“Phew! It’s freaking hot out there,” Brian breathed heavily as he came in from the sound check. Picking up a white towel that was thrown over a chair he wiped his sweat off.

“You’re talking about the weather or the girls?” His bandmate AJ asked taking a big swig from his water bottle.

“Both,” Brian laughed as he sank down on the couch in the backstage room. They were on their Never Gone tour and tonight it was Saratoga Springs in New York that they would be performing in. The sound check had gone rather good although all of the guys had been a bit tired since they had been invited to a party last night and it had gotten late, especially for Nick and Howie.

The door opened and in came Kevin, tightly followed by Howie. “It’s wild out there. The fans are really eating us up.”

“Yeah did you see that girl in the tight yellow top?” Howie agreed. “Man she was hot.” “You mean the one that wanted me to sign her breasts?” Nick asked as he too came in through the door.

“She wanted you to sign her breasts?” Howie asked with a mixture of surprise and disgust. “Did you do it?”

“Sure.” Nick nodded before sinking down beside Brian. “What don’t you do to please the fans?” He didn’t sound too thrilled, more tired. Pointing at the water bottle sitting on the desk beside AJ he asked, “You got one for me too?” A loud cough followed.

“That doesn’t sound too healthy,” Kevin stated with a frown. “Have let the doctor take a look at that?”

Nick didn’t get a chance to answer since Brian was there with a quick reply, “Hello cuz, it’s Kaos we’re talking about here. He who wouldn’t go to a doctor even if he had the plague.”

“Or the crabs,” AJ filled in with a large grin.

Nick’s only response was to stick his middle finger up. Ignoring his band mates he took a large mouthful from the water bottle before rolling it over his forehead in an attempt to cool his body down. It was sweltering out there and it didn’t help that Nick had spent an hour on the hot stage, performing before having to sign autographs for the fans. He could laugh himself lucky that the fans hadn’t attacked him, that if you didn’t count the girl in the yellow top and that was a pretty nice encounter. He’d even asked her if she wanted to come with him to the hotel room afterwards, for a small midnight party with his friends when he remembered that it couldn’t be done. They had to move on to the next city and he was in a way rather relieved when he found that out.

Asking up girls to the hotel room had been more of a habit than a pleasure and there were times when Nick found himself asking the question even though he’d rather spent his time alone, either in the hotel room or on his bus. His buddies however, was of a different thought and they used Nick to get the best findings. He knew that fans probably thought that he wasn’t aware that he was being used but to tell the truth that was something he more or less counted on these days. That was part of the life he was living and even though there were times when he wanted to change it all, he still found himself getting trapped and therefore he continued to outlive the rock n roll dreams with groupies in every corner.

This week however they were not with him on the bus and therefore he didn’t have to play the game. Another itching feeling crept up inside his throat and after harsh coughing a bag of cough drops were thrown his way. “Here. Take these. They will help.” Howie's warm and gentle eyes peered down at him.

“Thanks D.” Nick said, popping a couple into his mouth.

The guys talked for a while before Brian was the one to announce that he was going to give Leighanne and Bailey a call. Picking up his cellphone he walked off to another room. Instantly Nick saw his chance and he stretched out on the couch. It felt good to lay down his aching back which had been sore ever since he did one of those old back flips yesterday at the party and it had ended in a disaster. Nick, who’d been rather drunk when he’d tried jumping back up from lying on his back, had kicked not only the chicks that wanted to see his moves but pulled the waitress that came in carrying a tray of drinks down in the process. There had been lots of laughter that followed and in a way he was happy that he’d been too wasted to care. Now, roughly twelve hours later he’d regretted his stupid stunts. He wasn’t 19 anymore and certainly didn’t have the same physics as back then.

“You still sore?” Howie asked, since he was the only one that had been staying at the party long enough to witness Nick making a fool out of himself.

“A little.” Nick gritted his teeth.

“You shouldn’t have been so stupid to do a stunt like that,” Kevin said with disgust. “You know you’re not seventeen anymore.” “Yeah tell me about it,” Nick mumbled with a sigh. He guessed that this wouldn’t be the last he heard about the event and if he was right Kevins scolding would follow him for a while. Especially if he’d hurt his back.

“What possesed you to do something that stupid?” It was clear that the oldest Backstreet boy wasn’t done with his comments yet.

Nick opened his mouth to answer when AJ cut him short, “No don’t say anything...let me guess.” There was a huge grin on the rebel's lips as he said, “Either it was a blonde with a couple of big tits or it was a brunette?”

The blonde in the sofa groaned while Howie was the one to answer the question.

“Neither. It was a couple of redheads and they were sisters. Twins.”

“Ouch!” AJ yelled out, shaking his hand as he’d burned it. “Twins even? That had to be hot!”

Nick chuckled at the comment. “Yeah I guess.” His words were soon interrupted by another harsh cough.

Kevin shook his head as he stood up. “I don’t know about you guys but I don’t feel like standing here listening to Nick getting a piece of ass.” He patted the youngest on his shoulder. “You try and get some rest before the concert tonight and if I was you I would let the doctor take a look at that cough.” The only response he got was a grunt.

“Yeah Kev is right,” AJ agreed before placing a hand on Howie's shoulder, “Come on D let’s go outside and see if we can find something to eat while Nicky here,” he gestured with his thumb towards the package in the sofa, “is getting his rest.” Before the older man had a chance to answer he went on, “Besides I wanna hear some more about those hot red heads.”

That last sentence had Nick opening his eyes, “Oh No Howie. You’re not going to say anything. Are you?” There was panic in his voice which the Latino swiftly ignored.

“You mean about you saying that those redheads were actually for real? That they were Au Natural’” Howie laughed out loud and this had AJ forcing the latino out of the door with a Really? Tell-me-about-it-comment.

Nick however just groaned. He had no idea what Howie was aiming at and even if he knew he was too tired to pick up the thread. His head had started to hurt and when all of the guys had left the room he folded the pillow, rolled over to his side and wrapping his arms around his body he opted to get a few hours of shut eye before they were ready to hit the stage.

***************************************************************************

It was concert time and they were all hyped.

Nick was bouncing back and forth in the room like a tennis ball, and he couldn’t sit still even if his life depended on it. The fact that his cough had worsened with a runny nose didn’t keep him from being the Energizer Bunny that he was known for. The rest of the guys were taking it more easy. Brian had just made the fifth call to Baylee and Kevin had been going through the song list with their manager Keith. AJ on the other hand had spent his time talking with the other fellows in the band and they had been playing poker. Howie had been doing business with his real estate broker and while all of this had happened Nick had spent his time snoring z’s until he woke up half an hour ago; a big bundle of energy.

“Come on,” Nick bounced up and down pretending to be boxing with the air as his partner. He jabbed an uppercut only to say with in an announcer-type voice, “5-0 to Nick.” Holding up his arm in the air he announced, “And we have a winner...Nick Carter!” With that he made a victory lap around the room much to the other guys dismay.

“God Nick did you ever grow up?” AJ sighed in disgust as he looked up from the Rolling Stones magazine he’d been reading. Ignoring the question his friend danced on as if he was Muhammed Ali and that he was about to win the Championship in boxing. This act had the 27 year old shaking his head and he opened his mouth to comment when Kevin shook his head.

“Not worth it. Besides we’re about to enter soon and...” A loud wet cough broke his sentence, ”and...I’m sure that Nick could use all the strength he can get when he sounds like that.”

At that moment Nick choosed to spit up a large phlegm ball onto the wastebasket which sent AJ and Brian gagging in the process. “That’s nasty!” They both held up their hands infront of their mouths in an attempt to keep their dinner down. Even Howie scrunched up his nose in disgust, “Could you be more gross?” he complained.

Nick shrugged not caring that he was acting like a pig. Kevin shook his head but said nothing at all. He knew how the youngest could be and even though he didn’t like the idea of his band brother spitting in the wastebasket it beat that he would do it on some other place. Like the floor.

Keith stuck in his face inside the door, “You guys getting ready? The show is about to start now.”

Nick who had just sobered up from another coughing attack was fast on his feet again. “Yeah sure I’m ready.” He was being back to a meager impresionation of Tigger again. “Let’s go and say the prayer.” The other guys looked relieved that the show was about to start so that the energy that flowed through the blonde's veins would finally have an output. Seriously it was on the point were they would’ve gone crazy if they had to see Nick bounce around one more time. The concert couldn’t start fast enough.

After the mandatory prayer, which Brian held, they all ran on stage only to be met with thousands of fans screaming their name when they appeared. Their first song was “The Call” and the guys gave everything they could in the opening song. Kevin held a steady eye on Nick who seemed to have a hard time breathing from the first line of the chorus. AJ seemed to have the same opinion and they did their best to encourage the youngest to go on with his solos.

“Hit it Nick!” AJ yelled in the beginning of “Beautiful woman” and the blonde took the stage like the pro he was. The girls screamed like crazy and to say that the noise level was high would be an understatement. High as the clouds would be a better term to use.

Kevin noticed Nick wincing when the girls started screaming his name and he guessed that a headache was the cause for the discomfort and even though he knew that Nick was a big boy by now he still worried over the young man. He worried over his physical health but also over the mental one. Making a note inside his head he deiced to ask either Howie or AJ if they wanted to share the bus with Nick. The thought that he would himself volunteer crossed his mind but he knew that the blonde would feel much more comfortable with anyone of the other guys at his side. Besides he was the one that only came to the rescue when the young man was really bad off and even if he suspected that Nick had attracted more than just a simple cold he didn’t think that it justified him staying on the bus. At least not yet.

During the next song which was “More than that” Kevin continued keeping his eye on Nick, epecially since he suddenly noticed how drained he looked. They had been on the road for a couple of weeks and it was just in the beginning of the tour and Nick looked as if he’d been away for a year. Usually touring did him the most good but this time it was as if Nick would’ve needed more to stay at home and relax. The past year had been hectic with the Paris affair and even though the young man rarely talked about it Kevin knew that it had been affecting him more than he could say. Nick was a person that often kept his feelings inside until they were threatening to crack him open and he hoped that this time he would spill how bad he was feeling, but nope. Instead he continued with the mask that they could all look through.

A loud coughing could be heard from the upper stairs and looking up Kevin saw that Nick was holding an arm towards his face and he was coughing hard into it. By the look of it, it hurt too and he mouthed to the blonde if he wanted any water. Nick just shook his head negatively and instead sang his part in the song. Kevin sighed before turning his attention back to the music and the fans that were worshiping them in the front rows. He waved to a girl that held up a note that said, “Marry me Kevin. I’ll make you happy for life.” He smiled at her while thinking , ‘as if that would ever happen.’

During the short break while Brian was talking to the crowed, hyping them up, Nick walked directly to the backstage to blow his nose. Kevin followed shortly. “You okay man?” he asked.

Nick shrugged. “I think I’m getting a cold.” He coughed once again.

“Sounds like it.” The older man placed his hand on the youngsters shoulder, feeling the warmth radiating from him. “You think you feel up to do this?” The words most have surprised since the blonde turned around, a puzzled expression on his face.

“Yeah sure, why not?” When he received no immediate reply Nick went on, “Kev relax, it’s not the first time I’ve got a cold. I’ll do just fine.” He grinned but Kevin could tell that it was mostly a fake. The smile didn’t reach his eyes that looked more tired and glassy than he’d seen them in a long time.

“Is this here you’ve been hiding?” Howie interupted as he came running into the dressing room. “Nick its time for you to go on.” He looked at the two men in surprise when he noticed Kevin's hand on his friend's shoulder. “Everything’s okay?”

“Sure.” Nick said but there was hesitation in his voice. Squeezing the young man's shoulder Kevin said, “You know if you start to feel bad, just let us know and we help you. Like we always do.”

Nick nodded while picking up his guitar. Before running out of the room to enter the stage agin he gave the older man a look before saying, “Kevin, really it’s okay. I can manage.” With that he ran out of sight. The moment he’d left the room Howie turned to Kevin,

“What was all that about? Something wrong?”

Kevin shrugged. “Nick is getting a cold.”

“Nick always gets a cold,” Howie said with a smile. “As if that would be something to worry about.”

“Maybe so.” The older man agreed, “but I don’t like how exhausted he is.” Pausing for a moment, “As a matter of fact I’m wondering if either you or Bone could stay on his bus tonight. You know to see that everything is all right.”

Howie frowned. “You want us to stay on Nicks bus? Does he know about this?” There was disbelief in the Latino's voice. Kevin started to answer when there was one more call out from the stagehand.

“Richardson, Dorough, twenty seconds before you go on the stage!”

The evening was coming to an end and so was the concert. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened so far, that was if you didn’t count one or two mishaps when it came to dancing but it would be expected since they were a bit out of shape after being on hiatus for almost three years.

Howie couldn’t help but smile at the first time they had gotten together to do this show. Kevin had acted like an old man, claiming that old back injuries were flaring up and that he was getting too old to do this kind of crap. They had first laughed at the comment but when Kevin had broken down the second week while they were rehearsing with acute backpain which led him to a bedrest for a week, they had started to believe that maybe this was true. That they were getting too old. As if that wasn't enough, Brian, who was a father now, had really put on a few pounds too many and had to do his best to stay fit. This hadn’t proved to be all that easy since he was constantly tired working all day and being a father and husband in his spare time. He was constantly tired since Bailey contracted one bug after the other and he was either suffering from it’s sweet effects or from having to stay up with the child all night.

And Nick, who had always the habit of contracting every bug there was on the planet, was even more receptive than Howie thought was possible and after the Littrell's were done with his bug, his friend was the one to pick it up and spread it around for another lapse. This left Nick's voice sore and vulnerable and there were times when Howie seriously wondered if he had the energy to go through with this. It didn’t help that he was out partying alot and the smoking made his voice hoarse. AJ was the only one that seemed to be the least out of shape. He’d quit everything but smoking and was living a rather healthy life with his girlfriend Ann and their dogs. Now three months later the relationship was over, he was still smoking but as a whole feeling pretty good. And the way he glowed on stage it really showed too.

“What are you smiling at?” It was Nick that had come up to talk to him as he often did when he was either bored or really out of breath. Judging from the labored breathing he guessed the latter.

Howie's first thought was to say “it’s nothing” but then something made him change his mind and he gestured with his hand towards the screaming crowd. “This. All this. Isn’t it amazing?.”

“Yeah,” Nick nodded. “It’s pretty wild.” There were a large smile on his lips and Howie could feel a brief hug from his friend. He was about to say something back but the blonde had already left and was by the crowd cheering them up.

He shook his head. It was amazing the way Nick could work up a crowd even when he wasn’t feeling one hundred percent. He’d seen Carter do wonders with the fans and they all agreed that there was no one in this group that could get the girls as wild as Nick could. At least not these days. The twenty five year old really knew how to move those hips to get the girls fainting.

In the past AJ had been the crowned king of working up a crowd but these days he was more laid back than before and to tell the truth Howie was actually happy for that. Back in the days, especially during the Black and Blue tour Alexander had been so full of himself at times that they had all been fed up with him. He had been stoned almost every night for a year and a half and they were so sick and tired of each other in the end that Howie was sincerely happy when they had left each other to live different lives back in 2002. In the end AJ was drug free and sober but still they were so fed up with each other that even though Howie suspected that everything wasn’t allright with the youngest he couldn’t use the energy to deal with it and instead his mind went to work on business and upcoming real estate projects.

Today when he knew what Nick had went through in his life on his own Howie wished that he had been there to help his little brother out, especially when it came to Paris but also all other kinds of family and personal problems that his friend had to deal with. Today it was a different matter. They had all matured in a way and they were not as selfish as they had been before and instead they looked after each other in the same way as they used to do when they had just started their journey to success. They were more greatful that the fans were still there for them since it wasn’t all that certain that they had any ground to break. The Upclose tour had proved to be a new start of the way the guys worked together and now Howie felt happy to be on the stage again.

He loved being an entertainer even if it took less and less time away from his duties these days. Being on his head up in business there were always some contract that he had to look over or some real estate that he was planning on buying and it wasn’t for nothing he was being called “Howard Trump” or “Howard Hughes” by the fellas. Usually Howie only laughed at that comment and even if he loved doing business and was rather good at it, it was still up here on stage where he had his heart. It was such a thrill watching thousands upon thousands of excited fans scream for more and when the bad days came, and yes they came, he was instantly reminded of what luck he had and that he should be humble for everything that he’d been fortune to experience in his life.

“Quit playing games with my heart...” Howie sang as he moved all over the stage to the corner. Some girls were stretching out their hands, hoping that he would touch it and he did it. Briefly. There were too many incidents when he hadn’t been all that careful and these days he never took anything for granted. One swift move and the fans could pull him into the crowd. Both AJ and Nick loved doing that stuff; crowd surfing but that had never been his cup of tea. Instead he waved and smiled at the girls and they screamed even more. Suddenly he felt a hand touching his arm and turning around he saw Nick standing there again. He was showing some dance moves that he wanted Howie to do with his hips.

Knowing that the crowd would go totally wild, Howie laughed and tried some stiff moves only to have Nick show him “how it should be done.” As predicted the girls went crazy! It always amazed him how some small moves could cause a small earth quake. Dance it Howie,” Nick drawled on with his southern accent at the same time as he sang his verse. Howie just smiled and did some “Latina moves” as the fellas used to call it. Once again Nick was out of sight and he concentrated more on the crowd for a moment than the rest of the guys only to have the young man back on his side again. Dancing.

By then Howie had known Nick long enough to know that his friend was calling on some attention. Even though he kept smiling and dancing he still knew that something was out of the ordinary and he was intending to find out what it was. Kevin’s concerned words at the first break was pondering in his head; “I’m wondering if either you or Bone could stay on his bus tonight. You know to see that everything is all right.” The song was moving on and so was Nick and soon his friend was out of focus again. This time however Howie decided to keep an eye on the blonde, just in case there were problems ahead.

It was during AJ’s part, “Baby, baby the love we had was so strong,” that he’d noticed that Nick was nowhere on stage and looking up at the stairs he found the young man sitting down, panting while coughing hard into his arm. A quick eye was shared with Kevin, who’d also had spotted the same, and soon was on his way up the stairs to find out what was troubling the singer.

Howie, being the smart person he was, made his way up look like part of the show and when he came up where Nick was sitting he asked. “You okay man?”

“Just a little tired,” Nick panted but the older man could see that his friend had a hard time catching his breath. He didn’t know if it was a move from the blonde to stop further questions but he reached suddenly out with his knuckle as to make a “friends gesture.” Which was instantly rewarded with the same. “You...wanna...do...that...dance?”

Howie frowned, confused over what kind of dance that Nick was talking about.

“You...you know that dance...we...we made up for fun.” If the begging in Nick's eyes hadn’t been so clear the older man would’ve commented something about “let’s sit down and rest instead” but it was obvious that Nick wanted no such thing. Howie knew from way back that if there were one thing Nick was determinded to do he often did it, no matter what cost or consequence it would be. He could feel as sick as a dog and be ready to pass out before entering the stage, but when it was time to perform he always did his best and this was something that Howie admired him greatly for.

“Okay let’s do it then.”

The dance down the stairs went pretty good and when they were down on the stage again Nick said a quick “Thanks D,” before he run off to joke around with one of the other guys again.

When the song finally ended Howie wasn’t late to walk over to Kevin, “You’re right. Maybe one of us should stay on Nicks bus tonight.” There were no time for any further words since the next song, the third to last one called “Wierd World” started. This was mainly Nick's song and Howie seriously wondered if his voice was gonna hold up.

But everything went just fine and the singer managed to pull it off without even a hitch of problem even if Howie suspected that Nick's throat was killing him by now. Another thing that he really admired Nick for was the way he got into the songs. Carter was very emotional even if he didn’t let too many persons come behind the facade but when he did Howie knew that there were so much emotions that he sometimes wondered how Nick could stand having them all bottled up. Those feelings often came out in the songs.

Once the song was done Howie saw Nick calm down again, hanging his head low as if he was stiffling some coughs. Kevin shot him a worried glance and he saw that Brian as well as AJ had caught up that something was a bit off with the youngest band memeber too. During the song “Incomplete” however what seems to have Nick on a tight leash this evening is catching up with him and while he is coughing on and off he mumbles a “It hurts,” to no one in particular. Howie hears this and makes a mental note to fix up some tea and honey when they are back in the bus, since he is coming with Nick no matter what he says. The rest of the song goes a bit better but all the time the older man can see that his friend is struggling with the pain and when Nick doesn’t spare any time and almost rushes out from the stage Howie walks up to him.

“You sure you can make this?” he asks.

“Huh?” Nick looks a bit confused while he is stiffling one more cough.

“This. The show. You look like you’re feeling rather crappy.”

“Oh.” For a brief moment Nick makes no movement to act as if everything is peachy but then he change his mind, “I’m okay.”

Howie opens his mouth to object when Nick stops him. “I’m a little tired that’s all and this damned cold is hunting me. Otherwise I’m fine.” Motioning towards the stage he adds, “Come on D let’s get out there and kick some asses with Backstreets Back.” Nick lights up a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes and this has Howie even more certain that something is definately off. The constant swallowing also serves as evidence that he is lying through his teeth and this makes the older man even more certain that Kevin had been right!

Nick had managed to catch another bug and if this was the beginning....Howie didn’t dare to think what the rest of the tour would be like!



***************************************************************************
“You want me to do what? AJ could hear the annoyance in Nick's voice as Kevin was trying to talk him into staying with one of the guys on the bus. Howie had volunteered, but also AJ and now it was up to Nick if he wanted any company or not. Judging by the way the conversation was headed it would be most likely that it would be a NOT.

Not that it would be too bad anyway.

‘Rooming with Nick was never easy’ AJ thought with a sigh. You had to put up with snoring, stinking feet, farting and burping, loud music when you were about to fall asleep and sometimes annoying beeping coming from a tv game. None of that was that high on AJ’s list but still when Kevin had asked him if either he or Howie could room in for the night on the bus he had accepted.

Nick was never that good at staying alone even though he tried to act as if he was. He knew that when they had first started touring Nick had been dissappointed that they would once again have their own busses just as it was on the Black and Blue tour. Brian had stated that it would be wise since his wife and son would come and visit and Kevin has said the same. AJ, he could care less since it was over with his former girlfriend and now he was single again and could hook up with just about anyone if he wanted to. The truth however was that he, Alexander James McLean was rather fed up with women right now and could do fine without them. Howie was dating too although he never prefered to take his girlfriend Lee along for the ride. And then there was Nick, and he was hooking up with all kinds of girls even though he wasn’t such a player as people made him out to be.

Nick had been staying with his friends most of the trip so far and AJ knew that was mostly because he couldn’t stand being alone. He had never really liked Nick's friends. They were more like parasites trying to live off the kind heart that the blonde had and the mere thought that they were using his little brother for his money made him want to punch their heads in. Yet whenever he tried to talk with Nick about that issue he got told that it was none of his business and that the younger man thought he was old enough to choose his own company. That he didn’t need no babysitter. But AJ knew better....

Nick needed his old friends by his side or else had a habit of messing up his life.

“Come on Nick, it will only be until you start feeling better again,” Kevin cajoled and AJ watched with interest how this conversation would end.

“Thanks but no thanks Kevin.” Nick was doing his best to sound as polite as possible stiffling his anger with a cough. AJ however suspected that his friend would fail miserably. Nick’s breathing was getting heavier both from the cold but also from the bottled up emotions amd there were clear sounds of frustration in his voice. “I can manage quite fine without one of the guys having to come and babysit me!” The last words spat out which had AJ smiling. Now it wouldn’t take long before there would be a fullblown argument wheather or not Nick would be capable to make such a desicion. And soon the fight was a fact.

Kevin and Nick were yelling at each other. The older man calling the blonde immature and not taking care of himself while the other returned with comments about how bossy he was and how he felt as if they tried to rule his life.

AJ knew that most of the argument from Kevin came from being concerned. He had been the bands big brother for as long as he could remember and he also knew that at times he had been like a father to Nick. Someone for him to lean on when things had been rough. The Kentuckian had been there for him in the past but also when Nick was charged for both the incident around New Year a few years back as well as for his recent drunk driving incident. To say that the older man was mad as hell would be an understatement but even if he was so pissed that smoke was coming from his ears Kevin had still been there for Nick.

The same could be said about the Paris incident when the younger man had a total breakdown when reporters and people claimed that he had beat her up. Then Kevin had taken care of the situation and stayed with Nick all night long, just comforting him. AJ only knew about this because Nick had told him since the oldest was tight lipped on repeating things like this.

Still, even if Kevin was by Nick's side all the time he had a hard time to respect the youngest man's wishes and the fact that he was no young teenager but an adult man.

And this pissed Nick off so much that he wouldn’t listen even if he was being told great advice. AJ had tried to tell this to Kevin, but was only told that their friend was much too stubborn for his own good.

“When the hell are you gonna start treating me like a man instead of some kind of baby?” Nick sneered, his eyes glaring with anger. “When you start acting like one.”

“And you think that I will do that if I start having the rest of the guys babysitting me like some kind of freak?” Nick didn’t spare his words as he spat out how stupid and annoying he thought that Kevin was. Suddenly his speach got interrupted by several rows of sneezes and a heart breaking cough that didn’t seemed to want to end.

“Look at you,” Kevin added when Nick's coughing fit had finally subsided. “If you can't even take care of something as simple as a cold before it turns into pneumonia, then how do you expect us to think that you can handle anything else in your life?”

The moment Kevin said those words AJ knew that they were bad and true to his thoughts the result didn’t let to wait on itself.

"When will you ever stop running my life? When will you stop treating me like a five year old when I’m twenty five years old and can make my own decisons?"Nick yelled so hard that for a moment AJ feared that the windows would break.

“But can you really make your own decisions?” Kevin said calmly and the moment he said those words AJ knew that they would cause a reaction and true to his thoughts it came instantly.

“Fuck you Kevin!" Nick spat out and then stormed out of the room, slamming the door hard behind him.

AJ shook his head while watching the scenario unfold infront of him. When would Kevin ever learn that Nick was a big boy now? He’d also seen the hurt look on Nick's face when the older man had degraded him and judging from past times Nick was so angry that he was almost crying.

“That damned punk,” Kevin hissed, red in his face from the anger that Nick had stirred up in him. He then walked over to Howie and loudly complained what a stubborn son of a bitch Nick was and if he didn’t care about his own health so why should he?

This comment had AJ grinning. It was as if he was thrown back in the days and the argument about stupid things were running rampant in the house. Kevin and Nick were the ones that usually got on each other nerves the most about all kinds of stupid things and by the looks of it had yet to stop.

The door opened and in came Brian. He held his cellphone in his hand and AJ guessed that he had spoken to LeighAnne. “What’s all the ruckus about?” he asked in his southern Kentuckian drawl.

“What do you mean?” Kevin looked up from the conversation he was having with Howie about how immature Nick was and so on.

“I met Nick as if a hoard of fans were chasing him. I think he went over to his bus with Q.” Brian looked at each and everyone of them. “Something happen while I was gone?”

AJ shurgged. “Not really. Just the usual.” Kevin shot him a glare and Howie shook his head as to say, ‘Don’t go there.’ Ignoring the looks he went on, “Train and Nick got into a fight over that Kev wanted one of us guys to stay with him since he was feeling so shitty during the concert...and Carter had a fit and freaked out!” There you go, now the cat was out of the bag.

“’kay. As if that was something new.” A deep sigh could be heard from Brian. “You want me to go and talk to him?” The last question was directed to his cousin who just shrugged his shoulders.

“No use when he is that kind of mood.”

Picking up a package of cigs AJ motioned with his hand towards the door, “I’m gonna have a smoke, maybe I can have a word or two with Mr. Kranky also.” Ignoring the muttering words about “Good luck with that one,” he called for his bodyguard Steve and then set his path to Nick's bus.

Fans were out there screaming and AJ felt a bit bad for stopping and letting them down in the process. Ignoring this he hurried up to the bus and knocked on the door. He hoped that Nick wouldn’t be too stubborn and ignore him since his bodyguard was starting to have a hard time fending the girls back and they would do anything to get closer to their popstar.

“Dammit Nick open the god damn door,” he yelled as he was banging furiously. Finally the door opened and the face of Q came into focus.

“Jay what the hell are you doing here?” The black man asked as he helped AJ up on the bus and they could all hear the dissappointed sounds as the door closed behind them, leaving hoards of fans outside.

“Getting mugged,” AJ snarled before adding, “What the hell does it look like?” Once he was safe again he asked, “Where is he?” .

“He said he didn’t want anyone to get on the bus.” Q said as he sat down on the sofa and continued to watching the basketball game that was on.

“I don’t give a shit. If you think I will go back through that crazy hoard,” AJ pointed outside, “You better think again. So where is he? In the bathroom? Bedroom?”

A loud coughing gave away Nick's hiding place and Q shrugged his shoulders. “He’s in there,” A thich thumb pointed against the closed door to the sleeping area. “But Jay he made it very clear to me that he didn’t want to be disturbed.” There was a warning tone in the bodyguard's voice which AJ swiftly ignored.

“Really? Well we’ll see otherwise.” With those words he ignored the black man's attempts to get him into other thoughts and walked resoultely into the dark room. He could see that Nick's drapes were closed and he guessed that his buddy was harboring inside there, sulking and brooding over life.

Ignoring any private moment AJ threw the curtain up. “So it’s here you hiding...” “Didn’t Q tell you that I didn’t want to be disturbed?” Nick mumbled, his back against AJ’s.

“Yeah so?” All he got was an annoyed grunt, but that didn’t stop him. “Nick get up, I wanna talk to you.”

“Can’t you see I’m sleeping?” Nick sneered as he tried to close the curtains again, but AJ had a steady grip and when the action showed no result he snorted loudly before turning his back against the older man again.

If this had been years back, AJ would probably have ignored Nick's request and teased him until he was begging for mercy. He could be pouring ice cold water or tickling him just to see how far he could go until the young man would be so red that he was about to explode. But that was then. Now they were all being grown ups and grown ups didn’t act like that. AJ had a much calmer approach and he had outgrown those kind of tactics, at least for now, and to be frank he didn’t want to make Nick more upset than he already was. But at the same time he couldn’t let the 25 year old like a little kid either!

“No. Actually it looks more like you’re sulking!” AJ commented. “And acting like a small kid too.”

A snort could be heard. Getting no immedate response AJ went on in a much softer tone, “I know that Kev can be an ass sometimes....”

“So can you,” Nick cut off quickly.

AJ sighed. He was starting to lose his temper, still he did his best to remain calm. “You know that’s just Train's way of...”

Another interruption by Nick; “Yeah, yeah I know it’s just Kev's way of showing that he cares. You guys told me that thousands of times.” The voice was whiny and tired. “It’s just that he pisses me off so much at times, you know. It’s like all he sees is that I’m a small kid and I get so fucking sick and tired of that.” He still had his back turned against the older man but AJ could see that he’d softened a bit.

Feeling that it was best to get his friend in a better mood AJ grinned. “Yeah tell me about it. Daddy Kevin can be an hard ass sometimes, and annoying as hell too.” . He’d had his own battles with the oldest member of the group and knew what an ass he could be at times. Yet he was today greatful for it since otherwise the odds of him being alive and sober had been very slim. It was Kevin that had been the one to set his foot down and brought him to rehab in the end.

Today he had the Kentuckian to thank for his life.

“But you know that he means well and I really doubt that his intentions was to bug you when he got the idea that someone should stay on the bus with you.” AJ waited for a reaction and when none came he went on, “You look like crap and you shouldn't be alone.”

Those last words had Nick rolling to his side, facing him. His eyes were dull and lifeless and there was a glossy feverish shimmer in them. Heavy blue bags stood out under his eyes and his nose was red and sore from the cold he suffered from.

It was impossible to stay mad at the miserable figure infront of him. “Shit Dude! You look like hell! What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Nick mumbled as he coughed hard several times. “I’m tired that’s all.”

“My ass.” AJ shook his head in concern over what he saw. “ Damned Nick. Kev’s right, you shouldn’t be alone.” “I’m not alone. I’ve got Q” There was a brief pause. “And he doesn’t try to run my life or treat me like a kid!” Those last words were intended to hurt AJ, especially since Nick spat them out as if he was a snake filled with venom.

With a sigh AJ stood up from his hunched over position on the floor. Nick looked both tired and adgitated and past situations told him that there was no use in trying to discuss things with the young man when he was in this kind of mood. If Nick wanted to be stubborn there was not much he could do. He’d known the young man since the kid was twelve years old, even before and he knew that when he didn’t want to do something he had a willpower that could move a mountain. It could be tiredsome to always try to convince Nick of going one direction or the other, but on the other side this was an asset which led to that his friend never became a quitter even when he’d went through some rough times.

“Okay dude. I’ve heard you.” He straightened his limbs that was stiff from the position he’d been in. “You know I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you about something like this.” AJ felt at once very tired. “The idea of one of us staying on the bus with you was just an offer and if you don’t want to accept it, it’s fine by me.” The older man had to bite his toungue so he didn’t spit out something like, ‘but don’t come running to me when you need help’. That comment seemed to be a bit unessasary, besides they were not fighting teens anymore. Instead he added with an casual tone, “If you change your mind you know who to turn to.” With that AJ made his way through the bus and then stepped outside to face the fans.

Before closing the door, a knowing smile lit up the rebels face. AJ just knew that it wouldn’t take long before Nick would take up his offer. Especially not if the nasty cold would keep on holding him prisoner.

Nick needed his brothers. And they would be there for him. They always were!

”Daddy misses you Baylee…Yes daddy misses mommy too.” Brian chuckled at his son’s question. “Baby go on and play and let mommy talk. Okay Daddy’s big boy? I wuv you too.” He made a kissing noise into the phone only to hear his wife coming back, “No honey that was for Bay.” He laughed. “Okay yes you can share some kisses too.” They talked for a little while until it was time to hang up. “The bus has stopped and we’re at the hotel so I gotta go. Tell Baylee that I love him very much.” He drew back his breath before continuing, “I miss you too Leigh and I call you tonight.” With that he hung up.

God how he missed his family!

They hadn’t been out on the road long and yet he missed his wife and son so much that it hurt. There was no telling how things would be when they went on the big Never Gone tour across the world. With a sigh Brian drew his hand through his thin hair. Looking outside he saw that lots of fans were waiting at the hotel and that only meant one thing; he would have to hurry through the crowd if he didn’t want to get attacked.

“You ready to go?” Frank, his body guard asked as he talked with the other bodyguards over the walkie talkie. They were making sure that there would be a clear line between the fans and the bus. All so the guys could get their well needed privacy.

“Sure.” Brian nodded as he picked up his black and white NIKE training bag. “Did the other fellas arrive yet?”

Frank nodded. “Yes but Howie’s the only one that checked in.”

“Okay.” The phone call made him feel a bit down and Brian could thank his lucky stars that his longtime body guard was a silent and firm man that didn’t spend too much time on discussion. Normally Brian could be very social but it would’ve been tiresome if the man that had to spend almost 24/7 with him would’ve talked all the time and he was very grateful for all the peace and quiet he could get. This tours schedule was very full and demanding especially since they only stayed at one city for a day , and then moved on to another one to do a concert. They were also on a radio interview tour since they were doing promotion as well as interacting in both tv shows as well as interviews. In between, on their sparetime they did their best to practice and discuss the details for the upcoming tour in Europe that they would do later in the fall. To say that it wasn’t hectic already would be an understatement.

After stopping to write a few autographs Brian was whisked quickly into the lobby where Howie was already talking with a couple of business suits. His friend smiled and shook hands as if it was the most natural thing to do and there were more than one time when Brian had felt envious over how easy the Latino had it when it came to socializing. During their hiatus he knew that Howie or ‘Trump Junior’ as they nicknamed him had been into business and he had proved to be an natural when it came to organization. After a short nod of acknowledgement he moved over to the sofas and sank down on the expensive brown couch made of genuine Buffalo leather. Running his hand over the expensive leather he couldn’t help but think that one of the receipts that they had made it in the world were the standard to the hotels that they lived in this tour. There were times when a flashback came about how it was in the old days and what sleazy paces they had to sleep in. They often shared rooms and Brian was the one that shared it with Nick since no one could stand the blonde’s constant talking and giggling, except him of course. Thinking of Nick Brian scanned the lobby if he could see his “little brother” since there hadn’t been any sight of him since he’d left to go for his bus. AJ had told him that Nick was in a bad mood, which didn’t come as such a surprise either since the youngest had an habit of having his mood swings, especially when he was constantly put into pressure and stressful situations. Kevin had talked with him last night and told him that he was worried over Nick’s health since he seemed to be having a really bad cold. He didn’t neglect to mention either that it was bad since they were only in the beginning of the tour and already Nick’s health had begun to fad. Not a good sign at all!

“The fans were totally wild out there,” AJ commented with a sigh as he sat down beside his friend. He ran his hand over his face in a shaky gesture as if he was doing his best to gain strength from a battle he’d just endured.

Brian nodded. “Yeah. It still looks as if they got the touch.” Smiling briefly he added, “You seen the rest of the guys?”

“You mean Nick and Kevin?”

Another nod. “Mmmm.”

“Last thing I saw Train was still out there signing autographs, but where Kaos is beats me!” He fished up from his front pocket a pack of smokes. “You don’t mind do you? I really need a cigarette after battling with those girls.”

Brian shrugged. He’d never liked it that Jay was a smoker but then he couldn’t do much about it. It was worse with Nick who started smoking in older days and he thought it was just stupid to pick up such a habit this late. Whenever he’d tried talking his friend out of it all he got was a comment that it was none of his business so he’d gave up dealing with it months ago. Whether he liked it or not it was Nick’s life and if he wanted to ruin his lungs and voice it was his choice.

Not feeling in any mood to start up a conversation Brian stuck to himself watching the people in the lobby swirling around like bees in a honey jar. There were lots of security and the row of people the Backstreet Boys surrounded each other with was impressive. Even tough he hid a yawn behind his hand AJ caught his action.

“You’re tired?” his friend asked blowing out the smoke.

“A little.” Sleeping on the bus was never easy and now he longed for a nice hot bath and few hours of rest before it was time to face the music again. They were scheduled for meetings with the media and afterwards it was time to meet the fans when it came to sound check. Then they were allowed a couple of hours before it was time to enter the stage again. Those hours were often spent chilling out or playing table tennis or some other activity. Today he’d promised to call Leighanne back besides he missed his family so bad. The last words that Baylee had said “I miss you Dad,” was etched into his mind like ink that couldn’t be washed away. It was way too long to be away from his family and if it was just up to him he would’ve either brought his wife and son with him, or canceled the whole tour. Neither was an option. Too many people depended on him and to tell the truth there was also a very satisfying feeling to be onstage again. They were having lots of fun. When it came to his family Leigh was in the middle of arranging a charity event for the “Heart club” and had very little time to go on tour with him. However they had talked about them joining him in a couple of weeks, more in the end of the tour and Brian counted the days until it would be a reality.

Several hard coughs brought him back to reality.

Looking up Brian saw that Nick had entered the lobby and he was bent down in a harsh coughing fit. His bodyguard was standing by his side, patiently waiting for the attack to finish.

“Man that doesn’t sound too good,” Kevin had sneaked up behind them. “You better get that checked out or you won’t have any voice left tonight.”

Ignoring the comment Nick shrugged. When the worst seemed to be over he looked up, red in his face from the coughing fit. “It’s nothing.” Wheezing he did his best to catch his breath. “You got any smokes left AJ? I left mine on the bus.”

“Sure.” Without wasting a second AJ threw him a full package. “There you go. Take this. I don’t need it.”

“Thanks.” Nick grinned with attitude. “Thanks dude. I owe you one.” Putting the cig into his mouth he lit it up with a lighter, after blowing out a couple of clouds he sighed heavily. “I needed that.”

Kevin shook his head. Annoyed. This was the last comment he’d expected from the blonde and Brian agreed that it was stupid. But then Nick could be very stupid at times. Coughing your brains out and then asking for a cancer stick didn’t seem to be the wisest thing to do. But then, Brian decided, it was Nick they were talking about. The guy that acted before his brains had a chance to react and then wondered why he was stuck in a situation.

It had always been like this. There were endless of stories how Nick acted before he had a chance to think and then the guys were left to deal with unwanted results.

“Nicky you shouldn’t smoke sounding like that.” Howie had joined in into the bashing of his friends habit and Brian held his breath, waiting for a reaction to take place. The blondes blue eyes told him that he was more than a little annoyed over his friends reactions but to his surprise all they got back was a shrug and an glare that told them that Nick would do whatever he pleased even though he knew it was bad for his health. It was his life and he was entitled to live it as he wanted to, without anyone interfering.

Brian sighed heavily. He wished that someone could talk some senses into the blonde but it seemed as talking didn’t do much good these days. This tour Nick often stayed to himself on his bus, either with the company of some of his buddies or a girl or just his bodyguard. This act was surprising since his younger friend had always been very eager for company and sometimes on tour they had to practically baby sit him since Nick never liked being alone.

Another strong cough cut through his thoughts and now Kevin had come up to join the rest of the guys. “You need to have a doctor looking into that cough. It seems rough.”

“It’s nothing. It’s just a cold. I’m fine.” Nick took another drag as he did his best to act if everything was all right but the oldest band member wasn’t fooled that easily.

“I’m serious. If you don’t pay attention you could wind up with pneumonia....and being in the beginning of a tour that’s the last thing we need right now.”

The air in the room suddenly grew tense. Brian waited for a comment back when the tour manager suddenly interrupted them. “Here you go. Here are the cards to your rooms.” Handing them out he went on, “Ihe fifteenth floor is all ours.”

Without wasting any time Brian nodded. Those hours of rest were well needed and with a swift move he slung his bag over his shoulder and then walked towards the elevator. In the back he could hear how his cousin and D continued arguing with Nick but he paid no further attention and instead pressed his finger on the button, waiting for the car to come down. His body guard followed him like a second skin but to his relief made no comment about the pissed off mood Brian seemed to be in.

“You okay B?”

A hand was placed over his shoulder and turning around he was met with AJ’s concerned eyes. “I asked you if you were okay?”

“Isn’t that something you should’ve asked Nick instead,” Brian hissed to his younger friend.

The rebel’s eyes darkened. “I know you’re pissed and....” Brian opened his mouth to answer when AJ held up his hand, “No wait, let me talk...It itches you B that Nick smokes and to tell you the truth I’m just as concerned as you are about Nick’s health.”

“Are you really?” The question was more of a sneer.

“Yes I am.”

“Well you got a weird way of showing it.” Brian felt his pent up anger getting ready to explode but there were no time since the elevator opened and they all stepped inside, bodyguards included. The car was filled with people looking strangely at them as two broad goons were placed on either side of the men. A young couple seemed to recognize them and Brian heard a nervous giggle from the woman. He smiled at her and she tugged at her boyfriends arm while watching his every move. The stares made him feel uncomfortable and he couldn’t wait until the elevator stopped and he could leave the car.

Finally, after several short stops, the car was empty and they reached the fifteenth floor which was on top of the hotel. The conversation they held impatiently while waiting to be alone was taking new speed and as soon as they left the car AJ took up the line again.

“You know,” he sighed, “It won’t do you any good in being mad about things like this. Kaos is one stubborn son of a bitch and changing his mind when he’s set into doing something is close to impossible.” The rebel flashed a set of white teeth but when the grin wasn’t returned he went on, “Nick’s a big boy. His an adult and it’s about time he takes responsibility over his own actions.” A pause, “beside we’re not paid to baby sit his lazy ass either.”

Even though Brian didn’t want to admit that this friend was right he had to agree. It was true. Nick was a big boy now and he was entitled to do whatever he wanted even though it was stupid. “I guess you’re right,” he said slowly.

“I am right,” AJ filled in, sticking his white card into the locker. When Brian didn’t say anything he added with a grin, “I always am.” And then he closed the door quickly behind him before Brian had the chance to retort a comment back.

“Bastard.”

Sticking his own card into the locker he waited for the light to turn green and then entered. It was a large luxurious suit. A room that would be big enough for Leigh and Baylee to live in and that trail of thoughts didn’t help much. Brian slung his bag onto the king size bed and then sat down on the bed. He closed his eyes briefly before picking up the phone, dialing his favorite number. It took several signals before someone picked it up and he was just about to hang up when a well known voice could be hard on the other line.

“Littrell”

“Hi honey it’s me.” Brian’s heart beat faster when he heard his wife’s soft voice. It was like music to his ears.”

“Brian? Is something wrong?” She sounded desperate, almost in panic.

“No...no,” he reassured her quickly, “I just missed you.”

There was a short chuckle, “Oh honey, we just talked to each other.”

“So. I got some time left and I thought I call you anyway.” He twisted the cord nervously before asking, “I didn’t disturb you did I?”

“No.” He could hear her smiling. “Mom took Baylee for a walk and I was just done taking a shower.”

“Oh,” a brief pause then something mischievous came into his eyes all other worries forgotten, “What you’re wearing?”

There was a giggle on the other line, “That Brian Littrell you would really wanna know.”

“Yes I would.” He grinned. Kicking off his shoes he lay down on the soft bed, making himself comfortable. This was one rest he really needed and looked forward too...

Kevin scribbled one more note down on the piece of paper infront of him and afterwards tested how it sounded with singing the verse. He was in the midst of composing a song and hopefully it would be well liked from the guys too. Last night he’d let Howie listen to what he’d written and he’d got approval. Kevin gathered up the music notes he had scattered around the bed. Writing music was his passion and there were one thing he couldn’t be without on this tour and that was his piano. Whenever he was in the hotel room he would bring up a small keyboard and keep on working on new songs. Standing up he sighed. The short break was over and now it was soon time to get to work again. They had media interviews in the conference room and afterwards it was time to prepare for soundcheck. Stretching his limbs he noticed that the little rest he’d got had done him good and he hoped that he rest of the guys had been able to relax too since they had a very stressful schedule ahead of them.
Especially Nick needed the rest.

He didn’t like the way his younger brother looked. Nick was much too pale for his liking and he could see the signs of exhaustion shining in his eyes. The cough that had harbored his friend for a few days seemed to be getting worse and if Nick wasn’t careful he would end up sick in bed. They hadn’t been on tour more than a couple of weeks and already things were starting to go wrong. Not big things, but small things that could end up as disasters if you weren’t careful.

Walking into the luxerious bathroom he changed into a new white t-shirt and then combed his hair. It was important to look presentable without looking preppy and Kevin was one of the few in the band that managed that kind of look without looking stupid. His wife, Kristin was something of a fashion guru and she was the one that used to give him clothing tips even if fashion had always been something he’d fancied. Not crazy like AJ but a more subtile and elegant style. He was toweling off his face after a quick wash when the phone suddenly gave away a beeping signal. With a sigh he clicked it open.

“Kevin here.”

“Kev it’s Johnny.” His old managers was on the other line. “We’ve got something of an emergency. The media people wants us to start half an hour early. I’ve been trying to reach the rest of the guys but it’s only AJ and Howie that’s been answering. The phone to Brian's room has been busy the last hour and Carter doesn’t answer so I hope that he hasn’t left to go to the bar or something. ” Johnny sounded a bit annoyed. “That would be a stupid thing to do.”

“I’m sure that he hasn’t. Not even Nick is that stupid.” Kevin grinned but he could hear that Johnny wasn’t amused.

“Oh well...it doesn’t matter where he is as soon as he is presentable enough to do the concert tonight.”

That last comment had Kevin a bit irritated. “You don’t have to worry. The only strong drink Nick would take before a show would be Nyquil. As a matter of fact the reason for not answering his door is probably due to that. Being passed out on that crap.”

There was a snort on the other line. “I hope you’re right. You’ve got five minutes to get Littrell and Carter. We’ll be waiting down in the conference room.” With that the manager said a short goodbye and hung up.

Kevin sighed. Whenever management wanted something done he would be the one that would be called. Johnny had told him that he was the designated leader of the band and the only one that had 'insight' so that other people listened to him. In Kevin's book that meant that he was the only one that could prevent the guys from doing something stupid, especially Nick since he knew that the fella had both love and respect for him.

He was the big brother in the band. The father figure.

It didn’t take too many knocks on the door before Brian opened up. His hair looked tousled as if he had been sleeping.

“Kevin?” His cousin said in surprise. “I thought we didn’t have to go in an hour?”

“Change of plans.We need to meet the media in five.” Kevin stepped inside the room, noticing the unmade bed. “You’ve been sleeping dwag?”

“Sort of. Why?” Brian had hurried inside the bathroom in an attempt to freshen himself up a bit.

“Johnny tried to call you but your line was busy all the time.”

“Oh.” There was a moment of silence as he peaked out from the bathroom door. “I talked to Leighanne.”

Kevin started to laugh when he saw the blush that had crept up on his cousin's cheeks. “It was that kind of rest, huh?” When Brian grinned at him he shook his head still laughing. “I hope you had a good time.”

“You bet ya.” Brian mumbled sticking his head back inside the bathroom again, turning the tap on.

‘I can see that,’ Kevin mused but said nothing more about the issue. It was Brians privacy and he had those kind of “rests” himself from time to time. It was hard being on the road keeping a long distance relationship and those lonley nights and days could seem endless. Kristin was at home in LA working as a backup singer for Celine Dion who was putting on some shows there and in Las Vegas. Kristin would join him later on the tour but for now she was way too busy and the closest he got to be with her was over the phone. He was used to this, but he knew that Brian wasn’t and therefore he could see how much it tensed on his cousin that he couldn’t be with his family.

When Brian returned, freshly shaven and with a fresh pair of jeans and a light blue T-shirt where it said: 'I’m a big boy now' in red pattern, Kevin asked, “You heard from Nick lately?”

The younger Kentuckian shook his head. “Nope. Not since we he was down the lobby. Why?” A joking smile crept up his face, “Is he missing?”

“As a matter of fact. Yes!”

“Huh?” Brian frowned over the news.

“Johnny said that he’d tried calling him several times and he didn’t answer.”

“Really?” Brian tied up his sneakers.

“Yup. Anyway we have to try and find him. Johnny made that very clear.” Kevin stood up and moved towards the door. “We gotta go now. Five minutes are up soon.”

“Okay.” Brian grabbed his key card. “Let’s go then.” With that the both men walked over to Nick's room which was across the corridor from them. Several knocks later they found out that Johnny was right when no one opened the door.

“Strange.” Brian pounded on the door again. “Nick it’s me.Open up!”

The door remind closed. “It’s no use:” Kevin sighed as he looked at the clock. Time was ticking away and he knew that Johnny would soon call him and start questioning about their whereabouts. When he would have to tell him that there were no sign of the youngest member he just knew that Johnny would chew his ass out, even though he had nothing to do with it. There was no time to waste and he had to act. Had to find out where the blonde's wherabouts were.


“You don’t think he got a woman there already do you?” Brian asked nervously, annoyance shining in his eyes as he said the words. Kevin knew how much his cousin hated the way Nick kept living. Partying it up, getting as many asses as he wanted a night, but to Kevin it wasn’t all that strange. Nick was young and single and living it up. Besides he’d slowed down considerably, especially after that drunk driving incident and after many serious long talks he knew he could trust the blonde again. That he wouldn’t do anything as stupid again and jeopardize not only the tour but his whole life. The last thing Kevin wanted was another AJ on his hands.

“Don’t think so, but you never know with Kaos. He can be fast at times.” Seeing Brian's dislike Kevin quickly added. “He probably went over to Q’s room.” Picking up his cell in an attempt to call Q he went on while dialing the numbers, “ Realx bro. You know how Kaos is. Never wants to be alone.”

Brian didn’t have a chance to answer since Q’s dark voice could be heard on the other line.

“Hi bro. It’s me Kevin. Sorry to disturb you but you don’t happend to have Nick there with you, do you?” There was a brief silence and after a while Kevin said, “Really? Oh okay I try again then. Thanks bro and see ya.” With that he hung up, feeling more confused than ever.

“I take it that he wasn’t there, “ Brian sighed, running a hand over his face in a nervous gesture.

“Nope.” Kevin shook his head. “He said that Nick went straight to his room the minute he got up and that he hadn’t heard from him ever since.”

Brian frowned at the news. “You don’t think that something happened do you?”

“Like what?” Kevin let out a nervous laugh. “That he got kidnapped? No I don’t think so. His probably sleeping like a baby and doesn’t hear us banging the door.” He knew that it was a weak excuse but what else could’ve happened? Nick had a tendency to stay in his room when he had a time off mostly since he didn’t want any fans to disturb him when he had a time off.

“How can’t he hear this? “ Brian knocked as loud as he could. “I’m sure that they hear it in the rest of the hotel.” Once again he shouted for his little brother to open up, only to be returned with silence again. Seeing that Kevin had clicked his phone open he asked, “What you gonna do?”

“Call D and Jay and here if they know anything.” The five minutes were up now and he knew that neither of the parts would be all that happy, yet there wasn’t much he could do. “And if that doesn’t work I’m calling the reception desk to see if they can open up the room.”

The younger man shook his head. “Nick won’t like that.”

“Well tough case for him. If he doesn’t open he has to learn to deal with the consequences!”

To the both men's despair, no one had heard from the blonde. Johnny was annoyed as hell that he was missing and was throwing a fit telling Kevin who was in the battle zone how much he disliked that they went out without security or telling anyone about their whereabouts. When he’d calmed down he said that he would send someone from the desk up to open the door.

“l take it that he wasn’t too happy over the news?” Brian said when Kevin had hung up.

“That is a mild way to put it,” the older man sighed. “Anyway he’s sending someone up and we have to wait here.” Kevin put his head against the wall. “ This reminds me of the older days.”

“Yeah it sure does.” Brian agreed. “Do you remember that time when we thought that Nick was missing and it turned up that he had gone swimming and hadn’t told anyone?”

“IF I remember.” Kevin let out a snort. “As I recall I was the one that got the crap for that one since Lou had assigned me to be in charge and therefore it was my fault.”

Brian went silent. “You had to take a lot of crap for what we did, didn’t you?” he asked slowly.

The older man looked up. Surprised over the sudden comment. He’d never thought that anyone realized that whenever one of the younger guys screwed up he was the one that had to take the heat. He was the oldest, the most responsible one. “Sometimes.”

“I don’t think we ever realized that,” Brian went on, remorse evident in his voice. “And if we knew I’m sure that we wouldn’t have done quite as much as we did.” He looked guilty.

Kevin let out a small laugh, amused more than annoyed. “And you want me to buy that? Brian I KNEW that you guys knew that I got alot of the crap of what you did.”

“Maybe so.” It was Brian's turn to smile. “But my point is that we didn’t know how it affected you. “ He looked down on the floor. “And if we'd known we would’ve tried to behave a little better.”

“Okay.” Kevin didn’t know what to say. He was in no mood having to listen on Brian's guilt trip besides he didn’t think it mattered anymore. They were all adults and they had all done stupid things in the past, but that was history now. “You were young, I was young...” He paused, “and we were all in a stressful situation. Things happened and its time to move on.” Kevin mused over the psycological words that came out of him. His dad would’ve been so proud if he’d heard that he was taking the higher road.

“Excuse me,” A dark haired cleaning lady said in broken english. “You’re the gentleman that called and wanted room 1533 to be opened?”

Kevin and Brian who had been engrossed in the conversation looked up a bit startled. “Yes.” Before they had a chance to say anything more the woman picked up a key and opened the door. Instantly the two men stepped into the room only to find Nick's two suitcases hazadily thrown up on the kingsize bed, but it didn’t look as if anyone had slept in there. As a matter of fact it didn’t look as if anyone had been in the room at all.

“Wierd,” Kevin mumbled to himself. Didn’t Nick say that he was going to take a cat nap?

Brian looked just as surprised. Strolling into the room the both men saw that the bathroom door was slightly opened and as in insticnt they opended it up. The room was dimmed with fog and suddenly they both knew where they could find their friend. The both men looked at each other as Kevin pulled the showercurtain aside.

And true to their words; there in the bathtub was there missing person.

Nick laid with his head resting against the back of the tub and he appeared sleeping peacefully. Music was blasting into his ears through headphones and it was no doubt the reason why he hadn’t woke up when they had been knocking.

Neither of the men could hide their laughter now and the cleaning lady who was waiting outside called out to them, “Now when you found your missing friend I will be leaving you.” With that she closed the foor leaving them all alone in the room.

Brian was giggling so hard over the sight that greeted him. Nick looked like a giant baby where he slept and he was snoring loudly. Sticking his hand into the water he found it was cold and he shrugged away instantly. “Shit.”

“What is it?” Kevin had been much too busy making sure that no one could come inside the room.

“The waters cold. It’s freezing.”

“Oh crap.” Kevin said. “It’s no good. He’ll freeze to death.” The older man started to act. “We have to wake him up.” With that he shook his younger friends shoulder only to get a grunt back. It was no doubt that Nick was heavily in sleep and he made no attempt to wake up. Taking off his headphones he said, “Come on, you gotta wake up.” Another shake on his shoulders.

This time there was a low moan but no further actions were taken.

Both men took their turn in waking the younger man up but it was futile.

“He's really cold,” Brian observed. “You think it’s dangerous?”

“I hope not.” Kevin tried to stay calm but he didn’t like it that Nick kept on sleeping as if he was uncounsious. He gave another shake, this time harder than ever before and at the same time yelled “NICK wake up!”

This most have startled the blonde so much as he shot up from the bathtub like a canonball. “What the fuck?” He looked so confused that the two men started to laugh.

“Where the fuck am I?” Nick looked around and as he came to realize that he was in a bathtub and Kevin and Brian had joined him, staring at him while doing their best not to piss in their pants from laughter he said, “What are YOU doing here?”

“We tried to wake you up,” Brian explained while Kevin picked up a towel from the rack.

“Oh,” Nick sank back into the tub, his arm covering his eyes as if he had the monster of a hangover. “I must’ve fallen asleep in the bathtub.”

“So it seems.” Kevin handed him the towel. “Here dry up. You must be absolutely freezing after sleeping in that ice water.”

Nick nodded greatfully accepting the towel. “You go and wait outside, I’ll be out in a minute.” The both men did as they been told and left the room, still laughing over the situation that been played out minutes ago.

“We’ve gotta tell Johnny that Nick's been found,” Brian said as he sat down on the bed.

“Yup.” Kevin agreed. He frowend when he heard the deep coughs coming from the bathroom. That didn’t sound too good and the fact that they had found their little brother asleep in a ice cold bath tub didn't help matters either. If Nick wasn’t careful he would end up with pneumonia. Picking up his phone he rang down to Johnny only saying two sentences.

“The missing person has returned. We’ll be down in five.”

It was blistering hot outside even though it was afternoon. The thirty lucky fans that had gotten passes to the sound checks where handed out water so there wouldn’t be any fainting spells. They were all screaming and looking as if they were in heaven.

The same couldn’t be said for Nick. He was in hell!

The cold that had been eating him up for the last couple of days was starting to get worse. His nose was itching all the time and he had a hard time breathing through his nose without sounding stuffed up. The cough was persistant and every time snot clogged up his system he felt as if he would choke and therefore as a result would end up coughing, sometimes very hard, afraid he would hack up a lung.

Since it was sound check, working time, he did the best he could not to choke up on the phlegm and therefore swallowed several times in a row, hoping that the itchy feeling in the back of his throat would disappear. He tried hard to act as if nothing bothered him, mainly because he couldn’t stand another comment over how stupid he’d been that he had fallen asleep in the bathtub and that an idiot could figure out that a cold only grew worse from that and now he had only himself to blame for feeling like shit.

Okay neither of the guys would actually spell it out loud but Nick felt like a dork for causing such a scene earlier, besides he didn’t want any special treatment. He was twenty-five years old for crying out loud, not some kind of baby that needed to be taken care of.

It was these thoughts that lead him to act as if nothing was wrong even if it was sweltering hot up on stage and he felt as if his head would explode at any given second. Not to mention the urge to both sneeze and cough his brains out while being so dizzy that it was hard to tell what was up and what was down.

“Nick!” AJ’s voice cut through his thoughts making him blink several times.

“Huh? What?” The stage came into focus again and he could see both Alexander's and Howie's dark eyes peering at him, concerned.

“You missed your cue.” The words were said like a whisper but they hit Nick straight in his gut. He’d missed his cue? He seldom missed a cue before...at least not when it was this obvious.

Shit. He’d spaced out again.

Running a hand through his hair he tried desperately to make up something to say and his begging eyes seeked the rest of the fellas. It was an unwritten rule that whoever was off or missed the tune would get backup by the rest of the group. They would all try to make it seem as if it was a part of the act and so far they had nearly managed to pull it off all times, that if you didn’t count the closest fans that had eyes like a hawk that could easily spot it's prey hundreds of miles away. With a little exaggeration.

“No wonder that you missed your line with so many hot ladies in da house tonight.” AJ joked suddenly, lying his arm around Nick's shoulder and in the same time whispering, “I’ll handle this.”

Surprised over this kind of action Nick went with the flow. “Yeah, you girls all drive me crazy.” He grinned the largest grin that he could give without looking cheezy, his grin almost freezing into place when he heard AJ say out loud; “Which one of you lovely girls would wanna go out with this dude tonight?” The screams that followed were so loud that you could mistaken it for an audience of hundreds of people when in reality it was just a small crowd.

Nick glared at AJ. Dating was the last thing he had in mind today. Especially a fan. “What the hell are you doing?” He hoped that no one heard what he said but at the same time he had to stop AJ before he was being auctioned out like some kind of goods.

But the older man stayed calm. Mouthing he said, “Relax. I’ve got it.” With that he turned towards the audience, “You know Mr. Carter is single!” More screams and Nick thought his head would pop off the socket. If this was AJ’s attempt to get him out of an akward situation it was lame. Insane.

Brian must have thought the same since he asked, “Okay okay. Are we gonna talk about Nick's love life or are we here to play?” He said it jokingly but Nick could see that he was in no mood for the attention that the youngest always seemed to get. It was getting tiresome.

More screams while Nick pretended to act as if he was embarrassed, making that face that he knew got the girls screaming even louder. When he was younger he had at first been afraid when they had screamed so loud only to a few years later make fun out of the screaming and at times used it to get his fair share of attention. Nowdays he didn’t care. If he made them scream fine by him.

“I don’t know.” AJ said with a mischievious grin, “Let’s ask them!”

More noise, even louder this time.

Nick smiled at all of them again and then said with a gleam in his eyes, “You know I love you all. With out you my life is....” The music started up and AJ nodded at him to go on, to cue in the song, “Innnncccooooommmplleeeeet.” He sang the tune out loud and the fans started to wave their hands all excited.

Greatful that his friends had once again saved his ass Nick sang on, hoping desperately that the sound check would soon come to an end. Hopefully without any further fuck ups from his part.

Back in the backstage room Nick let out the coughs he’d been holding all the time during sound check. They were dry and hard and for a moment it felt as if his lunch would come up in return, but he did his best to swallow it down. Lying down his aching head on the armrest on the couch he stretched his long legs. Every limb in his body hurt and it almost felt as if he was in the beginning of the flu. The rest of the guys were still out there signing autographs but Nick had begged off, saying that he had some phone calls he had to make.

It was a lie. Truth was that he needed some peace and quiet before it was show time again. If he was lucky no one would come backstage for half an hour and he would get some well needed shut eye. There hadn’t been much sleeping last night, but he’d neglected to mention it, afraid that if he did so it would cause the rest of the guys to start questioning if he had partied on the bus. It was stupid, especially since the only one he was with was his bodyguard Q and neither of them had showed much interest in partying the previous night. Besides, he’d called in early and had spent his night mostly coughing and not being able to sleep because of his sinuses. Hardly party time according to his book.

He hoped that whoever entered the room first would have the courtesy to leave him alone. Ten minutes later he knew that he should’ve wished for something else.

“Yo Dwag...the girls missed you.” AJ said as he entered the room. Picking up a coke he opened it and then took a large swig before continuing, “They asked where you were. I told them you were jerking off.” A grin crept up on his face.

“Okay.” He knew that even though his friend could be evil at times he would never say something like that and his plan was that if he didnt talk all that much AJ would take the hint and end the conversation. No such thing happend instead his silence seemed to fule his friend into further chat.

“You know I saved your ass...again.”

“By telling the chicks I spanked the monkey?” Nick played dumb hoping that his friend would comment that he was as dumb as a rock and then leave him alone. It was in vain.

“No stupid.” AJ laughed. “I saved you when you spaced out on stage today.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it to be saved. You talking about my love life.” Putting his arm over his eyes he went on, “All you did was to make the girls go crazy.”

“I got you off the hook didn’t I.?” He nudged Nick with his shoe, “You owe me one Carter.”

“In your dreams,” The young man groaned, rolling to his side so he had his back against the intruder. “You just saw a chance to make fun of me.”

“True...” The older man grinned. “But then I saved your stinky ass too. Spacing out on stage so you forget your cue ain’t something that will keep the management happy.”

“Screw management.”.

AJ laughed. “Let’s hope that Johnny doesn’t hear that.”

“Screw Johnny then.” Nick closed his eyes tight. “Now let me be will ya? I really need some rest. I’m tired.” He held his breath while he waited the return of a sneering comment and when nothing happend he rolled to his side again, facing AJ who was now studying a music magazine that Kevin had brought with him. “What? No comments?”

“Nope.” The older man shook his head. “You look like you need all the rest you can get. Frankly you look like a piece of shit.”

“Thank you man, those words felt good,” Nick snorted back. “Well you should’ve thought about that when you fell asleep in the bathtub.” “Fuck you.” Nick flipped his middlefinger.

“Love you too bro” AJ grinned. “Now get that beauty sleep. God knows you need it.”

His friend could be vey blunt but still he knew that his friend cared about him. Very much. That had been several occassions in the past, especially since he had fought his own problems that the older man had made clear that he stood by Nick's side whatever happened. And that felt good.



***************************************************************************
Another night was coming close to an end and the outsold concert had been a huge succsess. The guys had been singing and dancing and had left the fans screaming for more. All of them had given everything they had and now when it was just one number left: Backstreet's Back exhaustion was shining in their eyes.

Nick was the one of the guys that was especially tired. He’d come on strong in the beginning, his short cat nap doing him good, but in the end he started to slack down alot. Howie noticed how the youngest member was sweating buckets and in the end of each song he looked like a drenched cat. Sweating had always been Nick's trademark but this was out of the ordinary and he suspected that the reason were a case of the fever, possibly the flu.

It didn’t help matters that the cough that had Nick in a tight grip seemed to worsen and there were more than one time where Howie found his friend panting while trying to catch his breath.

“You guys ready to do the final act?” the stage hand asked the five members.

“Sure, bring it on.”

“Yeah let’s go.”

They were all so worked up, ready to do the finishing act and they couldn’t wait until they were whisked up on stage again. The crowd was screaming when the five men entered and instantly they went about on their act. Howie watched how Nick was doing his best to keep up with the rest of them, but he could see that the energy he showed on and off during the evening seemed to more drain him now and the combination of a pale face and a sweaty appearance made him feel concerned.

“Am I sexual?” Nick sang but when he didn’t do any of those famous hip moves Howie felt even more worried. This was not like the singer to act like a wash rag, just standing there looking as if he wanted to be miles away. Recently Nick had been the entertainer of the group and by the look of it AJ would have to move aside for the youngest to get the gold medal. A medal that the rebel had won ever since the day he entered the group.

“Everybody...rock your body...” The rest of the group sang while making their notorious moves. Howie danced on too, but for some reason he couldn’t keep his eyes frp, Nick who seemed to more and more lack the ability to move his body. When the young man had once again bent over, coughing, he moved up to him asking if everything was allright. All he got was a panting “Yup” which could very well mean that he was feeling all fine and dandy or the opposite; total crap. Judging how pale Nick looked he went for the second option.

As soon as the light had went out and they were back under stage again Howie moved to talk to Nick only to see that Kevin had beat him to it. Judging by the wild argument his friend was not happy over what was being said. Nick stole a glance or two at Howie's side as if he was seeking help and all the older man could do was smile back. Hoping that the youngest would know that he cared even if he didn’t go in between the two men's discussion.

“D come here,” Kevin barked loudly.

Like so many times before Howie reacted at once without questioning his older friend. When Kevin called there was often something serious or something that needed to be discussed and no one questioned that.

“Okay, I’m here.” He looked at Kevin “So, what do you want?”

“Nick and me have been talking,” The older man set his eyes into the blonde as if he dared him to argue against him. When he was sure that no comment of that sort came he went on, “and I was wondering if you could stay on his bus tonight.” “Don’t listen to him. He's just fucked up.” Nick tried to object when Kevin rose his hand to stop him a sharp glare accompanied.

“I know that you don’t want that but it’s for the best. Especially when you’re running a fever.”

Howie stiffened. A fever? Was Nick running a fever? No wonder that he was sweating buckets!

“I can take care of myself,” the blonde spat. “I can handle this. I’m not a baby you know.” He glared at the older man who swiftly ignored his complaints. “Besides I’ve got Q with me...and...and he doesn’t snore!” That last comment was directed to Howie who couldn’t help but laugh.

“Maybe so but it won’t be much problem for me. Q can ride with us....” looking at the chocolate skinned man he saw him shake his head slowly, “Or he can ride in my bus.” A smile was returned.

Nick must have spotted the action that was taking place since he said with a sigh. “All right D can stay. But only for tonight.” Turning to both older man he said firmly, “Don’t let this be a habit beacuse I don’t need the help.” With that he turned on his heels and walked out of the room

“He didn’t like that,” Howie said to Kevin as soon as Nick was out of sight. “What did you tell him to persuade him for me to come along?”

“I told him that I would drag his sorry ass to the doctor and let him do all kinds of nasty tests. Shots and all.” For a second a gleam of evil spread over Kevin but then he sighed loudly, “and we all know what a baby Nick can be when it comes to those things.”

Figures Big brother Kevin to do something like that.

“Oh yeah.” Howie nodded. They had a fair share of stories about Nick refusing to go to the doctor or passing out when it comes to getting a blood sample. “I bet that changed things.”

"We can’t afford anyone being sick this early into the tour and Nick needs someone to keep a close eye on him. My plan is that we take turns in riding with him for the upcoming days, especially if he keeps having this cold...or the flu..or whatver bug it is he got.”

Howie frowned. Was Kevin really serious? “Does Nicky know about this?” The older man shook his head. “Nope and he’s not gonna either. This is mainly between us. If he finds out he'll just spoil it and then the stubborn son of a bitch that he can be, he would hole up on his bus not telling a living soul if he is close to a hospital stay or not.” Kevin said it with a hint of joke but Howie knew he was serious.

There were times when Nick could be so one-minded and stubborn that he put his own health and life in jeopardy. Sometimes he did it out of spite and sometimes he did it just because he was stupid enough not to realize the consequences of his actions. Whatever his reason was he needed guidance and who could better provide it than his older brothers?