He watched the snow fall steadily, wondering when, or even if, it was ever going to stop. It wasn't that he minded; just a thought, really. Snow was one of those things that was unpredictable, despite what any weather person says. Sometimes they're right, sometimes they're way wrong. It was awesome to watch, too. Even in a horrible storm, the flakes seemed to fall so gracefully. Most people seemed to underestimate just what snow could do. They feared hurricanes, and floods or tsunami's, as well as tornadoes or earthquakes. But how often did you REALLY hear someone say, "Oh no! Not the snow!"? Avalanches are common in many places, and they're just as devastating as any other national disaster.

"Hey, Aje. You still in there?" He jumped, startled out of his thoughts, and looked at his friend.

"Hunh? Oh, yeah. Just thinking." Brian smiled and looked out the window.

"Thinking about your snow theory again?" AJ smiled and looked out the window as well.

"You know me so well." Brian patted his friend on the shoulder and turned to leave him to his thoughts. "Hey, Bri?" Brian turned around, but AJ froze. "Um...When are we leaving tomorrow? I forgot." Brian smiled and shook his head.

"Sometimes I think you're worse than Nick with your forgetfulness. We're leaving here a little before noon, so we can make it to the airport on time. We should be in the air by 2 or so." AJ nodded and looked back out the window once more.

"Okay. Thanks." Brian nodded and left him alone. That's the one thing he didn't want, though. He was more lonely than he had been in awhile, but he just couldn't voice it. He'd started getting more comfortable with drinking again, and it scared him. But he refused to go to anymore damn AA meetings, and it was too hard to speak up. He feared that it would take him over again, but he had to keep telling himself it wouldn't. He'd get control over himself again.

He had to.


********************************


"YO! AJ!" Nick yelled, throwing another pillow at the sleeping man's head. "Get up! We're gonna be late!" AJ shot out of bed, tripping over the mess of blankets he'd thrown off during the night.

"Shit shit shit," he mumbled, trying to find his stuff. He'd already packed, knowing he'd most likely sleep in again, but now he couldn't remember where he put it.

"Your stuff's already in the van, bro. Just get dressed and stuff." AJ breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks, Nicky. I'll be out in 5." He ran to the bathroom, grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste, and simultaneously relieved himself while brushing his teeth. 'I really am falling apart, aren't I?' he solemnly thought to himself.

A few minutes later, he emerged from his room, ready to go. The others were finishing up breakfast, so he felt better. Then realization dawned on him.

"Y'all woke me up earlier than normal so I'd be on time, huh?" They all grinned and nodded. He flipped them off, smiling, and grabbed a muffin and some coffee.

"Alright, let's go!" one of their bodyguards called out. They all hustled to get their things together and headed out.

When they got to the airport 20 minutes later, they were informed that their flight was delayed by an hour due to a snow storm. AJ took this chance to sneak away to find a bar for a drink. He was grateful when no one followed him, though his conscience wasn't shutting up. He knew having a drink now was just proving his fear, but he tried to ignore it. 'I'm stronger than the alcohol. I just want one for the hell of it,' he thought, trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong.

After he'd finished a couple beers, he ran to the restroom to brush his teeth and check himself over again. Howie came in and saw him brushing his teeth, but thought nothing of it.

"You and your hygiene. You'd think you were a germophobe or something." AJ grinned and put his toothbrush back in his carry-on.

"Gotta keep it clean and everything for the ladies, D," he joked as he passed his fellow bandmate on the way out the door. Howie turned around, sniffing the air.

"Wait." AJ froze. 'He knows.' "Do you smell that?" He turned around and sniffed the air for effect, though he really didn't smell anything.

"No...I think you're losing it, Howie," he teased. Howie frowned and shook his head.

"It must've been your toothpaste or something. What kind are you using?"

"Aquafresh. I switched brands. Wanted to mix it up." Howie made a disgusted face and covered his nose.

"Oh yuck. I knew it smelled funny. I hate that brand." AJ laughed and turned to leave.

"I'll see you back at the gate, weirdo." When he was clear of the bathroom, he let out the breath he'd been holding. He had almost been caught. There weren't going to be many more off-chance instances like that again. He made a mental vow to give it up, again, and talk to the guys later that night. Hopefully he could keep this promise, since he never usually did with himself.

They reached Seattle at around 9pm. He was tired, even though he'd slept most of the plane ride. It was more of a mental exhaustion than anything else. Well, and jet lag of course. Nothing major, though.

They all filed off the plane and were met immediately by security. No fans had showed up. Not yet, anyway. They always seemed to know exactly where they were at all times. His theory was that management intentionally leaked it to the public, to keep them on their toes. He smiled at the thought and continued to stay huddled within the group. Glancing out the window briefly, he noticed there wasn't much snow here. It kind of made him sad, but he was used to it. However, it was raining, and that's what saddened him most. Rain kept him inside, which kept him bored. That is, unless one of the guys came up with something to do.

'I'll just tell them what's going on, and they'll be supportive, and we'll think of something to do. Yeah. Just like before.' His mind was so far off of everything, he didn't hear his bodyguard calling his name.

"AJ! Look...out."

*Smack!*

He'd been so caught up in his thoughts and not paying attention to where he was going, that he didn't see the turn, nor the wall he had just walked into. He could hear laughing, and had to admit it WAS pretty funny. Shitty, but still funny. Rubbing his nose, he took the proper turn and mumbled obscenities under his breath.

"Hey AJ. Your depth perception off?" Nick teased. Always the jokester. AJ made sure there was nothing else he could run into, then turned to face Nick and grinned.

"You know me, Nicky. Always the performer." They all laughed and walked out the front doors to find their limo, per usual, waiting to pick them up.

"You know, I'll never understand it," Brian wondered aloud. "We go all inconspicuous through the airport, only to be met with a limo OUTSIDE the airport. It's kind of retroactive if you ask me." All the guys nodded and mumbled incoherencies.

"Let's just get to the hotel. I'm beat," AJ informed them.

"You feelin' okay? You slept the whole night through, which is unusual. Now you want to go to the hotel to sleep," Brian asked, worried. He shrugged and smiled at his friend.

"Just tired. Might be getting sick."

'Well, that's one way to put it,' he thought.

"AJ, we all know you're sick," Nick teased. "That's one of the reasons we love you." His playful grin spread across his whole face, and AJ could tell he was looking for a battle of words. But he just wasn't in the mood. Instead he smiled and lightly punched Nick in the arm before getting in the limo.

"Thanks, buddy. I love you too."

"You know it!"


********************************


They got to the hotel with no problem, though when they arrived there was a small group of fans inside. AJ laughed to himself. Had they honestly thought they'd get away scott free? The sight of the group put a smile on his face, so he went in their direction to say hello and sign some autographs. After checking in at the front desk, the rest of the guys did the same.

When he was only a few feet away, a girl who looked a couple years younger than himself stepped in front of him.

"Hi! I-I mean..Hi. I just wanted to say congrats on the sobriety thing. I know you hear it a lot, but I really mean it. Seeing the struggle you were going through helped me pull through my own fight with it." He had heard this before, but her confession almost brought tears to his eyes.

"I'm glad I could help. How long have you been sober?" he asked, trying to make polite conversation while signing a CD she had brought with her.

"4 years and counting. Well, actually, my four year anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks." He smiled big and nodded.

"That's great to hear. I'm proud of you. It never gets easier, in case you hadn't figured that out yet," he informed her, the smile still on his face. She smiled big back at him.

"Don't I know it. Sometimes I miss the late night partying, or even just having a simple drink or two with the girls. But, I've got it mostly under control these days, so we're planning to grab a few drinks on my 4 years." He felt a bit of envy rise up in him, but it was gone just as quick as it had appeared.

"Rock on. What's your name?" He noticed she was blushing a little and chuckled.

"I-It's Taylor."

"Well hello, Taylor. It was amazing talking to you. Really." He smiled at her once more, then leaned in to hug her. She hugged him back enthusiastically, then took her CD back and waved goodbye as she bounded back to her friends.

"What was that about?" Howie asked.

"Another fan fighting with sobriety." Howie sighed.

"Sometimes it's hard to tell just who's telling the truth." AJ glanced over his shoulder at the group of girls and smiled.

"She was. Sometimes you just...know. It's times like this that help me remember just what I'm fighting to control. I lose it, and I could lose the fans, among other things." Now there were tears in his eyes as they stepped into the elevator. He wiped them away when he saw Howie smiling knowingly at him. He joined in on the conversation between Nick and a bodyguard, taking his mind off of wanting a drink.

When they reached their floor and went into their respective rooms, he noticed a gift basket on his bed. He read the note, which was from the hotel management as always, and looked through the basket. Some candy, a pair of sunglasses, and...alcohol. His smile faded and he almost threw the basket across the room. Didn't they get it? Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. One or two other hotels had made this mistake before, so he had made sure to talk to them before they left, to make sure it wouldn't happen again. They'd received him well and apologized, and it hadn't happened again in any of their chain hotels in the country. But now it was, and at one of the worst times possible.

Staring at the bottles that had fallen out when he tossed them aside, he realized they were a few of his choice drinks. Gritting his teeth, he began to wonder if someone was intentionally trying to get him to slip up.

And the sad thing was, they were slowly wearing him down.