Forget The World by Beautiful_Letdown
Summary: This time, he wouldn?t fight it no matter how hard he hated it. He?d let himself sink and suck it in filling his lungs to capacity till they burst, just like his heart.
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: Howie, Other
Genres: Angst, Drama, Romance
Warnings: Violence
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: No Word count: 1923 Read: 1778 Published: 08/04/06 Updated: 08/05/06

1. Chapter 1 by Beautiful_Letdown

2. Part 2 by Beautiful_Letdown

Chapter 1 by Beautiful_Letdown
Author's Notes:
I eat reviews. This story was inspired by two songs. Howie Day's "She Says" and Snow Patrol's "Chasing Cars". If I get lots of food to snack (reviews lol) then I'll continue. Wait a second, I'll continue regardless but it'll make me feel better if I get reviews. On to the real story.
Forget The World
Chapter One

What was the best time of your life?
When I met you.

Her expression was priceless. He could have sworn it was one of bewilderment. But why was she bewildered when he was the one betrayed?
“Howard!” she screamed but in the rush of the city, her voice was lost to the depths, along with his soul.
Such pain, such unbearable pain that engulfed him so strongly and gripped at his heart and tore his insides apart so fiercely he could not even squeeze tears from his eyes even if he said he wanted to cry. He almost couldn’t breath let alone move. He was paralyzed as she rushed to him for seconds. Then his body’s paralyzed state dissolved and he was in bitter agony. The thought crossed his mind that he could hit her but it wasn’t her fault, it was his. It was always his. So he decided, he’d end it. Right then, not quite right there but close to it. He turned and stormed away. She started down the sidewalk as she yelled his name again. He never saw her struggle briefly with him but he did somehow hear the clicks of her heels as she ran down the sidewalk after him.
“Howard!” He felt himself break into a run toward the beach. He felt so stupid, so vulnerable, so bare and naked to the world. It was like everyone was watching him, like everyone knew what was going on and at the same time, no one cared.
“Howard!” she yelled. He hated that name. He was tired of hearing it. He was tired of hearing her. He was tired of the city’s song and the city. He was tired of the ocean and its never-ending site of blueness stretching for miles. He was tired of being out of sync and he was tired of feeling vulnerable. He was tired of feeling childish. He was tired of being nice. He was tired of being him. He was tired of life and she was part of it.
When he climbed on the grey platform he felt that the world watched. A cool breeze had started and it was as if something wanted him to jump. This time, he wouldn’t fight it no matter how hard he hated it. He’d let himself sink and suck it in filling his lungs to capacity till they burst, just like his heart.
He didn’t look back when she screamed his name. He heard her scream when he let himself fall. All he heard was air as he fell to the ocean. He watched it approach quicker than he thought it would and opened his eyes. No matter how mad he was he was scared when he hit the water. He held his breath and wondered if it would hurt when he let go, when he gave up. He wondered briefly if this was what he wanted as he floated down and decided to let go. Decided to give up. He decided that this would be for the best. Not just for him, but for her. She’d feel bad eventually but he figured she’d lean on him and they’d pair well. Of course she could remember how they came together but sure, that’s what partners, lovers were for. To care when you felt bad, to know before you ever spoke, to breathe life into the good parts you thought were dead.
She was absolutely beautiful. A small blue dress that hugged her body that wasn’t perfect. She was a little on the baby fat side but she sucked it in as much as possible to feel skinny. Her red curls were pinned on top of her head that night when she walked in holding the small blue purse that matched her ocean blue dress and fake ring that she had decided added a hint of a finish onto her outfit with red heels that matched her hair and spoke of her personality more than she knew to him.
He felt so silly in his a white ruffled shirt and khakis with black flips flops on.
He gave her a small wave from the door and her smile lit up the elegant restaurant he had insisted they go to promising he would pay because he wouldn’t feel right if he didn’t. She walked over and he quickly pulled the chair out for her smiling enough to give her a peak at his teeth.
Thankyou.
You’re welcome.
You have beautiful eyes,
she laughed, don’t compliment mine back because it’s old now.
That, her weird sense of humor had started off the night and it had ended in the most romantic way to her, to him.
What was the best time of your life? she said as she entwined her fingers from her purse into his leaning against his shoulder sighing softly.
When I met you.
he replied and she stopped. He stopped and looked at her fearing the worst. When he looked in her eyes there were tears as she dropped her purse to the ground. Her hands gently pulled his face to hers and her lips brushed against his. She then leaned her head against his chest in the dark parkway shading the way partly by trees.
Part 2 by Beautiful_Letdown
Part Two

The first person he didn’t want to see was the first person he saw. Red hair hung in her face as he starred silently at her for a moment. She had a grey blanket around her shoulder and her head was in her hand. He could from his view see there wasn’t much attached to him. His eyes starred at her until she flinched and sat up with red eyes. She nearly gasped as she sniffed and gathered her red hair up and pushed it from her face with one quick motion.
“Howard I-I, I’m so sorry. I, Howie I’m so sorry.” She sighed wiping fresh tears from her face, ‘I’ll leave and get the doctor, ‘kay?” she sniffed as she got up and her skirt danced from the swift movement she made toward the door.
“Sarah.” He whispered. She turned and quickly floated back to him remarkably fast considering her current wear of a semi-wet shirt and a wrinkled bohemian skirt falling just below her ankle bone hidden by heels.
“What Howard,” she said softly kneeling near his bed side as he starred into her eyes sleepishly. She wiped tears from her eyes absently sniffing. “I know I’m stupid okay; I’m so stupid and I hurt you so, so bad and I’m so, so so sorry. Damn you can’t believe.” She whispered taking his hand.
“I want to go home.” He said, his voice’s volume rising after he cleared his throat. He coughed violently and she patted his back.
“The doctor wants to talk to you.”
“I need to talk to you.” He said softly. Reality sucked…badly.
“I don’t know-”
“Shut up.” She stopped and starred at him. She’d take his bluntness. She’d be fine with it for now. It was perfectly understandable. “What happened?”
“I, I made Josh get you. I ran in there before I realized I could swim and-“she sobbed loudly standing up, “Damn it you’re stupid! You stupid fuck, I thought I was selfish!” she screamed. “You were so pale…I thought you were dead.” She said the last part softly compared to the fast speaking of the beginning of her dialogue.
“I don’t understand.” He said softly, “Why do people cheat? Why did you cheat?” she starred into his eyes and saw nothing. No sweetness, no heart. No feeling or forgiveness. Nothing and it scared her to death.
“People cheat because they’re stupid.” She said bluntly. “I love you and you know, never mind.”
“I want a real answer Sarah.” He said. She nodded rubbing the left side of her face.
“I don’t know why people cheat. I know why only I cheated on you and, and…it was because…” she paused for several seconds nearly topping a minute before she opened her mouth again. “…there was this emptiness inside. It…I was mad. It’s so stupid, it shouldn’t matter to you why. I cheated, I did it and there’s nothing that can change-”
“I want an answer!” he hissed at her grabbing her arms. It was intended to be rough but he hadn’t yet regained his full strength. “Please…”
She closed her eyes. Oh how beautiful she is. That beautiful blue dress and red curls. They stood there in that park so silently listening to the soft chirping of the nature’s night life.
His grip was released when she opened her eyes and revealed eyes of glass, ready to pour oceans.
“I was jealous okay. I was jealous that you still had a family and it made me mad. Then I saw you talking to your cousin and, and it hurt okay.” She blinked fast to try and make the tears go away. She was tired of crying, she had a headache that was slowly turning into a migraine and she was so frustrated.
“So, you go out and start fucking other people because you’re mad because I have a family?”
“No, it wasn’t like that. It kind of just happened with Joshua, like it happened with you. Like when we kept bumping into each other at Starbucks and stuff. Like randomness. You can’t understand.”
“Than make me understand Sarah because I didn’t try and kill myself for fun.”
“And what thehell does that mean?” She snapped starring at him. She finally began to see something in his eyes. Sadness.
“It means that I don’t want to live anymore. Nothing works out anymore. You know, I thought you were special but I’m sorry because now, you’re just another stranger I thought I knew.”
“Howie, I know sorry is a small word okay. But, we all have problems.”
“Caused by other people.”
“And ourselves too. I admit, me and Joshua was my fault. You weren’t sleeping with him, I was. I know you and I’m sorry.”
“If you knew me,” he hissed, “I didn’t talk to my parents. If you knew me, you’d know that the “cousin” I was talking to was my sister Sarah.”
“Okay, so I don’t know about your personal life.”
“And after my father’s death and mother’s suicide, you’d know how fragile my heart has become.” He said softly. She didn’t know what to say. There was nothing to say because he was right and she was wrong. But then she already knew that and she never like the truth to be shoved in her face if she were right or wrong. She always took it personally. Oh well, just one more tear to paint on her canvas she figured.
“The doctor wants to talk to you.” It was soft and void of much emotion. She just felt like crap and wanted to go home.
“Okay.” He said softly before looking up into her eyes. She could barely maintain his eye contact. “That’s all? That’s all you’re going to say?” he asked and she breathed in deeply closing her eyes.
“What are we?” she asked softly, “Where do we go from here?”
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