Kevin, Nick and AJ all waltzed into the house hauling bags from the truck “You think we got all we need? Nothing‘s missing?” Nick asked, chewing loudly on his gum.

“I don’t know but if you keep chewing that gum like that, you’re the one that’s going to be missing.” Kevin smacked Nick upside the head. “Quit it!” he demanded.

“Fine sorry…” he chewed even louder as he ran away from Kevin and out the door to the truck. “Ha…your too old you can’t run anymore.” Nick kept walking backwards till he tripped over one of Mason’s toys and fell on his ass.

“Yeah smart one big guy. Now quit playing around and help us damn it!” AJ snapped “I hope that Millie is ok? Howie said she had to stay in the hospital a couple of hours.” he grabbed more bags.

“She’s fine, Howie is with her. He’s the most responsible person…besides me. I would be worried if she was stuck with either one of you.” Kevin began to put the things away. “So your sure they will be here later tonight.”

“That’s what Howie said, that she was up and about so they were leaving. They should be about three hours away. I was thinking…maybe I should just marry her?” AJ said, letting out a big sigh as he cupped his face in his hands.

“What if Howie has feelings for her now. Who knows how many times they’ve been together AJ…don’t do it cause you want to be an ass!” Kevin lectured. “What about her…obviously she likes him…” AJ stared at Kevin a confused look on his face.

Howie looked over at Millie who was sound asleep, she had been asleep since they had left the hospital and now they were only a couple of hours away from Hollywood. If it was up to him, he would have turned around and started the trip all over again or better yet, had never given into AJ‘s request. He had no sense of remorse, but he didn’t want to feel the way he did.

She stirred and rubbed her eyes, a sleepy look on her face as she turned to look at him. She gave him a warm smile. Then realized that the sun had started to go down, that the last summer day that she was going to share with him was coming to an end. She bit her lip to keep the tears from seeping through her eyes.

“Are you ok?” he asked his voice was low.

Still feeling a little dizzy and the ringing in her ear she nodded her head “Yeah…still dizzy but I’m ok. Thanks.” she smiled again. “I’m guessing we are almost there?”

He nodded, “Yeah about two hours away from the Hills. Your dad called while you were sleeping. I told him what happened and he asked me not to wake you…he’s coming home tomorrow night.”

“Oh that’s great. Has my mother called? She should be home by now too. Anyways…so two hours away huh? It will all be over then?” she sighed loudly “Why does it hurt so much?” she turned to look at him, her eyes were teary.

He watched as they passed a ‘welcome to California’ sign. Then stared deeply into her eyes “What hurts?” he asked, feeling the reality of things settling in his stomach He looked away.

“Knowing that in less than two hours we’ll almost be complete strangers. That…” she took his hand and placed it on her face “I wont get to feel you touch me again…” she shed a couple of tears as she let go of his hand and turned towards the window “I guess it’s not as bad for you…since you don’t feel the same way.”

He blinked the tears that had nestled in his eyes “that‘s not fair…Millie. This wouldn‘t work out…AJ is my best friend you know.” he couldn’t let her know that it hurt him too, that the knots in his stomach were so intense, he felt he could hurl any moment.

The rest of the way was silent. Howie turned into the twisted hills leading to Kevin’s house, after a couple of minutes they parked in front of the gate. “I’m sorry Millie…” he took her hand and gave it a squeeze and honked twice. “I didn’t mean to hurt you…”

She leaned over her seat, placing her hand on his face and leaning in to cover his mouth with hers. The kiss deepened with every second that passed, but they parted as they heard the gate opening. He drove the car around to the doorway. Nick, Kevin and AJ stood at the doorway all smiles as they saw the twosome pull up.

“I love you…” she whispered one more time before he jumped out of the car. She had hoped that he would turn around and let her know that she was wrong, that he did love her too. Her ears still seemed to buzz and her body felt to weak to even open the door, let alone hop out.

Nick ran to embrace Howie who tried to keep a straight face, feeling his best friends arm wrap around him. He gave him a look, that let AJ know, he was feeling like shit. “How is she?” AJ asked opening Millie’s door “Hey Millie…” he looked at her pale face, he could see the tears in her eyes. “You ok?” he asked concern in his voice.

“I think I’m going to be sick again.” she heaved and covered her mouth.

Pulling her out of the car and helping her to the house, the rest followed. “She can stay in the room down the hall.” Kevin instructed as they all looked at each other, an awkward silence filled the room for a second as Kevin looked at Howie then AJ’s worried faces. Swallowing hard he turned to AJ “You should stay down here to…to take care of your fiancé.”

“Right” AJ answered dragging Millie to her room.

Howie wiped his face with the palm of his hand and watched the twosome disappear down the hall. “You ok D?” Kevin asked.

He faked a smile “Yeah I’m fine. So how was jail Nicky boy?” he continued to stare down the hallway.

“I was scared shitless…they made me dance to Hey Mr. DJ…and I couldn’t piss.” Nick ignored the tension in the air as he rambled on about his jail time.

In the bedroom AJ watched as Millie washed her face “So how was the trip?” he rubbed his hands together nervously.

“It was good…but I lost the dress. The whole purpose of coming here…and it got me thinking AJ” she cleared her throat as she paused looking at the carpet and twiddling with her fingers. It was now or never, she had to tell him.

AJ‘s heart began to pound , all this time he wanted her to let him know she didn’t want to marry him, that was the purpose of Howie being in the picture. So her guilt would could eat at her and she would be the one to call it off, sparing him the difficulty of having to tell her HE didn’t want to get married. But now looking at her twiddle with her fingers and watching her open her mouth to say it, he didn’t want to hear it “Did you get along with Howie?” after he interrupted he cursed himself for bringing him up again. He could see the pain in her eyes with the mention of the name.

She took a seat next to him on the bed, “It was fun and scary. A lot of shit happened to us that you don’t know about…because you never called me.” she wasn’t sure she wanted to continue with the ‘we don’t belong together speech’ but she was already fired up, “Is there something you want to tell me AJ?” she questioned him as she looked into his eyes.

He faked a smile “No, not at the time. It’s really late, you’ve been sick and I think you just need to rest. If you want we can talk tomorrow before the barbecue. Ok? I’m going to be across the room if you need me.” he kissed her cheek and walked out.

As soon as she saw him close the door, the tears began to spill from her eyes and down her cheeks. All she wanted was to see Howie walk through the door and stay with her, lay down next to her and caress her hair until she feel asleep, but she knew it wouldn’t happen again. Burying her face in her pillow she cried herself to sleep.

The next day Millie awoke to a small bundle nestled into her ribs, she smiled at the sight of the beautiful child peacefully asleep. Then noticed Howie fast asleep on the fancy recliner his arms crossed and his head slightly falling off the chair, the same faint snore that she had heard on their trip came from his agape mouth. She giggled, then shrieked when his eyes flew open, he busted into laughter as she smacked him.

“You scared the crap out of me.” just as she made way to the bathroom to wash her face the doorbell rang.

“I”ll get it” Howie ran down to open and found AJ standing with a basket in hand and a big smile.

“Ready?” they embraced “Is she here? Damn it smells out here” he looked around.

“Yup…and yup! She hurled all over me last night.” he nodded pressing his lips together and raising his eyebrows.

“Wow you have that effect on her huh? Hum…shows she‘s not over your betrayal.” he entered chuckling and taking off his sunglasses he took a seat on the sofa.

Millie was feeling much better this morning. She had already washed her face and pulled her hair into a ponytail. Now she pulled on her jean skirt and a black and pink layered tank top.

Mason cried as she came out of the bathroom and cradled him in her arms “Ok…smells like a dirty diaper huh?” she took him into his room laying him on his changer she carefully unlatched his diaper from the sides and gasped at the sight of the green poopie sitting in his diaper. She scrunched her nose at the whiff “Howie!” she shouted as she heaved, covering her nose and mouth at the same time.

A couple of seconds later Howie stood at the doorway trying to catch his breath “What? What happened?” he asked concern all over his face. “Damn…” Coming close to the twosome, he moved his hand over his face trying to wave away the odor coming from Mason.

Heaving again she didn’t say a word and ran off, bumping into AJ at the doorway, but she continued her way towards the bathroom. “Ouch!” AJ held his shoulder as he watched her run down the hall. “What’s with the hurling?” he asked gagging at the smell “Never mind…” he was a little concerned, he remembered the doctor saying that she would be fine no more than a week after. It had almost been two weeks ago.

Howie stared at the small child that had found a toy and stuffed it in his mouth “How the hell does such awful smell come from a small butt. Tell me?” he held his nose as he pulled Mason’s butt off the diaper and instructed AJ to take hold of the infested thing. He thanked God at the moment that he wasn’t a father and didn’t plan on it either. Something he liked about Leigh, they had agreed that there would be no kids any time soon.

“Why me? I’m a guest and I know squat about kids!” he caught a glare from Howie who said nothing, since he held his breath. “Fine” AJ carefully took the diaper from under Mason and held it from both ends like it was a bomb and with any wrong movement it would explode. “Now what?”

Taking a deep breath Howie pointed to the trash can beside him “Shove it into that shit…I’ve seen Kevin do it. Hurry damn it.” he still held Mason’s little butt in the air.

AJ stuffed the diaper deep into the hole that sucked up the diaper like a vacuum. “Oh hell no! No kids for me never…and if so I’m having someone change their shitty diapers.” he looked at Howie who looked somewhat bothered by his situation “Well…clean him.”

“How do you do that?” Howie looked around for a rag “This is like the mommy job.”

“Well what does Kevin do next…after he puts the diaper in that thing?”

“Uh…usually Mason already has a clean one on.” he smiled sheepishly. “You know him he’s a pro…”

“Looks like he got a hang of the daddy thing quick. You on the other hand…would…uh suck!” AJ began pretending to laugh, the guilt of not telling his best friend he had been pretty close to being one, bothered him. His thoughts came to an abrupt stop as he caught a menacing glare from Howie.

Just as the two began to debate, Millie walked through the door. “Sorry!” she smiled weakly and giggled at the two men. “Jeez guys it’s just a little butt, not a bomb. Here” she took hold of Mason’s little feet and pulled out two wipes from a box under the changer. She wiped him clean and then grabbed a new diaper and tucked it under his bum, and wrapped it around him. “There he’s good as new” she smiled picking him up.

“Wow you would be a good mommy..." AJ quickly looked down at the carpet regretting his comment. Then he looked up apologizing with his eyes, she smiled. “Well how about you guys get ready. CLEAN Mason and I will wait for you downstairs.” he took the smiling child from Millie and began his way down the stairs “Ready to see the animals Mason?” he squealed with delight as his uncle AJ spoke “…yeah…me too…”

Millie and Howie looked at each other “Thanks for saving me there. I’m bad at the baby thing…I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for them. Actually I don’t want any…” he sighed, running his hand through his messy hair.

“What if…” she began, catching his dark eyes on her “Nothing…”

After an hour Millie walked down the stairs and met with AJ sitting his head tilted to the back and his feet up on the coffee table, his fingers clicking rapidly at the control “Who would think that with satellite there would be so many boring channels.” He laughed turning it off.

She smiled nervously holding Mason’s bag over her shoulder “I hope I got all I need…I’m not used to babies. Milk, diapers, wipes, extra clothes, cookies…I think that sounds about right?” she questioned, wanting more to declare.

“So how are things with you and D? Are you guys all made up now? I‘m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn‘t mean to…” he stood up “Millie…?”

Putting the bag down she sighed heavily “AJ don’t torture yourself over this anymore. Its done…everything about babies will always bring tears to my eyes and a nasty feeling in my gut…He's been nice and apologized. I'm just afraid of looking him straight in the eyes. You think he still...”

AJ quickly interrupted her "Listen…there is something I think I should tell you…” he stood up stuffing his hands in his pockets. “It’s about D”

“What? Did he tell you something….what do you want to tell me…” she smiled weakly.

“Oh…I‘ll have to tell you later.” they quickly shushed as they heard Howie coming down the stairs. “We’ll continue this later…” he whispered.

At the zoo it was as if the place had closed down just for them, it was rare to see a cute family standing all together observing the animals. Or a child running a muck, their parent running and yelling behind them. The day had been long and was coming to an end, everything had gone smoothly and swift. They looked at animals, ate different snacks and laughed at all the faces and giggles that came from Mason with each animal they encountered.

“Uh…I have to go to the ladies room” she smiled, pushing the stroller towards the guys.

“AGAIN!” AJ exclaimed “You went about ten minutes ago.”

“AJ…your counting the times I go to the restroom…” she placed her hands on her hip.

“No, he’s not…just go we will be waiting right here. Ok?” Howie gave her a smile as he smacked AJ.

Millie entered the bathroom, a sigh escaping her she was tired. And somehow she was still looking pale. She wet her hands and then slapped herself lightly a couple of times. As she dried off her hands, her cell phone rang. “Hello” she answered.

“Hey there! How’s it going?” Sarah sounded cheery on the line. “I’m waiting bitch!”

“Oh…I have bags under my eyes…massive heartburn and I’m going to be sick again…” she dropped the phone and hovered over the first toilet she could make it to. As she regained herself, she could hear Sarah nagging on the line “Sorry…” she groaned.

“Now that was…GROSS! You know I’ve been thinking…and what if…”

Howie’s jaw dropped as AJ waited for a response. “Well…what if that is the case? What would you do?” AJ nodded his head, as he held his sunglasses out to Mason to keep busy. Thinking if he gave Howie a clue, that he would bring the subject up with Millie later in the evening.

“I don‘t know...I mean that would screw everything up with…” Howie began to fiddle with his fingers and pace from one end to the other. “My mother would kill me…imagine! I was married, then getting a divorce, now getting back together and I might have a child out of wedlock.” his eyes opened wide. “Shit…no, I can’t. It would ruin all…my plans.” he stared at nothing.

AJ stared at his friend, realizing why he really hadn’t mentioned anything. Knowing Howie he would go crazy and by impulse he would screw up by making some dumb request. It was a good idea not to tell him anything.

Millie waltzed out startling the two men “Oh sorry…didn’t mean to interrupt…“ She smiled uncomfortably as the two men looked at each other. The constant throwing up was really getting to her, she felt her head spinning and her stomach churning. She couldn’t understand what the hell was happening. The surgery had been almost two weeks ago.

AJ cleared his throat “Are you ok?” he asked as he took her hand in his.

She nodded and gave him a warm smile “Sorry I got sick again.” she looked at Howie who still paced and mumbled to himself, AJ’s eyes also falling on him and then back on her. “I think we should go now.” she demanded.

“Sure…we have been here all day.” AJ tried breaking the tension with a chuckle as he took charge of the stroller and walked a couple of steps ahead.

The drive home was extremely quite nothing but the radio playing. “How about we listen to something soothing…” AJ said changing the station to some slow music playing.

Suddenly Millie’s stomach flipped as she heard the familiar song on the radio. Without thinking or saying a word she reached in between the seats and shut the radio off. “Sorry I have a headache and I hate that song.” she snapped taking her seat and staring at snoozing Mason.

Howie looked at AJ and vice versa. “I love Endless Love it’s a damn romantic song. Lionel Ritchie is the shit!” AJ shrugged. Oblivious to the meaning of that song between Howie and Millie and neither spoke a word, making the car go completely silent all over again.

AJ was more than ready to drop off the threesome, the day had gone pretty smooth. But he couldn’t stop noticing the paleness in Millie. He was hoping that tonight the twosome would be able to work something out. That maybe Howie would now have the guts to tell her that he planned on moving back to Orlando, but with Leigh. That Millie would tell him about the baby. He helped them unload and was quickly off to his own home, where he didn’t have to deal with the tension between them.

Millie walked into the room, she carefully placed Mason in his playpen which was now in Howie’s room. “Well good night” she said walking out of the room.

Howie walked after her “Wait your not staying in here tonight?”

She didn't know what had happened, but anger took over her. She hugged herself “I don’t think it’s a good idea. I‘m feeling sick again and…I don‘t want to be an pain in your butt. ” she placed her hand against the wall to maintain her balance as she felt the hallway move.

“Is something wrong Millie? You’ve been kind of weird and if something is wrong with you I want to know about it. You can talk to me you know.”

“Can I? I mean…you lied to me…you deceived me!” she swallowed the knot in her throat. “I forgave you Howie, but nothing will ever be the same and I just cant confide in you. We aren’t friends…and I’m fine.” she turned without giving him a chance to speak.

Before she could make it to the room she was already in tears. She sat on the corner of the bed, thinking that she should be honest and tell him. She was doing the same thing he had done to her. Not being honest. The thought of having a part of Howie growing inside of her was breath taking, but also gone. Long gone. For a quick moment she hugged her stomach as she sobbed loudly.

She sniffed away the rest of the tears and inspected her face in the mirror. Why did it hurt so much, she thought she could do this. Be around him without feeling anything, but every time his eyes locked with hers, she felt like her knees would give out on her. She walked out of the room and opened the sliding doors, she stood outside overlooking the oblong pool.

Howie sat on the bed, staring at the door. Hoping that Millie would walk in with a sheepish smile, because she had been to chicken to stay downstairs alone. But the more he stared, the more his hopes diminished. He stood up debating on going to look for her, he didn’t want to be alone around her. Something wonderful or drastic could happen, and quite frankly he was afraid of either one of them.

Slowly he made his way downstairs and found Millie standing outside. She hugged herself, and he could tell that she was crying. “Millie…” he whispered as he stood in the doorway. “Are you ok?” he asked.

“No…” she stated not looking back at him and still staring at the rippling water in the pool. “I thought this would be easy but it’s not.” she sniffled as she turned to look at him.

He stared into her eyes, he could see the sorrow and an unfamiliar pain in them. Her face had paled since they had arrived “Millie…I…” he looked around as he approached her placing his hands on each one of her upper arms and staring into her eyes. “Oh Millie…” he said pulling her towards him and hugging her tight.

At first she didn’t move, but as the familiar scent hit her nose, and the warmth of his body overwhelmed hers she wrapped her arms around him tight and buried her face in his chest. She could feel his hands stroking at her head and running down to her back, slowly she lifted her head to meet his eyes “I’m sorry…I just missed you so much…and seeing you…it‘s killing me.” the tears ran down her cheeks.

“Don’t cry Millie…I’m right here” he lifted her chin with his hand and closed his eyes. He felt her lips brush against his, then just like the first time he took the initiative of covering his mouth with hers. His hands cupping her face and her arms wrapped around his waist.

After kissing for what felt like an eternity, without a word he took her hand in his and walked her up the stairs into the his room where Mason laid in his playpen sound asleep. She stood watching him remove his shirt, her heart beating rapidly, her breathing elevated. He was gorgeous, his adoring smile, his roaming eyes and his now bare chest. She smiled as he stood face to face with her. Lifting her arms to give him access to strip off her shirt, he understood her unspoken request and lifted it over her head.

She let down her hair, it fell over her shoulders and down her back. Howie stared at her, she was as gorgeous as the first night he had been with her. He kissed the side of her neck, as he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. He wanted to be with her so bad, he could feel his body yearning for her. So he cupped her head and pulled her against him, kissing her with vigor as she responded by unbuckling his pants and letting them fall to the floor.

They giggled as he did the same with her. Then she fell onto the bed and he came tumbling over her. He kissed her neck and then her shoulders, gently pulling the straps of her bra down. After a while of their roaming hands leaving them bare, he made a soft trail of kisses from her neck down to her stomach. Stopping at a fresh scar under her belly button, he ran his finger over it slowly.

She closed her eyes as she felt the tingling of his touch over her scar, their scar. A tear ran down the side of her face. He didn’t know what it represented. How it came about. And especially the pain it caused her and some day would cause him.

He wanted to ask, it was new. Instead he kissed it softly and continued his trail back up to her neck and then her mouth. Pushing himself into her slowly, moving with tenderness and watching her every facial expression. As she closed her eyes and let out a soft moan. He knew what he felt for her. What he was denying himself. He loved her. “I love you…” he said in his mind as their lips joined once again.

As usual around two in the morning Howie awoke, this time he wasn’t alone. He had a sleeping beauty next to him, her hair extended over the pillow in waves like silk. Her bare body nestled against him, wrapped around the expensive satin sheets. Mason was moving around, whimpering as he looked for his pacifier. Howie sat up taking in the moment, like if it was a scene in a movie. A beautiful woman and a baby in a play pen. He smiled, hovered over Mason and helped him find his pacifier, sticking it back into the sleepy babies mouth.

Howie turned his attention back to Millie, and noticed that his phone was lighting up and moving around as it vibrated on the dresser. “Shit” he mumbled running over to check it, his stomach sinking as he saw the name flashing. He hesitated to answer, but flipped it open “Hello” he whispered stepping out to the hallway and taking a seat.

“Hi…I almost didn’t call, but I know it’s become a habit to do so. I thought you might be waiting for me.” Leigh giggled “I’m just kidding. So what did you do today?”

“Sounds like some fun. So is she staying there with you and the baby?” she asked the line going silent as Howie remembered his earlier encounter with the sleeping girl. He smiled and answered softly “Yeah she’s in the babies room. That’s why I’m whispering they are next door and I don’t want to wake them” he lied, holding the phone in one hand and peaking through the door to make sure Millie was still asleep.

Millie shifted, and opened her eyes gradually when she felt the empty spot next to her. She looked around disoriented and then remembered what had happened as she felt the satiny sheets against her body. She sat up and noticed the hall light on. Imagining Howie downstairs making a bottle for the stirring child. “It’s ok…” she whispered, putting on her undergarments and the shirt Howie had been wearing. Tip toeing over to Mason, she took him in her arms as she hummed and rocked him back and forth.

“You think this is going to work Howard. Are you scared of trying again? I am. What if it doesn’t work out again and we just end up hurting each other.” the woman sounded sincere and he could hear the concern in her voice.

With a loud sigh he answered “I think that we should go for the plunge. Give it a try, we are married you know and well if it doesn’t work we can…” his eyes grew wide as he saw Millie standing at the door, holding Mason in her arms. “Uh…hey…” he fumbled on his words.

“You jerk.” she yelled as she made her way back into the room.

Howie sprung up from the floor “Listen Leigh the baby is crying and he won’t stop I’m going to have to call you later today. Ok…alright bye.” he closed his phone and walked into the room. “Millie” he said dodging something that flew by his head.

“You asshole, fucking asshole.” she flung one of Mason’s toys at Howie. “You liar….shit I fell for it all over again.” she placed her hands over her face. “I can’t believe you guys are really getting back together? You could have told me this BEFORE…”

Howie’s heart was racing and his hands were clammy as he placed the phone in the pocket of his sweat pants. “Millie I was going to tell you. It’s just that…I missed you and I…I got caught up in the moment.” he looked down at the carpet.

“Caught up?” she laughed hysterically “Nice to know I’m just a moment to you. Poor Leigh…I’m guessing you didn’t tell her you were just fucking me a couple of hours ago.” she crossed her arms.

“Don’t say that…you know it‘s not like that.” he snapped, then noticed that Mason stood in the play pen rubbing his eyes. “How about we get the baby back to bed and then we can talk.” he made his way towards the baby.

“No! I’m done with you…I’m never talking to you ever again.” she pulled the shirt over her head and flung it at him, walking out of the room in only her undergarments.

He swiftly grabbed Mason and the pacifier, sticking it back into his mouth to keep him from crying. “Millie wait!” he almost ran down the stairs reaching her at the bottom. “It just happened ok…I didn’t know that she wanted to get back together and you didn’t want to talk to me. I thought it was the best thing to do. Then tonight…you…and I…” He sighed in frustration as he placed the baby in his jumper. “Hold on little guy!”

Millie searched for clothes in her unpacked bag, finding some shorts and a T-shirt she changed as Howie stood at the doorway. This time she didn’t cry, the anger wouldn’t let her. Instead she flung a pillow at him, wishing it was something breakable. Then another, and another. “You’re an idiot…you have no idea what I’ve been through…Howie! I…” she stopped herself as he looked at her confused.

“What? Your not…well…?” he tried getting the words out, afraid of what the answer would be.

“Of course not. I’m just sick ok!” she interrupted him before he even said the word. Just he sound of the word coming out of his mouth, would have sent her into a crying fit.

“What’s that scar…what happened?” he swallowed hard, hoping that she would answer his question.

“It’s none of your business…it doesn’t matter.” he could see the pain and the tears in her eyes. He could tell that she was struggling to keep them from falling. Stupidly he had hurt her again. He thought if he could have one more night with her then it would help him with his decision. Then the call from Leigh only confused him more.

“I’m confused Millie…” he spoke softly still at the door.

Taking a seat on the bed, her back to him she spoke softly “I know…but I‘m not and I have never been. I was the idiot who thought that maybe you DID love me. That you were just afraid of letting me know.” her head bowed in defeat “But now I know that you love her…I understand…now please leave me alone.”

He stood in the doorway, wanting to let her know his real feelings, but it was to late. If he told her now, he would let down his wife. The woman he was bonded to. He swallowed hard as he began to turn away, she looked at him walking away then stood up to close the door.

He swiftly turned to find himself face to face with her again “I’m only going to say this once Millie…I do…” he breathed hard “I do love you…so much that it hurts. I hate that I‘ve hurt you…but…”

Her eyes sprung open as she watched his eyes fill with tears “But I’m also married and my family taught me that you don’t play around with marriage. So as of the day that I told her ‘I do’ it was a promise that I made to make sure she is taken care of. I have an obligation to make sure that my WIFE comes first. I‘m sorry” he turned back around and began down the hall.

Millie yelled at him “Yeah meanwhile FUCK everyone else right.” she slammed the door and leaned against it, overlooking the fact that the man had told her that he did love her. She should have been happy that he was only going back to Leigh as an obligation, but the fact that he was going back instead of staying with her was unbearable. She grabbed the phone and dialed.

The next morning AJ awoke to an arm around his waist, his neck hurt as he leaned against the headboard. He smiled as he traced her face with his finger, her eyes were swollen and the after breathes of a lot of sobbing made her chest rise and fall shakily. He was startled as he looked up to see Mr. Nunez in his red uniform looking at him curiously “Morning sir” he bowed his head.

“What the hell happened now? You know…” he began and sighed hard. Taking a seat at the end of the bed, patting Millie’s leg. “I never thought my little girl would go through so much drama over men. Not even as a teen did she have so much trouble. So what you doing here kid?”

He looked back down at Millie making sure that she was still asleep “Uh…she had another encounter with Howie, she said that they argued. I just know that around three thirty I was getting a phone call to pick her up, she was sobbing uncontrollably and yelling at Howie.”

He hadn’t been told everything but he could imagine it starting with Howie telling her that he was leaving back to Orlando after the concert with his wife, then all hell breaking loose. “So when I got there, Howie was balling like a baby in fact. He was surprised to see me, so I went to get her and they started arguing again. She smacked him around…” he smirked at that, the memory of Millie letting Howie have a couple of slaps was pretty entertaining. “Then we left…got here, she continued to cry and finally she fell asleep and so did I. I’m sorry…I just didn’t want to leave her alone.”

Mr. Nunez smiled at AJ “So you really don’t love her huh? She’s just your best friend and nothing else? Or where you just saying that so that Howie could have a clear shot that he doesn’t deserve. I always thought you were out for one thing Alexander.”

AJ smiled “Yeah I got that feeling. I must say that you were right, that’s why we fell apart, sex was more important then, than loving her.” he ran his fingers through her hair “I do love her Mr. Nunez, but she loves someone else and I respect that. I pushed her away and she…”

Millie groggily lifted up her head “Dad…AJ?” she questioned rubbing her eyes.

“Hey honey. I just got off of work. Are you ok?” he gave her a look and she jumped into his arms and began to cry again.

“He’s going to back to her, he doesn’t want me.” she cried with fury and agony.

AJ swallowed hard as he watched the twosome embracing. Watching her in so much pain broke his heart. He wanted to push a rewind button and never call Howie. Erase all those women he had shared nights with, when he was supposed to be with her. All those fights over her waiting for the right time.

All this time he had spent with her, the nights of laughing and playing around. Nights of just holding her in the dark as she cried. The horrible night in the hospital woke him up, from that long slumber he had been in, making him realize that his feelings were real. That he loved her. He loved Millie and not like a friend.

AJ puffed on his cigarette as he stood on a small balcony overlooking LA. He couldn’t stop hoping that his phone would ring and that Millie would be calling to let him know that she was coming to their first US concert. His thoughts were broken by the door slamming behind him, he ignored the person standing there.

“How long are you going to ignore me?” Howie asked, leaning his back against the railing and crossing his arms “I didn’t do it on purpose AJ.” he sighed hard, hoping to get a word from his best friend.

AJ flicked his cigarette into the air and turned to look at Howie “I just can‘t believe that you blew her off. I mean she really loves you, and she suffers so much cause you don‘t. She‘s been through a lot lately.”

There was a long pause of silence “She said that too! What has she gone through? What happened to her in the hospital AJ? Why does she have that scar?” his eyes shifted from the ground to AJ and back.

AJ gave him a surprised look “How do you know about the scar? It‘s right under her…no you didn’t.” he balled his fist, wanting to let Howie have a punch. “You asshole, no wonder she is all worked up. You slept with her? Again?” he looked away angry at Howie and at Millie for leaving that part of information out of her sobbing confessions.

Howie glared at AJ now “How the hell do you know where the scar is?”

“Very funny…don’t pretend to be fucking jealous of something that is not there. She loves you not me…anyways I was there that night. While you were getting back together with your wife, who left you in the first place.” he placed his hand on the doorknob flinging it open.

Both stepped into the stadium, walking and arguing at the same time. “Seriously AJ what the hell happened?” he grabbed AJ’s arm and swung him around “I want to know! I need to know.”

“Yeah well you don’t have a right to know. So stop asking me cause I’m not going to tell you. If you want to know ask her…actually stay the fuck away from her. I swear Howie if I see you even looking at her I’ll kick your ass.”

The twosome entered the dressing rooms forgetting that the rest of the group was getting ready. “Well go ahead…” he stood up to AJ “Let’s get this shit over with!”

Kevin cleared his throat and the twosome turned to find all eyes on them. Leigh, Leighanne and Kristin sat in the corner all staring in confusion. Kevin glared at the twosome already guessing the topic of their heated argument, Nick continued to fix his hair in the mirror trying to ignore the tension.

While Brian looked at the man he knew as the calmest in the group standing up to his band mate. “What in Christ’s name is going on here? What are you two arguing about? We are about to put on a show and your fighting.” he crossed his arms waiting for an answer.

“Fuck this…” AJ blurted walking out of the door, leaving Howie to answer all the uncomfortable questions.

Howie looked at the group, he wanted to cry he was so angry. At AJ for not telling him the truth and at himself for being an idiot. “Nothing it’s just that…” he didn’t know what to say. What was a good and logical reason to argue with your best friend. He gave Kevin a ‘rescue me’ look.

Kevin quickly cleared his throat, knowing he was doing wrong. “It’s AJ you know how he gets when he wants things his way. Let’s just finish getting ready…and let him calm down.” he placed a hand on Howie’s shoulders as they all continued what they were doing.

AJ continued to walk, his new bodyguard Eddie right behind him a tall, white, bald guy with muscles all over. He just kept walking in circles around the staple center floors. He watched the eager women with their posters, camera’s and smiles waiting to tumble in through the doors as soon as they would open.

Millie sighed hard as she saw the amount of girls in line, luckily AJ had given her a special pass to get through the gates. Suddenly a rather chipper girl came crashing into her “Oh my god your AJ’s fiance…that’s so awesome. Can I get your autograph please.” the girl squealed as she called another couple of girls over.

She looked around a smile on her face, sometimes while being out in the past she had been recognized. But never asked for an autograph. “Sure…” she smiled signing quickly “Thanks girls but I have to go make sure that AJ is ready to perform for you.” They waved and shouted that they loved him and she let out a sigh of relief as the smirking guard let her through. “Thanks”

Millie entered the huge place and took in the scenario, looking back at the screaming girls. She felt lucky for a couple of seconds. Then realized that she would have to face Howie and Leigh tonight, the smile faded and her stomach began to flip. She wiped her hands on her denim Capri’s and fixed her loose fitted button blouse. Her heels were already nudging at her feet but she ignored the discomfort.

AJ stood over the railing he saw her making way up the escalator. He smiled she looked gorgeous her long wavy hair fell over her shoulders a small clip holding her bangs from falling in her face. Her blouse exposed a revealing black under shirt. Her heels clacked on the floor as she explored the place not even noticing that he now leaned against one of the big post.

“Hi there” he smiled, as she jumped at the sound of his voice. Placing her hand over her heart she gave him a smile and then a smack on the arm. “Sorry didn’t mean to scare you” he rubbed his arm.

“Serves you right for sneaking up on me” she giggled as she grabbed onto his arm. “So we are a rebel today huh?” she took his hand in hers as she looked at his nails covered in black polish. He shrugged, “At least no eyeliner today.” she teased him.

He raised his eyebrows “Who says…I was waiting to borrow yours.” he chuckled as she pinched his underarm. “How’s the rest of the attire?” he posed in front of her as they continued to walk.

She inspected him, today he looked awfully handsome, his tight black shirt, with dark blue fitted jeans, and his chucks. “You look hot…wait Paris says that…you look phat” she giggled at the word.

“Good!” he took her hand and gave her a twirl “Well you look P.H.A.T too…didn’t want to say the word someone might walk by and think I’m insulting you.” they both laughed coming to a halt “We are here” they stood at the door “Everyone is inside. EVERYONE!” he emphasized.

She smiled and kissed his cheek “I’m ok, I’ll be fine. Promise!”

He took her hand in his again and they opened the door to find everyone in prayer circle, AJ felt like he was back to the old days, even Kevin was there. Quietly the twosome joined the praying group

Howie still had his eyes closed, but a familiar scent hit his nose and he opened his eyes. There she stood looking beautiful as always, her hair covered her face as she bowed her head. He continued to inspect her, then a rush of anger ran through him as he caught her hand connected to AJ’s. Angrily he closed his eyes again.

Millie felt the prayer was taking forever, but then again with everyone’s eyes closed no one could make eye contact, which was a good thing. Her eyes opened slowly, she got a glimpse of the tall, slender woman standing there, she wore a nice outfit. A little to business like for the occasion, then she saw him standing right next to her, his eyes closed. She stared for a second, then his eyes opened and met hers. Without thinking she closed hers again tight, but it was to late everyone was shuffling around her.

“Hey…prayer is over” AJ whispered in her ear.

Her stomach was tossing as she looked at him, swallowing the knot in her throat. “I can’t do this…I can’t!” she almost yelled “I have to go” she began to walk away.

Just as she walked to the door she was caught off guard by an embrace, everything seemed to be going in slow motion as she looked at Sara a big smile on her face “Where the hell do you think your going?” she asked, with her bouncy voice like always. “You weren’t trying to escape were you?” she teased squeezing her again.

Millie faked a smile “Oh no! I was just going to get some fresh…”

Suddenly everyone came up to greet her, Kevin, Kristen, Nick, Brian and Leighanne. “Hi guys…wow everyone is here” she pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear anxiously as she just heard voices, but her eyes met with his again.

Howie watched her, he could tell that she wanted to run. Leigh spoke next to him, but he couldn’t hear her, until she tapped him on the shoulder he broke the eye contact with Millie “Huh…what happened?” he asked.

Leigh looked towards the younger girl and then back at Howie, but she ignored it all “I was saying that they just announced you are on in ten.” she smiled “Are you ok?”

Howie took her hand in his “Yeah I’m good…” he watched Nick, Brian and then AJ shuffle down the tunnel out to the stage, he kissed her cheek and was off right behind them.

All the women looked at each other, Sarah at Kristen, Kristen at Leighanne and all of them at Millie and then Leigh. Millie could see the iciness in Leigh’s eyes, so she returned the glare.

“So…how about we go to our seats girls…” Kristen broke up the eye fight. “Come on Leigh…” she placed a hand on her shoulder and they walked out to the corridor and then into a door that led to their seats the rest following.

“Wow she hates you. I think she can sense it. You fucking her man.” she giggled.

Millie gasped at the choice of words “Sarah! That sounds so scandalous…they weren’t even together, so she has nothing to be mad about.” Millie huffed as she crossed her arms following Eddie down to their front row seats. The two girls laughed as they heard the girls screaming and the boys coming out on stage.

The lights went out and all that was seen were the guys on stage, dancing around to the beats of their song ‘Trouble Is’ Howie began the song closing his eyes as the words came out of his mouth “How come you never know what you got…until it’s gone…cause I never felt so good with anyone…How fooled was I...Into thinking I was gonna be alright...Okay, fine”

As he finished his part along with Nick, Brian and AJ followed with the chorus “So everyday I try a little harder to forget her...lie here convince myself tomorrow will be better...Trouble is I can’t get her out of my mind…when I close my eyes at night…whose gonna save me…now she’s gone.” Howie looked down at Millie who just stared at the stage, he could see the tears nestled in her eyes. "Now I know what it is...love is what the trouble is."

AJ looked at his best friend, somehow he could see the pain in his eyes as they continued to sing the song. He looked down at Millie and knew that she was uncomfortable. Almost forgetting he had to sing he continued as it came to an end “Love is what the trouble is…”

“I can’t do this…” Millie walked as the song ‘Inconsolable’ began. Almost running as she reached the VIP entrance and exit, Eddie letting her through. She huffed as she stood outside of the venue not a soul in sight. The voices echoed through the corridors as she huddled up against the wall to cry.

AJ huffed already tired of the choreography, glaring at Howie, whom seemed to be drifted off in thought. “You ass…” he yelled over Kevin who was coming out to sing one of their back in the day songs.

“Would you two be civilized!” Kevin shouted over the twosome, that were now bickering at each other. “Look we can’t do anything about it right now. Ok! You have to do this show…for your fans…and well cause it‘s your job.”

Brian stood a rather confused look on his face as he watched his band mates in a heated argument. He was clueless to what was happening. “I don’t know what the hal…ibut is going on but…you two have to stop. I thought you two were best friends?” he flung on his new wardrobe as his eyes shifted from Howie to AJ and vice versa.

“Well not for long” Howie stated slipping on his jacket and walking out of the room first.

Millie ordered two beers and stood in the middle of the staple center corridor drinking the beers as fast as she could. Listening to the guys sing one of their older songs ‘More than that’ she sang along to what she could hear. AJ’s voice echoed through the hall and she wished that she had the same feelings for him, she had had a while back.

After she guzzled the two beers she ordered two more and then made way towards the wardrobe room. There she looked around finding Howie’s section, taking a shirt of his and sitting on one of their lounging chairs she finished one beer and then the other. She sat taking a lungful of the familiar scent from the shirt and crying. A part of her knew it was wrong, that the concert would end soon. She would only sit there for a second, then put the shirt back.

The concert was finally over two hours later, never had AJ felt like it would never end. Usually he loved hyping up the girls and giving out flirtatious smiles, but tonight all he wanted to do was run after Millie and console her like he had been doing the past couple of days. He walked faster than the others, praying that she had decided to wait in the wardrobe room.

Howie looked at the ground passing him by as he walked. Tonight the show was supposed to be the big opening for the rest of the tour, a hype. But it was nothing, but a heartbreak. A slap in the face of what had happened the past months.

The five men entered the room and came to a sudden halt. The two cups were on the ground, Millie laid on the couch. Huddled up, one arm dangling off the couch, her long black hair over her face. A brown T-shirt she hugged like a teddy bear in her arms against her cheek.

“Yeah Leigh is really going to like seeing that.” Nick snickered.

“Shut up Nick…this is serious. Poor kid, we have to wake her up or move her.” Kevin took charge as he kneeled down by the sleeping girl, slowly taking the shirt from her grip, then flinging the shirt towards Howie “I believe that belongs to you.” he gave him a glare.

“Ok…someone has to explain cause you all are acting to weird. Seriously!” Brian asked looking at the guys one by one.

“Fine, I’ll tell you…AJ asked Howie to bring Millie to Cali…” Nick took a deep breath “So he did…along the way he slept with Millie. It was her first time so she is either in love or obsessed…all in a nutshell.” he smiled proudly that he had cleared the air.

“What?” Brian looked at Howie “Your married to Leigh!” he exclaimed as if the whole room didn’t already know it.

“No shit…” Nick said, watching Kevin pick her up and carry her to their bathroom.

Kevin entered the bathroom “Ok whose gonna wake her up?” he sat her on the counter as she slowly began to wake up.

“Me” AJ shouted.

“Me” Howie followed.

“Yeah that would be nice…but I only need one. AJ get your ass over here. You have a wife on her way to this room who wouldn’t appreciate seeing you in the bathroom with another girl Howie. So stay out!” he slammed the door shut leaving AJ and Millie in the bathroom.

“I’m gonna be sick” Millie slid herself off the counter and hovered over the toilet.

“Mill…what the hell are you doing?” AJ took a rag from the counter and wet it. He held her from behind as she washed her face and rinsed her mouth. She turned around to face him, his hands still on her waist.

“I’m sorry!” she exclaimed embracing him “I wish I loved you…and that you loved me. That we were still getting married and…that I never would have seen him…” she was sobbing now, muffling her words into his shoulder. “I hate him…no…I don’t…yes…I do…” she giggled.

“Oh Millie…I’m so fucking sorry” he caressed her hair. “We have to get out of here Mill or all hell is going to break loose ok.” he lifted her head off his shoulders as she nodded. “Can you stand alone?” he asked letting her go.

Howie paced as he waited for the twosome to come out of the bathroom, he hated the fact that they were alone. In the background he could hear Brian scolding him, but he wasn’t paying attention. Suddenly the door swung open and the wives and Sarah walked in. “Have you guys seen Millie?” Sarah asked, looking around the room.

“Uh she got sick and AJ is with her in the…bathroom” Howie answered before giving anyone else the option to answer.

Sarah gave him a glare as she walked towards the bathroom, she knocked softly. AJ came out with Millie hanging by his side. “Hey look we are going to have to skip dinner, she’s not feeling well and we are going home.” he said out loud so the rest could hear. “See you guys later.” he dragged Millie out of the room.

“Those two have gotten so weird…I thought they broke up?” Leighanne questioned.

Everyone just exchanged looks, as Howie took a seat, sighing heavily.

A couple days after the LA concert Millie sat on the sofa reading a book “So dad how long is this trip to New York going to be?” she closed her book as her father sat by her.

“It’s a couple of weeks hon…but I’ll keep in touch unlike your mother. I was thinking that you should stay with AJ for the while.” he raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to jump at the chance to spend more time with him. He knew they had become close again.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea dad.” she nodded her head “Anyways he’s got three more stops. Then he’s only coming back for a couple of days and leaving again.” she gave her dad a crooked smile. “I’ll be fine here alone in this rather big…” she was interrupted by her phone. “Hold on dad…it’s Sarah…she’s keeping me updated.” she giggled answering the phone, as her dad disappeared down the hall. “Hello”

The bouncy voice responded “Hey bitch! What you doing?” Sarah asked as she giggled and asked Nick to calm down.

“Oh nothing talking to my dad…he’s leaving tomorrow to New York. I hear your doing good” she laughed as she heard the two lovebirds kissing and talking sweet. “Ok you two are going to make me barf in a minute. So how are the shows going?”

“They are cool” she said good bye to Nick “Ok they are gone…so AJ and Howie aren’t speaking and if they do their arguing all the time. Which leaves poor Leigh who is on this bus with all of us confused. She knows you’re a whore…” Sarah laughed hard “Just kidding…but yeah she knows you screwed her man.”

"Shut up! I thought touring with him, was what made her leave in the first place."

Sarah sighed "It was...is...whatever. She said it's only for the remainder of summer, school does start in September."

“I can’t believe she is there with him.” Millie shifted her legs under her body and sat up straight “Tell me more…” she was intrigued by the gossip.

“Nothing I heard them arguing the other day and she asked him. Yup, she bluntly asked of course he de…nied…it! She knows though! She didn’t know that I have a bionic ear.!” the line went silent “Don’t worry she slept with some guy she was seeing so…”

Millie faked a laugh “Your so nosy bitch! Well I have to help my dad but tell AJ I miss him and…yeah! I‘ll be at the airport Wednesday morning.” she heard her friend say good bye and she hung up. Leigh knew. Now she could only hope that they wouldn’t have to encounter each other anytime soon.

AJ bit into his French fry as he sat thinking of Millie, his thoughts interrupted by Nick and Sarah sitting next to him “Wow never seen you so pensive before AJ” Sarah said unwrapping her burger.

“Oh well Mill hasn’t called me. I just worry about her.” he smiled now taking a sip of his coke.

“Well I just talked to her and she is good, her dad is leaving to New York tomorrow. She sounded ok and said she would meet us at the airport on Wednesday. I have a hunch that someone is in love.” she raised her eyebrows with a smile. “Am I wrong?”

Nick looked at her confused and then at AJ “But you broke off…OH!”

AJ smiled “I know…this is all my fault. All the pain…but now I realized that…I…I love her. I love Millie!” he smiled, then frowned. “But she loves asshole over there.” he pointed towards Howie who sat with Leigh.

Nick chuckled “Hey is it me or does it seem like Leigh talks a lot. Every time I look at the poor guy, he’s lost somewhere in outer space or Millie space and she’s just blabbing away.” the table laughed.

It was Wednesday morning and Millie paced the airport, she shivered, the mornings were getting colder by the day. She yanked her cashmere sweater over her shoulders and over her arms, covering her long sleeve V neck. She wiped her clammy hands on her black jeans and bent down to tie her laces.

AJ walked past everyone almost running to find her. She would be waiting, he was happy she had agreed to stay for the next few days with him. It gave him a chance to prove his feelings to her, maybe help her forget. He could be the stand in, it wouldn’t be hard to know that if he got to be with her, she would be thinking of his best friend.

He saw her tying her shoes, he liked when she dressed so casual. “Mill…” he shouted as she ran to him, he caught her in his arms as she jumped on him. It felt like old times, when he came home from the ‘Never Gone’ tour and she was waiting. “I missed you” he said into her hair.

She looked at him “Me too…I’ve been so freaked out at my dad’s house. I was sleeping with a bat next to me.” she giggled as she jumped off of him and embraced Sarah who held onto Nick‘s hand. “Hey girl” she giggled. Thanking God there was no sight of anyone else, but Eddie and Nick‘s bodyguard whose name she didn‘t know. “Hi Eddie” she waved at the big man, as he waved back.

The group made way towards the limo that had picked her up. Nick and Sarah went first then she quickly jumped in, AJ next to her. “Uh…Mill…” AJ began and before he could say anything else Leigh was getting in next to him followed by Howie next to Sarah. The limo went silent instantly.

Millie shifted in her seat the drive was feeling long and nauseating. She fought hard not to make eye contact with the man across from her, but it was inevitable. Trying to find comfort she instinctively took AJ’s hand into hers and leaned against his arm.

Howie watched as Millie took hold of AJ, it killed him. The way the twosome had become so close, but he knew it was all his fault. As he stared he shifted his eyes just to catch a glare from Leigh. Instead he shifted his body towards the door and stared at nothing.

Sarah felt the tension rising with every minute and could tell that Millie was dying. “So I heard your staying with AJ…till he goes back?” she asked with a smirk knowing it would agitate Howie.

“Yeah she is…her dad trusts me.” he said towards Howie “We are gonna have a blast” AJ mocked still looking towards Howie who seemed to be struggling to phase out the conversation.

“Well that is nice. Since your not together anymore.” Leigh added “Cause I wouldn’t trust AJ with my kids.” she giggled more to herself than anything, while the car continued to be silent.

“Well I thought you didn’t want any kids…” AJ raised an eyebrow as she looked at him startled and then at Howie who rolled his eyes, knowing that an argument awaited once they got to Kevin’s house.

An hour later, Howie, Leigh, Nick and Sarah had been dropped off and now the twosome were headed to AJ’s house. “You know I haven’t been to your house for the longest time. I don’t even remember what it looks like.” she giggled.

“The same…the dogs are still there, well they are with the neighbor till Friday for a while…I hope you don’t mind them.” he looked at her, she was distracted “Don’t get upset…he had some unfinished business out here but he’s leaving on Friday. Till we resume the tour. You wont have to see him again. Promise” he placed an arm over her “Come on we are here.” he exclaimed taking her hand, both jumping out and heading towards the house.

Meanwhile at the Richardson’s everyone was asleep. Howie entered the room looking around and staring at the bed. The memories of his last night with Millie drowning his thoughts. “I’m going to bed” he muttered heading towards the bathroom.

“I’m not sleeping here” she stated turning around. “I can bet anything that you slept with her here, that one night I called you. Why couldn’t you just be honest…instead you make me look like a fool…” she pursed her lips and walked out of the room and down the stairs as quiet as she could.

Howie followed, the memory of the fight with Millie came back to him. “Leigh” he whispered “We can’t do this here. Nothing happened.” he crossed his arms as she looked at him upset.

She laid on the bed that Millie had used days before “Bullshit!” Leigh muttered turning off the light and leaving Howie in the dark.

AJ didn’t make it easy for Millie to sit around to mope, on Wednesday they had spent the day at Sea World and later at a club in Hollywood. They danced and laughed, along with Nick and Sarah. All four having a great night. On Thursday he took her out for a stroll on Melrose, they held hands, told jokes, and at the end of the night got drunk and took a midnight swim in his pool. The summer was coming to an end.

It was now Friday morning, Leigh and a quiet Howie made their way through the airport towards their home. Howie wasn’t so happy about leaving California there was something that made him want to stay. Millie. He knew that she was slipping away and he had to do something quick. Angrily he walked ahead of his wife, ignoring the staring eyes.

Once on the plane the twosome sat quietly, Howie looking out the window. “Are you thinking of her? Thinking that AJ could be doing god knows what to her?” Leigh asked between clenched teeth, trying to keep her cool.

“What are you talking about?” he whispered back “Would you stop it already.” he said resuming to staring out at the clouds.

“You slept with her didn’t you?” she looked at him, hurt in her eyes. “Just admit it. Those little looks you gave each other, then she was carried out of the Staple Center drunk. You bastard…she’s just a kid.” she pursed her lips together, to keep from crying.

“Fine yeah I slept with her…five times if you must know. We weren’t together Leigh so you have no right to be mad. Remember you had someone too…don’t tell me you stayed loyal.” he gave her a glare, as her eyes shifted to the seat in front of her.

She was guilty. She looked back up at him “What do you feel for her? Do you love her?” she waited as he looked away “Answer me damn it. I at least deserve to know that.” she whispered angrily.

He swallowed hard “No…I don’t…she was just there and it just happened.” he didn’t mean it, not one word, but if he was getting back with his wife. He had to lie. There had to be peace in his life if they were going back home together.

“That better be true…if not why did you agree to getting back together? Cause you’re a jerk.” she questioned with rage.

“Cause you’re my wife. Do you want to do this or not?” he raised his eyebrows at her, hoping she would say no.

Leigh rolled her eyes and looked around the plane “I do…but you have to forget her…” she raised her head high, waiting for an answer.

“There is nothing to forget. Alright!” he said bringing his eyes back to the window. There was too much to forget, and He hadn’t started, but he would.

Millie sat on the counter, curiously watching AJ engrossed in mixing a couple of drinks. “I can’t believe the summer is over. I have to go back to Orlando and quit my job and get my stuff.” she vented with a sigh.

AJ was busy working up a drink for Sarah and Nick, whom sat making out on the living room sofa. “God you would think those two have other things to do. Tomorrow is Saturday and we have a show, so I can get them drunk instead.” he chuckled looking up at Millie “You shouldn’t even go out there, why don’t you just send to get your stuff and write a letter to your boss”

She cocked her head to the side “Riiight, I’m drunk…but I don’t think that is a real mature way to quit.” she retorted “I have to go back…I’ll go as soon as you guys go on tour.” she smiled at him taking a sip of her fourth long island ice tea “Oh my god are you trying to get me drunk Mr. Mclean?” she smiled, hopping off the counter. “Well it’s working…come on let’s break those two smoochers apart.” she giggled.

Nick tried standing up, but stumbled over himself and slurred “Yo where is my other drink…” he smiled at the drink in AJ’s hand and took it from him. “Thanks” he began to sip on it.

“I can’t believe he is so drunk” she stumbled onto him and giggled "Thank god you guys are leaving tomorrow afternoon, not tonight."

Millie giggled too “Right cause your so damn sober.” she also slurred, clumsily crashing into the back of the couch. “I’m swimming” she said chugging her drink and making way to the pool.

“Hey! Drunk people and water don’t mix. Believe me...I know” he grabbed her from behind and turned her around.

They stayed face to face her lips curving into a smile. “I had forgotten how beautiful your eyes are.” she continued to smile as he leaned into her slowly. Suddenly she began to chuckle “Look at those two” she laughed watching Nick and Sarah making out like teens against the glass doors. “Come on…they want to be alone.” she insisted, taking his hand.

“Uh…well" AJ cleared his throat being pulled by Millie. "I’m going to get drunk number three into bed, you two should do the same. Oh and don’t stain my sheets. Fuckers” he shouted as Millie pulled him up the stairs. They entered her room, then she swung around making him crash into her.

“Millie…” he stared into her wanting eyes. He knew she wasn’t sober, it wasn’t the way it should happen. If it were too. Not that he thought it would. He wanted it to, but not like that.

Millie felt her heart race. This wasn’t new the urge to kiss him, to feel his hands on her. She had been feeling the urge for days, she had felt the longing, the need, but she was afraid. Tonight thanks to the alcohol she wasn’t instead she was daring and aroused. “Kiss me” she whispered getting close to him.

“Mill…” he whispered as his mouth slowly met with hers, then she kissed him aggressively. He could feel her tongue against his, his body tensing with the deepness of her kisses. His hands wrapped around her waist as her hands landed on his face. “Millie…” he pulled away.

Millie placed her hand under his shirt feeling on his tight stomach she raised it up and over his head. Then stuck her fingers into his pants pulling him towards the bed, she took a seat her fingers began to work at his buckle and then his zipper. She looked up at him, then back down.

His pants fell to the floor and he gasped as he felt her mouth on him. He wanted to stop her, but the intensity of the moment wouldn’t let him. After a couple of minutes she came back up to him. She laid on the bed and motioned him to join her, and so he did. Laying next to her gently, he ran his hand over her leg, under her dress and up her thigh, as he kissed her. The other hand worked over her breast, his thumb brushing against her nipple.

Millie was breathing hard, as she felt herself fill with lust for him. His fingers against her skin made her throb. She suddenly felt pressure and then pleasure, his fingers were now inside of her. She couldn’t take it anymore and she pushed him down and placed her hands against his chest, then placed one leg over his body. She was taken aback by the sudden craving for him, it scared her.

AJ just stared at her, never did he imagine her to be so aggressive. For an instant he found himself wondering what she had been like with Howie. Was she this wild? Or was she tender? He closed his eyes to get the thought out of his mind and continued to rub his hands over her breast as she sat up on him and he slipped into her, her dress never coming off. He groaned at the feeling of being inside and the speed of her movements against him.

Her eyes were closed as she felt him inside. The thought of Howie’s sweet kisses and his soft touch made her swallow hard, she wasn‘t sure if she liked this aggression or missed the gentleness. She pushed her thoughts away, and opened her eyes slowly, biting the bottom of her lip. Then she smiled at the staring eyes, they were beautiful eyes, gazing at her with so much passion. She came back down to engulf his mouth.

"I love you Millie" AJ muttered against her lips, making her almost come to an abrupt stop. They just stared at each other.

The next morning Millie awoke to a pounding head. She noticed that she was in AJ’s bed and that she was fully dressed. She found herself struggling to remember the night before and then noticed AJ laying next to her. “Shit!” she whispered, holding the sheet afraid to look under. Taking a deep breath she pulled the sheet up and noticed that he was bare. “What have I done?” she said, scooting back and falling off the bed onto the floor with a thud.

“Millie…” AJ looked down at her from the bed with sleepy eyes “Jesus are you ok?” he stretched out his hand.

Millie recoiled “No…where are your clothes and why am I still dressed?” she stood up on her own as she pressed down her rather wrinkled summer dress.

AJ cleared his throat, everything had happened so suddenly last night. There hadn’t been time to take the damn dress off. He found himself wondering if she remembered her initiating the moment. “Well…we…didn’t get to it. Everything happened so fast…Why?” he dreaded her stunned expression.

“So you didn’t bother to undress me or uh…it was just…to get yourself off. I was drunk…AJ” It was all coming back to her, the kisses, the places her mouth had explored, and the way she had taken over. Her cheeks flushed. “I have to go…” she walked out.

AJ pulled on his pants and walked out buttoning them “Millie…don’t do this. You know what happened and how it happened. Please don’t pretend you don’t.”

“YOU…didn’t take my dress off. People do that when they want to get the moment over…you know!” she paced her room, running her fingers through her hair. “How could you let it happen? You took advantage of me” she shouted at him with anger.

AJ gave her a glare and then he retorted with fury “You’re the one that came onto me.” she gave him an offended look and he ran his hand over his head “I didn’t mean that…I love you Millie…I wasn’t going to…stop…” he stopped.

“You weren’t going to stop the chance to finally screw me!” she yelled “You’re a pig! You took advantage that I was drunk. Get out of my room.” she turned him around and pushed him out.

He turned back around “Millie that is not fair…your not being fair. You don’t have to feel guilty, he doesn’t have to know…no one has to know.” he spoke softly.

“What…is this secret to pay for keeping my secret AJ…” she huffed in frustration, as she walked back toward the bed.

He slammed his hand on the door frame, making her jump. “HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU MILLIE!! He chose his wife…so what if you gave into me, not even two weeks after him.” he snapped angry at her.

Millie furiously flung the first thing she could get her hands on at him.

AJ paid no attention to Millie‘s hands he just saw the tears nestled in her angry eyes. Then it hit him, pain shot through the side of his face. He bent down holding his eye. “Fuck Millie…I’m not the one that deserves that.” he came back up, feeling the gash on his brow.

She bit her lip at the sight of blood on his fingers, he stared at her as his hand covered his brow, his chest heaving with anger. Her look softened as she admitted to herself that last night was vivid in her mind. That she had enjoyed it as much as she imagined he had. He had done the one thing she always wished Howie would have, he told her he loved her. There was no way she could love him, so she had no choice, but to push him away. She loved Howie, nothing would change that, not even an enjoyable night with AJ.

Before either one of them could say anything, Nick and Sarah were in the room “What the hell is going on here?” Nick asked trying to catch his breath. He looked at the twosome, Millie‘s shocked expression and AJ holding his brow, the blood dripping from his hand.

“Oh my god! AJ your hurt what the…” Sarah stared at the picture frame by his feet and then she shot Millie a questionable look “Millie…?” she gasped.

“Come on AJ you might need some stitches.” Nick helped him down the stairs “Why don‘t you stay here with her.” Nick felt Millie wasn’t dignified to even have her name mentioned in his sentence. “We‘ll be back.” he kissed Sarah and the two men were off.

Sarah entered the room, Millie sat on the window seat, the whole reason for picking that room among the rest. She wiped the tears as she rested her arms on her knees. “I messed up…the only person that really cares about me and I go do something so…”

“What happened? Why would you throw something at him…you could have poked his eye out.” Sarah was astonished at the act, she took a seat by Millie’s curled up legs. She knew this girl as quiet, innocent and kind. Not a brute!

Millie’s eyes slowly looked up at hers, she could feel her body shaking “He insulted me…”

“So you go and crack his eye open with a frame…that’s not you Millie. What the fuck is happening to you? What really happened?”

She looked back out the window, around the room and then at Sarah “You want to know…fine, I slept with him last night. I freaked out, so I thought if I pretended to be pissed about it…he would leave me alone and forget it happened.” Sarah rolled her eyes “ It was…different Sarah.” Millie smiled as she remembered the nights events “I freaked out this morning…he told me he loved me last night while in the act. I can’t love him…” she stood up and began to pace, meanwhile Sarah sat speechless.

AJ yelped as he felt the needle enter his skin for the last time. “Alright fifteen stitches young man. You need to be more cautious with flying elbows when playing sports.” the doctor chuckled as he patted his back, then left the room.

“Playing sports?” Nick grunted “Why didn’t you tell him that some maniac BITCH flung a frame at you.” he crossed his arms angry at his friend. “What in the hell is wrong with Millie…?”

“Don’t call her that Nick…please! I fucked up I practically called her a slut.” he touched his stitched eyebrow. “You know maybe I did take advantage of the situation.” AJ said as he stood up and opened the door.

“Bullshit…Millie is a nice girl, but she isn’t as innocent as we all think she is. She knows what happened last night. I just think that…well…that she regrets it.” Nick shrugged walking out of the room, AJ pensively trailing behind.

In Orlando Howie looked around his office, he had missed the room. His overgrown redwood desk, the big flat computer screen, with a picture of the wedding bobbing from one side to the other. He took a seat on his comfy chair, letting out a sigh as he did. The rental had been found and nothing was recovered except for his planner that was found under his seat.

He held it in his hand, remembering where he had written out every stop and go in order to have a smooth and problem free road trip. Which hadn’t worked out at all as he planned.

As he opened it he came upon the stops he had marked. He laughed, the stops had been accurate, but not the events. The hell was he supposed to know that somewhere in a small town he’d be robbed at gun point, or that he’d be kissing some girl in the middle of a watermelon celebration. Who celebrates watermelons anyway.

His stomach somersaulted as he saw ‘SAN ANTONIO’ written in big letters, he hadn’t even remembered he planned on stopping there. That stop was unforgettable, he remembered the walk with Millie, her nervousness, getting punched. He chuckled as a tear slowly made its way down his cheek. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and he found himself wiping his face quickly and frantically closing the book and stuffing it in his desk.

“Hey I thought you…” Leigh stood frozen as she looked into Howie’s red eyes “Are you ok?” she questioned him, as she tilted her head to the side with concern.

He faked a smile, trying to convince himself that she was the one for him. That he had made the right choice. “No, I was just sitting here looking at this picture and it…” he couldn’t finish the sentence he knew it was all bullshit.

“Oh Howard…” she walked over to him and embraced his head against her body “Everything is going to be just fine…baby! You will see” she kissed his mouth, but he didn’t respond “I just came to tell you lunch is ready. Come on” she waited for him at the door as he stood up and took her hand in his.

The car pulled up and Nick placed his hand on AJ’s shoulder “Look I know I was talking shit about Millie a while ago. But I think that your going about this the wrong way. Just because you sleep with her and she likes it, doesn’t mean that she is going to fall in love with you man. We both know that by experience.”

AJ looked straight ahead at Mrs. Lillie, the neighbor. She made her way towards the front door, with his two dogs Jack and Roxie. “Yeah I know…thanks man!” he nodded getting out of the car “Mrs. Lillie” he shouted as she waved at him, the dogs running loose towards their owner.

Millie jumped up at the sound of the car doors slamming shut and the barks following. “Oh god! They are here…what am I going to say? What if he kicks me out? If he’s mad at me?” she sat back down, placing her hands on her legs. She had showered and changed into her jeans, a band shirt and some flats. “Sarah?”

“Well you’ll have to apologize obviously. Look there is nothing wrong with sleeping with him, I mean you guys were together for so long and maybe it was just inevitable. Now the thing is if your going to keep doing it, you have to make sure to be honest with him and let him know that it’s nothing more than screwing.”

Millie looked at her with an offended look. Why would she continue to sleep with him if she didn’t love him? There was no way it would happen again. Never. “No, it was just last night and that is it. I believe that at some point Howie will realize that he loves me enough to come for me. I know it” she tried to convince herself, because she knew Sarah wasn’t.

“Well come on let’s make sure poor AJ is ok.” the two girls walked down the stairs side by side, the dogs now barked inside the house. “Roxie! Imagine the guys are going to be asking him what happened?” Sarah giggled taking a seat on the first stair and letting the dog lick her face, while Jack the tiny one joined in the kissing fun.

Millie winced as she saw the long trail of stitches on AJ’s brow, he smiled and nodded as he talked to the older woman, unaware of Millie‘s gaze. “I can’t face him not right now.” she said jumping over Sarah and the dogs and storming up the stairs.

“Millie get back here…you can’t ignore this…” she shouted.

AJ and Nick waved at Mrs. Lillie as she exited the gates closing behind her “Glad to see my babies, to bad I have to take them back to her…” he smiled watching Sarah playing with the dogs then looking at his watch “Damn in like four hours. Where is Millie?” he asked looking around.

Sarah looked up “Oh she is upset and said she couldn’t face you right now. Maybe you should give her some space.” she stood up locking lips with Nick.

“Yeah just buy yourself some armor for the remainder of the day…” Nick giggled, then got an elbow in the ribs by Sarah “Ouch! I was just kidding. Come on I gotta go see my buddy Mason, before we leave. Well man see you at the airport in a couple of hours.” they embraced and Sarah kissed his cheek.

He watched the twosome drive off, then made his way up the stairs with his dogs and the noisy bag of pain killers. He stopped at her door and paused, balling his hand into a fist to knock. He decided to keep walking, the dogs jumped on his enormous bed making themselves comfortable. They watched as he took a pill from one of the bottles and downed it with a glass of water. He laid next to them staring at the ceiling, his eyes closing almost instantly.

Millie laid on her stomach, her head resting on her arms, barely waking from a long nap. Sluggishly she sat up and rubbed her eyes, looking around the room. “Wow it‘s still early.” she yawned, stretching out her arms. Images of the night before flashed through her mind.

She sat on the window seat and stared at the blue sky, trying to make out objects from the clouds floating about. She wondered what Howie was doing? Was he with her? Kissing her? Making love to her? Closing her eyes slowly she imagined him standing in front of her, his soft hands caressing her face. His lips pressing against hers. His strong arms around her, keeping her safe, suddenly anger flushed through her body. He was a liar and had only played with her feelings, once again. He didn’t deserve her thoughts. She jumped and her eyes flew open at a knock on the door. “Come in” she hollered.

AJ poked his head into the room, his stitches gave her chills. “Hey…” he said cautiously.

“Hi…come in.” she motioned him to come closer, then she looked back out the window. She didn’t know what to say, or better yet how to say it. “I’m sorry!” she whispered, looking up at him “I didn’t mean to hurt you…it’s just that…” she began to chew on her bottom lip “What you said was…”

He placed his hand on her shoulder gently “It’s ok…I know I was an asshole.” he chuckled nervously as she looked at him apologetically. She stood face to face with him, as her finger ran over his brow, AJ flinching at the touch. They stood so close he could feel her breathing. “About last night…Mill…I wish you remembered…” he spoke softly as he cleared his throat and looked away.

Millie continued to stare at him, she whispered “I remember…all of it…” he turned back to face her, as she ran her finger over his mouth “Every kiss…” she took his hand and placed it on her chest “Every touch and the way you looked at me.” she smiled as his eyes beaming with her words. Her fingers continued caressing his face, from his cheeks to his chin, then his lips again “I have to admit…I…” She leaned in closer “I enjoyed it…” she covered his mouth with hers.

AJ kissed her back and then he suddenly pushed her away gently “I know you don’t love me…and you probably never will.” he paused looking down at the ground, the urge of touching her and being with her again came over him. She made him weak.

“AJ I can’t promise you anything. I can’t lie to you or myself, I still love him.” she covered her mouth wanting to take the words back. “I’m sorry…I don’t want to hurt you AJ…you mean so much to me.” he did something to her, she couldn’t figure it out. Lately when she was around him she could only think of kissing him, touching him and her body wanted him. She let out an exasperated sigh.

He gave her a crooked smile. “It’s ok Millie. I’m a big boy I know what I’m doing. I just want to be here for you.” he ran his fingers through her hair and cupped her head firmly from the back and brought her forward, kissing her deeply.

Millie picked up her purse as she waved at the last waddling woman walking by, huffing and puffing. She sighed at the irony of being the front desk clerk in the maternity station at Saint Josephs hospital. “See you guys next week. I have the weekend off…gonna help my dad with the 911 charity. Please come by if you would like.” she waved at everyone at the nurses station and headed home.

When she walked out, it was already dark. She missed the long days, when the sky stayed lit till late at night. They reminded her of him. Her phone began to sing “Girls just want to have fun” she opened her phone and answered “Hello”

“Hey there beautiful. How are you doing?” AJ’s voice boomed through the line. “We are coming home. We have a surprise for you, I was advised not to say a word…so I shall say no more.” he chuckled.

Millie laughed “That is not fair Mr. Mclean…you know I hate surprises. Just tell me already.” she waited.

“Nope…no can do. Listen I was just calling to let you know that we will ALL be home tomorrow morning, I’ve got to go now. We have a show to put on. Love ya”

She swallowed “Uh…yeah…have fun!” she closed the phone and hopped into her car, only three weeks had gone by, but so much had been done. She had officially moved all her stuff from Orlando and had quit her receptionist job at the local clinic. As for AJ after the last encounter, she had promised herself it wouldn’t happen again and she would keep her promise.

Howie glared at AJ, he knew there was something fishy about him. How openly he told her he loved her. It infuriated him. Wasn’t he the responsible one for most of her grief? And she didn’t hate HIM. If only she knew that there wasn’t a day that he didn’t think about her. He smiled, thinking that soon he would at least get a glimpse of her and at the time just a look was more than enough.

“Earth to Howie…” Brian waved his hand in his face “Is everything alright…we are almost on.”

He sighed hard “Yeah I’m good…” The twosome had no choice but to put their differences aside as long as they were on the bus, but many times they would fight over little things. When everyone knew what the big issue was. “Aren’t you getting a little to attached?” Howie muttered under his breath as AJ went by.

“As a matter of fact YES. Why you jealous?”

“That’s enough…then will have arms and legs flying everywhere. I don’t want another black eye from trying to stop you two. So stop it now!” Brian scolded going back to his humming.

The twosome just gave each other deadly glares as they were announced to go on stage.

Millie huffed as she took off her shoes, threw her jacket on the couch, then herself. “Dad…” she shouted, as the tall man came from the hallway “I thought you weren’t here” she kissed his cheek.

“I’m here honey. Got to go back in the morning. Excited about the charity event? I have some good or bad news for you. I was going to wait, but I think I should tell you now.” he raised his eyebrows.

“Ok…is it part of AJ’s surprise?…tell me dad!” she tucked her legs under her butt and pulled her dad to sit next to her “I’m waiiiting.” she teased.

He smiled crookedly “Well everything is set for the charity this Saturday and we are having some special guests that aren’t just going to perform three songs, but are going to help out in the booths. Isn’t that great?” he smiled enthusiastically.

“They guys???” she frowned “Dad that means that Howie is going to be there and I’m going to have to see him and it’s going to break my heart again and…I‘m still mad at him” she began to breath hard “Oh god I’m getting hives just thinking about it.”

Her father chuckled, as he patted her leg “Now…now Millie its not that bad. At least he’ll be there alone. AJ will be there too. What ever happened with you two?”

Millie blushed quickly “DAD!!” he shrugged “It was just a one…okay a two time thing. Is that weird? That around AJ I get all giddy. But most of the time I find myself thinking and missing Howie. Can you love two people at the same time?” she looked at her father pleadingly.

“Uh…I don’t think so. It will always be a different type of love for each person. I think your just confused, so you feel like you love them both. You love one more than the other, you just have to figure out which one.” he patted her leg and disappeared into the kitchen.

Millie sat, maybe she should just take AJ’s offer. It wasn’t like Howie was going to realize that he loved her and not his wife and he would run to her side. Although she prayed for it to happen every night. No, she would continue to wait, until her heart told her to give up and for now it was telling her to wait.

The next morning Millie awoke to a familiar pair of eyes staring at her, she almost jumped out of the bed. “Holy shit AJ…you scared the shit out of me.” she smiled.

“Sorry I just had breakfast with your dad and I thought I would check up on you. I was just making sure you were ok.” he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“I’m fine AJ…really. So how were the shows?” she sat up now, running her fingers through her morning hair.

“Great as always, a couple of encounters with Howie, but we both survived. Uh…I got teased for my stitches which look like their falling out.”

She covered her face “I’m so sorry…” she got out of the bed and walked over to him, standing over him she felt on his eyebrow. “Well it looks much better.”

He swallowed hard, he wanted to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her towards him. Kiss her like the last time and if possible much…much more. He couldn’t forget the two encounters, they were vivid in his mind.

Howie laid on his big bed, trying to find any traces of Millie on the pillows or the sheets, but her scent had long been washed away. Flashes of his last time with her flooded his mind. If only he could sleep through the day and then it would be tomorrow so he could already see her. He stared at the pink bag he had placed next to his. Many times he had been curious to open it and just peak in. What was in it?

The rest of the day went by uneventful for any of them, each one just anxious for the charity event. Brian, Baylee and Leighanne had opted to stay at Kevin’s house too. While Millie, AJ and her father spent the day making the last arrangements for the event.

The big day was here and Millie scooped up her hair into a ponytail, put on her jean skirt, a red and white volunteer shirt and her sneakers. She was ready. For the long, exhausting, fun and nerve wrecking day ahead of her. She walked to the kitchen to find her father in almost the same attire.

“We ready to go?” he smiled embracing her “It will be fun. The kids are going to love you.”

She looked at him puzzled as they made way to the car “Kids? Dad…I don’t want to be around kids, they always leave those little toddlers there and I…” she sunk into the passenger seat, already feeling dreadful.

Her father started the engine and frowned “I’m sorry baby it wasn’t my choice. The chief put you there cause he knows that you love kids.” he caressed her head “It will be fine I promise your going to have some help with them anyways” he smirked.

The guys arrived in a limo, Brian, Leighanne, Nick, Sarah, Howie, and AJ stepped out trailing behind each other into the venue. Quickly they were greeted and escorted to their dressing room, where they were handed the same shirts as the rest of the volunteers.

Howie dressed quickly and was the first to walk out to notice all the smiling faces and the running children. Booths with games, food, clothes, and different vendors were scattered around the large area. He could see the stage were they would be performing later in the day.

Brian and Leighanne joined him, both staring at the crowd, right behind them now stood Nick and Sarah their hands linked together. Lastly AJ walked past them, the group staring in his direction where he locked hands with Millie’s father and then scooped her up into a hug.

“Stop it!” she giggled as he put her back down. “Are you all here? You look so cute in your volunteer shirt” she teased him, poking his ribs.

“Yeah over there…” he pointed at the staring group.

Her eyes locked with Howie’s instantly, but he looked away angrily and walked away. She waved at the group and they all headed her way. They greeted each other and then dispersed to their booths.

Howie stood watching the kids in the small enclosed area. Some ran around like wild animals, others cried and some just played ignoring everyone else. “How the hell did I get stuck here?” he asked out loud. He let out a sigh of frustration as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Millie walked through the gate and noticed the small children running around. “Hi there you must be Millie?” an older, stubby lady with long black hair smiled at her “Uh we only have two young ones so far. This is Mikey he’s only two and then we have Elizabeth who is six months.” she held out her arms with the baby towards Millie.

She froze staring at the small child, as the woman looked at her a little concerned. “I’ll take her” the familiar voice broke her trance. As she watched the woman hand him the baby and walk away “Are you alright?”

Howie stood holding the baby like a pro in his arms, as she stuffed her fat fingers in her mouth. “I…yeah…I’m fine.” they stood looking into each others eyes for a couple of seconds, then she snapped “What are you doing here? Is this some kind of sick joke?”

“Huh? Yeah like I would ask to be teamed with…you…on purpose.” he hissed back at her. “Don’t flatter yourself. I was just put here, and what is your deal with babies. You stare at them like you…”

“Shut up!” she demanded “How about you don’t talk to me.” she spun around and crossed her arms like a child. By now the kids were staring at the twosome arguing in the middle of the play area. “I…don‘t…” she finally noticed all the little eyes on her.

“Ooh! The teachers have a crush” one of the children blurted.

“Mommy says that when a boy fights with you, he liiiikes you…” giggles erupted through out the play area.

“Uh…well…” she looked back at Howie “It’s not always true.”

“Are you guys going to kiss and make up now. My mom and dad do.” the same little girl taunted.

“How about you guys continue to play…” she faked a laugh.

“Yeah…just go about your playing.” he gestured them away with his hands, like he’d scare away chickens.

“Oh my god…go about your playing!! They are children you know, not chickens.” she crossed her arms as she continued to stare at the child in his arms. “I can’t be around you. Why can’t anyone understand that.” she walked away, swung the gate open and stormed off.

“Ma’am can you please watch them. I promise we will be right back.” he handed the baby back to the lady and ran after Millie. “Millie wait!” he yelled as he watched her enter one of the halls.

Millie stopped and covered her face as she felt the tears streaming down her cheeks. Why did it still hurt to look into his eyes? She jumped at the touch of a hand on her shoulder. “Go away…” she mumbled.

“Millie…” he turned her around and suddenly embraced her, he waited hoping that she would respond, that her hands would wrap around him too. He closed his eyes in anticipation, then he felt the warmth of her hands against his back and her breath against his neck. “Oh Millie…” he whispered into her ear.

She raised her head slowly to have her eyes meet with his, then she felt his mouth cover hers.

It was pitch black in the room and all he could feel was the heat of her body against him and her hands trailing against his bare chest. Which sent a current of goose bumps all over. He kissed her aggressively, it had been so long that he didn’t taste her sweet lips. His hands ran over her legs and up her thighs, and higher till he felt her eagerness.

She let out a sigh of pleasure as she felt his hands. Then she moaned letting him make his way into her, she closed her eyes, letting him kiss her neck, then her jaw and back to her mouth. There was no other sound, but the heavy breathing of the twosome as his gentle steady movements continued.

“Howie…” she gasped.

“Huh…” he panted, still moving rhythmically.

“…I love you” she bit her lip and closed her eyes feeling the current of pleasure run through her whole body.

He couldn’t see her, but he could feel her body tremble against his and held her tight as he felt himself release. “…I love you too” he breathed meeting her mouth again.

AJ puffed on his cigarette “Where the hell are they?” he questioned out loud.

Nick came from behind “Don’t tell me your worried about the love birds? For all you know their doing something naughty in one of the bathrooms or under the kiddy slide.” Nick began to laugh mockingly.

AJ pushed him hard “That’s not funny. Millie is mine…” he balled his fist with anger as he threw his cigarette on the ground and smashed it. “Fucking Howie”

“Whatever, I think Millie made it clear that she didn’t love you after the first night you two spent together and then she tried blinding you…can’t make her love you…when she obviously loves Howie, dumb ass!” Nick retorted walking away.

Millie leaned against the wall in the dark hallway as she played with Howie’s hair “I missed you…” she smiled, then frowned realizing that he would be going back to his wife after the venue. “Erm…what now?” she asked.

He smiled at her, pressing his lips against hers softly “Uh…what do you want to happen?” he sighed as he saw the sorrow return to her eyes “I’ll leave her…for good. Then I’ll come here and we can…”

“You would do that?” Millie’s face brightened “Really?”

He nodded, pressing against her and kissing her like he might never see her again.

AJ huffed with frustration making his way towards the hallway. He stood watching the twosome leaning against the wall in an embrace, his blood boiling. “Millie you ok?” he asked walking closer to them, but keeping his distance.

She finally let go of Howie, rolling her eyes at AJ’s insistence. Ever since their encounter, he seemed so fanatical and controlling. “Uh yeah I’m fine.” she looked into Howie’s eyes almost ignoring AJ’s presence, which made him even angrier.

“He’s just playing with your emotions Mill…he’s still married. Remember? He chose her…”

Howie turned abruptly “What the hell is your deal? You can’t face the fact that she doesn’t love you…! You are the cause of most her pain asshole. Did you forget already!” he shouted with fury. “So why don’t you go back to your booth and leave her alone.”

“Why don’t we let her decide that.” AJ responded sharply and with confidence “Millie tomorrow night he’ll be going back to Leah and what about you? I love you Millie. Didn’t I prove that to you already?” he was angry and inflicting any type of pain on Howie was good, even if it affected Millie too.

“What is he talking about?” Howie now turned to look at her, his eyes burning with jealousy. “Answer me” he shouted making her jump.

Millie shook her head, the tears had already started again. Her response would ruin it all, whatever had just happened would be buried with her response. “Uh…well…”

“See she doesn’t know what she wants…aggression or gentleness!” AJ laughed mockingly “Now I don’t know how she is with you…but with me…”

“AJ STOP!” Millie cried out, as Howie looked at her with hurt in his eyes.

“Did…you…with…him?” he couldn’t get the exact words out.

She covered her mouth, as she choked the words out “It was…once…” she crumbled at the disappointment in Howie’s eyes.

“Twice baby…the second as intense as the first.” AJ smiled proudly, but he knew that he was hurting two important people in his life. His anger and ego were greater than his understanding, that she didn‘t love him.

Howie bowed his head and closed his eyes, wanting it all to be a bad dream. He looked back up at her “Getting even?” he whispered.

“No…Howie…” she spoke softly, shaking her head gently. “It meant nothing…”

AJ was now standing a few feet away, his smile had wiped off and he was beginning to regret the outburst. Now there was no going back, he got a deadly glare from Millie and he knew. He had lost her.

“She’s ALL yours” Howie said shoving her hand away as she tried to touch him. He pushed AJ with force, making him slam against the wall, as he walked past him.

“Howie…Please…” she almost pleaded, slowly falling against the wall.

AJ stood watching her, he tried putting his hand on her shoulder “Millie…”

She stood up abruptly letting him have a smack on one side of his face and then the other. She continued trying to hit him as he subdued her and spun her around, pushing her back against his chest. “I’m sorry…ok! This was for your own good.” he whispered into her ear.

“Let go of me…” she demanded struggling to get away from his grip. “NOW!” he let her go, she spun around “I hate you…I never want to see you EVER again.” she walked away leaving AJ standing in the dark hallway.

Howie huffed and puffed with anger as he punched the air. He could have killed him, betraying him like that. Millie. How could she have done something so low? His own best friend? He felt he bile rise to his throat, he felt sick, like someone had punched him in the stomach. Swiftly he ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

“Howard?” Brian knocked on the bathroom door as he heard his friend heaving “You ok in there?”

Howie wiped the tears from his eyes, just to have more accumulate. He placed his hands on the sink and bowed his head. “I’m fine Brian.” he mumbled as he opened the door.

Brian inspected him “Have a run in with the kid? She’s crying her dad is consoling her and well AJ almost left…we have to perform we promised too and it’s for a good cause.”

Howie sighed “I know…I’m ok.”

“They are on their way down here…PLEASE just calm down. I can tell that your angry about something but we just…”

He cut off Brian as he heard the voices coming down the hall “I got it!” his voice was heated.

Through the tunnel came waltzing in Nick, and AJ, both colliding into Brian that was near the door. “Who died?” Nick chuckled, then quieted at the silence from the other three.

“I’ll wait outside.” As much as he hated it, he couldn’t stop picturing AJ all over her, pleasing her and kissing her. He shook his head with fury and leaned against the wall, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill.

“Dad please I’m fine…really I just have to get out of here now. I want to go home.” the tears kept coming, choking her words “Please…dad…” the more she thought about the look on Howie’s face the more the tears flooded her eyes. “I screwed up”

“Now…now Millie…” he hugged her, her face against his chest “What the hell happened?” he pulled her face up to look at him “You have to calm down.”

On the stage jumped one of the firefighters in his uniform, announcing the special guests of the evening. ‘Backstreet Boys’ was all she heard, then began the humming from all four singers.

Millie didn’t bother looking she could hear the music and the voices filling the air, she continued to bury her face in her dad’s chest. The voices weren’t making it easy, she couldn’t understand what had just happened? What happened to AJ?

Howie caught a glimpse of Mr. Nunez, he could see Millie tucked in his arms. He watched her intently and felt an elbow ram into his side “There come a day…when…” she turned at the sound of his voice, startling him and making him pause.

“Howard…” Brian whispered.

“Huh?” he looked up at the blonde man “When you walk out of my dream…” the rest joined in the chorus “face to face…” his head was spinning and he felt nauseous all over again. He closed his eyes to stop the whirling in his head.

AJ watched his friend, he had gone pale and looked like he would fall off the stage any moment. Then he looked at the pale face looking up at them from a distance. He hated himself at the moment, for causing so much pain. “Unmistakable…” he sang the lost part as he continued to look into the distance. There had to be a way to fix this. Then again, he wanted Millie for him, she belonged to him now. Didn’t she? His thoughts went blank as he saw from the corner of his eyes, Howie suddenly collapsed.

The room was overflowing with people and everyone was speaking over each other. Howie sat on a chair his head bowed, he wanted them all to shut up and leave him alone, to just go away. Especially the idiot leaning against the wall in the corner chewing on his nails, this was all his fault. His head was still spinning. What the hell had just happened?

“Guys…” his voice was hoarse and everyone continued trying to diagnose him, ignoring his voice. “Guys…I’m fine really.” it continued. “I’M FINE!!” he yelled, making everyone freeze and go silent. “I’m ok…”

The room was suddenly cleared out, leaving Nick, AJ and Brian standing in silence. “Maybe your pregnant?” Nick smiled, trying to lighten the mood, but they all turned to glare at him “What it could be…there is a possibility. Alright I’m leaving.” he kicked the floor like a child and walked out.

“Damn fool!” Brian nodded “Are you sure your ok? That was a pretty nasty fall.”

“I’m ok…I just need some time alone. Please!” Brian nodded and turned to look at AJ. “Take that ass with you.” he looked up to glare at AJ.

“You know what” AJ pushed himself off the wall “Let’s get this over with huh…if your mad at me for sleeping with her. Well I‘m sorry…but she didn‘t hesitate to jump…”

Before he could finish, Howie stood up and let his right fist connect with AJ’s face, he fell back. “Please not here you guys…” Brian pleaded.

AJ spit the blood from his mouth and grinned as he stood up again. “I understand why your so hooked.” Howie lunged at him, catching him off guard, falling back again and taking Howie with him. AJ pinned Howie to the floor and punched him once and then again. “She loves me too…just so you know.” AJ grunted.

“Get the…fuck…off of me” Howie ordered, suddenly turning around, now pinning AJ to the floor, his hands were at his throat. “You knew and know how I feel about her and you went ahead and slept with her…you were supposed to be my best friend” they glared at each other “You always want what everyone else has. I’m out of here…” he slammed AJ against the floor and stormed out of the room.

“Damn it AJ! What did you do this time?” Brian huffed with his hands on his side.

Later that night Millie sat on her bed, her eyes boring a hole in the ceiling. She couldn’t stop thinking of the pain she had caused Howie, or how awful AJ had talked about her. Best friend he was talking so badly about her, like she was just another one of his many lays.

A tall figure stood at the door, and made her jump “Dad?” she propped up on her elbows.

“Hey there sweetheart…I’m leaving for my shift. Are you going to be alright?” he raised his eyebrows.

She shook her head and got off the bed and hugged him “I’ll be fine dad.”

He tightened the hug till he heard her groan “You used to like these hugs…” he chuckled.

“I…do…but…I can’t…breathe!” he loosened his grip and kissed her cheek “Alright get some sleep.” he kissed her forehead and walked down the hall. She followed suit and slumped into the sofa as she watched him exit the house, she switched on the TV and absentmindedly clicked the control, channel after channel.

Later that night, AJ stood outside pacing back and forth, he didn’t know if he should knock. He’d had enough blows for the day, he flexed his sore jaw and twisted his throbbing wrist. With a deep sigh he set foot on the porch and rang the doorbell once.

Millie groaned as she woke from her slumber and stretched her body. She then jumped at the sound of the doorbell ringing, for a quick moment she had thought she was dreaming. Who could it be at this time? She looked at the clock on the wall as she looked through the peephole and groaned again. “Oh shit!” she muttered.

Although it was cold and he wore a sweater with a hoodie, his hands were sweating. The butterflies fluttered in his stomach as the door swung open and he looked into a pair of angry eyes. “What in the hell do you want?” Millie pressed her cheek against the half open door.

“Hey …” he stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground.

“You look like a puppy with its tail between it‘s legs…” she pursed her lips and glared at him “You ruined everything…you selfish…!” she didn‘t have the nerve to finish her sentence the way she wanted.

AJ bit the inside of his cheek “I know Millie and I’m fucking sorry, but I was jealous and it was the only way to get back at you two. I’m really sorry. I love you…and I don’t want…” his chest heaved and a tear ran down his cheek “I don’t want to lose you.”

She covered her face, it broke her heart to see him in so much pain. “Oh AJ…don’t do that. You never cry…”

He stepped into the house and was swiftly at her side “For you I do…I’m sorry! I was just so angry, I knew you two had just been together and I just couldn’t handle it. He doesn’t deserve you Mill. He’s home with her now, you know.” he placed his palm over her cheek.

She stood still, closing her eyes at the sensation of his hands on her face. Trying to understand what it was that AJ did to her? This wasn’t the first time he screwed up, yet she couldn’t be as angry as she wanted to. Just with one touch, with the soothing sound of his voice the forgiveness was at the tip of her tongue. Silence filled the house as she let him embrace her, she stood still like she was hypnotized by the scent of his cologne, and the warmth of his body against hers.

He cupped her face and moved it up to his “I love you Mill. I know you love me too, your just fighting the feeling.”

“I’m not feeling anything AJ.” she whispered against his chest and suddenly reacted by pushing away and turning away from him “You keep hurting me and then I just forgive you. This time you really did it.” she whipped around “Why can’t you just let me be happy with him huh?” she pushed him “Why ALEX! I want to be happy with him…I don’t love you. I LOVE HOWIE!” she yelled pushing him again and again till he leaned against the wall.

AJ glared at her, he was breathing like a bull ready to charge. “FINE…love someone that will never love you back.” he hovered over her and pointed his finger menacingly “But when he rejects you and goes back to Leigh and your all heartbroken and need someone to pick up the pieces. I WONT BE HERE MILLIE!!!” he stormed out cursing under his breath.

“I WONT NEED YOU…EVER AGAIN! SO GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK!” she shouted back at him, slamming the front door. She threw herself onto the couch in a fit of angry cursing and crying. Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to live without him, that her life wouldn’t be the same if he stayed away. “Ugh! I hate myself” she mumbled to herself.

Howie placed his bags in the trunk of his car and then entered the house. He looked around the utterly quiet house. He assumed that Leigh was fast asleep, but he was anxious to talk to her. The flight had been long and he had been able to think everything through. He sighed heavily walking up the stairs, down the hall and into the bedroom.

There she laid, her hair spread upon the pillow, one of her long legs peaking from under the sheets. She slept soundlessly, her chest moving with each breath. He recalled all the nights while on tour that he missed laying next to her. “Leigh…” he whispered leaning into her ear, she groaned as she turned around. Her eyes opening slowly, and a smile spreading across her face as she saw her husband.

“I’m sorry I got tired.” her voice was groggy as she kissed his cheek. “I thought you wanted to stay out there for a couple of days, I was surprised when you called me…”

He placed his finger on her lips “Don’t worry about it…I was thinking on the plane…and there is something I need to get off my chest.” he cleared his throat.

Concern covered her face as she sleepily sat up against the headboard, her fingers running through his hair. “Your freaking me out Howard.”

He stared at the large frame across the bed, with a picture of the twosome during the wedding, Leigh in her snug white dress and Howie in his tuxedo, both smiling happily. “Remember how happy we were that day, man everyone kept telling us that we would be together forever and that nothing would break us apart.” he smiled, as she turned to look at the picture and knew nothing good would come from the conversation. “Leigh…I don’t think that things between us are getting any better.” 

“Oh God! Are you leaving me?” she began panting, giving herself air with her hand. “It’s her isn’t it. The kid! You want to leave me for the kid…just admit it, she’s a better lay than I am.” she continued mumbling random things.

“NO!” he choked “You left me first remember, fifteen minutes before I had to put on a show…YOU LEFT ME! You broke my heart that day and I still had to bounce around that fucking stage like my life was perfect.”

“Howard I told you that was a mistake. I came back.”

“Yeah after you tried it with someone else...it didn't work and that is why you came back.” she was speechless and he could see that many thoughts were running through her head “You can keep the house, the cars…everything if you want. I’m going to stay with Kevin for a while, until I can get a place here or there. I don’t know yet. This isn’t working for me Leigh, I don‘t want to feel forced to stay with you…when I‘m clearly not happy. I’m sorry Leigh. I just can’t.”

Leigh sat her hand over her mouth, no tears, no words, just a lost expression on her face as she watched Howie walk out the door.

Two weeks had now gone by and Millie sat at the same counter desk, with a wide smile as she helped the young girl in the wheelchair huffing and puffing. “Ok…I’m so sorry, uh if you could just put this on” she placed the band over the girls tiny wrist and smiled “Your ready, just go through that door on your left and it leads you to the maternity ward. Good luck!”

She had grown used to the different emotions in the women that came up to her, some were at ease, others looked like they wanted to beat her with the clipboard and others just took out their aggression on the man next to them. As for the men some looked scared shitless, and others were patient or they just didn‘t care. At times she would stare at them and the sadness would creep up on her, days later, she would watch them wheel by with a bundle in their arms.

“Hello there Millie” Benny the older nurse leaned over the counter with a deep sigh. “We just delivered the most gorgeous baby boy…his skin is peachy, his eyes are blue like the sky and he is a fighter.” she shook her head.

“He’s a fighter?” Millie looked at her confused.

“Yeah he’s a preemie and his parents are a pair of bums, she doesn’t even want to hold him. Uh…that’s what brings me here, I was wondering if you had some extra time to help us out.” Benny raised her eyebrows.

Millie sighed “Benny!” she exclaimed “You know that I can’t be around babies it just…especially that small I just can’t.” she frowned, dreading the thought of holding such a little thing.

“Oh stop it! Listen honey I know that what happened to you was awful, but he/she is now an angel and well you have a chance to help…another little angel” Benny smiled, nudging Millie “We still don’t know if he’s going to make it, and if your help could save him, wouldn't that make you happy. Also being a volunteer gives you credit for the boss. All you have to do is come in and just sit there and talk to him, and touch him. By the end of this week you’ll be holding him. Please! We are just swamped this week.”

Millie thought for a while and finally sighed in defeat “Alright…but only this week…that is it!”

“Thank you…your off now, so I‘ll see you up there in a bit.” Benny whistled away as she hopped into the elevator. Millie watching her disappear with a confused smile.

Howie looked around the already furnished apartment, California was slightly different a little chilly in October. He swallowed hard, there was a chance to start something new, find Millie and make things right. If she wanted too. He smiled, then AJ blurred his thoughts. The twosome hadn’t spoken since the charity incident and he felt only hatred towards him.

Now AJ had called for an emergency meeting, no one knew what it was about. He changed his clothes quickly and hopped into his new Land Rover and headed to the office. He looked at his watch impatiently he wouldn’t have time to start his making it up to Millie. He sighed changing the station and speeding up to his destination.

AJ paced back and forth on the balcony of his managers office. He had thought this over and over, he knew he would be hurting lots of people. The guys, the fans and himself, but he had to do this. Try it out, even if he ended up failing and all alone. He jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry didn’t mean to frighten you!” Brian gave him a weak smile. “Is everything ok?"

"It will be once I say what I came to say." he huffed.

"Have you talked to Millie? Does she still hate you?”

AJ gave him a crooked smile “I did talk to her and she DEFINITELY still hates me. I guess I really fucked up this time" he sighed as they entered the office, he met Nick and Howie’s eyes as he took a seat.

“So what the hell is all this about a emergency meeting” Nick questioned a little annoyed.

Brian glared at Nick “Nick cool it please.“

AJ looked at each of his band mates, one by one. “Uh…I don’t know how to say this…” he drummed his fingers on the table, while everyone looked at him impatiently.

Millie exited the elevator and walked down the long corridor, greeting the nurses at the nurses station. Then stood at the nursery window, she looked at the six newborns, two girls, they wore pink beanies and four boys, they wore blue ones. Two were sound asleep, one was sucking on his hand and the other three were having weeping fits.

“You came, I was starting to think you might just run off.” Benny giggled “Come on kid.” she entered the nursery.

Millie trailed behind, getting an uneasy feeling. “Well I told you I would come and here I am. I feel dizzy…”

“Just breathe.” Benny instructed as she handed Millie some scrubs and a mask. “I’ll be in the next room, just go through this door when your done.” she exited the room.

Millie slowly put on the scrubs, then proceeded to enter the room, with a faint beeping sound and a lot of machines. In the far corner was the incubator, with two large holes on the sides, big enough to fit arms. “Here he is…he doesn’t have a name yet. We just call him “Preemie’ for now.”

Millie gasped as she saw the perfectly formed child nestled on a blanket, five fingers, five toes, a bald little head, eyes, ears, nose, and a pink little mouth. “Oh my god he’s perfect…I mean for a bum’s child. I woman like that doesn’t take good care of herself…I wouldn‘t think.” she smiled as the newborn gazed her way with big blue eyes.

“Look at that…” Benny laughed “He’s looking straight at you. Actually she only went to the doctor once, in an emergency, but she doesn't have any drug habits. He's healthy! Just has problems breathing like any other preemie. Now, I know I said you couldn’t carry him. But it’s feeding time and we like them to be held, so let me…” she opened the incabator and carefully took the tiny person out. He fit in her two hands and she slowly held him out to Millie.

She froze staring at the child “Uh…I don’t know how to hold him.”

“It’s ok…don’t get upset. Take a seat on the rocking chair and I’ll hand him to you.”

Millie sat down and took the baby that slid into her hands carefully, she cradled him between her arm and chest as he continued to gaze at her with his tiny sleepy eyes. Making her break into a nervous chuckle, she hadn’t even noticed that Benny had exited the room and was back with a feeding tube. She sat there for as long as she was aloud, holding on to the precious unwanted baby.

Nick took his seat again, “Sorry it was Sarah…ok so back to our conversation.” he gave everyone a cheesy smile.

“I had something important that I wanted to do…but I had to come here, cause we had a meeting and your not saying shit.” Howie complained, pursing his lips with discontent.

AJ furrowed his brows with anger and glared at Howie, cleared his throat and spoke up “Fine, you guys want to know already. I was trying to find a nice and gentle way to say this…but I guess it doesn’t matter.” he stood up, slamming his hand on the table. “I QUIT! I’m going on my own, and I’m leaving tomorrow to London…you guys can’t stop me.”

Brian gasped in surprise “What?”

“You can’t do that…” Nick whined.

Howie smiled, it had to be AJ to do something so selfish. It didn’t really bother him, maybe with his plans he didn’t need to be in a boy band anymore and the best part was he wouldn’t have to see the jerk any longer.

It was late and Millie was tired from her long day, but she couldn’t stop thinking of the preemie. His tiny hands and his almond blue eyes staring at her. Her smile turned upside down when she noticed AJ leaning against his car in her driveway. She parked and hopped out of her car, already annoyed by his presence.

“Hi Mill.” he sighed.

She glared at him “Hi. What do you want AJ? I’m tired and I really don’t have time to…” suddenly his lips were against hers.

This time she didn’t kiss him back and when she had the strength she pushed him away “Your kisses don’t do anything anymore AJ. Just tell me what you want!” she demanded crossing her arms over her chest.

“Fine, I came to say bye…I quit the group. I’m moving to London to be away from everything, especially you…”

“What? You can’t do that! Did you even take a moment to think about the guys…how could you up and quit.” she smacked him on the arm. “Your so selfish…!” she snapped.

AJ looked at the ground and nodded his head “Your right! I’m selfish, I was selfish to ask you to marry me when I wasn’t ready for it. For cheating on you all the time, when the whole time I was just afraid to love you.” he swallowed the knot as she looked at him angrily “I just didn’t want you to find something better while I was gone…I guess that was inevitable! Then I did push Howie on to you, although he was with you cause he wanted to! I know I’ve hurt you over and over, but I realized that I do love you. More than anything…”

“About two years ago I did love you…so much AJ. When you were gone all I did was think of you and hope that you were safe and sound. When you were off screwing who knows who. You made that love fad away…you.” she poked his chest “That still doesn’t give you the god given right to break up the group!” she stormed towards the house.

“Wait…” he reached out for her arm “I know your disappointed in me, you’ve been for the longest. I’m leaving and no one is changing my mind. I’m starting my life over and the guys will just have to except it!”

“AJ it makes no sense your in the middle of a fucking tour.”

“Yeah so..” he shrugged like it was no big deal. “They’ll survive! Maybe they can have some reality show to see how they get the next fuck up of the group.” He raised his eyebrows. “I’m leaving…I love you! I really truly do, but I know you love him. Have a nice life Mill.” he kissed her forehead and jumped into his car and drove off.

Millie was angry at him for making such a stupid decision. She stood there staring at the empty driveway, but she couldn’t cry. AJ wouldn’t make her feel guilty any longer. Not for loving someone else. “Good bye AJ!” she finally whispered.

The next morning the remaining three Backstreet Boys sat at a round table in the record label office.

“I can’t believe the prick did this to us…I mean, just quit in the middle of a tour.” Nick banged his fist on the table. “What now?”

“I’m not sure, we’ve sold tickets all through the end of November.” Howie thought out loud.

“Well we are on a break right now, till Halloween. Maybe he’ll change his mind and come back to help us out.” Brian rubbed his temples.

The door opened and in filed the management, tour manager, the publicist and a couple of other suited people. “Hello guys…we have been going through all this. We came to the conclusion that we can’t just come out and say that AJ is a…what’s the word.” the dark haired man looked around for some help.

“A selfish prick!” Howie answered.

The man pointed at Howie “That will fit, so we can’t just come out and say that he is a selfish prick, whom decided to leave the group out of the blue. We would have to say that he is sick or something…”

Lana the overly serious publicist spoke up “We are trying to set up a press conference.” she sighed with annoyance. “Listen guys this is not going to go well…album sells were a flop this time around, then with the back taxes mistake and now canceling a tour. You guys will be lucky to have any fans after this. If you guys aren’t ready for what is to come…someone needs to talk to that stubborn ass man. Or just face the consequences.”

Brian cleared his throat “So your saying we convince him to finish the concerts that have already been scheduled.” he sighed, they all knew that AJ was stubborn as a bull.

Howie stood up “Well you guys can try, I’m not wasting my time with him. Is this it?” he was anxious to get to the hospital and do what he had been wanting to since yesterday.

“Yes that is it.” Lana spoke, “So we can stall another week, but once it hit’s the twentieth we need an answer guys.” everyone shuffled out of the office. Brian headed to the airport back to Atlanta and Nick went home to Sarah. While Howie drove himself to the St Joseph Hospital.

He sat in the car a good half an hour, he looked at his watch it was barely noon. Maybe he would catch her.

Millie sat impatiently, never had the days felt so long before. All she wanted was for it to be six already so she could go upstairs and hold Elijah that was his name, in her mind. When the nurses were present she just called him sweet names. On her lunch break she gave up eating, just to visit him.

“Alright go…just go woman!” her manager smiled and waved her towards the elevator “One hour lunch…go” she laughed at Millie who pushed the elevator button impatiently and almost jumped in as the doors opened.

She power walked down the hallway, it took her no longer than five minutes to get there, and another five to put the scrubs on, wash her hands and sign in. “Hey Benny…” she greeted, taking a seat on the rocking chair.

“Hi there, early lunch today.” she chuckled handing over the baby.

Millie smiled as she held the tiny baby in her hands, he stretched and yawned, his little mouth opening wide. “He’s adorable. Did his mother come back to see him?” she looked up, taking the bottle from Benny. The older woman just nodded with a frown, while Millie stuck the bottle carefully in the little opened mouth.

“I’ll be back, got a check on the other six that we delivered today. Is it me or is everyone and their momma pregnant lately?” they laughed as she exited the room. Leaving Millie inspecting the newborn, like it was the first time she saw him.

A couple of minutes later Benny came through the door a puzzled look on her face. “Hey sweetie, there is a young fine looking man outside. He says he’d like to talk to you.” she shrugged.

Millie rolled her eyes and groaned “It must be AJ, he was supposed to leave to London this morning. Tell him I can’t talk…” Benny opened her mouth to speak, but Millie spoke before “I don’t want to see him, really. Just tell him I’m busy.” she nodded her head with frustration.

Howie stared at all the bundles in the room, some were in pink others in blue. They were so tiny to him. He saw the older woman walk through the nursery and open the door, she seemed embarrassed “I’m sorry…she can’t see you right now.”

He bowed his head, “How about tomorrow? Can she talk to me tomorrow? Tell her I’m going to keep coming until she talks to me. Thanks.” he turned around and disappointedly walked down the hall. Was she that mad? That she didn’t even want to give him a second.

The walk to his car was long, he dragged his feet against the pavement, his hands still stuffed in his pockets. He would come everyday, until she would finally get tired of him and give him the chance to apologize.

Millie carefully placed a kiss on the babies wrinkled forehead and placed him back in his incubator. She removed the scrubs and took a look at the rest of the babies in the nursery, Benny came in to the room. “You could have talked to the handsome man.”

“Was he upset? I know AJ is pushy, I’m surprised he just left.” she twirled a pink blanket in her hands.

Benny laughed “Well he did say that he is coming back everyday until you talk to him.”

This made Millie think, AJ had said he was leaving this morning. He wouldn’t stick around unless he had decided to stay with the group. “Uh what did he look like?”

“Hum…a little taller than you, dark wavy hair combed back…big brown eyes. I’d guess he's Hispanic…”

Millie’s eyes widened “Holy…crap! That wasn’t AJ it was Howie…I gotta catch up to him…” she darted out of the nursery, jogged through the hall, hopped into an already crowded elevator. Then pushed her way out as soon as the doors opened and scanned the main lobby, there was no Howie in sight. She walked out and looked around the parking lot, but she had no luck. “Damn it!” she was disappointed in herself, but then she remembered “He’ll be back tomorrow…” she smiled all the way back to her station.

The next morning Millie entered the hospital ready to face the day. Her coworkers were startled at her new look, her hair had been straightened out, she wore a pair of black trousers, a bright pink silk blouse and a huge smile. “Morning” she beamed.

Benny rounded the corner, not looking as ready to face the day as Millie. “Lord…what happened to Millie?” she teased, removing her sunglasses. “Oh right! Prince charming is coming today.” she chuckled pushing the elevator button “See you at lunch Mill…” she shouted hopping in to the box.

Howie sighed heavily as he looked out the small window, the wings of the plane cutting through the fluffy clouds. He felt a nudge against his shoulder “I know that this interferes with your plans, but…we‘ve got to find him.” Brian tried to think of a reasonable statement.

“It’s alright Brian…I don’t think she’s going anywhere…I hope she’s not!” he gave his band mate a crooked smile “I just hope we can find him quick…what if it takes us all week? Who knows where in London his ass is?” he huffed with annoyance.

Their conversation was interrupted by Nick hovering over them “Yo…you gonna eat your peanuts?” Brian rolled his eyes, amused at Nick’s lack of worry, while Howie flung the small pack of peanuts at Nick’s chest. “Thanks man…” he smiled like a child given candy and slouched back into his seat by Sarah.

“And he wants to get married.” Brian sighed as the twosome laughed.

Millie had passed up the chance to see Elijah, in the attempt to speak to Howie out of the hospital, if he showed. She had been pacing for the past forty five minutes of her lunch. Her stomach was growling. Her throat felt funny after she had tried smoking and which had caused her to break into a cough attack. Then had taken turns sitting, pacing, humming, and lastly talking to random strangers.

She entered the hospital borrowed the information phone and called up to Benny. “Are you sure? Maybe he slipped by…I must have hurt his feelings and he’s not coming back Benny!” she sighed and hung up. She was disappointed in herself. If only she would have asked what he looked like before sending him away. Hadn’t he said he would return everyday?

Full of sadness she headed back to her station, maybe he would come later in the evening. In case he didn’t she still had one more thing to look forward to this day. Elijah, he would be happy to see her, just like he was everyday. Her frown turned to a smile and she busied herself with some paperwork.

The foursome had checked into their rooms and were now gathered in Brian’s room. Nick surfed through the channels, but there was no word of AJ Mclean in London. “There’s no news of him here, there’s none out in California. Did the earth swallow him up?” Nick turned off the TV and flung himself on the bed.

“Who knows, we are going to have to check out the local clubs, bars, music studios…I don’t know where else to look.” Brian shrugged already irritated.

Nick yawned "Tattoo parlors, goth hang outs, the mall, shoe stores, and maybe even a brothel or too. I hurt man needs some ass." he shrugged as everyone looked at him funny. "I'm just saying..." 

Howie sighed heavily, lately that was all he did “How about hotels…he has to be staying in one for now. He just came out here, no way he has a house lined up yet.”

With long and tired faces the group of four headed out on the search for their lost member. They had a deadline to meet and finding AJ would be more difficult than they could imagine.

Nick and Sarah hit all the bars close to their hotel room, stopping to have a drink or two themselves. Chatting away with the friendly people they met on their search.

Brian checked the music studios he had found on google search, but so far had no luck in any of the three he had visited. All he could think about was that he would ring AJ’s neck when he did find him.

Howie had the worst job asking random people if they had seen AJ Mclean and risking being noticed by any fans. Women smiled and gushed about their love for him and if they did see him, they would kidnap him. Others just nodded, responding that they had no clue who the Backstreet Boys were. He sat at a small café and ordered a coffee, as he waited he wondered if Millie had been waiting for him today. If she had changed her mind about seeing him?

Millie walked through the nursery in her scrubs and entered the NICU, another nurse held onto Elijah and smiled as she saw Millie enter. She greeted her and traded places.

“Hi there sweetheart…how are you doing today?” she spoke to him soothingly and watched as his tiny belly moved rapidly up and down with each of his accelerated breaths. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be pale, not his usual peachy color.

“Hey there…” Benny’s face showed her exhaustion and a hint of worry. “How’s he doing?” she asked poking his tiny hand with her index finger, he didn’t grasp it like he usually did. She took her stethoscope plugged the hallow tubes into her ears and placed the cup against his chest. “I was told he had an episode last night. He has RDS, Apnea and his blood pressure keeps dropping.”

“What does that mean?” Millie looked up at her with fear. “He wasn’t breathing…?”

Benny sighed “RDS respiratory distress syndrome, it means that its hard for him to breath…so he struggles, that’s what makes his belly move so fast. When he gets those attacks for breath he gets Apnea which is when his heart rate slows down. All that causes his blood pressure to lower and we have to medicate him and get him back to breathing.”

“But I thought he was doing good…you said he didn’t need help breathing…”

“Millie…he’s a baby fighting for his life still. We could lose him any moment or he could make it through…we never know hun.”

Millie swallowed the knot in her throat “You talk about him like he’s some worn out car…that’s on it’s last putt…putt…he’s a baby…and he’s going to make it Benny. Don’t be so fucking negative.” she glared at the older woman, whom she respected.

“I’m sorry Millie…I’m a nurse, not a therapist. I have to give it to you like it is…”

Just as she was going to answer Benny, the beeping of his heart monitor gradually declined. She looked down at the baby, he had gone from pale to bluish and his chest rose at a fast pace. Benny quickly took him from Millie and placed him back. Calling out for help and pushing Millie out of the room. “You have to go Millie…” she gave her a sympathetic look.

“Benny…please…don’t let him die…” the knot wouldn’t go down and the tears were in her eyes as she was shoved out of the way by the nurses rushing past her.

“Go home Millie. I’ll call you…I promise.” the door closed on her face as she heard commands and different words that she didn’t understand being shouted. The beeping sounded like it would come to a stop any minute. Another nurse escorted her to remove the scrubs and made sure she was out of the nursery.

Howie hung up the phone, and threw himself onto the bed “I can’t believe that his ass is no where to be found. This is going to take days…”

“I know…but we have to be patient Howard! What happened she wasn’t there?” Brian asked, sitting on a lounging chair as he clicked on the control.

“No…she had already gone home. Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn’t bother looking for her, that I should just move on with my life. Forget her.” he closed his eyes, a hammer of pain slowly began to pound on his temples.

Brian chuckled “Yeah right! Maybe your just supposed to have patience and focus on finding AJ first. Millie isn’t going anywhere like you said.”

He sat up “You’ve got a point, we have to fix this first and then I can go back to Millie. How about we go get something to eat…I’m starving.” he grabbed his wallet and keycard from the table and they exited the room.

Millie sat huddled up on the couch, she had been crying since she hopped into the car, drove home and now sat three hours later in front of the loud television. She waited impatiently for her father to get home, the night she needed him and he was late.

Sooner than her thoughts could make an unpleasant turn, the door swung open and there stood her father a startled look on his face. “Millicen are you alright? What happened honey?” he closed the door as he caught his daughter in his arms. “Which one was it?” he pulled away to look at her face.

“The new one…” she choked “He’s already giving me grief. Dad he was blue…and he was barely breathing…and Benny…” she paused with each hiccup “She said that he can still die…then Howie…he didn’t come back…”

He sat on the couch his daughter tumbling next him, her face buried into his shoulder “Oh Millie…don’t cry. Everything will work out, he’s strong. He’s made it past three days I’ve heard thats the critical period. Have faith Millie.” he caressed her hair.

“I don’t want him to die! He can’t die…” she cried.

It was the end of the week and Millie sat happily caressing her new little friend. He was back to his peachy color, he was more alert, and his eyes gazed curiously at her. “I wish I could keep you…it’s like your mine already.” she caressed his smooth face with her finger.

“It’s official…” Benny said prancing cheerfully into the NICU with a small card in hand “Look at this!” she turned the card around and it read ‘baby Elijah’ they both smiled “That’s his name now.”

“Really?” Millie looked up anxiously at Benny.

“Yup, we all decided that we can’t keep calling him ‘preemie’ ‘baby’ so he’s got a name.” Benny’s smile beamed.

She turned her gaze back at Elijah “You’ve got a name now…you like it?” she continued circling her finger over his cheek.

Benny placed the card on the side of his bed, and then turned around with a frown “Then there is a not so good official news too.” Millie questioned her with her raised eyebrows, Benny let out a sigh. She knew that the news would break Millie’s heart even if it didn’t happen right away. “He’s being put up for adoption. The mother never signed him over, but she will hopefully come in sometime next week.

“Someone could adopt him now…? You think I could? I mean…I have a steady job, I live in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood. He’d have a grandpa and maybe if Howie decides to come back…he’ll have a father.” she almost sounded like a child that wanted a toy, really bad.

“I’m not sure, I suppose you could. We would have to wait you know. He’s going to be here at least a full month or two. So you have time.” she patted Millie on the shoulder. “Your lunch is over, you should go before they band you fom the NICU.” she laughed as Millie handed over Elijah.

“Ok…I wont be coming later today. I’m having dinner with my father, at a fancy restaurant. Which means there is some news.”

Benny laughed again as she cradled the little man in her arms “Maybe he has a step mom for you…?”

Millie playfully glared at her “Don’t even joke about it…see ya” she jogged back to her station.

Howie flung his bag across the room, it landed neatly in the corner. The frustration was at it’s peak, he wanted to catch AJ and just strangle him. He had lost all this time and they still hadn’t found him. Luckily Leighanne’s whining had driven Brian to getting them all on a plane and back home.

He was tempted to try the hospital again, maybe he would find her there, but he was to exhausted to be turned down again. So he opted for hopping into a warm and relaxing shower, then going out to get some dinner.

“Welcome to Koi” a hostess greeted.

Millie straightened out her lacy blue baby doll dress as she entered the restaurant patio behind her father, the place was welcoming, with votive flickering candles, bamboo sticks hung against the walls and a big Buddha hung above a fireplace. He took her hand as they entered the crowded and busy room. A long sushi bar lined the wall, the place was dimly lit, and the walls were covered with red and gold colors. Round wooden tables, were almost clustered together, the twosome took a seat, she looked around uncomfortably. There was a buzz of voices and laughter in the air, the clinking of utensils against plates, the sizzling of the noodle’s being friend in the background.

“So dad…uh what brings us here? This place is a celebrity spot?” she whispered over the table.

He smiled “I have a surprise…” he didn’t say anything else as they sat in silence for a couple of minutes. “So how is Elijah? I’m so glad that they gave him the name you chose.” he placed his hand over hers.

She smiled widely at the sound of the babies name “Oh I know…I am so happy. Speaking of Elijah dad…” she paused unsure to voice her plans. “Do you think they would let me adopt him?”

Mr. Nunez’s face turned serious “Oh hun…are you sure you would like to take such responsibility? It’s a process and it takes a lot of patience.” he informed her.

“Does that mean you don’t think I would be suitable for his mother? I can be his mother…I think.”

He was about to answer when a tall, petite, brunette with blue eyes and a gentle smile stood over them. “Hi Eddie” she beamed as he stood and planted a kiss on her rosy cheek. “I’m so sorry I’m late, I had a client last minute.” he pulled her chair and she delicately took a seat.

Millie sat almost frozen in her chair, his surprise was a woman. Her dad was dating again and he was introducing his new object of affection to her. She didn’t know what to feel, happiness, jealousy, concern or anger because he was barely telling her now. Then again he was her dad and he deserved happiness too, she was beautiful and seemed very polite.

“Earth to Millie…” her father waved his hand in her face “Honey…”

She snapped out of her thoughts “Oh I’m sorry dad…” she looked up, her cheeks blushing.

“Rachelle this is my daughter Millicen…Millie for short. Millie this is Rachelle my…new girlfriend.” he half smiled, waiting for her response.

“Nice to meet you Rachelle…” she smiled as she took her menu. “I see you’re the reason for my dad’s smiling again and the late nights” she giggled.

Rachelle blushed “I confess I am…I hope you don’t mind. He looks so handsome when he smiles.” her laughter was soft and girly.

“Not at all, I actually think the same.” Millie chuckled.

They ordered their food. Then they started a conversation, her father watched the interaction between the two women. He had to make sure that his daughter was ok with his choice of love interest, not that she really had a say. But Millie’s opinion meant the world to him. He sighed with relief that they were smiling and accepting each other.

Howie opened the door of the passenger seat “Damn I’m glad you could come with me…I love this place. I just didn’t want to come alone.” He walked next to the long haired woman as they talked and laughed, walking into the restaurant.

“Welcome to Koi. I’m sorry if you can give me one second please.” the hostess smiled warmly as Howie returned the gesture. The twosome stood near the wall of the patio out of the way of the those departing.

“I just hope we don’t wait forever it’s like nine already. Anyways…so did you find her? Or AJ?” she asked.

“Uh I found her, but she doesn’t want to talk to me. As for that idiot we looked everywhere and nothing. We are due to go back next week.” he sighed, just remembering the trip, frustrated him.

She patted his back "Don't get so frustrated, he's heart broken and lonely. He'll come around and you guys will find him. As for Millie...don't give up. A Dorough never gives up!" she smiled.

Mr. Nunez linked his arm to his daughter’s and the other one to Rachelle. They walked out into the chilly night, the candle flames danced with the breeze. Rachelle stopped to take out a cigarette pack from her purse and stuck one in her mouth. “Sorry bad habit…” she lit the tip and took a puff.

Millie remembered her encounter with the nasty tobacco stick earlier that week. There was no way she would try one again. She stood to the side, watching her father interact with the new woman in his life. She was happy for him, that was her overall feeling. Watching them reminded her of Howie and her dumb decision to send him away. She sighed, sticking her fingers in the mini pond in front of her.

“Alright Mr. Dorough you can follow me.” she led them down the patio.

He walked behind both women and suddenly came to a halt, he watched as her hair blew with the wind and knew who she was. He stood right behind her “Millie” he spoke softly.

Millie tensed as she heard her name, then inched her way around to find herself face to face with Howie. She bashfully pulled a strand of hair behind her ear “Hi!” she spoke with a smile on her face. “Wow…this is a coincidence…” she giggled.

He smiled as he retraced every inch of her face, ignoring the temptation to run the side of his hand against her cheek. “Oh yeah…I know…I was…”

“Hey come on…what’s the hold up?” a hand slipped over his arm and a chin rested on his shoulder. “I’m hungry” the voice whined.

Millie’s face gloomed as she saw the beautiful woman close to Howie. “Oh I’m sorry…I didn’t know…I have to go…” she began to walk away. Why had he said he would come back? When he was obviously with someone already. Maybe she was his back up plan. She didn’t want to be angry, but she was. Her cheeks were burning, her heart was thudding excessively and she wanted to cry.

“Oh god Howie. I’m sorry is that her?” she covered her mouth “Well go and get her moron. I’ll wait for you inside, don’t be mad if I’m stuffed by the time you get back.” she chuckled.

He smiled, already walking away he turned “Thanks Polly! You’re the best sister.”

“Yeah…yeah…” she walked through the doors.

Millie paced outside, waiting for her father. She was mumbling things to herself and even though she had struggled to keep the stubborn tears from falling they had a mind of their own. She sniffled and wiped her cheeks.

“Are you alright?” she heard the familiar voice that made her dinner, rise and fall in the pit of her stomach. He placed a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off.

Her back was still to him, but she spoke anyway “You said you would keep coming back, but you didn’t…I waited. You…”

“Oh yeah I know. I’m sorry! It’s just that, well I…” he began.

She spun around and interrupted him “Its only been a week and you already have someone else---”

“That is not what it looks like.” he smiled, she was jealous and he was gloating, because it meant that she still felt something for him. “She’s my---”

She put her hand up “I don’t want to hear it. Please. I have to go.” she walked away as fast as she could.

Howie stood a wide grin on his face, he’d explain during the week. He was still going to look for her at the hospital and he’d wait as long as he’d have to until she gave him a chance to let her know that the woman was. Pollyanna his older sister.

“Oh wow last Monday you were looking radiant. A week later you look like someone died. Did someone die?” Benny asked poking the baby with a tiny needle.

Millie flinched and the baby let out a tiny cry and fell back to sleep. “No…well does my heart count?” she pouted, looking down at Elijah. “Why does he sleep so much?” she asked.

“Your heart died?” Benny looked at her puzzled “I don’t get it…it’s the medication honey, puts him to sleep.”

Millie sighed, rocking back in forth “It took him one week to find someone else…” she muttered as Benny looked at her, placing her hand over her mouth “Yeah I know…one damn week. Are you sure about what he said...cause he was with a woman. She’s beautiful, too tall for him if you ask me.”

“I’m sooo confused.”

“I saw him on Friday at some dumb fancy restaurant, where by the way my dad introduced me to his new girlfriend…whom is beautiful and very friendly. So anyways he was there with this very tall and beautiful brunette and…ugh! Must I say more.” she sighed putting the baby back.

“Uh…actually yeah. So did he kiss her, hug her intimately…did he tell you he was with her. What if it was a friend?” Millie got up and headed off to remove her scrubs. “Millie your jumping to conclusions.”

She shook her head “No…I’m not! You know maybe I’m better off alone.” she rolled her eyes as they passed through the nursery “I just wish they would leave…me…” she looked up and saw Howie looking into the nursery window.

Howie ran his fingers through his hair. The look on her face made him nervous, it was angry and confused. He was just worried that she wouldn’t let him explain, but he would anyway. Damn it!

He leaned against the wall next to the door where he knew she would come out of. He was crossing his arms when she walked out waving at Benny “Bring me a coke please…” Benny stuck her head out, as Millie nodded.

“Hey there…” Howie cleared his throat, making her look up at him. He was startled by the bags under her eyes and the tired look on her face. “Are you alright?”

She rolled her eyes and started down the hallway “I’m fine!” she snapped “What are you doing here?” she stopped in front of the elevators, then pushed the down arrow button. She crossed her arms over her chest, and stared at the elevator.

“I’m not sure why your so angry?” he stood next to her in the same position, looking at her from the corner of his eyes.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, she stepped in and pushed the button with a number one on it. The doors closed and silence filled the box. “What do you want Howie? Look wouldn’t it just be easier for both of us if you just stayed away…seriously. I’m done with games.” she looked at him, her eyes weld up.

“You think this is a game? That I come here to torture you. Your not the only one that has been hurting with all this craziness Millie.” the elevator doors opened and they stepped out. “Can we talk outside?”

She shrugged. rolled her eyes and then followed him. They exited the glass doors and stood outside. “I really don’t know what we have to talk about…I have to go back with Elijah.”

A pang of jealousy hit Howie’s stomach as he heard the male name. Who the hell could that be? “Uh…I know I over reacted the other day, when I found out about AJ. It’s just every guys nightmare to find out that the girl you love, is sleeping with your best friend.” he stuck his hands in his pockets.

“I know and I’m really sorry about that. Like I said it was only twice and it meant nothing, I was lonely, sad, heart broken and really angry. Not that it’s excusable..I'm sorry!" she sighed heavily "I didn't think you would come back, anyways you shouldn’t have come here and then told Benny that you were going to come everyday and then you don’t even come back for a whole week…” she took in a breath.

“Oh yeah…I‘m…” he started.

“So I wait for you and you go missing for a whole week…then I find you with some tall ass brunette at the restaurant. You guys seem very…” she continued rambling on.

He smirked “Millie…it’s not what you think!” he tried to talk over her.

Millie continued “So that just makes you a liar cause you didn’t come back and it looks like you had a back up plan with someone…”

Howie grabbed hold of both her forearms, catching her off guard “Would you listen to me woman…” she tried speaking but he pressed two fingers against her mouth “Let me finish…I did say I would come until you spoke to me again. I meant it, but I’m having issues…” he let go and ran his fingers through his hair “With AJ leaving and all. I promise I was going to come back, but we had to fly to London.”

She huffed crossing her arms again. “Ok…so you didn’t come for a week cause you had to go to London. Thanks for explaining that to me…now I have to get back. I hope that she makes…”

He rolled his eyes and groaned. “Millicen…she’s my sister. Pollyanna. Plus she’s taller than me.”

Millie turned red as her mouth fell open, the embarrassment obvious on her face. “What? Your sister…the brunette was your…oh god!” she placed a hand over her face “How embarrassing…It’s just I thought…” she bit her lip, she didn’t know what to say.

Howie chuckled “I am happy you were jealous.” he smiled.

The redness crept back onto her cheeks, as she smirked “I was not…ok maybe a little. Shut up! Well I have to get Benny’s coke and go back up with Elijah.” she entered the hospital, Howie trailing behind her.

“Uh…may I ask who Elijah is?”

She giggled “Oh it’s a white boy I visit during my breaks and after work. He’s great. We are like two peas in a pod.”

He looked at the ground as they entered the cafeteria “So…uh what’s he like?” he didn’t want to come out and ask the obvious question floating in his mind.

“Oh he’s gorgeous, blue eyes, blonde hair…stares at me a lot and he‘s strong.” she sighed remembering her little bald man, but she got a kick out of the uneasiness in Howie’s face. “You want to meet him?” she smirked.

“Uh…I’m not sure. I’ve got a lot of things to do. I really just wanted to explain to you, since you jumped…”

“Don’t remind me. Come on…you might like him. He’s easy to get along with and he is important to me.” she held a coke in one hand and pushed the elevator button with the other.

Howie sighed sticking his hands into his pockets. She had just started working here, how could someone be so important already. He sighed. “Alright I guess. If he’s THAT important to you.” the elevator ride to the third floor was quiet. He didn’t know what to expect, all he could imagine was some handsome, tall, whit doctor with blue eyes checking out his Millie. He sighed heavily.

Millie entered the room and met with Benny whom happily took the coke from her hand. “Hey can he go back there and meet Elijah? Please”

Benny smiled and nodded “Sure thing…only for a little while. He’s gonna be busy tonight.” she handed Howie a pair of scrubs. He stared at them confused as to what he was to do with them.

Millie giggled as she slipped on her own “You need to wear it to go in there.”

He shrugged and put on his scrubs, then washed their hands thoroughly. They walked into the room and all he saw were different machines and an incubator in the corner. “So where is he?” Howie asked expecting to see handsome doctor appear from out of nowhere in his signature white coat.

“He’s over here…” Millie giggled as she carefully pulled out Elijah, she nestled him into her arm. “Isn’t he beautiful?”

He was taken aback on how careful and gentle she was with the little person in her arms. The way her eyes sparkled as she stared at him and his little blue eyes looked back at her, this moment would be etched in his mind forever. “He’s a baby…”

She smirked “What did you think…he was some hunky doctor?” she looked up at him with a grin.

“Well the way you described him…wait a minute you did that on purpose.” he playfully glared at her.

She giggled “It almost looked lik you were jealous."

He cleared his throat "Maybe just a little..." he chuckled.

"Here…” she held out the baby towards him, he nodded “What? He doesn’t bite…look at him.”

“I can’t Millie I don’t know how to…” she slipped the baby into his arms “OOOK!” his heart was racing, it was nerve wrecking holding something so fragile. He smiled as Elijah stared at him, with his blue eyes. “He’s so tiny!” he whispered.

“Yeah he’s a preemie, his mommy had him at seven months. Unfortunately she wanted nothing to do with him. He’ll be put up for adoption soon, once he gets even better.” she frowned. Although she was dying to be the one to adopt him, over the weekend she had decided that there was no way that they would let her keep him. So she wouldn’t bother trying. She would just enjoy the time she could with him.

Howie traced a finger over Elijah’s tiny chin and his little pink mouth opened into a smile and ended with a low coo. “Was that a smile?” Howie was so fascinated with the little bundle, he was also smiling from ear to ear.

Millie sniffled, wiping away a tear as she watched Howie interact with the baby. He would have looked so perfect as a daddy, she thought to herself. “That’s his first smile. He likes you.”

“I like you too.” Howie replie tenderly. Then handed the baby back to Millie, she took him back in her arms. “I’ve got to go” he muttered gazing into her eyes, his face was inches away from hers. “Can I come back tomorrow?”

She didn’t break the eye contact with him as she responded “Of course…we will be waiting.” he leaned closer to her, her heart was pounding full force and if she wasn’t so conscious that Elijah was in her arms they would have melted off. She closed her eyes as he drew closer and then felt his lips graze her cheek. She was disappointed, but any touch from him was welcome.

“See you tomorrow!” He whispered, as she opened her eyes slowly to see him flash a smile and then walk out the door.

The tears spilled as soon as she saw the door close behind him, the moment was to much for her. She took a seat and rocked back and forth slowly as she nuzzled the babies cheek with her nose. “Isn’t he wonderful.” she smiled, sniffing back the tears.

Day after day Howie kept coming back at the same time to do the same thing. Make Millie and Elijah company, he had grown fond of the bundle of joy. “He’s growing…” Howie exclaimed, watching how the baby grasped his finger. “Does that mean that he’ll be leaving soon?” Howie asked Benny, who zoomed past him.

“Unfortunately yes…I’m just saddened that Millie will be so heart broken when that happens.” she said putting away a couple of supplies, Millie was due any moment.

“Has she thought about adopting him? I mean…before they take him or someone else does.” Howie brushed his finger over the babies tiny nose as he spoke.

“She thought about it, but she’s afraid they will turn her down. So she doesn’t even want to try. I’m just afraid of her reaction when it comes time for Elijah to go. You know it wasn’t easy for her losing a baby…” Benny spun around realizing who she was telling Millie’s big secret to. “I mean…” she wanted to something else, but the words clogged her throat as she caught Howie’s surprised look.

“What? Millie was pregnant…” Howie handed over the baby, his head was suddenly spinning and his heart was racing. AJ had impregnated the woman he was in love with and they hadn’t had the decency to let him know. “I have to go…” he said standing up and dazedly making way towards the door.

“Howie…” Benny called as loud as she could without startling the babies, but he was quickly gone. “Shit” she muttered, knowing she had really blown it this time.

Millie hopped into the elevator, she couldn’t wait to see the two important men in her life. Although a couple of weeks had gone by, Howie had made no type of move on her and she was starting to believe that they were destined to just be friends. They had done many things together lately, lunches, dinners, walks in the park, the movies and even strolls along the beach, but nothing ever happened.

Just as the elevator opened, she was startled by the look on Howie’s face. “Hey…your leaving so soon?” she asked with a smile, “Is something wrong? Is Elijah ok?” she asked concern in her voice.

“Why?” he asked stepping into the elevator “Why didn’t you just tell me…I would have understood…I think.” he was still in a daze as he stepped into the elevator standing next to her.

She looked at him puzzled “What are you talking about?” she asked as the door closed again, she watched him lean over and push the G button. It didn’t matter where they were going she wanted to know why he was acting funny. “Howie…” she put a hand on his shoulder.

“You got pregnant by him and you guys didn’t have the decency to tell me. What? You thought I didn’t have the right to know that the woman I love and my best friend where having a child.” he looked up at her with his brown eyes, nothing but sorrow lingered in them. “You could have told me that you lost it…”

Millie felt a stab in her heart as he said the words. She didn’t understand how he knew, he wasn’t supposed to know. “What? Who told you that?” she asked grabbing his arm “Tell me…you weren’t supposed to know that” the tears quickly began to spill.

“Why?” he looked up at her “Because it was AJ‘s…god damn it!” he shouted, making her jump.

The door flew open and he stepped out “Wait Howie…please let me explain.” she called after him, but he continued to walk, wherever his legs would take him. She jogged after him and tried pulling him by the shirt “Please listen to me…” she choked on her words.

“I don’t want to hear it. I’m feeling a little sick right now…just the thought of you and AJ makes me sick, but the fact of you being pregnant by him REALLY…” He continued throwing out random insults.

She finally stopped as he continued to walk “It was yours…” she shouted hugging herself. Howie came to an abrupt halt “The baby was yours…not AJ‘s…”

Even though he had come to a stop, he felt the whole garage moving around him quickly. He held his head trying to make the spinning stop “What?” he spun around and slowly made his way back to a weeping Millie. “You…and me…” he didn’t know what to say now, there were so many emotions running through him.

“Yeah…you and me. We made a baby and I lost it…”she covered her mouth to muffle her cry “I’m sorry, I didn’t know….I didn’t know.” she kept saying in a whisper.

He covered his face with his hands and let them run up and through his hair “Why didn’t you tell me? How could you not tell me? That’s what the scar was…?” he swallowed hard. He had no idea how to react to the news, he was angry that she hadn’t said anything, saddened for losing a small life that had been produced by their love and confused.

The anger had overpowered any emotion she had read on his face, he was red and she could see tears in his eyes. It hurt her to see the pain this secret that she had held on for so long caused him. She placed a hand on his arm “I was so heartbroken that you left me and I was ashamed that I couldn’t even carry…our child. I couldn‘t bring myself to tell you.” she wiped her face.

The twosome stared at each other for a long while Howie bit the inside of his cheek “Say something…” Millie broke the silence.

He looked at her directly in the eyes “This is all my fault…” he blurted “I shouldn’t have left you alone…if I would have been around, then…” he balled his fist and closed his eyes.

Millie nodded “There was nothing we could have done Howie, it was inevitable. Our baby would have never made it…”

“….oh God Millie. I’m so sorry” he crashed into her with a tight hug, his hands clasped the back of her head “I’m sorry…I‘ll never leave you alone again. I promise.” She looked up at him and he looked down at her, he closed his eyes as his head bent down to have his lips brush against hers. “I love you…I always have and always will.”

She smiled with a sniffle “I was hoping you would say that some time soon. I was afraid you would hate me…” she buried her face in his shoulder.

“I could never hate you, I shouldn’t have pushed you away and there are a lot of things I shouldn’t have done. And I’m sorry…for all the pain I’ve caused you. It wont happen again.”

“I love you so much Howie…” she reached up to have her mouth meet with his.

Millie entered the house and paused at the door “He’s not here, you don’t have to be afraid to come in.” she smiled as Howie entered the house behind her. “He doesn’t spend much time here anymore.”

Howie grinned “Right, I saw him at the restaurant with a brunette.” he looked around the familiar house, the last time he had been there, it had all been such a blur. He looked over the pictures, “Did you ever work out anything with your mom?” he shouted towards the kitchen as he stared at a family photo, the only one with the whole family.

“No…I haven’t talked to her ever since she got married and quite frankly I’m happy about it.” she said rounding the corner into the living room, almost bumping into Howie. “Here you go…it’s so cold” she said handing him a cup of coffee. “My dad left a message, he’s not coming home tonight. He’s working double shift.” she sipped on her coffee as she looked up at Howie.

He leaned against the kitchen door frame, sipping on his coffee, but his eyes glued on Millie. “You look tired.” he stated running his hand down her cheek.

She shrugged “I think I'm getting an earache and I feel sick to my stomach. Plus I’ve had lots of things to worry about…”

Howie smiled, feeling on her forehead for a temperature “Like?”

“Like, my father getting a new girlfriend, adjusting to being alone in the house most nights, Elijah being adopted and especially you never coming back…” she took his cup and placed them on the counter, while he stood in place watching her. She walked back to him and shivered, pulling her sweater tighter around herself.

Without warning he pulled her against him and he wrapped his arms around her as she let out a yawn. “You should really get some sleep Millie” he insisted “Come on, then I’ll head home.” he walked her down the hallway and into her room.

She entered, rummaged her drawers and grabbed some pajamas “Be right back” she said as he nodded, sitting on the bed. She entered the bathroom taking a deep breath, she couldn’t believe that she was so nervous. Quickly she changed into a pink tank top and a pair of shorts, then ran a brush through her hair.

Howie laid against the headboard, his head had started throbbing since the encounter earlier, only now it was full blast. His eyes began to close slowly, he couldn’t understand the sudden exhaustion that had taken over his body. He shifted, getting comfortable and felt himself slowly doze off.

Millie smiled as she entered the room to find Howie fast asleep, she bent down to remove his shoes and threw the blanket over him. She turned off the light and carefully crept onto the bed and under the covers. Just as she turned to face him, his eyes fluttered open “Hey…I should be going.” he mumbled groggily, staring at the ceiling.

She stared at him and shook her head “It’s ok…you can stay if you want. I don’t mind.”

He sighed sitting back up against the headboard, the pounding was still in effect, and he felt his eyes might pop out of their sockets. Slowly he rubbed his temples and groaned.

“Are you alright?” Millie sat up.

“Uh…not really I have a really bad headache from earlier and it wont go away” he continued to rub on his temples.

“Aw I know how to make it better” she giggled leaning towards him, he closed his eyes and felt her mouth against his. His hands instantly wrapped around her waist and she leaned her body against his.

He chuckled “This sounds familiar…” he voiced against her lips as he rolled onto her, laying in between her legs. They parted and he stared down at her, caressing her hair “I missed you so much, even though I…well…you know.” he shrugged his shoulders “I always thought about you.”

She smiled and blushed at the same time “You did?” she purposely asked as he nodded with a grin. He bent down to cover her mouth again, this time more aggressively and she wrapped her arms around his neck as his kisses trailed down her chin to her neck and then her shoulders. He busied himself slipping off her shorts and stopping as he noticed nothing under, he arched an eyebrow as he looked up at her. She shrugged with a smirk “I was hoping you would stay…it would have been too obvious to come out with nothing on.”

“You’re a freak…” he muttered, as they continued to undress each other. He kissed her deeper, his body pressing against hers, his hands roaming every inch of her body. A small moan escaped her as she felt him gently push himself into her, his movements gradually increased, sending each other into frenzy as their bodies came together once again.

A while later the twosome laid snuggled up fast asleep. Howie awoke to a buzzing phone on the nightstand, he was startled when he saw the time and the name that flashed on the screen. He sat up and answered groggily “Hello…”

“Hey man, I’m sorry for bothering you at this time. I tried your house phone…” Brian trailed off.

Howie pinched the bridge of his nose “Oh…I’m sorry I’m with Millie.”

Brian’s rambling stopped when Howie mentioned the name “With her as in with her…with her?” he asked and the line went silent as he waited for a response.

Howie turned to look at the sleeping woman next to him “Yup…”

“That’s great man. Then that means, that finding AJ now comes at a good time.”

“You found him? Damn about time. Where? With who?” Howie stood up waiting for his answer, he couldn’t wait to see AJ. To let him have one across the head.

“Actually he was staying in London but the time we went. He had gone to Oxford with a friend to finish up some songs. Funny part is that he thought about what he was doing, leaving us hanging and he was going to come back. Anyways he wants us to go out there for a couple of days before the tour restarts, so we can hear his work. I hope you don't mind.”

“He could just bring it here. Why do we…” Howie was agitated at the idea of leaving Millie behind, but he had to do it. Not just for the group, but because no matter what had happened. AJ was still a band mate and a brother to him. “Fine…when do we leave?” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Meet Nick at his house in about four hours…I’ll meet you guys in the London airport. Alright man, I’m glad to hear things are going good for you and I’ll see you later.”

Howie sighed “Yeah man…thanks” he hung up the phone and stared at Millie. He wasn’t happy about leaving her behind, he knew she wasn't feeling well. He snuck back into the bed and wrapped his arms around her.

She shifted and against him “Your awake?” she mumbled half asleep.

He leaned into her ear “Yeah…I have a bit of news.” he whispered.

Quickly she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes and turned to look at him “What? What happened?” she had a frightened look on her face “Don’t tell me that last night…” she began, but stopped as Howie began to laugh.

“Millie I’m not leaving you…for long. Brian found AJ in London and he wants us to go out there for a couple of days. I’ll be back before you can miss me.” he winked, she threw her arms around him squeezing him tight. “Can’t…breeeathe” he gasped.

“Sorry…” she smiled letting him go. “Your leaving me now.” she looked at the clock that read 3:00 in the morning. Howie nodded “I guess I have to let you go.” she whined as he kissed and caressed her cheek.

He stood in the doorway “I love you…”

She sat back up and gave him a wide smile “I love you too. Be careful.” she blew him a kiss and laid back down, unwilling to watch him leave.

It was night time when the guys arrived in London the next day, the flight was exhausting and all they wanted was to find a hotel and climb into bed and worry about AJ the next morning. Before retreating to bed, Howie made his highly anticipated phone call to Millie, he wasn’t sure she would pick up. The phone rang and rang, no one answered “Hey Millie it’s Howie, just wanted to let you know that its around nine thirty here and we are going to bed. I hope you are feeling better. I love you…see you soon.” he turned around and was encountered by Nick and Brian’s eyes, they both teased him as he made way to his bed. “Shut up” he huffed at both of his childish band mates.

“So you two are back together…that’s nice to hear. Now she will be all smiles at my wedding.” Nick smiled as Brian gasped and Howie’s eyes bugged out.

“Did you say wedding?” Howie chuckled as Nick nodded.

“Wow, I knew you were thinking about it, I just didn’t know you were going to do it so soon. I’m happy for you though. Sarah must be ecstatic?” Brian chimed.

“She is…so much she’s driving me nuts. I told her to take Millie with her tomorrow to start preparing. We decided to have it sometime in January.” Nick beamed with the news.

“Sounds great Nick. Congratulations man. Well I’m going to sleep cause you know me, I have to get my sleep on.” Howie said heading to the bathroom with his bag to change.

Millie made way to the NICU even though it had been one day that she had missed with the little man, she missed him so much. She stopped at the nursery window to peer at the four bundles in their beds. She smiled, thinking that maybe one day she would be able to give having a baby another chance. Although she was happy to practice with Elijah, she entered the room and before she could put on the scrubs she found Benny in the nursery. “Hey I missed you this…” Millie stopped when she saw Benny’s face, she could tell the older woman had been crying.

“Hey Millie…” she said holding a clipboard in her hands, the look on her face indicated that something was very wrong, quickly Millie made way into the room, swiftly pulling on some scrubs and skipping washing her hands. “Millie…don’t…” Benny shrieked from behind her.

Millie let out a gasp and fell onto a nearby chair as she saw the incubator. “NO…” she mumbled covering her face.

It was already around three in the afternoon when the guys entered the secluded building that didn’t look anything like a studio. “This place is freaking me out!” Nick mumbled “Maybe he’s so pissed that he’s going to murder us or something…”

Howie rolled his eyes at the younger band mate “That is just the dumbest thing you’ve come up with.”

Nick shrugged “I was just saying”

“Would you two shut up and walk…the faster we get to AJ and listen to his music, the faster we get out of here and back home. We have a tour to resume to when we get back home.” Brian sighed already tired just thinking of going back to the touring.

“Hey guys” the familiar voice echoed through the empty hallway, AJ stood at the end. The three guys looked at each other, in the soft light he did look murderous. “I’m glad you guys came. I was thinking you had changed your mind.” He smiled as he embraced Brian first “Hey Brian.”

Nick grabbed AJ and picked him up and spun him around “Dude I thought you were going to kill us in this spook place!” He informed as he put AJ back down on the floor.

AJ chuckled “Riiight!!! Like that is possible…” he punched Nick playfully.

AJ stood in front of Howie, Nick and Brian looked at each other “Uh which room is it man?” Brian was trying to give them some space, AJ pointed at the door at the end and the other two trudged down the hall.

“Hey…” AJ swallowed as he stood in front of Howie.

Howie nodded “Hey man! How you doing?” he asked and AJ smiled.

“I’m good. It’s beautiful out here, but being so far and alone, made me realize what a jackass I was being for quitting. Anyways, how are you doing? How about uh…” he cleared his throat, “Millie? Did you get to talk to her?” The question stung.

“Actually I did…it took a couple of days and some misunderstandings, but I got her back.” Howie beamed as he answered, “She’s in love with a preemie at her job and she volunteers to care for him every evening. I found out that…”

AJ cut him off “She told you…”

“Well not exactly her…but it came out. I was so disappointed in myself for not being there. Thanks for taking care of her, I owe you.” Howie sighed, he could see the pain in his best friends eyes. “Anyways, she cares about you a lot AJ. We all do, you’re an important person in all of our lives and maybe we have just been making some really stupid mistakes. Shit, we’ve known each other forever and your like a brother to me and…”

A smile crept on AJ’s face, although the news of Millie being back together with Howie hurt a little. He was happy for him, they deserved to be happy and he would be happy for them. They were important people in his life and he couldn’t live without either one of them. “I’m sorry, for coming between you two.”

“I was just as wrong AJ…” The twosome smiled as they suddenly embraced “Well let’s get to hearing your music.” they walked side by side towards the studio.

Millie was in tears as Benny tried comforting her “I tried to stop them Millie, but the damn woman has her rights. She must have had a change of heart. I’m so sorry.” Benny said placing a hand on Millie’s shoulder.

Millie covered her face “Benny…I can’t live without him, I’ll die. I’ll die I’m telling you. She wont take care of him, she doesn’t even have anywhere to live. We have to do something” she stood up frantically almost screaming.

Benny held on to her “Millicen you have to calm down. Your going to startle the other babies. Why don’t you just go get some fresh air…please. You look need some air.”

She whipped her head back and forth “No…I can’t. I’ll wait here till she brings him back…she’s bound to bring him back.” Millie couldn’t believe it, last night her whole life was complete once again, there was nothing that could make her unhappy. Once again a part of her was shattering.

There was a loud humming, that made her look around disoriented. She couldn’t make out what Benny was saying and her stomach lurched, making her bend down into the waste basket. After she came back up, she could feel a tight grip on her arm, she looked up to see Benny’s worried eyes “Are…you…alright?” she finally made out what Benny was saying.

“Yeah I’m fine…” she stood back up, bursting into tears again.

Benny hugged her “It’s going to be alright Millie. Hopefully she’s had a change of heart, she seemed to bond with the baby.” Millie didn’t listen and she walked out of the nursery in a daze, and headed home.

Once she got home she popped out her cell phone and dialed her father, but there was no answer. Then she dialed again and the phone rang once, twice, three times and just as she was going to hang up the soothing voice floated through the speaker “Hello…”

“Howie…Howie” she choked unable to say anything else.

His voice was full of concern “Millie are you alright? What’s wrong?” he questioned.

“I went to see…him…and…he’s…” she let out a cry “His mother came back for him. Elijah is gone. He’s gone…” she continued to repeat.

“Alright Millie, just calm down and take a deep breath. I’m going home in a couple of hours and I’ll be there I promise ok. Please stop freaking out, just calm down.” Howie tried to calm her down, but being so far away he had no idea if his words were working and what Millie would do. “Millie…”

“I’ll be waiting.” she said and hung up, in a daze she laid back down on her bed and stared at the wall, she closed her eyes trying to calm herself down. Soon Howie would be by her side and maybe his presence would make losing Elijah, much more tolerable.

Hours later Howie stared out the window, as he moved his leg nervously. “Hey…we are almost there. She was really attached to that baby huh?” AJ said switching seats with Nick.

Howie nodded “I think he…” his eyes weld up and he pursed his lips to keep from shedding tears. It hurt him that she was once again in pain over a loss. “He…helped her get through losing the baby. She wanted to adopt him…his name is Elijah and he’s go blonde hair and blue eyes.” he sniffled “She was there all the time, making sure that he would make it through the day.”

AJ placed a hand on his shoulder “It’s going to be ok man. She’ll have to understand that it was only temporary…we’ll help her through it.” They gave each other comforting smiles.

First thing the next morning Howie drove down to Millie’s house. He knocked on the door nervously, Mr. Nunez’s car was in the driveway. The door swung open and Millie jumped into his arms “Oh Howie!”

“Hey…” his stomach fluttered when he saw her father in his red uniform leaning against the kitchen door frame. “Um…morning Mr. Nunez.” he took her hand as she pulled him into the house.

“Mornin…Howie. I hope you’re here with good intentions.” Millie’s dad raised a brow.

“DAD!!”

Howie squeezed her hand “It’s ok, I know I’ve been a real Jackass. I just want you to know that I never intended on hurting Millie in the first place.” he turned to look at her “I’m here with very good intentions. I promise!”

He furrowed his eyebrows “Better be…gotta go.” he kissed Millie on the forehead and headed out to his car.

“I’m so sorry about my dad.” she blushed.

Taking her hands in his, he smiled widely “It’s ok, I deserved that, he’s just being a dad. So…what had you so upset last night?” he pulled her onto his lap.

Her eyes quickly welled up, “It’s Elijah, his stupid mother came back for him. That’s just not fair Howie, she left him in the first place, she shouldn't be able to get him back.” a couple of tears ran down her cheeks.

He wiped them off with the side of his hand “Millie…” he let out a sigh, he knew that what he was going to tell her, would only make her more angry. “Don’t you think the woman deserved a second chance? Maybe she was scared…being alone at a time like that can make people do really dumb things. Weren’t you scared?”

She nodded, the memory, punched her in the stomach “That’s not the same, I was scared, but I would have never. Wait HOWIE, are you on my side or hers?” she stood up and hugged herself. “I can’t believe your giving this woman the benefit of a doubt. I mean…she left him to die…she didn’t even want to hold him…” she huffed and stormed to her room.

Howie stormed after her “Millie your being childish and I’m not taking sides, I know how you feel. I was with him too, for the last couple of weeks. But he has a mother…”

She swung around “But I wanted to be his…mother…I think I‘m going to be sick.” she covered her mouth and ran towards the bathroom.

He let out a frustrated sigh and took a seat on her bed. A couple of minutes later a pale looking Mille entered the room, he could tell she had been crying. It broke his heart to see her in so much pain, but there really wasn’t much he could to do to make it better.

“I’m sorry…I haven’t been feeling so well…” she let out a sigh as she took a seat next to him “I asked for a couple of days off…”

He hugged her shoulder "That's good, maybe you just need a break. Some time to rest, you look really tired Millie."

She tried to let out a giggle "Howie, I always look sick..." she shrugged "Psh...actually, I'm always sick. Enough about me. How did it go with AJ? Did you guys talk?" she waited anxiously, fiddling with her fingers.

Howie smiled "Yeah, I mean it's not the same, but I guess we will work on it. He's gonna work on the album, while we are on tour."

When he said the word, she realized that the tour was resuming soon. She was really happy that the twosome had made up, and would hopefully soon, be back to being best friends. Although, the thought of Howie leaving on tour, only made her sadder. "Yeah, I had forgotten about that."

There was a loud and persistent knock on the door, Howie and Millie looked at each other with concern as they walked out of the room, down the hall and towards the door. Howie cautiously opened and smiled at the gleaming person standing in front of him.

"Oh my god, Howard Dorough, and Millie Nunez...you guys wont believe what WE are doing tomorrow night. Yes, I said tomorrow afternoon." she took in a deep breath after talking a mile a minute and then let out a squeal of excitement.

Millie looked at Howie a little surprised "No, I have no idea...Sarah!" she said, pulling the hyperactive woman into the house "Come in"

"We are going to Vegas...so that Nick and I can get married!!"

"What?" Howie's mouth fell open.

Millie threw her arms around Sarah, and they both began to squee with excitement "That is great news, I thought you guys weren't getting married till next year?"

"Oh, I know, but we are just anxious...we are still having the big wedding, we just want to be married already." she smiled widely.

Howie scratched his head, it sounded irrational to him, but then again, it was Nick doing such a thing. "Do all the guys know?"

Sarah let out a giggle "Of course, we are all leaving tomorrow morning and I'm hoping you guys can come with us, cause even Brian and Leighanne are going. Please guys, I came to personally invite you. Millie? Howie?"

"Your in luck, I have a couple of days off. Howie?" Millie looked up at a still puzzled Howie. He shook his head without a word, as Sarah hugged Millie once again and then him.

"Great! Here you go..." she rummaged her purse and pulled out two airline tickets, and handed them to Millie. "I was hoping you guys would say yes. I'll see you at the airport tomorrow." she squealed once again and headed out.

The next morning, Millie washed her face, she was feeling dizzy and the buzzing in her ears only seemed to get stronger. She had already let out everything in her stomach, but it felt like there was still much more it wanted to get rid of. Never did she imagine that the airplane ride would get her so sick.

"Are you alright?" Sarah asked, rubbing her hand over Millie's back.

Millie gave her a weak smile and splashed some water on her face "Yeah I'm fine, lately I just...feel icky." she said, pulling some paper towels and drying her hands and face off. Sarah glared at her, "I'm fine Sarah, don't look at me that way."

"Well I worry, you've been sick forever...have you thought that maybe it's just your nerves...stress...or depression that has you feeling this way?"

"I am not any of those...ok maybe stressed lately, but I'm fine. The doctor says that I'm fine. It's that damn vertigo that I catch here and there. Don't worry about me...this is your day! Come on!" She patted Sarah on the shoulder and they walked out to meet the rest of the group.

AJ couldn't help to notice the paleness in Millie's face, he was dying to ask if she was ok. He started towards her, but came to a halt, as he watched Howie embrace her and place a soft kiss on her lips. With a sigh, he picked up his bag and followed the rest towards the limos.

The ride to the Paris hotel was quick, and they all shuffled out of the limos and straight to the check in desk.

"Are you alright?" Howie asked, peeling off his shirt and rummaging his bag for a clean one.

Millie smiled, staring down the man in front of her "I am now!" she giggled, coming close to him and running her hand over his bare chest. "Maybe we can be a little late to the celebration...?" she grinned.

"Hum..." he turned to face her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. He stared into her eyes for a second and then leaned down to let his mouth connect with hers. They parted and he smiled "I think being late is a really good idea!" he kissed her once again.

AJ paced the chapel, he thought he could control his jealousy, but just the thought that Millie was with Howie in the same room, had been killing him. Now they were running late. He had already inhaled three cigarettes in past twenty minutes and he was about to make it four.

"Yo, you look a little troubled! Everything ok?" Brian placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a warm smile.

AJ nodded, "No, I'm trying really hard not to...I can't take this. I thought I could do it, I mean they are both my best friends." he sighed "I shouldn't feel this way, I blew it with her and well I should be happy. Right?"

Brian let out a deep sigh, and gave AJ a nod "Yeah, you should be happy for them. They have been through a lot to be together and finally they are. I know that your hurting AJ, and well I don't mean to add to your pain...but your the one that pretty much brought them together."

"I know that." he swallowed hard, his eyes narrowed as he saw Millie and Howie holding hands, all smiles as they walked into the chapel. "She looks happy..." he mumbled.

Brian patted his back again "She IS happy AJ." he walked away to greet and scold the twosome for being late.

After the ceremony, they had all gone to Eiffel Tower Restaurant at the Paris hotel. Everyone was having a great time, dinner had been great and now they were just having drinks and commenting on the tour starting again.

"Howie..." Millie squeezed his hand.

"Yes?" he answered, looking at her concerned as he felt her clammy hands over his arm. "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to go now. Why don't you stay." she stood up, feeling everyone's eyes on her. "Uh...I'm going to head out early you guys. I'm not feeling so well, but please keep the celebration going. I'll see you guys tomorrow." without waiting for responses or questions, she fast paced out of the restaurant.

Everyone looked at Howie, who was still debating on following her or just staying put. "She'll be fine." he wasn't too sure about his comment, but he knew it would only make her mad, if he smothered her.

AJ looked over at Howie, almost pleading for an approval to go check on his friend. Howie gave him a smile, that he knew was the answer he had been hoping for. "Uh...I'll be back in a bit." he stood up and walked out of the restaurant. He was pep talking himself, as the elevator descended and the tour guide blabbed on. He would be a concerned friend. They were happy and he was going to be happy for them, he wasn't going to bring up anything that would make her feel uncomfortable...except maybe an apology.

Millie slid her card through the door slot, then stopped right at the doorway as she heard someone call out her name. She looked into the hallway and noticed AJ, advancing towards her.

"Hey! I thought I would come and talk to you for a bit." He caught his breath and gave her a smile, hoping she would return the gesture.

She smiled and held the door open for him to walk in "Sure...so I heard your working on your new album, when you guys go back on tour" she pulled off her sweater and took a seat on a blue plush chair.

He took a seat in the one opposite of her, he rubbed his hands together, his nerves were killing him. "Yeah, I thought about what I was doing to the group. Look I was such a jerk that day...I know..."

"AJ..." she nodded "We don't even have to talk about what's happened in the past. I mean, I still consider you a very big part of my life and your still my best friend. Right?"

He nodded, not really wanting to end the conversation, but he would leave it at that. Having her as a friend, was way better, than not having her in his life at all. "Right...definitely. Just let me at least apologize for all the madness I put you through. I'm really sorry Millie. I was a complete jerk off and I promise to never come between you and Howie again."

"Aw AJ, everything is forgotten. We will start with a clean slate." she stood up and walked over to him, he stood up looking into her eyes. "You'll always have a place in my heart AJ" she hugged him tight.

Without making it obvious he nuzzled his face into her hair, taking in the familiar scent for the last time. "Thanks Millie..." he smiled as they parted. "So...on a good note, Nick and Sarah are married." he commented, trying to lighten the mood, and stray from the same old topic.

"Oh I know right? Isn't that just weird, who would have thought those two would fall in love." they both laughed.

The tension between them, slowly diminished as they continued their conversation, that even led to some laughter and joking.

A couple of days had gone by, since Elijah’s mother had decided she wanted him back, and the Vegas wedding. Millie wasn't really over it, she still had a little resentment against the baby's mother, but she supposed that everyone deserved a second chance. It was barely noon, as she busied herself with the dishes, she lathered up the plates with the soapy sponge and then ran them under warm water. She had a smile on her face, Howie would be showing up any moment, to take her on a special date.

“Alright hun, its that time already.” her dad stood in the kitchen door, with his red uniform on. He too had a smile on his face, it made him happy to see his daughter smiling again. He came close and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you later tonight” he walked through the living room and opened the door, and was startled by the girl standing on the porch.

The young girls hand flew to her chest as she let out a yelp “Oh my…you scared me.” she smiled nervously. She couldn’t have been older than eighteen, she had long brown hair and big brown eyes, that looked up at the fireman in front of her. “Um…actually I’m here to see Millie.”

“Uh…huh…may I ask for what?” his voice was stern.

She giggled “My name is Lucy, and well she helped me out…well not me…exactly. I just want to talk to her, that’s all.”

He nodded, “Ok, just wait here.” he walked back into the house, leaving the door slightly opened.

Lucy took a seat on the porch, as she watched the car pull into the driveway. Her jaw instantly dropped as she saw the man, stepping out of the car and removing his sunglasses. “Howie…Howie Dorough from the Backstreet Boys?” she shielded her eyes from the glaring sun, as she grinned widely.

Howie looked around, his lips curling into a smile “Uh…yeah that’s me. And you are?” he asked, standing in front of her. He was a little surprised to see a teenager on Millie’s porch, but he was imaging, that she was selling something for her school.

“I’m Lucy!” she stood and suddenly embraced him tight. His arms flew up and he was seriously startled. He felt dumb, he should have been used to hugs out of the blue, but he was never the center of attention, around the other guys.

“Howie?” Millie’s voice startled him, and Lucy instantly let him go.

Crimson covered the girls cheeks as she looked up at a serious Millie. “Uh…you must be Millie.” she giggled, looking over at Howie. “I’m sorry, I’ve never…ever met a star before. I got a little carried away.”

“It’s alright kid, no harm done.” Howie squeezed her shoulder. “Millie, Lucy here…has come to see you.”

Instantly Lucy’s cheeks turned red again “Oh…right…um…well I just came to thank you, really. I know that you might be mad at me and all--” she was talking a mile a minute, fiddling with her fingers and looking at the ground.

Millie looked at Howie, and then back at the girl “I’m sorry I have no idea what your talking about”

Lucy let out a sigh “You saved him, I know that I didn’t want anything to do with him, but you saved him. Hold on…” she ran over to the green sedan.

All that Millie and Howie, who was now standing next to her could see, was the girl rummaging the backseat. When she turned back around, Millie’s mouth fell open in shock. “Elijah?” she whispered.

The young girl walked up to the twosome all smiles, “He really likes car rides, but I don’t have a car. That’s my mother…um…I know they told you that I was a bum, and I guess I could have been considered that at the time…” she held out the, now chubby baby over to Millie.

He was still so fragile in her arms, her eyes welled up instantly as she looked into the familiar blue eyes. She had missed looking, holding, and feeding him. “Wow, he’s grown so much…” she looked over at the young girl again, feeling a bit of guilt. The whole time, Benny had never explained that the woman, who she spoke about was really, just a girl.

“Yeah, he eats a lot…um…I barely learned how to get him to latch on…” she left the rest of the sentence to their imaginations. She had embarrassed herself enough, for the while. “I just wanted him to come and see you and I wanted to…” Millie’s dad stepped out, saying his good byes and hopped into his truck. “He sure does look scary.” the girl giggled again.

Millie giggled “Na, he’s harmless. I’m so rude, would you like to come in?” she motioned towards the house “Your mother is welcome to come too.”

The girl looked towards the car, “Um…I wouldn’t mind, but she has to go. You…wouldn’t mind giving me a ride home would ya?” Millie nodded with a wide grin, as she watched the girl run back towards the car.

They all spent the rest of the afternoon together, they ordered pizza and talked for hours. Millie couldn’t believe that the girl had just turned eighteen. She had explained that her mother had kicked her out, for getting pregnant and the guy that had been with her in the delivery room was just a friend. The crazy friend, that had given her the idea of leaving the baby in the hospital. There was no way that Millie could be angry at the young girl, for her mistakes.

Lucy’s home was about an hour away, the ride had been pretty quiet, with exception of Lucy singing to a random song. “Oh…um…” she paused for a minute, as Millie looked over the seat at her. “I know I barely know you guys, but Elijah definitely knows you two. I mean he cried for about three days straight with me, it was stressing and very sad.” she let out a sigh, with the memory. “Anyways, I was wondering…well…if you guys would like to be his godparents? I have the baptism scheduled for November 29th, I hope that date works for you guys.”

Millie and Howie looked at each other a little startled, but happy. “We’d love to Lucy and actually we‘ll be back from the tour by then.” Howie responded, taking Millie’s hand in his and giving it a squeeze.

There was no way that Millie could be sad, if Elijah was her godson, she could see him at anytime and he would still be like hers. “Definitely, Lucy…I’d be honored to be his godmother.” the twosome helped Lucy with Elijah, his bag, and car seat to her house. It was hard for Millie to let go of Elijah, but she was also happy that he was with his mother, who seemed to love him, just as much as she did.

The drive back to the house was rather quiet, the sun had gone down and the sky was darkening slowly. Howie took Millie‘s hand in his as they walked up the porch and she unlocked the door. He pulled her close and gracefully pressed his lips against hers.

She smiled, cupping his cheek with her hand “What was that for?”

“Just because…I love you. I know that must have been hard for you…”

“Yeah, it kinda was…but she seemed to have the whole mommy thing under control and she’s just a kid. So…” her gaze fell slowly to the ground.

He placed a finger under her chin and lifted up her head, their eyes locking. “So…your going to be his godmother and a damn good one too.” he caressed the side of her face “Anyways…” he let out a nervous chuckle “No one said that…well…we can’t have one of our own. I mean, I’m not getting any younger.” he stared into her eyes. The idea of a baby with Millie had been brewing in his head for days, she really wanted one and just seeing what joy the tiny baby gave her, only made him want one too.

“…really? I never…thought you would want to try again.” she hugged his neck tight, pulling him into the house.

“What’s the hurry?” he stumbled into the house, behind her.

She giggled, pulling him down the hallway “We’ve got about…eh, I’d say four hours, before my dad’s shift ends. We can always try tonight.”

Howie smiled, picking her up off the floor and carrying her into her room. He sat her on the bed and kissed her passionately. They parted “I love that idea.” he pulled off his shirt and bent down to kiss her once again.

The bus came to a halt right in front of the famous Palms Casino in Las Vegas, he couldn’t believe that it was exactly a month since he had been in Vegas. He trudged off the bus, he was exhausted to say the least. They didn’t even know if the show would go on that evening. Idaho had been canceled due to scheduling conflicts and Arizona’s, because Nick had a nasty cold.

“Man…I hate being stuffy!” Nick spoke, stuffing tissues up his nose. “I wish Sarah was here to make me feel better” he chuckled.

Howie wrinkled his nose, with disgust “Carter…keep those details to yourself. Don’t even think about telling me about your newly wed…experiments.”

Nick shrugged “What? I’m just saying…you’re the one that is implying that sex with Sarah would make me feel better. How would you know Howard? Huh? Huh?” the blonde poked at Howie’s ribs.

The annoying man, had already grown on him. So instead of feeling like smacking him upside the head, for being such a moron. He had learned the method of ignoring him and his childishness. “Come on…let’s see if we can get some sleep.”

“If we can? It doesn’t matter if you can or not…you still fall asleep.” AJ’s hoarse voice chimed from behind them. Howie glared at him “What? It‘s true, on a chair…floor…counter…any place you can bend that neck of yours.”

The three weeks spent altogether as a group again, had brought Howie and AJ back to their normal selves. “Oh shut up!” Howie gave him a shoulder shove as they entered the hotel.

Millie hovered over the toilet, it was disgusting and agitating how many times she had emptied her stomach in the past four hours. She wiped her mouth with a wet paper towel and washed her face. There was no way she could look this horrible, Howie would be back home tomorrow night.

They had discussed so many things over the phone in the past three weeks, and had come to the conclusion that she would be moving in with him, right after the baptism. She wasn’t the only one moving, her dad had also decided that he would have Rachelle, his girlfriend move in with him. Millie was happy for him, she hadn’t thought that her father would ever be happy again. He had proved her wrong.

“What is taking you so damn long woman?” Sarah asked, looking at Millie intently. She knew there was something wrong with her. “Your not pregnant are you?”

Her stomach flipped at the word mentioned “I don’t think so…I just got my period last week. It’s probably just a stomach flu or maybe I ate something bad.” not only was her stomach cramping badly, but the room seemed to spin a little. Holding onto the sink, she forced a smile “Well come on let’s go finish shopping. We can’t look horrible for the Thanksgiving dinner.” She shoved a glaring Sarah out of the bathroom.

Lucy came barreling into them, “Hold him…” she passed on Elijah to Sarah, who held him awkwardly “I’ve gotta go…” she whinced as she made a dash for the restroom.

“Ugh! It’s unbelievable how a child, can have a child. He is adorable though.” Sarah held him with both hands, far away from her.

“He doesn’t bite Sarah. Well, not yet!” Millie giggled taking the baby and cradling him in her arms. “Man, I do wish I was pregnant.” she mumbled, loud enough for Sarah to hear.

Her jaw fell open “You and Howie are trying to get pregnant…you sinners.”

Millie let out a laugh “Excuse me, you just got married…you were doing Nick way before that…” Sarah agreed with a shrug of her shoulders, just as Lucy joined them. The threesome resumed their shopping.

The place was crawling with fans, they still couldn’t believe, the turn out for the tour. It hadn’t been the same without Kevin, but it hadn’t been as bad as they imagined it would be. The foursome high-fived each other as they piled into the wardrobe room.

“Man I can’t believe that tomorrow is the last show for the US leg of the tour…” Brian breathed in deeply, taking a seat, next to Baylee.

AJ wiped the sweat off his forehead “I know…it kinda went by quick.”

“Yeah, well I’m gonna miss it and all, but I’m ready for that long break. I can use some good sleep in my bed.” he looked around at the rest of the guys.

Nick stared blankly at the ceiling “You know, I’m just glad that Kevin agreed to surprise the fans in Hollywood…I bet no one even imagines it will happen.” he snickered, imagining the fans reactions.

“Well they might be hoping and wishing…but he hasn’t appeared on anything for a while, so it will be a nice surprise.” Brian added.

“Just like old times…” the room went silent, as all their minds reeled back to the good old days when Kevin was still part of the group.

AJ couldn’t wait to see his new girlfriend Rachel, their relationship had been more over the phone, than anything else. Even, though he hadn’t totally forgotten about Millie, Rachel did a hell of a job with keeping her out of his mind. They had so much in common, from their taste in food to the amount of tattoos on their bodies. He had to admit to himself, that he also couldn’t wait to see his other best friend, and catch up on what was going on with her.

The ceiling seemed to swirl slowly above her head, she couldn’t believe that the dizzyness hadn’t subsided, if not almost knocked her off her feet. “Hey there…I thought I might check your temperature.” Her dad, placed his hand over her forehead. “Your burning up Mill…” he sighed, sticking the thermometer in her mouth, like she was a child.

She tried to talk, but he gave her a stern look to keep the thing in her mouth. Rolling her eyes she gave his hand a ‘thank you’ squeeze. He smiled, caressing her head, a light beep let him know that, he could remove the temperature reader.

His eyes went wide as he stared at the stick “It’s really high…you should get in the shower, hun.”

Millie giggled “Dad I’ll be fine, I think I just need some sleep.” just then the phone rang. Without letting it ring again, she picked up the receiver “Hello”

“Hey there…” Howie grinned, just with the sound of her voice, he felt butterflies in his stomach. “How’s my girl?” he asked, already noting that her voice was low and a little raspy. “Everything ok?” he asked.

“Yes, everything is just fine. I have a cold, that’s all. Ugh! So I already asked for my days off…for Thanksgiving, the baptism AND moving out.”

“That’s great Mill, I’m so glad that your excited. So listen I just wanted to let you know that will be arriving in Los Angeles, really early. So I’ll just stop by your house, ok?” He knew it was more than ok with her, but he still had her dad to deal with.

“Of course…I’ll leave the spare under the rug, just in case I’m still asleep. Not that I plan on it, but with this…cold you never know.” she forced a giggle.

Howie knew that she wasn’t ok, and it worried him, she was sick in spurts “Alright I’ve got to go, everyone is waiting for me downstairs for late dinner. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.” he let out a sigh.

“I love you too Howie. See you tomorrow.” she waited till she heard the phone click. Her father was glaring at her “What? It could be a cold dad…it could be anything at this point. You know I’ve gone to the doctor…first it was vertigo…then I was pregnant…I’m not sure what it could be this time.” she shrugged. “I’m just tired dad…I’m gonna get some sleep” she turned her back to him, feeling his large hands rub her back tenderly.

“Alright kiddo…” he placed a kiss on the side of her face and exited the room.

The place was still spinning, her stomach churning and now her temples were starting to pound. Fear had settled in the pit of her stomach, as much as she wanted this to be another pregnancy, she had the hunch that it wasn’t. She would fight it, just like she did every time it came, she wouldn‘t let it defeat her. Not now that she was happy. Closing her eyes, she thought about seeing Howie tomorrow, it was something good to look forward too.

Howie walked absentmindedly down to the awaiting group, no one noticed the pensive look on his face, except for AJ. He stayed behind, nudging him with his elbow, he cocked his head to the side "Everything alright D?" he asked.

"Yeah...I guess...it's Millie. She sounded sick again. AGAIN!" he turned to look at AJ with concern in his eyes. "Was she ever this sick...I mean when you..."

AJ quickly nodded "No, she was fine. Although she did get that vertigo a couple of times. It came and went...but, not often.

"I guess I shouldn't worry..." Howie let out a sigh "Come on...lets get the rest of this night over with so we can get home already." AJ nodded in agreement as he squeezed Howie's shoulder and they walked into the crowded restaurant.

The room was cold and she was a bit disoriented when she woke up. “Howie…” she mumbled, looking around the unfamiliar room. Her eyes rested on her father who was slouched on the uncomfortable chair, in what looked like a deep sleep.

She carefully sat upright and scanned the place and realized that she was in a hospital room. Panic ran through her body. There were many reasons she could be sitting there on a hospital bed.

“Hey kid,” her father stood next to her.

Millie looked at him startled. “What happened dad? Tell me there isn’t anything major happening?”

“They are running some tests…well what they can in your condition.”

“In my condition?” she questioned in a whisper. “What is it? I’m dying aren’t I? Dad…”

Her father placed his hands firmly on her shoulders, giving her a wide smile. “Please calm down. I don’t want them to have to give you another sedative. Just sit back and relax. The doctor will be right back to let you know what’s going on. OK?”

Giving into her father’s request. She let out a heavy sigh and slowly laid back onto the pillows. A knot of nerves grew in her stomach, as she thought of all the possible results and conditions she could have. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm herself down.

The thought of Howie appearing through that door any minute, gave her comfort.

Howie walked down the hall, just like any other person…he hated hospitals. Especially, when someone he cared about was in one of it’s rooms, probably connected to all those beeping machines. The hall felt never ending, as he made way towards Millie’s room. Her father had left a message on his cell phone and he’d come straight from the airport.

He stopped, let out a breath and walked into room 310. There she laid, in that awful gown that screamed ‘ill person’. She was on her side, hands nestled under her cheek, fast asleep.

“Hey” her father voiced from the chair in the corner. He stood up and shook Howie’s hand. “Don’t mind if I take a quick break do you?”

Still in a daze Howie nodded, “No not at all. Uh…is she ok?”

Mr. Nunez, placed a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, they are running some test on her and the doctor should be back soon with the results. She’s been impatiently waiting for you.” he gave Howie’s shoulder a squeeze and disappeared down the hall.

“Howie!” Millie piped, groggily. “You are finally here.” she grinned from ear to ear, sitting up in her bed.

Howie rushed to her side and took a seat on the corner of the bed. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and gave her a tight squeeze. “You gotta stop scaring me Millie.” He stated, feeling tears burn his eyes.

She looked up at him and smiled. “I was feeling fine. Ok, maybe I was catching a cold…I have no idea how or why I ended up in the hospital, though. I mean, my dad knows well that I hate them.” she huffed, as if her father had made a big error by bringing her in.

His lips brushed over her forehead and then her lips. “I’m so happy to see you.”

“Me too. I’m glad you get a long needed break, before you go off again. Maybe this time I can go with you. Meanwhile I want to hear all about the tour.”

He pulled a chair next to the bed and took a seat and began giving Millie a rundown of all the things that had happened on his trip. She was mostly pleased with the news of him and AJ making up and being on good terms.

An hour later, Mr. Nunez walked in. In clean clothes and a fresh look on his face. Howie was still in the chair, fast asleep, his arms folded on the bed, used as a pillow for his head. Millie was curled up, right next to him, watching him sleep.

“Hi dad.” she smiled, raking her fingers through his hair.

He couldn’t help to smile at his daughter’s lit up face. She no longer looked as ill, as she had a couple of hours earlier. “Has the doctor come by?”

Just as she opened her mouth to answer, the doctor waltzed into the room. Clipboard in hand, serious look on his face. “Hey Millie…” he saw the waking man next to her and grinned. “Let me guess this is he famous Howie.”

Howie looked up a the doctor, with the mention of his name and quickly extended his hand. “Nice to meet you doctor.”

The doctor nodded and walked to the foot of the bed. “Well Millie…there are a couple of things that we need to talk about. I don’t want to beat around the bush…so I’m going to give you the good news first.”

The threesome looked at each other with half smiles. Knowing that there was something good in all this, was somewhat comforting. But the smiles didn’t last long, since they were more than sure, that bad news ensued.

Letting out a breath the doctor flipped through the chart. “Millie we were only able to do some test on you. Mainly anything we could do with your urine and blood samples. Due to your condition…we can’t do X-rays…”

“You keep saying condition and it makes me nervous…I have cancer don’t I. Oh god!” Her hands flew over her open mouth. “I’m going to die. Just TELL ME!” she shouted.

“Well from what I could see…you aren‘t dying and your not exactly sick. Our test all came back negative of anything malignant. No type of cancer, infections, diabetes…anything of that sort.” he let out another sigh. “I also wanted to inform you that you are approximately 10 weeks pregnant.”

“wh…what?” Howie’s eyes went wide in surprise.

Millie was in shock, it took her a couple of minutes to understand what the doctor had just said. “Me? I’m pregnant?” Her hands stroked her belly, as she looked over at a speechless Howie. “Howie?”

“Huh?” He snapped out of his daze, and smiled at her. Pulling her in for a hug, “I’m sorry…that was just…wow!” The doctor no longer had a smile on his face, and the twosome stopped their celebrating. “Shit! This is where you tell us the bad news.” Howie muttered.

Millie looked at him surprised, Howie never really cursed. “What is it? Is the baby ok?”

“We will do an ultrasound a little later in the day. To make sure. So far everything seems fine. However, there could be many complications if you decide to have this baby. There is something affecting your body. We noticed that when you get upset or fairly nervous, your body shuts down. My team and I are trying our best to find out what it is, that causes that reaction. We will need to monitor you for a couple of weeks.”

Howie felt his happiness drain out of him and onto the floor. Most people were happy when they were informed they were going to be parents, and here he was getting restrictions to his happiness. “Will they be ok, though?”

The doctor shrugged, “That’s what we are afraid of…some of us have opted that Millie would be better off…um…well…”

She shook her head vigorously and placed her hands protectively over her stomach. “No…I wont do that. I’ll just face whatever it is…”

“Millie it’s very dangerous. You could have a miscarriage. The changes in your body could trigger your body to shut down and that could be very traumatic for you and your baby. Plus, you might not be able to handle the delivery.”

Howie stood up and paced the room. Mr. Nunez was at his daughter‘s side, caressing her hair and trying to calm her down. He spoke, almost in a whisper. “Isn’t there just a small possibility…I mean, that everything could be ok for my daughter?”

“Come on Nunez…you know better. There are always possibilities. Listen Millie and Howie, I’m not telling you we are going to force you to do anything. I’m just informing you of the pros and cons of going on with this pregnancy.” he made way towards the door. “I’m really sorry…and I hope that you make the right decision.”

Millie didn’t sob or say a word. She just sat up, her hands circling her stomach. A part of her, was ready to face anything and everything that came with having this baby. The other, was just plain terrified.

“I’m having this baby…no matter what happens. I’m not getting rid of it.” She looked for comfort in Howie, but he was busy staring out the window.

This wasn’t happening to him. How much bad luck could someone have? He really wanted Millie to keep his…their baby. The question was…if he was willing to jeopardize the life of the woman he loved. He didn’t think there was much of an argument, from what he could hear. Millie had already made up her mind. So he only had one choice.

“WE…are having this baby.” Howie confirmed still staring out the window, at nothing. Reluctant to look at Millie. Deep in his heart, he preferred to have Mille and no baby. Maybe it was selfish, but he couldn't bare the thought of losing her.

Howie hadn’t been standing against the wall in the hallway for too long, but it felt like an eternity. The anxiety was getting to him, especially, since they hadn’t given him a lick of information ever since they’d kicked him out. He’d looked back to see all kinds of nurses crowding Millie; her eyes closed the whole time.

What the hell was happening? Were they ok?

He was thankful that all his friends were in the waiting room with him, even if he was too spaced out to greet them.

“Hey D!” Brian patted his shoulder and stood by him in silence.

Howie let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand over his pale face. “They haven’t even came out to say anything. I’m dying here!”

Brian really didn’t know what to tell his friend to make him feel better. “Everything is in God’s hands D. It will all be ok. You gotta have faith.”

“How do you carry so much faith. I’ve lost it.” His eyes were full of sorrow as he looked up at Brian. “I left all my faith in God when they pushed me out that door. Why couldn’t she just have a normal pregnancy…a normal delivery? Why can’t they find out what’s wrong with her?”

A timid voice interrupted them, “Maybe you should take a seat.” AJ was looking everywhere, but into Howie’s eyes. He felt so guilty for what was happening to Millie.

“This is all your fault. You actually have the nerve to talk to me. Millie is going to die because of YOU!”

AJ sighed heavily, “I know and I’m sorry. I…she insisted that we go. If you would have seen the look on her face, you would have given in too D. You know that I love you guys and I would never…”

Howie pressed his hands against AJ’s chest and shoved him out of the way. “I want you to leave! GO! Get out of here…because if she dies Alex…I’ll hate you forever.”

AJ stumbled back and bowed his head in defeat. He knew his friend was already too upset to understand. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled and headed out the sliding doors.

“Don’t you think you were a little---” Brian started.

Howie stuck his hand up and nodded. “Don’t even justify him Brian.”

“I’m not justifying him, but any of us could have given in to Millie’s pleads to get out of bed. Any of us.”

Howie’s eyes fell upon the doctor that was making his way towards them. His hands started shaking and his heart was drumming in his chest. The doctor hadn’t fully approached the twosome before Howie spoke.

“Are they ok?” It was almost a whisper.

“Your baby girl is healthy. 6 pounds 9 ounces. Her name is Mila…Millie picked it.“ The doctor slowly removed his scrub cap. Howie’s breathing elevated and his heart was drilling through his ribs; or so it felt like it. Everyone stood from their chairs, but stayed in place.

AJ walked back into the room and kept his distance. He knew the news wasn’t good when Howie fell to his knees and covered his face. Pain struck him right in the chest and he realized that he’d lost his best friend. She was gone. Millie was gone.

Howie could feel his whole body shaking as he cried. How could this happen to him? Why had she left him? For an instant he’d wished it was the baby. They could have had another baby once she was better.

“Millie…” He cried.

“I’m really sorry Mr. Dorough. I promise that we tried to stop her from seizing, but it just didn’t work. We were barely able to save Mila. She’s beautiful and said that you would take good care of her.”

Howie sniffled and with Brian’s help got back on his feet. “She spoke to you?”

“Yeah, very quickly. She got to see her daughter and asked us to tell you everything would be fine. We thought everything was under control, but when we went to drain out the placenta…it caused a seizure.”

The tears stopped and Howie caught a glimpse of AJ. “You killed her!” he shouted charging and him and knocking him to the floor. AJ didn’t fight back he just laid there, while Howie took out his anger. “This is all your fault…she’s gone.”

“It’s ok…you can take it on me.”

Kevin took hold of Howie and dragged him off AJ. He was huffing and puffing with anger and bawling like a child. “I gotta home.” he muttered and started for the door.

AJ ran after him. “Aren’t you going to see her…” Howie shoved him out of the way, but AJ tagged along. “What about the baby? She needs you Howie. You can’t leave her here alone.”

Howie came to a swift halt and glared up at AJ, “You so concerned about that baby…then you go care for her. I don’t want her. She took Millie from me.” once again she pushed past AJ and continued to walk.

Brian and Kevin joined AJ outside. “We just need to give him some space. He’s grieving.” Brian said with a sigh.

“I’m going to see the baby and Millie. Someone try to convince him about coming back…please.” AJ stormed back into the hospital. The nurse led him down the hall and through some doors. She stopped and gave him a moment to breath before entering the room where Millie was. He nodded that he was ready to go in.

The room was cold and empty. Nothing but the body on the table covered by a sheet. The tears started instantly as he slowly walked towards her. “Millie…I’m so sorry…Millie.” With a deep breath he placed his hand on the end of the sheet and slowly lifted it up, exposing her pale face.

“They just left her here…” The voice startled AJ, but he couldn’t help smiling as he watched Howie walk towards him. “She’s so pale…my Millie…” He broke into a sob and scooped up Millie’s body towards him. It pained AJ to see Howie in so much distress, he would have given his own life to bring her back.

The nurse entered the room and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. We have to clear the room.” Her cheeks were red with embarrassment.

“Come on D. We have to go.” He placed his hands on Howie’s shoulder, but he didn’t budge. He kept crying and rocking Millie. “Um…we need to see Mila.”

“I don’t want to leave her alone. She’s cold. Where are you taking her?”

The nurse was probably not permitted to answer that question, because she responded with an apology and started rolling things out of the room. Howie finally resigned and carefully put Millie back on the table and turned to look at AJ. “I can’t take care of a baby alone. I don’t know what to do. Where to start?”

“Come on…we will worry about that after we see her.” He placed an arm over Howie’s shoulder and guided him out the door. Neither one of them had the guts to look back, so they walked out and continued down the hallway towards the nursery.

There were several newborn beds, but only four were occupied. The two men scanned the names and their eyes fell upon a sleeping baby girl in her pink hat and booties. Howie instantly smiled as he pointed at her. “She’s so tiny.”

A nurse peaked her head from inside and smiled. “You must be daddy Dorough. Would you like to come in?”

He instantly looked over at AJ and then followed the older lady inside where he got dressed to walk into the nursery. Right away he remembered Millie and pain seared through his chest. He realized that, that exact pain would hit him every time that he thought of her, for a very long time.

The friendly nurse came back with a tiny bundle in her hands and placed it carefully into Howie’s arms. He was nervous, but didn’t say a word. He just stared at the tiny baby cradled in his arms. Her eyes lazily opened and she twisted her tiny mouth into a pout. “She looks just like her mother. Hi Mila…” his voice cracked. “I’m not sure how to do this…but I promise I will try my best to take care of you.”

He brushed his lips against her forehead and then scooped her up so that AJ could see from outside. “That’s your uncle AJ. He already loves you just as much as I do. He’s going to help us get through baby girl. We’ll get through this.”

~~Three months later~~

“Come on baby spit it out…you can do it!” Rachel yelled at AJ that was trying his hardest to adjust the seed in his mouth. He wanted to win this seed spitting contest just as bad as the chubby kid next to him.

Howie couldn’t help laughing at his best friend looking like a dork with his cheeks puffed up ready to spit out the seed and his watermelon shaped hat over his head. AJ pouted and blew out the seed, but it only fell a couple of inches away. He huffed like a child and gave the kid a ’don’t mess with me’ look. “Next year kid! Hey wait…we still have to buy a watermelon. You know the auction.”

Rachel and Howie both groaned. They knew just how much AJ loved to shop, they just didn't imagine he'd be interested in watermelons. He grabbed the twosome and they started for the tent where the auction was taking place. Music played in the background and Howie's stomach somersaulted as he heard the Taylor Swift song blaring through the speakers.

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar…

The pang returned to Howie’s chest, but by now he knew how to control it. He knew that there would always be something or someone that would remind him of her. That the pain of losing her would never go away. Because he’d always have Mila who was just like her.

“Mr. Dorough, I’ve been looking all over for you. I was delighted when my momma said you were here. It’s been a long time.” The man was smiling and at the same time he was frowning. “I heard about your girlfriend. She was a sweet thing, but I see she left you a little gift.” The man stared at the sleeping baby.

Howie looked down at his chest as if he didn’t know what the man was looking at. “Oh…yeah. This is Mila.”

The man patted him on the back, “I knew you guys was in love the first time I saw ya. No matter how bent out of shape you were, you two were smiling bright around each other. Anyways, I just approached you to thank you for coming back down to the Watermelon Thump and spreading the word. We are excited to have you guys performing tomorrow night.”

The baby let out a cry and started wiggling about in her baby kangaroo. “I’m sorry she must be tired.”

“I’m really sorry for your loss. I wont hold you and baby Mila up anymore. I just…well we take pictures every year and when momma said you checked in I just had to find this picture. I thought you would like it.” The man handed over the picture, “I’ll see you around Mr. Dorough.”

Howie took a look and smiled. Both their eyes were closed and their lips were touching. Someone had caught them in mid-kiss. The knot grew so big in his throat, that it was almost impossible for him to swallow it down, but he did. Millie was gone…but she’d always live in his heart.

“Come on Mila, lets help uncle AJ pick a good watermelon.”

THE END