Nick Carter loves Shelby Washington more than anything else in the whole world.

She stared at the inscription on the inside of the thick silver band and saw him in her mind’s eye. Not the twenty-something year old he was now, but the twelve-year-old he’d been when he’d given the bracelet to her. He’d saved up all of his allowance during the summer between sixth and seventh grade and had proudly bestowed it upon her for her twelfth birthday. He’d been her best friend, her closest confidant, and the love of her life. Then.

Now, Nick Carter and Shelby Washington were years and miles apart in every possible way. The spring after he’d given her the bracelet, he’d become part of a singing group. Within months, he’d pulled out of school and, though he’d promised to call and write letters to her, she’d seen him twice after he’d joined the band. The Backstreet Boys, Shelby remembered. She hadn’t been able to listen to any of their music, and, even when Nick’s face was joined by the four other men’s on every possible magazine, newspaper, television show, posters, and Valentine’s Day cards, she’d been unable to look at it. Why torture herself with memories of a happy, carefree childhood with him when he obviously couldn’t care less?

Brushing her dark bangs out of her eyes, Shelby placed the bracelet back in the box. She wasn’t sure why she’d felt the need to pull it out today, but she had. She hadn’t seen all of the memoirs, pictures, and drawings that she’d saved of Nick’s for years. Not since she’d placed them all in a cardboard box and pushed them into the back of the closet of the first home she’d leased after graduating from college. The glint of the silver bracelet contrasted with the gold of the band on her left hand, and she sighed.

Of course. Of course, that was why. Nick Carter would forever be embedded into her heart, no matter how far she ran nor where she went. While he hadn’t thought of her in years, she’d only recently believed that she’d exorcised him from her heart. Obviously, that was a lie.

She’d believed that she was over him when her boyfriend, now fiancé, had slid the engagement ring onto her finger. But she’d been wrong.

Instead of immediately answering with a “yes,” she’d hesitated. True, she’d seen the signs that Logan would propose, but she’d still been shocked. Not by the proposal, no. She’d been stunned that, when Logan had gotten on one knee and asked her to marry him, she’d looked into his face at the nerves behind the smile and seen Nick. She’d blinked, and the image had vanished. And, hoping she was doing the right thing, she’d accepted Logan and the ring he’d eagerly put on her finger.

The same ring that now seemed like nothing compared to the faded silver bracelet she’d once received.

Shoving the box into her closet again, Shelby stood and brushed her hands off. Nick Carter hadn’t been a part of her life for years, and it was going to stay that way. She’d heard that he bounced back and forth between Tampa and Los Angeles often, but she’d made sure to avoid the places that she assumed a young pop star would frequent. So far, it seemed to be working.

His show had been the buzz at countless parties she’d gone to where people she’d known for years would gossip about it. She’d heard about the miserable state that the family had fallen into, and it had hurt her to hear the tales. She’d always enjoyed Leslie and BJ’s company despite the fact that they were a few years younger than her. Angel had been, well, an angel in all the years that Shelby had known the Carters, and she liked to pretend that Aaron was the younger brother she’d never had. Being an only child, Shelby had found her family amidst the Carters. To hear about the disrepair and depths they’d sunk to was horrible, and she’d tuned the words out.

Sighing, she moved around the small townhouse she’d considered home for three years. She’d taken the day off from work at the antiques shop that she owned with her best friend. Wanting to get a start on planning for her wedding nine months from now and needing a day off, she had planned out her whole day. And then she’d seen the box shoved in her closet and had been unable to resist the urge to dig it, and the memories it contained, out.

But Nick Carter was in the past, Shelby reminded herself. And in the past is where he’d stay.

Ruthlessly, she pushed every thought of him into the back of her mind and locked the door to it tightly. She had a wedding, a life, a future to plan. And she was getting started on it. Now.

Two hours later, she sipped from a glass of iced tea and sifted through the lists she’d drawn up of possible churches, caterers, and florists for her wedding. Her first order of business, though, was certainly going to be her dress. She’d dreamt of it since she was five, and she was going to find the perfect one to fulfill those dreams. The happiest day of her life was going to be the best she could make it.

The ringing of the doorbell had her frowning, and she set her lists aside to walk to the door. One peek through the side window had her fumbling with the lock, her heart racing, as she yanked open the door.

“Nick.”

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you

He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing there. Once he’d made the decision to find her, he’d done it without hesitating or giving himself the time to talk himself out of it. He’d only been in Tampa for a day before he’d made the decision to find her. True, he’d been in and out of the city for the last fourteen years, but he’d never felt so compelled to seek her out before. Now, it had been an urgency that had beat in his pulse.

On the first day of this trip out to Tampa, he’d followed impulse and driven past the elementary and middle schools he’d attended. Staring at the playground and the brick buildings teeming with children, he’d practically seen himself there. And with him, he’d seen Shelby.

Since then, he’d called up every last person he could think of that may have had her number or address. She hadn’t been in the phone book, and he’d finally found her whereabouts through her business partner. He’d practically blazed a path to her door. Now that he was here, though, he hadn’t a clue what to do about it.

Shelby stood, looking nearly as stunned to see him as he was to see her. Her dark hair had grown from the short bob she’d always kept it in when they’d been younger. It curled past her shoulders and a fringe of bangs framed the deep brown eyes that studied him with surprise, wonder, and curiosity. Her skin was still the same cream and roses that he’d remembered it had been. All she’d said since her door had opened was his name. Nick. That was it, and yet it brought back a rush of memories.

“Shelby.” He found his voice and managed a smile. “Hi.”

She seemed to snap out of her daze, too. “It’s been a while, Carter.”

“It has. Aren’t you gonna invite me in?”

“Sure. Come on in.” She held the door open, and he stepped into the house, taking in its every detail with hungry eyes.

After several moments, he turned back to her and smiled. “You have no idea how good it is to see you. You’ve grown up on me, Shel.”

“So have you,” she replied. Her lips curved a fraction as her eyes continued to examine his face. “It’s been quite a while. How did you find me?”

He shrugged. “Your partner at the antiques shop told me your address. It’s a great shop.”

“Thanks.” And silence settled between them, each too nervous and at a loss for words.

“Shelby-”

“Nick-”

They both began at the same time and muffled identical chuckles before Nick urged her to go first. She shook her head. “No, you go first.”

“Uh-uh. You first.”

They stared at each other for a moment, and, when the stubborn look, that she’d once known so well, settled on his features, she had to resist the urge to cry. Partly out of joy, partly out of regret for the years they’d lost. Before she knew it, his arms were wrapped around her in a fierce hug, and she buried her face in the curve of his neck.

“Damn you, Nick. You never called, never wrote. You broke every promise, and, now, here you are. You’re thirteen years late.”

He tilted her face up to see her eyes. “That’s a dirty lie about me not writing. I sent you our first album. Remember?”

She did. “I never opened it.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because it would mean that I’d really lost you. That you were never coming back home.” Shelby stepped out of his arms and gestured to a couch. “Why don’t we sit? Do you want anything to drink?”

Nick shook his head. “No. Just you.” Sincerity shone true in his blue gaze. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” she murmured and, unconsciously sliding Logan’s ring off her finger and into her pocket, settled next to him on the sofa.

***

They were still there nearly four hours later. Having talked about everything from his experiences with the group, traveling, and the people he’d met and her college experiences and the trials of opening a business of her own, they were nearly out of things to say. His family hadn’t been brought up, and she hadn’t wanted to pry. His hurts were his own, until he felt the need to open up, Shelby had decided. But they were nearly out of words.

Nick wasn’t even sure that he wanted to say any more. He couldn’t help but wonder at how wonderful she’d grown up to be. He’d experienced his first bout of puppy love with Shelby and once imagined that, once they were old enough, he’d marry her. Obviously, that hadn’t worked out, and the dream had been left by the wayside as so many other things had been in his career. But he was sitting in her living room now, and he couldn’t help but remember why he’d loved her before.

He’d met, and slept with, his fair share of women in the last decade and a half. They’d been beautiful and tempting, and he’d given in to that temptation. He’d even believed himself in love with some of them. There had been Mandy, then Tiffany, and, later, Paris. Between them all, there had been countless other women, whose names and faces had blurred together. Yet, after all of those experiences, Shelby Washington all grown up still held more appeal than the rest put together.

And he was thinking too much, too fast. He’d just found her not even six hours ago and had barely given her a thought in the past ten years. He would be fooling himself if he thought that any line he could try out would work on Shelby. Besides, he wanted to regain her friendship. First, anyway.

“Let’s go out for dinner, Shel.” The words popped out before he’d even really processed the thought. “You’re not busy, right?”

Shelby shot him a look of surprise before shaking her head. “No. No, I’m not busy. Are you in town long?”

“I’m going back in a few days. I want to spend time with you, Shelby. I know we’re not the same people we were thirteen years ago, but I want to try to be your friend again. I really have missed you,” he said sincerely, and she believed him.

The smile on her lips matched the one that lit her eyes. “I’d like that, too. Let’s start with dinner tonight and see what happens after that.”

“Deal.”

***

He walked her to her door after a fabulous dinner followed by a stroll along the beach. With a great deal of luck, there had been no squealing fans to recognize Nick, so they’d had a peaceful evening catching up. In fact, Nick thought, the whole day had been pleasant and peaceful. Being around her had always given him great measures of peace. It was as though her personality sucked all the negativity out of his mind and mood.

“This was a great idea, Nick.” Shelby stuck her key in the lock before turning to face him under the glow of her porch light. “It was really good being able to see you and talk to you again.”

He grinned. “It sort of felt like all that time didn’t really pass. I always loved hanging around with you.”

“Same goes, Carter.” But the breath clogged in her throat when he took a step closer, his eyes intent on hers. “Nick?”

Reaching out, he curled a lock of dark hair around his fingers and tugged lightly. “All day, Shelby, I’ve been trying to figure out what it is that’s been pulling at me about you. I’ve met a million women, since I last saw you. None of them hold up to you, though.”

“Nick.” His name was a barely audible whisper now. She didn’t hear it over her pounding heartbeat.

“You’ve got this grace and dignity around you, and it’s…What’s the word? Enchanting,” he decided after a moment. “There’s not too much dignity among the blonde bimbos in Hollywood.”

She needed to find her voice, Shelby resolved. She needed to find her voice and put a stop to this. “From what I hear, you enjoy those blonde bimbos.”

She didn’t have to see his face to know that there was hurt shading his eyes. It came through in his voice. “You’re absolutely right. I could deny it, but what would be the point?” There was a small sigh. “I guess I’ve been an idiot all this time.”

“Why?” Shelby couldn’t quite meet his eyes.

Nick tipped up her chin to see her eyes. “I wasted valuable time with shallow, brainless women when I could’ve been here. Doing this.”

And his lips met hers in a soft, dreamy kiss.

You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she’s in question
Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

He was still thinking about her as he sat in a recording studio two weeks later. It had been hard to not think about her. Whenever his mind had a little down time, it would invariably drift to thoughts of Shelby. He found himself wondering what she was up to, if she was thinking of him, too.

After the kiss, she hadn’t invited him in, and he found he’d have been disappointed if she had. Shelby was special and different, so different, from the women in his past. He had a richer, truer history with her, no matter how distant, than he’d had with anyone else. Their relationship had always been innocent. They’d been two lonely kids who’d decided to stick together. She’d always been the smart one and had tutored him in nearly everything. He had to admit it was because of her that he’d even made it to middle school.

Shelby Washington had made a hell of a difference in Nick Carter’s life, and he wondered how he could’ve forgotten her at all.

“You look like you’re thinking deep thoughts.” Brian settled into a chair next to him at the soundboard as AJ and Howie stood in the booth and harmonized on a verse of a new song.

Nick toyed with the bass and dimmed the level of AJ’s voice to let Howie’s play through. “What do you think of that sound?”

“Better. I’m glad we’re using your song.” Brian shifted his gaze from the two men behind the glass to his youngest bandmate. “So, what were you thinking about? And don’t tell me the song because I know you well enough to know you’d be lying.”

Nick leaned back and sighed. “I found an old friend of mine when I went back to Tampa a couple weeks ago. Shelby Washington.”

“Shelby, Shelby. I remember,” Brian replied. “You talked about her all the time way back when. At the very beginning. I remember teasing you about your puppy love. How’s she doing?”

Nick lifted a shoulder in response. “She’s good. Got a shop full of antiques and a cute little house. She grew up real well.”

The tone made Brian’s brows rise. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Nick sighed appreciatively as he brought to mind Shelby’s taste. “I think I leapt too fast, though. I kissed her.”

“Oh. Oh.” And then, after a moment, “Oh. So, can I ask how it was?”

Nick grinned. “You can. It was like being hit by a bolt of lightning. It steamed. At least, I felt like I was steaming. She just promised to call me, said good night, and walked into her house like it hadn’t bothered her at all.”

“Did it?”

“She hasn’t said anything about it in any of the conversations I’ve had with her since. But I think it did. She walked into the door.” He grinned again. “It was cute. And a hell of an ego boost.”

Brian was quiet for a moment. “Are you going to do anything more, or do you just want to be her friend?”

“I don’t know,” Nick answered honestly after a few moments. “I definitely want her, but I want our friendship back, too. She was always important, and I’ve found myself wondering how the hell I could forget about her.”

“The industry does that to you,” Brian said simply. “Want a word of advice?”

Nick shrugged as he shot Howie and AJ a thumbs up in reply to their questioning looks. “Sure. Why not?”

“If she’s as important to you as you say, think this through carefully. I wouldn’t want you to wreck a potentially good friendship with her because the two of you broke each other’s hearts or pushed too much.” Brian laid a hand over his friend’s shoulder. “Be careful.”

“She’s unlike anyone else here, Bri,” he said quietly. “I want that to be a good thing, and, while I think it is, there are times when I wonder. We may have been friends a long time ago and are working back to it now, but our worlds are different. She owns her own business, and I travel the world. That can’t be a good foundation for a solid relationship, could it?”

Brian smiled grimly. “That’s for you to answer. But I’ll be here if you need help.”

***

Shelby wondered why she couldn’t feel guilty about the kiss. She sat across from Logan in a softly-lit restaurant and smiled when he told her he loved her. Her thoughts, though, were three thousand miles away.

With Nick.

It had been a couple of weeks since he’d left Tampa, and, yet, they spoke nearly every day. She hadn’t broached the topic of their lovely embrace, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to do so. Afraid that speaking of it would ruin the magic of the moment, she’d kept quiet and told not a soul.

With a longing made more deep and desperate because of time, she wished for Nick to come back and just hold her. One taste hadn’t been enough to quench a thirst that had lasted thirteen years, and she didn’t want to deny herself any longer.

But she was getting married in eight and a half months, and she’d continued on preparing for the wedding. Nick hadn’t made her any promises, and Logan was a wonderful man. He’d never be Nick Carter, but she wouldn’t have to worry about his feelings for her. Her fiancé was perfect in every way.

The lack then, she decided, was in her. For even when she was in Logan’s arms, her mind drifted to Nick.

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won’t keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

Shelby stared at the picture in the magazine and the accompanying article. Resisting the urge to shred the page to pieces and scream with rage was difficult to do, but she knew she had virtually no right to curse at anyone. Not even Nick.

But did he have to look so damn happy with that busty blonde’s obviously silicone-filled lips on his?

She tossed the magazine into her recycling bin and made her way out to the storefront where several customers were browsing. Moving over to her best friend and business partner, Mel, she passed off a mug of coffee.

“Thanks,” Mel said gratefully, taking a sip of the scalding hot liquid. She was a petite woman with endless fiery curls and brilliant emerald eyes. She also had a head for business and numbers and, combined with Shelby’s eye for pretty antiques, had built a business that was currently in its fourth very successful year.

“How’s the selling going out here?” Shelby murmured, scanning the potential buyers eyeing a George III set of candleholders.

Mel lifted a shoulder. “They might bite yet. The couple by the Dresden vase look like they’ll decide soon. I think I’ll go over and give them a little push.”

“I’ll stay here and hold down the fort,” Shelby returned with a smile. “Go forth and conquer, soldier.”

Mel winked and made her way over to the couple. In moments, the couple was raptly listening to her extol the virtues of the vase and other equally valuable Dresden chinaware. Shelby mentally ticked off another sale in her head and grinned. She and Mel were good at what they did, and she wouldn’t want her work, and life, to be any other way.

As she straightened up the counters, the bell above the door jingled, announcing the arrival of another customer. When Shelby looked to the entrance, her fingers froze on the glass surface of the display case.

“Hey, Shelby.” Nick studied her shop as he made his way over to her. “I like your place.”

She sent him a withering stare.

“Okay, no answer. Can I ask how you are?” he tried again.

One brow arched.

Nick shuffled his feet nervously. “Look, I’d love to play twenty questions, but maybe you could just tell me what’s going on. Why are you pissed at me?”

“Did you enjoy your date with the plastic blonde with the bad hair and big teeth?” She hadn’t meant to say that, but it was too late to take it back. To cover up for it, she tapped her fingers on the counter and continued to stare at him.

He swallowed visibly. “Uh, yeah. Marie…I think. It was good. But I wish it had been you instead,” he added quickly, hoping to soften her up.

“It’s not working, Carter.”

Oh. “Shelby, we never said we were together or anything. It was just a kiss, right?” It was a stupid thing to say, but he didn’t know what else to say. It had been two months since his last trip to Tampa, but he’d thought of her and spoken to her often. He’d thought it for the best that he not think of her in any way other than friend. But that had been when he wasn’t standing in front of her. Now…

“Just a kiss?” she asked in a low voice. “If it was just a kiss, then what was all that bullshit you gave me before it? Was that ‘just talk’?”

He sighed. “No. Honestly, it was true. I meant what I said, but I’ve been thinking.”

“Big surprise.”

He winced. “Shelby. You and I are worlds apart. You’ve got a life here, and I travel all over the world. I’m never in one place for too long, and we’d never be able to have a functional relationship like that.”

“Don’t worry about it, Nick.”

“What?” Now he was puzzled.

She leaned across the counter and smirked. “It was just a kiss, and the words meant nothing. I knew it then and know it now. You like playing the field anyway. Besides,” she held out her left hand, “I’m getting married in six months.”

Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it’s all you’re running from
Perfection will not come

“Dude, I’ve never seen you like this over a chick before.” Aaron plopped into a chair at the kitchen table and studied the way Nick sat with his head resting on his hands. “She’s one woman, Nick. It’s not the end of the world.”

Nick sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. Thousands of thoughts had been buzzing around in his brain for days. He hadn’t been able to sleep and kept seeing the ring on Shelby’s hand, hearing her voice say she was engaged. He couldn’t believe it, but he couldn’t change it either. Not that he wanted to marry her or anything, either, but still…

“She’s not just any other woman, Aaron. It’s Shelby. You remember her don’t you?” he asked as he raised his head to meet is brother’s eyes.

Aaron nodded. “Sure. Yeah. She was pretty cool. She’d come by the house for a while after you left and ask how you were. After a year or so, she quit coming. I think she realized you weren’t really coming back.” He frowned. “I felt sorry for her and told her I was still there.”

“And then, of course, you weren’t.”

“Yeah, well, that’s in the past. Maybe you and Shelby should’ve stayed in the past, too.”

“Are we talking about Shelby Washington?” Angel and BJ entered the kitchen. Angel sat next to Nick and laid her head on his shoulder. “What’s wrong, big brother? Missing her? Hasn’t it been years since you saw her?”

Nick shrugged but ruffled her hair. “I found her a couple months ago. Turns out she’s getting married soon.”

“Wow. Is she still the same Shelby that she was before?” BJ wondered, pulling out a skillet and vegetables from the refrigerator. “I always thought she’d marry you, and I’d get to be the maid of honor. Then again, I was, like, eight.”

Nick shut his eyes as the pain stung at him again. He couldn’t believe how badly she’d tied him into knots. “I thought I’d marry her way back when, too. But we’re all grown up, and I feel so twisted up over seeing her twice.”

“You kissed her, man,” Aaron reminded him. “Sometimes, that’s all it takes. That’s how I knew Kaci was the one.”

Nick barely disguised the groan at the thought of his brother’s girlfriend and AJ’s former girl toy. Angel, though, didn’t. “Look, we’re friends and all, but I really don’t want to hear about her, Aaron. We’re talking about Shelby, right now.”

“You’re just jealous,” Aaron retorted.

“Of what?” Angel shot back. “A style-less Abercrombie worker with no career? Yeah, that’ll be the day.”

“Children.” BJ’s voice prevented Aaron’s comment from being verbalized. “Let’s help Nick out, right now. You can argue later.”

Nick sighed. “Don’t worry about it, guys. I don’t even know why it’s bugging me so badly. It’s just…”

“Just?” Angel prompted when he grew silent.

He shook his head. “I can’t stop thinking about her. At first, I thought maybe we could get together and have maybe a long-distance thing going. She could fly out here, and I could fly over to Tampa and whatever. But she’s got a business she runs, so she couldn’t keep coming out here, you know. So then I thought that we could just be friends.”

“What changed your mind again?” Aaron wondered, sliding a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and fiddling with the lid.

“Don’t smoke in the house,” Nick said mildly. “I think it was seeing her again and realizing there’s no way in hell that I could just be friends with her. I can’t stop reliving that kiss, hearing her voice in my head, seeing that face in my mind. Damn it, I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about her!”

Angel wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his back soothingly. “Nick, I know it sucks, but can you blame her for having a life? You’ve had more than a few women pass through your life, too. She couldn’t have just sat around and twiddled her thumbs for thirteen years, waiting for you to come back. It sucks that this is going down the way it is, but it’s just the way things are.”

And he had to live with it, Nick thought. It was either her happiness or his. He wished her all the joy in the world and realized he’d have to figure out how to be just a friend.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same

“What do you think of this one?” Shelby held her arms out to the side and twirled in a slow circle.

Nick narrowed his eyes and studied the way the sleek white satin curved smoothly over her figure and fell straight to the floor. It was strapless and beaded in white. She looked like a dream come true.

But not his. Never his.

“I think there’s got to be better in this place.” He shrugged at her frown. “Sorry, Shel. You can do better than this one.”

She turned to Mel, who sat next to Nick in the dressing room of the trendy bridal boutique in Tampa’s shopping district. “What do you think?”

“I have to agree with Nick. You can do better.”

Grumbling, Shelby stalked back into the stall. “I’ve tried on everything I like in this store,” she said through the stall door. “And we’ve hit up every store that sells bridal gowns in the city. Where am I supposed to go now? It’s not like I can just call up Vera Wang or someone and have her design my dress from scratch.”

Nick sat up as a thought occurred to him. “Why not?”

“What?” Mel turned a questioning gaze on him.

“What did he say?” Shelby called out.

He walked over to the stall. “Shelby, why couldn’t you get a dress designed by a well-known designer?”

The door opened, and Shelby arched a brow. “Because I’m not rich and famous? I think that’s key right there. Besides, I couldn’t afford that even if I sold out the shop and its stock.”

“I can.”

“What?” Now, two pairs of eyes stared at him in shock.

Nick shrugged. “I can buy you your wedding dress.” He squeezed Shelby’s limp hand. “It’ll be my wedding present to an old friend.”

“Nick, I…I don’t know what to say.” Shelby had to drag her jaw off the ground. It was such a generous offer and came despite everything that had transpired between them in the last few months.

He tapped her nose playfully. “Then don’t say anything except thank you. And, anyway, Brian, my bandmate, his wife bought a Vera gown for their wedding. I’m sure we can pull a few strings and get you one tailor-made.”

He had to fight back a laugh when Shelby’s mouth moved and no sound came out. She looked like a fish out of water, he mused, but he wanted to make her happy. It had been part of that decision he’d made to be a good friend to her. True, it was hellish to go shopping for her wedding dress with her. He’d met her fiancé and thought the guy was pretty decent, but he couldn’t help but be jealous anyway.

But he’d made a vow to himself and was going to stick to it.

Nick leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I want your wedding to be perfect, Shel. I’ll do anything to make sure it happens,” he murmured.

Anything. Even if it meant that he’d be miserable the whole way.

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you had her
Maybe you lost her to another

Nick stared at the bottle, and the bottle stared right back. Though he hadn’t drunk a single drop of it, he’d watched it for hours and contemplated opening it in order to erase the pain. He wanted to feel nothing. No pain, no sorrow. He wanted to stop thinking.

Shelby’s wedding was in two days.

He should be there now, he knew. He’d been invited, but he’d never sent her a reply. If she’d been expecting him to be there, he hoped she wouldn’t be too upset when he wasn’t. He just didn’t think he could bear sitting in a church pew and watching her promise her life and love to another man.

He’d come to a big, whopping conclusion in the nine months since he’d found her again.

Nick Carter loved Shelby Washington more than anything else in the world.

But she didn’t love him and never would. He needed to accept that and get over her. Maybe if he were given a few years, no more than three, really, he’d get past the overwhelming feelings that bubbled and boiled within him. He felt ready to explode with them and knew there was no place for them to go.

He ignored the ringing of the doorbell, imagining that it was one of his siblings. They had keys, didn’t they? They could let themselves in because he wasn’t their damn servant. He was busy dreaming about getting drunk. Dreaming but hadn’t actually started on it.

As he reached for the bottle, his cell phone rang next to him. Muttering curses, he flipped it open. “Hello?”

“Nick.” Her voice was breathless, and he could hear loud, crashing music in the background.

“Shelby?”

She giggled. “Hi, Nick! I just thought I’d call you and say a big thank you again. The dress is freaking-A gorgeous. Who knew you’d come through like that for me?”

“Don’t worry about it, Shelby. Just be happy.” He wondered if a man could die of a broken heart.

“You know what, Nick? I am happy. And I didn’t need to be with you to do it.” She sighed wistfully. “Can you believe that I actually thought of you when Logan first proposed to me? I guess I carried a fucking torch for you for thirteen years before I realized I’d been fooling myself.”

A fist squeezed his heart painfully. “Are you saying you wanted me all this time?”

“I didn’t say that, did I? Nope.” She giggled again. “Silly, Nick. You keep putting the wrong words in my mouth. I didn’t want you all this time. I loved you all this time. But now, I’ve got Logan.”

He swallowed the hot ball of regret lodged in his throat. “Shelby. Are you…are you drunk?”

“You’re so smart, Nicky Carter. It’s my bachelorette party, and I wanted the best of the best drinks. Gosh, I can’t be more than tipsy, though. I’ve only had…well, I can’t really remember.” She made a humming noise. “Did you know I listened to all of your music for the first time a couple months ago?” Her voice hushed. “But, shh, don’t tell Logan. He’s jealous of you.”

“Yeah?” He needed to hang up. He needed to not hear this information. It just made it harder to let go of her. Clean breaks were becoming impossible.

She laughed a little. “He thinks you’re going to steal me away, but that’s just crazy talk. I’m going to marry him, aren’t I? He’s already won.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he has,” Nick mumbled and hoped she wouldn’t remember this conversation in the morning.

Shelby sighed. “I should go, Nick. My head feels all light and weird. I think I’ll get some fresh air now.” She paused. “Hey, Nick! Guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m getting married! I can’t wait! Buh-bye, Nick. Love you.”

He held the phone tight to his ear. “What? Shelby, what did you say?”

Her voice grew dreamy and soft. “You’re so pretty, Nick. And you’ve got a fabulous voice. Lordy, I wanted to slurp you up in one big gulp that night you kissed me. I wish it could have gone on and on because I’m so in love with you. But I’m getting married to Logan because he loves me. Yes sir. He loves me, and we’re going to be sooo happy.”

“Shelby, did you just say you love me?”

“I think I’m going to go to bed now. ‘Bye, Nick.”

He snapped the phone shut and stared at it. The pain pounding in his heart was unbelievable, and he wondered how it was possible that, the one time she told him she loved him, she was drunk. She probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning, and she probably hadn’t meant it.

Nick went back to staring blindly at the bottle. When someone pounded on his door then barged in, he didn’t look up. Leslie took one look at his face, forgot her anger, and shoved the bottle out of his sight. Then, sighing, she put her arms around him and held him when he broke apart.

Sometimes we never know what’s wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same

The waves lapped on the shore, and the cry of gulls echoed over the beach. The sky was a deep blue with barely a cloud in the sky. Nick stood ankle deep in the water and gazed out at the far away horizon. Sunlight reflected off of the dark sunglasses shading his eyes, and a hat covered the rest of his face.

The last time he’d checked his watch, it had read two-thirty. East coast time, he calculated, it would be five-thirty. That meant that Shelby was a married woman and completely lost to him. Divorce would never enter her vocabulary because she followed through on everything she did. Knowing that, he still couldn’t squash the tiniest flickers of hope.

Sighing, he turned away from the ocean’s depths and contemplated a vacation. Somewhere he could go to be alone and be anonymous. Somewhere warm and by the water. Plenty of sun and fresh air could cure him. Maybe.

Mostly, he just wanted somewhere to go where he could lick his wounds in private. Maybe give his heart time to heal.

He knew he’d done the right thing by letting her go, and he’d half-convinced himself of that. Whatever she’d said to him two nights ago, he thought it best not to think of it. The conversation and the truth in it would be only hers to know.

When he arrived home, he found his siblings’ cars and the camera crew’s van had disappeared. That was fine with him because he needed to be alone. It had been hard to act unaffected and casual around the idiot cameras that would capture everything, but he’d done it. No one other than his family and the Boys knew that something was bugging him.

They’d started working on the visual layout for the new album, and the mournful pictures that had been taken of him had been some of the best of his career. He’d known it, and so had the others. The raw, real emotion had been impossible to hide.

“This, too, shall pass,” he muttered to himself as he parked the car. “Nothing good lasts forever. And why the hell am I talking to myself in fucking clichés?”

But he would, Nick thought, get over Shelby Washington. After her honeymoon, he’d have to see her eventually. They were friends now, and he wanted to hold onto her friendship. Somehow, he’d have to bury this enormous need he had for her and go on.

When he found the door unlocked, he muttered curses at his siblings for being irresponsible. He’d told them a thousand times, he mused as he shut and locked the door behind him, that any psycho could get into the house and hide until they were sleeping. Then, said psycho could hack them to bits for no reason at all while…

And he figured he should probably stop trying to distract himself from the fact that he had really and truly lost the woman who’d come to mean the world to him over the last few months. Wondering how long it would take the pain to run its course, he made his way to the den and curled into a ball on the cushy couch.

When he’d been younger, he’d always burrowed into himself when he hurt. Of course, his mother had been there then and had often held and soothed him as he wept his child’s heart out. Now, Nick thought, now there was no one there to comfort him but himself in an enormously empty house.

Once, fame, money, and the glory of it all meant everything in the world to him. Then they’d meant nothing compared to how he felt about Shelby. In a few short months, he’d fallen in love and lost in the game. Shelby was probably deliriously happy, he thought sadly, but how was he supposed to go on with the rest of his life without her love?

Because, no matter how hard he’d tried to prevent it, Nick Carter had wanted Shelby Washington, needed her, and lost her to someone else.

The END

Sometimes we never know what’s wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same

The waves lapped on the shore, and the cry of gulls echoed over the beach. The sky was a deep blue with barely a cloud in the sky. Nick stood ankle deep in the water and gazed out at the far away horizon. Sunlight reflected off of the dark sunglasses shading his eyes, and a hat covered the rest of his face.

The last time he’d checked his watch, it had read two-thirty. East coast time, he calculated, it would be five-thirty. That meant that Shelby was a married woman and completely lost to him. Divorce would never enter her vocabulary because she followed through on everything she did. Knowing that, he still couldn’t squash the tiniest flickers of hope.

Sighing, he turned away from the ocean’s depths and contemplated a vacation. Somewhere he could go to be alone and be anonymous. Somewhere warm and by the water. Plenty of sun and fresh air could cure him. Maybe.

Mostly, he just wanted somewhere to go where he could lick his wounds in private. Maybe give his heart time to heal.

He knew he’d done the right thing by letting her go, and he’d half-convinced himself of that. Whatever she’d said to him two nights ago, he thought it best not to think of it. The conversation and the truth in it would be only hers to know.

When he arrived home, he found his siblings’ cars and the camera crew’s van had disappeared. That was fine with him because he needed to be alone. It had been hard to act unaffected and casual around the idiot cameras that would capture everything, but he’d done it. No one other than his family and the Boys knew that something was bugging him.

They’d started working on the visual layout for the new album, and the mournful pictures that had been taken of him had been some of the best of his career. He’d known it, and so had the others. The raw, real emotion had been impossible to hide.

“This, too, shall pass,” he muttered to himself as he parked the car. “Nothing good lasts forever. And why the hell am I talking to myself in fucking clichés?”

But he would, Nick thought, get over Shelby Washington. After her honeymoon, he’d have to see her eventually. They were friends now, and he wanted to hold onto her friendship. Somehow, he’d have to bury this enormous need he had for her and go on.

When he found the door unlocked, he muttered curses at his siblings for being irresponsible. He’d told them a thousand times, he mused as he shut and locked the door behind him, that any psycho could get into the house and hide until they were sleeping. Then, said psycho could hack them to bits for no reason at all while…

His thoughts trailed off as he walked into the living room. In fact, every thought process froze and became one word.

“Shelby.”

She wore the lovely, off-the-shoulder, champagne-hued gown he’d had especially designed for her. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders, and the look on her face shouted of nerves. Her hands were clenched together and nearly white. The smile, when it came, was strained.

“Hello, Nick.”

He had trouble finding his voice and more trouble trying to figure out what to say. In the end, he asked what and why she was there.

“I sat in the dressing room,” she began. “Not five minutes before the wedding was to start, and my mother and everyone were running around fussing over anything. I wasn’t. Don’t you think that’s odd, Nick? A bride not being nervous before her wedding?” She went on before he could speak. “And then I realized why there were no nerves.”

When she didn’t continue, he took a step forward, towards her. “Why weren’t you nervous?”

Her smile bloomed beautifully. “Because I wasn’t about to get married. I realized it, and I walked up the aisle and broke the news to Logan. I broke his heart, but I think I saved him a lifetime of heartache. At least, I hope I did.”

“He seems like a tough man,” Nick managed to say.

Shelby nodded. “Oh, he is. I think we’ll be friends eventually, too. I care about him, but I couldn’t marry him. It would have been wrong and unfair of me to do so. Don’t you want to know why?”

“Why?” It was a whisper.

“Because I’m in love with another man,” she said simply. “So, I left the church and drove to the airport. It’s a huge risk I’m taking, Nick.”

He understood. Despite the mammoth butterflies that pounded their wings in his belly, he knew exactly what she meant. “It’ll be hard.”

“I’m no weak-kneed schoolgirl.”

He grinned. “You never were. Your shop is going to boom with curious visitors.”

“Why do you think I’m here?” she asked with an arched brow. At his frown, she laughed and, brushing past the tables and couches, wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m where I want to be, and I think we both know it’s not going to be a walk in the park to make this work.”

He brushed a kiss over the curve of her shoulder. “It’ll be the hardest thing we’ve ever done.”

“No doubt.”

Nick lifted his eyes to meet hers. “If you’re in, so am I.”

“I’m in.”

Everything inside him came together and settled happily. “Deal.”

They sealed it with a kiss.