Jesse's POV

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you didn't have any friends? The boring nights sitting at home thinking you could be anywhere else but here, having a good time, having no one to talk to you, or leaning on a shoulder to cry on. Did you know there are actually people out there who DON'T have any friends? People shut them out for what they wear, what they do, or what they say. They never take only 5 minutes to even talk to them. It's sad. They are so lonely and so heartbroken, because they don't have any friends, they end up doing crazy things. Ending up getting in trouble. They give up to soon, which shouldn't be done. Wishes will soon be granted and you never know, a special friend might fall right into your lap. Have you ever heard that saying that goes, ' If you stop looking for love, you'll find it? Or it will find you? ' That's the same way with friendships. You stop looking, then all of a sudden it finds you. But you're so distant and bitter, you turn them away and leave the other sadden by your actions, with you not knowing you hurt them, just like you were. That's the problem with today's young folk. You're too blind to see it.

I never had to experience this. And I hope I never do and I'm grateful I haven't. It saddens me that people can go through that. I honestly think you can't get through life without friends. Who will be there to catch you when you fall? Honestly, you'll be like a sitting duck with out them.

Now...this all leads to my friendship with a very very close friend. My best friend. My brother. Aaron Carter. We have been friends, since as long as I can remember. We became best friends years before we both became famous. Which is really special. We share this special bond that know one knows about. The bond only a best friend could have. We have been through thick and thin and we always come out alright. Even when he was going through all the drama with his family. Even though I never knew what he was going through, I was there. Every time he turned around, hoping I'll be there, I was. I was the one who catched him when he fell. Every single time. I can't even imagine myself not lending a helping hand. I'm not the kind of person, who will just walk on by, ignore his outstretched hand and pleases, telling me to help him. I would be there, grasping that hand and never letting go.

Never take a your friends for granted....because you never know when you are going to lose them. When that day comes, don't fret. Cherish the moments you've had with that person. Smile and laugh at every memory. Cry when you have to, but don't despair. This is life, you only live once, which means you will be united again.

On a warm summer night, my best friend was taken from me. A car going 100 miles an hour can ruin everything. You're life, you're future....everything. Once it crashes head on into the other car, everything stops and all you want is a remote where you can rewind or fast ward so you would skip the dreadful feeling when you get when something bad happens to someone you love.

And that's how Aaron died. He never knew he made a difference in my life. But I did. Even though he's gone, our friendship would live on and on. Aaron was my brother....my best friend....and this is our story.

Ring ring ring!!!

Aaron's POV

" Romance entrance three. How may I help you?" I laughed, playfully nudging my girlfriend, Rose off of my back. She giggled and lightly planted small kisses on my neck.

" Aaron?" I frowned. The voice on the other line was shallow and I could barely make it out. I rested the phone between my ear and my shoulder blade, while I looked at the caller ID. It was Jesse's cell.

" Jesse? Is that you?" I heard him suck in a breath. I could tell he was trying to breath.

" Yeah......" He whispered. I bit my lip, worried.

" Are you okay?" I asked nervously. Something was wrong. I gently grabbed Rose's arm and pulled her away, " Come on Jess, talk to me, man."

" Aaron, can I please stay at your place.....I don't have no where to go." He sobbed quietly on the other end. I took a deep breath and stood up.

" What happened?"

" Please man.....I don't want to talk to you right now. Please...please can I stay?"

" Yeah. Sure man. Whatever you want. Are you still in New York?"

" Yeah. But I'm at the airport right now. Please...I need you....." I chewed my bottom lip nervously.

" Jesse, you're welcome here anytime you want, you know that. And I'll wait up for you okay. Just get on the plane and make sure you get here safely. Bye." I swallowed hard, laying the phone back down. The phone shook in my hand as I placed it back in it's rightful spot.

" Aaron is he okay?" Rose asked me. I looked at her.

" No....he's not."

Choking back dry tears I stumbled up to Aaron's door around 2 in the morning. I reached up near the top of the porch light and grabbed the extra key. I inserted it into the key whole and walked into the house. The light in the living room came on and Aaron walked out into the hall. I stood there, numb. I didn't move or speak. Fresh tears rolled down my face. My knees buckled from underneath me. Aaron caught me in his arms before I fell. Brand new sobs escaped my lips.

" It's okay, man." Aaron comfortingly said. I gripped his shirt tightly and buried my head into his shoulder.

" No, it's not okay....." Aaron pulled me away. I refused to look at him. I didn't want him to see how bad I looked.

" Talk to me. What happened?" I had no choice. I looked up at him. I struggled to catch my breath. When I finally did, I whipped the tears away.

" You know when I wanted to ask Katie to marry me?"

Aaron nodded, silently. Then suddenly his eyes widened.

" She didn't say no, did she?"

I shook my head, " No, it's worse than that. I was gonna ask her but she told me she had something to say to me too. So I told her to go first...." I trailed off and took another deep breath, " Aaron, she broke up with me." Saying that I busted into tears. I fell back into his arms and cried.

" Oh my---Jesse I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine her even doing that. What was her reason?"

" Her career."

" So obviously she's putting her career in front of you, right?"

" Yeah...." I whispered.

" Then she wasn't worth it." I pulled away from him.

" How can you say that? I loved her. You knew I did."

" Look, I'm sorry. That came out all wrong. Jess I'm not very good at these sort of things. But honestly I think if a girl or anyone, puts their main priorities before you, then you don't need to be in the relationship. When you needed her Jess, was she there?"

" Sometimes. But she never really talked to me about anything."

" You see what I mean.......It's her lose, Jess. If she can't see what an amazing person you are, then I don't know. It seems it's her career is more important. You always put her first right?"

I nodded, " Yeah. Always. I gave her everything."

" Yeah. And the only thing she gave you in return was her SIDE love. Come on." I stood up and followed Aaron to one of the bed rooms.

" You can sleep in here tonight, until I can get a real bedroom for you. You need some sleep man. I'll see you in the morning." He turned off the lights and left. I snuggled under the covers as deep as I could. It wasn't until 5 o clock until I finally went to sleep.

Aaron's POV

Resting my elbows on the counter, I stared endlessly at the coffee. The pot filled up nicely with hot tasty liquid. Well wait...it'll be tasty after I put some cream and sugar in it first.

" Hey, hot stuff!" A high pitched voice and a slap on my butt, pulled me out of my thoughts. I yelped and jumped back startled.

" Jesus, Lexi you scared me!" I pushed her playfully out of the way, grabbing the sports section of the paper and sitting down at the table.

" Your cute when you're scared." Lexi giggled, joining me. I bent the paper down just a little to glance at her.

" And you're just plain scary."

" I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that."

" Okay. Whoa wait a minute! What are you doing here anyway?" I asked, putting the paper down and facing her. Lexi narrowed her eyes and stood up.

" I live here, tiger." She laughed. Whoa. Hold it. Time out.

" Since when??"

She turned around and smirked at me, " Since today." She said batting her eyelashes at me. I rolled my eyes and got up. I snatched the calender off the wall and studied it with an annoyed expression.

" The fifteenth. How can I forget?" I sighed heavily and dropped the calender.

" Obviously you did."

" Obviously."

" Hey don't fret, tiger. Rose is moving in too you know."

I smirked, " Yeah, and that's the only good part about it."

Lexi gasped and hit me in the chest. I busted out laughing and fell backward.

" Bastard." I rubbed my chest and wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her into a playful head lock.

" I'm just kidding, LexiLoo. You and Rose are my two favorite girls in the whole wide world. How can I say no to you guys?"

" You couldn't." A sweet voice came from behind. We whirled around and laughed when we saw Rose standing there in her Whinny the Pooh pajamas. Her hair was up in a messy bun but hoooolyyy cooow did she looked perty.

" Hey, boo boo." I bent down and kissed her softly on the lips.

" Hey yourself." She kissed my chest lightly and headed over to Lexi. Immediately Lexi whispered something in Rose's ear, getting her to laugh.

" Stop talking about me." I whined. Lexi squealed and pounced over to me. She jumped on my back and wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. I coughed, trying to breath.

" This is gonna be so great, Aar! We're gonna have loads of fun. We'll take you to the mall and include you in our little special girlie chats! You know all that fun stuff!" I coughed and tried to wiggle her off of me.

" Lexi, maybe you should lie to me. " I choked out, " I....can't.....breath..." I let out a loud gasp when she finally got off of me.

" Good morning." Jesse said, walking into the kitchen.

" Hey, McCartney! What is up?!"

" Coffee." He quickly said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. At that time I had finally regained my strength.

" Jesse, you don't drink coffee." I told him.

" I do now."

" Oh no! Rose it's 9:00. We need to go get ready!" I blinked a couple times and frowned.

" Get ready for what??"

" Uh...shopping DUH!!" Rose laughed, but didn't say anything. She just let Lexi drag her upstairs. I rolled my eyes yet again and finally poured my self a cup of coffee.

" Did you sleep?"

" I think so. But when I did, it felt like I was floating. My body was asleep, but my mind wasn't."

" Yeah, I know how that is. Are you okay?"

Jesse stared at me for a moment, before answering, " How can you ask me that question?"

I looked down, " I'm sorry. But Jesse just be honest with me. Are you gonna be okay?"

Jesse took a deep breath. Finally he smirked, " As long as LexiLoo and Rosey doesn't drag me to the mall, I'll be okay." We laughed and gave each other a friendly hug.

" Couldn't agree with you more!"

JESSE’S POV

A couple of days later, I sat at the dining room table, my phone in my hand. My fingers lingered over the keys. It’s been almost a week since I last talked to Katie. I took a deep breath and finally allowed myself to dial her number. I put my phone up to my ear and waited……….

“Hi this is Katie----”

“Katie, hey this is Jess----”

“I’m not in right now. Leave me a message and I’ll call you back. See ya!” BEEP. My face fell when her voice mail came up.

I sighed, “Katie, this is Jess. Um….I was just wondering how you’re doing. I miss you. Give me a call when you can. Bye.” I slowly pushed the end call button. I put my phone down and let my face fall into my hands. Tears quickly welled up in my eyes. Before I knew it, they were falling, I was falling. Falling deeper and deeper into a world I didn’t recognize. I tried to make sense of this. Of my situation and of the reason why I am in this situation. I came to the conclusion that I had to have some answers and fast. Maybe I can think clearly after that. Maybe everything will be fine and I’ll finally be able to movie on with my life. But something was telling me not to listen. It’s going to get worse I know it. Why am I having this feeling that Katie’s reason is not the reason at all. Maybe I would feel better if this all played out differently and not the way that it did. Katie didn’t even ask me what I wanted to say to her. I wish someone will explain to me why love has to be this way.

Drying my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, I took a deep breath and quickly gathered myself up. Looking at the time and sighed. I was supposed to be over at Aaron’s studio thirty minutes ago. He’s helping produce my new album, which I asked him to anyway. That boy get a little impatient so I better get going.

CHAPTER 7-------The meaning of Friendship 

Licking my lips I pushed open the door leading into Aaron’s studio. Aaron sat in his chair with his computer in his lap.

“Hey.” I said quickly sitting down on the couch tiredly. Aaron put his computer to the side and leaned forward in his chair.

“What’s up?”

“I tried calling Katie.” I said quickly, my gaze in my hands.

“Did you get through to her?”

I shook my head, “No.”

Aaron got up and stood in front of me, “We don’t have to record today if you’re not up for it.” I shook my head once more, “No man. It’s okay. Lets do it.” I stood up and headed to the recording booth. I put on the ear phones and nodded to Aaron. He shrugged and started up the music. I licked my lips and opened my mouth……

Hey baby girl
I've been watching you all day
Man that thing you got behind you is amazing
You make me want to take you out and let it rain
I know you got a man but this is what you should say

To me it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t even know how far into the song I got when Aaron stopped me.

“Jess, are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure.” I said, feeling deep down that I knew I wasn’t.

Aaron stared at me, “Really? Cause it sounds like you have no idea what’s going on.” I stayed silent, “Just relax, man.”

I nodded. Relax? Is that even possible right now?

“Okay, lets take it from the top.” Aaron nodded at me and I started again. I tried to do what he said. I tried to relax. But I’m going to say ‘Relax’ isn’t on my to-do list, because I couldn’t relax. Not right now anyway. I could feel my mind running away from me. I couldn’t hear my voice or the music anymore. I could have sworn I seen the room suddenly change. I was surrounded by pure darkness. Doors and windows covered the walls and when I tried to open them they wouldn’t open. I was stuck inside this dark world, alone. With no one to care or even notice.

“Jess….?” I jumped when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. My eyes snapped open. I didn’t realize they were closed. As a matter of fact, I didn’t realize much of anything. The look in Aarons eyes said it all. They looked scared, just as scared as I felt. Aaron slowly took off the earphones that were still on my head and quietly placed them on the stand in front of me. Aaron pulled me into his arms then. At that time I realized the tears escaping my eyes. Tears I never noticed.

---------

“I’m sorry, man. I don’t know what’s up with me today.” I said rubbing my burning my eyes.

Aaron sighed, “I know what’s wrong. Jess, I hate seeing you like this. You need to face it. Talk to Katie. Don’t back down.”

“I know man.” I whispered, “It’s just I’m getting a feeling in my stomach that the reason Katie broke up with me isn’t the real reason.”

“Why do you say that?”

I stood up and walked across the room, standing in front of the window, “I don’t know. Usually when I get feelings like this, I’m usually right, “ I laughed, scratching my head, “No, wait…that’s you. Are you getting any feelings lately?”

Aaron got up and stood in front of me, “Only that I’m scared for you. I’ve been in your position before. Well, probably not as bad but I understand how you feel. You scared me, because you can’t even get through the first verse of the song without zoning out. I panicked when you did, dude. You looked like you were in a trance or something. I tried getting your attention for almost five minutes.”

My eyes widened, “I was out for that long?” Aaron nodded.

“Oh and by the way. Until you handle this and I know you’re one hundred percent going to be okay. We are not going to record anything. It can wait. I want you to be okay, man.”

I nodded, “Yeah…okay. Sorry…..” I whispered, quickly grabbing my jacket and slipping it on.

“Where you going?” Aaron asked.

I turned and faced him, “Um….out. For a drive. I need some time to think about some things. I just need to clear my head. Don’t worry.”

“I better not worry.” Aaron grinned and patted me on the back. I nodded and walked out the door.

Later that night, Jesse stumbled into the kitchen, flipping on the light. He groaned and grabbed his head, feeling the pain the light was giving him. His face and shirt is tear stained. He reached up a shaky hand and grabbed a piece of paper off the refrigerator.

Jesse,

No one may not be here when you get back. Lexi is out clubbing and I took Rose out to dinner. There’s a pizza in the fridge for ya. See ya later

Aaron

Jesse crumbled the note up in his hand and threw it in the trash. He ignored the lovely good pizza and walked straight to the bathroom and locking the door.

***

Meanwhile at the restaurant, Aaron and Rose sat in silence in their booth. Rose gazed at her boyfriend. Aaron sat silently gazing out the window, his food untouched. Rose put down her fork and took Aarons hand. Aaron jumped on contact when Rose touched his hand. He sighed heavily and looked away.

“Hunnie, you haven’t eaten a thing. Are you feeling okay?” Rose gently stroked his arm. Aaron bit his lip and shook his head.

“I just have a lot on my mind that’s all.”

“About Jess?”

Aaron took a deep breath and leaned forward, “I don’t know what to do, Rosey. You didn’t see him today. He’s not himself. “

“Well you need to try to help him.”

“What the fuck do you think I’m trying to do?” He spat, then looking around nervously, then moved in even closer, “Rose, I honestly don’t know how to deal with this. I feel helpless. What if I loose him, Rosey? What if we loose him?”

Rose smiled softly and ran her fingers across his cheek, “Aaron, you’re his best friend. If anybody can figure it out, it will be you. Just tell him that he’s not alone in this. That he has us.”

“What if that’s not enough?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if Jesse doesn’t see the bigger picture? What if he doesn’t see US?”

Rose frowned, “Do you think he’ll try to hurt himself?”

“That’s what scares me. I’m too scared to know. I’m so scared that he will. I just have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is gonna happen. Something I can’t stop.” Aaron took a shaky breath, trying very hard not to loose it. Rose squeezed his hands and placed soft kisses on his face.

“Your food’s getting cold. Eat before I force you too.” She teased. Aaron chuckled and picked up his fork. He looked into her eyes and gave her a small kiss, “Hopefully when we get home, Jess will be there. We’ll try to talking to him again.” She added. Aaron nodded, putting some green beans in his mouth.

***

Later that night, Jesse stood in front of the mirror staring at his reflection. He didn’t know who he was looking at. He just knew he was someone who didn’t want to be on this planet. He wanted to be someone who doesn’t feel anymore heartache or pain. Looking down at the bottle of aspirin in his hand, Jesse knew what he had to do. He was all dried up from all the tears he cried. After staring at the bottle for what seemed like an eternity, making damn sure this is what he wanted, he placed his thumb underneath the lid and popped it open. The sound of a door slamming shut, brought Jesse’s head back up. His breath caught in his throat when he heard talking coming from outside the window and he then knew it was Aaron and Rose. They were back. Jesse walked up to the door and made double sure that it was locked. He made is way back to the sink and poured the pills out of the bottle and into his hand.

“Good Jesse’s home.” Aaron said, walking up the front steps hand in hand with Rose. Rose nodded and snuggled closer to him. Aaron pushed open the door but stopped in his tracks. Rose stood up straight, looking at him.

“What’s wrong, hunnie.” She asked concerned. Aaron put his hand up to her lips and walked into the house. He took a shaky breath and turned to her.

“Um…go in the living room.”

“Aaron, what’s wrong?”

“Baby! Please just go sit down. I have to go find Jesse. Something doesn’t feel right okay. Just go sit down.” He said in a one breath. Rose swallowed and nodded. She turned and slowly made her way to the living room, looking back every once in a while with concern. Aaron took off his jacket and walked into the hall. It was silent and that wasn’t a good thing. He was getting the feeling again. The feeling his gets when something was gonna happen. He turned the corner then stopped. The bathroom door was closed and Aaron never closes it, that is if someone is using it of course. Swallowing hard, Aaron walked up to the door and nodded lightly.

“Jess?” He voice cracked. He cleared his throat, grabbed the door knob and turning it. It was locked.

“Jess?” He called again, this time hopefully he could hear him. All he got was silence, “Are you in there?” Still no answer. He was about to give up when he heard movement from inside.

Then a small voice came, “Aaron……”

Aaron grabbed the knob again and shook it, “Jesse open the door, man.”

“Go away, man.”

“Please open the door and let me in.”

“No. Leave me alone.”

“No I will not leave you alone. Open the door now.” Aaron said firmly, still shaking the door.

“Aaron please I just want to be alone.” Jesse pleaded, shocked that fresh tears were streaming down his cheeks. He could’ve sworn he was all out of tears.

“You’re going to be alone a lot in your life. But you don’t have to be now if you just let me in and so I can talk to you, dammit. I want to help you. Let me help you!”

“You can’t help me.” Jesse said, flatly. Aaron fell silent, his body shaking. He licked his dry lips and stepped closer to this door.

“Don’t…ever say….I can’t help you. I can help you if you just let me.”

“Just go away, Aaron.”

“I’m not going away. Not now not every. And don’t forget who fucking house this is Jesse. Now open the God Damn door!”

“Fuck off!”

“Jesse unlock this damn door or I’ll knock it the fuck down! What’s it gonna be buddy? I don’t really want to replace my door, so I suggest you unlock it right now.” Aaron was met with only silence. He shook his head in anger and stepped back away from the door. Then with all of his power he slammed himself against the door as hard as he could. Rose, who was in the living room, jumped at the loud bang of Aarons shoulder against the bathroom door. She choked back a sob, quickly grabbing her cell and dialing Lexi. She picked up on the second ring.

“Talk to me, Rosey.”

“Lexi please get home.” Rose cried, trying to get her breath back. With every bang she flinched.

“Rosey, what’s wrong?” Lexi asked, starting to panic.

“Something’s…wrong with…Jesse. Please come home!” She cried hard.

“I’m on my way. Hang in there hun!” The cell phone slipped out of her hand and landed on the floor. Rose leaned up against the wall placing her face in her hands.

After a struggle trying to get the door open Aaron finally succeeded, only to see Jesse race pass him right as the door opened. Startled, Aaron jumped back and hit the wall. Aaron quickly recovered and ran after him.

“Jesse stop!!!” He caught him at the base of the stairs and threw him backwards. Jesse landed hard on the floor, the bottle of pills flying out of his hand and sliding across the floor. Aaron eyed the bottle in horror. He couldn’t believe what Jesse was thinking about doing. Aaron sprung into action. He grabbed Jesse, just as he was ready to snatch the pills back.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Aaron screamed pinning Jesses hands together.

“Let me go!! I need them Aaron!!! I need them!!” Jesse sobbed, trying desperately to get to them, but Aaron didn’t loosen his grip.

“Rose!!!” Aaron yelled for her. Rose ran into the foyer, her hand on her chest, “Get that bottle and get rid of it!!” Rose nodded quickly and snatched them. Jesse’s eyes widened as soon as she reached for them.

“No! You fucking bitch!! I need those!!” Jesse screamed. He then elbowed Aaron right in the side of the head and got out of his grip. Aaron grabbed his head in pain, then shot right after him. Once again the caught up with him, wrapping his arms around from behind, swinging him around and pinning him back to the ground.

“Why? Why do you need them man?!” Aaron sobbed, feeling his own heart starting to break.

“Because…….I want to…die.”

“No. No you don’t. Please don’t say that.” Aaron whispered, wrapping his arms around him tighter.

“Yes. I. Do. LET ME GO!!” Jesse screamed, violently trying to get loose. Aaron didn’t loosen his grip not once. He pulled him even closer to him.

“No I won’t. I’m not going to let you go. I’m NEVER going to let you go. Never.” Jesse finally stopped fighting him and went limp in his arms, letting the sobs take over his body, “Never gonna let you go. Not in a million years am I ever going to let you go. I’m going to help you even if it kills me. Don’t you ever think you’re in this alone. I’m here. Rose is here. Lexi is here. You’re not alone. You’ll never ever be alone.” Aaron wrapped his fingers in his hair and rocked him back and forth, whispering soothing words in his ear. Rose stood back watching, her cheeks tear stained. Lexi came up behind her, resting her chin on Roses shoulder, gazing on as well.

Chapter 9

Aaron’s POV

 I awoke the next morning, feeling like a I got hit upside the head with bat. I groaned, grabbing the side of my head and turning over. I was welcomed by Rose, putting her hand over mine. I slowly opened my eyes and met her green ones.

“Hi there.” She whispered, smiling. I smiled back at her, loving the way she looks at me in the mornings. I don’t ever want to loose something so beautiful and pure in this world. I leaned over and gave her a sweet kiss on her forehead, while running my fingertips over her face. I then sat up and looked over to the other side of me. Then it hit me like a bullet. The drama we went through yesterday. That’s why my head hurts so much. Jesse elbowed me in the head. Damn him for my migraine. I wouldn’t even thought…no…I wouldn’t have even imagined Jesse would do something like this. Of course he loved Katie with all of his heart and soul, just like I love Rose, but I didn’t think he would try to take his own life because of it. He once told me he would die if he ever lost her. I told him he wouldn’t. Cause there’s more to life after death. That death was a part of life. And if something ever happened to Katie…anything….life still goes on. He’ll have the memories to what was the best time of his life. And of course he argued with me. That’s what friends do, they don’t want to listen. Now after what Jesse pulled last night, makes it even harder on me. Just like I said they don’t want to listen, because they think they know how they really feel and doesn’t care about what you have to say. What’s going on with Jesse, is a very big matter. What frightens me the most is that he won’t listen to me and I’ll fail as a friend. We’re supposed to be there for each other. I will give an arm and a leg to make sure he gets through this. If not, what is my calling? Definitely not a friend.

 I pulled myself out of bed and hurried downstairs to find Jesse. After what happened last night I’m not taking any chances. I’m not gonna let this boy out of my sight. We’re gonna be little bathroom buddies, until this all blows over. Well….maybe not but you get my drift. I skidded into the kitchen, calling his name. Finally I spotted him outside on the bench swing. I took a deep breath and sweet relief. I opened the backdoor and saw Jesse curled up on the bench, and blanket around him and some coffee in hand. I sat down beside him, pulling the blanket over me as well. Kinda nippy outside.

“Hey.” I said giving him a weak smile. He glanced at me. I could tell he didn’t sleep at all last night. Dark circles took over his eyes and exhaustion just swept over him.

“Hi.” Jesse said in such a tiny voice I had to strain my ear muscles just to hear him.

“Um…are you okay?” I asked then suddenly regretted it. Stupid. Stupid. Aaron when are you ever going to learn? Don’t ask that question!! Of course he’s not okay. If he was OKAY, he’ll be in a happy mood, chipper maybe. No if he was chipper he might as well be called psychotic.

“No.” He answered. I nodded. Understandable.

“Jesse, please tell me what your feeling. I want to know so I can help you.”

Jesse shook his head, “You wouldn’t understand.”

I snorted upon hearing that. How dare he, “I wouldn’t understand?”

“No.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

Jesse looked at me, “Is it?”

“Having the same feeling you are, feeling nothing matters in the world, a world where you nobody wants you or cares! I’ve been there. I’ve lived it. I’ve always told you everything. Absolutely everything. Now don’t give me that you won’t understand bullshit, just like you did just now!”

“Actually, there’s one thing you never told me. I had to learn from another source. A source called the media. Something you should have told me.”

“What?”

“When you started doing drugs. Sneaking around, lying, breaking promises. You know the usual shit you put me through.”

“So this is payback, huh?”

“Isn’t a bitch, Aaron?”

“That is a whole entire different thing.”

“Bullshit. You know why you started doing it. Because you were broken up over your family. You only did it cause it made you feel better.”

“I also tried to do exactly what you tried to do last night. I told you that didn’t I? I was suicidal too. Remember that? It was you that helped me. It was you I put my trust and thanks into. You‘re the reason why I‘m still living.” Finally I was greeted by silence and Jesses hazel eyes staring back at me, “Just remember one thing. I was in your place too. Instead of pills I had a knife. I held it in my hand so tight. I cried and cried telling myself just to do it. Just do it. Did I? No. I didn’t. And you know why? Because I  couldn’t. I was too scared to die. I wanted my heart and my soul to get better and if you remember, I know I do, that that day I went over to your house and cried and told you want I tried to do. And when I told you, I looked into your eyes and seen that you started to cry too. I then realized something, I didn’t want to die, because I didn’t want to loose you. I didn't want to loose my best friend."

“How did you do it, Aaron? How did you do it?” Jesse asked, his voice thick from all the tears that were blocking it.

“I kept on walking through the front door. Never ever go through the back. And if the front door won’t open, break a window.” I told him. Jesse squeezed my head and nodded.

“I’m so sorry I had to put you through that, man.” I nodded and pulled him for a tight hug.

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. And you know me man. I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I promise you’ll be okay. All I need is for you to trust me.”

“I do. I do trust you, man.” Jesse sobbed into my shoulder. I pulled him back and gave him a small pat.

“Hey, I have an idea. I have a therapy session with Sandra this afternoon. Why don’t you come with me. Talk to her too.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow, “Are you serious? Now you want to put fucking therapy shit through my head.”

“Um…yeah I do!” I laughed, “Look, I’ve been going to Sandra since I was sixteen, pretty much ever since Nick forced me too. She’s helped me so much. She always knows what to say. I even pick up a few tips from her. What do you say? We can go together. No matter what you’re not in this alone.”

Jesse took a deep breath and stood up, “So…when’s the appointment?”