“Alex… Alex… Alexander James McLean.”

I snapped out of my trance and had glanced over at my teacher, Miss Carlene, who had been calling me for the past couple seconds. “Yes?”

“You’re up next sweetie, are you ready?” she replied with a warm smile.

I gulped, I wasn’t ready but I nodded anyway. This week was Parent Appreciation week, and it was our job to put together a small presentation to share with the class about our parents and the different things we appreciate them for. I hadn’t done my homework, so the whole time my fellow classmates spent bragging about their parents, I sat there and tried to think of ways I could brag about mines. I knew exactly what to say about my mom.

I walked up to the front of the class, strangely feeling comfortable, a little too comfortable with the fact that all eyes were on me. Although I felt comfortable, I still found myself fidgeting with the bottom hem of my shirt. “My parents are…”

Miss Carlene interrupted me, “Why don’t you start off with introducing yourself.” I nodded as I continued to play with the bottom of my shirt. “Hands to the side sweetie.”

I dropped my hands to the side and began cracking my knuckles. “Hi… my name is Alex McLean. My parents are Denise and Robert McLean.” I paused for the longest, noticing that all the young kids were looking intently at me, as if intrigued by what I was saying. I glanced back at my teacher, seeing her smile all the while.

I took a deep breath in and started blabbering away, not even taking notice to what was flying out of my mouth. One thing I knew for sure was that I was solely talking about my mother, saying nothing but good things about her; talking about all that she has done for me and all the reasons why I appreciate her.

Just when I thought I was in the clear and was ready to make my way back to my seat, Miss Carlene had spoken. “What about your father my dear?”

My eyes widen upon hearing that. “My… my father?” I stuttered, glancing back at her to make sure I heard her right.

She simply nodded and continued on with a smile, “Yes. You’ve said such lovely things about your mother, but why don’t you tell us a little something about your father.”

“My father… is Robert McLean.”

Miss Carlene chuckled, “You’ve already told us that sweetie.”

What else could I say about my father, I had no idea who he was. Although I wasn’t really paying attention to the students that have gave their presentation earlier, I knew that they all had fathers and I didn’t want to be the outcast one and say that I didn’t know who my father was or where he is. So, since I didn’t know who my father was, I did what any kid my age would do… I made him up.

I started going off on the class, telling them everything and anything I thought a father should be. As I continued to ramble on, I was beginning to realize that I was liking this father that I was making up, and for a moment I felt as if everything that I was saying was true; that my father was this great man who did all these marvelous things and was filthy rich. I left the class staring at me in disbelief while Miss Carlene only stared at me in doubt.

For that moment I felt like I actually had a father in my life, but all that changed once I glanced at the disapproving stare from Miss Carlene. To my surprise, she started clapping, and the whole class followed suit. I released a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding and slowly made my way back to my seat. What kid would want to stand before a class and say that they didn’t have a father? Definitely not me.

~*~*~*~

“Hello Mrs. McLean, please have a seat.”

“Thank you.”

“Now Mrs. McLean, I know you must…”

“Please, call me Denise.”

“Denise… I know you must be wondering why I called you, and believe me, it’s nothing bad… I just wanted to talk a bit about your son and… your husband.”

Here I was, sitting outside of the classroom, listening to my mom and Miss Carlene talk. The door was closed but I could still every word they were saying. I heard the Miss Carlene relay to my mother everything I had presented to the class about my father. I stood on my tiptoes and glanced through the window in the door, watching as my mother’s brow knitted in confusion and began shaking her head. I turned away from the door and sat down on the chair that was situated outside, letting my back and my head hit the wall rather hard.

“You see Miss Carlene, my husband left us when Alex was only four. Even before he wasn’t really around and really in Alex’s life.”

I shot out of the chair again to peep in through the window, watching Miss Carlene’s reaction. She had one hand covering her mouth while the other hand was placed over her heart, and she just stared at my mother with wide eyes. I pouted as I flounced back down on the chair. Like I really needed her to start treating me differently because I have no father.

“I am so sorry to hear that Denise, I had no idea…”

“It’s really fine Miss Carlene. I’m sorry for the stunt Alex pulled today. He’s known to have a wild imagination.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed. The reaction I saw on Miss Carlene’s face began playing through my head, and it made me wonder what she thought about it, what she thought about me. Did she think I was an outcast because I had no father? Would she start treating me differently? What about when our class does activities for Father’s day, would she have me doing something else all by myself? I was already an outcast and felt all alone, I didn’t want to be treated any different all because I didn’t have a father.

My eyes widen with that thought, what if she told the class what my mother just told her. Everyone already thought I was weird and different, having the teacher announce to them that I had no father would only make the situation worse. I didn’t want to be treated differently, I was already looked at as different by everybody else. I felt my eyes well up with tears. As if my life couldn’t get any worse, the fact that people realizing that I was nothing but a bastard just did.

“Alex?”

I quickly rubbed my eyes, trying to erase any trace of my tears. After rubbing them rather harshly, I looked up and saw my mom standing beside me.

“Do you have something to say to Miss Carlene?”

“Oh really Denise, it’s not necessary…” Miss Carlene began to say, but I quickly interrupted her.

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out, intertwining my hands together in front of me, starting down at the floor all the while. “I’m sorry that my presentation was a fake, that everything I said about my father was a lie. I’m sorry for making it all up.”

Miss Carlene bent down to get eye leveled with me. She grabbed my hands, forcing me untwist them and grasp her hands as well. “Alex… your presentation was not a lie. Everything you said about your mother was simply… beautiful. I told your mother all the nice things you said about her and also told her that your presentation was focused mainly on her. I know all those things was not fake, nor was it a lie. And I had no idea about your father, I am so sorry sweetie.”

This time, I couldn’t and didn’t want to hold my tears in. I let them cascade freely, squeezing my eyes shut because I didn’t want to look at her. Suddenly, I felt a soft hand caress my cheek, wiping away the hot tears that was streaming down my face. I opened my watery eyes to stare at the sincere smile of Miss Carlene through my blurry vision.

“I didn’t want to tell you the truth because I didn’t want them to laugh at me… I didn’t want you to treat me different.” I said to her in barely a whisper.

“Honey, I wouldn’t have treated you any differently. And if only you would have told me what the circumstances were, I wouldn’t have pressed you to talk about your father. The class wouldn’t have laughed at you.”

“Yes the would’ve.” I pouted. “They all have fathers… they would’ve thought that I was weird.”

“Honey, you are not alone. And as for the other students, this is a very personal matter and they wouldn’t have known anything about it.”

“You mean… you aren’t gonna tell the class tomorrow that I have no father?”

I caught her by surprise with that question, “Heavens no Alex. It isn’t any of their business. But I do hope you realize that everything you’d ever want in a father is right there,” she pointed over towards my mom “right in your mother. She plays both roles in your life, and I’m so glad that you see and appreciate that. You are truly blessed to have her as your mother.”

I sniffed as I looked up at my mom, who was only looking down at me smiling. I smiled back and grabbed her hand in mines. “Yup, the best mommy in the whole entire world!!”

That caused them to both laugh and at that moment I have never felt so special. Miss Carlene looked back at me, “And when I have a son, I could only hope that he’d be just like you. You are so special Alex, so very special to me, your mom, and to everybody else… and I wouldn’t want you to change for the world.”

Miss Carlene helped me to realize two things that day. First one being that everything that I had ever wanted in a father was right there in my mother, for she played the role of both parents in my life. She also helped me to realize that when I get older and have a child of my own, that I would love and care for that child, give and be everything a father could, everything my father wasn’t to me. It was that day that I realized that I would be nothing like my father.

Do you believe that was me, oh about twenty years ago?  Some days I still don't believe it.  Not after all the shit I've done in my life.  Man have I been a major ass hole.  Some things I've done over the last few years, though, have reminded me of that day in Miss Carlene's class..  They've reminded me of the realization Miss Carlene pulled from me.

I would be nothing like my father.

My mom and the guys tell me I'm doing a good job at that, but I'm still not completely sure.  It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Who knows where the fuck I'd be if it weren't for all of them though.

It took a lot to get me here, and I still have doubts.  I have doubts that I'm doing a good job.  I have doubts that I'm not going to fuck it all up.  They all tell me to relax and go with the flow, but I still have my doubts.  I do it all for TJ though.

My life would be completely different if it weren't for TJ.  We're a little team now, AJ and TJ.  But I guess you're wondering who TJ is?  Tucker Jaydon, my son.  He's almost one, and he's amazing.

Not many people thought I would have kids.  I'm not sure I thought I would either.  I was scared to fuck my kids up, scared of being like my father.  The truth is I love kids.  They just scare me.  I think Kevin and Brian's sons Mason and Baylee are awesome.  They're not mine though.  I get to play with them and send them back home.

Tucker is a completely different story.  I get to do it all, and it's even more amazing than I thought it would be.  Fucking hard, but it's amazing.

A lot went into getting here though.  I guess it all started with Sam...

I walked down the aisle, not really paying attention to where I was going.  It was after midnight, who in their right mind would be grocery shopping at this hour?  Well, besides me.  A little secret...I like grocery shopping in the middle of the night.  Less people, less chance of being spotted.

CRASH

Oops.  I guess that's why you need to pay attention.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," I let go of my shopping cart and rushed over to the person I'd just crashed into.    She was gripping the shopping cart handle, I assume trying to keep herself from falling over.  I reached out and grabbed her elbow, "Are you okay?"

She nodded and slowly looked up.  Her hazel eyes, filled with tears of pain, bore right into me, "My cart just hit my shin."

I pushed the cart away and crouched down in front of her.  Her long tanned legs were right in front of me and I examined her shin.  I reached out and my hands wrapped around her silky calf, my thumbs gently rubbing her shin.

"I...think...I think you're going to have a bit of a bruise," I finally managed to say to her.  I took a deep breath and stood up, examining her smooth legs as I went up.  My mind couldn't help but wonder what she had under those shorts...

"Damn, that's going to suck."

"What?" I couldn't figure out if she'd said anything else, I was too busy in dreamland.  I let my mind wander to the shorts again.  Did she have panties on underneath?  What kind were they?  Or maybe she was commando...

"The bruise...it's bikini season," she looked at me like I was a total dumbass.  Oh right, she was talking to me.  I needed to stop letting little Alex do my thinking at the moment.

I don't think the look on my face at that moment helped much.  The mere mention of a bikini from this girl...I'm surprised I didn't start drooling.

She watched me for a few more seconds and sighed, "Okay then.  I have to finish up here, so have a nice night."

Damn.  I scared her.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and went back to my cart.  I couldn't concentrate on shopping any more though.  Her legs kept popping up in front of me.

I walked down the remainder of the aisle and turned into the next aisle.

"Try not to knock anything down this time," someone giggled.

I looked up and there she was again, inches away.  I'd just about run into her shopping cart again.  I really needed to start paying attention!

"You really should pay attention to where you are going."

Why the hell wasn't I saying anything?

"Sorry, it's been a long day.  You probably think I'm a complete jack ass?"

She slowly shook her head, her dark brown hair brushing the tops of her shoulders as she did.  I was a little surprised she hadn't recognized me yet.  Maybe that was a good thing though.

"I'm...Alex," I put my hand out to shake hers.  I decided that would be a safer bet than AJ.  I didn't want to set off any screaming tonight.  Well, not that kind of screaming.

She took my hand, "So is that what you go by when you're not working?"

Ah, so she did recognize me, "I wasn't sure you knew who I was."

"I wasn't sure at first...You weren't how I though you might be.  But how could I not recognize a Backstreet Boy?  I'm Samantha, by the way."

"Nice to meet you Samantha.  Midnight grocery shopping?"

"I was bored.  Plus, I just got home and I needed to have something in the house."

"Need to make sure you have food to feed the boyfriend?"

Could I be any more obvious?

She shook her head again and I just watched her hair swing back and forth over her shoulders.

"No, but I was hoping to have someone over to cook for..."

She couldn't possibly be asking me out.  I'm the one that does that!  Get the fuck over it AJ, she's hot!  Fine, I'll play along.  This could be fun.

"Really?  Have someone in mind?"

She nodded and the grin on her face was...hot.  If I wasn't careful I might just have to do something right there in the middle of the grocery store.

"What do you say, Alex?  Wanna come over and I can cook for you?"

Damn I was really hoping that cook didn't actually mean cook.

She stepped closer to me, her face just inches from mine.  I could feel her breath on my face.

"Fuck..." I whispered under my breath.  I got a hold of myself then and shook it off, "I have to..shopping...food."

It was useless.

That was the day, or night really, that I met Sam.  Damn I got lost in that woman.

The grocery shopping I was supposed to be doing?  Never got done.  Well, not that night anyways.  We got a few necessities, and we were out of there pretty fast.

Who would've thought that I would end up with a two year relationship from that one meeting in the grocery store at midnight, let alone a son?

People ask me sometimes if I would change things if I could go back.  Honestly I'm not sure.  I wouldn't have Tucker if I hadn't gotten involved with Sam.  On the other hand, I wouldn't have had to put up with Sam all this time.  Too bad the relationship didn't stay good.