"Ugh!" Alex exclaimed, deposited half a dozen shopping bags on the floor and flopped onto the hotel bed. "If I hear one more Christmas carol before December twenty fourth, I'm gonna scream."
"They always start playing carols around Thanksgiving." Shae replied. She had thrown her shoes on the floor and was massaging her feet.
"Thanksgiving?" Alex frowned. "Oh yeah, Thanksgiving in November. Canadian, remember?" She pointed to herself. "We have Thanksgiving in October. I'm already sick of Turkey leftovers by this time."
"Oh right, do they have running water up there?"
"Ha!" Alex replied and threw a pillow at Shae's head. "Don't tell me it's time to go already, I'm too tired."
"It is. They guys will be finishing up their sound check about now. If we leave now, we'll have time to eat before work."
Alex grabbed her shopping bags and headed for the door. "I hope the shirt I bought for Justin fits him. It would look really good on him."
"Yeah, for the thousand of screaming fans or you?" Shae asked sarcastically.
"Hey, I'm wardrobe, you're hair and make up. It's our jobs, nothing more."
"Whatever you wanna believe Alex." Shae smirked.
Pressing the elevator button for the main floor, Shae turned to Alex. "So how ya doin'?"
"I'm catching on quick. The past two weeks have certainly been a learning experience." Alex answered.
"Yeah, I remember my first month on the job. It was hectic. I'm glad you are here though. The last chick we had in wardrobe was a real bitch."
"Thanks", Alex grinned, "but you don't know me very well yet. I might be a bitch too."
"Hmph! Doubt it." The elevator door opened and the girls exited.

~*~

"So! What are we going to do with me tonight?" Justin grinned and plopped down in the chair between Shae and a mirror
"I don't know……." She put her finger to her lips and looked pensive. "What do you think Alex?" She yelled. "Let's shave it off!"
Justin let out a yelp as his hands flew to his curls. Alex walked out from behind a partition and laughed. She was polishing a pair of shoes for Lance. "Nah, how 'bout a mowhawk?"
"Fabulous idea, lime green or neon pink?"
"I've always been partial to a nice shade of aubergine myself." Alex quipped.
Both Justin and Shae turned to look at Alex, "Auber-what?" they said in unison.
"Purple!" She shouted and disappeared behind the partition again. "Hurry up Shae, Justin still changed yet."
Shae turned back to the mirror and looked at Justin's reflection. "Didn't take her long to start giving orders."
"Nope, but at least she's nice about it!"
"Yeah, I really like her." Shae's voice trailed off as she squeezed a blob of hair gel into her hand and then worked it into Justin's hair. "She's fits in quite nicely."

~*~

After the show, Shae told everyone that the movie would be in her room that night. She usually fell asleep in the middle and if she started in her room then she wouldn't have to move. Alex's hotel room was connected to Shae's via double doors in the middle. More often than not they had gotten connected rooms. Neither one minded. They had only known each other for two weeks but were fast becoming friends. Most of the time, they left the doors wide open between their rooms.
"What are we watching tonight?" Joey asked, jumping on the bed.
"Sleeping with the enemy, with Julia Roberts." Shae explained.
"Is this a chick flick?" JC groaned.
"Oh come on! I sat through Starship Troopers how many times? I'm only going to make you watch this once."
Half an hour into the movie, Lance was softly snoring at the foot of the bed. JC was resting his head on Shae's shoulder. Alex was propped up against the wall next to Shae on one bed. Chris was starred out on the other bed, all by himself. Joey was lying on his stomach on the floor. Justin was sitting in a chair next to Alex. The first abuse scene started in the movie. Alex shifted uncomfortably. She glanced at him, he smiled shyly. She abruptly stood up. "I'm too tired to watch anymore. Good night." She carefully stepped around Joey and disappeared into her room, closing the door behind her.
Shae looked accusingly at Justin. "What did you do? She ran out of here like a scared rabbit!"
Justin shrugged, just as bewildered. "I smiled at her."
"Well that would do it." Chris said from the other bed.
The door opened again. Alex walked back in with all four pillows from the beds in her room. "Joey, do you need a pillow?" She asked.
"Hey that would be great." He answered.
Alex dropped all four pillows beside him.
"Don’t you need something to sleep on?"
"Nope, don't like pillows." She closed the door behind her again.
JC sat up and looked around at the others in the room. "Did I miss something?"
"I think we all did." Shae said, looking equally confused.

It was late afternoon on a rare day off. JC, Shae and Lance were sprawled across bed in Shae's hotel room, watching TV. Justin was sitting on the floor, absorbed in a paperback. Alex was on the other side of the connecting door, getting dressed in her own room. Hearing Shae burst out in laughter, Alex opened the door and walked in. "Wow! You look great. Where are you going dressed like that?" Shae asked, causing everyone's attention to turn towards Alex.
"I'm meeting a friend for dinner." Alex said flatly, revealing nothing more. She was wearing a pair of black stretch pant and a yellow v-neck t-shirt. The outfit hugged her in all the right places. Her long blond hair was wrapped into a tight braid that hung down her back, reaching past her waist.
Shae got off the bed and walked towards her. "What kind of friend exactly? Have you been withholding information? Someone doesn't get dressed like that to meet a friend."
"She's a former co-worker of mine who moved to Vegas when I lived in Toronto."
Justin turned back to his book when he learned her friend was of the female variety and tuned out the rest of the conversation.
"Do we get to meet her or are you meeting somewhere else?"
"She's picking me up in the lobby in twenty minutes but if you really want to meet her, I'll leave a message at the front desk for her to come up."
"Sure, whatever you want. I just thought we could meet her. We haven't met any of your other friends, Alex. Hasn't it occurred to you that we don't know much about your life before N'Sync?"
Alex grinned nervously, "Yes it has occurred to me. Has it occurred to you that maybe I was a secret agent and I can't tell you anything about my past life? Maybe I had to kill all my other friends because they knew too much about my true identity." She hoped that Shae hadn't picked up on her unease.
"That's Lex, always one for dramatics!" Shae waved her hand in the air.
Alex picked up the phone.
Almost exactly 15 minutes later there was a knock on the door. Alex jumped up to answer. Even before the door was open all the way, Shae heard a voice shriek "Lex!" She saw Alex's eyes bulge as her friend squeezed her in a big hug. "Oh my God. I haven't seen you for so long. I missed you so much!"
Alex re-appeared around the corner, towing a dark skinned brunette by the hand. "Guys, I'd like you to meet my friend, Cracy." Alex gestured towards the other woman. "Cracy, this is Shae, JC, Lance and that's Justin with the book."
Justin stood up to shake hands with the newcomer. "Nice to meet you." He grinned. Cracy turned to Alex. "Mmmm girl, which one belongs to you? I can see you've been taking my advice to heart."
Alex rolled her eyes. "Cracy, although you were a fabulously bad influence on me, No one in here is spoken for by me."
"Oh well in that case," Cracy trailed off, devouring Justin with her eyes.
Alex giggled again. "Cool down, old lady, this one's too young for you."
"I'm not discriminatory against age. And who are you calling old lady?"
"I know you aren't but trust me, he's too young. That's why we are leaving as soon as I get my purse." Alex returned to her room.
Justin was still blushing from getting the once over from Alex's friend. She grinned. "Hey, I didn't mean to embarrass you. I thrive on shock value. Alex is so easy to get flustered."
Justin let out a breath and relaxed, "That's for sure. So what kind of name is Cracy?"
"It's a combination of Tracy and crazy. Alex insists on the moniker. She thinks I'm crazy. Of course, I might have given her one or two reasons to come to that conclusion."
Alex snorted from the other room. "One or two? Have I got stories for you. One time -"
"Oh gosh look at the time." Cracy cut her off and put her arm around Alex's waist. She steered Alex towards the door. "Nice to meet you all." She called. Arm in arm, they stepped out of the room.
Lance stared at the door after them. "Wow, Alex really looks different when she relaxes like that. Did anyone notice but me?"
"Justin has." JC said, sitting on the bed.
"I have what?" Justin quizzed, dragging his attention away from his book.
"Noticed how 'yummy' Alex is." JC accused.
"Have not."
"Oh please." Shae smiled.

~*~

Cracy put the car into first gear and pulled out of the parking lot. "So how are you really?"
"I'm good Cracy. Really. I am." Alex looked at her friend. She had missed her. Cracy had been half way between a sister and a mother when they had lived in the same city. When Cracy's job got transferred she begged Alex to go with her but to no avail. Alex didn't know it but Cracy had spent many sleepless nights worrying about her young friend.
"I've really missed you Cracy." Alex touched her shoulder.
"So tell me, how is it that you've been travelling the country with five guys and are still sleeping alone in your bed?"
"Am I that predictable?" Cracy nodded in response.
"It's the younger one, Justin isn't it?" Cracy didn't need an answer. She saw the change in Lex's eyes when she spoke his name.
"He is kind of…yummy. Isn't he?"
"Very."
" You know as well as I do that the last thing I need right now is a man complicating my life. We both know what happened last time."
"Not all men are like that. Is there anything that I can do to get that through to you?"
Alex remained silent.
"Justin is not the same man. He's young, he's talented, obviously he has self-confidence. Do you see the differences here? He is a different person." Cracy continued.
"Crace, you talk as though you're trying to get us together."
"It's been long enough. The only thing that can heal you is another man - a good man. Justin may be it."
"He's too young, he's too talented and he can have any woman he wants. Why would he want me? I'm broken."
"Don't talk about yourself like that!" Cracy scolded. "
"Cracy, he doesn't want me. I don't want him. I don't want any man for that matter. Is there anything I can do to get that through to you? He's just a guy who I come in contact with because it is my job - my job Cracy. I don't think of him that way."
"You do so, you're just not admitting it yet.", the older woman replied.
"You are impossible." Alex threw up her hands in disgust. "I do not want to continue this conversation with you." She turned her head from Cracy and stared out the window.
Cracy smiled to herself. Alex did have feelings for Justin. If she didn't have feelings for him, she wouldn't be arguing about it. Cracy knew that was why Alex was so impatient with her. She had feelings for Justin and Cracy knew that it scared her to death.

It was their second performance in as many nights and the usual backstage hysteria had begun. Lance was chatting with JC as Shae sprayed a thick cloud of hairspray in his general direction. She was flirting with both of them and by the smiles on their faces, they didn't mind. Justin was enjoying one last moment of quiet before they were rushed on stage. Alex was dancing to her discman while getting clothes ready for the many changes that would take place during the performance.
"Alex, get out here!" JC yelled. "We need your input."
Autumn moonwalked into the room, still wearing her headphones. "How can I be of service?" She smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelashes ridiculously.
"What do you think we should do for Christmas? Should we have a small party slash get together type of thing before everything goes home for Christmas or should we wait for New Year's?"
"Oh." Alex replied, shutting off her player. "I guess I didn't realize that we got time at Christmas."
"Of course we get time off for Christmas. Don't be ridiculous."
"Well, when are you all going home?"
"We'll all be flying home on the afternoon of the 22nd. And you?"
"I guess I'll leave the same day." Alex answered, suddenly feeling uneasy.
"You guess? You've only been at this job for two months and you already get a holiday. Maybe you could pretend to be happy."
"I - I am happy. I'll get away from you guys right?" Alex stuttered.
"So what do you think?"
"Why don't we all go out for dinner and then dancing?"
"Sounds good. Any suggestions where?"
"Once you tell me what city we'll be in, I'll arrange it."
"Fabulous!" JC exclaimed.
"So Alex, what are your plans for the holidays?" Shae asked.
"I - I'll go to…my sister's."
"You have a sister?" Lance asked.
"Yeah - back in Toronto. She's - She's probably expecting me."
"I can tell you are looking forward to it." Lance said sarcastically.
"Yeah, whatever." Alex replied, not sensing the sarcasm in his voice. She turned her player back on and headed back to the next room.
Chris followed her. "Hey Alex, can you give me another pair of pants to wear? I don't like these ones. They…bunch."
Alex shook her head, relieved that the subject had been changed. "Yep, how about these?" She asked, holding up some kahkis
"Much better." Chris smiled.
"Okay, give me a minute to press them and you can change." She pulled the pants off the hanger and turned on the iron.
"Lex?"
"Hmm mmm."
"Why aren't you looking forward to Christmas?" Chris asked point blank.
Alex laughed nervously. "What gives you that idea? It's my favorite time of year." She lied.
"I don't know, you seem to clam up as soon as we start to talk about it."
"Chris, don't let your imagination run wild. Here." She threw the pants at his head. "Put these on." She turned her back.
Chris rolled his eyes. "Alex, you don't have to turn your back every time one of us removes a piece of clothing. I think we should be used to it by now."
"Sorry, just thought you'd like a shred of privacy. Besides I have no desire to see your tightie whities, Chris." Alex teased.
"When you lead a life like mine, you have no privacy. And I don't wear tightie whities." He threw the other pair of pants back at her.
"Oh, well in that case I have no desire to see your green sequined g-string, so is it okay to turn around now? Are you decent?"
Chris laughed. "Yes it's okay to turn around now and no, I'm never decent."
She stuck her tongue out at him before he left the room. "She's being mean to me." He whined to Justin, who was just entering as Chris opened the door.
"Hey Justin." Alex smiled. "What can I do for you now? Don't like what your wearing either. Geez, I don't know why I was hired." She began to flip through the hangers on the portable clothes rack.
"No, this is fine."
Alex stopped what she was doing. "Then what do you need?"
"This." Justin crossed the room in three steps and swept her into his arms. He covered her mouth with his, sending tingles through her entire body. He broke off suddenly and kissed both sides of her mouth. Then he quickly turned and left the room.
Alex stared at the closed door. She brought her fingers to her lips where he had just been a moment before. She whispered to herself. "Wow."

Christmas was coming up fast. The group was busy attending galas and holiday parties. It was all Alex could do to keep up with all the formal wear she had to have ready almost every evening. She welcomed the distraction. She played the kiss over and over in her mind, wondering. No matter what perspective she chose to take, she remained confused.

It had been four days since the "episode" in the change room. Justin had barely said three words to her. Alex thought it very strange to say the least. She so wanted to talk to Shae about it but later, decided against it - keeping it to herself. Once in a while she would catch Justin staring at her but as soon as she did, he'd look away. Instead she just went on as if everything was fine, as if her emotions weren't twisting forever inside her.

The Christmas party was that night. It would be the last night everyone was together before they went to their separate ways for the holidays.

Alex and Shae had gone shopping one evening after the group had left for yet another Christmas obligation.
"Shae, you gotta help me pick something out for the Christmas party." Alex whined.
Shae wrinkled her forehead. "You are the wardrobe chick! Shouldn't you be helping me?"
"Yeah, I know but..." Alex trailed off, not able to think of a good excuse.
"Yes, of course I'll help you. How about that?" Shae said pointing to a mannequin in a shop window.
"No, we're going dancing at a club afterwards - not the palais! Who'd wear a thing like that?"
Shae rolled her eyes. "Come on!" She grabbed Alex around the wrist and dragged down the street.
After much good natured arguing, Alex settled on a one piece dress. It was the perfect shade of lipstick red, mini skirt length and made of shimmering fabric. According to Shae, it looked awesome.
"This is going to knock Justin out." Shae smiled as Alex paid for the dress and left the store.
"I don't really care if he likes it or not." Alex replied flatly. "I'm tired of the mixed signals I've been getting from him. I'm just going to stay away from him - which shouldn't be too hard considering he doesn't talk to me anymore."
"He'll figure it out sooner or later."
Alex left the discussion at that. Although she wasn't sure what "it" was that Justin would figure out.

~*~

Justin had not taken his eyes off of Alex since the moment she stepped into the dining room. He watched her joke with Lance and Shae. Her laughter danced across the table to where he sat. He could no longer stand to be away from her.
"Justin - I'm talking to you!" Chris waved a hand in front of Justin's face.
"Oh yeah, sorry." Justin mumbled.
"Is that dress distracting you?" Chris grinned knowingly.
"No, it's what's inside it that's driving me crazy."
"And you would be waiting for...?" Chris trailed off and wiggled his eyebrows.
"Good point." Justin abruptly pushed his chair back and stood up. He walked around the table to where Alex was sitting and put his hand on her shoulder.
Alex jumped at the warmth of his touch. She turned her attention to him. "Hi!" She smiled.
"Feel like dancing?"
"Sure." Alex held out her hand. Justin took it in his and steered her through the maze of tables. Sliding his right arm around her waist he led her around the dance floor.
"You surprise me, Justin Timberlake."
"Hmm? Why is that?"
"I didn't have you pegged for the type of person who knew how to waltz."
He laughed and twirled her around. "Nice fit huh?"
"Oh Thanks, Shae helped me pick it out."
"I was talking about us." Justin said with a straight face and pressed his body closer to hers.
"And you also confuse me, Justin Timberlake." Alex frowned.
"And why would that be?"
"Maybe you could help me with that one." She raised an eyebrow at him. The song had ended and they were the only couple left on the floor. More music started up, much faster. "Do you know how to seven step?" She changed the subject.
"Can't say that I do."
"Well today's your lucky day - I'm going to teach you.”

Fortunately the song was a short one. They both returned to the table in tears from laughing so hard. "I thought he'd be a better student than that!" Alex exclaimed to JC.
Justin pretended to be hurt. "You have to actually know how to do something before you can teach it to someone else!"
"I do know how to seven step - I just forgot parts." Her eyes sparkled. It was nice to be comfortable around him again, and for him to be comfortable around her.
"Hey Alex what is your song?" Shae turned away from Chris to ask the question.
"Which one do you mean?" Alex replied.
Chris interrupted. "You mean you know what she is talking about?"
"Of course I do." Alex looked in his direction. "She's talking about that one special song that every girl has. The one that makes your knees weak as soon as you hear the first note. Am I right Shae?"
"Yeah, so what's yours?"
Alex rolled her eyes. "I could never tell you guys, you'd use it to torture me. It's from the 80's but I assure you, it still turns my legs to jell-o whenever I hear it!"
Chris zeroed in on Alex, his interest piqued. "So it makes you hor…I mean, it turns you on?" He leaned closer.
"Most definitely." Alex placed her hand on his forehead and pushed him back in his chair. "I know of more than one song that does that to me actually. You just gotta dance when you hear it.”
"Are you going to tell us?" JC asked.
"Nope. Why don't you ask Shae?" Alex pointed to her friend.
Shae held her hand up, palms out. "Nice try." She stuck her tongue out at Alex.
"Maybe they'll play it tonight!" Chris wiggled his eyebrows at her.
Alex grinned. "You wish!"
"Are you guys ready to get out of here?" Joey fidgeted in his seat. "I need some real music to dance to."
"Yeah, let's blow this popsicle stand!"

~*~

The Club was packed by the time they got there but they did manage to find a table. No chairs, but a table nevertheless. From there, they split up. Joey went to scope out the upper level. JC, Lance and Shae hit the dance floor. Alex saved the table while Justin and Chris went for drinks. She laughed as she watched Lance and JC grind to the music with Shae sandwiched between them. Justin and Chris returned with drinks.
"They didn't know what a vodka special was so I got you this." Justin set a drink in front of her.
"Thanks - I think vodka specials must be a Canadian thing. Do you feel like dancing yet?” She asked after drinking it
"Not yet! My shin still hurts from learning the seven step!"
"Suit yourself. Chris how about you?" She asked.
"No thanks."
Alex pretended to pout. "You guys probably couldn't keep up anyway."
She wove her way through the crowd of people to Shae, Lance and JC. She danced with them for a while until they soon got tired and returned to the table. They left her dancing alone. The DJ announced an N’sync set and began playing 'I just wanna be with you'. Alex felt her pulse quicken. The combination of the energy in the room, the alcohol in her system and the sounds of the music made her dance like she never had before. Justin watched as she moved her hands seductively down her body. He noticed that her eyes were closed. It was as if she was totally somewhere else. She opened her eyes and looked straight at him. If he had ever seen bedroom eyes, this was then. She continued to dance without breaking eye contact with Justin. He could feel his desire grow. He got up from his chair and made his way towards her. Behind him he could hear Shae laughing.
"Hey cutie, how 'bout a dance?" A short redhead put her hand on his forearm, blocking his line of sight. Justin pulled his gaze away to look at her.
"Yeah sure." He replied. He would have rather not but he didn't want to be rude. He followed the redhead to the dance floor. Turning his attention towards the dancing crowd again, he searched for a familiar figure in a red dress. He couldn't find her.
"Hey, I'm over here." The redhead said sternly, putting her hand on his chin and turning his head.

She kept him out there for 5 straight songs before he begged off with some lame excuse of being tired. Returning to the table with a drink, he noticed that Shae was glaring at him.
"What?" He questioned her.
"She left. Man! You can screw anything up!"
Justin groaned inwardly. "Damn." He said to himself.

Alex counted the streetlights from the window of the taxi. Never had she been so angry. But she was not angry at Justin. No. She was mad at herself. She buried her face in her hands. How could have let herself do what she almost did? Now that she had sobered, she was ashamed of herself and the way she was dancing and looking at Justin.

No, Justin hadn't done anything. She whispered a silent thanks that the redheaded girl had intercepted Justin on his way to her on the dance floor. Otherwise, Alex was pretty sure she - and he - they would have done something that she would have regretted.

Had she not told Cracy that she was not interested in Justin? Had she not told Shae that she was going to stay away from him? Yes and yes. She was not more determined than ever to keep true to her word. The only good thing that had ever come from a relationship, she had been unable to hold on to. Incapable.

Tomorrow, she would leave for the holidays. After Christmas, Justin will have forgotten about this whole scene, she hoped. She wouldn't see him until January. A new year. A fresh start. She resolved to herself that when she did return, her relationship with Justin would be strictly professional.

~*~

Alex zipped her suitcase and fished her plane ticket out of her purse. One last visual sweep around the room and she was out the door.

"Merry Christmas!" The door man cheered, helping her to a taxi.

"Mornin'" the driver tipped his hat and opened the door for her to get.

"Lex! Please wait!" Alex's heart skipped beat as she saw an out of breath Justin rushing down the steps of the hotel. Jumping two stairs at a time, he stopped in front of her.

"You're up early! I thought your flight didn't leave until late this afternoon." Alex smiled.
"It doesn't. I wanted to see you before you left."
"Oh?" Her face was a mix of surprise and curiosity. She wasn't sure what to think - especially after last night.
"You left last night before I got a chance to give you this." He produced a small box from his pocket. It was wrapped in gold paper and tied with a green ribbon.
"Justin, you didn't have to-" she began to protest.
"I wanted to." He interrupted.
She grinned. "Do I have to wait until Christmas to open it?"
"Only if you want to." His eyes sparkled.
Without answering she tore the paper off, revealing a blue velvet box with a hinged lid. Inside was gold, heart shaped locket. A row of diamonds and emeralds ran diagonally across the front.
"Oh Justin, it's beautiful." She breathed.
"Here, let me put it on." He took the necklace from the box and motioned for her to turn around. She lifted her hair out of his way. Justin slipped the chain around her neck and fastened the clasp.
"Justin, thank you."
"I was right." Justin whispered. "Exactly the same colour as your eyes." He brushed his hand across her cheek and moved closer to her.
"Lady, I don't have all day." The taxi driver yelled from beside the car.
Justin rolled his eyes and touched his finger to her lips. "We'll save this for the new year."
"Merry Christmas Justin."
"Merry Christmas Alex"

Justin watched from the sidewalk as Alex got into the cab and disappeared down the street.

Alex followed Joey and Chris as they joined Lance and JC on the bus. They had an eight hour drive to the first stop on the tour and Shae would be meeting them there. JC asked Alex if she’d like to ride with them seeing as she would be alone otherwise.
Immediately JC, Lance, Chris and Joey split up for a playstation basketball tournament. Alex, not mentally ready to deal with the yelling, moved into the kitchen area of the bus. Justin, who had been sitting at the table, stood up when Alex came in. “Hey.” He greeted her.
“Hey.” She replied.
He hugged her quickly. “So tell me, how was your Christmas?”
“Oh, you know…same old same old. Nothing really special. And yours?” She turned the focus of the conversation back to him before he could ask any more questions.
“Are you forgetting that you owe me something?” He grinned at her lazily and brought his face closer to hers.
“How could I forget?” Alex felt her stomach do a flip flop. She closed her eyes when he kissed her. He gently tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth and then prodded her mouth open with his tongue. Alex broke off the kiss. Justin ran his finger down her throat and bent his head to kiss her again. Much to Justin’s disappointment and confusion, she pulled away. Blatant fear flashed in her eyes before they were clouded over again. “Happy New Year.” She said, barely a whisper.
“I missed you Alex.” Justin hugged her again, this time a little tighter and a little longer than the last time. He held her out at arm’s length and looked her over. “You feeling okay? “ He asked, growing concerned. In the short week and a half that she had been away, it looked like she had lost weight and had barely slept. Her eyes were dull and lacked the playful twinkle that he was accustomed to seeing.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I guess I had a little too much excitement over the holidays.”
Feeling a twinge of jealousy, Justin fished for clues. “Too many hot dates?” He joked.
“Not even close.” She punched him in the arm.
He felt a little relief. “You’re played out from running around after your sister’s kids, right?” Justin thought he Alex’s jaw tighten, but it was gone before he could be sure.
“Yeah, I’m the favorite auntie.” Alex’s voice had dropped to a whisper. “I’m just ….” She trailed off.
“Tired.” He finished the sentence for her.
She half smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Yes, tired.”
“You wanna take a nap in my bunk? It happens to be free at the moment. “
“Really? Thanks! I’d be forever grateful.”
Justin dropped his arms from around her waist and led her to the back of the bus. He swept his bag off the comforter and folded it back for her to get in. Alex moaned as she lay down. “Ooohh soooo tired.”
Justin pulled the blanket up to her chin and cupped her cheek in his hand. He could have sworn he saw that flash of fear again. He brushed his lips across her forehead. “Get some rest.” He ordered before standing up to leave.
“Justin?” Alex called after he turned his back.
“Yeah?”
“Have patience with me please.”
His face softened. “Are you ever going to tell me what it is?”
“Probably not.” She replied, not making eye contact.
“Well then…sweet dreams.” Justin turned to leave. His brow furrowed. If he wasn’t confused before, he certainly was now. He heard a soft thwap by the bed and turned to see his pillow dumped on the floor.

~*~

Lance hit the pause button on the game he was playing and cocked his ear.
“No!”
There it was. He heard it again. He looked at Justin, who was now sitting up straighter and straining his ear towards the back of the bus.
“I thought Lex was sleeping.” Chris wrinkled his nose at Justin.
“She was.”
Lance threw the game controller on the floor and went to see what was wrong. Justin followed close behind. Lance found Alex thrashing around the bed and mumbling something he couldn’t make out. He sat on the bed beside her and shook her.
“Alex, wake up. You’re having a dream.”
Alex face was creased with fear. Sweat beaded on her brow. She continued to kick about the bed.
“Alex, wake u-“
Alex’s eyes popped open. BAM! Her fist caught Lance right on his cheek bone. He immediately let go of her arms and his hand flew to his face.
“What the hell…?” Justin muttered putting his hand on Lance’s shoulder.
“Oh my god, Lance!” Alex’s eyes were huge. “I am so sorry. I thought you were someone else. I’m so sorry.” She retreated to the farthest corner of the bunk and curled her legs beneath her. She rocked herself back and forth. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” She said, over and over.
Lance went into the bathroom. Seconds later Justin heard the water running.
Justin sat on the bed. “Bad dream?”
“I guess.” Alex replied without looking at him.
“Alex, what is it that you can’t tell me? Why is it that every time I get close to you, you pull away? Tell me, I’ll help you through it.” He pleaded
“No. You can’t help.”
Lance came out of the bathroom and left the room at Justin’s signal.
“Alex. You can’t keep doing this to me. Playing hot and cold all the time. If you want me to care about you sometimes, well, I can’t do that. It’s all or nothing Alex. “
Alex gave an ugly laugh. “It’s not about you all the time Justin. There are other people in the world besides little ol’ you” She sneered.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Justin’s temper was beginning to show.
“Oh Christ Justin! Just leave me alone.” Alex turned her face towards the wall.
“Consider it done.” He left the room

Justin had kept his distance from Alex for the rest of the afternoon. After hearing the argument between the two, the rest of the guys kept their distance from Justin for the rest of the afternoon as well. They knew better than to annoy him while he was brooding.

Shae had returned and was chatting away with Lance and JC about her holidays. Of course they had filled her in on the events on the bus too. Lance was sitting in a chair while she applied his stage make up.

Alex had been quiet for the entire afternoon. She was now sitting on the floor in the corner, hugging her knees. Her head was back and her eyes were closed.
"Hey!" Shae yelled "Alex, how do you expect me to cover this bruise on Lance’s beautiful face?"

Alex opened her eyes to glare at Shae through two small slits. "It’s not that bad. You’ll figure it out." she said listlessly.
Alex abruptly stood up and walked briskly over to Lance. Still glaring at Shae, she held Lance’s chin in her hand and looked at the bruise on his face. Shae chose to ignore her angry stares and resumed her conversation with JC. Alex gently touched Lance’s eye with her finger tip. He winced and pulled back. Her expression softened. “Oh Lance, I am so sorry. I really didn’t mean to hit you. Please believe me” She surveyed Shae’s supplies before choosing a brush and applying powder over the bruise.

“You’ve got quite a punch!” Lance grinned, trying to make her relax a little.
“Lance, I’m really sorry.”
Lance grabbed her hand and smiled. “I promise to forgive you if you promise to stop apologizing. It was an accident. Enough said.”
“Agreed.”
“Oh and one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Smile.”
“Hmph.” Was all she answered. “Okay, I’m done. Is that better?” She moved to the side so that he could take a look in the mirror.
“Wow Lex!” You can’t even tell I have a black eye! Where’d you learn that?”
Alex hardened her expression. “Don’t ask.” She whispered so quietly that Lance didn’t even hear her.

Shae had changed the CD in the boom box she kept on the counter. She turned the volume dial louder and piano music softly filled the air. After putting some finishing touches on Lance’s hair, she kicked him out of the chair. She was about to yell at Chris for his turn but stopped. Alex was standing in front of the stereo with her forehead pressed up against the speaker. It was playing an old ABBA song.

"This park and these houses,
Old streets I have walked
Everything dear
Will it be here?
One day when I am returning?"

JC’s eyebrows raised. He looked quizzically at Lance, who shrugged his shoulders.

"My friends will get married
have children and homes."

Alex pushed a button and played back the last line.

"My friends will get married
have children-"

Jabbing her fingers at the buttons to stop the CD. She whispered the last word to herself again. "Children"
With a low roar she popped the CD out of the player, and snapped it in two. She swung at the water glass perched on top of the shelf with a quick backhand sending it crashing against the nearest wall. She turned on the heel of her shoe and walked out the door, muttering obscenities.

Lance broke the silence that followed. "Would somebody tell me just what the hell happened here?"

Alex was the first one to leave the stadium. She sneaked away right after the last costume change and before the guys got off stage. All five agreed to meet Shae outside of Alex's room after they had had time to shower. Shae reminded them that whatever Alex was going through, real friends would help her through it. Even Justin agreed.

Shae knocked on the hotel room door for the third time. No answer. She slipped a key card out of her pocket. "Where did you get the key to Alex's room?", Chris asked. "Whenever we are not lucky enough to get connected rooms. we always exchange keys - just in case."
"In case of what?", Chris questioned.
"In case of an emergency, you know, I need to borrow some clothes or hairspray or feminine hygene products. Girlfriend emergencies."
Chris laughed,. "I see, good to know." He rubbed his chin deviously, "We might need to crash someone's room one night when they are least expecting it."

Alex was sitting at the head of the bed, with her back towards them, hugging her knees.
"Alex," Shae began softly.
"Please just leave me alone," Alex interrupted, "I don't much feel like talking."
"We're worried about you. Care to shed some light on the scene this evening?"
Alex turned around and looked at the group in her hotel room. If looks could have killed, it would have been bloody, JC thought to himself.
"Okay," Alex spat, "If you must know."
"We must." Shae replied.
"Then sit down, it's a long story and I won't be repeating it." She said, coldly and turned back to face the wall. Shae sat down on the other bed in the room next to Chris. The other four remained standing.
"Before I came to work here, I was living with my boyfriend. We had been together for two years. I thought I was going to marry him. When we first started dating he was so sweet and loving. I thought I had met the one. We were happy for a time, then things changed. He seemed to get mad at me for everything. He wanted everything to be perfect, including me, and if it wasn't perfect..." Alex trailed off.
"Go on," Shae encouraged.
Alex whipped her head around to glare at her. "Do you want to hear this or not - Don't rush me". She turned back to face the wall again.
"It took a year for the transformation to take place but after that year, Greg was not the man I fell in love with. He was mean and ugly. I think he was only truly happy when he was hurting someone else.
"Two years with Greg taught me a lot. I learned that the human face is a wonder. It can take many hits before it actually shows a visible bruise. But I also learn just how hard you have to be hit before a bruise will show up there. I learned that all it takes is one person to destroy another. And I learned just how much it hurts to wake up in the morning with bruises on your body from the person you love the most in the world.
"Last December, I missed a period. I was pregnant. I thought that it would change things. I would give Greg a child and then he would love me and we would be a family. Plus, I didn't think he would hit me if I was pregnant. I wanted to tell him in a special way. I wanted it to be memorable. Oh it was memorable all right.
"I cleaned the house and made a candle lit dinner. Everything was...perfect. Greg came home late that night. He had been drinking so I decided to wait to tell him. He asked me to get him a beer from the fridge, stupid me, I brought it to him in the wrong glass. He made me lay on the floor on my back. He sat on my chest and put a pillow over my face until I almost blacked out, twice."
It suddenly twigged to Joey why Alex never had a pillow in her room.
"Then, when I couldn't stand up because I was too woozy, he kicked me. He kicked me again and again. I never cried. Not once. I learned long before that crying just made you feel worse and never accomplished anything and it usually made him hit harder. Greg used to call me a heartless bitch because I never cried at movies, even the ones that made him cry. I always thought that was funny, that he could cry at a tender moment in a movie then turn around and backhand me."
Justin closed his eyes and tightened his fists. A lone tear slid down Shae's cheek.
"Greg went out after that. I left the house with my purse and the clothes I was wearing. I didn't take the time to pack anything because I was afraid that Greg would come back before I was gone. I bought a bus ticket for as far as I could get from there and I never looked back."
Alex was now speaking only to herself. She was oblivious to everyone else in the room.
"I know exactly what it feels like to have your heart shattered into a million bits. It’s happened to me twice. Once was there on the floor in my very own house, where I should have been safe."
Justin moved over to where Alex was sitting. He put her hand on her shoulder. Alex winced as if he had slapped her face. She snapped back to the present and turned to Justin. "Now that you've heard what you wanted to know, you can leave". She glared at him long and hard, boring a hole right through his heart.
Justin opened his mouth to speak but Alex cut him off. "Just go!” She yelled. "All of you. Get out!'
Wide-eyed, all six people silently shuffled out of the room.

~*~

Back in Shae's room, everyone was in shock. No one spoke but no one wanted to go to sleep. So they sat on the beds in her room in silence, each one lost in their own thoughts. Shae was crying softly in JC's arms. After what seemed like hours of silence, Joey flipped on the TV. Switching channels, he found MTV. Smack my bitch up by Prodigy was playing. "How ironic." Joey said dryly. Justin blanched, punched the wall and left the room.

~*~

Justin opened the door connecting his room with Alex's. She hadn't closed her side of the door. He took a few apprehensive steps into her room. She was sitting on the window seat, leaned up against the wall. Her head was laid back and her eyes were closed. Her long blond hair fell down around her face and shoulders and rested on the bench. It looked like spun gold in the moonlight, just begging for him to touch it. Her left arm was propped up against the window, her hand on her forehead. Her right hand was clenched around the neck of a 26 of vodka, half empty. Justin tiptoed up to her and reached for the bottle.
"Don't even think about it." She growled and Justin jumped.
"Do you want to talk?"
"No, go away" she replied without opening her eyes
"Are you drunk"
"No, go away" she repeated.
"Alex" Justin whispered
"What!" Her eyes snapped open and then narrowed. "Oh, are you still here?" She took another swig from the bottle and closed her eyes again. "Leave me alone."
"You are drunk." He stated
"Then why does it still hurt?" She swung her legs over the side of the bench and stood up. "Can you tell me that?" Her finger was jabbing him in the chest with each question. "Why do I feel so empty inside? And why do you care?" She turned away from him.
"Alex, I do care. I care more than you know. Please let me-"
"I don't want you to care! I don't need you to care. And I never asked you to." She viciously spat back at him.
"But I do, and even if you don't want me to care, I'm still going to." He said evenly.

Alex walked over to the bed and sat down with her back to him. Silence filled the room for what seemed like an eternity, then Justin heard a low, ugly laugh. "You are such a bastard, Justin Timberlake. You just made this heartless bitch cry for the first time in a very, very long time." After another silence he heard soft sobs coming from behind him.
"Oh no Alex, don't" He whispered and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest. Justin held her as wave after wave of sobs shook her body. He had never known anyone living with so much pain and heartache inside. After crying for close to an hour, Alex fell asleep in Justin's arms. He began to get up but her grip tightened around his waist. He knew he was stuck there for the duration of the night and lay back down on the bed. The sweet scent of Alex's hair filled his nostrils as he drifted off.

Alex awoke with a start. Her eyes widened when she realized that Justin was still on the bed with her. After extracting a few strands of hair from a sleeping Justin's fist, she got up and made her way to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror. "Oh my aching head!" She moaned and turned on the shower. Even though she had a whopper of a headache, she did feel better. She had let herself grieve for the first time.

Justin woke up to the soft splash of Alex in the shower. He started to massage his neck. He had a charlie horse from sleeping with his body so screwed up and with no pillow. He silently rose from the bed and slipped into his room, closing both doors between them.

~*~

After four tylenol and about gallon of water, Alex emerged from her room wearing dark sunglasses. Shae was just returning to her room from taking a dip in the pool. "Hey, how are you feeling?" Shae yelled down the hall.
Alex winced at the noise and started to giggle. "Girl, I haven't been this hung since college. I'd really like to go for a swim but I don't think my headache will fit in the elevator to get to the pool."
Shae looked at her like she'd cracked. She couldn't believe that Alex was giggling after what had happened lastnight. "Are you okay?" She asked, concerned.
"Shae, I'm fine, I guess I just needed to get that out of my system." Alex walked towards her. "I'm sorry Shae."
"Don’t worry about it."
"Yes, I will. I want to apologize for the way I acted lastnight. I really didn't mean to take it out on all of you."
Shae's expression softened. She hugged Alex. "Hey, that's what I'm here for. You can always come to me if you need someone to yell at or a shoulder to cry on."
"Thanks. I don't know where I'd be without you."
"You would be leading an extremely boring life without me!" Shae grinned.
"Have you seen anyone else this morning?"
"Yes, I just saw Chris and JC on their way downstairs about three minutes ago. Why?"
"I have to apologize to the guys too."
There was a distinct click of a door opening behind them. They both turned to see Justin coming out of his room. He was rubbing his neck and wincing.
"Well, here's your chance. You can start with Justin." Shae whispered and disappeared into her room.
Alex turned around to face him. "Justin", she began. "About lastnight - I'm sorry. I…." She trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say. "Thank you for - for what you did."
Justin smiled. "Hey, don't mention it. Are you sure you're okay"
"I am. For now anyway." Justin's hand went back to his neck to massage it again.
Alex let out a long breath. At least one apology was over with. "What's wrong with you?"
"Well, I didn't have the most comfortable sleep lastnight. I've got a knot." He arched one eyebrow.
Alex blushed slightly, "Yeah, I can be a real pain in the neck sometimes. Come on" Alex beckoned him back to her room, "Maybe I can work it out for you."

Justin was sitting on the floor leaning up against the bed. Alex was behind him, one leg on either side of his shoulders. She had been working on his neck for twenty minutes.
"I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this." She apologized.
"You're doing fine." Justin encouraged her. “Lex, I’m sorry about your baby. One of my friends miscarried last year. Although she was fine physically, and it nearly killed her emotionally.”
Alex stopped rubbing his neck for a moment. Justin turned to face her but winced and turned back. “I didn’t miscarry.” She whispered and began massaging again.
Justin’s eyes widened. “Oh my god! You had an abortion?”
“No, I had a baby girl in September.”
“Your sister is raising her, right?”
“No, she was adopted by a young couple who was not able to conceive.”
“Why? Alex, didn’t you want her.”
“Of course I did, but I couldn’t. I had nowhere to go. I hadn’t found a job yet and I had no family to lean on. What did I have to offer?”
“What about your sister? – Ow!”
Alex hadn’t realized that she had been rubbing that hard. “I’m an only child.”
“But you said – “
“I lied.”
“So I’m the only one that knows?”
“Yeah, you, and Cracy.”
“So who did you spend Christmas with?”
“I was alone. That’s why this whole thing happened yesterday. I had the entire week to think. Listen. Can we not talk about this for a while? I’ve dealt with enough for today.”
“Okay, but on one condition.”
“Shoot.”
“No more holidays alone and no more secrets.”
“That’s two conditions.”
“Okay, on those two conditions then.”
“I promise.”
“And if you ever feel like talking about it, or maybe just need some company, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you Justin.”

Voices were coming from the hotel corridor. The sound of a card slipping through the lock was followed by Shae entering the room. Joey and Lance were behind her.
"I'm starving to death. If I don't get any food in my gut, I'm going to die. Do you guys wanna come?"
"Joey, you are always dying of starvation. Ooh me next Alex, puhleez. I need a back massage." Lance whined like a school girl.
"Sorry guys, Alex is my personal masseuse. Get your own." Justin grasped Alex's hand at his shoulder and kissed it softly on the palm. "Thanks." He smiled, getting up.
Alex, still wearing her sunglasses, fell back on the bed.
"Aren't you coming Lex?" Shae asked.
"I don't think I could stomach even the smell of food this morning. But if you guys really want…" Alex giggled.
"No, that's okay. Your face looks greener than the eggs in the buffet." Joey quipped.
"I never looked good in green." Alex laughed. "You go ahead and eat. I'm gonna have a nap. Wake me up when it's time to get on the bus. I don't want to be left behind. Joey and Lance, can I talk to you for a minute, please?"
Shae pulled Justin out of the room by his sleeve.
"What's going on?" He asked her.
"Alex is apologizing about lastnight. I thought she'd probably like a little privacy."
Joey and Lance came into the hallway a few minutes later. Justin looked at them quizzically.
"Can't talk, must have food." Joey spoke and pointed to the elevator.

Alex finished her work out and made her way back to her room. She was glad that management usually booked them into a hotel that had a gym. She flipped her TV onto a music channel, poured herself a bubble bath and found her book. After an hour of reading and relaxing in the tub, she got out, gave herself a manicure, pedicure and facial. Digging through her suitcase, she found her favorite pair of blue jeans and an emerald green sweater-tee. She took her time putting on her makeup that morning. She put on a little more than usual. She was in a good mood and she wanted to look nice today. It was a special day for her. To finish off her outfit, she wore the gold locket that Justin had given her for Christmas.

Her phone rang. She rushed out of the bathroom and picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Hey Lex! What are your plans for today?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I thought I’d do a little shopping, go out for lunch and maybe take in a movie before the concert tonight. Care to join me?”
“Hmmm maybe. I’m not even out of bed yet.”
“Oh.” Alex replied, her disappointment showing.
“Hey, don’t be like that.”
“Like what?”
“Don’t be all pouty because I don’t want to go shopping with you.” Shae could tell she had hurt Alex’s feelings. “I’ll meet you for lunch kay?”
“Sure. I’ll keep my cel phone on. Call me when you’re ready to meet and we’ll make plans from there.”
“Okay, we’ll talk then. Bye.” Shae hung up before Alex could reply.
Alex saw herself frowning in the mirror over the hotel TV. “Okay, so she’s still in bed. She’ll remember at lunch, right? No frowning today.” She shook her finger at her reflection and put on a smile. “That’s better. It’s going to be a good day.” Alex found her black, leather boots in the bottom of her closet and her purse on the shelf. “I’m outta here.” She left the room.

She met Joey in the elevator on his way to the pool.
“Wow, Alex. You look really nice today.”
“Thank you Joey. Good morning to you too!” Alex smiled.
“What’s the occasion?”
Alex’s smile faded. “Oh, nothing. Just going shopping.”
The doors opened for the swimming pool floor. “Have a good one.” Joey exited the elevator. Alex glared at his back as he walked down the corridor. “Hmph.” She said to herself and pushed the buttons to take her to the lobby. Strike two.

~*~

Going shopping alone is really no fun but Alex wanted to buy a few things for herself so she stuck it out for the morning. She had found a knee-length, red, leather skirt that she just had to have. She didn’t know where, or if, she would ever wear it but she bought it anyway. It was her way of rebelling against her past. Greg would have never let her buy something like that. She bought a novel at the bookstore since she had finished her last one during her bath that morning. She also bought herself a new CD - Backstreet Boy’s Black and Blue. She’d have to make sure no one saw her with that she thought as she placed it at the bottom of her purse. She found a pub on the corner of the shopping mall. Taking her seat at a table facing the street, she ordered a drink from the waitress and dialed Shae’s phone number.

“Hello?”
“Hey Lance. Is Shae there?”
“Yeah, just a sec. She’s doing her hair.”
Alex heard the phone being passed around and then Shae asking them to put it on speaker phone.
“Hey Alex what’s up?”
“Shae! I’m tired of shopping. I’m sitting in the Olde English Pub on the corner of fourth street and fifth ave. I just ordered a red eye and I’m waiting for ya!” There was a short silence on the other end of the line. “Who’s all there?”
“Lance, JC, and I and Justin is knocking at the door.”
“Cool! Why don’t you all come for lunch? I don’t feel like hanging out in some hotel for another afternoon.”
“Well, um, Lex, you see … something’s sorta come up.” In the background, Alex heard Justin enter the room and talk with Lance and JC. Shae shushed them so she could hear the phone. “Lex? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. If you didn’t want to come, Shae, why didn’t you just tell me this morning?” Alex replied, trying to keep her voice even. “I’ll see you tonight.” She pressed end on her cel. Strike three.

The waitress had come and set her drink in front of her. Alex paid for it and gathered her things to leave. She really didn’t feel like drinking anymore. Standing up to pick up her bags, she accidentally picked one up upside down and her new book came flying out. She took her coat off again, retrieved her book from the floor and sat back down with her drink. Might as well do something I’m going to enjoy. She thought and opened the cover to the first page.

~*~

“Was that Alex?” Justin asked Shae after she had hung up the phone.
“Yeah. I think she’s in a bad mood today.”
“So you just broke a lunch date with her because you didn’t feel like going?”
“What is this Justin? Are you my mother? So I don’t feel like leaving the hotel today. I’m tired and I’m sick of restaurant food.”
“You have no idea do you?”
“Oh can it Justin. Why don’t you go meet her yourself if you’re so worried about her being out alone.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. And I am going to meet her. I just hope she’s still there when I get there.” He pulled a fleece jacket over his head and stalked out of the room. “Maybe you should check you calendar, Shae.” He yelled before he slammed the door.
“Sheesh!” Lance turned to JC. “What’s with him?” JC shrugged. Shae picked up her day planner and flipped through a couple pages.
“Oh shit!” She mumbled and dropped her book on the table.

~*~

“Miss? Can I get you another?” The waitress asked a little too cheerfully. Alex had already had two beers, if she ordered another red eye, she wouldn’t be able to read anymore.
“Yes, and one for me too – whatever she’s having.” Justin said from behind her. Alex looked up from her book and shot Justin a surprised look. He smiled and winked at her while taking a seat across the table.
Alex muttered, “What are you doing here?”
“Well, hello to you too.” Justin quipped, still smiling.
“Oh sorry. Hello Justin. Now what are you doing here.”
“I didn’t want the birthday girl to have lunch alone.” He reached over and covered her hand with his own.
“Oh.” Alex replied, turning away so he couldn’t see the tears in her eyes. “I didn’t think anyone remembered.”
“How could I forget someone so special?” Justin ran his finger along her chin and turned her face towards him. He wiped a tear off her cheek. “Hey, no crying on your birthday. That’s a rule.”
Alex finally smiled. “Are there any other rules I should be aware of?”
“Hmmm.” Justin put his finger to his lips and pretended to be in deep thought. “Yes, that you have to have fun today.”
“Oh, is that all?” Alex gave an exaggerated sigh.
“Yep, that’s it!”
“Well, here’s a good start.” They picked up their glasses and clinked them together before taking a drink.

The rest of the afternoon was spent swapping childhood stories and N’sync adventures. Justin thought it was sweet the way that Alex would laugh at every story he told. Of course, he may have exaggerated them a little but she obviously didn’t mind. He liked to watch her laugh. He couldn’t think of a time before when he had seen her laugh like that. A full out total laugh, until her sides hurt. She was so beautiful when her eyes sparkled that way. Justin was oblivious to everything else in the world but her.

“Ohmigod! Justin! Look at what time it is! We gotta go! Now!” Alex jumped up and gathered her packages.
“We don’t have time to go to the hotel. We better just get to the stadium.” Justin replied, looking at his watch for a third time and then paying the bill.

They hailed a cab and got in. Justin gave the address and instructed the driver to hurry. He pulled Alex across the seat, closer to him and kissed her. “Happy Birthday Lex.”

Justin flipped the channel for the hundredth time and swore. He glanced at the clock. 2:38 a.m. He knew it was useless trying to sleep. He really didn't want to anyway.
Since the night Alex had cried in his arms, his body ached to hold her again, to feel her soft skin against his, to smell the perfume of her hair, to touch her lips with his. To love her.
He flipped off the TV and ran his hands through his blonde curls. He opened his side of the connecting door and raised his hand to knock.

Alex woke up from a fitful sleep. She had been dreaming about Justin again. This latest dream had her blushing against the darkness. "God! You’d think you were a thirteen year old groupie, Alex." She spoke to herself out loud. She got up and walked over to the door connecting her room to Justin's. "Are you sure you know what you are doing?" She opened the door to knock on Justin's and froze. Justin was standing there, hand poised to knock, wearing only a pair of blue jeans. He held both of her wrists and gently pulled her into his room.
"Alex, I love you, and I can't go on pretending I don't." He confessed quickly, before he lost his nerve.
"Oh Justin, I can't -", She touched his face, uncertainty suddenly filling her eyes. She had been so sure less than a moment ago. Being there was different.
He bent his head to kiss her. The palm of her hand burned on his chest. The kiss she gave him back rocked him to the core. He pressed his body against hers. "Let me make love to you." He whispered. "Let me show you."
"Justin…" she breathed, her body tensing up.
"I'll be gentle, I promise I won't hurt you." He said against her throat.
"Yes." She replied. He felt her body begin to tremble as he swept her into his arms and carried her to his bed.

~*~

"Justin! Get your ass out of bed. We have an interview in half an hour!" Justin shot up straight, looking around to see if Alex and he had just been busted. He was alone in the bed. The door between their rooms was closed. Justin breathed a sigh of relief and fell back against the wall.
"Man, what happened to you? You look……."
Justin arched on eyebrow inquisitively and shot him a devilish smile.
"Hurry up", Chris said without finishing the last sentence.
"Yeah yeah, I'm getting there." He flipped the covers off his legs to get up.
"Whoah Man! If you re going to get up like that at least wait until I'm out of the room." Chris turned away. "Clothe yourself, geez"
"What?…." Justin looked down. "Oh." He pulled on his jeans as quickly as humanly possible.
"What's this?" Chris asked, picking something up from the bed. "It looks like a hair tie. Hmmm now who do I know that might wear a hair tie like this? Perhaps someone with long, blond hair? Hmmm?" Chris put his finger to his lips, eyes twinkling and a knowing smile on his lips.
"Give me that!" Justin yelped, grabbing for the object in Chris' hand.
"Nope" Chris grinned, and snatched his hand away before Justin could reach it. "I think I'll return it to Alex and let her know where I found it."
"You wouldn't." Justin groaned. "What she and I do behind the bedroom door is our own business."
"Oh so you admit it?"
"Admit what?" Justin replied, starting to gather clothes for the interview.
"Don't play dumb, Justin. It's very unbecoming." Chris pointed at the box of condoms on the night stand and smirked. "We'll meet you on the bus in twenty minutes, loverboy."
Justin sneered at the door as Chris closed it behind him. So much for privacy, he thought.
He fell back on the bed. Lastnight he had told Alex how he felt. He had told her loved her with his words and he had shown her he meant it with his body. Just thinking about the melding of flesh that had taken place only a few short hours ago had his blood racing. Still, after lastnight, he was uncertain of her feelings for him. She had never said those three words he so wanted to hear from her lips. Would he ever know how she felt? He swore softly to himself and got in the shower.

~*~

Alex had been silent on the way to the concert venue. She and Shae were meeting everyone there to prepare for the concert. The guys had been at interviews, autograph sessions and photo shoots all day.
"Anything you want to share?" Shae broke the silence.
"I think I'll just keep this one to myself, if you don't mind." Alex smiled. Her eyes were dancing like northern lights.
"Oh puhleez" Shae whined, "You have been strange all day."
"I'm not the type to kiss and tell." Alex replied slyly.
"Oh", Shae looked disappointed. Then a look of realization crept over her face, "Oh, Oh! Oooooooh! You and Justin? He finally kissed you, didn't he? Oh come on, I can't take this any more. I'm dying of suspense here. Tell me, tell me, tell, me."
Alex gave a short, throaty laugh.
"Oooh," Shae grinned, that look of realization coming back. "I know that laugh and it is not a he-kissed-me laugh, that is a full blown that-man-is-incredible-and-I-would-know laugh. I know you better than you think I do Alex."
Alex blushed. "Shae! You are unbelievable."
"So how was it?"
Alex turned a deeper shade of scarlet. She gasped. "Shae!"
"By the looks of your face at this very moment, I'd say it was amazing."
"It was." Alex smiled and changed the subject, wishing Shae would stop smirking at her like that.

Alex and Shae arrived at the stadium early for once. Alex had many things to do before the guys could go on stage. She gave herself some extra time too. She hoped maybe she could steel a few moments alone with Justin. She hadn’t seen him since that morning when she left his room as he lay sleeping. They had been at interviews and photo shoots all day. She wanted to make sure that he didn’t get the wrong impression by her leaving his room before he awoke. That morning she had heard Chris knocking on the door and left Justin’s room before Chris decided to come in.

Justin and Lance met them at the door. Alex had to elbow Shae in the ribs three times so she would stop smirking before they got close enough for Lance to see her expression. She did not make eye contact with Justin, too afraid that one look in his eyes would reveal everything. Lance spoke first.
"Alex, there is a man here asking for you. Do you know anything about it?" Justin saw Alex's shoulders immediately tense up. Her expression changed to worry and perhaps even fear.
"Who?" Alex spoke so quietly Justin and Shae could not hear her.
“He didn’t say his name, just that he needs to talk to you.”
Alex grew quiet and looked down at the floor. “What does he look like?” She asked Lance meekly.
"Oh, he's about forty, I guess, long face, thin, wire frame glasses …"
Alex pushed past him through the entrance. Shae and Justin exchanged worried looks.
"It better not be Greg." Lance voiced the concern on each of their minds. They followed her into the stadium.

Alex found the man leaning up against a wall at the end of the corridor.
“Robert. How are you?” Alex extended her hand to him.
“Alex.” The man stood up and shook hands with her.
“I wish I could say it’s nice to see you but I’m pretty sure this isn’t a social call.”
“Yes, you’re right. Is there somewhere we can talk?”
“Over here.” Alex shuffled him to a table in the corner of the wardrobe room.

Alex had been talking to the stranger in the corner for twenty minutes. She had a very pained look on her face. Justin could not take his eyes off the couple. He jumped when Shae put her hand on his shoulder. From where they were sitting, they could only hear short pieces of the conversation. Alex's hands were animating what she was saying.
"I don't want any part of it." She said flatly, but loud enough for them to hear.
"Take some time to think and then call me." The man pressed a thick envelope into her hand and walked away.

Alex threw up her hands in frustration and re-joined the group. She was visibly shaken. Shae gave her a bear hug and asked if she was all right. "That was my lawyer, Robert. Greg's dead."
"I'm sorry." Lance whispered.
"That makes one of us." Alex replied.
“How did he die?”
“You know, I didn’t even think to ask.”
"Hey guys, come on, we're waiting!" Chris yelled from the hallway.
"Duty calls." Shae stood up and dragged Lance out of the room.
"There's more, isn't there?", Justin put his arms around her.
"Yes, I have to go back to get some things from the house and take care of some other business."
"Can't someone else do that for you?"
"No, Robert says I need to sign papers, go through documents, blah blah blah. My name is still on the deed to the house so legally it’s mine and I don’t want it. I also have to be present for the reading of the will. I don’t want any of it."
"I don't think you should go back there alone. I’ll go with you."
"Justin, you have other obligations that you shouldn’t miss. I’ll be fine. I’m used to being alone, remember?”
"Well you better get used to not being alone as long as I’m around. I’ll cancel a few interviews and postpone a couple of photo shoots. No big deal.”
Alex looked annoyed. “Justin, I can take care of myself. You have more important things to worry about!”
“You are the most important thing I worry about and I won’t take no for an answer."
“Okay.” Alex conceded. “We’ll shuffle our schedules tonight and I’ll make travel arrangements tomorrow. You'd better go get ready."
"Yeah", Justin hugged her. “Alex, relax. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He kissed her cheek before he hurried to get ready.
Alex closed her eyes. What perfect timing! She was just finding happiness and Greg had managed to ruin for her, yet again, in spite of the fact that he was dead. A trip to her past would hardly be a romantic getaway for her and Justin. She sighed. She knew that she had strong feelings for Justin. He was on her mind every waking moment, and even when she slept. Was she in love with him? She couldn't say. Couldn't or wouldn't? Wouldn't. The last person she said that to had broken more than just her heart.

~*~

Shae found Alex after the guys went on stage for their last set. She could tell Alex had been crying and tried to comfort her.
“Want to talk about it?” She asked.
“Not really.” Alex mumbled and wiped her eyes with a tissue.
“It’s okay to cry. He was part of your life for a long time and you did love him.” Shae consoled.
Alex snorted. “You think I’m crying over Greg? No way. I would never shed a tear for him. I hope he rots in hell.”
“Alex, if you don’t care if he’s dead, then why ARE you crying?”
“That’s why. Because I don’t care. Another human being is dead and I don’t care. In fact, I’m kinda glad. That scares me, you know?” Alex turned to face Shae. “Does that make me a monster? What if I never care about anything?”
“Shhh, don’t think like that.” Shae handed her another tissue. “You CAN care. You DO know how. You care about Justin. And I think you care about me.”
Alex gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, you ‘re all right.” Shae shoved her arm playfully.
“All right? Darlin’, I am a super model and you are just jealous cuz you vant to be like me.” Shae said in her best french accent.
Alex laughed. “Whatever! Do you think your ego will fit on the bus? I’m going to fall asleep before we get back to the hotel. I think I’ll steel Justin’s bunk until we get there.”
“Let’s go.”

"So am I going to get to see an Saskquatch?" Shae grinned.
"I'm not sure, we'll see how much of your luggage is going to fit on the dogsled when we land." Alex smiled at her friend. When Shae had learned that Alex was returning to Toronto, she volunteered herself and all five guys to go with her. She hadn't known that Justin was going to go anyway but she wasn't about to let her friend go through any of this alone.
The seatbelt light came on and the pilot announced the descent into Toronto.
"Where are the igloos?" Chris yelled from behind them. "I can't see them. Are you sure this is Canada, Alex?"
"Oh Chris, the Canada jokes are getting really old" She groaned.
"I don't know what you are talking a-boot." He grinned innocently. "I was just asking a simple question." Alex burst out laughing. The look on Chris' face was priceless and she couldn't help herself. Chris fed her one liners for the whole descent, keeping Alex in stitches the entire time. “Can we get doughnuts? So before you were our wardrobe co-ordinator were you a lumberjack or a curler?” She didn't stop until the plane had landed.
"Oh Chris, I can always count on you to keep me smiling." She smiled as they got ready to get off the plane.
Chris didn't say a word. He just shot her a confused look and shook his head. Shae smiled and shrugged. Meanwhile, Alex had started giggling again like she was going to bust a gut.
Since Alex was in familiar territory, everyone followed her to the luggage carousel, and then to the car rental counter. She rented an SUV to fit all seven of them. It might be a little squishy but it would do.

"Alex, the light has changed." Shae gently reminded her friend. No one had said much in the truck as they drove down the freeway. Alex was obviously somewhere far, far away. She would have preferred not to drive but no one else knew the city as well as she did.
"Does anyone need to stop anywhere or can we go straight to the house?" Alex asked.
"Are you sure you want to go to the house today?" Shae asked, concerned that Alex might be taking on too much for one day.
"The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can leave." She turned to look at the guys in the back. "I really appreciate your coming here with me. It means a lot to me to have friends close to me. Thank you."
Justin reached he hand up to the front seat and squeezed her shoulder.

Alex was silent for the rest of the drive. We must be close, they all thought. Alex pulled up in front of a white house with blue trim and shut off the engine.
"Stay here." She said to everyone and got out of the vehicle. Justin held his breath as he watched the woman he loved walk up the step and unlock the door. The door to the house swung open. Alex took a step back and stood perfectly still. The six occupants of the truck watched silently. Justin unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door. "Justin, she said to stay here." Lance whispered. Justin got out and closed the door.

Alex heard Justin come up the steps behind her.
"I thought I could do this. I'm not as strong as I thought." She said without making eye contact.
"You don't have to. We can get back in the car and leave and never come back if that is what you want to do."
"No, this is something I need to do. To say good bye."
Justin slipped his arm around her waist and held her hand in his. "We'll go together."

Chris watched from the car and spoke out loud. "The sexual tension between those two could drive a person crazy." Lance, JC and Joey stared at him. "I think it's starting to affect his stage performance."
Shae whacked him on the shoulder. "Shut up." She said in disbelief. "You don't know that anything is going on at all between them."
"Oh yes I do, and don't tell me that you don't. I know that women talk."
"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about." Shae glared at him then turned around to face the front.
"Yeah right." Chris said under his breath.

Alex took the first step inside the front door and stopped again. "You can tell the others to come in. I'm only going to be here for a little bit but I'm sure they want to stretch their legs after the flight. It's okay if they come in." Justin kissed her hair and went back outside to tell the others.

Alex hadn't moved by the time they got back to the house. There were boxes everywhere. Alex had called a cleaning and moving company to start packing up before she got there. She kicked off her shoes and headed for the stairs. All six people followed. "I'll give you the tour." She beckoned.

At the top of the stairs, she stopped to finger a crack in the drywall. Unconsciously, her other hand went to the back of her head to feel the scar there. Justin and Shae exchanged worried looks.

The contents of each room had been packed up, except for the closet in the main bedroom. Joey had overheard Alex call the packing company three days before. She had given strict orders for them not to touch the contents of this closet in particular. Alex started rummaging through the clothes and shoes. After ten minutes, she came out empty handed with a confused look on her face.
"Oh right! I moved it downstairs.” She said to herself more than to any one else. Then she spun on her heel and left the room, running down the stairs. The others, looking bewildered, followed. When they got to the front room, Alex was leaning her ear up against the hearth of the fireplace and punching the bricks one by one.

Justin fell to his knees beside her and grabbed her wrists. "Alex!" He shouted. "What are you doing?"

“I have to find it, it's here, It's got to be." Alex wriggled her wrists from Justin's grip and ran her fingers along the grout lines. “Aha, I found it!” She punched another brick, paused to listen, then punched it a second time. A small piece of mortar crumbled to the floor as Alex struck it a third time. Justin’s hands rose to stop her again and she pushed him away. "I found it." She said flatly. She pulled the brick out and gave it to Justin. He was looking at her as if she had gone half mad. She rolled up her sleeve and stuck her arm in the hole. Closing her eyes she felt around a brief moment before her fingers brushed a solid flat surface. She pulled out a small box wrapped in brown paper. Setting it on the hearth, she stared at it for a very long time. After a moment she noticed the skin on her knuckles was broken and bloodied. Cursing to herself, she got up, made her way to the kitchen sink and washed off her wounds. "Let's get out of here." She said to them. She picked up the gift box and led them outside.

Without one word being spoken, they piled into the truck. "Good bye" Alex whispered. "Good bye", she ran her hand across the window as if to wave. Then she started the engine and drove off.

The sun crept in through the curtains and found it’s way to Justin’s eyes. He groaned and rolled over. His left arm searched the other side of the bed only to find it empty. “Lex?” He opened his eyes.
“Good morning sleepy.” Alex smiled from in front of the mirror. She was looking very business-like. She was wearing a pale lavender, two-piece suit. The skirt was a-line, down to her knees. The matching jacket had buttons up the front. Underneath the jacket, she wore a fitted, striped mint green and white tee. A green silk scarf was tied around her slender neck and knotted at the side. She was in the process of pulling back her hair into a tight french twist.
Justin did a double take to make sure it was really her in the bedroom. “Alex, you look like a librarian, or an-an accountant or something. What with the gettup?” Justin propped himself up on his elbow. Alex finished spraying her hair and sat down on the bed beside him. She toyed with the buttons on the front of her suit.
“I wanted to look … well, I wanted to look.” Her voice trailed off and she picked at imaginary lint on her skirt. “I want them to take me seriously. I don’t think they would if I showed up in a pair of bell bottom jeans and a halter, although I’d be much more comfortable in that.”
Justin giggled. “I’d rather see in you in the jeans and halter.” Alex didn’t laugh. Justin pulled her down so that she was lying beside him on the bed. “Nervous?”
“Very. I have to face his family, and they are ALL going to be there. I know how that family works and I’ll tell you, it’s not going to be pleasant.”
“Are you sure you won’t let me come with you?”
“And drag you into the snake pit with me? Forget it! You’d have a much more enjoyable afternoon if you were going for a root canal.”
“I can be ready in ten minutes. Just say the word.”
“Probably not a good idea to take you to the reading of my ex’s will. I’m not going to let you bear the weight of that stress.”
“I’ve got strong shoulders. I can handle it.” Justin grinned and flexed his bicep.
“I appreciate it, Justin. I really do but this is something I have to do myself. “
“I understand. But just for the record, I hate you doing this alone.”
“Are you going back to your room this morning? Or are you going to let them wonder where you are when they discover your hotel room is empty?” Alex asked, changing the subject.
“I don’t really care one way or the other. Do you?”
“No, not really. I just don’t want this getting back to management. Not yet anyway. Johnny might accuse me of seducing you.”
“Hmmm, you seducing me. I like the thought of that.” Justin growled and wrapped his arm around Alex. She giggled and pulled his face closer to hers, kissing him gently.
“I gotta go. Robert is meeting me in the hotel lobby in ten. And you get up and get back to your own room before someone finds out. I can just see the headlines now. ‘Youngest N’sync heart throb defiled by wardrobe personnel.’”
Justin groaned. “Alex, it’s not like that.”
“I know it and you know it but you have a very public reputation to think about. I’ll come straight to your room when I get back this afternoon.” With that she was gone.

~*~

It was late afternoon. Joey and Chris were watching TV and arguing over whom would win if superman and Spiderman were to go head to head in a fight.
“Superman for sure.” Joey said.
“No way!” Chris argued.
“He’s the fastest and strongest. Some flimsy little spiderwebs aren’t gonna keep him back.”
“Okay, you got me there. But Peter Parker could kick the crap out of Clark Kent.”
“Arrgghh. No way!”
“Please would you two stop!” Justin quit pacing by the window to glare at his friends.
“Would you sit down? You’re making me dizzy pacing like that!” Chris glared back.
“Look!” Joey added, “We know you are worried but you gotta relax, man. Alex is a lot stronger than you realize.”
“Yes, I do realize that.” Justin finally sat down on the bed beside Chris. “I just wish I could hold her and make this all go away for her, you know? She’s been through so much. I just want it to go away.” Justin sat in the chair and ran his hand through his hair.
“If you want a girl that is going to let you take care of her, you better look somewhere else because Alex isn’t the type.” Chris said to Justin.
“That’s not what I meant. I just wish I could find a way for her to be happy without this crap looming in the background.”
Chris shrugged. “It will be over soon enough. Just have patience.”
“Geez, leave it to me to fall in love with someone who has more emotional baggage than the LAX. You should have seen how nervous she was when she left this morning. She was awake half the night.”
“How would you know?” Joey grinned.
Justin looked annoyed. “Well, what I mean is…” He trailed off.
Chris interrupted. “What he means is you owe me five bucks.” He clapped Joey on the back.
Joey opened his wallet and threw some bills at Chris. “One of these days I’m going to win a bet with you.”
“Oh gawd! I can’t believe you guys!” Justin ranted.
Joey and Chris exploded into fits of schoolgirl giggles.

Shae and Lance entered the room.
“So, did you find anything interesting?” Chris asked.
“No, just an arcade with a pool table. This not leaving the hotel rule really sucks.” Lance replied.
“Well ya’ll are here of your own free will. No one forced you to come.” Justin interjected.
Shae sat down and leafed through the phone book. “Promising you wouldn’t leave the hotel was the only way Johnny was going to let you come. That and making sure we would be back in time for your birthday bash.”
“Where’s JC?” Joey asked Shae.
“I think he’s sleeping.”
“When is Lex going to be back?”
“Not soon enough for Casanova here.” Chris grinned in Justin’s direction.
“That’s it! I’ve had it.” Justin yelled and lunged at Chris sitting on the bed. Chris yelped and tried you jump out of the way but he wasn’t fast enough. Justin wrestled with him on the floor and then caught him in a headlock. “Say it! You have to say it or I’ll never let you go!” Justin taunted. Chris remained silent.
“SAY IT!” Justin laughed evilly.
“Never!” Chris sputtered as Justin tightened his grip. Chris’s face turned red.
“Mmmph grmph, gimph hmmm.”
“Louder! I can’t hear you!” He laughed again.
“Justin rules.”
Justin immediately let go and Chris fell to the bed. Justin waved his hands in the air and chanted “Go Justin! Go Justin! Go! Go! Go!” while wiggling his derriere. Chris laughed as Shae, Lance and Joey all threw pillows at Justin. Justin abruptly stopped dancing when he noticed that Alex had returned. She kicked her shoes off in the vicinity of the closet. Her face was grim and her eyes were expressionless. “Rough Day?” Justin whispered when she came close enough to hear. She bit her lip and nodded. Alex stepped over Chris, who was still on the floor catching his breath. She walked over to Justin and fell into his open arms. Once she was safe in his embrace, she let the tears flow freely. Justin whispered in her ear and stroked her hair while she let her emotions spill out.
The room had grown silent when she lifted her head from Justin’s shoulder. “Feel better?” he asked. She nodded again and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I can’t believe how cruel some people can be.” Alex muttered between tears and hiccups.
“Greg’s family was upset that you were there?”
“Mostly his mom. What really hurts, too is that we used to be friends, you know? We’d go shopping and meet for lunch all the time - when I was with Greg.”
“She thought you shouldn’t have been there?”
“I think the exact words she used were ‘conniving little bitch’ who was only after Greg’s money. She will never forgive me for leaving him.”
“Lex, why didn’t you tell her the truth about him?” Shae asked from the other side of the room.
“Shae, would you want to hear a bunch of awful things about someone you loved after they are dead? It wouldn’t change anything now. It’s over now. It’s over and we can leave tomorrow.”
“What about the house?” Joey interjected.
“I’ve made arrangements with Robert. He’s going to take care of everything. He’s got my contact information if anything pressing comes up.” Alex pulled herself from Justin’s embrace and walked towards the door. “I’m going to change. Does anyone feel like eating? I’m famished. “ Four heads bobbed in unison. “Come to my room in fifteen. We can order something in.”
Justin let out a sigh after the door closed behind Alex. “Thank God that’s over.”

Four months had passed since the traumatic trip down memory lane for Alex. She was slowly recovering emotionally. Justin had had a lot to do with that too. He had been there for her smiles and her tears. He had been there when she needed someone to talk to and when she needed someone to hold her. Most of all, he was just always there for her.
Sometimes though Justin still wasn’t sure of Alex’s feelings for him. She had become more than just a girlfriend to him. She had become his best friend, lover and confidante. There wasn’t anything she didn’t know about him. There was nothing he didn’t know about her except if she loved him. Even though he hadn’t told her since the first night they spent together. She had never said it and that was what bothered him the most.

~*~
Talk had turned to the break they would be getting at the end of the month. The guys were busy in the studio recording for their next album for three weeks so they only got one week holidays. Shae and Alex would have four weeks off. Shae had plans to go home and visit with family. Alex was still undecided what she was going to do. Luckily, no one had quizzed her about her plans. Yet.
"Wow, four weeks without all of you! I don't think I'll want to come back." Shae grinned
"Oh I think there is a certain someone who will keep you coming back. Maybe two." Alex smiled ruefully
Shae elbowed her in the ribs and blushed, turning away so no one could see.
"I'm going to veg right out in my backyard for the entire holiday."
"That's what you do every holiday, Chris." Justin laughed. "What are you going to do Alex?"
All eyes in the room turned to her. "I think I'll rent a cabin and catch up with some trashy historical romances. I'm looking forward to the quiet." She replied
"Aren't you going to be lonely?"
"Nope, hopefully I can get the same cabin I rented at Christmas."
"You mean you didn't go home for Christmas?" Shae's eyes wide.
"Shae, I didn't exactly have much of a home to go to at Christmas." She looked straight at her and then turned away.
Shae bit her lip and silently chastised herself for being so insensitive. How did Alex manage to sneak away at Christmas without any of them knowing she would be alone? Between the six of them, how did they manage not to figure it out?
"You told me you went to your sister's for Christmas." Shae said carefully.
"Shae, I’m an only child." Alex replied evenly. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I didn't want your pity. I needed the time alone too. Please don't be mad."
"Mad at you? Never. But next Christmas, you are coming home with me. Maybe my Mom will think you're my lesbian lover and stop nagging me about grandkids."
"It's a deal."
"All right! Lesbians! Can I watch?"
"Get lost Joey."
"Abuse, that's all I get! Shit and abuse!"
"Hey! Why don’t you guys come and join me at the lake on your week off? Your families will probably be sick of you after three weeks. If anyone wants to join me, you are welcome. It's a huge, 5 bedroom cabin, with a fireplace, private beach down at the waterfront. Gorgeous scenery, the lake is a little cold but you get used to it after 10 minutes.
"I'll have to pick you up at the closest airport and we'll drive in together. I wouldn't trust any of you to find it yourself. It's way up north."
Chris gasped in mock horror. "I don't have a snow suit! How are we going to get there with no roads? Is there running water? I don't have to use an outhouse, do I?"
Alex whacked on the shoulder. "Everyone but you gets to use the indoor plumbing, Chris!" She laughed, happy that she wouldn't be alone for the entire four weeks.

*******************************

Alex was glad to have a break. Being alone at the cabin had given her lots of time to think about where she was in her life and where she wanted to go with it. She had avoided thinking about Justin as much as she could but that was pretty much impossible. She had started to have dreams about him again too, which didn't help matters any.
They had said good bye to each other the night before she left for the cabin. She didn’t want to make it into a long drawn out process. They had dinner together and kissed their good bye’s at the hotel where she stayed at the airport. She flew out the next morning, tired and cranky. She had been up all night thinking about how much she was going to miss him over the next three weeks.
She wouldn’t be able to even call him, but she had deliberately come to the cabin because it had no phone, tv or computers. Being completely cut off from the outside world for three weeks had really relaxed her. She ached to be close to Justin again.
She rose early the morning she was to meet them at the airport. Alex savoured the four hour drive of peace and quiet before she was invaded. It would be her last quiet hours for a very long time.


“Hey Alex.” Chris called from the luggage carousel in the airport. Alex turned her head just in time to be ambushed by Shae. Alex yelped as Shae gave her a tight bear hug.
“You’re not allowed to go on holidays where I can’t phone you. Missed ya hon!”
“I missed you all!” Alex replied. “It has been so quiet by myself. I’m ready for a little excitement in my life once again.” Alex hugged Lance, Chris, JC and Joey one by one. She turned to Shae. “Where’s Justin?” Panic edged slightly in her voice.
“Relax, he’s here. He had to pick up his luggage at the oversize baggage counter.”
Chris slapped his forehead. “I told him not to pack all of his hair products!” Alex turned and swept her eyes over the sea of people, searching for a blonde figure. Spying one that looked familiar, she rushed over to it and tapped him on the shoulder. Justin turned around and nearly fell over when Alex thrust herself into his arms. Neither one said a word. They just stood there in a tight embrace.
“That was the longest three weeks of my life.” Justin finally whispered, breaking off the hug and holding Alex out at arm’s length. “Wow! Are you a sight for sore eyes.” He smiled as she hugged him again. “I brought something for you but you have to let go of me so I can give it to you.”
“I don’t want to let go.” Alex grinned.
“It’ll be worth it, I promise.”
“Well since you put it that way…” Alex reluctantly let go of Justin and took a step back. Justin bent down to a large gray carry case that Alex had just noticed for the first time. He opened the door and reached in.
“Oh my god you didn’t! Justin! Oh my god! You…I…Oh my god!”
Justin stood up with a sleeping puppy cuddled in his arms. “You worried me so much being alone for the past three weeks that I had to get you a bodyguard to protect you when I can’t be around.” Alex gently took the dozing dog from Justin.
“Justin, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me! Thank you. He’s… she’s….?” She trailed off and looked at him quizzically.
“It’s a he.” He smiled.
“He’s beautiful. He’s gorgeous! What’s his name?”
“I thought you’d like to name him.”
“Oh wow! I can’t believe this.”
Chris and Shae joined them with their luggage. “Hey! Let’s get going Alex okay? I’m anxious to see this cabin.” Shae said.
“Yeah and the outhouse and everything.” Chris groaned.
“Okay Chris, if you promise that you won’t bug me about being Canadian, I’ll let you use the bathroom and the shower and even the microwave.” Alex teased.
“You have a microwave at a cabin?” Chris’ eyes widened.
“Oh yeah, it’s really roughin’ it! I parked the car out this way. Come on.” Alex beckoned.
JC volunteered to drive the entire four hours back to the lake. Alex was more than happy to let him. It gave her a chance to cuddle her new puppy and to be cuddled by Justin. It was going to be a fun week!

So what are you going to name him? Shae asked plopping down on the couch beside Alex.
“I think I’ll name him Frankfurt.” Alex replied.
“Frankfurt?” Lance questioned from the kitchen.
“Yeah! Frankfurt. Do you gotta problem with that.” Alex stuck her chin out defiantly and pretended to glare at Lance. He put his hands in front of him, palms out.
“No, no problem lady.” Lance feigned fear.
“Can I call him Frankie?” Shae held out a piece of beef jerky for the puppy sitting in Alex’s lap.
“Shae, you can’t give him that! He’s not old enough! He’s just a baby.” Alex scolded.
“Oh my god Lex! You’d think you were a mom!” Shae teased.
Justin’s head snapped up to see a flash of pain cross Lex’s face before she had time to cover it up. Alex pretended to ignore the last comment. “Yes, you can call him Frankie. I think it’s very fitting.” She set the dog on the floor and moved into the kitchen. “How does soup and sandwiches sound for lunch?” She asked JC, Lance and Chris, who were playing lambsy divey rummy at the table.
“Sounds good.” Chris replied without looking up from his cards.
JC threw his cards on the table. “I’ll help! I’m losing miserably.” He rummaged through a few drawers to find a can opener, opened a few cans of soup and dumped them into a pot on the stove. “Phew, this is hard work slaving in the kitchen for hours like this.” He wiped his forehead with a dishtowel. I think I need a rest. He walked over to the couch and stretched out.
“Good one Jace.” Joey laughed.
Alex opened the fridge and started stacking sandwich stuff on the counter. "Is there anything that anyone doesn't want on their sandwich? I'll make a whole bunch but if you don't speak now, you're all getting the same thing whether you like it or not!"
Shae grinned, "Are you kidding? Have you ever seen Joey eat? I don't think he even tastes the food going down!."
"Very funny." Joey mumbled from behind his book in the living room.
"No mustard on mine please." Shae's eyes twinkled.
"Oh no!" Lance jumped from the table towards the stove. "I didn't know you could burn soup!"
Tomato soup was bubbling down the sides of the pot and all over the top of the stove. "Uh oh!" Alex gasped. She whirled around to reach the paper towels, nearly colliding with Lance. He threw his hands in the air to get out of her way. Alex flinched and then cowered away from him. "Hey, no one is going to hurt you here." Lance soothed, not sure of what had just taken place. Justin, concerned, moved behind Alex and put his hand on her waist. She jumped at his touch, turned on her heel and ran out the door.


10 minutes later, Shae came out to the deck where Alex was sitting on the rail. "Hi"
"Hi" Alex smiled timidly
"Ghosts?"
"Yeah. Once I burned soup for Greg. He threw me across the kitchen and cracked three of my ribs."
"He can't hurt you any more."
"I know, sometimes I just need to be reminded."
Shae put her arms around her friend. "Let's go eat. JC finished making the sandwiches."
"Are they safe?"
"Hey! I heard that!" JC yelled from the kitchen.
"I'll be a minute, you go ahead Shae."
Lance, JC and Justin were silent when Shae returned. "You heard that entire conversation didn't you?" She could tell by the look on Justin's face. He closed his eyes and muttered under his breath. His hands gripped the edge of the counter, knuckles white.
Lance frowned. "I didn't mean to -"
"I know," Shae interrupted, "and so does she. She's just… haunted. She is the only one who can exorcise the demons from her past. We can only love and support her when she needs it. And be patient." She added looking at Justin.
"She's lucky to have you." JC smiled and hugged Shae.
Alex chose that exact moment to re-enter the cabin. "Hey, no one hugs here without me!" She ran over to Shae, wrapped her arms around her and JC and pulled Justin towards them by the front of his shirt. "Awwwww I wuf you guys. Come on group hug, Ooooh group huuuuuug."
Chris shot her a crazed look from the table. "You are so cheezy." He said to Alex.
"Hey! What can I say? Fromage is my middle name!" She grinned. "Now let's eat. I want to go swimming."
"Lex! You've been swimming three times already just this morning!"
"What are holidays at the lake for?" Alex asked in disbelief. “I’m going to teach Frankfurt how to backstroke.”

*************************

“Alex,” Shae whined, “Why won’t you tell us anything? Where are you taking us?”
“You’ll see, have patience. We are almost there.” Alex smiled at Shae in the rearview mirror. After a full day of swimming and relaxing, Alex had made them all shower and change and get in her car. The rest of her plans she hadn’t told, only that she was taking them out. Five minutes later, they pulled up in front of a large building in the middle of a huge gravel parking lot. Only six other cars were parked along the front. Above them, a pink neon sign blinked Tiny’s.
“Oh my God.” Chris groaned form the back seat. “This looks like Porky’s revenge!”
“Oh relax, Chris,” Alex scolded. “I used to work here, it’s a great place. Only regulars come here and it’s really fun. I just thought I’d give you guys a glimpse of my past life.” Alex turned off the engine and got out of the car. Reluctantly, everyone else did the same. She walked up to the giant, rough cut wooden door and pulled on the handle. The door didn’t budge. It was locked up tight.
“Well gee, can’t say we didn’t try.” Lance shrugged and turned towards the car. Alex’s hand shot out and caught him by the shirt sleeve.
“Not so fast Lance.” She let go of his sleeve and timidly knocked on the door. No answer. Alex balled her hand into a fist and pounded on the door. The noise resonated behind the door making the building sound hollow. After about a minute the door opened to reveal a young girl with red curly hair and freckles on her nose. “You must be Andrea. You’ve sure grown” Alex bent down to the girl’s eye level.
The girl nodded. “We don’t open ‘til eight o’clock. You hafta wait.”
JC groaned, “That’s not for an hour yet! Alex, let’s just go back to the cabin.”
“Shh JC, just give me a minute.” Alex turned back to the little girl. “Is Tiny here?” The girl nodded and disappeared back into the bar. Alex stepped in the doorway and shooed everybody into the entrance. Joey jumped when the door fell shut behind them.
“Why do I get a bad feeling about this?” He whispered to Justin. The room was a bevy of activity. The centre of the room was a sea of tables and chairs. Six girls wearing black hot pants and neon pink tank tops were cleaning chairs and wiping tables to get ready for opening. To the right, at the front was a large stage. Three guitars, a drum set, a keyboard and several microphones were being set up by a guy in a black, iron maiden t-shirt. At the back of the room, straight across from the stage, on the other side of the seating area, a large bar lined the wall. The young red headed girl had gone behind the bar and climbed up a long flight of stairs to what looked like a DJ booth. Seconds later, the door opened and she came out of the room. Justin’s eyes widened at the sight of the man that followed her. He was a huge, hulk of a man as wide as he was tall. He was slightly balding and had a large tattoo on his bulging bicep. Justin thought the creaky stairs would collapse under the weight of the man. The little girl jumped off the third last step and pointed to the group standing at the doorway. “We’re not open ‘til eight! You’ll hafta wait outside.” The man bellowed in a thick Irish accent. Lance drew in a sharp breath and tried to convince someone to leave with him before the large man made his way across the room.
“Tiny, you big bastard! Get your ass over here!” Alex yelled back.
“That huge ogre is named Tiny?” Chris squeaked incredulously.
“That’s it, I’m outta here.” JC fell in behind Lance and reached for the door.
The large man padded his pockets and then bent down and whispered something to the little girl. She scurried back up the stairs and into the room at the top. “The only person who has the guts to talk to me like that left here a year ago and hasn’t called or written since.” He wove his way through the maze of tables and chairs towards Alex. Shae was giggling at the guys, who were acting like scared little girls ready to run away at any second. The little girl returned from the DJ booth and followed the man back to Alex. She slipped a pair of glasses into his hand. He thanked her and put them on. “Alex!” He grinned a huge toothy smile and held his arms open.
“Tiny!” Alex walked towards him and returned his hug.
“I heard you were back in these parts.” He looked back the girls cleaning the tables and yelled. “Kalya!” When there was no response, he asked the little girl to go retrieve someone named Kalya. “Yes Daddy.” She giggled and skipped away.
Chris, JC, Joey, Justin and Lance all stared in stunned silence. Not only was his name Tiny, he was also a someone’s Daddy!
“Tiny, these are my friends, Joey, Chris, JC, Justin, Lance and Shae.” Each mumbled a wide eyed greeting as Alex said their names.
Tiny soon had them sitting at a table with a round of drinks in front of them. Alex and he were laughing and catching up on the last year. At eight o’clock the doors opened and people started to spill in. After forty five minutes, there wasn’t a seat to be had in the entire place.
“Who ya got playing tonight?” Alex asked Tiny.
“Lexington Avenue.” Tiny replied with sly smile.
“Lexington Avenue? Really? Omigod, no way. I thought they’d be on their way to the big time by now.” Alex sounded surprised.
“They would be but they lost their original lead singer. They haven’t been able to find someone with as much talent as she had.” Tiny said with a sly grin. “I’ll think they will stay with us a little longer.” Alex’s expression changed.
“Lexington Avenue is a really great band .” She explained to the guys and Shae. “Your ears are really in for a treat tonight.”
Little Andrea reappeared with a beautiful young woman in tow. The older girl, about 19 years of age, was a mature version of the younger. When she saw Alex she squealed. “Alexandra! I can’t believe you’re here!” Alex stood up to give the girl a hug. “Wait till I tell the rest of the girls, They’ll just die!”
“No Kal, don’t tell them. I’m just here for a visit.” Alex sat back down between Tiny and Justin.
“I’ll be hearin’ none o’that nonsense.” Kalya responded with a wave of a finger.
“No really, Kal,” Alex pleaded. “I’m on holidays and I’m not going to work tonight. Besides, I don’t have my uniform.” Alex smiled, thinking she had put a stop to the conversation and had made her point clear.
Kalya bent down and whispered something in Tiny’s ear that made him laugh out loud. He grinned mischeviously and looked at Alex.
Alex threw her hand out in front of her and started to protest. “No Tiny! Don’t even think of it. I’m not-“ Tiny stood up, pulled Alex’s chair out and threw her over his shoulder. Alex yelled and giggled at the same time. She looked pleadingly at Justin and then to Chris.
“Don’t look at me,” Lance said to her. “Have you seen the size of that guy?”
Tiny laughed more and carried Alex through a door behind the bar. Kalya turned back to the shocked expression on Shae’s face and smiled. “Don’t worry, Daddy loves Alex like another daughter. He’s not going to hurt her.” She laughed and turned to Little Andrea. “Come on munchkin, you hafta get outta here before the band starts. You’re not old enough yet.” The two girls quickly disappeared through the door that Tiny had just taken Alex.
Shae broke the stunned silence that followed at their table. “Whoah, tough break for Alex, making her work when she didn’t want to. Look at this place. I can’t imagine serving drinks and waiting on tables in this crowd.”
All five men nodded in agreement.
Twenty minutes later Kalya returned with another round of drinks for the group. Joey pulled out his wallet to pay her. “No, Daddy says don’t worry about the bill tonight. Any friend of Alex’s is a friend of ours.” She winked at Joey and pointed to the bar. Tiny was standing behind the bar laughing at them and waved. There was no sign of Alex. She must be waiting on tables at the other end of the bar, Justin thought. This place was huge, it would be easy to go the whole night without seeing her.
Moments later, the crowd quieted a bit as the lights dimmed. Tiny walked across the stage to the microphone. “Live tonight! Just back from a mini-tour of the Maritimes, it’s Lexington Avenue!” The lights flashed red, yellow and orange as band members took to the stage. The band started to play a vamp as one of the guitar players spoke into the mic.
“How you feelin?” He yelled in to the crowd. The crowd clapped and cheered. “The first song we’re gonna play for you is an oldie, but you all know what it means!” He started to play his guitar and sing. The song was Girl, you really got me going. When he got to the end he repeated the chorus twice and then yelled at the crowd again. “She can’t hear me alone. If you want her to come out on stage you all have to sing with me!.” He played his guitar and sang the chorus again.

Girl, you really got me going,
You got me so I can’t sleep at night.
Oh yeah, You really got me now…..

Shae and they guys were completely enjoying themselves, caught up in the hype and energy of the people. Justin looked around for a quick glance of Alex but he could only see Kalya. She smiled, waved at him, and continued singing along with the band. The crowd grew louder and louder, chanting something that Justin couldn’t quite make out.
A tall woman appeared on the stage and the crowd got louder still. She was wearing a neon pink and green, micro-mini kilt and a tight white tank top similar to the one’s the waitresses had on. Joey wiggled his eyebrows at the cleavage she was showing. She had black patent leather 3 inch platforms on which tied all the way up from her ankles to her thighs. Her hair was a short blunt cut bob style that was dyed frosty silver pink. She wore thick sparkle-green eye shadow, long glittery eyelashes and bright red lipstick. She picked up a guitar and laid out a lick. Inching closer to the microphone she smiled sweetly. “Awww, did you miss me?” The crowd went wild as she launched into a heavy version of Bif Naked’s Spaceman.
The rest of the night went quickly. The band played for about an hour and a half. Shae even managed to get Justin to quit pouting about Alex not being there and to dance with her. Joey flirted with Kalya as much as possible whenever she came to refill their drinks. Chris sat at the table and listened intently to the band. He really liked their style and sound. He thought they might make a nice addition to his many side projects.

The crowd thinned out quickly after the band was done playing. Tiny sat and talked with the group until Alex re-appeared from the door behind the bar. Alex hugged Kalya and waved at Tiny. “I’m exhausted guys! Let’s get back to the cabin.”
Tiny called after them, “I’ll see you tomorrow night!”
Alex looked at Chris quizzically. “What?” He asked her.
“Are you coming back tomorrow?” Alex questioned him.
“Yeah, I really liked that band. How come you never told us that your full name was Alexandra?”
“You never asked.” She replied. “I told you you’d be surprised with the band.” Alex grinned wide.
“I was thinking that maybe I could use some of my connections and get them a contract. Or at least get them talking to some record companies. Alex, how well do you know the band? Do you think you could introduce me to that lead singer? She has an amazing voice.”
“Yeah,” Joey agreed, “And maybe you could get me her phone number. She was hot.”
Alex’s smile quickly faded and was replaced with a scowl. “Is this some kind of joke? It’s not funny. Lexington Avenue has worked very hard to get where they are. They don’t need you to make fun of that.”
Chris’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “No – I..”
“Why don’t you just stop talking.” She interrupted. The rest of the drive was in a confused silence.

The next morning Justin was skipping rocks across the lake from his perch n the dock. Alex sat down beside him. “So are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?” Her emerald green eyes pierced through to his very soul. He reached his hand around her neck, pulling her close enough that their foreheads touched. She moved back and looked at him inquisitively. He pulled her face towards him and their lips met. Her fingers intertwined as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip and gently nudged her mouth open. Alex moaned as he tasted the sweetness of her mouth. Timidly, she pushed her tongue against his, tasting him in return.
“God you guys, get a room!” Shae’s voice broke them apart. “We want to go swimming so cut the mush.”
Alex opened her eyes to look into Justin’s. He reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips and softly kissed each fingertip, without breaking eye contact.
“Hellooo, Justin and Alex, this ground control, come in Justin and Alex.” Shae walked to the end of the dock and dipped her toes in the water. “Brrr. Alex you actually enjoy swimming in these arctic conditions?…” Shae kept chattering away to no one in particular as she twisted her brown curls into a pony tail.
Alex’s eyes twinkled as she spoke to Justin. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Well, yes but I didn’t know you were such a voyeur. I thought maybe you’d like a little more privacy than this.”
“Justin!” Alex yelped and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean that.” Meanwhile Shae was still at the end of the dock testing the water and talking to herself. Alex lowered her voice. “I meant the other thing that I’m thinking that you’re thinking.”
“Ohhhhhh,” Justin said, realization setting in. He grinned evilly. “You are so wicked.”
Shae chatted about the frigid water at the end of the dock. She never even saw it coming. She had just enough time to let out a short scream before she hit the water. When she resurfaced, sputtering, she threatened the two standing smugly on the dock. “You guys are sooo dead.” She said, gasping for air. Justin was doubled over, laughing hysterically and pointing at Shae. From beside him he heard Alex yell “Body check!” and he flew into the water.
“Geronimo!” Alex heard a voice from behind her. Lance, JC, Chris and Joey were running down the hill to get in on the action. Alex backed away from them.
“Oh no you don’t!” SPLASH!! In she went, starting off the domino effect. After Lance pushed Alex in, JC slammed into Lance sending him through the air and into the drink. Chris in turn, pushed JC into the water. Joey and Chris wrestled for a minute before Joey finally went in.
Chris stood on the edge of the dock, beating his chest and yelling, “I’m the king of the world!” He didn’t see Shae and Justin scheming behind him.
“Whatever you say your highness.” Shae yelled back just as she and Justin slammed into him. All three landed with an enormous splash. For the next half hour a vicious water war ensued. Sides were taken, alliances betrayed and no one was left dry.

*********************

Late in the afternoon Alex walked down to the dock alone. The water was like glass. The sky had a golden glow above the thick trees across the lake. Alex dropped the sarong from around her waist and dove in, making ripples in the flat surface. She loved this place. It was so serene. It was the only place in the world where she could feel 100% safe. Where she didn't have to look behind her when she walked down the street. Even though Greg was dead, he still haunted her mind and memories. Coming back to the surface for air, she looked back at the cabin. A loon called out from across the lake. There was a quick movement from behind the trees, on the deck. Alex squinted. She thought she might have seen Justin. She shook her head. "Calm down girl," she said to herself. "It's just a squirrel." She turned her shoulder towards the shore across the lake from the cabin, dipped her face in the water and broke into a fast front crawl.

Justin stood above the shoreline, on the deck of the cabin, watching Alex on the dock. He caught his breath when her sarong fell to her feet. She moved gracefully through the water, like a bird through air. Thoughts raced through his mind, not one of them gentlemanly. He watched her strong arms pull her through the water to the other side of the lake.
"Oui, C’est L’amour." Chris said wistfully in his best french accent.
Justin turned around, startled and embarrassed that he had been caught looking at her.
Chris smiled. “Is there a specific reason why you have been avoiding being alone with her?."
Justin sighed and slumped his shoulders. “Is it that obvious?”
“Hmmm, I think the fact that you have been sharing a room with me for the past two nights might have given it away.”
“She confuses the hell outta me.” Justin replied.
“Hmmm, how’s that?”
“I told her I loved her. I said it and I meant it but…”
“She’s never said it back, has she?”
“No.”
“Maybe she’s said it in a different way and you weren’t listening. She’s a complicated women. Hell! They all are! But Alex is most of all. She loves you. If you can’t see that then maybe you should get your eyes checked. I’ve seen the way she looks at you when you aren’t looking. Trust me on this one man. Listen with your heart.”

Chris left Justin on the deck, alone with his thoughts and walked back into the cabin. Justin slowly descended the deck stairs and made his way down to the dock. Sitting on the edge with his legs hanging in the water, he waited for Alex to return from her swim across the lake. Alex noticed he was waiting for her before she got right to the dock. She smiled to herself. She liked the thought of him waiting for her. Once she reached the dock, she stood up in the water and then took her seat beside him. “You wanna go for a skinny dip?” her eyes twinkled as she teased him. When he lifted his head to meet her gaze, her expression turned serious. “Justin? something bothering you?”
“No. Just tired.” He replied.
“Liar.” She sneered, suddenly angry.
Justin leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “Alex, I love you.”
Alex hung her head and spoke. “Justin don’t say that. You know that I can’t say it back.”
“Why? Alex. I’m not him. I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll never let anything hurt you again. I love you.”
When she didn’t reply after a few minutes, Justin stood up and left her sitting on the dock alone. He turned and headed up to the cabin. Slamming the door to the bedroom he shared with Chris, he climbed up to the top bunk and flopped back on his pillow.
Alex wiped a tear from her eye, stood up and dove into the lake. She swam out thirty feet to the floating dock. She climbed up the ladder, sat in the middle and began devising a plan.


That night was not as busy at Tiny’s. Kalya got them a table closer to the stage this time and took their orders for drinks. Little Andrea bounded up to Chris and giggled. “I know who you are.” She said.
“Do you? Who am I then?” He asked.
“You’re Chris Kerpatsik form my second favert band.”
Chris laughed at the way she mispronounced his last name. “Who is your most favorite band?”
“Lexington Avenue.” She replied smugly. “Daddy says since it’s special tonight, I can watch the show.”
“What is so special about tonight?”
“That singer lady is only here for one more night. Then she’s going away again.”
“You mean she’s not part of the band?”
“She used to be but now she is only visiting.”
“Don’t you have school tomorrow?” Chris questioned more.
“I gots summer holidays.” She giggled and climbed onto the chair beside him.
Tiny came out on stage and announced the return of Lexington Avenue. The band came out to less cheering this time. The crowd was very small, only the hardcore regulars ever showed up on Sundays. The lead singer adjusted the mic to her height.
Little Andrea smiled at Justin, “Don’t you think she’s pretty?”
“Yes, she’s pretty.” He replied, listlessy. Honestly, he hadn’t been paying attention. His mind was on the fight he had had with Alex that afternoon and what he could have said to make it turn out differently that it had.
“She told me that she likes you too.” Andrea covered her mouth and giggled.
Justin smiled at her again. He was so used to young girls telling him that they loved him that it barely meant anything to him now.
The singer was talking to the audience when Justin turned his attention to her. “I really appreciate the welcome I got when I came out here last night. It made me realize that people that are important to me need to hear how much I care.” She pulled the mic off the stand and walked towards the edge of the stage. “I have been very negligent in telling someone how important he is to me. So I want you to listen to the words of this song. Every word expresses all the things that I’m afraid to tell this person how very special he is to me.” She signaled to the band, who put down there instruments and sat down on the edge of the stage. Then everything went totally black. Little Andrea shrieked and clung to Chris’ sleeve. A lonely spotlight came on and pointed to the stage. Surrounded by the glow was the singer sitting at a grand piano in the centre of the stage. She started to play a soft melody and sing.

Something in your eyes Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've felt so low
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done…

Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from…

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

She played the last note of the tune to a completely silent audience. After a moment, she stood up from the piano and walked off the stage, to the table where Justin was. She reached up and pulled off her neon pink wig. Long blond hair tumbled down her back, making everyone at the table gasp. It was Alex. It had been her all along. Little Andrea, now sitting in Chris’ lap giggled. “I knew it was her.” She whispered in his ear.
Justin smiled. She had said it. Not the three words he expected to hear, but many more and this time he had been listening. She stood, heart on her sleeve in front of him. Justin was speechless. He was in awe at what had just taken place.
“Justin, say something.” She whispered, her eyes pleading with him.
He finally took her in his arms and kissed her. It was a kiss to confirm everything they felt for each other and finally they both knew, without a doubt.
Little Andrea was clapping and bouncing up and down on Chris’ lap. “How did you know it was her?” He laughed at her little girl giggles.
“Duh! Where do you think the name Lexington Avenue came from? Daddy calls Lex the founding member, but I don’t know what that means.” She peered up at him. He could learn a lot from this little girl, he thought. He should have asked her about the band sooner.
“You never told me you could sing like that.” Justin said after the kiss.
“You never asked.” Alex smiled and replied.

*********************************

Later at the cabin, everyone had gone to bed. Chris had made Alex promise that she would fill him in on everything about Lexington Avenue and that they would talk about making a demo, on the condition that Alex would be lead vocals. She said she would think about it but wouldn’t promise anything.
Justin and Alex found themselves alone in front of the fireplace. Wordlessly, they sat down with Alex cuddled in Justin’s lap. Leaning against his chest, they watched the flames die down to glowing embers. Alex finally spoke first. “I thought that you had found someone else because you were avoiding me this week.”
“Never.” Justin tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
“Oh Justin, I have so much to tell you about the last three weeks. I missed you. You are never going to guess what I bought last week!”
They laid in each other’s arms all night talking and watching the sun rise high in the sky. The morning air was cold without the fire going and Alex nuzzled in closer to Justin.
“Alex, do you ever think about your daughter?”
“Everyday, every night and every hour in between. Why do you ask?”
“Do you think you’ll ever try to find her?”
“No”
Justin was surprised at how confident she was in her answer. “Why not?”
“She’s not mine any more. She has a mom, a dad, a family, and a whole world that I will never be a part of. It would only be selfish of me to try to be. Come with me, I’ll show you something.”
Justin followed Alex into her bedroom. She dug around in her suitcase until she found the gift box that she had taken from the house in Toronto.
“I haven’t opened this yet because I was afraid to look. But I want you to see.”
She tore off the paper and folded back a layer of tissue to reveal a picture frame with an ultrasound photo. Alex traced the outline of the tiny body with her finger. "This is my baby.” Alex held out the picture for him to look at. “If I ever came to learn where she is or who she is there would always be the slight chance that Greg’s family could find out about what I have done. All my hard efforts to keep them away from her would be for naught.” He took the frame from her and set it on the dresser by the door. Her eyes shone with unshed tears as Justin pulled her into a hug
Alex was quiet for a moment, reveling in the comfort of the man she loved. She had never thought she would find this kind of happiness. But she had. She had found love and happiness and a best friend. That was all she wanted and it was standing right in front of her, willing to give her anything.
She pulled his head down to reach her lips and kissed him hungrily. “Now, how about that skinny dip?”
“Lex! It’s six a.m.!” Justin laughed.
“I know a secret place.” She pulled him out of the room by the waist of his jean shorts.


“The cabin is locked up. Is everyone ready to go?”
“Alex, you left half of your stuff in there!” Shae exclaimed. “Don’t you want any of it?”
Alex smiled. “I’m going to leave it here for when I come home the next.”
Shae felt a twinge of pain for her friend. She knew how bad she had wanted to have a place to call home. “Alex, it’s a cabin. It’s a renter. It’s not your home.”
Alex laughed at her friend’s concern. “Not anymore. The house sold in Toronto and I bought the cabin last week. I now officially have a home!”
Shae squealed with glee. “Lex! Why didn’t you tell us? That’s terrific! I love this place!”
“And you’re all invited here for a big New Year’s bash this year. I’ll be coming home for Christmas.”
"But wait a minute, you were supposed to come home with me for Christmas this year. Even if you have somewhere to go, you're still going to be alone."
"No she's not." Justin smiled, encircling his arms around Alex's waist. "She'll have company."
“Oh.” Shae mouthed as a smile spread across her lips.
“We should get going.” Chris said from behind the car. “We have a flight to catch.”
JC mumbled from inside the car. “It’s too early to be up. I’m going to sleep the whole way.” He curled up on the backseat, snuggling with a snoring Frankie.
They piled in the car and turned up the drive. Yes, it is early, Alex thought to herself, but it’s going to be a great day. And tomorrow’s going to be a great day. And the next day, and the next….

Finis