00Carter by Himitsu Takana, Rose, RokofAges75, Purpura Lipstick, nicksgal, DragonStar
Summary:


Swashbuckling pirates... gun-wielding Disney characters... moonwalking penguins... mind-numbing reality show singing competitions - you never know what the day will bring when you work for Himitsu Takana. And secret agent 008, better known as 00Carter, is ready for anything… just so long as he’s back in time to score with one of his beautiful Carter girls.

He’s Carter… Nick Carter.

Along with the elite agents of HimTak, he’s out to save the world, one mission at a time.

Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys, Fanfiction > Music > NSYNC Characters: AJ, Brian, Group, Howie, Kevin, Nick
Genres: Action, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Humor, Science Fiction
Warnings: Death, Violence
Challenges:
Series: 00Carter
Chapters: 78 Completed: No Word count: 248682 Read: 159488 Published: 06/11/08 Updated: 12/24/12
Story Notes:
(Formerly written with Honey, Nijntje, Ryanna, ErnieMac21, Gravity 721, and Jellicle)

Thanks for voting for 00Carter at the Felix Awards!

1. Carter... Nick Carter: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

2. Carter... Nick Carter: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

3. Carter... Nick Carter: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

4. Idolize Me: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

5. Idolize Me: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

6. Idolize Me: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

7. Idolize Me: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

8. Remember Me: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

9. Remember Me: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

10. Remember Me: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

11. Remember Me: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

12. Remember Me: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

13. Remember Me: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana

14. Ice Ice Baby: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

15. Ice Ice Baby: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

16. Ice Ice Baby: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

17. Ice Ice Baby: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

18. Ice Ice Baby: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

19. Bunnies In Black: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

20. Bunnies In Black: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

21. Bunnies In Black: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

22. Bunnies In Black: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

23. Bunnies In Black: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

24. Bunnies In Black: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana

25. Bunnies In Black: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana

26. Bunnies In Black: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana

27. It's a Small World: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

28. It's a Small World: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

29. It's a Small World: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

30. It's a Small World: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

31. It's a Small World: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

32. It's a Small World: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana

33. It's a Small World: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana

34. It's a Small World: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana

35. It's a Small World: Part 9 by Himitsu Takana

36. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

37. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

38. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

39. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

40. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

41. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana

42. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana

43. Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana

44. FANthrax: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

45. FANthrax: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

46. FANthrax: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

47. FANthrax: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

48. FANthrax: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

49. FANthrax: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana

50. FANthrax: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana

51. FANthrax: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana

52. FANthrax: Part 9 by Himitsu Takana

53. FANthrax: Part 10 by Himitsu Takana

54. Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

55. Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

56. Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

57. Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

58. Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

59. Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana

60. Catch Her If You Can: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

61. Catch Her If You Can: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

62. Catch Her If You Can: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

63. Catch Her If You Can: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

64. Catch Her If You Can: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

65. Catch Her If You Can: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana

66. Catch Her If You Can: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana

67. Catch Her If You Can: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana

68. Catch Her If You Can: Part 9 by Himitsu Takana

69. Catch Her If You Can: Part 10 by Himitsu Takana

70. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana

71. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana

72. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana

73. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana

74. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana

75. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 6 by RokofAges75

76. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana

77. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 8 by RokofAges75

78. A 00Carter Christmas: Part 9 by RokofAges75

Carter... Nick Carter: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana


"Carter... Nick Carter," Nick mused as he strolled down the hall.

His light blonde hair, usually spiked, was down that day, hanging over his clear, ocean-tinted eyes ever so slightly. Time to cut it, but now was no time for such thoughts. He was a trained agent of Himitsu Takana, an elite agency out to save the world (though not as clichéd as it would sound to most). Nick would know that better than anyone.

Relocated after the original base in Japan had been destroyed, the agency’s headquarters was now in the United States. It was not a location he'd choose, but the agency was home to him. It had been for four years now.

He blinked. Had it been that long already?

Not that he had been on active duty for all four of those years, much to his dismay. Still, it was life as he’d known it since he was only twenty-two.

Himitsu Takana was an agency known for having no ties to the governments of the world. It was like a mother, watching over the entire planet, with highly trained specialists to help keep the world from peril on a daily basis. People across the entire planet went about their business as if it was nothing, oblivious to the chaos the agents at Himitsu Takana took on every day. All of them, with skills beyond those of civilians, had been plucked out specifically, chosen for this extraordinary task. Their lives knew death by its face, and instead of quailing in its presence, they stared it down. Most of the agents had, at least.

Nick decided not to let his thoughts ramble on any longer.

He knew what he was on the hunt for, what he had to do. He made a turn, entering the room cautiously as he idly began to hum to himself. "Dum dum, da da, dum dum, da da, dum dum, da da, dum dum... do do do... do do do… do do do... do do! Dum dum, da da, dum dum dum, da da…”

He kept humming the Mission: Impossible theme as he crept to the next location. He hummed in tune, even, yet sneakily at the same time. His eyes took in his surroundings as he remained in the darkness, just waiting to capture that precious object, the object so many would desire, so many would take for their own. When the coast was clear, he broke for its chest, opening it ever so carefully… and gasped.

The precious was gone.

Nick had kept it there under close guard so when the right moment came, he could use the item properly. Now it had been stolen before he had the chance!

His jaw clenched in determination. He would do what he had to, a mission he would give himself based on necessity. It was time to discover who took the lost and valuable item that was irreplaceable and worth more than Nick could imagine.

He turned from the room and stealthily crept away. There were plenty of subjects known to sneak in at Himitsu Takana. Before he could go and question outsiders, there was something he knew he had to do first. He had to take on the task of questioning his own.

His first stop would be his secretary, the most obvious suspect, Mr. James Lancybassy.

Nick stormed down the hallway, determined to find out more information about his missing treasure. He spotted his first victim - no, suspect - obliviously plucking his eyebrows at his desk outside of Nick's office.

Lancybassy’s hair was cut short and a lighter shade of blonde than Nick's, but only at the ends. He was always well-groomed, and although he seemed to get along very well with the girls, he never seemed to have any romantic interests. Although Nick could never pinpoint a reason for Lancybassy's usually strange behavior around him, he normally just ignored it and went on with his work. Today, though, his behavior only made him seem more suspicious to Nick.

"Lancybassy!" Nick called from a few feet down the hall, causing Lancybassy to jump in excitement and almost pull out half his eyebrow hairs. "Come with me," he ordered, not pausing as he passed the desk.

Lancybassy grinned widely as he eagerly jumped up from his chair and hurried to catch up with the man he secretly desired. Maybe he finally realized how I feel about him! he thought to himself as he waited impatiently for a moment outside of the door he'd seen Nick go into, straightening his pink tie and fidgeting with his white shirt and gray, pinstriped suit. Then he saw the doorknob turn.

"How's it going, Nick?" Lancybassy said, trying to control his nerves as he stood in the doorway of the dimly lit room to which Nick had opened the door.

"Just sit down." Nick motioned to the only chair in the room, a black, metal folding chair, which was placed at a metal card table with a bare light bulb dangling just a few feet above it. Nothing in the room was pleasant at all; there was no window, and the room itself was rather cramped and small. There were tall, black shelves lining the walls, and a closer look revealed boxes upon boxes sitting scattered all over them.

Lancybassy sat down and eyed Nick closely - as he always did - in an attempt to determine why they were where they were. "I hope you don't think I'm an idiot, Lancybassy," Nick said after about a minute in a calm, yet somehow unsettling tone. He was pacing back and forth, although there wasn't much room for that in the small space they were in.

"Of course I don't think you're an idiot-" Lancybassy began before Nick abruptly cut in.

"Because I KNOW what you're up to!" Nick interrupted, his voice getting a bit louder. "I know there's something you're hiding from me,” he added, after he'd calmed down for a moment.

"Hiding something?" Lancybassy repeated incredulously, surprised to learn that the forward advances he'd been making apparently weren't as forward as he thought. "Nick, I'm not hiding anything from you. Never have."

"A likely story!" Nick exclaimed, slamming his hand down on the table and startling Lancybassy. "Now tell me where it is!"

Swing, and a miss. Maybe it'll hit him tomorrow. Lancybassy frowned, sighing to himself before he realized Nick was getting angry as he waited for his answer. "Where what is?"

"You know what 'what'," Nick answered, raising his eyebrows.

"No really, what?"

"The ‘what’!"

"What ‘what’??"

"The ‘what’ I know you know about!!"

"No, I don't! What are you talking about?" Lancybassy was thoroughly confused now, although his close proximity with Nick - who now had both hands on the table and was leaning in at almost eye-level with him - was only giving him the urge to reach forward and-

"You know what I'm looking for!" Nick derailed Lancybassy's train of thought - as well as his chance to finally make his biggest move yet - as he pushed himself away from the table and continued pacing, frustrated. "Just tell me where I can find it!"

"Find what??"

"Stop playing coy with me!" Nick was extremely annoyed with Lancybassy now. He knew there was something Lancybassy was keeping from him, and he was in no mood to play games to find out!

"I'm not!" Lancybassy argued. Not right now, at least. "Just tell me what you're looking for! I'll help you find it!"

Nick sighed as he realized that James Lancybassy truly did not know the whereabouts of the precious. Too bad, Nick thought, That would've really helped explain why Lancybassy is so damn weird around me all the time.

Nick stood quietly for a moment, looking Lancybassy over to check one last time and see if he was lying, before walking over to the door. "No, Lancybassy," he said solemnly as he opened it, walking out instead of holding it open like Lancybassy thought he was doing. "You're probably safer not knowing."

"Well, you know where to find me," Lancybassy replied after he'd stopped the door from hitting him in the face and stepped into the hallway, putting a hand on Nick's shoulder and grinning widely again.

"Yeah, sure, James," Nick answered defeatedly, moving Lancybassy's hand off of his shoulder as they both stood in the hall outside the open door, Lancybassy unsure what to do now that his hopes had once again been dashed, Nick scouting for his next suspect in the search for his missing valuable.

"So, you finally came out of the closet?" a familiar voice said from behind them, taking the two men by surprise. "You were in that supply closet so long I thought you'd both suffocated."

Nick turned, smirking. “Hello, Red. Just the woman I wanted to see.”

Red Jewel, the agency’s own medical doctor, cocked her head, a lock of her short, red hair falling over her face. She tucked it behind her ear, the corners of her lips curving upwards, and said, “Really. And why did you want to see me?”

The sound of breathing diverted Nick’s attention from her; he glanced over his shoulder to find Lancybassy still standing there, a few feet away, watching the two of them with a chill in his pale blue eyes. Nick frowned, turning back to Red Jewel. “Let’s step into your office, dear, and I’ll tell you.”

He put his hand on the small of her back as they walked down the hall to the medical ward where she spent most of her time. She had her own little complex there, with an examining room, a small infirmary for sick or injured agents, a lab, and, of course, her office, the only room that was not all sterile white and stainless steel. He was glad to get into her office and away from the infirmary; it gave him the chills, not just because it always felt cold there, but because it harbored bad memories, memories of the days following his last mission…

Nick shivered, but instantly felt warmer when he entered the office. Gone was the stark whiteness, contrasted sharply by the dark, bold colors that decorated Red Jewel’s private domain. Staying true to her name, she’d had the walls painted a deep shade of red, and her desk and leather furniture were all sleek black. Exotic flowers and accent pieces in rich purple hues added color and character to her décor.

The first time he’d seen this office, he didn’t think it fit Red Jewel at all. He had just met her, and she’d seemed too sweet and innocent for the dark, edgy colors. Beautiful, yet mousy and meek, he’d pictured her in a room with floral prints, pastels, and pictures of wide-eyed kittens. But in time, he’d learned that Red’s medical quarters described her perfectly. Pure white and clean on the outside, but with a darkness, a playfulness, a fire hidden within. That was Red Jewel.

Today, though, he didn’t feel like playing. He was on a mission, and despite her sweetness, he had a suspicion that Red was the culprit he was looking for. “It’s always the quiet ones…” he murmured, eyeing her suspiciously.

Red Jewel turned. “What?”

“Never mind. Sit down,” he beckoned, waiting until she had taken a seat at her desk. Then he sank into the leather chair across from her and glared across the desktop, trying to look intimidating.

Red Jewel blinked. “What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

Nick decided to try some psychology. “Oh, I think you know,” he replied, arching an eyebrow. When she didn’t respond right away, he steepled his fingers on the desktop and slowly tapped his index fingers together, waiting.

Finally, Red shook her head. “I’m lost, Nick. What’s going on?”

Ah, so she’s playing dumb, he thought. Well, he wasn’t going to fall for that. Red Jewel was too smart to be dumb; she was a doctor, after all. “Something precious to me has been taken. And I think you know just where it went!” he accused. “Where were you at 1400 hours??”

“Two o’clock? I was here, in my office, reading my medical journal,” she replied easily, holding up a thick periodical. “This month’s issue just came in the mail.”

“Let me see that,” growled Nick, snatching it roughly from her hands.

“You won’t understand it,” Red Jewel teased with a wink.

Nick glanced up over the top of the journal, narrowing his eyes across the desk at her. “I’m not stupid. You don’t get to the rank of 008 by being stupid, you know. I know exactly what a-“ He glanced down quickly at the journal, reading the first big word that jumped out at him, “-Etchy-mosis is.”

“Ecchymosed?” Red asked, raising her brows; she said it like ‘ek-uh-mosis.’ “Okay, Dr. Carter, what is it?”

“It’s, uh… uh…” Damn, why didn’t these medical journals have big words highlighted in yellow and listed in a glossary off to the side, like his textbooks in school had?

“It’s a red-purple discoloration of the skin, due to the passage of blood from ruptured blood vessels into subcutaneous tissues,” Red Jewel defined in a brisk voice, as if she’d been reading it out of a dictionary. “In laymen’s terms… a bruise.”

“Oh,” huffed Nick. His ego was now bruised… or etchy-motized, whatever that word was. Eager to change the subject, he lowered his eyes to the medical journal again and suddenly gasped, “Ah ha!”

“‘Ah ha’ what?”

“Ah ha,” Nick said again, smiling triumphantly over the top of the journal, which he practically flung into her face. “What’s this?!” he demanded, waving the journal under her nose.

“What’s what? I can’t see when it’s right in my face.”

Nick pulled the journal back. “This! Right here!” he said, pointing to a small stain on the margin of the page, a little circle of discoloration that was slightly darker than the paper around it. “That’s a fingerprint! You had something on your fingers when you read this page! Something you got from meddling around where you weren’t supposed to be, perhaps?” He waved the journal around tauntingly, triumphantly. He had caught Red Jewel red-handed!!

“Let me see that.” Red snatched the journal back and raised it cautiously to her nose. She sniffed once, then gave him an exasperated look. “It’s lotion,” she said. “I had just put lotion on my hands before I read this. Smell for yourself. It’s raspberry vanilla, the kind I always use.”

Suspiciously, Nick took a small whiff. Indeed, it carried the sweet scent of Red Jewel, which he now realized was the lotion she used. He was disappointed, but not about to quit his investigation now. The mysterious fingerprint may have just been lotion, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a clue. “Alright then, tell me this – why did you put on lotion right then? Didn’t you realize it would get all over your magazine?”

“My hands were dry. I had just washed them.”

“Ah ha! Ah ha!” Nick cackled again. “And why had you just washed your hands? Something on them, maybe? Something you got while you were taking things that weren’t yours?!”

Red Jewel blinked. “Nick, I’m a doctor. I work around bacteria all the time. I try to keep my ward as clean and sterile as I can, and that means washing my hands. Often.”

“Oh.” Nick slumped in his chair. Interrogating Red Jewel was impossible; she was just too logical. Even if she had taken the precious, he could see he wasn’t going to get anything out of her. At least not now.

He sighed. “Alright, you got me. You’re off the hook… for now. But I may be back, so don’t think you’ve outsmarted me.”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “I won’t.”

Nick narrowed his eyes at her one last time, then got up from his seat and swept dramatically out the door. He turned once to see if she would call him back, confess at the very last minute, but she had already returned to her medical journal and was reading contentedly.

Frustrated, Nick stalked out of the medical ward.


± ± ±
Carter... Nick Carter: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
He could not help but keep his eye on Carter as he strolled around the office in search of something.

He had moved cautiously into the shadows as the agent passed him on his way towards his secretary.

He’d watched as Nick pulled Mr. LancyBassy into the closet and caught muffled conversation.

Before he could be noticed, he’d quickly turned and walked in the opposite direction, as Nick had emerged from the closet and started talking with Red Jewel.

A smirk had crossed his face as he watched Nick move in the opposite direction of what he desired. It had been close; he’d thought he was almost caught when the two had looked over in his direction before making their way elsewhere, presumably to Red Jewel’s office. It had been easy to make his way across the rest of the office unnoticed; no one else would be looking for him, and no one else knew what it was he carried.

He sat at his desk as a flash of blond hair went by, signaling that Nick was on the move again. He almost jumped from his seat, but felt safe again when, just like that, the blond was out of sight. He was almost joyous at being able to pull the wool over the agent’s eyes for as long as he had. He was sure Carter would have caught him by now.

Running his hands through his hair, he sighed and wondered if the item Nick searched for would be safer elsewhere. He looked around, wondering where to put it, and then he grinned, as he knew the perfect place to keep it out of Carter’s reach.


± ± ±


In the hallway, Nick happened upon a sight that lifted his mood… three of the hottest girls in the agency. Unfortunately, they were flirting with Agent 006, otherwise known as Shazam.

Nick’s smile quickly morphed back to a frown.

In his mind, many questions whirled. Scratching his head, so that his hair went back to its original messy shape, he started to walk towards JC and the ladies. He was getting a clear vision of what had happened.

Who would dare to invade the secrecy of your own den, Carter? Who would give himself the privilege of sneaking into your space and stealing from you? It would be none other than 006! Nick thought, scanning the hallway sharply . Joshua Scott Chasez, you are too damned dead.

He needed a plan to get this proud Shazam out of his cool state, for only he would know what had happened to his jewel.

Again, Nick found himself stuck with no answer to his one very important question, his one quest for the day, his mission of the decade: where had the precious gone? All of his attempts to investigate and locate the precious had gone in vain, which made him rather itchy.

He needed his precious.

He walked straight to JC. With a sly smile drawn on his face, he looked at the ladies

"Good day to you, dear ladies. How honored am I to see the three of you at the same time." Flashing his teeth, he grinned at the girls. He could see their smiles shaping as they were distracted from the charming yet piercing blue-eyed Shazam.

"Glad to see you too, Carter," one of the ladies answered. "What brought you here?”

"Well, my dear beautiful ladies, it seems to me that there is a naughty fox hanging around, and I thought you might be in need for our protection. Right, Shazam?" Nick said, throwing a cold look at JC.

JC, noticing the look, raised his brow in a sarcastic act. "You know, Carter, it depends on what you are trying to say here."

"You know full well what I mean, and you know how I hate to see such beauties wasting their precious time on something that isn’t worthy."

"Carter… I could have killed you by now," said Shazam, looking straight into Nick’s eyes. Nick returned the electrifying look. Anyone passing by could see that it wasn't a normal conversation that was going on.

"Are you suggesting that you are too proud to fight me here?" Nick, at that point, had realized that it was time he shot his last bullet on whatever kept JC silent. "Come on, Shazam, everyone knows how skillful you are!" Nick continued his mocking, praying that he could lead JC into his game of trap, then question.

"You’re dead, Carter," said Shazam. "To the training room! I'll be merciful and let you pick your weapon there." Fire was spewing from 006's eyes and words.

The ladies thought it was finally time for someone to break the dullness of that day; they could watch and enjoy those two fighting.

It didn't take the men but ten minutes to walk to the training room. Both quickly realized that, somehow, the news had broken into the offices, and now the bet was officially set on who would win in the Carter vs. Shazam fight. Already, there were a couple of witnesses to watch the fight.

As Nick entered the room, he headed to the weapons cabinet; nothing could have made him enjoy the battle with Shazam more than something traditional, something he loved using, so he picked the wooden bamboo Bo.

"My weapon is set, 006. But I’d love to add a game to this: I stick you down, I win an answer, and you must give me the right one. You stick me down, you get an answer. What do you think?"

"Can't you grow up, Carter?" JC smiled at the thought of being asked a question in the middle of a fight. He took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, then walked to Nick.

"Even though it sounds silly, I would enjoy beating you, and you know that," said JC as he held his own Bo.

"I don't think so," came the reply out of Nick's mouth, right along with a hit towards JC at a time he wasn’t expecting it.

Shazam fell on his back, yet quickly bounced back to his heels. "Carter?"

"So, since it is my first point, it is also my first question. Where were you at about 1400 hours today?”

"You are that damned serious about it??" JC raised his brow along with his Bo in a defense position. "Jesus."

"Nah… Wrong answer, JC Boy. You didn't own your question; you must answer," said Nick, while trying to charge his second attack, maneuvering to reach for JC's balance.

JC realized that, somehow, Nick was determined to win, and hurried to stop him. But he was shoved aside by the speed of Nick's attack, and he found himself losing a second point to Nick.

"I’ll repeat my question: Where were you at 1400 hours today, Shazam?"

JC felt that something was wrong, but he didn't want to lose a game, especially not to Carter. “Around 1400? I guess you’d have to ask K about where I was; he knows better."

"That's not…" Before Nick had time to complete his sentence, JC managed to hit Nick, a straight strike right above his ankle that made him crash down to the hard floor.

JC smiled as he stood looking down at Carter. "My turn..." he said. "Why the heck do you want to know where I was?"

"Not your problem," answered Nick and went back to his feet, feeling the pain in his ankle. But he was a double 0 agent; no pain was allowed. So he started another attack. This time, it was rather an offensive one.

"Why do you think you have the right to know where I was at 1400 hours, Carter?" JC asked as he pushed Nick to the wall and tried to take a chance to hit him again.

Nick rushed back to his feet. "Because I told you the rules. I hit, I ask, you answer!" answered Nick as he gained his balance.

"But you didn't answer my question!" JC said as he tried to black Nick. Nick managed to elude him and sway the Bo to send JC back to the floor.

"Carter wins another one. Where is it, Sneaky?" Nick was in another point of concentration; he had to know where the precious was, and nothing would stop him.

"Where is what, Carter? What are you talking about?" JC threw his Bo aside, since Nick wouldn't stop this silly game. He knew he couldn't attack an unarmed person and tried to figure out what Nick was talking about.

But Nick just did the same, throwing his cane aside, and rushed to him. "I would rather not make this a fist fight. You better answer my question, 006. Were you anywhere near my office today?" Now, as he was catching his breath, Nick looked at JC. "You have ten seconds to answer, or I'll ask it in another way. ... 9… 8… 7…"

"Carter, if you have anything in your mind, just shoot it and don’t waste my time here." JC looked straight into Nick's eyes. "Are you trying to accuse me of something here?"

At that point, Nick did a double back turn with a kick right at JC, forcing him back on the floor for the fourth time, with his knife hand kick just close to JC's neck.

"I am just asking you, 006, were you near my office today at 1400 hours or what?" Nick was staring back into JC's blue eyes. Even though those eyes were piercing, they had the advantage of intimidating enemies. Yet Carter felt immune to that effect.

"I think you are forgetting that my office is just six steps away from yours, Carter."

"Did you enter it?"

"NO. I did not."

"Are you convincing me that you didn't try to sneak a peek into my office, and you weren't seduced by the red precious thingie that was on my desk?" Nick asked firming his grip on his shirt.

JC couldn't help himself from smiling at the notion.

"First, yes, I snuck into your office and saw it, but no, I didn't touch your ‘thingie,’ as you call it. You better find another suspect to intimidate, Carter. Weren't you taught how to interrogate? Geez, your tricks won't work on me.”

Just as Nick was about to retort, he heard a voice, a very distinctive one to him.

“Hey, hey, hey!” The interjection came the woman behind him, who, in seconds, grabbed his shoulders from behind and tried to pull him off of JC. “Knock it off, both of you!” her voice was bursting angrily right behind his ears.

It took him a couple of moments before he came back to his senses and let go of JC, whose face was turning a bright shade of red. He pushed himself back to his feet and turned around to see the woman who was still clutching his arm tightly.

Diamond Divine.

Without another word, she almost dragged him inside the main building. Nick just followed her lead, trying to collect his thoughts and, at the same time, trying to estimate Diamond’s reaction.

“You were good out there, but I think you need to start training the martial arts again. You were lacking between moves,” were the first words slipped from her beautifully shaped red lips, followed by a soft giggle. Nick frowned; this girl never ceased to amaze him for one single day.

“How the hell do you know what was going on out there anyway?”

She smiled coyly. “I have eyes and ears everywhere, Carter.” She left him hanging there and turned around, walking down the hallway, only to hear his footsteps following her closely. Indeed, she had just given him a slight lead to follow on his mission.

“You were in the surveillance room again, weren’t you?” Nick questioned, as they walked through the long corridor, silence being broken only by the sounds their shoes made on the dark marble floor.

Diamond gave a small nod. “It’s become kind of a reality TV addiction for me. I like to keep an eye on what everyone’s up to. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you half of the things I’ve seen,” she said with a chuckle.

“Oh no, so you have juicy secrets on everyone hidden in your closet?” Nick replied, wiggling his eyebrows, as he stopped in front of the elevators and pushed the up arrow button.

Diamond stopped by his side. “I only have your juicy secrets hidden in my closet, Nick dear.”

Nick looked at the petite blonde incredulously. This was Diamond Divine for you. Perfectly matching the initials of her real name, Desiree Dubaiser, she was quite a handful of a woman. They had been especially close since she earned her rank as Agent 009, and they had this unsolved chemistry between them. Nick couldn’t help but flirt back and forth with her every once in a while, knowing full well she enjoyed it as much as he did. From many perspectives, she was a woman to die for: smart, witty, blonde, and sexy, not to mention her undeniable talent for being an agent. Her flirtatious behaviors were a killer for many men, unfortunately including Nick, to an extent.

Stop staring at her like a drooling high school kid, dumbo, he thought to himself. You have to focus on your mission. He darted his eyes away from her and looked at the numbers above the elevator, noticing it was only one floor above where they were.

“I won’t say a word until you interrogate me, sitting on a chair with a light bulb above my head,” she claimed suddenly, causing Nick to startle. He turned to look at her one more time, more incredulous than ever. The elevator beeped, and she walked in, only to add seductively, “But elevators work fine for me too. Didn’t know you had such a fantasy, Carter.”

He gulped and tried to forego the rush of blood in his veins and stepped inside the elevator. Once the doors were closed, he was able to make sentences again.

“So you know about my mission.”

“You think I wouldn’t? This is what everyone’s been talking about… or at least what Lancybassy was talking about.” She giggled. “And my answer is no.”

He looked at her suspiciously. “Should I believe you?”

Diamond smiled, with a feigned innocent look on her face. She stepped forward, facing Nick’s body with only an inch left between them. Moving her right arm around his neck, she slowly pulled him to herself, mumbling a soft “yes” in his ear. Totally caught up in the heat of the moment, as her hand traced down to his chin and along his tie, slowly pulling it, Nick even forgot what she was saying yes to, inhaling her sweet magnolia smell. Just as his hands were about to grab her thin waist in her red dress, the inevitable beep of the elevator was heard again.

Diamond gently pushed Nick away from herself, when the doors opened to a large hallway, where Agent Jay stood waiting in the middle, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Good timing, 008. I’m glad you didn’t make me push the dial button again. Now please follow me.”

Nick’s shoulders slumped as he stepped out of the elevator and followed Agent Jay, only to look back to see Diamond waving a small bye to him, with a smug smirk upon her lovely face.

Nick followed Jay down the hall with a furrowed brow. There were only a handful of agents left for him to question, and he wasn’t any closer to finding his precious. He glanced curiously at the man whom he called his boss, although one would never know it by his appearance.

Agent Jay was a colorful character, indeed. Despite the strict dress code at the agency, Jay proudly sported several pieces of jewelry that dangled from random piercings, and his extensive body paint protruded from the neck and sleeves of his suit.

Yes, Agent Jay was just radical enough to be the man Nick was searching for. But Alexander James McLean was no fool, and Nick knew that better than anyone. He looked up to the man, much like a father, and owed him credit for everything he knew. If Nick was going to get answers from Jay, then he was going to have to be crafty about it. His typical interrogation methods were no match for his mentor.

“What have you been up to today?” he asked as he casually strolled through the door to Agent Jay’s office.

“I have a mission for you, 008.”

“A new assignment? Really?”

Nick’s personal vendetta was momentarily forgotten at the idea of a job. Jay gave a light chuckle, and his eyes climbed a bookshelf at the far end of his office. A big box rested on the shelf nearest the ceiling, well beyond the reach of Agent Jay. “Agent 008, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get that box for me.”

Nick’s hope was crushed, but his annoyance was kicked into overdrive. Apparently, his hiatus was still in effect.

“Do you think this is a joke?” Nick said, holding onto his temper by only a mere thread. “I’m going crazy sitting around here all day while everyone else is busy saving the world. And would you please stop calling me 008? You know I hate that!”

Jay contained his laughter. Although he found his protégé very amusing, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. What happened to Nick would have shaken anyone up. Jay was concerned for Nick, but he also knew the young agent well and knew a little harassment may just be what the doctor ordered. “Well, we have to call you something, and 007 is already taken,” he continued to tease.

“Well, why can’t I have something cool like you?” Nick whined.

“When you’re as cool as me, then you can have a cool nickname. Until then, why don’t you just get that box for me?”

“Why don’t you just get it yourself? I’m not that desperate for an assignment yet.”

Jay finally let go of his laughter and pointed to a chair that stood at the base of the bookshelf. “Even standing on that, I can’t reach that box. You’re well over six feet, dude. That makes you my number one point man.”

With a grunt, Nick huffed himself up onto the chair and retrieved the box without difficulty. “Mission accomplished, Sir,” Nick spouted sarcastically as he dropped the box onto Agent Jay’s large, messy desk.

The box dropped with a thud, sending a stack of papers flying from the desk. Nick was stunned by what had been hiding beneath the documents. He leaned forward to examine the evidence: a thick red substance splattered on the tabletop. Nick wafted the air around it toward his nose, and a distinct aroma filled his nostrils.

This was the clue he’d been looking for. The object of his desire had been here, sitting atop this very desk.

Nick spun around, sending his boss an accusing glare. “Where have you been today? Say around 1400 hours?” he questioned with intensity.

“What is this?” Jay giggled, “An interrogation?”

“I’m on a mission!” Nick demanded.

“Not any mission I assigned you.”

“It’s a self-imposed mission. To find something that was taken from me.”

“And just what would that be?” Jay asked, deciding to play along.

To Agent Carter, this was not a joke. The missing object was precious to him, and he wanted it back! His eyes narrowed, and he found himself in a stand-off with the very man he looked up to more than anyone. “The truth,” he answered. “I’m in search of the truth!”

Nick slid his index finger through the cold, wet substance on the desk and held it out where Agent Jay could see it. “And you, my friend, look very guilty!”

Agent Jay’s deep, chocolate eyes sparkled playfully as a wide smirk spread across his face. “Give it up, 008,” he challenged deviously. “I don’t have what it is that you’re looking for.”

Nick studied his opponent carefully for a moment. “No,” he replied, “but you know who does!”

Agent Jay raised an eyebrow, daring Carter with his eyes. “A Himitsu Takana agent never talks,” he said with an evil laugh.

Nick knew this to be true firsthand. No matter what kind of torture he put Jay through, he would never give up the location of his precious.

Nick backed off respectfully, but did didn’t back down. “No matter,” he said confidently as he made his way to the exit. “Agent Carter… Nick Carter… always gets his man.” Nick slammed the door shut behind him as he left the office with renewed determination.

Agent Jay relaxed, and a proud smile crept over him. With a slight shake of his head, he smirked and then whispered to the empty office, “Good luck, kid.”


± ± ±
Carter... Nick Carter: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
Sliding across the floor, Nick entered another room. Quite too fast, actually, as his body slipped on a greasy rag found upon the floor, sending Nick flying into a table towards the center of the large room.

Located on one of the lower levels, it was one with metal walls, and along those walls, one could see, as its décor, items made of technology many would be shocked to discover.

He gave a sheepish grin as he got up casually, brushing off his black slacks as if the incident had never occurred. A chuckle could be heard across the room, and his gaze shifted towards the source. Ahh, next in line to question. It was someone he would never suspect, but one thing he had learned in his career was never to rule out any possibility.

Standing by a large device hidden by a plastic gray cover was a young woman, only a few inches shorter than his own tall, six-foot frame. Her golden hair was pinned up casually, with just a few tendrils framing her doll-like face. Her sapphire eyes stood out as she gave him a grin. It was the head of the Science and Technology Department at Himitsu Takana, Professor Pearl. Not her real name, but, as with the others, an alias intended to keep her safe.

She smirked. “Smooth, 00Carter, real smooth. I bet that one is a real hit with the ladies.”

He leaned against the very same table he had fallen against as she came over to him, heels clicking upon the steel floor. This room was the home for many of her creations. She and Nick had trained together, along with another, but while two of their trio had gone for the coveted 00-rank, Professor Pearl had opted to continue with her love of science. Her gadgets were used commonly among agents; she had even made a special secret weapon for each member of Himitsu Takana that was for that person alone and fit each unique personality.

Still, she and Nick had random talks at times and had remained friends. Sometimes they even went on missions together if her expertise was needed. That hadn’t happened since… his last mission, however.

It then clicked, what she had just called him. “00Carter?”

“You’re the one who hates being called 008, even if it is your rank.”

He stood closer to her now, just taking her in. “I want 007, but that’s always taken by the British man who never ages.”

“And it always will be.”

He moved closer, but was stopped by her next words. “Hold it. K wants you upstairs.” A smirk. “Probably because of your adventures today.”

“All is necessary for the mission. Speaking of which, where were you at 1400 hours today?”

“Where I’m always at, Blondie, here.”

“Do you have anyone to substantiate that claim? Have you been near the red-jeweled object at any time today?”

Professor Pearl crossed her arms as she just gave him an odd glance. “You’re insane.” She laughed, despite her firm stance. “And no to both. No more questioning, or K is going to end up down here, which won’t make any of us happy.”

“I’ll need to speak to you for further questioning.” His eyes scanned the room. It was clean, no sign of the stolen object anywhere. The best evidence so far was back in Agent Jay’s office.

She laughed and pointed to the door. “Go, before he makes you a janitor for Lancy. Come back down here after you’re done. I have something to show you.”

He raised a brow in interest. “New project?”

“Possibly. Now get going.”

Nick headed out and towards the elevator at the end of the hall. It would lead to K’s room. He was the only possible suspect Nick had not questioned yet. Although unfinished, he doubted his favorite scientist had anything to do with it. Agent K had been in Jay’s office earlier.

So now this was it. The head honcho of Himitsu Takana. Agent K. He pressed the button and stepped into the elevator in anticipation. Finally, the mission would be resolved.

"Dun… dun dun dun… dun dun dun…” He looked down at his phone as “Eye of the Tiger” continued to play. As soon as he saw the name ‘Grandma’ scroll across his phone, he mentally beat himself in the head. How fast was he supposed to walk? That was definitely the last person he wanted to hear from. No milk and cookies for him today.

As he opened his phone, it screamed, “CARTER… MY OFFICE… NOW!”

Nick slowly drudged out of the elevator and down the hall. His shoulders sank, and his hands started to sweat. Why was it that Agent K always made him nervous?

Maybe it was the recurring dream he had when he had first joined the agency. In the dream, Agent K was really an evil robot that had laser beams hidden behind his eyebrows. Or it could be that Agent K was the only father figure he had other than Jay.

Nick shrugged his shoulders; it was probably the laser-beam eyebrows.

He knocked on Agent K’s door and peeked his head in.

“Hey, you wanted to see me?” Nick said happily.

“008, sit down,” Agent K replied without his eyes leaving the papers in front of him. He paused while Nick sat down.

“Have you been watching too much TV lately?”

“What?” Nick asked as he scratched his already messy head of hair.

“My agency is not ‘Law and Order’ or one of those cop shows you like watching. You cannot dance around here, harassing my agents for your ‘precious’.” He used his fingers to quote ‘precious’ and continued, “This is not dress-up time; this is a job. For most of us, a life. If you don’t want to act serious, then you can go back home and play with your Barbies.”

“Maybe if you would give me a real assignment, I wouldn’t have to make up my own. I’m tired of sitting around, watching everyone else have all the fun. Besides, my precious is precious to me, hence the name.” Nick started to giggle and roll his eyes, but quickly stopped when he saw Agent K’s eyes glare down at him.

“Look, you weren’t allowed to go on missions after what happened. You should have put your time to use and worked with Smithers.”

“Are you kidding me? Smithers creeps me out. Come on, what does ‘A true fighter is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants,’ mean, anyway?”

“I don’t know. Everyone knows that 004 is kind of nuts, but he’s the best. This has nothing to do with him. I have an assignment that I was thinking about giving to you, but only if you stop all this ‘precious’ nonsense.” Kevin pulled a tan envelope out of his drawer. The letters ‘Confidential’ called to Nick a lot like beautiful women did. He felt his mouth water as he nodded and grabbed the envelope.

“Now, go back down to Pearl; she has what you’ll need to complete your mission.” Agent K sat back down and returned to the paper scattered about his desk.

Nick stepped out of the room with a smile on his face. He started to walk down the hall, then turned back to Agent K’s office to ask him something. He opened the door and found Kevin’s back facing him. As he turned around, nothing could prepare Nick was what he saw next.

Cheese.

Gooey, melted cheese, hanging out of his mouth and onto his chin. Not only was there cheese on his face, but his mouth was full, and a box was in his hand.

“YOU!”

“Yep, it was me. I’m surprised it took you so long. You knew I didn’t have breakfast this morning. It had been sitting on your desk for fifteen minutes.” Kevin chuckled as he finished chewing.

Nick grabbed the almost-empty box and held up the lone piece of crust. The only thing he had left of his pride and joy.

“I can’t believe you would steal MY precious! You of all people know how important it is to me!”

“Oh shut up, it’s a freakin’ pizza! Go get started on your mission, or I’ll give it to JC.”

“Fine, you might have won this battle, but the war is not over.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Kevin said, as he propped his feet up on his desk.

Nick turned to walk out of the office with his eyes ablaze, when Kevin called to him. Nick turned his head.

“Oh, and your precious was ammmmmazing…” he groaned, as he licked his lips.

“Hmmpphh…” Nick stormed out of the office. He pushed the envelope into his pocket and turned toward the stairs. The nerve these people had.

When he came back down from K's office, she was waiting for him, like he knew she would be. He could tell by the smirk she wore that she had known he was finally getting an assignment before he did. Not surprising. Pearl usually saw everyone in the entire agency at one point or another, due to the fact that she was the person to go to for the fun toys.

She talked to everyone, but Nick knew that, like himself, few saw the other side to her. Something he himself could relate to. Smart and sassy on the outside, Pearl had another side, veiled purposely by her brilliance. There were few who got to see the girl behind the curtain, but one of the last who had… well, that was something he didn't need to think about.

She grinned as she leaned against the quite odd-shaped object still hidden by the gray cover. “Like what you heard?” Her voice was calm, almost cold, but Nick could detect the caring nature in it.

“I finally got a mission.”

“Thank Jay for that. He and I were talking yesterday. He came by so I could give him his new personalized weapon… laser gun hidden within his sunglasses.” She chuckled. “He wears the damn things often enough – may as well make them a weapon. Anywho, we talked. You came up in the conversation, and we both knew it was time you saw some action again. He can’t keep your status on hiatus forever just because of one mission…” A pause. “… that wasn’t your fault.”

“That’s debatable,” he replied as he stood next to her, trying to see if he could guess what her new project was.

“It wasn’t.”

“You’ve been saying that since the beginning.”

“And I mean it; you know that.”

The older blonde agent smiled at her. They’d been friends since the beginning. “Thanks.”

Her soft cherry lips curved into an impish grin once more. “Besides, who else could deal with your ghetto booty as much as me and not have sex with you?”

He laughed to himself. “Yet, Kitana.” Rarely did he ever use her real name, unless he was trying to make a point. This was one of those times.

A brow raised, as Pearl shook her head. “C’mon, Blondie… unless you’re keeping 00Carter...?”

“Hell yeah, I’m keeping that!”

“Well, let’s see your new toy then. I’ve been working on it since your forced leave started.”

Now his brow was raised at her in surprise. That long? “Really??”

“I needed to focus my attention on something.” A simple reply with a shrug was all that was seen to most. Nick knew better, but let it go, not wanting to discuss it himself just yet.

“So let’s see it. You haven’t given me my special toy yet.”

She just giggled a bit. “Well, you’re not going to complain about that anymore after this.”

“Will too.”

“Only if you’re a brat. Now pull the cover off.”

“This big thing?”

“Just do it, Blondie.”

He turned away from the other door on the other end of the large room. Her room, due to her creations, connected to the agency’s garage with a large hidden door in the wall that would open with the right press of a secret button. He smirked back at her as he grabbed the plastic sheet. “You’ll be saying those words with a different meaning to me someday.” He yanked it off, tossing it aside, forcing Pearl to duck down so it wouldn’t hit her.

Before him was the sophisticated item, something he never thought Professor Pearl could dream up. A sleek 1953 Hudson Hornet, the onyx paint upon the car shimmering under the florescent lighting. Obviously modified, of course. Instead of the insignia of the car brand on the hood in the front, there was a silver, gothic styled skull, more his style.

Pearl held a simple remote and, pointing it at the car, turned it on, revving the engine.

“This is mine?!” he exclaimed, close to shouting.

“Better not crash it, unless you have a death wish. I’ll have Red save you just so I can kill you.” Another press of a button, and the doors opened. “Take a look inside.”

He got in on the driver’s side, while she sat in the passenger’s seat. She pointed out each modification as she spoke. “Mapping system, homing system for any tracers you put on anyone. Tracers connected to the car are in the glove compartment. Auto drive mode, in case you need to load ammo, but set a location on your computer screen here... before taking your hands off the wheel. The headlights turn into automatics, fully loaded, with the button hidden on the left side of the stick shift. The remote I have in my hand can auto-drive as well, if you need to lead a person astray. Med kit is in the trunk, equipped with the standard toxins and cures supplied by Red.”

“I can see why you’ve been busy. Holy shit.”

“Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment. There’s a handheld that’s the guide to working the car tucked under the mats on the floor.”

He reached down and pulled out a matching handheld with a little skull on the top matching the car. “Any-”

“No games. By the way, the remote and car only answers to you or me. It needs a thumbprint before starting up once you lock it. Precaution reasons. Don‘t need anyone stealing my baby.”

Our baby.”

“Whatever.” She laughed to herself softly as she pushed a golden lock of hair away from her face. “Oh, PLEASE… go through that before trying any tricks.”

“Got it.”

Pearl’s hand shifted his head so his gaze met hers once more. “Promise me. This thing could get you killed otherwise.” It was unsaid, but Nick knew how that would affect her. Especially after what had happened last time.

“Promise.”

She grinned as she pressed a button on the roof of the car, and shelves appeared above their heads, each with several varieties of weapons to choose from. Except one, which looked to be a watch. She grabbed it and handed it to him before pressing the button so the shelves would go up again.

“This is our way of communication. That watch links back to my handheld or headset, depending on what I have on, so we can keep in touch if need be. It also has this neat little trick of being able to decode anything, and is a laser in case you need it. Oh, and it’s a homing beacon for us, in case the one K placed on you is found.”

Nick looked it over with a grin as he put it on his wrist. A frown appeared. “The time is wrong.”

Pearl wore a sheepish look as she watched him carefully. “Well that’s the thing. It doesn’t tell time.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “A watch that doesn’t tell time?”

“Shut it. I had it do so many things, I had no memory left for it to tell time.”

Nick kept snickering. “Watch that doesn’t tell time, how handy.”

“Don’t make me take your toys away.”

He placed his hands together below his chin and gave an angelic pose, his ocean blue eyes shifted upwards. “I’ll be good.”

“Heh. Okay, and this thing drives like a normal car as long as it’s not on auto.” She stepped out of the car, handing him his remote and shutting her door. “Have fun on your mission.”

Immediately, he turned on the radio, which, much to his liking, came with its own personally-programmed iPod, and Nirvana began to play. He rolled down the window and leaned his head out as Pearl opened the door between her laboratory and the agency garage. “I’m going ride you like I am your baby one day!”

Giggling, she just rolled her eyes. “In your dreams, 00Carter!”

Nick sped away from the agency, through the underground garage, coming aboveground near the highway inconspicuously. He drove down the highway, pulling to a stop in the middle of the desert as he looked over his handheld. Well, he’d look over it later. Not now. But he would. He did promise. But not now.

His sun-kissed locks were tousled as the wind began to blow wildly about him. Finally. A mission.

He pulled the envelope out, opening it eagerly, and began to read what he was about to face next…


± ± ±
Idolize Me: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana


Nick drove down the roads of Nevada once more. Remembering Pearl's warning about being careful with her baby, he slowed down a bit so he could read his mission statement, taking his time to read each word of it carefully.

Agent 008:
Intelligence has discovered a terrorist group planning to infiltrate the international singing competition known as Global Idol, which is being held at the MGM Grand Casino in Las Vegas. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go to Las Vegas, counter infiltrate the competition, and stop this threat…
This message will self destruct in two minutes.


He nodded to himself and absently shoved the note in his pocket, speeding up as the excitement rose within him with the knowledge that his first mission back was in Las Vegas. Things were looking up for him. Then, he remembered something.

"Wait, did that thing say it would-?" Nick began to ask out loud before he noticed a small fire burning a hole in his pants pocket. "Shit!" he exclaimed as he tried to pat out the fire, taking a deep breath to calm himself down once the fire was out. He then grabbed the steering wheel immediately once he realized the car was swerving on the road.

Nick again sped up his pace down the long stretch of road, finding himself wondering several things. Why do they make mission statements blow up? How do they make mission statements blow up? Do they put some sort of chemical in the paper or something? That sounds like the sort of thing that Pearl would know how to do.

He wondered if Agent K had asked someone specifically to make his mission statement blow up, knowing that Nick would put it in his pocket. That definitely sounded like the type of thing K would do to him. Nick shook his head and tried to re-focus himself on his mission.

He figured he was making good time, so he decided to relax a bit and see what other music Pearl had loaded onto his iPod. "Hmm..." he said out loud to himself. "Pantera, The Cure, Def Leppard, The Killers..." Nick listed, shuffling through the songs as he kept his eyes on the road. "Even that Crazy Frog song! Not bad, Pearl!" But then, his iPod seemed to turn on him.

'One, two, three, four, five
Everybody in the car, so come on
Let's ride to the liquor-store around the corner
The boys say they want some gin and juice
But I really don't wanna
Beerbust like I had last week
I must stay deep
Because talk is cheap
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita
And as I continue you know
They're getting sweeter'


"What the-" Nick said with a frown. "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega. He hated this song. Pearl had always said it reminded her of him, and he guessed that was why she put it on here. He pressed the skip button a few times, but nothing happened. The song continued to play.

'A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita is all I need
A little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man'


"Oh very funny, Pearl," Nick grumbled, trying to shut off the iPod, but to no avail. He began to get frustrated with it and threw it on the passenger's seat, only to have it bounce off and fall on the floor. Nick worried that he might have damaged it, causing it to permanently be stuck on this song, as opposed to what he'd hoped was only a temporary trick being played at his expense. He quickly leaned over onto the passenger's seat and began to frantically search for his iPod. He felt it under the seat and tried desperately to pick it up.

"AHA!" Nick exclaimed, sitting up and holding up his iPod triumphantly. "Oh shit! Again!" he shouted, grabbing the steering wheel and once again trying to regain control of the car he'd forgotten he was still driving. He was panting now, as all the excitement had really gotten him riled up. The fact that the song was still playing didn't help, either. Thankfully it stopped a few seconds later, and at that point, Nick decided that he wasn't going to take his eyes off the road or his hands off the steering wheel again until he reached Las Vegas. He also decided to try and figure out how to remove that song from his iPod—if there was any way to do that—once he got home from this mission.


± ± ±


The drive ended about half an hour later, after another unfortunate incident with the iPod and “Mambo #5;” seemed Pearl had programmed it to play not once or twice, but three times during the drive.

Nick would get her for that.

It also destroyed his plan to keep his eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel; in an attempt to improvise, he had even driven with his knees at one point, one on the wheel and one on the stick shift.

But that was all in the past. He opened the car door quickly and brushed off his many near accidents. It was at that point he pulled the charred mission paper from his back pocket, tossing it behind him casually as he shut the car door.

“So that’s why it took you so long to get here!” an excited and somewhat surprised voice chirped.

Nick froze stiffly, trying to avoid turning around. Didn’t he know that voice?

“Never mind… It’s just burnt paper…” the voice drawled in an almost quizzical tone.

Nick turned around abruptly and gave a quick glare. “And what exactly were you thinking, Diamond?”

She flashed him a quick smile before examining the paper and the car. “Well, that’s not the best way to use Pearl’s most expensive toy, you know?” She put her hands on the back window. “Are the seats leather?”

He brushed off her remark, if only to himself. After all the time he had spent cooped up at Himitsu Takana, K had finally given him a mission! And not some bullshit mission either, a real mission. He figured this was a reward for all the time he had spent balancing pencils on his nose. (Five was the record, by the way. How? It’s a secret. Fine… Sticking the tips in the erasers of the other pencils. Good method, isn’t it?) Oh, and all the card houses he had made. They really impressed Diamond and Lancy; good thing he’d found that super glue in the supply closet. And his dominoes experiment… Hadn’t gotten past Red, but somehow he would get them to stay up. Maybe that was another use for that super glue…

But even after all that - although K didn’t know about the dominoes… yet - he had actually gotten a real mission. He had also gotten a new toy, but that was completely a coincidence. Pearl had been working on it before today, right? Oh, and a watch that didn’t tell time… What time was it anyway? Lunch? Happy hour?

Nick puzzled over that a moment, then looked at the watch to get an answer. Oh wait… It didn’t tell time. He checked again anyway. But K had finally given him a mission, and let him revel in the glory of having said mission. He had even burned his pants as a testament to his happiness at having a mission.

And yet, there was Diamond. Diamond, who was… pressing herself against his new toy like a model in a car ad… Or the latest Playboy; he couldn’t really remember. Of course, he only read Playboy for the articles.

“…Wouldn’t wear a bra….”

Nick snapped back to attention. “What?”

Diamond let out a sigh. “It figures Pearl would want to show off her creation, so it wouldn’t wear a bra…”

“Oh, the car….”

Diamond turned to Nick with a small grin and tousled his hair. “Not in public, sweetheart.”

“So you’re staying then?” Nick was attempting to bite back his anger, but it was slowly subsiding anyway.

Diamond pulled out her phone and began typing on the keypad, barely acknowledging Nick. “Would I honestly travel to Vegas if I didn’t have to?”

“Second job?”

She continued typing. “While I would make an excellent showgirl, that’s what I have you for.”

Nick attempted to scowl but ended up forming some sort of pout. “How’d you get here so fast anyway?”

“HimTak helicopter.”

“Helicopter?!” Nick stepped back and ended up slipping on a puddle beside his car. He fell on his back; water drops cascaded around him and covered his face.

“Yeah, we got it a week ago… Was it raining?” She sat in silence for a moment, then turned to where Nick had been standing; it was at that point she looked down. She pointed to her face. “Eyes up here, huh?”

“Can’t see that high up,” Nick smirked.

She rolled her eyes and gave him a hand. “Obviously you need glasses.”

He took her hand and pulled himself up. “Don’t they just make things bigger? Actually, that’s not a bad suggestion….” He hid his smirk after receiving Diamond’s death glare. “What were you doing anyway?”

“I was texting Lancy and telling him about your horrible outfit… Hold still, huh?” She took a picture of the sopping Nick and then continued pressing buttons on her phone. “I was also asking a friend to pick up my dry cleaning, making a hair appointment, setting up a dinner date, and flirting with another date.”

“Let me see!” Nick stole her phone.

“Hey!” Diamond squealed.

Nick let out a low chuckle as he tossed her phone back. “Save some of that for me, huh?”

Diamond grumbled and then noticed Nick’s pants hanging off his ass. It was like he was an attractive plumber… which was an oxymoron at best. She began laughing. “I take it that’s to impress the ladies that fall on their back?”

“I’m not wearing a dress or anything,” Nick grumbled as he pulled his pants up.

“Maybe you should put some boxers on for me, huh?”

“Got a preference?” He stuck out his tongue.

“Pink with hearts!” Diamond laughed.

Nick put a hand on Diamond’s butt. “Sure. Let’s get a suite and forget all this mission nonsense…” He pulled Diamond toward him, placing a hand lightly against her upper thigh and placing his face a few inches from hers. “Remember when we went to the Wynn Casino?”

Diamond let out a low moan as she placed her hand on Nick’s neck.

Nick leaned in to kiss her when he heard a loud popping sound. “What the hell?!” Nick turned toward the hood of the car, then the trunk. He was surprised that the trunk was open. “Did I open that?”

Diamond leaned against the car and started texting on her phone again. “Good timing, ace.”

Nick ran over to the trunk and looked at its contents. Road repair kit that he had no idea how to use, a spare tire that he had no idea how to put on, medical toxins and cures that he knew nothing about, and… bright pink boxers with hearts on them. Nick pulled them up and ran to Diamond, shoving them in her face. “What are these?”

Diamond held out her phone and took a picture as a smile spread across her face. “God answered my request!”

A scowl crossed Nick’s face. “Damnit Pearl!!!!”


± ± ±
Idolize Me: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
Pearl smirked as she sat next to her controls. She did upgrade the car herself, so Nick should have known she would be able to control it from her own database.

The large projector screen was before Jay and her on a nearby wall, having come down from a slot in the ceiling. Nick and Diamond’s meeting in Las Vegas filled the screen. More so, Nick getting riled up filled the screen, which, of course, greatly amused Jay, who was sitting beside her. Leave it to her to put underwear in the trunk of Nick's car. Pink ones with hearts on them, to top it off.

Nick was angrily trying to figure out how to talk to Pearl through his watch. "Damnit Pearl!" he exclaimed again when he finally got the thing to work.

Pearl jumped a little at the sudden shouting in her ear and touched a button on her headset, allowing her to speak. "No need to yell, dear. Just my payback for the last little gift you left me during your hiatus. You really thought I wasn't going to get you for that? I never forget, Blondie."

"I'm gonna get you back!" Now he tilted what was the little camera towards his face, though one would never suspect it was a camera. He stuck his tongue out at it, and Pearl giggled.

"Can't wait for it. And don't you have a mission? I'd rather not see a porno, so try not to seduce Diamond out of doing the mission."

Jay snickered as he turned from the sunglasses he was looking over. "Diamond I wouldn't mind, but no amount of money would ever get me to look at 008's ass willingly."

"00Carter!" Nick cried out, annoyed. Jay blinked with surprise. Wow, that headset of Pearl’s was pretty good at picking up any audio around her.

"Get going on your mission. Oh, and don't forget your underwear," she replied simply, making a robotic crane come out of the car, taking the underwear from Diamond's hands and tossing them into Nick's. Diamond could be seen in a fit of laughter, her blonde hair bouncing as she continued chuckling at Nick's pouting and now annoyed face. Pearl chuckled along with Jay as the crane went back inside the trunk, the hood of it shutting as if nothing happened. "And read the guide to the car – I know you haven't. It'll explain the toxins and everything else in the trunk you're confused about. And how to use the cool toys in the car I didn't tell you about. Hop to it, Blondie Boy."

"Fine, but I'm still gonna get you, Pearly."

"Looking forward to it." She pressed the button on her headset once more so Nick couldn't hear what she said and turned to Jay, who was just enjoying the entire scene happen as Nick and Diamond headed into the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino on the screen.

The tattooed man had come down to check on Nick. He’d known Pearl would be keeping a close eye on him. Typically, this was something K or Grasshopper would do; Pearl was used to higher agents coming down to watch the trace cameras. This time, Jay had wanted to and already figured she would as well. Bugs were placed on every agent, tiny audio recorders and cameras, with Pearl's own personal touch, of course. Himitsu Takana, like any agency, kept track of its agents. Of course, this was Nick's first mission since…

Pearl, you have to help me... please... god... Kitana, I have no one else to go to!

She shook the thought away. Because of that, she and Jay obviously wanted to keep an eye on things.

Jay's snickering brought her back to the laboratory she sat in. "That was classic."

"As much as I work, I can afford a little fun," she mused. Really, she and Nick had a history of pulling jokes on each other like that, always careful not to endanger any missions, of course, or K would have their heads on a platter.

It had started when Nick used to prank her during training, so she'd made sure he'd be stuck deciphering 004 speak along with the third part of their trio as Pearl watched, laughing. Since then, they’d had a mischief war between them. So pranking him a little with the underwear, for example, was part of their friendship.

"You should have seen him in his car earlier, Jay. I had it on just in case, but I was busy and distracted from it, 'cause I was working on this new automatic bra-"

He smirked as he tilted his sunglasses down to look at her. "Automatic bra?"

"As in, automatic machine gun, a small one that can fire from the bra. Secret agents... secret weapons."

"I want to be around when Diamond uses it."

"What makes you think I'm making it for Diamond?" She pushed a curly lock away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"Seems like her kind of weapon."

"Could be for Red."

"You already made her two specialized weapons."

"Could be for Emerald."

"Nah, she doesn't like stripping unless she's alone with a guy. Besides, she has the sleeping gas bra." A knowing smirk.

"Well, don't assume."

Jay just laughed. "You could give it to Shazam..."

"He can barely handle himself, much less a woman to wear it. Though..." She grinned. "It would be fun to see him cross dress just so he could have an armed weapon.” She blew a stray lock of hair away from her eyes.

It was pretty well-known that easygoing Professor Pearl, who could get along with almost anyone, had little or no patience for JC. She and Nick had that in common, and Jay would always watch the rare times the three of them had a mission. He was just waiting for the day Pearl would use one of her devices to teach him not to try and tell her how to make her gadgets.

"I'd pay to see that. You're too professional to give it to him. What you do to Nick is one thing; K would burst a vein if you did that to JC."

"Could be for me."

Jay laughed loudly and fiercely, his face beginning to turn red. "Like you'd wear that! You're too..."

Professor Pearl gave him a look and he chuckled, regaining his composure quickly. One should never mess with the one who made your weapons. "Sorry, continue."

"I was working on it and wasn't paying attention, ‘til I heard Nick cursing like no tomorrow." She snickered a bit. "Maybe I should have told him I tweaked with his car's iPod just a bit. He battled the thing ‘cause I programmed it to not skip songs every time it played Mambo #5. And of course I had it play more than once."

"Evil."

"Nah, I just imitate it well."

"You think he can handle this, right?"

A nod. "Of course..."

"But you're watching ‘cause you're worried."

A sigh. "You remember the last mission. Hell, you were there with us. Can you blame me?"

"No, and it took out a great agent."

"Justin was one of the best... I wish it turned out differently is all. I wish a lot of things when it comes to that, Jay."

"We all do, Pearl."

The dark-haired agent drummed his fingers against the table as, on the screen, they could see Nick and Diamond head inside the casino, surrounded by many deaf, wanna-be singers. Immediately, she turned the sound on the screen down a bit.

There were far more than they had expected, and their eyes focused on the screen as the two began to interact with others. Any one of them could be the enemy they were looking for.

The older male next to her began focusing on those there to see if he could spot any suspicious-looking people as they began preparing for the first audition.

"If nothing else, this will be interesting."

"They'll get it done."

His eyes took in the surroundings of the laboratory as he ran a hand through his dark strands of hair. "They have to."


± ± ±


Diamond adjusted her audition number on her stomach. Since a woman had pinned it on her, it was too low. She examined the thin sheet of paper carefully, pursing her lips.

“It’s still sixty-nine even if it’s upside down for you,” a male laughed.

“I’m just making sure the sign flatters my figure, Nick,” she answered nonchalantly.

“Well, sideways it’s Cancer.”

Diamond flipped out her phone casually. “Hold still.” She snapped a picture of Nick again and starting texting.

“Who are you sending all this to, anyway?”

“Lancy.” Diamond gave Nick’s butt a short pat. “Wearing the boxers now?”

“What if I wasn’t?” Nick gave her a quick grin.

Diamond ran her hand through her hair lightly. “Well, Lancy gave me the best idea for a song, so I kinda want to audition now.”

“And what song would that be?” Nick crossed his arms.

Diamond winked and put her finger to her lips. “It’s a secret.”

Nick pouted slightly. “Tell me.”

“Entry number 006969,” a male voice called.

Diamond let out a tiny squeal. “Wish me luck, Nick.”

“Just don’t suck like usual,” Nick smirked.

“It’s a proven fact that my sucking is extremely popular.” Diamond stuck her tongue out. She then sauntered over to the door being held open by the production assistant, flashing him a smile. As she walked through the door, his head cocked a bit, watching her hips shake with her seductive walk. Nick couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

Diamond stood in front of the judges and flashed her smile. “I’m Desiree DuBaiser, and I’ll be singing ‘Hey Mickey’.”

The British judge rolled his eyes and muttered a sarcastic, “Lovely.”

But the female judge in the middle of the panel beamed and nodded perkily. “Great song choice! Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart.”

Diamond put her hands on her hips and gave a suggestive little twirl. And began her meager attempt at dance moves; she was really only good at bump and grind anyway. “Oh Nicky, you're so fine…”

“You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey Nicky!
Hey Nicky!
Oh Nicky, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey Nicky!
Hey Nicky!
Oh Nicky, you're so fine,
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey Nicky!”


Diamond turned back to face the judges and gave a little shimmy and a big grin. “Hey Nicky!” She began concocting a dance involving a lot of pirouettes, shimmying, and butt shaking.

“You've been around all night and that's a little long,
You think you've got the right, but I think you've got it wrong.
Why can't you say ‘goodnight,’ so you can take me home, Nicky?
’Cause when you say you will, it always means you won't
You're givin’ me the chills, baby, please baby don't
Every night you still leave me all alone, Nicky.”


Around the chorus, she changed her improvisational butt shaking into a choreographed dance by putting her hand against her forehead and seeming to let out a sigh. Her dance became cute rather than seductive. “Oh Nicky, what a pity you don't understand…”

"You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
Oh Nicky, you're so pretty, can’t you understand?
It’s guys like you, Nicky
Oh what you do, Nicky
Do Nicky
Don't break my heart, Nicky”


A grin spread across her face as she began strutting toward the judges. “Hey Nicky!” She leaned against the table and began thrusting her hips. She then proceeded to climb on the table and put her hands on the slightly overweight, African American male judge’s shoulders while giving him some sort of table-top impromptu lap dance. “Now when you take me by the hooves…”

“Everyone's gonna know
Every time you move I let a little more show
There's something we can use, so don't say no, Nicky!”


She then crawled over to the British one and repeated her previous display, going as far putting her hands upon his chest. “So come on and give it to me…”

“Anyway you can
Anyway you want to do it, I’ll treat you like a man
Oh please, baby please, don't leave me in a jam, Nicky!”


She put her hands to her heart again as she leaned in closer to older British evaluator. “Oh Nicky, what a pity you don't understand, you take me by the heart…”

He put his hand to her face to stop her singing.

“Desiree, Desiree, Desiree…” Repeating Diamond’s first name, the heavyset black judge shook his head and frowned. “I dunno what’s going on here, but wow… sorry, but that just wasn’t good for me.”

But the perky female judge next to him was all smiles. “I loved your enthusiasm! You put such great energy and spirit into that performance, I think every girl in the room fell in love with ‘Nicky.’”

Listening outside the audition room, Nick groaned.

“… and you’re such a beautiful girl,” the woman continued to gush. “We’re not just looking for a good singer; we’re looking for a performer, and I think you’ve got real star potential. You’re a born entertainer.”

“Okay, Paulette,” the older British judge cut her off in his dry, lolling voice. “Now for some meaningful feedback. Honestly, I thought it was abysmal. You were off-key, it was a poor song choice; even the dancing wasn’t very good. But…” He paused dramatically and arched his brow before finishing, “You’re a pretty girl, and I think you do have a way of captivating your audience, so… I’d like to see what you’d do with a better song. You’re through to the next round.”


± ± ±


The two agents sat, eyes trained on the rows of monitors in front of them, all displaying footage from the hidden cameras they had planted inside the Global Idol auditions. But so far, they hadn’t picked up much of interest, and the dark-haired agent was getting bored. His brown eyes were starting to glaze, while his female companion’s remained sharp, and his butt was growing alarmingly numb. He rose from his swiveling armchair and tried to rub it discretely.

He heard a snicker next to him and turned to find her laughing at him. “Got an itch down there?”

“No,” he snapped and sat down hard, fuming. She must not have known what it felt like to have your butt fall asleep. She had enough junk in her trunk, it probably never happened to her. She had a built-in cushion. Beneath his muscle, he was all bone.

“When are they going to get in? This is bullshit,” he said, trying to take the attention off his rear end as he gestured to the monitors.

All day, they’d watched audition after bad audition play out in the MGM Grand. It pained him to see the contestants mocked and humiliated by the snarky judges. He knew what it was like to be told you weren’t good enough. It hurt. And they were using it as entertainment. If he’d had his way, his agency would have nothing to do with this obnoxious show, but then again, it was a worldwide phenomenon. Of course a villainous organization would want to infiltrate it; they could reach half the world through this show. And so, here he was, watching the cameras and waiting for something to happen.

Suddenly, the woman next to him drew in a sharp breath. “Lookie here,” she said. “We’re in.”

He looked up and saw a familiar-looking blonde sashaying onto the audition stage. Suddenly alert, his brown eyes grew large and round.

Then, “Look!” A clawed hand grabbed his chin and turned his face toward a different camera. As his companion pointed with one long fingernail, he saw what he was supposed to be looking at: the male figure skulking through the shadows in the back of the audition room, heading for the sound booth.

“It’s started,” he observed, eyes flitting anxiously between the dark figure on one camera and the blonde agent screeching an obnoxious rendition of “Hey Mickey!” on the other. “And it looks like we’ve got company.”


± ± ±
Idolize Me: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
Diamond bounded out of the room and quickly ran to Nick. “I get to go to the finals!”

Nick crossed his arms as a scowl covered his face, “‘Hey Nicky,’ huh?”

“It was Lancy’s idea!” Diamond chirped. “Oh! I should text him!” She pulled out her phone and proceeded to type on the keypad.

“You were flirting with other men while singing my name!” Nick spat, pulling her phone from her.

Diamond looked up into his eyes; they almost burned in anger. He put his hand on her shoulder.

“Entry number 006913,” the male voice called again.

Nick grumbled, slowly removing his hand from her shoulder and phone. He stuck his hands in his pockets as he shuffled toward the open door.

Nick faked a smile for the judges. “My name is Nick Carter, and I will be singing…” He paused momentarily; Lancy had given Diamond an idea, but he had no plan at all! He put his hand to his head and spit out, “an untitled song.”

“Interesting…” murmured the heavy judge, studying him carefully through his glasses.

“Very well. Off you go,” came the British judge’s curt command.

Nick searched his head for the first line that came to mind. “If you want it to be good, girl, get yourself a bad boy!” Nick paused momentarily, and then began doing some sort of pop-locking dance with pelvic thrusts. Something he found to be truly ingenious for having just come up with the song he sang. “If you want it to be wild…”

“Gotta know just who to dial, baby (that's me)
If you really like it hot
Get someone who hits the spot, honey (oh yes)”


Nick spotted a folding chair leaning against the wall. He strutted over to it as though it had been his plan to grab it all along. “And if you want it to get done…”

“Babe, you gotta get the one
The one who's got it goin' on
If you wanna make it last
Gotta know just who to ask
Babe, he's gotta be the best (tonight it's me)”


Nick unfolded the flimsy metal chair and gave it a swift kick. “If you want it to be good, girl, get yourself a bad boy!” He then started a dance that involved a little kicking the chair, and a little picking up the chair, and a little walking away with the chair. He continued his previous awkward, split-second dance from before he spied the chair. He also proceeded to hump the chair at one point. “If you really want it good girl, get yourself a bad boy…”

“Get it like it could be, would be
Yeah, like it should be
If you want it to be good, girl
Get yourself a bad boy
If you like it innovative
Better get someone creative, honey (yes)
And if you want it to be jammin'
Gotta get somebody slammin’, baby (oh yeah)”


The judges stared at Nick, completely speechless.

Seeing their impressed - disgusted was probably a better word - reactions, Nick continued his impromptu song and dance. “And if you want it to get done…”

“Babe, you gotta get the one
The one who's got it goin' on
If you wanna make it last
Gotta know just who to ask
Babe, he's gotta be the best (tonight it's me)
If you want it to be good, girl
Get yourself a bad boy
If you really want it good, girl
Get yourself a bad boy
Get it like it could be, would be
Yeah, like it should be
If you want it to be good, girl
Get yourself a bad boy"


He then walked over to female evaluator and leaned against her section of the table, letting out a low chuckle. “Now listen: these are things your mama shouldn't know…”

“These are things I really wanna show
These are things I wanna show you how
So won't you let me show you right now? (ooh baby)
And if you want it to get done…”
Babe, you gotta get the one
The one who's got it goin' on
If you wanna make it last
Gotta know just who to ask
Babe, he's gotta be the best (tonight it's me)
If you want it to be good, girl
Get yourself a bad boy
If you really want it good, girl
Get yourself a bad boy
Get it like it could be, would be
Yeah, like it should be
If you want it to be good, girl
Get yourself a bad boy
If you really want it good…”


The British critic finally put his hand up to stop Nick’s display.

“Wow… I dunno, dawg,” said the first judge, shaking his head critically. “That song was just weird, man. But look, man, check it out – the singing actually wasn’t too bad. I kinda like your voice; I think you’ve got some talent, dawg. I’ll say yes, but pick a better song next time, dawg.”

“Well, I thought the whole performance was fantastic!” exclaimed the female judge, her dark eyes shining as she looked upon Nick in admiration. “You have a real talent! You’re a natural performer; I loved the choreography! And your voice is just orgasmic…

“Okay, Paulette!” interjected the British man loudly, his eyes widening. Chuckling, he shook his head at Nick and said, “If this were a dancing competition, it’d be a no from me. The choreography reminded me of some horrid boyband from the late nineties. If it were a songwriting competition, it’d be a definite no. The song was appalling. But… it’s a singing competition, and you can sing. So it’s a yes. And I’ll agree with Randolph – you’d be smart to pick a much better song for the next audition.”

Smirking, Nick nodded and left the stage. How had he managed to pull that off?


± ± ±


"Still got an itch down there?" she asked, tinkering with a new weapon before her, having set aside the in progress automatic bra due to a mental block on how to work a problem out. Now the female agent had a stylish hat sitting before her. One of her superior's, actually. She tapped her fingers against the metal shimmering desk before her, wondering how she was going to accomplish the image she had in mind. An artist really, when it came to coming up with these ideas of hers.

The male agent turned, with a raised brow, away from the screen, and she smirked in response. He was far too entertained by the images before him.

"No, not anymore. Heh, man has his needs too."

"Any sign of the figure you thought might be the guest our lovely blonde duo are looking for?"

He chuckled as he scratched his arm, before rubbing the goatee he had growing. "Funny you tease them about that."

"Exception here."

"Funny though."

"Oh shush, at least we know they're in."

He snickered to himself. "And how they got in. Did you see her?"

Her blue eyes focused once more on the object before her. "Yes, but I didn't stare like you did."

"Nah, your eyes were turned towards Nick more."

"Oh, was not. Out of concern, purely. Didn't know he had such a voice, though; boy never shows it off."

"Right, change the subject."

"Heh." Her gaze went back on the hat. She picked it up and started turning it around in her hands. Now, how to get a razorblade discreetly in the bill area of the fedora...

Jay's voice got her attention. "Isn't that one of mine?"

Pearl grinned a bit, still examining the onyx-colored fedora hat before her, the flawless white feather tucked along the side of it sliding against her slender fingers. "Got an idea for it. Any sign of the company you spotted yet?"

The dark-haired superior agent shook his head as he turned his attention back to the monitor. "Not yet. Could have been seeing things; I don't think my agents spotted it either."

"You likely did see something; you've been in the game longer, trained us..."

He tapped his fingers against the metal of the table, much like the companion nearby had been doing moments before. "That, or I'm worried."

"It’s natural. Trust me. I'm like that right now too."

"You? You've been like that since the incident. You and Nick both."

"And you haven't?" she pointed out.

"Not as bad," he retorted.

She shook her head and got her tools out, again unwilling to discuss it. "Let’s just focus on what needs to be done."


± ± ±


Nick tried to listen to the judges intently, but a slight motion in the back caught his eye. A shadow near the sound control panel behind the judges. Nick opened his mouth slightly, beginning to pull his gun from his pocket, before coming to the realization that he was trying to not draw attention to himself. The only good point about pulling out that gun would be that he could finish his domino project back at Himitsu Takana. Nick turned back to the judges, keeping the figure in his peripheral vision. To insinuate his focus, Nick gave a few nods here and there.

Nick bolted out of the room to find Diamond. “Di—” He stopped himself abruptly. “Desiree!”

Diamond looked up from her phone, seeing Nick’s energetic running and shouting. She gave him a gleaming smile. “You made it too! Let’s get drinks and a hotel room and celebrate!”

Nick shook his head. “Yes, but no.”

Diamond pouted. “No?”

Nick wrapped his arm around her. “Well… I can’t resist that face…” Nick hit himself in the head. “What am I doing?”

“Buying me dinner,” Diamond piped up.

“No, I mean…” Nick put his head in his hand for a minute. “There was someone messing with the sound panel!”

“The sound panel?” Diamond puzzled. She gasped in surprise, covering her mouth with her hand. “You mean the people that are infiltrating the competition have struck?”

Nick nodded.

Diamond looked around. “How do we get there?” She then pointed to the door. “There?”

“Quietly,” Nick nodded. “As much as I miss my dominoes, I’m not going back to HimTak.”

“You played with dominoes?” Diamond squealed.

Nick put his hand over her mouth and shook his head. “I’ll explain tonight.”

“In bed?” Diamond’s muffled voice broke through his hand.

“Wherever you want,” Nick whispered, winking as he pulled his gun from his pocket. His other hand remained over Diamond’s mouth.

“This is a nice fantasy,” she mused, “being kidnapped by Agent 008. Can we play this tonight?”

“Yes, and it’s 00Carter!” Nick hissed. He pulled the door lightly, and the two stalked through the shadows quietly. The current audition was ending poorly.

“What was that?!” the dry, English-accented voice sputtered. “That was quite possibly the worst audition I have ever witnessed. Are you serious?”

The poor girl on stage was quickly reduced to tears. It was painful to watch.

Nick looked up to where he had seen the shadowed figure. Nothing. He let out a growl. Where could the shadow have gone? He clenched his fist. This mission was his chance to prove himself, and already he was getting distracted by playing sex games with Diamond and posing as an idol. He had even gone so far as composing and choreographing a song while he was in the process of singing it! K would love this; he’d call him a disgrace for sure. And then he’d be stuck back at Himitsu Takana trying to line dominoes all through the building. Of course, K would have discovered the dominoes by then, and he’d have to find some new activity to occupy his time! If they didn’t lock him in his office while wearing a straight jacket first…

When the next contestant began, Nick dragged Diamond from the room while putting his gun back in his pocket. No sound emitted from his motions. Once outside, he frivolously checked the time on his watch. After remembering it was incapable of telling time, he managed to find the communicator once more. “Pearl!” he shouted, “Pearl, what’s the time?!” He hit his head again. “I mean… Pearl, we have a problem!”


± ± ±


She glanced up from her computer. She had been trying to figure out how long it would take the infiltrators to get the hypnotic device to work, if her theory on it was correct, that was. If she only knew who was leading the enemy's operation, she could try and track them on her computer and see if she could hack her way into data on it, or at least some kind of blueprints for the hypnotic device they would be using. For now, all she had were theories, and it irked her greatly.

Her superior used his chair to roll towards the screen and bring back Nick and Diamond as the sole camera focus on the monitor. After all, they were the main focus at the moment. Before they had brought them into focus, the main screen had been split between all the agents out at the moment, so one could view all missions in progress if he or she wished.

Pearl touched her headset idly. "Relax. Oh, and it’s 9 p.m., by the way. What's the problem?"

"They struck, or at least started to," Nick replied as he started scanning the area, wondering how they had possibly tampered with the system. He and Diamond were both unsure if the figure had actually done it, or if he had run off at the sound or sight of Nick.

Diamond smirked as she ran her hand along the complicated sound system, keeping an eye out for anyone seeing two "contestants" out where they weren't supposed to be. She'd handle it, male or female, easily; nothing a little flirting couldn't solve if that tiny problem arose. Still, it'd be nicer if it didn't at all. Nick would likely love it if a female found them, though, and Diamond put her flirting skills to play... now there was a fun game to play. Another time, of course.

"When did this happen?" Pearl asked, bringing the attention of both agents back to where it should be.

"Towards the end of my audition," the male replied as he started checking out the sound device more closely. "I'd tell you when, but my watch doesn't tell time, remember?"

The agent next to her snickered as he heard Nick. "Watch that doesn't tell time, huh?"

A glare aimed at him from the intelligent female got him to silence his chuckles. "Shush, Blondie. Jay, don't even go there."

"How can a watch not tell time?"

Diamond raised a brow as she listened to the noise emitting from the watch. "Your watch doesn't tell time?"

"Can we lay off the watch? It does everything else under the sun," she pouted. "00Carter, were you facing this direction when you saw the enemy strike?"

He nodded. "Yeah, which wasn't easy while I was supposed to be paying attention to snotty judges."

Jay went to another computer that was hooked up to the camera system. He and K both knew the basics of bringing up the camera feed; they had to, though Pearl by default knew the most, since she had upgraded it soon after she had first taken over the science department. He started skimming back towards Nick's audition and paused when he thought he saw some sort of figure beyond where the judges were sitting. He waved Pearl over. “Looks like that's him." He had the computer zoom in on the image, but, unfortunately, the features couldn't be made out because Nick had been too far away. However, they had gotten the time. 8:35 p.m. "Think you can hack into their camera system and find him?"

She stretched a bit, cracking her back against her chair. "I can, but it might take a few. With this contest, they probably have more security walls than the CIA does for their entire system."

"Get to it."

She rolled the chair back to her own computer and started typing furiously. "It’s kind of sad, really, since it’s a TV show made to mock everyone, and they protect it more than governments protect their secrets. 'Cause we all know knowing the winner too soon will cause the end of the world sooner than secret locations of weaponry and terrorist bases."

Nick snickered. "Or instructions on how to make watches that don't tell time."

"Watch it, or you can walk home."

Jay chuckled. "You two keep an eye out. Diamond, go back to where the other contestants are and see if you can find anything. We'll send you the information as soon as we get it. Nick, make sure your camera takes the entire sound system in so we can see if we can find any abnormalities. Any new CDs in, any new songs programmed, anything new or different, point it out."

The female agent was silent but for the sound of her slender fingers tapping against the keys of her keyboard, her eyes focused on the screen, decoding as fast as she could so she could hack into the system at MGM Grand Casino's camera and security system. Despite how the TV show would have a lockdown on everything, they might not have covered every camera in the casino, and that was what she was counting on. If they had, that meant more work trying to drill a hole through the many protective walls they undoubtedly had guarding recordings of the show.

"I don't see anything different. I think he caught my gaze earlier and split before changing anything."

"Alright, 008-"

"00Carter!"

"Did you catch any details on him that might be useful?" He scratched his tanned arm, knowing they had to nip this operation in the bud, and quietly as well.

"I think he had blonde hair."

"Well that narrows it down," Pearl quipped as she kept typing.

"I ain't done; blond hair, skinny frame, sort of like...the old 009's, but this guy looked uglier from a distance."

She winced at the mention, but continued listening to Nick as she got further into the system. "Continue."

"Might have been wearing blue, not sure, it’s pretty dark back here."

Jay jotted this down. "If nothing else, this is a start. Have you seen him audition yet?"

Nick paused before part of the audio controls. "I didn't recognize him, so I don't think so."

"Alright, watch the rest of the-"

"Got it!" she exclaimed next to the superior above her, turning the screen towards him.

"It’s not that clear."

"Blame the lighting. It’s better than the other, and you get a better idea of the features here. I can start running scans to see if it matches anyone signed up to audition at Global Idol, if I can ever get into their files. The casino is one thing; the Global Idol database might be harder. I'm sending the picture to the watch, which should print out a picture that's about half the size of a wallet size. Hence why it can't tell time. Diamond will get a copy through her phone. I'm focusing it as much as I can, but it’s still a bit blurry."

"You have your suspect; now get to it," Jay commanded before the woman beside him shut off her communication link.

She continued typing, already trying to see if she could get into the show's system, knowing the time it would take her. He was digging through the files on their own database, seeing if it might match anyone the agency had encountered before. The two were determined to help their agents find their man, no matter who tried to stop them. They were going to eliminate anyone who wanted to get in the way. Anyone.


± ± ±
Idolize Me: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
Nick continued to sift through the database, every so often sneaking peeks at the woman beside him. He didn’t know why she had to be so difficult sometimes; if she just went along with him more, things would go a lot smoother.

Looking down at his watch, Nick pulled up the picture that Pearl had sent to him.

“Here…” Diamond announced, taking the watch off him and holding it up so they could both see it better.

Nick looked the picture over. The person didn’t really look that familiar, no one special or out of the ordinary, really.

“Well, what do you think?”

He shrugged. “I dunno really; doesn’t look familiar to me. Then again, the quality isn‘t that great either.”

“Yeah, but it‘s the best we‘ve got right now,” Diamond sighed, turning back to the screen, typing frantically.

Nick went back to his searching, and a few minutes later, Diamond announced that the information had been received from Pearl.

“Look, there they are!” she announced, pointing at the screen.

Nick wheeled over, and they stared at the screen as the person made their way through the hall, obviously with a specific destination in mind.

“I’ve managed to track the exact location; we should probably get going,” Diamond announced, standing suddenly and hurrying to the door, Nick following her.

“Uhh, Di, not trying to be an ass here, but how are we supposed to find this person? Where the hell are we going?”

“I’ve programmed a copy of the layout that Pearl sent over, and I‘ve printed it out,” Diamond explained, holding up a piece of paper. “Give me a little credit,” she groaned.

“Shut up,” Nick mumbled.

They quickly made their way around, Diamond leading them into the auditorium.

“We have to cross the stage and head on back; it looks like the suspect is making his way towards the back of the auditorium. Hurry, Nick!”


± ± ±


“We’ve got trouble.”

She looked at her superior, and when he glanced up, she pointed to what she had seen on the camera feeds. On one screen, the two blonde agents of Himitsu Takana, making their way into the auditorium. On the other, their man, already at the back of the large performance hall.

His brown eyes flitted between the two screens, watching the chase play out.

They were close, but he was moving fast. There was still a chance he could escape the agents. But if they caught him… if they caught him…

All Himitsu Takana agents were well-trained, in interrogation techniques and, well, everything. If they caught him, the two 00s just might be able to get important information out of him.

He leaned forward anxiously, drumming his fingertips together.

The two agents were scurrying across the back of the stage now, trying to get to the other side of the auditorium. He glanced to the other screen to see where their man had gotten to. Was he still in the auditorium? At first, he could not see the dark, grainy figure and thought, perhaps, that he had already pushed through the door in the far back corner and disappeared. But a follow-up sweep of the monitors revealed a hint of motion in the second to last row of seats. There, caught by the rear camera’s lens, a shadowy figure crouched, out of sight from the two agents.

Not taking his eyes off the monitor, he hissed to his female companion, “Get him back on the line, now.”

His pretty partner set to work at once, her long fingernails clicking away on the keyboard. Moments later, their blonde protégée’s face appeared on the computer monitor.

“In case you weren’t watching, your boy’s hiding in the back of the auditorium, behind the second to last row of seats,” he informed his agent in a low, deliberate voice. “Don’t attract too much attention to yourself, not with all these people around, but keep an eye on him. Don’t let him out of your sight.”

“I’m on it, boss,” the blonde agent nodded, sounding cocky and bored.

His brown eyes narrowed; he didn’t like the attitude. Maybe he’d been wrong to send Golden Boy on this mission. The latter was well-trained, and he was good; there was no doubt about it. But maybe he wasn’t yet in the right emotional state to serve the organization in this way. Maybe the young hotshot thought he was somehow above this, too good for this kind of mission.

He frowned. If there was one thing he hated, it was people who acted as if they were better than him, especially when it wasn’t true. He knew it wasn’t true. He was every bit as good as them, even if they had never seen it.

“Hm, look at this.” His companion’s voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts. “Saved by the judges, I guess?”

His eyes returned to the feed from the cameras. Nick had moved to the center of the stage, right out in front of everyone. He had a microphone with him. Apparently it was time for his “audition.” And there was no getting out of it if he wanted to look legit.

So one agent was temporarily out of commission, but there was still another. Diamond Divine had crept off the stage and was somewhere in the wings, out of sight.

Watching the cameras closely, he held his breath and waited to see what she would do.


± ± ±


Diamond sprinted across the stage, Nick close on her heels.

“Next up is…Carter…Nick Carter,” one of the judges sitting in the audience called out just as Nick made his way across the stage.

Nick slid to a stop. “Huh?”

“Excuse me, are you Mr. Carter? Nick Carter?”

Nick grinned suddenly. “Why yes… yes I am. I’m Carter…Nick Carter.” Finally, someone had gotten it right.

Diamond rolled her eyes from her position offstage.

“Okay, you’re next then. Please make your way center stage, and when your music cues, you can start.”

“Uhh, I…I can’t right…”

“Please start the music for Nick Carter!”

Nick looked over at Diamond, who gestured for him to go on as she started to make her way around the auditorium slowly. Looking around as he made his way center stage, he took the mic from the stand in front of him and started to sing, keeping a watchful eye on Diamond.

Another night in any town, you can hear the thunder of their cry. Ahead of their time, they wonder why,” he sang

Turning, he made his way to the right of the stage so he could continue to watch Diamond. “In the shadows of a golden age, a generation waits for dawn. Brave carry on, bold and the strong,” Nick sang, his eyes widening when he noticed the suspect move from his hiding spot and head towards the exit of the auditorium.

Suddenly, Nick pointed towards the back of the auditorium, trying to get Diamonds attention, and then quickly looked over at the judges, who were starting to turn in their seats and look at the back of the auditorium. “Only the young can say, they're free to fly away. Sharing the same desires, burnin' like wildfire,” Nick sang as he executed a perfect dive roll when he noticed the person lift what looked like a gun. He could barely make it out, but it looked as if a silencer was attached.

Moving into a squat position, Nick started to crawl across the stage towards the edge. “They're seein' through the promises and all the lies they dare to tell. Is it heaven or hell? They know very well…” He stood suddenly, his eyes widening as a young woman, whom Nick assumed to be a stagehand, made her way behind him. She was holding some kind of prop. He looked over and noticed the suspect lift his gun again, aiming at him. Reaching out, Nick grabbed the girl suddenly; she dropped the cardboard cut-out and let out a soft squeal. Dropping down to one knee with her, Nick sang the next lines again.

“Only the young can say, they're free to fly away. Sharing the same desires, burnin' like wildfire,” he sang, winking at the girl before pulling her into his arms and standing back up, spinning them around so he could look back out at the auditorium. Diamond had managed to catch up with the guy, hiding behind him.

Nick quickly let the girl go. Taking her hand, he managed to lead her off the stage before heading back towards center stage, while still watching Diamond.

“Only the young can say…only the young can say… only the young can say…” Nick finished, as he set the mic back on the stand, his arms spread open wide.

There was dead silence in the auditorium before someone cleared their throat.

“I have to say, that that has to be one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen,” the British judge announced. “In any case, thank you, we’ll let you know.”

Nick, who was still watching Diamond, mumbled a distracted “thanks” before hurrying off the stage and all the way towards the back of the auditorium.

“Hold it right there,” Nick called, pulling his gun out and aiming it at the guy who was now trying to make his way out.

Diamond joined Nick, coming up beside him.

“Great performance. You’re such a Steve Perry wannabe.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Hey buddy, I said freeze!”

The guy turned.

“Who are you? Who do you work for?” Nick pressed.

The guy just stared at him.

Diamond, who also had her gun focused on him, took a step closer. “Look, you can make this easy, or you can make it hard; it’s up to you.”

The guy stared at them for a moment before responding, “I would think it quite obvious. I work for FANS; my name is DC.”

Nick glanced at Diamond and then back at DC. “DC, is it?”

“That’s what I said, didn’t I?”

“Shut up! Tell me…”

“Well, I can’t tell you if I’m supposed to shut up, right?” DC smirked.

Nick exhaled loudly, and Diamond cleared her throat.

“Anyway, what are you doing here? Why were you trying to kill Nick?”

“Hey, why are we assuming it was just me he was trying to off here?” Nick frowned.

“’Cause he couldn’t see me, Nick.”

“Does it really matter? In the end, you’re both gonna get it.”

“From who? And why?” Nick inquired.

“Simple, there’s…”

DC was cut short suddenly as his body jerked, and he slumped to the floor.

“What the hell?” Diamond called, backing up as someone emerged from the shadows, gun in hand, and into the light.

Nick gasped.

“It’s you!” Diamond cried.

He gave a single nod. “Diamond…” He looked over at Nick. “Nick.”

“Justin.”


± ± ±
Remember Me: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana


"Nick."

“Justin.”


"Nick… Justin… “

“Guys! Come on, Project Scythe has to be in here somewhere!" Pearl cried ahead of them, weapons in hand, a leather toolkit swinging around her waist, adorned with what she would need to deactivate the very thing their mission was after. Justin was next to him as they ran through the dark halls, the power disabled thanks to their scientist partner for the mission. Jay was ahead of them, fighting terrorist members left and right, providing their distraction while they had shut the power down. The trio of friends glanced to the one female as she gazed down at a small handheld device that beeped shrilly as they grew closer to their goal.

"Left hall..."

Justin glanced at her and Nick, who had an automatic, personalized for him by their friend, ready in his hands. "Yo, how long do you think we got before these dawgs try to make Swiss cheese outta us?"

"Twenty minutes tops, Drums," Nick replied as they began hurrying down a new direction. "They mean business. They need to get laid."

"Is everything about sex?" A chuckle came from Pearl. "And you wonder why I say ‘Mambo No. 5’ fits you..."

Footsteps came from behind them, and the three sharply ducked down as their hands instinctively aimed their weapons at the figure before them, until they realized who it was. Nick stood along with them with obvious relief at their mentor being before them rather than the enemy. Agent Jay tilted down the night vision sunglasses he wore, coffee eyes watching them in question.

"Are we close?"

The scientist checked once more as they weaved their way through the darker depths of the building. The two blonde males put on night vision sunglasses to improve their vision in the cold, dank place. "Pretty close; the signal is getting stronger. Once we're in the room with It, I can lock it down."

"Let’s move it then..." A smirk appeared on their superior's face as he rubbed his goatee thoughtfully. "If we can make it back to the States by tomorrow, I might get a quickie with Emerald before she's off on her mission."

"Boys... lord."

Snickers came from around Pearl, and she almost jumped when her device began chirping as it vibrated sporadically in her hands. They entered a small room, seemingly once used as a medical laboratory of sorts. Now its only use was for a terrorist plot that could put the world in peril beyond anyone's imagining. The only sound once Pearl was able to silence the chirping came from the rusty pipes dripping idly as a putrid smell began to float faintly in the air.

"Man, what died?! NICK!"

Nick rolled his eyes as he kept his gun trained. His curly-haired, blonde partner stood near the pipes, snickering. "Not me," Nick replied, his eyes narrowing.

Pearl crouched down near a floor vent as she fiddled with the handheld, Jay kneeling beside her. “You two, eyes sharp for anyone not us. Once we get it done, I’ll set the time bomb and we bolt like bats outta hell.”

The two nodded in reply as they stood still in the shadows. “Yes, sir.”

“Alright, once I lock the signal down on it, I can release that sonic charge at it and fry the system. I know it’s down there, but its being worse than one of Nick’s one night stands in committing to its signal location. I can‘t blast it till I know ‘cause this baby‘s only got enough juice for the one shot.”

“We don’t have much time; we need this done fast.”

Justin smirked as he gazed at his fellow 00-Agent. “So guess who I had fun trying to tame last night? Your favorite agent, Diamond Divine…” he whispered into his Communi-com device, the little microphones and ear buds equipped on them for this mission.

Nick rolled his eyes and decided not to respond. Justin was his friend, had been since the beginning, when they’d joined Himitsu Takana at the same time. They had bonded over basic training and had been friends ever since. Sometimes, however, Nick felt Justin always wanted what he had, and it secretly infuriated him. Still, Justin was almost like a brother, as close as you could get to family inside Himitsu Takana, anyway. But the rage remained.

Sure, he knew Diamond wasn’t his; their relationship was purely casual sex and flirting. Yet it felt like Justin only did it because Diamond had a liking for Nick in particular. Sometimes, as good a friend as 009 was, Nick wanted nothing else but to see Drums gone.

Pearl’s voice caught their attention for a moment. “Finally! Got the little squirming bastard – must be sewers below shifting it around. Didn’t figure that for a random abandoned building in the middle east… heh.”

“Don’t assume.”

An almost inaudible piercing high note of sound filled their ears, followed by a heavy feeling in the air as they felt the electricity travel around them. She had set off the sonic charge towards Project Scythe.

“Yes! That baby is fried. Set the bomb, Jay, we’re ready to blow.”

“Done, we have fifteen minutes to get our asses out of-”

A shot rang out within the darkness, interrupting Jay, followed by wild screams. Nick threw the gun he had used just then down on the floor, covering his face as a fiery red fluid burst from the pipes, hitting his upper right arm. He couldn’t help but scream out in pain as the intense burning attacked his upper right shoulder without a thought of mercy. His cries of pain blended with Justin’s own as the now apparent chemicals splashed against his very face.

“Oh my god, that’s Phoenix Suicide! Guys get down!” Pearl screamed out, not caring who heard them now. Phoenix Suicide was a chemical newly formed for biological warfare technology. Not much was known yet, except for its deadly nature.

“Shit, Pearl, don’t go near them, or you’ll get hit too,” Jay growled at her, pulling her back by her arm as she was forced to watch her two friends suffer until Nick finally regained his senses and pulled Justin along behind him, away from the broken pipes. Agent Jay just nodded.

“We’ll take care of it outside; we have little time!”

They ran through the halls, as shots flew like scattering birds around them. Jay shot without feeling or remorse, it seemed to Nick, as his arm throbbed to the beat of its own drum. He had been lucky; not much had hit him compared to Justin, who was being dragged along behind him. When he had shot that bullet, he hadn’t meant for this. Oh god… what had he done to him!?

They raced out of the building, in need of air to breathe. As they finally paused to catch their breath behind some rundown homes a ways away, the place they just escaped from exploded and was consumed by greedy flames. Nick watched it burn as stars twinkled above them, almost mocking the idea of them having a night that was anything but peaceful. Yet their mission was accomplished.

His hand covered the arm that tortured him now. Always, there was a price.

A gasp escaped the scientist, and Nick’s ocean eyes met Justin’s, but not for long.

“My god…Ju…your head!” she cried as he shrieked in immense agony. His head had begun to swell at a frightening pace. His blonde curls were drenched red, looking as if they had been dunked in fruit punch. But in the much crueler reality, they’d been soaked by the Phoenix Suicide. His right eye began to bulge as the pressure from the swelling head continued. Pearl and Jay were frantically looking for a toxin in her kit to try and slow it down.

“My god…JuJu… Jay we need to contact Jewel and now… we have nothing here to slow it down. She needs to help us until we get back to HimTak!”

“We’ll contact The Rok and see if he can get a jet sent our way since we don’t have ours yet. We’ll get back as soon as we can.”

“Fuck, dawgs, my eye!” Only Nick saw the gruesome event that happened next. His right eye, getting squeezed ever so painfully, began to fill with the redness of Justin’s own blood, accompanied by howls that resembled a wild animal’s when caught in a steel trap.

He had done this to him, all because of one moment of emotional stupidity. It was his fault… all his fault…



Nick shook his head, wanting to forget the memory of how it happened. His first mission back, and he had to face what he had done to a man whom he had once almost called a brother. Jealousy was so petty. Justin’s life had been ruined beyond compare.

Now he stood before him, shockingly enough, with metal robotics replacing what had been done by the chemical in the mission that felt like years ago, when really, it had only been months.

“Fancy meeting you here, Drums.”

“008... and my inadequate replacement… heh, Diamond Divine, the vixen of HimTak. Or should I say slut?”

Diamond crossed her arms over the breasts that were begging to pop out of her tight little shirt. “I don’t like having to beat up men who slept with me... and who were actually good, but I’ll make the exception for ya.”

“You’re going to fight me? Me? Yo, dawgs, I was your bro once. You gonna diss me like that and try to knock me down?” Justin always had reverted to ghetto imitation slang just before he was about to get some action on a mission, or when he was excited and happy. His trademark was that, actually. But a fire of hatred burned within his steely blue eye in a way Nick had never seen in Justin before; that made it clear it wasn't the latter.

He took a breath sharply. “What do you know about this FANS, Justin?”

“FANS? Oh, FANS are the ones who didn’t try to ruin me, and now are off to bring down those standing against them, 008. I have a whole new life now; they saw the wicked skills you didn‘t.”

Nick had the gun in his hand aimed at the one before him, his finger pulling the trigger. A sharp kick knocked it out and went for his throat next. He did a back flip, his hand reaching for the gun he’d lost on the floor, as Diamond went for the attack, keeping Justin somewhat distracted.

Nick stood as he wiped his brow, aiming his gun. A bullet rang out across the room, missing his old friend by an inch alone, hitting the wall next to the sound equipment. Voices could be heard in the distance, growing closer with every step their ears could catch in the air.

Justin smirked smugly as he reached for an abnormally hefty sandbag that was tied to a rope next to the curtains, hanging from the catwalk. He grabbed on as he rose quickly in the air after the shift in weight.

“Been fun! You’ll remember this as the time when J to da Timbalake beat yo asses!” he called out and then vanished in the shadows as if he were never there.

People came as Diamond covered for them with a story she made up as she went along. She was always good like that.

Nick’s thoughts went back to the one who had once been his partner, before Diamond had risen to her 00-Agent status. Why was he here? Where had he been since his injury during that mission?

One thing was true: the hatred against him was evident. And the saddest thing for Nick was that he couldn’t blame him, after what he had done to a man he’d once called friend.


± ± ±


The two agents sat behind the female one’s flat screen, their eyes locked on the image of the two agents on the field that appeared in front of them. Jay and Pearl both watched the agents lower their gun as the image that slowly made his way out of the darkness.

Jay’s eyes locked on the figure, which nodded and acknowledged the two agents standing before him. At the same time, the same words poured from Jay’s lips.

“Justin.”

A sharp silence fell to the room where the two agents were positioned behind the screen. From the corner of his eye, Jay saw that Pearl was in total shock, her hand covering her pretty lips and her eyes examining every inch of the screen, as if trying to absorb the image that appeared in front of her. He could understand how she felt; heck, he felt just the same, he was sure. A deep guilt washed over his body inch by inch; he could feel it so solidly, that inevitable feeling of guilt and regret capturing his soul. It had taken him quite awhile to overcome that very familiar sentiment. He’d never been able to erase it fully, just learned to live with it.

And now, only a blurry sight of their former agent on the screen brought back every single memory he had experienced that awful night. He could watch every scene he had witnessed at the night of the accident, he could still hear Justin’s heart-breaking shriek, and he could never fully get rid of that moment where his eye had just popped out. For his nature, he was quite not capable of handling such distress, as he was known to be the collected one among the agency. He wanted to move, he wanted to say something, but his body was numb, and his lips were awfully dry. Yet again, he knew he had to get himself together and think wisely, which was his usual escape when he dreaded his emotions would take over his rationale.

Finally, he found the composure to build a sentence as professional as he could make it sound.

“We need to inform Agent K about the situation.” With that, he slowly removed his hands from the stainless steel desk he was leaning on, darting his eyes away from the screen only to catch a glimpse of Pearl, who was nodding meekly, hand still on her mouth and eyes clamped on the screen like she was in a deep hypnosis.

He took a deep breath the second he left Pearl’s lab, leaning on the wall. He rested his head against it, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and index finger.

“What a fucking sick déjà vu this is,” he muttered under his breath. Glancing down the hallway, he noticed he was all alone, and he realized he was fighting hard against the ultimate urge of screaming at the top of his lungs. I need to get this done anyhow, he thought. Is this some kind of a sick joke?

As he started to make his way towards the elevator and to the upper floors, he couldn’t help but reminisce that only a few months ago, he had been moving to the same direction with the same feelings storming inside him and the same statement he had to make to his superior.


Agent Jay fidgeted slowly in his seat across the table from Agent K, who was talking on the phone to get the updated news about something – something that Agent Jay couldn’t focus on. Words were playing around in his mind, yet they were not coming together to form a reasonable sentence, as reasonable as it could be in such a situation.

He had no idea how they had kept it from him that long, if you consider the fact that when such accidents did happen, Agent K was always the first to be informed, usually at the moment of the accident. But to his astonishment, he and the fellow two agents had kept it undercover until Agent 009 was safe in Dr. Jewel’s office.

But now here he was, facing his superior and trying to find a way to tell what had happened. A couple of seconds later, Agent K hung up the phone and looked at him questioningly, his thick brows furrowed.

“So what’s the emergency?” Agent K spoke up, trying to read his agent’s face. He could easily guess that the news was no good, but he was trying to keep his calmness.

“We had an accident,” Agent Jay slowly replied. Noticing that his superior’s frown was growing deeper, he added quickly, “No one’s dead, though.”

Relieved, Agent K shifted in his seat. The stiffness he had been feeling in his back since morning was a bit softer now. Dreading that the name he was going to hear was that of a certain 00-Agent and, at the same time, getting angry at himself for favoring one of his agents, he mouthed a question.

“Is someone injured?”

Knowing he couldn’t avoid it any longer, he nodded. “Agent 009.” Realizing that K’s eyes were growing large, he added, “Justin.”

“Justin?” Although he was partly relieved that he hadn’t heard the name of Agent 008, a new rush of worry took over K. Rising up from his seat, he hurriedly walked to the door, Agent Jay behind his tail.

“There we go,” he muttered, silently cursing how the hell this accident had happened to one of their most talented agents. He knew nothing was going to be same again; he knew it in his heart.



“Agent Jay? Are you alright?”

The stern voice brought Jay back to reality. It didn’t take him more than two seconds to realize that he had ended up in Agent K’s office, though he could barely remember how he’d made all the way up there – he didn’t even remember if he had knocked on the door or not. Apparently he hadn’t; one quick glance at his superior’s face showed that he’d been disturbed against his will.

“May I?” he asked, motioning to the seat across K’s desk, and carefully positioned himself there with his nod.

“I believe there is some information about the current operation we are pursuing,” Agent K started, “and I suppose it’s pretty urgent, since I cannot think of any other logical reason for your sudden burst into my office…” he continued, pointing out the blueprints of various buildings laid on his desk, “… when I was busy.”

Playing with the eccentric rings he had on each of his fingers, Agent Jay cleared his throat, getting ready to spill out the news. Sucks to be at a higher rank in the chain of command, he thought glumly. Why did he always have to be the one to break the bad news?

“Well, I regret to tell you that the operation didn’t succeed, as a whole…” he trailed off, noticing that familiar frown appearing in his superior’s face.

“What do you mean, as a whole?” K persuaded, slightly irritated. “Don’t tell me that Agent 009 and 008 blew up the whole undercover…”

“No, it’s not that. They were perfectly able to disguise themselves, and they could trace down the signs in finding the target…” Agent Jay took a deep breath. “But they missed him.”

“Do we have a clear facial image of the fellow target? Maybe Agent Pearl can trace it down through the system…”

“We already do know who he is, sir,” Jay interrupted, as the same annoying but familiar feeling of déjà vu captured him instantly. “The target our agents were following was Justin.”

I know this expression, he thought inwardly, when he saw Agent K’s eyes growing large with surprise.

“Justin?!” he questioned, unbelieving. Rising up from his seat, Agent K made his way towards the door, determined to see the image with his own eyes before actually believing what he had just heard. Getting up from his seat, Agent Jay followed him closely.

“There we go,” he muttered silently. “What a fucking sick feeling of déjà vu this is.”


± ± ±
Remember Me: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
Red Jewel breezed down the corridor, arms laden with paperwork. Updated medical records for some of the staff, a report on the conditions of two agents who had been injured in training the day before, and a clean bill of health for the newest recruit. All to be given to Agent K, who kept track of such things.

On the way to his office, she passed Mr. Lancybassy. He was Nick’s secretary and shared her fondness for the tall, blonde agent. “Hey, Lancy!” she greeted him, and he did his best to wave, despite trying to juggle a stack of mail, a large package, and a cup of coffee.

“Jewel, darling! Just the lady I was looking for!”

“Oh, were you?” she asked in surprise. “What’s up?”

“Well…” Lancy tried unsuccessfully to reposition his armload of stuff. “Mind if I drop by a little later to pick your brain?”

“Sure,” she replied with a chuckle. “I’m just running some stuff to K’s office, and then I’ll be back in mine. Come on by.”

“Oh, fabulous! Tootles!” Lance beamed over the top of his package before sashaying away.

Suppressing a smile, Jewel went ahead to K’s office. She felt the familiar feeling of intimidation as she stood outside the door, picturing the large, lavish office behind it.

K was all class, his quarters decorated in furniture of the finest leather and gleaming mahogany, with polished marble floors and plush oriental rugs. Not only was it the nicest office she’d seen; it was also the cleanest, never a thing out of place. She may have spent most of her time in a sterile medical ward, but even she could not imagine being as tidy and organized as K was – her own office was quite cluttered.

But that wasn’t all that intimidated her. K himself made her slightly nervous. She wasn’t exactly sure why, for he’d always been perfectly nice to her, but she supposed it was that he always seemed sort of closed off, uptight, and hard to get to know. She’d never heard him raise his voice above the mellow, subtle Southern drawl he spoke in, but she’d also rarely seen him smile, and for someone who smiled often, that fact made him intimidating.

She knocked tentatively on the closed door and waited. She heard muffled voices beyond it and hoped she wasn’t interrupting anything important, but a moment later, the door was opened by none other than Agent Jay.

“Oh… hi!” she exclaimed, blinking in surprise. “I’m just here to give these to K,” she added, holding up her stack of papers. “Is this a bad time?”

“Nope, it’s fine; I was just leaving. Come on in, milady,” said Jay chivalrously, holding the door for her.

“Why, thank you,” she chirped in reply, smiling at him as she passed through.

Her smile faded when she saw K sitting behind his large desk, his expression more grave than usual. She wondered if this was a bad time. She was about to apologize, but then K said, “Come on in, Red.”

Red Jewel deposited the stack of paperwork on the edge of his desk. “Just the usual,” she explained, briefly going through the papers to show him what they were.

“You’re a jewel; thank you,” said Kevin, and one of his rare smiles passed briefly across his face at the pun, accompanied by a wink.

Jewel smiled back, relaxing. “No problem,” she replied automatically, but then she couldn’t help but ask, “Hey, is everything okay?”

K pressed his lips together and was quiet a moment, seeming to survey her. She wondered what was going through his head. How much to tell her and how much to keep to himself, probably. K kept a lot to himself, from what she could tell. But this, apparently, he could not keep.

“It’s Drums. He’s back.”

Jewel felt her eyebrows fly up as she thought of the former Agent 009, who hadn’t been seen since his… accident. “He’s back?? Here?

“Not here. In Vegas. Nick and Diamond met up with him there. He’s changed… and not for the better.”

She drew in a breath. “What do you mean? Is his head still-?”

“He’s on the other side now,” K interjected, his voice curt and grim. “The enemy’s side. He’s part of a terrorist organization known as FANS, who tried to sabotage the Global Idol competition.”

“Oh no,” Jewel sighed, her heart sinking.

She didn’t stay in K’s office much longer. As she walked back to her own, she couldn’t stop thinking about Drums. They’d never been close while she was here, so it wasn’t as if she’d lost a dear friend with his departure, but just knowing what had become of him made her feel guilty.

If only she’d been able to fix him…


She stood, ready and waiting, in her single surgical room, the room where the most serious cases she treated were brought. The padded table in the center of the room was cleaned and ready to hold a patient. A stainless steel tray of instruments was assembled nearby, as was a small case of medications. Not knowing what she would need, she had set up everything.

As she waited, her stomach churned with nerves, making her feel almost sick.

The call from Jay had come several hours ago from somewhere in the Middle East. She remembered his tone better than his words, but some phrases jumped out in her memory. “… toxic chemical spill… Phoenix Suicide… hospitals won’t know what to do… like nothing I’ve ever seen before…”

It had unnerved her to hear Agent 003, third in command at HimTak, sound so shaken. He’d babbled everything to her, and all she’d been able to get out of it was that there had been an accident during the mission he had been on with Nick, Drums, and Pearl, a leak of a dangerous chemical, potent enough to be considered a biochemical weapon, and that Drums had been injured. She didn’t know the nature of the damage, just that it was bad. And so, she’d assembled all that she could and hoped that she would know what to do when they jetted him back to headquarters.

The waiting, the not knowing, was the worst part, but finally, it ended when she heard footsteps and voices entering the medical ward. She hurried out of the surgical room to meet them and did a quick mental inventory as her eyes swept across the four of them – Nick, holding his shoulder with a pained look on his face; Pearl, looking pale but otherwise perfectly fine; Jay, also unscathed and helping to support Drums, who had his head down and one arm thrown around Jay’s shoulder.

Her first reaction had been one of relief when she realized that all four of them were standing. That was a good sign; if they could all walk, then no one could be hurt too terribly.

Then Drums lifted his head, and when her eyes moved upward from his legs to his face, she gasped, unable to suppress her shock.

His head was massive, having swollen to nearly three times its normal size. His once-blonde curls were dyed crimson with the remnants of the chemical, and the stains continued down the right side of his face, where the chemical appeared to have splashed and run off of him. His eye on that side was also bright red and bulging out of its socket. It was a gruesome sight, and for a moment, she could only clap her hand over her mouth and stare, horrorstruck.

She had never seen anything like it.

At first, she was frozen, but then her doctor’s instincts, well honed through her years of training, kicked in, and she snapped into action. “Bring him over here,” she directed Jay, motioning to the table. “Help him onto the table.”

She snapped a pair of latex gloves on, pulling them up over the sleeves of the surgical gown that covered the rest of her body. Then she pulled her surgical mask up over her mouth and nose and a pair of chemical goggles down over her eyes, not wanting to risk getting any of the Phoenix Suicide on her bare skin. Especially not now that she’d seen what it had done to Drums.

“My head,” he moaned in agony, his hands flying to his oversized cranium in panic.

“Don’t touch it,” Jewel instructed, pulling his hands back down. “I need to have a look.”

The most important thing with any chemical burn, she realized, was decontamination and pain control. She had Jay and Pearl gown up to help hold him down while she started an IV, pumping him full of painkillers and antibiotics. But even as she did this, his skull continued to swell, and she realized she needed to find a way to reverse the effects of the chemical.

She had no antidote for Phoenix Suicide – the reason it was such an effective biochemical weapon was that there was no known antidote in existence. So she tried to wash it off him first, dousing his head with water, flushing out his eye, scrubbing the side of his face.

His head continued to swell.

She gave him a high dose of steroids, to reduce the swelling, then packed his head in ice. The inflation seemed to slow, and her attention moved to his eye. The water hadn’t worked; it was still bloodshot and bulging, under so much pressure from the swelling that she was afraid it might burst.

She reached for her penlight and held his eyelid open as she shone the light in, allowing her to get a better look. “Can you see my light?” she asked, moving the light back and forth.

His dilated eye followed it, though sluggishly. “Sorta… it’s all blurry and red though. Fuck, it hurts; can’t you fix it?” Justin moaned miserably.

Her heart ached for him. “I’m trying,” she promised. “I just need to…”

And then, in the middle of her sentence, it happened. There was a soft splat, and she found herself looking through a film of cloudy, reddish tinged liquid that had exploded onto her goggles. As she hurriedly wiped them off with her sleeve, she heard Justin begin to scream and knew, even before she could see, what had happened.

“My eye!! My eye!!” he wailed, his voice shrill and hysterical. “I can’t see!! Fuck, I can’t see!!!”

In a way, it was a relief that he couldn’t, for she could see, and the sight of his ruptured eyeball, dripping with blood and vitreous humor, made her stomach churn. Bile crept up the back of her throat, and for a moment, she thought she was going to be sick.

And still he wailed, in a voice that would haunt her dreams, “My eye!! My eye!!”



She could still hear that terrible scream, still taste the acidic burn of the bile in her esophagus. Her eyes had closed as she relived the memory, and when she opened them, they were filled with tears.

If only I could have saved his eye… I could have saved him.

But she hadn’t. She hadn’t saved his eye, she’d barely stopped the swelling, and it was because of her failure that he was gone.

My failure, thought Red Jewel, swallowing hard. My only failure…


± ± ±


“Hiiiiiiiiiii, doc!! Here I aaaaaaa-am.” Lancybassy walked in with a grin on his face, holding a cappuccino and carrying his Louis Vuitton bag, which K only approved because he had never actually seen it. But when he walked up to Red Jewel, who was sitting behind her desk, he noticed she was trying to hold back tears. “Why the sad face?” he asked as he put down the bag and handed her the cappuccino.

“Thanks, Lancy...” She took a sip, after which she forced herself to smile. “It’s nothing.”

“And pigs can fly. Come on, honey, spill it,” Lancy said as he sat down on her desk. “Tell Lancybassy what’s wrong.” He got a tube of Clarins hand and nail cream out of his bag and carefully put some on his hands as he talked. “That guy - what’s his name - David, hasn’t he called yet? Because I know what that’s like; Alex hasn’t called me in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. I tell you, darling, men are pigs, whether they’re straight or not. Men are just pigs, or worse, they’re maggots. They eat off of you, use you, and then just turn into flies, fly off, and you never ever see them again.”

A small smile graced Jewel’s features at Lancy’s rambling, which just went on and on and on in the background. She’d better say something, or else he’d be coming up with an idea of how to get even with David (whom, by the way, had not called). The smile faded as her thoughts went back to her conversation with K.

“Hellooooooo, earth to Jewel!!”

She lifted her head and met Lancy’s eyes, which appeared to be filled with a hint of worry.

“Sorry, Lancy. Um, what were you saying... right, men are maggots. And yes, David hasn’t called, but that’s not it. He was too short anyway. I’ve got bigger things on my mind right now.”

“So? Gonna share?”

Jewel let out a sigh, not knowing if she should tell him. Well, K didn’t say it was classified information. And if she didn’t tell him, Lancy would find out soon enough through one of the other secretaries anyway. Nothing remained secret for a long time if it were up to them. Nothing non-classified, that is. After all, they had no intention of putting anyone in danger.

“Drums is back,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“What?!” Lancy shrieked. “Here?! That can’t be. I mean… Oh my God, oh my God... that-”

“No, he’s not here. He’s in Vegas,” Jewel answered as she set the now empty mug on her desk. “He’s... he’s changed.”

“How? Tell me he has not changed that cute hairdo of his. Oh girl, the fantas-”

“Not his hairdo, Lancy!” Jewel cut him off.

“Sorry, sweetie. Go on. I’ll keep quiet. I promise. I will really, really, really... Oops, I’m rambling again, aren’t I, darling?” This time, it got him a stern look from Jewel. “I’ll shut my mouth now,” he said as he started to blush. “See, I’m zipping my mouth closed and throwing they key away! Faaaaaaaaaaar away! See?” Lancy simultaneously acted out his words after which he crossed his legs and listened to Jewel’s explanation about the whole ordeal.

Half an hour later, Lancy was walking back to his office, his mind still occupied with what Jewel had just told him. Drums... the whole thing was such a tragedy, but to think that he was now on the side of the enemies. Lancy slowly shook his head, still in disbelief about the whole situation. Things had started so perfectly back in the days. So perfectly fine…


Lancy had a perfect view from where he was standing... well, hiding. Agent Grasshopper had just told the new recruits about the training schedule of the day, and they were now trying to improve their martial arts skills by implementing the instructions he had just given them. Some of them didn’t make any sense though, Lancy thought.

He had been Grasshopper’s secretary for about two years now, and he still spent most of his time trying to figure out what it was that Grasshopper wanted him to do. Since his boss was busy with trying to teach the new ones something, Lancy figured it’d be okay to take an extra coffee break and keep an eye on the young recruits, just in case they’d need... well, anything.

Two men in the first row especially caught his attention. And not just because they were trying to kick each other to the ground. Right now, Lancy was mostly interested in their physical appearance and was silently comparing the two, using his S.M.I.L.E. system. Silently he gave them points in a range from zero to ten. He had come up with the ranking system himself and used it quite frequently. S.M.I.L.E. stood for ‘Sexy Manly Impulsive Likeable Ecstasy.’ Lancy liked his men to be, of course, sexy and likeable, and since he was quite feminine, he needed his man to be very manly. The secretary loved to be surprised, hence the ‘Impulsive’ in S.M.I.L.E. (oh, and he couldn’t come up with another cute word starting with an ‘I’). And last but not least, he loved the experience of being high on feelings of love and arousal.

Lancy liked the fact they were both blonde. He knew firsthand that blondes also had more fun between the sheets, in the shower, and at a LOT of other places. Since he had no idea by what cute name both boys walked through life, he gave them nicknames for now. Curly and Spiky, after their hairdos. Curly came to a total of 38 points and Spiky got himself 40. They both scored a nine for Sexiness, an eight for being Manly, and an eight for Ecstasy. Spiky appeared to be more likeable, but that was solely based on the fact that he smiled a gorgeous smile every time he managed to kick Curly to the ground. And since he also used some techniques Grasshopper hadn’t mentioned, he got himself a seven for being impulsive where Curly only got a six. Spiky had won the first battle.

The two young men, of course, had no idea that they were being judged on anything other than their fighting skills and so they had nothing other than winning on their minds. They both were very competitive and were thinking of nothing but letting the other one taste the dust. Lancy was enjoying the view of two muscular sweating bodies when he saw Grasshopper walking up to the two. Lancy didn’t want to get caught (again), so he hid behind one of the concrete poles, praying Grasshopper had not seen him.

“Stop, young hedgehogs. While fighting, always stay focused. You never know when your opponent will blossom and kill your inner tree by drinking its water.”

Lancy frowned, trying to make any sense of what his boss had just said. As usual, he couldn’t. And so, he allowed himself to dream about the sweating, naked bodies of Spiky, Curly, and himself performing mischievous, steamy activities on the gym mats, in the dressing room, the shower, and a LOT of other places in the HimTak-building.



Yes, things had started so perfectly back in the days. So perfectly fine.


± ± ±
Remember Me: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
Nick rubbed at his eyes in frustration; he couldn’t focus with the other three yahoos in his group discussing which song they were going to sing for the group performance. Nick knew he should be over there discussing with them, but he had faith, however small it was, that they’d pick a decent song that wouldn’t require too much work, that most likely he’d know the words, and it’d be ok.

Looking up at the other three members in his group, he frowned. There was Marcus, who Nick could tell straight off wanted to be the “lead” in the group. He went on and on about how he idolized Ricky Martin and Tom Jones and how he knew he was destined for “greatness.” He’d insisted that all decisions and choices be cleared through him for approval before they were put into play.

Then there was Joe, who, from what Nick could hear, was as tone deaf as they come. He wouldn’t last, Nick was sure; what he couldn’t figure out, though, was how he’d made it this far. When he attempted to “sing,” he was flat and always off tempo. Smirking, Nick looked back down at his Sidekick when Marcus once again stopped the singing to give Joe the right key. Nick thought the song sounded familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

Lastly was Elizabeth, the only girl in the group. She seemed nice enough and had a decent voice, but she kept making passes at all the guys. Nick had caught her staring at him hungrily more than once. She seemed more focused on trying to sleep with one of them than she did trying to sing or win the competition.

Clearing his throat, Nick went back to work on his Sidekick. He really wished Di was there; it was too hard to go through everything without her input.

“Nick, aren’t you going to join us? If this group is going to be successful, we need to have everyone on the same page, ya know; I can only do so much,” Marcus sighed.

“Yeah Nick, why don’t you just… slide on over here beside me, and I can give you…a hand,” Elizabeth winked.

Nick looked up and gave an apologetic smile. “Sorry guys, I’ll be there in a minute. I’m… uhh… talking with my agent. She’s trying to set me up with this… umm… lead in a musical.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “You act?”

“Y-yeah, sure.”

Suddenly she licked her lips. “Ya know, I’ve always though actors were hot. You know, the way they read their lines with such passion, and the way they hold the scripts, their fingers gently caressing the pages so that… so that… the paper becomes crumpled from the sweat, from the heat of the moment, oh god,” she moaned, fanning herself with her hand.

“I had a line in a commercial once,” Joe announced suddenly, his mouth dropping open when Elizabeth directed her gaze at him, looking him over slowly, licking her lips again.

“Focus, people, focus! Elizabeth, I don’t recall you clearing discussing the subject of acting through me first. That is not really relevant to the current situation,” Marcus gently chided.

“Hearing you talk like that, Marcus, gets me so turned on,” Elizabeth whispered, blowing him a kiss.

Clearing his throat, Marcus clapped his hands, starting to count off again.

Rolling his eyes, Nick typed fiercely on his Sidekick. Diamond seemed to be making great progress on her own. She’d sent him over the new information she’d found, and Nick quickly cross-referenced it with the little that he’d found.

“No, no, Joe! Look, you hold the last note, and you have to sing with emotion, from the diaphragm! The judges have to see that you’re serious, that we’re serious as a group! This isn’t just a song or a performance, people; we’re making magic here, we’re telling a story! This is a serious song,” Marcus announced.

“Diaphragm? What’s that have to do with singing? No one is having sex here, although, it could be arranged.” Elizabeth smiled suddenly, looking over at Nick. “Did you hear that, Nick? I said, it could be arranged, and then we’d really be using a diaphragm. I can get one, ya know, if you really want.”

Nick brought his knees closer to his chest, avoiding eye contact. “Sorry, Elizabeth. As tempting as that is, I’m going to have to decline.”

“Well, the offer stands. You know, baby, that goes for you both, too,” she smiled, looking first at Marcus and then Joe.

“Later, Elizabeth. Nick, come on! You have to learn the dance,” Marcus said suddenly.

“Guys…”

“Now!” Marcus stated, pointing to the spot beside Elizabeth.

Groaning, Nick slipped his phone into his pocket and made his way over.

“Okay now, here we go. Just watch me closely. We’ll do a couple run-throughs and then we’ll sing and do the routine. Here we go – five… six… five, six, seven, eight!” Marcus announced.

The next fifteen minutes were spent learning the routine for a song Nick still didn’t know. Most of the time he kept trying to avoid Elizabeth’s wandering hands and smothering looks.

“Okay, Nick, I want you to drop to your knees on the break, arms open wide as if you’re pleading to your lady love,” Marcus practically squealed.

“Hey, why does he get to do the break?” Joe frowned.

“Well, originally I was going to do it, but I figured I can’t sing the lead and do the break without it looking funny, so I decided to let Nick do it,” Marcus shrugged.

“What about me? I’ve been here practicing, and he’s been over there talking with his agent. I want a solo,” Joe whined.

“Now, what did we say about decisions? You didn’t ask me first, and because of that, you don’t get a solo. Remember, we’re a team; there’s no ‘I’ in team. Okay, I think we’re ready to do a full run-through. Here we go – one…two… one, two, three, four!” Marcus counted off.

The other three started singing, and Nick stilled. It couldn’t be; it just couldn’t.

It was.

Damnit, he should’ve been more involved; he would have made them pick another song. He knew Marcus had been the one to choose the song; it had his stink all over it. Shaking his head, his heart dropped as he heard his group called to perform next.

“Okay, everyone, this is it! Let’s go!” Marcus called, hurrying out to the stage.

Nick hesitantly made his way out to the stage and got into position, groaning when the music started playing. Resolutely, he forced himself to start dancing as Marcus started singing.

“First time was a great time, second time was a blast, third time I fell in love, now I hope it lasts. I can see it in your walk, tell it when you talk, see it in everything you do… even in your thoughts…” Marcus sang passionately.

Groaning, Nick joined in with chorus.

“You got the right stuff, baby, love the way you turn me on. You got the right stuff, baby, you’re the reason why I sing this song…” he sang softly. He’d die if this got out. Sighing, he dropped to his knees suddenly, his arms spread apart as he sang his solo. “All that I needed was you… oh girl, you’re so right. And all that I wanted was you… you made all… my dreams come true!”

Looking over, he saw Marcus give him a discreet thumbs up and he rolled his eyes, continuing to dance.

“Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, the right stuff! Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, the right stuff,” they all sang.

They continued dancing, and Nick spun to find Elizabeth grinding against him suggestively. Turning again, he faced the judges, managing to shuffle away from Elizabeth as Marcus started the second verse.

“Your first kiss was a sweet kiss, second kiss had a twist, third and your fourth kiss I don’t want to miss. I can see it in your walk, tell it when you talk, see it in everything you do… even in your thoughts…”

Nick dropped to a squat as part of the routine and sang along once again with the chorus.

“You got the right stuff, baby, love the way you turn me on. You got the right stuff, baby, you’re the reason why I sing this song.”

Rolling his eyes, he dropped one more time to his knees suddenly, his arms spread apart and sang his solo with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. “All that I needed was you… oh girl, you’re so right. And all that I wanted was you… you made all… every one of my dreams come true!”

Standing back up, he continued to sing and was upset to find that he was actually starting to enjoy it. The song went into a break, and they continued to dance. Unable to stop himself, Nick dropped to his knees again.

“The right stuff, girl, yeah baby, yeah, you know you got the right stuff. And giiiiiirllllll, yeah, baby, you know, you know you got it, girl. In my life, you’re so right, you made all... you know what you did…” he sang soulfully as he stood, backing up slowly to join the others for the end of the song.

“Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh- oh-oh, the right stuff! Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh-oh… Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, the right stuff! You got the right stuff, baby, love the way you turn me on. You got the right stuff, baby, you’re the reason why I sing this song.”

They came to a finish in an over-exaggerated and highly unnecessary pose. Nick closed his eyes, trying to even out his breathing. He’d be lucky if he made it to the next round.

“Thank you very much. Nick Carter and Joe Hearty can stay. The rest of you, thank you for trying out,” one of the judges announced.


± ± ±


As Jay came into her laboratory, her sanctuary of metal and steel, she gave a sigh. Her eyes never left the cameras. Her initial reaction had been natural; Justin had been a close friend of hers, like Nick was. At times, Nick had seemed closer, and other times, Justin had. Now, there was only Nick, of course.

The accident had shaken her up badly... and she had refused to think about it since. Seeing him like he was on the video, the hatred and rage within the one remaining eye... Had she contributed to what he was now? Was this her fault for not –

No, she wasn't going to think about it. She had gotten past the entire thing, and everything was normal at HimTak again. No.

Jay sat before the cameras, and she twirled a loose blonde curl around her slender finger.

“K knows. He’ll come by to check the cameras, I think, now that the mission’s gotten complicated.”

“Complicated is not the word – a vast understatement, actually.”

“What is the word then, Pearl?” he asked calmly. She never was one for talking out emotions. Since he had met her, he had tried to pry them out of her. Sometimes, Agent Jay was successful, but those times were rare. In situations like this, which were painful for many, including him, one needed to talk them out. But not ever her. Not willingly, at least.

A shrug was her simple reply to the pointed question. "If you're watching the feeds, I need to check something in my office,” she said flatly, wishing she could turn off the emotions. Yet she couldn't, so she escaped to her office in the back of her lab.

It was rare that others found her here, as she enjoyed her work and was constantly tinkering with some new gadget or device. She shut the door behind her and was welcomed by the turquoise walls with bright yellow accents that surrounded her. This was her, a bright and cheery office. Truly it was, with a quite cluttered, simple white desk and the color scheme remaining the bright blue and yellow throughout the room. Something surprising to some, with her often sarcastic and dry wit humored view upon the world. Deep down, she was pretty optimistic and sensitive. She was as human as any other. Many seemed to forget that behind the brains, there was a person. An attractive person, though her looks also went forgotten by many because of her intelligence.

A photograph fluttered lazily to the desk from the bulletin board mounted on the wall, as a sigh escaped from her. It was an older photograph, four years almost. One of the agents had taken it, she remembered, but she couldn't place who. The picture was of her trying to get her own camera – which she had made herself – back from Justin, with Nick laughing and cheering him on. They had been reprimanded for slacking off instead of training, but as agents in basic training were grouped together for certain tests, that had been how she had met Nick and Justin for the first time.

She loved when she got assigned to go on missions, especially with those two. With her expertise in certain technologies and her ability to handle herself on the field, it happened more commonly than she had originally thought it would. But she hadn't been on one since the mission that had, in essence, destroyed Justin. How could she?

There was a reason she had put so much time into Nick's car. Projects kept her mind away from her life, distanced her from it. It was her personal therapy, and she had needed it.

Pearl, you have to help me.. .please... god... Kitana, I have no one else to go to!

That single phrase, his pained voice, still haunted her, as it had since the day she had refused to do what someone else eventually would…


It had been a simple day; she had just started her sketches for the car she was eventually going to modify. She had spotted it, and her mind had what she considered her greatest project idea yet. Now she was just sketching the layouts, since this was going to be a massive project. She was concerned about Justin, of course, but the swelling had seemed to go down since the eye burst. The eye patch, ashamedly, unnerved her a bit. After that mission, her mind had gone into overdrive, and Pearl just couldn’t take it. Nick had been keeping to himself, and without her two closest friends around, she just felt like isolating herself for the moment.

She was sure Jay would be down soon, however. Their mentor had been keeping a careful eye on her and Nick as of late. K had been, too, now that she thought of it. For now, the tunes of classic Beatles songs soothed her as she sketched in her office, rather than in her laboratory.

The sound of slamming doors made her jump with a start, and she looked up to find Justin now before her with the horror of relapse. It had been a possibility, since Red hadn’t known of a cure. If Pearl had been into medical science rather than mechanical, she would have fought to find a cure as well. No one knew of one for Phoenix Suicide yet. Nick had just been lucky his arm had only gotten a tiny fraction of what had hit the man before her.

“Pearl, you have to help me... please... god... Kitana, I have no one else to go to!”

“Ju… Drums, what… is it happening again?” Her mind blanked, and, for a moment, she was actually at a loss for words.

“I can’t take this pain! Jewel can’t help me; doctors wouldn’t know what this is. You’re a genius, Kit, you know that. This shit is so wickedly damn whack! You know that human robotics stuff like it’s nothing!” His hand clutched at the socket where his eye had once been; his head was pulsating with enlarged blood vessels. Already, it was beginning to swell again. “I need you to use all that shit to fix me up, trip me out, yo!” The slang. His emotions were jumping, and she couldn’t say there wasn’t a reason for it.

Pearl stared at him in shock. He knew her well enough to know her views. “Drums… I… you know I can’t do that.”

“Why? We were a posse! First Nick, now you! God!”

“What happened was… an accident! I can't do it. Justin, I would have to wire up to the optical nerves to your brain; it would take intense surgery. Brain surgery. You would mentally be more machine! It dehumanizes! I can’t do it to you. I’m not going to turn you into a robot so you can have two eyes again. Even the surgery just to get the swelling down... the chips and wires... I would have to hook so much into your system in so many ways… No,” she said brokenly, crossing her arms over her chest. Her sapphire eyes went downwards, trying to hide the pain that achingly stabbed at her as she refused his pleas. "Just no. Please don't ask me this. I... I can't. No."

“Kitana… you’re going to say no?? I could die from this whack shit Nick got on me! He knew what he was doing… you’re doing this for him, right?” His breath rapid, beads of sweat dripped down his face like a slow rain, as he winced from the pain it caused him.

She just observed him with obvious remorse. “I'm doing this for you. I’m sorry, Justin, but dehumanizing you, to me, is worse than death…”

Justin simply stared at her, a man betrayed. “You’re not the person I thought you were… Professor.”



She wiped her eyes discreetly as her hair fell into her youthful face. Pearl knew she could have saved him. The guilt never had faded from her thoughts, despite all the projects she had started afterwards to try and escape it. Because she knew she could have saved him. She had the skills, but she knew what the cost was as well, and, for her, it was too high.

Now it seemed Justin had found someone else to do it for him instead. He had been a new man on those cameras. So dark, so empty. Gone were the joking, playful actions and the excited Ebonics he always seemed to be spewing, despite all their protests. Just part of his charm then. Gone was the caring nature he’d had. Now he was nothing but a dark, shadowed reflection of the man he once was. A cold machine.

“Pearl, come here, we need to start skimming the feeds for Justin, see if he’s acting alone, since the other agent was killed by his own hands.”

“Be right there, Jay,” she spoke softly into her headset as she set the picture aside on her desk. Just memories. That’s all the picture could be. The Justin they knew was no longer there.

Pearl had a job to do. She’d made her choice then. Justin had made his now. They all would be forced to deal with the consequences.

And they all would just have to live with them.


± ± ±
Remember Me: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
Looking down below from the tiny catwalk he perched upon above the stage, he saw them. Scattering around like cockroaches in a musty apartment when the lights turn on. Looking for him, no doubt.

He knew they were looking for him; why wouldn't they? He wasn't one of them anymore, and because of that, they wanted him gone. He could see them, going off in the distance, beyond what normal vision could see. His steel blue eye took it all in, along with the aide of the blinking red light emanating from his former right eye’s socket. Now gears, metal, and a robotically-engineered optical system took its place. He was beyond normal now, beyond them. Now he was in a place that was once beyond his own imagination.

His hand drifted subconsciously to the area that had once held his eye. Now it was an added skill, having lost that eye the way he had. Yet the betrayal when it had first happened still spun around his clouded mind.

Nick, who had ruined him, who had changed his life permanently…

Jay, who had done nothing…

Jewel, who hadn’t been able to heal him…

Pearl, who had turned her back on him by refusing to do what, later on, someone else had done for him…

And K, who had been the worst of them all…


He held the ice pack to his head. The temporary medicine Red Jewel had given him to lessen the swelling was wearing off. He could hear the incessant thumping, Indian bongo drums in his mind, signaling in the excitedly festive mental beat that the injury was returning at a rapid pace.

Ironic it was drums, as that was his very own alias, as well as the charm Pearl had given to him as a weapon.

Irony.

It sickened him, and he only pleaded for a cure soon. But he would find one. He would. Himitsu Takana was still his home, and they would find him that cure, even if Jewel could not cure him, even if Pearl refused to use her robotics to replace that eye and stop the abnormal growth of his head. He would find a way; the agency would help him.

He sat there in the training room, watching the lower agents train. They were those below the 00-Agent status he and Nick held so highly. Justin was one of the youngest, but he knew he had earned his position, and he intended to keep it.

He continuing his watching with peaked interest; the blonde before him showed promise in the field they worked in. A newer recruit, her name was Desiree. She was a flirt, coming on to any attractive thing with a penis. Currently, she had the rank of agent 010, one below him, and was seen often on the arm of agent 011, Leo DiCaprio.

He watched with his only eye as the ice pack soothed the thudding dance beat of his mental state only slightly. Justin would not let anyone usurp his position. Nick was the same way, as was Shazam. All were protective of the positions they had worked so hard for, like the ranks were their children.

He felt alone, having been betrayed by his friends so harshly. All but JC. He would eventually forgive them, he supposed. By the time he found a cure.

Tiredly, he ran his free hand over the mop of blond curls he called his hair.

The phone interrupted Justin’s train of thought as the theme to Star Wars hummed on his phone. He glanced down at silver phone as “GRANDMA” ran across the caller ID. Grandma… couldn’t K have picked something else?

He walked down to K’s office, and there the older man stood, leaning against the dark mahogany desk, his jade eyes piercingly cold.

“Justin.” That got his attention. Since he’d created his alias, everyone had been calling him Drums.

“K… you needed to see me?” His hand held the ice pack to the pain still, despite it beginning to melt.

“We need to talk. It’s about your injury.”

“I’m going to find a cure, sir.”

“You’re a liability, with your handicap-”

“It won’t be-”

“It is, and with one like that, we can’t have such a risk at the agency.”

Justin couldn’t believe his ears.

No.

Not after everything he’d done, everything he’d given up! He was dedicated to Himitsu Takana! He had given up his own eye, risked his life countless times. K couldn’t be saying what he thought he was.

“Pack up your things; you’ll be exiting your quarters in the morning. You have been officially discharged. We thank you for your service and-”

“This is bullshit, K!” he screamed, showing only a fraction of the hurt that plagued him.

“Justin, this is anything but personal. You can’t work with your handicap. What we do affects the entire world, and you are a liability we cannot afford. Desiree will handle her promotion, though undoubtedly not with your skill-”

“You’re replacing ME with Diamond Divine. This is bullshit, K. BULLSHIT!” He raced out of the office, not being able to take standing there with his now former superior agent in front of him. Now he was truly betrayed, abandoned, and alone. All he knew meant nothing…



And here he was, having faced his former comrades in his new line of work. Diamond obviously had replaced him, just as K had said. Nick was still in his old role, and you couldn’t even see the damage on his arm. All Nick had gotten was a simple scar, a large one, admittedly, since they had been next to each other when it happened. A scar he noticed Nick had covered with a mural-styled tattoo. As if it never happened.

Justin had enjoyed no such luxury, and people would cower when they saw his face. As they should cower.

He would show them all the bitter taste he had experienced when they had turned their backs on them. They would taste it. He would shove it down their throats if he had to. All of those at Himitsu Takana should taste the betrayal. But of them all, Jay, Nick, Pearl, and Jewel were the ones most deserving. Had they saved him then, K would have never given him the boot. He would make them taste his revenge against the agency that had done him in. Against the agents who had twisted the knife Nick had thrust into his back. They would taste it.

And they would be feasting on it far sooner than they realized.


± ± ±


Sitting in the auditorium with Diamond, Nick found it impossible to pay attention to the auditions playing out before him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he would be called up to sing again at some point, as he had somehow managed to fumble through yet another round of the Global Idol competition. But he didn’t care about that now (not that he had really cared any other time).

He couldn’t get Justin out of his head.

The image of his former accomplice, sneering and bitter, his features marred by the black metal band that encircled his head and the electric red glow of the optical device implanted where his right eye had once been, was engrained in Nick’s memory, and try as he might to focus on something else, he could not forget it.

The change in Drums had shocked him; the former agent seemed almost more machine than man now, metal and cold.

So very cold.

Nick could understand the bitterness; he really could. It wasn’t fair that, after making it to the rank of a 00-agent, Justin had been discharged because of an injury received through no fault of his own. But rules were rules, and Himitsu Takana agents had to have perfect vision. That was just the way it was. Justin had known that, as did Nick and Diamond and every other agent.

So what had happened? How had he gone so wrong? How, in a matter of months, had he been corrupted and twisted into a monster who fought for the enemy, fought against his former partners?

Just like that, the friendly rivalry they’d always had was a real one. The malice that had shown in Justin’s one remaining eye was proof enough of that. Remembering the latter’s icy expression, as hard and cold as his new metal headdress, Nick was left with a bitter taste in his mouth.

He swallowed with difficulty, his throat feeling tight and dry.

The girl currently onstage was using the same excuse to explain her horrific croaking of a Celine Dion song. “My throat was just really dry,” she lamented with pleading eyes, silently begging the judges to give her another chance. “I know I can sing that song a lot better.”

“Poor song choice, either way,” came the British judge’s curt reply. “That song was too big for your voice. I’m not sure you’ve got what it takes to move forward in the competition. You just might be out of your league.”

“Please, I know I can do it!” the girl continued to beg, sounding near tears.

A light jab in the ribs caused Nick to turn to Diamond, who didn’t hesitate in rolling her eyes at him. “She was god-awful,” she hissed into his ear, her warm breath tickling his neck as she leaned close. “You know the only reason she’s still up there is cause she’s hot.”

Nick, who hadn’t been paying much attention until now, eyed the girl again, taking in her appearance. She was indeed pretty. Though he preferred blondes to brunettes, he couldn’t help but admire her long legs, exposed almost fully by a short miniskirt, and the perfect pair of breasts swelling out of her plunging neckline.

Diamond may have been right – she couldn’t sing – but she was certainly nice to look at up onstage.

But not for much longer. She was soon joined on the stage by the show’s host, Mark McGrath, formerly of the band Sugar Ray, who put his arm around her and murmured comforting words to her, then proceeded to look up, find one of the cameras recording the entire thing, and say directly into it, “Will Jasmine move on to the next round? Find out… after the break!”

Nick rolled his eyes. This sort of thing had been happening after every few contestants. He supposed the producers had to get the commercial breaks scripted in during the filming for when the footage was shown on TV, but all the breaks were getting a little ridiculous. He was anxious to get out of here and track down Drums.

“Where do you think he went?” he asked Diamond in a low voice, his eyes sweeping the large auditorium, wondering if his rival was even still in the MGM Grand.

“Who?”

“Drums! Who else are we looking for?” snapped Nick irritably. Diamond could be so blonde sometimes. Of course, others were known to say the same about him…

He decided he had better check in with the smart blonde of HimTak, Professor Pearl. Maybe she had some insight on where they could find Drums. Hunching low in his seat, Nick bent over the “watch” on his wrist and fumbled with its many buttons, trying to remember which one would connect him with headquarters. He was still getting used to Pearl’s little gadget.

Voices onstage caused him to glance up momentarily. There was another guy onstage with Mark McGrath now.

“.. and what are you going to sing?” Mark was asking him, holding his microphone towards the contestant.

Not caring, Nick’s head dropped back to the watch again.

“I’ll be singing…” The contestant cut off suddenly, as if he’d forgotten what he would be singing. Nick glanced up again, just as the guy seemed to get his bearings and finished, “… Mr. Roboto… by Styx.”

He said this in a very robotic monotone, and Nick, figuring he was trying to be funny, shook his head and returned to playing with his watch.

In the background, the guy on stage started to sing, “You’re wondering who I am… machine or mannequin… with parts made in Japan…”

His finger poised over the contact button on his watch, Nick’s memory went full circle, suddenly returning to the image of Justin and his mechanical headpiece and eye.

“I’ve got a secret I’ve been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain IBM
So if you see me, acting strangely, don’t be surprised
I’m just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive… just keep me alive…”


Unable to concentrate on anything but the image of Justin and his bitter sneer, Nick swallowed with difficulty, once again overcome by the guilt he harbored over the whole situation. A part of him hated Justin for becoming what he had, and yet, a part of him just felt sorry.

“00Carter? What’s going on?” Pearl’s voice suddenly crackled from his watch, just loud enough for him to hear. She provided a welcomed distraction for Nick, who looked down at her image on the watch’s tiny display screen at once. She looked and sounded slightly frazzled, he realized.

“Um… nothing new, really,” he whispered into the watch. “No sign of Drums. We were wondering if you knew anything to help us find him again.”

“Let me check the other camera feeds. I’ll get back to you,” promised Pearl, and her face disappeared from his screen.

“I am the modern man, who hides behind a mask, so no one else can see my true identity!” belted the guy on stage, raising his arms above his head.

And then, something strange happened. A chorus of voices rose above his, singing, “Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto… domo….”

“Domo,” echoed the contestant.

“Domo.”

“Domo.”

“Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto… domo arigato, Mr. Roboto… domo arigato, Mr. Roboto…”

It seemed that the entire auditorium was chanting it in the same eerie drone, and when he looked around, Nick found that he was right. Everyone he could see was singing it. All of their eyes were fixed straight ahead, and their feet were planted firmly against the floor. Only their arms moving, and stiffly so, doing “the robot”… in perfect unison.

Even the three judges up in the front were on their feet, singing and doing the robotic choreography in the exact same way as the audience. And stranger yet, the cameramen had abandoned their cameras and were singing and dancing too.

The sight was so unsettling that it made the hairs on the back of Nick’s neck stand on end. Skin prickling, he turned quickly to Diamond…

… and was met with a terrifying realization.

Diamond was doing it, too.

“Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto… domo arigato, Mr. Roboto…” It was her voice, but all the usual liveliness, the flirtatious playfulness in it was gone, replaced with a dreary monotone, void of all personality. Her arms moved stiffly, and her shaking hips and shimmying bosoms were oddly still.

“Diamond, what are you doing?!” he cried in horror, slugging her in the shoulder. Her body swayed to the side with the force of his nudge, but she didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink. She just kept up her robotic routine, singing flatly.

It was as if she’d been hypnotized, somehow lulled into this almost-catatonic state. The entire room had been hypnotized, he realized. There was no other explanation.

“Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto…” they kept singing, and he looked around frantically, wishing he could find someone else like him, someone who was not hypnotized.

But there was no one. They were all singing. Even Mark McGrath, who stood off to the side of the stage, his microphone held out towards the audience, picking up their robotic chorus.

“Nick?”

The sound of his name attracted Nick’s attention back to his watch, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Pearl was back. He wondered how much she knew about hypnosis.

“Nick, he’s not showing up on any of our cameras,” said Pearl, looking flustered. “He’s either left the building, or he’s hiding somewhere out of our sight. I would keep searching the premises, just in case.”

“Forget that for now,” Nick replied impatiently. “We’ve got bigger problems…”

And he turned his watch toward Diamond, who was still singing along, glassy-eyed. “Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto…”


± ± ±
Remember Me: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
His dark brown eyes penetrated the monitor. Reflected in their depths, the scene played out before him: row upon row of contestants, doing the same zombie-like choreography, singing in the same robotic drone. “Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto…”

He leaned forward and pushed a stray, black curl away from his face, the better to see the screen. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

His plan was working.

A smile spread like warm butter across his face, and his eye began to twitch with mounting excitement.

It was working; it was really working! Everyone at “Global Idol” had been hypnotized… and soon, the hypnosis would extend to the world. After all, “Global Idol” was truly a global phenomenon. It would be watched by billions.

Billions who would soon be brainwashed in support of him.

“We’ve done it, Sexi,” he murmured, turning to his female companion. “The seed has been planted, and it’s already starting to grow. Just watch… soon, the entire planet will be in its tangles, and then… we will rule the world.”

Sexi twirled a tendril of her long, black hair round her slender, taloned finger, her motions seductive. “Sorry I ever doubted you, Dr. Rough. I didn’t think it would work, with all the security, but you were right. It’s working.” She smiled, her dark eyes alighting with desire. “I can’t wait to be queen of the world.”

His eye twitched even more, much to his annoyance. It always did that when he got nervous or excited, and both emotions were going in overdrive within him now. Excitement because his plan was working, despite Himitsu Takana’s attempts to sabotage it. Nervousness because… well, he always found himself nervous around Sexi.

She made his heart race and his palms sweat, the way she sat so close, her long-lashed eyes, as dark as onyx, flashing seductively, her sweet breath fluttering against his neck, her long fingernails lightly scraping his skin as she touched his arm or his thigh.

“I can’t wait either,” he murmured, his eyes drinking in the sight of her, quenched by her beauty.

He knew, deep down, that she only flirted with him because he was in a place of power, and she was hungry for some of it. But he didn’t mind. No girl as attractive as her had ever given him the time of day when he was just Howie Dorough, a short kid with greasy hair and a lazy eye. But as Dr. Rough, he was someone to be admired, someone to be feared. Someone to be idolized. Someone to remember.

In due time, they would all remember his name. And some of them would remember the short guy with the twitching eye they had let get away.

“Yeeeeesssss, Dr. Twitches,” he muttered, reaching down to stroke the lithe body of his minion ferret, as Sexi retreated to spread the word of their success to the rest of the agents at FANS headquarters. “Soon they’ll remember Howie Dorough… but not as Howie Dorough. They’ll know me as… Dr. Rough!”

He rehearsed his evil alias with a roar, hoping to invoke terror in all. But Dr. Twitches, far from fearful, just squeaked cheerfully and tried to burrow into his crotch.

Reddening, Howie’s eye twitched some more, this time with embarrassment, as he pulled the squirmy ferret out from between his legs and felt glad that Sexi had already gone.


± ± ±


Agent K narrowed his eyes at the man standing in front of his desk. "I don't care what anyone else told you to do. This is an international situation; it's HimTak's jurisdiction."

"This situation is happening on U.S. soil. Our jurisdiction. I'm following my orders," the man replied, his southern accent heavy. "So if you wanna change 'em, take it up with my boss."

"I don't have time to waste arguing with your idiot of a boss over at the CIA! The U.S. isn't the only country at risk here!" K let out a frustrated sigh. "My orders are the only orders you're gonna follow, is that clear, cousin?" Before he could answer, there was a knock at the door. "Come in!"

A woman entered, her long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail that swung against her shoulders as she walked over. The blonde man pulled down his sunglasses and scanned her over with his deep blue eyes. She was wearing a worn, black leather jacket, a black t-shirt that read "LED ZEPPELIN" across the chest, and a pair of blue jeans that looked as if they'd been ripped during several fights. This was not at all the attire he'd expected to find a high-ranking international agent wearing.

"You rang, K?" she asked as she stood next to him.

"O'Riley, this is Agent Littrell of the CIA." He motioned to her left. "He's going with you to back up 008 and 009 in Las Vegas. Leave immediately."

"You got it, boss." O'Riley – better known as Emerald Ecstasy to her colleagues at HimTak – gave K a small wave and walked towards the door, looking back when she saw she wasn't being followed. "You coming, CIA?"

"Fine," he answered, facing her after shooting a glare at his cousin, "but if you're not going to address me as Agent Littrell, call me The Rok."

Emerald rolled her eyes. "If you say so..."

"Keep me posted!" K called to them as he got up from his chair.

"Will do!" Emerald shouted from down the hall, The Rok at her heels. K sighed as he headed in the opposite direction, towards Pearl's office.

"Just in time," Pearl said as K walked over to the console where she was watching the monitors. "I just tapped into the surveillance feed in the auditorium." They watched as everyone in the auditorium danced uniformly as they chanted the chorus to an extremely odd song. "As far as I can tell, Nick is the only one there who's not affected by the device. If I could just locate it, I could have him shut it down..."

"Well, keep trying..." K told her, peering over her shoulder as she typed furiously on the keyboard in front of her.

"Why do you look so angry?" Jay asked, appearing on Pearl's left side. "Well, angrier than usual, I should say."

"I'm not angry..." K scanned each of the monitor feeds for any sign of a disturbance, frowning as he realized how loud the monotonic chanting had become. "Pearl, can you turn that down? I don't need surround sound to know that something serious is going on in that auditorium."

Pearl looked up at him and frowned. "The volume is barely on, K. That's not the feed."

K and Pearl looked up and sure enough, Agent Jay was chanting and dancing exactly like the crowd in the auditorium. "Is there any way to stop him?"

Pearl thought for a minute before she spun back around to her keyboard and began typing in codes and commands that only she and the computer seemed to understand. "Let's try muting all the monitors..."

Sure enough, moments later Jay had returned to his normal state, a confused expression on his face as he found himself bent over with his right arm up in the air. "That was some trip..." He stood up and stretched, returning to his place by Pearl.

"That was strange even for you," Pearl commented, still typing. "But now we've established that the device hypnotizes on an audio frequency... Which feed were you looking at when you went into the trance?" Jay pointed at the feed that showed the area just offstage, where the only things visible were a soundboard with blinking lights, the operators of which were dancing as the others were, and the curtain, which Mark McGrath was standing next to. A few more keystrokes, and Pearl had a close-up of the sound boards displayed. "Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary here..."

"Wait," Jay said. "Go back."

"Okay..." A few keystrokes and, again, they were looking at the entire offstage area. "But why?"

"Mark McGrath isn't hypnotized." Jay pointed at Mark's robotic movements, which didn't seem any different to K and Pearl than what the others were doing. "He just missed a step and stopped singing for a few seconds."

Pearl instantly pulled up a close-up of Mark and, in particular, his microphone. "There's definitely something odd about that microphone. Looks like we've found our transmitter."

"Can you shut it down?" K asked, pulling out his cell phone.

"Of course. Might take me about a minute or so, but now that I know where to look..." As Pearl went to work, K called Emerald and The Rok to tell them to find Mark.

"Make sure he doesn't get away!" K emphasized to his agent over the phone, hanging up after her reply. He knew that they needed to get Mark back to HimTak and question him about FANS. The more they knew about this new organization, the better.


± ± ±


Back in the MGM Grand, Nick was tapping his finger on the face of his watch. “There must be some sort of interference, Pearl, you’re coming in and out.”

“Nick,” Pearl’s voice cackled through the static, “it’s Mark… the microphone… transmitter…”

Nick lifted his eyes across the stage just in time to see the show’s host put his hand to a tiny earpiece. As he began pushing buttons on the bottom of his microphone, Pearl’s broken message about a transmitter clicked in Nick’s mind, and he instantly began forming a plan.

He scanned the crowd of hypnotized wannabe pop stars and began to awkwardly imitate their robotic dance as he slowly made his way across the stage. He’d nearly reached his target when the song came to an end and Mark McGrath turned to the camera with a big smile. “Thank you, Sanjay, for that totally rockin’ performance. Up next, we have Nick Carter returning to the stage.”

Nick froze at the mention of his name. He knew he would never get the chance to make his move if he blew his cover now, so he joined Mark with stiff movements and lifeless eyes.

There were so many people watching his every move. Dr. Rough smirked with a deep satisfaction as he watched HimTak’s golden boy fall victim to his evil scheme on the screen in front of him. The fact that it was his biggest threat who would now help make the final phase of his brainwashing ploy complete was a sweet taste of unexpected victory.

Justin watched from the shadows above with his mind not focusing on the situation, but rather drifting on a sea of painful, confusing memories.

And agents Jay, K, and Pearl sat glued to the monitors, each finding ways to hide their feelings of fear.

“Turn the sound back on. I want to hear what they’re saying.”

Pearl followed Jay’s orders without question and, again, silence filled the room. “Okay, Nick, this is the final round of the competition, and it looks like you have your work cut out for you if you want to come out on top. What song are you going to sing for us tonight?”

Nick gazed mindlessly into the camera. “Thank you, Mr. McGrath.”

Pearl drew her hand to her mouth to cover the gasp she released at the complete monotone sound in Nick’s voice. “They’ve gotten to Nick too!”

Pearl’s bright eyes glossed over, but both of her superiors remained calm, save the single glance they shot each other. Agent K pulled his phone from his pocket and thumbed down to the number for Emerald.

“Tonight I will be singing ‘Mambo Number Five.’”

Again, Pearl gasped.

“You okay, sweetie?”

Kevin looked up from his phone. “What? What is it?”

Pearl looked into the pair of deep green eyes. “Mambo Number Five!” she screamed with excitement.

Kevin looked at Pearl and then to Jay, hoping he could explain her crazy behavior. “Mambo Number Five!” she yelled again. “Mambo Number Five!”

K and Jay turned their attention back to the monitor as Nick robotically took the microphone from Mark. “One, two, three, four, five,” he chanted.

Jay cringed at the performance, but Pearl had regained her hope and giggled at her friend on the screen in front of her. This would definitely be blackmail material. As Nick did a horrible robot dance, he managed to flip the switch on the bottom of the mic, turning the transmitter off. Jay caught the move and grinned with pride. “You sly dog.”

Pearl wrapped her arms around Jay in a hug of relief, but Kevin’s eyes never left the screen. He watched and waited and, sure enough, the effects of the mind control began to slowly wear off.

The longer Nick sang, the more he began to slip into the role and enjoy himself. His voice began to hit the notes perfectly, and his movements became playful and full of energy. “I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra, and Rita! And as I continue, you know they’re getting sweeter!”

Soon, Nick was carried away in the moment and had all but forgotten the mission. Mark caught on to what was happening and dove at him. The move took Nick by surprise and allowed Mark to get the better of him for a split second. He knocked Nick to the ground and got the mic in his hands long enough to turn the transmitter back on.

Nick regained his heading and came at Mark with full force. The washed-up sellout was no match for the highly-trained secret agent and quickly fell victim to Nick’s harsh blows. He was able to get in a shot here and there, but as they struggled on the stage, it was clear who the victor would be.

Justin swooped down from his place in the rafters on a rope the same way he’d managed to climb into them, and he killed the power to the TV cameras. Pearl was shocked to lose the feed, but she tapped into one of the hotel’s security cameras just in time to see Nick knock Mark out cold.

Nick scrambled to his feet, but when he reached the mic, he was met with a much more worthy opponent. For a brief moment, he looked into the eyes of his old friend and was overcome with guilt. Justin’s good eye narrowed, and he used Nick’s hesitation to his advantage. He hit Nick so hard that he fell to the ground, unable to breath.

Nick, being trained to take a hit, rose to his feet in a stance that was unmistakable - Nick Carter was pissed and about to kick some serious ass. Justin matched his stance, and they stood there, daring the other to make the first move. Everyone watching knew their history and could see that this fight, this showdown, was so much more than a battle for a victory. In a flash, they were on top of each other, hitting and kicking and flipping and choking. Anything they could do to prevent the other from getting the transmitter.

Nick managed to get a hand on the mic first, and he smashed it, sending a million tiny pieces about the stage, but the fight didn’t end there. The two old comrades flew at one another in a battle that would make Mohammad Ali nervous. So much emotion was released with each punch and there was so much emotional hurt that the two would have continued on forever if they could, but eventually, they were too tired to throw any more blows.

As they panted for breath and wiped the blood from their faces, they continued to stare at one another. Nick saw the hatred in Justin’s eyes. He could no longer stand it and had to ask the question. “Why?”

Justin was caught off-guard by the hurt in Nick’s voice. He couldn’t believe that Nick felt betrayed when it was he who had been treated in such a manner.

“How could you do it? I’m sorry you had to leave the agency, but how could you go to work for them? Can’t you see you’re on the wrong side?”

There was such urgency in Nick’s plea that Justin found himself questioning his own actions.

Nick looked into the cold, dead machinery that covered the scar from that awful day. He barely seemed human anymore. “Drums… Justin… Tell me who’s done this to you.”

At his words, Justin’s hatred returned. “You know damn well who did this to me!” he snarled. “And you deserve to die for it!”

Nick felt so deeply guilty that he let his guard down, and Justin pounced on him. He punched and punched until Nick could barely see and would have killed him, had not a crowd of confused people gathered around them.

“Nick!”

Justin jumped up and vanished in the sea of bodies, just as Diamond burst through it and fell to his side.


± ± ±
Remember Me: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana
He could feel the hatred boil through his non-existent eye as he stared at this man who had been inferior to him in every way while he was at the agency. How was it that he now could defeat him and thwart the carefully laid out plans?

“Ahhh!” Justin yelled in frustration as he turned and ran. He would not let them take him in, and they would not let him end his vengeance. He would be back, and he would take his revenge on the group that turned him away for his ‘defect.’

Justin ran down an alley and slumped to the ground, hidden between two trash dumpsters. He dropped his head into his hands; he could feel tears start to well in his good eye. Unwilling to cry, Justin slammed his fist into the dumpster next to him. Pain was better then sadness. He clutched his hurt hand tightly and threw his head back against the wall behind him. Closing his eye, he let the pain wash out the other feelings the emerged from his defeat and memories of HimTak.


He had been watching places he knew that HimTak agents frequented. Now that he was on a list, there was no way he could get close enough to the building, but if the agents were outside the building when he took them, that was a different story. He could see J.C. approaching the spot where he was hiding, his anger rising. It was not the agent he wanted, but any HimTak agent would do for the beginning of his revenge. It would only be a matter of seconds before he would reach the spot; then he could grab him and let the torture begin.

“You’ll find revenge this way satisfying for awhile, but it will not hold you.” A voice startled him from behind. He turned to face the man holding a ferret in his arms.

“Get out of here, you freak!” Justin shouted at him and turned back, realizing it would now be too late to grab J.C. “You made me miss him!” Justin turned back to the man behind him and moved forward to knock him down. The man made a slight, quick movement, and he was out of the way of Justin’s attempt.

“I think you will make a nice addition.” The man smirked as he ran his hand down the ferret’s fur.

“Addition? Are you some sort of collector? You are a freak; leave me be.”

“Ah, freak, many a HimTak agent has called me that too.” He smiled widely as realization came over Justin’s face. “Yes, I know of the group; I know of how they only take the elite, those that are considered attractive even, and let the rest of us to accept it, even expect us to revere them. If you are not perfect, they toss you aside like an apple core. I was rejected, but I refused to lie down and take it so I formed my own group of anti-agents to take HimTak down. Only when the agency is defeated will the group wither and die. Taking out one agent is only a flesh wound to them – take down the entire group, and you defeat the enemy.”

“How do you propose to do that?” Justin asked, wary, but intrigued.

“I have a group of my own, designed to take HimTak down and wreak as much damage as possible in the process. And of course, taking over the world is always on the agenda.” He cackled gleefully.

“I care nothing about taking over the world, but if taking down HimTak is something you are aiming for, I’m in.”

The other man paused from petting the ferret to look up, his eyes shining with an evil craziness. “Excellent.”



Justin had been told all about FANS and their objectives. He knew immediately that he wanted to be a part of this group to take HimTak and all their ‘pretty’ agents down.

There had been a tough few weeks where he was under top surveillance at the FANS headquarters. They had to make sure he was on their side and not undercover for HimTak. In the end, he had passed all their tests and soon soared to the right hand man of the group. Now he had failed in this mission.

He slammed his hand against the dumpster again and stood. He needed to get back. Another plan would be formulating in his leader’s head, and he would be needed to help implement the new tactic for taking down those who had stolen his rightful place and all those who thought him not good enough to serve anymore.

Vengeance would be his, no matter how long it took.


± ± ±


“Nick? Nick can you hear me? Say something.”

Nick’s head fell lightly from side to side, and his eyes slowly rolled back to the front of his head. He looked up into the concerned eyes of one Diamond Divine and somehow managed to turn his swollen upper lip into a cheesy grin. “I must have died and gone to heaven ‘cause I see an angel right in front of me.”

Nick laughed, amused with his cliché one-liner, but his laugh turned into a cough of pain when Diamond slugged him. “Damnit, Carter, you scared the shit out of me!”

Diamond laughed, but there was fear in her voice, and the moment turned instantly back to business. “Where’s Drums?”

“I’m sorry, Nick, he’s gone.”

“Shit! And McGrath? Please tell me we have at least one of these evil bastards to fry.”

Diamond nodded and, with a sexy smile, began to clear the blood from Nick’s swollen face. Her touch was so delicate that Nick’s mind once again drifted from the mission.

“You know,” he began as he pulled Diamond close to him, “we’ve still got a room upstairs, and the trunk on that new car of mine is definitely bigger than any holding cell Mark’s gonna get where he’s going. He’ll be fine for a few hours...”

Diamonds face lit up with delight, and she pressed her lips firmly to Nick’s. “I think that’s the best plan you’ve come up with since we got here.”

Nick, still running high on adrenaline and ready to release the tension this emotional mission had caused, pulled Diamond onto his lap, kissing her more deeply.

“We could take more than a couple hours,” Diamond suggested, gasping for breath. “It’s time to celebrate your first case back on the job. We could order up some champagne, maybe a little room service.”

“What about McGrath?” Nick teased while his hands began to wander from Diamond’s back.

“You don’t have to worry about Mark. Emerald’s here with some CIA guy. They’re gonna take him into custody. We could make a night of it.”

Nick’s eyes flew open at the realization of Diamond’s words. He was on his feet so fast that Diamond hit the ground with a loud thump. It only took him a split second to spot the Avril Lavigne wannabe and the stiff in the suit and you could practically see the steam spewing from his ears as he stalked his way over to them.

Emerald watched him come with disgust seeping from her deep green eyes. “What’s the matter, 008, misplace your Viagra?”

“What the hell is this?”

Agent Littrell was shocked, not only by the volume of Nick’s rant, but that his anger was directed at him. Emerald smirked widely and placed her hand lightly on Brian’s arm. “This, Nick, is a real man. Get a good look and then take notes. Agent Brian Littrell of the CIA, meet Nick Carter.”

Brian held out his hand at the introduction, but Nick never even saw it. “What the hell is the CIA doing here?”

“We’ve been sent to bring him in.”

“The hell you are! This was my damn assignment! My perp! I’m bringing him in!”

“I’m sorry, son, but I have my orders, and they came straight from your boss.”

“Who the fuck you calling son?”

“He’s right. K’s the one who sent him here. He told us to bring him in and he wants you to see Doc Jewel right away.”

Nick looked at Brian as if he were ready to kill the man and pry the criminal from his cold dead fingers. And although Nick towered over the man, Brian, struggling to control his own temper, stood his ground firmly. Maybe that’s where the alias “The Rok” came from.

Nick began to see his defeat, but was not yet willing to back down. No way was he going to let this go without a fight.


± ± ±


“This is bullshit!”

Normally, Nick loved watching his mentor hard at work; no one could interrogate like Agent Jay. But instead of being in the room with him, getting to play a bit of good cop, bad cop, he was forced to watch from behind the one-way glass while he listened to his boss give custody of the prisoner over to the CIA.

“008, you’d better curb that temper fast.”

“You’re just gonna hand him over? Just like that? To the US fucking government? They don’t give a shit about this case!”

“This case? Mr. Carter, you stopped the bad guys. You saved the day, and America’s grateful. This case is solved.”

The condescending tone in Brian’s voice only angered Nick more.

“You see what I mean? That’s the shit I’m talking about! This case is far from over. Until we find that organization, there will be others. Many others! And what about Drums, are we just going to pretend he wasn’t there?”

The mention of the ex-HimTak agent-turned-terrorist sent such a chill through the room that even Kevin stiffened. His voice became quiet and almost sympathetic. “We’ll get him, Nick.”

Brian was shocked at the change, and to hear Kevin call this snot-nosed, cocky, prima donna by his first name in such a fatherly way actually stung. “Kev, is there something you’re not telling me? You swore you were going to cooperate with us one hundred percent on this. That’s why I let you question the man before I take him back to Virginia.”

“I’ve told you everything I know. You know I have.”

“Then who is this Drums person?”

Kevin sighed. “That’s a long story. And one that has nothing to do with this case, I assure you.”

“If he was there, then he has everything to do with this case, and I want to know everything about him.”

“As if we’d tell you a damn thing!” exploded Nick. “You would take the information back to all your little friends in the Pentagon as fast as you could, and they’d have everything fucked up before breakfast.”

Brian could no longer bite his tongue, and he blew up in Nick’s face. “I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you’d better cut the shit before I have you arrested for treason!”

“Brian! Nickolas!”

Brian and Nick stopped their bickering, both completely dumbfounded that Agent K had actually raised his voice. Kevin crossed his arms tightly across his chest and stared at the two of them until he once again had complete control of the situation. “Whether you’re on the same team or not, you two are some of the world’s best in fighting terrorists.”

Kevin walked over to a desk and picked up a thick file. He held up the folder with the words ‘TOP SECRET’ stamped across it. “Brian, I have told you everything you need to know and, Nick, you know I will not let this case fall apart, so you’d both better trust me on this. And you damn well better learn to trust each other because in our line of work, not trusting your partner will get you killed!”

Nick’s mouth practically dropped to the floor. “Partner?”

Kevin handed Nick the file in his hand. “I have your next assignment, and I need the two of you together on this one.”

Nick and Brian glanced almost fearfully at one another and simultaneously lost their tempers again.

“WHAT?!”


± ± ±
Ice Ice Baby: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana


Deep in the Antarctic circle, beyond the place where the Southern Ocean meets the South Pacific, flows the Ross Sea. Its frigid waters lap against the icy coast of Antarctica, and the Ross ice shelf floats on top, blocking off an otherwise gaping inlet.

The cliffs at the edge of the ice shelf, the largest on the continent, are normally quite barren, but on that particular day, a lone penguin lurked at the precipice, a mere black dot against the gray horizon from the view of an approaching ship.

And there was a ship approaching.

It, too, was only a speck on the horizon, from the view of the rockhopper, and at first the creature merely stood there, studying it through narrowed, red eyes. The penguin didn’t look away until a weak ray of sunlight caught the steel gray hull of the ship, giving it a metallic gleam. Its eyes, far keener underwater than above land, could not yet decipher the four initials stenciled on the side, but it had seen enough. This was the ship it had been waiting for.

Without further delay, the penguin waddled to the very edge of the cliff on which it stood, and, inches away from toppling over the side, suddenly threw back its head and let out three very distinct, shrill squawks.

Fifteen meters below, from its perch on a floating pancake of ice at the base of the shelf, a second rockhopper responded, sounding two cries of its own. Then it plunged headfirst into the freezing water.

Like a small torpedo, the penguin streaked through the sea. Ahead of it loomed the massive form of an iceberg, its craggy bottom jutting miles below the surface, into the cold, black waters. But the penguin went the opposite direction, powering up to the surface and poking its strangely crested head above the waterline.

Seemingly unintimidated by the mountain of ice towering over it, it swam straight up to the berg, to a place where the ice seemed to have cracked in an elliptical shape, and tapped its beak against the ice three times.

At once, the ice began to move, giving way from the rest of the berg as it swung in, revealing an opening. The penguin scrambled inside, and the ice door shut again almost immediately, camouflaging itself in the berg once more.

A pair of hands reached down to scoop up the penguin, and the rockhopper soon found itself being carried in the arms of a man whose black and white braided hair sort of resembled its own spiky, yellow crest. The odd-looking pair moved swiftly through a network of vaulted, glimmering hallways, all carved out of the ice, to a chamber with a tall, arced door. The man knocked sharply on the door, and a voice from within called out dramatically, “Enter!”

In they went, finding themselves in an impressive chamber where nature met modern technology and luxury. Though made of ice, this lair held all of the comforts of home – a colossal bed made up with many down pillows and warm-looking blankets, all in deep purple; a large, wrap-around desk seated with the biggest executive chair the man (not to mention the penguin) had ever seen; a walk-in closet filled with heavy coats, warm furs, fleece pullovers, and cozy sweaters. A large, polar bear skin rug was splayed over the ice floor, and rigged inside the thick ice walls were a series of TV screens, each showing a different view from the surveillance cameras positioned all around the ice fortress and, indeed, also from the FANS base in the swamps of Florida.

The man with the braids shivered as he put down the wet penguin; oh, how he wished he could be back in the hot, humid Everglades. Even with its comforts, it was always chilly inside Dr. Rough’s ice fortress. Still, he knew he was here for a good reason, a noble reason, and was glad to have been chosen as one of the agents his master trusted most to join him here for this most important undertaking.

Standing just inside the doorway, he cleared his throat. “Dr. Rough, one of your scouts has returned to tell us the Russian ship is in sight.”

The executive chair swung slowly around to reveal a small man, whose head had been invisible behind the tall back of the chair. “Excellent,” he smiled, his large white teeth gleaming, and pressed the tips of his fingers together sinisterly. “Thank you, Chris Kirkpatrick.”

“At your service, Dr. Rough,” answered Chris with a little bow, but Dr. Rough was no longer looking at him.

Reaching out both hands, he made his voice go high and sweet as he called out, “Come here, Michael Jackson! Who’s Dr. Rough-Rough’s good little spy?”

The penguin let out a cheerful squawk and skidded across the floor to its master. Dr. Rough picked it up and tickled it playfully under its beak. “Such a good, smart boy, Michael Jackson, yes you are!” he cooed.

Chris blinked, watching the evil genius he idolized so much coddle the penguin as if it were his own child. “Why did you name that one Michael Jackson?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“Because he’s both black and white and does the moonwalk,” answered Dr. Rough matter-of-factly, without looking up at Chris. “Come on, Michael Jackson, let’s do the moonwalk!” he commanded the penguin, and the rockhopper instantly shot up and out of his arms, landing on the smooth ice floor. Chris watched in amusement as the animal started to glide backwards, performing a perfect penguin moonwalk.

“Amazing, isn’t he?” said Dr. Rough with a smug smile as he patted the penguin on its crested head. “Good boy, Michael Jackson, well done.”

Momentarily distracted by the penguin antics, Chris suddenly remembered the reason he was here and said, “Dr. Rough, the ship must be getting close by now.”

A look of alarm flickered on Dr. Rough’s face, and he stood up abruptly, the penguin hopping out of his way. “Of course. I’ll go to meet it.”

“Should… should I go with you, sir?” asked Chris hopefully, but Dr. Rough ignored the request.

“Take Michael Jackson back to the penguin paddock,” he ordered. “I’ll see to it myself. Come, Dr. Twitches!”

Dr. Rough’s favorite minion, even more prized than Michael Jackson, instantly poked his head out of his small, purple padded bed and slinked over to his master. Dr. Rough knelt down, allowed the ferret to climb onto his shoulders, and left the chamber without a word, Dr. Twitches draped happily around his neck.

Watching them go, Chris sighed. “Well, come on, MJ,” he said glumly and beckoned to the penguin, who waddled obediently out of the room after him.


± ± ±


Dr. Rough strode through the hallways of his fortress with purpose, emerging on a different side of the berg, where he’d designed a large loading dock. Several more of his agents waited there, where he’d stationed them, ready to help unload the special “shipment” they were about to receive.

“Fischetti, Timmons, let down the ramp,” he commanded, and the two minions scrambled to their places on either side of the dock, powering two large cranks that slowly lowered a large slab of ice from the side of the berg, extending it outward into the water so that it formed a bridge from the sea into the fortress.

As they did so, the ship appeared. It was big, but unremarkable, except for that it flew the Russian flag and had the letters t.A.T.u. stenciled on the side of the hull. A triumphant smile spread across Dr. Rough’s face as he watched the ship glide slowly through the ice-strewn waters to dock at the ramp.

“Go help tie them off!” he commanded his minions.

“Yes, Dr. Rough; right away, Dr. Rough,” replied the well-trained agents, Brad Fischetti and Jeff Timmons. Both were well-built, suitable for tasks that required manual labor. They slid down the ice ramp and waited for the ship to pull up, then caught the ropes that were tossed down and tied them tightly to a couple of metal posts imbedded in the corners of the ramp, anchoring the vessel in place.

Tucking Dr. Twitches into the warmth of his fur-lined purple parka, Dr. Rough strode down the ramp to meet the commanders of the ship. They emerged a few moments later, climbing carefully down a steep set of metal steps. Once their feet were planted firmly on the ramp, they joined hands and turned to face the three men awaiting them.

Dr. Rough couldn’t help but smile again as he drank in the sight of his two newest allies. They were both beautiful young women, equally gorgeous, though in different ways. The taller of the two was curvy beneath her quilted winter gear; she had fair, porcelain skin, large blue eyes, and long, dark red hair that cascaded down her shoulders in tight curls. Her partner was petite and dark, with tanned skin, brown eyes, and short, spiky black hair.

“Ahh, ladies,” said Dr. Rough warmly, turning on the old Dorough charm. “Welcome to my humble ice fortress.” He turned and gestured to the towering iceberg behind him before returning his attention to the women. “You must be Lena and Yulia. And I am Dr. Rough.”

“Lena,” said the redhead coolly, stepping forward to shake his hand. “And zis iz Yulia.”

Dr. Rough took her hand, but raised it to his lips and kissed it instead of shaking. He did the same with Yulia. The two girls smiled, though the smiles did not quite reach their eyes.

Clearing his throat, Dr. Rough decided to get down to business. “Well,” he said brusquely, “I assume you have the weapon we spoke of?”

“Of course,” answered Lena. “Ve have it here in ze cargo hold.”

“Excellent. Let me just have my agents here help unload it, and then we can head inside for some hot cocoa.”

Lena nodded and said something to Yulia in Russian. A moment later, Yulia spoke. “Vith vodka?” she asked hopefully.

Dr. Rough blinked. “Pardon?”

“Yulia prefers her cocoa vith vodka,” explained Lena, in less-broken English.

“Ahh… of course, of course. Yes, I think we can manage that, can’t we, Dr. Twitches?” Dr. Rough reached into his coat to stroke the head of his ferret, and Dr. Twitches chattered happily in response.

Meanwhile, Fischetti and Timmons were already sliding open the door to the cargo hold. Looking past the two women, Dr. Rough set his sights upon something even more beautiful… the weapon which they had smuggled to him.

His eye began to twitch with anticipation.


± ± ±
Ice Ice Baby: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
“You’re kidding, right? This is a joke?”

Nick Carter threw the file folder down with such force that its top-secret contents spilled across the meticulously clean desktop. If you looked closely enough, you would have seen the muscles under Agent K’s jaw clench ever so slightly. Otherwise, he remained completely calm during the interruption.

Kevin’s eyes fell to the clutter, and then up to the office door, where a nervous secretary was now leaning against the frame to catch his breath. “I’m sorry, Sir. I know you said no interruptions, but as much as I would love being on the receiving end of some manly brute force, Agent Carter scares me when he’s really angry.”

Agent Littrell of the CIA eyed the man curiously and was about to say something when Agent Jay subtly shook his head, suggesting it wasn’t worth the effort. Brian looked curiously at his cousin and was amazed to see the corners of his mouth twitching as if he were trying not to break out into a smile. “It’s alright, Mr. Lancybassy. I somewhat expected him. Just try and keep everyone else out.”

“Okie-dokie, boss, cross my heart!”

Lancy smiled and winked Brian’s direction as he practically skipped out of the room. Once the door was securely shut behind him, Kevin calmly scooped up the loose papers and placed them neatly back in the folder. “I never joke about work, 008.”

AJ and Brian looked at each other and giggled, thinking that Kevin had no idea just how true that statement was, until Kevin met them with a glare that sent chills up their spines. Nick followed his boss’s gaze and met Brian with a look of pure hatred. “Boss, you can’t trust the US government.”

Brian looked into Nick’s icy blue eyes, and the fire on his short fuse was now officially lit. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t think I need to repeat myself, but just in case your hearing is as good as your judgment, I said the US fucking government are a bunch of selfish, lying bastards, and I wouldn’t trust you with that weapon any more than I trust a terrorist ring. Hell, I’m not sure there’s much of a difference between the two.”

Brian’s knuckles went white as he clenched his fists tight enough to turn coal into diamonds. “This is the kind of person you’re trusting the fate of the world with? Kev, I respect the hell out of you, man, but there’s a reason you and I are not on the same team.”

“Damn right, there’s a reason! Lucky for us, the gene pool is pretty broad in your family.”

“Nick!” Kevin hissed. “You will get control of yourself right now, or you will find yourself without a job.”

Nick literally forced his teeth sharply into his tongue to keep it from running away from him, but he was still so angry that he jumped when AJ placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. Kevin also placed a hand on his cousin’s shoulder. “Different styles, but one purpose. That puts us on the same team. You are both exceptional agents, and I expect you to set aside your personal issues and find that missing weapon.”

Nick and Brian continued to stare one another down, and Kevin was quickly reaching his boiling point. “Now,” he grumbled, “would be nice.”

AJ forced a smile to the man he only trusted because K trusted him. “Why don’t you head down to the lab; we’ve already got someone working on it. With any luck, she’s cracked the system already.”

Brian headed for the door, making no mature effort to miss Nick as he passed. Nick felt the force of The Rok smash into his shoulder, and he quickly whirled around to confront the smaller man, but AJ wisely stepped in his way and grabbed hold of his punching arm. “Let’s go for a walk, kid,” he said, practically dragging Nick out of Kevin’s office.

AJ strolled lightheartedly down the hallway, but never loosened his grip on Nick’s arm. They were just about to find sanctuary in AJ’s office when they ran into Shazam. He smirked when he saw that Nick was agitated and ignored the warning look AJ gave him. “So, 008, I heard your first mission back went so well that they’re letting the CIA baby-sit you. They can’t even spare Diamond this time around; that’s too bad, man. Better luck next time.”

AJ felt Nick’s arm harden in his hand, and he could have held him back, but he’d never really cared much for JC’s sparkling personality, and he figured better him now than Brian later, so he let go. The moment Nick was free, his fist connected with JC’s face, sending him flying back against the wall. Nick didn’t stop to admire the damage he’d done to the pretty face, and he barely herd the muffled, “What the fuck, Carter!” as he stormed into AJ’s office and plopped into the chair behind the desk.

AJ shut the door behind him and the moment it was secure, he burst into laughter. “Dude, if anyone asks, I tried my best to hold you back.”

Nick sat for a moment, wanting to brood in peace, but watching his so-called “boss” crack up over the interoffice violence forced an unwanted smirk to appear on his face. AJ smiled when he saw it and took on a more serious attitude. “Got it out of your system now, man? Because you’re already on thin ice, and shit like that is not the best way to prove that you’re ready to be back.”

Nick let go a long sigh of frustration. “You know I can handle it. This ain’t about that.”

“I know you can. I am the one that assigned you this case.”

“Then why the CIA?”

“Hell, I don’t know. Personally, the guy creeps me out with all the smiling and the ‘pleases’ and ‘thank-you’s.’ And that damn accent! I had to listen to Emerald blab on for an hour about ‘that hot CIA guy’s sexy voice.’ You think I liked that shit?”

Nick smirked at the thought of someone as obnoxious as Emerald crushing on such a straight-laced fuddy-duddy. “But I know Kevin, man,” AJ continued, “and if he wants him to go, then like it or not, you’re stuck with him.”

“Have you read the file? Do you really want America to get their hands on something like that? I thought HimTak was supposed to stay neutral.”

“Part of the glory of being the boss is that I get to read all the files, even yours. I know all about your sister.”

Nick flinched in surprise at AJ’s confession, and his eyes glossed over with the tiniest hint of moisture. AJ squatted down to eye level with Nick and dropped a hand firmly on his shoulder. “If Kevin says we can trust him, then we can trust him. But more than that, I need you to stay focused on this mission. We have reason to believe that whoever stole that weapon is the same organization that was behind the World Idol scandal.”

Flashes of his previous mission whizzed through Nick’s mind, and AJ now had his full attention. “You let Brian worry about that weapon. If we’re dealing with the same people, then there’s a chance that we might be dealing with-

“Drums.”

“You gotta find him, man. He’s our responsibility.”

Nick nodded his head with new determination. He was responsible for that monster; he was. Not AJ, not Himitsu Takana, but he, Nick Carter. And he was going to be the one to stop him.


± ± ±


Footsteps resounded through the metal laboratory as Brian made his way down. It seemed larger and surprisingly more advanced than the many he knew of at the CIA. Kevin had told him to go here for more information on the Russian weapon taken for their next mission, while Nick had been pulled aside by one of the other agents.

Nick, heh. The guy had no self-control and was a poor excuse for any type of agent, and he knew the government never would let someone like him become an agent for the CIA. He was amazed Kevin had let him in. Now his cousin thought it was a good idea to pair them together? Was this some unfair joke?

Brian's sky-colored eyes glanced around for the scientist he was supposed to meet. The "best in the business," as Kevin said, for technology and the ability to get the information they needed.

Sitting at the main table, surrounded by a complicated-looking computer system with many video screens – many displaying what he assumed to be other agents on missions – sat a young woman, younger than him, with loose, curly, blonde hair and bright, blue eyes. Hearing him, she turned with a small smile.

"You must be CIA boy." She smirked. "I could hear you and Blondie fighting all the way down here."

"Blondie?"

"Nick. Jay told me about the new mission, and so I'm trying to hack into the Russian government system." She patted the chair beside her. "Take a seat; shouldn't take too long. The Russian system is easier to hack into than the US one, which, so you know, is shockingly simple."

Was everyone at Himitsu Takana annoying? Or just the ones he was forced to interact with? "Wait a minute-"

"Chill. Call me Pearl, by the way. I was telling you how easy it is so you'd tell them. Besides, HimTak isn't out to attack America; we're out to protect people on a global scale. We're above the petty issues countries have with each other; we just want to keep the peace."

"I want to keep the world safe too, ya know. America has the resources to do that, and-"

Her slender fingers flew across the keyboard as her gaze skipped between the main computer screen and Brian. This woman, this person who was so young (in this business), was the scientist? He wasn’t sure whether to be surprised or impressed. Yet she did annoy him a bit, much like his new partner. “I hear you do things differently at the CIA than their other agents-”

“Whatever is right and gets the job done.”

"So we get each other. ‘Cause it’s really just different ideas, same goal. Can’t say I’m a fan of government-related agents myself, but you seem okay. You're K's cousin, so I know you wouldn't be here unless he trusted you." Her lips curved into a grin as Nick began to make his way into her sanctuary of technology, weapons, and metal. "I like that southern accent of yours, by the way."

"Pearl..." Nick started as he stepped beside Brian, still fuming. Agent Jay had calmed him down a lot. He had a way of doing that, always able to relate to him. Still, the idea of working with this government pawn irritated him to no end. "How's the hack job?"

"Allll-most done. By the way, Blondie, I loved that ‘Mambo No. 5’ performance. I saved that cute little moment on video."

“You can’t…that’s just wrong!”

“What can I say? A performance like that is pure gold.”

The government agent raised a brow. "Maybe instead of trying to play wannabe-hero, Carter, you can sing and leave the world saving to the real agents."

Two pairs of blues met angrily. If looks could kill, both men would have been frozen to death by now from the cold, harsh stares alone. "Not even five minutes, and I am already sick of your ass, Littrell! You couldn't handle this mission on your own. All the government pawns do is fuck things up anyway. I'm on this to save your ass and keep it out of trouble." To Nick, nothing he said was false. The man angered him beyond measure; all that Brian represented was, in his mind, worthless, for more reasons than one.

"You want to try saying that again?" Brian demanded as he stood toe to toe with the taller man with the thicker frame. Still, his eyes never lost that determined look. There were several reasons why he was known by many as The Rok, and this was one of them. This poor excuse of an agent didn’t scare him in the slightest.

"Hey! Agents acting like teenagers drugged up on hormones, I just got into the system!" Pearl's voice called out, interrupting them both before they could go any further.

The two leaned over to take a look, putting the squabble on hold for the moment. Brows furrowed at the site before them. Nick shifted his eyes over to his friend. "I can't read any of it."

"You and me both, buddy. This baby must be big; it's encoded. And I’m almost positive it's in Russian, to boot. A language I only know the basics of. Perfect. I'm okay with codes, but this isn't my area at all, and I'd muck it up. Ugh, we're gonna have to dig up the cryptographer, unless CIA boy knows how to decode this."

"We have a cryptographer?"

"Yeah we do; we just don't need him that often. Okay, where is my communi-com that links me to the specialized areas...?"

The southern man shook his head as he brushed himself free of invisible lint idly. "Forget it. I know a person. She's the best."

"Great, more government people."

"Ya need to shut it right now."

"Why? I'm only speaking the truth. It's like how the US government thinks it can bomb its way to peace. The people don't want it, and yet they fucking do it. Perfect example. And ya know, bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity, and yet the US government is THAT damn stupid-"

Pearl stepped between them yet again before it got ugly, pushing them apart. "Okay don't make me put you two in corners. You're on the mission together. Deal. Brian, where is this cryptographer you mentioned? She really that good?"

A grin slowly made its way across the CIA agent's face, his dimples popping up amidst his defined cheekbones and lighting up his face. Just the thought of his girl made such a difference and easily helped soothe the frustrations he‘d been dealing with. Ashavari… he couldn‘t wait to see her again. "She's the best, and she's in LA."

Pearl beamed at them as she patted the two of them on the back. “Good, you two go, and promise not to kill each other. I will see it, you know. And I’ll find a way to stop it; just ask Nick,” she informed them with a silent chuckle as she thought of the underwear incident from the last mission.

Knowing what she meant, Nick smirked. Ignoring it, he started towards the garage, the door connecting it to the laboratory opening as he did. He paused and turned his head back towards Brian. "Let’s go. Oh, and we're taking MY car."


± ± ±


Once at the car, even Brian was impressed by the sleek appeal the vehicle had. He smirked as Nick used the remote to open the doors. "I'm driving."

"Look, you can't drive."

"Of course I can drive; it's just a car."

Nick rolled his eyes. Stubborn. Typical government, ignoring the people, right? Fine, let him try, but he'd still show him. They both got into the car, Nick discreetly pushing the remote to open the door so Brian could get in thinking all was normal. "No, I mean you cannot drive, you American Idiot." To add on to the insult, he then started singing the Green Day song that inspired said comment. Turning the IPod on, he played the song, letting his own voice blend in.

Don't want to be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new media
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind fuck America.


Head banging soon accompanied the singing of the Himitsu Takana agent, as his unwilling partner attempted to ignore him, turning the key in the engine yet again.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.


Seeing the other agent’s face fuming, Nick skimmed back to the last line again, singing it even louder as Brian began to attempt starting up the car. “I’m NOT part of a REDNECK agenda…!”

Snickers were hard to keep in as Brian’s eyes exploded with rage as he kept trying to start the car.

“Your singing is worse than a bunch of starving donkeys wailing for some hay. And your car is a lemon.”

“Heh, told you that you can’t drive it.” Then, just amused by watching, Nick continued singing, his arms waving around for this line like a mocking dance. “Now everybody do the propaganda... And sing along to the age of paranoia...”

Brian smirked back then, agitated and already wishing the mission was over and done with. His accent came through as a result of his inner rage. “Told ya you’d be better off leaving the world-saving to the real men and go off to sing pretty ‘ole songs.”

“Shut up.”

“Stop singing.”

“Hell no. Heh, I don’t care what K says; we can’t trust you, and I wish this mission is done.”

“Well, buddy, that feelin’s mutual. Now why can’t I get this car to start?”

With a roll of his eyes, Nick climbed out of the car. One way or another, they had to save the world. And so they would. He just didn’t have to like it. “Get out.”

“Why?”

“I’m serious, aight? Get out.”

“Fine.”

Nick motioned for him to get in the passenger seat as he took his own seat at the steering wheel. He let a grin escape as the car recognized his fingerprints and suddenly sprang to life. With just a hint of a smile forming, the younger blond agent sped out of the garage.

The car raced down the highway, nothing but desert all around them. Green Day‘s song “Wake Me Up When September Ends” was now on the IPod and made its way through the speakers. Nick took a sideways glance at Brian, whom he knew was wondering why the car wouldn‘t start for him.

Maybe Nick could try the calmer, more mature approach.

“See, Pearl modified the car, and it only lets me or her drive. Heh.”

Brian glanced the car over, took in the add-ons and new technology a classic car like this wouldn’t have. The CIA didn’t give out such neat toys. “It’s alright.” He smirked calmly. “I guess a below-average agent would need aid of extra equipment.” The smirk grew mockingly at Nick.

Or maybe the mature way was stupid.

“Or…” He shrugged, very simply, looking not even bothered by the verbal jab directed at him. “You just wish you had one…” His hand came off of the steering wheel and was soon pointing at Brian. “But you don’t…” The hand went back to the wheel so he could drive, as a set of chuckles escaped. His voice rose in false excitement. “Sucks for you!”

Both men set their jaws, determined not to kill the other, no matter how tempting. One thing was painfully obvious to both. It was going to be a long mission.


± ± ±
Ice Ice Baby: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
The rest of the drive went pretty smoothly for both agents. Nick focused on the road, and Brian tried to ignore his snide comments, giving his attention to the arid lands and his Blackberry. When Nick finally came to a halt in front of the CIA branch located in LA, it was the CIA agent’s turn to brag on. Noticing the small plaudit in 008’s face, a proud smile dispersed on Brian’s face.

“Welcome to the CIA, Agent 008.” He got out of the car and started walking towards the big, creamy white building, leaving a surprised agent behind, knowing full well that he would be soon following him.

No matter how much he despised the American government and all of its departments, mainly CIA, Nick had to admire the work of art and the air that captured him the minute he walked inside the agency’s building. After all, to quote Pearl, they were working for the same goal with only different ideas. Though, there was no way he would ever admit that to the arrogant prick who called himself an agent.

“Agent, my ass,” he muttered under his breath as he followed Brian, who was giving him a small tour of the building, through the main hall.

“And as you can see, this is our memorial wall on your left, every star representing an agent who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country,” Brian continued, showing the white wall with 87 stars on it. On top of it, Nick glanced at the inscription, which read, “In honor of those members of the Central Intelligence Agency who gave their lives in the service of their country.”

What about the innocent lives it took? Nick thought inwardly, almost unable to hold his tongue from saying it out loud. Gritting his teeth, his mind went back to that day, the day when his hatred towards the US government had started…

No, now was not a good time to start dwelling on the past. He couldn’t do it, not when they still had a lot to do with the stolen weapon. “Move on, Littrell,” he spoke seriously. “We don’t have time to honor your great, glorious past.”

Jolted by the serious tone of the younger agent’s voice, but getting irritated by yet another snide comment nonetheless, Brian’s jaw clenched, his hands balled into fists, and he stepped in Nick’s way. His glare, two deep blue eyes, meeting Nick’s, he spoke softly, but still threateningly enough to get Nick to back off.

“Look, you sorry ass of an agent, we are on my turf now, and you better act cooperative, or I call this mission off. I guess you wouldn’t want to be labeled a failure again now, would you? I don’t care what got stuck up your ass by the government before, but I can’t say I enjoy your presence either. So we can get on with it, or you can walk back to your shiny car, for all I care.”

A flash of anger and hatred passed through Nick’s eyes during Brian’s speech, and though he wanted Brian to meet his fist more than anything at the moment, he kept his desire to himself, knowing full well that they wouldn’t get anywhere if they went on with this. “Fine,” he just said, even calmer than he imagined he would be. “Now show me where this very precious and talented cryptographer of yours is.”

Sighing, Brian turned around and continued walking, and he didn’t say a word again till they reached the office where the certain cryptographer was. Through the glass doors, Nick could only see a woman with dark hair sitting with her back to him, working behind a computer with many screens.

“I already informed her about our coming,” Brian spoke, his eyes softening when he saw his dear agent. “I better go inside and let her know we are here. Mind staying here for a sec?”

Shaking his head, Nick watched Brian go through the glass doors and touch the woman’s shoulder. The woman looked up, and her face literally beamed when she saw whom it was. Getting up from her seat, she gave a sincere hug to Brian, and at that moment, Nick could finally get a full visual of her face.

“Well, well, aren’t you a piece of art?” he murmured, as a smile spread across his face. Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea at all to work with CIA. She wasn’t actually what he’d go for, normally, but with her long, dark hair and big, green eyes – he guessed they were green, as much as he could tell from that distance, and he had good vision – she had a totally different air than the blonde women he preferred. Not skinny, not chubby, but with a healthy figure, this CIA woman was just… a perfect appetizer. Suddenly, he noticed the weird hand motions of the pair, who were smiling and constantly moving their hands in a way of…

“Sign language? What the hell? Why do they talk in sign language?” He was seriously confused now, and before he had any time to process what was going on, they came out of the office and approached him.

“Well, Agent 008, let me introduce you to our very talented cryptographer, Ashavari Desai, also known as Opal to us.” Smiling broadly, Opal shook Nick’s hand and let it go again to do some more signs with her hands.

“She says, ‘It’s very nice to meet you’,” Brian translated, grinning from ear to ear. His small plan to make fun of this agent was going incredibly well. Oh, what he wouldn’t give to Kodak the stupid look on his face. Noticing Opal was continuing with her hand gestures, he quickly added, “Oh, and she says that she is very pleased to work with you to decode the weapon.”

Still baffled, but too experienced with every kind of women to miss the opportunity, Nick gently took Opal’s small hand and brought it to his lips, trying not to break the eye contact. With a flash of his ever-charming smile, he spoke carefully, making sure she could read his lips.

“Pleasure is all mine, milady.”

Trying hard to hold his laughter and wishing he had his camera with him once again, Brian tried to keep a straight face as much as he could, making a mental note to take Opal out to dinner for agreeing to do this.

“Let’s get going, shall we?” He broke Nick’s inefficacious Romeo gestures and motioned to go inside the office, adding a couple of weak hand movements just to make sure Nick wouldn’t get suspicious. Opal smiled broadly and nodded. Her big, green eyes were showing how much fun she was having, and, of course, only Brian could understand that.

“She likes me,” Nick stated, as both agents followed her inside, his eyes not leaving Opal’s rear for a second. He heard Brian scoff, loud enough for him to understand that he thought else. “So you say she’s deaf?” Nick questioned Brian, as Opal seated herself in her remaining position and the two agents stood behind her. The last thing on his mind now was the stolen weapon.

“Hearing impaired, we like to call it, Carter. We, as polite people,” Brian retorted. The game was fun, but it was starting to bother him that Nick was actually paying so much attention to her. She was Opal, for God’s sake, HIS Opal. Desperate to change the subject, he cleared his throat. “I believe Opal can hack into the Russian system quickly and will be able to tell us what this weapon is all about.”

“Man, you got yourself a winner here. Never know CIA was employing such babes.” Nick grinned, not even showing one sign of interest in their mission. “How do you learn this sign language stuff by the way? Can she read lips?” Glancing the woman who showed no sign of understanding, he looked back at Brian. “Well she can kiss my lips instead of reading but..”

Now Brian was having enough of it already. “Look, man, she won’t be interested in you, take my word. She knows better than to date stupid agents.”

“Ha, I can sense she doesn’t give you the time of the day, but who can blame her, eh?”

“Oh, shut up, you two.” The voice that came beside Nick startled him, and suddenly – as quick as the red color spreading inch by inch over his face – he realized how they’d gotten him.

“Oh yeah, man, we got you bad.” Brian’s annoying laugh was topped off with a high-five from Opal.

“Sorry, Agent Carter, but I just couldn’t resist the urge,” Opal spoke with her calm, soothing voice. “But I’d like to take your words about me as compliments. So, thank you.”

Her smile was contagious. “Your welcome, Opal,” Nick said with a small smile, still not able to shake off his embarrassment. “And call me 00Carter, please. Or Nick.” His tone was still flirty. I think I hang out with Diamond too much, he thought, when he noticed it.

“Don’t you learn from experience, or are you too stupid to notice she doesn’t give a damn about you-?”

“Guys!” Both agents turned their attention back to Opal, who was looking between two screens and continuously typing on the keyboard. For the next couple of seconds, the only sound was the aggressive click of the keys. When she spoke again, only three words left her beautiful lips. “Oh my God.”

“What? What’s wrong? What’s the weapon about?” Nick bombarded the questions, his eyes darting from one screen to the other in order to understand what this complicated weapon was about. Opal typed some more, and this time the image of the weapon appeared in front of them. Not a photo of what the weapon really looked like, but a blueprint of it.

“From what I can understand, this weapon is a type of a laser,” Opal informed them, her eyes reading quickly the imprints and additional information written on the blueprint. “A type of laser that melts ice, huge amounts of ice. Like icebergs and polar ice caps. And…”

“And? There’s more?” Brian questioned, confused with the information he’d just learned. What could possibly be done with such a weapon?

“And it can evaporate large amounts of water, namely oceans, if it’s used with the right kind of power source. But in order to do this, you need a high amount of energy, and I have no idea where you can get it. Almost close to impossible, when you consider the fact that such evaporation would cause climate changes, not to mention the death of thousands of species. It would basically bring the end of the world.”

“It’s like playing with the world’s buttons,” Nick spoke slowly. The ocean was a weak spot of his; he was always fond of being out in the ocean, whenever he could.

“What could possibly be done with such a weapon?” Brian folded his arms across his chest grimly. This situation was far worse than he expected. And how could he succeed in this mission with this highly incapable Himitsu Takana agent?”

“Well, that’s what you are qualified for, Agents,” Opal stated and handed the printouts to the agents. “I think you’ve got yourself one hell of a mission.”

Both agents glanced each other. Didn’t they know it.


± ± ±


“Antarctica?!” Nick screeched. “Shitballs… she has got to be fucking kidding.”

“Shitballs?” repeated Brian in amusement, momentarily forgetting his dislike for his new “partner.”

Nick didn’t even crack a smile. His eyes, steely and serious, were still fixed on his wristwatch, which was not, Brian had learned, a watch at all; in fact, it appeared to do everything but tell time. At the moment, he had used it to get in touch with Professor Pearl back at the HimTak headquarters; she was looking into the plans for the weapon Opal had decoded, trying to uncover any information she could about its existence or whereabouts.

“What’d she say?” Brian probed, curious as to what Antarctica had to do with the stolen Russian weapon.

Nick’s eyes scanned the text message again. “A few things. She hacked the Russian system again and found classified surveillance photos of a ship that left a Russian port on the night the weapon went missing. It was flying the Russian flag and looked like a military ship, which is probably how it managed to depart without too many questions, but on closer inspection, the ship didn’t belong to the military.” He pressed a few buttons on his watch, then held his wrist out to Brian, tilting it so he could see the image he had pulled up in the tiny window.

Brian squinted. “What are those letters on the side? Just some kind of identification?”

“Pearl says it’s not. The letters are t.A.T.u. No idea what that means.”

Brian nodded. “So… where does Antarctica come in? Is that where the ship went?”

“Pearl dug a little deeper and intercepted a report from the New Zealand navy. Their Defence Force has been tracking an unidentified ship they picked up on radar. It was headed towards Len-… Lenin-… god damnit, hang on.” Nick fiddled with his watch some more, returning to the text Pearl had sent. “Lenin… grad… skaya?” he sounded out awkwardly. “Leningradskaya. It’s a Russian territory on the coast of Antarctica.”

“But why would the ship be going to Russian territory? If it’s carrying the weapon they stole from the Russian government, you’d think they’d want to avoid Russian territory.”

“Pearl doesn’t think the ship went there at all. But the New Zealanders would assume that’s where it was heading, since it was flying the Russian flag. That’s the only Russian territory in that part of the continent. But they don’t know about the stolen weapon. We’re the only ones who have all the information and can put it together,” Nick explained.

Brian nodded slowly, the wheels in his mind turning, processing all that he had been told so far. “Antarctica…” he murmured. “It makes sense, doesn’t it? Remember what Opal said – this laser could be powerful enough to melt ice… ‘huge amounts of ice.’”

“‘Like icebergs and polar ice caps,’” Nick added. “Right. And if they’ve taken it to Antarctica, it sounds like that’s exactly what they want to use it for.”

“Hard to believe they transported that huge weapon all the way to Antarctica without being caught. I wonder why they didn’t go to the Arctic instead. It’s much closer to Russia,” contemplated Brian, frowning.

“Well, duh – ‘cause it’s much closer. If you steal something, do you hang right around the corner with it? Hell no! You run like hell and get it as far away as you can. In this case, the other end of the world.”

Brian arched an eyebrow. “Shoplift much as a kid?” He smirked. He was only teasing, but Nick’s face reddened.

“No!” he shot back defensively. “It’s just common sense.”

“Right. So… the weapon’s most likely somewhere in Antarctica.”

“Yep. And guess where we get to go to try and track it down?”

Now Brian understood. “Shitballs.”

A fleeting smile passed over Nick’s face, quickly transforming into a scowl. “God damn, are they fucking insane? They want us to go to Antarctica? How are we s’posed to get there? How are we s’posed to find the damn thing once we get there? Antarctica’s the fucking South Pole! It’s fucking freezing there!”

“Don’t like the cold, do you?”

“Are you kidding? Hell no! I grew up in Florida! I live in the middle of a fucking desert, for God’s sake! You think I like the cold?”

“Well, look on the bright side – it’ll be a nice change of scenery for you,” Brian replied pleasantly. He was uncomfortable with all of Nick’s swearing and taking the Lord’s name in vain, though he’d certainly heard worse from the people he dealt with. He didn’t dare comment on that – he wasn’t that righteous – but it amused him to see the look of disgust on Nick’s face when he combated the man’s rage with pure positivity. Passive payback, Brian liked to call it.

“Scenery… psh. What is there in Antarctica besides ice and snow? And… and fucking penguins!”

“Perfect place to smuggle a stolen, top-secret, ice-melting laser, huh?” Brian grinned.

“You better stop smiling like that, or I’m gonna push you off an iceberg when we get there. You’re creeping me out,” Nick fumed.

Brian continued to smile. Nick may have gotten the better of him with that car of his, but now Brian knew just how to push his buttons. Not exactly top secret information, the way Nick showed all of his emotions on his face, but Brian coveted it anyway. Now whenever Nick started trashing the government, Brian could do what he did best: annoy the hell out of him.


± ± ±


The bickering continued over the next two days, as the unlikely partners geared up for their mission to the South Pole. Armed with weapons, supplies, and information, they boarded a plane to Argentina. They decided it was best to ignore each other for the long flight, but the sniping soon picked back up again and carried over to the helicopter that took them from Cape Horn to McMurdo Station, a science research center owned by the U.S. and situated on the southern tip of Ross Island, off the coast of Antarctica.

They spent the next few days scouting the area, talking to the scientists and few residents who lived in McMurdo and venturing outside its borders on their own, on the lookout for any suspicious findings. At first, there was nothing, and then, little by little, the missing pieces started to come together. Several people reported seeing a ship in the distance, a ship whose vague description led Brian and Nick to believe it could be the same one from the surveillance photos. A scientist remarked that on a recent expedition, his party had noticed strange behavior from some of the penguins who lived on the Ross ice shelf.

Nick sent the reports back to Pearl, who worked from the HimTak headquarters to get them as much information she could. Soon, they had satellite photos taken over the last few days. They scoured the satellite images, looking for anything that appeared out of the ordinary. The good thing about Antarctica was that in a world of white, anything not made of snow or ice stood out.

“Look at this,” Brian said, attracting Nick’s attention to the laptop computer he had brought. “This looks like an iceberg or something, right off the coast of the ice shelf. But what’s this dark spot next to it. Could it be a ship?”

Nick squinted over his shoulder at the blurry image on the screen. A slow smile spread across his face. “Could be.”

“If it is, it’s pretty darn close to that berg. Why would it sail so close?”

“Yeah, didn’t they see Titanic?” Nick joked, chuckling.

Brian smiled, but didn’t laugh. “It’s hard to tell in a still picture, but maybe it wasn’t moving. Maybe it was docked there. But why would a ship try to dock at an iceberg?”

Nick’s own grin grew even wider. “Because it’s not really an iceberg.”


± ± ±
Ice Ice Baby: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
Giggling girls drank hot cocoa (with vodka, of course) in the distance, watching many of Dr. Rough’s minions work on making sure the new laser beam was operational. Damage had come from the stealing and smuggling of the weapon. Because this had come as a surprise once it had been moved within the icy lair, the men were working as quickly as possible to fix it all. Lena and Yulia, however, were far more entertained with each other’s company, waiting for the payments promised them for this prize.

The man who owed them payment was above them all, on one of the higher levels of the ice-covered palace, adorned with many snuggly furs for warmth. Dr. Twitches was also snug on his shoulder, his beady eyes focused on the same scene below as his master’s.

An eye twitched, as his greatest protégée came up beside him.

Justin Timberlake. That young boy was Himitsu Takana gold that had been twisted to the point where now he, Dr. Rough, could have him help execute his master plans in ways none of his other more inferior agents could. The problem with getting the ones who could not get into HimTak was the obvious fact of them not having that skill. This one did, had been of high rank, and was now even helping his own agents rise up in skill.

Howard’s eyes glanced over at his handiwork, the mechanical genius it had taken to give Drums that electronic eye which now defined him.

“The men said dey workin’ dey asses off, yo.” Only real problem was the way the boy talked. Agitated him to the highest level, but there was always a price when one wanted to show his greatness to the world by taking it over by force. At least the Ebonics would lessen when Drums was calm.

“Any progress?”

“Maybe a day. Genius to have this up while doin’ that Global Idol shiznit.”

He ran a hand over his greased, wavy curls, tying them back. “I have learned that if one is to bring Himitsu Takana to its knees, he can’t wait to develop a new plan. Many must go at once so I can keep firing more at them. They will tire, weaken, and eventually fall to their doom. I thought Global Idol could do it, but that damn Carter-”

He caught the slight look of pain in Drums's remaining eye. It was only for a second, fleeting, and almost invisible, but it was there. It disgusted Howie to see that Drums might still have remaining feelings for those he’d once worked with at HimTak. It meant his prize minion could turn on him, and that could lead to bad roads. His eye twitched again as his lips curved upward. Perhaps he could use this for his own benefit.

“-muddled things up. I should have had you target him instead of one of my lower minions. You can handle it, yes Drums?”

He nodded slowly, and Dr. Rough could see his mind trying to process it all. “It’s not a problem, is it? I thought when you joined you, you had nothing but hatred for those who had betrayed you. You said yourself it was Carter who gave you that handicap to begin with.”

Justin felt the rage boil through his body. It had been Nick who’d done it. HimTak who had turned him away. He just wished the occasional stab of guilt reminding him who those people had once been would remember they had driven him to this point. He had only served them well, and they had set off the chain of events against him that had gotten him here. His jaw set in determination. “It ain’t no problem, Dr. Rough.”

“Goooooood. Very good.” His hand stroked his prized ferret as his workers toiled over the ray.

Drums watched the ray, his mechanical eye evaluating every possibility of what it could do, feeding the information to him. Pearl, he would admit to himself, had been right about him being part machine in the end. But it had not been worse than death or not having the operation. That, she’d been wrong about. He had been lucky to find Dr. Rough, who had done the operation personally. He glanced over at his new mentor.

“Soon, when this is operational, we can test it on the southern polar cap, a show to the world of what we can do. We can get ultimate control by threatening to evaporate their water supply. HimTak will, of course, try to stop me, but we will take them down easily with world powers at our disposal. Then I will be invincible! Then they will finally see that I, Dr. Rough, was beyond worthy of them. They will bow to me!” Howard cackled manically, gleeful at the joyful image he had concocted.

Justin laughed as well, feeling like he finally belonged somewhere again, for the first time since the accident that had taken his eye. Nothing was going to take that from him. Not again.


  


Agents Carter and Littrell stood on the edge of the Ross Shelf, directly across from the iceberg in question on the satellite images, searching for proof of their theory. Nick grinned as he took off the tinted goggles he was wearing and pulled a pair of sleek-looking Ray Bans from his pocket. That Pearl was not only a genius, he thought. She also had an excellent fashion sense.

Brian watched the younger man smile to himself as he slowly put the glasses on his face, practically striking a pose as he did so. “Who do you think you are, the Men In Black or something?”

“Not exactly,” Nick smirked. “Will Smith may be the shit, but my glasses are way cooler.”

Brian grunted his disapproval, but watched curiously as Nick pressed a small button on the side of his glasses. A tiny red light flashed, and the shades turned darker as the thermal imaging censors activated. Nick looked again at his target, this time through the cover of the ice, and saw a maze of different heat sources. Some he recognized as human bodies, others that looked like giant computers, and a slew of tiny spots that looked almost like dogs or cats. They appeared to be alive, but he couldn’t tell only by their heat exactly what he was looking at. Either way, that iceberg was definitely more than it appeared to be. An excited smile crossed the young agent’s face. “That’s not a moon; it’s a space station!”

“Carter!” Brian hissed as he tugged on the sleeve of Nick’s puffy coat.

Nick looked down at his partner, who was crouched behind a snow bank, with a disgusted look. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen Star Wars. You CIA guys are so lame.”

“Would you get down before someone sees you?!”

“I see you have no sense of humor either,” Nick grumbled, ignoring his partner’s request.

Nick looked at the all-white ensemble that was keeping him surprisingly warmer than he’d expected in the bright Antarctic climate and turned to face Brian. “It’s called camouflage, dumbass.”

“And those ridiculous black glasses don’t stick out at all.”

“Relax, man, no one can see me.”

He can see you.”

Brian burst into laughter when Nick whirled around, fumbling for his gun, scared that he’d been spotted. But when he turned around, there was only a small penguin standing a few feet from him, watching them intently. Nick frowned at the penguin and then glared at Brian. “Real funny!”

“I thought you said I don’t have a sense of humor.” Brian smirked as he looked through a pair of binoculars. “Maybe we were wrong about this place. I think the only living thing on that iceberg is probably your new little friend there.”

Nick rolled his eyes at the brilliance of the CIA and ducked behind the snow bank. “Shows how much you know,” he grumbled as he handed Brian his glasses.

Brian put on the glasses and was amazed by the technology. As he scoped out the hidden ice fortress with the cool new toy, Nick watched the little penguin that now stood just inches from him. He smiled as he held out his hand, wanting to pet the cute little guy, but as he reached for it, the penguin was startled. It slowly backed away from Nick, with its feet gliding across the ice as if it were dancing until it rested on the edge of the water.

“Did you see that?” Nick gasped.

“See what?” Brian asked, still playing with the heat-detecting glasses.

Nick turned back to the animal, and it seemed to wink at him before diving into the cold water. Nick shook his head in disbelief and watched the penguin race toward the iceberg. “That penguin just did the moonwalk, and then it…” Nick hesitated at the ridiculousness of his statement. “…winked at me before it swam away.”

“The moonwalking penguin just winked at you?” Brian raised an eyebrow as he took off the glasses. “Lord, what was my cousin thinking, leaving the fate of the world in your hands?!”

“I’m serious! There was something really freaky about that penguin.”

“Would you shut up about the penguin? Look, I think our best bet is to head for that part of the iceberg there. That appears to be the back side. And I can’t be sure, but I think that’s a door.”

Nick smirked as he hopped into the small speedboat they’d borrowed from the McMurdo station. “Figures you’d want to go in the back door.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Brian snapped.

“Nothing.”

Nick laughed at the anger in Brian’s voice and plopped himself behind the steering wheel of the boat, but soon stopped laughing when he felt the force of the man called The Rok push him from his chair. “I’m driving this time,” Brian grumbled, and the boat went sailing toward the iceberg.

They docked on the back side of the iceberg, and when they reached the secret entrance, Nick frowned as he mindlessly pressed buttons on the electronic keypad. “Stop touching that before you disable it!” Brian barked as he came up behind Nick.

“How else are we supposed to get inside?”

“You have your toys, and I have mine.” Brian smirked as he pulled a small electronic decoder from his bag and plugged it in to the keypad.

Nick frowned when, in a matter of seconds, the entrance code was broken, and the large white door slid open gracefully. “Where’d you get that?”

Brian smiled, proud that he was finally one-upping Nick. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” Brian said, ducking quietly into the empty hallway.

Nick rolled his eyes, as if he thought the line was corny, but deep down he was just mad he hadn’t thought of it first. With a frown, he pressed a button on his watch. Brian glared at Nick when his watch buzzed to life, making just enough noise to alert people to their presence. “Hey, 00carter! How goes the top secret mission?” chirped Pearl’s cheerful voice.

“Shh!” Nick whispered, smiling at the image of his friend as he crept down the hall behind Brian.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Pearl giggled. “Are we sneaking?”

“Yeah, we’re inside some kind of secret ice fortress. It’s cool as hell.”

“Well, that’s because it’s made of ice, silly.”

“Not that kind of cool, Pearl! Hey listen, the CIA guy has this cool decoder thing that opens up doors locked with key pads. Think you could make me one of those?”

Brian stopped in his tracks to give Nick a completely disgusted look. He couldn’t believe Nick was having this conversation when they were in the middle of a serious operation behind enemy lines. “What?” Nick shrugged and then turned his attention back to his watch. “So could you?”

“Child’s play.” Pearl laughed.

“Sweet! Oh, but could you make mine cool-looking? Brian’s looks like some kind of Gameboy from the nineties.”

Brian glared one more time and then rubbed his now-aching head as he continued walking.

“I’ll do you one better,” Pearl’s voice crackled. “I’ll make you one out of an actual Gameboy. That way you can play games on it as well.”

“Make it a Playstation?”

“You got it, gorgeous.”

“You’re the best, Pearly.”

“Hey!” Brian hissed as he stopped outside a door marked Giant Laser Control Room. “Would you shut up before you get us caught?!”

Nick rolled his eyes at Pearl and then clicked off his watch. “Would you stop telling me how to run MY mission?”

Our mission,” Brian grumbled.

“My mission,” Nick corrected as he wandered into the control room.

The room was huge, and in the middle of it stood a giant laser. “Someone’s compensating for something,” Nick laughed as he started poking around with the buttons at the base of the machine.

“What did I tell you about touching things?”

“Well, we have to disable it somehow.”

Brian pushed Nick out of his way with a huff. “You’re going to kill somebody,” he grumbled. “I’ll disable it. You make yourself useful and go stand watch or something.”

“Stand watch? I’m not gonna stand watch; you go stand watch!”

“Just do it, Carter!” Brian yelled as he began to fumble around with the buttons.

Nick was furious, but as he watched Brian touch option after option on a large screen, it appeared the man knew what he was doing, so Nick decided to drop it and snoop around the lab a little. He began rummaging through papers on a desk and found a manila folder. “F.A.N.S.?” he read aloud, curiously reciting the four letters stamped below the words Top Secret stamped in red ink on the front.

He started to flip through the papers inside, when the door to the control room opened behind him. This time, both he and Brian whirled around. They laughed and lowered their weapons when they saw a penguin standing there. Brian tucked his gun back into its holster and went back to work on the laser, while Nick rolled up the file in his hand and tucked it safely into his inside coat pocket as he stared down his little visitor.

The penguin seemed to stare back, as if it were enjoying the rivalry, and then, once again, it winked at Nick before moonwalking out of the room. “Dude, tell me you saw that!” Nick said to Brian, but couldn’t take his eyes off the door the dancing animal had just slid out of.

“Saw what?” Brian muttered.

Nick headed toward the door just as a man walked through it, holding some crackers in his hand. “MJ!” he called. “Come on, buddy, you know Dr. Rough doesn’t like it when you miss your nap! MJ!”

Nick and Brian froze when the man saw them, but he simply smiled at them and said, “You guys see a penguin come in here?”

Nick and Brian looked at one another, completely astonished, and then Nick smiled back to the man. “Cute little guy with a twitch? Likes to do the moonwalk? Yeah, he went that way.”

Nick pointed to the door, and the man automatically started to leave. Nick looked at Brian again, and they both tried to hold back laughter, until the man stopped at the door. “Hey, wait a minute!” he yelled, as he realized that Nick and Brian were on the wrong team.

The minion reached for his walkie-talkie, but Nick lunged at him, forcing the radio to go flying across the room. “Agent Littrell, whatever you’re doing over there, you’d better hurry it up!” Nick yelled as he wrestled the drone.

Nick was a strong man, but Dr. Rough hired his minions for brawn, not brains, and the man was putting up a hell of a fight. Nick punched the short man in the jaw, sending him flying back against the large desk, but the man was back on his feet before Nick could draw his gun, and the guy punched Nick in the gut, forcing the air from his lungs.

Nick doubled over with a cough, and the man headed straight for Brian. The man grabbed Brian from behind and tore him away from the tangled mess of wires he’d been trying to cut. Brian equaled the minion in size, and for a minute, Nick watched the fistfight that ensued in awe. He may not be the smartest partner in the world, Nick thought, but at least he’s good for something.

As Brian ducked a punch and then threw one of his own, he noticed Nick watching him. “A little help here, 008?”

Nick shook him self from his daze and then looked around. He grabbed a metal chair from the desk and ran at the stranger with full force. When he cracked the chair over his back, the guy fell to his knees, and Brian went back to work disabling the weapon.

The minion scrambled to his feet again and grabbed the chair. He swung it at Nick, who ducked it easily, and the chair went crashing into the laser, sending electricity pulsing through the metal legs and frying the man holding it. Once dead, the man fell to the ground, and Nick and Brian sent looks of equal disgust to one another, cringing at the smell of charred flesh. “That’s disgusting,” Nick said, trying to keep the contents of his stomach from coming back up. “Dude, hurry so we can get out of here.”

Brian shook off the disturbing image and focused his attention back on the wires in front of him. “Just a few more to go.”

Nick peered over his shoulder curiously. “Can’t you just cut them all at once?”

“No!” Brian replied as if that were the most idiotic suggestion he’d ever heard. “You have to kill the circuits one at a time in the right order, or the thing will know its being tampered with.”

“It’ll just know? Like it’s alive or something? Like attack of the giant killer laser?”

“It’s like working with a ten-year-old,” Brian muttered under his breath. He was trying to keep his cool, so as not to mess up and cut the wrong wire. “It’s programmed with a failsafe,” he explained, but Nick shrugged, so he put it in terms he would understand. “Like a booby trap.”

Brian rolled his eyes as he watched the light go on inside Nick’s head. “If you trigger the failsafe, it will set the weapon into self-destruct mode. A power source this big would most likely blow this berg right out of the water.”

Nick’s eyes grew wide, and then he smirked as Brian held his knife over the last three wires. “No pressure, huh?” He laughed, causing Brian to pull his knife back.

“Do you mind?”

“Sorry,” Nick grumbled.

He glanced over his shoulder at the rotting corpse beside him, and the stench once again filled his nostrils. His nose became overwhelmed and surprised Nick with a monstrous sneeze that lunged him forward. He accidentally bumped Brian’s elbow, forcing him to slice through all three remaining wires.

Brian stood there, staring at the knife in his hand with disbelief, until the room started to shake. Lights started flashing, and alarms started sounding all around them. Nick and Brian looked at each other with wide eyes and simultaneously muttered an, “OH SHIT!”


± ± ±
Ice Ice Baby: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
“Great! Just great! It is like working with a damn ten-year-old! Nice going, Carter!” Brian yelled over the now-wailing sirens. They blared around them, making almost any other noise inaudible and reminding Nick of a yowling feline in heat. Not the most pleasant noise in the world.

“Oh yeah, like I sneezed on purpose just to fuck you up!” Rolling his eyes, he went to his watch, contacting whomever would answer it first. It seemed Pearl had gone for her infamous Mountain Dew break (to replace coffee, since she refused to touch the stuff) because it was Agent Jay on the other end this time around.

“Jay!”

“Nick?” He blinked at the noise filling his ears as Nick had to put subtitles on his own watch. A small screen arose so it could capture what the other agent was saying. Amidst the sirens, he’d never know what Agent McLean was saying otherwise. “What in the holy blazing hell is going on over there?!”

Brian grabbed Nick’s arm as chaos ensued around them. Many of the enemy agents were too busy scrambling around to even notice there were two uninvited guests among them at the moment. “He’s busy screwing up the mission! That’s what!”

Nick shoved him aside with a glare, before focusing back on the watch. “We set off the fucking failsafe thingy! Tell me Pearl has the layout of the laser still up! Is there a way to still shut it down?”

The older man back at HimTak started typing rapidly, but was obviously uncomfortable operating the complicated system the scientist of the agency made look simple. “No, get your asses out of there before you get blown to penguin shit!” And the screen shut off.

Nick sighed, wishing the damn thing would shut up. “We’re fucked!” he yelled. “Let’s just get the hell outta here!”

Brian started racing past agents, temporarily delayed by the minion finally realizing he was against him. Nick was soon behind him, only pausing to catch sight of two Russian females, looking around with a smirk and a chuckle to each other. It hit him that they may have been the ones who brought the laser there to begin with. Yet, when the two shared a passionate kiss as the lair slowly began to fall apart, all thoughts fled momentarily.

They laughed again. “They’re not gonna get us! NOT GONNA GET US, GONNA GET US!” And with that, they raced off together, lost within the crowd of panicking people.

“Nick! Stop staring at the lesbians and come on!” came the CIA agent’s agitated voice.

And for once, Nick listened to him, if only because he knew it’d save his ass later.


± ± ±


“Sir!” Chris Kirkpatrick called, with the penguins following, squawking fearfully at all the noise about them.

Howard turned, fury resting within both eyes as one twitched anxiously. “You better say something I want to hear, Kirkpatrick.”

“The, the laser is self-destructing!”

A low growl escaped his lips as he shoved him back. Justin watched, somewhat amused by his new mentor’s demeanor, a nagging voice reminding him how K or Jay had never been this way. But he shoved that away, to be lost with other thoughts of those who betrayed him. “I know THAT! Who did it!?”

“We think it’s agents from Himitsu Takana!”

“Damn that Carter!” A blade was quickly whipped around, gleaming in the light, and reflected in the icy, mirrored wall around them. Within seconds, it slid across his worker’s throat. Crimson fluid gushed angrily from the wound, splattering on the walls around them and making a deep pool on the floor, freezing slowly soon after the body slumped pitifully to the ground. Dr. Rough snorted as he kicked it aside. He had no room for those that inferior. He needed a strong team to take the snobbish and prideful agency called HimTak down. And they would fall… Somehow, he would bring them down.

He rubbed his temples, a headache growing from the wailing alarm around them. “Drums, see to it that those important get out and to my ship. I am barricading this door behind me so that the pretty agents make no discoveries.”

“Aight, yo,” was the simple reply. Following orders, he headed out, knowing Dr. Rough would be using the escape tunnel below.

Coming upon the hall, his gaze shifted downwards toward the first floor below him. Justin eyed the area: mayhem had taken over. Anyone near could feel the heat escaping the laser as it ran its doomed countdown. He could see Nick, with a new partner, it seemed. He even recognized the shrimp, K's cousin, Agent of the CIA. Amazing that those two could work together, knowing how Nick was. Yet, it didn't matter now. He could pursue them, risk his life again, another accident like before. Like his…

But something stopped him. Unsure of what that thing was, he credited it to his own instinct of preserving his own life. His remaining eye took in one last look before he quickly caught on to a rope, swinging himself down from the upper levels to the ground floor. He jumped down, bolting to the nearest exit, in the direction of Dr. Rough's own private escape vessel, where he knew he'd be welcomed. As he did, he could hear the familiar yells of the now foe, and upped his speed.

It seemed Nick wouldn't let him go that easily. No matter; he could lose him quickly in the icy death trap awaiting them both.


± ± ±


Nick was almost outside the false iceberg when he caught sight of Drums once more. It was then that his mind went to autopilot. Nothing else mattered then but capturing his former friend. He picked up his pace, following his direction out rather than Brian’s.

Brian slipped out, only to see him in pursuit once outside the lair. He yelled for Nick. “Damnit, Nick! Let ‘im go! We got what we need!” But as usual, Nick wouldn’t listen. Brian went for the boat, having known he would be the one Nick needed as an escape when the laser did destroy anything within its radius. He gunned the agency, following the two from a distance along the water. There was a fury, a determination within Carter he hadn’t seen before.

Nick kept up the chase, leaping over a frozen stream he doubted could support his weight, jumping down from steep hills, trying anything he could to capture his man.

Gunshots rang out within the distance, causing Justin to finally grab a penguin. The curly-haired man picked up the pace even more, incredibly enough. Using the animal, he slid down a icy cliff side crazily upon it in the style of a toboggan.

The other man skidded to a stop. His feet caught the edge suddenly, narrowly escaping a dangerous slide on his own. He screamed with frustration at seeing his nemesis slide away to the F.A.N.S. boat in the distance.

Brian directed his own boat as close as he could to Nick‘s location. He knew the man saw him and would come in a moment. Nick was furious; he shouted curses to the heavens. To The Rok, it was almost as if…

Almost as if this was personal. Was it?


± ± ±


Brian pulled up to a stop, watching the young agent intently.

“Nick, c’mon, it’s too late; he’s gone already. Get on, and let’s go.”

Brian watched as Nick made his way onto the boat, picking up a dirty rag and flinging it hard against the deck. What was his problem? He was getting way more upset over this than he should be.

Sighing, Brian turned the boat around and started back.

“It’s okay, ya know. We’ll get em. Don’t let it bother you.”

Nick said nothing, flopping down on the seat, staring out blankly, tension radiating from his body.

Brian continued to eye him curiously. “So…what’s that all about?”

Nick inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled, saying nothing. He didn’t want to be bothered, didn’t want to talk about it. He sure as hell didn’t wanna talk about it with some guy he hardly knew.

“Ohh, the strong, silent type, huh?” Brian chuckled. “Figures.”

“Just what the hell does that mean?”

“Aww, poor 008’s all upset ‘cause he couldn’t catch the bad guy.”

“Go to hell,” Nick muttered.

“Ya know, you’re just like I expected. Young, naïve. The government would’ve never hired anyone like you.”

“Good thing I don’t work for the government then, isn’t it?” Nick spat.

“It sure is.”

“Look, I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think, okay?”

“You’re in the wrong profession, little boy. Why don’t you leave this up to men to take care of?” Brian teased, trying to get some reaction from him.

Nick looked at him, his eyes cold and empty. “Shut the fuck up. You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I suggest you keep driving and mind your own fucking business, you got it?”

“He talks big…” Brian had just managed to stop the boat when he saw Nick come barreling over.

He couldn’t take it any longer. He stood, storming over to the other agent, fisting up his shirt in his hand, his voice startlingly calm and cold.

“I’ve had just about enough as I’m gonna take from you, you got it? You don’t know shit about me or what you’re talking about. You have no fuckin’ clue as to what I’ve been through. This is more to me than just some damn mission, okay? You walk all up in here like this is just another assignment, on your high fuckin’ horse, when you don’t know shit.”

Brian stared at him, clearly stunned.

“Why don’t you do a little research before you go shooting your mouth off about who’s qualified to do what? I’m way more than qualified; I’m the only one who can do this. You’re a government man, right? Why don’t you stick to that instead of sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong? The government has no part in this. This is personal.”

Brian remained perfectly still as Nick slowly released him, staring hard at him moment longer before turning and sitting back down. He, too, turned, starting the boat up and taking off, shooting wary glances at the guy sitting next to him. He couldn’t figure Carter out. He acted all cocky, but there was something there, something hidden and painful.

Staring out at the water, he drove. Maybe there was more to the rookie than he’d first thought.


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana


A great bolt of lightning illuminated the night sky. Seconds later, thunder boomed, sending the nocturnal critters of the Nevada desert scattering in fear to find shelter, as the low, inky clouds opened, and torrents of rain fell to quench the dry earth.

Cool and dry, herself, beneath the roof of a large storage hangar, Summer O’Riley, who was never called by her given name, watched the downpour through the raised door and sighed in contentment. “I love thunderstorms,” she mused, wrapping her muscled arms around her body. “Didn’t you just love to play in the rain when you were a kid?”

Her companion chuckled. “Nah, not really,” his voice rumbled, as gravelly as the thunder itself. “My grandma always told me I’d catch cold.”

“Psh,” she scoffed. “That’s an urban legend. It takes a virus to get a cold; a little rain’ll never hurt anybody. Not that I had anybody looking out for me anyway. I coulda got myself struck by lightning, and no one would have noticed.” This she said matter-of-factly, not miserably. Then she paused in consideration. “Didja ever wonder what that’d feel like? To get struck by lightning?”

“Honestly, Em?” Jay chuckled. “I hope I never find out.”

“Meh.” Emerald gazed upward, listening to the rain batter against the metal roof over their heads. She had the sudden urge to grab his hand and pull him out into the storm, rip off his wifebeater and her own, and screw his brains out beneath the electric fury of the sky. Storms like this, with thunder and lightening, just made her feel so wild and free, and it was the kind of thing she might have really done ten years ago, when she was chasing rock stars and roadies across the country. Wouldn’t be the first time she’d done it with Jay either. But he was technically her boss now, and even if he was as horny as she suddenly was, it wouldn’t really be appropriate.

Then again, she’d never really been the type to base her decisions on what was appropriate. Emerald Ecstasy tended to do whatever the hell she felt like. She didn’t play by the rules; she made up her own. It was only because she kicked ass as an agent that Himitsu Takana put up with her. That, and the fact that Jay found her irresistible. He was the one who had recruited her in the first place, saving her from the alcoholic, sex-crazed road she’d been heading down as a rock groupie and training her to be the fierce crime-fighter she’d become.

She was significantly more disciplined than she had been when she’d first come to HimTak, but even so, a romp in the rain sounded seriously tempting to her right then. But before she could act on that urge, a bright light flared before her eyes. At first, she thought it was just another bolt of lightning, but then she heard Jay mutter, “What the hell?”

She looked over to find him squinting out of the hangar, at what she now recognized as a pair of headlights, their beams cutting through the sheets of torrential rain. The vehicle – she couldn’t tell what kind beyond the brights – was racing up the narrow road that led to the Himitsu Takana complex. That in itself was a rare sight, for few cars not belonging to the agency itself or the government made it this far. Their headquarters were located in the middle of nowhere and unplotted on civilian maps. The nearby Area 51 attracted its fair share of tourists, who wasted gas and time to come and gawk at its heavily guarded gates, for no reason other than to say they’d been there. But not HimTak. No one knew it was even there.

There was a gate there, too, of course, not so heavily guarded, but surrounded by barbed wire and signs warning of the penalties that awaited trespassers. They’d never had an issue with the latter, not in the few years this compound had been the main headquarters of the organization.

But now, the rogue vehicle raced toward the gate with no sign of slowing its speed. Beside her, Jay uttered an expletive, seconds before the SUV crashed through the gate, bending it all to hell as it was rammed open, and smashing the front fender and hood to boot.

And it didn’t stop there.

The vehicle kept driving, barely even braking, heading straight for the light spilling out of the open hangar in which they stood. Instinctively, Emerald drew the handgun she kept holstered at her hip and looked to Jay. He, too, had pulled out his weapon and stood still, his narrowed eyes trained on the incoming SUV. AJ McLean, for all the tattoos on his rough exterior, was a big softie inside, but when he was in agent mode, he was tough as nails. Emerald could see the intensity in his eyes and knew he wasn’t going to let this guy, whoever he was, get past them any more than she was.

The pair of agents raised their guns at the same time, pointing them straight at the windshield. They could see nothing for all the rain and the headlights shining in their eyes, but Emerald put on her bitch face and glared the SUV down anyway.

And, to both her relief and her unease, it slowed.

The vehicle came to an abrupt stop just a few yards from the hangar, its tires squelching in the sodden sand, leaving deep ruts. Before Emerald or Jay could approach it, the driver’s side door flew open, and the shape of a man jumped out.

“Help!” he bellowed above the roar of the rain, running toward them, waving his arms wildly above his head. “Please, I need help!”

The agents were on guard, but the man seemed genuinely distraught and appeared to be unarmed. Emerald lowered her gun, but kept it clutched tightly in her hand, as the man grew near. When he staggered into the light, they got a better look at him: white guy, early thirties, dressed in a rain-soaked t-shirt and shorts, his hair plastered to his scalp, his face twisted in panic.

“You’ve just trespassed and destroyed private property, sir,” Jay said through his teeth, his voice a growl. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Please,” the man panted, lifting his hands in defense before doubling over, resting them on his knees while he tried to catch his breath. “I’m sorry, but… my wife… she’s in labor. We’re not gonna make it to the hospital in time, and I think she’s… she’s dying. Please… I know you guys are some kind of government facility; you’ve got to have someone here who knows something about medicine. Don’t you?” He looked from Jay to Emerald, his eyes desperate and pleading.

Emerald thought of Red Jewel, and of the gleaming, high-tech infirmary within their quarters, and looked to Jay. But before she could say anything, he spoke up. “Let me take a look at her.”

Nodding, the man lead him back out into the rain. Emerald followed as they jogged back to the SUV, the rain saturating her hair and clothes within seconds. Wiping the cold droplets from her eyes, she peered into the vehicle as the man opened the back door, allowing light to flood the interior. A woman, obviously pregnant and about to pop, was sprawled across the back seat, both hands clutching her belly, breathing with a series of short, gasping whimpers that made it obvious she was in unbearable pain. Her nightgown was drenched, and there appeared to be a dark stain on the upholstery beneath her bent knees.

That was enough for Emerald. “We can’t turn them away,” she muttered to Jay out of the side of her mouth, hoping, for the love of God, he wouldn’t take any more convincing than that. She was no doctor, but instinct told her this woman didn’t have time for them to argue about it.

Jay closed his eyes for a moment, but made a quick decision. “Fine,” he replied with a nod. “You grab her legs; we’ll get the rest of her.”

As quickly and as carefully as they could, the three of them slid the woman out of the backseat and whisked her out of the storm and into the cave-like hangar, Emerald bearing the dead weight of her legs, while the two men cradled her on either side. They yanked the cover off one of the HimTak cars and spread it out over the poured concrete to provide her with some minimal cushion while they lay her down to wait for back-up.

When the husband’s attention was on his wife, Emerald turned away from them, reached beneath her tank top, and pulled the black strap of her bra toward her mouth. Pressing a tiny button in the center of the strap’s buckle, she spoke quickly. “Send Red to the North hangar, A-sap.”


± ± ±


Red Jewel came racing into the hangar minutes later with a gurney at her side, her medical bag perched on top.

She had shed her white lab coat for the night and was dressed in a pair of satiny pajama bottoms and a camisole, her ruby cross swinging above the swell of her breasts. But when she knelt down beside the panting woman, she showed the quick-thinking, cool-headed demeanor of a professional.

Emerald and Jay stepped back to watch her work, as she asked the woman her name – “Bree,” came the breathless reply – and took her vital signs.

“We’re going to have to get her inside so I can deliver this baby,” she decided within minutes.

As a rule, civilians were not allowed inside the headquarters, unless they were somehow connected to a case. But all three of them knew, as Emerald had told Jay earlier, that they couldn’t turn their backs on this woman and her frantic husband.

“Good thing Pearl just finished the prototype of those memory-erasing pens,” Emerald muttered to Jay, as they followed the gurney into the central building.


± ± ±


Dr. Julianne Llewellyn had delivered a number of babies during her semesters at the teaching hospital, but since starting her practice within the walls of Himitsu Takana, Red Jewel had delivered none. To those watching, she appeared calm and collected, but the inside of her latex gloves were slimy with sweat.

Birthing babies was largely an instinctual task… unless there were complications. And everything about her examination of the woman writhing on her infirmary table suggested complications. Her heart rate was unusually high, her color was off, her amniotic fluid appeared bloody, and her pain was severe.

Red had started an IV with a painkiller, but it was not enough to deaden the pain without sedating the newborn as well. She knew her best shot was to get the baby out as quickly as possible.

Though she spent more time bent over the microscope in her lab than an actual patient these days, Red Jewel had been praised during her internship for a bedside manner that was patient and soothing, and she summoned these traits now, as she looked over the woman’s knees, into her eyes, and told her it was time for her baby to be born.

“The next time you feel a contraction, I’m going to have you push, Bree,” she instructed the obviously scared woman. “Push as hard as you can, for as long as I tell you to, and we’ll get your baby out. It would help if your husband could hold your hand on one side…” She gestured to the drenched man who had come in with them, looking like he’d just climbed out of a lake.

“Jim,” Bree choked out his name.

“Jim,” Red repeated, giving the husband a nod of acknowledgment as he took his place next to his wife and gripped her hand. “And Emerald… I think it would help if you were on the other side.” She gave Emerald a meaningful look. The dark-haired woman who exuded such confidence and attitude actually looked nervous, but she didn’t protest. She let Bree’s free hand grip hers and braced herself for the squeezing.

Bree wailed as the next contraction came. Red urged, “Push!” and looked between her legs as the crown of a head appeared. She was thankful it wasn’t breach. The fetus slid out a little at a time, its smooth scalp coated with blood and vernix. The skin beneath appeared bluish-gray, and Red felt a rush of concern that it was suffocating. “One more big push, Bree,” she coached.

The mother screamed as she put the last of her strength into expelling the fetus, and her offspring slid out into Red Jewel’s gloved hands. When the red-haired doctor looked down at what she was holding, her mouth fell open.

Then she, too, began to scream.


± ± ±


Agent Jay could still hear the rumble of distant thunder, though he was seated in an interior room, deep in the central hub of the Himitsu Takana complex. He couldn’t recall ever having a fear of storms, but tonight, the thunder and lightning outside only made things seem eerier inside the headquarters.

The interrogation room in which he sat was dimly lit by a single, fluorescent utility light hanging above the metal table. Emerald sat at the table next to him, unusually quiet and pale. He saw her green eyes flicker across the table to the man, Jim, who was slumped upon it, his face buried in his arms. His drying hair stuck out from his scalp in all directions, and his shoulders shook as he wept shamelessly.

In her office in the medical ward, Jay knew that Red was every bit as distraught. She’d kept her composure long enough to pronounce the death, then fled to the office and locked the door. He’d heard her muffled sobs through the walls as she’d broken down, but there had been no time to see that she was okay. She would be, in time, he knew.

In the meantime, he and Emerald had been forced to bury their own feelings, to delay the reaction that was imminent, after what they had just witnessed. They were faced with the task of seeking answers, of finding an explanation for the traumatic scene that had just played out before them in the infirmary. They had a job to do, and it started with questioning Jim Kimble.

Jay cleared his throat awkwardly, not sure how to continue the interview without seeming insensitive. He felt for the man, having lost his wife less than an hour ago in a way that was both shocking and disturbing. He, himself, was still shaken from what he’d seen, and he knew it would only get worse once he came down from the rush of adrenaline that was keeping him focused now. In a way, he welcomed the mission that had been thrust upon him, welcomed it because it gave him something to do, something to keep his mind from simply replaying the scene over and over again until he went crazy from it. He wondered if that was what was going on in Jim’s head now.

“Jim?” he spoke quietly. “I know this is hard, but we have a few more questions, and it would really help give us a starting point for our investigation if you could answer them for us.”

The man lifted his disheveled head just slightly, only enough for his bloodshot eyes to peer at them over his elbow. Then his head fell back to his arms, as if he’d lost the strength to hold it up any longer.

Jay tried not to sigh, releasing his breath slowly instead. Patience was the key, he knew. Patience and understanding. Two qualities that didn’t come easy to him, nor Emerald. They weren’t the best pair of agents to be doing this part of the job, but they were the only ones who had seen it, and so it was theirs.

Emerald opened her mouth to speak, but she was interrupted by the click of the door opening. Both agents turned to look as Agent K slid in, walking silently across the tiled floor. “Sorry to interrupt,” he apologized. Then, resting his hand on Jay’s shoulder, he bent down, so that his mouth was close to Jay’s ear. “It’s in containment,” he murmured in a low voice, “and the feds have been called. I’ve got this from Pearl, for when you’re done here.”

Underneath the table, he passed Jay what appeared to be an ordinary pen light. Jay turned the pen over in his hand a few times before pocketing it. Catching his eye, Emerald offered a grim nod of approval.

“I’ll be in my office,” said K in a meaningful tone that told Jay he should go straight there once the interview was over. K, of course, had been debriefed on the incident, but there was still much to talk about.

Jay nodded, and K left. When the door latched tightly behind him, Jim looked up. He took a rattling breath, swiped at his red-rimmed eyes, and asked miserably, “What do you want to know? I don’t know any more than you do.”

“I know,” said Jay patiently, believing him. “But even so, what you tell us tonight might point us in the right direction, so that we can all understand what happened here.”

Jim shook his head. “I’ll never understand… never…” he mumbled, speaking more to himself than to the inquisitors.

He was still in a terrible state, but at least he was talking again. Jay took the opportunity to press forward. “Tell us about the pregnancy, Jim. You said Bree was only seven months along. Other than the premature labor, was there anything else unusual about her pregnancy? Any complications or… oddities?”

It seemed a silly question now, but Jim shook his head slowly. “No… nothing. E-everything was perfect. It was like a… a miracle.”

“What made it like a miracle?” Jay probed.

Jim took his time in answering. When he did, his voice wavered. “Well… see, we’d been trying to conceive for a long time… two years, at least. No baby. We went to the doctor and got tested, both of us. Turns out I was the problem.” He paused to swallow hard. “Low sperm count; that’s what the doctor said.”

“And how long ago was this?”

“’Bout a year. Everything seemed to fall apart after that. Bree tried to be understanding; she said she didn’t blame me, but I knew how disappointed she was. And I blamed myself. It was my fault she couldn’t get pregnant.” He sighed, drawing his hand over his eyes. “We wanted to try in vitro fertilization, but it’s expensive, and our insurance wouldn’t cover it. We didn’t have the money.”

“What did you do?”

“So one weekend, I got desperate just thinking about it, and I decided to go to Vegas… you know, see if I could win anything to help pay for it. It was a long shot, but I took it. I… I guess I just sort of needed to get away for a weekend, you know? So I went to Vegas and got wasted the first night. I mean, completely trashed. I met a girl in one of the casinos – real beautiful woman – exotic, you know? She’d actually posed for Playboy, showed me her spread and everything. Next thing I knew, I was waking up next to her in her hotel room.” He sighed again and shook his head, refusing to meet Jay’s eye. “One night stand. First and only one of my life. I’m not proud of it, but… it happened.”

Jay nodded, keeping all signs of judgment off his face. “Did you tell your wife?”

Jim hesitated, then shook his head. “No; I couldn’t. I thought about it… but in the end, I thought it would just hurt our marriage more. We were already struggling. But then…” Suddenly, fresh tears sprung into his eyes, and his voice sounded choked as he squeezed out the rest of his sentence. “Then Bree got pregnant.”

“Right after this Vegas trip?”

“We found out about a month later, yeah.”

Jay nodded again. “Did Bree take any trips herself around the time of conception? Or… pardon my asking, but… do you know if she was involved with anyone else herself?”

Jim didn’t seem to take offense at the question, but he shook his head vigorously. “No, not my Bree. I know she didn’t. She wouldn’t. She was always faithful. I was the cheater.”

“No trips?”

“No… nowhere.”

“And you can’t remember anything unusual that happened around that time?”

Jim racked his brain, but ended up shaking his head again. “Nothing that stands out.”

“Okay.” Jay watched Emerald make some notes on the tablet in front of her, and he eyed the tape recorder that was recording their conversation. “Jim, I know this hasn’t been easy for you, but we appreciate you answering our questions. I just have one more for you right now. The girl you were with in Vegas… you said she’d been in Playboy?”

Jim nodded slowly.

“Do you remember her name?”

Jay felt Emerald kick him beneath the table, but he ignored her, waiting for the man to answer. When he did, he hissed, “Write that down,” to Emerald. He caught the exasperated roll of her green eyes, but she scrawled the name below her notes anyway.

“Thank you, Jim,” Jay went on. “Just one last thing…”

Taking a deep breath, he pulled the pen light out of his pocket and held it up. Pushing a button on its top, he shone it directly into Jim’s eyes. He watched as the man’s pupils dilated, fixed upon the light.

“We’re going to send you to a motel for the night, Jim. When you wake up in the morning, you won’t have any memory of what happened tonight. This is what you will remember: You were involved in a car accident in the storm. You sought shelter in the motel while your car was being towed. You were alone. You’ve always been alone. You never had a wife, or a child. But when you go back home, you’ll get back on the dating scene. You’ll find a new mate and live a happy life, free from the burden of what you witnessed tonight.”

Jay released the button, and the pen light went off with a click. As soon as it did, Jim’s wide, blank eyes drooped shut, and he slumped forward onto the table again, blissfully unconscious.


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
K sat at his desk with his fingers interlaced. Jay leaned against the desk with his shades pulled down as he watched the girls stand around the room. Emerald leaned against the frame of the closed door. Diamond leaned against the wall, right next to the hanging plant, and furiously texted on her phone. Red and Pearl sat in the two padded chairs in front of K’s desk. Both men wore solemn expressions.

Pearl rested her chin on her hand. “I hope this isn’t about the machine gun bra… It’s still got a few kinks.”

Jay gave a silent glance to Emerald and Red before turning back to Pearl. “No, nothing like that…”

Pearl folded her hands in her lap. “So it’s a new mission? Couldn’t I just stay in my lab? I have to work out the kinks in the bra, and then there are a few other projects I’m behind on…”

Jay pushed his shades back up the bridge of his nose slowly. “No, we need you on the team. Unless you want an assistant…”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Pearl crossed her arms and turned to Red. “It’s been a while since you’ve been on a mission too, right?”

Red stared at the folder on her lap. “The last time I was here, someone was trying to poison the water supply….”

Pearl loosened her arms slightly. “The microbes, right?” She turned back to Emerald. “Where were you then?”

Emerald shook her head. “Am I supposed to memorize your missions and mine? You’ve got to be kidding.”

Diamond held up her phone briefly. “Nick says he’s still in Antarctica, Miss Memorizer of Missions. Also… there’s moonwalking penguins… and…. that CIA guy forced Nick out of the driver’s side of their boat… and…” Her face lit up. “Oh, Lancy picked up my dry cleaning!” She went back to focusing on the key pad of her phone.

Emerald shook her head. “Well, obviously, a gentleman is better at driving a boat than a novice.”

Diamond paused momentarily. “Nick just wrote ‘Go back to Canada, Avril.’ And… Lancy said there’s a sale at the shoe store…” She turned to K. “Can we make this quick, pretty please?”

Emerald grumbled under her breath, “Maybe 008 should go back to surfing in LA…”

K cleared his throat.

Jay gave a brief smile. “At least they’re keeping positive.”

K let out a low sigh and rapped his fingers on his desk. “Finish it up, Jay.”

Jay rose his free hand as he produced a wireless mouse in the other. “Sorry, Di, you won’t get to go to the mall with Lancy for a little while, at least…” He gave the mouse a click, and a projector screen appeared from the name plate on K’s desk. A tiny projector appeared from the arm of the chair Red sat in.

Red took in a quick gasp; her folder fell to the ground. “You really did put all sorts of technology in this office, didn’t you?”

Pearl gave her a smirk. “You should see what the ceiling fan does.”

“Shoots missiles, Pearl?” Emerald smirked.

“You wish. Actually…”

K cleared his throat again.

The girls turned back to K with rapt attention, except for Red, who hurriedly whisked the contents of the folder from the floor.

K leaned back in his chair. “So… you all heard about the situation we were in yesterday. Jay typed up a summary of the… incident for all of you.”

A summarized version of K’s previous debriefing flashed across the projector screen as Jay clicked the mouse.

Pearl turned her head. “Red…”

Red closed the folder in her lap. “Don’t worry; I’ve had a day.”

K rose his hand. “What’s more important is that this hasn’t gotten out, but it could be a bigger problem than you think.”

Emerald uncrossed her arms. “The wife is dead, and the husband thinks she never existed. How could it get out?”

K shook his head. “It’s bigger than this one incident.”

Pearl smirked. “What, like Vegas strip clubs?”

K nodded his head. “You’re on the right track.”

Red turned to K. “This goes beyond Vegas?”

“Try Los Angeles.”

Pearl let out another small laugh. “What, beach bunnies?”

Diamond lowered her phone. “That’s not fair! Being a beach bunny is a very important part of beach commerce!”

Emerald smirked. “And the text message queen finally joins the mission.”

Diamond shook her head. “I was listening, and I was downloading the power point to my phone….”

Emerald rolled her eyes. “You and that phone… Did 008 tell you anything else while you were taking notes?”

Diamond blinked. “Antarctica is cold, and he’s wearing a huge white puffy jacket after Labor Day….”

Emerald crossed her arms and laughed again. “I’m impressed you sleep with that fashion faux pas.”

Diamond rolled her eyes and turned to Pearl. “Can we possibly get me a phone with a QWERTY keypad?”

Pearl laughed. “After I finish the machine gun bra.” She turned back to K. “So do you really need me for this beach bunny mission? I’m not really suited to prancing around in a bikini.”

Jay shook his head. “They won’t like this, K…”

K laced his fingers. “The four of you will be going to Los Angeles together.”

Diamond pulled down her phone. “What’s not to like about LA?” She turned to Jay. “Look at that Baldwin!”

Jay chuckled.

Emerald rolled her eyes. “Who are you, Diamond, Cher Horowitz?”

Red leaned forward. “So they’re targeting LA next?”

K shook his head. “No, they’re already in LA. How do you all feel about bunnies?”

Diamond’s face lit up. “I have a picture of a cute one on my phone!”

Jay grabbed Diamond’s phone. “It’s a real rabbit…”

Diamond cocked her head. “What kind of bunny would it be?”

Emerald leaned forward. “Jay, really?” She shook her head. “So we go to LA and hang out on the beach? That’s not bad.”

Pearl crossed her arms. “But we’re not supposed to like it… and if K says we won’t like it, then that means it’s something difficult.”

K cleared his throat. “You’ll be going undercover as Bunnies.”

Diamond took her phone back from Jay. “Like full body suits?”

K cleared his throat again. “Like lingerie.”

Pearl gave K a sharp look. “Repeat that.”

K laced his fingers once more. “Like lingerie.”

Pearl slammed her hand on K’s desk. “NO! NO WAY!!!”

Red turned to Pearl. “Am I going through shock, because I swore K just said we were going to wear bunny lingerie in LA…”

K tapped the top of the projector. “Jay will be going with you to donate you to the Playboy Mansion.”

Pearl leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “You have got to be kidding me…”

Red turned back to K with a raised brow. “I had no idea you were into trafficking flesh.”

K pointed to Jay. “He’s the top agent on this mission; send your complaints to him.”

Emerald shook her head. “I don’t like the idea of playing sex slave. I’m a one man girl.”

Diamond snickered. “A one-CIA-agent girl, you mean.”

Emerald slammed her fist into the wall. “Jay, I’m not touching no nasty ass! And if you think I’m gonna take shit, I’ll tell you right now, I’m not.”

Jay put the mouse on the desk. “Well, there’s only Hef to worry about, and he’s old enough that you probably won’t ever see him.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “And the other guys that go into the mansion?”

Diamond shut her phone. “Wait, I don’t have to sleep with them, right? They’re probably diseased!”

There was silence.

Jay turned to K. “They really didn’t take it well…. I expected a snide comment from Emerald just then…”

Emerald sneered. “And I suppose you want to be a sex slave, Jay? Because you’re more than welcome to it.”

K cleared his throat once more. “You girls better get suited up and head for the helicopter… Playboy’s waiting.”

Pearl crossed her arms. “If we’re being Playmates, we should at least get a jet.”

K gave her a weak smile. “You know as well as I do that they aren’t in yet.”

“Then at least get me my big weapons!”

K shook his head. “You have big weapons?”

“For killing things.” Pearl gave K one last intense stare before the girls exited the room in a huff.


± ± ±


Agent Carter stepped out of the airport, his signature Ray-Bans already in place, and smiled a smile that could stop the hearts of women around the world when his eyes found the beautiful sight of his decked out Hornet, ready and waiting for him in the parking lot. The heat was blistering, but he blared the music over the noise of the rolled-down windows instead of the comforts of air conditioning, because triple-digit heat was better than double-digit cold any day.

“God, it’s good to be home,” he said to himself as he passed through the front doors of the HimTak agency headquarters.

And it was good to be back. Good to be back where no one was trying to kill him. Good to be back where there weren’t any penguins, however cool moonwalking ones may be. It was good to finally be free of the damned CIA and their dim-witted, pushy, whiny agents trying to tell him what to do, and back where his co-workers loved and respected him. (Well, most of them.) And it was especially good to be back where the women preferred to make out with him as opposed to each other.

With that last thought in mind, Nick walked into the main sector of the HimTak offices and yelled at the top of his lungs, “LADIES! I’M HOME! 00Carter’s back, and he’s saved the world, yet again.”

Nick held out his arms as wide as he could, waiting for the greeting that always followed a long mission, but was only met with an unnerving silence. “Ladies? Angels?”

Nick frowned at the empty office until a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind, and he was greeted with a high-pitched squeal. “NIIIIIIICKYYYYY!”

“Bassy?” he questioned when he recognized the voice that was not nearly feminine enough to be so close to him. “Ugh, get off me!”

Nick struggled to release himself from his affectionate secretary’s grip, as Agent 006 came into the room in workout gear. “Excuse me, ladies, some of us have important missions to train for,” he laughed as he passed the other two men. “Carter, I always knew you were a little desperate, but the girls haven’t even been gone a day, and you’re already putting the moves on poor Lancy?”

Nick glanced at the man who still had his arms around him, surprised to see him blushing, and glared at him until he jumped a safe distance back. Then he turned his attention back to his fellow agent. “Fuck off, Chasez. What do you mean the girls are gone?”

“K sent them on a mission to Los Angeles.”

“All of them?”

“Yup, without you.”

“Looks like he sent them without you too, dumbass. I was off saving the world; what’s your excuse?”

“Saving the world? I heard you actually almost got yourself killed and blew up half of Antarctica. Emerald said the CIA guy saved your ass.”

“She said what!? That bitch!” Nick yelled and then turned his attention on Lancybassy. “Is that what you heard?”

Lancy hated to upset his favorite HimTak agent, but the version he’d heard wasn’t really that far off, so he just shrugged as he glanced at his feet. “But Pearl told me you almost got Drums this time,” he added optimistically.

“Yeah, way to drop the ball there too, 008,” JC laughed. “Is that twice now, or three times you let him get away? Maybe we should just call you Butterfingers from now on.”

Lancy’s eyes widened in horror at the comment about Drums, and he stepped to the side just in time to escape getting pounded as Nick grabbed JC and threw him against the wall. So angry he couldn’t speak, Nick raised his fist, deciding a beating was the best option at the moment, but just before he could throw his fist into JC’s face, a hand was placed over his, forcing it to his side.

Nick huffed to see the soft, soothing smile of his superior, the ever-wise Grasshopper, meet his rage head on. “Careful, young grasshopper,” he advised, pulling him away from his scared co-worker. “In times of crisis, it is better for a man to think like a fish and build himself a nest of bubbles.”

Nick, JC, and Lancy all exchanged confused looks, but no matter whether they understood his words or not, they knew his meaning, and both Nick and JC gained control of their tempers. Grasshopper smiled proudly and threw his arm over JC’s shoulder. “Come, my son, we must make sure you are prepared before you meet your next mission.”

Nick glared at JC as he walked away, unable to pull his attention away until a hand was placed on his shoulder. “Lancy!” he yelled again. “I told you to get the fuck off-”

Nick whirled around to see Agent K looking at him with critical eyes. “Are you alright, 008?” K questioned, sternly, yet sincerely. “Was the last mission too stressful?”

“Of course not, sir. It’s just that jackass, 006.”

“He’s a good agent.”

“He’s still a jackass.”

K looked at the young man with disapproval, covering the fact that he wanted to agree, and quickly turned the focus of the conversation back to Carter. “Have you been to the medic yet? Until you’ve been back in the field for awhile, I want you to have a routine psych evaluation after each mission.”

“What!?”

“Just taking precautions, 008. You’re one of my better agents; I can’t afford to take any chances.”

Nick grumbled a moment, but then thought of the stunning redhead who was normally in charge of his “evaluations” and smirked at the memory of his last. “No sir,” he finally grinned, “I haven’t been to medical yet, but I promise to let Red evaluate me quite thoroughly just as soon as you get me to Los Angeles.”

“Nice try, 008, but the only place you’re going is Pearl’s lab, after a visit to the medic, of course. I need you to be my eyes back home this time.”

“You’re benching me?”

“Just giving you a break.”

“I don’t need a break.”

“I consider your last mission a success, if for no other reason than you and Rok didn’t kill each other, but you’re a little high-strung now, and there’s no way I’m putting you on a case that has anything to do with Los Angeles, let alone the Playboy Mansion, and expect you to actually concentrate on the mission...”

“Playboy Mansion?! But!”

“No buts, Carter. You’re not going.”

“That’s not fair!”

Agent K sighed, but then smiled at Nick. He respected the young man’s enthusiasm and willingness to work hard, but the kid had a lot to learn about patience. “I needed the girls on this one, Nick. I didn’t have a choice. Believe me, they would all rather trade places with you if they could, but I need you to be their eyes and ears this time.”

Nick rolled his eyes, pouting that he wouldn’t be getting his way, but at least it wasn’t because K didn’t think he could handle it. He eventually made his way to Pearl’s lab and flipped on the monitors. He sunk into his chair, already feeling the boredom of the next few days creeping up on him.


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
Footsteps resounded throughout the seemingly calm halls of Himitsu Takana. Agents below 00-rank were around, eyeing the three who had entered the building. By now the incident had been buzzing around the place already. The secretaries couldn't keep anything quiet within the building. Especially Lancy. So there were whispers and looks as Agent Littrell once again headed down to the office where he’d said he would meet his cousin.

It amazed him sometimes how different they were, he and Kevin. Most of their family had gone off and joined the military. By the time he and Kevin had reached that age, both wanted something beyond that. Brian had slowly worked his way through the rankings of the system and eventually the CIA, while Kevin struggled with another job until the day he was recruited into HimTak, the secretly appointed, true "Big Brother" of the world. The public never knew of HimTak and credited their protection back to America, which was only the country that hosted them for now. Eventually, there'd be a relocation; there always was to keep people guessing. The main reason – the only reason – Brian knew the exact spot was because he was related to K. K wasn't stupid, knew he had to work with the US government, so he always called Brian, whom he could trust.

That fact, however, annoyed him to no end at the moment. He had just barely gotten back from the mission from hell with the most irritating, poor excuse for an agent that he'd ever dealt with. Brian had been promised time off for having taken that extra mission with Himitsu Takana, being the only "open-minded" agent of his team who solely dealt with "special projects." When he’d gotten back, he was simply told something huge had happened and that he was to be sent with two FBI agents to go check it out. Goodbye time with Opal.

He continued walking, ignored the murmurs around him. Some came from the federal agents who accompanied him.

"See, I told you the truth was out there!"

"They could drop you in the middle of the desert, tell you the truth is out there, and you'd ask them for a shovel! I'm waiting till I see."

And basically, that's what they were doing. Coming to the middle of a damn desert to see what had K so worked up. He could have been with Opal, his Opal. Usually she was in LA while he was across the country in DC when not on an assignment. He loved that girl, and no matter how hard or frustrating his job got, she was able to soothe him in ways no other could. He had been yearning for this time with his girl, and now it was gone.

It was the slamming against another body that snapped him out of his reverie.

"You?! Watch where you’re going! Fuck, you’re supposed to LEAVE after you try and fuck up the world.”

Brian's jaw set in annoyance. He was beyond the point of not being in the mood to deal with him again. He stepped up to the taller blonde without hesitation. He leaned up, meeting the other man nose to nose without a second thought. "And again, people like y'all can't handle it, which is why I got MY orders!" he shot back, his country twang in full effect. The two FBI agents behind him had gone on ahead without his notice.

"All you're gonna do is cover it up! Hide it; use it somewhere to make the world worse..."

"We ain't on a mission anymore, pretty boy. I could-"

"Oh yeah? Bring it on, you damn hillbilly!"

"Hillbilly?! Hillbilly?! This hillbilly has more brains than you, you poor excuse for an agent. No wonder you were on hiatus before!"

At that, Nick shoved the CIA agent against the wall. He didn't care what K said. He could care less that the CIA would be pissed off if he beat up the one agent willing to deal with them. America hated anyone taking away the Big Brother role the way HimTak did. But all he could think of was how badly he ached to beat the annoying southern boy to a bloody pulp, even if K did have the misfortune of being related to Brian.

No one mocked his hiatus, not with what had lead to it. No one. It was a sore spot that never went away. "You know SHIT. Back the HELL off!"

Finally, he felt a pair of hands pull him roughly away and shove him back against the wall. An angry pair of green eyes met his gaze. Brian just smirked defiantly. "So Kev, is it time to fire him yet?"

The oldest one of the bunch just rubbed his temples, followed by a tired run of his hand through his full head of black hair. "I'm going to go gray between you two and your immaturity. 008, this is exactly why you're not going on this mission. And Brian, he's one of my best, and I'm sick of you helping pick fights. Both of you are acting like spoiled brats, and I am damn sick of you both. Carter, go to Pearl's lab as planned. Brian, follow me to containment; your FBI agents are already there. And if you know what's good for you, stay silent, or the US government could go to hell before I let them in on this incident."

Both of them rolled their eyes, but did as they were told as Agent K took this moment to turn around and walk further down the corridor. Brian took a deep breath and, after shooting a glare after Nick, walked down the same direction his cousin had.


± ± ±


Brian found himself delayed later, but for good reason. The mission was located in LA, and he couldn't believe his good luck. It was nothing compared to the time off he could have had, but it was something.

He had told Agent Jay and Agents Scull and Mull that he would meet with them at the destination, but that he had a meeting he had to attend first. And it was true, sort of. He had caught the first flight he could, even if it was at two o'clock in the morning. He’d wanted to arrive the first chance he got.

Now he was there, with Opal in his arms, as they lazily watched the sunrise on the balcony of her luxurious studio apartment. Her silky, dark hair was within his fingers, and her jade eyes were gazing up at him with love. Brian couldn't think of a better way to spend a mission, especially after his last one. She just didn't know he had another assignment to do just yet.

"This is so nice," she said softly, as if not to ruin the tone of the newly born day. "You, me, the sunrise, and no one is trying to kill us."

A gentle kiss was placed upon her forehead by the southern gentleman. "Perfect."

"I can't believe we'll be able to be free of that for two weeks... I love my job, yeah, but it's good to have a break."

Brian subconsciously released a sigh at the thought. His superior officer owed him big time. "About that."

She stiffened just ever so slightly. "You got another assignment, didn't you?"

"Darling, I didn't want it..."

"Which means it involved Himitsu Takana again because that's the only reason they'd take your vacay away." She gave a slight pout of the lips. "That stinks. What's time off without your boyfriend?"

He gave her a gentle squeeze, nuzzling her neck and inhaling the sweet, vanilla fragrance of her skin. "The good news is that this mission is here in LA, so I won't be far, and I'll take a day or two extra with you after it's done."

Opal smiled softly. He may have been a workaholic at times, but she gave him points for trying. In their business, it came with the territory, and she had long ago accepted that. When they’d first began dating, she’d had a hunch he would love his country more than her. She didn't know for sure, and may never know, but it was endearing, and she loved that loyalty within him. "This better be some mission," she teased.

He nodded. "Huge. K actually had to call us because he wasn't sure how to go about it without a little help."

"That big?"

"Yep."

She grinned even more, with a twinkle in her eyes. "Fine; I guess I'll let you save the world."

He chuckled as he stood with her scooped within his arms. "I'll save the world later. Right now, I have a new mission." With that, he ran off to her bedroom playfully, and loud squeals and giggles between the lovers soon followed.


± ± ±


“I can’t believe I’m wearing this,” Pearl groaned, letting out a soft squeal as she tripped in her stilettos.

“Just think of it like this: the sooner we get in, the sooner we can get out and out of these get-ups. Does this tail make my ass look big?” Red inquired, turning to look at the white ball of fluff on her butt.

Groaning, Emerald gave Red a slight push. “Let’s move it, girls.”

Jay shook his head. He couldn’t help but laugh; this was going to be interesting. Part of him was sorry that he had to subject the ladies to this, but the other part of him… well, he was a guy, after all.

They made their way up to the entrance of the Playboy Mansion and pressed the button, listening to the elaborate doorbell, which was a horrible rendition of “Don’t Cha.” Four pairs of eyes turned to stare at Jay.

“What? I didn’t pick the doorbell music.” He smirked.

There were assorted groans just as the door swung open to reveal a huge, muscular guy with an unsmiling face.

Jay took a step forward, offering his hand to the guy. “My name is Rico.”

The guy stared at his hand and then at him and then looked at the girls, a hint of a smile forming on his lips.

Jay cleared his throat. “These are my girls. That’s Cookie…” He pointed to Emerald, whose eyes widened in shock. “That’s Candy…” He pointed at Pearl, who whirled around to look at him. “This is Cocoa…“ He pointed to Diamond, who stiffened slightly. “… and this little lady is Muffin,” he finished, resting a hand on Red’s shoulder. She jerked out of reach, and his hand fell back at his side.

“Muffin, huh?” The guy grinned.

Red swallowed hard, batting her eyes. “I hope you like muffins.”

The guy chuckled. “You have no idea. Why don’t you ladies come on in?”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that; that’s exactly why we’re here. I’d like to donate these lovely ladies…to you! Well, to the man of the house… might I have a word with him so we can work something out?”

The guy stared at him for a moment before shutting the door.

“Way to go, Jay, now we’ll never get in!” Pearl groaned.

“I had to say something; it’s weird if I’m offering you guys and don’t ask for anything.”

“Now what do we do?” Diamond sighed.

Just then, the door opened again, and they all turned.

“You ladies can come in. You… Rico, you leave.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Where they go, I go.”

The guy crossed his arms over his chest. “Then no deal. It’s either the ladies, or you all can leave.”

Red slowly made her way closer to the man, bringing her hand up and rubbing his chest lightly. “Aww c’mon, it’s no fun without Rico.”

The guy raised an eyebrow. “Rico would be too much of a distraction. The ladies around here get distracted too easily, and we don’t need another guy around here. Boss’s orders. Your choice.”

Jay hated to do it, but they needed to get inside. “Fine.”

“What?!” was the collective response from the four women.

“I want you ladies to do what you’ve always dreamed of, and that’s to be Playboy bunnies. Who am I to stand in your way? Don’t forget me, okay?” Jay sighed, before turning and heading off.

They stood there, stunned.

“Ladies, won’t you come inside?”


± ± ±


Jay quickly made his way down the driveway and over to the van waiting a short way down the street. He pounded on the door and hurried in once the door slid open.

“This isn’t good; I can’t believe they wouldn’t let you in,” Brian sighed.

“I tried, but the ladies are okay; they can handle themselves,” he said, giving a small nod to Mull and Scull, the FBI agents.

“I know, but we don’t know what we’re up against. I mean, we handle this kind of thing a lot, but this is just… I don’t know; it’s crazy. We haven’t seen this kind of activity in years, and all of a sudden it’s starting again?”

“Mr. Littrell, we’re starting to get feed,” Mull announced, turning the volume up and flipping a few more switches.

“Great.” Brian put a pair of headphones on and handed another pair to Jay. He was worried; they had to stop this, and they had to stop it fast, before the whole world started to be taken over.

Jay shook his head. “I can’t hear a thing.”

“Here, let me adjust your settings,” Scull suggested.

Suddenly, Jay could hear several different voices all at once. He could make out Emerald distinctly. He hoped they’d be all right in there.


± ± ±


“Please, ladies, make yourselves at home. Hef will be down shortly to introduce himself and help you get better acquainted.” The security guy smiled, running his hand over Red’s shoulder lightly. “And maybe I can have a muffin for desert.” He winked before walking off.

Pearl pretended to gag. “I may throw up. I can’t believe this,” she whispered harshly.

“You’re telling me,” Red groaned, rubbing at her shoulder.

There were a few girls standing around; they all eyed them wearily.

“Okay, ladies, let’s split up; we can cover more ground that way. Get any information you can get from the women, but don’t be too suspicious,” Diamond announced.

“That won’t be too hard,” Emerald groaned.

They all went their separate ways.


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
A tiny blonde man was in a hurry. Holding his crotch tightly with his hands and clenching his teeth, so as not to jolt out a yelp, the man walked down the corridor hurriedly, yet cautiously, not wanting to draw any attention to his side. He was lucky anyway; everyone around the mansion was too busy… well, with each other.

He felt a sharp pain again below his waistline. Wasn’t he just a stupid man, without any control over his hormones? Just the blink of an eye from a Playmate, and there he’d been, in her bed, making love. If that’s what you called it. The Playmate had been beautiful, very beautiful indeed. He snickered; he’d never gotten this lucky in his entire life.

Lucky? Was he calling what had happened there luck? It hadn’t gone well, all in all. Yeah, he was a little self conscious about his performance in bed, but something told him that wasn’t the reason why the Playmate had started making weird noises and talking in a weird language. The rest had happened in the blink of an eye; all he’d felt was a sudden pain in his penis. It hadn’t taken him longer than two seconds to get dressed and leave the room in a storm.

“I gotta get outta here; I gotta get outta here…” he kept repeating under his breath with a voice that could easily be mistaken with a mouse’s.

He heard voices coming from the direction he was walking in, which made him stop dead in his tracks. “Oh my Doc!” he squealed. Looking around, he saw a big sculpture shaped like a giant bunny head. To his luck, he was quick enough to hide behind the bunny head only seconds before two women passed by it.

“I still can’t believe we agreed to do this,” a redhead spoke angrily to the blonde woman. “Is this what we were hired for? And these outfits, they stink. NOT comfortable at all…”

The tiny blonde man wiped the sweat off his forehead; that was a close call. Getting out of where he was hiding and walking towards the exit, he thought about what the consequences would be if he got caught by someone. It would be dreadful, for sure, not being able to serve his master again. Gulping, he came to his senses; getting caught by the enemy meant not living after all. Even if he survived, his master was a merciless man; he didn’t accept any failure at all. But no, his master was a generous man, too, if one served him right. And he – a grin appeared on his face as he got out to the fresh air – was going to serve him right. Forever.

“I got out!” he squealed with joy. But still, he had to be extra careful until he was in the safe zone. With that in mind, he decided to leave the main road and follow a path down through the bushes. Just as he stepped through the first bush, a sudden buzz made him squeal with fear. He looked at his right arm, still holding his crotch firmly, and saw the watch continue buzzing with red lights flashing around. Kneeling in the midst of the bushes and making sure nobody could notice the petite man there, he pushed a button that let out a tiny screen.

And there appeared none other than his master.

“Donnie, what the hell are you still doing over there?!” Dr. Rough’s stern voice was heard through the small screen.

“Hello, Do… Doc… Doctor Rough,” Donnie stuttered. Oh, how afraid he was now, how afraid he was to disappoint his master.

“Answer me!” Dr. Rough growled on the other side. Even through the miniature screen, Donnie could notice the twitching in his master’s eye.

“Oh Doctor, I was… um, I was visiting my brother, sir. You know…” Donnie spoke slowly, trying to stop his stuttering, which got only worse. “I-I-I… I, you know… I wa-… was… visi-… visiti-… visiting m-m-m-… my bro-… broth-… brother… for… y-… yo-… you kn-… know…”

“Oh, shut up, you little mouse who can’t even put a sentence together!” Dr. Rough growled as his eye twitched even more rapidly than before. Then, all of a sudden, he cracked a smile. “You know what my next big project is, right, Donnie?”

Donnie could only nod excitedly. “Yes master, you were too kind to tell me about-”

“Shut up!” Dr. Rough growled once more, but let out an insincere smile again. “And you know how I need some good information on the subject, don’t you?” Seeing Donnie nod, he continued, “Well, do I need to remind you that, out of all the people working for me, I count on you to bring me the best information on the subject?”

“No sir, I… I… I am your devoted servant, sir, and believe me, by… by… by the e-… end of to-…to-to… toni-…tonight, I… I… w-… w-… will br-… bring you the best information out there,” Donnie spoke in one breath, trying to control his stutter.

Annoyed at his tiny minion’s miserable state, Dr. Rough let out a deep sigh. “Alright, Donnie, I trust you on this. And never forget, if you do it right, your devotion to me and my vision will be rewarded greatly.”

Donnie’s eyes grew with anticipation. “Thank you, master; you are so very generous, mast-” Before he could finish, with a slight beep song, the miniature screen went black and shut off. Donnie now knew that he had a mission in his hands, to prove himself to his master.

Exactly forty-five minutes and twenty-three seconds later, Donnie was hunched down in front of his computer in the hotel room where he’d been put up for the job to be done in Los Angeles, typing vehemently without taking his eyes from the screen. As he hit the enter button, he was sure he had started off from the right point. What could be a better source than the famous movies of all times for his master’s next project?

“This is gonna be so good; this is gonna be so good… My master will be so proud of me,” he mumbled to himself with his squeaky voice. This was his chance to be the right hand of his master.

Seconds later, as the information started to pour onto his screen, his attention went back to what he was searching for.

Star Trek… hm… hm… Star Trek – good movie, but not for the purpose… not quite right… not what my master’s really been looking for.” He went onto the next on his list.

The Butterfly Effect… no… Kate and Leopold? Bleh! Stupid, stupid love movie!” Disgusted, he continued searching through the page. Within moments, his eyes sparkled.

“Aha… a bit of an old movie, but my master would love it. Rod Taylor movie – oh, I like the actor. And here it is… a newer one! Oh, and it has sequels! Nice… very nice…”

This would definitely satisfy his boss.


± ± ±


“And the shit just keeps going,” Emerald marveled as she rounded a corner, only to be met by another long corridor.

The Mansion was the most extravagant place she had ever set her eyes on, a far cry from the streets she’d grown up on. Looking around, she could almost hear the boisterous voice of Robin Leech pointing out its many beautiful features on an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Everything was so lavish and pristine. And it all must have cost a fortune.

Under any normal circumstances, Emerald would have been excited to explore the place and see what kind of trouble she could cause as she helped herself to the mini bars that seemed to be present in every room in the house. But these were not normal circumstances.

While the outfit was ridiculous and demeaning, the mission itself was not a problem. Neither were it the Mansion’s other occupants who bothered Emerald. The bunnies were – no surprise – completely useless and unable to think for themselves, and the men in the house were more interested in the slutty babes than anything she was doing. No, the problem was a certain horny old bastard who seemed to have taken a liking to “the feisty one.”

Theoretically, this job should have been a cakewalk, but so far, she’d come up with nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a single clue that could shed some light on the case. “Jack shit!” she grumbled as she searched the dresser in the master suite.

Rolling her eyes at the black leather bondage accessories in the bottom drawer, she hit a button on her wristwatch. “Jay!” she hissed into it. “Jay! You know I can appreciate getting kinky every now and then, but I have my limits! That horny old bastard is like a damn bloodhound! He’s everywhere!” She reached into the drawer and held up a large rubber dildo, shaking it at the camera in her watch. “I swear to God, Jay, if you don’t get me out of here, I’m going to bring this back with me and shove it up your-”

“Ms. O’Riley?” A deep, gentle voice questioned nervously, “Is that you?”

“Bri- er, Agent Littrell!” Emerald was unable to hide the horror in her voice as Brian’s flushed face appeared on her watch.

Though Brian had no qualms with Emerald and loved the fact that she hated Nick Carter, the genteel man was somewhat scared of HimTak’s little firecracker. “Agent Jay is on the phone with Kevin at the moment,” he explained, regaining his composure. “Is there something I can help you with, darlin’?”

“There’s nothing here except brain-dead blondes, booze, and a shitload of sex toys.”

Slightly embarrassed – and Emerald did not get embarrassed – she hit another button on her watch, severing communication with the CIA agent. Littrell was such a good ol’ boy, or at least that was the impression he gave, that she doubted he would even know what half the stuff in this drawer was. Hell, even she didn’t know what it all was, and she had slept with rock stars!

“You are truly one depraved fuckbag,” she muttered, closing the drawer, the dildo safely inside.

And not a moment too soon. For as soon as the whispered words left her mouth, she heard the click of the bedroom door opening and jumped. Her body stiffening, she looked around for a place to hide and ducked into the connecting bathroom just as Hugh Hefner strolled into his chamber.

Emerald silently removed her stilettos, knowing the heels would make too much noise against the bathroom tile. Clutching the shoes in her hand, she tiptoed over to the bathtub, if you could even call it that – it looked more like an in-ground pool in miniature – and stepped down into it.

There was a shower curtain that surrounded the circular tub, but naturally, it was gauzy and transparent, the liner behind it totally clear. It was hardly worth trying to hide behind, but she carefully pulled it halfway across its bar anyway, hoping it might keep his eyes from looking into the tub, should he come in. She sat down on the cool bottom of the tub; then, realizing her head could still be seen above its rim, she took a deep breath and stretched out her body, forcing it to lie flat.

As she lay in the tub, deeply uncomfortable because it was so hard and cold and her bunny costume was so skimpy, she tried not to think of what had been done in this tub, of what she might be lying in. She hoped to god the Mansion employed good housekeepers.

She drew in a sudden breath and held it as she heard the door to the bathroom open. Through the gauzy curtain, Hef’s silhouette appeared. Her mind raced as he came toward the tub, trying to think of what she would say when he drew back the curtain and found her lying there.

But to her relief, his figure stopped before he reached the tub and lowered, she realized, onto the toilet. Oh no, she groaned internally, disgusted behind belief.

The next ten minutes were among the most uncomfortable she’d ever experienced, and not just because she was lying on stone cold ceramic. She tried to block out the sounds of Hef’s grunting and straining as he rifled through what she assumed to be a magazine, hearing the pages crinkle against his dusty old fingers.

It was probably one of his own Playboys, she thought with disgust, and silently shifted her weight, rolling onto one hip. That damned bunny tail felt like a tennis ball up her ass when she tried to lie flat.

Finally – thankfully, without the sounds or smells of the bodily function she’d been dreading – she watched Hef rise from his “throne” and put the magazine down. He did not flush. She let out a breath of relief, assuming he would leave now so that she could find a way to escape.

But to her horror, he did not head for the door. Instead, he turned, his silhouette growing larger behind the shower curtain.

Emerald moved quickly. By the time Hef drew back the curtain, she had pulled herself into a very centerfold-like pose. She lay propped up on one elbow, her bare legs curved, toes pointed, ass turned up so that a hint of the bunny tail could be seen. She returned his surprised look with a smoldering one and purred, “I’ve been waiting for you, Hef.”

Blinking back his surprise, the old man cleared his throat. “So you have, I see. Most of my ladies don’t dare to come into my private rooms without an invitation.”

She could tell he wasn’t scolding her, just explaining his astonishment to find her stretched out in his bathtub. She offered her sexiest smile and gazed up at him through half-lidded eyes. “I’m not most of your ladies. Haven’t you noticed by now? I’m something special.”

“I have noticed,” he replied, an eerie smile splitting his wrinkled face. “And I’m glad you’re here. I was just about to relax in a hot bath. I need to ease some tension. You’d like to join me, wouldn’t you?”

Emerald could not think of anything she’d less like to do, but she also couldn’t think of an excuse to get away, and it occurred to her that some private time with him could be helpful to the mission. Maybe she could get some information out of him while he was relaxed. And so, steeling herself, she replied, “I’d like nothing more that that.”

Hef drew the bath, filling the tub with hot, sudsy water and turning on the whirlpool jets so that it bubbled and churned. It looked like heaven to Emerald, until the naked, wrinkled, eighty-year-old body pressed itself against her bare breasts, and then it became her own private hell.

She thought she might vomit as he groped her happily beneath the water, and when she let him kiss her, she thought the vomit might go straight into his mouth. It was only out of loyalty to Himitsu Takana that she fought her gag reflex, hoping her own bile would be all that she had to swallow to protect the mission and her cover.

When Hef finally let the water drain from the tub and climbed out, thankfully covering himself up with a large towel, Emerald thought the worst was over. But she was wrong. The worst was about to begin.

“That was nice,” Hef seemed to pant, as if she’d just given him a workout in the tub. She imagined his elderly heart was pumping fast; she was hot, after all, and she knew just what to do to turn a man on, even an old man.

But what to say to get information? That part, she hadn’t figured out yet; Hef seemed to operate by the mantra “A little less conversation, a little more action.” She’d gotten nothing out of him, which made the way she had degraded herself seem pointless. She was anxious to get away and try to forget the whole thing.

But Hef wasn’t so keen on letting her go. “And now, sweetheart, I need your help with something.”

She wanted to spit “fuck no!” and run, but to her own revulsion, she found herself cooing, “Of course, darling. What do you need help with?” It was so uncharacteristic of her, so phony, that her own voice made her want to gag almost as much as he did.

“I’ll show you.” He opened a drawer and pulled out a black leather case, like a shaving kit. Carrying it with him, he beckoned her into the bedroom, and she followed in curiosity. Maybe she was finally about to learn something important, a revelation which could turn the whole mission around.

“What’s in the bag?” she couldn’t resist asking, as Hef sat down on the bed in his towel and placed the case on his lap.

He hesitated a moment, then handed it to her. “Open it.”

Mystified, she unzipped the leather pouch, folded back the lid, and wrinkled her nose in dismay as she looked down at its contents: latex bags and plastic tubes and nozzles. Medical equipment, though she wasn’t sure what kind. She looked back up at Hef with the first genuine expression she’d shown him: confusion.

“It’s time for my daily enema, sweetheart,” Hef explained, and just like that, she was back to the struggle of trying to hide her disgust.

“O-oh,” she choked. “Well, I should go and leave you to your privacy then.” She backed away quickly, but with reflexes quicker than she had expected of him, he reached out his gnarled hand and grabbed her arm, his papery fingers locking around her wrist.

“You misunderstand me. My bunnies always give me my enema. I thought you might be honored to be given the privilege today.”

Honored? Privilege? Emerald had to fight hard to keep the horror off her face. “Oh Hef, I really don’t think I can-”

“Come now… Cookie, is it? I have given you a palace of luxury in which to stay, and you’ll have a spread in my magazine, if you’d like. The least a beautiful young thing like you could do is help an old man. You do care about me, don’t you?”

No, no, no, and hell no! Emerald’s mind screamed, but she had no choice: she had to play along if she wanted any hope of uncovering his secrets. If he was this willing to share something so intimate, so embarrassing, with her, perhaps he would share more.

Before she knew it, he was stretched out on his stomach, his drooping, wrinkled ass bared for her to access, and she was following his careful instructions to prepare the enema. Red should be fucking doing this, she grumbled to herself, but she didn’t complain out loud. If she did what he asked, she would gain his trust; she felt reasonably confident about that. Somewhere in this mansion, there was the key to unlocking the mysterious events she had witnessed at HimTak the other night. She just needed Hef to give it to her.

“… Now, rub some lubricant on the end of the nozzle,” he was saying, gesturing to a tube of KY Jelly on his nightstand. “Don’t go too light on it either. Then you can insert it.”

Emerald’s stomach, normally quite strong, churned with nausea as she forced herself to do as he asked. He groaned as she placed the tube, and she couldn’t tell if it was from discomfort or pleasure. The latter brought her close to the verge of vomiting; she could feel the stomach acid rising up her throat, but she swallowed it back. If she lost control of herself, she’d blow the whole thing, and she had come way too far to let that happen now.

As her hand touched his skin, she inadvertently displaced the towel which he had removed from his waist and draped over his back like a blanket. When the terrycloth material moved, it exposed something she had not noticed before on his body (not that she had been looking too closely at it; she’d tried to avoid that as much as possible). It looked like a tattoo. A strange symbol on his lower back, below where his waistband would rest, centered over his spine.

It’s a tramp stamp, she thought with a smirk, but the tattoo had piqued her curiosity. She was something of an expert on them, though not quite the connoisseur Jay was, but she had never seen one like this. It was not the usual Chinese or Native American or even a hieroglyph. In fact, she had no idea where a character like this originated from, let alone what it meant.

And that was not the only strange thing about it. In the very center of the symbol, she could just make out something that was not skin, but metal. A very thin metal ring, seemingly imbedded in his skin. Was it a piercing? She leaned closer to study it; again, even in all her years of banging rockers, she hadn’t seen anything like it.

“This is a cool tattoo,” she finally said, reaching out to trace it with her fingertips. “Who did it?”

Her question was never answered. His reaction was lightning fast. He whipped around and grabbed her wrist again, jerking it away from his body and overturning the IV pole holding his enema bag in the process. She winced as the tube was ripped out of his backside, but he didn’t so much as grimace.

“Don’t touch that,” he hissed, with a fury in his eyes. Emerald was stunned. Gone was the suave, horny, yet kindly old man who had probably been quite charming in his younger years. The man who was gripping her arm now actually scared her.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized quickly, forgetting about the mission, just anxious to get out of the room now. “I was just wonder-”

His eyes narrowed at her. “You really aren’t like the others, are you? Why are you here? Who sent you?”

“I… no one! I came for my dream… I’ve always dreamed of being a Playmate, Hef.” She tried to return her voice to the sexy purr she’d used with him in the bathtub, but it was shaking. “I came here for you.”

As he surveyed her through those hard, suspicious eyes, she realized he didn’t believe her and knew what she would have to do. She hadn’t wanted to do anything that would compromise the mission, but now, she knew she had to, to save it.

With her free hand, she reached down the front of her bunny lingerie and across the silky material of her black bra, custom tailored for her by Pearl. She found the tiny valve hidden in the center of the bra’s padded cup and released it. She held her breath. A split second later, a hazy blue gas began to rise from her cleavage. She wafted it away from her and watched its progress up Hef’s nostrils.

He was staring at her more with confusion than rage now, and before he realized what she had done, his eyes glazed over, rolled up into the back of his head, and closed as he fell back into a twisted heap on the bed. Releasing a shuddering breath, she leapt away from him and shook all over like a wet dog, trying to rid herself of every detail of the experience she had just endured. Then she looked back at Hef, making sure he was safely unconscious.

Sleeping gas. The bra, her secret weapon, had a store of it in its cups, to be used only for dangerous situations like these. The gas didn’t kill its victims, only rendered them temporarily unconscious for up to twenty-four hours, leaving them dazed when they awoke. Hef would probably shit his bed while he slept and wake up bewildered and smelling worse than he already did, but if she was lucky, he wouldn’t remember what had happened.

Still, time was short now that she had nearly been discovered. Hef had only inhaled a small puff of gas; he wouldn’t be out long. She and the other girls had to find some answers, and soon. Maybe the strange tattoo on his back was a start. Alarmed by her close call, she didn’t dare stick around to investigate it now, but she carefully rolled the old man over to take a picture of it before she left. Maybe she could get Pearl in his bed next… to do some further study, of course.

With that thought in her mind, she fled the room, ducked into the nearest bathroom off the corridor, and finally expelled the contents of her stomach into a golden toilet bowl.


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
Nick smirked as the mission played before his eyes. Yeah, he was stuck here, and yeah, this was the perfect mission he was forced to sit out on. The fact they were all at the Playboy Mansion, in revealing outfits that displayed their sleek bodies, toned from years of training, about killed him.

Still, things could be worse for him. If he had to monitor the video feeds, at least he could focus on the girls. JC was on a mission now as well, but Nick couldn’t care less about that at the moment. Truly, the only other downer was the fact that the southern CIA agent who had quickly become a thorn in his side was on the mission with the girls, too. He was sure Brian would end up taking over the mission eventually, and with what was involved, the government would take it and execute a cover-up. He bet his life on that one. That one simple fact was what really made his skin crawl.

"Heh, at least Emerald's having 'fun time' with Hefner," he commented with a snicker as he stood, now bored at the lack of action. Here he was, in Pearl's laboratory; surely he could find something to interest him more. His eyes scanned the various screens, displaying all the 00-ranking missions of the moment, and if he wanted, he could pull up lower agent assignments as well. The ladies were all on display for him to view with pleasure, and JC was for him to ignore. He grinned; there could be worse things he could be doing then. "And the angels are lovely as always..."

Nick paced around the lab, humming a tune to himself before he started to sing on a whim. "My beautiful woman... B is for beautiful as the sunshine..." He eyed a fedora. No, had to be a weapon for Jay. The man would sleep with the things if it didn't ruin them. "E tells me everything's feeling alright..." He continued to sing, that being something for the moment. Then he saw more intricate items, like a diamond ring. He picked it up to examine. "A-" A laser shot from the "diamond." "-Aaah!" He dropped it back on the time. "A goes to U and me, swinging in time."

That was when he spotted it. A bra, but not just any bra. A fully automated bra he’d heard Diamond say Pearl had been rumored to be creating. According to Jay, of course. He grinned as he picked it up. A D-cup. It had to be for Diamond; who else could it be for? Because of the weaponry, the bra was firm, even without actual breasts filling it. He quickly glanced around. "T is two... I want you!" He put it on over his shirt.

He laughed at his own reflection upon the metal tables. "Uuuuuuu've got me acting like a fooooooooo-" The blonde man danced to the mental beat he had going. No one could see him anyway. He rubbed the bra.

As he did, flashing lights began to go off. Small, tubular devices emerged from where the nipples would be. Within moments, a complete round of angry bullets began firing off around the room. "-oooSHIIIIIIIIIT! Shit! Shitty shitballs! Okay... um... okay, fuck, how the hell do I turn this thing off!?" He aimed his new chest to the other side of the room, away from the computers. If any of those were lost, Pearl would have him slaughtered.

"Fucky fuck. Fuck a duck!" He aimed the chest away as it began to bounce off the metal coated walls. Bouncing bullets were making it worse. They bounced around, lodging in anything that could absorb them. One raced through the fedora; another bounced off the ring and melted, thanks to the miracle chance the laser diamond went off. One hit a picture frame. One grazed the computer desk, and Nick almost had a stroke until he saw it had missed the computer. He shifted down, hoping the floor could take it.

"Niiiick... oh my... down!" Lancy could be heard on the other side of the room, going to the floor as the bra raged out of control. Unfinished, it was now choosing the direction instead of Nick.

"What in the hell’s blazes is going on down here, Carter?!" he heard his superior yell as he, too, dove for the floor to avoid being shot with the firing squad Nick called a bra.

A few more shots rang out, before smoke filtered from the ejected revolver-styled bra nipples, and the device finally shut down. Nick threw it upon the floor, ignoring the damage he had just caused. "Nothing, K, just an incident, but I, um... handled it."

His secretary just grinned widely. "Cross-dressing looks fabulous on you."

"Nick... how... why...?" K shook his head in disgust. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"K-"

"I never knew you were the type, Nicky."

Nick rolled his eyes at Lancy. This... looked bad. K was going to have him killed one of these days. The younger agent was willing to bet again that it'd be one of the Kentucky cousins who did him in, in the end, rather than Drums.

"There's an explanation for this, K, and-"

"I DON'T want to know. Somehow, someway, clean this mess up and monitor the cameras like you were assigned to! And if you don't, then I will NOT hold Pearl responsible for what she does to you because of this." K stormed out, confused as to why Nick had even tried on the bra to begin with. 00Carter was one of the best agents he had, but times like this made him question if the blonde was worth the trouble that was always doomed to follow him.

Nick glanced at Lancy, who had picked up the bra and was examining it. "Wow, original design taken from Victoria’s Secret –
not just smart, but lovely fashion sense." He hopped into a chair beside the one Nick was resting in now. The latter’s heart was still thumping crazily after that incident, and he gazed at Lancy. "Ooh, who ya spying on? Squee! Diamond! I'm so watching for you. Oooh, look at that hottie near the grotto. Le sigh, I soooo need a vacay, Nicky."

Agent 008 just released a sigh and watched the screen. It was getting interesting again, and besides, he could clean the lab later. She couldn't get too mad, right?

That question was immediately answered as her face appeared upon the main screen moments later. She was seen playing with an amulet from another camera, which was her own disguised communicator back to HimTak. It was a large, Celtic-styled charm with soft jewels around the edges. The design was a hologram to hide the video screen, and the jewels were truly buttons. She gazed into it on her end of the connection to see Nick, standing there, looking extremely sheepish, with Lancybassy beside him. Both were trying to block the view of the lab, but they couldn't. They couldn't begin to hide the view of her now completely wrecked laboratory. After an assignment that had pulled her away from her gadgets, involving something she thought wasn't rational because she believed firmly there was another, more scientific explanation, and stuck her in stilettos and skimpy outfits, this was the last straw.

That was when Professor Pearl finally snapped.

"Now Kit..." Nick used an old pet name for her, one from before her alias. He definitely had caused whatever had happened.

"What...the... hell... did you DO TO MY LAB?!"

"I can explain..."

"NICK! You know how much my lab, my creative space, my haven, means to me. K has you down in there, I'm betting to watch the feed, and THIS is what happens?!"

"Nick was cross-dressing!" snickered Lancy, who hoped the calm down the top scientist with humor. An elbow slammed against him, directed from his boss, and an evil, icy blue stare came along with it.

Her eyes narrowed. "You did not do what I think you did."

"You still love me..."

"You're pushing it."

"Come on, Pearl!"

"Are you kidding me?! I almost had all the kinks out of the bra, and you just put me back on square one, PLUS almost destroyed my lab, my sanctuary!"

He could see her eyes narrow with anger; frustration was clearly written on her face. Nick hadn't seen her that angry or upset since her first mission with Chasez. "I'm sorry, really, really sorry. I'll have it clean before you get back-"

"I can't believe you did this!"

"Now Professor, Nicky did do it by accident. Who could blame him for cross-dressing...?"

"Stay out of it, Lancy."

The flamboyant and talkative secretary got silent at the sight of the fuming scientist.

"You... are so dead, Nick." She sounded serious, looked furious, but he could see the smile she was trying so hard to hide, the amusement in her eyes. Despite all the anger, she found the image in her mind of what happened funny. He knew it. And she’d also always had a soft spot for him; all the ladies did, except Emerald.

"I dare you to try and prank me again. But I'm sorry, Pearl. Glad you still love me."

She sighed. "You're very lucky. So, any idea what that symbol Emerald sent you was?"

"Not yet."

"Alright." The blonde scientist turned her head, having heard a noise within the halls. "I need to go; I think I hear someone. Bye... 00Dead Meat."

Nick could see her own impish, trademark smirk, and then she disappeared from his screens. He looked around the disaster of a lab and groaned. He was so going to get it for this.


± ± ±


“You just missed all the action back at HQ,” said Pearl, looking up, as Red entered the room. Her expression was one of exasperation, and Red was instantly curious.

“Yeah? So what’d I miss?”

“Oh, just 00Carter running amok with my prototype of Diamond’s new laser bra and completely destroying my laboratory.”

Red gasped, her mouth falling open before twitching a little at the corners. “Are you serious?”

“Wish I wasn’t. No wonder they used to call him Kaos.”

Red giggled. “That I would like to have seen.”

“Me too. I only witnessed the aftermath.”

“Aw… sorry about your lab,” Red offered. She was sympathetic, but not as much as she was amused by the idea of Nick wreaking havoc in an armed bra.

Wondering what else had been going on at HimTak while she had been playing her new role as “Muffin” at the Playboy Mansion, Red soon retreated to the privacy of one of the lavish bathrooms and held her right hand up before her face. On her middle finger was a platinum ring set with what appeared to be a large ruby. All she had to do was slip the ring off, tap a tiny button hidden on the inside of the band, and the stone became a communicator. Everything was tinted red as she squinted into the center of the smooth gem, but she could still see the headquarters. A careful twist of the ring toggled her view to that of the surveillance camera mounted in her medical ward.

She felt an unexpected rush of emotions as she peered through the scarlet stone at the familiar quarters, empty without her there. First, there was longing… the wishful hope that she could finish her business here and return to Nevada soon. She wasn’t cut out for missions that involved her prancing around in corsets and bunny ears; she much preferred scrubs. But then, there was dread… the frightful memory of the blood-spattered scrubs she’d donned last, the turmoil that had surrounded the empty table the camera was focused upon. Its stainless steel surface had been scrubbed clean, sterilized, so that it gleamed in the fluorescent light. But she would never forget the body that had last lain upon it… nor what had come out of it.

The mission had been successful in distracting her, but now, she let her mind run away with its recollection of the nightmarish incident that had brought them here.


Bree wailed as the next contraction came. Red urged, “Push!” and looked between the laboring woman’s legs as the crown of a head appeared. She was thankful it wasn’t breach. The fetus slid out a little at a time, its smooth scalp coated with blood and vernix. The skin beneath appeared bluish-gray, and Red felt a rush of concern that it was suffocating. “One more big push, Bree,” she coached.

The mother screamed as she put the last of her strength into expelling the fetus, and her offspring slid out into Red Jewel’s gloved hands. When the red-haired doctor looked down at what she was holding, her mouth fell open.

Then she, too, began to scream.

The skin was dusky blue, almost purple, and slimy with the contents of its placenta. There was no hair on its body, not even lanugo; its slick scalp was perfectly bald. It was that smooth head that horrified her the most, to the point where she nearly dropped it out of shock.

The cranium was shaped like a light bulb and massively oversized, more disproportionate than that of any baby she’d delivered. Hydrocephalus, she might have guessed, if it were a normal baby. This was not a normal baby. Not by any means. It might have passed for one at first – a hydrocephalus baby suffering from oxygen deprivation – had it not been for the face.

That face would haunt her for the rest of her life.

There were no eyebrows, no lashes, only eyes. Large, bulging, slanted eyes, with lids that flickered open and shut horizontally rather than vertically. When they were open, they revealed two convex pools of liquid black, without the slightest trace of white sclera or colored iris. The corneas formed a translucent film, like that of a puddle of oil, with faint swirls of color on top. She could see her reflection when she gazed into them; her own eyes were wide, her face ashen.

Below the eyes were two mere slits – nostrils, though there was no protruding nose. A small, lipless mouth gaped open below those, and it uttered a frightful cry. Not the sharp wail of a newborn baby, but a sound more like that of a hissing cat, mixed with a shrill screech for which she had no comparison. She’d heard nothing like it before. It was not of this world.

In her arms, the creature writhed and stretched its limbs: two arms, two legs, but with only three digits per hand and three webbed toes attached to the feet.

Within her, her instincts were fighting each other. Fear gave her the compulsion to fling the slimy, unearthly creature away from her, like she might a giant slug. Yet, oddly enough, from somewhere deep inside her, her maternal instincts tugged at her heart and compelled her to hold onto it. In the moment, she wasn’t capable of rational thought, but later, she would realize that it was the way the creature was reaching up to her with its floppy limbs, crying, that kept her hands cupped beneath its bulbous head. It was not a human baby… but, somehow, a baby just the same.

It felt like she’d been holding it for minutes, but really, her mind was in warp speed; it had only been a few seconds. Dimly, she became aware of the reactions of the others in the background. Gasps. Then screams. Loudest of all was a male scream, that of the husband, Jim.

That scream was what triggered the others into action. Jay pushed the husband down into a chair before he could pass out; his knees buckled as he collapsed into it, but still, he was hysterical. Emerald pulled on a pair of latex gloves and took the creature from Red’s arms. “The mother,” she said in a low voice that was still sharp enough to divert Red’s attention.

Red wondered where she was going to take the creature, what she was going to do with it. She wondered what it even was, though somewhere in the back of her mind, she already knew. But there was no time for such questions. On the stainless steel table before her, the mother was fading fast.

“Jim? What’s wrong? What’s… what’s wrong with my baby? Is my… baby alright?” She’d been asking the questions for as long as Jim had been screaming, but no one had been able to answer. Only now did Red hear how breathy her voice was and realize she was going downhill.

The rush of adrenaline coursing through her bloodstream allowed her doctor’s instincts to take over, and she sprang into action again, pulling her stethoscope from her shoulders to listen to the young woman’s chest. Just as she had suspected, the breath sounds were weak; the woman’s lungs were suddenly filling with fluid.

There had not been time to set up monitors when she’d brought Bree in, but now, she hurried to clip a pulse ox monitor to the index finger of one of the woman’s hands, which were shaking uncontrollably with shock. She attached leads to her heaving chest, only to watch as the EKG waves measuring her heartbeat peaked and plummeted erratically.

The woman began to hemorrhage then, expelling what was left of the placenta in a surge of blood. Red nearly slipped in the fresh puddle on the tiled floor as she fumbled for her surgical tools. At the head of the table, Bree’s eyes rolled back into her head, exposing only the blank stares of their whites. The blips of the heart monitor increased in their frequency, sounding with such lightning speed that, to the human ear, they seemed to merge into a single tone. And then, they did become one, a piercing, endless whine, as the new mother’s heartbeat accelerated to a rate beyond its limit and suddenly stopped.

The cardiac arrest eased the gushing of blood from her body, but it was too late to save her. Already, nearly half of her blood volume was on the floor. Red suctioned and sutured and tried to resuscitate, but the effort was in vain.

At a quarter till midnight, she pronounced Breanna Kimble dead and stripped the blood-soaked gloves from her quivering hands. Then, leaving Jay to deal with the distraught husband and Emerald, the offspring, she retreated to her office, barricaded the door, and broke down into hysterical sobs.



The memory of that night left Red tremulous, her eyes filled with fresh tears. She had lost patients in med school, witnessed plenty of odd cases during her time at HimTak, but she would never get over what she had seen that night. The only bit of relief she could find in it was that the mother, Bree, had not seen what she’d given birth to before she crashed, and that her widowed husband, Jim, would not remember. Only Jay and Emerald remained witnesses to the traumatic birth of the extraterrestrial.

Red, like they, had given her statement to the FBI agents who had arrived two days later to observe the live specimen and autopsy the mother. They were not just any FBI agents, she quickly realized, but members of a special department, a secret sector of the government reserved for the unexplainable. They investigated unsolved mysteries, paranormal activity, events beyond the civilian realm of understanding. They told her very little besides that, but she deduced that K had been right in bringing them onto the case, along with his charming CIA cousin. Agents Mulder and Scully seemed to know what they were talking about; they appeared to understand far more than she did, that was for sure.

She felt she had no business being in LA on this mission, but although she had protested along with the other girls, a part of her was glad she had been sent along. It was a welcomed reprieve from the medical wing she looked in on at HimTak, where the sight of the alien baby, the smell of the mother’s blood on the floor, and the sounds of her husband’s screams would haunt her for a long time to come.


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana
A long, slender leg slipped out from the waters of the bubbling grotto of the Playboy Mansion. The lights were dimmed, and a thin haze came from the heated waters rushing over the manmade waterfall within the pool. Bodies were on top of each other, and light music filtered through speakers above them, yet little was said. She stretched herself as her leg slid back under the hot tub, resembling waters of the grotto. It was a place always said to hold many secrets but, like Vegas, what happened there stayed there. Long, golden tendrils were piled atop the young woman's head as she peacefully moaned at the soothing heat and relaxation that soon took her.

"Mmm... this is heaven." Her hands held her small phone, which rapidly texted her favorite secretary. "I don't know why the other ladies hate this mission so much. I'm lovin' it! Hot soak, hot guys to watch... now this is a mission. " Diamond Divine couldn't have been happier at the moment. Yes, she was supposed to be sneaking around, but she was keeping an eye out for the enemy. Whether they be aliens, bad guys, or nasty old men on Viagra. She had to blend in, so what better way to do so than relax, like so many of the other Bunnies here did?

That was when the noise came. A noise unlike one she had ever heard before. The pitch made the screen of her phone crack. The screech was a wailing moan, that of perhaps a banshee, definitely something not of this planet. The screen shattered into pieces completely before the deafening noise finally silenced. That was when Diamond's jaw clenched. You could mess with many a thing of hers, and she'd shrug it off. But her phone? That made it personal. She was finding that alien, and she was finding it now. She gazed down on her poor, shattered phone. A senseless victim. So she pushed the button on the side that was the last resort back-up speaker.

"Girls, I think there's totally something by the grotto, ‘cause it killed my phone! Ugh, meet me here, ‘kay?"

She grabbed her tiny skirt and matching top to quickly slip on before the others came. That was the other rule of the area: you had to be nude – no swimsuits. The strappy heels she adored were snapped upon her feet, and she let her hair down in bouncy, loose ringlets. She had to look good, of course. Her hands slipped into her mini purse to pull out one of the specialized weapons Pearl had made them bring along. A gun made with far more power than one would expect.

Diamond happened to be ready just in time for the others to show up. Red looked beyond relieved. After leaving the sanctuary of the bathroom, she’d had another run-in with the guy who just adored "muffins her flavor." Emerald was still disgusted by the entire affair and was ready to let Jay have it the moment she got her hands on him, after what she’d had to deal with. Pearl… to say she looked peeved would have been putting it mildly. Diamond idly wondered just what had the ladies so riled up, but there was no time for that now.

"So what's going on, Barbie?"

"I was in here, totally getting my spa on, and this weird noise came and killed my phone! But no one even blinked twice at it but me." She waved her hand around at the others, who were too infatuated with each other and the sexual tension rising through the steam to notice much else.

"Jeez, and I thought Blondie was always horny," Pearl quipped.

"Where'd the noise come from?" the doctor asked.

Diamond pointed towards a small corner of the waterfall, along a wall of the illusioned cave of the pool, which no one occupied despite the coveted privacy it would have provided. Emerald raised a brow at it before looking at the phone. "Damn, shit killed it. I'm amazed you're alive without your lifeline."

Red's brow furrowed as she started examining it. Pearl, however, slipped on a large pair of designer sunglasses very similar to the ones celebrities wore. That's what they had been, actually, before she’d modified them to detect signals certain levels of technology gave off. Not that she'd buy shades like these. Actually, she had "borrowed" them from-

"Hey!" the other blonde squealed. "I've been looking everywhere for those!"

"Sorry, I owe you a pair, Di, I swear."

"Hmph."

She pressed a tiny button along the side of the frame, almost invisible unless one knew it was there. A light flashed along the front of the lenses, and suddenly, everything came into view. She stepped forward, brushing against a large rock, which made a panel slide open to reveal a long, dark passageway.

Red grinned. "Nice. This has cliché written all over it."

Pearl shrugged and took off the shades. "Blame the one who built it."

The ladies snuck down the hall, the wall closing in fast behind them. It slammed shut, and Diamond sighed. "They can never stay open, can they?"

Emerald smirked. "Better for us; no one will see us here. I want this mission over and done. Jay owes me big time for this shit."

As the four continued down the hall, a soft humming was heard. They all glanced at the scientist who continued, oblivious. "Here come the Men in Black... they won't let you remember..." She felt their gazes and blinked. "What?"

Diamond giggled. "Wouldn't we be the Bunnies In Black?"

The brunette just rolled her eyes. "You're the smart one. They're gonna hear us."

"Em, seriously, these walls are almost soundproof. The stuff in this passage is intense, like devices built to absorb all the noise ‘cause they all operate on audio. I'm almost positive the only noises able to get out are the ones on the really pitchy frequency, like Di heard."

Red looked over. "Like the aliens."

"Shame they're not like ET – that alien was nice, but icky looking. I loved that movie."

"I know whatever's controlling Hef is a testy-ass bastard. Wait till I tell you what I just had to-"

"I still say there's another explanation. I mean, come on. There's no scientific evidence even supporting any credibility of aliens in any galaxy close enough to travel here, let alone within the Milky Way galaxy, and-" Her words were cut off quickly at the sight before her.

The path had led to a room that lit up by a motion sensor. Inside was a large, oval-shaped craft, in a space larger than even her lab. The metal of the craft looked reflective and shimmered with glimpses of a rainbow. Little lights bleeped around it with a soft humming. It was so much like a sci-fi movie's depiction of a spaceship, and yet so very different at the same time. Pearl's eyes widened as she stared in shock. The girls stopped immediately at the sight as well.

"Wow!" was Diamond's simple reaction.

"Shit, that's huge."

Red was speechless.

Pearl took a breath. "… Okay, and now I'm a believer." After the initial shock wore off, out came her tiny camera, snapping photos of the far-advanced technology. She was like a kid in a candy store, and she couldn't get enough. "I can't believe this!" She ran up the ramp, where the door to the hull was left open. With a cautious gaze within, she stepped inside and recorded it all on film. "There is so much I can – we can – learn..."

"Wow, who knew the movies had it right?" Red said softly, just taking it in.

"You okay?" Diamond asked.

"Yeah, I'm alright."

"Damn, that girl just got her form of crack," Emerald mused, watching the fourth girl with amusement. "It's like a nerd at a Star Trek convention or some shit."

Pearl picked a small item up as she ran back down the ramp. "You guys, we should..." She caught their gazes. "Focus. Okay, focusing." She slipped within her pockets two new devices; one was something that enwrapped an almost holographic cone around you and absorbed all noise so none reached outside of the cone. The other she hadn't tested just yet to see its purpose. She'd play with her newfound toys later, she supposed.

A loud crash came from back down the passageway. Emerald pulled out her gun, fully back in her trademark bitch mode. "Great, what is it now?"


± ± ±


“Um, ladies, I think you have company…” Jay warned as he peered around the corner just in time to see a large group of Playmates headed towards the grotto. He’d managed to sneak onto the Mansion grounds through the staff entrance, and all he’d had to do was grab an apron – a pink one with the Playboy Bunny emblazoned on the front in white rhinestones – and the guards around the Mansion merely assumed he was a kitchen worker. Now, using his watch to keep an eye on the girls from a secluded corner just outside the kitchen doorway, he could hear murmurs of a security breach and a call for all personnel briefed on “the project” to report to “the headquarters.”

“What’s going on out there, Jay?” Brian asked as he, Mulder, and Scully watched the scene unfold from the surveillance van.

“The girls must have tripped some sort of silent alarm…” Jay peered over again and saw that even more Playmates – and several large guards – were on their way into the Grotto. “They’re way too outnumbered; I’m going in there.”

“Just watch out,” Brian reminded Jay, as he, too, watched the girls become surrounded by the Playmates who had already arrived at their location. Mulder and Scully exchanged a glace before looking back at the screen.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Jay said with a sigh, as he crept his way across the lawn to the pool area. Thankfully, the secret entrance had been left open by the last person to enter it, and after a quick look around to make sure he wouldn’t be spotted, Jay quickly made his way to the girls.


± ± ±


“There’s too many of them!” Red screamed as she struggled to jam her elbow into the ribs of one of the Playmates who had latched onto her back, only to have another Playmate take a swipe at her head.

“And it’s impossible to fight in these damn heels!” Emerald called out, throwing the Playmate that lunged at her into the wall.

“Not when you’re used to it!” Diamond shouted as she kicked one Playmate in the stomach and turned around to punch another one.

“Not all of us wear stilettos all the time!” Pearl replied as she, too, kicked one of the Playmates in the stomach, then had another one sneak up behind her and try to choke her. The Playmate’s grip was soon inexplicably loosened, until Pearl looked over and saw a bullet had pierced the Playmate’s chest. Turning around again, Pearl saw her mentor, Jay, firing his gun left and right at the Playmates and guards.

“Took you long enough!” Emerald snapped at Jay, as she managed to subdue another Playmate and punch one of the guards. Jay shot the guard just as he was about to attack Emerald again.

“You’re welcome!” he called back, still firing his gun but throwing in a few punches at the attackers who now surrounded him.


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana
“He’s going to damage that ship!” Mulder exclaimed, as they watched the fighting from the van. “We have to get in there before they destroy everything!”

Brian sighed as he looked at the screen, imagining the potential damage that might be done and what impact that would have. “Let’s go,” he said over his shoulder, as he was already out of the van and halfway down the driveway towards the grotto.

Mulder and Scully exchanged another mutually concerned glance before following suit. This was the breakthrough they had been waiting for, just the evidence they had been searching for all over the country for years: solid proof of alien life.


± ± ±


“STOP RIGHT THERE! ALL OF YOU!” Hugh Hefner shouted, in a voice that seemed almost too powerful to be his own. Immediately, all the remaining Playmates and guards stopped what they were doing. Hef, with three blonde Playmates by his sides, walked closer to the scene that lay before him.

“What kind of sicko are you, Hefner?” Jay asked before the old man could say anything else. Hef smiled an evil smile at Jay, then looked at one of the remaining guards and nodded in Jay’s direction. The guard moved over to Jay and managed to restrain him, although it took some effort, as Jay put up a fight and continued to struggle although his arms were behind his back.

“Are you all willing to cooperate?” Hugh asked, looking around at his captives as they scowled at him. Emerald’s eyes were particularly full of hatred towards him. He winked at her, and it took Emerald every ounce of her willpower not to tackle him and pummel him bloody and senseless. “You must have gone to a lot of trouble to spy on me, but I wonder why?”

“People are dying because of you!” Red shouted, trying to once again repress the memories of that haunting night that were trying to resurface.

Hef scoffed, and the three girls with him laughed. “You have no idea what’s going on here. But you’ll soon find out. All of you.” And with that, something that none of them ever expected to happen, happened.

The Playmates’ skin suddenly adopted a bluish-purple tinge to it, and their eyes grew large and black, their irises completely disappearing, almost as though they’d been stretched beyond the corners of the eyes. The nostrils became narrower, almost like thin slits, and their noses were flat to their faces now.

In the midst of the Playmates’ transformation, the guards, stunned by fear, mustered up enough energy to run out of the room, screaming. They ran right past Mulder, Scully, and Brian, who slowly crept into the room, hugging the back wall in the hopes that they wouldn’t be noticed. Mulder and Scully tried to hold in their shock and excitement, while Brian simply couldn’t believe his eyes.

Hef raised his hand to his face and tugged at a wrinkle by his ear. Almost automatically, a mechanical sound rang through the room as Hef put his right hand across his face and pulled it right off. The sight they all now beheld drew mixed reactions. There, in the place where Hef’s face had been moments ago, sat a tiny being surrounded by levers and buttons and cranks. His face was scowling, but Jay couldn’t help but laugh.

“Dude, that’s what you really look like? A blue Chihuahua puppy with dilated pupils? At least the Playmates look evil… You just look like you’re rabid or something.” Jay continued laughing as the tiny alien’s face twisted into what could only be assumed to be anger, while Brian snickered to himself at Jay’s colorful description of the creature. He quickly managed to regain his composure and raised his gun once again to prepare for the aliens to attack.

The alien growled with rage and lunged at Jay, taking him by surprise. Emerald, finally given the opportunity she desired, whipped out her concealed gun and fired three shots into the tiny alien’s skull.

“Man, I’ve been waiting HOURS to do that!” Emerald exclaimed, glaring at the motionless alien lying a mere three feet in front of Jay. It was then that they all realized that the Playmates were completely motionless now, their faces devoid of any emotion at all.

Pearl took advantage of the situation and made her way to the Hugh Hefner suit that was now abandoned by its tiny alien owner. She squealed in delight at how advanced the technology was.

“Ooh,” she cooed, “I never thought I’d see mechanisms like this in my lifetime! It’s a dream come true!”

“Excuse us, Miss Pearl,” Mulder said, appearing next to her, as Scully showed up on her other side, “but we’ll need to take a look at this device.” The incredulous look on Pearl’s face said all she wished she could at that moment, as Mulder and Scully stared her down.

“But- I just wanted to- Surely you can let me just-“ Pearl began.

“Miss Pearl, this is United States Government property now. Our evidence. Please step away,” Scully said, her intense stare at Pearl only emphasizing her stand on the matter. Pearl glared at them both one last time before storming away, cursing them silently under her breath.

Diamond slowly stuck out her finger to poke the one near her in the arm, quickly pulling her hand back when she realized how slimy its skin was and letting out a shriek. Red examined the alien next to her closely, paying attention to the texture of its skin, the color of it, every detail she possibly could. She was amazed at how all they could seem to do now was breathe and blink. Her examination was cut short by the loud boom made by Emerald’s gun firing a shot into the back of the alien’s skull. Red was shocked, but Emerald simply smiled at Jay, as they both continued to walk up to the aliens and shoot them in their skulls.

Brian, however, was walking around the perimeter of the ship, fascinated by its design. He slowly took a few steps up the entry ramp to the interior of the ship before he heard yelling behind him and turned around, gun instantly drawn.

“That’s United States Government property you two are destroying!” Scully exclaimed when she realized what Jay and Emerald had been doing. By the time the FBI agents had stopped them, Jay and Emerald had killed nearly all of the aliens; only two or three were left.

“Oh please, we’re doing you a favor!” Emerald shouted back.

“They’re evidence! Our evidence! You have no business shooting them!” Mulder screamed at her.

“You have got to be shittin’ me!” Jay replied.

“Hey! All of you, listen to me!”

Of course, just like in the movies, nobody did.

Brian shook his head and tried one last time to get everyone to shut up. “HEY!”

That finally made seven heads turn and look at him.

“So now that I have everyone’s attention, can we at least talk about this?!”

“Talk about what?” Emerald stared right through him with her famous piercing look. “These things might suddenly come to life and start a killing spree.”

“Maybe so, but we need to keep these last ones alive.” Mulder motioned to the remaining ones. “They can teach us about their species.”

“At least they knew how to accessorize. And to cover up nasty skin like that,” Diamond commented casually. “The world could use more people with that knowledge.”

“Puh-lease.” Emerald was in no mood to reason with this man. The whole enema thing was still fresh in her mind, to the point where she wanted to destroy everything evil reminding her of the whole ordeal.

“How about making a deal?”

“You’re not in the CIA office, Brian.” Jay smirked. “This is no time for making deals.”

“Hear the man out,” Red said, as she motioned towards him. “What’s on your mind?”

“Thanks, Red. How about we let these three life forms live, and Mulder and Scully can do whatever they want with them.”

“Wait a minute!” both Jay and Emerald protested.

“I wasn’t finished. In return, we – or you, ‘cause I don’t want anything to do with it – get to have a closer look at both them and Hugh.”

It took them a few minutes of bickering about the deal Brian proposed, but eventually, they all complied, even though Mulder and Emerald especially were not all that happy with it.

Scully almost had to drag him to the other side of the room, wanting to exchange thoughts and knowing they had to come with a decent cover-up. First, though, she called their boss because they couldn’t collect all the evidence themselves. They’d need a team of agents to make sure the alien ladies would be transported to a safe environment in which they could be closely monitored or, in case of the dead ones, dissected.

In the meantime, Mulder kept glancing over his shoulder at the others, checking to see that they wouldn’t mess things up.

“This shit is crazy.”

“Can you please not use the word ‘shit’ anymore?!” Emerald hissed, her temper reaching the boiling point.

“Sorry?” Jay asked.

“Never mind,” she muttered, not wanting to explain herself. “Let’s take a closer look at the bastard.”

Pearl was already glancing inside the skull of the mechanical suit. “This is amazing,” she whispered to herself as she carefully touched the wires. Accidentally, though, she hit one of the handles, which made Hef’s left leg stretch, almost kicking Emerald, who was just approaching it.

“Hey, watch it, Pearl!” She laughed a bit too loud.

“What are you people DOING over there?!” Mulder yelled.

“Nothing!” Emerald responded, followed by a softly spoken, “Asshole.”

“Sorry, we’ll be careful!” Pearl apologized, as she sent him an angelic smile.

“Right,” Mulder muttered under his breath, as he sent a small smile back.

“Mulder, we need to talk about this.”

“I can’t stand here while those fools destroy more evidence than they already have!” he growled as he, being the adult he was, actually stomped his feet.

“Yes, you CAN,” Scully simply stated. “You have to.”

“Okay, okay.” Mulder rubbed his temples as he tore his eyes away from the HimTak team.

“So, what WAS that over there?! What are we going to tell the media – or anyone, for that matter? Because I, for one, don’t have a clue.”

“I think Hefner had control over them.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I figured as much, ‘cause they all dropped down as soon as what’s-her-name shot him. Got anything better?”

“Let’s see. They all seemed to be under a spell of some sort, but how in the world did he manage that? And, well, they obviously appear to be from another kind of breed than he was. The differences between them are clearly visible.”

“Yeah, not only do they look different, but assuming Hugh’s species built the suit himself, his kind is far more intelligent than the other one.” Scully let out a short laugh. “The Playmates lack not only brain mass, just like in the ‘real world.’ They don’t even seem to have any kind of artificial intelligence.”

Mulder did not see the humor in that, but then again, he hardly ever found anything funny, so Scully wasn’t offended.

“Maybe it was the whole Playboy mansion. The water or something.”

“Maybe. We’d have to ask the others if they drank something during their time here.”

“Let’s not do that. We don’t wanna make them any smarter than they already are. They know far more than is good for them or the rest of the world.”

“Don’t exaggerate things. I mean, they’re on the good side.”

“Yeah, all the killing showed exactly that.”

“You know you are sulking, right?” Scully stated as she gave him a look. “What if it was the sex he had with his Playmates?”

“Like how?” Mulder looked at her, a bit puzzled.

“I don’t know. Maybe he injected something every time he had sex with one of them, keeping them under his spell. A microchip that would be in connection with the suit. Something along those lines.”

“That’d make more sense.”

“But now, what do we tell the press that happened?”

“Maybe that the bastard just died?!”

Mulder and Scully almost jumped up as Jay seemed to pop up from out of nowhere. In reality, he had walked over there to make sure they’d all get their story straight.

“That would be too simple.” Mulder shook his head.

”Why?” Jay laughed. “To the world, he was an old man. Okay, he had a lot of attractive women surrounding him, but he was still an old man. We could release a statement saying he died of a heart attack while he was having sex with his favorite Playmate of the Month. Then also state that she was so shocked by what happened that she killed herself. The other bunnies were so devastated by the whole ordeal that they went home and turned their backs on being sex objects ever again, out of respect for Hugh. Something like that.”

“I think that could actually work,” Scully said, as she slowly nodded. “It’s not too far out there, for the most part. And after awhile, we could state that Hugh said in his will that the Mansion would be made into a Playboy Museum, or maybe even something more useful.”

“I still believe it’s too simple.”

“Simple might work, Mulder.” Scully smiled. “It just might work.”


± ± ±


“Eww, who would die for Hugh Hefner?” Leaving the dead alien Playmates, Diamond walked up to the where the other girls were. "I wonder what happened to the real Hef?" she asked, more to herself.

“Poor old ass likely got offed,” the roughest HimTak girl replied. Emerald had knelt down, determined to find out more about the tattoo and the metal ring embedded in it. Together with Red and Pearl, she had rolled Hef on his side, careful not to damage the suit. She had told the others about the object while they were looking inside the skull, but wisely skipped the whole enema ordeal.

At first, the women tried to grab it with their nails, but they just couldn’t get them under the metal ring. They looked at each other, knowing none of them would have any equipment that could help them.

“Diamond, your nails could get under there.”

“But I just had them done,” the blonde agent said with a pout.

Emerald rolled her eyes. Then they all looked at Brian, who was standing a few feet away from them, not wanting to come ANY closer to the whole alien scene than absolutely necessary.

“What is it?” he asked them, hands in his pockets and a stubborn look on his face. He did not want to have anything more to do with this if he didn’t have to.

“We need your help.” Pearl smiled at him.

“I bet he’s the kind to have a Swiss pocket knife on him at all times,” Emerald teased.

A red flush crept up his cheeks, as he, indeed, got a pocket knife out of his jacket and threw it over to Emerald.

“Thanks.” She smiled at him before she searched for the right kind of tool. After she found a small knife, she carefully lifted up the ring.

“Careful,” Red warned, as she felt herself leaning just a bit backwards. Just in case.

Emerald nodded as she slowly pulled.

The women looked in awe as they saw the tattoo move upward, like a hatch of some kind, revealing part of the inside structure of wires, chips, small buttons and LEDs, instead of a spine, muscle tissue, blood vessels and nerves.

“Maybe it’s some kind of emergency exit for the little bastard.” Emerald laughed.

“Why do you say that?” Pearl asked, as she leaned forward as much as she could without falling over.

“Because there’s a tiny ladder in here too.”


± ± ±
Bunnies In Black: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana
There was a ladder on the sidewalk, left by some window-washer, no doubt, but, staggering through the streets of L.A., Donnie barely saw it. In fact, though he was normally quite superstitious, he walked right under it without any thought of bad luck, too out of sorts to know he had done it.

His crotch was on fire now, and so was his mind. His thoughts were jumbled, chaotic. He hadn’t felt right since he’d slept with that Playmate, and now… now... He couldn’t even make sense of how he felt; his brain was too muddled, his senses foggy.

He willed himself to think straight. He was supposed to be doing research for Dr. Rough, research to aid in the development of his master’s latest project. He couldn’t let his master down.

Never before had Donnie been given such an important mission. He liked to think it was because Dr. Rough trusted him, deemed him worthy of such a task, but he knew deep down that he’d only been given the assignment because of who he was. Who his brother was. He had connections in the field from which his master sought information; thus, he’d been sent to Los Angeles.

That he’d been chosen for the mission by default made it that much more imperative that he succeed. If he pleased Dr. Rough and earned his master’s favor, he knew there would be more missions. He could rise up through the ranks of FANS and become one of Dr. Rough’s most prized agents, second only to Drums.

If only he could collect the information Dr. Rough wanted. He could not fail…

He tried to concentrate on the task at hand, tried to push the Playmate from his mind. Every time he allowed his thoughts to stray from Dr. Rough and his mission, the blonde Bunny invaded his brain. He didn’t remember her name, but he could not forget her kisses… her touch… the way her silicone breasts pushed up against his chest as he pressed himself down against her, straddling her beautiful body.

His breath came in shallow gasps, and he felt himself grow hard and hot at the mere memory of her. He longed to go back to the Mansion or anywhere where he could find another girl, a girl like her, to relieve his desire. But in the back of his mind, he remembered his mission and knew he had to get over to his brother’s place instead.

Now… where was it he lived? Donnie had been there many times, yet he found he could hardly remember. He felt strange, like he was high off some drug, yet he’d had nothing to eat or drink and was perfectly sober. He shook his head rapidly, like a wet dog, hoping it might bring him out of this stupor. Yet when he stopped, he felt even dizzier.

He stumbled to a nearby bus stop and dragged his thumb down the bus schedule, trying to decipher which bus would get him closest to his brother’s neighborhood, but the numbers, times, and destinations blurred and wavered before his eyes. He couldn’t focus enough to comprehend them; instead, his mind’s eye went over every detail of his Playboy bunny’s body, following her tanned, flawless skin from the part in her platinum blonde hair, so natural it didn’t even show dark roots, to the tips of her perfectly pedicured toes.

Unaware of what he was doing, he began to remove his clothing, one article at a time. When the next bus pulled up to the curb and lurched to a stop in front of him, he boarded with the others waiting at the stop, deaf to their shouts of protest.

The residents of Los Angeles, accustomed to witnessing strange things in the city, stared up the aisle in bewilderment at the slight, pasty man quivering in his white briefs at the front of the bus. As he gazed back at them with eyes that were not quite in focus, they heard him whimper, “Do you know why you’re afraid when you’re alone?”

Donnie had started to tremble, filled with a sudden sense of dread he could not explain.

“… I do. I do.”

The bus driver turned toward him, hand poised over the lever that shut the door. “Sir, you need to get off this bus. You can’t be comin’ on here with no clothes on.”

Donnie looked at her without seeing and shook his head. “You don’t know so many things.”

“I know you ain’t welcome on my bus half nekkid! ‘Specially if you ain’t got no bus fare. And I don’t see no pockets for you to keep your change in, now do I?”

“I’M NOT GIVIN’ YOU NOTHIN!”

The driver met his crazed eyes with a level glare. “Then you’d best get your white ass off my bus.”

Donnie did not move; he stood there and quivered, rubbing at his skin, which suddenly itched like mad. “Some people… they call me Freak. I am… I am a freak.”

“Uh-huh.” The driver nodded; her expression had softened into one of pity. “Can you tell me your name?”

Instead, he heard the Playmate’s sultry purr. “What’s your name, big boy?” Donnie; his name was Donnie. A fact which he constantly had to remind Dr. Rough of when his master mistakenly called him Danny. He hated to be called Danny.

“Don’t you know me, hero?”

“I’m afraid I don’t, but why you don’t you tell me your name and where you’re trying to go? Maybe I can help you,” the driver said, more kindly now.

Donnie shook from head to toe. “I don’t wanna be afraid no more…”

“Afraid of what?” When the man didn’t answer her, she tried asking, “What do you want?”

“WHAT HE PROMISED ME!” Donnie exploded. “I want what he promised me.”

“And what’s that? Who’s ‘he’?”

Donnie didn’t answer; he began to rock back and forth, hugging his bare chest.

The bus driver sighed. “Sir, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to get off my bus now, or I’m gonna have to call the cops. I’ve got a schedule to follow, and you’re holdin’ me and all these people up. Now, come on, off you go.” She pointed firmly to the open door.

Donnie shook his head, his eyes darting wildly to the strangers who sat before him. “You were wrong… you were wrong. NOW LOOK AT ME!” he screamed, without understanding why he was saying the things he was.

“We’ve seen plenty of you, trust me,” the driver replied tartly. “You’re almost nude.”

He turned to her with miserable eyes. “You forgot cursed.”


± ± ±


Dr. Rough continued to pace across the hotel room’s thin carpet, back and forth, back and forth. What was taking so long? He should have known better than to send him, but damn it, he’d thought Donnie would be able to handle it. Apparently he’d been wrong. His minion hadn’t checked in yet; he had no status report on how things had gone down.

Dr. Rough sat down and then stood, and then sat back down. What was going on?

“Fuck, I might as well go find him myself; I can’t keep waiting around like this,” he muttered, turning and making his way out of his suite.


± ± ±


He stepped out of the limo, brushing the non-existent dirt off his immaculate black trousers, and looked around. There was nothing there, nothing, and it was quiet… too quiet.

Making his way carefully towards the entrance, he tried to keep his eyes peeled for anything unusual, but there was nothing. Dr. Rough stroked the ferret in his arms slowly. Something had happened here; he could feel it. And where the hell was Donnie?

His minion had contacted him earlier with possible news, so he had planned to meet up. Whispers from his own sources of "odd happenings" within the Playboy Mansion had brought him to Los Angeles, his eyes and ears wide open for any information he might be able to use to his own benefit. So here Howard was, and yet, he saw nothing, heard nothing but his own footsteps.

Walking up to the door, he rang the doorbell and rolled his eyes at the elaborate chime. He waited and waited; no one came to the door. He pressed the button again. Still, no one came. Slowly, he made his way around the large mansion. There were none of the scantily clad women the home was known for around anywhere.

Sighing heavily, he made his way back around to the front. He shouldn’t have had to be there; he had people to do this shit for him. Someone would pay for dragging him out here, and for no damn reason: he had no answers. It all came back to Donnie. Dr. Rough wondered if this was what parents felt like when their kid came home late from a date.

“Looks like my kid has missed curfew, it seems, Dr. Twitches, and Daddy doesn’t like that; no he doesn’t.”

Turning, Dr. Rough made his way back into the limo, taking one last look at the mansion before slipping his sunglasses back on and putting the tinted window back up.


± ± ±


Dr. Rough took the mug off of the tray and waved the uniformed man away, leaning back in his chair, propping his feet up on the elaborate table. He sipped at his coffee, trying to not let his anger get the best of him. He was expecting Donnie to knock on the door any minute, sputtering and quivering like he always did with some lousy excuse as to why he was so late.

Taking a calming breath, he reached out and flicked the TV on, flipping idly through the stations. Over nine hundred channels and nothing good on. What he wouldn’t give for a good evil doctor taking over the world movie. Who really wanted a hero? Seriously.

He continued to flip through the stations, when something caught his eye, a news report. His eyes widened, and his feet dropped like lead weights to the floor as he turned the volume up.

“We’ve just received word that the beloved Hugh Hefner, founder and creator of the popular Playboy franchise, was pronounced dead today from a fatal heart attack.”

Dr. Rough listened intently; this was not good.

“Reports are still coming in as to exactly what happened. We had a field reporter at the Playboy mansion, but was unable to find anything out, and we haven’t been able to get in touch with Mr. Hefner’s rep. Condolences have already started to flood in; the world is clearly shocked by the loss of such a revered man, who was so well- loved.”

Dr. Rough raised an eyebrow. Was that so?

“We will keep you updated as more information becomes available.”

He started to turn the TV off to mull over this turn of events, when suddenly, Donnie’s face appeared on the screen. Dr. Rough stood abruptly, the chair rolling back and hitting the wall with a dull thud.

“And in other entertainment news, the brother of Oscar-nominated actor Mark Wahlberg was found trying to board a bus naked in downtown LA earlier today. Though the identity of the man was unknown at first, authorities later identified him as thirty-six-year-old Donnie Wahlberg.”

The news story transitioned to an interview with the bus driver.

“He tried to get on the bus, ya know? He was naked, and I said to him, you can’t be on this bus without fare and no clothes. He seemed like he was freaked out, kind of disoriented, rambling about getting what he was promised and screaming at all of us to look at him.”

“The police have Wahlberg in custody. Mark Wahlberg’s rep could not be reached for comment.”


Leave it to Donnie to screw things up. “Shit!” Dr. Rough stood and stormed out. He had to get him away from the police, and fast.


± ± ±


Nick smiled as four familiar faces came across the mission screens. “Hello, Angels!”

“Hi, Nick!” Three of the four responded. Emerald simply rolled her eyes.

“Nice to see you too, Avril.” Nick winked.

“I’m no angel of yours.” She shook her head.

“Technically, we were bunnies,” Diamond piped up.

“The Bunnies in Black,” Red agreed.

Pearl started singing under her breath, “Here come the Bunnies in Black… galaxy defenders…”

AJ pushed his head into view of the camera. “Hey Nick, can you tell me how JC’s mission is going?”

“Here come the Bunnies in Black… they won’t let you remember…”

“I dunno.” Nick shrugged. “He’s getting shot at by someone… So how did the Bunny mission go, then?”

Pearl stopped singing. “Great! I got a cone of silence!”

“A cone of… what?” Nick stared at the screen with a baffled look.

Emerald shook her head. “Don’t mind her; she’s just at her own private convention.”

“So, what happened with the other bunnies and Hugh?”

Emerald crossed her arms. “Well, Brian was there...”

Nick rolled his eyes.

“I can see you, Nick.”

Nick crossed his arms too. “Canada,” he mumbled under his breath.

Emerald shook her head. “These two agents from the FBI came and decided they would issue a cover-up.”

“FBI?” Nick scowled. “First we have the CIA working with us, and now the FBI? I thought we were about saving the world, not ourselves!”

“Sometimes it’s necessary,” AJ interrupted.

“Please.” Emerald shook her head. “We did all the work, and they came in, took the evidence, and swept everything under the rug. Including alien Playboy Bunnies and the baby! They’re practically stealing human identities!”

Nick slammed his hand on the counter. “They took the evidence? What is this, the United Conspiracy of America?!”

A pained look crossed Red’s face as she lowered her head.

“Are you okay?” Diamond whispered.

Red nodded slightly.

“And they took the ship!” Emerald continued to rant.

“There was a ship?!”

“It was incredibly advanced!” Pearl stuck her head into the screen’s view.

“Think of everything you could have done with it! They’ll probably just make weapons!” Nick slammed his hand on the counter again.

“What I want to know,” Red interjected, “is how they’re going to deal with that baby…” Her voice lowered a little.

Jay crossed his arms. “Well, no one knows about that but us… or at least, that we know of…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, how did Jim and Bree have an alien baby when neither one is an alien?”

“We don’t know that,” Pearl disagreed. “No one knew the Bunnies were aliens either.”

“He did mention that he had sex with a Playmate,” Jay reminded them.

Red lowered her head and crossed her arms. “So it obviously goes back to the Playmates… but how? Maybe something like an STD…”

Emerald shook her head again. “This is what’s wrong with this country.”

“What isn’t wrong with this country?” Nick smirked.

“Wow… did they just agree on something, Jay?” Diamond put her hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe this is a good sign?” Jay shrugged.

“He’s just being good because he knows I’ll kill him when I get back.” Pearl winked.

“I already said I was sorry,” Nick pouted.

Pearl put her hand to her head. “I don’t know how I’ll repair my lab, fix the bra, and upgrade whatever new phone Diamond gets…”

“I was wondering why I hadn’t gotten a text in a while…” Nick put his hand behind his head.

Diamond sniffled a little. “My poor phone…”

“What about the bra? Doesn’t that make you sad?”

“I can’t text Lancy with a bra.”

Nick smirked a little. “How about your bunny costume?”

“No, it—“

“008!” K’s voice rang through the hall.

“It’s 00Carter!” Nick shouted back.

K chuckled a little. “I believe your superiors are allowed to call you whatever they like.”

Nick crossed his arms. “So am I on mission screen duty anymore?”

K shook his head and chuckled again. “You can go wait for your Bunnies to come back.”

Nick stood from the chair excitedly.

“But remember, I won’t hold Pearl accountable for what she does to you when that helicopter lands.”

Nick let out a groan.

“Oh,” K smirked, “and it’s good you finally agree with Emerald on something.”

Nick whipped around. “Who told you?!”

K continued to smirk. “Just remember that the next time you’re paired with Emerald or JC… in the near future.”

Nick groaned again and stormed out of the lab. “Fucking hell!”


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana



Jay looked over at K with a knowing smirk on his face. Even when K was meeting with the superior agents, he always laced his fingers and rested his chin on them. It was a telltale habit of his.

Jay and Grasshopper were the only agents at this particular meeting, so they took the chairs in front of K’s desk. A moderate-sized envelope sat in the middle of the desk. K continued to stare at it intently.

“So is this Chinese ice water torture, or are you going to start this meeting?” Jay laughed.

Grasshopper held up a knowing hand toward Jay. “Patience is like the wind – it can sting you or embrace you.”

Jay shook his head and fiddled with his sunglasses. Stinging wind…

K slowly opened the folder. “It seems our enemy has a common thread.”

Jay leaned forward. “Meaning?”

K flipped through the pages. “Global Idol… the Antarctic missile…”

“How about the aliens?”

K shook his head. “There’s nothing in here about it, but of course we can’t be sure, since Nick retrieved this before we encountered that dilemma.”

“We are the Romans… FANS is our Caesar…” Grasshopper started.

K shook his head. “Is it really necessary for you to speak in riddles among the superior agents?”

Grasshopper gave him a knowing smile.

Jay removed his sunglasses. “So, what do we know about FANS?”

K continued flipping through the pages. “Even if it’s a file from their own hands, there’s not a lot of information in it. They seem to have bases all over the world… just like us…” K stopped.

Jay lowered the hand holding his sunglasses. “K?”

“According to this, their headquarters are located somewhere in Florida.” K shook his head and passed the file to Grasshopper as he turned back to Jay. “And even without this file, we still have the issue of the aliens.”

Jay set his sunglasses on the desk and crossed his arms. “Why did you let the FBI take all the evidence?”

A small smirk crept across K’s face.

“It was you!” Jay shook his head.

K laced his fingers again. “Even if he had the wrong reaction and reasoning, Nick had a point yesterday. We do focus a great deal of our attention on America. But that really isn’t our job…” K pushed a button on a remote, and the small screen popped from his name plate again. The local news was discussing recent events, including the death of Hugh Hefner.

Jay shook his head. “It was a pretty quick cover-up.”

K set the remote down. “Too quick and smoothed over for Himitsu Takana to process in that short of time, don’t you think?”

Jay shook his head again. “I guess you’re right.”

Grasshopper closed the folder and slid it to Jay lightly. “There seems to be some commotion at a Disney-themed park…”

Jay and K turned toward the screen. K increased the volume on the small device.

The sound crackled a little. “…Reporting live from Disney World, where there seem to be many odd phenomena…” The reporter quickly shielded herself from what looked like rain.

“A hurricane?” Jay asked.

K studied the screen for a moment. “It looks like there’s snow on the ground… and maybe hail?”

“Even at the Christmas Day parade, the Magic Kingdom has never been blanketed with snow like we’re experiencing today. This is a record snowfall, everyone!”

K tapped the screen with a pen and stared intently.

Grasshopper leaned toward the screen. “I have heard of it snowing in warmer climates, but the snow melts when it hits the ground…”

The news report panned across the park, stopping at Main Street. The scene looked almost like a snow globe inside one of the many gift shops. If the picture shook, would the snow disappear?

Grasshopper put his hand on K’s shoulder, giving him a brief smile.

Jay, who had been perusing the file until that moment, stopped abruptly. He had come across the page of an almost sinister character with a ferret on his shoulder. He smoothed his hand across the page and stared at it intently.

K put his hand on the page. “There’s no name…” He turned back to Jay. “Do you recognize him?”

Jay turned away.

K pushed the paper back toward Jay. “Do you know anything about FANS?”

Jay shook his head as he set the paper back on the top of the stack. “No. I just have a hunch that we should be careful…” He sighed as he stared at the photograph once more, before sliding his seat back and standing up. “K…”

K grabbed the file again and slid it towards himself. He paused to look up at Jay for a brief moment.

“With this strange weather in Florida… and FANS having their headquarters there… I’m assuming you want to check it out?”

K stared at the photo of the man with the ferret atop his shoulder again. “Yes. I think this is why we let the FBI handle the messy end of the last mission.”

Jay grabbed his sunglasses and smirked. “Should I start calming Carter down now?”

K shook his head and smiled. “No, get Emerald… and Pearl.”

Jay gave K a quick salute and left the office.

K continued to stare at the photo.

Grasshopper placed his hand on K’s shoulder again. “A man’s hunch is like the bands of a snake. If man is not cautious, he is the one in peril…”

K gave Grasshopper another smile before turning back to the screen. The white world of the Magic Kingdom was almost haunting. He shook that haunting feeling from himself.

Grasshopper smiled. “Perhaps Agent Jay could use a break this time. I hear 002 is quite familiar with the restricted access trails in the theme park.” Grasshopper gave K a slight bow as he stood, before exiting the room.

K managed a small chuckle before closing the file on his desk and placing it inside a drawer. He locked the drawer quickly and returned the key to a pocket on his suit.


± ± ±


Diamond leaned against the door of her office with a smirk on her face. “I never expected to return from my mission and see the infamous 00Carter sitting on my desk…” Her face softened into a genuine smile. “… with flowers…”

Nick picked up the vase and gave Diamond a quizzical look. “Do I really seem like the type of guy that would give you pansies when you came back from a mission where you were dressed as a Playboy Bunny?” He winked. “Be serious, Di.”

Diamond crossed her arms. “So who are the roses from then, Romeo?”

Nick shook his head before pulling the card from the bouquet. “These are from Lancy… for your phone.”

Diamond rushed at the flowers with a squeal. “I want to read the card! Let me see!”

Nick set the vase down as he grabbed Diamond’s hand and pulled her toward him.

“You know what upsets me most about the last mission?” Nick gave her a smile.

“That you know Pearl will kill you the minute you leave my office?” Diamond laughed.

Nick ran his hand down the small of her back and gripped her butt lightly. “That I didn’t get to be there with you while you were dressed as a Playboy Bunny.”

She gave him a seductive smile as she leaned closer toward him. “Who says you won’t get to?”

A wicked grin crossed his face. “You saved it?”

She ran her finger down his chest. “That was my one chance to get a real outfit. Why would I give it back?”

“Maybe you want to change into it now?”

She smiled as she slowly pulled the collar of his shirt down. “You know what upsets me most about the last mission?”

He leaned in to kiss her. “What’s that?”

She let go of his collar and ran her hand back down his chest. “In such a sexual place, I didn’t have any agents to share it with…”

Nick leaned in to kiss her again. “Desiree…”

She let out a seductive giggle as she unfastened the button at the top of his pants. She then leaned closer to him.

There was a small vibration. Nick let out a short gasp as a small moan escaped Diamond’s lips.

Nick pulled her closer to him and went to kiss her again, but the vibration changed to a loud rendition of “Mambo No. 5.”

Diamond pulled away and let out a laugh. “Pearl hacked your phone?”

Nick rolled his eyes as he pulled it from his pocket. “She changed it a long time ago, and I don’t know how to erase it.”

Diamond giggled again. “That’s Pearl for you. Is she calling to demand your presence for a butt-kicking?”

Nick shook his head as he went to put the phone on silent. “Damnit, it’s K.”

Diamond’s face dropped a little. “Maybe you should go?”

Nick silenced the phone and pulled Diamond back toward him with his free hand. “Now, where were we?”

The phone began vibrating again.

Diamond giggled as she refastened the button on Nick’s pants. “You’re being paged by your boss. You better go.”

Nick’s face formed a scowl as pocketed the phone again and stood up.

Diamond grabbed him into a hug. “Smile for me, okay?”

Nick gave her a short kiss on the lips as he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sure it’s a quick meeting… probably about Pearl’s lab with a mediator or something…” He kissed her again. “We’ll finish this when it’s done, okay?”

Diamond gave him a short kiss as well. “I’ll be waiting.”

Nick opened the door and gave her a wink. “Why don’t you change into your Playboy outfit for me?”

Diamond gave him her seductive smile again. “Anything for you, 00Carter.”

Nick shook his head as he left. “Damnit, K!”

Diamond laughed as she sat down on top of her desk and pulled the card from the flowers.

Di,
Sorry to hear about your phone. Please accept these flowers and my sympathies. Also, Steve Madden is having a sale tomorrow, let’s go? I miss my Diamond!
Fabulously yours,
Lancy


She laughed again. “Oh Lancy, you know just what to say!”


± ± ±


The small smile still playing in his lips, K left Grasshopper behind and strode out of his office. He walked down the corridor and stepped into the elevator, still pondering which agents to take with him for the Disney World mission, under the name of a so-called vacation.

The thing was, he quite agreed with Grasshopper on who should tag along. He was certain that 00Carter should be a part of this mission, if you called it a mission, of course – he knew Nick was still upset for not being a part of the previous one. Agent K was sure there was something going on, but he couldn’t really put his finger on what could be done once they arrived to Florida.

Much to his amusement, K realized he had already made his way out of the elevator and down the hall, almost reaching to Pearl’s lab. Yeah, Pearl was a must-have gadget for the mission; he knew full well that whatever was going down in Orlando had something to do with some evil machines. And Emerald, she must be in their presence as well; it just wouldn’t hurt to have some strong woman who would keep the other two agents in decency.

The two agents being none other than 006 and 008.

Just as he was about to knock on the door of Pearl’s lab, he noticed a dark figure coming from the opposite side.

“Right on time, 006,” he murmured, as the fellow agent nodded in response. Following a light knock on the door, JC and his superior walked inside the magnificent laboratory.

Emerald was leaning against the huge, metal desk where Pearl was sitting behind a computer, her eyes darting from one screen to another, and typing continuously at the same time. Bored with her companion, Emerald’s eyes literally shone at the sight of JC and Agent K. What she wouldn’t give to have a high-speed, full-of-action type of mission now. After the latest of hers, being dressed up as an effin’ Playboy doll, she was fully determined to get some more adrenaline.

“Hey there, boss,” she said, straightening up and walking towards the pair. She placed her hands in her jeans’ pockets. “What’s the news?”

Agent K’s green eyes wandered around the room. “Isn’t 008 present yet?”

“When is he ever at a place at the right time? Why should now be any different?” JC replied promptly and grinned stupidly when his point got approved by a chuckle from Emerald.

“Looks like you’ve been working on that sentence for a couple of weeks now, 006, haven’t you?” said a voice that belonged to none other than the blonde sitting behind the computer screens.

Sending a glare towards the two agents and a more meaningful one towards Pearl, Agent K took out his phone and called Nick for the second time since he’d left his office, feeling the familiar sense of impatience boiling inside him. No matter what Nick meant to him, Agent K was a man of discipline and good timing, the two qualities 008 lacked the most.

“So anyways, just start to fill us in about what we’re up to this time, K,” Emerald continued impatiently. “008 can be filled in later on. He needs special tutoring because of his lack of comprehension anyway.”

K threw another angry glare towards Emerald. She sure was a beacon and a hell of an agent, but then again, he could never understand why she was full of spite towards Nick. If there was any other rebel in the agency besides Nick, it was her. For some reason, Agent K saw a lot of similarities between the two agents, more similarities than their so-called differences, but maybe that was what made them conflict so much.

Shaking his thoughts away and agreeing with Emerald at some point, Agent K decided to blurt the news.

“Actually, guys-” He was cut off by a loud cough coming from Pearl. “Well, agents…” K eyed the blonde, who smiled in satisfaction and continued, “I’m not here to call you in for a mission, but for a different occasion.” He looked at all three of his employees’ faces, now all looking confused.

“We’re going on a vacation.”

“On a what??” Emerald and Pearl replied in unison.

Pearl had finally darted her eyes from the computer screens. If there was one thing that could draw her attention while working, it was the word ‘vacation.’ “I’m starting to believe that you actually are a human boss who needs a break as well,” she said, chuckling. “I didn’t know you had the word ‘vacation’ in your vocabulary.”

Oh, little did she know.

“Yeah, we’re going on a vacation-” He was interrupted once more, by Nick’s sudden burst inside the lab.

“A vacation?” Nick replied. Late as always, he had only heard the last words of K, who just looked at him and nodded as a response before talking again.

“We are going on a vacation, to Disney World.”

“To where?!” came an outburst from Emerald. She just wanted to make sure she had heard it right. Who could actually consider going to that whole annoying fake world with stupid stuffed mascots everywhere, annoying the hell out of everyone, as a vacation?

“To Disney World,” K repeated. “I thought this would be a great opportunity to just take our minds off of all the recent stuff.”

“That sounds pretty good, boss,” JC said and motioned towards the lab’s door. “I better go and let others know.” Before he could proceed, K took his arm and stopped him.

“Nope,” he said softly and placed a smile on his lips. “The Disney World vacation is only for the five of us. We can’t leave the headquarters all empty, so we’re taking vacations one group at a time.”

“Aww, that’s too bad,” Pearl spoke from her seat. Her genuine sadness could be easily recognized. “It would be nice to have Red and Jay and the others with us…”

“Yeah, it wouldn’t hurt to tag along Jay in that damned fake world…” Emerald grumbled. “What’s up with Disney World anyway? Couldn’t we go somewhere like Hawaii or Barbados or something? I wouldn’t even say no to the Alps.” She was truly pissed off that they didn’t have the chance to choose where to go, and she knew pretty well that when you had a boss like K, you didn’t have the luxury to object.

Utterly surprised and even more disappointed about the fact that his favorite agent wasn’t included in the trip – and totally forgoing the fact that his least favorite was present, as always – Nick looked at K like he’d just betrayed him.

“K, come on, can’t we replace this sorry-ass Shazam with Di?” Nick almost pleaded. He knew he sounded weak, but he couldn’t care less. Considering the fact that he had just enjoyed a few steamy moments with Diamond, he wasn’t thinking with his brain anyway.

“Shut up, Carter; I wouldn’t mind trading you with Di, either. I’d prefer her any time of the day to your whiny little sorry ass!” JC spat back.

“In your dreams, Chasez; in your fucking wet dreams.”

“Hey, enough, both of you,” K growled. He walked towards the door and out to the corridor, but his stern voice could still be heard clearly inside the lab. “The jet’s leaving in an hour. Start packing.”

Rolling his eyes, Nick followed his superior outside the lab. K was walking down the corridor on his right. Sighing and knowing he just couldn’t protest, Nick went in the opposite direction, only to come across Diamond, leaned against the wall seductively.

“Hey, big boy.” A small smiled played on her lips as Nick got closer to her. “So you’re on your way to Disney World for a vacation, huh?”

“Di, you know…” Nick trailed off, as now she was standing right in front of him, her face only inches away from his and her hands moving slowly but firmly on his chest and, well, down his chest… “I’d prefer staying with you here.” As Diamond’s hands moved down to his belt and pulled him towards her body, he let out a soft moan. “We can still finish what we started, you know; I still got an hour.” He wiggled his eyebrows, companying his half smile that he knew Diamond just couldn’t resist.

Diamond pulled firmly on his belt one more time. This time, her body was touching his fully. “Nah...” she said. “Go and pack up, big boy; there’s always another day.” Letting go of him, she placed a soft peck on his lips. “Just don’t get too intimate with Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella.”

She turned her back and started walking away from a totally disappointed Nick before saying, “Too bad for you, Carter – I was just in the mood!”

Torn between walking left or right, Nick looked at Diamond, who turned just in time to give him a wink, and then glanced the other way to see K’s disappearing silhouette.

Nick shook his head as he turned to his right. “Damnit, K!”


± ± ±


Just as he was about to turn the corner down the hallway, Lancybassy heard K’s orders.

“The jet’s leaving in an hour. Start packing.”

He stopped in his tracks and decided not to be seen, which, obviously, happened to be a great decision, since soon he heard Diamond’s voice, possibly talking to his boss. Lancy knew that Di didn’t call any other guy “big,” unless it was that dreamy, yummy boss of his.

A hand placed on his chest, Lancy sighed dreamily. He shook his head slowly; only he could be the witness of his boss’s greatness.

“So you’re on your way to Disney World for a vacation, huh?”

So his boss was on going on a vacation to Disney World then. Clapping his hands happily, Lancy took another second to hear Nick’s muffled voice. “Di, you know…”

Having proven for sure that it was 00Carter who was going to be leaving for sunny Florida, Lancy headed back to his office. If his boss was taking a little break, why couldn’t he? And he had to give props to K for choosing Disney World as the vacation spot. Half walking, half jogging, he tried to keep his giggles under control.

He only needed to find where he’d put his pink tutu. Then he was good to go.


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
The jets had finally come in, so this seemed like the perfect chance to use one for a mission. The seats resembled a business class lounge, providing everyone ample room to ignore the agents they had less of a fondness for.

K sat alone near the cockpit of the jet, fiddling with the employee ID cards the Himitsu Takana human resources department had created. K chuckled a little as he shuffled through the cards. Unlike most human resource departments, theirs was in charge of creating false identities for current agents, rather than insuring the hiring of new ones. It was a rather complex process, actually…

K stopped chuckling over the IDs when he reached the last one in the pile. He had already seen his fake Magic Kingdom ID, but the one in his hand now was slightly worn and blurred. He let out a soft sigh as he stared at the old ID with his youthful expression. Things were so much simpler back then…

Pearl peered over K’s shoulder. “Those are some pretty impressive ID cards.”

K gave her a small smile. “They’re just souvenirs.”

Pearl laughed a little. “Like getting a fake ID in college for spring break?”

“It's something like that.”

Pearl sat down beside him. “I’m impressed that the first thing you used the jet for was a vacation!” She shook her head. “That’s not like you.”

“Well, after the trouble we’ve all had lately, I still think a vacation is a good thing.”

“I still wish Red and Diamond could have come with us… and Jay…”

“I’m going to send them off on their own little vacation.”

Pearl laughed. “Emerald won’t like that Jay’s going to be with her.”

“With who?” Emerald leaned forward from the seat behind K’s. She had spread herself as far as possible from the other two agents and Pearl. K, however, she didn’t mind so much.

“Diamond and Red are going on a separate vacation with Jay.”

Emerald crossed her arms and shook her head. “I don’t know why you didn’t wait and send me with them. Or bring Diamond instead of me. I don’t even like Disney. It puts fairy tale nonsense in girls’ heads. That’s perfect for her.”

“It’s not nonsense!” Nick yelled.

Emerald rolled her eyes. “And then they meet Casanovas like Blondie and think they’ve found Prince Charming.”

Nick beamed. “Of course I’m Prince Charming.”

Emerald shook her head again. “I was being sarcastic.”

Nick stood and sat himself in the seat next to Emerald. “Be honest with yourself: wouldn’t you rather be with a guy like me than with a guy like JC?”

Emerald smirked. “Did you say JC because you knew if you mentioned Agent Littrell, you would lose?”

Nick rolled his eyes. “He’s not so great.”

“He’s a perfect gentleman.”

Nick slammed his hand on the padded armrest, which, understandably, did little damage. “He works for the government!” Nick took a breath. “Now, me or JC?”

JC strolled over. “I’m the obvious choice over you, Carter.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Oh please. You run away at the first sight of trouble.”

JC shook his head. “That’s because most of the trouble I come into contact with gets started by you.”

“Pearl! Who’s more like Prince Charming, JC or me?”

Pearl jumped at suddenly being brought back into the conversation. “Well…”

JC brushed Pearl off. “Be serious, Nick, a scientist wouldn’t know Prince Charming if he was right in front of her face.”

“Excuse me?” Pearl stood and gripped the padding of the top of the seat.

Nick snickered. “She’s going to pound you, JC…”

“She should pound you because you play everyone.”

“I can’t help it if women think I’m amazing!”

“The only person who thinks you’re amazing is you.” Emerald rolled her eyes again.

“Enough.” K shook his head.

The squabbling continued behind him.

K stood as well. “Enough!”

The three agents and the scientist turned to K.

“Don’t make me turn this plane around!” K shouted.

Nick shrugged. “Why would you do that? It’s a vacation.”

K shook his head as he sat down. “It is a vacation. So please take a vacation from your differences.”

JC, Nick, and Pearl reluctantly returned to their seats as the seat belt sign started flashing.

K put his hand to his head. If they acted like this with the promise of a vacation, just how would they react when they found out it was actually a mission? K let out a sigh and stared at his worn ID again. If only he could really go back there…

“It’s a world of laughter… a world of tears…!” Nick belted out.

K let his head fall further, “Nick…”

“It’s a world of hopes… it’s a world of fears…!”

“Nick…”

“There’s so much that we share, that it’s time we’re aware…!”

“Nick.”

“It’s a small world after all!!!!!!!”

“Nick! If you don’t stop talking right now, I will throw you out of this plane without a parachute!”

“But I’m not talking; I’m singing!”

“Without a parachute!”

Nick crossed his arms and sank into his seat. A small pout crossed his face. He then started singing quietly to himself. “It’s a small world after all…”


± ± ±


“It’s a small world after all…”

The distant singing pricked the ears of Dr. Rough, who instantly frowned.

“It’s a small world after all…”

The irritating sound only got louder as he stalked through the tunnel, flanked by two of his minions, growing nearer to its source.

“It’s a small world after all…”

Dr. Rough burst through a door marked Men’s Wardrobe just in time to witness one of his minions, Abs, belt at the top of his lungs, “It’s a smaaall, smaaall world!”

“SILENCE!” roared Dr. Rough, stopping every minion in the room in his tracks. The ferret on his shoulder gave a startled squeak and scrambled down his back, but the minions froze, pieces of brightly-colored costumes tumbling out of their arms as they looked fearfully at their master. Dr. Rough’s bulging eyes targeted Abs.

He could feel the vein in his forehead pulsing and took a deep breath, trying to regain control of himself. He couldn’t do anything that would attract too much attention to their operation. Changing his approach, he let his voice fall into a low, silky whisper and simpered, “Dr. Rough would like to know why… why you were singing that song.”

Abs swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in this throat. “Right, well… you see, I… I reckon I got caught up in the excitement; that’s all.”

Excitement… Dr. Rough could understand that; he’d been plotting this takeover for months, as a back-up for the Antarctic laser debacle, and so far, all was going according to plan. He was just awaiting confirmation from Drums that the job had been done…

“It’s just, being from London, I’ve never been to Disney World before,” Abs babbled on. If he’d known any better, he would have stopped while he was ahead; Dr. Rough’s mercy only reached so far, and the English minion was now stretching it to its limits. “It really is quite a magical place, even if we’re only seeing it from below…”

“If you think it’s magical now,” snarled Dr. Rough, rapidly losing patience again, “just wait until it is controlled by FANS. Then the world shall see its true ‘magical’ power!” An orgasmic shudder jolted through his body as he thought of the plan, and his eye began to twitch.

“Cheers, Dr. Rough!” Abs replied jovially, and on a whim, he struck up his song again. “It’s a small world after all… it’s a small world after all… it’s a- aghk!” He let out a strangled cry as Dr. Rough collared him and flattened him against a wall, his hand pressing against Abs’s windpipe.

Dr. Rough brought his face close to Abs, his enraged eyes boring unblinkingly into the minion’s panicked ones. He spoke in a deathly hiss that had long since lost its silkiness. “Never… never sing that song again!” Abs winced as the hot breath hit his face. “Small… I hate the word ‘small,’” Dr. Rough spat, and as he looked up into the fearful face of his minion, he realized how much taller the English chap was. His eye winked involuntarily again as he released Abs and turned away.

“The world Dr. Rough shall soon control is not a small one!” he proclaimed, speaking now to all in the room who watched him. “It is a vast kingdom without boundaries, without limits! I shall be its all-powerful ruler, and you…, those of you who serve me well, will be my subjects, rewarded, while those who defy me will suffer. Starting, of course, with the meddlesome agents of Himitsu Takana.”

While the minions absorbed this message, Dr. Rough’s thoughts turned to the revenge he sought against the agency who had defied him time and time again. They would not succeed in thwarting him this time. Even if they tried to interfere, he had the advantage of home soil, and nearly all his minions at his beck and call. Together, they would defeat HimTak.

“Hear, hear!” cried Abs in relief, massaging his tender throat.

Dr. Rough ignored him, looking around for his most loyal companion. He made a chirruping noise, and the ferret scampered out from behind a rack of clothing and nimbly streaked back up to his place on Dr. Rough’s shoulder. “There, there, Dr. Twitches,” he murmured, scratching the ferret’s head with one finger. “There’s nothing to fear. Drums should return any moment, and Phase 1 of our plan will be complete.”

“S-so what’s Phase 2, Dr. Rough?” asked Donnie, looking over. “We’ve got all those people tied up, but what happens next?”

“Wait until Drums returns; then you shall know… if you’re lucky. Why I should tell you anything, you who are prone to insane rants in public places, I am not sure.”

Donnie hung his head, his pale cheeks flushing. “I-I’m so sorry, master,” he stammered. “I-I still don’t know h-how to… to explain that. I… I wasn’t myself. But I’m b-back in my… my right mind now, and I-I promise to serve you m-most faithfully…”

“The information you attained in Los Angeles will be useful for my next great machine,” Dr. Rough conceded. “That’s the only reason I’ve allowed you to come on this mission. You understand, I’m sure.”

“O-of course, master.” Donnie nodded frantically. “I-I won’t let you down! I-”

A pair of footsteps approaching in the tunnel stopped the minion with a squeak, and all heads turned toward the closed door. Dr. Rough’s fingers tightened around the gun tucked inside his jacket, his eyes narrowing. The door burst open, and his fingers relaxed their grip as he watched a big, blue figure bounce into the room.

The bulging blue gloves instantly went to the massive, caricatured head of the Genie and pulled it off. The grinning blue face was tossed aside, and there stood Drums, his own head appearing shrunken above the padded Genie costume, especially with the large goggles he wore. He pushed these up and back off his face and took a moment to look around at the room of minions, all staring at him, and Dr. Rough among them. Then he flashed a wide, gloating grin. “We’re in, y’all,” he said.

Dr. Rough’s eyes grew large with excitement. “The bomb has been planted?”

“Right where ya wanted it, boss. These night-vision goggles came in handy, yo,” Drums added, gesturing to the goggles now perched on top of his head. “Ain’t nobody gonna find that sucka in the dark.”

A pleased smile made its way across the evil genius’s face. “Excellent. Then Phase 1 is complete. We’ve taken our hostages, the bomb is in place, and so we proceed to Phase 2. This, my minions, is where I will need you the most. Are you listening?”

He looked around, and every eye in the room was fixed on him. They were paying attention.

“Now that we’ve infiltrated the park, we have to take care to make sure no one suspects anything out of the ordinary. We must not be discovered until the time is right…”

“But Dr. Rough,” spoke up Shane, another of those obnoxious European minions. “Forgive me, but haven’t we already raised suspicion? The hail… and the snow. I’m just an Irishman, but even me mates and I know it doesn’t snow in Orlando, Florida.”

Dr. Rough grimaced, annoyed at the pesky minion for bringing this up again. “I admit, mistakes have been made,” he replied through gritted teeth. “But the machine had to be tested. At least we know it works, although not yet to the best of its ability. But once Walt Disney World is destroyed, we will have control of all its power resources, and then, at last, my weather machine will be fully operational. Soon, my minions, we will control the forces of nature. We will unleash its fury and wreak havoc upon all of North America, and then… the world!”

Lightning struck, and a great boom of thunder drowned out the maniacal laughter of Dr. Rough and his agents. Dr. Rough’s cackling cut off abruptly. “Curse that blasted machine,” he growled. “Fatone, I thought I told you to turn it off!”

The minion he was addressing, Joey, gulped. “I thought I did, Dr. Rough.”

“Apparently you did not, as it’s now thunderstorming!” raged Dr. Rough. “Put your Mickey costume back on and check it again!”

Joey nodded. “I’m on it, Doc.” He stepped back into his Mickey Mouse jumpsuit, pulled the large mouse head over his own, and hurried out of the wardrobe room, making his way through the network of tunnels to the staircase that would lead him up to the Magic Kingdom, where he’d hidden Dr. Rough’s prized machine in the chimney of Mickey’s Country House.

Once he was gone, Dr. Rough turned to the rest of his minions. “As I was saying… we must not be discovered. So, we will take the places of the hostages you have captured and patrol the park undercover in their costumes. No one will suspect a thing, so long as you stay in character and play your part. Is that understood?”

The minions nodded. Then Abs asked, “Might we choose our own costumes? I’d rather like to be that bloke from-”

“You are testing Dr. Rough’s patience again, Abs,” Dr. Rough growled. “Let us see who you have taken hostage, and then we shall decide who wears what costume. Follow me.”

He led the minions out of the wardrobe room and into a tiny hair salon called Kingdom Kutters. Every chair held a frightened Disney employee, who had been bound, gagged, and strapped in. Only their eyes were allowed to move, and they darted around, wide and fearful, as their captors swarmed in.

“We laid out their costumes over here, Dr. Rough,” said Shane, leading his master over to a spare bit of floor in front of a counter full of hair products. The various character costumes had been spread out across the floor, while the corresponding masks and headpieces sat on the countertop. “If you don’t mind a suggestion, Kian and I thought perhaps you should be Doc.”

Dr. Rough looked at the gargantuan head, with its silly round nose, white beard, and spectacles, and roared with rage. He threw out his arm, flinging the mask off the counter, and grabbed Shane’s throat. “A dwarf?!” he snarled. “You dare suggest I resemble a dwarf?!”

His eyes were murderous, and Shane began to tremble. “N-no, Dr. Rough, not at all!” he sputtered hoarsely. “I merely thought, because you are so intelligent… our leader… and you call yourself d-doctor!”

Dr. Rough threw him down to the floor and pulled his gun. “I am a doctor,” he hissed, “and I’m pronouncing your time of death… now!” Before anyone could react, he fired three bullets into Shane’s chest. The Irishman twitched and shook as he drew in his last, labored breaths. Within a few moments, his body had gone limp and lifeless.

Dr. Rough kicked him aside. “Anyone else think I should dress as a dwarf?” he threatened, brandishing his gun.

The other minions shook their heads quickly, backing away.

“Good. Then I shall be…” He looked around, his eyes gleaming as they settled upon the perfect costume. “Jafar.”

“G-good choice, master! V-very appropriate!” Donnie exclaimed, quivering.

“Naturally,” said Dr. Rough. He turned to Drums. “And you, Drums, you shall stay as the Genie?”

“You know it, Doc,” said Drums, rubbing the golden cuffs around his blue wrists. “Blang blang, baby!”

Dr. Rough nodded. “The rest of you, choose a costume and put it on quickly. We must get back up to the park before anyone grows suspicious at the lack of characters around. I’m afraid the sound of my bullets won’t have helped.” He sighed, stroking Dr. Twitches again. “Sometimes, anger gets the best of us, doesn’t it, Dr. Twitches?”

The ferret chattered in response.

“Daddy’s going to dress you like a parrot; won’t that be nice?” he cooed, pulling a knife from his pocket. He began to hack away at the stuffed parrot hooked to the Jafar costume, hollowing it out so that he could cloak his ferret in it.

“Dr. Rough, if you don’t want to be a dwarf, I will,” said Kian happily, picking up the Doc head, eager to compensate for his friend’s mistake. He put the large head on over his own and marched around, testing out his new costume. All around him, the others were putting on their own gear. “This’ll be a real gas!” Kian exclaimed. “Ready, lads? Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to work we go…

The minion’s cheerful whistling was cut off by a loud bang, and as “Doc” toppled over, right onto his bulbous nose, the others turned in shock to see Dr. Rough, now dressed as Jafar, blow calmly on the smoking barrel of his gun.

Blood poured from the small hole in the Kian’s back, as Dr. Rough stowed the gun in the folds of his long, black robes, looked around at the remaining minions, and smiled beneath his tall, bejeweled turban. Picking up his golden walking staff, he said, “Well… you heard the man, didn’t you? Off to work we go.”

The cobra head ornamenting his staff bobbed before him as he strode to the door, Dr. Twitches on his shoulder, and a ragtag parade of Disney favorites traipsing along behind him.


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
As soon as the jet landed at the private airport near Walt Disney World, Agent K let out a sigh. He could hear the cheerful voices of his fellow agents in the background, seemingly getting along better than they had a couple of hours ago. He’d been on the phone for the past half an hour, talking to Brian, who had already arrived in town to join his cousin for the recon, which, K was afraid, was turning more and more into a mission.

“Have you been watching the news?” Brian’s voice had sounded utterly depressed. “They’re saying some of the characters have been acting strangely. They don’t really entertain children… it’s more like they’re trying to get rid of them. Snow’s been another problem: it’s just not melting. This stuff’s serious, K.”

All K could do was nod and flip through the channels to see the news coming from Disney during the talk. He played the conversation over and over in his head, but couldn’t come up with a solution. Not that he couldn’t guess who was behind this strangeness, but the purpose of choosing a place like Disney World was a total mystery to him. He shook his head as the jet came to a halt, and the agents all got up from their seats to get out. He played with the fake ID cards in his hands before standing and shoving them into his back pocket. For a long time now, K had been hesitant about how to lead this one.

Like it wasn’t enough, he had to suppress his memories about the place and deal with four mighty agents, who still had no idea what they were up against. Seeing that the agents were already getting out of the jet, he followed them, planning to inform them once they were inside the vehicle that would take them to the Magic Kingdom.

Nick was the first to get out of the jet, due to his stress of flying; still, he managed to keep his cool and put on his aviator sunglasses, very agent-style. As his eyes adjusted to the bright sun outside, he saw a big, black Hummer limousine waiting for them.

“Sweet.” He grinned. He truly loved his superior’s taste sometimes.

“Sweet and definitely a hottie,” Emerald replied behind his back. Nick followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at a male form that was leaning against the Hummer, looking all sleek and – he had to admit – good in his black suit and… well, the aviators.

Pushing him aside, Emerald went down the stairs with a huge smile on her face. Confused about the realization that Emerald had the ability to smile genuinely, Nick felt a familiar suspicion creeping up from deep inside.

It was Pearl who formed his suspicions into words.

“What the hell is he doing here?” Pearl was now standing behind him and watching Agent Littrell and Emerald make small talk.

Shrugging his shoulders with a complete nonchalance, he went down the stairs, followed closely by Pearl.

“I smell something else in this vacation, Carter,” Pearl blurted. Her eyes narrowed. “K is up to something.”

“You think?”

“What, you thought the CIA would be here for some quality family time?”

Ah, he just adored Pearl.

“I was hoping to see a sexy escort welcoming me, Littrell,” Nick said, as soon as they joined the pair. “You’re not really what I had in mind.”

Agent Littrell opened his mouth, but before he could blurt anything back, he saw his cousin coming towards them. Ignoring Nick, Agent Littrell shook hands with K. The other four agents all looked skeptically at them when they didn’t even exchange any words.

“What’s going on, K?” Pearl was the first to speak up soon as they were inside the limo. “This is more than just a vacation, isn’t it?”

K looked at each one of his agents’ faces, now all showing the same expression, waiting for an explanation. He slowly took the file holder Brian handed to him and took out five pictures.

“As Pearl indicated, we’re not really here for a vacation.” K stopped and glared at Nick, who let out a soft curse. “You may have heard about the strange stuff happening over at Disney World by now. And if you haven’t,” he felt the need to add, as he saw the lost expression on the agents’ faces but Pearl’s. He nodded for Brian to continue talking.

“For the past couple of days, the weather at Disney World has gone crazy. It’s been snowing constantly, and the weirdest thing is, it’s not even melting. Not only that, but the characters are acting weird as well.” Brian sighed and looked at K’s face intently. “I just learned from a source that Mickey Mouse was seen flipping the finger to the kids.”

Nick spurted out the soda he’d been drinking at Agent Littrell’s last words, while Pearl and JC yelled a loud “What???” at the same time.

Emerald chuckled softly. “That’s the Disney spirit for ya.”

“We believe there’s a certain group of people behind this,” K continued, trying to keep their attention focused on his words. “They call themselves FANS, and this man…” He handed out the pictures he was holding, of a dark-haired man with a ferret on his shoulder, to his agents. “… We have strong evidence that this man is the leader of the organization. Also, we think he was the one behind the Antarctica mission and also Global Idol.”

“Does he have a problem with his eye?” Nick blurted, studying the picture carefully, where the leader’s left eye was slightly closed.

JC rolled his eyes at Nick’s lack of attention. “So, boss, what are we supposed to do now? Look for this man at Disney World?”

“I’m not sure if we can find him straight away. And there’s a high possibility that he could notice us easily.” He took out the fake Disney ID cards from his pocket. “That’s why we’re going inside undercover. I arranged fake IDs for all of us, and a staff room is waiting for us with the necessary equipment.”

“Necessary equipment – meaning undercover costumes?” Emerald asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, indeed.”

“Niiiiice.” Nick wiggled his eyebrows. “I won’t say no to having some Playboy Bunnies around.”

Pearl hit him upside the head. “There are no Playboy Bunnies in Disney World, you moron.”

Emerald rolled her eyes. “Idiot.”

“Here we are,” K spoke, only to stop them from starting to bicker with each other again. He was going to reconsider joining the missions from now on; these guys were making him age faster than he was supposed to.

The Hummer limo made its way through access roads made for the Disney employees and stopped in front of a gate. The agents all got out and followed K, who showed the fake ID to a monitor. Within seconds, the door opened with a beep, and they went inside the labyrinth of tunnels built beneath the amusement park.

“We gotta be quick before someone notices us,” K said. To their luck, the tunnels were pretty crowded, with Disney staff members running back and forth in too much of a hurry to pay them any attention.

“That Sleeping Beauty looks hot.” Nick’s comment was heard and earned him another smack upside the head, courtesy of Pearl.

K shot an angry glare, the same one he had already shot a thousand times since this morning. “This way,” he said, through gritted teeth, and motioned to his left. He was satisfied when the agents followed him in obedience.

Knowing all the tunnels like the back of his hand, it took K only a couple of minutes to find the wardrobe room with the costumes.

“Here we are-“

“Hands off, I’m first to pick an outfit!” Nick rushed inside, almost pushing K into the doorframe, and started rummaging through a pile of costumes.

“Disney doesn’t have a character named Moron, Nick,” Emerald sniped. “That’d be a perfect fit for you, though.”

JC chuckled. “Good one, Emerald.”

“Ha-ha. Funny, Emerald, very funny.” Nick looked up and threw her a black pelerine and a green mask, which resembled Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty. “Why don’t you try this on? Maybe the kids won’t be scared by how you look in real life?”

The reply he received was a middle finger from Emerald, joined by K’s now infamous angry glare of the day.

Sighing, with a shake of his head, K pushed Nick aside and waded through the clothes.

“I had already sorted out under which covers we could sneak into the park on my way here, but with what we have in our hands here…” K stopped and browsed the clothes, while the other agents all looked at each other skeptically.

“Since I used to work here-”

“You did WHAT??” All agents cut his words at the same time, with surprised looks on their faces. Each was thinking the same thing: they couldn’t imagine their superior working at Disney World.

“I used to work here.”

JC turned to the other agents. “I’m not hearing things, right?”

Nick’s mouth was hanging wide open, and his eyes were about to pop out with shock. “You worked for Disney? When? Why? When? WHY?”

“Long time ago,” K said briefly. He wasn’t totally sure if he wanted to share the details of his pre-agent life. “And as my own agents, I would’ve expected you to question how I knew so much about the Disney World and how I could get us all in here without any trouble at all.” His voice was reprimanding.

Emerald shrugged. “You always know everything.”

“Good attempt of trying to change the subject, K,” Pearl spoke; her arms were folded across her chest. Being one of the few people at the agency who knew more about the other agents than she was supposed to, she was slightly pissed that she hadn’t known about K’s previous life. But then again, he was the top agent and her superior, and when he didn’t want her to know something, he had enough power and tools in his hands to make sure the files stayed in the dark.

K let out a deep sigh and turned around to face the agents.

“Well, I used to work here; it was at least fifteen years ago when I was still a teen, and it was before my agent years, when I needed to save money in order to get the education I wanted. Satisfied?” His eyes searched every agent, one by one, and when nothing was heard except a couple of mumbles of “Okay, fine,” he continued.

“Since it was my main character at the time I was working here…” K went further down in the closet line and picked up a dress holder. “… I’ll go as Aladdin.”

“As who?” Nick burst into laughter, pointing out the outfit. “Those white pants will look so cool, I’m sure-”

“You better shut up,” Pearl muttered, noticing K’s strange and overall grumpy mood. He seemed too distant from all of them; for her, it was too obvious that his mind was elsewhere.

“And the purple vest, showing off your muscles, K-”

Ignoring him completely, K went back to sort through the costumes.

“Gonna wear the hat as well?” Nick chuckled. “Aladdin wears a hat, doesn’t he?”

“It’s not a hat, doofus; it’s called a fez,” JC said.

“Whatever. You did dance like him too, right K? Tell me you did!”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t he know when to shut up?” he asked Emerald. It was so easy to see that it was a plain torture for him to be anywhere near Nick.

“Wish he had an off button,” Emerald grumbled.

“I’ll be someone charismatic,” Nick spoke again, totally oblivious to the fact that he was becoming quite annoying. “I wanna be, like, one of the cool ones.” He frowned. “Name me a cool character at Disney!”

Pearl rolled her eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Goofy.”

“Goofy’s not cool; he’s cute. I want cool.”

K appeared again through the clothing racks, where he was holding a pile of costumes in his arms. He shoved a whole costume at Nick.

“What am I going as?” Nick checked the light brown costume with a confused look. Seconds later, his eyes grew big. “This has a tail!”

“Because you’re going as Abu, Aladdin’s monkey,” K spoke calmly. The look on his young agent’s face was priceless. “You asked for it.”

“I’ll look stupid.”

“Go to the back of the room and change, Nick.” K sent him a stern look. “Not gonna repeat it again.”

“Ha, Carter, that tail’s gonna look so cute on ya!” JC yelled behind Nick, who was solemnly making his way to the dressing room.

K shoved another pair of clothes against JC’s chest. “You’re going undercover as Prince Charming.”

“Haha, Shazam, who will look stupid now?” Nick’s muffled voice could be heard from the depths of the room.

“Pearl…” K handed out another outfit. “Cinderella.”

“You got to be kidding me.”

Ignorance being his ally, K continued towards Emerald and Brian. “Your costumes were pretty huge to handle so I left them at the back.” His eyes darted from Brian to Emerald. “You’re going as Daisy Duck.”

“Why the fuck do I gotta dress up as Daisy Duck?” Emerald rebelled. “Hell, I’d prefer covering up as Maleficent one hundred times to Daisy Fucking Duck.”

“And you’re gonna be Donald Duck.”

“Oh boy! My name’s Donald Duck!” Brian spoke with his best impersonation of the famous Disney character. If nothing else, he could make Emerald laugh.

Letting out a sheepish giggle, Emerald massaged her forehead and went off to change. “You owe me double, K,” she muttered as she walked on. “This is the second time I’m being a clown for a mission.”

“I feel ya, cuz.” Brian nodded in agreement as K sent yet another angry look towards Emerald. “Never really knew it’d be such a tough job to handle agents. Well, of course, they lack the proper training and discipline of CI-“

“Don’t even start on that,” K said with a scoff. “We got only a couple of minutes left. Hurry up.”

Exactly three minutes later, the HimTak agents, with the company of the one CIA, rejoined in the center of the room, all talking in unison and none looking at all like an agent.

“This fucking head is making me sweat!” Emerald’s grumpy voice was heard behind the Daisy Duck head, conflicting with the happy face plastered onto the mask.

“This is so tight, I’m stuck in it! My ass is itching!” Nick’s whiny voice appeased hers. “And I got a huge tail! I look ridiculous! HEY! Watch out, Shazam!”

JC, who had just stepped on Nick’s tail, fidgeted in his red and cream suit, which turned him into Prince Charming. “Shut up, monkey. I can barely breathe in this fucking thing; how the hell am I gonna fight with anyone?”

Pearl let out an exasperated yell, as she tried to adjust the blue satin dress. “Stupid dress! I can’t fight or track anything in this dress and these damn heels!” She waved the pair of white gloves in her hand. “And how the hell am I supposed to work on the machines when I wear these??”

Despite the chaos filling the room, K appeared from the back, calm and collected, fixing the fez on his head. His presence seemed to calm the others as well, because soon all the yelling and whining had come to a halt.

"Pearl and JC, your job is to track down whatever is causing the weather. Try not to attract any attention, and keep your eyes open for any weird machines." K turned his attention to the other two as Pearl and JC both nodded silently.

“Emerald and Brian, you go together and wander around the park. Keep your eyes open for anything remotely weird, especially other Disney characters. The men we’re looking for could be in disguises as well. Keep in touch with the others at all times, and do not forget to act normal around visitors.”

“Whatever, K,” said Daisy Duck.

“What about me?” Nick’s whiny voice was heard behind K’s back.

“You’re Abu, smartie. You’re coming with me,” K spoke. “Let’s get down to business, everyone.” With that, he opened the door and walked out into the corridor.

“Said the man in a purple vest,” Nick grumbled and followed K’s lead, as the other agents went their separate ways.


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
K looked around idly. A lot had changed, but then again, everything was the same, if that made sense. The happiest place on earth was still… well… the happiest place on earth. K had always heard you could never go back, but here he was, and it was a lot harder than he’d thought it’d be. He thought he’d be prepared for this moment, thought he’d stolen all of the moments he could to mentally go through everything that he needed to, so he could be here and be indifferent.

He felt like a rookie.

Not to mention that he had one walking next to him, bouncing around like a kid in a candy store.

“Nick, do you think it’s possible for you to calm down? Even a little.”

“I am calm; this is me being calm.” Nick grinned, his eyes widening suddenly. “Oooh look, mouse ears! Let’s get a pair, K!”

“No.”

“Don’t be such a sissy. EVERYONE gets mouse ears when they’re here; it’s an American tradition.”

K raised an eyebrow. “Not everyone gets a pair, and I’ve most certainly had my fill of wearing mouse ears to last a lifetime, thanks.”

Nick stared at him. “You won’t be able to hold out for long, ya know. You won‘t be able to resist the pull, the… need. You’ll succumb to the greatness known as ‘The Ears!’”

“Hmph, not on your life, pal,” K grunted.

K scanned the crowds of people, not really sure what he was looking for until he saw it, forcing him to come to a complete stop for a moment before quickly darting forward again.

A quick splash of neon blue, that stupid yipping monkey sound, and then suddenly he was back, back to where everything had started for him. It was as if he’d never left, a slow smile spreading across his lips

If he closed his eyes, he could feel himself, perched up on that float, waving at the smiling kids, the young woman at his side holding his hand, only it wasn’t the character she portrayed that he imagined sitting next to him. It was her; it was always her. There had been a time when K would look over at the woman and pretend he saw the character, but that had changed once he met her.

Kristin. The love of his life, as it would turn out. Sometimes he would see her in the crowd when he was in costume, and they’d share their secret smile, and it was great. He would’ve been her Aladdin any day.

Sighing, he turned to find Nick staring at him.

“What?”

“What’s with that goofy look?”

“Nothing,” K muttered.

Nick looked over and then back at K, grinning again. “It’s Jasmine, isn’t it? She’s hot, isn’t she? Ya know what I think?”

K groaned. He didn’t want to hear this; he knew he didn’t.

“What?”

“She needs more Carter in her life… more Nick Carter, if you know what I mean.” Nick winked.

“Oh lord, Nick, will you shut up, please?! Keep your eyes peeled; we’re supposed to be looking for anything out of the ordinary.”

Nick smirked, looking around, whistling softly.

Why was he here? He should’ve just stayed home, stayed away from all of this and all of the memories it invoked. He was a glutton for punishment. He couldn’t help but let his thoughts drift back to his time here prior.

It’d been fun… at first. After awhile, it was the same ol’, same ol’. New kids, same hot, uncomfortable costume, and the make-up. He was surprised his skin was still okay; the layers upon layers of that heavy make up and that music. If he had to hear “A Whole New World” one more time, he was sure someone was going to pay.

K frowned. As a matter of fact, he was sure he heard it now. It was soft at first, so soft that he thought it was part of the memory, but now he wasn’t so sure. He looked around; he heard music, but it wasn’t that. He knew he heard it, though; he…

K slowly turned his head to look at Nick, who was humming “A Whole New World” incessantly and emotionally… well, as much as you could while humming.

It was the final straw.

Reaching out, he smacked the young man hard upside the back of his head.

“Ouch!! Shit, what was that for?” Nick yelled, rubbing at the back of his head.

K shrugged, grinning suddenly. “I don‘t need a whole new world; I like this one.”

Nick watched as K strode off; he seemed preoccupied. K was one to always be off in his own world most of the time, but since they’d landed, it felt like he was miles away, distracted, which was rare for K. He was usually so on, so focused. The minute he’d stepped off of the plane, however, he’d lost that focus.

Shaking his head in confusion, Nick hurried to catch up.


± ± ±


Pearl tried to adjust her dress for what seemed like the hundredth time since she and Shazam had left the others to track the machine. The dress squeezed her body in all the wrong spots, forcing her to notice bulges in her body she knew did not exist before putting on the blue satin dress.

“I don’t think the weather machine is going to be found in that dress of yours, no matter how many bulges you find.” JC snickered as he passed the partner he was assigned to find the machine that was changing the weather at the “happiest place on Earth.”

Pearl rolled her eyes; she swore to herself that she was going to smack the pompous ass upside his head the next comment he made that didn’t pertain to actually being helpful in their search. “Well, I don’t see you looking very hard for this machine; it certainly is not in that mirror.” It was Pearl’s turn to snicker as she watched JC fluff the fringe on the shoulders of his costume.

A noise in the hallway caught Pearl’s attention away from JC before she could see him make a mocking face at the blonde. “Let’s move; I don’t want to get caught in this ridiculous outfit. I still don’t see why we couldn’t have dressed in uniforms…” Before she could finish her statement, she saw a rush of employees walking towards the duo. “Quick, we need to get moving; we have to look like we belong.” She grabbed JC’s arm and looped hers through his, plastering a wide grin on her face in an attempt to look as if she was actually happy to be dressed in her skintight satin garb. I had more room to breathe in that damned Playboy Bunny outfit, she thought to herself as she and JC maneuvered around a large group of food court employees.

“Shazam, where are you going?” Pearl shouted out at the ‘charming’ man as she rushed down the long, red corridor after him.

“We aren’t going to find the thing standing around and thinking about how awful you look in your outfit.” Besides, I want to be the one to save the day on this mission and prove for once and for all I am better than Carter, he thought to himself. The clicking heels of Pearl following him loomed in the background as he vainly attempted to figure out how he was going to find the weather machine and disable it.

“Shazam?” Pearl called out from behind with no response. “JC!” she called louder. “STOP!” she yelled at the irritating man.

“What?” he called back in response. “Glass slippers giving you blisters?” he asked, irritated.

“I think I found a room that may help us.” Pearl pointed to a doorway off to the side, labeled “Digital Animation Control Systems.” JC approached the door and looked around before he turned the handle. “Damn,” he cursed when the door did not budge. “Looks like I’m going to have to break it down.” He quickly moved towards the opposite wall and positioned himself to ram the door.

Pearl rolled her eyes and, spying the card swipe next to the door, pulled out the ID badge K had given her earlier and ran it down the reader. The light turned green, and the door clicked. “Shazam, I think we can…” Before she could finish her statement, a loud yell caught her attention, and nothing could be done before 006 slammed himself into the door, which gave away easily, causing him to fall flat on his face inside a room with computers standing in lines throughout the whole of it.

“Jackpot,” Pearl stated, ignoring her impulse to step on JC. Instead, she stepped over him to take a closer look at the computers inside the room. “There has to be something here to help us locate this weather machine.”

Pearl started maneuvering her way through the aisles of computers. Thankfully, the room monitor appeared to be on his break, and there was no one there to ask questions. There were computers monitoring the different areas of the park, but it would take Pearl at least an hour to make any sense out of what all the blinking lights really meant, and she had a feeling the technician who monitored that room was not going to be gone long enough for her to learn what she needed.

Noises coming from the other side of the room caught Pearl’s attention away from the computer she was currently looking at. She managed to move her dress around the aisle to find out what was going on. “Shazam!” she shouted as she caught her partner playing with one of the older machines, making beat box noises and pretending to be a DJ. “Who knows what you are doing up there.” Quickly, she pulled the man away from the computer and opened her mouth to reprimand the agent. Before she could get a word out, voices outside the door attracted her attention.

“Damn.” She pulled her prince across the room, and they ducked behind a bank of computers, attempting to hide themselves.

“No, Lou, I can’t take another fifteen minutes for a cigarette break; that new machine for Fantasyland has to be calibrated by the end of the day, or Steve is going to have my head.” The voice was now inside the room, and the agents were beginning to sweat. They looked at each other as the door, the only door in and out of the room, shut. The man started to whistle as he moved further into the room and positioned himself at the chair behind the keyboard JC had just been standing at.

“Nothing’s messed up; it hasn’t even been calibrated yet,” JC bragged in a whisper, now that Pearl’s earlier comment was called invalid.

“What the hell!” the man at the desk called out as he began to look around the room. “This is not how this board was left. Crap, Steve is gonna go ballistic if he finds out that the Country Bears program has new moves.”

Pearl looked at JC and rolled her eyes, re-validated in her comment about him screwing with the park mechanics. “Move towards the door,” she mouthed to JC. They started to sneak along, Pearl finally falling to her hands and knees so that her heels would not clack against the hard floor.

They managed to reach the door unseen, unheard, but now they had to think about how to get out of the room.

“I got an idea,” JC whispered.

Quickly, he moved to the door and flung it open. “Hey, what are you doing in here?” The technician looked up and saw JC standing in the doorway.

“I am new here. I really need to use the john; some guy in a monkey suit told me it was down this hall and to my right.”

“To your right about three more doors down.” The man rolled his eyes. “Newbie,” he grumbled and turned away from JC.

JC motioned for Pearl to move through the door quickly, but Pearl’s attention was hooked on something else. The light board for Tomorrowland looked different then the others. Most of the boards had a similar amount of blinking lights, showing the amount of electricity the areas were using, but Tomorrowland appeared to have more lights blinking than the others.

“What are you still doing in here? You certainly can’t whiz here,” the man grouched at JC, who was still standing in the doorway waiting for Pearl.

“Sorry,” JC responded. “It just looks interesting to work in here, is all.”

The man started to grumble about how hard his job really was and that no moron off the street dressed as Prince Charming could just waltz in and perform his duties, no matter what his boss Steve told him. While ranting, the guy stood up and started moving towards a back bank of computers, leaving the doorway completely open for JC and Pearl to make their escape.

“Now, Pearl!” JC grabbed hold of Pearl’s large satin hoop skirt and pulled her through the door. “Mind telling me what that was?” he snapped at her when they were safely back in the hallway.

“There looks like something could be up in Tomorrowland; let’s head that way.” She looked at the wall; they were still in the red corridor, indicating they were near Fantasyland. “It looks like we need to keep moving until we find the blue corridor.”

The two started to move again, Pearl’s heels clacking against the floor, causing a headache. “Look. Blue.” She smirked and started to move faster.

“Hey!” a voice called from behind.

“Now what?” Pearl remarked. “Do you think the bathroom scheme would work again?” she asked JC.

“You two are late,” the old man huffed as he reached Prince Charming and Cinderella. “The parade started ten minutes ago; you are lucky the Cinderella float isn’t at the beginning of the route.” The man grabbed both JC’s and Pearl’s arms and started to pull them back the way they had come. “If you want to keep working here, you best pay attention to your time table and don’t go wandering into worlds you don’t belong. Cinderella and Prince Charming should NEVER go into Tomorrowland.”

Pearl grimaced, tripping on her dress as she was pulled along. They did not have time for this, but the old man’s grip was deathly, and she knew that K would kill her if she blew their cover and they weren’t able to disable the weather machine. Quickly, her mind started formulating a plan to get off the float and make their way to Tomorrowland.

“Now get on your float.” The old man pushed the two dazed agents onto a float shaped like the pumpkin carriage. Pearl looked terrified as the float started to move out onto the street, where eager children were waiting for a glimpse of Cinderella.

“For God’s sake, smile,” JC muttered as he plastered a stupid grin to his face and started to wave. Pearl gulped and smiled as she was pulled through the streets.


± ± ±


Emerald could feel the tail of her giant, padded duck butt wagging from side to side as she walked – waddled, really –
silently cursing K with every step. How was she supposed to scope out undercover FANS agents when all her concentration was going towards simply not tripping over the enormous orange feet covering her own? They were like clown shoes! If she wasn’t careful, she was going to fall flat on her stupid, duck-billed face.

“And I thought dressing like a Playboy Bunny was bad,” she huffed to The Rok, who made a far better cartoon duck than she did.

“First you’re a bunny; now you’re a duck – you’d think it was Easter,” he joked. “What’s next, a chicken?” The CIA guy almost seemed to be enjoying himself. Emerald just felt ridiculous.

“No offense, but I’ll kill your cousin before I put on a fucking chicken costume for him. At least I looked sexy as a Bunny… now I just look like fucking klutz,” she complained, as her feet scuffed against the pavement, which was still strewn with drifts of snow, despite the Florida heat.

“Shh…” Brian lowered his soft, Southern drawl to a whisper, and Donald leaned close to Daisy. “Watch the F-bombs, alright? Daisy Duck doesn’t swear, ya know.”

In spite of her suffering, Emerald managed to laugh. “I dunno, Rok; I’d say a cursing Daisy Duck fits in pretty well with a Mickey Mouse who flips the bird. It’s the dark side of Disney.”

“Still… let’s not traumatize any more kids than Mickey already has.” The agent’s voice was light, but serious. Grudgingly, Emerald resolved herself to keeping her language in check.

It was a good thing, for as they waddled further from the concealed entrance to the sanctuary of the utilidors below and started their first lap around Mickey’s Toontown Fair, they were quickly ambushed by a group of small children, whose parents hung back, a few feet away, with cameras ready. “Donald Duck!!” the kids cried in excitement. “Daisy!!”

Beneath the stifling Daisy Duck mask, Emerald groaned, but her partner sprung into character. “Hello there!” he chirped in his Donald Duck voice, which he had clearly honed. “My name is Donald Duck! What’re your names?”

The children all recited their names, shouting over each other so that it was impossible to decipher most of them. Even so, Brian quacked to his companion, “Oh boy! Did you hear that? What beautiful names!”

The kids were quickly all over him, hugging him from every angle. They flocked to Emerald as well, who settled for waving and patting heads with her plush, white-gloved hands. She had no idea what Daisy Duck’s voice even sounded like, let alone any confidence that she could mimic it.

Luckily, The Rok’s imitation was good enough for the both of them. He hammed it up while the parents snapped pictures, twisting his padded gloves into thumbs up as he put his arms around various children, and wagging his duck tail for the cameras. The kids shrieked with laughter, and the parents were chuckling too. Even Emerald had to smile underneath the head of her costume. Admittedly, she’d found the CIA agent charming before, but now, he was just downright adorable. And “adorable” was not usually a part of Emerald’s vocabulary.

The smile lasted until Donald grabbed Daisy’s hand and forced her into a clumsy do-si-do, then spun her under his arm. Dizzy and wobbling, Emerald wanted to kill him, but the children clapped and whooped, enjoying the antics. Donald bowed. To her great surprise, “Daisy” found herself pulling a curtsy. The kids’ parents herded them away to the next attraction, and for a moment, the two large ducks were alone again.

“So, is that what you CIA guys do with your time – practice your cartoon impressions?” Emerald leaned close to him to mutter.

“What?!” Brian quacked in Donald’s voice, feigning shock. “I’m hurt you think I need to practice. Don’t you know? I’m a duck of many talents.”

“Well, I hope targeting enemies is another one,” Emerald shot back, “’cause don’t forget, that’s really what we’re supposed to be doing here. This isn’t play time. We have to be on the lookout for any suspicious characters. See any?” She looked around, noticing the various rides and cartoonish buildings that surrounded her.

Brian leaned back in. “I see Mickey.”

“Where?” Emerald asked hastily. She remembered what K had said about the Disney icon’s strange behavior.

Brian pointed. “There.”

Her eyes followed his gesture; her heartbeat quickened with the rush of adrenaline a mission always brought about. “Great. Let’s follow him.”


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
Nick and K made their way around the vast park. It was huge; Nick didn’t remember it being so big before. Although they were supposed to be focused on this mission, he couldn’t help but be excited to be there. K, he noticed, was still quiet and pensive, which was really bothering him because here he was, walking around in an Abu costume, and his “Aladdin” was barely paying attention to him.

“K, you alright, man? You’re not acting very Aladdin-like, ya know. Your partner in crime would like a little attention.”

K rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, Nick – I mean, Abu.” He smirked.

Nick cleared his throat. “You don’t act fine.”

“Hey, you shouldn’t be talking – Abu doesn’t talk; he squeaks. I’m not answering unless you squeak from now on.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“Yoo-hoo!!! Nicky!!!”

“Oh god,” Nick groaned, just as his secretary, Mr. Lancybassy, made his way up beside him. “What are you doing here??”

“I thought I saw you! Then again, I don’t know how I could miss you in such a tight…tight costume. Ya know, Nick, that costume is very becoming on you.” Lancy winked.

Nick turned to look at him. “You think so?”

“Oh definitely! I could just eat you up!”

Nick stared at him, his eyes widening in horror. “Uhh, okay. What about you? What are you doing here? And why the hell are you in some fairy outfit?” He’d never really noticed what he was wearing.

“Tinkerbell is not a fairy! She’s a pixie! Do you like the wings?” Lancy turned, wiggling a bit, making the gossamer wings flutter.

“Oh… uh, yeah, they’re really… neat.”

“Maybe if you’re lucky, I’ll sprinkle you with some of my special… ‘pixie dust.’”

Nick looked over when K suddenly busted out laughing. He glared; wasn’t the head honcho even pissed that Lancybassy had somehow snuck his way on board the mission? He wasn’t even an agent!

“Shut up, K!”

“What? What was that? I didn’t hear anything; was someone talking?”

Nick had been so busy messing around with Lancy, he didn’t even notice that there were some small people in weird costumes coming up to him and K. They slowly made their way forward until Nick stopped and looked at them, and then, suddenly, they were running.

“Move, Nick! Hurry!!” K yelled.

Nick hurried after him, giving Lancy a small shove. “Move!”

“Ohh my, I don’t know if I can run in these slippers!! They weren‘t made for running; they were made for floating, for gliding along gracefully! This isn‘t graceful!”

They all ran; the minions seemed to keep coming from out of nowhere. Suddenly, a song popped into Nick’s head; he was surprised K hadn’t thought of it – technically, it was his song.

“Gotta keep… one jump ahead of the breadline… one swing ahead of the sword. I steal only what I can't afford… that's everything!”

K turned his head to look at him in shock.

They turned a corner, the minions hot on their heels. K pointed to a building labeled “Tiki Room,” and they made their way in. Somewhere along the way, they’d lost Lancy; with a final cry of something about “not ruining a perfectly good pair of slippers,” he’d fallen behind.

“One jump ahead of the lawmen… that's all, and that's no joke. These guys don't appreciate I'm broke,” Nick continued, skidding to a stop as a group of minions appeared out of nowhere in front of them.

“Shit,” K muttered.

“One jump ahead of the slowpokes… one skip ahead of my doom… next time, gonna use a nom de plume. One jump ahead of the hit men… one hit ahead of the flock... I think I'll take a stroll around the block...”

“Nick! Will you shut the hell up?! This is no time for singing, even though the song is kind of fitting.”

“Ohh, you can’t hear me, right? So you can’t hear my singing, and you can’t tell me to stop!” Nick announced triumphantly.

K winced, stepping out of the way when one of the minions jumped at him, and, suddenly, they were fighting. Somehow, they managed to get backed into a corner, and Nick continued to sing, though K couldn’t figure out how he could sing and fight at the same time. Sometimes, that kid amazed him.

“One jump ahead of the hoof beats…”

“Vandal!”

“One hop ahead of the hump…”

“Street rat!”

“One trick ahead of disaster…”

“Scoundrel!”


K blinked. Were the minions filling in the crowd parts?

“They're quick, but I'm much faster”

“Take that!”


He shook his head. They were, and it wasn‘t even the right character singing the song, but they didn‘t seem to care. The power this place held baffled him; even the bad guys could break out into song and have perfect pitch besides.

“Here goes, better throw my hand in, wish me happy landin’, all I gotta do is juuuuuump!”

Nick had just finished the song, surprised he knew most of it, when he realized they’d defeated all of the minions. So that’s why music always played during fight scenes on TV and in movies; it made defeating the bad guys ten times easier!

“Uh, don’t let your guard down just yet, Nick,” K muttered, pointing up.

Nick looked up; out of nowhere, they were surrounded by a swarm of what appeared to be birds, but not the nice, flitty ones that were in the movies. No, these appeared to be evil birds.

Stupid, animatronic parrots. What did they want?


± ± ±


Meanwhile, Lancy found himself in what could actually be interpreted as one of his wildest dreams – depending on how you looked at it. Having seen Lancy talking to and then trying to run off with K and Nick, some of the minions had managed to catch him after he’d stopped chasing his colleagues, and Nick’s overly-faithful secretary now found himself imprisoned in a dimly-lit room, stuck in a chair and surrounded by tough-looking men in costumes. The only reason Lancy knew he wasn’t dreaming was because a shirtless Nick was nowhere to be seen.

“I’m not gonna ask you again,” one of the minions began, having been dubbed “lead Green Army Man” by Lancy because of both his Green Army Man costume from Toy Story and the fact that he had done most of the talking since Lancy’s capture. “What do you know about the plans?”

Lancy shrugged and, once again, tried to turn his head around enough to check on the state of his pixie wings. Who cared about some stupid plans when fabulous costumes were being damaged right then? It was bad enough that he’d almost ruined his slippers, but this torture was too much. “I don’t know anything about any plans, I told you!” Lancy pouted. “If the stupid airport didn’t have CNN on 24/7, I totally wouldn’t have even known about the stupid blizzards and stuff. They totally killed my cute outfit plans for my vacay.”

Lead Green Army Man sighed. “Cut out the ‘vacation’ crap, Tinkerbell. We know who those guys are that you were talking to, and we know what you’re all here trying to do. So just tell us what you’ve found out and what your orders are.”

“For seriously, boys, I have no idea what you’re talking about! The only orders I know about are the ones I’m gonna make at the bar tonight,” Lancy told them. Oh, what he would do for a decent Cosmopolitan right then – the drink and the magazine.

One of the other minions pulled Lead Green Army Man aside. “Maybe we should just let him go. We’ve tried everything, and he still keeps saying he’s on vacation.”

The third minion had now joined them and chimed in agreement. “This guy is not only clueless, he’s a weirdo, too.” All three minions shuddered as Lancy stared at them and winked when they looked up at him. “Can we please get him out of here?”

Lead Green Army Man sighed and pushed past the other two minions as he stood in front of Lancy again. “Fine. We’re letting you go. But if we catch you with those guys again or any of the others like them, we’re not taking ‘vacation’ as an answer. Got it?”

“Yes sir!” Lancy said, saluting Lead Green Army Man as the other minions grabbed him by the arms and led him out of the room. They exchanged a glance with each other as Lead Green Army Man opened the door of the room, and the two minions shoved Lancy out into the secluded alleyway that led into one of the maintenance areas. Lancy huffed as he adjusted his pixie wings before he quickly scurried around the corner of the building when the door opened once again. He leaned as close as he could to the side of the building so he could overhear the minions as they discussed their new orders.

“I guess now that all of these agents are running around, the Doc wants us to go stand guard at Space Mountain and make sure no one messes with the bomb,” one of the minions reported, and Lancy recognized the voice as Lead Green Army Man’s.

“We better hurry over there so he doesn’t get mad about us kidnapping that weirdo!” another minion exclaimed. They all hurried off, leaving Lancy alone once again to watch people running off somewhere without him.

“Who are they calling a ‘weirdo’? They’re the ones in plastic olive drab…” Lancy muttered to himself as he made his way back out into the park, pulling out his cell phone when he realized he’d just overheard an important piece of information. He knew immediately who he needed to spill the news to.

Pearl, darling, I have MAJOR news for u! Call me ASAP! Lancy typed furiously on the keypad of his phone.

Pearl replied two minutes later. Lancy, I’m on a mission. Can’t this wait?

Lancy sighed, his gaze fixed on his cell phone – he didn’t even care that people were staring at him as he walked past them in his fabulous costume. Finally, he was able to help out on a mission, and just by doing what he did best – texting and gossiping! Noooo, Pearlllll! This is ABOUT your mission!

No more than thirty seconds after his message was sent, Lancy’s phone was ringing, and Pearl was on the other end of the line. “What is it, Lancy? What did you hear?” Pearl asked, and Lancy could hear JC in the background, yelling and complaining at her about something – probably the phone call itself.

“Only THE most fabulous bit of news that I could EVER have heard! Oh, you are so going to love me forever once I tell you-“

“Lancy! The news…” Pearl urged.

“Okay, okay, O M G you are grumpy today!” Lancy huffed. “Anyway, I heard some guys around here talking about guarding some bomb, and-”

“Bomb?! What bomb?! I'm looking for a weather machine!" There was a pause, and then… “Forget it - you know where the bomb is?” Pearl pursued, before another realization seemed to hit her. “Wait, you’re here in Florida?! In DISNEY?!”

“Yes, yes, and YES!” Lancy replied, still walking around the park aimlessly. The only complaint Lancy had about Disney World at the moment was its lack of bars, since he really felt like having a good drink while he dished his big news. “Do you want me to tell you where this bomb thingy is hiding or not?”

“Yes, tell me already!” Pearl insisted before Lancy heard her snap at JC to be quiet so she could pay close attention to what Lancy was about to tell her.

“It’s at Space Mountain! The guys said they were going to Space Mountain to make sure no one messes with their bomb-y thing.”

“Thank you, Lancy!” Pearl shouted.

“Welcome as always, darling!” Lancy responded before he heard Pearl hang up. While sighing with satisfaction at a job well done, Lancy hardly noticed that he was about to cross paths with a very handsome Peter Pan. Luckily, he did finally see the cute guy headed his way and quickly adjusted his outfit and fixed his hair before putting on his flirtiest smile and rushing over to catch up with Peter Pan as he started walking the other way. “Oh Peter, I hope you’re thinking happy thoughts, because you and I have a date in Neverland tonight!”


± ± ±


Pearl stood on the float with her forced smile, waving at all the people who had amassed on the sides of the street to watch the parade go by. The guests were waiting excitedly for their favorite characters… who, unfortunately, happened to be them.

She was smirking at the white-gloved “pageant wave” Shazam had perfected as Prince Charming, when the phone buzzed against her chest. The one place she was able to stash a phone in this damned costume was within her bra. She almost felt like Diamond. Slipping behind JC, she reached for it discreetly and checked the caller ID. Lancy. She shouldn't be answering his texts, but something told her to, and she did, ignoring JC’s protests.

Pearl knew she couldn't be seen doing it and tried her best to hide herself in the awkward pumpkin coach float she was forced to endure. She knelt down, trying to disguise the fact she was using a cell phone from the public. No thoughts went to how she looked to the public, however. Horrified parents witnessed "Cinderella" bending down near "Prince Charming's" crotch area, with no regard for the children.

"Mommy, what are they doing?" The mother turned her daughter's head away, swearing to herself she'd never go to anything Disney-related again.

"What is it, Lancy?" Pearl almost growled into the phone, feeling extremely uncomfortable squatting down in heels. Annoyance was clear within her face, but soon gave way to interest. “Bomb?! What bomb?! I'm looking for a weather machine!" She shook her head; bomb ranked over weather machine, and Lancy actually seemed to know where it was, somehow. “Forget it - you know where the bomb is?” Pearl pursued, before another realization hit her. “Wait, you’re here in Florida?! In DISNEY?!”

“Pearl! What are you doing?!” JC hissed from his seat, but she quickly shushed him.

“Shh, quiet! I’m trying to hear a tip from Lancy!”

She dipped her head lower and clutched the phone to her ear, listening carefully. Finally, she rose up with a small grin and turned off her phone, stowing it back down the front of her dress. The scientist stood once more and looked over at JC. "We have a new problem. Forget the weather machine for now." She glanced around at the horrified and angry crowd. "What's with them? They look peeved."

JC gave her an exasperated look; his face was slightly red. She wondered, but didn’t bother to press him. There was a bomb in Tomorrowland; they had to get off. Now.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw an alley way that was being kept clear; costumed people, however, were freely roaming around. Bending over quickly and clutching her stomach, she moved towards the edge of the float nearest the alley. “Follow me,” she mumbled to JC as she passed him. She jumped off the float and flew into the alley way, where she pretended to be sick.

JC looked around anxiously, alone on the float. Everyone looked at him with wondering eyes. He laughed nervously. “It looks like Cinderella had some bad pumpkin juice,” he quickly said. “I will go check on her, being the charming prince that I am.” With that, he quickly turned and jumped off the float, following Pearl.

“Do you mind telling me what that was all about?” JC grabbed Pearl’s arm and dragged her further down the alley.

“Shut up,” Pearl quickly snapped at JC. She pulled her phone back out of her dress. “Lancy is here, and he overheard minions talking about a bomb at Space Mountain. Let’s move!” She grabbed JC by his arm and started to pull him off in the direction of the ride.

“Look, Mommy, Cinderella is talking to Prince Charming like you talk with Daddy,” a little girl pointed out to her mother.


± ± ±


“In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room... in the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room..."

Weren’t those damn birds annoying enough? Did Nick really have to sing along with them, even when that damn Iago bird came down to interrupt and sing his own even more annoying song? K wondered if maybe he should have brought Diamond instead, like Shazam wanted originally. Or even an agent of non 00-ranking. They usually – after the first month of intense non-stop basic training – were sent on missions with talented 00-agents for more intense training. It depended on K’s or Grasshopper’s evaluations of the agents involved. Sometimes... he wondered if those damn evaluations were inaccurate. They had said...

"Nick!"

"The birds sings words, and-”

… That Nick was actually sane for example.

“Nick…”

“-the flowers croon!"

And moments like these definitely proved differently.

"Nick..."

"In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room!”

“Nick! Could you stop with the damn singing of Disney songs?!”

“You’re too uptight, K. How often do you get a cool mission at the happiest place on Earth? I mean, jeez, enjoy it while you can. Live life to the fullest, for the future is scarce and all that.”

I sometimes wonder if you know how scarce it is, K mused silently. “Seems like you’ve had your fair share of the more unique missions lately.”

Nick grinned as they wandered further through the animatronic bird room of pure torture. “I’m a one-of-a-kind agent, so it fits. Extraordinary missions for an extraordinary agent, right?”

K sighed. He’d never admit it to anyone, but Nick reminded him of someone dear and lost to him. A reminder of what “could have” been. Potential for greatness he had seen once, but it had been painfully snuffed out before he could shine. Something that had pained him ever since. He knew this was where his protectiveness stemmed from. He never wished to admit this, but it was painfully, almost blatantly, true.

“In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room…”

His thoughts were interrupted once more. Must that blasted kid always sing?!

“You know, 008…”

“00Carter! …the birds sing words-

“008. You need to take your mission far more seriously. You’re a talented agent, Carter, better than most want to say. That’s why you made 00-rank so young, you and Diamond both. But if you don’t take your job seriously-“

"I take it seriously."

"You do."

"Yes!"

"Your actions say differently."

“K, listen. I. DO. TAKE. IT. SERIOUSLY,” Nick stated, all singing, jokes and lighthearted attitude aside.

“So singing and goofing off is taking it all seriously. I’d like to see you brushing it off lightly then.”

The blond rolled his eyes and roughly poked one of the robot birds that suddenly seemed to mock him now. When it tipped off its perch, falling and shattering upon the floor, he walked back towards Agent K with a slight innocent whistle.

“That’s how I deal. How else can I without going insane? I’m the reason why we lost an agent. I’m why that same agent is now with the enemy and now evil. I keep letting that same agent get away, and he’s here. I know he is. And if he kills anyone before I do finally catch him, it will be blood on my hands. My fault. I take all my missions to heart, K. I really do. I just joke, sing, and all so I can keep my sanity and maybe help everyone else keep theirs.”

K was a bit stunned. It hit him that he shouldn’t be, but he was all the same. Few of HimTak could or would even try guessing at the depth hidden within the “goofball” agent of the organization. In fact, he could only think of two members who could.

Nick looked at his superior agent, one of his mentors. For the first time in his five years at Himitsu Takana, Nick caught a glimpse of the great pain buried within those usually closed-off, jade eyes belonging to K. Nick released a breath, easily able to recognize that angst, for he had some of his own to deal with.

“So, when did you lose them?”

K stared at Nick sharply. “What the hell do you mean?”

“Whoever it is, the one or ones causing you so much hurt, man. That’s why you’re so cold, right? Why you don’t really care about me, about us, only the mission?”

With that, K angrily, furiously, stalked out of the Tiki Room, for once not caring if the enemy spotted him or Nick. In his mood, he’d almost challenge them to try it.

Nick thought he didn’t care?

Had he really become so cold?

He simply sighed despondently. Kristin wouldn’t recognize him now. Nor would she want to. K gazed around at all the people, all of them happy, all ignorant to what he dealt with daily to keep them safe. Was it worth it? Sometimes he wondered. K questioned it enough, thought of the sacrifices made. Some intentional and others unintentional. His lost wife, his beautiful, blond, blue-eyed son. He’d never forgotten either; they plagued his thoughts daily, despite the passage of time.

Kristen. They had met, here. Fallen in love, here. She had always supported him in his choices. Even called him “the hero” when he took on the duties of HimTak.

Nathaniel. His son. He had looked like Kristen, possessed her energy, her spirit, along with Kevin’s own determination and logic-loving intelligence. Crazy enough, from the moment Nick had first entered HimTak, he’d reminded K of him. Of what Nathaniel could have been, had he been allowed to grow older than the tender age of ten.

Nathaniel. Kristen, the loving one, the lighthearted side he didn’t possess. Married to him since they were both kids of eighteen. What would she think of him now? He knew the answer.

She would be greatly disappointed.


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana
Emerald and Brian were still searching the grounds. Their conversation had picked up after it turned out that they were following the wrong Mickey Mouse – as they’d quickly learned, there was more than one Mickey wandering around the park at any time. Emerald found herself even more amazed at how much of a gentleman Brian was as they continued to talk, but after they had gone some time without noticing any suspicious activity, she began to wonder if they were even looking for the right sort of behaviors. That was, until they found themselves in the middle of Adventureland.

“Hey,” she said to Brian as she stuck out her arm to stop him mid-stride. “Check that out.” She nodded towards Jafar, who was shouting at a few children who were tugging at his costume.

“Get away, you little brats!” Jafar shouted, one hand on the parrot on his shoulder and the other swiping at the children at his feet.

“Jafar in Adventureland?” Brian questioned. “You’re right, that is suspicious.”

“Hmm, I was actually just gonna say he looks like he’s too short for his costume, but I like your answer better,” Emerald replied as they made their way over to Jafar.

Dr. Rough, still frustrated by the crowd of children screaming at him, looked up as Dr. Twitches squeaked frantically on his shoulder. He saw Donald and Daisy Duck pushing through the crowd to get to him and quickly shoved away the two children tugging at his arms and darted off.

“Looks like he’s definitely making a run for it,” Emerald confirmed, pulling out a gun she had concealed and beginning to fire at Dr. Rough.

“What are you doing?!” Brian shouted as Emerald’s bullets narrowly missed the innocent tourists.

“I’m trying to stop the bad guy from running away, so we can catch him easier!”

“Well it’s not working!” Brian countered. “All you’re doing is putting everyone in danger!” Just then, he spotted a ride he knew they could use to their advantage. Luckily, their “Jafar” was heading straight for it. “Come on, I have a plan.” He nodded towards the ride and pulled Emerald along with him so they could approach it from the other side.

Dr. Rough laughed to himself as he looked back and noticed he was no longer being chased, not realizing he’d been pushed into the middle of the line for one of the most popular rides in Disney World: The Mad Tea Party, commonly known as the “spinning teacups.” He tried to move against the crowd and escape, but it was no use as he was forced onto the ride and landed himself in one of the teacups, next to a couple of young children.

“Are you sure this can work?” Emerald said as they heard the ride operator instructing the ride’s passengers on the safety rules.

“Only one way to find out…” They hid near the control panel, waiting until they heard the ride operator return and the machinery spark to life before they set to work. Emerald helped Brian open the back of the control panel, then leapt up to try and distract the ride operator with small talk, pretending to be one of his coworkers, all while Brian plucked a few wires out of the control circuit and rearranged them in what he could only hope were the correct places he needed them. Peering up to watch the results of his work, Brian saw that it was a success.

Dr. Rough screamed at the top of his lungs as the ride moved faster and faster. It didn’t help his nerves that the children sitting next to him were shouting and laughing and using the pole in the middle of their teacup to make the ride spin more and more. He clutched Dr. Twitches tightly as his stomach churned wildly, and the ride continued to pick up speed.

“So, when did you say your break was again?” the ride operator asked Emerald with a wink. Before she could come up with an answer, though, his expression turned serious, and he began to fumble with the controls in front of him. “That’s not right… The teacups are moving three times as fast as they should be! No wait, four times as fast as they should be! I need to stop this ride right now and call maintenance…”

Emerald took the opportunity to sneak away from him unnoticed, as she was sure he would call security once he saw that the back of his control panel had already been opened and the wires were tampered with. She found Brian waiting on the other side of the ride, watching closely as people exited the ride. “That kid’s gonna figure something out soon; we better go before we get busted,” Emerald reported.

“But he hasn’t gotten off the ride yet,” Brian replied.

“He will, but we can’t catch him if we get caught first, so come on!” she urged, pushing Brian to move through Fantasyland.

Moments later, a nauseated Dr. Rough emerged from the ride and immediately ran towards the nearest trash can, pushing the headdress of his costume higher on his head as he practically threw himself inside of the trash can to throw up.


± ± ±


Donnie adjusted his costume as he stared up at Space Mountain. The helmet was a little too much for his shoulders to carry comfortably. And earlier, some children had popped the metal wings from his back and asked if he was going to try flying. It was a nerve-wracking experience!

He started wringing his hand nervously. This was his chance to show his master that he really was trustworthy. He alone was the best guard for the bomb – and he would make sure Dr. Rough knew that.

Donnie then ducked behind a post just as some children passed by. Now was not the time to risk socializing with children. He turned his head slightly and saw a nubile girl poke her head out of the nearby entrance to the Utilidors. He gave her a wink.

The young actress tossed her red hair slightly and smiled back at him.

Donnie turned his head back to Space Mountain. This was his chance to prove his worth to his master! ... But this girl….

She winked at him.

“Spread out! We’ll keep them from getting close to it!”

Donnie turned to see more of Dr. Rough’s minions nearing the ride. Well, if they were there, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt…

He strolled over to the Utilidor entrance. “You know, it’s dangerous for Disney princesses to be in Tomorrowland…”

The redhead ran her hand over her shell bra. “Wouldn’t you like to show me Prince Charming of the future?”

A large grin spread across Donnie’s face. He turned back toward the door and then slipped his hand around the girl’s waist.

“I hear there’s a grotto with your name on it, Mr. Lightyear.”

A smile crossed Donnie’s face again. Let the lesser minions guard the bomb; women were the perks of being a top-ranked minion.


± ± ±


Only the security cameras wired among the bare pipes and fluorescent lights that ran along the ceiling of the Utilidors saw a disoriented Jafar stagger down the steps, into the stark, gray world of poured concrete built beneath the Magic Kingdom – and no one was monitoring those.

No, security in the Utilidors was the last in the long list of concerns which had been growing over the last couple of days. Disney’s behind-the-scenes personnel were too preoccupied with puzzling over the disturbing weather patterns – which followed no logical pattern at all – and the sudden surge of energy being burned by Space Mountain. Even the reports of strange behavior by Mickey Mouse were, for now, being cast aside; after all, they had no way of knowing which Mickey was acting up (there were so many of them!), and probably it was just a disgruntled employee releasing some pent-up rage over spending forty hours a week in a giant mouse costume. Once the strange weather stabilized and they sorted out the electrical problems in Tomorrowland, they would turn a watchful eye upon Fantasyland. Even then, no eyes would be watching the activity in the Utilidors too closely.

And so, no one noticed as Dr. Rough leaned back against the concrete wall, his hand pressed weakly to his churning belly, Jafar’s turban leaning crookedly upon his head. Even after throwing up, he still felt nauseous, too nauseous even to feel enraged that he had been forced onto a teacup that spun too fast by a couple of cartoon ducks, who were not what they seemed. He knew by the way Daisy Duck had wielded that gun that she was no Disney cast member. She and her partner were agents, like the others his minions had alerted him to. Agents of what? The FBI? No... an FBI agent would get canned for firing a weapon in the middle of a crowd at Disney World, especially without being attacked first. Only agents of Himitsu Takana would be that reckless, that daring, for they didn’t have the U.S. government to answer to.

HimTak. Could it be? Had the meddlesome agency really tracked him here, to Disney World, where he had tried so hard to stay undercover? The thought made him even more nauseated.

“They won’t stop us,” he whispered to Dr. Twitches, petting the quivering ferret in maniacal strokes. “If they try, I’ll have Donnie detonate the bomb early. They will be too late, and it will be all their fault. Their fault…” His spastic eye fluttered as he struggled to regain his composure. He would need to have his wits about him, a clear head, if he was to change plans and strike early.

But first, he needed to sit down. There was no furniture in the Utilidors, not even concrete benches, but there were a couple of battery-powered carts parked here. They looked something like golf carts, but the Disney people called them pargos. He climbed into one of them now and slid down in the seat, resting the back of his head against the cool plastic.

He shut his eyes for a moment. His stomach was beginning to settle now that he was resting, here in the quiet, air-conditioned sanctuary of the Utilidors. He would be content never to see Fantasyland again, with its bright light and unbearable heat, its shrieking brats, and those ungodly spinning teacups. He would give the order to detonate the bomb from down here, watch the park’s destruction on the security monitors, and emerge only once his work was done, when there were no more HimTak agents or children to get in his way.

The thought had no sooner crossed his mind than he felt Dr. Twitches’ body stiffen upon his shoulder, the ferret’s claws digging into his flesh like needles. He winced, then tensed himself, as he heard the doors to the Utilidors open and two pairs of footsteps descending the concrete steps. He shifted silently in the seat, reaching for the gun stowed beneath the folds of his black robe.


± ± ±


Donald Duck held hands with Daisy as he pulled her down into the Utilidors. As soon as the door had shut behind them, he dropped her hand and pulled off his own head, and then he was Agent Brian Littrell again, sighing as the relief of the air conditioning met his perspiring skin.

Emerald may have spent most of her time in the desert of Nevada, but he wasn’t used to the sweltering heat, and the drifts of unnatural snow on the ground were useless. The snow wasn’t even cold. He would know: he had scooped up a handful to shove down the front of Emerald’s costume, once they were safely hidden from the teacup ride operator. She hadn’t even winced, just smacked him. Thankfully, her Daisy Duck gloves were good and padded.

She removed the gloves and her mask as well, shaking out her mane of dark hair. “Whew,” she sighed. “There may be snow out there, but it’s as hot as a fucking crotch. And humid too. Ick.” She drew her hand across her sweaty forehead, then wiped it off on her costume. “And let me tell you, those stupid gloves make it pretty damn hard to pull the trigger on a gun.”

“You shouldn’t have pulled the trigger at all!” Brian exclaimed, looking at her incredulously, as his mind rewinded back to the scene in Fantasyland. He had blocked it out until now, when they were alone and could talk freely. “What were you thinking, firing your gun in the middle of the Magic Kingdom?”

“I was thinking a bullet to the leg would take ol’ ‘Jafar’ down, and then we could get to the bottom of the freaky shit that’s been happening at this place. That’s what I was thinking,” Emerald fired back hotly.

“I understand, but… someone could have been hurt. Or killed! A child could have been killed!” He could feel his eyes bugging out of their sockets as he stared at her. Even flushed and wearing a giant duck suit, she was a beautiful woman – beautiful, and a little frightening. Now that the adrenaline had retreated from her system, didn’t she feel some remorse over her rogue actions?

“Chill, Donald.” No. No, she didn’t. She was being sarcastic again. “I’m a far better markswoman than you know. I wouldn’t have hit a kid, even with those stupid gloves on. I would’ve gotten him, if you hadn’t interfered.”

“Emerald!” Brian paused, frowned, and cocked his head at her. “Say, what’s your real name, anyway?”

“Summer.”

“Really?” That surprised him. “You don’t look like a Summer.”

She shrugged. “Hence why I’m called Emerald Ecstasy.”

“Yeah, that name does suit you better.” He swallowed, tearing his gaze away from her green eyes. “But…” He refocused. “Summer! You didn’t hit him, and you almost hit a bunch of tourists. I had to do something!”

“All you did was let him get away. Though I will say, watching him spin around on those teacups was pretty funny.” Her mouth twisted at the corners. A smirk. She was amused, not irritated. The look on her face was infectious, and he cracked a smile too.

“It was pretty good,” he admitted. “His face was turning green.”

She laughed. “Don’t worry, Rok, we’ll find him. There can’t be nearly as many Jafars running around this park as there are Mickeys. Especially not little shrimpy ones like him.”

He joined in with her laughter as they rounded the corner… and stopped dead in their tracks.

Brian’s heart sank as he looked into the barrel of the gun pointing straight at him. How could he have been so stupid? He had forgotten the first lessons he’d learned in his weapons training, how to navigate corners and cover himself and his partner, and now they were both about to die for it.

The dark eyes behind the gun were fixed and crazed. One of them drooped slightly. Brian stared into those eyes, frozen in horror, and knew he was about to take a bullet for the first time.

When the gun fired, he blinked and flinched away instinctively, reaching for his own weapon, hoping he could get in a good shot before he was rendered incapable. He expected to feel the bullet tearing through his flesh, but there was no pain, and when he raised his gun to aim, he saw that his nemesis had ducked, disappearing behind the hood of the motorized cart.

The smell of gunpowder was coming from the smoking barrel he now recognized out of the corner of his eye, and he looked over in astonishment at Emerald, standing fiercely with her gun still trained on the cart. There was a small, round hole through the back of the driver’s seat.

He had to give her credit: she was a far better markswoman than he’d known. A second sooner, and her bullet would have ripped straight through Jafar’s chest. A second later, and his bullet would have discharged first.

And in the current second, he saw the barrel of the villain’s gun appear over the hood of the cart. This time, he was able to react. He grabbed Emerald, yanking her out of the way just as the gun fired. She fired another shot over her shoulder as they leaped into the other pargo.

The keys were in the ignition, and Brian, in the driver’s seat, fired up the motor and shifted the cart into gear. “Drive!” screamed Emerald, who had climbed in backwards and was on her knees in the passenger seat so that she could shoot behind them. He slammed his foot down onto the pedal, and his arm thrust out to grab hers, keeping her from launching headfirst over the back of the seat with the inertia of the sudden jerk forward.

They sped through the Utilidors, and though there were no mirrors on the cart, Brian knew the shooter was following them in his own pargo. Another set of shots rang out, but Emerald didn’t fall, and neither, apparently, did their enemy. Brian tried not to think about what was going on behind him, just concentrated on driving through the tunnel with as much speed as he could get out of the pargo and prayed the FANS agent would go down before either of them did.

“Look out!” he shouted as they hurtled through the central hub of the Utilidors, passing half-costumed Disney cast members. The staff exchanged bewildered looks, but didn’t seem to recognize the danger. In this world of make-believe in which they made their living, they must have thought the guns were just props, the cart chase just a game, a fun way to blow off steam.

Brian rounded the circuit of the Utilidors, hoping he’d gained enough ground on the FANS agent to lose him. He feared that one wrong turn would run them into a dead end, and the only way out would be up, up into the park crawling with civilians, innocent families with children. He dared to look over his shoulder, and his heart sank again: the other pargo was not far behind them, the madman driving in a frenzy, his fingers gripping the wheel like claws while his free hand wielded his weapon wildly. He wouldn’t be able to steer and aim well at the same time, but if he got in a lucky shot…

At that moment, he heard a pop, and the cart took a sudden swerve to the side. It took all of Brian’s skill to steady the wheel and keep the cart from crashing into the cement wall. He realized the back right tire had blown. A split second later, a second shot, a second pop, and the back left tire was obliterated too. There was a horrible screeching sound as the pargo bottomed out, its back rims scraping against the concrete floor, spitting a shower of sparks behind it. In desperation, Brian floored the pedal; the cart’s small motor revved, but its speed was lost. The chase was over. They were done for.

Then suddenly, a chance. As their cart lurched past a door marked Lion King Green Room, the door opened, and a whole troupe of actors, fully costumed for their stage show, paraded out into the tunnel, blocking the path of the other pargo. Brian heard the cart’s horn honking for them to get out of the way and knew the diversion would give them only seconds, but that was all they needed. He leapt out of the crippled cart, pulling Emerald with him. They could hear the FANS agent roaring in outrage as they lost themselves in the safari of animal suits and raced up a set of stairs and out into the bright, open air of the park.

Brian didn’t know where they had come out, and he didn’t stop to find out. Still holding onto Emerald’s hand, he kept running, looking for cover. A shot rang out behind them, and he looked over his shoulder: the FANS agent had ditched his pargo and was still tailing them, his black robes billowing around his ankles as he ran.

“We’ve got to get him away from here before someone gets hurt,” Brian hissed to Emerald as they ran. In his peripherals, he could see children staring at them in confusion: Donald and Daisy Duck, only partially costumed and missing their heads. Knowing that a more disturbing sight was on its way – a dangerous one, at that – Brian shouted, “Hey kids, watch out for evil Jafar! Be safe and stay out of his way! Look for Aladdin instead!”

“The Hall of Presidents!” Emerald suddenly cried, pointing. “Let’s go there; no one else does!” But just as she said it, they noticed a cluster of kids in blue polo shirts and khakis being led to the attraction’s entrance. Emerald swore. “Fuck, a school group.”

“Over there!” Brian bellowed, pulling her in a different direction. They passed Peter Pan’s Flight and slipped beneath a sign that read “It’s a Small World.” The line of waiting people cried out in protest as they cut through it. “CIA!” Brian yelled, wishing he was not dressed like a duck so that he could flash his credentials at the discombobulated ride operator. “Shut the ride down; this is an emergency!”

There was no need; the gun fired again from behind, and the line scattered with a chorus of screams. The operator ducked behind his podium as Jafar darted past. The boat which had just been loaded emptied again as guests leapt out and ran in fear. Brian jumped into it. Emerald used it like a vault, springing off one of the seats and into the canal. Realizing the boat was not moving, Brian followed, and they splashed off through the shallow water, around the corner and into the ride, knowing their opponent would follow.


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana
Dr. Rough’s senses were on overload as he waded through the canal of the ride, shivering at the sudden change in temperature as the cool water quickly saturated his robes. He rounded the first bend of the canal and was rendered temporarily blind. The tunnel of water was plunged into darkness, but his eyes adjusted to take in the bright lights and colors of the platforms on both sides, where little, animatronic dolls danced and spun.

He could no longer see the HimTak agents, not even their shadowy silhouettes, but for a few seconds, he could still hear them splashing ahead of him. Then their watery footfalls were drowned out by the music. That horrible music…

The words were being sung in a language he didn’t recognize, but the melody, that awful, unchanging melody, was one he would never forget, never get out of his head again.

Dr. Rough shuddered and pressed on. His waterlogged costume had become heavy, and it tangled around his legs as he tried to jog. On his shoulder, Dr. Twitches squeaked in annoyance as he was splashed with a few drops. “We can’t let them get away, Dr. Twitches!” Howie gasped. “They’ll ruin everything!”

Hitching his dripping robes up with one hand, clutching his gun with the other, he slogged on through the canal.


± ± ±


“This music is the most fucking annoying thing I’ve ever heard!” Emerald hissed, as Brian reached down from the bank of the canal and offered her his hand. She ignored it, boosting herself up and out of the water with ease.

As soon as she was on the stage, standing among the happy, moving puppets, she aimed a kick at one of the little Swedish girls dancing on a rotating platform. The doll toppled stiffly over, pulling her dancing partner with her. They lay dead among the other dancers, still spinning round and round.

“Aw c’mon, don’t break the ride,” Brian chided her. “Let’s just get out of here before he catches up to us. We can nab him on the other side.”

They hurried through the scores of animatronics representing Europe, Brian careful not to disturb any of the props, while Emerald grew progressively aggravated by the endless repetition of “It’s a Small World.” When they passed the neat rows of toy soldiers, drumming away in time, she couldn’t resist and drew her gun again. Like ducks in a carnival game, the soldiers dropped one by one as she shot them point blank, until none were left to stand guard.

“Emerald! Summer!” Brian cried out, appalled. “Stop that!”

He grabbed her shoulder and twisted her away, yanking her through the rest of the Europe room so quickly, she didn’t have time to aim.


± ± ±


Dr. Rough heard the distant shots and quickened his pace, determined to catch up. He could not let the two agents get out of the ride alive.

Then a disturbing thought occurred to him: What if they were not just trying to outrun him, but planning to ambush him? They could be hiding anywhere, among the moving scenery and hundreds of dancing dolls. The gunfire could be one agent’s diversion while the other was lurking somewhere, taking aim…

His head jerked about on his neck, his frantic eyes darting in all directions. He felt very exposed standing in the middle of the water, without even the hull of a boat to protect him. Fearful, he ducked low in the water, sinking up to his neck. Dr. Twitches, now half-soaked, chattered angrily. “Shush, Twitches!” Dr. Rough hissed. “Daddy needs his Twitches to be a good little boy now. You like to swim, don’t you, baby?” He mollycoddled the ferret in hushed tones, nervously stroking its damp, matted fur. Dr. Twitches, who was getting wetter with each pat, had had enough and sank his teeth into his master’s neck.

Dr. Rough swore and reached up to swipe at the ferret, but Twitches was too quick for him and launched himself off his shoulder and onto the dry bank of the canal, which served as the ride’s stage. Watching his precious pet disappear among the animatronic scenery, he gasped and splashed after him, struggling to pull himself up onto the stage.

He forgot temporarily about the threat of Himitsu Takana as he raced through the foreign lands after his prized minion. Europe became Asia, and Asia transformed into Africa. It was darker here, and monkeys, elephants, and giraffes loomed overhead, while tribal drums pounded along to the obnoxious music. His enemies could be here, hiding among the tiny natives…

He knelt down behind a pyramid, topped with a man on a camel, and lifted his wrist to his face. The glow of his watch provided just enough light for him to fumble for the right buttons; moments later, Mickey Mouse’s grin appeared on the clock face.

“Fatone!” Dr. Rough gasped. “You’re still in Fantasyland?”

“At my cottage, guarding the machine like you told me too, Dr. Rough,” replied Joey through his Mickey mask.

“Leave it for the time being, and get to the Small World ride. Bring as many others as you can find. Himitsu Takana is here, and they’re waiting to ambush me inside the ride… but not if FANS surprises them first. Come in through the ride’s exit.”

“On it, boss. Over and out.”

The time replaced the image on the watch’s screen. Dr. Rough straightened and took off again. His breath came in short gasps as he ran, bogged down by his soaking wet costume. He looked neither right, nor left, determined to get himself through the attraction and back out into the sunlight.


± ± ±


Having just made it out, Brian and Emerald finally stopped running and took cover behind a trash receptacle just past the exit to “It’s a Small World.”

“He couldn’t have been far behind us,” Brian spoke in a low voice, keeping his gun concealed between his body and the trashcan. “He should come out any minute.”

And then they would make their move. Point their guns, force him to surrender his weapon, and arrest him, even before he was clear of the exit line. With any luck, no children would even witness what was about to happen. And if they did, they could play it off. “Daisy and I are honorary police! We’re here to arrest Jafar for his crimes against Aladdin and Jasmine!” The kids would buy it, no problem.

So they waited, eyes trained on the exit for the first sign of movement.

But it was movement in their peripherals that got their attention first, and too late for them to react. Emerald managed to raise her gun, but it was quickly kicked out of her hands by Pluto, and before Brian could get in a shot of his own, Mickey Mouse – the Mickey they had been looking for – raised his own weapon and pistol-whipped him. The light and heat of the Florida sun disappeared as The Rok sank into a dark, cold oblivion.


± ± ±


Inside the neverending ride, Dr. Rough skidded through Antarctica, where penguins rather than children twirled merrily, and thought of MJ and the ice fortress destroyed by Carter. Was Carter here now? He could see his plans falling apart before his eyes, yet he continued on through South America and Hawaii and Australia and thought with some desperation, Someday, I will own them all. Himitsu Takana had meddled yet again, but he would not fail. He would take over the world one day, and it would be his.

“It’s a small world after all…”

He found himself in a large room where all the dolls were dressed in white, and they danced and sang in English.

“It’s a small world after all…”

A shudder ran through him; the world controlled by Dr. Rough would not be a small one. It would be an empire, the likes of which had never been seen. He would do what the great leaders of history, what Alexander, what Napoleon, what Hitler had set out to do, but never accomplished. He would rule the entire world!

“It’s a small world after all…”

And that world would not be small! He hated the world small!

“It’s a small… small… world!”

“No!” Dr. Rough cried out. “It’s not a small world! It’s not a small world! It’s not! It’s not!”

“There is just one moon and one golden sun…”

I shall rule the moon! I shall rule the sun! I am the sun!” screamed Dr. Rough. “The fate of the world depends on me!”

“And a smile means friendship to everyone…”

“There shall be no smiles! There shall be no friendship!”

“Though the mountains divide, and the oceans are wide…”

“No! Noooooo!” Dr. Rough fell to his knees, clapping his hands over his ears.

“It’s a small world after all…”

“It’s not! It’s not a small world!” he pleaded, lowering his forehead to his knees and rocking. “It’s not… a small… world! I’m… not… small!” The great leader of FANS fell over, curled into the fetal position, and twitched there on the floor, whimpering over and over again, “I’m not… I’m not small; I’m not…”

When his minions found him there, Joey gave Abs a grave look and murmured, “No one is to ever know about this, got it? You calm him down and get him out of here. I’ll take care of our HimTak friends.”


± ± ±


Pearl did not like the feeling in the pit of her stomach. She pushed JC; they needed to keep moving. They forced their way through the crowd, attempting to join the throng of people in line for Space Mountain, and managed to find a clear, open area. A small beeping noise emanated from what looked to be a delicate, jeweled watch upon her wrist that fit in with her costume, albeit a bit modern. No one noticed it, even after she pushed down the glove a bit to reveal the dainty piece of jewelry. Her "watch" beeped at her, and she examined the screen to see just how close they were.

“Hey Cinderella!” someone shouted.

“Quick, before tourists catch us,” JC seethed.

“We have to be careful; with a bomb there, someone will surely be here to stand guard!” Pearl shouted as they ran. The duo raced by everything so quickly, they did not notice the strange behavior of Buzz Lightyear as he pursued Ariel the Mermaid.

They managed to find a doorway towards the back that led to the maintenance room for the ride. JC tried the door, and when it did not budge, he glanced around quickly, finding the key badge lock. He was not going to make himself look a fool again by attempting to bash down the door.

“Another room full of computers.” Pearl smirked. She was shocked, however, that this room wasn’t constantly monitored. The ride was always breaking down, so you would think someone would be there to make sure it ran smoothly. Her eyes kept skipping down to the watch that wouldn't shut up, and JC was already tired of hearing it.

"What is that thing?" he asked, knowing full well that with her, watches never told time.

"It's what the military's calling a Fido sensor; it sniffs out bombs. Only mine's a better model – and easy to wear in watch form. I wear it on missions, just in case." She had forgotten she had the thing on when they had left for the so-called vacation. Lucky for them.

Pearl searched the room for some way to access the ride. They were getting close. “C’mon!” she shouted to JC as she found a door on the opposite side of the room that hopefully would give them access to the ride.

“No lock on this door.” JC grinned and shoved the door leading to the Omega track open; they stepped through and were plunged into total darkness. “Great, how are we supposed to find this thing now? And how are we supposed to avoid the coasters?”

“I glanced at the schedule inside that room; the Omega track is in repair at the moment. Perfect opportunity for someone to place something inside this ride.” Putting her gloved hand against the wall, Pearl started to walk towards the blinking light that was growing stronger. “This way.” She held up her wrist so JC would know what direction to go.

It took them only a matter of minutes and quite a few stumbles and cursing out of the blue dress and heels before Pearl’s device caused an earsplitting screech. “Here, in this room.”

Her eyes adjusted more to the dark and scoured the room, but the flashing blue lights disoriented her, making the search seem longer.

“What is that?” JC tapped her shoulder and grabbed her head to make her look at the large box attached to the track.

“I can move my own head.” Pearl shrugged his hands off her and stared in the direction that she was forced to look. “Shit, that’s it. Great, this may be the real problem, not the weather machine… but why bother with the weather machine then?"

Her question unanswered, Pearl dropped to the floor and crawled over to where the bomb was to examine it. “We are in luck; it’s a simple device. I should be able to disarm the timer and remove it from the track, but I will need to take the entire thing back with us to neutralize it; it's too dark in here. Something else is a bit odd, too, almost like it's supposed to be some sort of power source...”

“Right; I should have known.” JC looked anxiously around. Though Pearl assured him this track was shut down, the proximity of the other coaster running the track left him uneasy. “Hurry up,” he urged.

“My fingers can’t grasp the right wires.” Pearl sounded frustrated.

“Perhaps you should remove the gloves.” JC sneered at his colleague and her forgetting that she was wearing something that would hinder her finger movements. He heard Pearl grumble at him and then slam something soft on the ground. His eyes were just barely able to make out a pair of white gloves lying on the floor.

Hands now gloveless, Pearl was able to grab hold of the wires, but the darkness and flashing blue lights was making it difficult to see which wire needed to be cut in order to stop the timer that now showed a matter of minutes. “Do you have a knife?” she asked JC.

She felt something cool next to her and reached for it; JC had managed to sneak something useful into his costume after all. Holding her breath and wishing for luck, she severed the red wire. The clock on the timer automatically shut off. She sighed deeply with relief and set about unstrapping the bomb from the track.

“About time.” JC sighed with relief. He was glad it was dark enough in the room that Pearl would not be able to see the sweat pouring off his brow, proof of how nervous he really was.

“Let’s take this to K.” Pearl started back towards the door, or at least what she hoped was the door out. Closer to the door they’d crept, when the distant rumbling and screaming sounds grew louder. JC pushed her up against the wall and flattened himself just in time, as a rush of wind passed: the Omega track was up and running after all.

“Thanks,” Pearl squeaked out.


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana
K heard footsteps come from behind. Nick. Speak of the golden-haired devil. He looked sheepish and apologetic.

“K, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pressed, dawg. I’ve been there too, ya know? And-”

K shook his head and held up his hand to stop him. Something else, something more important, was capturing his attention. There. There was the leader of FANS, the one from the file, only now, he was Jafar. How ironic. The man looked panicked and seemed to be running from something. He tapped Nick and pointed in the enemy’s direction.

“Let’s get to work.”

“Right.”

The two quickly followed the character’s direction. At least they all happened to be characters from the same movie, so although this wouldn’t be a normal happening at Disney World, it wouldn’t look terribly strange either. They raced after him across the park, further in. Nick, fed up with the monkey suit, tossed off the oversized Abu head behind him.

“Nick!” K hissed at him with a well-aimed nudge. The stealthy pursuit became a full-blown chase within seconds.

“I can’t exactly breathe, and that’s the leader; I need my A-game,” Nick answered and only received annoyed muttering in response.


± ± ±


“Jafar” shoved by the many people. Children were pushed to the ground with no regard. Parents could be heard shouting after him, but were completely ignored.

Dr. Rough stole a glance at the agents pursuing him, and he wanted to explode with rage. More agents of Himitsu Takana. Carter… that was someone he’d expected. But accompanying him… could that really be him? The man beside Carter was a man who had become legend. A man who had almost become myth within the underground villainous world he lived in. Agent K. There wasn’t any villain who didn’t know who he was. He couldn’t help but feel smug that he had caught such a feared agent’s attention. He reached for a small device within his ear; he knew just the one who could him help take them on.

“Yo, what up, dawg?”

What Dr. Rough wouldn’t give to rid his best agent of such hideous abuse of the English language. “I have Agent K and Carter on my tail. I’m headed to…” He glanced around for something to delay the other agents with. Something he could use to make it difficult. He smiled when he spotted it. “Thunder Mountain. I need assistance; send the others, and come to me as soon as possible.”

“Aight, I be on it.”

He clicked the communicator off as he changed direction. He threw the innocent bystanders behind him, knowing that Carter and K would never let civilians come to harm.

“You were taller in the movie!” one kid yelled.


± ± ±


Nick had heard that and couldn’t help but laugh. The chase continued, and they saw their enemy race to the tall fake mountain before them and attempt to start climbing. He pulled out his gun as they grew closer to the ride and Dr. Rough seemed to decide to avoid the people. Kevin gave him a look as he also pulled out his gun and carefully kept it from view.

“Wait till we’re in a less crowded area.”

“I know that, K. I’m-” He stopped when bullets began to whiz by them angrily. “And now the groupies are here.”

K shook as head as he picked up speed. “Focus. Be careful, but remember, we want the leader. Cover me.” He began the climb up after Dr. Rough, who, for such a small man, was able to speedily get up the mountain. Nick slowed down, trying to distract the minions and give K the chance he needed. He leapt over the tracks as he heard the carts for the roller coaster come closer. Ducking down, he began shooting and chuckled when one collapsed immediately.

The rest of the minions froze when one of their own went down.

“He’s got a gun!”

Another, the one who seemed to be leading this almost embarrassing chase, rolled his eyes at his fellow FANS members. “You idiots – we’ve all got guns!”

Nick couldn’t help but laugh, despite the situation. “And HimTak thinks I’m a spaz.” He heard the coaster approaching and leapt inside one of the carts, which, to his joy, was almost empty except for two people too wrapped in each other to notice much else. He sat back, ready to take a breather till he grew close enough to jump off and climb up to K and Dr. Rough. That was, until he saw the minions realize what he’d done and jump in the very next cart.

Gunshots rang out around him as he ducked down, thankful for the protection of the roller coaster. He took his shots carefully, knowing that while he had many targets, they only had one. Nick carefully stayed crouched in the small seat, where they couldn’t get a good shot at him. He flipped open his watch, finally able to admit he needed backup.

“Pearl, you there?”

A frustrated face appeared on his tiny screen. “I’m here, whatcha need Nick?” She gave a small smile, happy to talk to him rather than JC.

“Send Shazam’s dumb ass up to Thunder Mountain. K and I have the FANS leader on the run, and we need backup.”

“On it; I need a break from the asshole.”

He flipped the watch off and, taking a breath, jumped off the cart and over to the mountain. A small cord shot from his watch and swung around a ledge, gripping it tightly. He smiled. Maybe it was a good thing the damn watch couldn’t tell time. Nick released the cord after he got a good grip and footing. Then, he began to quickly ascend the mountain to help his mentor.

“Hold on, K, I’m coming.”


± ± ±


JC Chasez had never expected to see this day come. He nodded at Pearl, who informed him that Nick Carter was actually requesting back-up. He hated the annoying blondes, both Pearl and Nick. Still, he never would deny an opportunity to show up Nick. And he could, by being the one to finally capture Drums.

He was heading towards Thunder Mountain, where Pearl had said the showdown was taking place. But something made him pause. A familiar face caught his attention.

The head was missing from a man in the bright blue costume of Genie, and a small snicker came. Ironic – most of them had gone Aladdin-themed. Then he spotted the face. An eye was missing, replaced with a robotic one, attached to a long, metal headband that wrapped around the forehead. Kids scrambled away in fear from him. JC released a sigh. It was Justin.

Everyone at Himitsu Takana knew the story of Nick and Justin, what had once been a tight friendship gone sour in ways no one expected. Everyone knew the story of Pearl and Justin, too: they had been just as close, until she had decided not to operate on him because of the risks and controversy surrounding what she would have had to do. But many forgot about Drums and him. Shazam and Drums had also been quite close friends. In fact, JC was the only one who truly hadn’t betrayed Justin. But in their business, sides were set, lines were drawn, and Drums had crossed to the darker side, to enemy lines.

The entire idea of Shazam being the one to bring in Drums suddenly became bittersweet. And that was when Justin happened to turn his head, and stared directly at him. Rather than shoot at the easy target, however, he went for the quickest escape possible, and that was straight into Cinderella’s castle.

JC pursued him through the employee back ways, and shots were finally fired. It surprised him even more: why wait until the bullets were more likely to miss? JC fired none in return. It was pointless, anyway; they would simply bounce off of the metal rails and steps with no true hits.

Perhaps the man wasn’t beyond reach after all. Could that be why Justin hadn’t made a true attempt to kill him?

Soon they both reached the roof of Cinderella’s castle. That was when JC decided he’d try not to kill him. That was when he decided this man wasn’t beyond help.

The two circled each other, similar to cats about to fight. Neither spoke a word. Justin’s remaining eye was steely and cold, even compared to the robotic red eye that only emitted a blinking red light.

“Justin… we can talk about this.”

“Yo, we ain’t gonna rap like dat.”

He sighed. “Justin, you don’t want to kill me. I don’t want to kill you. You don’t have to do this. We’re friends.”

He wasn’t sure what he said that triggered it. And he was given no opportunity to think about it. Justin’s face had gone from fierce to emotionless, robotic, cold, deadly. His voice was flat and determined.

“You ain’t nevah had a friend like me.”


± ± ±


She finally had gotten the bomb locked down enough to feel she could safely bring it out of Space Mountain. Once out, she had been able to neutralize it completely. The only reason she still carried it with her as she wandered the park (in the shoes she considered to be from hell) was because she wanted to see the technology of FANS, especially since she had suspicions this bomb had a real purpose, a source of some kind. She was hoping to see if she could find Emerald, Brian, or someone, since the aforementioned two weren’t responding to her pages.

Pearl gazed up to see Cinderella’s castle. At least she wouldn’t be out of place wandering around. She just wouldn’t have a clue as to how to explain the device in her hands, if asked, though it helped that it didn’t actually look like a bomb.

Voices shook her away from her thoughts.

“Oh my god, is that a new show?”

“Why does the genie not have his head on?”

“What is with the park today? First Cinderella was giving Princey a BJ, Mickey has been horrific, and now…”

She raised a brow, but a song of screams kept her from pursuing that last statement. She looked up, and there was JC and Drums. Within seconds, she saw why people were screaming. “Prince Charming” had been shoved off of the castle roof by Aladdin’s Genie.

Everyone moved away, panicking and fleeing the park that had gone bad. Pearl remained rooted in her spot, unable to move as JC crashed onto the hard pavement with a sickening thud only a few feet away from her. His skull was crushed immediately, blood splattering like rain, dotting the skin-tight blue dress she wore with dark red spots.

She stared in horror, unsure of how to react. This was worse than anything she had seen, including the Phoenix Suicide and the aliens. Her mind just couldn’t process that JC, like him or not, had been thrown to his death right before her eyes. She shifted her gaze and saw Justin running off from view, but she was still frozen, unable to give chase.

Slowly, she approached the still body, as blood pooled around his head and seeped into his dark, matted hair. His eyes were open, staring off into something no living person could see. Cautiously, she took in several breaths to calm herself.

“Pull it together, Kitana,” she commanded herself. She paged Brian in hopes of an answer, having hacked into his CIA line in her earlier attempts. “Rok, this is Pearl. I need you and Emerald to go after K and Nick. They’re on Thunder Mountain. I…” She choked on the words. “I have a man down.”


± ± ±


Justin watched through one of the windows along the large, blue castle. No one came inside; too many were focused on the commotion just beyond the castle steps. The crowd around JC was massive, and it kept him from rushing off like he had planned. It forced him to only gaze upon the damage he had done, from a distance, as always, because of his robotic handicap. It made him think about something he wanted to just toss aside. He wanted a plea of forgiveness for what he had done.

He would never utter the words aloud, would never give them any thought after today, he knew; he would rationalize it later. Not that he could ever get such a thing. Forgiveness was forever out of his grasp. Because he was dead.

Because Joshua Scott Chasez was dead.

There was no question of that, and it had been a horrific scene. One that was guaranteed to scar the children at the park for a lifetime, promising future trips to therapists throughout their lives. But Justin didn't care about that. He only cared that JC had died. JC had died by his hands. There was no blood upon them, but he could swear he felt it dripping from his shaking fingers. He wasn't sure why he hadn't expected it to be so messy as he watched the man fall to his demise. But he hadn't. The head had been so fragile, had crushed so easily. It had hit the pavement and splattered upon it like a dropped watermelon. Better to compare it to something so ordinary and simple, better to think of it all as just ruined fruit. He'd much rather think of that than the fact that he’d killed a man, a man he’d once called friend.

JC, Josh, Shazam. He was dead, but he hadn't done to him what the others had. There’d been no stabbing betrayal between them. But he had fought alongside the traitors Justin loathed. That had been enough to set his tragic fate. He’d deserved what he’d gotten, Justin knew, not that he felt comfortable with it. Yet something inside settled. So that had to mean something had shifted for him. The bitterness that raged within seemed to simmer slightly with just one HimTak agent death. Such a thing proved to him that he was on the right path.

Though he had to wonder, why hadn’t JC tried to kill him? He’d had the open shot. Why hadn’t he taken it? Why had he tried to talk him down? Had he really been blind to the fact that Justin was luring him to a more painful death? Nick had done the same at Global Idol, tried to rationalize with him. He wasn't Justin anymore. Not the one they’d known. Couldn't they see that?

Justin was dead, and Nick had killed him. Jewel had presided over the death. Pearl had refused to resurrect him. K had buried him. Now, only Drums remained. And Drums cared nothing for those connected to Justin.

Though, if that were true, would he be doing more than watching Pearl's shocked, pained, and horrified face as she scrambled to move the body away from the crowds? He caught pieces of words, claims of it being practice for a show, that it wasn't a real body. He also caught the slight fear within her tone.

Pearl. He could kill her. It would be all too easy. She obviously thought he had left already; otherwise, she wouldn't leave herself for such an open shot. A ripe killing. But he knew then why he was only watching. She deserved more. A well-aimed shot to the head was far too casual for the likes of her. Yes, she had earned worse, far worse. As had the others who had stabbed him in the eye.

Like K, and Nick. The ones whom Dr. Rough was encountering at that moment. Dr. Rough, his savior. He needed him right now. He couldn't waste any more time now that the chaos had finally begun to die down.

As Pearl slowly slipped away from his view, he made his way down through the employee stairwells. A small eye patch was slipped over his robot eye for a slight chance of blending in. He made his way into the crowd, hurrying swiftly to his new destination.

Thunder Mountain.


± ± ±
It's a Small World: Part 9 by Himitsu Takana
When Brian opened his eyes and saw his surroundings, he thought he must be dreaming. The bright colors and exaggerated proportions of the décor were certainly out of a dream world. And was it just the dizzy, curving lines of the furniture, or was the whole room spinning?

Realizing he was seeing everything sideways, Brian tried to sit upright, to get a better look, only to realize he could only lift his head. The rest of his body, he saw with horror as he looked down, was bound in thick ropes, his shoulders, arms, legs, and ankles wrapped like cocoons.

So this wasn’t just a dream. It was a nightmare!

But with the struggle to sit up came a throbbing pain in his head, and he realized that this was neither dream, nor nightmare. He’d never felt pain in his dreams. Even his nightmares always ended before the pain was scheduled to come. He wasn’t dreaming. He wasn’t asleep. This was real.

Moving just his eyes, he looked around again and realized he was lying on a bed in the center of the room. Wriggling like a worm, he managed to roll over onto his other side, and it was then that he spotted Emerald. She was also tied up and had been wedged into the window seat a few feet from the bed. She was sitting up, awake, but deep in concentration. Through bleary eyes and occasional bouts of double vision, he watched her, and after a moment, he realized why. Her hands were free! She was using them to work at loosening the ropes around her ankles.

Brian struggled against his own bindings for a few seconds; they didn’t give at all. How had she managed to free her hands? “Hey,” he whispered, unsure of where their captors might be.

Emerald looked over. “Hey, you’re finally up,” she said nonchalantly, speaking at her normal volume. “You don’t have to whisper; ol’ Mickey ran off to help the rest of them and left us here. Not that we’ll be here when he gets back.”

The ropes dropped limply from around her ankles. Brian watched in amazement as she lifted one foot and flexed it, slowly rotating the joint. “How did you untie yourself??”

A smug smirk played on her lips. “I’ve had lots of experience with bondage.” He felt his face redden, and she laughed. “Nah, here’s the real trick. This wouldn’t have worked for you, since you were already unconscious when they tied you up, but I was able to pull it off. I surrendered and let them tie me up, so they wouldn’t have to knock me out. When they went to put the ropes around me, I tensed all of my muscles, made them bulge out as far as they go. You do that, and when you relax your muscles, the ropes are already a little looser. Then you can work at them until you get your arms free. Your sweat works to your advantage; it lubricates your skin, makes it easier to slide through the ropes.” She rotated her wrists, doing jazz hands. “Neat, huh?”

“That’s real neat.” Brian was impressed. They could use resourceful agents like her in the CIA, if only she weren’t so trigger-happy.

“Give me a few, and I’ll get you loose too.”

Within ten minutes, she’d made good on her promise, and they were both free. At Emerald’s insistence, the first thing they did was get out of their duck costumes, since their masks were long gone. “So where exactly are we?” Brian asked, as he draped his Donald Duck costume over the wardrobe door.

“Haven’t you guessed by now? I thought you were the cartoon freak,” Emerald scoffed. She gestured inside the wardrobe, where there was a rack of identical black suit jackets and pairs of red pants, a drawer of white gloves, and a row of yellow shoes. “We’re in Mickey’s Country House. Mickey and Pluto must have shut it down to tourists, ‘cause no one’s been through it since they left us here.”

“Ah.” Brian nodded. He could see that they were beyond the roped off path through the house designed for park guests taking a tour. He and Emerald climbed over the ropes and followed the path through the house.

“Look around for our guns,” Emerald advised, her green eyes sharp. “They took everything.”

Brian nodded again. He couldn’t help but look around as they poked through the ingeniously decorated kitchen and living room. He hadn’t been to Disney World since old cousin Kevin was working there. Emerald began tearing through any potential hiding place, tossing items haphazardly aside, but Brian was careful, not wanting to disrupt the work that had gone into decorating the little cottage.

Of course, Emerald’s methods were much more efficient, and she found the weapons, along with their communication devices, in Mickey’s garage while Brian was still pouring over the living room. “Here,” she said, tossing him his handgun and pager. “Let’s go.”

Brian stowed the gun in its holster at his waist while Emerald trotted off through the house. Her head appeared around the corner a moment later. He had stopped in the middle of the living room to read the sports pennants perched on the couch.

“Will you come on?” she snapped impatiently. “They’ll be back any minute, and they’re not gonna be too happy when they find out we’re gone. But we better be gone.”

“Sorry, sorry; I’m comin’,” Brian assured her. But as he took one final, sweeping look around the room, something else caught his eye. “Hey, hang on a minute…”

“We don’t have a minute!”

“No, Summer, wait. Look over there.” He pointed to the fireplace. “You see those cords hangin’ out of the chimney?”

“Yeah, so?”

“So with as much attention to detail as they gave in every nook and cranny of this house, don’t you find it a little strange that they would wire the electricity through the chimney and leave cords hangin’ there for everybody to see?”

“A big fat F in Decorating 101, for sure,” Emerald replied impatiently, tossing her wild, dark hair over her shoulder. “But who cares? Let’s scram!”

“Go on if you want. I wanna see what those cords go to. Somehow, I don’t think they belong to the Disney people.”

Emerald sighed, but she followed him as he approached the fireplace and knelt down, looking up into the chimney. There was a shadow overhead, something wedged into the cramped space, but it was too dark to see what. He fished around in his pockets. He had a small pocket knife that he’d had since he was a boy scout; it contained a small flashlight. His colleagues at the CIA ripped on him for carrying around a boy scout pocket knife, but it came in handy at times like these. The flashlight wasn’t powerful, but it brightened the chimney enough for him to see where exactly the object was stowed.

“Hold this,” he said, handing the flashlight to Emerald, and before she could protest, he started to climb up the chimney, pushing his arms and legs against the brick sides, using the indents of the grout lines for footholds. It was a tough climb, but thankfully, he didn’t have far to go. He got a hold of the object plugging up the chimney, some sort of mechanical, metal box, and yanked. It took a couple of tries, but the object suddenly came loose, and Brian with it, both of them tumbling into the fireplace.

“Ugh,” Brian moaned as the metal box crushed his chest. The pressure was quickly relieved by Emerald, who picked it up.

“What is this thing?” she asked, turning it over in her hands. “Some kind of machine…”

Brian climbed painfully to his feet. “It’s gotta be the weather machine.”

Emerald wrinkled her nose, studying the metal box. “You think? It’s so small… how could a little, metal box cover Disney World in snow?”

“Hey now… size isn’t everything. Small guys – I mean, things – can pack a lot of power.” He threw her an impish grin.

Emerald looked over at him and suddenly grinned back. “Gotta hand it to you, CIA – you did good.” She tossed the weather machine up and caught in neatly in two hands. “Come on… let’s unplug this thing and take it to Pearl before Mickey’s Country House becomes Mickey’s Snow Fort.”

Brian followed her eyes downward and saw that there was a small drift of snow forming at their feet. Chuckling, he followed the cord to an outlet in the wall and pulled. The weather machine shut off with a low hum, and almost instantly, they watched the fluffy pile of snow cave in, as it began to melt. Soon it would only be a puddle on Mickey’s hardwood floor.

They stepped over the snow on their way out of the house, but before they’d reached the threshold, Brian’s pager crackled to life. “Rok, this is Pearl. I need you and Emerald to go after K and Nick. They’re on Thunder Mountain. I… I have a man down.”

Blue met green as Brian looked into Emerald’s wide eyes. For once, he could see that she was shaken. He knew neither of them had time to dwell on the last of Pearl’s words. He was concentrating on the first part.

Big Thunder Mountain, Brian knew, loomed on the other side of the park in Frontierland; it would be quite a trek from where they were. The Utilidors beneath the park would provide a shortcut, but it would still take them precious minutes to get to the ride. He hoped they wouldn’t be too late to help his cousin and… yes, even Carter.

“C’mon,” it was his turn to tell Emerald. “You heard her – Kev and Nick need us. Let’s go.”

Emerald, who had been the one urging him to leave all this time, didn’t hesitate. She was right on his heels, still clutching the disabled weather machine, as they hurried from the cottage.


± ± ±


The entire set-up had failed within moments.

He had thought he’d had Dr. Rough cornered; he thought he had helped K. What Nick hadn't expected was more minions coming up like cockroaches feasting on rotten food. And they’d slowed him down a bit.

He’d then figured the climb up Thunder Mountain shouldn't take that long. If the little man could do it, if K could do it, in so little time, he could, right? Wrong again. He’d almost fallen twice and was slowed by scattered gunshots aimed at him. So by the time he had gotten his way up the stupid, fake mountain from hell, he’d thought he had them by surprise.

Wrong. For the third time… wrong.

"Game over, Dr. Rough!" he had said, so confident.

"Yo, you be wrong again, Carter." Only one person spoke like that.

He turned as Dr. Rough moved confidently towards his agent. Nick backed his way closer to Kevin, at one of the upper ledges of the mountain roller coaster. He was suddenly thankful beyond belief that he’d decided to page Pearl on his way up the mountain. Seeing the annoying minions made him think twice about the lack of backup. Nick only hoped JC would finally do something helpful by showing up soon.

"You may have tried to stop this plan, but I WILL rule the world!" the short, Latino man cried triumphantly at the victory evident by the surprising turnaround. "And my first step will be killing two of the greatest HimTak has! Then…"

Nick tried so hard not to snicker as he saw the man's eye twitch excitedly, and failed miserably. He felt like he could step on the short, twitchy, dorky, evil genius before him. The laughs came, and suddenly, they couldn't stop. He wasn't sure if it was because he knew he was going to die or what, but the blonde agent just couldn't help himself.

"Yo, somethin' funny? You's bout ta have a cap in yo’ ass!"

K stared at Nick in utter amazement. How could the boy laugh at a time like this? Literally, in the face of death! What had he been thinking before, about being surprised at Nick's depth? What the hell had happened to that Nick? That Nick was who he needed now. And yet, Nick kept laughing.

Dr. Rough's veins almost popped out of his forehead to explode in rage. "WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY, 00CARTER!?"

Nick paused laughing for only a moment. "Ha, K! Even the bad guys call me 00Carter now!" He began snickering again. "Even ones who..."

"WHO WHAT!?" the evil leader of FANS bellowed.

"Who are short..." He choked on more laughter. "and all twitchy... and…"

K shook his head. "Nick, it's not smart to mock the man about to kill us."

He kept laughing. His face was almost red at that point. K felt like strangling the boy, that or laughing right along with him. Was insanity contagious when it came from Nick?

"With this villain..." That was when he began to sing. "It's a small world... after all!"

Justin only smirked. "Bad move, yo."

The trigger was pressed swiftly, as a furiously intense, falsetto voice shrieked at them, "I AM NOT SMALL!!"

Then, time seemed to slow for them both. Kevin saw the bullet first. It was a dead-on shot for Nick's heart. His own heart almost stopped at the thought. No. Not again. He would not let him die. Quickly, he shoved Nick towards the ground as the bullet angrily tore through his own arm.

Nick's humorous outlook on the situation immediately vanished, and a look of amazement replaced the joyful expression.

"K!" a familiar, female voice cried as footsteps could be heard swiftly approaching them.

Drums was the first to recognize the voice. Emerald. She had one of the best shots in HimTak, and there was no doubt that CIA agent was right behind her. How had they escaped Mickey's house so fast? He took a good look around; his mechanical eye analyzed everything around him and then sent the data to his brain. The storm clouds; they were dissipating, revealing clear, blue skies over the park. The snow; it was finally melting in the ninety-degree heat. That meant they had the weather machine. He listened to the noises around him and made a decision.

"Dr. Rough, yo, we gots ta bounce; they got da machine." Shots were being fired at them, missing by mere inches. Nick now had his gun aimed at the enemy, his composure regained. His mentor gripped his own arm tightly, showing no signs of pain.

"We'll meet again, Carter!" Drums smirked as he grabbed his own mentor, and the two jumped into what looked to be a suicide leap. The coaster cart sped out under them in just the precise moment for them to land within it. The landing was rough, having been from a good distance, but they were safe, and escaping.

"SHIT!" Emerald yelled as she saw their escape. "Damnit, Brian, if you had just let me shoot, I could have gotten them!"

"Summer, now, ya could've hit someone! You can't predict coasters, and you could've caused one to go off course."

Nick rolled his eyes, not happy to see either of them, especially since they had come too late. And where was JC? Damn, he had asked for one thing... He shook his head. Maybe he’d gotten held up somewhere. Nick helped K up and began the slow climb down the mountain he had come to loathe. He let the duck duo go ahead of them, wanting a moment to speak with K.

"Why did you do that?"

K raised one of the infamous bushy brows (which most agents loved to mock) at him. "What do you mean?"

"Why did you put yourself in the line of fire? You could've gotten yourself killed, K. I ticked him off; it was my fault..."

"Believe it or not, Nick-" Nick turned his head at not being called a number for once. "I really do care. Far more than you think. I do care about whether you live or die."

"K-"

"Now let’s go find Pearl and 006 and see what happened."

"But-"

"008, let's go." He smiled then. It was only for a moment, but his superior agent gave him a genuine smile.

"Right." And he followed the older man down.


± ± ±


She felt so alone, tucked in a small room that only granted access to employees, away from prying eyes around Cinderella's castle. She had originally planned on just hiding out inside, before realizing people were going to follow. So now she was in that small room, waiting for answers, alone with a corpse. A corpse that, only a short time ago, had been a living ally. He had already grown cold, and the fact that his eyes remained open unsettled her deeply.

Pearl felt a small drop hit her now bare hands. She blinked with surprise. She was crying. She didn't like crying, hated it. In this job, you had to keep control. She had to keep control. That was why she liked science so much. Science, gadgets, technology – all of that made so much sense to her. In science, the basic rules never changed. It was reliable, grew with you, but never did a complete turnaround on you. People at HimTak who didn't know her well called her cold, as robotic as her inventions. But she wasn't; it was just control, and control was safe.

And now she was crying, and she hated it. She hadn’t even liked JC Chasez! He’d pissed her off to no end; he’d hated her just as fiercely, and the two had never been able to get along together. And now she was crying for him. She was crying for him, crying for the fact that he’d died by a friend's hands, crying because she felt like she’d sent him to his death. But was she really crying for him? Or the fact that Justin killed him? She’d never thought she'd see the day, even after witnessing Global Idol and the Antarctica mission. Justin was now dead; Drums had killed him when he’d thrown JC to his demise.

Pearl sighed and dabbed her wet eyes. She couldn't break down yet. She needed control. The others would be over soon. And as soon as that thought entered her mind, her phone buzzed against her breasts. She slipped it out and flipped it open. "Hello?" She sounded composed, not like she had almost broken down just now.

"Pearly?" came Nick's voice. "You okay?" Well, she’d thought she sounded composed. Perhaps not?

"Yeah, Blondie, I'm good. I'm at Cinderella's castle... in a large storage room... the body is with me, too."

"So JC is..." He didn't say it, and didn't have to.

"Yeah. Drums..." She'd never call him Justin again. "He shoved him off the top of Cinderella's castle. I had just come up, and he..." She didn't finish.

"We'll be there in a few."


± ± ±


Nick saw her when they came up to the room. She stood outside of it silently. The body of JC was inside, and she’d wanted away from it once she knew they would be there. He hugged her, and she smiled weakly before shrugging him off in a gentle manner. "I'm okay."

She saw the others. Emerald and Brian went into the storage room, while K watched her with careful eyes. Her own gaze shifted to his wound. "K, what happened!? You alright?"

He smirked, but with no humor in his eyes. "Just a scratch. What about you?"

She nodded. "I'm fine, just..." She looked around the place that was supposed to be so happy, a place that was twisted and perverted by the people from whom they’d fought to save the world. The young scientist took a deep breath before releasing it slowly. "Just no more missions for awhile. I want my lab, my work. Technology doesn't fall to its death before my eyes."

K nodded somberly. "Understood."

"You sure you're okay, Kit?"

"Yeah, promise… So what happened up there?"

The others walked out from the storage room, as Nick proceeded to fill Pearl in on the events up upon Thunder Mountain. Emerald sighed. She hadn’t minded JC; he’d been nice to spar with and to bash Nick when he pissed them both off. And, more importantly, he had been a comrade, a man fighting by their side against the evils of the world. And he had died by a former ally's hands. Tragic wasn't the world for this. She felt like stealing a car and going off for a massive joyride till she found a crazy thunderstorm to enjoy. Yet she stood there and smiled at Brian a bit as he patted her back in comfort. It was then that she remembered the machine she had tossed aside for K and then picked up again on their way back down the mountain.

"Trekkie girl." She tossed Pearl the small device. "There's the weather machine. We found it stashed in Mickey's house."

Pearl examined it carefully. "So they had this and a bomb... Their leader may be completely crazy, but if he created these, he's a genius."

"No competition for you, though, right?" Nick teased, trying to get her to smile.

"Actually, he might be..."

"Wow, Brainiac may have met her match," Emerald remarked, a bit surprised herself after seeing the man face to face. Who knew such a mess of a man could be such a problem?

"Brian, I take it you'll have your men explain this mess..."

"Yes, cuz, I'll make sure no one knows of this. My superior is going to have a field day as it is, with how public this has gotten."

The others continued to converse as K chose to step away from them for a moment. He walked out to the pathway leading up to the doorway of the castle, pensive about the mission. He guessed many would deem it a success. The world was saved yet again, ignorant, overall, to the truth of what had really gone on around it. Yet Drums had escaped once again, along with his new leader, Dr. Rough. More importantly, he – and HimTak – had lost a great agent and a good man. It hurt more than he wanted to admit.

Nick approached him slowly, almost cautiously.

And yet he had saved one agent...

"K, we're going to go below and get back in our street clothes – is that alright? We figured we'd rent a room here tonight before going back tomorrow. Brian says the clean-up will take a day or so; then we can have JC sent back to us..."

K simply nodded. "I'll find you all later when it's time to leave."

Nick watched him slowly stroll away and disappear within the crowds. K was really hurting, and, this time, not from the past, but from the present. Was all that hardness just an act to get by? K had saved him earlier, had been afraid of letting him die. He smiled to himself. He guessed everyone had another side to them. And Nick couldn't wait till he finally got to see the full view of K, the man behind the shell.

He felt bad for being a bit happy, after all that had happened that day. Happy, even though JC had died. But he knew that he would avenge JC's death. He would make things right. Somehow, some way, because he was responsible. One day, Drums would have to face all he had done. So would Nick.

"Hey, monkey ass, are you coming or not?!" he heard Emerald call out, which shook him from his more somber thoughts.

"Oh, come on, Em, he doesn't look THAT bad as Abu..." he heard Pearl's subdued tone defend.

He chuckled to himself as he walked back to his fellow agents. Well, fellow agents plus Brian, the country government agent who was just downright annoying. "No, you're right – the monkey look is an improvement."

"Just for that..." He smirked as he approached them. "I'm going to sing, just for you guys!"

"Oh, just shoot me now."

Nick snickered as he began to loudly sing to them. "It's a world of laughter, a world of tears… it's a world of hopes, it's a world of fears. There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware... it's a small world after all!"

"Shut up, Nick!" they all shouted at him. But instead of getting mad, he simply laughed.


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana



The young woman played with the stem of her drink glass, watching the liquid move around the glass as she did so. Her eyes drifted towards the door as she felt a quick breeze. Disappointed that the person she expected did not walk through the door, the young woman sighed and glanced at her watch. She had been sitting here, alone, for over an hour and was beginning to believe that she had been stood up. There were plenty of guys who were salivating at the possibility that she would give them half a chance. Her dark brown hair was swept up, with a few curled tendrils framing her face. The lights in the bar dimmed, alerting the patrons inside that they had now entered the evening hours.

This is it; I’m leaving, the young woman decided to herself and pulled out her cash to pay her bill. She was already beginning to stand and straighten out her sleek, black dress when she heard another set of footsteps stop in front of her table. She swore to herself if it was another drunk trying to pick her up, she was going to use some of her newly-acquired training to tell them she wasn’t interested.

“You aren’t leaving already? Are you? ” a male voice startled her. She looked up into the eyes of the person she’d been waiting for.

“You’re late,” she said with a slight growl to her voice. Nonetheless, she sat back down, indicating that the man who had finally joined her should do the same.

“Aw, c’mon, you know how hard it is for me to get away. Demanding job and all.” He smirked at the woman, pulled out a chair opposite her, and sat down. The waiter came by and took his drink order; the woman indicated that she wanted another of her own as well.

The couple sat in awkward silence, staring at their own hands or glancing around the bar watching everyone else. When their drinks arrived, the man ordered another for himself and downed his first one in a few gulps.

“Stressed?” she asked, taking note of how fast he drank his beer.

“Tomorrow we start out on a new… mission,” he replied.

“One of those top secret missions that even I, your own sister, am not allowed to know about, I suppose.” There was a slight haughty tone to her voice.

“This one, sis, even you woulda joined in on back in the day, and it is gonna be so much fun.” The man let out an almost-girlish giggle, but caught himself quickly when the server dropped off his second beer.

The woman looked around at the people at the other tables around her. Every table appeared to have eyes looking at the two of them sharing a drink together. “I can’t believe I agreed to meet with you here, of all places. What if someone sees us together?”

“You are too uptight; you need to learn to relax. A night out could only do you good. You work too hard.” The man across from her downed his second beer and began to eye her drink, plotting when would be a good time to steal her beverage and have it for his very own.

Shoving her drink towards her brother, she continued, “I would feel better if you weren’t involved with that organization you hold in such high regard. I don’t understand why you feel the need to be involved with these people. What is it that they do for you? It seems to me that they only are using you.”

“You’re my kid sister; you shouldn’t worry about me. I know what I’m doing, what I’m getting into. I am a big boy and don’t need you looking out for me. Let me be the one looking out for you.” He finished her drink, offering her the cherries from the bottom of the glass, eating them before she could accept.

Sensing that she was still feeling uneasy, he felt, perhaps, he could trust his sister with the plan so she wouldn’t have to worry as much as she was. “Well, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but since you worry so…” The young man leaned in closer to his sister and commenced telling her about the latest plot, the plan he was more than excited to be involved with. He spun his tale quietly, but with exuberant hand gestures so that she would get the entire picture of what it was he was involved in next. “…Anyway, it will happen in the Bermuda Triangle, so who will believe anyone about what happens there?” He cackled with glee, savoring in the stares that he was receiving from the other bar patrons.

She shook her head and hid her face with her hand out of embarrassment when he finished informing her of the latest plot he was involving himself in. “I don’t understand why you just told me that. I’m a police trainee… what if I turned you in?”

Stunned she had even said that, it took him a few minutes to pull out his wallet and throw down his money for his drinks on the table. “I told you so you wouldn’t worry about me like you are so fond of doing. I can’t believe you are going through with this police training. What about family? Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” Shoving back his chair, he stood quickly and turned to storm out. “Besides,” he turned back, adding, “you are my little sister. You would never do anything to harm your older brother. Both you and I know that you don’t have the guts to turn me in, else people dig deeper into your past and discover the monsters in your closet.”

She watched as he made his way out the door, conflicted over whether she should ignore what she had just heard or do something about it. She rummaged through her purse and found her cell phone. Flipping it open, she began to scroll through the phone numbers listed. Finding the one she wanted, she quickly hit the send button.

“Hey, beautiful lady,” came a slurred voice drenched in the smell of alcohol. “How about you and me…” He was unable to finish the statement, as her hand flew to his groin and squeezed tightly.

“I am on the phone. Go hit on someone else,” she informed him, before releasing him to find some other unfortunate girl to hit on.

“Hello, Nick. It’s me, Aly...”


± ± ±


“Hey, you. To what do I owe this honor?” Nick chuckled.

“You know why I’m calling; I just met with my brother, and…”

“Oh yeah? How’d that go?”

“Well, I’d tell you if you’d let me talk…”

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry about that. Just so glad to hear from my favorite girl and all,” Nick said softly, trying not to laugh.

“Your favorite girl, huh? Whatever, anyway…”

“Aww, c’mon, you don’t like being my favorite girl?” Nick pouted, feigning hurt.

“Shut up, Carter, I’ve got something important to tell you!”

“Well, sooorrry!”

“Anyway, my brother told me about this plot that he’s going to be working on next. Something about this sub that’s going to be designed as a Kraken so they can take over cruise ships to get money.”

“Isn’t that a little… I dunno, old fashioned? I mean, seriously. Then again, there are some cruise ships that are worth a lot, and… actually, that’s not a bad idea.”

“Nick, shut up and let me finish! I swear, I don’t know why I even bother.”

“What?! I was just joking… go on,” Nick sighed.

“Okay, so they’re going to be dressing up as pirates, so that way, no one can explain it, and get this: it’s all going to take place in the Bermuda Triangle. Ya know, because of the myths and everything. They figure if anyone tries to explain it, everyone will think they’re crazy, ya know? I mean, that is, if anyone were to survive.”

“I can see that; it would be kinda crazy…”

“And stupid! I mean, these are people that are going to use some kind of… mist machine to make it look foggy, and…”

“Oooh, I love that misty, foggy effect! That’s gonna look sweet! I’ve always wanted to be in a movie where I come out of the mist dressed in this really great tux, looking all smooth, and I have this martini glass in my hand with an olive on a toothpick, and…”

“Nick… can we focus, please? Hmm?”

“Sorry…” He cleared his throat. “Sorry, go ahead.”

“As I was saying, this is what’s going to happen.”

“So this is all about money?”

“Basically. Isn’t that what everything is about?”

“I guess. Do you think they could pull this off? Well, I mean, if we weren’t going to stop them?”

“I dunno, Nick. I can see where they’re going with it, but it’s just crazy.”

“And besides, stuff like that never works in the movies; there’s always one fatal mistake, and then it’s over. We’re going to be that fatal mistake!” Nick cackled.

“I swear, Nick, you’re such a loser.”

“Thanks! I have to say, I kinda feel sorry for your brother.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“’Cause I’d hate it if I had a sister who was a snitch,” he laughed.

There was silence on the other end.

Nick frowned. “Hey, I was just kidding. I didn’t mean it.”

He felt like an ass. It couldn’t have been an easy thing to do, to pass along information that could possibly get a family member hurt, or even worse, killed. Nick could relate in some sense, maybe not in the family sense, but still.

He remembered when he’d first met Aly Mendez, on a past mission. He’d visited a local nightclub for a drink and a little entertainment, and he’d seen her. She’d been just as beautiful then as she was now, and an amazing singer. He’d stayed through her entire set and had made sure to meet her after.

They’d talked for awhile, and he’d tried his best moves, and all of them had failed. Still, he’d found himself drawn to her, and when he’d found out she was going to be a cop, but sang to bring in extra money, he’d become even more intrigued, if not impressed. She was slight, but strong, her body lithe, yet feminine.

He’d had many a dream about her thereafter. He’d been sure to get her phone number before leaving that night, and he had the distinct impression that she hadn’t expected him to ever call, but he had, and it wasn’t for romantic purposes, much to his dismay. No, he’d needed her help with the mission that he’d been on at the time, and he was surprised that she’d helped him. Granted, it had been no easy task convincing her to do so, but eventually she had, and his mission had been a great success.

“Carter?! Hellooo?”

“What? Sorry, I’m still here, just thinking.”

“Really?” she said, amused.

“Shut up!”

Theirs was a love/hate relationship.


± ± ±


Nick had been blessed with a vivid imagination, a way of conceiving things in his head and then bringing them to life on paper. Sketches, lyrics… he might have been an artist instead of an agent. He had the talent, but not the temperament. At least, not anymore. His angst would have suited an artist’s craft well, but the anger… the anger was what had driven him deep into this world of espionage and secret agents.

He was known only by the latter here at HimTak: an agent who was slightly bumbling, but talented nonetheless. It was widely known that 00Carter couldn’t walk without tripping over his own two, large feet, but just the same, he could jump back up and fire a gun with dead-on accuracy. And he possessed more subtle skills as well. He could read people, and he could charm people, and those two, innate abilities aided him even more than his hand-eye coordination did. They were evidence of a depth that few of his peers at the agency saw in him, which was probably his own fault. He was the one who had groomed his persona as a prankster and a womanizer, charismatic and fun-loving, but rarely serious.

He kept his serious side to himself, his artistic endeavors a private pastime. Those at the agency knew he had musical talent, thanks to the Global Idol debacle, but they didn’t know how he liked to make up words to the random melodies flowing through his head, or that when he was alone in his room, he drew in a large sketchbook he stashed beneath his mattress.

It was in this sketchbook that Nick doodled while he listened to Aly’s voice on the phone, picturing her face in his mind’s eye and scrawling the lines of it by memory. It was a hastily done portrait, certainly not his best work, but, looking down at it as she shared her woes over her brother’s latest crime scheme, he thought he had effectively captured the melancholy look of her angular features. He would just have to go back and fill in the color of her eyes. They were what made her striking, the blue she’d inherited from her white mother contrasting with the black hair of her Latino father.

Sapphire Siren… that was his secret name for her. She wasn’t a part of the agency like the others, but he’d gotten so acclimated to the gemstone names for the women of HimTak that it seemed the only natural choice for her, the enigmatic singer whose life was as conflicted as her biracial features. She spent her days training for the police academy, her evenings singing on the LA club circuit, and her nights turning the other cheek, while her brother continued her father’s legacy of drug-smuggling, theft, and god knew what else. Nick knew it hadn’t been an easy decision for her to pass on information about his latest conspiracy.

“Please,” she begged, “I’m only telling you because I know you can take care of it without getting the authorities involved. You know I can’t turn my own brother in to the cops or the government. You can stop this whole scheme without getting him hurt or incarcerated, like my dad. Can’t you?” At once, her strong voice was uncertain, almost little-girlish.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nick vowed. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll-”

The beeping of his phone stopped him mid-sentence. “Hold up a sec,” he interrupted himself, lowering the phone to glance at the screen. It was another incoming call, from “Grandma.” Nick groaned. “Hey, I gotta go. Got another call from the big boss man. I’ll call ya later if I can, ‘kay?”

“It’s cool. Catch ya later. Oh, and thanks.”

“Yup.” With the push of a button, Nick switched over to the other call. “K?”

“Where are you, 008? Did you not get the memo about the staff meeting that was supposed to start five minutes ago? We’re waiting on you,” growled Agent K in his ear.

Nick’s eyes flashed down to his watch, but of course, he couldn’t get the time from that. “Oh shit, is that now? Sorry, K, I’m comin’.” He flipped the phone shut before K could begin a lecture and shoved his sketchbook back under his mattress before scrambling out into the hall. He could say it was Pearl’s fault he couldn’t keep track of the time – how could he, with a watch that didn’t either?

When he reached the conference room across the hall from K’s office, they were already assembled – all of the Double-0 agents, from K down to Diamond, and a few others as well. He noticed Lancybassy perched next to Diamond, his legs crossed, and wondered with annoyance why his secretary hadn’t reminded him of this meeting on his way to it.

“Nice of you to join us, 008,” K said, with a sarcastic cock of the brow.

“00Carter,” Nick corrected automatically, taking the empty seat in between Diamond and Agent 007. “Hey Jim,” he greeted the latter out of the corner of his mouth, smirking when he saw the man’s posture stiffen. He knew the stuffy British import detested nicknames, which was why he thought it funny to call him by one. A sudden thought struck him: was that why K insisted on calling him 008 instead of 00Carter? He considered this, effectively tuning out the start of the meeting.

“As you know,” K said, “it’s been nearly three months since we lost Agent Chasez, which has left us short one Double-0.”

Instantly, Nick’s attention was snapped back to the present, as an uncomfortable regret gnawed at his stomach. He didn’t feel any guilt over JC’s death. It wasn’t like Drums’s accident – he hadn’t been there, hadn’t caused it any more than he could have stopped it. It was Drums who had thrown Shazam to his death, Drums and Drums alone. It was actually his lack of remorse that made Nick feel guilty. JC was dead, and Nick couldn’t say he missed him.

It was no secret that he’d thought Shazam was a prick. The two had been rivals, never friends. Not that Nick had ever wished death on him; no, he felt bad that JC had died, had been murdered so ruthlessly at the hands of a former friend. But he hadn’t exactly mourned for him either, and that made him feel worse. He should have felt something more than what he had, but the truth was, life had gone on at Himitsu Takana. Crime didn’t take time off for grief, and so, missions had continued without 006. Nick had been getting more assignments himself, now that there was one less agent to send into the field, and he couldn’t say he felt bad about that either.

“I’ve taken the liberty of choosing a replacement from our secondary agent force,” K went on, “and now that he’s had time to complete the necessary training, I’m happy to announce that Agent DiCaprio, code name Vitruvian, has achieved the rank of Double-0.”

All eyes shifted to a lanky man in the corner of the room, who stood, an awkward smile on his face, and gave a little wave of acknowledgment. Nick knew him as the former Agent 010, Leonardo DiCaprio. He was a couple of inches shorter than Nick, his hair a shade darker, but Nick felt suddenly intimidated by the way he noticed both Diamond and Lancy staring at him.

“Know why they call him ‘Vitruvian’?” Lancy whispered to Diamond. “’Cause he’s a fab-u-lous work of art!”

Nick instantly frowned, surveying DiCaprio again. He wasn’t that good-looking. He wasn’t even that toned. What did Lancy see in him? Wait, he thought suddenly, his frown deepening, I’m mad because Lancy’s finally hitting on someone besides me?? He shook his head, chuckling to himself.

A feminine giggle matched his own, and to his chagrin, Nick turned to see Diamond nodding, emphatic in her agreement with Lancy, seeming to undress DiCaprio with her sparkling eyes. Nick glared at her too.

“As the newest Double-0 agent, procedure dictates that Vitruvian should take the rank of 009. As follows, all other Double-0 agents will be promoted one rank, until-”

“Ahem.”

Everyone except Diamond and Lancy looked now to the dark-haired man on the other side of Nick, who had cleared his throat and raised a hand to protest. “Pardon me, Agent K, but I do believe I’ve already shared with you my objections in the matter of changing ranks. Might I remind you, I’ve held this number since my days in the Secret Intelligence Service, MI6, which, I might add, was decades before you took control of this organization.”

“Decades?” Diamond murmured to Nick, her attention finally dragged away from DiCaprio. “How old is he, anyway? He doesn’t look much older than K…”

“I’m telling you, the guy never ages; it’s creepy…” Nick whispered back, out of the other corner of his mouth.

K held up a hand in surrender, nodding. “My mistake. I stand corrected: Agent 007 prefers to keep his rank, rather than change numbers. That means, 008, you’ll take the rank of 006, and Diamond, you’ll be the new Agent 008.”

“Whoa, hold up a minute!” Nick jumped to his feet, rising to K’s height. “How come he gets to keep his rank, but not anybody else? I don’t want JC’s number! I wanna keep my own too.”

“I thought you hated to be called 008,” replied K, looking back at him levelly. There was a tiny hint of sarcasm behind his cool stare that seemed to confirm Nick’s earlier suspicions about K.

“I do, but… but it’s still my number!” Nick spluttered. “I’m not being 006.”

“Fine. Desiree, do you have a problem changing numbers?”

Diamond shrugged. “I’ve only been 009 since Drums left… I’m not exactly attached. I’ll switch to 006,” she said cheerfully, adding, as an afterthought, “Six is the degrees of separation between all celebrities, you know… mostly notably Kevin Bacon…”

“Ooh, I love that game!” Lancy squealed. “Here’s one: Brad Pitt was in ‘Troy’ – all bronze, buff, and battered, yum – with Orlando Bloom, who was in ‘Pirates’ with Johnny Depp – Captain Jack Sparrow, squee! – who was in “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” with… oh, what’s the name of that one kid who played the retarded brother? Oh poo… well, okay… Johnny dated Winona Ryder – ‘Winona Forever!’ – who was in ‘Mermaids’ with the one and only Cher, who was in ‘The Witches of Eastwick’ with Jack Nicholson, who was fabulously fierce in ‘A Few Good Men’ with none other than… ta-da! Kevin Bacon!”

“… and plus, then I’ll outrank Nick!” Diamond beamed. “By the way, Lancy, Brad was in ‘Sleepers’ with Kevin Bacon, so I can do that one in one degree!”

Lancy pouted. “Show-off.”

“Hey, wait!” Nick whined, catching what Diamond had said a few seconds earlier. “Diamond can’t out-”

“She can, and she will,” K cut him off before he could finish, shooting Nick his infamous no-nonsense look. “You passed on moving up the ranks, 008, so you’ll keep your number, and Diamond will be promoted to 006. That leaves Vitruvian to take on her rank of 009.”

Nick huffed, avoiding Diamond’s gloating smile. Well, at least he’d still outrank the other blonde Double-0.

Diamond stood up from her seat, giving Leo a wink as she offered him the chair. “You’re totally entitled to it, hon.” Her lips curved into a smile. Nick felt a tinge of jealousy as Leo smiled back. Diamond’s flirting smile was even worse than her gloating one. He felt his face twitch a little and smacked himself in the head so it would subside.

Only Lancy let out a little chuckle. Nick gave him a small glare before turning back to Diamond, who was theatrically moving to her new seat.

She gracefully lowered into the seat between Emerald and 007. She gave both a large smile before she pulled out her phone and began furiously texting.

Emerald leaned over Diamond’s shoulder curiously. “Lancy, I’ll miss you at the slacker end of the table. Don’t faint from how hot it is over there now. Semi-colon, parenthesis…” Emerald shook her head before taking Diamond’s phone out of her hands. “Don’t worry, you and your Blackberry Storm have officially spread the slack down the table.”

Diamond grabbed for the phone and whined a little, “I didn’t send the message…”

“I read it out loud. And he’s probably too busy suffering from heatstroke anyway.”

Lancy let out a girlish giggle, causing Leo to blush and Nick’s face to tense up once more.

Grasshopper leaned over to Emerald with a smile. “It is the young, after all, who replenish the earth like spring rain.”

Nick felt his face tingle as it twitched slightly. He hit himself in the forehead one more time before slamming his fist on the table. “If we could all stop fussing about Leonardo Di-Crapio for just two seconds, I have some important information!”

Lancy and Diamond turned to him abruptly. “Shoe sale at the mall?!”

“What?” Nick stopped dead in his train of thought. “I don’t buy shoes…. How many pairs of shoes do you guys need?”

Emerald shook her head. “Why do our staff meetings always turn into stories about mall escapades?”

Jay gave her a smirk and shrugged. “A man’s gotta buy shoes.”

“True. A man cannot live until he has walked a mile in his shoes.” Grasshopper nodded in agreement.

“I thought it was, ‘You don’t know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes’…,” Leo puzzled.

Nick shook his head. “Information… about disturbances in the Bermuda Triangle…”

“Like ‘Gilligan’s Island’?!” Diamond squealed.

Nick smirked slightly, pleased that he had distracted her attention away from Di-Crapio and back on himself.

“That’s in the Pacific Ocean.” Lancy shook his head. “Pop culture, Di.”

K raised his hand. “Enough. What sort of disturbances, Nick?”

“There’s a sub designed to look like a Kraken. On board are people dressed as pirates who are taking money and valuables from people on cruise ships.”

“What’s a Kraken?” Diamond puzzled.

“It’s a mythical sea monster,” Leo explained, at the same time as Nick replied, “It’s like a giant squid.”

Nick gave Leo a short glare before continuing, “Anyway, they figure that since it’s in the Bermuda Triangle, then everyone will think the survivors are crazy.”

“And giant squids don’t usually come to the surface.” Leo smiled.

“They can.”

“But they don’t usually.”

“But—”

“Enough.” K raised his hand once more. “Nick, where did you get this tip from?”

Nick lowered his head slightly. “A contact.”

K gave Nick a quick once-over, followed by a meaningful glance at Jay. K then returned Nick a disapproving look.

Nick lowered his head a little more. That was definitely an “I don’t approve of you hanging around club singers with dangerous pasts” look.

“Pirates?” Emerald rolled her eyes. “We’re supposed to be world agents, not pirate police.”

“But pirates are outside of any country’s jurisdiction!” Nick jumped from his seat, knocking his chair back in the process.

“In the Bermuda Triangle...” Jay paused and turned to K.

Nick rustled his hand through his hair as Jay and K exchanged another silent glance. It said a million words, but he immediately caught the main topic of their conversation. FANS…

Nick slammed his hand on the table. “We definitely have to go!”

“008…” K started as he laced his fingers and placed his chin on them.

“A man’s hunch…” Grasshopper began.

K let out a sigh. “What do you propose, 008?”

“We should pose as pirates and get on that ship.”

“And who’s ‘we’?” Jay mused.

“Well, you sort of look like a pirate… and I have the tip, so I have insider information…” A small smirk formed on his lips. “And Di would look great as a pirate wench.”

Diamond let out a laugh as she typed on her screen. “I would look good as anything.”

“You’re picking agents based on appearances and not on skill?” 007 shook his head slightly. “You need more training, 008.”

“We’re all skilled!” Nick crossed his arms. He really just wanted to get Diamond away from Di-Crapio and back on missions with him, where she belonged.

K glared at Nick. “Sit down.”

Nick picked his chair up from the ground and sat back in it.

“I think it would be best to send 003, 005, and 008,” K finally responded.

“But—” Nick started to protest.

K stood from his chair. “Leave as soon as you can. Meeting adjourned.”

Nick clenched his hand into a fist. “Well, this is really irritating…”

“Don’t worry.” Leo gave him a smile. “I’ll keep Di-Di entertained for you.” Nick gave Leo a glare as he watched him turn to Diamond. “Hey, Di-Di, want to celebrate my promotion with drinks?”

“You know I’m always up for a good drink.” Diamond smiled.

Nick gave Leo another glare. Preying on Di’s hobbies like that…

Leo smiled. “Meet you downstairs in an hour and a half?”

“How’d you know?” she giggled.

Leo left the room, and Diamond put her hand on Nick’s shoulder. “Sorry about the mission, Nick. We’ll go out when you get back, okay?”

“Fine…”

Diamond gave him a kiss on the forehead before running over to Lancy and linking arms with him. “Let’s plan the perfect outfit, Lancy!”

“You’ll be a more fab-u-lous work of art than Vitruvian!”

“I can be his Mona Lisa,” Diamond giggled.

Nick grumbled to himself. “Fuck this shit.”


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
Nick wasn't happy as he headed off to his room. No, he wasn't happy at all. He couldn't believe that stupid Di-Crapio! "Work of art..." he muttered with disdain. "More like a kid’s stick doodle." He continued up the corridor, needing to grab a couple of things.

He walked in the room and immediately reached for the PSP Pearl had upgraded for him. Not only would he be entertained on the certain boat ride he would have to endure, but the device contained some handy weaponry, too. Since Disney, lots of new technology had been churned out, of course a result of Pearl being the one to have seen JC die. Nick still wished he could feel remorse for the man, but he didn't. He just wished he had gotten Drums before it came to that. The thought floated through his mind for only a moment before it refocused on the true matter at hand. The new 009.

Grabbing his favorite guns from where they hung on his wall, Nick rolled his eyes. Where did that Leo get off anyway? What the hell was with that stupid nickname? Di-Di? Was he serious? It made him want to vomit. On him, preferably. Just before his date with Diamond. Who should be with Nick on this mission. Instead, he was stuck with Avril.

"Fucking figures."

"Are you ready yet? We ain't waiting for your ass all day, Carter." Speak of the she-devil.

"Damn, I don't even get fifteen to prep?"

"No, Jay said K wants us on the jet immediately."

"Where are we meeting the boat at?" He knew they'd be taking the HimTak speedboat used for such occasions. Upgraded and more advanced than any typical speedboat, obviously.

"Fucking Florida... again."

"Fine, let’s go. Maybe we can drop your ass off in Canada on the way there. Not even the US government should be punished by having you be a citizen."

"Oh, go find a blow-up doll and get over it."

He really hated today.


± ± ±


He was really loving the day after. They had gotten to Florida late the previous evening, and Jay had made the executive decision to hit the ocean at daybreak. The view was breathtaking, as the sun gently rose to greet the three sitting in the boat, with no sounds but the soothing waves.

Nick had always loved the ocean. It was so tempestuous, and it was never predictable. Yet the ocean didn’t change suddenly; it remained true to its nature, which was wild and, he supposed, somewhat angsty, as nature tended to be. The ocean was exactly what it seemed. Wild and free. Nick had felt connected to it since he was little. When he was younger, it would be Nick, his older sister Jessica, and their little brother Aaron holding hands as they walked to the beach from their little house in Florida.

But that was then. Yet, his love for the waters had never wavered and kept his spirits up, despite the resurgence of a painful memory.

"This is bullshit. I'm stuck in a boat with Blunder Boy, out to try and take down pirates..." Emerald had had enough with the crazy missions. Let those be for Carter. They even had pirate costumes in the back of the boat for when they approached their destination. No one had to drive; it did have an auto-piloting system, of course.

"Go overboard then, for all I care."

"Why don't I toss you there?"

"Guys..." Jay interceded, having heard this type of talk since they had first stepped on the jet to begin with. "Save it."

Nick smiled; he couldn't help it. He loved the beauty of the sea. "I'm good – we're sailing to..." An impish look came into his eyes as his smile morphed into a smirk. "...Bermuda... Bahama..." he began to sing.

Jay couldn't help but chuckle. Then he decided to join in, himself. It was so nice around them, it was easy to forget the fact that they were on a serious mission and just enjoy the ride. "… Come on, pretty mama..." He smirked and leaned over to Emerald, giving her a flirtatious kiss on her cheek, which landed dangerously close to her lips.

"You've got to be shitting me." She kept her small grin at Jay hidden. Emerald was not going to actually join in on this stupidity.

"Key Largo, Montego... baby, why don't we go... Jamaica..."

Agent McLean held his arms out widely and in a dramatic fashion. "Off the Florida Keeeeeeeeys... there's a place called Kokomo..."

The two even began harmonizing the classic Beach Boys song together as they continued to sing the lyrics. On key, no less. Who knew 003 could sing so well? Nick drummed out the beat in perfect rhythm on the wall of the boat, in the fashion of bongo drums. Did K want Emerald to suffer? She was starting to think he did...

"Aruba, Jamaica..."

"Oooh, I wanna take ya to Bermuda..."

"Bahama…" Jay lowered his voice to the deep bass and lowered his sunglasses to really give Emerald a seductive look. "Come on, pretty mama..."

"Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go..."

"Oooh, I wanna take you down to Kokomo..."

K owed her. Big time. And he was definitely going to know it when they got back.

"Aruba, Jamaica..."

"Oooh, I wanna take ya to Bermuda..."

"Bahama..."

As long as she didn't kill them first. She wasn't making any promises.


± ± ±


Back and forth, the dark-haired man paced inside the all-too-small room in which he’d been hiding since his defeat by HimTak yet again at Disney World.

“Things will be different this time.” Dr. Rough unconsciously pet his favorite underling, Dr. Twitches. He held onto his little friend so tight that the animal’s claws started digging into the “doctor’s” tanned arms in protest. Dr. Rough didn’t care; it was comforting to feel his little claws dig in. At least he had a constant reminder that his friend was with him. After losing him in his attempt to take over Disney World and use its power for his own, he wasn’t taking any chances at losing his pet again. A harness encircled the body of Dr. Twitches; the leash wrapped several times around Dr. Rough’s arm. The ferret protested this harness and leash, but Dr. Rough found it absolutely necessary, especially while they were out at sea.

“Ah, Dr. Twitches, my faithful companion…” Dr. Rough held him tighter to emphasize “faithful.” “My new plan will not be as easily foiled by 00Carter and those fool agents at HimTak. We have already… I should say, Drums has already struck them a blow from which they will not easily recover. The loss of such a beloved agent,” Dr. Rough whined, “will be hard to forget. But I have already moved to replace him, and soon I will know all. I will know when HimTak will move to strike against me. I will know when they are on to my scheme and how to avoid their attack. There is no way my plans will fail now! And, oh, my next plan…” His cackle turned to almost a giggle before he could catch himself and continue his mini-monologue to no one in particular.

“Oh Canada…” Howie began to sing to himself. “How thee is … underestimated…” he sang. Petting Dr. Twitches calmly, he added, “and that shall fall into my plans perfectly.

“And Dr. Twitches, I can’t tell you enough about this agent I have found to play both sides.” Carefully, so as not to crush his friend, Dr. Rough jumped on the bed and kicked his feet up, locking them at the ankle, much like a teenage girl dreaming about the cute boys in the band The Backalley Boys. “He is just too perfect; I don’t know how I ever managed to find this one. Where has he been hiding all this time? Such evil in him that I have only seen in one other person, besides myself, to this point… but we all know Drums would never be able to infiltrate HimTak. No, they all know him too well. But this guy… oh, they will never see this coming.” Dr. Rough could feel a chuckle brewing in his chest, but before he could let it out, the sound from the television set across the room brought him back to the present.

Sitting up on the bed, he found the remote and turned up the television. A lanky reporter, dressed very well (and not too bad on the eyes, Dr. Rough admired), appeared on the screen, standing in front of some docks.

“Tales from the survivors of the recently destroyed cruise liners, the Mariner and the AbsoluteChaos, of a giant sea monster emerging from the ocean near the Bermuda Triangle, have the Coast Guard on extra security sweeps. Perhaps, what is more terrifying than what is being described as a giant squid-like creature, are the tales of ghostly pirates raiding the ship shortly after the monster’s appearance. Several prominent patrons of the cruise liners lost valuable items during these raids, as well as their lives. Out of the hundreds that disembarked on these two ships, only handfuls have returned to shore safely.

“The Coast Guard is baffled about this mystery, but is adamant that they will find out who or what is behind these attacks and put a stop to them. When asked about the giant monster claims, they had no more comments.

“One local man did, however, have plenty to comment on when it came to the claims of the giant squid.”


The screen panned out, and the reporter was shown with a man decked out in large fishing rubbers, hooks of all size dangling from his clothing. A fishing hat was perched on his head, the flap flipped upwards, casting a glare back towards the camera. In his right hand were two large hooks, connected to normal-size fishing rods. His left hand held the largest fishing net anyone could buy.

“I am here with a gentleman who goes by the name Captain Nemo,” the lovely, red-haired reporter continued. “Captain, you are claiming that the reports of the giant sea squid should not be taken lightly.”

“Well now, ma’am, this here squid’s evil incarn-ate and needs to be killed dead. I’s the right person for that job.”

“And how do you plan on catching this monster, Captain?”

“Well, sees, there’s my ship.”
He pointed over to a dilapidated boat anchored in the farthest dock from the camera. “That’s the Nautilus, and she and I have seen some nasty things. We are pre-pared, ma’am. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have me a squid to hunt.” Without another word, the man set off towards his boat. The camera panned back to the reporter, who had a baffled look on her face.

“At that, this is Lorena Lee for Channel 5 News.” An uncomfortable giggle could be heard before the reporters in the studio begin to babble again.

Petting Dr. Twitches in a most calming and satisfying way, Dr. Rough turned his attention away from the television screen and out his window, towards the wide, open ocean, a sinister grin creeping onto his face.


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
“Giant squid!” Nick shouted, sounding a bit surprised.

“Keep it down, will you?” Emerald rolled her eyes and smacked Nick in the shoulder.

But it was true. A giant squid hovered directly in their path… or at least, something that looked like a squid. Its eyes gleamed in the sunset; in fact, they were almost blinding.

Nick shielded his eyes. “What do we do now?”

Jay switched off the motor on the boat. The three sat in silence for a few moments. “We obviously have to get on the ship.”

Nick cracked his knuckles. “Great. Another five minutes on this boat, and we can get away from the blinding mirrors.”

“Five minutes won’t do it.” Jay shook his head. “We’ll need twenty minutes at least.”

“This boat has a motor; just speed over there and get it on with.” Nick shook his head. “This is ridiculous.”

“This is your mission, 00Carter.” Emerald rolled her eyes. “Don’t you think it would be incredibly moronic to just waltz on over there in a speed boat?”

Nick crossed his arms. “No.”

“Fuck this.” Emerald shook her head.

“So, are we going to swim?” Nick proceeded, “You know, I’m a first class swimmer, and I could probably get there in—”

“We know,” Jay stopped him. “And fortunately for the rest of us, we have a dinghy.”

“Your smoker’s lungs can’t handle the swim, Jay?” Nick smirked.

“More like my aging body can’t handle it.” He laughed.

“Your twenty-eight year-old body can’t handle a swim…” Nick’s face blanked for a moment.

Agent Jay removed the dinghy from a storage compartment on the side of the boat. It lay in a crumpled heap of red and black plastic.

“So who’s going to blow it up?” Jay paused with a smirk.

“Why can’t you blow it up?” Nick rolled his eyes.

“Smoker’s lungs.” Jay coughed. “Have at it, 00Carter.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Nick mumbled. “Emerald, you’re pretty good at blowing things, right?”

Emerald crossed her arms. “What was K thinking, sending me along? This is the perfect job for Diamond.”

Nick rolled his eyes one more time. Damn Emerald for catching on to his jab so quickly and sending one right back.

Jay shook his head. “And you were getting along so well recently.” He fumbled through the pile of plastic and pulled a cord.

The inflatable boat instantly sprang to life.

“It’s like a parachute…” Nick muttered.

“Did you really think Pearl would leave us stranded with a blow-up dinghy?” Jay shook his head. “This is Pearl we’re talking about.” He then pushed the dinghy over the side of the boat. It landed in the water with a small splash. “Jump in, kids.”

“This isn’t summer vacation, Jay.” Emerald shook her head as she hoisted herself over the edge of the speed boat and into the dinghy.

Nick stared over the side.

“After you, Carter,” Jay prodded.

“Your smoker’s lungs probably require a bit more air and time to get over the side than you think.” Nick laughed.

“Get in the damn boat.”

Nick stiffened a little. It seemed like easygoing Jay’s patience was wearing thin. He hopped over the side and landed in the boat with a squeak from the plastic.

“If you pop this boat, so help me God, I will fucking kill you, Carter.”

“We probably have like ten of them in here, Avril.”

“Twenty, actually,” Jay mused as he fiddled with the controls on the speedboat.

“Jay, hurry up; it’s fucking dark.” Emerald crossed her arms as she settled into the dinghy.

Jay pushed one last button before grabbing a small sack and tossing it over the edge into the dinghy. He then turned back to the control panel one last time.

“Did we forget something?” Nick asked.

“Nope, five seconds left.” Jay answered as he hopped into the boat.

“Five seconds left for what?” Emerald asked cautiously as she eyed the dinghy, looking for any water leaks.

It was at that moment that the ship turned one hundred eighty degrees and headed back the way they had come.

“Auto-pilot. Great invention, isn’t it?” Jay smirked.

Nick folded his arms and placed them behind his head as he leaned back and relaxed a little. “Nothing to do with the next twenty minutes but sleep, I guess…”

“You sleep?” Jay gave him a small grin. “I had no idea you did that, what with all the world-saving, since you are HimTak’s top agent.”

Emerald burst into laughter. “And when he could be sleeping, he seduces Diamond.”

Jay laughed with her.

“But I guess he’s sleeping now, since the new 009 is currently seducing 00Carter’s higher-ranking better half.” Emerald snickered a little as Nick shot up instantly.

“Avril!” he started with a shout.

“Was that too far?” Emerald mused.

“A little.” Jay smirked.

Nick folded his arms. Fucking Leo Di-Crapio; he even came up on the mission he wasn’t even on! Why was everyone so fucking obsessed with him? Shitballs!

Emerald stared at Jay nonchalantly. “You know, Nick was right… you do sort of look like a Johnny Depp wannabe.”

“Trust me, I looked like this first. Johnny Depp wants to be me,” Jay mused.

Nick sat cross-legged and put his hands in his lap. “We could spend the next twenty minutes coming up with pirate names.”

“Sure.” Jay shrugged as he started rowing toward the Kraken. “May as well start now.”

“I wanna be Jack Sparrow!” Nick exclaimed.

“Jay’s the one that looks like Johnny Depp.” Emerald crossed her arms.

“Once again, Johnny Depp looks like me.” He turned to Nick. “I think you’d make a great Smee…”

“Who?”

“You know, from Peter Pan?”

“You mean Emerald?”

“I mean you.”

“Fuck that, I’ve had enough Disney to last me a lifetime!”

“I’d had enough Disney long before that.” Emerald nodded in agreement. “But a bumbling Smee sounds good for you.”

“I wanna be captain!” Nick whined.

“Well, since I’m 003, I think that automatically makes me captain.” Jay paused. “Captain Jack Sparrow… No, Captain Jack Daniels.”

“But Jay, that’s an alcohol…” Nick started.

“Hey, I don’t drink it anymore. At least let it be my name!” Jay pleaded teasingly.

“I guess that makes me Absinthe the Wench then,” Emerald laughed.

“Why Absinthe?” Nick cocked his head.

“Emerald Ecstasy… The green fairy…” Emerald shook her head. “Plus, Jay’s name is an alcohol anyway, so it’s only fitting.”

“I wanna be Blackbeard!”

“You don’t have a black beard…” Jay laughed.

“Fine! Blondebeard!”

“You don’t even have a blonde beard,” Emerald laughed with Jay.

“What is this, ‘Make Fun of Nick’s Pirate Names’ Day?”

“Dude, you don’t have a beard,” Jay emphasized.

“Well, unlike some agents, I don’t wanna look like a grizzly.”

“I’m a real man. I don’t shave, and definitely not my chest hair… like one certain agent in this boat.”

Emerald began cracking up at Jay’s obvious cracks at Nick. He deserved it every now and again.

“I don’t shave my chest hair!”

“That’s because you don’t have chest hair to shave.” Emerald couldn’t help but get another crack in at Nick’s expense.

Nick scooted into the corner and fumed as he pouted.

“Well, this is going to be a long trip.” Jay chuckled a little before tossing the sack he’d grabbed in Emerald and Nick’s direction. “May as well put on your costumes now.

Emerald dug through the sack and produced a green dress. “How’d you know?” She rolled her eyes.

“Emerald Ecstasy… green… It’s only fitting,” Jay answered with a chuckle.

“So what do we know about the sub?” Nick asked, ignoring the sack with outfits.

“It looks like a Kraken?” Jay shrugged as he continued rowing.

Nick fumbled in his pocket for his heat-sensing Ray Bans. He found them surprisingly quickly and slid them on his face.

“It’s a little dark for sunglasses, don’t you think?” Jay let out a chuckle.

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” Nick replied as he rolled his eyes and pushed the button on the rim of the glasses.

Several human forms appeared from within the sub. Nick examined what little of the sub he could see beneath the water as well, before turning off the heat sensor and sliding the glasses up into his hair. They rested carefully on his head.

“Well, from what I can tell, the body serves as the main hub, since there’s a lot of people inside it.”

“Makes sense.” Jay nodded.

“And since the eyes were so blinding, they’re obviously tinted-mirror windows… That would help create the illusion of a giant squid, especially at night.”

“And what are the tentacles for?” Emerald asked.

“I don’t know…” Nick paused. “Movement… maybe missiles? Can’t really tell for sure until the thing leaves one place…”

“Well, then...” Jay started. “Arg, mateys, this vessel be ready for boardin’.”

Emerald stared up at Jay. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Well, yeah.” Jay laughed. “Get your costume on, 008!”

“Oh, you’re one to talk.” Nick rolled his eyes.

“Would you speak to your captain that way in a normal setting?”

“Agents K and Jay? Do it all the time.”

“You can’t win with him.” Emerald laughed.

“I know that.” Jay shook his head and tossed Nick’s costume at him. “Let’s board this ship and get this over with so we can go back to HimTak.”

Nick smirked. “Sounds good to me.”


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
A young woman stood at the railing of a cruise ship, the wind blowing gently through her auburn hair as she looked out at the tossing of the waves. “I’m flying…” she whispered to herself before she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and a light kiss on her cheek.

“Hello there,” she smiled as she turned around to kiss him back. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Yeah, well, I would’ve been here quicker, but, to tell you the truth, I spotted this gorgeous girl across the room earlier, and I just had to see her.” He smirked.

“Oh, really… and what did this girl look like?”

“Hmm, well, she had reddish-brown hair, and these bluish-green eyes that just totally knocked me out.”

“I see…” She smiled, eyes sparkling, as she looked back at him before turning herself around. “And what exactly did you and this beautiful mystery girl do?” She wrapped her arms around his neck as she waited expectantly.

“Oh, we didn’t do much…” he trailed off, as their faces drew closer and closer. “We did a bit of this for a while…” He leaned in and kissed her, while pulling a small box out of his pocket. “And now, I’m getting ready to give her this.” He handed her the box, and she gasped as she slowly took it from him and opened it. Inside was the most amazing necklace, a large, heart-shaped blue diamond pendant necklace encrusted with white diamonds. “The Heart of the Ocean, the only necklace worthy of the girl who owns my heart. You make me feel like I’m king of the world.”

“But… I thought they said this was lost at sea when the ship sank?” she asked breathlessly.

“Well, baby, I went down and got it for you.” He smiled. She pulled him into another kiss, just as fog started to roll in.

“What the-“ he started, looking around at the grayness now surrounding his girlfriend and him. “Where did this fog come from?”

“I don’t know, Joe,” she said, pulling Joe closer, “but I don’t like it…”

“Don’t worry, Lilly,” Joe replied, as he protectively wrapped his arms around her. “I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Just then, they heard the sounds of someone running, and finally, a tall man with a long, brown beard and brown hair came running up to them, shouting, “SEA MONSTER, STRAIGHT AHEAD!”

Lilly and Joe screamed as the boat shook suddenly, and it felt as though something had appeared alongside the cruise ship. They moved back and scrambled to find the door they both remembered seeing nearby, while the tall man ran over to the railing and saw a large creature attaching itself to the ship and crawling up along the side with its long tentacles.

“Hello, beastie.” He smiled at the creature, moments before one of its large tentacles swung up and sent him flying across the ship. He pulled out a flask from his pocket and took a swig as he shouted, “AT LEAST I HAVE MY RUUUUMMMM!” Lilly and Joe cringed as they heard the loud crash his body made on the other side of the ship.

Their attention was soon grabbed again by the sight of large tentacles slamming down onto the deck. Then, to their horror, a massive, sickly green figure rose up out of the water, its enormous black eyes staring them down menacingly before tilting back to reveal a large opening filled with rows and rows of sharp, knifelike teeth. Lilly and Joe ran for their lives, still blindly searching for the door back to the cabin area. Meanwhile, the mouth of the Kraken swung open with a mechanical hiss, and a large group of men dressed as pirates poured out onto the deck of the cruise ship.

“Gents,” the pirate in the really big hat said, “take a walk.” He grinned as he watched his crew slink away in different directions, all in search of their targets.

Two of the pirates, a tall one with scraggly, dirty blonde hair and a shorter one whose stringy brown hair was balding, managed to find Lilly and Joe as they desperately continued their search for the door they felt would lead them to safety. The pirates crept up on them, and Lily screamed as one of them came into her line of vision.

“Hello, Poppet…” the short, bald pirate said to her, as he reached to snatch her necklace. Joe shoved him away from her and punched him in the face. Suddenly, Joe found himself in a struggle with both pirates, as Lilly backed towards the railing, horrorstruck at the scene before her.

“Lilly!” Joe shouted as he punched one of the pirates. “Go on! Grab a lifesaver and jump!”

“No!” Lilly cried. “Not without you!”

“I’ll be alright! Listen, I’ll be fine – I’m a survivor, alright? Don’t worry about me. Now go on – just jump, and you’ll be safe.” He nodded at his love before she obeyed his wishes and jumped, clinging tightly to the lifesaver with one hand and caressing the beautiful necklace hanging over her heart with the other.


± ± ±


“Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me,” Nick sang, as he, Jay, and Emerald floated along in their dinghy. “We pillage and plunder, we rifle and loot, drink up me hearties, yo- OW!” Nick yelped as he got hit in the head with a mysterious object. Jay caught the object as it bounced off of the back of Nick’s head and identified it as a flask. He shook the flask to try and estimate the contents, then opened it up and turned it upside-down.

“Bloody empty,” he grumbled as he tossed the small flask over his shoulder.

“Hey, be careful not to throw that overboard!” Emerald exclaimed. “It’s obviously a lucky flask – it got Carter to shut the hell up!”

“Bite me, wench!” Nick snapped as Emerald stuck out her tongue at him and flipped him off.

“Shut up, you two, so we can check out what’s going on over there,” Jay said, pointing over Nick’s shoulder. They had watched as a strange, thick fog engulfed the cruise ship they’d spotted in the distance, perhaps a quarter of a mile away from where they drifted. They maneuvered the dinghy closer and saw that the Kraken was climbing up the side of the cruise ship.

“Shitballs…” Nick murmured, eyes wide with a mix of fascination and horror.

They watched as the pirates wandered the ship, losing sight of most of them, as the fog was too thick for them to see any farther. However, they did witness two of the pirates corner an innocent couple and attack them, watching as the young woman grabbed a life preserver and jumped overboard.

“We need to move closer!” Emerald shouted. Jay and Nick nodded, and they rowed as close as they could safely get to the girl, who was unknowingly making her way towards them. They flagged her down and managed to pull her aboard their dinghy.

“Oh, thank god…” the girl choked, coughing up some water. “I was out on the deck of the ship with my boyfriend when, all of a sudden, there was this fog, and then this big monster came and killed this poor man, and then these pirates tried to-” She blurted this all in one breath before Emerald calmed her down.

“It’s alright, you’re safe now,” Emerald told her.

“Now we need to get you out of here,” Jay said, looking over at her as she shivered.

“No!” the girl cried. “I have to wait for my boyfriend, Joe! He- he promised he’d find me.”

Jay sighed, opening his mouth to speak before he was interrupted by a loud, booming sound. The girl cried as the fog cleared. They saw pieces of the ship floating around two, large chunks of it that were slowly sinking. “JOE!!” she screamed and tried to leap off of the dinghy, stopped only by Emerald and Nick grabbing hold of her and calming her down again.

“I’m sorry for your loss, but we need to get you to safety,” Jay repeated as the girl curled up into a ball in the middle of the dinghy and cried. He took out his phone and dialed a number. “Hey, Pearl, can you lock onto our coordinates and get someone to send a rescue team?” He paused to let Pearl respond. “We have at least one survivor; she’ll be waiting here for the search party. We need to catch up to the Kraken before it gets away.” He paused again. “Thanks, Pearl,” he said, telling her goodbye before he hung up.

Emerald inflated one of the spare dinghies while Jay was on the phone with Pearl, and she and Nick climbed in and sat on opposite sides.

“Okay, we have to leave you now…” Jay trailed off, realizing he never got her name.

“Lawson. Lilly Lawson,” she replied quietly.

“Right, Lilly.” Jay nodded and smiled at her. “Lilly, we have to go hunt down those pirates now. Help is on the way to you. Just promise you’ll stay here so they can find you. Can you do that, Lilly?” Jay asked her. She nodded silently, tears streaming down her wet cheeks.

Jay climbed into the dinghy, and he, Emerald, and Nick paddled along past the ship’s wreckage. Jay sighed as he looked back at Lilly and saw her take off her necklace and drop it ceremoniously into the ocean. “I’ll never let go, Joe,” he heard her murmur. “I’ll never let go…”

As they floated past the wreckage, Jay read aloud the name of the ship he saw prominently featured on a large piece of the hull floating on the surface of the water. “The S.S. Gigantic…”

Nick snickered. “Overcompensating there, matey?”

Emerald rolled her eyes. “You’d know all about that, huh, Carter? Oops, I mean Blondebeard.”

Jay laughed as Nick pouted, but soon his amusement was drained, as Emerald and Nick continued to bicker until they’d finally found the Kraken once again.


± ± ±


Dr. Rough looked up at the black flag flying overhead and grinned. Two swords crossed with the skull of his ever-loving friend, Dr. Twitches, in the middle, and it was perfect. He didn’t know why he hadn’t been able to come up with this idea on his own, but at least he wasn’t too proud to go to the Bermuda Triangle and take over this little operation for himself. Every plan of his needed funding, and this was such an ingenious way to come up with it.

The best part was, nobody, except crazy Captain Nemo, believed the survivors of the alleged attacks by pirates and sea monsters. He, of course, had known better than to dismiss the claims and had gathered his agents and a sizable amount of extra henchmen to accompany him to the Bermuda Triangle.

“Yo ho… yo ho… yo ho, yo ho, yo ho…”

The sound of singing brought Dr. Rough back to reality. Cocking his head, he listened to the hushed tones of his sailors. He was sure they were afraid that if he heard them, he would make them walk the plank.

“So... try the life of a villain;
Just sample the thrill of a killin'.
There isn't a boy
Who won't enjoy
A-workin' for Doctor Rough…
The world’s just not enough.

“Villian-thrillin', chillin', blood-spillin'!
HimTak is after Doctor-”


Smirking to himself, Dr. Rough thought them very wise to add his name into the song. What better way to show their absolute adoration of their captain than to sing about him in a catchy tune? Though the mention of HimTak made him scowl, he knew this time, they would not be able to stop him, and if they did, well… his ultimate master plan was bound to be a success. Taken by the crew’s love for him, Dr. Rough opened his mouth and belted:

“As our mission is special today,
I'll tell you what’ll happen.
All those who fight without delay,
You'll get your blood a-tappin'.
Why, you will find your own dark side.
C'mon, join in, enjoy the ride!
If you betray, you'll walk the plank!
The choice is up to you!
The choice is up to you!”


Together, the crew and Dr. Rough began to sing the chorus. Feeling the sudden compulsion to jig, the minions arranged themselves in two lines, facing each other, and raised their right arms, skipping across and circling each other as they sang.

“Yo ho… yo ho… yo ho, yo ho, yo ho…
You'll love the life of minions!
You'll relish the life of evil!
There's barrels of fun for everyone,
And you'll get treasures by the ton!
So come and show you're tough…
Join up with Doctor Rough!”


The crew and Dr. Rough shouted the last line together and collapsed onto the deck in a fit of giggles.

“Dr. Rough, we comin’ up on the area.” Drums approached him, glancing around at everyone lying on the deck. Uncomfortable coughs could be heard from the crew as they started to stand and get back to work. Drums himself looked pissed off in his pirate get-up, and the eye patch he’d started to wear over his mechanical eye had not lasted long. It was now floating out towards the Bermuda Triangle, right alongside the boat.

“Don’t call me that!” Dr. Rough yelled at his first mate. “You know very well that you are to address me as ‘O Captain, my Captain.’”

“My Captain…” Drums started.

“NO, the entire thing!” Rough shouted like a spoiled five-year-old.

“O Captain, my Captain, we comin’ up on the area,” Drums grumbled.

“Bring me my monocular!” Dr. Rough bellowed to his henchman. Donnie responded, bringing over his gold monocular, which Dr. Rough expanded to view the scene out on the ocean in front of him. “I don’t understand how anyone used to see out of these things. I can’t make anything out!” he protested in frustration.

Drums turned to face the scene in front of them and scanned the area with his mechanical eye. “Looks like the monster be attackin’ another cruise ship, yo Captain, my Captain.”

“Move the Jolly Twitches into attack position!” Dr. Rough almost lost his balance as the ship turned to move in the direction of the Kraken and the cruise liner. It was a good thing he still had Twitches on a leash.

The ship turned to face the ongoing attack, the change in wind forcing the large feather atop Dr. Rough’s hat to blow in his face. If anyone on the cruise ship or the other pirate vessel had happened to look in the general direction of the approaching ship, it would have been very hard not to notice a rather short-looking fellow fighting with the feather on his hat, giving up, throwing it on the ground, and stomping on it.


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
Nick, Jay, and Emerald had finally boarded the Kraken and were searching for the control room of the ship. They eventually came upon a large room, packed with monitoring equipment being operated by several muscular men dressed as pirates. One man walked around the room and occasionally glanced at the screens being watched by his subordinates.

Nick and Jay stood on one side of the doorway, while Emerald stood on the other, as they peered into the room to observe the surroundings before deciding on a further plan of action.

Suddenly, one of the machines beeped, and the pirate sitting behind it typed feverishly for a few seconds. “SHIP HO!” he screamed.

“Will you please stop talking like that while we’re on the ship?” the head pirate said, hitting the other one over the head. “You sound like an idiot.”

“Sorry, sir,” the other pirate said sheepishly, clearing his throat. “There’s a ship approximately half a mile away, sir. It’s not a cruise ship, but I really think you should take a look at this one.”

“Is that a… ferret on their flag?!” the head pirate exclaimed, getting as close to the screen as he could to view the flag flying from the topmost mast of the ship.

“That’s what it looks like…” the other pirate replied, typing and clicking again until the ship was in better view on a bigger screen mounted on the far end of the room. All of the pirates in the room were now looking at the larger screen. “It looks like it’s loaded with some pretty sophisticated weapons.”

The head pirate nodded. “A ship like that could really help our operation.”

“Aye,” another pirate said, “and a ship that fine should be flyin’ the Jolly Roger!” He scoffed. “The captain of that ship must be one landlubbin’, barnacle-brained sea monkey to be sailin’ under a ferret flag.”

The head pirate put his head in his hand and sighed, annoyed, once again, with the pirate-speak. He walked closer to the big screen and kept his gaze on the ship being watched. “You, you, and you – alert the rest of the crew that we’re preparing to board another ship, but make sure they don’t load any torpedoes. This one’s for keeps.”

The pirates who were pointed to simply nodded and left to alert their crewmates, while the others remained behind to continue their surveillance. Jay, Emerald, and Nick immediately moved away from the doors and pretended to be walking by as the pirates approached them.

“Hey, you three!” one of the pirates called, as the agents began to walk in the opposite direction. “Gear up, we’re going topside to raid another ship.” Jay, Emerald, and Nick nodded and turned around again, walking around the corner and waiting until the pirates were out of sight.

“You heard them, we’re going topside…” Jay said, as they once again stood outside the surveillance room door.

“Finally, something to do besides sitting around…” Emerald said.

Ten minutes later, they were standing among the crowd of pirates, waiting for the Kraken to dock alongside their target ship. The pirates had armed themselves with swords, antique pistols, and bayonets. The Kraken jolted slightly as the tentacles attached to the side of the ship and propelled them upwards until the mouth of the Kraken was level with the top deck. Emerald looked out one of the large windows and saw the words THE JOLLY TWITCHES painted in black lettering.

The door opened with a quiet, mechanical hiss, and the pirates stepped out, ready to scare and raid the tourists they thought were on board.

What they found were about two dozen men, also dressed as pirates, also angry, and also ready to fight. The pirates drew their swords and raised their pistols, screaming as they charged at the ship’s crew, who also pulled out weapons and screamed as they fought.

Nick, Jay, and Emerald, figuring they should probably do something to at least look like they fit in with one side or the other, joined the fight and swung at, hit, kicked, and stabbed anyone who came at them.

As Nick punched a pirate in the face, he realized he recognized some of the men he was knocking out. He grabbed one of them by the collar and lifted him up off his feet. “Hey, I know you! Didn’t we sing a musical number together at Disney World a few months ago?”

The scrawny man nodded, and Nick threw him overboard, before charging at another pirate and kicking him in the stomach.

“Carter!” Emerald shouted, as she knocked one of the pirates over the head with his own pistol. “Quit socializing with the pirates!”

“But I’m setting up a blind date for you, Em!” Nick replied as he ducked, letting two pirates collide with each other as they tried to charge at him at the same time. The scrawny pirate had given Nick all the confirmation he needed to know that the ship they were on was being operated by FANS.


± ± ±


Meanwhile, Dr. Rough watched the scene from his place on the upper deck at the stern of the ship. He grinned, his eye twitching with excitement, while he watched his minions fight the very pirates he’d been planning to capture.

Although it looked as though his plan was out of sorts because of this new development, he couldn’t have been more satisfied with it. Now his faithful minions would subdue the pirates, and he could not only take over their ship, but imprison them in his servitude.


± ± ±


Nick looked up at the poop deck, where there stood a short, yet fearsome man.

Dr. Rough.

His presence meant FANS had come to try to get in on this plan. FANS... That meant Drums was there. Nick’s jaw set in determination. He now knew his next move.

He had to find Drums.


± ± ±


In the midst of the mayhem, Agent Jay looked up. He looked past the crew of aspiring pirates who had swarmed the deck, brandishing swords, daggers, and cutlasses. He looked through the legions of FANS minions who had engaged the former in novice swordplay with weapons of their own. He looked beyond it all, and his eyes fixed upon the man who was swaggering down from the poop deck.

The high heels of the man’s meticulously-polished boots clacked loudly against the wooden steps, making him appear taller than Jay knew he really was. He wore a flamboyant waistcoat made of purple velvet and a wide-brimmed hat adorned with an oversized plume, which flopped in front of his face as he walked.

The face beneath the hat was familiar to Jay. It was the face that had stared up at him from the pages of the FANS file Nick had recovered in Antarctica, the face of a man who called himself Dr. Rough. But Jay had known it before that, just as he had known the man by his given name: Howard Dorough.

He’d gone by Howie back then, back when he’d tried to pass off his ever-present eye twitch as a charming wink before the ladies, and his only other nickname had been “Sweet D.” Said ladies would have laughed at the suggestion that there was anything “rough” about their Sweet D.

But now Jay looked into that face and saw nothing sweet about it. The dark eyes blazed, the left one twitching with ferocity. The smile was a twisted sneer. Jay had heard about K’s and Carter’s encounter with Dr. Rough at Disney World, and now, coming face to face with the man for the first time in more than six years, he could see that they had been right about his madness.

He felt the sudden compulsion to turn and walk in the other direction, to lose himself in the pirate brawl and leave “Dr. Rough” for someone else to duel. But he knew he couldn’t turn away. There was going to be a fight, and the fight was his. He knew Howie’s strengths, his weaknesses, better than anyone else on the ship. Someone had to stop him. And whether he wanted it to be or not, that someone had to be him.

Adjusting the three-cornered hat atop his head, Jay squared his bearded jaw and stepped forward rather than back. Louder than the shouts of those running amok around him, louder than the metallic clinging of swords or the thump of his own boots against the deck, he swore he could hear his own heart, hammering against his ribs.

Howie hadn’t spotted him coming yet, had no idea he was even there, and Jay quickened his pace, hoping he could catch his newfound nemesis off-guard on the steps and corner him to the upper deck. There, perhaps, he could negotiate a quick surrender, before someone got filleted with a sword.

Weaving vigilantly through pairs of dueling swashbucklers, Jay came to a halt in front of Howie, just as he’d reached the bottom stair and was about to step down to the deck. Jay saw his boot hesitate in mid-air as he paused in surprise, the recognition dawning. With Jay’s feet planted firmly on deck and Howie’s a step above, they were virtually the same height, and their eyes met levelly.

Jay stared into the familiar brown eyes, refusing to blink. Howie didn’t have that option; flustered, his left eye started to spasm worse than ever. And still Jay stared, his eyes boring into the other’s, his heart pounding in his throat now, his mind racing as it recapped all of the crimes this man had committed and all of the times he’d eluded capture. The takeover of Disney World. The theft of the giant laser in Antarctica. The hypnosis scheme at Global Idol. The transformation of Drums. In a way, he was even responsible for the death of JC.

The last realization made Jay want to grab him by the throat, collar him against the deck railing, and scream at him, “Why? Why?!”

But he didn’t scream. When he did speak, his voice was amazingly flat and calm, calmer than he felt. He said only, “Hey, Howie.”

Howie tipped his large hat in a sarcastic mockery of etiquette. Jay saw the blood vessel pulsing visibly in his forehead, but his reply was just as flat, just as cold.

“AJ.”

A grim smile flickered at the corners of Jay’s lips. No one called him “AJ” these days; even his initials had been shortened to a single syllable. But there had been a time when he’d insisted on it.


“You must be Alexander. Do you go by Alex?”

The guy asking was pretty dorky-looking. His polo shirt was patterned with bright, vertical stripes. He had a poofy haircut and a goofy smile that showed lots of teeth. Big teeth. But the smile was warm, and he seemed friendly. So AJ smiled back.

“Only if you’re my mom. Call me AJ.”

The guy chuckled. “Sounds familiar. I’ll always be ‘Howard’ to my parents and their friends. Howie to everyone else. It’s nice to meet you, AJ.”

He winked as he shook AJ’s hand.



Looking at him now, Jay shook his head. It was hard to believe he was addressing the same person. “Man, what are you doing, Howie? First you’re prancing around Disney World dressed up like Jafar, and now you’re a pirate? What’s the deal, dude?”

Howie was not fazed. “I should have known your organization would be here. Dressed as pirates also, I see.” His dark eyes flickered disdainfully up and down AJ’s costume.

“You know what they say.” Jay shrugged. “Great minds...”

The other recoiled, twitching. “Great minds?” His eyes bulged from their sockets, and so did the vein in his forehead. “Great minds? You dare insult my intelligence by suggesting that my mind is merely of the same caliber of greatness as yours?”

“I do apologize.” Jay’s voice was dripping with the flat sarcasm now. “So, do you always talk like that now, or is it just the fancy costume?”

“I wouldn’t expect you to appreciate the eloquence of the English language. You were never an intellectual.” His voice was as condescending as Jay’s was sarcastic. “But as you and your organization shall soon learn, brains conquer brawn.”

Jay smirked. “How come you keep calling it ‘your organization,’ huh? Why can’t you say its name? Are you afraid to say it or something? Does it hurt to say ‘Himitsu Takana’?”

The dark eyes blazed more fiercely. A flush crept up the neck. The vein throbbed.

Jay knew he’d hit a nerve.


“Hi-mi-tsu Ta-ka-na?” AJ squinted at the seal on the document in front of him, sounding out the name aloud. “You ever heard of this?”

“Sounds Japanese,” was Howie’s insightful answer.

“Well, thanks, Captain Obvious, that helps a lot,” snickered AJ.

Howie slid the paper closer to him, frowning. “Where did you get this?”

“The mail. The envelope actually said ‘For Your Eyes Only,’ like it’s real top secret stuff or something.” He laughed at the thought.

“And so you’re showing me?” Howie joined in laughing. “What if it’s like a test? What if there’s, like, a hidden camera or something rigged up in here to spy on you? ‘Smile, you’re on Candid Camera… aaaand you just failed.’”

“Aww, c’mon, D, I thought we didn’t have secrets.” AJ offered a big, cheesy smile, batting his eyelashes. “So seriously, you don’t know anything about this Himitsu Takana place?”

“Never heard of it. Did you actually read the letter? What does it say?”

“Not a whole lot. It sounds like some sort of secret society, and whoever signed this – he just signed it with a K, by the way, very secretive – wrote that he thinks I’ve got what it takes to be in it and wants me to consider applying. There’s an application enclosed. Sounds like a scam, doesn’t it?”

Howie shrugged. “Probably, but who knows? Did you look it up on the internet? They’ve got to have a homepage or something, don’t they? Most organizations do these days.”

“Nada. There’s nothing. I put it into WebCrawler, and all I got was all this Japanese anime stuff.” He snickered. “There were, like, a couple pages with the actual words ‘Himitsu Takana’ put together, but neither of them would load.”

“Probably because they don’t want to be found, if it’s really this top secret thing. Sounds kind of interesting. Maybe you should check it out.”

AJ shrugged. “Maybe.”



He jumped back out of the way as Howie, now “Dr. Rough,” drew his sword, temporarily forgetting he had one of his own sheathed against his thigh. He was used to his gun, but he had to admit, a gun wouldn’t do much good against a large saber swinging at his neck. Jay ducked, yanked his own sword out of its sheath, and raised it just in time to block Dr. Rough’s second strike.

“Brains may top brawn when you’re out to make it snow in Orlando,” he shouted, forcing Dr. Rough to step backwards and up as he got in a jab of his own. “But brawn’s what counts in a swordfight, mate!” He dodged Howie’s return swing and got in another of his own, causing his opponent to jump up another step.

“Overrated!” Dr. Rough retorted, as Jay’s sword splintered the banister. “Brawn gets you-” He thrust his own saber down. “… nowhere if you don’t-” Metal clanged as Jay’s sword met his. “… think-” Cling! “… about what you’re doing!” Clank!

“And brains!” Jay shouted back, driving his sword toward Dr. Rough with force, “are worthless-” Clash! “… when you’re completely fucked-” Clonk! “… in the head!”

Clang! The two blades met again, and behind them, the former friends glared at each other with mutinous eyes. Finally, Dr. Rough could hold Jay back no longer, and he stumbled, scrambling up the rest of the steps in a sort of crab walk before Jay’s blade could come down on him again.

Jay pursued him back up onto the poop deck, and there, with room for fancy footwork, their duel intensified. “HimTak is fucked!” screamed Dr. Rough, swinging his sword wildly. “My organization shall bring yours down! You haven’t been able to stop me yet! Tell Agent K he’ll live just long enough to regret the day he let Dr. Rough get away!”

Cloing! Their swords crossed, bracing each other with equal force, and through the X-shape of the two blades, Jay stared at his old friend in disbelief. “So that’s really it, isn’t it? That’s what this is all about? Revenge on HimTak for turning you down?”

A fleeting expression passed over Howie’s face, almost too quickly to be noticed, but Jay did. He’d seen that look before.


They sat in a nondescript room with the other hopefuls, waiting. Aside from Howie, AJ knew no one by name, only by the numbers on their shirts. He felt like he was at an audition, one of the many he’d gone to for the theater end of his double major. Would someone come out to read off a list of numbers that had earned callbacks?

No, he quickly realized. This was not like an audition. An audition was public; often times, you performed your number or read your scene in front of everyone else who was auditioning, and you learned whether or not you’d been cast in front of everyone else, too. This process had been completely different. Very private. Very secretive.

It had started with a phone call, nearly a month after he had submitted his application to the enigmatic organization known as Himitsu Takana. He had Howie to thank for that; AJ had been hesitant, but his friend had insisted that he apply. “You’ll never know what kind of opportunities you may have missed out on if you don’t apply,” Howie had wisely pointed out.

AJ’s careless reply had been, “I will if you will.”

The phone call four weeks later had been to set up a phone interview, and Howie had received one as well. They had both passed the preliminary background and reference checks, and they went on to ace their phone interviews. AJ knew they had because, two weeks after that, he and Howie were each sent a ticket in the mail. A plane ticket. A ticket to Las Vegas. The ticket had come with a letter, explaining that they were to fly to Vegas for a three-day screening session which would include a face-to-face interview. They were to tell no one their purpose in going, and if they did, the deal was off.

Now, on the third day in Las Vegas, they waited to see what, exactly, the deal was. AJ felt a little indignant about the whole shebang by now. Over the last three days, he’d learned virtually nothing about Himitsu Takana, while they had learned everything there was to know about him. He’d been put through two interviews, a written exam, a physical, a psychological evaluation, a polygraph test, and he wouldn’t have been surprised to find he was being tested now, observed via hidden camera to see how he handled the stress of waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

He and Howie kept waiting as, one by one, the other candidates were called by number into a small room hidden behind a closed door. Though half the people in the room had been led away by now, none of them had returned. AJ didn’t think they were going to. There must have been another way out of the small room.

And indeed, there was. AJ turned out to be the last one called from the otherwise empty waiting room into the small conference room, and when he finally entered it, he saw that there were not just one, but two more closed doors, one on each side. The person who had called him here, a dark-haired, surprisingly young-looking man, who had identified himself only as “Agent K,” invited AJ to sit down across the table from him. When they stood up again, barely ten minutes later, he shook AJ’s hand and directed him to go through the door to his left. “Tell the others I’ll be in to talk to the whole group in a few minutes,” Agent K added, as AJ reached for the doorknob.

On the other side of the door, AJ found yet another room in which people waited. This time, it was only a small fraction of the number who had been with him in the first room. Looking around, he felt a jolt in his stomach when he realized Howie was not among them. Disappointment neutralized the exhilarated feeling he’d gotten when the man called K had offered him a position with Himitsu Takana (“conditional, of course, upon your completion of our rigorous training program,” he’d added before any words of excitement or gratitude could spill from AJ’s lips). AJ knew what had happened. The others in this room, like him, had been given the opportunity to stay. The rest of the candidates had passed through the other door in rejection. Howie, who had gone in before him, had to be among them.

Taking another look around the room, he realized that everyone in it was watching him, expectantly. They were all still waiting, waiting to find out more about what they had gotten themselves into. He had no more answers than any of them. All he could say was, “K said he’d be in here in a few minutes.” Then, noticing a second door off to his right, he added, “I’m gonna find a john – guess the damn nerves got to my bladder.” He offered an impish grin to the room, earned a few chuckles in response, and slipped through the other door.

Just as he had hoped, he found himself in a hallway. He looked around, not for the men’s room, but for clues to his friend’s whereabouts. Where had Howie and the others gone? Were they already on their way home? He suspected not. And his suspicions proved to be correct.

His answers came quickly, when a door down the hall opened, and people he recognized from the first waiting room began to filter out. Some walked briskly, seeming eager to leave. Others trudged slowly, heads down in disappointment. If Howie was still in the building, he had to be with this group.

AJ waited, and sure enough, there came his friend, the last one out of the room. He hesitated a moment, then, seeing no sign of K, hurried forward up the hall, hissing, “Howie! Yo, D!”

Howie turned, his left eye twitching the way it did when he was nervous or flustered. He didn’t smile, hardly reacted to AJ’s presence at all.

“It’s a no, huh?” AJ asked, touching Howie’s shoulder in sympathy.

Howie didn’t speak. He shook his head once, a short jerk to the side that could have passed as merely a spasm, a tic.

“I’m sorry, man,” AJ offered. “I got offered something… I’m not really sure what it entails yet, but I’m gonna stick around long enough to at least find out. Who knows if it’ll be worth it or not.” He shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing, to make Howie feel better. He hadn’t realized how much his friend had wanted this, but the wounded look on his face was one AJ would never forget.

“Where are you headed?” he asked next.

Howie’s response was short. “Home.”

AJ nodded, patting his friend’s shoulder again. “I’ll catch up with you there then.”

But when AJ finally made it home to Orlando, some weeks later, Howie was nowhere to be found.



It had been six years since then. Six years since AJ McLean had joined Himitsu Takana, and Howie Dorough had all but disappeared from the face of the earth. As Jay had risen through the ranks of HimTak, he had used his pull as a double-0 agent to search for his old friend, but with no results. Over time, it had become clear that Howie simply didn’t want to be found.

To Jay, he’d been something like an old, favorite t-shirt that has fallen from its hanger and gotten lost at the back of the closet. Jay had known he still existed, somewhere, but eventually, he’d stopped looking for him, and then he’d stopped thinking about him altogether. Howie Dorough had become a memory, a memory stowed away in the far reaches of AJ’s mind, a memory which resurfaced only from time to time.

Until he’d seen Howie’s photo in the FANS file some three months ago, Jay hadn’t thought of his old friend in ages. It was as if he had died, and the stages of grief had long since passed. But now, seeing that familiar, pained look flicker across the face of his adversary, Jay knew that Howie wasn’t dead, wasn’t even missing. He was still there, hidden deep inside the armor of Dr. Rough.

“Look, D,” he said, “no offense, but what we’re doing here is ridiculous. Let’s just… let’s just talk about this. Call your men off, and we’ll go somewhere and talk, just you and me. We can work through this. I’m… I’ve got some pull at HimTak now, some authority. I bet we can work out some kind of deal. Whaddya say?”

For a brief few seconds, Dr. Rough’s eyes had slid out of focus, faraway in reflection. Jay suspected that he, too, had been reliving memories, memories which, for him, were painful. Then, suddenly, his dark eyes sharpened again and ignited with fresh hatred and rage.

“Never!” he howled, whipping his saber up and across. The gleaming blade nearly missed Jay’s midsection as it slashed the air. “My minions and I will never bargain with the likes of Himitsu Takana!”

And so the duel went on, and, unwillingly, Jay defended himself against the ruthless sword strokes of a man who had once been his best friend and now acted as his worst enemy.


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana
Emerald had had enough. Of this stupid ship, of all these annoying Pirates Of The Caribbean wannabes, of the fact that she had been stuck with Carter on enough missions to last her for a good long while.

Chaos had basically run amok upon the vessel, and, above, waving in the gentle breeze, the flag of the Jolly Twitches mocked them and reminded her just how moronic all of this truly was. Everyone was fighting everybody. She couldn't tell where Jay had gotten to, but he could take care of himself. As for the current bane of her existence, she'd hear him yelling or screaming, wailing, making some kind of loud noise that would inform her that the so-called Golden Boy needed her help.

And these other idiots – FANS and whatever group it was that had created the Kraken to begin with – well, they were asking for it. Especially the one who’d decided her ass was perfect for grabbing.

"Oh, FUCK this shit." She immediately grabbed a bayonet off another pirate, turned, and shot him, before stabbing the one who’d grabbed her in the first place. He attempted to dodge the incoming blade and failed, as it stabbed his eye. Blood spurted out as he shrieked in pain; his hands flew to his now-wounded eye and flailed around, while he kept shrieking.

She'd just go around and kill anyone who wasn't Nick or AJ. Hell, they're all the enemy anyway, and it's too damn crazy to attempt capturing anyone who ain't that midget leader from FANS, she mused silently.

Who needed a plan?


± ± ±


Nick was scanning the area, shoving aside anyone who got in his way. He didn't care about the random pirates or minions scattered about the deck of the ship. No, he wanted someone specific this time. Jay had said he would go after the leader. Nick had someone else in mind. He knew Drums would be here.

And there he was, up within the crow’s nest of the ship. Nick needed to get there, now. He eyed his options. Climbing. Not the quickest route for him. That was when a wide grin appeared.

Nick Carter definitely had an idea.


± ± ±


It was Donnie who saw that idea put into action. He noticed a blonde agent, obviously not with FANS or the Kraken pirates, messing with the cannons. He was stuffing something in, likely a cannon ball... but with a rope attached. How... odd. The agent then held on to the other end, while aiming the cannon towards the crow’s nest, where one of their own oversaw the chaos below. It was then that he recognized the man as the infamous Agent Carter, of Himitsu Takana. The fuse was lit, and, within seconds, Carter was launched into the air, along with the cannon ball, in the direction of the crow's nest.

"He's insane!" Donnie heard a female voice yell. He agreed silently.

Once close enough to one of the rigging yards, Nick let go of the rope and gripped the wooden pole tightly, swinging himself up on top. It was synchronized so perfectly. Yet the action itself was so random. It baffled Donnie. “Do you think he plans it all out… or just makes it up as he goes along?”


± ± ±


Nick caught his breath as he walked along the pole towards where his enemy stood. Drums turned and faced him with an almost neutral face. Nick caught the look of surprise before it vanished. As he stared at him, Drums climbed out of the nest and walked to meet him, the red, robotic light of his eye blinking relentlessly. Idly, Nick wondered if he was tempting fate by keeping his balance like this, despite his natural clumsiness.

"Knew you'd try get up on this, dawg."

Nick just shrugged. "What can I say? I have this whole love for keeping the world safe. You should know how that is – you used to have it too."

That was what triggered the first swing of the blade, as it was quickly unsheathed by the former HimTak agent. Drums lunged, as Nick fumbled, before swiftly pulling out his own saber to block his next attack. He reminded himself not to look down. Nick had never been a fan of heights, oddly enough; he hated planes, which wasn't common in his career field. Drums knew that, too, so he had to be careful.

"That man be dead and gone, yo.”

"He doesn't have to be!" Nick tried; he knew it was useless. Yet, out of respect for their old bond, he had to try one last time, even in spite of JC's own demise.

"Yes, it do gotta be like that! Yo, Nick, you’re da one who popped a cap in his ass! Justin's dead!"

The jab was fierce from Drums this time, causing Nick to stumble back. He struggled to keep his footing. The other man was on a deadly offensive; Nick kept having to back away as the swords clashed against each other in battle. The two dueled on, back and forth, as the boat swayed beneath them. The whole affair felt sadly familiar to Nick. It reminded him of earlier days, back when they would spar in one of the many training rooms of HimTak.


"Come at me, Kaos! Dawg, you gots ta be quicker!"

"Drums, we all know we aren't gonna swordfight much. My skills are with my Berettas... and with my ladies."

"Ya nevah know."

"Eh, you'll be there to help me out then, aight?"



It felt ironic, crossing blades with the same man who had helped hone his skills. Their sabers met strike for strike. Each knew the other's moves too well, able to read each other at a moment's glance to see what the other was planning to do next. Their sword dance went on amid the rigging, a precarious string of maneuvers along the wooden beam, as the weapons clanged and clashed loudly in the air. One wrong step, and either of them could plunge some two hundred feet to his death.

"This is fucking pointless, dude," Nick muttered, not meaning to say it aloud.

Drums's sword dove towards Nick, and, with seconds to spare, he met it with his own, struggling to keep the former agent's away from its intended target. The swords glimmered with the light of the fading sun above. Justin raised his sole remaining brow at him in silent question. The swords wavered, the strength of each man almost equal, neither quite able to overcome the other.

"You and I both know we aren't going to settle this in a swordfight."

Before Nick could actually continue, before Drums could even think and respond, a shriek pierced the air. It caught the attention of both men, and their eyes shifted downward, where another “pirate” was being stabbed in the eye by none other than Emerald Ecstasy. Nick was trying really hard not to snicker a bit at the scene below. Not at the man's injury; more at how smug the woman looked as she did it… and how she then rushed to shoot, slice, and dice any who came into her path.

Drums, however, was far from amused.

"Yo, you fucking tryin ta gank me, dawg?! Tryin to hate by doin’ it again?!"

It took Nick only seconds to realize what seeing that would do to him. An almost symbolic recreation of the injury that had destroyed his life. Every time he thought of it, it stung, more than Nick would ever say to anyone. And he thought about it more than anybody at HimTak would guess, including Pearl, Jay, or Jewel.

He couldn't wallow in guilt, however, because his opponent swung the sword dangerously close to his head. It set Nick off balance, forcing him to turn a stumble into an awkward somersault that almost looked like he’d done it on purpose, to those who didn't know any better. While in the air, he swung his sword at Drums. He just wanted all this to end. He wanted to move on. He wanted to end all the chaos he’d caused since that fateful mission. He wanted to forget. None of that could happen till everything between the two men was finished. That meant capture or death for one of them.

That didn't happen.

And still, his mark wasn't completely missed.

It did hit flesh. His blade was one of the very best, made of Japanese steel. A customized Hattori Hanzo sword, made exclusively for Himitsu Takana back in its days in Japan. HimTak always provided its agents with quality weapons, even for disguises, just in case. The blade was sharp, deadly, and able to slice through almost anything.

That “almost anything” included bone. It slid easily through Drums’s sword hand, sliced right on through as if it hadn't been of flesh and bone; it cut in like it was simply butter. Blood sprayed immediately at both Nick and Drums, as Nick reached wildly for the cordage of the sails to keep himself from falling. Clutching tightly to the ropes, he watched as the severed limb plummeted carelessly to the depths of the ocean below.

Nick looked up, wide-eyed, at Drums, startled by what he had just done. "MY HAND!" was the scream of agony with which he was met. Drums was in too much pain to do more, and Nick was in shock. He hadn't meant to disfigure Drums again. He’d missed the mark, again. Mutilated the man, again.

For a second, he was distracted, as the noise of helicopters roaring through the air caught the attention of everyone on the boat. All fighting ceased on both vessels.

Great. They had even more company.


± ± ±


Jay was still defending himself against the slashing blade of Dr. Rough when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed what appeared to be a human hand fly through the air, trailing flecks of blood behind it like the tail of a shooting star. Above the shouts and clang of swords on the decks below, he could have sworn he heard a plop as it dropped into the sea.

“Did you just see that?” he asked, steeling his own sword against Dr. Rough’s.

“See what?” sneered his nemesis.

“It looked like somebody’s hand. It fell from the sky and landed in the water over there.” With his own free hand, he pointed over the deck rail.

Dr. Rough frowned, perplexed. Their eyes met, and without a word, they both lowered their swords and raced to the rail, pushing each other out of the way in their quest to look for the appendage. It didn’t occur to either to stab the other while his back was turned.

“There!” cried Rough, pointing, and Jay looked down and grimaced at the sight of the ghostly hand bobbing in the blood-tinged waves. As realization dawned, they both looked up, craning their necks to see who had lost a hand. A sudden jolt rocked Jay’s stomach. Nick. Nick was up there, clinging to the rigging of the ship, with Drums.

All of a sudden, his attention turned to the skies, as he noticed a small fleet of helicopters swooping down from the clouds. His eyes narrowed, trying to make out their insignia. Next to him, he heard Dr. Rough’s low intake of breath.


± ± ±


Emerald didn’t see the helicopters. After watching Nick manage to blast himself into the rigging of the FANS ship to take on Drums, she had done a little rope swinging of her own – and planned to do a little blasting, too. She would never admit it, but 00Carter and their last mission together – two things she’d hated (and, in the case of Carter, still did) – had inspired her.

While the pirates ran amok aboard The Jolly Twitches, the Kraken was surprisingly deserted, leaving Emerald to poke around in the cargo hold, unseen. She made quick work of her task, gathering materials from the eclectic bounty of booty the pirates had pillaged from the cruise ships. Electronics, which she disassembled, laying out batteries and wires across the floor. A handsome, old-fashioned alarm clock that ticked out the time. A large section of pipe, which must have been recovered from the wreckage of one of the sinking vessels. A tube of ping-pong balls. A couple of pool toys. A sewing kit.

She even plundered some supplies from the pirates themselves. A toolbox. A few lifebuoys. A keg of gunpowder. A fuse from one of the cannons. These she set aside, while she got to work assembling her creation. She filled the pipe with gunpowder, inserting the end of the fuse before capping off the ends. She hooked the lifebuoys together and rigged the pipe inside. She attached wires, connected batteries. She set the alarm clock.

When she’d added the pool toys – a couple of child’s floaties and a long, foam noodle – she sat back to admire her handiwork. Cocking her head to the side, she decided something was missing. It didn’t yet give the visual effect she’d hoped for.

That was when she stripped off her green dress and started tearing it to pieces, still oblivious of the helicopters circling outside.


± ± ±


A smile spread like lava across Dr. Rough’s face when he saw the helicopters. He hesitated only a second, long enough to decide he was not about to risk being captured at the last minute, and then tipped his large hat to Jay. “Farewell!” he announced, as he flipped headfirst over the rail and dove into the sea.

When he surfaced, shaking saltwater from his eyes, he could just make out Jay’s stunned expression above the rail of The Jolly Twitches. “What do you think you’re doing?” Jay yelled down to him. “You’re insane, you know that?!”

Dr. Rough laughed bitterly. “I’m not insane!” he shouted from the water. “I’m a genius!”

“Maybe, but you’re also fucking nuts, dude! You know that’s why HimTak turned you down, don’t you? You failed the psych exam! Now I see why!”

Jay turned and walked away from the rail, leaving Dr. Rough treading the waves, screaming, “I am not insane! The mundane minds at Himitsu Takana couldn’t possibly understand the inner workings of a brain like mine! You’re looking at a mastermind! A mastermind they could have had as one of their own! But no! No, they missed out! Now they shall know their mistake in rejecting me! You don’t want me as your enemy, Agent McLean!”

But AJ McLean was already out of hearing range of his rantings. Furious, Dr. Rough snatched his waterlogged hat from the sea’s grasp and jammed the dripping thing onto his head. He reached both arms above his head, kicking feverishly beneath the surface of the water, and waved to signal the approaching helicopters.

As the one nearest descended, he could make out the purple letters emblazoned on the side. F.A.N.S. “Forgotten agents need status,” he murmured, shivering in the water as he watched a small hatch in the chopper’s black exterior open.

A long, rope ladder dropped when the helicopter was in range of him, and Dr. Rough swam to reach it. As soon as he had hoisted himself up onto the bottom rung, he dug deep into the pockets of his soggy breeches and retrieved a small whistle. This he blew, emanating a shrill pitch, as he was lifted out of the sea.

The chopper moved into position itself over The Jolly Twitches. Dr. Rough ignored the surprised shouts from the Kraken’s crew and the cheers from his own as he clung to the ladder, hovering a few feet above deck. His hopeful eyes found the captain’s quarters and watched until he saw what he’d been waiting for: the lithe body of his ferret, scrambling through one of the portholes.

“Come, Twitches!” he called, tooting his whistle once more, and watched Dr. Twitches scamper across the ship’s deck towards him, dodging feet and fallen bodies. “Jump, my darling!” And Dr. Twitches took a flying leap, soaring through the air like a missile, aiming for the ladder. Dr. Rough caught him by his harness and pulled him to the safety of his shoulder, winding the leash around his arm again. “There, there,” Dr. Rough cooed, kissing the top of the ferret’s head as he felt the ladder begin to ascend. “Daddy’s got you now.”

He began to climb the ladder. He could still hear the boom of cannonfire, the clatter of swords, and the shooting of guns from the decks below, and he prayed that his faithful minions could hold off their enemies long enough to allow him a safe escape.

When he finally reached the top of the ladder, unscathed, a hand reached down to pull him up into the helicopter. “Just in the nick of time, Fatone,” Dr. Rough panted breathlessly, setting Dr. Twitches safely down on the floor of the cabin.

“We received a page from Drums, saying that HimTak was here, and the numbers were more than anticipated. MJ and I thought you might need some backup!” shouted Joey above the roar of the rotors.

Dr. Rough smiled briefly at the rockhopper penguin strapped into the co-pilot’s seat. The penguin turned and winked, raising its wing in greeting. It was wearing a headset.

Joey fit Dr. Rough with a headset of his own so they could hear each other without shouting. He thought of Drums, watching the battle from the crow’s nest. Though he hated to admit defeat, Dr. Rough knew his right-hand agent had been wise to call for a rescue crew when he had. There was no telling how he would have escaped otherwise, with his ship overrun with HimTak agents, including that menace 00Carter and dear old AJ himself.

He gazed down at the crow’s next, intending to command Joey to fetch Drums next, and blinked in surprise when he saw that it was empty. “Where’s Drums??” he asked.

“I don’t see him,” Joey’s voice crackled through Dr. Rough’s headset. They both squinted down at the ship, searching for the red gleam of Drums’s eye. “There,” Joey said suddenly, pointing. “There he is.”

Dr. Rough followed his finger. He gasped softly when he spotted Drums, clinging to one of the masts with one hand, his knees hooked around the wooden beam. His right arm dangled limply in the air, and Dr. Rough’s eyes widened when he saw that it ended in a bleeding stump.

“He’s still alive,” he murmured, as he watched Drums struggle to hang on.

They circled the mast and dropped the ladder again, and Dr. Rough himself climbed back down it to rescue his most prized agent.


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana
Nick groaned when he recognized the four letters painted on the side of the helicopters. They were the same letters that had been stamped on the top secret file he’d stolen in Antarctica.

“Shitballs,” he muttered to himself, casting a wary eye at Drums, who was slumped against the mast, looking ready to slide off his perch at any moment. He had managed to wrap his gushing stump in his shirt, one-handed, and was cradling it to his chest. Blood still soaked through the makeshift tourniquet. Drums’s whole body was trembling violently, his complexion was the color of fireplace ashes, and he was weeping and moaning in agony.

Nick knew he could finish Drums off, once and for all, right here, right now, before any more of his FANS cronies arrived in the helicopters to rescue him. A mere tap would be enough to topple him off the yard. The fall would kill him instantly, and retribution for JC’s death (ironically, also from a fall) would be served.

But he couldn’t do it. Staring at his former ally with a mix of pity, guilt, and revulsion, Nick knew that he could not kill Drums. Not today, at least. He’d done enough already. The way the stump was bleeding, he might have killed him already and just didn’t know it yet.

He looked up and saw the helicopters looming closer, beginning to lose altitude and circle the ship, and he knew he could not stay here either. He would not kill Drums, but he would also not stay to be captured himself. Nick watched as the first helicopter dropped a ladder into the ocean and rose moments later with Dr. Rough clinging to the bottom, and he had an idea.

With his sword, he slashed one of the thick ropes tying the sails to the mast. He sheathed his sword, looked once more at Drums, then grabbed the rope and jumped. Down, he swung, out and over the deck, while the helicopters descended upon Drums.

It was a hard landing, the swinging momentum carrying him forward even once his feet touched the deck, and he would have fallen flat on his face, had someone else not been in his way. As it was, he crashed face-first into another man, their foreheads knocking together, and ricocheted back to land on his ass.

“Ow!” moaned Nick, his ass throbbing.

“Ow!” complained the other, rubbing his forehead.

They looked at each other then, and Nick found his eyes locked with a pair of bright, blue eyes that seemed out of place in a dark-complexioned face framed by shaggy, black hair. “You!” he cried with surprise. “You’re Aly’s brother.”

The dark features were instantly guarded. “How do you know Aly?” he asked suspiciously.

“Doesn’t matter. What does is that-”

Before Nick could finish, he was interrupted by the sound of his name. “Carter! Hey! 00Carter!” He turned, and there was Emerald, running right through pirate pandemonium to get to him. By the time she reached him, she was out of breath. “We gotta go. Now,” she panted, grabbing him roughly by the arm. “Jay’s waiting.”

“What? Well, wait, what about… I mean, don’t we wanna… you know… take some for questioning?”

“Questioning?” Mendez was now downright cagey. “Whoa, who are you, the cops?”

“Heh, you wish,” snickered Emerald. “The cops couldn’t get away with what we’re about to do.”

Nick stared at her. “What are we about to do?”

“We’re about to blow this joint. Literally.” Now Emerald was outright giggling. “Let’s go, Carter.”

Nick looked at Aly’s brother, who seemed poised to run, but not quite ready to commit to it yet. “You’re comin’ with us, you got that?” he said roughly. He reached towards his waist, where his pistol was stowed next to his pirate sword, not above threatening to get the man to comply.

Mendez nodded, and he followed Emerald as she led them to the port side of the ship, Nick covering them from behind. Nick looked over the rail, and there, bobbing in the water, was Jay in their inflatable raft. Emerald was already climbing over the rail.

“Hey, what happened to your dress, Avril?” Nick asked, noticing how her green dress was in tatters, showing off the tight little boy shorts she had on underneath. “Trying to go for a more ‘punk’ pirate look?”

“Oh, just wait. You’ll see,” Emerald replied with a serene smile. The smile was a mask, disguising some sort of hidden lunacy that left him mystified. She hoisted herself over the side of the ship and disappeared, dropping gracefully into the raft beside Jay.

Nick turned to Mendez. “You’re gonna get into the raft with us,” he said, slowly but firmly, making sure the other man understood. “They’re going to think we’re detaining you. When they’re not looking, I’ll slip you another raft, deflated. You can inflate it instantly when the time is right. I dunno what Emerald’s planning, but it sounds like something big, and when it happens, I want you to treat it like a diversion and bail. You got that? Bail. Jump out of the raft and disappear. Wait till you’re alone, till you’re out of sight, and then blow up the raft and get the hell out of here.”

“What? Are you serious, man?” Mendez was staring at him as if he’d just grown a second head.

“I am, but no one is to ever know, you got that? I promised your sister I’d keep you out of harm’s way, and that’s a promise I’d like to keep. So do what I say, and don’t ask questions. When you get out of here, go back to the States and get a job. A real, honest job. Don’t keep dragging Aly into this shit. Don’t make her worry about you. You understand?”

Mendez nodded, then shook his head. “No, but… yeah. I… I dunno who you are or why you’re doing this, but yeah, man, I’ll go with it, alright?”

“You do that. Now go.”

Nick gave him a push, and Aly’s brother followed Emerald off the ship. A few seconds later, Nick splashed into the raft with them, and Jay started paddling.

“Hurry,” said Emerald, helping him. “We don’t have much time.”

They rowed away from the ship as, on the starboard side, something green and sinister seemed to slither toward it.


± ± ±


From his perch in the doorway of the chopper, Dr. Rough oversaw the other helicopters as they dropped lines down to The Jolly Twitches. While Joey tended to Drums, he watched his minions fight off pirates as they climbed the ladders, abandoning the great ship. He hated to surrender, but they had not been able to overtake the pirates or their mechanical sea monster, and the fight was not worth losing all the minions in the organization he had built from the ground up.

All of a sudden, something in the water caught his eye. From his vantage point, high above the ocean, it looked like an animal, bobbing among the waves. He narrowed his eyes. It was green, with a long tail which floated in the water. He could see the whites of its large eyes, perched cunningly atop its head.

Watching it make its way toward The Jolly Twitches, he had a sudden flash of a similar creature, gliding sinisterly through the water toward another pirate ship, forewarning those on board of its presence with its tick, tock, tick tock…

Dr. Rough began to hum then, a melody he hadn’t heard since childhood. “Da-da-dum, dum, dum… da-da-dum, dum, dum… da-da-dum, dum, da-da-da-da-dum, dum, dum…”

All of a sudden, it clicked, and he sat bolt upright, nearly launching himself out of the helicopter. “Minions!” he cried. “Miiiiinions! Climb from the ship! Climb from the ship!

Abs, halfway up the nearest ladder, cocked his head in confusion, and Dr. Rough pointed frantically. “The croc! The croc!

The crocodile was nearly to The Jolly Twitches now, and Dr. Rough knew what was about to happen a split second before it did. He clapped his hand over his face, and as he did, he both heard and felt the colossal explosion. Peeking down through his fingers, he shuddered as he watched his beautiful pirate ship ignite and heard the screams of the men still on board.


± ± ±


Nick and Jay stared at Emerald in astonishment as they watched the FANS ship go up in flames, which quickly spread to the nearby Kraken. Then, suddenly, a second blast. The two men ducked instinctively, but Emerald had made sure they were safely out of range of the flying shrapnel coming from the Kraken. She sat primly in the raft in her ragged dress, with that half-crazed, pleased smile on her face again.

“A bomb?” Nick finally managed to ask.

Emerald nodded proudly. “I got the idea from our Disney mission… from Peter Pan. You know the crocodile, with the clock inside? Yeah, well… this ticking clock was a bit more deadly.” She snickered.

Nick blinked. “And your dress?”

“Well, I had to make it look like a crocodile somehow!” She held up a scrap of her dress, running the green material through her fingers. “Purely for effect, you know.”

Nick and Jay went back to staring at her. Emerald continued to smile, as the two pirate vessels went down in flames in the distance.

“Hey,” she said after a moment, looking around. “Where’d our felon go?”


± ± ±


Dr. Rough wept as his ship went down. It was worse than the end of Titanic. His only consolation, as he watched the surviving minions climb into the last of his helicopters, was that he had greater plans ahead. This was the end of his brief foray into piracy, but not the end of FANS’ reign of terror upon the world. Oh, no. Not even close to it.

“Are you ready to head back to the mainland, Dr. Rough?” Joey’s voice asked in his ears.

“I suppose,” Dr. Rough replied glumly. “How’s Drums?”

“Not good, but I think he’ll make it, if we get him back soon. He’s lost a lot of blood.”

“Thanks to that wretched Carter,” grumbled Dr. Rough. “He shall pay for what he’s done to Drums. For what he’s done to us all. He’s foiled our plans for the last time!”

“We’ll get ‘im, boss,” Joey agreed.

Dr. Rough nodded. He started to scoot back, so that they could close the door of the chopper and fly back to the base in Florida. But as he moved, something in the water caught his eye. It was not the crocodile. The crocodile was long gone. A bomb, it had been, just as he’d suspected, and he had a feeling the HimTak agents were behind it.

And sure enough, there they were. They had gotten away, and as the helicopter started to move, he looked down on the three of them, bobbing along in a small life raft. His eyes narrowed. His nostrils flared. His eye twitched.

Leaning out of the chopper door, with tears of fury stinging his eyes, Dr. Rough bellowed, “I’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, CARTER! NEXT TIME!”


± ± ±


“I’ll miss you too, Dr. Dough!” Nick shouted back towards the chopper that was now starting fade in the skyline, Dr. Rough still leaning out of it. It was visible that he was yelling, but none of his words could be heard by the fellow agents, who were now sailing on their inflatable raft in the middle of the ocean.

“Isn’t this a scene to watch?” Emerald sighed slowly, oblivious to her surroundings. Nick’s eyes drifted towards her scenery.

“Exploding ships accompanied by shrieks of wannabe pirates and some freaky minions?” Nick questioned sarcastically. “Very soothing indeed. Perfect for a Sunday afternoon.”

“Speaking of wannabe pirates, where’s our felon?” Emerald darted her eyes from her masterpiece and questioned Nick again, looking around. “Couldn’t you keep an eye on only one hostage, 008?”

Nick cringed at the snide comment. It was hard to keep his mouth shut while Emerald was clearly mocking him and was probably thinking that he was still a useless piece of an agent, well… wannabe.

“I guess I couldn’t, Em,” he said through clenched teeth. The situation was hard on him as it was, and though millions of answers that he could possibly use as a comeback were running through his mind, he tried to keep his calm and remind himself that he was doing it for a friend. For a good cause.

He clenched his fists tightly and darted his eyes towards the remaining pieces of the pirate ship, avoiding making contact with Emerald’s baffled stare. Was it for a good cause, really?

“I can’t locate the boat.” Agent Jay’s distressed voice drew Nick’s attention away from his conscience for a moment. He watched him typing vigorously on his PDA. Every button Agent Jay pressed resulted in an annoying beep sound.

“What’s up with that?” Emerald piped up anxiously. “The boat’s gonna be around here somewhere, isn’t it?”

“It must be around here somewhere, and it should already be in our sight, since I’ve sent out our coordinates to its tracking system-”

“MAGIC TURTLES!” Nick poked Emerald in the ribs roughly, pointing out to three, rock-like shapes approaching them in the water. Seeming out of his recent, odd behavior, he got up on his feet in the raft, a little bit quicker than he’d intended to, which caused it to wobble dangerously. “I love Pearl, seriously.”

“Whoa, easy there, big boy!” Emerald held on to the sides of the raft tightly. “This ain’t a fucking trampoline! And what the heck is a magic turtle, anyway?!”

“Magic turtle is…” Agent Jay got up on his feet and examined the three, sea-turtle-shaped devices that were now sailing on the calm ocean right next to the raft they were in. “… a type of device or vehicle that is controlled through satellite. It – or in this case, they – follow us on our missions on the sea. Their system is encrypted via the satellite in our boat, and when the ship is out of order, usually meaning it either goes down or blows up, system sends out a decode to their software that activates them and directly connects them to the device that’s been delineated prior to the mission. In this case, to my PDA. I was hoping we wouldn’t need to use these, but looks like someone saw the boat and decided to abrogate it so we’d be stranded out on this mess.”

“Someone who knew we were here.” Nick eyed the direction that Dr. Rough’s helicopter had gone furiously. “FANS.”

“Do you know you sound like a huge dork?” Emerald was looking at Agent Jay incredulously. Just when she thought she knew him inside out, he’d emerged with a totally different side. She let out a soft chuckle. “Let’s cut to the chase and just go home. And more importantly, how are these funny sea turtles supposed to be any kind of a ride anyway?”

Folding his arms across his chest, Nick smiled proudly. “Show your magic, Jay.”

“With pleasure.” Jay engrossed his attention back to his PDA and typed some more.

In less than a couple of minutes, Emerald watched three sea turtles morph into three jets in front of her eyes, all fully set and ready to be ridden.

“Pearl is one hell of a genius bitch,” she spoke, bewildered.

“She is, indeed.” Agent Jay nodded and moved forward to get on to the first one. “Let’s get the hell outta here, people.”


± ± ±
Here Ye Be Pirates: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana
Feeling the salty breeze of the ocean, while riding on the jet and following Jay’s lead to the nearest mainland, Nick was once again left alone with his thoughts and a bitter battle with his conscience. And though he wasn’t entirely happy to admit it, the decision he had made was eating his heart out.


“So I gotta ask for one, huge favor...” Aly spoke, once they were done with their usual bickering.

“Anything, babe, just tell me and consider it done,” Nick replied in his flirtatious voice, wiggling his eyebrows as if Aly could see.

And for the first time in many years of their friendship, Aly did not scoff, nor respond with a lame or smartass comment.

Instead, she just sighed.

“I don’t know how I actually got the courage to call you up to actually propose this to you, when I actually know how you will react, and when it is actually not something that I’d ever-”

“You talk too much and still say nothing, ACTUALLY, so just tell me.”

“-ever imagined proposing, but I’ve thought this through, long and hard. I even tried to do it on my own, but seriously, my mind is just not working anymore, and you and I are on the same side-”

“We’re not on the same side, babe, but you’re more than welcomed to join as our ally; we never say no to fresh faces. Tell me.”

“- and I know how hard it is to do something against the book when you are-“

“JUST TELL ME, ALY!” Nick raised his voice exasperatedly. “Just tell me, babe. What do you want me to do?”

Another deep sigh.

“Let my brother go.”



As Nick’s mind replayed the conversation he’d had a few days ago, word by word, he felt an invisible hand tightening its grip on his throat. His vision was a blur, his ears were growing deaf because of the blaring motor sounds of the jets, and his tight grip on the handles was turning his knuckles white. Yet, his knees were feeling wobbly.

He should have hung up on her immediately, the second he heard those words. He shouldn’t have let her continue; he shouldn’t have let her count all of her excuses and try to knock her reasoning into him. He wasn’t the person who did everything by the book, but he wasn’t the type to let go of a criminal either. There was nothing that could be said in his defense if the incident was discovered. He should have taken him hostage; the agency wouldn’t have hurt him, anyway, if he’d been cooperative and given them the information needed. They would have even let him go then.

He should have told that to Aly as well; he should have persuaded her that that would be the best for everyone.

But no, he’d wanted to play the hero. The knight in fucking shining armor.


Now it was his time to sigh.

“I know,” Aly continued, gaining confidence from his one- second pause, “it’s not the easiest thing to do, and I shouldn’t have even considered you for this, but you’re gonna be on the mission, and you’re the only person that I can count on. I can’t do it myself. I don’t know if I’d be able to go undercover there without him noticing me, and he just wouldn’t listen to me, anyway, if I told him to run away…”

Nick was still silent on the other end.

“All I’m asking from you,” Aly took a deep breath, “is to tell him to just disappear when you come across him. Tell him to let go and go back home.” Nick heard her gulping, probably swallowing back her tears. “I can’t lose him, Nick. I can’t bear losing him when I know what he’s up to. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. He’s the only family I have. I know he’s been in deep shit, but he’s a good person deep down, and he’ll go back to being a normal man if I can be there for him more.”

Nick let out another deep sigh.

“You know, I’d do the same if your family was in a similar situation, Nick.” Aly was sniffing now. Very odd for the woman he had known for years. “If you had a sister, who was messing with the wrong people, doing the wrong things, I’d do everything in my power to save her.”



And just like that, she’d had him. He’d felt like a string was ripped from his heart when she’d said the words. And the worst thing was, he didn’t have one single, tiny, piece of doubt in his mind that Aly would ever dodge if she were in his shoes.


He cleared his throat.

“Nick?” Aly’s voice was now full of hope.

A woman’s a woman, always, Nick thought to himself. Erratic change of moods, in mere seconds. In the hopelessness of the situation, he found himself cracking a smile.

“You’re gonna pay me back.”

“So you’ll do it?!”

“I said you’re gonna pay me back.”

“Anything you want, consider it done.”

“Be careful what you agree to, Sapphire.” Nick couldn’t help but softly chuckle at her sudden thrill.

“Just say it, and it’s a deal.” Aly was sounding more content, and he realized he preferred her to stay that way, always.

“Just sing for me, one night at the club, any song you want, but it’s going to be a private performance for me only. Been awhile since I’ve seen you sing.”

“I’ll make sure to pick your favorite tunes.”

“Followed by a lap dance?”

The familiar scoff was heard on Aly’s end. “In your dreams, pervert.”

Theirs was a love/hate relationship.



The sudden sound of an explosion jolted him, detracting his attention from his thoughts. Turning his head backwards, Nick saw the Kraken blowing up for the last time before submerging into the deep blues of the Bermuda Triangle.

And it was gone. So were the uneasy feelings he’d had about his decision. He believed that he’d taken the initiative to decide what would result in one human being’s own good.

What was done was done, anyway.

He shook his head and rode the water jet in full throttle to catch up with Emerald and Jay.


± ± ±


A couple scribbles here and there. A little bit of a sharpening on the chin and the neck... Darkening the shades of the hair to enhance the contrast with the skin... Adding a richer blue color, just to emphasize the effect... There you go.

Nick had just put his pen down, when his phone rang, only to take him out of the depths of his soul and make him realize that his butt had gone numb from sitting in the same position for a long time. Long enough to see that the sun was setting, and the room was dim. He shifted lightly and reached to his nightstand to grab his phone.

His eyes lit up when he saw the caller ID.

“I have to admit, I’m getting used to hearing from you this often, Sapph.” He spoke roguishly, eyeing the sketch he’d been drawing. Nearly perfect.

“Hush,” the caller requested in a soft tone. “Just let me say what I want to say before you open up your big mouth and say something stupid to ruin my mood.”

Nick opened his mouth to protest, but she knew better.

“Thank you,” Aly expressed sincerely. “Thank you so much, for blessing my brother and letting him go.”

Having one of his rare moments, when he was speechless and actually shy to receive any kind of appreciation, Nick cleared his throat loudly.

“Nah, it’s not a big deal, Sapph…” he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could. If there was one person to whom he wouldn’t brag about the stuff he did, it was Aly. Then again, he couldn’t really find anything to brag about what he had done anyway.

“Don’t try to underestimate what you did, Nick,” she stated clearly. “You put your ass on the line, and you did it for me. And I appreciate it. Know and accept that before I tell you to shove your pride up your ass.”

He laughed heartily and looked down to his sketch once more. It felt like he was having a conversation with her face to face. He hadn’t seen her in a while, yet, he was pretty damn sure that she was still wearing that sad look on her face, her blue eyes reflecting the pain and the struggle she’d been through. Her lips, curved downwards, full and cherry red. And her hair, that black, thick hair, cascading down to her shoulders…

“So how was the mission?” Aly asked, trying to ease the intensity of the situation, without knowing she had also distracted Nick from his thoughts of her.

“Salty.”

“Salty?”

“And a bit bloody and explody.” Nick sighed, rubbing his temple with his thumb. “You know how it usually goes. And I don’t think you’d like pirates at all; they are meany.”

“I think you swallowed too much sea water on this mission.” Aly couldn’t help but chuckle. “But really, Nick, how could you manage to let him go without the others noticing it?”

“They were too busy flirting with each other; they wouldn’t have noticed if I’d let go of a shark. So your brother wasn’t that much trouble.” He shifted uncomfortably on his bed. He didn’t feel like talking about this any longer; he’d been pondering about it enough on his mind already.

“He said you gave him a spare raft and told him to bail during a distraction.”

“Exactly what I meant when I said the mission was a little explody. It wasn’t hard to lose track of him,” Nick explained. “So you spoke to him?”

“Yeah, he called me the other day, to tell me he was safe. Apparently, after you let go of him, he came across a cruise ship, and he managed to make them believe that he was a fisherman whose boat had been shipwrecked during the battle.” Aly sighed. “That’s him for ya. He can convince anyone to do anything, and he’ll make it sound like the right thing to do.”

“Runs in the Mendez family, I believe.”

Aly was silent on the other end for a second. “I’m gonna meet him in a little while. I want to see him with my own eyes, to believe that he’s actually doing okay. All of this happening lately is like a bad dream.”

Nick nodded to himself, as if she could see him.

“Thank you again, Nick. I will never forget this. I owe you.”

“Speaking of gratitude…” Nick piped up. His face suddenly beamed, remembering their deal.

“Right, right. How does next Saturday sound?”

“Doable.”

“Be at the club at ten,” Aly replied. “I’ll start with your favorite song.”

“And finish off with a lap dance?”

The familiar scoff.

“If I had given you a penny every time you mentioned that-”

Nick grinned devilishly. “I’d be a fucking Rockefeller, baby.”

Theirs was a love/hate relationship, after all. And it felt comfortable.


± ± ±


The beach was deserted. Just the sounds of seagulls filled the air. The sun was starting to set, setting an orange-ish hue.

For some reason, Aly felt empty, empty and lonely. Everything still felt so anti-climatic. What had she gained from this? Nothing. Not a damn thing.

Turning, she stared at the water. The sound of the waves crashing along the shore was almost melodic. Everything seemed so insignificant to her just then. Just for a moment, she could pretend everything was okay, that her life was normal.

Just for a moment.

Aly sighed heavily; it was over, for now, at least. Turning, she stopped. There he was. He looked like he was getting ready to leave, when suddenly, he spotted her.

They stared at each other a moment before slowly making their way towards one another.

“So…I guess this is it, huh?” Aly said softly.

He said nothing, just stared at her.

“Well, I’ll see you later then, okay?”

Her brother stared at her a moment before turning, starting to walk off.

“That’s it, huh? You’re not going to say anything to me, even after I…”

“I never asked you to do anything for me, got that?” he said softly.

Aly winced, her eyes widening suddenly when he whirled around, staring at her coldly.

“You didn’t have to do anything, you hear me? This was my doing. Mine. You didn’t need to be… You shouldn’t have…”

“Well, I’m sorry, but you’re my brother; I couldn’t just let you…”

“Yes… yes you could’ve.”

“No, you see, that’s where we’re different. I couldn’t just leave you; I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”

“And why’s that, huh? Cause you’re good and pure, right? Right?! We‘re on two different paths; we cannot change that. Would you be willing to join me? Could you do that?”

Her eyes started burning; she opened her mouth to say… what? She couldn’t get the words out, but she didn’t even know what those words were.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he muttered, starting to turn away.

“But it doesn’t have to be that way! You could join us… join me…” Aly blurted out suddenly, wanting to do anything to keep him there, to keep some kind of hold on him.

He shook his head. “No, I don’t think I can.”

“But…”

“Aly,” he sighed, “don’t, okay? Just stop. Nothing’s going to change, okay? So forget it. I‘m happy doing what I do; I like it. End of story.”

Aly watched as he did turn, this time, and start away. She watched him walk away, her heart pounding so hard, she could hear it in her ears. She couldn’t let it end this way.

“Wait!”

He stopped and turned, his eyes widening as she hurried over to him, rushing into his arms, hugging him fiercely.

He stilled, slowly lowering his gaze to her, her slight but strong arms squeezing him tightly, and his gaze softened.

“Aly,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“Stay safe,” she murmured, her face buried in his chest.

His lips turned up in a slight smile. “I will… just for you, okay?”

Aly nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She felt his arms drop away from her suddenly, and he gently untangled himself and took a step back and then another. Abruptly, he turned, walking off down the empty stretch of beach, and this time, she didn’t stop him.

As she watched him disappear around the cliff side, she wondered if it was all worth it. Fighting for the world and protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves. Was it worth it? Was it enough?

In the end, she wasn’t sure. She’d lost so much because of her choices, and every time, it got harder and harder, the loss bigger, greater, than before. She’d let her brother walk away this time, but would there be a next time? And if there was, would she be able to let him walk away and not follow?

Aly stared at the spot in the sand where her brother had just stood. She didn’t notice the single tear that made its way down her cheek, splashing like a raindrop on the ground, before she, herself, turned and walked off.


± ± ±


A full moon had risen over the Gulf of Mexico. Some twenty miles inland, in the swampland of the Everglades, Dr. Rough watched bright moonbeams stream through the cypress trees from the bay window inside the FANS headquarters.

As the blue light spilled over his face, he sighed and stroked the ferret on his shoulder. Dr. Twitches closed his eyes in contentment, and Dr. Rough smiled crookedly at their reflection in the glass. “Yes, Twitches,” he murmured, “night has fallen once again. But soon enough, the sun will return. It will rise on a new mission, a new day for Dr. Rough to wreak havoc upon the world! You see… our hopes are never darkened for long.”

A shadow passed over his eyes, as the moon was smothered by a meandering cloud.

“We have a new hope, don’t we, my pet? We were wise to plant the seed early, now that our dear Drums is unable to… lend a hand. And when it’s time for our little seed to spring forth and blossom, Himitsu Takana won’t know what hit them.” He sniggered malevolently.

“I dunno, Dr. Rough, I think you may be underestimating ol’ HimTak. They’ve thwarted all your missions so far, haven’t they?”

Dr. Rough scowled, but when he turned around to face the owner of the voice, he’d twisted the expression into a smirk. Sexi was posed against the doorframe, eyeing him coolly. Were she one of his usual bumbling minions, he might have shot her by now for daring to doubt him. Yet the sight of her, in a white mini-dress that hugged her curves like a latex glove, soothed his usual rage and roused a different sort of fire inside him.

“You are wrong. It is HimTak who underestimates me,” he replied. His voice was deathly calm, though his heart was thundering in his chest. “But even if this hope should be dashed,” he continued, “there is another, fail-proof plan already in effect. Four of our own are preparing to return to their motherland as we speak. There, they shall ‘set the stage’ for the unleashing of a biochemical weapon even more deadly than-”

“Shh!” Sexi suddenly hissed, pressing a taloned finger to her wine-colored lips. “Drums.”

Dr. Rough fell silent, as his protégé shambled into the room. “Drums,” he repeated, offering an uneasy smile. “Has Sexi nursed you back to health?”

Sexi smirked beneath her naughty nurse headdress, apparently pleased with herself.

Drums, on the other hand, looked anything but pleased. His expression was murderous. “I’ma gut Carter wit dis,” he spat, holding up the gleaming, silver hook Sexi had affixed to his stump. “If it be the last thang I do, I’ma live to see dat boy wriggle like a worm on da end of dis for what he done to me, you know what I’m sayin’?”

“I know what you’re saying,” Dr. Rough assured him consolingly, resting a hand on the shoulder of his good arm. “But don’t you worry. The hook is only temporary. Dr. Rough will make you a new hand, a far superior hand, just as he did with your eye. Our friend 00Carter will soon find that, in maiming you, he has only served to strengthen you once more.”

“And in the meantime…” purred Sexi, trailing her fingernails very lightly down the injured arm. (Drums shuddered with the phantom sensation that continued all the way to the tips of his absent fingers.) “… I think you’ll find that a hook can come quite handy for some things. No pun intended,” she tittered.

Drums’s face fell into a scowl, but Sexi wiped it away with her index finger, which she kissed before placing it tenderly on his lips. Dr. Rough’s heart thundered louder as he watched her finger pull back, curling seductively to beckon to Drums as she slunk away from him. He followed her as she strutted to the window. “Scratching, for instance,” she went on in her sex kitten’s purr, tossing her head so that her mane of hair went swinging over one shoulder. She drew her nails slowly down her exposed neck, leaving faint lines on her soft, cocoa skin. “Tiger Lily’s got an itch. It’s down deep… somewhere she can’t scratch. I bet you could reach it for her, eh, Captain Hook?”

Drums narrowed his one blue eye, looking furious and aroused at the same time. Behind them, Dr. Rough felt the same. But Sexi’s hungry gaze lingered only on Drums.

“What, you s’posed ta be Tiger Lily?” he asked.

“Just switch this nurse cap for some feathers, and I’m your Indian princess,” she murmured, sidling up to him.

Thankfully, the nauseating scene playing out before Dr. Rough was interrupted by MJ, who waddled in carrying a piece of paper in his beak. “Good boy, Michael,” cooed Dr. Rough, unfolding the note. It read,

Dr. Rough,
We’ll be departing shortly. We won’t let you down.
- M4


Forgetting Sexi and Drums for the moment, Dr. Rough gasped and rushed back to the window. He gazed out into the dusk and saw a quartet of minions boarding one of the FANS airboats. A moment later, his wristwatch beeped, and their four leering mugs appeared squeezed into its face.

“Dr. Rough? We’re ready for takeoff,” said the eldest of the group.

“Good luck, minions,” Dr. Rough spoke into the watch.

“When we make the necessary arrangements, we’ll contact you.”

Dr. Rough nodded. “I’ll meet you at the rendezvous point in Canada,” he affirmed. “I’ll be waiting for your signal. Take care, you four. May the FANS be with you.”

Down below, he saw them wave in departure, and the propeller revved to life. He didn’t notice Drums put his arm around Sexi, until she cried “Ow!” as the point of his hook dug into her right shoulder.

“Sorry!” Drums sputtered quickly. Dr. Rough smiled to himself and reached down to pat MJ’s head.

There, at the window, he and Dr. Twitches, MJ, Drums, and Sexi stood and watched, as the airboat took off into the moonlit swamp.


± ± ±
FANthrax: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana



On the second floor of a quiet house, a few miles outside the city limits of Toronto, Ontario, a single window glowed amber in the fading twilight.

A peek inside would reveal a large man hunched over his desk. Although he was young, barely out of his teenage years, the man’s appearance was intimidating, even frightening. Long, tawny hair trailed halfway down his expansive back and hung in curtains over his shoulders as he hovered above his work. His beefy hand rose to stroke his double chins, the thick fingers tugging absently at his unkempt beard.

The females in Terrance Phillip’s life – friends, always just friends, with the exception of his mother – told him that if he would only cut his hair and shave that beard once in awhile, he might actually have a shot at picking up a woman. Terrance – or TP, as he now preferred to be called – didn’t believe them. All the hair hid his fat rolls, he felt, and gave people something besides his girth to notice about his physical appearance. Besides, it was just easier, not having to mess around with going to the barber or shaving every morning.

It was easier to hide behind the hair, just as it was easier to claim that he was too busy for a social life, what with community college and his pizza delivery job, and that he would rather stay at home than go out, anyway. In reality, the existence he lived was a lonely one, but even for the loneliest of souls, life is not without its pleasures.

Terrance, bending over his scrapbook, was immersed in one such pleasure. Last night had been the best of his life, and eighteen hours later, he was putting the finishing touches on the page that would preserve it, a memento he would always have to look back on, an exquisite record of a dream come true.

He had collaged every scrap he’d salvaged from the concert he had attended the night before, from his ticket stub right down to the bits of confetti he’d plucked from his hair and beard after the show. He’d listened to all of their albums, in chronological order, as he’d worked, singing along to the lyrics he knew by heart.

“Na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na, na… na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na…” he belted out in his toneless voice, using glue dots to carefully adhere the confetti pieces to his scrapbook page. “… I wanna show you how good it will be… Never needed anyone the way I need you right now…”

He drummed his slightly gluey fingers on the desktop, smiling down at the case of the CD that was playing, where the youthful faces of his four idols grinned up at him from a pit of colorful balls. It was their greatest hits album, Best of The Moffatts, and until last night, Terrance had never heard the songs on it sung live and believed he never would.

He’d been a boy of fourteen when his favorite band, The Moffatts, had gone their separate ways. For nine years, he had regretted never having convinced his mother to take him to one of their concerts, believing it was now too late. And then, just a few months ago, the announcement that had left him weeping for joy in front of his computer. A one-night-only Moffatts reunion show, right in his hometown of Toronto!

It had seemed almost too good to be true, that the four brothers would be reuniting for this one show, and that they’d be playing it on the complete other side of the country from their own home city, Vancouver. But the news was more than a dream. For Terrance, it was a dream come true.

He’d thrown all of his energy into preparing for the show, and now that it was over, he felt oddly depleted, lethargic. It had been a difficult day; on one hand, he’d reveled in the memories of seeing his favorite band live after all these years, but on the other, the post-concert depression had affected him physically almost as much as emotionally. He’d felt tired, under the weather, all morning, as if he were coming down with the flu. But he knew it wasn’t that. All he had was a case of the blues.

After lunch, he’d printed out his photos, sorted through his souvenirs, and sat down to scrapbook, hoping the memories and music would lift his spirits. And they had. He’d worked happily through the afternoon.

He reached for the last piece of metallic confetti, plucking it up carefully between his sausage-like fingers, so as not to smudge its shiny surface with his fingerprints. He dropped it into place on the scrapbook page and drew his fingertip along its edges to smooth it down. The swiping motion was too quick, and the edge of the confetti sliced into his index finger.

“Ow!” hissed Terrance, pulling his finger back as if he’d been burned. He held it up to the light to inspect the damage and saw a long slash across its tip. Beads of blood were starting to appear between the parted flaps of skin. It stung terribly. “Uncle Fucker, that hurts!” he exclaimed, sticking his finger in his mouth. He sucked on the blood, and his saliva worked to soothe the sting in his finger.

“Terrance! Dinner!” his mother’s voice drifted from downstairs, and Terrance turned down the music a little, checking the wall clock mounted among his Moffatts posters. It was already six o’clock.

Mooooom, I told you – it’s TP!” he called back. He looked down at the nearly-complete scrapbook page. He hated to leave it unfinished, but he also hated missing mealtimes. With a sigh, he put the CD player on pause and rose from his chair.

With the motion and effort of hoisting himself to his feet, the nausea came. It came suddenly and severely, and Terrance doubled over, one arm wrapped protectively around his stomach while the other clapped across his mouth as he tried to fight his gag reflex. The effort was in vain; after a couple of dry heaves, a sickly burp gurgled out of his throat, and in its wake came the vomit, rising unstoppably up his esophagus like magma in a volcano.

He erupted then, projectile vomiting right over his desktop, and as the acidic chunks of his partially-digested stomach contents spattered across his scrapbook, he cried out in horror, not only because his day’s work, his lifetime’s memories, were ruined, but because the vomit, like hot magma itself, was tinged bright red.

His cry was choked by a second attack of uncontrollable vomiting, and what finally brought his mother racing upstairs to his room was the thud of her son’s heavy body slamming into the floor above her as he collapsed.


  


“008!” Agent K shouted, causing the blonde-haired agent on the other side of the gym to look up from his punching bag and run over.

“Mornin’ K,” Nick replied, out of breath. It was then that he noticed the young man standing next to his boss. This couldn't possibly be good news… “What’s up?”

“I have a surprise for you, 008,” K replied. Nick looked at him expectantly, and he continued, “This is one of our new recruits, Chris Brown.”

“Okay…” Nick hoped this conversation wasn’t going the way he knew it would. He already had so much on his mind after everything that had happened to him over the last few months; the last thing he needed was-

“He’ll be paired with you while he’s in training.”

“Aww, come on, K!” Nick whined, and then looked at K with a raised eyebrow. “You really want me training a new agent?”

“There’s no one else who can, 008, so I don’t have a choice.”

“But I don’t have time for a shadow, K.”

“You’ll make time for a trainee, 008, or I’ll make time for you by keeping you away from any missions for another six months. Is that clear?”

Nick groaned. “Yes, inescapably clear, K.”

“Good.” He gave Chris a pat on the back, then looked back over at Nick. “I’m sure you two will get along just fine. Try to stay out of trouble.”

I was trying to stay out of trouble in the first place, Nick thought to himself. How am I supposed to get anything done with this kid following me around like a shadow?

“So…” Chris said once K walked away, noticing Nick deep in his own thoughts.

“Oh, sorry, man.” Nick said, as if waking himself up. He shook Chris’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Chris; I’m Nick. Please don’t call me 008.”

Chris laughed and shook Nick’s hand. “Hey, Nick. And you don’t have to call me Chris; people usually call me Styx.”

“Cool, Styx,” Nick said, before an awkward silence crept up on them. He looked back, saw the sparring ring was unoccupied, and an idea struck him like a moonwalking penguin that wasn’t paying attention to where it was going. “So, how about we get to know each other better and start your training at the same time?”

“Sounds good to me,” Styx replied, looking over at the same spot and flashing Nick a smile that he was sure made him as popular with the girls as Nick’s trademark grin had made him. Styx followed Nick over to the mat and took off his hoodie, revealing a wifebeater that showed off his defined muscles. Nick hadn’t expected anything less, since he knew that strength and agility were important qualities that HimTak looked for in its trainees. The question he had now was, Just how strong and agile is this kid? And why does K seem to think that no one else around here can train him?

“Let’s start with one round, and we’ll see how this goes. Alright?”

“Yep!” Styx gave him a nod as he stepped onto the large mat and got into a fighting stance, with his right fist near his ear and his left fist closer to the front of his face. Nick hit the “start” button on the automatic buzzer and got into his own fighting stance as they stared each other down, waiting for the first bell to sound. As it did, seconds later, Nick and Styx moved closer to each other, careful not to bring their fists down from their faces.

“So, how old are you?” Nick asked.

“Twenty-two. You?” Styx responded, taking a shot at Nick.

Nick ducked and moved to the side, taking a swipe at Styx. “Twenty-six.” He tried to throw a roundhouse kick, but Styx narrowly avoided it. “Where are you from?”

“Virginia.” Styx threw a kick of his own, but Nick was already on the other side of the mat, ready to throw another punch at him. “But I was recruited here from Duke University in North Carolina.”

“Duke, huh?” Nick’s punch landed in Styx’s arm, not its intended target. Styx was unfazed and tried to counter, but Nick blocked his punch.

“Yeah, I was a drummer in the marching band.” Styx tried to kick Nick in the stomach, but once again missed his target. He shook it off and refocused himself.

Nick watched him closely as they circled each other, formulating his next question. If there was one thing he’d learned from his time listening to Grasshopper and his wacky proverbs, it was that fighting was like a dance. One person leads, the other person follows, and right then, he was leading. The next move was his, and he needed to figure out what that move was going to be. He wasn’t going to let his new shadow get the best of him during their first sparring session. “So,” Nick said, taking a step to his right and smirking as Styx did the same. “How does someone go from being a marching band drummer to this?” Nick took this time to quickly step forward and throw a punch at Styx.

Styx, anticipating that Nick would strike, blocked the punch, although not as well as he had hoped, since the force of the hit did jolt him a bit. “Well, I got my degree in Criminal Justice. I also learned how to fight when I was about sixteen, because guys kept trying to kick my ass for hanging out with their girlfriends. I was sick of getting into trouble, wanted to know how to get myself out,” he explained, amongst various kicks, punches, and dodges from both sides.

Nick chuckled. “Girl trouble, huh? I’ve been there.” He threw another kick that Styx actually caught. He grabbed Nick’s leg and pushed him to the ground, a move that impressed Nick, since he probably would have done the same thing. It was then that he realized why K had assigned Styx to be his trainee: they were very much alike. Still, he wasn’t sure if that would work to his advantage, or be more trouble than he’d already expected.

“Not anymore, though,” Styx said with a sigh. “Well, actually, now I have a different kind of girl problem.”

“How so?” Nick asked, having picked himself up a few moments earlier. They’d resumed their pattern of circling the mat during the lulls in their conversation, but Nick was about to test a way to keep Styx on his toes. He remained in his place as Styx responded to his last question.

“My girl is pissed ‘cause I can’t spend as much time with her as I should,” he explained as they continued to circle the mat. Styx guessed that Nick was trying to surprise him with a random attack, which only caused him to be even more guarded, while continuing, “I think she’s about ready to kick my ass. She’s sexy as hell, but she could rearrange my face if she wanted to.”

“Sounds rough,” Nick replied, knowing quite a few girls who matched that description – most of whom worked for HimTak. “What does your family think of her?”

“They love her,” he replied, still wondering when Nick would make his next move. “Everyone thinks we’re a hot couple.” Styx was beginning to grow impatient, but knew that Nick was counting on that. “What does your fam’ think of you working here?”

“Actually,” Nick began to reply, finally making a move to swiftly kick Styx’s feet out from under him, successfully causing Styx to fall hard to the ground.

“Oh Nicky, be gentle; don’t hurt the fresh meat too quickly!” Lancy called out to Nick from where he stood just inside the door. He ran his eyes up and down Nick’s sweaty body. “What can I get you to do to get that sweaty with me?”

“How long have you been standing there?” Nick asked Lancy, holding his hand down to his defeated trainee. With one swipe to move his hand away, Styx kicked his legs out and jumped to an attack-ready position.

“You distracted me,” he spat out. “Rematch.”

“You’re not bad though, kid. Just takes time and training; you should’ve seen me when I started.”

Lancy giggled. “He was tripping over himself every two steps. I’d rush to help him, of course.”

“I still want a rematch, man.” Styx grinned good-naturedly. “See if I can’t teach you a move or two.”

“Boys, boys, as much as I’d love to watch you fight over me, Red has requested the honor of your presence in her lab.”

“New, and already being requested…” Smirking at Nick, Styx moved towards the door to leave, only to be stopped by Lancy placing his hand on his chest. He let out a small “oh.”

“Oh honey, not you; she wants Nick.” Lancy stuck his lips in the form of a pout at Styx. “You can stay in here and get all sweaty with me.” A small smile spread across Lancy’s face into a wide grin.

Nick pushed his way past the two, trying hard to hide his growing smile. “You boys have fun.” When he was safely away, Nick let the chuckle he was suppressing come to a hearty laugh. Quickly, he made his way to Red’s lab, curious as to why she would send someone to disrupt a training session. Pushing his way through the doors, Nick started to say some smartass comment, but stopped himself, seeing Jay and K standing in the room, waiting expectantly. K’s face was serious, showing no signs of the Disney mission months before and the side Nick had been able to glimpse that one time.

Nick moved his eyes from where Jay and K stood to Red Jewel’s face. Her face was solemn, though she attempted to smile when she saw the blonde agent walk into the room. “What’s new?” Nick asked, dispensing with his usual quirky banter. He could see this was not the time.

“An old friend just called me…” Red started.

“Was she not a good friend?” Nick asked playfully.

“Nick! Not now.” Red continued, “She works for the CIDPC, Canada’s Center for Disease Control, basically. There’s been some new outbreak that no one is able to pinpoint the origin of. The threat is fast-acting: those who are infected feel fine one minute; the next, they are vomiting blood. The cases they have seen come in do not last long, and some medical staff have become infected while aiding the ill.”

Nick had no comment for Red. How could you make a comment of any kind when you’d just found out that there was a disease killing many innocent people quickly?

“She’s called me in to see if I can be of some assistance; I have some resources available to me that she desperately needs.”

“What does her needing your help have to do with me?” Nick asked, feeling a bit selfish for seeming to care only about himself at a time like this.

“Nick, we need you to go with Red. This sounds like an act of bioterrorism. We need to find out how this disease started, how it is spreading, and hopefully find a way to contain the threat.” It was K who spoke. “You and Red will be catching a plane to New York... there, you will meet up with Brian, and the three of you will continue to Canada, where you will research the outbreak. Hopefully, Red will be able to come up with not only what – or who – started it, but also how to contain, if not cure, this disease.”

“You have no time to gather any items.” It was Jay who spoke this time. “You and Red are leaving immediately to the airport. Red is already ready to leave.”

“I was just in the training room; I am covered in sweat and am sure I smell funky. Can I at least clean up?”

Jay and K looked at each other, then verbally agreed. “No” was their answer. The four walked silently from the room. “We packed your gear already, buddy; well, I did ‘cause I have the fashion sense.” Jay handed Nick a bag, ignoring the look he earned from K. “You’ll find enough clothes for a week; everything else you need will be in the car in New York. Airways are already being closed down up north, so you’ll be driving to Canada after you meet with Brian. You can clean up then.”

Nick took the bag from Jay and followed Red down to the garage. Whistling appreciatively at the leg that showed as Red entered the car, he followed suit. The car raced off to take them to the airport. The ride was silent for only a few minutes before Nick could no longer take the quiet. Leaning in towards Red, he began to whisper in a pouty tone. “Too bad we are in such a rush; it would have been nice to take a nice, long road trip alone with you.”

Red rolled her eyes and pushed Nick away. “I wish they’d let you shower before we left. Maybe if they had, I wouldn’t have minded some ‘us’ time.” She smiled at him then.

“There’s always the ride home, Jewel.” He smirked. “There’s always the ride home.”


  
FANthrax: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
They arrived in New York a few hours later, to a location secured by K. Making their way through the door, they saw that Brian was already there. Nick frowned when Red immediately made her way over to Brian, shaking hands with him.

“Nick,” Brian said formally, giving him a slight nod.

“Hey,” Nick muttered.

Brian smirked before looking back at Red, growing serious. “I’ve been briefed on the situation, though I don’t know very much.”

“Neither do we. Basically, the victim is fine one minute and, the next, coughing up blood. It’s very strange.”

“Do we have any idea how fast it’s spreading?”

Red shook her head. “Not sure. There’s been a few cases reported, but the bouts don’t seem to last too long.”

“From what I’ve been told, we have no idea where it started from.”

“True, it just kinda sprung from nowhere. The really bad thing is, it seems possible that it’s airborne. Apparently, the staff treating the infected are becoming ill themselves. That said, the possible death toll could spike pretty fast if that‘s the case. I imagine that it’s going to be hard to quarantine if they have to be treated and the other doctors are becoming infected,” Red sighed.

“What about surgical masks?” Brian asked.

“They’re wearing them, and they’re still getting it. Maybe it’s just passed by contact, not necessarily through the air. That may make it a bit easier to contain, but…”

“Couldn’t they wear those cool spacesuit-looking things? Ya know, like what the astronauts wear?” Nick questioned, feeling decidedly left out of the conversation.

Brian smirked. “Sure, Nick.”

“No, no, he’s got a point; they do have those airtight Hazmat suits. Not quite astronaut suits, Nick, but I do know what you mean,” Red chuckled.

Nick smiled smugly at Brian, sticking his tongue out at him when Red turned away from him. Brian glared at him before looking at Red.

“So, what’s our next step here, then?”

“Well, we have to find out where this thing came from and how it’s spreading, aside from a possible airborne illness, although, to me, that’s bad enough. If it’s spread through actual physical contact, which I’m hoping for...”

Nick blanched; the whole thing just sucked. Looking around suddenly, Nick felt like he could get sick any second. Who knew; he felt fine now, but the next, he could be hurling like the morning after a good party. He sighed sadly. What he wouldn’t give to be at a party right now, the drinks sliding smoothly down his throat, the ladies all lining up for a chance with him, and…

“Uhh, Nick, your phone is ringing,” Red announced.

“Huh? Oh, damn,” Nick mumbled, reaching into his pocket to pull his phone out. He looked at the ID, and his face lit up. “Di!”

“Hey, Nick! How’s it going?”

“Great, now that I’m talking to you.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to touch base with you, see how things were going.”

“We’re just looking into a few things here. How are things with you?”

“Great! I’m really excited to be working with Vitruvian.”

Nick frowned. “Ya know, I’m really upset about this.”

“About what?”

“The fact that we never get to be on a mission together.”

“Nick, we’ve been on missions together; don’t say that.”

“But not enough, Di. Nowhere near enough. Don’t you know I need copious amounts of Diamonds to make me a happy boy?”

“Copious? Are you serious, Nick?”

“What? It’s true, I do. I’m miserable. Diamonds aren’t just a girl’s best friend, ya know,” he said softly. “Oh wow, I have to get off this phone right now. This is just sad.”

“It is not. If you need Diamonds to make you happy, Nick, there’s something seriously wrong with you. Besides, leave that to us ladies, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nick sighed.

“Aww, don’t sound so sad. I’m sure we’ll be on a mission together soon.”

“It would be nice if I believed that you honestly wanted it, if you sounded sincerely upset.”

Diamond chuckled. “I’m hurting on the inside, Nick, trust me.”

Before Nick could respond, he heard a male voice in the background call out, “Oh, Di-Di!” He recognized it immediately as Leo’s, and he scowled at his phone.

“I gotta go, Nick,” Diamond said, causing Nick to refocus his thoughts away from Leo Di-Crapio and how much he detested the new 00-Agent. “Leo’s here to take me out to dinner,” she giggled, and Nick rolled his eyes. “He’s so sweet! You know I can’t resist a luxurious night out.”

“I know something else you can’t resist…” Nick replied, hoping to bring her attention back to him before his anger towards Leo could get the best of him.

“Me too.” Diamond giggled again. “Coming, Leo!”

Nick pulled the phone away from his ear as he heard a click, and the flashing numbers on the screen confirmed that she had ended their conversation. He walked back over towards Red and Brian, who eyed him curiously, and only stopped long enough to pick up his duffel bag. “Let’s go! Now!” he called over his shoulder to them, as he angrily shoved the door open, letting it slam shut as he walked outside. Brian and Red looked at each other for a moment, before hastily catching up to Nick. He was leaned up against the driver’s side door of his car, sunglasses reflecting the sunlight as he looked up and watched Red and Brian walk over to him.

“Are you alright, Nick?” Red asked as she tossed her bag into the trunk. It didn’t take a lot of perception to notice that his conversation with Diamond had ruffled his feathers.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, flashing her a smile in the hope that it would keep her from asking him any more questions about his bad mood. Once they had all stashed away their suitcases and gotten into the car, Nick silently turned the key in the ignition and felt his heart pump faster as he pressed his foot down on the gas pedal and the car shot off towards the highway.

An hour or so later, they finally crossed over into Canada and were well on their way to meeting up with Red’s friend, Jeanie Boulet, in Toronto. Red was informing Nick and Brian about the possible procedures they would encounter once they got there, to keep their chances of being infected with the virus as low as possible.

Nick knew he should have been paying more attention to what Red was telling them, but his mind kept drifting off to thoughts of Diamond.

“Nick…” Red trailed off, worry in her voice.

Nick ignored her as his thoughts continued, and at that moment, he happened to glance at a sign that said “SPEED LIMIT: 100 KPH.” Figuring the “K” in “KPH” probably stood for some Canadian word for “miles,” Nick contentedly continued pressing down on the gas pedal, and the car sped up immensely as it weaved through the traffic. Images kept running through his mind. Diamond and Leo. Diamond sipping champagne while Leo fed her strawberries. “Damnit!” he exclaimed, unaware that he was now vocalizing his frustrations. “I fucking hate that Leo dude.”

“Um, Nick…?” Red again tried to catch Nick’s attention before he spoke again. She could tell that he was only getting started on his tirade.

“Who does he think he is?” Nick continued, still ignoring Red. She and Brian exchanged a concerned glance before both turning their attention back to the driver of the car. “’Oh Di-Di!’” Nick said in a mocking tone, scrunching his face into an exaggerated sneer. “What a dumbass girly nickname! Di-Di. Even Lancy would think that’s too frilly.”

“Nick!” Brian exclaimed.

“And his nickname, what the hell is up with that? Vitruvian.” Nick’s face twisted with disdain. “It’s fucking retarded, that’s what it is. ‘Work of art,’ my ass. He’s a piece of work, alright!” Nick growled. “I bet she’s wearing that low-cut pink dress she wore the first time I took her out.”

“Damnit, Nick!” Brian again tried to snap Nick out of his angry stupor. He was really starting to get annoyed with Nick now, especially since he had hardly any idea who Nick was even talking about. Red frowned as she watched Nick closely; his knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly, and his muscles were all tense with rage. What concerned her most was that he didn’t seem to be paying any attention at all to the road in front of him.

“And I know all the tricks she’s probably using on him, too. And that little creep’s gotta have moves of his own, too-”

“NICK!” Red and Brian finally shouted in unison.

“WHAT?!” Nick hollered back at them. Did they have to yell at him? It was bad enough they were interrupting his train of thought. As he looked back at the road, he realized why Red and Brian had been so eager to get his attention that they were screaming – the cars on the road were coming straight at them, horns honking at him as the drivers angrily cursed him as they passed by. “Oh shit!”

“Nick, look out!” Brian exclaimed, as an eighteen-wheeler semi came barreling towards them. They all screamed as Nick tried to steer past it, but was unable to get far enough out of the way. Suddenly, the wheel began to turn frantically in Nick’s hands, causing the car to swerve off the road and, ultimately, crash into a tree.

Nick peered over at Red in the passenger’s seat and at Brian in the backseat, grateful that they were all unharmed. Nick suspected that Pearl had equipped the car with more than enough airbags than it needed to protect its passengers from serious injury, but wasn’t even about to try to figure out how she rigged it to steer itself away from huge-ass trucks. Too bad it didn’t get out of the way of the tree, too.

Everyone slowly got out of the car and brushed themselves off, and once they had all caught their breath, Brian swiftly smacked Nick in the back of the head.

“Ow! What the hell was that for?”

“You idiot, you almost got us KILLED!” Brian shouted.

“But… I was on the opposite side of the road like I should have been!”

“That’s ENGLAND, you dummy! England, ya DILDO!”

Nick stared blankly, processing this new information for a few moments. All he could do was blink before he calmly let his thoughts slip out once more. “Brian… just called me a dildo…”

Red shook her head and pressed it into her palm as the three of them heard a police siren approach, and the police car it belonged came to a stop a few feet away from them. The police officer slowly got out of his car, and Nick was actually surprised that he was dressed like an American police officer; he always thought that Canadian police all dressed up like Dudley Do-Right.

“Hey there,” the officer said with a slight tip of his hat. “Which one of you was the driver of this vehicle?”

Nick stepped forward and raised his hand slightly. “That would be me, sir.”

The officer looked him over and nodded. “Can I see your license, please, eh?” Nick nodded and pulled his driver’s license out, handing it to the officer. He stood there nervously as the officer looked his license over closely. “American, eh?” Nick nodded again, and the officer laughed. “Well, Mr. Carter, seeing as you just crossed over the border here, I’ll let you off with a couple of tickets.”

“Yes, officer, and – wait, a couple of tickets?” Nick asked, as the officer handed him his license and he put it away. He silently prayed that he’d misheard the officer, and his accent made whatever he actually said sound like “a couple of tickets.”

“Yep,” the officer confirmed as he took out a large pad of paper and began to write on it. “One for reckless driving…” He pulled out the white paper and handed it to Nick. “… and one for speeding.” He finished his sentence as he pulled out the second piece of white paper he’d just written on. “Now, I better not catch you makin’ trouble around here again.”

“Oh, we’ll be careful, officer,” Brian spoke up.

“Good.” The officer smiled. “Have a wonderful day now, and welcome to Canada!”

“Yeah, wonderful day,” Nick muttered. First, he got stuck with a new shadow – who thankfully wasn’t there to see this disaster – and then he got a call from Diamond, who only wanted to talk about Leo Di-Jerkface, then he crashed his car because the Canadians didn’t drive on the right side of the road, and, to top it all off, now he had two tickets to pay off that HimTak would certainly not cover.

Looking down at the tickets, his eyes immediately were drawn to the dollar amounts at the bottom of the forms. “Hey, wait! Is this in American dollars or Canadian… um… money?” He sighed as the police car drove off, the officer obviously not hearing his question well enough to answer it as he waved goodbye, while merging back onto the highway.

Red tried her hardest not to laugh, but ended up laughing anyway. She looked at Nick apologetically as she tried to regain her composure, her laughter slowly dying down to a quiet giggle.

Brian rolled his eyes and plopped down in the backseat of the car, leaving the door open as he sat facing Nick, who was pacing back and forth to keep himself calm. “I knew I should’ve driven this time…” he muttered to himself.

“Ha!” Nick replied, having heard Brian’s comment when pacing past him. “But you can’t drive this car because it only answers to me!”

“Yeah, but even the car itself did a better job of driving than you did. And it crashed into a tree.”

Red stifled her laughter this time, and Nick picked up a large stick laying nearby and chucked it into the forest in front of him, before turning to look at the damage to the car, wondering how they were going to get to the hospital now.


  


On the 200 block of Elizabeth Street, in the heart of Toronto, heads turned as a massive vehicle came rolling up the street, its bass blaring, drumbeats thundering through its closed windows.

In the backseat, Brian massaged his temples, as if he had a headache. He leaned forward, sticking his head between the two front seats, and asked, “Tell me why again you felt the need to rent a Hummer?”

“I already told you,” said Nick from behind the wheel, not bothering to turn around. “That’s all the rental place had.”

“Liar.”

“I’m serious!”

“Red?”

In the passenger seat, Red Jewel turned down the stereo, which was blaring Disturbed, glanced at Nick, and turned around to meet Brian face to face. “He’s lying,” she confirmed, smiling in a satisfied way.

“Am not!” Nick protested.

“Are too,” Red replied coolly. “You have a terrible poker face. You always smile… or blush.” She reached out and pinched his cheek, which had, indeed, been turning pink.

Nick twisted away from her, scrunching up his face. “Alright, alright, you got me. I just thought a Hummer would look cool. ‘Specially if we get to drive it wearing those spacesuit things.”

“Hazmat suits,” Red corrected for a second time.

“Yeah, those. C’mon Littrell, don’t you think?”

“You know what I think?” Brian chimed in. “I think my green-lovin’ cousin is gonna flip when he finds out you wrecked your car, the custom car he allowed you to have, and then used company money to rent the king of all gas-guzzlers as a replacement. Can you imagine the reaction, Red? I think I’m gonna have to be there.”

Red giggled. “K is gonna be pissed,” she admitted, with a sidelong glance at Nick.

“Which is why we stick with the story: this is all the rental place had,” insisted Nick stubbornly.

“And not only a Hummer, but a bright yellow one?” Brian ranted on. “I mean, really, Carter? I thought you HimTak guys liked to stay inconspicuous. There’s nothing inconspicuous about buzzing through downtown Toronto in a giant bumblebee!”

“Like I said… that’s all the rental place had. And if that’s not good enough…” Nick paused to turn down the stereo further. “Down With the Sickness” descended to a faint hum. “… then you know what we say?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “What do we say?”

“We say… ‘BLAME CANADA!’”

Red giggled. Brian groaned.

Nick grinned, and promptly launched into… “Blame Canada! Blame Canada! With all their beady little eyes and flapping heads so full of lies…”

“Nick.”

“Blame Canada! Blame Canada!”

“Nick?”

“We need to form a full assault; it’s Canada’s fault!”

“NICK!”

“What?!” Nick shouted, slamming his hands on the steering wheel. The horn honked. “Can’t you at least let me finish the fucking chorus?”

“Not when you’re about to drive right past the hospital!” Red exclaimed. “We’re here!”

“What? Oh – shitballs!” Looking up to see the blue letters spelling out TORONTO GENERAL HOSPITAL on the façade of a tall, tan building, Nick slammed on the brakes. He jerked the wheel to the right at the same time, causing the Hummer to bounce up onto the curb. “Oops.” He reversed and managed to back the front wheel off the curb, parallel parking neatly next to it. “Who’s da man?”

Neither Red, nor Brian responded. They both seemed eager to get out and away from the bright yellow Hummer. Not Nick, though. He turned up the stereo for one more chorus of “Down With the Sickness,” drumming his fingers on the steering wheel and head-banging a little, before he finally opened his door and jumped down.

When he looked up, Red and Brian were staring at him, and with them was another woman, also staring. She looked more bewildered than amused, like Red, or exasperated, like Brian. Nick strode up to the three of them, grinning. “Just needed one last dose of this mission’s theme music,” he explained.

Red stepped forward, touching the other woman’s arm. “Nick, this is my good friend from med school, Dr. Jeanie Boulet. Jeanie, meet my, uh… colleague… Agent Nick Carter.”

Nick gave Jeanie an appreciative smile, drinking in her beauty. She had skin the color of caramel and eyes like drops of coffee deep enough, he could drown in them. Her return smile was warm and kind, though he could detect the stress behind it and in the lines around her dark eyes.

“So, Dr. Boulet, you’re one of those infectious disease specialists, right?” Nick inquired. “Maybe you can answer this question for me: When do we get to put on the cool spacesuit things?”

Red groaned. “For the last time, Nick, they’re called Hazmat suits.”

Brian gave her a look, as if to say, Don’t bother getting annoyed; he’s clearly suffered some kind of traumatic brain injury. Red smirked back, as if to say, I know.

Oblivious to this exchange, Nick nodded eagerly. “Yeah, those! When do we get to put on those?”


  
FANthrax: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
Nick thought he had gotten the sillies out of his system.

When he’d first gotten into his yellow Hazmat suit, he’d announced, “That’s one small step for Nick… one giant leap for Nick-kind!” and proceeded to lumber around the room, pretending he was prancing on the moon.

“Nick-kind is right,” snorted Brian with disdain, through his own Hazmat mask.

Nick had then launched into the “Imperial March” and stalked across the floor as Darth Vader, breathing loudly. “No. I am your father,” he told Brian. “Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

Brian rolled his eyes and ignored him.

By the time they were ready to go into the infected area of the hospital, Nick thought he’d gotten used to the suit, which was actually kind of stuffy and claustrophobic. Jeanie led them into the emergency department, explaining, “Patient zero, a teenage girl, was admitted yesterday morning. Between ten a.m. and ten p.m., so were some two hundred others. All but one of the original wave of patients have died by now, but not before infecting others. We’ve isolated an entire wing to quarantine them, but the ER is still being inundated with new cases. Most of these present originally with flu-like symptoms, followed by…”

As Jeanie got into the medical mumbo-jumbo, Nick’s mind wandered. He thought of Neil Armstrong again, of walking on the moon, and then he thought of the Moonwalk. He thought of that little penguin down in Antarctica, doing the Moonwalk, and he giggled under the helmet of his suit. The intro to “Billie Jean” began to play in his mind, building gradually. He began to hum along. “Hm, hmhm, hm… hm, hmhm, hm…”

The tiled floor of the hospital was shiny and smooth, perfect for Moonwalking. He popped one heel up, slid his opposite foot back, and attempted a Moonwalk across the floor, right into someone who shouted, “Hey!”

Nick whirled around, already stammering an apology, and found himself face to face with a man who was as tall as he, but lankier, with a long, crooked nose and brown eyes that were currently blazing with anger behind the clear shield of his mask. His white lab coat, green scrubs, latex gloves, and stethoscope gave him away as a doctor.

“Watch where you’re going, will ya?” the doctor scolded, but his eyes had already softened. He was not, Nick decided, a hardass by nature.

“What were you doing, Nick?” asked Red, giving him the most intense “What the fuck?” look he’d ever seen her pull. He grinned sheepishly, as she went on, “Jeanie’s giving us valuable information about the virus, and you’re…?”

“Moonwalking,” Nick inserted.

“Moonwalking??” Red repeated incredulously, shaking her head. She leaned closer to him, tilting her head back so that the face shields of their helmets practically touched, and looked into his eyes. “Tell me, Nick, have you ever been officially diagnosed with ADHD?”

“Officially? No.”

Her brows lifted. “Well, then… consider yourself diagnosed.”

Nick was just about to ask her if she could write him a prescription for Ritalin then, when he heard Jeanie say, “Ah, Carter. I was just looking for you.”

He gaped at her in confusion. “Huh? I was right behind you the whole time. I swear!”

“Not you. Meet Dr. John Carter, attending physician in the ER. Dr. Carter, this is Dr. Julianne Llewellyn, CIA Agent Brian Littrell, and Agent Nick Carter. I told you they’d be coming.”

“Right,” Dr. Carter nodded. “What would you like to see first?”

“Jeanie said there was just one patient still living from the original wave,” Red spoke up at once. “Could we see her?”

“Him,” corrected Dr. Carter, “and of course. He’s in the quarantine wing; I’ll take you there.”

He led them to the elevator, which they took to the seventh floor. “Normally, this wing is where our transplant patients stay, post-op,” Dr. Carter explained as they stepped onto the floor. “The rooms are all isolation units, to protect our immunosuppressed patients from nosocomial infection. When we locked down the hospital, we transported those patients to other hospitals and converted this to our quarantine ward.”

A pair of security guards stood in front of the ward doors. They nodded to Dr. Carter as he escorted the others through. As they trooped through the ward, Nick couldn’t help but peek into the rooms they passed. Every last one of them housed patients, and none looked well. Some appeared worse than others, with black pustules on their skin, blood seeping from their orifices.

“Carter?”

Nick turned automatically, but the nurse who had poked her head out from one of the rooms was looking at the other Carter, the one with the M.D. behind his name.

“Can you come pronounce the patient in 5? Coded a few minutes ago.”

“In a minute,” Carter replied. “Let me get these guys down to 12.”

They only passed a couple more rooms when another nurse appeared. “Oh, Carter, there you are,” she said, and again, Nick started. “Can I give Mrs. Alwyn another dose of morphine?”

“Go ahead,” replied the doctor.

They continued on, finally stopping outside room 712.

“The patient is a twenty-two-year-old male named Terrance Phillip,” Carter briefed them. “He was brought to the ER last night by his mother, after vomiting blood and collapsing at home. He’s the last one alive of yesterday’s patients. I doubt he’ll make it through the night.”

Red peered through the glass walls of his room. “Is he conscious?”

“In and out.”

“May we go in?”

“Of course. Just try not to upset him.”

“We’ll keep it brief.” Red opened the door. Jeanie and Brian followed.

Nick hesitated, not sure he wanted to go any further, but then he remembered that this was a mission, and K was counting on him to find out as much as he could. If this man was the last of the original patients infected with the virus, he might be their last chance to discover its origins. With that thought in mind, he entered the room and let the door close behind him.

Red was already leaning over the patient. He was a large man, easily filling the width of the bed. His face was half-hidden by facial hair, lots and lots of dirty blonde hair, but the skin that was visible was ashy gray and pocked with black pustules. Beneath the oxygen mask that covered his mouth and nose, Nick could see blood caked in his beard and mustache, where it had seeped from his nostrils and the corners of his mouth. It had run from his ears, too, and dried in his sideburns. Even at the corners of his closed eyes, rivulets of blood trickled like tears.

If this was what he looked like on the outside, Nick couldn’t imagine the inside. He didn’t want to. Yet, somehow, Terrance Phillip was still alive. Not for long, though. His wheezing breaths sounded labored, as if they could stop at any moment. He watched Red’s face as her eyes panned his monitors, reading the numbers. They were meaningless to Nick, but he could tell by her grim expression that they weren’t good.

She reached out, her gloved hand closed into a fist, and rubbed the center of the man’s chest with her knuckles. “Mr. Phillip?” she asked as she did this. “Terrance?”

His bloodshot eyes fluttered open. They rolled towards her, sliding in and out of focus.

“I’m Dr. Llewellyn. If you can stay awake for me, I just want to ask you a few questions about how you got sick, so that we can help you. Can you do that for me?”

Terrance opened his mouth, but the only sound that escaped it was a gurgling noise, as if there was blood clogging his throat, too. He gave a weak nod instead.

“Great. Do you have any idea what made you sick, Terrance?”

Terrance shook his head slowly.

“When did you first start experiencing symptoms?”

Terrance took a few, rasping breaths before choking out, “Last… night.”

“And you were at home?”

A nod.

“Can you think of anything you did in the last few days that might have contributed to this? Anything out of the ordinary? Did you go anywhere special?”

While Terrance seemed collect his thoughts and his strength, Nick looked around. There were tubes that ran beneath the sheets, going in and out of Terrance’s body. Some connected to IVs, feeding drugs into his system. Others led to plastic containers that hung from the rails of his bed, draining fluids. One held blood. Another held a thinner liquid the color of eggplant.

“What is that?” he whispered to Jeanie, motioning to the container.

“Urine,” she replied out of the corner of her mouth.

“Urine? You mean, pee? His piss is purple?”

“It’s a symptom of the virus. It causes a build-up of blood and heme in the urine, which turns it purple.”

“Weird, dude…”

He turned his attention back to the patient. Red was still trying to get an answer out of him, but he seemed unable to give it. Blood bubbled from his lips, popping beneath the mask. All of a sudden, the monitors over his bed went haywire. His bloodshot eyes rolled backwards into his head, and his body began to twitch before suddenly falling limp. The hospital bed creaked beneath his dead weight. The heart monitor whined as it flatlined.

Nick turned to Red. “Can you bring him back? Shock him, or something? We didn’t get anything out of him!”

She shook her head. “He’s got blood coming from every orifice. That’s a sign of massive internal hemorrhage. This virus has eaten away at his organs until there’s no function left. His insides are probably like soup.”

Nick felt his stomach turn. “Thanks for the visual there, Jewel.” Beneath his helmet, Brian’s face looked rather green, as well.

“Sorry,” said Red. “But he’s gone.”

“Another casualty,” sighed Jeanie. She exchanged glances with Red, then shifted her eyes to Brian and Nick. “We’re working around the clock to find an antidote here. But we need you to figure out where this started, where it all came from. Until we know the origin, we may not be able to discover the cure.”

Nick looked at Brian, who nodded. “We’ll find it, Dr. Boulet. You’ve got the best of both agencies on the case now… oh, and Nick.”

“Hey!” sputtered Nick. “Fuck you!”

“Just kidding, Carter,” Brian chuckled. “I figured someone had to lighten the tension in here.”

“Have a little respect, Littrell, geesh!”

“Like you should talk, Carter.”

Dr. Carter suddenly strode in. “Did someone say my name?”

Nick groaned. “And this is why I insist on being called Double-0 Carter.”

“Or just 008,” Red put in.

Nick glared at her. “Did K pay you to say that? Shut up.”

To further his annoyance, The Rok laughed.


  


Rolling her eyes at the neverending bickering between Rok and Nick, Red knew only she could get their attention back on the mission. She made a mental note to inform Agent K not to send Nick on any mission that involved the CIA again. Not unless it was absolutely necessary, a matter of life and death. There was too much testosterone that she had to handle when these two completely different agents were under the same roof.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said, as nurses came inside to collect the body of Terrance Phillip. Thankfully, the others followed suit. No one really wanted to stare at the damaged form of a victim.

“So Terrance Phillip was one of the first patients to be admitted with symptoms?” Red asked, once they were out of the room and into the corridor.

Dr. Carter nodded. “We didn’t really know what was wrong with him up until the other victims showed up with the same complaints: flu-like symptoms, shortness of breath, blood in the sputum or vomit…”

“… Purple pee,” Nick inserted, making a face. “Man, this is the most wicked virus I’ve ever heard of.”

Dr. Carter eyed Nick for a second and gave a brief nod before continuing. “I have to say, we’ve never encountered such a disease before, but I believe all of them were exposed to the same virus at some point in the last few days. But we took a history on all the casualties, and none of them share any resemblance. They don’t go to the same school or job; they don’t live in the same neighborhood, nor attend the same social activities. We feel like we’re trapped. Don’t even know where to start to search for the virus.”

“I got an idea,” Nick spoke up again.

Brian let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you even care about what the doctor’s been saying? At all? Have you heard even one sentence he said?”

“Yes, I was listening, though, thanks to Red here, I have just been diagnosed with a severe case of ADHD-”

“For which you need an immediate treatment-”

“-and I’m about to offer up some ideas if you could just hold your temper for a second.”

Red gave an apologetic look at a baffled Dr. Carter and Jeanie. She was damn sure they had never had encountered such a pair of agents, bickering like an old married couple, and she had to admit that she was getting quite embarrassed at how both of them were behaving. She had to step in. Again.

“I’m pretty sure we all know what’s been going on with these victims,” she piped up, loud enough to allay their bickering, in hopes of also capturing their attention. “What we need to know now is how and from where it spread. We need to focus on the actual place where the virus was encountered the first time.”

“What’s there to focus on?” Nick chimed. “If the victims can’t be interrogated, and we don’t know of any source where they might have been exposed to the virus, we need to go to their homes, talk to their families and neighbors and friends, and look for any kind of evidence. We might as well start with this guy.”

Dr. Carter cleared his throat to speak. “I believe Mr. Carter here is right about investigating Mr. Phillip’s house. I don’t know what you might come up with, but you can talk to his mother and get more information about the last things he did before getting sick. It may lead you to another clue, if all else fails.”

Red nodded slowly. “Yeah, I think that could help.” She eyed Brian, who was standing next to her, looking clearly bewildered at the fact that Nick had come up with a solution… a rational one, at that. Red laughed inwardly. It looked like the CIA agent was battling with himself and his prejudices towards Nick. That was why Nick was one of the best in the agency: he wasn’t only about mischief and great looks; he was a Double-0 agent because of his talents, his quick thinking and his ability to handle even the toughest missions with ease... well, most of the time.

“Great Carters think alike,” Nick replied with all his cockiness, as he threw a playful fist to Rok’s shoulder. “How do you like that, CIA? Ha.”

Through his clenched teeth, Brian spoke before turning around to get out of the hospital. “Shut up, 008. I’m driving.”

The ride to Terrance Phillip’s house went pretty smoothly, much to Red’s surprise. They found the right street without any hassle at all, and Red was actually thankful that the rented Hummer had a GPS and that Brian was driving.

It wasn’t that hard to locate the house, since it had been put under quarantine. The police, under orders from the health department, had sealed the windows and doors with large sheets of plastic and surrounded the property with barricade tape and keep-out signs.

Brian parked the Hummer next to a couple of police cars and ambulances, trying to ignore the stares they received from the officers.

“Who will even take three agents in Hazmat suits getting out of a bright yellow Hummer seriously anyway?” he muttered under his breath, as they all got out of the Hummer and made their way towards the entrance.

“I find your lack of faith disturbing, young Jedi,” said a very bad impersonation of Darth Vader.

Brian didn’t need to turn around to see the smirk on the face of the blonde agent. Instead, he continued walking towards the tent that was set up for the officers and the medics in front of the house.

“We’re supposed to meet another agent who’s been assigned on to investigate the situation,” Red spoke up, following Brian closely. Nick was right behind them, still doing the worst impersonation of Darth Vader ever.

A pretty brunette approached them with a broad smile the minute they walked in.

“The Force is strong with this one,” Nick spoke in his Darth Vader’s voice behind Brian. “Niiice…”

Brian scoffed. “She’s way out of your league, 008.”

Nick let out a soft laugh, which came out as a loud Darth Vader breath through the mask. “Don’t underestimate the Force, young Jedi.”

“Hello. We’ve been expecting you,” the woman said, in a firm voice. “I’m Agent Julilly Kirk, CSIS.” She shook Brian’s and Red’s hands through their suits.

“It’s nice to meet you, Agent Kirk. I’m Dr. Julianne Llewellyn, head of the medical department at HimTak, and this is Brian Littrell from CIA. And this is-“

“Carter… Nick Carter,” Nick jumped in, taking Agent Kirk’s hand and trying to bring it to his lips to kiss, as much as the Hazmat suit allowed. He only succeeded in knocking her knuckles against the visor of his helmet. “Always a pleasure to work with the local government,” he continued quickly in his most charming voice, offering a suave wink to make up for his blunder.

“Pleasure working with the government? Give me a break!” Brian let out a loud scoff which sounded more like a grunt through his helmet.

Agent Kirk gave a brief laugh and managed to turn her hand in Nick’s palm to shake. “Nice to meet you too, Agent Carter. The pleasure is all mine to work with such qualified agents on a case like this.” She looked at Red and Brian as she spoke, but then her gaze landed back on Nick for a briefly longer time. “And charming, I might add.”

“Blame the Canadian agents if they fail to notice such a jewel,” replied Nick. He wiggled his eyebrows seductively.

“Excuse me?!” Red spoke from her corner, hearing Nick call the Canadian agent “Jewel.” Now this was new.

“I wouldn’t blame them for being less forward and desperate, as a matter of fact,” Julilly Kirk said, laughing.

Nick folded his hands on his chest with a feigned, wounded look on his face. “Straight through my heart! You shot me. I just can’t believe it…”

“Ohh…” crowed Brian in amusement.

Julilly rolled her eyes. “Not as bad as you’ve done with God knows how many other women.”

“I wouldn’t judge a book by its cover, if I were you.”

“Um, can we go investigate the house now?” Red tried to cut in, eying Brian, who had already given up on making any progress before the flirting ended between the two agents and was walking toward the medics to collect some information himself.

Julilly turned around to Red and offered an apologetic look for neglecting the other agents. “I’m sorry, Dr. Llewellyn, but before going inside the house, the medics want to brief you and Agent Littrell on the virus and the victims. You can also check out their records; I just went through them, and I believe they contain some important intelligence about the victim.”

Shrugging and actually seeing a point in Julilly’s words, Red turned around to examine the files that were stuffed on the desk near her. Any more information she could take in before investigating the house itself would be a bonus.

“… jewel like you.”

“Huh?” Red was snapped from her world a few minutes later by someone calling her name, only to realize it was Nick, calling Julilly by her nickname.

Shaking her head in irritation, she turned her attention back to the files.

So according to his mother, the Terrance Phillip guy had seemed totally normal up until the previous night, when he’d been in his room, busy with… scrapbooking? Red let out a soft laugh; it was quite odd for a man to have a scrapbook. And then his mother had heard him collapse upstairs and come up, only to find her son lying in his own vomit, full of… blood.

“… such a jewel like you would love a ride in my Hummer.”

Red was startled once again when she heard her name.

“Look, not that I don’t appreciate the offer,” she heard Julilly saying, “but you gotta try harder than that.”

“I like to be challenged.” Nick leaned forward. “Makes me appreciate the jewel even more.”

Red slapped the papers down on the desk in frustration. “This is getting too annoying,” she muttered. She wasn’t sure which one was more nauseating: a victim dying in a pool of his own bloody vomit, or Nick and a Canadian agent flirting shamelessly – in Hazmat suits.

With her years of experience as a doctor, she could pick the latter in a heartbeat.

“So I’ve learned that the victim’s mother is still in the house, basically refusing to leave.” Brian was back, dragging her attention away.

Red sighed with relief. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you.” She pointed at Nick and Julilly. “I’ve been really getting sick of this.”

Brian cackled, only to be met with Red’s stern look. “I never understood how Nick could impress any girl with his flirting, but I bet this time, he really won’t get his way.”

“As much as I don’t like him flirting during a mission,” Red muttered and eyed the CIA agent, “I have to quote, ‘Don’t underestimate the Force, young Jedi.’”

With that, she turned around to walk towards Terrance Phillip’s house.


  


The four slowly made their way up to the house. Brian knocked, and they all waited. Suddenly, the door swung open, and a woman stood before them.

“Hello, ma’am. My name is Agent Littrell; I’m with the CIA. We’re here on behalf of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, and we’d like to ask you some questions about your son, if you have a moment,” Brian said softly, flashing his badge.

“I already spoke to the police. What’s left to be said?” the woman asked, wiping at her eyes with a tissue.

“We know, ma’am, and we don’t mean to bother you… We just have some follow-up questions for you. It’ll only take a few moments.” Julilly smiled sympathetically.

The woman turned, making her way inside, and the four followed her, Nick closing the door behind them. Terrance Phillip’s mother ushered them into her living room, and they all sat down.

“What is it that you want to know?” Mrs. Phillip asked, eyeing them skeptically.

“Well, we know you said that your son Terrance didn’t seem different; you noticed no changes. Did he mention places he was going? Or maybe some new people he was hanging out with?” Brian questioned.

She shook her head. “No, like I said, everything was fine. I mean, he ate earlier, just some cereal – he loved Fruity Pebbles –
and then he went out for a bit, and he came home from the store with some new things for his scrapbooking – oh, you know, he just loved to scrapbook. One year, he made this really nice one for me for my b-birthday, and n-now…”

Nick suppressed a smirk, imagining the big guy they’d seen in the hospital, with long, ZZ Top hair and a heavy metal beard, eating Fruity Pebbles and scrapbooking. Never judge a book by its cover, he supposed. If he’d learned anything from the business of espionage, it should be that. Trying to focus back in on the conversation, he turned a sympathetic eye towards the kid’s mother.

“We’re very sorry for your loss, ma’am. We know how hard this must be for you,” Julilly said softly. The other three nodded in agreement.

“Do you think it may be possible for us to see his room?” Brian asked.

“Well, I suppose. Just don’t… don’t move anything. I’d like to keep everything the way it was.”

“We’ll try not to, ma’am. We just want to look for any evidence, any clues as to where he might have contracted this virus,” Red explained.

Mrs. Phillip led them upstairs and pointed out her son’s door. They all managed to squeeze into the small bedroom, which was, surprisingly, lined with posters of the Moffatts.

“He just loved the Moffatts; he’d play those songs over and over and over…” Mrs. Phillip sniffed, as she retreated to leave them to their investigation.

Another surprise! A metal dude who liked boybands? Well, there was no accounting for taste, Nick thought. He looked around, noticing a few comic books here and there. His eyes widened when he saw a rare Spiderman he’d been trying to collect for months. Maybe the mom wouldn’t notice if he… He reached out, until Brian smacked his hand.

“Stop it!”

“I was just gonna look at it!”

“We’re supposed to be looking for clues. You’re gonna get us thrown out! Show some damn respect!”

“It’s worth nothing to him when he’s dead,” Nick muttered under his breath, but moved away from the comic books to probe another corner of the room.

After a brief search, in which they found nothing remarkable, they thanked Terrance’s mother and left. They made their way to the hotel at last. After they got settled, they congregated in Nick‘s room, to debrief, go over what they‘d found, and discuss some possible causes.

“So what do you all think?” Red asked.

“I don’t know. It’s all so weird,” Julilly sighed. “Nothing to go on that would give us any hints as to what caused this.” She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. Nick watched. Her hair was short, but it was shiny, and he bet it was soft, too. He imagined running his own fingers through it.

Julilly suddenly turned and caught him looking at her. He offered a sheepish grin, giving her a small wink.

She blinked. “You got something in your eye there, Carter?”

Nick felt himself redden. He swiped at his eye. “Nope, I’m good now,” he muttered, looking away. When he glanced back at Julilly out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw her smirk.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s geared towards one type of person or people, ya know? Like…I dunno, maybe just young people – a lot of the victims seemed to be young – or… or people…” Brian started.

“With no taste in music? I mean, c’mon, the Moffatts?” Nick reasoned.

“Nick…” Red warned.

“The dude kept a scrapbook, for crying out loud!”

“You’re an idiot,” Brian muttered.

“You’re an idiot!” Nick exploded. “What kind of virus only targets young people? Aren’t young people usually the ones who survive these things?”

“Why don’t you tell us, Sherlock, if you’ve got all the answers?” Brian retorted sarcastically. He sat back on the couch and crossed his arms over his chest, gazing coolly up at Nick with raised brows, as if waiting for answers. Nick rolled his eyes.

“That is a good point,” said Red thoughtfully. “Usually it’s the very young, the very old, and the infirm who have the most casualties in an epidemic. But Brian’s right too – according to Jeanie’s notes, a lot of the original victims were young – teenagers and early twenty-somethings. It goes against the norm. That has to be significant.”

Nick got up, his mind spinning with this information, trying to churn it into answers. All he had now were questions. He wandered around the room, lost in thought, while the others sat in silence, apparently deep inside their own minds as well. Then he caught sight of Julilly again and was temporarily distracted. He tried to act nonchalant as he sat down next to her, brushing up against her.

“Whoa there, partner… ever heard of personal space?” Julilly said, giving him a nudge. “All kinds of room on that side of the couch, too.”

Starting to wonder if Agent Julilly Kirk was a lesbian, Nick scooted. Yet, he noticed her eyes follow him as he did. Mystified, he glanced over at her again, but she was now looking at Brian.

“Anyway… it’s too early to tell, but there’s gotta be some reason it happened to him, to all those kids. What made them different from their next door neighbors, or the people across the street?” Julilly questioned.

“One word: scrapbook. I’m just sayin’,” Nick stated, holding his hands up in surrender.

They all groaned.

  
FANthrax: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
It was late when they decided to give up their speculation for the night and turn in. Brian left immediately, heading to his own room next door. Red stayed longer, but eventually retired to her room on the other side of Nick’s. A door separated them, and Nick eyed it briefly as it closed behind her, picturing himself slipping through it to go to her in the night. He hadn’t had Red in his bed in some time, what with him always being gone on missions and with Diamond when he was actually back at headquarters.

Julilly, who had also lingered, drifted towards the other door as Red left through the adjoining one. But when Red was gone, the door shut tight behind her, Julilly turned from the doorway and said, “You got a minute, Carter?”

“Sure?” He walked toward her, and she stepped back into the room. The moment he was within her reach, her arms shot out, and in a flash, she grabbed both of his shoulders, whipped him around, and thrust him up against the inside of his door, effectively slamming it shut.

Oh god, she’s a double agent! was his first thought, as he stared down at her, wide-eyed and horrified at her strength. He felt the butt of the gun holstered at her hip pressing against his thigh as she pinned him to the door with her body, legs spread apart, palms splayed against the door on either side of his face. He shuddered, though he tried not to flinch, keeping his expression stiff and controlled. He was completely unarmed and found himself wishing he’d tried harder in Grasshopper's martial arts training. Hand-to-hand combat wasn’t his forte, especially with a chick.

“I want you to know,” said Julilly, cocking one eyebrow, “that I have a policy against screwing around on the job. By that, I mean you keep your hands off me, I keep my hands off you, and we respect each other’s space. When I’m on a case with someone, we are colleagues, partners in the business sense, and nothing more. You got that?”

Caught off-guard, Nick nodded. Understanding was starting to sink in. She wasn’t an imposter; at least he didn’t think she was. She was one of those feminists about to give him a sexual harassment lecture. He fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Look,” he started, “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I was just playing, trying to get to know you, but I’ll back off, I promise. Just don’t-” Don’t tell K, was what he was about to say; the last thing he needed was another mandatory sexual harassment in-service.

But Julilly interrupted. “Hold on there, Nicky Boy; I wasn’t done. Hear me out: I said I don’t like to screw around while I’m on the job. Off the job, though?” Now she arched both brows, and for the first time, a seductive smile crept over her lips.

She’s not a dyke? thought Nick, reading her expression. His heart lifted. “You don’t mind a little screwing around?” he finished for her hopefully.

She grinned full out and returned the wink he’d offered her hours before. “Not one bit.”

She pressed herself against him then, her hipbones colliding with his.

“Not one…”

Taking both his hands, she wound his arms around her, till his hands met at the small of her arched back, holding her against him.

“… little…”

She raised her chin, bringing her face closer to his. He could feel his body start to react.

“… bit.”

As the word popped from her lips, he lowered his head and brought his mouth crashing down onto hers.


  


The evening had been an eventful one for Nick Carter and the new Jewel that had entered his life.

He smirked as he leaned against the doorway of his hotel room the next morning, his eyes retracing all the curves his hands had explored the night before. Julilly grinned as she leaned in, and he tasted the sweetness of her lips once more. He felt about ready for another round, but it was morning, and they had to go back to their day jobs, much to Nick's annoyance. She had hastily dressed, but he, after a fun shower with the sexy Canadian, was still wearing nothing but a towel, securely wrapped around his waist.

"You know..." he said, once the two finally pulled apart, "you can always come back up, for extra research... or something." He smirked.

She chuckled as she ran a hand through her still-wet, tousled hair. "Oh, I bet I can, Carter, and I think I'll take you up on that offer later." With another short peck placed upon his cheek, the CSIS agent made her way down the hallway of the hotel. His eyes traced her every step, before the sound of the door from the room next to his caught his attention. A giggle caused his gaze to shift to the other jewel that accompanied him this mission. Red eyed him, her eyes shifting to a lower destination.

"Hiding a gun under that towel, or are you just happy to see me?"

Nick cocked a brow at her. "Now you know that's all me, Jewel. Did you forget? I could remind you." He smiled that charming grin that he knew Red Jewel loved, despite how big of a womanizer she thought he was.

"I don't know, Nick; perhaps Julilly wore you out," she teased.

"Hey now, I'm always ready for a go with you, Jewel."

It was then that the door on the other side of Nick burst open forcefully. A pair of hands gripped a gun expertly, and out stepped Brian, wearing nothing but a set of boxers that were covered with dancing penguins. Again, Jewel was giggling and staring, not at Nick this time, but at the well-defined chest belonging to the southern CIA agent.

Once he saw the two staring at him and no danger in sight, The Rok breathed easier. He lowered his gun, reached behind the doorframe and set it on the nightstand just inside his room. Nick, however, immediately burst into a set of uncontrollable giggles, the moment he caught sight of the penguin boxers. Not to mention, on Brian's feet were fuzzy penguin slippers to match.

"What's so funny, Carter?"

"Nice boxers, Country Boy; I'm sure you'll scare all the bad guys away for us with those dancing penguin undies and fuzzy slippers."

Brian's eyes narrowed, his cheeks darkening slightly with color when he remembered just what he was wearing... or not wearing, to be more precise. "They were a gift from Opal. And what's with the towel, Carter? You mock me, but there ain't a soul who'll wanna see what ya have under there, no matter how much ya wanna show it off."

"Oh, you know you wanna see it. You want my body... but you know what?" He began to dance in his doorway, popping his booty to the beat in his head. "I don't think you're ready for this jelly... I don't think you're ready for this jelly... I don't think you're ready for this... My body's too bootylicious for ya, hick!" He kept dancing, backing his way towards Brian just to pop his towel covered behind almost in the other man's face.

"Hick! Oh, you're one to talk about stupid hicks and all that. Penguin boxers and all, I'm still able to drive on the right side of the road. And then not wonder, 'Hey, why is that car trying to meet me?' like some simpleton." Brian's accent thickened as his agitation rose.

"Oh, and you're so much smarter than me, ain't that right, you incest-lovin' Southern boy?"

Red blinked, watching the rising tensions rapidly growing between the two men. "Guys-"

"No, Red, let me handle this 'Good ol' fashioned country boy.' He claims to be so smart, but he can't see the government is fucking him through the rear, and won't till it costs him." He glared at the shorter man. "Now, why don't we settle this man to man?"

"Oh, and you call me backwards – yeah, ’cause me punching you out is gonna help find out whatever it is spreading the disease around here."

"I'm not talking about beating your ass," Nick replied shortly. No matter how tempting that is, K would kill my ass. Especially after that power outage I caused last week...

"Then what are you babbling about? Do you even know, Nick? Or do I need to help you spell it out again?"

"This." Within seconds, Nick had Brian in a firm headlock, enjoying holding the other man's head within inches of his armpit. Damn, I just showered. Oh well.

The door to Nick's room slammed shut, but was noticed by no one.

Brian resisted, struggled, and finally managed to grab Nick's side and actually lifted the other man. He slammed him down hard on the carpeted floor and smirked as he maneuvered his way out of Nick's grip. There was a reason they called him The Rok.

Red watched as the two continued to fiercely wrestle. Then she did what any young, healthy female of the straight sexual orientation would do when faced with two attractive and well-built men, wrestling half-naked in front of her: she took out her phone and took pictures.

"Give it up, Shrimp!"

"Not on your life. You starting to tire, Poster Boy?"

"Hell no! I can-" Suddenly, Nick stopped talking. The two men ceased the wrestling. Brian stared at Nick for a moment. In seconds, Red was also staring at Nick. Nick looked down and blanched. In the tussle, the towel had fallen from his waist, and he was suddenly naked.

Brian snapped back to reality first and had an evil thought, followed by a sinister grin. He snatched the towel and ran into his own room, cackling as he did.

Red started giggling. She couldn't stop laughing. She snapped pictures repeatedly, as Nick turned red and immediately covered himself. "Hey, you wanna do that, we can do it in your room," Nick said, leaning against the wall, one hand covering his more private area, in case someone happened to appear in the hall.

"Maybe later... We need to get ready to meet Julilly downstairs, remember?"

"Oh right." Damn! He watched her turn and go into her room, still giggling as she went, and within minutes, music could be heard coming from her room. Nick turned to go into his room and grabbed the door handle…

He shook his head. Oh, hell no…

He tried the door knob again. "SHITBALLS!" He felt around for his room key, until he smacked himself in the head for being so stupid. Of course he didn't have his key tucked away; he was naked! He knew where the key was; it was on the dresser, next to the door.

The door that was locked.

Nick still made sure to check the floor around the door, just in case. Maybe, by some miracle, he’d dropped the key by the door, or the key had fallen off. But of course, he saw nothing but hotel carpeting.

He looked around furtively. At least the halls were still empty. But he needed to get out of view, and fast.

First, he tried Red's door. "Jewel?! Come on, open up!"

A player hater to flip with, yeah
Gon' head and fill it, yeah
I be slanging wood, yeah
Out the hood, yeah
Let it be understood, yeah
It's all good, yeah


He blinked, as he could hear the music blaring on the other side of the door. He banged on the door harder, hoping no one else could hear it but Red Jewel. He gave a silent plea for help from the Lord above in his desperate situation.

You looks good, won't you back that ass up?
You's a fine motherfucker, won't you back that ass up?
You got to steal, big ass, yeah
Make me laugh, yeah


Sometimes, he felt fate was against him. He ceased hitting on her door. She wasn't going to hear him, and he knew it. But that left only one other option, and it was the last thing he wanted to do.

He had to ask Brian for help.

Each of the four steps he had to take to Brian's room felt heavier than the last. At last, he stood before Brian’s door, starting to get a chill. He banged quickly on the door. Any more noise, and soon, he'd get others to come out into the hall, and they would all see him in his grand, large, naked glory.

"Who is it?" he heard the familiar, southern twang call out mockingly.

"Come on, Brian, it's Nick; open the damn door!"

"Why?"

"’Cause I'm fucking naked, and I need my damn towel so I can go downstairs and get another fucking key, asshole! That's why! I ain't in the mood to be showing Big Nicky off to all the lucky ladies in the hotel! Now open up!"

"No."

Nick saw red. "What do you mean, NO?! You can't leave me out here locked out and fucking naked! Are you insane, or is it just inbreeding?!"

"Heh, betcha wish you had penguin boxers now, huh Carter?"

He heard mocking laughter from the other side of the door, and then footsteps fading away. Nick banged on the door again and again. "Brian! Brian!" He sighed and finally stopped. Brian was just ignoring him now and enjoying his agony.

"Shitballs. Uber-fucking-shitballs." Nick glanced around desperately, before finally grabbing a potted plant that sat beside Red Jewel's door. With his back against the wall, he quickly slinked his way down the hall toward the elevator.

Maybe by some miracle, he could get to the lobby for his key before anyone saw him.


  


Meanwhile, down in the lobby, Julilly was on the phone with her supervisor, being briefed on a recent development in the investigation. Suddenly, her conversation was interrupted by a loud crash on the other side of the lobby, followed by a scream from a familiar voice.

“GODDAMN SHITBALLS!” Nick exclaimed, as his arms finally gave way, and he dropped the potted plant he’d been covering himself with. He quickly searched for anything nearby he could use to cover himself up with, and hastily grabbed a tourist brochure from a nearby table, unfolded it, and used his left hand to keep it in place over his lower half. He then backed himself as close to the wall as he could get and inched his way over to the check-in desk.

“Hello,” Nick said in a quiet, calm tone, hoping it would be enough to get everyone in the lobby to stop staring at him, “My name is Pat McRotch, and I seem to have found myself locked out of my hotel room. Can I get a new key? I’m in 3017.”

“Certainly, Mr. McRotch,” the young female behind the counter said, obviously trying to stifle her laughter. “You wouldn’t happen to have any ID on you, would you? To make sure you’re the person the room is registered to.”

“Do I look like I have any ID on me?!” Nick exclaimed.

“I’ll vouch for him,” Julilly said, flashing her badge to the clerk. “He is who he says he is.”

“Thanks,” Nick said, as the clerk began to type feverishly for a few moments before rummaging through a nearby drawer. She pulled out a plastic card and swiped it through the machine while Nick stood anxiously.

“No problem,” Julilly replied. “But I meant what I said about screwing around on the job.”

“I got you loud and clear,” Nick replied, looking over his shoulder every five seconds to see what the clerk was doing that it was taking her so long to give him his damn room key. Julilly got closer to him, and he hoped that he didn’t end up poking a hole through the thin paper he was holding; after all, it was all he had to shield himself from a crowded hotel lobby full of people.

“And I don’t know what it’s like down in America, but up here, we don’t look kindly on streakers; don’t make me pull out my handcuffs again.” She winked at him, as the clerk cleared her throat and leaned over to hand Nick his new room key.

“Here’s your new key, sir.” The clerk smiled.

“Thank you!” Nick exclaimed, before turning back to Julilly. “I hope I’ll see you when I get back down here – in clothes, I promise.”

“Well, hopefully, we’ll both be in clothes the next time you walk into this lobby.” Julilly laughed. “Every time you walk into this lobby, actually. But since I just got a phone call from my supervisor about one of the victims, I think I’ll just come up with you so I can fill you all in.”

“Sure…” Nick trailed off, still silently praying that he didn’t poke a hole in the brochure, especially now that he would be stuck in an elevator with her and she was obviously amused by his attraction to her. “What’s the victim’s name?”

“Sophie Richards,” she replied, as they stepped into the elevator, and the door slowly closed in front of them.


  
FANthrax: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
The four agents stood outside the latest victim’s house, double-checking their Hazmat suits to ensure some protection against this unknown illness. Sobered from the morning antics, they listened as Julilly explained the situation.

“Bree-Anna Richards was one of the first cases brought into the hospitals. From what we were told, her symptoms were severe from the beginning, and it wasn’t long before… well, Bree-Anna was the first to die from whatever this is.”

“But if she…” Brian started, but stopped when Julilly continued.

“Her case was pretty bad, but she’s not the reason we are here. A few hours after her death, her sister Sophie started to show the signs. The CSIS was brought in with Sophie’s case. The hospital could not explain why Bree-Anna seemed fine one minute and was dying the next and Sophie’s symptoms progressively got worse. Sophie and her sister shared a room at home and were in close contact; their case may provide some insight into this disease.”

“What about the parents and the rest of her family?” Brian questioned out loud.

“When Sophie became sick, they moved from their house into a hotel. None of the others are showing signs, but since Sophie progressed slowly, there is no guarantee that the rest of the family will not contract it.”

“Why are we just now investigating this house?” Nick blew up. “If Bree-Anna was the first infected, why now? Why didn’t we come here first?”

“Nick, the CSIS have investigated this house. Our agents have been all over and couldn’t find anything. Dr. Carter was giving Sophie some experimental treatments that she seemed to be responding well to. And we weren’t sure there would be anything to find here, since Bree-Anna’s case was so old. Now, we need to find something, and since Bree-Anna was the first to show up in the hospital, we thought that…”

“Perhaps the first cases hold the key,” Red chimed in. “Terrence Phillip was also one of the first to be brought in, yet it seems that even though he came in after Bree-Anna, he seemed further progressed. It was some of the same treatments Dr. Carter used on Sophie that kept Terrence alive as long as he was.”

“Unfortunately, the first ones infected are harder to determine; many of the sick are not showing up until the symptoms reach their peak and are unable to speak at that point. Bree-Anna and Terrence shared the common thread of being fine one minute and violently ill the next, which leads us to believe they were among the first infected,” Julilly added.

“So if we can find a link between the first infected, we might stand a chance at determining the cause and ultimately discovering an antidote,” Red mused.

“That’s what we believe and are banking on. Now shall we?”

Nick lead the group towards the house. As they trooped across the lawn in their bulky suits, he was reminded of the scene from ET, where the government scientists invaded the house. “EEEEEE-Teeee… phone home…” he warbled in his best ET voice.

“Nick, shh!” hissed Red, casting a warning look towards the dead girl’s parents, who were waiting at the front door to meet them and answer their questions.

The entryway of the house immediately walked them into the front room, set up as playroom for the children younger than either victim. Toys were scattered everyone. Brian closed his eyes and hoped none of the younger children would catch what Bree-Anna and her sister had. In a matter of a few steps, the crew was at the stairway leading upstairs. Brian looked ahead into the dining room and kitchen and wondered how many times they hit their arms on the chairs and cabinets; the passageway between them narrow.

When Nick reached the top of the stairs, he couldn’t help himself. He leapt up the final stair, starting again, “That’s one small step for Nick…”

“Nick...” Red and Julilly groaned in unison, and Brian added, “Not again…”

They entered the girls’ room at the top of the stairs and looked around. Posters of pop groups – The Backalley Boys, The Moffatts, and The Jonas Brothers – adorned the walls. The two beds were up against opposite walls; Bree-Anna’s bed was next to the window. CDs lay scattered on the floor in front of the CD player, clothes tossed on the floor and draped over the beds. A long table sat on the only other free wall, chairs askew from the last time they were used, which, the group assumed, wasn’t recent, as papers covered the seats of the chairs, as well as the desk.

“How are we supposed to find anything in this room to help?” Nick scoffed.

Red opened her case and pulled out some swabs. “Here.” She handed some to Nick. “Start swabbing surfaces.” Everyone grabbed some swabs and spread out in the room. Cautiously, they started to swab different surfaces in the room, hoping to find the source of the infection.

Nick poked Brian with a clean Q-tip, holding it up like a finger. “El-li-ott…”

Brian turned away, shaking his head. “I can’t believe my cousin allows you to work for him,” he muttered, going back to his own swabbing.

After almost an hour of working, with complete silence from everyone, including Nick, Red capped the last swab and put it in her case with the rest.

“Let’s go speak with the parents,” Julilly stated, as she headed back outside. While Julilly asked the parents questions, the others listened.

“What did you find in there?” Bree-Anna’s father asked.

Julilly shook her head and bypassed the question. “What can you tell us about Bree-Anna’s activities the day before she was sick?”

Bree-Anna’s father shook his head. Her mother thought for a few minutes before giving her answer. “She was at a friend’s house. Someone she met recently, I believe. Bree-Anna always made friends so easily.” Tears started to flow from the mother’s eyes, and it was a few minutes before she felt ready to continue. “I just remember she was excited.”

“Can you tell us the girl’s name?” Nick interjected.

“It was unusual; I remember that.” She blew her nose in the crumpled tissue in her hand. “Natalie something-or-other…”

“Spice...” the father added. “That part I remember, because is seemed strange.”

“Natalie Spice,” Nick repeated. “Do you know an address for this young lady?”

Both parents shook their heads, before a fresh stream of tears rolled down their cheeks.

“You’ve been a great help,” Julilly consoled. “Would you mind if we took one more look around the girls’ room before we leave? If we could get in contact with the girl Bree-Anna was with that day, we might learn more about what made her ill.”

“Of course not,” the mother sniffed, waving vaguely towards the stairs. “Do what you need to do.”

“Anything that could help Sophie,” the father agreed, nodding in earnest.

Julilly lead the team back upstairs to the girls’ bedroom. “Anyone remember seeing any reference to this girl, Natalie Spice?” she asked the others.

They shook their heads slowly, trying to remember, but coming up short.

“What about her computer?” Nick suggested, nodding towards the PC that was set up on the desk between the girls’ beds. “Maybe there were emails or IMs, tweets, that sort of thing. I can check.” He was no Pearl, but he knew his way around a computer.

“Good idea,” said Julilly. “We should take her cell phone too, if she had one.”

“I’ll check with the parents,” Brian volunteered, and they heard him clumping downstairs in his bulky suit.

To Red, Julilly directed, “Let’s re-check drawers, book bags, anywhere she might have kept notes from this girl, maybe an address or phone number.” While Nick sat down in front of the computer, the two women worked around him, pulling out desk drawers, unzipping backpacks, leafing through notebooks, emptying purses.

The girls’ computer had been shut down. When it finally booted up, Nick first launched the internet. The browser opened to a website he’d never been to before: a black background behind a layout with bright orange flames, with a header that read Complete Mayhem. Scanning the page, he quickly realized it was a website for stories of some sort, a type of archive where writers could post their work.

Why, he wondered, did the girls have this website as their home page? It had to be a favorite website, one they must have frequented regularly. He wondered if one or both of them had posted stories on this site. If he could find their accounts, maybe there would be clues, or at the very least, links to point him in the right direction – to email accounts, social networking sites, and the like.

A stroke of luck! As he started to read the main page more closely, a line of text caught his eye: You are currently logged in as Moffatts-Chick-404. Score! Whichever girl used this website, she had set her account to log her in automatically. Pearl scorned such practices, as they led to identity theft – really, Nick thought, they just took some of the challenge out of her job, and when it came to technology, Pearl loved a challenge. He, on the other hand, was not the skilled hacker she was and thanked whichever of the girls had sped up his investigation. It felt almost like a cheat in a video game, a shortcut, he thought, grinning in anticipation, as he clicked the link for “Account Info.”

On the menu that loaded, there were lots of options for managing stories and series and reviews. He bypassed these and clicked on a link that said “Edit Bio,” hoping for a look at the user’s current “bio.” The page opened to a form that was already filled in with information.

“Bingo,” he muttered to himself, when he saw “Bree-Anna” entered in the name field.

“Find something, Carter?” asked Julilly, looking up from a small notebook she’d opened on Bree-Anna’s bed.

“Maybe. I’m in Bree-Anna’s account on this website that came up… it’s some kinda writing site, where you can post stories.”

“Yeah? So did she post any?”

“Dunno, haven’t gotten that far. It’s definitely her account though.”

“Well, good. Keep looking.”

“You got it, Jewel.” His eyes fixed on the screen, Nick didn’t notice Red roll her eyes before going back to the drawer she was rifling through.

“I’ve got her cell phone,” Brian announced as he strode back into the room a few minutes later, holding up a hot pink cell phone, bedazzled in silvery rhinestones. “I looked through her contacts, though, and no Natalie.”

“Really?” Julilly looked up again, her forehead creased. “That’s weird. If she was spending time with this girl, you’d think she’d have her number stored. Are you sure she’s not there under a nickname?”

“I don’t think so. See for yourself.” He tossed her the phone casually, and she caught it, immediately going to flip through the contacts herself. “Find anything, Carter?” The Rok asked, coming up behind Nick.

Nick had clicked through to a page that displayed the stories Bree-Anna had posted. “Didn’t your mama ever tell you it was rude to read over people’s shoulders?” he muttered, as he scrolled through the list of stories, skimming their titles and summaries. Brian ignored him. “They all have the same characters – Bob… Clint… Scott… Dave… and, well… her. Bree-Anna.” He moved his cursor over a graphic that accompanied one of the stories. It showed the faces of two young men, along with a teenage girl. The men’s pictures looked like professional portraits, but the girl’s appeared to be an amateur photo. “Is that her? Is that the dead girl?” he asked.

“I dunno,” murmured Brian. “Julilly?”

Julilly got up from the bed and came over to look. “That’s her,” she confirmed. “So she’s writing stories about herself and these guys? Are they famous?”

“They’re The Moffatts.”

Everyone looked around at Red Jewel, who had crept up behind them. Brian looked astonished, Julilly mildly impressed, but Nick smirked and opened his mouth to make a joke at her expense.

Before he could utter a word, though, Red pointed at the screen and added, “It says so right there. ‘Category: Fanfiction > The Moffatts.’”

“Ohh…” they chorused, and Brian added, “Good eye.”

Red grinned. “You should have recognized them, Nick. Terrance Phillip had posters of them in his bedroom, remember?”

“Psh,” Nick scoffed. “Count on a chick to notice shit like that – eh, Rok?” But he had noticed it, he recalled now. Inwardly, he’d ripped on the Phillip kid for the boyband posters on his walls.

“Good thing she did,” Brian replied. “You reckon it’s coincidence, or could this be the connection we’ve been lookin’ for?”

“That they’re both fans of The Moffatts?” Nick was doubtful. “How could that have made them sick, though?” Realizing the joke had made itself, he quickly added, “I mean, obviously I can imagine the painful side effects their music would have, but… well, how do you account for the purple pee?”

Brian actually snorted. Red rolled her eyes, but was unable to suppress her grin. Julilly’s eyes, though, were narrowed; she was thinking hard. “I think we should look into this. I’m not sure it is a coincidence. Really, how many Moffatts fans are there, even in Canada?”

“Call me clueless, but… who are these Moffatts guys, anyway?” asked Brian, looking sheepish. “I thought I was fairly in-the-know on my music, but I guess not…”

Julilly chuckled wryly. “You’d only remember them if you were ‘in-the-know’ in the late nineties. Consider them Canada’s answer to Hanson, or the Jonas Brothers of a decade ago. As far as I know, they were never as popular as either in the States. though. I’m surprised to find they still have fans here. But that’s why I think it’s more than coincidence. We could be onto something here…”

Nick frowned, looking around the room. There was a poster of The Moffatts on Bree-Anna’s side of the room too, perhaps even one of the same ones Terrance Phillip had up. But how could the Moffatts connection have anything to do with the mysterious virus from which they’d both died?

“Are the Moffatts still together?” asked Red, looking at Julilly. “I mean, they’re not still playing concerts or anything like that, are they?”

“No idea,” said Julilly. “I don’t follow the music scene in Toronto much; I’m usually between Ottawa and Halifax. But I have a contact at a radio station I could call; he might know if they’ve had any recent events in the area.” She excused herself and left the room to make the call.

Nick returned his attention to Bree-Anna’s computer. He noticed a link at the top of the website that said “Community” and clicked it. It took him to a message board that supplemented the site. “This could give us some insight,” he remarked, tapping the screen. “If she posts here, too, she might have mentioned some kind of event she and Terrance both could have been at.”

Finding Bree-Anna’s posts on the forum turned out to be easy. All he had to do was click on a members list and scroll down until he found her screen name. Then he could view her recent posts.

The most recent was a survey she had filled out. He scanned her responses eagerly, but there was nothing remarkable, nothing telling there. Some of the answers seemed made-up anyway: he hadn’t recalled seeing a 2008 Lexus or a 2007 Mercedes – the cars she, at fifteen, supposedly owned – in the driveway. Disappointed, he was about to click the back button, but Brian suddenly said, “Hey!”

“What?”

The CIA agent jabbed his hand towards the screen. “Scroll down! Look at the name of the next poster… ‘Moffatts-Spice’? As in, Natalie Spice??”

Nick’s eyes widened. “Moffatts-Spice,” too, had filled out the survey. First question: What is your first name?

First answer: Natalie.

“It’s her!” he said excitedly. But there were no contact details in the survey, and when he clicked on the girl’s profile, all he found was an email address.

“An email address, that’s something,” Brian said, encouraged. “We could email her, if nothing else. Can those be traced? Email addresses?”

“Not sure, but IP addresses can. Only the moderators of this board would be able to see that, though. I wonder if Pearl could hack for us and trace hers.”

Nick fiddled with the watch on his wrist, the one which did everything but tell time. A few seconds later, Pearl’s face appeared on its digital screen. “Yo Pearl, I need a favor.”

He could just make out Pearl wrinkling her nose on the tiny screen. “Don’t ever say ‘yo’ again, Carter; you sound like Drums.”

Nick felt a familiar jolt in his gut at the mention of their former ally-turned-enemy. The last time he’d seen Drums, he had been clinging, literally one-handed, to a mast of Dr. Rough’s pirate ship, the stump of the hand Nick’s sword had severed bleeding copiously. Dr. Rough’s helicopters had come to whisk him away, but Nick didn’t know if the guy was even still alive…

“So what do you need?” Pearl’s voice broke into his memory.

“Oh! Uh – I need you to do some hacking for me. I’m on this message board, and I need the IP address of one of its members and a trace for it, down to the physical address, if you can get it.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem. Give me the URL and the username.”

Nick relayed the information. A few minutes passed before Pearl’s voice crackled through Nick’s watch once more. “Okay, Carter, I got your address. Ready?”

Nick grabbed a pen and a sticky note from Bree-Anna’s desk. “Ready,” he said. It was cumbersome to write with latex gloves on, but he copied down the address as Pearl dictated. He had just finished when Julilly returned. “Hey, I’ve got an address for Natalie Spice!” he announced, waving the sticky note in the air.

Julilly snatched it out of his gloved hand and squinted at it. “What?? No, that can’t be right. That address is here. This house. Bree-Anna’s address.”

“What?” Nick took the sticky note back and stared at it. “Hey, Pearl,” he said into his watch, “This isn’t right. The address you gave us is the house we’re at right now, investigating a girl’s death, but that’s not what we want – we’re looking for her friend’s address. The girl with the username I gave you.”

“That’s what I traced, Nick. ‘Moffatts-Spice,’ right?”

“Right… and it traced here??”

“Sure did.”

“Okay… well, can you look up the IP address for ‘Moffatts-Chick-404’ then?” Nick asked, grasping at straws.

It took Pearl only a minute or two. “Nick, their IPs are the same,” she said. “That means they’re using the same computer… Likely, they’re the same person, with two different accounts.”

Nick looked from Julilly, to Brian, to Red, in confusion. “So, what, Bree-Anna just made up this Natalie girl? Why would she do that?”

“Simple,” smirked Julilly, holding up her phone. “My contact confirmed there was a Moffatts reunion concert in Toronto on Saturday night, the night before Bree-Anna was admitted to the hospital. Maybe her parents wouldn’t let her go. So she said she was at this friend Natalie’s house instead.”

Nick still felt bewildered. “But why make her an account on a message board too? Isn’t that taking it a little far?”

“She probably had different reasons for doing that. But don’t ask me to explain the psychology behind teenage girls, Carter; we’d be here all day. Listen, we know there was a concert; we just need to prove that Bree-Anna and Terrance Phillip were both there and then find out how many others were, too. I’m going to go back downstairs and see if Bree-Anna’s parents know anything about the concert. Then I’ll call Terrance Phillip’s mother and ask her, too. Julianne, why don’t you contact Dr. Boulet and see what she can find out at the hospital? Carter, keep searching her computer for any proof that she was at that concert, and Littrell, search the room again – look for ticket stubs, souvenirs, anything like that.”

Taking up their assignments, the two Jewels left the room to make their contacts, leaving Brian and Nick alone in the bedroom. Brian moved to Bree-Anna’s dresser and opened the top drawer. “Man, I feel weird pokin’ through a fifteen-year-old girl’s britches,” drawled Brian, holding up a lacy pair of panties between his fingertips.

Nick snorted. “Did you really just use the word britches?” he replied incredulously, before turning back to the computer. “Anyway, you should be used to it, coming from Hicktucky or wherever the hell you grew up. I thought y’all hooked up with your sisters and cousins down in those there parts.”

“You know, for a bigshot secret agent, you’re damn ignorant, Carter,” The Rok replied. Nick could tell County Boy was trying to keep his voice light, though he was seething underneath that easygoing façade. He smirked to himself.

Some clicking around led him away from the Complete Mayhem site entirely and onto a YouTube account Bree-Anna had posted in her profile. It was her own, as evidenced by the dead girl’s smiling face in a screenshot of one of the videos. He clicked play and felt a strange ripple of sadness as a sweet-faced, blonde girl grinned into the camera. He could see the poster-covered wall in front of him behind her in the video, as she started gushing how much she loved her favorite band, The Moffatts. She had shot the video in this very room, just over a week ago, according to the posting date. It was eerie to realize how quickly the mystery virus had taken hold of her and claimed her life.

“Hey, I think I found somethin’,” said Brian from the other side of the room. “A glow stick and a button, with those guys’ faces-”

“Shut up, I’m trying to watch this,” Nick snapped, focusing back on the YouTube video.

“… I never thought I would get to see them in concert, but guess what? On Saturday night, I’m going to…” Bree-Anna ducked out of the frame for a moment, apparently reaching for something on her bed, and then popped back into it, holding up a ticket with a gleeful grin on her face. “… THE MOFFATTS!!!”

“AHA!” Nick shouted.

At the same time he was pausing the video on a frame of Bree-Anna holding up her ticket, Brian gasped, “Ow!”

“What?” Nick turned around. Brian was still at the dresser, holding up his left hand. He appeared to be examining his index finger. “What’d you do?”

“You startled me. I stuck myself,” said Brian, sounding dumbfounded. “With this.” He held up a pin-on button; the pin part was open.

“Ouuuch…” said Nick in his ET voice.

Brian ignored this. “Like I was trying to tell you,” he added irritably, “it’s got the Moffatts on it.”

“Sorry.” Nick swallowed. “Did it go through your glove?”

“Course it went through my glove; it’s a pin.”

“Are you bleeding?”

“I dunno… I’m fine; I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’m just gonna go wash it out real good and get a new pair of gloves.” Brian hurried out of the bedroom, leaving Nick by himself.

He swiveled back to the computer, looking at the image of Bree-Anna beaming behind her ticket. He clicked play again. “Oh my god, I’m SO excited!! This is gonna be the best night of my life!!” she squealed, bouncing a little on her bed.

All of a sudden, he was overwhelmed by that strange feeling of sadness. It wasn’t the best night of your life, he realized. It was the last night.

Julilly and Red burst back into the room a few minutes later. “Find anything, Nick?” Julilly asked brusquely. Without waiting for an answer, she rushed on to say, “Bree-Anna’s parents are clueless, but the Phillip mother confirmed that her son was at the Moffatts show on Saturday. She said he was making a scrapbook page about it when he collapsed Sunday night.”

“Bree-Anna was there, too,” said Nick, gesturing at the computer monitor. “She showed her ticket in this video.”

“Did you find the stub?”

“No, but Littrell found a button and a glow stick that were probably souvenirs.” He wondered if Brian was still getting cleaned up in the bathroom, but before he could mention what had happened, Julilly nodded, a broad smile splitting her face.

“That’s all the confirmation we need. Next stop on the trail: the Air Canada Centre.”

“Where’s that?” asked Nick.

“It’s where the concert was held,” said Julilly. “And I have a feeling it’s where we’ll find another piece of the puzzle.”


  
FANthrax: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana
They all piled into the Hummer and started towards the arena.

“Hey guys, listen to this: I spoke to Jeanie, and she said that now the virus has spread through the hospital. Dr. Carter is sick; they’re sure he’s infected. He’s been showing all the signs – coughing, vomiting, and all that. But here’s where it gets interesting…” Red started.

“I dunno, it’s pretty interesting already,” Nick said.

“Wait until you hear this, then: It seems that it’s airborne, or passed through something in the air. It could be anything. When you think about it, a concert is a surefire way to be able to infect a whole lot of people all at once, through the vents and whatever.”

Brian frowned. “That’s crazy.”

“I know, but think about it – if you’re trying to make a point and get a large number of casualties, what better way?” Red reasoned.

“So, what you’re saying is, they just blew a random cloud of this stuff in the air or something? I mean, wouldn’t the performers notice smoke coming out that’s not supposed to be there?” Nick said, doubt lacing his tone.

Red shrugged. “Dunno. I guess when you’re performing, you don’t notice those things… or more likely, it was transparent.”

There was silence for a moment.

“Well, I guess we’ll see what we can find when we there,” Julilly sighed.

A short time later, they arrived at the area, making their way inside the building. Nothing looked out of the ordinary – well, what was ordinary for an area, that was.

“Why don’t we split up into pairs and ask around, see if we can find out anything unusual about the concert?” Brian suggested, swallowing hard. He suddenly wasn’t feeling the best.

Nick went with Julilly, and Brian and Red went together. Nick and Julilly made their way towards one of the control booths, knocking on the door, making their way in when one of the workers opened the door. They showed their ID’s, their gazes scanning the booth.

“Can I help you with something?” the man asked.

“We’re here about a concert that was held in this arena on Saturday, The Moffatts concert. Were you in attendance for that?” Julilly asked.

The guy nodded. “Yeah, I was. Why?”

“Did you notice anything… different when you were there?” Nick asked, staring hard at the man. People were always intimidated with those hard stares.

The guy blinked. “No, not really. I mean, those fans are crazy, you know? I mean, grown women screaming and passing out… It was nuts.”

“Okay, so you didn’t see anything abnormal happen… maybe something that wasn’t supposed to?” Julilly questioned.

The guy frowned in concentration. “No, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?” Nick pressed, increasing the hard stare.

“No, I don’t think so, sir. I’m sorry, but it was a one-time thing, ya know? After that, what does it matter? The fans loved it and whatever. It’s not like I was looking for anything to be wrong.”

Nick shook his head. “Wait, but isn’t that your job? You work the control booth!”

The guy groaned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I work the concessions stand. I’m just up here cause I’ve always wanted to see the control room, and one of my friends works up here, and he let me up here to, ya know… mess around.” The guy smiled, his face beaming.

Julilly stared at him a moment before turning and leaving the room. Nick shook his head in disappointment. “Live the dream, man… Live the dream.”

“You bet I will!” The guy grinned.

They made their way out and started down one of the aisles.

“Well, that was a complete waste of time,” Julilly groaned.

“But not really! Some young man is having his dream come true; what’s more precious than that?” Nick smirked.

Julilly shot him a look and started to probe up and down the aisles for anything unusual. The arena had been cleaned up since the concert, of course, so finding anything was going to be one in a million.

“This is crazy. What could we possibly find?” Nick questioned, starting to grow a bit frustrated walking up and down aisles.

“We need to see if we can find anyone else who works here, who’s not trying to fulfill a childhood fantasy and get some answers,” Julilly grumbled, bending over to look under the seats.


  


Brian and Red, on the other side of arena, were having slightly better luck.

“So you’re saying, during the show, confetti came out and sprayed across the arena?” Brian asked.

The woman nodded. “Yeah, I was one of the people who controlled two of the cannons.”

Red nodded. “I see, and altogether, how many were there?”

“Let’s see… two in each corner, so eight altogether.”

“And would you say they cover a good area?” Red asked, jotting some things down in her notepad.

“They cover a wide area, but the wind coming from the vents catches it and carries it over the whole area.”

Red and Brian looked at each other in triumph.

“And does anyone check the confetti cannons before launch?” Brian questioned.

“Now that you mention it, we did have some weird guy come about an hour before the concert started, stating he was from some confetti company and he was here to check the cannons because there had been reports of some issues with cannons at other concerts, and he needed to check to make sure they were okay,” the lady offered.

“Oh, really? And what did this guy look like?” Brian pressed.

“Kinda short, Hispanic guy… Oh, he had this…twitch; it was odd,” the woman finished, her eye twitching suddenly, and she frowned. “Apparently, it’s contagious.”

“Hmm… and have you noticed anything different with any of the workers who also worked there that night? Yourself included?” Red asked.

“Yeah… actually, a lot of people have complained of not feeling too good. Sounds like the flu, coughing and vomiting. I’m okay; I’ve had a bit of a headache lately and body aches, but I’ve been exercising, so I’m sure it’s nothing.” She looked them over uncertainly. Their suits screamed out to her that maybe something was wrong. "Or should I, uh... get checked out, or...?"

Red cleared her throat. "It… may be a good idea to stop by your doctor’s; it's always good to have a routine check-up anyway."

The woman looked at her.

"Prevention is the best medicine... No, really, it is," Red added at the woman’s look of skepticism. "And who knows – if it ends up being more than just a simple cold, they can help you out right then and there."

Brian was eager to bail; his head was pounding, and Red’s meager attempts at dodging the woman’s questions were making him nervous. He hated to downplay what seemed to be a very serious outbreak, but they didn’t want to cause a panic either. “Well, thank you for your time, ma’am,” he said abruptly, ending the exchange.

He and Red made their way away from out of another one of the control rooms and started towards Nick and Julilly.

“Well, that was interesting. I think we may have found how they spread it, but I’m not quite sure how they’d do it through the confetti, though. Then again, there are the vents, but she didn’t mention anything about… hey, you okay?” Red asked, looking over at Brian, who appeared to be sweating.

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. These suits are hot, ya know?”

Red nodded absently. “In any case, it’s here, I’m sure. If not the vents, the confetti somehow.”

They reached Nick and Julilly and told them what they’d found out, and they all started looking around the aisles and seats, trying to see if they could find any of the leftover confetti.

They did notice several of the workers walking around, coughing and sneezing, and even one hurrying to the bathroom, her hand over her mouth.

“Can we, uh, hurry this up a bit? I feel like, any minute now, I’m seriously gonna hurl in this suit if I see one more person hacking like they’re gonna throw up a lung. You know, all it takes is one person, and then it’s a chain reaction.” Nick blanched, slowly crawling along the floor.

“Just hang in there, Nick; we’ve gotta find something we can take back for testing,” Red said. She sounded far away, since she, too, was bent over, facing away from Nick.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, his gaze wandering to a worker who appeared to have some kind of oozing patch on his arm. That must be what was called an ulcer. Nick swallowed hard again, his mouth going dry, his stomach churning. Yeah, they needed to get out of there, and soon.

Sighing, he went back to looking and then stilled. He couldn’t believe his luck: there was a long, thin piece of confetti. Carefully, he reached out, gently sliding the piece closer to him, his eyes widening; it was dusted with some kind of white powder.

“Hey guys, c’mere, I think I found something!!”

The three hurried over, looking over Nick’s shoulder.

“Look, a piece of confetti, and it’s got some white powdery shit on it.”

“Great job, Nick! Let’s bag that baby up and bring it in for testing.” Red grinned.

Nick extracted a plastic baggie and a pair of tweezers. “Nick finds the proverbial needle in a haystack, making the whole trip worthwhile in just a matter of seconds. His sharp skills and keen eye for discovery have brought the group one step closer to success!”

“Hey, Sherlock Holmes, pick up the damn confetti, and let’s get the hell outta here, sheesh,” Julilly groaned.

“You’re just upset that you didn’t find it.” Nick smirked, sticking his tongue out. He slipped the confetti into the bag and zipped it up.

As they thanked the workers and made their way out, Red looked over at the others, her expression grim. “This whole place needs to be quarantined,” she said in a low voice. “Some of those workers are surely infected with the same thing Terrance Phillip died from, and if they leave, it’s just going to spread more.”

Julilly agreed at once. “Call Boulet back and have her send a team from CIDPC out to quarantine the venue. We need to get this sample back to the lab and confirm that it contains the virus. By the looks of some of those people… I’m sure this is it.”

Listening to them talk, Brian suddenly felt queasy. He stifled a cough. Now was not the time to speak up, just as it was not the time to be falling ill. His team needed him. But as he walked away, he cast an uneasy look back at the Air Canada Centre, thinking of all the sick people, unknowingly trapped inside.


  


In the darkness of the night, a slightly small warehouse that was often used as a movie set, located just outside the city limits of Toronto, was hosting a small group of people who were quite different than its regular guests. The stillness of the night and the rustling sounds of the wild animals around the deserted area gave nothing away, yet inside the obsolete building, it was a different case.

In the far corner of the room, a short, Hispanic man sat oddly still on his chair, a chair which looked more like a throne and definitely out of place. In contrast with his stillness, his left eye kept twitching, as he carefully watched his companions on the other side of the warehouse.

“I used to call you my girl… I used to call you my friend...”

A sudden stir disturbed the man’s stillness, diverting his attention for a second. His eyes darted towards his right shoulder. A rather small, but very intelligent-looking ferret was covering his ears and shaking his head feverishly, almost falling off from his master’s shoulder. The man let out a small smile, stroking the ferret with his left hand, trying to calm him down.

“I know, Dr. Twitches, I can barely endure it as well…” He sighed slowly, as he turned his attention back to the corner of the warehouse, where four of his minions – four brothers, in fact – were practicing on a small, carelessly-built stage.

“I miss you like crazy... even more than words can say… I miss you like crazy… every minute, every day… Whoo!”

The ferret, who was known as Dr. Twitches, squealed loudly and climbed his way down from his master’s shoulder to his lap, burying his face under his shirt. The sudden movement of his beloved animal disturbed the man immensely; he hated it when his attention was constantly divided by outside effects.

“I miss you, miss you, miss you… Whoo, I miss you like crazy…”

Irritated and very fed up with the crap amount of music he had to put up with for the sake of his latest mission, the man stood up from his seat abruptly. Dr. Twitches squealed and fell down to the floor, only to climb back up to the safety of his master’s shoulder.

The short, Hispanic man took a couple of steps forward towards the light, making himself visible to his minions. The music came to a halt the second his appearance was clear to the others.

“Did you like it, Dr. Rough?” the main vocalist of the group asked sheepishly.

Dr. Rough eyed the four brothers one by one, only stopping for two seconds on each one’s face. Three of the brothers looked horrendously identical. All four of the brothers had the same expectant look in their eyes, hoping to be approved as the sort of well-serving minions that their master deserved. Dr. Rough was familiar with that look of expectancy; it made him feel more in control and aware of his power, and it gave him enough excuse to take his brutality beyond measures.

Still, he didn’t enjoy the fact that these four creepy-looking brothers of some sort of music group looked down on him from the small stage. Without saying another word, he walked slowly to the stage, pondering his next set of plans at the same time. He slowly raised his hand to his right shoulder, where Dr. Twitches was now calmly sitting, since the music had stopped, and stroked him. It always helped him when he wanted to clear his mind and focus on his task.

He climbed the small stairs that led to the stage slowly and made his way towards the center, noticing one of them stepping out of his way hurriedly. The lead singer of the group was still standing in the middle of the stage, in front of his microphone, clutching his guitar tightly, staring at his master with utter fear.

“Scott, was it?” Dr. Rough questioned quietly, as he stopped a couple of inches from his minion. The minion nodded in response, gulping almost audibly.

“I wonder why I agreed to continue the mission with you in Europe,” Dr. Rough continued through clenched teeth, “and with that sorry crap of yours that you call music.” He spat out the last word and eyed the rest of the minions, the horrendously identical brothers. “There are not many things that amuse me in this world, but one remains to be how you could make it outside of Canada with such intolerable music. Today’s youth must be deaf.”

He heard another audible gulp coming from the minion standing in front of him. “I can assure you, Dr. Rough, we will be very successful in the upcoming part of our mission. Europe was always welcoming to us; they like our music, and I’m sure-” Scott stopped hastily when he caught the cold stare of his master.

“Move,” Dr. Rough hissed once again. Scott nodded meekly and hurried over to his brothers as quickly as a human could do. Dr. Rough gave them another cold stare, before starting to pace back and forth on the stage.

“I have to concede that your Toronto concert went quite well. Better than I expected.” His voice echoed in the warehouse, accompanying the sound of his languid footsteps. He didn’t notice the beaming faces of his fellow minions in response to his words. He kept walking from one side of the stage to the other, his eyes moving forward and beyond the warehouse he was in, scratching his goatee slowly at the same time.

“The FANthrax virus works brilliantly. There are more casualties than I expected in the first place, and the effects are horrid enough to distract everyone from working properly on any antidote… yet. Everyone forgets Canada, just like how HimTak had forgotten about me. Brutally, without the blink of an eye. Without seeing what they were missing. And they are going to pay for that. The price for dissing Dr. Rough like a piece of dirt will be very high. But yes… from now on, the US will remember; the WORLD will remember me. Yes… when my chemical weapon spans the globe, when everyone is vomiting blood and peeing purple, dying uncontrollably, they will remember Canada. They will remember how I rose from my ashes in this forgotten land.”

He stood right in the middle of the stage, in front of the microphone. The stage light was upon him, enlightening his rather small figure frighteningly, his shadow falling on the four minions standing behind him, mesmerized in fear. Dr. Rough opened his arms widely, his fists clenched. His voice echoed through the warehouse, now even more, with the help of microphone.

“And as for HimTak… I’ll be their worst nightmare. I’ll be their doom. They will remember me. They will know how they brought their own end to themselves. And from then on, HimTak will REMEMBER MY NAME AND FEAR IT FOREVER! BWAHAHAHA!”


  
FANthrax: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana
“Whoooo… are you? Who, who… who, who…” Nick sang as they walked through one of the biocontainment labs at the Toronto branch of the Centre for Infectious Disease Prevention and Control , where Jeanie was meeting them. Nick could hear a stifled giggle coming from whom he assumed was Red, walking behind him.

“Where is it?” Jeanie asked, when they entered the room. She could not hide the look of anticipation at having the slightest break in the case.

“Here.” Nick held it out to her as if he were a child, showing his mom an “A” on a test.

“Is the lab ready for testing?” Julilly asked Jeanie.

“We’re all set.” Jeanie led them out of the office and through the halls towards the lab she had prepared. The first set of doors they entered was the clean room, and it was here that Jeanie put on her own Hazmat suit, a little sleeker then the bulky, yellow ones the others were still wearing, despite Nick’s complaints about driving with the mask on.

When they were all through the second set of doors, Nick handed Jeanie the bag with the confetti strip inside. Carefully, so as not to disturb the white powder, Jeanie pulled the confetti out using a pair of tweezers and painstakingly cut small pieces off, distributing them among several different Petri dishes and test tubes.

Without words, the three women took samples to different stations within the lab and set to work testing the samples to determine what it was that they were dealing with. Nick watched as Brian took a seat, flipping open his phone to make a strange call through his Hazmat mask. Nick hovered between Red and Julilly, trying to watch what it was they were doing.

After at least an hour, Jeanie piped up, “Well, this is highly unusual. I thought the testing was going to take hours, but it seems the first ones I ran yielded results that shed some light on the situation.”

“Hrm, it’s almost as if we’re in a story, instead of real life,” Nick reflected.

Jeanie looked at the blond agent and chortled. “Like this could be made up.” She sighed, amused, and continued, “It seems we are dealing with two different strands of the same containment. Which makes sense, after studying the cases,” mused Jeanie.

“I have discovered that the powder contains a virus. It appears to be a new strain of virus, manufactured, not one that occurs naturally. Its genetic structure has been modified to shorten its incubation period and increase its rate of transmission. What I can gather is the confetti was coated in the powder before being shot over the crowd. We are looking at hundreds of infected from that concert alone.”

“So those that were at the concert were infected first?” Red questioned.

“Bree-Anna had a front row seat,” Nick piped up. “I saw a video with her holding the ticket and was able to catch that detail.”

“She would have received a high dose of the powder if that was the case. But that doesn’t explain how she passed it on to her sister, who wasn’t at the concert, nor does it explain how others at the hospital are getting sick without having had any contact with the infected patients. Which is why I’m hypothesizing that there are two strains, perhaps a mutation of the original strain that has caused it to go airborne. Whether accidental or deliberate, an airborne mutation would give whoever did this the perfect way of transporting the toxin to thousands of others.”

Clearing his throat, Brian chimed in, “I spoke with Terrance’s mother, and she found his ticket. He was at the concert; our hunch was correct. She did tell me that he was sitting pretty far back from the stage; she remembered hearing him grumble about how bad his seat was. The confetti cannons didn’t shoot that far up into the stadium. He would have inhaled the powder, but from what you’ve said, it shouldn’t have taken hold of him as fast as it did…” He trailed off, ending his observation with a strong cough that forced him to take a seat or fall over.

“There had to be another way he had it enter his bloodstream,” Red added. “Perhaps…”

“Brian!” Julilly shouted, as she watched the agent fall off his chair and onto the floor, pulling off his Hazmat helmet and letting a stream of bloody vomit escape onto the floor.

“No!” Nick had started towards him, moving to lift his helmet and help the downed agent. Before he could, Red grabbed his hands. “He’s infected, Nick.”

Jeanie was already on the phone with the hospital to get an ambulance. The three agents stood there, as Brian lay curled in the fetal position, feeling untrained and helpless to aid him.


  


“Go faster!”

“I am!” Nick snapped back at Red. Studying her out of the corner of his eye, as much as the Hazmat suit allowed, Nick noticed the doctor’s odd panic. For someone who was known to be the calmest among the agents, it was a behavior Nick wasn’t used to witnessing.

Shrugging, he kept his eyes on the road and the ambulance he was following closely. The loud siren of the ambulance was disturbing him; nonetheless, it also allowed them to clear the roads and make it to the hospital in the shortest period of time.

Red almost jumped out of the bright yellow Hummer before it came to a halt behind the ambulance when they arrived to the hospital and rushed to the paramedics who were taking Brian inside.

“Stay away, ma’am!” one of the paramedics yelled at Red, who was running next to the stretcher upon which Brian was lying.

“I WON’T stay away!” Red shouted back at the paramedic. “He’s my colleague, and we both work for US government, so I suggest YOU stay away!”

“Shitballs,” Nick muttered to himself, as he watched the scene Red had created in a mere matter of seconds. He got out of the Hummer and rushed inside to her side, only to see that the paramedic had blocked her way as the others took Brian away.

“Sir, it’s alright,” he said calmly, as he pulled Red gently towards him by the arm. “Lady here is also a doctor, and we’re supposed to stay with the patient at all times.” He searched through the suit’s pockets and took out his HimTak ID to show the paramedic. He knew the guy wouldn’t know what it was, but he also knew that whenever he flipped the ID, FBI style, people would be a bit intimidated and leave them be. As much as he hated the government, it always worked on his behalf when he pulled his government agent act.

Relenting, the paramedic sighed and moved out of their way. “Follow the corridor, go through the doors on your left, and turn right. It’s the third room on your left.”

Nick gave a small nod. “Thank you.”

Unexpectedly silent and unusually stressed, Red followed Nick closely to the said room. Nick was starting to get quite uncomfortable, and it hit the peak point when they reached the room Brian was supposedly in.

“Should you go in first, maybe?” Nick offered sheepishly. Through his Hazmat suit, he could feel that his palms were sweating with anxiety, and he would be a rather happy person if he just stayed outside.

Against his expectations, Red shook her head. “No, I don’t want to face it alone.”

Sighing, Nick turned on the doorknob and stepped inside the room.

There lay Brian on the hospital bed, across the room. His eyes were shut, his jaw was stretched, and his body was stiff. His eyebrows were frowning, showing the immense amount of pain he was in, even though he was not fully conscious. Afraid to go any closer, but not having the determination to stop, Red and Nick walked across the room to take a good look at the CIA agent.

Red gasped as she took a full look at Brian. “Oh no… This can’t be happening.”

Unable to dart his eyes away from the agent’s body, Nick muttered almost inaudibly, “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Red grabbed his patient chart from the foot of the bed and flipped through the pages quickly, mumbling to herself some medical terms that Nick could not follow.

“I hate to say this...” she started, as she came next to the bed again and checked Brian’s skin closely. “His fever is 105, and…” She slowly motioned to a black swelling on his arm. “… he has the black pustules.” She checked the monitor next to the bed and eyed Brian’s chest, which was moving up and down faster than normal. “His breathing is labored. He…”

“He’s infected; I can tell,” Nick finished her sentence, distressed.

“We need to find a cure imme-“ Before Red could finish, Brian’s body went into sudden convulsions, causing them to startle.

“What do we do?” Nick cried, horrified, as he watched Brian’s body spasm uncontrollably. He reached for Brian’s flailing arm, trying to pin it down.

“Don’t try to hold him down. Just make sure he doesn’t fall off the bed,” Red directed. “It’ll pass.”

It was torture, having to stand by helplessly and do nothing while Brian twitched violently, his head thrown back, his adam’s apple bulging from his throat, his hands clenched into tight fists, which he’d drawn stiffly to his chest. But Red was right, and within minutes, the seizure passed. Brian’s frown seemed to ease down a little as his expression got softer. His lips parted slowly as he let out a soft moan.

“Help me turn him on his left side,” Red said softly. “In case he vomits.”

They did this, but Nick could see Brian’s eyelashes fluttering. Was he starting to wake up? “Brian?” he asked, bending over him.

“Nick…” Red whispered tentatively.

Ignoring her, he leaned in closer to Brian’s face. Brian let out a soft moan again, before a small syllable that was all too familiar escaped his lips.

“Ash…”

Nick stood up straight; his eyes grew wide from what he’d just heard. A small relief filled him as he realized Brian was not fully unconscious after all.

A small tug on his suit caught his attention. Turning back, he saw Red, pointing at something before him with widened eyes. Following her motion, Nick eyes fixed on the catheter bag hooked up on Brian.

It was filled with purple liquid.

“We don’t have much time,” Red spoke slowly. “We need to find a cure, an antidote, before the virus infects his whole system.” Her voice was shaking with panic. “I need to go back to the lab and work on an antidote; Jeanie must need help… Give me the car keys, Nick.”

Hardly paying any attention to what she was saying, Nick took out the keys from his pocket and tossed them towards her. He had only one mission on his mind. Searching the room with his eyes, he noticed Brian’s Hazmat suit in the opposite corner. He walked across the room and searched through the pockets and found what he was looking for.

He flipped the cell phone open once he was out of the room. Checking the recent calls, he saw the name he wanted to call. He hit the yes button, and before the second ring, a chirpy but delicate female voice answered.

“Hi baby!”

Nick winced. “Opal…”

“Nick?” Nick was surprised that Brian’s girlfriend, whose real name was Ashavari, had recognized his voice immediately. After all, they had only met each other once. “What’s wrong?”

“I have some news. But please, stay calm-“

A soft sob came from the other line. “Is he gone? Nick… tell me, is Brian… is he… dead?”

Taken aback, Nick answered quickly. “What? No, no, he’s still alive. Believe me. Just… he’s not in a good condition…”

“Nick, tell me the truth. What happened? Did he get infected with the virus?”

Pro, or con, of having a girlfriend as your colleague: They jump to conclusions and don’t dwell with reasons.

Nick found himself stuttering. “He… he really is alive. But yeah, we… we think he got somehow infected; we’re not entirely sure-“

“Does he have a fever? Any shortness of breath? Is he conscious? Did he vomit blood?”

A definite pro. Nick was almost certain she knew more than he did about the virus. When Brian had found the time to inform her was beyond him.

“Well, yeah… but he’s not fully conscious, not fully unconscious either… coming in and out of it…” He decided to keep the fact of Brian’s urine turning purple to himself.

“Oh my god… I told him to be extra careful…” Opal ranted, as Nick heard loud noises coming from her end of the line. From what he could tell, she was packing.

“Opal, please, please stay calm. Please. He’s in the hospital, and Red and several other doctors are working on an antidote. He’ll be fine; you’ll see. But just in case…”

He heard a door shut on the phone. “I’m already on my way, Nick. Thank you for letting me know. Please, take care of him for me. See you in a few hours.”

She hung up. Lowering the phone from his ear, Nick let out a soft sigh. “I will, Opal. Just hurry.”


  


The tires squealed loudly, as Red hit the brakes in front of the Centre for Infectious Disease Prevention and Control and got out of the Hummer as fast as the Hazmat suit allowed her. She was really starting to get claustrophobic in her suit; she felt her breath shortening as she rushed inside the building and made her way to the labs.

She didn’t know why she had felt such a strong urge to leave Brian’s side and rush back to the labs, but she was desperate to find something that would fight the virus. It was to their luck that the disease centre was fairly close to the hospital and the car had GPS. She was losing track of time, but she was quite sure it had taken her less than ten minutes to drive back to the lab.

She ran into Jeanie halfway. “Julianne? What are you doing back here?” Jeanie questioned in surprise. “Weren’t you supposed to be in the hospital with…”

“Agent’s Littrell’s infected,” Red said, breathless.

Jeanie sighed with sorrow as they hurried back to the labs. “I knew it. Does he show all the symptoms?”

“High fever, shortness of breath, delirium… he’s almost unconscious. And purple urine,” Red counted in one breath.

“Those are all the common symptoms for both types of the virus.” Jeanie opened the door to the lab and let Red in.

“He never took his helmet off!” Red exclaimed. “We’ve been extra careful with that, and I was with him all day.”

“Then his is the direct contact type,” Jeanie estimated.

“He has black pustules all over his body as well!” Red added. She wanted to smack herself; how could she forget that?

Jeanie nodded knowingly. “Definitely the direct contact type. The victims who got the airborne kind didn’t have any of those.”

“Clear a lab for me,” Red demanded, her voice cracking. “I have to work on an antidote immediately. We can’t afford to lose him.”

Jeanie looked at her sympathetically. “I know, honey. I already started working on an antidote. Take a look at it here.” She motioned towards a computer. She typed something on the keyboard, and a microscope image of the virus infecting a blood cell popped up on the screen.

“See?” Jeanie asked Red, who was studying the image carefully. “If we can develop the inactive form of virus, we can create a vaccine for the victims that were exposed to the virus. That is, of course, if we can treat them soon after exposure.”

Red shook her head with disappointment. “That won’t help Agent Littrell at all. He already shows the symptoms. I just hope he’s not already in the terminal phase...” She trailed off, shuddering.

The thought of it alone made her weak in the knees. She felt dizzy.

“I know.” Jeanie nodded. “Another way is finding an immune person and producing an antibody from their blood system.” She patted Red’s arm supportively. “We’re almost certain that will work perfectly for the victims with symptoms.”

Red pulled away a little, looking at her apologetically. “Almost certain doesn’t help me, Jeanie. You don’t understand. We can’t lose Agent Littrell. We just can’t. I can’t let that happen.”

“We’re working hard on this antidote, Julianne,” Jeanie assured. “The results will come in in no time, and we’ll be able to cure Agent Littrell; I promise.” She looked right into her eyes. “You have my word.”

Relenting, Red let out a soft sigh. “Is there a way I can be of any help for the antidote?”

Jeanie smiled understandingly. “You can help Agent Littrell. We need to slow down the spread of the virus to gain more time. We came up with some self-made medication that we think would help us on that note.”

“Can we try blood transfusion?” Red suggested.

“Most definitely. I’ll call the hospital immediately to find the same blood type of Agent Littrell, so we can follow the routine blood transfusion. It will clear his blood enough for us to make it on time for the antidote to be injected into his body.”

“I’ll head back to the hospital to make sure they run the process as planned,” Red agreed. She was racking her brain hard to find other solutions.

“It would help if we try to remove the pustules from his skin, probably…” she continued.

Jeanie acknowledged silently.

“I should go back,” Red said finally and left the lab hurriedly. She felt like she was virtually useless with Brian’s situation, but she had to try to help Brian, try the medication Jeanie had come up with in order to keep him alive.

She arrived back at the hospital in no time. Making her way to Brian’s room, she hesitated for a moment before going inside, afraid to see his condition. Taking a deep breath and hoping that at least he wasn’t worse than he’d been, she walked in.

Nick was standing by his side, studying his expression carefully. Red walked towards him and put a hand on his arm.

“How is he holding up?” she asked slowly.

“Been going in and out of it for awhile. His fever has been stabilized, but didn’t go down,” he said briefly. “A doctor came in a couple of minutes ago and said they’ll try a blood transfusion.”

Red nodded. “Jeanie and I thought it would help give us time until the antidote is ready.”

Nick’s face beamed. “So there’s an antidote?”

“They’re still working on it, but everyone’s positive it’ll cure him… and the other victims with the symptoms.” Red looked around and saw a tray of medical equipment. Thanking Jeanie inwardly, she made her way towards the end table and grabbed the small scalpel.

She wasn’t going to let fate take its toll on her this time around. No way. Twice was more than enough. She had failed with Drums, and there had been no chance of saving Shazam. Her eyes welled up with tears as she remembered the past events, the lost colleagues. The worst thing was, in the current situation, things were far worse from one aspect. She had to watch Brian slip away from her hands slowly, if the antidote didn’t come to rescue on time, or if the current medication didn’t slow down the virus. It all came down to the reaction of the virus to the antidote and whether or not the right treatment arrived in time.

“What are you doing?” Nick’s question took her out of her thoughts.

She gazed at Nick. “I’m going to try removing the dead skin and these black pustules.” She eyed Brian’s skin and realized that the pustules had increased quite noticeably in the time she was at the lab.

She shook her head slowly and leaned towards Brian’s body, only to realize her hands were trembling. She stood up straight and closed her eyes, cursing to herself inwardly. This was not the time to get emotional, nor to let her own failures affect Brian’s recovery… if he could recover, that was.

“Jewel…” Nick asked softly, “are you alright?”

Not taking her eyes off Brian’s figure, Red nodded slowly. She had to be strong. She had to be strong for Brian. She wasn’t going to let some stupid virus take him away. Not this time around. Not Brian. He was going to be healthy again. He was going to beat this disease.

“I’m gonna kick this virus’s ass, Littrell,” she muttered slowly, as she leaned towards his body again. “Just hang in there.”


  


Nick slumped back in the seat, letting his eyes drift shut. One thing he hadn’t counted on was the overwhelming guilt he’d feel for leaving Brian back at the hospital like he had. If only…

“Hey, you okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“He’s gonna be okay, Nick; ya gotta believe that,” Julilly said quietly.

“I do, but… I mean, shit. I dunno, it’s scary having it this close; it coulda been any of us… but, I mean, Brian… we didn’t get along, but still.”

“We aren’t gonna do him any good just sitting there, watching him like that, you know? We have to keep moving, keep fighting. Make the person who started this pay,” Julilly announced, determination in her voice.

Nick sighed, lowering his head and opening his eyes. They were on their way back to the arena to see if they could possibly find anything else. The mood was now grim, compared to the first time they’d gone there. It was a matter of life or death, at this point.

Yeah, a little too close to home for his liking.

Julilly was right, though: they needed to keep working. He’d be damned if he let this continue. Someone was going to pay for this.


  
FANthrax: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana
“What do you think? Should we split up? We can cover more ground that way,” Nick asked, as they stood at the top of the arena, looking out.

“Nah, I think we should stay together for this,” Julilly said briskly. “Two pairs of eyes are better than one. We can’t fuck around this time, Nick; we gotta be on the ball. C’mon,” she finished, starting down the aisle.

They started at one side of the arena, looking in various hidden and unused spots; nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They carefully, but quickly made their way over to the other side of the arena, still coming up short.

“Shit, this is fuckin’ useless. There’s nothing here,” Nick growled in frustration.

“There’s gotta be something we’re missing. Something,” Julilly sighed.

“Hell, he’s not gonna stick around here. I mean, that’s a long shot.”

“I know that, Nick, but maybe he left something behind, something we can use to…”

Just then, Nick’s cell phone rang. Now what? Fumbling around inside the bulky suit, he flipped it open. “Carter.”

“Hey Nick, Jay here. Look, we just got reports of some suspicious activity taking place at Toronto City Centre Airport.”

Nick frowned, looking over at Julilly. “The airport? But it’s supposed to be closed.”

“Exactly. Something’s going on; we need you and Julilly to head over there and fast.”

“Shit, SHIT!” Nick moaned, flipping the phone closed. “C’mon, we’ve got to head over to the City Centre airport.”

“Huh? Airport? But why? It’s supposed to be…”

“I know, damn it, but there’s something going on over there; that was AJ. We need to check it out. It‘s him; it‘s gotta be.”

Turning, they made their way up and quickly out of the arena.


  


Julilly had barely brought the Hummer to a stop before Nick jumped out and ran up to the entrance of the Toronto City Centre Airport, a small compound located on one of the Toronto Islands on Lake Ontario. Quickly showing his badge, he plowed through the door and came to an abrupt stop. He was gently jostled when Julilly bumped into him.

“Let me know before you brake next time, Carter, jeez! What? What is it? What do you see?” she asked, trying to look around him.

“Nothing.”

She frowned. “Nothing?”

“Yeah, it’s quiet… a little too quiet.”

Julilly rolled her eyes. “It’s evacuated. What were you expecting, a marching band?”

Nick glared at her before slowly making his way deeper into the building.

“This place is huge. How are we supposed to find anything?” Julilly groaned in frustration.

“Well, he said there was some suspicious activity, so there has to be something that…” He stopped, as they made their way around the corner.

Several of the chairs in the waiting areas of the concourse were on their sides and thrown into the middle of the aisle. The large, plate glass windows were shattered on the floor.

“What in the hell happened here?” Julilly gasped.

Just then, they heard a door slam, and they both took off at a run.

“Hurry, he’s here, damn it!” Nick yelled.

They rounded another corner in time to see a door slowly swinging shut. They hurried through the door and up several flights of stairs.

“Through there,” Nick panted, jerking the door open.

There he was, and though his back was turned, there was something familiar about his styled, dark hair and his Napoleon-esque stature.

“Stop, stop, you asshole!” Nick screamed, running towards him, rushing ahead of Julilly, pulling his gun and firing several rounds.

“Nick, stop!”

Turning around on the spot, Dr. Rough smirked. “Aww. Looks like you found me.”

“You. I should have known you were behind this,” Nick replied coldly. “You’re going down,”

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are,” growled Nick. “Right… NOW!”

“Nick, wait!” Julilly yelled, just as Nick made a flying leap, tackling Dr. Rough to the ground.

“Don’t move, you bastard!”

Dr. Rough laughed. “I‘m so scared…”

“Shut up! Shut the hell up!”

“How have things been at work, huh? Busy, busy, I hear, what with all the recent rash of people getting sick. It‘s so tragic. Your hands must be full with all those investigations. Probably have to have people from different branches of… oh, I don’t know, the government, maybe, to help you?”

Nick stilled.

Dr. Rough smiled suddenly. “How’s your friend there? That CIA agent? He dead yet?”

Nick blinked. How did he know?

It was just the opening Dr. Rough needed, and, before Nick knew it, his head whipped to the side from a weak, but effective blow. Nick hadn’t been expecting it, and he toppled back.

Dr. Rough scrambled away, standing up and brushing his suit off.

“It’s really a shame, isn’t it? He’s going to die, and for such a noble cause… Oh well, can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs, right, my friend?” Dr. Rough sneered.

“Don’t move, you bastard. Hands up!” Julilly demanded coldly.

Howie threw her an unimpressed look, before turning and hurrying through a door that led out onto the roof, where there was a helicopter pad. There, waiting, its engine running, rotors already in motion, was the FANS helicopter, the very same one that had rescued them from the pirate ship.

“No!” Nick screamed, getting to his feet, running after him.

Dr. Rough hurried into the helicopter, and it started to take off.

“That was a fuckin’ cheap shot, you asshole!! Way to get me next time, huh? Why are you running?!” Nick lifted his gun, emptying it on the helicopter as it flew away.

Breathing hard, he slowly lowered the gun, staring at the now clear sky. He’d gotten away; he couldn’t believe he’d gotten away. Again.

“C’mon, Nick, we’ve gotta get back,” Julilly pressed, tugging on his arm.

Nick reluctantly turned and started off with her. This wasn’t over, not by a long shot.


  


Her feet sounded louder than they were, drums in her head as she walked down the halls towards Brian’s room. The Hazmat suit she wore was far from comfortable, but she couldn’t care less. After Nick’s phone call, Opal had called in every favor she could, all to get there, to the Canadian hospital her boyfriend was in, as soon as possible. Thanks to a mutual friend of both hers and Brian’s in the Air Force, she’d gotten there within mere hours so she could be there for the one she loved.

She didn’t care about the assignment she’d been given the other day, after Brian had left for Canada. She had left it all behind in an instant. Brian was more important to her, and the agency would just have to deal with it and understand. And if they didn’t, she’d handle that later. None of that was important right then, no matter how much she loved and valued her job and country.

“Excuse me, Miss, you can’t go down that hallway; it’s on complete quarantine and lockdown.”

“I know, I’m here to see someone who’d been brought in.”

“Ma’am, you can’t do that-” one of the doctors said, as he attempted to block her.

She flashed her badge. “YES, I can, as a matter of fact.” Pushing by him, she went to the room the help desk downstairs had sent her to. There, lying on the bed, was Brian.

He seemed smaller, and her heart ached at the sight. A small-framed man to begin with, he looked to have shrunk in his battle with the disease. He had a bag attached to the bed holding the violet urine; his skin was pale and pocked with pustules; his breathing sounded labored and staggered. There beside him, checking his vitals, was one Opal knew to be from HimTak. She hadn’t met her before, but there was something in the way she worked, just slightly outside of the norm, that signaled that.

The other woman glanced over, her face looking tired and worn, some of her vibrant red hair falling over her eyes underneath the suit. “Opal?”

Opal nodded. “Nick called, and-“

The young doctor nodded. “I’m Red Jewel. He told me you were coming. He and another agent went to try and find the man behind this.”

“How is he?”

“The truth?”

“Please.”

The other woman sighed as she put her clipboard aside. Opal could see the frustration in her eyes at the situation. A feeling that reflected Opal’s rested in her eyes: hopelessness. Brian had told her a lot about the agency his cousin ran. She was one of the best doctors around, and if she was getting frustrated…

“He’s not good. He got the direct strain, right in the bloodstream. We think it happened when he was handling evidence, and a pin poked through his gloves and infected him. That seems to be the source. Because he got it directly, rather than through the air, it’s striking faster and fiercer, giving us less time to give him a cure.”

“There is a cure, right?”

“There will be.”

Ashavari gritted her teeth. She felt so helpless, so weak, and so worthless. Able to do nothing, only watch, as her lover died slowly and painfully before her eyes. Brian lay there, his eyes shut tight, as he tossed in restless sleep. “So what have you been doing for him?” she questioned, fighting hard to keep the irritation free from her voice. It wasn’t Red’s fault; somewhere deep down, she knew that.

“As much as I can. His body can’t fight the disease, we’re fighting to find a cure, and we have agents trying to find the source. All I can do is slow it down, give him an extra day. Maybe two, if we’re lucky. That sets him at about three days, tops.” She sighed, seeing the look on Opal’s face. It was a look of pure torture, fueling the guilt that welled up within Red.

“You wanted honesty…” She paced, feeling like she was Nick at that moment: fidgety, anxious, with a need to move constantly right then.

The other woman merely nodded, fighting desperately to contain herself, as her lover withered and came closer and closer to succumbing to death, while she could do nothing but watch. Red took that as her cue to leave, and left the room, feeling even more desperate to find the cure Brian so needed.

Remaining within the room, Ashavari sat next to Brian’s bed, taking his hand in her own. When she thought of her future, as she often did, she could only see Brian. If she thought of marriage, he instantly came to mind. When she pictured children, she saw Brian at her side. He simply couldn’t die. Not yet. Not now. It was too soon, too sudden, and too unfair. Now that she was alone, she felt the tears burn against the jade eyes Brian loved. Despite her protests, one rebelled and slid down her cheek, trailing along her face in silent victory.

“Ashie…” A faint murmur, but her keen ears caught it instantly.

“Brian? Brian… I’m here.”

He tossed in his bed restlessly, beads of sweat gathering upon his brow and glittering against his skin like diamonds. His eyes shut tight as he fought something only he seemed to see within his mind. Delirium.

“Ashie… Ashavari… no… I need you…”

She stroked his face, bringing a damp washcloth to his forehead to try and cool him down. The touch of his skin was alarmingly warm against her own. “Bri, I’m here, baby. I’m not going to leave you. I’m here.”

“Don’t leave me…”

“I’ll never leave you.”

I’ll always be here for you, Bri.


  


“Hey, wait!” Julilly stopped suddenly, thrusting her arm out and catching him hard in the chest.

Nick coughed and sputtered exaggeratedly. “Jeez – what was that for?” he complained, rubbing his chest.

A smile was slowly twisting one corner of the Canadian agent’s mouth. “Do you see what I see?”

Nick followed her gaze to the ground, where a gray helicopter was grounded near a small hangar. Recognizing the symbol emblazoned on its cabin – a white star in a circle of navy blue, flanked by red and white stripes – he said, “Hey… that’s a U.S. Air Force chopper.”

“Yes. And we’re gonna chopper-jack it.”

Nick barely caught the expression of pure, wild glee on Julilly’s face, before she turned and ducked back through the door, leaving him alone on the rooftop. “Julilly – wait!” he cried exasperatedly, catching the door before it shut. He ran after her down the stairs, shouting, “You can’t be serious! We can’t steal an Air Force helicopter!”

“I thought you hated the US government!” she threw back at him over her shoulder.

“I do!” Nick panted, bursting into the main terminal behind her. “But who’s going to fly it?”

“I am,” Julilly replied matter-of-factly. “I used to be in the Air Force. Canadian, of course. But I don’t think the Yanks will mind me borrowing one of their choppers, not if it helps us catch a terrorist, do you?”

Nick could only offer a weak, “Uh…” He was already beginning to feel queasy at the idea of getting in that helicopter, a feeling that had nothing to do with guilt over the theft of military property.

Julilly rolled her eyes at his hesitance. “Oh, please. You guys are all about the war against terror. Well, now you’ve got yourself an ally – so let’s go fight the bad guy.”

Before he could protest, she grabbed his arm and was hauling him after her through the terminal, until they found an exit onto the tarmac. There was no one outside, no one to stop them; after all, air traffic was supposed to be suspended. What the Air Force helicopter was doing there was a mystery to Nick, but the pilot was nowhere in sight, so it was all too easy for Julilly to climb into the cockpit.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Nick grumbled as he followed her.

“What’s the point of working for an independent organization like HimTak if you’re afraid of breaking the law once in awhile to complete a mission?” scoffed Julilly, firing up the chopper’s ignition.

Nick’s heart began to race as he felt the engine rumble to life beneath his seat. “It’s not that!” he shouted above the roar. “I’m afraid of flying!”

“What??” Julilly shouted back, shaking her head and gesturing to her ears. She reached for a pair of headsets hanging in front of them and handed him one. The headset muffled the noise of the helicopter and allowed him to hear Julilly’s voice in his ears. “There, that’s better. Now let’s go take this bastard down before he gets too far out of range.”

There was no chance to repeat his reservations about flying. Julilly had already reached for the throttle, and Nick’s stomach bottomed out as the helicopter rose from the ground with an unsteady jerk.

“Sorry about that,” Julilly said, with an unapologetic laugh. “It’s been a few years.”

White-faced, Nick watched the grounded airplanes grow smaller and smaller out his window, as the chopper gained altitude. He tried shutting his eyes, but that made it worse; when Julilly shifted direction in midair, the sensation was dizzying without being able to see where they were going. When his eyes flashed open again, they took in only sky and clouds. He couldn’t see anything on the ground without leaning far over in his seat – a mistake, he discovered, as soon as he tried it. He’d never been a fan of airplanes, taking them only when necessary, but now he knew they didn’t even compare to the terror of helicopters.

He felt like he was on some hellish rollercoaster, as the chopper rose, dipped, and weaved abruptly under Julilly’s control. Coasters were fun, though, and mostly safe. This was neither. As much as he hated the idea of Dr. Rough escaping again, he prayed Julilly would give up and take them back to the ground soon.

No such luck – for Nick, anyway. It seemed luck was on Julilly’s side, this time, for after just a few minutes of pushing the helicopter to its maximum speed, she shouted a triumphant, “A-ha! You see that? At about… two o’clock?”

Nick followed her finger, out the windshield, straight ahead and slightly to the right. There was a black speck in the distance, too far ahead to be identifiable, but with air traffic banned, could it be anything but the FANS chopper? “I see it,” he said weakly, suppressing a groan.

“Ha! We’re on his tail now. He’s not getting away this time.” She leaned forward over the controls, her eyes glimmering dangerously. Nick wanted to be excited, but could only feel nauseated, as the helicopter lurched in the direction of the black speck.

They were over water now, the water of what Nick assumed to be Lake Ontario, though it could have been Lake Erie – for a man who traveled the globe for his career, geography had never really been his strong suit. In any case, as Julilly made up ground (air?) between them and Dr. Rough, all Nick could envision was the helicopter plummeting into whichever Great Lake it was, the cockpit filling with icy water before he could force his door open.

“Well, we’re in US airspace now,” said Julilly after a few minutes, when they were back over land. “I wonder if they’ve realized we’ve kidnapped their helicopter yet. I’d radio them if I knew the right frequency, but they might not be so helpful, given the circumstances…”

“Let’s just take him down and get back to the ground,” Nick pleaded.

“You got it.”

They seemed to be getting closer, at least. The speck took on the distinct shape of a helicopter, and before long, they were close enough to catch a glimpse of the infamous initials stenciled on the side, as the helicopter veered to the left.

“You think he knows we’re on his tail?” Nick wondered.

“Oh, he knows. Notice he’s staying over populated areas. That must be Buffalo below us,” said Julilly, pointing towards the ground. “He thinks we won’t attack over civilian zones.”

“And will we?”

Julilly shrugged. “Not if we don’t have to. I’ll try to force him west, toward Erie.” She urged the chopper forward, gaining on the enemy craft. As they started to come up on the FANS chopper’s left flank, the black helicopter swerved sharply to the right and dipped out of their range. Nick’s stomach flip-flopped again as Julilly forced their copter to plummet after it.

The waters of Lake Erie loomed ahead, sparkling blue in the sunlight. Even from the air, the lake looked vast. Nick didn’t want to fly over it, but Julilly was forcing Dr. Rough in that direction.

“Arming the guns,” said Julilly, once they were over the water. “Fire one!” She shot off a round from the helicopter’s weapons, but ahead of them, the FANS chopper swerved out of the way at the last minute. “Hang on… we’ll get him,” growled Julilly in determination. “Fire two!” Another round.

“Damn it,” Nick swore in dismay. The FANS chopper was still in the air.

“Come on, you bastard… fire three!”

The other helicopter had rotated suddenly in midair, as if to turn on them. But this time, it took a hit on the side and started to spin out of control, plummeting in a death spiral. Julilly began to descend after it, intent on capturing Dr. Rough from the water, but halfway down, the FANS chopper suddenly exploded.

“Pull up!” shouted Nick, as a ball of flames swelled upward. Julilly yanked on the stick, and Nick was thrown back against his seat, as the helicopter was forced to climb again sharply.

Once they were leveled out, safely above the inferno below, Nick gazed downward. Through the black smoke, he could make out the burning wreckage: the helicopter’s mangled fuselage half sunk in the lake, the rest floating in pieces all around it in the water, still on fire.

“What made it explode before it crashed?” wondered Nick.

“Must have hit the fuel tank,” Julilly guessed. “You think there’s any way he could have survived that?”

His eyes still on the wreckage, Nick slowly shook his head. “It’s blown apart. There’s no way... If he didn’t die in the blast, he would have been thrown out of the cockpit; the fall alone would have killed him.” He should have felt relieved, even delighted, over his realization, but he didn’t. He felt strangely let down. He’d wanted to catch Dr. Rough himself and make him pay for his crimes, not kill him instantly in a helicopter crash.

“Maybe we should go down anyway,” he added suddenly, “and check.” And then I can find someone to drive me back to Toronto, he thought, vowing he would never set foot in this helicopter – or any other – again.

“That’s probably a good idea,” Julilly agreed, but just as she started to descend again, the radio crackled to life.

“This is Lieutenant Gooding, U.S. Air Force. Identify yourself at once. Over.”

Julilly exchanged a look with Nick, but shrugged and responded, “Copy that. This is Agent Kirk of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, formerly of the Royal Canadian Air Force. My apologies for borrowing your helicopter without permission, but you’ll be glad to know that, with its help, I was able to bring down the man responsible for the act of bioterrorism on Toronto. Over.”

“Say again, Agent Kirk? Over.”

“I said, the terrorist is down, crashed over Lake Erie. We were about to go down and take a closer look, but if you want your chopper back now, you can radio the base closest to Buffalo, New York and have them send their own team in to investigate. Technically, we’ve over U.S. soil now – not my turf. Over.”

“Copy. Give me your coordinates, and I’ll radio for backup. Report back to the airport immediately. Over.”

“Roger that. On our way,” replied Julilly and gave him the coordinates for their location.

“So we’re leaving? Just like that?” asked Nick, as the helicopter rose higher into the air.

Julilly shrugged. “Like I said, it’s not really my turf.”

“Well, it’s mine!”

“You’re not U.S. government either.”

“No, but I’m at liberty to investigate there if I want to!” Nick protested.

“Nick – chill out,” said Julilly, smirking at him. “You said it yourself – there’s no way he could have survived that. Leave it someone else to worry about the clean-up. There’s nothing to find that would interest us, not now, anyway. Let’s get this baby back where it belongs and see how they’re doing with that cure. It’s just too bad we couldn’t interrogate the bastard.”

Nick wasn’t appeased, but he was eager to be back on the ground, so he didn’t argue when Julilly turned the chopper northward again. He did, however, frown in confusion when she bypassed the airport. “Uh, weren’t we supposed to land back there?” he asked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go back after I drop you off,” replied Julilly calmly.

“Drop me off? Where?”

“The hospital – where else? So you can check on the situation there,” said Julilly. “Plus, then no one has to know you were involved in the hijacking of United States military property. They can just blame Canada, as usual.”

Nick shot her a wicked grin, forgetting, for the first time, that he was in the air and terrified. “Blame Canada… blame Canada!” he sang triumphantly. “It seems that everything’s gone wrong, since Canada came along…”

Julilly rolled her eyes. “Please stop.”

“Blame Canada… blame Canada! They’re not even a real country anyway…”

Momentarily distracted, Nick didn’t realize they were descending upon the helipad on the roof of the hospital until the helicopter touched ground with a rather large – perhaps unnecessarily, on-purposely large – bump. Nick’s heart leapt into his throat, pulsing crazily, until he realized he was safe at last. He let out his breath in a rush and reached for the door handle.

Julilly said something, perhaps a goodbye, but her words were lost to the roar of the engine as Nick tore off his headset and opened his door. He jumped down, doubling over to avoid the rotors as he scrambled out of the helicopter’s shadow. He nearly collided with a short, balding man in blue scrubs, who was standing near a stretcher and looking confused.

“Where’s the life flight?” the squat doctor shouted above the noise.

“She’ll get out of your way!” Nick shouted back. Turning, he flashed Julilly the thumbs up. She gave the thumbs up back and reached for the controls within the cockpit.

As the helicopter started to rise from the ground, the doctor reached up to wave. Nick saw what was about to happen a split second before it did, but there was no time to push the other man out of the way. The rotor of the helicopter caught his raised arm and severed it swiftly in a shower of blood. Nick stared in horror as the mangled arm was thrown halfway across the roof, and the doctor collapsed in the pool of blood formed by his spurting stump.

“Oh shit! Sorry!” cried Nick, as the rest of the doctor’s team sprung to action around him. “Uh… blame the Canadian!”


  
FANthrax: Part 9 by Himitsu Takana
Still visibly embarrassed by the recent maiming on the helipad, Nick crept back inside the hospital and made his way into the ward designated for anyone affected by the biochemical agent. He glanced through the doors as he put his biohazard suit back on. The walls were now lined with spare hospital beds, and he could just make out the sounds of misery coming from the ward before he entered.

Bracing himself, he placed the helmet back on and made his way into the ward, where he was almost knocked down by an eager young girl, pushing her way past him and into a room, where several other hospital staff seemed to be heading.

Wonder who’s died now, Nick speculated, as he followed the crowd to the room to at least catch a glimpse before finding Red.

Nick could barely see anything; it seemed as if all the doctors and nurses were crammed into this patients room. “What’s going on?” Nick asked the young lady who had almost knocked him down. She turned and grinned at him. She was not wearing a Hazmat suit. Must have been here since the beginning and will soon be affected herself, he thought.

“It’s Carter,” she started. “He’s getting better.”

I’m Carter, thought Nick in confusion. 00Carter. Then he remembered the other Carter, the doctor, whom Red reported had fallen victim to the epidemic at the hospital. “Oh – good,” he quickly recovered. “I mean, that’s great news!”

The young nurse grinned and then moved out of the way so Nick could attempt to enter the room.

He managed to shove his way through the swarm of doctors and lab personnel chattering anxiously, as Dr. Carter was being examined by Jeanie and Red Jewel. Nick could see Dr. Carter’s eyes open and looking around. He was watching all the people in the room; half smiles formed on his lips when he saw some people. Soon he closed his eyes again, presumably to sleep. People started to dissipate, but many still lingered.

“Red?” Nick queried.

“Nick, he’s improving. The welts are going away, and Jeanie just came back with the results of his latest bloodwork, which shows that the levels of the biochemical detected earlier have decreased significantly. I was just getting a fresh blood sample to take back to the lab to synthesize an antidote.” She squeezed Nick’s arm and started to proceed through the remaining people.

All of a sudden, there was a commotion in the hall, and the same mass of personnel flocked out of the room ahead of them. Stuck at the back of the crowd, Red and Nick made it out of the ward just in time to see a stretcher fly by in a flash of blood-soaked blue. “What happened, I wonder?” asked Red, frowning in concern.

“Oh… uh…” Nick grimaced. “Slight mishap on the helipad. Julilly can explain when she gets back.”

“Ah,” murmured Red, her thoughts clearly elsewhere. “Well, I’ve got to get this to the lab. Why don’t you go check on Brian?” With that, she squeezed through the lingering herd of hospital staff and disappeared.

Nodding after her, Nick turned and ducked back into the isolation ward, making his way to Brian’s room.


  


Nick stared. For an ambiguous period of time, he stared at his – as weird as it sounded – colleague’s unconscious body. He could swear he was counting seconds away, seconds that felt longer than hours, accompanied by the constant buzzing and beeping of the several machines that Brian was hooked up to. His own stomach had given up on cramping every time Brian went into a seizure or when his dry lips let out a usually inaudible word or a moan, mostly because he’d been awfully quiet for awhile. Several nurses, in the company of Red and Jeanie, had come in and out to check his blood and fever, and not long after their last visit, it had been officially declared: He was now in a fevered coma.

A soft sob came from his side, dividing his dark thoughts. Nick eyed the brunette woman sitting next to him. Tears were rolling silently from her eyes, her bright green eyes, which were not looking anywhere else but at Brian. Feeling oddly inadequate, not knowing what to do, Nick sighed and turned back his gaze to him.

The door of the room suddenly burst open, startling both of them, and along came Jeanie, holding a syringe in one hand, followed closely by Red.

“Is it ready?” Opal asked, slowly standing up. A hint of hope, which only Nick could notice, was hidden in her voice.

Red nodded. “Yes, finally. We ran a couple of tests on the guinea pigs, and it seems to work just fine. Let’s just hope the same for Brian,” she sighed and turned to look at Jeanie, who was preparing the needle for injection. “Let’s just hope we’re not too late.”

Opal sobbed softly again, her lower lip trembling. “Baby...”

They all stood still and watched Jeanie find the vessel on Brian’s arm and wipe the area where she was going to inject the needle with an alcohol swab. Being the pro that she was, it took her only seconds to insert the syringe with the antidote made from Dr. Carter’s blood into Brian’s skin and push the plunger down. All three pairs of eyes watched the vital scene without a blink, as the antidote made its way into Brian’s bloodstream.

Jeanie placed a clean cotton ball over the injection site and withdrew the needle from Brian’s skin, gently applying pressure on his arm. Her expression was full of sorrow, but also the determination that was all too familiar when a doctor wanted to cure a patient. Sending another glance to Brian, she rejoined towards the rest, wiping her forehead with the back of her gloved hand.

“Let’s hope for the best, people. If Dr. Carter could get better, so can Agent Littrell.” Her eyes panned across all three of them slowly, her gaze landing on Opal, whose eyes were still fixated on Brian. She sighed. “I just hope we weren’t too late. The efficiency of the antidote is the only thing we can lean on right now – that, and the strength of Agent Littrell’s immune system. We can only wait and see how his body will react now.”

Opal collapsed back onto the chair she’d been sitting in and rested her dark head on her hands. Little did they know, she was softly praying under her breath, like she’d been doing between her sobs for the past few hours.

Red motioned Jeanie to follow her outside the room. She wanted to fully get her hands on the current situation Brian was in and exchange other possible ways of saving him if the antidote didn’t work as they’d planned. Red mouthed, “We’ll be right back,” to Nick and squeezed his arm kindly.

As the two doctors left the room, Nick caught a glimpse of Julilly standing in the doorway. Meeting his gaze, she raised her hand to wave, hesitating to come into the room. Eying Opal and figuring he could leave her alone for a couple of minutes, Nick followed suit and went out into the hallway to meet Julilly.

“How is he holding up?” Julilly asked hesitantly.

Nick let out a tired sigh. “I don’t know.” He rubbed his forehead with his fingers. In hopes that all of the dark thoughts would just disappear, as well as the killer headache, he shook his head slowly. “He’s been going in and out, but for the past hour, he’s been in a coma. Jeanie and Red just applied the antidote they prepared from Dr. Carter’s blood, but I don’t know if it will work.” He growled exasperatedly, “I just wish I’d gotten the chance to rip that twitchy bastard’s head off. A helicopter crash was a good way to go compared to what I would have done to him.”

Smiling sympathetically, Julilly placed her hand on Nick’s arm, rubbing it slowly.

“He’ll be fine, Nick. I’m sure he’ll kick this virus’s ass. Littrell may be small, but I think he’s pretty tough on this inside.”

Nick’s lips cracked a lopsided smile. “Indeed, he is.” He looked back into the room, where Brian was still lying unconscious. “He definitely knows how to kick some serious ass.”

“Have faith in him, Nick, and have faith in the antidote. You’ll see… Before you realize, he’ll be back on his feet, healthier than ever. I don’t know him personally, but from what I could tell, he’s not the kind of person to let a stupid virus take him down.”

Nick nodded. He knew Julilly was right. In the short and not-so-pleasant time he’d known Agent Littrell, although he didn’t want to admit, Nick had witnessed that he was one of the most determined and strong people he had ever encountered. Often enough, Nick thought The Rok would do a brilliant job if he were a part of HimTak.

And now, he was worried. Not only was he worried that someone had caught this awful virus and was battling for his life right behind that door; he was worried that it was Brian. Brian, Agent Littrell, The Rok, cousin of his boss, and, at the most basic form, an ally for HimTak. Someone he’d fought side by side with for the same cause.

And at that point, it didn’t matter that he was a part of the American government, a group he hated almost more than he’d hated that twitchy bastard himself. He was suddenly overcome with a strange realization. He cared for Brian. It had surprised him enough as it was that he was worried for him, worried about whether or not he’d make it, but now it also surprised him when he found himself hoping deeply that Brian would be back on his feet soon, so he could annoy the hell out of Nick.

Nick let out another sigh. “I should go back in,” was all he said. He’d never admit his true feelings out loud.

Julilly nodded. “I’ll be around.”

Feeling the need to be polite, Nick knocked on the door before walking back into the room. The scene was identical to the one he’d left: Brian lay unconsciously in the silent room, accompanied only by the constant beeping and buzzing of the machines, with Opal crying silently on the other side of the room.

Opal.

Nick was clueless when it came to comforting other people; hell, he didn’t even know how to comfort himself. And he was notorious for saying the wrong things at the very wrong times. But, at least, he could be there. He could just be there for her.

Slumping into the chair next to Opal, he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards him. Delicate to another person’s touch, Opal just gave in and rested her dark head on Nick’s shoulder, tugging on his suit.

“He’s gonna be alright, Opal,” he whispered, as he rubbed her shoulder softly. “He’s gonna be alright.”


  


The day turned into night. Night passed, gradually. They waited. Mostly in silence, with occasional coffee breaks, chit-chatting now and then about the most random things, just to break the tension that surrounded them. Nick made sure he goofed around enough to distract Opal from going crazy, just waiting there. And Opal, being a hardcore agent at heart, wanted to know all the details about the virus, the mission, and the man behind it all.

When dawn broke, the sun shone with its full might. The room was dim because of the closed window blinds, but the sunbeams still seeped in, bathing the room in a soft, orange tone.

Nick’s head kept falling down onto his chest, and every time, he jerked his chin up, his eyes flying open to see if there was any difference in Brian’s condition. Opal was sleepless all night, barely winking an eye.

However, the last time he couldn’t resist sleep taking him over, it wasn’t his fallen head that woke him up. It was Opal’s sudden tugging on his arm.

“He moved!” Opal whispered enthusiastically. “Nick! Wake up! Brian just moved his foot!”

“Huh?” Nick straightened himself up on the chair, rubbing his eyes.

Opal was already by Brian’s bedside, carefully examining his body and his face. Afraid a single touch would break him into pieces, she gently stroked Brian’s hand.

Nick shook the sleepiness off of him right in time to see Brian moving his head slightly.

And a minute later, Brian’s eyes fluttered open.

“Ashy...” his voice was cracked.

“I’m right here, baby,” Opal spoke tenderly, taking his hand into hers. “Thank God..”

In an attempt to speak more, Brian tried to clear his throat, which made him cough uncontrollably.

“Shh… don’t wear yourself down...” Opal coaxed her boyfriend. She cleaned the tiny sweat drops that had appeared on Brian’s forehead with a damp cloth. “You need your energy.”

Brian moaned, once the coughing was over. Taking a full glance around the room, he noticed Nick sitting on the other side of the room, looking around sheepishly. His glance turned towards Opal again, his expression confused. “What happened?”

A stubborn tear rolled down on Opal’s face. “Oh baby, I thought I lost you…” She caressed Brian’s dark blonde locks lovingly. “When Nick told me you got infected, I thought I was going to die. You’ve been through hell and back, baby. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you…”

Brian wiped away another tear from Opal’s face with his free hand and pulled her chin in for a small peck.

“I’m not going anywhere, Ashy. I will never leave you. I won’t let anything tear us apart, let alone a stupid virus…” He cracked a smile. “I’m the luckiest man in the world. Your love keeps me alive.”

“I love you, Brian…”

Nick just sat there awkwardly, a heavy lump caught in his throat. He wasn’t one to enjoy emotional scenes; as a matter of fact, he felt quite uncomfortable whenever he found himself in one. This time around, though, to his surprise, as the lump in his throat could explain, he found himself getting emotional as well.

Brian was a lucky man, indeed.

He stood up from his seat and made his way out of the room, trying not to draw any attention to himself. Luckily, Brian and Opal were too engrossed in each other to notice.

He bumped into Red and Jeanie on the hallway.

“I was just coming to tell you...” he started.

“Did something happen to Brian?” Red cut his sentence worriedly.

“No, he’s getting better…” Nick replied, noticing the sudden light in both doctors’ faces. “Actually, he just woke up!”

The two doctors looked at each other for a second to process the news they’d just heard. It took them another second to fully comprehend what Nick had said, before they hugged each other tightly, between mumbles of, “Thank God,” and, “We did it.”

“I better go inside to check him,” Jeanie piped up, when their small celebration ended.

“I would wait for awhile if I were you,” Nick chimed in, wiggling his eyebrows. “Let the lovebirds finish declaring their undying love for each other.” He stuck his finger down his throat, pretending to retch.

Jeanie and Red could only show patience for another five minutes before bursting into Brian’s room. It surprised Nick how different Brian looked already: the black pustules were disappearing, his blue eyes were shining, and he was smiling. So was Opal.

“Look who’s back among us!” Red said joyfully. “You just kicked the virus’s butt, Agent Littrell.”

“You had doubts that I wouldn’t, Dr. Llewellyn?”

Red shook her head. “Not for a second, Brian. Not for a damn second.”

For the next half an hour, there was a constant rush in Brian’s room. Nurses and doctors came in and out, checking Brian’s vitals, congratulating him, congratulating Jeanie and Red. One survivor was one thing, but two meant that the antidote was working and could be used to cure other victims.

The virus was officially beaten.

The rush died down eventually, and they were left alone. Happiness was contagious and solid in the hospital room. Jeanie and Red were informing Brian about the virus and how it had been cured, while Opal was, in the most basic form, gleaming. She was nursing Brian like a baby, coddling him with all her being.

Nick was watching the scene before him with an indefinable peaceful feeling, when a soft knock on the door diverted his attention. A nurse poked her head inside, eyeing everyone before entering the room.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, smiling, “but I’m afraid visiting hours are over. We have to let Mr. Littrell rest. He’s been through a lot, as you already know. Plus, the sooner he gets back on his feet, the sooner we can send him home.”

They all nodded in agreement. Jeanie and Red said goodbye to Brian and followed the nurse outside.

“I’ll be back first thing in the morning.” Opal leaned in and gave Brian a small kiss. “Even before you wake up. I love you, baby.”

Brian smiled and pulled her in for another kiss. “I love you too, Ash.”

Opal left Brian’s side and walked over towards the door. Nick held the door open for her, motioning her to go out first. She smiled with gratitude and walked past him.

“Carter?”

Nick was right about to step outside the door when he heard Brian calling his name. He stopped and turned back towards Brian.

A mischievous smile was playing on the agent’s lips. “I heard you wailed like a baby in a helicopter chase... just to try and save me.”

“Yeah, well... word travels fast around here, doesn’t it?” Nick suddenly felt embarrassed. What had he been thinking when he’d told Opal how he’d almost had a panic attack during the chase, anyway?

“I’m kidding, Carter.” Brian chuckled softly, before his expression turned serious. “Thank you. For everything. But especially for taking care of Opal. It means a lot.”

His hands tucked in his pockets, Nick lowered his head, kicking an invisible object on the floor.

“Nah, it’s no biggie…”

“I owe you, Carter.”

It was Nick’s turn to return the mischievous smile. He lifted his index finger towards Brian. “I’ll make sure you pay me back, El-li-ott…” he spoke in his ET voice.

Instead of shaking his head and rolling his eyes as he would normally do, Brian lifted his own hand up and motioned to his forehead with his finger. “I’ll… be… right… here…” He imitated his own version of ET’s voice.

Surprised that the CIA agent was actually going along with his joke, Nick grinned and motioned towards the door once again. “Glad to have you back, Littrell.”


  
FANthrax: Part 10 by Himitsu Takana
“Thanks for all your help. We couldn’t have done this without you,” Red said the next day, as she and Nick were preparing to leave. She smiled, shaking Julilly’s hand.

“I was glad to help. Hopefully we won’t have to meet like this again.” Julilly nodded. “But if we do, I don’t know anyone else I’d rather work with.”

Red chuckled. “I feel the same.”

Julilly looked over at Nick, giving him a small smile. “It’s been fun, Nick.”

Nick stared at her for a minute before taking her hand and tugging gently. “Walk with me,” he said quietly.

Red rolled her eyes, turning and joining everyone else at the waiting van that would take them home.

“I’ve really enjoyed our time together,” Nick said, smiling.

“Sure you have. You say that to all your women, Nick; I wouldn’t stop to think for a minute that you mean that.”

“But I do. You’re special, baby.”

“Oh yeah? How special?” Julilly questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Really special. You’re my Canadian woman…the one and only.”

Julilly groaned. “Oh lord.”

Nick winked. “You love it.”

Julilly said nothing, just smiled.

“So can I look you up the next time I come to Canada, maybe go to a hockey game? You do like hockey, right?”

Julilly gave him a look of exasperation. “I’m Canadian; of course I like hockey.”

“Then it’s a date.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Carter. I don’t date co-workers,” Julilly sighed.

“But we’re not co-workers. We worked on a special assignment, and now we’re just two adults going to a hockey game… and maybe a nightcap after.” He grinned.

Julilly chuckled. “I should’ve known. I’ll think about it, okay? Hold your breath until I call.”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “I’ll have you know, I’m a licensed scuba diver; I can hold my breath longer than you’d imagine, sweets, and that‘s without the tank.”

Julilly stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and tugging him close to her, their lips only inches apart.

“Yeah? Prove it,” she murmured, before kissing him deeply.


  


“Ya know, I’m really gonna miss Canada,” Nick sighed, as he and Red made their way into HimTak’s headquarters.

Red had been unusually quiet on the trip back, casting him nasty glares every so often. “Really?” she dead-panned, walking through the door Nick held open for her.

“Absolutely! I mean, I feel like I’m part Canadian now. And the women – so welcoming…” He chuckled.

Red glared at him again, making her way through another door, making sure to shut it hard. Nick, who was off in his own world, didn’t notice and ran right into it with a muttered “Ow.”

Nick rubbed at his nose absently as they made their down the hall. It took a moment before Nick realized that everyone who passed him was staring at him and snickering, some just full-out laughing. He smiled uneasily the first couple of times, but as they got closer and closer to K’s office, he started growing more and more suspicious, the smile fading into a grimace. He kept asking people what was so funny, but no one could respond – they’d start laughing harder.

“This is quite a welcome for some agents who just saved the world from some deadly virus. They should be thanking us, not laughing at us.” Nick frowned.

“It’s not us they’re laughing at, moron; it’s you.” Red grinned.

Nick frowned deeper. She seemed to be enjoying this, and that was not cool.

“How do you know they’re not laughing at you? How do you know that they‘re…” Nick stopped suddenly.

Lancybassy was staring at him, really staring at him. Nick had grown used to the way Lancy was; he was used to him staring at him, but not like this. It was as if he were undressing him with his eyes. There was a longing, a… hunger in his eyes that Nick had never seen before. He turned quickly, checking to make sure his fly was zipped before turning back around.

Lancy was still staring.

What the hell? He continued to stare at him, his eyes never once leaving Nick as he and Red made their way into K’s office.

“What is that all about?” Nick said, looking at Red.

She shrugged, still grinning. “I have no idea; I’m as lost as you are. Well… maybe not that lost.”

“Shuddup!” Nick groaned.

“I dunno, you’ve always been the product of his fantasies… Maybe he’s just gotten really good at fantasizing about you.”

“That’s just sick, you know that? I haven‘t done anything different to feed his, uh… whatever.”

Red just smiled.

  


“In other news, the plague that had been sweeping through Canada, we’re told, was caused by a biochemical weapon dubbed “FANthrax,” which, although it shares some common characteristics with anthrax, is viral, not bacterial. We’re told that there has been a cure developed; it’s being applied across the country, and we’re assured that they’re shipping the antivirus around the world to prevent another epidemic.”

“Too bad that couldn’t have happened before I caught it.” Brian smirked as he watched the news from where he was lying on the couch.

They’d been back home at his country house in Virginia for about a week now. Ashavari had even come with him, taking her work with her so that she could help Brian as he slowly came back to health. He could hear her in his kitchen, preparing a batch of homemade chicken and dumplings, and he smiled. It was nice, being pampered. He, although better, was still weakened by the effects of FANthrax, and Red had warned him he’d need two weeks’ rest before even considering going back to work. And she’d told him that, to be perfectly honest, with the way the disease had attacked his body, three wouldn’t hurt either. Of course, his boss and Opal had gotten wind of that and were holding him to it. He sighed. He wasn’t fond of being stuck on bed rest; he’d always been an active guy, and being confined like this was going to drive him crazy soon enough.

He’d give them two weeks. Three wasn’t an option; he’d start acting like Nick if he was confined that long. At least he’d survived one already…

“… As for the creator of this monstrous disease, we’re told it was an anarchist acting alone. The Canadian Service Intelligence Agency denied repeated rumors about it coming from a terrorist organization. Sources report that the culprit is believed to have died, after his helicopter was shot down during a pursuit by both the Canadian and American Air Forces…”

“Good.”

“You know, it’s funny how HimTak has their fingers in every global problem, yet no one has any hint of their existence.”

Brian smiled as his girlfriend set the bowl of piping hot soup on the TV tray before him. The aroma tantalized his nose and reminded him of just how good it was to be on something other than an IV or soft foods again these past couple days. She sat beside him on the couch, her hand trailing along his face tenderly. Brian chuckled softly. “I know, but that’s how the UN wants it.”

“So working for the UN isn’t just a rumor spread to enforce authority.”

“Not the way Kev tells it, and he’s always been honest with me since I started liaising with HimTak. The UN figured they’d be nothing but a powerless figurehead without something to back it up. I’m sketchy on the details…” He smirked. “In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m not allowed to know what I do, but it led to HimTak being born, a police force to keep the world at peace, for the most part.”

Opal nodded, lifting a spoon and blowing on it gently before feeding him. “Makes sense.” She fed him some more contentedly. Brian had to admit, he could definitely get used to this sort of thing. Recovering from a deadly virus did have its benefits. He glanced up as she continued, “… I got a new assignment the other day…”

A brow rose as he swallowed the rest of the soup in his mouth. “When?”

“Just before I rushed up to Canada. It’s from the Feds.”

This time, he sat up with a start. As much as he loved serving his country, protecting it every way he could, as part of the Central Intelligence Agency, he wasn’t fond of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. In fact, ironically, it was, at times, similar to Nick’s frustration with the government. The FBI tended to mess with things Brian felt was a waste of time, seeing as the CIA had a branch to deal with the “unknown.” A branch he himself was part of, and the top ranking agent to boot. It seemed unnecessary, the FBI’s having its own branch, which, at times, interfered with his investigations. However, it was the CIA that occasionally involved itself with HimTak matters, while the FBI typically did not.

“Really? What do they want with you, Ash? I know they have their own cryptographers…”

Ashavari nodded, as her hand brushed against Brian’s sideburns. “You’re getting too scruffy,” she teased.

“Ash, come on, what’s the deal?”

“Remember your Playboy mission?”

“Alien central? Sure.”

“All the technology they took…”

Still can’t believe they were allowed to keep it all when my branch could have done more with it…”

“They want to see if I can’t crack the alien language. So they’re borrowing me, and my department approved it. It’s supposed to rank above all other assignments – and stay highly classified…”

Brian chuckled. “So I don’t count then. Nice.”

“You know you need to shave. You’re starting to look like the Wolfman.”

He howled playfully, and before the two could continue, Brian heard his phone ringing. However, the ringtone wasn’t the one he normally had. No, this one wasn’t it at all. Yet he knew it was coming from his phone beside the couch, sitting on the TV tray next to the soup that had almost been forgotten.

Brian had no idea how he’d done it, but he was definitely going to get Nick back for this.

You wanna know what you get
When you play a country song backwards
You get your house back
You get your dog back
You get your best friend Jack back
You get your truck back
You get your hair back


Finally, he grabbed for the phone, answering and trying not to laugh, despite himself. Before Canada, he would have been furious. Now, he found it hilarious, but damn if he was gonna let Nick know that immediately. Opal was covering her mouth, laughing, and Brian stuck his tongue out at her, causing her to giggle more.

“Carter.”

And what did Nick do? He decided instead of answering like a normal person, he’d try singing to Brian again to boot. “Oh itty bitty dinky one…come on and talk to me…Oh itty bitty dinky one, I’m down on my kneeeeeeeeeee….”

Finally, it was too much, and Brian just laughed. “How…?”

“Did I change your phone? I called down and asked Pearl to do it.”

Brian raised his eyebrows, stifling a chuckle. “… You actually went to the trouble of getting Pearl to hack my phone? You mean, you couldn’t just have changed it while I was, oh… I dunno… comatose??”

There was a pause. Then Nick’s sheepish voice replied, “Uh… yeah, well… shitballs. I didn’t think of it at the time!”

Brian snickered. “Fail.”

“Not for Pearl,” Nick insisted. “She got a kick out of it, too… once she was done yelling at me about the car. She wanted to kill me for that.”

“Have you seen K yet? I need to call my dear sweet cousin. I have such a story to tell him about that car of yours… oh, and that bumblebee, gas-guzzling Hummer…”

“It was ALL they had, I tell you!” Brian could hear him laughing, though, as well. “I kinda miss Canada… had to say goodbye to Julilly… damn, and she was fun, too.” Brian shook his head. “But how you feeling?”

“Better. They got me down on bed rest for two-and-a-half weeks.”

“Aight, then that’s when I’ll come up, and we can wrap up this file. I just, you know… had to call.”

Brian got the meaning. It was strange, that feeling of camaraderie that had popped up between them during this mission. Yet, there it was, undeniably. Nick had been there for him in ways Brian would never have expected, and he was actually a better agent than he’d ever thought. Strange. Just like everything else in Himitsu Takana.

“Thanks, Nick. Or should I say… 008?”

“You suck, Country Boy.”

“Bye.”

“Laters!”

Brian flipped the phone shut, and Opal kissed him gently on his cheek, giving him the smile he adored. “I told you he wasn’t the Anti-Christ.”

“Shush.”

“Just admit I was right, Bri…” she sing-songed.

“Shush.”

“Make me.”

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her close against him, her lips only inches away from his own. “Oh, I will.”


  


Dr. Rough watched as the helicopter carrying the exasperating 00Carter and another female agent – there were too many to remember – neared his aerial escape. The female agent was better at flying the pursuing helicopter than he ever would want to have admitted. He needed to find a way to shake them.

He glanced below and noticed he was flying over what he believed to be Lake Erie. Staring ahead, he knew he was flying right into US Airspace, but it was a risk he was willing to take to shake his tail.

Sweat on his palms caused his hand to slip from the collective and down onto a panel of buttons he had not noticed originally. Quickly grabbing hold of the collective again, in order to keep control of his helicopter, he glanced down and grinned to himself. Now he knew exactly how he would get away from those meddlesome kids and make them believe he was no longer a threat.

Timing his turn, he veered back towards Lake Erie, the perfect place for this plan. In order for his plan to work, he needed to fly low.

“Drums!” he barked into his headset, as he held on to the controls, contorting himself to reach just what he needed from behind his seat. He could feel the helicopter dip sideways, tilting objects inside to the right; he hoped the agents were still far enough away that they did not catch that flying blunder.

“Yah, boss?” Drums spoke back.

Dr. Rough detailed his brilliant plan to his right-hand man and knew that his end would be held up. Now he just had to make sure his end worked as well as his mind had planned it out.

He tried desperately to pull his arms through the air tanks straps so that he would be prepared. Using only one hand, he thought he had control, despite his right arm not wanting to get through the strap.

“Gar!” he shouted, as he lost control of the helicopter, just as he heard gunfire coming from the pursuing chopper. He would have cursed his foolishness, but the sudden swerve of his own ‘copter saved him from being hit too soon by the agents.

Both hands now on the collective, Dr. Rough purposely swerved and sped along, finding a place of his choosing for his ultimate demise. It was not long until he found the spot and turned his copter so that his door was on the far side. Staring out the passenger window at the oncoming helicopter, he jimmied the steering to hold position and jammed his hand down on the self-destruct button.

He grinned as he saw them fire, as he hoped they would. He pulled the breathing apparatus around his face and clung tightly to the air tank. As the missile struck the flank of his helicopter, he lowered himself through the trapdoor in the floor and dropped, freefalling towards the water. He could feel the heat from the hit and then more heat from the self-destruct explosion that followed.

The water was cold as he sank beneath it and swam away from the explosion. He hoped that the extra fireworks would prevent the interfering agents from looking for him.



Dr. Rough still thought his escape from the HimTak agents was one of sheet brilliance, but now he was infuriated.

“How could this happen?!” he shouted to the four minions who had only recently been his favorites. Now they would be eel fodder, if he could just find an eel that would eat their flesh.

“THOSE BLASTED HIMTAK AGENS HAVE FOUND A CURE!” he screamed, picking up the first thing he could reach to throw. Looking at the object in his hand, he thought better of throwing a picture of his mother and picked up the a vase filled with flowers and hurled them across the room instead. “WHY DO WE HAVE VASES WITH FLOWERS, ANYWAY?!” he screamed in the general direction of everyone.

“They make the place cozy,” one of the identical ones – Dr. Rough could not remember which – answered.

They were shortly taken to the medical wing, as the picture of his mother did fly from his hands, hitting the minion in the nose.

“One… two… three… four… five…” Dr. Rough counted, in an attempt to calm himself down. He looked out at the crowd of minions gathered, awaiting the beginning of the meeting. Turning to business, he stepped up to his podium and began.

“As we are all aware by now, Operation FANthrax did not complete its objective.” He started up a slide show, where he showed a picture of a Moffatts concert, followed by images of hospitals full of the sick, then onto the images of those once ill recovering, including a picture of Agent Littrell.

“With the infection of Agent Littrell, we weakened their regime only slightly. That is why you have all been called here today. It is time to make headway on my newest scheme, Operation Let It Blow!” He cackled maniacally.

“Donnie, I will need you…” He looked around the room, searching for the pale, twitchy minion. “Donnie… Donnie…. DON-NIE!” Dr. Rough peeled from the conference room and bolted down the hall, looking for the insolent agent. As he stormed through the corridors, he thought of how he should punish him.


  


Donnie and his red-headed girlfriend stood next to each other, hand in hand, starting down at the counter in the bathroom. The three minutes they were forced to wait seemed like an eternity, as they stood waiting. Donnie continue to flip the instruction booklet over, trying to see if there was some step they missed, something they needed to do while they waited.

The woman let out a small gasp, as the results flashed across the screen.

Donnie looked down at the screen. “The most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on.”


  


Back at HimTak, Red and Nick were waiting in K’s office for him to debrief them after their mission. They both turned around when K entered the room, slamming the door shut angrily as he hastened to his desk and sat behind it, his expression a glower at Nick.

“I don’t think I need to remind you, 008-” K began.

“00Carter,” Nick corrected, nursing his arm after Red elbowed him to keep him from making matters worse: it was crystal clear that K was upset with Nick about something more important than whether he was to be called 008 or 00Carter.

K ignored the interruption and continued, “-that you have a license to kill, NOT to break traffic laws. We’re not paying these tickets off for you.”

“But K-“

“But NOTHING! You broke at least five traffic laws in two minutes! What were you thinking?” K asked, waving his hand at Nick as he opened his mouth to answer. “On second thought, I probably don’t even want to know.”

“You don’t. Really,” Red insisted.

“The point is, you caused a lot of damage, and could have made things worse, if-”

K was interrupted again. “-If I hadn’t known you were a total blonde and put in extra safety mechanisms,” Pearl finished. “Do you realize how long it’s going to take me to make all of those repairs?!”

Nick looked back at her as she appeared in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. Nick had a feeling that if looks could kill, he would have been dead the moment she walked into the room. Just as that thought crossed his mind, Diamond entered the room behind Pearl, and the tight red dress she was wearing made his heart race so fast that he thought he might have a heart attack and die anyway.

“Ladies, this meeting is supposed to be private.” K told them, then cleared his throat in an attempt to redirect Nick’s attention to the matter at hand.

“So’s this…” Pearl said, stifling a giggle as she pressed a button on the remote in her hands, causing a projector screen to come down behind K. She then pressed another button, and a picture appeared on the screen of Nick, in all his naked glory, standing in the hallway of the hotel, moments after his scuffle with Brian had caused his towel to fall down. Diamond wolf-whistled, while Pearl laughed hysterically, and Red tried to look as innocent as possible.

“WHAT THE–?! HOW DID–?! RED?!” Nick exclaimed, jumping up from his chair and spinning around to face Red Jewel.

Red tried not to laugh any harder than she already was, but the expression on Nick’s face, both in the picture and in person, was just too priceless.

“I couldn’t resist, Nick…” she answered, once she had contained her amusement, for the moment.

Nick looked at her, appalled, and took a few steps towards the door, before K’s voice stopped him again. “Not so fast, 008. We’re not done here,” K said.

“But K, haven’t I suffered enough?!” Nick motioned to the picture still displayed up on the projector.

K glanced back quickly and tried to cover up his laughing with a fake coughing fit. “No, you haven’t,” K stated flatly, motioning for Nick to sit back down, which he did, begrudgingly, slumping down in the chair and crossing his arms over his chest in a manner much like a young child throwing a tantrum. “I haven’t even gotten to how ridiculous that rental car was! You represent our organization when you go on missions, 008; you can’t do something as outrageous as renting a bumblebee yellow Hummer to drive around Canada.”

“But it was all they had!”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I swear, it was-”

“I don’t want to hear it! You’re paying for the car rental, too,” K said, as Nick scoffed in disbelief.

Before Nick could object, the door opened once again, and, this time, Emerald walked in.

“Oh jeez!” she exclaimed, immediately putting her right hand up to block her view of the picture. “I didn’t know you guys were watching Nick Jr. in here.”

“Don’t hate, Em,” Diamond said, as she checked her reflection in the mirrored screen on the front of her cell phone. “You know you wish Nick Jr. was just for you.”

“Not really,” Emerald replied, leaning against the wall near the doorway, not wanting to get any closer to the disturbing picture. “Though I wonder how anyone can find that thing without a microscope…”

This time, it was Nick who responded. “Just admit that you could never handle me, Avril.”

“You need a babysitter, not a girlfriend, Double-0-Streaker.”

“I knew we shoulda dropped you off at home while we were in Canada,” Nick grumbled.

“ENOUGH!” K shouted, stopping both agents from erupting into an argument that he was getting rather sick of hearing every damn time. “Emerald does have a point, Nick, your behavior on this mission was unacceptable. You’re a secret agent – that means your presence needs to stay a secret. Running naked through a hotel is not the proper way to stay incognito.”

“K, that was a total accident! I just got out of the shower, and-”

“I told you, I don’t want to hear it, 008!” K told him. “I expect those expenses to be paid on time, and you to remain fully clothed at all times during missions from now on, 008.”

“Even when I take a shower or something?” Nick asked.

“How about you try not leaving hotel rooms without your pants on, Nick?” Red suggested, giggling as Nick glared at her again.

“Gee, I wonder why I didn’t think of that,” Nick said sarcastically.

“Obviously, you didn’t.” K nodded behind him at the picture, now trying to control his laughter even more. He looked up at the doorway yet again, as he saw the knob turn, and Lancy walked in.

“Mr. K, you have a conference call on line – OH… MY… GO-” Lancy fainted before he finished his sentence, having finally taken in the entire picture practically staring him in the face. Diamond shrieked as she rushed over to help Red aid Lancy, and K and Pearl glared at Nick as he now tried to contain his laughter.

“Okay… now that was kinda funny.”


  
Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana


Loud screams resounded inside the Pacific Coliseum in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. The loudest of those screams, by far, came from one particularly enthusiastic blonde American, sitting front row center at the stadium, pink mittens clapping away while holding a large, glitter-covered sign bearing the names of the two skaters currently taking a bow after completing their performance.

“WOOOO!!! YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!” Mr. Lancybassy screamed as he stood beside Diamond Divine, who was definitely not as emphatic in her cheering as he was. As the couple on the ice waved at him, Lancy swooned for a moment, and Diamond fanned his face after he nearly fainted right on top of her. The room fell silent as their scores were about to be announced.

“Lancy, sweetie, are you okay?” Diamond asked urgently, as he was beginning to look pale. He had various skaters’ names painted all over his face in shades of blue and pink – depending on their gender, of course – and several heavily-decorated signs lay at his feet.

“They… they waved… at me… at ME!!” Lancy exclaimed, his arms waving madly as he pointed to himself.

“Yes, babe, they totally waved at you.” Diamond smiled. She had only ever seen Lancy this excited the last time they went on a shopping spree, when they found a Gucci store having a huge shoe sale. Until a few months ago, she would never have guessed that her best friend was such a fervent figure skating fan; although, come to think of it, she should have guessed when she saw some of the velvet, spandex, and polyester ensembles he had in his closet that were clearly not meant to be worn anywhere but on an ice rink. When Lancy had asked her to come with him to Vancouver to see the 2010 Olympic Games, she couldn’t wait to start shopping for cute winter boots and matching coats, especially when Lancy had told her how many fit, young, male athletes would be there.

“What?! That will put them in third place!” Lancy cried, as he looked up at their scores. “They totally deserved to be in first place after that routine.”

Diamond simply nodded in agreement, since she still didn’t quite understand everything there was to know about figure skating yet, despite Lancy teaching her about it all day, every day, since they’d gotten there. She was slowly starting to realize just how much figure skating meant to Lancy and how in love he was with the sport.

After the last pair had skated, as they announced the final rankings of the night for the ice dancers, Lancy pulled Diamond along as he pushed his way over to where he knew the skaters would be exiting the venue. They found their way up to the front of the crowd, and that was where Lancy truly let his excitement show. “OH MY GOD!!! TANITH! TANITH BELBIN!! I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER! HAVE YOU AND BEN BEEN READING MY BLOG?! I SENT YOU MY BLOG!! BENNNN!! BEN AGOSTO!! I WORSHIP YOU!!!”

Diamond watched as he jumped up and down, squealing and screaming like a teenage girl – it was honestly starting to worry her. He tried to jump over the barrier separating him from two of his idols, but Diamond pulled him back, and two security guards quickly came over to block his way anyhow. “Come on, hon, let’s go back to the hotel. I’ll buy you a venti mocha cappuccino on the way, and you can tell me more about the difference between ice dancing and pairs.”

“Oh my God, I totally forgot I had to finish telling you about that!” Lancy exclaimed, the posters he had toiled over for two weeks straight tucked safely under his arm, while they walked to their hotel, just outside of the Olympic pavilion. “The scoring and requirements are totally different, but, as I’m sure you noticed, the costumes are just as fabulous! The guys look H-O-T HOT, of course, but the ladies look way pretty, too! But just wait till the ladies singles; that’s the best! My favorite is – Oh, that’s her!” Lancy said, tugging on Diamond’s arm, moments after they walked into the lobby and saw a crowd of people watching a beautiful young figure skater on TV. He and Diamond walked over and stood quietly with the other people watching intently, as the female news anchor reported.

“We have just received word that Kim Yu-Na, Korean figure skating superstar and current frontrunner for the Olympic gold in Ladies Figure Skating, has gone missing.” The woman reported as footage from one of Kim’s last performances played on the screen.

“WHAT?! NOOOO!” Lancy exclaimed, jumping moments later as the crowd shushed him so they could hear the rest of the report. He waved them off as they all turned back to the screen, and Diamond rubbed Lancy’s back supportively.

“…Kim’s spokesperson and the spokesperson for the Olympics both declined to comment at this time, but there is already outrage in the international community over this mysterious and tragic incident. Korean government officials have expressed deep indignation over the disappearance of their star skater – an intensely beloved celebrity in her home country – and have also laid blame not only on host country Canada for its so-called ‘lack of scrutiny over details concerning the security of all of the athletes,’ but on Russia and several other rival countries that they believe could have been plotting to ruin South Korea’s chances of taking home the gold medal in figure skating,” the reporter continued, as footage of government officials making formal announcements at podiums was shown.

“Because of these claims, the Korean government insists that other organizations, such as the United Nations and specific countries’ governments, including the American CIA, should assist with the investigation, while other countries believe that only Canada and South Korea’s resources should be used in the search. The debate continues as we speak, and the Canadian government has indeed begun searching the Vancouver area for any sign of the missing athlete, as time is certainly of the essence.” The screen then went back to showing the reporter sitting at her desk. “We will continue to keep you updated as the story progresses. In case you’re just joining us, we recently received word that…”

“Th-that’s it? That’s all they can say?!” Lancy shouted, as the crowd dispersed,

“Kim Yu-Na, THE Queen Yu-Na, is MISSING, and all they can say is ‘They’re looking for her, and we’ll keep you posted’?! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!”

“Lancy, calm down, hon!” Diamond urged, as people began to stare at Lancy’s hysterics.

“I can’t calm down, Di! My shining star, my inspiration, the very woman who motivated me to come here to see this wonderful sport in its very competitional best, has DISAPPEARED!!” Lancy dropped to his knees and abruptly ripped – or rather, unzipped – off his bright pink, heavy winter jacket as he shouted,

“KIMMYYYYYYY!!!!! WHY KIMMYYYYYY!?!?!”

Diamond knelt down to console her distraught friend, as she looked up at the screen, where the news anchors were still discussing the missing figure skater Lancy so greatly adored.


  


“Peaaaaaaarl.”

“Niiiiiiiiiick.”

“Whatcha dooooooing?”

“Working… you know, that thing K keeps trying to make you do,” the blonde scientist teased with a smirk, as she messed with wires to what Nick thought might be an iPod Touch. He grinned at her.

“Hey, is that for me?”

“Actually, no, Mr. Ego. This is a gift for our honorary, country HimTak member. Last minute touch-up to it.”

“Is that going to still be able to play music once you’re done with it?”

Pearl shot him a look as he leaned on her work table. “Keep that up, and I’ll take all your toys away, including your latest one.” For Nick’s birthday only a couple weeks before, she’d gifted him with a Nintendo Wii game set that also could paralyze any intruders with the right button combination, in case of a breach. Also, it connected to the camera feeds, rather than the internet, something she hadn’t mentioned to K, but that Nick found humorous and handy for pranks. There was always an advantage having a technological genius as your friend.

He raised a brow as he found what looked like a cigarette lying upon the table. “Okay, you and I both know you hate smokes.”

“That’s Jay’s birthday gift… or, well, was. There’s a glitch I need to fix on it before giving it back to him.”

“What’s it do?”

“I’d tell you…” She beamed. “… but then I’d have to kill you.” She fit the back panel back onto the iPod Touch and set it down with an air of triumph. “Finished.”

“Aww, come on. I have to admit, a cigarette device looks cool.”

“Knowing you, you’d smoke it – or try to. Even though you don’t even smoke anymore.”

“No faith.”

“After what you did to your car?”

Nick looked sheepish as he shot her a grin. “Right.”

Footsteps could be heard echoing nearby, as two more entered the room. They belonged to familiar faces, one a young woman with raven-colored locks and startling green eyes, the other a short, lithe man with golden hair, dimples, and a friendly smile: Opal Odyssey and Agent Littrell. Nick’s grin grew the moment he spotted the two. He hadn’t seen Brian since their escapades in Canada, which had almost resulted in The Rok’s demise from a super virus created by the now deceased Dr. Rough. The two men approached each other and, after an awkward moment, quickly embraced. Then Nick took Opal’s hand, placing it to his lips for only a second, before giving her the charming smile for which he was known.

“Opal, always a pleasure.”

“Turn off the charm, Nick.”

“Opal, you wound me. So, what are you doing in my neck of the woods, Country Boy?”

Brian jerked his head towards Opal, as she formerly introduced herself to the young, blonde scientist. “She needs help with a technical project. I told her Pearl’s one of the best.”

“The best, CIA!” Pearl called out jokingly, before turning back to Opal, as the boys tuned back into their conversation. “So, what’s the deal?”

“The FBI has me on a side project.”

“Hmm, government work? Technically not my jurisdiction…”

“I know, but it all goes back to that Playboy mission, with the aliens? Brian told me how Nick was saying you were reverse-engineering two of the devices you stole from that mission.”

Pearl’s cheeks tinged red at the mention, seeing as all the alien technology was supposed to have become the property of the FBI. K had known what she’d done; however, she knew she’d broken several HimTak codes, not to mention United States laws. Nick smirked the moment he noticed the reaction, and Pearl made sure to shoot him a dirty look before answering Opal. “Yeah, I kinda did. I was able to crack the Cone of Silence…”

“Cone of what?” interrupted Brian, looking interested now.

“Long explanation. Anyway, it’s the other device I’m having trouble with, deciphering the language, which, for this one, is more necessary than it was for the Cone of Silence. I’m an engineering girl; I’ve never been the best at code-breaking, compared to, you know, a cryptographer.”

“Between you being able to reverse engineer and my skills, I was wondering if you’d be willing to partner up with me. This is my sole project at the moment; apparently, the FBI doesn’t have anyone talented enough to crack it.”

“Sure, we can work out a time to meet up… or something. Oh!” Pearl smiled, reaching back for the iPod Touch and handing it to Brian. “Happy Birthday, by the way. I specialized this for you.”

Nick looked at Brian as he ran his hand along the device. Pearl handed him a small booklet. “She makes a specialty weapon for all top agents. Feel honored, man; you’re the first non-HimTak agent she’s done it for.”

“Eh, we all kinda consider you honorary.”

“Thanks, and unlike Nick, I’ll make sure to read the manual. That way I don’t destroy it like how Nick did his car,” he teased, causing everyone to laugh.

“Hey! I read some of it!” His watch vibrated, and he sighed, pushing the button and making the small screen rise from the watch to reveal his superior’s face. “Yes, K?”

“I’ve been calling your phone. Why have you been ignoring me?”

“Shit, I left it in my dorm.”

“My office, now. I have an assignment for you.”

“Sweet!”

“Try not to dawdle, 008.” The screen went black and folded neatly back into the watch.

“00Carter…”

He waved back at Brian and Opal before heading out of the lab. He’d definitely have to call Brian later and find out just what that new toy did. That way, he could ask Pearl for a better one, of course.

Nick hummed as he walked along the halls, content with himself. It seemed things were getting better. FANS would soon be done for, now that Dr. Rough was out of the picture. That meant he could soon settle up with Drums and move past that stage of his life. The thought made him rub his arm idly, thinking of the scars hidden by the mural tattoo that now resided there and the mission that had caused them, along with Drum’s spiral into destruction.

He heard something being muttered quietly down the hall. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was, and, to be completely honest, it sounded like total gibberish to Nick. It was some sort of foreign language, of course, possibly Far or Middle Eastern, if he had to take a guess. Although he was somewhat bilingual because of his job, languages as a whole tended to be beyond him, as he was no expert. Creeping along silently, he spied none other than Leo DiCaprio, sitting along the wall, whispering into a phone in hushed tones. While he didn’t understand a word of what Agent 009 was saying, the behavior spoke volumes to Nick.

“What are you doing, Di-Crapio?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Not your business, Carter.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Don’t you have some mission to wreck? I have my own business to handle.” The other blonde stood and walked off, shoving forcefully past Nick as he did.

Nick’s watch buzzed again, and he rolled his eyes rather than answering it. “K’s getting so pushy in his old age.”

This time, the watch screen opened on its own accord. K’s sharp green eyes flashed angrily. “I heard that, Carter.”

His new shadow, Styx, was already in the office when Nick stepped inside. As always when he was summoned, he felt like a kid in high school being sent to the principal’s office. K just somehow always had that effect on him, and he’d never been able to shake it. Styx grinned at him, and Nick raised a brow at K as he sat down before him.

“Okay, so what’s the deal?”

“Been watching the news, Nick? Or talking to Diamond?”

“Not yet…”

“Well, as you know, the Winter Olympics are currently going on in Vancouver, Canada…”

“You’re not telling me I gotta visit Avril’s homeland again?” A stern look silenced Nick immediately.

Styx sniggered. “Blame Canada…”

“As I was saying, Korean figure skater Kim Yu-Na has gone missing. She was the odds on for gold, and South Korea is furious about her disappearance. Every country is blaming everyone else. It’s worse than Jerry Springer, only worldwide. They requested HimTak’s assistance in the matter. I need you to go to Vancouver; find Kim Yu-Na and the person behind her disappearance. Evidence is leading to the idea that this could be an act to instigate problems between the global leaders, and Korea’s high-strung as it is.”

“Alright, so who are we going with?”

“I think you can handle this. It’s been some time since you’ve had a mission solo. Since your hiatus, actually. I think it’d be a good mission for you to help Styx get some good field action. Diamond does happen to be there on vacation with Mr. Lancybassy, however, should the situation spiral and you find yourself in need of backup.”

“I can handle it, K.”

“The helicopter leaves in an hour.”

The two stood, and Nick motioned for Styx as the two headed out. Nick was almost ready to skip. Finally, a solo mission!


  


“Niiiiick!” With a dazzling smile, the blonde practically skipped towards him, blue eyes alight, rosy cheeks aglow, and enveloped him in a fierce embrace. Their bodies slid against one another, as Nick’s winter coat met with slippery, pink fabric.

Nick patted the back of the shiny, pink parka awkwardly and pulled himself loose from the grip of the pink, angora mittens. Clearing his throat, he replied, “Nice to see you too, Lancybassy.”

“Oh, we’re so glad you’re here!” gushed Lancy, flapping his fuzzy mittens. “I’m all of a dither over Kimmy’s disappearance! I told Di here, if anyone can help us get to the bottom of it, 00Carter can.” Leaning into Diamond’s ear, he added under his breath, “Wouldn’t mind him getting to the bottom of me, either, if you know what I mean…” The secretary waggled his eyebrows suggestively, while Diamond tittered into her gloved hand.

Nick cleared his throat again, pretending not to hear. “Enjoying yourself, Miss Divine?” he asked, his eyes traveling the length of Diamond’s body. He wasn’t used to seeing her in so much clothing, but she even managed to look sexy in the sleek, silver jacket and tight jeans she wore tucked into fur-lined, high-heeled, white boots.

Diamond offered a flirtatious smirk and tossed her cascade of silken, blonde hair, half hidden beneath a loose-knit, white beret, over her shoulder. “Maybe not as much as I will now that you’re here, 00Carter,” she replied with a wink.

“Ditto!” sang Lancy.

“So, uh… can we get to the case?” They’d almost forgotten about Styx, who was standing at Nick’s side, looking uncomfortable. “You two know anything more than what Jay told us about this missing skater chick?”

“We told Jay everything we know,” said Diamond, “which is not much – well, unless you want to know the order of jumps in her short and long programs over the last four seasons, or the content of her most recent tweets on Twitter. If so, Lancy’s your man.”

“The tweets may come in handy,” Nick remarked, while Styx cocked his head at Lancy.

“Except her last one was in October, after she won gold at the Trophée Eric Bompard in Paris,” sighed Lancy miserably. He pulled out his pink Palm Pixi and waved it about. “Trust me, I’ve been checking.”

“Hm. Well, if there’s no word from Yu-Na herself, we’ll just have to talk to anyone who might have seen her before her disappearance.”

“Exactly why I suggested meeting us here,” said Lancy, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet as he gave a sweeping gaze, spreading his arms wide. “Olympic Village!”

Nick looked around, too. They were standing on a sidewalk outside a typical, mid-rise apartment building on the waterfront of False Creek, a small inlet in the heart of Vancouver.

“This is where all the athletes are staying,” Lancy elaborated. “I’ve already figured out the room numbers for all my favorite skaters. The Queen was in this building.”

“The Queen?”

“Queen Yu-Na! That’s the nickname fans gave her… though I’m partial to Kimmy,” shrugged Lancy. “Oh, I pray she’s found alive and well before the short program on Tuesday! She’s a shoe-in for the gold! She has to be there; she has to win!”

“Apparently someone disagrees,” said Nick. “I think we should start by interrogating other skaters – especially her closest competitors.”

Diamond nodded. “Everyone is thinking this is just another Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan plot, taken to the extreme. The police have already been questioning other skaters and their teams, but you’re right – that’s the logical place for us to start, too.”

“Well, sounds like you know who to talk to and where to find them, Lancy, so… lead the way!”

“Me, lead the mission?” Lancy flapped his hands in excitement. “Ooh, where to start, who to talk to first?! In a situation like this, there’s only one question to ask…”

Nick, Diamond, and Styx all raised their eyebrows, leaning closer in anticipation.

“…What would Brian Boitano do?”

Styx blinked. “…Brian Boitano?”

“Yes, Brian Boitano, 1988 Olympic champion!” Lancy paused just long enough to draw breath and then began to sing, “What would Brian Boitano do, if he were here right now? He’d make a plan, and he’d follow through… That’s what Brian Boitano’d do!”

Arms stretched towards the sky, Lancy did a little twirl, lost in song. “When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics, skating for the gold, he did two salchows and a triple lutz, while wearing a blindfold…”

“When Brian Boitano was in the Alps, fighting grizzly bears,” chimed in Nick, “he used his magical fire breath and saved the maidens fair…”

In unison, they sang, “So what would Brian Boitano do, if he were here today? I’m sure he’d kick an ass or two… That’s what Brian Boitano’d do!”

Styx looked at Diamond. “They always like this?”

“Lancy prancing around in pink, and Nick singing his way through a mission?” Diamond paused, pretending to consider this. “Yeah, pretty much.”


  
Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
A brief tour of the apartment where Yu-Na had stayed revealed nothing substantial. There was crime scene tape across her door, and a flash of his credentials allowed Nick to compare notes with the police detectives who were there investigating. So far, no evidence had been found.

“I don’t think we’re gonna find nothin’ here,” Styx spoke up dismissively. “Y’all are right – we oughta start with the competition, anyone who would benefit from takin’ her outta commission.”

Nick arched an eyebrow, taken aback by the rookie’s sudden assertiveness. “Sounds good…” he said slowly. “You heard the man, Lancy. Who should we talk to, and where would we find them?”

Lancy beamed. “The ladies short program is in two days. Any girl within medal contention will be at the Coliseum, practicing.”

“Then back to the Coliseum we go!” announced Diamond, hooking her arm through Lancy’s elbow, as they led the way back out into the cold Canadian air.

It was a short, four-mile ride to the Pacific Coliseum, where Lancy said all of the figure skating events were hosted. “We were just here Friday night for the ice dancing compulsory dance – and we have tickets tonight for the original dance!” Lancy gibbered excitedly as they entered the building. “The free dance is tomorrow night – oh, I hope Tanith and Ben pull through! They got the silver in Torino, you know, but they’re really deserving of gold…”

“Lancy’s favorite ice dancing pair,” inserted Diamond, as Nick and Styx exchanged bewildered looks. “And in pairs, it’s Caydee Denney and Jeremy Barrett, and in men’s singles, he lusts after Evan Lysacek.”

“Tall, dark, and handsome… the Greek God of the ice,” sighed Lancy.

“Yeah, Lancy practically creamed himself when he won the gold the other night,” added Diamond.

Styx gave them both a revolted look.

“And for the ladies…” continued Diamond.

Lancy whispered just one word: “Kimmy.” He bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, sniffling back tears. “My exotic ice queen. She’s… so lovely. So much talent and grace…”

“So much to be jealous of. Ain’t that right?” put in Styx. “Who’d be at the top of the jealousy list?”

Lancy shook his head, regretfully. “Well… of course, there’s Mao Asada, of Japan. She’s the only one Yu-Na’s lost to in the last two seasons, at the 2008 Worlds and Grand Prix finals. Not to mention, they’re the same age – nineteen – and from neighboring countries. They’re natural rivals.”

“Then we should start with her. Who else?”

“There’s also Miki Ando, Mao’s teammate. She was the 2007 World Champion and came in second at this year’s Grand Prix – behind Yu-Na, of course.”

“So if Yu-Na hadn’t competed, she would have won,” supplied Styx. “There’s a motive.”

“But South Korea’s not just pointing fingers at Japan,” Nick mentioned. “Who are the top skaters from other countries?”

“Joannie Rochette is the home favorite,” Lancy replied at once. “She’s been the Canadian champ six years running.”

“What about us?”

“It’s a toss-up between Rachael Flatt and Mirai Nagasu. They’re both a long shot for the gold, but Rachael is consistent – she’s medaled at Nationals the last three years, winning gold this year – and Mirai has the same ‘it’ factor her idol Michelle Kwan had.”

“Kwan never won an Olympic gold, did she?” asked Styx. Nick raised his eyebrows in surprise.

Lancy sighed and shook his head. “Alas, no. She took silver in Nagano, bronze in Salt Lake City, and had to drop out due to an injury before the Torino games.”

“So this new girl… what was her name?”

“Mirai Nagasu?”

“Yeah… Nagasu – she Asian, right?”

“Japanese-American, yeah!”

“So maybe she wants to win for all the Asian-American skaters; maybe she wants to avenge Michelle Kwan’s defeats,” Styx theorized wildly.

“You think??” Lancy’s eyes were like saucers; he was clearly enjoying the drama of all the speculation.

Nick eyed his protégé again; Styx was really considering all the possible motives, unlikely as some of them were. He had assumed the newbie had been recruited for his brawn, more than his brains, but maybe that wasn’t the case.

“We gotta talk to them all,” Styx decided. “It could be any of ‘em. The Canadian has the home-field advantage; she could have gotten anyone to abduct Yu-Na. On the other hand, it easily could have been the Japanese or the Americans, maybe even trying to frame each other. I mean, no one’s forgotten Pearl Harbor or Hiroshima, have they?”

Now everyone was looking at Styx. “Those are all possibilities,” said Diamond. “That is, if another skater was involved. But who knows, maybe it was someone else. Or maybe it was just random.”

“A top skater disappears four days before the start of her event? That ain’t no coincidence,” Styx replied dismissively, shaking his head. “It’s gotta be someone involved in the Games. Now we just gotta figure out who.”

They had come full circle. Now they made a circle around the arena, looking for any of the aforementioned skaters or members of their respective teams. They counted on Lancy to recognize these potential suspects, as none of the others followed figure skating in the slightest.

What they had not counted on – except for Diamond, who had already witnessed it – was Lancy’s reaction when he spotted one of them. “OHMYGOD! JOANNIE! JOANNIE ROCHETTE!!!”

A young woman with a blonde ponytail, approaching them in a red-and-white warm-up suit, offered a smile. “Hello,” she said, and Nick could pick out the French accent in her voice.

“James Lancybassy,” said Lancy, thrusting his hand out to take hers. “I’ve been following you since Torino. Congratulations on your sixth Canadian championship! You must be so excited to be going for gold in your home country, right?!”

“It’s very exciting, yes,” smiled Joannie.

“What about Francois-Louis? He must be so excited for you too, right?! Are you guys just super-psyched to be competing together in another Olympics?!” Before the skater could answer, Lancy turned to the others and added, “Her boyfriend – he’s a Canadian speed-skater, and they met at the 2006 Olympics in Torino! Isn’t that just too precious?!”

Joannie looked quite taken aback, but she offered another polite smile and replied, “Yes, yes, Francois’s very supportive. We support each other.”

“Is he nervous about the 5000 meter relay finals? OHMYGOD!” Lancy suddenly gasped. Nick, who had been marveling over Lancy’s sudden interest in sports, raised his eyebrows. “His relay team took the silver in Torino, didn’t they?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“They lost to… the SOUTH KOREANS!!!” Lancy’s eyes were like saucers, bugging out of their sockets. He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, flapping his hands, too discombobulated to speak.

Nick understood. There was motive. Not only was Joannie the underdog to the missing South Korean skating phenom, but her boyfriend had lost to the South Korean team four years ago. Perhaps they both held a grudge. Perhaps they’d teamed up to make sure they weren’t thwarted by a South Korean athlete again.

He stepped forward, whipping out his badge. “The name’s Carter. Nick Carter. I’d like to ask you a few questions, Miss Rochette…”


  


“Nothing,” grumbled Nick, after a full day at the skating rink, during which Lancy had tracked down and interviewed every skater he’d mentioned, as well as their coaches and Joannie Rochette’s boyfriend, the speed-skater. While Lancy had acted more like an overexcited E! red carpet host than an interrogator, Nick, Diamond, and Styx had managed to get the important questions in.

They still had alibis to confirm, but none of their suspects had risen a red flag. There was no evidence to prove that the rival skaters had anything to do with Kim Yu-Na’s disappearance. They seemed equally disturbed by her vanishing and concerned for her whereabouts, which left the HimTak agents with no real leads.

“But it’s got to be one of them!” Styx insisted, as they made their way back to the entrance of the arena. A line was already forming for the ice dancing event that would take place that evening. Lancy fished out his and Diamond’s tickets, eager to join the other spectators.

“But which one?” countered Nick. “We’ve got nothing to go off of, no leads in any direction, no… um, what the fuck is that?” He pointed, distracted by the sight of a large, black-and-white, costumed creature with an immense head, dancing around in front of a merchandise stand.



“Oh, that’s Miga!” Lancy exclaimed. “He’s one of the Olympic mascots!”

“What’s it supposed to be?” Nick asked, squinting. The costumed figure looked sort of like a skinny, anime-style panda.

“He’s a mythical sea bear, part orca and part Kermode bear.”

Nick nodded slowly. “Uh-huh…” He watched the mascot making jazz-hands with his puffy red mittens.

“The other mascot is Quatchi, a Sasquatch,” Lancy went on. “And then there’s Sumi, the Paralympics mascot. He’s part orca, part black bear, and part thunderbird.”



“What the fuck’s a thunderbird?”

“A supernatural bird of Native American legend,” Lancy answered promptly.

Nick gave him an odd look. “Since when did you turn into a walking encyclopedia, Lancybassy?”

Lancy smiled. “What do you think I do all day while you’re out saving the world, 00Carter? I surf Wikipedia! Well, someone has to make sure all of HimTak’s secrets stay off there!” he added defensively, when Nick smirked.

“Hey, I’m not sayin’ nothin’. K’s the one paying your salary.” Nick snickered.

“And thank goodness he does, or I wouldn’t have been able to afford these fabulous tickets!” gushed Lancy, waving them about. He presented Diamond hers with a flourish. “Excuse us, gentlemen, but we’d best be getting in line. Tanith and Ben await! Meet you back at the hotel?”

“Sure,” said Nick. “What’s your room number?”

“269.” With a sly smile, Lancy reached into his man-purse and withdrew a key card. Slipping it into Nick’s hand, he murmured, “Just let yourself in. I’ll be waiting…”

“Uh… ‘kay. See ya later.” Shooting Diamond a bewildered glance, Nick turned to Styx. “Dude… let’s go.”


  
Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
“What a line that was! Phew!” Lancy sighed, as he made his way through the crowd, eyeing the ticket he was holding. “There we are! Perfect seats, aren’t they?” he said to Diamond, who was following him closely.

Diamond threw herself into the seat next to Lancy with a soft puff. “And how much did you pay to get these seats, Lancy?” She looked around her. “Front row, middle, right behind the judges… must have cost you a fortune!”

“More than a Gucci suit, less than a Louis Vuitton luggage set.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully. “Worth every single penny, right?”

Diamond nodded absently, checking her surroundings once more. “It’s been two days, and we’ve interrogated every single skater, and still, there’s nothing. I’m starting to think this Kimmy girl is buried deep down in the snow up in the mountains.”

Lancy threw a hurtful look to Diamond. “Don’t say things like that!” he gasped. “That was just mean, Di.” Pouting, he eyed the cardboard signs he had prepared for his favorite single ladies ice skaters, before continuing bitterly, “Too bad she can’t be here tonight to perform. Leaving the stage to that filthy Mao Asada and all the other Asian hussies. They’ll never rival the Queen!”

Feeling quite bad for him, Diamond threw an arm around Lancy’s shoulders in an attempt of comfort, offering a tissue.

“Thank you.” Lancy took the tissue, sniffing. “But we’ll find her soon enough, and then she’ll be safe again and compete in the next Olympics, right?” His face lit up. “And when we save her, then she’ll know me and how I’m her biggest fan, and we’ll be best friends forever, and I’ll get free tickets to every competition of hers!” He clapped his pink mitten-covered hands joyfully. “Can’t wait to save her!”

Diamond gave him a supportive smile. “Much better attitude, Lancy. Of course we’ll save her. This whole thing has been too much on you, but keep up the faith. I’m sure Kimmy is still safe and sound somewhere around-”

Right at that moment, the whole arena went pitch black, causing the audience to moan and protest loudly.

“What’s going on?!” Lancy spoke fearfully. “Di?! Where are you?! You know I’m no big fan of darkness!”

“I’m right beside you, Lancy.” Diamond placed her hand on his knee, trying to soothe him. “I bet it’s just a technical difficulty. The lights will come back in a minute,” she assured him, trying to convince herself at the same time. It could very well be just a technical difficulty, as she’d said, but her agent instincts knew better than that. She smelled something fishy, but she couldn’t put a finger on what it could be.

Before she could go further with her instincts, the arena lightened, as an image appeared on the huge LED screens hanging above the skating rink. As the image got clearer, an olive-skinned forehead, belonging to a dark-haired man, and the exposed wooden rafters of a rustic ceiling appeared on the screen.

The man cleared his throat.

“Olympic spectators of the world-” He paused, as his forehead creased. “CLINT!”

The ponderous upper half of a Sumi mascot also appeared on the screen, looking towards the camera and startling the second it noticed that the position of the camera was aimed higher than anticipated.

“Sorry, boss,” came the muffled voice of the Sumi mascot, as it galumphed back towards the other end of the camera to adjust it.

“Why you are ruining my big appearance, I have no idea. Why I don’t kill you right away, is another question. Remind me later to do just that, will you?” the man spoke unmercifully.

“I recognize that voice…” Narrowing her eyes, Diamond watched the screen carefully, as the camera tossed and turned around and finally landed on a suitable position to reveal the identity of the voice. The face sharpened slowly into focus, revealing the dark, flashing eyes, the large teeth set between lips that were drawn back in a sinister smile…

“DR. ROUGH!” Diamond yelped, almost jumping out of her seat. “Lancy, tell me if it’s really Dr. Rough, or if that was one hell of a punch we drank right outside!!”

“OHMYGOD!” Lancy squealed in terror. “Wasn’t he dead?! Didn’t he blow up in pieces in that helicopter in Canada?!?”

“Fucking Return of the Living Dead revised, featuring Dr. Rough,” Diamond hissed through clenched teeth, as the first shock of seeing the evil man alive slowly wore off.

“Olympic spectators of the world!” Dr. Rough pronounced again. He spread his arms wide, jostling the ferret draped over his shoulder. “I’m sure you are wondering why the main event of ice skating competition has not yet commenced.” He paused for a moment, his left eye twitching slightly. “The Twenty-first Winter Olympic Games, held in this beautiful city of Canada-”

“Arrrggh!” Diamond growled, her eyes fixed on the screen, as Dr. Rough rambled about the history of Winter Olympics. “Why does this ugly, twitchy bastard have to be behind this?!” She looked at Lancy, who was too shocked to say anything besides repetitive “Ohmygods.”

“I wonder, why he does feel obligated to get his huge nose and twitchy eye into every popular cultural event?” Diamond continued, fuming. “Couldn’t he just take a vacation or something? Anything? Maybe, you know, DIE… for real?! Seriously, I’m getting so fed up with him!” She flipped her phone open and dialed Pearl’s number.

“I’m on it,” was Pearl’s reply into the phone.

“On what?”

“On Dr. Rough’s whereabouts,” Pearl replied. “He’s seriously worse than a cat, man. At least they have only nine lives, and you know when it’ll end. Not like this prick. I’ve already been tracking down the Coliseum’s broadcast, the phone lines, the internet, the JumboTron feed and whatnot, pretty much all of their system, really, just to make sure we weren’t missing anything. So it was our dear old friend Dr. Rough behind the kidnapping – what a surprise.” She scoffed. “I’m seriously sick of him.”

“I officially love you, Pearl!” Diamond let out a sigh. “Just try to find a clue as to where he could be as soon as possible, will ya?” She hung up and turned her attention back to the screen, just in time to catch the rest of Dr. Rough’s speech.

“As many of you must have heard already, the sweet South Korean darling, the beloved queen of figure skating, dearest Kim Yu-Na, has been missing for the past couple of days. Kidnapped days before her big break on the Winter Olympics. Isn’t that just heartbreaking?” He pouted, feigning sadness.

“He wouldn’t kill her, would he?” Lancy sobbed, as he asked in a whisper. Diamond squeezed his hand as a response.

Dr. Rough’s lips curved into a devilish smile. “But I have good news to share! Your beloved shining star, the queen of the ice, is among you right now! As a matter of fact, she’s about to make her grand entrance.” He clapped his hands joyfully. “Light, please!”

A blinding spotlight shone towards the side of the ice rink, revealing the petite South Korean standing there. Some of the screens changed from Dr. Rough to show a close-up of Kim Yu-Na. The audience let out a loud gasp as she set her right skate on the ice and stumbled, regaining her balance just enough to stay upright. It became visible to everyone in the Coliseum how hard she was trembling when she raised her shaky hands to her face to dry her tears.

“All hail the Queen!” Lancy gushed, folding his hands on his chest. “But why is she trembling so hard? And why is she crying-?”

The spotlight followed Kim Yu-Na, as she started skating slowly around the ice rink. There was something strapped around her willowy frame, making her appear bulkier than she was. As Diamond squinted, trying to tell what she was wearing, Dr. Rough’s face appeared on the LED screen once again, with the familiar twitching of his eye.

“As you can all see, she’s in a very well condition. No harm was done whatsoever. Yet…” He let out a loud, evil laugh and leaned in closer towards the camera. “You must be wondering what this all hassle was about, why THE GREAT DR. ROUGH kidnapped the dearest Queen Yu-Na in the first place, and why she’s now on the stage SKATING, with a BOMB strapped on her-”

In the blink of an eye, people got up from their seats hurriedly and rushed towards the exits with panic.

“A bomb?!” Lancy screamed, fanning his face with his hands. “A BOMB?! On Kimmy?! OHMYGOD, NOOO!”

“Just don’t faint, Lancy, please; I need you here!” Diamond knew what the bulk was now: a belt of dynamite, encircling the skater’s narrow torso.

Dr. Rough’s voice rose higher to stifle the deafening screams. “Please make way for the shining star, the queen of the ice, skating for one night, and one night only, to the lucky crowd of people at the Winter Olympics, 2010!” he continued ecstatically, as people’s screams grew louder. “Don’t forget, if she falls down, she’ll burst into millions of pieces! Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to have a part of her as a souvenir! What an honor!” He let out another sinister chuckle, as his eyes grew large with manic delight. “ENJOY THE SHOW, VANCOUVER! IT’S BEEN LOVELY TO SEE YOU ALL! DR. ROUGH’S BEEN IN THE HOUSE! GOODNIGHT! MUAHAHAHA!”

As the screens went black, and people piled in front of the exits, desperate to leave the arena before the bomb went off, the familiar theme of cinema’s most iconic secret agent began playing through the speakers.

“Is this a joke?” Diamond took out her phone to dial Pearl’s number again. “Like all of this wasn’t enough, did she really have to skate to THIS?” She shook her head and headed in the opposite direction of everyone else, as the phone kept ringing. She motioned Lancy to follow her.

“I got a lead!” Pearl answered the call. “Hang on, Nick is on the other line; I’m connecting him.”

“That fucking, twitchy prick!”

“Hi to you too, Nick,” Diamond replied, as she climbed down the stairs, Lancy following closely behind her.

“I’m gonna rip off that greasy-haired head of his and dribble it like a basketball!”

“Jeez, thank you for the visual, darling.”

“Why does he have to be behind everything? I mean, can’t he just take a break and leave the stage to other evil super villains? Just for a change?!”

Diamond came to a halt as she reached the side of the ice rink. “My point exactly.”

“Alright, you two, enough with the chitchat already! Somebody’s still trying to work here!” Pearl interrupted.

“Says the woman sitting on her butt, safe and sound in the AGENCY!” Diamond growled, suddenly exasperated. “Of course, you’re not the one who has to deal with a pack of explosives rigged to an ice skater and a hyperventilating Lancy on her tail! I still can’t decide which one is more life-threatening!”

“Yo Styx, wanna hear a catfight?”

“CARTER!” Pearl and Diamond hissed at the same time.

“At your service, ladies.”

“Ah, a perfect triple lutz, triple toe-loop combo!” Lancy piped up behind Diamond. “Impeccable form, even in a life and death situation! She’s a legend!”

Diamond turned her attention to the rink, watching a drained Kim Yu-Na still skating her routine. “Pearl, are you any closer to finding Dr. Rough’s location? We’re running out of time here- Oh MY GOD!” she squealed, when Yu-Na barely caught her balance after another triple jump.

“Ha!” Pearl’s voice was heard on the other line. “This fake doctor thinks he’s rough and tough, but he’s still a pathetic amateur, though I have to admit, he’s pretty good with technology..”

“Which means?” Nick asked impatiently.

“Which means, he was smart enough to make it impossible to track him down through the broadcast, but amateur enough to forget his coffee cup in the background,” Pearl continued. “Duh, like he can be THAT good.”

“Coffee cup?” Diamond questioned, still keeping an eye on Kim Yu-Na.

“I managed to get a screenshot of him while he was talking, just in case. I noticed a coffee cup with some kind of a logo on it in the background, managed to zoom and clarify the image, and, voila, a huge lead on where you can find him. Nick, I’m sending the picture to your phone, the logo of the lodge he’s possibly staying at.”

“Alright, hold on a second.” Nick paused for a moment. “Cypress Mountain?”

“Exactly. It’s in West Vancouver. I’m forwarding you a map of the building, as well as the shortest way to reach it before it’s too late. There’s no parking at the venue, so you’ll have to hike a ways. I’d opt for the woods, if I were you. Easier to stay out of sight – knowing Rough, he’ll have the area under surveillance.”

“Alright, we’re on our way,” Nick said swiftly. “Oh, and Pearl? You’re a genius.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Carter,” Pearl replied smugly.

Diamond rolled her eyes impatiently on the other line. “Well, no offence, Pearl, you know I heart you, sweetheart, but your brain isn’t worth a dime if we can’t stop this bomb before little Kimmy blows into bits. And, to be honest, I’m not in the mood for having human flesh anywhere around me.”

Pearl let out a chuckle before getting serious again. “Actually, Di, I don’t think I have good news for you. To say it the simplest, if Kim falls down, the bomb explodes. No brainer. You HAVE to make sure she doesn’t make any sudden moves or shake the bomb too hard-”

“Do you realize that we’re talking about a figure skater here?” Diamond raised her voice. “A figure skater who’s jumping up and down like a bunny half the time she’s on the ice!”

“Just make sure she doesn’t fall down, AT ALL COSTS.”

“Really bright, Pearl, thanks,” Diamond said sarcastically, before hanging up the phone furiously.

“Another salchow!” Lancy’s yelp distracted Diamond’s attention from watching Kim Yu-Na carefully. She had no idea what Lancy was talking about, but it wasn’t rocket science: if she lost her balance, even for a second, and fell down, they’d all explode into pieces. Simple as that.

“Lancy,” Diamond murmured, touching Lancy’s arm carefully and making sure he was listening her. When she made eye contact with him, she spoke slowly. “If Kimmy goes down, the bomb will explode. We have to get her off the rink before she even comes close to falling… Lancy?” Diamond shook Lancy’s arm harshly when she noticed his attention drifting back to Kim Yu-Na.

“She won’t be able to make the next jump,” Lancy spoke almost in a whisper. Diamond followed his gaze to the skater, who was speeding up backwards. “She’ll try the triple axel! It’s the hardest jump!”

Before Diamond could open her mouth to protest, Lancy rescued his arm from her grip and threw himself onto the skating rink.

“Lancy!”

The next few seconds went in slow motion for Diamond: Kim Yu-Na, jumping up into the air… Lancy, sliding across the rink clumsily, trying to estimate the exact position in which to play himself to catch Yu-Na on time.

“Gotcha!” Lancy shrieked happily, as he caught Yu-Na by her waist in mid air.

“Thank… thank you!” a breathless Yu-Na replied, stuttering. “I wouldn’t have landed properly if you haven’t caught me…”

“Oh doll, no worries,” Lancy replied sheepishly, as he lowered the petite skater gently to the ice to stand on her feet. “You’d have gotten top marks for that jump if you were competing, believe me.”

Kim Yu-Na blushed and smiled shyly. “You saved my life, sir. Thank you. “

“Shh, don’t even mention it. Let’s get you somewhere safe and warm, darling. You definitely deserve some hot cocoa. Did I tell you gold looks fabulous on you? Totally brings out your eyes,” Lancy blabbed, leading her toward the kiss and cry area at one side of the rink. “By the way, I’m Lancy, your biggest fan! Mind signing my t-shirt?”


  
Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
Some twenty miles away, Nick and Styx left their vehicle by the side of the road. They climbed over a snow bank and stepped carefully into the woods, shaking the loose, white powder from their boots. Even among the trees, the ground was covered with layers of thick, white snow. Nick could already feel the coldness seeping through his snowsuit and, shamefully, right through his long johns.

For a few minutes, they walked in silence, cutting through the trees. Then the forest thinned, and they emerged in a clearing that looked out on a valley. Nick gazed down, scanning the area. Several steep hills and mountains with turns and curves were laid out before them. He could also see the tracks already set for the bobsled and skiing portions of the tournament. Shelter was sparse, with nowhere to really hide if the wind picked up. What he wouldn’t give to be somewhere warm right now.

Sighing heavily, Nick turned a bit, looking further out across the expanse, trying to look deeper into the woods on the other side, which turned out to be impossible. If anyone were to get lost out there, they would be really hard to find, Nick realized. Even though there were patches of open spots, the woods were thick. If this went into the night, it’d be even harder to find Dr. Rough.

“Hey, hurry up, let’s keep going!” Styx called out, starting to increase his pace, as he ducked back into the trees, trudging uphill.

Nick hurried to catch up with him, when suddenly he saw something out the corner of his eye.

“Hey, did you see that?”

“See what?” Styx asked distractedly.

“That... something…”

Styx stopped and looked back at him. “Something, huh?”

Nick glared at him. “Never mind. Keep going.”

Styx stared at him a moment longer before starting to walk again.

As they walked, Nick looked around cautiously. No way some weird thing was gonna jump out and attack him. No animal cared if the Olympics were going on; international cooperation did not extend to wild animals.

Nick sighed heavily and was just starting to let his guard down, when he saw it again. He turned his head quickly and watched a blur of something huge and brown streak by.

“There it is! It’s Bigfoot! I just saw a fuckin’ Bigfoot man! Go tell someone!” Nick exclaimed.

Styx whirled around. “Nick, Bigfoot don’t exist; everybody knows that.”

“I know what I just saw, and that was a Bigfoot!”

Styx sighed heavily. “I’m not telling anyone anything because you didn’t see anything. Again, they don’t exist.”

“Yeah, that’s what they said about aliens and HimTak, and those are both real!”

Styx started to say something and then stopped. “I’ll tell someone later.”

Nick huffed and stomped after him, refusing to speak until they made it to the top of the peak, at which point he was so winded, he didn’t have the breath to, anyway. As they stepped into an expansive clearing, the Cypress Mountain lodge loomed ahead of them.

“Finally,” grumbled Styx. “Dang, I never expected I’d be hikin’ up a damn mountain for this job.”

“I hear ya,” Nick muttered in agreement, panting.

As they trudged up to the building, Nick noticed the first sign of life: a door opening at the far side of the building’s façade. His already fast-pumping heart began to race as he recognized the short figure that emerged. He pointed wildly, as Dr. Rough made his way out of the lodge.

“Look! It’s him! Hurry, move!” Nick yelled.

They started to run towards him, as, suddenly, out of the same door came what looked like a huge Sasquatch.

Nick came wheeling to a stop, sending a shower of snow flying up from the terrain. “Holy shit, Dr. Rough is in cahoots with Bigfoot! See, I told you they exist!”

“I don’t believe it… I just do not believe it,” Styx moaned. As Dr. Rough and his furry companion disappeared into the trees, he took off running again, and Nick followed.

The two gained ground, making their way closer to Dr. Rough, when, suddenly, Nick’s phone rang. Nick blindly reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and flipping it open without looking at the ID.

“Not now!”

“Aww, is dat any way to greet your old friend, Nick?” Drums chuckled.

“Drums, you bastard!”

“So quick wit da insults, and just when I gots a special gift for you and your friends, too.”

Nick blinked. “Gift?”

“Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a Zamboni. Once da Zamboni goes five miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If da Zamboni drops below five, it blows up. What do you do… What do you do?”

Nick stared ahead blankly for a moment, looking over at Styx, his eyes widening at the realization.

“You…”

“Ah-ah-ah! Careful wit da insults, Carter; I may start to take offense. If I were you, I’d be worried about dat bomb going off. Dat little skater’s gotta be done right about now – done or blown up, I should say – and da ice gonna need cleanin’, eitha way. Tell dat wildcat behind the wheel not to slow down, though, or there won’t be an ice rink left to resurface! And Nick… don’t slip.”

The line went dead.

Nick flipped the phone closed. “Shitballs!”

“What? What is it?” Styx asked anxiously.

“A bomb. There’s a fuckin’ bomb on the Zamboni back at the Coliseum. It’s gonna explode if it goes below five miles an hour!”

“Shit!”

Nick flipped the phone back open, pressing a couple of buttons.

“Nick?” Diamond sounded breathless. “She did it, Nick; it’s okay! She did her routine, and we got her off the ice safely. We’re-”

“Diamond – Di, listen,” Nick said sharply, stopping her in mid-sentence.

“What’s…?”

“A bomb – there’s a bomb on the Zamboni.”

“What?! But… the Zamboni just drove onto the ice!”

“Shit. You have to tell the driver: Five. Stay above five miles per hour, or it’ll explode.”

“Fuck!”

“Be careful, Di,” Nick stated.

“No kidding.” Diamond cursed and quickly hung up.

Nick shoved the phone back into his pocket as he wound through the trees after Styx. They burst into another clearing just in time to see Dr. Rough on a bobsled, taking off down the snow-covered hill. Behind him sat…

Nick squinted, his eyes widening when he realized what he was looking at wasn’t really Bigfoot, but Drums – Drums, in a Sasquatch costume, the head gone now. It was one of the Olympic mascot suits, he realized – Quatchi, the Sasquatch one Lancy had mentioned the other day. Nick frowned in disgust. He couldn’t believe he’d mistaken that thing for the real Bigfoot; it was too cutesy. Sure, it was brown and all, but that was where the similarities ended. No Bigfoot would be caught dead in blue earmuffs, and that smile – Bigfoot would’ve been insulted.

“Hurry up; we’ve got to catch them!” Nick yelled.

“But how? They’re on a damn bobsled,” Styx groaned.

Nick scanned the area, his gaze stopping on a lone bobsled. A grin spread over his lips.

“Looks like we have our own ride. C’mon!” Nick called, and they both headed over to the bobsled.

They pushed the sled a little ways before it picked up speed. Then they both clamored to get in, as it sped down the hill.


± ± ±


“Fuck!”

Lancy looked over at Diamond, alarmed. His heart was still pitter-pattering feverishly from the adrenaline rush Kim Yu-Na’s dynamite – yes, pun intended – performance had given him. He didn’t think he could take any more excitement, yet as she clutched her phone to her ear, Diamond looked positively aghast.

“No kidding,” she muttered and snapped her phone shut. “Fuck!” she hissed again.

“Darling, language! What now?”

She lowered her voice to a low murmur and said, very rapidly, “That was Nick. The Zamboni’s been rigged with a bomb. If it drops below five, it’ll blow!”

“But… the Zamboni’s already on the ice!” cried Lancy, pointing. The ice resurfacer was currently rounding the far side of the rink.

“We’ve got to stop it – well, not stop it, but – you know – disarm it!”

“Well, here it comes…” Lancy watched the Zamboni crawling along the opposite wall, gaining speed as it navigated the long stretch of ice.

Diamond took a deep breath. “I’m on it.”

Lancy stared, startled, as she suddenly hurtled over the wall of the rink and took off running across the ice. “Ohh girrrl, you should’ve worn flats!” he gasped, cringing as he watched her high-heeled boots slipping and sliding beneath her. He clamped his hands over his face, peeking out through his fingers as he waited for the inevitable wipeout.

He heard the crowd gasp along with him as, sure enough, Diamond’s right food skidded out from under her. She twisted on her left heel with so much force, it, too, slid off the ice, and for a moment, Diamond was spinning in midair. “Oh no!” whimpered Lancy, clawing at his face, but to his astonishment, she managed to land on her right foot, her left leg flying out behind her.

“Wow,” came Yu-Na’s voice from behind him. “That was perfect double axel!”

“I know, right?!” squealed Lancy, clapping his hands to his mouth in shock. “I never knew she had it in her!” Suddenly, he had an idea. “Give me your skates!”

Yu-Na’s porcelain face creased in confusion. “What? My…?”

“Your skates, yes!” Lancy hissed impatiently. “Give them to me!”

“O-okay…” Yu-Na bent over to unlace her right skate. Lancy sank down and grabbed her left foot, jerking it onto his knee while he tugged at the laces.

A minute later, he was flying across the ice himself, the skates swinging dangerously from his hands. “Diamond! Diiiii! Here! Take these!”

Diamond was still skidding across the ice, making little ground as she struggled to catch up to the Zamboni. At the sound of Lancy’s shouts, she looked back over her shoulder – and lost her balance completely. This time, there was no catching herself, as her legs twisted around each other, and she fell hard on the ice.

“Ow!” she moaned, massaging her hip, as Lancy slid down beside her.

“Put these on!” he cried breathlessly, thrusting the skates toward her. Grunting in discomfort, Diamond wrenched the boots off her feet and replaced them with Yu-Na’s skates.

“What are these, kid sizes?” she protested, as she forced her heels down into the narrow skates. “Why do Asians have such damned dainty feet?!”

Lancy giggled. “You’re no Cinderella, sweetie,” he quipped, “but they’ll do. Hurry and lace them up; we’ve got a Zamboni to intercept!”

He helped Diamond tie the laces and then pulled her to her feet, sliding a little himself. “Much better,” said Diamond as she straightened up, sinking her blades into the ice. “Hold on to my hips.”

“Nicky’ll be jealous,” tittered Lancy, as he secured his hands around Diamond’s waist. She skated forwards, quickly picking up speed, and Lancy slid along behind her on the slick soles of his shiny, new Gucci shoes, holding on for dear life.

As the Zamboni made its turn, rounding the curved edge of the rink, Diamond shot across the ice to meet it. “Stop!” she cried to the driver, slapping the side of the ice resurfacing machine. “Stop this Zamboni! Stop!”

“Get off the ice; you ain’t no figure skater,” scoffed the driver, speeding up.

“No!” shouted Diamond. Lancy took a faceful of ice shavings as she ground her skates into the ice in her haste to catch up to him. He clung to her waist, towed helplessly behind her as she skated after the Zamboni. Finally, she reached out and found a place to grab on to the back, and their two-link chain became three, as the Zamboni pulled them both. “Hey!” Diamond cried, as the driver looked back, scowling. “There’s a bomb on your Zamboni!”

“What?!” yelled the driver, over the roar of the Zamboni’s engine.

“There’s a BOMB on your ZamBONI!”

When the driver still shook his head, pointing to his ears, Diamond looked back at Lancy. “Grab my phone, will you, out of my back pocket? I want you to text on it, ‘Bomb on Zamboni.’ Text it! Text it! Text it!” she cried, as Lancy fumbled for her phone, his other arm tightening around her waist.

If only I were straight, he couldn’t help but think, as his hand groped her firm derriere. I’d enjoy this a whole lot more, and Nicky’d really be jealous!

He slid the phone out of her snug back pocket and started a new text message at once, his thumb moving furiously over the keypad. Diamond let go of the back of the Zamboni and skated furiously, whipping Lancy around the Zamboni and up alongside it. With Diamond skating parallel to the massive ice resurfacer, Lancy held Diamond’s phone out to the driver. He took it, squinting down at the text on the screen, and Lancy saw his eyes bug out of their sockets as he read the words. His foot came off the gas pedal, and Diamond shot past him as the Zamboni started to slow.

“No!” she screamed, whirling around, and Lancy nearly went flying, just barely managing to cling to her waist. “No, don’t slow down! Speed up!” she cried, starting to skate ahead of him again, motioning for him to follow. She slowed down to allow the Zamboni to catch up to her and Lancy and held up her hand, all five fingers extended. “Five!” she called to the driver. “Stay above five!”

This time, he understood. Nodding, he pushed down on the gas pedal. The Zamboni continued at its five-miles-per-hour crawl.

Diamond looked over her shoulder at Lancy. “I gotta get on that Zamboni…”

Lancy arched his perfectly-plucked brows. “You gotta get…? Yeah, yeah, you get on the Zamboni!”

Diamond glanced back at the Zamboni operator. “Drive straight!” To Lancy, she said, “Let go.”

“What?! Wait a minute… what are you-?”

“Let go!” She reached back, took hold of both Lancy’s hands, and pried them off her hips in one swift motion.

“Whoa! Whoooooa, shit!” screamed Lancy, as his feet slid wildly under him on the ice. He tried to watch as Diamond skated closer to the Zamboni. “Whoa, shit!” Diamond made a flying leap and landed half on the Zamboni, her legs dragging on the ice, but watching this had cost Lancy what little control he had left. “WHOOOA SHIIIIIT!” he cried, as he skidded head-on into the wall of the rink.

Diamond pulled herself up onto the Zamboni, perching next to the driver on top of the water tank. “Hi, I’m Desiree,” she smiled. “Don’t mind me; just keep driving and stay above five, whatever it takes.” With that, she whipped out her phone again and pushed a button. Almost instantly, she was connected with Pearl.

“Hi Pearly, it’s me again. Sorry about being short with your earlier. Listen, dunno if you’ve heard, but that flipping sociopath midget rigged a bomb to the Zamboni here at the figure skating arena. It’ll blow if it goes under five miles an hour. I managed to get on the Zamboni-”

“I know; I’m watching NBC.”

“-so I’m hoping you can help me diffuse it. Where do we start?”

“Check the speedometer,” Pearl said at once. “Has it been effed with or loosened? See any wires or anything?”

Diamond put her hand on the driver’s thigh, nudging it aside. “Watch out, big boy.” She ducked under his legs to look. “No, it’s clean.”

The driver glanced down. “Huh?”

“Alright, then it’s gonna be under the Zamboni. Probably was rigged to one of the axles,” Pearl said wisely.

Diamond clucked her tongue impatiently. “I can’t get under the Zamboni right now, Pearl; it’s kind of in motion!”

“Alright…” Pearl’s brilliant mind was clearly fast at work. “Then here’s what we’re gonna do… Where’s Lancybassy?”

Across the rink, Lancy pulled himself up painfully from the ice, rubbing his tender backside. “That’s gonna leave a mark,” he lamented pitifully. “My poor tush…”

“Lancy!”

He turned around; Diamond was on board the Zamboni and circling towards him. “What’s up, babe?” he shouted, as she grew near.

“I need you to find me a luge!”

“Find a what now?”

“A luge! You know, like, one of those sled things that go down a track? I need something low to the ground, almost flat – something that will sit right on the ice. Pretty please?” begged Diamond, batting her eyelashes.

“You know that face would work much better if I were straight,” huffed Lancy, half-limping, half-shuffling after the Zamboni to keep up with her. “But I can never say no to you, darling. I’ll see what I can find, but you’re sooo gonna pay my chiropractor bills for this.”

“Eh, make K cover it – workman’s comp and all. I’ll do better – a day at the spa, just you and me!” trilled Diamond, as Lancy hobbled and skidded off the ice, still massaging his tailbone.

“It’s a date!” Lancy called over his shoulder, as he stepped gingerly out of the rink.

In the kiss and cry area, he looked around and suddenly realized the bench he’d left Yu-Na sitting on was empty. “Ohmygod, Kimmy?” he gasped, fearing the worst. “Oh pretty please, not again… Kimmy?! KIMMY?! NOOOOO!!!” He let out an agonizing howl, dropping to his knees once more. “How could I let her out of my sight?! He’s taken her again! Come back, Kimmy, come back!!!”

His eyes flitted frantically in every direction, until suddenly, he spotted movement in the tunnel at the end of the rink, where the resurfacing machines came on and off the ice. This was not another Zamboni, though; it was a mere shadow, disappearing into the hidden depths of the tunnel.

“KIMMY! Don’t worry, Kimmy, I’ll save you!” cried Lancy, and he took off at a trot, his hands flapping fretfully. Around the perimeter of the rink, he pranced, and into the tunnel. He could hear footsteps pounding against the concrete ahead of him, and he tried to pick up his pace, wishing he hadn’t eaten the soft pretzel and snow cone that were now sloshing around in his stomach. “Ugh! This is my cardio for the day!” he complained to himself, feeling the perspiration clogging his pores.

As he rounded a curve, he caught sight of the shadow turning the corner up ahead. “FREEZE!” he ejaculated in the toughest badass voice he could muster, plucking the pink silk carnation from his jacket. It looked like any other boutonniere, but it was a trick flower, a secret weapon modified by Pearl. One squeeze in just the right place, and it squirted a scalding faceful of pepper spray. He held it out in front of him as he crept closer to the blind corner.

“Pop quiz, assface,” Lancy lisped saucily. “You’ve got a flower full of mace aimed at your head. What do you do? What do you do?” He stepped around the corner, flower first. In the eerie, fluorescent lighting of the otherwise dark service corridor, he saw only a large-headed silhouette at first. “Turn around!” he demanded. “TURN AROUND!”

The shadowy figure turned slowly… and as Lancy’s eyes adjusted to the light that fell upon it, his jaw dropped open.


± ± ±
Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
As Diamond circled the ice rink atop the five mile-an-hour Zamboni, Nick and Styx rocketed down the mountain at top speed, in pursuit of Dr. Rough and Drums.

The snow was moving by so quickly, it was taking all of Nick’s concentration to avoid slamming the sled into a snow bank, as he struggled to learn the pulley controls of the bobsled. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse in front of him, a blur of movement. He was sure it was Dr. Rough.

“Lower!” Nick shouted, as best he could, back to Styx. He knew that, in order to move faster, they needed to become more aerodynamic. He crouched low, but not too low – he needed to see where he was going, in order to avoid the fast approaching walls of snow and ice. “We need to get closer!” he shouted, as he let go of the pulley fast enough to grasp one of the two guns he had on himself. Before he could bring it within usable range, he dropped it into his lap, in order to grab the pulleys, so he could turn again.

“Yikes, it looks easier than this on TV!” Nick shouted, unsure if Styx could hear him.

“Not so bad!” Styx shouted into his ear.

That’s because you’re sitting behind me, Nick thought.

The sled carrying Dr. Rough and Drums in his Sasquatch suit came closer. “Ha!” Nick laughed to himself. He was gaining on them and was soon going to be in range. Timing it so that he was on a straight path before he acted, Nick pulled his Beretta from his lap, glad he hadn’t lost his favorite gun when the sled had lurched, and quickly popped a few shots towards the sled in front.

Nick could not hear anything, but he watched Drums’s hand fly to his head, and he thought he could see some red come away. He had a handle on the controls now, and it was a smooth movement to turn and then aim his gun. Squeezing the trigger, he was frustrated when only one bullet fired, missing the lead sled wide, as they reached another turn and curved away from the bullet.

“Styx, can you reach your gun?” Nick yelled.

“No, no room!” the answer came back.

Nick knew that he wouldn’t be able to reach his spare pistol without losing complete control of the sled, but perhaps Styx would be able to manipulate his way to Nick’s waist to grab the gun. “Grab my other gun at my hip!” he bellowed.

He could feel Styx fumble around, groping him in attempts to get the gun.

“We tell no one of this!” he shouted, embarrassed by what was transpiring in the sled.

“I got it!” Styx yelled. He could feel the gun sliding from his waist and Styx’s arm slowly moving forward, towards his own hand.

“Hand it over!” Nick wanted to be the one to fire, the one to take these evildoers down.

“I can make the shot!” Styx yelled back. “You worry about driving; I don’t want this to end up like most of your missions where you drive!”

Nick grumbled under his breath. He was too busy to retort, but he would make his junior partner pay for that remark, after they got their victory here.

“Shitballs!” Nick shrieked. With Styx leaning on his left shoulder from grabbing his gun, his arm was hindered and unable to pull fast enough to make the left-hand turn. The sled lurched heavily, and the two passengers were jerked around, Nick’s head slamming into Styx’s arm.

Able to recover, Nick noticed Dr. Rough’s and Drum’s sled slowing ahead of them. “Take the shot” he hollered.

“Fuck!” came the voice from behind. “The gun was knocked out of my hand during that last turn!”

Nick leaned further into the sled, attempting to move closer; maybe he could slam into their sled and stop them. When they were in range again, Dr. Rough’s arm rose up out of the sled and lobbed something small and black backwards, in their direction. Before he could react appropriately, another black object flew towards them, and Nick felt it fall into the small space between his back and Styx’s lap.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Looks like a… penguin…” Styx replied in confusion. A blast some feet away sent snow flying into their faces. “Shit, they’re grenades!”

“Toss it!” Nick growled, the snow disrupted from the first blast gaining on them.

It was apparent that Styx had followed the command when the second grenade exploded only a few feet away, its debris joining with the snow from the first blast. The ground seemed to shake, long after the blast, and Nick was suddenly aware of a roaring, rumbling sound from further up the mountain.

When he chanced a glance over his shoulder, catching Dr. Rough and Drums was no longer on his mind. An avalanche was close behind, and getting caught in that would be more deadly than being trapped in a pool filled with sharks with giant laser beams on their heads.

The tall snowdrifts on either side of them suddenly disappeared, and Nick could see blue sky and… “No, no, no!” Nick shook his head. “CLIFF!!”

Thinking quickly, he leaned heavily into the left turn. “Lean left!” Nick screamed. He knew Styx had followed suit when the sled tipped over. With the speed of the crash, Nick and Styx were flung from the sled, their landing cushioned by several feet of snow.

Fighting the white powder, Nick scrambled to his feet quickly and grabbed Styx by the sleeve. Together, they ran towards a rock outcrop. Ducking behind it, Nick looked back down the mountain, pissed that Dr. Rough and Drums would get away again.

He watched as they finally looked back and saw the avalanche approaching them. Dr. Rough, unable to tear his eyes away from the impending doom, missed the last turn at the end of the makeshift snow track, and their sled slammed into a snow bank. Nick couldn’t help but cringe as he witnessed their bodies, thrown up and out of the sled, soaring over the snow bank that formed the edge off the cliff.

The last thing he saw was one of the Sasquatch’s blue mittens flying over the side of the mountain, before the roar of the avalanche filled his ears, and the surge of snow cascaded down around them.


± ± ±


In the bowels of the Pacific Coliseum, Lancy’s jaw dropped open as his nemesis turned into the light.

"MIGA?!”

“Miga looove bomb!” chirped the orca bear in a high, squeaky voice, holding up a detonator stick. The Olympic mascot stepped aside to reveal Yu-Na, cowering behind him with the dynamite still strapped to her chest. “Miga drop this, girl go BOOM!” A psychotic laugh bubbled from within the cheerful mascot head.

“You’re not Miga!” cried Lancy, pointing a trembling, accusatory finger at the costumed character. “Miga loves snowboarding and salmon jerky, not explosives and international terrorism! Who are you really??”

With its free hand, the orca bear slowly lifted its black and white head to reveal…

Lancy blinked. He cocked his head at the long, narrow face poking out of the top of the Miga costume. “No seriously, who are you??” he asked, genuinely puzzled.

“The name’s not Miga,” growled the mystery man. “It’s Moffatt. Bob Moffatt.”

“Moffatt?” Lancy turned the name over on his tongue. Suddenly, it rang a bell. “Oh! You mean Moffatt, as in that lame nineties boyband that was a less successful rip-off of Hanson?”

“That’s the one. Only we’re not just a lame nineties boyband anymore,” Bob said darkly. “Now we work for FANS.”

“Ahh, I see, I see!” Lancy flapped his hands a little in excitement. “You didn’t have any actual fans of your own left, so you decided to join the terrorist league that uses the word FANS as its acronym. Not really the same thing, but whatevs – close enough, right? You put on that concert here in Canada that spread the FANthrax virus, didn’t you? Sooo not cool!”

“Shut up!” snapped Bob. “I know you; you work for Himitsu Takana. Drums told us about you.”

“Ah, my dear sweet Drums,” sighed Lancy, his insides all aflutter. “How is my favorite bad boy? All wounded and brooding, with those washboard abs and that tight little ass…”

“You’re not even a real agent, you queer. You’re 00Carter’s secretary. And you think you can stop me and the great Dr. Rough? What are you gonna do, make me sneeze with your pretty pink flower?”

“Let her go,” snarled Lancy.

“Nooo, I don’t think I’m gonna do that,” Bob taunted, as Yu-Na looked fearfully between them, trembling from head to foot. “Let’s go, come on,” he snapped suddenly, giving her a rough shove. “Let’s go! Move it, move it! You stay,” he added sharply, pointing his detonator at Lancy.

Lancy hesitated, flower in hand, but he was afraid to squirt it, afraid of making Bob drop the detonator and blow his precious Kimmy to bits.

“Move it, move it! In that door. In that door NOW!” Bob pushed Yu-Na through a door, and as he disappeared through it behind her, he called, “Bye, Lancybassy!”

Lancy charged after him, into a stairwell and up the concrete steps. He pushed through a second door, which led to the main concourse, filled with spectators in line for the concession stand and restrooms. The man in the Miga costume was quickly swallowed up by the crowds, but Lancy heard screams ahead and knew he was headed in the right direction.

People stared as the flamboyant, frosted-haired man in the hot pink parka went lolloping by, his hands flapping like fairy wings on the ends of his limp wrists, but Lancy paid no attention to anyone, until he noticed a flash of red and white out of the corner of his eye. He reeled to a stop and did a double take, his eyes lighting up at what he saw.

“Ohmygod!” he cried, bounding towards the man in the red and white warm-up suit emblazoned with the Canadian maple leaf. “Is that a luge you’re holding?!”

The man nodded, giving the sled that was tipped against his legs a little nudge with his foot. “I’m Sam Edney, from the Canadian luge team,” he said, sporting a winning smile. “Would you like an autograph?”

“Well, duh I’d like one, for my Olympics scrapbook,” gushed Lancy, “but actually, first I just need to borrow your luge for one teensy minute, okay?” Without waiting for a reply, Lancy swooped down and snatched the sled. “Cool beans, thanks! I’ll bring it straight back – pinkie promise!” With his free hand, he hooked his pinkie around the stunned luger’s and then scampered off, the luge tucked under one arm.

Bob and Yu-Na must have been far ahead of him by now. Lancy grew more and more desperate as he jogged through the increasingly narrow and deserted corridor that curved around the Coliseum. He would never catch up to them in time, and what if they decided to duck out one of the exits?

Then he heard a resounding chorus of screams bouncing off the walls of the skating rink and knew they had not left the venue.

Inside the arena, Diamond rested her chin on her hand and sighed with boredom, as the Zamboni continued to circle the ice at a steady six miles an hour. Twangy music blared over the sound system, and up until then, the spectators had been singing along. “I wanna drive the Zamboni… Yeah, I wanna drive the Zamboni… Yes, I do…”

Her phone started to vibrate inside her back pocket, and Diamond shifted her weight to slide it out. Checking the screen, she found a text from Pearl, which read: What’s the hold up?? The commentators are running out of things 2 talk abt!

Dunno, Diamond texted back. Still waiting on Lancy.

Txt him & tell him 2 hurry up!

Will do.
Diamond was in the process of firing off another text message to Lancy, when she heard the screams. She looked up in time to see one of the Olympic mascots, without its head, dragging the captive figure skater up the steps in one of the aisles. Where r u? she texted rapidly and pressed send.

As his phone vibrated in his skinny jeans, Lancy darted through the nearest entrance into the arena and gazed down over the rows of seats. All around him, people were filling the aisles, swarming for the exits. He looked around wildly for the source of the panic. At last, he spotted the headless mascot, some three sections down, handcuffing Yu-Na to a railing. Down on the ice, Diamond perched like a pin-up model on the Zamboni, her legs crossed, jiggling one skate impatiently. When she looked up and saw Lancy, she waved.

Kimmy or Diamond… He had to choose. Tutting with frustration, Lancy took off, moving down the steps instead of across the aisles. He reached the barrier separating the bottom row of seats from the ice and leap-frogged over it, still carrying the luge. This he held to his chest, and with a running leap, he slipped and slid down onto it, rocketing across the ice towards the Zamboni on the sleek sled.

“I can always count on you, Lancy!” beamed Diamond, as a battered and breathless Lancy, swaying slightly with dizziness, held up the luge.

They worked together quickly, knotting rope around the end of the luge and securing it to the front of the Zamboni. “Ohmygod, you are insane,” Lancy told Diamond, as she lay down on the luge.

Diamond flashed a dazzling grin. “It’s part of my charm.”

“Okay, Di, this is it. Don’t get dead!” pleaded Lancy, and he pushed the luge underneath the Zamboni. “Keep it steady!” he called to the Zamboni operator, who responded with a nod and a thumbs up. Moving back out of the way, Lancy wrung his hands and watched nervously as Diamond fumbled with the underside of the Zamboni.

“Okay, we’re gonna have to try to bypass the remote current with the battery.” Pearl’s voice came through the Bluetooth piece in Diamond’s ear. “Can you find the tripwire for the remote?”

“I dunno – I’ve got a few choices here,” said Diamond, fingering the colored wires hooked to the bomb.

“Black and red?”

“And green.”

“Okay… alright, uh… I’m gonna guess he’s not gonna go with standard copper for the remote; that’d be too weak. I’d use a fiber alloy,” said Pearl. “Uh, Di, I’m gonna need you to look at the wire.”

“Pearl, it’s covered!”

“Yeah, I know. You’re gonna have to cut off the sheath. But don’t cut the wire!”

“Right.” Diamond reached down to her pocket and slid out her manicure scissors. With little space to work between the ice and the Zamboni, she began to carefully slice away the covering of one of the wires, as Lancy fretfully looked on.

A flash of black and white in his peripheral vision caused him to turn his head, just in time to duck a flying fist, as Miga – or, Bob – came sliding towards him. “You!” screamed Bob. “You try to mess with my master’s work? I don’t think so! I’m coming for you, Lancybassy!”

Lancy scrambled across the ice, his feet slipping and sliding. Behind him, Bob was not having much better luck. The remaining spectators froze in their tracks and watched as the awkward chase ensued around the skating rink. Lunging for Lancy, Bob fell first, clipping his chin upon the ice. In turning to look over his shoulder, Lancy, too, lost his balance and had a wipeout of his own. Before he could get back on his feet, Bob leaped on top of him, and the two scrabbled around on the ice.

Lancy managed to gain the upper hand, slamming Bob facedown onto the ice and straddling his back. “You picked the wrong man to mess with,” sassed Lancy, as he pulled the other man into a camel clutch, grinding his pelvis into the Bob’s backside as his hands locked around the minion’s straining chin. “I was an all-state wrestling champ in high school. There’s nothing I love more than a heated romp on the floor with a muscular brute in Spandex.” He giggled as he pulled back on Bob’s head, squeezing his torso between his thighs. Bob let out a strangled groan. “Oh yeah… take it, Miga… take it, you little bitch!” Lancy panted, tugging and thrusting at the same time.

“Hey, I’ll drop the stick, fag! You want that?” Bob gasped. Lancy’s moment of hesitation was brief, but it was enough: with a burst of adrenaline, Bob summoned the strength to throw Lancy off him and quickly scrambled to his feet. The chase continued, but now it was Lancy who pursued Bob around the rink.

“Bulls-eye!” Diamond shouted from beneath the Zamboni, once she’d managed to strip the wires.

“Great!” said Pearl. “Okay, I want you to clip on the battery, and then run it to the lead wire.”

“Copy.”

“Shit!” From across the rink, Bob had seen Diamond fiddling with his master’s bomb again, from her perilous position between the wheels of the Zamboni. He charged straight through the center of the ice, his arms windmilling for balance as he skidded wildly, and climbed onto the Zamboni.

Lancy raced after him, knowing that if he managed to throw the driver off, Diamond would quickly be crushed beneath the Zamboni’s wheels – or worse, its blade. In a matter of seconds, he, too, was atop the Zamboni.

“Don’t even try it!” snarled Bob, slamming Lancy down onto the snow tank on the front of the Zamboni. “You know you’re finished, fag!” He clobbered Lancy upside the head with the detonator still clutched in his hand. “I got you! Oh yes!” he hissed, grabbing a hank of Lancy’s artfully spiked bangs. Lancy saw stars of pain as his head was yanked upward and then slammed back again. “Yes! Yes!” shouted Bob, his hands tightening around Lancy’s neck.

The bright arena grew dim, as a black tunnel began to close in on Lancy’s vision. His windpipe was blocked; his chest felt tight with crushing pressure as he fought to breathe. Everything was fading…

Struggling to stay conscious, Lancy grabbed Bob’s wrists with the last of his strength, but it was not enough…

Under the Zamboni, Diamond let out a squee of delight. “I got it! I got it, Pearl; it’s disabled!”

“Good! Now get out of there!” urged Pearl.

“Trust me, I can’t wait. Lancy!” called Diamond. “Lancy, I got it! I’m ready to come out now! Lancy?”

From somewhere faraway, Lancy heard Diamond’s voice. Bob heard it, too, and his grip loosened, allowing a precious breath of air to slip down Lancy’s throat. He turned his head to the side and saw that the Zamboni had reached the end of the rink; it should be about to make its turn, but instead, it was still going straight, heading for the tunnel through which Lancy had first chased Bob. There was a sign mounted at the head of the tunnel, some sort of advertisement.

“What do you do, Lancybassy, huh?” grunted Bob, still struggling on top of Lancy. “What do you do? You’re so smart, right? You think you’re better than us, you queer piece of shit? Well, we’re the ones with the plan, Dr. Rough and his agents, ‘cause we’re smarter than you! We’re smarter than you!”

The sign was looming closer overhead. Adrenaline coursing through his veins, Lancy summoned the strength he needed to grab Bob’s chin again and force his head upwards.

It was too late for Bob: He looked up to see the sign coming a split second before it collided with his face, snapping his head backwards on his neck. The force of it knocked him off the Zamboni, and Lancy leaned over the edge of the tank to watch as his body was dragged beneath the wheels of the massive ice resurfacer.

“Hey!” squealed Diamond, as Bob rolled under the Zamboni, knocking into her luge. “Get out; there’s not room under here for two of us!”

Her discomfort was only temporary, though; without a rope to hold him in place, Bob was quickly dragged beneath the blade which shaved the ice. On top of the Zamboni, Lancy felt a sickening bump as the blade severed Bob’s neck. His mangled head bounced out onto the ice like a curling stone.

“Yeah,” said Lancy with a feisty smile, “but I’m taller.” He sat up, snapping his fingers in a circle. Then he heard Diamond’s scream from below.

“Hey! Turn this thing off and get me out from under here! The bomb’s been disabled; it’s okay to stop!”

“You heard the lady,” said Lancy to the driver, and he leapt off the Zamboni as it slowed to a stop and did not explode. He carefully pulled on the rope at the front of the machine, easing Diamond out from under it on her luge. “You were absolutely fabulous, babe,” he gushed as she emerged.

Diamond sat up and shook out her blonde hair. “You were amazing too, hon. I couldn’t have done it without you.” She beamed a smile at Lancy, but the grin had fallen off his face. Instead of exhilarated, he looked flabbergasted. “What?” she demanded.

“Your… your hair…”

“What? Oh yeah…” Diamond combed her fingers through the cropped ends of her blonde hair and bit down on her lip. “Yeah, I think it kind of got cut by the blade there at the end, when that guy bumped into me. How bad is it?”

“It’s… it’s… FABULOUS!” squealed Lancy.

“Really??” Her hands moved to her scalp, fluffing her hair up. “You’re not just saying that?”

Lancy gave her a look. “Would I lie to you, darling? It looks amazeballs! Those layers really frame your face, and hey, Cosmo says the asymmetrical look is in!” He reached into his coat and pulled out his pocket mirror. “See for yourself,” he said, handing it to Diamond.

“Ooh, very chic!” she cooed, admiring her own reflection. “Do you think Nick will like it?”

“He better!” Lancy said fiercely. “Otherwise I might just have to try the camel clutch on him!” He sniffed, and then a mischievous smile spread across his face. “On second thought – I might have to try that one on him anyway…”

“Hey, what about Yu-Na?” asked Diamond, looking around.

Still alive, still handcuffed to the railing, Yu-Na raised one hand as best she could and offered an awkward wave.

“KIMMY!” cried Lancy, temporarily forgetting about how he was going to punish that naughty, naughty Nicky… “Wow, Bob got squished and decapitated, and she still didn’t blow up! Was the detonator a dud?”

Diamond crawled over to Bob’s headless body. The detonator was still clutched tightly in his hand. “No…” she said, inspecting it carefully. “I think his muscles must have contracted when his spinal cord was severed. His hand seized up around the detonator.”

“Lucky…” said Lancy. “We better get Kimmy undone and take that icky contraption off her! I’ll look for the key.” He unzipped the Miga costume and took his time patting down Bob’s pockets, groping nearly every inch of his body in search of the key to the handcuffs. At last, he found the small, silver key tucked underneath Bob’s t-shirt, hanging on a chain around what was left of his neck. He slid the chain effortlessly over the bleeding stump.

“Well,” he sighed to Diamond, looking down at the headless Moffatt. “At least now they’ll be able to tell him apart from his brothers.”


± ± ±
Wreckage in a Winter Wonderland: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana
A lone hook could be seen, stuck deeply into the thick layer of ice clinging to the jagged cliff. If one’s gaze followed downwards in the direction of the hook, they’d be able to glimpse a furious, furry figure, desperately hanging on by the hook.

“Yo, dat Carter’s gonna pay!” Drums screamed in fury, as stabbing pains shot along his arm from the stress set upon it. It was ironic in a sense: the severing of his hand, caused by none other than Nick Carter himself, was what had saved him from certain death. It was the very hook Dr. Rough had attached in place of his hand that had kept him from tumbling down through the air, landing on the sharp rocks that had been the end of their bobsled. Snow stuck to the matted Quatchi suit that he still wore, weighing him down more. His other hand gripped a rock wedged into the side of the ledge, trying not to shiver from the stinging cold.

“Drums, we are going to make him suffer for all that he’s caused us. It’s just going to take time; I think we underestimated the blonde boy wonder. But you will be rewarded,” Dr. Rough replied in soothing tones. Drums glanced down at his mentor and leader – not that he needed to, to know where he was. He could feel Dr. Rough holding his legs in the tightest death grip known to man. He was at about his knees, his arms wrapped around them, fighting hard not to look down. If he looked a little further, he could even see Dr. Twitches, squeaking for dear life. He was on Dr Rough’s shoe, dressed cutely in a little beanie and scarf that matched the tiny purple sweater he wore, and looking reasonably terrified.

Suddenly, the sounds of a helicopter could be heard. Drums swore to himself. “Damn, if dat’s da HimTak suckas, we screwed.”

“No…” Dr. Rough replied in an awed wonder. “Look…”

The helicopter came into view, hovering above them. The first thing they spotted was the silver and purple F.A.N.S. logo Drums had come to know well. Drums gazed upwards, towards the top of the ledge, and there, waving its wing, was MJ. The penguin squawked loudly, seeming to be summoning the helicopter closer. He had a little barrel strapped around his neck, and a headpiece over his ear hole.

“Ohh, I got mad love for dat mutated bird, yo,” Drums murmured, as a rope was lowered down to them. Gripping it tightly with his right hand, he pried his prosthetic hook free of the frozen ground.

Dave Moffatt, triplet of Clint and Bob, was in the door of the helicopter, pulling the rope up. The two men and ferret breathed a sigh of relief and let themselves be lifted into the air and into safety once more.

Dr. Rough finally looked downwards as they rose, his eyes scanning for any sight of the infuriating Agent Carter.

“It’s not over, Carter… not by a long shot. IT’S. NOT. OVER!!!!”


± ± ±


Cold.

Really Cold.

Hella Fucking Cold.

Really Annoyingly Fucking Cold.

Those were the only thoughts going through Nick’s mind, as he blinked his eyes and saw nothing but pure white above him. For a moment, his heart felt like it was about to explode with panic.

“Nick?! If you’re there, respond!” Jay’s voice crackled near his head. Nick took as deep a breath as he could, in a attempt to calm himself. The voice was only inches away from his ears, where his arm rested beneath the snow.

Must’ve gotten buried by that avalanche. Shitballs! He attempted to move his arms, forcing them through the snow. Much to his relief, he found he hadn’t been buried too far underneath. After a few minutes, he was able to pull himself completely out of the snowy debris, shaking off as much as he could. He shivered visibly, fighting not to let his teeth chatter.

“I’m alright, Jay,” he replied into his watch, which, none to his surprise, still worked. Pearl always thought ahead that way. She would make it extreme snow-proof.

“You had me worried, man; I saw the avalanche. And not to be punny, but… you were out cold for awhile.”

“Hardy-ha-ha,” Nick replied sarcastically, as he regrouped. He swiped the snow out of his hair, his eyebrows, and his eyes, even. Then he sighed. He’d seen Dr. Rough and Drums go over the edge, but even so, they’d probably made it out alive. They always did; they were like zombies that way, always seeming to come back from the dead, and nothing would kill them, except a bullet to the brain, from the looks of it.

“Any sign of Styx?”

Nick paused his current trek through the snow. “Wait, you mean you haven’t seen him?”

“Not since that avalanche buried you both. I’m gonna have Pearl see if she can’t get a signal going from his mission cam and send it to your watch.”

“Aight, beep me when ya got something. And tell K I don’t want any more damn missions in the snow!”

He clicked his watch shut, looking around desperately for his protégée. This was a hard business, but he was starting to feel a camaraderie with the shadow agent. The reasoning was simple: Styx reminded him a lot of himself when he’d first joined. The instinctive actions, the fighting style so similar to his own, and an easygoingness not often found in this field. There was creativity that Nick appreciated from his sparring sessions with Styx, and he knew that he could be a great double-0 agent one day. Nick even understood why K had assigned Styx to him, despite how Nick had resented it at first.

And now, on their first paired mission together, to really get the shadow agent ready, Nick may have just gotten him killed. He ran across the powdery-looking ground, his eyes searching for any sign of life.

“STYX!” he screamed. A distant rumble reminded him that screaming wasn't a good idea if he wanted to stay above the snow.

Nick growled as he kicked a nearby pine tree as hard as he could muster. “Damn it!” Why did it feel like Dr. Rough always won? How was it that when he should have been dead, he was still alive? How had Drums been able to survive losing all that blood when he’d accidentally sliced off his hand? How did they escape again and again?

Why did he always fail?

He kicked the tree again. “Motherfucker! Stupid FANS, with all their bullshit. Stupid cold. Stupid fucking snow! This is why global warming is good! To get rid of this freezing-ass snow!”

Nick’s watch beeped before the tiny screen rose to show Jay and Pearl. Jay gave a warm, comforting smile. “If K heard you say that, you’d be dead.”

Pearl could be seen typing on her keyboard. “I’ve got Styx’s signal. The cam got wiped out, so I can’t give any sort of visual, though I think it’d be all snow anyway. Luckily, he was testing this new device of mine, and I was able to hone in on the tracking signal. I’m sending the coordinates to your watch, okay?”

Nick sighed with relief. “Thanks, Pearl.”

“Be warned, Nick… I don’t know how deep he got buried, just where his general location is. The signal isn’t the strongest.”

He nodded, ending the connection as a map appeared, with a pulsing red dot not too far from a steady blue one. He took a few steps, and when he saw the blue dot move, he nodded to himself. He ran in the direction Styx seemed to be in. Who knew how deep he was in the snow, if he was alright…

If he was alive.

Finally, when he spotted the two dots on top of each other on the tiny watch map, he flipped the screen shut. Glancing down, he was momentarily confused. Some part of him had still expected a more evident sign of the agent. Regaining his bearings, he began digging furiously into the snow. The cold was aggravating him more and more, as he felt his teeth chatter and his fingers burn with frostbite, yet he didn’t care. He had to save him. He couldn’t cause yet another death to a fellow agent. Drums – and consequentially, Shazam – had been enough.

Finally, he uncovered a dark hand poking through the snow. Encouraged, he kept brushing the snow off of Styx, revealing his arm, then the top of his head, until he was finally able to pull him out. Styx was still, but he was breathing. He was alive. Nick shook the young man, hoping against anything he had just been knocked out by the impact, same as he himself had been.

“Hey, you alright?”

A pair of brown eyes blinked open. Styx’s lips curved into a smile. “Oh, Nick Carter, you’re my hero,” he teased.

“Good to see you’re alright.”

Styx sat up, giving Nick a nod as he shivered. “I’m alright, just really goddamn cold.”

“Tell me about it.” Nick flipped his watch open yet again, speaking clearly into it.

“Connect me to Diamond.”

Within moments, he could hear her girlish voice. “Nick! We were able to save her! Problems solved.”

“Hey, I need you to pick me up. Me and Styx… it’s a long story. Have Pearl send you our coordinates.”

“No problem.”

“And hey, maybe we can make our own body heat up at one of the cabins.” He smirked.

He could hear Diamond’s enticing smile in her voice. “That can be arranged.”


± ± ±


They were at the lodge now, warming themselves by a magnificent fireplace. Styx was curled up on one of the overstuffed couches, half-buried with blankets and looking as if he never wanted to feel a hint of cold ever again. Lancy was perched nearby, talking to a young ski instructor and flirting as shamelessly as possible. Nick glanced back at them from his place at the bar, next to Diamond. The entire scene, as unique as it was, felt picturesque to him.

“… So we found the real mascots, poor things; they had been bound and gagged and thrown into some supply closet. Ew.”

Nick nodded, as the bartender finally noticed them waiting and headed their way. “So all of them were imposters. That sounds about right.”

“The skaters are all shaken by what happened, but we told them that there’s nothing to worry about. The rest of the Games should go as planned now. Lancy’s ecstatic ‘cause he’s gotten so many autographs through this.” Diamond giggled. “Me, I need a serious shopping session. Fighting evil does that to a girl.”

“What can I get for you guys?”

Nick flashed a seductive smirk at the bartender. “Cocoa. Hot cocoa. Shaken, not stirred.” She gave them an odd look, but went to prepare the drink as requested. He sighed. “I need a break from all these cold-ass missions. And what the hell happened to make Canada cause all this shit? Canada’s supposed to be ignored, damn it!”

As the hot chocolate was set into his hands, he held it before him, enjoying the warmth that spread through his fingers at the touch. He once again took a look around. It always amazed him how little people knew about how close the world came every day to global chaos and mayhem. Nick took a long sip from his mug, relishing the taste.

Ahh, bliss.


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana


Her hands ran over the books, taking in the varying textures that the different bindings offered her impatient fingers. There were so many delicious choices in this library, each one filled with its own priceless bits of history, bursting to be known, to be read; instead, they sat on the shelves of a selfish government, in a restricted section, collecting dust.

Her time was limited, but she could not stop her fingers, as they wandered over a first edition copy of Mark Twain’s legendary Huckleberry Finn. Carefully, she pulled the book from its spot on the shelf and laid it delicately on the table next to her. Gently, she opened the front cover and peered at the opening sentences. “You don’t know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.” This book alone would be a treasure to own, but she was not here for this treasure. Closing the cover, she placed the book back with its companions. She could not spoil her months of planning for this one item by taking one considerably less valuable.

Her research told her she needed to move two rows to the left, about halfway up the aisle. Softly, she moved, careful not to disturb anything more, in case the new guard decided to come on duty earlier than scheduled. Standing on the tips of her toes, she scanned the spines of each book on her intended shelf. When she reached a series of books covering the Wisconsin Cheese Festivals from the turn of the twentieth century until the recent decade, a smirk crossed her face. It was a wonder to her that no one questioned why a book about cheese festivals was located in the restricted section of the Library of Congress. She assumed that those who used the library never really looked at the titles of the books unless they were in need of them.

Cautiously looking around, taking in the location of the cameras and keeping her face turned so that it could not be seen in full, she reached her hand towards the Cheese Festival books and pulled three of them off the shelf. Rising on tiptoe again, she glanced into the opening the books left. She could not see anything immediately jump out at her. Smirking, she brought her arm through the gap and began to feel around behind the books. She felt nothing but the back of the bookcase.

Frustrated, she shoved the rest of the books about the Wisconsin Cheese Festivals onto the floor. In her haste, a few other books fell off the shelves. Upset with herself for mistreating the books, she bent down to pick them up from the floor. Her source had informed her the book was located here. She knew her source was not wrong; he agreed with her agenda, at least the agenda she’d told him, but she was sure she’d been convincing, and he did not know the real reason. Brushing the strands of black hair that had fallen into her face back behind her ears, she stood and placed the books on the table behind her, careful to avert her face still. Grabbing the first book in her stack, she stood staring at the annals of the cheese festivals from 1920-1929 and thought about the situation that faced her. This was her one chance. She had two choices:

1. Abandon the pursuit for this one item and move on, or...
2. Tear apart the entire library searching for it and hope she could find it before a storm of guards came to take her away.

Neither one of these ideas sat well with her. Unfocused on what she was doing, she started to put the book back on the shelf. A noise coming from the stairwell caused her to look up, rushed, and that was when she saw it. The back of the bookcase behind where the cheese festival books were located was not as far back as the back of the shelves behind the other books.

Positively giddy at this point, she stood up on the tips of her toes and started feeling around again. There had to be a catch of some kind to release what she most desired. After only a few seconds of groping around, she felt something different and heard a slight click. This was it. She knew the alarms would be sounding now; she had to grab the book and make a run for it. There would be no time to cherish her new possession until she was safe.

Prying the boards away, she finally felt binding and quickly pulled it out of its spot. Unable to wait, she decided she needed to take a look now. It was imperative that she knew she had the correct book before bolting, only to find out later she’d stolen a first edition Betty Crocker cookbook. Scanning the words of the first page, she knew right away that she had the real deal: only one page, and secrets about the United States and its founding fathers were opened up to her. Unable to keep up an air of professionalism, she let a squeal come out.

“Up here,” she heard a voice calling. The squeal was too much, probably. It was fine with her; she needed them to see her, and she needed someone to witness the great theft. Running faster than she thought possible in a skirt and heels, she made her way toward the back staircase and took every chance she could get to look up at the security cameras. She needed to look now; it was part of her escape.

Finally, she reached the doors, and freedom was almost hers. “Freeze!” the same voice she’d heard earlier yelled out at her. She turned to face the voice, laughing at the cliché use of “freeze.” Really, couldn’t they find a more creative way to tell someone to stop moving?

Staring at the guard through the black strands of hair that had fallen back into her eyes, a smile started to play on her lips. His hands were shaking slightly. “Ashavari?” the man questioned. The woman laughed. It was even better that this guard had caught on to her disguise perfectly; that was something she had not planned for. Before he could say anything else, the woman pulled a gun from her suit jacket and shot the guard in the knee.

There was barely enough time, but she made it out of the library and managed to be far away before the police, FBI, and CIA were able to make it there. She walked along the path in the park and caressed the cover of the book gently. By far, this was her most coveted possession, but she did not have much time to cherish it. She had to move on to the next heist, the next priceless book that needed “rescuing.”


  


“You guys need anything?” an accented voice called out through the house.

“No, we’re good, Opal! Well, wait, come on over; I’m sure we can use something to brighten up the room a bit more,” Nick called back with a grin, as he refocused his attention upon the files on the table in front of him.

“Don’t you start getting coy with me, Nick!”

“Now, Carter, I told ya, she’s mine,” joked Brian, who was sitting next to Nick on the couch. It was a new phenomenon for the two of them to be in the same room, teasing each other in the way friends did, without any underlying animosity. But things had changed ever since the FANthrax mission, since Brian’s life had nearly been claimed by the virus in Canada. “Whatever happened with Julilly, anyway? I’da thought you’d have used that trip to the Olympics as another chance to hook up with her.”

Nick shook his head, grinning sheepishly. “Man, you know how those things go…”

“Do you have booty call girls in every country or something?”

Nick’s grin grew wider. “Something like that.”

“Good thing they’re booty calls, or they’d get sick of you.”

“Brian, you just don’t know. Once they go Nick, everyone else makes ‘em sick.”

The southerner shook his head and returned his focus back to what they were actually supposed to be working on. The two were at Brian’s house, just outside of Washington, D.C., in the beautiful countryside of Virginia. The house was a two-story, classic, country home, straight out of a clichéd movie, with acres of woods around it, along with a large back porch, even with the handmade rocking chair. The inside had a homey feeling, designed for comfort rather than style, filled with heirlooms passed through Brian’s family. It was actually the kind of home Nick wished he’d grown up in – not that he would ever say so aloud.

“Hey, you paying attention?”

“Not fully, sorry.” Not at all, to be more accurate – not that he’d ever say that either.

“I was saying, from the look of it, everyone’s starting to calm down about the Olympics. South Korea’s finally stopped blaming Canada for their lax security, and Cypress Mountain is open for operation again, now that the avalanche cleanup is finished. You and Styx are lucky you got out of that alive.”

Nick nodded, shuffling through the papers with pent up frustration. “Yeah, but what about Drums and Dr. Rough? I tell ya, man, the last I saw of them, they were flying off a cliff. Literally, off a cliff! They went over the edge! Tell me, how could they possibly have survived that? But these say no bodies were recovered…”

Brian watched Nick and nodded sympathetically. “…which makes you think that, once again, Rough managed to escape.”

Nick’s fist slammed the files he held in his hands upon the table. “It’s fucking frustrating, man! This midget has gotten away from us five different freaking times! Who knows, maybe more, and it just took us ages to realize it was that twitchy bastard.”

“Not just you that’s aggravated, Nick. We are too. My superiors are pissed no one’s found him. They’re shocked as hell that HimTak hasn’t gotten the job done yet.”

“Don’t rub it in.”

“Sorry, but we’re getting fed up, too. I don’t get how he keeps slipping away.”

“’Cause he’s a munchkin coward. Little people are evil.”

Brian smirked. “Hey, cut the short jokes. Not all of us are angry, overcompensating, little twits.”

Nick snickered. “Well, you’re not angry…”

“Now, I ain’t the one showing mine off all the time.”

“Maaaan, you know K almost killed me ‘cause of you.” Nick picked up the files again, his eyes scanning them for anything that could help him finally track down FANS and give them what they deserved. He also was trying not to think about how Brian had forced him to flash Canada and show off not-so-little Nicky at the hotel in Toronto.

“I know; he called and yelled at me, too. It was worth it to see your face.”

“Glad to see you feel guilty about it, Country Boy.” He saw Opal pass by them, heading into the kitchen. “Hmm, I know Red sent you that video, but did Opal ever see it? Might explain why she’s not knocking at my door yet…” he teased with a playful smile.

“Oh, I saw it, Nick…” she answered with a giggle, as she tossed her curtain of silky, black hair over her shoulder. Her green eyes met his as she opened the fridge. “I just prefer the good ol’ fashioned country boy.”

“Your words wound me greatly, Opal.” Nick pouted dramatically with his hands over his heart. “I don’t know if I can go on.”

“You better ‘cause I know I ain’t doin’ all this paperwork for HimTak and CIA by myself,” Brian said matter-of-factly, his accent thickening a bit. He shoved the HimTak papers back at Nick’s chest. Between giggles, Nick started getting back to work again, and Brian chuckled despite himself.

“Fine, but one day, Opal… one day…”

She laughed and closed the refrigerator door once again. “One day, your dreams will come…”

Brian groaned. “Hon, don’t get him started on Disney songs. He doesn’t stop!”

Nick stuck his tongue out at him. “Had my share of those last year, thanks. But I can sing for you, since you love it so much.”

Opal came to the table, leaned over Brian, and kissed him softly. “Sorry, sweetie,” she stated with a wry grin. His hands reached for her face gently and pulled her down for another kiss.

“You owe me.”

“Maybe… I need to run to the store though, okay?”

“Mmm… not if you’re gonna do this, Ashie…”

Nick was oblivious to the exchange, as he began to sing. “I want to love you… P-Y-T! Pretty Young Thing… you need some lovin'… T-L-C!”

“Michael Jackson again?” Brian had to ask, once he pulled away from Opal. She went to grab her purse and keys. He watched Nick with amused amazement.

Nick danced a bit in his chair to the music in his head. “Hey, the man was the King of Pop…” He grinned as he got back to work, continuing to sing, of course. “…Tender Lovin' Care… and I'll take you there… I want to love you….”

“P-Y-T!” Brian chimed in, waving as Opal headed for the door, laughing to herself. It was good seeing them get along, though it looked like Nick wasn’t the best influence in the world, but it was entertaining.

“Bout time I see you loosen up!” Nick beamed brightly. “…Pretty Young Thing, you need some lovin'…”

“T-L-C!”

“Tender Lovin' Care… I'll take you there…”


Before Brian could continue the line Nick left off on, there was a loud knock at the door. Brian gave Nick a shrug before he got up and walked through the living room, to get to the front room and answer the door. Nick listened closely, as the person at the door introduced himself.

“I’m Agent Tom,” a man said, and Nick assumed he was now flashing his identification, “and this is Agent Hank. We’re with the FBI. Is there an Ashavari Desai at this residence? We have a warrant for her arrest.” Nick sat up as soon as he heard Opal’s real name and the word “warrant.” He made his way silently through the living room and across the hallway, where he slipped into the coat closet within moments.

“On what charges?!” Brian exclaimed, still standing in the doorway to deny them access to his home. Obviously, he knew Opal wasn’t home, but they didn’t know that, and he wanted to keep them out of his house as long as possible.

“As far as you’re concerned, she’s been connected as the sole perpetrator of a number of crimes: grand theft, assault with a deadly weapon, and threatening national security, at the top of the list,” Agent Hank said, growing impatient.

“What the-” Brian started, before taking a moment to process this information, looking back as he did so and noticing the coat closet door cracked open just slightly. He would have been surprised by Nick’s quick hiding skills if he hadn’t been so concerned about Opal at the moment. “When did she supposedly commit these crimes? We’ve been damn near inseparable for almost a week now.”

Nick’s eyes widened as he listened through the crack he’d left in the door. He immediately pulled out his cell phone and sent Opal a text message: FBI IS HERE LOOKING TO ARREST YOU. DO NOT COME BACK TO BRIAN’S. STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

“So Ms. Desai is here, then?” Agent Tom said, ignoring Brian’s last comment.

“No, actually, she’s not,” Brian said, through gritted teeth, as it was clear he was not going to get through to these guys enough to call off their manhunt for his Opal. “She went into D.C. for the day with some of her friends,” Brian lied, silently hoping they would buy it, but knowing that they had no reason not to; Brian was trained to spot liars just as well as they were, so he knew all the traps to avoid.

Agent Tom and Agent Hank exchanged looks. “Fair enough. We should be able to find her there,” Agent Hank said to Agent Tom, quietly enough that he surely didn’t want Brian to hear his comment.

“Just remember, Agent Littrell, if we suspect foul play, we can have you arrested for obstruction of justice and harboring a fugitive of the law,” Agent Tom said, as Agent Hank walked back down the front steps of the porch and made his way back to the car.

“I hope that’s not a threat, Agent,” Brian commented, trying to control his temper as much as he could at that moment, “because it sounded awfully threatening and damn near accusatory. Now, if that’ll be all I can do for you today…”

“I suppose it is, Agent Littrell,” Agent Tom said, as he turned around to walk to the porch steps, twisting back to look at Brian before walking down. “I hope I won’t have to come back here looking for you soon, too.”

“Have a good day, gentlemen!” Brian called, as he began to close the door, waving goodbye, while ignoring Agent Tom’s last statement. Brian instantly turned around, after locking the door, and darted to the hall closet. “I’d make a joke about you coming out of the closet right about now, but we really need to-”

“-Warn Opal to stay somewhere safe until we can come get her?” Nick finished, holding up his cell phone to show the text message he’d just received from Opal that simply said: WHAT?! FINE, GET HERE QUICK. B KNOWS WHERE.

Brian grinned as he read the message, then reached behind Nick to grab a jacket. “Come on. We have to work quickly if we’ve got a chance.”


  


“I gotta hand it to ya, Carter,” remarked Brian, as he drove them to Opal’s preferred grocery store. “You can think on your feet. I’d almost say that was genius.”

In the passenger seat, Nick raised his eyebrows and blinked rapidly, feigning disbelief. “What was that, Littrell? Could you say it again? The last part?”

Brian smirked. “I said, I could almost call that genius, Carter.”

“Almost,” Nick repeated, smirking back.

“’Course… they could’ve searched the house and blown your cover,” Brian added, determined not to let Carter’s head inflate too much. “You’re just lucky they didn’t.”

“Opal’s lucky,” Nick amended in a dark tone. “So what the hell is this all about, anyway? What exactly are they accusing her of doing?”

While waiting a few minutes, to be sure the Feds were truly gone, Brian had placed a call to a contact he had in the FBI to find out just that. Now he pressed his lips into a grim smile, his nostrils flaring as he drew in a sharp breath, and answered, “There was a break-in at the Library of Congress last night. Security was breached in a restricted section, and a priceless book was stolen. Security cameras captured a woman who resembled Ashavari, and I guess there was an eyewitness – a security guard at the library – who recognized her… or thought he did, anyway. But…” He shook his head quickly. “It couldn’t have been her. She wasn’t there, Nick. She was with me, at the house. Neither of us were anywhere near the Library of Congress last night.”

“But no one else knows that, right? It’s only you who can confirm her alibi, and since you’re involved with her, CIA or not, you’re not exactly an unbiased witness. Sounds like the stupid fucking Feds think they’ve already got the case in the bag,” Nick spat, his words tinged with bitterness at the mention of federal agents.

For once, Brian could understand his resentment. “Exactly,” he muttered back. “I’m not gonna let them put an innocent woman – my woman – behind bars for a crime she didn’t commit. If it’s the last thing I do, I’m gonna get Opal away from here until this whole thing blows over… until the real culprit is caught.”

“Harboring a fugitive… nice,” grinned Nick. When Brian gave him an annoyed look, he added quickly, “No seriously, dude, I approve! If Opal’s innocent, and the goddamn U.S. government’s determined to find her guilty, then you gotta fight to protect her.”

Seeing Nick’s enthusiasm, Brian was suddenly skeptical. He didn’t have an actual plan yet, but it seemed he was well on his way to doing exactly what Nick was suggesting: harboring a fugitive. And he, a CIA agent! Opal was innocent, but there would be no doubt of his guilt if he helped her escape. They would go down together.

“I dunno, Nick,” mumbled Brian, shaking his head. “I dunno what I’m doing… I dunno what I’m thinking! This is a bad idea. Maybe she should just turn herself in and offer her alibi.”

“And then what, rot in federal prison while they frame her anyway? Make an example of her, to show the public they’re cracking down on library terrorism?” Nick let out a derisive snort. “Screw that,” he retorted. “And you can forget this whole ‘I’ business. Make it ‘we,’ dude – I’m with you all the way. Anything to screw over the government… and save a damsel in distress at the same time. I’m in. I’m so in.”

Brian laughed skeptically, still shaking his head. Deep down, though, he felt oddly touched at Nick’s sudden surge of loyalty towards him. Well, him and Opal… perhaps with the emphasis on Opal… and at the root of it was Nick’s hatred of the government, the very agency for which Brian had worked and bled. But even still, he was touched.

00Carter really wasn’t so bad after all, once you got used to him.


  


“I can’t believe we’re plotting against the government in the freaking ladies room at Safeway,” grumbled Nick, looking around in disdain.

“We’re not plotting against the government,” Brian said sharply, giving him a warning look. “We’re just plotting how to get Opal away, until the government catches the real criminal.”

“Right,” snorted Nick. “And we’re doing it in the women’s bathroom.” He cast a mistrustful glance at the tampon dispenser.

“Like I said…” Brian sighed heavily, with the air of someone trying to explain a complex problem to a hyperactive two-year-old. “It’s the only place they don’t have security cameras to record everything we’re doing. If the parking lot cameras catch the three of us together, they’ll know I helped Opal.”

“Well, why couldn’t we have done this in the men’s room?” Nick complained.

“Why can’t the two of you just stop bickering and tell me what this is all about!” exploded Opal suddenly, stunning the two men into silence.

“Sorry, hon,” Brian apologized to her quickly. “Listen, someone who resembled you broke in to a highly secure wing of the Library of Congress last night and stole something valuable. Between surveillance camera angles – and you know how grainy those images are – and the statement from a guard who thought he recognized you, they’re convinced it really was you.”

“What?!” Opal cried, shaking her head, her exotic green eyes widening. “But that’s insane! You know I couldn’t have-”

“I know,” Brian cut in. “And Nick knows that too. That’s why we’re going to get you away from here, before they can incarcerate you for something you know nothing about.”

“But I have an alibi! You can confirm-”

Brian shook his head. “I don’t know how much good my testimony will do. Like Nick said earlier, they won’t consider me an unbiased witness. Word gets around; the Feds will know we’re together. They’ll think I’m just covering for you. And then they’ll start to wonder if I’m involved too, if maybe I even helped you.”

“But… Brian, this is the government…” Opal protested weakly. “They just couldn’t do that…”

Nick snorted. “You just said, it’s the government. Of course they could! They could, they can, and they will, if we let them. They pull shit like this all the time! You, of all people, should know – you work for them.” Opal shook her head, but he went on, “You can stay at HimTak, at least for now. It’s the one place in the continental U.S. that the government can’t touch.”

“But it’s located next to Area 51. That’s government property.”

Nick offered her a grim smile. “You keep our secrets, and we keep yours. We coexist, but we don’t interfere in each other’s business.”

“But isn’t that what you’re doing now? Interfering in their criminal investigation by hiding their suspect?” Opal asked.

Nick frowned at her. “Look, do you wanna stay out of jail or not? I’m offering you a safe haven. You’ll be safe at HimTak. They can’t touch you there.”

Opal nodded slowly. “Of course I want to stay out of jail. I just don’t want to do anything that would jeopardize yours or Brian’s careers.”

Finally, Brian spoke again. “If anyone’s jeopardizing my career, it’s me. I’m doing this of my own free will. Your freedom and safety are more important to me than serving a government that would put an innocent woman behind bars. You got that?”

Opal didn’t reply. She looked like she wanted to protest again, but she kept her mouth shut.

“Look, between Nick and I, we’ve got a lot of pull with Kevin. I know once he hears the whole story, he’ll see to it that you’re protected. You’ll leave here with Nick, and he’ll contact K and get you safely back to the HimTak headquarters in Nevada.”

“What about you?”

Brian sighed. “I’ve gotta stay here, pretend I don’t know anything about your whereabouts. If I disappear too, they’ll know I helped you.”

Nick cleared his throat. “Here, put this on,” he said, offering her a long, blonde Halloween wig from his shopping basket. She rolled her eyes, but took it out of its packaging and secured it on her head. While she did, he put on the gorilla mask he’d picked up for himself.

“You two better hope they don’t bust you for shoplifting on your way out,” warned Brian.

“Chill out, Country Boy; I’m not stupid. I paid for it,” said Nick. “I don’t wanna draw any more attention to us than we already will, but at least this way, if the Feds get a tip that we were here, they won’t get anything off the surveillance cameras in the parking lot. Nothing they can prove, anyway. By the way, here’s your disguise.”

He tossed Brian another package containing a huge, black seventies afro. Brian flashed him a look of deepest loathing, but reluctantly opened the package and pulled the wig over his wispy curls.

Nick started to snicker at once. When Brian glared, he said, “Hey, it suits you, man! I mean, you’re like four inches taller with that thing on! You’re almost as tall as me!”

“Better stop while you’re ahead, Carter,” Brian growled, “and get my girl outta here before I change my mind.”

“You got it, Richard Simmons. Come on, Blondie.” Nick reached out to take Opal’s hand, but Opal hesitated, turning pleading eyes upon Brian.

“Wait… Bri, are you sure about this? Have you really thought about the implications of-”

Brian stepped closer to her, so that they were face to face. Beneath the ridiculous ‘fro, his eyes were serious. “I’ve done a lot of thinking, and it all adds up to one thing: You’re getting in that car with Nick where you belong.”

Opal shook her head, tugging on the front of Brian’s jacket. “But Brian, no, I… I-”

“Now, you’ve gotta listen to me! You have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we’d both wind up in a federal prison. Isn’t that true, Nick?” He looked to Nick for back-up.

The gorilla head dipped in a nod. “I’m afraid the FBI would insist.”

“You’re saying this only to make me go,” accused Opal.

Brian’s reply was immediate. “I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong at HimTak with Nick. If that car leaves the parking lot, and you’re not in it, you’ll regret it…”

“No-”

“… Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”

Opal’s eyes had grown teary. “But what about us?”

“We’ll always have DC. We didn’t have… we almost lost us, until you came to Canada. We got it back then.”

“When I said I would never leave you,” whispered Opal.

Brian shook his head. “And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where you’re going, I can’t follow. What you’ve got to do, I can’t be any part of. Asha, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.”

“A hill of beans?” snorted Nick, interrupting their tearful exchange. “Where’d you pick up that expression, Country Boy?”

Brian ignored him. He only had eyes for Opal. “Someday,” he said, “you’ll understand that.” As her face fell, he reached out and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Now, now,” he murmured, tilting her face up to meet his. “Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.”

Nick cleared his throat. “We should get going. Everything’s in order.”

Brian looked at Opal. “Are you ready, Asha?”

Opal’s voice was suddenly stoic. “Yes, I’m ready.” She joined Nick at his side. “Goodbye, Brian. God bless you.”

Brian’s throat felt tight. “Better hurry so you’ll miss the Feds,” he said.

Without another word, Opal allowed Nick to take her hand, and the walked side by side to the door of the ladies’ room. Nick held it open for Opal, and they sidestepped the “CAUTION: Wet Floor” sign Brian had placed just outside the door, to give the impression that the restroom was being cleaned. He looked back once, and Brian said quickly, “Anyway, thanks for helping me out.”

“You owe me, you know,” said Nick, and Brian could imagine the big, smirky grin hidden by his gorilla mask. “First I saved your life, and now I’m saving your woman. But I’m sure you’ll be good for something someday.”

“Does that mean you’re officially no longer opposed to working with someone who works for the government?”

“Nah…” Nick shrugged. “I guess you’re all right, Rok.”

Brian smiled. “Nicky… I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

With that, he waved them off, watching from the shadows of the doorway as a man with a gorilla’s head and a woman with Rapunzel hair walked quickly out into the fluorescent lights and disappeared through the automatic sliding glass doors at the front of the store.


  
Catch Her If You Can: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
She looked around, into the night, as the two headed around the back of the store to a more secluded area, further away from the building. Her gaze skipped around, searching for a car, and saw nothing, really, but the southern countryside she so loved.

“Nick…”

He smirked. “Just wait for it, Opal.”

In his hands was a small remote. It lit up as his fingers stroked it, before pressing down a small, red button. Within minutes, she spied the customized, onyx 1953 Hudson Hornet that Brian had described to her in detail. It cruised to a stop before them, as the engine rumbled almost impatiently. She smiled to herself, remembering in amusement how Brian was actually jealous of the car, but would never ever admit that to anyone, not even himself.

Nick smiled with pride at his car as the doors opened for them.

“I thought you wrecked it in Canada?”

“Pearl’s a genius and fixed it for me.” He paused. “After she yelled at me for damaging it. If it happens again, I think she might end up castrating me for it.”

A nervous giggle came from Ashavari as the seatbelts were buckled, the disguises were tossed in the backseats, and Nick drove off towards the hotel. She glanced back out the window, and she could swear she saw Brian’s car driving away. She sighed sadly. How had everything gone wrong so fast? It felt like she’d just gotten Brian back, after nearly losing him in Canada. And now, just when things were finally back to normal for both of them, he was forced away by something she didn’t even understand.

Why did they think it was her? Just what had been stolen from the Library of Congress that the FBI had to get involved? Her mind scanned through what she knew for any clue as to what was going on. She had an idea that Brian did actually know what had been stolen, but hadn’t told Nick because he knew Nick would tell her, and he wouldn’t want Opal to worry.

“Hey, Opal…. Ooooopal…”

“Huh?” She turned to see Nick staring at her with concern. “Sorry, I’m just tired, Nick.”

He nodded, cutting off the engine. “We’re here. It’ll look weird to put those things back on…” His head motioned towards the backseat. “… so what we’ll do, just in case they remember I’m out here in DC working with Brian, is I’ll block you from the camera’s view. Just act like you’re my girl.”

“Act like I’m…”

Nick paused when he saw the look on her face. “No, we won’t do anything; I just don’t want any of the cameras getting anything incriminating. I’m banking on the fact that the FBI doesn’t realize HimTak’s out here to follow up on the Canada mess.”

Nick stepped out of the car and rushed over to her side, opening the door. “Keep your head tucked towards me.”

His arm wrapped around her, and they quickly hurried into the hotel. She kept her face alongside his neck, as he gripped her close. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied Nick smirking at the people in the hotel lobby, who watched them coming in. “Come on, baby… we don’t want everyone to see what we’re doing.”

Ashavari giggled, to play along with the ruse – and also at the furtive grin Nick shot her after saying that. He really was a better agent than Brian used to give him credit for. She shifted her head against his neck, simulating another action to throw people off, as they hopped in the elevator. She turned to move, but Nick inched his head both ways to silently negate that thought. “Elevator cameras,” he murmured as he nudged her over to the corner, keeping his back to the camera to block any solid view.

They reached their floor, and she kept her face against him, her hands rubbing his back and his along her arms to keep up the image. Nick was singing to himself yet again, which made her want to laugh. The man seemed to be a human jukebox.

“Meet me at the hotel room… You can bring your girlfriends and meet me at the hotel room… We at the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn… We at the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn…”

She laughed, as they were finally able to reach his room, and he let them in. Once in, the two separated, and she sat upon the bed, still laughing, despite the situation. “You have a song for everything, don’t you?”

Nick smirked as he pulled off his watch. “Pretty much. It’s a handy skill, you know.”

“What are you doing?”

“Contacting K through Pearl’s lab. I don’t trust the phones. They probably have Brian’s phone tapped and are getting his phone records.”

Opal nodded, as she took off her shoes and tried to relax, something she found rather difficult, especially as she thought of Brian, whom she ached to see right then. He was risking everything for her, and it touched her in ways she’d never be able to express. “They’ll do the same to your cell phone once they remember you.”

“Right; my watch is…”

“… the one that can’t tell time. Right.”

He stuck his tongue out at her, as he pressed buttons upon the normal-looking watch in a careful, methodical way. “No one ever forgets that, but yeah. It’s also a communicator to HimTak.” A tiny screen arose from the watch, which had been upgraded recently, though it still couldn’t tell time. Pearl’s face appeared, and she was holding some sort of shoe in her hand. Why? Nick could only guess what idea she currently had in her head.

“What’s up, Blondie Boy?”

“I need you to connect me to K.”

“Now, Nick? Something’s come up, I think, ‘cause he’s been in his office and called Jay up there about an hour ago-”

“Vital, Pearly. We’ve got a problem here.”

“Okay, give it a sec.”

“Aight. Hey, you still mad at me?”

“No. Do I ever stay mad at you?”

He smiled; she had a point. “True.”

“Connecting you to K.” Within seconds, the agitated, jade eyes of his superior met his vision. Pearl hadn’t been kidding when she’d been trying to tell him it was a bad time. A quick glance at Opal, who was now trying to distract herself by watching TV – and failing miserably – reminded him of how important it was.

“008, I swear if you’re on to complain about Brian-”

“No, someone’s framed Opal.”

“-I swear I’ll make you work with him so – wait, say that again, Carter?”

Nick waved Opal over; she sat next to him, peering into the screen. Leaning over Nick, she was able to peek her face into K’s view. “Hello, Kevin, nice to see you again.” A faint smile followed.

“Just what did you do, 008?”

Nick rolled his eyes. It figured, he’d get blamed. “I didn’t do anything, K. The Feds showed up at Brian’s place. Damn government. And because of that…”

“Don’t say anything more. Not there, anyway; it’s not secure enough. This must be what Brian phoned me about.”

Nick raised a brow, instantly curious as to how the Kentucky cousins were able to talk when it seemed obvious Brian’s phones would have already been tapped. It was Opal who voiced the thought first, however. “How did he do that? I mean, any competent agent would’ve hit the lines…”

“A pay phone around the back of the grocery store. He made sure to be cautious, of course. His exact words were, ‘Hey, I missed you, cuz. Nick’s anxious to see you. He’s having family trouble.’ So I knew something had gone down with you that involved him. I was hoping it wasn’t serious. Damn.”

“What, what else?”

“I think it might be mixed in with our latest mission. Get your rear here, 008, ASAP.”

“I need transport. They’ll probably connect it to me by morning and track my car.”

“We’ll send one of the helicopters. Five o’clock.”

“Why you gotta make it so early?” He heard Opal chuckle at this, reminding him of the other thing K had said. “And wait, what latest mission?”

“You’ll find out once you get here. It’s all connected. I know that now.” With that, the connection ceased, and Nick was left staring at a blank screen. “I hate when he does that,” he muttered.

Opal glanced at Nick as he fiddled with his watch. “So he knows what’s going on?”

“K always does.”


  


Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Legs. Sexy. Sexy. Legs.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Nick’s eyes followed the small routine of the pair of legs right across him religiously. They were crossed, and the owner of them kept tapping one foot rhythmically to the ticking of the clock on the wall. They were beautifully accessorized with a pair of black high heels. He wasn’t one to give a damn about women’s fashion, and, to be perfectly honest, he mostly liked them with nothing more than underwear and preferably even less, but he had to admit that this was the sexiest pair of legs he’d ever seen, made even sexier by the high heels. He could imagine his hand stroking her ankle slowly and making his way upwards, inch by inch. Up to the knee... to the thigh…

“Aren’t they gorgeous?” Diamond sighed dreamily as she stared at her feet. Nick nodded absent-mindedly, half-hearing what she’d said. Gorgeous legs, for sure.

“I have to get Pearl a good birthday present as a thank you,” she chirped. “These are the best shoes ever! And the secret weapon she installed in them is just superb.” She lifted her right foot up towards Nick. “See the heel?” she questioned, seeing Nick nodding absently from the corner of her eye. “It’s a gun. All I need to do is take it off and hold it like a pistol, and then I can shoot with it.”

“Awesome,” Nick mumbled, his blue eyes still fixed on Diamond’s beautifully-shaped legs.

Diamond lowered her foot and looked lovingly to her shoes. “I’ll wear these forever.”

Nick nodded again, without taking his eyes off of Diamond’s legs. Amen to that.

Their boss cleared his throat loudly, which was enough to make Nick snap out of his dream world and come down to Earth, almost unwillingly. He shook his head slowly, as the image of the room changed from Diamond’s bedroom to K’s office. Nick groaned as he looked around, his eyes stopping on the newest Double-0 in the room, Leo DiCaprio, who wanted to be known as Vitruvian. Nick followed Leo’s gaze, only to realize that his eyes were fixated on the same target: Diamond’s sexy legs.

“Great,” Nick muttered inwardly as he sat up straight in his seat. Why was 009 in the briefing anyway?

“So I see everyone is ready for the debriefing.” K spoke sternly, looking directly at Nick. His expression said too much, and Nick could read it easily. This time around, his message was very clear: “Don’t mix business with pleasure. Period.”

“Alright, I’ll start,” Kevin continued. “As we all know, something was stolen from the National Library’s restricted level in Washington just a night ago. We now have confirmation on what it was.” Kevin stopped for a second and eyed the agents and their guest, sitting around in his office. “It was the President’s Book.”

“What?!” Nick and Diamond replied in unison, their eyes widened with shock.

“Great. Just great. Like being accused of stealing something from National Library wasn’t bad enough, it HAD to be the President’s Book. Unbelievable.” Opal spoke from her corner, her face flushed with anger. “Just freaking unbelievable.”

Kevin nodded knowingly. “And as you have all noticed, we also have a guest here today. Ashavari Desai is being accused by the FBI of being behind the theft.”

“How do we know that?” Leo questioned.

“Because the thief was impersonating her, and she made sure that her face was exposed to the security cams around the library so the FBI would come after Ashavari and they could get away easily.”

“No offense, honey…” Diamond eyed Opal sympathetically before she turned her attention back to K. “… but how do we know that it wasn’t really her who stole the President’s Book?”

“You’re right to question that, Desiree. Well, we know it wasn’t her because she was with my cousin, Brian Littrell, the very same night of the theft.” Kevin cleared his throat; it was quite obvious that he wanted to explain more, but didn’t know how to. “But since Brian is the only witness, and he and Ashavari are, well, specially linked with each other, the FBI doesn’t totally believe it.”

Nick eyed Diamond, who was smiling innocently, but with a devilish expression in her eyes. Her smile grew wider and matched the look in her eyes when she caught Nick’s gaze. Nick could barely stifle his laugh – who other than K would have said “specially linked” to refer to his cousin and his girlfriend? Their boss was endearing when it came to the subject of love.

“Back to the subject of the theft… I thought the President’s Book was just a myth?” Leo spoke, taking the others’ attention back to the main conversation.

“Well, it’s never been officially confirmed, but it’s always been said that there’s a book with all the juicy secrets of the government...” Diamond replied, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Man… the minute we have our hands on that book, I’m so going to read that bad boy, cover to cover. Alien cover-ups… the Kennedy assassination conspiracy… oh, and speaking of JFK – what about him and Marilyn...?” Nick grinned, wiggling his eyebrows just like Diamond had.

K sent him a stern look, one of the many that he’d been giving him since the start of the debriefing. His eyes widened in disbelief when he heard Agent Jay snickering beside him.

“May I ask something?” It was Nick’s trainee, Chris, who went by the alias Styx, who spoke up timidly. He had been observing and listening to the others through the debriefing, but now he asked, “What is the President’s Book?”

Grateful that someone was actually still focused on the subject of the mission, K turned his attention to his new recruit, Styx.

“The President’s Book of Secrets is said to be a collection of documents prepared by the presidents, for presidents’ eyes only. Allegedly, the book covers and contains many secrets about notorious events that occurred in the past.”

“Such as?” Styx probed.

“JFK and Marilyn.” Nick grinned devilishly, only to receive another stern look from K.

“Too many to name. Basically, all the stuff about Watergate, 9/11, the JFK assassination, Area 51...”

“Are we in it?” Diamond questioned.

K sighed. “Probably we are. Of course, if it exists.”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious it does exist if it’s been stolen from the Library of Congress. You can’t risk your life to steal something that’s not real,” Agent Jay replied.

K nodded in agreement. “Anyhow, FBI is behind the thief as well, but all their evidence points to Ashavari. We have to be one step ahead of them and find the real thief as soon as possible. In the meantime, she’s going to be our guest.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Opal chimed in, as she looked directly at K, “but I think it’s important for me to be a part of this mission. I appreciate the hospitality, but I don’t want to sit back, doing nothing, while there’s a person out there who’s acting like me and stealing top secret documents.”

K fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t really think that’s a good idea, Ashavari. Brian would-“

“I know what Brian thinks.” Her voice was full with determination. “But he knows me better than that. I just can’t sit around, especially when your own agents are throwing themselves out there for me. I have to be on the field. Please.”

Brian had definitely been understating when he’d complained about how stubborn his girlfriend was. K eyed Agent Jay out of the corner of his eye.

Getting the message from one simple look by his boss, Jay spoke for the first time. “Actually, I believe we could find a way to send you out in the field, without the risk of getting caught.” It was something he and K had been discussing beforehand, anyway. “You can go in disguise.” He smiled when Opal’s face softened with hope. “Of course, we’ll need to change your appearance and get you a fake ID, but that won’t be too much of a hassle. Right, K?”

Leaning back in his chair, with his arms crossed on his chest, K kept his silence. His eyes darted from Agent Jay to Opal, who was looking directly into his eyes with the same fortitude. Jay’s solution was logical and safe; they had used the same method for their own agents, and it had almost always worked out fine. But still, something didn’t feel right. He blamed his own sense of responsibility; Brian had sent Opal to HimTak, to his agency, knowing she’d be in good hands. It was K’s job to protect her, no matter what. Sending her out on a mission, one they couldn’t begin to predict the course of, seemed downright dangerous. And it felt like he was betraying Brian’s trust. His green met Opal’s again. Not the slightest bit of hesitation or fear.

As much as he hated to admit it, K knew he couldn’t tie her down.

“I don’t like the sound of it.” His voice was solemn when he finally spoke, looking directly at Opal. “Disguises work most of the time, but I still think it could get dangerous for you. But I also know you won’t take no for an answer.”

Opal smiled genuinely. “Thank you, Agent K.”

“Speaking of which…” K raised his voice and turned his attention to Nick. “Jay and I both think you should go under some kind of disguise as well, 008.”

“Me?” Nick was surprised. “Why do I need that? Gorilla head worked out just fine!”

“FBI knows you and Brian were working together on a case in DC when the book was stolen. Now, they didn’t know you were with Brian when the Feds came to his house to take Opal into custody, but they may find out. You’re not a suspect yet, but they have you on their radar; that’s all we know. So it’s safer for you to go in disguise.”

Nick scoffed. “Stupid FBI; they can’t prove anything. And they can’t take me into custody just because I happened to be in DC-”

“I can discharge you from the mission, if that’s what you want.”

Nick went silent and glared at K, who, in return, gave a brief nod. “That’s what I thought.”

“What about Brian?” Nick piped up, deciding not to prolong the disguising issue. “He’ll be joining us once we hit DC, right?”

K eyed Opal at the mention of Brian’s name and then glanced at his fellow agents before answering Nick. “Unfortunately not. The FBI is still keeping him under suspicion. They believe Brian helped Opal to escape, and since they don’t have any other leads, other than the security cam images, they are sure Opal is the sole perpetrator of the theft and Brian is guilty of harboring a fugitive of the law.” He let out a sigh as he finished his sentence.

“Bullshit,” Nick muttered under his breath, as the others kept their silence and tried not to make eye contact with Opal.

“We don’t have time to discuss whether it’s right or not. I don’t like the idea of having my own family under suspicion, but we have to get going and find the real criminal before it gets worse. So…” He looked down at his papers. “Nick, AJ, Leo, and Desiree: you’re going to be working on this mission together. And Nick, Chris will come as well – he’s proven he’s able to handle being in the field.”

Nick nodded. A month ago, he’d have groaned, but Styx had done as well as he could expect in Canada. No, he hadn’t been able to take down Rough or Drums, either, but at least he’d managed not to get himself killed. That was something in itself.

K was continuing, “You’ll be working in two teams: Nick, Desiree, and Chris will be in one team, and Jay, Leo, and Opal on the other.”

As he caught this last part, Nick’s face beamed. “Ha!” He smirked back at Leo, who was pouting now. “Right back at ya, 009!”

Diamond’s soft giggle caught his attention, and when he turned to look at her, he noticed the small movement of her lips. “Lucky you.”

Oh, he was lucky indeed. This was going to be one hell of a mission.


  
Catch Her If You Can: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
“So, why are we splitting up for this? Why can’t we all just go together?” Nick asked – not that he wanted to go with everyone, but there had to be some reason they were dividing up.

“Here’s the thing: There have been other thefts of priceless books in China, Australia, and Peru. We’re beginning to think they’re connected. We need to go to the places the books have been stolen from and see if we can find any clues as to who’s doing this and why. I want you all to go down to Pearl’s lab; you’ll find out there why we‘re separating you all up into teams,” K explained.

“You can’t just tell us now?” Nick questioned. He was whining, he knew, but he wanted to know.

K blanched. “If I could tell you now, I would… Well, that’s not true; I could, but I don’t wanna, so go to Pearl’s lab, Carter. And quit whining; I hate it when you whine.”

Nick rolled his eyes and followed the others out of the room. They made their way into Pearl’s lab, everyone crowding around Pearl, who was sitting at one of her computer monitors.

“So, we’re here to find out why we’re all splitting up to do this mission. What do you have for us, Pearl?” Jay asked, leaning in close to the monitor.

“Well, I was able to get into the FBI’s database, lousy security and all…” Pearl started.

Nick smirked. “It’s a wonder they’re able to keep anything a secret.”

Pearl grinned, before turning back to the monitor. She opened a few folders and pulled up what appeared to be some sort of passage from something.

Jay squinted at the writing. “What’s that?”

“It’s some kind of clue that was found by the FBI inside the National Library.”

They all leaned in closer, looking at the writing.

HRYTONAHARA AT,L RPOKARAGAAN,SOLL IEANITARA OINC OTA,A AG-SASNA OA OTAD ALSRI. 'BCNCMMRSNFÈNCII A A MC -TAHD 'PINELADRHDS GSDR I HIED AR' UGENBN AHARAU R“GC ULARCAIGACRI ELC.AR INDD I ''IE EGIHO I ULIN AI EUL ER I 'ADOAHBIEG 'TIH“D I 'DRSD RSACO-HÀD A “A U A I HI UMRMRIDIIHASEC OA ENTAT OCAA,AU AAARDERAHHRYSLIHA ONCBSI GSEDESAHASI I HRN 'HOSBAAH

Nick frowned. “What the hell is that?”

“No idea. I’m not sure if it’s trying to tell them something, or if it’s just some random whatever. Though I can’t imagine it’s just random… you don’t just all of a sudden write something out in a different language or code or whatever without trying to make some kind of point. It looks, though, like the FBI are trying to connect it back to you, Opal, because there’s no prints or DNA evidence or anything,” Pearl finished, looking over at Opal. “Do you recognize that language?”

Opal rubbed at her forehead for a moment before shaking her head. “It’s not a language. It’s definitely a code; the letters are rearranged. I should be able to break it, but it’s going to take time.”

Pearl nodded her head. “So… that’s why you guys are splitting up. We need one group to go and investigate to see if there are other clues and the other group to check out the crime scenes in other countries. We can try to get everything taken care of faster with two groups, instead of one large group looking into one thing at a time.”

Everyone nodded and started chatting amongst themselves.

“We’ve got Opal, so we’ll work on the clues,” Jay decided. “Opal, how long you think it’ll take to crack it?”

“It’s hard to say,” replied Opal. “It’s a matter of finding the right key, the key to the code. And even once we decipher what it says, we still may not know what it means.”

“Well, then I have a thought. K mentioned three other countries where similar crimes have been committed – China, Australia, and Peru. Maybe we should both start investigating the crime scenes, until Opal can crack this thing. We may find other evidence that will help.”

“We’ll go Down Under,” Nick immediately volunteered. He winked at Styx. “Good surfin’, mate!”

“Then we’ll start in China,” said Jay. “I’ve always wanted to get an authentic Chinese character tattooed…” he added, patting his arm. “You never can tell if they really mean what the tattoo artists here tell you they mean.”

“Roll up your sleeve; let me see,” said Opal. Jay pushed back his sleeve to expose his right forearm. She took a minute to study the three Chinese characters inked there. “It looks like… ‘crazy bear’?” She raised her eyebrows at Jay. “Is that what you wanted it to say?”

He nodded. “Yep, that sounds right. Good to know.”

“Why…?” Opal started to ask, but Jay cut her off.

“Everyone get ready; we leave tomorrow. Nick and Opal, will you stay behind a sec, please?”

As everyone else filed out, Nick and Opal looked at each other and then over at Jay. “What’s up, Jay?”

“We need to get you two in disguise. Opal, I’ll take care of your look, and Nick, I’ve recruited someone special for you…”

Just then, Lancy walked in.

“Oh no…” Nick moaned.

“He was the first one to volunteer, Nick. He’s assured me he’s good with this kind of thing. Besides, we need you to look totally different than what you normally do. Just go with it. Plus, it‘ll be easier for me to have someone to help; it‘ll take too long if I have to take are of the both of you.”

Lancy grinned. “I’m gonna work wonders on you, Nick. I’ve got so many fabulous ideas and so many different things we can try. Just look at all the stuff I brought!”

Nick sighed heavily, glaring at Jay.

“Feel free to use whatever you’d like, Jay. What’s mine is yours…” Lancy smiled.

“Thank you, Lancybassy; appreciate it,” Jay stated, starting to look through his beauty supplies, motioning for Opal to sit in one of the chairs.

“Uh, Jay, do you know what you’re doing?” Opal asked uneasily, as she watched him pick up a box of hair dye.

“Absolutely. It’s one of my many hidden talents,” Jay explained, holding the box up against her face to see how the color would go with her complexion.

“Nick, honey, you sit right there. We’re going to start, first of all, with a nice facial scrub and exfoliation, and from there, we’ll do your hair and clothes and… ohh, I’m so excited!” Lancy exclaimed.

Nick’s eyes widened, and he looked over at Opal, mouthing the words ‘help me!’ to her. She winced, standing, as Jay pulled her out of the chair and into the bathroom. He turned to look at Lancy, who was once again staring at him as if he were a grade A steak.

A short time later, Nick had been scrubbed, buffed, and polished. His face felt surprisingly smooth and soft, which was a dramatic improvement from how it normally felt.

“Oh, you just look too good to not keep this up! I think we should schedule monthly – no, weekly visits. I can come over to your dorm for a full facial treatment. We can do a facial peel and eventually work into a body peel and…” Lancy was practically squealing, his eyes shining.

Nick shook his head vehemently. “No, no, that’s okay.”

“Aww, pretty please? With whipped cream on top?”

“It’s fine, really.”

“Well… at least promise me you’ll keep it up on your own, and if you ever need help, or if you have questions, call me!” Lancy pleaded, licking his lips.

“Uh, sure. Whatever you say,” Nick stated, shifting in his chair.

Lancy sighed. “It’ll have to do. We’ll get started on the hair. Come on, into the bathroom.”

“What about my hair?”

“We’re going to change it, of course. Those luscious locks, anyone would recognize. I’m just gonna give you a bit of a change, honey, darken it up a bit, frost the tips. You’ll still be the man we all know and… love, of course – just a different you. A newer you. A… mmm… greater you.”

Nick cleared his throat. “Is this all really necessary?”

“Absolutely, sweetie. You just trust Lancy. You’re gonna look like a billion bucks.”

Nick smiled weakly. “I think it’s a million bucks. I’ll look like a million bucks.”

“Oh, no, no, you already do. I’m just taking it to another level.” Lancy winked.

Nick sighed.


± ± ±


An hour later, Nick emerged from the bathroom. His hair had been colored brown with blonde tips, and in his eyes, he wore green contacts. He looked at his clothes; some awful skinny jeans with a salmon-colored shirt and blue tie completed the look. It looked nice, but it so wasn’t his style. He adjusted the fake glasses on his nose and turned to look at Lancy.

“You look FAB-U-LOUS!” trilled Lancy, doing jazz hands. “They say clothes make the man, but honey, they haven’t seen you!”

Nick nodded. “Yeah… uh, thanks, Lancy.”

“I knew that carnation pink shirt would look great on you!”

“Actually, it’s not pink; it’s salmon.”

“Well, well, look at you, Nick.” Jay smiled, making his way out of the women’s bathroom.

Nick glared at him.

“I like the hair, I have to say, and the clothes… well, it looks like you just stepped off the runway.” Jay nodded his approval.

Lancy beamed and clapped his hands. “He does, doesn’t he? I thought I’d go for something a bit more modern… more hip. He really does look great.”

“It takes a real man to wear pink, ya know,” Jay chuckled.

“It’s not pink! It’s salmon,” Nick grated out.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you say, man.” Jay laughed.

“Anyway… where’s Opal?”

“Right here,” she said, making her way out of the bathroom behind Jay.

Nick’s eyes widened. “Whoa!”

Gone was her dark brown hair, now lightened to a golden blonde and swept up into a simple, yet elegant bun. Her exotic eyes were now lavender. She wore a pencil skirt and blouse; she looked like a lawyer. The kind of lawyer who made you want to file a lawsuit, just to seek her representation.

“Wow, you look great,” Nick sighed.

She smiled. “Well, thanks. It’s not me, but for now, it’ll have to do. You don’t look too bad yourself; I really like the pink shirt.”

Nick frowned. “It’s not pink; it’s… ya know what? Never mind.”


± ± ±


Jay was tired and desperately wanted to be done with this interview so he could get back to the hotel and finally get some rest. It seemed days ago that K had assigned the groups, and Lancy had put Nick in that ridiculous pink shirt. The three-hour flight to New York and then the fourteen-hour flight to Beijing had not made things easier.

Leaning his head forward, Jay rubbed the back of his neck and sighed in frustration. He had lost count somewhere along the way, but he was sure this was quite possibly the thirtieth interview he’d conducted. Whoever this thief was, they were ballsy enough to steal an item from a heavily populated building, and it seemed everyone wanted to give their version of what had happened.

“What did you see?” Leo asked. Jay was surprised at how relaxed and undeterred he seemed after hours of interviews.

“I don’t know if it’s any help, but I saw a woman sneaking around doors marked ‘personnel only.’” Jay sat up straighter, a bit surprised this interviewee spoke with an American accent. “I brought my Nai Nai here to work out some governmental problems she was having with the location…”

“Sir, I hate to interrupt, but can we get back to the woman?” Jay interrupted, anxious to get something from this person that might actually be useful – that, and Leo had whispered to him during the man’s answer that this was the last interview.

“Sure, she was wearing a red trench coat and a wide-brimmed hat. I thought it was strange since, you know, the weather here is very balmy, and she was inside; everyone else removed their hat when they passed through the doors – not to mention, it was red, and she stood out to me, at least.”

“That’s all you can tell us?”

“I watched her go through a door and then appear maybe fifteen minutes later from the same door. Her trench coat appeared to be bulging this time. I would have said something, but our number was called, and my Nai Nai was moving towards the entrance.” The man folded his fingers together and sat looking at the two agents. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help.”

Jay nodded and pulled out his laptop, as Leo dismissed the man. “Well, that was the most information we got all day, and it was next to nothing.” Leo groaned, as he watched Jay log onto the video conference feed with K and Nick. He hoped that Nick would have more to bring to the table with his investigation in Australia.

“What were you able to determine, Jay?” K’s voice echoed through the interview room they’d been allotted at the National Library of China in Beijing, from which the most complete surviving copy of the Yongle Encyclopedia had been stolen. Written during the Ming Dynasty in the 1400s, it had been one of the earliest and the largest general encyclopedias. Still, tired and irritable, Jay couldn’t help but wonder, What would the thief want with an old encyclopedia written in Chinese? Out loud, he answered, “The only viable description of the thief we received has her looking like Carmen Sandiego.”

“Well then, be on the lookout for V.I.L.E henchmen, and make sure your Almanac is up-to-date,” Nick joked.

“Were you able to ascertain anything different, Nick?” K said, not missing a beat, unaware of the “joke” Nick had made.

Nick, who had started humming the all-too-familiar “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” theme, cleared his throat and answered, “Jay got more information with his Carmen Sandiego look-alike then I was able to get. Nobody saw anything. In fact, nobody knew they were missing for quite some time, as it appears our thief swapped the originals for copies. It wasn’t until the Archbishop of Sydney, George Pell, came through with a group of students from the seminary that they were identified as fakes. We have no clue how long the originals have been missing.”

“What’s going on with the investigation into Opal?” Leo asked, unable to keep silent any longer.

“It’s still going strong. My sources tell me they’ve been investigating every location she’d been assigned to and checking her travel log with the time line of events as they know them.”

“Have I moved to a suspect yet, or am I just suspicious still?” Nick asked with a smirk on his face, obviously pleased that the Untied States government was inept at even figuring out what to classify him as.

“Be thankful they only see you as suspicious, Nick. Last thing we need is government agents trying to delve into the secrets of HimTak. If some of our clients found that out, we would no longer be in business.”

Jay nodded in agreement. “How’s Brian holding up?”

“He’s doing everything he can to keep himself busy and his mind off of Opal. There isn’t much he can do, since the Feds don’t want him to get involved, so the CIA is actually cooperating, and they put him on a pretty lowbrow case, which is not getting his full attention; he’s distracted.”

“I can imagine.”

“See what else you can discover. Maybe Opal has made progress. I’ll keep you informed of any changes on this end. Contact me if you make any progress.” With that, K signed off.

“He didn’t even say goodbye.” Nick sniffed.

“Goodbye, Nick.” Jay smiled and severed the connection.

“We should get back. It’s late, and I doubt the Chinese government will be willing to let us poke around in the bowels of the library here tonight.” Jay stood up, grabbed the laptop, and cuffed Leo’s shoulder.

It wasn’t a long trip back to the hotel, but Leo wanted to stop for some food. Jay couldn’t argue; he was hungry, and he was sure Opal would be thankful. Bogged down with food cartons, Leo almost dropped them when he felt his phone vibrate in his pants. Juggling the items carefully, he was able to pull his phone out and flip it open.

“Hello?” he asked, unsure of who could be calling him now.

“Leo, I got it!” a woman’s voice screeched into the phone.

“Opal?” Leo asked. “What are you…”

“I figured out part of the clue!” she interrupted, too excited to wait for Leo to finish his sentence. “It’s a code, of course, but every code-breaking technique I employed only came up with gibberish. Well, I was staring at it with some movie on the TV playing for background noise, when I looked up to see what was going on and noticed the subtitles were on, in Chinese!” She paused, expecting Leo to understand where she was going with this. “It hit me – the clue is in another language and encoded! Now that I’ve figured that out, it’s just a simple matter of solving the code and seeing if the words make sense in any language spoken.” Opal sighed, pleased with herself.

“Opal, that’s great, but you used your cell phone?”

“Well, of course; the hotel phone would charge long distance.”

“Opal, your cell…”

“… is being tracked… shit.”


± ± ±


The J. Edgar Hoover building was just starting to buzz with activity, but the two FBI agents working on the Ashavari Desai case had pulled an all-nighter.

They were desperately trying to catch a lead, afraid to go to their superior to tell him that any trace of the wanted woman had gone cold after they’d visited Brian Littrell’s residence. For awhile, they’d thought they had a hot streak and would catch her in only a matter of time, but as the hours wore on, they were grasping at straws.

“I still think we need to investigate that Carter kid.” The man wearing a military style haircut looked up and over at the man lounging back in his chair, fedora hat over his eyes. “Hank!” the man yelled out.

“What?” The other man stretched, allowing the hat to fall to the floor.

“I said I think we need to investigate that Carter kid.” The Boston accent in his voice was apparent as he spoke. “I get the feeling he’s hiding something.”

“Tom, you think everyone is hiding something.” Hank rubbed his nose and searched his desk for a coffee cup with any of the caffeinated liquid inside.

“…they really scraped the bottom of the barrel…” Tom mumbled to himself.

“What was that?” Hank asked.

Tom did not answer. Instead, he busied himself punching something into his computer and focusing on that. Hank shrugged and went to the coffee maker, grabbing another cup and a doughnut, a jelly one, taking a bite and dripping the red jelly down his front.

“Damn...” he muttered, wiping at it pointlessly with his napkin.

“Shit, I don’t believe this.” Tom started at his screen. “Gotcha!” He sat back and punched more keys on his keyboard.

“What?” Hank asked, mouth full of doughnut.

“I got a hit on her cell phone GPS. The gal must have turned it on and, even better, used it without thinking. We got a hit.” His fingers furiously flew across the keyboard, honing in on the location of the cell tower that had caught the signal used by Ashavari’s phone. Hank watched as Tom’s face moved from stoic to slightly less so; it must have been good.

“I hope you have an overnight back packed, Hank. Grab your passport; we’re headed ta China.” Tom stood, grabbing the coat off the back of his chair and making his way to the exit. Hank continued to sit in disbelief that he was being asked to give up his doughnut and coffee this early to go to China, of all places. Sensing his hesitation, Tom turned back to the man assigned to work with him. “They do got coffee at the airport.”

Groaning, Hank stood and followed the man out of the office, knowing he was going to regret the actions that had led him to be assigned this case.


± ± ±


Leo walked through the lobby of the hotel, a paper bag in his arms, holding the take-out dinner that he, Jay, and Opal had ordered. He looked closely at every person he passed by, careful not to draw any attention to himself, but still observant enough to watch out for any threats. He stopped in his tracks as he heard some familiar words – although in a mostly foreign language to him.

“Excuse me, miss, but we’re with the United States government,” a man’s voice said in broken Mandarin to the young woman at the reception desk Leo was in the midst of passing. He calmly and quickly walked over to the nearest of the large decorative columns and hid behind it, still listening in on the conversation. Leo silently praised himself for at least beginning to learn Mandarin Chinese, the only knowledge that helped him discern the words “United States Government” from the man’s introduction.

“Hello, sir, how may I help you?” the girl replied courteously with much smoother pronunciation.

“Have you seen this woman?” the man asked, and Leo could tell he was showing the girl a picture of Opal.

“No, sir, no girl like that has been here,” the girl answered.

The men sighed, and Leo took this opportunity to pull out his cell phone and call Jay.

“Jay here,” the agent answered.

“It’s Leo. The Feds are here; they’re asking at the front desk about Opal.”

“Shit!” Jay muttered, and Leo heard Opal’s voice in the background asking what was going on. “How did they get here so quickly?”

“My guess is they’re field agents,” Leo replied, still watching the agents out of the corner of his eye. They seemed to be asking the girl to search the guest database for recent check-ins, with very limited success. “The FBI has offices all over the world. All the U.S. office would need to do is make a call, and the field office could send someone out right away.”

“So what’s our escape plan gonna be?”

“I wouldn’t recommend coming down here right now. There’s one guy at the front desk, and I think there’s another one going around asking guests if they’ve seen anything. Not sure how many others could be around here.”

“Damnit,” Jay cursed under his breath again, before a solution struck him. “I think I have an idea how to get rid of them. Just meet us outside and keep an eye out. We’ll meet you there just after the agents leave.”

“How are you gonna-?”

“Just trust me. We don’t have many options, and this one has the best chance of working. We’ll be there.”

“Okay…” Leo replied uneasily. “See you in a few.” He waited until Jay hung up and then casually exited the lobby and kept a keen eye out for any sign of his traveling companions.


± ± ±


Meanwhile, up in the hotel room, Jay was filling Opal in on the details she missed while he pulled the bedspread off of the bed and fashioned it into a disguise. Opal watched in amazement as he wrapped it around her, ripping off pieces that were just the right size and tying them in just the right spots. When he was done, she appeared to be wearing a kimono, and after rummaging through the bathroom, he was able to find the supplies he needed to decorate her face to make her look like a geisha. Jay then guided her to the bed, just in time for someone to knock impatiently at the door.

“Kinda busy in here!” Jay called, whispering a stage direction in Opal’s ear quickly, so as not to spook her too much when he climbed on top of her, moments before the door burst open, and two men in suits stood in the doorway. “Jeez, can’t you guys wait a few minutes?!”

“What’s going on in here?” one of the two men asked, startled.

“Isn’t it a bit obvious?” Jay replied with a nod at Opal, who widened her eyes to silently express her surprise. “Look, unless my watch is broken or something, would you guys mind clearing out? I paid her upfront for the hour, and my time is almost up. Can you at least let a fella finish?”

The men looked at each other and exchanged annoyed looks. “Sorry, sir. Um, enjoy your… entertainment,” the second of the two men said, as the each tipped their hats and left the room.

“Believe me, I will!” Jay called, waiting until the door clicked shut behind them and he estimated they were at least halfway down the hall before he quickly jumped off the bed, causing it to bounce a bit and Opal to giggle in amusement, as she removed the makeshift kimono carefully. She laid it out on the bed and admired it for a few moments.

“Remind me to call on you the next time I have a wardrobe emergency…” Opal remarked with a smirk.

“Happy to help, doll,” he told her, as he pulled back the curtains on the large window and grunted as he struggled to slide the window open, “but right now, I could use a hand so we can escape before they figure us out.”


± ± ±


As they walked down the hall to return to the lobby and resume their line of questioning at the front desk, the FBI agents laughed at how awkward the situation was that they had just found themselves in.

“But hey, man, that geisha was quite a pretty one. Wonder where he found her…” the agent in the brown hat commented. He gave his partner a confused look, as he abruptly stopped before getting into the elevator that had just opened in front of them.

“Yeah, me too… since we’re in China, and geishas are from Japan…” he said slowly, as the agents turned to face each other for a moment before tearing down the hall, nearly passing the door they needed before they stopped and kicked it open.

They sighed as they saw the wind blowing the curtain. The window was open, the kimono was on the bed, and the couple they’d had in their grasp for the briefest of moments was gone.


± ± ±


Opal thanked Leo as he helped steady her, once she and Jay had reached the ground. Jay was thankful he’d been wearing his leather grappling hook belt, which he’d used to help himself and Opal repel down the face of the building quickly. There was some kind of festival happening in the city, and with a parade going on in the street below, no one had noticed the people practically climbing down the side of a large hotel.

“Well, aren’t you just full of fashionable surprises,” Opal complimented Jay.

“Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t be prepared and look sexy at the same time,” Jay said with a wink.

“That’s great, but I think we better find ourselves some new disguises or a fast way to get out of here before we get caught,” Leo advised. The trio looked around frantically for any sign of a cab or bus that they could sneak onto and make their great escape, but to no avail – traffic was blocked due to the parade. Then Opal spotted something right before her very eyes that was perfect.

“Boys, I think I’ve solved both of our problems…” She grinned as she pointed at the long dragon puppet dancing down the street, at least a dozen pairs of legs peeking out underneath it as the performers walked it through the parade. They chuckled, as she pulled them along, waiting until the perfect moment to slide under the creature and use it to march along to safety.


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
“You think you could ride in a kangaroo’s pouch?” asked Nick, holding up a small, stuffed kangaroo wearing a t-shirt that said AUSTRALIA. “I always thought that would be sweet.”

“I think it’d be nasty, dawg,” Styx replied, wrinkling his nose. “That’s where the baby kangaroo develops – it’d be like ridin’ around in a chick’s uterus!”

“Like we haven’t all done that before,” Diamond said dryly, looking up from her phone just long enough to roll her eyes at her two male companions.

“Well, you know what I mean!” spluttered Styx. “It’s probably all full of… fluids and goopy shit.”

“Ew.” Diamond made a face before turning back to her phone. Nick turned back to the touristy merchandise.

They were killing time at a gift shop near their gate at the Melbourne Airport, waiting to board their flight to Lima, Peru, to investigate the disappearance of several antique books. Nick hoped they would have better luck there than they had in Australia. They’d found no leads on the theft of the Gospels of St. Luke and St. John, an eighth-century text on loan from Cambridge, England. It appeared to have been stolen without a trace from the State Library Victoria in Melbourne. The English were going to be as pissed as the Aussies if their precious book wasn’t found and returned.

Hell, I would be too, thought Nick, his mind on the President’s Book. All that information, including – probably – details on HimTak itself, in the hands of a crook. How long would it take, he wondered, for the secrets to start spilling?

He was startled out of his thoughts by the familiar beep of his watch. Looking down, he pressed the button that raised the miniature video screen, which showed Agent K sitting behind his desk. “Double-0s,” K began brusquely, as Diamond and Styx looked in over each of Nick’s shoulders. “Our globetrotting book bandit has struck again! This time, she’s ‘borrowed’ Beowulf from the British Library in London. More specifically, she’s nabbed the Nowell Codex, a book dating back to the first millennia, which contains the unique manuscript of Beowulf, as well as four other texts. Your mission, Double-0s: bring Beowulf back to Britain, and catch the crook who took the book!”

Nick cocked his head. “K, when did you start speaking in rhyme?”

“Never mind that, 008,” snapped K, stern as ever. “Now fly to London and find that felon!”

“It’s really more alliteration than rhyme, what he’s using,” said Diamond thoughtfully, as the video screen descended back into Nick’s watch.

“Huh?”

“Never mind. We’d better head to the airline counter and tell them we need to fly to London, not Lima. I hope there’s not a fee for changing flight plans this late.”

Nick chuckled. “If there’s a fine, it’s on K’s dime. And hey, guess what – that almost rhymed!”

“You’re like K: a poet, and you don’t know it,” Diamond quipped with a smile.

“Oh, trust me.” Nick winked. “I know it.”


± ± ±


“The other team’s headed to London,” Jay told Leo and Opal, as they sat around their newest hiding place, in a different hotel across town, logged in to their laptops. “There was another theft there yesterday.”

“Let me guess: another priceless book?” droned Leo.

“Priceless and ancient,” replied Jay. “It contained the sole surviving manuscript of Beowulf, and it’s wicked old, like Biblical old.”

Opal shook her head. “This is terrible!” she moaned. “We have to put a stop to this! If only I could figure out what this clue means. Do you think it leads to London?”

“If it does, it won’t matter now; we’re too late.”

“I still want to crack it. Maybe there’ll be another clue left at the new crime scene. I know it’s in another language; I just need to figure out which one. It’s hard to figure out how the letters were rearranged when I don’t know what language it was in originally.” She sighed, sweeping back her newly-blonde hair, as she looked at the clue on her computer screen. “It uses the Latin alphabet, but only nineteen letters – of course, maybe the other seven just weren’t needed in the message,” she murmured, thinking out loud. “It uses grave accents, but no other diacritics, which rules out certain languages. It doesn’t appear to be a Germanic, Romance, or Indo-Iranian language, which means we need to think outside the box…”

“Well,” said Leo, listening in on her thoughts, “let’s think, then. The clue might lead to London, England. What languages do they speak in England?”

“Well, English, of course,” said Opal. “There will be immigrants who speak other languages, just as there are in the States. But…”

“Let’s go wider, then. Outside the box.” Leo grinned. “How about the whole UK? What are the main languages?”

A slow smile started across Opal’s face, matching his, as she ticked the possibilities off on her fingers. “Well, there would be Welsh... Scots and Scottish Gaelic… Irish… Cornish…”

“Most of those are pretty obscure, right? Could it be one of those?”

“It could…” Opal stared at her screen with fresh eyes. The two men left her alone, and it took her just half an hour to cry out, “I’ve got it!”

“What is it?” Jay and Leo crowded around her laptop.

“It’s in Gaelic. Scottish Gaelic. It was encrypted using columnar transposition, the same type of coding used on the Kryptos sculpture outside the CIA headquarters. All I had to do was find the right key, the number of column shifts.”

“Okay, most of that was over my head, but continue,” said Jay, and they all laughed.

“I started trying numbers, until I got a letter pattern with something recognizable. The number thirteen gave me this.” She motioned to the text now displayed on her screen:

HARRY TIONNDADH AIR A' 'AITE, LE GRIPHOOK AIR A GUALAINN, SAOIL LE UILE A NEIRT AIR A' AODIONACH BOITEAG, A' TAIGH-“SDA SIN A' DORAS DO TRASDA CAOL-SHRÀID. A' B“CAN CUM MAR SIN FHÈIN CUIMIR MAR IAD IMICH A-STEACH DO A' PEINNTEALTA DORCHADAS, AGUS DARA AIR DHEIREADH HARRY'S LUIGHEAN BONN CABHSAIR AGUS E DRE“SGACH A SUIL AIR CHARING A'CHROIS BEALACH.

To Jay, it looked no different at first, but then he recognized a couple of English words – names, rather. “Hey,” he said, pointing, “it says ‘Harry.’ And there, ‘Griphook.’ Is that a name, too?”

“Hard to tell if it’s a proper noun, with everything in caps,” said Leo.

“Where have I heard that word before? It sounds familiar…” Jay stroked his goatee, his eyes narrowed at the screen.

“Griphook? Sounds like a tool or a weapon. Or maybe a pirate name or something.”

“Ugh, not pirates again,” Jay groaned. “I’ll keep thinking on it. Can you translate it into English?”

“I can, but it will take some time. Gaelic isn’t exactly a language I’m fluent in,” chuckled Opal.

“Me neither, but maybe I can help,” Leo volunteered. “I’m good with languages.”

“Okay…”

As they settled down to the tedious task of translating the clue, Jay continued to muse over the word “Griphook.” “The name Harry is used here twice, see?” he heard Leo murmur. “It must be important.”

Important… Harry… Griphook… Harry…

All of a sudden, it came to Jay. “I got it!” he called out, leaping up from the bed. “Griphook’s a goblin, not a pirate. And Harry – wait for it – is Harry Potter!”

Two heads turned away from the computer screen at the same time, staring at him with identical looks of skepticism. “You think this clue she’s been working on for days somehow refers to Harry Potter?” Leo said, his eyebrows raised.

“I know it does. And listen, it makes sense! Everywhere she goes, she’s stealing books, right? Books. So why not have her clues refer to books, too? Hell, I bet this clue is right out of one of the Harry Potter books!”

“Which you’ve read, apparently,” smirked Leo. Apparently, this was all very amusing to him.

“Hell yeah, I have. Who hasn’t?”

“Me?”

Jay scoffed. “Well, you’re missing out, then, buddy. The series is epic!”

“Okay, okay, enough,” Opal cut in. “It helps that we know what the clue comes from. Now all we have to do is finish putting it in English, and we should be able to figure out where it leads.”

“Hope it’s not Hogwarts,” said Jay. “It’s unplottable. Maybe King’s Cross Station… Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters…”

Leo burst out laughing. “Nerd.”

“Whatever, dude. Like I said, you don’t know what you’re missing. I wonder, is 4 Privet Drive a real address?”

“There’s no mention of a Privet Drive,” said Opal after awhile, “but there is a Diagon Alley and a Charing Cross Road. Look…” And she showed them the English text.

“Harry turned on the spot, with Griphook on his shoulders, concentrating with all his might on the Leaky Cauldron, the inn that was the entrance to Diagon Alley. The goblin clung even tighter as they moved into the compressing darkness, and seconds later Harry’s feet found pavement and he opened his eyes on Charing Cross Road.”

“Diagon Alley!” cried Jay. “Of course! All we need to do is find the Leaky Cauldron. Of course, that’s easier said than done, since Muggles can’t see it… Neither of you is a witch or wizard, are you?”

“Dude,” Leo chuckled. “Agent Jay, the rebel of HimTak, really is a Harry Potter nerd. You think the other agents know this?” he asked Opal, “or can we use it for blackmail?”

“Hardy-har-har,” retorted Jay good-naturedly. “If you don’t watch it, I’ll make it required reading for Double-0s. How ‘bout that, Vitruvian?”

“How ‘bout Vitruvian stops razzing Jay long enough to book us a flight to London?” suggested Opal with a smirk. “And don’t worry about getting us seats together – at the rate you two are going, I think I’d rather sit by myself. A few hours of peace and quiet would be nice.”

The two men were taken aback. “At your service, Your Royal Odyssey,” said Leo finally, with an unctuous little bow and a smirk to match. Then he went back to his computer to look up the next flight to London.


± ± ±


The British Library was a sprawling, red brick building, filled with books and exhibits, collections and archives, and reading rooms that could accommodate hundreds of visitors. Yet, on this particular afternoon, the library was nearly deserted, unless you counted the security guards and Scotland Yard officers that were canvassing the place.

“We’ve been closed ever since the theft,” explained one of the library’s directors, as she led Nick, Diamond, and Styx on a tour through the building. “We can’t bear to risk any other items disappearing or any evidence being destroyed, so we’re being especially stringent with who we allow into the building.”

“What’s your security usually like?” asked Nick. “Do you normally have an idea of who comes and goes?”

“Anyone is welcome to enter the library, tour the building, or visit our exhibition galleries. We require a reader pass for those wishing to use any of our sixteen reading rooms, through which the majority of our collections can be accessed. Patrons have to be at least eighteen to apply for a reader pass and must show proper identification and proof of residence. We generally discourage those who are not students or researchers. Some hear the word ‘library’ and assume we operate the same way as a public library, which isn’t the case.”

“So the person who stole the Codex… would they have had one of those reader passes?” Diamond wondered hopefully.

“Likely, yes, but the book that was stolen didn’t disappear from one of the reader rooms. It was on display in one of our galleries, which is open to the public. We have security footage from that day, but it’s awfully grainy.”

“Wonder who she was posing as this time?” muttered Diamond.

“Maybe Pearl can clean it up,” Nick replied out of the side of his mouth. To the director, he said, “We’d like to see the security tape, please.”

“Of course, Mr. Carter. If you’ll just follow me…”


± ± ±


“Well, Agent Jay, we’ve followed you this far,” said Leo, spreading his arms wide. “Now what.”

Jay looked around. The three of them stood at the intersection of Charing Cross Road and Oxford Street, in the West End of London. After more than twelve straight hours of travel, he was exhausted, and his brain felt fuzzy. He wished his thoughts were less muddled, but the jetlag was quickly catching up to him. Though the sun had not yet set in England, it was already the next morning in China; they’d lost eight hours of time and a whole night’s sleep.

“Think,” Jay muttered to himself. “Think… The Leaky Cauldron… where would it be?”

Leo and Opal stood staring at him as he thought out loud, completely helpless. “Let’s just start walking,” Opal suggested finally, with an impatient shrug. “Maybe we’ll see something that will point us in the right direction.”

Jay agreed, and they set off up Charing Cross Road. At least there was only one direction to go in; past Oxford Street, Charing Cross became Tottenham Court Road, which wasn’t part of the clue. They were on the right path – literally. Now they just had to find the right place to stop.

They walked along, passing bars, boutiques, and bookstores. Jay looked longingly through open doors and into store windows, tempted by the smell of liquor, the sight of animal-print hats modeled by mannequins. Then he remembered their purpose and suddenly grabbed Opal’s arm. “Bookstore!” he shouted, pointing. It was the second one they had passed.

“I see…” said Opal cautiously, staring at him like there was something wrong with him.

“Let’s look it up! In Harry Potter!”

Before the others could respond, Jay was already jogging into the book shop. He found the children’s section in a distant corner, and it didn’t take him long to spot a colorful display of Harry Potter books. By the time Opal and Leo joined him, he had already snatched up a copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and was rifling through its pages.

“Here!” he cried suddenly. Opal and Leo leaned in to read over his shoulders as he read out loud, “They passed book shops and music stores, hamburger restaurants and cinemas, but nowhere that looked as if it could sell you a magic wand. This was just an ordinary street full of ordinary people. Could there really be piles of wizard gold buried miles beneath them? Were there really shops that sold spell books and broomsticks?”

He skipped a few lines and read further down the page, “’This is it,’ said Hagrid, coming to a halt, ‘the Leaky Cauldron. It’s a famous place.’ It was a tiny, grubby-looking pub. If Hagrid hadn’t pointed it out, Harry wouldn’t have noticed it was there. The people hurrying by didn’t glance at it. Their eyes slid from the big book shop on one side to the record shop on the other as if they couldn’t see the Leaky Cauldron at all. In fact, Harry had the most peculiar feeling that only he and Hagrid could see it. Before he could mention this, Hagrid had steered him inside.”

“So you see,” Jay said when he was done, “all we need to look for is a book shop that’s next to a record store. The clue should be somewhere between them.”

Leo looked skeptical, but Opal nodded and said, “That helps. Let’s try it.”

On impulse, Jay paid for the book, rather than putting it back on the shelves, and carried it with him as they set off up the road again. They moved at a quicker pace this time, checking the signs over every door on each side of the street. As it turned out, there were lots of book shops on Charing Cross Road, but only a few music stores. When they found one next to a large, chain bookseller with a narrow alley in between, Jay knew they’d reached the right place.

“This is it,” he whispered, his heart hammering with excitement. He crept into the dim alleyway, feeling a little like Nicolas Cage in National Treasure. The alley was a dead end, walled in with bricks at the back. That was perfect. Jay opened his Harry Potter book again, squinting to decipher the words in the shadowy light. At last, he read, “Hagrid led them through the bar and out into a small, walled courtyard, where there was nothing but a trash can and a few weeds.” Here he stopped and looked around. The alley was not exactly a courtyard, but it had walls and weeds and, look, there was the trash can.

“Hagrid, meanwhile, was counting bricks in the wall above the trash can. ‘Three up… two across…’ he muttered. ‘Right, stand back, Harry.’ He tapped the wall three times with the point of his umbrella. The brick he had touched quivered – it wriggled – in the middle, a small hole appeared – it grew wider and wider – a second later they were facing an archway large enough even for Hagrid, an archway onto a cobbled street that twisted and turned out of sight. ‘Welcome,’ said Hagrid, ‘to Diagon Alley.’”

“Three up… two across…” repeated Leo, and for the first time, he looked enthusiastic. He reached towards the brick wall, but Jay pushed his hand away.

“No way, newbie. I figured out the clue; I get the first look.”

Vitruvian scowled, but backed up to let Jay move in on the wall. He counted three bricks up from the center of the trash can lid, then hesitated. Two across… but which way? He moved right, one, two bricks.

The last brick moved when he tapped it. It was loose!

“Bingo,” said Jay, as he wiggled it out of its mortar. He handed the brick to Leo and shoved his hand into the space where it had been. It was dark and gritty with brick dust, but at last, his fingers brushed a new texture, something smooth, like paper. He pulled out a small scroll of rolled up parchment paper.

“You found it!” exclaimed Opal, her eyes dancing in the dim light. “This is almost fun!”

Leo shoved the brick back into place and turned to Jay. “What’s it say?”

Jay was unrolling the scroll. His heart sank when he saw what was on it, and immediately, he passed it to Opal, muttering, “It’s another damn clue. Looks like gibberish, if you ask me.”

T Ê' NAO SÈNEZÀEOSR VLEETR EE TN TEO CUIS E ETG…OEP ERLSSAEDXUUTTP…DMORÀ,EOMV R MA,BMOD ELTD UAPVDRRUEP EDR ZTES,SE BS ODTEE,S RMO DEBA,NSMDARNNOAU' NEITDARIEMMTA ED,NRARE NRLANSLHGN;OGPEUUNSSELNR EUFLANIOLNAOO PLEÀNRMEDATTA LT DCAENOUUXNTL ALMM…STLSOA SEP À.C;À .VUET …E 'CU È E NE TRN, SR, RI'SEOEENESTSLS…CC NIESEEJ,IUAESSBEIR LLDMI VIEANMÇL-IMOS RPR TZ EIELDAAN…I CN C OE H TEIFSLN,NNSLRO OCENU,UEEOÀOLSUHD ILO LQLM,ZIOEI ES;T DEOTQRDP NEUDOE…LS IEEMRLN NBA ÀMOF EOVEELMMS'URAEDREUAIUEE EMEAA GIOUEPTEIIESERNPDIST DZJ OEGIS…ÀL E PC A V ARODOEUUASA MVUESTL 'M U U EUNSO VR‘ B EEPC ECECSSEIPDRULT NNC LMINNOUNE ST - N-EPU CD UOD… R NZ

“It shouldn’t be as difficult to crack this one,” said Opal confidently. “We know what language and code she used on the first one; if she follows a pattern, this will be cake.”

“If she speaks Gaelic, she’s probably from Scotland, right?” added Leo. “Maybe this will even help track her. It’ll certainly narrow down our options.”

Jay nodded, his heart lifting again. “We’re on the right track.”


± ± ±


In the library not far away, Nick said, “Great. Meet you back at the hotel later.” As the little screen descended into his watch once more, he turned to Diamond and Styx. “Jay and the others are in town now, too. They decoded their clue, and it led them straight here. Well, not here here, but to London, at least. They found another clue, and they’re off to get a room in our hotel so they can rest up and start working on it.”

Diamond frowned. “That’s good…” she said thoughtfully, “but why would the clue lead them somewhere else in London? Why wasn’t another clue found here in the library? Come to think of it, why weren’t clues found at any of the other crime scenes, except for the Library of Congress?”

Nick considered this. They’d combed every inch of the State Library Victoria in Melbourne and come up with nothing – no solid evidence and certainly no clue like the one from the Library of Congress. He was sure Jay’s team would have done the same in China.

“I dunno,” he admitted finally. “That’s weird. But at least it’s a lead to follow, which is more than we’ve found.”

“Maybe not,” spoke up Styx from the computer they’d been gathered around. “Check this out.”

Nick and Diamond returned their attention to the task at hand. They’d captured a fuzzy image of the crook’s face from the library’s security feed, which they’d sent to Pearl to digitally enhance. The image she’d sent back wasn’t crystal clear, but it was an improvement. They had spent the last hour cross-referencing that picture with the library’s database of reader passes.

“This look like the same chick?” Styx asked, pointing at the monitor. Nick’s and Diamond’s eyes moved between the screenshot from the security video and the image he’d brought up on the computer screen. They both hesitated, looking back and forth, and then they nodded.

“It’s her,” Diamond said confidently. “It’s gotta be.”

Nick read the name below the photo of a young, blonde woman on the reader pass. “Ms J Nelson. Not much to go off of.”

“The director said you have to apply for one of these reader passes. I’m sure they keep applications on file,” said Diamond brightly.

Nick couldn’t help but return her smile. “Let’s find out.”

Finally, it seemed they were making progress. Within half an hour, they were pouring over the application of one Jess Nelson, a university student living in London. “We’ve got her name and address,” said Nick. “All we have to do now is track her down.”

“Which, from the way she’s been jaunting around the globe, could be harder than you’d think,” Diamond pointed out.

“Girl gets around,” chuckled Styx.

Diamond rolled her eyes. “Yeah, she’s a real jetsetter.”

“So here’s what we’ll do.” Nick had a plan. “We’ll send Scotland Yard to this address. Diamond, you go with them. Styx and I will head to the airport to see if anyone under this name has made flight reservations. If she’s planning to flee the country or already has, we’ll know.”

Diamond nodded. “Sounds good. Call me if you find out anything.” She waved her precious phone in his face.

“Back at ya,” Nick replied, shoving his watch in hers. “Let’s go, man,” he said to Styx.

“Damn, weren’t we just here?” remarked Styx, as they arrived at the airport once more. “Feels like we ain’t never left the airport!”

Nick groaned. “Tell me about it.” Between his fear of flying and his hatred of boredom, he was not a fan of airports. And Styx was right: they’d certainly spent enough time in them lately. And that didn’t even compare to the number of hours they’d spent in the air. Nick couldn’t wait to finish this mission and set foot on home soil again. If only they could catch this criminal. Nick repeated her name in his head: Jess… Jess Nelson…

They asked to see the head of airport security, who was able to access a passenger database. “There are several Jessica Nelsons, but only one who registered as ‘Jess.’ The passenger in question boarded a flight from London to Munich, Germany.”

Nick and Styx exchanged glances, but before either of them could say a thing, Nick’s watch beeped. Diamond’s pretty face appeared on the screen, looking disheartened. “She’s gone, Nick. The police forced entry on her apartment, and it’s completely deserted. Any luck at the airport?”

“You’re right; she left. But we think we know where she went.”

“Yeah?” Diamond’s voice lifted, a hopeful smile brightening her face. “Where?”

Nick grinned. “All I can tell ya is, we better learn how to say ‘Where is the library?’ auf Deutsch!”


± ± ±


“Wo is die Bibliothek, bitte?” replied Leo promptly, when Nick repeated this joke later.

Nick rolled his eyes at the newest Double-0. This guy was almost more annoying than Shazam. “Thanks, dude, but I was just kidding. Most Germans know English nowadays, don’t they?”

“Well, if not, I’m fluent,” Leo said, with a smug grin.

“Good to know,” replied Nick curtly, not bothering to disguise the sarcastic tone in his voice.

“You know, Carter, I’m sick of your attitude.”

“Well, Di-Crapio, we’re all sick of your face!”

“You’re an overgrown toddler. How you became a Double-0 to begin with…”

“Shut it, both of you!” Jay called over, as he seemed to be conversing with K on his Blackberry. K’s brows furrowed on the screen, as Jay smiled good naturedly. “Kids. So we need an update: how far have the Feds tracked us?”

“They arrived in the UK earlier today,” Pearl’s voice was heard from off-screen. The soft sound of her fingers rapidly typing along the keys followed suit. “I’d say you have a night or so before they track you down. They’re checking with Interpol because of the standard passport check they have when you check into hotels. But since you’re using our HimTak specials, and they apparently mistook Leo for Nick back in China-”

“Mistook him for me? How? I’m way better looking than that-“

“Yet far dumber…”

“So you admit I’m hotter!” Nick grinned at the newer agent before high-fiving Styx, who was snickering as well.

“You’re still a moron.”

“I dunno…” Diamond said, as she sat on the desk of the hotel room, swinging one of her sexy legs idly. “Nick did outsmart you just now…” She casually texted away on her phone after giving Nick one of trademark dazzling smiles.

“Kids, don’t make me get Daddy K involved…” Jay called over, rolling his eyes to himself before shooting Opal a smile.

She was on the bed, pouring over the latest clue. It had turned out not to be Gaelic, and not even the same coding technique, which, of course, had set her all the way back at square one. Well, almost – at least she knew it was likely to be in another language. She thought about asking Leo to see what he could decipher from her various attempts at decoding it, but didn’t feel like causing a fuss between the Blond Battle Royale that seemed to be going on. As her mind wandered, her ears tuned back in to what Jay and Pearl were discussing.

“Because they spotted Leo, Nick’s now being charged with aiding and abetting a fugitive, despite his own HimTak diplomatic immunity; it’ll never stick. Brian is being heavily investigated now… he’s officially being charged,” K continued, after raising a brow at Jay for his last remark.

Nick snapped out of his Diamond-staring reverie, leaving Leo still lost within one. “What?”

K could be seen nodding on the screen of the small device. “He’s not taking it too well, and the CIA is pretty much infuriated at the Feds. Brian’s currently on an extended leave till it’s all settled… and on house arrest, no less, to prevent him from fleeing the way Opal did. The CIA is the only reason he hasn’t been formally arrested yet.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “No wonder CIA’s mad; he’s one of the best. Eff that – if they don’t want him, we should take him. And how’s he talking to you anyway, K?”

The golden-haired scientist’s head leaned over the screen, appearing next to K’s. “Duh, the iPod Touch I gave him communicates directly to us, through an encrypted and untraceable line. Take that, FBI bitches!” Everyone chuckled. “…Anyways, they know you’re in the UK and tailed you that far, but as Lancy booked several hotels under the same aliases, they’re still checking each and every one out. I reverse-traced Opal’s cell phone when she was almost caught in China, so we could track the trackers. As of right now…” More typing noises could be heard. “They’re in Manchester. You’ve got at least a night before they trace you to London, and that’s if they don’t check out the place Lancy booked in Bristol.”

K sighed. “This is becoming more and more problematic. Split up again, and find a way around those damn agents. You’ll now have the Feds following you every step of the way, Carter. Fix this.” And with that, the screen went black.

Nick felt outraged. “What the hell! I wasn’t the one even spotted! Leo was!” K blamed him for everything. One of these days…

Leo leaned against Diamond, rubbing his hand along her side as she giggled seductively. “Those are the breaks, Carter.”

“I’m sorry, Nick…” Opal said softly, walking up to him. “That was my fault; I’d just stupidly forgotten they’d be tracking the cell phone.”

“It’s not your fault, Ash; they shouldn’t even be following you in the first place.” That was when it clicked. So suddenly, and so simply, an idea came to him. It was fun, it was different, and it was brilliant.

Agent Jay caught the look on his most unique agent’s face and raised a brow as he titled down the shades he loved to wear. “Alright, Nick, spill. You have an idea.”

He nodded. “Indeed I do, Jay. Indeed I do.”


± ± ±


Jay had to hand it to Carter. When he had an idea, most of the time, it was ingenious.

In the chair before him sat Opal, decked out so outrageously, he doubted even Brian would recognize her. Gone was the dyed blonde hair. Now he had cropped it shorter, to just above her shoulders. It had become a shocking, bubblegum pink and was spiked in every direction. Out came the lavender contacts, replaced by bright blue. Fake piercings decked out her nose and ears. Black lipstick and heavy eyeliner were the only touches of make-up applied. Given one of Diamond’s wonder bras to give her a bustier appearance, Opal wore over that a black and red Sex Pistols t-shirt, ripped in strategic places, that hugged her slim build. Paired with that was a red and black plaid mini-skirt, accessorized with a black, studded belt and tight, black leggings, leading down to a worn-out pair of Converse sneakers. All in all, she looked nothing close to her real self.

Nick was on the other end of the room, attempting to console a wailing Diamond. The wavy, sun-kissed tresses she loved and adored were now gone. They had been replaced by straightened, raven black locks. The tight and skimpy clothing she wore to impress and hypnotize the men around her were also gone. Instead, she donned one of Opal’s lawyer-esque outfits that she’d been wearing for the earlier disguise: a long pencil skirt the color of charcoal, a matching suit top, and a cream-colored blouse. “This isn’t me!”

Nick sighed. “I know, but hey, you’re still Di. You’re still…” His voice lowered to whisper things he didn’t want anyone else knowing. No need for everyone to learn about the details of their escapades, after all. “You’re perfect for this, and it keeps the Feds away from Opal.”

The plan had been so simple: make the FBI agents believe Diamond was Opal, and that Opal was someone else entirely. He’d take Opal’s phone, since he was now officially a suspect anyway, and call them. This way, Nick would lead them away from the real Opal, as they assumed he was with her now and had been since she’d left DC. He grinned; he was going to love this assignment. The first call, however, was going to be through Jay’s Blackberry, which, like Brian’s iPod Touch, could not be traced, just to give them a little more time before they had to bail.

Jay tossed him the phone as he made his way over with a silent and sulky Diamond Divine in tow. Nick sighed as he sat next to Opal. “I’ll need your voice for this. Since it won’t be from your phone, I don’t want them thinking we split up.” He beamed at Jay. “I love this assignment.” He dialed the number Pearl had given them once he’d shared his amazing idea.

“Agent Tom.”

“Yeah… who’s this?”

“You don’t know who I am? Man, you should. I mean, what kind of agent are you that you don’t even recognize our voices?” Nick nodded at Opal, as he handed her the Blackberry.

“Hi, Agent Tom! How’s Brian?” Nick smiled. Now that was a nice touch. He placed the phone back to his ear in time to hear Tom muttering to Agent Hank.

“Trace the call… now!”

“So, I hear I got upgraded to suspect! I didn’t know the American Government could get any stupider! Are you guys even looking for the person who is really behind this, or are you too busy trying to frame Ashavari? Do you know the enemy…?” Nick beamed, as everyone else rolled their eyes; everyone at HimTak knew the signs of when a sing-along with Nick was coming.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve, Carter…”

“Hey, you do know me! Awesome! But….” He took in a deep breath. “Do you know the enemy…?

Do you know your enemy?
Well, gotta know the enemy, ohaooh.

Do you know the enemy?
Do you know your enemy?
Well, gotta know the enemy, ohaooh.

Insurgency will rise,
When the blood's been sacrificed.
Don't be blinded by the lies in your eyes.

Say!
Ohaooh
Ohaooh…”


By the end of his little song, he was head banging to full effect, even though, sadly, the FBI agents couldn’t see him the way his colleagues could. He laughed at his own mockery. “So, Agent Tom… do you know the enemy?”

“I know the enemy is off his rocker, and that he’ll be found now that he’s been on the line long enough to be tracked!”

“Is that so?” Nick smirked. “Where am I? Where is Ashavari? Just where are we, Agent Tom?”

Silence.

“I thought so. It’s okay; I’ll make it easier on you next time to trace us. I’ll keep in touch. Toodles!” He clicked the phone off and handed it back to Jay. He couldn’t stop grinning at everyone, even Leo.

“I really, really, love this assignment.”


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
Styx pushed the Lobby button once they were all in the elevator and stiffened his shoulders slightly when he stood before Nick and Diamond, in the manner of a bodyguard.

None of them had said a word when the elevator stopped with a soft ding on the lobby.

“Ladies first.” Styx moved aside and gestured the way for Di, who flashed a flirtatious smile and stepped out.

“I think we should head to Germany,” Nick piped up thoughtfully, once they were all out of the elevator. “That Jess Nelson took the flight there, and it’s strong enough evidence where the next crime will happen.”

Diamond scratched her head and threw her sleek, black hair over her shoulder. “I don’t know, Nick. I don’t have any idea where we should go next.” She sighed slowly, as her eyes wandered around the lobby. “It’s like we’re all blindfolded, with a stick in our hands, trying to hit the piñata. We know we hit something whenever there’s a clue, but it never explodes.”

Nick insisted. “I know it’s Germany this time. The girl left very clear evidence, named herself Jess Nelson, and took the flight to Munich. It’s a lead we wouldn’t want to miss. And we don’t even know where else to go, anyway, do we?”

“How can you be so sure that it’s really the actual lead and not a trap? Maybe she just wants us to go to Munich when she’s on the other side of the world?” Styx argued. “No offense, man, but I think it’s a very vague lead when you consider the enormity of this mission. She’s travelling all over the world, dawg; it’s ridiculous!”

Nick shrugged. “I just know it. And we have to start from somewhere, especially before the Feds bust our asses. What better place to start than the one with the stronger lead?”

“I still think it’s hardly evidence-”

“That’s why I’m a 008 and you’re a rookie, Styx,” Nick replied curtly, looking annoyed at the young agent’s forwardness. “It comes with experience and learning to trust your instincts, which you lack and I have plenty of. So watch closely and observe, rookie. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two from the master.”

Styx rolled his eyes significantly when Nick turned his back to walk outside the hotel and mumbled under his breath, “And that comes from someone who’s been on a six-month hiatus for blowing an agent up.”

“I’ve heard that, Styx!” Nick hissed over his shoulder. “You better watch where your words are going, unless you want K to read an extensive and possibly not-very-positive report about you during the mission.”

Sending an apologetic smile to Styx, Diamond paced to catch Nick just as they all made it outside the hotel.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh to Styx?” she questioned, following him towards the car.

Nick eyed the agent who was strolling behind them without hurry. “I like the kid, but he’s too arrogant and thinks he has it all figured out. He can’t learn if he doesn’t observe and listen; that’s how I learned, and that’s how I’ll teach,” Nick stated matter-of-factly. “I’m Obi-Wan to his Anakin. Jedi to his Padawan.”

“Kinda reminds me of someone in his early days.” She poked Nick playfully in the side as they got into the car. “There you go,” she said, when a small smile appeared on his lips. “Just give him time; he’ll learn.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, starting the engine, as Styx took his place in the back seat.


± ± ±


Di glared up from the magazine she was reading. “Would you please stop doing that? It’s annoying.”

Nick stopped in the midst of his tapping on the wooden table. “Stop what?” he asked innocently, the melodies of the song still playing in his head.

“Stop that.” Di placed her hand on his. “The tapping. And humming ‘Mambo No. 5.’”

Nick grinned. “I’m bored!”

They’d been sitting at the airport pub for the past hour and a half, waiting to board their flight to Germany. It was all a mystery to him that it took this long to fly from one European city to another, but unfortunately, the next available flight to Munich wasn’t going to take off for another hour. And it didn’t really make the wait easier when they knew a bunch of Feds were on their tails.

Puffing, he leaned against the chair. “My bum went numb.” He searched through the pub for the sights of Styx. “How long could it take a person to grab two beers?”

“Give the kid a break, Nick,” Diamond mumbled, without looking up from the magazine.

“He’s slow!” Nick hissed, when he saw Styx coming out from the corner with two large glasses of beer. “May the Force be with us if he’s be THAT slow in an actual combat.”

“He’s so new, and he’s just learning.” Diamond rolled her eyes. “If you let him, of course. Even K wasn’t that harsh on you when you first started, and you’re just pushing him too hard, unnecessarily.”

Nick opened his mouth to argue, when the ringing of his phone cut him short. Just about at the same time, Styx placed the cold beer in front of him and plopped down onto the chair next to Nick.

Nick groaned when he saw the caller ID flashing on the screen. Just what he needed.

“00Carter,” he answered huskily, which took Diamond’s attention from what she was reading. She raised an eyebrow to Nick questioningly, only to receive a shrug.

“We got the next clue solved, Carter,” Leo’s voice was heard on the other line. “The plane ticket to Germany is a set-up. The clue leads to France.”

“France?” Nick asked doubtfully. “Are you sure about that, Di-Crapio?”

“Look, dumbass, I really have no time to deal with you, alright? Just do as I say, and go to France.”

“We have stronger evidence, let me tell ya. I hardly think she’d just plot the whole scheme and NOT go to Germany. How can we know that your clue isn’t the trap and the lead we discovered is? Can you prove it?”

He heard Leo sigh exasperatedly on the other end. “We’re working on the same side, Carter! Shocking news huh? We’ve been racking our brains here to figure out a bunch of fucking gibberish on a piece of paper that is encrypted in some old World War I code-”

“What’s he saying?” Diamond wondered, when Nick kept listening silently. Being silent and listening were not exactly his best skills. Especially not at the same time.

“France,” Nick mouthed slowly.

“Is she going to France?” Styx questioned.

Nick gave his attention back to Leo, who was still explaining on the other line. “You should remember the first clue that we found in the Library of Congress, a bunch of words encrypted in a weird code. Opal figures out the code, and there comes another bunch of words in some unknown language. Thanks to Opal, we figure out it’s Scottish Gaelic, and we translate it to English, and voila, there comes the meaningful text – or, should I say, a part from a well-known book in literature, none other than the Harry Potter-”

“Harry Potter?!” Nick cut him off in mid-sentence, only to confuse Diamond and Styx more.

“Shut up and listen. So we figure out it’s Harry Potter, and the passage is actually pointing to somewhere in London. So we go there, only to find a new piece of paper with another set of meaningless words written in another code. Like I said, we’ve been racking our brains all day to find out what it was. And the ever-genius Opal figures it’s Übchi – an old, World War I era cipher, used by the Germans in the war. So next we have to find out what was used as the key word and whether the duplicates numbered forwards or backwards. And here Jay has the brilliant idea that since everything she does involves books, the key word must be about books – or about literature, anyway-”

Nick let out a snort. “Wake me up when you start talking English again.”

“Would you be serious for a minute?” Leo sniped. “This may sound like a joke to you, but we actually take what we do seriously-”

“I don’t need a lecture from you for what to take seriously or not.”

“Whatever. You want to hear the rest or not? Because, seriously, I’ve had enough with your crap.” When Nick was silent, Leo continued. “Okay, what was I saying? Yeah, about literature. Jay thought the key could somehow have a link to literature. But I also thought that it had something to do with World War I, so we started trying all the famous novelists that have written something about World War I. We tried Barbusse, Rebecca West, Rolland, Stallings… you name it. Finally, we found out Remarque – Eriche Maria Remarque, that is; of course you wouldn’t know – was the key. He was a German author who wrote ‘All Quiet on the Western Front,’ the most popular anti-war book of the World War I period. Ring a bell?”

To be honest, it didn’t. Everything Leo was babbling on the phone was too detailed for Nick’s taste, too much unnecessary information.

“What’s going on, Nick?” Diamond couldn’t hold herself back anymore. “I want to hear what he’s saying; put him on speaker!”

Nick ignored her request. “It doesn’t, and I don’t give a shitball,” he spoke finally. “While you bookworms have got your noses buried deep in the history of literature, we’re the ones trying to catch a felon here AND run away from the FBI all at the same time! So I don’t have time to dwell on the details. And frankly, nothing you just said made a damn bit of sense to me, and I still can’t see how this could be stronger evidence than a flat-out plane itinerary to Germany, where we know she’s heading!”

Leo’s patience was growing thin. “Because it fucking makes sense! There’s a pattern there! She steals books, she leaves clues from books, and she’s pointing out where she’s gonna be stealing from next! Her first clue lead to London, and she stole Beowulf. Does your brain function at all, or did you lose it on a plane ride somewhere? The text we deciphered was in fucking FRENCH. Do you care at all what it says?!”

“Fine.” Nick heard the rustling sound of the papers on the background.

“So here it goes: Is a prison the fitting place to talk to me about power, grandeur, and even royalty? You wish to make me believe in splendor, and we are lying hidden in night; you boast of glory, and we are smothering our words in the curtains of this miserable bed; you give me glimpses of absolute power, and I hear the step of the jailer in the corridor,- that step which, after all, makes you tremble more than it does me. To render me somewhat less incredulous, free me from the Bastille; give air to my lungs, spurs to my feet, a sword to my arm, and we shall begin to understand each other.

“So according to your theory, what book is that from?”

The Man In The Iron Mask,” Leo replied. “It was talking about Bastille, and I read the book a while ago, so I could remember it easily. Do you know anything about the book at all?”

“I’ve seen the movie.” Nick shrugged and then snickered, as his face lit up. “Speaking of which, that dude looks kinda like you with long hair. Though, I have to admit, he was better looking than you, even with that iron mask on.”

“Okay, do you have any idea what those two are talking about?” Styx muttered to Diamond, who shook her head, causing her new raven locks to dance around her shoulder.

“Fuck you, Carter. Just cancel the flight to Germany, and go to France, alright? The next plane to Paris takes off in half an hour, so you better rush. And that’s a direct order coming from Jay, if you’re interested to know.” With that, Leo hung up.

“Finally!” Diamond let out a hiss when Nick put the phone down. “What the hell is going on, Nick?”

Nick got up from his seat, taking a big gulp from his now warm beer. “I got a bad feeling about this. It doesn’t feel right,” he muttered. “Come on, I’ll tell you on the way. We have a plane to catch.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were all buckled up in the comfortable first class of Air France.

“I still don’t get why you have a bad feeling about going to France,” Diamond wondered, as she watched Nick tense up on her right, grabbing the sides of the seat tightly. She smiled and put her hand on his arm, in hopes of soothing him. His fear of flying… she’d always found it cute. “I think Vitruvian has a very strong lead that could take us to the thief. We should follow that instead of Germany. Why don’t you trust his clue?”

Oh, don’t you start using his fake stupid alias. Because I hate his guts, and he’s always trying to get his way around you, and you’re falling for it, and it’s just annoying to see that, to top it off, you believe him now, Nick thought inwardly. “I just don’t,” he replied dryly, as plane took to full throttle.

Diamond looked across the aisle. Styx had his headphones on and eyes closed, tapping his feet along to whatever he was listening to.

“Don’t be such a whiny baby, you,” she teased Nick. “We’re trying to catch this woman and we’re all trying to do our best here, I believe Vitruvian has the same intentions that you do. Give people more credit, will you?”

Nick shrugged and closed his eyes, as he felt the wheels of the plane left the ground. He could use a nap.


± ± ±


Federal Agents Tom and Hank stood in the now-vacant hotel room in Beijing, looking around for any clues as to where the insufferable Carter and Ms. Desai were headed.

“I need answers!” Tom barked. “C'mon, gentlemen!”

“Tom, give them a break. They knew agents were coming. Someone warned them, and-” Hank was unable to finish his statement.

“Warning, warning!” Tom shouted. “If they’d taken what I told them seriously, the field agents would have them in custody, and we would be taking them home.” He glared at the two agents who had been sent out from the FBI’s office at the American Embassy in Beijing to apprehend the culprits while they were still on the flight to China.

“The only thing going our way is the fact that that pompous Carter called us,” Tom grumbled, as he walked away and punched some numbers into his cell phone. “Carl.” The Boston accent was stronger than usual. “The only lead we have that is Desai is with Carter. Get this: he said he'd call later.” He paused for Carl to respond. “Yeah, I got it.”

Tom hung up the phone and punched more numbers into it. He looked over at Hank, who gave him a questioning look. “Littrell!” Tom barked into the phone. “It seems you might be holding out on us. Carter called us and told us they were together. We need to know what you know now, or else this is going to turn out very bad for you in the end.”

Hank watched as Tom listened, presumably, to Brian Littrell on the other end. Hank did not know the words that were being said, but he could tell it was not what Tom wanted to hear.

“We wait for the Carter kid to call us,” Tom growled and threw himself into the nearest chair.


± ± ±


“00Prick better be on his way here,” grumbled Leo, as he stuffed his cell phone into his pocket. “So help me, if he takes the other team to Germany instead…”

“Chill, dude; they’ll come,” Jay assured him. “Nick may not like you, but he’s got enough respect for me to haul his ass here if I tell him to. And hey, if he doesn’t, we can always get K on the line to chew him out.”

The two men chuckled knowingly.

Opal didn’t even smile. She stood apart from them, frowning down at the piece of paper in her hand, then looking up and around the square. She did this several times before she asked, “Are you sure we’re in the right place?”

Jay consulted the map of Paris he’d picked up at the airport. “I think so. This is Place de la Bastille.”

“Well, then, where’s the Bastille? I mean, I know it’s been demolished, but I thought there would be something here, some ruins or… something.” Her eyes scanned the modern buildings that surrounded them: an opera house, a subway station, numerous cafés and bars. The only thing that looked historical was the monument in the center of the square, a tall column she’d thought for sure would have something to do with the Bastille. It had stood out like a beacon, drawing her straight to it, but the plaque on its base revealed that it had been built to commemorate the July Revolution of 1830 instead. “Do either of you see anything even related to the prison?”

They all looked around, puzzling for a few minutes. “It has to be somewhere in this square,” Leo said assuredly. He was the one who had led them here. “This is where the Bastille used to stand.”

Maybe we should ask someone,” Opal suggested.

Jay scowled. “We don’t need to ask for directions. It’s a clue; it’s for us to figure out. We can do it; we did with the last one.”

“Yeah, but the last one led to a pretty specific place…”

“If you’re a Harry Potter nerd like Jay,” Leo interjected, flashing Jay a teasing grin.

“… This one just points us to the Bastille, which no longer exists,” Opal continued smoothly. “The next clue has to be here somewhere, but look around – this square is huge! It’s going to be like finding a needle in a haystack unless we know where to look. We need to ask someone who’s familiar with the area where there might be some remnant or reference to the actual Bastille.”

“Alright, fine. You’re the woman; you go get the directions,” said Jay flatly.

Opal looked to Leo, who nodded in agreement, still grinning. “Fine,” she sighed, and set off to find someone who didn’t look like a tourist. She spotted an old man, leisurely sipping coffee outside a sidewalk café, and approached him hesitantly, self-conscious of her hot pink hair and crazy, Europunk outfit. She was too old to dress this way; she looked like a rebellious teenager. Then again, it was Jay who had picked out her new wardrobe, and he wore eyeliner and painted his fingernails black, so she shouldn’t have been too surprised. “Excuse me, sir?” she asked the man politely in French.

He looked up from his drink. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you. I’m here studying the Bastille, and I was hoping you could point me in the direction of any relics of it that might be preserved here.”


The old man frowned, scratching his whiskery chin. Finally, he replied, “All that’s left of the prison is a pile of stones from one of the towers. They were excavated from underneath the subway at the turn of the last century. They’re in the Square Henri Galli now, down Boulevard Henri IV.” With his gnarled index finger, he pointed down a nearby street.

“Thank you!” Opal thanked him profusely and hurried back to Jay and Leo. “This way!” she said excitedly, leading them in the direction the man had pointed. They clipped along Boulevard Henri IV at a brisk walk, not realizing how many blocks they’d gone until they could see the Seine River up ahead. Just before it, they came to a small park, the square the old man had named, and it was there that they found the circle of large, stone bricks that had been part of the Bastille.

The small monument was unimpressive compared to the massive July Tower, but it was surrounded by beautiful flowers. Opal picked her way carefully through them, Leo on her heels, and squatted down to read a small plaque at the base of the stones.

VESTIGES DES FONDATIONS
DE LA BASTILLE
LA TOUR DE LA LIBERT…
D…COUVERTS EN 1899
ET TRANSPORT…S SUR CET EMPLACEMENT


The plaque was in French, but she translated into English as she read it out loud. “Remains of the foundation of the Bastille, the Liberty Tower, discovered in 1899 and transported to this location.”

“This is it,” Leo said confidently. “Start looking. Check all the cracks; it’s probably wedged between two stones.”

They split apart, working their way slowly around the pile of rubble, running their hands over every stone, poking fingers into every crevasse. Jay and Leo even had small flashlights, which they shined into the cracks too tiny to reach, but they found nothing.

“It’s gotta be around here somewhere!” cried Jay in frustration, kicking at one of the stones. “Where else could it be?”

“Maybe we were right the first time,” said Leo. “Maybe it is back in the other square, where the Bastille actually was.”

They’d been so sure they would find the clue in the pile of stones, none of them wanted to admit they were wrong. They searched the monument one more time, but still came up empty-handed. Admitting defeat, they turned and headed back to Place de la Bastille. The long walk took even longer than it had the first time; they trudged along, slowly and silently, deep in thought.

Opal stared down at her feet, watching the sidewalk give way to cobblestones as they entered the large square. She noticed large white paving stones set into the smaller, gray cobblestones, forming a sort of pattern – an almost-complete circle that veered off into perpendicular lines stretching off in two different directions. A corner, she thought, and it was then that she noticed a small plaque on the wall of a nearby building. Leaving the men, she scurried over to read it.

PLAN DE LA BASTILLE • COMMENC…E EN 1370
PRISE PAR LE PEUPLE LE 14 JUILLET 1789
ET D…MOLIE LA MÊME ANN…E.

LE P…RIMÈTRE DE LA FORTERESSE
EST TRAC… SUR LE SOL DE CETTE PLACE
14 JUILLET 1880.


“Guys!” she shouted, running back to Jay and Leo. “This could be it! Look down… these white stones, they mark the perimeter of the building; they show where the Bastille stood! Maybe the clue’s under one of these!”

The two men glanced down skeptically. The flat stones seemed firmly embedded into the ground. But Opal was convinced she was right. “We just need to find one that looks like it’s been disturbed,” she said confidently.

They set off, walking the “wall” of the Bastille as if it were a balance beam. They followed the perimeter across streets and around buildings that it seemed to cut right through. Even to the crowds of tourists, they must have looked odd – two grown men and a pink-haired woman, walking in a single file line with their heads down, eyes fixed firmly on the ground.

Even her careful attention did not prevent Opal, who was in the lead, from catching the toe of her Chuck Taylors on one of the stones and tripping. She stumbled forward, arms outstretched, and managed to catch her balance before she fell. Far from being embarrassed, she whipped around to look at the stone she’d tripped on. Jay and Leo were already squatting on the ground.

“This one’s been messed with,” said Jay, his brown eyes large and gleaming. “It’s uneven. Someone’s pried it up and tried to wedge it back in again, but it’s not a perfect fit. This is it, kids. Help me get it up.”

Opal stood back out of the way as Leo and Jay strained to pull the heavy stone out of the ground. With a lot of grunting, they finally managed, flipping it over onto the cobblestone. Leo’s hand shot out to snatch a small, plastic baggie that had been flattened beneath the stone. Opal’s heart began to race with excitement as she saw the white piece of paper folded inside.

She and Jay crowded around Leo as he opened the bag and pulled out the next clue.


± ± ±


When Nick, Diamond, and Styx arrived in Paris, they took a cab straight to the location they’d been asked to meet, a little sidewalk café that overlooked a marina. Nick eyed the boats wistfully, but there was no time to dawdle; Leo, Jay, and Opal were waiting for them. As the two teams greeted each other and gathered around a pair of tables they’d pushed together, Nick noticed Leo being quiet, avoiding the new arrivals’ gazes. Something was up. Nick could feel it.

“Alright, pretty boy,” Nick shot out to Leo. “What's next?”

“Well, the good news,” Opal started, “is that we found another clue. The clue is written in a pictogram language that I am sure I can crack.” She whipped out a piece of paper to show the second team the new clue.



Everyone looked at the most recent clue. “Looks like the little men are dancing to me,” Styx chuckled to himself

Opal stared at Styx for a moment, lost in thought. “Dancing men,” she repeated. “There is a code that uses...” She got up and wandered away from the group, concentrating on the page with the encrypted clue in her hand.

“She said that was the good. That means there's bad?” Nick asked, glaring at Leo. Whatever it was, he was sure it was his fault.

Jay slid into Opal’s seat, putting himself between Nick and Leo, and turned towards Carter. “There's been some news,” he started. Jay looked serious, and Nick knew he wasn't going to like the news.

“Have the Feds caught up to us?” Nick scowled. He saw the group shake their heads. “Brian isn't in any more trouble?” He was just starting to like that guy; he didn't want to see him lose his job or, worse, end up in a federal prison.

“No, according to our sources, the Feds are still running around like chickens with their heads cut off back in China.” Jay looked from Leo back to Nick. “We just got word that another book was stolen.”

“From France? Do you think there's still some time to catch her here?” Nick looked around, half-expecting to see the woman standing around watching them.

“The book was not stolen from here,” Leo interjected. “It was stolen from the Bayerische Staatsbibliothek.”

“The what?” Nick, Diamond, and Styx said at once.

“The Bavarian State Library, sometimes referred to as BSB,” Leo continued. “It’s one of the best research libraries in the world.”

“One of the forty-eight remaining copies of the Gutenberg Bible was stolen from the library. It was a perfect copy on paper and one of the only two copies with an index of rubices,” Opal explained, dropping back into an empty chair across the table from Nick.

“So we were on our way to Germany, and this 'agent’-” Nick sarcastically emphasized the last word. “-tells us to come to France, that we were wasting our time going to Germany, and…” Nick finished his statement by yelling in aggravation, “You know what, Di-Craprio, it seems to me that you’re sabotaging us on purpose!”

“Me, sabotaging? And where exactly is Drums right now?” Leo shot back.

The two agents rose from their seats and stood almost nose to nose, staring each other down. “Don't test me,” growled Nick. “You question my skills, and this is what you get! A chance to catch the thief, ruined by this growing pain!”

“Chill,” Jay interjected, moving between them again.

“Nick, take it easy. It was an honest mistake.” Diamond stood up beside Nick and placed her hand on his shoulder, attempting to calm him down.

Leo smirked briefly at Nick, giving him a look that seemed to say, Ha, she's defending me.

Still glaring at Leo, Nick slipped his arm around Diamond's waist and smiled broadly. “Come on, sexy. We have a plane to catch.”


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 6 by Himitsu Takana
“I love Paris,” mused Leo, gazing out the window of the taxi at an enormous cathedral. “It’s so beautiful.”

Beside him in the backseat, Jay hunched down, craning his neck to get a look. “That’s a pretty sweet tower,” he said, admiring what he could see of the intricate, Gothic architecture. “As far as world cities go, though, I’d rather be in London, myself. Most of the times I’ve been there have been for missions; I never get to just go out and explore like this…”

“This was a good idea,” Leo agreed. “It’s fun to just act like a tourist for once.”

The two men had left Opal back at the hotel to work on the clue they’d found the day before in peace and quiet – her idea, not theirs. “Go sightseeing or something,” she’d urged them. “Styx gave me a lead on how to decode this thing; I just need the time to do it, and I think better in silence. I’ll call you when I’ve got it figured out.”

Leo had been hesitant, thinking he might be able to help with the translation, but Jay, who knew nothing of what Opal and Vitruvian had been doing this whole mission, had been more than happy to take a break from it. “C’mon, dude,” he’d coaxed Leo. “Let’s go out. It’ll be good to clear our heads.”

They were on their way to the famous Louvre Museum, after discovering they shared an appreciation for art and history. Jay wore his shades and fedora; Leo held a worn leather portfolio of some sort in his lap. He seemed like a pretty cool guy, though of course Jay would have preferred the company of a woman. Wish u were here, he texted Emerald. A few minutes later, he got her reply.

Me too. I hate it when you’re gone.

Jay smiled at that, absently humming a tune to her words. They would make a great song.

“What are you singing?” asked Leo.

Crap, thought Jay, Carter’s rubbing off on me. “Nothin’. Just something Em said.”

“Emerald Ecstasy, eh?” Leo smiled appreciatively. “You’re a lucky man, Jay. You’re constantly surrounded by beautiful woman… Do you love any of them?”

Jay smirked. “Quite frequently, actually. You?”

Leo seemed to consider the question. “I haven’t met a woman with a heart like my own… until recently,” he added, waggling his eyebrows.

“Would that be Diamond?”

Leo smirked. “It’s good that you watch me, Jay, but I fear that you watch me too closely.”

In that instant, Jay could understand why Nick loathed Leo. Something about that smirk bothered him, too. “Did you sabotage the mission so that you could catch the crook instead of Nick?” he asked abruptly.

Vitruvian’s smirk twisted into a frown, his eyebrows furrowing together. He leaned back and folded his arms, glaring at Jay. “Do you question my honor?”

“No, I don’t question your honor. What does that even mean?” snorted Jay. “It’s the mission I care about. I know Nick’s got some jealousy issues, but he’s one of our best agents. If he’s got a bad feeling about you, I want to make sure it’s not justified.”

“I didn’t sabotage the mission,” said Leo stiffly, his voice deathly calm. “I really thought the plane ticket to Germany was a red herring, a lure meant to throw us off her trail. I would never do anything to hurt HimTak, just to benefit myself. You have my word.”

Jay nodded. He had no choice but to take the other agent’s word for it, for now. “Thank you, Vitruvian.”

They rode on in awkward silence. After a few minutes, Leo said, “Jay?” Jay looked over. Leo’s face was serious. “I am a young Double-0,” he said firmly, “but I am a Double-0.”

So was Drums, thought Jay, and that didn’t stop him from trying to bring us down. To Leo, all he said was, “Then be a good Double-0, Vitruvian.”


± ± ±


A short while later, they were standing in line outside the colossal, glass pyramid in the center of the Louvre’s main courtyard. Leo tucked his leather portfolio underneath one arm and raised his hand to his forehead to shield his eyes from the bright, morning sun, as he stared up at the pyramid.

“What is this stupid thing you’re carrying around?” Jay asked suddenly, snatching the portfolio out from under Leo’s arm. He’d been curious about it since he’d noticed Leo with it in the taxi and wondered why he was bringing it with him into the museum. He opened it up to see a pencil sketch of a pair of hands. It was just a black and white drawing, but the detail and shadowing were impeccable. Behind it was another drawing, this one of a woman breastfeeding her infant. “So what are you, an artist or something?”

When Leo didn’t reply, Jay continued to flip through the sketches. “Dang, these are pretty good. They’re, uh… they’re very good, actually. Dude, this is fuckin’ exquisite,” he said, stopping on a drawing of a mother’s hands caressing her baby’s chest. He turned to the next one and raised his eyebrows. “Well, well, well,” he snickered, grinning down at a nude young woman sprawled out on her side, smoking a cigarette. “And these were drawn from life?”

Leo grinned. “Well, that’s one of the good things about Paris. Lots of girls willing to take their clothes off.”

Jay smirked, imagining what Nick would say if he knew his rival liked drawing pictures of naked chicks. “Nice, dude,” he said, passing the portfolio back to Leo.

As they waited in the long line that snaked into the museum’s entrance, Leo turned to a blank page in the back of his sketchpad and began to duplicate the criss-crossing lines of the glass pyramid. He was easily as talented as Nick and more sophisticated, too; Jay had only seen Nick draw comic-style superheroes and funny cartoon doodles. Still, the two were so similar, it was no wonder they couldn’t stand each other.

“Do you like the pyramid?” asked a voice behind them.

Both Jay and Leo turned to find a young woman with long, wavy, blonde hair, parted in the center, studying Leo’s sketch over his shoulder through a pair of oversized, red sunglasses that hid most of her face.

“Yes, the pyramid is magnificent,” answered Leo, enunciating his words in response to the woman’s thick accent.

She smirked. “The French say it is a scar on the face of Paris. But I think it is beautiful. The late French president, Mitterrand, had it commissioned. They say he had a ‘Pharaoh complex,’ but really, he was just interested in ancient Egyptian culture.”

“Who isn’t?” said Jay, thinking of sphinxes and mummies.

“I am.” The woman smiled dreamily. “I plan to travel to Egypt sometime soon. I would love to hold in my hands a piece of Egyptian history.”

“You must be quite the world traveler,” said Leo, raising his brows.

“Yes, I do get around,” the woman replied with an innocent smile, and Jay stifled a snicker at the connotation.

“Where are you from?”

“Denmark,” she said, “and you?”

“We’re from the United States.”

“Ahh, Americans. We have borrowed so much from you – from your culture, I mean. Here in Europe, we love all things American. Your Hollywood movies, your television shows, your music and books. I love your books most of all.”

“Yeah?” Leo smiled down at her. “What’s your favorite book?”

“My favorite book? It is… secret.”

“Secret?” asked Jay, thinking that was a strange answer. “You won’t tell us your favorite book?”

The blonde laughed lightly. “No, no, I said it wrong. I mean to say, it is a secret even from me – I do not know! So many books… how can I choose a favorite? I love all books. I have quite a collection.”

“You do seem well-read,” said Leo, still smiling at her. Jay watched him flirt with her in amusement; the guy seemed to have a thing for blondes. Yet another similarity to 00Carter.

Finally, the line started to move, and once inside the museum, Jay and Leo headed in one direction, the blonde woman in another. But they ran into her again in the Denon Wing, where the paintings of the Renaissance were displayed. “I love Da Vinci’s work,” she breathed, creeping up behind them again, as they stood gazing at the Mona Lisa.

Jay jumped, startled, but Leo turned smoothly. “I was named after him,” he told her. “Leonardo – that’s my first name. The first time my mother felt me kick while she was pregnant with me was when she was standing in front of a Da Vinci painting at a museum in Venice. She took it as a sign.”

“Really?” She had put her red sunglasses up on top of her head now, so they could see her smile spread slowly across her face, brightening her blue eyes. “That is a touching story. And Venice – what a beautiful city.”

Leo nodded. “I love Italy.”

“I do, too. In fact, I am traveling there next, once I leave France.”

“Yeah? Lucky you.”

“Lucky me,” repeated the blonde, her smile turning more seductive.

Leo seemed to be eating it up. “Business or pleasure?” he asked, just as flirtatiously.

“Oh, a little of both…”

Jay was starting to get sick of the silky way they were talking to each other, so he wandered ahead to the next painting, the Danish woman’s voice fading into the background. Wondering how Opal was doing back at the hotel, he pulled out his phone and called the room.

The phone rang and rang, but finally, Opal answered with a hesitant, “Hello?”

“It’s Jay,” he said quickly. “Just checkin’ in. Any progress with the clue?”

“Getting there. The code was easy to crack this time – the idea Styx gave me was right; it was Dancing Men, a substitution cipher from an old Sherlock Holmes story, ‘The Adventure of the Dancing Men.’ Another book reference – big surprise. Unfortunately, the translation will be a lot harder.”

“What language this time?” Jay wondered.

“My best guess is Mandinka – it’s an African language, spoken mainly in The Gambia.”

“African? We’re headed to Africa next?” asked Jay, picturing himself running around a dry savanna that looked like something out of The Lion King, with prides of hungry lions hunting zebra and gazelle, and half-naked tribal men chasing the lions with spears.

“It looks that way. But until I’m able to translate the text to know where in Africa, we aren’t going anywhere. It’s not going to be easy; it’s an obscure language, and I don’t have any background knowledge in it.”

“Maybe ol’ Vitruvian can help, world language expert that he is,” Jay said, somewhat sarcastically, glancing over his shoulder at Leo, who was laughing along with the Danish woman.

Opal sighed. “I hope so. It seems like we’re falling farther and farther behind in tracking these clues. I hope the other team’s having better luck in Germany.”

“Me too,” said Jay, wishing he’d listened to Nick instead of Leo and let his team go there in the first place. They might have been able to head the thief off, if not for the detour to Paris. “Otherwise, Carter’s never gonna let this go.”


± ± ±


Nick paced his hotel room, still fighting the rage that filled him. He had ranted during the entire flight to Germany. He knew Diamond and Styx were both a bit beyond sick of hearing it. But still. If everyone had just listened to him, they would have captured this thief by now, and Opal would be free to go home, and Brian would be out of trouble. He flopped down on his bed. The day’s investigations had come to no avail. No clear shots of the crook in question, no prints, nothing to help them on their mission.

Nick sighed. Why had Jay trusted the new 009 over him? Why did everyone fall for the act Lame-onardo Di-Crapio put on for all of them? He felt like he was the only one who could see him for what he was: a wannabe 00Carter, trying to wreck the mission so that he would catch the villain instead of Nick. And so far, it seemed to be working. He felt a bit hurt, to be honest. Nick had thought he’d proven himself enough times for his instincts to be trusted at this point, and now he could see that wasn’t the case.

He grabbed Opal’s phone, scrolling through the numbers. A small grin appeared. Perhaps calling the FBI would be a good pick-me-up. He called the number, leaning back, snickering in anticipation.

“A-”

“TOMMY BOY!” Nick yelled, cutting him off immediately.

“It’s Carter! Trace the call!” someone could be heard yelling in the background.

“Hey, have you watched that movie, Agent Tom? I love that movie. Tommy Boy. That’s your new nickname!”

“You made a big mistake contacting me this time, Carter.”

Nick laughed, getting comfortable against the fluffy pillows. If nothing else, Lancy was really good about booking ritzy hotel rooms. A lot of the times, the accommodations on missions were better than the dorms in HimTak’s headquarters. “Why? I want you to find me. That’s why Opal and I decided to use her phone again. Hers is traceable.”

“Oh yeah? And why do you want me to find you?”

“I already told you, gumshoe, I gotta lead you to the real enemy. ‘Cause you don’t know your enemy…” He paused, grinning. “You want me to sing for you again? Hey, did the trace go through yet?”

“We got him! They’re in Munich!”

“Hank! Shut it!” Agent Tom barked, causing Nick to laugh even more.

“Okay, now you know where I am. So, catch me if you can!”


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana
Pearl glanced at the screen, where Emerald’s face was giving her one of her annoyed looks. It made her wonder if she had any others at times. “Em, don’t worry. There’s a way in through the ventilation system you’ll have to use. You should be able to get in completely unnoticed. And, just to be safe, I’m taking out the signals of the security cameras.”

“I’m going to kill K for assigning me on a case with Grasshopper-”

“Anger without merit is like a flower without trees.”

“UGH! What the fuck does that even mean?!” Emerald rolled her eyes, as Pearl tried her hardest not to laugh. She’d have to tell Nick about this when he returned. He’d get a kick out of the fact that a new mission had come up, and K’s idea had sent Emerald and Grasshopper to handle it. “Anyway, thanks.” Agent 005 disappeared from the screen.

Once she did, Pearl couldn’t stop laughing. No one ever understood a word 004 said. A mission with him would be a test of anyone’s patience. Now that there was no one in the field needing her at that moment, she went back to her latest project. Several items littered her work table. Among them were a set of fake nails, various chemicals Red had put together for her, and her toolkit. Before she could actually start working again, the main screen above her computer lit up once more.


Watch Pearl's video screen



A sign came into view, slowly rising up so that she could read it.

“Where in the world is Nicky Sandiego?” Nick’s voice sang, from behind a handmade sign saying the same thing. She started laughing again. The sign lowered, revealing Nick’s face, as Pearl heard someone else entering her lab. Still, her attention was kept on Nick in amusement. “Alright, we’re gonna play a little game. I want you – and I know this is crazy, but you don’t have to if you don’t wanna play… but it’d kinda fuuuun – but anyways, I want you to tell me, where you may think that I’m at right now. Hence…” He held up the sign once more. “Nicky Sandiego! And no cheating and looking up my trace, Pearly! What does this look like to you?” The camera panned to a hotel room window, looking out upon the city for a moment. Nick giggled, as his face came back into view of the screen, and began to sing. “So tell me… where in the world is Nicky Sandiego? Watch your back!” And the video ended.

“That boy is insane,” Pearl said to herself, still chuckling.

“But sooooo hot,” Lancy added, sighing. K stood next to him, shaking his head. “So where… in the world… is… Nicky Sandiego?”

K grinned, and Pearl raised a brow, as K did something she didn’t expect, something she’d never thought she’d see coming from him. In fact, it was more typical of Nick. K began to sing. “Ooh whop, do be do be, ooh whop…” And then, much to her shock, Lancy joined in. “Ooh whop, do be do be, ooh whop…” The two of them sang together, in perfect harmony, no less.

K’s hands snapped in time with the beat Lancy continued to carry alone, while K started singing a song she’d never once imagined him singing. Having a feeling this would be more than epic, Pearl turned the small camera on her desk towards the two men.

“Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina.
She's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”

“Ooh whop, do be do be, ooh whop…”
Lancy continued, beginning to shimmy to the beat. He had jazz hands going, as well, with spirit fingers to top it off.

“Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry ‘Uncle!’
From the Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.
Well, they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

“She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,
Chicago to Czech and Slovakia and back!

“Well, she'll ransack Pakistan and run a scam in Scandinavia,
Then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.
She put the ‘Miss’ in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”


K began dancing as well as he sang, completely oblivious to Pearl, who was staring in astonishment. He was doing what she would best be able to describe as a turtle dance. It was quite awkward, the way he wiggled from side to side along to the melody. His arms moved in synchronization to the beat that Lancy kept going. The two were completely into their little performance, a smile brightening the face of their normally far-too-serious leader.

K paused, belting powerfully, “Whoooooaaaa, tell me where in the world, tell me where can she be?”

Lancy leaned in, his voice blending evenly with Kevin’s. Pearl wondered if it was a requirement to have a singing talent, as well, before joining HimTak. If so, she was curious as to how she got in, since she had the vocal skills of a howling cat. It seemed like all of her fellow HimTak members had amazing vocal talent.

“Botswana to Thailand, Milan via Amsterdam
Mali, to Bali, Ohio, Oahu!”


The two beat-boxed together, breaking down the song a bit before jumping back in.

“Monday through Friday at Five!
Well, she glides around the globe, and she'll flim-flam every nation.
She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery.
Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations.
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

“Whoooooooa, tell me… where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”
The two started clapping their hands to the beat, and Pearl, laughing almost hysterically, joined in. She couldn’t wait to show this to Nick. This would probably be some of the best blackmail they’d ever come upon.

“Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
Watch your back!”


Pearl stared as K brushed himself off, once again professional as ever. Lancy winked at her before checking a text.

“Oooh, Di…” He wandered off, his fingers rapidly texting as he walked out of the lab.

Pearl regained her composure, raising a brow at her superior, as she went to her computer, stealthily shutting off the camera. She felt it was best K didn’t know she had actually recorded that escapade. K looked at her odd expression. “What?”

She shook her head. “Nothing, nothing…”

“I used to be Aladdin at Disney World, remember? I am capable of letting loose once in awhile.”

She snickered. “Right, boss.”

“What’s the status on Emerald and Grasshopper?”

“They’re moving in now.”

“Good. Now, the reason I came down here. There’s been word from Italy. I need you to hack into the mainframe of the Biblioteca Ambrosiana.”

“What was stolen?”

“Da Vinci’s Codex Atlanticus – twelve volumes of his writing and drawings. And as with the other thefts, there were virtually no witnesses, no prints. I need you see if you can’t pull anything up. The fact that this girl’s been like a ghost isn’t something I’m fond of.” He headed out of the lab as her fingers few across the keyboard, entering in what she needed to rapidly.

“Oh, and Pearl?”

She glanced up. “Yes?”

“If you send that video to Carter, I’m going to have to kill you.” With that, he left her lab.

Pearl shook her head as she began her work. “How does he always know?”


± ± ±


The sky was blue over the wide, open ocean, with just a thin layer of cirrus clouds up high in the atmosphere. A cool breeze whipped over the waves, forming whitecaps on the surface. It was the perfect day to go out sailing, free as a bird.

But inside the vessel that was crossing the sea from Africa, it was a different story. The air was stuffy and stale, almost suffocating. The only light came from the tiny, round portholes that passed as windows. Bodies were packed together in tight rows, sweat glistening on their dark skin. Even without the chains that bound them to their seats, there was little room to move. His legs were cramping up; he had never felt so claustrophobic. All around him, he could hear the sounds of discomfort – sniffles, coughs, moans. Someone was crying. Someone else was throwing up. He tried to hold his breath so that he wouldn’t smell the stench of vomit mixed with the odor of perspiration coming off the overheated bodies behind and in front of him.

“Damn,” muttered Jay, accidentally elbowing Opal as he bumped the armrest they shared. “I hate flying coach.”

“Me too,” said Leo, from Opal’s other side. Lucky motherfucker had gotten the window seat. “But it was all we could get on such short notice. The flight was almost completely booked.”

“No shit,” said Jay, looking around. He was no longer enjoying himself on this little world tour. They had just spent three days in Juffure, a small town in the tiny, Western African country of The Gambia, tracing the roots of the Dancing Men clue they’d found in Paris. As it turned out, the clue, poorly translated into the Mandinka language, was the opening text of the novel Roots, by Alex Haley. “Early in the spring of 1750, in the village of Juffure, four days upriver from the coast of The Gambia, West Africa, a man-child was born to Omoro and Binta Kinte…”

That was all they’d had to go on, but they’d had no choice but to go, once they’d realized the next clue had to be somewhere in Juffure. The vagueness of the clue – even in a small village, there were lots of places the next clue could be hidden – coupled with the fact that not even Opal, nor Leo, could speak the native African language, had made Jay worry it would take them forever to find it. He had pictured them searching primitive huts with thatched roofs and dirt floors, trying to interpret the clicky-tongued gibberish of people in loincloths who spoke like Starvin’ Marvin.

What they found instead, when they arrived in Juffure, was a tourist trap. Apparently, Americans, inspired by Roots, came there regularly to take the “Roots Heritage Tour” led by an African man who spoke amazingly good English, then visit the nearby Museum of Slavery. The tour guide had led them straight to the clue.

Deciphering it had taken longer, but as always, Opal had come through. The decoded clue had been in Spanish, a huge relief after the obscure language of the previous one, and once translated, it was revealed to be an excerpt from Love in the Time of Cholera, a novel by a Columbian author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez. That had led them out of Africa and on the way to their next destination, the city of Cartagena, Columbia.

And what would they find there? Another clue? The missing books? Or their crook, herself? Jay wondered where it was all leading. There seemed to be no pattern anymore; there had been no thefts in Paris or in Juffure, and no clues left in Munich or Milan, where the other group was currently investigating. It seemed they were following two different trails, one of clues, the other of crimes. Was the purpose of the clues to lead them to the loot, or to distract them from the crimes? Jay was beginning to think it was the latter, that they were foolish for following this latest clue back to the Western Hemisphere, while all of the recent robberies had taken place in Europe. But he’d been overruled by Opal, who was desperate for answers, and Leo, who seemed to be enjoying their little treasure hunt. “It’s so Da Vinci Code!” he’d said enthusiastically, when they’d left Paris. Jay was starting to feel more like Dorothy Gale than Robert Langdon, stuck following the yellow brick road when all he wanted was to go home.

The way Opal suddenly sighed beside him made him think she was starting to feel the same way. “You okay?” he asked, turning to face her.

“I’m fine… just thinking about Brian.” Her unnaturally blue eyes were sad and beautiful. “I hate not being able to call him. We’re used to being apart, but I’ve never gone this long without talking to him. After he almost died in Toronto, I transferred back to the DC headquarters just so we could be together. And now we’re separated again. I know he’s got to be worried about me, just like I am about him. I just hope he doesn’t do anything stupid…”

“The Rok?” Jay offered her a reassuring smile. “I’m sure he won’t do anything too dumb. He seems pretty level-headed. He’s related to K, remember? Same genes. And K is anal and slow, not impulsive and stupid.”

Opal managed to smile back. “Thanks, Jay. I hope you’re right.”

“I’m always right, babe. And don’t you let K or Carter tell you any different.”

Leo snorted. “If Carter tells you any different, then you know Jay’s telling the truth.”

Opal laughed. “What is it with you and Nick, anyway?” she asked. “I don’t see why you two don’t get along; you’re so similar…”

“That’s exactly why they don’t get along,” put in Jay, before Leo could respond. “Haven’t you heard the phrase ‘opposites attract’? Well, the opposite is true, too. 00Carter just likes to think of himself as a ladies man and doesn’t want Vitruvian here mackin’ on his Carter girls and salting his game.”

“Carter girls!” spat Leo, rolling his eyes. “Half the girls at HimTak can’t stand Carter.”

“Not half,” Jay corrected. “Only Emerald. Which is fine with me. Emerald’s my girl.”

“I won’t steal your girl. But I think our little Diamond’s ready to be a Vitruvian vixen instead. And Pearl… she seems like she’d go for more of a ‘Renaissance man,’ if you know what I mean…” He waggled his eyebrows, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Pearl?” Jay laughed. “Don’t think so, buddy.”

“Why not?” Leo looked offended.

“I’ve never seen Pearl go for anyone.”

“Why, is she a lesbian?”

“I don’t think so…” Jay considered this; what if she was? That would be pretty hot… “She’s usually just shut up in her lab, too involved with whatever project she’s working on to get involved with a guy. She’s basically a geek.”

“A hot geek,” Leo added quickly.

“Yeah…” Jay grinned. “Definitely a hot geek. I guess that’s why Carter likes her.”

“Carter likes her, too?”

“Well, sure. Carter likes all the ladies, but especially the ones he can’t have. And Pearl’s made it clear she’s ‘just friends’ with him. She won’t give it up.”

Leo continued to smirk. “I bet she’ll give it up to me.”

Opal rolled her eyes. “Ugh, you guys…”

They were still arguing about whether Pearl would go for Nick or Leo when they landed in Cartagena. “I just don’t really think she digs blonde guys,” said Jay, turning his cell phone back on. “Sorry, dude. She’s probably secretly got the hots for K or something. Or Emerald…” He kept imagining that lesbian fantasy, and it got hotter and steamier every time…

But no sooner had he put his phone back in his pocket than it suddenly rang, interrupting the conversation, as well as his vision of Pearl in her lab coat and nothing else, Emerald sprawled out before her on her work table, wearing only Diamond’s sexy new gun shoes… “I’ve gotta put you on standby,” purred Pearl, slinking closer to Emerald, “so I can tinker with your mainframe.” She reached out to cup one of Emerald’s breasts, then trailed her hand lower, lower, down across Emerald’s toned abs and below. “I need to enter my digits into your system…”

“You gonna get that?” Leo asked dryly. Startled, Jay flipped open the phone without even bothering to check who was calling.

“Hello?” he answered irritably.

“Yo, it’s 00Carter,” said Nick’s voice. “You guys landed yet?”

“We literally just did,” replied Jay, still annoyed about the timing of his call. “What’s up? Any luck in Italy?”

“A little bit. We missed her again, of course, but we got another picture of her off one of the security cameras. I just sent it to Pearl to clean up for us. Looks like a better angle than the crappy one we got in London.”

“That’s great, man,” said Jay, his mood improving. “Any other evidence? DNA, prints, anything?”

“Nothin’. The crime scene’s totally clean. I bet she’s been doing shit like this for years. She’s just upped her game enough to get us to take notice.”

“You’re probably right,” Jay agreed. Suddenly, his phone beeped in his ear. “Hey, hang on a sec, bro, I got another call.” He glanced down and saw K’s name flashing at him. What now? he wondered. They weren’t even off the plane yet! He switched over to K’s call and answered, “Jay.”

“003,” K said curtly, “You’ll be pleased to see, we’ve ID’d the thief! Check your screen, and you’ll see what I mean; you can thank the other team for placing her at the scene.”

Jay frowned. Was K really speaking in rhyme? “Hold on a sec; I’ll check,” he told him, as his phone beeped again. Shit, now he’s got me doing it, too! There was a picture text from Pearl, but before he opened it, he switched back to Nick’s call. “Dude, you were right; K’s acting really trippy with this mission, talking in rhyme.”

Nick snickered. “You’ve noticed, too? Diamond says it’s more alliteration, what he’s doing, but yeah…”

“Nah, man, this was definitely more rhyme. What’s he on?”

“I dunno, but Pearl said he was actin’ weird in her lab the other day, too. She wouldn’t say what he was doing, though, said she was sworn to secrecy.”

K and Pearl, doing something secretive in her lab? Jay’s mind returned to his daydream, but this time, it was K stretched out on the work table… naked… Sick, dude! Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! He pummeled the side of his head with his free hand, trying to make the image go away. “I bet he got laid,” was all he said to Nick.

“Laid? K?” Nick giggled. “By who?”

“I dunno. Pearl?”

“Pearl?! No way, dude. No way.”

“Just sayin’… maybe they’re having a secret affair.”

“Fuck no, Pearl’d never go for K, not even if she had the technology to remove the stick from his ass. I mean, would she??”

Jay laughed at the desperation in Nick’s voice. It would have been easy to keep razzing him about the possibility of Pearl hooking up with K, but then he remembered he had a text from Pearl, and that K was still waiting on the other line. “I dunno, dude. Hang on, I gotta check this text.”

“What on earth is going on?” asked Opal, as Jay lowered his phone again. “Why were you hitting yourself in the head?”

“Trust me,” said Jay, without looking up. “You don’t wanna know.” He pulled up the text from Pearl and waited for the image to load on the screen. It appeared, blurry and pixilated at first, but as the pixels loaded, it grew steadily clearer and clearer, revealing a still of a woman in a red trench coat and matching hat. The wide, floppy brim cast half her face in shadow, but he recognized the wavy, blonde hair flowing beneath it, and the oversized, red sunglasses peeking out from under it. “Holy shit!” he gasped loudly.

Heads turned, and he remembered he was still on a crowded plane. Luckily, as most of the other passengers were African or South American, their English probably wasn’t too great. “What??” Opal hissed again, but Jay ignored her and passed his phone across her to Leo.

“Dude, you have to see this! It’s a pic from the surveillance cameras at the library in Milan! Look familiar??”

Leo’s eyes widened. “Shit!” he echoed Jay. “The Louvre! That girl from Denmark! We talked to her!!”

Jay snickered. “You flirted with her!”

“That’s her?? She’s our crook?”

“Gee, let’s think – she’s dressed like Carmen Sandiego, wearing the same tacky shades we saw her in, and standing at the scene of the crime. I’d say so, Sherlock!”

“What?!” came a tinny voice from Jay’s phone. Jay quickly held it back up to his ear. “Did I just hear DoucheCrapio say you guys met this chick in Paris?!” Nick exploded.

Jay felt incredibly sheepish. “Uh… yeah… He talked to her a lot longer than I did, though.”

“Oh, thanks, way to throw me under the bus there, Jay,” he heard Leo grumble from his seat. All around them, people were starting to get up, retrieving their luggage from the overhead compartments. In the aisle seat, Jay stayed put, listening to Nick’s tirade.

“And he didn’t catch on to anything??” Nick asked incredulously. “I mean, how retarded do you have to be, to stand there with the crook right in front of you and not realize it?!”

“Well, to be fair, we hadn’t seen a good picture of her then…”

“Fuck that! She was right there! God, first I thought he was just sabotaging the mission so that he could catch her himself and get all the glory, but now I see he’s just a total idiot!”

“Chill out, Nick. You’re right, we could have caught her and we didn’t, but at least now we know what she looks like. We’ll get her,” Jay said confidently, tucking his elbow in as passengers filed past him to exit the plane. The worst thing a thief could do was show her face. K would see to it that that picture made it onto all the major news networks, worldwide. She wouldn’t get much further looking like that!

“Not with Leonardo Retardo around, we won’t!” Nick ranted.

Jay could tell he wasn’t going to let this blunder go anytime soon. “Alright, well, catch ya later, Carter. Good luck on your end,” he said, and disconnected the call with Nick. Switching back to K’s end, he said, “K, you’re not gonna believe this…”


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 8 by Himitsu Takana
She was in heaven.

“Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”

As the taxi carrying the three agents who were back from their investigation in the Biblioteca Ambrosiana took a left turn to the Via Monte Napoleone road, the prominent shopping street right in the heart of Milan, Diamond’s eyes sparkled.

“…around the world from Kiev to Carolina…”

Armani…

“…filcher from Berlin down to Belize…”

Salvatore Ferragamo…

“…for a ride on a slow boat to China…”

Louis Vuitton…

“Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?”

Gucci…

Face glued to the window, oblivious to Nick’s constant singing, her eyes sparkled even more as they read the names of the stores they were passing by.

Pure heaven. The kind of heaven she’d consider herself lucky to be in if she was dead and had come back to the world as a ghost. Oh, how wonderful it would be to wander through the racks of clothes, shelves of shoes, and lines of bags for eternity…

Prada.

“Alright, that’s it,” she mumbled and turned to the taxi driver. “Riesci a tirare su per favore?!”

Nick and Styx glanced at each other confusingly. “What did she say?” Nick asked, pointing at Diamond sitting next to him.

Styx shrugged. “Don’t ask me, dawg, I could only get the per favore part.”

Before the taxi came to a full stop, Diamond threw herself out of the car and yelled to the fellow agents, “Pay him!”

Nick and Styx didn’t move an inch, just stared blankly at the foxy former blonde, who was now standing on the sidewalk right in front of the Prada store. “What are you waiting for?!” she called to them exasperatedly. “Pay the man, and get out of the damn car!”

“I think she’s losing it, dawg,” Styx commented, as Nick took on the command instantly and did as he was told, motioning Styx to follow him out of the car. “No offense, she’s sexy and all that, but I guess all these plane rides messed with her mind.”

Nick raised his head up and gazed at their surroundings, knowing all too well why Diamond had rushed out of the taxi. “Nope.” He sighed. “Being in Milan messed with her mind.” He gave Styx a small pat on the shoulder. “Let’s go before she explodes.”

Diamond had already made her way into the Prada store, her eyes growing big with anticipation at the luxury inside. Milan, oh dear Milan… Prada… shoes… bags… Right there! The summer dress she was dying to buy-

“Argh, are we seriously gonna let her shop, dawg?!”

Snapped back to reality by the rookie agent’s comment, Diamond turned on her heels, her eyes now glaring right through Styx. She took two steps towards the agent, until her face was merely inches away from his chest (she hated being small at times like these), and raised her index finger in a threatening manner, without releasing her gaze from his.

“I’ve been travelling around the world for God knows how many days now, stuck in these ugly clothes, not complaining for a second,” she hissed. “I’ve had to endure all your childish behavior and bickering, and I haven’t said a word.” She poked his chest with her index finger, causing the tall man to take a step backwards. “Now I am in Milan. The shopping capital of the world. I’m in the Prada store. Milan. Prada. And I will shop. As long and as much as my heart desires. And I wouldn’t recommend you standing in my way, rookie. Understood?”

Speechless, Styx just nodded, gulping audibly.

“Now that we’re on the same page…” Diamond threw her hair over her shoulder and looked around the store, puzzled. “Where do you think I should start? The shoes? The bags? There’s so much to do in so little time!”

As she turned around and started browsing through the racks of clothes, like a butterfly flying from one flower to another, Nick gave Styx another pat on the back.

“First rule of being on a mission with Diamond Divine: Don’t argue when it comes to shopping. If you’d like to live, that is.”


± ± ±


Two hours and at least fifteen shops later, Nick and Styx were leaning against the outside wall of Valentino, looking expressionlessly at the stylish men and women passing by the street.

“I feel queasy,” Nick whined.

“Do you know there are ninety-one designer stores located only on this street?” Styx turned to face him with blank eyes. “Ninety. One. And the last time I counted, we’ve only been to fifteen of them, tops. Which leaves us… I mean, dawg, how many stores exactly?” He shook his head. “I can’t do the math; my brain is not functioning.”

Nick glanced back inside the store, only to see Diamond trying probably her fiftieth pair of shoes. “That woman is a robot, I swear. I have to pee, and I’m starving. Yet she looks like the Energizer Bunny.” He let out another sigh. “I think we’re gonna rot here. The last thing my eyes will see is gonna be another leather clutch from Chanel or a silk summer dress from Dior. Or a pair of peep-toe pumps from Prada. How sad.”

Styx looked at him incredulously. “Do you hear yourself?!”

Nick’s eyes grew wide with realization. “Oh my god. Not only am I gonna rot and die here, I’m gonna turn into Lancy before I do!”

“Alright, I’m done!” Diamond announced, coming out of store, carrying two bags. “You won’t believe the shoes I just bought, Nick; they’re amazing!” she chirped and then stopped dead on her tracks, her eyes stuck on the other side of the road. “Yves Saint Laurent!”

Grunting, two male agents grabbed the rest of the bags from the floor, following Diamond like a pair of ducklings across the street. “We’ll be waiting outside!” Nick yelled inside the store, only to get a hand shrug from Diamond. “This is the apocalypse.”

Nick had only counted five Italian ladies that he would have loved to bless with his Carter charm, when Styx nudged him roughly in the ribs, pointing across the street with his head. “Dawg, we have company. Ten o’clock.”

Reluctantly releasing his gaze from the Italian girl he was checking out at the café next to the store, Nick turned his attention to where Styx was pointing. “Shitballs,” he muttered under his breath. “Who knew the Feds had a sense of style?!”

“I’m going in to let Diamond know,” Styx said and rushed inside, only to come out with Diamond in tow seconds later.

Trying to act nonchalant, so they wouldn’t attract attention, Nick looked around. “Alright, we act cool, we just walk slowly up the street, until we’re out of their sight, and then we’ll just catch a cab and go back to the hotel.”

The other two agents nodded as Nick, took a step towards the opposite side of the street from where the Feds were standing.

“Grab the bags!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Nick stopped and looked behind him, only to see Diamond, her own hands already full, motioning for Styx to take the rest of her shopping bags. “I WON’T leave them here!”

“They are gonna slow us down!” Styx raised his voice exasperatedly.

“They cost me more than your monthly income, Styx! TAKE. THE. BAGS!” Diamond yelled back.

He was about to open his mouth to tell them cut the crap when he saw the federal agents nudging each other and pointing at them. “Shitballs! They’re onto us! Run!!”

This was enough to bring Styx and even Diamond back to their senses. Diamond dropped the bags she was carrying in an instant as they started running down the street, trying to make their way through the crowds of people.

“What are we gonna do?!” Styx yelled.

“You would have thought about that before yelling like a pig in the middle of street!” Nick yelled back, knocking down an empty chair on the street café. “Shitballs!!”

“There!” Diamond pointed towards a small street on the left side. “We can lose them in there!”

They rushed across the road and dove straight into the small street Diamond pointed, receiving loud horns and Italian swears that Nick was glad not to be able to understand.

The street they ran into was very small, yet with several boutiques lined side by side. Without bothering to look back, they entered one of them. There were only a couple of customers inside, with a sales lady behind the cash register.

Diamond flipped out her HimTak ID, making sure everyone in the store saw it. “Tu non ci vede.” You did not see us.

Benefiting from the baffled expressions they received and hearing the loud footsteps of the Feds echoing in the deserted street, Nick and Diamond squeezed inside the only dressing room in the store, hidden by a curtain, while Styx barely found the time to jump inside a rack of clothing beside it.

They didn’t even breathe for a couple of seconds following their hiding. The dressing room was too small and stuffy; it was hard for even one person to fit in. Diamond felt Nick’s hands on the small of her back; she was pressed tight against his body. She muffled a laugh and buried her head into the crook of his neck. Nick’s body stiffened a little, giving the reaction she knew it would, as she felt his hands moving even lower.

“Didn’t know you had a dressing room fantasy, Carter,” she whispered seductively, toggling the hook of his shirt. “I like the idea of it, though…”

“If I had a dime for every fantasy I have with you…” he whispered back huskily, pulling Diamond closer to himself.

“You’d be a fucking Rockefeller; yeah, we’ve heard.” Styx yanked the curtain open, looking unsurprised to catch the two agents’ intimacy. “They’re gone. Not sure if they’ve lost us, but they don’t seem to be anywhere out on the street. Highly likely that they’re stashed somewhere to step on our tails, though.” He spoke matter-of-factly.

“Courtesy, rookie,” Nick hissed, as they both got out of the dressing room. “Common courtesy to KNOCK.”

“On a curtain?” Styx scoffed over his shoulder, as he walked away.

“You sounded a lot like K when you spoke to him,” Diamond mumbled behind his back, eying the now vacant boutique. “Great, we’ve scared off the customers.”

Shrugging, Nick walked to the entrance and peeked outside. The street looked empty. “How the hell are we gonna get out of here?”

Diamond’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “I have an idea,” she said, swinging a brown wig on her finger.


± ± ±


“You look like a dork.”

“Said the dork with the blue suede shoes.”

“At least I ain’t wearing a hideous tan vest inside a navy jacket with a cream tie with polka dots on it. Over a blue and white striped shirt.”

“At least I don’t show my ankles in tight tan pants.”

“At least I’m not wearing an ugly belt and braces.”

“At least I don’t have a bright green scarf around my neck.”

“Oh shut up, you two!” Diamond yelled exasperatedly, trying to place the short curly brown wig on her head. “I’m the one who really looks repulsive. Not only did I lose a whole new designer closet, I had to dress like a clown!”

Nick and Styx turned their attention to her, trying to stifle their laughter; she was fuming already, trying to fit her long hair inside the wig, wearing black and white patterned harem trousers under a bright orange, loose silk top with leopard print flats.

At the insistence of the owner of the boutique, who also happened to be the lady on the cashier, they had to wear the clothes that were on display in the boutique’s window. Nick wasn’t sure if the owner was doing it as a favor for brightening up her dull day or as a punishment for nearly giving her a stroke. He just couldn’t figure out Italians.

He placed his own black, long-haired wig on his head. Nodding to Styx, who put on the sunglasses and the fake beard, and looking to see if Diamond was ready, he checked himself out in the mirror one last time. “Let’s get the hell out of here, clowns.”


± ± ±


“Finally!” Diamond sighed, once they got into their hotel room, desperate to take off the wig. “I thought we’d never make it!”

They had escaped the boutique without a problem; there had been no traces of the Feds on the street. Deciding it would be better to split up, the three agents had all taken different directions once they hit the main street. The Feds had separated too, each one guarding a different end of the street, but with the help of their disguises – which was one of the perks of being in Milan; everyone was so trendy and fashion-forward that nobody looked weird in their eyes – they had slipped right under the Feds’ noses.

“Check this out,” Nick grinned, as he plopped down next to Diamond on the bed and took out his cell phone, dialing the number he now knew by heart. He was going to miss making these prank calls once the mission was over.

“H-“

“TOMMY BOY!!!”

“Carter,” the federal agent replied calmly.

“Ah, I feel honored that you recognized my voice immediately this time.” Nick chuckled; he loved doing this. “What a nice little encounter we had today, didn’t we? If only you could be civilized enough to just have a decent conversation instead of running around the streets, then we might be able to understand each other.”

“We’re on your tail, Carter,” Tom hissed through clenched teeth.

“Yet, on the wrong tail. You still don’t know your enemy, I see,” Nick said in his sing-along voice. “Tell me, Tommy Boy, do you know your enemy?

“Go on and mock me, for all I care. You have so little time left. Did you start to feel my breath on your neck?”

“The breath of a Fed as blind as a bat!” Nick’s face lit up. “It has a ring; you hear it, Tommy Boy?! Next time around, when you’re on guard, take a second look at the long, black-haired dude walking past you with a bright green scarf and blue suede shoes. Adios, amigos!!”

“FUCK!!”

Nick shut down the phone, chuckling to himself. “Ah, I love messing with the Feds!”

Adios, amigos is Spanish, Nick,” Diamond stated, rolling her eyes.

“Whatever. It was still so much fun!”

Styx emerged from the bathroom, having changed back into his own clothes, with his phone ringing in his hand. “It’s Jay calling,” he said before answering. “Yeah, boss?”

“Put me on speaker,” Jay’s voice commanded on the other side of the line. Styx placed the phone on the vanity, doing as he was told.

“I’m in Japan right now-”

“Aren’t you a jetsetter, Jay?” Nick snickered, still too hyped up from his prank call.

“00Carter, LISTEN. We left Columbia and just landed in Japan to search for the next clue, but up until now, we’ve seen that the clues and the crimes don’t match. We find a clue, we go to the place, but it never leads to the crime scene. She’s fucking with us. But I really do think these clues will take us to something solid.”

“Or I better go and get myself handcuffed by the Feds right now,” Nick mumbled to himself.

“Dude, Carter, I have awesome hearing, even through the phone. Consider this a warning!” Styx snickered softly and received a smack on the shoulder from Nick. “Anywho, I was thinking about our little encounter with the thief back in France-”

“Di-Crapio,” Nick hissed under his breath.

“CARTER! I’m getting tired of this, and let me tell you, I’m not in my best mood when I’m jetlagged! So what the hell was I saying? Oh yeah. I was playing the encounter over again and again in my head, and I realized that she had mentioned going to Italy while she was talking with Vitruvian. Saying that she was going to head there next after France for a small business/pleasure trip. And the next thing we knew, she’d stole Da Vinci’s notebook from Milan.”

“Did she say anything about going to another country, Jay?” Diamond asked, caught up in Jay’s story.

“I was just coming to that. Before Vitruvian and the lady thief started flirting-” Nick made a barfing noise, and Diamond rolled her eyes, before giving her attention back to Jay. “-we were looking at the glass pyramid outside the Louvre, and she said she was planning to travel to Egypt soon and quote ‘would love to hold in her hands a piece of Egyptian history’ unquote.”

“So she’s dumb enough to tell us her next crime scene? What thief in her right mind would do something like that?”

“I have no idea, Carter, but she’s playing a cat and mouse game with us. She likes the thrill of being chased, I guess.”

“So Egypt it is, then, huh?” Diamond stated, looking rather disappointed. She was so ready to take a hot bubble bath with a glass of Italian wine. Accompanied by Nick, preferably.

“Positive, Diamond. Anyway, I gotta go. Make sure you catch the next plane to Cairo. We don’t have a minute to waste.”

“Alright, boss,” Styx said.

“Adios, amigo!”

“Nick, it’s Spanish!”


± ± ±


Agent Jay rubbed his temples with his index fingers, after hanging up. “You’re giving me a headache, Carter. A friggin’ headache,” he muttered under his breath.

He wasn’t trying to threaten Nick when he’d said he was jetlagged and not in the best mood. Agent Jay truly hated suffering from jetlag. And yet again, there he was, back on the other side of the ocean, losing count of the countries he’d been to in the past few days. He didn’t even know the exact date or time zone he was in, for God’s sake. All he knew now was that it was daytime, in Japan.

It was, of course, another indecipherable clue that had lead them all the way from Columbia to the heart of another country very, very far. Japan, he thought inwardly, resting his head against the cold window of his hotel room on the thirty-second floor. Buildings, buildings with uncountable number of floors, buildings whose shadows were falling onto each other. Buildings which made you feel like the smallest, tiniest creature out there. Buildings, made by mankind, yet which looked otherworldly.

He had no idea what the latest clue was talking about; South American literature was not his thing. Yet Opal was fascinated to see that the latest clue they had deciphered belonged to the famous novelist Gabriel Garcia Marquez. “Love in the Time of Cholera!” Opal said, her eyes sparkling with excitement, “the most romantic book I’ve ever read in my entire life!” It looked like their felon didn’t specifically prefer a genre when it came to leaving traces behind her, for God knows whatever reason. Partly because on his unbearable headache and partly because of his mixed feelings about being in Japan, Jay had left Opal and Vitruvian alone to trace the next clue.

He had one place and one place only in his mind to go.

After two stops, three changes of metro lines, and a fifteen-minute cab ride, he stopped the car in the middle of a deserted road. Paying the cab driver a couple of extra bucks and ordering to wait for him, he got out and looked around at his surroundings.

A wreckage of bricks and concrete, basically; some walls managing to stand, still resistant to time, but, in total, nothing to remind of the outstanding building that had once risen just where he stood. The building which was the foundation of the organization he was a part of. Their home. The original headquarters of Himitsu Takana. K and Grasshopper had started their careers here, as well the notorious 007. Jay had only known the place from the pictures, the videos that were saved after the explosion, and from K’s memories.

It was quite tragic, when he thought about it thoroughly – an organization rising up from its ashes (thanks to K, of course) on the other side of the world, leaving its roots behind. He stood still for a moment, paying his respects to the fellow agents who had lost their lives for the sake of a more peaceful world.

Interrupted by a sudden buzz on his left hip, Agent Jay groaned. Whoever was on the phone better have important information to report.

“What now?” he grumbled into the phone, not checking the identity of the pager.

“And good afternoon to you, too, Agent 003.”

“Do you know where I am, K?”

“I know, but I have good news-“

“Do you know where I’m standing right now, K?” Jay questioned again. “And why do you sound so happy?”

“Because we have a face and a name.”

Agent Jay was caught off-guard, forgetting to inform him he was standing right on the foundations of HimTak. “Of the book thief? How is that possible?”

“I’m gonna keep it short. We got a visual of her, you know, so I decided to send the image to some of the major media corporations around the world. Turns out, our little book thief was already quite popular in the old continent.”

“Europe?” Jay was confused.

“We got an immediate response from Denmark, the thief’s home country. Apparently, she was quite popular back there as well.”

“Give me the profile.”

“Tanja Copenhagen-“

“Copenhagen?” Jay couldn’t help but let out a snicker. “Tanja Copenhagen, from Denmark?! Are we sure this is her real name and not another alias?”

Jay could hear his superior’s soft chuckle on the other side of the line. “I know, that was my first reaction when I heard the name. But they faxed me her ID, and looks like it’s her real name.”

“Fair enough.”

“I have more to share, hang on. It’s also known that she worked for the Denmark National Library back in the day, which explains her fetish for books and how she could get into the security system in the Library of Congress. She has extensive knowledge about the backdoors of libraries, and from the looks of it, she had plenty of time to practice while working in Denmark.”

“Do we have any information about why she keeps stealing precious books all around the world?”

“Not really. Her former employers said she was a brilliant employee, always treating the books with care and incredible devotion. Great at archiving, knew most of the books by heart, and so on. Earned herself the nickname ‘Walking Database’ for her extensive knowledge.”

“Who would have thought loving the books could be a crime?”

“It becomes a crime when you start stealing some of the most valuable ones and impersonating other people to blame for your thefts.”

“Fair enough.”

“What’s the status on the latest clue?”

Jay sighed, rubbing his hand slowly across his forehead. “Opal and Vitruvian are working on it.”

“You better join them. Looks like they’ve got a lead on that. Just got the memo.” K hesitated before continuing. “And Jay, you won’t find any trace in the old HQ. The place is torn apart.”

Jay rolled his eyes. Did K always have to know everything?


± ± ±


“What do we got?” Jay asked, the minute he approached Leo and Opal, now sitting at the bar of their hotel.

“We’ve found the next clue, Jay,” Opal said, her eyes sparkling. She was holding a piece of paper in her hands delicately, like it was the most precious thing. She placed the paper in front of Jay for him to take a look at it.


Nösrychb anihq Vuha Fpkg'kfk
Ceyndov'b ilq ehtsha cbşo bqih vugkce
cx hdiinenq, govlo.

Iqinnhnq ahe lçleyn, emşinp nndyqml, gkhahcq çlrhha
eb hqne iqp lchoeb cndvokny rhtpce,
aw akinddni, fw anddnq govlo.

Ahuhdrle ni ahqhhcql, iqs nhpa açlmhfqmd,
khy nyle lepfele ldrckh awhhwğwkv,
ax kâebq govlo....

Kgşfhha iqp cğbç aqio qne eb lüp
eb iqt lslck boiq ahsneşçeqmdn,
av phtsyq iqvos...D



Jay looked at the paper. “Am I supposed to understand this?” He took a second glance at the writings. “They don’t even form a sentence.”

“Because it’s a poem,” Leo interrupted, pointing the first paragraph. “This is the longest clue we’ve ever gotten up until now, and it’s in sections.”

Jay turned his attention back to the piece of paper, studying the letters carefully.

“It’s Playfair,” Opal burst, unable to hold herself until Jay was finished examining. “Playfair, the cipher that was used in this clue. I recognized it immediately.” She looked down sheepishly before continuing. “It was one of the most interesting ones, for me, at least. I wrote a research paper about it back in college.”

“So what is this Playfair?”

Already eager to share all her knowledge, Opal started to tell. “Playfair is a digraph substitution cipher, mainly. It was founded back in the nineteenth century by Charles Wheatstone. The cipher uses a five-by-five table containing a key word or phrase. The system goes like this: for example, the letter S is removed from the alphabet, and an H takes its place in the text that is to be encoded. It’s not commonly used anymore, though, because any modern computer software can solve it in a few minutes.” She patted her laptop. “We only need to find which letters were used and what the keyword is.”

“Her intelligence scares me,” Leo piped up.

Nodding, Jay had another question in mind. “Do either of you have any idea what those letters could be? Or the keyword?”

Leo shook his head. “We’ve been racking our brains, but none of the things we came up with worked.”

Opal scratched her head slowly, her eyes fixed on the paper. “I know we’re missing something; we’re not seeing something here…” she mumbled. “Nineteenth century… Wheatsone… Playfair. It was used for the Cuban Missile Crisis… JFK used it back in the negotiations with the Soviets… I GOT IT!”

Startled, both Leo and Jay turned their attention to Opal, who was now scribbling something on another piece of paper. “It has to be this one.”

Jay glanced the paper. “J to F, and Kennedy as the key word?”

She nodded. “It was used by John F. Kennedy in 1962, during the Cuban Missile Crisis, for their negotiations with the Soviets to remove the missiles…” She turned to her laptop and started typing vehemently. “… and ENTER.”

Her face beamed with happiness when she looked at the results. “There you go, gentlemen.” She turned the laptop around for the other two agents to see.


Dörtnala gelip Uzak Asya'dan
Akdeniz'e bir kısrak başı gibi uzanan
bu memleket, bizim.

Bilekler kan içinde, dişler kenetli, ayaklar çıplak
ve ipek bir halıya benziyen toprak,
bu cehennem, bu cennet bizim.

Kapansın el kapıları, bir daha açılmasın,
yok edin insanın insana kulluğunu,
bu dâvet bizim....

Yaşamak bir ağaç gibi tek ve hür
ve bir orman gibi kardeşçesine,
bu hasret bizim...



“What language is that?” Leo asked. “Nothing I’ve come across before.”

Turning around the laptop towards herself again, Opal typed more. “I should have known.” She smirked.

Jay eyed Leo, before leaning over the table to take a look at the screen. “Turkish?”

Opal nodded. “The cipher was used to remove the missiles in Turkey after the crisis. It only makes sense that she put the clue in Turkish.” She looked from Jay to Leo. “Pack your bags, guys. We have another long flight ahead of us.”


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 9 by Himitsu Takana
“I am afraid you are too late,” the curator of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo told Nick, Diamond, and Styx as they approached her, fresh off their flight from Italy. “I just received word from the guards that someone has stolen our most prized manuscript of the Book of the Dead.”

“Damn,” Nick muttered as he and his companions followed the curator while she walked down the hallway.

“I don’t understand how this could have happened,” the curator continued. “We have an immense amount of security guarding this building because of the great amount of antiquities we house here. There’s not a moment that any piece in this place is not being watched.”

“Then, with all due respect, Ms...?” Diamond began, realizing that she’d never introduced herself to them.

“Oh, I’m sorry, how could I be so rude?” The curator turned around and smiled at them, extending her hand to them. “My name is Evelyn. Evelyn Carnahan. Everyone calls me Evy.”

“I go by Diamond, Evy.” Diamond shook her hand. “How did she get away with this if there’s always someone watching?”

“I don’t know, Diamond.” Evy sighed. “I was just about to head to the main security office to get some answers when you arrived. Shall we?” She motioned to the large marble staircase in front of them, and they all walked up together as Evy continued to explain the situation as best as she could. “What she took was one of several different Books of the Dead that we have, but she picked the most expensive of them all. You see, there were several versions of the Book of the Dead, and we have a selection of copies on display from different periods of ancient Egyptian history.” Evy stopped as they stood in the middle of an expansive library. “This room is filled with rare and expensive books, not unlike the caliber of the Book of the Dead. But none of them are as recognizable as the Book.”

“That fits with her motive. She seems like she wants the attention as much as she wants the books themselves,” Nick commented.

“And you are…?” Evy asked.

“Nick Carter,” Nick said with a smile.

“Nice to meet you, Rick.”

“My name is Nick.”

“Yes, of course, Rick. Anyway,” she continued, leading them further into the room before Nick had the chance to correct her again, “The room where the Books are held is just beyond that door.” She pointed to a doorway flanked by two large men in security uniforms. “In each room, there are at least half a dozen high-tech cameras covering each corner, to make absolutely sure there are no blind spots for anyone to hide—or steal. The Books were kept in glass display cases outfitted with heat and pressure sensors placed not only in the edges of the glass but the book displays themselves. As soon as she moved that glass and picked up that book, we knew about it.”

“And those men were here the whole time?” Diamond asked.

“Them, and two others placed inside of the room on patrol, and two others posted at the other exit to the room. We’re all at a loss as to how she managed to blend in with the crowd and escape their sights.”

“We should go and look at those security tapes,” Diamond said, the end of her sentence fading away from Nick’s hearing as he wandered down an aisle of shelves and skimmed the spines with his fingers. He was never all that interested in ancient history—or history at all, for that matter—but Ancient Egypt always seemed pretty cool to him. He stopped as he saw a ladder leaning against one of the bookshelves and decided to climb up and get a better look at some of the other books.

“Yo Nick, where are you?” Styx called out. “Evy’s taking us to the-” Styx stopped as he caught up to his mentor. “What are you doing?”

“Just… investigating, that’s all,” Nick replied casually.

“But we don’t even know if she stopped in here.”

“I didn’t say I was investigating the case.”

“Please tell me you’re not looking for stuff about mummy’s curses and all that junk.”

“I wasn’t really looking for anything, but thanks for the idea, dude!” Nick said, giving Styx a quick thumbs-up from his place high up on the ladder.

“Nick! Styx! Where did you run off to?” Diamond called. Styx tapped Nick on the leg and gave him an urgent look.

“Chill, man. Go find Diamond and tell her I’ll be there in a second,” Nick instructed him. Styx shook his head amusedly as he walked away.

Hmm… mummy’s curses… Nick thought to himself as he looked at the books in front of him. Well, this one looks interesting… He pulled at the spine of one of the books, grunting as he tugged at the book and realized how tightly it had been wedged in. He yelped in surprise as he successfully pulled the book out, but now found himself balancing on the ladder as it stood on its own in the middle of the aisle, having pushed away from the bookshelf as Nick pulled on the book. He dropped it immediately as he clung to the ladder with both hands and tried to move it back towards the shelf.

“Nick, what the-“ Diamond began as she, Styx, and Evy came running as soon as they heard the book drop. The wing of the museum they were in had been closed off as soon as the robbery was discovered, so they knew they were supposed to be alone in this room.

“Be careful, Rick!” Evy exclaimed.

“My name is N- whoa!” Nick screamed as he fell forward, crashing into the bookshelf, and they all watched in complete shock as each bookshelf in the room got knocked over like a set of large dominoes, resulting in a long, loud crash that settled in a pile of dust as the last bookshelf fell back on the first. Thankfully for Nick, he had already rolled himself out of the way, albeit on the opposite side of the disaster as the others.

“Nick, didn’t this country suffer enough when they got hit with ten plagues?!” Diamond reprimanded.

Styx tried to suppress his laughter as he stood between the two dumbfounded women. “You’re a walking catastrophe, dude.”

Evy sighed as she looked around at the damage Nick had caused. “I should hope nothing has been destroyed in this room, Rick…” Nick considered speaking up to correct her once again, but decided against it considering the expression on her face as she looked at him. “… Or mummies, curses, and the Book of the Dead will be the least of your worries.” She began to walk away, motioning for the others to follow her. “Oh, and you were looking in the wrong place.” Diamond and Styx just sighed as they looked around while walking behind Evy.

“Um, guys? How am I supposed to get out of here?” Nick asked, running his hand through his hair as he realized he was trapped on all sides by collapsed bookshelves.

“I guess you’ll have to clean your way out!” Diamond called out teasingly, not looking back behind her.

“Don’t worry, Rick, I’ll have a crew sent in to assess the damage and begin the repairs immediately. They’ll get you out,” Evy told him. “For now, time is of the essence, and we really must find this girl before she leaves the country with the Book.”

Nick growled in frustration as he watched Diamond and Styx leave the room with Evy. Styx turned around and shrugged at Nick before following Diamond out of the room.


± ± ±


Forty-five minutes later, Diamond, Styx, and a slightly calmer Nick walked out of the museum. They still had no real leads on Tanja, and no idea how she had managed to steal the Book of the Dead, but they decided to head back to their hotel and further analyze what evidence they had.

“Hey guys, check it out,” Nick said as he put on the novelty pharaoh hat he bought at the gift shop on their way out. “Im…ho…tep… Im…ho…tep…”

Diamond rolled her eyes as she snatched the hat off of Nick’s head and shoved it back at him. “I can’t believe you’re already back to joking after you nearly destroyed thousands of dollars worth of ancient historical documents! K is gonna have your ass when he finds out.”

“Not if we catch Tanja, he won’t,” Nick defended as he tossed his hat back into the shopping bag. “Besides, I only nearly destroyed them. They were okay, and so my ass will be, too.”

“We have nothing to go on! And thanks to your screwing around, she could be long gone by now. We know she never sticks around for long.”

“Yeah, but we’re catching up to her now. We’re getting close; I can feel it.”

“Pardon me if I don’t trust your gut very much right now, Nick,” Diamond said. “It’s the same gut that told you to wander off in search of mummies.”

“Oh, come on, haven’t I suffered enough?”

Diamond sighed. “For now, I guess.” She stopped as they reached the bottom of the stairs and looked around. “Maybe we should stop at a café on the way to the hotel. I’m famished after all this excitement; we haven’t eaten since Milan.”

Nick put out his arm and gave Diamond his trademark grin. “Shall we?”

Diamond simply smiled back in reply and linked her arm with his as Styx walked behind them.

“I don’t know how he does it…”


± ± ±


A few minutes later, they decided to stop at a café nearby the museum, the first one they had spotted. As they sat at a table in the dining area outside, Nick couldn’t help feeling like he was missing something.

And then he saw it: a flash of blonde hair and the sway of a long trenchcoat, as a young woman walked past their table.

His body stiffened as he focused on her, trying to get a good look at her, but she was doing her best to stay concealed and looked at though she was guarding something in her arms.

“Guys, check out the girl who just walked by.” He paused as they slyly glanced over and then looked back at him, having come to the same realization. “Look familiar?”

“She’s going to get away,” Diamond warned. “We have to go after her now.”

“Count of three, we get up and corner her. One…” Nick calmly pulled out his wallet and dropped some cash on the table to cover their bill. “Two…” Diamond reached for her jacket casually as they all started to get up from the table. “Three!” Nick jumped up the rest of the way and hopped the small fence separating the restaurant from the sidewalk.

“Stop, thief!” Nick yelled as he pointed at Tanja, who hopped onto a nearby motorcycle and sped off, leaving Diamond and Styx to watch from the empty space she left behind. Nick looked around frantically as Diamond and Styx rejoined him, and that was when he found a solution. “Quick, hop on!” Nick patted the back of the motorcycle seat.

“We’re not all gonna fit on that, Nick,” Styx commented as Diamond slid onto the seat, put on the helmet Nick handed her, and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“I picked this one for a reason, Styx; now get over here and hop in.” Nick nodded next to him, and as Styx got closer, he saw the motorcycle had a side car.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Styx mumbled to himself as he jumped into the side car and quickly put his helmet on, while Nick tore down the street in search of their elusive culprit.


± ± ±


Styx was still gripping the sides of the side car tightly five minutes after Nick had turned off the main highway they’d been driving down for at least an hour, as they weaved through traffic, trying to catch Tanja. Nick knew she was running out of places to lose them, and when she made a sharp turn down a pier, he knew she was getting desperate.

“Nick, stop!” Styx called out. “Look out!”

Nick hit the brakes suddenly, and Styx braced himself to avoid flying out of the side car. Tanja had driven off of the pier and landed on a waiting speedboat. She then jumped off of the bike and got behind the controls of the speedboat.

“Hold on tight; I think we can make it!” Nick called to them over the roar of the motorcycle engine as it still revved beneath him.

Styx looked up at him, horrified. “Dude, you can’t-“

“Watch me!” he cut him off, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes, as Styx said a silent prayer, and Nick tore off down the pier, feeling briefly triumphant as the motorcycle left the pier, before it flipped over, and the three of them fell into the water. “SHITBALLS!” he screamed as he surfaced, hitting the water angrily.

“My hair! Ugh, just when I thought it couldn’t suffer any more!” Diamond moaned. “You idiot, didn’t you realize the side car made our motorcycle heavier than hers?!”

“Obviously not!” Nick said, motioning to the water surrounding them. “Wait a second, where’s Styx?”

“Right here!” he shouted, a couple of feet away. “Enough of this bullshit; we gotta catch this girl NOW!” he called out to them, mumbling as he swam over. “Nearly got my ass flattened by a bookshelf, smushed on a highway, now drowned? Aw, hell no!”

“Calm down, dude, we’ll get her,” Nick said.

“How? How can we possibly catch up with her now?” Diamond asked, incredibly annoyed.

That’s how.” Nick pointed at another boat approaching them, and they all swam out of the way to let it dock at the pier. Once the owner had gotten off the boat, they managed to climb up onto it and sped off after Tanja, getting her in their sight within minutes.

Diamond took over the controls to try and get closer to her, while Nick took out his—thankfully waterproof—cell phone and called Jay.

“Jay here.”

“Hey man, we got here too late to stop her from taking the Book of the Dead, but we caught up with her outside of the museum,” Nick explained, deciding to leave out his mishap with the ladder and bookshelves. Knowing Diamond, half of HimTak already knew, and it was only a matter of time before it got to Jay—and K. “We’re on her trail now, but who knows what other tricks she’ll try to pull.”

“Well, I was actually just about to call you, Carter. We just figured out that she’s probably headed to Turkey next. I think this is gonna be the big showdown.”

“Turkey? Are you sure?” Nick said.

“Yes, Carter, I’m positive,” Jay replied sternly. “So stay on her trail, and if you lose her, just meet us in Cappadocia.”

“Cappuccino??”

“Cappadocia,” Jay growled. “It’s a region in central Turkey. Mapquest it.”

“Got it. But I don’t plan on losing this chick again, bro.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just get here one way or the other. We’ll get her.”

“Kay. Bye.”

“Bye,” Jay replied, and Nick looked up at Styx and Diamond as he hung up the phone.

“Get ready to head to Turkey. Jay thinks that’s where she’s going next, and that this will be the big face-off.”

Diamond sighed. “She’s gotta be getting as tired as I am of all this travelling.”

“I really hope so,” Styx chimed in, in agreement, as he stood at the front of the boat and kept tabs on Tanja.


± ± ±


A few minutes later, Nick decided that if this was really going to end in Turkey, he was going to get in one last phone call to the FBI.

“Agent-”

“TOMMY BOY!” Nick yelled into the phone.

“Carter,” the agent replied through gritted teeth, and Nick snickered as he realized how much he really was pushing the man’s buttons with these phone calls.

“Ya know, I’m really gonna miss almost bumping into you like this,” Nick said.

“Because you know we’re going to catch you very soon? We’re on to you, Nick. We know you’re in Cairo.”

Nick scoffed. “Oh, please. Cairo is so lame…o. Too much old stuff and not enough mummies and curses. I thought it would be more like Scooby Doo. Zoinks!”

“Keep making fun, Nick; you know we’re getting close…”

“Not even.” Nick paused for a moment and heard frantic shouting on the other end of the phone call. “Hey Tommy Boy, you got a refrigerator running?”

Tom sighed. “Okay, I’ll play along. But isn’t it ‘IS YOUR refrigerator running?’”

“No, you misunderstood me. What I meant was, you got a refrigerator running your operation over there? Seems like a head of cabbage has more brains than all of you guys.”

“Excuse me?”

“Gee, look at the time! I’m sorry I don’t have time to spell this out for you, Tommy Boy, but my world tour is almost over! We’re going to a place nearby! Gotta go!” Nick said quickly, hanging up before Tom had the chance to respond.


± ± ±
Catch Her If You Can: Part 10 by Himitsu Takana
“My bum is numb,” Nick whined. The animal under him whinnied in response as it slowly lead the others, bowing its head.

It was such an abrupt change of scenery that, despite having been travelling the world for the past few – he had lost the count of how many – days, Nick was utterly and totally bewildered. It must have been only a couple of hours since they’d been chasing their felon through the Mediterranean. Once they had landed on the south shores of Turkey, they finally had the solid evidence that Tanja was running off to the heart of the country, somewhere called Cappadocia.

After a quick helicopter ride from the seaside, they had managed to reach the outskirts of the Nevsehir province, which was home to the ancient town of Cappadocia. There, they had met up with Opal, Jay, and Leo.

And now, half an hour after they’d arrived in the province, they were all riding horses, trying to reach the ancient town. Being an avid lover of ocean, Nick had taken an instant liking to the south shores of Turkey, towns lined up by the sea and the smell of the Mediterranean. But going deep inside the country, to the very middle of it, he was astonished by what he saw. Everything was the color of bronze and dust. Mountains, savannas, roads, the hills… everywhere he looked, he saw nothing but constant plains and the blue sky over him. It was overwhelming, but mesmerizing all the same, making him feel little in the grand area and the silence that surrounded them.

And his bum was so numb from riding on the horse. Not comfortable at all. Jay, Opal, and Leo were already ahead of them; he could still see them in the distance.

“Di?” he called, looking over his shoulder. He couldn’t really see her face, as she was wearing an abnormally large summer hat that one could easily mistake for a very small umbrella.

“What?!” she grumbled.

“My bum is numb,” he whined again.

“I’m gonna get wrinkles under this sun!” Diamond whined back.

“But my bum is really numb.”

“And what can I possibly do about it? I have my own problems to deal with here; this horse is too wild!”

Nick eyed the black horse Diamond was riding. It was a rather old one, the tamest one that Nick had ever seen.

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Di, I’ve seen hamsters wilder than that old horse.”

“Still!” Diamond whined. “What if he decides to throw me from his back?!”

“Di, sweet baby, that horse can’t even throw a fly from its back for the life of it.”

“Whatever.”

“I was thinking maybe a massage would make you feel better?” Nick suggested seductively.

“Ah, a massage would be heaven for me!”

“I can give you heaven, baby…”

“Spit it out, Nick,” Diamond giggled. “I know you’re planning something for your own benefit.”

“Well...” Nick said, drawing it out. “You know I’m pretty numb down there.”

“And…”

“It wouldn’t hurt if I got a massage for myself, too, you know…” Nick suggested, waggling his eyebrows. “A nice good pair of hands, easing my soreness…”

“Alright, enough, both of you!” Styx yelled from the very back of the line. “Jesus, you’re like a bunch of high school kids, high on hormones!”

“Don’t be jealous, Styx.”

“Why did the others stop?” Diamond piped up, pointing to somewhere in the distance. Nick looked at where she was pointing, but all he could make out were Jay, Opal, and Leo getting off their horses.

“Let’s pick up the pace,” he ordered.

Five minutes later, they had caught up with the rest of the team, just in time to see Leo shaking hands with a salesman.

“What’s going on?” Styx asked.

“Change of plans,” Jay answered. “It’ll take too long to reach our destination with the horses. So we’re splitting in two now. Three of us will travel with the hot air balloon right here…” He gestured behind Leo to show the huge basket that was attached to the balloon. “…and the rest of us will keep track from the ground with the Jeep.”

“It was a good bargain to rent both,” Leo spoke up. “And a much faster one at that.”

“So with that, we’ll keep an eye on our thief both from the land and from the air. The terrain is pretty rugged, and we’re hoping to catch Tanja in the famous rock houses in Cappadocia.”

“Are we sure she’s there?” Styx questioned.

“Ninety per cent.” Opal spoke for the first time. “The rock houses are hidden in the mountains, very secure and secluded. Perfect place for Tanja to keep all the stuff she stole. And the evidence was leading us directly to the ancient town. There’s not many places to run from there.”

“Diamond, Styx, and Nick, you’re going to be tracking Tanja from the air,” Jay instructed. “Leo, Opal, and I will be following with the Jeep.”

“Hot air balloon ride? In the air?!” Nick protested.

“At least your sexy bum won’t be numb anymore.” Diamond winked at him.

“Never thought I would prefer it be numb,” Nick replied, as he slid off his horse unwillingly. “How safe can a hot air balloon can be?!”


± ± ±


As the hot air balloon soared through the sky, Nick kept his eyes shut tightly, his hands gripped the side of the basket so hard his knuckles were turning white, and he became jumpier than usual every time the balloon swayed gently. Diamond and Styx shared concerned looks from opposite sides of the basket. Finally, Styx approached his mentor.

“Dude,” he started, putting a hand on Nick’s shoulder—a move which caused the blonde to flinch with surprise, “you need to calm down.”

“Dude, I can’t. We’re, like, fifty miles above the ground in a freaking balloon, trying to chase down some crazy chick with a book fetish,” Nick said, eyes still mostly closed, “and I’m not as worried about the crazy chick as I am about the balloon. Tanja is so going down.” Nick groaned. “Oh shit, why did I have to say ‘going down…’?”

“Just… find your happy place, man. And get it together.” Styx advised, walking away. Nick could swear he heard Styx mutter something under his breath about how “pathetic” Nick was being, but he didn’t care. He just closed his eyes again and focused.

“Find a happy place…” He murmured, picturing himself spending the night with Diamond in some expensive hotel room overlooking the ocean. Then he pictured himself on a boat in the middle of the ocean with Pearl, just enjoying her company and the swaying of the boat. He imagined the swaying of the balloon was the swaying of the boat, and suddenly the anxiety began to float away… until the basket began to rock uncontrollably and he heard Diamond scream.

Nick’s eyes flew open, just in time to see bullets whizzing past the balloon—whoever was shooting was clearly too far away at the moment to aim properly—except for one shot, which managed to pierce the heart of the balloon operator. The three agents ducked down and looked each other over, silently checking to make sure each other was alright.

“Nick, you have to steer the balloon,” Diamond told him.

“Me?! Why me?!” Nick exclaimed.

“Because you’re already freaking out; let’s not make that ‘freaking out with a gun.’ You’re less likely to cause any damage just steering the damn balloon,” Styx chimed in, and Diamond shot him a look.

“Look, Nick, we’ll cover you, but someone has to steer this thing, and I really think it should be you.” Diamond flashed him one of those smiles she used when she was trying to get her way. She must have sensed his remaining apprehensiveness because she leaned in closer to him, while Styx decided to return some of the fire they were still under, as a way to keep from having to listen to another one of Nick and Diamond’s flirtatious exchanges. “After all, you’re such an experienced driver…”

“Yeah, I guess I a-“ Nick began, before he was interrupted by Diamond pressing her lips to his. His muscles instantly relaxed, and his mind cleared. “What was that for?”

“For getting off your ass and steering the damn balloon,” Diamond told him, before she, too, began to shoot back at whoever was firing at them. Nick brushed off his coat, took a deep breath, and stood up to grab the control for the hot air balloon, cursing wildly as he attempted to steer it towards where he knew their destination was supposed to be.

“SHIT! How the fuck am I supposed to figure out which of these makes it go higher and which makes it go lower—DAMNIT, that one makes it go lower!” Nick screamed, fumbling with the controls, as bullets and gunshots continued to dominate the air.

“GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!” Styx yelled, as the balloon swayed slightly more than it had before. “Try to get us HIGHER so we have the advantage!”

“No fuckin’ kidding, Styx! I’m TRYING!” Nick yelled, pulling the other lever, causing the balloon to climb higher in the air. Nick mumbled a string of curses under his breath as it did so.

And then, he heard the worst sound in the world to him at that very moment: a balloon deflating.

He looked up to see two gaping holes in the balloon, where a bullet had ripped through it, and his stomach fell faster than the balloon seemed to be. “HOLD ON; WE’RE GOING DOWN! OH JESUS CHRIST, I DON’T WANNA DIE!” His arms dropped down to the sides of the basket, and he was once again gripping them for dear life, now completely frantic.

Diamond walked over to him and shook his shoulders vigorously, while Styx continued to shoot at their attackers. “Nick. THIS. IS. NOT. HELPING. We ARE gonna die if you don’t help us think of something!” Diamond said to him, as calmly as she could manage, before turning around and firing a few more shots.

Nick nodded silently in reply, looking up at the torn balloon at that very moment. He was instantly struck with an idea. “Going lower… We need to keep going lower!” he exclaimed and began to operate the controls, causing the balloon to keep sinking, but at a calmer rate. Despite his sudden inspiration, Nick was still in a panic over being in a hot air balloon, hundreds of feet in the air, that had a hole in it and was now travelling down to the ground.

“Nick… are you sure about this?” Diamond asked him carefully, noting his current state of mind.

He shook his head furiously as he gripped the controls firmly with both hands, his eyes tightly shut. “Not really… but a quick death and a slow death are still death, right?”

“Guys, I think we might be okay…” Styx said, peering over the edge of the balloon. Nick and Diamond realized that no more shots coming at them, and Nick figured that they’d stopped shooting when they saw the balloon falling. “We seem to be landing, or getting close to it.”

Diamond looked over the edge of the balloon as well, just to see for herself that they were falling safely. She turned to Nick, who still had his eyes closed. “Nick, he’s right; we’re not gonna die. You can open your eyes now.”

“You don’t know that. We could still crash,” Nick replied, his voice shaky.

“Man, we’re like, fifteen feet off the ground right now,” Styx told him.

“I could still fall out of the basket and land on my head, okay?!” Nick exclaimed.

“I’m starting to wonder if you’ve already fallen and landed on your head once in your lifetime…” Styx mumbled, still loud enough for Nick to hear. Nick lifted one eye open enough to glare at Styx for a few seconds before quickly closing it again. He refused to move until the basket officially landed and stopped moving.

Once the basket touched down, he hopped over the side and dropped to his knees, bowing down to the ground and kissing it several times, spitting out the dirt he’d gotten in his mouth every time he arose. Styx tried to hide his amusement while Diamond shook her head.

“Okay, I am not kissing you anymore this trip until you’ve gargled with a whole bottle of mouthwash,” she told him sternly. Nick finished his small ritual, praising whatever higher power had kept him from plummeting to his death, and stood up to face Diamond, his lips turning up into his infamous smile.

“If you say so, but we both know you can’t resist me,” he responded with a wink.

Before Diamond could reply or Styx could once again complain about how nauseated he was with Diamond and Nick’s antics, three people on horseback rode up to them. As the riders got closer, they could see that it was Jay, Leo, and Opal, who looked surprised to see them.

“What the hell happened to you guys?” Jay asked, after his horse came to a stop. He took notice of the fact that Nick looked incredibly shaken up. He made a note to ask Nick about this and possibly mock him for it later.

“Someone started shooting at us—I’m just gonna guess it was Tanja,” Diamond explained, “and not only killed our balloon operator, but shot a hole through the balloon. So we had to do some quick thinking, and Nick saved the day.” Jay raised an eyebrow at the last part of Diamond’s story and glanced at Nick.

“Well, I suppose this means you’re riding with us, then?” Leo said from his horse next to Jay’s.

“I suppose so,” Diamond replied with a smile. “I call riding with Leo!” She smiled wide and walked over to Leo, who held out his hand and helped her up onto the horse with him. Nick glared as she wrapped her arms around his waist and placed her head on his shoulder. Styx, in the meantime, walked over to Jay and asked if he could ride with him; Jay nodded and helped him up on the horse. That left Nick to ride with Opal, whom he grinned at as he walked towards her.

“Don’t get any funny ideas,” she warned him playfully, as she helped him pull himself up onto the horse. “I wouldn’t want to have to tell Brian about this. You two have been doing so well.”

“We’re due for a good argument, Opal,” Nick replied with a wag of his eyebrows, “but I wouldn’t stoop as low as putting the moves on his girl. So I promise I’ll be a good boy.” He held up his right hand. “Agent’s honor.”

“Alright, we all settled?” Jay asked moments later, as he looked around at everyone. They all nodded or otherwise replied in confirmation. “Okay, let’s go catch a book thief!”


± ± ±


Nick almost felt like he’d been thrown back into time. Like he was in the Old West, chasing down some outlaw. He grinned. He would’ve been a great sheriff. Like John Wayne. Or some other famous western actor he couldn’t think of.

The image floated in front of his eyes… Him in a cowboy hat and cool boots with stirrups, blowing off the barrel of his gun. Pearl, Red, and Diamond running up to celebrate in those old dresses that really showed off girls’... upper assets. They’d swoon over his heroism. Diamond would run her hand along his cheek as she stared up at him adoringly. Him, the center of her attention. Of Pearl’s attention. The only man Red could focus on. Any other wannabes were forgotten.

“Oh Nick… you’re my…”

“NICK!”

His brow furrowed.

“…hero! Nick, you’re so brave…”

“NICK! Pay attention!” Opal’s voice yelled in his ear, snapping him immediately back to reality. He yanked on the reigns, narrowly avoiding a collision with Lameonardo DiCrapio, who was now shooting him a dirty look. Diamond held on to him even more closely, causing Nick’s jaw to clench a little tighter. Jay, oblivious to it all, led the way, with Styx looking distinctly uncomfortable.

“Just up ahead should be the caves!”

Nick grinned. As sad as it would be to see the end of his taunting the FBI, he’d be glad to stop globetrotting for a bit. To go home and relax for a few nights. What day was it, anyway? How long had they been on this mission? He wasn’t even sure anymore. He’d been through so many countries and so many times zones that time had become a blurry mess.

Finally, the six reached their destination. Nick hopped off the horse first, looking succinctly proud that no clumsy moment occurred while doing so. He reached up towards Opal, who looked adorable in that out of character way, with her still bubblegum pink hair and unnaturally blue eyes. He took her hand and carefully helped her down.

She smiled. “I’ll be glad when this is all over. But I’ve had fun traveling around with you guys. We don’t give you enough credit.”

Nick smirked. “It’s okay. We save the world… and everyone else gets the glory.” He shrugged nonchalantly as he checked his guns to make sure they were loaded. “I’m used to it.”

Once everyone was on the ground and ready to go, they met up with Jay along the rocky walls. The sun was high in the sky, beating down on them unmercifully. Nick wiped his brow, feeling the adrenaline rush in. At that, his watch beeped. Leo rolled his eyes, and Nick shrugged.

What am I supposed to do, tell Pearl to put my damn watch on silent? He popped the screen up to see the young scientist in question. “Pearly… I love ya, but we’re kinda busy.”

“Just a heads up: Feds are closing in. So make it happen, or you’ll be the one who ends up in custody, Blondie. And I’m so not up to breaking the news to our fearless leader. He’d have a brand new hernia, thanks to you.”

The screen went black, and he tuned back in to what was going on around him. Everyone was chattering in nervous conversation. While this was their lives, nerves still came every time. “Who was that?”

“Pearl. We have a time limit; the FBI is finally catching up.”

“Okay, so here’s how it’s gonna go down. We go in two by two. Carter, you and I go in first, and keep it quiet. At my signal, Vitruvian, you and Di…”

“What’s the signal?” Diamond asked, inspecting her nails thoughtfully.

Jay smiled as he titled down his shades so that their eyes met. “Trust me, you’ll know.” He turned to Nick’s shadow agent. “Styx, I want you to stay out here and keep Opal safe.”

Fury and complete indignation flooded the newbie’s face. “Are you kidding me?!”

Nick turned around before his own superior could. “He’s not kidding. That’s vital, and if one hair on her head gets harmed… you’re not gonna like me. You got that?”

Styx stepped back, nodding, but said nothing.

“Alright, let’s move.”

As Jay entered the opening, Nick quickly followed. His gun was at the ready as the two walked down the winding, narrow path. The light grew dimmer and dimmer as they got further away from the entrance. Finally, AJ gently touched the sunglasses he wore, and a small red light lit up at the corner. The two continued, as quietly as they could. Neither knew when their path would end or where it would lead. All they knew was that their crook was somewhere down here, and this was the only way to end everything.

Suddenly, Nick tripped over a stone in and stumbled forward. “Gah!”

“Jesus, Carter, put your night vision shades on…”

“I might’ve forgotten them in France.”

“Are you kidding me?” Jay hissed, as the tunnel started angling downward.

“Hey, if we’d just listened to me in the first place… I would’ve never been in France, and we would’ve had the crook by now!”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“No! You trusted a new Double-0 over me. That hurts, Jay! It’s like my instincts don’t matter… I mean, fuck, take me off if you really don’t trust me,” Nick replied angrily. It had been bugging him ever since the whole France incident, especially when he’d later learned DiCrapio had been flirting with the crook in question.

“This ain’t the time for this.”

“Fine, whatever. Let’s just catch this chick and move onnn---Ahhhhh!” he wailed, as he tripped yet again. This time he fell on top of Jay. The two rolled down the rest of the way, landing right in front of a little room. It was cozy, with oriental rugs covering the ground. Lanterns were hung up against the walls, illuminating everything nicely. A beanbag chair was on the floor, surrounded by the various books that had been stolen from around the world.

In the beanbag sat a young, blonde woman, her red trench coat hanging up on a little coat rack fashioned from a protruding stone. She glanced up calmly at the two new guests, who sprung up to their feet immediately.

“Tanja Copenhagen-”

She stood, interrupting them. “Gentlemen, gentlemen… please be careful; these books are priceless gems. I realize you’re here for me, but please, take care.”

Tanja held her hands out, and Jay approached her with the handcuffs. Nick sighed. Well this wasn’t fun at all. What’s the point of chasing someone around the fucking world if they don’t even put up a fight at the end?

A leather-bound book caught his eye, and he bent down to pick it up. He figured he had a free moment. It wasn’t like their crook was protesting or anything. Even Jay was taking a glance around.

Before he could open it, however, his watch beeped yet again before the screen popped up. Pearl’s face was there, smiling at him like always. He was just happy it was Pearl. Between K, and… others, he was starting to wish his watch had a private number.

“Just talked to Vitruvian…”

“Can we not call him that?”

She ignored him. “They just heard from Agent Hank and Agent Tom, who should be arriving at your little hidey hole any moment. Once they do, they’ll lead them down. You should see them soon. So… if you want to look at a certain book…” Her eyes lit up with that impish gleam he always enjoyed. “…and push the blue button as you turn through the pages so that they scan into my database…I’d do it now.” The screen went black.

“Be careful with that book!” Tanja implored, as if it was her firstborn child, rather than something she had stolen.

He opened the book, and his eyes widened. “Holy shitballs…”

Doing as she asked. Page after page. He didn’t have time to read them all, only to scan the titles at the top of the pages. There were so many secrets, so many things he’d suspected about events in history. This book covered them all. He was going to have a field day in the lab later.

Finally, something really caught his eye, and he had to stop. He had to read this right then and there. This was something he’d always wanted to know. And what if it didn’t scan right, or didn’t send? He couldn’t risk not knowing… not when he had the answer in his hands.

Nick read the title again. September 11, 2001.

It was a day no one would or could forget. How could they? His eyes ran over the page, widening at every bit of new information. If any of this got out, it would cause a total uproar throughout the country. This information could change everything. As for Nick, all it did was confirm the suspicions he’d had for a long time.

“I knew it!”


± ± ±
End Notes:
Check out our song parody and interactive website for this episode below.

Where in the World is Tanja Copenhagen?

Song

Website

A 00Carter Christmas: Part 1 by Himitsu Takana
Author's Notes:
This is a special holiday episode of 00Carter. Believe it or not, we started this back in the summer of 2009, and it has taken us 3 1/2 years to get our shit together enough to finish it. This is why we update so infrequently! That said, this episode is posted in its entirety, and we hope you enjoy it! Happy Holidays, and thanks for reading!




Prologue


In a picturesque living room, a snug, oriental rug lies upon a pristine wooden floor, before a roaring fireplace. On the mantle, two stockings are hung with care, displaying the names “00Carter” and “Drums” upon them in red and green sequins. Beside the fireplace is a full Douglas fir Christmas tree, sparkling with a rainbow of lights that make the various ornaments upon it shine. Several adorable children come into the living room from the door leading outside. They shed their winter coats excitedly and sit upon the rug to warm themselves by the fire. On either side of the rug sits a red leather La-Z-Boy armchair.

Two men enter the room as the kids settle down. One displays a charming grin, running a hand through his golden blonde hair. He’s wearing a forest green sweater vest patterned with snowflakes over a cream-colored turtleneck and black slacks he doesn’t look comfortable in at all. The other is disturbing at first glance, despite his passive movements. One eye is missing and replaced by a robotic headband, with a red light blinking where the eye would be. The other, light blue eye looks around the room. His hair is curly and reminiscent of a Chia Pet. He wears a bright red sweater with a large Christmas tree on the front, along with red and green plaid slacks.

The children cheer as the two each smile at them. Each man holds a cup of steaming hot cocoa, as they all quiet down again.

“What a wonderful time of year it is!” says Nick, glancing at Drums.

“Dat’s right,” Drums agrees. “It be da-“

Nick clears his throat. “Ahem. My dear Drums, perhaps we can talk a bit clearer, for our younger guests.” He smirks at Drums, ignoring the look of loathing Drums gives him when the kids aren’t looking.

“Right you are, Nick!” replies Drums. “Pip pip, cheerio! What I meant to say was, it certainly is the best and most joyous time of year! A time for giving…”

Nick nods. “And a time for sharing! It’s a time when all of the fighting and petty things must be put aside.”

Drums swings his arm around Nick, showing a silver hand resting atop Nick’s shoulders. “Right-o! And it’s a time when we can all start anew and forgive all the wrongdoings of the past.”

Nick gives a grin so big, it seems to be testing the endurance of his cheeks. “So we come together now, Himitsu Takana…”

“…and FANS alike,” Drums chimes in, “now at Christmas… here to give you…”

“…a special Christmas treat!” Nick finishes.

“We have for you two tales that show to you dears the true meaning of Christmas!” announces Drums.

“And the lessons that come along with it!” adds Nick.

“So now,” says Drums, “we give you our first holiday tale.”

Each man sits in his respective chair, Nick on the right and Drums on the left. The kids look up at them eagerly with shining eyes.

Nick takes a sip from his cocoa. “Twelve Hours Before Christmas.” He pulls out a slim book with the title on the cover. He shows it to the kids with a smile, before he opens it and begins to read. “’Twas twelve hours before Christmas, and all through HimTak…”


± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 2 by Himitsu Takana
Act I:
Twelve Hours Before Christmas






‘Twas twelve hours before Christmas, and all through HimTak,
All the agents were snoozing; even me, with a snack.
Stockings were hung along dorms with great care,
Even though Agent K really didn't want them there.



Nick found himself falling asleep easier than normal these days. He wasn’t sure why; nothing had changed much. He blamed the weather, in the end; it seemed to make him snooze better than anything else. He’d never been a fan of the cold; it was the reason why he preferred living in Florida or in the Nevada desert, where he currently resided. He munched thoughtfully on popcorn from the bowl beside his bed, left over from the night before. The freak snowstorm that had hit Nevada had made them all suspicious, but after some recon, it seemed the weather was a legitimate result of a bipolar Mother Nature, rather than a weather machine. But he’d slept soundly the night before, causing him to awaken earlier that morning, the time most of the agents arose from bed, which was far from normal for him. Typically, he enjoyed abusing his 00-rank by sleeping in late any chance he could.

Because of this abnormality, Nick finally got up from his snug and warm bed, reaching under it in search of something. With a grin, he found what he was looking for. He stood, wearing nothing but red silk pajama bottoms. Nick swiped a red cap with a green bill, from which hung a sprig of what was clearly mistletoe, in case his Plan A failed. He plopped it onto his head and happily bounded out into the halls to hang the mistletoe above the dorms of certain ladies he knew would appreciate an early visit from “Saint Nick.” The halls showed his handiwork from the day before, each doorway bearing a bright red stocking, garland, and a giant candy cane to commemorate the coming holiday, despite the protests he’d heard from K immediately after.

“Jingle bells, Dr. Rough smells! Drums just laid an egg! The Cartermobile lost its wheel, and damn, FANS got away… hey!” Nick sang as he prowled the halls. “Hmm… new songs now. Deck the halls with K’s bushy brows! Fa la la la la… la la la la… These pants show how well I'm endowed! Fa la la la la… la la la la… Don we now Jay’s tight apparel! Fa la la, la la la, la la la… For HimTak’s world-saving carol… Fa la la la la… la la la la…”


Now the agents were bustling all through the halls,
While Diamond and Lancy made plans for the mall.
Jay with his fedora, me with my mistletoe hat,
Had just parted ways so I could take a nap…



Nick was already regretting getting out of bed, however. His body was protesting the fact that it had to get up earlier, and a yawn easily escaped him, as he hung the final mistletoe above the door leading to Red Jewel’s office. Nick smiled at his handiwork. While Red was actually Jewish, she usually went along with whatever holiday spirit Nick wanted to spread around Himitsu Takana.

And at the very thought of her, she stepped out of her room, already donning her lab coat over a cream velvet, long-sleeved shirt that hugged her curves. Nick quickly cornered her up against the door. What perfect timing, especially with the way she looked. Nick smirked at the thoughts popping into his head. “Jewel!”

She shook her head, laughing as her fiery hair fell into her face. “Mornin’ Nick.”

Nick pointed upwards shyly – well, as shyly as he could pull off, anyway. “Look up…”

Raising a brow, Red simply smirked. “Um… Nick…”

“Saint Nick!”

“Yeah, I’m Jewish, remember? I don’t think mistletoe applies to me.”

“Of course it does! It’s like the law! Plus…” He pointed at the one hanging from the hat he wore. “It’s a double mistletoe, and denying them both can lead to terrible things. It’s like putting a curse on us all!” Nick ran his hands along her arms, his lips getting dangerously close to her neck as he murmured, “Besides, don’t you wanna know what Saint Nick is gonna give you for Christmas? Saint Nick loves all his babies… Jewish or not…”

“Okay, Santa… was I a good girl this year?” Red played along, as their lips met. The two kissed, wrapped up together as their arms snaked around each other. The kiss deepened beneath the mistletoe before, finally, the two had to pull apart for air.

“Oh yeah, you were definitely a really good girl this year. In fact…”

“Niiiiiick!” Nick turned to see Lancybassy in the pinkest and frilliest elf outfit he’d ever seen. Suddenly, he was regretting not putting a shirt on before wandering the halls. Diamond was right behind, wearing an equally skimpy Santa’s Helper costume. Torn between wanting Red, wanting Diamond, and not wanting Lancy, Nick wasn’t sure just what to do. However, his time was up to decide, as they approached the two.

“Did we interrupt something?” Diamond asked, giving him a knowing grin. Nick wanted to think she was jealous, but he knew better.

“Maybe,” he answered, glancing back at Red, who returned to the professional manner that she typically tried to maintain. Damn.

“So, Nicky!” Lancy cried, making him cringe as he noticed that nothing was hidden by the sequined, pink elf outfit his secretary wore. He did a little spin, happily showing it off as the little bell hanging from his hat jingled in response. “You like?”

“Do I want to know where you got that?”

“I made it, of course!”

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” he muttered, as the two beautiful ladies beside him simply giggled at his discomfort. “I’m off to take a nap.” Back to his room he headed, with a wave to Lancy and a kiss blown to both Red and Diamond. To Red, he mouthed, “Expect me tonight,” to which she simply smiled.

On his way back to his room, he passed Agent Jay, who was yet again examining his latest fedora. The man had enough to open a store. Finally, however, he made it back to his room, lying down upon his comfortable bed once more, the hat by his side. Why had he gotten up early? This was far better. Before he could truly nap, however, he was startled by a large crash coming from the floor below. Nick grinned; there was only one place that could be coming from…

Professor Pearl’s lab.


When down in Pearl’s lab there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the lab, I ran like a flash,
I tripped down some stairs, but avoided a gash…



That was reason enough to forget the nap, as he once again grabbed his trusty hat and raced out of his room and down to the level below, where he knew she’d be, with what he hoped would be the best Christmas decoration HimTak had ever seen.

He ran into her laboratory, skidding across the floor like various times before. In fact, it happened so often that Pearl had started threatening to set up an air mattress with his picture on it, just for him to land on anytime he ran in there, hyped up and excited. Catching himself with her main work table, Nick looked around for her and the source of the noise. He spotted Pearl first, wearing a cheery Santa Hat with blinking Christmas lights on it, looking up proudly at her latest creation that was hidden beneath a large sheet. “Nick! I was just about to page your watch.”

“I want one that tells time for Christmas.”

She stuck her tongue out at him, placing her hands on her slim waistline. “Don’t wanna hear it.”

“Come closer, Pearl…”

“Try that mistletoe hat on me, and you won’t like it, Nick,” she replied, but it was between chuckles, and Nick knew she didn’t mean it. “Anyway, you want to see it?”

“Hell yeah! See, when we’re together, we’re geniuses.”

Pearl laughed, her blonde curls bouncing from beneath her Santa hat. “And trouble, of course. I have to admit, this was one of your better ideas I put into action.”

“So come on, show me our brainchild!”

“Alrighty. I give you… the K-Bot!”


And there by the table, I saw standing tall,
My boss, Agent K, not like himself at all,
Decked out like St. Nick, while a happy tune blared,
I was shocked when he smiled, instead of just glared.



She pulled away the sheet, and like the last time she’d done this for him and revealed the car he loved, he was just as amazed. Where the sheet had been stood a twelve-foot-tall replica of Agent K. It looked so lifelike, it blew Nick’s mind. It could pass for K, if not for the height, or the fact that it was completely decked out in a Santa outfit and matching beard. The K-Bot’s cheeks were rosier, and it had a far happier expression upon its face.

Pearl smirked at his amazement. “I know, I’m good. I’m starting to scare myself, honestly. Watch this.” Out came a small remote, similar in style to the one Nick possessed for his Hornet. The K-Bot sprang to life, light appearing within its robotic, green eyes. In true style, it began to shimmy as music played. Then, in a voice that was unmistakably Nick’s, it began to sing.

“K just got run over by a reindeer,
Walking down to HimTak, Christmas Eve.
You may say there’s no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Jay now, we believe.

“He’d been driving Santa crazy,
Bossing him around like an old lady,
But the elves weren’t on vacation;
They got revenge with a reindeer named Grady.”


“How did you get that?” he asked in panic, turning to her.

“Hello, I get all the video feed. I happened to catch that number and program it into his song list.” She gave him a impish smile. “Couldn’t resist. Now, let’s set this baby loose.”

Despite the fact that he should have been more horrified at his own parody coming out of the robot’s mouth, Nick laughed and nodded. “Oh, hell yeah. Wait, K’s gonna be pissed.”

“Don’t worry, it has a sensory system; it should be able to spot and avoid K. I say ‘should’ ’cause, obviously, I couldn’t test that feature without getting caught.” Pressing down on a button, she sent the robot wobbling its way out of the lab, and the two followed, snickering to themselves.

“Remind me to find you come Valentine’s Day…”

“Cupid Jay?”

“Oh yeah.”

The robot caused quite a stir, as it danced its way down the halls, singing as it went. It even, after Pearl pressed a series of buttons, pulled off quite the moonwalk to the tune “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” The two couldn’t stop laughing from around one of the random dorm doors they hid behind, as everyone scoped out their latest prank. From 00-ranking agents to lower-ranking shadow agents and even their secretaries, almost everybody had come to check out what was causing such a stir.

“Can you believe this?”

“K’s gonna kill Carter…and hey, that’ll be fun to watch.” Nick rolled his eyes when he heard Emerald.

“This shit is hilarious!”

“K’s gonna bust a vein when he sees it…”

The next voice they heard came from directly behind them. “If only you two used your powers for good…” Nick and Pearl jumped and turned to see Agent Jay just behind them, scoping out the scene Pearl’s new toy was causing as well. It had moved on to trying to do the Macarena to Nick’s voice singing his version of “Deck The Halls.” Nick was grinning, as Pearl had inadvertently jumped back into his arms. Pearl pushed Jay playfully, rolling her eyes, as she moved away from Nick.

“You scared the crap out of me.”

“Hey, I liked it.”

“You perv.”

“You two better get that back to the lab before K gets a load of that.”

“It’s K sensitive.”

“You sure?”

She looked almost insulted, as she and Nick turned back to Jay. “Of course I am.”

But sure enough, K had spotted the K-Bot as he headed down the hallway, and his face was red enough to match both Nick’s pajama bottoms and Pearl’s hat.


With a look on K’s face so enraged and inflamed,
I had a bad feeling it was me who’d be blamed.
He stared us all down, and the crowd quickly scattered,
Though he called a few back, ones he must have thought mattered.



Jay snickered at the horrified look on the duo’s faces and nodded. “What’d I tell you? I’m out.” And with that, he ducked out the back entrance, before K got any closer. All the agents who had gathered around laughing scattered quickly, like a bunch of pigeons when a car was about to hit them head on.

“CARTER! PEARL!”

They peeked around the corner, both looking at K sheepishly. The vein on his forehead was throbbing. Nick was sure he was going to finally make it burst. Nothing could bulge that much without bursting. Hey, at least I’ll know I accomplished something before he kills me.

“Nick made me do it, K, I swear!”

Nick blinked. “Are you kidding me?”

“Sorry Blondie, but every woman and man for themselves.”

“I need you two downstairs, in your lab, NOW. But do not think I’m going to forget this.”

The two blondes’ gazes met again before looking back at K, who was beyond fit to be tied at this point, as his larger and jollier robot double began doing a booty dance to “Jingle Bells.” They were both unsure of whether they’d infuriate K even more by laughing at the insanity of it. Wisely, they kept their giggles to themselves and quickly made their way down to Pearl’s lab without another word.


“Come Diamond, come Lancy, come Pearl, come Red Jewel!
I’ve got some big news about crimes most cruel!
Come Jay, Nick, and Emerald, I’ll be needing you too,
And Carter – don’t think I’m done dealing with you.”



Soon, they were accompanied by Red, Emerald, Jay, Diamond, Lancy (still in his festive outfit), and even Vitruvian, who had been called down, unbeknownst to them. K looked around and nodded.

“Now that we’re here and acting like mature adults…” He shot a look towards Pearl and Nick, while the others chuckled. K blinked and looked around. “Wait, where’s that damn robot?”

“Well, I used the remote to command it to come down here… but I think it may have a bug in it. ’Cause it started moonwalking again, at like warp speed, and singing like one of the Chipmunks… I need to track it down and disable it manually. I would have, but you seemed pretty serious about me coming down here…”

The vein pulsed again, and Nick was just proud that it wasn’t he who had caused it this time. “Go… do… that… NOW!”

“But… what about the…”

“Jay’ll debrief you, Pearl. Just get that damn thing to stop before I lose what control I have.”

She raced off out of the lab, and Nick stayed quiet. Maybe if he didn’t say anything, K would forget he’d had a large hand in it, as well.

“Carter, don’t think I’m done dealing with you. Now, Jay, will you handle the monitors, please?”

Jay smirked, trying to hide a snicker, and nodded. “Sure.” Displayed on the screen was New York City – or more specifically, Rockefeller Center, with the Christmas tree in all its glory. Nick raised a brow at the screen and saw the others give it the same look, as well.

“We think… well, you won’t believe this… but we believe FANS is about to make their next move.”

“What are they gonna do?” Diamond asked, while texting furiously on her Blackberry.

“We think Dr. Rough plans to steal Christmas.”


± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 3 by Himitsu Takana
As I looked out the window of our private jet,
I couldn’t help wonder if we were there yet.
The last time I flew somewhere cold was due South,
With K’s Country Cousin and his smart-aleck mouth.



“Are we there yet?”

K’s head whipped around so quickly, Nick wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d given himself whiplash. He returned the familiar look K shot him – “The Dirty Brow,” they’d taken to calling it around HimTak – with a big, cheesy grin. Agent K was not amused. “Don’t you start,” he warned Nick dangerously, wagging his finger. “Don’t you dare start, 008, or I’ll pull you off this mission and put you on a plane back to Nevada before you can say ‘Are we there yet?’ again.”

Nick raised his eyebrows. He was tempted to test that theory, but sensed it would be wiser not to push his limits this time. K had been in a downright foul mood ever since Pearl had unleashed the K-Bot. “Bah humbug,” Nick muttered under his breath instead, making a face at K’s back as he turned to face forward again. Bored, he glanced out the small window of the agency’s private plane, but he could see nothing but a sea of gray clouds. It was going to be cold in New York, and Nick hated the cold. But at least it would feel more like Christmas than it ever did in the desert or his native Florida. Nick loved Christmas and all the fun that went with it – Christmas trees, mistletoe, snowballs fights, hot cocoa (shaken, not stirred), and especially Christmas carols. Christmas was the one time of year that he could sing and count on others to sing along, instead of give him strange looks. He decided to test this theory instead.

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,” he started, winking in Diamond’s direction.

She beamed back and sang, “A partridge in a pear tree.”

“Oh no,” Nick heard K groan, as he continued on to the next line.

“On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”

“Two turtle doves,”
sang Diamond and Lancy in harmony, Diamond’s sweet soprano voice blending nicely with Lancy’s deep bass, “And a partridge in a pear tree.”

“Nick…” K growled, but Nick ignored him.

“On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”

“Three French hens,”
Pearl joined in via the video feed on Nick’s watch. “Two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

“I’m warning you, 008…”

“On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”

“Four calling birds…”
Red’s face now appeared alongside Pearl’s on the tiny screen. “…three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

“So help me, I will turn this plane around!”

“You say that every time,” said Nick, grinning as he called K’s bluff. “On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”

“FIIIIIIVE GOLDEN RINGS!”
belted Jay, bumping the ceiling as he threw his arms into the air.

K gave him an incredulous look, as if to say, Not you too!

On and on it went, until even sullen Emerald was singing along. With all of his agents counting down the twelve days of Christmas and the gifts given on each, K had no choice but to join in the caroling. “…and a partridge in a pear tree,” he finished grudgingly, much to Nick’s glee.

“See how singing helps to pass the time?” remarked Nick, clapping K on the shoulder. “Let’s do another one! Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer…

“OHH, no, Carter, no way!” K cut him off quickly. “You keep that up, and I’m going to duct tape your mouth shut.”

Nick grinned. “I’ll still be able to hum!” he announced and did a demonstration by humming the tune he had just been singing.

“Knock it off!”

“This is the song that never ends… oh, it goes on and on, my friends!”

“I’m serious! If you don’t stop now, I’m sending you home… in a body bag!”

Nick snickered. K was frowning so deeply, his brow had started to twitch, almost like Dr. Rough’s eye. Not wanting to give his boss a stroke for Christmas, he stopped singing and looked out the window again. The clouds had started to part, and he could see patches of ground far below. “Hey!” he exclaimed. “I think we’re almost there!”


Moving on, anyway, K soon did announce,
That we’d arrived in New York, and it was time to bounce,
We took a few moments to sit down and think,
Of where we might next find that evil eye’s blink.



Upon landing, they took a shuttle into the city and checked in to the Plaza Hotel, one of New York’s finest. Nick had to hand it to K and Jay – the powers that be enjoyed the finer things in life and had spared no expense in ensuring that their stay in the city would be comfortable. “Merry Christmas to me,” said Nick when he saw the fully-stocked mini-bar in his room, realizing anything he charged would be on HimTak’s dime.

But there was no time to enjoy the cushy accommodations. Nick had barely set down his suitcase when his cell phone rang. Seeing “Grandma” flashing on its screen, Nick groaned. “I just saw you five minutes ago in the lobby, K, what now?” he answered, annoyed.

“And if you’d listened five minutes ago in the lobby, you would have heard me tell the group to meet in my room in five minutes. Which means NOW, Carter.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Nick hung up, then had to call back to find out K’s room number. When he finally made it to K’s suite, the rest of the agents were waiting.

“Took you long enough,” sneered Emerald, back to her usual Grinch self.

“I’m here now,” said Nick, shrugging, as he flopped down onto one of the loveseats, draping his long legs over the arm of the couch and dropping his head into Diamond’s lap. “So what’s up?”

“K was just saying that we need to figure out Dr. Rough’s next move, find out where FANS plans to strike next,” said Diamond, stroking his blonde hair. “It’s Christmas Eve, so if he is planning to steal Christmas, tonight’s the night.”

“We have intelligence that there’s been an increase in home invasions and robberies on Long Island in the last two weeks,” added K. “One witness described a Hispanic man dressed as Santa Claus who had broken into her house and tried to steal her family’s Christmas tree. The police sketch looks remarkably like Dr. Rough – lazy eye and all.” He showed Nick a drawing of a man with dark eyes, one of them half-closed.

Nick nodded. “So when you say he plans to ‘steal Christmas,’ you mean literally STEAL?”

“That seems to be his plan, but this is How– I mean, ‘Dr. Rough’ we’re talking about,” Jay reminded them, “and he dreams big. Just robbing a few houses won’t be enough for him. That’s too small, and we all know ‘Dr. Rough’ hates anything small. He’s got to have something else up his sleeve, something huge. I think the Rockefeller Christmas tree is a target, but K thinks he might have something more in mind.”

“Like what?” asked Nick, looking at K, who also appeared to be deep in thought. “I mean, you can’t really steal Christmas, so all you can steal is the stuff that goes along with Christmas, like the big tree…”

“And the gifts that go under the tree…” added K, and that was when the idea came to Nick.

“TOYS!” he blurted. “He’s going to rob a toy store!”

A rare smile spread across K’s face. If there was one thing Nick Carter knew, it was toys. “I think you’re right,” he said. “And not just any toy store… but the best toy store in New York. Agents…” K looked around the room at the most trusted members of his staff. “I’m counting on you to save Christmas. Jay, I want you and Lancy to go to Rockefeller Center to run surveillance on that tree. Emerald and Diamond, I’m sending you to scope out Radio City Music Hall, in case he tries to take out the Rockettes. And Carter, you’re coming with me.”

“Where are we going?” wondered Nick, his heart accelerating in anticipation.

K actually laughed. “Right across the street.”


Then it hit me at once, like a ton of fruitcake,
If it’s Christmas he’s after, it’s the toys he’ll take!
So off we all rushed to the biggest toy store,
Little did FANS know they’d be leaving there sore.



After crossing the plaza for which the hotel was named, Nick found himself looking up at a giant, waving teddy bear, who was holding three massive toy blocks with the letters F, A, and O. The two-story, glass-fronted FAO Schwarz flagship store on Fifth Avenue was dwarfed by the skyscraper set beside it, but in fact, it was quite huge itself, housing fifty thousand feet of fun inside. As they walked through the front doors, ushered in by a living toy soldier, Nick looked around and realized K had brought him to his own personal version of Heaven.

In his Heaven, there was an ice cream parlor and a candy store, chock full of sweets. And, of course, there were toys – toys, toys, toys, and more toys! Looking around, Nick saw walls of stuffed animals, smiling down at him from their shelves. A life-size stuffed giraffe stood, sentry-like, in front of the display, towering over the other animals. Around the corner was the Puppet Park, where he could create his own puppets and put on a show. There were dolls, toy cars, model trains, board games, books, Legos, and entire department devoted to Star Wars. Forgetting entirely about his mission, Nick decided he was never going to leave this place. He would live and die in FAO Schwarz, then haunt the toy store for the rest of eternity.

But there was work to be done. “Time for some recon,” K whispered to Nick, as they walked around the store. “Let’s split up and start scoping the place out. Look for signs of weakness – possible entry points, opportunities for security breeches – and listen for any information as to FANS’ whereabouts or what they’re plotting. Got it?”

Nick nodded. “Got it,” he replied, though he’d only heard half of what K had said. He was distracted by the elevator in the center of the store, which looked like a robot. The digital sign over the elevator doors read, Go-2-Floor-2. Reading it out loud, Nick chuckled to himself. “Go-2-Floor-2… that’s awesome.”

Following his line of sight, K’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll go to Floor 2,” he decided. “You stay down here.”

“Aww… but!” Nick looked at the signs overheard, directing them to the second floor. “The big piano’s up there!”

“I took piano lessons as a kid. I’ve got this,” K insisted. “Let’s meet by the clock tower in one hour.” He pointed to a tall display of trains, topped by a smiling clock face.

“Alright.” With a sigh, Nick watched K board the robot elevator and ride up to the second floor. Then he turned and wandered back into the stuffed animal section. He had always been an animal-lover and was impressed by the lifelike quality of the plush toys. Maybe he’d buy one to take home as a souvenir – or several to give as gifts to his many Carter girls. He slowly browsed the selection, wondering what each of his ladies would like most. For Diamond, he decided on a white tiger – exotically beautiful, but equally deadly. For Red Jewel, a dolphin – sweet, sensitive, and smart, like her. For Pearl, he needed something more offbeat, something innovative and unique. He chose a platypus – unusual in appearance and equipped with a secret weapon, venom-shooting ankle spurs. It was the perfect pet for Pearl.

As he was poking through the bins of plush animals, picking out his presents, Nick started to get the sense that someone was watching him. Several times, he turned around, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. The store had been busy when he and K had first arrived, but since then, the crowds had started to thin, as shoppers headed home to enjoy their Christmas Eve celebrations. There was no one else in this section of the store – no one alive, anyway. Or was there?

Nick’s eyes narrowed as they panned across a row of plush gorillas. They looked so lifelike, from their soft, black fur to their dark, deep-set eyes, gleaming in the soft glow of the colored lights on the ceiling. They gave Nick an eerie feeling. Then he saw that someone had placed a green elf hat on one gorilla’s head, and he relaxed, smiling. “Aww… what a cute little Christmas ape,” he cooed, reaching out to chuck under the gorilla’s furry chin. The fur was coarse and warm, like a real animal. And if Nick hadn’t known better, he would have sworn he could feel the gorilla’s breath on his fingers. But that was silly. Stuffed animals didn’t breathe. He was probably just standing under an air vent.

But as he withdrew his hand and took a step back, he suddenly stopped. Had he just seen the gorilla blink? He bent down, peering directly into its eyes. And that was when he realized: he wasn’t staring at a stuffed animal. He was nose to nose with another person… a person who looked remarkably like a gorilla… and also somewhat familiar. But Nick knew better than to react right in front of the imposter. “Merry Christmas, Mr. Gorilla,” he said cheerfully, forcing a smile onto his face, and straightened up. He turned and walked away slowly from the stuffed animal display, the platypus, dolphin, and tiger tucked safely under his arms. But the moment he was out of sight, he let the stuffed animals fall to the floor and reached for his cell phone.

“K!” he hissed, once K had answered his call. “I saw something! One of Dr. Rough’s minions is here, hiding among all the stuffed animals.”

“Which one?” asked K.

“I dunno… the one that looks like a gorilla.”

“That would be Wood,” said K at once. “Good work, 008. Stay where you are, and don’t let him out of your sight. I’ll be down shortly.”

With that, he ended the call, leaving Nick to wait and watch for any sign that Wood would try to escape. But he wouldn’t; Nick knew that. No doubt, Dr. Rough had sent the minion to hide inside the store until it closed. Then he would be perfectly positioned to let in the rest of the crooks after everyone else left. It wasn’t a very original plan, but it just might have worked, had Nick not spotted him. “What now?” he asked K, once his superior had come back downstairs.

“Well, we really have two choices, don’t we? We could apprehend him now and haul him in for questioning. Or we could wait to see what he’ll do and hopefully catch him and the rest of the culprits in the act.”

“I say we wait,” Nick suggested, seeing the potential for fun. “I’ve got the perfect plan.”

They had only an hour until closing, but it was enough time. As K used his credentials to ensure cooperation from the store owner and the New York Police Department, Nick scoped out the rest of the store, plotting and scheming. Once the last shopper had been escorted out, he put his plan into action.

He tied buckets of Play-Doh to jump ropes and rigged them over the escalator. He strategically parked Hot Wheels cars on the second floor and stacked piles of bricks near the balcony. He slathered the floor of the ice cream parlor in a coating of chocolate syrup and caramel, and in the candy shop, FAO Schweetz, he filled his pockets with jawbreakers. When the rest of his booby traps were set, Nick took a brand new Red Ryder BB Gun out of its box and loaded it with BBs. Armed with the toy rifle, he made his way downstairs to meet up with K.

“You’ll shoot your eye out,” said K, smirking at the BB gun.

Nick grinned back. “I may shoot someone’s eye out, but it won’t be mine.”

“This gentleman’s about to lock up for the night.” K gestured to the kindly old manager, who had allowed them free reign of his store in exchange for catching the crooks who planned to rob it.

The manager nodded. “Again, I want to thank you both for what you’re about to do,” he said, shaking both of their hands. “You see that tree there?” He pointed to a Christmas tree near the entrance of the store. “To show my appreciation, I’m going to let you select an object from that tree that you can take home with you.”

“For free?” Nick asked eagerly. K elbowed him in the ribs.

“For free,” said the manager with a smile. “And if I might make a suggestion…” He led them over to the large tree and plucked a pair of small, ceramic, white birds from its branches. “Take the turtle doves.”

Nick’s excitement grew. “We could have two??”

“Well, two turtle doves. And I’ll tell you what you do: You keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. As long as each of you has your turtle dove, you’ll be friends forever.”

“Wow… I never knew that,” said Nick. “I thought they were just part of a song.”

“They are. And for that very special reason,” said the store manager, as he handed them to Nick.

“Wow… thanks!” Nick turned the turtle doves over in his hand, wondering which special person he would give the second one to. Diamond Divine… Red Jewel… Professor Pearl… Opal Odyssey… Sapphire Siren… so many special ladies in his life. He simply couldn’t decide, so after the shopkeeper left, he put the two turtle doves back on the tree and chose a pink flamingo in a Santa hat instead. It reminded him of the holidays he’d spent in Florida, growing up. He didn’t have many good memories of childhood, but this time of year, he missed his family more than ever.

“You don’t need that,” K chided him, trying to take the flamingo away, but Nick put it in his pocket.

“You heard the man; he wanted us to take something!” he insisted.

K rolled his eyes. “You’re such a child. But I guess I should be grateful – only a kid could come up with something this creative.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Nick grinned, looking around at his booby traps with glee. K didn’t seem to realize he’d stolen the idea from a movie, but it was better to let his boss think he’d come up with this all on his own.

K shook his head, smiling in spite of himself. “You frighten me sometimes, 008.”

“That’s 00Carter,” Nick corrected.


My creations – they twinkled! They all looked so merry!
K said my idea was so brilliant, it was scary.
Though it made me quite happy, getting credit where due,
I wasn’t sure if he noticed this was so 1992.



Once the store was locked and all but the emergency lights had been shut off, Nick and K snuck up to the second floor, where they could spy on the stuffed animal department from the balcony.

“I hope they’re not gonna wait till midnight to strike, or my ass is gonna go numb from sitting on this cold tile floor,” griped Nick, rising to his knees so that he could rub his butt.

“With all that extra cushion you’ve got?” joked K, watching him with amusement. “Patience, 008.”

“00Carter,” Nick grumbled again,

Thankfully, he didn’t have to be patient for long. They had been waiting less than an hour when they heard the first sign of life: the sound of someone… singing??

“Dude, do you hear that?” asked Nick, looking at K, who was frowning.

“Yeah… but it sounds like it’s coming from this floor. Do you think there could be more than one of them?”

“If Dr. Rough’s anything like you, he doesn’t send his minions on solo missions either.” Nick smirked at K, who ignored him.

“Then again, we are on the doll floor. It could just be one of those dolls that talk.”

Nick shrugged. “Maybe – but then, who set it off?”

K’s eyes met Nick’s, his eyebrows raised. “Who indeed…” he mused, a smile spreading slowly across his face. “Come on, 008. Let’s go investigate.”

Nick didn’t even bother to correct him that time. He scrambled to his feet, grateful for the opportunity to stretch his legs.

The agents drew their guns and crept through the darkness, following the soft strains of song. That was no doll, thought Nick, a sense of anticipation swelling in his stomach as the singing grew louder. It was definitely a human voice… or voices, he couldn’t tell. There seemed to be two of them, one male, the other female.

“I’m a blonde bimbo girl in the fantasy world. Dress me up, make it tight, I’m your dolly,” sang the woman.

“You’re my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour in pink. Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky,” added the man.

Following the sound to its source, K suddenly snapped his fingers and pointed. Following his finger, Nick spotted a pink plastic playhouse sitting in the center of the Barbie section. There was a light on inside, and he could see the silhouette of someone moving around. The two agents snuck closer, surrounding the playhouse.

“You can touch… you can play… if you say I’m always yours…”

Nick peeked into a window of the playhouse. A man was sitting inside, his long legs folded like a pretzel so he could fit. Even so, it looked like a tight squeeze. He was holding a doll in each hand and waving them around as he sang, alternating voices. “I’m a Barbie girl… in a Barbie world,” he sang in a high-pitched voice, making the Barbie doll dance and flip her long, blonde hair. “Life in plastic… it’s fantastic! You can brush my hair… undress me everywhere… Imagination, life is your creation.”

“Come on, Barbie, let’s go party,”
he had the Ken doll sing in a deep voice.

“Oh, I’m having so much fun!” Barbie squealed from the minion’s right hand.

“Well, Barbie… we’re just getting started…” said Ken in his left.

“Oh, I love you, Ken!”

Then the minion brought his hands together and pressed the plastic bodies against one another. After Barbie and Ken had made out for a few seconds, he pulled Ken back. “Sorry, Barbie, but I think I love men.”

“You’re gay?!” screeched Barbie. “But Ken, how could you? How could you lead me on like that?”

“Sorry, Barbie,” Ken said again. “It’s just that everyone expects so much of me. They expect me to be all tough and manly. If Dr. Rough knew he had a gay minion, he’d kick me out of FANS for sure...”
The minion sighed and hung his head, letting the dolls hang lifelessly at his sides as his shoulders slumped, but not before Nick had snapped a picture of him holding them with the secret camera inside Pearl’s watch.

The flash caused the minion to look up, startled. Nick was ready, his Red Ryder BB gun raised. “Hello,” he said and pulled the trigger.

“OW!” screamed the minion, dropping the dolls as he clapped both hands over his eye. “YOU SHOT MY EYE OUT!”

Nick pumped his fist. “YES! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” He leapt to his feet and raced away, counting on the minion to seek revenge. He ran back to the balcony and ducking behind a display, hoping the minion would assume he had gone down the escalator. Hidden out of sight, he held his breath as he heard the minion approach.

The minion didn’t even hesitate before stepping onto the stopped escalator. Nick smiled in anticipation, knowing his plan had worked. As soon as the minion’s foot touched the top step, it slid out from under him. He went down hard on his back and bounced all the way to the bottom of the escalator.

“Nice,” a voice whispered in Nick’s ear, and Nick turned to find K standing next to him, peering over the balcony at the broken body on the floor below. “What did you put on the escalator to make it slippery?”

Nick grinned. “Bubble bath.”

K raised his hand, and Nick slapped him a high-five. It was as if his boss had forgotten all about the K-Bot – a Christmas miracle!

“That you, Knight Rider?”

The two agents looked down in time to see the second minion, the one that looked like a gorilla, scampering over to his fallen friend. He was dressed like an elf from head to foot, which made him look slightly less ape-like, but Nick was still surprised his knuckles didn’t drag on the ground.

“Jon! You okay, bro?” He reached out his hand to the first minion, who was also clad in an elf costume, and helped him up. “What the hell happened to you?”

The minion called Jon cracked his back painfully, still holding his wounded eye. “It was 00Carter. He’s here in the store. He shot my eye out with a BB gun!”

Yeah, that’s right, bitch! thought Nick, smiling to himself. I’m Carter… 00Carter. Remember my name and fear it!

“Are you shittin’ me?! How the hell did he know we was gonna be here?” asked the other minion, Wood, in a thick Boston accent.

“Beats me, but our plan’s a bust if we don’t get rid of him before we do anything else.”

“Well, where’d he go?”

“I dunno, Danny. He’s down here somewhere, I think.”

“We gotta find him! Spread out. I’ll go this way; you go that way.”

The pair of evil elves took off in opposite directions, nearly colliding with each other in their haste. Watching the chaos play out below, Nick couldn’t help but snicker.


We waited and waited, ‘til seven that night,
No Rough did appear, just two elves in our sight.
One had a narrow face and the other a goatee,
One called the other Jon, the other said Danny.
They were dressed like morons – I mean, jolly old elves,
And I tried not to laugh at them, in spite of myself.



He watched as Jon limped to the front of the store, still clutching his eye. The minion stalked among the shelves, walking up and down the aisles, searching behind each checkout counter and around every display. He inspected the Christmas trees at the entrance, ruffling their branches and poking at the ornaments. Nick’s breath caught in his throat as he saw the minion’s fingers close around one of the turtledoves.


My heartbeat grew faster as I watched from above,
As that dumbass Jon reached for the two turtledoves.



Nick heard the kindly old store manager’s voice in his head, saying, “You see, turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. As long as each of you has your turtle dove, you’ll be friends forever.” He knew he couldn’t let a villain take something so pure.

“I’m up here, you morons!” he shouted over the balcony. “Come and get me!”

“Nick, what are you doing?” Kevin hissed.

Nick just smiled. “Watch and learn, K.”

Within seconds, both minions were standing below the balcony, staring up at him. He had them right where he wanted them.

“Let’s kill him!” growled Jon, but Danny caught his arm and pulled him back.

“Hold on, pea brain,” Nick heard him say. “We been busted before because we underestimated that blonde bundle of misery.”

“Bundle of misery?” Nick laughed back at them, reaching for one of the cardboard bricks from his pile. “I got a bundle of misery for ya!” And he lobbed the brick over the balcony.

The brick struck Jon smack dab in the forehead, over his already-injured eye. He staggered backwards, clutching his face.

Nick grinned at Kevin. “Direct hit!”

Danny glared up at Nick. “Okay, prick! You wanna throw bricks? Go ahead! Throw another one!”

So Nick did. It, too, struck Jon in the head, knocking him to the floor.

“If you can’t do any better than that, you’re gonna lose!” taunted Danny, beckoning as if to say, “Bring it on.”

“Danny…” Nick heard Jon’s weak plea, but that didn’t stop him. He threw another brick, connecting with his target once again.

“You guys give up?” he called down to the minions. “Or are you thirsty for more?”

With a growl, Danny charged at the escalator, ignoring Jon’s feeble warning.

“Danny…”

Danny made it halfway up the escalator before he encountered the slippery bubble bath, but the effects were the same: his foot shot right out from under him, and down he went, head over heels, all the way back to the bottom.

“Watch out,” whimpered Jon dazedly, “the stairs are slick.”

“Yeah, thanks for warning me!” grumbled Danny, kicking Jon in the face as he struggled to his feet. “Don’t worry, there’s another escalator in the back. Let’s go!”

This was exactly the move Nick had been counting on them to make, and he was prepared for it. As the minion elves disappeared beneath the balcony, hightailing it for the back escalator, he raced across the second floor, knowing he would beat them there. Here was where he had tied buckets of Play-Doh to long lengths of jump rope. Hidden behind a display at the top of the escalator, he held one of the buckets tightly and listened to sounds of the minions approaching. When he heard them scrambling up the escalator, bickering and cursing the whole way, he swung the bucket of Play-Doh out from behind the display and gave it a push.

“Heads up!” he heard Danny shout, but the loud smack and thump that followed told him someone hadn’t ducked in time. “Don’t worry, Jon, I’ll get him for ya!” Danny vowed, but Nick had already unleashed his second bucket. The “OW!” he heard let him know he’d hit his mark again.

“YES!” Nick hissed.

But the minions weren’t about to give up yet. As they cautiously climbed the escalator, eyes searching the ceiling for falling objects, Nick dodged the fleet of Hot Wheels cars he’d arranged on the floor and hid himself long enough to watch them step on the toy cars, which skidded out from under their feet and sent both minions flying backwards. They slammed to the floor, landing flat on their backs. Sure that the wind had been knocked out of them, Nick snickered to himself and took off running again.

The minions chased him, but he tripped them up with handfuls of jawbreakers, which, when scattered on the floor, were more than just a choking hazard. Once again, the bumbling elves wiped out on the hard floor. Their bodies had to be aching by now, but they were nothing if not determined. They pulled themselves up again, and the chase wound its way through the second floor to the center of the store, where Nick allowed himself to be seen stepping into the elevator.

When he exited on the first floor, Nick turned around and shouted, “Down here, you idiots! Come on and get me before I call the police!”

Little did they know the police were already in on his plot. All they were waiting for was the signal from Kevin to bust in and arrest the two crooks.

“Let’s get him!” cried Jon, turning to run back the escalator, but Danny grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Wait, wait. That’s just what he wants us to do, is to go back downstairs through his funhouse and get all tore up. Come on.”

Jon balked as Danny punched the button for the elevator. “Elevator? I’m not taking the elevator!”

“Why, Jon, you afraid?” Danny taunted.

“What if he cut the cable?!”

“We just saw him go down in it, dumbass! If he’d cut the cable, it would have crashed!” yelled Danny, smacking Jon upside the head.

Of course, it had occurred to Nick to cut the cable, but he’d never seen a robot elevator before. Go-2-Floor-2 was just too cool to break.

Danny convinced Jon to take the elevator down, and the chase continued on the first floor, where the minions skidded across a sticky layer of caramel and chocolate syrup in the ice cream parlor, then followed Nick into Puppet Park, the muppet workshop. Hopping a trip wire stretched between two low shelves, Nick hunkered down to wait and watch his most intricate prank play out.

The two minions stormed in behind him, not bothering to look down until they had already tripped the wire. The wire pulled the triggers of two hot glue guns, one on each side, which doused their heads in piping hot glue. As the glue dripped down their faces, scalding their skin, a bag of stuffing was unleashed over their heads. Feathers and bits of white fluff rained down upon them, sticking to the glue. Even the gorilla-like Danny looked more like an ugly bird than an elfin ape now.

“NOW YOU’RE DEAD!” Danny screamed, but Nick just laughed and ran off, counting on them to keep chasing him.


Now covered in feathers and buckets of tar,
They must not have realized that they wouldn’t get far,
‘Cause onward they went, all through the shop,
Finding more of my traps at every last stop.
I looked down from above as they walked under my feet,
Now it was time to choose which one to beat… up.



“Think they’ve had enough?” K asked Nick, as they stood on the second floor balcony, watching the minions battle through another one of Nick’s booby traps down below.

Nick grinned. “It’s never enough! But if you wanna call the cops, go ahead. They’ve already tripped most of my traps.”

K shook his head. “You are one of a kind, 00Carter. Who knew your childish antics would come in handy one day?”

Nick’s heart – and head – swelled with pride. “Who knew you’d finally get my code name right one day? Thanks, K!”

K rolled his eyes, then placed the call to the NYPD, who were already stationed outside, surrounding the store. Once they got the signal, the police stormed in and quickly overpowered the battered, bedraggled, beat-down minions.

“Wow, this is great,” whispered Nick, as he watched Dr. Rough’s minions being led out of the store in handcuffs. He and K took Up-2-Floor-2 downstairs and were about to follow them out, when K suddenly stopped.

“Hey, Nick, wait a sec,” he said, just inside the entrance of the store. As Nick watched in confusion, K wandered over to the Christmas tree and took off the two turtle doves. “I thought we should take Mr. Schwarz up on his suggestion,” he said, handing one of them to Nick. “You take that one, and I’ll keep this one. As long as each of us has our turtle dove, we’ll be…” K swallowed. “…friends forever.”

“Friends forever?” Nick repeated, raising his eyebrows. “You mean you’re not still mad about the K-Bot? Or about my singing on the plane? Or about that time I wrecked the Cartermobile in Canada and rented a Hummer? Or the time I got you shot at Disney World? Or the time I sneezed and almost got your cousin killed in Antarctica? Or the time I accidentally shot a barrel of Phoenix Suicide and destroyed Drums?”

K’s eyes met Nick’s, looking serious. “I got over it,” he said. “All of it.” Patting Nick’s shoulder, he added, “I know I’m hard on you, Nick, but it’s only because you’re one of my best agents, and I expect the best out of you. And I’ll admit, though your methods are unorthodox, you usually deliver.”

Nick smiled. “Thanks, K,” he said, running his finger down the turtle dove’s smooth back. “Thanks a lot.”

K smiled back. “You’re welcome.” Then he added, “You’d better get started on cleaning up the mess you made in here. I promised Mr. Schwarz we’d leave his store looking the same way we found it.”

Nick’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. “Wait, WHAT?!”

“Merry Christmas, Nick!” K called over his shoulder as he walked out of the store.

Nick jogged after him. “Aren’t you at least going to help me?”

K shrugged a shoulder. “This was your idea. We could have just detained them on the spot and been done with it, but no, you had to go all Home Alone. Never can do things the easy way, can you, 00Carter?”

Not even the correct use of his nickname could keep Nick from pouting. “But… my childish antics are part of my charm!”

K didn’t take his eyes off the squad car into which the two minions were being forced. “You’re certainly behaving like a child who doesn’t want to clean up his room, but somehow, I don’t find it charming.”

Nick rolled his eyes. It was then that he caught sight of something strange in the sky. He did a double take.


As we watched while the cops hauled our crooks far away,
I looked up and I saw a really strange flying sleigh.
It was black with red trim and a ferret on the side,
And who should it be but Drums steering this ride.
My laughter unleashed as he lowered his flight,
With antlers on his head and his nose all alight!



“Dude…” Nick elbowed Kevin in the ribs and pointed. “It’s Drumzy the Red-Eyed Reindeer.”

K snorted and shook his head. “You have got to be kidding me. Where does that guy get funding for these over-the-top gadgets? I mean, a flying sleigh? Really?”

Nick grinned. “This is great,” he whispered again, raising his wrist to capture video footage with his watch. This seemed to really rile Drums, who leaned over the side of the sleigh.


He frowned and he glared, as he shouted to us,
“You won this time, jerks, but you’ll still eat our dus’!
We’ll be back for ya all and ya better beware,
‘cuz when we’re through wit’ you, ya won’t gots a prayer!”



“Y’all say that every time, but you haven’t beat us yet!” Nick shouted back, but Drums didn’t hear him. With a burst of flame from the back of his sleigh, he flew off into the night, disappearing between the skyscrapers. “Damn!” Nick swore. “We should have shot that asshole out of the sky while we had the chance!”


I was pissed that he sped off in such a bright flash,
But K grabbed at my arm as I started to dash.
“It’s not worth it, Carter,” he called out to me,
“It’s already Christmas, let’s go home to our tree.”
Although very surprised at K’s jolly advice,
I had to agree, and for now it sufficed.



± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 4 by Himitsu Takana
It had been a long night. The first light of morning was peeking over the horizon when the agents of Himitsu Takana finally boarded their private plane to take off. They chased the sun all the way back to Nevada, where the sky was as pink as peppermint.

“I can’t believe it’s Christmas morning,” said Nick, as he stepped off the plane and set foot on the dusty ground. To his disappointment, the snow left over from the freak snowstorm had melted. Nevada never felt very Christmas-y, but he supposed it was more similar to where Jesus was born than somewhere with evergreens and snow. That thought cheered him up some as he followed K and the others into their sprawling headquarters.

The remaining members of the agency were waiting to greet them inside, gathered around a gigantic Christmas tree. “Merry Christmas!” they cried, and everyone ran to embrace one another, exclaiming over how lucky it was that they’d made it back in time to celebrate the holiday together.

Nick made sure to spend a little quality time with each of his ladies over the course of the day, but it was Red whom he’d promised himself to, and so, when the festivities had died down, he slipped away to her chambers. In her bedroom, which was lit only by the flickering candles of her menorah, he found her posed seductively on her bed in a sleek negligee. “Merry Christmas, Nick,” she murmured, as he dropped the stuffed dolphin he had brought her, stripped off shirt, and climbed on top of her.

“Happy Hanukkah, Julianne,” he whispered, nuzzling her neck.

“Hanukkah’s been over for nine days,” she said, “but I do have a gift for you.”

He looked down at her. “This isn’t it?”

She smiled an impish smile and slipped her hand underneath one of her pillows, pulling out a small package. “This is part of it.”

He unwrapped the present and wrinkled his nose. “A dreidel?”

Her smile grew. “Not just any dreidel. Look closely.”

He took a second look at the little top and saw that, instead of indecipherable Hebrew letters, each side was inscribed with a set of directions… for different sex acts. Nick grinned, warmth spreading through his body. He could tell by Red Jewel’s bright pink cheeks that she was feeling just as warm. “Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel… with dreidel I shall play!” he sang with excitement, leaning in for a kiss.

It was nearly midnight when Nick finally staggered back to his own dorm, exhausted and sore. He hadn’t slept properly in at least thirty-six hours and was eager to go to bed. But just as he was starting to drift off, he heard something that made him sit bolt upright again.


I finally relaxed as I lay in my bed,
With visions of Red’s “Christmas gift” in my head,
Until I heard bells and a laugh like a boom,
That caused me to run halfway across my room,
Would you believe when I looked out my window that night,
That I got to see Santa before he drove out of sight?
He gave me a smile and a wave of his hand,
“Try harder this year to be good, my young man,
Right now, though, go to sleep! Celebrate your good plan!
I’m very impressed that you knew such a trick,
But I’m mostly quite grateful! Merry Christmas, dear Nick!”



Nick shook his head as he watched Santa’s sleigh getting smaller and smaller as it soared off into the sky. Did that really just happen? he wondered. He knew if he told anyone the next morning, they would say he had just been dreaming.

But as for 00Carter…

He believed.


± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 5 by Himitsu Takana
Interlude



The audience applauds as we return to the room where Nick and Drums sit before a roaring fire, the children gathered eagerly around their feet.

“Wasn’t that a touching holiday tale?” Nick asks them, and the audience applauds in agreement.

“You clownin’, dawg!” exclaims Drums.

“Ah, ah, ah, Drums! Remember our agreement,” Nick warns him. “Only proper English on this most traditional of holidays.”

“Why, of course, 00Carter. My mistake,” Drums admits grudgingly. “What I meant to say was, I think you’re a bit ‘touched’ in the head, my friend.”

“And why would you say that?”

“Because your tale only told half the story. You neglected to show the other side. What was Dr. Rough’s motive for wanting to steal Christmas? And where was Dr. Rough – and I, as a matter of fact, during the whole debacle? While you were tripping up our minions with toys, we were unleashing our mayhem on the rest of the city!”

Nick snorts. “Trying to, anyway!”

“We were!” Drums insists. “And, until you showed up, we were succeeding!”

“Key words there being, ‘Until we showed up,’” laughs Nick. “HimTak always wins, Drums, just as good always triumphs over evil. When are you going to get that through your curly, misshapen head?”

Glaring, Drums starts to rise from his seat. “Why, you little-”

“ANYWAY!” Nick continues loudly. “You do make a good point, Drumzy, old pal. There is another side of this story to be told, so why don’t you tell us now?

Drums settles stiffly back into his seat. “As a matter of fact, I think I will.” Regaining his composure, he opens the book on his lap. “And now for our second tale… of ‘How Dr. Rough Stole Christmas.’”





± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 6 by RokofAges75
Act II:
How Dr. Rough Stole Christmas






Snowflakes fell from the twilit sky, each one unique and pristine. They covered the crowns of the tallest trees, dotting the leaves like dandruff. They blanketed the branches below. They carpeted the soft floor of the swamp in a thick layer of white, unsullied but for the trail of muddy footprints that led to a thick, green cypress tree, around which a number of men stood.

“Timber!” shouted one of them suddenly, as the cypress began to wobble.

“-lake!” added a second man, grinning impishly at the others before scrambling out of the path of the falling tree.

“D-don’t let Drums hear you saying that, Danny,” warned a third man, his willowy frame trembling. “You know he doesn’t go by that name anymore.”

“Oh, don’t get your tighty-whities in a wad, New Kid,” retorted Danny, rolling his eyes. “You know Drums ain’t around. Drums is too good, too important, to do something as trivial as cut down the FANS Christmas tree.”

“Drums has s-served us well,” stammered Donnie, his rat-like eyes shifting around nervously. “He’s been a most f-faithful servant to our master.”

“What a crock of bull,” spat Danny venomously. “We’ve all been in Dr. Rough’s service much longer than he has. But oh, Drums gave his right hand for FANS, so Drums gets rewarded. The favoritism in this terrorist league is nauseating.”

“Can it, Wood,” snapped the first man. “Let’s get this tree back to the base and decorate it so we can show Dr. Rough. Then maybe we’ll be rewarded for bringing the Christmas spirit to the FANS headquarters.”

“Good idea, Jon,” agreed Donnie, nodding eagerly. “L-let’s go. Heigh-hoooo!” he suddenly sang out, his anxious squeak of a voice deepening into a strong baritone.

“Heigh-hoooo!” echoed the Merry Minions.

“Heigh-ho,” sang Jon.

“Heigh-ho,” growled Danny.

“Heigh-hoooo!” trilled Donnie.

“Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho!” they chorused, “It’s home to FANS we go!” And they whistled cheerfully as they hoisted the fallen tree onto their shoulders and marched off through the snow-covered swamp. “Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! It’s home to FANS we go!”

Still whistling, they trooped through the muck, shouldering the massive cypress, until the surrounding trees began to thin. By the time they stepped into the shadow of the looming FANS fortress, their tune had changed.

“Fah who for-aze, dah who dor-aze,” sang the minions, as they carried the tree into the building. “Welcome Christmas, bring your light!”

“Fah who for-aze, dah who dor-aze,”
they continued on, while they set the tree up and strung it with twinkling purple lights. “Welcome in the cold dark night!”

And when the cypress was fully trimmed, with tinsel and garland, ornaments and embellishments, they stood in a circle around it, their hands clasped together, and chorused, “Welcome Christmas, fah who rah-moose! Welcome Christmas, dah who dah-moose! Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart and hand in hand…”

Bathed in a ring of soft, lavender light, the minions were oblivious to the short man who skulked in the shadows, watching them with one eye twitching furiously, his lip curling up in a sneer.


Every agent down at HimTak
Liked Christmas a lot,
But DR. ROUGH,
The nemesis of HimTak, did NOT!



From his shadowy corner, Rough scowled at his minions, who were still singing, “Fah who for-aze, dah who dor-aze, welcome Christmas, come this way! Fah who for-aze, dah who dor-aze, welcome Christmas, Christmas Day!”

They sang with their eyes closed, big cheesy grins splitting their faces. They sang with their hands swinging, their heads bobbing in time to their song. They sang without worry. They sang without shame. They sang without money or promise of fame. “Welcome, welcome, fah who rah-moose! Welcome, welcome, dah who dah-moose! Christmas Day is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp! Fah who for-aze, dah who dor-aze…”

Dr. Rough could take it no longer. “ENOUGH!” he bellowed, storming out of his corner. The minions stopped in their tracks, quickly dropping hands.

“Dr. Rough!” exclaimed Jonathan Knight, the first to recover from his shock. “Your timing is impeccable! We just finished trimming the tree.”

“Tree!” spat Dr. Rough. “What tree?”

“Well, this tree, sir,” replied Jon, gesturing to the towering cypress, all bedazzled in shimmering silver and violet. “The FANS Christmas tree!”

“Christmas…” Dr. Rough’s sneer became more pronounced. He narrowed his eyes, the left one still twitching. “I hate a number of things, as you well know. Himitsu Takana. Incompetence. The word ‘short.’”

“Don’t forget the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride at Disney World,” inserted Abs Breen helpfully. Dr. Rough flashed him a seething stare. If the prototype of his death-ray spectacles were finished so that looks could kill, Abs would have dropped dead in an instant. As it was, he merely ducked his head, muttering, “Never mind.”

Dr. Rough cleared his throat importantly before continuing his monologue. “But if there’s one thing I hate above all others… well, perhaps not the three others I mentioned, but certainly all the other others…” He paused for suspense, while the minions waited with bated breath. “…it’s CHRISTMAS!”


Dr. Rough hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
You wanna know why? I'll tell you the reason:



“Christmas!” gasped the minions, looking in disbelief from their festive swamp tree back to their outraged leader. “But why?”

“I’ll tell you why,” growled Dr. Rough. “Christmas has become so commercial. It’s not about Jesus anymore; it’s about Santa Claus. Santa Claus… what a disgusting heap of lard. He’s a hero in children’s eyes, all because he brings toys to the whole world on Christmas Eve. He and his reindeer – mangy, mutated beasts – take all the credit for the joy and excitement the children feel on Christmas morning, but they aren’t the real heroes. They only deliver the toys. Santa Claus is merely a mailman in a souped-up sleigh. The real heroes are the creators, the masterminds behind the toys: the toymakers themselves. The elves.”


It wasn't that his head wasn't screwed on quite right;
Dr. Rough hated Christmas because of his height!
Though twisted and evil, he had pity for all
The creatures mistreated because they are small,
And Santa, you see, works his elves like they're slaves,
Forcing them to make toys without makin’ bank.



“Santa’s elves are slave labor,” Dr. Rough ranted on. “Unpaid, uncredited, unappreciated. There aren’t even any Christmas songs about elves!”

“Why, yes there are,” spoke up Abs again. “There’s that tune from the old Rudolph special, ‘We Are Santa’s Elves.’ You know… ‘We are Santa’s elves… filling Santa’s shelves… with a toy for each girl and boy, oh, we are Santa’s-’

“SILENCE!” roared Dr. Rough. “Enough singing!”

“Sorry,” muttered Abs, seeming to shrink again slightly.

“Santa’s elves!” Dr. Rough spat. “Santa’s elves! Like they’re his belongings… his playthings… his property! Slaves, I tell you. Slaves! And all because they’re different! All because they’re short!”

The minions exchanged knowing looks.

“You’re absolutely right, Dr. Rough,” Jon piped up. “I never saw it that way before, but you make a good point. The commercialism of Christmas is only perpetuating the problem of slave labor in the North Pole. So what are we going to do about it?”

For the first time, Dr. Rough smiled. His eyes gleamed, reflecting the purple light from the tree. “So glad you asked,” he simpered dangerously.


Plotting deep in his lair, with his trademark eye twitch,
Dr. Rough forged a plan to fix this injustice,
For he knew the whole world, which would soon be his,
Was supporting slave labor by asking for gifts.



“Please don’t tell us you want to bomb the North Pole,” pleaded Jeff Timmons. “The South Pole was bad enough! I mean, unless you’re gonna send MJ with a pack of explosives strapped to his chest…”

Joey Fatone suddenly gasped. “Dr. Rough would never do that to MJ! Would you?” he asked Dr. Rough uncertainly.

“Of course not,” Dr. Rough replied coolly. “I’d send the underling who deemed it acceptable to use the prototype of my weather machine – the last remaining model of the device, I should add, since those meddling agents of Himitsu Takana confiscated the finished version we installed in the Magic Kingdom – to dump a blizzard of snow on the Everglades, thus attracting unwanted attention to our little hideout.” His eyes bored into Joey’s; he knew exactly who was responsible for using his weather machine without permission.

Joey gulped. “Sorry, sir, my bad. I just thought a little snow would add to the festive atmosphere around here. It won’t happen again.”

“Festive atmosphere,” sneered Dr. Rough. “It had better not happen again. The last time you used my weather machine to make it snow, Himitsu Takana took notice and came to foil my plans once again. Do you want this plan to be foiled as well?”

“What is your plan, Dr. Rough?” asked Danny.

“As I was about to explain, before I was so rudely interrupted,” growled Dr. Rough, with a beady look at Jeff. “I was in my chamber the other night, watching my VHS copy of ‘Blue Toes the Christmas Elf,’ and I was thinking about poor Blue Toes and how he sacrificed so much to make the children happy and please his master, despite the appalling mistreatment he’d been forced to endure for the first twenty minutes of the program.

“And I thought, ‘I just cannot stand for such abuse to continue. I am a powerful man… In fact, soon, I’ll be the most powerful man in the world. Surely, I can do something to sabotage Santa’s sadistic slavery,’” he hissed. “But what? So I plotted and I schemed… I schemed and I plotted… and at last, it came to me.”


"I'll start a revolution!" he snarled with a sneer.
"A crusade, a boycott of Christmas this year!"
Then he growled, with his left eye nervously twitching,
And thought, "This will never work how I'm wishing!"

For tomorrow, he knew, all the mamas and pops
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush to the shops!
They'd buy all the toys made in sweatshops by elves.
With those Black Friday deals, why, they'd clear the shelves!

And the elves, young and old, wouldn't earn a dime
For all their hard work and all of their time.
Santa, the Big Man, would make a gold mine
Off the little guys' work on the assembly line,
Which was something Dr. Rough thought just didn't seem right!

And the more he thought of this elf injustice,
The more Rough thought, "I must stop this whole mess!
But change doesn't come without shit going down.
I MUST start a jihad on Christmas!
...But HOW?"



“You see, I knew merely boycotting the holiday would never be enough,” Dr. Rough went on. “Even if we used the hypnotic device again to brainwash people into following the boycott, it wouldn’t be enough. We must make them pay for their commercialistic greed! We must steal their Christmas spirit away!”


Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
DR. ROUGH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!



“Steal…” he mused. “Yes… that’s what we’ll do.”

“Dr. Rough?” asked Jon.

A devious grin split the FANS leader’s face. “Without money, greed, and Christmas spirit, there will be no demand for toys. The basic economic principle of supply and demand dictates that without demand, there is no need for supply. And if toy supplies are no longer needed, neither is elf labor. Santa will let his elves go. They’ll be freed!

The minions began to nod, still listening closely, rapt and attentive. Dr. Rough was enjoying himself, enjoying the way he could still keep them spellbound with this grand schemes.

“So all we must do,” he went on, “is kill the Christmas spirit, leave families so hopeless and destitute that they long for only the necessities, not frivolities like toys. We must… STEAL CHRISTMAS!”

The minions gasped in delight. “It’s genius!” they cried. “Brilliant! Unheard of!”

“But… Dr. Rough,” the irritatingly English voice of Abs rose above the others. “Beg pardon, sir, but I thought perhaps you might tell us… how precisely do you expect to – as you put it, sir – steal Christmas? Pardon my skepticism, master, but it seems a bit… ambitious.”

The light left Dr. Rough’s eyes, as they darkened with rage. “Ambitious,” he snorted. “Of course it’s ambitious! When have I ever conjured up a plan which was not ambitious?! You think I am incapable of carrying out an ambitious scheme?”

“I… n-no, of course not, dear master,” Abs sputtered, chortling nervously. “I merely queried-”

“Save your queries!” shouted Dr. Rough. “There’s no need to question a leader of my brilliance. I’ve thought through every detail, and I know just what to do. Now, gather round, my minions, and listen to the plan.”


"I know just what to do!" Dr. Rough told his crew,
And he rented a Santa suit and some elf costumes,
And he cackled and crowed, "What a genius I am!
With these festive costumes, we'll stick it to The Man!"



“Brills!” exclaimed Abs, looking at the selection elf costumes draped across the furniture. “Which one will you be wearing, master?”

“I?” Dr. Rough looked affronted. “I will be wearing the Santa suit, naturally. What did you think, that I would be dressed as an elf??”

“Well, I merely thought… for authenticity’s sake…”

“Better quit while you’re ahead, buddy,” muttered Joey out of the side of his mouth.

But it was too late; Dr. Rough had already caught the meaning. “Are you calling Dr. Rough… short?” he asked in a deathly whisper.

“N-no, Dr. Rough, of-of course not!” insisted Abs, his eyes widening in terror.

“FATONE!” roared Dr. Rough. “Take our friend Abs to my lab. He’ll serve me best as a guinea pig for the tests on my death-ray spectacles! Let me know when you succeed in vaporizing him!”

Joey cleared his throat awkwardly. “You got it, Dr. Rough,” he said, reluctantly taking Abs by the arm.

As he dragged him off, the other minions could hear Abs screaming, “No, wait! Dr. Rough, please! I didn’t mean it! Honest, I didn’t!”

The door slammed shut, muffling his pleas. The remaining minions watched their master warily, waiting for orders. “Well?” said Dr. Rough. “What are you waiting for? Grab a costume! The Santa suit is mine.” With that, he walked off, slinging a garment bag containing the red velvet suit over his shoulder, and disappeared behind a screen to change.

Quickly, the minions scrambled into action. Articles of bright green and red clothing were thrown hither and yon, as the minions selected elf tunics to wear. Spandex snapped, as the minions pulled festive tights over their hairy legs. Bells jingled, as they put on curly-toed shoes and pointed hats. By the time Dr. Rough emerged from behind the screen, decked from head to toe in red velvet trimmed with white fur, all of the remaining minions stood before him in flamboyant elf ensembles, shifting their weight uncomfortably from foot to jingle-belled foot.

“Hm…” Dr. Rough stopped to survey them, stroking his long, white beard. “Some of you are a little large to be elves, but I suppose you’ll do. The silly children will be fooled, in any case. Children will believe anything.”

The minions snickered. But then Danny spoke up, “How we gonna break into their houses to steal all their stuff, Dr. Rough? It won’t exactly fool them if we break the windows or kick down the doors, will it?”

“Of course not, you fool,” retorted Dr. Rough. “We won’t need to break windows or doors – those are the tactics of amateurs. No, we shall do this the right way: We’ll land on the roof and come down the chimney.”

The minions exchanged uneasy glances, but Dr. Rough laughed. “You underestimate me! I see the looks on your faces – you think my plan won’t work!”

“We’re just, uh… just a little unsure about the logistics, Dr. Rough,” said Jon.

“Ah… but you haven’t seen the best part of my plan, the element I’ve been working on in secret ever since the first Christmas commercials began airing on Halloween night. Follow me to the garage.”

There was a bounce in Dr. Rough’s step as he led the minions down to the ground level, where an expansive garage held all of their vehicles. The raised heels of his black, leather boots clicked on the concrete floor as he strode over to a remote corner, where a tarp covered a vehicle the size of a small speedboat.

Dr. Rough cleared his throat and grandly announced, “Feast your eyes upon…” He whipped off the tarp so fast that it flew up into his face, and the momentum thrust him backward, knocking him off his feet. “Oof!” The wind rushed out of him, as he landed hard on his rear, the tarp pooling on top of him.

“M-master!” squeaked Donnie, hurrying to pull the tarp off of him. He offered Dr. Rough one pale, trembling hand, which Dr. Rough ignored, scrambling to his feet and dusting off his red velvet backside.

“…my sleigh,” he finished, though the grandeur had gone from his voice.

The minions turned their attention back to what had formerly been covered by the tarp. Dr. Rough felt better when he heard their awed intake of breath, as their eyes took in the sight of a large, shiny, black sleigh, customized with a decal of Dr. Twitches in a red nose and Santa hat and the FANS logo in small, silver lettering.

“It’s beautiful, master,” Jon was the first to proclaim. “Does it fly?”

“Of course it flies. It’s equipped with twin jet engines and a high-tech GPS navigation system,” boasted Dr. Rough with pride. “It even features a missile launcher and aerosol spray tank filled with the last of our FANthrax supply, should we need to attack. But the important thing is, it will get us around efficiently enough to steal Christmas from New York. There will be no brotherly love in the city after twelve days of Christmas robberies.”

“Brotherly love? Isn’t that Philadelphia?” asked Danny.

“IRRELEVENT!” snapped Dr. Rough. “What matters is, we have our sleigh, and we have our elves. All we need now… is a reindeer.”

A reindeer! The minions, in their ridiculous elf costumes, looked around at each other. Wherever would they get a reindeer in this part of the country?


All we need is a reindeer..." Dr. Rough started to say,
But, see, reindeer don't live in the Everglades.
Did that stop Dr. Rough? Oh hells no, no way!



At that moment, a horrific, metallic grinding noise caused them all to jump and cringe, clapping their hands to their ears. They looked up towards its source and saw Drums standing beside a cement pillar, his hook raised. He had scraped it down the pillar to get their attention.

“God damn, Drums, couldn’t you have just said hi?” Jeff complained.

“Hi,” Drums deadpanned.

“Never mind that,” Dr. Rough quickly interfered. “What is it, Drums?”

“I been sent to tell ya dat Fatone done managed to burn Abs wit dose death-ray specs. He ain’t dead, though,” relayed Drums, in a bored voice. “Wuzzup wit all dis?” His robotic red eye shifted from the sleigh to the oddly-dressed minions.

“I’ve just been briefing the minions on our next mission,” said Dr. Rough. “And I do believe we’ve found the solution to our current problem…”

For he was suddenly staring into Drums’s single red eye, the eye which he himself had implanted into his protégé’s empty socket. He had grown so used to it that he hardly remembered what Drums had looked like before, when he was the miserable HimTak outcast he’d been when Dr. Rough had recruited him. But now, it was as if he were seeing the eye for the first time.

He cleared his throat and smiled quite fondly at Drums and said,

“Drumzy, with your eye so bright… won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”


"If I can't find a reindeer, then Drums will guide my sleigh!"
"Aw, hells no, dat's whack!" I cried in dismay.
"But Drums, you've got the red eye to light my way!"



“No. No way. You trippin’, D-Rough. Ain’t no way I be puttin’ antlers on mah head like some effed-up cyborg Rudolph,” protested Drums.

Dr. Rough was still smiling. “Nonsense. We need you, Drums. Even the silliest of children wouldn’t believe in a sleigh without a reindeer. You’ll be perfect. And, of course, if you still need a little… persuasion… never forget that Dr. Rough rewards his helpers.”

And from within a large, burlap sack that lay across the seat of the sleigh, almost as if he had planned this, Dr. Rough retrieved a small package, wrapped in silver paper. He held it out to Drums.

“Wuz dis?” Drums asked suspiciously.

Dr. Rough kept smiling. “Open it.”

Drums hesitated, but his curiosity got the better of him. He ripped the shiny paper with one swipe of his hook, then shook it off with his good hand to reveal a handsome, black leather case. He used the tip of the hook to pry up the top. For a moment, he could only stare, his eyes wide and awed. Then he looked up at Dr. Rough. “Dr. Rough,” he whispered. “Master… it’s beautiful… thank you… thank you.”

The minions watched curiously as Dr. Rough reached into the box Drums still held and pulled out a gleaming replica of a human hand. Shining, bright as moonlight, it looked as if it had been made of molten silver, an exact mold of Drums’s severed hand.

“I’ll attach it before the thirteenth of December, if you agree to be our reindeer,” promised Dr. Rough.

It was an offer Drums couldn’t refuse. That was why, on December thirteenth, he found himself wearing a jumpsuit of thick, matted brown fur, a pair of heavy antlers tied down to his head, and a bulbous clown nose to match his eye. “You’s a mean one… Dr. Rough,” he sang under his breath, flexing the shining fingers of his new hand, now attached seamlessly to his arm, as though he were wearing a dazzling silver glove. “You really… is… a heel. You’s as cuddly as a cactus; you’s as charmin’ as an eel, Dr. Rou-ough! You’s a bad banana wit a… greasy black peel!”

He picked up a small twig on the ground and crushed it into powder.


SO… He dressed me in fur, stuck some antlers on my head.
I didn't feel like no pimp; I'da rather been dead,
But Dr. Rough said, "Too bad!" and made us start packin'
And flew us to New York to put his plan into action.



± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 7 by Himitsu Takana
The brisk air whipped Dr. Rough’s face as he surveyed the New York skyline from above in his high-tech sleigh. “What a perfect night to dash the hopes and dreams of all the families sleeping soundly in their beds,” he remarked fondly, and a soft chuckle escaped his lips. He continued to gaze out into the night sky, looking for the perfect house to begin his raid. “Eureka!” he shrieked as he spied the perfect house.


All the windows were dark. All the doors were locked.
All the New Yorkers were dreaming sweet dreams and nice thoughts,
When the FANS agents came to the new house on the block.
"This is stop number one," the evil Dr. Rough hissed,
And he sent Donnie to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

The minion slid down the chimney, a rather tight squeeze,
But if fat Santa could do it, so could little Donnie.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two,
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue,
He brushed himself off, then scurried to the door
To let in the others, tracking soot on the floor.



Pushing the coughing Donnie aside, Santa Rough strode in to inspect the room. The tree glistened with twinkling bulbs of red and green; ornaments obviously made by children adorned the branches. The lights reflected on the presents below, the boxes wrapped neatly with big, shiny bows. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation of ruining this family’s Christmas.

“It’s so beautiful,” Donnie sighed.

“You know your jobs!” Santa Rough snapped, glaring at the underling.


Then we slithered and slunk, with smiles most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and we took every present!
Barbies and Furbies and flat-screen TVs!
Legos and iPads and Nintendo Wiis!
And we stuffed them in bags, till they'd hold no more.
Then we hauled all our loot, bag by bag, out the door!



He giggled with glee as he threw all the toys in his bag, inspired by his own dastardly deeds. Once he had emptied all the presents from the tree, he glanced around, looking for what else to take. He spied the stockings hung from the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nick would soon be there. A snort of laughter escaped from Dr. Rough, as he unhooked the first stocking and shoved it in his bag. “Bah, humbug!” he yelled and dragged his arm across the mantle, knocking in the stockings and ivy and the little porcelain Christmas village that looked like The North Pole.

Into his bag, he threw the cookies and milk, no doubt set out by some children, hoping to bribe the big fat man enough to give them more of the toys made by his slave labor. He growled as he threw the carrot left out for the reindeer. “They leave something for the dumb beasts, but do they think to leave anything for those who made the toys!”

“Dr. Rough, Dr. Rough!” Donnie came running into the room.

“Every operation, he’s gotta go yellin’ my name.” Dr. Rough reeled around to face the culprit, almost knocking the silicone elf ears off the minion. His anger flared more when he noticed that Donnie was munching on a leg of turkey. He raised his hand, ready to strike a blow of annoyance, when a thought crossed his mind. Stealing the toys and gadgets stuffed under the tree would certainly hamper the Christmas spirit, but taking the food meant for the feast would crush them. Snickering sinisterly, he tiptoed into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and started to fill his bag to the brim. Up to the roof, he went, and even the sight of his elves and Drumzy the Reindeer sitting around in the sleigh could not cause the smile to fade from his face.


In his tricked-out red sleigh, Rough packed it with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Doc, "We will go steal the tree!"



Carefully, Dr. Rough made his way back down the chimney to steal the last remnants of Christmas in this house, before moving on to the next. He stood in front of the tree, realizing what a large undertaking putting the tree up the chimney would really be. The clock chimes reminded him just how little time there was and how much Christmas there was to steal, so, bending with his knees, he started to lift the tree. Unable to stand upright again once he had it, he decided to drag the monstrous fir to the chimney and then shove it up, where, surely, one of his subordinates would notice and help pull it up.

Wrapping his arms around the middle of the tree, he started to drag it, but stopped short when he felt a poke in his back. “Donnie, I thought you were supposed to be on the roof, waiting to help with this tree,” he growled and turned to face the insubordinate elf. Instead, he saw a little girl with black hair bobbed right below the ears, carrying a stuffed monkey and wearing a backpack.


Dr. Rough grabbed the tree, and he started to push,
'Til he felt a small hand poke him hard in the tush.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small niña,
Little Dora the Explorer, who cried, "Papa Noel! Nice to meet ya!"



“Santa?” the little girl spoke.

“Why, yes, it’s me, the jolly man in a fat suit, here to brighten your evening.” He let out a “Ho, Ho, Ho!” for good measure. “And what are you doing up so late, little girl? You know that you do not get any toys made by underpaid and overburdened elves if you are awake when Santa… er, I come.”

“I was thirsty,” the little girl replied, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. As if to prove her point, she lifted the glass of water high for Santa to see. She did not want her thirst to be the reason Santa thought she was one of the naughty children who try to peek early. “Santa?” she questioned, having looked around the room. “Where are you taking the Christmas tree?”


Dr. Rough had been caught by this cute Latina daughter,
Who'd gotten out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at Dr. Rough and said, "Papa Noel, why?
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?"



Dr. Rough looked at the young girl and thought for a minute or two, and before long, he knew just what to do. “Ah, you see, little one, there is a light on the tree, just there, you see, that won't light anymore. I am taking it back to my shop for the underappreciated elves to fix, so that, on Christmas morning, you will be able to fully enjoy your gift-opening experience under the glow of all the lights on the tree.”


But, you know, Dr. Rough is so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, mi dulce niña," the fake Santa Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
I'll whip my elf slaves till they fix it and bring it back here."



The little Latina looked up at Santa's face and back to the tree. She thought about it for a moment and thought some more. She whispered to her monkey friend and then said, “But there aren't any lights out on that tree. Liar!” Fixing Dr. Rough with an accusatory stare, she pointed her bony, little finger straight in her face. “Why would you have to take it all the way back to the North Pole to fix one little light? My dad keeps an extra string or two in the basement for such an occasion. But if you were the real Santa, you would know that already.”

She turned to the monkey again, like it was speaking to her. “You're right, Boots; he doesn't have a white beard. Why don't you have a beard? Why is your skin so dark? And what is up with your EYE?” She pointed to his eye that was starting to twitch with irritation. “You aren't even fat, and everyone knows Santa has a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly. Not to mention your height. You are much too short to be the real Santa!” the girl exclaimed.


Dora stared up at him and said, "That's a lie!
If there's a bulb that's burnt out, just get a new string of lights!
You're not the real Santa; you don't have a white beard!
Your skin is too dark, and your eye twitches weird!
Santa's s'posed to be fat, with cheeks like a cherry torte,
But you're much too skinny, small, and SHORT!"



“Short? Short?!” Dr. Rough threw the tree a full half an inch across the room and stormed closer to the girl.

The girl with the bobbed hair backed up only slightly, as the short Santa approached.

“You and that blonde brat Carter will be the first on my naughty list when I rule the world. You should bow to me now, and I might forgive.” Dr. Rough stood with his hands on his waist, waiting for the girl to bow, literally, to his whim.

The girl did not hesitate. From her backpack, she whipped out a can of mace. “Santa, no swiping!” she yelled and sprayed the mace in his face.


Ohh bitches, it was on! Rough drew back with a scowl.
"You insolent brat!" he hissed. "Watch your mouth!
When I rule the world, those who mock me shall suffer!
Starting with you and that meddling Carter!
You'll pay for all your tormenting and sniping!"
But Dora just screamed, "SANTA, NO SWIPING!"



“Ow!” screamed the evil Claus.

“Santa, no swiping!” The little girl turned to an imaginary audience. “Help me keep Santa from swiping. Say it with me: Santa, no swiping!”

“Who the hell are you talking to?” Dr. Rough screamed, rubbing his eyes. “You are a crazy little bitch!” Eyes streaming, he turned to Donnie, who had managed to sneak back down the chimney to see what was taking his leader so long. “The tree, the tree!” Dr. Rough shouted and, half-blinded, managed to follow his minion elf back up the chimney.

“Ha!” he yelled down the chimney at the girl still screeching.

“Santa, no swiping! Santa, no swiping! Santa, no swiping!” she wailed, her eyes closed and her hand outstretched, palm open flat towards the chimney. Dr. Rough could see lights turning on in the house, as well as a few turning on across the way.


"NO SWIPING, SANTA!" she continued to shriek.
Doors opened, and lights flipped on across the street.
"Bail!" Dr. Rough cried, as he fled to his sleigh.
In piled the minions, and we raced away,
Leaving Dora's family in their empty house,
With nothing but a crumb too small for a mouse.



Back in the living room, the girl sat down, a single tear trickling from her eye. Nothing was left in the house for the celebration on Christmas Day.


± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 8 by RokofAges75
In eleven days, FANS robbed near a dozen more houses
Leaving crumbs much too small for a dozen more mouses
And on the twelfth day, the twenty-fourth of December,
Passing skaters in the Plaza, enjoying the weather,
Dr. Rough sent his minions on the ultimate scheme:
Rob FAO Schwarz and blow up the big tree!



Even Dr. Rough was in a festive mood on Christmas Eve. He sang under his breath as he and his merry minions marched up 49th Street. “On the twelfth day of Christmas, my minions stole for me…”

“Twelve cookies waiting,”
sang Joey, patting his belly appreciatively through the green tunic that was stretched so taut across its girth, the seams threatened to split.

“Eleven carols playing,” chimed in Abs, whose eyebrows had been scorched clear off (though, to his relief, the death ray spectacles were not yet fully operational).

“Ten pies-a-baking,” added Justin Jeffre, just happy to have a part at last – and pie, of course.

“Nine gifts-a-stacking,” crooned his buddy Jeff, carrying a bulging package in his hands.

“Eight light-up reindeer,” followed Jacob, his dreadlocks dancing on his shoulders beneath the elf hat perched jauntily on his head.

“Seven blow-up snow globes,” articulated Erik, adjusting the crotch of his flaming red tights.

“Six plastic Santas,” belted Dan, too boring to warrant further description.

“Five holly wreaths,” trilled Trevor, tripping over the curly toe of his shoes.

“Four j-jingle bells,” squeaked Donnie, shaking in his own elf boots.

“Three stockings,” intoned Brad, satisfied with his three notes.

“Two mistletoe,” descended Devin, bowing towards his master.

“And a trimmed family Christmas tree!” finished Dr. Rough grandly, outstretching his arms toward the colossal Rockefeller Christmas tree that towered before them. “Isn’t it exquisite?” he asked his minions. “It will be even more beautiful when it’s burning. In a few hours, all this will be nothing but a smoldering pile of ashes. While the world weeps, we’ll be roasting red and green marshmallows over its charred remains.”

“Ooh, can we make Christmas s’mores?!” asked Joey eagerly, the bells on his shoes jingling as he jumped up and down. His eyes were round, and so was his belly, which shook as he bounced like a bowl full of jelly.

“Silence!” snapped Dr. Rough. “Let us not get ahead of ourselves. First, we must plant the bomb.”

“How are we going to do that with all these people around?” asked Jeff, looking around. Rockefeller Plaza was packed with tourists, posing for pictures in front of the tree. Below, even more people skated in circles around the ice rink. And the city sidewalks, busy sidewalks, were packed with last-minute shoppers, dressed in holiday style.

Much as it irked him to do so, Dr. Rough had to admit, the minion had a point. “We’ll have to create a diversion,” he decided. “Then Donnie will be free to sneak under the tree undetected.”

“M-m-me?!” squeaked Donnie. “But Master, why does it always have to be me?”

“Trust me, I would much rather Drums do it. But as he is overseeing the other half of our mission, I’ve decided to give you the honor. I know you won’t let Dr. Rough down, now, will you?”

Donnie quivered. “N-no, Dr. Rough, of course not. But, if I m-might make a s-suggestion, maybe you yourself should do it, Master. You’d have an easier time getting under the tree because you’re sh-”

“Shh!” hissed Abs, who had seen what happened to minions who insinuated that their master or the world he sought to dominate was small in any way.

Donnie seemed to realize his mistake and quickly tried to cover it up. “Shape!” he blurted. “In shape! ‘Because you’re in shape’ is what I meant to say – s-sorry, Master.”

Dr. Rough puffed out his chest. “Yes, it’s true that my body is a wonderland. But my brain is even more wondrous. I shall oversee the diversion, while you climb into that tree.”

Donnie sighed miserably and nodded. “Yes, Master.”

“Timmons!” Dr. Rough barked. “The package!”

Jeff handed Donnie a large box, wrapped up like a Christmas present. Beneath the big red bow, the bomb was ticking away. As Donnie reached out to take hold of his throbbing package, Jeff asked, “How will we create a diversion?”

“Leave that to me and MJ.” Dr. Rough reached inside his fur-lined Santa suit and pulled out his minion penguin, who was wearing a striped scarf. He scouted out the plaza, then pointed in the direction of a Salvation Army bell-ringer on a nearby street corner. He whispered something in MJ’s ear and set the penguin down on the ground.

The minions all watched the penguin waddle off across the street. “What is he going to do, Dr. Rough?” they wanted to know. “Steal the donation kettle?”

“You’ll see. Come – to the ice rink!” commanded Dr. Rough, leading the way. “While MJ distracts that wretched volunteer, we shall attract the attention of everyone else in the plaza by starting the world’s longest ice skating chain.”

“But Dr. Rough-” Always the voice of dissention, Abs couldn’t help but frown. “-beg pardon, sir, but do you even know how to ice skate?”

His minion’s assumption made Dr. Rough’s blood boil, but he knew he couldn’t gun Abs down in the middle of Rockefeller Plaza. A pubic execution would only attract the wrong sort of attention. No, he had to play it cool, so he simply scoffed, ignoring the heat creeping up his neck. “Of course,” he said, waving the minion’s concern away as if he hadn’t a care. “How difficult can it be?”

Meanwhile, MJ was moonwalking his way towards the man in the Santa hat who stood on the sidewalk, resolutely ringing his red bell. “Hey!” the man shouted, as something small skidded straight into the stand that held his donation kettle, knocking it over. As the red kettle crashed to the ground, its top came off, and coins rolled every which way down the sidewalk and into the street. The bell-ringer looked down in dismay and blinked in bewilderment at the strange sight that awaited him: a red-eyed penguin in a striped scarf. “Why, you’re a penguin!” he cried.

MJ honked in reply.

“Well, what is a penguin doin’ here?” the man wondered aloud.

MJ brought one of his flippers up to his brow, pantomiming searching for something.

“You’re lookin’ for a stick?”

MJ shook his head.

“A branch?” the man guessed. “A log? A pole?”

The penguin honked, nodding.

“The North Pole? No… the South Pole!”

MJ honked and nodded again.

“Well, little fella… that’s on the other end of the Earth. You’re just about as lost as you can get,” the bell-ringer said. “You better come with me. You need someone to take care of you.”

MJ leapt into the man’s arms and used his beak to plant a penguin kiss upon his cheek.

“Now, now, cut that out!” laughed the bell-ringer. “Come on, eh… Topper! I’ll call you Topper! Okay?”

MJ honked twice, which meant, “Fuck you,” though the man took it to mean “Okay.”

He laughed. “Come on,” he said, scooping the coins back into his kettle. “This way, little fella.”

The man started to lead MJ down the street, but they both stopped in their tracks when they heard voice boom, “WHO NEARS MY MOUNTAIN?!” They turned in terror toward the alley they had just passed, where a bum wearing a Burger King crown over his long, stringy hair was perched atop a heap of trash. “Go back!” he bellowed, his long beard quivering, “or you are… DOOOOOOOOMED!”

The bell-ringer smiled. “Merry Christmas to you, too, sir. Here-” He bent down and picked up a stray dollar bill that had blown away from the spilled contents of his kettle. “God bless you,” he said, handing it to the homeless man. “Come on, Topper.”

But MJ squawked and waddled off in the opposite direction.

“Topper, come back!” called the bell-ringer, the coins clinking in his kettle as he chased after the penguin. The chase led him all the way back to the ice rink in the center of Rockefeller Plaza, where a small man in a Santa suit stood shakily upon a pair of skates. MJ moonwalked circles around him, at home on the ice. “Oh,” said the bell-ringer sadly, as he started to make sense of the scene in front of him. “I see… this is your real owner, huh, Topper?”

MJ honked.

“Many thanks for bringing back my beloved minion – er, I mean, penguin,” said Dr. Rough, his weak ankles wobbling as he struggled to stay standing on the rented skates. He found that he had grossly overestimated his ability to ice skate, though he wasn’t yet ready to admit it. Dr. Rough, admit defeat? Never! “Come, MJ,” he called, and the penguin glided smoothly to a stop at his feet. He reached down and took hold of one end of the scarf he had knitted for his flightless friend last Christmas, when his ice lair was still intact. “You shall lead the world’s longest skating chain.”

MJ obediently moonwalked across the ice, pulling his master along with him, but Dr. Rough promptly lost his balance and face-planted flat upon the ice. “WHY DID NO ONE BREAK MY FALL?!” he ranted, glaring up at his human minions, who were exchanging guilty glances.

“You’ve never skated before, have you?” the bell-ringer observed, as “Santa Rough” struggled to his feet.

The FANS leader felt his face redden. “I’m from Florida!” he snapped. “I’ve never had a reason to! Who knew it would be so difficult to learn to skate?!”

“Difficult?” The bell-ringer chuckled. “Why, look here. Learning to ice skate is as easy as… taking your first step!”

Out of nowhere, a band of street musicians struck up a snazzy tune, and the bell-ringer began to sing. “Put one foot in front of the other… and soon, you’ll be skating ‘round the ri-i-ink! Put one foot in front of the other… and soon, you’ll be skating all in sync!”

“Hell yeah!” said Joey, taking Dr. Rough’s free hand. “C’mon, guys!”

The other minions joined hands, forming a chain, as Dr. Rough took one tentative step and then another across the ice.

“You never will get where you’re goin’… if you never get up on your feet,” sang the Salvation Army volunteer. “Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowin’! A fast-skating man is hard to beat!”

“Just ask Apollo Ono!” added a man in a pink, sequined elf costume as he sashayed by, his frosted hair blowing in the breeze.

Dr. Rough knew he hadn’t dressed any of his minions in pink, but he was concentrating too hard on keeping his balance to give the man a second thought. Encouraged, he let his skates slide a little more smoothly across the ice, as all around him, skaters scurried to join the growing chain, singing along to the words of a song they somehow all seemed to know. “Put one foot in front of the other,” they chorused, cheering him on, “and soon, you’ll be skating ‘round the ri-i-ink! Put one foot in front of the other… and soon, we’ll be skating all in sync!”

“Yes we will!” sang the flamboyant elf, slipping one of his pink angora mittens into the hand of the last link in what was quickly becoming a long chain of skaters. MJ towed them around and around the rink. Snakelike, they zigzagged across the ice, forming figure eights and singing all the while. In the midst of such a festive scene, surely no one would notice the lone elf creeping under the Christmas tree to leave a present the city wouldn’t soon forget. Dr. Rough smirked to himself, feeling sure his plan had succeeded.


Ninety feet tall, in the center of Rockefeller,
Rigged to explode in a blast quite stellar!
"Despair to the world!" he was wickedly humming.
"This catastrophe should keep Christmas from coming!”



“That was some diversion, Dr. Rough!” Jeff commended him, once the minions had broken the chain. “Did you know that was going to happen when you sent MJ over to that Salvation Army guy?”

“Never underestimate Dr. Rough’s foresight, Timmons,” said Dr. Rough ambiguously, secretly delighting in his stroke of luck. Donnie was back, the deed was done, and soon, very soon, the city’s Christmas spirit would by incinerated right along with their tree.


“When the tree goes up in flames, I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open for a minute or two,
Then all the New Yorkers in the City will cry, BOO-HOO!
That's a noise," grinned Dr. Rough, "That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And Dr. Rough put a hand to his ear.



“Listen, my minions,” he said. “Can you hear it ticking?”

“Hear what, the bomb?” asked Joey. “There’s no way we’ll be able to hear it from here.”

“Not the bomb.” Dr. Rough’s eyes gleamed with wickedness. “That’s the heart of Christmas, slowly dying. Its beats are numbered, my minions. When the tree explodes, it won’t just take out the city’s Christmas spirit. The whole country’s morale will drop, as they mourn for New York, the same way they did after September eleventh. Nothing will be the same. No one will feel like celebrating, and they certainly won’t be shopping. Santa’s stock of sweatshop goods will go to waste. We’ve done it, minions. We have successfully hijacked Christmas.”

Dr. Rough’s own heart raced with anticipation, as the frosty air was filled with his minion’s cheers. And then, he heard another, more ominous noise.


And he did hear a sound echoing through the skyscrapers.
It started out soft and began to taper...
But then it was back! This wail was not crying!
He couldn't be merry, for it was a police siren!



“It’s the cops! Run!” hissed Dr. Rough, and the minions scattered. Dr. Rough himself took cover in an alley ruled by a territorial bum who kept insisting that he was “DOOMED!” Crouching on the cold ground behind a trash can, he watched as a squad car skidded to a stop in the middle of the street, blocking the intersection. With a sinking feeling, Dr. Rough realized there were two people in the back seat.


He stared as the NYPD car raced by.
The sight inside made Dr. Rough pop his eyes!
Then he shook; what he saw was a shocking surprise!
The minions from the toy store were handcuffed inside!



Though he didn’t want to believe what he was seeing, his eyes didn’t lie. He recognized the two men as his very own minions, the same ones he had sent to rob F.A.O. Schwarz. “Damn you, Danny and Jon!” he screamed, shaking his fist at the sky.

Just then, a familiar voice came through the communicator in his ear.


"Dr. Rough, come in!" my voice crackled in his ear.
"Jon and Danny been caught; we gotsta flee here!"
Every minion in FANS, the tall and the small,
Were running, without any stolen toys at all!



“What’s your location, Drums?”

“Yo, I’m in the sleigh, headin’ towards Rockefeller Center. If y’all can get to the top of 30 Rock, I’ll pick your asses up there. You best hurry, though, yo.”

“Or you will be… DOOOOOOOMED!” echoed the bum.

“Shut up!” snapped Dr. Rough. “No, not you, Drums.” He sighed heavily. “Half my plan has been foiled. But it’s not a total failure. There’s still the tree…” He was talking more to himself now than either Drums or the bum. He rose from his hiding place and paced back and forth across the alley, wringing his hands.

“You don’t understand, Dr. Rough. They on to you, dawg! Somehow, they done figured out our plan! They know ‘bout da tree!”

And sure enough, even as Drums spoke, the streets were suddenly swarming with police cars and fire trucks. Even the bomb squad was on the scene, surrounding the Rockefeller Christmas tree in their protective gear. Dr. Rough knew then that he had to bail. Drums was right. He had failed.


He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Dr. Rough, with his dainty feet cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"



“How?” he asked, stunned. “How did they find out?”

“The question ain’t how,” said Drums. “You should be axin’ who? I’ma give ya three guesses, but ya only be needin’ one.”

And then Dr. Rough knew. He didn’t understand, but he knew it just the same.


"It be HimTak again, yo," I said in his ear.
"That Carter and his posse, they found out, and they here!
They onto us - caught the New Kids in the sto-
Set up booby traps and then called the po-po!"



“CURSE YOU, 00CARTER!!!” roared Dr. Rough, his voice reverberating so loudly off the nearby buildings that the rest of his minions heard him even without their communicators.

They rendezvoused on the roof of the GE Building at 30 Rockefeller, where Drums was waiting with the sleigh. Dr. Rough slumped into his seat, his Santa hat hanging limply over his rapidly twitching eye. “We’ll get ‘em next time, Dr. Rough,” said Drums, placing a consoling silver hand upon his shoulder, but Dr. Rough merely shook it off.

“Yesss…” Drums was right. He had been disappointed yet again, but the despair wouldn’t last forever. His mind already beginning to work on his next diabolical scheme. “Next time… next time…”

“That’s right, Dr. Rough,” Abs agreed sportingly. Then, in a high, operatic falsetto that pierced Dr. Rough’s eardrums and sent rage coursing through his veins, he began to sing. “There’s always… tomorrow... for dreams to come true. Believe in your dreams, come what may. There’s always… tomorrow; there’s so much to do… and so little time in a day.”

The other minions came in softly underneath him, harmonizing with a chorus of “oohs” and “ahhs,” as Abs lilted, “We all… pretend… the rainbow has an end… and you’ll be there, my friend… somedaaaaay! There’s always… tomorrow… for dreams to come true. Tomorrow is not far away…”

“Pity it’s not,” said Dr. Rough, his voice a deathly hiss. It was taking every ounce of his self-control not to shoot Abs right then and there. “Because tomorrow, I will be perfecting my death-ray spectacles, and my dreams will come true when I finally succeed in vaporizing you. Merry Christmas, Abs.

“Merry Christmas,” added Joey gleefully, glad to be off the hook.

“Merry Christmas,” Drums echoed, and together, they sang, “And happy ho-ol-i-days!”


And what happened then? Well, in FANS, we say
That Dr. Rough's rage grew three sizes that day!



“But not his height,” coughs Nick, interrupting the poem.

Drums slams down his book in anger. “Yo, Carter, dat’s whack! You know dat ain't right! Don't you be dissing Master, or we gonna fight! Now where the hell was I in dis rap anyway!” He looks down at the book in his lap. “Oh yeah… “ Clearing his throat, he continues to read.


As we fled to the rooftop and got on our sleigh,
Dr. Rough looked out the window, and then he done say,
"I'LL GET YOU, NICK CARTER! I'LL GET YOU SOMEDAY!"



± ± ±
A 00Carter Christmas: Part 9 by RokofAges75
Epilogue


Once more, the audience applauds, as Drums closes the book.

“And now, my children, you have heard both sides of the story.”

“And,” Nick adds, “you’ve learned that, as I stated earlier, good always triumphs over evil.”

Drums glares at Nick. “Well, anyway, we hope you enjoyed our holiday special. Before we bid you farewell, we have one final surprise for you.”

Nick looks at Drums. “We do.”

Ignoring Nick, Drums continues, “A visit from The Ghost of Christmas Past, here to perform a festive holiday song! Put your hands together for…”

A third man walks onto the set. He is tall and thin, with brown hair and a pearly, semi-translucent glow.

“…SHAZAM!”

Nick groans, but quickly pastes a fake smile on his face, for the sake of the children.

“Oh wow… Shazam!” says Nick, with forced enthusiasm. “It’s a Christmas miracle!

The audience applauds again, as the children’s eyes light up with delight.

“That’s right, I’m back!” announces the late JC. “You know, the holidays are a time to put our troubles behind us, to let go of old grudges and share the joy of the season with our friends and family. So I’m here to sing a little song with my old pal, Drums.”

“Dat’s right, bro.” Drums slugs JC playfully in the shoulder. “You ain’t nevah had a friend like me!”

“Ebonics!” Nick coughs.

Drums ignores him. “Ready, Shazam?

“Ready, Drums!”

“Hit it!”

Out of nowhere, a pianist strikes a chord progression on a baby grand tucked in a corner of the room, and Drums begins to hum along. “Mmm…. Merry Christmas… happy holidays…”

A percussionist comes in on the drums, as JC joins Drums in harmony. “Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! And happy holidays!”

Oh no, Nick groans to himself.

“Ooh yeah!” sings JC. “We been waiting all year for this night, when the snow is glistening on the trees outside, and all the stockings are hung by the fireside, waiting for Santa to arrive… and all the love we’ll show, cause everybody knows it’s Christmas time, and all the kids will see the gifts under the tree. It’s the best time of year for the family!”

He throws his arm around Drums, as Nick looks on in horror. Swaying back and forth, arm-in-arm, they sing in harmony. “It’s a wonderful feeling! Feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling! It’s that time of year… Christmas time is here! And with the blessings from above, God sends you his love, and everything’s okay. Merry Christmas, happy holidays! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Happy holidays!”

“Ohhh… Bells are ringing… it’s time to scream and shout!” sings Drums. “And everybody’s playing, cause school’s out! Celebrating the special times we share… happiness cause love is in the air!”

Finally, Nick can’t take it anymore and runs in front of the pair of singers, waving his arms and shouting. The music suddenly stops, leaving Drums and JC dumbfounded.

“Cut! Cut the crap!” screams Nick. “You’re right, it’s time to scream and shout, but that ain’t love in the air; it’s horrible singing. You’re ruining our whole holiday special!”

“No, YOU just ruined our whole holiday special, Carter!” shouts Drums.

“No, I’m about to save it! You want a festive holiday song? Here goes!” Nick takes a deep breath, turns to the audience, and starts to sing.

“Frost grows outside the window… first kiss under the mistletoe…” He pulls Red Jewel onstage and plants a kiss on her lips. “Oh-ohh… oh-ohh…”

Out of nowhere, a band begins to accompany him, the music slowly building.

“Bells chime inside the steeple… open the door, see the people sing… oh-ohh… oh-ohh…”

The studio door opens, and Agent K enters, singing, “And when the snow is falling down, down, down… you know that Santa’s back in town, town, town! That’s when it’s Christmas time again!”

More people enter the studio: Agent Jay, Brian Littrell, and even Dr. Rough, dressed in his Santa suit. “La ta, la ta-da-da-ta! La ta, la ta-da-da, it’s Christmas time again!” they chorus. “La ta, la ta-da-da-ta! La ta, la ta-da-da, it’s Christmas time again!”

“I’ve been checking my list twice,”
sing Brian and K. “Got plans to give you your gift tonight… oh-ohh… oh-ohh…” Brian waves to Opal Odyssey, who is in the audience.

“Wake up under a lit tree,” Jay joins Nick in harmony. “One wish that came true, you’re here with me… oh-ohh… oh-ohh…” Jay blows a kiss to Emerald Ecstasy, also in the audience. Nick does the same to Diamond Divine. “And when the snow is falling down, down, down… you know that Santa’s back in town, town, town! That’s when it’s Christmas time again!”

“La ta, la ta-da-da-ta!”
they all sing. “La ta, la ta-da-da, it’s Christmas time again! La ta, la ta-da-da-ta! La ta, la ta-da-da, it’s Christmas time again!”

Then the music slows down for Dr. Rough’s sexy solo. “And when the snow is falling down, down, down…” he croons, wiggling spirit fingers in front of his face. “You know that Santa’s back in town, town, town! That’s when it’s Christmas time again!”

“La ta, la ta-da-da-ta!”
the others chorus, as Nick sings, “I’ll give you, I’ll give you, my heart!”

“La ta, la ta-da-da, it’s Christmas time again! La ta, la ta-da-da-ta! La ta, la ta-da-da, it’s Christmas time again!”

“I’ve been bad, I’ve been good, I’ve been everything I should,”
sings Nick, winking at Professor Pearl.

“…It’s Christmas time again!”

“I’ve been bad, I’ve been good, and you know that I do what I should.”
Nick pretends not to see Mr. Lancybassy, who’s blowing kisses at him from the audience.

“…It’s Christmas time agaaaaaaain!”

As the song comes to an end, the audience leaps to their feet, applauding loudly, while the children cheer. Nick, K, Jay, Brian, and Dr. Rough take a bow, while Drums and JC stand in the background, looking defeated.

“Now THAT’S what I call an end to our holiday special!” says Nick with a grin. “Merry Christmas to all…

Everyone chimes in: “…And to all a goodnight!”


± ± ±
End Notes:
If you enjoyed the poems in this episode, you can read them by themselves by clicking here. Thanks for reading!
This story archived at http://absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=9085