As he knelt down upon the bare ground, Alex placed his hand upon the soft, soiled earth, closing his eyes for a brief moment to collect his thoughts, but more yet, to compose himself. A few tears escaped his eyes, spilling over the rims despite his attempts to keep them hidden from the world.

“What have I done.” He murmured to himself, opening his eyes to gaze upon the tombstone to which what had been his girlfriend was buried beneath for the first time.

Aimee Nash, date of birth March 19, 1978, date of death, December 3, 2006. She’d died so young, taking her own life at the age of twenty-eight. Despite what others told him, Alex still held himself responsible for what had happened. It was no coincidence that her roommate had found her lying in the bathtub with her wrists slit, sitting in a pool of thick red, the night after they’d had an enormous fight. He remembered it all so clearly as if it were just yesterday, instead of nearly four months ago…

“Aimee…we need to talk…”

Aimee looked up at him with her bright blue eyes, blonde spiraling curls surrounding her face giving her a look of pure innocence. She smiled, but it faded when she saw the seriousness within his own face. Closing the file of papers she’d been working on, Aimee put her pen down, giving Alex her full attentions.

‘Is everything okay?” she asked him.

He hesitated for a moment too long, telling her that everything was in fact not okay. With a heart racing in anticipation, Aimee swallowed hard, her mind conjuring up the worst possible scenarios. As Alex took her hand in his, sitting down to look stare in to her eyes at the same level, she knew that this was no joke.

“Aimes,” he spoke quietly, “I…I’m going to…I have to leave for a little while.” He began, wincing at how his words had come out.

“Leave?” she whispered, her eyes widening, “Why?”

“I…I’ve been drafted in to the army…I have to go overseas for a few months.”

“NO!” Aimee burst, not giving Alex much chance to continue, “You can’t. We’re engaged to me married.” Her eyes filled with tears of fear, sadness, betrayal.

“I have to, baby,” Alex soothed, “I don’t want to go, either…but I don’t have a choice.”

Aimee pulled away from him, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. He could tell that she was shaking, reaching out to bring her in to his arms. She shrunk back though, letting it be known that she didn’t want him anywhere near her at the moment. procrastinated until nearly the last minute to tell her until…

“When do you leave?” Aimee looked back up at him.

‘Three days.” Alex told her honestly, deciding to just say it up front.

“Three days?” Aimee yelled, standing up quickly, “You waited until you had three lousy, fucking days to tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Aimes…” Alex said softly, “I…I didn’t know how to tell you.” He looked up at her meekly with sad brown eyes that were begging for forgiveness.

“I can’t look at you right now.” Aimee stated, breaking AJ’s heart when she turned away completely.

“Aimes…please, don’t.”

“NO!” she cried out, “I am not going to fucking wait here for a phone call telling me that you were killed. I refuse to.”

Tears were streaming down her sullen, thin face. Her makeup smeared thickly around her eyes, large streaks running through her rosy blush. Her arms were crossed over her even more tightly than before, her body shaking fiercely with fury, fear. She avoided looking at him because it hurt her too much, breaking her heart in to a million pieces.

“Nothing is going to happen.” Alex said gently.

“You don’t know that!” she sniffled.

Alex sighed, getting annoyed. As much as he tried to keep the irritation out of his voice though, he knew that hints of it crept in to his tone, “It’s not like I have a choice. God damnit, if I could say no, I would. For Christ sake though, if I try to hide, I’ll be in so much trouble with the government.”

“Then go,” Aimee spat, ‘But don’t expect me to wait for you.”

Alex froze at that, swallowing hard the lump that had formed in his throat, “What are you saying?”

“That when you leave, you’ll be leaving single.”

That had been the last time that he’d seen Aimee alive. He never did end up in Iraq, fighting for his country. The night of the fight, after Aimee’s last words before walking away and slamming a door in his face, he’d left too. The speeds his car had reached, Alex hadn’t thought possible. Everything passed by in a blur, his mind foggy on things he couldn’t even recall now. Before he had enough time to react though, an animal had run out in to the road. Slamming on his breaks to stop hadn’t been enough. Even with his slowed speed, hitting the gravel patch hadn’t done much as he found himself spinning out of control. After hitting a tree, his life had changed.

He’d spent the night in the hospital because of the accident. Despite how serious it had been, he’d managed to get away with just a severely injured leg, which had been smashed beneath hundreds of pounds of steel. After several surgeries, repairing torn tendons and ligaments on top of having to get two metal plates and just over a dozen nuts and bolts to hold his shattered bones back in to place to heal properly.

Looking down at his leg, Alex took in a ragged breath. There was a scar nearly a foot long running up the outer side of his leg. The cast was off now, which he’d had to wear for over two months. He had to walk with crutches. The army wouldn’t allow him to leave after the injury. Even after his leg fully healed, he knew he would never have to worry about being drafted again due to the metal within him. It had already been too late for Aimee to hear of the news though.

“Where were your guardian angels, Aimes?” Alex whispered, wondering where they had been when she’d decided to slit her wrists. He wondered why they hadn’t protected her. When it came down to it, there were only two answers, one solution. Either there was no such thing, or it had just been her time to go. Alex wanted to believe the second, because if it were the first, there was really no hope for anybody.

Looking down at the headstone, he noticed that hers was the only one that was pretty much bare. There were no flowers to draw attention to or make her site look nice. It was simply there, hidden in between everybody else’s loved ones. Apparently, leaving flowers would be like condoning that what she’d done was alright. Or maybe it was because the pain of her actions was still fresh in the minds of everybody. Alex, for one, was guilty too of not brining anything to her. In fact, he hadn’t even shown up for the funeral due to being in the hospital. He was almost positive though, that either way, he wouldn’t have gone. He would have changed so much if he could just turn back time…

Opening his mouth to speak, Alex felt asphyxiated on his words, choking up once more. Every time he tried to say what he felt, it was as if he couldn’t breathe at all. If words came out at all, it was hardly enough to get across all that he wanted to say. He wanted to speak whatever was on his mind, but couldn’t seem to. He wanted to smile at the memories of when things had been great between them, but was too weak to crack even the slightest one. It all hurt him so much. Aimee’s untimely death had killed him too, on the inside.

“I still love you,” he choked out, kneeling down as he buried his face in his hands, back hunched over as his body trembled, “How am I supposed to let go and move on when I don’t understand?”

A cool wind blew as a few raindrops fell from the sky and splashed upon his bare arms. He shivered and looked up, blinking a few times just as the skies opened and a downpour of rain fell upon him, soaking him to the core, the heavens sobbing along with him, sympathizing for what seemed to be the first time. Alex, however, still felt so alone to deal with the aching suffering without anyone to turn to. What had seemed so right only months before, had proved to be, this time, imperfect.