LOVE DON'T COME EASY

"ASHLEE HAYNES.....YOU ARE SO DEAD" AJ screamed as he jumped off the bunk on the tour bus, "GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND APPOLOGISE" he warned, as he slowly approached me, trying his hardest to keep a straight face. "You wouldn't" I nervously replied, "yeah .... I would" he said slowly making his way towards me, 'KEVIN' I screamed running to where Kev, Howie and Brian were watching a basketball game.
"Don't let him hurt me" I whinned with the puppy dog face I knew the guys couldnt resist.
"AJ, Leave Ash alone" Brian said laughing,
"yeah AJ, you heard Bri, leave me alone" I answered sticking my tounge out at him, he rolled his eyes and went straight back to the bunk beds.

"What did you do this time?" Howie asked with a grin, "nothing ..... I.....just .....kinda ...... took a picture of him sleeping" I replied back innocently, my grin getting bigger, "ya know, one of these days that puppy look wont work" Kevin replied with an amuzed look.
"What this one?" I asked pulling the best face I could, and he just laughed, "yeah that one" he replied, I smiled sweetly at them and went back to chatting on Brian's laptop.

Okay, I know ya all probably wondering what's going on and who Ashlee Haynes is. Well I'M Ashlee, ya know the gorgeous baby blond, in the BACKSTREET BOYS, AKA Nick Carter is none other then my cousin. I've know AJ for years, and the rest of BSB are my best friends and big brothers, don't get me wrong, for people who don't know me or AJ they would thinks he WAS my big brother, but the problem lies where since I can remember ive had the BIGGEST crush on J, well by now you could say I was "TOTALLY IN LOVE" with him, but for obvious reasons he doesnt know that, Anyway like I was saying, Carter is my cousin, so when ever we can, I fly up to the USA to go on tour with them. you see we moved from Florida to South Africa, ANYWAY, back to the story

I went into the chat rooms, but there was no-one interesting in the rooms. So I decided to go bug the guys.

*WHEN THE WORLD, LEAVES YOU FEELING BLUE, YOU CANT COUNT ON ME, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU (REACH - S CLUB 7) I sang, as I walked into the back room on the bus. "GO ASHLEE ..... GO ASHLEE ...... GO ... GO.... GO....ASHLEE" B-rock chanted as I danced for the guys. After a while of dancing, I got board,

"Im board" I whinned to Nick,
"you always board" Nick answered emphasizing the word Always
"I wanna do something Nicky" I whined again, but dodged out of the way, as I knew Nick would playfully slap me.
"Go play with AJ" He aswered, taking the nintindo and starting to play.
"EWE" I answered pulling a face at the guys, who burst out laughing.
"Hey .... watch it miss Ash" AJ replied from the other side of the room, I turned to look at him, and playfully stuck my tounge out at him,
"You better watch where you put that" he answered with a grin
"That is just so gross Alex" I answered as I jumped up and walked out of the room, there was nothing more boring that watching the guys play ninetendo

"Where ya going?" Nick asked
"Somewhere" I answered as I flipped my hair and walked out,
"I've missed her" Brian said with a big smile,
"yeah I know" AJ inturrupted
"Tour is always fun and way more intersting when she comes" Nick put it
"She .... has a name, Carter" I shouted from the door, all the guys looked up with surprised looks,
"uh ... really?" Brian asked, a confussed looked passed his face,
"Sorry .... Whats it again?" he asked
"Hardy ... HA ...HA" I replied sarcastically
"Thats what ya get for eve's dropping ... Babe" AJ answered, a smirk on his face.
"ARGGG" I moaned, "Why do I ever agree to come keep you guys company" I complained, while throwing a cushion at AJ,
"Because you love us" Howie answered, as if it were the easiest question ever asked.
"HA, that what you think...." I answered with a smirk on my face,
"Then why do you come?" Kevin asked interested.
"So I can hung out with Marcus, and Rob .... and you thought it was for you guys?Aww that is just so cute" I replied pretending to feel bad for them,
"Sowwy .... but you AINT that good" I replied, ducking the same time at all the pillows that were thrown at me.
"Well next time, get them to pay for you to come with then" AJ answered, pretending to ignore me,
"Awe, is someone jelous" I asked playfully.
"Of you?" he asked playfully "not in a million years babe" he replied with a grin, as he got up and went to his bunk. I just laughed at him, "Glad to know someone loves me" I replied, going to the stero system that was installed on the bus.
"Yeah, your mom loves you" Carter answered, as everyone on the bus packed into laughter, I pulled my famous "puppy dog" face, as Kev started laughing, then anounced he was going to bed. I hugged him good-night and soon everyone else had followed him.

That night I lay in my bunk,. I couldn't sleep, partially because I could never sleep on the bus, but second because I didnt want them to know the real reason why I skipped some school to come on tour with them, it was just too humilating. So I figured I wasnt getting any sleep I might as well just go make myself some Milo.

I sat in the "breakfast" area of the bus, and just starred out side, listening to the song that played softly on the stero, it was a beautiful, clear night that night, there was no clouds in the sky just the stars shining brightly,
"Why are you up so late, don't you need like beauty sleep or something?" AJ asked with a grin as he leaned against the wall, he was wearing Nike sports pants and no shirt, his sexy tattooes displayed for everyone to see. I smiled up at him
"Hey J" I answered, as I got up and made him a cup of Milo,
"You okay?" he asked, his stunning brown eyes, full of concern,
"Yeah, I'm fine, why?" I answered, trying not to look at him,
"you just look ... so ... sad" he whispered staring at me, I handed him, his cup of Milo and sat down again, going back to staring out of the window. I laughed lightly, trying to ease the tenstion that had built up.
"Whats so funny?" he asked with an amuzed grin,
"You worry too much, ya know that?" I asked him, he grinned at me,
"its in the job description, worrying, comes with being a best friend to someone" he told me seriously, and grabbed my hand in his,
"You know you can talk to me and the rest of the guys about anything ... right?" he asked, I smiled up at him and hugged him,
"Yeah I do, I love you" I whispered, he smiled back and whispered the same thing to me, the problem was, I meant in as in more then friends, but I just couldnt tell him.
"AH whats going on here .... having a tea party without me" Brian asked with messed up hair, and the goofiest grin,
"Ya know, I've never met anyone who can have a smile that big, just after waking up" I told him with a laugh as he sat down next to me, and AJ sighed,
"Just go away Bozo the clown, if we needed you, we would call you" AJ joked to Brian,
"How many times do I have to tell you, you not invited to any party that Ash and I are having, thats why they "Secret" tea parties" AJ replied pretending to be annoyed with him, but shooting a wink and grin in my direction, I just sat there giggling at the two, It had been so long since I'd felt this comfortable and Safe, I knew if the guys were with me, nothing or no-one could hurt me.
"Kiss my ass" Brian replied as he gave AJ a dirty but playfull look to show he was just joking, then he threw his arm around my shoulder with a smirk,
"well SHE is MY best friends COUSIN" Brian added with attitude,
"oh yeah, and thats sooo scary, because the whole world is terrified of THE NICK CARTER" AJ answered scarcastically,
"That's good .... everyone should be terrified of me" Nick joked pulling a "macho-man" poses behind AJ, which just caused me to start giggling, and not long after that, I had Nick, Aje and Brian on the floor with laughter. After it had all died down, I cleaned up then announced I was going to get more "beauty sleep" as Aj had so nicely put it.
"night love ya guys" I said as I gave each of them a big hug, and headed back to my bunk.

I lay in my bunk that night and just let the tears fall, I knew I had to tell them, but how could I tell them this, they would freak out so bad, I was so scared, what would they think of me? what if they thought I deserved it? I cried my self to sleep thinking about it.


"No leave me alone, please .... i'm sorry, Just please don't hurt me" I cried, as I tossed and turned, trying to get away from him, I had been having the same nightmares since it happened, I had been terrified to close my eyes lately.

"Ash .... Ash" Kevin said shaking me, "no, please don't hurt me, i'm sorry" I cried, I opened my eyes to see 5 sets of very concerned eyes starring back at me, without even realising it, I grabbed Kevin and clung on to him, "I was so scared" I cried, I felt him wrap his arms tightly around me, "its okay Ash, shhhh" he said soothingly, as he gently rubbed my back, trying to calm me down, I sat their hugging him and crying for about half and hour, before I lay down to try go back to sleep,
"Night Ash" they all said, as they kissed my cheeck goodnight.

~~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~~~

"Ash" Kevin said lightly shaking me,
"We at the hotel" he whispered. I groaned but pushed the blankets off me,
"okay thanks Kev" I replied my eyes still blood-shot from crying a few hours before, I jumped off the bunk and grabbed my clothes before setting off to the bathroom to get ready, When I finally got out of the bathroom and finished getting my bags ready, I could see the concern in AJ's beautiful chocolate brown eyes, and sighed, I knew I was going to have to come up with a good excuse for the night before,

Just then the screaming pulled me out of my day dream, and I realized that we had pulled up outside the hotel, I still couldnt get over how famous the guys had become, I mean come on I've known them basically my whole life, to me they were "just the guys" but to everyone else they were the "Backstreet Boys".

That day the guys had a full schedule so I spent the afternoon at the hotel, after swimming for a few hours I decided to head back up to my room and get ready for dinner, knowing the guys would be back any second. About half and hour later there was a knock on my door,

"Coming" I shouted as I quickly put on a pair of blue bellbottom jeans and a shirt,
"hey" I greeted my cousin,
"hey Ash , you ready to go?" He asked as he walked into my room,
"5 minutes" I said running back into the bathroom to finish my make up and hair,
I walked out of the bathroom about 15 minutes later and we headed down to the lobby, we had decided it was safer to attend the Hotel's resturant, then go somewhere else.

"Uh ... Ash ... you okay" Kevin asked quietly, we had been sitting in silence the whole night, everyone lost in thier own thoughts.
"yeah, I'm fine," I said with as much of a smile as I could,
"it was just a stupid nightmare" I answered,
"So Bri, I hear you got a new girlfriend" I asked him excitedly, hoping the guys would go with me and change the subject, I couldnt stop thinking about the night before, I knew I had to tell them, but not now. It just wasnt the right time.

"yeah, I do" Brian said, his whole face lighting up, at the thought of Leighanne.
"Leigh's amazing Ash, you'll love her, I know you will" he aswered, I smiled, so happy to see Brian like this, i hated it when one of the guys were hurting; It hurt me just as much, after all they were more then just my best friends, They were my hero's, my brothers in simple they were my LIFE.

***The next day***

"ASHLEE" Brian called, knocking the on adjoining door, I opened it and smiled at him,
"yeah" I asked, he grinned at me,
"This is Leighanne, my girlfriend" he introduced proudly, I smiled at her and shook her hand,
"hey, it's so nice to finally meet you" she told me with a grin, I smiled back at her,
"Same here ... Bri hasnt stoped talking about you" I told her, she grinned at me,
"Bri never stops talking period" she answered,
"Hey, I heard that" Brian shouted from the other room, I giggled and knew at that moment, Lieghanne and I were going to become best friends. The guys had a show that night, so Leighanne and I were left on our own for the day, and we had told the guys were would meet them at the arena later that night,

"So Ashlee" Leighanne started, I smiled at her,
"You can call me Ash" I said, we decided to hang out at the hotel that morning and get better aquainted,
"your nicks cousin ... right?" she asked, I smiled at her and nodded my head, we sat and talked for hours, finally it was time to head out, the guys had phoned a few hours before, and asked if we wanted to meet them for lunch,

We went and had lunch with the group,
"What ya girls got planned for this afternoon?" Kevin asked, I looked at Leigh and shrugged my shoulders,
"Haven't got that far" Leigh joked,
"Well, we got the rest of the afternoon off .... wanna go shopping?" AJ asked, I grinned at him, I needed somthing to get my mind off everything.
"Hell yeah; do you even need to ask?" I replied with a grin, we finished lunch then all headed in our own direction,

Leighanne and Brian had decided to spend the afternoon alone together, Kevin and Nick decided to head back to the hotel and Howie, AJ and I hit the nearest mall.

"What about this?" I asked, picking up a hat, and modeling it around the shop,
"ladies and gentleman, Ashlee is modeling this stunning, stylish new Cowgirl hat" AJ said into his invisable microphone, as I walked down the around the shop acting like it was my ramp and I was a model, Howie just started laughing,

"I'm never going out with you two again" he said, as he headed for the door, AJ and I followed him.
"How you doin' Angel face" AJ said with a grin as he threw his arm around my shoulders, I just laughed at him,
"Alex, you've been with me all afternoon, and you only asking me that now?" I asked him with a grin, his face turned serious
"no... I mean 'how are you' " he asked, I saw Howie looking at me to,
"you guys are too much" I said trying to sound happy,
"it was just a stupid nightmare, I can't remember what it was about" I told them, as I headed for the music store in the mall.
Howie and Alex just looked at each other,
"Bro, she's so NOT okay" AJ exclaimed worridly,
"What do you think is wrong?" Howie asked sharing his concern.
"I don't know" AJ said sighing as he and Howie followed they me to Musica.

"What cd ya looking for?" Howie asked me, I grinned at him and shrugged my shoulders,
"Nsync's new CD ..... No strings attached," I told them, looking up to see AJ's reaction, he just laughed, then handed it to me,
"Can we go now?" Howie asked me, I grinned at him,
"sure, just let me pay for this" I told him, AJ grabbed it from my hand,
"nope, I'l pay" he said, pulling out his wallet,
"Alex, I can pay" I said, trying to grab it from his hand, but he lifted it above his head and because he was so much taller then me I couldnt reach,
"Thanks" I told him, after he handed it to me,
"Its a pleasure" he said with a grin, as we walked out of the CD store and into the waiting Limo to take us to the arena.

We walked into the VIP part of the arena about 15 minutes later.

"hey" I greeted everyone as AJ, Howie and I walked into the guys dressing room, with AJ's arm around me, Nick and Brian were playing Nintendo while Kevin was speaking to his girlfriend Kristen on the phone, and Leighanne was surfing the web on Brian's laptop.
"hey Shorty" Brian joked, while Leighanne hit him across the head with a book, I just stood there gigling,
"What was that for?" Brian asked rubbing his head, looking at Leighanne, she just grinned,
"That was rude, don't call my friend shorty" she scoldded playfully,
"Thanks Leigh" I said, then stuck my tounge out at Brian,
"NICK" Brian shouted as he turned back to the tv, only too see the game finished and a grinning Nick sitting next to him,
"sorry dude, you lost" Nick told him with a smile, as Brian started chasing him around the dressing room.

I sat down next to Leighanne and we laughed at the two backstreet Boys,
"Okay guys, calm down, you got to get ready" Denise said from the door, the five guys walked out and left Leighanne and I to occupy ourselves.
"So what did you three do this afternoon?" Leigh asked me, I grinned and pulled the Nsync Cd out of my bag,
"Look what AJ bought me" I told her then handed the cd to Leigh,
"Wow ... nsync he must really like you" she joked, I couldn't hold the grin,
"oh my gosh, you like him; don't you" Leighanne asked me shocked, but luckily I didnt have time to answer her,
"Hey ladies" we heard a voice behind us, I turned around to find BJ and Jane standing there.
"Aunt Jane, Beej" I squealed as I run up to them and hugged them.
"I'm missed you guys so much" I told them, then looked at BJ.
"Well you stay here, i'm going to find your brother" Jane said then headed off in the direction on make up.
"Hey Leigh" BJ squealed then hugged the older woman.
"So ...." Leigh started starring at me,
"do you like him?" she asked, her whole face lighting up, I just grinned and nodded my head,
"Who?" BJ asked confused,
"AJ" I whispered excitedly, she just stood there with a shocked expression on her face,
"Who do you like?" AJ asked from the door, all of us just looked at each other, as I gave them a pleading look not to tell him, they just grinned,
"Oh, so you don't give me a hug anymore" BJ asked pretending to be sad,