Chapter 1:

The Girl Next Door and the Childhood Best Friend/High School Sweetheart


One morning, Nick Carter awoke and looked out his window. It was a bright, sunny day. He could see a big yellow Ryder truck parked in the driveway of the mansion next door.

Gee, someone must be moving in, he thought. That’s when he noticed two young women sitting on the front porch of the mansion, while movers hauled furniture from the truck into the house. Damn, they’re fine, he thought, squinting at them through the mini-blinds. I better go introduce myself.

He got dressed as quickly as he could and raced outside. Then, very casually, he crossed the yard and approached the house next door. The two girls were perched on the steps of the front porch. They both looked up when they noticed Nick coming towards them.

“Hi,” one of the girls said, smiling at Nick. She was absolutely stunning, of course. She had long, white blonde hair (which, of course, was not dyed, but natural), bright blue eyes (which were, of course, also natural, not contacts), and straight, gleaming white teeth (which, obviously, were natural as well and were not helped along by braces or Crest White-Strips). She had a model’s figure (of course), tall and slender. “My name’s Nikki Cartier, and this is, like, my best friend, Taylor Johnson. We just, like, moved here from, like, Kentucky.”

Before we move on to Nick’s reply to this introduction, we must of course describe Nikki’s friend Taylor in great detail as well. Taylor was also beautiful. She had shoulder-length red hair and gorgeous emerald green (yes, not just green, but emerald green) eyes. She also had straight, white teeth (naturally), as well as a creamy, flawless complexion. She was very petite, short and thin.

“Whoa, your name is actually Nikki Cartier? My name’s Nick Carter!”

“Ohmygod, those, like, sound alike! Like, what a coincidence!” Nikki exclaimed.

“I know!” Nick cried.

“Like, wait a minute,” Taylor said suddenly. “Did you just, like, say your name was, like, Nick Carter? As in, like, the Backstreet Boy?!”

“Yeah,” Nick replied.

“Like, OHMYGOD!” both girls shrieked at the same time.

“Like, ohmygod, I, like, didn’t even recognize you!” Nikki gasped. “Tay and I are, like, such huge fans of you guys!”

Nick stared at her. “And you didn’t recognize me?”

“Hehe, like, no!” Nikki giggled.

Nick shrugged – she seemed like a bit of an airhead, but she was hot, so he didn’t mind. “Hey, you wanna be my girlfriend, Nikki? Since we have almost the same name and all?” he asked.

“Like, ohmygod, like, sure! Ohmygod, Tay, I’m, like, going out with, like, a, like, Backstreet Boy!” Nikki screamed.

“Like, do you, like, think you can, like, hook me up with, like, a Backstreet Boy too?” Taylor asked.

“Yeah, maybe Brian would want to go out with you,” Nick said.

“Like, ohmygod, that would be, like, so awesome if you were, like, going out with Brian, Tay, because then we could all, like, go on double dates and stuff! Cause, like, Brian and Nick are, like, best friends, you know, and like, so are we!” Nikki pointed out.

“Like, ohmygod, cool!” Taylor squealed. “Hey, Nick, like, when can you, like, ask Brian?”

“I can ask him right now,” said Nick. “He’s still sleeping, but I can wake him up and get him to come out here and meet you.”

“Wait, like, you mean, like, you guys all live together in that house?” Nikki asked.

“Oh yeah, of course. The five of us are like brothers, you know. We share a house, and we hang out together all the time, even when we’re not on tour. We always go swimming and shopping and clubbing together, and we have barbeques and go to Disney World and all kinds of stuff! We hang out 24/7!”

“Like, ohmygod, cool!” Taylor squealed again.

“Come on in, I’ll introduce you to Brian and the other guys,” said Nick, leading the two girls back through the yard and into the Backstreet Boys’ mansion. He found the four other guys in the kitchen. Kevin, Brian, and AJ were sitting around the kitchen table, drinking coffee and reading the morning paper, while Howie made breakfast.

“Hey guys, look who just moved in next door!” Nick announced, bringing Nikki and Taylor into the kitchen. “This is my new girlfriend, Nikki Cartier, and this is her best friend, Taylor Johnson.”

“Taylor Johnson?” Brian repeated. “Hey, are you by any chance from Lexington, Kentucky?”

“Like, ohmygod, how did you know that?” Taylor asked, her eyes widening.

“Oh my goodness, it’s you! You were my childhood best friend and high school sweetheart!”

Taylor cocked her head a minute. Then she let out a squeal. “Ohmygod, you’re THAT Brian Littrell! Like, ohmygod, in all these years of me being, like, a Backstreet Boys fan, I, like, never realized you were, like, the same person!”

Brian blinked. Then he shrugged – she had always been a bit of an airhead, but she was hot, and she had big boobs, so he had never minded.

“So, Taylor, since we’ve found each other again and all that, you wanna get back together?”

“Ohmygod, like, totally!” Taylor cried, throwing her arms around him. “Ohmygod, I’m, like, dating a Backstreet Boy too now, Nikki!”

“Ohmygod!” Nikki squealed.

“Here, guys, eat up. We’ll need our strength for the concert tonight,” Howie said, brining a skillet of pancakes over to the table.

“Ohmygod, you guys, like, have a concert tonight?” Nikki asked. “Can we, like, come?”

“Sure!” said Nick. “We’ll get you front row tickets.”

“Ohmygod, like, cool!” Taylor exclaimed.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 2:

The Two Girls That Won Front Row Tickets and Backstage Passes


At the Concert

Ali Stevens and her best friend Praline Parker were the luckiest girls in the world. They had won front row tickets and backstage passes to the Backstreet Boys concert in their hometown of Orlando, Florida that night.

“Like, ohmygod, Praline, I, like, can’t believe how, like, lucky we are!” Ali cried, as the two stood in the front row, waiting for the concert to begin.

“Like, ohmygod, Ali, I, like, know!” Praline cried back.

Before we move on in the story, we must, of course, describe Ali and Praline and what they were wearing. Ali was beautiful, with long, brunette hair and chocolate brown eyes (yes, not just brown, chocolate brown… no wait, dark chocolate brown… ooh la la). She had flawless, tan skin and was very tall and slender (obviously). She was dressed in her tightest black leather pants and a gold sequined top, which showed off her tanned, toned stomach.

Praline was also beautiful. She had long, light brown hair and chocolate brown eyes, as well, but hers were a rich milk chocolate brown, not dark chocolate like Ali’s. She, too, had flawless, tan skin and was very tall and slender. She and Ali had decided to coordinate their outfits, so she was wearing skin-tight gold pants and a black sequined top, which showed off her tanned, toned stomach.

“Like, ohmygod, Praline, the concert’s, like, starting!” Ali screamed, as the lights in the venue dimmed.

“Like, ohmygod!” Praline screamed back.

There were no opening acts and no long wait. As soon as the lights were all the way off, the Backstreet Boys burst onto the stage, and the concert began. Praline and Ali danced and sang and screamed the whole time. They knew all the words to all the Backstreet Boys’ songs because they were, of course, their biggest fans.

After the concert, there was a meet and greet backstage. Clutching their backstage passes in their hands, Praline and Ali went into a room with the other lucky fans who had gotten backstage passes were.

“Like, ohmygod, Praline, how do I look?” Ali asked her best friend. “Do I have, like, enough body glitter on?”

“Like, no, most of it’s, like, rubbed off. Here.” She opened her purse and got out a large jug of body glitter, which she and Ali began to rub all over themselves. “There, that looks, like, much better. You look, like, totally hot, girl.”

“Like, thanks, like, so do you, girl!”

If only they knew what was to come…

***

“Man, I hope there’s some fine chicks at the meet and greet tonight,” AJ said, as he led the other four Boys down the hall to the room where the meet and greet was going to take place. “Now that Nick and Brian have girlfriends, I need a girlfriend too.”

“Me too,” said Kevin.

“Me three,” said Howie, winking spontaneously.

They entered the room, where many fans were waiting. AJ quickly surveyed the room, then stopped, his mouth falling open. There, in the very center of the room, was the girl of his dreams. She was absolutely beautiful. She had long, light brown hair and milk chocolate brown eyes. She had flawless, tan skin and was very tall and slender, and she was wearing skin-tight gold pants and a black sequined top, which showed off her tanned, toned stomach.

Pushing past all the other screaming girls, AJ made his way over to the girl.

“Hi,” he said breathlessly. “I’m AJ. What’s your name?”

“Praline Parker,” the girl said, smiling seductively at him.

“Praline? That name is phat! Hey, you wanna be my girlfriend?”

“Ohmygod, like, yeah!” Praline cried.

AJ grinned – she seemed like a bit of an airhead, but she was hot, and she looked like she would be good in bed, so he didn’t mind. He grabbed her hand eagerly and practically dragged her out of the room.

“AJ, where are you going?” Kevin demanded, as AJ and Praline brushed past him.

“To the dressing room!” AJ announced gleefully, disappearing from the room with Praline hot on his heels.

Howie, meanwhile, had approached Praline’s friend. She was beautiful as well, with long, brunette hair and dark chocolate brown eyes. She had flawless, tan skin and was very tall and slender. She was dressed in her tightest black leather pants and a gold sequined top, which showed off her tanned, toned stomach.

“Hi, I’m Howie. Howie doing?” he asked her, grinning his toothiest grin.

“Just, like, wonderful now that, like, you’re here,” Ali said, her voice soft and silky. “I’m, like, Ali Stevens, by the, like, way.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Howie said with a wink. She seemed like a bit of an airhead, but she was hot, and she looked like the type of girl who would cook his breakfast and his lunch and his dinner (he wanted bacon, eggs, guacamole…), so he didn’t mind. “Hey, Ali, you wanna be my girlfriend?”

“Ohmygod, like, definitely!” Ali replied.

“Great!” exclaimed Howie.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 3:

The Terminally Ill Hottie


The next day

After the concert the night before, Taylor, Nikki, Praline, and Ali had all gone home with the Boys and slept with them. Now it was morning, and because the Boys didn’t have a concert that night, they had the whole day to spend with their new girlfriends. Or so they thought.

“Hey, wanna go to Disney World today?” Nick suggested.

“Like, ohmygod, that would be, like, totally cool!” Nikki exclaimed.

“We can’t,” Kevin said. “We’re supposed to visit sick kids at the hospital today, remember?”

“Aw, crap,” Nick muttered.

“Nick,” Kevin said warningly. “It’s the least we can do.”

“I know,” Nick sighed. “I just wanted to try doing Nikki on Space Mountain.”

“Ooh, Nicky, you, like, naughty boy!” Nikki said with a squeal.

“What time are we going to the hospital?” Brian asked.

“At ten,” Kevin replied.

“Okay, cool.”

If only they knew what was to come…

***

At ten

Kevin felt a sick feeling in his stomach as he and the other guys stepped off the elevator in the pediatric ward of the hospital. He had always hated hospitals.

“Thanks for coming,” said a nurse, warmly shaking their hands. “The children are so excited you’re here. Most of them are waiting for you in the playroom, but there’s a few that are too sick to leave their beds, so you can go visit them in their rooms.”

The five Boys went to the playroom first and hung out with all the kids there for awhile. Then they went to visit the other children’s rooms. Finally, they came to the last room at the end of the hall. Kevin walked in first and gasped aloud. There, lying on the bed in the room, was the girl of his dreams.

She had raven black (yes, not just black, but raven black) hair and sapphire blue (yes, sapphire blue) eyes. She had creamy, porcelain skin and was thin and delicate looking. She was dressed in a hospital gown and had an IV coming out of one hand, but she still looked unbelievably sexy.

“Hi,” Kevin breathed. “I’m Kevin. What’s your name?”

“Like, ohmygod, I, like, can’t believe it’s really you guys!” the girl in the bed shrieked. “I, like, love you guys so much! Oh, and, like, my name’s, like, Safyre. Safyre Smith.”

”Safyre,” Kevin breathed. “That’s a beautiful name.”

“Like, thanks!”

Kevin just stared at her for a moment, taking in her beauty. Then something struck him. “How old are you?” he asked.

“Seventeen,” Safyre replied.

“Ohh, good,” Kevin said, sighing with relief. He knew he couldn’t ask her out if she was under sixteen; he didn’t want to get a statutory rape charge. But as long as she was older than sixteen, it was okay, even if she was still thirteen years younger than him. She seemed like a bit of an airhead, but she was hot, and she was old enough for him, so he didn’t mind. “Hey, Safyre, wanna be my girlfriend?”

“Ohmygod, like, of course!” Safyre cried. “I should, like, probably, like, tell you that I, like, have, like, terminal cancer though. I, like, hope that’s, like, not going to, like, make any difference.”

“Oh, no, not at all!” Kevin assured her. Then he paused a moment. “Wait, you can still have sex, right? Even though you have terminal cancer?”

“Oh, like, yeah, totally!”

“Okay then!” Kevin said excitedly, leaping onto her hospital bed and throwing his arms around her, kissing her passionately.

“Maybe we better leave you two alone,” said Brian, herding the other Boys out of the room.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 4:

Put on Some PANTS


The next day

Safyre had miraculously gone into remission the day before, so she had been discharged from the hospital. She, Praline, and Ali had decided to move in with Nikki and Taylor and live across the street from the five Backstreet Boys. But they would not be home for long.

“We’re leaving for our tour today,” the Boys told them over a McDonald’s breakfast that morning. “How would you ladies like to come with us?”

“Ohmygod, like, awesome!” shrieked the five girls.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea!” said Nick suddenly. “We don’t have an opening act. Maybe you guys could start a girl group and open for us! Can you sing?”

“Well, like, I’ve never, like, had any training, but, like, yeah, I can, like, totally sing!” Nikki replied.

“Yeah, like, me too!” Taylor added.

“Yeah, like, me three!” Ali added to that.

“Yeah, like, me four!” Praline added to what Ali had added.

“Yeah, like, me five!” Safyre added to what Praline had added to what Ali had added to what Taylor had added to what Nikki had said.

“Okay, great! Now all you need is some songs to sing,” said Nick.

“And we need, like, a name!” Nikki reminded him. “That’s, like, the most important part!”

“Oh. Right,” said Nick.

“Well, like, what should we call ourselves?” Taylor asked, looking at Nikki, Ali, Praline, and Safyre.

“Oh, like, I know!” said Praline. “How about we do, like, what ‘N Sync did, and like, use our initials!”

“Okay… so we have, like, a T for Taylor, like, an N for Nikki, like, an A for Ali, like, a P for Praline, and, like, a C for Saf-“

“It’s, like, an S, not a C,” Safyre interrupted.

“Oh, like, okay. So, like, an S for Safyre,” Taylor corrected herself.

“So, like, what can you spell out of that?” Ali asked.

“Ooh, like, I know!” Nikki squealed. “SPANT!”

“Like, what’s that mean?” Safyre asked.

“Uh… well, like, I dunno… but it, like, sounds cool!”

“Ooh, I, like, thought of a real word!” Taylor cried. “PANTS!”

“Ooh, like, yeah! P for Praline, A for Ali, N for Nikki, T for Taylor, and S for Safyre!” Praline cried.

“Yeah! And, like, our trademark can be, like, wearing pants!”

“Ohmygod, Tay, you’re, like, a genius!” Nikki exclaimed.

“Like, thanks, girl!”

“Okay, so you have a name,” said Kevin. “Now what are you going to sing?”

“Ooh, I know!” Nick cried. “They can just sing ‘N Sync songs and change some of the words!”

“Ooh, that’s perfect, Nicky!” said Howie. “Welcome to KBNHA records, girls!”

Praline, Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre all let out one collective shriek.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

“Like, what’s up, Miami?!” Praline yelled to the packed arena that night. “My name’s, like, Praline, and, like, this is Ali, and like, this is Nikki, and like, this is Taylor, and like, this is Safyre! We, like, call ourselves PANTS! We’re a new group that was, like, just formed, like, this morning, and we’re, like, going to open for, like, the Backstreet Boys!”

There was scattered applause throughout the arena.

“Okay, like, first, we’re, like, going to sing, like, a song called, like, ‘Tearin’ Up My Heart’,” Praline announced. There had not been time for them to find an instrumental version of the ‘N Sync song to sing along too, so they just sang along with the CD version. As ‘N Sync’s voices came over the speakers, the five girls joined in.

It’s tearin’ up my heart when I’m with you
But when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

They hadn’t had time to make up a dance routine either, so they just danced freestyle. When the song ended, Safyre said, “Okay, we’re going to, like, slow things down a bit with a ballad that I wrote called, like, ‘God Must Have Spent a Little More Time On You’.”

“Uh, like, Safyre, like, I don’t think you really, like, wrote that,” whispered Taylor. “I mean, like, isn’t that, like, another ‘N Sync song?”

“Like, yeah, but, like, they won’t know that!” Safyre whispered back, motioning to the crowd, which had begun booing and hurling Beanie Babies at the girls. “See, they, like, love us! They’re, like, giving us Beanie Babies!” The Beanie Babies soon turned to empty nacho containers and soda bottles.

“Can this be true, tell me can this be real,” Nikki sang along with Justin Timberlake’s whining voice, as a half-full Pepsi bottle bounced off her forehead. “How can I put into words what I feel…”

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 5:

The Long Lost Sister


“So, how was your performance?” AJ asked the girls, as the ten of them enjoyed a late McDonald’s dinner.

“It was, like, awesome!” Praline exclaimed. “We got, like, so many Beanie Babies!”

“Yeah, and we got, like, free soda too!” Nikki added. “Only, like, some people didn’t realize that, like, some of the bottles were, like, empty. But, like, that’s okay.”

“Yeah, like, maybe I should start a Beanie Babies collection now,” said Ali. “I, like, never had an Beanie Babies when I was, like, growing up, cause, like, I grew up in, like, foster care, and like, all my foster parents, like, abused me.”

“Damn, that sucks,” said AJ. Then, staring at Ali, he noticed something. “Yo, Ali, did you ever notice that you look almost exactly like me, but with longer hair?”

”Like, huh?”

“Hey!” said Howie, now staring at his girlfriend, too. “You’re right, AJ! I never realized it before, but she does look a lot like you!”

“Like, ohmygod, AJ, I think I’m, like, your long lost twin sister!” Ali cried. “Cause, like, we look alike, and, like, our names both start with, like, A, and, like, I never knew my parents or anything. We must have been, like, separated at, like, birth!”

“Whoa, freaky!” said AJ. “Good thing I didn’t try to bone you; that would have been some sick-ass sh-“ He was interrupted by the ring of his cell phone. “Hello?” he answered it.

“Hi, Alex,” came his mother’s voice.

“Mom!” exclaimed AJ, glancing at Ali, who was gazing blankly into space. “Mom, uh, why did you never tell me I had a twin sister?”

There was a pause – a long one.

“Mom?”

“Alex, how did you find out about Alexandra?”

“Alexandra? Oh, so that’s Ali’s real name?”

“Like, huh?” Ali jumped at the sound of her name.

AJ put his hand over the phone. “I’m talking to Mom,” he told her.

“Oh, like, cool. Like, tell your mom hi for me, kay?”

AJ stared at her. “My mom? She’s your mom too, you know.”

“Like, huh?”

“We’re twins, remember? Separated at birth? Remember?”

“Oh… like, yeah!”

“Yeah… so my mom is your mom too.”

“Whoa, like, really?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Like, whoa, cool! I’ve, like, never had a mom before! Well, like, I did have that one, like, foster mom, but she, like, abused me, and my foster dad, like, raped me and stuff.”

“Well, this is your real mom,” AJ told her, realizing he had obviously inherited the brains in the family – or maybe Ali had just suffered brain damage during her years of abuse…

“Alex? Are you still there?” came Denise McLean’s voice, reminding AJ he was still on the phone with her.

“Oh, yeah, I’m here,” he said.

“How did you find out about Alexandra?” she repeated.

“Well, she-“ AJ suddenly stopped. “Wait a minute… you actually named your twins Alexander and Alexandra?” he asked in a mix of disgust and disbelief.

Another long pause.

Finally, Denise answered, “I was heavily medicated at the time. It was a rough delivery.”

“Oh,” said AJ. “Well, anyway, Ali’s here, Mom. She’s Howie’s new girlfriend, and she’s part of our new opening act.”

“What?! She’s… she’s alive?!” Denise sputtered.

“Yeah… why? What happened to her?”

“AJ… I never told you this, but… your sister was kidnapped when you were both babies.”

“Kidnapped? How?”

“I’m not exactly sure. The kidnapper broke through your bedroom window, I suppose. No one knows exactly how; all I know is that I came in one morning, and Alexandra was gone. The police looked for months and finally told me that she was probably dead or gone forever.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” AJ cried.

“I just… couldn’t. I had such a hard time dealing with it myself, I just couldn’t put you through that as well. I thought you were better off not knowing.”

“What else have you lied to me about, mother?” AJ demanded. “Has my whole life been a lie?”

“Alex, stop being so melodramatic! Now where’s your sister? I want to talk to her.”

“Fine,” AJ muttered. “Here, Ali,” he said, holding the phone out to Ali. “Mom wants to talk to you.”

“Whoa, like, cool!” Ali squealed, taking the phone out of his hand. “Like, hello? Mom? Guess what? Did you know that, like, AJ and I are, like twins? Isn’t that just, like, the coolest thing?!”

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 6:

CRASH!


After they finished eating dinner and reuniting with lost loved ones at McDonald’s, the Backstreet Boys and PANTS climbed into their respective tour buses.

When Praline, Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre (whenever we list them from now on, we must of course list them in the order their initials appear in their group name – it’s just cute that way, ya know?) got onto the bus, they decided to change into their pajamas. Now, before we get on to the actual plot of this chapter, it’s crucial that we describe these pajamas in detail and how the girls looked in them.

Praline, being AJ’s girlfriend, loved two things – the color yellow and leopard print. Therefore, it was only natural that she would be wearing leopard print pajama bottoms and a light yellow tank top. The tank top was tight and cropped, showing her toned abs, her tanned shoulders, and her all-around perfect figure. She looked beautiful, as always, even in her pajamas.

Ali was Howie’s girlfriend, and so, of course, she loved the color purple. She was wearing short, purple plaid boxers that showed off her long, slender, tanned legs. Along with that, she had on a lavender tank top, which, like Praline’s, was tight and cropped and showed her toned abs, tanned shoulders, and all-around perfect figure. She, too, looked beautiful, even in her pajamas.

Since Nikki was Nick’s girlfriend, her favorite color was green. So, naturally, she was wearing lime green pajama pants with a matching tank top. The tank top showed off her toned abs, tanned shoulders… yada, yada, yada. Basically, she looked beautiful, even in her pajamas.

Taylor and Safyre were both wearing blue because Brian and Kevin were their boyfriends, and Brian and Kevin liked blue. Therefore, Taylor and Safyre liked blue too. They both had on cute bottoms and tank tops that showed off their toned abs, tanned shoulders, and all-around perfect figures, and they both looked beautiful, even in their pajamas.

And there we have it.

Now that we all know exactly what the girls are wearing and how they look, we can have them actually do something. The first thing they decided to do was watch Titanic on their tour bus’s DVD player. They decided on Titanic because, naturally, Titanic was their most favoritest movie ever. They put it in and made some popcorn and watched it and cried their eyes out at the end, and Ali commented on how sad it was that Leonardo DiCaprio had died on the Titanic because he was so hot and now he couldn’t make anymore good movies for them to watch, and Praline reminded her that Leo wasn’t really on the Titanic, that it was just a movie, and that he had made several movies since, one of them being The Beach, which she and Ali had gone to see together.

“Oh, like, yeah! I, like, remember that!” Ali giggled, and that settled that.

After the movie, the girls got up and danced around the bus’s makeshift kitchen table for awhile, lip-syncing to Spice Girls songs and using hairbrushes as microphones. And obviously, none of this is important to the story, but, come on, how could we write a chapter and not include these five perfect young women?

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Now we move on to the real point to this chapter, and for once, it doesn’t involve PANTS! *collective gasp from readers*. Instead, it revolves around… you guessed it… the Backstreet Boys!

While the PANTS girls were busy dancing around their table and lip-syncing to “Wannabe” *collective shouts of “NOOOOO!” from the readers*, the Backstreet Boys were in their own tour bus (which was driving in front of the girls’ bus). Nick and Brian were playing Nintendo (Mario Kart, of course), while the other three were busy watching adult fil- uh… I mean… watching some TV. MTV, in fact. Yeah, that’s it – they were watching MTV.

Because the Boys were so busy playing Mario Kart and watching… MTV, they didn’t notice how dark and cloudy it was outside. Actually, they already knew it was dark outside because it was nighttime, and they wouldn’t have really been able to tell it was getting cloudy anyway because it was dark. But it was. A bad storm was coming, and coincidentally, they were driving on a dark, deserted stretch of road a few miles away from the tiny town of Lonelyville, population 50.

A monstrous clap of thunder sounded, followed by a flash of lightning. Then, as if on cue, the heavens opened, and it began to pour. Fat raindrops smashed against the windows, and Gus, the driver, squinted out the windshield, desperately trying to see through the sudden gale.

The men in the back of the bus paid little attention to the storm, except for Nick, who, glancing out the window as lightning forked across the sky yet again, commented, “I hope the power doesn’t go out! Then we can’t play Nintendo!” and went back to Mario Kart. But the consequences of the storm would be much worse than that…

All of a sudden, just as Nick was nearing the finish line on Rainbow Road, they felt a mighty jerk, as the bus swerved to one side. Kevin and Howie tumbled right off the couch and hit the hard floor, and Nick nearly dropped his controller.

“What the hell is going on?” AJ yelled angrily.

And then, before he could get an answer…

CRASH!

If only they knew… no, wait, the “CRASH!” was a dramatic enough ending… guess we’ll leave the “if only they knew what was to come” line for the end of the next part. Okay, so here it is again, to get the true cliffhanger affect:

CRASH!

***

Chapter 7:

A Medley of Inspirational Songs


When AJ awoke, all he saw was white. His first thought was that he was dead, and this was Heaven. But then, realizing he was lying down, he sat up, looked around, and realized he was in what must be a hospital room. It was a double room, and lying in the bed next to him was none other than Howie.

“Howie?” AJ asked.

Howie looked over, his face lighting up. “AJ, you’re awake!”

“Yeah… what the hell happened?”

“The bus crashed,” replied Howie.

“Oh no! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Howie. “And so is Kevin. And Brian’s got some broken ribs and stuff, but he’s going to be okay. And you broke your ankle, but other than that, the doctor said you’re fine.”

“Oh good,” said AJ in relief. Then, going over what Howie had said, he realized one member of the group had not been mentioned. “Um… what about Nick?”

Howie’s face paled. “Uh… Nick?”

“Yeah, Nick. Where is he? Is he okay?”

“No… AJ, he’s in a coma. The doctors… they aren’t sure if he’s going to survive.”

“Oh God…” AJ whispered. “You’re serious?”

Howie’s large brown eyes filled with tears, and he began to sob.

“C’mere, man,” AJ said, opening his arms. Howie got up from his bed and ran across the room, into his friend’s arms. “Let it all out, man,” AJ said soothing, rubbing Howie’s back as Howie wept on his shoulder. “Do Brian and Kevin know yet?”

“Yeah, I’ve already been to see them. They’re together in the room next door to us,” said Howie. “We were waiting for you to wake up, and then we were going to go see Nick together. He’s in ICU.”

“Okay,” said AJ. “Hey, what about the girls? Are they here?”

“Yeah, they’re sitting together in a waiting room somewhere,” said Howie. “Ali was already in here for awhile, but they wouldn’t let Praline in until you were awake. Do you want to see her?”

AJ considered this for a moment, then decided he better act like a good friend and go visit Nick first. “Not yet,” he said. “Let’s go see Nicky first.”

“Okay,” said Howie. “I’ll be right back.” He left the room and returned a few minutes later with a wheelchair. “Here, get in,” he said to AJ.

“Hells no, I’m not getting in that thing! Get me some crutches or something!”

“The doctor said no; you’re pretty banged up from the crash, and you’re not ready for crutches yet. Now get in.”

Reluctantly, AJ climbed into the wheelchair. Then he and Howie went next door and got Kevin and Brian. Kevin was up and walking like Howie, but Brian didn’t look so good. He, too, was in a wheelchair, and he looked even more beat up than AJ felt. His face and arms were cut and bruised, and his chest was bandaged because of his ribs. He grimaced in pain as Kevin and Howie helped him into another wheelchair.

“I’ll push Brian,” said Kevin. “He’s my cousin.”

“Okay,” said Howie. “I’ll push AJ. He’s my best friend.”

And so they headed off down the hall to find Nick’s room. They found it and went inside. And, naturally, all four of them gasped in shock at the sight of their friend.

Now, of course, before we go on, we must describe this sight in detail so that the reader can form a clear picture of what her poor little Nick must look like right about now and start crying, smear her mascara, and end up looking like a total emotionally unstable freak. So here goes:

Nick lay lifelessly on the bed in the center of the room. All around him, machines beeped and blipped and hissed and whined and dinged and donged and clanged and whooshed and whistled and chirped and… well, you get the point. Hoses and tubes and wires were snaking out of all parts of his body. His skin was colorless (unless you used the colors “ashy”, “pasty”, “chalky”, “deathly pale”, “ghost white”, or “paper white” to describe it), and his head was bandaged, hiding his blonde hair. His eyes were closed, and he looked like he was sleeping. But AJ, Brian, Howie, and Kevin knew otherwise.

“What exactly is wrong with him?” AJ asked in a hushed voice.

“He has a head injury,” said Howie gravely. “The doctors say that even if he does come out of the coma, he might have brain damage.”

“He might not be the same Nick we all know and love,” added Kevin.

“Thanks for clearing that up, Kev,” AJ said dryly.

“Well, come on, guys,” Brian said in a choked-sounding voice. “They say people in comas can still hear. So let’s talk to him, let him know we’re here for him.”

Howie and Kevin pushed AJ and Brian closer, and they all gathered around Nick’s bed. Tentatively, Brian reached out, through the tangle of tubes and wires and hoses, and took Nick’s hand.

“Hey, Frack,” he said softly. “It’s me, Frick. The other guys are here too. We just want you to know we’re here, and we love you, and we want you to wake up soon, okay?”

Kevin, Howie, and AJ murmured their agreement. Then Brian continued on with the usual sappy, inspirational speech that is meant to smear even more mascara from the eyes of the readers.

“Nick, I’ve known you for ten years, and in those ten years, you’ve become like a little brother to me. You’re my best friend, and so much more than that. I love you, and I need you, Nick. Please, don’t give up on me now. You’ve got to fight, Nick. You’ve got to pull through. Please, Nick, just please wake up. I need you; the guys need you; Nikki needs you. How can we go on without you?”

“He’s right, Nick,” Howie said softly. “You’re our baby brother, and we need you here with us.”

AJ threw in the mild attempt at comic relief. “Yeah, if you’re not around, who’s going to whoop Brian’s butt at Mario Kart?”

Kevin added to this by saying, “Yeah, and who’s going to play practical jokes on us all the time?”

Then, of course, Brian went on to summarize, “They’re right, Nicky. See how much we need you?” And then, to make things even more cheesy, he closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and… you guessed it… began to sing.

“I need you tonight, I need you right now, I know deep within my heart, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right, cause I really need you tonight…”

AJ continued this, singing, “I figured out, what to say to you. Sometimes the words, they come out so wrong. And in time I know that you will understand, that what we had is so right this time.”

And of course, then they all joined in to sing the chorus again. “I need you tonight, I need you right now, I know deep within my heart, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right, cause I really need you tonight…”

Then AJ said, “Okay, this song is really gay and not that fitting.”

“You’re right. New song,” agreed Brian, opened his mouth once more, and began to sing, “I never thought that I would lose my mind, that I could control this. Never thought that I’d be left behind, that I was stronger than you. Girl, I know…”

“Uh… let’s just go to the chorus,” AJ said quickly, and they all began to sing again.

“Don’t wanna lose you now, Nickay, I know we can win this. Don’t wanna lose you now, no no, or ever again…”

“New song.”

“Although we’ve come, to the end of the road, still I can’t let go…”

“New song.”

“Show me the meaning of being lonely. Is this the feeling I need to walk with? Tell me why, I can’t be there where you are-“

“Too depressing – new song.”

“Um…” Brian racked his brain, running through all their old songs. “Gosh, I can’t think of anymore inspirational songs to sing. Any ideas, guys?”

Howie gave it a try. “You are my fire, the one desire-“

“GAY! Kevin?”

“Hm…” Kevin thought for a moment, then opened his mouth. “Well… there… ain’t… no… party…”

“… like a Backstreet party cause a Backstreet party don’t stop,” Brian and AJ joined in before they could stop themselves. Kevin, meanwhile, was still on, “… a… Back… street… party…”

Howie, meanwhile, had started his own song. “You don’t run with the crowd, you go your own way, you don’t play after dark, you light up my day.”

Brian stopped rapping, blinked, stared at Howie for a moment, then continued, “Got your own kind of style, that sets you apart, baby that’s why you captured my heart.”

“I know sometimes you feel, like you don’t fit in, and this world doesn’t know what you’ve got within.”

“When I look at you, I see something rare – a rose that could grow anywhere.”

“And there’s no one else that could compare.”

And then they all joined in. “What makes you different, makes you beautiful. What’s there inside you, shining through to me. In your eyes I see, all the love I’ll ever need…”

And they went on and on and finally finished the song. And then AJ said, “Okay, that had absolutely nothing to do with Nick or him leaving us or how much we need him or anything.”

“No, it didn’t,” said Brian. “But look, it worked!”

And sure enough, it had. By the miraculous power of their voices, Nick was coming out of his coma. His baby blue eyes (yes, baby blue, not just blue, of course) slowly opened, and he looked around, his eyes lighting up with recognition when he spotted them standing around his bed. He couldn’t say anything because of the respirator, though in some stories, this wouldn’t make a difference because the teenybopper authors don’t realize that you can’t talk when you’re on a respirator, but in this story, we’re going to be accurate and say that he couldn’t talk.

“Nick, you’re awake! It’s a miracle!” cried AJ.

And indeed it was. And once again, all was happy in Backstreet Land.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 8:

Ain’t Nothin’ But a Heartache… or is it?


Next, we would normally describe the Boys’ difficult recovery, but that’s not very interesting, so we’ll skip the depression and frustration and painkiller addictions and get back into the good stuff. And to do that, we must of course fast forward a year, to the first concert following the bus crash…


One year later

It had been a year since the traumatic tour bus crash that had nearly taken the Backstreet Boys’ lives (well, actually, only Nick’s, poor thing), but the Backstreet Boys were back (alright!) and ready to make up the many tour dates they had cancelled after the accident. And, of course, sometime over the course of that first concert, they had to give an inspirational speech on the tragedy and how one certain song had miraculously brought Nick back from the verge of death and given them all the power to go on, and then they would sing that song, which in this case happened to be “What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)”, a song that doesn’t go along with this theme at all. So we’ll skip that part too and move along.

“Now,” said Howie, after they finished “What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)”, “we’re going to sing one of our old classics and fan favorites – ‘Quit Playing Games’.”

Oh, before we get into that one, there’s one more very important thing we mustn’t forget to mention in this chapter – PANTS. Naturally, PANTS was still opening for the Backstreet Boys, and the girls were still going out with the Boys. In fact, after a year, they were all deeply in love and had absolutely perfect relationships. Not even any love triangles had tried to tear apart their romances, probably because there were five guys and five girls, so everything worked out fine. Now, if a single female popstar had been the opening act, there would have been trouble. But let’s save that for another story and keep talking about PANTS.

During the Backstreet Boys’ year-long hiatus, PANTS had been working on their debut album, Pull Up Your PANTS, and making music videos for TRL. And, naturally, they had great success and were always number one on TRL. In fact, TRL loved them so much that they threw out the whole retirement policy. Clearly, a mere sixty days on the countdown was not enough. PANTS’ first single, “We R Hott (U Know It Boyz)” had spent a record 120 days on the countdown, and their second one, “Will U Y Me 4Eva Boy?” was holding strong at 150 days at number one and counting. ‘N Sync (who had moved in to a house next door to the Backstreet Boys and tried to steal their girlfriends earlier that year, then realized they were gay and hooked up with O-Town instead) didn’t stand a chance.

Well, anyway, back to the Backstreet Boys, they were about to sing “Quit Playing Games”. The music began, and Brian started to sing, throwing a wave and random “Hello” in there after every few words. Then came the chorus, and of course, the Boys went “You sing!” to the audience and barely sang themselves… we know how that goes.

About when Nick started singing his solo, Brian began to feel a bit… peculiar. Stabbing pains shooting up and down a person’s left arm weren’t normal, were they? But that’s exactly what was happening to him, and they were getting increasingly worse as Nick sang on. The pain spread to his chest, and his heart pounded rapidly in his ears. He knew then that it was probably a bit more than heartburn.

Ironically, as the group reached the chorus again and sang the words “Quit playing games with my heart,” Brian keeled over, his microphone stand falling to the ground with him and crashing loudly on the stage. The sound system screeched with feedback from the microphone, and the fans gasped at the sight of Brian twitching on the stage.

“Cuz!” screamed Kevin, abandoning his singing and racing over to his fallen cousin.

Nick kicked over his microphone stand (he sure enjoys doing that, doesn’t he? Such a rebel… *snort*) and ran over to Brian as well, screaming “Frick!”

AJ followed after Nick, screaming “Rok!”

And after him came Howie, screaming “Bri!”

And then a random fan in the audience screamed “Nibbles!” and a few people gave her strange looks.

But anyway, back to Brian…

“Are you okay, Bri?” Nick was asking tearfully, as Brian thrashed around on the stage, his eyes bulging, his hands clutching his chest.

Kevin whacked Nick across the back of his blonde head and then leaned back over his cousin. “Hang on, Brian, just hang on,” he urged. “Howie, go get help!”

Howie scurried across the stage, but help was already on the way. A team of paramedics rushed onstage, carrying a stretcher with them. “Out of the way!” they barked, shoving the four other Backstreet Boys away from Brian. At that moment, Brian’s eyes (those crystal clear, vivid, angelic, sparking blue eyes) rolled back into his head, and he stopped twitching.

“NOOOOOO!” cried Kevin, his voice low and distorted. “NOT… MY… COUUUU-SIIIIIIN!”

By the time he got this out, the paramedics were already shocking Brian with those paddle thingies (defibrillator, teenyboppers, defibrillator). His body danced with electricity (and no, not the Electric Slide) after each jolt, and Nick burst into tears.

“P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-“

ZAP!

“P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-“

ZAP!

“P-p-p-please help him!” Nick finally choked out, as he sobbed like a little schoolgirl.

“We’re going everything we can, sir,” one of the paramedics replied dutifully, pressing the paddles to Brian’s chest again.

ZAP!

“Still no pulse! We’re losing him!” one of the paramedics cried (of course).

“Let’s shock him again!” another exclaimed.

ZAP!

And of course, this time, they got a pulse.

“We’ve got a pulse!” announced one of the paramedics.

“Thank God!” cried Kevin.

“We’re not out of the woods yet, sir,” a different paramedic said grimly. “We need to get him to the hospital – STAT!”

And at this command, the paramedics hauled Brian onto their stretcher and whisked him off to the ambulance and off they sped to the hospital, lights flashing, sirens wailing.

This was pretty bad, yes. But there were more trials ahead.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 9:

Bad News From That Osama Bin Laden Dude


An hour later, AJ, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Praline, Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre sat together in a small waiting room at the nearest hospital. They had only been waiting about forty minutes, but it seemed like an eternity (it always does, doesn’t it?). Taylor had been sobbing the entire time. Her face was red and blotchy with tearstains, her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and her mascara was smeared underneath them (don’t get the wrong idea though – she still looked beautiful, of course). Nick, glancing over at her in sympathy as she cried out, “Like, ohmygod, Brian!” yet again, got up from his seat next to Nikki and went over to sit next to her.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he said softly, putting a comforting arm around Taylor’s trembling shoulders. “Brian will pull through – he’s a fighter.”

“B-b-b-but what if h-h-h-he, l-l-l-like, d-d-d-doesn’t?” Taylor blubbered. “I-I-I-I-I-I, l-l-l-like, l-l-l-love h-h-h-him!”

“I know,” Nick said. “I love him too – in a non-gay way, of course! He… he’s like the older brother I never had. But believe me, Tay, Brian’s strong. He’s not gonna give up this easily. He’s a survivor, alright?”

At this, Taylor began to wail even more loudly.

“What’s wrong?” Nick asked, alarmed.

“Th-th-that was, like, a l-l-line out of, like, T-T-T-Titanic!” Taylor sobbed. “At th-th-the end, wh-when, like, L-Leo d-dies!”

“Aww!” cried out the other four girls, tears welling up in their own eyes.

Nick looked around in bewilderment. “Oh… okay... well, uh… Brian’s not going to be like… Leo… okay?” But Taylor, Praline, Ali, Nikki, and Safyre continued to sob. “Shh!” Nick whispered, putting his arm around Taylor again. “Shh, don’t cry!”

Taylor continued to weep, but Nikki stopped crying immediately and stood up, glaring at Nick. He looked at her questioningly and was about to ask what was up, when she stalked out of the room without a word.

“What was that all about?” Nick asked. Howie, Kevin, and AJ just shrugged. “I better go after her,” said Nick. “I’ll be back soon.” Then he got up and left as well.

He found Nikki slumped in a chair at the end of the hallway.

“Nikki?” he asked, when he reached her. “What’s wrong?”

Nikki glowered up at him. “I think you should, like, know what’s, like, wrong,” she spat bitterly.

“What?” Nick asked blankly.

“You were, like, flirting with, like, Taylor!” Nikki wailed, her eyes filling with angry tears.

“Flirting with Taylor?” Nick asked in disbelief. “What are you talking about?”

“You, like, hugged her, Nick!” Nikki cried, rising to her feet. “Like, what kind of boyfriend, like, are you?”

“Nikki, come on! It wasn’t like that! I was just comforting her!”

“It, like, didn’t look like that!”

“Well, that’s what it was!”

“Yeah, like, sure!”

“Nikki!” Nick cried in exasperation. “I swear, it was noth-“

But Nikki had already brushed past him and was jogging back up the hall. He watched her go and sighed. Then he wandered forlornly back into the waiting room.

He had only been back with the others for a few minutes, when a doctor finally came into the room. He was clearly of Middle Eastern descent, with tan skin, black hair and a full black beard, and large brown eyes. He had just opened his mouth to introduce himself, when Safyre jumped up from her seat, pointing at him and squealing, “Ohmygod, it’s like, that Osama Bin Laden dude! Like, kill him!”

Kevin leaped up as well, his cheeks flushing in horror and embarrassment at his girlfriend’s racist comments. He clapped his hand over her mouth and yanked her back down into her chair. “I’m so sorry about that, Doctor,” he said through gritted teeth. She may be completely ignorant, but she’s beautiful. Don’t forget that, he told himself firmly in his head.

The doctor just blinked warily, taking a few steps back. He surveyed the rest of the room, then opened his mouth again and said hesitantly, “My name is Dr. Ahmal. I have been taking care of Mr. Littrell.”

“He’s my cousin,” said Kevin. “I’ve known him all my life.”

“We know, Kev,” AJ said, rolling his eyes. “Dr. Ahmal, how’s Brian?”

Dr. Ahmal looked at them gravely. “I’m afraid you friend is not doing well. He suffered a massive heart attack, and I’m not sure he’ll live through the night.”

“NOOOOOO!” Nick cried out dramatically, and Taylor began to sob even louder than before.

“But… how?” Kevin managed to ask. “He had heart surgery in 1998 to fix his congenital condition; I thought everything was fine!”

“Yes, I read that on his chart. Apparently everything wasn’t fine though.”

“But exactly what caused it?”

The doctor blinked. “Well, how the hell should I know? It’s just something that happened, okay? Now you’re supposed to start crying along with your friends, not play 20 Questions with me. You don’t honestly expect a teenybopper fanfic to be medically accurate, do you?”

“Oh,” said Kevin. “I guess you’re right.” Then he let his own green eyes well up with tears and began to cry along with the others.

“That’s better,” said Dr. Ahmal. “Now, if you’d like to see him, I can take you to his room, but only two at a time. He’s very weak and is drifting in and out of consciousness.”

“Taylor, you and Nick should go first,” said Howie. “We’ll wait here.”

“Okay,” said Nick. Taylor was crying too hard to speak. Nick helped her up, and they followed Dr. Ahmal out of the room.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 10:

A Description of Brian’s Eyes, Some More Titanic Lines, and an Incredibly Long Beep


When Taylor and Nick walked into Brian’s hospital room and approached his bed, they both gasped in unison, but for different reasons.

“Like, ohmygod, look at me!” Taylor screeched, as she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the stainless steel tray that sat next to the bed. “My, like, mascara is all, like, smudged! Like, ohmygod!”

Nick, on the other hand, had gasped at the sight of Brian, not himself.

And this is the part where we describe in great detail how fragile and sickly Brian looks to make the boppers go “Awww, my poor little Babyduck!” and then burst into tears and lose all touch with reality and cling to the Brian posters on their walls, sobbing hysterically and screaming, “Ohmygod, no, not my Brian!” until their mothers come in with the Nyquil to get them to stop freaking out and calm down.

So here goes…

The man lying in the bed did not look at all like Brian. His already small frame looked even tinier, dwarfed by the hospital bed. His skin looked like death, paper white, ghostly pale, ashy gray (basically all the same adjectives we used to describe Nick’s skin when he was in the coma in Chapter 7… you get the point). He was surrounded by the usual plethora of medical machinery and the orchestra of strange and annoying noises coming from them, including the beep of the heart monitor positioned near the head of the bed.

For a moment, Nick stood frozen, his feet firmly rooted to the ground, afraid to go any closer. But then, a tiny voice in the back of his head urged him forward, saying, This is your best friend. You have to be there for him.

“Stop talking to me,” Nick said to the voice. But he obeyed its command and forced himself to go up further to the bed. While Taylor licked her fingers and rubbed furiously at her cheeks, trying to get her smeared mascara off, Nick stood next to Brian’s bed. He reached a shaking hand out, as if to take Brian’s hand, but stopped. Brian looked so fragile, Nick feared his friend would shatter if he touched him.

He’s not going to break, you dumbass. Just touch him, said the voice in Nick’s head.

“Shut up!” Nick shouted. “Get out of my head! Leave me alone! Stop talking to me!”

Taylor glanced up at him and gave him a strange look, then went back to trying to remove her mascara.

Again, Nick followed the voice’s advice and reached out for his best friend’s hand. “Frick,” he whispered huskily. “It’s me, Frack.” (Notice how they always call each other “Frick” and “Frack” in times like these… what’s up with that?)

Brian had not even flinched while Nick had been shouting at the voice in his head. But now, at the sound of his nickname, his deep, bright, twinkling, sparkling, crystal clear, sapphire, cerulean (ooh, that’s a new one! Look in your box of Crayolas, boppers, and you can find new adjectives to describe Brian’s eyes!) blue eyes fluttered open. Only his eyes didn’t look like their usual deep, bright, twinkling, sparkling, crystal clear, sapphire, cerulean, blue selves. Instead, they were pale and grayish and rather unfocused looking.

“Frack,” Brian said, his voice weak.

“Frick,” Nick said again.

“Frack…”

“Frick…”

And it went on like this for awhile, until, just when you might be wondering whether this was going to turn into a slash story, Brian whispered, “I love you.” (Oh yeah, I guess that sounds pretty slashy too, doesn’t it?)

Nick was about to reply that he loved Brian too, but the words died on his tongue (aww, poor words). A block of ice formed in his stomach (brr! *shiver*) as he suddenly realized what was happening.

“Don’t you do that, Frick,” he said fiercely. “Don’t you say your goodbyes.”

From the tray on the other side of Brian’s bed, Taylor suddenly began to wail, and the mascara that was still left on her eyelashes began to flow down her freshly-cleaned cheeks.

“You’re going to get out of here,” Nick went on, looking Brian straight in the eyes (the pale, grayish, unfocused eyes that were once deep, bright, twinkling, sparkling, crystal clear, sapphire, cerulean blue, don’t forget). “You’re going to go on…”

“And… and make lots of babies!” Taylor sniffled. “And watch them grow! You’re going to die an old woman, warm in her bed! Not now, not this night!”

“Damn, girl, just how many times have you seen that movie?!” Nick asked, looking over at Taylor in astonishment.

“Hey, like, that’s not in the script!” Taylor cried indignantly.

“Whatever,” said Nick, turning back to Brian.

“Nicky,” said Brian, looking up at Nick. “I’m… I’m not going to… make it. Tell the guys… that I… love them.” His breathing was growing labored now, and the beeping of the heart was beginning to slow.

“Brian, no!” Nick cried. “No, don’t give up! Fight, Brian, fight!”

Brian just smiled dazedly. “Nick… I… love…” But he never got that last word (which I assume would have been “you,” but who knows – maybe Brian had a secret gay lover we never knew about) out, for at that moment, his pale, grayish eyes rolled back into his head, and his chest stopped rising. And then to be really dramatic, here’s how we’ll end this chapter:

B E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E P………………………

***

Chapter 11:

Ding, Dong (or in this case, BEEEEEP), Brian’s Dead


“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” cried Nick, as the heart monitor flat-lined, its loud wail permeating the room. Immediately, doctors and nurses rushed into the room. “Please save him!” Nick screamed, as they crowded around Brian’s bed, blocking his view. “He’s my f-f-friend!”

“Get them out of here!” shouted a doctor, and a couple of nurses escorted Nick and Taylor out of the room, Nick struggling to get back to Brian and Taylor whimpering randomly, “Jack? Jack! There’s a boat, Jack!”

“What’s going on?” Kevin asked, jumping up from his seat as Nick and Taylor were nudged into the waiting room.

“H-h-h-h-he’s d-d-d-d-dying!” Nick cried hysterically, tears spewing from his eyes.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” cried Kevin. “Not my cousin!” Pushing past the nurses, he raced down the hall to Brian’s room, the others following. They crowded in the doorway, watching in horror as the doctors repeatedly shocked Brian with the defibrillator (aka “those paddle thingies”).

Finally, Dr. Ahmal flipped a switch on the heart monitor and turned it off, sending the room into silence. As he stripped off his gloves, the doctor glanced at the clock and said gravely, “Time of death – 23:15.”

“Ohmygod, like, no!” Taylor screamed, bursting into the room, tears springing from her emerald green eyes (yes, despite the fact that this part is about Brian, we can’t forget to mention what color Taylor’s eyes are because you readers surely won’t be able to picture this scene in your mind without knowing that essential detail). “Like, no, you, like, can’t stop! Do something! You have to, like, save him!”

“I’m sorry,” Dr. Ahmal said quietly. “We did everything we could. His heart was just too weak, and it gave out of him.”

“C-c-can we t-t-touch him?” Nick stammered through his tears.

“Yes, of course,” replied the doctor, and slowly, the group made its way to Brian’s bed. Nick reached out and gently rested his hand atop Brian’s. His skin was still warm, and his face was peaceful. It looked like he was only sleeping… blah, blah, blah, you get the point.

“He was my cousin,” Kevin said with a loud sniff, tears pooling in his deep, clear, spinach green eyes (usually they would be emerald green, but that’s what Taylor’s eyes look like, so a different shade of green was necessary… don’t want to be, like, repetitive or anything, right?).

“We know, Kev,” Howie said softly. “We know.”

Yes, they knew that Kevin and Brian were cousins. But if only they knew what was to come…

***

The last thing Brian remembered was talking to Nick, telling him that he loved him. Then there had been a sharp pain in his chest, and his world had gone black. But the pain was gone now, and everything around him was… well… white.

Looking around, all he could see for miles and miles was what looked to be clouds. Soft, fluffy, and cotton-candy like, great tufts of them surrounded him, looking almost like hills of snow. He could not even see the sky beneath them. Looking in front of him, he realized he was traveling upward on what seemed to be an escalator made of solid, shining gold. It carried him slowly and smoothly into the sky, the mounds of clouds rising with him.

I must be dreaming, Brian thought in bewilderment. He had been given lots of morphine in the hospital; he was sure that was the cause of all this. He considered giving himself a pinch, but decided against it, for he rather enjoyed this dream. It was much better than the reality of lying in a hospital bed, poked and prodded, in pain, and fearing for his life. There was no pain, nor fear in the place he was now. He felt calm, relaxed… even happy.

The golden escalator carried him further up, and then suddenly, it leveled out, and he found himself on a large, golden platform nestled in the clouds. There was a small gold kiosk with a window in the front. He walked up to it and found a middle-aged woman dressed all in white standing inside it.

“Name?” she asked.

“Uh… Brian Littrell…”

The woman bent over something inside the kiosk, apparently searching for his name. Obviously finding it, she looked up with a smile and said, “Welcome to Heaven, Brian. Your hand please?”

“What?” Brian asked in disbelief. “Heaven?”

“That’s right, Heaven. Now, your hand?”

“Heaven? No… no, it can’t be! You mean I’m… dead?”

“Dead as a doornail. Looks like a heart attack,” the woman said, glancing back at the register in front of her. “Now, will you please give me your hand? I don’t want to get backed up.”

Glancing behind him, Brian saw that other people were beginning to emerge from the escalator and cross the platform. Reluctantly, he held out his trembling hand to the woman, who stamped something on it in shimmering, gold ink.

“There you go. Just follow the golden brick road, and you’ll get to Heaven’s gates. Move along now, I’ve got people to see.”

Brian slowly backed away from the kiosk and glanced at the back of his hand. There, staining his white skin, was a tiny, golden angel.

“Oh, shi-… poop,” he whispered, staring at it in shock. He was now sure that this was no opiate-induced dream… it was real.

He was dead.

If only he knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 12:

The Most Wonderful Place of All


Follow the golden brick road.

That was the advice the kiosk lady had given Brian, the way to get inside Heaven. Looking down at his feet, he saw that he was standing on… you guessed it… a road made of golden bricks, suspended just above the clouds. “Follow the golden brick road,” he murmured to himself.

“Follow the golden brick road!” said a throaty voice behind him. Jumping, Brian turned to see a midg… er… little person standing behind him. He was dressed in a long (well, short, really, but long on him) white gown, and a golden halo floated just above his head. A pair of tiny wings fluttered on his back.

“You’re an angel!” Brian gasped.

“That’s right,” said the little angel (is that what we call the, uh, “vertically challenged” angels?). “And you’ll be one too, once you get to Heaven! So follow the golden brick road!”

“Follow the golden brick road!” chimed in another little angel, appearing from nowhere. This one was a female, and her voice strikingly resembled Alvin the Chipmunk’s.

“Follow the golden brick road!” cried yet another.

“Hey,” said Brian, looking at the newest arrival. “Aren’t you Kid Rock’s little friend?”

“Yeah, Joe C,” replied the little angel. “Now follow the golden brick road!”

“Follow the golden brick road… follow the golden brick road,” they all began to sing, dancing around Brian as he walked slowly along the path. “Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the golden brick road!”

“Okay, I get the picture, guys,” commented Brian.

Still, they proceeded to frolic along with him for a good half mile or so down the road. Finally, they stopped and let him go on his merry way. Their singing faded into oblivion as he walked down the road, fighting the urge to skip.

A ways down the road, he came across a pretty young woman standing alongside the road. She was dressed in hospital gown, similar to the one he was wearing himself.

“Hello,” he said tentatively, approaching her.

“Hi,” she greeted him. “I’m Angela. What’s your name?”

“Brian. What are you doing here?”

“Just hanging out. How about you?”

“Following the golden brick road. I’m trying to get into Heaven,” Brian replied.

“Me too. Well, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing anyway,” said Angela.

“Well, why aren’t you?”

Angela shrugged. “I dunno… I guess I’m just not ready to go to Heaven yet.”

“Aww… well, I understand. I wasn’t ready either, but… well, I guess I don’t really have a choice.”

“I know,” Angela sighed. “I just wish I were still alive.” And before Brian could comment, she leaped out onto the road in front of him and began to sing and dance like some kind of epileptic spaz. “I could make some Beefaroni… or screw my boyfriend Tony, if I only had a pulse… and a blood pressure… and maybe a brainwave or two…”

Brian smiled faintly. “Uh… yeah… well, I need to get going now, so… bye!” He hurried ahead, hoping to get rid of her, but she chased after him.

“No, wait!” she cried. “I’m coming with you! I guess I’m ready to go to Heaven now!”

“Oh… uh… okay…”

“Come on, let’s sing!” cried Angela, grabbing Brian’s arm and beginning to skip off down the golden brick road. “Weeeeeeee’re off to go to Heaven, the most wonderful place of all…”

And so, off they went, skipping and singing like two fruitcakes trapped in a cheesy musical. Finally, Brian saw something rising above the clouds in the distance. A pair of golden arches.

“Look!” he cried, pointing at them. “That must be Heaven’s gates! We’re almost there! Let’s go!”

And so, off they skipped again, faster this time, singing in double time so that their voices sounded even more like Alvin and the Chipmunks’. “We’reofftogotoHeaven,themostwonderfulplaceofall…”

They reached Heaven’s doors before they even realized it. They were not, as Brian had thought, the golden arches he had seen, but a tall, golden, chain-link fence with barbed wire coiled around the top.

“You got your hands stamped?” asked a snaggle-toothed woman standing on the other side of the fence.

“Yeah.” Brian and Angela both showed her the angel stamps on their hands, and the gate of the fence swung open with a creak.

“Welcome to Heaven,” grunted the woman as they walked past her.

“Hm… that certainly wasn’t what I expected,” commented Brian as he and Angela stopped inside the gate and looked around. In the distance, he could still see the golden arches that he had thought were the gateway to Heaven. “I wonder what those arches are for.”

“What kind of American are you? Can’t you recognize a McDonald’s sign when you see it?” a female voice asked patronizingly. Brian turned to see another young woman, this one dressed in a white gown and bearing a halo and wings.

“A McDonald’s?” Brian repeated. “You have McDonald’s… in Heaven?”

“Well, of course!” replied the woman. “McDonald’s loves to see you smile, and Heaven is the happiest place in the world.”

“I thought that was Disney World.”

“No… that’s the second happiest.”

“Oh.”

“But anyway, you can’t go to Mickey D’s yet. First you two newbies have to get your uniforms.”

“Uniforms?” asked Angela.

“Yeah,” replied the girl, pulling at her white robe. “Now, come on, I’ll show you where we keep them. My name’s Angelica, by the way.”

“I’m Brian, and this is Angela,” introduced Brian, and they followed Angelica off to a large, golden building. A sign on the front of the building read Angelcrombie and Fitch, and in the large windows on either side of the door were large pictures of provocatively posed angels clad in white robes.

Angelica led them through the store, which was filled with racks of identical-looking white robes, and up to the counter. “Hey, Angelina,” she said to the cashier behind the counter. “I need a couple of robes for these two. They’re newbies.”

“Oh, sure, Angelica,” replied Angelina. She came around from behind the counter and went over to one of the racks. Flipping through the various robes, she selected two and held them out to Brian and Angela. “Try those on and tell me how they fit.”

“Uh… okay…” Brian went into one of the dressing rooms, where he removed his hospital gown and pulled on the white robe. It fit him perfectly, and he stepped out to show Angelina.

“Perfect,” she said. “Now you just need a halo.”

She sifted through a pile of halos in a box on the counter and pulled one out. Carefully, she held it over Brian’s head and then let it go. Miraculously, it stayed afloat just over his hair. “There ya go. All set,” she said.

“What about wings? Do I get wings?” Brian asked eagerly.

“Nope, sorry, you have to earn those.”

“Earn them? I thought an angel got their wings every time a bell rings.”

“Sorry, that’s just in It’s a Wonderful Life. Welcome to the real world, buddy.”

“Oh.”

Laughing at the expression on his face, Angelica said, “Come on, newbie, how about we hit Mickey D’s? I could go for a Big Mac right about now.”

“Uh… okay.”

And so they set off for the golden arches, without a care in the world, for after all, they were dead. What was there to care about anymore?

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 13:

A Chapter About Brian’s Funeral That I Hastily Slapped Together In Twenty Minutes So I Could Show Susan When I Came Online And Make Her Laugh Cause Laughter Is The Best Medicine And She Has A Cold So I’m Trying To Be A Good Friend And Make Her Feel Better


The day of Brian’s funeral dawned cool and rainy (cause, come on, it’s not like it’s ever sunny at a bopper fanfic funeral – that would be too happy). And pretty much all that happened at the funeral was that everyone walked up and stared at Brian’s corpse (which was waxy and didn’t look like him, etc.) in his baby blue silk-lined casket (cause he liked blue, you know, so of course his coffin would be blue on the inside). And then Nick made an inspirational speech about his bestest friend ever, Frick, and then the guys sang “One Sweet Day,” and PANTS sang it with them. Oh, and since we’re on the topic of PANTS, I guess I should mention what they all wore to the funeral.

Safyre looked stunning in a skin-tight pair of black leather pants, a black halter with fringe on the bottom, and black platforms. Her hair (which was also black… hey, wait a minute – why the hell does she have hair anywhere? Didn’t she have cancer? Oh well… bopper stories don’t have to be logical or realistic, I guess… so yeah, her hair was black, and she had lots of it because obviously, she was so unbelievably perfect that chemotherapy had no effect on her) was hanging loose, framing her beautiful face. Her too-heavily-applied eye makeup ran as she cried, leaving trails of black gunk under her radiant sapphire blue eyes and tarnishing her beautiful white complexion.

Nikki was also wearing a pair of skin-tight black pants, only hers were stretchy and not leather, and her top was a tube top, not a halter. She, too, wore black platforms, and her blonde hair was piled on her head with happy little tendrils framing her beautiful face. Her too-heavily-applied eye makeup also ran as she cried, leaving trails of black gunk under her radiant sky blue eyes and tarnishing her beautiful tan complexion.

Ali was also wearing a pair of black pants, only hers were not skin tight, rather loose and flowing and silky. Her top was a black lace-covered tank top and was so low cut that it left little to the imagination, so little in fact that Howie didn’t cry during the service because he was too busy staring at her… oh, no wait, correction – he did cry because he’s Sweet D, and he’s a Backstreet Boy, and he loved Brian with all his heart and was very sad that he died. So yeah, forget that bit about watching Ali and not crying and everything…

Well, anyway, on to Praline. Being AJ’s girlfriend, she was naturally a rebel and a bad girl and all that (despite the fact that she was part of a girl pop band), so she opted not to wear black and wore a skin-tight leather catsuit that was similar to Britney’s outfit in the “Oops..” video *shudder*, only hers was not red, but hot pink leopard-print. She even had a cool hot pink leopard-print cowboy hat, and she had six inch stiletto cowboy boots to go with it. Naturally, Brian’s traditional, Christian parents were completely shocked and had the minister escort her out of the church before the funeral started, and so she sat outside the church by her lonesome and sulked, but hey, she still looked hot.

Well, anyway, the funeral got over, and they all headed to the cemetery, where they watched Brian’s casket being lowered into the cold, muddy ground, and they all said their final goodbyes and walked away, and one of them might have seen a vision of Brian waving off in the distance or his head smiling down at them from the heavens (kinda like on Lion King), but in any event, they finally left anyway, but not before stopping to read Brian’s tombstone, a classic moment in all bopper tearjerkers where someone dies. So here’s what it said:

Brian Thomas “B-Rok” Littrell

Beloved son, lover, friend, and Backstreet Boy

February 20, 1975 - … well, whatever the hell day he died, I dunno


It might have also contained some inspirational quote or Bible verse or something, but I don’t feel like coming up with one at the moment, so that will have to do.

So, yeah, anyway, as they rode somberly in a black limo (except Praline, who, rather pissed off at being banned from the funeral, had raided the booze from the little refrigerator in the back and was a little tipsy), they figured the worst was over.

But they were wrong.

When the limo pulled up in front of the Backstreet Boys’ mansion following the funeral, the boys were shocked to see a caravan of news vans parked along the street and a flock of reporters on the lawn. They came stampeding to the limo as soon as they spotted it. Inside, Kevin groaned. The paparazzi was worse than teenyboppers sometimes.

“Kevin, Kevin!” they shouted, pushing and shoving each other in their scramble to reach Kevin as he cautiously emerged from the limousine. “How do you feel about Brian’s death?”

“No comment,” Kevin muttered, grabbing Safyre’s hand and helping her out of the limo. The other boys and their girlfriends followed.

“Nick!” cried one man, reaching out and snatching his arm. “Lionel Rodriquez, Teen Beat magazine. Can I get some insight on your feelings about your best friend’s death?”

“NO!” cried Nick, jerking out of the reporter’s grasp. “Screw you!” Following the others, he raced up the house and away from the evil paparazzi’s greedy clutches.

Frightened and upset, AJ, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Praline, Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre huddled together inside the Backstreet mansion, peeking out the curtains at the drove of reporters congregated in the yard.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 14:

You Da Man!


One year later

A year had passed since his death, and up in Heaven, Brian was rather enjoying himself. He and Angelica had been dating for eleven months now, and he had almost forgotten about Taylor, who was still back on Earth, pining for him.

One day, Brian and Angelica and a few of their friends were having a backyard barbeque at Brian’s house, when God came a’calling. “Brian,” boomed God in his deep bass voice, and Brian immediately climbed out of his giant golden swimming pool.

Wiping the flecks of sparking water from his face with a fluffy white towel and adjusting his halo, he said, “Hey, God, ‘sup?”

“Nothin’ much, just chillin’,” replied God. “I wanted to talk to you about something, my son.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“Come with me; we must speak privately.” God and Brian walked across the golden patio to a more secluded part of the backyard. There, God said, “Brian, you have served me well, both here in Heaven and during your life on Earth. I have noticed that many people adored you while you were alive and still love you to this day, even though it has been a year since your passing. I am beginning to think I was mistaken in bringing you Home to me so early in your life.”

“Mistaken? But, God, you never make mistakes!”

“Oh yes, my son, even God makes mistakes. Why, look at your rival group, ‘N Sync. Anyway, what I was getting to was this – I would like to reward you for your many years of being a good Christian.”

“Reward?”

“Yes… I would like to give you a choice, Brian. You may remain here in Heaven with Me and the other angels… or you may return to your life on Earth.”

Brian gasped. “What?! You mean… I can have my life back?! I can live again?!”

“If that is your will.”

Brian was about to answer, “Hells yeah!” but something stopped him – the tinkling laughter of Angelica, as she and the other beautiful angels splashed and played in the pool, tantalizing in their skimpy white bikinis, which clung to their glistening, wet bodies. Quickly pushing these not-so-angelic thoughts from his mind, he answered truthfully, “I don’t know what to do, God. I miss my family and my friends on Earth. But I have friends here too. How can I choose?”

“I’m afraid I cannot advise you, my son. This is your decision and yours alone. I will tell you this though – should you choose to go back to Earth, as long as you continued to live a good, Christian life, you will die again when the time is right and return here to Heaven, and then you will be reunited with your acquaintances here.”

“Oh yeah… good point. Well, screw that then, my decision’s made. I’m going back to Earth!”

“Alrightie then. I will give you the rest of the day to say your goodbyes. At midnight tonight, you will return to Earth as a mortal being once again.”

“Whoo hoo! Thanks, God, you da man!” Brian bid God farewell and scurried back over to the others.

“What did God want, Brian?” Angelica asked curiously.

“Um… well… actually… it’s funny, really…”

“Don’t beat around the bush, Brian,” Angelica scolded. “What did he say?”

“Well… he kinda sorta offered to… givememylifeback.”

“To what?!”

“Give me my life back.”

“Wh-what does that mean?”

“Uh, what I said… it means I get my life back.”

“You mean… you won’t be dead anymore?”

“Yeah…”

“So you won’t be an angel anymore?”

“Yeah…”

“So you won’t be living here in Heaven anymore?”

“Yeah…”

“So you’ll be leaving me?”

“Uh, pretty much, yeah.” Seeing the anguished look cross her face, he quickly added, “But, Angelica, baby, you’ll always be in my heart.”

“That’s the biggest bunch of bullshit I’ve ever heard!” Angelica screamed, her halo falling askew. “I hate you, Brian Littrell!”

“Ang-“ Brian started, but all of a sudden the cloudy ground beneath Angelica’s feet parted, and a great tsunami of flames shot out of it like a geyser, enveloping her. He heard her scream and saw her fall through the ground inside the flames. There was a deep, satanic laugh and a chorus of agonizing shrieks, and then, suddenly, Angelica was gone, and the ground had closed once again, leaving a bare spot where she had once stood. Brian stared. “What the-“

“Oh no, not another one!”

Brian turned to see that one of Angelica’s girl friends, Angelique, had come up. “What just happened?” he asked her with wide eyes.

“Angelica got sucked into Hell, it looks like. God’s really been cracking down on us lately. I saw a guy get sent to Hell the other day just for trying to tune into ‘American Idol’.”

“’American Idol’? Well, what’s so bad-“

“He broke one of the Ten Commandments. You know, ‘You shall not make for yourself an idol.’*”

Brian’s eyes widened. “Oh…” he said, making a mental note to avoid watching “American Idol” when he returned to Earth. “Well, that sucks.”

If only he knew what was to come…

***

*taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Holy Bible

Chapter 15:

Miracles Can Happen (Especially In Teenybopper Stories!)


Hours later, Brian stood surrounded by the many friends he had made in Heaven – Angelique, Angela, Angel, Angelina, Angelee, Angelia, Angelo, and Angelou – who all bid him tearful goodbyes.

As the clock struck midnight, he heard God’s voice whisper stoically in his ear, “It is time.”

Brian closed his eyes, and as the clock chimed its twelve chimes, a strange, light-headed sensation came over him. And then, he was fading away…

If only he knew what was to come…

***

Back on Earth, the Backstreet Boys and PANTS were in the middle of a backyard barbecue/pool party at the Backstreet mansion. (Yes, I know it’s midnight in Heaven, but it’s only noon in Florida – different time zones, ya know?)

As the nine of them sat around the patio, pigging out, Nick suddenly looked up at the sky and said through a mouthful of potato salad, which oozed out between his lips and dribbled down his chin as he did so, “I wish Frick were here.”

“Yeah,” AJ remarked sadly. “Rok always used to love our daily barbecues and pool parties. Not to mention our weekly trips to Disney World.”

“Yeah,” Howie sniffed. “H-he always liked the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride the best. He never was much of a roller coaster fan.”

“Like, the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride?” Nikki asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “Dude, that’s, like, really gay!”

“Yo, you, like, best, like, back up, bitch!” Taylor screamed, leaping up from her chair. “Don’t you be, like, dissing my Brian, like, ho!”

“You wanna, like, take this, like, outside?” Nikki screamed back, leaping up from her own chair.

“We, like, are outside,” retorted Taylor.

“Like, oh,” said Nikki, looking around. And by then, she was so discombobulated that she forgot all about fighting Taylor, and Taylor forgot all about why she was mad at Nikki, so they just hugged each other and sat down.

“Can you, like, pass the cheese please?” Praline asked.

“F-Frick always like cheese,” Nick whispered, teary-eyed, as he handed the jar of Cheez Whiz to Praline.

“H-he was my c-cousin,” Kevin stammered.

“We know, Kevin,” replied AJ. “We know.”

They ate in silence, thinking about Brian… and what a mean batch of coleslaw Howie could whip up. The quietness was interrupted only by an extremely loud splash and the giant tidal wave of chlorinated water that sprayed them, as if someone had just performed the world’s biggest cannonball. But there was no one there to do a cannonball – AJ, Howie, Kevin, Nick, Praline, Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre were all sitting around the table, eating, and the rottweilers that the Backstreet Boys had gotten shortly after Brian’s death made sure that no one else could come on the property.

“What the fuck was that?” AJ cried, leaping up angrily from his seat.

“Like, ohmygod, my hair!” screeched Ali, shaking water from her long, brunette mane.

“Like, ohmygod!” gasped Taylor, jumping up from her seat. “It’s, like… it’s, like…”

“BRIAN!” they all cried in unison, as the familiar form of their old friend surfaced in the pool and swam toward them.

“It’s a… g-g-g-ghost!” exclaimed Nick suddenly, and one of the rottweilers leapt into his arms, adding, “R-r-r-rhost!” And then the two of them ran away from the edge of the pool, stopping only to scarf about thirty hamburgers in one bite.

“It’s not a ghost,” said Howie reasonably, and he walked up to Brian, grabbed his cheeks with both hands, and tugged. The others gasped as Brian’s face came off in Howie’s hands. And then they realized… it was a mask!

“It was, like, you!” cried Taylor, aghast, as she peered into the face of the man she thought was her deceased boyfriend. But it wasn’t, it was Lionel Rodriquez, reporter from Teen Beat Magazine, who had been harassing them ever since Brian’s death.

“You meddling popstars!” cried Lionel, shaking his finger threateningly at the group. “Give me an interview… or else!”

“No way!” cried Kevin. “Get out of here, or we’ll call the cops on your ass! First you trespass on our property, and then you try to trick us into believing you were Brian!”

“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t have been for you meddling popstars!” retorted Lionel. “You’ll pay for this!”

“Yeah, yeah, we get the point,” muttered AJ. “Sic ‘im, Scooby!”

Nick’s rottweiler began to growl and then broke into a run, chasing after a screaming Lionel, whose angry cries of “You’ll pay for this!” faded away as he ran off.

“What a weirdo!” exclaimed Nick, biting into another hamburger.

Then, all of a sudden, there was another giant splash, and they were soaked once again by a tidal wave of chlorinated water.

“Not again!” screeched Ali, ringing out her sopping hair.

“Oh yeah, nice try,” AJ remarked sarcastically, as he looked into the pool to see “Brian” swimming toward them once again. “Did you think we would fall for it again thirty seconds later? Come on, we’re not that stupid!” He looked over to see Nikki tugging the sliding screen door the wrong way, trying to get it open, and added, “Okay, well, some of us aren’t that stupid.”

“What are you talking about, AJ?” asked “Brian,” and it sounded like the real Brian’s voice.

“Hm… you’re good. How are you making your voice sound identical to Brian’s?” AJ asked suspiciously.

“Because I am Brian, you bonehead!” exclaimed Brian. (Haha, bonehead – pun intended)

“Wait a minute… if you’re Brian… then what’s your favorite food?” AJ quizzed skeptically.

“Macaroni and cheese!” Brian replied quickly. “And cheese pizza as a close second.”

“Oh my God!” cried AJ. “That’s right! No one but the real Brian could have known that! Well, except for the millions of teenyboppers that read Bop. You must be the real Brian!”

“Told you I was!”

“Frick!” cried Nick, dropping his hamburger and running over to the pool. He leaped into it and threw his arms around Brian, and they shared a nice underwater hug (picture the scene from “Romeo and Juliet”, only with two guys who are just friends, not lovers because, come on, boppers don’t write slash).

“Like, ohmygod, Brian!” cried Taylor, jumping into the pool as well and joining in on the underwater hug. Everyone else dropped their food and dived in after them, even Nikki, who had given up on that blasted screen door. Soon they were immersed in an underwater group hug.

When they finally surfaced, they noticed that Brian was floating face-down in the water, and when they flipped him over, they saw that his skin was an odd shade of grayish-purplish-blue. Realizing their underwater hug might have lasted just a wee bit too long, they dragged Brian out of the water, and Kevin quickly resuscitated him with CPR.

“Thanks, cuz!” gasped Brian, spitting out a mouthful of pool water, which, ironically, hit Ali right in the face.

“Like, nooo!” she cried, clutching her hair.

“Brian!” cried Howie. “W-we thought you were… dead!”

“I was!” Brian replied. “And I went to Heaven, and I met all these hot angels. But then God said I could have my life back, so… here I am!”

“It’s a miracle!” exclaimed Kevin.

“Welcome back, dude!” cried AJ.

“Hey, Frick, wanna go inside and play some Mario Kart?” offered Nick.

“Sure!” replied Brian. “I’m so gonna whoop your ass!”

“Oh, no you’re not!” Nick retorted, and the two best friends skipped on into the house, their light banter fading away as they disappeared.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 16:

Random Song Lyrics and Absolutely No Content Whatsoever


Oh oh oh oh oh
Yeah

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all the pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
Oh yeah
And they're gone so fast, yeah
Oh
So hold on the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
And when you get old and start losing your hair
Tell me who will still care
Can you tell me who will still care?
Oh care

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du
Yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du
Yeah

Oh yeah
In an Mmmbop they're gone
Yeah yeah

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows
Oh, no one knows

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du, yeah

Oh
Yeah oh

In an mmm bop they're gone
Oh yeah oh
In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmm bop they're not there
In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmm bop they're not there
In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmmbop they're not there
In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmmbop they're not there
Until you lose your hair
Oh
But you don't care

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du, yeah

Yeah
Oh yeah oh oh
So hold on the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
And hen you get old and start losing your hair
Tell me who will still care
Can you tell me who will still care?
Oh care

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du, care

Can you tell me? oh
No you can't 'cause you don't know
Can you tell me? oh
You say you can but you don't know
Can you tell me? oh
(Which flower's going to grow?)
No you can't 'cause you don't know
Can you tell me? oh
(If it's going to be a daisy or a rose?)
You say you can but you don't know
Can you tell me? oh
(which flower's going to grow?)
No you can't 'cause you don't know
Can you tell me? oh
You say you can but you don't know
Oh yeah
You say you can but you don't know
You dont know
You dont know, oh

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du bop, Ba du dop
Ba du, care

Oh
Can u tell me? oh
No you can't 'cause you don't know
Can u tell me? oh
You say you can but you don't know
Can u tell me? oh
No you can't 'cause you don't know
Can u tell me?
You say you can but you don't know


- Hanson “MMMBop”

***

Chapter 17:

Through The Eyes of a Bopper


AN: Thanks to guest author LoraLei Destynnee Emmyraldde Carter for lending her writing talents to this chapter. Please email her with feedback at FrAcKsLiLbAyBeEaNgElGuRl4EvEr@teenybopper.net



*~*~*~*~* 1 week later *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* kevins pov *~*~*~*~*

safyre has a dr appointment so i took her to the hospitle. the dr run sum tests and then came in to safyres room. "safyre ur cancer is back" dr smith said and i imediatly started crying. oh no not my safyre i think. "im so sorry" said the dr. "will i *sniff* have to have chemo again *sniff sniff*" asks safyre. "yes" said the dr. "oh no" said safyre. "its ok baybee" i says. "were goin 2 get threw this"


*~*~*~*~* next day *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* safyres pov *~*~*~*~*

i cheked into the hospitle the day b4 and started the chemo again. it makes me relly sick & I through up alot. kevin stay wit me threw the whole thing i luv him so so much he is so hott & kewl. he brung me some flowers this mourning. "here u go baybee" he say handing me the flowers they r pretty. "thank u" i replyed butt then i through up on him. "im sorry" i apologyze but he just said "its ok baybee i luv u" "i luv u 2"


*~*~*~*~* 1 month later *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* kevins pov *~*~*~*~*

safyres getting worse & the dr say she needed a bone marrow transplant. the guys and the gurls and me go to get tested at the hospitle to see if were a match. dr broughted us into a room and says "it looks like 1 of u be a match. it is u praline"


*~*~*~*~* 2 seconds later *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* pralines pov *~*~*~*~*

"me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" i cryed total shoked "b-b-b-b-b-but..." "its ok take ur time 2 think bout it" says dr. "whats their 2 think bout?" aksed kevin angry. "praline u gota help my gf" "i dunno i scarred kev" i say "wut if somethin gose wrong? i dont wanna dye" "i no but if u dont help safyre she gonna dye so pleez help her praline" i think for a few sec & then said "ok ill help her" "great" says the dr. "lets go do it now" "ok" i said but im relly nervus


*~*~*~*~* five minutes later *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* safyres pov *~*~*~*~*

"omg thank u so much gurl" i says to praline. i just found out that she gonna give me bone marrow transplant. im so happy!!!!!!!!!!! my live isnt over after all!!!!!!!!!!!!! "np gurl" praline replyed "ur my best freind" "ur my best freind 2 gurl" i say.


*~*~*~*~* half hour later *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* ajs pov *~*~*~*~*

it almost time for sugery. i kisses praline pashunatly "i luv u so much" i said "b strong 4 me" "i will" she says crying a little. "r u scared?" i asked. "a lil bit" she replyes. "dont b 2 scared it goin 2 be ok" i say "i no" she said. "i luv u aj." "i luv u 2 praline"


*~*~*~*~* 2 hours later *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* ajs pov *~*~*~*~*

the dr comes into the wating room where we all sat. he said "im afraid there r some complications. safyre doing good but praline iz in a coma." "oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" every 1 cryes. "b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but i think evrything gonna b ok!" i cryed. 'u say she was goin 2 b ok!" "i no i sorry" "u sorry? that all u can say?" "yes sorry" says dr. "well can we go c her?" ask kevin. "ya sure i take u 2 c her. cmon." we all go 2 c praline.


*~*~*~*~* 2 min later *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* the hospitle *~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~* ajs pov *~*~*~*~*

i imedately started crying when i c praline she look like death warmed over. she was pale & her skin is bluish purple & she got wires and tubes all around her & the machines beeped & i am scarred. i grab her hand "praline" i said "i luv u with all my hart pleez wake up soon baybee" but she dont wake up. i cant stand it nemore so i ran out of the room. "aj where u goin?" cryes kevin but i just ignore him and kept runing.

If only they knew what was to come...

***

Chapter 18:

Do You Want Fries With That?


Author’s Note #1: For those of you that basically ignored the last chapter (I know, I know, it was next to impossible to read and understand – stupid teenybopper guest author), here’s a quick summary of what happened in it (yes, between all the change in POV’s and grammar errors, something actually did happen). Safyre goes to the doctor and finds out that her cancer has relapsed. She needs a bone marrow transplant, so all the members of Bsb and PANTS are tested to see if they are matches (oh, and may I remind you that no, this is not realistic or medically accurate because I’m making fun of bopper fics, which are rarely realistic or medically accurate). So yeah, it turns out that Praline is the only match. Praline is afraid at first, but finally decides to save her friend by going through the procedure. Unfortunately, there are complications, and she ends up in a coma. AJ goes to visit her but is shocked and horrified by her deathly appearance. Unable to stand being in the hospital room with her, he runs out…

Author’s Note #2: This chapter is rated NC-17 for adult content. This chapter is mocking a certain genre of fanfic, but in order to do so, it has to be graphic. So younger readers, read with caution. If you’re not comfortable with this sort of thing, just don’t read this chapter – trust me, you’re not missing out on anything. In fact, you’re probably better off not reading it…

Author’s Note #3: If you are going to read the chapter, you might not want to be eating at the time… especially anything from McDonald’s… this tidbit of advice from my awesome friend Susan, who read and critiqued this chapter before I decided whether or not to post it. (It almost could have become “Not Another Teenybopper Fanfic: The Lost Chapter,” but Susan told me I had to put it up. Thanks, Susan!)


AJ got into his car and drove blindly. Well, okay, he wasn’t really blind cause, you know, then he would have gotten into a really bad car accident, and with all the other drama in this story already, that’s really the last thing we need. Unless… No, never mind.

So yeah, he was driving along all distraught-like, when he spotted a pair of familiar-looking golden arches in the distant. And no, they weren’t Heaven’s gates, but…

You guessed it…

MCDONALD’S!

AJ immediately pointed his car in that direction, driving frenziedly toward the fast-food restaurant that served as his haven, his sanctuary. As a side note, it had also served over 99 billion people, according to the towering golden arches, but that was another matter.

AJ whipped his car haphazardly into a parking space, almost mowing down an old lady in the process, and climbed out, dashing across the Drive Thru lane to get to the door. He gripped the metal handle, yanking with all his might to get through the one thing that stood between him and the saturated fat binge that he hoped would temporarily take his mind off his worries and guilt. Then he realized the door said “Push” not “Pull” and, his face growing red, he calmly nudged it open and walked through.

The heavenly aroma of grease permeated the air, and AJ inhaled deeply, the scent immediately calming his nerves. He meandered up to the counter, his gaze fixed on the large menu overhead.

“Welcome to McDonald’s; can I take your order?” a voice asked robotically from behind the counter.

AJ glanced down… and gasped. There, standing behind the cash register, was the most divine creature he had ever set eyes upon. She was of model height, probably 5’10” or 5’11” – taller than him at any rate. Her expansive body was packed into a skin-tight McDonald’s polo shirt that accented her many curves and the striking lines of her voluptuous bosom. Her hair, acid blonde with graying roots, hung long, straight, and shiny beneath her faded McDonald’s visor. Large, thick-framed glasses magnified her muddy brown eyes, making them look even larger than they might have without. She smiled, stretching back purple-lipsticked lips and revealing a set of buttercup yellow, randomly-placed teeth.

“H-hi…” AJ squeaked breathlessly, his eyes never leaving hers. “M-my name’s AJ…” Swallowing back his nervousness, he added in his sexiest rasp, “And what’s yours, baby?”

The cashier smiled again and pointed at her nametag. “Wanda,” she answered huskily.

“Wanda,” he repeated in a whisper, the name as sweet as honey on his tongue.

“So, AJ,” said Wanda, raising a dark, overgrown eyebrow. “May I… take your order?” She repeated her first question again, but this time her voice was seductive and sensual. He had never heard that familiar phrase sound so good.

“You may,” he answered with a wink. “I’d like a nine-piece Chicken McNuggets… please.”

“Nine-piece McNuggets,” Wanda repeated. “And… do you want fries with that?”

“Ohh yeah, baby,” AJ said hungrily… but a hot, greasy French fry was not exactly what he was just itching to sink his teeth into.

“I love French fries,” said Wanda. “They’re so long… and so tasty… nice and hard on the outside… but it’s what’s inside that counts.”

“Ohh, baby,” moaned AJ, feeling his own “French fry” growing nice and hard within his pants.

“And do you want sauce for your McNuggets?”

“Barbeque, baby… I like things spicy, you know what I’m sayin’?”

“Ohh, me too,” Wanda sighed. “But, you know… I prefer hamburgers to chicken… they’re so thick… so juicy…”

“Tell me more, Wanda,” AJ gasped, his “French fry” crisp and erect.

“No,” she breathed. “Call me… Big ‘N’ Tasty.”

“Big ‘N’ Tasty,” he repeated, his “French Fry” ready to erupt from his pants. “Well you know, Big ‘N’ Tasty, I’m with you – I’d much rather eat a hamburger than chicken. I’m the… Hamburglar, baby… and I’m gonna eat you all up.”

“Ohh, AJ!” she gasped in pleasure, reaching over the counter and grabbing his arms. She pulled him to her with amazing strength, sending him flying off his feet and sliding across the counter toward her. He leaped off the other end, grabbing her as soon as his feet hit the floor, and frantically peppering her flaccid face with passionate kisses, the short whiskers on her upper lip tickling his as he pressed his lips to hers.

“Wanda,” he moaned, sinking to the ground, dragging her down with him. “I want you.”

“Have it your way,” she panted in between wet kisses, her body slipping and sliding on the grease-slicked, tiled floor.

“Isn’t that Burger King’s slogan?” AJ asked breathlessly, his fingers digging into her fleshy back as he kissed her roughly. “Yours is… ‘we love to see you smile.’”

“Do I make you smile?” Wanda asked, her hot, onion-scented breath invading his nostrils.

“You do more than that, baby!” cried AJ and tugged at her shirt with barbaric passion, bringing it up and over her head, knocking her McDonald’s visor off in the process. She helped him, struggling to jiggle herself out of her tight khakis. When she had finished disrobing, he started at her rapturously for a moment, taking in the sight of her, dressed in nothing but a white-turned-gray bra and hot pink, high-waisted Fruit of the Loom panties, the milky white skin of her stomach hanging in soft, supple rolls.

Bending over, he inserted his tongue in between two of them, flicking it back and forth like dental floss wedged tightly between two teeth, lapping the sweat that glistened within the dank crevasse of her succulent skin. Pulling back, he started on a rapid climb upward, dragging his tongue longingly up her rolling belly, stopping only when he was met by the invasive fabric of her bra. His fingers crawled blindly across her back, finding the clasps. He played with them, trying to pull them apart, but her words stopped him.

“I don’t think so, Bad Boy,” she said breathily. “You’re still dressed. I don’t think that’s too fair.”

“No,” agreed AJ, immediately yanking his t-shirt off and tossing it carelessly aside. “Neither do I.” While her hands explored his muscular chest, his pulled at his pants, unfastening so that he could kick them away.

“Now the boxers,” Wanda urged, and he hurriedly obeyed, pulling them off to expose his full erection. “Ohh, AJ, you’re a big boy!” she exclaimed in sheer delight, her eyes widening at the sight of his “French fry.” “No, not just big – you’re supersized! I think I’ll call you Big Mac… Big MacLean.”

“Whatever you say, Big ‘N’ Tasty,” AJ exhaled, finally unclasping her bra and pulled it swiftly off. Her long, wilting breasts fell free from their captor, nearly slapping him in the face in the process. “Ohh, Wanda,” he moaned, immediately putting his lips to one, his tongue traveling down its length, stopping at the nipple, which hardened as soon as his tongue had grazed over it. He put his mouth around it, biting down softly and causing Wanda to moan with pleasure. While he continued to fondle her “McShakers,” her hands caressed his “French Fry.”

“Ohh, baby!” he cried out, his tongue rapidly descending back down her vast body. If she were a Happy Meal… then by God, he had just found the prize. He stuck his tongue inside her, playfully exploring her like a kid in the Playplace, tasting the “special sauce” that ran down her cottage-cheese thighs.

Then it was her turn.

She put her mouth around his “French Fry,” sucking mercilessly, ravenous for the grease that she knew would be coming anytime now. He moaned, and she pulled back, planting a row of kisses up his body until her lips found his.

His arms encircling her corpulent frame as best he could, he took the opportunity to plunge his “French Fry” into her “little white cup of ketchup” and began to pump away. They reached orgasm at the same time, Wanda bellowing like a mad cow, AJ screaming hoarsely. He pulled the “French Fry” out and collapsed onto the grimy floor, panting. He glanced over at Wanda, who was bathed in a thick sheen of sweat. Her chest rose and fell heavily, her “McShakers” jiggling as she gasped for air.

“I know Mickey D’s is fast food,” AJ said breathlessly. “But, baby, that was a five star meal right there. How about… dessert?”

“Oh,” she gasped, “not right now… give me a chance to catch my breath, Big Mac! If you ate a Super-sized Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese meal twice a day, every day, you’d be out of breath, too. I should probably go get one of those angiolplasty things again soon…”

“It’s okay, babe, I love you, blocked arteries and all,” sighed AJ. “Maybe we’ll save dessert for later, huh?”

“Definitely,” growled Wanda, her voice low and sultry. As they slowly got dressed, she gave him directions to her trailer park.

“I’ll be there, babe,” he promised.

“All right, Big Mac,” she replied. “Then we can… McFlurry… some more.”

Smiling devilishly, he planted a suave kiss on her lips and started to walk out of the dilapidated restaurant.

“AJ, wait!” she called out, just when he had reached the door.

He turned around, his eyes sparkling wickedly. “What? Did you change your mind?” he asked, hoping they could “McFlurry” again now after all.

“No,” she laughed and held out a grease-stained paper bag. “You forgot your McNuggets!”

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 19:

Drums


“This must be… pop!” Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre sang in unison.

“Ew, Nikki, you’re, like, spitting all over her!” Taylor cried as Nikki began to beatbox in an attempt to sound like Justin “J-Dawg” Timberlake, flecks of saliva flying from her mouth onto Praline’s unconscious form.

“Like, whoops,” said Nikki. “Like, sorry, Praline.” She waited to see if her friend would respond with a “Like, no problem!” but of course she didn’t because she was still in a coma.

“Like, darn,” sighed Ali. “She’s, like, still in, like, a coma, and we’ve, like, sung every, like, ‘N Sync song we, like, know! You’d, like, think that, like, she would have, like, been brought back from, like, the brink of, like, death by now!”

“Like, I know!” cried Taylor indignantly. “This, like, totally worked for, like, Bsb when, like, Nick was in, like, his coma!”

“Well, like, what are we going to, like, do now?” asked Nikki. “Like Ali said, we’re, like, out of, like, songs to sing!”

“We can, like, still sing, like, Justin Timberlake’s, like, solo songs though!” piped up Ali. “Those, like, count, like, don’t they? I mean, he’s, like, still, like, part of ‘N Sync.”

“Like, yeah!” squealed Nikki. “I’ll, like, sing them, cause I’m, like, the blonde one!”

“Like, okay!” Taylor, Ali, and Safyre agreed. They all sat down in the chairs pushed back against the wall of Praline’s hospital room to watch Nikki. Safyre was especially glad to be able to sit down; all that ‘N Sync choreography was pretty tiring to someone who was dying of leukemia and recovering from a bone marrow transplant all at the same time. I mean, seriously, you try doing the gay-cowboy-eating-pudding dance for “Bye, Bye, Bye” when you’re hooked up to an IV and sporting an oxygen mask. Trust me, it ain’t easy.

Out of nowhere in particular, the music for “Like I Love You” (Justin’s first single – you know, the one where he’s trying to be Michael Jackson in front of a 7-11 with a bunch of hoochies?) began to play, and putting on her sultry, whiny-ass J. Timberlake voice, Nikki began to mumble something about getting scared now and then whispered, “… it’s just Nikki.”

She began to dance then, twirling and moon-walking her way across the shiny, tiled hospital floor, grinding against Praline’s hospital bed, and singing in a nasally whine that sounded uncannily like Justin’s.

“Like, ya know,” she muttered, “I used to, like, dream about this when, like, I was, like, a little boy… oops, I mean, like, girl… I, like, never thought it would, like, end up this way…”

She quickly cleared her throat and then added the line that made the whole song.

“Drums.”

Following her bold command, the drums began to play out of nowhere, and she began to dance once more. And as she did, the eyes of the three other girls turned to Praline’s heart monitor, which had started beeping out the same repetitive notes of the song… you know, the, “Dum… dum… dum dum…. Dum… dum… dum dum… (drums).” (Don’t worry if you have no clue what I’m talking about.)

“Ohmygod, like, look,” whispered Ali, pointing at the heart monitor.

“Is, she, like, waking up?” Taylor gasped, eyes fixed on Praline’s peaceful face.

The strains of “Like I Love You” began to fade, and Nikki quit her dancing and sank to the floor, breathless. “Did it, like, work?” she panted, noticing the other PANTS girls staring at Praline.

“I, like, don’t know… like, may-“ Safyre was about to say “maybe” when, all of a sudden, Praline’s eyes fluttered open. “Like, ohmygod! Praline?!”

“Here baby,” Praline mumbled deliriously. “Hold my jacket.”

The four other girls exchanged worried glances. “Ohmygod,” whispered Taylor. “She’s, like, brain damaged!”

“NOOOOOO!” they all cried in horror.

“Quick, Nikki, like, sing another, like, song! Maybe it will, like, make her, like, normal again!” urged Ali.

“Like, okay,” said Nikki and broke into “Cry Me a River.” “Cry me, cry me,” she wailed. “Cry me, cry me…”

A random kid with Down’s Syndrome that was walking down the hall at that very moment stuck his head in and contributed the retarded noises at the end of the song, and then Nikki glanced at the other girls. “Do you think it, like, worked?” she wondered aloud.

“Like, I, like, dunno… Praline?” Ali asked her best friend hopefully.

“Like, yeah?” Praline replied.

The girls exchanged glances. “Praline… do you, like, know where you, like, are?” Ali went on carefully.

“Well… for a minute, I, like, thought I was, like, at the 7-11, but, like, now, it looks like I’m in, like… a hospital?”

“Ohmygod, she’s, like, back!” they all squealed happily, jumping up and down and screaming shrilly until Nikki accidentally ripped out Safyre’s IV, and she collapsed in a pile of her own blood. Stepping over her, Nikki, Taylor, and Ali ran up and threw their arms around Praline, shrieking, “Like, group hug!” as they squeezed her tightly.

“Ohmygod, Praline, I’m, like, so glad you’re, like, not dead!” exclaimed Ali. “Now we can, like, hit the road again as soon as, like, you and Safyre, like, get better!”

Praline smiled tearfully, touched by her best friend’s words. Swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat, she opened her mouth and uttered the only response that was fitting.

“Drums.”

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 20:

I Love You, Jack


“Damn, you look like poop, AJ,” Brian commented as AJ returned to the hospital waiting room. “Why are you so sweaty? And… greasy? And why do you smell like pickles?”

“Thanks, Rok,” AJ commented dryly, then shot Brian a furtive smile. “And for your information, I just screwed a chick on the floor of the local McDonald’s.”

Brian blinked. “You did what?”

“Yeah, man, she was fine. Dayum!”

“But AJ… what about Praline?”

AJ swallowed the guilty feelings he felt welling up inside him and snorted. “Praline Shmaline. Praline’s dead, Brian.”

“She’s not-“

“Yes, she is! She may still be breathing, but she’s not alive… she’s a freaking vegetable, okay! We might as well start calling her Mrs. Potatohead instead of Praline, cause she ain’t gonna be normal ever again. So I’m moving on. That’s what she’d want, right?”

Brian shook his head. “No, AJ, you don’t understand. Praline’s not a vegetable… she’s awake! She woke up from her coma, and she’s perfectly fine!”

The blood drained from AJ’s face. “She’s… what?”

“She’s okay, man! Isn’t that great?”

“Yeah…” AJ said slowly. “Yeah, it is… really… but, Bri… I… I cheated on her, man! What am I going to do?”

“Just be honest with her,” Brian said with a shrug. “She’ll understand. You thought she was dying, and you were so caught up in grief that you didn’t know what you were doing.”

“Yeah… yeah! That’s good, Bri!” AJ said with a grin. “I’m gonna go tell her now!” He ran off to his girlfriend’s room, eager to tell her the truth and get the weight off his chest.

“Like, hi, AJ!” exclaimed Praline when AJ strode into her hospital room.

“Hey, ‘sup, Praline?” replied AJ, perching on the edge of her bed. Taking her hand in his, he said, “We gotta talk, baby. I’m really glad you’re not a vegetable, but I have a confession to make.”

“Like, okay… hey, why do you, like, smell like pickles?”

“I just cheated on you with a McDonald’s employee named Wanda.”

Praline blinked. Once, twice, thrice. “You, like, what?” she asked with a twitch.

“I just cheated on you with a McDonald’s employee named Wanda,” AJ repeated.

Praline burst into tears. “Ohmygod! Ohmygod, AJ, how could you, like, do this to, like, me?!” she screeched. “I, like, hate you, and, like, I never, like, want to, like, see you, like, ever again! Go to, like, Hell!”

“But I love you!” pleaded AJ.

“Like, die!”

“Praline-“

“Get, like, out of my, like, room!”

AJ sighed. “Fine,” he relented and trudged out of the hospital room, his shoulders slumped in defeat. And naturally, he then proceeded to run out of the hospital, heartbroken, drive to the nearest bar, and drown his sorrows in alcohol.

“I love you, Jack,” he slurred drunkenly at the shot glass of Jack Daniels in front of him, the umpteenth in an infinite series.

But the alcohol seemed to be mocking him. “Don’t you do that, Alex. Don’t you say your goodbyes,” the shot glass sputtered.

Smiling, AJ quickly downed the glass and ordered up another. No goodbyes, after all. The night was young.

So he kept drinking, and no one around him protested.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 21:

Code Blue and Jedi Too


It was exactly 3:33 a.m. when nurse Tricia Tibbles heard the familiar “wheeeeee-ooooooo, wheeeeee-ooooooo” of an ambulance pulling into the ambulance bay outside the Emergency Room at Orlando General Hospital.

“Is this the high profile case that’s coming in?” she asked her colleague, Dr. Tami Flue.

“Yes,” answered Dr. Flue in a grave whisper. “It’s AJ McLean, one of the Backstreet Boys. According to the call, he collapsed at a bar and is suffering from suspected alcohol poisoning.”

“Oh no!” Tricia gasped, contorting her mouth into an expression of horror. But when Dr. Flue was not looking, she grinned maliciously. One of the Backstreet Boys, is it? And hm, too much to drink? That would make for a big story if the tabloids got wind of it, she thought, the wheels in her mind already turning as she began to plot and scheme.

“Come on, Tibbles, the paramedics are bringing him in now,” said Dr. Flue, springing to action. Tricia obediently sprang to action right behind her.

“Hey, you two might want to stop springing around here. I just washed the floor; it’s still wet,” warned janitor Charlene Chavez, otherwise known as “Chacha” (not because she was the best dancer at Orlando General, just because her first and last name both started with “Cha”… although she did still have the worst reputation. After expulsion from med school and a brief stint in rehab, she’d finally managed to get a job in the “housekeeping” department at the hospital and spent her days mopping up blood, vomit, and other bodily fluids, and… well, I guess this really isn’t that important… so never mind.)

Hardly acknowledging Chacha’s warning, Dr. Flue and Tricia hurried to meet the paramedics at the entrance to the ER. Tricia looked down at the stretcher they were wheeling to see that Dr. Flue had been right; it was indeed the Backstreet Boy AJ McLean. He was unconscious, his skin a deathly pale shade of ashy, pasty, chalky, ghost/paper whitish-gray.

“Trauma 2,” Dr. Flue directed, and as she and Tricia helped the paramedics roll AJ there, they recited his vital signs. “Patient is unconscious and in respiratory distress, pulse is weak, BM 80%, BLT 40/70, extreme LC, KUI and KAK both low…” (Of course, most of this is just made up gibberish that sounds similar to what they say on ER a lot… cause come on, boppers don’t research anything, they just guess.)

They had just hooked AJ up to all of the medical gizmos and gadgets that would need to be in place by the time the other Backstreet Boys came to visit, in order to have a good description about how lost AJ looked amidst the mass of wires and tubes, etc., when the line on the heart monitor went flat.

“Code Blue!” called Dr. Flue.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Meanwhile, in that very same hospital, just in a different ward, the other four Backstreet Boys sat in the waiting room while Ali, Nikki, Taylor, and Safyre visited Praline. Over the intercom, they heard the call, “Code Blue in ER Trauma 2. Code Blue in ER Trauma 2.”

Brian sat up straight, putting his hand over his heart, just as Howie gasped.

“What??” Nick and Kevin cried in unison.

“AJ!” came Brian and Howie’s panicked reply.

“Huh?” said Nick.

“The Code Blue in the ER,” Brian whispered. “It’s AJ!”

“How do you know?” Kevin demanded.

“The Lord told me,” replied Brian. “Did He tell you too, Howie?”

“No…” Howie said slowly. “I just knew. AJ’s my best friend – we just have that connection, I guess.” He shrugged. “I guess it’s kind of like Jedi using The Force in Star Wars.”

Nick eyed Howie suspiciously. “Wait… are you saying you and AJ are really Darth Vader’s long lost twin sons?”

“No… I’m saying AJ’s down in the ER dying right now.”

“Oh, good cause I would have been hella pissed if you two had Jedi powers and never told us!” Nick retorted.

“Shut up, Nick. We have to get down to the ER before it’s too late!” cried Kevin, leaping to his feet. The other Boys followed suit, jumping up and sitting back down, busting a quick and slick pop-locking move, then jumping back up again and sprinting from the room.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 22:

Now That’s What I Call a Bleach Job!


Downstairs, the four Backstreet Boys were met by a frazzled-looking Dr. Flue, who had eyed them suspiciously, wondering how they had known to come. After Nick’s rambling explanation of Jedi powers and The Force (with a little intervention from God), Dr. Flue sat them all down to give them the usual grave talk about AJ’s condition.

“Your friend AJ’s liver is shot,” she told them grimly.

“AJ was shot?!” Nick gasped. “In the liver?!”

“No, no, he wasn’t shot. His liver is shot – ruined. It was the alcohol. Your friend almost drank himself to death tonight.”

The Boys exchanged worried glances. “I-I-Is he going to make it?” stammered Kevin, afraid to hear the answer.

“Not without a liver transplant,” Dr. Flue replied. “We need to begin the search for a donor. If one isn’t found soon… AJ will die.”

A collective round of gasps went around the room, as the four bandmates exchanged looks of horror.

“Oh no,” Brian moaned softly, squeezing his eyes shut. He bowed his head, clasped his hands, and began to pray silently. “Lord… please don’t take AJ away from us. Please, let us find a donor so that AJ can get a new liver and live!”

And then, to his astonishment, he heard a voice in his head. “Help him, O B-Rok… you’re his only hope.”

“Me?” Brian said out loud, and the others looked over at him.

“You what?” asked Nick.

“I… I’m AJ’s only hope… that must mean I’m destined to be his donor!” Brian cried, leaping out of his seat with this revelation. He glanced heavenward. “It’s a big sacrifice to make… but AJ’s like my brother. For him, I would do anything!” And with that, he fled the room and ran out into the hall, nearly colliding with Chacha, the disgruntled janitor. “Oh, I’m sorry mi-“ Brian started to apologize, but then stopped, staring at Chacha with dawning realization. “Hey… you’re a janitor here, aren’t you?”

“I prefer housekeeping employee… or custodial technician, if you wanna get fancy. But basically… yeah, I’m a janitor. What’s it to you?” snapped Chacha.

“You think you could get me a bottle of bleach? Or any other powerful cleaning agent that would be fatal if ingested, as well as burning a person’s esophagus and causing as much pain as possible?” Brian requested calmly.

“Oh… sure!” said Chacha, disappearing into a janitor’s closet and returning with a bottle of liquid Clorox Bleach. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” said Brian, uncapping the bottle. “This is for you, AJ,” he murmured, lifting the bottle to his lips. “Cheers.” And with that, he tipped the bottle back and began to chug its contents. The bleach burned like fire as it ran down his throat, and immediately, he began to gasp and choke. The empty bottle fell from his hands as he clutched his throat. He gagged, as the fiery pain reached his stomach, and then he began to vomit.

Meanwhile, Kevin had just emerged from the room where the Boys had been taken, and he was the first to witness Brian writhing in agony. “Brian!” he screamed, running toward the younger man. He saw the bottle of bleach on the floor and the fountain of blood that was now spurting from Brian’s mouth and put two and two together. “Brian!” he cried. “Why did you do it?!”

“A-AJ,” Brian choked, collapsing to the ground.

“B-b-but… you’re my cousin,” Kevin whimpered, his emerald green eyes filling with tears.

“It was… my… destiny,” gasped Brian, and then he fell unconscious.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” howled Kevin like a wounded animal (even though most wounded animals don’t go “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”), as Nick and Howie came running.

“What happened?!” they cried in horror as they looked upon Brian’s motionless form.

“M-my cousin gave up his life… for AJ,” whispered Kevin sadly.

Howie shook his head mournfully. “But why? Why did he have to do it that way?”

“He didn’t have to do it at all,” said a voice behind them. The three distraught men turned to find Dr. Flue also gazing down at Brian, her forehead creased. “He didn’t give me a chance to tell you… liver transplants don’t have to come from dead people!”

“Huh?” the three Backstreet Boys exclaimed in unison.

“No,” Dr. Flue continued, shaking her head, “the liver is able to regenerate. All we would have had to do is take half of Brian’s liver and put it in AJ’s body, and both halves would have grown into whole livers again. But… since he went and did this, we might as well use the whole liver. Tricia!” A nurse came scurrying over. “Let’s get Mr. Littrell on life support and off to the OR, as well as Mr. McLean We have a liver transplant to do!”

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 23:

My Liver Will Go On


Hours later, a lone figure sat in a darkened hospital room, his back hunched, his shoulders slumped, his hands wrapped tightly around the limp hand of the man lying motionlessly in the bed next to him.

“Wish you’d wake up, J,” murmured Nick, rubbing the back of AJ’s hand. According to Dr. Flue, the transplant surgery had gone well, but Nick wouldn’t feel reassured until AJ woke up. He’d tried talking to him, poking him, and even singing a few of their songs to him, but even that surefire trick hadn’t worked. AJ remained unconscious. Dr. Flue had said it might take awhile for the anesthesia to wear off, but Nick wanted AJ awake now.

What would be even better is if he, Nick, could wake up… wake up and realize that this whole day had been nothing but a nightmare… wake up and find Brian still alive and AJ still perfectly fine.

Now, in some fanfics, that’s exactly what would happen – Nick would wake up bathed in cold sweat and realize it had all just been a bad dream. But we’re not going to be that idealistic. Unrealistic as this all is, it’s not going to end up being a dream.

I hate you, Nick silently cursed whoever was doing all this to them.

Sorry, Nick. We only do it because we love you.

Speaking of loving Nick, at that very moment, the beeping pattern of AJ’s heart monitor suddenly changed, and Nick’s eyes flew to the monitor over the bed in alarm. The jagged green line running across the screen did not go flat, but it did change. In fact, instead of going up and down with each steady blip, the line was beginning to form… letters?

Nick watched in amazement as words began to scrawl across the screen. He squinted up at it, trying to make out the words before they flew by.

“I… l-l-love… y-you… Nick?” he sounded the message out, cocking his head in disbelief as it processed in his brain. “I love you, Nick?” he repeated. AJ’s heart monitor is in love with me? Damn, I must be one sexy dude if even inanimate pieces of medical equipment have got the hots for me.

“I, uh… I love you too, Ms. Heart Monitor,” he said stupidly, feeling it was only proper to return the sentiment. He just hoped he was correct in identifying the heart monitor as a “Ms.” Because if it was a “Mr.”… well, sorry, but he just didn’t go that way.

He watched as new words began to creep across the screen. … Not the heart monitor, dummy… it’s Brian…

Nick’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Brian?!” he cried. “Nuh-uh… it couldn’t be! Brian’s dead!”

… So you think it’s more probable that it’s the heart monitor talking to you?...

Nick thought about that one for a moment. “Brian?” he asked cautiously, his eyes narrowing at monitor.

… That’s my name, don’t wear it out…

“Brian!” Nick cried happily. “It is you! What’s up, dawg?”

… I’m up… in Heaven…

“Ah, right. How is it up there?”

… Good to be back… catching up with all my old angel buddies…

“Mmm…” Nick smiled, imagining Brian stretched out on top of a soft cloud, surrounded by hundreds of hot angels draped in strategically placed folds of white satin and nothing more. “Nice.”

… Listen Nick, I need to tell you something…

“Hey, whatever you’ve got to say, buddy, say it,” said Nick. “Hey, how are you saying all this stuff to me anyway?”

… Because a part of me is inside AJ…

“Your liver,” Nick specified.

…Yes… my liver…

“But that still doesn’t make sense,” said Nick. “How can your liver talk? How can your liver make these words show up on a heart monitor? How can a heart monitor form letters?”

… Nothing in this story makes sense, Nick… don’t question it…

“Good point,” said Nick, nodding vigorously. “So what were you going to say?”

… I want you to promise that you’ll help AJ go on… that you’ll help him survive… that you won’t let him give up… …Promise me now, Nick… and never let go of that promise…

Nick had missed some of that – the words were going by so fast, and he wasn’t a good reader to begin with – but he caught the end part, so he nodded solemnly, pretending he’d read it all, and whispered, “I’ll never let go, Brian. I’ll never let go.”

With his words, the text on the heart monitor suddenly faded and was replaced by the peaking green line. Nick stared at it in despair. “Wait!” he cried. “But- but, Brian… wait!”

But the words did not return, and all of a sudden, a gravely voice asked, “Who the fuck have you been babbling to, Nick?”

Nick looked down in surprise to see AJ’s eyes open. “AJ!” he squealed happily. AJ was alive, and Brian was… well, sort of alive, through AJ’s new liver and the heart monitor. It was a miracle! At least the fifth one in the story thus far. But of course there would probably be even more on the way.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 24:

The Scoop at Teen Beat


The day of Brian’s second funeral also dawned cool and rainy. AJ was still in the hospital making his miraculous recovery, but Nick, Kevin, Howie, and PANTS were all there to sing “One Sweet Day” again as they bid their friend another final farewell. (Well, maybe not a final farewell… but a farewell nevertheless.) Nick made another tearful speech about his dear friend Frick, and this time, Praline didn’t get kicked out for dressing like a hooker.

After the funeral, they all tossed roses on Brian’s Wildcat blue silk-lined casket and then gathered around his tombstone to say a few words.

“Man, talk about déjà vu,” Nick sniffled as they all read the familiar inscription. Hadn’t they just done this very same thing about a year ago?

Yep, they had. And who knows, they might be doing it again before the end of this story.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Meanwhile, at Orlando General Hospital…

“What are you watching?” asked Nurse Tricia Tibbles, as she came up to the nurses station to find all of her co-workers standing in a pack, their eyes glued to one of the small TVs mounted overhead. It was tuned to CNN.

“They’re showing some coverage of Brian Littrell’s funeral… you know, that Backstreet Boy that drank the bottle of bleach and offed himself here the other day?” The nurse who had spoken shook her head sadly. “Such a tragedy. He seemed like such a sweet young man. But at least he saved his dying friend in the process with a liver transplant.”

Tricia forced an expression of sympathy onto her face. “I know,” she murmured. “It’s sooo sad.”

“Of course, the news reports aren’t giving out all the details,” the nurse went on matter-of-factly. “I don’t think they even know. They were trying to cover up what really happened at the press conference – what would the young fans think if they knew one of the Backstreet Boys had nearly drank himself to death with alcohol, and the other literally drank himself to death… with bleach?!”

Tricia fought hard to keep from smirking. “I don’t blame them for trying to cover it up,” she agreed. “The media would have a heyday with that story. Any details would be paid for in gold…”

The other nurse nodded vaguely, turning her attention back to the TV. It was just the opportunity Tricia needed to slink away, out of sight. “Mwahaha!” she cackled to herself as she looked around for a payphone in a quiet spot. “I’m sure I’ll have no trouble finding a tabloid to run this exclusive story… but for a price. A very high price…”

Dollar signs gleamed in her glazed eyes as she picked up the phone receiver and pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of the pocket of her scrubs.

If only she knew what was to come…

***

Nine minutes and thirty-eight seconds later

At the main office of Teen Beat magazine, Lionel Rodriguez smirked down at the notepad in front of him, which was filled with his hastily-scrawled notes. He read over them again, his eyes wide, his pulse racing with excitement. He couldn’t believe his luck! He wanted to pinch himself, because surely this had to be a dream.

Lionel had been after the Backstreet Boys for months, desperate to dig up the dirt on them and take them down. They had spurned him one too many times, with their “No comments!” and “Get away, or I’ll call the cops!” and that time Nick Carter had sicced his Rottweiler on him. He wanted revenge. And with the information the woman on the phone had just given him, he would get it.

When this story came out in the next edition of Teen Beat, it would ruin their careers. Not only were they without one of their members, but now they’d be without their fans. All the teenies would abandon them when they found out one of their members was an alcoholic who was responsible for his bandmate’s death… and those that didn’t would be forced to by their overprotective parents, who would surely view the Backstreet Boys as a “bad influence.”

And best of all, he, Lionel, would be rewarded beyond measure for writing the article that broke the exclusive story, the real story. None of the news media had it right; only Teen Beat knew the truth. Once it came out, the Boys wouldn’t be able to deny it, and the media would have Lionel Rodriguez to thank for giving them the scoop they’d been waiting for all along. He would be promoted, most definitely. Maybe he’d finally be able to leave this crappy little bopper magazine behind forever and move on to real journalism. Geraldo Rivera would be calling any day…

“Har har har!” Lionel laughed his evil laugh, as he set the computer to print a check made out to a Miss Patricia Tibbles.

If only he knew what was to come…

***

In Heaven, Brian knelt on a cloud and frowned down at the scene unfolding before his eyes on Earth. He couldn’t believe it! One of the nurses at Orlando General had broken her confidentiality agreement and fed every bit of Backstreet dirt she knew – which was quite a bit – to a reporter from Teen Beat magazine, the same reporter who had been harassing the guys ever since the last time he had died. But this time, Lionel Rodriguez had gone too far. He was sending the nurse a check for an outrageous sum of money just for her information, and Brian knew it was only a matter of time before he published it all in an exclusive article. And once that hit the stands, the Backstreet Boys would be in trouble. The whole world would know the truth they’d tried to cover up, and their fans would never trust them again.

They need to know, he thought. The guys need to know what’s going on… and the fans need to hear the truth from us, before it’s too late!

But how could he let them know?

Perplexed, he thought about going to plead with God, to ask if maybe he could be sent back to Earth again to deliver the message. But he and God weren’t on the best of terms at the moment; the Lord wasn’t such a big fan of suicide, even for the sake of saving a friend. Nevertheless, Brian had been allowed through Heaven’s gates for a second time because, come on, he’s Brian Littrell, and he’s a perfect angel already. Still, Brian knew better than to test his limits just yet. It had only been a few days. He would need more time to get back on God’s good graces. But perhaps helping his friends and stopping two greedy, devious, wicked bad people would help.

But how? he thought again. Then he remembered. The heart monitor! He’d been able to communicate with Nick through AJ’s heart monitor because his liver was now inside AJ’s body. How, he was not sure, but it didn’t matter – in a story where he could die and go to Heaven, then come back to life, and then die again, anything was possible. He knew his liver must be the key to contacting the guys!

If only he knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 25:

Labels and Lingual Livers


After Brian’s funeral, Kevin, Nick, and Howie trudged sadly back to AJ’s hospital room to visit their recuperating friend.

“How was it?” the rebel asked in a whisper.

Nick shrugged. “About the same as his last funeral,” the blonde replied, sighing. “Why does all this crap keep happening to us, guys?”

The four singers looked around the room at each other, and Kevin shook his head. “Wish I knew. I mean… he was my cousin!” The Kentuckian squeezed his cucumber-colored eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Howie put his hand on his older brother’s back, wishing he could comfort him. Yet the Latino knew there would be no comforting the former high school football player today, or any other day, not for a long time. Or at least not until Brian miraculously came back from the dead again. But there was no counting on the born-again Christian’s return this time.

“I’m surprised VH1 hasn’t contacted us about doing a ‘Behind the Music’ yet,” spoke up the original member of the Backstreet Boys from his hospital bed.

The dewy-eyed youngster gave a derisive snort. “I know, bro… we’ve got enough material for a five-hour ‘Behind the Music’ special.”

Some of you readers may be going, “Didn’t the Backstreet Boys do a ‘Behind the Music’ in 2005?” But remember, you’re reading a teenybopper fanfic, and some teenyboppers take years to write their stories because they only update every few months. This particular fanfic, for instance, was started by its teenybopper author years before the BSB “Behind the Music” was made and yet is still in progress because the teenybopper got a little distracted with a couple of other stories. So, no, in the world of “Not Another Teenybopper Fanfic,” there is no “Behind the Music: Backstreet Boys’” yet. But fear not… by the end of this story, there will be enough drama to fill about ten seasons of “Behind the Music.”

Getting back to the story, Kevin smirked through the tears reflecting off his shamrock green irises. “I’ll say,” the Caucasian said.

The four teen idols fell silent for a few minutes, none of them knowing what to say. Not comfortable with awkward silences, Nick decided to break this one. “So…” the licensed scuba diver said slowly, looking around the room. “Anything interesting happen here at the hospital while we were gone?”

The puppeteer in the hospital bed laughed dryly. “I’ve been lying here in my bed all day. What sort of interesting things did you expect to happen?”

The heartthrob shrugged and said, “I dunno. Just making conversation.”

“Don’t start bickering, fellas,” the certified ballroom dance instructor scolded flatly. “That’s the last thing we need today. We’re gonna have to stick together more than ever now.”

“He’s right,” agreed the Irish-Puerto Rican.

“We’ll never be all together again,” sighed the tow-headed singer. “Not as long as Brian’s gone.”

“Don’t say that, Nick,” said the ex-Disney World employee sharply. “Brian’s never gone… never far… in our hearts is where he are.”

The three Floridians exchanged looks. “Kev’s speaking in Redneck again,” the bad boy whispered to the kid on the Slip-N-Slide from Edward Scissorhands. The uncredited extra-turned-famous popstar giggled.

“Hey!” said a random voice. “Don’t mess with Kentucky!”

The four male vocal harmony group members looked at each other in confusion. “Who said that??” demanded the blue-eyed baby.

The colon cancer advocate cocked his head to the side, his substantial eyebrows furrowing in concentration. “That sounds like… my cousin…” he said slowly.

“Brian? Kevin… Brian’s dead,” the peacemaker replied, his brown eyes filled with concern for his green-eyed bandmate.

“Dead… but not gone,” the voice spoke up again. “A part of me lives on…”

All eyes turned to the lead singer in the bed. “What?” asked the recovering alcoholic. “My liver?”

“My liver,” the voice objected. “Don’t forget, buddy, I drank bleach so you could live.”

“BRIAN?!?!?!” the four living Backstreet Boys exclaimed in unison.

“Alright!” the Lexington native’s famous voice rang out, and his band brothers all looked around in shock.

“Frick? Where are you??” asked the sea-grass destroyer, his voice rising.

Suddenly, the high-falsetto crooner gasped. “His voice! It’s coming from AJ!” He pointed to the Capricorn, who looked down at himself in shock.

“Frick! Say something else!” shouted the star of Phantom of the Opera in fourth grade.

“Something else,” quipped the smart-aleck.

The Winter Olympic torch-bearer’s finger shook as he continued to point to his best friend. “It’s AJ’s liver… I mean, Brian’s liver… well, the liver that was once in Brian but is now in AJ – it… it’s talking! It’s Brian! Brian’s talking through his liver!”

It took the other “If You Want It To Be Good Girl (Get Yourself a Bad Boy)” singers a few moments to process the kid who was an extra in Parenthood’s stammering nonsense, but finally, the Ninja Turtle asked, his voice quivering with emotion, “How could this be??”

“Don’t question it, dude,” the one-sixteenth-Blackfoot Indian, I mean Native American, cautioned. “He already came back from the dead once… so it’s only natural that he’d now be projecting his voice through an organ in AJ’s body.”

“This is whack!” exclaimed the tattooed freak, still staring down at his torso. He poked at the bandages covering the healing incision on his side. “You in there, Rok?”

“Don’t be stupid, J,” the Tates Creek High School graduate said. “Listen, there’s no time to mess around… I can’t explain this either, but I don’t know how long it’s going to last, and I need to warn you!”

“Warn us? Warn us about what?” asked the mummy from the “Everybody” video, his blue eyes wide. Then he, the vampire, the phantom, and the Jekyll/Hyde dude with the briefcase listened as the pimped-out, back-flipping werewolf told them everything, how one of the nurses at the hospital had broken confidentiality and sold their story to a conniving tabloid reporter.

“You need to come clean with the fans and break the story yourselves… before Teen Beat can,” advised the Healthy Heart Club for Kids founder seriously. “AJ… are you willing to do that?”

The stage-humper nodded. “You’re right, Rok… we need to tell the truth about everything. The fans will understand. We’re only human; we make mistakes too.”

His liver – or rather, the spirit that possessed it – snorted. “I’ll say. Like drinking a bottle of bleach when you could have just given away part of your liver and still lived… my bad.”

The Aquarius chuckled awkwardly and then asked, “Hey, Frick? Do you think… do you think you’ll come back to life again, like you did before?”

When he answered, the choirboy’s voice was solemn. “I don’t know, Frack… we’ll see. We’ll see…”

The other four MTV Video Music Award Viewer’s Choice winners nodded in equal solemnity.

If only they knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 26:

The Villains’ Plan is Thwarted!


Lionel growled in fury as he stared at his computer screen, watching his exclusive story unfold before his eyes… at the press conference the Backstreet Boys had held earlier that day. He had just finished the article when he got the email from his supervisor, telling him he had better stream the video ASAP. At first, Lionel had been crushed to see the boyband telling a room of reporters everything that had happened over the last few days, from AJ’s binge drinking to Brian’s suicide. Now, he was outraged. His story was no longer exclusive, and the promotion he’d been expecting on a silver platter was now only a fantasy.

Curse those Backstreet Boys! he thought, his eyes narrowing at their blurry images on his monitor. This was all their faults! It was because of them his career was going to stagnate! He could have gone so far, if only they’d waited a few more days. But no, they’d just had to go and spill to the press before he could get his story out. Now he had nothing good to report on.

But wait, he thought, a light bulb going off in his head. Maybe I can get more for an article… something exclusive… pictures, perhaps. I can call that nurse, Tricia, and get her to take some of AJ in the hospital. They’d be exclusive photos, printed in Teen Beat first!

Lionel’s dark eyes gleamed with excitement. This would be perfect! Now all he had to do was call Tricia…

If only he knew what was to come…

***

Tricia was sitting at her coffee table, cackling as she meticulously drew black Xs over the eyes of each of the Backstreet Boys in the pictures that filled the book she’d found about them on the clearance racks at K-Mart, when her phone rang. Setting down her permanent marker, she reached for the phone. “Hello?”

“Miss Tibbles? Lionel Rodriguez, Teen Beat magazine,” came the brusque voice she’d become familiar with over the last few days.

“Lionel,” she said, her voice flat. “It’s over. The Backstreet Boys already held a press conference and broke their story.”

“I know. That’s why I’m calling. I need new material for my next article… something exclusive, something the rest of the media won’t have. What can you get me? I was thinking pictures, photographs… of AJ in particular. Can you take some pictures of him in the hospital?” Before Tricia could get a word out, Lionel went on quickly, “They say a picture’s worth a thousand words, Miss Tibbles. Well I can tell you, in our case, a picture’s worth a thousand dollars… or more. Get my point?”

He would make a great car salesman, thought Tricia. He sure sounded like one. “I get your point,” she answered, “and I’d love to provide you with the pictures you need, but… I can’t. I got fired from the hospital.”

“What??” his voice rose sharply.

“Yeah… I don’t know how they found me out, but those fucking Backstreet Boys somehow reported me, and I got fired for breaking confidentiality. Not only that, but they now have a restraining order against me… I’m not supposed to set foot in the hospital again,” Tricia lamented, holding the phone with her shoulder while she uncapped her marker again and scratched another pair of Xs over AJ’s sunglasses.

“Damn, damn, damn!” chanted Lionel.

“I’m sorry,” Tricia offered. “Believe me, I wish I could give you what you want too… I need the money, especially now that I’m out of a job. I’m going to have a hard time getting hired at another hospital after this…” As a fresh wave of rage washed over her, she suddenly hurled the marker across the room. It left a jagged mark on her wall as it bounced off and rolled under a chair. “God, I wish I could get those fucking Backstab Boys back!!”

There was silence on the other end at first, and for a moment, Tricia was afraid the reporter had hung up. But then she heard his voice, lower and shadier than ever. “Maybe you can. I just had a brainwave… are you listening, Miss Tibbles?”

Her eyes lighting up with interest, Tricia clutched the phone closer to her ear. “I’m listening, Mr. Rodriguez…”

If only she knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 27:

Angel Love Child, Dragon Love Child


From his cloud perch in Heaven, Brian leaned forward, anxious to catch every word of Lionel’s evil plan. But just as the Teen Beat reporter began to speak again, Brian was distracted by a familiar voice who said, “Brian?”

Brian jumped, nearly falling from his cloud. Turning quickly, he found himself face to face with the one angel he’d thought he would never see again.

“Angelica!” he cried, his eyes growing wide at the sight of his heavenly sweetheart. “I thought I’d never see you again! Not since I was given my life back and you were sent to Hell for cursing.”

“I thought so too,” replied Angelica. “But here we are… you made it back to Heaven, and so did I.”

“I died,” Brian announced, as if it weren’t obvious. “Killed myself, actually, so I’m surprised I didn’t meet up with you in that other place. But I guess God spared me because I did it to save a friend.”

“I died too,” echoed Angelica. “In childbirth.”

“How could you die again?” wondered Brian, too distracted by the flawed logic of this to comprehend her last words. “I mean, you were in Hell, so you were still dead in the first place, weren’t you?”

Then, suddenly, it occurred to him what else she’d said. “Wait a minute… did you say, ‘in childbirth’??”

Angelica sighed, pursing her lips tightly. “Brian… there’s something you should know.”

“What? That you have a baby??”

“That you have a baby. Meet your daughter, Brianna.”

Seemingly out of nowhere, a little girl appeared. She looked to be at least three, and immediately, Brian became suspicious. “Hey, wait a minute… how could this be my daughter? It’s only been a couple of months since I got my life back. Even if you were pregnant then, there’s no way our child could be three years old by now.”

“You’re forgetting, she was born in Hell. Things work a little differently down there. Time can go very fast or very slow. Good things – like the birth of a baby – happen quickly to get them over with, while bad things take forever to delay the agony as much as possible. I was in labor with her for a solid week, and then my obstedemon – OD – decided to deliver her through a C-section, without anesthesia. That’s when I bled to death, and they bathed Brianna in my blood. To torture me more, they sent my soul back to Heaven and left Brianna in a state of eternal hellfire… but thankfully, God was merciful and sent his archangels to bring her back to me. Not before Satan had aged her three years, though. I missed out on her baby years, all of her firsts. They tell me her first word was ‘Dee-ma’ – demon – not ‘Mama.’ I missed so much, Brian… so much. But then again, so did you. And now that we’re back together as a family, we’ll have the rest of eternity to make up for it.” She smiled at him, her eyes shining.

Brian blinked, not having a clue what to say to that. It was quite possibly the most disturbing thing he’d ever heard. But then he looked upon the child more closely and realized he didn’t have to say a thing.

This little girl was his; there was no doubt about it. She had his light, curly hair, his blue eyes, even his abnormally large nostrils. And, instinctively, he loved her already, every inch of her, nostrils and all. In his eyes, she was beautiful and perfect, a true little angel.

“Daddy?” asked Brianna in her sweet, angelic voice.

“Baby,” his voice cracked, and he ran and scooped up his illegitimate love child and held her close. “Things are gonna be different this time around,” he told Angelica, kissing her to seal the promise. “I’m never going to leave you and Brianna again.”

It was then that he remembered what he’d been doing before they had appeared. Gasping, he passed Brianna back to Angelica and hurried to his cloud perch to look down into Lionel Rodriquez’s office once more. To his dismay, Lionel had already gotten off the phone with Tricia Tibbles, and his plan had gone unheard.

“Oh no,” fretted Brian, raking his hands through his hair. “How am I going to warn the fellas if I don’t know what he’s going to do or when he’s going to strike?”

“Brian? What are you talking about?” asked Angelica with a frown.

Brian turned to her, biting his lip. “Um, baby? I know I just told you I’d never leave you again, but… uh… the guys really need me back on Earth. I need to go appeal to the Lord and see if he could possibly grant me my life back again. But this’ll be the last time, I swear!”

“What?!” gasped Angelica. “Brian, no!! Please don’t do this! I need you here! Your daughter needs you!”

“The guys need me more. Please, you have to understand.” Not waiting for her protest, Brian leaned forward quickly and pecked her lips. “I’ll be back again someday, I promise,” he promised, and then he flew away to God’s cloud fortress, which was located several miles down the golden brick road.

Please, God, he prayed as he flew, please let the Lord give me back my life this one last time.

If only he knew what was to come…

***

Chapter 28:

More Random Song Lyrics and Absolutely No Content Whatsoever


What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
Brother I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you,

She's got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let's go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Let's spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I'm really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin' at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can't touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don't pull on my hand boy,
You ain't my man, boy,
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin' got you,

She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon' do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I'ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.

(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) [x4]

She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spendin' time on me
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

[Will.i.am]
So real [x17]

- “My Humps” by the Black-Eyed Peas

***