1. Guilt by kevmylove
2. Regret by kevmylove
Nick sat looking out the window, he was the first one in the van. He was red and pissed off. He watched as the two vans were filled. He leaned against the seat and closed his eyes.
He awoke in the lobby, he couldn’t believe what was happening.
“Ok would you stay still, if I do this wrong it’s going to be your fault” Heidi giggled as she knelt down inspecting his crotch, it had always made her nervous, but she didn’t let it get to her.
“Alright I’m sorry, it’s just weird to have you down there…during working hours.” he smiled wickedly.
“You did not just say that” she shushed him, hoping no one had heard , then she smacked his leg.
“Ouch it’s only the truth…so are we on for dinner tonight.”
Heidi sprung up and kissed him on the cheek “Yes…just don’t leave me hanging this time again.”
He leaned in to kiss her, when suddenly AJ sprung through the door, startling the twosome.
“Wow by the looks on both of your faces I would think ...your planning on taking over the world together or something.” AJ joked as Heidi went back to kneeling and Nick just brushed his hair back.
“Hey there! You ok man, you’ve been looking out that window for the past half hour?” Brian sat next to him, an arm placed on his shoulder “It’s gonna be alright!”
Nick turned to look at him, his eyes full of concern and somehow guilt “What if it’s not? What if…?” he closed his eyes, not wanting to say the words.
“Nick, you don’t think this is your fault do you? You cant do that to yourself man.” Brian waited for an answer from his best friend, but Nick’s silence gave him the clue to just walk away.
Heidi laid on the bed a sheet covering her body “So how long is this going to go on like this?” she sighed.
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad. I mean you know that…well it would be a bad…I can’t ok…no one would understand it.” Nick took a seat at the foot of the bed and placed a hand on her legs.
“I think it’s not fair…so what if I’m not Britney Spears or Paris…” she made a disgusted look “Thank god actually” she smiled, forgetting how serious her conversation was.
“Just hang in there please. I promise things will change soon ok!” he pulled her towards him and laid her on his lap. “Promise” he repeated, she smiled gracefully at him as their lips locked.
Nick shifted in his chair, he could never understand how a waiting room could have such butt hurting seats.
“Yo Nick do you want some coffee?” AJ asked, standing in front of him. “Well today not tomorrow?”
“Oh…no thanks I’m fine” Nick turned on his Ipod and a familiar song came on. He placed the big ear phones on and turned up the volume.
Heidi tripped over herself, Nick trying to help her walk. He had blind folded her and they were headed to a surprise he had planned.
“Nick your not the best guide. I already tripped three times.” she giggled nervously.
He suddenly came to a halt, the waves of the ocean crashing together could be heard. “Alright…we are here anyways” he muttered playfully.
Slowly he removed the blind fold from her eyes, and her jaw dropped. There was a candle lit dinner on the beachfront. She turned around her eyes teary “It’s beautiful” she kissed him softly as they made their way to the table.
They sat and had dinner along with champagne. Then walked along the beach, hand in hand. “Thanks for the wonderful night.” she smiled.
“It was nothing…really. I like being with you Heidi. I just feel bad that it can’t be…well…” they stared at each other for a second.
“Official” she mumbled a little disappointed. “I don’t understand why? Look at George Clooney his girlfriend was a waitress…”
Nick rolled his eyes, having this conversation was becoming redundant. “Heidi can’t you just be happy with the time I DO spend with you.”
“Oh right…I should be happy that you hide me all the time. That I get to screw you from time to time. Well no it’s not enough Nick Carter…“ her eyes went from wide and happy, to sad and teary “I need to go home.” she stormed back to the house.
In the car she turned on the radio ‘Listen to your heart’ played as they drove off in silence.
“Hey damn you want to wake up all the sick people” AJ blurted, shaking Nick out of his trance.
“Huh? What?” Nick looked up at him, as he removed one ear phone.
AJ looked at him puzzled and wanting to laugh loud “You…are…singing…loud! Now we should thank god you have a great voice…cause…anyways…why the hell are you listening to a chic song?”
Nick looked at the Ipod where it read the song “She put it in my Ipod!” he smiled dumbly.
AJ looked at him dumbfounded “Whatever man, your losing it! Just keep it down, Roxette!” AJ walked away laughing.
Nick sighed and stood up “I’m going outside to get some air” he walked down the narrow hall till he hit the automatic doors. He sighed heavily as the breeze of the night hit his face. “Fuck!” he muttered to himself.
He never smoked, but he decided he would start tonight. It gave him something to do as the hours that felt like days went by.
“I can not believe you…Nick” Heidi’s face was red like a tomato. “You think I’m stupid don’t you. I’m just a dumb wardrobe girl.”
He tried hugging her to calm her down, but that was in vain. “Heidi it’s just a rumor, I’m not going out with her, I just took her to the Award ceremony.”
“You rather take a fucking porn star, than take the girl that makes sure that your crotch fits in your pants before every concert. ASSHOLE!” she crossed her arms over her chest. “I am giving up!”
Nick held her chin in his hand and looked at her straight in the eyes “Look it was nothing I promise. Yeah she’s a porn star, but if it makes you feel better. She is going out with my brother.”
She made a disgusted look “Actually no, you guys share women. That is just nasty!” she took a seat on the sofa and covered her face with her hands “Nick I can’t do this anymore.”
He sighed heavily “Do what Heidi…don’t you think I’m the one that should be saying that?”
She looked at him, a little hurt “Oh right you’re the Backstreet boy that can do so much better. Well fine, go do better…just leave me alone…go get out!” she pushed him towards the door.
“I’m sorry, that was a stupid comment. It’s just that your pressuring me and I get frustrated. The new tour started and it’s stressing.“
“Did you forget I’m on that tour too. Look Nick, you might be ashamed of me…but I love you“ she quickly placed her hands over her mouth, wanting to take the last words back “I mean…sorry that…slipped out.”
Nick was baffled, unsure of what to respond to her. He laughed “Heidi…I…” he stumbled over the words.
She smiled embarrassedly “It‘s ok, I didn’t think you felt the same way. I think you should leave“ she held the door open, and slammed it as soon as he stepped out.
“Since when do you smoke Nick?” Howie stood next to him, hands in his pockets.
Nick puffed the cigarette and turned to look at Howie “Since tonight. Any news?”
“Nothing…I don’t understand what the hell happened.”
“The last time I talked to Heidi…I was a fucking asshole!” he swallowed the stubborn knot in his throat.
Howie looked at him a little confused “What are you talking about? She knows you care about her, you guys are good friends.”
“I just wish that I could….Never mind Howie. Lets go back inside.” ” Howie looked at him still trying to figure out what Nick was trying to say.
They walked in and everyone’s eyes flew upon them, he caught two pair in particular Leighanne’s and Leigh’s. He looked away quickly and took the same seat, then looked back at them, they were still glaring at him.
Nick held flowers in his hand as he stood in the doorway “I thought we would go to lunch, and make our relationship official.”
Heidi jumped into his arms and kissed him all over “Are you serious? Ashton Kutcher isn’t with you is he?” she giggled as he scooped her up in his arms.
“No, so come on let’s go on our first official date. With no worries.” he smiled.
A while later, Nick held Heidi’s hand as they walked through the restaurant. He looked around nervously making sure no one that he knew was there. “You can at least be a little discrete about it.” Heidi smirked.
“About what?” Nick still looked around “I’m just scoping out the place” he took a seat after pulling out hers.
“Right? I can see the panic in your face. Just relax…” she laughed at him, and placed her napkin in her lap. “So what is good here” she picked up the menu.
“Uh…the shrimp!” he blurted, already he was having second thoughts “So I was thinking that…”
His words were interrupted by two familiar faces “Hi there Nick…” Leigh, Howie’s wife smiled down at him “Oh Heidi…how are you sweetie” she kissed Heidi’s cheek and then Nicks.
“This is a nice surprise” Leighanne added also kissing Heidi and Nicks cheek. “It’s nice that you guys are taking a break from all that tour, new album and media stuff.” she smiled warmly
Leigh chuckled and asked “So are you two on a date?” both women waited for an answer.
Heidi beamed with excitement “As a matter of fact…Nick…just…”
But her words were cut off by Nick “I was just telling her what a great job she does, and how much we appreciate her. So I thought I would bring her to lunch.” Nick faked a smile and turned to look at Heidi quickly.
She smiled, that same disappointment in her eyes “Yeah I thought it was a great idea”
Leighanne held Heidi’s hand “Oh that is too bad, cause you two make an adorable couple. Well then we are on our way to get pampered at the spa. So see you guys on tour.” the two woman were off.
Nick waited for Heidi’s reaction, but all she did was stare at the flower arrangement in front of her, he noticed a tear sliding down the side of her cheek, then guilt hit him in the pit of his stomach. “Heidi…” he mumbled.
She wiped the tear that had escaped and looked at him, “Don’t say anything, your only going to make it worse. Your full of shit by the way” she stood up and walked out of the restaurant, leaving Nick alone.
“Are you ok man, you look like your going to be sick?” Brian stood next to Nick, who still stood in the same spot.
Nick felt the place spin around him, so he closed his eyes and held his head to make it stop and when he opened his eyes, Brian was looking at him. “It’s my fault” he mumbled again.
“What? Nick, I know you and Heidi were close but you can’t blame yourself for what happened.” Brian patted Nicks back and helped him back to his seat.
“It’s my fucking fault Brian.” Nick kept repeating to himself or anyone that would listen.
It was the last show in the UK, he hadn‘t been in the same room alone with Heidi since the last argument at the restaurant. He entered the room and closed the door behind him..
She rustled through the clothes on hangers “What do you want?” she didn’t even look up at him.
“Heidi you can‘t avoid me forever.” Nick grabbed her arm gently “How many times do I have to tell you I‘m sorry?”
She rolled her eyes “How many times do I have to tell you that everything is fine. I‘m sticking to what I‘m good at, picking your clothes and stitching them. OK!”
Nick let go of her arm “At least let me know if your doing ok?” he waited for her answer “Heidi?”
“No Nick I‘m not ok…you hurt me. You lead me on and all I‘m guessing that I was good for was getting you off. Your so used to me being there when no one else is around. But I‘m done with this…I wont let you play me again.”
His mouth was slightly opened in surprise “I didn‘t mean to hurt you…but I never said that we were going to be…”
She held her head “Please stop your giving me a head ache and I think I‘m going to throw up“ she ran off to the bathroom.
“I’m an idiot” he thought out loud and realized that everyone could hear him.
The anxiety was getting to him, it had only been forty five minutes now and it felt like 24 hours. Maybe if he took a short nap, he could let his mind rest for a second or two. Anyways if the doctor came back with news, they would wake him.
He placed the earphones on again, leaned back on the seat and closed his eyes. “I just need to rest” he murmured to himself.
Everyone had met in the lobby, ready to start the touring in the states. New York to be exact, but Heidi was missing. Nick looked around “Uh I‘ll go look for her” he hopped into the elevator and knocked on her door.
She opened her face puffy and she was wiping her eyes “What do you want?” she blurted.
Nick looked at her concerned “Everyone is in the lobby waiting, they were wondering where you are”
She turned away to get her purse, and turned back spilling it all over the floor. “Shit” she stuttered as she knelt down to pick it up.
He knelt down beside her and helped put it all in the bag, she turned pale, when she saw what he was holding in his hand, a frantic look on his face. “What the hell is this Heidi?”
Heidi swallowed hard “I…wasn’t feeling well…so…I was late…and…” she stood up and moaned “We are having a baby.” she uttered as she waited for his reaction.
Nick stood up and sighed “Is this what you have to turn to? This is really low!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Pretending to be pregnant so that I will get back with you. Yeah! That’s old Heidi…here” he handed her the pregnancy test, she snatched it from his hands.
Glaring at him she blurted “I don’t need to pretend…Nick! I am…but don‘t worry I wont run and tell the whole world you got the wardrobe girl pregnant. I don‘t need you anyway”
“No, Heidi I don’t need you. So there is no WE in this, YOU are having a baby! Hurry the fuck up” he stepped out of the room and into the elevator.
They both reached downstairs at the same time. She turned to look at him sorrow in her eyes, but he just glared at her and hopped into the van., he closed his eyes, hoping this was all a dream.
He could hear the rest of the guys in conversation and suddenly all that was heard was a loud screeching and a smashing sound. “Holy shit” he heard AJ say as he slowly opened his eyes.
Looking around he realized they were in a hospital lobby. And the doctor was giving the news, he was nervous he couldn’t even make out what he was saying.
“Your friends are doing better, Lilly has a broken leg, the two big guys cuts and bruises. Heidi and the child she was carrying didn’t make it” the doctor looked down as he caught the saddened eyes looking at him.
Nick felt like he was going to pass out and for a second held on to Brian “No…that can’t be…Please…I need to see her” he got frantic and began shaking “Please I need to see her let me see her…”
In order to calm him down they gave him a sedative, he sat down and his eyes began to close slowly.
He awoke abruptly looking around, “Yo, man are you ok?” AJ asked sitting next to him.
Nick looked around a little disoriented “What? We weren’t at the hospital? Where is Heidi?” he asked panic in his face.
The guys started laughing “Heidi…yeah you never told us you had a thing for her” Howie smiled.
“You said you loved Heidi” Brian smirked.
Although the guys were joking, he didn’t crack a smile and looked at them panic in his eyes “Where is she?” he demanded, making the smiles on the guys faces drift away.
“Jeez Nick she is unloaded her stuff from the other van.” AJ informed, but before anyone else could say a word, Nick had hopped out of the van.
Heidi grabbed her bags from the van and as she spun around she bumped into Nick. Her eyes had traces of tears “What did you forget to tell me something in our friendly conversation earlier?” she looked away.
Nick stared at her for a second, then looked around noticing the guys standing by the van watching the twosome, along with the rest of the crew. He swallowed hard as he stared into her sad eyes.
“Yeah! I did…” she crossed her arms waiting for the worst from him, but he suddenly embraced her “I’m an asshole…” he whispered into her ear “I’m sorry!”
She slowly pulled away from his embrace “What?” she muttered looking around.
“Heidi…I thought I had lost you. I realized that I don’t ever want to feel that again.” he sighed “I love you…”
Her eyes widened with confusion yet happiness, she sprung into his arms as they locked lips “I was hoping you would say that” she gasped kissing him “I love you too“.
Everyone began to enter the stadium, he grabbed her bags “Here you cant be lifting heavy things” he smiled at her as she smiled back, he whispered “Cause WE are having a baby."
She smiled as she held his hand and the entered the stadium together.