As she knelt down upon the bare ground, Julie placed her hand on the soft, soiled earth, closing her eyes for a brief moment to collect her thoughts. But even more so, to compose herself. Several tears escaped from her ocean blue eyes and cascaded softly down her cheeks, but she made no attempt to brush them away. She was ashamed of what she had done, of what had happened, and despite how much she wanted to, she couldn't turn back time. She didn't want to admit that this was what fate had in store for her, and she didn't want to think about where her life was heading now that she was alone. The wind picked up momentarily, and the leaves around her flew into the air, creating a tornado like shape while the sun was temporarily blocked by a passing cloud. Maybe that was all this was. A road block in her life. But how could she move on with him gone? It seemed impossible to her.

She leaned forward, tucking her arms under her knees, and began to slowly rock back and forth. This is what she always did when she was having trouble coping with something. She stayed like that for several minutes, too afraid to face what was before her. Sighing faintly, she closed her eyes and thought back to a time when the two of them had been happy together. There were hundreds of those moments, and only one filled with pain and devastation. She tried to concentrate on the good memories, but the horrid and tragic one kept pushing itself into the center of her mind. Before she could stop herself, she allowed herself to think about what had happened, and suddenly everything was replaying and it was too late to go back now.

"Julie, can I talk to you?" A deep voice asked from the doorway, causing her to lose her concentration on the stack of paperwork she had been going over for the last twenty minutes. She looked up, and saw her fiancé standing there with a somewhat strangled expression on his face. The smile that had brightly lit her face only moments before instantly fell, and she nodded hesitantly, concern washing over her.

"What is it, Jason?" She asked, reaching to clear a pile of papers from the seat next to her, and motioning for him to sit down. He sighed warily, and crossed the room with defiant strides. He hesitated slightly before sitting down next to her, shook his head, and stood up again.

"I-I have some bad news." He replied, beginning to pace back and forth, too nervous and afraid to watch her reaction.

"What do you mean, darling? Bad news about what?" Julie asked in confusion, watching him closely. She had a feeling that whatever he was going to say next was going change things between them, but she had no idea how.

Jason opened his mouth to speak, realized he didn't know what to say, and shut it. He could sense rather than see Julie peering at him intently, beginning to rock back and forth. She only did that when she couldn't handle whatever was going on. Right now, it was probably his silence and the tension in the room.

"Is everything okay?" Julie cautiously asked, her voice shaking slightly. She didn't know what to expect.

He paused for a moment too long, letting her know that everything was, in fact, not okay. Her heart started racing in anticipation, and she swallowed hard, letting her mind conjure up the worst case scenarios. Everything flashed through her mind from him calling off the wedding, to him being in love with another woman. Her thoughts were interrupted when Jason began to speak.

"I-I have to leave for awhile. I'm not really sure for how long, or when I'll be back." He stated, deciding that getting straight to the point would probably be best.

"What are you talking about?" Julie questioned, staring at him in mild disbelief. "Where do you have to go?" Jason winced at the tone in her voice, knowing that his next words would more than likely tear her apart.

"I'm sorry, Jules. It's just.. I've been drafted into the army. I-I have to go overseas for a few months." He answered honestly, tears filling his brown eyes when he saw the mixture of panic and hurt on her pretty face. She stared at him in shock for several seconds before bursting into tears. Jason rushed to her side, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her until her sobs had subsided.

"When do you leave?" Julie whispered quietly, resting her head on his chest in silent defeat. She hoped they would at least be able to get married and start their life together before the chance was taken away from them. She didn't know what was going to happen to him once he was overseas, and she didn't know what was going to happen to them either. All she knew was that she couldn't bear the thought of them being apart for so long. Jason was quiet for awhile, wondering what to tell her. If he was honest with her he knew it would probably cause her to become angry and resentful, and he didn't want to see her that way. But he also couldn't live with himself if he lied.

"In a week." He replied, bracing himself against the blows he was sure were going to follow. And sure enough, Julie's body stiffened, and she pulled away from him, standing to her feet.

"You've got to be kidding me!" She yelled, turning around to face him angrily. He opened his mouth to protest, to agree, to say something, but she beat him to it. "There is no way this is actually happening. You're lying. You're lying to me! They always give those draft letters to you months before it's time to leave. You couldn't have known for so long and not have even mentioned it to me." Julie yelled, tears of betrayal and mistrust filling her eyes and flowing steadily down her pale cheeks. Jason stood up and made a move towards her to comfort her, but she pushed him away.

"Don't you dare try and make everything alright, Jason McCoy. Nothing you do or say will ever make up for this." She screamed, chucking a pillow at him. He dodged it, and looked at her with a pleading look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jules. I didn't know how to tell you!" He defended meekly, his brown eyes a pathetic portrait begging for forgiveness.

She shook her head angrily, and rolled her ice blue eyes. "I don't care, Jason. I really don't. I'm not going to waste my time waiting around here for a phone call informing me that you were killed over there. I'm not!" She answered defiantly, turning away from him. The room was quiet with a harsh silence.

"What are you saying, Jules?" Jason asked softly, swallowing a lump that was forming in his throat.

"I'm saying its over, Jason. I can't do this." She replied, her voice cracking.

"Jules, come on. This is us we're talking about. We can do this. We can make it through anything. I promise you that much. And nothing is going to happen to me. I'll mak-"

"You can't guarentee that, Jason!" Julie interrupted, shoving the truth in front of his face. "There's nothing you can do to make sure of that, so don't even bother trying." Tears were streaming down her face, and her shoulders were raking with sobs, but she held her ground. The man she loved was flying who-knows-where in a week and he was trying to convince her that everything was going to be okay? He could be severely injured, or killed, and they might never see each other again. She couldn't live with that gnawing sensation constantly reminding her that the most important person in her life might never return home again and that at any moment she could receive that death phone call.

"Julie, what do you expect me to do? I can't just decide not to go. If I had a choice, you know I would stay here with you. Do you really think I want to postpone the wedding and miss seeing your beautiful face every day? I love you, Jules, and there is nothing in the world I want more than to be here with you. But I can't right now. Please, try and understand that." He noticed the way Julies shoulders fell limp, and he heard her let out a small sigh. He knew she was thinking it over, and he hoped she could find it in herself to forgive him. He hadn't meant to cause her any harm, and the last thing he would ever want to do would be to hurt her. He could only hope she understood that.

"Jason, I-" She started, stopping herself, trying to collect her thoughts. "I can't go through this. I love you, but I can't deal with the fact that you might never be coming back." Her tone was no longer angry and upset, now it was just sad and full of sorrow. Jason sighed painfully, and sat down on one end of the couch. He placed his head in his hands, and let the tears flow freely. There was no stopping them. The girl he loved more than anything else in the world was telling him that it was over, and now he was left to defend his country with a broken heart. He didn't know how he was going to survive.

Julie sighed, and crossed the room, sitting down next to him. "Jason, listen to me." She ordered softly, turning to look at him. He glanced up at her through bloodshot eyes, and calmly wiped the rest of his tears away. Crying wasn't going to solve anything.

"You mean the world to me, and I love you with everything I am. But if you feel that risking your life for your country is the right thing to do, then go ahead and do it. Go overseas and fight for me. I'm not going to stop you, and I'm not going to argue. You do what you feel is right." She spoke in a whisper, her voice shaking slightly. It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, telling the man she loved to go ahead and leave her. But there didn't seem to be any other options.

Jason was quiet for awhile, and then slowly nodded. "Okay, babe." He whispered, looking her directly in the eye, wanting to let her know that he meant everything he said. "You mean the world to me too, and I don't want to lose you, but I know I have to do this. It's the right thing to do, even though I am taking a big risk. I just hope you'll still be here when I get back."

Julie nodded, and gave him a weak smile. She was tired of arguing and she didn't know how they were going to make it through this, but she knew they had to try. She couldn't give up on him now. "Fine, I'll be here when you get back. I promise." Jason smiled and wrapped his arms around her protectively, and they stayed like that for the rest of the night.

That was the last time Julie had seen, or heard, from him. When he left that night, she figured everything would be alright. She thought he would go directly home, get a good night's sleep, and come see her in the morning. But things didn't work out that way. If she would have been paying attention, she would have seen the storm clouds overhead. She would have noticed how windy it was getting, and she would have realized that Jason was going to take the fastest way home.

Apparently he had taken the route that cuts through the cliffs on the edge of town. He never made it home that night. His Mercedes was found the next morning, at the bottom of the steepest cliff. His bruised and mangled body was found inside, and she had received a phone call around ten that morning informing her that her fiancé was found dead. She was called into questioning by the police that afternoon, but they released her shortly after. They couldn't hold her responsible for the accident, even though Jason had been partially stressed when leaving her house the night before. She had told them about the argument, and confessed that she had been angry. But they didn't have enough evidence to place the blame on her.

"Where were your guardian angels, Jason?" Julie whispered now, opening her eyes and glancing down at the headstone. She wondered why they hadn't protected him that night. She decided that there were two answers, and one solution. Either they didn't exist, or it had just been his time to leave. She wanted desperately to believe the second, even though the thought of his death broke her heart into a million pieces. She honestly didn't know how she was going to move on through life without him by her side, but she knew that she had to. There was no other choice this time.

She lifted her trembling fingers and traced the inscription on the stone, slowly whispering the words to herself. "Jason McCoy, loving son and fiancé. Born January 19th, 1979--Died May 29th, 2006." A tear trickled down Julie's cheek, and she let out a deep, ragged breath. It wasn't fair that his life had been taken away from him when he had so much ahead of him. She noticed that his gravestone was the only one around that didn't have any flowers decorating the base of it. She suddenly felt guilty for not bringing any.

"I-I'm so sorry, Jason." She whispered faintly, hoping that wherever he was right now, he could hear her confessions. "You didn't deserve this, any of this." She stated, her vision blurring because of the amount of tears that were forming. She opened her mouth to speak once more, but she couldn't get the words out. A wave of sobs overcame her instead, and she laid down on the soft earth next to where his casket must be, six feet underneath her. She stayed like that for several minutes until the sobs subsided, and she let out another sigh.

"I had no idea this was going to be so hard." She mumbled, looking around as if hoping to see him walking towards her. She closed her eyes and fought back the tears, drawing in a sharp breath. She opened her eyes and looked towards the sky. "I still love you." She managed to choke out, kneeling down as she buried her face in her hands. "How am I supposed to move on when I don't want to let you go? I need you, Jason. I'm always going to love you, no matter what. I promise you'll always be in my heart." She whispered faintly, starting the steady rocking back and forth again.

A cold breeze blew gently as a few raindrops fell from the sky, mixing in with her tears and splashing down upon her bare arms. She shivered and looked up, just as the skies opened and a downpour began, soaking her to the core. The heavens were sobbing along with her, sympathizing over the loss of her loved one. Despite this, she still felt completely alone with no sense of direction on where she should go or what she should do. Her heart was aching, and she felt numb inside. What had seemed so promising only weeks before, had turned into something fatal.