Once and for all

I waited for the first time in my life. I heard the girls talking about how it would be and how excited they are to see you. I was excited my self. I never thought I’d wait on this line with those girls. All of my life I made myself believe I would never be standing on this line. Everything was seeming happy to me. Even if I saw some girl crying. I would think she’s crying because of happiness when she’s not. I was happy so I looked at the world with happy eyes. I finally was there.
“One Ticket please” I said
I paid and wanting to jump I placed the ticket in my bag and quickly ran back home. I kissed your big picture on my wall called “Poster” as well. Then, I threw myself on the bed and stared at the ticket for a while. I closed my eyes and pictured how would the concert be. That just made me more excited.

It was the day I’ve always looked forward. I got dresses up and put my hair on a ponytail as always. I checked myself on the mirror for a second then left quickly grabbing my camera on my way out. This is a night I’ve always waited for so I must record it along with keeping it on my mind as a beautiful memory.

The stage was full of people by the time I got there. I’ve had a hard time getting to my seat from the mess that was there. But I finally did it. I was standing and staring at the empty stage. My body was shaking and my heartbeats were randomly making funny sounds to me. A minute after I could feel the sweat on my hands. Suddenly the lights were out. Girls screamed. I didn’t because I was too nervous to scream. Your friends came out one after another. I waited for you. You finally came out as the last one. Now I screamed. I screamed because my dream is coming true now. I screamed because you were in front of me. Right in front of me. You were so close to me. I was in the first seat. You were at the edge of the stage running your hands amazingly and beautifully on your guitar. I was quite for a minute. You were there so close that I can touch you. I smiled back as you smiled at me and the girls next to me and went to the centre and let your soft and beautiful vocals work their way out to the microphone. This was more than fantastic to me. This was more than the best day of my life. I felt weird. I loved you more. I desired you more. Your voice began to fade out as I sailed on my imagination with you.

“Thank you all for being here tonight” your friend stopped me as he said those words from sailing.
I looked at you. You looked at my direction. I didn’t knew if you were looking at me or staring blankly at me with the thoughts of your problems filling your head. I loved you so much that I could know if you were thinking of your problems which I didn’t knew exactly but just few of them. You didn’t look like you were thinking about problems. You looked like you were enjoying your time like I did. I smiled as you stared at me blankly for sure. My smile made you snap out of your thoughts and quickly smile back and goof around on stage with your best friend as always. I laughed on how funny you were. You have always been haven’t you?
“The next song is dedicated to you guys I’m sure you know what I’m talking about” one of your friends said. You looked at me again and pointed at me saying “you”. I didn’t hear you say “you” because of the screaming girls around me. I just read your lips. I smiled as I thought you meant the direction I’m in but you never pointed at other directions.” Why” I didn’t care why. I just enjoyed the song that was dedicated to ME.

The show went on for an hour with you looking at my direction every minute. Did he have anyone here he knew? So he kept smiling at?! I kept thinking as I enjoyed the music and sang along with you and other girls. I kept recording the best night in my life. I kept thinking about your smiles that were in my directions you kept giving and wondered for who. I hated the fact that I was always curious. I kept thinking of what I’d write on the forum when I get back about those smiles.“ he kept smiling my way but I couldn’t know for who?!” was this something I’d write on the forum. I did look around me every time you’d smile and you kept smiling more. It was driving me crazy. My curiosity would kill me one day. I know that for sure.

It was the closing song already. I knew I’m gonna miss that night. I knew I’m gonna feel like I want to go again. I knew I’d be missing those smiles though they weren’t for me. The song ended. I felt bad I never wanted this night to end. I wanted it forever. You all said bye and goodnight to us and left taking my best night with you. I smiled as I turned my camera off and placed it on its bag. I quickly pulled my cell phone and called my best friend and talked about my amazing night. I talked for hours as I rested my back on the edge of the stage and looked at the girls rushing out of the door. I talked about every single thing that happened in that night and told her how your smiles made me wonder.

“those were for you” suddenly I jumped as I heard those words
I quickly turned to see who was behind me. It was YOU. You telling me that something were for me. I hang up and stared at you as I realised the place was totally empty.
“Me?” I asked hardly believing as you nodded “what was for me?!”
“the smiles you’ve been talking about to your friend apparently” you replied so gently with another killing smile of yours
I chuckled in shock…why would he smile at me ? I kept telling myself.
“don’t you wanna go home?” you joked as always
“I’ll sure do…but I lost the track of time when I was talking to her” I couldn’t believe I was talking. I thought I’d be tongue tied whenever you’ll talk to me.
“that happens to me sometimes” letting out a tiny laugh. You smiled again
“why?...umm… did you smile at me all the time?” I finally said after thinking about it for a while
“don’t act stupid…I have work to do gotta go” you said as you grabbed my hand “this is for you and I can trust you”
I nodded as you placed a paper shaped as a rectangular in my hand and quickly left. I quickly threw the paper on my bag and rushed out to get home.


I screamed as I finally read that paper. It was your business card or probably a normal card. I stared at it happily. That was definitely the best day of my life. I couldn’t sleep that night.
“you can trust me” I whispered to the card.
I hugged my pillow as I laid and kept thinking. Does he really like me?. Slowly all of the smiles you smiled at me kept coming to my memory as I watched them again on my camera. A wink which I didn’t notice back then made me smile. Then, I gently closed my camera and closed my eyes. Even when I closed them I could see those smiles. I was sure I was going to see them in my dream too. And I did. It was a beautiful dream.

Before I know it. I was with you in the same place which is not a stage. It was a nice romantic restaurant. It was our “god knows how much” date. I was extremely happy. I was dating YOU. I never could ever dream of that. I loved being with you. I loved being a headline in forums I used to be in and on some magazines and newspapers. I loved being the one you needed the most whenever you were down. I loved everything about you. In the moment when you parked your car in your favourite place “the ocean” I was the happiest girl alive.

You opened the door for me and waited for me to be next to you before closing the door. You closed it as you stared at me with a look of a lover who loved his girl to death. That made me want to cry. You were too perfect at that moment. I sat on the warm sand and let the small waves wet my bare feet as you I buried my head in your arms and stared at the beautifully darkened sky with the moon lightning the place for us. You held me close as I closed my eyes. I had the most wonderful feeling I’ve ever had in my life. Something I never felt with anybody else. Finally you were there to hold me close. You were there to lift me up whenever I’m down. You were there to be the perfect lover for me. You were the thing I needed the most in my life. You were the person I thanked god every night for giving to me. I felt your head hugging mine as you leaned to my ears.” I love you” you whispered in my ears. The heat of your breath made my heart feel safe. Your arms pulled me close as I closed my eyes tight and smiled. I opened my eyes to look at you and tell you how much I love you and how much I’m happy to be with you. Instead of seeing the beautiful ocean and you holding me close. I found myself laying on my bed and the thoughts of you and I racing through my head. I sat up and tried to realise whats going on. Where the hell did you go?. I shook my head a little and thought for a second. Then I realised you were just a beautiful dream which came to me on a sad night to make me feel better. I knew I could not have you. I knew its impossible to have you. But I knew I’d be the perfect fan of yours instead. I’d be the biggest fan ever.