It was raining, just like it had on the day she disappeared.

“Raining in fucking Kentucky.” Nick slammed his hand against his steering wheel as he made his way around the twisting cemetery road. “Stupid country place..” He was talking to no one. He was simply angry. Angry and, underneath, ripped to pieces. This shouldn’t have been happening. Nick stopped his SUV at the busy spot beneath a big tree.

“Nicky!” A young voice squealed as he saw the little girl break free of her grandmother’s hand and run toward him. A half smile crept across his face.

“Hello Isabella.” He would never admit that he thought that was the prettiest name he had ever heard. It would make him seem to girly, he thought. He crouched down and opened his arms, amazed that she even remembered him.

Nick smiled as he wrapped his arms around the littlest Littrell. He had never been a kid kind of person but she was different. She came from the two people that had meant the most to him in his life. He would never let anyone know how soft she made his heart though. “Miss daddy and mommy.” He heard her whisper.

“We’re going to find mommy, ok?” He kissed her head. “And daddy.. well.. he’ll always be with you.” What was he saying? He sounded like someone who said those sorts of things all the time. Truth was, he wasn’t. Hell, this was the first time he had even washed his hair in days. Why, all of the sudden, were words spilling out of his mouth that sounded like they should be coming from a responsible adult? Nick lifted her into his arms and slowly made his way to the crowd.

He had purposely missed the funeral, thinking it would be the hardest part, thinking that hearing all those things about Brian would break his heart more than anything. Remembering. He hated remembering because he hated crying, and that’s what it made him do. Nick was tougher than that. On his drive up to the cemetery though, his tough exterior was broken with every bit he drove and outside gave him an excuse to wear sunglasses. Stupid Kentucky with the sun shining while it rained.

Nick Carter watched as everyone around him was broken down. Why couldn’t he do that? God knows he wanted to. He slipped into a chair beside Kevin, who patted Nick’s back. Nick only shrugged away, wanting this to be over, wanting to get on with his life. Drink and forget. To be far away from here. Surely, though, he had missed the hardest part. No one would talk about him now… He wouldn’t have to remember Brian…

But as he watched his friend’s body being lowered into the ground, a unusually warm wind whipped around his blond hair and he could’ve sworn that Brian was there. But he wasn’t and the fact that he never would be again got to Nick.

“Dammit,” He muttered, leaning forward and covering his face with his hands as his heart broke into a thousand more pieces. Nick needed to find Sara. For Brian. For Isabella. For himself and his sanity.

As the rain mixed with his tears, he knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

Tears spilled out of her eyes as they did most of the time now. It had been weeks..no, months since she had seen daylight. She had no idea what was going on in the outside world. Sara didn’t know the day or the time. All she knew was that her left wrist was broken from trying to break the cuff that kept her stuck to the bed and she was weaker than she had ever been in her entire life.

Sara had never even made it to pick up her daughter that evening. Her car had run out of gas, five minutes away from the gas station. Her trusting southern ways allowed her to accept help from a man who offered to help push her car to the side of the road. When she tried to explain she had already called her brother to bring gas, the man wouldn’t have it. He began to get rough and threw her in the backseat of his car. It was the last thing she remembered before waking up in this hellhole.

“Hello beautiful.” The voice made Sara cringe with disgust. “How are you feeling today?” He bent to kiss her. She jerked away only to be met with a harsh slap. “You are such a stubborn son of a bitch!”

“I only kiss my husband. YOU are not him.” She rasped weakly.

The man laughed loudly. “What husband?”

“Brian. Brian will be so pissed off when he finds out-”

“Brian’s dead, hon. Has been for a few months.” He sat and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke in her face.

Sara fell silent. The world around her grew dramatically louder as she began to panic. Her Brian was gone. She’d never hear his voice again. She wouldn’t hear him tell her he loved her. She wouldn’t feel his kisses. This time when her tears fell, they had much more meaning.

That was the day she gave up. Her daughter would be better off without her. The world would be better off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick Carter allowed his hand to fling his alarm clock off of his nightstand after pressing the snooze button for the fourth time. He didn’t even remember what the alarm was for. He figured anything he had to do today wasn’t that important. Nothing in his life was that important. He had realized that last night after his fifth shot of straight vodka.

The blonde mess fell asleep and woke up again to the sound of his doorbell ringing. “What the fuccccccckk…” He growled, pulling his boxers on then falling back over into his pillows, hoping whoever would just go away. He was in no condition to talk, his head was pounding too loudly for him to even hear anything except that damn dinging.
On the sixth ringing, Nick decided it was probably AJ being a jackass and stomped downstairs, hair awry and eyes rimmed in red. “WHAT?!” He yelled, swinging the door open, only to find Brian’s brother standing in front of him.

“Um, hey man. Did …I come at a bad time?”

“No. I’m just…nothing.” Nick rubbed a hand down over his hair, trying to focus his eyes.

“Can..I come in?”

“Oh..yeah.” The blonde opened the door wider, standing back for Harold to come in. “So what brings you down here?”

“Okay, we’ll just get straight to the point.” He sighed heavily. “You were Brian and Sara’s best friend and I guess, in a moment of insanity, they made their wills.”

“What’re you getting at?”

“They left Isabella to you.”

Nick blinked then laughed hard. “They did WHAT?! You’re kidding me. I’m not a father. I’m barely even home on the weekends. I’m…not made out for any of.. That…”

Harold sighed. “That’s what I thought. But, really, having the new baby around and things, I can’t take care of her. Mom and dad are too old…”

“Look, I’ll keep her until maybe you can take her.” What was he saying? He knew later he’d be awake and regret agreeing to this.

“I know it’s a lot Nick. But you were around her a lot…”

“No, I wasn’t. I wasn’t a good friend since Brian got sick…”

“I know it was hard…”

“No! There was no excuse!” Nick started to grow defensive, the guilty feelings rising again. The same feelings that had gotten him drunk last night. He closed his eyes, swallowing. “Where is she?”

“In the car, sleeping. Do…you want her now?”

“Now or never.” He sighed, smoothing his hair back once again, following Brian’s brother out to the car. What was he doing to himself? Having a daughter meant no girls sleeping over, no partying to all hours, no being hungover in the morning. It meant more food to buy, more moods to deal with, learning to deal with a kind of love he had never had from his own parents.

But when Nick took Isabella into his arms, all he could think of was how much she looked like her mother. How much he loved her mother. Somehow, he would find it in his heart to give her everything she had been robbed of.

Laying her down in the bed beside himself, he watched her sleep, wondering why things were happening the way they were. After all, everything happened for a reason. So what was his?