“Thanks for meeting me guys. I really appreciate it. I know it was short notice but it’s really important, and I’m not sure I can say it four times without going insane.”

“Nick, what’s wrong? This sounds serious,” Brian asked in curiosity.

“Yea, I know, man. No offense, but you look like hell. What’s going on?” A.J, as well as Brian, Kevin and Howie noticed Nick’s troubled and scared look from the moment he entered the restaurant. His four band mates were invited for lunch, but Nick refused to order anything claiming a lack of hunger. This alone waved a red flag to the other guys because Nick would never invite people to lunch than not eat himself. It had become obvious that there was an ulterior motive behind his actions.

“It’s about Emily.”

The four guys locked eyes with Nick in complete shock. Nick rarely ever talked about Emily, and his relationship with her was always something he kept relatively private. His sudden willingness to talk about her sent a wave of worry over everyone at the table. Something was wrong.

“Three days ago, she was in a car accident.” Nick paused for a significant amount of time, trying to convince the tears in his eyes to hold off. Finally, he continued, “She was hit by a drunk driver.” Against his will, a tear escaped his left eye. He quickly wiped it away, feeling slightly embarrassed. “She’s in the hospital, and she’s in a coma.”

The news was beyond shocking. The table fell silent, and the mood became damper. Nick felt obligated to speak after dropping such a huge bombshell, but he had no idea what to say. What could he say? His best friend was lying in a hospital bed in a coma. His words could never change that.

Finally, after many moments of awkwardness, Kevin spoke up.

“Nick,” he paused, not entirely sure of what he should say, “you know we’ll be there for you. I know this has to be extremely hard for you, but you aren’t alone. And neither is Emily. We’ll all be there for both of you. You don’t even have to ask.”

Nick always knew he could depend on these four men for anything. They were his backbone, his best friends, and his family. Anytime Nick needed someone to support him, it was them he turned to. They’re support and comfort had gotten him through times that probably should have destroyed him, but his best friends would never let him fail himself. Nick trusted them with his life, and he hated that he could rarely do the same for them.

“Nick,” Brian spoke up, “I can only imagine how you must be feeling, but you know we all love Emily, too.”

Howie added, “Yea, she’s like our little sister.”

Nick wanted to cry now more than ever. Between the pain of Emily’s situation and the love he felt from his best friends, Nick had never before felt so vulnerable. The realization of it all made him want to curl up in a corner and hide from the world. But that would make him weak, and that would let Emily down. He refused to let her down.

“Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it. I feel like I’ve been living in hell the passed few days.” Nick’s confession surprised all the guys. He was never one to admit when he was feeling helpless or lost. “I feel like I let her down so badly. I’ve been living in regret like never before, and I really think it’s starting to kill me.”

Nick’s continuous confessions greatly increased the worry had for the young man within the group. His friends were seeing a side of him no one knew existed, and the fear of Nick falling apart was immense.

“Nick, she loves you. She wouldn’t have been your friend all these years if she didn’t. I know you’re regretting a lot of the mistakes you’ve made, but I really don’t think Emily is holding them against you.” Kevin’s words were as comforting to Nick as Emily’s presence had always been. She never did hold Nick’s mistakes against him, but most of the time, she never forgave him either.

Sadly, Nick admitted, “I just don’t want to let her down anymore.”

Brian smiled at Nick’s sudden sense of maturity and evolvement. “I don’t think you will, Nick. I think you might love her too much.”


The lunch continued for only another half hour, but it was completely miserable for Nick. The guilt he was filling for not being at Emily’s side was eating him inside and out. Even though his reason for not being at her bedside was for a good cause, he still felt like he was failing her again. After finally arriving at 1:30, Nick’s whole state of mind changed, and he began to feel happier and more cheerful.

“Emily! I’m sorry I was late. But, the good news is, I brought some friends with,” he smiled at his accomplishment.

“Hi, Em!” Four voices called out, far from in unison.

The sight brought a horrible feeling over the guys. She was their friend, and they all cared about her. The feeling of helplessness seemed to be contagious towards anyone that was in the room. There was nothing anyone could do, and it was heart-wrenching to accept such a horrible fact.

A few hours later, the guys decided to head home and inform their family of the terrible news. All of them vowed to return later in the week for a visit, but secretly, they all hoped it wouldn’t be necessary.

Once again, Nick was alone with only his thoughts to keep him occupied.


“Hello?”

“Nickyyyyyyy!” The voice on the other end of the phone excitedly shrieked.

“Didn’t I tell you not to call me that?”

“Didn’t I tell you I don’t care what you say?”

“Gee, thanks, Em,” Nick laughed. “So what’s up, girl?”

“Nothing, I just haven’t talked to you in a while. You never call me,” she said in a sad voice.

“Don’t feel bad, I never call anyone,” he laughed at his own joke.

“I’m sure,” Emily sarcastically informed Nick. “So what are you doing?”

“Actually, I’m in the studio right now. I just finished recording a song.”

“Really?” Emily asked excitedly.

“Yea, it’s a duet. It’s pretty cool.”

“A duet,” she asked slightly confused, “with who?”

“Melissa Schuman. She’s was in Dream,” he informed her.

“Oh yea, I remember them. I want to hear it,” she exclaimed.

Nick laughed at his friend’s excitement. “You’ll be the first, I promise!”

“So I should go check Live Daily for leaks, then, huh?”Emily asked sarcastically, knowing that Nick rarely followed through with his promises.

“Why do you go on that site? It’s not like you can’t get the latest information from a more reliable source.”

“Oh, really? Like who?” She teased Nick.

“Ha, ha! If you keep being mean to me, I’ll never let you hear the song.”

“Oh, the horror! Carter deprivation!”

“I knew you couldn’t handle it,” Nick joked, knowing it would get on Emily’s nerves.

“Oh yea, Nick. You caught me!”

Nick laughed at the friendly banter between the two. He loved joking with Emily. She could take it just as well as she could dish it.

“Listen, babe, I gotta go. I’ll call you as soon as I get the finished copy and I’ll send it you, ok?”

“Alright, Nicky. Don’t be a stranger!”

“I won’t, babe. Talk to you later.”

“Yup, later!”

Click.


“Hello?”

“Check your mail, babe!”

“Nick! You actually called me!”

“I told you I would! Now go check you’re email before your Carter deprivation gets out of control,” Nick jokingly said.

“You know something, Nick? Sometimes I don’t know why I talk to you,” Emily laughed.

“Cause you love me too much to stop,” he smiled on the other end of the phone.

“Unfortunately,” she jokingly agreed. “So is this your new song I’m getting?”

“Yes it is, just like I promised,” Nick proudly informed her.

“Wait! Hold on a second. Did you just make and keep two promises at the same time?”

Even Nick had to laugh at the realization, “I think I did.”

“Wow, I think hell just froze over.”


“Still no sign of her parents?”

“No. I think I’m gonna try calling them tomorrow.”

Sam was surprised by Nick’s sudden interest in righting things between Emily and her parents, but still, she was impressed.

“Good luck with that, Nick. I doubt it will be easy.”

“Nothing right is ever easy. I’ve been learning that the hard way.”

Ring. Ring. Ring.

The phone kept ringing but no one answered. This had to be the sixth time Nick tried reaching Emily’s parents today. He left three messages already, and the frustration was beginning to build. He had to leave for the hospital soon and he would have preferred to arrive baring good news. Unfortunately, this didn’t seem to be the case.

Optimistically, Nick tried the number one more time.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Now feeling angered, he left for the hospital. He was disappointed that he couldn’t reach Emily’s parents. He knew it wasn’t his fault, and there was no way he could make them take his call, but he still wanted so badly to please Emily. It wouldn’t fix everything, but it would be a step in the right direction. Any chance he had to do something right for her, he’d take it. Right now, all he could do was hope that tomorrow would bring better luck.

When Nick got to the hospital, Emily’s doctor was in the room. Usually, he would only stop in once a day, just for routine purposes, and it was never so early. His random appearance brought an overwhelming feeling of fear into Nick’s heart. He couldn’t help but wonder if something had gone wrong while he was away for the night. There was no way he could live with himself if something else had happened to Emily, ever.

“Hi,” Nick nervously said.

“Hi, there, Nick. How are you today?”

“I’d be better if I knew why you were here right now. No offense, but it’s unusual.”

“Oh, don’t worry about a thing. I’m just checking Emily’s brain activity and comparing it to two days ago. I check it every day at the same time for consistency, but I need to compare it to when she first arrived, so I’m getting it a little early today.”

“Why, what will that do?” Nick worriedly asked the doctor.

“For Emily, nothing, but we may be able to get a better idea of if and when she’ll wake up. So far, everything looks good. Her brain activity has been relatively high for a trauma-related coma patient, so the general feeling is optimistic. However, if there’s a significant negative difference between right now and three days ago, we’ll have to reassess our evaluations.”

“What does that mean? If her brain activity goes down you’ll just give up on her,” Nick snapped, feeling offended and hurt by the doctor’s comments.

“No, Nick, that’s not at all what I mean,” the doctor explained patiently. “We are obligated to give accurate information to the best of our abilities. Now, if her brain activity has significantly decreased, you should know about it. Normally, this information is only given to a related family member, but since no one here claims to be related to her, and you’ve been here the most, you’re the one I’ll be dealing with. This is not standard procedure, and I could easily be sued for this, but I’m hoping that things won’t work out that way.”

“I appreciate what you’re doing. I really do. I’ve been trying to get a hold of her parents, but no one’s answering. I don’t think she’ll mind that you’re keeping me informed.”

“Well, that’s not what I’m worried about, Nick. My problem is if her parents or another family member shows up, and they find out I’ve been telling you otherwise classified information… things could get a little ugly.”

“Well, at this point, it’s not an issue, but if they do show up, I won’t tell them about it.” Nick paused, thinking about what the doctor said, “What if it’s the opposite?”

“…the opposite of what?”

“What if her brain activity has increased?”

“Well, I personally have never heard of that, so I’m not even sure where to begin figuring that out. But it isn’t too uncommon for brain activity to be consistent. Right now, that’s what you should be hoping for because it has the best chances.”

Nick considered the argument, “Emily wouldn’t settle for that. Her expectations, especially of me, are a lot higher. So, I’m hoping it’s increased.”

“Fair enough.” The doctor reached out his hand to shake Nick’s. “I’ll be back in about an hour with the results.”

“Thanks.”

He left the room, and Nick stared at Emily.

“I hope your expectations are as high as mine.”

Nick impatiently waited for the doctor to return, and after two hours, he was beginning to feel like insanity was taking over. The fact that these results could potentially dictate Emily’s future had Nick feeling anxious and uneasy. Much to his surprise, Sam walked in earlier than usual.

“Nick? Are you ok? You look really freaked out about something.”

Nick looked up at Sam, “The doctor is doing a brain activity comparison between today and when she first came in. He said if it’s had significant negative changes, we may not have as much hope for her.”

“Oh, Nick…” Sam walked over and put her arms around the troubled young man. The feeling was awkward, yet sincere. For the most part, she never liked the guy, but after getting to know Nick over the last few days, and after seeing the sides of his personality he usually kept hidden, she had begun to think of him more as a friend. She knew this was hurting Nick more than he’d ever admit, though he’d never deny it either. Sam knew he loved Emily, whether he admitted it or not, and anything that threatened her recovery chances ripped Nick apart inside. He was forcing himself to be the strong one, but he was so weak inside even he was having trouble convincing himself of his strengths.

“I’m really scared, Sam.”

Nick’s honesty surprised Sam. She sat down next to him and put her arm around his back. He allowed his head to fall into his hands, trying to mask the pain.

“I’m really scared too, Nick,” she said softly, “but you know Emily as well as I do, if not better. She’ll get through this. She’s too stubborn not too.”

Nick couldn’t help but to let out a tiny laugh. Sam was more than right, and he didn’t doubt Emily’s recovery. He was more afraid that it would take longer and be harder than he expected. No matter what, though, he would deal with it, but he wasn’t sure if he would really be able to handle the pain he knew he was destined to feel.

“I just wish she would wake up so I could talk to her.”

“What would you say,” Sam asked curiously.

“I’d tell her how sorry I am, and I’d promise her I’ll never let her down again.”

“You wouldn’t tell her you love her?” Sam knew she may have been crossing lines, but she wanted to see how honest Nick would be.

He laughed at the question, feeling surprised by her boldness. “Why do you keep pushing that issue?”

“I didn’t know it was an issue,” Sam smiled.

“It’s not,” Nick lied. “But what I do and don’t feel for her is between us.”

“I never said it wasn’t, Nick,” Sam responded, feeling Nick’s discomfort.

“Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but can we not talk about this? I really don’t think it’s the right time or place.”

“Yea, sorry I brought it up.”

Just then, the doctor entered the room. He was expressionless and glancing over a clipboard full of paper work. Nick tried to determine whether he came with good or bad news, but the doctor’s stoic face was too difficult to interpret.

“Nick, can I see you out in the hall please?”

“Yea,” he looked at Sam, “I’ll be right back.”

Nick’s anxiety again increased significantly in anticipation of the news. He prayed it was good, but the fear of bad news seemed to overshadow any prospect of hope.

“I just got done comparing the results of Emily’s brain activity. Unfortunately, it did not increase, which was not expected, but there also has been almost no change, so things are looking good.”

“Oh thank God!” Nick exclaimed at the sound of the news. He felt like a million weights had been lifted off his shoulders.

“At this point, should Emily wake up, we’re optimistic that she will have no brain damage, and she’ll more than likely have her complete memory. Now, the longer she stays in a coma, her likelihood of a full and complete recovery decreases. It’s still possible that after even two or three months she could wake up completely normal, but the longer it lasts, her chances of a complete recovery lessen.”

“I understand. I’m just grateful it’s good news as of right now. She’ll be fine. I know she will!”

The two shook hands and parted ways. Nick reentered the hospital room and excitedly told Sam about the good news. The two hugged again, thankful that their best friend was fighting inside. The thought of losing her scared both Nick and Sam and they continuously prayed for her recovery.

Finally, Nick and Sam sat down again, still feeling excited by the good news. Shortly after though, Nick’s curiosity took over.

“Not that I mind, because I don’t, but why were you here so early? You don’t usually get here until around 5:30,” Nick asked.

Sam laughed lightly, “I figured since it’s Friday, I could leave work early. So, I took half a sick day and came here. I feel bad that I haven’t been spending that much time here.”

“Ha, ha! That’s funny. I feel the same way,” Nick said jokingly, but actually meant it.

“Nick, you spend all your time here!”

“Yea, between eleven and nine. That’s not even half the day.”

“Nick,” Sam gave him a puzzled look, “I know you want to make things up to Emily, but living in her room won’t do that. You have to wait until she wakes up.”

Nick felt defeated, “I know, but if I didn’t come here every day, I’d feel like I was letting her down. I’d feel like I was telling her that I don’t care enough to even be there for her. How could I do that to her, Sam? She’s got no one else. I’m not gonna abandon her.”

“Nick, I never said you should abandon her. I’m just saying that you being here every day won’t change the past. So if that’s what you’re counting on,” she stopped, considering her choice of words carefully, “just don’t, Nick.”


Around 7:30, Sam said her good-byes and headed home for the night. Nick began to notice that he hated being in Emily’s room all alone, but he also loved his time with her. For some reason though, he felt intimidated by the silence, with only the occasional beeping of a machine tugging at his nerves. When he was alone with her, he always tried to make conversation, despite having no response.

“I was thinking about something today, Em. Do you remember when I recorded that song? The duet…” He asked her knowing he’d get no reply. “I made two promises to you that day, and I kept them both.”

This event had only taken place about a year earlier, and since then, Nick had been putting a little effort into being a better person towards his friend.

Lately I've been thinking about the things that we've been through

“I wish could have kept more of my promises to you.”

And I don't know if I'd be here if not for you

“You always kept your promises to me. All I ever did was hurt you. I’m trying to change, Em. I really am.”

I had to take a little time and try to work things out

“I never meant to hurt you. If I could turn back time, I’d take it all back.”

And you should know that I had never meant to let you down

“I hate myself every moment of my life knowing that you’ve cried before and it was my fault.”

'Cause I, I wanna tell you that I am sorry and I, I

“And now I think about that song, and how it defined our relationship, and how that was one of the only promises I’ve ever kept to you.”

Even when I'm not giving enough
And I'm taking too much
You’re still there for me
Even when I've got nothing at
all and I'm ready to fall
You're still there for me
Even when I can't be there for you,
You are always there for me

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I don’t want you to feel pain, and I especially don’t want you to feel pain that I’ve caused.”

Sometimes I know I can be so hard to understand (it's ok)

“I know I’m not an easy person to deal with sometimes, but you’ve been by my side when I was an ass. I’ll never ask you for anything again if you just stay by my side forever.”

Even when I'm lost you show me who I really am

“Everything good in me is because of you, Em.”

Life with me it hasn't always been an easy ride

“Just please don’t give up on me.”
But because of you I've learned to lose my selfish high

“I promise I’ll never give up on you. I’ll never let anything happen to you again.”

And I, I wanna tell you that I am sorry and I, I

“I can never apologize enough for what I’ve done. I just hope that one day you can forgive me. That’s all that matters to me.”

Even when I'm not giving enough
and I'm taking too much
You’re still there for me
Even when I've got nothing at all
And I'm ready to fall
You're still there for me
Even when I can't be there for you ,
You are always there for me

“I need you to wake up, Emily. I can’t live without you. I wish I would have told you that sooner, but it’s better than never at all, right? Please, Em… Please wake up… Please.”

You're always there for me...

When Nick arrived home from the hospital that night, he was feeling more depressed than ever before. Even with the good news about Emily’s prognosis, he still felt like dying inside. His conversation with her that night was the first time he had ever admitted that he truly needed Emily; that he couldn’t live without her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to feel that way either, because for the most part, he liked the feeling of knowing that there was someone in his life worth waking up for. But what he didn’t like was feeling that way in addition to feeling like he was going to lose her.

The thought continuously haunted Nick’s mind despite all of his efforts to rid himself of such pessimism. Unfortunately, though, it was such a strong possibility that he almost never stopped thinking about it. Even when he slept, all his mind would allow him to grasp was Emily leaving him, and he hated it.

After looking over at his answering machine, Nick noticed that he had a new message. Apprehensively, he walked over to the table. The last time he pushed this button, his world fell apart. Nick contemplated the risk, and after considering the possibilities of who would call his house phone, he decided it would be best to listen. Since he had left three messages with Emily’s parents, he thought there was a good chance that they had returned his call. Unfortunately, he was right.

“Hi, there, Nick. This is Andy, Emily’s father.” There was a long pause on the other end of the machine, and the anticipation made Nick’s stomach sink. “We got your messages from earlier, and we do appreciate you calling. However, we do not feel that it is our responsibility to fly down to Florida and put our lives on hold because of Emily’s mistakes. She left her life here to follow you around. She made that choice. We begged her not to, but she put your first.” The voice on the line was now sounding angry and bitter. “So, her mother and I, we aren’t putting her first. If you could keep us informed, we would really appreciate it, but we see no point in flying down to Florida all the way from Michigan just to sit in a hospital room all day and do nothing. I know you’re probably thinking we’re the bad ones here, but Emily chose to go to Florida and leave her family behind for some guy who barely remembered she existed. She did this to herself. This is not our fault!”

The sound of the phone being slammed down caused Nick to jump. Emily had moved to Florida for Nick. The news was dumbfounding to him. She had always told him she had accepted a job offer and relocated due to her career. Now her lie to him and her disappointment to her family had left Emily completely alone. It was no wonder why she didn’t want to wake up.

Emily had given up everything she had and left her parents against their liking all so she could be with Nick, and he never even considered her until she nearly died. The realization of his own selfishness was doing nothing to help his already depressed state of mind. The regret he felt inside was more unbearable than ever before, and for the first time in his life, Nick seriously considered giving up.

He knew giving up would solve nothing, but it would be so much easier than feeling like less than a person. He hated who he had become over the years, and who he was now. His need to be better than everyone around him had caused a storm of trouble he was totally blind to. Now it was too late, and the damage had been done. There was nothing he could do to make Emily’s parents take back their words. There was nothing he could do to prevent her from driving down that doomed street. There was nothing he could do to wake her up, and if she did wake up, there was nothing he could do or say to make things right again. So what was the point? He would get nothing out of any of this, and in the end, he’d probably be alone.

He always had to get something out of it, though. That was Nick’s problem. If he wasn’t coming out ahead, then he wasn’t coming out at all. As this thought crossed his mind, a sense of understanding flooded his body. Emily never asked for anything from Nick, but Nick demanded the world from her. This time though, he had to give her everything and expect nothing in return. That was all he could do for her. His money or fame wouldn’t fix anything and he knew this.


Nick spent that evening looking through old pictures of when he was a child. They were pictures of when he was innocent and had no expectations for anyone or anything. All he wanted out of life was to be happy, no matter what he was doing. Now, the only way he was ever happy was when the people around him were hurt. He wondered why anyone in his life ever stuck around, especially the people that had no obligation to stay; especially Emily.

As Nick thumbed through his childhood, he stumbled upon a crinkled piece of paper that had a poem written on it. Next to the poem was a comment that read “Great choice, Nick!” It was an assignment he had once been given in school. For a moment, Nick was back in time, eleven years old and clueless. He was supposed to choose a poem that meant something in his life. This old piece of paper was his choice. A poem by Stephen Foster, called Beautiful Dreamer.

Nick remembered the assignment and he remembered his reason for picking it. It was about friendship. At the time, he had felt like he had no real friends. He felt like he had no one he could trust and no one he could turn to, and this poem was a sincere tale of friendship. This was something Nick wanted more than anything, but his peers never gave him a chance because they were too busy teasing him about singing and acting. Suddenly, Nick’s feelings of lonesomeness came full circle. When he was truly all alone, all he wanted was someone to be there for him. Now, he had plenty of people that cared about him, and he pushed them away every chance he got.
To no surprise of his own, the night was long and lonely for Nick. All he wanted was to be with Emily.


When Nick arrived at the hospital that day, he was pleasantly surprised to see his four band mates waiting to go inside Emily’s room. Brian, Kevin, Howie and A.J. had all vowed to return for another visit within the week, and as promised, they were back.

“Hey guys. I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” Nick confessed.

“Well, we said we’d come back. We all wanted to make sure Emily was ok,” Kevin replied.

“Yea, someone has to check up on you and make sure you’re taking care of her,” Brian joked and everyone lightly chuckled.

“We’re really proud of you Nick,” Howie confessed. “The way you’ve stepped up and have been there for Emily, it’s a really good of you to do.”

“Thanks,” Nick blushed. “It’s the very least I can do though. I wish I could do more.”

“You’ll get your chance, Nick. Don’t worry.” Kevin’s words were reassuring and Nick secretly hoped he would be right.

Moments later, the five men walked into Emily’s room, still surrounded by now half-inflated balloons reading “Get Well Soon!” They spent the next few hours talking about anything that came up, anything that would keep their minds off of the unknown fate of the woman that lay before them. Though everyone acted nonchalant, the fear that filled the room on a daily basis was impossible to ignore. With every glance towards her and every mention of her name, the thought of Emily slipping away hovered within their minds, taunting them like bullies on a playground.

Nick tried with all of his might to remain focused on the four men that came to support him and his endangered best friend, but all he could really care about was the girl that captured his lonesome mind and heart. Every chance Nick had, he would aimlessly stair at her face, hoping her eyes would open so he could see the sparkle that once lived. He would find himself reminiscing about his past with her, and all the hugs they shared together. All he wanted was that time back. He wanted to hold her again, but this time, he wouldn’t let go. He wanted to be her bridge over troubled water. He just wanted to love her.

“Nick? Nick?! Yo!” The voice kept calling out until finally Nick noticed.

“Huh?” He looked up feeling slightly startled.
Kevin informed him, “You’re kind of off in another world there, buddy. Are you ok?”

“Yea, I’m fine. I was just thinking…”

“About Emily?” Brian prodded.

Nick slightly chuckled, “Maybe a little.”

“It’s alright if you think about her, Nick. We know how you feel. You don’t have to try and hide it from us,” Howie enlightened Nick.

“Whatever you say, D,” Nick laughed again, but refused to deny the allegation.

The boys joked around a few minutes longer and eventually said their goodbyes. Again, they all promised to return to see Emily soon, but hoped they wouldn’t have to. Upon their exit, Nick was once again greeted with his expected feeling of lonesomeness. He sat down in the chair on the right side of Emily’s bed, directly in front of the sun-filled window. He positioned his chair so he could see her face, and quickly drifted off to sleep. For some reason, the only time Nick could peacefully sleep was when he was in Emily’s room.

For the next two hours, doctors and nurses filed in and out of the hospital room, politely avoiding any disturbance to Nick. Over the last week, all of Emily’s nursing staff had become aware of Nick’s inability to sleep at night. It was a conscious decision on the staff’s part to work quickly and quietly to avoid waking him, and he was always very grateful of their kindness.
Sam, however, was not so kind. She loved waking Nick up, despite the fact that she knew he hadn’t been sleeping much. The anger it ensued in him provided her with a moment of humor that was well worth Nick’s undesired sacrifice.

“Wake up, Sunshine!” Sam yelled, fully intending to irritate Nick.

Grumpily, Nick opened his eyes and glared at Sam. “Do you always have to wake me up on the few occasions that I actually sleep?”

“Yes, yes I do. It gives me great pleasure,” she teased.

“I’m beginning to understand why you and Emily are such great friends. She never let me sleep either, especially if the sun was visible. It’s a crime or something, I don’t know.”

They both laughed and Nick stared at the bright sun, hoping it would wake him up a little more.

“So have you heard anything?” Sam asked.

Nick looked at her confused, “About what?”

“Emily’s parents?”

Until that very moment, Nick had forgotten about the message still saved on his answer machine. He had been hoping it was all a dream, but obviously, it wasn’t.

“Yea…” Nick unsurely said, pausing afterward.

Sam gave him a puzzled look, wondering where the conversation would go. “And…?”

He sighed heavily, dreading this moment beyond comprehension. “Her dad called last night while I was here. He left a message,” Nick paused again. “He said that he and his wife didn’t feel that it’s their responsibility to put their lives on hold because of her mistakes.”

“What?!” Sam asked in shock.

“He said that it was her choice to move to Florida to follow around some guy that usually forgot she existed. That was her mistake…” He remembered the words, and remembered the pain. “They don’t feel obligated to come down here because they think she made a mistake. Because she cared about me…”

“Oh Nick…” Sam had known that Nick was the reason Emily moved to Florida, but she was sworn to secrecy. Now that it was out in the open, she wanted to confront the topic, but the crushed look on Nick’s face forced her to carefully evaluate her words before actually speaking.

“Nick… She never regretted that decision.”

He looked up. “You knew?” He asked, completely surprised.

“Yea, I knew. I wanted to tell you so badly but I promised her I never would. I couldn’t, Nick. I’m sorry.”

Nick sighed again, unsure of what to say.

“She loves you, Nick. The way that you dream of being loved, that’s how she loves you. I know she would never take back that choice because for some reason, Nick, she would do anything for you. Up until the last few weeks, you’ve never deserved that from her. At least not in my opinion, but she would never deny you of anything. Her parents,” she paused again, thinking of how to phrase her analysis, “they’re strange people. They get these ideas in their heads and fail to see the flaws in their words. I don’t know if they’ll change their minds, but she left them for you for a reason. That has to mean something to you…”

Nick looked Sam straight in the eyes, “It means everything to me.”


It was now 8:30 and Sam had since left. Nick was contemplating his next actions for the last hour, but finally, he decided that there was no point in fearing his own feelings or Emily’s potential rejection.

“I found something last night. It was from school, when I was in fifth grade. It reminded me of you. I just thought it was strange that all these years later, something from when I was eleven could relate to you and me now. I love this poem, and I want you to hear it, but I need to you to understand it. I know you will; you always do.”

Nick smiled at her as he read the words to the poem.

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd away!

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,
List while I woo thee with soft melody;
Gone are the cares of life's busy throng.

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea,
Mermaids are chaunting the wild lorelie;
Over the streamlet vapors are borne,
Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,
E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea;
Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!


He finished the poem and stared at the angel that lay before him, “I need you to wake up, Em. I need you.”




Beautiful Dreamer
By: Stephen Foster

Communication seemed to be nonexistent in Nick’s life. For the most part, he kept his feelings inside and dealt with his emotions in an emotionless matter. He never felt it necessary to dissect every detail of what he was feeling, whether it was good or bad. He never starved for pity and he hated having to explain himself for how he did feel. The best way to avoid the things he didn’t like was to keep to his self emotionally. He always thought that his plan worked, but now, he was questioning his way of handling his own pains.

Now more than ever Nick needed to communicate. He needed to talk to Emily about everything. He needed to talk to Emily’s parents about what happened. He needed to let the world know that he was in love, and he never wanted anything else for the rest of his life. But he couldn’t. Emily was in a coma, her parents were too bitter, and the world didn’t care. Nick’s whole life was falling apart before his eyes. He spent so much time building up the walls around him to protect himself from pain, he'd had forgotten how to feel. Now, suddenly all he could do was feel. He wanted to talk about what he felt and share what he felt, but he didn’t even know how to do that anymore. Emily was the one person he was always able to vent to, but even if she was awake, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to vent to her about the feelings he had for her.

In addition, he couldn’t help wondering if she would believe him. Nick always accepted Emily’s “I love yous”, but he never returned them. Even when he knew he loved her, he never said it. Commitment was not an option in Nick’s life. He preferred being able to do what he wanted when he wanted without having to answer to anyone. The only problem was that he always seemed to have to answer to Emily. At the end of the day, she was a fan of the Backstreet Boys, and she followed their every move, especially Nick’s. When rumors spread and theories started, she’d be drilling Nick for answers and the truth. She did that because she cared. She wanted to make sure her friend was safe.

Nick never told Emily how much her protection towards him really meant, but it always made him feel like he had someone in his corner. When the whole world was against him, Nick had Emily, and he always knew he could count on her.


The doorbell wouldn’t stop ringing, and the sleeping body was becoming restless. Apparently, whoever wanted to see Nick so badly wasn’t leaving anytime soon. He looked at the clock and groaned in frustration. It was 7:45 in the morning. It must be Emily, he thought, as he got up from his bed wearing only a T-shirt and boxers. At that point, he didn’t care what he was wearing or who saw him. He only cared about answering the door so he could go back to sleep.

As Nick made his way downstairs, the doorbell rang one last time before he finally opened the door. There she stood, looking panicked and worried, but grateful he answered.

“Emily… How did I know it was you?” He smiled at her and opened the door wider, inviting her in. She stepped forward, barely entering his house.

“Nick, we need to talk.”

The way she said the words without even saying “hello” first gave Nick the impression that this would be a serious conversation. For Emily, he would endure the torture of a heart to heart, but not without a proper greeting and some small talk catching up first.

Nick just looked at the girl in front of him, curious about what could have her so worried, but grateful she felt it. He reached out and pulled Emily into his arms and just held her.

“I don’t even get a ‘Hello’?”

“I’m sorry, Nick. It’s just that I really need to talk to you.”

He kept holding her, tighter and tighter with each breath. “You know you can always talk to me. But whatever it is, it can wait a few minutes.” He still held her.

Emily was dying inside. His arms around her felt more right than the air in her lungs. He had never held onto her so tightly and for so long before. She instinctively held on just as tightly and secretly hoped he’d never let go of her, knowing he would.

The moment felt so right. Everything felt right. Nick felt so right. The thoughts that were blazing through Emily’s head made her want to cry. She was there for Nick’s sake, and suddenly, she felt like she needed him more than he would ever need her. Against her will, Nick finally loosened his grasp around Emily’s body. As he did so, he looked down at her and smiled, knowing she was falling even more in love with him. He never meant to instigate the matter, but he did care about her, and sometimes, the only way he felt he could show it was to just hold her so she knew he’d always be there.

“Are you ok, Em? I don’t want you worrying about me. I know something’s on your mind, but I’m okay, so you really don’t have to worry.”

“But Nick, this really isn’t good news. And I’ll always worry about you. I love you. You know that.”

He laughed at her honesty, “I’ll just never know why. Come on…” He led her inside, and they sat down on the couch in his living room, never taking his left arm from her waist.

Emily rested her head on his shoulder and Nick let her. He loved the feelings she provoked in his heart, and the smile she forced on his face. He couldn’t help it. She just made him so happy. It was days like this that reminded Nick of why he treasured his friendship with Emily, even though he rarely admitted it.

“You know I hate doing stuff like this, but tell me what’s going on. I don’t want you getting ulcers worrying about me,” he joked.

She looked up into his eyes, knowing everything was untrue. All the rumors, all the accusations, all the negative media surrounding him; it was all untrue.

Finally though, she spoke up, “It’s about your ex-girlfriend…”

Nick laughed at Emily’s attempt to avoid the name. “Paris?”

Bitterly she replied, “Yea… her. You know about all the rumors going around, don’t you?”

Worriedly, he looked into Emily’s eyes, “Yea, I’ve heard them. But that’s all they are, Em, just rumors. You know I’d never do that.”

“I know…” she trailed off, wondering what she should say. She didn’t believe that Nick would ever hit a girl, but for some reason, she needed to hear it from him. “I guess I just wanted to make sure.”

He smiled, knowing she cared, “I know.” He stared into her eyes deeply, “I didn’t do it. I never would and you know that. You know me, Em. I would never do that to a girl.”

“I know, Nick. I really do, and I really do believe you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Everyone needs a friend sometimes.”

She kept making him smile, “I always have a friend.” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

Emily blushed, and she knew it. He was acting so perfect and she didn’t want it to end. As much as she liked it, though, she wondered what was causing his sudden abundance of affection. After all, she had woken him up before the afternoon arrived, so there was no way his morning was “good”. Her curiosity got the best of her.

“Nick, you know I love how you’re acting right now, but what’s going on? You’re never like this; not with me at least.” She looked into his eyes, scared of how he’d react but desperate to know what was going on inside of his heart. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

“I’m positive,” he assured her, still smiling. “I’m just really happy to know I have a friend that cares about me so much that she comes rushing over to my house early in the morning just to know that I’m okay. It’s a nice feeling.”

Emily wasn’t sure what surprised her more, Nick’s honesty or his sincerity. Either way, they were both happy to be together, knowing each cared for the other when no one else did, and they always would.


Nick spent the next week doing exactly what he had done the previous weeks. Every day, he spent his time from eleven in the morning to nine at night with Emily. He would talk to her and smile at her, and watch her sleep. He was there for her when no one else was. When additional visitors came, such as Sam or the other Boys, Nick would do his best to keep them informed and up-to-date on her condition, and for the most part, he took full responsibility of her life while she lay helplessly in an unfair coma.

For the first time in Nick’s life, he selflessly devoted himself to someone and never questioned why or regretted a moment of his time spent worrying about Emily. With all the time he had available to spend thinking, it had begun to occur to Nick that he had been in love with Emily for a long time. He just never realized it. But when he really thought about it, he couldn’t find any rational argument against the theory. He was happiest with Emily, she made him feel more comfortable than anything else, he treasured her friendship, he trusted her like no other, she always made him smile, and for some reason, when Nick hurt Emily, it hurt him just as much. She was the one person that actually affected his heart and could cause him pain. Emily had always been in love with Nick, and now it seemed Nick had always been in love with Emily as well.

The frustration Nick was beginning to feel was overwhelming. He wanted to tell Emily everything that had processed through his mind in the last three weeks. He needed her to know that he was changing and would keep changing until she was satisfied with who he had become.

Right now, Nick was living for Emily, and for the most part, she didn’t even know it.

Ring
Please answer, Nick thought to himself as he stood outside the hospital, hoping one of Emily’s parents would pick up the phone. He needed desperately to talk to them so he could try and fix the trouble he had unintentionally caused. Unfortunately though, her parents had been avoiding his calls like the plague. He thought that calling from a different number might give him a better chance, so he tried from his cell phone this time. Still, the outcome wasn’t looking good. The phone had rung at least six times, and he still had no answer. Nick was about to lose hope and hang up when suddenly he heard a weary voice on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Mrs. Gasio?” Nick asked knowingly.

“Yes, it is,” she said sounding confused. “Who is this?”

“This is Nick, Emily’s friend.”

There was silence. Neither spoke. Neither knew what to say, but it was Mrs. Gasio’s turn to talk, and Nick was plenty willing to wait for her response. After several moments, she finally spoke up.

“Oh yes, h…how are you?” She apprehensively stuttered.

“I’m okay, but that’s not what I’m worried about.”

“I know,” she paused again. She wanted to talk to Nick and find out everything she could, but she was still so angry, so bitter. She felt that her only daughter had betrayed her, and thinking differently was proven to be difficult.

“I really think you guys should be here,” Nick finally spoke up, trying to make the conversation easier for both of them.

“You wouldn’t understand, Nick. You just couldn’t.”

“Yes I could. I could because she feels the same betrayal towards me. I never meant for that to happen, just like she didn’t, but it did. You can’t just run because you’re mad.”

“You did. You ran because you were scared, and she followed you,” the truth was always difficult to accept, and when it came to hurting Emily, it was even harder for Nick.

“I know I did. I’m not denying I did. I fucked up big time. I realize that, and I understand that. But I’m here now, and you’re not. I’m trying to make things right, or at least as right as they could ever be. You’re still running.”

The conversation had taken an unexpected rout and Nick was beginning to feel awkward. He had no intentions of lecturing the mother of the girl he loved, but her cluelessness was beginning to frustrate him to no end. Nick couldn’t understand how they could sit back and do nothing when their daughter was dying little by little. Though he may have made some horrible mistakes, and he may have let her down time after time, he never completely abandoned Emily. No matter what, though the distance may have been massive, he was still always there. That was more than her parents could say.
Mrs. Gasio remained silent, knowing Nick was right, but refusing to admit it. Hoping to avoid another failure, Nick hopelessly continued on.

“I made a lot of mistakes with Emily. I let her down more than anyone else on the planet. I was an asshole, and I took advantage of her devotion, and I was wrong. I know that now. But she needs me now, and I’m there now. When your husband left that message on my machine; that was the first time I heard that Emily moved to Florida for me. I really and honestly had no idea she did that. She told me it was for her job. Why should I have thought any differently? If I had known…” He trailed off, and was soon interrupted.

“Why wasn’t our daughter good enough for you?”

The question hit Nick like a ton of bricks. He never considered Emily as being “not good enough”, but he’d also never considered her in opposition. He was speechless, attempting to determine if at some point he had refused consideration of Emily because of status.

Out of no where, the voice cut into his thoughts.

“Nick, why wasn’t our daughter good enough for you? Why wasn’t her love enough? You took her from us and never even made it worth it. A blind man could see her undying love for you. Why wasn’t that enough?”

Sounding broken, he quietly replied, “It was. It always was. She was always more than enough. She was too good. And I just wasn’t ready for that.”

“Are you ready now? Is that why you’re doing this? Is that what you’re hoping to get out of this?”

“No,” he felt so defeated, but continued with his answer, “I’m doing this because she’s my friend, and she needs me. I don’t want anything in return. In fact, I wouldn’t even be surprised if when she wakes up, she refuses to talk to me …and I wouldn’t blame her. Whatever happens between us, it will be my fault. I accept that. If she pushes me away, I deserve it.”

“So you want more than just a friendship with my daughter?” Nick couldn’t tell if her voice was curious or bitter, but he knew honesty was his only choice.

“Yes, but I’m not gonna push the issue. If it happens, it happens and I’ll be the best I could possibly be for her. But that’s not what I’m worried about right now. Right now all I care about his Emily’s health, and her parents forgiving her for falling in love with a jerk. You guys really need to be here. It’s not fair to her.”

“Right now, Nick, we aren’t ready for this. We have issues we need to resolve before we can forgive her. I know you don’t understand, and I don’t expect you to, but we’re comfortable knowing you’re there, and she’s taken care of. When we feel that it’s right, we’ll be there.”
Nick heard the click of the phone, and the conversation was over. He didn’t get the results he was looking for, but at least he made progress, and that was all he could truly ask for.


“Why does everything I do have to be so difficult?” Nick was feeling hopeless again. Even though he was finally able to talk to one of Emily’s parents, he was still disappointed that he couldn’t convince them to travel to Florida to see their comatose daughter. The severity of it all made Nick wonder how the choice could be so hard for any person, let alone parents. Luckily though, over the last few weeks, Nick and Sam had become much closer than they were before, and he was always able to vent his frustrations to her.

“You said it yourself Nick, nothing good ever comes easy. She doesn’t care when you fail, you know?”

“What?” Nick asked, unsure of what Sam had meant.

“You could fail at everything you do, and Emily wouldn’t care. What matters to her is that you tried. I don’t think that will change.”

“I think I might be the one exception.”

“What do you mean?”

“I messed up way too many times to get the slack of ‘trying is enough’. I could try and be a better person, but if I fail, she’ll never forgive me. Right now, her forgiveness is all I’ve got going for me, and I don’t even have it. I feel like I’m falling apart.”

Nick’s confession seemed to come from no where, yet it steered Sam in the right direction in terms of Nick’s emotional state of mind. While he had been much more open minded about talking and sharing his feelings, admittance was still only borderline. He continuously kept most of his thoughts and feelings to himself, and refused to show the effects everything had caused. In some ways, Nick was much more emotional, but at the same time, he was a lot more emotionless. He shared more, but it was more of the little stuff. The things inside that really hurt and really made him want to break down he kept to himself. Now, though, he had admitted to feeling helpless and falling, and Sam wondered if she would be able to help him through the hardest times of his life. This was always Emily’s job, and now Sam was left to conquer a wall built up miles high, without even knowing how to get there.

“It’s ok that you feel that way, Nick.”

“I don’t want to feel this way,” he wanted to cry, but refused. “I want this to all end. I want it to be over. I feel like I’m being punished and it’s never gonna end. And it’s all at her expense. This isn’t fair to Emily. I should be in the coma!” Nick was nearly yelling. The anger within him had become so intense that he was finding it difficult to control. He wanted to yell and scream and just let it all out, but at the end of the day, he knew he’d still be miserably alone, with everything he ever wanted lying silently next to him.

“Nick…” Sam desperately wanted to help him, but she didn’t know how. She didn’t know what she could say to comfort him. She didn’t know Nick well enough, and she didn’t want to say the wrong things. But still, she tried her best, and hoped that it would be enough.

“I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too. I may not be in love with her, but I do love her. She’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose her any more than you do. You just have to stay strong, because you’ve been so strong throughout all of this. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be able to go through all this alone.” Sam’s confessions were surprising to Nick. “I’m really glad you’re here. Selfishly, I’m glad. Emily needs you so bad right now and you’re always here; always. But in some ways, I need you too, because I could never handle all of this as well as you. I know this is hard, Nick, but just hang in there. I think it will be worth it in the end. I think you’ll end up so happy…”

“That’s not what I’m worried about, Sam.”

“I know, Nick. I know it’s not. But you will, and she will too. You guys are so meant for each other. She needs you just as bad as you need her. Just don’t give up, Nick.”

“I won’t. I promise I won’t. I’ll never give up on her for the rest of my life.”

Nick was in love with Emily. There was no hiding it, and no denying it. He was in love with her, and all he wanted was to tell her.

Another week had painfully gone by. Emily’s parents still refused to make the trip to Florida to see their daughter and had only called Nick once to see how she was doing. Emily’s condition had shown no signs of improvement, and she had given no indication of waking up. Nick was breaking down more and more every day. He spent most of his nights secretly crying out his pains, discouraged that he could still do nothing for Emily. Sam kept hoping. She hoped that Emily would recover and that Nick would make it through the days. Most of the time, she wondered how he got up in the morning and put himself through such intense amounts of pain. Every time he walked into her room and saw Emily lying on her bed, still and quiet, another part of his heart achingly died.

Oblivious to his own destruction, Kevin, Brian, Howie, and A.J. had begun spending more and more time communicating with Nick. They made more phone calls, and made more trips to his house late at night. They took turns visiting the hospital to see how Emily was, and to make sure that Nick was still fighting. The look of sheer defeat in his eyes scared everyone around him, and he was totally unaware. Amongst the small group of friends he now had supporting him, the common feeling of fear was overwhelming. His four friends, as well as Sam, wondered every day if Nick would completely break down and give up. No one ever seemed to know what to say to the broken man to make him see a light at the end of the tunnel.

He spent so much time in Emily’s hospital room watching over her, trying to protect her that he had begun to drive himself insane. Though his intentions were pure and honest, the torture he put himself through to support his friend was beyond toleration. The person who seemed the most worried by Nick’s state of mind was A.J. He spent the most time talking to Nick and supporting him.

He went out of his way to make sure Nick was alone as little as possible. He knew the consequences of depression, pain, and hopelessness, so he did everything he could to prevent Nick from traveling the same mistaken paths he once took years earlier.


A.J. walked into the hospital room to find Nick sitting in a chair in front of the window, slightly angled towards Emily, but mostly facing the door. He had his hands interlocked, and he sat motionless, staring down at the ground in a trans-like state of mind, wearing a hat to hide the emotion. He looked solemn and hurt. He was covered with pain and anguish. A.J. could only wonder what was going through the troubled young man’s mind, but whatever it was, he knew it couldn’t be anything good.

“Hey, Nick,” A.J. said somewhat quietly, trying not to startle him while attempting to gain Nick’s attention.

Nick looked up, grateful to see his friend standing before him. “A.J.? What’s up, man?”

A.J. walked over and set a chair just in front of Nick. He sat down, observing the worn appearance of his friend.

“Not too much. How you are doing?”

Nick sighed, unhappy with his state of mind. “I feel like shit.”

“You look like shit,” A.J. informed Nick, evoking the slightest smile on his face.

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Nick joked, but couldn’t laugh.

A.J. wanted to talk to Nick and get him to open up, but as the pointless conversation went on, he realized he had no idea how to start such a deep discussion. Nick was not an easy person to deal with, especially when he was in an unstable frame of mind. Though he had managed to stay away from drugs and alcohol as a means of escape, he was still very troubled. A.J. knew all too well, though, that bottling up every last emotion would only wreak havoc within time, so he made it a priority to help Nick as much as he could, whether Nick wanted it or not.

“How are you feeling inside? What are you keeping hidden?” A.J.’s question was blunt, and Nick looked surprised.

“What do you mean what am I keeping inside? I’m not hiding anything,” Nick insisted, knowing full well he was lying and A.J. didn’t believe him.

“You’re hiding everything inside. That’s okay, Nick. I understand. I really, really do. But you have to let it out eventually. Nothing good comes from storing that shit inside. You need to talk, and I want to listen. Do yourself a favor and talk now, before it’s too late.”

“…too late for what?”

“For you. I did the same thing, Nick. Remember where it got me? Stop it before it starts.”

“No offense, but I’m not gonna end up like you, A.J. I know better.”

“I knew better, too. It’s not always that easy. It’s okay to talk about this stuff, you know? I’m not gonna judge you. I just want to help you before you completely fall apart.”

“I’m fine, man. Don’t worry about me. Worry about Emily.” Nick was getting irritated by the relentless pressure, but he knew his friend was only trying to help.

“I am worrying about her. But I’d be willing to bet if she saw you like this, she’d be worrying about you a whole lot more than I am. Do you really want her to wake up to a man that’s broken and defeated because he couldn’t handle what was going on around him? When she wakes up, she’s gonna need someone strong. You can’t let yourself go like this, man. She needs you. You’re all she’s got.”

“I’m not,” Nick said ashamed. “I’m the one who always let her down, remember?”

“Yea, I do. I remember you letting her down then, but what about now? What about the last month? You haven’t even come close to letting her down.”

“I feel like I have.”

Finally, Nick was opening up. A.J. was making progress, and with a little more pushing, he’d have Nick letting every demon he harbored inside escape him.

“Why though? What more can you do for her, Nick?”

“I don’t know, A.J. I wish I knew. Because whatever I’m not doing, or haven’t done is the reason she won’t wake up.”

“Nick,” A.J. stopped and looked at Nick, knowing he was completely serious. “There’s nothing you can do or say that will make her wake up. For your sake, I wish it was that easy. But it’s not, man, and you can’t rip yourself apart inside thinking you’re not doing enough. You’re doing more than anyone.”

“I wish I could do more, though,” he confessed, feeling his faith subside.

“We all wish we could do more. Nick, I want her to wake up just so you guys can be together. You guys need each other. I still don’t understand how you stayed apart all this time, but I know she’ll turn to you when she wakes up. She trusts you, and when she finds out what you’ve done for her, she’ll count on you again.”

“I’m really afraid I’ll let her down. I would hate myself a million times over if I ever hurt her like I did in the past. But I don’t know how to be the person she needs me to be.”

“Just be the person you are right now, only happier.”

Nick accidentally let a small smile cross his face. He knew he had been living in a state of deep depression and it had worried the people around him, but until Emily was awake, there was no way he’d overcome the lock it had over his mentality.

“I can’t be happy until she’s ok. I know that might be hard to understand, but I just can’t feel good when she’s so bad. I just want her to wake up.”

“I understand, Nick. I know this is really hard for you, but you’ve been handling it very maturely, and I know it sounds corny, but I’m really proud of you. She will be too. However long it takes, you just have to wait it out, and eventually she’ll come back to you.”

Nick’s face suddenly contorted into a look of complete despair.

Quietly he asked, “What if she doesn’t? What if I messed up too many times before, and now she can’t trust me enough to give me one last chance?”

“Nick-,” he was cute off.

“A.J., I couldn’t handle it if she did that. I can’t live without her. Everything good in me is because of her. I can’t lose her, man. I can’t.”

“I honestly, honestly don’t think that will happen. Even if she pushes you away at first, she still loves you more than anything. She’ll come back, Nick. You just have to show her you aren’t going anywhere.”

“I’m not. I never will; never again.”

Finally, A.J. was able to clearly see where Nick’s demons lay. They were in his heart, right where Emily should be. The fear of losing her even after waking up was haunting his every thought. Unfortunately, there was no way to help Nick through this nightmare. The only person that could save Nick from himself was Emily, and she still needed to wake up.

“I can’t believe you won backstage passes!”

“I know! This is the coolest thing to ever happen to me. I never though I’d actually get to meet the Backstreet Boys!”

“Emily, you have to be the luckiest person on the planet. Thanks so much for bringing me with!”

“You’re welcome, Meg. But seriously, who else would I take? You’re my best BSB friend!”

The two girls laughed, knowing their similar choice in music was one of the few things they had in common. They stood in line, waiting for the Boys to enter the meet and greet room. There were only twenty people allowed in, as the contest was a special promotion. The two girls linked only by a music group waited anxiously for their dreams to come true.

Finally, after waiting for what seemed like forever, the doors opened and the five singers walked in.


Nick remembered the moment like it was yesterday. As he spent another long day in the hospital, his mind wandered between past and present.


Instantly, Emily’s eyes locked with the tall blonde man who was last to enter. She never favored one member over the other, but for some reason, he was stealing her breath away. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of him.

The wait to have her time with the Boys seemed to take forever, but finally, it was Emily's and Meg’s turn to meet their idols. Slowly, they made their way down the line, taking a few moments to meet each member individually. They participated in small talk, and Emily was pleasantly surprised by their sincerity and politeness.

Before she knew it, she was standing in front of the man that seemed to captivate her attention in the most unknown ways. She didn’t know what to say, but she wanted to say something.

“Hi,” she squeaked out.

Nick smiled at her bashful attempt to make conversation. The stranger that stood before him released a glow of sincerity that sparked his interest.

“Hi, I’m Nick.”

He reached out to shake her hand.

“I’m Emily. It’s really nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” his smile beamed at her, and he wondered what it was about this girl that made him want to know more. “Did you want something signed?”

“I did, but for some reason, it just doesn’t seem important anymore.”


The start of Nick and Emily’s friendship was so unexpected that to this day, they both still wonder how it ever happened. After exchanging numbers that night, Nick kept in touch with Emily fairly often, and as their friendship grew, and their trust built, their time spent together became more frequent. Nick took Emily out on tour with him several times, and he would often fly out to visit her in the beginning. Whenever he was in town, he would set aside time to visit her.

They talked on the phone frequently, and Nick quickly learned that Emily was someone he could depend on. At some point, though, Nick began to take his friendship with Emily for granted. They went from being best friends that trusted each other completely to two people who hurt each other more than anything else. It saddened Nick knowing that the turn in their relationship was completely his fault, but at the same time, there was nothing he could do about it anymore.


The weeks passed and Nick’s devotion maintained, but his hope faltered. He thought Emily would have woken up by now, and he wondered what was making her remain unconscious. He still couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t doing enough; if he was missing something. All he wanted was the smallest hint, but there was no way to get one. He had no lifelines in this game, and he was all alone.

He watched her breathing, wondering what the point was. She was leaving him, and with no explanation. She was giving up, and letting the world pull her under. Maybe she was in too deep, but to Nick, that was no reason to give up. She had to know that he would be there for her. She had to know that he spent every single day in her room, watching for her eyes to open.

Why wasn’t that enough? Even Nick was now wondering what more he could possibly do for her, and the more he thought about it, the more hopeless he began to feel.

Nick had been sitting in Emily’s room with these discouraging thoughts flooding through his head for so long that he felt like he was going to explode inside. Out of no where, he got up and walked out of her room. He wasn’t sure what he was doing or where he was going, but he knew he couldn’t be in there anymore. Thinking of Emily leaving him had taken its toll on Nick’s state of mind, and he needed to run from it all.

So, he left, and he just kept walking. The hospital was huge, and the distance he could cover without any particular destination in mind was endless. He walked and walked and walked, aimlessly turning left here, and right there. He took stairwells that were typically unused, and hallways that were completely abandoned. As he continued to walk, he stumbled upon the cafeteria. Despite spending every day for the last six weeks in the hospital, he had never actually gone to the lower level of the hospital, even for food.

Suddenly feeling a sense of hunger, he entered the giant room and looked around confused. Though the process of ordering food was no stranger to Nick, the fact that he had left Emily was still tugging at his mind. He wondered if he had a right to be away from her, but he also wondered if he could handle sitting in her room any longer.

After concluding the time away was the best thing for both of them, Nick decided to order some food, and quickly found a seat at an empty table. As he ate, the same thoughts of defeat controlled his mind. Nick thought of all he had sacrificed for Emily, and while he didn’t regret it, and wanted nothing in return, he couldn’t help but wonder why his life wasn’t enough. The irony of it all amused him, yet it frustrated him in the most conquering ways.

All Nick wanted was for Emily to wake up. He considered that his own selfishness had something to do with her weakend state, but at the same time, Emily would gain more form Nick’s wants than Nick ever would. Just because she woke up didn’t mean she would be obligated to give him a second thought, though it would give her a second chance at life.

As Nick considered his enlightenment towards the situation, the strangest feelings began to overcome his body. He was angry at Emily. He was angry that she wasn’t giving in and that he wasn’t enough. He was angry that his actions seemed to mean nothing to her, and she was pushing him away with her refusal to wake up. He was angry that she wasn’t letting him make things up to her. He was completely and sincerely angry at Emily, and he didn’t care.

Suddenly, Nick felt his body rise from the chair, unaware of what had even lifted him up. He found himself walking forcefully, as though he had a purpose, but he was unsure of what it was. His momentum continued to pull him forward as he followed the directions on the walls to the main floors. With each step, his pace began to quicken until he was suddenly running.

He ran down the hall with a passion that was untouchable. He dodged every person that threatened his journey, lunging to evade any collisions. Nick ran and kept running until he found himself standing in front of Emily’s door again. He remembered his first trip to the hospital and how he feared the trip to her room. Now, he was drawn to her residence like magnets opposite each other. The only problem was he was still full of anger.

Anger was the pulling force in Nick’s need to be with Emily. He was scared because he knew the moment he entered her room, his newly attained feelings would spew out of him in the most uncontrollable ways. Still, he felt his patience with Emily had lasted long enough, and if she was going to give up on him, he was going to tell her exactly how he felt about it before it was too late.

Hesitantly but purposefully, Nick entered the room. He stood in front of Emily and stared. He felt bad for her, yet he didn’t. It wasn’t her fault she was in a coma, but it was her fault she wasn’t coming out of it. The life she always wanted with the man she always loved was standing right before her, and that wasn’t enough.

Feeling completely out of control of his own thoughts, Nick began to vent his emotions.

“I’ll never be good enough for you! Nothing I do will ever be enough!” He was yelling, but he didn’t mean to. “I’ve sacrificed my life just so you don’t have to be alone and that’s not enough. I’ve become completely depressed and miserable over you and that’s not enough. I’ve completely fallen apart; I’ve broken down; I’ve spilled my guts to you, and that’s not enough! What more do you want from me?! What more could I possibly do to convince you that waking up is worth it?!”

He had begun pacing around the small, open area of her room. He was so angry he wanted to put his fist through the wall, but he refrained, knowing it would solve nothing. He hated himself for yelling at her, but he didn’t know what else to do. Being supportive wasn’t working, and anger was all that seemed to be left.

“Emily, I hate yelling at you like this but I don’t know what else to do. You’re giving up on me! What am I supposed to do? I’ve been there for you. I wrote a song straight from my heart for you! What else is left?”

Frustrated, Nick forcefully sat down in his chair and dropped his head, supporting it with his right hand. He sat their quietly, regretting his previous actions, yet thankful he was brave enough to admit how felt. The realism of his words was worth the risk he took. He knew that Emily always preferred reality to charm, but he could only hope it was enough.

Nick continued to sit in his chair, motionless and expressionless. Sam made her routine visit and was quickly shut out by Nick who had been in no mood to explain himself. Feeling uncomfortable and not wanting to push the issue, Sam cut her visit short and left after only twenty minutes.

Nick still didn’t move. His position was exactly the same as it was when he first sat down three hours earlier. He wanted to cry. He was feeling so much anger and pain inside of his heart that he didn’t know how to cope with it. Worst of all, he now felt that he had added more reason to apologize to Emily to his list. He had been so ruthless towards her that day that the guilt had begun to haunt his mind again.

Wanting nothing more than to reassure himself of Emily’s comfort, he slightly adjusted his head and looked towards her resting body. The piercing eyes that glared back at him sent chills up and down Nick’s spine.

He was unsure of how to react and unsure if he was actually seeing correctly. He quickly sat up from his slouched position to take a better look. The eyes kept glaring, and Nick was unsure of how to read them, but they were definitely open. He noticed his mouth was hanging open in disbelief, and he quickly closed it, hoping it went unnoticed.

Nick’s mind was now racing faster than he could keep up with, millions of questions fighting to be first. Out of no where, though, a single word flew out of his mouth.

“Emily?”

The slightest smile, hardly even noticeable, crossed her face.

She was awake.

You’re awake?” Nick asked the still body in complete shock.

Instinctively, he got up and walked over to the right side of her bed, the Teddy bear he bought her weeks earlier still by her side. He squatted down next to her, leveling himself to her resting position. He was scared. He wasn’t sure how to act. He didn’t know if she even remembered him, and he wasn’t sure what to say. He reached over and put his hand on hers, gripping it tightly, but not too tight.

“Nick?” The broken voice barely croaked out sounding slightly puzzled.

He smiled, happy she remembered him, “Yea,” his smiled widened, “yea, it’s me.”

Neither knew what to say. Emily was still clueless to what had happened, and Nick was so overjoyed that his mind was racing out of control again. He had so much he wanted to say to her and so many questions he wanted to ask that he didn’t know where to begin.

The worried side of Nick eventually took over, and Emily’s wellbeing became all that he truly cared about.

“Are you ok? Do you need me to get you anything?”

She smiled again, surprised by his generosity, “I’m fine, Nick,” she quietly said, her voice still crackly from going unused for so long. “What happened?”

He looked at her, saddened by the memories, “You were in an accident. You were hit by a drunk driver and you’ve been in a coma.”

“How long?”

“Six weeks.”

Emily’s eyes widened as the time frame registered in her mind. She couldn’t believe she had been unconscious for so long. She wanted to go berserk at the realization of losing so much of her life, but when she thought about it, she knew there was nothing she could do to change what happened.

“Why are you here?”

The question threw Nick off guard. He knew Emily would be surprised to see him, but he didn’t think her way of expressing it would be so heartless. He didn’t want to retaliate in a hostile way, but her comment had hurt him.

Instead of allowing an otherwise happy moment to turn ugly, Nick simply stated a fact and hoped it would make a positive impression on Emily.

“I’ve been here every day since the second day you were here, from 11:00am to 9:00pm.”

Nick’s answer surprised Emily. It made her happy that he seemed to care that much, but it also made her suspicious.

“Really?” She asked sounding amazed.

“Yea, really. Em, I was here for you like you needed me to be.” Nick looked here in the eyes so she knew he was serious. “I don’t ever want to let you down again.”

He stopped, contemplating his next move. Nick wanted nothing more than to confess his love for her right then and there, but he had a feeling the moment was far from right. Instead, he just stared at her and wondered what she was thinking.

Emily stared back, not knowing what to say. She was thankful, but she didn’t feel that that would have an impact. She was also in disbelief and she didn’t want to insult him. Neither knew what to say. Nick sensed the awkward feelings starting to mount and quickly attempted to continue the conversation.

“I’m so glad you’re awake, Emily. I was starting to go crazy. I felt so helpless.”

Her disbelief got the best of her and out of no where, Emily asked, “You were really here that much?”

“Every day, Em. You can ask Sam if you don’t believe me.”

“Sam hates you,” she informed him.

Nick couldn’t help but laugh. He knew Sam didn’t care for him in the passed, but he didn’t know her unfriendly feelings towards him were that strong.

Proudly, Nick informed Emily, “Nah, we’re ok. We might actually be friends.”

The look on Emily’s face was priceless to Nick. It was complete shock and disbelief. Those words were in that order was something Emily never thought she would encounter.

“I’m not sure I believe that.”

“Well, you’ll just have to ask her when she gets here.”

“I think I will.” She paused. Emily remembered all the times she cried because of Nick, but for some reason, waking up and seeing his face seemed to make reality a bit more comforting. “I’m really glad you’re here, Nick. I feel bad because I never would have expected it, but,” she paused again, “I guess it just makes me happy.”

Nick smiled, feeling like he had done something right for the first time in his life. “That’s all I care about, Em. You’re happiness.”

They smiled at each other, and the moment was right.


As soon as the doctors were informed that Emily was awake, they came rushing in, checking everything they could and running more tests than Nick knew existed. He felt so bad for Emily because he knew she hated hospitals and anything related to medical procedures. He stayed by her side through it all, holding her hand and supporting her in every way. The night was long, but this time, Nick refused to leave.

“Nick, visiting hours are over. I’m sorry, but you really can’t stay here,” Janet explained.

“Janet, she just woke up. Can’t you make an exception this one time. I don’t want to leave her all by herself.”

Emily listened to Nick’s plea, smiling as he impressed her with his sincerity.

“You know something? I wouldn’t normally make this exception, but I know how you feel about her, so I’ll keep my mouth shut, but just this once.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Nick reached out and hugged Janet excitedly.

He ran into Emily’s room. She was curious about what the nurse had meant by her reasoning. Feeling too tired to question it she just ignored the fact that she heard anything unusual and watched Nick as he happily entered the room.

“I’m spending the night!” He exclaimed.

His excitement reminded her of a little kid, and she missed seeing him like that more often.

“Where are you gonna sleep?” She asked curiously.

“I don’t know. I don’t care. Where ever I happen to fall asleep. Just as long as I’m with you,” he smiled at her.

Emily’s suspicion towards Nick’s actions began to increase, but at the same time, she liked it. She wanted to be angry at him for hurting her before, and she wanted to banish him from her life, but for some reason, she couldn’t. While she was unsure of how she now felt about him, she was still sure that she wanted him in her life, one way or another.

“Nick?”

“Yea?”

“When did you start caring so much?”

The question left Nick puzzled. He wasn’t sure how to answer it sincerely without telling her too much. He hesitated and thought about his answer carefully before speaking.

“I always cared about you, Emily. You have to know that much. But …When Sam left that message for me, telling me what happened, I thought I was gonna fall apart. The thought of losing you, it killed me inside. I know I haven’t been perfect; hell, I’ve been the biggest ass on the planet to you, and I made so many mistakes, but Emily, I care about you so much. I always have.”

Nick realized what was happening and he questioned if he should let things go that far. For some reason though, he couldn’t stop himself from opening up to her. He waited so long to tell her how he felt, and he didn’t want to risk missing the opportunity.

“You never showed it before. All those years, Nick, I was there for you when no one else was, and it never seemed like I meant anything to you. I know what happened to me was probably hard on you, but I guess I just don’t think that should be the only reason you suddenly care about me.”

Nick sighed, knowing she was right, but completely wrong.

“I’ve always cared about you, Em. I know I never acted like it, but I always felt it. Your accident, it didn’t make me care about you any more or any less. It just made me realize how much I already did care.” He stared in her eyes, something he rarely did in the passed. “Em, I would do anything for you. I would go anywhere for you. I would completely change myself just to see you smile. I tried every day to take your pain away, and every day I failed. I never gave up, though. Your happiness and your safety and wellbeing are all that’s really important to me. I know it might seem hard for you to believe, because for you it’s like you went to sleep and woke up to a completely different Nick, but, when it comes down to the bottom line, to me, all that matters is how strongly I feel about you. Emily, I love you.”

Nick refused to break his eye contact with her. He didn’t want to make her think he was bluffing or unsure of his feelings. He stared at her deeply, waiting to see how she reacted or what she would say. Her eyes seemed to vanish in his, and the shock of Nick’s confession came crashing down like a ton of bricks. Emily didn’t know how to react to Nick, but she knew she didn’t like what she heard. Even though he had just said the only three words she ever wanted to hear from him, the circumstances left her nothing but doubt.

“Nick…”

He cut her off, “Em, I know what you’re thinking. You don’t even have to say it. Trust me, I know. Even though in my head I’ve said this to you a thousand times, and every time you’re response was the same, I still don’t know what I could say to make you believe me. All I can do is prove it.” He kept staring at her, his confessions gradually detailing themselves. “I don’t even know how to do that, but I’ll figure it out. Em, everyone around me has been accusing me of loving you-“

This time she cut him off, “and you’ve been denying it?”

He sighed again, feeling frustrated that she didn’t understand. “Yes and no. I haven’t bee admitting it, but I never denied it.”

“Why, though? If you really mean it, why wouldn’t you admit it? Why is it so hard for you to admit if it’s true, Nick?”

“Emily, it isn’t hard for me to admit. I didn’t even want to tell you right now but it was so hard for me to not tell you… I just couldn’t wait.”

“Then why didn’t you admit it before?”

“To who?”

“Whoever brought it up?”

“Because they weren’t you, Em. I wanted you to be the first to hear it. Not everyone else,” he’s arms waved sporadically as he gestured to emphasize his point.

“Nick,” Emily softly continued, “I really don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what happened to you or what is and isn’t real to you. It’s just that, right now, I don’t think I can believe you. The last time I talked to you was months ago, and I don’t even remember the last time I saw you. Now you’re in love with me? I’m sorry, Nick. I just can’t take that risk right now. I just can’t.”

“I’m not mad at you for feeling that way, Em. Please don’t think I am. I expected you to react this way. It’s fine. We’ll deal with this another time. Right now, all I really want to do is be your friend.”

She smiled at him, grateful for his sincerity, as he reached over and wrapped his arms around her body. His hug was so tight around her frame she was afraid she’d break. Nick’s arms always felt so right, and despite everything that had happened, this did not change. She didn’t want him to let go, but she knew he would. He always did.

"Saaaaam!” Nick yelled out as she entered the room.

“You’re awfully hap- Oh my God! Emily!” As Sam looked at her friend, seeing her eyes open and her face smiling, she nearly passed out. “You’re awake? You’re seriously awake? Oh my God!” She looked at Nick angrily, “Why didn’t you call me?!”

Nick laughed as he dodged her swat, “I wanted you to be surprised.”

“I can’t believe it! Oh my God! How are you? Are you okay? Has Nick been bothering you?”

“Hey!” He interjected.

Emily laughed, “I’m fine Sam, and Nick’s been pretty close to perfect,” Nick flashed a cheesy grin and batted his eyes shamelessly. Sam and Emily both rolled their eyes at him, enjoying his upbeat personality.

Suddenly, Emily looked at Sam in the most serious way ever. The mood in the room seemed to drop, and the feeling of happiness faded. After much anticipation of Emily’s thoughts, she finally spoke, “Sam, was Nick really in my room every day?”

Nick beamed a smile proudly.

Sam replied, “Every single day, Em. I swear, I don’t think he ever really left.”

“I didn’t last night!”

“What? I thought visiting hours ended at nine?”

Nick raised his eyebrows up and down in a flirtatious manner, “Yea well, I kind of swooned nurse Janet into letting me spend the night.”

“I guess some things never change!” Emily exclaimed while laughing at her friend.

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Nick asked curiously.

“Not a thing, Nick. Not a thing.”

“I see you two are getting along quite well,” Sam informed them with a hint of surprise in her voice. While Nick had been the most supportive friend towards Emily while she was in her coma, the fact that they weren’t on the best of terms beforehand was difficult to ignore. Sam was well aware of the pain that Nick had caused Emily in the past, and her ability to mask her true feelings worried Sam. It was unclear if Emily still had bitter feelings towards Nick, but in the meantime, she was acting as if nothing bad had ever happened between them.

“Well, I guess when I woke up and the first thing I saw was his face it became kind of hard to be or stay mad at him.”

“Told you!” Sam exclaimed, leaving both Nick and Emily clueless.

“Told me what?”

“I told you that if you didn’t give up, she wouldn’t either.”

“You guys were talking about me?” Emily asked in a comedic manner, attempting to break the awkward tension that had just developed out of no where.

Nick smiled warmly, “Of course we did, Emily.”

She smiled back, wondering when he became so perfect. Emily was just now realizing how different Nick was. It was no exaggeration that she had gone to sleep to one man and woken up to another. While she liked the Nick that stood before her, something felt altered within his personality. She believed his sincerity, and she even considered believing his confession, but she also felt that Nick was hiding something deep within, and as long as he hid it, she wouldn’t completely trust him with her heart, friends or more.

“You know what, I’m gonna go call the other guys and tell them you’re awake. They’ve all been really worried about you and I’m sure they want to come and visit.”

“Okay, Nick,” he reached down to hug her tightly, “thanks for everything.”

He looked her in the eyes, “You’re welcome, Em.”

He smiled at her once more and left the room.

“I’m kind of glad he left,” Sam sad pointedly.

“Why? I thought you two were becoming friends.”

“Oh no, it’s not that. Nick and I are on good terms
now. It’s just that I wanted to talk to you and he really can’t be here for it.”

“Uh oh…” Emily said, knowing a serious conversation was in the stages of evolvement.

“Em, Nick is different. Like, really different. I’m not even sure I could explain it, but the way you affected him, it changed him.”

“I know,” Emily said softly, feeling slightly worried about her friend. “I can tell.”

“He opened up a lot to me over the last few weeks, but he still didn’t tell me much. I don’t know what he has on mind or what he’s going to do, but I just think you should be careful.”

“What do you mean, Sam? You don’t trust him?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust him at all. I believe every word he says or even won’t say about how he feels for you. It’s just that I think he has a lot of issues right now, and I don’t think he wants to admit it. So, until he can fix those issues, I’m afraid he’s just gonna end up hurting you.”

“He told me he loved me last night.”

Sam’s eyes grew twice in size, “Already?”

Emily laughed, but was still confused, “What do you mean, ‘Already’?”

“I didn’t think he’d tell you that fast…”

“Wait, so you mean you actually believe him?” Emily
asked in shock.

“Em, I told you he changed. I watched him fall in love with you. He denied it until he couldn’t help believing it himself, and then he refused to admit it because he only wanted you to know. But you know what? There was nothing more he wanted in the world, next to you waking up, than to yell out as loud as he could how much he loves you. I think holding that in for so long almost drove him insane, but he endured it for you because he wanted it to be special. He wanted you to know he was serious and he wanted you to believe him,” she stopped and looked at her friend, “but you don’t. I can tell.”

“Sam,” she sighed, frustrated that her best friend couldn’t understand where she was coming from. “I was in a coma for six weeks. The last time I even talked to Nick was three months before that. So in a span for four and a half months, we went from not even talking to him being in love with me, and I’m just supposed to accept that and just hope nothing bad happens? Sam, you know I gave so much for him, and he never gave me anything back. I know he’s changed, and he’s trying to be different, but that doesn’t mean he should get whatever he wants just because he’s finally doing something right. It shouldn’t be that easy.”

“I agree, Emily, but you shouldn’t push him away just to prove a point. If you really still love him and want to be with him, don’t blow it out of spite.”

“It’s not spite, Sam. It’s fear. I don’t trust him.”
The confession from Emily was more to herself than to Sam. She had been trying to avoid her inner fears since Nick had confessed his love to her, but the truth remained, she didn’t trust him. There was no way to tell how he would act once she was out of the hospital, and she greatly feared Nick resorting to his old ways. While Emily wanted nothing more than to take her chance with him, she was too afraid of being hurt to find it worthy.

Emily looked down and saw the Teddy bear Nick had given her on his first visit. She grabbed it swiftly, holding it tightly and close to her heart. She could smell the subtle hint of his cologne on the fibers of the bear.

Suddenly, a rush over emotion passed over her. She remembered times with Nick that made her smile, but she couldn’t keep the thought of the tears he had caused out of her head. Nick was changing, and Emily knew it. She just didn’t know if his intentions were pure. She wanted to trust him, but for some reason, the fear surrounding her heart wouldn’t let her.

Moments later, the phone in Emily’s room rang, causing her jump slightly as it startled her. She reached over and picked up the receiver, curious about her caller.

“Hello?”

“Emily?” The voice asked in a questioning tone.

“Yes, who is this?”

“It’s A.J.”

“Oh my God! A.J.! I can’t believe you called me!”

He laughed, “I would have rather gone to see you but I’m out of state right now, and I don’t think I’ll be back in time. But I wanted to make sure you were okay. You had us all worried.”

“I know, Nick told me. I’m sorry I scared you guys. I really didn’t mean to.”

“We know, Em, but you’re our friend, too. We have to care.”

She laughed, “Thanks, Alex!”

“Anytime, girl. So how are you and Nick?”

“The inevitable question…” She said sarcastically, “I don’t know, A.J. I mean, he’s been so nice and so caring, and just… perfect. I’m so afraid it’s all gonna come crashing down. I want to believe him, and I want to trust him, but I can’t. I’m too afraid of getting hurt.”

“I understand how you feel. I don’t blame you at all for feeling that way. But, in Nick’s defense, I’ve seen the look in his eyes when he sees you. Things are different with him now. He finally had that blast of reality he avoided for so long. I know it’ll take some time, but you have to start trusting that he’s not just trying to screw with you.”

“I think it’s gonna take longer than 'some' time. This almost doesn’t seem real.”

“Well, you have been hit with a boatload of change in the last few hours. It’ll take time to adjust. In the meantime, there are five people that are really grateful of Nick’s decision to make some changes in his life, and at the end of the day, it was because of you.”

She sighed again, “I know A.J. I know he cares. I really, really do. I just don’t know how long he’ll care the way he does right now, and I’m not so sure I want to be around when it fades.”

“You’re sure it will fade?”

“It always does.”

“It always did.”

“Why are you defending him?”

“Because I know how he feels about you.”

“He told you?”

“Nope, he didn’t have to.”

“Ugh, A.J., you aren’t helping any.”

“Or, I’m helping too much. Either way, try not to push him too far away. He needs you.”

“So he says…”

“Em, he does. Trust me. I watched him fall apart hating himself for what he’d done to you in the past. Now, he calls me today and he sounds like the happiest person on the planet. If that’s not real, then I don’t know what is.”

“So then I shouldn’t trust your judgment?”

“Ha ha, Em! I’m glad to see your sense of humor is still in tact. Listen to me, he’s never gonna give up on you. I’m not saying you should rush into this, but you definitely shouldn’t revolt against it either. Give yourself the chance to give him a chance. It’s what you always wanted.”

“But not because I almost died. I don’t want him to suddenly love me because I almost died, A.J.”

“What if he suddenly loves you because he just now realizes he’s loved you a lot longer?”

“And you have an indisputable way to prove this?”

A.J. couldn’t help but laugh, “Emily, you know you love him. Once you realize he really loves you too, you’re gonna have to tell me I was right, okay?”

“Whatever, A.J,” they both laughed.

“Get better, okay?”

“I will, and thanks for calling. Bye, A.J.”

“Bye.”

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Hey, Em,” Nick softly said as he casually poked his head through the doorway. “Can I come in?”

“Of course you can come in, Nick,” she looked at him, unsure of how he was making her feel.

“What?” He asked, noticing a strange look that was apparent on her face.

“I guess it just still surprises me to see you walk into my room every morning even though you really have no reason to.”

Nick looked at her disappointedly, “Emily, you know that’s not true.”

“Do I, Nick? Do I really? You’re so different now, and to me, it’s like night and day.”

So far, the day wasn’t starting off quite as Nick had planned. Before leaving for the hospital, he questioned if spending so much time in her room was now necessary or called for, but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to unnecessarily sacrifice one moment of time with Emily. He wanted to support her in all ways for the rest of his life. The last thing he ever wanted to do was fail her, and even if she didn’t see his actions as failing, he knew he would be.

After thinking about Emily’s words for a few moments, Nick finally mustered the courage to confront the issue.

Softly, he spoke, “I know. The way I was the last time we even talked is totally different than right now. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.”

Emily was quiet too. “Nick, I never said it was a bad thing. It’s just that it’s really hard for me to trust you right now. I want to, Nick, so badly. But all this change; in you, in me, in everything… It’s just too much to deal with right now.”

“Em…”

“Nick, you know how I felt about you. Do you really think this is easy for me?” She wanted to cry as she admitted her weaknesses, but letting Nick get the best of her was something she hated to do.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Emily. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to become a different person. It just happened. I wanted to be better for you.”

“But why, Nick? What made you suddenly want that? I don’t get it. It never mattered to you before.”

“I fell in love with you, Emily. I can’t help that, just like you couldn’t.”

“Nick… That was different.”

“In what way? I’ve made sacrifices for you now just like you made sacrifices for me then. It doesn’t mean any less.”

“What sacrifices did I make? I was your friend. That’s not a sacrifice, that’s a choice.”

He looked at her knowing he’d be turning the page on a whole different chapter with his retort. Still, it had to be said, and it had to be addressed.

“You moved to Florida for me.”

Emily looked at Nick in complete shock. He wasn’t supposed to know.

“No, I didn’t, Nick. What gave you that idea?” She lied.

“Your dad.”

Her face became stoic at the mention of her parents. She had quickly noticed they weren’t around, but ignored it, hoping there would be a logical reason within time. Now, she knew she would be facing the truth, and she knew it wouldn’t be pretty.

“They aren’t even here, Nick.”

“I know,” he said sounding hurt and disappointed. “I called them.”

She looked down, fearing the truth. “So they didn’t come on purpose?”

“Yea,” he barely choked out, his head hanging down. “Your dad left me a message and told me that you moved out here for me and that it was your mistake. They felt that since you chose me over them, they had no reason to choose you over whatever they have going on now.”

Nick looked up just in time to see the tears streaming down his friend’s face. His mended heart instantly shattered into pieces as the pain upon Emily’s face set in. All he wanted to do was take her pain away, but for some reason, she felt completely unreachable.

“I’m sorry, Emily.” It was all he could say. It wasn’t enough, though.

She wiped the tears away, “It’s not your fault, Nick. It was my choice.”

“But it was because of me. I caused this.”

“No you didn’t, Nick. They did,” the tears were now flooding from Emily’s eyes faster than she could clear them away. The sudden feeling of loneliness was more than she could handle. Crawling up in a ball and hiding away was becoming more and more appealing.

Not knowing any better, Nick instinctively walked over to Emily’s bed, sat down next to her, engulfing her in a close hug. He held her as tightly as he could, refusing to let go until she told him to. She didn’t tell him to. Nick’s actions instantaneously eradicated the forlorn feelings that consumed Emily’s mind just moments earlier. He was her best friend for a reason, and for the first time in all the years they’d know each other, he showed it more sincerely than ever before.


The week went by somewhat slowly, capturing every moment and every emotion. There were days that were perfet, and there were days when reality was so intenes that it was almost too painful to bear. Nick stayed in Emily’s room every day, helping her through her nightmares and supporting her as she recovered. What Nick had done for Emily over the last two months was more than she could ever thank him for, but she was thankful. He went out of his way for her, and he always did what he could to make her feel comfortable and happy.

It had been nine days since Emily had woken up and she still hadn’t heard from her parents. She wanted to hate them for what they were doing to her, but for some reason, it just didn’t seem worth it. She had her best friends with her, showing her how much they cared, and that was all she really needed. Still, Nick didn’t think it was something that should go ignored, and he continuously tried to convince Emily to reestablish communication with her parents.

“I guess I just don’t think it’s okay for your parents to get away with how they’re treating you.”

“But, Nick, they aren’t going to change. You know that. If they don’t want it then I don’t want it either.”

“Emily, it’s not that simple. If it was, then no one would care when someone left their life. It would be meaningless. What’s the point then?”

“You aren’t meaningless.”

He sighed, “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you feel that way, and you know you aren’t meaningless to me either, but you also know that this isn’t about you and me right now. I just don’t want you to have all these issues with your family when it’s so unnecessary.”

“I know, but that isn’t any easier, you know? I wish it was.”

“But you haven’t tried. You need to at least try before you give up.”

“Fine, I’ll call them later on. Right now, I don’t want to. I’m just happy I get to leave today, and I don’t want them ruining it. Is that fair enough?”

“It’s plenty fair. And I’m really glad you get to leave, too. I’m starting to hate this room,” he said with a laugh. “Do I still get to take you out to dinner tonight?”

“Only if you get me pizza…”

“Deal.”


Around three o’clock that day, Emily checked out of the hospital. She spent an hour thanking her doctors and nurses for all that they had done for her, but at last, she was free. Generously, Nick carried her belongings out to his car while he waited, then quickly made his way back up to the fourth floor where he continued to wait for Emily.

She was finally out of hospital clothes, and she looked more alive than ever before. As Nick stared at Emily from afar, watching her laugh and smile, he began to regret his past with her even more than he already did. He was well aware of how special she was to him, and the more in love with her he fell, the more he hated himself for hurting her in the past.

After waiting several more minutes, Emily was finally ready to make her departure from the hospital. One of the nurses handed her a final bag filled with small odds and ends from her room. Nick walked over to her, glad that he would be exiting the building for good, and reached his right hand out to Emily. She looked up at him, a smile gracing her face, and accepted his offer. Their fingers interlocked, and they both held on tightly, afraid of losing the other. As they made their way through the hallways, hand in hand, happier than ever, they knew things had changed, but for once, neither cared.

One Month Later


During the times that were supposed to be the best, things had been stagnant. The relationship between Nick and Emily was different in many ways, and in many ways, it was better, but the fear that consumed Emily’s mind still prevented her from trusting Nick beyond friendship. It was all he wanted though, and sometimes he found himself resenting her for not giving him a chance to prove himself. Still, he never pushed the subject further than it was meant to go, and he never gave up on her.

On the other hand, Emily’s parents had seemingly given up on her. She called them countless times and left more messages than she could remember, but her parents refused to acknowledge her existence. She knew they were upset with her for things that happened in the past, but Emily failed to understand why they were still holding a grudge after so much time. She wanted nothing more than to fix the past and move on, but they wouldn’t even talk to her, and eventually, she completely stopped caring.

Nick, however, did still care, and eventually took it upon himself to set things right again. He made countless phone calls with nothing to show for it, but he still kept calling. After a while, he began to understand how Emily was feeling which motivated him more to succeed. Finally, he decided there was nothing else left either could do in Florida. Out of no where, he showed up on Emily’s door step.

“I think you need to come with me.”

“Hello to you, too,” Emily replied sarcastically.

Nick smiled, but remained serious (to an extent), “I mean it. I’m kidnapping you. Let’s go.”

“Nick, are you out of your mind? Where exactly am I supposed to go with you?”

“Michigan!”

“Uhhh… Why?”

“Things need fixing, and I’m gonna fix them, one way or another. Right now, it looks like ‘another’ is all I have left. So, let’s go. We’re gonna miss the flight.”

“I’m not going to Michigan, Nick.”

“You have to, Emily. I know you don’t want to, and I don’t even blame you for not wanting to because right now things really suck. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. You have to.”

“No, Nick, I don’t, and I won’t. You can’t make me so don’t even try.”

He looked at Emily pleadingly, “You know I blame myself for this, whether you want me to or not. You can’t change that, but you can help it. Do this for me, Em; if not for yourself, than for me. I’ll be with you the whole time. I promise I won’t leave you alone if you don’t want me to. You won’t have to go through it by yourself. I swear.”

“Nick,” she said hopelessly, trying with all her might to refuse his plea.

“Come on…” He held out his hand.

Again, she accepted. On a complete whim, she walked out of her house and headed for Michigan with nothing packed and no planning whatsoever. She was on her way to confront her parents, and she was not looking forward to it.

Emily and Nick arrived at the airport, and it was then that Emily realized the extent of her spontaneous actions.

“Nick, I don’t have any luggage. What am I supposed to wear? How long are we going to be there?”

“Relax, Em. I don’t have anything either, if you haven’t noticed. We’ll go get some clothes when we get there.”

“Nick, I can’t afford to buy a new wardrobe. Maybe you forgot, but I was in a coma for six weeks. I’m a little low on cash right now.”

“Emily, I’ll pay for it. This was my idea. It’s not a big deal, and don’t argue with me, ok? I chose to drag you into this without planning anything so I’ll take care of it. Stop worrying.”

“Fine.”

She hated having to give in, but she had to, and when she thought about it, Nick was right. Had he thought his actions through and planned things in advance, this wouldn’t have been an issue. Reluctantly, she refrained from arguing with Nick, and boarded the plane.
The flight seemed much faster than it should have. Emily continuously hoped it would never end, but before she knew it, they were close to landing. Fearfully, she held onto Nick’s arm tightly. She wasn’t afraid of flying, but this time, she was afraid of landing.

“Are you okay, Em? I thought you didn’t mind flying?”

“I don’t, Nick. I mind going to my parents'.”

He gave her a look of console and wrapped his arms around her.

“It’ll be okay, Em. I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She buried her head into his chest, desperately trying to stop herself from falling in love with him, but his protection towards her made Emily weak in the worst ways.

“How can you be so sure, Nick?”

“Sure of what?”

“Nothing bad happening.”

“Because I love you, and no matter what happens, I’ll be there. Maybe things won’t work out perfectly with your parents, but I can promise you with everything I am you will never be alone again.”

She still didn’t want the flight to end, but now, it was because of Nick. Sometimes, he really was all she needed.


As promised, Nick took Emily on a small shopping spree after checking into their hotel. She didn’t want to buy more than she need, but he kept insisting and she ended up with a lot more clothes than she planned on leaving with. Luckily, Nick went a little overboard as well which made Emily feel less guilty.

Once they got back to the hotel, Nick confronted Emily about the purpose of their trip. She was sitting on her bed with her head phones on listening to music. It was her only escape from reality, and Nick pulled her out of it. Her legs were stretched out as she leaned against the headboard when Nick walked over and sat down next to her, slightly pushing her legs aside.

Irritated, she took her head phones off.

“What?”

He gave her a funny look, “Someone’s grouchy.”

She rolled her eyes, trying not to smile, “No, I’m not! Now what do you want.”

He considered the possibility of an argument but quickly decided the timing was bad.

“So when do you want to want to go see your parents?”

She pretended to think about it, “Ummm… Never?”

“Ha ha, that’s not an option. Try again.”

“I really don’t want to, Nick.”

“Well you have to, so pick a day.”

“How long are we staying here?” She asked curiously.

“I don’t care. How long do you want to stay?”

“We can leave now, if you want.”

“Emily…” He said slightly annoyed.

“Ugh, I don’t know. How long are we staying?”

“I really don’t care, Em. If you want to stay forever, we’ll stay forever. If you want to go back tomorrow, then we will. Whatever you want.”

“I definitely don’t want to stay in Michigan forever.”

Nick laughed at the seriousness of her statement. The moment felt so right between them, and Nick wanted nothing more than to reach up and kiss her. Using all the strength within himself, he refrained, and continued on with the conversation.

“Do you want to stay a few days just to be away? It’s totally up to you.”

“I don’t know, Nick. It’s nice to be out of Florida after everything that happened, but this wasn’t my first choice for an escape. Plus, I don’t want you spending all your money on me. You know I hate that.”

“I know you do, but like I said, it was my idea so it’s my responsibility. Since I know you won’t decide, I’ll do it for you. Why don’t we stay until Friday and we can spend the next two days just hanging out and doing whatever, then Friday we can go to your parents house. That way, no matter what happens, you won’t have to dwell one everything while you’re still here.”

“You don’t sound very confident, Nick. You’re making me worry more than before.”

He wanted to laugh at her joke, but she was right. He didn’t really expect the best outcome and he wanted to hide Emily from the pain that he knew would follow for as long as possible.

“Honestly, Em, after talking to your parents a few times, I really don’t know what to expect, but for some reason, I just don’t see them being cooperative.”

She sighed somewhat angrily, “Then why did you bring me out here?”

“Because, Emily, no matter what happens, it needs to happen. You can’t run from it.”

“What if I want to?”

“Then you’d be normal, but it doesn’t mean you’d be right.”

Feeling somber, she softly replied, “I feel like I’m losing everything.”

“I’m still here, Emily. I’ll always be here. I promise you.”

She smiled at him and felt a foreign feeling of happiness secretly sneak inside of her.

The two days of freedom Nick gave to Emily were relieving in more ways than she could explain. He took her to see a movie, they ate at restaurants she hadn’t been to in years, they went sight seeing all over Detroit and for two days, they just had fun. Their friendship was seemingly reborn. Neither wanted it to end.

Unfortunately, though, Friday bared its ugly face all too soon, and Emily woke up not wanting to face the day. She was cranky and unfriendly, Nick being her number one target. Knowing she would be unpleasant on this particular day, he let her bitter remarks slide without contest. He hated knowing that she was petrified of the outcome she potentially faced, but he knew it had to be done. Nick was glad he could be there with Emily when she faced it, and he hoped that she saw his devotion to her through his actions.

Their flight was at three O’clock in the afternoon, so they decided to go to Emily’s parents’ house around ten. This way, they had plenty of time to talk out their issues before leaving, but if her parents weren’t home, it would also give them some time to wait.

As Emily attempted to get ready to leave, she found herself stressing in unmanageable ways. She felt like she was going to lose her mind, and at one point, she just wanted to scream.

She roared with frustration, “I’m gonna scream!”

Nick felt badly for her, and he tried his best to comfort her, “Emily, just calm down, okay? Things could go really well for all we know. Just relax and take things slowly.”

“It’s easy for you say, Nick,” she snapped, “It’s not you that has to deal with it.”

“Maybe not now, but it’s not like my family is perfect. I know what it’s like and you keep forgetting that. Why do you think I want you to fix things so badly? I don’t want you to have to deal with this kind of shit for the rest of your life. You don’t deserve it.”

She regretted her words immediately, knowing Nick’s family issues were much more serious than her own.

“I’m sorry, Nick.”

“Don’t be. I know it’s hard, but I’m here for you. You keep forgetting that.”

“No, I haven’t forgotten. I just keep ignoring it.”

He let a little giggle escape, “I think you’re entitled to. Things have been so hard for you lately. I’m just glad I could be there for you.”

“I am too, Nick. I really am. You’ve been so great to me these last few months. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay for it.”

He looked at her completely seriously, “You could forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?”

“All the times I messed up and you said you wouldn’t forgive me but you wouldn’t hold it against me. Forgive me. It’s all I really want from you.”

“What about my love?” She asked, wondering if it was a safe topic to elicit.

“I already have that,” he mischievously smiled at her. “I just need your forgiveness.”

She did love him, but she’d never admit it. When she thought about it, though, Nick had done so much to make up for the times he hurt in the past that Emily really did feel he deserved her forgiveness. After little consideration, she quickly formulated her decision.

“Okay, Nick. I forgive you, totally and completely. But, if anything from the past ever happens again, there won’t be a next time. I just can’t deal with it.”

“You know what, neither can I. So don’t worry about it. You have my word. I’ll be a perfect angel from now on.”

“Ha! I wouldn’t go to that extreme, Nick. You’re far from an angel.”

He gave her a sad, puppy dog-faced look, “I’m not?”

“Oh, go away, Carter.”

They both laughed and happily continued getting ready for the day.


The side walk leading to the porch seemed endless. The sky was bright blue and the sun was shining proudly, but the world surrounding Emily seemed sullen and depressing. She held onto Nick’s hand tightly as she made her way to the front door of her parents’ house. She was terrified. For the first time in her life, Emily was terrified to see her own parents. Her expectations had reached an all time low, and she counted on leaving feeling hurt and angry, but some how, the man standing next to her seemed to make the aching feeling hovering around her body seem a lot less noticeable.

Apprehensively, she stepped onto the porch, and walked up to the door. Nick let go of her hand, but quickly stuck his finger through the back belt loop of her pants so she’d know he was still there. Immediately after doing so, Emily reached behind her and grabbed Nick’s hand again, afraid to let go. He left his finger in place, but still held on to Emily as tightly as he could. Nick was standing so close behind her she felt like she was going to pass out. He was instigating feelings and emotions within her body she’d never felt for him before. He made her feel so safe and so protected from the world that she questioned how she’d ever gotten along without him.

After procrastinating as long as she possibly could, she finally reached out and rang the doorbell. It was too late to run now, and Nick wouldn’t let her if she tried. She could feel her heart beating so loudly it made her wonder if Nick could hear it. Her mind was racing, and she didn’t know what to think. She didn’t even know what to say. If they answered, Emily had no idea what words to use to initiate the encounter. She was beginning to feel as though she should have thought this through more thoroughly before agreeing to Nick’s crazy idea.

As the anticipation rose, so did the apprehension. Emily wanted to run and never stop running. She knew Nick was right for making her do this, but she hated him for it anyway.

Just when Emily thought her heart was going to explode out of her chest, the front door opened, and there stood her mother. The older woman’s mouth immediately fell open.

“Emily!” She yelled out as she quickly stepped forward to embrace her daughter in a hug. Emily felt Nick let go of her hand, freeing himself from her belt loop, and she hated him for that, too. Not knowing what else to do, she hugged her mother back, awkwardly and insincerely.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Oh, Emily, I’m so glad you’re home!” She pulled away from the hug to look at her daughter. She quickly realized the overwhelming feeling of happiness was not mutual.

“Is Dad home?”

Thrown off by Emily’s lack of joy, she perplexedly replied, “Yes, he is. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see you.”

“I’m sure he will,” Emily replied sarcastically.

“Em…” Nick said, hoping to calm her down.

Emily rolled her eyes at Nick's parental scorn and rolled her eyes, announcing, “We need to talk.”

The three entered the home with tension surrounding them. Emily’s mother lead them into the family room then called for her husband to meet her downstairs. As he entered the room, and his daughter became visible, his heart seemed to sink into the pit of his stomach.

“Emily?”

“Hi, Dad,” she said solemnly.

Emily didn’t know what to expect but she certainly didn’t expect things to turn sour as quickly as they did.

“What’s he doing here?”

Emily wanted to scream. She wanted to find a heavy object and introduce it to her father. How could he have the audacity to say such a thing to her? If it weren’t for Nick, she would have fallen apart weeks ago, but her parents couldn’t have known that because they shut her out of their lives.

Knowing Emily well enough, Nick, still standing behind her, nonchalantly rested his right hand on her hip, again using her belt loop for support.

“Just let it go, Em.”

She knew he was only trying to help, but this time, she wouldn’t reason with him.

“No, Nick. I’m gonna let it go. He has no right to say something like that to me or you.” She turned to address her father, “How dare you? Nick has been the best thing to ever happen to me, and you’ve resented me and him for it. Is it really that hard to let go? Are you that incapable of letting me grow up and live my own life?”

“When all you do is make mistakes, yes,” the man replied, feeling he was right.

“Andrew!” His wife yelled out attempting to stop the chaos before it erupted.

“It’s not my fault she attracts trash. He’s no good for her and you know it. All he does is hurt her, and I’m not gonna stand around and watch it happen without saying something,” he refocused his attention on Emily again, “You keep letting this guy walk in and out of your life as he pleases and you see nothing wrong with it. I’m sorry, but I don’t support it and I never will. It’s him or us.”

Nick suddenly regretted forcing Emily into this situation. He suspected it wouldn’t end happily, but he had no idea it would be so horrible. The words her own father was saying to her must have pierced her heart like a knife. All Nick wanted to do was hide her away and bear the torture for her, but he knew he couldn’t.
Emily wanted to cry and scream, but at this point, she was too angry to even consider either.

“You have to be kidding yourself. Last time I checked, Nick is the one that was in my hospital room every single day I was there, and Nick was the one that came to my house every single day after I left to make sure I was okay. Nick was the one that supported me when I felt like I had no one. Nick was the one I turned to, and he never let me down. And where were you? Hiding away because you know you were wrong, but you were too proud to admit it. Maybe Nick isn’t perfect, but neither are you. At least he admits it. If you want to play these games, that’s fine with me. I don’t need you,” she turned to her mother, “and if you’re just gonna stand there and let him say something like that, then I don’t need you either. Have a nice life. I choose Nick.”

She walked out of the door, Nick following behind her, and refused to look back. She opened the passenger side door of the rental car and took her seat, waiting for Nick. He wanted to talk to her and consol her, but he knew it would be best to leave Emily’s parents’ house first. He started the car and drove away, not knowing to what do or say. All he knew was that Emily just exiled her parents from her life, choosing him over them in the process. It wasn’t what he planned, but the feeling of love within his heart seemed to intensify as her words settled in. “I choose Nick.” And he chose her.


The ride to the airport was silent. Emily refused to show any emotion, and talking to Nick seemed close to impossible at this point. She was glad he was with her, but she didn’t have the courage to confront her emotions just then. The hurt she felt inside was worse than anything Nick had ever done, and knowing it was intentional made it worse. She was lucky to have him, and she knew it.

Emily was happy to be going home, and she hoped she’d never have to go back to Michigan ever again. Her and Nick were standing outside of their respective gate, waiting to bored the plane. They had arrived relatively early and both were feeling too antsy to sit. Nick kept staring at Emily, painfully aware of how damaged she was. Emily wanted to cry, but Nick was there, and she still hated crying in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Emily,” Nick softly said to her as she stared aimlessly at the ground beneath her.

“It’s not your fault, Nick.”

“It feels that way.”

“It’s not,” a tear escaped her eye.

“Em,” he said, then reached out and pulled her in, embracing her body close to his, never wanting to let go. He wanted to hold her until he died, relieving her of any tears she ever shed. Nick hated to see Emily cry, and it killed him inside knowing she felt so much pain. Yet beneath all the pain they were both feeling, they were happy, and neither would trade that feeling for anything in the world.

It had been a week since Nick and Emily returned from Michigan. Since then, they had only spoken once, and Emily went out of her way to avoid Nick. She wasn’t upset with him for how the outcome of her confrontation with her parents turned out, but she felt uncomfortable around him. He saw a side of total weakness from her, and had Nick not been there, Emily was sure she wouldn’t have made it through. The realization of the whole situation scared Emily. When it came down to it, she needed Nick. He was her rock, and he got her through every hard time she’d ever faced and without him, she would fail. But trusting Nick to always be there was another story. Emily loved Nick and she wanted to be with him, but she was too afraid of getting hurt to take the chance. After losing six weeks of her life to a coma, she wanted to make sure that every decision was the right choice so her life would always be completely fulfilled.

Nick’s actions from the past caused so much doubt in Emily’s mind that no matter how much she loved him, she was too afraid to try. Still, Nick called every day, leaving message after message. He came to her house hoping she’d be home, but every day, she was conveniently gone. He tried and tried, hopelessly and endlessly, but his actions never gave Emily the security she needed. There were days when Nick felt like giving up. If he couldn’t convince her now, then she’d never be convinced. It was easier to walk away when he was being pushed so far, but his heart never seemed to let him go. At the end of the day, he was still leaving a message on Emily’s phone, confessing his love, revealing his own weakness to her, and pleading with her for just a chance.

Through the last few months, A.J. had been the one to step up the most for Nick to support him in any way he could. Consequently, he was the one Nick called when all hope seemed lost with Emily. After feeling like Emily was slipping away, Nick began to break down, eventually turning to A.J. for the support he was desperate for.

Ring.

“Hello?”

“A.J.? What’s up, man? It’s Nick.”

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Nothing good, Bro. I’m dying here.”

“Why, what’s going?”

“It’s Emily. I can’t do anything right with her.”

“What do you mean? I thought you guys were doing really
good?”

“We were in a lot of ways, but she won’t commit to me and now she’s avoiding me like the plague. I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything right and she won’t talk to me and help me fix it. I feel like I’m losing her.”

“She’s scared, Nick. What do you expect? You hurt her
so much in the past and now you’re asking her to trust you with her heart. It’s not gonna be that easy.”

“I know, but I’ve changed.”

“Yea, but have you changed enough, and more importantly, have you changed enough for Emily?”

“How can I know when she won’t tell me?”

“Nick, life isn’t always simple. Some things… the best things, you have to fight for. I don’t know what you should do, but I do know that if you give up, she’ll be right.”

“Right about what, though?”

“You breaking her heart. She’s afraid you can’t honestly commit. So if you run now because it’s hard, she’ll be right. She has to be wrong in order for both of you to win. It’s not easy, Nick, and I’m not gonna sit here and lie and say it is, but sometimes you just have to deal with it.”

“I don’t mind dealing with it, A.J., I really don’t. She’s so worth it. It’s just that it’s really hard to keep fighting when she won’t tell me what I’m fighting for. I feel like it’s a losing battle, ya know? It’s like fighting for a prize you know doesn’t exist.”

“Your prize exists, Nick. It’s just hiding. She won’t stay away forever.”

“I really hope you’re right because forever without her doesn’t really appeal to me.”

A.J. laughed at the comment, knowing Nick was serious but finding it humorous anyway.

“The fact that you feel that way gives you the advantage. Just hang in there, Nick. She’ll come around.”

“It’s funny, everyone keeps saying that and she still isn’t her.”

“You know what’s funnier?”

“What?”

“Up until a few months ago, she was the one that kept hearing that. It’s karma, Bro. You just gotta deal with it. Hang in there.”

“Yea, I guess. Later, dawg.

“Later.”


It was obvious that Nick and Emily would be chasing each other in circles if they kept up their behavior, so on Nick’s behalf, A.J. took matters into his own hands.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you. It’s A.J.”

“Hi, A.J.! How are you?”

“Well, I’m doing pretty good, but I might know someone that isn’t.”

“Might?”

“Well, the thing is, I haven’t figured out if it’s you or Nick.”

She sighed knowing he was up to no good, “What exactly are you talking about, Alex?”

He laughed at the usage of his real name, “Well, you’re running from Nick, and Nick is falling to pieces. Who’s worse off, the one who can’t face fears or the one who can’t face loneliness?”

“And which one is which, oh wise one?”

“Mock me all you want, but you’ll be thanking me for this later.”

“I’m sure I will be,” she retorted sarcastically.
A.J. ignored the sarcasm feeling uninterested in the bickering it would lead to.

“I think in many ways, you’re both having issues with
each side.”

“A.J., what are you getting at?” She asked feeling annoyed.

“I told you Nick was different. You didn’t believe me. He’s gone out of his way to prove it to you, and you run. What more is he supposed to do, Em? You won’t consider his actions, yet you’re demanding so much from him.”

“Maybe I don’t want to get hurt, A.J. Did you ever think of that?”

“Yup, I considered it a few times. Wanna know what I came up with?”

“Not really.”

“Too bad. As far as Nick hurting you, yeah, he’s done it in the past, but has he done it since your accident? He was there for you in ways no one else has ever been. What he did for you all those weeks, and even all the weeks after is more than anyone could rightfully ask for, but you didn’t have to ask. He just did it. Why isn’t that enough alone? Then he keeps going, and he keeps doing more and more to try and prove his self to you and all you do is run further away. Emily, I understand you’re scared, but so is he. If you keep pushing him, eventually he won’t come back, and I really, really hope that that’s not what you’re going for.

“Ugh, A.J., you know it’s not.”

“No, I don’t, Emily. All I see is this guy who fell madly in love with you to the point that he dropped every bad characteristic he possessed just to please you, and every night he’s in pain because you won’t even talk to him. He can’t do more if you don’t tell him what to do, Em.”

She didn’t reply for a moment, thinking about A.J.’s words. It was then that she realized how reversed her and Nick had come. Now, he was chasing her, and she was the one afraid of commitment. She wanted Nick, and she did love him. The thought of completely losing him scared her more than the thought of Nick hurting her.

Finally, she replied, “Ok, I’ll go talk to him.”

“Good luck,” A.J. wished her.

“Thanks.”


Nick heard the sound of knocking on his front door, and he quickly hit the pause button on his video game so he could address his visitor. As he made his way through the hallways, he curiously wondered who was waiting to see him. When he finally made it to the door, he was surprised to see Emily standing in front of him.

“Hi,” he said, unsure of what more he could say.

“Hi, Nick,” she shyly replied then continued, “Can I come in?”

He smiled at her insecurity, “Of course.”

They walked into his living room, the site of many deep conversations and boundless one-sided love confessions.
As Emily remembered the moments she’d shared with Nick on his couch in that living room, the guilt within her soul became more prominent and more painful.

“I’m really sorry, Nick. I’ve been stupid, and I know I was wrong. You’ve been so great to me, and I haven’t done anything to deserve it. I’m really, really sorry.”

“Emily, you don’t have to apologize. I know this has been hard on you. It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not, Nick. Maybe it’s okay for me to be afraid, but it’s not okay for me to run from you when all you’re trying to do is help me.”

“But I understand. Emily, I ran from you for years. I know how you’re feeling.”

“I’m just so afraid of getting hurt, Nick.”

“I won’t hurt you, Emily. I couldn’t if I tried. I love you way too much to ever hurt you again.”

She didn’t realize it, but she was crying now.

“It makes me so happy to hear you say that, Nick. It really does, but you’ve only been this new and improved guy for a few months. What if you slip up and hurt me? I couldn’t take that, Nick. It’s so hard to take such a chance with so little support behind it.”

“You know, in some ways I think your coma affected me more than you.”

She looked at him puzzled, “What do you mean?”

“A lot of people, when they almost lose their life, their perspectives change. You know, they become more open minded and they take more risks because they're so afraid of missing out or losing the chance to experience that they want do everything and try everything whether it’s good or bad. Even if they know it might turn out bad in the end, they’ll do it anyone because they don’t know if they’ll ever get the chance to do it again. That’s how I feel with you. All I ever did was screw things up between us, and I took what we had for granted, but now I’m so afraid I’ll never get the chance to show you what kind of person I can be for you that it’s all I really want to do. I just want to be right for you and make you happy, and I’ll take any risk to prove myself to you. You’re the opposite. You’re so afraid of that risk turning out bad that you’re refusing to take it. You’re willing to pass up the one thing you always wanted so that fear can get the best of you. Is it worth it?”

His words were circulating through her head repetitively. The deepness of Nick’s observation impressed Emily, but it also scared her. He was right, but she was still afraid. She feared that his faithfulness would relapse, and she’d find herself surrounded by the familiar pain and tears he’d caused her so many times before. She loved this main with all of her heart, but her heart feared him in every way. It seemed like there was nothing Nick could ever do or say to make Emily trust him, but still, he would try and he would continue trying until she gave him a chance.

“I’ll be right back,” Nick abruptly said before Emily could respond. He got up and walked away with no explanation for his departure. He was only gone a few minutes, but when he returned he had Emily’s undivided attention.

“What are you doing,” she asked, surprised to see him holding his guitar.

“I want to sing you a song. Just listen.”

Remembering his similar actions in the hospital room, Nick began to strum his guitar. He sang the lyrics to the song he’d written intensely and full of emotion. He hoped the words would strike a nerve in Emily’s heart, and she’d see Nick for what he really was.

Emily listened carefully, the words reigning over her head tauntingly.

And I know that you can’t trust me right now
But you know you have to try some how

She wondered if it was irony or intentional, but for some reason, those words alone made her feel more like she was making a mistake than anything Nick had done or said since she’d woken up. As Nick kept singing, Emily kept doubting, but this time, she was doubting herself.

Ooh You’re sleeping your life away
Because you’re too afraid (too afraid)
And you’re running from the pain
That I once made (I once made)
But I promise I’ll love you like that (love you like that)
Yea and I promise I won’t take it back (won’t take it back)

Nick’s voice was soothing and sincere. His words were beautifully presented to Emily, and for some reason, she couldn’t help but believe him.

When Nick stopped playing, Emily was distracted by a strange feeling of remembrance.

“That was really good, Nick. I think I’ve heard it before. Who wrote it?”

Nick looked at her mystified, “I did. I wrote it for you while you were in the hospital.”

Now Emily was bewildered, “But I remember it. I’ve heard it before.”

“I played it for you.”

“Oh,” she said, not meaning to sound ungrateful, but still unsure of what just happened. “I like it a lot. It was really beautiful.”

“I’d only do it for you.”

She smiled at him, realizing exactly why she loved him.

Emily remained at Nick’s house for several more hours that night. They both spent their time together admitting their deepest fears, and acknowledging why it was so difficult for either to completely trust the other without any doubt. Nick confessed that the youth within him had been more important than the life ahead of him. He wanted to retain his freedom for as long as he could, even if it meant risking true love. Once he realized that he’d already risked it, he wanted nothing more than to have it whole heartedly. Emily explained how she only had a few people in her life that truly cared about her, and while she knew Nick was one of them, she didn’t always feel their love was worth risking their friendship over.

As their confessions deepened and their vulnerabilities became more prominent, Nick and Emily realized that they did trust each other, totally and completely. The fact that they were willing to admit their deepest fears and hidden secrets was proof enough that nothing could come between them.

While Emily left Nick’s house with their relationship no further along than when she arrived, they both parted ways with a foreign feeling of hope bubbling inside of their hearts. Nick knew Emily still needed time to adjust to the changes in her life, and he intended to give it to her, but at least he now knew they’d be together at some point, forever.


The next morning, Emily was doing some casual cleaning around her house when her phone rang. She grabbed the cordless device from the charger and answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Em!”

“Hi, Sam. How are you?”

“I’m good, how are you? Have you been feeling okay?”

“I’ve been okay. Things have been kind of hard lately, but I’m getting through it.”

“Yea, everything that happened with your parents must have been so hard.”

“Nick helped me out a lot. Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

Sam laughed at her friend, knowing she was more in love with Nick than ever before.

“Sometimes I don’t know what he’d do without you.”

“Yea, well, I guess we kind of need each other.”

Sam was thrown off by Emily’s confession, “Whoa, wait a minute. You mean you’re admitting you need him?”

She smiled at the thought, “Yea, I guess I kinda do.”

Sam laughed again, happy for her friend, but amused by her sudden realization.

As Emily remained on the phone with her friend, she continued organizing the clutter that had developed on her kitchen counter. She was thumbing through a pile of papers when she stumbled across a sealed envelope with her name scribbled across the front.

“Hey, Sam, did you bring me a card while I was in the hospital?”

“No,” Sam said slightly confused, “Nick did. I think he was the only one.”

“Oh…” Emily trailed off as she opened the envelope. She fumbled with the card, anxious to see what it said. It had been months since Nick had given her this card and throughout all the chaos, she’d completely forgotten it existed. As her eyes traced the words, she heard Nick’s voice in her head.

Emily

When I heard about your accident, I couldn’t begin to tell you how horrible I felt. I was incredibly scared for you, and I was beyond worried. I panicked for hours and questioned how something so horrible could happen to someone so beautiful. I analyzed every moment I had ever spent with you and wondered if I could have made that time better. I remembered all the fun times we spent talking about everything for hours, or analyzing what the meaning of life really is. I cherished every time you came out to support me no matter what the distance was. Basically, whatever the emotion was, I felt it; every single one, including love. I realized that I loved you. I love you. I realized that the reason I was experiencing such an intense amount of fear and anxiety for you was because you mattered so much more than I ever allowed myself to understand. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I ignored my feelings for you for so long, and I could never apologize enough for the pain I put you through all these years, but I can promise you that I will love for the rest of my life, no matter what.

I know you’ll get through this on top. Stay strong and we’ll be together.

With Love,
Nick


“I have to go,” Emily abruptly said.

“Wait, what happened? What did the card say?”

She sighed happily, “He’s always loved me,” she shook her head at herself knowing she was making no sense, “I’ll tell you about it later. Bye, Sam.”

Emily hung up before Sam had a chance to reply. Feeling completely uninformed, she wondered if Emily’s reaction was meant to be has positive as it sounded.

Unfortunately, she’d have to wait to find out.


Once again, Nick was thrown off by the sound of knocking on his door. He stopped what he was doing and rushed over to answer it. For the second day in a row, he was greeted with complete surprise by Emily’s arrival.

“Hi, Em. You’re back?”

“Yea,” she smiled at him, “Can I come in?”

He laughed at her and let her in.

“So what’s up?”

“Do you regret the past?”

“I’m good thanks, how are you?”

Emily laughed at his playful sarcasm, and swatted him on the shoulder for his immaturity.

“I’m serious, Nick, just answer.”

He rolled his eyes, wondering what she was up to.

“What specifically about the past?”

“You and I.”

He thought about his answer for several moments before finally speaking up, “No. I wanted to say yes because I made a lot of mistakes in the past, but when I thought about it, I realized that my mistakes brought me to this moment, right here with you, and even though it’s been really difficult for both of us, and you’re asking me weird questions, I wouldn’t give it up for anything.”

She smiled at him, knowing she loved him way too much. He was everything she could ever ask for out of life, and she intended to keep it that way.

“I found something today.”

“And what might that be?”

“The card you gave me while I was in the hospital.”

Nick looked at her questioningly, wondering if her discovery was a good thing.

“The things you wrote inside… they really meant a lot to me.”

“I’m glad,” he sincerely said, “I meant every word of it.”

“I know you did. That’s why I came over, because I believed you.”

“You did?”

“I do.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“Knowing that you wrote it before you had time to think.”

He gave her an unsure look, “I don’t follow.”

She laughed at him, falling more in love with him for his modesty. “You didn’t sit around planning exactly what you were going to say. You just wrote. It was from your heart, so it had to be true.”

He smiled at himself, feeling slightly stupid for missing the connection.

“I love you, Emily. I’ll love you for the rest of my life, and I don’t ever want to love anyone else again. I don’t ever want to hold anyone else, or kiss anyone else, or touch anyone else. You’re all I want, forever.”

She looked into his beaming blue eyes and smiled at him knowing her life was complete. “I love you, too, Nick …Forever.”

He took a step forward, and placed his right hand on her left cheek. Unable to refrain any longer, Nick reached down and kissed Emily, savoring the feeling of her lips.

They melted into each others arms, and Nick knew his life was finally complete.