The spring was passing by so quickly it felt like February and March had sped by in the blink of an eye, and we were almost at the first of April, the tour heading into Cologne Germany. As soon as I had made it back to my apartment in January I had called Robbie, accepting his offer to tour and within twenty four hours I had been sat on a plane winging my way to London to prep for the tour.

The rehearsals had been draining, I was well aware of the majority of Robbie’s work it was just a few of the early pieces and the new material from the album he had just realised that were difficult to get to grips with. To say it had been frustrating was a bit of an understatement, I wasn’t used to the pressure of being on a tour as big as this and although I knew Robbie I soon realised it wasn’t going to be like touring with Nick. Whereas his tour had been promotional, small and less theatrical Robbie’s was anything but. He was well known for putting on great shows, captivating his audiences and the pressure had been on, with me thinking that I had made the wrong choice at first. The first night couldn’t have gone better though and I actually found myself becoming more relaxed, a bit more daring on the stage.

I sat in the makeup chair, whilst Angie applied my mascara and fixed the finishing touches to my makeup, glancing back to the mirror I wondered when I began to look so tired. The tour had begun three weeks ago, and so far I had only had two nights off. The show itself was huge, within Europe Robbie had a huge following of fans, many of which couldn’t speak much English but they managed to sing along with all of his songs. They all desired this pin up who was currently sat on a couch behind me in Adidas sweat pants and a port vale football top mumbling to himself.

“I’m still the boy next door,

That’s if your Lord Lichfield and Roger Moore

Have I gone up in the world?

Have I gone up in the world?” he sighed coming to a halt in what he was singing, and I chuckled, making him meet my eyes in the mirror. “Oh fine laugh,” he joked.

“No sorry I just thought of something funny, sing that last line again,” I said and he gave me a sceptical look, “Just sing it,” I said raising my voice slightly, and he did what he was told.

“Have I gone up in the world,” he sang.

“Or has the world gone down on me?” I replied which made him laugh.

“Hey I like that, you’re sacked by the way, for taking the piss outta’ the boss,” he joked, whilst picking up The Sun newspaper, a trashy tabloid which he always seemed to have no matter what country we were in. He liked reading his own press, laughing at the bullshit that was printed like when it said that I was the catalyst for him and Guy falling out. Utter crap but Autumn had still called when she heard the news.

“Yeah whatever, you begged me to come on this tour, don’t think your going replace me that easily,” I laughed but he was too engrossed in an article to reply.

Angie finished applying the rest of my make up whilst Marissa sprayed my hair to within and inch of it’s life and before I knew it I was ready to hit the stage so I vacated the seat for Robbie. He made no attempt to move though, still engrossed in the trashy tabloid so I sat down beside him to see what crap he was reading about himself. That was why I was so shocked when I saw the picture of Paris with bruises to her face and a title that accused Nick of assault.

“Fucking bitch,” I whispered which made Robbie look at me questioningly.

“So he didn’t do it then?” he asked which pissed me off even more, if Robbie believed it there were bound to be others who believed it too.

“No, he wouldn’t, it’s not him, fucking bitch,” I yelled the last part of the sentence, how fucking dare she? I had heard from Alex that things in that area of his life had not been going so great, I had even heard the rumours that’s she had slept the someone else whilst she had been in Australia. I thought that it was over long before but then maybe they got back together? Nick always seemed to do that, would break up with a girl, sleep around for a while and then realise he was probably better off in a relationship and let the girl worm her way back in. He never coped well with being on his own, he always needed someone around and what with the others all in relationships well maybe he felt that he needed one too.

I knew when it ended that it would be bitter, that shit would fly and it would all be fought out in the media where everyone could see. I also knew that Paris would have the press eating out of her hand when it did happen, after all no one messes with her and gets away scott free and what with the alleged cheating she had done I was sure Nick would have retaliated with a hoochie of his own. Things had obviously become sour in the relationship and she was looking as a way out as an injured party, if she wanted fucking abuse I would fucking give her some. Then again, I did warn him, god Willow bitch alert. Even though he had been an ass he didn’t deserve this, even though he hadn’t called or emailed but then again neither had I. Grabbing my phone off the table I dialled his number, but as it rang I realised I had no clue what I was going to say, how could I just call up out of the blue like nothing happened? I quickly hit the red button on the phone ending the call.

He probably wouldn’t have answered anyway.

It had been six weeks since I had heard the allegations that evil bitch Barbie had made about my best friend. God best friend, could I even call him that now? What made someone your best friend? Was it how long you had known each other? How alike you were? The amount of time you spent together? Having the same interests? Being able to talk to each other? Because if it was the talking one, the actually being friends part, well we both sucked at that.

I had attempted calling him but every time I ended the call before he even picked up and he never once called me back because to Nick that would mean conceding, it would mean caving and caving meant losing. Nickolas Gene Carter was not and had never been a good loser. Usually it was me who did that, who apologised, don’t get me wrong he would apologise if he had been in the wrong too but always after I had done it first. I was just sick of that trait and yeah maybe he needed a friend right now, with all the shit that was being said about him but I was sick and tired of picking up the pieces. I had told him that too, just before I walked out of the studio, well actually more like stormed out of the studio so how would it look if I went back on that? I would look weak and he would continue to do it in the future, he would know I would always be there to tell him things were going to be okay when he screwed up.

I didn’t want to be that girl, I had never wanted to be that girl. He had made me into that person, always coming to me when things in his life turned crappy he turned up at my door for some sort of validation. It was getting boring now, I know, I know I’m supposed to be his best friend and that’s what best friends do right? They listen when things get rough, offer advice on how to make things better, reassure you that you are not a waste of space well yeah I had done that for him, just like he had for me. I was just sick of constantly repeating myself, of seeing him sabotage relationships of not taking the advice of others. I had enough problems in my life I didn’t need more.

I looked around the room and realised that it was totally empty, not a soul in sight it had obviously taken me a lot longer to set up my guitar with all these thoughts swirling around in my head so I took the opportunity to sit and strum a bit. It was timed like these were I always came up with some amazing rifts, some amazing lyrics and there had been a melody floating around in my head for weeks, all I needed were the lyrics. On the backstreet tour I would often find my way to the arena when no one was about, strum for a bit but I was usually interrupted by Kevin, or by Brian god that seemed like ages ago and that’s when I realised it had almost been four years since I had toured with them. I continued playing the melody but I knew I wasn’t going to find the lyrics today as the others would be arriving for sound check soon but I tried to utilise the time.

I heard someone clear their throat and opened my eyes to come face to face with Nick. The sight shocked me for two reasons, firstly I had no idea he was booked on the same show and had not been expecting it to be him at all and secondly because he looked so different. He had put on a bit of weight but that was not surprising it was well known that he was a big comfort eater when things got rough and what with everything between Paris and his Folks it wasn’t surprising. The thing that was the most shocking was his hair or lack there of. It was completely gone, nothing there at all, shaved completely off , it was strange to see him with a bald head, but it did suit him. Well sort of. We were silent for a while just sizing each other up, he was the first to speak.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just heard some music, wondered where it was coming from,” he said leaning against a set of speakers towards the side of the stage and putting his hands in his pockets.

“It’s okay, just got here a little early, how’ve you been?” I asked setting the guitar down into its stand beside me.

“You really need to ask? It’s been in the media enough,” he shrugged. He was still pissed at me, but then again I deserved it for leaving it how I did, this was the first time since we had argued that we had actually seen each other, and that had been three months ago. I stayed silent for a moment and he took the opportunity to apologise. “Sorry, it’s been a rough day, its all press can focus on right now, their not interested in the music just my private life,” he sighed.

“That’s ok, how’s the album coming?” I asked, man this was riveting conversation, avoid anything that may tell him how you really feel and I could tell he was doing the same.

“Yeah almost finished, just putting the finishing touches to some of the tracks over here, look I better go I got an interview and Kevin is already ridin my ass about punctuality today,” he said looking towards the exit.

“Okay, I’ll see you round,” I said as he began to walk towards the door. I sighed as I watched him walk through it and wondered when the next time would be that I would see him. Closing my eyes I let my fingers glide over the strings as I began to play a familiar melody.

“And when we meet which I’m sure we will

All that was there will be there still

I’ll let it pass and hold my tongue

And you will think that I’ve moved on,” I sang lightly, opening my eyes I looked to where Nick had been standing and moved off the stool towards the door but Robbie and the rest of the band walked through it and like it or not I was stuck in rehearsal.

White Flag - Dido

“Penny for ‘em?” I glanced over to Robbie who had sat opposite me on the tour bus; guess I wasn’t the only one with insomnia.

“Can’t let you waste your money on my boring thoughts,” I said quietly as others were sleeping.

“Haven’t you heard? I’m rich beyond my widest dreams, Got money to burn!” He joked making me laugh. “C’mon I’m a nosey bastard, tell me.”

“Could you get a session guitarist for Live 8?” I asked timidly.

“Aha, avoiding someone are we? I wondered how long it would take you to ask, answers no, need to do my sexy dancing with you girlie, it’s a big venue you may actually not even see him,” he said whilst shuffling cards in his hands.

“Trust me I’m not that lucky,” I sighed.

“I’m gona be honest with you here, this whole mood you’re in, is only good for the amazing songs about heartbreak you’re writing at the moment, but you need to bite the bullet, shit or bust girl, you either want to be with him or you don’t, and I think we all know that answer to that.”

“Life sucks,” I sighed.

“Men enjoy the sucking,” he chuckled, dealing the cards.

“Your sick,” I laughed, throwing my book down and picking up the cards to look at them, great crap hand.

“Ahh, I know, do you think we could get a session singer for me? There are rumours take that are reforming for this,” he joked and I stuck my tongue out at him. “Can’t avoid him forever Will, like it or not you’re in the same industry so your gona bump into each other from time to time.” He said throwing a card down.

“I know, I know, it’s just hard, we didn’t leave, I didn’t leave on good terms and when we saw each other at top of the pops it was, I don’t know, we were both really guarded and it was awkward,” I said grinning when I threw two cards down in a row.

“Of course it was awkward, neither of you will be the first to admit how you feel, man I have seen you two together what, half a dozen times and I can tell how you feel about each other. I wish you would just tell him,” he said sighing when he had to pick up yet another card.

“It’s not that simple,” okay even in my head that sounded stupid.

“Bullshit, look this is how simple it has to be,” he picked up my magazine and opened it to the page with the backstreet article, “ Hi Nick, I’m sorry for being a bitch and leaving how I did, but it was only because I am in love with you,” he then turned his head and proceeded to play out Nick’s part of the conversation “That’s okay baby cause I feel the same about you, he will then proceed to pull you into his arms where you can have an amazing movie snog,” he said making me laugh.

“Yeah I think it’s a bit more complicated than that,” I said throwing another card onto the pile.

“It’s only as complicated as you make it, hell go in for it and give him a blow job, I’m sure he’d get the message,” he said throwing a card down.

“Yeah because that worked so well before,” I sighed and his eyes widened, shit Willow go and tell everyone that you screwed Nick.

“You and him did the dirty? And here I thought you were all sweet and innocent,” He laughed still a little shocked.

“See why is complicated? I asked.

“So you had sex, at least you know what your getting yourself into and he can’t be shit if you wana go back, just talk to him,” he said throwing down more cards.

“I…I was hoping he would have heard… that he would have called…” I stumbled.

“You do know he is less likely to know that you wrote it considering Dido is singing it.”

“Don’t even go there with the whole singing thing,” I rolled my eyes at him and threw down my last remaining card but he instead threw his last card down on top of mine and with a self assured smirk called “UNO.” Bastard I always forgot to call uno and so for the millionth time he had won.

“Fine I won’t, but you know I am right with the whole Backstreet Boy thing, tell him or I will publicly announce it at one of my concerts or at Live 8 where I am sure they will all be, now wouldn’t that be embarrassing.”

“Yeah and I’d sue you for all you were worth, rich man.”

“No,” I said looking back at him through the mirror.

“You do it every night on tour, why can’t you do it tonight?” He said swivelling my chair around so I was face to face with him.

“This is so different Rob, this is fucking Live 8, which is being broadcast to the entire world, your lucky I’m singing backing vocals to Angels, you have had plenty of time to get someone else, no,” I said again more sternly whilst turning back to the mirror and applying more mascara.

“Ok fine I’ll see if someone else can convince you,” and with that he was out of the dressing room, leaving me to finish getting ready. We had thirty minutes before we were due to go on stage and then we would be flying out to Berlin to continue on with the tour. So far I had avoided meeting Nick, but that was mainly because he had only arrived thirty minutes ago and hopefully he was stuck doing vocal warm-up, to busy to come and look for me and I wasn’t about to go and look for him.

After I applied my lip gloss I blew myself a kiss in the mirror and went in search of my guitar to make sure it was tuned. Our room, or should I say partition was quiet then again I was the only one in it and the paper thin walls didn’t do much to hide any sound so of course I could hear what was going on next door.

“You know what Howie, you do that and I’ll do the bit you’re supposed to do,” I heard Nick moan. Great they had the room next to ours, which made the odds of us bumping into each other more likely. Glancing at my watch I realised I had just enough time to grab a quick drink, maybe a shot for courage before we were due to gather for prayer. Lifting my guitar from my lap I walked towards the door, heading for the bar. The backstage area was huge and I walked through the maze of makeshift dressing rooms ohhing at the different names written on them. Status Quo, Paul McCartney, Madonna, U2, Elton John, Joss Stone and Snoop Dog.

Just as I walked passed the door that had Brad Pitt written in a star it opened and out walked Robbie, a huge smirk crossing his face when he saw me.

“If it isn’t the Lady herself, Brad this is who I was telling you about, and remember no picture or autograph until she says yes.”

He was even more gorgeous in real life. The jeans were just tight enough and he had on a black leather jacket that made him look yummy, was he chucking at me? Ohh maybe because he had his hand held out and I was still staring. I gladly took his hand and it was so smooth.

“Nice to meet you Willow, I am on orders that I have to make you agree to something,” he said looking into my eyes.

“I….nice to meet you, you are so dead,” I said looking to Robbie who just laughed.

“So why won’t you sing, if your singing ability is as good as your writing ability, which I am assured it is, then you have nothing to worry about.” Brad Pitt was standing here complimenting me; I could now die a happy woman.

“You know my songs?” I asked timidly.

“Of course, I love the work you’ve done with this guy here, so why won’t you agree to sing with him?”

“I… uh…I…” I stumbled making them both laugh.

“See no credible reason not to, your doing it,” Robbie said and I had to give in. “Thanks brad I knew you wouldn’t fail me, and I think we better head to it girlie, can’t keep the adoring public waiting can we,” he said steering me towards the stage and I could feel the butterflies starting to flap.

“It was nice meeting you, I’ll be watching,” Brad said, which made the butterflies flap even harder.

“Ok now I might just throw up,” I groaned as I was pulled towards the stage.

I kept seeing something jump up and down at the side of the stage and glanced over to see A.J and Nick. I didn’t have to look to know that he was there; I could feel his eyes on me during “Feel”. I knew he was going to be shocked that I was singing in front of such a massive audience and I was dying to hear what he had to say about it but then again I was also too scared to go and talk to him, to be the first one to make conversation. I turned my head back and gazed out to the thousands of people in the audience and I could feel my butterflies start to flap once again. What the hell was I doing? I must have been crazy to agree to this, but the crowd didn’t seem to mind my voice so it wasn’t too bad.

The song came to an end and Robbie thanked the crowd as we all walked off stage and towards the bar. I was kinda sad that it was one way on and one way off the stage but I was also kinda relieved as that meant that I could again avoid the awkwardness of having to make small talk with Nick. I looked over my shoulder and I could see them all huddled together in prayer, his hair had grown again and he still looked good. His head moved and I wasn’t quick enough to turn mine away, his eyes locked with mine and he threw me a smile and a wink and I felt myself smiling back towards him whilst being dragged by Neil the bass player.

“Come on the bar waits.”

“I’m gona chill here for a bit, I’ll meet up with you guys ok?” I said pulling back from his grasp, he just shrugged and carried on walking. I looked around and found a gig box which I hopped up on to, ready to watch their performance.

Twenty minutes later their set was coming to an end and I saw Nick walk towards the other wing and put on his guitar, I knew he could play as I had been the one to teach him, but he had never had the confidence to play in front of an audience before, I guess that had changed.

“Who wants to meet Nick’s new girlfriend?” Kevin asked the crowd, and there was a collective boo and no among the crowd and I think even one from me.

“This is Helga,” Nick proclaimed, “She’s an extremely good listener and she also likes my finger work,” he chuckled which made me laugh. I watched him concentrate on getting his fingering right as the band kicked in to just want you to know.

“Looking at your picture

From when we first met

You gave me a smile that I could never forget

And nothing I could do

Could protect me from you that night.” He sang the words into the mike but he wasn’t looking at the crowd instead he was looking into the wing, there was no way he could see me sat behind all these people, but he definitely knew I was here and I smiled thinking to when we had first met.

He had been a gawky sixteen year old on their first headlining European tour and it was the first summer I had spent with my Dad since my parents had divorced. On one hand it was cool because I was getting to travel Europe, but then again I was travelling Europe with my Dad, with no one my age so it kinda blew too.

I remember being sat outside the venue with a beat up guitar of my dad’s playing the opening rift to “sweet child of mine” just minding my own business when he walked outside and caused me to abruptly stop. The conversation had been strained to say the least, I wasn’t used to talking to boys seeing as I went to an all girls school at my mothers insistence, but he persevered and here we were nearly ten years later, best friends.

I sighed realising that we weren’t though; we hadn’t talked properly in nearly five months now, I missed being able to pick up the phone and ask him for help on a song, or to listen to his geeky voice mails telling me how bored he was. He once decided to read me the dictionary in a voicemail because he was bored. He got to atrocity before giving up.

I was pulled from my thoughts when A.J pulled my legs and I began to slip from the box I was sat on.

“WILLOOWWW,” he yelled, grabbing me in to a bear hug.

“Eww your sweaty,” I said but I didn’t pull back I just hugged him tighter. He eventually loosened his grip and pulled back to look at me.

“Girl you are looking fine, and hello was that meek little you singing out there? You sounded fucking amazing,” he complimented and I could feel myself blush. “Really you did, I however was complete piss from the looks that Kevin was throwing me.”

“Babe you were shit hot and you know it, you just want a compliment,” I reassured him and he smiled at me.

“You know me to well, look I gotta pee but you’re coming to the after party right?” He said jigging up and down.

“Yeah, but only till around twelve, got a flight to Berlin later.”

“Cool, I’ll see you there sweetie and we can catch up properly,” he said as he lent in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before darting off towards the toilets. I laughed as I watched him go but my then my breath caught in my throat as I heard someone clear his throat, I exhaled slowly before turning to him.

“Good evening Ladies and Gentleman this is your rep speaking, we are currently on route to Berlin, but we shall be making a brief stop. Use this time wisely, alcoholic beverages will be available, please drink as much as humanly possible, but we leave promptly at midnight, anyone not on the bus will be left behind,” Robbie said trying to keep a straight face as the tour bus came to a stop.

I clambered off and walked towards the entrance of the club. I could hear the music blaring and knew as the drink was free that it was going to be a very good night. Once inside I headed straight for the bar to get a drink.

Four tequilas later and I was buzzing, bugging Neil to take me out on the dance floor. He finally relented and I pulled him by the hand to the packed dance floor. Although I was dancing I was also looking around for a certain someone, but as I saw none of his band mates I came to the conclusion that they hadn’t yet arrived. Neil pulled me so my back was flush against his and I could feel something poking into my back, cringing I turned slightly, but he took it the wrong way and grabbed my head bringing my lips to his in a kiss.

What the hell was that? He was giving me the cold shoulder now? He had been fine before, yeah it was slightly awkward, but at least we were talking; now he was brushing me off? I glanced up toward the bar and locked eyes with A.J who waved and blew me a kiss which I returned and he made a show of catching it, which made me laugh hysterically, maybe that had something to do with all the alcohol I had consumed as well?

“Jay,Jay,” I yelled as I tried to pull him in for a hug, but stumbled into him instead.

“Will, Will, how much have you had?” He tried to scold but just ended up smiling.

“A few and I think I need some more to forget about Jackass carter blowing me off,” I said as I pouted.

“Yeah what have we learned about drinking to forget?” He asked in a teacher voice and I glanced to him in horror, realising who I was with, god Will idiot alert.

“Oh shit I’m sorry, I didn’t ….I ….I...”

“Willow honey, it’s fine, I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t handle others drinking around me,” he said, smiling.

“I know,” I sighed and looked to Nick grinding against the girl and sighed again.

“Okay, I can’t drink; your love sick, this party blows what say we bail?” He asked holding out a hand which I took and let me pull me through the crowd towards the door. Once having found a cab and clambered in it occurred to me that I had to leave for Berlin in a matter of hours.

“Wait I need to...” but he cut me off before I could finish.

“I will have you back before midnight Cinderella,” he laughed. “Now know any good places around here that are quiet?” He asked.

Five minutes later we were sat on a bench watching the water pass under London Bridge. He pulled out a cigarette and lit up, glancing to me and after sighing he finally offered me the packet which I gleefully took and also lit one up. I took a long drag and exhaled slowly, just watching the world go by, I could feel myself starting to sober up.

“You guys are fucking unbelievable you know that?” A.J said nudging me slightly but I just stayed quiet. “I really thought that tonight might have been it for you guys, after what Kevin told me about your little meeting this afternoon.”

“That’s what I thought,” I replied honestly.

“Then what happened?” he asked turning in his seat so he was sat sideways on, looking at me.

“I have no fucking clue, he blew me off, I bumped into him on the dance floor with some girl, who can I say was all over him like a rash and he blew me off for that skank,” I ranted, ok maybe I hadn’t sobered up enough as I had first thought.

“Jealous much?” he chuckled and I pouted. “Something had to have happened, he was stoked about getting there to see you, he was actually the first one ready and that never happens,” he told taking a drag.

“Well he obviously changed his mind when he got there, I was just dancing and …” Oh fuck, he saw Neil and… shit, shit, shit.

“And?” A.J probed.

“FUCK,” I yelled, “He must have seen me and Neil kissing,” I sighed tossing my dog end on the ground.

“Mystery solved, who’s Neil?”

“Guitarist, decided tonight he wanted to make a move and kinda caught me of guard, trust me totally one sided, but Nick… he must have taken it wrong and… oh fucking idiot,” I yelled the last part running my hands through my hair. I couldn’t believe that he had taken it that way, but then again I guess it was only fair, you see someone kissing then you automatically assume there something going on.

“Nick or you?”

“Both, maybe this is a sign Jay, maybe we’re not supposed to get together, I mean we don’t communicate very well do we?”

“Nope, you’re both shit at it,” he said, standing up whilst pulling me with him, “C’mon,” he said.

“Where are we going?” I asked as he pulled me toward the road to hail cab.

“To straighten this out once and for all, we are going back there and you are going to tell him how you feel,” He said and I stopped dead in my tracks. “Willow, you guys are driving the rest of us crazy, I swear to God it’s you guys that are the reason for my residing hair line.”

“I can’t Jay,” I whispered.

“Yes you can, you go up to him and tell him what he interpreted was a mistake and then you tell him how you feel about him,” he said getting into the cab that had pulled up, he sighed when I didn’t follow and pulled on my arm. “Do you want to be with him?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“How do you feel about him?” I avoided his eyes and the question but he lifted my chin so my eyes were looking directly into his. And he asked “How did you feel when you saw him today?”

“Like…like… it was like I had never wanted anything more in my life, fuck it Jay I am so in over my head in being crushed out,” I said groaning into his shoulder.

“Babe it’s more than crushed out, crushed out was like what ten years ago when you first met,” he said laughing, turning to kiss my head. “So are we going back there to get rid of skank and replace her with you?” he asked and I kinda nodded my head. “Nu-uh say it,” he demanded.

“YES!” I yelled.

I fell into the couch of the dressing room and closed my eyes trying to collect my thoughts but I was rudely interrupted by the shrill ring of my cell phone. Shuffling around I grabbed it out of my back pocket and was smiled when I saw the name flash up on the caller I.D.

“Hey you,” I answered.

“Okay you owe me like three emails Willow so don’t hey you me,” I chuckled when I heard Autumn huff down the phone.

“Sorry things have been crazy here, how you been?” I asked whilst getting comfortable again.

“So, so, blows that my best friend got stolen away to tour Europe and didn’t even invite me along,” she moaned.

“Hey you had the chance to come to live 8, not my fault you turned it down,” I teased.

“Yeah, yeah, I know but Thailand compared to England what is Autumn gona choose? Anyway I just called to say I caught you on Live 8 and you fucking rocked, you were working it girl.”

“Thanks,” I replied fiddling with a stray piece of hair that kept falling in my eyes.

“When do you get back?” She asked.

“Knebworth is next week and then that’s it, I’ll be home by the beginning of August,” I said sighing at how fast the tour had come to an end, this time next month I would be back to real life, worrying about paying bills and cleaning my apartment, instead of wondering how loud the crowd were gona be or if I was ever gona beat Robbie at UNO.

“Cool, I get back next week; we have so much to catch up on but this is costing me a bomb girl, call me when you are back in the US, K?”

“Course, have fun sweetie, see you soon.”

“Bye,” she replied before I heard a dial tone. I rested my head back against the couch and closed my eyes hoping to catch some sleep before the show started. Last night had been shit to say the least, after deciding to come clean and tell Nick how I felt I was left feeling stupid and unwanted when he had already pissed off with skank. After composing myself I quickly be lined for the bus and was glad when we finally got moving. The plane ride had been full of turbulence and with so many of us having been drinking the plane was not left in as pristine condition as when the flight had started. Sound check blew because we were all so hung-over and to make matters worse, half the pyro hadn’t turned up.

I didn’t sound like it was going to be getting any better when my alone time was interrupted by someone barging into the room.

“Yeah that’s cool man, just fax the…,” Robbie quickly stopped talking when he realised I was in the room, “Look I uh can’t really talk now, yeah that’s fine, see you later…bye,” he said as he hung up quickly. What the hell was that about?

“You didn’t have to stop because of me,” I said and he just looked at me sheepishly.

“What? Have I grown another head or something?” I asked and he just shrugged okay now I was starting to get paranoid. “Rob? What?” I asked.

“Nothing, I uh it’s just private,” he tried to side track.

“But its something to do with me though, look if your trying to set me up with Brad I’m not gona be mad,” I joked but he didn’t laugh instead he just made some excuse about being late for something and left. Okay that was weird.

Robbie rocked, I can’t believe he was going to sing this song, it would so totally suit his voice, hang on a minute I could hear the words but his mouth wasn’t… that was…oh fuck. I turned my head quickly but I still couldn’t see him I could just hear the words.

“This Romeo is bleeding

But you can’t see his blood

It’s nothing but some feelings

That this old dog kicked up

It’s been raining since you left me

Now I’m drowning in the flood

See I’ve always been a fighter

But without I give up.”

The crowd got louder and I looked to my left but he still wasn’t there, so that meant he had to be coming on from the right. I slowly turned my head and it was then he came into my view. He looked nervous walking towards me but there was also something else in his eyes. He stopped ten feet from where I was as he sang the bridge and I wanted to get up and go to him but I was frozen to the spot.

“Now I can’t sing a love song

Not that way it’s meant to be

Well I guess I’m not that good anymore

But baby that’s just me

I will love you baby

Always

And I’ll be there forever and a day

Always

Now the pictures that you left behind

Are just memories of a different life

Some that made us laugh

Some that made us cry

One that made you have to say goodbye.”

He had edged closer towards me now but I was still laughing at the stupid pictures of us that had been put up on the screens. He could be such a dork at times, being lost in my thoughts I nearly jumped ten feet when I felt him run his hands through my hair.

“What I’d give to run my fingers through you hair

To touch your lips

To hold you near

When you say your prayers

Try to understand

I’ve made mistakes

I’m just a man

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try

We could pack up our old dreams and are old lives

And fined a place where the sun still shines

I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine

Till the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme

I know when I die you’ll be on my mind

And I’ll love always.”

The song ended and I knew that I looked like a racoon due to the tears that had spilled from my eyes. He squeezed my hand which he had held since the second verse and smiled down to me, the crowd were still cheering as I stood up and cupped his face in my hands as we had the movie snog Robbie had suggested. He pulled me into his arms more as he kissed me back deeply.

“Breathe sweetie,” I said taking his hand, as soon as we had speed up for take off I felt him stiffen in his seat. Interlacing his fingers with mine and I felt him relax slightly but he still had his eyes closed, this was the quietest I had ever seen him and it made me chuckle. The plane eventually levelled out but it was only when the seatbelt sign was gone that he opened his eyes.

“Don’t laugh at me,” he whined as he nudged me.

“Sorry, it’s just funny how much you hate to fly and how much you have to do it,” I said lightly brushing my thumb over his hand.

“Yeah I know it sucks,” he yawned making me yawn along with him. It was nine am London time and I hadn’t slept for I don’t know how long. We had both gone to the wrap party for the end of the tour which was probably still going; we had left to catch a flight home. Before that I hadn’t slept well due to the hype of Knebworth, it had been amazing, all three nights of it but I was also a little sad, this tour had been a great confidence boost and last night would be one that I would never forget.

“I know we said we were gona talk about stuff…”

“But your beat, please say you’re beat cause I am,” he said making me giggle as I nodded my head. “S’cool, we’ll catch a few zz’s and talk later, got plenty of time on this fucking flight,” he groaned as he reclined his chair slightly and kicked off his shoes as I followed suit.

“I could never not like you Will, you’ve been… you’re more than just a friend, I understand why you left but I was stubborn like you, I never like admitting that I’m wrong cause when you’re wrong most of the time it’s a pain in the ass,” that made me smile at him. “After London I really wanted something to happen between us but you needed some space after asshole broke it off and I respected that and then things between us got distant. When I saw you again, I was going through a rough stage with everything, Kevin was pissing me off, I was getting heat from my folks, it was just a bad day I never meant to act like I did,” he said brushing a stray piece of my hair behind my ear. “Then when I saw you at Live 8, all I could think was that’s my best friend up there, my fucking sexy best friend and then when we talked I thought things were gona be good again, but I fucked it up by taking something the wrong way and we were back to square one,” he said sighing and we fell into silence.

“What changed your mind?” I asked.

“Alex, told me about your little rendezvous, told me straight that I needed to figure out what I wanted and he was right, he and Kris have been bugging me for weeks to talk to you,” He said rolling his eyes.

“But why last night? Live 8 was two weeks ago,” I asked confused.

“We had stuff that I had to be at for the album release and I needed time to really think on how I was going to redeem myself, but I think I did that though, didn’t I?” he asked shyly looking at me.

“You did more than that sweetie, last night was fucking amazing, I think my heart leapt into my throat when I realised who was singing, and I don’t think I thanked you for that,” I said as I kissed him soundly.

“You call that a thank you?” he sighed as he pulled away and I rolled my eyes going in for another kiss.

“Nope I’m still not feeling it,” he joked trying to keep a straight face.

“Well if you hadn’t of booked such an early flight maybe I could have thanked you properly this morning,” I said raising my eyebrows up at him.

“There’s a bathroom back there, wana join the mile high club?” he questioned. Looking around I saw most people engrossed in the film that was playing or busy doing other things. Standing up I leant over and whispered in his ear “I’m already a member,” as I walked into the isle towards the bathroom and threw him a look, hoping he’d get the message.