Summary: All it took was one man to tear their lives apart and leave it all incomplete. Now, they struggle to pick up the pieces and try to resume living the life they once lived, but things are never that simple. Just when they thought that the nightmare was over, they are left to burden with the scars and memories. Terror resurfaces again when they realize that there’s more than one person out to get them. Mysteries, twists, lies and betrayals threaten to shatter their innocence, image and life all over again. Just when they thought it was all over, they realize that it has only just begun as they struggle to fill in the empty spaces that were left behind.
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: Group
Genres: Drama, Suspense
Warnings: Violence
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 30 Completed: No
Word count: 37931 Read: 55340
Published: 04/02/07 Updated: 03/19/08
1. Chapter 1 by rebellious_one
2. Chapter 2 by rebellious_one
3. Chapter 3 by rebellious_one
4. Chapter 4 by rebellious_one
5. Chapter 5 by rebellious_one
6. Chapter 6 by rebellious_one
7. Chapter 7 by rebellious_one
8. Chapter 8 by rebellious_one
9. Chapter 9 by rebellious_one
10. Chapter 10 by rebellious_one
11. Chapter 11 by rebellious_one
12. Chapter 12 by rebellious_one
13. Chapter 13 by rebellious_one
14. Chapter 14 by rebellious_one
15. Chapter 15 by rebellious_one
16. Chapter 16 by rebellious_one
17. Chapter 17 by rebellious_one
18. Chapter 18 by rebellious_one
19. Chapter 19 by rebellious_one
20. Chapter 20 by rebellious_one
21. Chapter 21 by rebellious_one
22. Chapter 22 by rebellious_one
23. Chapter 23 by rebellious_one
24. Chapter 24 by rebellious_one
25. Chapter 25 by rebellious_one
26. Chapter 26 by rebellious_one
27. Chapter 27 by rebellious_one
28. Chapter 28 by rebellious_one
29. Chapter 29 by rebellious_one
30. Chapter 30 by rebellious_one
Chapter 1 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
So, here's the first chapter to the sequel of "Incomplete". I hope you guys enjoy it and don't forget to leave me reviews!! =)
“Alex… Alex, look at me buddy.”
I open my eyes and glare into the mirror with my shirt off, exposing a scarred man in both mental and physical ways. Both of my hands were firmly planted on either side of the bathroom sink.
“I… I remember everything Nick…”
“What do you remember buddy?”
I turned on the faucet and had let the water run a while as I continued to stare at the mirror. I cupped by hands and collected the water that was cascading out of the faucet and splashed onto my face, slowly rubbing it over my eyes in hopes to wash away the visions that still plagued me.
“I remember… I remember us…”
I glanced up into the mirror, watching as the water trickled down my face, droplets clinging to my eyelashes.
“I remember when you guys saved my life… I’ll never forget the day you saved my life Nick.”
My hands found their way back to either side of the bathroom sink and I began to claw at the marble counter.
“I was always so proud of you Nick… I know… we didn’t show it much, but you made us all proud in so many ways…”
“I’m proud of you too Alex… I’ve always been so proud to call you my older brother.”
“How could I ever forget this… all that we’ve shared… over all these years… they’re memories Nick… it was taken away from me… but I got it all back now, I don’t… I don’t… want to lose it all again.”
“You’re not gonna lose it… it’s here to stay.”
“… I love you guys…”
“Alex, don’t you say that!”
My eyes snapped open when the sound of a gun going off rang through my ears. I rose my right hand from the countertop and placed it on my bare stomach. Slowly, I inched my hand upwards, gingerly touching the scar that was located on the right side of my chest. Memories flooded my mind as I remember turning around, seeing Brian on the ground. I remember screaming in rage, raising the gun to shoot the man who had shot Brian, but he beat me to it, shooting me right in the chest.
Not long after, Kevin and Howie were shot as well and all I could do at that point was scream. I was useless to all of them. My anger exerted what little energy I had left in my body and it didn’t take long for darkness to consume me. Being in a coma was the best thing that ever happened to me throughout this whole ordeal, I was reunited with my brother once again.
Speaking of which, it’s been a year since our horrific brush with death and nothing is the same. We wanted our lives back, but try as we might, it was out of our reach. Nightmares occurred for each of us on a daily basis and the scars we all bore was a painful reminder of what we had endured exactly a year ago. We all feared certain things, from something so simple as a bus to a sudden popping sound. We were all on the edge, and for what? The man was dead. The man who had torn us apart mentally and physically and had caused us so much pain was dead. I shot him, right in the chest. I killed him. But even that wasn’t enough to kill him off for good. I may had rid this man from the world, but he still lived on through our nightmares, our vivid memories, and our scars.
Chapter 2 by rebellious_one
“So, how are you feeling today?”
“The same.”
“You don’t feel any different from how you felt yesterday?”
“No.”
“And why is that?”
“Is there any other way I’m supposed to feel?”
“Well, I guess not but I would think that your feelings would somewhat change over a period of time…”
“… lets recap the feelings I’ve relayed to you before.”
“Well, it says here that you were feeling scared, sad, tired, depressed, haunted, angry…”
“You can add frustrated to that list.”
“Frustrated?”
“Yeah…”
“So, you do feel different from yesterday?”
“No, I feel the same… I just decided to add that to how I feel from yesterday.”
“And why do you feel frustrated?”
“Because I can’t remember.”
“What can’t you remember?”
“… what happened…”
“The whole incident?”
“Yeah.”
“You can’t remember or you don’t want to remember?”
“Is there a difference?”
“Of course. You either can’t remember or you just don’t want to remember what happened, and you pass it over as if you can’t remember.”
“Is there a possibility that it’s both?”
“There is a possibility that it could be both, but one should be dominating ultimately. You should know how it feels not being able to remember something. You’ve had amnesia before, am I correct?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you feel anything like how you felt when you had amnesia?”
“… yeah… but I remember all those things I had forgotten. I just can’t remember what happened to us.”
“What you guys went through was a dreadful thing. Why would you want to remember something like that?”
“I don’t know… I just feel like there’s something I should know, something I should remember but I just can’t, no matter how hard I try.”
“All things come in due time. Why don’t you tell me your interaction and your relationship with your family and friends. Has it improved any?”
“No. If anything, it’s only gotten worse. My mother and I were always the best of friends, but it’s obvious to see that our ties are withering with time. Whenever there is a family gathering, I find myself isolating myself from everybody else. The fans continue to show their undying love and support for us and all I can do is smile. I don’t interact with them like I used to, I just give them what they want and I’m on my way. And the fellas… it’s like we don’t even know each other anymore. I’ve… I’m just not… I’m not the person I was before, no one knows who I am. I don’t even know who I am anymore…”
“Why are you like this?”
“Because I’m scarred… when I was shot, I died. The person I was before was killed back at the cemetery.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because it’s true. I was shot for crying out loud, doctors said I wasn’t suppose to survive the first night, but I pulled through. They said I wasn’t going to make it, but for some reason I made a miraculous recovery. It’s like I had an… out of body experience, I could see myself lying in a coma and I remember watching those doctors walk into my room everyday just to tell my mom to start thinking of funeral arrangements. When I reconnected with my body, I was never the same… that’s when I realized that the former me had passed away.”
“Do you think there’s a possibility that you’ll be able to get things back to the way they used to be? To become the person you were before once again?”
“Do you know of anyone who came back from the dead?”
“No…”
“Well, there’s your answer. I was killed off a while back, I died with everything else. Do you think I can get back what’s dead? I don’t think so.”
Chapter 3 by rebellious_one
“Nickolas, I’m offering you a chance of a lifetime. I’m offering you redemption. I can’t imagine how it feels to lose the one you love, and I can’t imagine how great it’d feel to finally bring the guilty to justice.” he handed his gun to Nick. “A life for a life…”
Nick just stared at the man, anger and resentment dancing in his eyes. When Nick didn’t move to take the gun, he turned and aimed it at the remaining four. “The rest of you, get on your fucking knees now.”
The four did as they were told, going down on their knees before Aaron’s grave. The man turned his attention once more to Nick. “C’mon Nick, take it. A life for a life. You‘re finally bringing someone to justice for the death of your younger brother, why are you hesitating?”
Nick finally grabbed the gun, his hand shaking the whole time.
“C’mon, take your pick Nick.” he walked over to Kevin and roughly grabbed him by his hair. “Will it be Kevin, the one who always tried to pass off Aaron’s death as if it was nothing?” he walked over to Howie. “Or will it be Howie, the one who was unsure if he should tell you about Aaron’s death or not.” next, he sauntered over to AJ. “How about AJ? The one who can’t remember shit and could be holding a vital piece of information that could change everything.” finally, he walked over to Brian and just looked down at him and smiled.
“Get up.” he said as he grabbed Brian by the back of his shirt and hauled him up off the ground. “What about Brian? The very one who didn’t say anything to you Nick. He knew the whole time that Aaron was dead, and yet he left you hanging, he let you believe that Aaron was still alive. I see the hatred in your eyes, ever since you found out about Aaron’s death and the way your best friend didn’t tell you anything, I could tell that you wanted to rid the world of Brian, there’s no denying it because I would feel the same way.”
At this point, Nick was in tears, the mind games that the man was playing was wearing him down mentally.
“Who will it be Nick? Brian lied to you, your best friend lied to you, he let you believe that Aaron was alive, he let you hold on to that little hope you had left, that little amount of false hope that shrouded your heart. What are you going to do about it Nick? Bring him to justice!”
Nick’s arm rose a bit, the gun not taking a particular aim.
Brian glanced back at Nick, seeing tears streaming down his face and his arm shaking, his finger slowly inching it’s way towards the trigger.
“Now Nick,” he grabbed Nick’s hand and brought it over to Brian, placing it on his temple. “A life for a fucking life… put an end to all this right now, bring him to justice.”
Brian winced when he felt the tip of the gun touch his temple, the coldness making him shiver all over. Emotion wracked his body, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. All the while he could hear AJ screaming at Nick, telling him no to do it, and the man retaliated, knocking AJ off his knees.
Everything froze when the sound of a cocked gun filled the air.
“You’re offering me redemption, and I’m taking it.”
Brian slightly turned to see Nick still holding the gun to his head, but now it was positioned on his forehead.
“A life for a life…” NIck whispered as he pulled the trigger.
My eyes flew open and I snapped up from my bed. My heart was racing, pounding painfully within my chest. I continued to heave, trying to take in as much air as I could to ease my erratic heart. My body was drenched in sweat, clinging my hair to my forehead. It was just a dream… no, not a dream, a nightmare.
I gasped as I felt this unbearable pain exploding through my shoulder. Every time I had a nightmare about our incident, I always felt the pain in my shoulder as if I was shot at again. My nightmares increased in intensity and I was now becoming insomniac. I actually had a fear of going to sleep because I feared the new pain that would hit my body every night. For some reason, I had a lot of nightmares of Nick killing me off whenever he had the chance.
“What’s wrong honey?” my wife asked me, raising up from the bed and making herself comfortable behind me.
I pushed my hand through my sweat-soaked hair, my breathing and heartbeat returning to normal. “Nothing.”
“Another nightmare?”
I tensed when I felt her hands upon my skin, “Yeah…”
“What was it about?”
Her hand was now slowly creeping up my back to my shoulders. I winced when I felt her hand linger over the scar on my shoulder. “I… I don’t really want to talk about it.”
I was put at ease as I felt her soft fingers dance delicately against my flushed skin. I rubbed my hand over my face, shaking my head. “It’s never gonna end… is it?”
She was silent for a while, her fingers still tickling my back. “It’s gonna take some time Brian.”
“I don’t want it to take all of my time.”
“And it won’t.” she grabbed my face and gently turned my head so that I was looking at her. “It’s only been a year… give yourself time to heal. Don’t rush it all at once. This is a process your body and mind is going through to fix the damage that’s been done.”
“The damage is irreversible.” I snapped. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh towards her, but she just didn’t understand, no one ever would.
She fell silent for a while, just staring at me in the dark. I could tell, just by looking at her, that she wanted to say something more to me, but she just remained silent. Without saying another word, she collapsed back down on the bed, turning so that her back was facing me. She didn’t have to hide from me, I could see the tears streaming down her face without even looking at her.
I wanted to apologize to her for the way I just acted, but I couldn’t bring myself in doing so. Slowly, I lowered myself down onto the bed and turned so that my back was facing her as well. My hand slowly crept up towards my shoulder, the damage was irreversible.
What we went through was like an open wound, leaving us with nothing but pain. It takes time for a wound to heal, and eventually it does, too bad the damage that’s been done to us couldn’t heal as rapidly and completely as a wound does. Another thing they have in common is the fact that a healed wound leaves a scar, similar to the one on my shoulder. Things may heal, but there’s always that painful reminder of what once was there and how it occurred. There is no way anyone could fix the damage that’s been done to us.
Chapter 4 by rebellious_one
December 9, 2006
Everything has changed. Just about two months ago we had a meeting with the five of us, Johnny and the rest of the Jive team. Before entering the meeting, Kevin had pulled me to the side and had told me beforehand what the meeting was going to be about and what his intentions were. He wanted to leave the band, he had other more important things to attend to. I was left in shock, I was convinced that he was leaving because of what happened to us well over a year ago, but he assured me that wasn’t the case. He made me promise him that no matter what, I would keep the group alive and going. I snapped at him, saying how unfair it was of him to just depart and leave us to continue on, but he begged me to keep it going. Out of the five of us, Kevin was the one to remain strong throughout this whole ordeal, and he knew that if it all came to an end now, either AJ or Nick would just break and he couldn’t have that happen. He wanted them, he NEEDED them to be occupied by doing something. He wanted us to put out another album without him.
There again I was confused as to why he would want us to do such a thing without him, and he simply resulted back to keeping Nick and AJ occupied. Sure, we could’ve all parted ways and done solo projects like Brian had done, but he wanted us together again in the end. He did not want us to venture out on our own doing solo work, he wanted us to remain together, in case anything was to ever happen again. Why he would say such a thing, I’ll never know but I decided to keep the promise.
The rest of the fellas were appalled to say the least, I was surprised to know that Kevin had confided in me over his cousin. I remember looking at each of their expressions; Brian sat there in silence, just starting at Kevin. AJ’s eyes darted from Kevin to Johnny, shocked that Johnny didn’t say anything in making Kevin stay. Nick simply looked hurt and lost, hurt at the fact that our brother for the last thirteen years was ending this journey we started together, and lost because he didn’t know what to do. I remember hearing Nick blurt out that we should all just end it already, but of course Kevin told him no and talked him out of it. I remember just sitting there throughout the whole meeting silent, not saying a word to anyone about anything.
Once things had calmed down, Kevin tried his best to explain to Brian, AJ and Nick on why he felt that it was important for us to keep the group going, omitting the part of us remaining together in case anything was to ever happen. They didn’t like the decision, but they decided to go along with it anyway (aside from the fact that Jive kept reminding us of our contract for putting out five albums!) Now, here we are, four Backstreet Boys working on material that will go on our latest album without Kevin.
Everything may have changed, but in a way everyday remains the same. This is where that saying “same shit, different day” comes into play. The fellas and I haven’t really spoken to each other since that last meeting we had well over two months ago, and whatever conversation I was able to have with them, it was always kept to a minimum. Jive has been so kind enough as to write most of the material that will go on our album instead of having us continuously come into the studio to write and produce stuff, (it’s hard to imply sarcasm when you’re writing) because they just wanted us to physically and mentally relax and prepare ourselves for what was ahead.
I’ve made personal observations of each of us; let me clarify how we’ve all CHANGED.
Kevin: He was the leader of the group, the patriarch, the father figure in our lives. He was the tall stature of the band, the one who always kept things running smoothly and kept everyone in check. He was Mr. Perfection, he wanted everything to be perfect, he wanted all of us to look and sound great. Aside from the fact of him being so stern and such a perfectionist, his heart was so soft and gentle, and there was no way he could hide, or you could deny it. Upon meeting him, you would think that this man had no emotions, but out of all of us, he’d be the first to crack at anything that would stir up your emotions. He was always concerned about all of us, and it wasn’t in a sense of a father, but more like the older brother he really was to us all. Now, that’s all changed. His brilliant green eyes are now glazed over, has been that way ever since our… incident. He tries so hard to remain strong for all of us, and he does a damn good job, but I can see the pain slowly eating him from the inside and I know there’s days where he finds himself cracking. He’s lost his perfection, he/s actually told me that this whole ordeal we went through has taught him that life is not perfect. He will always and forever be our older brother, but we lost our leader, the one who ALWAYS kept everything and everyone on track. That role is vacant now.
Brian: The spiritual one. I’ve always known Brian to have such a good head on his shoulders. Along with Nick, Brian was the comedian of the group, the one that could always put a smile on your face in seconds. If it wasn’t his silly antics or his hilarious jokes or impersonations that made you laugh, it was his southern Kentucky accent. I remember when I first met him, I tried so hard not to bust out laughing at the way he talked, but now that we hardly ever talk with one another, I truly do miss his southern twang. He always had this clean cut look, and his religion only backed it up. We always volunteered him to say our group prayer before every performance, his words and wisdom of our Lord always grabbed us and kept us grounded. Another thing about this Christian was that he ALWAYS smiled. You could be having a bad day and just seeing him smiled made you smile, it was that contagious! Now, his smile is hardly there and he doesn’t have the will to make anyone smile or laugh anymore. What shocks me the most about Brian is the fact that he lost his faith. You would think that his solo Christian album would instill his faith once more, he thought that too but it hasn’t. Just by looking into his eyes, you can tell that magical spark that once dwelled within his blue eyes are no longer there, it’s clouded by doubt and pain. He had a loving and caring attitude, always patient and understanding with others, bur it’s been replaced with anger, edginess and sadness. He’s secretly battling these inner demons that are threatening to pull him over the edge at any given moment. He can’t fight this battle alone, but he’s too busy trying to fight off those who are trying to help him, all the while trying to win this war by himself.
AJ: Alex died. There’s nothing more that I can tell you about AJ than to say that Alex died. We’ve known AJ to have these two personas, these two egos that were constantly bickering with one another. First, you had Alexander James, the boy who was born and raised in Florida by his mother and grandparents. Alex was raised to have profound respect for women, and an undying love for music and theatre. He was a gentle kid who always had a heart of gold. Alex loved to help people, to make them smile and make them feel better, but the thought of him helping and changing the whole world left him vulnerable, it left him wide open so that people could take his heart, his random acts of kindness and runaway with it. It would always leave him sad, alone and hurt, but he always found the time to construct his golden heart once more so that he could go out and do it all over again. Alex hardly ever cared about himself, he always thought that since no one cared about him, then why should he? He always put others before himself, and that’s the way Alex liked it, he didn’t care if he was unhappy, his main goal was to make others happy. Then came that phase where he was trying to figure out where he belonged. He was an only child, so of course he always ventured out to find friends, to find those special people he could consider his brothers or sisters, but many viewed him as an outcast, and his love for music and theatre didn’t help. He would often configure himself so that he stood out and apart from the crowd. Then, there was AJ, the perennial badboy of the Backstreet Boys, the kick ass rebel of the group, or at least that’s what the media labeled him to be, and it was all because his constant configuration. In the early days, AJ was still Alex, someone who was trying to figure out where he belonged but he still had that heart of gold, sensitive and the most gentlest out of all of us. But as time progressed, AJ realized that he couldn’t play two people anymore, and slowly, AJ was dominating over Alex. AJ found his comfort in doing drugs and drinking alcohol, it made him feel normal and accepted, and the death of his grandmother, his second mother, only added fuel to the fire. His stint in rehab was able to control the two egos, able to allow Alexander James and AJ to coincide with one another without that one ego trying to dominate the other with the consumption of alcohol and drugs. Once AJ was able to make that 180 turn in his life, we find him going into a 360 turn, finding out that he’s back to where he started. Alex was shot and killed, leaving a more aggressive and vengeful AJ to step up and fill that vacant spot. The simple things about him no longer exist; he was the talker, the charmer, the flirt, the appreciative one, but that’s all changed. He hardly talks, he often isolates himself from everyone, even his own mother, and he lost sight of why life is worth living. Why am I rambling on about AJ? It’s because I’ve known him the longest, he and I were best friends way before living the life of a Backstreet Boy. He and I were always there for one another, but for once in my life I am truly stumped in trying to help my brother.
Nick: Nicky… he always hated that nickname. That kid was quite a firecracker when I first met him, a blond bombshell indeed! There was no denying that this kid had a natural talent for the spotlight; I mean, he was the young, cute and innocent Backstreet Boy that made all the girls swoon and just go “aww”. He was so lively and energetic, spunky and chaotic (we didn’t give him the nickname Kaos for nothing!). We always teased him because he could very well pass as a younger brother of Brian’s, they just had so much in common. Nick LOVED to make people laugh, it was like his hobby, and putting both Brian and Nick together was like constructing a TNT stick, they were just explosive when they were together. He also had a thing for pranks, he loved to pull pranks on us. Of course at first it didn’t make us laugh, because it either scared the shit out of us or make us angry, but in the end it’d make us all laugh. Although he hated being called this, Nick was truly the baby of the group. We’d always pinch his cheeks and just cooed like you would to a baby, and we’d laugh as his bright, blue eyes welled up with tears and threatened to spew over. As the years went by, Nick slowly began to change into a man all his own, but that Nicky kid was still alive and thriving within him. We found him to be carefree, indeed becoming a wild child (with the release of his solo rock album and his ex girlfriends including Paris Hilton), but he always managed to bring out the kid in him again, and we’d always appreciate when he and Brian brought out Frick and Frack, it bought us all back to the good ole days. Sure, he’d get on our nerves every once in a while (especially me because he has a knack for picking on me!!), but I honestly don’t know where I’d be, where any of us would be if it wasn’t for Nick. Now, we’re living with a Nick no one knows. He has these random outbursts that shocks the hell out of all of us. He’s more aggressive, irritable, edgier, protective, he’s just not the same. He’s known for keeping things in, but now he just keeps to himself, he doesn’t even socialize with Brian. The spunk, energy, humor and carefree attitude he once had is all gone.
In a way, I think we all just isolate ourselves from everyone and each other. I mean, can you blame us? We’ve been through something quite traumatic, we all almost lost our lives, lost each other a year ago. What am I saying? We did lose each other… Kevin’s no longer the strong and reliable leader, Brian’s no longer the grounded and faithful comedian, AJ’s no longer the sociable and golden-hearted brother, Nick’s no longer the humorous and spunky kid… and I, I am no longer the reasonable and down-to-earth peacemaker. We are struggling everyday in trying to cope with what happened to us a year ago and willing ourselves to live on to face another uncertain day. I’ve never lost hope throughout this whole ordeal, I believe that we will once again find ourselves and all things will heal with time. It’s just hard trying to instill that little sense of hope into the heart’s of four men who have turned their backs on life and God.
Chapter 5 by rebellious_one
“So, how has everything been so far?”
I tried my best to give the most genuine smile that I could muster, “Everything has been going great to tell you the truth, I’m concentrating more on my wife and actually starting a family of our own.”
“Speaking of concentration, has your life differed since you departed from the Backstreet Boys.”
I took a long pause, my life has completely differed. “Well, of course since I departed there were some major… changes that had to take place and everything, but I can honestly say that my life hasn’t differed.” I had to lie. “People still view me as a Backstreet Boy, and it’s not like I had quit from the group or anything. I call it an individual indefinite hiatus for me because like I said before, I wanted to really focus on my wife and starting a family of my own and that’s what I’m doing right now. I still have fans that linger around, I would say the only difference is that they always ask me why I left the group, I guess it’s just a complicated thing that no one will understand.”
“It’s not a complicated thing at all actually.” Frank Skinner turned to address the audience. “Ladies, he does live a life apart from the Backstreet Boys! It’s his life, his decisions, let the poor lad alone.”
I could only laugh and shake my head. “I mean, it’s true.” he continued on. “If anything, I think we should all be proud of the fact that you’re concentrating more on your family and whatnot, so good for you. Now… I know this is a touchy subject to talk about, so if you have any objections, please don’t hesitate to let me know. Last year, the five of you had gone through a horrific tribulation, and the world continues to mourn the death of young Aaron Carter; but, how has everything been for you guys?”
I took a deep breath in, I should have known that this question would arise. There was no way I could avoid it, the world had to know sooner or later. “Well, the five of us are just taking it day by day, and to tell you the truth everyday is a struggle for us. As you can tell, we’re all… scarred in our own ways, I mean, a year later and I’m still going to a physical rehabilitation for my leg and I’m still on a cane. Like you said, the tribulation we had gone through was indeed horrific and it has taken a great toll on all of us. We normally see our appointed shrinks once a month, but we’re able to meet with them whenever necessary. Even though it’s been a year, the incident is still fresh within our minds and all, so really, in this case a year isn’t a long time. We’re still transmuting our horrific experience into nothing but a memory, and it’s a slow and strenuous progress, but progress nonetheless. I’m hoping we’ll soon enter the phase of putting all that in the past and just… moving on with our lives. Don’t you think we’re doing a good job with that? I mean, I’m with my wife trying to start a family, and the other four fellas are working to put out another Backstreet album.”
“I truly tip my hat of to you fellas,” Frank and the rest of the audience began clapping. “I truly do. I may not know how it feels to be in the music industry, but I do understand how the entertainment business works nonetheless. Life moves so quick when you’re in that business, regardless of what you go through, and you guys always manage to rise above it all. I’m not only saying this in part of what you guys have been through a year ago, but you guys have manage to overcome it all for the past decade and then some, so really hats off to you fellas.”
“Thank you. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the love and support our fans and just people in general continue to give us, I really don’t think we would’ve made it through all these years.”
“I have to agree, I mean you Backstreet Boys have one of the most dedicated and loyal following I’ve ever seen, and the last time I’ve ever seen a following like that was with the whole Beetle Mania, and that was crazy, but of course people consider you guys to be the Beetles of today. Well, I hate to say it but it looks like that’s all the time we have for today. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up one more time for the remarkable Kevin Richardson.”
I smiled and waved as the crowd broke out into cheering and clapping. I shook hands with Frank once more and then made my way out towards the backstage. I looked up and seen my wife standing there, smiling at me.
“How ya feeling hunny?” she asked me as she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and we began to make our way our of the studio.
“I’m alright.” I lied.
Chapter 6 by rebellious_one
February 13, 2007
I clasped my hands together, waiting anxiously for the others to arrive. For once in my life, I was actually on time for something, I was at the recording studio before the other three. If only Kevin was here to see this, he would’ve been happy. Normally, I’d be greeted with “What in the hell took you so long Nick?” or a more sarcastic remark like “Did you forget how to drive your car?” but there was nothing but silence.
The fellas… well, I should say Howie, Brian, AJ and I haven’t really talked or seen each other together since November of 2006. Sure, we called each other on the phone every once in a while, but our phone conversations never lasted for more than an hour.
My thoughts were broken when I heard someone open the door. I looked up to see Howie walking in.
Howie looked over towards me and smiled, “I was kind of expecting me to be the first one here…”
“And me to be the last?” I joked.
I pushed myself up from the chair and grabbed him in a tight embrace. “Good to see you D.”
“Good to see you too buddy.” he backed away from the hug to look me over. “Gosh, look at you…”
“C’mon now D., it’s only been a few months.”
“Yeah, but it feels like it’s been forever! You look good Nick.”
“As do you. Hope everything is just as good though.”
“Well, now that I’m here, everything will be. Is it just you?”
I looked around at the empty studio, “Yup.”
“Am I dreaming or is Nick Carter really here before everyone else for once?”
I playfully pushed him away. “Shutup man.” I paused as I realized I pushed the arm that was grazed by a bullet and it looked awkward for some reason. “What happened?”
Howie looked down at his arm, “I got a skin graft done.”
“When?”
“In December. Doctors said the wound wasn’t healing properly, so they decided to do a skin graft to help the healing process.”
Just as I opened my mouth to ask him another question, the door opened revealing Brian behind it. “Did you guys start the party without me?” he asked.
I could only smile as I made my way over towards him, the question I was going to ask Howie completely leaving my mind. “Of course not Rok.” I replied as I grabbed him in a hug. “How ya doing man?”
“Alright I guess,” I could hear him falter in his answer, he wasn’t alright. “and how are you two?”
“Well, just found out that D. got a skin graft done.”
Brian looked over at Howie with wide eyes. “When and why?”
“Don’t I get a ‘Hello Howard’ and a hug before all the questions?” Howie asked, trying to sound hurt, but he failed miserably.
Brian smiled at him and hugged him gently, being careful not to touch the arm where he got the skin graft done. “Hello Howard.” he mocked. “Now, when did you get a skin graft and why?”
“Got it done this past December because it wasn’t healing properly.”
“I know Howie’s important and all, but if you haven’t forgotten Brian, you did ask me how I was doing.” I interjected. “And I am proud to say that I was actually the first one here!”
Brian actually gave an appalled look, damn him. He looked over at Howie for confirmation, who only nodded in response. “Where the hell is Ashton Kutcher?”
I chuckled at his stupid remark. “Why does that surprise everyone?”
“Having you being on time is like having a blue moon rise from the horizon… it just normally doesn’t occur.” Howie retorted.
Speaking of being on time, I looked around the studio again, finally noticing that it was only Brian, Howie and I. “Wonder what’s taking AJ so long.”
“I’m right here.”
The three of us turned to find a distressed looking AJ placing his duffel bag down on a chair. Gosh, he must’ve been so quiet and discreet when he came into the room because I didn’t even hear the door, and normally, it makes an irritating creaking sound whenever someone opened it.
“Sorry I’m late.” he softly apologized, not even bothering to look up at us. “I was honestly taking my time in getting here.”
Howie smiled warmly at his best friend, “Hey, no problem man.” he walked over towards AJ, expecting him to stop what he was doing and hug him, but AJ just kept to himself. “Ahem.” Howie coughed while stretching his arms out. “Did we sleep with each other last night or something?”
At first I gave an awkward look, confused as to what Howie meant by that. Brian glanced over at me and snickered, it wasn’t until I looked over at him that I finally got it. AJ, on the other hand, didn’t even smirk. He simply stopped what he was doing and gave Howie a brief and simple hug, and that was it. The look on his face remained the same, as if it was some forced routine he had to go through.
“Nice to see you D.” he muttered in the hug. He then hesitantly made his way over to me and Brian to give us a hug as well. “So, how’s everyone doing?”
While Howie started to recite everything once more for AJ, I broke off into my little own thoughts. Sure, the incident that occurred well over a year ago affected us all in different ways, but out of the five of us, AJ has all this animosity pent up within him. You would think that I would be the one that has all this anger and hostility, well, I should rephrase that. I DO have anger and resentment within me, but I know better than to withdraw myself and use it against the people I love.
Remember when I told you that I was visited by Aaron while I was in my coma? Well, when I became conscious, I woke up to this whole other light in life. He told me that everything was going to be okay and that he’d be seeing me soon. Now, don’t ask me what the hell he meant by that, because I really don’t plan on dying any time soon, but I trust my brother for some reason. Hearing him tell me that everything was going to be okay gave me ultimate reassurance. I mean, I killed this man that messed up our lives, it was all over, but AJ kept living his life as if the whole world was out to get him.
I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Howie call my name. “Yeah?”
“I said are you ready? We’re all here now.”
I gave a weak smirk and nodded. I turned to look at the door, almost as if waiting for Kevin to bust through it any moment. No… we all weren’t here.
Chapter 7 by rebellious_one
I decided to call a ten minute break, being in that studio was beginning to be too much for me. I stepped out back and pulled my pack of cigarettes out from my pocket. I shook one of the sticks out and placed it in my mouth, lighting it and taking a long, deep drag. I held the fumes in my lungs for as long as I could, finally releasing my breath and watching as the puff of smoke wisped away, there goes my stress.
Now, I know what you’re thinking… AJ McLean, what a freaking asshole! Look, I don’t mean to be so harsh and cruel towards them, I was actually really glad for seeing all of them, or at least three of them once again. But, therein lies the problem… deep inside I was screaming with joy, outside I was quite nonchalant. There’s no use in trying to explain myself, why I am the way I am because first of all you probably heard about a million of times from us that we all changed, and second of all there’s no reason or excuse.
I was brought back to reality when I heard the back door open, Nick decided to join me outside. Right there and then I wanted to just embrace him in the tightest hug I could muster, start over and give a real proper “good to see you” greeting, but I couldn’t bring myself around to doing just that. So, what did I do? I pretended as if I didn’t even notice he was there, and just continued to smoke my cigarette.
When he realized that I wasn’t going to acknowledge him, he took it upon himself to say something. “What are you doing out here?”
I tried to suppress the chuckle that rose in my throat. I swear, was this kid naturally blond or just naturally stupid? I took another drag of my cigarette. “Smoking a cancer stick.” I said while exhaling the smoke to emphasize my point.
Nick laughed, catching on to my “cancer stick” comment. Whenever Kevin saw either me or him smoking, he’d always go “Do you honestly want your guys cause of death to be from cancer sticks?”
“Am I bothering your smoking session in any way?”
I shook my head as I released a lungful of smoke, “Don’t mind the company at all. But to what do I owe the pleasure?”
He shrugged, “I just can’t stay in there for some reason.” You and me both brother. “It’s just not the same, ya know?”
“Don’t I know it?” I replied. I looked down at my cigarette, in which I was almost half way done smoking, but I offered it to Nick. “I would give you another one, but this is my last.”
Nick only smiled and graciously took the ‘cancer stick’ away from me. He began to smoke the remains as I situated myself against the wall. “Do you think…” he started, but then paused.
I glanced over at him, wondering why he had just stopped mid-sentence. “Do I think what?”
“Do you think what we’re doing is… right? Regardless of the contract, I just don’t feel right being here, especially without Kevin. I feel pushed to do this, and it’s like they didn’t even take into consideration… what we went through.”
He was hesitant to mention anything about our incident. None of us really said anything to each other about it, only to our shrinks. I honestly tried to avoid it at all costs; when I was with the guys and it was brought up (which there were very rare occasions) then I’d either always find my way out of it or try to change the subject. But, when I’m with my shrink, I open up to him about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.
“Do you still see your shrink?”
Nick gave me a weird look, “What?!”
“Do you still see your shrink?”
He fell silent for a while, he knew what I was doing, which, I could tell, irritated him. “No, I don’t still see my shrink, I have no purpose to do so.”
“I still see my shrink.” I mumbled.
“Okay, but what does that have to do with me?”
“Nick, I’m able to tell my psychiatrist everything, and I mean everything! Whenever my session is done, I feel a lot better, like all the burden that has been placed upon my shoulders had been lifted off. Imagine how you’ll feel once you start utilizing your shrink once again.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me, all I did was ask you if you think what we’re doing is right.” I fell silent. “C’mon Jay, you gotta stop running from the past.”
“I’m not running from it.” I snapped. “There’s just no sense in living in the past.”
“No one’s asking you to relive it. Every time we mention ‘something’ about what happened, your always changing the subject.”
I fell silent again. Nick was right, I am running from the past, along with everything else. “I don’t feel right…” I finally replied. “it doesn’t feel right at all.”
Nick continued to stare at me, not saying a word. He took one last drag of the cigarette and threw it down, grounding it into the ground with his shoe. “C’mon,” he said, exhaling the smoke. “Lets finish up.”
Chapter 8 by rebellious_one
“So, you guys wanna go and get something to eat?” Howie asked all of us. We were finally done putting down at least two tracks, compromising with Jive that we would take this record slow.
I nodded, “I wouldn’t mind that.” we both looked over towards AJ and Nick, waiting for their response.
“Count me in.” Nick finally replied with a shrug.
AJ was all that was left. He was busy shoving his belongings into his duffel bag. He finally looked up at the three of us, “Are we going to McDonalds?” was all that he asked us.
We all smiled and laughed, glad that a little of the old AJ was shining through. “Well, now that you mentioned it, McDonalds doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”
~*~*~*~
“Is that what you really wanted Nick?” I asked, observing the double cheeseburger Mighty Kids meal that he ordered himself.
Nick looked up at us as he continued to unwrap his burger. “If this wasn’t what I really wanted, I wouldn’t have ordered it.” he replied sarcastically. Once his burger was unwrapped, he reached back into his bag to pull out the packaged toy.
“I miss getting these things… when I was a kid, I remember that my mom would always take out my Happy Meal toy before she handed the bag to me. She wouldn’t give me the toy until I ate my food.”
Howie chuckled, “I remember my mother having a fetish for the beanie baby toys they would put in the meals. She’d always tell us to make sure that whenever we went to McDonalds, to order the Happy Meal just to get the blessed beanie baby. It was a collector’s item back then and John would always purposely open the package just to irritate her.”
“Remember those furby toys they used to give out too?” Nick asked, pointing his French fry at us as he talked. “And the tamagotchi toys? Man, those were the days…”
I sat there and smiled at them as I continued to eat my filet-o-fish burger. I glanced over at AJ, who had remained silent throughout the evening. He was picking at his sandwich, shoving his French fries into the top part of the bun.
“When I was a kid, I would pretend that the burger and fries were a birthday cake and candles. I’d always take my French fries, shove them into my sandwich and hand it over to Harold while singing Happy Birthday.” I suddenly blurted.
I caught his attention because now he was looking up at me just as he was about to shove another fry into his sandwich. A slow grin crept up on his face, “I used to always do that too…” he quietly replied. “But, I’d always sing Happy Birthday to my mother.”
We all fell silent once again, going back to finishing off our meals. Howie was the first one to finish his, and he just sat there watching us. “Well,” he said as he gathered his rubbish onto his tray. “Anyone up for desert?”
“Can you get me a vanilla ice cream cone?” Nick asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
Howie nodded, “Okay, Rok and Jay, you guys want anything?”
“What are you getting?” I asked him.
“A McFlurry.”
I looked over at the large menu that was above the ordering counter. “Um… I’ll take an apple pie…” I looked over at AJ, who was discarding his half eaten burger and fries. “You want anything Jay?”
AJ glanced up at me and shook his head, “I’m good.”
As soon as Howie turned to leave, I took a French fry and threw it at Nick, which hit his cheek.
“What the hell was that for?” he asked me as he picked up the fry I threw at him and ate it.
I simply chuckled, “First you order a Mighty Kids meal, now you’re ordering a vanilla ice cream cone? How old are you again Nick?”
“What’s wrong with me ordering what ever the hell I want?”
“I find something HIGHLY wrong with a man in his late 20’s, early 30’s ordering a kids meal and an ice cream cone. I mean, that’s like going to a restaurant and asking for a kid’s menu.”
“What do you mean ‘that’s like’? I do that sometimes, especially when it’s just me and Aa…” he stopped mid-sentence, and I know why. Both AJ and I looked at him as the smile fell from his face. “Especially when it was just me and Aaron…” he finished off solemnly.
“Here we go…” Howie said as he came back with our desert order. “Ice cream cone for you,” he handed Nick his Ice cream cone, “your apple pie,” he handed me my warm pie in a pocket, “and my McFlurry.”
Without saying another word, we began to eat the desert Howie purchased for us. All of a sudden, I heard Nick’s voice voice break the silence, “I try to go on like I never knew you, I’m awake but my world is half asleep... I pray for this heart to be unbroken,”
The three of turned to look around, wondering where our song was coming from. All of a sudden it got louder and we turned towards AJ, who was holding his cell phone and grinning sheepishly.
“You have our song as your ringtone?” Nick asked him.
AJ shrugged as he flipped his phone open, “Why not? I set all my private calls under this ringtone.” he told them as he ignored the call and flipped his phone close.
“You don’t answer private calls?” Howie questioned.
AJ shook his head, “Nope. Can’t stand it when people call me from blocked numbers.” he placed his cell phone down on the table. It began to ring once more, but yet again he just ignored it.
“What do you have us set under?” Nick asked.
AJ gave him a puzzled look, “What do I have you guys set under?”
“Yeah, like our ringtones… do the four of us have the same ringtone or different ones?”
“Well, if you insist on knowing, I have you under ‘Pretty Fly For A White Guy’.”
“You think I’m pretty fly for a white guy?”
“No, who said I thought you were pretty fly for a white guy? The first verse of the song is your ringtone.”
His cell phone started to ring again, and he ignored it yet again.
“I think you should answer that.” Howie told AJ. “Could be an urgent call, they keep calling back.”
“Then they should unblock their number.”
Yet, his phone kept ringing and ringing, the caller seemed relentless to stop. Sighing heavily, AJ finally picked up his phone. “Hello?” he gruffly answered.
The three of us fell silent, waiting for AJ to reply to whoever it was that was calling him.
“Hello?” he repeated. “Heeelllooo?!?”
He waited for a while longer and then finally hung his phone up. “And that,” he said to us as he shoved his cell phone back into his pocket. “is why I don’t not bother with private calls.”
The three of us went back to finishing off our desert. Nick finished off his ice cream cone and rose from his seat, “You done?” he asked me as he gathered all our trash onto his tray.
I nodded as I finished off the last bite of my apple pie. I handed him my rubbish and he took it to dispense it in the trash. I looked over towards the entrance and noticed two male police officers standing by the door. They were looking around, but then their eyes locked on our group. I broke my stare away from them, but noticed that they were now making their way over towards us.
“Excuse me,” one of the officer’s addressed us. Nick came back to the table and sat down. “We’re looking for a Mr. Nickolas Gene Carter.”
None of us said a thing, we were all silently wondering why they wanted Nick.
“That would be me.” Nick finally spoke up.
One of the officers approached Nick while I caught the other one pulling out a pair of handcuffs from the corner of my eye. “What’s going on?” I blurted out, drawing the rest of their attention towards the officer who was holding out a pair of handcuffs.
“You have the right to remain silent,” the officer near Nick read his rights as the other officer approached Nick and placed the handcuffs around his wrists. “anything you say or do may be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to attorney or one will be appointed to you.”
“What the hell did I do?” Nick bellowed, catching the attention of the other McDonald’s customers.
As one of the officers began dragging Nick away from us, we all snapped up from our seats.
“What’s going on?” AJ questioned. “Where are you guys taking him?”
“We’re taking him in,” the officer replied. “you guys are more than welcomed to follow if you guys want to know more.”
“No.” Howie snapped, taking both AJ and I aback. “We demand to know what’s going on right now. We are fully aware of the rights and all, but with all due respect sir you guys cannot detain him unless he is aware of what he is being detained for.”
“Sir, Nickolas Gene Carter is being charged for first degree murder.”
Chapter 9 by rebellious_one
“Excuse me?” I asked them, not wanting to believe what I was hearing. “First degree murder?”
“Yes, he’s being charged with first degree murder of Jeffery Donner.”
“Wait, who the hell is Jeffery Donner?” AJ interjected this time, his anger getting the best of him.
“There’s nothing more I can tell you guys, we are in a public place. If you’d like to know more, please follow us to the station.” and with that, he left out after his partner and Nick.
I looked at AJ and Brian, who had shock clearly written all over their face. My eyes roamed over at the customers, they were simply staring at us.
“Lets go.” I said, breaking the silence and out of our appalled state.
We all quickly left McDonalds and jumped into our respective cars to drive down to the station. “Call Kevin and tell him to meet us down at the station.” I told Brian before I jumped into my car. One by one we pulled out of the parking lot and drove over towards the station.
It was a ten minute drive from where we were, but once we got there I quickly parked my car and jumped out, not even bothering to lock. Not long after AJ pulled in followed by Brian. I stood by the entrance and waited for them to get out of their cars.
“Kevin’s on his way down here.” Brian informed me.
I nodded and opened the door to the station, the three of us silently walking in. We approached the front desk and waited for the female receptionist to address us.
“Can I help you?” she asked us, stopping whatever it was that she was typing on the computer.
“Yes, we’re not sure of what they’re names are, but there were two officers that brought in a guy by the name of Nickolas Gene Carter. We’d like to talk to those officers to get some answers.”
She nodded and resumed typing on her computer once again. “Please take a seat, I’ll be sure to have one of Carter’s arresting officers address you gentlemen.”
The three of us turned right around and sat in the waiting area of the police station. I held my head in my hands as I tried to think, who the hell was Jeffery Donner? But, try as I might, the name just didn’t ring a bell.
“You guys, who the hell is Jeffery Donner?” AJ broke my thoughts, more like read my thoughts.
“I don’t know.” Brian finally answered. “Never heard of him in my life.”
“You guys don’t…” AJ started, but then stopped. Both Brian and I turned to look at him as he continued to stare at the ground. “You guys don’t think… there’s something he’s not telling us, right? I mean, he wouldn’t hide something like this from us.”
“No.” I replied sharply. “There’s nothing he’s hiding from us, he didn’t do it. I’m sure this is… all just some kind of big misunderstanding.”
Both Brian and AJ looked away, hoping that what I said was right. I closed my eyes and sighed, I’m not too sure if I was right at all.
Chapter 10 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
Hope this gets a little bit more interesting for you guys. And remember, I THRIVE on reviews!! =)
“It’s just you and me tonight… no one here…” kiss “nothing and no one to bother us…” kiss “nothing standing in our way…” kiss “just… us” she ended with a more sensual kiss on my lips.
I smiled as I fell into the contour of her satin lips. We fell back on the couch, I pulled her on top of me so that I was lying down on the couch and she was straddling my waist.
“I’m ready Kevin…” she whispered to me.
“Well, did you decide on any names?” I asked her.
“How could I? We didn’t even start yet, we can’t get our hopes too high now.”
“Yeah…” I slurred off. “But still. Both Brian and Leighanne had names in mind before they even ‘started’.”
She chuckled, god I love the way she laughs. “Well, lets just get past phase one…” she was leaning down towards me so that we could lip-lock again, but all of that flew out the window when my damn cell phone started to go off.
“You have got to be shiting me!” I groaned as I rose from the couch.
She placed her hands upon my chest and pushed me down. “Uh-uh… I already told you, it’s just the two of us, nothing or no one to distract us.”
I laid there for a while, contemplating it over. I really didn’t want to get up and answer my phone, I just wanted to stay right where I was forever, but I was a businessman, almost all calls that came through were important.
“I know baby, and I’m sorry. Let me just get this, see what it’s all about and I’ll be back in a second, I promise.” I told her as I pecked her on the lips.
She sighed heavily and rose off my waist and I got up from the couch to answer my cell phone. I looked down and seen “Brian’s Cell” sprawled across the screen. “What can I do for you tonight?” I answered.
“I need you to come down to the police station right now.”
My eyes widened at that statement, my heart began to pound wildly in my chest. From the corner of my eye I could see Kristin now kneeling on the couch, mouthing “what happened?”
“What happened? Is everything okay?”
“We’re okay, but Nick’s been arrested.”
“Arrested? For what?”
“They’re charging him with first degree murder of some guy named Jeffery Donner.”
“Who the hell is Jeffery Donner?”
“Look, that’s all we know as of right now. Howie, AJ and I are making our way down to the station as we speak. If you can, just meet us there okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.” I said as I hung up the phone and shoved it into my pocket.
“What happened?” Kristin whispered.
I raked my hand through my hair, trying to ease my heart that was now racing. “Nick’s been arrested on charges of first degree murder.”
Kristin’s eyes immediately bulged and she quickly placed her hand over her mouth in shock. “Oh my god, are you serious?”
I sighed. “Yeah… look baby, I’m really sorry about all this, but I have to go down to them.”
She rose from the couch and made her ways over towards me. “There’s nothing you gotta apologize for.” she said as she grabbed my hands. “You go on over there with them, I’ll be fine. Just, call me if anything okay?”
“Will do.” I replied as I kissed her. “Love ya babe.” I said as I headed out the door and into my car.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I jumped out of my car and made my way over to the entrance of the station. I stopped when I seen AJ by the door, smoking a damn cancer stick.
“AJ.” I called out.
He looked over towards me and exhaled a cloud of smoke. “Hey Kev.” he whispered, placing the cigarette to his mouth to take another deep drag.
“Anything new? Did anyone come out to talk to you guys yet?”
AJ shook his head, “No… we’ve been waiting here for almost half an hour just to talk to those damn cops who arrested him.”
“What exactly happened?”
“I don’t know.” he replied with a shrug. “I mean, we were at the studio today putting down two tracks and we all decided to have dinner at McDonalds. We were all having a good time until those two officers showed up. They simply read Nick his rights and took him away. They told us he was being charged with first degree murder of some guy named Jeffery Donner, but that was all he told us.”
“Who the hell is Jeffery Donner?”
Again, he simply shrugged while he blew out a puff of smoke. “Still trying to figure that out.”
The door to the entrance of the police station swung open, revealing Brian. “They’re here.” he said.
AJ quickly discarded the remains of his cigarette and smashed into the ground with his shoe. We both walked into the station and over to the two officers who were waiting to address the four of us.
“So,” one of the officers started. “you are Howie Dorough, Brian Littrell, AJ McLean…” he looked over to me and froze. “and you are?”
“Kevin Richardson.”
“Okay. So, I know you four have tons of questions to ask us, but let me tell you what’s happening first and hopefully I’ll answer all your questions. If you gentlemen could kindly step into this room please.” he said as he pushed the door open to a room.
The four of us walked into this room that looked a lot similar to an interrogating room. Once we were all seated, the officer that addressed us earlier sat down across from us while the other officer stood by the door.
“First of all I’m Officer Malloy and that’s Officer Tanner, and we were the two arresting officers of Nickolas Gene Carter. Now, Mr. Carter has been charged with first degree murder of a guy by the name of Jeffery Donner. The crime has happened well over a year ago but it’s a crime nonetheless and I’m assuming that it had been overlooked due to the traumatic incident you five went through last year.”
“That’s right, so when exactly did it happen?” I asked.
He opened his manila folder to scan over the paper documents that were inside. “In November sir.”
“November?” I repeated, none of this was making sense. “November of 2005 was when our incident occurred and we were hospitalized for a long time. There’s no possible way Nick could’ve committed any crimes during this time.”
“He… he did this to all of us?”
All of us shot our glances towards AJ, who had a mixture of shock and puzzlement written all over his face.
“What are you talking about?” Howie questioned.
“Jeffery Donner… he was the one that did this to all of us.”
Chapter 11 by rebellious_one
I winced as I felt my muscles beginning to strain, they had really wrenched my arms way back just to place their damn handcuffs on. The officer that had placed the handcuffs on my wrists had his hand on my back, pushing me forward while the other one walked ahead of us, opening a door to their interrogating room. The room was dark, and all I could see was the outline of a table and two chairs. The officer behind me shoved me down into the chair while the other one flicked on a lamp, shedding a small beam of light into the darkened room.
“Okay…” the one who turned on the light started. “I’m Officer Malloy and that’s Officer Tanner.” he sat down on the chair that was positioned across from me.
“Wait, you’re gonna be the one who’s gonna interrogate me?” I asked him.
“Interrogate?” he mocked. “Son, you watch too much TV for your own good. There’s no need to interrogate you, we already found guilty on the charge of first degree murder.”
“Well, I ain’t saying shit until my lawyer gets here.”
“That won’t be necessary.” Officer Tanner finally spoke up.
“And why the hell not?”
Officer Tanner continued to walk around behind me while Officer Malloy just glanced up at him and smirked. Before I could turn around to see what he was smirking at, I felt a hand quickly clamp down on the back of my neck. Officer Tanner swiftly shoved my face into the table, squeezing hard on the pressure points in my neck.
“You have one smart ass mouth.” he growled into my ear. “I want you to shut the fuck up and listen to what I have to say. You have been charged with first degree murder of Jeffery Donner. There will be no court order and no need for lawyers because you have already been found guilty on this charge. You will go to prison but you will have one court hearing where you’ll be able to appeal.”
“Who the fuck is Jeffery Donner?” I screamed, trying to squirm away from his vice grip on the back of my neck, I was starting to feel lightheaded.
He swiftly pulled me off my chair and slammed his fist into my stomach. I immediately doubled over, gasping for the air that was forced out of my lungs. “What kind of fucking cops are you?” I asked through clenched teeth.
He grabbed me by the back of my neck again and pulled me up so I was standing straight. “Now…” he whispered. “I want you to be a good boy and do exactly as I say. You don’t say shit, you don’t try to retaliate, the better of you’ll be. You will spend a night here in our jail cell but early tomorrow morning we will transfer you to California State Prison where you’ll be staying for the next… week or so.”
For some reason, I started to cry in front of those bastards. No, not for the pain that was coursing through my abdomen, but for the fact that this all seemed so surreal and I was frustrated as hell. “Who is Jeffery Donner?”
Officer Malloy leaned forward in his seat. “Tell me something Nick… do you ever find yourself staring long and hard at the mirror, contemplating on who you are and who you were before. What is the one thing that you always find yourself constantly looking at, your insides trying to convince you that you’re still the Nick Carter everyone has known you to be, but outside the agony is tearing you apart because that image of your physical appearance is reflecting back to you and you see someone completely different.” what in the hell was this guy talking about?
“Think Nick…” he stressed, his hand moving over his chest. My hand immediately flew up to where my scar was, oh my god… “There you go Nicky…” he replied in a eerie tone, sending chills up and down my spine.
Chapter 12 by rebellious_one
“What are you talking about?” Howie asked me.
“Jeffery Donner…” I replied, still trying to piece it all together within my head so that it could at least make sense to me first. “he was the one that did this to all of us.”
“AJ, your not making any sense.” Kevin told me, capturing my attention. “What are you talking about?”
“The cemetery.” I blurted out. It was painful for me to think back to that very night, lets not forget that I was always the one who was running away from the past. “That’s the only time I can think of when Nick actually shot somebody.” I paused and looked over at the four of them to see if they had finally registered what I was telling them. “But sir, Nick shot that man out of self defense, do you guys even understand how many crimes this guy… Jeffery Donner has under his belt? If you ask me, I think Nick did you guys a favor.”
“We are very well aware of that Mr. McLean, but murder is a crime nonetheless and we have witnesses that testified otherwise.”
“And that would be?” Brian questioned.
“We can’t release that information to you guys at this moment. All we can tell you is that he has been found guilty on this charge and will be sent to the California State Prison early tomorrow morning. We aren’t too sure how long he’ll be detained there, we just know that he’ll have a court hearing where he’ll be able to appeal, so if I were you guys I’d find the best lawyer you can to help Mr. Carter in this case.”
“So, that’s it?” I asked in a cocky tone. “It’s our word against who and how many of them? As far as I know, it was only the five of us and Jeffery present during that time. What witnesses are you guys talking about?”
“As far as you know.” Officer Malloy repeated, pointing his clasped hands towards me. “Look, I understand that you guys have been through a lot this past year, and we really don’t mean to burden you guys with anything else, but we’re just following through with our boss’ orders. As much as we’d like to clear things up for you gentlemen, that’s about all that we can tell you. Now, if you can please excuse us,” Officer Malloy rose from his chair and walked over to the door. “we have other business to attend to.” he said as he pushed the door and held it open.
The four of us rose from our seats as well and proceeded outside. I glanced at both Officer Malloy and Tanner on my way out, they both had this smug look on their face, which only made my anger boil even more. Once we walked out of the station, I quickly reached into my pockets and pulled out my pack of cigarettes.
“Another damn cancer stick?” Kevin asked me.
“These damn cancer sticks always relieves my stress, or my anger for that matter.”
“So, what are we gonna do you guys?” Howie questioned no one in particular.
“We’re gonna do exactly what they suggested we do.” Kevin replied. “We’re gonna find the best damn lawyers there is for Nick.”
I placed the cigarette to my mouth and lit it. You know, through all this shit that’s going on right now, I can honestly say that it felt good to have Kevin as the leader once again.
Chapter 13 by rebellious_one
Here I sat on my couch, waiting for Johnny to arrive. I was using this time to let everything sink in for once, at the police station everything was happening so fast. I had so much questions to ask, and really none of them were answered. I just had to take what I had now and just let it all sink in.
When Kevin called Johnny, he sounded a bit angry at first. We didn’t explain to him everything that had happened, all we told him was that Nick was arrested for first degree murder charges of Jeffery Donner. His big thing was why he wasn’t the first to be called and why we didn’t do all these things he thought we should’ve done. But when your stuck in the moment like we were, you don’t have time to think, you just act.
My eyes glazed over to see what everyone else was doing. Kevin was on the phone, probably with Kristin. Brian was sitting on the love seat, biting at his fingernails and stopping every once in a while to look at the new length (he still didn’t break that habit). AJ was sitting on one of my big lounge seats, head propped up on his left arm, trying so hard to keep himself awake. As for me, I was just sitting on my couch like I told you before, but I now developed this routine of checking my watch every once in a while.
“Kevin, you did tell Johnny that we wanted to see him tonight and not whenever it was convenient right?” AJ asked.
Kevin didn’t even bother to answer him, he just continued to talk on the phone, completely dismissing AJ’s question. Of course, AJ sighed heavily out of agitation and went back to staring off in space. Not long after though, the doorbell rang and AJ immediately sprung up from where he was seated to answer it.
We all looked up when AJ walked back into the parlor, Johnny trailing not far behind. Kevin immediately told whoever he was on the phone with that he had to go. We all decided to meet in my dining area. Of course, Johnny sat at the head of the table while we all dispersed in the other chairs.
“All I need is one person to explain everything to me.” Johnny started. “Who’s it gonna be?”
Out of natural instinct, we all snapped our heads over to Kevin. “Me?” he asked us. “I wouldn’t be able to explain it fully to you because I wasn’t there when it all happened.”
Before I could look at anyone else to tell Johnny what had happened, I found both Brian and AJ’s eyes on me. “Okay,” I sighed. “after we had put down two tracks at the studio, we decided to go out and have dinner together. We were at McDonalds when these two officers approached us to arrest Nick. All they could tell us was that he was charged with first degree murder of Jeffery Donner.”
“And who is this Jeffery Donner?”
“The one we were on the run from for a long time.”
“Wait… the one that abducted you and all?” as I nodded in reply, he shook his head. “No… that can’t be right…”
“What do you mean?” Kevin questioned, turning puzzled at his sudden odd behavior.
Johnny looked up at all of us and sighed, “You guys…”
“There’s something you haven’t been completely honest about with us?” AJ finished his sentence.
“No, there’s something that we hadn’t told you guys… at all. Something had happened after you guys arrived at the hospital the second time around. I was notified that there was six present at the cemetery…”
“Yeah, the five of us and that Jeffery dude…”
Johnny nodded, “But I was also notified that besides you five, no other bodies were found.”
My mouth fell open in complete shock. I glanced at the other three, they were all equally appalled as I.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell us this Johnny?” Kevin asked in a bitter tone.
“Look, at the time you guys already had a lot on your plate. Our main concern was having you guys pull through, hell AJ and Nick weren’t even suppose to make it.”
“But we did.” AJ interjected this time. “And we pulled through, how come you didn’t tell us this after? It’s been a year since this all happened, we’ll be going on two years soon and only now you tell us this, after Nick is detained and charged with first degree murder?”
“I know it was wrong on my part, but believe me fellas we had this case under wraps, which we kept undercover. We didn’t want you guys to get involve in anyway, we were having FBI look into the situation while we heightened our security staff. It has been under investigation ever since.”
“Maybe they found him dead?” I suggested, I didn’t like confrontation of any sort. “And that’s why Nick was charged.”
“But he shouldn’t be charged with anything!” AJ snapped. “He did it out of self defense, but those damn officers were saying that these witnesses testified otherwise.”
Johnny gave AJ a confused look, “Wait… witnesses? Who were these officers and who were the witnesses?”
“Officer Malloy and Officer Tanner. We asked them the same thing, but they told us that they couldn’t release the names of the witnesses. We tried to tell him that it was only the five of us and Jeffery Donner present at the time, but they weren’t listening to us at all.”
“So, what’s going on then?”
“They’ll be transferring Nick over to the California State Prison first thing tomorrow morning. They weren’t sure how long he would be detained there, but they did say that he would be able to appeal in a court hearing. In the meantime, they said all we can do is look for the best lawyer out there to help him in his case.”
Johnny began to rub his temples, obviously trying to ward off the tension headaches that was now bothering him. “This is making no sense at all…”
“Yeah, tell us about it. Having us say anything was like having us talk to a damn brick wall.”
Johnny continued to rub his temples, remaining silent for a while. He finally looked up at us, an idea popping into his mind. “We’re gonna get to the bottom of this. Until then, Nick’s just gonna have to hold on and play along… we’re gonna find him the best damn lawyer there is, and we’re gonna get him out of there.”
Chapter 14 by rebellious_one
Sleep didn’t come easy to me, how could it? Here I was, lying on a stiff cot, waiting for someone to come and get me. Am I anticipating to be transferred over to the prison? No, but lying in this rotting, cold cell wasn’t making the situation any better. I’ll soon be entering a world of criminals, some of them being rapists while most of them are murderers, like me. Only difference is that I killed someone out of self defense, they killed for a living.
Anyway, I busied myself by counting the number of holes they had in their ceiling, I was on the 313th hole. I glanced down at my watch, it was nearing 8:30, I thought they said that they were coming to get me first thing in the morning? I guess I thought too fast because next thing I know, in walks Officer Malloy and Officer Tanner.
“Good morning Sleeping Beauty.” Officer Tanner greeted me. “Did you sleep well?”
“I was until you two showed up, you reminded me that I was sleeping in a hell hole.”
“Well, our cells ain’t that bad…” Officer Malloy remarked as he looked around at my cell. “Watch when you get to prison, you’ll see and notice the difference... hell, you might even feel it!”
I know the guys always tease me about being blond and all, but I truly didn’t understand his statement right there. Officer Tanner walked up to my cell and took out his keys to unlock it. “Okay, lets get this straight. You’re a pop star, a world renowned fucking Backstreet Boy, who commits murder. You’re guilty as charged and you’re going to the California State Prison where there is a shitload of criminals. Do you know what they do to fresh meat? Do you want to know what they do? Well, considering your status, you can’t even being to imagine what they’ll do to you.”
I rolled my eyes at their “don’t pick up the bar of soap” speech, so to speak. “Look, your guys job is to transfer me to that goddamn prison, not to play fucking mind games with your dumbass scare tactics.”
They both turned to look at each other in amusement. Officer Tanner ripped the cell door open while Officer Malloy walked in, approaching me rather quickly. I tried to back away but his hand quickly shot out, grabbing my right arm. He wrenched it tightly behind my back and grabbed my other arm to bring it back as well. Officer Tanner now approached me with a grin on his face and he began to plow his fists into my stomach, forcing the air right out of my lungs.
“You have quite a mouth boy.” Officer Tanner said as he continued to deliver punch after punch to my abdomen area, causing me to double over. I felt my arms beginning to strain as Officer Malloy pulled my arms even tighter behind my back as I hunched over.
Once Officer Tanner was through, Officer Malloy had let go of my arms, allowing me to collapse to my knees. I instantly crumbled to the ground, clutching at my stomach. I began to cough and hack, gulping down air that they had forced out of me.
“C’mon pretty boy.” Officer Malloy said as he grabbed me by the back of my shirt and hauled me to my feet.
Once I was standing, he pushed me out of my cell, and I tried my best to walk on my weak legs, my back hunched because my stomach protested every time I tried to stand straight. Officer Tanner immediately placed handcuffs around my wrists and shackles around my ankles and we were on our merry way to that damn transfer bus. They led me outside their station and god it had never felt so good to see the sun, let alone have it’s scorching heat beat down on my body. My body was growing weak by the second and I was desperately trying to fight the dizzy spells that were threatening to take me over. I looked up through my disoriented state to notice a line of criminals standing outside a bus, slowly filing in one by one. They too had handcuffs and shackles, they all stood and waited for the jail guard to check them off.
“We’ll be seeing you real soon Backstreet Boy.” Officer Tanner cackled as they shoved me forward to the bus.
I turned to glare at them only to see them both smiling at me, waving as if they were truly waving goodbye to a loved one that was leaving. I was the last in line, but my turn came in a matter of minutes.
The guard looked up at me, clipboard clenched tightly in one hand while he began to tap his pen on the board with the other. “Who might you be sonny?” he asked me.
“Carter.” I simply replied.
He looked down at his board and began to scan the names. He flipped to the next page and said “ahh” as he scratched a line through my name with his pen. “Well, if it ain’t Mr. Backstreet Boy himself Nickolas Gene Carter. What you in
for?”
I shrugged, “Same as everybody else I guess.”
He simply chuckled as he stepped on to the bus. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have an infamous pop star joining our stay, so I want you all to make him feel comfortable, make him feel welcomed… make him feel right at home boys.”
Once he stepped off, I stepped onto the bus, noticing that all eyes were on me. I tried to hold my composure, come off looking intimidating at least to some of these guys, but none of them were buying my bluff. I continued to look for an empty seat, but they were all occupied, and by the looks of things, no one wanted me to sit by them. I made my way all the way towards the back of the bus and just stood there to wait for the bus to roar to life and leave on it’s journey to the prison.
“Pst.” I heard. I turned and looked to see who did that, only to be greeted by a young looking black male, who had waxed eyebrows and a headband around his head. I continued to stare at him, unsure if he was referring to me, but again he did whatever he could to catch my attention, and when he finally did he motioned for me to sit next to him.
I continued to stare at that man as if he was crazy, but I hesitantly made my way over to him to sit next to him. I remained forward in my seat, contemplating whether I should thank him for allowing me to sit next to him. “Thank you.” I finally mumbled.
His eyes trailed my body up and down and all of a sudden I got this uneasy feeling. There was no doubt in my mind that this man was gay, and the last thing I needed was for him to be hitting on me and trying to make passes.
“The name’s Danny.” He finally said, holding his hand out.
I glanced over at him, yep... definitely gay. When he finally spoke to me, a feminine twang shone through. I stared at his outstretched hand for a while but finally shook it. “Nick.”
“What you in for?”
I knew I was going to be hearing that question a lot from people. “Self defense.”
“Self defense?” he repeated. “Did you hurt someone in self defense or something?”
“I killed someone in self defense.”
“Oh,” he muttered, his eyes trailing me up and down again. I shifted in my seat, trying to sit as far as I could from him, and he noticed my sudden movements. “Don’t worry sweetie,” he said. “I may be gay and all, but you’re not exactly my type. I mean, you’re cute and all but I just don’t prefer white chocolate…” I glanced at him. “I don’t take cream with my coffee…” he continued.
I simply nodded and remained staring straight ahead. He continued to stare at me, as if wanting to strike up another conversation, and I really wasn’t in the mood to be talking to anybody. “So, what’s this talk about you being famous?”
“I’m just in the music business.”
“Wow… I never imagined a singer rolling through here nor did I ever imagine sitting next to someone famous for committing a crime like me.” he fell silent for a while. “If anything, I’m still waiting for LL Cool J to go buck wild and crazy and come rolling up in here, mmm boy you just don’t know.”
I felt a chuckle rising within my throat, but I refused to release it. That was the first time since last night that I was able to smile or chuckle, which made me think about the guys. “So, what kind of music do you do?”
“Look, I don’t mean to be rude but I really don’t feel like talking.”
He continued to stare at him, hurt flashing in his eyes. “Okay, I’m sorry Nick.” he mumbled, turning so that he was now gazing out the window.
I remained forward but glanced at him through the corner of my eye. Guilt began to gnaw at my heart, I felt bad for treating him so cruelly when all he was trying to do was hold a conversation, he did let me share a seat with him. “Look…” I began but paused. “I’m sorry, I’m just…” I tried to find the right words to say, but his eyes remained staring out the window. “I guess you could say I’m a pop singer…” I finally replied. “I’m in a band and we do a little fusion of pop, rock and contemporary… love ballads.”
After a while, he finally turned to look me in the eyes. “Are you guys big or just another one of those Myspace bands trying to make it big.”
I finally released a chuckle, I couldn’t suppress it. “I guess you could say that we’re big… we’ve been signed to Jive records since 1993.”
His eyes grew big, “Jive… as in R. Kelly and Petey Pablo Jive records?” I simply nodded. “I can’t believe this!”
I only smiled as my thoughts deepened more about the guys. “So, what you in for?” I asked him, trying to divert the attention away from me.
“Same as you, but it wasn’t out of self defense… I found my boyfriend cheating on me, and I killed both him and his playa…”
I looked over at him and laughed. “This ain’t my first time getting wound up with the law… I’ve been to juvie when I was a teen, went to jail numerous of times, and I’ve been in and out of prison to visit my father, so I guess I’m kind of used to everything. Is this your first time?” I nodded. “Well, don’t worry… it ain’t as bad as people crack it to be.” I began to ponder on his statement; of course he would say that, he wouldn’t mind getting it in the ass. “Just stick with me and the right people and you’ll be fine.”
I smiled at him and looked forward to see us pulling into the heavily guarded prison. My mind began to wander back to the guys, wondering what they were doing. For me, the right people were far away from me… I wasn’t going to be fine.
Chapter 15 by rebellious_one
I sat on the chair, my left leg bouncing up and down, shaking relentlessly as my urge to smoke a cigarette grew stronger. We found ourselves back at Howie’s house with the whole Jive team this time, making rearrangements and heightening our security team, for what purposes I’ll never know. Early this morning Johnny got together with the FBI and demanded for Jeffery’s body to be exhumed. Kevin and Howie was busy talking to Johnny and the rest of the security team while Brian was on the phone, probably with Leighanne. I, was just sitting on one of Howie’s big, comfy chair, wanting to go outside and smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves.
As my eyes continued to scan the room, the urge refused to leave so I eventually gave in. Sighing heavily, I pushed myself up from the chair and left everyone, walking outside of Howie’s house. Once I walked a few feet away, I quickly pulled out my pack of cigarettes and shook a stick out. I placed it to my mouth and began to search for my lighter. I began to pat my pockets and my chest, muttering a curse word when I realized that I didn’t have my lighter on me.
I pulled the cigarette from my mouth and placed it behind my ear, deciding to save it for later for when I found a goddamn lighter or match.
“Looking for a light?”
I turned to the voice that had asked me that question to see a male that looked not that much older than me. He was wearing an FBI uniform and was already puffing on a cigarette. I looked down at the lighter he was holding out to me.
“Thank you.” I muttered as I accepted his lighter. I took the cigarette from behind my ear and placed it in my mouth again to smoke.
“Detective Daniels.” he said as he reached out his hand towards me.
I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag. “Alex.” I replied while I exhaled the smoke. I shook his hand and gave him back his lighter.
“No introduction needed sir… I know a lot about you fellas, maybe more than you know.”
I nodded as I continued to puff on my cigarette. We both fell silent for a while, just continuing to smoke. With one last drag, he finally flicked his cigarette to the ground and stubbed it out with his shoe.
“So, who’d ever thought that Nick Carter would be found guilty of murder?”
“He’s not guilty.” I sharply replied. “They got him locked up for the wrong reason.”
“Hey, I understand how that all goes. I mean, it was only the six of you guys present at the time. It’s just… ironic how the five of you were able to walk away from this alive.”
I shot a glare at him. “Excuse me? Walk away from it alive? I was taken away by paramedics, barely alive because of that man. If it wasn’t for Nick…” I faltered in my words as memories flooded my mind so quickly. “If it wasn’t for Nick, I wouldn’t be alive.”
“I’m just saying man… what are the chances that you guys were able to live through this whole ordeal and leave the bad guy dead? It’s just… un-fucking-believable.”
“Well, I guess that makes us walking testimonies.” I replied as I took another drag of my cigarette.
“Do you…” he started. “Do you remember anything from that night?” I shook my head, of course lying. When he realized that I wasn’t going to say anything, he continued on. “I mean, how can you guys testify on Nick’s behalf if you can’t even remember what happened that night, our witnesses clearly stated…”
“Are you interrogating me?” I interjected, this detective was really beginning to piss me off.
“Me? Interrogating you?” he asked me in a cocky tone. “Of course not, why would I do something like that?”
“Well, because you’re beating around the bush instead of coming out to ask or say what you really want to. I mean, that’s how interrogation works right, beating around the bush to try and get us to say what you want to hear?”
“You boys think you know everything…” he muttered. What in the hell was that supposed to mean? “Nick had the same notion about it all…” I glanced over at him, I don’t remember seeing him at the station, so how could he know about what Nick said or thought? “Maybe you guys should lay back on the movies, fills people’s heads with all this little nonsense.”
“Yeah…” I slurred off.
“But…” he sighed. “Who am I to question you guys? I mean, you guys have been through hell and back, I still can’t get over the stories that I heard at the station. I know if I was in your guys shoes I would just… I would just fucking break. You think that it’s all over, but you realize that you have all these… empty spaces you gotta fill, and it’s only just the beginning for you five.” I glanced over at him and seen this smug look on his face. “Boy, must be hard when everything’s left incomplete…”
I continued to stare at him as he just stared forward, the smug look never leaving his face.
“Detective Daniels.” one of his agents called.
He turned to the voice and then looked back at me. “Well, it was a pleasure chatting with you Alex. See ya around.”
I simply nodded and watched him as he walked away. I took the last drag of my cigarette and flicked it to the ground, how bad I wanted to smoke another one. I began to think back on what he said about us thinking it’s all over but we have these empty spaces to fill… gosh, I fucking hate cops.
Chapter 16 by rebellious_one
“Alright baby, I’ll be sure to call you later… tell Baylee that daddy misses him… okay, I love you too… bye.” I closed my cell phone and shoved it in my pocket. I looked around, seeing that Howie and Kevin were still talking to Johnny and the rest of the team and AJ was nowhere to be found. Right when I was about to make my way over to Kevin and Howie, AJ walked back into the house, quickly making his way over towards me.
“What’s the matter with you?” I asked him, noticing this irritated look on his face.
“Don’t you hate cops?” he asked me instead. I gave him a puzzled look and he continued. “I fucking hate cops…”
“Where is this coming from?”
“I just came to the realization that I fucking hate cops.”
There was something on his mind, you can always tell when something’s on his mind. Any second he will just break and tell me what his problem was, but I didn’t want him doing it there. I know AJ, he doesn’t care if he’s surrounded by cops aiming guns at him, he’ll still state how much he hates them.
I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away from where everyone was. “Okay, spill.” I simply stated.
“Okay, so I was outside smoking a cigarette because you know how I always have to smoke a cigarette when I’m stressed or nervous right?” did I forget to mention that he tends to ramble when something is on his mind? “So, right when I was going to smoke, I realized that I didn’t have a lighter so I decided to save it for when I found one, but this detective came outta nowhere and offered me a light. He started talking about our ordeal, asking me how could we testify on Nick’s behalf if we don’t even remember what happened that night, and he goes on to talk about how we think it’s the end but it’s only just beginning and all this other shit about filling these fucking empty spaces.” He paused, sighing heavily. “I need another cigarette…”
He started to walk away from me, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “What is your point AJ?”
“Don’t you get the feeling like the cops aren’t helping us at all?” I just stared at him. “I mean, I feel like they aren’t here to help us, that this situation is just some sick form of… entertainment to them or something. They can’t even give us a straight explanation for crying out loud. It’s like everything’s a game to them, and I know deep down inside they don’t care.”
I continued to stare at him, not sure if he was serious or if it’s some minor anxiety attack. “I think you’re just paranoid Jay.”
“I’m serious Brian; I know the difference between paranoia and suspicion.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, the cops that you hate agreed to Johnny’s request of exhuming Jeffery’s body.”
“I know that.”
“Well, they don’t get credit for that? Aren’t they helping us in that sense?”
“If they were helping us, then they’d realize that they arrested Nick for the wrong reason. Fuck Brian, Nick’s in prison for the wrong goddamn reason.”
“I know, but sitting here stating how much you hate the people that are helping us right now isn’t going to make the situation any better.”
“Okay Father Brian, are you done?”
“Why?”
“So I can go smoke another cigarette.”
“The last thing we need to deal with is a sick AJ who is diagnosed with lung cancer.”
“The last thing you need to deal with is a erratic AJ who is on the verge of bitching anybody and everybody out.”
“I think I’d rather deal with that.”
“You guys, the body has been exhumed.” Howie informed us. “We gotta go down to the cemetery.”
Both AJ and I turned to look at him, and then glanced at each other. I can’t exactly place my finger on it, but this look crossed AJ’s face, and I knew exactly why. We haven’t been to the cemetery since the incident, not even to visit Aaron’s grave. After all this time running away from the past, AJ had nowhere to go but forward to face it, and in a sense I was right along with him, coming face-to-face with the inner demons we’ve been putting off in battling.
Chapter 17 by rebellious_one
Kevin remained silent, Brian was shaking his head in disappointment, AJ was fuming, and I just stared down at the grave, how could they do this? How could someone be so narrow-minded as to bury Jeffery Donner right next to Aaron. A victim buried next to their killer, does that make sense to you? It doesn’t to us.
“Is this some kind of sick joke?” Kevin questioned no one in particular.
“This isn’t some kind of sick joke Mr. Richardson.” the mortician tried to fight on his behalf. “From Aaron Carter’s grave down is all open space for us to bury bodies, and Jeffery Donner was the most recent death we’ve had so we buried him here, in this open spot.”
Kevin turned to Johnny, as if completely ignoring the mortician’s explanation. “I want this body gone. I want them to remove his body and his tombstone and place it somewhere else, somewhere far away from Aaron’s grave.”
“We can’t do that sir…” the mortician tried to say, but Kevin interrupted him.
“I don’t give a shit what you guys can or can’t do. I want this body out of this grave and I want it moved now. If I have to see someone and pay them to do so, then so be it.”
“Kevin, don’t you think that’s a little extreme?” I asked in a small voice. I didn’t appreciate the fact that Jeffery was buried next to Aaron, but completely moving a body is a bit extreme if you ask me.
“No, burying a killer next to their victim is extreme!” Kevin snapped at me. “I want him gone. I don’t care what the hell you guys do with the body, but I don’t want him buried here next to Aaron. No questions asked.”
I looked over at Brian and AJ, shock clearly written over their faces. I looked over at the grave, a gaping hole beneath Jeffery’s tombstone. His epitaph had his name, date of birth and death, and it said “may you forever rest in peace in God’s kingdom.” I scoffed, did people even know how sadistic this man really was?
“When was the last time we’ve been here?”
Both Brian and I looked over at AJ, who was just staring at the grave, seemingly in a phase. “Nothing’s changed…” he mumbled. “It’s almost as if the grass is still stained with blood, OUR blood. Even though I can’t see it, I know it’s there…” He stopped, his hand went up to his chest, clawing at it. “At times I can still feel the bullet hitting me, and the sound still rings through my ears.” tears began welling up within his eyes. I was beginning to grow concerned by the second, and the look on Brian’s face told me he was growing concerned too. For the first time since the incident, AJ was finally facing the past he had been running from all this time. “I can hear Nick’s words telling me to hold on… I can hear all of you guys telling me to stay awake…” Kevin had returned to us this time, still fuming but relaxing a little when he seen AJ’s awkward behavior for the first time. “I wanted to help you guys… I’m sorry I didn’t do anything.” tears were falling from his eyes now. “I wanted to, I promise… I just… I just couldn’t.” finally, he broke down.
I was the first one to react and embrace him in the tightest hug I could muster. Salty tears began to prickle my eyes, threatening to spill over at any given time. Brian was already in tears, trying so hard to fight it. Kevin had shocked me the most though; although he wasn’t there to hear everything AJ had to say, he was in tears as well.
“AJ, you did more for us than you could ever know.” I whispered. “You pulled through buddy… you came back to us.”
“I don’t want to be here…” he cried. “It hurts too much to remember…”
“But sometimes it’s good.” Kevin whispered this time, coming from behind to show his support. “You can’t run away from the past forever, it only shows that you’re trying to go at this alone. We know how strong you are AJ, but you don’t have to fight this all by yourself to prove your point. I know it hurts to remember, but it hurts even more trying to leave behind something you can’t forget.”
“When will it all be over?”
That caught us all off guard. I wasn’t sure if he was referring to the long term affects of the incident or what’s happening now. “It’ll all be over soon,” Kevin replied. “as soon as we get Nick out.”
AJ shook his head. “It won’t be over then…”
We all had a puzzled look on our face now, all of us except Brian, which made me wonder even more.
“Set in down, easy now.”
We all turned to see the casket being hauled up out of the six foot hole. The crane steadily set the casket down on the ground while the FBI agents and morticians crowded around it. We made a move when they began to pry the casket open. Kevin gently nudged people out of the way and made his way towards the very front. We all began to cough and gasp when the smell of a rotting corpse filled our senses. There in the casket was a badly decomposed body, looking almost as if he had been buried there for more than one year.
“So what now?” Kevin asked no one in particular.
“We take him out and do another autopsy on his body, make sure it’s him.” Johnny responded.
I looked over at Kevin, who just nodded and continued to stare down at the body. I glanced over at Brian, he had his arm wrapped around AJ’s shoulder trying to support him even though he had already composed himself at this point, and AJ was not even staring at Jeffery’s casket, he was staring at Aaron’s grave. I began to pray to God, hoping that this was the body of Jeffery Donner.
Chapter 18 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
Sorry for the delay people, but I am proud to announce that I just graduated!! =) Lol. I know, I'm a dork but that's what the hold-up was for. But now, since I got graduation and school out of the way, I think I should be more focused on my three stories. Thanks for all the reviews that have been coming in, hope you guys are enjoying it so far!! =)
“Alright ladies, welcome home.” one of the prison guards told us. “Ain’t nothing like home, sweet home bitches.”
We were walking off the bus in a single file line, our shackles and handcuffs chained to one another to ensure that none of us would try to escape. I could feel Danny trailing close behind me, trailing too close behind me for my liking, but he already made it clear that he wasn’t interested in me, thank god. I glanced up at the guard and he looked down at me, smiling.
“You’re gonna like it here baby boy.”
I seethed as I passed him. As soon as I stepped off the bus, I was greeted by a billow of dust and dirt, causing me to immediately stop and close my eyes, feeling it begin to prick with salty tears.
“C’mon Nick, you gotta keep going.” Danny urged me from behind.
“What the fuck is with the hold up?” one of the guards bellowed.
As soon as I opened my eyes, I was greeted by a guard with a rifle in hand. He flipped it around and slammed the butt of his rifle into my stomach. I gasped and collapsed to my knees, the butt of his gun dug so deeply into my stomach. I began to cough and wheeze as I tried to breathe in the air that was forced out of me.
“Just because you’re a fucking pop star, doesn’t mean the world revolves around you.” he paused and grabbed me by my hair, yanking my head up. “Especially this world. This is our world now, and you’re nothing but a piece of shit like the rest of them. Now, get the fuck up.”
He began to pull me up by my hair, causing me to yelp out in pain. As soon as I was on my feet, I began feeling a little dizzy and nauseous, the pain in my stomach wouldn’t subside. I was now slowly walking with a small hunch, I knew that if I straightened out at any time, I’d probably hurl everything I had in my stomach from last night out. As soon as we got to the entrance of the prison, they began to unlock our handcuffs and shackles from one another so we were no longer chained to one another.
We were placed into another line where we had to wait to get our new prison uniform and give up all the possessions we had on us now. I dreaded this step, because I knew they had to do a thorough body frisk to make sure I wasn’t armed with any professional or amateur-made weapons. Slowly, one by one, people grabbed their uniform and made their way forward to the next guard to get frisked. I glanced back at Danny, who had this small grin on his face… you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!!
“Next.” the guard bellowed.
I walked forward and grabbed my uniform, looking onward to see how the next process would go. Many of the prisoners were being frisked right on the spot while a few other people were led away from the scene to god knows where.
“I’m looking for a Nickolas Gene Carter.” one of the other guards bellowed.
I looked over to the one who was calling me, as I heard someone else yell “It’s the only pretty, blond bitch in this fucking facility.” which caused everyone to roar in laughter.
I quickly turned to the voice that made that stupid ass remark and launched myself at him. I jumped on him, easily taking him down, and began to beat his face with my bounded hands. From the corner of my eye I could see many of the prisoners gathering around, Danny up front and center smiling. I continued to beat him, not wanting to give him a chance to regain composure and take me down. After what seemed like hours, someone finally hauled me up from the now bloody man, yanking me back and away from the scene.
“That’s going to cost you Carter.” the guard whispered harshly into my ear as he dragged me away from everyone else.
I didn’t even bother to say anything in response. I could only look down at my hands, which were now covered in blood, blood that didn’t belong to me. The guard whirled me around and shoved me into a dark room, quickly closing the door and locking it behind me. I began to grope my way in the room, blindly trying to search for something, anything. Finally, my hands came in contact with something that felt like a… chair. I grabbed at it and began to haul myself up, seating myself in that one chair. I couldn’t see a damn thing, but the warm liquid that was on my hands was beginning to turn cold, glistening a crimson color within the dark.
I jumped a little when I heard the door behind me open, I didn’t even bother to turn to see who was walking into the room. A blinding light blasted through the room all of a sudden, causing me to immediately try to shield away from the harsh rays of light. As soon as I opened my eyes, I seen three men standing before me, two of them were guards of the prison and there were standing alongside a man who was dressed in a tuxedo.
“Nickolas Gene Carter?” the formal man questioned me.
I didn’t reply, I just simply glanced up at him.
“Are you Nickolas Gene Carter?” He asked me again, this time in a soft and soothing tone.
You know who this guy reminded me of? Lou Pearlman. Why? Because Lou had this soft and innocent demeanor to him, he hardly ever rose his voice at us, he’d always talk to us in a way to get us to trust him or whatever. But, behind all that bullshit he was a man of deceit and lies, an evil man that only used the “nice” and “compassionate” tactic to his advantage to gain your trust, and then would turn and stab you in the back, that’s the kind of guy this professional man was, I bet you any money. Anyway, I finally nodded in response.
“Do you know why you’re here?”
“Because I was falsely charged with first degree murder.”
The two guards began to chuckle. The man immediately looked down at my hands, which caused me to try and hide it from him. “Your… bloody hands tell me otherwise.” he finally said. “I’m Larry Smith, and I’m your newly appointed lawyer.”
I looked up at him, a small gleam of hope shimmering in my eyes. Was this the man the fellas found for me? I hope this guy is a damn good lawyer. “Your… you’re my lawyer?”
He smiled and nodded, he resembled Lou in sooo many ways, it was fucking scary. “Yes Nickolas… I’m your lawyer. And I’m gonna do whatever it is I can to try and get you outta here, but first, you gotta learn how to cooperate. I can’t have you…” he looked down at my bloody hands again. “beating up on people and disobeying what the guards or prison in general tells you to do. They are now in control of what you do and how you do it, you must abide by every word they say, for they have absolute authority for whatever actions they take and consequences they have for you, that is out of my realm. All I can help you with is to help you get yourself out of here, and I’m helping you by tell you to cooperate. The faster you learn to do that, the better off you’ll be. Do we have an understanding Mr. Carter?”
“Do I have a choice?” I retorted.
A small grin formed on Larry’s face. “I like your attitude. Keep that up kid, and you’ll be outta here in no time.” He rose from his seat and stretched his hand out to me. “It was a pleasure meeting you Nickolas, I’ll be around to inform you of what’s going on.”
Reluctantly, I grabbed his hand and shook it, “Pleasure’s all mine.”
Just as he began making his way out of the room, I rose from my seat as well and turned to walk out, only to find one of the two guards closing the door behind Larry, locking it.
“Are you guys gonna take the pleasure of your authority and start torturing me?” I asked, receiving no answer except for a sadistic-looking smile.
“Turn around.” one of the guards told me.
My face crinkled in confusion. “Excuse me?”
They didn’t even bother to respond. They simply grabbed me, whirled me around so my back was facing them, and shoved me into the wall. No… fucking… way…
“What the fuck?!” I screamed, trying to push back against them, but they only shoved me harder into the wall.
“Spread your legs.”
“Fuck you!” I spat and ended up screaming in pain. They had slammed something hard in the back of my legs, causing my knees to buckle.
“Spread your fucking legs!” the guard said again, this time, pushing my buckled legs apart.
They pushed me against the wall again to get me to stand straight. While one of them held me up against the wall, the other one began to frisk my body, patting me up and down and between my legs. His hands roamed down my back and over my ass, and he fucking SQUEEZED it.
“Do you know how much these prisoners would KILL for a fucking piece of fresh white meat? Especially a piece that’s worth a shitload?”
All I could see at the moment was fucking red, and no, it wasn’t the red blood on my hands, my vision had completely gone red. I shoved back against the guard that was frisking me and turned around to attack him, only to find the other guard aiming a gun right at my face. I continued to glare at him, almost as if telling him that the gun was no threat. He smirked, understanding the fact that I was trying to come across intimidating. Before I knew it, I felt something slam into the back of my head, immediately causing me to black out.
Chapter 19 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
OMG... a freaking chapter, who would've thought? Lol. Well, here I am... I'M BBBAAACCCKKK... lol, with a new story and a new chapter for this story. Hope you guys enjoy it, reviews are COMPLETELY welcomed. Lol. =P
I began to cough as the smell of rotting corpse quickly filled my senses. The mortician that I was lecturing earlier rolled a gurney out and had ordered a few men to help him take the body out of the casket and place it on the gurney. Carefully, they extracted the body from the broken casket and placed the decomposed, stiff corpse on the gurney. If his body wasn’t so badly decomposed, we could’ve easily identified him just by looking at him.
“How long is this autopsy process going to take?” Johnny questioned.
“A week, give or take.” one of the pathologist replied.
“We really don’t have that much time.” I spoke up. “We’re gonna have Nick detained in prison for the wrong reason for a week?”
“There’s nothing we can do to speed this process up Kevin.” Johnny tried to tell me, but I wasn’t having it.
I walked away from the scene, trying my best to get as far away I could from everybody. Once I was a great distance away from them, I finally turned and stared at Aaron’s grave, actually stared at it long and hard. For some reason, everything was going black, and not pitch black but an evening darkness. I looked up towards the sky when I noticed it turning extremely dark.
When I looked back down at Aaron’s grave, I seen the five of us, on our knees. The man that ruined our lives, now known as Jeffery Donner, had pulled Nick up off the ground, shoving a gun into his possession. I shook my head, trying to get rid of whatever I was seeing, but it wouldn’t go away. After Jeffery struck AJ, Nick had aimed the gun in his direction, ready to pull the trigger. Before you know it, a bullet was released from Jeffery’s chamber, entering AJ’s body. I was actually viewing what happened to us from a different view, and it scared me so much. Even though I stood there before the memory, I could still feel the pain of the bullet entering my leg. All of a sudden a new wave of anger washed through me as I continued to stare at this man, Jeffery Donner, and what he had done to all of us.
“Kevin?”
I snapped out of my trance to find my cousin standing before me.
“Are you okay?” he asked me. “I’ve been calling your name for the past few seconds.”
I just stared at him as if I was having a hard time comprehending what he was saying to me, but my eyes wandered back to the group that was standing near Aaron’s grave. For a moment, it looked to me as if they were crowded around Jeffery’s grave and neglecting Aaron’s resting place. I don’t know why that thought even entered my mind, but it made me even more angrier.
I ignored Brian, completely walking away from him and back towards the group. “I want results by tomorrow.” I stated firmly.
They all looked at my as if I was crazy. “Kevin, these things take time…” Johnny tried, yet again, to explain to me, but this time I interrupted him.
“I know these things take time, but that is something we don’t have. I’ll pay whatever amount of money to have someone, anyone work around the clock to get my some answers by tomorrow.” and with that, I walked away from them.
I could feel Brian’s eyes on me, penetrating the back of my head. Not long after I left them, Brian was trailing close behind me. “What the hell Kevin?” he asked me. “Have you lost your damn mind?”
“No,” I paused for a moment, something Nick had told us clicked in my mind. “I’ve lost more than that.”
Chapter 20 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
Another chapter. =) Sorry these recent chapters have been so short, I'm just kinda bouncing back and forth between the boys.
My eyes began to flutter open, pain immediately coursing it’s way from my eyes to the back of my head. I quickly shut my eyes once again, hoping that it would rid the immense pain I was feeling at the moment, but it only made it worse. For a moment I had forgotten where I was, until I caught glimpse of the bars that imprisoned me in this small confinement. I can’t really remember what happened, what had got me feeling this way, but that’s when it hit me like a Mac truck.
I quickly rose from where I was lying to check myself over, but a new wave of pain washed through me, rendering me motionless for a moment. They say when you receive trauma to the head, your suppose to take things slow, let your body catch up with whatever your mind is trying to register, and I didn’t do that. All of a sudden, I felt vile rising from the pits of my stomach and right into my esophagus. I tried to hold it in, but my body was too weak to do anything, so I just let it all out. Nothing but hot liquids spewed from my mouth, burning my throat and splattering on the ground before me. For some reason my body continued to hack up whatever was in my stomach, which really wasn’t anything and I knew any second I would be dry heaving.
When I was sure I was through with my episode, I crumpled back to the ground and curled up in a fetal position, grasping my stomach in hopes to settle it. I had nothing to wash out the vile taste of my vomit from my mouth.
“Carter.”
With great determination, I uncurled myself from my fetal position and glanced up at the person who called my name. the two guards that did this to me were standing on the other side of the cell, simply grinning at me. I continued to glare at them as I spat out whatever was left In my mouth and used the back of my hand to wipe off the saliva that dribbling down the corner of my mouth.
“You’re lucky we’re feeling rather… nice today, otherwise we’d have you clean that mess up with a fucking straw.”
I looked down at the liquidy mess I had created, the sight of smell of it was making me queasy all over again.
“We’re glad to inform you that you have a bigger and more… descent cell awaiting you.” he said as he pulled out his set of keys and began unlocking the cell door.
I didn’t even have time to compose myself because they simply waltzed in and roughly grabbed me by my arms, yanking me up ever-so-gently (mind you, I meant that in a sarcastic way) from the ground. Although they weren’t gentle, they must be really feeling a little nice today because instead of making me walk out in the state I was in, they balanced me in between them and allowed me to rest most of my weight on them, helping me to walk out.
As we were walking past the other prisoners, I tried my best to compose myself so I wouldn’t come across as some pussy to them. Literally, all eyes were on me as the guards continued to walk my to my new cell. From the corner of my eye I could see Danny with a group of other men and he was smiling at me. I gave a very small and faint grin back, for some odd, fucked up reason, I felt a little more at ease since I saw him (and nooo, not in that way you sick freaks!!)
I let my head fall back down, my gaze solely on the ground, avoiding the stares that were coming my way. “Welcome home Nicky…”
I winced at that name, I always hated that nickname. It irritated me whenever Howie said it, but now, because of these men, I now hate that name with a passion, and I will literally snap at whoever calls me by that nickname ever again, even if it’s Howie.
Slowly, I glanced up at my new cell. “You didn’t think you’d be getting a cell all to yourself because of your status, did you?” the guard on the left said.
No wonder they were being slightly nice to me the whole time. My eyes bulged and my mouth dropped when I seen the cellmate I was paired with. No… fucking… way…
Chapter 21 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
I'm on a roll with updates!! Lol. Well, here again my chapter is short, really and truly sorry about that, but I hope things get a little better and a little more... interesting for you guys. I should be posting another update hopefully soon, REAL SOON. =)
“What are you thinking about?”
I glanced back at Howie, breaking my concentration from counting all the trees we were driving past. “I don’t know yet.”
I turned my gaze back onto counting the trees. I could feel his stare, but he knew better than to press on.
For a moment I glanced over the car to see what everyone else was doing. Kevin was in the passenger seat, probably venting to Big T, one of our new securities who was driving, Brian looked like he was trying to get some sleep, just staring forward while his eyes drooped, and Howie had long broke his stare away from me, now looking out the other window.
My eyes trailed down to my hands, they were fidgeting again. Whenever I was nervous or something was on my mind, my hands normally tend to do that. The reason I say my hands and not me is because my hands truly start doing that. I can be sitting there, thinking all is peachy when all of a sudden I look down to see my hands doing a thing of their own, and I won’t even notice it until I glance down at them. I’d have to call my psychiatrist and set up an appointment as soon as we got back to Howie’s house.
“AJ!”
I looked over at Howie, wondering why he was bellowing my name. “Huh?”
“We’re here.”
I looked out of the window and seen that we were parked outside of Howie’s house; well that was quick. We all filed out of the car and made our way into Howie’s house.
“Um, do we really have to be here?” I voiced out, causing everyone’s eyes to fall on me.
“Why?” Kevin questioned me back.
“I don’t know, I mean… there’s nothing else we can do for the time being, so I thought I’d at least go back to the comforts of my own home. That’s all.”
“Look, I think it’s best if we stick together, in case we…” Kevin trailed off, he was thinking exactly what I was thinking
“In case what Kev?” Brian asked.
“Until we get the results.”
“You don’t think that’s him, do you?”
Again, all eyes fell on me, all I did was ask a simple question.
“AJ, look it’s not…”
“It’s a yes or no question… do you or do you not think that body is him.”
“Yes!” he blurted out. Not really the answer I was looking for. “Yes, I think that body is him, I think that is Jeffery Donner, the one that did all this shit to us and killed Aaron, okay?”
“You don’t have to lie, I don’t think it’s him.” I muttered.
“THAT’S IT!!” he exploded, causing the three of us to jump a little. “I am sick and tired of you AJ, always trying to prove your fucking point! You’re being a fucking immature prick right now and I’m tired of all your fucking bullshit! We have enough to deal with right now, and we really don’t need you to be another fucking problem. So go, for all I fucking care, go home to your fucking comfort zone and stay the fuck there!”
Howie’s mouth was agape, Brian’s eyes were blazing with anger, towards Kevin of course, and I, I just stood there, my mouth hanging partially open. Call me a little bitch for all I care, but I could actually feel tears welling up within my eyes, but I refused to let it go any further, and I refused to let them see me cry. I could tell that they could see the glossiness in my eyes though, because suddenly Kevin’s glare softened, a bit.
“Okay…” I whispered, “I’m gone…” and with that, I left.
Chapter 22 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
My gosh... I haven't updated this story in AGES!! O.O Sorry about that, lol. This is a pewny, short chapter... but I'm working on more updates!!
“What the hell is your problem?” I screamed at Kevin, causing his eyes to fall to the ground.
“I… I didn’t mean to…”
“You didn’t mean to?” I asked him, my anger growing by the second. “What Kevin, you didn’t mean to yell at him? You didn’t mean to tell him to get the fuck out? Well, the way you sounded, I think you meant it.”
“We gotta call him back.” Howie voiced out for the first time since the outburst. “I mean, that’s the way you said you wanted it Kev, to have us all together.”
“I really don’t think he’s gonna want to come back.” I replied, still glaring at Kevin. “You know, I really don’t know what the fuck your problem is, and frankly I really don’t care at this moment, but you’re the one that being a fucking immature prick right now.”
I really didn’t think I could be this mad at a family relative, but my blood was boiling. I finally broke my intense glare away from him and walked out of the room and out of the house, I needed to get away from him and go outside to cool off.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I watched as Brian left the house, not even bothering to stop him because I knew he was fuming. I looked back at Kevin, who was still staring at the ground. Our security team and management had long disappeared, gone on to do whatever they had to do. Kevin finally looked up, looking around to see that no one was around, only he and I. He began walking backwards, and once the back of his legs hit the chair, he collapsed down on it.
Although I was mad at him for doing what he did to AJ, walking out on him wouldn’t make things any better.
“Why don’t you walk out, like everyone else did?” Kevin asked me while he held his head in his hands.
I sighed heavily and sat down on the love seat that was situated across from him. “Do you want me to?”
He didn’t say anything, he just continued to stare at the ground while his head remained in his hands. “Everyone else did.”
“And they had a right to.”
“Well, why don’t you?”
“Because I don’t want to. If I wanted to, I would’ve left you a long time ago because of what you did to my best friend.”
He glanced up at me, head still in his hands. “I’m sorry D., I… I don’t know what’s come over me.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me, but everything’s coming over us. There’s just… so much going on right now, that I really don’t think that any of us are in the right state of mind.”
“But… I yelled at him. And the thing is… I don’t even know why I did. I just…” finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he broke down. He buried his face into his hands and I watched as his tears seeped through the slips of his fingers. “I just want this all to be over.”
I rose from where I was seated and made my way over towards him. I knelt down before him, placing a reassuring hand upon his knee. “I know Kev, we all want this to be over, but you know it all takes time. It’s been a year since it all happened, and a year seems like a long time, but for a situation like ours a year is nothing. We need to stop trying to speed the process up and give it time… give ourselves time to fully heal.”
He didn’t say anything, he just remained silent and continued to sob. After a while he finally began wiping his face with his hands, drying to tears that were falling down his cheeks. “I… I don’t know what to do…” he whispered, sounding much like a lost child.
I gave a faint grin, “Give Jay time to cool off.. I think we all need time to just relax for a moment. Once things settle down, give him a call and we’ll see if we can get him back here.”
I patted him on the knee and rose from where I was knelt down in front of him. I stared at him for a while, he still kept his face within his hands, but his sobs had came to a cease. I smiled at him once last time before making my way out of the room, on my way to find Brian to see if he had calmed down.
Chapter 23 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
Look, it's an update!! I finally have an update for this story, lol. I know people would rather have an update for "Satan's Playground", and I'm still working on that, but I had to get a chapter up for this story. I think I've lost the fans of this story, but it's okay, lol. I hope they'll come back. :P
I was seated on the bench, biting at my nails while my left leg bounced up and down. I heard someone open the front door quietly and had slowly closed it behind them. I didn’t even bother to look up to acknowledge whoever it was, I just kept my glare forward and continued nibbling at my nails.
Whoever it was that decided to join me outside took a seat next to me on the bench. I finally turned to see who it was, Howie’s small grin greeting me.
“What’s he doing?” was all that came out of my mouth, to which I’m surprised I even said anything; I was still fuming.
My reply was a moment of silence. “He’s sitting in the house…”
At that moment, for some odd reason, I just broke. My hard exterior resolved right along with my anger, and I’m not sure why. “Do you think I was a little harsh back there?” I asked Howie.
He turned to look at me, and even though I didn’t turn to look at him in return, I could feel his eyes staring at me. “Harsh? What Kevin did to AJ was harsh… but, he knows that and he feels really bad for what he did.”
“Well he should.” I retaliated, feeling my anger creep up once more, but it left just as quick as rose. “And I… kinda feel bad for snapping at him the way I did.”
“You know, maybe we needed this…”
My eyes snapped up to Howie, automatically giving him an awkward look. He looked at me and chuckled, “What I meant was… maybe we needed this emotional breakdown to occur. So much is happening to all of us right now, and what we’re doing is keeping it all inside and trying to remain strong for everyone else but ourselves.”
I continued to stare at him, what he just said settling deep within the back of my mind. I opened my mouth to say something in reply, but nothing came out. I felt him pat me on the back and when I turned to look at him, I was greeted by his famous warm smile, “When it’s all said and done, in the end you two are still cousins… and we’re all still brothers. We’ve been through so much within the past year and look at far we’ve come, doesn’t that tell you something? It tells me that our brotherhood is too strong to be broken, and we didn’t come this far to let it all go now.”
I quickly looked away from him, trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes. I felt him grasp my shoulder in reassurance before he finally stood up from where we sat. “He’ll be inside…”
I didn’t look back at Howie, I just waited for him to leave. Once I heard the door open and close, I waited for a while longer in silence just to make sure I was alone, and once I realized I was, I turned and looked back into the house through the window to find my older cousin sitting on the chair, holding his head in his hands. I broke my gaze away from him and looked outwards again, letting my eyes linger up to the sky. For the first time in my life, four words escaped from my mouth that should have never came out.
“Where are you God?”
~*~*~*~*~*~
I pushed my door open and walked into my empty house, greeted by nothing but silence and darkness. I wiped furiously at my face to rid myself of the tears that continued to pour down, but when I brought my hands down in front of me, I seen the salty liquid glistening within the darkness. I felt a fresh batch of tears welling up within my eyes, but this time I wasn’t going to stop them from falling nor was I going to wipe them away, I decided to let it cascade freely; I had no one to hide from anymore.
I closed my door and just fell back against it, letting the back of my head hit the hard wood. For the first time, I let it all out, everything that I was keeping in all this time, I let it all go. I began sobbing uncontrollably, my tears and crying wracking my body. I slid down the closed door, raking my hand through my hair and biting my lip in hopes to cease my sobs. I drew my knees up to my chest and had hugged my legs close to me, placing my head down upon my arms. I was feeling so much at that moment, I couldn’t tell if I was angry, sad, depressed, or even happy. I felt so raw and naked, so exposed and vulnerable, and it was the first time in a long time that I’ve ever felt that way; I didn’t know what to do with myself.
I slammed my fists into the ground before I hauled myself up and ventured out into the darkness of my home. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing, all I knew was that I couldn’t stop myself, even if I wanted to. I reached out blindly to whatever was in front of me, which happened to be my entertainment center that was holding all my pictures and awards, and I just pushed it down, watching as everything fell and crashed to the ground. I watched as most of my glass items clattered to the ground and shattered into a million pieces, feeling satisfied that at least something, even though it was inanimate objects, were feeling a shred of what I felt at that moment, just shattered and broken. Whatever didn’t break, I picked it up and hurled it across the room, hoping that it would meet the wall and shatter upon impact. The sound of glass breaking was deafening, but it was satisfying at the same time, and ironically it was enraging me and calming me down all at the same time.
I continued to throw and break whatever I could get my hands onto, not caring that I was tearing my house apart, not caring that I was breaking things that had sentimental meaning, not caring that blood was spewing from my hands, not caring about anything at all. When it came to my coffee table, I swept all the contents off and pushed the wooden table out of my way, wincing when I heard it crash into the wall. Exhausted, I finally stopped my rampage and collapsed to the ground, bringing my bloody hands in front of me. I slammed my fists into the ground again, feeling my two fists hit something else instead of the ground. I looked down and seen that my balled up right hand landed on a book while my balled up left hand landed on a what seemed to be a picture.
I picked up the picture first from the frame I tossed to the ground and broke and turned it around to look at it; it was a picture of me and the four fellas, the very first picture we took, the five of us as the Backstreet Boys. Through my mixed feelings of anger, rage, confusion, and sadness, I felt a little shred of happiness creep up as I continued to stare at the picture. Me and Nick were the babies of the group; Nick being 12-years-old and I being 14-years-old when the group started. I looked at Brian and actually chuckled, I remember when we first met him, Nick, Howie and I actually had to suppress the laughter that wanted to break out upon hearing his strong Kentucky accent, but of course when we fell comfortable with the two cousins, we eventually ended up teasing him about it. I gazed over at Howie next in the picture, the first true best friend I actually had in my young life. Finally my eyes lingered over to Kevin, the person I was scared of and felt intimidated by upon meeting him, but all that soon resolved because he immediately began playing an important role in my life personally. Not only was he the older brother I never had, but he was also the father figure in my life, something I grew up without.
For that moment, upon staring at that picture, my anger and bitterness dissolved into almost nothing, memories of what they’ve done for me and how they’ve always been there for me as the brothers I never had made me want to go back and make everything right, but I couldn’t bring myself around to actually doing it. My heart was telling me that I should go back, my mind was telling me that I should do the right thing when the time is right, and my body was telling me to give myself time to let out everything that I’ve been holding in.
I placed the picture down and wiped the trickling tears away with the back of my hand. I looked down at the book my right hand landed on and picked it up, noticing that it seemed a little burnt and in bent up shape. I opened the book at immediately recognized the handwriting to be that of Nick. As I continued to scan through the book, I realized that it was his journal, but the question was what was Nick’s journal doing in my house? I flipped to what seemed to be his last entry and seen the date November 13th, 2005 written as the heading. Now Nick is a very personal person, and due to the respect that we have for each other we’ve learned to respect each other’s privacy, but his last journal entry caught my interest because it was around the time our accident occurred, so I was curious as to what his entry could possibly be about.
November 13th, 2005
It’s an ordinary Sunday… not much for us to do than to sit here on this god damn bus and wait to arrive at our next destination. Shit, we’ve been to so many places and done so many things, I can’t even remember where we’re making our way to right now! All I know is that AJ is sleeping in my damn bunk, and I’m stuck out here, sitting in this small dining area, looking at the TV, who is in return watching Kevin slowly drift to sleep! I swear… that Kentucky man and his damn old western movies!
Upon reading that I begin to smirk, I could actually hear Nick’s voice reading this to me and I could actually imagine how he would look and sound when it came to talking about Kevin and his damn old western movies.
I can’t help than to chuckle, his head is slowly falling back, and every now and then, he would jerk his head forward, open his eyes and continue watching the movie. But before you know it… his head is lolling back once again! It’s quite funny to tell you the truth… hopefully he’ll just sleep out here so I can take his bunk… that would be great!
Now I literally laughed out loud reading that; a clear, mental image entering my mind of Kevin lounged out on a couch, watching his old western movies while slowly falling asleep, his head falling forward but jerking back up and his eyes opening wide in hopes to keep himself awake to continue watching his movie, but failing as his eyes flutter back shut and his head begins to loll downwards again and this becomes a routine for him.
Why can’t I take AJ’s bunk might you ask? Well… being the nice dumbass I am, I decided to let my brother be apart of our tour! We were looking for opening acts, and so I said, “Hey… why don’t Aaron open for us?” and they agreed! At that time, Aaron wasn’t ready to tour, so he didn’t have a tour bus to travel with, and… you can pretty much figure out the rest of the story! We had to share our tour bus with him, stupid AJ decided to give up his bunk for God knows why, and he was supposed to take the sofa out here in the living room… but nooo… he decided to take my bunk instead.
My eyes widened upon reading this part, it was then that I realized that Nick wrote this entry the night of our accident, and he must’ve wrote this last entry minutes before we crashed.
Anyway… why the hell am I swearing so much? It’s not like I’m mad at the fact… sure, I’m irritated, maybe even agitated, but I’m not angry! Well… I’m getting tired now… I’m gonna hurry my ass up and jump into Kevin’s bunk before he awakes… *hehe*…
Oh god, the memories of that night was flooding back into my mind, hitting me full force. I tried to fight the memories, but no matter how hard I tried, the memories of that night forced it’s way back into my mind. I remember feeling something hit me, waking me a little and causing me to swear out at whoever through something at me. I remember waking up when I felt the bus jerk, looking down to see Nick on the ground in a daze, blood pouring from a small gash in his head. I remember Kevin walking in and I had asked him what happened, he explained to both Nick and I that someone was trying to run us off the road. I remember going towards the back of the bus to the bathroom to get a washcloth for Nick to clean up the blood on his head. I gasped, I remember the crash happening and the immense pain that coursed through my body. Nothing but blackness and silence surrounded me for the longest time, but my next memory startled me the most, actually caused my heart to stop beating for a moment…
“AJ…” I remember a voice calling out weakly to me
. “Aaron?"
Chapter 24 by rebellious_one
No… fucking... way…
“Yes fucking way.” the guard on my left replied. I was too much in shock, I didn’t even realize that I said that out loud. “After that little stunt that was pulled today, we thought we’d be nice and pair you two sweethearts together. Don’t worry, you both will become the best of friends I’m sure.”
As they continued to walk me into my new cell, the guy I had beat down earlier (the one I jumped for calling me a pretty, blond bitch) had turned around to address me. His eyes were as cold as ice, piercing it’s way into the depths of my soul and freezing the very core of me.
“You two play nice now.” the other guard cackled as they made their way out of the cell and had closed and locked the door.
I continued to stare at the man before me as he refused to let up the death glare he had on me. I finally broke my stare and started to make my way over to the cots that were against the walls, placed across from each other.
“I think you owe me an apology.” his voice boomed.
I scoffed, he was the one that fucking started it and he wants to hear an apology come from me?! I had to stand my ground, I couldn’t back down because then I would make myself an easy target. “I don’t owe you shit…”
Before I could do anything, I was whirled around and pinned up against the wall; a large hand clamping firmly around my throat, cutting off my air supply with the vice grip he had on me.
“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are…” he seethed, “but in here, you’re nothing. The fact that you’re a money making Backstreet bitch doesn’t exist in here… you’re just another fuck-up that’s locked up, fresh bait for the taking for those who love new asses like yours.”
All the while, I was slipping in and out of consciousness again, his grip getting tighter and tighter around my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt my skin turning flushed.
“Get your… fucking hands… off of me.” I managed to wheeze out.
Just when I thought he would never let up, he finally did and released the grip he had on my throat roughly. Immediately I began to cough relentlessly, greedily gasping in as much air as my lungs could take.
“Unless you’re spoken to or want to finally apologize, don’t say shit to me.” the man seethed before he collapsed down on his cot.
Gingerly, I began to rub at my sore throat, trying to will away the dull throb I felt still constricting my neck. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem…” I fired back as I made my way over to my cot, which was directly across from his. “but just know that I ain’t apologizing for shit, so you won’t be hearing from me until I leave this shithole.”
“You seriously think you’re gonna leave this shithole?!” the man cackled.
“I thought we made it clear that we weren’t to say shit to each other?” I replied.
He continued to stare at me, and I swear if his eyes were made of fire, he would’ve burned a hole right through my back.
“They’re gonna let you out early, huh?”
I rolled my eyes, not turning around the address him “Have you ever heard of an appeal?”
“You’re no different from any of these screw-ups locked up in this joint… but of course, things will work in your favor because you’re sitting on a fucking plateau of money which everyone wants a piece of… and you’re capable of giving them what they need.”
I finally built up enough courage to turn around and face the man who hated my guts and could probably kill me if he wanted to. “You don’t know shit about me.”
“Then why don’t you tell me how the fuck you were able to get an appeal? You must’ve slipped cash to somebody in this fucked up place.”
“Like I said, you don’t know shit about me.” I seethed.
“You enjoy giving your money away like that? The people out there are nothing but fucking leeches, ready and willing to take green paper whenever it’s flaunted in their face, why don’t you be a fucking man and just serve your time?”
“I didn’t pay anyone for a fucking appeal!” I exploded, causing him, for once, to fall silent and just stare at me. “I thought we made it clear that we weren’t gonna say shit to each other, but since you’re so persistent in finding out how the fuck I got an appeal, I’ll tell you. I didn’t pay anyone off to get me an appeal, I’ve always had one dated since I stepped into this prison. Of course it’s gonna take money to get me out, but that’s bail money… I ain’t paying anyone shit to do anything for me. But, what does it matter to you? It’s none of your concern anyway. You probably ain’t got an appeal because what you did was more than likely way more fucked up than what I “supposedly” did.”
As soon as I finished my sentence, the man shot up from where he sat on his cot, pointing an accusing finger at me. “You don’t know shit about ME!” he fired back. “You have no goddamn right to fucking judge what I did, because I’ll tell you right now I had every damn reason to do what I did and I don’t regret one fucking second of it. And as for the appeal, ain’t no one in this joint ever got an appeal… ever.”
What he just said caused me to fall silent, but instead of glaring him down, my expression contorted into confusion. “Half of the people in here don’t even know what the hell an “appeal” is let alone ever heard or saw the word; even the falsely accused never had an appeal. Somehow, the prison finds a way to twist all our crimes around so we’ll all be sentenced to death… some take longer of course, but during that span of time the prison uses it find things to exaggerate evidence or just make up new crimes to tag on them and make it seem like everyone locked up here are pure masochists. Our stories are forgotten, you become a nobody that soon everyone loves to hate and they want nothing more than you dead. No appeals, just a sentence… a death sentence. What a fucked up justice system we have here, don’t we?”
Now that left me in complete and utter shock. The justice system of this prison was rigged, and everyone that stepped foot into this prison was condemned to death, even the innocent. “Haven’t you tried telling somebody, anybody about this?”
He chuckled in reply, “No one would believe anything we have to say… they would think we were just making this up just to get out. Besides, visitors are forbidden here, they won’t allow it.”
None of this was making sense to me, someone would have surely caught on to what this prison was really doing to it’s inmates. “None of this is making sense…”
“None of it has to make sense, at least not to you. No one gets out of here alive… no one. You’ll be the first and only to receive an appeal and get their release… and while you walk out right into freedom, we’re all left here to be killed.”
I began to shake my head, “No… they can’t do that, that’s not fair!”
“They can and they will.” he looked up to me and I was shocked to see that his anger, his toughness resolved into nothing and was replaced by fear and sadness. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you kid, life is never fair."
Chapter 25 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
Wow... it's an update!! :D I had worked on a bunch of updates this week cause I owed it to my dear friend Sel, but it was all wiped away thanks to my stupid computer, and I had to start all over again. :( So here I am, with my first update in... I don't know how long. But, hope ya'll enjoy, there'll be more updates from me soon for my other stories as well. Happy New Year everybody!!!
I heard the sound of the door opening and closing, and glanced up to see my cousin walk in, obviously calmer than he was earlier. His eyes were a bit red, as if he was sitting outside and crying, but other than that he seemed really calm. I buried my face back in my hands, still ashamed to face him.
There was nothing but silence for the longest, until I felt someone sit down right beside me. I didn’t even need to look up to see who it was, I knew it was him.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, not bothering to look up from my hands.
Again, I was greeted by more silence. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” finally came a response. “But I’m um… I am sorry for calling you an immature prick.”
I shook my head, “Don’t be… I deserved it, because that’s what I am.”
“C’mon Kevin, don’t do this… you know we both tend to say things we don’t mean when we’re caught in the heat of the moment. I didn’t mean what I said, just like you didn’t mean what you said to AJ. Just accept the apology man.”
I nodded, finally looking up at him, allowing him to see the tears that were threatening to pour from my eyes. “I accept. Are you gonna accept my apology?”
“Like I said, I ain’t the one you should be apologizing to…”
“No, I owe not only AJ an apology, but both you and Howie… my actions not only affected him, but both of you as well, and for that I am sorry… just accept it.”
Brian looked over at me and smiled, causing me to smile back. “I forgive you Kev.”
I placed a reassuring hand upon his knee, grasping it lightly as I continued to stare at him, grinning all the while, glad that I was one step closer to getting things back to the way it needs to be.
I pushed myself up from where I sat and made my way towards the door, fishing my car keys out of my pocket.
“Where you going?” Brian asked confused, he remained in his seat.
I glanced back at him as I opened the door, “I’m gonna bring AJ home.” and with that, I walked out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I pulled up to his house, parking right behind his SUV. I slowly got out, all the while staring at the dark house in front of me. A sickening anticipation grew with every step I took towards the house; what would I say to him? Sorry for being an asshole? Sorry for calling you an immature prick? I didn’t even give my mind time to think up something to say because the next thing I know, I’m standing in front of his door, preparing to knock.
I took a deep breath in and began to tap my knuckles on the wooden door, falling silent to wait for an answer. When I didn’t hear anything, I continued to knock. “Alex…” I called out, hoping that would get him to open the door, but again there was nothing.
A sense of sadness and concern rushed through me, was he not answering because he didn’t want to face me yet or because something happened to him? Whatever the case was, I just knew that I had to get in there. I reached out for the doorknob, about to jiggle it, but as soon as I turned it the door popped open. Slowly, I pushed the door further open, greeted by darkness.
“Alex?” I called out again, looking down at the ray of light that was peering into the house from behind me. The light revealed to me shards of glass that littered the floor, along with scattered papers and broken objects.
I quickly walked into the house, worried that something may have happened, and if something did happen to him, it would be all my fault. My heart dropped when I noticed bloody hand prints on his wooden floor.
“Alex!” I nearly shouted this time. I continued walking through the darkness, blindly searching for him. Worst case scenarios began flying in and out of my head. Was he knocked unconscious? What if I found him dead? Is he even here?
I whirled around when I heard whimpering coming from behind me. I stared off hardly into the darkness, seeing a dark silhouette curled up on the floor. I quickly made my way towards the figure on the ground, “Alex, are you okay?”
I didn’t get a reply, he just continued his soft sobs. “I’m sorry.” he finally whispered.
Hearing him say that made my heart break. I came over here to find him, to bring him home, to let him know that I didn’t mean one word that I said and that I was sorry, but here he was, apologizing to me.
“Hey.” I whispered back, trying to look at him through the darkness. “What are you saying sorry for? You have nothing to apologize about…”
More sobs were released from him, “I couldn’t do it… I didn’t want to remember.”
My brows contorted in confusion, what was he talking about? “You couldn’t do what?”
“I’m just not as strong as you all thought I was…” he slurred out.
Not only was I plain out confused, but I was concerned as well. “What are you talking about?”
He didn’t answer me this time, just continued to sob. I reached out blindly over to the lamp that was on his end table and switched it on, gasping at the sight that was before me.
“I’m sorry.” he cried out, tears cascading freely down his face.
Dried blood was caked on his hands, but it was what was in his hands that caused me to gasp. His eyes were bloodshot and watery, and he was holding an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
“Alex…” I started, shaking my head. “Please tell me you didn’t…”
“I said I was sorry!” he snapped, raising up against the wall and allowing the empty bottle to fall from his hand. “I told you that I couldn’t fucking do it… that I wasn’t as strong as you all thought I fucking was!”
At that moment, I felt tears pricking my own eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re not strong enough… you were able to hold it off all this time.”
He began shaking his head, “But not this time Kevin… I didn’t want to remember. Call me a fucking coward, say I’m dead to you again… because this time you’ll be right about every single fucking thing you say.”
I felt the tears trickling down my cheeks now, it hurt me to see him falling apart all over again right before me, and I felt there was nothing I could do this time. “What didn’t you want to remember?” I asked him after a long moment of silence.
He began shaking his head again vigorously, “I don’t want to remember it Kev… please don’t make me remember it.”
“I won’t.” I whispered to him, completely at a loss at what to do. “But you didn’t have to do this…”
Before I could react, he grabbed the empty Jack Daniels bottle that was still near his hand and threw it at the wall. I jumped when I heard the bottle hit the wall and shatter.
“That’s my life Kevin!” he screamed at me, no longer slurring. “Shattered and broken… I don’t know what I’m doing anymore… but that’s just it Kevin… I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t.”
He buried his face in his hands, and all I could do was sit there and watch the tears seep through his fingers. I didn’t bother to wipe away the drops of salty water that stained my cheeks, nor did I do anything to stop it from falling.
All of a sudden he snapped up from the ground, faltering as he tried to compose himself. I stood up as well, standing before him. “Say it Kevin.” he shouted, giving me a hard shove. I stumbled a bit, but held my ground, not saying anything, not backing down. “Tell me I’m weak, tell me that I’m nothing but a fucking coward… tell me that I’m dead to you and that you hate me.”
I didn’t say anything; just continued to stare at the broken man before me, hoping he could read my tears. He shoved me again, “Tell me that I’m nothing to you… tell me that I don’t deserve to be here…” he began to bawl at my silence. “Tell me something Kevin.”
His knees buckled, but before he was able to collapse to the ground, I caught him within my arms, slowly lowering both he and I to the ground. I kept my arms wrapped firmly around his smaller form, allowing him to cry on my shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay.” I whispered to him.
“NO!” he bellowed, trying to pull out from my arms. He began pounding his fists into my chest, trying to shove me away, trying to do whatever he could to get me to release him. “Don’t tell me that… don’t tell me it’s gonna be okay Kevin.” he cried. “I’m not okay.”
The more he tried to escape my grasp, the tighter I held onto him. This wasn’t him talking, this wasn’t Alex. He continued fighting against me, but I refused to let him go, I left him the first time, but this time I wasn’t going anywhere. When he realized this, he fell limp within my arms, continuing to sob relentlessly.
We stayed there for the longest, nothing was said, just the sounds of our weeping was all that was heard. He finally pulled away from me, staring at me with his dark eyes, tears glistening within them. “Look at me.” he whispered, holding out his bloodstained hands in front of him. “I’m broken and I can’t be fixed… not this time Kevin.”
Chapter 26 by rebellious_one
He didn’t say anything, and I didn’t know how much longer I could take the silence. Through my hazy mind I could see him sitting there, just staring at me, silently admitting defeat.
“This is all my fault.” his voice broke the deafening silence. I glanced up at him to find unshed tears wallowing in his eyes. “If I hadn’t yelled at you, you would have still been at the house with us… none of this would have happened. I caused you to run away, I caused…” he paused, looking around at the damage I had caused. “all of this.” he finished off.
“Kevin…” I whispered, feeling my mind and body begin to sober up from all that was happening. “This… all of this, is not your fault. I caused all of this to happen… I didn’t have to run away as soon as you yelled at me, but I chose to. I didn’t have to destroy everything that was around me, but I chose to. I didn’t have to sit here and try to drink my problems away, but I chose to. I chose to do all these things because I’m weak Kevin.”
He began shaking his head at my response, “You’re not weak AJ… you are honestly the strongest person I know. How can you sit here and tell me you’re weak when… look at all that you’ve been through?”
I felt anger rising up within me again, my mind didn’t want to hear excuses, or the truth for that matter. “Stop it… just stop it already. If I was so strong, I wouldn’t have chose to do what I did… if I was so strong, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to break… but I did. Nothing can possibly hurt me anymore if I’m broken… I’m tired of bringing myself back up only to be taken down.”
Kevin just stared at me, stared at me as if he didn’t know me, as if I was a complete stranger that hurt him and was now seeking for an apology. I should of expected it though, because he doesn’t know me anymore… I don’t even know who I am right now. “I don’t want to hurt anymore Kevin…” I whispered, breaking down right after I got those words out.
I felt a pair of strong arms embrace me, holding me tight as if that was all that was holding me together… this time, I didn’t fight back. I just allowed myself to cry on his chest.
“I’m not gonna let anything hurt you anymore.” I heard him whisper as he tightened his grasp around me. “I swear on my life Alex… everything is gonna be okay. I‘m not gonna let anything else happen to you, or to Brian, Howie and Nick for that matter. I‘m gonna end this.”
I knew that tone of voice… he sounded so strong and confident, that is the way he wanted to come across so he could reassure you, make you believe his words. But if you listen carefully, under those layers of strength in his voice, you can hear uncertainty wavering. As I glanced up from his chest I could see his face through my blurry vision. His face was hard and stern, his lips pursed into a thin line. His emerald eyes were blazing with fire, his look dark and… determined.
I let my head fall back onto his chest and had wrapped my arms around his torso, holding on tight to him, as if he was going to leave me and I never wanted to let him go. That look of determination scared me… a part of me wants to believe that everything will be okay, that Kevin will protect us and put an end to everything that was happening… the other part of me didn’t care what happened anymore, because I didn’t want Kevin to be the one, the only one to protect us, to be the one to end everything. He’s now on a mission, and he’s not gonna stop… there’s no way in hell I’m gonna lose Kevin, not like this.
Chapter 27 by rebellious_one
It’s officially my first night in prison, and I’m already pulling my hair out and climbing the walls. Me and Big Blue (I didn’t know his name and he just seemed to match that “prison” name) avoided crossing each other’s paths at all costs. Sure, since we talked it made things a little… easier, but we haven’t said anything to each other since. Speaking of the big guy, he’s gone as of right now… has been for a while. Not sure what happened to him, just remember lying in my cot and rising up to see the those two jackass guards come to take him away. But that was earlier this afternoon; night has fallen and he hasn’t returned yet.
I tossed onto my right side on the cot, I don’t know what the hell I was doing thinking about him when I should be thinking about how the hell I’m gonna get myself to sleep. It was hard though, hearing voices screaming out from the different cells and the sound of the guard’s boot clonking on the hard floor. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping I could shun out the noise somehow, but it seemed to be growing stronger, drowning out everything else inside my head.
Just when I felt myself begin to drift off into a fitful slumber, I was jarred awake by the sharp noise of jingling keys and clanging metal. I refused to turn around to see what the ruckus was about, instead I pushed my head further into the flat, stale pillow and had kept my back facing our cell door.
“Keep it up… the next time you could be baby boy’s accidental death.” I heard the guard whisper.
The door was opened and heavy feet shuffled around right inside. Everything remained quiet, except for the sound of the cell door closing and the keys locking it up again. I didn’t turn around just yet, I was waiting for the guards to go away. Once everything fell silent again, I finally rose from my cot and slowly turned to find Big Blue sitting down on the edge of his cot, head in hands.
I stared at him, looking him over through the darkness. It’s funny, this was the same man I jumped earlier for his rude comment, the same man that had me in a chokehold because I refused to apologize, yet I was concerned for him. It could’ve been for the conversation we had earlier (about this prison killing all it’s inmates and whatnot) and I felt a sense of guilt knowing that I’d be able to walk out of here alive, leaving behind a whole bunch of innocent people who will be killed.
“What happened?” I finally broke the silence with a whisper.
“I thought I told you not to talk to me unless it was to apologize” came his gruff reply, never lifting his head up from his hands.
“That didn’t stop you.” I fired back. I waited anxiously for him to do something to me for my smart remark; to get up and yell at me, to get in my face, hell to even pin me up against the wall by my throat again, but none of that came. He remained where he sat, still holding his head in his hands, refusing to even look up.
“Why does it even matter to you what the hell happened to me?”
I shrugged, “Because I heard that asshole say baby boy, and I know he was talking about me.”
A slight sinister chuckle was released from him. “Of course… everything is always about you huh?” What the hell did he mean by that? “You don’t even fucking care.”
“If I didn’t fucking care, I wouldn’t have asked you what happened.”
You know, for a big guy, he’s really quick. As soon as I ended my sentence, he was up and off the cot and in my face before I could even breathe.
“You don’t fucking care.” he seethed. “You only care about you… you asked me what happened because the guard said baby boy… and I guess that’s his nickname for you. So cut the bullshit kid, you only asked what happened because that fucking guard mentioned a pet name he has for you.”
I was taken aback, not because of the way he approached me, but because of the fact that I could finally see his appearance within the dim light. His bottom lip was bust open, blood oozing out the crack and a trail dried blood dribbling down his hairy chin. His left eye was purple and bloodshot while his right eye was swollen beyond recognition. His cheeks were enflamed, making him appear as if he was a chipmunk storing food in his mouth.
“Why did they do that to you?” I asked in a whisper, not being able to tear my eyes away from his brutalized face.
He let out an exasperated sigh and turn his back on me, walking away. “Fuck kid, please cut the bullshit and stop acting like you care.”
“Why won’t you answer the questions?” I blurted out, letting my anger override my concern. “Do you want that apology, cause if so I’ll give it to you right now. I’m fucking sorry for what I did… okay?”
He stared at me long and hard through the darkness. “I don’t accept it… cause I know it doesn’t mean shit.”
I chuckled manically, “Okay… you know what? Fuck it. If you wanna sit here wasting your time saying how much I don’t care and how my apology doesn’t mean shit, go right ahead, cause right now I don’t fucking care anymore.” and with that I had turned my back on him and had laid back down on my cot.
Everything fell silent once again, and for a moment I thought Big Blue was gone again. The heavy sigh that was emitted minutes later reminded me that I wasn’t alone.
“I wouldn’t fucking tell them.”
His voice was so soft this time around, almost barely audible. I didn’t rise from my cot, I just stayed where I was, my back still facing him. I knew he would continue his story, whether I turned around to face him or not.
“They knew I told you something… don’t know how the hell they did, but they knew. What they didn’t know exactly was what I told you… and I wouldn’t tell them what they wanted to know. They started to… they thought that they could get answers from me, but I remained silent and I took all that they dished out. They want to know what was said to you, they want to know how much you know… and they won’t stop at anything to get their answers. Once they find out, they’re going to kill you and charge me with murder… the cause of your death.”
My heart stopped beating, literally. The words of the guard came to mind, of him saying that Big Blue would be the cause of my “accidental” death. I rose from my cot once again and turned to face him, finding him to be seated on his cot right across from me, head in hands.
“So I’m telling you right now kid… you don’t know anything. I don’t know what they’ll do to you, but whatever they do you don’t budge, you stand your ground, you hear me?”
I briskly nodded, feeling my heart start to beat once again, but it was painful, it was pounding too hard and too loud within my chest. We both sat there in the darkness for a while, my eyes staring at him while he refused to lift his head from his hand, his eyes boring into the ground.
“Why?” I whispered, finally breaking the heavy silence that surrounded us.
He lifted his head from his hands to look at me, his eyes answering my question with another question.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“You wanted to know, didn’t you?”
I nodded, but that wasn’t the answer I was looking for. “I mean… you told me what to do, to protect myself… and you refused to tell them what they wanted to know and took a beating… for me. Why?”
I heard him chuckle, but it wasn’t sadistic or maniacal. “You always think everything’s about you kid.” I fell silent, waiting for him to explode at me again, but none of that came. “Without them knowing, we’d both be better off…” he said as he laid down on his cot.
I soon followed suit, sighing heavily when my back met the harsh stiffness of the cot.
“and because I’m not a monster people paint me out to be.” he finished after a brief moment of silence.
I glanced at him and noticed that he was laying on his back too, just staring up at the ceiling of our cell. Everything had fallen quiet once again, and I know I wanted it quiet so I could sleep earlier, but now the silence was killing me, it was too quiet for my liking, and I just couldn’t sleep now.
“Blake.”
I slightly jumped at hearing his low voice all of a sudden, thankfully ridding me of the quietness. “What?”
“The names Blake.”
Well, at least I didn’t have to refer to him as Big Blue anymore. “Nick.”
“Think I’ll stick with kid…”
I smirked.
Chapter 28 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
Man, I don't know what took me sooo long in posting this, but here it is. Sorry it took decades to do so, lol. I need to step it up with posting my updates because I'm losing my readers by leaving my stories unfinished and not updating it regularly. I won't be working for two weeks (cause of spring break) so my time will be here, working and posting updates. :) For those who have struck with my dumbass, thanks for being patient and encouraging. Sel, this is for you hun!! :)
I glanced up when I heard someone coming through the door, seeing Kevin supporting what seemed to be a very exhausted AJ. Both of their eyes were puffy and red, indicating that they were crying, but what I didn’t get was why Kevin was holding AJ up, was he hurt or something?
I quickly rose from my seat and made my way over to them, “What happened? AJ, are you okay?”
Kevin quickly answered for him, “He’s fine, where’s Howie?”
I found it extremely odd for Kevin to be answering for AJ, but I just pushed it aside. “He stepped outside for a while, he’s talking to his mom on the phone.” The more I stared at AJ, the more I began to realize that he looked a lot like he did when he returned to his hotel room after a late night of partying years ago.
“What do you want to do?” Kevin whispered to AJ.
AJ, looking tired and weak, replied softly, “I just want to go to sleep Kev…”
Kevin nodded and continued walking AJ further into the house, heading him right into one of Howie’s guests rooms. There was so much questions running through my head at that moment, and most of them would remain unanswered, or at least for now.
Howie walked back into his house, shoving his cell phone into his pocket. “Who just came in?”
“Kevin and AJ.” I replied, glancing back at him, but fixating my gaze back onto the room both Kevin and AJ disappeared into.
Howie walked up from behind, following my line of sight. “What happened?”
I sighed heavily and shrugged, “I’m not sure, Kevin wouldn’t tell me anything. They both walked in, looking like they were crying and AJ looked…” I paused, wondering if I should tell him how AJ appeared to me. “he looked sick or something.”
“Is he alright?” he questioned again, making a start towards the room I was staring at.
I quickly placed my hand on his shoulder, stopping him before he could proceed any further. “He’s fine.”
Howie just stared at me, but didn’t say anything more; he knew better than to press on. We both stood there in silence and anticipation, wondering if Kevin would even emerge from the room. After what seemed like hours, Kevin finally came out, looking weary and exhausted.
We both just stared at him, probably looking like little lost kids. He walked up to us and remained silent. Finally, he relieved a heavy sigh and wiped his hand over his face, which looked like it aged about twenty years. “He started… again.”
I could only turn and look away in disbelief, my suspicions proven correct. Howie, on the other hand, glanced between Kevin and I, looking confused as ever. “What are you talking about? What happened?”
Kevin took a deep breath in, looking hesitant to relay us the story, but did so anyway. “I went to his house and found him in the dark. Everything was destroyed and I had found bloody handprints on the floor and wall, but I… he was huddled in the corner of his house, bawling and just apologizing to me. I was confused at first, but when I turned on the lights, I found out the reason he was apologizing to me. He was heavily drunk, a half empty bottle of Jacks still in hand.”
This couldn’t be happening. I glanced over at Howie, who stood there with his mouth agape and a look of disbelief. Kevin continued, “I tried talking to him, asking him why he felt as if alcohol was his last resort, but of course he wasn’t hearing any of it. All he did was sit there and tell me how weak he was, and apologize for not being stronger. Then he started yelling at me, telling me to tell him that he was nothing, that he was dead to me… to tell him that he didn’t deserve to be here. He went on to say that he was broken and shattered… and there’s no way he could be fixed, not this time.”
After Kevin was done, we just all remained in silence, staring at each other, as if waiting for one of us to come up with an answer, but nothing was said. “So, what do we do now?” I finally asked. “Is it best if we set him up with AA meetings again?”
“I don’t know.” Kevin sighed. “He’s still seeing his shrink, so maybe we could advise his psychiatrist what’s going on and convince AJ to go and see him more often.”
“Until then?” Howie asked, leaving the statement open for Kevin to finish it.
“Until then… we keep an eye out on him. Make sure that he doesn’t gain access to any drug or alcohol substance.”
I hadn’t said anything for the longest, still having a hard time digesting the fact that AJ had given it all up, thrown everything he worked so hard for away in a heartbeat because he felt like he wasn’t strong enough.
Kevin had turned and began walking away from us. “Where are you going?” I asked.
“I’m gonna go call his shrink, let him know what happened and set him up for an appointment.”
“You don’t think we would be moving a little too fast for him? He might take it the wrong way if we do this behind his back and he’ll just shut us out all at once.” Howie voiced.
“Well, I don’t know then!” Kevin exclaimed, taking both Howie and I aback. “I don’t know what to do anymore Howard…” he continued on. I winced upon hearing him use Howie’s full name. I glanced over at Howie, he didn’t like hearing Kevin say his full name either. “I’m trying my best here to keep everything on an even keel, and it seems like no matter what I do it’s never enough!” he collapsed down on the seat, burying his head in his hands. “I’m always hurting someone or making the situation worse than it already is.”
I quickly made my way over towards Kevin, kneeling down before him. “You think what’s going on with AJ is your fault, don’t you?”
Kevin refused to look up at me, he just kept his head in his hands. “If I hadn’t yelled at him Brian… and told him to just leave… none of this would’ve…”
“No Kevin,” I interjected. “this was bound to happen one way or another. If you’re at fault, then we all are because we chose to ignore the signs. I’m sure we all had a feeling that AJ would travel down this road yet again sometime soon because of what we’re all going through. Ever since…” I paused, trying to think of what I was trying to say. “that accident has changed us all, and sadly it wasn’t for the better. We all chose to ignore the fact that Alex wasn’t alive in AJ anymore… his old ways had resurfaced, where he chose to always run away from everything, where his guards were at an all time high and his insecurities were extremely low, leaving him vulnerable to anything and everything. We went on thinking that as long as he saw his shrink, everything would be okay, he would be okay. We were forcing him to face the past for crying out loud, something he wasn’t ready to do, but something we thought would be best for him. So, if you’re gonna take the blame for this, then we all should too. We’re just all realizing for the first time that this is something we saw coming… but didn’t do anything to stop it. But you know what, I’m glad that it’s happening now, because it’s making us realize something we’ve been keeping ourselves blind to this whole time. But we can’t dwell in the past or what could’ve happened… we have each other, and all we have is right now, this moment… and we gotta grasp it while we still can. We all make mistakes… but it’s never too late to learn and change from it.”
Kevin glanced up at me, unshed tears wallowing within his eyes. I could only smile at him and had grabbed him in a hug, letting him cry on my shoulder. “Don’t ever for a second think that this is all your fault… you came back to us to help close what we’re all going through, you’ve been so strong for all of us, but even Superman needs a break.” I heard him chuckle. “This is not our fault, this is not God’s fault, and I’m beginning to realize that it’s not even Jeffery’s fault.” I felt him tense within my arms, feeling the loathe and hatred he had for that man radiate off him. “This is simply an obstacle we must overcome. It’s an obstacle I never want to face ever again in my life, and it’s something I never want to wish upon anybody, but going through this has…” I paused for a long moment. “I’ve never felt so real in my life Kevin. Just because we’re the Backstreet Boys, doesn’t mean we’re untouchable or unstoppable… but it has helped me to discover that no matter what happens to us, we’re unbreakable. Our faith, our spirit, our will… our souls will never be broken. We’re only human Kevin…” I made sure to look him in the eyes before I finished off, “life does happen to us.”
Chapter 29 by rebellious_one
I walked into the room quietly, first aid kit in hand. I could see his dark silouhette in the middle of the bed, still sleeping. Sighing heavily, I made my way over to the bed and had situated the kit down on the small bedside table. Kevin wanted to come back in the room to clean AJ’s hands, but I ushered him to bed and told him that I would take care of it instead, you could tell he was drained from today’s events.
I clicked on the the small lamp that was on the table and fixed it so the light was shining down on AJ’s hands. I glanced up at him and just studied his sleeping features; at that moment he looked so raw and real, like the little Alex I’ve known him to be. Seeing him like this made it even harder to believe that he even glanced at a bottle of Jack Daniels, which made it all the more real that deep within him, he was silently battling with his inner demons.
Shrugging the thoughts out of my head, I grasped his left hand and studied it under the light; the flesh was tainted with a dark crimson red, but underneath it all his hands were purple and extremely swollen. I took a closer inspecting and noticed that there were shards of glass that were imbedded into his skin, but nothing that couldn’t be removed.
Taking a deep breath in, I placed a towel underneath his left hand and pulled out hydrogen peroxide from the first aid kit. I poured it over his whole hand, watching as it fizzed and bubbled in various area where the skin was torn open. Immediately AJ began to stir, wincing slightly and trying to pull his hand away from the cause of his discomfort.
“Hey.” I whispered, grasping his wrist a little more tightly so he wouldn’t pull away from me. “Don’t move… I know it burns, but just try to stay still, okay?”
I looked up at him to see if he was awake and was registering everything I was saying. His eyes were scrunched closed, but I could tell that he was indeed conscious.
“Alex.” I warned when he tried to pull away from me again. “I’m cleaning your hands right now, okay? I need you to stay still while I do this.”
AJ’s eyes finally fluttered open, but quickly closed once again due to the harshness of the light; that couldn’t be good for the state he was in. Slowly, he opened his eyes once again, looking around the room in confusion.
“Where… where am I?” he asked, his voice groggy.
“We’re back at my house.” I answered. “How you feeling?”
He groaned as he tried to sit up against the headboard. “Like I’ve been hit by a mac truck…”
“Well, you should after pulling that stunt.” I muttered under my breath. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but I was angry and hurt at the fact that he turned back to alcohol, something that was so close to claiming his life.
“What?” he asked me.
I glanced up at him, wondering if he heard what I had said. “Nothing.” I tried to brush it off.
“No, you said something Howie.” he said a bit firmly. “What happened?”
My eyes widened upon hearing him ask me that, and I looked up at him to see if he was serious. He was. “You don’t remember anything?”
He sighed heavily, “Obviously not if I’m asking you. Why do I feel… like shit?”
My anger resolved into concern, wondering if this was the affect from the alcohol or something deeper and far more dangerous. Visions of the accident began playing through my mind again, from what had happened to us to discovering that AJ had lost his memory. I remember the doctors saying that he should be able to gain his memory back in episodes, but they never mentioned that he would suffer any neurological problems later down the line.
“Howie?” he called out to me.
I snapped out of my trance, “Yeah?”
“What happened?” he repeated.
I began to chew on my bottom lip, unsure if I should tell him what he did. I mean, I didn’t even understand myself if his loss of memory was due to the alcohol or his brain. “Alex, I…”
“D., just tell me.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, “You were drinking, Alex…”
I slowly opened my eyes to see his reaction, sighing a bit when I didn’t get one. He simply stared at me as if he didn’t understand what I just said.
“Drinking?” he asked me. “Drinking what? Drinking soda or something?”
My heart dropped hearing him ask me that. Not for a second did he think I was referring to alcohol, and that’s when I realized that the man that lay before me was Alex, or at least Alex trying to come back to us. In Alex’s mind, alcohol didn’t exist, nor did the fact of him giving any kind of addictive substance a second glance. In Alex’s mind, alcohol and drugs wasn’t in his life.
He glanced down at his hands that I was still busy cleaning, “There’s no way in hell drinking soda could get me feeling like this, or end up like this, cause if that’s the case I-”
“You were drinking Jack Daniels.” I interrupted him.
I was staring at him when I finally revealed to him what he had been drinking, and the reaction I got completely broke my heart. His eyes were wide and his mouth fell ajar, looking like a little lost child, confused and scared. He began shaking his head, as if telling me that there was no possible way that happened, and I could only stare at him helplessly, as if telling him yes… it did happen.
“Why didn’t you stop me?” he whispered.
I was taken aback at hearing him blame me. “I wasn’t with you… do you remember anything at all?”
Instead of answering my question, he continued to ramble on. “How… how did that happen? I was doing so good, and then this… Howie, please tell me that didn’t happen, please…”
He pulled his hands away from me, and this time I let go. He held his hands out in front of him, observing his bloody and bruised hands. “Why wasn’t no one there to stop me…” he asked softly to himself. “Why didn’t I stop myself?” after he got that out, he broke down crying.
I could only sit there and stare at him, not sure what to do. Between Kevin’s story and what was going on now, I was extremely confused. Hesitantly, I reached out to try to console him, happy that he didn’t pull away from me. I climbed into the bed with him and sat beside him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pulling him towards me. He quickly buried his head into my chest, and I could feel his tears seeping through my shirt.
“Was I not strong enough?” he sobbed out. “I came this far Howie… tell me I didn’t do it…”
I chose to remain silent, I didn’t know what I could possibly say to him to comfort him. We sat there for the longest, him crying on my chest while I just held onto him. He finally pulled away, his tears had stopped flowing.
“I came this far for nothing…” he mumbled. “all the years I’ve stayed sober has gone down the drain, just like that.” he was staring straight ahead. He released a maniacal chuckle and just shook his head, “I can’t believe I did this.”
“Alex,” I voiced out for the first time, “we all make mistakes… we’re not perfect.”
“But I was trying Howie… you believe me, don’t you?” he asked me, looking me straight in the eyes, his brown orbs wide and watery. “I was trying so hard to be perfect, to be the person I should be… I was trying so hard keeping myself from making the same mistakes, because I did learn from it Howie, I did. This… this can’t be…” he paused for a while, and just looked up above. “God, do you hate me?” he cried out. “Why are you doing this to us? Why are you doing this to me?”
I was at a loss of words, I can’t say this enough, but I seriously didn’t know what to do. He tore away from me and had jumped out of the bed. “Where are you going?” I asked him.
“You guys must hate me, huh?” he asked in a bitter tone, and that’s when I saw Alex resolving away, being replaced by someone I didn’t know.
I was out of the bed now. “We don‘t hate you Alex.”
“Why not?” he asked me in a small voice. “God hates me.”
I don’t know what possessed me to do so, but I snapped. “Are you listening to yourself Alex? Do you hear what’s coming out of your mouth? How dare you stand here and place the blame all on God, how dare you!” I yelled.
AJ’s eyes widen, obviously shocked at the way I exploded, but I wasn’t done. “The only person you can blame is yourself Alex, you’re the one that picked up that damn bottle, no one was holding a fucking gun to your head!” he winced upon hearing me swear. Out of all the guys, Brian and I rarely swore, and when we did it was because we were extremely upset or being dead serious. “You need to stop thinking that everyone hates you and stop trying to make everyone hate you. The whole world is not out to get you, but you sure make it seem that way. We’re trying so hard to help you here, I’m trying so hard Alex…” I felt tears trickling freely down my face, but I did nothing to stop them. “but I’m seriously at a loss with how to help you. I don’t know what to do anymore… I wish I could take all your pain away, I wish I could prevent you from getting hurt all the time, but I can’t. I can only be here to catch you when you fall. You sit here saying you’re not strong enough, that’s bullshit Alex, and you know it. You’ve been through so much and you overcame it all, how is that not strength? And let me tell you something, through all those trials and tribulations, you know who’s been there with you the whole time? It was God Alex, the very one you’re blaming everything on. He was there for you when we weren’t. Where has your faith gone? Where have you gone Alex?”
I stood there, heaving and sobbing while AJ just stared at me, letting everything I said register within his mind.
“I… I wish I knew.” he finally whispered. “I don’t know what’s going on anymore Howie, and that scares me. I wish I could tell you exactly how I’m feeling, but the thing is I don’t even know anymore. I seriously don’t know where the old me has gone, but… I know I don’t like what I’m becoming. I know you guys are trying so hard to help me, and I’m really sorry with what I’m putting you all through, I’m just…” he started bawling again, “I’m so confused Howie… I don’t know anything, what I’m doing, what I’m becoming… everythings hurts so bad, and I just want it to all end already.”
I walked up to him and embraced him in the tightest hug I could muster. His body shook from the force of sobs, but I just held onto him and continued to cry. “Everything will end, in time.” I told him. “You need to give it time Alex… stop trying to rush it and go at this all alone. You’re not alone. We’ll make it through this… you’ll make it through.”
“How can you be so sure? I picked up again Howie… and I could’ve swore I was making it through.”
“Because…” I paused, grasping his face in my hands and forcing him to look me in the eyes. “you’ve come this far to let it all go. And just because you slipped up, doesn’t mean you can’t get through this. You can and you will… and it’s because you’re strong. You are strong Alex… the strongest person I know. It takes a lot to come face-to-face with your dark past again and being able to walk away from it… again. What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger Alex. You’re still here buddy… and that’s how I know you’ll make it, that’s how I know you’re strong enough. Everything happens for a reason, no matter what challenges we may face, it was all for a reason. Just know that God never gives you more than you can handle…you’re still standing Alex… you’re still standing.”
AJ smiled, and that’s when I saw Alex shining through once again. “Thank you.” he whispered, grabbing me into a hug. “God, thank you Howie…”
“I’m here for you Alex…” I whispered back, “we’re here for you, and we’re not going anywhere. We love you man.”
We stood there for what seemed like forever in that hug, refusing to let each other go. AJ finally broke away though, and tried to wipe away his tears with the back of his hands, but ended up wincing instead.
“Thanks to the tearfest, I forgot that my hands were mangled.” he said with a laugh.
I chuckled as well, “It was something we needed. Now, come and sit back on the bed so I can finish cleaning it.”
He sat down and had placed both of his hands under the light. “I’m gonna have to pour hydrogen peroxide on your left hand again.” I informed him.
He cringed, “You did it already, why do you have to do it again?”
“It’s been exposed to the dirty air for too long.” I glanced up at him and saw him biting his bottom lip, I couldn’t help than to laugh. “C’mon Jay, I’d expect this kind of reaction from a kid, but coming from a grown man that’s covered in tattoos?”
“Shutup.” he muttered, laughing as well. “Just hurry up and get it done and over with.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I still have to do this with your right hand.”
“How the hell is that suppose to make me feel better?” he groaned. “I mean, whatever happened I obviously wasn’t thinking and couldn’t feel anything, but now I’m beginning to feel the onslaught of… SON OF A BITCH!!” he screamed out.
I tried to hold in my laughter, “You were doing fine when you were sleeping, maybe I should come back and finish this when you’re asleep.”
“If you haven’t forgotten, it did wake me up.” he seethed. “Like I was saying, I didn’t feel the pain before, but I’m definitely feeling it now.”
“Well, hopefully this gets you to think twice the next time you decide to take on your house.”
“What happened to my house?” he asked me in all seriousness.
The light mood had completely left me as well, leaving me to dwell within my earlier thoughts. “You, um… trashed it.”
“Oh.” was all that he said in reply.
After that, nothing was said between us. As I finished dressing his hands, my mind began to wander back to my earlier thoughts, of AJ experiencing a slight memory loss and wondering if it was due to the alcohol or his brain. And the more I thought about it, the less I was beginning to think it was an affect of the alcohol. It was slowly becoming clear to me that AJ might be suffering from a neurological problem, almost relating to schizophrenia.
Chapter 30 by rebellious_one
Author's Notes:
Wow. Here's yet another update!! Man, I'm on a roll!! I'm determined to dish out as much updates as I can before I return back to work!!
“Rise and shine ladies!!”
My eyes snapped open upon hearing that voice, automatically knowing it was the voice of our guards. I quickly rose from my cot and tried my best to rub the sleep from my eyes. I glanced over at Blake’s cot and noticed that he was up as well, the swelling in his face had gone down dramatically.
“You.” one of the guards had pointed their stick at me. “You’re coming with us.”
Immediately my eyes darted over to Blake, and he remained emotionless, he simply gave me a little nod. As soon as I felt the two guards grab me, I began to panic. I was roughly tugged out of my cot and cell, and was practically dragged to wherever they were taking me. I tried to keep up with them, but it was as if my body was still half asleep and wasn’t quick enough to obey the instructions my brain was sending out. I tried struggling against them, but that only resulted in them wrenching my arms behind my back, shoving me forward.
“Is the pushing and shoving necessary?” I seethed out.
Before I knew it, I felt something slam into the back of my knees, causing my legs to buckle out from under me. Immediately I collapsed to the ground, crying out when I felt a throbbing pain course through both of my legs. I felt my head being pulled back, the guard pulling my head up towards him by tugging on my hair.
“You are no one to question our authorities, got it?”
When I didn’t give an answer, the other guard had walked in front of me and slapped me across the face with the butt of his rifle. “I asked you a question, and you better damn well answer me!”
“YES!” I screamed out, spitting out a pool of blood.
The guard that was holding me up by my hair smirked, seemingly satisfied that I was in agony and pain. I didn’t think I could get up, but those two guards surely thought I could, for they hauled me up and placed me right back on my feet. The lower half of my body was screaming and protesting in pain, weak and listless, ready to give out yet again, but I was forced to continue walking. Each step was painful, it felt as if I was walking on broken legs, and it probably was broken, but I kept it all in. I could feel my cheek swelling, could feel the blood oozing out of the broken skin and could taste it on my cracked lips.
We finally reached our destination, or what looked to be another interrogation room. They opened the door and tossed me in as if I was nothing but a rag doll. I grunted when I felt my body make contact with the hard floor, but did nothing to push myself up. I simply wanted to lay there and die, hopefully bleed to death from the wounds in my face or simply from the pain that were wracking numerous parts of my body.
A bright light blasted into the room from up above, causing me to immediately close my eyes and shy away from it’s intensity. I was picked up yet again from the ground and was shoved into a chair, my arms being twisted behind me and binded together while my legs were shackled to the chair. I let my head loll down, my chin resting on my chest. I could feel a my saliva, which was tainted with my blood, dribble down the corner of my mouth, and there was nothing I could do to get rid of it.
I heard the door open again, but didn’t raise my head to see who had walked in. Before me stood the two guards, but another man, who was a tall, slim man who looked to be in his late 30’s, decked out in a formal suit had joined them. He had a suitcase in hand and almost looked to be a business man or a lawyer, almost.
“Do you know who I am Mr. Carter?” he asked me.
I slowly lifted my head to look at him, but didn’t respond. The guard who had lectured me earlier was back in my face, grabbing me by my hair again and yanking my head up. “He asked you a fucking question!”
“Dean, let him go.” the other man warned.
So, the asshole’s name was Dean? I didn’t let my head loll back down, instead, I tried to keep it upright while I stared at the man in front of me through squinted eyes. The man slowly walked up to me, his dress shoes clanking rather hardly against the shiny tiled floor. He knelt down a bit so that he was eye leveled with me.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked again in a gentle voice.
If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought this man to be my savior, the one to save me and take me out of this god forsaken place, he seemed professional and gentle and looked as if… he really wanted to help me, as if he knew I was innocent.
“No.” I finally replied.
“Well Mr. Carter, I’m the warden of this here prison.”
Everything, from the color in my face to the thoughts in my mind, drained from me. My eyes were wide, my mouth falling agape; I couldn’t believe that for a moment I actually thought that this guy would help me.
He tilted his head to the side a bit and smirked, “What’s with the sudden change of expression? You didn’t think…” he paused for a moment, his smile growing bigger as if a light bulb had just went off in his head. “you don’t think I came here to set you free, did you?”
I didn’t reply, I honeslty couldn’t. The man rose to his feet again and walked away from me, walking towards a table that was a few feet away. “Yes Nickolas,” he began, placing his suitcase on the table, “I am the warden of this prison, hard to believe, I know… everyone here addresses me as Warden Samuel, but…” he paused, taking time to open his suitcase. “you can just call me Sam.”
He turned back towards me and my eyes had glazed over at his open suitcase. My eyes widen and my heart started poudning heavily within my chest when I saw instruments of torture laying in his suitcase. I glanced up at him and watched as he slowly walked towards me, slipping his hands into latex gloves.
“Wha… what are you doing?” I choked out, my body suddenly waking up and becoming fully aware of everything that was happening.
“Nickolas, I’m about to ask you a question… and I want the truth.” he said to me calmly as he turned back to his suitcase. “This doesn’t have to get messy, but I’m warning you it will if you don’t cooperate with us.”
“You guys are fucking crazy!” I screamed out, trying my best to get away from them, but not succeeding. I felt the cuffs beginning to tear into the flesh of my wrist, but I didn’t stop struggling.
I watched him as he pulled out what seemed to be a small razor, and he had turned back to face me. “What exactly has Blake told you?”
I was quivering now, remembering what Blake had told me last night, but not actually sure if I could do what he said. This guy was standing before me with a fucking razor in his hand, about to cut me up with it, that I’m sure. “He… he…”
“C’mon Nickolas, this isn’t a hard question.” He was slowly approaching me now.
It was suddenly getting harder to breathe, and I felt the pain of the razor ripping my flesh already. I wanted to pass out right then and there so I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this, but I remained sitting there, staring at Sam with wide eyes, my chest heaving.
“He didn’t tell me anything.” I finally answered.
“Wrong answer.” was all that he said before he made his way to my left arm and had brought the razor down to my skin.
He pulled the razor over my flesh, tearing it open slightly, causing me to scream out at the top of my lungs. This was the first slice he made, and I knew there was more to come, I just don’t think I’d be able to last.
“What did Blake tell you?” he asked again, his voice a little louder this time.”
“He didn’t tell me shit!” I screamed out as I felt him slice an opening on another part of my left arm.
For the next five minutes, it was an endless circle of him asking me what Blake had told me, me telling him that nothing was said, and him slicing small wounds into my arms. He finally backed away, leaving me crying out in pain. I glanced down at my arms, noticing that it was a bloody mess, I could no longer see my colored skin because it was drenched with my red blood. The cool air was hitting it, and the stinging and throbbing sensation seemed endless. Slowly, my arms began to grow numb to the pain that was coursing through me.
“I warned you that this could get messy if you didn’t cooperate with us Mr. Carter.” Sam told me as he took off his gloves, that were covered in my blood.
“I am fucking cooperating with you!” I spat back, my tears seemed like it didn’t want to stop flowing. “I’m tell you right now, he didn’t fucking tell me shit!”
“There’s really no need for the language.” he stated matter-of-factly. “And besides, you can sit here and tell us that Blake didn’t tell you anything till you’re blue in the face, it’ll only result in more suffering and maybe your untimely demise. Maybe you know this, but Blake has already been through what you’re going through, and believe me it took a lot to get out of him what we wanted to know, but he finally gave in and told us.” My eyes widen a bit upon hearing that. “And to think, he went through all that pain and suffering for nothing… if he would’ve simply told us what we wanted to know in the first place, none of this would’ve happened.”
There was no possible way Blake told them, no way in hell. He was the one telling me not to say anything, not to give in to them, no matter what they did to me. That’s when I realized that they were bluffing; telling me something false so they could get me to confess. “Yeah?” I scoffed out. “Well, just because he talked to you… doesn’t mean he talked to me.”
“Nickolas…” he chuckled, “we can go on and on and on about this if we wanted to, I mean really… we have all day… but don’t you think you’d be saving yourself the pain if you just told us? Blake has already told us that he has told you something… so give it up.”
“Well, seeing as how I don’t know shit, that would make Blake a liar, wouldn’t it?” I answered cockily. “Besides, if he told you guys what you wanted to know… why the hell are you asking me?”
Sam’s gentle face curved into a sinister one when he realized that I caught them in their bluff. He walked back to his suitcase and began rummaging through it. I couldn’t tell what he was looking for, and at that exact moment I didn’t really care. My body was so sore, that I became oblivious to the pain already.
“Okay Nickolas.” I heard Sam say as he kept his back facing me. He had something in his hands, and he was tapping it a bit, and when I saw the liquid squirt above his head, that’s when I realized what it was. “Have it your way.” he turned around to face me, syringe in hand.
I don’t know what it was, all I knew was that I didn’t want him to get anywhere near me with it. I began struggling again, causing my wounds to stretch open a little further and more blood to spurt out. I ignored the pain I was in and continued to try and get away from him. Dean had walked up behind me and had grabbed my head, tilting it painfully to the side, exposing my neck.
“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!” I screamed out, spitting all the while.
Dean suddenly moved into a chokehold, keeping my head tilted to the side, cutting off my air supply. I felt myself choking, and I could no longer get words out or a breath in. Sam finally reached me and had jabbed the needle into my neck, painfully pushing the liquid in. I cried out, feeling a burning sensation course through me, but the sensation dulled quickly. He ripped the needle out of my neck harshly, and Dean had released me from the chokehold. I looked around the room, everything seemed to be slowing down and… spinning.
Sam knelt down in front of me again, and he was nothing but a blurry image in front of me. “Now Nick…” he started, and his voice for some reason echoed. “I’m gonna ask you this again, and this time you will answer me with the truth and nothing but the truth.” when I didn’t say anything in reply, he continued on. “You and Blake were in the cell, were you not?”
Without thinking twice, I answered him. “Yes.”
He smirked, “You and Blake had a discussion yesterday, did you not?”
“Yes.” I answered yet again, in a monotone voice. I don’t know why, but the answers came so quickly and freely, and I found myself not so defiant. I felt weak, but at the same time I didn’t.
“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.” he said with a big smile. “Now, what did Blake tell you?”
Through my cloudy mind, I could hear what the question was, and the answer was right there for me say. “Blake told me…” I stopped mid-sentence. The answer was right there for me to say… I just realized that I was about to tell him what he what he wanted to know, and there was no way I could do that. “Blake told me that… life is never fair.”
I heard him sigh heavily, “Let me ask you this… has Blake… told you anything… about the prison?”
Right there and again, I found myself ready and willing to answer his question truthfully. “Yes.” It just came out, there was nothing I could do to stop it.
“What has he told you?”
I had to fix this somehow, I couldn’t possibly tell him the truth. I had to literally bite my tongue to keep myself from spilling everything out and had to buy myself some time to think of something. “He… he told me that I was just like every other prisoner and that there was no way I’d be set free.”
“Was there anything else he told you?”
“He asked me if I was paying you guys off to set me free. I told him no and he said that I’d be stuck in this prison just like the rest of them.”
“Was that all he said?”
“Yes.”
He just stared at me for the longest while I stared back. My vision was slowly but surely becoming normal once again, but everything was still spinning and I could still hearing the echoing.
“Dean and Harry.” he said as he rose up. “Get him out of here.”
I sighed heavily, hoping that the interrogation was over. I felt them release my hands and legs from the shackles that bounded them and they carelessly hauled me up from the chair. They dragged me out of the room and instead of bringing me back to my cell, they brought me over the showers instead. They shoved me into the stall and I simply stumbled forward and landed on the ground.
“Strip.” was all that Dean said.
By now, my vision had came back to me and the echoing had ceased. Whatever they had injected me with was quickly leaving my body, returning me to be on my guard and ready to fight. “Fuck that.” I spat out.
Briskly, they both walked up to me, Harry pinning me down to the shower ground while Dean bent down in front of me, smiling all the while. “You know what the problem with you is?” he asked me as he grasped my left arm and yanked it up roughly towards him. “You’ve got a fucking cocky ass mouth on you and you just don’t know when to shut the hell up. But…” he fingers began to trace over the slices that decorated my arm. “maybe this will get you to think twice before you open that fucking mouth of yours.”
I released a blood curling scream as he began to pry each and every small slice I had on my arm open. Tears ran carelessly down my face while my screams dulled out to nothing but hoarse whimpering. I felt my blood spew from the reopened wounds and it felt as if he made the slices deeper than they really were. Once he was complete, they both brought me back up onto my feet and had forced me to stand there in the middle of the shower. I stood on wobbly legs, feeling like I was going to pass out from the immense pain coursing through my body, but they weren’t through with their torturing.
Instead of taking a normal shower, they shot me down with a pressure washer. I was blown back by the force and ended up crying out in pain when I felt the water blast into my reopened cuts. I felt my back hit the shower wall and I simply collapsed to the ground, cowering over to the corner. They counted to wash me down, and every now and again my head was blasted back into the tiled wall due to the force of the water. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally cut the water off and before I knew it I blacked out.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.