“And then she was like OMG and then I was like oh no and then he was all yeah…I love that commercial.  Don’t you? Huh?…Earth to Nick!”

“What?”

“Did you hear a single word I just said?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, yeah? What did I say?”

“Um…Okay, I wasn’t listening.”

“Nick!”

“What? Was it important?”

“Not really.  Where the fuck are you?”

“Right in front of you.  Duh.  Or can’t you see anything through those stupid sunglasses?”

“Haha. Very funny. Not. I can see you just fine. I meant, where are you, like where’s your brain at?”

“Nowhere.  Leave me alone.”

“Nowhere, huh? Let me guess, you’re probably sulking because those camera guys over there are taking pictures of you with that stupid hat on.  I swear, you look like you just had brain surgery or something.”

“Shut up.  Jeez, don’t you ever stop talking?”

“Whoa, crabby, aren’t we? Since when have you ever had a problem with my talking? You’re usually the motormouth around here.”

“Yeah, well, not today.  Why the hell did we get stuck going to get lunch for everyone?”

“Because we’re the youngest, that’s why? Don’t get your panties in a twist, kid.”

“I do not wear panties.  Jesus, AJ.”

“Yeah, well, your nonexistent panties are still giving you a wedgie.  That’s why you’re acting like such a butthead.  Seriously, dude.  What the fuck is bothering you?”

“Do you have to know everything? Can’t I have secrets in this stupid group?”

“Is this about Paris? Because you should just forget about her.  That lying skank can bitch all she wants about you and cover herself with fake bruises all she wants, but you’re through with her.  We’re not even going to think about her anymore.”

“AJ! I’m not thinking about her, okay? Well…okay, now that you’ve brought her up, I am.”

“You’re right.  I can see the smoke coming out of your ears.  Man, she really did a number on you, didn’t she?”

“Can we not talk about her, right now?  I don’t need more issues to think about.  And, besides, the guy at the counter just called the next person in line, and that’s us.”

“Yeesh. Try to help a guy and he jumps down your throat…Hi, my pal and I need eight whoppers and one of those vegetable wrap deals.”

“Kevin’s going to kill us.  This stuff is so full of fat.”

“Well, the wrap’s for him, so he can’t kill us too much…Oh, yeah, give me five large fries, too.  Yeah, that’s right.  Mmm.”

“Yep. We’re dead.”

“Nick, can you just shut up and wallow in the beautiful smell of these french fries here? I swear, I’d move into one of these fast food joints if I could.”

“Can you stop stuffing your face? Howie will have a hissy fit if you eat all of his fries.”

“I can take on Howie.”

“No, you can’t.  He might be small, but he’s badass when he’s mad.”

“Howie? Badass? That’s a good one, Nick.  Speaking of good ones, you still haven’t talked about what’s bugging you.”

“What the hell, AJ? How do you get from Howie to my problems?”

“It’s the beauty of me.  Now, go on and tell Uncle AJ what’s put that frown on your face.  And, please, take off that hat before any more people see me with you looking like that.”

“Please, like anyone cares what you do.”

“Yeah, they do.  See that nice photographer there?…Wave, Nick.  Yeah, him.  He cares.  I’m not in the mood to see LiveDaily explode with all your lovers going on and on about why you look like the biggest idiot with that on your head.”

“ARGH. AJ. I didn’t fucking come with you, so that I could hear a goddamn lecture.  I don’t care what people think about my hat…There, happy? I took it off.”

“Oh, good…except that maybe you should’ve left it on.  Your hair looks really bad, man.”

“Shut up.  Just shut up.  I just wanted some freaking lunch, not to hear about my personal fashion from a guy who wears an outfit like the one you’ve got on.”

“What’s wrong with this? I happen to look pretty snazzy, I’ll have you know.  It’s the latest rage in casual wear.”

“…”

“Nick.”

“…”

“Okay, so what? You’re going to ignore me now? Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts.  You have the patience of a flea, which is nada.  Zero.  Oh! Maybe I could try guessing what’s bothering you.  Is it…a girl? No, you’re not stupid enough to do that twice in one summer.  Is it…your family? Nah.  We’ve already been through that plenty of times for it to be a non-issue.  Besides, I haven’t heard about your family in the papers yet.  Is it-”

“AHHHH! Don’t you ever fucking shut up? I swear to God, I just lost a million brain cells listening to you blabbing on and on like that.  It’s not that big a deal, okay? Okay?”

“See, no patience.  I told you.”

“Just shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!”

“Like, OMG. Nick Carter is, like, so angry.”

“That’s it.  You’re dead.  I’m gonna kill you with my bare hands and bury your body in a grave somewhere far, far away where no one will think to look.  I wonder if Kevin and Howie will help me dig it.  Brian’s too busy not paying me what he owes me to help out, but I bet Kevin and Howie would help out.”

“Ooooh. Is that it? Are you mad because Brian hasn’t paid up for what he owes you from that poker game the other night?”

“Ugh. Fine. Maybe.  Yeah. So?”

“Dude, it really isn’t that big a deal.  Besides, it’s not like you need that money.”

“It was five hundred bucks, AJ.  I want that money.”

“So ask him for it, genius.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s gonna go over real well. ‘Oh, hi, Brian. Can I have the five hundred bucks that you should’ve paid me by now for losing to me in that poker game we played, you big money-stealing asshole?’”

“Okay, see, the asshole part might tick him off.”

“I thought it might.  I guess you’re right.  It’s not that big of a deal.  He probably just forgot or something.”

“I’m always, right, Nick.  Why haven’t you figured that out yet?”

“You are so not always right.”

“Am too.”

“Are not.”

“Am too.”

“Are not.”

“Am too, am too, am too! Ha! Beat that!”

“AJ! You just spilled half the fries out of the bag, jumping up and down like that!”

“Oops.”