It tingled. And then…it tingled again.

Mare stared in horror at the sight of her posterior as it seemed to glow and simultaneously feel as though it had fallen asleep.  It was odd, this glowing sight of her butt. It was definitely not normal.

Then, it jiggled.  Her eyes widened even more as her butt not only glowed and tingled but now began to move on its own.  It was as though it had a life of its own! What was happening?

Even as she watched, stupefied and terrified, her butt jiggled in an increasingly noticeable way.  No matter what she did—sitting on it, holding it still—it defied her wishes and jiggled faster.

“Dude, what’s up with your butt?”

Mare’s head whipped around, and her eyes bulged as she spotted the youngest member of the Backstreet Boys staring curiously at her backside.  He glanced up at her with a questioning look before creeping closer towards her renegade butt.

“How do you do that? That’s a really cool trick, by the way,” he added with a grin.  “I mean, I’ve always tried, but I can’t.”

“Um, uh, well…” Mare found herself in the oddest of circumstances, which grew odder still as her behind began to hum.  “Oh my goodness. No.”

Nick Carter’s brows flew up.  “Whoa.”

She wanted to die.  Her cheeks were flaming, but her butt was singing…

“I want it that way,” Nick sang along, his grin wider.  “I really don’t know how you do it, but that’s awesome! You gotta teach me!” He started trying to shake his butt too, and Mare was torn between twin urges to laugh and cry.

“Nick! What the hell are you doing?”

Mare’s head whipped around again—Man, I’ll get whiplash if this keeps happening, she thought to herself—and spotted the remaining three members of the Backstreet Boys staring strangely at the sight of Nick shaking his booty.

“Dude, I’m just trying to do what her butt’s doing!” He turned to Mare excitedly.  “Show them what it does!”

She really wanted to die now.  AJ was eyeing her butt as he crept closer, Brian folded his arms and remained several feet away, while Howie just surveyed the scene with a raised eyebrow.

“Whoa, it’s really moving!” AJ announced, surprised.  He looked up at Mare’s flushed face.  “That’s an awesome ass you got right there.”

“Um, thanks…?” Mare backed up against a wall, hoping her rebellious behind would stop jiggling.  She knew it was excited to meet the—OMGZ!—Backstreet Boys, but she really wished it wouldn’t embarrass her this way.  

Nick made puppy dog eyes at her.  “Aww, come on. Don’t do that! I wanna learn how to shake my butt like that, too!” He attempted to do the butt jiggle that Mare’s butt was currently doing…and failed.

Brian cracked up while Howie just shook his head and hid a secret grin behind his hands.  “Where’s my camera when I need it?” Brian chuckled.  “Keep going, Nick. I’m sure we could put it up as the next Nick’s Corner for the fan club.”

“Can you imagine how many of our fans would have instantaneous heart attacks if we did that?” AJ wondered as he, too, was unable to contain his mirth and bowled over laughing.

Mare was growing rather frustrated, what with her butt tingling and the Backstreet Boys laughing.  Folding her arms, she gave them her sternest glare and pulled out her teacher voice.  “I’m sure this is all well and fun for the four of you, but some of us, namely me, are not pleased with the way our…ahem…butts are behaving.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go die of mortification now.”

The Backstreet Boys stared at her—shocked into silence at her really awesome teacher voice—as she turned away, butt ever-tingling, to find a place where she could pretend none of this had ever happened. Oh, and to hope her stupid butt would stop tingling, for crying out loud!

Before she could make a clean getaway, Nick grabbed her hand and tugged her back.  “Aww, we were just joking!” He paused, brow furrowed for a moment.  “Okay, they were just joking.  I’m serious about wanting to learn.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose, yeesh!” Mare exploded.  “My butt just does this stupid tingly thing around new people, and, this time, it’s taking things a little too far. I don’t know why it’s doing this, and I most certainly have no idea how you can shake your butt in the same way. Okay?”

“Man, no need to get so cranky,” he muttered, taken aback.

AJ snickered.  “Nick, your butt jiggles when you walk, anyway. Why do you want to learn how to make it jiggle even more?”

Nick’s face turned red and, even as Howie and Brian chortled gleefully, he started yelling obscenities at AJ, who turned around and retaliated right back.

Amidst their screaming and laughing, Mare stood there, feeling her butt jiggle even more crazily than before.  It was seriously getting out of control, and she worried that it might just pop off her body and jiggle itself away somewhere.  When she craned her neck to look back at it, her eyes widened, and she screamed.

XXX

“Twenty-seven year old Mare was unconscious when an ambulance rushed her to an undisclosed hospital in the Lehigh Valley earlier today.  The Backstreet Boys were with her, and, when asked about why Mare had suddenly collapsed, all Howie Dorough was able to say was, ‘Her butt’. This answer is rather perplexing, but we’ll get you the latest information as we receive it.”

Sam frowned at the radio while Dean snickered.  “Who passes out because of their butt? Seriously.  I mean, it’s a butt.  It just kinda…hangs around back there, chilling.  You know?”

Sam rolled his eyes.  “Dean, let’s talk about more important things.  Like, our next job, maybe?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just getting a kick out of imagining a possessed butt.  Maybe this Mare chick is hot. I wouldn’t mind exorcising her butt if it were-”

“Dean! Think with your upstairs brain!” Sam cried, tired of his older brother’s dirty mind.  He’d been stuck with Dean since birth, and, once puberty hit, Dean had developed a cavalier attitude towards every female human with boobs and a butt.  Sam, being on the more polite side, tried to ignore and excuse Dean’s remarks, and, for the most part, he succeeded.  Unfortunately, there were still times when it got too annoying to handle.

The next hour passed in silence in the Impala.  Well, as silent as the classic rock Dean blasted through the speakers could be.  Sam had grown bored with the middle of Pennsylvania as it was nothing but farms, farms, and, oh!, more farms.  “Frickin’ Pennsyltucky,” he muttered under his breath, his eyes beginning to droop with the dullness of the scenery.

Just as he was about to drift off, the radio crackled.

“We have more news on the Butt Incident here in the Lehigh Valley.  An unnamed source inside the hospital has reported that Mare’s butt was, indeed, glowing as rumored.  Doctors are puzzled as to why a human posterior would glow, and, apparently, Mare has also been heard crying out about the tingling sensations in her behind. The Backstreet Boys remain at her bedside through this trying ordeal.  That’s all we have for you now; stay tuned for more updates.”

“Dude!” Dean bounced excitedly in his seat.  “It’s totally possessed! How awesome is that?”

Sam rolled his eyes, but his mind was full of questions.  “Maybe we should check it out, Dean.  You never know.”

Dean let out a whoop, and the Impala sped up.

XXX

“Oh my goodness,” Mare groaned.  “Why won’t you people go away? You’re not even my family! Where’s my family?”

Brian frowned at the sight of her, lying in a hospital bed.  “You know, you’re not being very grateful to us.  We were the ones who saved you when you collapsed because of your, um, behind.”

“Yes, well, thank you so much, but you can go now,” she growled at them, swinging her legs to the side of the bed.  She was tired of doctors poking and prodding at her, demanding to know everything about her in order to understand why it was her butt tingled and glowed.  If she wasn’t careful, she was sure she’d end up in the Guinness Book of World Records as the first person to have a tingly, glowing, moving butt with a mind of its own.

Thankfully, it hadn’t started singing again…yet.

“We really are concerned about you,” Nick began.  He was perched on a chair in the corner of the room and watched Mare as she hopped out of bed.

She scowled at him. “You’re not concerned about me, mister. You just want a free butt jiggling lesson.”

Nick made a face at her, she stuck her tongue out at him, and he turned to AJ and blurted out, “Her butt was singing before, too!”

“Hey!”

Her yelp of indignation did nothing to prevent the Backstreet Boys from staring at her behind even more closely than before.  “Does it really sing?” Howie asked her, his eyes wide.  “I mean, I guess I believe it because, after all, it does glow and stuff.”

“Maybe an alien possessed your ass,” AJ suggested.

“Or it could be a demon,” a new voice quipped from the doorway.

Mare and the Backstreet Boys turned to find the Winchesters standing inside the door.  Dean’s eyes were, predictably, immediately glued to Mare’s backside.

“Who are you?” she demanded, her brows lowering into a stern expression.  “You don’t look like doctors.”

“God, I hope not,” Dean smirked. “Unless you want to play doctor-patient.” His brows wiggled suggestively.

Sam muffled a groan, but AJ nodded and grinned.  “That’s what I’m talking about! Finally, someone else who thinks like me.” He extended a hand to Dean.  “I’m AJ.”

“Dean.” He shook AJ’s hand before looking over at Mare again.  “So, my brother, Sam, and I investigate extraordinary incidents, and we heard about yours.”

“The human body doesn’t have a tendency to glow,” Sam continued.  “So when we heard about your, um, problem, we thought we should check it out.”

Mare frowned.  “So you’re what, witch doctors?”

“No, we’re…ghostbusters! Ooh, or buttbusters!” Dean sang and cracked up.  AJ and Nick snickered at Mare’s expression.

“Okay, that’s it!” Mare put her hands on her hips.  “All of you need to just go! I’m not okay with you boys standing around, making fun of my serious problem.  So, shoo!” She waved her hands like crazy and secretly wished for a few groundhogs and unicorn to help her chase the stupid men away.  They might have been really cute, but they were not making her feel any better about her still tingling butt.

Sam tried to placate her.  “Look, I’ll apologize for my brother because he’s obnoxious.”

“Hey-”

“We really do want to help you because there might be something seriously wrong,” Sam continued, ignoring Dean’s indignant cry.  “I’m not sure who these other guys are, but, since they’ve been with you since the start of this incident, they might have seen something that you didn’t, which could help us fix you.”

“Yeah,” Nick declared proudly.  “That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you the whole time! We can help you!”

“Not if you keep staring at my butt like that you won’t.” She glared at him, and he slid his eyes away sheepishly.  Mare turned back to Sam.  “So you’re saying you can fix my tingling butt?”

Sam nodded eagerly.  “Dean and I have taken care of all sorts of problems.  Compared to them, yours is like a fluffy bunny.”

“Fluffy bunny, my ass,” she muttered and earned a smile from AJ.

“Hell, yeah, your ass.” He winked and glanced down before she could swat at him for checking out her posterior again.

“Ugh. You know, if you” she pointed to the Boys “weren’t a group that I’m fond of, and you” she pointed to Sam and Dean “didn’t remind me of the brothers on one of my favorite TV shows, I would so kick you out of this room.  However, I do have this stupid butt issue that I’d really like to fix, so maybe I could use your help.”

Dean grinned.  “Awesome!” He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.  “What do you say we get started, huh, Sammy?”

“Don’t call me that,” Sam hissed at him before nodding at Mare.  “Yeah, let’s do this.”

“Okay,” she replied hesitantly, still unsure if that this wasn’t going to get her into trouble sometime in the near future.  Then again, Dean was pretty attractive…

Dean winked at her.  “So, Mare…Can I call you that?”

She blinked.  “Um, yes. What else were you going to call me?”

“Well-”

Sam clamped a hand over Dean’s mouth.  “Mare’s fine.  Nice to meet you, Mare.”

“Yeah, you, too.” Though she couldn’t help but eye them both dubiously. Behind her, the Backstreet Boys stared attentively at her butt.

“So,” Dean began as he slowly started to edge around Mare in order to have an unobstructed view of her butt.  “What, exactly, is it that your, er, problem involves?”

Nick’s hand shot into the air. “Ooh! Pick me, pick me! I know the answer to this!”

Howie dragged Nick’s hand down.  “It’s not your story to tell, Nicky.  It’s not like your butt tingles and glows.”

“Hey, you never know-” Nick began but was cut off by Dean.

“Quiet in the peanut gallery, blondie.” Nick glared at Dean, but Dean shrugged and turned back to Mare.  “So, Mare, what’s going on?” He couldn’t resist and ended up winking at her as he asked the question.

Mare really wanted those groundhogs to shoot through the linoleum floor and bite these stupid, but hot, boys on the ankle, but she doubted that would happen.  Maybe, if she just answered their questions, they’d disappear.  “Well, my butt just sort of…tingles…from time to time.  Today, it’s just been tingling all over the place.”

“And glowing and jiggling and singing,” Nick added.

“Singing?” Sam’s brows lifted so high, Mare couldn’t see them under his hairline.  It actually wasn’t a surprise that she couldn’t see them because the guy needed a haircut STAT.

“Yeah.” She folded her arms over her chest and glared at him.  “You got a problem with my singing butt?”

He faltered a bit before recovering his composure. “N-no.  Of course not.”

“Any other odd symptoms?” Dean inquired, his eyes fixed to where there was a weird glowy light emitting through her hospital gown.

“No,” she snapped, trying to turn away from prying eyes.  Her diabolical mind started crafting up evil ways to seek revenge on the six men for this embarrassing episode.  Maybe I could have Sam carve “idiot” into Dean’s skin deep enough that it leaves permanent scars. Oh, wait. Already did that with Nick and Brian…

Sam decided he’d better do some damage control and opened his mouth.  “Has it ever-”

“Do you mind if I take a closer look at it?” Dean asked, smirking.

“What?! No!”

“Wow, it’s starting to do that jiggling thing,” AJ commented.  Nick nodded in agreement, and Mare wanted to scream.

She could feel it doing the weird jumping thing, too, and she didn’t even bother glaring at all six men, who were suddenly crouching behind her, watching in fascination.  Evil groundhogs, come out, come out, wherever you are! I really need you!

“Can I touch it?” Nick asked in hushed tones.

Brian smacked the back of Nick’s head.  “You’re not in a church, Nick.  It’s a normal human body part; not something sacred.”

“It could be possessed,” Sam pointed out.  “To some cults, that is sacred.”

“Satan worshippers,” Brian muttered under his breath.

Mare rolled her eyes and tried to ignore them as she plotted evil plots in her mind.  Perhaps she’d get her evil assistant, and the other half of her brain, Julilly, in on the action.  Julilly was bound to have great ideas for revenge.

When Mare felt someone poke her butt, her jaw dropped, and she whirled around, her face conveying how wrathful she felt just at that moment.  “Who did that?” she roared.

None of them replied, and her butt suddenly burst into song. Mare clapped her hands over her face as the Backstreet Boys and the Winchesters stared, stupefied, in silence at her singing behind.

When she could take it no longer, Mare cried, “Can’t you go find some voodoo priest and lay some mojo on me?! You said you could fix it!” She glared at Sam and Dean, who couldn’t tear their eyes away from the singing, jiggling, tingling, glowing butt.  “Do something before I smite you!”

“We don’t know what to do,” Dean shouted back.  “We’ve never had to deal with something like this before!”

“I don’t think this was in any of the books that we’ve ever studied about supernatural occurrences,” Sam added.

Mare threw up her arms in despair and frustration.  “Oh, great! So I’m that weird girl with the tingling butt? Is that what I’m going to be known for now?”

Howie stood up and placed a soothing hand on her shoulder.  “Why don’t we all calm down, okay? We’re not going to get anything done if we scream at each other.”

Mare just glared at all of them, but she had to admit she felt slightly better when Howie patted her shoulder. Maybe he wouldn’t die quite so gruesomely in her next story.  In the silence that followed, her butt continued to tingle, though, thankfully, it had stopped singing.

Finally, Sam spoke up.  “Well, I’m sorry we couldn’t do anything for you, Mare. We might be able to find something if we did a little research.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed.  “You said your butt tingled sometimes. Is there anything in particular you’ve noticed about when it tingles?”

Mare sighed.  “It happens when I meet new people that I like.”

Brian, being the quick little gnome he was, connected the dots.  “So that means that you like all of us? Ha! I knew you couldn’t resist the Backstreet Boys. Alright!”

She ignored him.  “I’m sure if I met someone that I didn’t like-”

The hospital room door flew open, and a young nurse burst in excitedly.  “This is so exciting! Not only do we have the Backstreet Boys here today, but Justin Timberlake just stopped by to see the woman with the glowing butt! Isn’t that so exciting?”

And, before anyone could respond to her gleeful statement, Justin entered the room, exuding his usual mix of arrogance, rattiness, and cockiness.  He winked at Mare.  “You must be the one I’ve been hearing about.”

The Backstreet Boys, Sam, Dean, and Mare ignored his statement as Mare’s butt suddenly stopped doing anything extraordinary and began acting like a normal derriere.  Everyone stared at it for several moments before Sam and Nick glanced from Mare to Justin Timberlake.

“Wow, dude,” Nick said to Justin in between snickering.  “Her butt just dissed you!”

“What?” Justin stared at him, confused…as he often was when someone spoke of belittling him, which was more often than his little brain realized.

Mare, too, glanced from her posterior to the men in the room, though she didn’t spare Justin a glance.  “Well, that’s that. I think it’s all better now.”

“Hmm, I guess all it needed was someone it didn’t like to be present, huh?” Dean winked at her again.

Mare rolled her eyes.  “Yes, yes. Thanks for the brilliant deduction.  I’m grateful for everyone’s help, but I have a life to get back to…don’t you?” She gave them her most diabolical glare and fixed an evil expression on her face, hoping that they’d get the point.

The Backstreet Boys nodded, mumbled to each other, then, with one last glance at Mare’s behind, shuffled out of the room.  Justin had already left, unable to find anyone to fawn over him.  Sam and Dean exchanged glances before they, too, hurried out, casting worried looks over their shoulders at Mare.

When the room was empty, she hurried to the window and, looking out, started laughing hysterically.  It looked like her evil groundhog minions had made it after all.  

I guess Nick really can jiggle his butt the way he wanted to, after all.