Time slips by us without warning or wait. The ones we love and care about one minute can be gone the next. If we live in the past, we are doomed to be unhappy. If we live in the present, we are doomed to be merely content. But when we live for the future, we are blessed.

 

There will always be people trying to steal your happiness. Sometimes we let them, but sometimes we fight back for what we love. And the things worth having are the ones worth fighting for.

 

This is a story of struggle and passion. It's a story of a love lost, returning with a force unmatched. It's a story of one girl's sacrifice, and how everything can turn itself around in the blink of an eye. It's a story of pain, heartache, and courage. It's a story of love.

“Hey, Bri, are you trying to imitate Mr. Yates again, because that sweater looks like it has to be at LEAST 400 years old?” I teased, as he ran into choir, barely making it before the bell rang.

 

“Alright, class, let’s warm up,” Mr. Turner yelled, turning around to face the piano.

 

“Ha ha ha. You’re SO funny, Mel!” Brian responded, the sarcasm dripping from his voice, as we tried to hold a conversation and warm up at the same time.

 

“Seriously, though, what’s with the Mr. Roger’s outfit?” I asked, making a quick inspection as he got situated.

                        

“It’s for Intro to Business. We were supposed to pretend like we had an interview with a company. I went last, so I didn’t have time to change,” he offered.

 

I just nodded, trying to stifle a yawn.

 

“Tired?” he asked, noticing my unsuccessful cover-up.

 

“I had this killer project for English that kept me up all night,” I sighed, as another yawn managed to escape.

 

“Knowing you, I’m sure it’s brilliant,” he smiled. I just nodded, too tired to even acknowledge his compliment.

 

And so another choir class started. We had been working hard for our annual end-of-the-year performance coming up the following month. We were doing some traditional songs, but we were also doing an original composition from one of our senior classmates, Brandon, and a rag time performance, complete with dancing.

 

I had always been a shy person, never really having a lot of friends, but also not a total misfit. I had a few friends at school, but I wouldn’t consider myself popular by any means. There were only about three or four people I saw regularly outside of school, and one of them was my friend Brian Littrell. We had met our freshman year at Tates Creek High, in choir, and had been friends ever since. He was one of the few people who had made the effort to get to know me, and because of it, he was one of the few people I had opened up to.

 

We were now in our junior year of high school, though Brian was a year older than everyone else. He had been held back a grade when he was younger due to extended hospitalization because of a heart defect. Luckily, Brian survived and was planning on going into ministry music, and I was hoping to pursue my dream of being a radio DJ.

 

“Mr. Littrell, Ms. Davis, you’re up,” Mr. Turner called. Brian and I were usually always partners when it came to the dance routines because we usually ended up with the leads. Brian has the voice of an angel when he sang, and many people said the same thing about me.

 

The routine started out with just Brian and I onstage, singing the intro, before the rest of the choir rushed onstage, joining in. I knew that most of the girls in class were jealous of the fact that I got to be Brian’s partner because he was one of the most popular guys in school, but he was one of the few that didn’t have an ego or any ulterior motives. To most of the female student body, that made him perfect. I won’t lie and say that I didn’t find the guy attractive, but he was my friend, so it was kind of hard for me to see him in the romantic way. Besides, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I had too much other stuff going on; I didn’t really have time for a boyfriend.

 

As we were rehearsing, every time Mr. Turner would turn his back to us, Brian and I started acting up, causing the class to crack up. However, we had become experts at avoiding getting caught, so Mr. Turner could never really blame anything on us.

 

Choir went by in a blur, like it always did. I loved singing and performing, so it always seemed like time just sped by in that class. Brian and I gathered our bags, making our way to Mr. Yates’ history class, our last class of the day.

 

We were sitting in our chairs, laughing about something or another when we heard a cough behind us. We turned around to find Mr. Yates glaring down at the both of us. “Mr. Littrell, you’re wanted in the office,” he said, handing Brian a note, before walking to the front of the room. Since most high school kids haven’t matured past 5th grade, the whole crowd started ‘oooh’ing and making calls like “Someone’s in trou-ble.”

 

I didn’t see Brian for the rest of class, only seeing him again in the parking lot after school.

 

“Hey Bri. What happened in the office? You didn’t come back to class,” I questioned as soon as I reached him.

 

“My cousin called. I’m flying down to Florida tonight,” he responded, obviously trying to hold back his excitement until he could gage my reaction.

 

“You’re going WHERE?” I screeched.

 

            “Florida. My cousin is in a singing group, and they’re looking for one more member. I’m going to try out, but I’m sure I’ll be back by the end of the week,” Brian explained, trying to ease my shock.

 

            “I’m never going to see you again, am I?” I asked sadly. “You’re going to go off and become this huge internationally known star, and I’m going to be stuck in my boring, mundane life. Who else is going to make fun of Mr. Yates with me? Who is going to be my partner in the choir performances?”

 

            “Don’t be silly Mel. There’s no way I’m going to forget about my friends back home. And what do you mean who will be your partner? Do you KNOW how many guys have asked me to trade partners with them over the years?” he joked.

 

            “Yeah right! You KNOW how shy I am,” I scoffed. “Besides, it won’t be the same as dancing with you. I’m not really friends with most of the people in choir. We can’t all be as social and popular as you.”

 

            “You’ll be fine,” Brian promised, pulling me in for a hug.

 

            “I’m going to miss you, Bri,” I whispered, afraid to talk too loud in fear of breaking down.

 

            “I’ll miss you too, but I’ll call while I’m there. I promise. And like I said, I’m sure I’ll be back by the end of the week,” he promised. “I’ve got to go home and pack.” I just nodded, knowing I would cry if I spoke. “Bye, Mel,” he called, climbing into his car and speeding away, a smile on his face.

 

            “Bye Bri,” I whispered to the empty parking lot, the tears slowly tracking their way down my cheeks.

 

            I had been right when I said I would never hear from Brian again. Sure, he called a couple times over the next months, but then it was like he disappeared off the face of the earth. Every time I called him, I would get the answering machine, and he never returned any of my calls, so I eventually gave up.

 

            A couple of years after he left, his band started gaining popularity overseas, so they started doing shows in Europe and Asia. When they finally made it big in the U.S., I was living in Atlanta, working at one of the top stations in the area, Star 94.

 

            When Brian had called in his old choir classmates to help him with the song “The Perfect Fan,” I was on an assignment in L.A. and unable to attend.

 

Life went on, and eventually, I got promoted to the morning show, becoming one of only a few solo morning hosts on American radio. I still did the occasional concert feed or celebrity interview, and I had become one of the most popular DJs in the Atlanta area. I had changed my on-air alias to Hope Davis, instead of using my first name, Melanie. It helped me keep some of my privacy, which I was grateful for. Every so often, though, I find myself wondering what Brian was up to and if he even remembered me.

Ring…ring…ring…

 

“Whoever the hell this is better have a damn good reason for calling me this early on my day off,” I mumbled into the phone, half-asleep.

 

“Mel, it’s Roger,” my boss said into the phone. I didn’t even have to hear another word to know why he was calling.

 

I sighed, beginning to drag myself out of bed. “I’ll be there in 20,” I said, hanging up.

 

It wasn’t rare for the station to call me on my days off, asking me to come in for a special interview or event. I had been at a concert, broadcasting until 2 in the morning the previous night, and had spent the next 2 hours recording the voice track for my morning show. Normally, I didn’t voice track my show, but Roger gave me the go-ahead since I had covered last night’s concert at the last minute AND managed to score an impromptu interview with the artist, Kelly Clarkson. Even though I was supposed to have the morning off, I loved my job and was willing to come in whenever they needed me. That was probably the reason they continued to call me for these assignments. Well… that and the fact that I was the best writer/interviewer the station had.

 

Ten minutes later, I was showered and in my car, heading toward the station. As soon as I was parked, I jumped out of the car, rushing into the building, searching through my purse for the keys to my office. I probably should have been watching where I was going because the next thing I knew, I was on my ass, dazed and trying to figure out how I ended up on the floor.

 

“Oh my God! I’m SO sorry!” a male voice apologized, bending down to help me gather the spilled contents of my purse.

 

“Thanks, but it’s not your fault. I really should have been paying attention,” I laughed, trying to get my stuff as quickly as possible.

 

The stranger laughed as well. “Mel! What are you doing here? I thought it was your day off!” my friend and co-worker, John, asked, walking up and offering me a hand.

 

“Roger called me in,” I laughed, causing John to shake his head at me.

 

I turned to the stranger, a gasp leaving my lips when I saw his face for the first time. His face pretty much mirrored mine, shock written all over our expressions.

 

“Mel? Melanie Davis?” he asked.

 

“Brian! What are you doing here?” I asked, not believing my eyes.

 

“I should be asking you the same question!”

 

“I work here. I’m the host of the morning show,” I explained, still staring at him like he was a figment of my imagination.

 

“Oh. I always told you, you could do it,” he smiled.

 

“Yeah, you did,” I smiled back.

 

I jumped as I felt something vibrate against my hip. Realizing it was my cell phone, I pulled it out, seeing my boss’ name on the caller ID. “Shit! Brian, I’m sorry, but I have to go,” I sighed, regrettably.

 

I had almost forgotten John was there until he spoke up. “I’ll walk with you!”

 

“Wait! First, can you tell me where to find Roger Hammond?” Brian asked, glancing at a piece of paper he pulled out of his pocket.

 

“Yeah… sure… no problem,” I agreed, giving him a strange look as I tried to figure out why he was looking for Roger.

 

When we reached Production Studio A, I knocked softly, waiting for Roger to open the door. “Brian! Mel! I see you two have met,” Roger greeted, leading us both into the room.

 

“Umm… yeah,” I nodded, turning to acknowledge Brian briefly before returning my attention to Roger. “What’s going on?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

 

“Brian asked to come in and address some of the rumors about AJ’s relapse and what has been going on,” Roger half-questioned, looking at Brian, who nodded his affirmation.

 

“Oh. Why do you need me, then?” I asked.

 

Roger sighed, acting like it was the most obvious answer in the world. “You’re the best we’ve got for improv. We didn’t have time to prep anyone.”

 

I just nodded, knowing he was right. “Ok.”

 

I quickly made my way into the booth, getting ready and set up for the interview.

 

I waited until Brian was situated before turning to the producer, Austin, waiting for his signal to come in.

 

When he nodded at me, I started talking. “The Backstreet Boys just finished the North American leg of the Black and Blue Tour, and already gossip magazines are abuzz with Backstreet news. Some say Nick Carter’s solo album has caused a rift in the group. Others talk of a possible relapse for the resident bad-boy, AJ McLean. We are lucky enough to have an expert in all things Backstreet in the studio this morning to help us sort fact from fiction, Brian Littrell. Thank you for coming, Brian.”

 

“I was happy to come,” Brian smiled. “Plus, I think it’s necessary for the group’s survival for me to clear up some of the confusion.”

 

“Well then, let’s clear out some of this garbage. Fact or fiction: Nick Carter’s solo album has caused a rift in the group?”

 

“That’s 100% fiction. All of us are extremely proud of Nick, and we give him our full support on his solo endeavors. It’s something he has been thinking about doing for a long time, and we’re so happy that he finally has the opportunity to follow through.” I could tell Brian wasn’t being completely honest, but I was NOT about to call him out on the air.

 

“So then, is this the end of the Backstreet Boys?” I asked.

 

“Not by a long shot. We’re all take some much-needed time off, but we are very much still a group. I promise, this is not the end. There WILL be another Backstreet Boys album sometime in the future,” Brian promised. It amazed me how much he had changed. When Mr. Turner had first mentioned that Brian could make a living with his voice, Brian had just laughed it off, not taking it seriously. But to see him now, to see how much he loved his job, it was like looking at a different person.

 

“I can still remember a time when you scoffed at the idea of singing for a living,” I laughed, causing Brian to smile fondly at the memory. “When Mr. Turner first suggested it, you thought he was crazy. A lot has changed over the years, I see.”

 

“I remember. We used to joke about it all the time,” Brian reminisced.

 

“Fact or fiction: Tates Creek High has decided to name their new auditorium after you?” I asked, laughing quietly at Brian’s scrunched up nose.

 

“Fiction. I didn’t even know that rumor was out there,” he admitted. “Sometimes people come up with the most random stuff, and it’s hard to keep up with everything the media is saying about us. I usually just try to brush it off, but being a celebrity is like being popular in high school; everybody is trying to get the latest scoop, and it spreads quickly.”

 

“Fact or fiction: AJ McLean has relapsed after being treated for alcohol addiction last year?”

 

“Fact.” Brian’s face turned somber, as I saw him struggling to keep control. “It’s hard watching one of my friends go through something like this, but knowing that there is nothing you can do. He has to do it on his own, or else it will never last. I just hate not being able to help him through this. No matter what, AJ has all of our support, and we love him very much. We know that he can do it.”

 

“AJ has the support of millions around the world, but I’m sure he feels blessed to know that his best friends are there for him, even through his time of trouble,” I comforted, grasping Brian’s hand on he table as a sign of support.

 

We continued the interview for another 10 minutes, but Brian decided to stick around until the end of the show, bantering back and forth with me like we used to do in high school. At the end of the show, Roger came in, a mischievous grin spread across his face. “What?” I asked, suspiciously.

 

Roger turned to Brian, addressing him and ignoring me completely. “Brian, can I speak to you for a second?”

 

Brian stared at Roger, nodding and following him into the production studio. I watched them with a keen eye, trying to decipher what was being said, but to no avail. Finally, I saw Brian and Roger shake hands before making their way back into the booth.

 

“Mel, Brian’s going to be your new Friday morning co-host! The listeners are going to love your history and chemistry!” Roger exclaimed, obviously excited.

 

“You want HIM to be my WHAT?” I exclaimed.

 

“While Brian and the Boys are on hiatus, he’s going to join you on Friday mornings as your special co-host,” Roger explained, giving me a look that said, ‘I’m your boss, so don’t argue with me.’

 

I just gave them both a blank look before finally sighing in defeat. “Alright.”

 

“Good,” Roger said, heading for the door, but turning back for one last instruction. “Mel, take him to lunch on the expense account and explain everything to him.”

 

I nodded, turning to Brian, wondering what I had just gotten myself into.

‘Friday morning… why does it have to be Friday already?’ I asked myself, staring at the ceiling while lying in bed. It’s not that I didn’t like Brian; it’s just that I was still hurt by the fact that he hadn’t kept his promise. He had promised he wouldn’t forget me, that he’d call, and he broke that promise.

 

“Hey John,” I said, walking into work less than an hour later.

 

“Hey Mel. Are you excited about your first day with a co-host?” he asked.

 

I just growled at him, walking away. I made sure I was early so that I could get settled and situated before Brian came in. As I sat in my office checking my e-mails and voicemail, John walked into my office with a scowl on his face.

 

“Is Mr. Waltz-right-in-and-steal-my-job here yet?” John asked me, taking a seat. John had been working at the station for several years, trying to work his way up to being my morning show co-host, but had remained unsuccessful.

 

“Nope, but I’m expecting Mr. I-promise-to-call-but-never-do to show up any minute,” I responded, the bitterness seeping from my voice.

 

“So what’s the deal with you two? Did you used to know him or something?” John inquired, playing with my stress balloon.

 

“We went to high school together. He was one of my best friends, but when he went off to join the Backstreet Boys, he forgot about me,” I explained, tears unwillingly filling my eyes.

 

John simply nodded in response as I flashed back to the last time I had ever spoken to Brian. I didn’t even notice John slip out the door.

 

July 20, 1993

 

“Hello?” I answered the phone, out of breath from the intense workout I had just put in on my outdoor basketball net.

 

“Happy Birthday, Mel!” Brian exclaimed into the phone, the smile evident from the tone of his voice. Just hearing his voice put a smile on my face as well.

 

“Brian, my birthday was last week,” I laughed. It had been over a month since I had heard from him, so it was good just to hear his voice.

 

“I know. I’ve just been so busy lately. This was the first time I’ve been able to get a moment to myself,” he explained, regret in his voice.

 

“I’m losing my best friend, aren’t I?” I sadly questioned.

 

“You’ll never lose me, Mel. I promise I will never forget you. How could I forget one of my best friends?” he guaranteed. I heard a voice yelling for him in the background followed by him yelling in response before coming back on the line. “Hey Mel, I really need to go, but I’ll call you as soon as I get a free moment. Bye.”

 

“Okay. Bye Brian.”

 

That was the last time I ever heard from him. Despite all his promises, I never heard from him again, and I still hadn’t forgiven him for breaking his word or my heart. It wasn’t until later that I realized I had been in love with him, but that didn’t matter because he had forgotten me.

 

I heard a knock on my office door, breaking me from my thoughts. “Come in,” I yelled, quickly wiping the tears from my eyes.

 

“Hey,” Brian said, hesitantly entering my office. “I’m not interrupting you or anything, am I? If I am, I can...”

 

“You’re not interrupting,” I stopped his rambling.

 

We sat there in silence, staring at each other, each wanting to say so much, but each at a loss for words.

 

I turned my attention back to my computer, continuing to check my e-mail, but finding it very difficult to comprehend anything knowing that Brian’s eyes were watching my every move. I saw him shift nervously in his seat out of the corner of my eye before letting out a nervous cough, clearing his throat, preparing to speak.

 

I stiffened in my chair, my breath caught in my throat, my hands shaking, and my heart pounding like a hammer against my ribcage. I felt myself start to panic when Brian made another throat-clearing sound before once again readjusting his position. He was now sitting forward in the chair, his elbows resting against his knees and his chin resting against his fist.

 

“Mel… I…” he started, stumbling over his words in an attempt to hide his nervousness. He took a deep breath before trying again. “Melanie. I know I… made a lot of mistakes. I… There’s no excuse for the way I acted. I… ummm… I broke a lot of promises, and I was a jerk. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I… I never forgot about you, Mel. There were so many times I picked up the phone and almost called you, but I didn’t want… I figured you hated me. I thought you would just yell at me. I… didn’t want to hear the disappointment in your voice. I’m sorry… I just… I’m sorry.”

 

I sat there, staring at the man I had been in love with as he poured his heart out to me in a desperate attempt to explain his actions. I was so confused, emotions coursing through me. I felt angry that he had broken his promises. I felt betrayed and hurt that I wasn’t important enough for him to put forth an effort. I felt happy that he had never forgotten me, hope trying to push its way through the walls around my heart. But most of all, I felt disappointed. I had expected more from Brian.

 

“For the longest time, I wanted nothing more than for you to apologize and make everything better. I trusted you, Brian. You promised, and I believed you, like a fool. I… I thought I meant more to you than that, but obviously I was wrong,” I responded, mad at myself for letting so much emotion seep into my voice. No matter how long it had been or how much he had hurt me, he still affected me the way he did in high school.

 

“I’m so sorry, Mel. I don’t know what else I can say. I never meant to hurt you. After we got done with Europe and came back to the states, I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life. You have always been there for me through everything and I just turned my back on you after promising I wouldn’t. I hated myself because of that. I wanted to go to you so many times and make things right, but every time, I would talk myself out of it, saying that you would hate me or that you wouldn’t give me a chance. And then something else would come up with the group, and I would focus all my energy on that, trying to forget. I never did forget, though. I couldn’t. You were too important to me,” he confessed, desperate to make me understand.

 

I held back the sob that tried to force its way out. I didn’t want to lose control in front of him, but the more he spoke, the more he broke down my defenses.

 

“Mel, you have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you. When I found out you were working here, I programmed my radio to record all of your shows, and then I would listen to them on the road just so I could hear your voice and find out how you were doing. I was the one who contacted Roger. I told him I would do the interview, but only under one condition. I told that you had to be the one interviewing me. I’ve thought about you every day since I left, and all I am asking for is a CHANCE to make it right. I know I have a lot to make up for, but I want to try. Please, just give me a chance,” he begged.

 

That was it for my control. At his emotional confession, I broke down and started crying. I couldn’t believe that he had recorded all my shows just so that he could hear my voice. He had put forth the effort to get in touch with me, and that made a huge difference. It hadn’t been by coincidence. He had purposefully sought me out. That showed that he was serious about making it up to me. In that instant, my heart let go of the anger and bitterness it had been carrying around for years and opened up to the man in front of me once more. It was going to take some time before I was completely open with him, but I had faith that he would prove himself to me.

 

“I missed you, Bri,” I told him, my voice dripping with honesty.

 

The smile on his face lit up my whole office as he spoke the words on a thankful sigh. “I missed you, too, Mel.”

 

The weeks that followed were spent catching up and rebuilding the bond that had been shattered in high school. The more time we spent together, the more my heart healed, and the more I let him into my life once more. It didn’t matter that he had hurt me because he was here now, proving to me just how important he held our friendship. I still had my doubts and worries, but they were lessening with each passing day.  But another problem grew bigger each day as well. The feelings I once tried to bury grew even stronger than before, and I fell deeper and deeper in love with him every time we talked. It hurt me to think, though, that nothing could ever happen because he was married to a woman who was a beautiful as she was brilliant. A woman Brian loved more than life itself. A woman named Leighanne.

“Great show, guys! The ratings have been through the roof ever since Brian joined the Friday morning crew,” Roger congratulated. But I knew him better than that.

 

“What’s the catch?” I asked, giving him my blank, bored stare. I raised an eyebrow when he didn’t say anything for a moment, urging him to begin.

 

“Well, I need your help. Everyone loves you two together. We need that chemistry for our big Anniversary Bash this weekend. I know I said you could have the weekend off, but the station owner is breathing down my back about getting you two to host the concert and be there to interact with the crowds, sign autographs and basically be the project leaders on the whole thing,” he confessed.

 

“Roger…” I said in a warning tone.

 

“Melanie…” he said in a similar tone.

 

I just glared at him, giving him that look that I was going to be arguing with him on this. “Roger, you know how I feel about those kinds of bashes…especially autographs. I HATE signing autographs because I think it is ridiculous and pointless. I am NOBODY! What the hell is my autograph worth?” I scoffed.

 

“Mel. You know I need you to do this. Now I am not asking you, I am telling you,” he ordered. I knew he would never fire me, but when he got that tone, I knew it meant he would take away a lot of the benefits I was getting.

 

I looked at him, and then at Brian, who was looking at his feet. “I guess I don’t really have a choice, then,” I said with sarcasm. “If we’re done here, I would like to get some things done before I have to be at work tomorrow.” With that, I pushed my chair back and walked out of the room without a second glance back.

 

I honestly don’t know what had gotten into me. Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was the fact that I was in love with someone I could never have, and it killed me to know that. Maybe it was the fact that I was being forced to spend even more time around the man I longed to be with more than anything, but I would never even have the chance to know what it felt like to be kissed by him. I was lonely and heartbroken. It was all weighing down on me, and I could feel myself about to crack from the pressure.

 

“Mel! Wait up!” I heard Brian call after me as I made my way out of the building.

 

“What now?” I questioned to myself.

 

“Mel! Stop!” he continued to call after me.

 

He reached me just as I was about to get into my car. “Mel, didn’t you hear me calling you?” he questioned.

 

“Yes, Brian, I did. But I’m really tired and I just want to get home,” I told him, my face showing my exhaustion.

 

“Mel, what’s wrong?” he asked, worry overcoming his features.

 

I sighed, slamming my car door in frustration. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I didn’t want to break down and then have to explain why. I just wanted to go home and sleep the pain away. I just wanted to curl up and cry for all that I had lost over the years.

 

But it seemed that Brian had other plans. He pulled me gently into his embrace, whispering softly in my ear to just let it out. The feel of his arms around me, the smell of his aftershave surrounding me, the sound of his voice with so much emotion in it brushing against my ear was all too much. Before I knew what was happening, I felt myself give in as my tears began to seep through my closed eyes. In only a matter of seconds, my silent cries turned into full-fledged sobs. I let go of all my restraint, finally giving into the need to just let go.

 

I felt Brian moving, guiding me slowly somewhere more private, but I honestly was too caught up in my breakdown to really care who saw me. When I was finally able to calm down enough to notice my surroundings, I found out that Brian had led us through the back hallways to get to my office. We were now seated on my couch, and Brian’s blue shirt was drenched with all my tears.

 

As my tears started to dry up, Brian lifted my face and wiped the few remaining drops that managed to escape through my lashes with his gentle caress. “Do you feel better?” he asked, not daring to raise his voice too loud in fear of scaring me off.

 

Too caught up in the depth of emotion I saw in his eyes, all I could do was nod. I watched his eyes, filled with so much concern and love, as they stared deep into my own, searching for the reason behind my meltdown.

 

“How long have you been holding everything inside?” he asked me, refusing to release my face from his caress. His thumbs were still rubbing my cheeks softly, soothing away my worries and putting me into a hypnotic state.

 

“Too long,” I whispered.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he urged.

 

In all truth, I wanted to open up and tell him everything that was plaguing me. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and how much I yearned for just one kiss. I wanted him to know what was on my heart, but at the same time, I knew it was wrong. He was married. His heart belonged to another woman, and he didn’t need someone else make a mess out of his life. I didn’t want to cause him any stress or unhappiness, so I just shook my head, declining his offer.

 

“You’re lying,” he said, reading my eyes.

 

I studied his face, trying to read his thoughts. “You’re right. But I have no right to burden you with my problems,” I confessed.

 

He gave me a bittersweet half-smile as his eyes flashed back to a time so many years ago.

 

*flashback*

 

“Mel, you have to talk about it. Whatever it is, it’s eating at you. What’s wrong?” Brian begged me, knowing that I was in pain.

 

“Brian, it’s not right for me to burden you with my problems,” I sighed, despite the fact that I needed his advice more than anything.

 

“I’m your friend, Mel. It’s in my job description to listen to all your problems,” he answered assertively.

 

“It’s nothing really. My parents are getting a divorce, and my dad said he doesn’t want me to contact him anymore. Apparently, he’s been cheating on my mom for over 10 years, and he has another family waiting for him in Michigan or Minnesota or somewhere. He said we were a mistake, and he doesn’t want us in his life anymore,” I finally confessed.

 

I could see the pity in Brian’s face as I told him about my screwed up family life. The more I began to open up and let him in on my problems, the better I began to feel. I felt like I was no longer alone in this. I felt like I now had someone to turn to. And Brian made it that much easier just by listening to me rant.

 

“I’m glad you told me, Mel,” he whispered after I had finished my tale.

 

“Me too, Brian. Me too,” I agreed.

 

*End Flashback*

 

“I’m your friend, Mel. It’s in my job description to listen to all your problems,” he quoted our past conversation.

 

I smiled at the fond memory before the present situation hit me again. There was no way I could tell him. He didn’t deserve it. But as I looked into his pleading eyes, begging me to open up, I found myself involuntarily offering the information I had tried so hard to hide.

 

“I’m suffering from a broken heart,” I told him discreetly. “I’m in love with someone who is already taken. He doesn’t even know how I feel because I don’t want to make his life even more complicated than it already is. He deserved better than that.”

 

“You need to tell him, Mel. He has a right to know and make his own decisions,” he advised, giving me a look.

 

“Even if it will just make his life more stressful?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow. “If I know I am just going to screw up his life, I should just keep it to myself and try to get over him. He doesn’t need me ruining his marriage.”

 

“You should let him be the judge of that,” he lectured.

 

I looked into his eyes, and he looked into mine. We got lost in each other, neither one of us realizing that we had slowly started moving closer and closer to one another. Before I had time to react or realize what was happening, I felt his lips gently cover mine in a soft, hesitant kiss. When I didn’t pull back, he deepened the kiss, applying more pressure and letting out a moan of pleasure.

 

I felt myself get lost in the kiss as I responded to his gentle probing. It was like he was searching for answers through the kiss, trying to see the extent of my feelings for him. I hesitantly reached out my tongue, lightly tracing his lips and asking permission. When I felt his lips part and our tongues touch, we both let out moans. I felt one of Brian’s hands reach behind my neck to pull me closer while his other hand sought out one of my hands, intertwining our fingers together.

 

When we finally pulled away, we were both gasping for air, but neither of us cared. He rested his forehead against my own as we got lost in each other’s eyes again. I saw his mouth lift up in his famous Littrell smirk, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

 

“I’m glad you told me, Mel,” he laughed.

 

“Me too, Brian. Me too,” I quoted back.

Brian and I sat in my office for a couple of hours, just talking and sneaking kisses, but being careful to avoid the subject of our feelings and how our relationship was changing. We also made certain to avoid the subject of Leighanne, as well. We knew that now was not the time and my office was not the place. So we just spent the time rediscovering the people we had become and the bond we had once shared.

 

“Are you hungry?” he asked. I was about to say, ‘I’m fine,’ but before I could, my stomach spoke for me. We both started laughing immediately.

 

“I guess I am,” I laughed along with Brian.

 

“Come on. I found this great Italian place the other day, and I have been dying to check it out,” he insisted, already pulling me off the couch.

 

We spent the remainder of the day just goofing off and having fun. After lunch, we went to a local kid’s park to play miniature golf, then headed over to my house to watch a movie and talk. It was then that we finally broached the subject of our relationship.

 

“Brian… what are we doing?” I asked after we finished watching “Sweet Home Alabama,” one of my favorite all-time movies.

 

“Watching a movie,” he said. When I gave him a look, he sighed, turning serious. “I don’t know…” he whispered. I waited for him to say more, but he just sat there looking at his feet.

 

“Brian…” I started, pausing for a second to sort my thoughts out. When I knew what I needed to say, I started again. “Brian, why are you doing this? You married Leighanne, so you must love her… why would you cheat on her?”

 

I saw his shoulders rise and fall as he released another sigh. I could tell he was uncomfortable, but I needed to know. “Things are complicated between Leighanne and I. I do love her, but it’s like we’re constantly struggling just to keep our relationship at a tolerable level. To me, love shouldn’t be that hard to hold on to and work for. I mean, granted, there are going to be some obstacles to overcome, but you should spend more time enjoying the relationship than fighting to keep it alive, right?” His eyes searched my own, looking for the answers he couldn’t find. He looked so lost and desperate for some kind of happiness. I nodded my head to show him that I agreed, unable to find the words to express my thoughts. “I know that I love Leighanne. She has been my saving grace throughout my entire career. When I had to go into surgery, she stayed with me up until the moment I was wheeled away to the operating room, and the nurses told me that she was by my side from the moment I was in recovery until I woke up. But over the years, we have both changed and through it all, we’ve grown apart. It’s a struggle just to hold a casual conversation. She’s not even home tonight. She just got home this morning and she’s flying out again for another week, even though I haven’t seen her all month because of this movie.” The frustration and disappointment were obvious by the tone of his voice and the look on his face. I could tell he was confused and hurt that something he thought was so right could have come to the point it was at now. I also knew Brian and I knew that he always tried to do the right thing, even if he was the one to suffer in the end because of it. That’s why I knew that things must be to an almost irreparable point if he was actually cheating on his wife.

 

“Have you actually tried telling Leighanne any of this? Have you tried discussing your relationship with her?” I asked.

 

He gave me a bitter, sarcastic laugh… one usually heard from men three times his age. It was a laugh of experience and cynicism. I knew it well because it was the same laugh I used on a regular basis. It was the laugh of someone who no longer believed in the naïve, childlike truths that we are all feed when we are growing up. “True love lasts forever.” “Things always happen for a reason.” “When you’re in love, anything is possible.” All of those phony, cheesy sayings you were told when you were a kid never hold true in real life. They are just a way to ease the pain of the world to those too young to have experienced it. It hid the truth and gave you the freedom to dream until you realized that none of it meant anything.

 

“She won’t even talk to me about how our days went unless she has something to complain about. How do you think a serious conversation would go?” he explained. “She lost that innocent spirit I used to adore about her. I know it’s still there, but she has just been blinded by everything around her. You used to be that way too. You used to be full of open-eyed wonder and dreams. You’ve lost that childlike spirit. But you were also always mature and level-headed as well, so you never got too carried away by your ideas and innocence. That’s what I love about you. You’ve always been passionate and open-minded, but grounded and logical. It’s the perfect mix of realism and idealism.”

 

I looked down at my hands and blushed at his compliment. “I always over-analyze things. That’s not very idealistic.”

 

I felt his hand lift my chin, causing me to look up into his beautiful blue eyes. “You are amazing. You have never been afraid to see the possibilities and to be open to new opportunities. You always allow yourself to be able to think of a future filled with all your dreams come true. That is extremely idealistic. And it is also one of my favorite aspects about you.” I smiled shyly at him, suddenly at a loss for words. He always knew just the right things to say to leave me speechless. I watched as his face drew nearer, and all my worries and cares about our relationship faded. All I could think about was the feel of his lips on my own. All I could feel was the passion he showed me. And all I wanted was to kiss him for however long I could. He pulled back, placing one last quick kiss on my lips before speaking again. “I don’t know what’s going on between us or where this can go, but I do know that every time I kiss you, my heart flutters and I feel like, for once, everything is right in the world. I can’t promise you anything because I am not in that position right now, but I made the mistake of letting you go once. No matter what, I am not letting you disappear from my life again. I love you too much to let that happen twice.”

 

At his declaration, my eyes immediately misted over and tears started falling from my eyes. I knew that he wasn’t in the position to offer me any form of true commitment, and at that point, it honestly didn’t matter. All I could hear was, “I love you.” Nothing else seemed important. “Say that again,” I requested.

 

“I love you, Mel, and I am not going to let you escape me again,” he repeated, knowing exactly what I was talking about.

 

I leaned over and kissed him, cutting off any other words he was planning on saying. I kissed him with more passion and more love than I had ever done before. To me, his declaration meant that I was not alone with these intense feelings coursing through me. He felt them too. “I love you, Brian. I always have.”

 

He pulled me closer, holding my neck and pulling me as deep into the kiss as he could. It was like he was trying to fuse our mouths together, but that wasn’t possible. I had never felt so much for one person in my entire life, and everything this man did to me, increased the fire I already had burning within me. He knew exactly what to do to leave me breathless and at his mercy. He knew just when to kiss me and when to whisper a soft declaration of love into my ear. He had a power over me that no one else had ever held, and as frightening as it was, it was even more exhilarating.

 

When we finally pulled back enough to calm our racing hearts and cool our feverish bodies, we were both out of breath and we both craved more, despite the fact that we knew we should stop. I looked over into his caring, crystal eyes and lost myself in the depth of emotion I saw lying just beneath the surface. His eyes were so clear and honest, and I had always been able to read him with just one glance.

 

“I want you, Brian. I need you to make love to me. I need you to prove to me that this is more than just a fleeting moment of passion,” I begged. I don’t know where that plea came from, but I could tell by his reaction, he felt the same way.

 

He gave me a questioning glance, silently asking me if I was sure I wanted to do this. At my nod, he grabbed my hand, leading me through the halls of my house to my bedroom. He gently guided me onto the bed, kissing me slowly and lovingly, not wanting to rush this. “Are you sure you want this?” he asked again.

 

“I’ve been waiting for this since high school. Please, Brian. I need you,” I confirmed.

 

He slowly started easing my shirt up, kissing and licking the flesh as it was revealed. His mouth was warm and his tongue felt like velvet against my skin. The higher he got, the more turned on I was getting. When he reached the satin fabric of my bra, he stopped moving up and took one of my heaving breasts into his mouth. I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped my lips at the feel of his warm mouth sucking away at my aching nipple, bringing it to an even harder peak.

 

After spending several moments on my first breast, he switched, taking the other into his awaiting mouth. I didn’t know how much more of his teasing I could take before I exploded, so I gently grabbed his head, leading his mouth to my burning lips. I needed him more than I had ever needed anyone, and I only knew one way to convey that feeling. I quickly grabbed the bottom of my shirt, pulling it all the way off my body, breaking the kiss for only a second before returning to our lip lock. With my shirt out of the way, I unbuttoned my pants and shimmied my way out of the restraining cloth. As soon as I had both my pants and my underwear discarded, Brian reached around me, unhooking my bra and throwing it to the side with the rest of my clothes. He pulled back, studying me with hungry eyes. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, as if in a trance.

 

I reached my arms out toward him, pulling him back to my body, uncomfortable with his scrutinizing gaze. As he started sucking on my neck, I lost all thought and began gasping and moaning even louder than I had been before. I reached my hands down to his strained pants, fumbling with the button in an attempt to get it undone in my passion-filled haze. In my attempt to free him from his constraints, I brushed against his growing bulge, causing him to increase his ministrations on my neck, nibbling and licking his way down my body, paying attention to every inch of exposed flesh as he moaned with every touch of my hand. When I was finally able to unhook the button, I was so far gone I could barely comprehend anything.

 

I quickly pulled his pants and boxers down, leaving his bottom half exposed as he rid himself of his shirt. I stopped for a second to admire his toned, muscular body as he gazed lovingly down at me. “I love you, Brian. Make love to me.”

 

He leaned down, taking my mouth with his own once more as I felt him position himself at my opening. Before he could tease me anymore, I quickly wrapped my legs around his waist and forced him into me. The moans that came out of us intensified with every move he made, no matter how slight. He filled me completely, leaving me feeling whole and fulfilled with every inch of his body touching mine. He started a slow, steady rhythm, and he pulled away from my lips so he could look into my eyes as he moved deep within me. I knew that I would not last long, since I was already so turned on. I grasped onto his strong shoulders, my nails digging into his tender skin, but not enough to leave a mark. I heard his grunts and moans of pleasure increasing along with my own as we both speed up the pace, moving closer and closer to the edge. I felt a burning heat start from my toes and start to spread throughout my entire body, but I tried to hold on, wanting Brian to cum with me. “I’m… close… can’t… hold on… much… longer,” I moaned.

 

“Let go,” he groaned out as he too was trying to hold on. With one final push, I let myself explode as I felt Brian release his load within me. Together, we went over the edge and slowly came back down. Brian rested his weight on me, and I held him as we both struggled to catch our breath. I had never experienced anything even close to what we had just shared. I closed my eyes as the exhaustion started to overcome the both of us. Within moments, we were both asleep lost in a world of dreams, but not before Brian uttered a quite, “I love you,” into my ear. I soon found myself lost in a content sleep. At least in my dreams, Brian was mine, and I didn’t have to share him. I feel asleep with a smile on my face and a longing in my heart. After tonight, it was too late for us to even attempt to turn back now. We were both in too deep and had too much invested in one another to risk it. Now we just had to figure out where to go from here.

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

 

I reached over quickly, nearly falling out of bed to turn my alarm off. I stared at the glowing red numbers, unable to comprehend their meaning. I felt warm arms wrap themselves around my body, pulling me into their comfort. I smiled contently, feeling safe and complete for the first time in years.

 

“Good morning, Mel,” Brian rasped into my ear.

 

“Good morning, Brian,” I sighed, wishing we could just spend the day in bed in each other’s arms.

 

“What time is it?” he asked, knowing that we would be pushing our luck if we didn’t get to the event on time.

 

“6:30,” I said, the anger I tried to hide seeping into my voice.

 

“All we have to do is get through today and then we can spend all day together tomorrow,” Brian reminded me, trying to be optimistic.

 

“We better get up. You still have to get home and change, but we can save time if you shower here,” I smiled sexily, teasing him.

 

“Well, we need all the time we can get, don’t we?” he responded back just as sexily.

 

With that we both dashed off the bed and into the bathroom, closing the door behind us as we started the shower and got lost in one another.

 

 

“Alright Roger, I’m here,” I announced walking through the venue gates and over to the congregation gathered by the main event table. “In fact, I’m early,” I cockily added. In fact, I was 20 minutes early, seeing as it was only 8:40.

 

“Where’s Brian? I thought for sure he would have beat you here,” Roger questioned. I just shrugged, as if to say, ‘I’m not his keeper.’

 

At that very moment, Brian decided to make his appearance. “I’m here, Roger. I just got held up by a couple of fans asking for autographs outside,” he smiled.

 

“Alright, we are opening the gates at 10 and we’re running behind, so we have a lot that needs to be done before then. Mel, can you help John set up the PA system for the main tent? Brian, I need you to help us with the banners,” Roger directed. As soon as all the assignments were passed out, we got to work.

 

“So, I haven’t gotten a chance to hang out with you in a long time. How have you been?” John asked as we started setting up the PA system.

 

“I’ve been great, John. I know we haven’t been able to do our usual lunch dates, I’ve just been so busy catching up with Brian. This week we will go to any restaurant you want, my treat,” I offered.

 

“You’re on,” he agreed. “How are things going with him, by the way? I keep forgetting to ask,” he inquired.

 

“Things have gotten a lot better. He knows he screwed up, and we’ve been working on getting our friendship back,” I admitted. John was one of my best friends. He was the only person at the station that I felt like I could rely on if anything were to happen. He was also the only one I spent any time with outside of work. In fact, John was the only one who knew my deepest, darkest secret. He was the only one who knew that I had been pregnant a couple years back, but that I had lost the baby due to a miscarriage. Even the baby’s father had never known. I was the only one who knew about John’s secret life too. Most people didn’t know that John was gay, and most people would never guess either because he had gotten very good at hiding it over the last few years. Plus, he was trying to break into the Christian music industry, and they didn’t take too kindly to homosexuals, which I thought was kind of ironic since they promote equal acceptance in every other aspect of life.

 

“Have you told him, yet?” he asked, referring to my miscarriage. Since that day in my office, I had gradually told him more and more about my past with Brian, even going as far as to tell him I used to be in love with him.

 

“Not yet. I still don’t know how he would react. Plus, he gave up his right to get to know all my secrets when he walked away from our friendship,” I stated slightly-bitterly. I still held some of the resentment from his disappearance, but with every day, it faded a little more. And after last night, I found it even harder to stay mad at him.

 

“I thought you two were getting along again,” he sneered. I could tell he was upset that I was spending less time with him because of Brian, but I also knew that he could never hold it against me.

 

“We are, but I’m actually kind of scared to tell him,” I admitted. “I just got him back in my life. I don’t want to lose him again because of my past.

 

“I understand,” he consoled. “I think we are ready for a mic test,” he added.

 

I grabbed the wireless mic we had sitting on the table and turned it on. I waited for John’s cue before doing my usual mic test procedure. When we were sure that the system was up and running, we headed over to the rest of the crew to see if they needed any help.

 

“Hey guys, need any help?” I asked as we walked up.

 

“Actually, we just finished,” Brian smiled at me, his eyes lighting up at the sight of me.

 

“Alright guys, Brian, Mel, the tent is already set up for you to meet and greet with the listeners. We are going to have you broadcasting until 2:00, and then we are going to have you move to the autograph tent for the next 2 hours before we start preparing for the show,” Roger instructed.

 

“Whatever,” I muttered under my breath, already walking away.

 

Brian exchanged a couple more sentences with Roger before joining me. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

I sighed, looking at him. “I’m just pissed that I have to be here, that’s all,” I said.

 

“You’re lying,” he accused, no hesitation at all.

 

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye before sighing in defeat. “I was just thinking earlier how hard it’s going to be not to let anyone find out about us. We can’t let our eyes linger too long, we can’t hold hands, we can’t kiss in public; we can’t even talk too loudly in case someone hears us. How is this ever going to work out?” I questioned, even though I knew he had as few answers as I did.

 

“We have to, Mel. I’m a married man. I’m supposed to be the good boy of the Backstreet Boys… the one who always does the right thing. But there is no way I can live without you, either. I need you. You give me a reason to smile and look forward to every day. Just bear with me for awhile, and we’ll figure something out,” he begged me to understand.

 

“I’m not going anywhere,” I half-smiled. I had a bad feeling that things were going to end badly for me. I just felt deep down that I was going to be the one that got hurt through all this, but still, I held on to the hope that Brian would prove me wrong.

 

We spent the next 4 hours broadcasting live from the event, interviewing concert-goers, and just plain having fun being together. Before we knew it we were being ushered to the autograph tent where we were too busy to do much of anything except take pictures with fans, sign autographs, and talk briefly with each person that came through the line.

 

“Alright guys, it’s time to get ready,” Roger said, relieving us from our autograph-signing duties.

 

We quickly packed up our stuff, waving to the people we had been talking to since we had finished going through the line 10 minutes prior to Roger’s arrival and headed backstage to get ready for the show. Brian and I were going to be hosting the show, being MCs onstage, and interviewing the stars backstage in between performances. It was going to be a long night for us, but this is what I lived for. I loved being on stage and getting to talk with the celebrities. Obviously, Brian loved it too by his career choice.

 

Five minutes before show time, Brian took me into his dressing room, locking the door behind him and pulling me into his arms. “I love you, Mel. I just needed to hold you, and I’ve been dying to kiss you all day,” he unnecessarily explained.

 

“I feel the same way,” I breathed just before our lips touched.

 

His kiss was full of love and passion. I could feel both of our desires increase with every second, which is why I pulled back before anything else could happen.

 

“I love you, Brian. I’ll never stop,” I whispered into his chest as he held me close. We both took a deep breath before pulling apart and walking out of the room, ready to get the show on the road, as they say.

 

We waited behind the curtain for our cue before I made my way to the center of the stage. “How are you doing, Atlanta?” I called, getting a huge response. I gave them a disappointed look, shaking my head. “Now, I know you can do better than that. Atlanta, are you ready to PAAAAAAAAAAAARTY!” I screamed, imitating a famous live recording of the Backstreet Boys that had been on the Burger King CDs they had released. The response was almost deafening as I smiled at the crowd. “That’s better. We have an amazing show planned for you all today, but before we get into that, I want to introduce someone from my past who I am sure you are all very familiar with. We grew up together in Kentucky, and now, he is my Friday morning co-host on the morning show. You know who I’m talking about,” I teased the crowd. “For those who don’t know, maybe I should give you a hint. ‘You are, my fire… my one, desire…Believe when I say,” I sang to the crowd, causing them to erupt in screams.

 

Then Brian stepped out onto the stage and finished the verse, “I want it that way.”

 

We both smiled as the crowd sang along. I watched Brian’s face as he watched the crowd. I knew that he was so grateful to have such amazing fans. To hear them singing his song back to him, it made him feel like the luckiest man on earth. I could tell just by looking at his face, watching his eyes light up that he felt like nothing could ever compare to the feeling he got being on stage. Suddenly it made sense why he had left all those years ago. He would have never been happy just singing to a small church congregation. He was born to perform for millions. He was destined for greatness, and I had been selfish for holding resentment for him following his heart. Suddenly, I felt so guilty for holding a grudge.

 

“Well, enough talk. Let’s get the party started with Pink,” we both said, running off stage.

 

As soon as we were clear and our mics were switched off, I turned to Brian, sincerity and regret shining in my green eyes. “Brian, I’m sorry.”

 

“Why are you sorry?” he questioned, clearly confused by my sudden outburst.

 

“All this time, I’ve been mad at you because you left, but I just realized I was being selfish. You were following your heart. You were destined for this life. Watching you on that stage made me realize I was being stupid for holding a grudge,” I confessed.

 

“Mel! Don’t be silly! You had every right to be mad. I was so stupid for not calling. I just abandoned you after I promised I wouldn’t. I broke my word and your trust,” he soothed. Still I couldn’t help but feel bad about being mad at him.

 

“Still, I’m sorry,” I said.

 

“Me too,” he repeated.

 

“Guys, we need you in the interview room for No Doubt,” a crew hand directed us.

 

We went through the interview quickly and easily, and were back on stage before we knew it. The show went by extremely quickly, between being shuttled back and forth from the stage to the interview room, but the one part that stood out was the part where Brian brought me out on stage during his mini-set and had me sing a duet with him.

 

As soon as we were done with the concert, Brian and I made our way out of the venue, heading back to my house to watch a movie. Fifteen minutes into it, we were both asleep using one another for pillows. As badly as the day had started out, it had ended with a surprisingly good twist. Just being near Brian all day had made the entire ordeal ten times better. When I finally realized that the next morning, I knew exactly how much I loved him and how I could not lose him again. If I did, I was afraid that next time I might not be able to move on with my life. Before Brian woke up, I sent a silent prayer to God, praying that our love was enough and to keep me strong in the event that anything did happen.

“That’s all we have time for today, but tune in again next Friday for our special guest. You don’t want to miss that show,” I announced, ending another show and another week.

 

“Thanks for listening. And remember to keep the Backstreet pride alive,” Brian added before we faded into another song set.

 

Brian and I quickly gathered our things before heading out of the building for our lunch date.

 

“The guys are coming into town next week, and Alex wants to meet you,” Brian announced out of nowhere.

 

“You told him?” I gasped.

 

“He’s my best friend. I trust him with my life,” Brian tried to soothe my nerves. “You can trust him. He won’t tell anyone.”

 

“He must think I’m a slut,” I whispered.

 

“NO! No way. I promise he doesn’t think that,” Brian exclaimed.

 

“When does he get in?” I asked, shocked I was actually even considering it.

 

“He comes in Wednesday and leaves Sunday,” he told me.

 

“I’ll meet with him on Thursday,” I agreed, after a long pause.

 

For the rest of the trip, we both sat in contemplation, one thing on both of our minds. I tried to concentrate on my driving, but my mind kept wandering. Today was the day Leighanne returned to Atlanta. We knew we would not be able to see each other nearly as much as we were used to. We also knew that we had to be extra careful that no one saw us together outside of work.

 

When we reached the restaurant, we exited the car and entered the restaurant, still in silence. It was only once we were seated and had already placed our drink orders that we finally acknowledged one another.

 

“We can’t avoid the subject forever, Brian,” I said.

 

“I know. I was just hoping that we could have one more day to ourselves,” he sighed.

 

“She’s going to be landing in a couple hours,” I whispered, resentment entering my voice. I hated how she got to fall asleep with him every night and wake up with him every morning when I was the one he said he loved.

 

“Then let’s not waste that time talking about her,” he reasoned, grabbing my hand across the table and kissing the back of it.

 

He stared into my eyes before leaning in and giving me a short kiss. Our kiss was short-lived, however, because the next sound we heard was our worst fear come true.

 

“What the hell is going on here?” we heard someone screech behind us.

 

“Leighanne!” Brian exclaimed, jumping up and rushing over to her. “What are you doing back so early?”

 

“I wanted to come and surprise you, but I guess I was the one who got the surprise,” she screamed.

 

“Leighanne, wait, I can explain,” he begged.

 

I watched as Brian begged for her forgiveness, wondering what was happening. It was like my worst nightmare was coming true, and I was losing the only man I had ever loved for the second time in my life. And stupidly, I just sat there and watched it all happen.

 

“Brian, I don’t want to hear your tired excuses. I can’t believe you would cheat on me with THAT,” she said, pointing a finger at me as if I was some disgusting pile of dirty clothes that had been waiting to be washed for a year.

 

“Leighanne, please don’t leave,” Brian begged. “It’s not what you think.”

 

With every word, my heart broke even more. I watched Brian with tears streaming from my eyes as he turned and looked at me before turning back to Leighanne. I could see that he was facing an inner conflict. Here he was faced with the woman he married and the woman he had left behind so many years ago. If he was having that much trouble choosing, I decided to make it easy on him. I picked up my purse, gathered my jacket and left without a word to anyone. With tears still running down my cheeks, I turned back one last time, whispering a sad, “Goodbye, Brian,” before getting in my car and driving away.

 

 

Thursday afternoon, I was surprised by a knock on my front door and an unfamiliar voice calling my name. I walked over to my door, keeping the chain in place and opening it part-way. When I saw the face of the stranger banging on my door, I nearly broke into tears again.

 

“What do you want?” I growled, wanting nothing more than to close the door in his face and not even give him a second thought.

 

“We had a lunch date, and you never showed up, so I decided to bring lunch to you,” he charmingly smiled. The man standing before me was none other than AJ McLean, Brian’s band mate.

 

“Brian’s back with HER. Haven’t you heard? I’m no longer in the picture,” I bitterly replied, this time attempting to shut the door.

 

He placed his foot in between the door and the wall, not letting me shut him out. “I’m not here for Brian. I’m here because I wanted to get to know YOU,” he argued.

 

“Why?” I questioned, completely bewildered.

 

“Because you seem like an amazing person, and I want to talk to you and get to know more about you,” he pressured.

 

I sighed, staring at the floor, contemplating the decision. “Fine,” I conceded defeat, closing the door and undoing the chain.

 

He walked into my home, carrying a box of pizza and a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper. He followed me into the living room, setting the box and drink down on my coffee table.

 

“I like your house. It’s beautifully decorated,” he complimented, looking around at my walls, which were decorated with movie posters, concert posters, and CD promotion banners.

 

“Yeah, I’m a pop culture maniac,” I admitted, blushing slightly.

 

“I don’t think I properly introduced myself. I’m Alex McLean,” he greeted.

 

“Melanie Davis,” I reciprocated.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Melanie Davis,” he responded, grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it in that flirtatious way he was famous for. “How are you doing?” he turned serious.

 

“I’ve been better,” I confessed, staring at my nails in an attempt to avoid eye contact.

 

“If it’s anything like what Brian has been going through, I’m sure it’s terrible,” he told me softly.

 

“Yeah, well, I have no sympathy for him. He made his choice. Now he has to live with it,” I bitterly spat.

 

“He feels terrible, Mel. He knows he hurt you, again, and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do,” AJ tried defending him.

 

“Well fuck him. I’m sick of his bullshit. And I really don’t want to talk about Brian, so if you don’t mind, could we drop this subject?” I exploded. All this talk of Brian was making my heart hurt again, and I was tired of crying over a man who did nothing but hurt me and disappoint me.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse. I just wanted to let you know what he’s been feeling. So anyway… I heard you used to sing in high school. What made you choose communications as a major from being a music fanatic?” he changed the subject. The rest of lunch was spent in a similar fashion. Alex asked me about my past, about my future goals, about my current passions. He was careful to avoid the subject of Brian, and by the time I was showing him out, he knew my whole life story, and we were close friends. We even agreed to meet up for lunch again on Saturday before he flew out Sunday. I was still heartbroken, but at least I knew I had a friend in all of this.

 

Brian tried to contact me, but I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. I still did the show with him every Friday, but everyone could tell that something had happened between us. Our relationship was strained and it was obvious over the radio. A couple months later, I started getting sick and had to call in sick from my show for a week before Roger finally ordered me to go to the doctor. Two days later, I got news that would change the rest of my life. I was pregnant… with Brian’s child.

After I found out I was pregnant, I spent several days in denial, not wanting to believe what I knew to be true in my heart. I also didn’t want to face the inevitable fact that, eventually, I would have to tell Brian. But first, I called the only person I felt I could trust with this matter.

 

“Hey Mel, what’s up?” he answered after the second ring.

 

“Alex, I’m scared,” I confessed.

 

“Honey, what happened? Are you crying?” he asked, the concern easy to hear in his raspy voice.

 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I cried.

 

“Whoa… what happened? Start from the beginning,” he instructed.

 

“I’ve been sick for the last couple weeks. I ended up calling in sick all week, and Roger stopped by a couple mornings ago and forced me to go to the doctor. Alex, I’m pregnant... and it’s Brian’s,” I explained.

 

“Whoa…” he breathed, completely overwhelmed by the news. “Have you told him yet?” he asked, just like I expected him to.

 

“No. I’m afraid,” I admitted quietly.

 

“You have to tell him. He has a right to know. Plus, you shouldn’t be going through this alone,” he tried convincing me.

 

“I’m going to tell him. Not telling him is not an option, but do you really think telling him is going to make me any less alone? He’s got her; he doesn’t need me screwing up his life,” I sighed.

 

“That’s not true. He loves you. He’s just conflicted,” Alex tried to defend his best friend. It didn’t matter, though. Brian had made his own decision. Nothing Alex said would make it right.

 

“I’m going to tell him, but I was kind of hoping that you might be here when I do?” I questioned, getting to the point.

 

“I don’t know, Mel…” he hesitated.

 

“Please, Alex. I have no one else to turn to. I have nowhere else to go. I don’t want to do this alone. Please?” I cried into the phone, begging him.

 

“Mel, don’t cry,” he pleaded, hating the sound of my tears. I heard him sigh before giving in to my request. “I’ll take the first flight out. I’ll call you when I know all the details. Hang in there, girl,” he encouraged.

 

I felt better knowing that Alex was on his way, but I still found it hard to face the fact that I was going to be telling Brian soon. I knew Alex would not let me wait to tell him. He would use the guilt card, saying, “I flew all the way out here for this, now you better tell him.” I was terrified. I knew Brian had always wanted kids, but I also knew that Leighanne was going to blow up when she heard. I was afraid that she would somehow keep Brian from his child, which would not only kill him, but me as well.

 

Before I even knew it, Alex had landed and I was picking him up from the airport. As soon as he was in my car, he reached over and hugged me, kissing me lightly on the check. “Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted.

 

“Thanks for coming, Alex,” I gratefully added.

 

“Are you ready?” he asked.

 

“As I’ll ever be,” I agreed. We made our way to Brian’s house in silence, both of us contemplating what could happen. None of the outcomes looked good.

 

We parked the car in front of Brian’s house, but neither of us moved. I just sat staring at the house in fear. Finally, Alex cleared his throat before addressing me. “I guess we should go knock, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” was all I could say in response.

 

We slowly walked up to the door before Alex raised his fist and knocked. We waited a few minutes before the door slowly swung open and we were face-to-face with Brian, looking tired and more worn than I had ever seen him.

 

“Mel!” he gasped, surprised to see me standing at his doorstep after all the effort I had spent avoiding him.

 

“Hi Brian. Can we come in? I have something I think we need to discuss,” I politely requested.

 

Just then, I saw Leighanne slink up behind Brian, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him from behind – a sure sign of possession.

 

“Brian can’t come out and play right now,” she cattily sneered.

 

I just stood there, looking at my feet, wishing the ground would open up below me and pull me to the other side of the world. But no such luck. Nothing happened no matter how hard I wished for it.

 

“Leighanne, Mel has something she needs to tell the both of you, and I didn’t fly all the way out here from Malibu just to go home without accomplishing what we came here to do,” Alex interjected.

 

I watched Brian’s eyes shift from me to Alex, as if he was noticing him for the first time. Leighanne looked at Alex as well, before huffing in annoyance, letting us in nonetheless.

 

We walked into the living room, a sense of dread and suspense filling the air. I sat down next to Alex, grasping his hand in my own and holding it with all my strength. I saw Alex wince slightly, but he said nothing.

 

I turned my attention to Brian and Leighanne, but before I could say anything, Brian surprised me by speaking first. “Roger said you’ve been sick all week. Are you okay?”

 

I swallowed hard, gathering my strength. “Yeah. That’s actually what I’m here to talk about. I went to the doctor a few days ago and they ran some tests to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I got a call back two days ago telling me that…I’m… ummmm… I’m…” I hesitated. I felt Alex squeeze my hand in support, giving me the strength to finish. “Brian, I’m two and a half months pregnant,” I blurted out.

 

It took awhile for what I said to sink in, but as soon as it did, I saw Brian’s mouth drop open in surprise and Leighanne’s face turned a bright red as her scowl grew even deeper. “You’re what?” Brian asked.

 

“Pregnant,” I repeated with more confidence.

 

“But… how?” he questioned dumbly.

 

I just looked down at my lap, not even wanting to think about that night. He had been so loving, so honest, but that was no longer the case.

 

“I think we can guess how,” Leighanne hissed. “How do you even know it’s Brian’s?”

 

“Because, Leighanne, I’m not some slut who sleeps with every guy she sees,” I refuted. “Unlike you,” I whispered under my breath. Alex heard it, however, and gave a slight chuckle, which he covered with a cough.

 

“No, you only sleep with married men,” she continued to jab at me.

 

“That’s enough, Leighanne,” Brian and Alex said together.

 

Then Brian turned to me and asked, “What are you going to do?”

 

I looked into his eyes, tears filling mine instantly. “What else can I do? I’m going to keep it. Despite the situation now, this child was created out of love, and it is a part of both of us. There’s nothing else I can do,” I honestly replied.

 

He nodded in agreement. We all sat in silence before Leighanne spoke up once more. “I have an idea.”

 

“What now, Leighanne?” Alex sighed in obvious annoyance.

 

“If news ever got out that Brian had an affair, the group would be ruined, right?” she asked, ignoring Alex’s tone. At both the guys’ nods, she continued. “Well, why don’t I pretend like I’m pregnant, using a stunt bump, and then, when the baby is born, Mel can sign her rights over to me. That way, everybody wins and nobody has a clue.”

 

“Leighanne, that’s insane!” Alex exclaimed for me.

 

I couldn’t believe she had even suggested it, but what shocked me more was the fact that Brian didn’t even say anything in response to it. I chanced a peek at him and saw him staring at the carpet, lost in thought. He couldn’t actually be considering it, could he?

 

“Alex is right, Leigh. That would never work. Plus, I could never do that to Mel,” Brian finally spoke.

 

I watched Leighanne’s face contort in anger as she stood up with her hands on her hips. “Well I suggest you find yourself a good divorce lawyer, then, Brian,” she huffed.

 

At that, Brian’s head jerked up and I watched him scramble to his feet to stop Leighanne from leaving the room. They conversed quietly in private, while I held my breath in hope that maybe Brian would leave her. When they both came back to the couch together, I knew what he had decided.

 

Leighanne looked at me and spoke to me as if I were a child, “Honey, you made a mistake. I am just trying to clean up the mess so that everyone comes out looking good. I don’t want you to get into any more trouble than you have already found yourself in. Trust me, this is best for everyone.” Her condescending tone made me just want to reach out and slap her, but when I looked at Brian, noticing that he refused to meet my eyes, sadness replaced the anger immediately.

 

I spoke in the barest of whispers, when I finally found my voice. “Brian, is this what you want?”

 

I waited with baited breath for his response, and when I saw his head nod ever so slightly, I felt my heart crumble into a million pieces. Nothing could have prepared me for this, and immediately, I knew that with that one confirmation, I had just lost my will to live, my passion, my soul, my heart, my everything. If I thought that Brian had hurt me all that he could when he left the first time, I was wrong. This final rejection sent me over the edge, and I didn’t know if I would ever recover. Still, I refused to break down in front of him again, so I just nodded before standing up and walking out the door. Alex followed close behind me, and as we drove away, I glanced in the rear view mirror, praying that Brian would be standing there watching me go. But all I saw was a street matching the way I felt inside: empty.

The months following Brian’s final rejection were hard on me. I did my birthing classes at home, and Alex spent as much time with me as he could between his meetings and his other obligations. Sarah Martin, Alex’s fiancée, also spent a considerable amount of time helping me as much as she could. I called Roger the day after Alex and I confronted Brian and Leighannne, and as much as it pained me, I quit over the phone.

 

On November 26, 2002, at exactly 7:41 PM, we welcomed Baylee Thomas Wylee Littrell into the world. Fifteen minutes after he was born, I signed over my rights to Leighanne at Brian’s request. For the second time in my life, I had lost my child.

 

At 10 that night, everyone was asked to leave the hospital because visiting hours were over. Alex and Sarah promised to come back in the morning, but when they returned, I was nowhere to be found. I left the hospital in the middle of the night, running to the only safe haven I had left: John’s house. I hadn’t seen him since I had quit the station, but I knew that he would never turn me away.

 

“Mel, honey! What’s wrong? What are you doing out in the rain this late at night? Is everything alright?” John badgered when he saw me standing on his doorstep, soaking wet and crying.

 

He invited me in, and I told him the basic story, leaving out all the names and major details. I never asked him if he knew who I was talking about and he never mentioned that he knew, so we just left it at that. He asked me to move to Tennessee with him, and knowing I had no other options, I agreed. John had quit his job at the station too, and was finally starting to get serious about his career in Christian songwriting, which was why he had decided to move.

 

 I spent my days alone and depressed, losing more hope every day. Rumors started floating around about John’s sexual orientation, and he started losing jobs because of it. We were finding out that people in the Christian music industry had a hard time accepting gay people, so John asked me to marry him and be his cover. Seeing as I had nothing else to live for, I agreed. I knew I would never fall in love with any man again. Brian had left me broken when he took our son away from me. Every day was grim and dark for me, and I felt the life slowing ebbing away from me.

 

When John began to become a force to reckon with, we packed up and moved out to L.A., so that we could be closer to a large portion of our potential clients. I spent my days playing the part of John’s dazzling wife and co-writer and my nights alone in my bed, dreaming of a world that no longer existed, reliving my time with Brian over and over again, torturing my soul even more. I also recorded and watched any show that I knew the Boys would be doing just so that I could catch a glimpse of my beautiful son. I don’t know why I continued to torture myself, but, honestly it was like I couldn’t let go no matter how much I wanted to. Despite everything that had happened, I still held on to Brian’s love, with the faintest light of hope barely surviving in my heart.

 

[b][i]March 2005[/i][/b]

 

“Honey, I’m having a potential client come home for dinner tonight. He’s already made a name for himself in the mainstream pop world, but now he wants to record a Christian album,” John announced as he got ready to head to the office. Over the last two years, John had made a name for himself as one of the greatest Christian writers in the country. Together, we had written tons of hits for some of the biggest names out there, including Stacie Orrico, Plus One, Newsboys, Rachael Lampa, and many more.

 

“Alright. I’ll get some material prepared to show him. Any specifics I should include?” I questioned.

 

“No, just use your judgment,” he called before running through the kitchen and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek, finally heading off to work.

 

I took the opportunity to catch up on some of the shows I had taped of Brian and Baylee. I never even heard the door open or John standing behind me, watching me with a tortured face as I cried myself to sleep on the couch.

 

He came around the couch, shutting off the TV and pulling a quilt over me. He kissed my forehead softly, whispering words of strength to me, asking me why I continued to torture myself after all these years, before grabbing the cup of coffee he left and leaving for the office once again. Unknown to him, I had woken up the moment he turned off the TV.

 

Around 3 that afternoon, I found myself down in our basement recording studio, inspired to write a beautiful song.

 

[i]You say that you’ve had enough

You’re giving up on love

You think that you’ll never trust

Well, I can see

 

That your heart’s been broken too many times

It was wrong, now it’s locked up so tight

And you’re standing strong

 

But if you ever fall

Just fall into my arms

I will never hurt you

If you’re ever going to trust this heart

I will be here

To catch you when you fall

 

I have been watching you

I’ve seen this all before

What you must be going through

Is hard to take

 

When loves seems so far out of your reach

You don’t want to try

You’re too scared to feel

Too ashamed to cry

 

If you ever fall

Just fall into my arms

I will never hurt you

If you’re ever going to trust this heart

I will be here

To catch you when you’re falling

Calling

Watching… and waiting

For a time when you find the strength to let go

 

If you ever fall

Just fall into my arms

I will never hurt you

If you’re ever going to trust this heart

I will be here

To catch you when you fall[/i]

 

I didn’t even realize how much time had passed until I finally looked at the clock as I finished laying down the final track for the song. I also didn’t realize I was crying until I felt a drop hit my hand as I held the last note on the keyboard. That song reached deep inside me. I was afraid to love again because I felt like I had nothing left to give. I had lost the love of my life. I had lost my son. I had lost everything. The only love I had left in my life was God and John. My mom had died when I was in college, and my dad told me he never wanted to see me again, so I was alone.

 

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and I immediately knew it was John telling me that it was time for us to meet with our possible collaborator/client. “Hey John,” I answered.

 

“Where are you?” he asked.

 

“I’m down in the basement. I just finished a beautiful song that I think will be a hit. Why don’t you bring the client down to listen?” I suggested.

“Okay,” he agreed.

 

“Just let me know when you get down here and I will play it for you,” I confirmed, hanging up the phone.

 

A couple minutes later, I heard John’s voice over the intercom, telling me to go ahead. I put my whole heart into that performance, letting every emotion Brian made me feel come out through my words and the piano. I let go of my control and let all the pain and hurt surface.

 

When I was done, I was a mess, but the song had been done perfectly. I turned around, wanting to see our future client’s reaction, but it was me who got the shock. Standing next to my husband was none other than Brian Littrell.

 

I immediately started sobbing, and within a second, John was by my side. “Honey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I just wanted to try to make things better. I’m tired of watching you torture yourself. I wanted to try to make things right,” John explained, trying to soothe my tears.

 

“He doesn’t want me, John. He made that perfectly clear,” I cried, looking into his caring brown eyes.

 

“That’s not true honey. I never would have brought him here if I thought he didn’t care about you. I brought him here because he looks as tortured as you do. He has obviously been beating himself up for what he did to you,” John continued to talk in his calming voice. I looked at John before glancing at Brian quickly. I barely recognized the man standing in front of me. Sure, he still looked the same on the outside, but his eyes mirrored mine with the hollow stare. He looked about as empty inside as I felt. Still, it was all too much for me to take.

 

“I just can’t, John. I’m sorry,” I whispered before running straight out of the room, up the stairs and outside to the Gazebo. Seeing him so close was too much for me to take, and it scared how much I just wanted him to take me into his arms, kiss me, and make everything better. And what scared me more was that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from forgiving him again and getting hurt again.

 

I heard footsteps walking up the steps of the Gazebo and knew John had come to apologize. “I don’t want your apology,” I whispered.

 

“You deserve so much more,” I heard Brian respond behind me.

 

I gasped in shock and turned to face him. “What… what are you doing here?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady and calm.

 

“You ran out of there so quickly, and I wanted to see if you were alright,” he confessed.

 

“Not here, in the Gazebo… I meant here in my house,” I sighed.

 

“I’ve been working on my first solo Christian album and everyone has told me that the Williams team is the best when it comes to Christian songs,” he responded.

 

“Yeah, that is true,” I agreed. I hesitated for a second before saying what was really on my mind. “Brian… I don’t think I can do this,” I admitted.

 

“I still think about you all the time,” he confessed. “I made the biggest mistake of my life when I walked away from us for the second time. I screwed up so badly that I doubt I could ever make it right, but I want to try.” He paused, clearly choosing his words. “John seems like a nice guy. Does he treat you right?”

 

“He treats me better than I sometimes think I deserve,” I told him, not ready to admit the truth about John.

 

“That’s good. You deserve only the best,” he half-smiled. “Still, I can’t help but feel jealous. I know I screwed up, but still, I would give anything to have you back in my life,” he somberly spoke.

 

“Brian… don’t do this. YOU left ME, remember?” I reminded.

 

“I was a fool. I hurt the only person who ever really mattered in my life. You were the only person I’ve ever really loved. I loved you from the moment I met you,” he told me, moving closer with every word.

 

“Brian, stop,” I cried.

 

“Every night, I relive that night I walked away over and over in my head. Every night, I see your heartbroken face in my mind. Every night, I beat myself up because I lost the only woman I have ever truly loved because I had a moment of weakness… of confusion,” he continued on, making me cry more with every confession.

 

“Brian, please,” I cried again, begging him to stop.

 

“Mel, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world, and I would rather die than ever hurt you again. The only thing that keeps me going every day is our son. He gives me hope, and every time I look at him, I see your face smiling back at me. He is the only reason I haven’t given up yet. I know I screwed up… big time… but please just give me a chance to make things right,” he pleaded, falling to his knees, as if begging for his life. I guess, in a way, he was. I didn’t know what to do. I was conflicted and confused. I was also hurt and afraid. I didn’t want to open myself up again to get hurt, but he sounded so sincere.

 

Finally, I found the courage to ask what I needed to ask, “What about… Leighanne?”

 

“I thought she was someone other than who she is. The woman I married is not the woman I now call my wife. She has lost everything about her that I used to cherish. She has become heartless, and cruel. She has become so self-involved and fame-seeking. She’s no longer the Leighanne I once knew. I should have figured it out sooner, but I was blinded by what I thought was love for the woman she used to be,” he replied honestly. I could tell he was distraught that the woman he had cared for had been lost so long ago and he had never realized it.

 

“What do you want from me Brian? I gave everything to you last time and you spit it back in my face. I don’t know how much more I have left to give,” I sighed in defeat.

 

“All I’m asking for is a chance to make things right. Please, don’t shut me out,” he cried. I watched as tears fell down his face as he begged me for another chance. “Please, Mel. I don’t know what else I can say to change your mind. Please.”

 

I stood there, faced with the decision that would determine the rest of my life. Either I could let Brian try to make things right, and possibly end up even worse off than I already was, or I could push him away and have the sense of regret and wonder for the rest of my life. Either way, I felt like I would be hurt. And in the end, I would rather be hurt WITH Brian in my life than without.

 

“Okay,” I conceded. “Okay.”

Brian pulled himself off his knees and pulled me into his arms. I let myself surrender to the warmth of his embrace, leaning my weight on him as I cried for all we had lost and all we had found.

 

When we finally parted, Brian wiped my tears with his thumbs and pulled me in for a long, deep kiss. Brian pulled away, suddenly, and looked down at the floor of the Gazebo, a look of guilt crossing his face.

 

“Brian?” I asked.

 

“You’re married, Mel,” he pointed out the obvious, but the way he said made me think that he was just realizing it for the first time.

 

“Yes, I am married, but it’s not what you think,” I sighed.

 

“What do you mean it’s not what I think? What else can marriage mean?” he asked, turning away from me. “You said he treats you well. He’s probably never hurt you like I did.”

 

“Brian, you’re right. He has never hurt me. And he treats me very well. He’s my best friend, and he always will be, but our marriage is not what you think it is. It’s a cover for his true lifestyle. That’s all.” I paused, letting my words sink in. When Brian gave me a questioning look, I finally admitted the truth. “John’s gay.”

 

“Gay?” Brian asked.

 

“Yeah. He’s gotten very good at hiding it, but he is completely, 100% gay. He has been for as long as I’ve known him. I’m one of maybe a handful of people who actually know the truth. And after… what happened… he asked me to be his cover and I agreed,” I confessed.

 

He nodded, looking at me before returning his gaze back to the Gazebo floor. “But that still doesn’t change the fact that you are married. And it doesn’t change the fact that so am I,” he guiltily pointed out.

 

I stood there, unable to believe his nerve. Three years ago, when we had been together, he had been cheating on Leighanne and it didn’t seem to bother him then. Now, all of a sudden, he had a conscience? How dare he. “That never stopped you before,” I spat, my anger getting the best of me.

 

“That’s not fair, Mel,” he refuted, his head shooting up at the acid tone I was using.

 

“Not fair!? You know what’s not fair, Brian? What’s not fair is telling me you love me, but, when a true test presents itself, you leave me high and dry because of your guilt. What’s not fair is asking me, who you claim to love, to give up my one and only son because you want to save your marriage to someone you aren’t sure you truly love. And you know what else isn’t fair? It’s not fair coming back into MY life, giving me a false hope and then snatching it back just as I begin to feel like smiling again,” I yelled.

 

I watched as his face fell with every harsh word out of my mouth, but once I had started, I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I had been holding everything inside for so long, and now that I had started to release all the hurt and anger, I couldn’t just give in again. “You’re right, Mel,” he sighed, a single tear falling from his eye, a sharp contrast to the tears that were now coursing down my cheeks.

 

“Make your choice right now, Brian, because I don’t think I can live through another broken heart from you. Either you choose me and choose to stand by me until the end or you walk away now. I don’t have the energy to fight for you. I… I can’t go through that pain again. I don’t think I can handle it. So, either you love me and are with me all the way, or you choose to walk away and never come back again.” I knew that I was risking everything, but I had to be certain. I didn’t think I could survive another broken heart from this man. I didn’t want to end up even worse off than I already was. I needed to know if he was serious about being with me or else I had to walk away before I got hurt again.

 

“I love you, Mel. I choose you,” he professed, not even hesitating for a second. “It’s always been you.”

 

I couldn’t speak as my voice was silenced by my emotions. I cried tears of happiness because I knew that he was telling the truth. Just one look into his eyes told me all I needed to know. The desperation and fear of loss told me that he would do whatever it took to keep me in his life this time around. The love was undeniable as he looked at me like I was the only woman alive, the only person who mattered. And the determination showed me that he was not going to lose, no matter what. He would battle any force that stood in our way until every ounce of energy was spent… and then he would fight some more. We had both seen what it was like being without the other, and we would NOT go through that again without fighting with every last breath in our bodies.

 

“Oh Brian,” I cried, as he pulled me into his arms with an intensity that told me he would not be letting go any time soon.

 

“I’m not letting you go this time, Mel. We will fight whatever comes our way, but we will get through it together. I promise, I am not leaving you again,” he swore, begging me with his eyes to believe him.

 

“I don’t think I could handle it if you did,” I admitted, showing my weakness.

 

“I couldn’t either,” he confessed as well, giving me a half-smile. “It has taken everything in me to keep going for Baylee’s sake. It has been hell living each day looking into his face and seeing you. Every smile from him is a reminder of what I lost and what I gave up. But it is also the only thing that gives me hope.”

 

I smiled at the mention of our son. “How is he?” I asked, afraid of what Brian would say.

 

“He’s an amazing little boy. He is also extremely bright. I’m pretty sure he knows that Leighanne isn’t his mother. He calls her ‘Mommy,’ but he makes a face every time he does,” Brian explained.

 

“He’s absolutely beautiful. I have been watching every appearance you Boys have made since he was born just so I could see you and Baylee. He looks so much like you did when you were young,” I smiled.

 

“He looks like you, too, you know,” he said, softly caressing my face. “He’s got your smile and your nose.”

 

“Yeah, but he has your hair and your eyes,” I replied back, running my hand through his messy curls.

 

He smiled at me, a smile full of promise for the future and memories of the past.

 

“We should head back. John is probably waiting for us,” I suggested.

 

“He won’t be mad, will he?” Brian questioned.

 

“No, he won’t be mad at all,” I assured.

 

We walked back into the house together, Brian holding my hand the entire way. “So, how did it go?” John asked. He was seated in the living room, watching the door and waiting for us to get back.

 

I smiled a knowing smile at him, shaking my head in disbelief at his crazy methods. I let go of Brian’s hand, walking over to John and sitting beside him on the couch. “Thank you, John,” I smiled, hugging him close.

 

“I’d do anything for you. You’re my best friend and you’ve sacrificed so much for me already,” he responded, returning the hug.

 

I looked up at Brian, who was sitting down on the loveseat across from us, smiling at us. “Still, thank you,” I added before getting back up and joining Brian on the loveseat.

 

“Well, I’m supposed to meet David in 20 minutes, so I will see you guys tomorrow,” John said, getting up.

 

I smiled at him, giving him a quick wink as he walked across the living room. “Thank you, John,” I said when he passed by me, reaching out my hand to grasp his.

 

“Anything for you, Mel. You deserve everything you want in this world,” he told me, squeezing my hand before walking out of the room.

 

A few minutes later, we heard the front door close and John’s car drive away from the house, leaving Brian and I alone together for the first time in years.

The following weeks were spent in blissful happiness for me. I had the best of both worlds. I got to spend quiet nights at home with Brian, just being in the comfort of his arms while we watched a movie or talked, but I also got to spend time with John as well, going to charity events and just being the perfect wife and best friend I had always been. The press had noticed my change of attitude, too. I was much more willing to talk to the press and smile for the cameras instead of shying away. When John and I weren’t making our rounds in the Christian community, we were working with Brian on his album. We spent many long days and nights in the studio, writing and recording. On several occasions, Brian would end up sleeping at the house instead of making the journey back out of town only to return again the next morning. Brian and I picked up our relationship as if we had never been apart. We immediately fell back into the roles we had once had. Still, through it all, there was one thing that was missing and that kept hanging over my head. I still had yet to see Baylee since Brian’s return in my life, and, honestly, I was terrified to meet him.

 

In May, Brian began rehearsal for his upcoming Backstreet tour. Fortunately, John and I had many clients who lived in L.A. and we did a lot of business there, so we had invested in a house for those times we had to go to California for work. When Brian had to head west for rehearsals, John and I followed. One night, Brian and I were curled up on the couch together when he mentioned an idea that completely threw me off guard.

 

“I want you to come to rehearsal with me tomorrow,” he mentioned casually while we were watching The Notebook.

 

“What!?!” I screeched, staring at him as if he had completely lost his mind.

 

“I want you to come to rehearsal with me tomorrow,” he repeated, pausing the movie and then turning to face me.

 

“Are you crazy, Brian? If I go to rehearsal with you, the guys will get suspicious,” I stated incredulously.

 

“Alex already knows and Howie and Nick both know how miserable I have been with Leighanne. They will just be happy to see me smiling again,” he tried to convince me.

 

“Brian, they are going to think the worst of me. I don’t want them to start off thinking I am a home-wrecking, cheating whore. They won’t understand why we are doing what we are doing,” I continued to argue.

 

“They would never think of you like that. You don’t give them enough credit. They WILL understand,” he laughed.

 

“Brian…” I warned, his laughing not helping the matter.

 

“I promise, they won’t think badly about you,” he tried soothing me.

 

“I don’t know, Brian. That’s a big step and a big risk,” I tried one last time to convince him otherwise, despite the fact that I knew I was going to give into him like I always did. He just had that kind of power over me. I couldn’t refuse him if he asked me for something. Just one look into his pleading, crystal blue eyes and I would give him anything he wanted. A lot of that, though, had to do with the fact that I trusted him with my life, and I knew he would never ask something of me that I couldn’t give.

 

“It’s worth it, don’t you think? I don’t want to hide our relationship from the people I care about most. You mean the world to me and I want my brothers to know that,” he told me, caressing my cheek with his thumb.

 

“I just don’t want you to regret anything or feel ashamed of me,” I confessed my true fears and insecurities.

 

“I could never regret being with you or feel ashamed. You’re amazing. I am so proud of you, and I want to tell the world that you’re my girl. You are the best thing to happen in my life, and I am lucky to have you with me,” he lovingly told me. “I love you, Mel. Nothing will ever change that.”

 

“I love you, too, Brian,” I repeated, giving in.

 

“I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow morning, then,” he finalized, leaning in and giving me a deep kiss, which only intensified as time passed by. Soon, the movie was long-forgotten as we lost ourselves in a world of love and passion, kissing and making up for lost time.

 

By the time we finally noticed the clock, it was after midnight, and we knew that tomorrow was going to be a very long, emotional day. I walked him to the door, bidding him a goodnight with the promise of being ready at 7 for rehearsal. With one final goodnight kiss, he was gone and, in less than 20 minutes, I was reunited with him in my dreams.

 

 

*the next day – at rehearsal*

 

“Brian, are you sure this is a good idea?” I questioned as he lead me into the dance studio where rehearsals were being held. I wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into and that I gave him every opportunity to back out if he wanted to. Plus, I was nervous.

 

“I’m positive. We’re early, so we will be the first ones there. It’ll give you some time to calm down and get comfortable first.” When he noticed my nervous shaking and twitching, he stopped me, turned me to him, and laughingly said, “Stop worrying. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

 

As much as I tried to calm myself down, I was unsuccessful. I couldn’t stop playing different scenarios in my head, none of them as happy as Brian seemed to think today would be. Still, I knew how important this was for him, and that was the only reason I had yet to turn around and run out the door screaming the whole way home.

 

“EVERYBODY! Yeahhhhh. Rock your body. Yeahhhh. EVERYBODY, rock your body right!” a familiar voice sang, loudly. I looked at Brian, who reached over to hold my hand in a sign of support, just before the doors were thrown open in the dramatic fashion that could only come from one person. “Backstreet’s back…”

 

“Alright,” Brian finished singing, laughing at his best friend’s antics.

 

“Hey Rok, what are you…” Alex started, but his sentence soon trailed off when he saw me sitting beside Brian. “Mel?” he questioned, confusion written all over his expression.

 

“Hey Alex,” I smiled. I regretted not keeping in touch with him, but I also knew that, ultimately, I had no choice in the matter. If I had kept in touch with him, I would have been tempted to try and contact Brian and Baylee. And knowing Alex, he would have wanted to fix things between Brian and I, which would have, ultimately, caused me more heartache and frustration. I knew that Brian had to come to me in his own time if things were ever going to work between us.

 

“Well come here, girl! Give me a hug! I haven’t seen you in, what, 3 years?” he exclaimed, his excitement immediately making me loosen up and relax.

 

“I know. I’m sorry,” I told him, hugging him with a force I didn’t even know I had in me.

 

“Where have you been? What are you doing here? Why didn’t you ever call? Why did you leave?” Alex questioned, not even stopping to breathe.

 

“I just had some things I had to deal with on my own, that’s all,” I sighed, glancing at Brian before turning back to Alex. “I just couldn’t keep going the way I was.”

 

“Fair enough,” he conceded. Before we had time to say anything else, the remaining three Boys made their entrance into the studio, followed closely by their choreographer, Camilla Santiago.

 

As they made their way over to our group, I felt myself start to panic, but before I became too overwhelmed, Brian reached out to grasp my hand for support. When I glanced at him, he gave me a supportive smile and a quick wink before addressing his band mates.

 

“Hey guys, I want you to meet the most important person in my life, Melanie Dav… Williams,” he introduced me, managing to catch his slip up in time. “Mel, this is Howie Dorough, Kevin Richardson and Nick Carter.”

 

“Hi guys. I have heard so much about you from these two. It’s an honor to finally be able to meet you,” I politely greeted. I didn’t know what to expect, but I did not expect what happened to happen. I reached out my hand to shake Howie’s hand, and immediately, I was pulled into a tight hug, as if he were hugging a long-lost friend. And as soon as he released me, Nick pulled me into his own tight embrace. Kevin smiled at me as he recognized me from a distant memory, pulling me into his own hug.

 

“These guys have told us so much about you that we feel like we already know you. Brian used to tell us stories about all the crazy things you used to do. And during our hiatus, he made all of us listen to your show every morning,” Nick explained for them.

 

I looked at Brian, who was looking down, his whole face tented red as he blushed.

 

“Well, then, I guess I have a lot of catching up to do,” I smiled.

 

“You bet. How’s now for you?” he laughed.

 

“Now is not the time to discuss your life history, Nickolas. Now is the time to dance,” Camilla interrupted before Nick could say anything else.

 

The guys jokingly groaned in disapproval, yelling out various excuses about not being able to dance today. However, with one stern look from Camilla, they were in their positions faster than I could blink my eyes. I returned to my seat on the couch to watch the rehearsal. Every so often, Brian would slip me a smile or a wink. All his goofing around, though, got him in trouble when Camilla called him out. “BRIAN! Stop flirting and pay attention to the steps you are supposed to have memorized by now. You, of all the guys, need to be paying the most attention.”

 

I immediately hid my face in my hands, completely humiliated by the fact that not only had we been caught, but Camilla had announced it to the rest of the guys as well. I started laughing at myself, but my humiliation was short-lived when I felt Brian’s phone vibrate next to me. When I saw that it was Jenny, his babysitter and niece, calling, my stomach dropped, and I rushed over to Brian, his phone in hand.

 

I quickly pulled him off to the side and handed him the phone. “Jenny’s calling,” I explained, and with a slight nod, he took the phone, answering the call of his hysterical niece screeching on the other end. The feeling in the pit of my stomach only got worse by the second, and when I saw Brian’s face drop, I knew something was wrong. When Brian hung up, we turned around and everyone was watching us with a keen eye, Camilla’s eyebrows raised in annoyance.

 

“Guys, I’m sorry but I have to go. Jenny just called and Baylee is sick. I’ll call you guys later and let you know what’s going on,” he said, making his way to his bag in the corner before turning back to me. “Mel, come on.”

 

“Brian...” I started to protest, but he wouldn’t let me.

 

“Mel, you belong there just as much as I do. He needs you. He needs the both of us,” Brian told me, his voice and face conveying how much he believed what he was saying.

 

I looked down at the floor for a second before nodding and running to catch up to him. In less than a minute, we were out the door and in the car on our way to see our sick son.

The closer we got to Brian’s house, the more nauseous I got. I couldn’t seem to control the thoughts racing through my mind. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he’s scared of me? Will he know who I am or will he think I am just another stranger? I sat there staring out the window wondering what I was doing. Why are you doing this to me?

 

“Doing what?” Brian asked. I hadn’t ever realized I had it out loud, but now Brian was waiting for an answer I didn’t have.

 

“Driving like a crazy person. The last I remembered, you were an excellent driver,” I covered quickly, not wanting him to know what was really on my mind.

 

He turned to me, his scrutinizing stare making me extremely self-conscious. I could tell by his facial expression that he didn’t believe me, but, luckily, he didn’t push the issue. “I’m just worried about Baylee. I’m usually a very safe driver.”

 

 I nodded, letting the subject drop. We rode the rest of the way in silence, but every few seconds, I could feel Brian’s eyes staring at the back of my head. I never once dared to turn toward him, though, because I knew he would be able to read me instantly with just one glance into my eyes. He had always been able to understand me without either of us having to utter a single word. It was what made us so great together. We could have an entire conversation with just our eyes.

 

When we finally pulled into his driveway, I refused to move from my seat in his car. I didn’t know what to expect inside that house and I was terrified I would screw up or upset Baylee in some way.

 

I watched Brian get out of the car and start to make his way to my side, but before he could reach me, Jenny was outside and crying into Brian’s arms trying to explain what was happening with Baylee. With one glance in my direction, I knew that he was trying to reassure me that everything would be alright and to convince me to follow them into the house. I took a deep breath before stepping out of the car and doing just that.

 

As soon as I was in the house, I immediately felt out of place. This was HIS house. This was the house he shared with Leighanne. I didn’t belong here. I felt like an intruder, and I had no idea where I was supposed to go or what Brian expected from me.

 

I followed Jenny and Brian into the living room where we saw Baylee curled up on the couch, silent tears falling down his cheeks as he tried to watch his Donald Duck videos. I smiled at Brian when he looked at me, his eyes speaking volumes. I finally understood why I was there. This was OUR son, and he needed his parents. He needed a mother’s touch because, truthfully, he had never had it before. Leighanne, Brian had told me on more than one occasion, still resented Baylee because he was a constant reminder that Brian loved someone else. She was never downright mean to him, but she was definitely NOT a mother to him.

 

“Hey buddy,” Brian greeted him, kneeling in front of the couch and feeling Baylee’s forehead.

 

“I dun feel good, daddy,” Baylee told Brian.

 

“I know, little man. Just hang in there, and we’ll make it all better,” he soothed, brushing his son’s curls away from his eyes. “Mel, come here,” he requested, turning his attention on me. I quickly made my way to where they were, kneeling down so that I was at the same level Brian was at. “Baylee, this is Mel. Is it alright if she stays with you while I go and get you something to make you feel better?” Brian asked.

 

I watched as Baylee’s eyes shifted from me to Brian and back again. “Hi Baylee,” I smiled at him.

 

Before I even had time to react, Baylee’s arms were around my neck and he was clinging to me as if his life depended on it. Brian gave me a proud smile as he watched me comfort Baylee. I looked at him, tears welling in my eyes as I rubbed Baylee’s back, trying to soothe his pain.

 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m going to drop Jenny off at home and then I am going to get something for Baylee,” Brian explained. I simply nodded in response, not once taking my eyes off of Baylee.

 

Brian walked out of the room, and I turned all my attention to our son. “Do you want to lie down so you can still watch TV?” I asked. At his nod, I maneuvered the both of us so that his head was resting in my lap as he lay across the couch.

 

We sat there in silence, watching the television while we waited for Brian to get back. When I realized I hadn’t heard anything from Baylee for awhile, I looked down and saw a sight that made my heart soar. He was fast asleep, as comfortable as could be in my lap. I felt my eyes well up, looking at my beautiful little boy. As I watched him sleep, I noticed how much he really was a mix between me and Brian. While he had Brian’s curly hair, he had the exact hair color I had at his age. His eyes were purely Brian’s, but his smile was all me.

 

It hit me then that Brian had done this just as much for me as he had for Baylee. He knew how much I had missed Baylee and how much it hurt me to know that some other woman was raising the child Brian and I had conceived out of love. By letting me take care of Baylee, Brian was trying to show me that while Leighanne may have demanded custody, she had not had an influence on our son.

 

“Hey…” I heard him whisper behind me. “Are you okay?” He gently reached over and wiped my tears away with his thumb. His warm, caring smile brought more tears to my eyes, quickly replacing the dry paths with fresh tears.

 

“Thank you,” was all I could manage to get out, but it was more than enough for Brian to know what I was thinking.

 

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head on straight,” he apologized.

 

We sat there together, for the first time, as a family, Brian comforting me while I held our sick son. It was then that I knew what it was all for. It was then that I realized I had no other choice but to fight for what was rightfully mine. It was then that I vowed to do whatever it took to get my family back.

 

Two hours later, after Brian and I had managed to get Baylee to sleep in his bed, knocked out by the medicine, we found ourselves cuddling in Brian’s room, talking about what lie before us and what I had missed in our son’s life thus far.

 

“He’s a very energetic kid… but then again, we were both the same way,” Brian laughed, sharing a story about Baylee’s first trip to DisneyWorld.

 

“I bet you were right there with him running from ride to ride. You can’t fool me, Brian, I know you. You’re just a big kid in a grown man’s body,” I said, knowing that is exactly what happened.

 

“Yeah, well. He needed SOMEONE to go on the rides with him,” Brian defended. I just sat there laughing my head off at him, loving just being near him. “Besides, you know, I’m not a kid ALL the time,” he sexily growled, our innocent conversation suddenly charged with sexual tension.

 

“Oh… I don’t know about that. It’s been awhile since you’ve proved it to me,” I teased. “A lot can change in 3 years.”

 

“Not that much,” he told me, crawling over me and kissing me passionately.

 

Just as we started making out, a little voice called out from the room down the hall. “Daddy?”

 

He quickly pulled his lips from mine, placing his face between my neck and my shoulder in disappointment. “This is not over,” he commanded, telling me that I had a lot to look forward to in the near future.

 

“Daddy?” Baylee called out again.

 

Brian rolled off of me and slowly pulled himself up off the bed, quickly trying to clear his hair and his clothes of any signs of our previous activities.

 

“Daddy?” the voice called one last time, this time right outside the door.

 

“Hey buddy, what’s wrong?” Brian questioned, opening the door for his son.

 

“You lefted me,” Baylee said, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to get rid of the sleep that had accumulated in the corners.

 

“I know Bud. But I’ve been right here the whole time. I promise. Just ask Mel,” Brian assured our son.

 

“Can I sweep here?” Baylee asked.

 

Brian sent me a questioning look to which I responded with a single nod. “Of course you can, little man,” Brian agreed, swooping Baylee up in his arms and flying him to the bed as if he were a miniature airplane.

 

As soon as he had “landed” I tucked him in under the blankets and he snuggled up to my side as close as he could get. Brian followed his son’s path, getting under the covers with us and snuggling as close to me as he could get with another body between us.

 

 That night we spent our first night as a real family. As we drifted off the sleep, the same thought floated through both Brian’s and my mind: This is our family. We’re finally together.

“Hey Brian, Mel. How’s the little guy?” Alex asked as he walked into rehearsal the next day.

 

“He’s still sick, but he’s doing a lot better. He really had us scared yesterday, though. He was burning up and in a near-catatonic state,” Brian informed his band mate.

 

“Did you see him, Mel?” Alex asked. I nodded, a smile immediately spreading across my face. “He’s amazing, isn’t he? He’s gotten so big these last few months, just shooting up.”

 

“He’s beautiful. More than I could have ever imagined. And he’s the smartest kid I’ve ever met,” I gushed.

 

“He’s a lot like his parents. When he’s not sick, he is so full of life. He’s always looking for an adventure and trying to make people laugh. He’s a big goofball just like his dad. But he’s also so creative. He’s always thinking of new ideas and games to play. And he’s a dreamer like you, telling me that someday he’s going to be an astronaut or a firefighter. That kid is so much like you two, it’s crazy,” Alex described our son perfectly.

 

“He’s amazing, that’s for sure,” I smiled.

 

“Hey guys!” Howie greeted, walking into the room.

 

“Hey Howie,” we all greeted in unison.

 

“I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk much yesterday. I hope everything is alright with Baylee,” Howie apologized to me before asking about Baylee.

 

“He’s doing a lot better today. He’s was pretty sick yesterday, though,” I told him.

 

“Poor little guy,” Howie sighed, knowing that Baylee hated being stuck in bed.

 

“Yeah. He was pretty upset that he couldn’t come with us this morning,” I laughed. “He threw a fit when we left, begging us to take him with us.”

 

Howie gave me a quizzical look, making me immediately go back over what I had just said. It was then that I realized I had practically admitted to spending the night. “So you were there this morning?” Howie asked, just as Nick made his way to the group.

 

I quickly exchanged looks with Brian and Alex, wondering what to do. I didn’t know how much the other guys knew or how much Brian wanted them to know. I didn’t mean to let the words slip out, but now that they had, what did I do?

 

“Howie, Nick, there’s something I need to tell you both,” Brian interjected for me. I gave him an ‘are you sure’ look, to which he nodded subtly. “Guys, Melanie is Baylee’s biological mother.”

 

“WHAT!? What about Leighanne? We SAW her when she was pregnant,” Nick exclaimed.

 

“She was wearing a stunt bump. When Mel found out she was pregnant, we had already broken up because Leighanne found out I was cheating on her with Mel. She gave us… me… an ultimatum. She told me that either we pretend that SHE was the one who was pregnant and that Mel sign over custody of our child or she would divorce me and tell everyone the truth. At the time, I thought there was still a chance for me and Leigh. I thought that, maybe, she would eventually go back to being who she used to be, but I was wrong. Mel agreed, only because I asked her to, and Leigh pretended to be pregnant.” By the time Brian was done, the other two Boys were left in shock, darting their eyes from me to Brian and back again.

 

“So how does Alex fit into all of this? How did he know?” Howie asked, clearly the only one really processing anything at the moment, and also the only one who noticed the glances the three of us had exchanged at my slip up.

 

“At the time, Alex and I talked regularly. He knew about Baylee before I ever told Brian. In fact, Alex was with me when I told Brian and Leigh. He was the only reason I was able to do it at all,” I confessed, smiling gratefully in his direction.

 

“Whoa…” was all they could say.

 

“I know it’s a lot to take in. I wanted to tell you guys a million times, but I didn’t want you thinking badly of me or Mel,” Brian tried justifying.

 

“You don’t have to explain, Brian. We understand,” Nick finally spoke, adding to the conversation. “Personally, though, I don’t know how you’ve put up with Leigh for as long as you have. I would have kicked her out on her ass by now, especially if I had someone like Mel waiting for me to open my eyes and get my head out of my ass.”

 

I smiled at the younger man. Most people didn’t give him near enough credit. He was extremely intelligent. Sure, from what I had seen and heard, he tended to have a very quick temper and changed moods faster than a pregnant woman, but he was also extremely deep and idealistic.

 

“I’m not proud of the way I’ve acted the last few years,” Brian confessed to all of us, the regret and sorrow filling his voice. “I’ve been a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. I haven’t really been treating the people who mean the most to me the way they deserve. I’ve hurt everyone I love because I’ve been so focused on what I want and what’s right for MY life. I’m sorry guys. I’m sorry, Mel.”

 

“Brian…” we all said at once.

 

I watched as Nick stopped Howie from speaking, gesturing to let me go first. “Thanks, Nick.” At his nod of acknowledgment, I turned my attention back to Brian. “Brian, how many times do I have to tell you that I’ve forgiven you before you finally believe it? I’m not going to lie and say you didn’t hurt me, but you know I’m not the type of person to hold a grudge. I love you, Brian, despite everything we have been through. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, and I have a feeling you will be the only one I will ever love. Nothing will change that. As far as you being selfish, I think you’re the least selfish person I have ever met. I know that deep down, you did everything you did because you were thinking about everyone BUT yourself. You stayed with Leighanne because you knew that if you didn’t, she would tell the press about us and that could have been the end of the Backstreet Boys. Plus, even if she had changed and had hurt you, you still loved her in some way, and you didn’t want to cause her pain. You also didn’t want to put our son through so much at such a young age. You didn’t want to have to be involved in a divorce with Leighanne, trying to save your career AND trying to spend time with Baylee. You wanted to be able to devote all your time to our son. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Things could have gone a little smoother, but life is about facing the challenges head-on and getting though them to become a better person. You did that, and everything is working itself out. You have nothing to be sorry for,” I lectured. When I was done, I looked at the other faces, all of which were in agreement with my mini-speech. I didn’t realize that Kevin had joined our group until I was done. By the look on his face, though, I could tell he had known the truth for awhile. I was glad to know someone had been there for Brian to talk to all this time.

 

“She’s right, Brian,” Howie agreed, smiling at me before turning to his brother and band mate. “You don’t have a selfish bone in your body. For as long as I have known you, you have always put others before yourself.”

 

“You’re the most amazing person I have ever met, Bri. Why do you think I am so proud to call you my best friend?” Nick added.

 

“And why do you think I’ve stuck by your sorry ass all this time? I supported you because I know the kind of person you are, and I know you never meant to hurt Mel. I also knew that you didn’t need me lecturing you because you were probably already beating yourself up enough for the both of us,” Alex laughed, knowing that is exactly what Brian had been doing.

 

“Brian. All of us love you. We know the person you are and we know you would never hurt anyone if you could help it,” I emphasized.

 

We watched as Brian’s eyes scanned the room, misting over as he smiled at each of us appreciatively. “I love you guys too.”

 

“No matter what happens, we’re all here for you. We’ve got your back and we’re not going anywhere,” I finished.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered. His eyes said it all. He loved us all dearly, and the determination I saw told me he was going to do whatever it took to make things right. I thought of how far we had already come in the last few months, and I knew that things would get better, but first, we would have to fight and prove our love. Things were going to get a lot harder soon, but looking around at all the support we had, I had faith that we would get through this together.

The weeks leading up to the tour were hectic and uncharacteristically perfect. Leighanne was still working on her new movie, leaving plenty of time for Brian and I to be together. I also spent a fair amount of time with Baylee, either with Brian or by myself. Additionally, each of the Boys would call me up every few days to hang out or meet for lunch. By the time they had finished rehearsals and were getting ready to head out on the road, I had grown close to each and every one of them. Brian and I both knew the tour was going to be hard on us because it meant we’d have to be apart for awhile. Leighanne was meeting Brian in Atlanta for the third show of the tour, and she would be joining him until the end of the American/Canadian leg in November before promotion for her movie began.

 

“I’m going to miss you and Baylee so much,” I told Brian the night before he was scheduled to fly out to Florida.

 

“I know. We’re going to miss you too. Baylee has become so attached to you already. I hate that I have to take him with me. I wish I could just leave him with you, but then Leighanne would get suspicious. She knows I have to have him with me whenever I do anything with the Boys,” Brian sighed in frustration and annoyance.

 

The entire time Leighanne had been working on her movie, she called Brian and Baylee twice. Once was on Brian’s birthday, the other was when she called to say she wouldn’t be coming back in May like she originally thought. Apparently, it was taking them longer to get the shots they needed that they originally planned, so she called to tell Brian she would meet him in Atlanta on July 24 instead of in L.A. in May. It’s not that I was complaining because it just meant I got to spend more time with my boys, but I was disappointed that after making a big deal about keeping Brian and getting Baylee, she obviously didn’t care about them. Brian had sacrificed everything for her, but she didn’t feel the same. That much was obvious.

 

“Oh! I almost forgot. I have something for you. I know I’m always late, but, happy birthday,” Brian wished, giving me a kiss on the cheek before handing me a small, wrapped gift.

 

I looked at him, a gasp leaving my mouth. I slow pulled the wrapping paper away from the box, smiling the entire time as my mind swirled with thoughts of what he could have gotten me. When I was finally able to open the box, my heart stopped for a second and all the air left my lungs. Inside the small Tiffany & Co. box was a diamond heart pendent made out of platinum. “Oh Brian, you shouldn’t have. This must have cost you a fortune,” I breathed, my eyes never leaving the sparkling diamonds.

 

“Well, it’s not like I couldn’t afford it. Plus, I wanted to get you something special so that you had a piece of me with you at all times. Every time you look at this heart around your neck, think about how you are the only one who has my heart. Think about how you are the only one who can make my heart race and stop at the same time. Think about how you are the only one that I will ever love. You’re my past, my future and my present. I want you to remember that while we’re apart. I love you, Mel, and someday, I promise, I will tell the entire world that you’re my girl. Until then, remember that you are always on my mind and in my heart, and I am always with you,” he professed.

 

“Oh Brian, I love you so much. I don’t know how we’re going to get through this tour,” I sighed in misery.

 

“We’ll talk every day. The guys are already trying to think up ways to get Leighanne away from the tour for awhile so that you can join us for a week. We’ll work it out somehow,” he soothed.

 

“I hope so. I don’t want to lose you again,” I whispered, my heart remembering the pain I suffered last time we were separated.

 

“Never again, I promise,” he told me, pulling me into his arms and reassuring me through his kiss. That night we spent our first night together since Atlanta all those years ago. As he made love to me, he showed me through his actions that he meant every word he said. His heart was mine – that much was obvious. No matter what, I would not let him go this time without a fight. And if Leighanne tried to stand in my way, I was ready.

 

 

*three weeks later*

 

“John!” I called, hearing my phone going off. “Do you know where I put my phone?”

 

“Here you go, babe,” he said, handing me my phone.

 

“Hello?” I answered, slightly out of breath from running around trying to find my phone.

 

“Hey baby!” I heard Brian’s honey-sweet voice greet me through the phone. “How are things going over there?”

 

“John and I are almost done working out the kinks with the songs you sent us. What about on your end?” I questioned. Brian and the guys had been brainstorming the last few nights, thinking of ways to get me on tour and Leighanne off it… at least for a little while. Both Brian and I were miserable without one another, and the guys were getting tired of hearing our complaints at one in the morning… every morning.

 

“I think we figured something out. One of Leighanne’s friends is pregnant, and so I’m going to offer to pay for Leighanne to have a baby shower for her friend… that way, she can go back to Atlanta for 2 weeks to help her friend plan the baby shower and spend time with her and you can join us here,” he told me their idea.

 

“That just might work,” I smiled, getting excited at the prospect of seeing Brian again.

 

“She’s supposed to be back within the hour, and I’ll ask her then what she thinks about the idea. I’ll call you tonight when I find out what she says,” he promised. “I have to go now, though, so I will talk to you tonight. I love you.”

 

“Love you too. Bye,” I responded just before he hung up.

 

That night, Brian called me back telling me the plans had been made. In a week, Leighanne was flying out to Atlanta. That same night, I would be flying in to spend the next two weeks with the Boys. We even went as far as to have a story in case the press saw Brian and I or Baylee and I together. As far as the press was concerned, I was Baylee’s on-tour babysitter. I also dyed my hair black so that if anyone saw any pictures of me with Brian, they’d be unable to recognize me.

 

A week later, I could not sit still as my flight descended into the Loveland, Colorado area. In less than 20 minutes, I knew I would be seeing Brian.

 

“Thank you for flying Continental. We hope you enjoyed your flight and will consider us for all your future travel needs,” the captain said over the intercom, signaling the end of the flight. I immediately darted out of my seat, carry-on in tow, to be the first one off the plane.

 

I walked straight to baggage claim, knowing that was where Brian said he would be meeting me. As I looked around, searching the endless sea of faces in front of me, I felt someone sneak up behind me and a pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist. His colon was comforting, and I sighed as I sank into his warm embrace. “You know, a gorgeous woman like you shouldn’t be wandering the airport alone. Someone could try to take advantage of you,” a sexy, Southern, huskier-than-normal, but familiar voice whispered in my ear.

 

“Well, sir,” I played along, “I’m not exactly alone. See, I’m waiting for this handsome blonde-haired, blue-eyed man to come sweep me off my feet and have his way with me tonight. Do you know anyone who fits that description?”

 

I heard Brian clear his throat in an attempt to speak as my words had an obvious affect on him. “I think I can accommodate the lady,” he spoke, his voice strained from the intensity of his desire. I felt his lips gently trail down the side of my neck, making me shiver in delight and anticipation of what tonight would bring.

 

I turned around, finally able to look into the eyes of the man I had missed the last month we had been apart. His hat made it difficult for me to see his eyes, but I knew it was also the only reason he had not been recognized yet. The hat he wore hid his face well, and he had used temporary hair dye to color his visible hair black as well. He also was wearing one of Alex’s Jack Daniel’s jackets and a pair of his pants, chains coming from every belt loop, it seemed. “I missed you, handsome,” I told him, running my hand down his cheek in a loving motion. I was blind to his outfit because all I saw was the man I loved standing in front of me, a smile on his face and his blue eyes shining with love.

 

“I missed you, too,” he told me, leaning in and giving me a deep kiss. I had missed his kisses the most while we were apart. They always told me everything I needed to know about how he was feeling. Every kiss was so filled with passion and promise, that he always left me wanting more.

 

I heard the conveyer belt behind us start, and we turned to catch my suitcase so that we could leave before anyone spotted us. As soon as we had my suitcase in hand, we made our way out to Brian’s rental car. While he drove, concentrating on the road, I took this time to study him. His blonde hair was sticking up all over the place because of the hat he had been wearing. His blue eyes, which had a childlike gleam to them at the moment, stared straight ahead at the road, only occasionally veering to change lanes. His chiseled jaw was set in a determined expression as he fought to get us to the hotel so we could have some time together before the show. And his mouth held the faintest hint of a smile, his laugh lines clearly visible as he sang along softly to the radio.

 

Suddenly, as if he felt my intense, scrutinizing stare, he turned to me, flashing me one of his famous Litrrell smiles. “What?” he asked, noticing the look of wonder I had on my face, like a child seeing a dog for the first time.

 

I shook my head, smiling back at him. “Nothing. I was just watching you.” He shot me a look, trying to understand what was going through my mind, but gave up, smiling at me before turning his attention back to the road. “I love you,” I told him, just needing to tell him.

 

“I love you, too, Mel,” he told him, his eyes filled with more love than I had ever seen before.

 

We finally made it to the hotel, where Marcus was waiting for us. He quickly ushered us in, not stopping until we were safely in the elevator. Brian looked at me, sending me a shy smile now that we were almost back to our room. “I didn’t get you a room because I figured you could just stay with Baylee and I, but if you want your own room, I can….” Brian rambled, wanting to make sure that I didn’t feel uncomfortable or like I was being forced to do something I didn’t want to.

 

“Brian, it’s fine. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. We’re a family,” I soothed. He nodded, grabbing my hand and leading me silently to our room. After unlocking the door, he led me in before knocking on the door connecting to our room. After a couple minutes, the door opened to reveal AJ and Baylee, both with suspicious grins on their faces. Before I even had time to question it, though, Brian and I were attacked with silly string.

 

“What the…?” I cried, trying to hide behind Brian who was trying his hardest to hide behind me.

 

Alex and Baylee stopped, giving each other a high five. I shot Brian a look, and we silently counted down before turning our attention to the two miscreants in front of us. Before they had time to react, Brian and I were after them, tickling them both until they were crying for mercy, begging us to stop.

 

“I don’t know, Brian. Should we stop?” I asked, continuing to tickle Alex while Brian tickled our son.

 

“I think they’ve had enough,” he laughed, finally letting up on Baylee while I let Alex go.

 

Alex got up, straightening his shirt before reaching out and pulling me into a hug. “Welcome home, sweetheart,” he told me, still not releasing me.

 

“Thanks,” I mumbled into his chest.

 

He finally let me go, smiling down at me like a proud older brother, which is pretty much what Alex had become to me. I had called him almost as much as I had called Brian while they were on tour. I missed them dearly, and I was glad to be back where my family was. “I missed you, Bro,” I told him, nudging him with my elbow.

 

“I missed you too, Sis,” he told me, nudging me back.

 

I went over to Baylee, giving him a hug and asking him about the tour. He started telling me about all the times he got to go onstage and sing during the Soundcheck Parties. I looked over at Brian, who was talking softly with Alex while they watched us. I saw Alex nod in response to a question Brian asked, but I was unable to hear anything they were saying.

 

Far too soon, there was a knock on the door, signaling that we had to leave for the venue. I looked at Baylee, telling him to grab his stuff so we could go to the venue for the concert. Brian waited by the door for us, wrapping his arm around my waist while I held onto Baylee’s hand. “When we get down to the lobby, you’re going to have to pick Baylee up so that you can get to the van quickly,” Marcus told me in the elevator.

 

I kneeled down to Baylee, lifting him into my arms just as we reached the bottom floor. As soon as the doors opened, we rushed through the lobby, where, luckily, there were no fans. When we got outside, it was a different story. There were fans all around, and I could feel Brian’s hand on my back the whole time urging me to go faster. When we reached the safety of the van, we all breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief.

 

Now that we were safely in the van, we relaxed, laughing and joking the whole way, until we reached the venue. The boys were immediately rushed off to join Howie and Nick for some last minute adjustments while Baylee and I made our way to Brian’s dressing room to spend some quality time together.

As soon as the concert was over, I found out what Alex and Brian had been talking about earlier that day. Alex took Baylee with him back to the hotel in one car while Brian and I took another one, to spend some quality time alone. It had been a month since we had made love, and I knew that it had been on both our minds from the moment we were reunited. When we reached the hotel, we rushed into the elevator, barely able to restrain ourselves. Once we were in the elevator, we let go of all restraint as he pushed me against the wall, kissing me with a force I had never seen from him before. He kissed me passionately, his mouth taking possession of my own. His tongue pushed its way into my mouth, massaging my own and succeeding in turning me on immediately. I grabbed Brian’s collar, pulling him closer to me in an attempt to meld our bodies together. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to strip him right there in that elevator and have him possess me. I’ve been reading way too many romance novels, I thought to myself as I realized the thoughts that were running through my head. When the elevator chimed, signaling that we had reached our destination, Brian and I pulled away from each other, but he kept his hand firmly on my back, guiding me quickly to our room. He unlocked the door, closing it behind us before attacking my mouth with his own again. “I’ve missed you so much,” he confessed in between heated kisses.

 

“What… what has gotten into you?” I gasped as his kisses moved further down my neck, kissing every inch of exposed skin. “Oh God,” I cried. “Please don’t stop.”

 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” he told me.

 

He pulled me away from the door, leading me silently to the bedroom. He closed the door behind us, leaving us to reacquaint ourselves with one another’s bodies for the remainder of the night.

 

It was nearly 4 in the morning when I woke up, unable to sleep any more. Brian and I had spent much of the night rediscovering each other and finding out new ways to please one another. I looked over at the angel sleeping next to me. He looked so innocent and peaceful when he was sleeping… a complete turnaround from the animal he had been just a few hours before. I watched him sleep, his chest rising and falling with each breath. I couldn’t believe I was finally there, lying naked in bed next to the only man I had ever really loved. It all seemed so cliché, yet so real.

 

“Hey,” his sleepy voice interrupted my thoughts. “Why are you up so early?”

 

“I was just thinking,” I responded, tracing his tattoo with my fingernail. I felt his whole body shudder, and it made me smile knowing I could affect him the way he could affect me. Every little thing he did made me want him even more. I was crazy about this man, and to me, making love was the best way for us to express our deepest feelings to one another. When we were together in that way, we were sharing a piece of ourselves that very few people ever saw. We were trying to get as close to the other person as we could, since merging our souls into one body was impossible.

 

“About what?” he asked, watching me in the moonlight as I lost myself in thought.

 

“I love you so much, Brian. I never realized how much I needed you until you were gone. This past month has been hell for me. I don’t know how we got through it,” I confessed what was on my mind.

 

“We got through it because we made sure we had time for one another. I would have never been able to go through all this if I wasn’t able to hear your sweet voice every night. I never would have been able to get through it all without telling you every day how much I love you. I know it’s hard, but we’re here together, now, so let’s not waste the time worrying about you leaving. Let’s spend the time we do have together actually being together,” he preached.

 

“You’re right,” I smiled, leaning down and kissing him. “By the way, what got into you tonight? I’ve never seen you so… so… so passionate,” I observed, smiling down as I crawled on top of him. “I liked it.”

 

“I always get that way after a show,” he smirked. “Something about being up on that stage and performing gets us all on a natural high… if you know what I mean.” His smirk was so sexy, making him hotter than normal. That, and the fact that the man I loved was lying naked under me, looking at me with that same animalistic look he had just a few hours before, was more than enough to make me yearn for his touch again.

 

“Is that so? Well, I guess I am just going to have to take care of that high while I’m here, then, aren’t I?” I grinned, taking his ear into my mouth and sucking on it, causing him to groan in appreciation.

 

We spent the rest of the night “taking care of Brian’s high” before passing out just before dawn. Luckily, the guys had the next day off, so we were able to sleep in… sort of.

 

Around 10, we got the surprise of our lives when we heard a knock on the front door to the suite Brian and I shared. We quickly got up, getting dressed so we could answer the door. Since I was the first one dressed, I made my way to the door. Figuring it was one of the guys, I opened the door with a smile on my face that quickly faded when I noticed the long blonde hair and heartless eyes I had hated for the last three years. Brian finally joined me at the door, snaking his arm around my waist, kissing my neck before greeting our guest.

 

When he looked up, the blood immediately drained from his face, leaving him pale and shaking, as he came face-to-face with the one person we had tried to hide our relationship from… Brian’s wife, Leighanne Wallace. Brian pulled back from me, but unfortunately, we were already too late. Leighanne’s flight had been delayed due to a severe thunder storm over the Atlanta area, and she had come back to the hotel to wait out the storm. However, because of her timing, she caught Brian and myself in a compromising situation, which we knew there was no way of getting out of.

 

“You little bitch!” she hissed, looking at me with hate-filled eyes. “I thought I took care of you a long time ago.”

 

“Leigh!” Brian and I gasped, simultaneously; both of us were scared that she would try to slap one or both of us.

 

“What are you doing here, Leigh?” Brian asked, glancing at me quickly before returning his gaze back to her.

 

“What the FUCK do you think you’re doing with MY husband?” she asked me, instead, ignoring Brian’s question, her voice increasing in volume with each word. Brian and I closed our eyes in shame as doors opened down the hall, including all four remaining Backstreet Boys. People poked their heads out to see the commotion, and Brian and I continued to stare at our feet, trying to build up the courage to say what we needed to say. Brian looked around at the people who had entered the hall, and even though they were all members of the Boys’ crew and band, he still felt humiliated to have Leighanne announcing our business to the whole tour.

 

“Leighanne, this is neither the time nor the place to get into this,” Brian growled, obviously scared about the implications. “We’ll discuss this later, when we have some privacy.”

 

“Do you really expect me to care how this makes you look? YOU cheated on ME. You should have thought about what it could do to your image before you chose that… that… thing… over me,” she said, pointing to me.

 

“Do NOT talk about her that way. We will discuss this later, and that’s final,” Brian announced, getting more and more anxious as more people joined the group of bystanders.

 

“You know what, you’re right, Brian. This isn’t the time or the place. We’ll settle this like adults. I’ll see you in court,” she threatened, her eyes blazing. She turned to me, poking me in the chest. “As for you, you have a lot of nerve coming back. I suggest you leave now because things will only get worse for you. I doubt you want the world knowing the truth about your precious husband,” she said, whispering the last part so only the three of us could hear.

 

I looked at Brian as he moved to my side, standing slightly in front of me in an attempt to protect me. He opened his mouth to speak and defend me, but instead, I pushed him to the side, giving him a look telling him to let me handle it. “And I have some advice for YOU, too, Leighanne. Watch your back, bitch, because you may have won last time, but I promise you, I will not let that happen again. I lost my family once. It won’t happen twice, I promise,” I warned.

 

With that, I grabbed Brian’s hand as we confidently strolled back into our room, leaving a gawking Leighanne and an onslaught of surprised onlookers in our absence.

 

Once we were back in the safety of our hotel room, I let out the breath of fear I had been holding in ever since I had seen her. Now that Leighanne knew, things were going to get a lot more difficult for Brian and I, but the fact that he was by my side now instead of hers told me that things would be a lot different this time around. Brian looked at me, a smirk forming on his face and his eyes shining with a mischievous glare.

 

“What?” I asked, a smile automatically forming on my face at his expression.

 

“I never knew you had it in you. You kicked ASS!” he laughed, making me laugh along with him.

 

“I did, didn’t I?” I smirked.

 

“I’m proud of you,” he told me, suddenly turning serious. “We’ll get through this together. No more running away. I’m by your side until the end.”

 

“We’re going to get through this… you, me, and Baylee… as a family… if it’s the last thing I do,” I promised, the determination surging through my veins. We were looking at a long, hard battle, but the future still held hope for us all.

A few hours after Leighanne was gone, I suddenly remembered her threat to me, I doubt you want the world knowing the truth about your precious husband. She couldn’t mean what I thought she did, could she? How would she have even found out? What if she DID tell someone about John’s secret? I had to tell him that she knew and she was threatening to tell. I was torn on what to do beyond that, though. John had been nothing but good to me. He had been there for me when no one else was. He helped me through a time I never could have gotten through alone. Could I really let him take the fall for Brian and I? After all he had done for us, could we really let his darkest secret be revealed?

 

“Hey honey. How’s the tour?” John answered after a mere two rings.

 

“It’s good. It’s nice to be back in the arms of the man I love,” I smiled, thinking about how John was on the other end, most likely getting ready for a late date. I knew he would take advantage of the time I was gone to be with David, his boyfriend, since he didn’t get to see him as much as he would like while I was home.

 

“Sounds wonderful,” he told me through the phone. “Now what’s wrong?” he asked, reading my mind again.

 

“John, Leighanne caught Brian and I together last night,” I sighed into the phone. “She threatened to tell the world about you. I don’t know how she could have even found out, but she told me, ‘I doubt you would want the world knowing the truth about your precious husband’,” I told him. The line was silent for a while, leaving me to wonder whether he had hung up or not. “John?” I asked.

 

“Yeah…” he whispered so softly I had to strain to hear it.

 

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. It was my fault that John was in this situation. I knew that, and it tore at my soul. Yet, no matter what I did, I ended up the one losing.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. Did she tell you how she found out?” he asked.

 

“No. She didn’t say anything else,” I sighed in frustration. “Maybe I should just give up and walk away. I’m just making everyone’s life miserable. Baylee is going to get caught in the middle of a war that he never should have been involved in. Brian’s name and image is going to be dragged through the mud. If Leighanne carries out on her threat, your reputation will be destroyed. The Boys are going to have to fight to defend their name. Who am I kidding, John? I’m ruining everyone’s life just by being here. Brian doesn’t need me in his life. He was doing just fine before I came into it.” I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I hated that I was hurting the people I loved just by trying to find my own happiness. I didn’t want to be the cause of their unhappiness, even if it meant spending the rest of my life alone and miserable.

 

“Honey that…” John started to say, but before he could finish, the phone was torn out of my hand and I was staring into the pain-filled eyes of the man I loved.

 

“John, she’ll have to call you back. We have some things to discuss,” Brian said into the phone, causing me to look down at my feet in shame of being caught. I knew he was upset, but I didn’t know about what. Does he agree with me? Does he think I’m ruining his life? Is he going to turn his back on me again? Despite having said what I’d said to John, I knew that I needed Brian in my life. I didn’t want to think about being without him again. He may not have needed me, but I needed him.

 

I heard Brian hang up the phone, but I refused to look at him. If he was going to tell me to leave, I didn’t want to see his face when he did it. I was trying to gather my strength to walk out before he broke my heart again, but I couldn’t. I wanted to yell at him, tell him that I needed him. I wanted to cry, begging him to reconsider. I wanted to take everything back, telling him that I didn’t mean it. Instead, I just sat there, looking at my feet.

 

Before I knew what was happening, Brian was in front of me, kneeling down so that he could see my face. I chanced a look at his face, afraid of what I would find, but not expecting to find him crying. He looked at me, his eyes pleading silently for me to stay. He leaned in, pulling my face down to his own, kissing me deeply and with more passion than I had ever felt before.

 

When we pulled away, Brian held my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him while he spoke. “I can’t believe you would even think that I don’t need you in my life. You’re everything to me. I don’t even want to think about what my life would be like without you. You’re the reason I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. You’re the reason I know that everything will be alright no matter what’s going on in my life at that moment. I know I haven’t showed it in the past, but I promise you, we’re in this together until the end.”

 

By the time he was finished, I had tears streaming down my face. I was so choked up that I couldn’t even speak. I looked him in the eyes, trying to convey my message before pulling his face to mine and kissing him with all the love I had in me.

 

“I love you, so much, Brian,” I cried, finally able to speak what was in my heart.

 

“I love you, too, Mel. Nothing will ever change that,” he told me, pulling me into his arms as he maneuvered himself beside me on the bed.

 

“She’s still going to tell the world about us and about John,” I sighed, my relief short-lived.

 

“We’ll find a way to get through it,” he soothed, kissing my hair in a comforting gesture, trying to ease my worries.

 

I wanted to believe him, but I was worried about what the outcome of our war with Leighanne would be. Leighanne, according to all legal documentation, was Baylee’s mother. Most courts tended to side with the mother in custody battles. I knew that Leighanne didn’t really care about getting Baylee or wanting to be with him, she just wanted to hurt Brian and I. The best way to do that was to go after our son. I also knew, though, that Brian could easily make a case against her proving that she had spent a limited amount of time with Baylee, not providing the type of care a mother should. But where did I fit into all this? As far as the court was concerned, Leighanne was Baylee’s legal guardian. I had no rights what-so-ever, and Leighanne was not about to give up her rights so that I could have my son back. The court proceedings would take months, and all of our names would be dragged through the mud.

 

“We need to call a lawyer,” I mentioned, sighing at the difficult situation we were now it.

 

“I know. We’re going to have to start working on the case right away because I know Leighanne won’t waste time. When she sets her mind on something, she follows through, and right now, she has her mind set on destroying me,” Brian sighed as well, still holding me in his arms.

 

“I know a great lawyer from New York. He’s a friend of mine, and I know he’d be willing to take on this case. Plus, he has only lost one case in his 10-year career so far,” I offered.

 

“Get me his number and I will call him in the morning,” Brian told me, pulling me even closer to him. “I’m scared, Mel,” he admitted quietly.

 

“Me too. I don’t want to lose our son,” I told him, my eyes welling with tears at the thought.

 

“That won’t happen. I won’t let it,” he declared, his jaw set with determination.

 

“How can you be so sure? She won’t stop until she destroys us both, and she knows the best way to do that is by using our son against us,” I rationalized.

 

“We will NOT let her take our son. She may have some tricks up her sleeve, but I have some dirt on her too. I am pretty sure she’s been having an affair since before we were married. I didn’t find out about it until after Baylee was born, but I’m pretty sure it started long before the wedding and all the drama between us exploded,” he told me. I simply nodded, not really having anything to say in response to that. “Baby, look at me,” he requested. When I did look at him, he kissed me lightly before speaking again. “We will get through this… you, me, and Baylee. We’ll find a way to get through this; we just have to have faith. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep our family safe. You and Baylee mean everything to me, and I won’t let you suffer because I made a mistake in my past. And when all this is done, I’m going to marry you because I don’t want to spend one more moment without you as my wife.”

 

I couldn’t stop the tears this time as his words reached directly to my heart. We had always talked about being together forever, but he had never mentioned marriage before. A part of me thought that maybe he wanted to stay married to Leighanne. But as I looked into his eyes, shining with unshed tears, I knew that he meant every word. “I love you so much,” I sighed into his mouth as his lips met mine in a tender kiss. There was no rush this time. There was no need for it. We simply sat there, kissing one another, using our lips as a way to communicate what our hearts were feeling at that moment.

 

Finally, after our lungs started screaming for air, we pulled away and Brian pulled me into the safety of his arms. I had never felt more loved than I did when he held me so close to him that I could feel his heart beat against my back. I felt him maneuvering behind us as he reached for something, stopping once he found what he was looking for. To my surprise, Brian held a box in front of me, urging me to take it from his hand. “Brian…” I whispered, at a loss for words.

 

“Open it,” he instructed, looking down into my eyes as I turned my head to gaze at him. As I slowly opened the box, I felt my stomach flutter with excitement. Deep down, I knew what was in the box, but that didn’t the gasp from escaping my lips when I finally saw the ring shining up at me. “I meant it when I said I want to marry you,” he told me, taking the box from my hand and pulling the ring from its safe confines. He gently turned me around to face him as he slid the ring on my ring finger. “A perfect fit,” he smiled, kissing my hand before letting it go.

 

http://www.tiffany.com/Engagement/Item.aspx?sku=22852914

 

“Oh Brian, it’s gorgeous,” I said in amazement.

 

“It’s the Tiffany’s Jean Schlumberger Two Bees Ring,” he explained, proudly, as I admired the ring. It was a platinum ring with a center stone and several smaller diamonds on each side with 18K gold intertwined. It was elegant and breathtaking, just the way I had always envisioned my dream engagement ring to be.

 

“It’s beautiful. It’s exactly what I would have picked out if I had done it myself,” I smiled, still not tearing my eyes from the beautiful diamonds.

 

“I wanted it to be perfect because you deserve only the best in life,” he smiled. I finally tore my eyes away from the ring, looking at a much more beautiful sight… my future husband.

 

“It is perfect. Just like you,” I smiled, placing my hand on his cheek to pull him in for a kiss. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” Nothing more needed to be said.

 

Later, we joined the rest of the Boys in the hallway so we could have a group dinner, and Brian spoke up before any of them could ask us about Leighanne. “Guys, tonight is just a fun night for us to relax and enjoy our day off. I will answer your questions later, but as of right now… we are not going to talk about it.” I smiled gratefully at Brian, and watched as all the Boys nodded their understanding.

 

That night was spent being a family and having fun. As always, Alex and Nick spent the night hitting on the waitresses and letting loose, not caring about image, even if it was just for a few hours. Howie just sat there watching the two younger men’s antics while Brian and I got lost in our own world together, not even flinching when we heard Alex’s loud “Larger Than Life” howl emanate throughout the back room of the restaurant. That’s probably why we also didn’t realize that Howie was taking pictures of us with his camera until the flash hit my eyes directly on one picture.

 

To me, it was the perfect evening. I had never felt more at ease and more blissfully happy than I did at that moment. Deep down, I knew we were going to need this night because the following months were going to drain us all of our energy as we fought to save mine and Brian’s relationship. I knew the guys would never let us stand alone no matter how much we told them not to interfere, which we were going to do anyway, despite how useless it seemed. I also knew that Leighanne would try to destroy us in any way possible, even if it meant using every dirty trick she knew. The next few months would be hell, but they would also be the ultimate test. If Brian and I got through this together, we could get through anything. If we didn’t… well, I didn’t want to think about that right now. I knew that I just had to have faith that our love would persevere until the end.

The next morning, I woke up to a soft knock on the door. At first I thought I was imagining it, but a few seconds later, I heard the faint sound again. I looked over at Brian, who was still fast asleep beside me, snoring lightly with a smile on his face. I smiled at the sight before getting out of bed, pulling on a robe to answer the door.

 

“Hey Alex, what are you doing here so early?” I asked when I opened to door.

 

“I was actually hoping we could catch an early breakfast before we had to leave for the next venue,” he explained. The Boys had spent 3 nights in the same city, which was very rare, but it also meant that we would be in the bus all day today so that we could reach the next venue in enough time for the concert that night.

 

“Sure, but I kind of have to get dressed first,” I laughed, looking down at my robe and bare feet.

 

“I’ll wait,” he told me. Something about his tone told me this was not just a casual, spur-of-the-moment breakfast. He had planned this for awhile now. I quickly got dressed, trying to make as little noise as possible so I didn’t wake Brian or Baylee, who was asleep in the room next door.

 

I quickly wrote Brian a note, letting him know where I was before setting it silently on my pillow. I leaned down, laying a gentle kiss on his forehead before leaving the room to join Alex for breakfast.

 

The entire ride to the lobby was filled in silence. The longer he went without saying anything, the more nervous I became. A million thoughts ran through my mind about why he wanted to have breakfast with me.

 

Finally, after we had gotten our coffee and had ordered our food, he spoke, addressing the reason he had invited me in the first place. “So what happened yesterday with Leighanne?” he asked, getting straight to the point.

 

I sighed, straightening the napkin on my lap before responding. “Her flight was delayed, so she came back to the hotel to wait. She knocked on the door, and I opened it wearing one of Brian’s shirts and a pair of his boxers. Then she saw him in only his boxers, and she pretty much drew her conclusions from that. We thought it was one of you guys, so we didn’t think anything of it until it was too late. She yelled at us a bit, as you saw, and then she stormed off, leaving threats in her wake,” I briefly explained.

 

“And how are things between you and Brian now that Leigh knows?” he asked. I smiled softly at how protective he still was of me. I knew that he was trying to protect me from getting hurt by Brian again. He loved Brian, there was no doubt, but he was worried that I would end up hurt again.

 

“Things are better than they have been in a long time,” I smiled, my gaze automatically drifting to the ring sparkling up at me from my finger. “We’re happy and…”

 

“Wait a second,” Alex interrupted. “Is that what I think it is?” he asked, gesturing to my ring.

 

“He proposed to me after Leighanne left, promising to marry me as soon as all this mess was taken care of,” I told him, my face glowing at the prospect of marrying Brian.

 

“Wow,” Alex gasped, not expecting it.

 

“Alex, I know what you’re trying to do, but you don’t have to protect me from Brian any more. I know he hurt me in the past, but this time things are different. We’ve both seen what it’s like without one another, and neither one of us wants to go back to that life again. Brian and I are fully prepared to fight for our family and what should have been ours 3 years ago,” I told Alex, trying to ease his worry.

 

“I just don’t want to see you hurt again. I remember what happened last time, and I just want to make sure that it won’t happen again. I love Brian, but he has made some pretty stupid choices in his life,” Alex told me.

 

“Gee, thanks Bone,” Brian said, sneaking up behind Alex and hearing the tail end of our conversation. “Hey baby,” he greeted me with a kiss as he slid in beside me. It was the first time we had ever been able to show affection or any sign of our relationship in public. Now that Leighanne knew and the press would know by the end of the day, there was no point in hiding it.

 

“I’m serious, man. You’ve made some stupid decisions in your life when it comes to Mel, and I just don’t want to see her get hurt again,” Alex justified.

 

“Alex, man, I know I’ve been stupid when it comes to mine and Mel’s relationship in the past, but I won’t let that happen again. I know it’s going to be a long, hard fight, but as long as I have Mel by my side and in my life, it doesn’t matter. We’ll get through this because we are finally together,” he defended.

 

“I’m sorry, man. I just don’t want to see Mel get hurt again. You didn’t have to see what she went through the first time,” Alex explained.

 

“I understand. You’re just looking out. It’s cool. I’m glad that you care enough about her to try to prevent her from getting hurt. It means a lot to me… to both of us… to have such amazing people in our lives,” Brian said, showing his gratitude. He turned to me, giving me a loving smile when he felt me grab his hand a squeeze it in appreciation for what he said.

 

Alex smiled, knowing what Brian was really saying. “I love you, too, Bro.”

 

Since all the serious talk was done, the rest of the conversation was light-hearted and we all felt like a burden had been lifted off our shoulders. I looked at the two men with me, and shook my head in amazement that I could be so blessed in my life. To my side, I had a man who loved me completely and was willing to give up everything he had spent his life working for just to be with me and our son. He was willing to sacrifice it all just so that I would be in his life. If that wasn’t true love, I didn’t know what was. I turned my attention to the man sitting across from me. From the moment we had met, he was trying to protect me from the pain of life and trying to console me. He had been there for me when I had no one else to turn to. He knew me better than anyone, except for Brian, and that was why he is my best friend. He‘s the poster-child for what a best friend should be like. He’s always there, willing to listen. He’s never afraid to give me advice I may not necessarily want to hear but need to hear. He’s always trying to protect me and make my life easier. He’s a true friend. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was, but I wasn’t going to question it. I was simply going to enjoy it.

 

 

*later that day – on the bus*

 

“Madison, Smith and McGregor. How may I direct your call?” a high-pitched male voice answered the phone.

 

“I’d like to speak with Jackson McGregor, please?” I requested into the phone, already anticipating what she was going to say. “Tell him it’s Melanie Davis,” I added before she could cut me off.

 

“One second, please,” she told me, putting me on hold. I turned to Brian, who was sitting beside me as I talked into the phone.

 

After a few moments, another voice came on the line, this one much deeper than the previous one. “Hello? Melanie?”

 

I smiled unconsciously, not realizing how much I had missed him until I heard his voice. “Hey, Jackie! I know it’s been awhile. How have you been?” I asked, not wanting to jump into our problems right away.

 

“It has been awhile. I’ve been great, actually. I just got married this past January, and my wife, Patricia, is expecting our first child,” he told me, the smile easy to hear even through the phone. “How about you? Last I heard, you quit your job at the station and skipped town,” he questioned. It didn’t surprise me that he knew about what had happened in Atlanta. He had been a close friend of my mother’s, and when my father had abandoned us, he had taken over as my surrogate father. He was always looking out for me and trying to protect me any way he knew how.

 

“Yeah. I actually need to talk to you about that. I need a lawyer, Jackie,” I told him.

 

“Uh oh. What kind of trouble are you in?” he asked.

 

“It’s not what you’re thinking, but it doesn’t look good either. Is there any way you can meet me in L.A. tomorrow?” I asked. Brian and I had discussed it and decided we needed to talk to him in person. It was too much to go into over the phone, and we needed to know what kind of a case we had and what our options were.

 

I heard him sigh into the phone, but I also knew he wouldn’t refuse me. “I’ll see what I can work out. I’ll call you when I know exactly when I can get there,” he told me.

 

“Thanks, Jackie. I owe you one,” I told him honestly.

 

“You don’t owe me anything, Mel. I told you a long time ago that no matter what, I would be there for you. I meant it. I’ll give you call back. Can I reach you at this number?” he asked, referring to the phone number I had used to call him.

 

“Yeah. It’s my boyfriend’s phone, but I usually have it anyway,” I laughed, looking over at Brian who was nodding in agreement.

 

“Alright.” There was a moment of silence, and I was about to hang up when I heard Jackie say something else. “I missed you, Mel. You’re like a daughter to me… I was worried when I hadn’t heard from you.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch. I wasn’t myself there for awhile. I promise, though, I won’t let it happen again. I missed you too much,” I responded back.

 

“Good. I’d hate to have to worry about you again,” he laughed into the phone. “I’ll go see what I can work out. Will you be available for the next hour or so?” he asked.

 

I looked around at the moving bus, laughing at the thought of us going anywhere. “I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere anytime soon,” I smiled at Brian, who laughed in response.

 

“I’ll give you a call back soon, then. I love you, Mel, and I’m glad you called,” he said.

 

“I love you too, Jackie,” I said before hanging up.

 

Jackie called us back nearly thirty minutes later telling us he had cleared his schedule and would be flying out there at 6 the next morning Eastern Time, arriving in L.A. at 11 that morning Pacific Time. Brian and I made plans to meet him for lunch, since the Boys had some press to do before the show. Brian and I spent the rest of the bus ride with Baylee, watching TV with him and just being a family before he fell asleep for his nap. Brian and I ended up joining him, the exhaustion from the last few days getting the better of us. We still had all the stress weighing over us, but at least we could see that there might be an end in sight with Jackie coming the following day. I just hoped that he could find a way to help us because I honestly didn’t want to think about the alternate possibilities. Jackie was one of the best lawyers in the country, though, so I had faith that with his help, Brian and I would get through this on top. Or so I hoped.

“There he is,” I told Brian as we walked into the restaurant a few minutes late. Brian’s parents had flown into L.A. to pick Baylee up and bring him to Kentucky, so we had been late to one of Brian’s interviews. The interview then proceeded to run long to make up for the time we missed in the beginning, so we had to rush to get here, managing to only get there a couple minutes late. Jackie was seated in a back room, separated from the main dining hall. When Brian and I walked into the room, he looked up from his menu, standing up to greet me with a hug.

 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted, pulling me into the safety of his arms. Ever since I was little, his arms always seemed like a sort of shield around me, protecting me from all the evil and pain around me. The only other place that gave me the same feeling was being in Brian’s arms. Brian made me feel safe and protected, but he also made me feel invincible and strong.

 

“Hey, Jackie,” I greeted back, wrapping my arms around him. I pulled away after a few moments, reaching out to find Brian’s hand. “Jackie, you remember, Brian, don’t you? We went to high school together?”

 

“I remember. You were the one that always danced with Mel in the choir performances,” Jackie remembered, smiling at Brian.

 

“Yes, sir,” Brian confirmed.

 

“Oh please, call me Jackie,” he smiled warmly at Brian, shaking Brian’s hand. Once his hand was free, Brian reached out for my hand again, and I saw Jackie notice our interlocked hands, his eyes resting on the diamond on my ring finger for a second before returning to look at us. He gestured with his hand to the table, emphasizing his gesture by saying, “Shall we?”

 

Brian and I took our seats across from Jackie just as a waitress walked through the door. “Hi. My name is Janis, and I will be your waitress this afternoon. Can I get you anything to drink?” she asked, her smile obviously forced. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she recognized Brian, but it was obvious she was not a fan.

 

“She’ll have a sweet ice tea, and I’ll have a Sprite,” Brian requesting, knowing exactly what I was going to get.

 

“Do you know what you want to eat, or would you like a moment to think it over?” she asked. Brian looked at me, and I shook my head, letting him know that I wasn’t hungry. “We’ll just have two Chicken Caesar Salads, please.”

 

“Alright. Anything else for you today?” she asked.

 

“No thank you,” we said, watching her walk away.

 

I looked at Brian, smiling at how well he knew me. He returned the smile, placing his hand over mine on the table in a loving gesture. When we looked up, Jackie was watching us with a smile on his face. “You look happy, Mel. Happier than I have seen you in awhile,” he added. “Does that huge rock on your finger have something to do with it?” he asked.

 

I smiled, looking down to admire my ring for a second before returning my attention to the man across from me. “It’s not the ring that makes me happy, but the man who gave it to me,” I told Jackie, feeling Brian squeeze my hand.

 

Janis walked in, setting down our food and our drinks before scampering off again. Once she was gone and the door was closed again, Brian and I brought up the real reason we were there that day. Brian and I explained the situation to him, only pausing every once in a while to take a bite of our salads or take a quick drink.

 

By the time we were finished, Jackie had a look of concentration on his face. “That’s definitely a toughie,” he said. “But it’s not impossible. Tell me about Leighanne. Has she been a good mother to Baylee? Has she been faithful to you throughout your entire marriage? Any little thing you can tell me will help.”

 

“Umm… she’s hardly ever home. She spends all her time on sets of movies or in Hollywood looking for her next role. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t been faithful to me since the beginning, and I’m pretty sure she sleeps around to get roles in her movies, but I’m not completely sure. She treats Baylee like she resents him, only paying attention to him when the public is involved. She cares more about the fame and publicity than she does about Baylee and I,” Brian told Jackie as he hastily scribbled down notes on what Brian was saying. “She also has a violent temper. She has attacked fans or even friends of mine or of the guys for no reason.”

 

“Would you be against me using a private investigator to catch her in the act of any or all of these actions?” Jackie asked.

 

I knew Brian was a very straightforward and honest person and, having been in the spotlight himself and having had his privacy invaded, I didn’t know how he would react to Jackie’s question. I watched him closely, seeing in his eyes that he was waging a war in his mind. On one hand, he wanted to put an end to all this drama and frustration, but on the other, he wanted to respect Leighanne’s privacy. “Jackie, I don’t think we should take that approach. I know it will be very difficult to prove her guilt otherwise, but I know I don’t feel comfortable doing that, and I am pretty sure Brian doesn’t feel comfortable with that idea either,” I explained, stepping in for Brian. “I’m sure if we look into it, we can find some of the people she’s attacked and have them testify. We might even be able to contact some of the producers and directors of movies she’s been in and see if they’d be willing to testify. Plus, I’m sure some of Brian’s friends wouldn’t mind testifying about how she treated Baylee. We can find ways around it.”

 

Jackie nodded his head, clearly thinking our options through. “We can find another way, if that’s what you want. However, I don’t know what we can do about your husband’s secret. We can’t bargain with her because we have nothing to bargain with. We can’t have her sign a confidentiality clause because she won’t agree to the terms. About the only thing you can do is talk to her and try to appeal to her emotional-side,” Jackie regretfully told us. I sighed in disappoint, fearing that was going to be the answer he gave. I didn’t know what to do or how to tell John. I hated myself for putting him in this situation. He deserved better in life, and I was tearing him down as my life fell apart.

 

“We’ll figure something out,” Brian whispered in my ear as he pulled me into his arms. “It’s not your fault this is happening. It’s mine. I should have been a man three years ago and told Leighanne it was over. I should have been there for you while you were pregnant with Baylee. I should have never abandoned you. None of this would be happening if I had done what I should have.”

 

I pulled back, placing my hand on his cheek. The guilt in his voice was too much for me to bear. “Brian, it is not your fault. Leighanne isn’t playing fair. That’s not our fault. It just means we are going to have to try harder to make sure we win. She’s the one putting us in this position, but we’re all to blame in this. Feeling guilty about it or trying to figure out who started it won’t help us solve anything. We just have to put the past behind us and focus on the future. That’s the only way we can get through this,” I soothed him, trying to ease his pain. I saw him relax his stance slightly, and I watched as his eyes lost their sorrow and guilt. I knew he still felt guilty, but what I had said made sense and he knew it.

 

“You’re right. We can’t sit here and try to pass blame. We have to concentrate on how we are going to get through this situation without losing our sanity or one another,” Brian agreed, giving me a short kiss.

 

We finished lunch, working out as many of the details as we could before Brian had to head to the venue. “I’ll call you when I get some things worked out. Are you going to be on tour the whole time, or is there another number I can reach you at?” Jackie asked me.

 

“She’ll be here,” Brian answered for me, not even allowing me to think the question all the way through. I looked at Brian, shocked by his outburst, but decided to wait until we were in the car to ask him about it.

 

As we got up to leave, I gave Jackie one last hug, telling him I would talk to him later. When I stepped back, Brian shook his hand, thanking him for his help and for taking on the case. We promised to keep in close contact, before we walked out of the restaurant, going our separate ways.

 

As we drove back to the venue, I turned to Brian, asking the question that had been on my mind for the last 10 minutes. “Brian…” I began, but he cut me off before I could finish my thought.

 

“I know what you’re going to say, but I need you here with me, Mel. I don’t want to have to deal with all this while you’re across the country and I’m touring. I don’t think I could handle that,” he explained, letting his weakness show. I knew it took a lot for him to say that he needed me there, and to be honest, I really didn’t want to be anywhere else either.

 

“I don’t want to be anywhere else, either, Brian, but I have to think about John and our clients,” I sighed in frustration. I once again found myself torn between my husband and Brian, and I hated it. I didn’t want to let John down, but I also knew that Brian needed me to be there. He was having a hard time dealing with everything, and I knew he needed to know that I was there for him no matter what and that I supported him through it all.

 

“Tell John you need to be here. He’ll understand,” Brian argued, the frustration causing his face to wrinkle in stress.

 

“It’s not that easy, Brian. I have commitments. I have obligations. And despite everything, John is still my husband,” I refuted. I hated arguing with Brian, but he was being unreasonable. He was being selfish and not even trying to listen to my side or negotiate with me.

 

“What about me, Mel? What does that make me, huh? Why are you even with me, if you don’t even care enough to be with me when I need you?” he asked, the anger seeping into his voice.

 

“Brian, you are being completely unfair. You KNOW my situation. John has been there for me through a lot of tough shit. He’s been there for me when YOU weren’t. I can’t just ditch him and all our plans because you suddenly decided you want me in your life. How am I supposed to know you won’t run back to Leighanne? How do I know you won’t change your mind and leave me again, huh?” I yelled back, his arrogance starting to get the best of me.

“So, what, you don’t trust me?” he questioned.

 

“It’s not like you’ve given me any reason to,” I sneered, instantly regretting my words. I saw the hurt flash across his face and wished I could take it back, but still knowing that some part of me had to believe that if I had said it.

 

There was a long moment of silence before Brian spoke, his voice dangerously low and void of emotion. “If that’s how you feel, then why are you even here?” he asked. “Go back to your precious husband. I’m sure he needs you more than I do.”

 

We sat there in silence, neither one of us daring to make a sound. We both knew that we had overstepped our bounds, but we were both so stressed and angry that our pride got in the way. So instead, we spent the rest of the ride to the venue in silence, not looking at one another or even acknowledging each other.

 

When we reached the venue, Brian pulled the car into the underground parking garage and parked. I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I didn’t let them spill over. I refused to cry in front of him. I expected him to jump out of the car and run into the venue as soon as we were parked, but he didn’t. He turned the car off and sat there, silently staring out the front window.

 

I heard him let out a sigh of frustration and watched as he ran a hand through his sandy-blonde hair. He turned his tortured blue eyes to me, the pain too intense for me to bear. I turned my head away from his gaze when I felt the tears start to fall. When I returned my gaze to his, Brian’s face immediately softened and he looked at me with regret and fear.

 

“I’ve never hated the fact that I was a Backstreet Boy more than I do right now,” Brian whispered. “We need to talk about what happened, but I’m already late. Tonight, after the show…”

 

“I’ll be waiting…” I interrupted.

 

He nodded, looking down at his hands. “We better get in there,” he said.

 

“Yeah.”

 

We both stepped out of the car, walking into the venue. The distance between us was obvious to anyone who knew us. I walked with my head down not able to look anyone in the eye. Brian headed to the stage with one last glance at me. I headed the opposite direction to Brian’s dressing room, pulling my cell phone out of my pocket as I walked. I knew who I wanted to call… I just didn’t know if I should bother him with my problems.

 

As if on cue, my phone rang in my hand, the caller ID reading “John.” “Hello?” I answered the phone.

 

“Hey sweetheart, how did the meeting go?” John asked.

 

“It went alright…” I sighed.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I hesitated for a second, almost chickening out, but John knew what I was thinking. “Honey, you know you can tell me anything.”

 

“Brian and I had a huge fight…He wants me to stay on tour with him and I told him I already had commitments made with you in L.A. We both said things we shouldn’t have. I told him I didn’t trust him, John. And he basically said I didn’t love him and that we were making a mistake. John, I’ve never fought with him this bad before,” I cried into the phone to my husband.

 

“Don’t cry, Honey,” he soothed. He kept talking to me, trying to calm me down so that he could finish his thought. Finally, my sobs quieted down enough for him to speak. “As far as the commitments, you know you can stay as long as you want. I can handle everything here by myself. You need to be with Brian right now while all this is going on. I’ll be fine. As for the fight, you two need to talk things out. You’re letting the stress get to you and you’re taking it out on each other. You can’t do that. You have to stick together or you’ll never get through this. You’ve been through too much already to let it go now because of a stupid fight.”

 

“You didn’t hear it, John. It was awful. We were so harsh to one another. I’ve never seen him so mad, and I’ve never been so mad in my life,” I explained.

 

“The only reason you had such an awful fight is because you care about each other. You had so much emotion behind your words that it made it seem worse than it was. I think, though, that deep down you knew he would forgive you and that’s why you said some of those things. We always end up hurting the people we care about the most when we don’t mean to. We hurt them worse than anyone because we know that no matter what is said or what we do, they will understand and they won’t hold it against us. Sure, they’ll get upset, but eventually we’ll get over it.” What he said made sense to me. I had hurt Brian because I was upset and I needed to take my anger out on someone. I knew that Brian would eventually forgive me, so I took all my pent up emotion out on him.

 

“How to I make him understand, though?” I asked. “We were both so upset.”

 

“Tell him what you told me. Tell him that you didn’t mean to say those things to him. Tell him you were so stressed out that you let your fear and frustration rule your mind. Tell him you love him and that you never meant to hurt him. He loves you, Mel…  He will forgive you,” John soothed.

 

“What would I do without you, John?” I asked into the phone, my tears finally ebbing.

 

“Be a hopeless mess… but you’d be just fine,” he said confidently. “So how did the meeting with Jackie really go?”

 

“We came up with a game plan, but there’s still a problem. No matter what we do, we couldn’t find a way to convince Leighanne not to say anything about you. None of the ideas we came up with would work. I’m so torn, John. I love Brian so much, and I want nothing more than to be with him, but I can’t let you take the fall for us. You deserve better than that,” I sighed, the frustration building again.

 

“Take a deep breath,” John ordered, hearing my stressed voice. “Mel, you know you don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself. You’ve waited for years to be with the man you love. Don’t let that go because of some silly threat. When the time comes, I’ll handle it, but until then, you need to be thinking about Brian, not about me. You deserve the chance to be happy. You are an amazing woman, and this is your chance to take your life back. Don’t watch it pass you by.”

 

I swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in my throat so that I could tell John what was in my heart. “I love you, John. I am the luckiest woman alive to have you in my life,” I told him.

 

“I love you, too, sweetheart. Now go find that man and talk to him. Don’t let something like this get in the way of your love,” he preached.

 

“Thanks for calling, John,” I smiled.

 

“Any time,” he said, hanging up the phone.

 

As I sat there, I thought about what I had to do. I used the time while Brian was doing his soundcheck and getting ready for tonight’s show to plan out what I was going to say. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to say what I had to, but I also knew I had no other choice. If we were going to get past this, Brian and I had to be honest with one another, even if it meant possibly risking it all. And so I sat there, waiting for his return and hoping it wouldn’t be the last time I saw him.

 

I had been so lost in thought, that I hadn’t even realized that Brian had returned and was now sitting on the couch beside me. When I did notice him, I saw that he was in a similar state as me. His eyes clearly revealed the inner-war he was waging. I knew what I had to say to him wouldn’t help his state, but might end up making it worse.

 

“How did rehearsal go?” I asked, trying to ease into the conversation.

 

“It was okay,” he softly responded. “We need to talk, Mel.”

 

“I know.”

 

“We can’t take our frustration out on each other. We have to stick together if we’re going to get through this,” he preached, sounding remarkably like John.

 

“I know that, Brian, but I can’t just let what we said go without discussing it. We may have said it out of anger and frustration… but if we said it, there was some kind of truth behind it. We must have believed it to some extent if we thought it,” I argued.

 

He sighed loudly, running his hand through his hair like he always did when he was frustrated. “Damnit, Mel. I’m trying to put all this behind us so we can concentrate on everything else,” he ranted.

 

“But we’ll never truly get through it unless we discuss it. If we keep everything bottled up inside, we’re going to destroy any chance we have of being together. Don’t you get that?” I asked, getting aggravated with his logic.

 

“I’m scared, Mel. I don’t want to lose you because of a stupid fight,” he admitted, finally revealing his true source of fear and pain.

 

“Then we have to actually talk about it and not just ignore it,” I softly instructed. I saw his shoulders slump in resignation, letting me know he wasn’t going to fight me on this matter anymore.

 

There was a quiet knock on the door before a stagehand stuck his head in. “Brian, we need you for the meet and greet,” he said, leaving as quickly as he had entered.

 

“I have to go. Tonight, on the bus, we’ll talk,” he said, rushing off to meet the lucky fans who got to come backstage before they show. I opted to stay in the back room during the concert, trying to gather my thoughts. I had the TV turned down low, and I wasn’t even paying attention until I heard Brian’s name mentioned. I immediately grabbed the remote, turning up the volume on the program.

 

“It seems that there is trouble in paradise for Backstreet Boy Brian Littrell. Brian Littrell and wife, Leighanne Littrell, were married on September 2, 2000, in an intimate wedding ceremony in Atlanta, Georgia. Two years later, she gave birth to a son, Baylee Thomas Wylee Littrell. From day one, Brian and Leighanne appeared to have the perfect marriage. But appearances can be deceiving. Leighanne stopped by the studios today to talk about her upcoming blockbuster release, No Way Out, and ended up giving us the scoop on her matrimonial discordance.

 

“Brian and I have been dealing with some unresolved issues lately… or rather, they started shortly after the beginning of our life together,” she said, pretending to look down in shame.

 

“What kind of problems?” the interviewer, Kat Daniels, asked.

 

“Fidelity issues, mainly,” she blushed, seemingly ashamed to be giving away such personal and private information.

 

“On your part or his?” Kat pushed.

 

“Both,” she admitted.

 

I was shocked that she had admitted to it on her part, but then I realized that she was trying to appear the victim, while not leaving anything for us to retaliate with. She was spinning the story her way, and she had the advantage since she was the first one to come forward with it.

 

“Both?” Kat asked, leading Leighanne to elaborate.

 

“I met someone a few years ago that I just connected with. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself. It was short-lived though, and I told Brian about it and we moved on. I’ve always been a little hurt, though, that Brian has always carried this love for someone else during our entire relationship. And during Brian’s hiatus in 2002, even though we were married, Brian and his former flame from high school, Melanie Davis, reconnected. We’ve both made some mistakes, but with the sudden re-emergence of Melanie in his life, I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I left the tour. I don’t know how things will work out, but I can’t handle knowing I’m his second choice anymore. Things just aren’t going well right now,” she confessed, pretending she was so upset by the events and that she was innocent in everything. “Most of all, though, I’m worried about the effect all this will have on our son, Baylee. I don’t want him to get caught up in the middle of this, and I know Brian will try to keep Baylee with him. I’m worried this will be too much for Baylee to handle.”

 

“So there you have it. Leighanne Littrell and Brian Littrell are in for a bumpy ride over the next few months. Stay tuned to E! for all the latest news involved in this story. Reporting for E! News, I’m Kat Daniels.”

 

I turned off the TV, unable to believe that she had told the world about Brian and me. It was only a matter of time before people discovered that I was the one Leighanne was talking about and then all hell would break loose. And now that she had told the world about her and Brian’s problems, I was scared that her next move would be telling John’s secret. Plus, I couldn’t believe she dragged Baylee’s into this. She didn’t care about him… she just cared that he could make people feel sorry for her and possibly gain her some extra support.

 

Just when I thought matters couldn’t get worse, she had to pull this. By the time the show was over and I was being rushed to the bus, I was fuming with anger for this woman. Who the hell did she think she was to be telling the whole world our business? How dare she involve MY son in her scandal. I couldn’t even begin to believe her nerve.

 

I started breathing heavily, unsuccessfully trying to calm myself down. That was how Brian found me 20 minutes later when the Boys boarded the busses and we started our journey to Arizona.

 

“Mel… is everything alright?” he asked.

 

“THAT SNEAKY BITCH!” I screamed, letting loose of all the anger I had been holding in. “Who the HELL does she think she is? She thinks she owns the world and that everything has to revolve around her. How DARE she involve OUR son in her life. She had NO right to do that. And how DARE she try to blame everything on us,” I kept ranting, unable to stop now that I had started.

 

“Mel, what are you talking about?” Brian asked.

 

“Leighanne did an interview today discussing your marriage and your ‘fidelity issues’,” I explained, still seething.

 

“She did? When? What did she say?” he asked.

 

“Here,” I said, pulling up E!’s website and opening the story for him to see.

 

I watched as his anger grew with every second. Leighanne had gone too far. “That BITCH!” he yelled. I had never heard Brian so angry before, and honestly, it scared me. I had never heard him curse like that, and I didn’t know how to react.

 

“I’m sorry you got dragged into all this, Mel,” he apologized, his hand running through his hair.

 

“It’s not your fault Brian. We were both the blame. We should have come clean about it in your interviews this morning,” I sighed.

 

It was like the mention of this morning brought back the memories of the fight we’d had that afternoon. “Mel…” he began.

 

“Brian…” I said at the same time.

 

“You go first,” he offered, smiling lightly at me.

 

“Brian, I’m sorry about what I said this afternoon about not trusting you. I do trust you. It’s just that no matter what, I have this underlying fear that one day you are going to decide that I’m not worth the trouble and leave me stranded again. I’m so afraid of losing you that it’s disrupting my ability to let my walls down completely around you. I’ve been hurt by you twice before, and I just can’t seem to allow myself to take the chance of losing you again right now until all this stuff with Leighanne is done and out of the picture,” I explained. I loved Brian dearly, but there was a part of me that warned me to be careful. The fear and the hurt were still too raw for me to get over them yet.

 

“I understand, Mel. You have every right to feel that way. I have made more than my fair share of mistakes when it comes to us. It just felt like a slap in the face to hear it out loud. I’m sorry, too, Mel. I know that we belong together, and I said what I said because I was hurt and I wanted to hurt you back. I was wrong, though. And I know that you have a life. I shouldn’t have just assumed anything or pressured you into staying. I know you love me and that you’re with me everywhere I go. I understand that you need to get back to John,” he countered.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Brian. I know where I need to be, at least until all this is over… and that’s by your side,” I smiled.

 

He returned the smile, hesitantly grabbing my hand. “So is everything good between us now?” he asked.

 

“Yeah… it’s good,” I nodded. He took that opportunity to lean in and give me a short, but effective kiss.

 

“I love you, Mel. Nothing will change that,” he told me.

 

“I know. I love you, too,” I responded, looking into his eyes. I maneuvered myself on the “couch” we were sharing so that he could wrap his arms around me and I could lay down in his arms.

 

The feel of his warm arms around me, the exhaustion from the day’s activities wearing down on me, and the steady lull of the busses engine were enough to put me to sleep almost instantly. The last thing I heard before drifting into oblivion was the sound of Brian’s honey-sweet voice telling me “Goodnight,” and that he would do whatever it took to prove to me that he was not going anywhere.

 

*the next day – Arizona*

 

News had spread quickly about Leighanne’s confession the day before, and by the time we reached Arizona, everyone was talking about it. It was so bad that Brian’s management came to me, requesting that I do a few interviews with Brian to try and do damage control. Knowing there was no way around it, I agreed.

 

It was just before our first interview that another hot story broke that concerned our situation. Brian and I were in the green room, watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air when a news announcement broke through.

 

“This is Kat Daniels, coming to you live from a press conference called by one half of the Christian songwriting and production team of All In Faith. John Williams and wife, Melanie Davis, started the team just months after their marriage in Nashville, Tennessee 2 years ago. Melanie Davis has been in other news recently when Leighanne Littrell confessed that her husband, Backstreet Boy’s Brian Littrell, was still involved with his high-school sweetheart, Melanie. It appears John Williams has just walked out onto the stage,” she introduced the story.

 

“Thank you, ladies and gentleman of press, for coming out here today. I have an important announcement to make in light of yesterday’s discoveries involving my wife and Brian Littrell,” John told the audience. “I will take some questions from the audience before making my announcement.”

 

“Is it true that your wife is involved with Brian Littrell?” one reporter yelled out.

 

“Yes, the rumors are true. Melanie and Brian share a rare kind of love that only happens once every few hundred years. Their love is the kind of love we read about to this day. Romeo and Juliet. Antony and Cleopatra. Buffy and Angel,” he said, chuckling at the last one. “They have spent their whole lives fighting to get to the point they are at now, and it’s a shame that someone like Leighanne Wallace can just come in and try to take that away from them. They are both two of the most amazing people I have ever met, and they deserve the happiness and love they’ve found in one another more than any two people I have met in my entire life.”

 

“Are you telling us you’re not even the least bit upset that your wife is cheating on you?” another reporter asked.

 

“That is exactly what I am saying. My wife and I have a very unique relationship. First and foremost, she is my best friend, and I want nothing more than to see her happy. If Brian makes her happy, than who am I to get upset?” he defended.

 

“What are your future plans now that the truth is out? Is a divorce in the future?” someone else shouted.

 

“Hopefully there will be a divorce in the near future. I don’t want to keep Mel tied down in a relationship with me when she has him. They deserve the chance to get married and have their own life, just like everyone else,” John continued to knock down the questions one by one.

 

“How long has their relationship been going on?” another reporter ventured to ask.

 

“That is a question you are going to have to ask them. It’s not my place to give out that information,” he said, refusing to answer the question.

 

“What do you think about how this situation will effect Brian and Leighanne’s son?” another reported called.

 

“I don’t really know how to answer that question, having only met Baylee once. I do know, though, that Brian will make sure Baylee is taken care of and understands what is going on in the situation. He is an amazing father, and his son is one of the most important things in his life alongside his relationship with Mel and the Backstreet Boys. I have no doubt that Baylee will be just fine,” John supported. “I don’t have much time left, so I’d like to go ahead and make my announcement. It’s something I probably should have done a long time ago, but fear is a funny thing. I’ve been hiding my true self from the world for far too long. I’ve done everything in my power to try to ensure that it doesn’t get out, but I now find myself in a situation where I need to come clean. It’s time the world knew that a lot of the things you think you know about my life are lies. My marriage is not what it seems. Even I am not what I seem. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m gay.”

 

At his confession, the entire room gasped in shock and astonishment. Questions were flying around the room, ending up a jumbled mess as John stood in the center of it all.

 

I turned to look at Brian, both of us thinking the same thing: he did this for us. John had just made the ultimate sacrifice so that Brian and I could be together. I had never been prouder to have John as a part of my life. And as I watched John answer more questions and talk to the press like a pro, I saw a weight lifted from him as he finally shared the secret he had spent his life protecting. It was like he was suddenly able to be himself. He had no more chains holding him down and trying to pull him under. He was free.

 

“He’s an amazing man,” Brian said.

 

“Yes he is,” I agreed, resting my head on Brian’s shoulder as we continued to watch the conference until the very last question had been answered.

 

It was right at that time that there was a knock on the door signaling we were needed on set. With one last look at the TV, we turned it off and walked confidently out the doors. There was nothing holding us back anymore. With John’s confession, he had not only freed himself, but he had also freed Brian and I. With huge smiles, we faced the world together for the first time, a new hope shining in our hearts.

 

“That’s ridiculous, Your Honor,” Jackie objected. It had been three months since our original meeting with Jackie, and since then, we had met often, discussing the situation until we all knew everything about the case by heart. A month after John’s conference, Brian and I sent Leighanne a court summons, suing her for custody of Baylee. Leighanne filed a counter-suit against us, and six weeks later, we began battling it out. The whole situation had been hard on both Brian and I, and it was beginning to show. Still, we stuck it out because we knew that we had to for Baylee’s sake. It was especially hard on Brian, though, because as soon as the tour ended, we were in court. He didn’t even get a break in between to recharge.

 

“Mr. McGregor, you will contain yourself,” the judge ordered at Jackie’s objection.

 

The case was not going well. We had been unable to find anyone who would be willing to testify about her infidelity. We had a couple of people who agreed to discuss Leighanne’s temper, but her lawyer had somehow managed to discredit them. And the people we had gotten to talk about Leighanne’s behavior with Baylee had been coutner-acted by Leighanne’s witnesses who said she was a fantastic mother. We were getting nowhere, and the cases seemed to drag on with no end in sight.

 

“Your Honor, my clients haven’t seen their families in over four months. Mr. Littrell hasn’t seen his son in months, either. They came straight off tour into court, without complaint, despite the fact that we had a very limited amount of time to get our case together. They have been here on time, every day, to appear before this court. The opposing counsel had adequate time to prepare; we did not because my client was out making a living and trying to support his family. All I am asking for is a one-week recess for us to get our case more completely together and to allow my clients a chance to recharge before returning to court,” Jackie argued for us.

 

I watched as the judge considered the proposal. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Brian silently praying. I knew he missed his family and Baylee. I also miss Baylee and John. The case had begun wearing us down, and we could barely make it through the day any more. We were exhausted, stressed and alone. “You argue a good case, Mr. McGregor. This court will recess until after the Thanksgiving holiday. I want you all back in this courtroom on November 28,” the judge announced, causing both Brian and I to cheer and hug Jackie. Then Brian turned to me, pulling me into his arms, brushing the hair out of my face, and pulling me into a sweet kiss. When we pulled away, I stayed in his arms with my head on his chest, while he hugged me close to his body. We stayed that way for several minutes, just enjoying our quiet moment together, ignoring everyone else around us.

 

I looked to my side where Jackie was watching us with a proud smile on his face. “Jackie, I think we have to use what we didn’t want to use,” I sighed. “We have to tell the court the truth about Baylee.”

 

“We’ll talk about it later. Right now, go home and be with your family for awhile. Meet me back here in Atlanta on November 25, the day after Thanksgiving,” he responded.

 

“We’ll see you then,” Brian responded for us.

 

We started walking out the door, hand-in-hand when I suddenly stopped Brian and turned back to Jackie. “Hey Jackie,” I called. When he looked up, I smiled an appreciative smile at him. “Thanks.”

 

“Anything for you, Mel. Anything for you,” he yelled back before he returned his attention to packing up his suitcase.

 

That night, Brian and I found ourselves on a flight to Kentucky, not wanting to be away from our son for another second.

 

I sat at the window, looking down at the clouds whizzing by us. To tell the truth, I was terrified of going back to Kentucky. I hadn’t been back since I had moved away for college. My mother and I had lost touch over the years after I left, and when I found out she had died five years ago, I still had refused to return to my home state. Kentucky held too many memories and too much pain. Besides, I wasn’t really that close with my mom, even after my father had left us. I just didn’t feel the need to come back.

 

But with Brian, it seemed that I was always doing things I never thought I would do again. I was living again. I was loving again. And most of all, I was smiling again. Brian gave me a strength I never knew I had. He gave me courage and hope, and it was only with him by my side that I was able to do a lot of the things in my life.

 

Brian’s hand brushing my cheek brought me back from my thoughts. “Are you okay?” he asked.

 

“I’m scared,” I admitted, turning my head from his gaze to look back out the window. “I haven’t been back to Kentucky since I left for college. It has so many memories that I wish I could forget… and some that used to bring me so much pain to think about.”

 

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m going to be with you the whole time. Besides, my parents are excited to see you again,” he tried to calm me. I smiled at the thought of his parents. I remembered the first day I had met them.

 

*flashback*

 

I was sitting outside, on the curb, waiting for my best friend, Valerie, to come and pick me up. She was a year ahead of me and had gotten a brand new car when she had passed her driver’s test. That day, I had a choir rehearsal after school until 6 that night, and I had asked her to pick me up afterwards because my mom was out of town. It was already 6:30 and she was nowhere in sight.

 

I sighed, getting up and preparing myself to walk home. Before I could get very far, though, I heard a voice call out to me. “Hey Mel, do you need a ride?” It was my other best friend, Brian, in his jeep.

 

“I’ll be alright. I’m just going to walk home,” I refused, not wanting to inconvenience him.

 

“I am not letting you walk home. Look, it’s about to rain… come on Mel,” he begged me.

 

“I’m alright, Brian, but I appreciate your offer,” I declined again.

 

Before I knew it, Brian had turned off his car and was walking beside me. “If you’re going to insist on walking, then I am going to walk with you,” he smiled his famous cheeky smile.

 

“Brian, that’s ridiculous. You have a jeep. You don’t need to walk home. Besides, how will you get to school tomorrow if you leave your jeep here?” I asked.

 

“I’ll have my brother, Harry, drop me off tonight to get it,” he smiled, not allowing me to change his mind.

 

I let out a heavy sigh, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. “Fine, I’ll let you drive me home,” I told him, giving in.

 

“GREAT!” he smiled as we walked back to his car. Brian opened the door for me, letting me get in, before heading around to the driver’s side.

 

“So why were you still waiting? Did your mom forget to pick you up?” Brian asked.

 

“No, my mom is out of town. Valerie was supposed to come get me, but I guess she forgot or something came up,” I explained. I watched Brian’s face contort at the mention of my best friend. “I know you don’t like her, but she’s my best friend.”

 

“I’m sure she’s nice and everything, but she only comes to you when she needs something or it’s convenient for her,” Brian explained. “You’re an amazing friend, Mel, and you deserve a lot better than that.”

 

“Val and I have a history together. She knows all my secrets and all about my past. She’s the only who knows everything about my life. And we always have fun when we hang out,” I defended.

 

“Still, I think you deserve to be treated better than that,” he argued. “Wait, you said your mom’s out of town?”

 

“Yeah, she’s gone for the whole week,” I confirmed. “She had some kind of job thing to do.”

 

“Why don’t you come over to my house for dinner, then? That way you won’t have to be alone as much,” Brian offered.

 

“It’s a sweet offer, Brian, but I really don’t want to intrude on your family,” I declined.

 

“Melanie… you are not going to make me kidnap you, are you?” he smirked.

 

“You wouldn’t!” I exclaimed.

 

“I am not letting you go home to an empty house when you could have dinner with me and my family,” he argued. “Now, you’re eating dinner at my house, and that’s final!”

 

The truth was, I was not looking forward to going to my empty house. I hated being alone because it gave me too much time to think. I liked the privacy, but I hated the feeling of complete and total loneliness. When we pulled up to Brian’s house, I suddenly got nervous. I was scared that his parents wouldn’t like me.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, when I didn’t get out of the car for several minutes.

 

“What if your parents don’t like me? What if they think I’m rude coming over at the last minute?” I worried.

 

“My parents will LOVE you. And they are always asking me to bring my friends over for dinner, so they will love the fact that I listened to them for once,” he soothed. “I promise, everything will be alright. And if it makes you feel better, you can sit next to me.” His cheeky grin was back, making me smile instantly.

 

“Alright, let’s go in,” I said.

 

As soon as we entered the house, it was like being in a completely different world. The whole house smelled like cinnamon and apple pies, and it made you feel instantly comfortable. Brian and I took off our shoes before walking to the living room, where we heard the TV on.

 

When we entered the room, I saw both Brian’s parents and Brian’s brother sitting there, waiting for Brian to get home. “Oh, Brian, you’re home!” his mom exclaimed, greeting him.

 

“Sorry it took so long. I had to talk to Mr. Turner about something. Mom, I want you to meet one of my best friends and my dance and singing partner in choir, Melanie Davis. Mel, this is my mom, Jackie Littrell,” Brian introduced.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Littrell,” I greeted, holding out my hand for her to shake.

 

“Oh honey, it’s Jackie. Please. It’s great to finally meet you. Brian has told me so much about you, I feel like I already know you,” she smiled, pulling me in for a hug.

 

When she released me, I saw Brian’s father and brother standing behind her. “Dad, Harry, this is Melanie Davis. Mel, that’s my dad, Harold Littrell, and my brother, Harry.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” I greeted.

 

“Mom, is it alright if Mel stays for dinner? Her mom is out of town, and I didn’t want her to have to eat alone,” Brian explained.

 

“Of course! We’d love to have you, Mel!” Jackie enthusiastically agreed. “Come on, take a seat. Brian, get her a plate, glass and silverware.”

 

I took my seat, scooting over so Harold could put another chair beside me for Brian. I looked around at his family, glad I had agreed to come. It was no wonder Brian was the way he was. His family was so good-hearted and grounded, it only made since that Brian would be the same way. All through dinner that night, I felt like I was watching myself at dinner with this amazing family. I laughed and joked around with them, feeling comfortable and welcome. I wondered why I had been so nervous before.

 

That whole week while my mother was gone, I would ride home with Brian and spend the time after rehearsal with his family until 9 every night. Then Brian would drive me home. It had been a long time since I had felt like I belonged somewhere, but Brian’s family had always made me feel welcome. I knew that no matter what happened in the future, I always had a place to go and a family to turn to.

 

*end flashback*

 

“I’ve missed them a lot,” I smiled, the far-away look in my eyes fading.

 

“They loved you the first time I brought you home. I remember my brother and my dad harassing me about asking you out and having a crush on you. Harry said that whenever I was around you, I would try my hardest to make you laugh, which is usually what I did when I liked a girl. My dad used to joke with me that any time I walked through the front door for dinner without you, I was going to have to starve,” he laughed. “They all thought you were the sweetest girl I’d ever brought home, and my mom even told me that she thought we’d be perfect together if we ever did start dating. She told me she’d love to have you as a part of the family someday.” I laughed at the thought of Jackie telling 17-year-old Brian that. And I could just see Harry and Harold harassing Brian about bringing a girl home. They were all such a close-knit family, but they liked to pick on each other a lot. As I sat there reminiscing, I realized that as far as Brian’s family went, I had nothing to worry about. As for the rest of the memories and reminders, I would be fine as long as I had Brian by my side.

 

“MOM! DAD! We’re here,” Brian called as we walked out of the snow and into his parent’s house.

 

“Brian, is that you?” I heard Jackie call from the kitchen.

 

“Yeah, mom, it’s me,” he called back as Jackie came around the corner, a huge smile on her face.

 

“DADDY!” we heard Baylee squeal as he came from the living room. He was running as fast as his nearly 3-year-old legs could carry him. Brian knelt down so that he was at Baylee’s level, and he pulled his son into his arms, giving him a big hug.

 

“Hey buddy! I missed you,” he said, sharing a private moment with our son despite the people standing all around us.      

 

“I missed you too, daddy. And Mel, too,” he smiled a big, toothy grin similar to his father’s.

 

I knelt down to their level, too, so Baylee could give me a hug. “I missed you, too, buddy,” I smiled, hugging him close to me, glad to have him back in my arms.

 

When I pulled away and stood up, Jackie immediately traded places with Baylee, hugging me tightly and securely in her arms, even bypassing her own son so she could hug me first. “I’m so glad you’re here, Mel. I used to ask Brian what happened to you all the time, and when he told me that you hosted the morning show in Atlanta, let me tell you, I made sure I was up every morning to listen to you on the Internet.”

 

I smiled sweetly at the woman in front of me, amazed that she cared enough to get up early every morning just to listen to me. “I missed you, too, Jackie. I was so nervous on the plane, but then I remember the first time I had met you and how sweet you were, and I felt like I was coming home.”

 

“You are always welcome here, dear,” she returned my smile.

 

She then turned to her son, grabbing him in a hug while Harold hugged me. “Hey Harold. I hope this little one hasn’t been giving you too much trouble,” I smiled, referring to Baylee.

 

“Oh, he’s definitely a handful. He’s just like Brian used to be: extremely hyper and ultra curious,” he laughed.

 

“Ummm… Harold, I hate to break it to you, but Brian is STILL extremely hyper and ultra curious,” I laughed along with Brian’s dad.

 

“Hey, no talking about me, unless it’s something good,” Brian interrupted.

 

“Well, I guess we won’t ever be talking about you, then,” Harold laughed, causing me to crack up as well.

 

“Harold, Melanie, behave,” Jackie interjected at Brian’s hurt face before breaking into laughter herself.

 

“I can see I am not appreciated here, so I will just take my son into the living room and spend some time with him,” Brian pouted. Baylee had other plans, though, as he latched on to my leg, begging me to pick him up.

 

I reached down and lifted him into my arms, and when I did, my ring caught the light, catching both Harold and Jackie’s eyes. “That’s a beautiful ring, Mel. Is that the engagement ring your husband gave you?” Jackie asked.

 

I shared a look with Brian, who nodded ever-so-slightly letting me know it was okay to tell them. “Actually, Jackie, this ring was from Brian,” I admitted, adjusting Baylee in my arms so that we were both more comfortable.

 

Jackie’s eyes turned to her son, silently asking the question on her mind. “Mel and I are going to get married after the trial with Leighanne is over,” Brian explained. While he was talking, I felt Baylee’s head start to droop onto my shoulder as he fell asleep.

 

“I’m going to go take Baylee upstairs for his nap,” I quietly informed the others, turning to go upstairs with Baylee still in my arms.

 

“I’ll go with you, and when we get back, we’ll explain everything to you, mom… and dad,” Brian promised. At their nod, he followed me up the stairs to Baylee’s room.

 

We tucked him into bed, watching him for a couple minutes while he slept. He was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. He was so full of life and energy, and he always made the people around him smile. He was a lot like Brian in that way. No matter what Brian was doing, he could always make the fans around him feel comfortable and smile. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at our boy sleeping soundly. I was afraid of losing him… or losing moments like this. The cases hadn’t been going in our favor at all. Brian and I were running ourselves ragged because we were both too scared to sleep. The nightmares that we were both having were too much for us to take, so instead, we slept only as much as necessary for survival.

 

“Are you ready?” Brian sighed. I just nodded, too chocked up to respond. “Here we go, then.”

 

We walked down the stairs, hand-in- hand to find Jackie and Harold waiting for us at the dining room table. Brian held out my chair for me before taking his own beside me.

 

“I know what you’re both thinking…” Brian began, but Jackie cut him off.

 

“Brian, what are you doing? You know how this family feels about marriage and faithfulness,” she lectured.

 

“Mom, it’s not as easy as you make it out to be. A lot has happened over the last four years that I tried to hide from you,” Brian admitted.

 

“Like what?” she asked, her face showing her worry.

 

“Like the fact that Leighanne has been cheating on me since before we even got married,” he whispered, ashamed.

 

“She what?!” Harold loudly bellowed. It was obvious that he was upset.

 

“I didn’t find out until a couple years ago, and even then, I wasn’t sure. But this whole mess with her in court helped me see that it was true. We talked to a couple of producers and directors she’s worked with, and they all admitted to sleeping with her during our marriage and before our marriage, but they refused to testify on the stand,” he told them the whole story.

 

“I can’t believe she would do something like that,” Jackie seemed amazed. I scoffed before I could even think to stop myself. At both Jackie and Harold’s looks, I looked down, ashamed I had let that slip so easily.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I just get so frustrated with the fact that she can fool everyone with her innocent act and be so cruel and unforgiving to me without regard for my feelings or my rights,” I explained.

 

Luckily, Brian spoke up, explaining to them what I was talking about. “Leighanne has done some of the most awful things to Melanie that I have ever seen… and, regretfully, I helped her with some of them,” he said, looking down in shame for a second before continuing. “Mel and I met up again during the group’s hiatus. We ended up sleeping together after we realized that we still loved each other, even after all these years. I broke all things off with her, though, when Leighanne found out. A few months later, Mel found out she was pregnant with Baylee,” Brian paused at his parents’ gasps of shock. When they had recovered, he continued. “Leighanne came up with the idea to pretend she was pregnant and for Mel to sign over all her parental rights to Leighanne… and Mel only agreed to it because I asked her to.” I could tell it was difficult for him to admit all the mistakes he had made to his parents. He had always lived to make them proud of him. He lived for their love and support, and I knew he was afraid that after admitting the truth, he would lose that.

 

“I was already distraught after Brian walked away from our love for the second time, so I wasn’t thinking clearly. And when Brian asked me to follow Leighanne’s plan, my heart shattered, and I never thought it would heal again. So, several months later, Baylee was born and I ran away. I eventually ran to my best friend, John, and married him, agreeing to be his cover for his secret life. See, John’s actually gay, but he was trying to break into the Christian music industry. Anyway, Brian hired John and I to help him with his project without knowing who I was. When we met up again, we both realized what we had given up by giving up on each other. Brian was a mess. He looked as tortured as I felt. And I wasn’t much better off, spending all my days alone in my house, torturing myself by watching Brian and Baylee on TV. Brian and I were lucky enough to get one more chance to be together, and we know that it may seem wrong to others what we’re doing, but I just can’t see how wanting to be with the one person in life who makes you complete can be wrong. I love him, and I know that he feels the same about me. My life means nothing without Brian and Baylee in it, and if that means sacrificing everything I have ever known, then so be it. I’m not going to give them up again without a fight. I know what’s it’s like without them now, and I won’t let that happen again. And I won’t let Baylee go through life thinking his mother is Leighanne and that she doesn’t really love him. He’s an amazing kid and he deserves better than that… and so does your son,” I finished for Brian, not really having anything more to say.

 

“Mom, Dad, I know it may seem like I’ve made a mess of my life… and for awhile I did, but I am trying to make things right. Mel is the best thing to ever happen to me. She makes me feel like I can do anything. She gives me strength and a reason to smile every day. I know I’ve made some mistakes in my life, but the only things I’ve ever done right involve Mel,” Brian also added before turning silent.

 

I watched Jackie and Harold as they processed everything we had told them. I was nervous about their reaction, but I knew that they had a right to know. They had always been supportive of Brian and his choices before, so I just hoped they would follow that pattern today.

 

I heard Jackie release a sigh before finally addressing us. “I can’t say I like the situation, Brian. I don’t think I have ever been more… questioning… of your choices in my entire life. I’m not going to say that I’m okay with it, because I’m not, but you are my son, and I support you no matter what,” Jackie lectured. I could tell Brian was disappointed by her response, but I could also see a sense of determination in his eyes, telling me nothing would make him back down from his decision.

 

“I’m not happy with the way you handled this, Son, but I’m with your mother on this. You are my son, and I will support you no matter what,” Harold added.

 

“That’s all I ask. I never expected you to understand, I just wanted your support,” he replied back. And with that said, Brian and I retreated upstairs to follow in our son’s steps and take a long, well-deserved nap.

Brian and I took advantage of our week off. We spent most of our time at home with his family, just spending some quality time together. Some of my favorite moments were spent lying in the hammock with Brian next to me and Baylee asleep in our arms. It was the perfect way to spend Thanksgiving and remind us what we were fighting so hard to save. And during our week-long break, we received news that both Brian and my divorces had been processed and were finalized. John showed up at Brian’s family’s door with the final papers, knowing that we would want to know immediately.

 

Plus, as the week progressed, Jackie and Harold began to understand why Brian and I were in the situation we were in. Jackie sat me down one evening and told me that she had never seen her son so carefree and happy.

 

“It’s been a long time since Brian could be himself around someone. He’s always so worried that he’ll make a mistake or let his image slip. It has never been that way around you. It’s like all his worries fade away and all he cares about is being with you and your son. You’re good for him. You always have been,” Jackie told me.

 

She also told me that anyone who would try to interfere with our love was a fool. By the time Brian and I were getting ready to leave, Jackie was just as excited for Brian and me to be married as we were. I could tell that Brian felt a lot better now that his parents knew the truth and supported him completely.

 

As soon as we landed, it was off to discuss the case with Jackie. When we got there, though, we got one of the biggest surprises of our lives. For the first time since the beginning of the court proceedings, things were starting to tip in our favor.

 

*November 28*

 

“Your Honor, we would like to call Dr. Jorge Alveraz to the stand,” Jackie called, referring to the doctor who had delivered Baylee. We watched Dr. Alveraz make his way to the stand and get sworn in before turning to see Leighanne’s reaction. We watched as Leighanne’s face blanched, all the color siphoning from her skin, leaving her pale and afraid for the first time. She began frantically whispering to her lawyer, trying to find out how this had happened without either one of them knowing.

 

“Dr. Alveraz, please tell the court what kind of doctor you are,” Jackie requested.

 

“I am an OB/GYN,” he answered.

 

“And what is your specialty?” Jackie continued.

 

“I deal mostly with expecting mothers,” he responded.

 

“Now, Dr. Alveraz, have you ever seen my client, Brian Littrell, before?” Jackie asked, pointing Brian out.

 

“Yes,” he replied, glancing at Brian.

 

“How do you know him?” Jackie pushed.

 

“He came in with his pregnant girlfriend several years ago.”

 

“Is that woman here today?” Jackie asked. Dr. Alveraz nodded. “Can you please show the court the woman you are referring to?” Jackie requested.

 

All eyes shifted as Dr. Alveraz pointed to where I was sitting next to Brian. We heard several gasps in the courtroom, followed by a quiet murmur as people started whispering to one another.

 

“ORDER!” the judge yelled, trying to regain control on his courtroom.

 

After the room had quieted, the judge motioned for Jackie to continue. “Have you ever seen the woman sitting over there?” Jackie questioned, gesturing toward Leighanne.

 

“Yes. She accompanied Mr. Littrell and Ms. Davis during their appointments, but never actually came into the examination room with them,” he explained. “I was later told that she was Mr. Littrell’s wife.”

 

“Your Honor, I would like to present hospital records and a signed avadavat from Mr. Littrell, Ms. Wallace, Dr. Alveraz, and Ms. Davis, stating that unless given explicit permission by my client, Mr. Littrell, Dr. Alveraz or anyone on hospital staff was not allowed to discuss this particular matter to anyone, no exceptions,” Jackie said, pulling the file from his briefcase.

 

“OBJECTION! Your Honor, we were not made aware of this new information prior to now,” Leighanne’s lawyer screamed, outraged.

 

“Your Honor, I have here a signed evidentiary submission form, signed by a member of the opposing counsel’s team,” Jackie presented.

 

After reviewing the sheet, the judge turned to Leighanne’s lawyer, laying down his decision. “Overruled.”

 

Brian and I silently cheered, knowing that the tables had just turned in our favor. Whereas before, Brian and I had been discouraged and weighed down, we suddenly felt hopeful for the first time. Over the next couple of weeks, things continued to go our way. We were able to track down a witness to discuss my hesitancy to sign over my rights to Leighanne, and we had my psychiatrist confirm my distorted mental state due to severe depression. We were also, finally, able to find one of Leighanne’s ex-lovers who was willing to testify to his relationship with Leighanne during her and Brian’s marriage. On December 19, both parties finally rested the case, leaving it in the hands of the judge.

 

Brian and I were waiting nervously in one of the conference rooms while the judge reviewed the case. We had started out at the conference table with Jackie, but when we realized the process was going to take awhile, we found ourselves moving to the couch in the corner to attempt to find some comfort.

 

“Brian, what are we going to do if we lose?” I asked, my fear finally overpowering my need for quiet.

 

“We won’t lose,” he told me, confidently.

 

“How can you be so sure?” I asked, completely bewildered by his seemingly carefree attitude.

 

He looked down, a half-smile crossing his face. “I just feel it deep down. I should be worried sick, scared about our son’s fate, but every time I feel that worry start to surface, I feel an even stronger sense of calm wash over me. The Lord is trying to tell me that everything is going to be okay,” he tried reassuring me. Despite his attempts, though, I couldn’t help but feel nervous. “Come here,” Brian requested. I looked at him wearily, wondering what he was thinking. “Come here,” he requested again, the smile on his face growing at my reluctance. I maneuvered myself so that I was leaning back against him on the couch, his arms wrapped around my waist, as if to protect me from the rest of the world. “No one is going to take our son away from us. It’s easy to see how much we love him. No one is going to take him away from a loving environment, especially when it consists of both his biological parents. We just have to have faith that the Lord is watching over us and that He knows what He’s doing. Now, don’t think about it anymore. Just concentrate on my voice. Close your eyes and concentrate on the feel of my arms around you. Concentrate on my breathing.” The more Brian spoke, the calmer I found myself becoming. He had always had that kind of power over me, calming me with just a few soothing touches and words. And once he started singing, I was a goner. Before I even knew it, I was fast asleep in his arms, my worries left behind for my return to the waking world.

 

“Hey guys, wake up. The judge has reached his verdict,” Jackie whispered, shaking Brian and I awake.

 

We both rubbed our sleep-filled eyes and walked with Jackie to hear the fate of our son. We waited with baited breath as the judge entered the room and commanded us all to be seated. I reached out blindly, searching for Brian’s hand. He squeezed it in a comforting manner as we both listened to the judge’s decision.

 

“After carefully reviewing the evidence, it is the will of this court that full custody of Baylee Thomas Wylee Littrell be granted to Leighanne Wallace,” the judge announced, leaving the entire courtroom in a state of shock. I gazed over at Brian, whose face had fallen as soon as the judge’s decision had been announced. His entire face showed his confusion, and I couldn’t stop the tears that found their way down my cheeks.

 

How did we lose? How could the judge rule in favor of Leighanne after everything we showed him? How could this be happening? After everything Brian and I had been through over the course of our relationship, hadn’t we proved ourselves and our love enough? I turned my face to the sky, asking God the question that kept replaying itself in my mind. Why?

 

“Baby… baby. Wake up. The judge has made his decision,” Brian whispered in my ear, rousing me from the clutches of the nightmare I had just been at the mercy of. It had seemed so real. I could still hear the judge’s words echoing in my mind: “After carefully reviewing the evidence, it is the will of this court that full custody of Baylee Thomas Wylee Littrell be granted to Leighanne Wallace.”

 

“Oh thank you, God!” I exclaimed when I was finally able to grasp the fact that the verdict had just been a dream, nothing more.

 

“Are you okay, baby? You’re sweating and shivering,” Brian mentioned.

 

“I just had the most terrible nightmare. Leighanne won the case and got custody of Baylee. It seemed so real, Brian. I could have sworn it was real,” I cried, my shaking increasing with every thought spent remembering the dream.

 

“Oh, honey.” He pulled me into his arms, soothing my frayed nerves as my shaking finally subsided. “It was just a dream.” He continued to hold me, trying to soothe my fears away. I took several deep, calming breaths before pulling back. When I had finally calmed down enough to walk again, we made our way to the courtroom to hear the judge’s verdict.

 

The judge entered the courtroom, the same way he had in my dream. As we all took our seats, I watched him shuffle through the papers on his stand before his gaze turned to Brian and I. He lingered on us for awhile before shifting his gaze to Leighanne. His face revealed nothing of his final decision, and I blindly reached out for Brian’s hand, just needing to feel him. He grasped my hand in his and squeezed, letting me know he was with me.

 

Finally, the judge started talking. “After carefully reviewing the evidence, it is the will of this court that full custody of Baylee Thomas Wylee Littrell be granted to Brian Littrell and that maternal rights be returned to Melanie Davis, effective immediately. This case is hereby closed.” Brian and I looked at each other, our eyes wide with shock and tears shining in both our eyes. We had won. Our son was ours again. We didn’t have to worry about Leighanne interfering in our lives anymore. With the judge’s decision, a huge weight had been lifted off both our shoulders. Finally, Brian turned to me, pulling me into his arms and kissing me passionately. In the background, we could hear the guys cheering for us as they made their way to the front to congratulate us.

 

I pulled away from Brian for a second, turning to Jackie, who was packing up his materials. “Jackie, I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve given me back today. I owe you everything,” I told him, more tears falling from my eye.

 

“I told you, Mel. You don’t owe me anything. I’d do anything for you. I love you as if you were my own daughter. I’m just glad you’re happy and you’ve found yourself a nice young man to marry,” he told me, winking at me.

 

“Still, I’ll never be able to repay you for what you’ve given me back today. If you ever need ANYTHING, you let us know, okay, Jackie?” I offered.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind when my baby is born,” he laughed, giving me a big hug. “Now go be with your fiancé and your friends.”

 

“I love you, Jackie,” I told him one last time.

 

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” he responded back, a bittersweet smile on his face as he undoubtedly was remembering my mom. I watched him as he picked up his briefcase and walked out of the courtroom, a smile on my face.

 

I let out a sigh of relief and turned around, only to find Brian standing behind me, a huge smile on his face. We didn’t say a word as he pulled me into his arms, holding me close to him. Despite all the noise around us, Brian and I lost ourselves in our own world, happy just to be together.

 

I looked up into his caring blue eyes, amazed that I had finally reached this point in my life. Here I was with the only man I had ever loved, in his arms, lost in his eyes, knowing they held my past, my present and my future. I never wanted to leave, but I guess some things just aren’t meant to be. Just before all chaos broke loose, we said the only things in our hearts at that moment. “I love you.”

 

We didn’t have a chance to say anything else before the rest of the Boys attacked us in a group hug. “Congratulations” and other various celebratory phrases were shouted out as we all showed out excitement at the final decision.

 

I looked around me, my eyes lingering on each of the guys. Nick was smiling and laughing, his innocence and playfulness written on his sleeve. He was so full of life and had a heart as big as the sun. He never let life’s hardships keep him down for too long. He always saw the bright side at the end of the dark road. That was what I loved most about him. His optimistic nature was contagious, and his child-like wonder made you want to join in his fun and recapture your youth again. He had so much to offer the world. It was no wonder he was the object of so many women’s fantasies.

 

Next, my eyes landed on Howie. He was one of the most amazing guys I had ever met. He was the sweetest person alive, always putting other people first. I had never seen a single selfish act come from that man. He had the biggest heart I had ever seen, with the biggest capacity for love. His eyes really did tell his soul’s story. He had seen plenty of rough times. He had been hurt and scarred, but he never let that ruin the way he treated others. He took every day in stride, learning and keeping an eye out just in case he should find someone who needed a little help and spirit lifting.

 

I looked over at Kevin, who was taking a break from his usual serious, well-mannered, quiet self and was letting loose around his friends. Kevin had shocked me the most out of all the guys. His support never wavered in his friends and family. He showed them every day the true meaning of unconditional love. Sure, he put on a serious, father-figure persona most of the time, but that was only because he was trying to do everything in his power to protect his loved ones and to help prepare them for the future. He only wanted the best for everyone. And the most amazing thing about him was the fact that he was willing to sacrifice anything to ensure the happiness of his loved ones. He was so strong, too. He was the rock that held others together when they felt like they were falling apart. I could tell by the looks on the other guys’ faces when they looked at him that they knew they would not be where they are today without his determination and willingness to stand strong and firm in his decisions and in the best interests of everyone else.

 

I turned my attention to Alex. He had been my rock when I thought there was no way I could even make it through one more day. He had stayed by my side through my darkest times, and he was always willing to drop everything to be there for the ones he loved. He had been through more than enough in his life that would leave most people bitter and heartless. Alex was just the opposite. He was always on the lookout for his next big adventure, and he was always the one to get hurt because he never wanted to cause another person pain if he could help it. His heart was the thing that I loved most about him. His ability to make any situation fun was another major factor.

 

Finally, my eyes rested on Brian. He was smiling and laughing with Nick, joking around like he always seemed to be doing. His eyes shone with pure happiness – something I had never seen from another adult in my life. Brian had the heart of a kid, but the mind of a man. He lived to make others happy and to bring a little joy to their lives. Every time he smiled, you could see all the laugh lines, permanently etched on his face from a lifetime of smiling and laughing. He lived his life purely. And his faith never wavered no matter what situation he found himself in. He could make even the most skeptic person step back and take another look. He was the most amazing man I had ever met.

 

He must have felt my eyes on him because he lifted his eyes to mine, catching me gaze. He gave me a questioning look, but I just shook my head, telling him it wasn’t important. He smiled at me before returning to his conversation with Nick. Every few seconds, though, I would catch him looking my way again.

 

Yeah. This was my life, and I loved it. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world.

 

Finally, Brian finished his conversation with the guys, and he made his way to where I was standing, watching them. “What’s with that look on your face?” he asked, reaching me.

 

“What look?” I asked, feigning innocence.

 

“The ‘I-just-had-a-revelation’ look that suddenly appeared on your face,” he teased.

 

“Nothing. I was just wondering how I got so lucky,” I told him, smiling as he kissed my forehead.

 

He gave me a long, analyzing look before giving up trying to figure out what was running through my mind. He just smiled, pulled me in for a short, sweet kiss before saying the words I had been waiting to hear.  “Let’s go get our son.”

 

Our son. Our family. Oh yeah… life was good.

 

“Brian… Brian… Brian, baby, wake up,” I quietly urged my sleeping husband. He let out a soft snore before snuggling back into his pillow. “Brian, please wake up,” I begged, starting to shake him. I was stopped mid-shake, though, when I was hit with a tightening in my stomach, forcing me to grasp onto his arm with all my strength just to get through the pain.

 

At the intense pressure on his arm, Brian finally woke up and looked over to see my eyes closed as the pain subsided. I opened my eyes and watched him stare sleepily at me before recognition hit. “OMG! It’s time!? The baby’s coming?!” he exclaimed, suddenly wide awake.

 

I could only nod, as I tried my hardest not to laugh. He had already jumped out of bed and was racing around the room like a mad-man. “Ok, got the suitcase. I need my pants. Where are my pants? Oh. There they are. Now keys. Where are my keys? Oh, they’re in my pocket. CELL PHONE…” I watched him talk to himself while he gathered all the supplies we would need. I started making my way down the stairs, counting down until he ended up falling down or hurting himself. When I heard him stumble into something and mutter, “Owwww. Owwww. Owwww,” I knew my prediction was right. “Who put this stupid chair here, anyway? And why do we have a bed in the bedroom?!”

 

He quickly joined me at the bottom of the stairs, already heading for the car. “Brian, honey, aren’t you forgetting something?” I asked. He gave me a blank stare, so I decided to go easy on him. “Honey, Baylee is still asleep in his bed.”

 

“OH!” he exclaimed, rushing back up the stairs to grab our son. I felt another contractions coming, so I grabbed onto the railing, trying to ease my body through it. It was now 3 AM, and I had been having contractions since a little after midnight. I didn’t want to wake Brian until I knew it was time because the last time I had suffered from Braxton-Hicks contractions, it had taken a whole week for me to convince him that the baby wasn’t coming and that he was not going to have to deliver it by himself. Every little noise I made during that week would send him into another fit, making me wonder if he was ever going to be normal again. Let’s just say that with his paranoia and my mood swings, no one wanted to be near us.

 

When we were finally all in the car and on our way to the hospital, I took the time to think about how far Brian and I had come. Shortly after we had won the case against Leighanne, Brian and I had finally gotten married. His mom was a big help in assisting me with all the wedding plans. I asked John to walk me down the aisle, and he agreed. I thought it was only fitting to have my ex-husband hand me off to my new husband.

 

After we were married, it hadn’t taken long for me to get pregnant with our second child. Brian was amazing. He was so interested in every single aspect of the pregnancy, wanting to be a part of every single step. What really helped, though, was the fact that Kristin was pregnant, too, so Brian and Kevin could compare notes and talk to each other about all the pregnancy stuff they couldn’t share with anyone else.

 

Life had been like a dream come true ever since our wedding. Brian was the perfect husband. I knew that deep down, he was trying to make up for the past, no matter how many times I told him not to think about it. Sure, we still had our fair share of arguments. After all, this is me and Brian we are talking about. We’re both two of the most stubborn and pig-headed people in the world, and our personalities clashed sometimes. But no matter what, we always found a way to get through it and be a stronger couple because of it.

 

I had no doubt that Brian and I would be together forever. After all we had already been through, there was nothing that could shake us bad enough to leave each other now. We both knew that this was it. And, to tell you the truth, we both couldn’t be happier about it. As we pulled into the hospital, I watched Brian grab our son before helping me out of the car. The look in his eyes reminded me of something that I had heard a long time ago that I finally understood: the only way love will survive is if the heart is true. Looking at Brian, it all made sense. Only when two people were completely committed to one another would their love survive the tests and trials of life. Brian and I had true love… life had shown us that. Together, we were unstoppable because true love never dies.