How was my day you ask?  Well, if there’s a place lower than hell, THAT’S where I was today.  First, got up late for work..damn alarm clock is a piece of shit.  This is a normal occurrence for me and I just know I’ll get my ass chewed out for it.  Ok, finally get up, head to the bathroom and jump in the shower.  Get dressed and go to blow-dry my hair.  Blowdryer is deader than a doornail.  At this point I should have known just to call in sick and crawl back in bed.  But noooo..not me.  Luckily my boyfriend keeps some stuff in the other bathroom.  So I go in search of his blowdryer.  Finally get my hair done and out the door I go. 

And yup, as soon as I step foot in the office my boss waves his hand at me while he’s on the phone, with a not so nice look on his face.  So I go in his office and sit down and wait for my ass chewin to begin.  He hung up and began reeming me a new one.  After he was done I proceed to my desk where I catch my hose on the corner of the drawer that was not fully shut.  Long runner in the hose.  From there things didn’t get any better.  Between the load of work that seemed to just appear on my desk to computer problems my day was totally in the shitter.  I couldn’t wait to get home and just soak in my Jacuzzi tub with my peach smelling salts I had bought at Bed, Bath, and Beyond the weekend before. 

Finally my day from hell at work ends.  I drag myself to my car and drive home.  I was half expecting to get into an accident the way things had been going.  But I arrive in one piece and as I get close to my driveway see a black Benz sitting in it.  My boyfriend was there.  I didn’t know if I was happy or disappointed in that fact.  All I wanted to do is crawl in the house, shed my torn hose and close and get in the tub.  I was going to order out for dinner because I just didn’t feel up to making anything. 

So I pull into my driveway next to his car and there he is, standing at the door waiting for me.  I decided I was happy to see him.  Maybe he could make my day better.  I got out of my car, grabbed my briefcase and made my way to the house where he opened the door for me.  Just then a gust of wind came up and blew the door out of his hand and cracked me in the ass making me fall inside and kiss the linoleum floor of the kitchen.   My briefcase went sliding across the floor and almost hit Jasper, my teacup poodle.  This obviously pissed him off cuz he jumped at first, turned around and looked at me, or more like glared, and then proceeded to come over to me and hiked his leg on me.   Meanwhile, my boyfriend just stood there, with his mouth hanging open, mostly in shock I guess, of the events that had just unfolded. 

 “OH MY GOD!” he shrieked.

“Nick, can you PLEASE help me up now?” I asked.

“Oh my god” he exclaimed again as he bend down to help me up. 

As he helped me up he nor I realized he was standing on the hem of my skirt.  RIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!  I told you this day was the day from lower than hell.  It was my favorite skirt too!!

*Oh my god” Nick yelled again.

“Can you not say anything else” I asked him.

Nick just looked at me with this helpless look on his face.  I finally made it vertical and made my way over to the couch and collapsed. 

“Man, you look like you’ve had a bad day baby” Nick said. 

“Ya think blondie?”  I said sarcastically.  I really didn’t mean to take it out on him but geesh!! 

“I’ll tell you what.  I’ll go upstairs and run you a bath.  Then I’ll order us some dinner.  What do you want to eat tonight?” he asked. 

“Nicky, you have NO clue how wonderful that sounds.  I have some new peach salts under the cabinet I’d love to try out.  And for dinner, how bout some Chinese” I told him.

“You got it babe.  Be right back” he said as he took the steps upstairs by twos. 

I just sat there so nothing else would go wrong.  I was wrong.  A knock on the door.  As I stood up to get the door I stubbed my toe on the coffee table.  I let out a string of curse words only to find a girl scout on my front porch, with her eyes as big as tea cups staring back at me. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart.  I stubbed my toe and it hurt really bad” I explained to her. 

“Well, sorry to hear that but you really shouldn’t curse like that ma’me” she scolded me.  I really didn’t need this shit.  I was NOT in the mood.  Especially from a 10 year old. 

“Well, anyway, we are selling cookies.  Would you like to buy some?” she asked me.

“Sure, lemme get my purse” I said as I turned and tripped over Jasper.  I hit the floor with a thud. 

“What the hell was that?” I heard Nick yell from upstairs then heard his footfalls down the steps.  He emerged in the kitchen where I had fallen, once again.

“Oh my god” he said.

“Nickolas, you say that one more time and I’m gonna smack the shit outta you!!” I screamed at him. 

At this point and time the girl scout had had about enough of the vulgarity from our mouths and turned to leave.   Just then Jasper caught sight of her.  He took off before I had the chance to even sit up.

“Nick!  Grab him” I screamed in vain.  Too late.  Jasper was chasing the poor girl down the street.  He had gotten a hold of her skirt and was blowing in the wind.  Nick ran after them as I got up and ran after Nick.  By the time we caught up with the little girl she was in hysterics.  A car pulled up with, I was assuming her big, burly father in it.  He gets out of the car and starts yelling at us. 

“You idiots!!  What are you doing to my daughter?!!?!” he yelled. 

“I’m soo sorry sir” I stammered.  “My dog got out and chased her down the street.  Look, she’s a bit shaken up but not a mark on her” I explained. 

“Well keep that little beast tied up from now on.  I should press charges!” he screamed at us as he picked his daughter up and carried her to the car.  At this point, I was thinking to myself “why not?  Perfect ending to my day!”.

Nick came over and put his arm around me.  He noticed me limping. 

“What happened?  Did you hurt yourself?” he asked.

“I stubbed my toe on the coffee table as I was answering the door” I replied.

“Aww poor baby” he said as he proceeded to pick me up and carry me to the house.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked him.

“Just trying to be nice” he relied.  But I had distracted him and he tripped over the curb and down we went.  If only I had a buck for every time I ended up on the ground today. 

Now I had torn hose, a busted toe and a scrapped up knee. 

“Oh my......” Nick began.  I just glared at him.  He knew better than to finish that sentence. 

“I’m soooo sorry baby” he said.  He bend down to help me up but I shrugged him off. 

“I think you’ve helped me enough today” I snapped.

I got up and limped back to the house.  I went upstairs to finally climb in the tub I’ve so desperately wanted.   I reached my bedroom and heard the water running.  I stripped down, threw my hose away and opened the door to the bathroom went to step inside.  As I did my feet hit wet floor and yep, you guessed it, my feet flew out from under me and on my ass I went.  So now, along with my torn hose, my busted up toe, my scratched up knee, I can add a bruised tailbone to the list.  Just then I heard footfalls and Nick can running in my room.

“Oh........” he said before he stopped.  If I could have moved I would have slapped the living shit out of him. 

“What the hell happened?” he asked, a little sheepishly I might add.

“SOMEONE forgot to turn the water off in the tub!” I screamed.  It hurt to scream.  I just sat there, surrounded by water and suds.  What the hell had he put in my tub?

Nick gently picked me up and walked back into my bedroom and laid me on my bed.  Then he went back to the bathroom and turned the water off then to the closet.  He got an armload of towels and started mopping up the water on the floor.  He then refilled the tub adding a little bit of the peach salts I had requested before (I think he realized he used the wrong stuff before and too much of it).  He came back and picked me up again and carried me to the tub and gently laid me in it giving me a kiss on the forehead as he did. 

“You try to relax hunny.  I’ll be right back” he said as he turned and left.

I just sank down in the tub.  The water was actually perfect.  Something was finally going right.  Nick returned with two flutes of wine.  He handed me one and held up his glass.

“Here’s to making your night better” he said. 

We kinked glasses but it must have been too hard because the glasses broke.  So here I sit in a bathtub full of wine AND broken glass. 

“FUCK!” we both yelled at the same time. 

I sat in disbelief.  I went to get out and when I stood up I felt a sharp pain in my foot.  As I emerged from the tub my foot was covered in blood.  Nick quickly got a towel and dried me off taking great care around my now injured foot. 

“OUCH!”  I screamed.  “That hurt!” 

“I’m so sorry” Nick said with a painful expression. 

He then wrapped my robe around me and carried me down stairs where we attempted to get the glass from my foot.  He had gotten the pair of tweezers from the downstairs bathroom and was sitting across from me.  Just as he went to grab the glass Jasper started to bark at a squirrel outside.  This caused Nick to jump and jam the tweezers into the glass and the glass deeper in my foot and cause me to jump and fall out of my chair.  I began to wonder at this point and time if there was some evil force out to get me.  Nick just stared at me and opened his mouth.  I slapped him before he could even say it.

“I told you I was gonna slap the shit out of you if you said that again!” I yelled. 

“But I wasn’t going to say it! I swear!” he yelled. 

“Yes you were!” I yelled. 

I got back in the chair, jerked the tweezers out of his hand and tried to get the glass out of
my own foot. 

“Why don’t you order our dinner?” I asked Nick.

“Ok” he resigned. 

Nick went over to the drawer and pulled out the Chinese menu and called and ordered our food. 

Meanwhile I had finally dug out the glass from my aching foot. 

“Nick, go in the bathroom and get me the alcohol and some bandages please” I asked.

Dutifully he went and got what I had requested.  I cleaned my wound, screaming in the process cuz it burned like hell and then wrapped up my foot.  Nick then carried me to my couch and laid me down and handed me the remote to the TV. 

“Since your day is going this way you get to choose what we watch” he said.

I just looked at him and he turned and went back into the kitchen to wait for the food.  I think he knew I was not in the mood for his company at the resent moment.  I went to turn on the TV and the remote didn’t work.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” I mumbled to myself. 

“NIIIIIIIIICK!” I yelled at the top of my voice.  I had just about had it with this day.

He came running and slid to a stop and ran right into the couch jarring the hell out of me. 

“Oops” he said.  “What’s wrong?” 

“The batteries are dead.  Go in the cabinet above the stove and get me two new double A’s” I said. 

He left and came back empty handed. 

“You only have tripple A’s left” he said. 

I signed and threw the remote down.  It broke into a million pieces all over the floor. 

“You know what, I’m going to my room.  Just bring my dinner up to me please?” I asked.

“Sure baby’ he said.  I think he was really scared of me by that time.

About 20 minutes later and nothing more has happened to me Nick came creeping in my room with a tray of food.  Only thing wrong, it’s NOT what we usually got. 

“Sorry, they sent us the wrong thing.  But he gave us a discount and a coupon for a free meal” he said.

“Perfect” I said.  I didn’t even like chow mein!!!  But by the time the food had gotten there I was starved so I ate it anyway, gagging it down.  And yes, gagged. I got chocked.  Nick had to slap my back to get me to cough up what I was choking on. 

I shoved the tray away.  Nick was just looking at me with a pitiful look on his face.  I know he tried so hard to make this day better, in his own clumsy way.  The big goofball.  Oh how I loved him. 

I looked at the clock.  It was only 9:30 but I was so tired from today’s events. 

“Nick, I think I’m going to just go to bed.  Are you staying here tonight? I asked.

“If you want me to.  I have nothing planned tomorrow” he replied. 

“Ok” I said as I turned over on my side.  Nick took the remaining food back downstairs and I heard him cleaning up.  He came back upstairs.  He stripped down to his boxers and climbed in bed.  He wrapped his arms around me and we fell asleep pretty fast after that.  I just thanked God this day had finally came to an end.

Wouldn’t you know it.....I fell outta bed......