“Brian, you can’t be serious.” My wife stood by the door, hands on hips, while I tried to find my other shoe in the closet.  She’d been trying to convince me not to take the trip ever since she’d heard that I was going.

I found the shoe, buried way in the back under fifty others, and backed out of the closet.  “Leigh, honey, I wouldn’t go if there was any way out.  But I have to.”

She scowled at me, and I wished, again, that there was another way to take care of the problem without having her get angry with me.  Things were never good when Leighanne was mad at me.  But I had to do what I had to do.  Shoving my feet into my shoes and grabbing the bag I had packed, I headed towards the door.

“Brian.”

“Leighanne.”

“I hate when you do this.”

I hated it, too, but there were some things in life that I was honor-bound to do.  This was just one of them.  “I hate leaving you and Baylee, too, but I’ll be back soon.”

“Look, I’m sorry that his fiancée left him, too, Brian, but I don’t think running out to see him is going to make the situation any better.”

“He shouldn’t be alone.  You know it’s a bad idea to leave him alone when he’s hurting,” I reminded her.  I could tell by the look in her eyes that she, too, remembered those early years of our marriage when the break had left him hurting and then gotten him into trouble.

Leighanne folded her arms.  “Okay, fine.  I’d rather you talk to him than hear about him being arrested again.  Since Baylee’s decided he wants to grow up to be just like Uncle Nick, I’d rather he not see the bad stuff.”

“I love you, Leigh.” I kissed her and could feel her lips curve into a smile against mine.

“Yeah, yeah. I love you, too.”

Two hours later, after a short plane ride, I drove my rental car down the highway and took the exit for the bridge that I knew would lead to Clearwater.  It had been a long while since I’d been down here—the last time was when we’d done a show on our last tour.  Almost a year later, I was back.  But the circumstances weren’t exactly happy.

At the age of twenty-nine, Nick Carter had finally found true love and had been engaged faster than we could blink.  The rest of us really liked Jamie, too.  She was down to earth, sweet, and had a good sense of humor.  All qualities, Nick definitely needed.  Their wedding was to take place in three months’ time.

When Howie called me three days earlier to say that Jamie had left Nick, I’d been shocked.  I think all of us were.  What could have possibly gone wrong? No one knew, and, I think, Nick hadn’t offered up the information.  Instead, he’d holed himself up in his Clearwater home.

Kevin had called the day before to insist that I, living the closest to Nick, go down and see him.  Honestly, I don’t think I’m the right guy for the job because Nick and I stopped being close years ago.  Even though we’re still good friends, there are too many times where we get on each other’s last nerves.  But the other guys were tied up with their own lives.  Howie wouldn’t leave Leigh’s side because she was due to have their baby any day.  AJ and Rachel were on their honeymoon in Tahiti, and Kevin was in London.

So, there I was, driving down the palm tree lined roads.  I recognized Nick’s house the instant I turned onto his street, and pulled into the driveway behind his Range Rover. The shades were pulled on every window of his house, and, as I walked up the path to the front door, there wasn’t a single sound from inside the house.  Which is odd because, when Nick’s by himself, he blasts music at a level loud enough to kill your eardrums.

I rang the doorbell once, then twice, then three times.  Finally, I started pounding away on the door.  I was seeing red by the time Nick actually opened the door.  One look at his face had my anger disappearing instantly.

“Oh, Nick.”

He didn’t say anything when I stepped in and pulled him into a hug.  I have to admit, he smelled, and I figured he’d been too busy moping to worry about personal hygiene.  I guess if Leighanne left me, I’d probably do the same thing.

“I’m really sorry, Nick.” I kept an arm around his shoulders, awkward as it was for little old me to do so when he was half a foot taller than me.  

He shrugged a little, but I could see the tears, glossy in his dull blue eyes.  It hurt to see him like that.  “Me, too.” His voice was scratchy, as though it had been days since he’d spoken.  Which, come to think of it, it probably had been.

I glanced around his home as we walked towards the back of the house.  Everything was surprisingly neat and tidy.  There weren’t any dishes in the sink, but I could hear the dishwasher running, which meant, amazingly enough, that Nick was doing the dishes.  I guess I just figured he’d throw things around and refuse to do anything.  But he’s been surprising all of us lately.

Nick pushed open the back door, and we stepped onto the deck.  The smell of salt water immediately assaulted my nose, and I could hear the gulls cry out as they flew above us.  I studied Nick as he slumped into a chair at the table that was set out here.  Where there was no mess inside, there was definitely chaos out here.  

Masses of pages littered the wooden table and fell to the floor around it.  The wind lifted and moved some of them around, and, when one floated near my feet, I knelt and picked it up.  It was a pencil sketch of Jamie, a really good one, and I looked from the picture to where Nick sat, his eyes squeezed shut as though to keep anything from touching him.

“Nick.  Talk to me.” I sat next to him and noted that all of the pages were either sketches of Jamie or scrawled notes.  “I’m sorry about Jamie, but I’m worried about you.  All of us are.”

“So you decided to come down and see me miserable?” His voice was bitter. “Didn’t you have anything better to do, Brian? I didn’t think I was worthy of your time and attention.”

I knew it was the pain talking, knew it wasn’t Nick saying these words.  It had been a long, long time since I’d seen him this way, and I wondered how I could get through to him.  “Don’t say that, Nick.  You know I love you.  I’m worried about you.” Taking a chance, I put my hand on his arm and was surprised when he didn’t shrug it off.  “What happened?”

He was quiet for a long time, but I knew he’d heard my question.  His body had stiffened, and more tears had slipped and slid down his cheeks.  After a while, he shrugged and opened his red-rimmed, puffy eyes.  The blue of his eyes was darkened with pain and stood out shockingly against the red.  “I fucked up, the way everyone knew I would.  Remember when I said that love wasn’t for me? Well, I was right.”

“No, you weren’t.” I shook his shoulder a little.  “Nick, you know you weren’t wrong.  Jamie was perfect for you, and you two were in love.  Everyone could see that.  God, Nick, we were all so happy for you.”

“Yeah, well, I screwed up.”

“How? What happened? What do you think you did that messed things up?”

Nick stared at his hands for a few seconds before he looked up at me again.  “We got into a fight a month and a half ago, and I really hurt her.  Things were weird for a while.” His voice began to shake.  “Three days ago, she told me she was pregnant.”

“Nick.” I couldn’t believe it.  Nick was going to be a father.  My heart swelled with pride and joy for him, even as it hurt for him because things were obviously not right.

“It’s not mine, Brian.”

So much, I thought, for pride and joy.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Nick muttered. “Oh.  I screwed up, and she goes and gets knocked up by some guy.  If I hadn’t hurt her-”

“No, Nick.  Stop.” I squeezed his shoulder.  “Listen to me.  No matter how much you hurt her, if she really cared about you, she wouldn’t have cheated on you.” I was still having a hard time equating the absolutely wonderful Jamie to the cheating one.

Nick shook his head sadly.  “I really thought I’d found her, you know? I thought I’d found someone who would love me no matter what. The one who didn’t see dollar signs when she looked at me.  Who would stick by me through thick and thin.  And then, I messed it all up.”

I hated seeing him like this.  This Nick was nowhere near the happy, carefree, and, often, careless Nick I knew.  This Nick was broken, a shell of what he could be.  “You didn’t.  Whatever you did still doesn’t justify what she did.  I’m sorry, Nick, but this isn’t your fault.”  But I knew that it would still be a while before he would be ready to understand and accept that.

I leaned back in my chair, and we both watched the last rays of sunshine hit the blue of the water.  There were people walking on the white sands of the beach, and I could see a little girl dodging in and out of the waves as her father watched after her.  It reminded me of Baylee and me when we go to the beach.  He’s still not completely convinced that the water isn’t going to suck him under, so he lets his feet get wet and then runs back out.  The only time he’ll get out there is when I carry him in.

Leighanne says I spoil him.  That he’s six years old and shouldn’t be so scared of the ocean, but I’d rather protect my son.  He’ll find out that the world is full of terrible things soon enough.  As long as I can, I want him to remain innocent.

The way Nick no longer is.

I turned my head and could see that the tears had dried on his cheeks, but he looked so defeated.  There was not an ounce of innocence left in Nick, and I wished that I could go back to the time when we were just starting out in the business.  Before Lou had screwed us over, before Nick’s parents had gone off the deep end, before so many things had made us grow up too quickly.

“Hey, Nick.” I waited until he looked at me.  “Remember that time we put the rubber snake in Howie’s bed, and he screamed like a girl for five minutes, even after Kevin figured out it was fake?”

“Jeez, Brian, that was, like, twelve years ago.” But his lips twitched a little at the memory.  “Kevin was so pissed at us.  I thought his head would explode.”

I grinned.  “He was just mad because he’d been about to get lucky with Kris, and then Howie wrecked it by yelling at the top of his lungs.”

“Whatever, he gets a lifetime of getting lucky with Kristin, now.” And, just like that, Nick’s eyes filled again.  “The way I won’t with Jamie.  Oh, god, Brian, I really love her.  Why can’t anything go right for me?”

I didn’t know what to say, so I reached over and hugged him.  When he held onto me, tight, I patted his back.  “You’ll get through this, Nick.  I’m right here.”

***

Later, I forced Nick to take a shower.

“I can’t stand the stench, man.” Exaggerating, I covered my nose and waved my hand around.  “It’s like a fog of odor’s following you around.  Go take a shower and put clean clothes on.  Please! I’m begging you.”

Nick just shrugged.  “I guess I will if it’s that bad.”

“Brush your teeth, too,” I called after him as he climbed the stairs.  “Who knows what kind of creatures are crawling around in your mouth.”

The words he yelled over his shoulder made me grin.  He didn’t know it yet, but Nick Carter was slowly coming back.

I wondered when the last time he’d eaten was and decided to check out the kitchen.  His refrigerator held moldy cheese, an entire six-pack of beer, two eggs, and his car keys.  I picked up the keys and chuckled.  Only Nick would think to refrigerate his keys.

The contents of his pantry were pretty bad, too.  There were three boxes of Lucky Charms, and I rolled my eyes.  He was nearly thirty and still ate like a ten-year-old.  Obviously, there was nothing truly edible in the house, so I rummaged through his drawers, looking for a phone book.

Forty-five minutes later, Nick emerged, hair still dripping, and stared at the boxes sitting on the kitchen table.  “Where’d those come from?”

“A pretty terrific invention called delivery,” I replied and handed him a plate.  “I bet you haven’t eaten anything resembling real food in a while, so you better eat.”

He pulled open the first box, and, as I watched, inhaled the aroma.  I swear, I saw the drool practically drip down his chin.  “Heaven,” he said and lifted the first slice of pizza.

I didn’t say anything as he ate.  I was glad that he hadn’t sunk so low that he wouldn’t want to eat.  We all know Nick loves food, but, there have been some really dark times when he’s so upset he doesn’t eat at all.  Seeing him eat now was reassuring.  He would bounce back.

“I have to call everyone and tell them the wedding’s off,” he said after several slices of pizza.

I looked up at him, surprised.  It was the first time I hadn’t had to coax out information about Jamie or the wedding from him.  “I think word will travel pretty fast, Nick.  And if you still want to call everyone, I’ll help you out.”

“Thanks.” He stared off into space for a few moments, then sighed.  “I had it all planned out, Brian.  It felt like a frickin’ puzzle piece fell into place when I met Jamie, and I knew exactly how the future was gonna be.  This time, next year, I thought I’d be working on the new album with you guys and maybe Jamie would be pregnant with our first kid.” He shook his head, his eyes getting that lost look in them again.  “Now, she’ll be taking care of her first kid with whoever the dad is.”

I pushed my plate away as I lost my appetite.  His sadness was a tangible thing, and it cloaked the room.  “Sometimes, you can’t plan how life is going to be.  When I was a kid, I thought I’d be working in a church or something, you know? And look where I am now.  Where we are now.”

“Yeah, but you still have the perfect family.  I’ve always been jealous of you.”

I’d always wondered if he had been, but, hearing that it was true was still a jolt.  “Well, I was always jealous of you, too.”

His head snapped up, and he stared at me, shocked.  “Me? You were jealous of me? What’s wrong with you?”

If it had been any other time, I would’ve laughed.  Now, I just nodded.  “Yep.  I was jealous of all the attention you got because you were the youngest, you were the blond one, the cute one, the one all the girls screamed for.”

“They screamed for you, too,” he tried to point out, but I shook my head.

“No, Nick.  If it hadn’t been for you, the Backstreet Boys wouldn’t have gotten as big as they did.  I was jealous that you were the indispensable one.  Sometimes, I still am.” It was hard to admit these things out loud to both of us because it was the first time I’d ever allowed myself to understand why it was so easy for me to blame things on him.  Maybe I was exaggerating a little bit for his benefit, but it wasn’t as though I hadn’t thought of these things before.  “If it weren’t for you, do you really think anyone would notice us? Without the young blond one, Howie, Bone, and I are just a bunch of washed up-looking singers stuck in the past.”

Nick scowled.  “That’s not true, Brian, and you know it.  We’re a team, we stick together.  I am what I am because of you guys.  So just take back what you said because it’s a dirty, dirty lie!”

I liked seeing the spark in his eyes, liked that there was still fury in him instead of the pain.  “I can’t take back the truth, Prick.”

“It’s not the truth!” He shoved away from the table and began to pace.  “Have you ever heard yourself sing? Have you ever heard how the fans scream when you do?”

“They scream more for you,” I said, hoping he’d fire up some more.

“Bullshit, Brian.  That’s just fucking bullshit.” He jabbed a finger at me.  “You need to get over whatever this lame inferiority complex is.  You never had it before.”

I raised an eyebrow.  “How do you know? Do you live in my head? No,” I answered before he could.  “You don’t.  You stand there and talk about how fucked up your life is, and how no one will ever love you, but you’re wrong that you’re the only one who hasn’t gotten everything he wants out of life.”

I dumped my plate into the sink and walked out the back door and onto the beach, leaving Nick staring after me in shock.

“How’s it going down there?” Howie sounded worried, and he was probably right to worry.  I didn’t think I was going about this business of taking care of Nick well.  After all, instead of consoling him, I was yelling at him to grow up.

“Uh, well, it’s complicated.  The whole thing’s complicated.” I told Howie what had happened between Nick and Jamie, though I still didn’t know what it was Nick had said to Jamie that made her run off and into some other guy’s bed.

Howie was quiet for a few seconds.  “Wow.  Well, how’s he doing?”

“He’s angry.  At me. At himself.  The world in general.” I slipped my shoes off before sand could get into them and began to walk towards the water.  There was plenty of moonlight, and it was a peaceful spot.

“Anger’s the second stage of grief.” Howie sighed.  “Where is he, right now?”

“Oh, I pissed him off well, and he’s sulking in the house somewhere.” I knelt to pick up a wet fragment of shell and rubbed it between my fingers as I walked.  “I’d rather see him mad than as upset and broken as he was when I got here this afternoon.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him that he wasn’t the only one who has insecurities about life.  That he needs to get over it.” I stopped and stared out at the ocean in front of me.  I was close enough to the water that the waves lapped at my toes.  It was nice out here, and I understood why Nick chose to make his home as close to water as possible.  “He was pretty shocked that I would kick him when he was down.”

“Brian! Why would you do that?” Howie sounded furious now.  “If I had known that you would just go down there to hurt him some more, I would’ve gone instead.  Way to go, pal. Way to be a supportive friend.”

I chuckled at Howie’s reaction.  “D, relax.  It’s got him thinking, and he’s not sitting on his deck sketching pictures of Jamie anymore.  It’s better that he’s angry rather than wallowing in misery.  You didn’t see him.  I did.”

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Howie asked with a resigned sigh.

“Mostly.” I turned to glance back at the house.  Nick was nowhere to be seen, so I figured he was holed up somewhere.  “You know, D, I wish Jamie had been killed or something instead of getting pregnant with another guy’s kid.  It would’ve been easier to deal with.”

“Brian!” Howie’s gasp was shocked.  “What the hell are you saying?”

“I know it sounds horrible, but, if she’d died, we wouldn’t be dealing with his broken heart.  It’s painful to see him like this, to see him wishing for her.”

“He wants her back after what she did?”

I sighed.  “He thinks it’s his fault that she cheated.”

“What?!” I love when Howie gets angry.  You just want to pinch his cheeks or something.  Not that I would, but I’m just saying…

“Yeah, that’s what he’s holding on to, and I think that convincing him otherwise is my best bet at helping him out.” At least, I hoped it was.  Honestly, I’ve never been a pro at the whole relationship and feelings thing.  Sure, I have a wife and kid, but it was just dumb luck that I found Leighanne.  I still don’t understand women in general, and what to do after a woman’s stomped all over your heart? Pft. Forget it.  My remedy would be to pretend it never happened and act happy.  You act enough, there comes a day when you actually believe it.

Howie sighed again.  “Do you want me to come out and help?”

“No, no.  You need to stay with Leigh.” I watched the water for a few more seconds before turning back towards the house.  “I think I can muddle through this on my own.  Maybe it won’t be perfect, and he probably won’t be absolutely fine at the end, but I think I can handle it.”

“Okay,” Howie said after a couple seconds.  “Keep me posted.  Kevin keeps calling, and you know how annoyed he gets when he calls long-distance and there’s nothing new to tell him.”

Oh, Kevin.  He’d never be far from us because he was still keeping his eye on us.  “Sure, yeah.  I gotta go, Howie.  I think I’ve let him stew enough.”

“Good luck.”

As I climbed the stairs to the deck, I figured I’d need that luck.  When I opened the door, the first thing I saw was the pizza.  No, it wasn’t on the table.  It was stuck to the wall.  

“Yep. Anger,” I muttered to myself.  “Anger’s good.  Second step.”

I picked my way through the pieces of broken glass on the floor and went searching for Nick.  When I didn’t find him anywhere on the first floor and noticed that the house was silent, my first thought was that he’d gone out.  Panicked now because I didn’t want him roaming the streets when he was upset, I checked the driveway and saw that all the cars were where they were supposed to be.

“Nick!” I started up the stairs to the second floor.  “Nick Carter! If you’re alive, you better answer or I’ll kill you myself!”

When he didn’t answer, I ran up the rest of the steps and pushed open every door until I found him in his bedroom, hunched over a picture of him and Jamie.

“Nick.”

He looked up at me, and I could see the tears swimming in his eyes again.  “Brian, I want her back.  I’ll do anything.  She said that it wasn’t fair to me to have to deal with her and someone else’s baby, but I’ll do it.  I just want Jamie back.” He slid off the bed, his hands still gripping the picture.  “I’m going to go find her.”

“No.” I figured we’d just moved at lightning speed from anger to bargaining.  “Nick, you can’t have her back.  You know it’s not a good idea.”

“Yes, it is!” There was still a spark of anger in his eyes.  “I love her and she loves me! How is being with her a bad idea?”

I pushed him back down on the bed and looked into his bloodshot eyes.  “Nick, she cheated on you.  I don’t care how much you hurt her, if she’d truly loved you, she wouldn’t have done it.”

“How do you know? You only met her a few times.  You don’t know what she was really like.”

“You’re right,” I said calmly. “I met her a few times, and I liked her.  I certainly didn’t expect her to cheat on you because I thought you guys were in love.”

Nick swiped at the tears on his face, and the gesture and his expression reminded me of Baylee.  “We are in love, and we’ll get married if I go and talk to her.  Beg her to forgive me.”

“I think it would be better if you forgave her.  She betrayed you.”

“Well, she wouldn’t have if I hadn’t hurt her by telling her that her work was useless, and she should be happy that, once we got married, she wouldn’t have to do it anymore!”

I didn’t know what to say to that for a little while.  I remembered how passionate Jamie had been about her position as a music teacher in an elementary school in downtown Tampa.  It just didn’t make sense, though, that something like that, no matter how hurtful, would send a woman into someone else’s arms.  “Nick.”

“You know I’m right, Brian! I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because I’m an asshole.  If I go find her and apologize a million times, everything will be the way it’s supposed to be again.” Nick was seriously convinced that his way was going to work.  That all their relationship needed was apologies, and they’d be back to normal

“I know you want Jamie back, Nick.  But it would be wrong for both of you.  And think about that baby she’s carrying.  You’d always resent it a little because it’s not yours.  It wouldn’t be fair to the baby, either.” I gripped his shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.  “Think about it, Nick.  Really think.”

He stared at me for a long, long time.  I wondered what he was thinking, if he’d heard what I said, or if he was still in his own fantasy world where difficult things could be easily fixed.

“Can you just give me some space?” Nick asked after a while.

Surprised, I stepped back and let go of him.  “Sure.  I, uh, I’ll go clean up the mess downstairs.  If you need me, just holler.” I stopped at the door and looked back at him.  He still sat, his eyes fixed on the floor.  Poor kid, I couldn’t help but think.  “Don’t go out, Nick.  Don’t do it.”

He didn’t look up.

***

Nick didn’t go out that first night, and he didn’t leave his room the second day.  I had to practically force him to eat something.  The pounds were sliding off of him, and it felt like whatever progress I’d made for a little while had just gone downhill again.  Part of me wanted to go find Jamie for him and make him happy.

Late at night, I could hear him crying.  The last time I’d heard him cry was way back in the beginning of the Backstreet Boys when he’d been homesick.  Now, over fifteen years later, it was hard to listen to, but I knew he had to work his way through the pain.  As his friend, I knew I just had to stay close.

On the third day that I was there, the doorbell rang.  I wondered if one of the others had decided to come down to help.  Nick was still in his room, and, after consulting Google, I’d figured out that he was working his way through the depression stage of grief, which meant he was almost on the other side.

When I opened the door, the last person I expected to see was Jamie.  

“Brian.” Her voice was quiet, and she looked about as well as Nick did.  Which wasn’t saying much at all.  “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, I didn’t really make a public announcement about it,” I answered.  “What are you doing here, Jamie?” She was the last person Nick needed to see.  He was doing so well, and seeing Jamie would definitely be a setback.

Her knuckles were white as her fingers clutched her bag, and her eyes were puffy, as though she, too, had been crying.  “I needed to see Nick.  I know I’ve made a mistake,” she added quickly.  She must’ve seen my expression.  “I just need to explain myself to him.”

“I’m sorry, Jamie.” I blocked her way into the house.  After all, I had a friend to protect.  “This isn’t a good idea.”

“Jamie?”

I turned around and found Nick standing in the middle of the staircase.  “Nick, I thought you were still sleeping.”

He ignored me and hurried down the stairs.  There was a tiny flicker of hope on his face, and I knew things were going to be bad after this visit.  “Jamie, what are you doing here? I thought—I was sure you were gone for good.”

“I’m sorry, Nick.  I really am.  I just need to talk to you.  Please.”

Nick is such a marshmallow, and, even as I wanted to slam the door in Jamie’s face, he was letting her in.  Things, I decided, were obviously going to get worse before they got better.  And we’d been doing so well.

There was no way I was going to leave them alone.  Who knew what Jedi mind tricks she was going to pull on Nick, and I didn’t want him hurt anymore than he’d already been hurt.

Jamie sat in armchair, and Nick sat across from her.  I decided to post myself next to Nick on the couch, so I could see Jamie’s face.  One wrong move, I thought protectively, and she was gone.

“Nick, I really am sorry about what happened,” she began, and I just wanted to roll my eyes.  I was not doing well here.  “I didn’t mean to sleep with someone else.  I was just so upset and angered by that fight we’d had, and, before I knew it, I’d done it.”

Nick didn’t say anything.  With his hands folded in his lap, he just watched her quietly.  His eyes, even with the dark circles under them, were clearer than they’d been in the past two days.

When he didn’t speak, Jamie started to look more nervous.  “Nick, I know we can’t go back and undo the past, but I don’t want to give up on the future.  Our future.” Her hands were fisted in her lap.  “I know what I said last week, but I didn’t mean it.  Please, if we can forgive each other, we can be happy again.  We can get married.”

If Nick realized that her words were practically identical to the ones he’d yelled at me before, he didn’t mention it.  Clearly, Jamie was still stuck on the bargaining portion of her grief.  I wondered what Nick would do.

“I’m sorry, too, Jamie.  I really do love you, and I really want to marry you, too.” Oh, for the sake of the sweet baby Jesus! Don’t do this, Nick, I thought.  Don’t ruin your life.  “But I don’t think we can.”

I think I was just as surprised as Jamie at Nick’s words.  

“Nick, please.”

He shook his head and cut off her pleas.  “No, Jamie.  It’s taken me a while to get it, but I know what’s best for me.  And it’s not you.  Not anymore.” He glanced at me and smiled a little.  “I miss you so much, but I think we’ll just hurt each other more by being together.”

Jamie stood up then, fresh tears trickling down her face.  “Are you sure, Nick? Are you so sure that you want to throw us away?”

“I didn’t throw us away,” he said gently.  “You did.  If you really loved me, you wouldn’t be pregnant with someone else’s kid.  I’m sorry, but the answer’s no.”

She didn’t hang around for too much longer after that.  We stood by the living room window and watched her go.  When her car turned at the corner and disappeared, Nick sighed and sank onto the couch.

“I did the right thing.” His voice was no longer sure.  “I did the right thing, didn’t I? Tell me I did.”

I sat next to him.  “You did.  I’m proud of you, Nick.  You’re going to be just fine.”

“I hope so.” He stared at his hands for several moments of silence before he looked up again.  “Brian, you said something the other day.  It made me think.”

“I said a lot of things,” I tried to joke, but I knew it had fallen flat.  “What is it?”

His expression was so serious that it scared me a little.  “You said that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t get what I wanted out of life.  That everyone went through hard times.” He sighed.  “In my heart, I know you’re right.  My head just needs to catch up.”

I patted his shoulder, glad that some of my words had gotten through.  “Nick, you’re going to be okay.”

“I’m glad you came, Brian.  I’m really glad you came.” His hand gripped mine hard.  “You didn’t have to, and I’m sure Leighanne wasn’t happy about it.”

I shrugged.  “I know how to get around her.  And, of course, I had to come.  I couldn’t just abandon you, could I?  We’ve been friends for more than half our lives, and it’s a little late for me to just forget about you.”

“Have you been sending Kevin daily reports about me?” he asked.  There was a small smile on his face, since he already knew the answer.  My cousin is nothing if not predictable when it comes to taking care of the people he cares about.

“Yes, I have. AJ and Howie know, too.”

“AJ’s too busy having sex on his honeymoon to worry about me.”

I shook my head.  “Nuh-uh.  That’s where you’re wrong, oh young one.  All of us care, and you know it.  We’re a team.  All for one and one for all.”

“That’s the Three Musketeers,” he said.  “And it’s cheesy.”

“I like cheese.  What’s wrong with cheese?”

He threw a pillow at me, but, what I’ll remember, is that he was smiling when he did.  Oh, yes.  Nick Carter was going to be just fine.

***

I stayed for two more days, and, while there were more unhappy moments than happy ones, Nick was getting himself through the pain. I wasn’t worried about the ending anymore because he’d made the right decision for himself and knew it, too.

While we didn’t exactly get back to the way we’d been when we were younger, helping him through his pain definitely brought Nick and I closer.  I really did love the kid, as angry as he could make me.  I figured I probably did the same to him, too, but it made me feel good to be the rock he held onto in his dark moments.

The day of my flight back, we ate lunch out on his deck and watched all the people on the beach.  With our feet propped up on the table, we were pretty peaceful.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave,” Nick said at one point.

I actually felt the same way and was surprised.  “Me, too,” I answered honestly. “But I have to get home.  You could come with me, you know.  Leighanne won’t mind.  Baylee’ll go through the roof.”

He smiled at that but shook his head.  “Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m just gonna hang out here.  Maybe play around in the studio a little.  You know, to get ready for when we go back in the studio in a couple months.”

“True.”

A few more minutes passed before he spoke up again.  “Why did you come, Brian?”

I knew the question was bound to come up sooner or later.  “Because I wanted to.  Because none of us wanted you left alone.”

“If one of the others could have come, would you have shown up anyway?” He looked right at me as he waited for my answer, and I knew I couldn’t lie.

“Probably not,” I told him.  He nodded, and I wasn’t sure if he was bothered by it or not.  “I think I would’ve missed out on a lot,” I added honestly.  “Seriously, Nick.  I am glad that I came.  Maybe I wasn’t in the beginning, but I’m glad it was me and not one of the others.”

“Me, too.” He looked back out at the ocean again.  “You know, you guys are going to have to stop treating me like a baby one of these days.”

I snorted.  “Yeah right.  That’ll be the day.”

“No, seriously.  Some day, you won’t be able to drop everything and come to my rescue.  You gotta let me stand on my own feet.”

“I’d say you’re doing an okay job of that all on your own.” I reached for a can of soda and popped it open as I studied his profile.  “Look at how you were when Jamie stopped by.”

He shook his head.  “I would have said yes, Brian.  If you hadn’t talked to me, I would’ve said yes and made the biggest mistake of my life.”

“But you didn’t, and that’s the important thing.” I checked my watch and realized the time had come to leave.  “I should get going, Nick.  I’ve only got an hour and a half before my flight leaves.”

We cleared the table in silence.  I picked up my bag from where it sat at the bottom of the stairs and turned to him.

“Take care of yourself, okay? And, remember, I’m just a phone call away.” I hugged him hard and smiled when he held on just a little longer.

Nick was smiling as I pushed open the door.  “Thanks for everything, Brian.  I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Crashed and burned,” I joked and grinned when he chuckled.

“Seriously.  Have a safe trip.”

I looked at him for another second, and, suddenly, a song popped into my head.  Random, I know, but it seemed perfect at this moment.  “Hey, Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll be there for you! These five words I swear to you,” I sang, and, when he recognized the tune, he started to laugh.  It felt great hearing that laugh, and, cheesy at it was, he joined me to finish out the lyrics.

“I’ll be there for you.”