"I can't believe that this is really it."

32-year old Maria Dorough sighed as she stood next to her best friend, and partner in crime, Emily Loch, in the middle of her now nearly empty office at Cybercast Designs in Memphis, Tennessee. It was hard to believe that her time there was ending.

She glanced around the room in silence, taking in the memories and trying her best to make mental pictures that would last for years to come. The bookshelves that lined walls, once overflowing with her design books and samples, now stood empty but for a stray dust bunny or two. The Robin's Egg Blue, colored walls, once fully covered with photos and plans of office buildings and interior rooms she'd designed during her many years working for the company, were now completely bare. Window treatments were gone, and the plant from the corner had been moved to another office... she'd spent the entire day packing up her belongings and reminiscing all the good times she'd had there over the last seven years.

And she'd found out just how difficult it is trying to write the ending to a chapter in your life after such a long time.

"Me either." Emily grasped her hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Do you remember when that big painting fell of the wall and shattered all over the desk and we spent all day cleaning the shards of glass out of your carpet?" She whispered, "Or when we hid out in here under the desk, pretending we'd gone on lunch break just so we could avoid Mr. Davis when he came in from Corporate?"

Maria nodded and smiled.

"Oh," Emily continued, walking over to the window and pointing towards an imaginary point on the floor, "or that time when your water broke right here, all over the carpet and we had to call an ambulance just to get you to the hospital in time?"

This time Maria laughed. How could she forget? She'd been eight and a half months pregnant with her son when he'd decided he was ready to make his grand entrance into the world. And grand it had been. She'd only barely made it to the hospital before Cash had been born.

"I also seem to remember a certain someone, nearly passing out in the back of the ambulance on the way..." she taunted Emily, poking her lightly in the ribs.

"Hey!" Emily retorted, poking her back, "it's not my fault... that needle was friggin' HUGE!"

"Yeah... well you're not the one who got stabbed with it."

The two of them laughed as Emily leaned over and gave Maria a giant hug. "I sure am gonna miss you girl."

"I'm gonna miss you too!" She wiped a single tear that had slipped from her eye as she gave Emily one last hug before she watched her slip from the room to head back to her own office and back to the work she still had to do.

Maria breathed deeply, turning away from the door and walking towards her desk. She took a seat in her comfortable orthopedic office chair. The one Howie had given her for her birthday, a year and a half ago when she'd found out she was pregnant with their son. She glanced around the room once more, just trying her best to take it all in.

Her desk, once saturated in papers, designs, business cards and sketches of offices, now stood completely free of clutter for the first time in seven years. The one thing left was a picture of her family. The last thing she would take with her from her office. She lifted it gently and smiled at the sight of her husband and her children staring back at her from the photo.

Maria smiled as she thought of all the memories her family had made during the week that photo was taken. Even the memory of the photo itself was a happy one. They had been vacationing at their beach house in Florida, visiting with family and they'd all gotten dressed up to go out to dinner. The sun was setting and the weather was perfect and Howie had taken a very fussy Cash out to sit on the deck and the two of them had dozed off together in the rocking chair as they'd waited for everyone else to get ready to go. Maria and Olivia, their daughter, had found them there and Maria had grabbed the camera, snapping the photo just as Olivia had crawled up into Howie's lap besider her brother and woken Howie up. Howie's eyes still looked sleepy, but he was smiling peacefully as Olivia kissed him gently on the cheek and baby Cash was nestled comfortably in the crook of his arm. They'd never looked more perfect to her.

Maria sat gazing at the photo for several more long moments, and couldn't help but feel extremely lucky. Lucky to have all three of these wonderful people in her life.

She took one last look around her office before tucking the photo into her bag for safekeeping.

She could honestly think of no better reason to leave all of this behind.

"Hey Maria," the receptionist called to her several minutes later, leaning into her office door where she was loading the last remaining items into boxes to take home.

"Yes Cathy?"

"You have a call on line three."

Maria took the end of the pencil she was chewing on out of her mouth and started to pick up the phone, "Wait..." she called as Cathy peeked her head back in the doorway, "do you have any idea who it is?" She wasn't expecting any calls from any clients and she certainly didn't want to get roped into any last minute projects she couldn't turn down. Because she was not good at saying 'no.'

Cathy smiled, "It's Howie."

Maria smiled back and sighed relieved, "Okay then, go ahead and put him through. I'll pick it up in here."

She walked back to her desk and sat down carefully on the edge as she waited for the phone to ring.

"My last phonecall at Cybercast..." she thought as she placed the receiver to her ear. Bittersweet for sure.

"Hey sweetheart," she heard the sound of her husband's voice on the other line. It brought a much needed smile to her face.

"Hey babe."

"You having a good day?"

"I am. I'm almost finished packing up the office now..." she sighed, glancing around at the bare walls and the empty shelves. This new emptiness was nearly overwhelming.

"That's good baby," he answered back after a moment's pause. She could tell he was fiddling with something in the background. Probably cooking spaghetti O's or coloring with Olivia. He was good at multitasking. "I was just wondering what time we were supposed to meet you at the airport?"

"Umm..." Maria glanced at her watch and realized she was running father behind that she had realized... "I'll be there by six."

"Okay hun, I'll let you get back to packing... we'll see you th..."

"Wait a minute!" Maria interuppted, trying to make herself sound flabbergasted, but failing pretty miserably at as she laughed into the phone. "Is that the only reason you even called? Where's the love!?"

Howie chuckled and sighed, "I'm sorry Mar... I'm just tired... I love you baby."

Maria couldn't help but smile, "I love you too. I'll see you guys in a little while."

She hung up the phone and walked over to the large picture window, standing there for a long while just gazing out across the city. It's the one thing she'd miss the most - the view of downtown Memphis. Her window allowed her to see practically the entire city... and she had the perfect view of St. Jude Children's Hospital... where she'd created so many fond memories. A lot of sadness in that building, but a lot of happiness too, and she got to see that first hand when she'd spent several years designing rooms for one of the wards in their newest wing. It was a work experience she would always remember as one of the best.

She sighed once more and glanced over to where she'd hung up the phone moments earlier. "Howie did sound exhausted," she thought to herself as she returned to her packing. "I really hate that I have to leave for two weeks."

But she had no choice. Her final project with the company, and the condition upon which they'd allowed her to leave, entailed her flying to Hawaii for two weeks. It wasn't that she wasn't looking forward to the idea of spending two long weeks on the beautiful island, with the sand and the sun and the warm weather.... it was just that she hated the idea of leaving her children, and her husband for two weeks. She'd done it before though... she and Howie both had. She knew he could manage... she just hated that he had to.

She smiled again as she thought about her husband. Howie was an amazing man... and the main reason she was even leaving her job at Cybercast and planning on becoming a stay at home mother. It wasn't a big secret that Maria's husband was Howie Dorough. The 34-year-old member of the pop sensation, the Backstreet Boys. And it was no big secret that Howie made plenty of money. More than enough for the both of them. And from the moment she'd found out she was pregnant with Olivia, Howie had made it clear to her that it would be her choice whether she remained a professional or became a stay at home mom. He hadn't rushed her into any decisions, or demanded she stay home and raise her children herself... but rather, he'd told her that he would respect whatever choice she made, no matter what that choice may be. And he'd stayed true to that word. She was grateful for that.

But regardless of what he said, and no matter how much he honored and respected her wished, Maria had always really known in her heart that Howie wished that his children could have the kind of mother he had had growing up... the kind of mother deep down Maria had always wanted to be. And that was not the kind of mother who was constantly tied down by projects.

The St. Jude Project had been the reason she hadn't quit her job 4 years ago when Olivia was born. She'd loved that project with every fiber of her being, and she was determined to see it through to the end, pregnancy or not... baby or not. Sure she'd taken time off after Olivia's birth, and then again when she'd given birth to Cash 8 months ago... but now that the project had officially come to an end, Maria was ready to move on to bigger and better things. Those things being her home and her family.

She'd be spending those two weeks in Hawaii and then flying back home to join Howie and their family at their home in Florida. They'd be moving back to Tampa for good after 5 years of living in Memphis. Memphis was where her family had started. It was where her children had been born. It was certainly bittersweet to be leaving it all behind... but she couldn't wait to get a fresh start on life.

She grabbed the last box of items from her desk and stacked it in the corner for the movers. She tossed her bag over her shoulder and stood at the door for a minute, taking one last long look around the room. She sure was going to miss this place. She shut the door behind her, locking it with a final 'click.' She left quickly, trying to avoid all the long sad goodbyes... she wasn't very good with goodbyes. She made her way to the parking garage and climbed into her car, heading off towards the airport.

"I'll miss you all..." she whispers as she drives away.

34-year-old Howie Dorough pulls into the crowded parking lot at Memphis International Airport. It's 6:02 in the evening. He's running late and he's exhausted. He spent the entire day with his fellow Backstreet Boy and friend, Nick Carter, packing boxes for their move back to Florida and it's quickly catching up to him.

"Daddy's getting old," he says glancing in the rearview mirror at his 4-year-old daughter. Her only response is a small snore. 'Great' he thinks to himself... a Backstreet Boy, tackling the airport alone with two small, sleeping children. He sighs and opens the door, slipping on his sunglasses and baseball cap -- his only hope of not being recognized is to go incognito and he doubts, on a day like today when he really isn't in the mood to meet up with fans, that it will work. He steps quickly around to the trunk of the car and whips out the double stroller.

"Good lord." He mutters quietly under his breath. "This thing weighs a ton."

He sets it up beside the car and goes about putting the kids in. First he grabs Cash, carseat and all and snaps him into the front seat, easy enough. Cash wakes up and gives Howie a small coo and flashes him a toothless grin. Howie grins back and tickles him under the chin. Nothing makes him love being a father more than when they smile at him. He goes quickly to the other side of the car and unbuckles a sleeping Olivia. This task is a little more difficult. She fusses and whines as he removes her from her carseat and plops her down in the back of the stroller. She stares up at him grumpily and rubs her eyes. He laughs... even the grumpy looks make him smile these days. He lays her seat back and hands her her blankie out of the car as she snuggles in and closes her eyes again. He grabs the diaper bag out of the front and heads off down the sidewalk of the the airport to wait for Maria.

He stares up at the sky as he walks along, it's a beautiful day and the planes flying overhead remind him of how much he misses being on tour. Even when he was a child Howie had loved to travel. He may in fact, be the only Backstreet Boy who actually enjoys the traveling part of touring more than the performing. They aren't set to start touring again until sometime in the fall. He's not sure he can wait that long. It's been 6 years since their last big tour and so much has changed. He, Kevin, and Brian are father's now and AJ's engaged to be married. With all of their families traveling may be a little less peaceful. He looks down at his sleeping angels in the stroller and sighs. 'Actually' he mumbles quietly to himself... 'you guys have made the last 6 years seem like 6 minutes so I guess waiting a while longer won't hurt.'

He stops by the automatic glass doors leading into the main airport terminal and lifts his cellphone from the tray of the stroller. He dials her number and puts it to his ear. Before it even has a chance to ring he catches sight of her across the parking lot. She's running along quickly, carrying her bag in one hand and waving with the other. She's obviously running late too... that makes him feel a little bit better. Their eyes meet and she smiles brightly. Even after 8 years of marriage her smile still takes his breath away.

"Hey hon!" she calls out to him as she hurries along the sidewalk lugging her bags. He leaves the stroller's side momentarily, never taking his eyes off of it to help her out. The two of them kiss as Howie reaches down and takes her bags from her.

"I will not miss Tennessee rush-hour traffic." She says out of breath as she peers down at her sleeping daughter in the stroller. "How long has she been out?"

"Since a few minutes before we got," He replies... "So about 10, maybe 15 minutes tops." She nods and leans in to kiss her softly on the cheek.

"I won't wake her up then."

She turns towards the front of the stroller and flips the hood on her son's carseat. Cash grins up at her and shrieks a small baby shriek of joy at the sight of his mommy. As she unbuckles him and lifts him from his seat Howie can't help but smile at the two of them. All of Olivia's life their families and friends have constantly told Howie how much she looked like him... but not Cash. Cassius Alexander Dorough was from the moment he was born, is now, and probably always will be the spitting image of his mother. She cuddles the baby close for a few moments and kisses his cheeks softly.

"I hate this." She says looking over at Howie as a tear slips down her cheek. He steps quickly to her side and wipes it away.

"I know baby... but this is it. This is the last project and then you can spend everyday with them."

"I just hate saying goodbye." She sighs and kisses him again before she places him back in his seat.

"Ugh," she groans as she looks down at her watch, "I'm gonna be late if we don't get going."

Howie opens the door and she pushes the stroller inside. He follows her quickly to the luggage check and sets her bags up on the counter. When they are finished there they walk to the security check together.

"This is it." She says as she takes his hands in hers.

"Yeah. I really hate this new airport security stuff... I wish we could watch your plane take off." He sighs as the line shortens and her turn draws closer.

She looks down at her sleeping children and shakes her head. "It's for the best babe. Go ahead and get them home to bed... I'll call you first thing in the morning. My plane won't get in until too late to call you tonight."

He nods his head and smiles. "I love you Mar."

She smiles... she loves when he calls her that.

"I'll miss you... but have some fun in paradise for all of us."

"I love you too sweetheart... I'll try."

And with that he kisses her goodbye and watches as she disappears beyond the metal detectors. He turns the stroller slowly and heads back towards the airport exit.

It was getting late by the time Howie and the children finally arrived back at their Memphis home. He struggled to unlock the door as he set Olivia down on the porch and propped Cash's infant seat against his hip. When the key finally clicked and the door opened Olivia burst past him and ran inside heading straight for the playroom.

"Bath in 10 minutes," he called out behind her as he unbuckled his now screaming son from his carseat and grabbed a bottle from the fridge. He flipped on the television and curled the baby into his arms as he sucked down his bottle at warp speed.

"Goodness," He laughed as he lifted him onto his shoulder for a burp when the bottle was empty only moments later, "do you think we're trying to starve you or something?"

Cash wiggled on his shoulder and let out a soft belch. He stood and placed him gently in his baby swing before walking towards the playroom to wrangle Olivia into her bedtime routine. "Bathtime big girl," he said as he rounded the corner to find her sitting on the floor quietly working one of her favorite jigsaw puzzles.

"Okie dokie daddy," She said as she jumped up and into his arms. He gave her a million kisses and thanked God silently for giving him such wonderful children.

The two of them walked out to the living room to check on the baby as the bathwater ran. He was thankfully fast asleep in his swing. Howie grabbed Olivia's pjs off the back of the couch and they headed back towards the bathroom together. He plopped her down into the warm water and sat on the side of the tub watching as she splashed around with her tub toys and showed him how she could hold her breath under water.

"Watch me daddy!"

"Did you see me daddy?"

"Look how big I am daddy!"

She was so excited and he smiled proudly at his daughter's newest feat. They grew up way too fast. He missed the days when she curled into the crook of his arm and drank her bottle. Unlike Cash she had been a slow and picky eater, quick to vomit on his shoulder when she'd finished her bottle. He hadn't minded though. He loved those little differences... all of them. He silently noted to himself that Maria was right -- they would have to try for another one pretty soon... before the chance passed them by.

"Did you have fun tonight?" He asked her as he washed her hair with her favorite lavender smelling baby shampoo.

"Mmmhmm." She nodded. "Mommy doesn't let us eat Old McDonalds when she's home."

He laughed. He loved when she called it that... and she was certainly right. Mommy didn't let them eat at McDonald's very often. It was definitely a special daddy treat.

"Did you have fun at the park?"

She nodded again and smiled up at him. "Daddy can we go to the park again tomorrow?"

God... when had she grown up and turned into a person? And how had he missed it?

"We'll see baby." He rinsed her hair and pulled her out of the tub before wrapping her in a fresh towel. He checked on the baby again... still sleeping... and carried Olivia into her bedroom to get dried off and dressed. He changed her into her pjs and dried her hair with the towel. She yawned and big yawn and he yawned along with her.

"Daddy will you sleep with me tonight?" She asked giving him the biggest puppy dog eyes he'd ever seen. He laughed and shook his head. He was going to be a sucker down the road when she used those eyes to milk the money out of him.

"Not tonight sweetie, daddy needs to do some work." The look on her face nearly broke his heart.

"But daddy'll ready you a story," he added quickly hoping to cheer her up a bit.

She grinned and bounced over to the shelf to pick one out. Madeline. His favorite and hers.

She was asleep before the story was even over. Before Ms. Clavel had a chance to turn on the light. Before Madeline even said "Poo poo" to the tiger in the zoo. Howie sighed and rolled her carefully off of his chest before tucking her in under the covers. He kissed her forehead and stood there staring at her for several minutes. He loved these moments. They were by far the type of moments that made parenting completey worthwhile. He walked to her bedroom door and turned out the lights. He could hear Cash cooing in the living room before he even reached the end of the hall. He scooped him up out of his swing and tossed him lightly up into the air as he giggled.

"Come on big boy," He said as he gave him the same million kisses he'd given Olivia, all over his face and under his chubby neck. "We'll take a bath together and then it's bedtime."

Cash let out a small whimper and Howie laughed.

"Don't get any ideas son. You're far too young to argue!"

He snuggled him close and they headed off to the bathroom together.

Maria picked her head up off the small airport coffee shop table and took a glance at her surroundings. There were a few people sauntering by in the terminal... probably waiting for the same plane, but for the most part they were alone. Her plane had been delayed three times now and she was starting to wonder if she shouldn't just grab a hotel room and call it a night. She looked down at her watch, it was already midnight. She would have called Howie... she longed to hear his voice again, but she knew he'd be in bed asleep... that's where she would be if she were home. It was something they'd learned quickly when Olivia was born... late nights no longer existed. Early bedtimes and early sunrises were the new fashion. She smiled thinking of Olivia curled up sleeping in her bed... of Cash in his crib on his tummy with his hiney stuck way up in the air. She loved to watch her children sleep...

Her husband's voice shook her from her thoughts as she caught her self singing along with the song she hadn't noticed until now was playing through the airport's speakers. It was comforting... she loved this song. She glanced around once more and couldn't help but think how strange the day had been. She'd gone through three airports now and hadn't been noticed or recognized by a single person. It was nice though. Sometimes being the wife of a Backstreet Boy wasn't easy... sometimes it was a downright media frenzy, but she took the good and the bad and she loved her husband regardless of the paparazzi that came along with him. It was strange not having people walking up and wanting autographs... strange not having people want to shake her hand and say hello. Truthfully, right now she missed it. In her lonliness she longed for someone to speak to her. For someone to sit down across the table and say hello or ask where she was headed to. Someone other than the waitress at the coffee shop would be nice.

She fidgeted in her seat and tried hard to keep her eyes open. She would definitely sleep through the last leg of her flight to Hawaii. She reached down in her carryon bag and pulled out a card... the postcard she'd bought about an hour before. She flipped it over and glanced happily at the front. She'd found it in the airport gift shop... she'd been in there five times now out of sheer boredom, but she was glad she'd gone back because she'd found the postcard on her final trip. It was perfect. There was a picture of the ocean on the front with the words "It's Heaven!... Wish You Were Here." Nothing in that moment could have been more true. She'd never found herself missing her family so much. Not on any of the long trips she'd taken before... this time just felt different.

She pulled out a pen and flipped the postcard back over. What to write? She wanted it to be perfect and simple... something along the lines of "I miss you and love you and I really do wish you were here with me," but for whatever reason when she started to write, she couldn't stop. Her thoughts ran freely as her pen scritched back and forth along the paper and before she knew it she'd written a near novel there on the back of the card. She sighed when she finished and looked down to read it. "Howie will have a good laugh over this one" she thought as she smiled and tucked it back into her bag.

She stood and examined the large screen above her head. Flight 2137 to Honolulu International was finally running on time and scheduled to depart in 45 minutes. She had a little bit of time to run to the airport post office and drop her postcard in the box... that way Howie and the kids would recieve it before they left for Tampa. She smiled in spite of herself. She really was looking forward to this trip to Hawaii, she just did't understand the nagging feeling about saying goodbye this time.

Ring Ring -- Ring Ring

Howie jolted in his bed, the sound of the phone jarred him from his finally peaceful sleep. He'd been up three times with Cash since they'd gone to bed only hours before, and in his mind he was cursing the arrival of morning.

Ring Ring

He rolled over and squinted his eyes against what he expected to be the sunlight coming through the window... but wait. It was still dark. Pitch black in fact and when he rolled over to examine the clock he knew why. 4:21 am. What?

Ring Ring

He stumbled out of bed to the dresser where the phone was located, cursing whoever the hell was calling at this time of the morning. Cursing the morning too. He was cursing everything really. He wanted to curl up and go back to sleep. Maybe he could just ignore them.

Ring Ring

Maybe not.

He finally reached the phone and yanked it from it's base, "This better good!" He said harshly into the line before really thinking. He highly expected to hear Nick's voice on the other line... to hear that he was drunk and needed a place to crash or a sober friend to give him a ride home, but the voice he heard was not Nick's at all.

"Mr. Dorough?"

He nodded his head before realizing the voice on the other end of the line couldn't see him, then he spoke. "Yes?"

"Mr. Dorough, I'm really sorry to bother you at this time of the mornin' but there is someone out here that really needs to speak to you."

He recognized the voice now, it was James, the security guard at the front gates to their secure neighborhood. He liked James, always had, but this was 4 am and he really didn't plan on having company and he certainly didn't want company at this hour.

"Who is it James?" He asked, his patience growing a wee bit thin.

"Um... well one is a police officer."

"Oh." Howie sighed. Now he really figured this had something to do with Nick. What kind of trouble had he gotten himself into? Public intoxication this time? Thrown out of bar again? He shook his head only imagining what the outcome would be when he invited them in and proceeded to smack Nick upside his bloody head right there in front of the police. Maybe they'd cart him off to jail too. Then at least he might be able to get a good night's sleep.

"Go ahead and let them through..." He finally sighed into the phone, "just give me a minute to get dressed and check on the kids."

"No problem sir. Sorry again to bother you."

"It's okay James."

He hung up the phone and sighed, if he could only catch a break... well that or a good night's sleep. It had been about 4 years since he last had one of those...

Howie stumbled across his darkened room, mumbling quietly to himself under his breath as he grabbed a pair of sweats from the chair in the corner and a t-shirt from the stack his wife had left in the clothes basket by the closet just waiting to be packed for their big move to Florida. He hissed loudly when his foot made contact with the corner of the nightstand and held his breath briefly when he heard Cash stirring in the baby monitor. Tense moments passed and when no more noise was heard he continued getting dressed in a rush and as silently as possible (so as not to disturb any child) he slipped out of his room to the stairs, hoping to get to the door before who ever it was decided it would be a good idea to ring the doorbell and wake the entire household.

He'd just hit the bottom step when he heard the first loud knock. He bolted for the door quickly and flung it open just in time to catch a burly police officer on his front steps, finger poised and ready to ring the bell.

"Please don't!" He said rather more harshly then he'd meant to, and then added, "my children are asleep upstairs."

The cop gave him a knowing nod and for the first time since he'd opened the door Howie actually had the opportunity to take in the sight of the two individuals standing before him. The police officer was an older guy, probably around 50, with a grumpy look about him and a gut that stood out a few good feet. He honestly was the epitomy of the "donut eating cop" stereotype. The woman standing next to him was younger, around 30 maybe, and she wore a uniform Howie didn't recognize. A blue suit he was sure didn't belong to a law enforcement officer.

"What can I do for you?" Howie asked, still a little frustrated by the entire ordeal of being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to answer the door at all.

The police officer gave him a solemn look and Howie watched as the man's face softened a bit before he finally spoke, "may we come in?"

Oh. Well it hadn't even occured to Howie until that moment to invite them in. Why would he really? Two strangers on his doorstep in the middle of the night, even if one of them WAS a police officer. Hell he couldn't know that for sure. For all he knew these could be two crazy fans just looking for a way to get deeper into his personal life. He'd certainly seen crazier. Fans stowing away on buses... trying to chase them down in their cars... buying rooms in hotels they thought the guys were staying at just so they could stake out the lobby for days. Nope, he wouldn't put it past anyone.

The officer seemed to be reading his mind at the very moment these thoughts were running through his mind. He quickly drew his ID badge from his pocket and offered it to Howie.

"Officer Andrew Minton of the Memphis Police," he introduced himself, "please Mr. Dorough, can we have a few moments of your time?"

Howie nodded, a little unnerved by the sudden change in demeanor of the man. He'd continued to soften, his voice, his expressions, everything about him had changed since Howie'd opened the door a few moments before. Finally convinced that the man was indeed an officer of the law, yet still a little wary of his sidekick, he opened the door a bit wider and motioned for the two of them to step inside. Watching closely as they entered his foyer and stood waiting for him to close the door.

Once in the living room he gestured towards the couch where the officer quickly took a seat, the woman stayed standing, an uneasiness radiating from her that made Howie himself feel unwelcome in his own home. He couldn't put a finger on the woman at all... and he was usually pretty good at reading human emotions -- he'd learned that from all the years of living in a cramped bus with Aj and Nick -- but not this time. This time he couldn't tell what the woman was feeling at all. She seemed somewhat sad to Howie. Or maybe it was a disturbed sort of emotion. Or even some anger. And finally, after he'd been looking at her long enough that she turned away, he stopped trying to guess at all.

"Can I ask why you're here?" Howie finally spoke after a few minutes of awkward silence during which the officer shifted about nervously in his chair and the woman stood staring at nothing at all.

Officer Minton looked down at his hands and then up towards the woman who shook her head slightly and turned away to look at the picture above the fireplace. "Mr. Dorough," the man finally spoke after watching the back of the woman's head for a few moments, "this isn't easy news to give... nor will it be easy news for you to hear..."

Howie looked at him questioningly. This, whatever it was, didn't sound good. He could only imagine the kind of trouble one of his brother's had gotten into this time. He only hoped to God they hadn't completely gone off the deep end this time and ended up dead. He said a silent pray in his mind that all his friends were safe and nodded towards the cop as he took the chair across from him. "Well, whatever it is, I guess I'm going to have to hear it huh?"

Minton nodded and Howie noticed that he was wringing his hands together in his lap. "There's been an accident Mr. Dourough."

Howie stared at the man sitting across from him. What kind of an accident he wondered? "What kind of accident?" He finally asked, his voice make it very noticable that he was on edge now.

Minton turned towards the woman who was now standing by the fireplace. She seemed frozen to the spot, unable to move and Howie was almost certain she was holding her breath. She turned her head away everytime one of them looked her direction, carefully eyeing the photos hanging from the walls, the family portraits and the snapshots from the years gone by. "This is Lauren Graham," he finally spoke as she turned her head toward the two of them once more, still unable to make any sort of eye contact, "she works with AmerInternational Airlines."

Howie's breath suddenly caught in his throat at the word 'airline'. He wracked his brain momentarily trying to figure out which one of his friends might be flying this week, who it could be... what the hell might have happened. An accident? An airplane? It certainly didn't sound good. He looked at the man again and nodded for him to continue, "what happened?"

Officer Minton took a deep breath as if trying to ponder his words very carefully before he spoke, "AmerInternational flight 2137 went down early this morning at around 3:30 am -- 12:30 am pacific time," he continued, a concern showing on his face.

Howie shook his head, still not understanding, still not even really fully awake enough to completely comprehend what was going on around him, "I don't understand... what does this have to do with me?"

"Mr Durough," the officer continued, the expression on his face changing rapidly from one of concern to one of grim defeat, "we have confirmed that your wife, a Mrs. Maria Jane Durough, was on board the plane.

Howie felt a chill run down his spine. He couldn't have heard what he thought he'd just heard. What the man said... it was all in his imagination, right? He shook his head in disbelief. "Wha? How... where?" He spoke the words, but had no real idea what he was saying. He watched as the officer stood and came beside him, placing a heavy hand gently on his shoulder before he said the words that ripped his very heart from his chest, "The plane went down shortly after takeoff," the man began, "it landed in a wooded area a few miles from the airport. Our crews have searched the scene for over an hour now... there are no survivors."

Howie sat in shocked silence. The room felt as if it were spinning, the walls were closing in and the lights were growing dim around him. He felt alternately hot and cold, sweaty and shivery, and a strange taste found it's way to his mouth. He repeatedly shook his head in disbelief.

"No." He spoke after a few moments... "no."

Officer Minton sat beside him, not speaking, not comforting, just being there. Nothing he could have said at that moment could have made the situation any better. Nothing he could have done would have changed the outcome. Howie's silence quickly turned into deep gasping breaths, the sure sign of a man in shock. Lauren rushed to the kitchen quickly and filled up a cup of water, bringing it back to the living room with a shaking hand, watching as Howie took a few small sips, still shaking his head in confusion. The water had no sooner passed his throat and made it to his stomach than Howie jumped from his chair and bolted towards the hall bathroom, flinging the door open wide and retching loudly as he vomited repeatedly into the toilet.

This could not be happening. This could just not be happening.

The officer and the woman were behind him all the while, the officer grabbing a tissue from the box and handing it to him when he finally came up for a breath of air in between sobs and gasps and wretchs, but only for a moment before he was hovering above the toilet again. Howie felt the man's hand on his shoulder as he vomited the last of what was left in his stomach, praying this would end soon. That he would wake up from this nightmare... the kind of nightmare that you jolt awake from in fear of it being true and even when you do wake up you still think it really happened... this had to be that kind of nightmare. Someone should pinch him... or maybe punch him. At the very least someone should knock him out cold so these feelings of hopelessness and cofusion and disbelief that flooded his mind would be gone. Gone.

But no. The man's hand was still there on his shoulder when he finally finished. The woman he could see in the mirror on the wall, standing a few feet outside the bathroom with a look of sheer terror on her face. One that could only echo the way he was feeling on the inside. The room began to spin again and Howie found himself sitting on the floor, his head between his knees, the officer pulling his phone from the waist of his pants.

"Is there someone we can call for you? You shouldn't be alone right now. You should have someone here with you... for you, who can help you more than we can."

Who would he call in a time like this? Who could he call? She was always the one he went to for everything. For years now she had been his one true source of strength and hope, of life and love in this world. Who the hell could he turn to when the entire reason for his life today was gone... just gone. Just like that and how unfair. And this couldn't be right. He looked into the officer's eyes in search of any sign that this was all just some sick, sick prank. A prank gone horribly wrong. But there was no sign there.

This was real. This was happening.

"Nick," Howie finally whispered as he leaned his head back down between his knees, hoping the feelings of utter despair would pass, "please call Nick... tell him I need him to get over here right now."