I remember it like it was yesterday. Okay, so maybe it was yesterday. Whatever. Sometimes, I get time messed up in my head. Who doesn’t? Right?

Anyway, yesterday, we got home from doing all the promotion stuff for Unbreakable in New York, and I was exhausted. We’ve been jetsetting all over the place in the last couple weeks, and it’s really getting to all of us. You can tell. Which is why what happened yesterday happened.

The instant we got back to our house in Orlando, where we all live for a couple days every week because we’re working on maintaining our brotherhood (it’s not as cult-ish as it sounds—I swear!) even though we all have homes and families of our own and stuff, Brian plopped onto the couch and stuck his feet on the coffee table. And, for whatever reason, Nick stared at Brian’s feet and started laughing. Hysterically.

I swear, we all thought the kid had lost it. We thought the stress had finally gotten to him, that all the anger at Jive and Damien on MTV (don’t even ask because I don’t know why either) bottled up inside him, and he was officially going whacko. Not that he’s not, but, come on, he’s nowhere near me in the whacko levels.

Anyway, so there we all are, staring at Nick like he had sprouted an extra head or two. Finally, Brian couldn’t take the suspense. “Nick, what the heck? Did you inhale laughing gas or something?”

Nick just giggled some more and, finally, he pointed at Brian’s shoes.

Let’s stop here for a minute, and let me explain to you the sight that was Brian’s shoes. I know I have interesting fashion taste, but, for whatever reason, no matter how nice Brian’s pants are, the man insists on wearing the worst shoes to go with them. The shoes he wore right then made his feet look like clown feet or something. And when they stuck straight up on the coffee table, they looked like damn gravestones or something. I have to admit, those shoes with that outfit totally made me giggle, too.

So, anyway, Brian looked down at his own feet and then back up again, obviously confused. “What? I don’t get it. And, I swear Nick, if you don’t tell me, I’ll loose my temper. I’m tired and not in the mood for this.”

Instantly, Nick stopped laughing and, solemnly, he tried to explain what I just told you about Brian’s shoes. Brian was clearly not as amused as the rest of us. Instead, his eyebrows got all wrinkly and he walked out of the room. We all winced when we heard the back door slam shut.

“Uh oh.” Howie, the king of understatement.

Yeah, the day of an album premiere is not the day to get mad at each other. Even if it’s over something as stupid as Brian’s enormously out of place shoes.

So, being the good friend that I was, I decided to go find Brian. I figured he’d be exactly where he usually went when we were all cooped up in the house together and needed space.

The beach.

Yep. We’d managed to find the only house in Orlando and its suburbs that had the Gulf of Mexico in the backyard. Don’t ask me how we managed it, but we’re the Backstreet Boys, so it was like magic. Or something.

There he was, standing there and watching the waves crash in the moonlight. It would’ve made a damn good photograph. “Man Watching Waves in Moonlight.” I should be a photographer, I thought to myself as I watched the scene. I’m so good at this coming up with names thing.

So, as I’m debating over whether or not I should talk to Brian or find my camera, I figured Brian would get on the phone with Leighanne and tell her about how annoyed he was with us, which is something he’s done in the past. But then, we’ve all done the same thing, too, so whatever. Anyway, to my complete and utter surprise, he didn’t whip out the cell phone. Nope, he just paced a little further down the beach and then, and this is the part that makes my jaw flipping drop still…

This girl—this really hot girl—comes walking up the beach and throws her arms around him. I thought it was a psycho fan or something, until Brian freaking kissed the chick! I couldn’t believe it either, so don’t feel too bad if you don’t believe it.

Anyway, five minutes later, they come walking in like they’re the most in love couple or something (I thought I could see the little hearts circling above their heads).

“Hey guys! This is Melodie Hope Hart. Melodie, these are the guys.” Brian smiled at her but still frowned at us. Which is not fair since he’s got the girl and all.

Melodie must’ve noticed he was mad because she seemed like a pretty perceptive girl (not to mention beautiful—did I say that already?) and Howie, Nick, and I liked her right away for some reason. So, anyway, Melodie looks at Brian’s frown and decided to turn it upside down. And I’m not making that up because you could totally see the wheels spinning round and round and round in her head.

“Brian!” she chirped. “Are you mad at them?”

“No,” he grumbled. “Okay, yeah. So? I’m allowed.” And he told her what had happened earlier with his shoes. Damn shoes.

“Oh, Brian. You’re so silly! Nick, you were just looking out for Brian’s fashion sense, weren’t you?” Melodie’s voice was such a melody that I kind of missed what she said after that, except for what it sounded like.

Whatever she said, though, must’ve worked because, two minutes later, Nick, Howie, Brian, and I were in this big group hug. When we pulled apart, trying not to sniffle because we all got something in our eyes or something (must’ve been dust because it’s not like I was crying), Melodie was smiling.

And then, she proved that she’s really the kind of girl that every guy’s been waiting for.

“Hey, guys! Let’s, like, order pizza and play video games!”

Nick’s jaw hit the ground. I think he knew he’d finally found his soulmate. “Hell, yeah!”

And there they went. While Melodie whooped Nick’s ass at Halo 3, the rest of us sat around, ate pizza, and just stared in amazement at how perfect she was.

But that was before part 2 of the trouble started.

Now, usually, when Nick wins a game, he does this weird-ass booty shake, which, one of these days, I’m gonna tape and put on YouTube without telling him. Melodie had her own way of celebrating. After she kicked his ass at the game, she turned around and gave him this huge kiss. I think we heard both Nick and Brian’s jaws drop at the same time.

After that, Brian just stewed about it and Nick walked around with stars in his eyes. Until Melodie Hope Hart left. Then the drama started.

Brian screamed at Nick about stealing his girl. Nick screamed back that Brian had a wife and wasn’t he cheating if he wanted Melodie like that? Brian yelled that he didn’t care, he wanted Melodie. Nick screamed that he didn’t care what Brian wanted and that he wanted Melodie more.

And then, letting out the inner girl in him, Nick threw a little hissy fit and headed out for the magical beach.

For a long time, Howie and I tried not to giggle about the whole thing. We couldn’t help it, though. So, when we busted out laughing, Brian glared at us.

“It’s not funny.”

“Sure it is. You’re not sitting where we are.”

Brian glared. “She’s perfect for me.”

“Nuh-uh.” Oh, Howie. He was so gonna get it from Brian.

“Excuse me?” Aww, I love Brian’s prissy voice.

Howie nodded enthusiastically. “Leighanne’s perfect for you. Remember? She’s your wife, Brian. She’s the best thing that could’ve happened to you. Remember how many times you’ve said that?”

Brian stared at Howie, and, slowly, as the words sank in, his sapphire-blue orbs filled with tears. (What is with us and the tears? We really are turning into pansy-assed crybabies.) “Oh, my god. You’re so right, Howie! How could I forget the woman who makes my life worth living? Oh, man! I have to go call her and tell her what I’ve done and beg for her forgiveness.”

Howie and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. The man is so dramatic.

“Why don’t you apologize to Nick first?” I suggested. “He’s pretty upset.”

Brian thought about it for a second and then agreed. “Sure, okay.”

When he started to head for the back door, Howie and I followed him. Nick was standing in almost the same place Brian had been before (you know, leaning against the pier that had just magically appeared there), and Brian stopped a ways away from him. I think he was a little worried that Nick was going to have a hissy fit again. Howie and I totally held our breaths when Brian actually walked up to Nick and started to talk. We couldn’t really hear, but, after a while, they had themselves a little manly hug (because we are NOT gay, people!).

Nick put his arm around Brian’s shoulders and grinned. “Brian said that Melodie was more perfect for me! I mean, she plays video games, likes pizza, and you guys like her, too! She can’t get any better.”

No, she probably couldn’t. Either way, the whole night was a little bizarre, and this is where my internal time clock freaks out because, we got home from New York at almost midnight and it was only midnight by this time. I told you, yesterday was unbelievable. It must be all the stress that had Nick and Brian fighting over a girl, too. Heck, that hasn’t happened since we were all wee Backstreet Boys.

We’re not so wee anymore.

“Hey, guys!”

All of us turned around to see who was calling us. “Hey, Justin!” Nick waved back enthusiastically at our neighbor. Or should I say one of our neighbors.

“The guys and I were wondering if you wanted to play basketball right now!” Justin grinned. “And then, later, we’re going over to Britney and Christina’s apartment because Christina says Britney needs our help to get her life straight.”

Brian muttered under his breath about Britney’s crazy life, but Nick answered for all of us. “Sure! We’ll come!”

And so we ended our bizarre night by beating *N SYNC at basketball and then eating ice cream while Britney cried, Christina did her nails (and then she did mine because she’s better at it than I am. I tell you, that black nail polish is hard to put on.), and Brian played confession priest and made Britney feel better because he’s a saint, you know. I think her life’s problems are solved because she’s going to listen to his advice.

Oh, yeah, and then we sang a song that made Brit-Brit feel even better.

You’re one in a million
You’re going the distance
You’re gonna work it out some day
I wish I could tell her
You’re one in a million but
You never even look my way

‘Course, Brit promised she would look at us.

Unbelievable.

Lyrics from BSB's One in a Million