Adrenaline was pumping through his body. He was on stage, the place where he felt most alive. The music was blasting, he was moving in perfect harmony with his band mates, and their voices worked flawlessly together. The crowd was cheering and screaming and dancing, he could see the moving mass of bodies sway with the rhythm. The lights were blinding him most of the time, but every now and then he could see a face standing out in the crowd. Whether they were singing along with the words, smiling or crying, they were the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. Oddly they never seemed as beautiful when he stepped off stage and went to sign autographs or take pictures and hug them. Of course some of them were still gorgeous, but not like this. Never like this. He took a deep breath to prepare for his solo, and belted like never before. The screaming increased, a mass of female voices rang through his head as he finished the song. The music faded away and he smiled down at the audience. A face that flashed before his eyes on the front row made him almost lose track of what he was saying. It burned in his head while he said his ending words to their audience.

"I don't really need to sing, do I? You guys are awesome!" They screamed again. "Thank you guys, you've been a gorgeous audience tonight! Goodnight ladies! Oh, and gentlemen of course," he joked and was rewarded with a laugh. He joined hands with his band mates and took a bow before walking off stage. He could hear the disappointed sighs as the lights came on in the venue, along with the massive applause.


When he came to the dressing room they shared he ripped off his shirt and crashed in an armchair. The others sat down as well, wiping sweat off their faces. It had been a rough night, and they were all tired.

"So how's that for a closing show?" the oldest one, Kevin asked, a smile on his face as he grabbed a Red Bull and gulped it down.

"Maaan... It was awesome! Can I have one of those?" Nick asked and nodded at the ice bucket filled with drinks.

"Here you go, man. Yeah it was great." Howie rolled his shoulders and threw a Red Bull at Nick, who caught it with a sigh.

"I loved every minute of it!" Brian laughed when Nick opened the can and got Red Bull all over himself. "How about you, Alex?"

He nodded. "We rocked."

"I'd drink to that," Howie smiled. "But not in Red Bull. I think what we need now is a toast in champagne." He grabbed the bottle out of it's silver cooler and opened it with a loud pop.

"Yeah, we'd better prepare for the party tonight. I'ma get really drunk and hook up with the hottest girl in the damn club!" Nick exclaimed as he took the glass Kevin handed him. "And it's gonna be so damn easy since Mr. Casanova here is taken." He nodded at AJ with a big mischievous grin. "Is Emily coming tonight?"

"Nope, she had to work, but hopefully she'll be there when I get home."

Kevin got to his feet. "Okay... To us, and to closing this tour, and to going back in the studio."

"To vacation." Howie smiled at his, in his opinion overly-ambitious friend.

"To love." Brian said as he got on his feet.

"To sleep." AJ smiled.

"To party and babes and..."

"Shut it, Nick!" Kevin couldn't help but laugh. He was so sick of living with Nick's pranks and adolescent comments, he couldn't wait to get home to his own bed and the quiet house, but this was the last night he had to take it for a while, so he felt generous. They all emptied their glasses.

"Come on guys. Let's hit the showers, there are beautiful women waiting for us out there!" Nick exclaimed, running laughing towards the shower to avoid Kevin's playful anger.


When they came to the club, AJ walked straight to the bar and ordered a shot of Jack Daniels. While he waited for the bartender to get him his drink, he looked around the room. The music was loud and the dance floor was already jammed with people. He saw Nick dancing with a cute, blonde girl with some of the skimpiest clothes he'd ever seen. He laughed to himself and shook his head. It was so typical Nick. And he sure did work fast. A voice behind him took his attention away from Nick, and he turned around. A girl was standing at the bar ordering a drink. He didn't see much of her, just a curtain of silky black hair that was so long it touched the small of her back. She was wearing a short ripped denim skirt and knee high stiletto heeled boots, and her skin looked like chocolate. He had to fight the urge to bite her. He shifted to get a better look at her, just as she turned to face him. She had on a black corset-type top that stopped to reveal a pierced belly button. He let his eyes slide up her body and look at her face. Even in her high heeled boots she was a good head shorter than him, he noticed as he looked into her eyes and forgot everything. It felt like he looked into her eyes forever, their deep brown color dazzled him, and when she stretched her hand out to introduce herself it took him a couple of seconds to regain his composure enough to shake it.

"Alanna."

"Alex."

She smiled. "I know. I was at the show tonight. It was awesome."

"Thanks. I... Were you in the front row?"

"Yeah. I stood in that line for twenty hours. It was totally worth it. And when I heard that you guys were having your party here, I just had to come."

"I saw you."

"You did? Cool! Well, you know, I've been a fan since the very first record was released in Europe, I was an exchange student there for awhile, and I just fell in love with you guys."

This was getting uncomfortable. 'Fell in love with'? That could be the first sign of a very stalker-ish person, he knew that. But his curiosity about this girl was forcing him to keep talking to her. "Really?"

"Yeah. You know, the whole concept of five cute guys singing amazing songs... I never really fell for the New Kids on the Block- thing. But you guys... And you. You were always my favorite. Ever since day one. I've read everything about you and all that."

"It's not all true, you know."

"I kinda guessed that when I read you were dying and paying millions to go to the moon and dating the Emily Griffin and all that."

"Emily and I are living together."

"You are? Wow. She's gorgeous. I love her in 'Santa Monica'. Hell, I love the entire movie."

"Yeah." He didn't feel like talking about Emily though, so he quickly changed the subject. "So, what do you do?"

"I'm a real estate agent. So if you ever need a house, you can call me." She smiled and pulled out a business card from her purse. "My private number's on there as well. If you want anything else. I gotta go now. But feel free to give me a call." She smiled as she walked past him, completely forgetting about her drink, and heading for the door. He remained standing there looking at the door long after she'd passed through it.


It was Nick who broke his enchantment.

"Hey! Did you see me with that girl? Is she the hottest one here or what?"

"Huh?" AJ turned his head and looked at Nick.

"The girl I was dancing with? She's in the bathroom now, and I'm supposed to get us some drinks."

"Oh, the one with barely any clothes on?"

Nick shook his head. "Man, being a couple has really got to you, huh?" He laughed. "There was a time when you still had your balls attached, and you loved those girls. Hell, you used to fight me for them."

AJ shrugged. "The times they are a-changing. Whatever."

Nick looked at his friend, completely bewildered. "What've you been doing?"

"Nothing. Waiting for my drink."

"It's by your elbow, and it has been for the last ten minutes," the bartender cut in with a smile, and threw her curly hair back over her shoulder. "You were busy, from what I could see."

"Oh." He blushed and paid for the drink, then gulped it down.

"Busy?" Nick furrowed his brows and sat down on a bar stool. "Tell me."

"It was nothing. I gotta go."

"You're going home? We've barely got here, and you're going home. Are you feeling well?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just gotta go." He walked out, leaving a completely confused Nick behind.


When he got out of the cab outside his house and saw the lights on, he expected the comfortable, cozy feeling of coming home, and coming home to Emily. They'd been together for a year and a half, and she'd moved in with him nine months ago. In the beginning he'd loved living with her. Loved the feminine touch she'd put on his house, loved having her around. But before the tour, and the few times he'd came home during it, he'd noticed a change in their relationship. It wasn't all moonlight and roses anymore, they'd fallen into a comfortable routine that incorporated sweatpants and take out in the couch, and falling asleep without making love first. Sometimes things had gotten so far that they'd argued, and that without any make-up sex afterwards, just a deafening silence. And now, as he stood outside the house, he just didn't want to go in. He'd do anything to get away from it, actually. He decided to take a walk, and steered his steps towards the beach. He sat down in the sand and stared blankly ahead. Inside his head was a ringing sound, soft at first, then stronger and stronger until it echoed in his head. Her voice. " Alanna. Alanna. Alanna. Alanna." He shook his head to try and get rid of it, but couldn't. He looked at his watch, and gasped when he saw the time. 4.30. he looked around, and saw that the sun was rising behind him, giving the waves that came crashing in a pink tone. He got to his feet and started walking home.

As he unlocked the front door he found himself wishing that Emily wasn't awake. He tip-toed into the bathroom and got ready to go to bed, then snuck down under the covers. The bed was warm from her body, and he put his head on the pillow with a sigh when she didn't show any signs of waking up.

When he woke up the next day the house smelled of coffee and pancakes. He got out of bed and walked downstairs. Emily was in the kitchen, singing along to the radio and eating her breakfast. She looked up when he walked in.

"Hey!" she greeted him with a smile.

He barely noticed her. Instead he walked straight to the coffee maker and filled the mug that she'd put next to it to the brim.

She furrowed her brows. "Okay? Are you hung over, or are we for some reason not speaking?"

He looked at her as if he'd never seen her before. "Oh, good morning. Did you say something?"

She repeated her first question, and he shook his head as he walked out onto the sun-drenched patio. As he sat down in one of his redwood chairs and sipped his coffee, he didn't see anything of the beautiful day. Alanna's face was burned into his head, and he saw it before him now, just as he'd done all night. He could hear her soft voice inside his head as he pictured her in the crowd at the show. "Looking at the crowd and I see your body sway..." he muttered to himself. "All of your time spent, flashes of light, wishing I could thank you in a different way, c'mon... everytime I'm down, you can make it right, and that makes you larger than life."

"I think I gotta call the asylum and have some men in white robes come to get you. Don't worry though, you'll get a pretty new shirt with buckles and all that." Emily laughed softly. "Why are you sitting out here singing?"

For the first time that day he heard what she was saying and laughed. "I just was inspired, that's all." He shook his head to get rid of Alanna's face, to replace it with Emily's blue eyes, blonde hair and tanned skin. She was the classic blonde beauty, a true California girl, who looked like she'd never done anything but surfing and lying at the beach. He was halfway successful, but that was enough to concentrate on what she was saying.


A week later he still wasn't able to fully get Alanna out of his head. It was causing problems at home, he was distant and grumpy, and he knew it. Her business card was safe in his wallet, and whenever he was alone he'd take it out and look at it. He'd already memorized the numbers on it. Emily was bothering him more and more. He couldn't wait until the short vacation the band was taking was over. She was starting the shooting of a new movie the same day as their first meeting was scheduled. He looked at his watch. Only a couple of hours left. He couldn't wait to see the boys again, he hadn't had any contact with any one of them. They rarely had right after a tour. A couple of intense months on buses and planes was usually enough to make them never want to see each other again, at least not for a couple of weeks. But after some time had passed, they usually couldn't wait to see each other again. Emily walked into the room and sat down on the couch next to him.

"Honey... Are we ok? You've been acting really weird this week."

"Yeah. We're ok, I guess. I've just been tired from the tour."

"You know, you had me wondering... The only time you've acted this way before was those times you know..."

"You think I've been cheating on you?"

She shrugged, a shadow of pain flying across her face. "How would I know? The last times I found out from the press. I don't wanna see another paparazzi picture of you kissing some random slut, and I don't wanna be asked those embarrassing questions by the tabloids. I don't wanna be made fun of by Entertainment Tonight. If you've done something, please tell me now!"

"Emily, I haven't done anything like that. I was stupid before, yes, but I haven't done anything wrong since that last girl."

"The one you fcuked in our bed just a week after I moved in with you?" Her eyes were ice cold.

"That one, yes. Look, we've been through this before." God only knew how many times. "I told you I'm sorry, I promised it'd never happen again. I don't know what else you want. I gotta go take a shower and prepare for our meeting today." He got to his feet and left her sitting on the couch.

When she heard the bathroom door close she let her tears fall. "I want you to love me. To say you love me and mean it, with that smile that was only for me," she whispered before walking quickly towards her bathroom.

AJ took his Porsche to the meeting with the boys, and came just in time. Happy to see his friends, that were more like brothers to him, he greeted them all with hugs. They all talked at the same time to tell what they'd been doing since they last saw each other. Nick's news that he had in fact scored with the blonde from the club, not once, not twice, but "like seven times" were drenched by the fact that Brian had proposed to his girlfriend, Leighanne.

"She said yes. So we'll get married sometime within the next year." He was beaming.

"Congratulations, man!"

"Thanks guys. Well, enough about me and my beautiful fiancée ok? How about talking about this new album?"

"Anyone got any ideas?"

"I do. I've got this song burning in the back of my head, and it could be awesome. I just need your help." AJ sang the lines he'd been humming the entire week.

"Hey! Awesome Alex! That sounds like... A song for the fans!"

To AJ it was a love song. Alanna's song. But when Brian put the words in another context, and Nick took out the guitar, it made more sense. And it could still be his private little love song for her. That it was wrong to write love songs to another girl when he was supposedly happy with the most stunning movie star at the time didn't bother him.

When they'd finished the song he looked at his friends. "It needs a name."

"I think we should call it 'Larger Than Life'. That's what they are, at least to me, and we need to tell them that." Brian looked at him, sensing something more behind it.

"That's what they are," AJ agreed with a nod. 'That's what she is,' he thought to himself.

Emily Griffin sat in her trailer at the set of her new movie, Angel of Sin, and looked out the window, seeing nothing but the Las Vegas desert. She didn't want to be there. She wanted to be at home with AJ, trying to figure out what was wrong. Yes, he'd denied that he'd cheated on her again, but she wasn't sure if she believed him. It made her want to cry, but it would ruin her make up, that had taken two make-up artists three hours to finish. She was gonna die today, and she was going to do it with style she thought, clenching her teeth. She sighed as she heard the knock at the door.

"Yes?"

"Ms. Griffin, we need you at the set."

"I'll be right out." With another deep sigh she fought back the tears, kissed the nose of her good luck charm, a golden panda, as always before a take, and walked out into the dry desert heat. She smiled at her co-star, Jorge Garcia, who was getting his make up retouched.
The special effects director came up to her and ran his hands across her body, making sure that the fake blood was still in the right places, so that it would stain her white sun dress perfectly. He gave her a small pill to put in her mouth to create the effect of more blood. "Remember to slip it into your mouth at my mark, ok?" he said, looking at her.

She nodded. "I will. All set?"

"All set," he confirmed.

"Jorge?"

"I'm done." He smiled at her, a big white smile in his dirty face.

The director, Dean Samson, came up to them and showed them the mark from where they'd be running for their lives. "The bad guys are hidden somewhere around here, and two of them will be coming in a Jeep. I'm not saying where any of them are, because I wanna see real fear. Real panic. You know it'll hurt a bit when the blood goes off. Use it. Exaggerate. Act. You'll get unexpected help, but that won't help you, Em." He nodded at them and walked back to his chair. Emily looked around. They were supposed to run around the area of trailers, where the cameras were. She felt a nervous knot in her stomach. She'd never done a scene like this. Her previous movies had been high school comedies, dramas and romantic comedies. She was out on unknown territory. Jorge, who was playing her boyfriend, had already done two thrillers with Samson, and was more used to his directing. He took her hand reassuringly. "It'll be ok. It's only a game, remember that."

She smiled a shaky smile at him. "I'll try."

"Camera's rolling. Aaand - action!"


She was no longer Emily. She was Deanna, running for her life with Ricardo by her side. A young girl that had gotten so lost in life, stuck in the wrong company, with a boyfriend that was so wrong for her, but that she couldn't stay away from. In the beginning of the movie, Ricardo said to her that "you can't live without me, but living with me is bound to bring you an early death." Deanna's reply was a simple "I'd rather die with you than live without you." Emily had felt intensely for the girl when she read the script and accepted the part immediately. She and no one else was the one to bring Deanna to life. She didn't have time for regrets now, when she looked around, already panicking, to try and see where the bad guys were. Jorge tugged at her hand, making her run faster, until he was practically dragging her with him. "We can't hide here, Dee," he said. "We gotta keep running. Come on baby, you can do it."

"Ricardo, I'm tired! I can't run any more!" She looked around, seeing the Jeep with two men dressed in black on it. "Sh!t!!! They've found us!"

Jorge looked the other way and spotted more people coming running from the other direction. "Oh god. What are we going to do?"

Now she had to take the command, and she dragged him along, feeling the panic written across her face. They were closing in on them. She could hear the footsteps behind them, and a loud bang when Jorge was 'hit'. She stopped, kneeling beside him. "Baby, no! Get up, we gotta keep going."

He looked up on her. "It's no use." A big, red stain was spreading across his leg. "I can't run with this leg. Go. Keep running baby! You can make it!"

"Shut up." Her response was direct, she was furious. "Get up, keep going." She got up to help him to his feet. "Leaving you behind. You must be fcuking kidding me. I love you, and I won't leave y..."

In a series of shots, her blood capsules exploded. It hurt more than she'd expected, and she fell to the ground face first with a groan of pain, remembering to slip the pill into her mouth. At the same time, five men on motorcycles came along, chasing away the bad guys. They all stopped by them, and Jorge gently turned her over, feeling for her pulse. "Dee? Deanna? Answer me baby!" When she showed no reaction he cried out his sorrow on her bloody chest. "Nooooooo!"

"We have to go, Ricardo." The man on the motorcycle spoke for the first time.

He looked up, blood smeared all across his face. "I can't leave her. She died for me. I can't leave her."

"You have to. They're coming back!"

"I don't care. I'd rather die with her than live without her."

"It's too late. She's gone."

Ricardo looked from him to Emily, then back again. A firm shake on his head revealed his decision. He wiped the blood off her face and kissed her lips gently. "I'm staying."

One of the other men turned his head and saw the jeep coming back. "They're coming!"

Without asking again they pulled Jorge up on the back on a motorcycle and drove away. The camera followed them as Jorge looked back, until they disappeared behind a dune.


"Aaaand CUT! Excellent! You're lucky today, we won't need to shoot another time. You guys were awesome!"

Jorge stepped off the motorcycle and gave Emily a hug. "That was awesome sweetie! You did great!"

"I was scared out of my mind."

"I could tell. So was I."

"I thought I was gonna freak out when you got shot."

"Me too! They hurt like hell, don't they?"

"Yeah." She smiled at him. She really loved him, he was a true sweetheart. She knew the press was speculating about a romance between them, but this was nothing like that. First, it would have been impossible, seeing that he was gay, and second, he was such a rare thing as a true friend.

Her smile made him laugh. "You're all red."

"I know." She spat out some of the red fluid. "It tastes like sh!t."

"Sure does. How about a shower and some dinner on the way back home?"

"I'd love that."


When she came home later that night she found AJ sitting on the couch reading a newspaper. He barely looked up when she walked in, making her worries from earlier come back. She leaned against the doorway looking at him, and felt how love bubbled up inside her. She was so scared that he didn't love her anymore, so scared that he'd been out doing stuff he shouldn't have, so scared that he would leave her. Their relationship hadn't been the most stable the last months, but looking at him made her want to erase all that and just start over again. She wanted him. She needed him.

"Hey there stranger," she said softly.

He looked up. "Hey!"

"Guess who died today?"

He furrowed his brows. "You look happy, so my guess is someone you don't like."

She smiled. "No, silly. Me!"

"Oh!" He laughed, a sound she felt like she hadn't heard for months. "How was it?"

"Painful." She walked over to him and sat down next to him. "I'll probably get bruises."

"Poor baby!"

They sat silent for awhile. She wanted to take his hand, but she was afraid he'd push her away. Finally, she opened her mouth, knowing that it was now or never they had to clear the air. She finally had his attention, for the first time since he got home.
"Listen, I... I wanted to talk about this..."

"About what?"

Was she wrong, or was there a defensive tone to his voice? "About us... Alex, I've... I've noticed that you were distant and... I just... I have to know what's up." She had to struggle to find the right words, not wanting to make him mad.

"It's nothing."

"If you've been... cheating on me, please Alex, tell me. I can't take this."

He looked away. "How many times do I have to tell you this? No, I haven't been cheating."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. Look, if you can't trust me..."

"If I can't trust you what?" She was getting mad now, and the anger mixed with a fear bigger than she'd ever felt before.

"If you can't trust me then what's the meaning of all this?"

"Well, you haven't exactly made it easy for me to trust you, have you?" She shook her head and got off the couch.

"I KNOW that, and I've tried to make it up to you a million times. God, Emily, when are you going to be satisfied?"

'When you turn back time and make all this undone,' she thought. But she couldn't say it, knew that she couldn't ask him to. "I'll be satisfied when you show at least some truly felt remorse. You're just Mr. Stone-Cold right now, and you have been ever since you got home from the tour."

"So?" he spat.

She paced back and forth through the living room. "So? Is that all you can say? Do you realize that you haven't told me you love me since you got home? Do you know that you haven't touched me since the last time you were home during the tour? Why, Alex? I wanna know WHY!"

He just looked away.

"I know... I know that we had fallen apart, you know, from the way that we used to be. But this, Alex, is nothing but a heartache. Is it supposed to stay like this?"

"I don't know." He kept looking away, so she couldn't see his eyes.

"Am I some sort of mistake that you're trying to fix now or what?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's the time apart. I honestly don't know."

"The distance shouldn't matter. No matter how far you are, you're still in my heart." She was crying now, tears were rolling down her cheeks. "You've been since we met. You've been my only desire, the one to keep my fire burning, and I thought you felt the same way with me. Are you telling me it's not like that? That you don't want it that way?"

He turned to face her. "What if I am?"

"I don't wanna hear you say this."

"Then I'm leaving now. I'll get my things someday. And I'll get a lawyer to fix all the practical stuff." He met her eyes. "I was truly sorry, you know. I loved you. But I guess it was nothing but a mistake."

Emily remained standing until she heard the front door closing. Then she collapsed on the couch, crying her heart out.

AJ was wandering the rainy streets, not sure of where he was going, or what he was going to do once he got there. He was confused. If someone had asked him just a couple of months ago, he would have answered that Emily was the one for him. He’d seen a future with her. Now all that was gone. In the blink of an eye he’d thrown all that out the window, and into a big fat dumpster. She’d never take him back after what he’d said and done. A thought flew through his head, making him wonder if that hadn’t been his intention in the first place. To just fcuk it up real bad, so that there was no possibility of healing the relationship. Whatever. What was done was done, he’d hurt her, and he was sorry about it, but he had to do it.

Had to do it? Why? He bit his lip as hard as he could, just to get away from the thoughts. He didn’t have to do anything, Goddammit. But he’d wanted to. Even though he hadn’t been physically cheating this time, he had to break it off to keep himself from hurting Emily again. He thought about the two times before, reminisced on how mad she’d been, how badly he’d hurt her. She’d explained to him that it hadn’t been the actual cheating, even though it was bad, that had hurt the most. It was the fact that he’d been keeping it from her, and the second time, lying to her face when she asked. He got chills up his spine. He pulled his army style jacket tighter around him and looked up. A smile spread across his face as he opened the door to MadEye Tattoos, and he greeted the two men in the shop as close friends.

“Greggy, Dave, what’s up?” He shook their hands and gave them each a hug.

“Not much Alex. You? How’s that last one feeling?”

“It’s good. No swelling or anything. I need a new one now though. You got time for me Dave?”

“Sure. What do you want?”

“A name.”

Dave furrowed his brows. “Are you sure? I mean, the last one didn’t end well, did it?”

“It’s different this time. I’m sure.”

“You and Em getting serious?” Dave smiled and winked.

“Actually no. We broke up. And I wasn’t thinking in the ‘Poopy’-directions. I want it subtle. Hidden in something else.”

Dave hid his surprise and nodded as he pulled out a pen and a paper. “Okay. What’s the name?”

“Alanna. A-l-a-n-n-a. Yeah, like that.” He looked over Dave’s shoulder and smiled. “Can you build something around it?”

“Sure. Have a look around for a couple of minutes, I’ve got some new work postered on that wall over there. I’ll have a couple of options ready soon.”

“Cool.” AJ walked over to the wall and studied the pictures. He was astonished at every new tattoo he saw, one more elaborate than the next. His eyes stuck at a picture of a girl’s hip, where a mermaid was resting peacefully, her eyes half closed. It looked so real that he gasped. She could have just opened her eyes and winked at him, and he would barely had been surprised. Her long, dark hair hung silky smooth, and there was something familiar about her face...

“Dave!” His voice cut through the quiet studio.

“Yeah?” He looked up, surprised.

“This picture? The mermaid? Who is she?”

“Oh, that one. I’m really happy with that one. It’s a girl that came in a couple of days ago. I’m done here, come and have a look.”

“Yeah, but I mean, the mermaid?” AJ asked as he walked over.

“It’s the girl herself. I drew it from a photo she brought. And without bragging, it’s actually pretty much identical.”

“I know. It’s her.”

“Who?”

“Alanna.”

“Oh, so you’re dating her or something?”

“Nope, we just met.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” AJ shrugged dismissively. “Let’s have a look at these then.” He looked at the drawings. “I’m not too crazy about this first one. It kinda looks like a dick. But...” The second picture made him smile. “This one is awesome. Subtle. Perfect.” Dave had hid the name in a rose, putting the first two letters in the flower and the rest of them in the stem. It was beautiful.

“So where do you want it? I’d say it’s a chest thing, but we can make it work wherever.”

“I want it on my arm. Here.” He took off his shirt and pointed at a free spot directly under a skull.

“It’ll work. Colors?”

“All black.”


Fifteen minutes later AJ was in a chair enjoying the buzzing from the needle and the peace of mind it brought to him. He sighed and closed his eyes. Dave never took his eyes off the needle, and didn’t bother to ask if AJ was okay. He always was when he was under the needle. His arms and some other parts of his body showed the story of his life, hidden in symbols and pictures that only they knew the meaning behind. Well, that was actually an overstatement. He knew most of them. Only AJ knew them all.


Happy with the bandage on his arm and the hour-long pause from every single thought, AJ walked out of the studio. The rain had stopped and the California sunshine was so bright it hurt his eyes. Reaching in his pocket he found a pair of sunglasses and put them on. He took off his jacket and hung it over his arm as he started walking again. He was homeless now, and had spent last night at an old girlfriend’s house, sleeping on her couch. But she’d wanted sex in return, and he didn’t wanna go there again, knowing they were totally wrong for each other. So he’d spent the night like a prude, all rolled up in blankets so she wouldn’t be able to get to him while he was sleeping. She’d reminded him of a predatory shark, and it had made him sick to his stomach. He wondered what he’d ever seen in her, but didn’t want to think about it. He had to find somewhere to crash. He picked up his cell phone and dialed the first number that came to his mind. Nick. Nick was good. He nodded to himself as he sat down on a bench overlooking the sea and waited for Nick to answer.

“Hello?”

“Nick! What’s up?”

“Not much. Just chillin. You?”

“Yeah, I kinda wanna talk to you about that. Are you at home?”

“Yup.”

“I’m coming over.”

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm. See ya soon!” He hung up before having to answer any more questions and looked around for a cab. Instead of that, he saw something else. Alanna. With... Oh HELL no. A man. A tall, dark man with his arm around her as they walked down the promenade. She looked up at the man with an expression of pure joy on her face, and he laughed and pulled her close, kissing her cheek. They passed right by AJ, but she didn’t see him. He stood there long after she’d passed, just staring blankly at the spot where she’d disappeared behind a corner. When he finally came to his senses again, he remembered Nick, and hailed a cab to go see him.


“What’s up Alex?” Nick asked as he let him in.

“I’m just... I... I need a place to crash for awhile Nick.” AJ walked in and flopped down on the couch.

“You can stay here, of course. The frequent visits from my sixteen girlfriends will probably bother you a bit, but... What’s happened? You and Em had a fight?”

“No... I just... I broke up with her.”

“What? Why?”

“I met this girl, and...”

“It’s hard to say this without sounding judgmental, but Alex, NO!? You cheated on her again? You were so determined not to, and dammit, I liked her, and she had hot friends, dammit, SHE was hot, and she was good for you. Alex, NO!?”

“I didn’t.”

“Wha... Come again?”

“I didn’t cheat on her. I just met this girl, and we were talking, and I don’t know... She messed up my head.”

“What... When?”

“When we were celebrating the end of the tour. She was at that club we went to.”

Nick smiled. “Oh, that’s where I met Daisy. I’m seeing her again tomorrow. I bet she’ll put out.”

“Daisy? Seriously? The one with barely any clothes?”

Nick nodded proudly, not noticing AJ’s mocking tone.

“Good for you, man.” AJ hid a grin.

“Oh, you were saying?” Nick shook his head, as if to clear his head from thoughts of Daisy.

“I was... Well, this Alanna girl... she just messed me up completely. She gave me her number, but I didn’t call. Tried to stop thinking about her, but it didn’t work. I think I need her. So I...”

“So you broke things off with Em?”

AJ nodded.

“That’s probably the wisest thing you’ve ever done, my friend. Finally you’re acting like a grown up.”

“Oh, stop going all Kevin on me, but thanks.”

“Sorry, I just heard how that sounded. But seriously. It was a good thing.” Nick smiled and patted AJ on the shoulder. “So, when are you meeting this Alanna then?”

“That’s the thing. I was at MadEye today, and when I came out...”

“You got another one? The ink on the last one has barely set. Oh no, I’m not going Kevin again! Lemme see!”

AJ rolled up his sleeve and carefully removed the bandage, revealing the rose. It was swollen and red, but the beauty of it was undeniable.

“Gorgeous! So... WAIT!” Nick tilted his head and studied the tattoo more intensely. “You didn’t.”

“I did.” AJ nodded.

“You’re so out of your mind. So, when are you meeting her?”

“I was trying to tell you that I’m not so sure if I will. When I came out of MadEye I saw her. With a... a man.”

“Boyfriend?”

“Seemed like it.” he shrugged.

“Smooth move man... Tatting a girl’s name and then finding out she has a boyfriend.” Nick couldn’t cover up his chuckle, even if he tried.

“Tell me about it. But she flirted with me. I swear to God or Jack Daniel’s or whatever.”

“Maybe it wasn’t her boyfriend then. It could have been a friend, or a brother, or a... Were they kissing, by the way?”

“He kissed her on the cheek, yeah, but... I don’t know. Fcuk this shit, I need to get some sleep. I spent the night at Amita’s, and I got literally no sleep at all, I was so scared she’d molest me.”

Nick sighed. “I’ll never get why you dumped that girl. She was...”

“Insane, yes. And last night reminded me of that, if I’d ever forget it.”

“Oh stop being such a baby... ” When he heard AJ’s sigh, Nick pointed towards the stairs. “You know where the guestroom is. Go sleep. But I still think you should call her.”

“Amita?”

“No, fcuker. Alanna.”

“Yeah... I need a house anyway...” AJ muttered as he walked up the stairs, leaving Nick completely confused.


As he crawled under the covers, he’d never felt more alone. He wanted someone there with him. No. Not someone. Alanna. She couldn’t have a boyfriend. She couldn’t. Then he’d be all alone for no reason at all. And that just wasn’t right. ‘I’m hot. I should have a girlfriend. She should be my girlfriend. She should want me. Show me the fcuking meaning of being fcuking lonely.’ He thought, somewhat erratic, before drifting off to sleep.

 

AJ tossed and turned in the bed, irritably throwing the covers to the floor. The airconditioning was turned on, and he quickly had to get them again, but they were sweaty, cold and too warm at the same time. He tried closing his eyes, but that just made him even more hyper sensitive to every sound in Nick’s house. He heard a car pull up, a door slam out on the driveway, a feminine laugh and soon there were people talking in the house. He looked at the alarm clock. 2:30 am. He sighed. Part of him wanted to go all Kevin on Nick, but he just couldn’t bring himself to get up. This was Nick’s house after all, and he had every right to bring guests home whenever he pleased. Ten minutes passed, and the house grew quiet again. He turned on his side, shuffling the pillows until he felt somewhat comfortable and closed his eyes. What the… Oh hell no. He got up quickly, pulled on a pair of sweats and ran out through french doors to the generous balcony outside.  A screamer? Really, Nickolas? He shook his head with a chuckle and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting one as he slid down onto a bench.

 

He had to do something about this, he concluded as he blew smoke into the night sky. He couldn’t keep living with mr. ”I say I have 16 girlfriends who might disturb you and I ain’t kidding”-Carter. Bless his heart, he had a type. More beauty than brains, the more vulgar the better. The louder and dumber they were, the more happy he seemed. This one seemd to be taking home the prize for loudmouth of the year though. He cringed at the sound that could either be a blonde with enough tits and ass for an entire town climaxing, or someone strangling a cat.

 

To drown out the noise he reached in through the french doors and pulled out his guitar. He spent an hour or two trying to make sense of the lyrics brewing in the back of his head, but was unsuccessful. Alanna was on his mind again, constantly. He was becoming obsessed, and it wasn’t good. Finally he heard the front door open, a giggle and what sounded like a light slap on a butt cheek. A wail, and more giggles ensued as a cab pulled up at the curb. Scooching forward he snuck a peek at the girl as she walked down the driveway. Yeah, he’d been right. A huge curly blonde mane of hair, tiny waist and a ginormous ass, barely covered by a pair of daisy dukes. Legs for days finished with mile high stilettoes. He’d never hear the end of this. Sighing he got to his feet, placed the guitar back in it’s stand and smoked another cigarette before he crawled into bed. This time he actually fell asleep, and woke up with a gasp and his heart pounding when Nick knocked on the door to let him know ”It’s ten am, the sun is shining and we’re going to the studio!” He was gone again before AJ could throw a pillow at his face to shut him up. Still groggy from sleep he got out of bed and into the shower, hoping the steaming hot water would wake him up.

 

Ten minutes later he entered the kitchen where Nick was drinking his coffee while talking on the phone, bouncing a small basketball and reading something on his laptop. ”Mhm. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Maybe. Dunno. Aha. Yup.”

Shaking his head AJ filled the mug that was set out for him and brought it to the table where he plopped down opposite Nick. The sun was shining, a little too bright for his surly mood, and he looked around wishing for some darker colours, something to give his eyes some rest from all the bright white, blue and more white. Sighing as Nick continued his choppy conversation on the phone he got up and walked through the open patio door. The day was warm, he heard waves crashing against sand and could feel the smell of sea. It was a beautiful spot, for sure, but it just wasn’t him. Before he could change his mind he got out his phone and punched in the numbers he’d memorized.

 

”Summers Real Estate, Alanna Whitman.”

”Hey, it’s Alex… AJ. AJ McLean. We met a couple weeks ago, and you said to call if…”

”AJ!? Oh, hi! Wow, I… I can’t believe you’re actually calling me!”

”Well, the thing is, I need a house.”

”Oh, okay! What do you have in mind? Size, style, price range, location?”

”Um… Not too big. 4-5 bedrooms maybe? Cozy, lived in, if you know what I mean?”

”Not a fan of white and brushed steel?”

”No, not exactly. Price is less important. I wanna be close to the beach, but not on it. Close to down town, but a bit secluded.”

”I’ll check around, see what we have to offer.”

”Sweet. Thank you, I appreciate that!” He paused for a heartbeat, with a now-or-never, sinking feeling in his stomach. ”So… How’ve you been?”

”Good, thank you. It took like a week to come down off of the rush of that show!” She laughed. ”You?”

”I’m okay. It’s just… ”

”What?” she asked as he fell silent.

”Nah, nothing. Will you call me if you find anything?” He gave himself a mental facepalm.

”Oh, of course. I’ll make it my priority to find you the perfect house!”

”Thank you!” They said their goodbyes, and as he ended the call he kicked a chair so hard that it fell over, landing almost on Nick’s feet.

 

”O-kay? Now what the hell was that for?”

”Nothing, sorry.” He put the chair back on all four legs, and rounded Nick as he walked back into the kitchen, his toe hurting like a motherfucker. He drained his mug of luke warm coffee in one gigant gulp and looked at Nick. ”Are we going or what?”

”Sure, sure. Damn man, sunshine’s got nothing on your morning brightness.”

”Whatever.”

”So, you’re getting a house?”

”Seems like it.” At Nick’s confused look, he shook his head. ”Sorry. That was Alanna on the phone. She’s a real estate agent, and she’s gonna find me a house.”

 

They walked together out to the car. AJ took the keys and got in behind the wheel.

”So, you finally got your balls back and decided to call her?”

”That’s one way of putting it. Or, one could say that I got sick of spending my nights on the fucking balcony playing the guitar so I don’t have to listen to you fucking your sixteen girlfriends, and decided to get a house. Last night I thought I was gonna blow an eardrum or something. How did you survive, did you wear earplugs?”

Nick laughed. ”I didn’t, and I think you’re lucky, cause you’re talking in my good ear right now. This one,” he said, scratching the other ”has a weird ringing sound to it today. Drowns out everything. I didn’t hear a word mom said on the phone this morning!”

Unable to withstand any longer AJ broke down laughing. ”You’re crazy, bro.”

Nick smiled and shrugged. ”So, you’re seeing her? Alanna?”

”I guess. She’s gonna call when she finds something that fits the bill.” He pulled up outside the studio, got out and locked the car. ”I guess we’ll see.”