Left and Leaving
Prologue

So tell me nothing matters less or more
Say whatever we think actions are
We'll never know what anything was for
If near is just as far away as far
And I'm permitted one act I can save
I choose to sit here next to you and wave
-The Weakerthans “Manifest”

“In LA for a year?” Nick Carter asked as he sat down in his plush office chair. He ran a hand through his blonde hair. He was staring out the window of his home in Tampa, Florida. Holding his cell phone to his ear, he spoke to his band mate on the other end, Kevin Richardson.

“Yeah.” Kevin replied. “We'll record the new album and maybe do some promotional shows. The bulk of it will be done in LA though.”

Nick nodded, looking around the walls of his office. After being on a two year hiatus, the Backstreet Boys were finally ready to start recording another album. Nick had done his own thing for a while and had even put out his own solo record, but he couldn't deny the fact that he was excited to be back with the other boys. “Promo shows?” Nick asked.

“Nothing too extreme.” Kevin replied. “Just some intimate shows, mostly with older songs but maybe if some of the new stuff gets finished we can do some of that too.” He explained.

Nick nodded, he liked the sound of that. Not only would it help the fans get reacquainted with them, but it was also help he and the others get back into the swing of things. “That's a really good idea, Kev. What do the others think?”

“They think it's a good idea as well.” Kevin said. “It'll be nice to tour again.”

“Yeah, definitely.” Nick agreed.

“Of course it'll be a little different. It'll be just us, as opposed a more elaborate show with dancers and that sort of thing.”

Nick considered that for a moment. “Like the unplugged thing?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

Nick grinned. He'd quite enjoyed playing smaller venues on his solo tour, and was excited about the prospect of doing the same thing with the others. “That's awesome!”

“So we'll probably record some stuff in LA for about six months, maybe do a couple of shows there, do some touring, and possibly head over to Sweden. The whole thing should take about a year, maybe more.” Kevin told Nick, giving him a breakdown of what the process of creating their next album was going to be like.

“Sounds great.” Nick beamed. Music was definitely his passion, and being in the studio was something he'd always enjoyed. “When should I come down to LA?” He asked.

Kevin paused for a moment, and Nick figured he was looking through his date book. Nick chuckled a little. Kevin was always organized and had his life scheduled down to the minute. “Can you be here in a month? That should give you some time to tie up any lose ends back home before you leave.”

A month? That was a bit more notice than Nick usually got. “A whole month?” He asked, a little shocked.

“Yeah.” Kevin said, laughing a little. “I know, it seems like an eternity, doesn't it?”

“Do you remember when we were given a days notice before we had to be somewhere?” Nick laughed, still a little shocked by how different their lives had become since they'd recorded Millennium and Black and Blue.

“Well, things are a little different now.” Kevin explained. “We've got families and that sort of thing.”

Nick couldn't argue with that. Things really had changed. “Yeah, alright.” He said. “See you in a month, then.”

“Talk to you later, Nicky.” Kevin said before hanging up.

“Bye.” Nick said, flipping his cell phone closed. He stretched out and gazed around the room once again. Numerous gold records and awards graced the walls. He only hoped that with this new album, he'd be able to add to that collection.

Left and Leaving
Chapter One

Twenty three year old Camille Northam sat in her Western Civilization class staring at the clock on the wall. The minutes seemed to go by ever so slowly, as all she could think about was the fact that her friends were taking her out for her birthday that evening.

On the surface, she was just a normal girl. Originally from Boston, she'd moved down to Tampa nearly a year prior on account of her boyfriend. Soon after she and Nick had started dating, he'd asked her to move down to Florida to live with him. Their relationship had moved and progressed rather quickly, but Camille didn't mind much. Though she'd liked growing up in Boston, her life in Tampa surpassed it by far. She'd made a number of friends at school, and of course there was the matter of the boyfriend. All in all, she was glad she'd packed up and left Boston, and started her academic career in Florida.

Finally, her class ended. It wasn't that Camille didn't enjoy school, quite the opposite actually. She just found that particular Friday to be dragging on, especially since it was her last class of the day.

As she left the lecture hall, she walked through campus and towards another building to meet up with her friend, Chris. Chris was Nick's best friend, however since he went to University with Camille the two of them had become close as well.

“Cam!” Chris called as he spied her walking towards the University Centre, where the two of them usually met after class.

Camille turned her head upon hearing her name. Her face broke into a grin as she saw Chris running towards her. “Hey!” She said. “TGIF.” She laughed as they walked towards the parking lot to Chris's car.

“Happy twenty third.” He said, giving her a quick hug. “You coloured your hair!” He commented, referring to the fact that her natural chestnut brown hair was now a dirty blonde colour.

“Yeah.” She grinned, absentmindedly touching her hair which was pulled back into a ponytail. “I kind of got bored with the other colour. Nick really likes it.”

Chris laughed, that was typical. Nick had always had a thing for blondes. “Of course he does.”

“Are you going to come over to our place and go to the bar with us?” Camille changed the subject as she and Chris got into his car.

Chris just shook his head as he turned on the radio and fiddled with the stations. “Nope. I'm going to go home and get ready. I'll just meet you guys there.” He said. “Besides, I'm sure Nick wants to get you alone before you go out.”

Camille nodded and looked out the window. She was quite curious to open the gift Nick had bought for her. It had been sitting on her desk for the past couple of weeks, taunting her. Nick had clearly stated (he'd even written on the wrapping paper) not to open it until September 26th. “Yeah, I want to open my present.” She said. “Are you sure you don't know what he got me?”

Chris rolled his eyes. Ever since Nick had given her the gift, she'd been bothering him to tell her what it was. So far, she hadn't been able to coax it out of him. “I really have no clue.” Chris said, which was partly true. Nick had mentioned that he'd bought Camille some sort of girly jewelery item, but he hadn't quite gone into the specifics. “Even if I did, you're probably going to find out in half an hour. Do you really want me to spoil the surprise?”

“I guess not.” Camile replied, admitting defeat.


Unlocking the front door of the house she and Nick had shared for the past year, Camille looked around. Usually, Nick was sitting in the front room watching television when she got home from school. “Nick?” She called out.

Upon hearing her voice, Nick came rushing down the stairs. “Sorry, Cam! I was in my office.” He explained. “Did Chris give you a ride home?”

“He always does.” She replied. “So, can I open my gift now?” She asked eagerly.

Nick grinned. Though he'd been enjoying watching her pine for her birthday present for the last little while, he was equally as excited to watch her open it. “Well, I don't know. Is it September 26th?” He asked coyly.

“I'm pretty sure it is.” She said, running to their bedroom.

Nick smiled to himself and followed her. Her childlike excitement for her birthday was definitely adorable.

As Camille tore the wrapping paper off the present, she pouted a little. “This is a box of hamburger helper, Nickolas.”

Nick sighed, he'd figured she'd be less than pleased about that. “It's just the box, I had to disguise your gift some how. I promise it's not hamburger helper.”

Camile gave him a strange look, but opened the box anyway. Her eyes widened at what she saw. A flat box from Tiffany's. Though she knew better, part of her hoped that maybe...

But upon opening the box, she saw that it was only a necklace. A nice necklace, yes. But not at all what she'd actually wanted. “Thanks.” She said forcing a smile. “It's really pretty, Nick.”

Nick had known Camille long enough to know when she wasn't entirely pleased with something. Though his instincts told him not to push the issue, he couldn't resist. “You thought it was an engagement ring, didn't you?”

“No.” Camille lied. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. She'd known that it wasn't going to be. However a girl can hope, can't she?

Nick sighed, he could see right though her. He didn't know why she would have expected that at all. He'd made the terms of their relationship quite clear, or so he'd thought anyway. “You and I went through this already.”

She rolled her eyes. How much she hated hearing those words. Nick's lack of commitment and willingness to move their relationship forward irritated her to no end. It wasn't that she wanted to be married to him right away (perhaps that wasn't completely true. Had he asked she wouldn't have been opposed), just the fact that he wasn't willing to marry her ever bothered her.

Camille knew it wasn't something she should be taking personally. Nick's aversion towards marriage wasn't for her and her alone. He'd said that he didn't want to get married at all, to anyone. Still, it bothered her that he'd taken the idea completely off the table without giving things a chance at all.

“I know, Nick.” She said, not wanting to get into another useless argument. “I love you.” She said, giving him a hug and a light kiss on the cheek.

“I love you too.” He replied, moving to kiss her more deeply, but she pulled away.

“I need to start getting ready.” She explained. “We've got to leave to meet everyone in an hour.”

Nick nodded, but couldn't say he was pleased. Still, it didn't surprise him. Ever since the new school year had started Camille had been less than affectionate to him. Though he understood that school was stressful, it was starting to grate on his nerves just a little bit. He could only hope that once she'd been out with her friends and loosened up a little, that she'd be more than willing to be intimate with him again.


Nick gulped down another drink as he watched Camille laugh and talk with her friends. He was always bored hanging out with the girls from her University. They always talked about school and Nick never knew what to say to them.

“Don't look so down, Nick.” Chris said as he approached the table.

“Chris!!!!” Camille shrieked, getting up from her seat and hugging him tightly. “I didn't think you were going to make it!”

Chris laughed, evidently they'd already been there for a while because Camille was already getting giddy from the alcohol. “Yeah, because I'd miss your birthday party.”

“I know you totally wouldn't.” She giggled, sitting back down with her group of girlfriends.

“Seems like you guys have been here for a while.” Chris chuckled as he sat down beside Nick. “I would have figured you'd be late.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Nick scoffed. “Yeah, sure.” He said bitterly, staring at his now empty glass. He was definitely not in the mood to talk about his sex life, or lack thereof.

“What?” Chris asked, wondering what was causing Nick's attitude. He'd talked to Nick earlier that day, and he hadn't seemed upset before.

“Nothing.” Nick sighed. “Things have just been a little dry lately.” He explained, thinking that perhaps Chris would have some tips on how to get Camille back into bed with him.

Chris nodded. “Well, school just started. Things are busy. She's probably just stressed out.” He said, trying to rationalize Camille's actions. As far as he knew, she and Nick weren't having any problems in their relationship. Even if they were, Chris was sure Camille would have talked to him about it. “Though from the looks of it, she'd not to stressed out right now.” He said, nudging Nick a little.

“Yeah, hopefully.” Nick replied, and decided to change the subject. “So, I'm moving back out to LA for a while.”

Chris gave Nick a surprised look. He hadn't heard anything about the possibility of Nick moving. “What for?”

Nick waved the waitress over to their table. “Recording another CD with the other guys.” He said to Chris, and then turned to the waitress. “Two Coronas.”

“So you guys are getting back together then?” Chris asked, and Nick nodded. “Wow. Good for you guys.”

“Yeah, it should be good.” Nick agreed, happy to have someone he was able to talk to at the table. “It'll be nice to be back in the studio and working. I've been kind of bored lately.”

“Nick!” Camille promptly interrupted their conversation. “We're going to do shots, are you in?” She asked, walking up behind him and putting her arms around his shoulders.

Nick grinned at Chris. Perhaps the night wouldn't be a total loss after all. “You bet.”


“God, that was so much fun!” Camille said, flopping down on hers and Nick's bed once they arrived home.

“You know what would be even more fun?” Nick asked as he climbed on top of her and began to plant kisses over her face.

Camille groaned. After being out all night all she really wanted to do was sleep. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to Nick, far from it. She was just overly tired and very much wanting to sleep off all the alcohol she'd consumed.

“Not tonight, Nick.” She said, giving him a quick kiss and gently pushing him off of her. “I'm way too tired.”

“Just like every other night.” Nick muttered under his breath. Luckily, Camille didn't hear him. She was far too concerned with changing and going to sleep.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Two

Camille awoke the next morning with a sick sense of dread. She had two papers to write, and she was definitely feeling the effects of the night before. Rolling over, hoping to maybe catch another few minutes of sleep she noticed that was alone in the bedroom. This was quite unusual, as Nick usually slept in rather late.

Feeling as though she may well get up and start her day, she trudged out of bed and walked down to the kitchen. Upon entering, she noticed that Nick was on the phone. Not wanting to bother him, she quickly grabbed an apple off the table and went to go sit in the living room.

When Camille had walked into the room, he'd stifled his conversation. He knew that when he told her about his plans to move she'd be less than impressed. The last thing Nick wanted was for Camille to stumble up on that fact without him bringing it up to her first. Of course, he really had no clue how to approach the subject.

Once Nick was sure he was out of earshot, Nick continued his conversation. “Yeah, I'm probably going to just buy a place in LA or something.” He continued, peeking out of the kitchen, making sure that Camille couldn't hear him.

AJ, who was on the other end seemed to agree with Nick. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Well, my family mostly lives out there, and we'll be there all the time recording anyway.” Nick rationalized. It seemed like a logical move on his part.

“Is Camille going to move with you? You guys have been together for a while now.” Camille had been Nick's first serious girlfriend since he'd broken up with Mandy, and as far as AJ knew things were going quite well between them.

“Um.” Nick hesitated. Camille moving down to LA actually wasn't a thought he'd considered. He'd figured she'd want to stay in Florida on account of school and all of her friends. Though, now that Nick thought about it, Camille didn't really have too much of a choice. She'd either have to move with him to LA, or she'd have to move back to Boston to stay with her family. She didn't have a job, and Nick had been supporting her for the last year that they'd been living together. Not that he minded at all, he enjoyed living with her. “I haven't asked her yet.”

“Oh.” Was all AJ said in return. He knew better than to pry into Nick's personal business. “Well, I guess we'll see you in a few weeks.”

“Yup.” Nick replied. “Later, J.” He said before hanging up the phone. Getting up from his seat, he wandered into the living room where Camille was sitting in front of the TV.

“Good morning.” He said, sitting down beside her.

“Hi.” Camille replied, glancing at him. She knew she was supposed to be working on homework and such, but first thing in the morning she really just wanted to relax before getting down to work.

Nick looked at her. She didn't seem happy at all lately. The smile that she usually wore on her face had been replaced with a dull pout. She looked overly stressed lately and it bothered Nick a little that he was going to have to add to that stress by asking her to move. However, he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Besides, he really did want to go to LA. He's been waiting for quite a while to get back into the studio with the other guys, he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity.

“I love you.” He said, trying to make her perk up a little. He moved over and started to kiss her neck, but before he could move up to her lips she pushed him away.

“I love you too.” She replied, getting up from the sofa. “I have a paper to write for Western Civ.” She explained, walking towards the bedroom.

Nick sighed. Once again, his attempt at getting intimate with her had failed miserably. Understanding that she was under a lot of stress because of school, he hadn't pressed the issue. However, he was starting to get quite impatient.


Camille sat hunched over her computer with her elbows on the desk and her fingers nearly digging into her skull. She'd been working on the paper all day, and she felt as though she was getting nowhere. She'd written it twice already, and both times she'd felt as though it wasn't good enough.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Nick knocked softly on the door. “Cam?”

She sighed, and reluctantly got up to answer him. “Hey.” She said, opening the door and the promptly sitting back down at her desk. “What's up?”

Nick shrugged. “You've been working on that paper all day.”

“I wrote it twice.” She said sadly. Ever the perfectionist, she wouldn't give up until she felt it was exactly the way she wanted it.

Nick's eye widened. He'd never been to University, but to his understanding a paper only had to be written on time. “Why?” He asked.

He sighed and glared at him, it was quite obvious he didn't understand the stress that school was dealing her. “Because it wasn't good enough the first time.” She said. “And it wasn't good enough the second time either. So I have to write it again.”

Nick nodded sympathetically. Though he didn't quite get Camille's undying need to overachieve in school, he understood the fact of wanting something to come out the way it was envisioned. “That sucks. Can I read it? Maybe I can help you.”

“Sure.” She said, though she didn't quite think Nick would be able to help very much. “I'll e-mail them to you.”

“Oh, also, I know that you're busy but Chris called and he wants to know if you want to go see a movie or something tonight.”

Camille thought about that for a moment. She'd been working for well over eight hours, and felt she deserved a little bit of a break. Plus hanging out with Chris always seemed to cheer her up. “Yeah, that sounds like fun.” She said, grinning.

Nick couldn't help but feel a pang of jealously. Camille was always up to hanging around with Chris, yet she couldn't find an hour of time to dedicate to their relationship. “Okay, I'll give him a call.”


“Ugh, I just slaved over it all day!” Camille exclaimed when Chris asked her how her paper was going.
The three of them had gone to see a movie, and were now just sitting around in a local coffee shop. Nick had suggested this, knowing that once he and Camille got home she would just lock herself in the bedroom again.

Chris chuckled. “I'm sure it's fine. You should just hand it in how it is.”

Camille shook her head. That was definitely not an option. “Uh, no.”

“I'm sure it's better than you think it is. Besides, the more you work on it, the more you'll get burnt out. I think you should just hand it in.” He said, trying to offer some insight into the situation. He understood where Camille was coming from, being in University himself.

“I guess that makes sense.” She muttered, taking a sip of her iced coffee. She looked up and flashed Nick a small smile. She really was glad he'd offered to take her out with them, it had helped immensely with getting her mind off of her school stresses.

“See! That's what I've been telling her, but of course she doesn't listen to me.” Nick said to Chris. His voice had a joking tone to it, but there was some truth in what he said. Camille always listened to Chris and took in his advice. Whenever Nick offered his opinion Camille usually got offended and frustrated with him. It was starting to get to the point where he barely tried any more.

“Well Chris is in University.” Camille explained, draping her arm around Nick's shoulders and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “He knows these things.”

“Plus she likes me better.” Chris joked, blowing Camille a kiss.

Nick laughed. Chris's constant flirting with Camille never bothered him as he knew it was only joking around. Camille had stated time and time again that she and Chris were only friends. Besides, Nick held a large amount of trust in the two of them. Chris was his best friend, and had been long before he and Camille had started dating. There was no doubt in his mind that the two of them wouldn't do anything behind his back.

Camille pouted. “Hardly.” She said, giving Nick a kiss on the lips as if to show Chris where her affections truly lied. Though she was beyond stressed out because of school and the fact that Nick wasn't willing to take things any further in their relationship, she really did love him (more than she liked to let on). After her conversation with Nick about him not believing in marriage, she'd really been less affectionate with him. She hadn't felt any desire to be physical with him, because she really was still harboring some resenting over the issue. Though she'd told Nick she understood and could deal with the matter, she wasn't quite over it yet. She figured with time she'd come to terms with it, but as it stood she still felt rather annoyed with the whole situation.

Although, she knew how Nick's mind worked. She hadn't slept with him in nearly a month. Sooner or later, he was going to start asking questions, and if she didn't start giving him what he wanted she worried he would go find it elsewhere.

For those reasons, Camille forced herself to go through with it and have sex with Nick once they got home. The thought crossed her mind that she should talk to Nick and tell him why she hadn't quite been up to it lately, but she'd quickly dismissed it. She didn't want to start another argument that would just lead to nowhere. Besides, Nick had been overjoyed and quite enthusiastic when he'd realized that his attempts were not going to go without reward. Still, as they went to fall asleep, Camille couldn't help but lay awake and wonder if she could somehow talk to Nick without it ending in a screaming match.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Three

When Nick awoke the next morning, he noticed Camille sleeping soundly beside him. He smiled a little to himself, feeling happier than he had in quite a while with regards to her. This was of course due to the fact that she'd finally accepted his advances the night before.

Still he felt uncertain. Camille was not going to be happy when she realized that she was going to have to move. Nick was dreading telling her, but he had to let her know. It definitely wouldn't be fair to let her know at the last minute. The deadline was fast approaching, and Nick was procrastinating. He'd avoided telling her for the past two days. Hell, he'd even told Chris.

Truthfully, Nick was surprised Chris hadn't said anything to Camille about it. Though he'd probably figured that she already knew. Still, it wouldn't have been out of character for Chris to ask Camille how she was feeling about the whole situation. He seemed to always be quite interested in the specifics of the relationship. Not that Nick minded really, he figured it was good for Camille to have someone to talk to. Someone who was neutral, and friends with the both of them.

Either way, Nick knew he was going to have to tell her. And when he told her, she was going to flip out. He sighed, and his thought drifted to a much simpler time...

“Nick!” Camille said, clinging to his chest. “It's cold.” The two of them were standing outside in the snow, with nothing around them but the cool night air.

“You're the one that said they wanted to spend New Years at a ski resort.” He laughed, putting his arm around her.

“I know, but that doesn't mean I'm not cold!” She protested. “How are we going to know when it's midnight?”

“I brought a radio.” Nick said, fumbling with the dials and trying to find a station. “Maybe they'll have a countdown or something.”

After a few minutes, Camille giggled. “Why don't you just check your watch?”

Nick cringed as he checked the time. “It's twelve ten.”

Camille laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “So we missed it?”

“I guess we did.” He laughed. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She grinned, amused by the fact that they'd actually managed to miss midnight.

Nick snuggled up to Camille, holding her tightly against him. He tried to catch another few minutes of sleep before he had to talk to her. Camille woke up slightly as she felt Nick's arm around her, but quickly fell asleep once again.

That is, until the phone rang.

“It's your cell.” Nick muttered as the loud ring tone pulled him out of his slumber.

Camille groaned and got out of bed, running to the living room to answer her ringing phone. Looking at the call display, she noticed that her friend Brittany was the one that was trying to get a hold of her.

“Hey, Britt.”

Nick could faintly hear Camille talking on the phone in the other room. Whenever Brittany called, it was never a good sign. Either she had some sort of problem going on, or she phoned to brag about something. That, and she wasn't exactly a fan of Nick's so that made things even more uncomfortable for him. His ears perked up a little as he heard her talk to her friend.

“Oh...wow!” Camille said, sounding somewhat shocked. “Congratulations.”

Camille walked into the bedroom holding her cell phone to her ear. Nick closed his eyes and pretended as though he was still asleep.

“So, how did he ask you? Yeah, that is weird considering we were just talking about this stuff just the other day.” She said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, beside Nick.

Nick groaned inwardly. From the sounds of it, Brittany had just gotten engaged. He was definitely not looking forward to the impending discussion that was sure to follow. So, he just continued to pretend to be asleep as Camille talked on the phone with Brittany.

When Camille hung up with Brittany, she sighed to herself. Brittany's boyfriend had been having the same issues as Nick, not ever wanting to get married. However, it sounded as though he'd changed his mind. Why couldn't Nick do that? “So... Brittany got engaged.” Camille said, looking over at Nick.

Nick continued to keep his eyes closed.

Camille rolled her eyes. “Nickolas, I know you're awake.”

Nick still didn't move. Maybe she wouldn't press the issue if she figured he didn't want to be bothered.

However, Nick's attempt at ignoring the situation didn't exactly work. She fiddled with her hands, trying to find the right words to say to him to get him to understand. “Nick, I just want-”

Taking a deep breath, Nick opened his eyes. It appeared as though Camille wasn't going to give him a break. “I know you want you want.” He said, still lying down. “We already talked about this.”

Camille grew frustrated. She'd known that was the answer she was going to hear, so what had even been the point in bringing it up? Nick wasn't going to change his opinion on the matter anytime soon. Still, it bothered her that she felt as though she had to go along with it. “It doesn't make any sense though.”

“It makes perfect sense.” Nick mumbled, closing his eyes once again, willing the entire fight to go away. “I'm not a marriage kind of guy.”

“Why not?!” She asked, still not understanding his reasons in the least.

Nick suddenly sat up, causing Camille to jump off the bed. “Because! I told you I don't believe in marriage. Why is that so difficult for you to understand?”

Camille rolled her eyes and stood with her hands on her hips. “Oh I don't know. Maybe I pictured myself having a future with you.” She said sarcastically. With that, she walked over to the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

“I never said we couldn't have a future.” Nick replied irritably. “I just don't want to have to sign something that says I have to be with you for all time!”

Camille shook her head as she pulled on her clothes. She didn't really know why she was making such a big deal out of the whole situation. She had Nick had only been dating for roughly a year, it was hardly a decision she wanted to make any time soon. Still, she found herself rather annoyed with the fact that he had the attitude that it would never be a possibility. All it did was make Camille feel as though she was wasting her time.

“I'm going out.” She said, grabbing her purse off her desk and walking out of the room. She didn't quite feel like talking to Nick any more at that moment.

Nick flopped back down on to the bed. So much for telling her.


“So she just stormed out?” Chris asked that evening. Camille had left in such a hurry, and Nick had no idea where she'd gone to. He figured she'd gone over to Brittany's house, so when Chris had called him he'd been more than willing to have him over. Chris always seemed to get through to Camille, maybe he could talk to her about the whole situation.

“Yup.” Nick replied, staring blankly at the TV.

Chris shrugged. This whole marriage issue seemed to be causing a multitude of problems for Camille and Nick. Before she'd mentioned anything about it to him, they'd seemed to have a perfectly fine relationship. As far as Chris could tell, at least. “You guys seemed fine.”

“I know!” Nick exclaimed. If it hadn't been for Brittany and Camille gushing over weddings and such, and then her bringing up the issue to Nick, only to have him promptly shoot it down, they probably would have been okay. Instead it had escalated into a huge drama. “And I haven't told her we're moving yet.”

“Wait.” Chris said, turning to face Nick. “She doesn't know you're going to LA?”

“No.”

Chris sighed. “But you're going to take her with you?”

Nick shrugged. He really did want to take her with him, but only if they were able to solve the impending issue at hand. “Yeah. I guess. If she wants.”

Chris nodded, though he figured things were going to get much worse before they started to get better. “Do you want to go get some food?”

Nick considered that for a second, and then quickly shut off the TV. “Sure, let's go.”

Camille had spent the entire day at Brittany's house, generally complaining about Nick and whatnot. Though she suspected Brittany wasn't listening to her very much and was instead wrapped up in her own thoughts about her upcoming wedding. After a while she'd become bored and had eventually decided to go back home. Perhaps in time she'd get over the whole issue.

As she walked down the street she looked up and noticed Chris and Nick walking towards her. She sighed to herself, knowing that Chris was probably going to make her and Nick talk to each other. So, as she walked towards them, she tried to nonchalantly move past them unnoticed.

It didn't quite work. Chris put his arm out to stop her from getting past him. “We're going for dinner. Come with us.” He said.

“I don't want to.” Camille replied, annoyance in her voice.

“Well that's too bad.” Chris chuckled, putting his arm around her and nearly forcing her to accompany them. Camille glared at him, but she ended up walking with them the short distance to the restaurant.

It was delightfully awkward. Chris and Nick chatted a little about nothing in particular. Camille silently sipped on a glass of Coke, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.

“Look, you guys need to talk.” Chris finally said, once the table was filled with silence. “There's no reason to throw this away because you had a disagreement.”

“It's not just a disagreement.” Camille said under her breath. “It's kind of a big thing.”

Chris nodded, trying to understand where both of his friends were coming from. “Yeah, it is. But why can't you just enjoy your time together now, and not worry about the future?” He asked, directing the question more towards Camille than Nick.

“Because.” She simply said.

“Because what?” Nick pressed, and Camille glared at him. Apparently she didn't feel as though he was a part of the conversation.

“Because.” She continued, looking at Chris. “I don't want to be in a relationship that's not going to go anywhere.”

“But I love you.” Nick tried once again, and this time Camille looked at him with sadness instead of anger. “Isn't that enough?”

“I don't know.” She whispered. She didn't really know what she wanted anymore. She hated the fact that this was ripping them apart when a little over a month ago things had been perfectly okay between the two of them.

Chris sighed and looked at Camille and Nick. The two of them were just staring at each other, neither one really knew what to say. If they couldn't make it past this issue, how were they going to fare when nick eventually brought up the subject of moving?

Left and Leaving
Chapter Four

The next day went on as usual. She and Nick had come home from their outing without another word to each other. At least on the subject of their future. They’d made small talk and that sort of thing, but once again their relationship returned to the cold nature it had achieved in the last little while.

When Camille finally arrived home from school that day, she saw Nick sitting on the computer in the bedroom. Curious, she peeked over his shoulder. Nick hardly ever went online, and when he did it was usually to stalk message boards. Camille always found the posts amusing, particularly those that talked about hers and Nick’s relationship.

However to her surprise, Nick wasn’t surfing Live Daily at all. He was looking at a real estate website. “What are you doing?” She asked.

Nick nearly fell out of his chair. He hadn’t heard her come up behind him, he hadn’t even realized that she was home from school. “Um…” He stammered, trying to think of a way to phrase things so that she wouldn’t be too upset. “We’re moving.” He simply said, cringing a little.

Camille nearly felt her heart stop as Nick said those words. They were moving? Where, and for what purpose? She didn’t want to move at all! Everything in Florida was perfect, moving would cause far too much trouble. “What?” She asked flatly.

“Yeah.” Nick said nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “We’re moving. To LA.”

“To LA?!” She nearly shouted, staring at Nick. Why hadn’t she heard any mention of this before? He’d been the one that told her to move down to Florida, so why was he suddenly asking for them to move? Granted, it had been a little over a year since she’d moved, but still! “I don’t want to move to LA!”

Nick sighed. While he would should have cared a great deal about how this would have affected her, after the way they’d been arguing for the last little while he didn’t really stress over it too much. “I have to.” He simply said.

She glared at him. Why on earth did he have to move to LA? That didn’t seem to make any sense at all. If he had work to do, couldn’t he just go there and come back? He certainly had enough money. “Why?” She asked, her voice pleading. “Why could you possibly have to move?”

He looked over at her. She was now sitting on the bed, her arms angrily folded over her chest. He had to admit he did feel kind of bad, he hadn’t meant for her to find out so suddenly. “I need to record. We’re doing a new CD.”

Camille took in this information and stared at the ground. That still didn’t make much sense to her. If Nick had to record, why did that cause him to have to move? “So? Why do you have to move? Why can’t you just go there for a bit?”

“Because I’ll be busy for a year or more!” Nick exclaimed, getting frustrated with her lack of understanding. “There’s no point in me having the house! Besides, I said we were moving. Not just me.” He pointed out, hoping that would make her feel better.

That made her feel a little better. At least Nick wasn’t totally abandoning her. At least he wanted her to move with him, that was a good sign, right? Still, she couldn’t just pick up and leave! She’d just started the new school year.

Though if Nick was leaving, she didn’t have much of a choice. Nick was her means of support while she was in Florida. If he left, she’d have to go back home to Boston. She was stuck either way. “I can’t….school…” She muttered.

“Switch to a school in California.” Nick shrugged, not seeing that as a big deal at all.

“You can’t just do that, Nick!” Camille exclaimed suddenly. Nick didn’t understand anything about school at all, and it irritated her quite a bit. Admittedly, it wasn’t the life he was used to, but she felt that he should at least try to learn for her sake. “You can’t just pick up and switch in the middle of the semester.”

“Then what are you going to do?” Nick asked her angrily. Once again he’d given her a solution, and once again she’d turned it down. He was beginning to question why he was even still trying. It seemed like nothing was ever good enough for her. “Either you move with me, or you go home. Either way, you have to go.”

She rolled her eyes. Why was Nick acting like such a jerk? He really didn’t seem to care about her well being at all. It was like he was only thinking about himself. “Why are you being such an ass?” She asked him bitterly. “Last I checked, we were supposed to make major decisions like this together!”

Nick laughed a little at that. He didn’t have to consult her on every decision he made. Especially ones that had to do with his career. His career that he’d had since long before he’d ever known Camille. “I don’t have to consult you on everything to do with my career, Cam.” He said bitterly. “You’re not Kevin.” He added, hoping that would make her laugh a little, and understand where he was coming from.

It didn’t make her laugh. “Well what the hell, Nick?” She screeched, standing up and pacing around the room. “You expect me to live with you, and be in a relationship with you, and yet you still expect to be free and able to make decisions on your own?”

Nick rolled his eyes. They were in a relationship, yes. However Camille knew that Nick didn’t like the idea of being tied down. In fact, hadn’t that been the base of their fights for the last few weeks? “We aren’t married.”

That made her upset. How dare he throw that in her fact after all the arguments they’d had lately. She didn’t feel it was fair of him at all to bring that up. “Obviously.” She spat, still pacing around the room while Nick sat lazily in the computer chair. “But that doesn’t mean that our relationship means nothing.”

Nick’s mouth nearly dropped open in shock. That had been the exact point he’d been trying to get across to her ever since she’d started this entire marriage ordeal! “Wow, you finally get it.” He said sarcastically. “Still, this is my job. You knew what my job was when we started dating, you knew that I would eventually have to go back to it.”

“I still don’t see why you have to move!” She shouted at him, going back to the original topic at hand. The last thing she wanted to discuss was the impossibility of them getting married.

“There’s no point in having the house!” Nick shouted back at her. “Look, you have two options.” He said, narrowing his eyes. “You can either come with me to LA, or you can move home to Boston. Either way, you can’t stay here. Not unless you get a job and start making your own money.” He said.

Camille shook her head. Her situation had been ideal, she’d been able to go to school in a place she liked without having to worry about spending time on a job she didn’t care about. Now it seemed as though her easy life was coming to an end. Feeling frustrated and alone, she stormed out of the bedroom. This left Nick to continue looking at house in LA online, barely giving what had just happened a second thought.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Five

“I hate him!” Camille sobbed as she sat on the couch in Chris’s apartment. As per the usual, she ran to the arms of a friend whenever she was upset about something. She didn’t particularly feel like going to complain to Brittany, as she’d just recently gotten engaged. Camille didn’t feel as though she really wanted to talk with her about her problems with Nick because of that fact.

So, she’d decided on Chris. He knew Nick as well as (or possibly better than) Camille did. If anyone could explain to her what was going on in Nick’s head, he could.

“You don’t hate him.” Chris said with a sigh, watching as Camille sat with her head in between her knees.

“Yes I do!” She spat, still hugging her knees to her chest. How could Nick do something like this to her? She wanted to say that it was unlike him to be so rash and uncaring, but in reality that wasn’t true. While Nick hadn’t ever done anything of this magnitude before, it wasn’t completely unheard of.

Chris rolled his eyes. As much as Camille stated that he despised Nick and no longer wanted anything to do with him, he knew that she was only upset. Of course the thing that was making her upset was the fact that she was hopelessly in love with Nick, and it seemed as though it was only one sided. “You’re just mad at him.”

“Well obviously I’m mad at him!” She said through her tears. “He’s making us move!”

“Nothing says you have to move.” Chris tried to reason with her.

“Everything says I have to move!” She shot back. “I have no money, so I either go back to Boston, or I go to LA with Nick. Either way, I can’t stay in Florida. But I can’t leave Florida because the school year just started. Basically, I’m fucked.” She complained, glaring at Chris. Not that it was his fault at all, but he was in the closest proximity at the moment.

“Well, why don’t you think about getting a roommate?” Chris asked her. He had to admit, he felt sorry for her. She really didn’t deserve what Nick was putting her through. Nick should have told her they were going to move before she’d started school.

“With what money?” She snapped. “I’m taking six courses, Chris. I have like, no time to get a job.” Camille sighed. Her situation with Nick had been more than ideal.

Chris thought about that for a moment. Camille was doing well in all her classes, he didn’t want her to throw away all of that on account of Nick’s stupidity. “You could move in here with me.” He offered.

Camille considered that for a second. She liked hanging out with Chris, and his solution did make sense. “I can’t pay you rent.” She said.

Chris shrugged. “That’s fine. It’s not going to cost me any more to have you here.”

Camille gulped. She didn’t know how well Nick would take to the fact that she was going to move in with another guy. Especially since Nick had assumed that she would be joining him in LA. “Yeah…um okay.” She agreed.

Chris nodded and patted her on the back. “See? Now things aren’t so bad, are they?”

Camille gave him a slight nod. While they had solved the problem of her staying in Florida for the time being, that still didn’t change the fact that Nick was leaving. She sighed, that in itself was another problem entirely.


An hour or so later, after Camille managed to compose herself she and Chris made their way back to Nick’s place. She had to admit, she was feeling a little better about the whole situation. She now had one problem solved.

As the entered the house, they were greeted with Nick staring blankly at the TV screen. Though, he didn’t so much greet them as he only gave a slight nod in their direction. Still, Chris and Camille joined Nick in the living room.

“I think I might have an answer to your problem.” Chris said, though Nick was ignoring their presence.

Camille bit her bottom lip, worried about Nick’s reaction.

Chris continued. “Camille will stay with me.”

Nick thought about that for a moment. Chris and Camille were good friends, and it would probably be best for her to stay in Florida to finish her schooling. Besides, Chris was his best friend, and if he trusted him. He’d definitely make sure Camille was taken care of. “That’s actually a really good idea.”

Camille was somewhat shocked at Nick’s reaction. She wasn’t sure how he was going to take that, but she certainly hadn’t expected him to warm up to the idea so quickly. “Really?” She asked in disbelief.

Nick nodded. It made sense to him, problem solved. After all, it was what she wanted, wasn’t it? “Yeah, of course.”

Camille forced a smile. She wasn’t sure why she wasn’t thrilled Nick wasn’t upset about the whole thing. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t seeing the fact that they were no longer going to live together, and that he was going to live across the country. “I guess I’m not going to go with you to LA then…”

Nicks shrugged. Judging from her reaction earlier that day, he hadn’t really expected her to move with him. She hadn’t seemed at all enthralled by the idea. “I guess not.”

Somehow, his statement made her a little sad. He didn’t seem to care at all that he was leaving her. He wasn’t getting jealous about her moving in with another guy, and he didn’t appear as though he was going to miss her at all.

Chris left shortly thereafter, leaving Nick and Camille to discuss the current situation at hand. Nick couldn’t really be bothered, as he figured it was a done deal. Camille was moving in with Chris, and he was moving to California. It seemed to be the best plan for everyone involved.

“So, when are you leaving?” Camille asked slowly. She didn’t really want to start an argument, however she did want to get everything out in the open.

“I don’t know, a few weeks.” Nick replied. He was still looking absentmindedly at the TV.

Camille sighed. Nick wasn’t even willing to talk about the status of their relationship, so what was the point in trying any longer? Still, she pressed on. “I guess after that we won’t see each other for a while.” She said sadly.

“You can always come visit me on weekends.” Nick said, hoping that would make her feel a little better.

She shrugged. “It’s not really the same though. I kind of got used to seeing you everyday.”

That struck a nerve with Nick. If she was so upset about him leaving, then why couldn’t she just join him? The fact that she had school didn’t seem to matter to her as much as the fact that he was moving away. “Well, you’re the one that choosing to stay here.” He said angrily.

“Because I need to finish this semester!” Camille exclaimed, annoyed that she’d been right. Her innocent question had turned into an argument, just as she had predicted. “You think I want you to leave?”

“I’m not having this fight with you again.” Nick said, standing up. “You can come find me when you’re ready to make this work.” With that, he left the room and headed upstairs.

Camille was seething. From her perspective, she was the one that was putting the most effort into the relationship. How dare Nick say something like that to her! She hated the fact that lately, everything was turning into a fight for them. How were they going to managed when he was hundreds of miles away?

Left and Leaving
Chapter Six

The next couple of days proved to be quite stressful for Nick and Camille. They went about their own business, not really talking much to the other person. Nick went on with his preparations to move, as did Camille. It seemed as though this was the beginning of the end for their relationship.

Nick really didn’t know what to do or say to her. He was definitely upset about the fact that he was going to be leaving, while she was choosing to stay in Florida. He hadn’t expected her to stay. He’d really thought that after she complained about it for a bit, she would have given in a moved to LA with him. Unfortunately, that had not been the case. Sure, Nick was happy that Camille was now able to stay and finish her schooling in Florida like she’d wanted, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to miss her. Though, the fact that they’d been on the outs lately but a bit of a damper on that feeling.

The two of them were stubborn in their own ways. Neither of them wanted to apologize or be the first to admit that they were wrong. Add to the fact that they both thought they were in the right, making for some high tension among the two of them. Nick couldn’t see a much of a solution that didn’t involve either one of them giving in.

Camille didn’t want to leave Florida because her semester had just started. However, Nick figured that once her semester was over, she would be able to join him in LA and continue her schooling there. It was definitely something to think about, and perhaps she wouldn’t be opposed to the idea. After all, she wanted to live with him, didn’t she? To him, it seemed as though she enjoyed living in Florida more than she enjoyed living with him.

Still, it was worth a shot.

“Cam?” Nick asked, as he poked his head into their bedroom. She was laying on her stomach on the bed, listening to her headphones as she read through a textbook. Nick stepped into the room and sat down beside her. Gently touching her back, he glanced at the book she was reading. He had to give her credit, he didn’t understand half the things she was learning in University.

Camille pulled off her headphones and glanced at Nick. What could he possibly want? “Hi.”

“I was just wondering…” Nick started slowly. “Your semester is over in December, right?”

She nodded, wondering what he was getting at. “Yeah. December fourteenth.”

“Well, why don’t you move to LA with me when you’re done?” Nick suggested, hoping that this would ease the awkwardness between them. “That way, we’ll only be separated for like… a month.”

Camille considered that for a moment. Even if she did move to LA with Nick, it would only be for a short time considering that he wasn’t going to stay there for very long. Once they were finished with the album, there were probably going to be promotional tours and that sort of thing. If she went to LA, she’d be stuck there and alone while Nick was away on his tours.

As much as she loved Nick, and as much as she wanted to be with him it would only be for a short time until he had to leave again. She couldn’t just throw away her whole life in Florida to stay in LA with him for a few months.

“I don’t know, Nick.” She replied.

Nick’s face fell. It had been the perfect solution. “Why not? It makes perfect sense.”

She shrugged. “Not really. I’d move there, and then as soon as I got settled you’d be leaving again to do promo stuff.” She explained, turning back to her book and putting her headphones back on.

Nick sighed angrily and pulled her headphones off. He was sick of her avoiding their issues. If she wanted things to be fixed, she had to be willing to talk to him and come up with a compromise. “I want to fix this.” He said firmly.

She glared at him. “Fix what? Everything is fine, you’re leaving and I’m staying. I’m not throwing away all of my friends for you.” She replied, anger evident in her voice. After giving him one final look, she put her headphones back on and returned to her reading. Though she was happy that Nick seemed to care a little more about their situation than she’d thought he did, it still annoyed her that all his solutions seemed to be convenient only for him.

Frustrated, Nick left the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. There was no way he could see their relationship working for much longer with the status of things at that moment.

***

“Did you get your paper back from Western Civ yet?” Brittany asked as she and Camille walked around the University campus together the next day.

Camille only shrugged. She didn’t really feel like talking about school very much, especially since she didn’t think she’d done such a great job on that assignment. “No.”

Brittany gave Camille a strange look. Usually she was eager to get into a conversation about her homework assignments. She’d always enjoyed discussing what she was learning. “Cam? You okay?”

Again, Camille shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t really want to burden Brittany with her problems, especially since it seemed like she had her life on track. Still, she couldn’t get Nick out of her head. Maybe it would help to talk with someone about it. Someone who wasn’t Nick’s best friend. “No.” She replied honestly.

“Is it Nick?” Brittany asked cautiously. She’d known that Nick and Camille were having issues about the whole marriage idea, but she figured it wasn’t really a big problem.

Camille sighed. “Yes. Last week he just dropped this huge bomb on me saying that we’re moving to LA… and when I told him I didn’t want to go he just acted like he didn’t give a shit at all.” She said bitterly. Nick was confusing the hell out of her. One minute he acted like he didn’t care, the next he was coming up with solutions to get her to LA with him. He didn’t make any sense at all. If only she could understand what was going on in that head of his.

Brittany thought about that for a moment. “Well, maybe he’s kind of shocked. I mean, you were pretty quick to move down to Florida, weren’t you? You guys haven’t been going out that long.”

“I guess. But he can’t just expect me to move around with him everywhere he wants to go!”

“Especially since he’s not willing to marry you.” Brittany added, remembering her conversations with Camille and her annoyance at Nick’s attitude towards marriage.

“Exactly.” Camille said, figuring that it was unfair of Nick to ask so much of her when he wasn’t even willing to give her a solid commitment in return. “Exactly.”

Brittany smirked. “You should tell him that.”

“Tell him what?” Camille asked, confused. Every time she brought up the marriage subject, it resulted in an argument. Surely Brittany knew that by now.

“Tell him that you’re not going to move with him unless he’s willing to make that commitment to you. That’s fair, isn’t it?”

Camille considered that. It made a bit of sense to her, since Nick was asking her to do something she didn’t want to do, it was only fair that he gave her what she wanted as well. Unfortunately she couldn’t see that conversation going over very well. “I guess I could try that.”

“It’s worth a shot.” Brittany said, putting her arm around her friend. “What have you got to lose?”

“Nick.” Camille said sadly. Though they were having their fair share of problems lately, she still loved him and wanted to be with him.

“True, but if he’s not really to compromise, do you really want to be with him anyway?” Brittany reasoned.

“I guess not.” Camille said, though she still wasn’t exactly sure it was such a good idea.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Seven

When Camille arrived home from school that evening, she searched around the house for Nick. He was nowhere to be found. That figured, since she was now actually willing to talk with him about their relationship issues. After looking around for a few minutes, she looked out the back window.

There was Nick, sitting on the back porch, staring out longingly at the ocean. She had to wonder what sort of thought crept into his mind as he sat there. There had been many a night where she would often catch him sitting outside, alone. He never told her what he thought about, only that he simply enjoyed the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore and the wind blowing softly in his face.

Well, he didn’t quite use those words, but he did enjoy being out on the beach. Camille knew that much. Hell, anyone who had read a teen magazine in the late 90’s knew that much. However, it still did little to get her inside Nick’s head.

She slid open the glass doors and joined Nick out on the deck. Silently sitting down beside him, she placed her hand over his. He glanced at her, offering a small smile. It was moments such as this where Camille remembered just how much she loved him. Regardless of the fact that he’d been somewhat of an ass to her lately.

Nick continued to stare out at the scenery in front of him. He had to admit, that he really was going to miss living in Florida. Sure, California had its beaches, but the shoreline of Tampa would always be home to him. Still, that wasn’t enough reason for him to keep a house that he wasn’t going to set foot in for over a year.

Sitting wordlessly with Camille brought a calm feeling to Nick. It wasn’t like the silent tension they’d had over the last few days. More of a sad, loving silence. For once they were able to sit together and just be with each other, without worrying about whatever circumstances may be at the moment. It was those days that Nick longed to get back.

After quite a few minutes passed, Camille finally broke their much cherished peace. “I love you, Nick.” She whispered, not looking at him, but rather, looking at her feet instead.

Her words didn’t bother Nick. In fact, it was just what he’d needed to hear. They’d been fighting for weeks, and he was sick of it. By the tone of her voice, he could tell she was as well. She hadn’t come out there to start another argument. Instead, she’d sat with him as something of a peace offering. “I love you too.” He said, turning his head to look at her.

Feeling Nick’s eyes on her, Camille looked up and stared at him. She didn’t dare say anything else, for fear of breaking the moment. Nick inched his face towards hers, and before she knew it, he was kissing her.

And it wasn’t just any kiss either. It was the kind of kiss that told her he really did love her, even though he’d been acting like a jerk. The kind of kiss that you see in the movies, where people cheer from the back row right before the credits rolled. The kind of kiss that didn’t ask for anything in return.

When Camille pulled away from Nick, she swallowed a little. She knew she had to talk to him, and that they had to sort things out. It scared her, knowing that things could potentially go down a bad road again. That wasn’t what she wanted, she wanted to fix things. Just as Nick had intended to the day before.

But Nick surprised her. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a complete dick.” He said.

She studied him for a moment. Nick was rarely the first to apologize whenever they had a fight. In fact, the only time he had was when he was trying to get make up sex out of her. However, he looked pretty sincere. If he’d wanted sex out of her, he would have tried to go further when he’d kissed her earlier. But he didn’t. “Yeah, you have.” She said, unable to shake the small amount of bitterness in her voice.

Nick wasn’t fazed. “I should have told you sooner that I was moving. I just knew that you weren’t going to be happy about it.”

“I’m not happy.” Camille said, agreeing with him. There was no way Nick could have soften that blow for her. However, it would have been better if he’d at least discussed it with her, rather than telling her it was a done deal before she’d even had a chance to stomach the information.

“I really am going to miss you.” He said, pulling her into his arms.

“I’m going to miss you too.” She said quietly, burying her face in his chest. In all the stress that had surrounded Nick leaving, she’d begun to forget the fact that he was actually going to be gone. Ironic as it was.

Nick gently touched her face, searching for some sort of answer to what he was feeling. How had they managed to let things get so bad between the two of them? “Is there anything I can say to get you to come with me?”

Camille shook her head slowly. She couldn’t imagine living in LA. She didn’t know anyone there, and had no idea what Nick’s life would be like once he got there. For all she knew, he’d be busy all the time and not have much time left for her. Besides, as she’d decided before, she wasn’t just going to pick up and move her entire life just for him. Not without some sort of commitment from him.

Oh there was something he could say alright, but Camille highly doubted that telling him that would result in anything good.

Still, Nick was able to read her mind. After all, they’d had dozens of arguments about the subject. He knew damn well what would get her to change her mind. That still didn’t mean he was going to say it, or even consider it.

They’d never really talked about it though. Nick didn’t know her reasons for wanting to get married, and Camille didn’t really know his reasons for not wanting to. All talk on the subject had been harsh words and screaming matches. They’d never sat down and talked about it.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Nick said, finally. “You’re thinking, ‘If Nick said he would marry me I would go with him.’”

Camille avoided his eyes. Why was it that he always knew what she was thinking? She knew that she was supposed to tell him that, yes that was exactly what she wanted. Either he puts a ring on her finger, or she was going to leave him. But she didn’t want to do that. Not after they’d finally had a nice moment with one another. “Yes.”

Nick sighed. Part of him felt like giving in, just to make her happy. However he knew that would just make him miserable. “You know I can’t do that.”

“I know.” She said softly, still avoiding his gaze.

“But do you know why?” Nick said, gently tilting her head up to face him. “I just don’t believe in it. It doesn’t make sense to me, to have someone tell you that you’re forever tied to one person. Isn’t it better if I stay with you because I decide to? Not because the government tells me that I have to?”

Camille thought about what Nick said. For a moment, it seemed to make sense to her, and it almost seemed romantic. Then again, it really wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear. After all, nearly every girl dreams about their wedding day and Camille was no exception. To be told that it simply wasn’t going to happen upset her a great deal. “I guess that makes sense.” She replied, nodding her head. “But don’t you think there’s something to be said about a couple that believes in themselves enough to last forever? To stand up in front of everyone they know and declare their love for one another?”

Nick shrugged. He couldn’t really argue her point, but that didn’t mean he was going to change his mind. Either way, he still felt it was much too soon to even be talking about this. After all, they’d only been together for a year. And if the past little while had been any indication, they still had a lot of work to do on their relationship without even beginning to think about that sort of commitment. “Yeah… I don’t know, Cam. I’ve never seen myself as being married. I’m only 23…”

She shook her head. Admittedly, she’d gone a little crazy over the whole thing. They were still pretty young, as was their relationship. “I’m not asking you for a ring, Nick. I’m just saying, don’t rule out the possibility completely.”

Nick nodded slowly. That was fair enough, he didn’t know what was going to happen between them in the future. Perhaps it was unfair of him to use the word “never” when talking to her about marriage. “Okay. I won’t rule it out. But just know that it ever does happen, it won’t be for a long, long time.” He told her, noticing the grin start to creep up on her face.

Camille sighed happily, feeling as though she’d gotten through to him, just a little bit. She hugged him tightly, knowing that a major issue in their relationship had been solved. At least for the time being. “I love you.” She said.

“I love you too.” Nick replied, glad to have finally cleared the air with her.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Eight

Once Camille and Nick were able to somewhat fix things with each other, there was a much happier atmosphere in their home. Of course, they still had the matter of packing up the place. That was a huge chore in itself. Camille didn't have that many things, just a dresser of clothes and some random textbooks. But Nick had a ton of things he'd accumulated over the years. Downsizing his possessions so that everything would be able to fit into the smaller sized place he was getting in California was proving to be quite the daunting task.

So, Nick and Camille spent the next few weeks packing up the place and getting everything prepared for their moves. Camille tended to drag her feet a little, knowing that once everything was packed up and done, there was no turning back. Nick was really leaving.

Nick did the majority of packing himself, since Camille still had school to attend. He found it to be somewhat relaxing. It allowed him to be alone with his thoughts, and look back on old memories he'd long forgotten.

Like the boxes of tour memorabilia back from when they were first staring out in Europe. Or all of the copies of the videos that Kevin liked to take as he “documented their journey”. Nick smiled as he looked over those things, hoping that with this new album they would be able to relive that experience and create new memories.

Of course he'd stumbled upon a few things he'd rather have forgotten. A large box of Willa's things that could be promptly thrown out. Likewise with some of the God awful outfits he'd worn over the years. Just what had he been thinking? He laughed a little to himself as he dug through those old memories.

He really was going to miss Florida, and had almost started to reconsider selling the house. Though, he really did want to get a taste of the life in LA. Though he'd spent a lot of time there over the years, he hadn't actually lived there. He figured that it would be nice for a change, and ease him back into the celebrity life that he'd somewhat ignored in the last year.

He wondered a little about how Camille was going to adjust to that. Since he'd started dating her, he'd been laying low in Florida. He didn't do too much, just relaxed at home and occasionally went out on his boat. He really didn't know how she was going to deal with him being busy most of the time and possibly ending up in the media once again. Nick cringed at the mere thought of the tabloids. What were they going to say once they caught wind of their comeback?

Those thoughts were quickly dismissed when he heard Camille walk in through the front door. He figured she would be in a good mood. It was the end of the week, and she'd finished all of her midterms. Soon enough, Nick's thoughts were confirmed.

“Hi Nick!” She said happily, planting a kiss on his cheek. “Did you have a good day?” She asked, kneeling down beside him as packed the last few things into boxes.

Nick shrugged. “I guess.” He said. His day had been fairly average. However, looking at Camille, he could tell she was just itching to tell him about her day at school. “Did you?”

She grinned, shoving some papers in his face. “I got an A!”

Nick glanced at the papers for a second before he realized what Camille was talking about. Of course, the essay that she'd had to write and had been so stressed out about! “See? I told you you'd do fine!”

“Mmmhmm...” She said, kissing his lips softly. The realization was starting to hit her. Come Monday morning, Nick would be gone. She would be able to take advantage of moments like this any longer. She would have to rely on phone calls and the occasional weekend visit. “You want to go upstairs?” She asked seductively.

Nick didn't have to be told twice. Without wasting any time, the two of them were making their way to the bedroom, stopping every couple of seconds to kiss one another.

Nick pushed Camille down onto the bed, quickly crawling on top of her. Just as he leaned down to kiss her once again, the phone rang.

“Leave it.” Camille instructed, pulling Nick down and kissing him forcefully.

“I can't.” Nick said reluctantly, getting up. “It could be the Realtor.” He explained, hurrying out of the room.

“At four in the afternoon on a Friday?” Camille called after him, but it was no use, the moment was gone. “Ugh.” She groaned, pulling a pillow over her face. Nick could be so frustrating sometimes!

Nick rolled his eyes when he looked at the Caller ID. For a second he thought about just going back to Camille. Then again, he'd already left her. He figured he may as well answer the phone. Even if it was just Chris calling. “Hey man, what's up?”

“Not much.” Chris answered. “Just wondering if you wanted to go out with some people tonight. You know, sort of like a goodbye party thing.”

Nick chuckled to himself. “And you couldn't just come inside and ask me this when you dropped Cam off because...”

“Because she was so excited about the mark she got on her paper I figured I'd give you guys some time alone.” Nick could practically hear Chris winking on the other end of the line.

“Yeah, thanks for those five minutes.” Nick said bitterly, beginning to walk back to the bedroom. “I'll have to ask Camille if she wants to go.” He said, entering the room and sitting down beside her.

“Who's on the phone?” Camille wondered, knowing that it couldn't be the Realtor.

“Chris.” Nick mouthed, causing Camille to grin.

“Ooh, gimmie!” Camille said, snatching the phone away from Nick. Nick sighed, so much for Camille being upset about the phone call. Leave it to Chris to ruin any chance he had of getting laid that afternoon.

“We're totally up for going out tonight!” Camille grinned, looking at Nick for approval. Nick shrugged. He wasn't exactly going to turn down a night of drinking with his buddies. Especially since he was going to be leaving them shortly.

“Great, I'll pick you guys up in a couple of hours.” Chris replied.

“Thanks, Chris!” Camille giggled, hanging up the phone. And, just like that, she walked out of the bedroom.

“Where are you going?” Nick called after her, annoyed that his chances of sex had been thwarted for the time being.

“To get ready for tonight.” She called back, then poked her head into the bedroom. “You want to join me?”

“Why would I want to-” Nick began to ask her, and then stopped mid sentence, realizing what she had been implying. “Oh! Yeah!” He said, jumping off the bed and following her to the bathroom.

**

“What time does your flight leave on Monday, Nick?” Mike, Brittany's fiancée asked him. A few of them had gathered in a small bar in downtown Tampa. As stressful as the next couple of days were going to be, Nick was grateful to be able to have one last get together with his and Camille's friends.

“Nine in the morning.” He said, rolling his eyes. If he would have had it his way, he wouldn't be leaving until much, much later in the day.

“That's early!” Brittany exclaimed. “Why didn't you take a later flight?”

Nick shrugged. “Not my decision. Kevin wants us all there bright and early.”

Chris laughed and patted Nick on the back. “Good old Kevin. Aren't you excited to have to answer to him again?” He joked.

Nick frowned, he didn't even have to think about that answer. “No.”

Throughout the evening, Camille found herself growing more and more quiet. All the conversation did was remind her time and time again that Nick was leaving her. When it was just the two of them, she could ignore it, and pretend it wasn't happening. She could stay late at school and not have to help with the packing By the time she did get home, she would spend most of her time in the bedroom, which was the least cluttered with boxes.

When there had originally been a month left, there was now only a matter of days. Though she was happy things had seemed to get better between the two of them, she regretted the fact that they'd wasted so much time arguing. Her only hope was that with Nick being gone, he would being to realize how much he missed her, and either come back home or put forth more effort into the relationship.

One could only hope.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Nine

The weekend went by rather quickly. All of Saturday was spent loading boxes into a truck to be taken to Nick’s new home to LA, as well as moving Camille’s things to Chris’s apartment.

Once the house was empty, Nick and Camille spent Saturday evening alone in the house together. It was somewhat romantic, being all by themselves in a big empty mansion. The spent the evening eating dinner (on the floor because all the furniture was gone) and lounging around the beach.

When Sunday night finally rolled around, Camille could feel a sense of dread. She kept looking at the clock and thinking “At this time tomorrow, he’ll be gone.” It really put a damper on their last night together. Not that it could have been that exciting, as Nick was staying at Chris’s place until he flew out.

“Are you excited about doing another CD?” Camille asked Nick, a tone of bitterness in her voice. She didn’t know why she felt so angry with him, it wasn’t his fault that he and the others wanted to further their careers. Besides, she’d known quite well that their break was only temporary and they would be going back into the studio. Nick had mentioned that a number of times.

“Yeah.” Nick replied with a small smile. He could tell that Camille was upset, and the last thing he wanted to do was fight with her. He had a long day ahead of him, and didn’t want to deal with that kind of unnecessary stress.

“Do you think the others are excited too?” She asked, wanting to talk with Nick but not really sure what she should say. Other than begging him to stay, of course.

“I don’t know.” Nick admitted. Kevin had seemed happy about it on the phone, but he wasn’t sure about the others. Especially Brian, who had become quite the family man over the past few years. “I hope so.”

Camille sighed, and swung her legs over Nick’s lap. The two of them were going to be alone for all of thirty minutes while Chris ran out to pick up dinner. She leaned into kiss him, and he responded eagerly. But when she tried to pull him down on top of her, he quickly backed off.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair. Though he definitely didn’t want to stop, he didn’t think it was right to be sleeping with his girlfriend in his best friend’s apartment.

Camille pouted. This was the last time they were going to see each other until her semester was over. Nick didn’t seem to understand that, or at the very least he didn’t seem to care. “But Nick…” She whimpered, pulling him in for a kiss again.

Nick sighed. “I can’t. It’d just be too weird. What if Chris comes back?”

Camille rolled her eyes. Chris had just left, and she was sure there was enough time for at least a quickie. Besides, they were in her room! Technically, she was living there, so what did it really matter? “So?”

“I just don’t want him to walk in on anything…” Nick trailed off, not really wanting to have this awkward conversation. He wanted to enjoy his last evening of freedom, before Kevin put him to work again.

Camille rolled her eyes. Nick’s excuse wasn’t exactly concrete. “I’m pretty sure Chris knows that we’ve had sex.”

Nick scoffed. “Yeah, well I’m pretty sure I don’t need him to hear it.”

Camille just stayed silent for a moment. She really wasn’t in the mood to fight with Nick, especially since his flight was leaving in…fourteen hours. She sighed, and accepted defeat. “Fine.”

Nick hated that. That answer that girls gave when they wanted you to think everything was okay, but it really wasn’t. That pleasing fake answer that would only come back to bite him in the ass later. “Look, you think that I don’t want to? I just find it really, really awkward to do it in Chris’s apartment!”

“I said it was fine.” She replied sweetly.

Nick took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “Don’t pull this with me, Cam. Not before I go.”

She gave him a look. Somehow, it was easier for her to be angry with him. That way, it was easier for her to accept the fact that he was leaving. If she’d been happy with him, it would have made things worse. Still, she didn’t want to fight with him either. Better for him to leave on a good note than a sour one. “I’m sorry, Nick.” She said, giving him a hug. She swallowed, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over at any moment. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He replied softly, kissing the top of her head. Though, her getting overly upset wasn’t much better than her being angry with him. Why couldn’t she just relax and enjoy their last evening instead of making it overly dramatic?

Still, Nick held her while she clung to him and cried. For the entire time Chris was gone, it was the same thing. Camille would cry, she would ask Nick to stay, he would tell her that she knew he couldn’t, and then she would start to cry again. Nick had to say, he was quite relieved when he heard Chris walk through the door. Somehow, his presence always managed to cheer Camille up.

“Hey guys?” Chris called as he set the food down on the kitchen table.

“In here.” Nick replied. Camille pulled away from him, wiping her eyes. Maybe some of the Chinese food Chris had brought back would make her feel better.

Chris hesitated before pushing the door open to Camille’s room. “Are you guys clothed?” He asked cautiously.

Nick rolled his eyes and got up from the bed. Camille immediately followed him. “Yes.” Nick said with a laugh, pushing past his friend and heading to the kitchen. “Kick ass, I’m starving.” He said, grabbing a plate out of the cupboard and promptly opening all the containers.

“Me too.” Camille mumbled to herself, as she watched Nick pile food on to his plate.

Chris offered Camille a smile. “You doing okay?” He asked.

She nodded, put the frown didn’t leave her face. “Yeah.” She lied. She really didn’t want to talk about the issue anymore. For now, all she wanted to do was eat dinner with her roommate and boyfriend. She would deal with the issue of Nick leaving her the next morning.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Ten

And I'm leaving
With goodbye
And I'm losing
But I'll try
With the last ways left
To remember sing
My imperfect offering
The Weakerthans - “Aside”

Camille squeezed her eyes shut as she felt someone attempting to nudge her awake. “Go away.” She mumbled.

Chris sighed, sitting down on the bed beside her. It didn't surprise him that Camille was still sleeping, even though Nick had woken up nearly an hour earlier to get ready to leave. “Come on, Cam.” Chris said, shaking her lightly once again. “We're almost ready to go.”

“I don't want to go.” She said, rolling over and attempting to go back to sleep. She didn't think she would be able to handle a tearful goodbye at the airport. Especially after she and Nick had ended the night bitterly. “Tell him I said 'bye'.”

“If you don't come with us, you're going to regret it.” Chris said, turning on the light in the room. “We're leaving in ten minutes.” He finished, before walking out of the room. He had to admit, he felt bad for her. After they'd gone to bed, he could hear the two of them arguing, even though he could tell they were trying to be quiet about it.

Camille reluctantly got up and started getting dressed. Chris was right, she knew should wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she didn't accompany Nick to the airport. But something about saying goodbye to him and watching him walk through the security gates seemed so...final. She doubted that she'd be able to keep it together once he was gone.

Grudgingly, she walked out of the bedroom and met Chris and Nick, who were sitting in the living room. “Morning.” She said glumly, sitting down beside hey boyfriend.

“Morning.” Nick replied, kissing her on the cheek. “Did you sleep okay?”

Camille nodded, though it wasn't entirely true. She hadn't fallen asleep until around four in the morning, and it was now seven. Suffice to say, she was tired. “Did you?”

Nick shrugged. “Yeah.”

The three of them sat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence while Nick finished his coffee, as well as when they drove to the airport. Camille didn't really have much to say, she didn't want to start another fight with Nick, and there really wasn't anything she could say to make him change his mind. Nick was far too busy daydreaming about getting back into the studio and meeting up with the other guys once again. And every time Chris tried to make conversation, it ended up falling flat.

So, they shared silence for a good half an hour.

Once they arrived at the airport, Nick was able to check his bags and get his boarding pass. Then, all they had to do was wait for his call.

Nick and Chris chatted about random things. They joked about the bad airline food, and the flight attendants. The usual things guys talk about. Camille continued to sit quietly, not really knowing what she could say to Nick. So she sat beside him, not uttering a word, but still tightly gripping his hand.

It didn't take long before Nick had to go through the security gates. He quickly nodded a goodbye to Chris, and turned to Camille. “Are you going to miss me?” He asked with a grin, trying to get her to crack a smile.

She didn't. “Obviously.”

“Hey, it'll be okay.” He said, giving her a hug. “I'll see you soon.”

“Not for like, a month and a half.” She said glumly. There was nothing Nick could say that would make her feel any better. Even if he'd gotten down on one knee right then and there, it still wouldn't have changed the fact that she wasn't going to see him until Christmas time.

Nick gave her a kiss before heading through security. “I love you.” He said softly.

“I love you too.” She replied half heartedly. All she wanted was for this to be over with, why was Nick insisting on dragging it out.

“I'll call you when I get there.” He said, as he walked away from her.

“Bye.” She whispered.

Nick handed his pass to the security guard, and moments later, he was gone. Camille stood and stared for a second, hoping he would come running back out, declaring his undying love for her and that he was going to stay in Florida after all.

It didn't happen.

“You want to go get breakfast somewhere?” Chris asked, as he and Camille started to walk out of the terminal. She shook her head. “Come on, my treat.”

Camille just shrugged. “Whatever.” She said.

Camille and Chris continued to walk in that same uncomfortable silence that had plagued them on the car ride. It bothered Chris a little, usually Camille was a more vocal person than this. “I know it's probably a stupid question, but are you okay?” Chris asked her once they were seated at the TGI Friday's that was located inside the airport.

“I'm fine.” She replied.

But Chris continued to pester her. “It's weird, Cam. Why aren't you getting upset?”

She glared at him. As far as she was concerned, she thought she was doing rather well! She didn't need Chris sitting there telling her that he wanted her to cry. “I've been upset for the last month about this. Obviously I kind of got prepared for this day.” She said bitterly.

“Okay, okay, sorry.” Chris said, turning to look at the menu. As he did this, he noticed that Camille was staring down at the screen of her cell phone, probably hoping Nick would call. He probably wasn't on the plane yet, since it was only 8:20.

He sighed. It bothered him to see her this way. She was obviously upset, and unfortunately he knew how things were probably going to play out between the two of them. “Just so you know, whenever Nick goes away on tour or whatever, he usually ends up breaking up with whatever girl he's with...” Chris said slowly, not wanting to upset her, but also wanting her to know what was probably going to end up happening.

“Thanks, Chris.” Camille said sarcastically. “That really helps a lot.”

“I mean, I hope it doesn't happen between you guys.” Chris defended himself. “I just wanted to let you know what's happened in the past.”

“Whatever.” Camille replied, no longer wanting to talk about Nick. She sighed to herself. Was it too early to order a drink?

**

Nick leaned back in his seat as the plane started to take off. He had to say, he was pretty excited about what was to come. He hadn't been in the studio with the guys since they'd recoded Black and Blue, which felt like decades ago. It would be nice to see everyone again.

Though, he couldn't shake the worry he had about Camille. She'd been uncharacteristically quiet all morning and it concerned him. She hadn't cried, she hadn't begging him to stay. She'd just said...well, nothing. And it bothered him. He'd expected her to get upset and make a scene at the airport. The fact that she didn't made him a little uneasy. Was she accepting the fact that he was leaving? Or was she planning on forgetting about him once he was gone?

Nick sighed to himself, feeling a little regretful that he'd left things so sour with them. She'd asked him to sleep with her again last night, after they'd gone to bed, and once again he'd refused. And of course, this caused another argument between the two of them. Nick was now feeling as though he should have just given her what she'd wanted. Perhaps she'd still been angry with him, and that was why she'd acting so strangely that morning?

Nick glanced at the phone attached to the seat in front of him. For a second, he contemplated calling her, and attempting to fix things. But, he knew it would either just end in an argument or with her not saying much at all. So, he decided against calling her until he landed. Glancing out the window, he took once last look at the city beneath him before it was lost underneath the clouds.

Still, with all the problems he was having with Camille, he couldn't help but feel giddy over starting the next chapter of his career.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Eleven

Nick arrived in Los Angeles and quickly made his way over to the Sheraton. He would be staying there for a few days while his things were moved and his new place was prepared. He’d managed to sleep a little on the plane, so he wasn’t feeling quite as tired as he anticipated he would be. Looking down at his phone, he figured it was time to give Camille a call.

He still wasn’t sure what to think about her. He didn’t think he’d really done anything wrong. She’d known about his career, there was really no reason for her to be upset. Yes, he’d sprung the move on her a little suddenly, but that didn’t really merit her giving him the cold shoulder for the past month. Still, he figured that the only way to fix things was to continue to speak with her as often as he could.

Just as he was about to dial her number, his phone lit up and started to ring in his hand. Nick grinned ear to ear as he answered it. “Hey, Bri!” He said cheerfully.

“I take it you’re here?” Brian asked him.

“Yeah.” Nick replied, lying down on the bed. “I just got in.”

“Good thing, I’m meeting up with Howie for lunch, you want to join us?”

Nick smiled. Of course he wanted to join them! He’d been anticipating meeting up with the others again for the past month. “Sure. I’ll get a cab and swing by your place I guess.”

“Okay, see you in a little bit.”

“Yup, bye.” Nick replied, flipping his phone closed. He quickly checked himself over in the mirror, and headed down to the lobby to hail a taxi. In his growing excitement over seeing his band mates again, any inkling to call Camille had been forgotten.


For the rest of the day, Camille was silent and miserable. After she and Chris had gone out for breakfast, Chris had gone to the University for one of his classes. Camille had opted not to go to school that day. Instead, she went back to the apartment and collapsed on her bed.

She’d laid there with the intention to sleep, but that proved to be a difficult task. The sheets still smelled faintly like Nick’s cologne, on account on him sleeping there the night before. A thousand thoughts ran through her mind. She should have been in a happier mood when Nick left, she should have wished him well, she should have told him she would wait for him, she should have said that she would drop out of school and follow him.

Of course, she didn’t want to drop out of school, which was the whole reason for this mess. Besides, Nick hadn’t seemed at all upset that he as leaving. He had treated the night before as any other. He hadn’t acted as though he wasn’t going to see her until Christmas, he’d just been aloof. It seemed as though he didn’t care one way or the other.

In fact, it almost seemed as though he was happy to be leaving. That part made Camille angrier than anything else. She wanted to be able to support his decisions and career, but it was difficult when that career took him so far away. Of course she’d known the demands of his job when she’d first started dating him. Everyone in the world knows that singers are always busy either recording or touring. But, she hadn’t fully understood the implications until recently. Nick had been on an extended break, and she’d grown comfortable with that fact.

She’d half expected him to never go back to the studio. Truth be told, she’d secretly hoped for it. Not because she didn’t want him to be happy, but she simply wanted to be with him.

And now he was gone and that very fear had come true. Camille had her doubts about the whole situation, doubt she hadn’t dared approach Nick with. She could only imagine what his life was going to be like in LA. Parties upon parties with girls throwing themselves at him. It sickened her to think about, and as hard as she tried to push those thoughts out of her mind, they kept plaguing her.

She tried to focus on the good aspects, but as she soon realized there weren’t many. At least not from her perspective. Nick would record the album, he and the other guys would do promotional work for it, they would go away on a world tour… and Camille? Well, she would be stuck going to school, because stubborn as she was, she refused to follow Nick around the world and give up on her dreams without a ring on her finger.

Though, it didn’t make much sense. She was in University, but she had no clue what she wanted to do when she was done. She enjoyed school, and she enjoyed learning but most of her interest was in History and English. She had tossed the idea around of becoming a professor, but that would take many, many years of education.

Still, she enjoyed her stable student life quite a bit more than the hectic touring life Nick had told her about.

Nick Carter the Backstreet Boy just wasn’t her favourite person. Camille was almost afraid to meet him. It sounded silly, but that wasn’t really the person she’d grown to love over the past year. She loved Nick, the ocean loving, stupid joke cracking, closet romantic boy. She’d only heard stories about how he was on tour, and frankly, she was less than impressed.

Strangely enough, the way he’d acted over the past month was reminiscent of how he and Chris had told he her was back when Backstreet Boys were in their prime.

Clearly, Camille didn’t like it one bit.

Hugging the pillow tightly to her chest, she allowed a few tears to escape. She glanced around the room. There were a few things of Nick’s left over. The large fleece Tampa Bay blanket he’d let her keep, a t-shirt he’d left for her to sleep in and a solitary picture of the two of them sitting on her desk.

Camille picked up the picture and stared at it for a moment. It definitely was taken during a happier time, when she and Nick had nothing but love and happiness in their relationship. You could tell that they were in a good place in their relationship just by the looks on their faces. Camille sighed as she put the picture back down. If Chris had taken a picture of she and Nick that morning, what would it have looked like?

Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she glanced at the screen yet again. She knew Nick had to have landed by then, so why hadn’t he called her?

Perhaps he’d changed his mind. After the way she’d treated him that morning, could she really blame him? Maybe he didn’t really want to talk to her since she’d been less than chatty while they were at the airport.

Camille bit her bottom lip and though that maybe she should call him. She tossed that thought around for a minute, thinking that maybe he had just forgotten, or maybe he was sleeping, or maybe he was in a meeting.

Still, her overwhelming desire to talk to him at that moment won out on any worries she had about calling him. Quickly, as if not to change her mind, she entered his phone number and hit send.


It took a few seconds before Nick’s mind registered that his cell phone was buzzing in his pocket. Glancing down at the screen he mentally kicked himself. How could he have forgotten to call Camille? Knowing her, she was probably imagining all sorts of reasons why he hadn’t called her. Quickly, he excused himself from the table and answered his phone.

“Hey…” He said, hoping that she wasn’t too emotional.

“Nick!” She exclaimed. He couldn’t tell whether it was extreme distress in her voice, or extreme happiness. “I didn’t think you were going to pick up! Why didn’t you call? I miss you so much already…” She choked back a sob.

Nick nodded. Evidently, extreme distress was the right answer. “Sorry.” He said sincerely. He really had meant to phone her, and had only been distracted by Brian’s invitation to lunch. “I went out for lunch with Brian and Howie.”

Camille rolled her eyes. It figured as though something like that would come up. Would this become a regular occurrence? She hoped not, trusting it was only because he hadn’t seen his friends in a while. “Oh. How was your flight?”

“Good. I slept for most of it.” Nick replied, glancing back at his table. He really would have rather been back with Brian and Howie and hoped he wasn’t missing too much of the conversation.

“Oh.” Camille said, not really sure of what else to say to him. There was dead air for a few seconds. Neither of them knew what to say to the other, both having so much going through their minds and yet not knowing how to express what they were feeling.

“Hey, Cam? Look, I have to get going.” Nick said, still eager to get back to his table. Especially since Camille still didn’t seem very chatty. “I’ll call you later, I love you.”

“Bye.” Camille said quickly, before Nick hung up the phone. “I love you too.” She finished. With thoughts of Nick’s new life worrying her once again, she laid back down on the bed and tried to go to sleep.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Twelve

“You need to eat something.” Brittany said forcefully. The two girls were sitting in the cafeteria at the University. It had been about a week since Nick had left, and things weren’t getting much better.

The two of them had talked on the phone a little, but the conversations were nothing more than that of a couple of greetings and then more silence. Camille would start to tell Nick about her day, and he wouldn’t respond with much. Whenever Nick began to talk about what he was up to, Camille grew somewhat irritated and found she didn’t want to listen to it.

That, and every single time they’d talked was when Camille called him. He hadn’t called her once.

“I’m not hungry.” Camille replied, slouching in her seat.

Brittany rolled her eyes. “Look, I know you miss Nick. But you can’t keep doing this to yourself. He’s out there in LA having fun! You should try to have fun while you’re still here.”

“I guess.” Camille muttered, not really interested in what Brittany had to say. All she wanted was for Nick to show some interest in her. She didn’t quite understand what had gone wrong.

“Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.” Brittany prodded, feeling sorry for her friend. She hadn’t expected Camille to take Nick’s absence this hard. Especially since she’d been the one who decided to stay in Florida without him.

“I really don’t want anything.” Camille replied, taking her cell phone out of her back and looking at the screen.

Brittany took the phone from Camille’s hand and put it in her pocket. “Okay, well I’m just going to go buy two taco salads for myself and if you eat one, that’s okay.” She grinned, getting up from her seat and walking towards the counter.

Camille smiled a little at Brittany’s attempt to make her feel better. She had to admit, she was acting a little childish when it came to the Nick issue. She knew he was busy and probably excited to be with his friends again. However, she also didn’t think it was fair of him to completely ignore her.

Either way, there was nothing she could do about it at the time being. Brittany had taken her phone, and even if she hadn’t, she knew Nick wouldn’t be calling her. He was far too busy in the studio during the day.

***

Nick and the other four Backstreet Boys were sitting in a meeting that afternoon. The topic at hand was the direction that they were planning to take with the new album. However, after about an hour the original topic had been lost and they were now talking about random things. Not so coincidentally, this had happened around the same time that Kevin had stepped out of the room momentarily.

And once the conversation had drifted towards their own individual relationships, it wasn’t long before Nick was asked about Camille. It was still a bit of an uncomfortable topic for him, especially since he didn’t know the status of their relationship.

“So, how long have you guys been together now?” Howie asked, ruffling Nick’s hair a little. Nick quickly batted him away, not really wanting to reprise his role of “Nicky the youngest Backstreet Boy”.

“Uh, a year and a bit.” Nick said, playing with the water bottle in his hands.

AJ whistled. “Damn Nicky! I think it’s time to go ring shopping.”

Nick glared at him. That certainly wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. Of course, there was no way for the other guys to know that. “Shut up.” He muttered.

AJ laughed. “Chill out, Nick. I was only joking.” He said upon noticing the disturbed look on the blonde’s face.

Nick rolled his eyes. This was typical, the other guys would make a joke, he’d get offended and it would turn into a serious conversation. He sighed, sitting upright in his chair. “I’d really rather not talk about her, thanks.”

Brian raised an eyebrow. Nick wasn’t usually the type to keep his issues bottled up inside. “You guys having problems?”

Nick shook his head. What didn’t they understand about the fact that he didn’t want to talk about Camille? “No.” He answered simply, though anyone could see that it was a lie.

“Nick, you know that if you need to talk-” Brian started, but Nick cut him off before he could finish.

“Yes Brian.” Nick replied harshly. “I know what you’re going to say. If I need you, you’re here for me. But some things aren’t so simple.” He said angrily, before storming out of the room.

When he was far enough down the hall Nick took his phone out of his pocket and promptly dialled Camille’s number. He didn’t need the other guys giving him advice in relationships. Especially when they knew nothing about what was going on with Camille. The phone rang two times before an unfamiliar voice answered.

“Nick!” Brittany nearly shrieked. She’d still been waiting in line when she’d felt Camille’s phone vibrate in her pocket. Needless to say she was pretty floored when she saw that it was Nick calling. “Hold on, okay? I’ll go get her.”

Brittany ran back to the table and handed the phone to Camille. She still looked glum, but her expression completely changed once Brittany told her that Nick was on the phone.

“Nick?” Camille asked, shocked that he’d actually phoned her, in the afternoon no less! “How are you? What are you doing?”

Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I just missed you.” He said, looking at the walls around him. It would only be a matter of time before Kevin dragged him back to the meeting.

“I miss you too.” Camille said softly. This was the first time she’d heard him say those words, and she had it admit, it was nice that he seemed to miss her so much that he would take time out of his schedule to call her. “No work today?”

Nick laughed. “There’s always work.” He said. “I just got pissed at the other guys and needed to talk to you.”

Camille frowned. She didn’t think that sounded very good. Trouble in paradise already. “Why? What happened?”

Nick bit his lip for a moment. The reason that he was upset with the others was the fact that they’d been badgering him about his relationship. Perhaps it had made him feel a little guilty and that’s why he’d called her. Nick wasn’t really sure what to tell her, he didn’t really know himself. “It’s nothing. Just stupid work stuff. I just wanted to hear a familiar voice. I should really go back now though, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Camille replied before she heard Nick hang up. The fact that Nick had called made her feel quite a bit better, and by the time Brittany returned with their lunch Camille was more than willing to scarf it down.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Thirteen

That following Saturday evening, Nick sat alone in his newly acquired home. He had to admit, he felt rather lonely being there all by himself. It was strange how he'd grown so accustomed to having another person be in the same space as him. He was starting to feel a little bit of resentment towards his girlfriend. If she was as serious about the relationship as she'd led on, why didn't she want to move to LA with him? It didn't make much sense to Nick.

In the weeks leading up to his departure, she'd made it quite clear that she didn't want to be apart from him. She'd seemed to lose interest in school, and spent the bulk of her energy on trying to convince Nick to stay. That was another thing that didn't add up. The reason she'd wanted to stay in Florida was because of her education, wasn't it? So why had she so easily blown it off in an effort to be with him more?

The thought angered Nick, and only fueled his desire to push himself away from her. The way he saw it, she was sending him mixed messages. One minute she wanted nothing more than to be with him, the next she was being distant and giving him the cold shoulder. Every time he talked to her on the phone he found himself not saying much, or being quickly filled with the need to hang up. Things had clearly changed, and it wasn't at all for the better.

Still, Nick knew that there wasn't much time left for the two of them being separated. It was well into November by this point and Camille would soon be finished school for the Christmas break. Perhaps when she came out to visit him for the holidays, things would mend themselves. Or so he hoped, anyway.

As much as he felt as though he wanted to push himself away from her, he knew that all the problems didn't come only from Camille's end. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he'd acted pretty selfish as well. Pushing her away and never calling her probably wasn't helping their relationship along. Nick did love her, and he did want to fix things.

Sighing, Nick looked down at his phone and quickly dialed her number.

And, just as the last time he'd called, a voice that didn't belong to his girlfriend picked up. Instead, it was a voice that matched that of his best friend.

That evening, Chris had convinced Camille to go out to a local bar with him. It wasn't a big deal, just a couple of their friends from University were having a karaoke night to raise some money for their upcoming graduation. Camille hadn't really wanted to go, but in the end Chris had won out, saying that it would be good for her to go out and spend some time with friends.

As it turned out, Camille was having a pretty good time. Oh, she was a terrible singer, but that didn't stop her and a few other girls from taking over the stage and singing Spice Girls songs for the bulk of the evening. She'd even managed to forget about Nick for a little while and focus on having fun.

So, when Chris answered the phone, he decided it would probably be best if Camille didn't have to deal with talking to Nick. Especially since it seemed to cause her more stress and anguish in analyzing what he'd said, and how he'd said it, just like every other time they'd talked.

“Hey, Nick! How's LA treating you?” Chris answered quickly, glancing up at the stage. Camille and three other girls were still up there, doing the cheesy dance routine to “Stop”.

“Great!” Nick replied enthusiastically. As much as he hated the drama surrounding his relationship, he was having a pretty good time in California. That, and he didn't want to sound too distraught. He could hear noise in the background and he wondered what was going on. He assumed that Chris and Camille were out with friends. It shouldn't have been an issue, but it bothered Nick a little. There he was, lonely and and bored, and Camille was out having fun? “Is Camille around?”

Chris once again glanced up at Camille. Grinning from ear to ear and laughing as though she didn't have a care in the world, Chris knew that Camille didn't need the stress Nick was about to give her. “She's kind of busy with some of her friends right now. Is it okay if she calls you back?”

Nick frowned. Too busy to talk to him? And why didn't she have her phone on her? “Yeah, whatever.” Nick said lightly, before flipping his phone shut. He grabbed his keys off the counter near the door and headed outside, if Camille could have fun on her own, why couldn't he?

Chris looked at Camille's phone for a second. There really was no need for her to know about Nick's call, it would only upset her. So, he did what he thought was for the best. He deleted the record of Nick's call off her received calls list. What she didn't know couldn't hurt her, right?

Nick aimlessly drove around the stress of LA, not really sure where he was headed or what exactly he was doing. He looked out the window for something, anything interesting.

Nothing really caught his eye.

That is, until he stopped his car outside of a popular night club he'd frequented last time he'd been recording in LA. He offered a cocky smirk as the security guard let him in upon realizing who he was. This of course only made Nick feel more smug. He was Nick Carter, the best of the Backstreet Boys. If Camille didn't want to talk to him, there were tons of others girls that would.

It didn't take him long to find one, either. Just as he was chatting up a girl that wasn't able to keep her eyes off him, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.

Dismissing it, he quickly pressed the silence button and continued to flirt with the girl.

Until the phone buzzed again.

Nick sighed irritably and gave the girl a kiss on the cheek, telling her that he would be back as soon as he told the “moron on his phone” to quit calling him.

Moving to a more secluded section of the club, answered his phone. And it wasn't anyone he wanted to talk to either.

AJ. Enlightened, perfect, club hating AJ. Certainly not Nick's favourite person, especially when he was out trying to party have have fun. AJ always liked to try to talk sense into him, especially lately, when he could easily tell that Nick was in a rut.

“What's up Nicky?” AJ asked in a cheerful voice that drove Nick up the wall.

“Nothing.” Nick replied in a harsh tone. He knew he was being rude without reason, but he didn't particularly care at that moment. All he wanted to do was get the thoughts of his girlfriend out of his head.

“Nothing?” AJ chuckled. “Sounds like you're somewhere interesting.”

“I'm at a club. Don't give me a lecture.” Nick said.

AJ sighed. It had become quite obvious to he, and the others that Nick wasn't in the best mood as of late. Try as they might, none of them had been able to get through to him and find out what was going on. “I wasn't going to give you a lecture. I just wanted to see what you were doing and ask if you wanted to come over to my place. Howie's here too.”

Nick considered that for a moment. Perhaps distracting himself with a random girl wasn't the best idea. After all, Camille was innocently hanging out with her friends, Nick figured he really should be doing the same. If AJ tried to prod him to talk about Camille, he'd simply tell him that everything was fine and that would be the end of it.

He sighed, admitting defeat. “Yeah, okay, I'll be there in a bit.” Nick replied, before leaving and getting into his car. After all, Camille was going to phone him back late that evening, right? There was no reason for her not to. Chris would let her know about the call, and she'd be eager to call him back. No harm done.

Or so he thought.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Fourteen

Another week went by without another phone call from Nick. Camille was starting to become restless, and rather annoyed with his lack of communication. Sick of giving in to Nick's game, she hadn't called him either. On the surface it seemed as though it was a little bit of a petty thing to do, but Camille didn't feel that way. If Nick wasn't going to take the time to check up on her, why should she be the one to give in to him?

Of course, her worries and suspicions weren't helped at all by Chris hiding Nick's phone call from her the week prior. The fact of the matter was, Nick hadn't called her since then, which had caused the bulk of Camille's worries, which had made her decide not to phone him.

“Why hasn't he called?” Camille asked in a soft voice, while holding her cell phone in her hands. She was sitting on the couch in front of the television while Chris on the other side of the room, doing homework on his computer.

He glanced at her, and for a second he felt as though he should tell her that Nick had called her, and that he just had neglected to tell her. The fact of the matter was, Chris was starting to think that Nick didn't deserve Camille. From what he could see, she was fighting for their relationship and doing everything in her power to keep things going, where as Nick didn't really seem to care at all.

“I don't know.” Chris replied, not moving from his seat in front of the computer.

Camille sighed and continued to look at her phone. Frankly, she was starting to be at her wits end with Nick. Try as she might, he didn't seem to care at all about what happened to their relationship. She didn't know what she could do anymore. For the first time, she was starting to think about ending things with him. After all, it seemed as though things were already over in his mind.

The thought of being without Nick scared her. Even though they were physically separated, they were still technically together. To not be with Nick anymore terrified her. She'd never thought that things would get to that point with him, where they couldn't continue. If she did break up with Nick things would stay the same for the time being, she still wouldn't be seeing him for a few weeks anyway. But she would no longer have their reunion to look forward to.

“What do you think I should do?” She asked, staring out the window. The sky was mostly clear, other than a few clouds scattered around.

Chris looked at her. She looked so confused and distraught. There was a lack of emotion in her voice, and she almost sounded tired. Not physically, but emotionally drained. It was as if she knew what to do, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. “Why don't you phone him?”

Camille shook her head. She'd gone over that in her head numerous times. However, it would just cause history to repeat itself. All she wanted was for Nick to put forth some effort into their relationship. That was all she'd ever wanted, really.

“Because.” She started, unsure how to explain herself. “I don't think all the onus should be on me.”

“It shouldn't.” Chris agreed. Why Nick couldn't see what he had baffled Chris. Here was a girl that was willing to do almost anything for him, with the simple stipulation that he loved her just as much as she did. It didn't make sense to Chris why Nick didn't seem to see this.

“I can't do it anymore.” Camille said, her voice shaking. “I can't deal with him anymore.”

***

While Camille was contemplating her relationship woes, Nick was drowning his with another shot of Jack Daniels. He wasn't sure how many he'd had, and by that point he really didn't care.

He was sick of the hot and cold vibe he was getting from Camille as of late. She'd seemed overjoyed to talk to him whenever he'd called before. Then, she'd neglected to call him back the week before. It hadn't even crossed Nick's mind that Chris may not have passed on the message. He trusted his best friend far too much for that.

He had begun to miss her terribly, but he was angered to all hell over the fact that she really didn't seem to miss him at all. She couldn't even be bothered to give him a simple call. No, she was having far too much fun for that.

That, and Nick had been ridiculously busy for the past week. In between recording, writing and going to meetings, he'd barely had time to breathe. It had made him a little jealous of Camille. He was working his ass off, and she was hanging out and having fun with her college friends back in Florida.

What made it worse, was that he was sitting alone in a bar, without an entourage of girls. He didn't want attention from them, he wanted attention from her. Had he really messed things up that much between the two of them that she didn't even care to phone him back?

Nick didn't want to blame everything on himself, but he found it somewhat difficult. All Camille had wanted from him was to fix things and make their relationship work. He'd wanted... well, he hadn't been quite sure what he'd wanted exactly. He hadn't wanted to get married, and she had. Could that have been where things started going wrong? That had been before the thought of moving had even entered his mind.

“Do you ever think about our future, Nick?” Camille asked him as the two of them sat on the beach. It was the last night of Camille's summer holiday from school. After this it would be back to basics, she'd be busy with homework and studying. Nick had planned to make the most of the evening. So, he'd taken her out to dinner and for a cliché moonlight walk on the beach.

“Hmm?” Nick said, slipping his arm around her.

Camille shrugged. “You don't ever think about that stuff? We've been going out for a year now.” She grinned, leaning over and brushing her lips against his.

“Not really...” Nick answered her honestly. He really preferred to just live in the moment instead of worrying about what was going to happen in the future. “You do?”

She nodded a little, grinning sheepishly. “I don't know. I mean, not a lot... just like... when we get married, I though we could do it on the beach, cause it's so pretty out here.”

Nick looked at her for a moment, unsure if she was serious. They'd been going out for a year, and already she was planning their wedding. More over, he didn't even want to get married to anyone. Ever. “Cam...” He started slowly, not wanting to upset her. “I don't really want to get married.”

She giggled a bit. “I didn't mean now.”

Nick sighed. “I know. I meant... ever.”

Nick put his head in his hands. He couldn't decided if his actions were justified, or if he really was being too stubborn. Either way, he felt like things between him and Camille were ruined beyond repair. The only thing that kept him going was the fact that by some miracle, things would get better once they saw each other again over the Christmas break.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Fifteen

Nick,

I don’t even know how to start this. I thought about using some cliché like “this is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write.” But it’s not really. All it is, is me explaining to you my feelings and reasoning behind what I’m about to say to you.

I love you more than anything, and that’s part of why I’m doing this. Sometimes I really feel like you don’t care about me half as much as I care about you. This fact has only been proven since you haven’t phoned me since… last Tuesday? That’s kind of ridiculous, Nick. I know I haven’t called you either but I really don’t think I should be the one putting in all the effort. Especially since whenever I call you, you always seem to be too busy. So I figured you would call me when you have some free time. Either you have no free time, or you just don’t seem to care to talk to me. I really doubt that they’re working you 24/7, Nick.

I’ll admit that I was a little cold to you before you left. I will apologize for that, but I don’t think it warrants the way you’ve been treating me. After we’ve been together for a year, and hell, lived together I think I deserve a little more respect than what I’ve been getting. Even Chris has noticed your lack of effort in the relationship, and that’s saying something. I’m not saying that he’s calling you down or anything like that, but he does tell it like it is.

The fact of the matter is that you care more about your career than you do about me. At least, that’s how it seems. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t care about your career, but would it really be that hard to phone me and tell me that you love and miss me? I could understand you acting this way if I had been just some month long fling, but come on, Nick! We had a relationship, and a pretty serious one at that. Maybe you don’t like to hear the word serious, and maybe it makes you uncomfortable but that’s what it was.

At least, that’s what I thought it was when you asked me to uproot my entire life to live in Florida with you! Don’t get me wrong, I love my life in Florida and I’m glad I ended up moving here, but I never would have done it if it weren’t for you.

I don’t know what else I can say, Nick. I’m sorry we had a rough time these past couple months. Even through all that, I never stopped loving you. I was angry and frustrated with you, but I never stopped wanting to be with you. I still haven’t really stopped wanting to be with you, but the stress has become too much for me to handle.

Please move on without me, even though I’m sure you already have.

~Camille

The words played over and over again in Nick’s head. The entire e-mail didn’t make much sense to him, and it certainly wasn’t her style at all. Camille always wanted to talk to him, even when he was shutting her out. So breaking up with him via e-mail was something he hadn’t expected from her at all.

And the nerve! She was breaking up with him? After the way she’d acted, the way that she’d treated him, she actually had the audacity to end things with him. After he’d gotten home from the bar, he’d gone to check his e-mail and there it was, staring him in the face.

With a very misleading subject line, one might add. I love you.

I love you.

Nick had clicked into the message feeling a bit of hope. Possibly as explanation as to why she hadn’t contacted him or bothered to call. His mind had raced as the page had loaded, perhaps he phone had broken, or something had come up at school… but this.

He hadn’t expected this, and he wasn’t sure what to do.

And what was up with her saying he hadn’t called her since last Tuesday? He’d called a week ago, around this very time actually. Had she never gotten the message? No… Chris would have told her. But it wasn’t like Camille to make things up either. The entire e-mail didn’t make sense!

Nick hadn’t responded to it. He’d read it over a few times, carefully deciphering each and every word. This was a joke – it had to be. There was no way Camille was breaking up with him. Not after she’d seemed to want to do anything to keep their relationship alive.

Nick didn’t think he’d done much wrong. Sure, he’d been a little rude to her, and treated her with a bit of a lack of respect before he’d left… but that didn’t warrant her ending things with him, did it?

Or maybe it was because he really hadn’t been able to buckle down and make the commitment.

Regardless, Nick had no idea what to think, or what to do. He’d paced around his house, trying to come up with a logical explanation. He didn’t even fully understand why she’d ended it with him. The e-mail was five hundred words long, and it really didn’t say much. Or perhaps it said everything and he just didn’t want to believe it.

No, that couldn’t be it. He’d been dumped before, but at least those girls had given him a clear reason. Camille only babbled about how she’d felt hurt and unloved, but Nick had phoned her! He hadn’t called back, because she hadn’t… but she didn’t seem to know that he’d called. Maybe if he phoned her to try and explain, it would fix things.

Yes, not phoning her (apparently) had been what had caused this, so phoning her would be the way to fix it, right? That was the only solution Nick could see. So, he dialled her number as quick as he could and waited.

It rang once, twice, three times…

And then it went to voicemail.

So he called her again.

And again, and again, until he decided to give up, figuring that maybe she’d already gone to bed. She wouldn’t be ignoring his calls, no. Again, it was very unlike her. Whenever she was angry or upset with him her favourite thing to do was to yell at him and let him know exactly why. Breaking up with him in an e-mail and then not answering her phone just wasn’t her style. There had to be more to this.

Nick thought for a brief moment about calling Chris and asking him what was going on with Camille. Surely Camille had talked to him, she talked to him about everything, especially her relationship troubles. But Nick really didn’t want to get Chris involved or put him in the middle.

He figured maybe he should send her an e-mail back, but he didn’t want to appear too weak. He’d already phoned her multiple times, and whether she was sleeping or ignoring his calls, she’d already seen that. Sighing, Nick crawled into his bed and attempted to sleep. He would call her again in the morning, and if that didn’t work he would send her a quick e-mail.

The thought didn’t even cross his mind that a large portion of this might be his fault.

***

Camille sat blankly on her bed. She stared at her phone as it rang. Nick’s number flashing across the screen. She shook her head, not interested in hearing his scapegoats and excuses. She knew that if she picked up the phone she would end up giving in to him, and as much as she wanted to, she knew it was for the best to stay away.

But the phone didn’t stop ringing. She found it ironic, really. Nick couldn’t be bothered to call her when they were still together, but the second she dangled breaking up in front of his face the phone rang off the hook.

Maybe her message had made him realize how much of an ass he was being. Maybe he was phoning her with a promise to change his ways.

Somehow, she doubted that. She pictured Nick sitting in front of his computer, feeling as though he’d lost some game with himself, and not fully understanding what he’d done wrong at all.

She gulped a little, forcing back the tears that were sure to come. Nick phoned her six times before finally giving up. She waited for a second for her phone to let her know that she had a new voice message, but it didn’t. Nick had called, but he didn’t care enough to leave her a pleading voice mail. Camille wasn’t sure how she felt about that. On one hand, she did want the stress of the relationship to be over, but she did want Nick to fight for her as well.

She didn’t really know what she wanted. All she knew was that she couldn’t continue the way things were and with Nick being gone she saw no way to fix the situation.

With a heavy heart, and more confused about her feelings than ever, Camille turned her phone off and stared at the ceiling. Hopefully she could learn from this experience with Nick and be able to move on with her life, just as she had instructed him to.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Sixteen

Nick spent the better part of Sunday morning pacing around his house and trying to figure out what to do. He’d called Camille a few more times, and she had yet to pick up her phone. Nick was fairly certain that she was ignoring him, and he didn’t quite appreciate that much. It bothered him a lot that she would end things in such a cut and dry way.

He could only wonder what was going through her head when she’d sent that e-mail. As far as he’d seen, she’d wanted to be in the relationship with him just as badly as he’d wanted to be with her. It didn’t make much sense to him and the whole thing seemed really sudden. Nick though that they had solved any problems they’d had before he’d left. Yes, she’d been fairly mute the morning his flight took off, but he’d chalked that up to a lack of sleep.

And possibly, the lack of goodbye sex.

Nick kicked himself for not giving in to her advances that night. But that couldn’t have been what had caused this. She hadn’t mentioned anything about it in her message. Though, he knew that girls usually liked to dance around the real subject.

Nick really just had no clue as to what had prompted her to send that to him. And after continually pacing around his house without a clue as to what to do, brilliance finally struck him.

He’d send her an e-mail back! Of course, that way she’d have to read it. She’d be too curious not to, and he could send it with a receipt which told him if she’d opened it or not. Nick grinned to himself and sat down at his computer as the thoughts rushed through his head.

Cam –

That… was kind of unexpected. I don’t really even understand what’s going on. Like it’s very not like you at all. I miss you a lot and I really would like you to phone me. I’m not sure what went wrong because I thought that things were fine between us and then all of a sudden you dropped this bomb on me…

I don’t know what you were talking about when you said I hadn’t called you in a while. I did call you last Saturday but Chris said that you were busy and would call me back so I was kinda pissed that you never phoned me back so I never phoned you. I guess it seems a bit immature but yeah… I’m phoning you now, aren’t I? It’d be nice if you would pick up so we could talk about this…

I don’t really know what else I can say… hopefully you’ll phone me and we can get this fixed… Love Nick…

Nick read the message over a few times before he sent it to her. He wasn’t really sure what he could say to her, because as far as he was concerned, there wasn’t really anything wrong. Okay, so maybe he’d been a little rash in not phoning her again, but he was annoyed that she hadn’t called him back when Chris had said she would! Still, it probably would have been better to call and ask her what was going on than to just ignore her completely. Nick sighed, relationships confused him so much.

***

Camille had spent the better part of the night tossing and turning. She hadn’t been able to get to sleep and couldn’t stop thinking about Nick.

At the time she’d sent the e-mail, she’d been positive she was making the right decision. Now, she wasn’t so sure. He mind kept drifting to happier times with him, and she had to fight every urge she had to pick up the phone and call him back.

Those happy times are gone now, she’d reminded herself. Nick didn’t shower her with love like he once had. When they’d first gotten together he’d been nothing but sweet and now, well now it seemed like he really couldn’t care less. She was sure the only reason Nick was calling her was because he couldn’t stand the fact that he was the one being dumped, instead of the other way around.

She shook her head, he really did have too much pride. That was one thing about him that had always annoyed her, his inability to accept that perhaps he’d made a mistake. No, Nick Carter was much to perfect and stubborn to think that anything might be his fault.

Still, once she’d fallen asleep she’d dreamt that she and Nick were back with each other and happy once more. It made her sad to wake up and realize that it simply wasn’t true. Things like that just didn’t happen, and she and Nick simply weren’t meant to be.

Finally, she’d forced herself to get out of her room and go have some breakfast. She was greeted by the smell of Chris cooking breakfast.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Chris said, as Camille sat down at the kitchen table.

Camille shot him a look. She felt like anything but a ray of sunshine. “Morning.” She replied glumly, picking up the newspaper off the table and absentmindedly flipping through it.

“Are you hungry?” Chris asked her. “I’m making egg McMuffins.”

Camille shook her head. “Not really. And isn’t it technically not a ‘McMuffin’ is you’re the one making it?” She asked, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Chris only laughed. “I guess not, but it’s the same idea.”

Camille didn’t answer him. Not finding anything interesting in the paper, she made her way over to the computer and decided to check her e-mail. She wasn’t exactly shocked by what she found, considering that Nick had been phoning her non-stop the night before.

Well, he’d only phoned six times, but judging by the amount of times he’d called her before she’d decided to break up with her, that had to be some kind of record.

She didn’t know if she should open it or not. As with his phone calls, she knew she was weak and that once she read his words she would go crawling back into his arms.

Biting her lip, she glanced behind her. “Chris?” She called. “Nick e-mailed me back…”

Chris looked over at Camille. Nick had already caused her far too much drama, and he knew that whatever Nick had said were probably just empty words. Sure, things would be better for a week or so, but he knew Nick well, and he knew that he would just fall back in to his old habits once he got Camille back.

Which is exactly what he told her.

And Camille agreed with him. That thought process sounded exactly like Nick. He wouldn’t learn from his mistakes, he would only learn that if he begged hard enough he would get what he wanted. Camille wasn’t about to let him win. If he wanted her he would have to fight harder and prove to her he really wanted to be with her. That was going to take a lot more than a few phone calls and a simple e-mail.

Not caring to read his empty words, Camille quickly deleted the message and emptied her recycle bin to avoid further temptation.

***

Later that afternoon, Nick sat lazily in front of his computer. He’d given up on trying to phone Camille, he figured that his e-mail would be enough. The ball was in her court now to contact him.

Though, that didn’t stop him from going on AIM and hoping that she might sign in. She didn’t, but about an hour later the next best thing happened.

Chris signed in.

As far as Nick was concerned, this was a good thing. After all, Chris was living with Camille, and he could get information from him, as well as ask him to relay a message to her. Of course, Nick didn’t realize that Chris’s intentions were less than sincere.

BeachBoy1980: Hey dude, what’s up?

Chris looked at the screen as Nick messaged him. He didn’t really feel any remorse for his friend, especially since he was seeing first hand what Camille was going through with him.

ChrisG: Nothin…

BeachBoy1980: Hey, is Camille around? I haven’t talked to her in a while….

ChrisG: She’s not here… I think she went out with one of her friends…

That made Nick somewhat irritated. Here he was, doing his best to try and save their relationship, and Camille was hanging out with her friends? Was she not even upset that things were over between them?

BeachBoy1980: I see… well, when she gets home can you tell her to call me? It’s kinda important.

Chris shook his head. Nick would never learn.

ChrisG: Sure thing… she hasn’t been phoning you?

Nick wasn’t sure what to make of that. Did Chris not know what was going on with him and Camille? He found that rather odd, Camille talked to Chris about everything.

BeachBoy1980: Nope.

Feeling rather annoyed with the fact that Nick was trying to go through him to get information about Camille, Chris decided it was best for him to just sign off and not deal with it anymore. After all, their relationship was over, and the last thing Camille needed was for Nick to cause more trouble. Especially when she was trying to get over him and move on.

ChrisG: I gotta go… I’ll talk to you later.

Nick stared at his computer screen dumbfounded. Something wasn’t adding up. Chris was usually chattier with him and regardless of the fact that they were talking online, he could tell that something wasn’t right. Chris’s favourite topic of conversation was Nick and Camille’s relationship, and he was always trying to get them to sort things out whenever they had problems.

There was a missing piece of the puzzle, and Nick intended to find out what it was.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Seventeen

The next morning, Nick was sitting in a meeting. However, his mind was not on the new songs that they were going to be recording. His mind was racing with thoughts of his failed relationship.

No, not failed. Just… paused. Paused until he got to talk to her. Paused until he figured out exactly what he did and could do to get her back.

“Nick, concentrate!” Kevin snapped as he noticed Nick drift off into space once more.

“Sorry.” Nick replied sheepishly. He has been lost in his memories, trying to figure out exactly where he went wrong.

It was a clear afternoon in the city of Boston. Nick had just arrived there as he was performing a show on his solo tour that evening. He decided to wander around the city a little, before stopping in a Starbucks near the venue.

Surprisingly, the store was rather empty. Nick chalked that up to it being right after lunch hour. Everyone was probably back to work. Approaching the counter, he smiled at the brunette that was working the cash register.

“Good afternoon!” She smiled brightly.

Nick smiled back at her. She looked to be around the same age as he was, maybe a couple years younger. She was quite a bit shorter than he was as well. None the less, she was cute, so Nick turned on the flirting. “Hey gorgeous.” He winked. “How’s your day going?”

She bit her lip. Her day had been pretty boring. The day had been quite slow and she didn’t have much going on in the evening. “Pretty good.” She replied, blushing. “It’s really hot outside, I think I’m going to melt.”

Nick chuckled a bit. “I live in Florida, so I’m pretty used to it.”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “Ergh, I’m so jealous! I’d love to go to Florida!” She sighed. “So what brings you to Boston? If I lived in Florida I’d never leave. I’d just hang out on the beach all day.” She giggled.

Nick shrugged. “I’m playing a show at The Avalon.” He said simply.

She looked at him for a moment, before recognition dawned on her face. “Holy crap.” She breathed. “Sorry… I totally didn’t realize who you were.”

Nick laughed. “It’s all good.”

Nick pouted a little as he recalled the day he met her. Things had been so simple back then. He’d invited her to his show, she’d gone along and before he knew it they were talking on the phone almost every night.

Once he’d finished his summer tour, he’d gone back to Boston to visit her. They’d spent a whole week hanging out in the city with her friends and family. Their relationship progressed rather quickly… a little faster than Nick would have liked, as he recalled. Still, by the end of the summer Camille had moved down to Florida to live with him. Hell, they hadn’t even slept together before she’d moved in with him!

“God, Florida is so gorgeous.” Camille gushed as she and Nick walked hand in hand down the beach. “Seriously, there are like, palm trees everywhere.”

“Seriously?” Nick looked at her, with face astonishment on his face. “I never noticed!”

Camille rolled her eyes at Nick’s mocking tone. “Shut up.” She giggled, standing on her toes and kissing him lightly on the cheek.

Nick turned to face her. There was water lapping softly against the shore, and moonlight making the stars seem brighter than usual. In short, all that romantic stuff which Nick usually hated. He leaned into kiss her, and she responded eagerly, snaking her arms around his neck and pulling him in closer to her.

They continued to kiss, the soft breeze blowing against them. Camille shivered, but it was hardly because of the wind. “Let’s go back inside…” She suggested in between kisses. “I’m kind of cold…”

Nick smirked, knowing that wasn’t her reasoning at all.

The two of them rushed back to the house and as soon as they were inside, Camille attacked him with kisses. As with the rest of their relationship, there was nothing slow moving about it. They kicked off their shoes and headed straight to the bedroom.

Nick sighed to himself. He couldn’t think of when things had gone sour at all. Everything had been fine. During her first year at school, she hadn’t been nearly as stressed as she’d been over the last few months.

Nick put his head in his hands momentarily. If only he could figure out what had gone wrong, he could begin to fix things.

***

Camille on the other hand, was walking around the University campus. She was by herself, accompanied only by the music of her mp3 player. She sighed to herself, thinking about what a mess the weekend had been.

If only things could go back to normal between she and Nick. That would make her life so much easier. She knew she’d flipped out a little too much over the marriage issue, and in turn that had spawned more problems, which had been overblown once Nick had decided he was moving.

She wasn’t even sure if things could go back to how they’d been. Everything was so different now. The house had been sold, and Nick was living on the other side of the country. Nick continued to call and attempt to talk to her, but even if he’d come to his senses she still wasn’t sure it could work.

Perhaps their relationship was only meant to live on in memories.

Camille arrived home from school that afternoon feeling rather giddy. She knew that Nick had something planned for her birthday, but of course Nick wouldn’t tell her what it was. “Nick?” She called out through the house.

“Up here!” Nick called from the second floor.

Camille rushed upstairs to find her boyfriend sitting on their bed cross legged with a silly grin on his face.

Happy birthday, baby.” He said. He held out his arms to hug her, and she quickly crawled on to the bed and accepted the invitation. Kissing her softly, Nick pulled a card out from behind his back and handed it to her.

Camille grinned and opened it eagerly. Along with the standard Hallmark greetings, the card only said a few simple words from Nick himself.

“Happy 22nd! I love you.”

She looked up at him once she was done reading the card. Nick had never uttered those words to her before. As she opened her mouth to say something to him, she was interrupted. “Nick..”

“It’s the truth Cam, I do love you.” He said softly, kissing her again.

Camille melted. At that moment, she didn’t feel she needed anything else for her birthday, she was content just being with him. “I love you too, Nick.”

Camille smiled a little bit at the memory. As angry as she was with Nick, her heart ached for him and the way that things used to be. Still, she didn’t want to back down. She wasn’t going to accept Nick’s empty apologies. As hard as it was going to be, she knew she had to move on without him.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Eighteen

Camille sighed as she flung her backpack on to the floor of the apartment. She was starting to get really tired of school and couldn’t wait until the semester was over. Not that she didn’t enjoy her classes, she just found them to be dragging on. Especially since she was having something of a stressful few months.

There wasn’t much she could do. Nick had stopped trying to contact her completely. No phone calls, no e-mails, nothing. She had to admit, it bothered her a little. She rather liked that he was trying so desperately to contact her. Now that he had stopped, it only reiterated her feelings that he didn’t care.

Sitting down on the couch, she started to flip through channels on the TV. She was trying as hard as she could to get her mind of Nick, but he still continued to plague her. Wasn’t the point of breaking up with him to get him off her mind? It wasn’t working at all. If anything, she thought about him more. Constantly questioning if she’d made the right decision or not.

Of course, she knew he had. It was now Wednesday and he hadn’t phoned her since the weekend. She figured he’d given up, and if he was going to give up that easily, then she really didn’t need him, right?

That didn’t make it hurt any less, though.

Settling on an old rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond, Camille curled up on the couch and lost herself in the sitcom. After a few minutes, the door opened and Chris walked in.

“You’re home early.” He commented, sitting down beside her.

Camille shrugged. “I skipped my last class.”

Chris frowned. It bothered him that Camille was so upset lately. As far as he was concerned, she didn’t deserve the shit that Nick was putting her through. He was glad that she’d finally come to her senses and ended things with him. Even if it had been partly because of his meddling. But of course, she didn’t know that. “How come?”

“Because I was tired and wanted to come home.” She replied, as if it were obvious. All she really wanted was to be left alone.

Chris gave her a sympathetic smile. “Stressed?”

“Yes.”

He draped his arm around her, and as much as Camille wanted some alone time, it was nice to feel wanted. She leaned her head on his shoulder, thankful that she had him as her friend. At least all men weren’t pigs.

“Why don’t I take you out to dinner tonight?” Chris asked as Camille continued to laugh at the antics of the Barone family.

“I don’t know…” She replied. She really was tired and would liked to have just relaxed all evening.

Chris smirked. “I’ll take you to Olive Garden.” He suggested, knowing that the mention of her favourite restaurant would entice her.

And it did. “Okay, fine.” She agreed, giving Chris a small smile.

***

Nick strolled around LA absentmindedly. He’d had another boring day in the studio, and the guys were starting to get annoyed with his lack of enthusiasm. It wasn’t his fault! He blamed Camille. If she would just talk to him and give him a reason as to why she’d ended things, he’d be perfectly fine.

Well, not perfectly fine. But at least he would have an answer, instead of wondering all the time. He’d always been like that, preferring the harsh truth to not knowing.

He knew Camille well though. He knew that she wasn’t really breaking up with him. There was just no way, it was completely unlike her. No… she was trying to get him to step up. To figure his shit out and beg to get her back.

She hadn’t let him beg though! He scoffed, the least she could do was answer his calls, or respond to his e-mail. But no… he needed to figure himself out first. Well, how could she know if he’d figured things out if she wouldn’t pick up the damn phone?

He loved her, that’s all there was to it. Shouldn’t that have been enough? It had been enough before, he would tell her he loved her, she would say it back, and they were happy. He would surprise her sometimes after school by having dinner cooked, or just by randomly sending her notes in her school books for her to find.

He laughed a little, she’d turned him into such a sap.

And then all of a sudden she’d gotten bitchy. Right around the time that she’d started school again. Right around the same time that he’d said he wouldn’t marry her.

Suddenly, something clicked in Nick’s head. After they’d had that argument, things had become very cold and bitter between the two of them. He’d stopped doing sweet things for her, and she’d stopped showing him affection as well. When it became time for him to leave, things had become so routine that he didn’t even think that he needed to change his ways.

He loved her, and that’s all there was to it. Why had that been so difficult for him to figure out? She wanted to marry him eventually, and it had scared him. But why? Deep down he hadn’t ever seen them breaking up, so why was that such a big deal to him? Why couldn’t he just smile and give her what she wanted so desperately? It’s not as though it would have changed much, especially if they were going to be together anyway. In fact, the only reason they weren’t together any more was because they’d acted so bitter towards each other because of that differing opinion. If he’d just agreed on her idea to get married in the future, things would have been fine.

Things would have been fine back then, and they would be fine now. All he had to do was propose to her! Nick grinned to himself, unable to contain his giddiness. That would definitely solve his problem, he was sure of it! He practically ran to Tiffany’s as he searched for an engagement ring.

Nick knew he was always one to act on rash ideas. If he’d taken a step back and looked at the situation, he probably would have realized that he was being completely irrational. However, he was so excited about the prospect of winning Camille back that he didn’t even stop to think. Instead, he dropped a ridiculous amount of money on a ring and kept on grinning to himself as he envisioned her telling him that she loved him and couldn’t wait to spend the rest of her life with him.

It wasn’t the best idea in the world, but Nick was certain it would work. It had to. He would propose and they would live happily ever after, just like in those sappy movies she’d always made him watch. Truly, just like the sap she’d turned him into.

***

Camille took a sip of her water and waited for the waitress to come back with her food. She loved the Olive Garden, though it made her somewhat sad. She and Nick had gone there for dinner a number of times. They both always ordered the same thing and often didn’t even have to look at the menu.

Mentally, she scolded herself. She was supposed to be getting over Nick, not thinking about him!

Chris glanced at Camille. She was staring off into space again, probably thinking about Nick. He knew that Olive Garden used to be their date place, but still. He didn’t understand why Nick had such power over her. Sure, they’d been together for a while, but Nick had treated her so poorly in the last month they were together that he didn’t understand why Camille cared anymore.

Besides, there was a far better guy sitting right in front of her! And Chris intended to show her that.

“You know, this one time, when Nick and I were here…” Camille started telling some story about how Nick had got some sort of soup and got far too much cheese grated into it.

Chris sighed. His goal was easier said than done.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Nineteen

Late on Friday afternoon, Nick could barely sit still. He was flying into Tampa the next day to surprise Camille. It was a flawless plan, he figured. Chris usually went out on Saturday nights, and he knew from experience that Camille usually liked to stay in and relax unless there was some sort of event going on. So he was sure she would be home. Surprising her would be easy, he had a key to Chris’s apartment, so Nick planned it out perfectly.

He would stroll inside and Camille would be sitting on the couch, not bothering to look up from the TV screen. He would walk over to her, get down on one knee on she would be downright shocked to see him there.

That’s the kind of mushy stuff girls love, right? Surely it would make her melt. It had to!

As the day wore on, Nick started to grow more and more nervous. The initial excitement had begun to subside, and was slowly being replaced with fear. Fear that she would say no, fear that what he was doing was wrong…

Luckily, he had a couple of friends who had already been through the stress of proposing. For a few brief minutes, he was able to pull Brian out of the room and talk to him. He’d thought about asking Kevin, but he knew that Kevin was just going to lecture him on how rash he was being. Nick really didn’t want to hear that, especially when he knew he was acting that way. On some level, at least.

“What’s up, Nick?” Brian asked as Nick whisked him out into the hallway. He’d seemed pretty concerned about something.

Nick glanced around to make sure no one was listening. “Okay… when you proposed to Leighanne, were you nervous?”

Brian gave Nick a strange look. That wasn’t something he expected to hear out of Nick at all, because when someone asks that question, the reason is probably because they’re planning on proposing to someone. “Not really… I mean I was, but I was sure she was going to say yes.” He replied. “Why?” He asked cautiously.

“I’m going to ask Camille to marry me tomorrow.” Nick replied proudly.

Brian pressed his lips together as he searched Nick’s face for any indication that he was joking. Nope, Nick was perfectly serious. He was afraid of that. This was just like Nick, to be completely irrational. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Of course.” Nick said without skipping a beat. “We love each other, it’s the next step, right?”

“Well… I guess.” Brian replied, not really sure what else he could say. If he argued with Nick, he knew that he’d just get overly defensive. “I thought you didn’t believe in marriage?”

Nick sighed. That was true, and that was what he’d told Camille before… which is what had caused this whole mess in the first place. What was wrong with him changing his mind? If that was what she wanted, then that’s what he would give to her. “I didn’t… but I guess I changed my mind.” Nick said, putting his hands in his pockets.

Brian nodded. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to talk Nick out of this, and trying would only result in him getting upset. “Well, if you’re really sure that she’s the one, I wish you luck.” He said, giving Nick a friendly tap on the shoulder before going back into the meeting with the others.

Nick stood there for a moment before joining him. He wasn’t entirely sure that Camille was ‘the one’ as Brian had put it… but he still had time to figure that out, right? It wasn’t as if they were going to get married right away, they could be engaged for a long period of time.

Nick disregarded his worries as he rejoined the others. He and Camille had been fine and happy before any of this drama had come up, he was confident they’d be fine once he had solved it.

***

Friday evening came all too slowly for Camille and Chris. After a long week at school, they were both itching to get home and relax.

Of course, Chris had other things on his mind. Desperate to win Camille over and to get her to forget about Nick, he’d gone home during the lunch hour and set up the apartment. He’d rented two of her favourite movies and he’d ordered Chinese food to be delivered around dinner time.

“Thank God it’s Friday!” Camille exclaimed as the two of them walked into the apartment upon returning home from school. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

“Nope.” Chris replied, sitting down on one of the couches. “But you do.”

Camille gave him a confused look. “What?” She asked him. As far as she knew she didn’t have anything planned. Other than taking a nice, long nap.

“Go look at the DVD player.” He instructed, and Camille did as she was told.

“Titanic and Pearl Harbour?” She squealed, noticing the cases on the shelf beside the TV. “Awesome!”

Chris smiled, he figured she’d be happy about that. Camille wasted no time in popping Titanic into the DVD player and curling up on the couch. Almost immediately, Chris moved to the couch and sat beside her.

“You actually want to watch this?” Camille laughed.

Chris shrugged. “It’s a good movie.”

Camille rolled her eyes. She didn’t know any guy that liked Titanic. “Whatever, Chris. I’m sure you only like it because Kate Winslet strips halfway through.” She giggled. “You know, I’m pretty sure that the only reason James Cameron put that in there was to wake the boys up who had fallen asleep while watching this.”

Chris shook his head. “Honestly, I think it’s a great piece of cinematic art.”

Camille giggled at his comment. “Cinematic art? Who says things like that?”

“It is!” Chris defended himself. “It didn’t win a bunch of awards for nothing.”

Camille nodded her head in agreement. That much was true. “I guess you’re right. I still like it for the sappy love story.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “You would.”

The two of them continued to watch the movie, but not without a little friendly banter here and there. Chris couldn’t help but feel pleased with himself. He’d definitely managed to get Camille’s mind off Nick. Or so he thought, anyway. She didn’t mention him at all for the entire evening.

Still, Chris was wrong in assuming that meant she wasn’t thinking about him. As Camille watched the tragic love story unfold, she couldn’t help but think about her own love and why things just weren’t working out between them. Try as she might, she couldn’t stop thinking of him. Everything seemed to remind her of Nick. Still, she tried as hard as she could to concentrate on other things. That part of her life was closed, and she didn’t want to dwell on it any longer.

Left and Leaving
Chapter Twenty

Small request
Could we please turn around?
So you whisper your arrival
Walking backwards to the door
Wonder briefly what it is you’re hesitating for
The Weakerthans – “Time’s Arrow”

“Come on, Cam.” Chris prodded the following afternoon. “It’ll be fun.”

Camille shook her head. “No. I really don’t feel like going out. I just want to relax.” She said sternly.

Chris sighed. He’d been trying all day to get Camille to go out with him and his friends for the evening, and so far no avail. She was sticking to her guns on staying in that night. She rarely went out on Saturdays anyway. She much preferred to stay in and watch TV or go online. “You relaxed last night, come out with us.”

Camille looked at him. He was right, she had stayed in the entire night before. Maybe it would be good for her to go out and have fun. Hopefully that would help get her mind off Nick for a while. It wasn’t like Nick was thinking about her anyway. He hadn’t bothered to call or anything. To Camille, it seemed like he had finally given up. That was a good thing, it was far less tempting this way. A clean break was exactly what they needed.

“Okay.” She agreed, standing up and walking towards her bedroom to get changed. “You twisted my arm.”

***

Little did Camille know, Nick was thinking about her. In fact, she was the only thing on his mind as he impatiently waited in LAX. He nervously tapped his foot on the ground as he watched the people walk by him. The couples made him especially apprehensive. Was his plan actually going to work? Nick didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t.

As his boarding call was announced, Nick gathered up his backpack and walked towards the gate. He slipped his hand into his pocked for the millionth time that day, making sure the ring box was still there. And just like every other time he checked, it was safe and sound, waiting to be presented to Camille.

Nick tried as best he could to distract himself on the flight. He tried listening to music, but every song reminded him of Camille. The in flight movie was American Pie, which they’d watched on one of their first dates. Sleeping didn’t help much either, because she haunted his dreams. Hell, he’d even dreamt that he’d gone through with his proposal and she’d accepted immediately.

Unfortunately, he’d woken up to see that he was still on the plane and not engaged to Camille.

This was going to be a long ride.

***

Chris grinned at Camille as she downed another drink. For not wanting to go out, she sure was having a good time. Chris kept buying her drinks, and she kept drinking them. As far as he was concerned, this was a good thing.

Not that he was planning on taking advantage of her. Oh no, that couldn’t possibly be it!

Well, maybe that was part of the plan. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing, to get her inhibitions a little lowered. That way, she wouldn’t over analyze things, she wouldn’t flip out when he kissed her… no, it was definitely a good idea.

“Chris!” Camille called from the other side of the pub. “You have got to come over here, we invented a new game!” She said, running over to him and pulling him towards the dart board. “It’s called blackjack darts!”

Chris laughed and gave her a strange look. “What?”

Camille bounced up and down with excitement. “It’s darts, but you have to try to get to twenty one!” She explained, putting her hand on his shoulder for emphasis. “Well… not really twenty one. I mean… let’s just play!”

Chris shook his head. She was cute even when she was drunk. How could Nick be so stupid as to let a girl like her go?

***

Nick ran a hand through his hair as he rushed through the airport once his flight had landed. He didn’t even bother going to baggage claim. Not that he needed to, he hadn’t brought anything with him other than what was in his backpack. He’d gone to Tampa for one reason and one reason only. To get back the girl he loved.

After hailing a cab to take him to Chris’s apartment, he was well on his way.

Again, he checked his pocket. The ring was still there, he was good to go.

***

Camille held onto Chris’s arm as they walked the short distance back home. They’d left the pub earlier than normal on account of a band coming on stage that no one seemed to really like. Instead of heading to another place with the others, Chris had opted to take Camille home and put his plan into action.

Camille happily obliged. As much fun as she was having, she was ready to call it a night. She hadn’t drank too much, only enough to get slightly buzzed and to have some fun. She knew her limit. Any more and she would risk doing something stupid. Still, she liked to create the illusion she’d had more, that way she could have a little fun and just blame it on the alcohol. No harm, no foul, right?

Once they got back to the apartment Camille made a beeline for the couch. It was still early enough to catch Saturday Night Live. She flipped on the TV and Chris sat down beside her.

“Nick and I used to watch this every weekend.” Camille said when the opening credits graced the screen.

Chris bit his lip at the mention of Nick. He had to get Camille to notice him and to forget about that moron. Picking up the remote and switching off the TV, he turned to Camille. “Cam...” He started, not really knowing what he should say.

Before Camille could respond, Chris's lips were on hers. She didn't know what to think or say. Why was Chris kissing her? What the hell was going on? Still, she didn't stop him.

***

Nick couldn't pay the cab driver fast enough. In fact, he was sure that he overpaid him a ridiculous amount. But Nick didn't care. All he cared about was racing up the steps to Chris's apartment and professing his love for Camille.

From the outside of the building, he could see that the lights were on inside. Nick grinned, she was home. He quickly unlocked the front door and ran up the steps to Chris's second floor suite.

Unlocking the door, he spotted Camille on the couch, exactly where he'd expected she would be. Only she wasn't alone. She was with Chris.

Kissing him.

Camille's mind was racing. Why was Chris kissing her, and who had opened the front door? Before her mind could register what was going on, she was being forcefully pulled off of Chris. Her mouth hung open in shock as she saw Nick grab Chris by the collar of his shirt.

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” Nick shouted, his face inches away from Chris's.

“Nick!” Camille yelled, instantly feeling more sober. “What are you doing here?” She asked, shocked beyond all belief. He didn't bother to call her for an entire week, and then he randomly shows up? He made no sense!

Nick glanced behind him and glared at Camille. He pushed Chris back down onto the couch and shoved his hand into his pocket. Throwing the blue Tiffany's box in Camille's direction, he snarled. “I came here.” He said in an eerily calm voice. “To give that to you.”

Camille knelt down and picked up the box. Opening it up, she gasped at the diamond ring that sparkled inside. Nick was going to propose? She looked up at him, his eyes begging her for an explanation of what was going on.

“Nick...” Camille said, swallowing a little. She had so many questions, and didn't know where to begin to start asking. “I broke up with you...”

“I know!” Nick shouted. “And then he just moves in on you?” Nick asked, turning his attention back to Chris, who was still sitting on the couch. He was confused as hell. “Or has this been going on for longer?”

“No!” Camille yelled. Nothing was going on between her and Chris! The kiss was... random. It was nothing! She didn't even know what was happening, it just sort of happened. She didn't want to date Chris, he was her friend and nothing more. Had she led him on? Everything was happening way too fast.

“It doesn't make sense, Cam.” Nick said in a pleading voice, taking her hands in his. “Why did you end things? You're the one that never called me...”

Camille scoffed. That was a laugh. “I never called you? Please Nick. The last time you phoned me was when I was at school on lunch hour. And even then you didn't have a whole fuck of a lot to say.”

Nick gave Camille a strange look. “No... I called you two weeks ago to this day.” He said, staring right into her eyes. “You were too busy fucking around at the bar to call me back.”

“No one ever told me that you called...” Camille said quietly. The two of them pondered that for a moment, before it clicked. They both turned their heads to look at Chris, who still sat on the couch with a smug look on his face.

“So I didn't give her the message, big deal.” Chris said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, it's a very big deal.” Nick growled, glaring at his so called best friend. “Did you think you could just move in on my girl when I'm not around?”

Camille shook her head. “It's not like you were trying very hard to keep me, Nick.”

“Cam, I'm sorry. I was so stupid.” Nick said, turning his attention away from Chris and back to her. “I should have realized what a dick I was being.”

“Um, I'm gonna go.” Chris said, standing up and moving out of the living room. As fast as he could he slipped his shoes on and left the apartment.

“Yeah, you'd better run!” Nick shouted after him. Unbelievable. As if his best friend would deceive him like that. Glancing back at Camille, his heart broke. She looked completely lost and confused. He didn't blame her, a lot had happened in the last five minutes. Slowly, he hugged her. “I love you, Cam.” He said softly. “I'm so, so sorry.”

Camille buried her head in his chest. How was it that one person could make her feels such anger one moment, and such love the next? Still, it wasn't enough. It wasn't Chris's fault that their relationship had failed, that was just the straw that broke the camels back. “I love you too, Nick.” She replied.

Nick pulled away from her a little and searched her face. She didn't look happy, she looked sad and tired. He licked his lips and inched his face towards hers, kissing her tenderly.

Taking the ring box out of her hand, Nick opened it up and knelt down in front of her. “Will you marry me?” He asked in a shaky voice. This definitely wasn't how he'd planned for things to go, but it was better than nothing and definitely worth a shot.

Camille looked at him sadly. He was offering her the world, and she knew she couldn't accept it. It wasn't what Nick really wanted, it was only a desperate attempt to get her back. Sighing, she placed her hands over the box and shut it. “I'm sorry, Nick.”

Nick shook his head. “You're supposed to say yes.” He said, looking up at her.

Camille drew in a breath, fighting back the tears that were sure to fall. How badly she wanted to say yes, but where would that land them? Right back in the same place they were. Fighting all the time, never in agreement with one another. No, this wasn't a good idea at all. “I can't.”

“Why not?” Nick asked her, standing up and placing his hand on her arm. “It was just a stupid miscommunication. Chris's fault.” He said, rolling his eyes at the antics of their friend. “He's a moron. We never have to talk to him again.”

“It's not just that, Nick. You and I are too different.” She tried to explain everything she'd been feeling for the last couple of months. It wasn't that she didn't love him, but the relationship caused her far more stress than it was worth. “Or maybe we're too similar. I don't know... either way, it just doesn't work.”

“We can make it work.” Nick pleaded, hugging her tightly. “I promise.”

Camille shook her head, and pushed Nick away. “We can't. We tried.”

“We'll try again.” Nick said sadly.

“Nick, I'm tired.” Camille said, her voice filled with exasperation. “I'm tired of trying. Please... just go.”

Nick knew better than to overstay his welcome, and he also knew when to admit defeat. He'd lost, plain and simple. Their relationship was over, and it was a large part his fault. Not totally, but he felt that if he hadn't acted so childish earlier that year their breakup wouldn't be happening. Hell, if he'd just called her again later that Saturday evening it probably wouldn't be happening! That wasn't the whole reason, but it's what really got Camille thinking. Nick nodded, and gave her a final hug, handing her the ring as he pulled away.

Camille shook her head and tried to give it back to him, but Nick insisted. “Keep it, I bought it for you. It's not like I can do anything with it.”

Camille held it tightly too her chest. She looked down at the floor, as she knew if she looked at Nick she would burst into tears and take him back. That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to move on. “I love you.” She whispered quietly.

“I love you too.” Nick said with a sad smile as she looked back at her one last time before exiting the apartment. He was glad that she wasn't look at him, she'd never seen him cry and he very much preferred it that way. With a heavy heart, Nick began walking down the street in search of a hotel to spend the night. He'd been so confident she was going to say yes that he hadn't bothered to make a reservation. So much for that.

Meanwhile, Camille was curled up in a ball on the couch crying her eyes out. She wanted so much to chase after Nick, but she knew it would only result in more heartbreak in the end. Sure, he wanted to marry her now, but what happened when he came to his senses and realized the implications of what he was asking her?

She could contemplate the pros and cons all night, but in the end she knew she was making the right decision.

Still, that didn't make it an easy one.

Left and Leaving
Epilogue

I’m back with scars to show
Back with the streets I know
Will never take me anywhere but here

August 14, 2005

Camille stood nervously outside of Nick’s hotel room. She wondered if it would be best if she just turned around and went home. After all, what was she going to say to him? Sorry I rejected you two years ago? Yeah, that would go over well. He was probably just going to slam the door in her face.

Still, after seeing him on stage she felt the compelling need to talk to him. Nick had been her life for a little over a year. She owed it to him, and to herself to get some sort of closure.

Even if that closure was two years too late.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door. He didn’t answer at first, and Camille figured that he may not have even been there. Maybe he had gone out with one of the others, or maybe he was sleeping.

However, those thoughts were silenced when Nick pulled the door open. He appeared to just have stepped out of the shower. His hair was a wet mess and he was dressed only in his boxers and a bathrobe. Camille giggled a little at how classic Nick that was.

Nick studied the girl standing in front of him for a moment. He almost didn’t recognize her. Her hair was shorter now and a much darker brown colour than it had been when they’d first met. It didn’t take long for him to put the pieces of the puzzle together, though.

“Camille?” Nick asked, thought it was sort of a redundant question. He knew that it was her standing before him.

“Hey.” She replied, giving him a half smile. Talk about awkward situations. They hadn’t spoken to each other since that night at Chris’s apartment.

The both stood there silently for a moment, not really knowing what to say to each other. “Come in.” Nick finally said, ushering her inside his room.

Camille walked inside and sat down on the bed. She glanced around the hotel room. It was fairly nice. She sighed a little, she and Nick had never dated while he was on tour. She wondered a little what that would have been like. There was so much tension in the room, it was making Camille pretty uncomfortable. “So, do you always answer the door in your robe?” She asked him, trying to break the ice a little. “What if I had been a crazy fan?”

Nick laughed. “Then I guess you would have gotten an eyeful.”

They sat in silence for a moment, not really knowing what to say to each other. They both had so many things to say, and didn’t know where to begin. Camille finally broke the silence.

“I’m sorry about what happened when we broke up, Nick.” She said slowly. She’d done quite a bit of thinking after their relationship had ended, and she’d felt quite guilty about the way they’d ended things.

Nick gave her a sad smile. “Don’t worry about it. Shit happens, you move on.”

Camille nodded. “Yeah.” She said quietly.

“So you moved back home I take it?” Nick asked her, thinking that a change of subject was in order.

“I did.” Camille replied. “After the whole bullshit with Chris, I moved out of his apartment and stayed with Brittany until the semester was over. Then I moved back here.”

“I’m sorry you had to leave Florida.” Nick said sincerely. He knew how much she’d loved it there. That had been part of the reason they’d broken up, after all. She hadn’t wanted to move. Ironically, she’d ended up having to anyway.

“It’s okay. I’m fine back here.” She said, looking at him. There was another awkward silence where neither one of them really knew what to say. It was strange how that happened. They used to be able to talk to each other for hours on end. Now they couldn’t have a conversation without it feeling strange and forced. “I have your new CD.” Camille tried again to break their silence. “I really like it.”

“Thanks.” Nick replied. “Do you want me to sign in?” He joked.

Camille laughed. “I think I’ll be okay.”

Nick searched her face for a moment. She looked a lot happier than the last time he’d seen her. More calm, more at peace. It was a good thing. He remembered Camille being overwrought a lot of the time, so it was a good thing that she’d seemingly managed to mellow out. “Not to sound weird or anything, but how did you find my room?”

“I ran into AJ downstairs and he told me you guys were on the 15th floor.” She explained, shrugging. “He assumed I wanted to see you I guess, ‘cause he said that your room was right across from the elevators.”

Nick nodded. “Well, I’m glad you came.”

She smiled. “Yeah, me too.”

There was that silence again. After everything they’d been through, Nick didn’t think it was possible for things to be so awkward between them. Evidently he was wrong. “So uh… what did you do with that ring?”

“I wore it for a few months after we broke up.” Camille admitted. “I missed you so much…”

“I missed you too.” Nick replied, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts. “But I’m glad it happened. We weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready.”

Camille laughed. “I know, just think about it. We would have been married by now.”

Nick bit his bottom lip. He was still years away from even beginning to think about settling down. The thought that he’d come so close terrified him. What the hell had he been thinking? “I know. Scary, isn’t it?”

“You’re telling me!” She giggled. “What were you thinking?”

Nick shook his head. “I wish I knew.”

Feeling a little more comfortable, Camille decided to jump into another taboo subject. “So… are you seeing anyone?”

Nick shrugged. After the whole drama with Camille and having a train wreck relationship with Paris Hilton, he wasn’t exactly in the most optimistic mood when it came to relationships. “Not really, it’s kind of hard when you’re touring all the time. Are you?”

Camille nodded. “Yeah, I met him at school.”

“Of course.” Nick smiled, remembering how much Camille loved University. “Does he know you’re here visiting your ex boyfriend?”

Camille rolled her eyes. “Yeah.”

Nick found that he was actually enjoying talking with her. He usually didn’t stay on good terms with his exes, but maybe now he and Camille would be able to be friends. After all, it wasn’t as though they hated each other. “Hey… do you think it would be cool if we kept in touch? I mean, not like anything… in that way. I know you have a boyfriend. But I mean, just talked once in a while?” Nick asked her.

“I’d like that.” Camille agreed with him.

“Me too.” Nick said, happily. “Actually, I haven’t eaten yet. Do you want to go grab something?”

Camille grinned. “Olive Garden?”

Nick chuckled, apparently some things never change. “Sure, just let me get changed.”

After having talked to Camille, Nick couldn’t help but feel like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He’d been depressed for a long time over their break up, and now he’d finally gotten the closure that he’d needed. As much as he’d loved her, he knew now that some things just weren’t meant to be.

Wait for the year to drown
Spring forward
Fall back down
I’m trying not to wonder where you are
All this time lingers undefined
Someone choose
Who’s left and who’s leaving
The Weakerthans – “Left and Leaving”

I don’t have a whole heck of a lot to say about this story, but I feel like it won’t be truly finished until I place some sort of rambly author’s note at the end lol.

This story was very hard for me to write. It hit really close to home for me personally, more than I wanted it to at times. Eventually it took a direction that strayed pretty far away from my personal life, but those first few chapters were really… yeah. It was hard to write. The chapter where Nick, Chris and Camille were at the airport was really sad for me. I thought it would be easy to write about something that I was going through, when instead that made it ten times harder. However, writing is very therapeutic, so this did help me get some stuff out… and let me embellish the situation in excellent ways like the little drama queen that I am. So that part was fun.

If you notice, all of the major chapters have a little snippet of a song at the beginning. I listened to a lot of The Weakerthans while writing this story. Their music reminded me a lot of Nick and Camille. The bulk of it is very sad and slow, but there are a few upbeat songs thrown into the mix. Also, the story is named after one of their CDs and songs so I figured it would be fitting to use some of their lyrics. I highly recommend them, they’re quite the unique music group and I found them to be very inspiring. Though, John K Samson would probably be outraged to find out I used his words as means for inspiration for a Backstreet Boys fan fic, lol. Either way, check them out. Yeah, it’s a shameless plug, but I think they deserve it cause they’re awesome and I took their title haha. I love the line “Back with the streets I know” it makes me giggle every time.

I also want to take this time to thank everyone that reviewed this story. There are a lot of you, and I appreciate it very much. Thank you, I’m glad you all enjoyed it so much. I tried to take the time to respond to each and every one of your comments. Every time I saw a new review, it made me really happy. I can’t thank you guys enough for all your wonderful feedback. Thank you, thank you, thank you! All of you are awesome and I hope you’ll continue to read my stuff. Those of you that write as well as read, I’m trying to get around to reading your stuff as well to return the favour :) Honestly at some point I really felt as though I was doing a poor job with this story, but your encouraging comments made me feel better. Thanks so much, it really means a lot that you guys enjoy my writing.

I’m sorry that they didn’t end up together in the end, I know some of you were hoping for it, so I hope you’re not too upset with the ending. Sometimes in life things don’t always work out no matter how much we want them to, and that’s really what I wanted to portray with this story. (Also, I’m bitter. Lol) I think if I would have written them together the story would have felt forced and unrealistic. But hey, it worked out for them in the end! Camille found another nice guy, and well… there’s no reason this story can’t work in the timeline with In Pieces and My Happy Ending… so let’s pretend Nick ends up with Ashleigh LOL So he’s happy too.

I very much need to thank my friend Darby (cabybakes) for all her help. I was really stuck on what should happen, and she came up with the wonderful idea of Nick walking in on Chris and Camille. So all of you that enjoyed that scene, it was her idea, I just ran with it. She’s an amazingly talented author and I hope all of you go read her story, Casual, because I ADORE it.

As hard as this story was for me to write, I had a lot of fun once it took a turn away from my own experiences. Nick and Camille were very different characters than what I’m used to writing, so it was a fun adventure for me. It was a little out of my box, not a whole lot, but a bit. Now that this is over, I think I’m going to try something a little different. I’ll probably start on an AJ story to switch things up a bit. I’ve finished three Nick stories now, so I’m excited to try something new! Wish me luck LOL

Okay, I think that’s enough rambling. Again, thank you all for your kick ass feedback. You all rock to the extreme, you really do. You guys are the reason I love AC so much. Thank you! *muah*

----Saka xoxoxoxo