“We need to clear out the room, please. Everybody just leave quietly and there’ll be no more problems.” The officer kept his authoritarian stance as he watched the small crowd of semi-drunk twenty-somethings disperse the scene. Seeing the man who was the cause of his visit rise and begin to leave, he grabbed him by the arm. “Except for you…you stay with me.”

“Aw, shit, man…what the hell for?” To say he was a little intoxicated would be an understatement. It had probably been a good thing the officer had grabbed his arm or he’d be flat on his face right now.

“From what I understand, you’re why I’m here. Now sit your lily white ass down on that chair until I get the story straight.”

“I ain’t sittin’ down for nobody. I’m goin’ home.”

“Young man, I suggest you sit down.”

Yanking his arm from the grip of the officer’s, the offender finally did move enough to land on the floor. Fortunately for him, it was on his ass. “There, I’m sitting.”

“Not quite what I had in mind. How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“Not enough. I can still feel something.”

“You’re gonna feel my cuffs on your wrists if you don’t get up here and cooperate with me.”

With his arms draping over his knees the young man finally dropped his head, realizing there was no way he could stand up without help and most likely without throwing up. “I can’t, Officer. I’m drunk.”

“And you punched one of your companions…or do you even remember that?”

“He was bein’ a dick.”

“Mmm…come on. You’re too drunk to drive and make sense. I’m takin’ you in for the night.”

“What!? No! You can’t do…” He struggled to get up, grabbing at chairs and tables, slipping and sliding along with them across the tiled floor. Finally upright, or so he thought, he practically begged, “…You can’t DO that! You can’t take me in!”

“Oh yeah…I can and I will. Come on.”

Taking hold of the blonde’s arm again, he tried to escort him out to his car. Common sense be damned, the taller man fought. Again. And fell. Again. “Shit. This can’t be happening.”

“It is and now you are under arrest.”

Before he knew what hit him the drunken man was cuffed and being forcefully led outside to the squad car, with what felt like a million eyes on him. Not that a million eyes on him was necessarily a new thing, but this way? With humiliation to boot? Well, now that he thought of it, this was becoming a bit too familiar as well.

Tossing the drunk against the car, the officer’s partner began the routine of pat down and rights. When he’d finished examining his back, he spun the blonde around and finally looked at his face.

“Well, well, well…if it isn’t ‘You can’t arrest a Backstreet Boy!’ I see we meet again, Carter.”

“Fuck you.”

“You know, you’re in enough trouble as it is. I’d shut those rosy lips of yours until you get your attorney here. Which will be in the morning. Tonight? You detox.”

Taking a breath and finally thinking better of it, Nick let the officer lower him into the car. He wouldn’t cry this time. This time, he wouldn’t feel…anything.

“Are you sure no security alarms are gonna go off, man?”

“Just throw the damned rock, Rod! Christ! You’re such a pussy come crunch time.”

The young boy flipped off his impatient friend and finally heaved the large rock through the window, flinching in anticipation of an alarm. Peeling his eyes opened first, he had to laugh. “Yeah, call me a pussy…open your eyes, chicken shit.” Smacking his other friend on the back of his head, “You too, asshole.”

“What!? God…we’re here, we’re here. Now get the hell inside.” The blonde boy cupped his hands together and bent down so the shortest of the three could step up and go inside first. Once his feet disappeared into the room, he jumped up, hoping he wouldn’t get too cut up on the broken glass.

“Okay, Steve. You’re next. Grab my hand.”

The tallest of the bunch took hold of the blonde’s hand and together worked to get him inside without ripping his jeans or slicing his belly on the jagged window pane.

Brushing his hands of small shards of glass, Rod grabbed the goody bag. “Okay, boys. Let’s go.”

After the cans of spray paint were dispersed, the three boys set to work. Quietly making their way through the school library, they began quickly and forcefully pulling books off shelves, leaving them in splattered piles all along the rows. Once satisfied with that, they made their way into the media room and began the art of spray painting. Streams of red, blue and green covered the walls and equipment, getting into their inner mechanisms, making them not only a mess, but virtually useless.

With one final sweep of the main desk, clearing it of all of the papers, books and trinkets, the boys made their way into the hall to see if they could get any further with their destruction.

Just as they entered the science lab and Steve had knocked over a collection of beakers, their fun was brought to a grinding halt.

“Hold it right there! Nobody move!”

“Aw, shit…”

“Hands up…don’t move a muscle!”

Two of the three boys peaked up from wherever they were working and slowly turned to the booming voice, hands on their heads and eyes as large as saucers.

“Is this it? There’s just two of you!?”

“No…Hey, Asshole! Get up here, man…you’re payin’ right along with us.”

Finally a blonde tuft of hair peeked up from behind a movable sink, knowing full well he had just lost his last playing card in the game with the cops. He’d screwed up one too many times. Standing slowly, he brought his hands up and clasped them behind his head, looking apologetically at his two friends.

“Oh, well, of course. It’s you. Why am I not surprised?” Walking toward the leader of the pack, the officer took hold of the blonde’s arm and led him outside. “Come on. All three of you. You’re goin’ with me.”

The boys silently made their way to the squad car, cooperating fully with anything the officer asked before getting into the cars. Fear wasn’t always a bad thing.

“Hope you had fun today, boys. I reckon it’ll be awhile before you have any again.”

Various whispered expletives left the back seat as the officer drove the boys to the station. For Steve and Ron, it’d be just a glitch in their record. But for the blonde? He had a record already. He’d been warned to keep it clean. But he just…he couldn’t. He was uncharacteristically quiet all the way in, running various scenarios through his head, wondering how he might sweet talk his way out of this one. It wasn’t looking good.

Finally at the station, the three boys piled out of the car, grudgingly following the arresting officer inside. “Go sit down over there. And I’m not cuffing you because you’ve cooperated. Don’t make me regret it.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…dickhead.”

No more words fell from the boys’ lips as they sat and contemplated the reactions they’d get for their plight this day. Moms, dads, teachers…and for the leader? Probationary officer. Social worker. He’d be paying for this forever. They’d all wanted attention and now they had it. Why did they get themselves into this?

Just as they were calming a bit from the adrenaline rush from the break-in, the vandalism and the subsequent arrest, they were startled out of their somberness when someone new was brought in. He was not as cooperative as they had been to be sure.

“Let GO of me, goddammit! Do you know who I AM!?”

“Yeah, and I don’t care. Now shut up, quit fighting and move the hell inside the gate. You’re just making my list longer.”

The three boys watched the exchange wondering who this person was, unable to really get a good look at him. He finally quit staring and leaned back on his bench with an exhausted sigh. That was his future if he didn’t get it together. Drunken arrests, arguing with the cops, making an ass of himself in public. Yep. Thing was, no one would care anyway. Why the hell should he?

“Ah, Mr. Carter. Nice of you to show up to your sentencing this time. You’ve really done it to yourself, haven’t you?”

“Yes’m.” He couldn’t look up. He could barely breathe. Last time this happened, he was able to slide out of it with no mark on his record at all. But this time? Oh no, he wasn’t smart enough to learn. Public drunkenness, assault, resisting arrest…yet again. He’d barely cooled his pen from the stupid letter of apology he had to write to the cop for being insolent before. And now, here he stood appearing in court for sentencing yet again. It didn’t seem so funny anymore.

“I see that you’ve not learned your lesson, and now you’ve just become a damned drunken nuisance. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?”

“No, ma’am.” Where any of the guys here? Probably not. They cut all ties with him since the end of tour. Only time anyone showed up was for a scheduled appearance. Otherwise, he might as well fall off the face of the planet…until he tries to do something for himself. Then, suddenly, they call claiming selfish motives. How are you supposed to care about a group that cares nothing for you? How are you supposed to care about yourself when no one else does either? “Go ahead,” he thought, “toss my ass in jail. No one will miss me anyway.”

“Well, first off you will participate in a court approved alcohol treatment program. Out-patient.”

Nick finally looked up at the judge. Alcohol treatment. He just drank when he went out. What the hell? He was no alchy like AJ, dammit. He had it under control. Sorta. Maybe. Didn’t he?

Looking back at the table, wondering what exactly would make a stain of that color on wood, he held his breath wondering what else was going to come down.

“And we obviously need a little behavior modification here. So, I’ve worked it out with the Ruskin Community Center to have you begin working with one of their uh, more troublesome youths.”

Nick’s head slowly lifted to look at the judge. She had to be kidding. He got drunk and punched someone at the bar and now he had to baby sit some delinquent?

“This will work similar to the Big Brothers Big Sisters Program. Have you heard of that, Mr. Carter?”

“Yeah, but uh…Your Honor. My work. How am I gonna…”

“…that’s why we went with the smaller center. BBBS has strict guidelines before they’ll agree to have you mentor. This center is in need of some adults to help and they are willing to work with your schedule and the court for an agreeable resolution to your case. I think you’ll find it desirable.”

Desirable? Hardly. Nick looked over to his attorney who was suddenly silent and submissive. Obviously this had been worked out ahead of time and he no longer had a voice in the matter. He didn’t have a voice in anything in his life now, did he?

Despite the overwhelming urge to just buckle and sit down, Nick was able to continue standing as the judge finished her sentencing. No jail time. One night had been enough, thank you very much. From that point on he totally zoned out. He thought he heard some sum of money, the specifics of this stupid mentorship program and of course, out-patient rehab. All because he punched his friend and was a bit of a...well, of an ass.

How the hell was he supposed to be a positive influence in some kid’s life if he couldn’t even get his own shit together? This was insane. It was backwards. It was wrong. It was what he was going to have to do. Period.

“You ready for your new mentor, Solana?”

Tossing a stack of manila folders on her desk, the woman ran a hand through her long black hair and sighed. “Hardly. Some dumb-assed celebrity who had a drunken night. How in the hell is he supposed to help Ben!?” Plopping down in her seat, she buried her face in her hands. “I’m sick of this, Barry. Sick to death of it. We need trained mentors for these kids.”

“He’ll get some training today. He’s got you. You’re the best we have.”

“Oh yeah…I’m the ONLY we have. Why did you agree to this, Barry? Ben needs specialized care.”

“Yep, and I just…I dunno. I have a gut about this guy. He’s innately a very good person. He’s just lost. So’s Ben. Maybe they can find each other while they’re looking.”

“You’re a damned romantic. It’s nauseating.”

“Eh, it works with the wife.”

“Well, it doesn’t work on me. This kid’s reality is not romantic at all and you know it.”

“Yes, Lani, I do, but I also know Nick. At least a little. You should see him with his sibs.”

“Those are SIBS, Barry!” She slammed her hand on the desk and got up to pace…to make her fourth cup of coffee for the morning…to reshuffle the papers flying off of her desk. To do anything to control her bubbling temper. The angrier she got, the thicker her Spanish accent became…the more her hands flailed and her black eyes flared. “You can’t compare his relationship with his sibs with that of a kid on the verge of lifelong delinquency. You just can’t.”

“Well, you’re going to have to make it work. It’s court ordered for him and for Ben. They think it’ll work. I happen to agree.”

“You’re all a bunch of idiots. This is not going to work. Ben will not listen to some boy band drunk and he’s not going to have an ounce of patience for Ben’s shit.”

“We have to give it a chance, Lani. If it doesn’t work out, then we’ll contact the court and try something else. What other options do we have for Ben right now anyway, huh?”

Finally giving up, she sunk into her chair again, throwing her head back and spinning around. Maybe if she got dizzy this wouldn’t be so painful. “He’s worn all of his options out, hasn’t he?”

“Yes, he has. And he’s too young for us to give up on him. None of his crimes are severe enough for juvi, but he’s headed there. Let’s see if these two can help each other, huh?”

“What choice, do I have?”

“None.”

“Then bring it on, dammit.”

“Solana Romero?”

Wincing at the horrendous Americanization of her name, Solana plastered a phony smile on her face and turned to greet the owner of such an abusive tongue.

“So-lah-na…yes. Nice to meet you, Nick.” She offered her hand and a seat across from her desk.

“Oh, sorry. Did I get the last name right though?”

“Eh, close…but I’m picky.”

“Well, tell me what’s right.” No one had the audacity to warn him at the stunning beauty he’d have to be working with for this stupid community service mentorship. Maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad after all. A little Carter charm, a little disinterested flirtation and all would be perfect.

“We’ll save that lesson for next time; see if you remember what you learned today, huh?”

A smart ass. Nice. He leaned back in the chair, spreading his legs out and folding his arms on his stomach, narrowing his eyes to try to figure her out in but a few seconds. Thick accent, dark eyes, dark hair and from the looks of things, a spit fire personality. This could be fun. “Whatever. So what am I supposed to learn here today? Besides your name, of course.”

She tossed a paper stuffed manila folder across the desk and invited him to pick it up with her glance. “You’re to learn about Benjamin Casey. Seems you two have quite a bit in common.”

Picking up the stack, Nick tentatively opened the file almost feeling like he was invading someone’s privacy. “Oh yeah? How’s that?”

“A bit of trouble with the law, nothing life threatening, but both just aching to either get thrown in jail permanently or have someone rescue you. Whichever comes first.”

Nick’s eyes shot up to the Latino beauty, incensed at her dead on description of him. He couldn’t be that damned transparent…even to a stranger. Covering his shock with a glare and hard edged tone, “You don’t know me.”

“I can read, Mr. Carter. I don’t need to know your life story to see that you’re in a bit of a mess right now.”

“Then don’t try and compare me to this kid. You have no idea.”

“Mmm…we’ll see about that. Go to that second page there. Gives his family history a bit, just so you know what you’re dealing with.”

Nick decided to let her cocky attitude go and cooperate. This was a court ordered activity after all. No sense making it worse for himself. Looking back to the information before him, Nick sighed feeling like his every move was being studied by this woman. He didn’t like it.

Ben’s rap sheet wasn’t too horrible looking. Twelve years old, single parent home, 4 sibs, truancy, vandalism, petty theft. He could take it. Take the kid to a few ball games, help him with his homework and he’d be able to eke out of this without too much involvement. “Okay, doesn’t look too bad. When do I meet him?”

“Just hold on. There are some ground rules you need to know first.”

“Okay, hit me.”

“You’ve got money coming out of your ass. You can’t toss it to him. Don’t be buying him stuff just for the hell of it. In fact, don’t buy him anything for awhile.”

“Okay, but what about getting him into games and stuff? Fun things?”

“That’s okay, but I mean…Nick, do you know this part of Ruskin?”

“Yeah, I grew up here.”

Now she was the one with shock on her face. She just figured he was some rich kid whose Mommy paid his way onto the stage. “In Ruskin?”

“Yep. I don’t know this address though...I mean, we still had a nice house.”

“Ah, well, you’ll know it eventually. You’ll never forget it.”

Wonderful. “I’ve got to go to his house?”

“At some point, yes. Nick, this community service, this whole program they set up for you is so you’ll become an integral part of Benjamin’s life for at least a year. I’m not sure why the hell they think it’s gonna make any difference to you, or how it’s supposed to help Ben, but that’s what’s expected. It’s my job to hold up that end of the bargain.”

“No disrespect, but, I don’t have time to be an integral part of some deliquent’s life.”

“Well, you’d better make time, because Ben is my first concern. You shit on him, you shit on me.”

Nick’s eyebrows raised and he shifted in his seat. Okay, maybe beauty wasn’t a factor anymore. This woman was going to be a pain in his ass. His cockiness was subsiding and it was his planned card for this thing. He’d need a new plan. He just didn’t know what it was going to be.

“And if you shit on me, Nick…”

“Yes?” Neeck…he loved the way she said his name. Stop it, Neeck…she’s a vampire.

“I shit on you. You’ll be back in front of that judge before you can say ‘NSync sucks dick’.”

He had to laugh out loud at that one. Tension? Humor? Whatever, it struck him funny. But, coming down from the joke, he saw she hadn’t moved. Hadn’t blinked. Hadn’t even mildly snickered at her own comment. Damn, she wasn’t a vampire, she was a frickin’ cement wall. Mustering his decorum, he sat up and got serious.

“Okay, so I can’t buy him anything, what else?”

“For your own protection, I wouldn’t take him to your house. At least…well, get it approved through me first. Um, no overnights and no taking him out of the Tampa area for awhile. Eventually a trip to Orlando would be approved I’m sure.”

“What are my time requirements? I do have a job that takes me away for long periods of time.”

“While you’re in town, 3-5 hours every week. You can do it all at once or over two visits. You’ll need to get a schedule to me for when you travel and we’ll work around it. Basically if we see you’re trying to hold up your end of the bargain, we’ll work with you. You get inflexible and difficult, which I hear you’re really good at, then we run into a problem.”

She was too much. And he was losing his patience. “Since when are you a probationary officer?”

“You think I’m happy about this, Mr. Carter?”

“I have no idea how you feel Miss Romero.” Pronouncing her name properly suddenly wasn’t a concern...to either of them. He said it with such venom, it didn’t matter. “And at the moment, I don’t care. This is ridiculous.”

“I’ll agree with you there. But Ben can’t know how much you’re against this. He won’t get that from me and I’ll expect the same behavior from you. You want to do this as far as he’s concerned, you got it?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m great at dazzling people with bullshit.”

“Good. Then get your Backstreet ass back in here after you meet with him and go dazzle that boy. You sure as shit haven’t dazzled me at all.”

“Maybe that’s because I wasn’t trying.”

“Maybe that’s because you don’t have anything dazzling to show.”

“Can I help you?” The school secretary didn’t even lift her head from the scraped knee she was tending to, but knew someone had entered the room. They had to be psychic or something.

“Uh, yeah. I’m here for Benjamin Casey.”

The boy on the chair with the banged up knee let out a howl and a snort. “Benjamin!? Benjamin!? Oh God…he’ll love that.”

“Sorry.” Names were obviously not Nick’s forte at the moment. “Ben Casey. I haven’t met him yet.”

“Rod, you’re being rude. I take it you’re…” standing and wiping her hands on her skirt, the secretary finally made eye contact with the visitor. Eye contact made and ended. She knew him. Damn. Busying herself with the band-aid wrapper and lotion, she quickly went around to her desk to call Ben’s teacher. “Mrs. Burns? Send Ben down now, please.” Gathering up her last ounce of nerves at the presence of a celebrity, she plastered on a smile and turned back to him. “You’ll excuse Rod’s manners. Ben would have probably corrected you anyway...”

Turning to the boy, she scowled. “And you have wasted enough time in here now, Mr. Corbett. Back to class. Almost time for school to be out anyway.”

Hopping down from his chair, Rod looked the tall blonde over, giving a definite show of disapproval. Nick just stared back at him wondering what could be up this kid’s ass so early in life. Snorting before disappearing into the hall, he left Nick with one final comment. “Ben’s gonna eat you alive, pretty boy. Eat you completely alive.”

Nick looked to the secretary for some indication as to what he exactly meant and was only greeted with a shrug and hands lifted in submission. “You’re on your own, Nick.”

“Great. Thanks. Who is this kid anyway?”

“So, where’s my mentor?” Said with similar venom Nick had used in saying Solana’s name only the day before, the young boy strode into the office like he owned it. He’d been in it often enough, he probably should have a desk there in his honor or something.

Turning to the voice, Nick’s breath caught in his throat, as did the voice’s owner’s, as did the secretary’s. Standing in the doorway was a short, young, and very dirty duplicate of Nick. His hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks. Neither did his clothes, face or hands. His blue eyes were dull and his skin pallid. He was only twelve but looked like he’d had at least 50 years of life hardening the edges of his face.

Shaking out of the initial shock of their similarities and Ben’s uncleanliness, Nick finally stuck out his hand to the boy. “I guess that’s me. Nick. Nice to meet you, Ben.”

Looking at the older man’s hand as though it had a plague, he sneered, “Only my friends call me Ben. You ain’t my friend.”

Pulling back and looking to the secretary for some support he stammered, “Oh, okay. What do you want me to call you?”

“After today? Hopefully never again. Where we goin’ Mr. Mentor?”

Okay, so maybe this wasn’t going to be so easy. Making his way to the door and turning to make sure his charge was following, Nick took his first of many stands to the boy. “We’re goin’ wherever I take you. My truck’s out front.”

“McDonald’s is the best you can do?”

“Yep. Get out.” Nick found his baseball cap, slid it backwards on his head, and got out of the car. Seeing a look of complete disgust on Ben’s face he returned a mirroring glare. “What!?”

“You look like an ass like that.”

“That’s what I was goin’ for.”

Despite himself, Ben had to smile. Almost. He never really allowed himself to do that too much. Nothing was worth it. “So, why McDonald’s?”

“I dunno. Everyone likes their food, I’m craving it and I thought we could talk…get to know each other.”

“You gonna push me into the ball pit, too Daddy?”

“Go wash your face before we order. You’re a mess.”

Oh, this was going to be a fuckin’ riot. A year with this slimy smart ass? Dear God, maybe he would stop drinking altogether if this was going to be the result of a night of excess.

Ben finally came out of the bathroom, having taken way too long for a clean up and frankly not looking like he’d washed a damned thing. And he now smelled of smoke. Deciding to ignore it this time, Nick shook his head at the impudence on Ben’s face and got in line. “You’re not gonna make this easy on either of us, are you?”

“Who said this was supposed to be easy? You’re the one who volunteered to be here, not me.”

“You have no idea…what do you want?”

“Two Big Macs, three fries, two chocolate shakes and uh…coupla boxes of cookies. I’ll get us a table.”

“Wha-!?” He was gone before Nick could breathe to make sure he wasn’t kidding. How could a kid that little eat that much? “Dammit.” Making sure he was within eye-shot, Nick placed their order and met Ben at the table.

“Wow, I’m impressed. You got it right.”

“You’re gonna eat all of this?”

“Yep. You’re a big boy…you must eat a lot.”

“Not that much. Damn.” Looking up and remembering he was supposed to be a positive role model for this urchin, he grimaced. “Sorry.”

Stuffing half of the first sandwich into his mouth, Ben mumbled around it. “For what?”

“Language…no biggie.”

“Oh please. Fuck it.”

Nick had nothing else. He wanted to ask this kid all sorts of questions, but suddenly he was rendered speechless. He knew he was going to be outsmarted at every turn. He already had his phone call to Solana planned out in his head. This was not going to work.

“So, pretty boy…you look familiar to me.” He was already done with one sandwich and one box of fries. Had this kid eaten in the last week?

“Oh yeah? I get that a lot.”

“I mean, you look like me, which is just damned scary. Mom’s such a whore you’re probably some long lost brother or something.”

“Jesus! That’s your mom, man! And no, I know my parents. We’re not related. Believe me.”

“Wouldn’t that just be the shit? Me and pretty boy are actually brothers.”

“Mmm…a riot.” Never had a Big Mac left such a foul taste in his mouth.

Tossing his second sandwich down on the table, Ben leaned in, finally remembering where he’d seen this man before. “Holy shit…”

“What? And could you tone down YOUR language? God, you’re only twelve!”

“So what!? And I know who you are now.”

Shit. “You think, huh?”

“You’re that loud mouth drunk they drug into the police station last month. ‘Do you know who I AM!?’ You were very entertaining.”

“What!? No, that…wouldn’t…you were…” He wasn’t covering well at all.

“Yeah, they just brought me and my buddies in for breakin’ into the school. Maybe you’re not so bad after all. You’re a shit just like me.”

“Nice. I feel redeemed.”

“Wait…is this why you’re doin’ this? Am I some kind of community service to buy off your damned jail time?”

Nick shoved a handful of fries into his mouth and never looked up. He wasn’t supposed to tell him. Now what was he going to do?

“Of course you are. Why am I not surprised?”

Still unable to look up or speak, Nick grabbed his pop and took a long slurp. Now that his intentions were clear, he felt a need to give this kid a chance. Didn’t seem like anyone else had.

Sitting back and finishing off his second sandwich, Ben let out a loud belch. “Take me home. This is stupid.”

“Why? Just because I’m here on court order doesn’t mean we can’t give this a try.”

Now that was new. Why did this guy even want to try? No one did. Not for him. Especially not after they’d spent more than 5 minutes in his presence. He made sure of it. Why wasn’t this rich kid running?

“Why do you want to bother? You can get someone else at the center.”

“Because they assigned me to you. Someone thinks we might learn something from each other. Maybe we oughta give it a chance and figure out what that is.”

“You can’t teach me anything.”

“Well, lookin’ at you, I could say the same thing.”

Ben’s tough exterior finally cracked. He looked down, and grabbed his pop off the table, taking a long swallow. “Look, I don’t know who the hell you are. I don’t really care. All I know is it seems no one wants to have anything to do with me unless they can get something from me. And I’m tired of it.”

Feeling used? Oh yeah, Nick knew that feeling all too well. They’d found their common ground. Ben just didn’t know it yet.

Gently sliding his foot under the table and knocking it into the young boy’s, the two sets of blue eyes finally met. Really met. “Then I think,” Nick took a deep breath hoping this would emphasize his point, “Ben…” Smiling when the boy didn’t correct him, “that we just found a good place to start.”

“So, Nick, how’d it go?” Solana took a sip of her coffee and sat down, never once looking up at her visitor.

“We didn’t kill each other and we weren’t thrown in jail again. I’d say it was a success.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. You have no idea what you’re getting into with Ben.” Still no eye contact. She didn’t dare. He was a prick. A gorgeous prick.

“Then why don’t you tell me, Miss Romero?”

He said her name right. Perfectly as a matter of fact. Flipped r’s, accent on the right syllable and vowels pronounced as though Spanish were his native tongue. Raising an eyebrow to assure he wouldn’t see the crack in her tough skin, she finally looked up. “You’ve been practicing.”

Sitting back with cocky self-assurance, he smirked. “Ben taught me. Said you get your panties in a knot if people say your name wrong.” Her eyes had to be the darkest he’d ever seen. And full of anger and hostility. And so damned enticing.

“Ben’s words?”

“Ben’s words. He’s a real charmer.”

“Hmmm…that he is. Okay, Nick. I think you need to meet with him again this week; pick him up from his home; see what his life is like a bit.”

“Fine. Oh and, while we’re bein’ picky, it’s Nick, not Neeck.”

Oh he was a smart ass, wasn’t he? “Fair enough, Nick…do you need a map to find his house?”

“Nah, I took him home the other day.”

“Did you go inside?”

“Nope. He wasn’t happy I drove him all the way home as it was.”

“Good move. He probably had no intention of heading home. You thwarted him.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured. He got antsy by the end of the visit.” Leaning back in his chair, he finally felt a little more comfortable around this woman, and with the prospect of spending some time with this kid. “So, what’s the big deal with seein’ his house?”

“It’s a light into his world. I think you need to understand it if you’re going to reach him. Might bring your little cocky attitude down a notch or two, which can’t hurt.”

Okay, now she was just playin’ nasty. “You know, I’ve seen poverty, Solana. Hell, I grew up in it some.”

“Not like this you didn’t. You wouldn’t be where you are if you did, not with your attitude.”

“You sure seem to know all about me.”

“All I’m sayin’ is, you can’t react. He can’t feel any judgment from you on this.”

“Like you’re givin’ me?”

Their eyes were immovable from one another now, both angry. Both incensed at the other’s attitude. Both wanting this conversation to end, but knowing they were trapped here. Realizing she had to work it out with him, she softened her gaze and tried her last ounce of patience.

“I apologize. You’re right, I don’t know you. But, he knows there’s something better out there; he doesn’t see a way to get to it. Any judgment from you will only shut him off.”

“Maybe he needs to learn that better isn’t always…better.” Now having his tough stance battered a bit, he looked down and started biting his nails. Truth was, better sometimes totally sucked.

Narrowing her eyes at the man, she had to stop and reconsider her words. There truly was something troubling him. Maybe he had some reasons for his outlandish behavior as well. But, he wasn’t her concern. Ben was.

Standing to pace and hopefully erase any invading thoughts about Nick’s well-being, she finally stopped in front of the picture window, wishing the view was more, well…picturesque. “Does he know who you are, yet?”

“No, but he knows why I’m doing this.”

Whipping around, almost tossing her coffee out of its mug, her dark eyes flared, her accent thickened with every word. “I specifically told you not to tell him! You couldn’t honor that one request!?”

“I didn’t tell him a damned thing, Solana! We were taken to the police station the same night and he recognized me! I wasn’t going to lie to him!”

“There are hundreds of people at that station every night. I can’t believe he would have known you from that alone.”

“Well, he did, okay? I was drunk. And loud.” His voice softening again, embarrassment taking over, he lowered his gaze to his freshly bit fingernails. “And, uh…I guess I made an impression.”

“Perfect. Now he’ll have no respect for you. You’re just a fellow criminal to him.”

She was a piece of work. He wasn’t allowed to judge Ben, which made sense, but here she was, all over his business. This was nuts. “Were you with us the other day?”

“Obviously not.”

“Then you don’t know how it went and how he sees me. Maybe we found some common ground in that, huh?”

“What? That neither of you have an ounce of common sense or maturity? This is just,” Slamming her mug on her desk, she started pacing, hands still doing half of her talking. “…I’m going to get this rearranged. You can work with someone else.”

“No! No!” Wondering why he was suddenly so passionate about Ben…about any of this, he took a deep breath to calm down, lower his voice, take his time. “Solana, please. Give me a chance with him. Just like I told him, someone thought we were a match. Might as well see if they’re right.”

“What if they weren’t? What’s that going to cost Ben?”

“You really think I’m that damned bad of an influence? I got drunk and was an idiot one fuckin’ night.”

Raising an eyebrow, hoping it’d elicit the truth, she waited for him to go on.

With a slight glare, he got it. Cute. “Okay, so I do that a lot lately. I got caught one night. But, I’m not…he’s not going to be an axe murderer because of me, for God’s sake.”

“But maybe because of your influence he won’t be one, Nick. If he doesn’t see you as anymore than a troublemaker like him, you might as well be buying him his spray paint for his next vandalism outing.”

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to buy him anything.”

“What!?” She finally met his eyes and dammit, she had to smile. For the first time, she saw what made the girls swoon. A smirk and a twinkle in his eye that could probably sweet talk the most uncompromising of judges into a lighter sentence after he’d shot his whole family, no less got a little drunk and rowdy one night. “You’re a smart ass, you know.”

“So I’ve been told. So, do we have your go ahead on this? Can Ben and I give it a try?”

“I’m not sure I have much of a choice about it anyway. I’m just scared for Ben. He’s…he’s not on a good path right now. I don’t want anything or anyone, especially some pop star screwing it up.”

“You know, that’s my job. It doesn’t define me.” Maybe it did, but he wasn’t about to continue to let it define him. There had to be more to him than love songs, pelvic thrusts and tour busses. There just had to be.

“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m just not interested in wasting Ben’s life while you try to figure out your own.”

“I won’t waste his damned time or yours, Miss Romero.” Nick stood and offered his hand, pulling back when she refused to shake it. Sick of this whole conversation, he made his way to the door wondering what the hell he’d done to deserve such a shitty attitude. He was going to make this work with Ben. Failure wasn’t something he handled well. Getting along with her was going to have to be secondary. “Tell Ben I’ll pick him up tomorrow at 2.”

Letting her eyes land in his, she sighed and sat back down feeling a bit humbled at his apparent desire to make this work. He was pissed and she’d caused it. That truly wasn’t her plan. She just knew that Ben needed a positive force in his life, especially from a man. She wasn’t completely convinced this one was the right one.

Pulling up to the front of the dilapidated house, Nick looked around to see how well it fit in with the neighborhood. The whole area was rundown and trashed. Honestly, he never really looked at Ben’s house when he’d dropped him off a few days before. He was more concerned that he watch him go inside and not take off somewhere else. It was obvious the kid had other plans in mind.

But now, now that he could see how this kid lived, he got a bit of Solana’s message. She was right, he had never lived like this. Even when he was a toddler and they were constantly traveling, he didn’t think he’d ever had it this bad.

There was no grass in the yard, just mottled brown blades and lots and lots of sand. The bottom step to the porch was about to completely separate from the other three. Strips of aluminum siding were falling off in random places all over the face of the building and it was a good five, hell probably ten years past the need for a new paint job. The railing around the porch was connected only on one side and yet, somehow it was littered with old, beat-up bikes and toys. How it actually held all of it was nothing short of a miracle. Nick wasn’t sure it’d even hold his weight.

Smacking his ball cap on his head, Nick got out of his truck, making sure the kids playing in neighboring yards looked occupied. Last thing he needed now was a hoard of pre-pube fans. He maneuvered himself up the steps, skipping the first and balancing himself at the top, still convinced it’d cave under his feet and finally approached the door.

“Heya! Who are you!?”

The door had swung open so quickly, Nick didn’t even really see it happen. Neither did he see the body that housed the squeaky little voice that greeted him. Looking down, he had to smile. A scrawny little girl gazed up at him with life in her eyes that could only been seen in a child this young in a place so depressed. Her straw colored hair was like Ben’s in that it hadn’t been combed or washed for days, her face patched with an interesting array of colors of food, markers and god knew what else. Clothes were stained and she had a pocket hanging by a thread on her shorts. She was a mess. A beautiful mess.

“I’m Nick. Who are you?”

“I’m Liz. You wanna come in?”

Nothing like inviting in strangers…dear god. “Yeah, this where Ben lives?”

“Yep. Want me to go get him?”

“Sure. Is your mom home?”

“Yeah, she’s…”

“I’m right here. Who are you?”

Nick looked up to the soft voice and prayed his eyes betrayed his thoughts. It was obviously mom, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. She had to be at least 300 pounds and not an inch over 5 and a half feet tall. Her hair was in the same mussed, dirty condition as that of her kids and her clothes looked like she’d had them since the 70’s. Huge, huge breasts squirt out of a much too small bra causing ungodly lumps and bumps in odd places. Her eyes were dark and sullen, skin pallid and demeanor one of total submission to her visitor. And Ben had the audacity to call this woman a whore?

“Uh, hi. I’m Nick…Ruskin Community Center paired me up to uh…spend some time with Ben.”

“Oh, yeah. Okay. Can I get you something to drink? Cold water?”

“No, no, thanks…I’m fine.”

In trying to not stare at the woman, Nick finally looked around at the small home. They had a couch and a TV, but he probably wouldn’t even let his dog sit on the couch. The dirt and grime almost floated around it, and the upholstery was ripped and torn at every corner, on every cushion. The television was small, and it looked like…dear god, there was a bullet hole in the side.

Outside of the couch and TV, nothing was traditional. In what looked like it should be a dining room were 2 twin-sized beds, unmade, of course. He could only see into the kitchen a little bit, but could see the counter tops were littered with bags of chips, cookies and just…junk. The whole house was littered with junk. Junky furniture, junky beds, junky carpeting, junky curtains…if there were any at all. The walls needed painting or re-wallpapering. And the smell? Nick thought his skin was going to crawl right off of his body.

Just about the time the silence in the room became unbearable, the screen door slammed open followed by two screaming children. A running boy, a few years younger than Ben and an older girl. “Jack, give me back my book, dammit!”

“Finders keepers…you lost it now!”

“Kitty! Jack! Take it back outside!”

The older girl stopped on a dime when she caught glimpse of a stranger in her home. “Oh!” Seeing who it was, she sucked in her breath and immediately flushed 15 shades of red, fussing with her hair and straightening her shirt. Without a word, she looked down and disappeared down the hall, tripping over a stuffed animal on the floor.

Twirling around when he realized he was no longer being chased, the young boy’s eyes landed in the visitors with little approval. “Who are you?”

“I’m Nick…waiting for Ben.” Who’d better show up real soon or Nick was out.

“Oh, you wanna shoot some hoops while you wait?”

Where in the hell would they shoot hoops around here? “Uh, yeah…sure, okay.”

“It’s out back.”

Nick offered a slight smile to Ben’s mom and stopped. “Wait, Jack…uh, I guess it’d be good if I knew your name since I’m takin’ Ben with me.”

“Oh, yeah sorry. I’m Patty. Patty Casey.”

“Nick Carter. When do you want him home?”

“Whenever. He comes and goes as he pleases anyway. I have no control over him.”

The woman couldn’t have been more than 30 years old and Kitty had to have been at least a teenager. The years had not been kind, it was obvious. How could people live like this day in and day out? “Well, I’ll get him home before dark so you’ll know where he is tonight anyway.”

She let a semi-toothless smile spread across her face and smiled even more deeply as the familiar warmth of such an expression filled her whole body. How long had it been since she’d allowed herself to relax enough to smile? “That’d be nice. Go on now, Jack’s waitin’.”

Nick followed the young boy out back trying to look at everything and see nothing. The kitchen only got worse looking from the inside. Dirty, cluttered, beat-up table with only 3 chairs that were bent out of shape. His tennis shoes stuck to the floor as he walked across it. He couldn’t get out back fast enough.

And as the door closed behind him he was shocked out of his…shock with a basketball to his gut.

“Ooof! Dang…you’ve got an arm there.”

“Yep, only thing I can do here is play basketball. You ready?”

“Yeah…half court rules or what?”

“Horse.”

“Alright…you go first.” Nick shot the ball over to the boy with the same force he’d received it, but Jack was quick and caught it before it nailed him. Just as he looked up, took aim and lifted his hands up to take his first shot, the slamming screen door interrupted yet again.

“I thought you were here for me, not him.”

Nick turned to the accusing voice and again prayed for deceptive eyes. Standing in still dirty clothes and torn shorts was Ben, holding a baby. Nick guessed her to about a year in age and of course, she too was a dirty mess.

“I’m here for you, Ben…we were just killin’ time ‘til you were ready.”

“Yeah, whatever. Jack’s probably more fun anyway.”

“Ben, shut up…why don’t you play too so I can whoop both of your butts?” Little brother didn’t seem to have a confidence problem.

“I gotta change Amy. I’ll be back…unless you’d rather stay here…”

“Nope. We’re goin’. Whenever you’re ready.”

With a glare and a flipped bird to his little brother, Ben turned and went back inside. All Nick could do was stand and stare. Solana was right. There was no way he could comprehend this unless he’d seen it with his own eyes. Jolting him out of his thoughts, the basketball landed square in his gut yet again.

“Let’s go, pop god. See if you can spell ‘horse’.”

“So where ya’ takin’ me, Backdoor Boy?”

Nick glared over his truck to Ben wondering if every time they’d meet he’d have to start at square one. This was going to be a long year. “Backdoor Boy, huh? I see you’ve been studying me.”

“My sister left one of her teeny rags on the table. Your ugly mug was on the front.”

“Ah, of course. She a fan?”

“Why do you care?”

“Just making conversation…jeez. Get in.”

Nick finally ducked into the truck and met Ben’s eyes, both sets glaring as forcefully as the other. “So, is it true?”

Starting the car, he could hardly wait to hear what this question would be. “Is what true?”

“Are you all gay?”

“Yeah, we are.” He could enjoy this little game.

“You are not.”

“Well, if you knew the answer then why’d you ask?”

Ben opened his mouth for a smart remark and immediately closed it. He amazingly didn’t have one. After a few moments of silence, Ben had to ask for the more specific answer he’d been seeking…if he could just eke it out. “Are you?”

Nick pulled up to the traffic light, glad to be out of Ben’s neighborhood. This was not a fun place to be. Looking over to the ragamuffin, he wondered if he should continue teasing or see what was really up. Ben looked downright scared now.

“What would you think if I was?”

Ben shrugged and started picking at a loose thread in his shorts. “I’d wonder if you were going to…uh…yanno…”

“Come after you?”

The boy silently nodded and directed his attention out his window, biting his nails. Nick respected the silence wondering what might be haunting him so. He hoped his worst thoughts were just a sign of paranoia.

After traveling a few miles and realizing Ben had finally looked back to the front, showing some comfort again, Nick decided to pry a little. See what might be making this kid tick. “Has something like that happened to you before?”

Nothing. No response. Silence. Unmoving body. Unchanging face. It said a thousand words. Nick felt nauseous. Taking a deep breath, he saw that being a mentor was not just about baseball games, ice cream and fishing trips. Did he have it in him to do this? He guessed it was time to find out.

“Well, first…gay men don’t go after young boys.”

“I’m not a boy.”

“Okay, minors. You’re a minor and that’s just…it’s illegal and wrong.”

“Doesn’t stop everyone.”

“It would me.”

“So are you saying…” Now his eyes were full of fear. Time to meet with Solana again. How was he supposed to deal with this?

“No, I’m not. I’m just saying that…if someone did something like that to you it wasn’t because they were gay. It’s because they were sick…violent…fucked up.” Grimacing at his foul language, he quickly corrected himself. “Screwed up…sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Fucked up is right.”

“Yeah…I guess it is. But, if it makes you feel any better…I’m not gay.”

Ben tried not to react, he really did. He failed miserably. The sigh that escaped him and the change in demeanor were melodramatic at best. The poor kid had been scared to death. Trying to pull up his cocky mode once again, he sat up straight and punched on the CD player. “Good to know…good to know. Oh JESUS! You like Linkin Park!?”

“Hell yeah, man…crank it up there.”

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself (Myself)**

“Hey, Barry…nice to see you, man.”

“Nick! Hi! Can’t believe we’ve missed each other so far. How’s it goin’ with Ben?”

The older man offered a chair to the younger, taking a seat next to him in the small lounge area of the community center. It was as rundown and beat-up as the rest of the town. Nick wondered how they even managed to pay their staff.

“That’s why I’m here…”

“Oh…not well?”

“Well, not bad, but…” Nick ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward, thankful to be able to spring this on Barry first. They knew each other from some previous charity events Nick had participated in and he knew he’d not get judgment from him…or as quick of judgment as he’d get from Solana anyway. She’d already decided he was a loser. “…he’s already fessed something to me that I’m not sure what to do with.”

“Like?”

“He’s been molested, Barry…by some dude.”

“Oh shit…did he say when it happened?”

“No. I didn’t ask a thing. He found out I’m in Backstreet and was askin’ if we were all gay…kinda being a jerk about it…like most guys his age are.”

“Not popular with the pre-pube male crowd, huh?”

“Eh, some, but not the ‘tough guys’. Hell, most of our guy fans are gay anyway, so…”

“Poor thing.”

Nick shrugged it off and sat back, sliding his ball cap on his head, almost as a shield. “They’re fans…they buy our stuff…I don’t care.” Much. Truth was, it did make him uncomfortable.

“Okay, so he asked if you were gay.”

“Right. And he got real nervous and quiet…anyway, it finally came out that some dude messed with him. I really don’t know any more than that, but I thought it was something you guys should know.”

“Yep. We need that info. You were smart not to pry with him though. You have no idea what ground you covered just in him telling you…this is gonna work out great.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m failing so bad at it?”

“I dunno…what makes you think you’re failing?”

“He’s just so…so…”

“Distant?”

“Yeah, and he won’t crack a smile unless I really catch him off guard. He eats like…my god, the kid eats so much. Doesn’t he eat at home?”

“Probably not, no. You very well could be providing his only meal for the week.”

“I guess 15 million hotdogs at a Devil Rays game isn’t the best idea then, huh?”

“Better than nothing…”

“True. We’ll hit a nicer restaurant next time though. If I cook, he’ll never eat again. He’ll be dead.”

“Not good…don’t kill our kids, Nick. The judge won’t look favorably on that.”

“I think I’d be more afraid of Solana than a judge…she’s vicious!”

“Solana? You can’t let her intimidate you, man…she’s a pussy cat.”

“Solana? A pussy cat? I don’t think we’re talkin’ about the same woman. She hates me!”

“You pullin’ cocky celebrity shit on her?”

“No. Yes. Hell, probably…I was pretty cocky the first time I was here…I was pissed.”

“It’ll take awhile for her to forget it. She’s very protective of these kids. No one else cares about them, so she takes it all to heart.”

“I hadn’t done anything to threaten him though!”

“Yeah, you did. You had an attitude…you can’t have that with these kids. They’ll eat you alive.”

“Funny, you’re the second person to say that to me.”

“Maybe you look too edible. Gotta toughen up a bit, Nick. Don’t get cocky…just get confident.”

“Ha. Right. Confident in what? That I can sing? That means shit to Ben.”

“In who you are, Nick. Otherwise, you’re dead meat.”

“Great…start the grill. I feel a barbeque comin’.”

Nick bent over and picked up the red kick ball that had rolled to his feet. Looking around to find the owner, he smiled, seeing Ben’s little sister waiting for it to be tossed back to her.

“Hey! Aren’t you Ben’s new friend?”

“Yep…and you’re…” He tucked the ball under his arm, trying to come up with her name. He sucked at that sometimes, but this time, he really wanted to remember.

“I’m waiting for my ball.”

“Oh yeah…sorry.” He bounced it over to her, still frustrated he couldn’t come up with her…. “Liz! You’re Liz!”

She stopped mid run back to her playmates and turned back to Nick. “You remembered my name?”

“Took me a minute…sorry. Whatcha playin’?”

Her blue eyes shone in the sun, amazed anyone would remember her name that wasn’t a teacher or a social worker. “Four square. Wanna come?”

“I’ll come watch anyway.”

She ran back to him, taking hold of his hand and pulling him around a corner to a make shift four square design on the beat-up black pavement. “Nick, this is Kellie and Jill…and you know my stupid brother, Jack.”

Damn, she was polite for such a little thing. Waving shyly at the kids, he had to smirk. Obviously Jill knew who he was. But she was calm, just a bit…jittery all of a sudden. “So what are you and Jack doing here today? Don’t you normally head home after school?”

“Yeah but uh…Mom’s not home so they sent us here.” Liz bounced the ball across the square to her friend and their game began.

“She take the baby somewhere?” For some reason Nick had a bad feeling about this. He didn’t know why…”stay-at-home mom” just meant they didn’t work…not that they stayed at home all day, but for some reason there was an ominous tension around the situation.

“Nope. Ben’s got Amy at home. Kitty’s missing too.”

“Missing?”

Jack stopped the ball and glared at Nick. “You know, for someone who only shows up to take Ben to ball games so he can avoid jail, you sure have a lot of questions.”

Ouch. Step back, Nick. This kid looks sweet, but bites hard. Getting eaten alive was beginning to make sense. “I’m sorry you see it that way, Jack…I’m just concerned is all.”

“I doubt it.” Serving the ball up again, their game continued, until Jill missed, too busy staring at Nick to see it coming her way.

Nick retrieved it and gently bopped Jill on the head before returning it to her. “Gotta keep your eye on the ball…” With a wink, he took his place back on the sidelines of the square wondering if he should just ignore the stirring in his gut or continue to pry. Prying sounded good. “How long will you guys be here?”

“’Til they find Mom or Kitty, probably. I dunno.” Grabbing the ball from play again, much to the noisy chagrin of the girls, Jack stuffed it under his arm and glared at Nick. “Why do you care so damned much, huh?”

“I have no idea, Jack…just seems a bit odd that a twelve year old is in charge of a baby…I’m just trying to help.”

“Well, don’t okay? We managed fine before you showed up. We’re doing fine now.”

“Jack…leave him alone and serve the stupid ball! God, you can be so mean.”

Waving ‘goodbye’ to the girls, Nick decided a little more investigation was in order. Why Barry hadn’t mentioned this while they were talking, he didn’t know. It very well could be because Nick’s mind was taking this simple situation to a place it didn’t need to be. But yet, he felt so uneasy about it. He had no plans for the rest of the day. Might as well fill it with the Casey family drama.

Not finding Barry in his office, he took the plunge and knocked on Solana’s door.

“Who is it?”

“Nick…I’ve got a question.”

“Come on in.”

Wonderful. She sounded irritated. Or was that how she always sounded? He hadn’t decided yet. Opening the door and just peeking in, he was surprised to see her with a small child on her lap, reading a story.

“Oh, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Go on outside now, Rosalie…I need to talk to Mr. Carter.” With a quick kiss on the head from Solana, the small child smiled up to Nick and ran past, making her way outside with the other children. “What can I do for you, Nick? I didn’t forget an appointment did I?”

“Nope…I’m really sorry…I could have found Barry.”

“He’s gone for the day. And come on in…take a seat. She should be outside…just afraid of the bigger kids.”

Closing the door behind him, he sat in the chair across from her desk, surprised at how comfortable he felt there all of a sudden. Was it Solana, or him, or just that he didn’t feel like such an outcast after his talk with Barry? Whatever it was, he was grateful, but still cautious. “Ah…well, this is probably none of my business, but um…is everything okay at the Casey’s today?”

“No. Not at all…why do you ask?”

“Well, I saw the two middle kids out there playing. Said Mom and Kitty are missing?”

“Yep. Mom does this all the time. Kitty does too, but never at the same time. Ben came home to an empty house and was smart enough to call so we could get Jack and Liz from school.”

“He’s okay with the baby?”

Running a hand through her hair and leaning back, exasperated at the lack of help she could offer a family, she sighed. “No, probably not. We really didn’t have any alternative though. We don’t have the facilities for a baby and he’s done it enough…we just have to hope…”

“Do you want me to take the other two home and give him a hand ‘til Mom shows up?”

“You can take care of a baby?”

“Um…probably not, but I can be an adult and play with the others…be around if Ben needs something…I dunno.” Looking down, Nick suddenly felt silly for stepping in. This twelve year old could probably chase circles around him in child care abilities. But…Ben was just a kid himself. He shouldn’t be there alone, should he? Not and being responsible for a baby too.

“You can’t be their savior, Nick…major rule to mentoring.”

“I’m not trying to be their savior, Solana…I just wanna help.”

“Why?”

“Why!? Why the hell not!? If I’m gonna earn his trust, I guess I just…”

“You want to save the day. It’s not a good idea, Nick. Although I appreciate your concern.”

“I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.”

“Ben won’t trust it as a simple desire to help for one. He’ll think you have ulterior motives.”

“But I don’t.”

“No? In his mind, you’ll be trying to be the hero…it’ll come off that you think your presence will make his life better.”

“This is a bad thing?”

“Yes, Nick, it is. He wants to feel sufficient on his own. He doesn’t want some rich rock star coming in and making things smoother with the flick of a wand.”

“He’s obviously not seen me change diapers.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that. The image of this guy knuckle deep in poop and flailing baby legs was comical to say the least. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“So, instead of having an adult around, making sure the family is safe, you’d rather keep me away and possibly have something happen that Ben can’t handle?”

“We have no idea how long his mom will be gone. She sometimes disappears for more than a day.”

“Where the hell does she go?”

“A boyfriend’s house. Parties. Gets stoned. Gets clean and comes home to start the cycle all over again.”

“And Kitty?”

“Running like mad. Usually safe and sound at a friend’s house…or a boys house.”

“Damn.”

“Yep. Nick, this is very sweet…I’ll even admit it, but I don’t think you’re going to do much good here. It’s just the way it is. Our hands are tied.”

“Bullshit. No one’s hands are tied if there’s someone wanting to help. How ‘bout if I take Jack and Liz to the house, pick up Ben and Amy and just take them somewhere for dinner? Maybe by then Kitty will show up and they’ll all have a good meal and will have been safe for the evening anyway.”

“You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”

“Uh…no…I don’t think I am. In fact…why don’t you come along with us?”

“I can’t, but thank you.”

“No?”

“No. I have my own daughter to take care of.”

Nick did the natural thing and glanced down at her left hand. He honestly hadn’t even considered looking before.

“No ring…don’t bother looking. He left when he found out I was pregnant. Rosalie and I have been on our own from the beginning.”

“Rosalie? Oh…that was your daughter!?”

“Yep…and we have a muppet dinner engagement tonight. Sorry.”

“Oh, okay…maybe next time then. I really wanna do this, unless you flat out tell me not to.”

She looked up at him, sighing at his innocent desire to help. How could she squelch this? He had come in just over a week ago harder than a convict and now he was willing to give up his whole afternoon and evening for this family he barely knew. Maybe it was a bit of the savior complex, but for the life of her, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him, ‘no.’

“Okay, Nick. Go ahead. But, please. Be prepared for rejection. If not tonight, later. This really could backfire.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Thanks.” Nick rose to leave and turned back to the dark beauty watching his every move. “Oh, and tell Kermit I said ‘hello’.

“Ben! Look what the cat dragged in!” Jack had not been the least bit interested in Nick’s intervention to the evening. He was embarrassed at his family and irritated that now Mr. Pop Star knew how bad things could be. He almost seemed more paternal to this family than Ben did…the kid was only eight. No one that young should be worried about such things.

Ben peeked around the hallway wall and groaned. “Oh great. How’d you get here?”

“I drove. Find some clean clothes for everyone. We’re goin’ out to dinner.”

“Nice. We haven’t had clean clothes in weeks. Why don’t you go play with your rich friends and get drunk or something?”

“Because I’m here and want to take you all out.” Looking down to Liz, who up to this point had been his only supporter, he asked, “So you have nothing clean at all?”

“Doubt it. Come on, let’s see.” She took Nick by the hand down the hall to the girl’s room. One room for all three girls. He tried to hide his reaction to the mess before him, but was probably failing miserably. Clothes were everywhere, both beds were unmade, beyond the standard state of unmade one is typically in. Looked like they didn’t have clean sheets either. Toys, magazine, baby items and cloth diapers were strewn everywhere. The crib was loaded down with stuffed animals and a comforter. A dirty comforter. Big surprise.

Liz opened a drawer and started digging through clothes, tossing them out as she sifted. “Too big, too ugly, too small, Amy’s…I don’t have anything, Nick.”

Running a hand through his hair, Nick looked around, trying to figure out what to do. He wasn’t going to do McDonald’s tonight and refused to take these kids out in such a mess. Deciding that his refusal to be seen with such slimy kids overrode his hatred for anything domestic, he set forth a plan. Hopefully, they at least had a functional washing machine. “Okay, find your favorite shirt and pants, get something for Amy and help me find some clothes for your brothers. We’re gonna do some laundry.”

“You can do laundry?”

A little disgusted with the attitude that he was an idiot, he sighed. “Yes, I can do laundry, Liz. Just a little load. It should be done drying in time for dinner.” He held his arms out as Liz immediately went to work on finding an outfit she kind of liked and some clothes for the baby. “Socks? Underwear?”

“Everything?”

“Might as well…come on…”

Liz finished up in her room and made her way to the dining room…or whatever it was, with Nick following behind.

“Okay, their stuff is everywhere…probably under the beds. And it stinks. I’m not doin’ this.”

Raising his eyebrows at her impudence, he had to smile. Typical little sister behavior; he was quite used to it. “Fair enough, go get Jack or Ben.”

Ben finally came trudging in carting a none too happy baby sister on his hip. “Why are you here?”

“Because your mother’s not.”

“You’re my mentor, not my babysitter.”

“Quit arguing with me and find something to wash. Now.”

“Oh God, I’ve seen it all now. Backdoor Boy does Ben’s Bloomers. The Enquirer will love it.”

“Just find a damned shirt for you and your brother.” Walking over to him, he stuck Amy and Liz’s clothes under one arm, offering his biggest smile to the sniffling baby. “Here, I’ll take Amy while you look.”

With one last attempt at an explanation, Ben practically yelled, “Why are you doing this!?”

“Because I want to, okay? But I am not taking you out looking like you haven’t bathed in weeks. It’s a free dinner, Ben. Take it.”

“Fine.” Ben shoved his sister into Nick’s free arm, angrily digging clothes out from under his bed, mumbling about interference in his life, obnoxious pop stars and drug addicted mothers. If it wasn’t so sad, it’d have almost been humorous.

Stuffing a shirt and pair of jeans into Nick’s arms, he continued on his journey to find clothes for his brother, still mumbling, still grumbling, still complaining. “Your brother’s a grouch, you know that?”

Amy looked up to the funny blonde man and smiled, laying her head on his chest.

Emerging from under the bed with a few articles of clothes, Ben was trying to maintain his tough guy image, but the truth was, Nick was breaking him down. “Okay, Nick. One, I’m not a grouch. I just don’t like you. Pure and simple. Two, don’t talk down to me or my family to another of us. We may be a mess, but we’re loyal. And three…” Ben sighed, seeing the contented look on his sister’s face as she snuggled into Nick’s chest.

“Three?”

“Three…come downstairs, dammit. I know the machine works. Mom’s just too lazy to bother.”

“Alright, Liz you’re first. Get in here!” Nick stood in their bathroom, wet, soapy washcloth draped over his hand waiting for his first victim.

“You gonna make me take off my shirt?”

“Nope…face, arms, hands…” he looked down at her bare legs peeking out of her shorts. “You wearin’ shorts or pants tonight?”

“Pants.”

“Okay, no legs. Sit on the toilet there…let’s wash up.” Nick had been everywhere in his life. Traveled all over the country and seen all kinds of things, experienced all kinds of things. But never, in his wildest imagination would he have planted himself in this situation. It was a battle just finding a washcloth in the disaster of a hallway closet. Once found, he pushed aside all feelings of the uncleanliness of the bathroom and just made due. It still confounded him how not having a lot of money validated not being generally clean. He was no neat-nick himself, but this was ridiculous.

“Mmm…that washcloth feels good.”

“It does, huh? Maybe you need to use one more often.” Nick ran the warm cloth over her face, amazed at how bright her eyes were in this dark, sad life.

“I don’t like to wash.”

“You like being dirty?”

“Well, no…”

“Then you have to wash. See…look. All done. Take a bath everyday and it’ll only take 10 minutes out of your play time.”

“Our tub’s a mess.” Liz looked down, now totally embarrassed at the truth in that. She couldn’t even take a bath because the tub was in worse shape than she was. She got teased at school all the time. Pig Pen and his sister…Liz and Jack.

Why was he not surprised? What had he gotten himself into? Worse yet, Jack and Ben were next. They’d fight him tooth and nail on this.

“I’m sorry, Liz…but tonight you’re going to be clean and pretty, okay?”

“Yep…maybe Ben can put my hair up.”

“Yeah…find what you want and he’ll do it…Jack! You’re next!”

Nick rinsed out the cloth in the sink trying to keep it from touching the sides which were covered in toothpaste, grime and god knows what else.

“You’re not gonna make me take a shower are you?”

Spinning around, Nick was shocked to see Jack standing there without an ounce of fight in him. Shirt off, pants hung low off his hips and a baseball cap covering his dirty brown hair. “Nope, not now anyway. You wanna do this yourself?”

Jack looked down and stuff his hands in his pockets. “When mom bothers, she still washes me.”

“That’s okay…sit down on the toilet. We’ll get you cleaned up here.” Now Nick felt nervous, only because Jack seemed to be. He squatted down and tried to make eye contact with the boy, wondering if whoever had messed with Ben got to Jack. If that was the case, he’d have to approach with caution. Peeking his gaze under Jack’s, he saw a tear run from one eye.

“Hey…I can leave so you can do this…it’s okay.”

“No, I don’t know…I miss most of it…just…just do it, okay?”

Nick started at Jack’s back, and worked down his arms. Jack never looked up. Nick couldn’t tell if he was just embarrassed or worried something would suddenly go funny. “You know, I used to bathe my brother all the time.”

That got him. “You did?”

“Yep…when he was younger, your age…yeah.”

“How old is he?”

“Well, now he’s 14, but when he was younger and I was home. Mom would get so mad at us cuz by the time I was done, water would be all over the bathroom. We’d get so into our water fights, sometimes we forgot to wash.”

“Who won?”

“Mom…we always had to clean up the bathroom then. But, we’d just go and do it again next time.”

“I don’t play with Ben that way very much.”

“I’m sorry. Do you guys play basketball sometimes?”

“Yeah, when he’s home or not babysitting Amy.”

“Close your eyes now…time for your face.” Nick didn’t say anything else as he finished up. What else was there to say? Somehow tonight, he was going to help these kids forget their regular life and just have fun. “Okay, all done here…tell Ben he’s next.”

“He won’t let you touch him.”

“Not plannin’ on it. I need to figure out what to do with Amy…I only helped Mom with the babies and that was a long time ago.”

“Now that I can help with. I’m good at that!”

“You’re not touching me with that washcloth.” Ben stood in the doorway with Amy on his hip and plenty of fight in him to make up for Jack’s lack of it.

“No kidding. Let me rinse it out here. But this time…” Nick looked up to Ben remembering the “wash up” he did at the McDonald’s their first time they met.

“What!?”

“Cleaning, no smoking. Got it?” He smacked the warm, sudsy washcloth in the boy’s hand and took the baby from his arms. “You have 5 minutes.”

Ben flipped Nick the bird as he closed the door behind him. “Bastard. Who does he think he is anyway?”

“Hey Nick…phone for you.”

Nick pulled his head out of the dryer, bringing along the last of the laundry with him. Just in time too; he was starving. “Here? For me?”

“Yeah, it’s your girlfriend.” Jack snickered as he handed the sticky phone to Nick and ran back up the wobbly steps, hardly even noticing how unsteady they were. Nick almost sweat a gallon going up and down the stupid things.

Looking at the phone wondering who the hell could be calling him here, he tentatively answered, slinging the broken laundry basket on his hip as he ventured up the stairs.

“Hello? This is Nick.”

“Hey…it’s Solana. How you managing?”

“OH! Hi…yeah, we’re doing okay.” Sticking his tongue out at Jack for the ‘girlfriend’ comment, he hopped up on solid ground, grateful he didn’t have to make anymore trips down. “Just did a load of laundry. Gonna take everyone out to dinner.”

“No problems?”

“No…should there be?”

“Not necessarily. Ben’s not giving you grief? He’s still there and all?”

“Yep…he bathed the baby, helped with laundry. We’re good. Why? Don’t you trust me?”

How the hell could this man put a pout into his voice? She could see it on his face. “You’re sad…and no, I don’t. Not yet. You’ve not earned it yet.”

“Well, shit. How do I do that!?”

“Time, Nick…time.”

“Ah, well…oof. Hang on.” Snapping his fingers to get Ben’s attention, he thrust the basket in his hands and covered the receiver. “Separate these and pass out the clothes. We need to leave.”

“I won’t keep you, Nick…you’re busy.”

“We’re good…thanks for calling though.”

“It’s okay. No sign of Kitty or Mom?”

“Nothing…”

“What are you going to do tonight, Mr. Savior…when it’s bedtime and still there’s no adult around?”

Damn. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Uh…I have no idea.” Looking up and seeing Liz’s shirt on inside out and backwards, he laughed. Really laughed. It felt good. “Liz, honey…come here. You’re a mess.”

“You’re such a pro; you could spend the night.”

“NO!” Oops. That came out too quickly. Giggling at Liz’s crossed eyes as her face popped through the neck of her now right-side out, front ways facing shirt, he checked Jack’s tag and chuckled again when he found one in the front. “Backwards, Bozo…tag goes in back.”

She could only imagine the scene at the house and was truly impressed with the calmness in which he handled the kids. There was no way she could be impressed with this idiot, could there? “You’re just bein’ a chicken shit now.”

“So be it. I’m not doin’ that, Solana. No way.”

“That’s alright, Nick. They’ll be okay. Ben feels great responsibility for Amy. If nothing else, she’ll make him stay…they’ve done it before.”

Sneaking back into the hallway for a bit more privacy, he finally asked what had been running through his mind since he saw the kids playing at the center. “Yeah, but damn…how can a mom just do that?”

“She’s an addict, Nick. She probably doesn’t even realize she has kids right now.”

“Doesn’t child protection services take these kinds of kids away from their mothers? It doesn’t seem right.”

“Yep, and they might again. Honestly, there are worse situations out there, so we focus on those. Ben’s okay and when Kitty’s home, she does okay too. Some families have 3 and 4 yr. olds left alone. We have to help them first.”

“You need more funds.”

“It’s a start, but not an answer. Money doesn’t answer everything, Nick.”

‘Neek.’ ‘Cheekin sheet.’ Okay, so he preferred the accent. He also preferred it when she was a bitch. There had to be something unethical about drooling over your ‘little brothers’ social worker. Sighing at his continual horn dog status and the truth in her comment, he decided to direct the conversation elsewhere.

“Did Barry tell you why I stopped by today?”

“Yeah, and that’s the other reason I wanted to talk to you…I appreciate that you told him. It’s major.”

“Just seemed to be.” Looking around the corner to see Jack swatting at Liz’s newly formed ponytail, he excused himself. “JACK! Outside. Shoot hoops until you make 5 in a row.” After the boy made his way outside, Nick added, “And don’t get dirty!” Going back to his conversation he had to laugh. “God, I sound like my dad.”

“Fun, huh? When you’re a real dad it’ll get worse.”

“Great…just so I’m there for my kids. This is nuts.”

“Yes, but it’s obvious you’re making an impact…so, maybe I owe you an apology.”

“What for?”

“I had absolutely no faith in you.”

“Eh, I didn’t give you any reason to. And you know…it’s still early in the game. God knows what I might fuck up.” Catching his language, especially when Liz snuck down the hall, shaking a finger in his direction, he smacked is hand over his mouth. “Dang…sorry, Liz.”

All he could hear was cackling on the other end. She was no help.

“Hey! Cut me some slack; I’m new at this.”

“You’re pathetic.”

“Yeah, well…hey…how did the muppet dinner go?”

“Okay until Piggy slugged Kermit for kissing Barbie. Then we had some problems.”

“Oh no…hell hath no fury like a pig scorned.”

“You’re not kidding. Hey, Rosalie’s totally covered the floor with water. Time for me to get her out of the tub. You’re doing good, Nick.”

“Thanks. Thanks a lot.”

Making his way back into the room, he clicked off the phone and tossed it on the couch, wincing when dust flew up as it hit the cushion. “Is everybody ready?”

“Yep!”

Jack had just come in and they were all standing waiting for him to take them out. Perfect. As he opened the screen door, he felt a gentle tugging on the hem of his shirt. Looking down, he saw Princess Liz. “You look awful pretty tonight.”

“Thank you…we don’t have a car seat. What about Amy?”

Twenty dollars and 15 minutes later, they had a “borrowed” car seat from the neighbor. Nick decided to forget what Mr. Emerson was actually going to do with that twenty dollars, and he watched as Ben swiftly buckled Amy in and made sure the other 2 kids were fastened in tight. They couldn’t bathe themselves, but they were careful about auto safety. He'd never get it.

“Where you taking us, Nick?” Liz was so excited to be going anywhere, she’d already taken 3 potty breaks since Solana first called. Hopefully she was done with that mess. Nick did not want her going into a men’s room.

“Chuck E. Cheese.”

Ben shot a glare across the truck, none too happy with the announcement. “You made us dress up for Chuck E. Cheese?”

“No, I made you wear clean clothes and have half way clean bodies for Chuck E. Cheese. You’re gonna be climbing around stuff with other kids; you should be clean.” Dammit, he did sound like his dad. That just sucked.

“I’m not climbin’ on nuttin’…that’s for babies.”

“Fine. You can watch Amy then.” Softening Ben’s glare with a cheesy grin, Nick focused on driving. It amazed him how having kids in the car suddenly made you more cautious. He never had been the greatest of drivers, but now…now he felt like it mattered. There were lives in his hands. It was strange.

“Do I have to watch her all night?”

“What else you gonna do? Play in the ball pit, Son?”

Another cheesy grin, bringing back their initial meeting, and Ben had been had. For now. He’d get this pain in his ass back somehow. Tonight. He had to. Disgusted with the way Nick was wheedling into their lives and…dare he consider…hearts, Ben leaned up and flipped on the CD player, grateful for the raucous music that blared from the speakers. He didn’t even know what it was, but it drowned out his clashing emotions at this whole situation.

Finally, they’d arrived and Nick took over keeping an eye on Liz while Ben had Amy. Jack…well, he was just everywhere. Nick never thought he’d say, “Come, sit down” so many times in one meal again. And how many pizzas did they go through? Nick was a big enough eater, but by god, Liz rivaled him. The boys far surpassed him. And Amy just daintily picked up small bits of cheese and dough from her tray, banging on it when it was empty. Nick was finally stuffed, but the kids kept going. “Dang, guys…slow down. When’s the last time you ate?”

“Monday.”

“Monday!? Guys…it’s Thursday. How long has your mom been gone?”

“Since this morning. She was home when I left for school.” Jack smacked Liz’s hand as they reached for the last piece at the same time.

“Hey! That’s mine!”

“Hang on, hang on…Ben, you done?”

“Done.” Burp. “Well, now I’ve got room for more.”

“Nice. You’re done. Gimme that knife.” Nick cut the last piece in half, giving the pieces to Liz and Jack. “So, you didn’t get breakfast?”

“Nope.”

“What about dinner last night?”

“I had some potato chips.” Liz licked her fingers as she stuff almost half of the thin piece in mouth. Nick couldn’t watch anymore. He was getting queasy.

“Mmm…what about lunch at school?”

“School lunches suck. We get ‘em but nothing’s edible on there.”

“You haven’t eaten since Monday AND you’re bein’ picky at the school lunch your mom’s payin’ for?”

Ben started cackling. “No, you moron. Mom’s not payin’ for our lunches. YOU are…government assist, man. You’ve been payin’ our groceries, our doctor bills, for our house. Mom doesn’t pay for shit.”

Nick sat back totally speechless. He really didn’t feel like he’d led a sheltered life, but yet, suddenly it felt like he was being exposed to the sun for the first time. Or should he say the damaging ultra violet rays…this wasn’t pleasurable like normal sunshine. This just sucked. “Okay, time to clean up. Jack and Ben, you go clean up and we’ll wait. I’ll take Liz in.”

“We can take her.”

“No. I’ve got her…go on.” He didn’t feel comfortable with them in there as it was, but with a young girl too? No. Too many freaks. He knew it well. The guys used to tease him when they first started when he wouldn’t go into public restrooms alone, but dammit…some of the men in there were creepy. There was power in numbers.

Liz helped Amy finish up the last bits of food on her tray and even wiped it clean. Had the mother done such a good job at making these kids somewhat responsible or were they responsible out of a natural urge to survive? It was a strange thing. But, if they could be responsible for each other, couldn’t they be taught to be responsible for their home, their belongings, their bodies?

“Okay, I’m gonna go play in the tubes. Do we have tokens?” Jack held out his hand like a little street urchin begging for a freebie. Nick wouldn’t have it.

Raising his eyebrow and ignoring Ben’s laughter at getting caught being impudent, Nick finally asked, “How many shots did you have to make to get 5 in a row?”

“Seven.”

Reaching into his pocket for some tokens, Nick smiled and winked. “Impressive. Here’s…” he let the drop one by one as Liz counted them out loud. “Eight. You have to earn more.”

“How?”

“I dunno yet…but you will in time. Ben, stay here with Amy ‘til I get Liz cleaned up, okay?”

“Yeah…” Ben was speechless. He hated how comfortable he felt in Nick’s presence. He hated how Liz was constantly fawning all over him and now, hell…even Amy was. Kitty was going to be a nuisance if she spent any time with him. He was supposed to be Ben’s big brother, not everyone else’s. But yet…he was. Without even trying. Pissed him off.

Standing up, Nick took Liz’s greasy hand in his. “You do NOT let go of my hand without asking me, got it?”

“Yep. I’m not lettin’ go, Nick.” She leaned her head on his hip as they walked. She really liked him. He was soft and cute and funny. “What if I gotta pee though?”

“Then you can let go, Liz…then you can let go.”

Ben’s payback to Nick came in the form of a birthday party for a ten year old girl. And all of her ten year old friends. Eyeballing them from across the game room, Ben quickly put his plan in motion. Fortunately, Nick was so busy beating his brother’s pants at pinball that he’d be none the wiser…until it was too late.

Hiking Amy up on his hip, he cautiously approached the party, trying to look inconspicuous. Finally, he reached the birthday girl who was huddled in a corner with a handful of her friends. “Psst…hey.”

“What?” Some of the girls immediately cooed over Amy, while others were just disgusted a boy…ew…would dare come speak to them.

“You want the birthday present of a lifetime?”

“What!? What are you talking about?”

“You like the Backstreet Boys?”

By this time, Amy had been away from the action long enough and started squirming out of Ben’s arms. “Nick! Nick!”

“Shhh…Amy…hang on…” He hiked her up, scolding her with his eyes. “Yeah, Nick Carter’s here…that Backstreet Boys dude.”

“No way.”

“He is not.”

“Would you just go away??”

Turning to walk away with dramatic smugness, Ben put Amy down, firmly grabbing her hand. “Go ahead, Amy. Tell ‘em who’s over there playin’ pin ball.”

“Nick! Nick!”

Half of the girls couldn’t hide their curiosity and started peeking through the thin columns that divided the dining area from the gaming area. Right on cue, a squeal to rival any hog calling contest winner soared through the crowd. “Oh my god! It is! It’s Nick Carter!”

Ben scooped Amy up to avoid getting stampeded by a small horde of girls and laughed as he watched Nick lose his ball in play, and spin around to the approaching screams, white as a sheet.

“Woah! HO! Hey! Stop! Hang on! Hang on!” The girls surrounded him like bees to honey and Nick looked up to see Ben laughing hysterically, trying to hang on to Amy who was a pile of giggles too. Having to clue often made life a happier place to be.

With a glare to Ben and a quick thought of Liz and Jack being unattended, he held up a hand to the girls and tried to quiet the situation. Why he didn’t bring security was suddenly beyond him. “Okay, hang on…seriously. Back up a bit and I’ll talk to y’all. Go on…back up…good. Now,” looking up for his charges, he sighed seeing everything pretty much under control.

“Jack, you got Liz?”

“Yep…we’re good…goin’ in the tubes.”

“Okay, come with me, girls…” Nick led the excitable crowd back to their booth and sat down, hoping a few minutes of his time would satisfy.

And it did. A few pictures with the birthday girl, a piece of cake to appease the horrified mother and he was off. Now, to kill Ben. It was time to head home anyway.

Waiting at the bottom of the slide, he caught Liz and scooped her up in his arms. “You ready to head home?”

“No…I wanna stay.”

“Well, kiddo, we can’t. Maybe Kitty’s home by now, huh?”

Liz shrugged and pecked Nick’s cheek with a kiss as she slid down to the floor, calling for Jack to come out of the mass of tubes, nets and slides. “Jack! Get down here! Time to go home!!!”

“Where’s Ben?”

“I dunno…haven’t seen him since he sent those girls to you.”

“Great. Jack! Come on, man! Time to go!”

Just as Jack appeared at the bottom of a slide, Ben did too, coming in from outside with Amy en tow. “Where you been, man?”

“Just getting some fresh air. Those girls really hog up the air, you know?”

“You’re so gonna pay for that.”

“Uh, no, I think we’re even. You made me suffer through Chuck E. Cheese and baby sit my sister, remember?”

“You got a free meal and a night away from home. I still think I owe you some form of pain and suffering.”

The smile slid from Ben’s face, body and out of his voice. “I get that every day…don’t need any more from you, pop star.”

Nick opened his mouth to say something, but realized only foolishness would come out. Looking to Jack and Liz, he offered the young girl his hand and led the way outside.

It was a good thing he wasn’t in a hurry. They weren’t going anywhere.

“What the he-…Jesus Chr-…who the fu-…I’m gonna kill someone.” Nick dug his cell phone out of his oversized pockets and hit a pre-set number, looking to the kids for either some form of calm or possibly an answer as to how this had happened.

“Mike. Good…I need you to look something up for me, man. Go into my office.”

“What’s up?”

“Someone’s slashed my god dam--…my stupid tires. I’ve got that mechanic that helped out when the truck broke down. Said I could call him anytime. I need tires…now.”

“Damn…where you at?”

“Chuck E. Cheese in Brandon.”

“What the hell are you doin’ at Chuck E. Cheese?”

“Eating, assho-…just get the number, would you?” Leaning back on his truck, Nick looked over the kids for any sign of knowledge as to how this happened. No other car in the parking lot had their tires slashed. And Ben was looking suddenly skittish. He couldn’t have…not after Nick had done this for them…

“Okay, you ready?”

Shaking out of his anger, Nick jotted the number down and clicked off his phone. “Okay, guys…gimme another minute and we should be good to go.”

“I wanna go home now, Nick!!”

“I know, Liz…so do I. But we can’t drive with flat tires. We’ll get a tow or my friend will bring out new tires now…something.”

“How’d your tires get flat anyway? They look all cut up!”

Nodding to Jack’s question, he breathed a sigh of relief as a familiar voice answered the phone. “Ted, hey, it’s Nick Carter. Hey, man…I need a huge favor.”

Everybody wants something and Ted was no different. Nick would have four new tires delivered in the next 30 minutes if he promised a private visit to his daughter in the next week. He felt like he was bidding on an auction. “No, I’m not gonna do a private concert, Ted. Yes, I want the tires. Okay, I’ll come visit and have dinner with her. No, not tomorrow. Before the week’s out. Yes, I promise.” It was insanity. But, for now, it seemed a small price to pay. It’d be cheaper than the exorbitant bill he’d see in his mailbox when this was all over with anyway.

“Okay guys. Thirty minutes. We can wait that long, huh?”

“Can we go back and play?”

“Um, no, let’s not go back. We’ll have to take our shoes off again and…” Looking up, he noticed Ben sneaking away, having left Amy at Jack’s side. “Ben! Get back here.”

“I’m just goin’ over here…chill, man.”

“No, I will not chill. Get over here now.”

Ben plead with Nick with his eyes and a hand motion for a cigarette. “Please, man.”

“Nope. Sorry. You have responsibilities over here now.” He had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that Ben was responsible for this. Not one shred of proof, but his gut was feeling queasy at the prospect.

“Shit. Fine. I’ll just stand here and look at you guys for half an hour. Wee. Fun.”

“I didn’t plan on this happening, Ben. None of us are happy about it, so just relax. Here…” Tossing his car keys to the boy, he motioned inside his truck. Turn on the battery and get some music crankin’ anyway.”

Ben took the keys and couldn’t hide his shock. He’d just slashed this guy’s tires, knew Nick knew it and yet, was being trusted with the keys to the ignition to his Cadillac SUV. It made no sense. “You want ME to turn on your car?”

“No, I want you to turn the ignition to battery. If I hear one bit of engine, you’re dead.”

That was enough for Jack, who up to this point had been a nervous wreck. Not guilty, but it was apparent he too, felt Ben was responsible. Hearing Nick’s threat, though, broke the ice of his nerves and made the tension swimming around them all disappear.

After a make shift game of musical chairs not only with no chairs, but also with no possible winner, Nick let out a whoop when he saw his friend’s pick up truck pull into the parking lot. “Alright! We made it guys!”

Keeping the kids out of Ted’s way as he changed all four tires, Nick tried to make eye contact with Ben when Ted’s inquiries on how this happened persisted. Not until Nick handed over a hefty check and slid into the car, checking that all passengers were buckled in safely, did he finally get such eye contact.

“Happy now, Ben?” His voice was a hushed angry whisper, trying to keep the conversation only to the front seat and away from the younger kids.

“Huh?”

“Was that fun for you? Add enough excitement into your evening?”

Quickly averting his angry gaze, Ben stared out the passenger side window. “Just start the damned truck. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You screw with my engine too? We all gonna die now?”

“Oh, you’re a riot. No…just…god, let’s go. Kitty’s probably home by now thinking we’ve been kidnapped.”

“Don’t you wish.”

“So what the fuck were you doin’ at Chuck E. Cheese, man? You datin’ another teenager?”

“Oh fuck off, Mike. I had that kid I’m mentoring and his brother and sisters out.”

The two friends grabbed their beers from the bartender and slid into the center of the VIP section of the club, hoping for a quietly wild evening. Not too many cling-on’s but plenty of fun.

“You gotta mess with the whole family now?”

“No, I just…did.” Tossing back a huge swig of beer, Nick flipped off his friend who was staring at him like he’d grown a second head. “What?”

“You voluntarily took these smarmy kids out for pizza? What’s gotten into you?”

“Their mom was missing…big sis was missing. I dunno. I just felt…” Setting his already empty bottle on the table, Nick leaned back, a bit disgusted with this line of questioning. “Why are you so damned nosey about it, huh? I just took the kids out for dinner. They don’t ever get a decent meal. Why’s that so shocking, huh?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You’ve just seemed more interested in Nick Carter lately. Not really giving a fuck for anyone else in the world.”

“Gee, thanks, asshole. Next time I need my head examined I’ll skip Dr. Laura and just call you.”

“See, now, that’s the Nick Carter we all know and love.”

“Fuck you.” With a burp and a hand through his hair, Nick made a quick scan of the dance floor. “Let’s go find us some ladies. I’m sick of lookin’ at your face every night.”

Sometimes the benefits of stardom were just unbelievable. Within five minutes on the dance floor, Nick had danced with two women already and now had three others circling him, rubbing up against him, grinding everything they had up against everything he had. You just couldn’t beat it. Well, if he could get one or two of these beauties home, he’d surely try anyway.

Wrapping his arm around the waist of the blonde in front of him, he ground his hips into hers, smirking at the effect he was having on her. It was too easy. Still feeling another female behind him, he wrapped his other arm back, to pull her in closer, making himself a nice Nick sandwich.

Sadly, the front gal thought she should have Nick to herself and walked off in a huff. That was fine. One more where that came from…at least. Raising his arms to turn to the shapely body behind him, he ran a hand down the length of her long black hair as she turned to face him, and slowly bring her gaze up into his eyes.

And quit breathing. Both of them.

“Solana!?”

“Nick!? Oh shit…I’ve had too much to drink. I didn’t even…” She stammered and fidgeted and started mumbling something in Spanish. Something Nick was sure he did not want to understand. “Lo siento, Nick…I…I mean, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. How’d you get away from the muppet party?”

“I really…you know, let’s just forget we saw each other, huh? I gotta go.” She tried to escape the dance floor, but it was already too packed, making a quick escape impossible.

Grabbing her arm he pulled her back to him. “No, I’m not gonna forget. Let’s go upstairs, huh?”

“And do what?” It was obvious where her mind was and she was not interested. Well, she wasn’t going to let him onto any other idea anyway.

“Oh God, Solana…up to VIP. To talk. Man, you are drunk.”

“And you’re not, Mr. Carter? I thought that was your favorite pastime.”

“No, Miss Romero, I’m not. And if I’m gonna be honest with my counselor tomorrow I’d be smart to stay that way. Come on.” He slid his hold down to her hand and pulled her through the crowd.

Finally upstairs and settled into a remote corner, he ordered them both some water and sat back, shaking his head at the irony of the situation.

“What? You’re mocking me.”

“No, I’m not mocking you, but this is damned funny, don’t you think?”

“I’m not laughing. I’m embarrassed.”

“Why the hell are you embarrassed? You got a night out and went dancing. What’s wrong with that?”

Burying her head in her hands, which was suddenly throbbing as though it were already the morning after, she sighed when no answer would come. She wasn’t thinking clearly. Her body was still very much “on” from the bumping and grinding session she’d had with the stranger downstairs. And here he was sitting smugly in front of her. Life was so unfair sometimes.

“Solana…this is no big deal. People go out. It’s kinda nice seeing you out of your element.”

Peeking out from her hands, she couldn’t help but answer his smile with a weak one of her own. She did deserve a night out away from her munchkin, dammit. She just didn’t think she’d be running into a client, no less rubbing her ass up against his in a seductive dance.

“And what is your element, Mr. Carter? This it?”

“First, please…you call me Nick at the center. Let’s keep it that way. Sounds like you’re talking to my dad.”

“Well, you played ‘dad’ tonight, didn’t you? How’d that go?” She was grateful for the water, and frankly for the quiet seat. It’d been so long since she’d had a night out, she wondered if it was the two drinks in her or the atmosphere that was truly intoxicating her. She didn’t feel so foggy all of a sudden.

“Eh, it went. Kitty was home when we got back, so I felt better anyway.”

“That’s good. Ben fight you at all?”

“Nope.” Why he didn’t want to tell her about the tires was beyond him. Somehow it seemed he’d gain more trust if he just kept it to himself. Besides, he had a plan of punishment for the little shit at next weeks’ meeting.

“Well, good. Maybe it was a good thing you did that after all. Where’d you end up taking them?”

“Chuck E. Cheese. Ben was thrilled.”

“Oh, he’s just being a pain. What 12 yr. old kid wouldn’t love a room full of video games?”

“I know…he was fine. Jack whoops my ass at everything we do though…he’s, um…”

“Amazing. In that environment and he and Liz both are gonna come out shining. Or, at least…they can if they keep trying.”

“And Ben?”

“That’s what we’re counting on you for, Nick. Find what makes him shine.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope…maybe you can find what really makes you shine too…away from the spotlight.”

“Might not be a bad idea. Spotlight hasn’t been too bright lately anyway.”

Hearing him get suddenly serious, Solana began to feel uncomfortable. Not only was she sitting up in VIP of this nightclub, but she remembered her friend that she left downstairs. This was proving to her yet again, that her role nowadays was that of mom and social worker. Single woman on the prowl did not suit her. Smiling empathetically at Nick for his honest statement, she stood and excused herself.

“I’m gonna head on out, I think. Thanks for the break from down there. I might have done something really stupid.”

“Yeah, if you’re rubbing booties with me…god knows who you’d have ended up with.”

“Mmm…no kidding. Couldn’t get much worse than you, though.”

Smiling through his glare, Nick was honestly thrilled this little meeting happened. Might ease some of the inexplicable tension between them. He wondered if he could take it one step further.

“You know, I’m really not into this scene tonight. Can I take you home?”

“Uh…I don’t know, Nick.”

“Did you drive?”

“Yeah, but my friend can if she’s not too trashed.”

“Let me take you.”

Man, he could pull off a pout like the best of them. And dammit, it was cute. Heaving a sigh of resignation, she caved. “You’re not getting out of the car, Mr. Carter.”

Saluting her demands, he smiled. “Yes’m. A sober ride home. Period.”

“Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this in the morning?”

“I don’t know. I’m gonna make sure you don’t.”

“So how are you going to entertain me today, NFucker?” Ben had to smile at his little ingenious name. Might have to keep that one.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” Nick shook his head at his miniature dirty mirror image and started the truck.

“Yeah, I work hard at it.”

“Good…you like workin’ hard?”

“Not really, why?”

“Cuz today, my man…you’re gonna work off the $1000 I had to cough up last week to replace my tires.”

“WHAT!? How the hell am I gonna do that!?”

“You’ll see. I figure since you like using a blade so much, you can put it to good use.”

“And if I don’t want to?”

Pulling to the traffic light, Nick turned his gaze to Ben, raising an eyebrow at his sudden forgetfulness. “You forgot something real important, Ben.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m not the only one here on court order.” Cheesy grin. Traffic moved and so did Nick, knowing he had this kid by the balls. Right where he needed to be.

“A car dealership? What, I’m gonna slash everyone’s tires?”

“Yeah, that’s it, Ben. That’ll teach you. Get out.”

Nick met Ben at the sidewalk, waving off an oncoming salesman. “No, not buyin’…thanks.” Taking Ben by the arm, they made their way to the back of the building. “Okay, here’s the deal…”

“Wait just a minute. How the hell do you know I’m the one who slashed your tires to begin with, huh? Maybe you’re punishing the wrong guy.”

Nick held Ben’s gaze without saying a word, remembering Kevin using that little trick on him when he was younger. Hold it long enough, and the tough, “I’m innocent” stand would falter. Just a few more seconds, and….

“Jesus…you just assume it’d be me, huh?”

“You denying it?” His grip on Ben’s arm never moved, even when Ben tried to squirm free. Not too tight, just enough to show who was in charge at the moment.

“I just get sick of getting blamed for everything.”

“Then quit doin’ stupid shit and I bet the blame will go away, Ben. Now, we’re goin’ in there to meet my friend who owns this place. His landscape contractor dogged him last week and needs the bushes out front trimmed. I told him I had the perfect guy to do it…this one time anyway. No fee.”

“I’m trimming bushes!? How stupid.”

“Okay, you trim bushes or we go back, tell Solana about what happened last week and let her discipline you. It’s your decision.”

“This isn’t Miss Romero’s idea?”

“Nope. She has no clue, and if you cooperate, she never will.”

“How is this paying you back?”

“I get to hold the bag and watch you work. My friend gets a free trim and you get a good sweat goin’ and learn a new skill. That’s worth about $1000 to me.”

”You’re a prick, you know that?”

Quoting Ben’s words back to him, Nick smirked and opened the door. “Yeah, I work hard at it. Oh! One more thing. If you’re the least bit shitty with my friend, the deal’s off, got it?”

“How long for $1000?”

“’Til the job’s done.”

“You’ve got to be kidding…look at all of these bushes!”

“Be thankful you didn’t screw up my rims. You’d be here for the next month. Now, let’s go.”

“Yeah, yeah…damn.”

“Well, well, Nick. Long time, no see. What brings you here today?”

“I was dropping Ben off and thought I’d stop by and say ‘hi.’ You live through your hangover?”

Shooting a glare up at Nick and his impudent grin, Solana quickly shut the door behind him. “Shut up! I don’t want the kids hearing that.”

“Oops. Sorry.” Nick pointed to the chair, asking for permission to sit with his eyes. “You got time?”

“Yeah, about 10 minutes…everything okay?”

“Yep. I just uh…I dunno…after seeing you at Rain, I thought I should…I dunno.” Bumbling idiot. He was a complete bumbling idiot in front of this woman. If he wasn’t acting like a first class jerk, he couldn’t form a complete sentence.

“Well, um, I was a bit more trashed than I thought. I honestly only remember getting in your car and walking in my house. Did I even…God, what did I do?”

“You weren’t that bad, really. Just a little dancin’ is all.” Nick wagged his eyebrows at Solana, giggling when her face whitened in fear.

“Shit…with YOU!?”

“Yeah, just a little. You talked fine though. I didn’t think you were that far gone.”

“God, I remember none of that.” Getting up and pointing to the coffee machine, Nick shook his head no and she poured herself a cup. “Thanks for getting me home, though. I need to just concentrate on being a mom. I’m good at that. I suck at the single’s scene.”

“Eh, I bet you’re just out of practice.”

“Quite possible.” Sitting back down, she looked at the handsome man sitting across from her. Either he had changed in a very short time, or he faked it well. He didn’t seem so hard, so inapproachable, so angry. Or maybe her opinion of him had just changed. Maybe he hadn’t been that awful to begin with? Either way, she was liking it. She felt comfortable with him and having him be with Ben. Even Ben seemed more in control since Nick showed up. He had a long way to go; was still a powder keg, but yet…Nick’s influence had been evident. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Did you go back to the club after you dropped me off?”

“Nope; went home.”

“Alone? You?”

Nick had to chuckle. Oh yeah, a woman in his bed every night. Hardly. “Yeah, me…I’m not THAT big of an ass.”

“So you’re saying you’ve never taken a woman home after a night out like that.”

“No, I’m not saying that. I’ve brought home women before, yeah. I just don’t every time.”

“How do you do that?”

“What? Come home alone or with a stranger?”

“Isn’t it the same thing?”

Starting to quickly answer ‘no’, Nick caught himself. He let her words sink in, and sat back, letting them talk to him for a moment. “You know, in the morning, no…they’re totally different.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, come morning, having a stranger in my bed is much lonelier.”

Smiling at his honesty and saddened he’d know that truth from experience, she nodded in support. “I’d imagine it to be. Can’t say I’ve ever experienced it.”

“Don’t. It’s not worth it.”

“Yet you do it anyway?”

Looking down at his hands, Nick brought one up to start nibbling on a fingernail. Damn her. She wasn’t supposed to be picking at his brain…just her client’s. This sucked. “Yeah, I do. Haven’t for a bit, but…I honestly can’t say I’ve quit either.”

“Not asking you to. Your life, Nick. I was just curious. Wondered why I felt so out of place there the other night.”

“You seemed to fit in just fine.”

“Yeah, with a few too many drinks in me. I dunno…I just need to be a mom and not worry about the rest. It’s hard enough, thank you very much.”

“Makes me wonder how Ben’s mom does it. Five kids, all of ‘em are shits in their own way.”

“That’s why she reverts to drugs, Nick. She can’t do it.”

“What do you do when you can’t do it?”

“Go in Rosalie’s room and watch her sleep. What about you?”

“Drink too much. Workin’ on that. One more session and he said I’m okay to go.”

“Good…you just overdo socially?”

“Yeah…but, it’s stupid. Escape thing for me too. I need to,” Nick lifted his finger to do quote marks in the air, “Find something to fill the voids in my life. Find my own worth.”

“You think you’re doing that?”

“I’m trying. I never thought Ben would make any difference, but the other night, I saw his grimy little face starin’ at me when I almost ordered my third beer.”

“It stopped you?”

“Yep, that’s why I was out dancin’…with some hot, drunk Latino chickie.”

“Oh hush up. You’re not gonna let me forget that are you?”

“I think you told me you already did. I should be insulted.”

Heaving a sigh and looking at her watch, Solana looked up to Nick, amazed that he wasn’t the punk she thought he was. At least not this minute he wasn’t. “Well, don’t be. I just should not drink like that. I was stupid. And now, Mr. Carter…I have a client comin’ in. Did you need anything else?”

“Nope…just wanted to pop in. See how the headache was.”

“Now that you’ve been here, I think it’s returned.”

“You know, you don’t HAVE to hate me. I’m not that bad.” Nick got up and walked to the door happy he’d stopped by. Having no agenda at all was sometimes the best agenda to have.

“No, you’re not. You’re just easy to torment.”

“Thanks…I’ll talk to you later, Solana.”

As he stepped outside the door, he stopped, hearing her call him back. “Yeah?”

“Um,” looking down at her desk, feeling overcome with stupid nerves for no apparent reason, she brought her brown eyes up to meet his expectant blue. “You know, you can uh…you can call me Lani. My friends call me Lani.”

His smile spread from ear to ear, but he wanted to dismantle her just a little. “Okay, Lani…you…you can call me Neeck.”

Hearing the bounce of a basketball from the back of the house, Nick made his way around to see who was outside shooting. It was Jack showing off for absolutely no one. The kid had some talent, there was no doubt. Quietly, opening the gate, Nick snuck in and waited for his perfect opportunity. Just as Jack was running in for a lay-up, Nick shot out from his hidden spot and stole the ball, spinning around as he tossed the ball into the net-less hoop.

“I think that’s an “H” for you.”

“Oh, man…don’t even play fair!” Jack had to laugh as he ran off to get the ball from under an old dilapidated dog house. “Ben’s not here anyway.”

“He’s not? We were supposed to meet today…” He looked at his watch to be sure he wasn’t too early or late and sighed seeing he was right on time. “Okay, is he coming back or is he avoiding me on purpose?”

Jack shot the ball up from an imaginary three point mark, sunk it and cheered for himself. “I so rock!” Holding his hands out for Nick to toss back the rebound ball, he caught it and immediately shot again, missing this time. “Crap. Yeah, he’s pissed you made him trim all those bushes.”

“So he’s doggin’ our time? He’s just beggin’ me to tell Miss Romero about those tires, isn’t he?”

“I dunno, man. Just shoot the ball.”

Nick dribbled out to where Jack was standing and took aim. Stopping himself, he looked down to Jack and bonked him on the head with the ball. “What do you have going this afternoon? I was takin’ Ben to the IMAX…you wanna come instead?”

“I gotta do my homework first.”

Finally taking his shot, he chuckled at his poor attempt. Barely hit the rim. “Ah, school’s almost out, isn’t it?”

“Yep, another week.” Jack rebounded from Nick’s bad shot and held onto the ball. “I’m supposed to read for 15 minutes and mom’s messin’ with Amy.”

“Wanna read to me?”

“Yeah…it’s Captain Underpants!”

“Aw, cool…my brother loved those books!”

“Lemme go get it…we can read out here.”

As Jack went inside, Nick dug the ball out from under the dog house again and practiced his lay-ups, trying to figure out what to do about Ben. He hated being a tight-ass about it, but the truth was, they both were required to do these meetings. Besides, minus the little tire incident, Nick was actually enjoying this “community service.” He finally felt of value totally separate from his work, his persona, his fans. He liked these twerpy kids and they seemed to like him too. It made him feel special. And useful. It felt great. Hell, it just felt. He hadn’t felt anything for quite some time.

“You ready, Professor Poopypants?”

“I’m ready, Captain!”

Professor Poopypants spent several minutes jotting down a complex code on the three giant billboards.

George and Harold, along with nearly a thousand of their fellow shrunken students, watched the mad professor from the terrifying clutch of his giant robotic hand.

Jack stopped reading at the end of the page and gave the book to Nick. “Okay, your turn. I read a page, then you read one.”

“Oh, okay…” For some odd reason, Nick felt nervous. He could sing in front of 20,000 screaming fans, but reading in front of this 8 yr. old boy was intimidating. The kids, as nice as they are, seemed to get off on making fun of every little quirk about someone and he didn’t want to give Jack ammunition. Over doing it, not putting enough into it. Jeez…who said this mentoring stuff was easy? Taking a deep breath and remembering how silly this book was, he gave it his best shot.

“What is that crazy guy up to?” asked Mr. Krupp from his office window.

“I’LL TELL YOU,” shouted Pippy Poopypants. “Everybody on the planet must now change their normal names into silly names using these three charts! Anyone who refuses will get SHRUNK!”

“How do the charts work?” asked Mr. Krupp.

“It’s easy”, said Professor Poopypants. “What’s your first name?”

Jack had leaned into Nick’s arm while he read, giggling at what was to come. Instead of handing the book back, Nick wrapped his arm around Jack, pulling him in closer and held it out so he could take his turn reading. Back and forth they went, chuckling at the silly names the Professor’s chart was making. Finally, reaching the last page of the chapter, Nick quickly read so they could go see what their new names would be.

“This may be the most horrible moment in all of human history,” said the local new reporter to her audience. “It seems that everyone on Earth must now change his or her name to avoid getting shrunk! Good luck to you all!

“This is Chim-Chim Diaperbrains reporting for Eyewitness News. Now, back to you, Booger.”*

“Okay, okay…was that 15 minutes?”

Looking at his watch, Nick chuckled. Hardly. “More like 10 if I stretch it.”

“Shoot…”

“Well, let’s see what our names would be and we can do another chapter when we’re done.”

You’d have thought Nick suggested an ice cream sundae. Jack yanked the book out of Nick’s hand and sat up, flipping the pages back to the chart. “Okay, first letter of my first name is J…and that’s…ick. Poopsie.”

“Aw, how cute!” Nick scruffed Jack’s hair in mock admiration.

“Shaddup. Okay, first letter of my last name…C…Giggle. God, I’m gonna be ‘cute’…this sucks.”

“What about the ‘y’ at the end?”

“Um…brains. Poopsie Gigglebrains. I sound like a girl.”

Nick scrunched his nose up and had to agree. “Ew, yeah…okay, what’s N?”

“Okay, N is…Zippy.”

“Zippy? Gross…okay, C was Giggle…and my last name ends with an R.”

Jack shut the book closed and laughed. Hard. A lot. That stupid 8 yr. old potty joke kind of laugh. Knowing full well he wasn’t going to get anything out of the kid for a few minutes, Nick grabbed the book and looked for himself. “Oh cute. Zippy Gigglebuns.”

Catching his breath, Jack finally spoke up. “Yeah, I’m the brains, you’re the buns…Ah-hahahahahahaha! Must mean I’m smarter than you!”

“Probably. You read better than I did in second grade…”

“Oh, come on, Nick. It’s a joke. Who else should we look up?”

“What’s Ben’s first name gonna be?”

“Lumpy. He’ll love it.”

“Oh yeah…ummm…who else?”

“Oh! How ‘bout Miss Romero?”

“Yeah…what’s Miss Romero’s new name?” Nick leaned in to help Jack look it up, hoping for a goody. “S is….Snotty. Nooooo comment.”

“Aw, she’s nice!”

“Maybe to you. She used to hate me.”

“So did I.” The two ‘boys’ stopped quick on Jack’s words. Yeah, they probably did hate Nick at first. Truth was, he wasn’t real fond of them either. But in just a few short weeks, he’d been able to look beyond the dirt and grime and see 4 really neat kids. Kitty had yet to be figured out. And the mom? Nick was still upset she’d left her kids. It would take some time to gain that trust.

Not wanting to kill the fun with too much seriousness, Nick scruffed Jack’s head again and winked to get back to the silliness. “Good you guys got smart. Okay, R is what?”

“Gizzard!? What’s a gizzard?”

“Some gross thing my mom used to pull out of a chicken or turkey. Grandma’d fry it up and eat it.”

“Ew…like the neck?”

“No, like the liver or something. It was slimey…I think it’s part of the stomach.”

Shivering, Jack looked back in the book, “Okay, Gizzard and…O is Hiney…Hinney? How do you say that?”

Giggling, Nick corrected him. “Hiney…like booty.”

“Oh no! Snotty Gizzardhiney! She’ll love that.”

“Dare ya’ to call her that next time you see her.”

“No way! She’d kill me…I dare YOU! She doesn’t hate you anymore you know.”

“She would then. I’m not sure she’d think it was very funny.”

“Wanna go find out? She’s not the bi-…uh, she’s not so bad once you talk to her some.”

“Yeah, I know…she’s softenin’ up. How could we go find out?”

“I’ve got a bike…”

“Nice…what’ll I do? Run along side?”

“No, Bozo…Mom’s got one. You can ride hers.”

“Your mom has a bike?” He really didn’t mean for it to come out as judgmentally as it did, but there it was. That huge thing on a bike? He couldn’t imagine.

“Yeah, I know…she doesn’t ride it anymore. Probably have to pump up the tires. We’ve got a pump.”

“Hmm…and she doesn’t live too far from here either, does she?”

“You know where she lives!? See, I thought she was your girlfriend!” Jack got up from their spot on the ground and offered a hand to help Nick up.

“No…no…no. She’s NOT my girlfriend. We bumped into each other one night and I took her home. No biggie.”

“You want her to be your girlfriend though, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t. I don’t want a girlfriend right now. I’ve got you twerps to deal with.”

“Oh please…you think she’s pretty.” Jack was up, dancing around in a stupid “love dance” singing his words. Goofball.

“Yes, she’s pretty…now stop.”

‘You’re no fun.”

“I know. Where’s your bike? Let’s go see Miss Gizzardhiney.”

Nick hushed Jack with a finger to his lips as they approached Solana’s home. Their first view was of Rosalie running around in circles, making herself dizzy and falling into a giggling heap. The next view was of Solana’s Gizzardhiney, er…bottom sticking up in the air as she tended to her garden. Much nicer view.

Jack giggled, as only a Gigglebrain can and slowly got off his bike, following Nick’s lead. They quietly walked along her front path to where she was working and just stood and silently watched her pick weeds, toss them into an awaiting wheel barrow and begin again. Finally, Nick broke the silence.

“So! Whatcha doin’ Snotty Gizzardhiney!?”

Jack was almost on his butt laughing. Nick played into his sensibilities perfectly. Yeah, it was silly. Isn’t that what being an 8 yr. old boy is all about? He remembered. He loved that age. Missed it. Might as well capture some of its fun through Jack. He seemed willing enough to share.

“What!? What’d you call…” Hiking up on her feet, Solana turned around, making a quick check for Rosalie. “Oh for God’s sake…it’s you!”

“Yep…Zippy Gigglebuns at your service.” Nick saluted her and bent over to pick up Jack who had indeed fallen on his behind. “You’re no help here, Poopsie.”

“Poopsie!? And what’s Poopsie’s last name?” Solana looked at Jack whose laughter immediately stopped. Poopsie Gigglebrains. How stupid.

Nick knocked Jack’s arm and laughed. “Come on, Poops…tell her your name.”

Mumbling, Jack finally fessed up. Whose idea was this anyway? “Gigglebrains.”

“Hmm?? I don’t think I heard you, Poopsie.”

“Gigglebrains! Gigglebrains, Gigglebrains, Gigglebrains! There…I’m Poopsie Gigglebrains.”

Trying not to crack up herself, Solana looked up to Nick and put two and two together. And smiled at the sum. “He’s Gigglebrains and you’re Gigglebuns!? Oh that’s perfect!”

“Oh shaddup, you. At least I’m not a chicken stomach butt.”

Shaking her head, Solana took off her gloves and tossed them on the porch. “You here for any real reason or just out to torment people?”

“Just torment. Jack here thought you’d like your name. Dared me to use it.”

“Ah, and what did you win for the dare, Jack?”

His eyes popped open when he realized they hadn’t put anything on the line. “Uh…I didn’t think of that!”

“Wait…now, I did the dare…he doesn’t get anything. I should win something for humiliating myself.”

“How ‘bout a glass of lemonade?”

The boys looked at each other and quickly accepted. It was damned hot and she lived at the top of a slight incline. They were pooped. Poopsie and pooped.

“Come on guys. Rosalie! Time to go inside, baby.”

Rosalie fell to the ground one more time, still giggling at her dizziness and tried to get up a bit too soon. Falling again, she no longer saw the humor in the situation and started to cry. Hard.

“I’ve got her, Miss Romero.” Jack took off without blinking an eye and scooped up the small child. “Oooh…you’re heavier than Amy.”

“She’s older, sweetie…you sure you’ve got her?”

“Yep…just don’t stop. Open the door!”

“So, boys. Besides reading Professor Poopypants, what have you been doing this afternoon?”

“Just that. Ben ditched Nick.”

Nick shot a glare over to Jack, hoping to keep that little tidbit from her. When Jack shrunk back, thinking Nick was seriously angry, Nick retracted his minor frustration with a wink. Everything was major with these kids. Frustration was seen as anger. Mild humor was wickedly funny. A small meal was a great feast. General affection was cause for a lifetime love affair. It was interesting to watch. And frustrating to remember.

“He ditched you? You had an appointment and he skipped out, Nick?” Looking to the kitchen chairs to invite them to sit down, Solana brought over a tray of lemonade and a plate of cookies. Miss Domesticity. Nothing like the tight-lipped business woman he saw at the center. Of course, neither was the writhing sex pot he’d seen at the club either. He loved the complexity. Beat the dim bimbos he’d been prone to be drawn to as of late.

“Uh, yeah…I was gonna take him to IMAX. Maybe he just forgot.”

“Ben wouldn’t forget IMAX. He loves the movies. Never gets to go.”

Nick shrugged trying to play it off, and Jack sat in silent amazement. Nick was lying for Ben. He’d been nothing short of a jerk every time Nick was around, slashed the man’s tires, and yes, Jack saw the size of check Nick had to write to pay for it, and he even promised not to tell Miss Romero if Ben would simply cooperate and work off the money. Nick should have been slamming him up against a wall and here he was lying for him. Jack wasn’t sure to be impressed or incensed. He figured impressed was probably the right way to go. No one stood up for or lied for any of them before, especially not for Ben.

“Well, we’ll talk to him about it. That’s not acceptable behavior. You’ve wasted your afternoon because of his irresponsibility.”

“I don’t see it as a waste, Lani.” Well, that felt nice. Seeing Jack’s face change again as he called her by her informal name was almost worth anything. Let his little mind wander. “I’ve been with Jack and now…I’m havin’ lemonade with you. Doesn’t feel like a waste.”

“I appreciate that, but…I can’t allow it. I’ll speak to him.”

“Lani, please don’t. He’s angry with me already. We’ll work it out alone.”

“What’s he angry about?”

“Don’t worry about it…we’ll work it out.”

“Nick…”

“Lani…”

Looking to Jack for some help, the boy simply shrugged. He wasn’t going to rat on his brother. Not unless he saw some personal benefit in it and right now, there didn’t seem to be any. “I know nuttin’.”

Solana did not like the feel of this. Ben had obviously done something stupid. Why was Nick covering for him? She needed to get to the bottom of this. And honestly, it might be the door she needed to get into his head about with this situation with another man Nick had mentioned. She couldn’t break the trust between them and just ask him. It had to be eked out in a benign conversation. This might be her key.

“Jack, why don’t you take Rosalie into the room and find Sesame Street or Blue’s Clues on TV. Nick and I need to talk.”

“Yeah, sure…” Jack looked to Nick apologetically, knowing from first-hand experience that whenever Miss Romero wanted something, she got it. Now, she was going to get Nick to fess up. Picking Rosalie out of the high chair, he yakked away as they made their way into the family room.

“He’s a neat kid. I don’t know how they can be so together in such a broken place.”

“They have no choice. At his age, he’s still wanting to make adults happy. He and Liz both. But once puberty starts, like with Ben and Kitty, they don’t care so much. They see adults not caring, so they don’t either.”

“But, Ben’s good too. He just…” Nick stopped, not sure of his words…not sure if he was completely convinced of them. Realizing that they applied to him as well, he had to admit it.

“He just what, Nick?”

“He just doesn’t know it yet.”

“So what happened?”

“Lani, I’m afraid I’ll break trust with him. I told him if he cooperated, I’d keep it quiet. He did. Just…let us work it out, huh?”

“But, Nick, he ditched an appointment and that’s directly against the rules set up for him. You’re not doing him any favors in protecting him on this.”

“I’m not doing us any favors by telling on him when I promised I wouldn’t either.”

Solana peeked into the family room to make sure Rosalie and Jack were okay and then invited Nick out back. Sitting down, she motioned for him to join her. “Look, I get that. I respect that, but you both have to hold up your end of the bargain. He blew it, so any promises you made are null and void.”

“But you didn’t need to know it. I’m just afraid…”

“What?”

“Look, I feel like I’ve built some sort of relationship with him. I’m not sure, because what he did…well, it shocked me. But I handled it fine and I think, if you just let this go, we’ll be okay.”

“I’m sorry, Nick. I’m going to have to pull rank. As his social worker, I must know. I’ll take the blame if he freaks. Besides, this might open the door to talk to him about that man who messed with him…without breaking trust again.”

She had a point there. That needed to be discussed with a professional and he knew that she wasn’t going to come out and say, “Hey, kid…Nick told me some guy messed with you. What up with that?” No, she’d gracefully get it out of him and no one would be the wiser. Dammit, he had to talk.

“Okay, you win. But, really, I think I handled it fine.”

“Then where is he today?”

Nothing. He had no fight left. She was right. As right as his ‘discipline’ for Ben was, obviously the kid was still fighting. “I hate that you’re always right.”

“Not always, just usually.”

“Alright, Miss Gizzardhiney…when we were out to dinner that night, he slashed my tires. Expensive bastards too. So, next time we met, I took him up to a car dealership. Buddy of mine owns it and his landscaper had just quit on him. Told Ben that since he liked messing with knives so much, he could put it to good use. Made him trim all the bushes around the dealership to sort of pay me back.”

“Oh wow…that was good.”

“Thanks. Not bad for a Gigglebuns.”

“Why do you think he slashed the tires though?”

“That one is outta my league. All I know is I thought making him work off the money would do him some good.”

“And you were right. That was an excellent plan.” She sat back to think about it all. Get to the why’s of Ben’s behavior. “You felt everything was good that night before hand?”

“Yeah, it really was. With all of ‘em. I mean, he bitched at me about stuff, but he always did it.”

“Do you think…” She continued mulling it through her head, weighing his previous behavior with Nick’s personality…or what she could see of it. “…that he was jealous of how well you got along with the others?”

“Hmm…never thought about that.” Nick sat back and ran through some scenarios of their times together. Trying to conjure up comments Ben had made about things. And then, he remembered one. “You know, the first time I was at his house, he caught me and Jack shooting hoops. Made some snotty comment about it.”

“Yep. See, Jack and Liz’s dad is still around now and again. He and Kitty’s hasn’t been seen nor heard from since they were babies.”

“And Amy?”

“No idea who her daddy is. It’s not Jack and Liz’s anyway.”

“Nice.”

“This is their reality, Nick.”

Shaking his head and finishing off his lemonade, he looked over to her. So strong a woman, yet so sensitive to understand these kid’s worlds. “Well, it’s a shitty reality then.”

“Yes, it is. But some of us break free from it.”

“You!?”

“To a degree, yeah. That’s why I’m here. Never knew my dad, have a list of ‘uncles’ longer than Santa’s bad boy list. Moved over and over and over ‘til we ended up here in Tampa. Then I turn around and did the same thing Mama did.”

“And that is?”

“Got my ass knocked up by a bastard. Starting the cycle all over again.”

“Yeah, but look at the life you’re giving Rosalie. This is paradise compared to the Casey’s.”

“Because I insist on it being that for her.”

“Patty could too.”

“Well, I had a strong Mama. She slept around too much, but she was a strong woman. I bet Patty didn’t have that. Makes a difference.”

“So who’s gonna make a difference to these kids? Who’s gonna break the cycle for them?”

“Maybe it’s going to be you, Nick.”

“Where the hell have you two been?”

Nick and Jack brought their bikes into the back yard, exchanging glances at Ben’s snotty inquisition. Where had they been? Where had he been!?

“Where does it look like we’ve been, Moron? We were riding bikes.” Brothers could be so loving. Although, this relationship was one he couldn’t relate to at all. He and Aaron fought, but not with the anger these two did.

“Mmm…I’m surprised Mom’s bike held you, Nick.” Ben dribbled the basketball and shot. Made it.

“You got a problem, Ben?” Nick wasn’t going to take this shit from the kid. Maybe he was only 22, but he was an adult and Ben was a kid. If for no other reason than that, Ben was going to treat him respectfully.

“Yeah, I got a problem. I come home and Kitty tells me MY mentor is out palling around with my brother.” Another shot. Another basket.

“How long were you gonna make me wait on you? I do have other things I could be doing, you know.” Nick grabbed the rebound and shot it from under the hoop. Made it. Too bad neither of them were having fun.

“Yeah, takin’ my brother on a joy ride on a Schwinn. Real important.”

Grabbing the rebound again, Nick stuck the ball under his arm and bore his eyes into Ben’s. “Do you have homework?”

“Did it.”

“Good…is your mom home?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because obviously you have something to say to me and you probably need to eat.” Tossing the ball to the smart alec, he snickered when it caught him off guard. “Kill two birds with one stone.”

“Is HE coming with us?” He looked to his brother with such venom, it downright frightened Nick. But he couldn’t show it. And honestly, it didn’t seem to phase Jack. He must have been used to it.

Looking apologetically to Jack, Nick shook his head. “No, Ben. Jack’s gonna stay home now. Just you and me.” Solana had been right. The kid was jealous.

“Why do still keep comin’ by? I’m sure you’ve fucked Miss Romero enough by now that you can sweet talk yourself into getting someone else to buy off your jail time.”

Without a word, Nick walked inside to find Patty. He heard words between the brothers but decided to let them fight it out. He didn’t know what was keeping him from punching Ben right in the face, but he was grateful for whatever resolve was washing over him. Acting on instinct would be no good right now.

Getting permission from her, he walked out, said goodbye to Jack, calling him Gigglebrains one more time for effect and walked to his car.

When he realized he was not being followed, he stopped and turned to the insolent teen. “You comin’?”

“Why are you doing this? Why won’t you just get the hell out of my life?”

“Right now, that’s not a safe question to ask me. Just get in the truck, Ben.” He walked around to the drivers side, asking himself the same question. Why was he doing this? Mumbling once more, more for his benefit than Ben’s, “Just get in.”

Neither spoke as Nick drove them out of the small, run-down town. Nick was still fuming at Ben’s remark about Solana but knew the more he reacted to it, the stronger ammunition it’d give the kid. Besides, Nick was still trying to put words together to not only make Ben listen, but possibly to have some kind of impact. He’d never been too good with words, but this felt important enough to give it his best shot.

When they pulled into the parking lot, Ben finally looked up from his point of concentration on his lap. “What if I don’t like Chili’s?”

“Then I guess you go hungry.” Not another word was said, as Nick plopped his ball cap on his head and got out. Ben didn’t budge. Looking at the truck and wanting to lock the doors, Nick knocked on the window and motioned for Ben to get out. He still didn’t budge.

Nick walked around to Ben’s side of the truck, counting to ten to help him calm down. “I’m gonna kill this kid before my year’s up.” He opened the door and held out his hand as if escorting a lady on a date. “You need help out of the car, Miss?”

That got him moving…but just his head as he it whipped around to shoot daggers of fire from his eyes. “I’m not getting out.”

“You know, I expect this shit from Liz. Although I don’t see her pulling it on me. Get out of the truck.”

“No. I want you to take me home.”

“Free dinner.”

Nothing.

“I’ll let you smoke.”

Ah, there we go. A softening. Ben pulled his ball cap down over his eyes, just like Nick was in a habit of doing, and finally got out of the truck. Silently, they made their way inside and were greeted by the ever-so chipper hostess.

“Good evening. Two for dinner? Smoking or non?”

“Non.”

Ben shot another glare at Nick, smacking his arm. “You said I could smoke!”

“I lied. Non-smoking, please.” Feeling Ben’s stance firm up and not want to follow the hostess, Nick took hold of his arm and gently pulled him along. “Come on…don’t cause a scene.”

Nick smiled appreciatively at the hostess as she gave them their menus and began spouting off the daily specials. Ben sat with his arms crossed, looking at the tile in the table as though it had some secret mystery locked inside. Once she left, his gaze finally met with Nick’s.

“I hate you.”

“Sorry to hear that. Pick up the menu and decide what you want.”

“Eat me.”

“Nope. Tonight it’s a burger.”

Nick buried his attentions to the menu and let Ben seethe. Aaron could get this way with him and he’d learned that not catering to it was typically the best way to go. Smiling to himself when he saw Ben finally grab at the menu and open it, Nick sat back and twirled the drink specials display around on the table. Finally, he spoke.

“So, where were you today?”

“None of your business.”

“Yeah, it is my business because we had an appointment. You owe me and Miss Romero an explanation.”

“You didn’t tell her…”

“No, but we rode by her house. She’s not stupid.”

“Fuck.”

Nick let him seethe and squirm a bit more, giving him time to decide whether he was going to talk or not. It was a real battle of wills.

“I wasn’t anywhere, man. I just went to Steve’s.”

“Did you forget or were you avoiding me?”

“I was pissed. Didn’t want to see you.”

“Fair enough. I get that way too sometimes.”

Ben looked to Nick, amazed anyone could relate to his feelings. Especially this anyone. “You do?”

“Oh hell yeah…the guys in the group. My god, we’d get so sick of each other. Angry. But, we had to keep doing what we do.”

“Yeah, but that was your job.”

“And as far as you’re concerned this is yours. School and your obligations to the court. Which is me.”

“Lucky me.”

“Right now, the feeling’s mutual.”

Ben looked down again, hating how Nick was somehow able to knock him off of his high horse. He never saw it coming…he was just on the ground wondering what hit. “Did you nark about the tires?”

“Miss Romero knows now.”

“You told me you wouldn’t tell her if I cooperated. I cooperated.”

“And you ditched me today. Had you shown up, she would have never known. I fought telling her, Ben, I really did.”

“Why?”

“Because I promised you I wouldn’t say anything. I hate dishonesty. Been dealt it too damned much.”

“I feel that.”

At just the perfect moment to break up the pending serious tone of the conversation, the waitress returned to take their orders and bring drinks. She was sickeningly sweet and Ben had a difficult time not busting up right in front of her. Scolding with his eyes once she left, Nick couldn’t keep the smile from his voice or his face. “Stop it, man…she’s just doin’ her job.”

“She’s a geek.”

“Okay, yeah…but you’re gonna upset her.”

“She’ll live.”

“Why are you so hard on people, huh? Okay, she’s goofy lookin’ and a bit too happy about waiting tables at Chili’s but at least she’s workin’…”

“True…I dunno. Some people are just so easy.”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you easy to make fun of?”

“Obviously. Look at me. What do you see?”

“Someone who’s not as tough as he thinks he is.”

“So are we going to IMAX after this?”

“Uh, no.”

“No?”

“No. You blew it, Ben. You’re lucky you’re getting dinner out of this.”

“You know, for a drunk, you sure don’t cut me any slack.”

“Okay, that’s it.” Nick slammed his fork on his plate and shot an angry glare to Ben, who couldn’t have been the least bit ruffled by it. “You saw me drunk. You saw me stupid. You’ve one upped me. BUT…”

“But?…” Ben kept shoveling onion rings into his mouth, hardly blinking, hardly caring, at least by outward appearances. He’d pissed off the pop star. It was entertaining.

“But, since that night I’ve not slipped. With you, with myself, with the courts, with my job.”

“You’re my hero.”

“I’m not trying to be anybody’s hero, dammit. All I’m asking is for you to hold up your end of this deal. Why make it miserable for both of us?”

“Why make it easy on you?”

“Why not learn something in this mess, huh? Tell me something…”

“What?”

“Why’d you break into the school? You weren’t stealing anything, were you?”

“No…we just…I dunno. I hate school and all it stands for. I was pissed and…it seemed like a good thing to do. Go make a mess. Fuck up someone’s day and have to clean everything up.”

“Get attention.”

“Yeah, that too…that’s what Miss Romero always says.” Ben shrugged and stole a few onion rings from Nick’s plate. “I usually hate attention though.”

“Certain kinds of it.”

Ben couldn’t argue with that. How’d he know anyway?

“I’m the same way, man. Get me on stage. Thousands of people screaming my name. God…there’s nothing like it.”

“See, that scares the shit outta me. Just thinking about it.”

“It’s the best high in the world. But, put me in a room with strangers. Especially gawkin’ ones…like…” Nick looked around with out looking too much. “Okay, my 4 o’clock.”

“Oooh…that blonde one’s cute.”

“She’s a fan. That shit drives me nuts. Even though she’s behind me, I have felt her starin’ at me since we sat down. That kind of attention? I can live without it.”

“Now, that I’d like. Knowing someone is interested in you…”

“Nope. She’s interested in who she thinks I am. Not me. Not Nick. I hate it.”

“At least she’s interested.”

“But see, she’s not. And you do stupid shit so people will be interested in you. So they’ll notice you. But they’re not going to notice you for the right reasons. They won’t know you, they’ll just know what you’ve done.”

Damn, that was good. Why hadn’t he thought this through for himself? It made perfect sense. When he wasn’t on stage, he still wanted to be applauded, so he made himself the center of attention for whatever was cool at the moment. In a club, it was getting drunk. Chasing women. Bringing a few home. He was the stud. Just like on stage. And in the morning, he was empty.

“How do you feel the day after you do something like that?”

“Depends on if I got caught or not.”

“Really? Inside…not what you show Steve and…what’s the other one’s name?”

“Rod. I guess I feel…” Ben shrugged. How the hell did he know how he felt? Seemed like he felt like he did every day whether he did something stupid the day before or not. He felt empty. Unwanted. Unloved. Unappreciated. Every day of his life. “…the same as I do every day.”

“So did it make a difference? Is it worth it?”

“Have you seen Mr. Frissora mad?”

“Uh, no…”

“Well, until you do, you don’t know what good is. He’s so great to piss off. The look on his face is always worth it.”

Nick wasn’t amused. Smacking Ben’s hand as he tried to steal a few more rings, Nick shook his head. “I’m not done. Order dessert or somethin’.”

“Ooh…can I?”

“I get two bites. Quit stealin’ my food, man.”

Did Nick just see a smile? No way. And he gave one back. But, he wasn’t done. He had a few ground rules to lay down. He wasn’t going to take Ben’s generally crappy attitude with him anymore.

“Okay, so here’s the bottom line.” They were back at Ben’s house, dusk settling around them while they shot hoops and swatted at mosquitoes.

“Yeah, what?” Ben watched as Nick’s shot hit the rim and bounced off, right into his arms. “You suck, you know that?”

“Yep. I do.” Watching Ben’s shot go up and in the hoop, Nick shook his head. Damned kid. “You don’t…”

“I’m out here a lot. Mom drives me nuts.”

“They’re good at that.” Nick jogged up for a lay-up and made it. Finally. Tossing the ball to Ben, he continued. “Now, I’m gonna drive you nuts. I’m sick of your mouth, Ben. The tires? Yeah, pissed me off. Ooh, almost.” Retrieving the rebound, Nick shot from under the hoop again and made it.

“Come away from the basket, old man. No wonder you’re making it.”

He tossed the ball to Ben with force, again knocking him off guard. “Wake up, boy. And pay attention to me for a minute.”

Ben quit dribbling and looked up to Nick. For once. They rarely shared eye contact, but when they did, both of them quit breathing for a second. Their physical similarities were so frightening. It meant nothing other than they felt like they were looking in the mirror. It wasn’t always something they wanted to see.

“Thanks…okay, the tires? We worked it out. You have to earn my trust back with that one, but I’m talkin’ about the comments…the thing you said about me and Miss Romero, me bein’ a drunk…that shit’s gotta stop.”

“What’d I say about Miss Romero? I like her.” Asking with his eyes if he could shoot again, he did when he got the nod from Nick. As usual, by the end of their time together, they had a groove down. Would it last this time though?

“Then don’t be talkin’ smack on her and me.”

“Well, you’re fuckin’ her aren’t you?” Ben dug the ball out from an opening in the fence and tossed it to Nick. “We keepin’ score or anything?”

“I’m not…and I’m not fuckin’ Miss Romero for God’s sake. Oh yeah…three points.”

“You’re not!? Man, I coulda sworn…why not? She’s hotter than hell!”

“Yeah, she’s that alright, but no…I’m not…I’m not with anybody right now.”

“No way…big pop star. You’ve gotta be fuckin’ somebody. Just someone new all the time, right?”

“No…you’re sick, you know?”

“Come on…who you doin’?”

“My hand. Period.”

Ben stopped dribbling the ball and looked to Nick trying to decide whether to laugh or not. He couldn’t tell if he was being serious and if he wasn’t…was it funny? He didn’t have a girl? All the time? He just figured that came with the package.

“Well, I’ll be damned. I just figured you drank and fucked your way through life. There’s your three points, old man.”

Jogging up to get the ball, Nick did another easy lay-up from under the basket. “Can't solve all your problems by having a tit and a bottle to suck on.* That game ends when you’re a baby.” So why hadn’t he behaved that way in the past 20 odd years? Damn, he was as screwed up as this kid.

“Still…nice to have one…or two…or four. Gimme the ball.”

“Oh, like you’d know.” Toss. Hard.

“Oof…easy, man. And you’re right, I wouldn’t, but damn, I’d sure like to find out.”

“Trust me, it doesn’t make life any easier. Complicates it. And that’s what I mean, Ben…you gotta quit just tossing people off as something to use. Miss Romero can’t be someone you use to piss me off.”

Ben stopped mid aim and looked to Nick. He hadn’t thought about it that way.

“You said the first time we met that it seemed like people were only interested in you if they could get something from you.”

“Yeah…”

“Well, maybe because you do the same thing. You use people to get to other people. Use their faults or what you think they might be. I’m not a drunk, Ben. That argument isn’t gonna work with me anymore.”

“Sure seems to piss you off.”

“Because it’s not true…and you’re not going to do it anymore. You’re going to show up for our meetings, you’re going to at least try to have a good time, and you’re going to keep your delinquent games to times with your delinquent friends…not with me…you got it?”

“Or???”

“Or, I’m done. And I had some really cool shit for us to do this year, but you’ve got to earn it first. Some of it requires trust and right now, I don’t trust you.”

“And I’m supposed to get that back? How?”

“I just told you, Ben. Quit fighting me. Quit ragging on me and the people who are trying to get you out of this hellhole you’re in. Let me see you try like I have. That’s all I’m askin’.”

“So pretend I give a damn?”

“If that’s what I just said means to you, then yeah. Pretend you give a damn.”

“I still don’t see what difference it makes.”

“Because, if you pretend good enough, maybe you finally will.”

And sometimes, pretending failed. Even for adults. For all of his proselytizing and fancy speeches, Nick was showing himself to be a first class hypocrite. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe what he’d been telling Ben, but somehow maybe he was just immune to it. He deserved a night out. And honestly, admitting that the only partner he’d had in quite some time was his own hand, well…that had to be stopped.

So, out he went and drunk off his ass he got. And to make the night complete, here he was, slamming himself into the body of some nameless female who probably thought she’d be the one to turn him to monogamy, maturity and, God forbid, morality.

His head throbbed from the excessive alcohol he’d consumed and he was quickly growing tired from the marathon session he’d had with the beauty beneath him. She was a wild one to be sure, but as usual, she had that glazed look in her eye that said “love”. Oh yeah, after she blew him in the cab and he took her home, he’d give it all up and make her his. Hardly.

Finally getting out of his head, he looked down to the blonde and tried to focus in on her. Something was wrong when the first pussy you got in over a month wasn’t enough to keep your attention for the whole deed. What was happening to him? Outside of the stage, this was his stage. He loved sex. He was good at sex. He had lots of sex. But suddenly, he was bored with it all.

“Look at me, Nicky. Cum with me.”

Okay, he was a normal guy. Talk to him that way and he’d focus in alright. Pounding her harder, he finally felt the end nearing and he did as asked and bore his eyes into hers, feeling her walls clamp around him, filling her, emptying himself. Yes, emptying himself. As usual…

…pretending didn’t always work.

“Why aren’t you ready?” Nick ran a hand through his hair and groaned. Every strand hurt. Every movement in the room cause a dull thud to sound through his head. This dump of a house had never been so noisy before, had it?

“Because Amy spilled her cereal and I had to clean it up. Keep your pants on.”

Where were you last night with that lovely bit of advice? “Just hurry up, okay? I wanna get out of here.”

“Finding my other shoe…” Ben crawled on the floor, pulling clothes, Lego’s, beat up stuffed animals and homework papers from underneath, finally shouting in victory. “Woohoo! There it is!”

“Jesus, Ben…keep it down, huh?” Nick rubbed his eyes and plastered on a smile to Patty who had been sizing him up a bit more than usual. She was certainly coherent this morning. And what the hell had gotten into Ben? Sure he had improved his attitude a bit since their discussion, and since Miss Romero met with him, but this chipper, perky shit. Where did that come from? Naturally it’d show up the day Nick had a hang-over from hell.

“Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

“Got your book?”

“Oh…hang on…” Flipping back the blanket on his bed, Ben found his backpack and grabbed it, giving his mom a kiss on his way to the door. “Now I’m ready.”

“God, you’re gonna do me in.”

“What’s up your ass anyway?”

“Right now…that’d be you. What are we studying today?”

“Math.”

“Of course. Math.”

“We’re getting coffee first.”

“Whatever. You don’t look so good.”

“Thanks. Neither do you. You want somethin’?” Nick pulled his truck into the drive-thru and looked to his charge wondering how long it had been since the kid had washed his hair.

“Vanilla Crème and a cappuccino.”

“Cappuccino???”

“Yeah…so?”

“God…okay. Pulling all the way up to the window, Nick groaned when the clerk’s voice crackled through the speaker.

“Can I help you?”

“Mmm…yeah. Large coffee, 2 vanilla crèmes and a large cappuccino.”

“Flavor?”

“Huh?”

“What flavor of cappuccino do you want? Hazelnut or French Vanilla.”

Jesus…it’s sissy coffee…who cares? “French Vanilla!” Ben yelled across the truck and mirrored Nick’s glare. What a pain in the ass he was this morning.

“Yeah…that.”

Handing the bag to Ben, Nick scolded as he immediately dug in. “Just wait ‘til we get to the center, huh?”

“Why?”

“Cuz I don’t want you sloppin’ crème all over my truck…just hang on. We’re almost there.”

Slamming back into his seat, Ben asked sarcastically, “Can I drink my cap yet, Daddy or do I have to wait for that too?”

“Go ahead…burn your damned tongue off. I don’t care.”

Nick ignored his own advice and brought the hot coffee to his lips and pulled back with a start, jerking the steering wheel and splashing a bit on his leg. “Oh fuck!”

“Smooth move. Burn your damned tongue off?” Ben grabbed a napkin from the bag and handed it to Nick who was busy waving in apology to the car he’d jerked in front of and trying to steady his shaky hand enough to put his cup in the holder.

“Just shut up, okay? Don’t talk ‘til we get to the center.”

“Yeah, yeah…you need to come with a warning label, man. I’d have slept in had I known you were gonna be such a jerk this morning.”

“Okay, what do you have today?”

Ben pulled out his math book and a very ripped and worn folder, slamming them on the table. Grimacing, Nick slid his chair across the concrete floor and sat down, immediately connecting his head with his hand. This was going to be a long morning…afternoon…what time was it anyway?

“Algebra. I don’t get some of this stuff.”

This was Miss Romero’s discipline from Ben’s absence and the tire slashing. Problem was, Nick felt a bit punished too. Especially this morning. Afternoon. Whatever. No fun and games for a few meetings. Cooperative school work. Get his grades up a bit to end the school year, focus Ben on what’s important and insist that the two communicate under a controlled setting. Neither were happy, but no one wanted to be there less than Nick did at the moment.

“Algebra…Christ. She has no idea what an idiot I was in math…okay, this oughta be good.”

“How long do we have to do this before we can shoot some hoops?”

“’Til it’s done, Ben. You know how it works. We did this last time.”

“Yeah, but that was English. I like English.”

“Same rules.”

As Ben found the right page in his book, Nick dug out a tin of pills from his pocket. Fumbling for two, he popped them in his mouth and chugged back a bit of his coffee, sighing as it warmed him and mildly eased his aching head.

“What the hell was that?”

“Tylenol…you find your page, yet?”

“What’s wrong with you today? You act like you’re….wait a minute….”

“What?”

“You’re hung over Mr. I’m-getting-better-so-why-don’t-you. You went on a bender last night!”

Acting as though he’d not heard a word out of Ben’s mouth, he pulled the math book closer to him and looked at the page. “Okay, x=5 and y=4. What problems do you have to do?”

“All of ‘em…you just gonna ignore me?”

“I’m not the one with homework here, you are…get to it.”

Seeing that he wasn’t budging, Ben sighed in resolve and looked at the book. “These first ones are easy. Let me do those and then…number 4. What are those little 2’s there for?”

“x2y2. That means x squared times y squared, doesn’t it?”

“Oh…yeah…hang on.” Ben jotted down the answers to the first three questions with ease and looked at number 4 again. And looked and looked. Giving up, he looked up at Nick who had since laid his head on the table. Popping him on the head with the back of his hand, and snapped, “Hey, teacher. I’m stuck.”

“Mmm? Yeah…you ready for the next one?” He had to get it together. His head throbbed, his legs throbbed from the constant…yeah…and thinking about that made his crotch throb. It was official. Today sucked.

“No…I forget what squared means.” Nothing. Nick didn’t even blink. “Nick!” Ben clapped his hands in front of the older man’s face.

Jerking himself out of his self-appointed pity party, Nick looked at Ben and fell right into the conversation as though he’d never left. “Times itself. Four times four, five times five.”

“Oh…that’s all it is?”

“Yep.”

“Okay…so, 5 squared is um…5 x 5 is, um…” counting off the fives on his fingers, he got his answer. “25, and 4 x 4 is….8….12…16…and then what do I do?”

“You didn’t know those answers by heart?”

“No…I can’t memorize ‘em very good.”

“You should know your multiplication tables by now, Ben.”

“I know…I hate math.”

“Me too, but you gotta know this stuff. Okay, so what’d you have? 25 and 16?”

“Yeah…”

“Plug ‘em into the problem there.”

“16 x 25?”

“Yep. Write it out.”

“God…I hate multiplying big numbers like this.”

“These aren’t that big, Ben…”

“Then you do it.”

“I already graduated…your turn.” Offering a cheesy grin, Nick glanced at the book and groaned. 30 questions and they were putzing around on number four. Today not only sucked, but it was going to last forever.

By question #12, Nick had had enough. Ben’s lack of knowledge of basic multiplication was slowing him down and Nick’s throbbing, although slowly improving headache was making him impatient. When Ben had to solve x2y4 and got stuck at 64 X 4, because for the second time in the problem he couldn’t remember what 6 x 4 was, Nick angrily stood and paced.

“Twenty four, Ben…twenty four.”

“Okay, okay…damn, I’m trying here.”

“I just don’t see how you can get through math without knowing this stuff by heart.”

“I don’t ‘get through’ math. I’ve had D’s most of the year.”

“You need to know this…okay, um…” Nick started looking around the empty center, wondering if there was something in amongst the books and games that he could use to help motivate the kid. Seeing Solana’s office door open, he peeked in. She always had a stash of something for the kids in that desk of hers.

Following him into the office, Ben scolded. Ironic. “Miss Romero’s gonna kill you if she knows you’re in here.”

“Eh, she’ll get over it. Ah-ha!” Seeing a stack of various flash cards on her shelf, he dug through them until he found a set for multiplication. “Okay…grab a basketball.”

“What?”

“Grab a basketball. We’re goin’ outside.”

He wasn’t going to ask twice. Ben jogged over to the bin where the outside balls were kept and grabbed his favorite one. “What are we doin’, man?”

“We’re doin’ math…come on.”

Ben followed Nick outside, dribbling the ball as he went wondering how this was doing his homework. He wasn’t complaining, but…

“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. You can dribble the ball hand to hand, right?”

Ben showed him quickly, still wondering what was up.

“Good. Okay, keep that rhythm going. Starting at the one’s I want you to just chant the stuff out and you dribble the ball back and forth. One times one is one, bounce. One times two is two, bounce. One times…and so on.”

“Ones are easy…”

“I know, but trust me…you’ll need the practice. Don’t break unless it’s between problems. Keep the rhythm going. That helps you memorize stuff.”

“It does?”

“Yep. You need to memorize the basic stuff here or your head will explode. Toss me the ball.”

Ben did and Nick started the rhythm himself, and continued to explain the ‘game’. “Okay, if you get all the way through ten in one set, you shoot a basket.” Nick turned, shot the ball and made it. Nice effect.

“Cool. And if I don’t?”

“You run and dribble around the court, keeping the one in your head you missed and come back and start that set again ‘til you go one through ten without breaking your rhythm.”

“Nines suck. I’ll always get stuck at the end.”

“Then you’ll be runnin’ a lot.” Nick tossed the ball back to Ben and he absent mindedly began the rhythm.

“This sucks.”

“You were havin’ fun in there?”

“No…”

“Then start multiplyin’. When the numbers get higher, I’ll use the flash cards so you don’t lose track of what number you’re on.”

“Okay, I think I’m ready.”

Nick snapped his fingers, helping Ben keep a steady rhythm. “One and two and ready and go!”

“One times one is one. One times two is two…” Ben finished through the ones without so much as a thought. “Woohoo! I did it!”

“Yep…good. Now take a shot.” Nick watched as the ball slid through the hoop without even nicking the rim. Snapping his fingers in rhythm again to get Ben going, he smiled as the boy picked it up right away.

“Two times one is two. Two times two is four.” With a small slow down before he started two times nine, he did that one without a hitch.

“Two’s are done…take two shots.”

“Cool!” Free throw and lay-up. Both in the hoop.

And the pattern continued, occasionally slowing down when he neared the 8’s and 9’s but Ben made it through the three’s effortlessly as well.

“Three shots…you’ve got it.”

“Yeah, but I suck at fours.”

“Then you’ll be runnin’. Want the cards?”

“Nope, not yet. Let me try.”

Ben started the fours and Nick was amazed. This was the most energy he’d seen in the kid since their first meeting. And miraculously, his headache was almost gone as well. Could it be? Could it possibly be an entire meeting that went well?

“Dammit!” Apparently not.

“What?”

“I missed 4 x 7…it’s 28, damn, damn, damn.”

“Yup…take a jog and just get that one in your head…work ahead if you can so you won’t blow it.”

“Ugh…” Ben started dribbling the ball around the perimeter of the court quietly chanting his final set of 4’s to himself. When he got back he was out of breath, but ready to continue. “I start again?”

“Yep…one, two, ready, go…four times one is…”

“Eight times eight is…” Bounce. Bounce. “…is…” Bounce. Bounce. “ARGH! Why can’t I remember that one???”

Nick had to laugh. Ben wasn’t doing too bad at all, really. His frustration coming at appropriately frustrating times and his joy being sincere. The first Nick had ever seen. “I don’t know…stop dribbling.”

Ben grabbed the ball and tossed it to Nick. “I’m getting tired.”

“Get through 8’s and we’ll get lunch. What’s 8 x 8?”

“Sixty four! Sixty stinkin’ four! Why can’t I get it?”

“Cuz it’s not in your head enough, yet. It will be.” Nick started dribbling the ball hand to hand himself, giving Ben a breather. “You want the flash cards on these?”

“Yeah…let’s use those. But, I feel like I’m cheating.”

“That’s stopped you before?”

Ben smiled through his glare. “No, but…I dunno. I guess I’ve gotten this far. I wanna go all the way without the cards.”

“Next time…you’re doin’ great, Ben…”

The two sets of blue eyes met and Nick stopped bouncing the ball.

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because I sucked at math too and this kind of thing helped me remember stuff. It’s not gonna get easier…”

“…yeah, yeah…but why do you care? No one cares about me.”

“Miss Romero does. And so does Barry. They think we make a good team now.”

“And you?”

“I think they may be right.”

“You have a good meeting with Miss Romero?”

Nick knew the positive meeting from the previous weekend was too good to be true. Ben’s attitude was back, as was his annoying silence. Another long afternoon stood before him and he was growing weary of all the effort it was taking just to get this kid to be generally polite. Scruffing Ben’s hair as he hiked up into the truck, Nick turned back to the center’s door when he thought he heard his name.

“Un momento, Nick…do you mind?”

“Nope…” Nick got Ben’s attention through the window and tried a smile to ease the look of concern when Ben saw who was delaying their meeting. Jogging over to his new, dare he say…friend, he looked back one more time to check on Ben. “What’s up?”

“Go easy on him today, huh?”

“He okay?”

“No…I got the ‘incident’ out of him. At least a little. He’s very angry he talked about it with anyone.”

“Oh man…okay.” Running a hand through his hair and checking back yet again, he stood shifting his weight from foot to foot, trying to decide what to do. “Should we just reschedule? He probably doesn’t want to do anything.”

“No, go ahead with your plans. He was looking forward to Spider-man. Take his mind off of stuff.”

“Yeah, probably. Okay…so what’s gonna happen with all of that…stuff?”

“I’m gonna connect him with someone to talk to. I’m not really qualified and you aren’t either. But, he trusts us both. If we talk this up, he’ll go and hopefully cooperate.”

Nodding his head, he did something he hadn’t done since their miniature bump and grind session on the dance floor. He reached out and touched her. Just on the arm, but with an eye connection as well, they both fought the surge that went through them. This was something that just could not be. Not now. Probably not ever. “Thanks, Lani…he’s gonna be okay, isn’t he?”

“Yep…and so are you…now go get those bad guys, Spiderman.”

“What the hell did she want?”

Ben’s words actually caught Nick off-guard. Nothing had been said when he got back in the truck all the way to the theater. Now that they were there, Ben decided to get chatty. Naturally.

“Oh, Miss Romero? Yeah…I’m headed to New York for a couple of weeks. Just wanted to check on when I’d get back…she was bein’ my mom.” Okay, so it was a lie. It needed to be. For now. And he was leaving and he had talked to Solana about it. Just not right then. White lie.

“Oh.” He started fidgeting with his shirt hem. “When do you take off?”

“Saturday. I’ll be gone…yeah, almost 2 weeks.”

Ben just nodded and made no effort to get out of the truck, finding great interest in the threads pulling loose on his shirt. “Will you be back in time for my birthday?”

“June 12, right?”

“Yeah…I mean, you don’t have to…”

“I know, but yeah…I’ll be back.” Watching Ben fidget and struggle with something was killing him. He knew first hand what it was like keeping stuff locked up inside. It’d eat at you. And it sucked. “Ben…what’s up, dude?”

The young boy shrugged and looked out the passenger window, biting his thumbnail and watching as people entered and exited the theater. After a few moments of silence, he turned to Nick, shocking him with the slightest sign of a tear welling up in his eye. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yep.”

“How come when you say something to one person…even if you swore you never would tell a soul, all the sudden, you say it to someone else too…without even thinking about it?”

“I’m not sure I follow…”

“Um, well…I was talking to Miss Romero and…well, next thing I know, I told her about that dude.”

“The one who hurt you?”

“Yeah…although he really didn’t hurt me…he just tried. I kicked him in the nuts.”

Nick had to laugh at that…what an image. “Good for you! So, uh…what’d Miss Romero say?”

“She’s gonna get someone for me to talk to.” Looking up to Nick, the tear escaped its confines and he angrily wiped it away, streaking his face with his dirty hand. “I don’t want to talk about it, Nick.”

“No, but it might be a good thing.”

“How? It won’t change what happened.”

“I know it won’t, but it might help you deal with it better.”

“I just want it to go away. I hate him.”

“Well, it won’t go away, Ben…but what you do with it will make all the difference.”

“I guess so.”

“I know so.” Sitting quietly for another few moments, Nick realized nothing more would be accomplished. It was time to redirect and let the boy be a boy. “You ready to see this movie?”

“Yeah…” Without another word, or sadly a change in attitude, Ben opened his door and slid out. Nick just watched him, wishing he could do or say something to make it all go away for him too. It wasn’t right. Even if this guy didn’t succeed at his attempts, the effect it was having on the boy was intense.

Just as Nick pushed the remote to lock his doors, Ben jumped. “OH! I almost forgot. Unlock the door again.”

Ben dug through his backpack and finally unearthed a crumpled up paper. “Here, check this out.”

“What’s this?” Nick took the paper from him, motioning for him to turn around so he could smooth it out on the younger boys’ back. “Woah! A B+!”

Ben turned back around and looked over the paper with him. A B+. He couldn’t believe it. “Yeah…that’s a test too. I’ve NEVER gotten anything above a C on a math test!”

“You did it, man…that’s great! Gimme five.”

Ben brought his hand up and smacked Nick’s, not expecting anything more. Nick wasn’t expecting anything less. He grabbed Ben’s hand and pulled him in, hugging him and thumping, then rubbing his back. Dammit, it was about time he’d done this. Poor kid probably hadn’t had a hug in God knows how long.

Ben stood stiff in Nick’s arms, but the larger man wouldn’t relent. Wouldn’t pull back. This kid was going to accept this benign display of affection. “I’m proud of you, Ben…real proud.”

That did it. Nick felt the boy’s body relax in his and smiled as his skinny arms slid around Nick’s back. “Uh, yeah…” Pat. Pat. “Thanks. You helped.”

Pulling back and tossing the test back into the truck, they finally made their way into the theater. “Yeah, but you did the work…”

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I? Even practiced that dribbling thing every night.”

“See…” Nick wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulder as they walked, amazed that he let him do it. “…you did it, Ben…I’ll even buy you a super sized popcorn for that one.”

“Happy biiiirrrth-day, dear Beeeeennnnnnnn! Happy birthday to youuuuuuuu!”

The obligatory cheer rose up in the cluttered kitchen and Ben sucked in a huge breath to try to blow out the candles spread across the massive-sized sheet cake.

Nick just stood in amazement as the handful of boys who had come to wish their friend a happy birthday gathered around the table, scooping up platefuls of cake, ice cream and chips. There were probably 10 kids here, including Ben’s siblings, and 3 adults. But for some reason, Patty had a full sized sheet cake…enough for the entire neighborhood. Again, Nick found himself questioning how these people lived.

No money for clothes, cleaning supplies, basic house maintenance, but yet, she provided a huge cake, gallons of ice cream, loads of hotdogs and bags upon bags of greasy chips. Few gifts were piled in the corner of his “room” and what presents were there were from his friends. Nothing from his mom. He supposed, you could count this retched excess of food as her gift.

Feeling a tug on his shirt, Nick looked down to see Liz, eyes dancing brightly and straw hair twisted every which way. She always could make him smile. And see the sunshine in this place. “Hey, Liz…you get some cake?”

“Nope, not yet…I want you to cut my piece.”

“Oh…okay.” Glancing at Solana, who had also been invited to the festivities, he approached the table, watching his steps to avoid grinding already spilled cake further into the linoleum. Not that it mattered, but…it just seemed the thing to do.

“Mom, Nick’s gonna get mine, okay?”

Without a word, Patty handed the knife to Nick and walked away, wiping her hands on a dishtowel and shooing the boys out back. Either the woman was one of few words or she hated him. Either way, he much preferred it when she wasn’t home.

“I want an end piece…lots of icing!”

“I figured that…”

“And no ice cream. Just cake.”

Sticking a fork in the top of the cake like a candle, he handed Liz her plate. “Take it out back. Lani? You want some?”

“Yeah…NOT an end piece, please.”

“I’m with you there…you can smell the sugar on this thing.” She held the plates for him as he slid the cake off the spatula like a pro. Unfortunately, the plates were cheap. And flimsy. And the cake wasn’t. One piece happily settled on its plate while the other took a tumble back towards Nick.

“Ho…shit…” Somehow Nick reacted quick enough that his hand got under the path of the falling cake and he caught it. Icing side down, of course. “Uh, I guess this one will be mine.”

“Nice catch. And yes. That one is yours.” Handing him his empty plate and a fork, she smirked. “Have a plate.”

“Gee. Thanks.” Nick plopped the cake bottom side down on the plate and did what any self respecting 22 yr. old man would do in a situation such as this. He licked his hand clean. Well, he tried anyway. Finally giving up on the job, he grabbed a napkin, his food and followed Solana outside with the kids.

“So do you come to many of the kid’s parties?”

“Eh, some of the-…” Solana stopped talking and started giggling. She wasn’t known to giggle. Just not her nature. Or was it?

“What!?”

“You have some…here, come here.” Solana reached up to Nick’s nose and wiped off a dollop of blue icing and swiftly licked it off her finger. “You’re just a big kid, you know that?”

“Is that a problem?”

She couldn’t help but smile and re-check his nose. Still a liiiiiitle bit of blue there. “Wipe your nose, you goof. It’s still blue.”

Stuffing a huge forkful of cake in his mouth, he wiped again and leaned in for one final check, mumbling around his food. “Do I pass, Mom?”

“Yes, little boy, you pass.” Shoving him back to a more comfortable distance, she went back to her cake, watching the other boys fling food at each other from their fork-shaped sling-shots. “This place is going to be a mess.”

“It’s always a mess. Who’s gonna know the difference?”

“Yeah, I know. Kind of frustrating to see, huh?”

“Yeah…I mean, there’s this…” he looked around to make sure Patty wasn’t hanging close…or any of her kids. “…huge damned cake. That thing had to cost her a fortune. Hotdogs, ice cream, chips, enough pop for an army, yet she can’t buy a bar of Dial and a box of Tide?”

“The system is messed up, Nick.”

“Yeah, I know it is, but Lani…if you had some cash and you could only get food with food stamps, wouldn’t you put a few bucks into basic needs like soap?”

“I would, yes…you would. But, their life is not ours.”

“That’s what’s more messed up than the system. Can’t blame it all on that.”

“No, you can’t. Just seems there more to do than anyone’s able to actually pull off.”

“One family at a time?”

“Well, it’d be nice, but…just never seems to work that way. More like one disaster at a time.”

They sat silently finishing their cake, both deep in thought about the state of this family, a method of helping them, and wondering if any attempts at help would even be noticed. Sometimes, it did seem futile. Made Nick wonder why Solana kept it up. Made Solana wonder why she kept it up. Then, they were reminded.

“Nick! Get off your fat butt and show us what you’re made of!”

They looked up to see Ben standing in the middle of the make-shift basketball court taunting his mentor with the basketball, an evil smirk and 4 friends willing to take him on. Whispering to Solana, Nick got up to meet his match. “They’re going to eat me alive.”

“Oh, goody…I love a good show of cannibalism!”

“Oh cool! A Super Soaker!” Ben pumped the water gun, imagining it to be filled with water and aimed it right at Solana. “Oh man…this is gonna kick a-…” Seeing his mother, he quickly filtered himself. “…butt. Thanks, Ron.”

“Twit’s lucky that thing’s empty.” Solana and Nick stayed at the back of the pack and just watched as the kids swarmed around the birthday boy, clamoring for just one more glimpse of the gift they’d brought to Ben. Nick was a bit nervous with his selection. He wasn’t supposed to buy them much, but just couldn’t let the kid’s birthday go without a small token.

“No kidding…hey, I need to ask you about my gift. Although, it’s a bit late now.”

“What’d you get him?”

“Well, I don’t wanna say, but I know we’re not supposed to spend lots of money on the kids. He’ll just get a little something in front of his friends and then I have a surprise for him.”

“You sure that’s a good idea?”

“No…so, I kinda made it…well, I can take it back if they don’t take care of it.”

“Sounds good…I guess Ben’s going to have to answer if he can handle it or not.”

“Great…”

Turning their attention back to the party, Nick realized Ben had his ‘gift’ in his hand. Looking up to his mentor, they smiled almost a secret smile and Ben ripped into the paper, stopping when he saw a note on top of a stack of “Spider-man” comic books.

Shhh…don’t react to this note. This is just a hint at your present. I’ll give it to you when your friends leave or we have a minute alone. In the mean time, get excited about the books. I’m glad you liked the movie. Now you can read the whole story.

Ben smiled big and looked up to Nick to share it with him. “Thanks, man…these are cool!”

“Yeah, they are. Keep ‘em in the sleeves too, okay? They’re all autographed.”

Ben’s eyes bugged out. “Autographed?” Ben started sifting through the comics, finally seeing the marker squiggle on each one. “Oh man…by Stan Lee!?”

“Yep…so take care of them. I mean it.”

“Oh God…I will…I’ll find somewhere to keep ‘em nice.”

Solana leaned in and bumped Nick’s arm. “You done good.”

“Eh, that’s not all of it. But thanks.”

“He can keep them in my office if home doesn’t work out.”

“Okay…which reminds me…can, uh…can we go outside for a minute? I need to ask you something else.”

“Sure. Ben, Nick and I are going outside…I’ll just leave from there. You had a great party.”

“Thanks…and thanks for the new basketball.”

“Glad to be outside again anyway. I can’t take that house for more than half an hour.”

“Yeah, and as it gets hotter, it’s gonna stink worse.”

“Great. I won’t keep you; I know you’ve got a sitter and all.”

“You’re fine…that was real nice with the comic books, Nick. You know Stan Lee?”

“Yeah…we did a comic book with him couple years ago.”

“Oh, I remember that…I’d have to go to Burger King to get dolls for the girls at the center. We’d use ‘em as incentives.”

“Action figures.”

“Oh…perdóneme, señor Nickolas! Action figures…as I remember…yours had a uh, interesting stick….”

“Stop. God…every one of those had some sexual overtone to it, no matter how we tried not to make it that way.”

“Yeah, I bet you tried REAL hard.”

“ANYway…what I wanted to ask you…”

“Yeah, try to sneak out of it…Ninja Nick.”

“God, Lani…” If she only knew what she was doing to him. He had to shift to business mode and quick. Running a hand through his hair and looking across the street at the cluttered porch that fronted the house, he tried to regain his composure. “I’d like to take Ben out on my boat…take him to my house every once in awhile. I didn’t know if it was okay to do that yet.”

“What do you think?”

“I think I needed to ask you…I have no idea.”

“Well, you two do seem to be getting along well. That little memorization exercise really made an impact on him. Even though school’s out, I still catch him working on his 8’s and 9’s at the center.”

“No kidding? That’s great. And yeah, I feel better about stuff, but after the tire slashing, I’m still nervous to just let him loose in my house.”

“Then don’t let him loose. Give him strict guidelines as to how he’s to behave and if he doesn’t follow, you march his butt back home.”

“I guess it is that simple, huh?”

“Yep. I mean, at this point it’s up to you, Nick. I’ll trust your judgment.”

At those words, he stopped his meaningless staring across the street and found her dark eyes. She trusted him. Not only him, but his judgment. “Thanks.”

Now, could he live up to it? He suddenly had a great desire to try.

“What should I bring? I don’t like sleeping away from home.”

Ben didn’t seem excited about this over night adventure at all, and Nick was disappointed. What boy wouldn’t want a day out on a boat just doing a whole lot of nothing?

“Just clothes, swim trunks, boxers, uh…toothbrush and stuff. We can buy what you forget.”

“Okay…” Ben grudgingly dug through a laundry basket of clothes and tossed two shirts Nick’s way. “Can you believe it? Mom did laundry.”

“You know, smart mouth…you could do it sometimes too.” Mom had appeared from Amy’s room, the baby saddled around her rotund waist. It occurred to Nick that this was the first time he’d actually seen this woman touch her. Ben always had her or she’d be toddling around on her own.

“Yeah, and that’d leave you to do what? Nothing…I’ll stick to the trash, thanks.”

“Take it out before you go, Mister.” Looking to Nick, feeling a strange combination of fear and relief that Ben would be gone for the night, she sighed. “When are you bringing him back tomorrow?”

“I really don’t have a schedule. When do you want him back?”

“Whatever…just…” Putting Amy on the floor and staring amazedly as the baby ran to Nick and wrapped her chubby arms around his legs, she plopped down on the couch. So tired. So lost. Feeling so out of control and having no energy to find it or get it back. “…just take care of him, huh?”

“Of course. How ‘bout I feed him dinner and we’ll come home after that?” Looking down at the baby, he did what he did every time he looked at one of the young girls in this house. He smiled. Big. And, he scooped her up. Always dirty, but somehow totally irresistible. “How’s Amy today?”

“You wouldn’t want the other 4 would you?” A smile. A little joke. It’d been so long and it kind of felt good.

“Uh…not tonight, no. But seriously…another time I’ll do that, okay?”

“I was kidding…”

“I’m not.” He looked down at the woman and wondered how someone got to this place in life. Where did she start? Was it always this way, or just a slow decent into depression, drugs, kids, bills and now, poverty and despair. He wanted to fix it. For the kids. For her. She really seemed like a nice enough lady. Just…lost.

And sometimes, he totally understood “lost”.

“Okay, I think I’m ready. But, I don’t have trunks.”

“We’ll buy some on the way. We have to stop by Miss Romero’s anyway.”

“What for?”

“Said she has something for you.” He shrugged at Ben’s silent question and kissed Amy before putting her back on the floor to toddle off back to her mother.

“Cool…let’s go.”

“Want us to bring dinner home for everyone?”

“Um…you don’t have to do that.”

“I know…do you want me to?”

Sighing in resignation and wondering what this man’s agenda was…because didn’t they all have one, she finally consented. “If you want, the kids would like that.”

Nick opened the door and shook a paternal finger at Ben. “Do NOT let me forget…your job for the weekend.”

“Yes, sir. Pick up dinner. Got it. Can we get out of here now?”

Waving to Patty and Amy, Nick playfully pushed Ben out, making him stumble on the porch. “I thought you didn’t want to do this. Make up your mind.”

Without a word, Ben simply pushed Nick back and had to laugh as he jokingly “fell” down the stairs tumbling onto the grass. “You’re an ass.”

“Like lookin’ in the mirror, isn’t it?” Raising a hand up for help, Nick grinned. “Now help this old ass up, kid. There’s a pretty lady waitin’ for us.”

“Hey guys, come on in.”

“Nick! Nick! Nick!” A small curly headed brunette bundle of energy came running into the room, bare feet smacking against the tile and wrapped her arms around Nick’s legs. He thought he could almost get used to this. Second midget mugging in one day.

“Hey, Rosalie…come here.” As he scooped up the toddler, he felt Ben’s disposition change. What was with this kid and his jealousy? “Say ‘hi’ to Ben, too…”

“Hi, Ben. Whatcha doin’ today?” She leaned down from Nick’s arms and got in Ben’s face.

He was having none of it. Saddling away from her, he shrugged and looked down at his shoes. “Nuttin’.”

Solana shut the door behind her visitors and gave Nick a questioning look. Shrugging, he put Rosalie down and slung an arm around Ben, escorting him further in the house. Ben had to be number one. There was no question about it.

“Come on back to the family room, guys. I’ve got something you might need this weekend. Rosalie, go get your gift too.”

Nick laughed as Solana pulled a very long, very skinny, very conspicuously wrapped “gift” from the back of her sofa. “Good hiding job, Lani.”

“Shut up…you ever try to wrap one of these suckers?”

“Uh, no…”

“Then hush up.”

Fortunately, Ben’s bad attitude kept him from paying much attention to the obviousness of her gift and he absentmindedly grabbed it and offered a half-hearted thank you before tearing into it. But when the paper was removed, he stopped cold. “You got me…Miss Romero…why did you do this?”

“Because every fisherman needs their own rod. No borrowed stuff for the real McCoy.”

“Ben! Here!” Rosalie ran in the room and pulled Ben on the couch before he could even think. “Open! Open!”

“Okay…did you pick this out?” Ben’s guard was slowly sliding away. Little rug rats were good at that. If Nick had learned anything in these few months, it was that much. No pretenses with kids. They wouldn’t allow it.

Nodding her head, she saddled up next to him and helped pull the paper off the odd shaped package. This one wasn’t as obvious in appearance.

“Oooh cool…a lure. Thanks, Rosalie!” He awkwardly pulled her in for a hug. He could care for Amy, be nice to Amy, but affection? Well, it wasn’t something he was comfortable with, but seeing Rosalie’s big brown eyes dancing and waiting for his response, a hug seemed fitting. Even an awkward one.

Nick and Solana stood to the side watching the scene before them, both speechless. Rosalie and Ben were proving that all anybody really needs…is to be appreciated. Wanted. Even…needed. Definitely loved. In any valid variety. Leaning down to her ear, Nick whispered, “Thanks. He’s not looking forward to this…these should help.”

Ignoring the chill that shot through her body when his breath touched her ear, she moved away slightly. No, no, no. No attraction. No time, no energy and definitely no way. “No problem. I’m glad you’re taking him…trusting him. When are you leaving?”

“Butt crack of dawn. Taking him to Gameworks tonight. Maybe swim later on.”

“Good…you’ll have fun.”

“Hopin’ so…you ready to head out Ben?”

“Yep…thanks, guys.” Smiling at Rosalie and softly bopping her on the nose he got up from the couch. “And thank you, Rosalie…fish will come runnin’ to this one, I’m sure.”

And she was off. Curls bouncing all over her head as she slid open the patio door to take off out back.

“Jeez…she just goes. You’re gonna have you help yourselves out. Sorry.”

“No problem. We’ll talk to you later.” Nick grabbed Ben’s fishing rod and snuck up behind Solana as she approached the patio, goosing her gently with it.

“Oh!” Turning around with an adorable mixture of a smiling glare, she tried to rid her face of the smile. “You creep…get out of my house.”

“Going, going…watch where you stick that thing, huh?”

“You’re asking for it, Señor Carter…OUT!”

Giggling like school boys, the two made their way to Nick’s truck. Climbing in after tossing the rod in back, Nick stopped and watched Ben…he was totally enraptured with the simple lure from Rosalie.

“That was kind of nice of them, huh?”

“Yeah…I’m not used to it.”

“Well, you know…karma’s a good thing. Keep doin’ good and good will keep comin’ at ya’.”

“I think I’m ready for that.”

“Me too, Ben. Me too.”

“Rise and shine, twerp.” Nick slid the blinds open and flicked on the overhead light, secretly enjoying this little torture.

“Wha??? What the hell time is it?”

“6 am. Time for good fisherman to be awake.”

“You’re full of shit. I’m not getting up.”

“Okay, I’ll take your rod and lure back to the Romero’s today…take your ass home now.”

“You wouldn’t…”

“I would. I’m going fishing and you’re not staying here. We need to get the boat ready.” Knocking him on the bottom of his feet…dirty damned feet, Nick started out to the hall. “I need you showered and downstairs in 15 minutes.”

“Why am I showering if we’re just gonna sweat our asses off on the boat?”

“You start clean. You end dirty. That’s the way it goes.” Nick pulled the door closed but heard Ben shifting back into bed. Waiting an extra moment to listen if he got up, he yanked the door back open. “And DON’T make me come back up here to get you.”

Sitting up angrily and smacking the mattress, Ben downright pouted. “Jesus! Okay, okay…god, you’re worse than my mom.”

“Glad to hear it. Now get up. Towels are in the bathroom over here.”

“Ugh.” Ben fell backwards into the bed and almost dared to snuggle back in, but the alarm clock in the shape of a 22 year old pain in the ass was back already.

“14 minutes.”

“Asshole.”

“Donuts are waiting. I tend to eat the whole box, so hurry up.”

Good enough. Donuts could get the dead out of bed, couldn’t they? “Fine. I’m up, I’m up,” tossing back the sheets and standing in his boxers arms spread open and skinny, bony body shivering against the air conditioning, “See?”

“I see. 13 minutes.”

“You sure this is worth all this work?”

“For me it is, yeah. Go get the cooler and we’ll take off.”

As soon as Nick had the boat maneuvered out of the channel and they were taking off full speed into the Gulf, Ben got it. The warm, humid air took his breath away. He’d lived in this area all of his life, but had never been on a boat, never been fishing. Suddenly a 6 am wake up call didn’t seem so bad.

“Could you get us some water? We’ll go out a bit more and drop anchor.”

“Yeah, sure…” Ben had been pretty quiet since they arrived at Nick’s place after dinner the previous night. He was just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at Nick’s house, the neighborhood, the view, the car collection, the…everything. He knew the guy had to be loaded, but Nick never showed money. Not around Ben anyway. The only thing flashy about him was his truck. Otherwise, he wore normal clothes, little jewelry…he seemed unaffected by his fame. But now? Now, Ben felt like a fish out of water…and here he was surrounded by the stuff.

He stood in the galley of the boat and just gawked. They could have spent the night on the water…this thing had 2 bedrooms, a bath and a half, full kitchen, living area. Insanity. A floating apartment. Where did Ben sleep? In a dining room. With a snoring brother next to him and a crying baby sister down the hall. In a pit. This? This was pure luxury. He didn’t feel like he belonged and yet…

“You bailin’ the water in from the toilet? Get up here, boy…I’m thirsty!” Nick tossed a towel down the stairs that landed dead on Ben’s head. Hearing Nick’s cackling from on deck, Ben had to smile as he pulled off the towel and slung it over his shoulder.

Somehow, none of the differences meant anything to Nick. He’d never made Ben feel like a lowlife, a lesser-than, a wanna-be. Oh, but he was. He wanted to be this…to have this. To never have to worry about money. To never live like he did now. Heaving a sigh, he grabbed two bottles of water from the cooler and jogged back upstairs, gasping as he saw nothing but water all the way around him.

“Oh wow…we’re way out, huh?”

“Yep. Grab your rod and we’ll set up over here.”

Ben did just that and followed Nick’s moves to get everything set up just right. Once satisfied, Nick opened his water bottle and stretched out along the bench that surrounded the deck.

“So, uh…this is it? This is all we do?”

“Yup, set up the poles, keep an eye on ‘em and just…breathe.” Taking in a deep breath of the ocean air, Nick stopped cold and looked around Ben who hadn’t relaxed enough to sit down. Giggling, he motioned him closer. “Come here…”

“What?”

“Turn around…you’ve…” turning Ben around so his back faced him, “…you’re worse than Liz. You’ve still got the sales tag on your trunks, punk.”

“Oh…I thought something was itchin’ back there.”

Ben twisted and turned to try to get a hold of it, but was failing.

Seeing he’d have to get a little personal, Nick approached with caution. “Here…I’m gonna have to…”

“Yeah, it’s okay…”

Nick snuck a finger into the boy’s waistband to retrieve the plastic holder and quickly ripped it off. “There…I don’t know how you missed it…it’s huge. Fish would think it was a lure after I pushed you in.”

“Pushed me…you’re not pushing me in way out here!?” Panic. Then he saw Nick’s smirk. He wouldn’t, would he?

“No…I’m kidding…just don’t piss me off. Aaron’s had to swim home before for bein’ a smart ass.”

“I’ll bet your fishing stories are a riot.” Adding hand motions and a fake deep voice to dramatize his point, “Yeah, man, that last one was this big…almost broke my rod on it!”

“Kinda like your tales of video game victories, huh?”

“Shut up…I’m whoopin’ Jack’s butt on that Spider-man one you got us.”

“Yeah, but isn’t Rod beating your ass on Final Fantasy?”

Ben shot a glare at Nick and finally sat down, willing himself to relax, enjoy, take in the quiet. “To a pulp. I don’t think I’m patient enough for that one.”

“Eh, you’ll get it. Is it working out…you guys taking care of that thing?”

“Yeah. I set up time limits. Mom was getting sick of me and Jack fighting and Rod and Steve hanging out all the time.”

“Good for you…”

“But Liz is still pissy. She wants to play and can’t. It’s too hard for her.”

“Hmm…wonder if we could find a game more her pace.”

“Dunno. Until you gave me mine, I only played what was displayed at the stores.”

“I’ll look. Doesn’t seem right she doesn’t have something. You’ll help her with it?”

“Yeah…if she doesn’t throw a fit if she loses.”

“Liz!?”

“Oh shit, yeah…god, she’s obnoxious.” Adding a whiny voice for effect, he mocked, “She just thinks you’re cuuuuuute. So she’s good around you.”

“Ah, yeah…always bringing out the best in the ladies.”

“I’m gonna be seasick. Although, Miss Romero…man, she’s different around you.”

“She is?” Nick tried to will his heart from racing, sure Ben would notice the change in his demeanor. Lani was off limits. Totally off.

“Oh yeah…flirty or something. It’s weird. Never seen her like that before.”

Nick didn’t say anything else, not sure where to take the conversation. To another place would be good. How about to the fish? He turned around to check his and Ben’s lines and almost choked at Ben’s next utterance.

“You sure you’re not fuckin’ her?”

“Ben, we talked about this…even if I was, it’s really none of your business.”

“So you ARE! I knew it!”

“Why are you so curious about my love life, huh?”

“I dunno…” Ben looked down, afraid he’d crossed a line again. Also amazed he really cared. He actually cared about something. Felt kind of good. Until now. Maybe he’d screwed it up.

“Well, I’m not with Miss Romero, okay. Get that out of your head. And if I was, “fucking” would not be a topic of discussion with you…or anyone. Makes it…just. Stop asking me that stuff, huh?”

“Still don’t have a girlfriend, do ya’?” He totally missed the point.

Nick had a sick feeling he was going to have to have a birds and bees discussion with this kid if for no other reason than to same him when it was time to start dating. Ben would be a callous mess. Although, Nick wasn’t the hero when it came to that stuff either. Time to fess up. “Nope. Too busy being stupid. Probably missed a good one while I was screwing around.”

“Then quit screwing around, putz.”

“I think you’ve got something.”

“Me? Advice for the lovelorn?”

“No, dork…on your line…get your line!”

“Ah!” Ben jumped up and swirled around, almost dancing in place when he saw his pole bending toward the water. “Oh God…what do I do!?”

Before Ben could panic himself beyond repair, Nick was up, taking over the reeling in of his line. “Come on, Ben. Calm down and come do this…” He was fighting not laughing at the kid. He could bad mouth the school principal but a one pound…what was this…he couldn’t tell yet, but it wasn’t huge…a one pound fish made the kid freak.

“Jeez…sorry, okay, what do I do?”

Nick let go of the line with one hand and brought Ben in, wrapping his arm around him, showing him how to reel the line in. “Just take your time…hang on now…you’re getting it. Oh yeah, a nice little sea bass there.” He pulled back and watched Ben get a good grip of his line while trying not to let the excitement of his first catch make him lose concentration.

“Wow…it’s pretty!”

“Yeah…a blue one. Those are nice…keep going, you’re getting it.” Nick took hold of the rod again and helped him bring it all the way on deck, releasing it from the line. Holding up the fish for Ben’s inspection, he beamed with pride too. “Look at that…nice job, Ben.”

“Wow…it’s uh…kinda small though, huh?”

“Yeah, these usually are. Not big enough to eat. We’ll throw him back.”

“Wait! All that work and we’re gonna toss him back!?”

“Yep…go get my camera from my dresser though. Jack will want to see it or he’ll think you’re lyin’.”

“Well, we could skip the pic and I could...tell him it was an 8 pounder or something.”

“Get the camera, Ben.”

“You’re no fun…” Ben chuckled as he disappeared down into the boat leaving Nick with his catch. Naturally, Nick’s line sat completely still. Would have been nice had Mr. Sea Bass brought along a friend or something.

Nick took Ben’s picture with his fish, made him give it a kiss before tossing it in and started the process again. The morning sped along with the rare catch, a lot of video game talk and just a generally nice time. No arguments, no attitude and no clock watching. Until Nick looked up to see the sky changing.

“Oh shit, Ben…there’s a storm out there. I think we’re gonna have to head in early.”

“Damn, where’d that come from?”

“No idea…let’s go.”

Without much thought, the lines were in and Nick was speeding back to the slip at his house. And Ben began growing silent again. Concentrating on parking and making sure they’d collected everything, Nick didn’t ask. Not yet anyway. Ben was moody and honestly, Nick understood it. So was he.

After slapping together a couple of sandwiches, Nick joined Ben out on the deck to watch the storm come in.

“You okay, Bud?”

“Eh…you’re gonna laugh at me.”

“Probably. Here’s lunch.”

“Thanks…I, uh…I don’t wanna go home.”

“Why would I laugh at that?”

“Cuz I didn’t wanna come in the first place…”

“You’re allowed to change your mind. I’m glad you like it here.”

“Yeah, and uh…now you’re really gonna laugh.”

Nick just took a bite of his sandwich and said nothing. Knowing Ben was enjoying himself was hardly funny. It was great.

“Can we bring Jack next time?”

“Of course. I’d like to have everyone come out some time.”

“Yeah, but just Jack at first…maybe to go fishin’ too?”

“How ‘bout tonight? Fish again tomorrow.”

“What!? Really?”

“Yeah, let’s make sure the weather will be good and we’ll get him. I promised dinner for your mom and we can just pick him up then.”

“You’d do that? You’re not busy?”

“Not tonight. Was just gonna go out and probably be stupid. This is a much better idea.”

“Wait a minute.” Ben tossed his sandwich on his plate and looked at Nick in shock. “You mean I’m keeping you out of trouble???”

“Stranger things have happened.”

“Not where I’m from they haven’t. No one makes good choices in my life.”

Well, it’s time to make a change then, huh?”

“No, Jack, I am NOT asking him for an autograph…I can’t even talk to him. Just shut UP about it, okay!?”

Nick tried to stop Ben from opening the door to his house when he heard the commotion inside. But, Ben was too quick. Before he knew it he was standing in the doorway staring at a very irate Kitty and her tormenting little brother. When Kitty saw who walked in, she paled, smacked Jack upside the head and ran down the hall to her room, slamming the door as she cried.

“Oh, that was good, bro…nice timing.”

“Like I knew you guys would be here now.” Jack plopped down on the floor and started up a video game. “I was just telling her to quit whining about Nick being here and ask for an autograph. She won’t even TALK to him.”

Nick was afraid that was the source of Kitty’s silence. That and a major self-esteem problem. He felt bad…hated when his simple presence made people act differently than they might had he just been…normal. Not Nick Carter, but just…Nick. Like Ben and Jack knew him.

“Well, hell…she won’t come out of there until tomorrow now.”

“Tomorrow?” Who the hell stayed locked in their room for a day? Oh yeah, Nick did. Years ago on tour. Sucked. No, this would not do. He had to do something to make her see he was just…a guy. If she couldn’t get past the celebrity stuff, she at least had to acknowledge him a bit…be comfortable. He wasn’t going to quit being there, so she’d better get used to it.

“Yeah, tomorrow. She’ll lock herself in there for days sometimes. She’s gotta have food stashed in there or something.”

“God…Jack, what would she want autographed?”

“Nothing now…she’s too embarrassed. I blew it.” He flipped off the game, not able to concentrate.

“Nah, we’ll fix it. Does she have one of our CDs or something?”

“Yeah, I think so…they’re over here.” Ben started sifting through a pile of CD’s near a dusty, portable boom box and finally found what he wanted. “This is yours, right? Black and Blue?”

“Yep. Go out to my truck and I’ve got some sharpies in the glove box.” Nick tossed Ben the keys and took the jacket out of the case, flipping to the page he wanted to sign.

As Ben took off outside, Jack started his line of questioning. If he could get out of this hell hole, Nick was convinced this kid would make an excellent attorney. “Why are you doing this?”

“You know, you all ask me that a lot. Because I want to? Will that do this time?”

“No…I think you’re just bein’ a hotshot.”

“Jack, I’m not. I just don’t want her embarrassed and if this is what’s stopping her then…well, it’ll be over and done with. Next time she can talk to me.”

“Whatever. Looks like you’re just bein’ a show-off to me.”

“Well, I’m not doing it for you, am I?”

“No, I guess not.”

Ben came in out of breath from his quick jog. “Here…you need to clean that out, man. What a pit.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Let-me-look-under-my-bed-for-a-shirt???”

“Oh shut up…what are you doin’ anyway?”

“I’m gonna sign this and…can I slip it under her door?”

“I guess…”

Ben and Jack watched as Nick pushed aside a pile of dirty clothes from Jack’s bed and sat down. Even though he’d found his page, he looked through the entire jacket cover, reminiscing about the photo shoot, the tour, the entire last two years of the making and promotion of this CD. It hadn’t gone well. Made his stomach knot up every time he thought of it. Sighing at the situation, he started a short note on a white page with a picture of each of the boys on it.

“Okay…you sure she won’t notice when I stick it under there?”

“Nah, go ahead…she’ll be thrown across her bed in a fit now anyway.”

Nick kicked off his shoes so his footsteps wouldn’t be heard on the wood floor and snuck down the hallway. Sliding the jacket cover under the door, he quickly jogged back, grabbing his sandals, Jack and Ben on the way out back.

“What the…”

“Come on…gotta talk to your mom about something and I don’t want Kitty catching me right now…give her some time.”

“What’d you sign on that?”

“None of your business…first word on it was ‘Kitty’ not ‘Ben’.”

“Brat.”

“That’s me…wait.” Nick stopped at the doorway to the kitchen remembering how his shoes always stuck to it. He slid his feet into his sandals and sheepishly smiled at the boys. They knew. It was awkward. But, he was not going to have his bare feet stick on that linoleum. Ick. “Mom’s out back?”

“Yep…you’re gonna love this, Jack.”

“I can hardly wait.”

“Mrs. Casey?”

“Mom?”

The boys stopped their quick dash out back when their eyes landed on Patty. She was sitting at the broken down picnic table, hunched over in tears. Must be the day for those. Looking to the younger boys, Nick motioned for them to go back inside, whispering for Ben to get her a Kleenex. Without question, they did just that. Their mom did not cry. Not in front of them anyway.

“Mrs. Casey…you okay?”

Looking up, over her hands, she quickly sat up and wiped her eyes dry. “Oh, Nick…I didn’t hear you. Sorry.”

Slowly sitting down on the opposite side of the table, he questioned only with his eyes. No more words right now. She was a mess. She looked like a little girl in a prosthetic costume of a large woman. Her face was streaked with dirt from wiping her face, her hair hadn’t been combed today, as usual, her clothes were stained and she still held up her huge chest with a bra four or five times too small. Not the look of a ‘mom’, but yet…here she was.

“I’m sorry, Nick…I’m just…having a bad day.”

“It happens. Would it help if I took Jack and Ben out of your hands tonight?”

“Again? You still have patience after having Ben last night?”

“Yeah, he’s good…he thought Jack might like to go fishing too. Weather’s supposed to get better tomorrow and we can go back out.”

Ben snuck back with the tissues…toilet paper…close enough, and immediately went back inside. Patty looked up and started tearing again seeing her son so uncomfortable around her. “I’m a failure.”

“Here…” He handed her the wad of paper and wondered what in the hell he was supposed to say to that. Failure? No, not really. Adequate? Hardly, but he surely wasn’t in the position to say such a thing. “Why do you say that?”

“Nick, you’re very sweet, but honestly. Look around you.”

“Okay, so this isn’t heaven, but it’s a roof. You have great kids, Patty. You must be doin’ something right.”

“I don’t know how. I have no control over them. I do nothing, I’ve taught them no responsibility. I run away…”

“When’s the last time you did that?”

“When you helped. I never thanked you for that either.”

Nick shrugged. He didn’t need thanks. “That was quite awhile ago…have you gone that long before…between times?”

“You knew that wasn’t my first?”

“Yeah…it kind of came out in the midst of it all.” Seeing her redden in embarrassment, he encouraged, “Don’t worry about it.”

“God…and yeah, I think it is. I just can’t bring myself to go now. And whenever I want to, you’ve got Ben. I depend on him for Amy.”

“Well, see…that’s some responsibility there. You haven’t gone…maybe you don’t need to go back anymore.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, Patty occasionally wiping the stray tear from her face, never able to look into Nick’s eyes. She’d find comfort there if she dared, but right now, she couldn’t believe she was pouring her heart out to a pop star. A damned young one at that. What a mess.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah…go for it, I’m already embarrassed enough.”

“Why don’t you work? What can you do to make things better?”

“I’m on disability. My back. It’s because of my weight…”

“What did you do before?”

“Secretarial stuff. Typing, filing, phones…”

“You can’t do that now?”

“Well, child care is an issue and my back does hurt after a few hours at a desk.”

But she sits at home all day. Sitting. On that decrepit couch. Gaining more weight, becoming more depressed. “I’m sure the center could help with child care…”

“Probably. I dunno. No one will hire me anyway. Not with how big I am.”

“Isn’t that illegal?”

“Yeah, but they come up with other reasons…but I know.”

Taking a chance at totally wrecking what little trust he’d seemed to have built with this woman, Nick took a deep breath before asking his next question. “Can I make a suggestion?”

There. She did it. She finally met his eyes. And dammit, she did find comfort there. So young. So innocent…at least in her mind. So willing to help…from a distance. “Yeah, go ahead.”

“I know…god, this is really none of my business, but…uh, the food here. I know you use food stamps and all…”

“Yeah, I know…I buy shit.”

“Well, yeah. And, if you’d use that money to buy fruits and vegetables and…are you a decent cook?”

“Used to be, yeah.”

“I bet if you cut out half of the stuff you normally buy, you’d have enough money for a few great dinners…and leftovers. You and the kids would eat better.”

She looked down again, knowing he was right. She couldn’t summon a word in defense. There were none.

“You’d lose weight and they might not be such pains in your butt. They’re good with me and part of it is probably because they eat better.”

Wiping another tear away, she met his eyes again and found a smile. “When did you get so smart?”

“Who ever said I was stupid?” He flashed a big grin at her and she couldn’t help but return one of her own toothless variety.

“It’s another week ‘til stamps though…”

“Well…you seriously wanna try this? It’s not going to fix everything over night.”

“Yeah, but you’re right. I need to get off my ass and do something. I love to cook.”

“Okay…we need some snacks for tonight. I’ll take some of your stuff, pay you for it and you use that to go get a few things at the store.”

“Hmmm…might work.” Patty sat up and he could see that she was already calculating what she’d fix. Yeah…who DID say he was stupid? “Um, I don’t have any herbs and spices….they’re expensive. I like to cook with those.”

“Okay, make a list of what you want and when I bring the boys back tomorrow we’ll stop and get some. My treat.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Yeah…I am. Look, there’s 5 great kids living in this house, and I’m guessing one great mom. You just have to do something to make sure it stays that way.”

“Your mama must be proud of you.”

“Eh, let’s not bring up my mama. Totally different ball game. But, yeah, she is.”

“She should be…you’re a good boy.”

Now he was blushing. A good boy? Hardly. A changing one? Possibly. “Look, I’ll help if I can, but it’s gotta come from you first.”

“Yeah, I know…I’m in the mood to cook now.”

“Good…tomorrow night, okay? McDonald’s is inside waiting for tonight, but we’ll bring the spices for tomorrow.”

Nick got up to see if the brothers were ready to go but Patty stopped him at the door and grabbed him in a huge hug. Almost knocked the wind right out of him. “Woah!”

“Sorry…thanks for listening to me. No one listens to me anymore.”

“Well, they’re missing something then.”

Another smile and then a frown. Amy was awake and none too happy that no one was around to hear her cries. “Ah, life calls again.”

“It always does, Patty. You just have to be ready for it.”

“You ready?”

“I don’t have trunks either.”

Ben smacked his brother upside the head. “I told you he’d buy you some on the way.”

“Yep, I will…K-mart’s gonna love me this weekend.”

“Then I guess I’m ready. Is, uh…is Mom okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. Just down in the dumps. Knowing you’re outta her hair tonight cheered her right up. She’s dancin’ out there.”

“Oh shut up…she is not.”

“God, Mom dancing? That’s an ug-“ Now Nick was the one thwapping Ben on the head.

“Shut up, man. That’s your mama. She’s fixing you a big dinner tomorrow night, so you’d better be cool.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Nope, we’re buying spices tomorrow…which is a frightening thought, but, uh…yeah…dinner from Mom tomorrow.”

“Cool…she’s a good cook when she bothers.”

Nick smiled at that, seeing that somewhere under the tough exterior these kids knew what their mother was capable of too. Hopefully, she’d figure it out again. And soon.

As they made their way out to Nick’s truck, Kitty peeked out of her room holding the CD jacket in her hand like it was a precious jewel. She read the words again and walked into the living room as she heard the screen door close behind her brothers.

Kitty; a rose that will grow anywhere. Love, Nick

Hugging the booklet to her chest, the disheveled teen tentatively made her way to the door. She didn’t want him to see her, but yet, she wanted to see him. Giggling when she saw Nick bop her younger brother on the head for what looked like a smart alec remark, she almost stopped breathing when she saw him look up to the door seeing her there.

What he did next, she’d never forget. As she stood frozen in her spot, she gasped as he blew her a kiss, winked and got in the truck. And then, she did what she hadn’t done for months. Hell, maybe even years.

She smiled.

A rose that will grow anywhere. Maybe…maybe even here.

“Aw crap, it’s rainin’ again…okay guys. We gotta run for it.”

“Oh maaaan…I don’t even see the truck.”

“Over there…by that red car. You ready?”

The boys nodded and they all took off running, Nick suddenly very grateful for a remote entry to his truck.

“They’re unlocked, hop in! Quick!”

No fights happened this time as to who would sit in front. Somehow the need to get away from the downpour made them cooperate without even realizing.

“Damn, those are some big assed raindrops!” Ben ran his hand through his wet hair in a motion Nick had seen before, but not on Ben. It looked just like him. Freaked him out.

Shaking his head, he turned on the stereo to drown out his thoughts. “Uh, yeah…maybe we’d better just sit here for a few minutes ‘til it slows down. I can’t even see out there.”

“Is it gonna rain like this all night? I hate thunder at night.”

“I don’t think so, Jack. We can check when we get home, but I thought we were done with this stuff. You’ll be okay.”

Sliding back in his seat and buckling in, Jack looked nervous. Scared. Wet.

“I don’t know why you get so afraid, Jack…it’s just thunder and lightening. Won’t hurt you.”

“I know, but… the lightening can strike our house and…and…and…just shut up.” Jack kicked Ben’s seat and dug in his bag for his new swim trunks. He didn’t have the heart to tell Nick that, outside of underwear, this was the first new item of clothing he’d ever had. He always got Ben’s leftovers and hand-me-downs. Always.

“Sissy.”

“Hey now. Everybody’s afraid of something.”

“Oh yeah, what are you afraid of?”

“Hmmm…flying, and uh…failure.”

“Flying? You!?”

“Yeah, no kidding, huh? I mean, I do it, but I don’t like it. Scares the crap outta me.”

“I’d love to fly…sounds so cool.”

“People who like it seem to think so. I think they need their head’s examined.”

“What are you afraid of, Ben? There’s gotta be something.” Jack held his trunks up like the prized possession they were. Just like Ben’s, only his were blue and Ben’s were green. And they were his. All his.

“Me? I’m afraid I’ll live in this pit forever. Stuck here for the rest of my life.”

“You know…you can do something about that, Ben.”

“Yeah? What, hotshot?”

“Work. Work at school, work at home, be responsible. Find a talent. Get out there and do something.”

“I’m not good at much of anything though.”

“You kick at basketball, Ben!” Jack had quit being prideful of his trunks and was now just being a dork. He had ‘em on his head like a hat, drawstring pulled sweetly under his chin.

Shocked at Jack’s supportive words to his brother, Nick looked back in the rear view mirror and could only crack up. “And Jack, you’d be a great fashion designer…you have,” changing his voice to a more feminine flair, “such the knack!”

As Nick started the truck, finally comfortable with the visibility, Ben looked back at his brother. “No wonder Mom never buys you new clothes. You need directions on how to wear ‘em, dweeb!”

“Nick?”

“Mmm…” Who the hell? What time was it? Nick let the boys stay up extra late while they watched a sick number of movies, ate a sick amount of chips and junk and hopefully…wouldn’t get sick. He agreed that another 6 am wake up call to go fishing was for the birds, so a nice long sleep was waiting. Who was so rudely interrupting it?

“You awake?”

“Not really.” He rolled over to see a skinny silhouette standing in his doorway. Please no…he can’t be sick. “Jack?”

“Yeah…I’m, um…I’m…” As though perfectly choreographed, a bolt of lightening lit up Nick’s window, quickly followed by a house-jarring clap of thunder.

“Scared?”

“Yeah…” He pulled his arms around himself, shivering in his fear. Not home, thunderstorms and…fear that Nick would tease him.

Groaning at the intrusion, Nick sat up and rubbed his eyes and head, trying to come to some sort of coherency. “Okay, uh…so what do you do at home when there’s a thunderstorm?”

“Sit up in bed and shake like a leaf. Or, uh…I lay down in the hall by mom’s room.”

“That doesn’t sound very comforting.”

“Mom yells at me if I wake her up.”

Nice. “What do you want to do now, Bud? I can’t make the storm stop.” Looking at his clock, Nick stifled another groan. 3:30. Only time he was up at that hour was when he was drunk or with a woman. Funny…this suddenly didn’t seem so bad.

“I know, uh…can I? Can you?” Jack flopped his arms to his sides in embarrassment and started to head back to his room, flinching when another bolt of lightening lit up the hallway.

“Wait…you, uh…wanna climb in? Aaron used to do that all the time.”

“Really? Uh…yeah, if…I mean…are you sure?”

“Yeah, come on. No sense being scared by yourself.”

Jack giggled and tentatively walked in the room. He was still a bit uncomfortable in these surroundings. Such nice furniture, pretty carpeting, nicely painted and wallpapered walls. He’d never been in such a formal place.

“Here…you lay on this side and face away from the window.”

“Okay. And uh…I mean, we’ve never hugged before or anything…”

“Yep, I got ya’…get settled. I’ll be right back…might as well hit the john while I’m up.”

Jack snuggled into Nick’s bed, relieved Nick hadn’t teased him. He also wondered what Ben would say in the morning. Probably make some mean joke…something to make Jack feel stupid. He was so good at that.

“Okay, you all comfy now?”

“Yeah, guess so.”

Nick climbed in behind Jack and gently spooned him, just like he used to do with Aaron when he was Jack’s age. Nick would secretly hope for an occasional storm when he was home. It meant more time with his brother and they could giggle away the hours of the night until sleep finally won over the fear.

“Is this what you wanted?”

“Yeah…thanks.”

“Go to sleep now. You’re okay.”

Just as they were both knocking on Mr. Sandman’s door, another knock interrupted their slumber.

“Nick? Jack?”

“Ben?”

“Yeah…”

“I take it you want in too….”

“Is there room?”

Softly kicking Jack as he giggled into his pillow, Nick reached back and opened the sheets to Ben. “Yep…we could fit Lizzy in here too if we needed to. Get in.”

Without a word, Ben hopped in behind Nick, turning his back to him and facing the window. When another bolt of lightening flashed, he quickly turned over and did his best at spooning Nick. “Chicken shits…both of you.”

“Cluck.”

“Cluck.”

“Okay, guys. I’m gonna need your help. I got the list of stuff from your mom. Never heard of half of this crap.”

“And we have?”

“Well…yeah, I’m hoping.” Nick grabbed a cart, took a deep breath and headed into the grocery store. “Here goes nothing. You may not let your mom cook again after we’re done here.”

“Eh, she’ll make it good. She’s a good cook.” Jack was still young enough to have faith in his mom no matter what.

Ben wasn’t so lucky. “Yeah, when she gets off her ass and does it. Like…never!”

“Ben…enough. Okay, spices first then we’ll get the meat.”

“What’s she gonna cook?”

“Something Mexican. Said she’d make a mix or something so she’d have it for another time. Uh, chili powder.”

“Here…it’s alphabetical.”

“Must be for the dorks doing the shopping. Okay, garlic powder.”

“Down here…let’s get a big one.”

“Sounds good…she wants big things of salt and pepper, too…Ben, you grab those, and uh…cayenne pepper. Damn, this stuff’s gonna be hot.”

“Yum…I like it hot.”

“You’d like it if she made shoe leather.”

“If she made hot shoe leather, yeah…probably. Here’s the cayenne. What’s next?”

“Let’s see…cummin’? Coomin? Shit, how do you say this one?”

Ben snorted at Nick’s lack of knowledge…or bad pronunciation anyway. “Cummin’!?”

“Ben…God, shut up.”

“What?”

“Never mind, your brother has a one track mind.”

Ignoring the situation, Jack pulled the list down and looked at it. “Lemme see…cumin.”

“How the hell do you know that!?” Ben tossed the salt and pepper in the cart and started pulling it toward the meat department.

“Mrs. Sanchez’s class…we made tacos this year. Cumin. It’s yummy.” Jack found the last spice and tossed it into the cart.

“Who’s Mrs. Sanchez? I thought you had Mrs. White.”

“Mrs. Sanchez is the nerd teacher.”

“What?”

“Shut up, Ben…gifted. She’s the G&T teacher.”

“G&T?” Suddenly Nick was feeling rather stupid. He didn’t like it in the presence of an 8 and 13 yr. old. At all.

“Gifted and talented. I see her twice a week with other kids who…well…”

“Are nerds, like Liz.”

Nick jokingly thwapped Ben upside the head for his mouth and sent him to get a package of ground beef. “Okay, Mr. Smarty…she wants some Italian mix for another night…you have any ideas?”

“Italian Seasoning…it’s got everything.”

“How do you know this stuff?”

“Mrs. Sanchez liked to cook in class. We made spaghetti too.”

“You’re just a jack of all trades, huh?” Jack just shook his head at his accidental pun and they went off to find Ben who was digging through the ground beef selections.

“Is it that hard, man? Just pick one.”

“I dunno…Mom always searches through ‘em. I don’t know what for though.”

“Me either.” Grabbing a large package, Nick tossed it in the cart. “Here…3 lbs. Oughta do her up good. Is that it, Jack?”

He looked at the list and started walking away from them. “Nope. She wants a chicken cut up too.”

“Chicken and beef?”

“For another night, Ben.”

“Man, what bit her in the ass? She hasn’t cooked two nights in a week in…forever.”

“She doesn’t want to be stuck here the rest of her life either…just like you.”

“Ooh..ooh, turn this up. I love this song.” Ben reached up and took care of the stereo volume on his own, bopping along to the music slamming through Nick’s truck.

Truth was, he was trying to avoid the fact that there were no more stops or activities on the way. He was being taken home. Home cooked meal or not, he didn’t want to go. He preferred Nick’s. The house, the company, the atmosphere. He almost felt like a normal person there. Home just sucked.

“Wait, wait, wait…” Nick brought the truck to a slow-down and leaned over to Ben’s side. “…is that…”

“What?”

“Over there. Leaning over that flat of plants…that Miss Romero’s uh…booty?”

“Yeah! It is…let’s go see her.” Jack started bouncing in his seat, happy for the diversion, happy to see Miss Romero.

“Just real quick. Your mom’s expecting us soon.”

Nick pulled into the gravel parking lot and slowed as he approached where Solana was shopping. Rolling down his window, he quieted the boys’ giggling before he called out for her, bringing back his fishing rod goose from their last visit. “Hey, lady! Watch where you stick that thing!”

“What!?” Solana stood quickly, turning to the voice. “Oh you…” seeing the boys inside, she censored herself and quickly. “…creep. What are you doing here?”

“Watchin’ you at the moment…” Big grin and then a bop to Ben’s head as he made kissy noises in the background. “You can stop that now, Ben.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Get out of the truck…” The three boys piled out and went around to Solana, straightening up quickly to be more polite.

“God, what a gang of trouble you guys are. Where were you headed?”

“Back home. We’ve been at Nick’s fishing and stuff.” Jack’s sunburn said it all, but his smile said more.

“Oh yeah? You too, huh? Did you catch anything?”

“Yeah, a few little ones…Nick makes us throw them back though.”

“Well, sure…you had fun anyway though, I hope?”

“Yep…and get this…we just went to the grocery. Mom’s cookin’ dinner tonight.”

“You three? At the grocery? Why didn’t you call me? I’d have brought my video camera.”

“Hey, now. I shop! A guy’s gotta eat.”

“Mmm-hmm…frozen pizza, mac ‘n cheese…”

“It’s food.”

“Sorta…so, wow…your mom’s cooking huh?” She looked up to Nick figuring he had something to do with this change. “What motivated her to do that?”

“Tired of being in a slump I guess.” Nick shrugged it off and started looking at all of the flowers and bushes on Solana’s cart. “Good god, woman…you plantin’ a forest in your yard?”

“Yeah…starting too late. I’ll probably lose half of it, but I’m sick of my backyard looking so bare.”

“Do you have some help? It’s awful hot out.”

“Nope…just me and Rosalie. But uh…I could use some. What are you big, burly men doing tomorrow, huh?”

“I’m busy.”

“Bakin’ a cake.”

“Painting my nails.”

“Wimps. All three of you. Painting your nails, Ben? I thought you had that professionally done.”

“I fired her…she kept painting outside the lines.”

Laughing and shaking her head, Solana went back to the flat of flowers she had been inspecting. “Well, that’s fine. Wasn’t planning on having help anyway.”

“You serious? We can help…I‘ve got nuttin’ ‘til Tuesday.”

“I should be asking if you’re serious.”

“Yeah…just not sure how much help we’ll be.”

“Can you lift and shovel and push dirt around?”

All three boys simultaneously lifted their arms to show their great muscles. “Yep.”

“What’d you guys do? Rehearse before you came here?”

Bopping the younger boys on the head as he lowered his arms, Nick moved a potted bush out of the way so she could put the flat on the cart. “Okay, I’ve got an idea…”

“Oh no. Nick has a plan. We’re all in trouble.”

“You know, Jack…I could make you walk that skinny butt home. You’d miss Mom’s dinner.”

“Shutting up.”

“Yeah…you might like this plan. So, we come help you tomorrow. Be manly men and all…IF you promise to come over to my place and swim it off.”

“Me and Rosalie?”

“Of course…and Ben and Jack…”

Seeing the eyes of the younger blondes light up, Solana smiled. This all had gone so far beyond her wildest expectations. Nick seemed lighter, Ben was surely happier and Jack, who only occasionally copped an attitude with her, had stopped altogether. And now Big Mama was cooking dinner again. Either the stars were in good alignment or Barry really did know what he was doing to match Nick up with this family.

“Come on, Miss Romero…his pool is awesome!”

“Yes, I’m sure it is.” Staring Nick down and getting only a boyish grin in return, she had to concede. “How early can you boys be over tomorrow?”

“When do you want us?”

“How’s 10 sound?”

“Good…I’ll pick the guys up and we’ll be there. You need help loading this stuff up?”

“Nope. One of the guys here can help me. You go on so Mama can cook. I’ll see you in the morning.”

They said their goodbyes and Solana giggled as she watched them pile back into the truck, playfully jabbing, tripping and just generally tormenting one another. Once in the truck, Jack couldn’t stop bouncing.

“Calm down, Bud…what’s got you so riled up?”

“Nothin’…I just…this will be fun.”

“Uh, Jack…swimming will be fun. But first, we’re gonna work our asses off. You’d better think about that first.”

“That’s okay. I like Miss Romero…”

“I think we all do, Jack.”

“Grocery delivery!” Jack ran into his house, causing the screen door to slam in Nick and Ben’s face.

“Ah! God…Jack, you putz. Nick’s nose could be worth millions!”

“Eh, other body parts maybe, but not my nose.” Winking at Ben who completely got his implication, they made their way into the house.

“Oh my go-…” Jack had stopped on a dime in the doorway to the kitchen and hadn’t moved by the time Nick and Ben caught up.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…check this out…where’s Mom?”

Peeking over Jack’s shoulder, Nick and Ben both gasped. “I’ll be damned…”

Sparkling. The kitchen was absolutely sparkling. A faded, but clean table cloth covered the rickety table and all of the food that had once covered it was gone. Counters had been scrubbed clean and cleared of the junk. The cabinets’ old wooden doors looked fresh and almost new. The only food items cluttering the counter were items Miss Casey would most likely be using for that evening’s meal. Still broken down, still beaten up, but it looked so much better.

For one final inspection, Nick pushed Jack aside and stepped in. And stepped. And stepped. Looking up to the boys, they announced in unison, “Your feet don’t stick!” Joining him in the room, the younger boys started jumping and dancing around on the floor, testing its cleanliness. Jack found out first hand how clean it was.

He fell right on his butt.

Just in time for his mother’s entrance from the basement.

“What is going on in here?”

Nick quickly grabbed Jack and helped him up to his feet while useless Ben was doubled over in laughter. Shooting him a glare to get it together, Nick fumbled for an answer.

“I was, uh…I’m um…teaching him some dance moves…you know…Larger than Life?” He started lazily doing a few of the choreographed moves while humming the tune, but quickly stopped when she didn’t even crack. “…or not.” A weak smile from Nick and rolled eyes from Patty. Oops.

“Mmm…I didn’t know Jack could dance.”

“He can’t. That’s why he was on his butt.” Ben started cackling again and Nick playfully thwapped him on the back of the head and made one last attempt at saving face.

“Kitchen looks great, Patty…”

“Thanks…I’m exhausted, though.”

“I bet…stuff’s on the table there…hope it’s right.”

“It’ll be close enough. You’re welcome to stay and eat with us.”

“Oh, thanks, but no. I’ve been goofing off enough. But, uh…can I steal the guys again tomorrow? Miss Romero needs some help in her yard.”

“Yeah, sure…” Peeking around Nick to watch the boys disappear back into the living room, she continued. “You sure they’re okay? I mean…you’ve had them a lot.”

“They’re fine. I’ll take ‘em back to go swimming when we’re done.”

“You must have a magic touch or something.” She peeked into the bags the boys had brought and smiled. “You did good…these are perfect. Promise me you’ll have dinner with us one night, huh?”

“Yeah…sometime I will. And really…nice work on the kitchen.”

“I have you to thank…it feels good. Maybe I’ll tackle the living room tomorrow.”

“No thanks to me…you did it.”

“Yes, I did, didn’t I?” Grabbing the goodies from the table she made her way to the stove to begin dinner. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…I have dinner to make for my family.”

“Good…they’re looking forward to it.”

“For the first time in forever, Nick…so am I.”

He made his way to the front of the house, wondering how long it’d take someone to clean up this area. That kitchen had to take her all weekend while they were gone. It was a miracle she could stand. Scruffing Ben and Jack’s hair as they began another Spider-man tournament, he took a deep breath trying to get his head focused on work again. Too much play this weekend. Not that he was complaining, but he had calls to make tonight. Time to be a grown up. Ugh.

Clicking his remote to unlock his door, he stopped when he thought he heard someone softly calling his name. Turning to the voice, he saw no one, shrugged and kept walking. Nope. There it was again, only a little louder now. This time, when he looked up, he saw Kitty peeking from the side of the house.

“Over here.”

“Oh! Kitty! Hey!” Making his way back, he had to shake his head as she slipped back around the corner. So stinkin’ shy.

“Shhh…I don’t want Jack or Ben seeing me…”

“Why not?”

“Just…I…” she looked down and turned to walk to the back of the house. Why she felt she could actually speak to this guy was beyond her. “…never mind.”

“No! No! Wait…stay there…” This girl was surely a lot of work. Jogging back up to the house, he made his way to the side where Kitty now had her back turned. “Okay…I’m here…what’s up?”

“Never mind, Nick. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Kitty…turn around.”

He watched as she took a deep breath and slowly turned around, but never looked up. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

“You’re not bothering me…”

Taking another breath, she finally looked up and dared to let her eyes rest in his. And she gasped. In the few months that he’d been visiting her home, she never once would truly look at him. She couldn’t believe that her stupid brother ended up with Nick Carter as his mentor. Nick Carter in her home. Nick Carter keeping her brother’s over night, taking Liz to the bathroom, buying groceries for dinner. Because, no matter how much of this ‘normal’ stuff he did for her family, he was Nick Carter, a Backstreet Boy. The Backstreet Boy as far as she was concerned. One of the many visitors in her dreams…the main player. And no dream, no picture, no video or CD could begin to capture who this guy was. And here he was, and she finally saw it. He was…

…just Nick. And he was beautiful. And smiling at her. She had to breathe again.

“I, uh…**gulp**…wanted to thank you for signing my…thing.”

“Not a problem. Can you do something for me now?”

“I can’t do anything for you.”

“Sure you can. Just talk to me. Don’t be afraid of me anymore, huh?”

“I’m not afra-…” Stopping herself, knowing full well he was right, she looked down again and blushed. “I guess, I have been afraid of you.”

“Nothing to be afraid of. Ask Ben. I’m just a normal dorky guy.”

“You’re not dorky…he’s dorky.”

“No, he’s a dweeb. Jack’s a twit. I’m a dork.”

There was that ever-elusive smile again. Two in one week. Amazing. “Oh…is that how is goes?”

“Yup…so you have no excuse anymore, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“Would you like to…wait. Don’t move, okay?”

“What?” Before she could stop him, he was off, skipping the bottom porch step and knocking on their front door.

“Come in!”

Following orders, Nick stepped back inside, waiting quietly while Jack and Ben got to a stopping point in their game.

“Can’t we get rid of you?” Ben barely looked up from the TV to acknowledge Nick’s presence.

“No…I like it here.”

“Yeah, right…what?”

“Do you mind if we pick up Kitty tomorrow before we go back to my house?”

“It’s your house.”

“I know, but…” now Nick was embarrassed for some odd reason. Thing was, he realized Ben didn’t mind the addition of his sibs in a situation if he was the one who initiated it. So, by asking, showing Ben that he was still Nick’s priority, maybe this jealousy would be kept at bay. “…I know you don’t like extras when we get together.”

“Wait. That’s to pay back for working on Miss Romero’s garden. No. She can’t come.”

“How ‘bout this? Your mom said she’s gonna work on the living room…how ‘bout if Kitty promises to help your mom, huh?”

Ben finally tossed his controller aside and turned to Nick. He couldn’t argue with that logic. And Nick had asked for Ben’s opinion…didn’t just jump and do; his opinion mattered. He couldn’t let his tough demeanor falter too much, however. Having Nick comfort him while he cowered in that thunderstorm had been more than enough. Picking his controller back up and re-starting his game, he shrugged thoughtlessly. “Yeah, sure. Whatever.”

“Good, I’ll let her know. See you tomorrow morning!” He helped himself out and met Kitty back at her hiding spot at the side of the house. He had seen the glimmer of appreciation in Ben’s eyes. They were both learning. Give. Take. A touch of kindness. A taste of affection. It all worked together, didn’t it?

“Kitty…have I got an offer for you…”

“Yard boys at your service!” Nick, Ben and Jack stood on Solana’s porch, muscles flexed, equipment in hand, smiles on their faces. They looked like pros. The only problem was…

…the tools were child-sized. Ben held onto a Fischer Price wheel barrow while Jack and Nick carried small, plastic hand tools. Nick even had somehow tied a miniature gardening apron around his waist. It had lovely daisies decorating its pockets. Darling.

“¡Ah mi Dios! You boys…get in here. Leave your toys on the porch.”

Giggling, they dumped the hand tools into the wheel barrow and went inside, leaving Nick to fidget with the knot at his back. And fidget. And…still…fidget.

“You having problems, ch2ica?”

“Oh hush…Ben knotted it, the putz.”

Seeing that the boys were quickly occupied with Rosalie, she stepped out, shaking her head at their silliness. “Turn around…you didn’t have to do this, Nick…”

“I know. Just thought Rosalie might wanna help.”

“She’ll love it.” Still messing with the knot at Nick’s waist, she had to laugh. “God, sign that kid up for Boy Scouts. This is one heck of a knot.”

“Wonderful.”

“Well,” smacking his butt, and starting back inside, “I think it’s stuck. You’ll have to wear it today.”

“Oh hell no…I am NOT wearing this apron! Cut the damned thing.”

Laughing at the pathetic look on his face, she tried one more time. “Okay, okay. Baby. You gotta learn there’s a price to play sometimes.”

“I think I’ve learned.” Isn’t that what this whole lot in his life was about? Yep, he was finally learning. But the line had to be drawn at wearing a daisy-laden apron. Nope. No way.

“Good…there we go. Now go put that on its rightful owner. We’ll get to work after I make up a cooler of water.”

Nick stood on the porch and watched her go in, still clinging onto the apron. She did not just smack his butt, did she? Nah, must have been his imagination.

“You want this entire pile of dirt in this little spot we’re digging out!?” Ben was not happy. It’d felt like they’d been working all day and honestly looked like they’d accomplished nothing.

“Yep. You’d be surprised how it’ll all fit. One more section to scoop out here and we’ll be ready to start filling.”

“Ugh…I need a cigarette.”

“Forget it, hot shot. Start diggin’.” Nick shoved his shovel into her garden plot for what felt like the 10 thousandth time, glad to see it almost done. At least this part.

“Digging, digging…why isn’t Jack helping?”

“He is, Ben…he’s keeping Rosalie occupied.”

Right on cue, squealing could be heard rounding the side of the house as Jack ran with the pint- sized wheel barrow pushing Rosalie inside of it.

“Oh yeah, he’s workin’ real hard.” Scoop, lift, grunt, dump. This sucked.

“You know…you have worked up a sweat, Ben. How ‘bout you come inside and help me with lunch, huh? Air conditioning and all.”

Without a word, Ben tossed his shovel to the ground and headed inside. Looking back to Nick who was wiping his brow with the hem of his shirt, Solana gulped back a sigh and tried to speak. “You okay to finish or should we all stop now?”

“I’m good…lemme finish this.” He held back his own sigh as he watched light tendrils of hair that had escaped her pony tail. Some stuck to the sweat on her neck and some bounced along the back as she walked. Lucky hair.

Suddenly, two chubby arms around his thighs shocked him out of his reverie. “You stopped working!”

Looking down at the curls and bright brown eyes, he stuck the shovel into the garden and scooped her up instead. “You’re right…you stopped playing.”

“Jack went in with Mami.”

“Ah, the wimps are inside, huh?”

“Help you scoop?” She leaned down, out of his arms, and reached for the shovel handle.

“Yeah…get one of your shovels…this one will knock you over.”

She slid out of his arms and toddled off to find one of the shovels the boys had brought her so she could help. Scooping small shovelfuls up and lifting them all the way up to the top of the large wheel barrow, she quit after two tries. “Too hard, Nicky…I pooped.” She plopped down on the ground right where she stood and wiped her brow, looking remarkably like a miniature Solana.

“Okay, well…” Nick dumped the final shovelful and covered it with the kneeling blanket Solana had been using to do more detailed work. “I’m done anyway. Hop on…let’s go get this to the field.”

Scooping her up again, she giggled as he carefully put her onto the pile of dirt, told her to hang on and slowly made his way to the field.

“Faster, Nicky! Faster!”

“Faster!? You’ll fall!”

“No…you catch me. You a good boy.”

“I am, huh? Okay…here we go…hang on!”

She quickly turned around to face him, got on her knees, fluffed her apron and grabbed onto his shirt like the reigns of a horse. Moving her arms up and down to complete the picture, she squealed as he picked up speed. “Go, Nick! Go!”

Watching the horse and buggy ride from inside, Solana closed the curtain to the small kitchen window and tried to busy herself making sandwiches for everyone.

“You okay, Miss Romero?” Ben…tough kid. Sensitive kid, too.

“Yes, Ben…I’m fine.” Wiping a small tear away, she continued looking busy hoping he’d let it go.

He didn’t. “Why are you crying then?”

Tossing him a deli bag of ham and giving directions with her eyes to lay it out on a plate, she sighed, trying to answer that question for herself, no less for a thirteen year old.

“I’m not sure, Ben…happy tears though. Do you ever cry when you’re happy?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happy. And I quit crying when I’m sad. Doesn’t do any good.”

“Ah…well, let’s see what we can do about that, huh? Happy tears feel good.”

“They’d have to. Sad tears suck.”

“Yes they do…no more sad for Ben, huh? You’ve had enough of that.” Ruffling his sweaty head, she stacked some more meats onto the plate.

“Yeah…just hope I know happy when it comes my way.”

“You will Ben…it’s right in front of you…and I think you already know it.”

“Okay, Rosalie…last one. You gonna help?”

“No.” She didn’t wake up from naps very well. Rubbing her eyes and plopping down on the ground right in the middle of the mess, she looked back up to everyone wondering why they were laughing. She didn’t even notice that she’d sat on a small trowel and it had hit her on her diapered bottom. “Durmiente.”

“English, Rosalie…”

“No.”

Solana’s eyes widened and she crawled over to her sleepy, stubborn daughter, pulling her chubby fingers from her eyes. “Yes. English. We speak English in front of guests, young lady.”

Meeting her mother’s gaze with equal fire, she did resign to the house rule. Reluctantly. “Sleepy. I sleepy.”

“You need to go back to bed?”

“No.”

“Fine…then help us put this last flower in…come on. Jack’s done all of your work, sleepy head.”

Sighing in resignation, Rosalie followed her mom to the garden. It was pretty. And she had wanted to help, but just couldn’t stay awake.

Getting down to her level, Ben handed her one of her spades. “Here you go…the dirt is really easy now.”

“Okay.” Looking up to Nick and pleading with her eyes for some help with something…waking up, maybe, he got down to help her too.

“This is the one we’re putting in…pretty, huh?”

“Right here now, baby…”

Rosalie dug with Solana’s help and Nick sat by, waiting until the hole was big enough for the final bush. No one knew what it was called…it was just spindly and full of pink flowers. A perfect crowning touch.

Once planted, they all stood and admired their work. Stunning. Absolutely stunning. The larger tree in back was tilting a little, which drove Ben crazy. Solana had told him to hush…gave the garden character.

“We done good, guys…you all deserve a big reward.” Wiping his face with his shirt hem again, all Nick could think about was a shower and his pool. He hadn’t worked this hard since rehearsals for tour…and even then he wasn’t sure he’d worked this hard.

“Are we going to your house now?”

“I hope so…showers first though.”

“Oh man…another shower?”

“Yeah, Ben…another shower. No way in hell are you getting in my pool like that.”

“Okay, boys…Rosalie and I will clean up too and meet you there?”

“Sounds good…” Nick started picking up the tools, laying them over the wheel barrow to cart them into her garage. “I’ll give you the password for the gate…oh…and could you do one more favor for me…for Kitty?”

“Yeah, whatcha need?”

“She’s coming too. Needs a suit. Size 6 women’s? I have no idea.”

“Kitty’s coming swimming?” Solana couldn’t hide her shock. She didn’t try. Kitty did nothing socially. Ever. In the 4 years that Solana had served this center, she’d never seen Kitty do anything with anyone. Only heard about it from others.

“Yep…but she needs a suit. I figure you could find one better than me.”

“Yeah, sure. Give us…oh, an hour or so, okay? How ‘bout if I pick her up so she can help decide.”

“Sounds good…call first so she’ll know.” Pushing the wheel barrow into the garage, Nick bent down to give Rosalie a kiss. “Your flower is perfect…we’ll see you in a bit.” He looked up and saw that he was in a perfect position to do a little pay back, what he’d been wanting to do all day, but just never found the right time.

Swatting Solana on the behind, he winked at her gasped reaction. “The tree is crooked. Might wanna straighten that up.”

She could barely respond as she smiled through her glare, wanting to be more incensed than she really was. The smart ass. “Oh I’ll straighten the tree, Mr. Carter…just you wait!”

Nick didn’t try to hide his shock now either as he closed the door behind Ben and Jack. Shaking his head at the bouncing ponytail as it made its way back inside, Nick was silent as he slid into his truck.

“What was she talking about? She likes the crooked tree.”

“Never mind, Jack…never mind.”

“Oh no…tell me. It’s some grown-up thing isn’t it?”

Ben was too busy giggling to even try to explain to his brother. Nick wasn’t sure what he should say, if anything. “Okay, here’s what you need to know, Jack.” Looking back to pull out of her driveway, he measured his words carefully.

“Beware of beautiful women.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it...just beware.”

“Dude! Which way to the beach?”

Without taking his eyes off the scene before him, Nick called to the boys inside. “Holy shi-…Jack! Ben! Get in here…we’ve been had.” Letting the three goofy girls, woman, whatever in his house Nick was rendered completely speechless.

Jack and Ben careened through the house, sliding on the tile in the foyer, and plowed into each other like falling dominoes, even knocking Nick off balance. “What? How have we…oh my god, you’re right. We’ve been had.”

And they had. The trip to get Kitty’s bathing suit had been a fruitful one. There the three females stood, now in Nick’s foyer, in complete swimming/beach garb, but like the boys had done, all of the paraphernalia was pint-sized. Except for Rosalie. She was towing an enormous blow up whale behind her, aided by a string tied to her wrist. Somehow, tucked under her chubby arms…an enormous super soaker. She could take out an army with it if she only knew how to use it. Kitty, still covered in shyness wore floaties on her arms, nose clips and flippers. Solana was the crowning touch. Child-sized goggles squeezed her face, a short snorkel was quickly stuck back into her mouth and the best piece? A inner tube complete with a cartoon duck adorned her waist.

Gently pulling the snorkel from Solana’s mouth, Nick resisted the strongest urge he’d had with her to date. The desire to kiss this crazy woman was completely taking over. But…he didn’t. Not right. Dammit. “Are we even now?”

“I’d say we’ve completely humiliated ourselves, yeah.”

“Rosalie…who are you planning on getting with that water gun, huh?” Nick bent over and took it from her…thing was about to knock her over.

“You!”

“I was afraid of that. Okay, pool’s out back, drinks are in the frig, uh…I’ve got snacks I’m sure. I’m a really lousy hostess.”

While they had been talking and the boys made their way to scour through kitchen cabinets for snacks, Kitty had snuck a bit deeper into the foyer to unload her “toys” and stood, almost cowering by the couch. “Uh, Nick…”

“Yeah…oh wow.” Turning to see Kitty, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Once she’d removed her goofy stuff and he’d removed his eyes from Solana, he finally saw. She was still dressed in street clothes, but had put on a little make up, done her hair up nice…even found a half way decent shirt and pair of shorts. She looked…dare he say…beautiful. “Kitty…you look great!”

“Oh…yeah, well. Solana helped me…” she touched her face and looked down. “I need to change into my suit somewhere.”

“Bathroom’s second door on your left. Come on out when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, okay…”

Everyone but Kitty made their way outside, Rosalie tugging on the inflatable tube around her mother’s waist and Jack taking practice shots with the super soaker. She walked slowly down the hall, trying desperately not to peek into the open doors. She couldn’t help it. This was Nick Carter’s house. And damn, it was amazing. She’d never seen anything like it except on TV.

She closed and locked the bathroom door, wishing again for a lock on the door at home. Jack and Ben were the best at walking in when privacy was most needed. Looking in the mirror, she too was rendered speechless. She did look good. Solana had brushed her hair out especially nice and even trimmed the ends up real quick. The light make-up job and shiny barrette holding up one side of her hair did make just enough difference. Biting her lip, she turned away from the mirror and dug out the new suit she and Solana picked out…oh yes, and Rosalie. She chose the color.

Stripping off all of her clothes, she stopped again to check herself in the mirror. And then it dawned on her. She was stark naked in Nick Carter’s bathroom. Knowing no one could see her, but feeling very “watched”, she quickly stepped into her suit and slid the cover-up over her head. There was no guarantee the cover-up was ever coming off or she was ever stepping foot in that pool. Just being here took every ounce of nerve she had in her.

Somehow, Kitty made it to the back patio and slid the door open. Just in time to see Nick slide his t-shirt over his head. She must have audibly moaned because, the next thing she knew, Solana’s arm was on hers.

“You okay, sweetie?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah…” she fidgeted with her bag and straightened out her cover-up, “…yeah, I’m okay. I just forgot he’d uh…be in a uh…”

“…bathing suit. Yeah. Nice scenery, huh?”

Kitty looked up to Solana with a start. She’d never heard Miss Romero talk in such a way. It was kind of fun. “Yes. Much better than my brothers.”

“Well, honey, that’s how it should be. Brothers suck…but guys like Nick, now…very special indeed.”

“Yes…” She gazed at the scene in the pool as Nick popped up from underwater shaking his head free of the excess water, totally oblivious of the effect he was having on his female guests.

“You gettin’ in!? It’s not too cold.”

“When Jack does.” She knew he didn’t swim and knew he’d do everything he could to gracefully avoid letting anyone know. Yeah, it was a foul play. He had probably earned it recently.

“Yeah, Jack…you’re not wet yet!” Splashing water Jack’s way, Nick stopped seeing the look of fear on his face.

Jack said nothing. Jack said everything.

Nick caught it and hushed Ben, feeling the torment rising in the bigger brother. “Hey…” diving underwater again and popping up at Jack’s dangling feet, he tugged gently at them. “…you a swimmer?”

“Not really, no.”

“I had you on that boat and you didn’t tell me you couldn’t swim?”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t let me on.”

“I’d have made sure you were jacketed up more is all…come on in. I’ll help you.”

“You’ll help me swim?”

“Sure…we’ll start down there where it’s shallow.”

“I dunno…”

Hiking himself up onto the edge of the pool, Nick leaned into whisper to Jack. “Come on, Bud…let’s see if we can get Kitty in here. Open her up a bit more, huh?”

Jack looked up to Nick, smiling at him and knowing he could trust him. He’d not felt that way around anyone other than the random teacher and Miss Romero in a long, long time…it felt good. Really good. “Okay. I’ll try.”

Looking up to Kitty, he pleaded one more time. “Okay, Kitty…he’s getting’ in…you’re next! And then, Miss Romero…you’re looking WAY to dry over there.”

“Yes sir…ladies are on their way. Let me strap up Rosalie here.”

She put the swimming vest on her daughter and took Kitty by the hand. “Ready, ladies?”

“Ready, Mami!”

“Kitty?”

With a deep sigh, another glance at Nick and a realization that Miss Romero was not going to let her get out of this, she stood up and made a step forward. “Yep. I’m ready. Totally and completely ready.”

“Hang on, Jack…I’ll pull you.”

“I’m hangin’…don’t go too deep.” Nick started walking backwards in the water while Jack held onto his arms and tried to keep his feet up and kicking. It had taken Nick almost an hour to get Jack to do this much. How does a kid grow up in Florida and not know how to swim? Ben and Kitty, while not pros, were comfortable and safe. Even Rosalie held her own pretty well.

“It won’t be over my head, you’re good.”

“It’ll be over MY head! Stop! Stop!”

“Jack, I’ve got you…I’m not letting go. You’re fine. Keep kicking.”

“I’m scared. I don’t like to get my eyes wet.”

“Are your eyes in the water?”

“No…”

“Then they’re not gonna get wet…let go of my arms…we’re gonna push out.”

“Nick…”

“Jack…”

Nick gently pushed Jack back so his arms were extended and Jack had to keep his whole body perpendicular in the water. He was doing great despite his whining.

“You’re doing it! Look at you!”

All eyes turned to the voice.

Ben.

It even shocked himself. But when Jack heard it, he got an air of determination that he hadn’t had before. He started kicking stronger, relaxing his body and trusting Nick completely. He was doing it.

“That’s it…okay, ready to try something else?”

“Yeah…I think so…my legs are getting tired.”

Nick pulled him to the shallow end and had him stand up. Even that was new. Since the water was up to his chest, he didn’t like to stand there either. “You good?”

“I’m good…now what? And why is everyone watchin’ me?”

“We’re proud of you, Jack…and tired of cartin’ you around!” Solana got Kitty’s attention and invited her inside to help Nick play hostess. There had to be more food somewhere in that house. Rosalie followed her mom in like a baby duck…with an invisible cord attached.

“She’s no help.” Knowing Miss Romero was joking, Jack glanced his brother’s way one more time. He couldn’t believe he was feeling encouraged by him. This was a first.

Squatting down in the water so his face was close to the surface, Nick invited Jack to do the same.

“Will I get my eyes wet?”

“Not yet…how do you wash your face, man?”

“By squeezing my eyes shut.”

“You can do that here too, you goof…but now, just your chin and mouth, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay…” Jack squatted the small amount needed and watched Nick.

“All I want you to do is blow bubbles. As long as you can. When you run out of breath, start over.”

“I feel like a dork.”

“You are a dork…now blow bubbles. I’ll do it with you.”

“I thought I was the twit.”

“Blow bubbles…twit.” Nick started, trying not to giggle as Jack squeezed his eyes tight and barely touched the surface with his lips. “Come on…get your face in there…”

Taking a quick breath, Jack stuck his tongue out at Nick and went for it again, getting his face lower this time.

“That’s the way…now, hang on to my arms again…we’re moving. You be the motor.”

Hearing a splash behind him, Nick was startled when he felt a weight on his shoulders. “Can I ride back here?”

Ben again. What had gotten into this kid. He was rarely affectionate and only when Nick instigated it. Whatever it was, Nick liked it. He didn’t feel like he had to measure every move he made with the kid.

“Yep, wrap your legs around me…Jack, legs up…start your engines….and we’re off!”

After a few laps of the three man motor boat, Nick had Jack stop blowing and just start holding his breath, still keeping his eyes out of the water. Then…it was time for the final test.

“Okay, Ben…off my back and Jack, feet down. Time to go under.”

“Under!?”

“Under…water. Ben’s gonna do it with us.” Looking up to see Kitty peek back outside, he waved her in. “So’s Kitty. You’ve got half of your family here…you can do it.”

“No pressure…god. Okay.”

“Okay, let’s get in a circle…hold hands. Now, we don’t hold each other down there…just hold hands and Jack leads when we pop back up, okay?”

“I dunno…” Jack wasn’t so sure he could trust his brother. Which is exactly why Nick was doing this.

“I do.” Centering his gaze on Ben, he explained what they were going to do. “You know how to hold your breath. You count to three, Jack…we’ll all go under with you and you pop up when you need to…we’ll follow.”

“No one will hold me down?”

“Nope. You can blow out of your nose or mouth so water doesn’t get up your nose when you come up if you want.”

Big sigh. A hand squeeze from his big sister. A nod of confidence from his brother. A look that said nothing but success from Nick. Okay. He could do this. Clenching his eyes as tight as he possibly could, he crossed a new comfort zone. “I’m ready…one…two…three!”

Down the foursome went and only a few seconds later, all four popped back up, waiting expectantly for Jack’s reaction.

“I did it! I did it! Let’s do it again!” He’d never opened his eyes, but he was counting to three again. Four down. Four up. Count to three. Four down. Four up. Count to three. In one quick pop-up, Nick saw Solana struggling with a tray full of food and pitcher of lemonade, and quietly let go of the siblings hands to go help. Motioning for Kitty not to say anything, the Casey’s continued counting, dunking and rising to Jack’s delight. He never knew Nick had left.

“You got it?” Dripping all over the place, Nick took the tray from Solana looking at all the food she’d found…where the hell? “Where’d you find this stuff?”

“You had chicken in your freezer…just made a quick chicken salad. I’m hungry.”

“You hire out? I need a cook.”

“Uh, no…how’s it going out here?” Sitting the pitcher on the table, she looked out to the pool and didn’t even hide her surprise. “Oh my Go-…how’d you…look at them!”

“Amazing, huh? Jack’s doing great…”

“They all are, Nick…”

“Yeah, I guess they are. I’m just glad he’s goin’ under.”

“I’m just glad they’re working together…that’ll take them far.”

“Yeah, I suppose it will.”

“You can’t go it alone, Nick…everybody needs somebody.”

What a true statement it was…so who was Nick’s somebody? As nice as these kids were, who was he supposed to lean on when the water was too scarey?

“¡Agárreme, Nick! ¡Agárreme!”

Nick stood in the pool with Rosalie on the edge, swimming vest tied on tightly and chubby arms held out while she bounced. With body language alone, he knew what she wanted. But, “en inglés, por favor.” Nick was learning too.

“English, Rosalie…”

She let out a noise of exasperation and slapped her arms down…as down as she could with the vest on. It was time for a test. Arms up, big grin and a new try.

“No. ¡Agárreme!”

“I’ll come back when you’re speaking English.” She was a tough one to fight. Fiery eyes, curls bouncing, that stinkin’ vest eating up her entire mid-section. Too adorable. Too much like her mommy…stubborn as a mule.

“¡Agárreme!”

“English.” Nick ducked under the water and swam away from her, finding Jack and tickling his sides and he popped up behind him.

“¡Agárreme!” Now she was outright screaming. It’d surely bring Solana back in from cleaning up dinner. Nick had tried to get her to leave it, but she insisted. That woman could not sit still.

“What’s she want?” Kitty was almost comfortable now…after four hours, it was about time. She didn’t look down so much when Nick approached and she was starting to splash around with Ben more. She felt great.

“She wants me to catch her…which I’ll do when she asks in English.”

“Aw, go get her, Nick…she’s gonna have a fit.”

“Then she’ll have a fit. Solana’s firm on this…I’m gonna follow it.”

Kitty thought she’d give her shot at the little imp. Leaving the boys to work on Jack’s swimming, she made her way over to the screaming child.

“Whatcha need, Rosalie?”

“Nick. Need Nick.”

“Can’t Kitty help you?”

“Sí. Go get Nick.”

“Will you talk in English to him?”

“No.”

“Then I think you’re out of luck.”

“Get Nick, por favor.”

“Nope…sorry. Want me to get Mommy?”

“Nick.”

Hiking herself up to the edge to sit next to the orange vested child, Kitty pulled her hair around to squeeze out the water, purposely dribbling some on Rosalie’s toes.

“AH! Cold!”

“Yep…so you like Nick, huh?”

“Sí.”

“So do I.”

“No, no, no, no, no, no! Rosalie’s Nick. Mommy’s Nick. Not Kitty’s Nick.”

“Oh…you think he’s yours ?”

“Sí. My Nick. Get him.”

Shaking her head, Kitty slipped back into the pool and swam over to the wild boys. Water was everywhere and suddenly Jack didn’t seem to mind that his eyes were getting wet. Amazing. Popping up in the middle of their splash fight, Kitty brought back her arms and pushed a huge wave of water right to Nick, taking him completely by surprise.

“What the!? Kitty! You little shi-…” stopping himself, he just did the next best thing. Fought back. With no consolation for a “girl”…if you’re going to fight that hard, he was going to fight that hard back. And Kitty was a fight. And quick. Before Nick knew it, he was splashing water at no one. She’d snuck under water and swam away. The little cheater.

“Kitty…you…” Hearing the boys laughing and Rosalie’s squeals of delight, he had to pursue…this was too much fun.

Screaming when she saw him approaching from her spot in the deeper end of the pool, she quickly made her way to the edge and popped out of the water. Rosalie had since forgotten her initial request and was clapping and cheering in delight at their show.

“What, Mr. Carter…I’m too much for you?”

“You’re too much alright…you don’t play fair.”

“All’s fair in love and war…”

Nick pulled himself out of the pool and started chasing the teen until…

…she found Solana and hid behind her.

“Oh, not nice. She’s all dry and stuff.”

“Yes, I am…” Solana wrapped an arm behind her to hold onto Kitty, helping guard her, even though the girl was taller than the woman by a good four or five inches.

“That can be changed you know.”

“You wouldn’t.” The girls started backing up from a slowly approaching Nick, shaking their heads and never letting go of each other. He wouldn’t.

“I wouldn’t, would I? What makes you think I’m so nice?”

Ben and Jack had joined Rosalie on the side lines cheering on Nick. The girls were in this one alone.

“Uh…well…look at you…” They continued backing up, tripping over furniture and hose, trying to plead their case. “You’re cute…and…”

“Sexy…” Miss Romero, of course.

“Uh-huh…still doesn’t make me nice.”

“…and, and…you taught Jack to swim, and…and…”

“…uh-huh…”

“…and, um…Kitty, help me out here. I’m thinking he’s not so nice.”

“I’m thinking you’re right.”

With that Nick pounced, picking both girls up at the same time and smoothly tossing them into the deep end of the pool, brushing his hands with satisfaction. “No more Mr. Nice Guy.”

As his victory dance was beginning, he got the start of his life. Without warning, he heard two young male voices screaming as they ran toward him from behind and then…

**SPLASH!!!**

He was in, spitting and spewing, flipping wet hair everywhere, trying to figure out which way was up.

“I thought you were on my side!”

“We changed our minds, old man. You’re wet.”

“You’re dead.”

Looking around him, Ben shrugged his shoulders and plopped down on a chaise. “Nope. I’m feeling real good, thanks.”

"¡Agárreme! ¡Agárreme, Nick!"

Tired of the grown up's games, Rosalie was back on her warpath. Nick wasn't sure he could be so stubborn with her this time. So far, she was the only one who hadn't turned on him. "I don't understand you, Rosalie."

"You not nice, Nick…"

"Now, yesterday you said I was a good boy."

Putting her hands on her hips and leaning on one foot, looking way too grown up for her age, Rosalie finally caved. "Catch me, good boy."

"Ah…that's my girl. Jump!" He held up his arms and grabbed on tight as her body connected with his hands, only her feet skimming across the surface of the water.

Squeezing his neck one more time before pulling back to look at her new friend, she planted a big, wet kiss on him. "My Nicky. You catch me."

“Hey, Liz! Where have you been hiding?”

Little Liz scrunched up her nose and turned on her heel, storming to the back of the house without saying a word. Nothing. Not ‘hello’, not ‘I’ll get Ben’, not ‘kiss my ass’. What the hell?

Nick stepped in, even though he was officially uninvited by the day’s doorman and called into the house for Ben.

“In a minute…hang on!”

Nick took a look around, amazed at the job Miss Casey had done cleaning this room up. She was obviously going room by room because the dining room where the boys slept was still a pit, but this room was looking good…as good as it could anyway.

Ben appeared from the hallway, drying his hair with a towel, showing off a painful looking sunburn from their days together in the sun.

“Oh man…does that hurt?”

“Yes, like a bitch. Especially in the shower.”

“Shower, huh?”

“Shut up. You’re right…I like being clean. Sorta. I hate greasy hair anyway.”

“Good…did your mom clean up the bathroom too?”

“Enough. I think some of it is too far gone. Might need new tile or something, but at least we can get in there.”

“You almost ready?”

“Yep, lemme find a shirt and we can go. Just us today, right?”

“Yeah…just us. We’re due.”

Both blondes turned quickly hearing a loud groan of disgust and a door slamming further down the hall.

“What the…”

“Liz…she’s pissed at you.”

“I figured. What’d I do?”

“Took all of us swimming. She feels left out.”

“Oh shit…I didn’t even…” Nick walked down the hall and raised his hand to knock on her bedroom door.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you…she bites.”

“I’ll live.”

“No, I mean really bites. You’ll have teeth marks if she opens that door.”

“Oh…well, maybe I’ll let her calm down. We’ll get her next time we swim.”

“That’s what we all told her, but…she’s stubborn.”

“Ah, the oddball in the family. No one else here is.”

Ben tossed his towel at Nick, found a shirt and held the door open, waiting for Nick to convince himself that he’d wait to deal with Liz.

“Trust me, man…give her time.”

“But it’s already been days…almost a week.”

“I know. She’s gone 2 weeks without talking to me before. You’re not special.”

“No, I suppose I’m not…okay, let’s go.”

“Oooh! Oooh! Can we stop and watch here first?”

“Little league? Yeah, sure…” Nick pulled the truck into the gravel parking lot and found a spot while Ben gazed almost longingly out the window at the dusty boys and girls playing all varieties of baseball, t-ball and softball. “Have you played?”

“Nope. Mom can never come up with the registration money.”

“Well, that’s no good…it’s too late to join this summer isn’t it?”

“This season, yeah. This is tournaments I think. They start another season after the fourth.”

“Wanna play?”

“You serious?”

“Yeah…you have to get yourself to practices.”

“Oh wow…yeah. Jack would…mmm…nevermind.” Ben stopped himself. Miss Romero had talked to him about expecting Nick to be a money bag for him. Normally, he didn’t even think about it, but when one gift came it was really easy to quickly ask for another. He couldn’t believe that Nick had bought him that PlayStation 2 for his birthday, but before he knew it, he was editing himself to not ask for an Xbox. As much as Jack would want to play ball…this was Nick’s idea and Nick’s money. He’d wait.

“I bet he’d like to play too, huh?”

“Yeah…but…I mean…”

“It’s okay, Ben. You guys should be doing stuff like this. Keep you busy.” They walked up the paved path to a game of boys that looked to be Ben’s age and hiked up to the back row of the visitor risers. “You know anyone playing?”

“I think Steve’s team is red. Might be these guys.”

“Cool. I haven’t met him before, have I?”

“Nope. He couldn’t come to my party. His mom…well…” Ben looked down, and then around making sure the woman wasn’t there.

“What?”

“She thinks our house…I dunno what she thinks, but Steve’s not allowed over.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Ron’s mom doesn’t care, but…”

“Doesn’t seem real fai-…woah! Nice hit! Dang…how old are these guys?”

“My age…shit…that was Steve!”

“Man…kid can hit.”

They continued to watch the game and after a few more nice hits from his teammates, Steve was crossing home plate, getting high fives from his friends and a traditional butt swat from his coach.

“Hey, Steve…great hit, man!”

“Ben! Hey!” Steve grabbed his water bottle and made his way to the side of the risers to greet Ben, genuinely happy to see him. “What have you been doing all summer?”

“Eh, not much. Hangin’.”

Checking out the older blonde, Steve took a swig of water, definitely unimpressed. “Who’s this? Your new dad?”

“No, asshole, this is Nick. He’s my ment-…” turning his gaze to Nick, he had to smile. Mentor, schmentor…it didn’t matter. “He’s my friend.”

“Oh.” Shrugging and seeing that it was time to take the field, Steve knocked Ben on the kneecap with his bottle. “I gotta go. Come over sometime…we’ll raise some hell again.”

“Yeah, okay…” Ben absent-mindedly scooted in closer to Nick as they watched Steve take his place at first base. “That was weird.”

“How’s that?”

“I felt like I was talking to a stranger. When did he go and change?”

“Maybe he’s not the one who changed, Ben…maybe it’s you.”

“My Nick! Why you here?”

Rosalie had been looking out of her living room window when she saw him pull up. Running outside with nothing but pink panties on, she jumped up in his arms and let him carry her inside the house. “Where are your clothes, young lady?”

“Mommy’s doin’, uh…doin’…oh shoot.”

“What?”

“I forgot word…” She squirreled her way out of his arms and pulled on his hand, leading him to the back of the house. “Come.”

“Where we goin’?”

“Come.” She pulled him into a hallway he’d not seen before and opened the door. Washer and drier.

“Ah…laundry. She’s doing laundry.”

“Yes! Laundry.” She smacked her forehead and took hold of his hand again. “Come see my room.”

She pulled him into a very pink and purple room and pushed him to sit on the bed. When he did, he squeaked…or, his backside did. “Oh…what’d I sit on?”

“My mouse…he’s noisy.” Nick leaned over and she grabbed the stuffed animal out from under him. When sitting back up, Nick looked around only to find…

…his face. Only twice, but it was weird. “You have pictures of me on your wall?”

“Yep. My Nicky.” She crawled up on her bed and walked over to his picture, planting a big kiss on his lips. “Kiss goodnight…all nights.”

“You do, huh? Does it ever kiss back?”

“No, silly…it’s a picture. You kiss back!” Hopping off the bed, she went to a small drawing desk. “See, Aaron too. You hang for me?”

“You want me to hang Aaron?” He’d wanted to do that a number of times, but figured that’s not what she meant.

“Yes. You tall. Lemme get sticky stuff.”

He watched her curls as they bounced one minute second slower than her body. He also forgot why he even came over. This was too much fun.

“Okay, here. Hang Aaron, por favor.”

“Where do you want him?”

“By my Nicky.” Smacking the spots on the walls, she spelled it out for him. “My Nicky here. My Aaron here.”

“Your Aaron too? You’ve got too many boyfriends going.” He pulled off little globs of poster tack and stuck them on the back. It felt weird sticking blue gunk on Lance’s left arm, but the girl had made her choice. It was to be an Aaron poster, not an *NSync one.

“Nope. You brothers. You share me.”

Nick had to stop trying to line up the poster for that one…too much. She was too much. He finally stopped laughing only to see her standing and watching him with one hand on her hip…much like she had at the pool-side. “What funny?”

“You are, Rosalie…okay, that look straight?”

“Yep. I kiss him tonight.”

“Yes, kiss him tonight and me tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. You want to see Mami?”

“Yeah…is she busy?”

“Nope, come on.”

“Mami! Mami! Look who here!”

From behind the closed door, Nick could hear an unhappy Solana and lots of unintelligible Spanish.

“Rosalie, te dije q estoy ocupada. ¿Qué necesitas?”

Rosalie opened the bedroom door without a thought and Solana continued mumbling in Spanish, turning quickly when the door hit the wall.

“Rosalie! ¡Golpeamos antes de ent-! Oh shit!” Seeing Nick outside, she slammed the door closed and pulled her robe tighter around her body.

Echoing Solana’s reaction was Nick’s own ‘oh shit’ and Rosalie just stood there, tears welling up in her eyes, confused as to why everyone seemed to upset.

“Nick…what I do?”

“Uh, let’s go back to your room, sweetie. Mommy wasn’t dressed.”

“I not dressed!”

“Yeah, but, um…let’s just…let’s get you dressed and then we’ll all be even, huh?” Dear God. Totally stark naked under that robe. Totally. He could barely breathe. Lovely as she was, not quite what he had in mind when he came over today.

“Okay…my shirt got stuck.”

Sitting back down on her bed as the small child picked up a shirt that had been previously discarded on the floor, he realized what she said, clear thinking slowly returning. “Your shirt got stuck?”

“Yes…see?” She pulled it over her head and tugged, unable to get her head through the neck hole.

“Oh…your head’s stuck…come here. Lemme help.”

“No! No! No! It hurts!”

“Nah, it won’t come here, we’ll count to three and pull real fast…”

“In Spanish…you must learn Spanish.”

Giggling at her lecture…sounding so serious from inside a t-shirt, he took hold and started to wiggle it over her head. “Okay, uno….dos….tres!” One swift yank and her pretty curls and brown eyes were through. “There…you’re not stuck. Got any shorts?”

“Yep, in here. I want pink.”

With little effort they finished getting her dressed and she picked up her lecture right where it left off. “You can count in Spanish!”

“Eh, how do you say ‘a little’?”

“Un poquito.”

“Sí. Un poquito.”

“Where you learn?”

“Sesame Street.”

“Ah, that nothing! You learn more.”

“We sang in Spanish a few times…I just didn’t know what we were saying.”

“Oh yeah…” She started bouncing on the bed, knocking stuffed animals on the floor and almost causing Nick to join them. “Sing in Spanish, Nicky! Sing for me!”

“I don’t know if I remember, Rosalie…that was a long time ago.”

“You ‘member…sing Spanish for me!”

“Oh, Rosalie…I dunno.”

“Come on, Nicky.” The bouncing continued until she landed in his lap and held his face in her hands. “Sing Spanish, Nicky…”

“You don’t like the word ‘no’, do you?”

“You no say ‘no’. Sing.”

Shaking his head and leaning his forehead into hers, he made a quick check of the words and started. “Donde quieras yo iré, al fin del mundo llegaré; lo que quieras yo hare, sin preguntas sin porqués.” Stopping for a check, he looked up into her big brown eyes, only to see them closed. They popped open when he stopped.

“More! More!”

“Ugh…okay…lemme see if I remember more…” He took another mental check and continued the song, hoping he didn’t butcher it up too badly. “Tu amor por lo que puedo ver, es lo que necesitaré; y algo que absolutamente se,” almost whispering the next line, the little girl actually moaned, “oh , yo lo se.” Giggling, he finished…quite proud that he’d remembered. “Que nena donde quieras yo iré.”

“Yay! Nicky! You sing pretty!”

“Thank you…”

“She’s quite right…”

Looking up to the older female voice, Nick immediately blushed. As did she. “Lani, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s okay…not your fault. I’m still packing, so if you wanna talk, you’ll have to come to my room and watch me work.”

“Oh…I can come back another time. Almost forgot why I’m here anyway.”

“Come on…you’ll remember. And Miss Rosalie…”

“Yes, Mami…” She knew she was in trouble by the tone in her mother’s voice.

“Thanks for keeping Nick busy. He gets into trouble easy.”

“Hey! I’m not the one waltzing around half naked like you two.”

“And that’s the biggest tragedy of all now, isn’t it?”

“Are you sure this is okay? I didn’t meant to interrupt.” Nick picked up a stack of clothes from an old rocking chair and sat down. He didn’t want to leave, but the timing was definitely bad.

“Yep. I’m leaving in about an hour anyway. Here…I’ll take those. Time to be packed.”

“Where you headed?”

“Atlantic coast. My mom and I share a condo every year. She gets three nights, me and Rosalie get four.”

“You know…we have ocean right out here…”

“Do we? I hadn’t seen it. I’ll check it out sometime. Bend down and grab those sandals, would you?”

Handing her the shoes, he bopped her on the behind with them and sat back down. “You know what I mean…why drive three hours when we have it right here?”

“We have a gulf…which is nice, but I like to stand on shore and see nothing but water. Better surf too. I just like it there. You boys should come…hey, come Thursday for the fourth. Ben and Jack will love it.”

“Nah, that’s your vacation. You don’t need us invading.”

“You’re not invading if you’ve been invited, Nick. Seriously. You don’t have to travel this week do you?”

“Nope. I’m home, I think.”

“Well, come on out. We’re there ‘til Saturday morning. Two bedrooms, a roll away…plenty of room for a girls room and a boys room.” She opened a drawer and pulled out a few bras and panties. “Close your eyes...”

“What?”

“Close ‘em…you’ve seen enough of me today, thank you.”

Seeing what was in her hands, he chuckled and smacked a hand over his eyes. “Oh yeah…quite enough.”

“If Ben hears about that, by the way, I’ll have your head.”

“My lips are sealed. Can I open?”

“Oh…yeah, open. And seriously…talk to Patty. I’m sure she’d be okay with that far of a trip. And she won’t have to worry about Ben getting into trouble with fireworks and stuff.”

“Yeah, I’ll ask. Liz is gonna kill me, though.”

“Oh, she jealous?”

“Yup. Totally dogged me yesterday.”

“Uh oh…don’t talk to her then. She’ll bite you.”

“That’s what I hear. Didn’t think she had it in her.”

“Oh, she’s a sweetie ‘til you piss her off. Then…well, don’t take bare flesh anywhere near her or it’ll be in pain before you know it.”

“Nice.”

“Okay…I think…” taking a quick look around her room and a peek into her bathroom, she shut and zipped the suitcase. “…that about does it. Sometimes getting ready to go is more work than it’s worth.”

“I hate packing.”

“I bet…you probably feel like you live out of a suitcase sometimes, huh?”

“Yeah, been weird bein’ home this long. I keep running into my cleaning lady. Haven’t seen her in like…a year.”

“She’s probably thrilled you’re hanging around. I hated when my clients were home when I cleaned.”

“You used to clean houses?” Now that’d be a cleaning lady he’d like to bump into!

“Yup…worked my way through college that way. Hated it. You rich people are pigs.”

“Money doesn’t make you a pig.”

“Ah…good point. I guess I just never had that much and if I did, I’d take better care of it. Appreciate it more.”

“Well, I’m learning that now…I’m lucky to have what I do.”

“Yes, you are. You’ve worked for it, but it could be gone tomorrow.” Grunting as she pulled the suitcase off her bed, she plopped down and took its place on the edge. “So, Nick, I’m sure you didn’t come to see me naked and packing…why are you here today?”

Still contemplating her comment about losing it all, he sat for a few more moments in silence and came to only when she snapped her fingers. “Hello?”

“Oh…yeah…sorry. Little league. Can I pay for Ben, Jack and maybe Liz to sign up for the second season?”

“That’s a lot of practices for them to keep straight…they want to do it?”

“Yeah. Ben and I went to a game yesterday. I’ve taken him to the batting cages before and he’s good at that anyway. I’m going to be working more the next few months and won’t be able to entertain them so much.”

“Hmm…well, if they think they can do all the practices. Their responsibility is part of the game.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to them…let you know about coming out to the condo too.”

“Yep, just call my cell.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, Nick not wanting to leave, Solana not wanting him to either, but not sure what could be done about it.

“Nick?” God, he was beautiful. The light was shining through her blinds and shimmering off his sun-bleached hair just perfectly. She couldn’t think this way.

“Yeah?” God, she was beautiful. The light was shining through her blinds and shimmering off her chocolate colored hair just perfectly. He couldn’t think this way.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Coming into all of our lives. I like how this is working out.”

“I’m just sorry how it happened.”

“Me too. But it did and look at the good that’s come in such a short time already.”

“Yeah, I still can’t quite believe it.”

“Me either…but you’ve made an impact, and I thank you.”

“So have they, Lani…so have they.”

“Oh, it’s you again.” Liz scowled and turned away, letting the screen door almost hit Nick in the nose yet again. He was becoming entirely too acquainted with that action at this house.

“Liz…come on…I brought you something.” Nick let himself in, wondering how well his plan would go over. It wasn’t starting out well, that was for sure.

“So? You can’t buy my angry away.”

“I’m not trying to buy it away, Liz…”

Finally giving him the time of day, the imp turned back to him, hands firmly in place on her hips (he seemed to be evoking that little move quite often too) and waited for an explanation. “Then why’d you buy me something?”

“Because I saw it and knew you’d like it…how ‘bout if I just leave it here and you can get it when you’re not so angry with me.” He put the bag on the couch and smiled as Ben came in from the kitchen licking his fingers.

“Hey…you guys ready?”

“How many days are we staying there?”

“Just ‘til tomorrow. I still don’t feel right about messin’ up their vacation.”

“She invited us…” Ben found his bag in a corner of the dining room and started stuffing in shirts, shorts, underwear and trunks with little concern for the details. Startling both Nick and Liz, Ben called to his younger brother. “Jack! Get in here and pack!”

“Yeah, yeah…I’m comin’. Just grab a shirt and shorts…I don’t care. I’m wearing my trunks the whole time anyway.” Jack offered Nick a cursory smile and disappeared down the hall to his mother’s room.

“Goin’ swimmin’ again without me, huh?”

“Liz…we’re taking a long drive. When I get back…” exasperated with her stubbornness, he grabbed the bag from the couch and shoved it in her hands. “Will you just open this?”

“Fine.” She angrily opened the bag and sat on the couch slowly, seeing what was inside.

“Jak and Daxter? It’s a video game…and…a bathing suit!”

“When we get back we’ll make a date so you can come swimming, okay?”

“Yeah…okay. But you’re taking Ben and Jack. I won’t be able to figure this game out.”

“I’ll help you, Liz…” Kitty appeared from the hallway, still looking lovely. Her hair was clean and brushed, and her cheeks were still slightly sun kissed from their day at Nick’s pool. Maybe she was getting outside more. She just looked…together.

“You don’t know how to play.”

“Well, we’ll figure it out together.”

“It’s kind of like Final Fantasy for kids. Role playing and stuff.” Nick stood when the Jack returned, ready to hit the road. “Did you give your mom the number to the condo?”

“Yep. It’s on the frig. Let’s get out of here.”

“Oh wait! I found my Bionicle. I wanna take him.” Jack scurried onto the floor, crawling to his bed and grabbing a red plastic robotic thing before standing back up. “Okay, now I’m ready.”

“What the hell’s a Bionicle?”

“Oh God, Nick…don’t ask.” Ben was impatiently waiting at the door and definitely not happy his brother had brought this toy.

“Why not?”

“You’ll regret it…believe me.”

Nick looked into his rearview mirror to see Jack still playing and manipulating the strange toy, whispering to himself, making little boy noises from his imagination. He remembered. No critters like this one, but a boy could make a playmate out of just about anything.

“So Jack, you never told me…what is that thing you’re playing with?”

“Oh God, here we go…” Ben slid lower in his seat, and leaned his head on the door.

Nick shot a look of curious disgust to the teen and looked in the rear view mirror again waiting for Jack’s answer.

“It’s a Bionicle.”

“Yeah, you said that…what’s a Bionicle?”

“Bionicles are strange robotic creatures.”

He wasn’t a fount of information…what was Ben’s problem with this? “I see that, Jack…but…do you build them or something?”

“Yeah, they’re made by Lego and have all of these parts.”

“What makes ‘em so special?”

“A lot of them have some elemental powers at their command.”

Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. “Ah, that sounds cool. Where did they get the powers?”

“In the comics they say the great beings gave them the power and they sent them to the island of Mata-Nui. Six of them, um…wait, let me think…” Jack stopped and counted something off on his fingers, “actually 18 of them, can transform into different things by combining powers. Like the creatures called Tahunga can morph into this big powerful Tahunga. And the heroes of the legend are the Toa…”

Nick was already getting Ben’s issue. He was like a wind-up toy. Ask the right question and he was off. Nick gave Ben an apologetic glance and Ben responded with a mouthed, “I told you!”

“Sorry…” Turning his attention to the back seat, Nick realized Jack had never quit talking.

“…make a thing called a Toa Kedia. Another three…Lewa, Gali and Kapoka combine powers and make another Toa Kedia.”

“Do those guys have names too?”

“Yes, they both have names. The one with Tahu, Puhatu and Onua is Akmaima. And the other one is…” He knocked himself on his head with his fist, trying to remember, “shoot…I can’t remember his name. Anyway, the Traga, the leaders of each village….all 6 of them will combine powers. And the villains of the sets called Rahi, they have leaders that you can build by getting a Rahi set.”

Nick turned to Ben with the classic ‘ah-ha’ face. It was all clear now. Build a toy that needs more toys to make the story come true…a great way to make money.

“The new villains called Bohrok, they morph like the Toa.”

“Regretting it yet?”

“Not yet…this is cool.” Shaking his head as Ben smacked his head back onto the door, Nick decided to egg Jack on a bit more. If nothing else, it was funny to be pissing off Ben. “So, Jack, are these dudes powerful by themselves…without combining?”

“Yes, but really, they don’t control themselves. The things in their heads called Krena do.”

“Krena??? How did they get in their heads?”

Jack wiggled his fingers and lowered his voice to sound mysterious. “It’s unknown.”

“Of course…so what kinds of powers do these dudes have?”

“Bohrok?”

“Any of them.”

“Well, the Kohrak, they can freeze molten lava.”

“Why would you need to do that!?”

“Because they usually travel around Ta-Kora.”

Nick looks over to Ben and mouths, “Of course…”

Ben finally giggles and perks up, still nauseated at his brother’s obsession with this plastic toy.

“So, the Lehvak, they can squirt acid that will eat anything on Mata-Nui. And the Gahlok can squirt out water.” He leans up to Nick’s seat and whispers, “You may wonder why.”

“Hey, hey…sit back, bud…where’s your seat belt?”

“Right here…” Jack lifts the limply buckled belt to Nick’s view in the rearview mirror.

“Tighten that up, bucko…I don’t need 8 yr. old brain stains on my dash.”

“Jeez…okay, okay.” Jack tightened his belt and continued without losing a beat. “So, the Gahlok turn their enemies into water so they’re invincible to the enemy. Um, and uh, the Tohnak can burn anything in their path. And the Nohvok, they can bury tunnels under the ground.

“You mean dig tunnels?”

“Yeah, dig tunnels under the ground.”

“So, who’s their enemy?” Nick stuck his tongue out at Ben who was practically under the seat now having slid so far down with irritation at this entire conversation. It was going to be a long damned drive.

“Enemy of the Bohrok or the Toa?”

“Whoever. I’m confused.”

“Probably because of all these strange words…”

“Yeah…”

“The Bohrok’s enemies are everything on the Island of Mata-Nui except the other Bohrok. The Toa’s basically is the same thing.”

“So it’s a survival of the species sort of thing?”

“Now I’m confused.”

“Um…you’re just trying to save your own kind from each other.”

“Yeah, that’s about it.” Barely taking in another breath, Jack kept right on going and Ben was about to jump out. It was getting comical. “But more about the Toa. They will gather the krena from fallen Bohrok and use them to use their powers and get to the very heart of the swarm.”

“The swarm?”

“I mean the nest…they came out of nests and they gather up ones like them…become a swarm and attack the island. Kinda crazy. Anyway, 6 exoskeletons will increase the Toa’s power. And they’ll use the skeletons to increase power…”

“So, Ben…I signed you up for baseball. All three of you.”

Ben looked to Nick and giggled, still hearing Jack talking, totally oblivious that he was being ignored.

“….Then, the Toa combine forces and create a cell that even the mightiest of Bohrok can’t escape…”

“You did, huh? When does it start?”

“Couple of weeks. I can come to a few games, but you’re on your own for practices. I need to cut back on our time a bit.”

“…which is the queen of course. That’s how Exo comes.”

Turning his attention back to Jack, Nick picked up like he hadn’t missed a word. “Exo???”

“Exo-toa.”

“I’m afraid to ask…”

“It’s a power of Toa. Only it’s not normally how they transform with 3 and 3…this time all 6 combine into one mighty…”

“He doesn’t stop, does he?”

“Nope. I told you you’d regret it.”

“I should have listened.”

“Yep…so why do you have to cut back on our time?”

“I have to work more. Winding up my album and stuff…lots of crap to do.”

Glancing back at Jack, Nick shook his head as the boy continued…still unaware of his inattentive audience. “…this is Tahu. He’s the strongest of all of them. Wait…I didn’t tell you about the Toa’s special powers.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Nick! God!”

“Shhh…at least he’s not singing.”

“Okay, you’ve got a point.”

“Tahu, this one…he’s the leader of the group. His special attack is to shoot lava out of his sword of flames.”

“You told me this one, didn’t you?”

“No, that was the Bohrok.”

“Oh, they have similar powers?”

“Yeah, and the Kapoka can freeze an entire avalanche with just one simple touch.” Jack whispers again, this time staying securely fastened in his seat. “Just log onto Bionicle.com and you can see that happen.”

“How do YOU do that…you don’t have a computer.”

“I go to the library and to my friends house…ANYway, Gali, she’s the only girl, she can make a huge ball of water by holding her hooks up like…”

Seeing Jack going visual with his discussion, Nick looks to Ben who has decided to dig into his backpack for some travel activity. A pad of paper and a pen. Some of his previous work slipped onto the floor.

“You draw?”

“Yep…all the time. Cartoons and stuff. Dragons…”

“Why didn’t I know this?”

“Cuz you never asked??? I dunno. I’ve got some of my stuff with me. I’ll show you at the condo.”

“Yeah. I’d like that. I do cartooning too. Or, I used to. Not so much anymore.”

“You’re kidding…you should start it back up. I love it.”

“Yeah, I should. Dear God, he’s not shut up yet.”

“Told you.”

“…you can see more of the special attacks by logging into Bionicle.com and click on ‘chronicle’, click on ‘movies’ and click on ‘the Toa defeat Makuta’ and ‘the Bohrok are revealed’.”

“Does he need water or something? Has he even taken a breath?”

“Yeah, he needs water…let’s stop.”

“Okay, Jack, I’m exhausted. Where is the Island of Mata…whatever?”

“Mata-Nui. Well, it used to be on earth…which was the only thing on earth. In the time before time. That doesn’t make any sense does it?”

“Yeah, in your imagination it does…”

“Yep. So, that’s Bionicles. Can we get me some more?”

“What!? You want more of these?”

“Yes! All my friends have every Toa and every Bohrok. Then there’s other stuff and the best one…the master builder set.”

“Good God…marketing at its finest.”

“Yup…I want ‘em all.”

“Well, there is that Lego store at Downtown Disney. Maybe on the way home we can stop, huh?”

“Wooohooo!!!!! I’ll pay you back, Nick…I promise.”

“I’ll tell you how you can pay me back.”

“How?”

“Be quiet for maybe…10 minutes.”

“He’ll never have another Bionicle. It’s impossible.”

“Shut up, Ben! I can be quiet for 10 minutes…hey, I didn’t tell you about the masks and what they mean!!”

“JACK!”

“Okay, now we’re…” Solana stopped short seeing none of her gang at the beach towels where she had left them only moments before. “Where in the he-…oh.” Tossing the bottle of sun screen on the towel, she walked towards the shrill screech of her daughter and Jack.

“Faster, Ben! Faster!”

“Come on, man…they’re whoopin’ us!”

They had obviously decided not to wait on her. Nick and Ben were running along the surf pulling Jack and Rosalie behind them on small body boards. Not quite what they were for, but definitely a good use.

Ben made the grave mistake of looking back to see how close Nick and Jack were, and tripped, rolling along the wet sand, making Rosalie a virtual water propelled torpedo. “Ahhhhhh! Ben…come get me!”

There was no danger and Ben wasn’t hurt, but he was laughing too hard to be of any use. Fortunately for Solana, so was Nick. So, she did what any self-respecting woman would do.

She took advantage of the situation.

Kicking off her sandals and whipping off her t-shirt, she ran to catch up with Rosalie’s runaway body board. She scooped up the string and continued jogging, catching back up with Nick and Jack.

“Is there a finish line to this race?”

“Nope…should stop in Jax though.”

“Cute…put it in first gear, Gringo…I’m takin’ this one.” And she did…taking full advantage of the fact that Nick had been running for a few minutes longer and was tiring out.

“Yay Mami! Go! Go!” Rosalie obviously had glue on her ass because when Nick kicked it in gear to catch up, he lost his traveling partner. In a pile on the surf.

“Nick!”

“Oh man…” Nick stopped and picked up his board, jogging back to make sure Jack was fine.

And he was. And Solana was scooping up her running companion and spinning her around in a mother/daughter victory dance. Sore winners.

Solana jogged back to the boys, this time carrying the body board and letting Rosalie kick her feet in the water. “You know,” she smacked Nick’s backside again with the board, “if you used these how you were supposed to…”

“I didn’t see a rule book with ‘em. You beat us anyway.”

“Yes, we did. How good are you in the water with these?”

Hearing her challenge, he winked and took off for the waves. “Get on out here and we’ll see!”

“Oh here comes one, Ben…ready?”

“Oooh, yeah…this looks awesome.”

The two blondes turned their back to the oncoming wave and hopped on their body boards, kicking just ahead of it, hoping it’d turn and carry them all the way in. Or, at least a good bit in.

“Go, go, go!” Ben caught it at just the right time and he was coasting in whooping and hollering all the way.

Nick missed and fizzled out after just a few feet. Not to mind, there were plenty more where that came from. “Nice job, dawg…that was a good one.”

“Yeah, god it feels so good.”

“Yep, better than flying.”

“I still wanna do that one day.”

“One day…you will. Come on back, I’m gonna beat you this time.”

“Nick! Ben! Watch the chairs, guys!” Solana was busy tending to the more fearful ones of the group, building a sand mansion. Castles weren’t quite good enough for Rosalie.

“Kings and queens live in castles. I want mansion!” So a mansion it was.

“Oh shit, Mom’s callin’…we gotta head back this way.” Trudging against the current, Nick and Ben evened themselves back up with their chairs and towels and started the process all over again.

After a few more decent rides, Nick stumbled his way to the others, admiring their work, dripping water into their mote. “Oooh…which room’s mine?”

“With Mami. Right…” leaning over to the tallest column of the mansion, Rosalie showed him, “…here. Jack here. Ben here and Rosalie here…by Mami and Nick room.”

Eyeballing Solana, she shrugged, trying not to react. Rosalie hadn’t done room assignments yet. It was a shock to her as well.

“I see. Jack, you wanna come out?”

“I dunno…what if a wave takes me under?”

“You can hang on to my neck…we’ll take it easy. Come on…”

“Go, Jack. Ride waves!” Rosalie patted her bucketful of sand with her chubby fingers and quickly flopped it over. Sliding the pale from the formed mound, she announced, “Kitty room.”

“Nothin’ left but the decorating, Jack. Come on.”

From out in the water, Jack heard the final, and mind-changing plea. “Come on, pussy…you can do it.”

Frowning at his brother’s warped form of encouragement, he got up and wiped his hands on his trunks. “Okay…no big ones though.”

“Nope, no big ones.”

They walked out into the water together until it got chest high for Jack…which wasn’t too terribly far. Nick squatted down and invited him to hang onto his neck. “I dunno, Nick…it’s wavy out here.”

“It’s the ocean, Jack. It’s supposed to be wavy.”

“But…”

Nick stopped moving through the water and turned Jack to his front, letting the body board pull against his wrist as it floated beside them. “Wrap your legs around me.”

“Okay…but, we can’t ride this way.”

“Nope. I need you to look at me.”

Jack brought his eyes away from the treacherous water and looked into Nick’s eyes. He seemed almost angry. “What?”

“Would I do anything to put you in danger?”

“No.”

“Have I ever done anything to put you or your family in danger?”

“No.”

“Then Jack, buddy…you gotta trust me.”

“I don’t trust the water.”

“I do. It’s powerful and strong and wonderful. We’re fine.”

With one more look of assurance, Jack wiggled around to hang on from behind again. “Okay. Just once.”

“Just once.” With Jack hanging on tight, Nick leaned onto the board and swam/walked deeper into the water, just hanging out there for a bit, letting Jack get used to the feel, waiting for a good wave to ride in.

“You okay back there?”

“Yeah…it’s peaceful out here.”

“Yep. And we’re far enough out that we don’t have to ride anything. We can just bob along.”

“Okay…”

And that’s what they did. No words. Nothing worth saying. It was damned peaceful and Ben was giving enough entertainment yelping and screaming as he rode the waves in alone.

“Could we just stay here forever?”

“It’d be nice, huh?”

“Yeah…better than home.”

“That’s what vacation should be…better than home.”

“Then any time I’m with you it’s vacation.”

“Hey now…I thought things were better.”

“Yeah, they are. I guess. I just…”

Seeing Ben approach, he went a bit more shallow so he could join their conversation. This could get interesting.

“I just want my own room.”

“Ah, yeah, well…that would bug me too.”

Laying along his own board, Ben did join in, enjoying the relaxing water as well. “Hell, I’ll take a room. I’ll even share it with you, twit.”

“Gee, thanks.” Not wanting the seriousness to continue, Jack looked back and saw a decent sized wave coming. “Okay, Nick…I think I’m ready.”

“Let go with your legs and just lay on me when I start kickin’, okay?”

“Yup…Ben…we’ll see you on the other side!”

“One…two…three…let go and kick!”

“Woooooohooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Nick and Ben both caught the wave just right and Jack held on for dear life, screaming out of fear, joy, anything. He just screamed. Tumbling into the shallow surf, Nick scooped up Jack and swung him around.

“You did it!”

“I did it!”

Seeing Solana heading into the water, Nick put Jack down so he could get a hug from her too. A hug for the little one was on her mind, but more importantly, she had another agenda.

“Ben, can I use your board?”

Unwrapping the Velcro from his wrist, he handed it over. “Yeah, sure…you ride?”

“Yup. You got an eye on Rosalie?”

“Yeah…we’re good. Go kick his butt.”

Walking out a little further, Solana turned back to the group on land, still playing in Rosalie’s sand mansion. “Hey, Gigglebuns!”

Not missing a beat, Nick stood, pulling his board up under his arms. “Yes, Gizzardhiney?”

“Even up the score?”

“Oh…we’re keeping score?” He started toward the water, straight to Solana. She backed up, he took a step forward. Never did their eyes part from each other. Never did their hearts settle back into a regular rhythm.

“Um, yeah…thought you uh…” Step. Step. “…might wanna make good on, uh…” Step. Wave. Step. Step. “…losing Jack.”

“Mmm…you think you can beat me again, huh?”

“I know I can.”

Raising an eyebrow and looking behind her as a wave approached, he said nothing, laughing as she squealed when the cold water crashed against her back. “Sure about that now?”

Trying to appear immoveable, she quickly ducked underwater and resurfaced wiping her eyes to focus on him again. “Yep. Totally sure.”

“You’re on.”

“We’ve got her, Miss Romero. You stay out here.”

Ben scooped up Rosalie, who had fallen asleep five minutes into the fireworks display, and directed Jack to get some of their other belongings.

“Are you sure, Ben?”

“Yeah, you look too comfy. We’ll get her in bed.”

And comfy she was. They had settled onto the private beach, getting a perfect view of the fireworks coming from the public access area a few miles up. Surprisingly, once the sun set, the night chilled quite a bit making everyone huddle together…at least until Jack and Ben became more interested in setting off sparklers.

Nick, Rosalie and Solana were left to keep each other warm. Once Rosalie was knocked out, Nick had invited Solana to snuggle in between his legs, which she had politely denied, but as it got colder, she silently nestled in and enjoyed the warmth of his body, his arms and dammit…his breath, which was on her neck more than she cared to notice.

“Leave us a flashlight.” She didn’t want to move. She knew she’d darned well better.

“Yep…Jack grab the little one.” Trying not to show his excitement at the scene before him with his two most favorite adults, Ben hiked Rosalie better into his grip and headed to the seawall stairs. “Take your time, guys…”

Nodding her goodbye, she nestled back into Nick’s arms. “Tell me they’ll be okay.”

“They’ll be okay. He’s great with Amy. Rosalie will be a breeze.”

Solana sighed, knowing he was right, but never one to easily trust other people with her child. “Wanna take a walk? We can just leave our stuff here.”

“Yeah…it’s too cold to sit…”

And it was. There had to be a five degree temperature difference just from the condo to the beach, the ocean breeze cooling off an already unseasonably chilly evening.

After dumping their blanket near the stairs, Nick took Solana’s hand and they silently headed south, letting the faint glow of the flashlight lead them.

“I can’t believe how few people were here tonight. I figured it’d be a mob scene.”

“They’re all up at the party at the boardwalk. No alcohol down here.”

“Ah, no wonder. Well, this is great…” Lifting the light up a bit they looked as far out as the light would shine. “Looks like we almost have the place to ourselves.”

“That’s why I love this place. Even when it’s busy, it’s never busy.”

“How come no one has their lights on back here though?”

“Sea turtles. They’re hatching and we’re asked to keep our lights off.”

“Oh, so the babies don’t go the wrong way.”

“Yup. Everyone’s real good about it.”

“Have you seen any?”

“Nah, we try every once in awhile, but never seem to catch ‘em. Probably just as well, Rosalie’d wanna keep one as a pet.”

Nick chuckled, knowing Solana was going to have enough of a battle letting the crab they’d caught earlier go. Rosalie had named him and everything. “Well, you already have Sebastian.”

“Don’t remind me…I’ve got to dump that thing somehow.”

“Crab killer.”

“Yes, and you’re helping me.”

“Oh, no…uh-uh. I’m not lying to that child of yours. She’ll see right through me.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re used to lying to the ladies. Just put your mack on and you’ll be fine.”

His lack of response made their previous ease jump into an uncomfortable silence. Had she just crossed a line? Or danced on a raw nerve? Either way, she regretted it.

“I’m sorry, Nick…I’m just kidding with you.”

Squeezing her hand, he looked down at her, silently thanking the gods that she had her hair pulled back into a pony tail. If that dark mane were blowing in the breeze, he might not be able to control himself. He was having enough trouble as it was. “I know…you’re just sickeningly right.”

“Ah. Well, you don’t have to be that way, Nick. It’s an easy choice to make.”

“Yeah, I know.” He didn’t want to say anymore. He was gaining a conscience about it and was downright embarrassed at how he’d used women. Most likely some of them were as wonderful as the one whose hand he now held. And the thought of doing that to her…made him sick at himself.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yep…” He steered them into the wet sand, the soft grain they had been walking in suddenly changing to a rough one with tons of shell bits cutting into their feet. “Damned things are sharp.”

Solana bent over to pick up one that reflected against the glow from the flash light. Inspecting it, she handed it to Nick. “Yeah, but beautiful. Rough edges, beautiful interior. Like someone else I know.”

Insightful and subtle little devil wasn’t she? “Mmm…you wanna keep this one?”

“Nah…we have two tons of ‘em laying on the porch up there.”

“Yep. A dime a dozen, too.” Ouch. He was kind of insightful himself, now wasn’t he? A dime a dozen. A reality he did not want to think about. Avoiding doing just that, he remembered a way out. “So, what was your question?”

“You don’t have to answer me, but I’ve wanted to ask you since we first met.”

“Shoot.”

“What brought you to that night? What happened in your life that put you on such a screwed up path?”

“You don’t like leisurely walks, do you?”

Smiling up to him, she leaned her head on his arm. “I’m sorry…yes, let’s just walk. Too serious.”

“I can answer…I’ve thought a lot about it.”

“Okay…only if you want. I’m just…you just seem like someone who is genuinely good…with the world at your feet. How’d you end up in such a bad place?”

Motioning back up to the sea wall, they gingerly walked over the rough shells, and when it was fine and dry again, they sat down. Digging their bare feet into the cool sand, they said nothing, just enjoying the sounds of the waves crashing in, barely able to see them unless Nick shone the light out to the water.

Sighing, he turned it off and tossed it between his feet, ready to talk.

“I’m petrified, Lani.”

She wasn’t expecting that at all. “Of?”

“Everything…failure. Everything I ever knew has gone to shit.”

“Nick, I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“Yeah, probably not. No one knows what the hell’s going on. We’re being told to be quiet. To lie. I’m sick of lying, Lani. And…so…sometimes I drink to get rid of it all. I drink so I don’t feel anything anymore.”

He looked down, knowing she was probably still lost, but already feeling the weight of the world lifting from his shoulders. Admitting it to his court appointed counselor was one thing. Admitting it to a friend? That was an entirely different matter.

She rubbed his back and just waited to see if he had any more to say. She didn’t know what he meant and if he didn’t tell her the details that would be fine. The details really didn’t matter anymore. Fear of failure, stress from living a lie…it could break the strongest of people. “But you feel when you sober up, huh?”

“Yes…so it’s useless. Which is kinda why I don’t do it so much anymore.”

“Which is a good thing.”

“Yeah…but I’m still scared. I’m afraid…” He looked back to her, now scared to admit what had been swimming in his head the last week or so.

“What, Nick? Whatever it is, it’s okay…”

“That I’m filling the gap with the Casey’s. Taking care of them. Doing things with them. It’s like I’m replacing one thing with another.”

“Well, that’s very possible. And they’d be excellent co-dependants. They’re very needy of someone’s attention.”

“God, you make it sound like I’m an alcoholic. Co-dependants, neediness…damn.”

“Are you?”

“No, I’m not. I was getting damned close though.”

“Yes, you were. That’s why we’re here. To stop that before it’s too late.”

“Yeah…I still hate that. I was such a prick.”

“Well, yeah…you were. But, look at the good that’s come out of it, Nick. Look at that family now.”

“Yeah, it’s looking better. But if I walked away tomorrow, would it stay better?”

“Probably not yet. Lots of old habits to undo. It takes time. They have to own it separate from you and I don’t think they’re ready to do that yet.”

“Yeah, bad habits are hard to break. I haven’t gone out in awhile, but I can’t say I won’t tomorrow, you know?”

“You need to deal with your fear then, Nick.”

“I’m not sure how. What’s causing is not going to go away….”

“Can I ask what that is?”

“It’s the group. It’s a mess. I mean, misunderstandings led to miscommunications and now…so much time has passed that even if it was fixed tomorrow…it’ll never be quite right again.”

“How in the world did that happen? You guys have been a group for how long?”

“Ten-ish years. They didn’t take me seriously, Lani. They never have. It never really bothered me until recently and I stood up to it. Now it’s just…screwed up.”

No wonder he was such a mess. No wonder he was throwing himself into these kids’ lives. They’d accept him just for being kind. The only thing they’d expect was that he be real. Exactly what he’d not been allowed to be…probably all of his life. “Then they’re the idiots…do they realize what they could be losing by pushing you away?”

“Not sure. And they’re not the only one’s pushing, Lani. We’re all to blame. It’s gone from me ready to walk, to them ready to fire me, to now…just a big mess. It’s all I’ve known and I’m afraid I’ve lost it.”

“So now what happens?”

“Now I promote this album I’ve worked my ass off for, knowing all along they don’t support me, telling the public that they do…it’s just...” He looked down again, running his finger through the pile of sand covering his feet. “And if it fails…”

“It won’t fail.”

“Lani, don’t start bullshitting me now. That’s one thing I like about you. No bullshit.”

“I’m not bull-“ Finding his eyes, she had to admit it. “…okay, so I’m trying to gloss it over. You’re right. Well, is it good? Are you proud of it?”

“Damned proud. I wrote a lot of it. I’m putting myself out there and even though I’m still following the label’s advice on stuff, I like it. It’s…it’s me. Not one fifth of some cheesy assed love song crap.”

“You make it sound so fun…I thought you loved being a Backstreet Boy.”

“I used to. But I didn’t know who I was then, so it worked. But now…I’m not that, Lani. None of us are and I’m not willing to sacrifice who I am for what the fans want me to be. I want to be myself…and I am on this solo album. Pretty much anyway.”

“Shouldn’t’ that be all that matters?”

“Should be, yeah, but I feel like so much is at stake.”

“Sounds like it is.”

“Yeah…and…” He sighed. Out of words. Out of explanations. Out of energy. “I just want to be good, Lani. A good person. A good man. A good artist. I’m just like Ben. All we want is to be good.”

“He is good, Nick.” Standing up, getting cold again and not wanting to allow him to keep her warm this time, she reached down and pulled him up, hanging onto his hand as they continued walking. “And so are you.”

“So, now it’s your turn.”

They had been walking and talking and tormenting innocent crabs with their flashlight for at least an hour, neither having any desire to head back inside. They were the only two anywhere near the beach now and the peace and quiet was too irresistible.

“Oh god…you going to pick my brain now?”

“Yep. What brought you here?”

“A lot of different things, I guess. Mostly a desire to help kids like me.”

“You said you moved a lot…”

“Yeah, was in Puerto Rico until I was 8, then all over Florida. Miami, Orlando, Naples. Finally we stayed in Tampa. Mami…she…well, she liked to run from life rather than live it.”

“It’s an easy way out.”

“Yes, until life keeps catching up with you because you’re too stupid to stop making the same mistakes. I knew what it felt like to be lost and confused, even among friends.”

“Did you rebel at all like these kids do?”

“Yeah, and then I paid the price.”

“Rosalie.”

“Yep. And I refuse to make her pay it for me. As much of a glitch she put in my plans, my life wouldn’t be right without her in it. So, for her, I straightened up. Now, I do it for me because it feels better.”

“So having responsibility for someone else made you wanna be responsible for yourself, huh?”

“Yep, so I’m not so sure your concerns with the Casey’s are big ones. Check your motives. You can walk away from them in a few more months if you want. I’m stuck with Rosalie forever, so that’s different, but…if they are making you look at your life and make new choices, that’s really a good thing.”

“And I have to get to work again…this next week. So, I guess I can test it all out then. I won’t be able to be with them so much.”

“Yep, and they can test themselves too. Are they being good for you or they seeing that good is…”

“Good.”

“Right.”

“What do you think will happen?” They were back at the stairs of their condo again, but neither wanted to take the first step. Nick leaned back against the rail, still hanging onto her hand, fighting urges within himself so he didn’t ruin this perfect night.

“I think you’re all on the right road, but something tells me, the road bumps aren’t all smoothed out yet.”

“Yeah, that’s another thing I’m afraid of…those damned bumps.”

“Don’t be afraid of them, Nick…just take that big assed truck of yours and drive over them. The dust will settle eventually.”

“Yeah…but what kind of a mess will be left after it does?”

“Stick a foot out there.” Solana wiggled her toes under the spray of water, letting Nick wash the sand from her feet. “Next.” She grabbed onto his arm, losing balance this time, almost falling onto the wet cement.

“Damn…and I haven’t been drinking.”

“Drunk on the ocean…”

“Must be it…okay, let me get yours.” She took the hose from him and washed his feet, resisting the urge to aim the spray upwards. It was too cold for a water fight, but damn, it’d be fun.

He turned off the water and picked up the blanket and then…stood there. Neither moved. Neither wanted this evening to end, but they knew, once they walked back inside that condo, it would.

Seeing goose bumps appear on her arms, he offered her the blanket. “Cold?”

Shaking her head to his offer, she turned her gaze back out to the water. Only the white crests could be seen as waves rolled in, bringing in the high tide. “When the hell is it cold in July down here?”

“I dunno…it’s a nice change though.”

They continued to stand, watching the waves roll in and Solana continued to chill. Not asking this time, Nick draped the blanket over her bare shoulders and pulled her in close under his arm. “You’re stubborn.”

“Yes, I am…you’re warm.”

They both saw the next moment coming. They both wanted it to happen. They both were tired of listening to the voices in their heads telling them to stop. She looked up to him, watching the breeze blow his hair, wondering how soft his lips would feel on hers and without thinking, made a move to him.

He felt her shift and looked down. Seeing the look in her eye, he smiled and brought his hand up to cup her face. He lowered his head to meet hers, to finally culminate what he’d been longing for since he first set eyes on her. And then….

…reason hit again.

Solana pulled back, sliding out from his arm and the blanket. “Dammit. No. We can’t do this.”

Sighing, knowing she was right, not giving a damn about right and wrong, he pulled her back, face to face, eye to eye.

“Nick, please…you know this is wrong.”

“Why is it wrong, Lani? Because of Ben? Rosalie?”

“Yes…both.”

He knew this. He really did, but it wasn’t fair. It just was not fair. Pulling away from her, not trusting himself, he plopped down on a bench looking nothing short of a pouting little boy. “Ethics suck.”

Chuckling at his change in demeanor, she joined him on the bench, and leaned over onto his arm. “Yes, they do. You understand, don’t you?”

“About Ben…yeah. I do. He’s your client.”

“Yep. You’re not, but it’s still…questionable. Honestly, you probably shouldn’t even be here, but I asked you as friends, not as clients.”

“But beyond that…we’re crossing a line.”

“Yep. One I can’t risk, Nick.”

“No, probably not. I’m sorry, Lani…I really am.”

“Don’t be. Our timing just sucks.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” He leaned back, wrapping his arm around her, sighing as she nestled into his chest. “It’s damned ironic when you think about it.”

“How’s that?”

“I finally take the time to get to know a girl…build a relationship and I can’t…we can’t…”

“Yeah, I know. We’re doing it right and it’s still wrong.”

“Exactly.” Silence again. Nice silence this time. Except… “What does Rosalie have to do with this?”

“She comes with the package, Nick. I’m not sure you’re ready for that.”

“I adore her!”

“Yep, and it’s mutual. But, say we don’t make it…because there’s no guarantee we would. You leave. She’s now dealing with a man she loves walking out. I can’t have that.”

“So you’re just going to stay away from men forever? Lani, that’s nuts.”

“No, but…I dunno. It’s too soon, Nick. For me…I’m still hurting from that fuck head walking out on me, and…I don’t want her to know what it feels like to have a man leave...not as a child anyway. She’ll feel it soon enough.”

“We’re not all that fuck head, you know.”

“No, but you’ve said it yourself. You don’t know how to have a relationship.”

“I want to learn.”

“Not with my daughter watching in the wings. I can’t do it, Nick. Not yet. Not now. And believe me, you’re not the only one who’s sorry about it.”

“Well, I guess this is gonna have to be enough for now.”

“Yep, it is. And Nick, please don’t pull away from us. Rosalie adores you and I love having you in our lives. It just can’t…”

“Be anything more right now.”

“No, it can’t.” Kissing his chest and rubbing his tummy as she stood, she reached her hand out to him, pulling him up. “Come on. I think my toes are frozen. We need to go in.”

“Yep…hope they didn’t blow up the condo.”

“I just hope Rosalie’s asleep or she’s going to be a little bitch all day tomorrow.”

“You think she convinced them to bring in Sebastian?”

“He’ll be in your sink. Watch out when you spit.”

“Maybe I could ‘kill’ him that way.”

“Oooh, yeah! Death by fluoride.”

Approaching he porch of the condo, Nick stopped her before she could go in. “Lani?”

“Yes?”

He still wanted to kiss her. Knowing she wanted it too was making her even more desirable, if that was possible. But for the first time in his life, he wanted to respect a woman…this one in particular. And so, he would. “It’s my turn to thank you.”

“For?”

“Helping me be good.”

She winked at him and slid the door open, chilling again as the air conditioning hit her bare arms. “It’s inside of you, Nick. You don’t need anybody’s help.”

Nick kissed Solana’s forehead as they parted ways in the condo, he heading to the boys’ side, she to the girls. But when she opened the door to her room, she didn’t find what she was expecting. Namely, her daughter.

“Uh, Nick?”

“Yep.” He peeked around the corner, trying not to trip over the pile of sandals that had bled out into the hallway.

“Where’s my daughter?”

“Uh…not in your room, I take it?”

“Nope…” She met him in the hallway and peeked around him as he slowly opened the door to his room. “Ah…look at that.”

“Three bugs in a bed. You have extra pillows? I’ll just hit the couch.”

“You’re my guest. No sleeping on the couch. We’ll move her and Jack said he’d sleep on the floor.”

“I bet I know who’s behind this.”

“All three of ‘em…brats. They suck at subtlety.”

Solana tip toed in and woke Ben, quickly directing him to be quiet. He sat up moved aside, seeing that she wanted Rosalie. “Oh, sorry…we got to reading and fell asleep.”

“Uh-huh. Either you or Jack move so Nick can sleep on the bed. Thanks for taking care of her.”

“Okay…” He kicked Jack who only opened his eyes enough to grab the comforter and pillow and slide to the floor. “That was easy.”

“Goodnight, Ben.” She carried Rosalie out, motioning for Nick to follow.

“I didn’t strip my bed back…can you get it for me?”

“Yeah, sure…”

Solana sat on a rocking chair in the corner of the room, letting Rosalie snooze on her shoulder while Nick pulled back the comforter and got rid of the extra pillows. “Which side do you want?”

“We can put her by the window…”

After pulling the blankets back, he scooped the sleeping lump out of Solana’s arms before she could protest. Rosalie squirmed and fussed a bit but snuggled into Nick’s neck when she heard his voice. “Shh…go back to sleep, sweetie.” With the care of a mama bear, he put her in bed, pulled the blankets around her neck and kissed her cheek. “There you go…” Kissing Solana’s forehead one more time, he made his way out. “Sweet dreams, Lani.”

If he only knew.

Sweet dreams were plentiful and Rosalie woke up chipper and early, just like every day. The girls started breakfast, trying to keep it quiet so the boys could sleep in a bit more. Rosalie was rarely successful at quiet.

Before long, Jack stumbled out of the room, wondering how he ended up sleeping on the floor. “I got eaten up by spiders or something. I’m all bumpy!”

“Oh dear…lemme look, sweetie.” Turning the heat off the burner, she met him at the kitchen table, squatting down to look at his legs. “Oooh…yep, you had a hungry one last night. There’s some cream in your bathroom that’ll help with the itchies.”

“Okay…who put me on the floor anyway?”

“Uh, me…Ben…you kinda just slid there.”

“I’ll kill him.” After getting the cream, Jack slammed the bedroom door open to properly start the day off right…by tormenting his brother.

“No! Jack…shhh…” Solana pulled him back out of the room and looked in, smiling at the two blondes peacefully snoozing in the femininely dressed bed. It was adorable. “Let sleeping beauties lie, huh? Come help with breakfast.”

“Aw, man…I love pissin’ him off in the morning.”

“Well, I don’t wanna see it, young man. Now go stir the eggs…I need to throw on some real clothes before big blondie wakes up.”

He greeted Rosalie with a kiss to her cheek as she happily sat up on the counter cutting up bananas with a plastic knife. “Your mom’s no fun.”

“Yes she is. She likes quiet.”

“Sounds like my mom…must be a mom thing.”

“Banana?” Rosalie held up a mushy piece to Jack’s lips and he sucked it in. “Mmm…you’re a good cook, Rosalie.”

“Yes…just like Mami.”

Popping one eye open as he heard the door close again, Nick looked to Ben, finding him in the same position. “Is he always that loud in the mornings?”

“Yep. And early…god, he pisses me off.”

Nick rolled over on his back, stretched and scratched his stomach. “I hate mornings.”

“Me too, although…” Ben sniffed the air as he sat up. “…this morning smells damned good.”

“Mmm…yes, it does.” Nick sat up and leaned over, knocking arms with Ben. “So, uh…cute trick sticking Rosalie in our room, dude.”

“I didn’t mean to! Honest. We were reading…”

“Where’s the book?”

“Uh…it’s, um…” he pretended to look around and then, knowing he’d been caught, finally conceded. “Okay, we suck. I give.”

“Yes, you do. And you lost, so you really suck.”

“Why couldn’t you just shack up with her, man…get ON with it already.”

“You can’t just force stuff like this.”

“I know, but…god, it’s so obvious you two are hot for each other. What are you waiting on?”

“Timing is everything.”

Sliding out of bed, the smaller blonde stretched and just like his larger counter part, scratched his stomach. “Well, personally, I just think you’re bein’ a chicken shit.”

“You do, huh?”

“Yep…you’re afraid you’ll fall so hard you won’t be able to keep playin’ around.”

“Nice, Ben…glad you hold me in such high regard.”

“No, it’s just…I think you’re afraid.”

“I’m afraid of a lot of things, but truthfully, Lani’s not one of them.”

“Mmm…” Pulling a shirt out of his bag, Ben shrugged and looked in the mirror, trying to force a stray hair from sticking up on end.

Nick sat on the edge of his bed, scratching a toe along the carpet. Damned spiders. “Okay, I’ll cut you a deal.”

“I don’t do deals.”

“Fine, I’ll just keep it to myself then.” Nick smugly got out of bed and dug out a shirt of his own, checking his hair in the mirror and cracking up at their identical spikes. “We’re a pair, I swear.”

“Mutt and Jeff…and I guess I’ll bite. What’s your deal?”

“If you can keep a secret, I’ll keep a promise.”

“I can keep a secret…”

“Even from Jack.”

“Oh…shit, um…” Ben looked around in the mess of haphazardly tossed clothes for shorts to slide over his boxers. Finding a pair that looked like his, he hopped into them and looked at Nick as he zipped. “I can do my best?”

“Good enough…here’s the secret. We talked about it last night.”

“Hooking up? You and Miss Romero!? Really?”

“Shhh…man, keep it down…yeah, but we…well, we can’t right now.”

“Why the hell not!?” Sitting on the bed as Nick slid on his shorts it dawned on him. “Oh. Because of me, right?”

“Well, yeah.” Seeing his face sink, Nick sat down next to him hoping to make him understand something he was having enough trouble making sense of himself. “Not you, Ben Casey, but you, Miss Romero’s client. If we were just hanging out…if there wasn’t that court order hanging over us, it might be different. But now, well…it’s just not right.”

“And you agree with this bullshit?”

“Yeah, I do. And she has Rosalie and…as much as I think I could deal with that, I’m not so sure I can.”

“Just cuz she has a kid?”

“Yeah, it’s…it changes the picture.”

“Well, that’s pretty shitty. What are single mom’s supposed to do then? Stay single forever because big sexy dudes like you don’t have time for their kids?”

“Hey now…what the hell, Ben? I think I’ve proven I have time for you guys. I’ve gone above and beyond anything the courts have ordered. Just because I want to…”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t give up your heart for our mom…or her mom. We’re just your toys or something.”

“Ben, that is NOT it at all. I can’t believe you’d think that.”

“What else am I supposed to think?”

Nick didn’t have an answer. It did sound shitty, but it made sense too. “I don’t know, Ben, but I’d hope that I’ve shown you that you guys mean more to me than that.”

Why wouldn’t Nick let him hate him? He tried and tried and tried. It was so much easier to hate. But he wouldn’t. And again, Ben gave into it. It always felt so much better to let Nick care. Even if he’d rather deny it. “Yeah, I guess you have.”

“Because I do…you guys…you’ve wormed your way into me. Which is just what the courts hoped would happen. I’m not ready to screw that up…not even for someone as awesome as Lani.”

“Okay, I’ll buy that. So, what’s your promise?”

“Ah, yes…I’m also not a quitter. So, when the time’s right…to try again?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be the first to know. Absolute first.”

“Okay, deal. I keep the secret, you share the love.”

“You know, Lani, if you’re gonna order out, it’d be nice if you’d let me know. I’m hungry, dammit.”

Barry walked into Solana’s office, with a smile peeking through his glare, carrying a white Styrofoam carry out box. “Um, Barry, I didn’t order out.”

“Oh, well, someone did for you. This was just delivered. Paid in full.”

“I am hungry…pull up a chair. We’ll share.” She pushed her paperwork aside, amazed at how much crap piled up after taking off for only a few short days.

He didn’t need to be asked twice, and quickly slid a chair to her desk waiting to see what goodies were inside.

She pulled out a couple of plastic forks from her desk drawer and sniffed the box before opening it, moaning at the smell. “Whatever it is, it’s definitely edible.”

“Just open it, woman…you’re worse than my wife.”

So she did. And she slammed it closed again, laughing hysterically. And laughing. More. Finally, Barry was no longer in the mood to guess and he pulled the box over and peeked in.

Crab cakes on rice. So? He looked again and saw a toothpick in one with a piece of paper attached.

Sebastian R.I.P.

“What the hell…Lani?”

She was still laughing. Seeing that her companion wasn’t amused and about to stab into one of the cakes without her, she tried to stop, giggling between her words.

“Nick. These are from Nick.”

“Okay…” shoving a bite into his mouth, he too moaned. They were delicious. “Oh, damn. He didn’t cook them did he? This is excellent.”

“No, I doubt it…he’s dangerous in the kitchen.”

“I’m not surprised…so what the hell does this mean?”

“Well, um…he brought Ben and Jack out to the condo last week.”

“Oh yeah?” Barry wagged his eyebrows and stuffed anther morsel into his mouth. “A little extra-curricular, Miss Romero?”

“I wish, but no. We both know I can’t do that.”

“No, you can’t. It’s a shame. You’d make a nice pair.”

“Well, I’m not a quitter…if it’s meant to be, the timing will hit us right.”

“Good…so, who was Sebastian?”

“Our crab. Rosalie caught this damned crab and insisted on keeping it. He saved my ass by taking it home with him, promising her that Sebastian would be happier in his pool than in our small sink.”

“He killed Sebastian?” Barry viciously stabbed another piece, giving a lovely visual to the death.

“Nah, he tossed him back out to the ocean I’m sure. We just kept making up ways to kill him. We’ll tell Rosalie he died though.”

“You guys are cruel. Why not just explain that Sebastian likes to live…undah da sea?”

“Have you tried to reason with that girl?”

“Not recently, no.”

“Good, then don’t question me.” Taking another bite of the cake, she moaned again. “Too bad he didn’t cook these. Ethics be damned. He’d be mine.”

“You know…you could shun the ethics anyway. I won’t tell.”

“Nope. We’re all going to learn here. I’m going to learn to wait. He’s going to learn how to treat a lady. Waiting is good.”

“Okay…if you say so.”

“I say so. Waiting…sucks.” Taking her final bite and she smiled at the memory of their moments on the beach. “But, ultimately, it’s good.”

Nick pulled the truck up to the Casey’s curb, surprised at how much he’d missed this dilapidated old place in the past few weeks. Of course, it wasn’t the place as much as the people. But it hadn’t been a particularly fun few weeks, filled with meetings, discussions and impasses on the future of a group he’d known as his extended family for the past 10 years. It hurt and he was sick of it.

Today, however, he was spending time with a new extension of his family and making good on his promise to Liz. A quick ride on his boat and then as much swimming as her little body could muster. Ben and Jack were coming along as well, but in Nick’s mind, the day belonged to Liz.

He reached back into his backseat to find his ball cap, still not interested in a neighborhood meet and greet, and plopped it on his head, catching movement out of the corner of his eye. Focusing in to the tree in the neighbor’s yard, he almost choked.

Under the huge palm tree stood Ben. He didn’t have on his typical ball cap today, but a blue and white patterned do-rag, just like Nick occasionally wore. To finish the scene, stood someone Nick had never seen before.

A girl.

Ben, on the other hand, had obviously seen her before. She was showing all the signs of flirtatious female behavior. Coy shyness, looking in his eyes as she pushed her hair behind her ear, letting her finger trail down her neck as it slid off her blonde locks, tossing her head back as she laughed, oh yeah. This adolescent was a damned pro.

Nick decided to just sit back and watch the man work. Maybe he’d learn something. The girl definitely knew what she was doing and what she wanted. Time to see if little big man’s game was as smooth as his talk.

So far, it was going well. Nick picked up his pop from the cup holder and sucked in a big gulp as he watched Ben take over the task of pushing the girl’s hair back behind her ear. Damn, he was smooth. Girls dig that shit. Sitting up, Nick leaned closer to his dash and watched Ben move in for the kill.

As Ben’s hand slid down the girl’s long blonde hair, he stopped at her neck, cupped her face and leaned in for a kiss. It looked like he whispered something to her on his way, something that made her smile and lean in too. Then…

“Hey Nick! Whatcha doin’ sittin’ in your truck!?”

Damn. Nick’s head jerked up, Ben’s smooth move was cut short and before anyone could react, the sweet little blonde girl was dashing off across the street.

Now it was Nick’s turn to be smooth. “Liz…hey, sweetie.” He tightened his hat on his head and got out of the truck, trying to figure out what he’d tell Ben. This was not going to go over well.

“Why were you just sitting there?”

“Oh, I was just thinking about how much fun we’re gonna have today. You ready?”

“Yep. Miss Romero took Mom out to buy me a suit while you were gone. It’s got purple flowers on it.”

“Sounds very pretty.” Nick looked up, wondering where Ben was and if he was even aware that Nick had messed up his game. But Ben was nowhere to be seen. “Hey, where’d your brother run off to?”

She never took her eyes off of Nick as she shrugged her answer. As angry as she had been at him for spending more time with the boys than her, she couldn’t stay mad long. He was Nick for goodness sake and well, she had a little 6 yr. old crush going on. And today, he was all hers. Who cared about a stupid brother?

“Dunno, huh? Well, I think I might have upset him. Lemme go look for him while you get your stuff.”

“Okay!” And off she went, straw hair sashaying back and forth as she ran. Oh to be that carefree.

As the screen door slammed behind Liz, Nick found his missing man.

“Thanks for fuckin’ it up, man. Thanks a lot.”

“Ben, man. I am so sorry. You were doin’ good, too.”

“So is this your new hobby? Watching other people makin’ out since you can’t seem to get any? That’s just sick, dude.”

“No…god. I was just…Christ. I’m sorry. It just shocked me and you were…damn, you had it down. I couldn’t help it.” How could he explain that it wasn’t voyeurism as much as it was just…what the hell was it? Pride? Little boy was growing up? How cheesy.

“Well, thanks to you, God knows how long it’ll take ‘til I get to that point again.”

“What!? She’s into you, Ben…”

“But her dad’s not. I’m a bad influence you know.”

“Oh for Christ’s sake. What is it with dads and their daughters?”

“Huh? This is normal?”

“Who knows. Raise ‘em to think for themselves, but as soon as picking a guy comes into play, suddenly they’re too stupid to know what’s right.”

“Speaking from experience, I take it? Can’t imagine a dad would hate you.” Ben adjusted the bandana on his head and leaned up against Nick’s truck. Nick felt like he was having flashback of his own childhood, those blue eyes and that freckled face staring at him like a weird home movie or something.

“Oh yeah…they hate me. I’m only looking for sex, or a trophy, or I’m a druggie, or, or, or.” Nick pulled off his hat and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. Florida in July. Yuck. “Oh yeah. They come up with all sorts of reasons why I’m not good enough for their little girl.”

“Sucks. What are we supposed to do?”

“Daddies win. There’s nothing you can do. But, sometimes the daughters don’t give a damn what Daddy says. The best though, is when you can win him over.”

“You ever done that before?”

“Nope. I quit trying after one attempt. Found out she wasn’t all Daddy thought she was.”

“Ah…a true princess.”

“Bitch is more like it, but yeah…that’ll work.” Nick had tired of the conversation and bopped Ben on the head with his hat. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, lemme get my…”

“Psst. Ben…come ‘ere.”

The boys looked up to the whispered female voice. There she was…testing daddy’s rules and turf. A fun trait in a girl.

“Go get her, Ben. I’ll wait inside this time.”

“Thanks, man…I’ll be back in a minute.”

Nick jogged up to the house and did as promised. Waited inside. By the window. Watching Ben’s every smooth move.

And he smiled, as the young boy’s lips finally met those of his girl in a sweet, innocent kiss. Feeling a tug at his shirt hem, Nick sighed, thinking again of Lani and how sweet she must taste. Try as he might in the weeks at work, he could not get her out of his head. Not that he tried all that hard.

Blinking out of his reverie, he stepped back and let the curtain fall back to its rightful place, focusing in on his girl for the day. Liz.

“I’m ready, Nick…let’s go swimmin’!”

“Throw me again!”

“Liz…my arms are killin’ me!”

“So? Throw me again!”

She had been a much more eager student than Jack. After an hour, she was jumping off the side, being thrown all over the pool by Nick and Ben, and swimming the short length of the pool. Poor Jack still preferred to cling to the edge. At least he was in.

“Aren’t you tired?”

“Nope. I don’t get tired. Throw me again.” Before Nick could argue, not that he really was anyway, she was in his arms, feet perched on his thigh, bouncing as he counted off. “One…two…seven hundred forty three…”

“Nick…I can’t hold my breath if you do that.”

“Oh yeah…One…two…two and a half…”

“NICK!”

“She’s gonna bite you, dude…toss her.”

“I do NOT bi-“ Nick lifted her and threw her backwards, laughing at the look of utter shock on her face as she sucked in breath as fast as she could.

As soon as she splashed in, the three boys finished the count off. “Three.”

Busy in victory over the bossy 6 yr. old, Nick gasped when two arms wrapped tightly around his neck from behind. “I do NOT bite! That wasn’t nice.”

“Gak! Liz…too…tight…” He freed himself from the strangling attachment and quickly carted her to the edge of the pool.

“I don’t bite.” Now she was downright pouting. And such a lady about it. Her hands were folded in her lap, legs daintily kicking in the water. It was official. Women are evil…and they start young.

“SHE BITES! I have scars to prove it!” Jack hiked himself up on the opposite edge of the pool and twisted his arm around to find the offending marks.

“Okay! I bite you…because you’re mean to me.”

“You bite me if I beat you at Spider-man, Liz.”

“Alright, guys. Liz bites…when necessary.” Nick wondered if he and his sibs sounded this stupid. Most likely. A phone call to his mom to apologize may be in order. She had to be a saint not to have killed them long ago.

Crossing her arms in front of her, she stuck her tongue out to Ben who up until now had been silent. Which also meant he wasn’t defending her. “Right. When necessary. Which can be a lot.”

To complete the dramatic effect, Liz fell backwards on the concrete edge, throwing one arm over her eyes, feet still dangling in the water.

“Your life is horrid, isn’t it, Liz?”

“Yes…they hate me.”

Nick couldn’t hold in his laughter any longer. She was a first class drama queen. No wonder they adored her and spoiled her so much. It was irresistible. Leaving her to her pout, Nick ducked back in the water and popped up at Jack’s dangling feet, pulling him in. Ben joined in and the boys continued to wrestle, toss, splash and play.

Somehow in the midst of the noise, they heard an almost-forgotten female clearing her throat. And all movement ceased. Ah, the power of a female.

“Yes, Liz?”

“You’re ignoring me.”

“You were pouting. I thought you wanted to be ignored.” Worked for Leslie and Angel. Why didn’t girls come with rule books…a new one for each girl?

“I’m done now. But I’m still mad.”

Jack and Ben were not amused. Ben rolled his eyes and jumped on his brother’s head, dunking him underwater. Time for Nick to take charge. And he had a few charms of his own. He swam over to her, popping up at her feet and rested his chin on her lap, facing her.

“You look like a puppy dog.”

Cue taken. He panted.

Rolling her eyes, she “pet” Nick’s head and he turned human again. “Why are you still mad?”

“You threw me when I wasn’t ready.”

“You lived.”

Wrong answer. She crossed her arms again and looked away.

“Okay, I’m sorry, Liz. I was playing. How can I make it up to you?”

“The princess would like to sleep in the castle tonight.”

He raised his eyebrows and his head. She was a little imp. An adorable one. “Tonight?”

“Yup.”

“Uh…hang on.” Down into the water he went, leaving her with the satisfaction of a victory already won. Men were so easy.

Nick grabbed onto the larger set of legs and yanked, taking Ben under water with him. When they both resurfaced, Ben purposely flipped his hair close to Nick, spraying him further. “What the hell was that for?”

Spit. Blink. “I wanted your attention, Romeo. Princess Liz wants to spend the night…all of you. When does everyone have ball practice?”

“Mine’s at 10…hers is in the afternoon I think.”

“Jack?”

“Was Thursday…I’m cool.”

“I need my ball stuff though.”

“I’ll drop them off and take you to practice. You can get it then.”

“Yeah, okay…cool.” Enough conversation. Ben disappeared under the water and yanked Jack’s trunks off. Made Nick proud. Perfect big brother behavior.

To avoid getting killed in the repercussions of the move, Nick swam back over to Liz, putting his chin back on her lap. “Okay, it’s done. I’ll take you home before Ben’s practice tomorrow.”

“Okay, that’s a start.”

Standing up in the water and leaning into the little princess, he trapped her with one arm on either side of her. She didn’t mind at all. Easier to snare him that way. “A start!? What else do you want?”

“I wanna sleep in the King’s quarters.”

“Oh you do, do you? And where’s the King supposed to sleep?”

“With the princess, stupid.”

“Not if she calls him stupid, she’s not.”

“Sorry. In England it’s a Queen and Prince or a King and Princess…so…the King sleeps with the Princess.”

“Ah…hm…the King does have a big bed.”

“Yes, and the court sleeps in the servants quarters.”

With questioning eyes, Nick pointed to the two dorky brothers. “Them?”

“Yup. Oh. And the Princess wants pizza.”

“Demanding Princess.”

“The King shouldn’t have thrown her like that…or waited so long to bring her to his castle.”

How could he resist? Shaking his head, he kissed her forehead and gently slid her into the water with him. “Alright, Princess Liz. Your wish is my command.”

“Just how it should be….now be a motor boat.”

“Just wait here; I’ll be right back.” Ben got out of the truck, smacking his brother upside the head for no apparent reason.

“Okay…” Seeing Liz run up to the house without so much as a ‘goodbye’, he called her back. “Hey, Princess Liz!”

“What?”

“You just a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of girl?”

Of course not. She dumped her bag on the side walk and ran back to her King. Or was it knight-in-shining-armor? Either way, she felt like a princess whenever he was around, especially cuddled up next to him in that big old bed of his…and when he let her bathe in the sunken tub with extra bubbles, even if the bubbles were left over from an old girlfriend. It was forgivable because, well…he had to be royalty of some kind, didn’t he?

“I’m not leaving you, my King.”

“Looks like it…come here.” He scooped her up and buzzed her neck, causing ear piercing screams and giggles. “Now, kiss your King and go be good for Mom, huh?”

“Yes sir…” She did as asked and bounded back to the house, skipping the wobbly first step along the way.

“Okay, let’s go.” Ben tossed his duffle bag in the back seat and closed the door. “What?” Nick was just looking at him funny.

“Why didn’t you want me inside?”

“Oh…that…start the truck.” He couldn’t hide anything from this guy. How irritating.

“You talk, I drive…if you quit, so do I.”

“Fine, fine…” Heaving a sigh, he quieted for a few and then just blurt it out. “The house is a mess again, okay?”

“Oh. I’m sorry. That sure didn’t last long, did it?”

“No. I didn’t think it would. Guess you’re not the savior you thought you’d be.”

“I never said…what the hell, Ben?”

“Did you really think you could just waltz in, fix everything and we’d all be set in a happy little life? You can’t do that to people!”

“Ben…Jesus…tell me how this is my fault!”

Silence. It wasn’t Nick’s fault, but he had to blame somebody, didn’t he? They were never going to get out of this pit. Never. And all it did was make Ben angry. And full of those fight or flight feelings he thought he had a grip on. Fortunately, he had an appointment with his counselor Monday. She’d help him…he hoped. He didn’t like being this angry anymore. It felt…tiring.

Ben leaned back and closed his eyes. He also didn’t like admitting he was wrong. But, he needed to. “You’re right…not your fault. You just gave Mom a glimpse of hope and…it’s her fault she shut it out.”

“Well that just sucks. But you’re right…one conversation isn’t gonna change years of bad habits. And I never said it would.”

“I guess not. Maybe you should take her to your castle too…seems to have had an impact on everyone else.”

“My house has nothing to do with it.”

“No, but your time does.”

Nick pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car, looking at Ben, surprised to find him staring back. Eye to eye contact was still a rarity with the kid. “I’m glad to do it, Ben.”

“I know…I’m sorry I ever doubted you, you putz.”

“Eh, you had good enough reas-“

“Hey! Asshole! Where’d you get such a tight ride, man?”

Ben and Nick jerked to the banging on Ben’s window, both slightly irritated at seeing Steve instead of…well, seeing anyone. Bad timing. Nick pushed the button to roll down Ben’s window, not particularly wanting to deal with broken glass. Idiot.

Peeking around his friend, Steve got his answer. “Oh, it’s him. I shoulda known.”

“Hey, Steve…what diamond are we on?” Ben pulled a leg up to the seat and tightened his cleats, really wishing he hadn’t ended up on Steve’s team. Here he was trying to get it together and it seemed like Steve’s mission was to help him unravel everything again. Pissed him off.

“Six.” Steve never took his eyes off Nick…nor Nick off of Steve. The younger just did not like the older and the older didn’t trust the younger. Nick felt a sense of protectiveness toward Ben he hadn’t felt toward anyone before. Felt kind of nice. “What are you looking at, old man?”

“Someone who’d better keep his hands off my truck. Ask Ben what happens when you mess with it.”

“Oooh…such an angry voice for a rich man.”

“Shut the fuck up, Steve…Christ, what is your problem?” Ben pushed Steve away from the truck with the door and got out, grabbing his duffle and dramatically slinging it onto his shoulder. Maybe he’d accidentally smack him in the head.

“Nothin’, nothin’, just playin’. Chill out, dude. Damn, you’re uptight lately.”

Ignoring his ‘friend’, Ben looked back to the truck to his…friend. A real one. “You gonna come watch?”

“I think I’m gonna go, Ben…you can walk home?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for bringing me!”

“Yep…play good. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Nick rolled up his window and finally breathed again. That kid was no good. None whatsoever. And there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it either.

“Rosalie! Come on, Nick’s here!”

“Vengo, Mami! Un momento.”

“She’s way too excited about this. You’d think we were going to a Yankees game or something.”

“Ben will like that…he’s a nervous wreck, I guess.”

“Do you know what position he’s playing?”

“NO! He won’t tell me, the little putz. All I know is if that Steven kid says one more thing to me, I’m gonna pop him.”

“Oh, that’ll go over well, Nick. ROSALIE!”

“Okay, okay…” Finally they heard her running down the hall. “How do I look?” She swirled around letting her short skirt catch the breeze and blow up. She couldn’t have cared less.

“Oh, very nice…come here.” Solana squatted down to her daughter to twist her skirt the right direction. “Ben will be happy to see you.”

“Yes, I’m gonna cheer him on! Goooooo Ben!” Full toddler cheerleading regalia. In colors that matched Ben’s team no less. And pom pom’s. Somehow Nick knew those were going to be taken away before the evening was over. “Nick? You like?”

“Yes, Rosalie…you look beautiful.” He leaned into Solana and whispered, “There aren’t cheerleaders in baseball.”

“You tell her that, you die. Pick your arguments. Rule number 1 in parenting. Learn it now.”

“Mmm…I’ll keep it in mind. How’d you find one to match?”

“I didn’t. Mom went outlet shopping and brought it over. Pure luck.” Looking down at her dancing, cheering daughter, she had to laugh. So much joy. It was a shame some of it was lost as people matured and grew. Unnecessary, really. “Okay, pom pom girl, time to go.”

“Oh, before we go out there, I brought my friend Tony. Thought I might need some security with all the kids and stuff.”

“Okay, no problem…you sure you should be doing this?”

“Yes…I need to do this for Ben.”

Solana buckled Rosalie’s seat in the back of Nick’s truck and shut the door. Looking over to her seat partner, Rosalie decided she wasn’t pleased and she scrunched up her nose to say as much. “I don’t know you.”

Tony wasn’t real familiar with little kids, but Nick had told him to just be himself. Now it was time to see if it worked. He reached a hand out to her and smiled. “I’m Tony, Nick’s friend.”

She looked at his hand and back up to his face. Nope. No touching yet. “Oh. I’m Rosalie. I’m Nick’s friend too.”

“So we have something in common.”

Shrugging her shoulders, not liking his large mouth, she looked towards the front, happy to see her mom with Nick again. She had missed him. “I guess. I cheer for Ben. You?”

“Yup…you point him out to me, okay?”

“Okay. He’s my friend too.”

And that was that. Tony lived, Nick was with Solana again, Ben was going to have a real cheering section. Yep, all was right with the world.

When they got to the ball diamond, Rosalie was out of her seat and the truck before anyone else had moved.

“Woah, little doggie. You stop right there…parking lot, young lady.” Solana slid out of the truck and grabbed her arm. “Excited is good…stupid is not.”

“Sorry, Mami.” She pushed a pom pom in her mom’s face and giggled when Solana pulled it down and stuck out her tongue. “You silly.”

“You crazy…let’s go find Ben.”

Nick scooped up Suzy Rah Rah and put her on his shoulders, tightening his baseball cap lower on his face. He was torn. He wanted to be seen with this family…in an odd way, they were his family now, and he was quite proud of that fact. But at the same time, the gossip would be flying. He wasn’t in the mood. Wouldn’t help record sales, wouldn’t please his mother, his record company, or his management. As much as he didn’t give a shit, he did. But he also gave a shit about these people. So today…image be damned. He was going to a ball game with friends. End of story. Let the chips fall where they may.

“Yay, Nicky! You tall!!!”

“Now you are too…Ben’s wearing red…do you see his team?”

“Yep…over there, Nicky. Big boys in red over there!”

Tony kept his distance, yet was right nearby. Solana was surprised at the fluid system they had set up. Within no time, Nick was noticed and she could see the mood shift, especially in the young girls. But, with one look from Tony, they backed up. Didn’t approach. Whispered plenty, but no one came near. No one was offended and Nick was allowed to walk through the community scene without one ounce of celebrity…sorta. It was surreal.

They took their seats at the top of the bleachers, Tony staying a few feet away to keep an eye on things. Ben caught Nick’s eye and lit up like a Christmas tree. And where was he warming up? The pitcher’s mound. The kid was the starting pitcher. Amazing. Nick got a glimmer in his eye and a flutter in his heart he was sure was only reserved for proud dads. But dammit, he was proud.

Solana was too busy watching Tony work, watch the young girls form a small gaggle behind Nick on the stands. It was disconcerting. Leaning into his arm and softening as he wrapped it around her pulling her in, she finally asked what had been going through her head the entire walk in.

“Is this normal for you?”

“Is what normal?”

“The whispering…the stares. It’s annoying.”

“I don’t pay it much attention or I’d go nuts. That’s why Tony’s here.”

“You’re lucky to have a friend like him.”

“Yeah, I know. He’d do anything to protect me. Kind of amazing b/c he’s not really paid security.”

“I wonder why you’ve not needed it with Ben before.”

“People don’t expect to see me. But now, well…with you and Rosalie it ups the anty on gossip and stuff…”

“I’m sorry, Nick…” She tried to pull away and he held on tighter.

“No, no…you’re not goin’ anywhere. We’re friends. They can deal.”

She liked that. Friends with a special twist, but it felt good. Felt good to be cared for, although these staring eyes were frustrating. “So, Tony’s here so they don’t get any wise ideas and so Ben can have a game without a spectacle?”

“Yep. Normal is what Ben needs…not spectacle.”

“Welllll, if it isn’t Ben’s surrogate Daddy. And you brought the family, how sweet.”

No words, just presence. Tony casually moved in between Nick and Steve, ruffling Rosalie’s hair as she made up a goofy Spanglish cheer. But, somehow Steve knew this dude meant business and amazingly, he shut up.

“I’m gonna kill that kid.”

“No, that’s my job. You’re here for Ben. The rest is mine. Watch the game.”

So he did. He pulled Solana in tighter, one eye on Rosalie and one on Ben. It wasn’t what he knew as family, but yeah…this would do. Lots of love, lots of support and just enough tension to keep everyone on their toes.

And so the summer went. Ball games for all ages, swimming, boat rides, afternoons on Solana’s porch, evenings on Nick’s deck watching the sun set. Family. A new variety, but it worked and they all loved it.

For the Casey kids, they loved it because it was an escape from their reality. But one where they could learn to love and respect each other and hopefully, themselves. Ben was hanging with Steve, much to Nick’s chagrin, but he never seemed to lose focus. Erin, his sweetie, probably helped. He was even pitching in to help Patty keep the house up, and Jack…the little chef. He was helping with meals. They were learning what real family was about. Even if it was a mess.

For Solana, it was a chance to see people grow and change and mature. A huge reason why she got into this field. And she did a little maturing herself by letting others care for her daughter. By letting her daughter decide who she trusted and who she didn’t. Rosalie was a smart little girl. Heck, she was even teaching Nick some Spanish. Solana was also softening enough to let others care for her. Namely Nick. It was a friendship she had never imagined. One she never wanted to be without.

For Nick…it was a combination of everything. He learned to love and respect someone other than his family. And to trust. It was all about trust. Trust of his own ability to make decisions, to choose for himself, to lean on his instincts, to feel something again. And to trust others enough to let them into his heart…and own a piece of it.

The time was coming for everyone to test their new skills. School was only weeks away. Nick was about to break out as a solo artist and make it on his own. It was time to separate, yet never leave one another. A time for little men to be big. Responsible, reliable and full of integrity. And a time for big men to remember to be little…child-like, trusting and full of wonder.

It could be done. It had to be done.

Nick tossed his bag up into the overhead compartment and slunk down in his seat with more than a little bit of anger oozing out of him. He did not want to be here. He did not want to be going where he was going. But, management insisted. No one had wanted to talk turkey for months and now all the sudden it was a fucking emergency. Assholes. All of ‘em. They were just pissed that he had quit being the push-over he’d been for the past ten years. No one knew how to handle it, so they thought bullying him around would work like it used to. Well, not anymore.

But first, before total anger could set in, he had to make something right. Ben had a major ball game the next night and there was no way Nick was going to make it. Strangely enough, that was probably pissing him off more than anything else. He hated broken promises and he knew Ben would not sit well with this one either. He had no choice, unfortunately. Heaving an exhausted sigh, he pulled out his cell and dialed the number.

“’lo?”

“Ben? Nick…”

“Yo…hey. Waddup?”

“Well, not much good. I’m gonna have to bail on tomorrow night.”

“What!? Nick…it’s the other undefeated team, man. You promised!”

“I know I did, but something’s come up and I tried everything to get out of it…and I’m stuck. I’m on the plane now.”

“Oh fine…wait ‘til you’re on the plane to call.”

“Ben…Christ. I got the call a couple of hours ago. I packed and hit the airport…this is my first chance.”

“Yeah, whatever…you gonna miss the last game too?”

“Remind me of the date.”

“The 13th.”

“Yeah, I’m good…should be back by then.” Hearing Ben sigh, Nick tried one more time. “I’m really sorry, Ben. You know I’d have worked this out if I could.”

“Mmm…”

“You got paper? Take down my cell number.”

“Why?”

“So you can call me and tell me how it went. I wanna know.”

“Aw, you care?”

“Don’t pull that shit with me, dammit. I’m trying here.”

“Yeah, yeah…hang on.”

Nick waited while he heard Ben scuffle around for a pen and paper. This was not going well.

“Okay, shoot.”

Nick gave him the number and honestly wondered if Ben was really writing it down. But it was out of his control. If the kid was going to have a hissy about something he could do nothing to change, Nick was going to have to let him.

“Call me after the game…I keep it on most of the time.”

“Whatever. I gotta go…”

And that was it. Nick heard the click and just sat there with the phone in his hand listening to the total silence. “Yeah, bye.” He slammed the phone closed and shoved it back in his pocket, angrily buckling his seat belt. This whole thing just sucked. Settling back into his seat, he smiled thinking a few vindictive thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, Ben’s call would interrupt a meeting…piss off some pompous windbag during his eloquent speech on loyalty and trust. Maybe…it’d be Brian.

“See ya’ later, Steve!” Ben hiked his bag up over his shoulder again and took a deep breath before going inside. As much as he, Jack and Kitty pitched in, it just seemed like things were going downhill anyway. His only escape had been times with Nick and now…well, Nick had dumped him too. At least it felt like it.

Without paying much attention, he slung his bag on the floor and let the screen door hit him on the butt before he got in all the way. Some day that thing would fall completely off its hinges. Looking up, he realized a screen door was the least of his problems. His life stopped right before his eyes.

Just like he’d seen a million times before, Amy was sitting up on a blanket playing with hand-me-down toys. Pieces missing, colors faded, but she didn’t care. What totally changed the picture was the man sitting next to her. Touching her cheek, helping her sort the rings, calling her ‘sweetie.’

Her dad.

His…

…whatever he was called. The man who tried. The man who made him lose all sense of trust. The man who was the topic of conversation at his weekly counseling sessions. Him. Darren.

And here he was pawing all over “his daughter” like she was the best thing in his life. Like he was really her dad…he had no idea what it was like to be a dad. To be a man.

Swallowing down the bile that was threatening, Ben choked out the only thing that had come through his young mind since he walked in.

“Get the fuck out.”

Darren looked up to Ben and smiled. It’d been a long time since he’d…oh yeah. That. Probably why the kid was so pissy. He just didn’t understand is all. “Hey…Ben. How’s it goin’? You win your game?”

“Get the fuck out of MY house.”

“Ben…now…” Looking down to Amy who immediately felt the tension in her big brother and reacted accordingly with whimpering, he scooped her up and stood to greet the teen. “You’re upsetting Amy.”

“Get the fuck out of my house…NOW.”

He approached Ben slowly, reaching out a hand while he kept a squirmy Amy propped on his hip. “Come on now, man. No hard feelings, huh?”

Ben had had it. With one quick move he took Amy from the man’s arms and screamed, not even sure what words were coming out of his mouth. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!”

“Benjamin Casey! You stop this instant!” Patty stormed in from the kitchen moving faster than she probably had in years.

“Stay out of this, Mom. He needs to leave.” Ben hiked Amy onto his skinny hip a bit better and walked over to the front door, holding it open for their ‘guest.’ “And he’s doing that right now.”

“He is doing nothing of the sort. What the hell is wrong with you?” Taking Amy from her son, she looked into his eyes with severe judgment. “Are you high?”

“I should be asking you that, shouldn’t I? How could you let this prick in our house again?”

“He’s Amy’s father, Ben…he wanted to see her.”

“Yeah, I bet…” turning his attention to the cocky man standing in the middle of his living room, looking more amused than concerned at the teen’s anger, Ben found a strength in him he didn’t know he had. He approached him and stared him down, happy to see that he was closer to the man’s height than he had been at their last fateful meeting. “What were you planning on doing to her, you piece of shit? You gonna hurt her too?”

“Ben, you’re being irrational…calm down.” As cocky as Darren was acting, he did back up at Ben’s approach. Yes, he had grown since their last…meeting.

“What the hell are you talking about? Ben…get out of here right now.”

“Oh no…I live here. If anyone’s leaving, it’s him. It’s about time you heard about this anyway.”

“What are you…” Now turning her attention to the man as well, Patty questioned with her eyes, and finally her voice. “What is he talking about, Darren?”

“He’s overreacting. Nothing. It’s nothing. You got a beer?”

“No, she does not have a beer and you are leaving. Unless you wanna talk to her about the last time I saw you.” Ben took a quick look around to make sure Liz and Jack weren’t around. They did not need to see or hear this. Innocence was one thing they still had going for them.

“I don’t see what’s to tell, Ben…you’re blowing things out of proportion.”

“You’re a total fuck. I’ve had it. Get out.”

“Ben! You will not kick him out of this house!”

“You told me I’m the man of this house now, right?”

She backed down. Yes, he was. As sad of a truth as it was, yes. She had instilled that in him and he took it seriously…usually. Without a word, she looked down and nodded her answer. What was he so upset about?

“Then as the man of this house, I want this man out. Now. I mean it, Mom. Amy is fine without a dad…if this is the shit that’s going to show his face as one.”

“You’ve turned into a little punk, huh? No wonder you had so much fight in you that day.”

“Mom, take Amy out of here.”

“I will do no such thing.”

Now he was pleading. “Please, Mom…get her out of here. I’ll explain later.” Mother and son met eyes and mother knew he was serious. She had no idea what would happen next, but for some reason, against her better judgment, she took Amy back into her bedroom and shut the door.

“I want you out of this house and never show your face again, do you understand me?”

“You don’t tell me shit, Ben…who do you think you are?”

“Your worst nightmare if you ever come near anyone in my family again. It’s not been too long that I can’t report you…and I will.”

“You don’t have the balls.”

“Don’t test me, Darren. A lot has happened since you were here. You have no idea who you messed with.”

“I’m real scared, kid.”

“I don’t care if you’re scared or not. I want you gone now. Amy is fine without you. You try to fight for any custody, I’ll be there. You go away and our little secret stays just that. Got it?”

“She’s my daughter.”

“You lost that right when your hand went on my dick.” Thinking about that moment and having much too much of a memory about it, he swallowed hard and held the door open again. “I’m done. Get out.”

This time, for whatever reason, Darren took the offer. But not without one more moment of discomfort for Ben. Had to push one more button. Had to somehow show he really was “the man” in this situation. Leaning down to whisper in the boy’s ear, he had to try one more time. “You’d have liked it, Ben…too bad you’ll never know now.” He slid his finger across Ben’s chin as he walked out, Ben never moving, never flinching, never blinking, never breathing.

Ben slammed the door behind Darren and buckled into a pile of tears. Tears of anger, fury, and…relief. He’d done it. He stood up to the man. Now, to go explain it to Mom.

Peeking into her room, Ben’s heart sank. Amy stood at the bed sucking on her pacifier, fear and confusion clouding her typically bright eyes. But his mother…she looked utterly defeated. She sat on the floor in a heap, totally ignoring the baby, totally unaware of anyone else. It was like she was in shock.

“Come here, Amy…let’s see if Jack’s around, huh?”

Amy’s face lit up and reached up for her brother, spitting out the pacifier and resting her head on his shoulder. He was the only daddy she ever knew. What a frightening thought.

Finding his younger brother outside, he looked up to the heavens in a quiet prayer that Jack wouldn’t be a dick about watching her. It’d be a first, but who said miracles couldn’t happen. “Jack, I need you to keep an eye on Amy for me.”

“What was going on in there?”

“Don’t worry about it. Just…please? Don’t ask, huh?”

Seeing the seriousness on his face, as well as the tear stains, Jack conceded with no argument. “Yeah, sure…” He took hold of his sister, planting a kiss to her cheek. “…come on, Sissy. Let’s go check out Mr. Dorsey’s flowers.”

“Don’t pick ‘em, Jack!”

Jack waved his brother off and held his sisters hand as they walked across the alley to the neighbors yard. Thank God for miracles. Now, could there possibly be two in one day?

When Ben got back in, he was surprised to find his mom in the kitchen starting dinner, acting as though nothing had just happened.

“I’m going to call Darren tomorrow and you’re going to apologize to him. I’m also telling Nick what happened here. He’d be very disappointed in your behavior.”

What the hell? Who was this woman? “I’m not apologizing. You need to sit down and listen to me.”

“I’m busy.”

“Bullshit. We’ll have hotdogs again. I’ll even cook. Right now, we talk.”

“Since when are you my boss, young man? I can’t believe the way you acted with Darren. That is Amy’s father!”

“Yes, and he tried to get in my pants, too.”

Patty dropped the head of lettuce out of her hand, ignoring it as it rolled toward the back door. “What are you talking…Ben?”

“Sit down, Mom…I mean it. You look like you’re gonna pass out.”

That’s because she thought she might. “Ben?”

“Okay, here’s the deal. You know how I go to counseling every Monday?”

“Yeah…I thought that was, well, Miss Romero never said, did she?”

“No, because I asked her not to. I knew Darren was Amy’s dad and I just…god. I can’t believe that son of a bitch.”

“What are you talking about, Ben? I’m confused.”

“Two…two and a half years…before you got pregnant with Amy, Darren took me to the movies.”

“He did that a lot. He liked you.”

“Well, yeah. And normally, it was no big deal, but for some reason, this one night he parked in the back of the theater. It was crowded; I didn’t think much about it.”

“Okay…”

“We saw the movie. Star Wars. Fine. He takes me to the car, but stops before we get to it. No one’s around now and…he starts talkin’ all funny to me. I didn’t understand what he was talkin’ about.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, either. You’re scaring me.”

“Good. You should be scared. Anyway, next thing I know, he has me pinned up to his car and his hand is…it’s…” Ben looked down, the initial momentum of his story losing steam as the memory washed over him. He was 10, almost 11 when this happened. No kid should have memories like this.

“Ben…”

“…on me. You know…” pointing to his crotch, he swallowed back a tear. He couldn’t look at his mom. He just couldn’t.

“No he did not.”

“Yes, mom, he did. He started rubbing and of course…well, I reacted. I’d never felt that before. Well, outside of the shower. I never knew what the hell it meant and I surely never touched it like that.” Yet. God. This was humiliating. More than he ever imagined it would be.

Patty stood up and retrieved the head of lettuce and smacked it on the table, slamming a drawer open to find a knife. “You’re lying to me, young man and I’ll not have it. I want you to go find Jack and Amy and get him in here to help me with dinner.”

“Mom…I’m not lying to you! Why would I make something like this up!?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to hear another word…go get your brother.”

“No.”

“No!? Get out there right now and get your brother! You’re just giving me more to tell Nick and if he’s smart he’ll just stop seeing you altogether.”

“Nick knows, Mom! Miss Romero knows! Mrs. McKenna knows! And if you paid ANY attention to Darren today, you’d see that he knows too.”

“I’m not listening to any more of this. You’re just…just…”

“Just what, Mom? Telling you a truth you don’t want to face? That the man that fucked you, that fathered Amy, tried to fuck your son first!? You don’t want to deal with that? Well, tough shit, Mom. I’ve lived with it every day of my life since it happened. It’s about time you dealt with it.”

“GET OUT! NOW! Do not come back here for dinner either…you’re just…a perverted little teenaged boy who’s confused. I’ll not have you talk that way in this house.” She was shaking the large knife in his face now, totally unaware how close she was.

“He tries to jack off a 10 year old boy and I’m the pervert!? You are sick, Mom…sick and dense.” He pushed the knife away not caring if it sliced his fingers or not. “And you’re shoving a knife in my face. Put it down.”

Shocked at her own anger, she stepped back and went back to cutting the lettuce. “Please leave. I need to calm down and having you here will make it worse. I can’t believe I raised such a twisted young man.”

“Fine. I’m out.” Ben grabbed the cordless phone off its cradle and slammed out the back door, heading to Mr. Dorsey’s to find his brother. Yep. He was out alright. Dialing a familiar number, he stopped in the alley before he was too close for anyone to hear.

“Steve? Yeah, Ben. I changed my mind, man. Count me in.”

Exhausted. Fed up. Irritated. Spent. Yep, it all defined Nick and he couldn’t wait to get home. The flight back from LA had sucked, the trip in LA had sucked and he never heard from Ben either. It all just sucked.

Since it all sucked, he went shopping. To buy away his guilt for leaving Ben hanging on a broken promise and because…he wanted to. He opened up his new bag, having to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. He’d bought so much, he had to buy another bag to carry it all home. FAO Schwartz loved him now, that was definite.

Finally finding the plastic bag in amongst his underwear, he pulled it out to check out his purchases…to make the ride home from the airport go quicker. He wanted his shower…his bed…his home.

He found a couple of CD’s for Kitty. Their collection was sparse at best, but she seemed to really like music. So, he found a few that she and her friends might like, tossing in one of his brothers, of course. For Jack, an Exo-Toa Bionicle doo-hickey thing. And another set of something that went with it. It was all gobbledy gook to Nick. All he knew is Jack had drooled over them at the Disney store earlier in the summer. And the truth was, Nick enjoyed helping him build them. If only Jack could hush for five minutes when he was trying to figure out those stupid charts.

For Liz, he’d blown a wad of money and he didn’t care. It was going to be shipped in a few days, but to gear her up for it, he bought a small portion. A princess, a fountain and a frog. By the time he saw her the whole thing might be there…a castle. Filled to the gills with little furniture, dolls, everything. She was going to freak.

For Solana…well, this may have to wait, but he’d found a cute little necklace and bracelet set for Rosalie. Cheapy stuff, but good for her. It looked like grown up things and she loved that. So, on a whim, he hit his favorite jewelry store and asked if they had anything to match in the adult variety. And they did. Some day, she’d get it. Maybe soon, maybe not. He’d have to feel that one out.

Then Ben…easy enough. A new ball glove. A real good one too. He was using an old glove his mom found at a garage sale. Had insisted on it, but dammit, the kid had earned a new one. He was playing his butt off. Getting to all the games, all the practices, learning to chill his temper when he knew he’d pitched a perfect strike and the dumb batter jumped, thus manipulating the ump to call it a ball. Yep. A new ball glove. The kid deserved it.

He sifted through the few trinkets for his brother and sisters and folded up the sack, shoving it into his duffle. Leaning back, he smiled as the van got closer to home. Life was looking good. The business end of his life was a shambles, however...part of it anyway. But his solo stuff was pretty much ready to go. Some photo shoots, a video shoot and major promotion awaited, but he was ready. As for the others? Piss on ‘em. He was doing this. He was going to succeed. There was no other alternative.

Nick tipped the driver and slid out of the van, breathing in the hot, sticky Florida air. Yeah, it was thick and oppressive, but it was home. He jumped up his one step and fussed with his key in the lock, leaning funny to keep the two bags on his shoulder. He finally stumbled in and tossed his bags on the foyer tile and punched his security code in. And then, he breathed again.

It was a good thing. It would be his last good breath for a long time to come.

His house. His home.

Trashed.

Vandalized.

Violated.

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breath. He couldn’t stand. Sliding down the surface of his door, he could only muster the strength to cover his hand over his mouth, praying he wouldn’t puke all over the floor. He wasn’t able to move to the bathroom.

Furniture was over turned. Not one piece was upright. Pictures had been ripped off of their hangers and tossed, many laid in shambles with shattered glass and broken frames. Paperwork he’d left on his dining room table was scattered and from his vantage point on the floor, torn into shreds all over the place…like confetti. His stereo system was still there, but CD’s were all over the floor, cases broken, CD’s stepped on, videos and DVD’s ripped from their cases and strings of video tape littered the area.

In the kitchen, cabinet doors were open, some hanging off of their hinges and all their contents tossed to the floor, some in shards, some just sprinkled all over the tile. The refrigerator too was open, food spoiling, milk dripping down the shelves, beer bottles broken and dripping everywhere.

He had to get up and look at the rest of the damage, but he couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.

Finally, mustering up enough strength to stand, and feeling like the nausea had subsided enough to trust his balance, he turned and looked at the lock on his front door. Unharmed. A thought crossed his mind and he jogged to the garage entrance and checked that door. No forced entry. His sliding door was closed in back; he’d seen that already, but the deck looked a shambles too.

Touching nothing, he was on a mission now. There had to be a broken window. Something. His security must have been on the fritz. He sucked at getting that shit checked anyway. There was no way this was done by who he suspected. No fucking way. He refused to accept it.

Quickly, he made his way through his house, grimacing at the damage in each room, seeing that no windows were broken. His office was a shambles, computer monitor on the floor, blank paper from his printer torn and thrown all over…and his desk drawers open and emptied. Bastards had to somehow break locks to accomplish that. God knows what all they’d read…hopefully they didn’t take the time. It was bad enough that they’d thrown everything…everywhere. He was feeling queasy again. Not wanting to look at the mess any longer, he hit his studio. And fell to the floor again.

Everything, every tangible thing had been over turned, pulled away, touched, moved, messed with. Every piece of equipment. Every cord. Every stand. Every god damned piece of his drum kit. The heads all had holes, the cymbals were off their stands, the sticks…the mother fuckers. Every one of them broken into pieces. Pedals were bent out of shape…his kit was ruined.

And worse than that? This was his display room for awards, for special gifts from fans, for all the material things that represented his career. And they were all over the place. Just like the pictures in the living area, the plaques and record certifications were tossed on the ground, glass shattered, framed broken, dreams…thrown aside like yesterday’s garbage. His curio of presents had been busted open, glass broken and toys, trinkets, pictures and books strewn across the floor and into the hallway. They left no corner unturned. No memory unscarred. And left no window broken again. Damn.

One final room. His bedroom. He was afraid to look. All he’d wanted was his bed, his shower, his retreat. What had they done to it? Peeking in, he was almost relieved. Bed linens were ripped and on the floor, pictures of course, off the walls and broken in pieces, curtains torn off its rod…nothing special now. Nothing creative.

The feeling in the pit of Nick’s stomach was louder than he wanted to hear right now. And as exhausted as he was, he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t rest now. He was back to that place he’d been so many months before. He wanted to be numb. He wanted to stay that way. Jogging into his closet, he yanked a dress shirt and clean jeans off of a hanger and quickly changed clothes, checking for decent appearance in the cracked mirror. Jesus Christ. They had filled his sunken tub with dirt. Not a lot, but…he was out. Numb. He needed numb. Now.

“Why are you so desperate to go out tonight, man…I’m hurrying!” Nick stood in Tony’s bathroom doorway, a nervous ball of energy, growing impatient at this moron’s sudden vanity.

“Come on, dammit. You’re beautiful. Let’s go!”

“God…are you already on something tonight?”

“No, Christ Tony. Let’s just go. I need…I gotta get out of here.”

Finally Tony was satisfied and they were off. To a club. Any club. Anywhere. Nick just wanted it loud and free with the booze. That’s all he wanted.

After tossing back a couple of tequila shots, Nick made his way to the dance floor and let it go. The music swept him away as the alcohol made its way to his head. He continued like this for what felt like hours. Shots, dance. Shots, dance. He was finally getting there. Numb.

He looked down at the blond gyrating against him and threw his head back in total surrender to the moment. She could have blown him right there on the dance floor and he wouldn’t have cared. He motioned for another shot to be brought out to him and of course, with lightening speed it was. The power was almost as intoxicating as the liquor.

Yanking on the woman’s hair as she shimmied back up his body, he brought her in close, sharing breath, drunk on her hands that were sliding up and down his ass and back. He leaned in, wanting to taste her…taste what she’d been drinking…sense what only he wanted to sense.

And just as his lips brushed against hers, he stopped. Blinking back the image in his head, he tried again, but the girl knew something was up. “Nick?”

“I’m fine, baby...come here.”

Easy enough. She leaned in again and before contact, he pulled back again. Dammit. It was like a dream in fast forward. Flashes of Ben, Lani, Rosalie, Jack…everyone who mattered anymore. Even Aaron and his sisters. All he wanted was a damned kiss. What was happening?

Shaking his head again, he stepped back, mumbled a drunken apology to the girl and took off, away from the dance floor, away from the VIP, outside of the club as far as his wobbling legs would carry him. To hell with Tony. He probably was in no condition to drive him home anyway. As he tore through the crowd, his mind settled on one face, one image.

Lani.

Why was she haunting him now? Checking his watch and finally focusing in on the time, he took a risk. Time to test the friendship. To see how deep the waters really ran. He pulled out his cell and took a deep breath.

“Lani. It’s Nick. I…I need you.”

“You’re drunk.” She glared at his disheveled appearance and invasion into her pleasant evening already well under way with a girl friend. She’d told him to come over when she heard how distraught he was. She was not, however, expecting this. This was not the man she knew. Who was this idiot standing on her stoop?

“I know…please. Trust me…let me in.” Please, I’m about to fall over.

“You’re not coming in here drunk, you son of a bitch.”

“Lani…I’m sorry…you’ve got to listen to me.”

“I can’t believe you’d show up here at 1 in the morning totally shit faced. What’s the matter with you!?”

“Lani…please…I’ve not…just…god, don’t push me away too.” He rested his arm on the door frame and followed suit with his head. She couldn’t push him away…he’d lose everything. How could this all have happened in a matter of days? Nothing made sense any more.

Something was going on besides an apparent drunken booty call. Against her better judgment, she let him in, but no further than her foyer. “You need to puke, you do it outside, understand?”

“I’m not sick…I just need you to come with me.”

Another female peeked in on the scene, excusing her presence with her eyes. “Lani…go on. I’ll take Rosalie home with me.”

Solana looked between her two friends, not sure what was going on, feeling like she was the only one in the dark. Not a place she liked to be. She shoved a chair under Nick and told him to sit down while she spoke privately to her friend.

“Katy…you don’t have to do this. I don’t know what he’s doing here.”

“I don’t either, but Lani, look at him.” They both did and he looked up lazily and waved, the alcohol wearing off slowly. “Something is up and that’s why he’s drunk. Maybe he came by before he does something stupid.”

“Since when am I the savior of the damned?”

“Since you cared. Now, stop bitching and let me take Rosalie. Go…” Katy pushed her friend to the door, picking up her purse along the way. “I’ll pack her a bag and lock up. Do whatever you need to do. She’ll never know what happened.”

Solana looked to Katy one more time for assurance that she was doing the right thing. Going god-knows-where with a drunk man, and her with a couple of Margarita’s in her as well. This could lead nowhere good. “Go. Rosalie’s fine and you’re fine. He needs you.”

“Please, Lani…the cab’s waiting.”

“Yeah, okay…thanks, Katy.”

And with that she was out in the cab, heading…where? “Where are we going, Nick?”

“My place…you’re not gonna to believe this.” He leaned over, resting his head on the door wishing the alcohol would last a little longer. He could already feel again and honestly, he wasn’t ready for that.

She said nothing else, but took hold of his hand and rubbed it between hers. Katy was right. Something besides too much alcohol was up. He wouldn’t have come by otherwise.

Keeping his head on the door, he looked over to her and offered a weak smile. At least he hadn’t lost her. It felt like he’d lost everything else in a matter of days. He didn’t know why. Nothing made sense. But, feeling her hand in his, knowing that even though he showed up at 1 am in this state, she trusted him anyway…that helped. He’d get through this.

“Okay, buddy. This is it, right?”

Nick finally lifted his head and saw his home…be that as it may. It suddenly didn’t feel like home anymore. “Yeah, thanks.” He scrounged around his pocket for some cash and tossed it up front, grabbing Solana’s hand as he got out. “I’m sorry to have pulled you into this, Lani…I don’t know what else to do.”

“It’s okay, Nick…just show me what you need to. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it, alright?”

He handed her his key, knowing full well he couldn’t focus enough to get it to work right. Before she opened the door, he stopped her. “I think I blew it, Lani…I’m so sorry.”

“You blew nothing…now come on. What’s in here that has you so upset?”

Solana wiped Nick’s brow with a cold cloth as he sat back on the bathroom floor. Seeing everything again combined with the loads of liquor in his system finally did its number on him. And now, he was totally humiliated at having upchucked in front of Solana. Could this day get any worse?

“You okay?” She handed him the washcloth as she flushed…poor guy.

“Oh yeah, just great…let’s invite some people over and we’ll have a party.”

“Eh, looks like someone already had a party without you. We need another plan.”

“Mmm.” Nick closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. He just wanted to rewind the past few days. Was that too much to ask?

“You’re sure there’s no forced entry?”

“Did you see any?”

“No…I’m just trying to ignore the obvious. It’s ugly.”

“You’re telling me.”

“This makes no sense, Nick. You bailed on one fucking game. He…Ben…he loves you! Why would he do this for one…dammit.” She couldn’t sit anymore. Her anger was boiling and she had to move. Had to do…something. “You alright? I need to pace or something.”

“Yeah, go on. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Nick watched her go and groaned as his stomach turned again. He sat for a few moments, hoping it’d pass and when he felt it had, slowly got up to try and wash away the gross feeling surrounding him. He threw cold water on his face and brushed his teeth, never looking in the mirror again. His reflection felt like one of the enemies. He’d tried to run again. When would he learn?

Meeting her in the office, he had to chuckle as she sat on the floor in the middle of the mess. “What are you doing?”

“Thinking.” She put down the stack of papers she’d collected and sighed. “They stole nothing?”

“Nothing that I’ve seen, no. But I’m still going to have to replace a lot.”

“But nothing’s gone?”

“Nope. Just like at the school. At least the peckers didn’t use spray paint this time.”

“You think there was more than one?”

“Oh yeah…this was a huge job. Too big for one of ‘em.”

“How’d they get past security?”

“Ben knew my code. I trust-…I trust-…God DAMMIT!” He knew he’d been too calm about this…and now he’d had it. Slamming his fist into the door frame, he finally got a little out. And was now in pain. Yeah, the day could get worse.

“Nick! Baby…stop! Please!” She got up and wrapped an arm around him, holding his now throbbing hand and led him to the living room, pushing papers and debris out of the way so he could sit. “Don’t make it worse, now…come on.”

Making sure he wasn’t getting up, she went into the kitchen for ice. Of course, the freezer had been open for hours, so there was none to be had. Finding a wash cloth, she soaked it with ice cold water and hoped it’d be enough for now. “Wrap this around your hand.”

“Thanks…why did he do this!?”

“I don’t know…there has to be more to it, although nothing justifies this mess. Nothing at all.” She knelt down beside him helping him hold the cloth to his hand, rubbing his legs, trying to calm him down. His breathing was ragged and he was looking more ill than he had when he showed up on her front porch.

“I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“Listen to me, Nick. This is not your fault. I would have trusted Ben with something like your code…absolutely. He’s a changed boy. Miracles have happened inside of him and you are a huge reason for it. You can not blame yourself.”

“Well, I do. And then, I go and do the same thing…something goes wrong and I run to my old habits. Just like him. I’m no better than he is.”

“You stopped yourself. You came for help.”

“Yeah, sucking you into it…”

“Nick. Stop! I’d rather find out this way than in my office. This isn’t just a client screwing up. This is a friend hurting.”

He finally found the strength to look at her. In her. Amazing. No one cared for idiots like this, did they? He felt so foolish. “I don’t cry, Lani.”

“It’s okay if you do, Nick…I won’t blow your cover.”

Nick looked around at the mess surrounding him and just shook his head. He had changed so much in the last six months. Ben had changed…everyone had. Their lives were different now and only for the better. Ben was willing to throw it all away on one stupid baseball game?

“Do I have to call the cops?”

“No. But you might want to…for insurance.”

“Fuck the money. Anything they ruined is replaceable…I don’t care.”

“He needs to be held accountable. He and his helpers.”

“You think Steve is one of them?”

“I’d bet my life on it. Steve was always somehow involved in any trouble Ben found. I always hunched he was the brains behind it all.”

“He’s been messin’ with Ben a lot…always making a point of how much money I have. It’s almost like he’s been plotting this.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“There’s no way to report him and not Ben is there?”

“Nope.”

“Shit.”

“Yep.”

“I need to sleep…I can’t deal with this any more.”

“Where are your keys?”

“Basket by the phone over…well, where the phone used to be. Jesus Christ.” Nick laid his head back on the couch and let her get up to find the keys. He just wanted to sleep.

“Come on, big guy…you sleep at my house tonight. Let’s just hope my feet reach the pedals of that penis mobile you drive.”

“What!? Penis mobile?”

“Shut up and walk, Carter. I’ll explain in the morning.”

“Nick! You’re back!” Liz jumped up in his arms, acting as though she hadn’t seen him for weeks. It felt like weeks had passed in only a few days, but…it had really only been days. Lousy days.

“Yep…get Jack and Kitty. I brought presents.”

“What about Ben?”

“His is at the house.”

“Oh…he’s been mean anyway. He doesn’t deserve any gifts.”

“He has, huh?” Putting her back down, he whispered in her ear. “Did you bite him?”

“Yep!”

“Liz…”

“What? He bit me back…so we’re even.” And that was enough explanation for her. She ran out back, calling in Jack and just as quickly found Kitty in their bedroom.

Gifts were given, hugs were shared and Nick felt like Santa Claus. Liz couldn’t stop looking at the picture of the castle that was going to arrive any day and Kitty popped one of her CD’s in their boom box immediately, smiling as though the band were right there in her living room performing live. Jack had already dumped the contents of one of his boxes and was putting pieces together, making a pile of plastic pieces miraculously morph into a giant robot.

And then, all movement ceased.

“Oh…I didn’t know you’d be here today.”

“Yeah…had some gifts from my trip. I left yours at the house though…you free?”

“Um…I suppose…maybe. I’d uh, yeah. Lemme ask mom.”

Liz looked up from her princess and picture into Nick’s eyes. “What’s wrong with Ben, Nick?”

“I dunno, Liz. Maybe you need to ask him.” He was having trouble hiding his rage. But, for the other sibs, he had to. This did not concern them in the least.

Fortunately, she really didn’t care. Ben was a moody kid…so it was easy to dismiss him. Jack was too involved to even look up, which was good. He’d see through everyone. Kitty saw. Kitty noticed. And then went back to her music, not wanting to know what was going on. Nick was mad. Ben was nervous. This could mean nothing but trouble.

“Okay, Mom says I can go.”

“Good, come on.”

“Why couldn’t you have just brought it here?”

“Because I need to show you something. It’s at the house.”

Ben stopped walking and sat on the couch. He didn’t want to go. “You know, I don’t want to. You can bring it next time.”

“Nope…come on. I need you to come with me.” Don’t push me, kid. I’m about to blow as it is.

“No.”

“Ben…” Nick fired his glare straight through Ben’s eyes into his heart. “You need to come with me. The alternative is no good.”

“Shit…yeah, yeah. Okay.” He grabbed a bandana sitting on the coffee table and tied it around his head as he walked out. “Whatchu got your nuts in a knot about anyway?”

“My nuts are fine, Ben. I just want you to see something. Don’t make this a big deal.”

Ben couldn’t sit still the entire drive in. He flinched when they passed Nick’s security gate and the guard waved them in. He wanted to run, jump, flee. Get the hell out of the truck. But, when Nick pulled into the garage, he couldn’t move.

“You okay, Ben? Seem nervous today.”

“Huh? Oh…yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just fine.” If wishing that an anvil would fall from the heavens and smash you dead was fine, yeah. He was fine.

“Good…come on in. There’s something I wanna show you.”

Nick waltzed in his house with the comfort of a home owner and flipped on the kitchen light. Turning back to Ben, he argued with himself as to whether he should chuckle or pity the look on the kid’s face.

He wouldn’t move past the door frame. His face was as white as the cabinetry and his eyes were as big as saucers. Chuckle would be the outward response anyway. Keep up the façade.

“What’s up, Ben? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Nick hadn’t touched a thing yet. The only thing he’d done is close the refrigerator and freezer so he could keep food again. Otherwise, the house was as he found it the night before. On purpose, of course.

“Uh, noth-…nothin’. I, uh…what happened in here?”

“Nothing. Come on back. I’ve got your gift back in the spare room.”

What the hell was wrong with him? He was acting like…like he always did. Didn’t he see? Why was he doing this?

Ben reluctantly followed, stepping over broken plates, grimacing as his feet crunched underneath the scraps of paper strewn all over the living room. He stopped short of going into the spare room…the room where he typically slept. Dammit. He wanted to leave. It was a mess.

“Come on, Ben. What’s the matter with you, man?” Nick started looking in dresser drawers for the “gift”. Of course, the drawers were all over the floor and some were completely emptied of their contents. Ben just stood there speechless. “Hmmm…not in here. Maybe it’s in Jack’s room.”

Nick grabbed his wrist and pulled him across the hall and went through the same routine. No gift. Master bedroom. Same thing. With a twist.

“Ben, while I’m looking in here, could you go into the bathroom? I left my glasses on the edge of the tub.”

“Uh…yeah…I…yeah.” Again with tentative steps, Ben walked into the room and audibly gasped as he saw the tub, the bottom covered in dirt. No glasses either. “They…they’re um…they’re not here, Nick.”

“Oh, okay…must have left ‘em in my office. Damn, I can not find this thing. Where could I have put it?”

“I have no idea…” Now he was feeling nauseous. This was a stupid game.

“Let’s try in there, huh? Come on.”

Ben stumbled behind Nick as he pulled him through the house being just the slightest bit rough with his grip on the teen’s wrist. “Nick! Slow down…what are you DOING!?”

“Looking for your gift, Ben…what are you doing?” He gently shoved Ben into the office and stood in the doorway as Ben soaked in the scene. Although this room was bad, the studio had to be the worst room of the entire house. Ben didn’t know it though and the disaster in front of him took his breath away.

“Move…lemme see if it’s in here.” Nick sifted through his desk drawers ignoring that they were on the floor and virtually empty. “Ah! Finally…here we go.” Tossing the bag to Ben who was still standing in the doorway, dumb-founded, pale and sweating, he chuckled as it hit him in the chest and then the floor. “Think fast, rabbit.”

“Nick, why are you doing this?”

“Because I felt bad leaving you hanging for the game…and you need this. Open it up.” He totally dodged the question and totally ignored Ben’s discomfort. It was fun at first, but now…neither was comfortable. This just sucked.

“Jesus, okay…” Ben bent over and peeked in the bag as he stood back up. “It’s a new glove…Nick?”

“Yep…you’ve earned it. Gone to all the practices, perfected your craft. You’re kicking ass…so, I thought you’d like that rather than that ratty thing you’re using.”

“Yeah, it’s great, but…”

“Make sure you oil it up good…get it softened up. It’ll be ready for tournaments in no time.”

“Yeah…” Ben opened and closed the glove in utter disbelief. He felt like he was in some odd dream.

“You want to order pizza? Maybe we can toss a bit outside?”

“Sure…”

“Good. I left the number of that new place in my studio…across the hall there. Could you go get it?”

“Um…yeah…where is it in there?”

“You’ll see it.”

Ben shook his head, continuing to clap the glove open and closed as he walked across the hall. Nick sat back in his chair and waited. This was hard work, but it needed to be done. Finally, as soon as he heard Ben open the studio door, he heard what he’d hoped…with just the right tone of voice, adolescent squeak running loud and clear.

“Miss Romero? What are you doing here?”

“Here’s your carry-out menu, Ben…I hope you like anchovies. I’m staying for dinner while we talk.”

“Clear off the table, Ben…might need to pick up those chairs, too.” Solana was pouring drinks…into glasses she’d found on the floor, still in one piece. She rinsed and dried them off like they were supposed to be stored on the floor. All Ben could do was stare. These two had completely lost their minds.

And if they thought it was going to work…to get him to crack about anything, they were sadly mistaken. But, he played along. It wasn’t like he had much choice in the matter anyway.

He picked up the bits of paper still left on the table and tossed them into the trash…which was miraculously unturned. Weird. Nick watched as Ben flipped the chairs back on end and set them around the table, never looking up, sweating like a banshee.

Just before Ben’s veins in his neck exploded, the doorbell rang and Nick disappeared into the hallway to get the pizza. Anchovy no less. Barf.

They all gathered around the table and started eating, not many words being shared. General pleasantries on passing the parmesan, the pop, the napkins…cutting a piece free from the pie. Finally, Ben couldn’t take it anymore. Slamming his glass on the table, he didn’t even react when it splashed everywhere.

“Dammit! What are you guys doing!? Have you lost your minds?”

Nick had just stuffed an piece of pizza in his mouth, picked free of anchovies of course, and grimaced as he tasted a missed one. Disgusting. Pulling the errant fish from his mouthful, he mumbled around his food. “What are you talking about, Ben? We’re eating dinner.”

“Jesus…cut the crap. The house…this mess…you’re acting like nothing’s wrong!”

They innocently looked around and shrugged, looking back to Ben. “Oh, I dunno Ben. I think it looks kinda neat...eclectic.” Solana snitched an anchovy off Nick’s place and seductively slid it into her mouth. Too bad they were slimy fish…both boys shivered.

“You’re gross.”

“They’re yummy…wimps…both of you.”

“Okay, I’ve had it. Nick, take me home.” Ben stood to the shocked looks of his adult dinner companions.

“Why, Ben…you seem so uncomfortable…what’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me!? What’s wrong with you !? I don’t get what you’re trying to pull here and I’m sick of it…this is a stupid game.”

“Sit down…you’re overreacting. And wipe up that drink, huh? It’ll get sticky.”

Ben angrily grabbed a napkin and soaked up his spill, glaring at both adults as he worked. “You’re nuts. I want to go home.”

“Why? Why is this so uncomfortable for you?”

“Because you’re messing with my head. I’m not an idiot you know. I know what you’re trying to prove.”

“You do, huh? Share.” Nick bit again and slammed his pizza down having bit into yet another anchovy. “Okay, woman. I’m all about accommodating your tastes, but this is the LAST time we get anchovies on a pizza…this is sick.” He tossed this particular fish over to her and looked back at Ben. “Okay…sorry. Go on.”

“Argh! You think I’m behind this shit, don’t you? You think I did it! Why else would you be waltzing around here like nothing’s wrong?”

“Is that what you think? That we’re accusing you of this?”

“Well, why the hell else would you be acting this stupid?”

“I dunno, Ben…so, tell me…” Solana slid another one of Nick’s anchovies into her mouth and chewed slowly, smiling as it slid down her throat. “…how much do you know about this mess?”

For some reason, when he was finally confronted with it, he fell silent. Nothing. He plopped back into his seat, defeat permeating from his every pore. “Why don’t you tell me what you know? I don’t have anything to say.”

Solana looked to Nick and nodded. It was time to put the game pieces away. And take that fool pizza away from the man. He looked so pathetic picking things off of his food. She took the box into the kitchen, completely clearing the table of all but drinks. God, he needed a woman like this around. She took care of him and let him take care of her…

…but not now. Now was time to make a young man face the music. “Okay, Ben. Here’s what I know.”

“Finally…this is stupid.”

Nick raised his eyebrows and took a deep breath, hoping to keep his voice calm, when all he really wanted to do was ring the kid’s neck. He could do it. “I know that I called you and bailed out of a very important ball game and that it pissed you off. I also know, it killed me to do that.”

“Oh cry me a river…this has nothing to do with that and you know it.”

“I’m telling you what I know Ben, and the truth is, I don’t know what’s related and what’s not. Can I continue or are you going to rip apart everything I say?” Now the anger that had been pent up for 24 hours was finally seeping out. Very slowly.

“No…go on.” Asshole.

“Thanks. I also know that when I got home from the worst business trip of my life, all I wanted was my shower, my bed…the comforts of my home. MY home, Ben. Do you get that much?”

“Yes.”

“Good…no commentary?”

“No, dammit…”

“Fine. The third thing I know is that when I walked inside, it took everything I had to not puke all over the place.”

“So?”

Nick clenched his fists and closed his eyes. This attitude was not helping. He wanted to punch the kid. Just punch that smirk right off his fool face. Words. Words would work, although he wasn’t kind. He’d run out of ‘kind’. “Shut up. Just shut up, Ben. You asked me to go first and I’m going.”

“Ben, please…this isn’t some school prank.” Solana was impressed with Nick’s patience…and she could see where these two had built a rapport, even though in Nick’s eyes it probably wasn’t going well. Actually, it was. He was more in control than he knew.

Looking up to Miss Romero, Ben hushed. For a moment. He didn’t like Nick’s disapproval, but hers? It killed him. “Sorry…so you didn’t puke…”

“No. I searched every room for a sign that some unknown burglar had come in and ripped my place apart, but do you know what, Ben?”

“No, Einstein, I wasn’t here. What?” So it didn’t last long.

“There was no forced entry. Someone went passed my security, gave them the password, punched in my garage door code, walked in my house, punched in that security code, and having free reign of every corner of my house, completely destroyed…my…home.”

“I still don’t know why I’m here.” This kid was good.

“I’m not done with what I know, Ben.”

“Oh.”

“The last thing that I know is that there are four people on this planet that know those codes. Four. You want me to name them for you?”

“Sure…go ahead.” How this kid kept the cocky attitude up, Nick would never know. He had to be squirming inside.

Nick counted with his fingers to bring his point home. “Tony. My brother. Solana. And you.”

Without missing a beat, Ben turned on Nick in a way neither thought would ever happen.

“Did you check with your brother?”

Nick stood so fast, he pushed the table out, knocking over all four drinks, not giving a damn. Before he knew it, Ben’s shirt was in his hands and his face was dangerously close to Nick’s fist. Fortunately, Solana was fast too.

“Nick…sit down now! You don’t want to do this! Please!”

“The hell I don’t…don’t you EVER bring my brother into your fucked up world, do you understand me!?”

He shoved Ben back into his chair and clenched his fists as he returned to his own, the anger beyond anything he’d ever felt before. Of course, he didn’t really want to punch the kid. Much. Hard. Maybe.

Solana took over, Nick having spent every ounce of patience he had in him. “Ben, no one is completely accusing you of this…but you have to admit. The situation is pointing in your direction. Why don’t you tell us what YOU know about it?”

“I know nothing.”

“Bullshit. Jesus Christ Ben, do you think I was born yesterday!?” Okay, so he had a little left in him. Although patience hardly defined it.

“What, Nick? I’m sorry this happened, but do you think that a missed ball game would drive me to this!? Do you think that shitty of me? Haven’t I proved myself enough to you?”

“Yes, Ben you have. And that’s why I’m dried out with ‘what I know’. It makes no sense. But the cards are stacked against you. You’d better start coughing up what you know, so we all can fix this.”

“I know nothing.”

Nick got up, more calmly this time and took the seat next to Ben, sliding the boy’s chair around to face him. Ben took a breath to talk, but Nick silenced him with a finger. “Wait. I just remembered one more thing.”

“Okay.”

“I know that I trusted you, Ben. I let you inside. Do you understand that I never, ever, EVER do that!? Never.” Ben took a breath to talk, but Nick shook him off. “Not done. Shut up.” Satisfied as Ben sat back, he continued.

“I let you in. In my life. In my heart. In my home. And I trusted you. Completely. You had free reign of my house, my stuff, my life. I know there’s no way you can even begin to grasp what a huge sacrifice that was for me, but I did it willingly. And I didn’t regret it for one second.” Nick stopped, seeing that his words were having some affect. This was good. Nick sucked at sharing himself like this too, but it had to be done. Getting a nod from Solana to continue, he did. “You became a key person in my life. Major. That does not happen with me.” He stopped again, hoping he was still getting through. “Are you getting any of this?”

“Yes…” Ben couldn’t look up…he couldn’t look at Nick or Solana…he was humiliated.

“Good. I break one promise completely out of my control and you go fucking ballistic on me. You took my trust and stomped on it, Ben. You violated it. You vandalized it. You completely broke it.”

Nick stopped to let it all sink in. There was no doubt Ben had his hands in this mess. None whatsoever. But to what extent? Why was he being so belligerent? Having one more point to drive home, Nick made his final, if not most feeble point.

“And if it makes you feel any better…I finally puked. In front of Solana…totally humiliating. Why? Because I felt completely defeated. I’d failed. And you know how I feel about failure.”

Nick scooped a finger under Ben’s downcast face to make him look at him. He did love this kid. And this was killing him. “You succeeded Ben. You made me hurt too. Are you proud of yourself?”

“No…” Ben jerked his face away from Nick’s finger and got up, not wanting them to see his tears.

“Are you saying you are responsible for this?” Solana was the only one with a voice left because Nick had finally crumbled himself, soft tears running down his face. How had he failed to see what was inside of this kid?

“No, I’m not…Miss Romero. I swear to you.” He angrily wiped a stray tear from his face and ripped the do-rag from his head, sick of being so hot. “I mean it. I did not do this.”

Nick brought refreshed drinks out to the deck, happy to see it somewhat back in order. There wasn’t too much damage out here, just an over-turned table and chairs and pool equipment strewn all over the place. One chair had been floating in the pool, but Ben was working on drying it off. Solana dumped the collected equipment into a pile by the door and slumped in a chair, smiling at the tray of drinks in Nick’s hand.

“Oh good…they threw that crap everywhere. I’m thirsty.”

Nick’s eyes met Solana’s as he set down the tray and he breathed his first breath of relief since the previous night. Her presence, while not having the complete effect on Ben they’d hoped, was surely helping Nick get through this a bit more sanely. He mouthed a heart felt thank you and she replied with a blown kiss. “No problem.”

“Ben…come on. That’s good enough.”

It was obvious he was stalling, but no one could deny him that. He was a nervous wreck, guilt, confusion and fear totally taking over his body. After his solid statement of innocence, Solana thought a break was needed. A chance of scenery and a plan for the night so no one would have an excuse to leave.

Bottom line? It was sleep-over night at Nick’s. They quickly tidied up the bedrooms, and got the guest bath usable again. They’d have to tackle that damned tub in his bathroom later. Nick was still trying to figure out how in the hell he was going to get it clean. But for tonight, time was no longer a concern and if things got too overwhelming, they could go to bed, take a rest and try again in the morning.

Ben finally joined them, unable to look at either one, grateful for a drink to stare into. It didn’t stare back.

“So, how did the game go, Ben…you never called?”

“Oh, we won. I pitched like shit. Took me out after the third inning.”

Silence. Only broken by the tinkling of ice cubes in their glasses and occasional shifting in their chairs. Silence and sitting rarely settled well with Solana, so she finally took the plunge into the inevitable conversation.

“Ben, look. You made a really good point in there. Neither Nick nor I believe that him missing one ball game would have made you so angry to do something like this. We know that doesn’t fit with who you have become.”

“So why do I feel like I’m on trial here?”

“Because your fingerprints are still all over it. Tony was in LA with Nick, we won’t mention brother again…”

“…no.” He finally looked up from his drink and into Nick’s eyes. The anger that had been there before had been replaced with sadness. Ben wasn’t sure which was worse. “I’m sorry about that…out of line.”

“It’s okay…over and done with.” Nick shrugged and looked into his drink, hoping Ben may have found a secret to this mess in there. It didn’t appear he had.

“And I surely didn’t do this. I like beer too much to let it spill all over the place.”

The boys had to smile. She was trying and right now, both were grateful. They were pretty talked out at the moment.

“So…that points to only one person who could have eked past all of Nick’s security measures.”

Ben nodded silently and looked up to Miss Romero. He respected her so much and to see the disappointment on her face…it was killing him. “I know, Miss Romero.”

“So, why don’t you tell us what happened after Nick called about the game, huh? Maybe we can all find some answers there.”

He didn’t want to talk about this, but he knew that if he didn’t, there was going to be more trouble than he’d ever imagine. Getting the gumption up to do it, however…

Wanting to help Ben see the intensity of the situation, Nick added one comment. “And Ben, I’m already tired, so let me just cut to the chase here. You don’t talk? I call the cops. I’d rather not for more reasons than you know, but I will. You’d do everyone a favor to start with the truth and never stop, you got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“Okay, so Ben…Nick called, you were upset…then what happened?”

“I went to Steve’s house. He was in a mood too and we called Ron…just screwed around, talked about stupid shit, you know…just blew off steam.”

“You felt better after being with them?”

“No. Not really. I left pissed. They’re always plottin’ stupid shit. Always wanting to get into trouble.”

“And that didn’t interest you?”

“No.” Sitting up, feeling a little more comfortable already, Ben looked at Nick, waiting for him to look up as well. “You remember that talk we had after I’d screwed up your tires?”

“Which one?”

“At the restaurant. Where you said I was looking for all the wrong kinds of attention?”

“Oh. Yeah, I remember…”

“You were right, but you know, that’s Steve and Ron too. I mean, damn…they have great houses, money, two parents…all the stuff that I don’t…stuff that makes me mad enough to do stupid stuff. But yet…” He shook his head, not understanding his two ‘friends’. It just wasn’t fun anymore. Why didn’t they see that?

“…it’s not enough for them, huh?”

“No. Both of their parents work tons of hours and I guess they just want someone to notice them. I don’t get it. I’d die for houses like theirs.”

“The house doesn’t make the person, Ben. It’s what you do with your life…not what’s in it.” At Nick’s words, Solana rested her hand on Nick’s arm and rubbed, amazed at the transformation she’d seen in him in these few short months. Yep. They’d get through this somehow.

“Yeah, I think I’m figuring that out. Anyway…I left pissed and came back home. Only, well…I wasn’t ready for what was there.”

Ben’s concentration went back into his drink as he mustered up the courage to tell them about his encounter with Darren. He had done exactly the right thing, even if his mom still refused to talk about it. It didn’t mean it was something he enjoyed thinking about, and especially talking about. But here he was…with no choice but to do both.

“What happened, hon?”

“Well…we had a visitor.”

And so the tale began, with Nick and Solana silently and supportively listening, and Ben trying to let anger rule his commentary rather than hurt and tears. He didn’t always succeed. Pissed him off. He hated to cry.

“I’m proud of you, Ben…you stood up to him.” Solana was proud. Ben had no idea how much that act would aid in his healing of the whole situation. Sure it sucked to have gone through it, but ultimately it would make him a better man.

“Yeah, I did. He made one last…well, he was a shit when he left, but…it’s all good. I’m okay.”

“Do you think he’ll leave you alone?”

“I thought he already had, but…yeah. I meant what I said. I don’t know how to do it, but I will report him if he comes back. He never got to anyone else in my family and I’m not going to give him the chance.”

“We’ll help any way we can…hopefully we won’t have to.”

“Yep…he has no interest in Amy anyway. Why the hell would it have taken him this long to come back? Asshole.”

“No kidding.” Nick couldn’t believe it. And he also was beginning to see what could have led to the mess that was in his house…still inexcusable, but he wasn’t as angry as he’d been before. He had no idea how this kid walked around with this kind of weight on his shoulders. It was obscene.

“Okay, so he left…what’d your mom have to say?”

“Well, that’s where it gets fun.”

Solana already knew. She’d seen it time and time again. Nick, however, had no idea what was coming. Nothing could prepare him for the truth.

“Oh?”

“Yeah…she doesn’t believe me. Says I’m just being a pervert. Kicked me out of the house for the evening and she has yet to talk to me about it. It’s like that night never happened.”

“What the hell!? What kid makes up shit lik-“ Solana squeezed Nick’s arm and shot him a look. As much as she understood, his anger wasn’t going to help anything. Ben would still, as odd as it seemed, have loyalty to his mom. Reading her face, he settled back in his chair, silencing himself, but still fuming. He wanted to go ream that woman a new asshole. Now.

“And you haven’t met with Mrs. McKenna since?”

“No. That’s tomorrow.”

“You know it’s important you tell her about everything?”

“Yeah, I know. Everything.” Dammit. When was this all going to go the hell away?

“Okay, so Mom didn’t buy it…anything else?”

“Well, yeah…I called Steve. Went to his house.”

“And?”

“And…” Ben sighed. Here it was. No turning back now. He looked up to Nick for what he feared would be his last time ever. “We picked up Ron on our bikes and went for a ride.”

One more gulp and he could get it out. “…over here.”

“How long did it take you, Ben? A few hours? A few minutes? You know how long it’s gonna take me to clean up your little conniption fit?”

“I TOLD you I did not DO this, Nick! Just let me finish, man!”

Nick’s anger was back. What the hell had this kid been thinking? Yeah, the shit with Darren was more than he could comprehend, this disbelief of his mother only making it worse, but still…nothing justified this. Nothing at all. He sat back again, looking to Solana for strength, trying to remember how to breathe more calmly.

“So you all rode over here…you got ‘em past security…”

“Yeah, the guy barely stopped us, but I remembered the password and…well, I lied. Told him you were expecting us…”

Nick’s glare said it all. Ben wanted to die.

“…and yeah, so I got us all in.”

“Did you come for the sole purpose of destroying my house?”

“Um, yeah. That was Steve’s brilliant idea. And I’d tried to talk him out of it, even after you called. But then, after Darren…and my mom…and…I just felt like…shit, man. I can’t explain it.”

“Later…we’ll get to why later. Just keep going, Ben.” Solana was suddenly wondering why she hadn’t gone into nursing like she’d originally planned. Emotional attachment was less likely. This just sucked.

“So we got in and they just went to town. All I could do was stand there and stare at them. I couldn’t believe they could do it…and I knew I couldn’t touch a thing.” Ben stood up, feeling trapped and pinned in his chair. “I’m sorry…” He walked around to the opposite side of the pool and stood facing the gulf water, wondering how long it’d take to swim to St. Petersburg.

Nick and Solana watched him go, not saying anything. It was obvious the whole thing was breaking the kid up. Didn’t mean there wasn’t going to be a penance to pay, but it did ease the anger and feelings of betrayal Nick had been dealing with.

It was obvious Ben was crying, but his body language of walking away told them he didn’t want to be messed with, so they stayed seated. Until…

…he blew. Tears ran down his face as he finally cried out all he’d had penned up inside since the night it happened.

“I RAN OKAY!? I fucking RAN…I couldn’t…Nick, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t do this to you. You’ve been so…I just…god DAMMIT!” He turned away again, shoulders wracked with tears and agony. How could these guys he called friends do this to someone who meant so much to him? Why didn’t they care? Why didn’t HE care enough to have tried to stop them?

Nick couldn’t stay seated any longer and quietly got up, easing Solana’s concern with a look and a smile. It was obvious the situation wasn’t how he was going to clean up his home, but how he was going to clean up Ben’s heart.

As soon as Ben felt Nick’s presence, he turned and threw himself in the older man’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. “I’m so sorry, Nick. I was too chicken to even try to get them to stop. I found the front door and walked out. Just let ‘em go. I should have tried to stop them.”

“You did fine, Ben. You did just fine.” The two boys stood holding each other, rocking back and forth, Nick trying to soothe the younger with words and touch. Just the way he used to with his brother when the shit would hit the fan at home. Age, gender, none of it factored in when someone was hurting and Nick knew it. “You took care of yourself. It’s okay.” And somehow, it was.

“But I let them in, Nick…I let them…what was I thinking!?”

“You were angry at everybody and I started it. Might as well lash out at the cause, huh?”

“Stupid…I can’t believe all the shit they did in here.”

“Well, yeah. It’s a mess. And you know what?”

Ben pulled back, suddenly not caring that his nose was snotty and his eyes were puffy and that he had been doing the worst thing possible…crying. “What?”

“They’re going to help you clean it all up.”

“Your shampoo smells yummy.”

Solana came back into the living room and plopped down next to Nick as he tried to match CD’s up with their cases, tossing broken ones in the trash and replacing them with some extras he had in his office. “Huh? My shampoo?”

“Ben’s hair…coconutty. He’s asleep already.”

“Ah…I just buy the cheap stuff. You think he’s okay?” Tossing another couple of broken CD’s into the trash, he whined. He deserved to. “God dammit, they cracked a ton of CD’s. Little shits.”

“I’m sorry…this just sucks.”

“Yeah, it does…so, do you think Ben’s okay?” As bad as the material loss was, he was still more concerned with Ben. Things can be replaced. People can’t.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine. He wants me to go to see Mrs. McKenna with him tomorrow.”

“You goin’?”

“I think so…we need to arrange for Patty to go too. She could use some counseling herself.” Looking down at her clothes, she sighed. “Can I borrow a shirt or something to sleep in?”

“Yeah, sure…you know, um…you don’t have to stay. I think we’ll be okay.”

“It’s up to you. I just don’t have a car here, remember?”

“Oh yeah…crap. Well…do you mind?”

“Nope. I said I would and truth is, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a few nightmares tonight. I’ll stay. I just need to get out of these clothes.”

She was lucky he was so tired. So was he. Not fair. But, truth was, this was completely a call on friendship and nothing else…nothing else had crossed their minds.

“Okay, let’s go dig through my crap and see what we can find. I’ve got enough t-shirts to dress an army anyway.”

As Nick flipped the light on in his room, he heaved an exhausted sigh. Yeah, his bed was somewhat normal again and his curtains were just a pile by the window rather than strewn all over, but…it just felt…wrong. Messed with. He didn’t like it. He’d put the drawers back in their dressers, but god only knew what was really in them…had to go through that mess too. Opening one up, he hit a jackpot and found an old shirt. “Here…this should be good. It’s huge on me even.”

“K…and uh…something for tomorrow? I can just wear the same shorts.”

“Oh, yeah…you gonna have time to get home before you see Mrs. McKenna?”

“Nope. We need to get Ben to Steve and Ron’s in the morning, don’t you think?”

He silently nodded, too tired to talk, too tired to care, too…tired. Pulling out another, nicer t-shirt, he tossed it to her, smiling weakly at her attempts at keeping the mood light. He appreciated it, but didn’t have the energy.

“Nick, it’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m just…blah.”

“Makes sense. So, besides cleaning it up, how are you going to make Ben pay? There’s a lot of damage here.”

“I’m still deciding on that. I mean, trimming bushes worked, but this is huge compared.” He plopped down on the edge of his bed looking much like a boy who’d lost the little league championship. Totally defeated.

“Sure is. What about Steve and Ron?”

“Fuck ‘em. I really don’t want them back here. I mean, I know they need to clean this shit up. They can do my tub and the living room, kitchen…maybe the other bedrooms. They’re not going near my office and studio again.” He threw himself backwards on the bed and sighed. “My stomach hurts every time I think about it.”

“I’m so sorry, Nick. This isn’t fair.” She walked in and sat down on the bed next to him, wanting nothing more than to fold him in her arms and make it go away. Betrayal sucked.

“Nope, but no one said life was fair. At least…shit, I’m angry as hell at Ben, but…somehow it makes a little sense anyway.”

“Yeah, for him. Those other two though. They need intervention, but I don’t know how to get it to them. Seems like they need a mentor too.”

“Oh let me…we’d be the perfect match.” He hiked himself up on one elbow and started playing with the weave of his blanket. “You know, I love Ben…all of his family, but Steve or Ron? They’re just punks. No excuse.”

“Ben didn’t have one either, Nick. Not a good one.”

“No, but…” He looked up to her hoping she’d understand. “He stopped himself. Just like me. I guess I’d hope someone cut me some slack when I stop myself before I do something totally stupid. Look at my heart first instead, you know?”

She had to smile at him. At his heart. It was a good heart. “You really do love him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do…he’s a good kid, Lani. In spite of his whacked out mother.”

“You’ve done good, Nick…”

“Pppfffttt. I’m not so sure.”

“I’m not going sit here and argue with you.” Leaning in to kiss his forehead, she stood and walked to the door. Too much temptation was swimming around here. “Hopefully we’ll work his ass off cleaning this up, paying you back, that he’ll find another way to express his anger. Appreciate things more or something.”

“It’d help if he had something of his own to appreciate. Something to be passionate about. Like baseball.”

She tossed the t-shirts over her shoulder and looked back, “Maybe that’s our answer. Make him take ownership of something.”

Solana woke to the suns rays shining in her room, momentarily forgetting where she was. And then chuckling at the irony of it. Months ago she’d hated Nick, at the same time was sickeningly attracted to him. Now, they’d shared words of mutual admiration and attraction and where did she spend her first night at his home? Same place he did at hers the night before. Alone in the guest room down the hall. Life was queer sometimes.

She was a bit surprised she hadn’t heard from Ben all night, figuring he’d be milling about at least. Hopefully, he slept as well as she had…hopefully Nick had too. He looked like hell by the time they’d turned in. She had a nice stack of CD’s to add to her collection though…Nick saw how many he had that he’d never listen to and let her take whatever she wanted. Who’d argue with that!? But after they’d cleaned up his entire collection, he was beat. Emotionally drained. A good night’s sleep had to help.

She made her way across the hall to Ben’s room and peeked in, surprised, if not a big panicked when she didn’t see him there. He wouldn’t have bolted, would he? A bike ride over here was hard enough to believe, but disappearing on foot? After midnight? No…

Into the living room, kitchen, office, studio, and finally deck…no Ben. Where the hell?

Finally, she poured a cup of coffee, grateful the punks hadn’t messed with that form of sustenance and that she’d remembered to have Nick set it before bed. Knowing it was too early, she headed back to Nick’s room anyway. This was just not good. Although, the coffee was.

She gently knocked on his door in case he was awake and indecent. Hearing nothing, she peeked in…and smiled.

Mystery solved.

Back to back, butt to butt, the two boys laid in total mirror images of one another. If she only knew where Nick’s camera was. They even had their hands curled under their faces identically. Sick, just sick.

She tried to sneak back out, but Nick stirred and saw her out of the corner of his eye. “Lani?”

“Yeah…go back to sleep. I just lost Ben.”

“Ah, yeah…” He sat up anyway, running his hand forward through his hair. “He showed up sometime…sweatin’ and cryin’.”

“Aw, I was afraid of that. Why didn’t you come get me?”

“He seemed to want me.” Looking down at the sleeping blonde, Nick had to smile too. Putz. “He fell back to sleep pretty quick.”

“I’m glad.” Taking a sip of the coffee, she remembered she had originally poured it for him. Oops. “Oh yeah, your coffee’s good…full pot out there.”

“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute. When do you wanna go?”

Squinting to read his clock, she debated on ‘now’…waking up the brats might be kind of fun. “Couple hours I guess. No rush.”

He watched as she walked out the door and fell back on his pillow. Dammit. His t-shirt had never looked so good.

“Well aren’t you the little Mom and Dad this morning?”

Nick lowered the newspaper and looked over at “Mom” chuckling…they probably did look like an old boring married couple. Bed head, grungy night clothes, groggy eyes, coffee steaming and the newspaper strewn all over.

“Well, Pa…I think I’m gonna go hop in the shower.” She winked seductively. “Wanna join me?”

“MA! Not in front of the youngun now…” He bopped her on the head with his paper and then her butt as she got up. “We’ll do that once he’s in school again.”

“I gotta wait ‘til then!?”

“Yeah and after you brush…anchovy breath!”

“You got something for me to brush with, Pa?”

“Under the sink…extras.”

Solana stuck out her tongue at the boys as they watched her leave, having their own set of thoughts on the woman. Totally different thoughts, of course, but both bringing smiles to their faces.

“I’m hungry.” Ben stepped over a pile of broken plates into the kitchen, making sure his effort was noticed with a loud groan. They weren’t going to make this easy on him, were they? “You got any cereal in….” As Ben opened the cabinet where the cereal was normally stored, he got his answer. All over the counter and floor. A waterfall of cornflakes, Fruit Loops and Rice Krispies. How in the world…?”

“What the hell!?” Nick stood up and watched as the last flakes of cereal dripped out and looked up to Ben who could do nothing but stand frozen in position, hands up, feet spread and jaw dropped. If it wasn’t so irritating, it’d be damned funny. And the truth was, it was damned funny. “I wondered why that was the only cabinet still closed.”

“Now you know, genius.” But, he too had to smile, giggle and finally bend over laughing. There was nothing else to do.

Solana had just started brushing her teeth when she heard the commotion, and still brushing, went back in to investigate. She found her two boys holding each other up laughing, making valiant, yet futile attempts to put the mess in the trash. Between the laughter, the general slipperiness of the cereal and the huge quantity of it, it was not working.

“What the hell happened?”

“I have no idea how they did this, but every damned box of cereal I’ve ever owned was dumped into my cabinet. Did I always have this much shit?”

“No, I just thought you were full of shit.”

And at that, all the tension from the last day was released. Nick took the double handful of cereal a bit tighter in his hands, smiled sweetly at his little man and tossed. Toss returned. And as Solana shook her head and went back into the bathroom to shower, she listened and giggled at the full fledged cereal fight. At this rate, it was going to take them the next 6 months to clean the kitchen. To hell with the rest of the house.

Finally tiring out in a fit of giggles, crumbs, sugar and loops, they slowed and stopped, sitting back on the floor, giggling again as their butts crunched into the tile.

“Oh God…this is bad.”

Nick tossed one final flake at Ben’s head and stood up, grimacing as his bare feet crunched beneath him. “Yep…you guys are gonna have a helluva time figuring out how to clean up this mess.”

With a wink and a smile, he brushed himself off, picked up his newspaper and disappeared down the hall hoping to find some clothes among the piles left all over his bedroom floor.

Ben watched him leave, hoping for another wink to indicate he was somewhat kidding, and when it didn’t come, he slammed his hand into the pile of broken flakes to his side, smashing and spreading them further. “God DAMMIT! How could I be so STUPID!”

“You didn’t change your password yet, goof.”

“Yeah, I know. Come on in. Haven’t you worked long enough today?”

The meetings with Steve and Ron’s parents had been interesting at best and Patty was shockingly compliant to Solana’s suggestion of family counseling. At least for mother and son. But, Lani and Nick hadn’t had a chance to talk about it or decide the specifics of what was going to happen. So, while she was still going, Solana decided to stop by Nick’s to hash it all out. This time, no over night, no cute t-shirts and no morning after. Dammit.

“Yeah, it’s been a long one…I just can’t deal with this ‘til after work tomorrow. Too much other shit to do.”

“I’m sorry…we can wait ‘til things slow down.”

“They won’t until…next summer. I’m on full force with school starting soon.”

“Ah yeah. Want a beer?”

“Yes! You bought more?”

“Yeah, went out while you were with Mrs. McKenna. I kinda needed cereal.”

Hearing his feet crunch as he entered the kitchen, she had to giggle. He was going to be stubborn enough and only clean up what was absolutely necessary, making the boys do the rest. Not a bad plan, although she’d go crazy living in such a mess.

“Lime?” Nick jumped as she came up behind him, peeking over his shoulder as he pulled out the bottles. “Sorry…you have lime for these?”

“Yeah, bottom drawer…don’t do that to me, woman. Knives are…were…hell, I think they’re still in the drawer by the sink.”

“Yeah, I put ‘em back this morning.” She sliced the lime, shoving a piece in both bottles of Corona and winked as they clinked necks before taking a drink. “Ah…I needed that all day.”

“Me too…I don’t want another day like this for a long time.”

“No. Although nothing surprised me.” Looking out to the deck and realizing it was the only place that looked normal, she caught his eye and he followed. Yes. Outside. Fresh air and the calming effects of the water. Perfect.

Settling into their seats at the table, she nudged his arm. “You okay?”

“Tired…not looking forward to spending my day with those little shits tomorrow. If Steve keeps that attitude he had today, I’m not sure how responsible I’m gonna be.”

“You’ll be fine. Say the word ‘cop’ to him and he’ll shut up. He knows his dad would kill him.”

“If he’d come home from wherever the hell he is.”

“Yeah…well…that’s Steve’s life. His normal. We all adapt I guess.”

“I’d say Steve hasn’t adapted if he’s trashing schools and people’s homes.”

“Quite true. So, did you go through and figure out how much damage there is…money-wise?”

“Yeah. I’m totally guessing, but it’s not good. I’d say about $10,000.”

“Jesus. There’s something to be said for vandalizing in a cheaper neighborhood.”

“Probably not as fun though. My drum set’s the worst. That’s probably half of it. I can get away with replacing parts for cheaper, but…I’m picky. It’ll never be right.”

“You replace it however you feel the need, but Nick…they’ll never be able to pay you back. If you don’t go through insurance, this is totally out of your pocket.”

“Yeah, I know…I had an idea for Ben. It’ll never amount to ten grand, but…it’ll get him working and I can save money in another place.”

“What’s that?”

“He can keep my yard up. My dude’s been pissin’ me off anyway, showing up at like 6 am, doing a half assed job. I’m just too lazy to can him cuz I don’t wanna look for someone else.”

“Hmm…that’s a thought. You think he can handle the job?”

“Most of it, yeah. Plants have been here for a few years, so he won’t have to do actual landscaping…just keep the weeds under control…trim, edge, mow. I was doing it at his age…when I was home.”

“And it is a year round thing…”

“Yep, pretty much. I think my guy takes one month off in December or January. I won’t make him do it for a year though…just…long enough.”

“I think that’ll work. And I had an idea with Steve and Ron, but I wanted to pass it by you first.”

“Hit me.”

She punched him in the arm and leaned her head on it when all she got was a weak smile. He still seemed so defeated, deflated…downright dejected. “It’s gonna work out, Nick.”

“I know. It always does. Everything was coasting along just fine though…this was one part of my life I could count on, you know?”

“Yep. And I still think you can count on this. It’s just going to be different for a bit.”

“Mmm…so what about Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber?” He kissed the top of her head, glad for her friendship, her presence, her peace. Inside he was a jumbled mess. She balanced him out and he couldn’t be more grateful.

“We need help at the center. The school hasn’t really recognized them as in need of our services, b/c they tend to look at financial status rather than behavior.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Yes, but…that’s how it goes. So, they have to work at the center a few days a week. I’m trying to get this back-to-school shopping thing going for the kids and we need tons of hands for that. I can always use readers for the young ones, just…almost a mentorship from kid to kid you know?”

“How can we hold them accountable for it? What if they just don’t show?”

“C-O-P-S. Ben will back us, not them…I’m convinced after his session today. Six months. 2-3 times a week. Good attitudes, the whole nine. Doesn’t help you financially, but makes them responsible. Then, if I continue to see problems, I can intervene without the school.”

“If you want that headache…seems like more work for you and Barry.”

“Eh, we’re tough. We’ve talked about getting other kids from the community to come help anyway. I think this might be a good place to start.”

“Maybe seeing things from the other side will do them some good.”

“Did you good.”

Nick polished off his beer and leaned back, rubbing Solana’s back with one hand and holding the bottle up to blow air across it, making a deep, hollow pitch. Such talent. “Yeah, it did. The little twits.”

Solana blew across her bottle top, laughing as their pitches matched in perfect harmony. “Now I can’t drink anymore or we’ll clash.”

“Empty it, we’ll be unison.”

So she did and they both took a breath…

…and made beautiful music together.

“Dinner break!” Solana stumbled into Nick’s house, bags tumbling from her arms as she tried to carry in groceries and an enormous vacuum cleaner.

“Lani! Jesus, woman. You could have asked for help!” Nick hopped off of the stool, leaving Steve to hold the curtain rod up by himself.

“Hey! Man, I can’t hang on to this.”

“Keep your pants on…I’ll be back.” Turning to Lani and taking the bags from her hands, he whispered, “Believe in miracles. I haven’t killed him.”

“Glad to hear it. Make him stand there for another minute.”

Smirking, he headed into the kitchen with the mystery groceries. “What’s the vacuum for? I’ve got one.”

“It’s one we use at the center…could suck up a whole boy band. Thought you could use it for the tub and kitchen.”

“Ah…good plan. They swept up a lot of it, but our feet are still crunching.”

“Nick, god! Get over here and screw this thing in!”

“You know, Steve. I really don’t think you’re in a position to be ordering me around. I’m helping Miss Romero. Sit tight.”

“You’re taking great pleasure in this, aren’t you?” Solana started emptying out the bags and stopped. “Give me that vacuum. I can’t stand this floor anymore.

“Oh wait. Let me get Ron. He’ll be happy to do it.” Almost gleefully, Nick jogged down the hall finding Ron sitting in a pile of t-shirts folding and stuffing them in drawers. Nick’s house would end up neater than it had been in years.

“Miss Romero needs you to vacuum the kitchen.”

“I’m busy.”

“Now. Where’s Ben?”

“Bathroom…folding towels.” Ron reluctantly got up and disappeared into the hall, mumbling something about bossiness and sons of bitches. All Nick could do was shake his head. Attitude. They needed to be brought down about 10 notches. He’d accomplished maybe one all day. Two if he was lucky.

“Hey. How’s it goin’?”

“You have too fucking many towels. Who needs this many?”

“Me. Miss Romero’s here with dinner. Why don’t you help her out, huh?”

“Is Steve still in there?”

“Yeah…I’ve got him hanging on a curtain rod.”

“By his neck, I hope?”

“Not yet…I should though, huh?”

“Mmm. I can’t believe what a dick he’s being. To think I used to act that way.”

Nick had to chuckle. Ben…actually self-righteous. Whodathunk it? “Yep, you did. And you still do sometimes, so don’t go gettin’ all cocky.”

“Shaddup. Here. You do the last few and I’ll go help her. Just don’t make me even look at Steve.”

“You’re fine…just ignore him. You’ve got to eat quick anyway…ball game.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m gonna pitch like shit. I’m dead.”

Nick shrugged and took the towel from Ben and thwapping him on the behind with it. “Shoulda thought of that before you let them in here. Now, go help Miss Romero.”

As he folded the last towel and stuck it in the closet, Nick turned to the rest of his bathroom and heaved a sigh. This clean up was fine…they were whining, but they were doing it. But he had so much that needed flat out replacement. Mirrors, glass for pictures, cups and dishes, the comforter in Jack’s room was ripped, and of course, his drum kit. He didn’t want to deal with it. He just wanted to blink his eyes and have it done. Dammit, dammit, dammit.

“NICK! GOD DAMMIT! I’m still hanging here!”

Oops. Okay, maybe this all wasn’t so bad after all. Paybacks were a bitch.

Solana served up a fabulous meal, cleaning up a lot of the kitchen as she went. It had to have been the most uncomfortable dinner any of them had eaten, silence only broken by the clanking of utensils on plates and glasses being lowered back to the table after a drink. That and the occasional snicker between Ben, Solana and Nick. Steve and Ron’s distaste for the setting was too fun.

And now, time for dessert. Nick cleaned up the plates and let Solana serve…

…their sentences for their games played in Nick’s home.

“So, I talked to all three of your mothers today and we’ve come up with a way for you to indirectly pay Nick back for all the damage you did here.”

“What if we don’t agree to it?”

“I call the cops, Steve. I’m trying to keep your record clean and avoid the press, but I have no problems changing my mind.” Nick brought in new drinks for he and Solana and sat down, loudly sighing in satisfaction at the refreshment of the drink…just to be obnoxious.

“Hey…I’m still thirsty.” Ron had less fight in him than Steve but much more whine. Both were a nuisance.

“Sorry. We talk, you shower and get ready for your game. You’re done with dinner.”

“Real quick…Nick are you gonna come to this one?” Ben was a bit more nervous for this game. They were already secured a slot in tournaments, but he wanted to pitch well…and for Nick to see it.

“I might drop in, Ben, but I have to get my office cleaned up.”

Ben looked down and picked at his fingers. Damn, he’d really blown it. “Oh. Yeah…I understand.”

“So, how do you expect us to pay you back, hotshot?”

Solana took over. No wonder Nick wanted to kill him. What a putz. “First, you’ll change your attitude. You can gripe and moan and complain at home, but while you’re here you will treat Nick and me with the respect you would any other adult.”

“So, I have to smile and dance while I’m hanging curtains?”

“If that’s what I tell you to do while you’re in my home, yes. You’ll sew new ones if I tell you to.”

For some reason, either Nick’s words or the deep glare finally smacked Steve between the eyes. He had no retort.

Solana continued, spelling out the details of work at the center and Ben’s work at Nick’s home keeping up his yard and possibly his pool. Both assignments would be treated as jobs where they’d have to call in if they were sick or had an emergency. If they chose to participate in sports, the work schedule would have to be worked in accordingly. If it wasn’t, sports would be removed. School first, job second, recreation third.

“My mom actually agreed to this bullshit!? How am I supposed to get to the center…or home?”

“During school, a bus comes to the center every day. Grab it. Getting home is your responsibility…and your parents. And they agreed to it, yes.”

“This is some shit, man.”

“No, Steve,” pointing to the mess still lingering in his living room and kitchen, Nick reminded him. “THIS is some shit. Your shit. You messed with the wrong guy, dude.”

“Aren’t you hot-“

“Steve, shut the fuck up, man! God…you know, you’d be much happier if you’d just CUT the attitude.” Ben stood up, slamming his chair into the table. “I know you don’t give a damn, but we’ve hurt someone who has been nothing but kind to me and my family. No one outside of Miss Romero has ever cared about me like he does…and I’m supposed to be your friend. But you sit here, mouthin’ off, screwin’ around, treating him like shit. You make me sick.”

And he was out. Storming down the hall and into the guest bath, turning on the shower water faster than anyone could breathe. No one said anything, no one moved. Ben had pretty much summed it all up, and the younger boys knew it.

Sick of looking at these two delinquents, Solana closed the conversation. “You two will start at the center on Monday. You should be done here by then. You’re responsible for your transportation and start time is 9 am on non-school days.”

“Miss Romero?” Ron finally looked up from his point of concentration at the edge of the table.

“Yes, Ron.”

“I’m…Nick…I’m…I’m really sorry. I didn’t think it’d get this out of hand…I just…followed, you know? I’m really sorry.”

“We appreciate that. It’ll make this all go a lot more smoothly. Thank you, Ron.”

Steve snorted and got up, disappearing down the hall and banging on the bathroom door to hurry Ben up. “Come on, man…I gotta shower too.”

“Alright guys. Play good. I’ll be back in a bit.”

Steve and Ron quickly hopped out of the truck, grabbing their bags and taking off to their respective fields for warm up. Ben, however, never moved.

“You goin’?”

“I gotta ask you a question first.”

“Shoot.”

Ben kept his gaze down, fiddling with the strap to his bag and shaking his leg nervously. He wanted to cry again. He wanted to throw up. He wanted everything back to normal. As screwed up as ‘normal’ was.

Before he could fight it off, a tear trickled down his freckled cheek and he looked up to Nick, hoping he didn’t have to ask what was on his mind. Unfortunately, Nick failed mind reading in school. “Ben…what’s up, man?”

“I just wanted to know…I mean…” Looking down again, his sobs returned in full force, angering him, embarrassing him and in a strange way, relieving him.

“Hang on…don’t move.” Nick got out of the truck and opened Ben’s door, wordlessly folding the boy in his arms. “Come on now…it’s gonna work out fine. We’ll get past this.”

“Will we? I mean really? What have I done?”

“You screwed up, Ben. You screwed up big. And you’re going to pay for it.”

“But…you and me. I mean…will we ever get to be just…” He wiped his runny nose on Nick’s shirt without even thinking.

“Hold up…napkins in the glove box, dude. I’m not that damned compassionate.”

Ben had to chuckle as he apologized with his eyes and grabbed a napkin to wipe his nose. “Yuck…they suck.”

“Better than my shirt…now…what were you saying?”

Ben blew his nose and looked back up to Nick, amazed he was still being so nice. “Will it ever be just you and me again, or did I blow that?”

“Of course it will. We’ve gotta put up with Bonnie and Clyde this week, but we’ll be…yeah, why do you ask?”

“I was afraid you’d not want to…that I’d blown it.”

“Ah…nope. We have half the year left anyway.”

“I know, but…you could probably get out of it if you wanted to.”

“I don’t want to, Ben. That’s one reason I didn’t call the cops. I knew I’d lose you.”

Ben nodded and wiped his nose again, still not satisfied. Taking a deep breath, he asked the question whose answer he feared the most. “Do…do you hate me now?”

“What? Ben! God no…” Nick wrapped his arms around Ben, letting the boy melt into a pile of tears yet again. He wondered if this was the first time the kid had actually felt real guilt for his own actions. It was obvious he’d carried some form of guilt around for what happened with Darren those few years ago, but for his own actions? Had he ever really taken responsibility before now? “I’d never hate you, Ben…never.”

“I hate Steve.”

“Hate’s a waste. But I’d stay the hell away from him, dude. Make some new friends.”

Ben pulled away, sniffing and snorting, wiping and blowing. What a great image for a star pitcher. “You sound like Erin now.”

“Erin’s a smart girl.”

“She’s pretty too. And a good kisser.”

“There’s my Ben. Now go pitch the hell outta that game okay? I’ll be back with Miss Romero and your cheerleader.”

“Okay…I’m so sorry, Nick.”

“I know…and it’s okay now. We’ll just change gears a bit, but we’re fine.”

Ben nodded again, still not quite convinced. He wanted to believe Nick, but no one had had this kind of patience with him before. Why should Nick be any different?

Nick stopped him as he slid out of the truck, pulling on his duffle that was strapped on his shoulder. “I mean it, Ben. We’re good. Clean up, pay up and move on, alright?”

Ben finally allowed a smile to cross his face…and his eyes. Nick still believed in him. Amazing.

And if that was the case, then there was no reason for Ben not to believe in himself.

“Okay, Rosalie…time for bed.” Solana put Rosalie down, popping her gently on the behind.

“I’m not sleepy!” She turned from her mother’s loving touch and put her hands on her hips in sheer insolence.

“Yes, you are…come on. Let’s go potty and put a diaper on you…just in case.”

Climbing up on a kitchen chair, the little imp crossed her arms in front of her, setting the stage for a first rate stand off. “No. I’m not sleepy. I wanna play with Nick.”

“Rosalinda…it’s bedtime. We had a late night at the ball diamond, now come on. Don’t make me regret taking you.”

The pout continued as did the stand off. Nick wanted no part of it. He was too tired for two fighting “women”…even if one was under 4 ft. tall. “Maybe I should go. We’re all tired.”

“Hang on. We’re being manipulated.” Turning back to her daughter, Solana knelt to her daughter’s level to try for a compromise. “Would you like Nick to put you to bed?”

She had to think about that. “Yes. Nick tuck me in.”

“There we go…okay, try to potty and I’ll be in to get you ready.”

Rosalie hopped off the chair and ran down the hall to the bathroom, happy with the compromise.

Groaning as her knees popped when she stood, she looked at Nick, finally noticing the exhaustion seeping from his every pore. “I’m sorry, I should have asked first, huh?

“Nah, be glad to…but I’m not doin’ the diaper.”

“Chicken shit.”

“Yes, that’s me…potty training is not my bag.”

“Tell me about it. It’s not mine either. Her babysitter’s pushing it more than I’m ready…I’m too impatient.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“You don’t want to. You end up talking, with all seriousness, about the stupidest things. ‘Listen, Mom! My farts echo in the toilet!’ It’s a miracle I’m not gray already.”

Nick didn’t know whether it was the brute honesty of the conversation or his complete exhaustion, but he couldn’t stop laughing once he’d started. Just the image of Solana sitting on the tub while Rosalie sat perched on the toilet, rating and announcing the sounds of her bodily functions…it was too much.

Poking him in the stomach and giggling at the story herself, Solana tried to pull the stern mother routine. “Yuck it up, laughing boy. Some day you’re going to be teaching a little boy how to pee on cheerios. Or piss against a building.”

“No one needs lessons on how to piss against a building. It’s a natural. You girls got the raw end of the deal with that one.”

“You got that right…now, if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to go wipe someone’s butt…you’re expected in her bedroom in 3 minutes.”

“Yes, ma’am. On my way. I gotta find a building to piss against first.”

Chuckling, she pointed to her bedroom. “My bathroom’s through there.”

“Do I get M&M’s if I go, Mom?”

“No, you get Rosalie smooches instead.”

“Eh, that’ll do I guess.”

“Okay, you ready, girl?” Nick walked in Rosalie’s room to find her with her nightie pulled up and tucked under her chin while she tried to investigate the character on her Pull-Up.

“Who’s on here, Nicky?”

“Um, let’s see.” He squatted down and tickled her tummy as he pulled her in closer. “That looks like Minnie Mouse to me.”

“Okay, I like Minnie.”

“So do I…you ready for bed?”

“Practice Spanish. En Español, por favor.”

“Español? Solamente? Rosalie…”

“Sí. Solamente.” She crawled up in bed, grabbing her stuffed horse and sitting under the blankets, waiting for some words of wisdom from Nick. In Spanish. Only. “Un examen?”

“A test? Oh God…okay.” Nick sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her legs as they talked.

“Bed.”

“Cama.”

She raised her eyebrows, amazed he remembered. They hadn’t practiced in awhile. “Pillow.”

“Almohada.”

“Bueno. Um, blanket.”

“Frazada.”

“Muy bueno!” Lifting up her stuffed horse to Nick’s nose, she asked nothing.

“Caballo. He tickles my nose.” He pushed the horse back, making it tickle her nose too.

“En Español, Nicky. Tickle.”

“Oh, uh. Man, Rosalie. I don’t know that one.” Seeing her glare because he forgot to use Spanish, he quickly tried to remember. His eyes sprung open and his finger raised for an ‘ah-ha’ as his memory kicked in. Thank goodness. “Yo no sé, Rosalie.”

“Cosquilleo.”

“Oooh, that’s a hard one to say. Cosquilleo. Lot’s of ‘y’ sounds.”

“Yep.” Nick lifted the blanket up and patted her legs, tucking the blankets under her chin as she obeyed his wordless direction. When she snuggled into her pillow, she gently kicked Nick’s bottom as she found just the right spot to lay. “Okay, some more. Princess.”

“Rosalinda.”

“Nick…no…Liz is princess.”

“Not you?”

“Well, yeah…but what’s the word? You not playing right.”

“You’re not going to sleep.”

“No. Princess.”

He sighed at her persistence, unable to hide his smile. She was definitely Solana’s child. “Princesa. And before you ask, castle is castillo. Did I pass?”

“Sí. Béseme, Nick.”

He looked down at her flirtatious eyes and smiled from the inside out. Had to be genetic. Mini Lani…made him crazy. And helped him forget all that was hanging over his head at the moment. “That’s kiss, right?”

“Yes…kiss me, Nick.”

Who could resist? He bent over her little body and kissed her cheek, brushing her curls from her face. “Duérmase, Rosalie. Go to sleep.”

When she felt him stand, she snuggled deeper into her bed and sighed. “Te amo, Nicky.”

He stopped at the door at her words. Words he had been feeling a lot lately, but hadn’t had the nerve to say to anyone. Maybe he could do it in Spanish. “Te amo, princesa Rosalie.”

Nick closed the door and was surprised to find Solana right outside waiting for him. “Oh…hey.”

“Was she good?”

“Yeah…testing my Spanish. Uh, ‘te amo’ is ‘I love you’, right?”

“Yep…did she say that to you?”

“Yeah, she did…kinda shocked me.”

“It shouldn’t. You’ve shown her nothing but love. She’d be a fool not to return it.” She handed him a bottle of water and started toward the front door. Exhausted. Frustrated. It defined them both. Might as well wallow in it together. “Come sit with me outside. I feel like hell.”

Once settled on the porch, she kicked off her shoes and hiked her feet up on the rail, heaving an exhausted sigh.

“You okay?”

“Eh, we’ve both had crappy days.”

“You just seem so tired. I’m not used to it in you.”

“I am. Trying to get that back-to-school shopping underway, and it’s not going well.”

“What is that anyway?”

“Well, we offer back-to-school shopping days for our kids with donated clothes from local churches and stuff. It’s mildly successful. But I’ve been trying to add school supplies to it. You’d think I was asking for the moon.”

“That’s a pretty cool idea. What’s holding it up?”

“Money.”

“You’re kidding. Where have you tried?” Immediately, Nick’s mind started ticking away at possibilities. This couldn’t be that complicated.

“Office supply places, catalogs and stores…see if they’ll donate. They won’t. Not enough anyway. Barry has a few corporate connections we’ve tried. Nothing. So, now I’m hitting the state, but I’m too late. We’re running out of time and I’m just frustrated.”

“How many kids use this?”

“For the clothes…maybe a hundred. I’d guess the supplies would be about the same. The school’s can’t afford to provide for them…not this district anyway, so we try to step in.”

“Yeah, it’s a poor one overall.” He looked across the street, weighing options in his head. Was his savior complex coming back? Probably, but hell…if he could help, why shouldn’t he? “How can I help?”

She looked to him, wanting to immediately say ‘no’, but when she saw the sincere look in his eye, she had to stop herself…with caution. “Nick, you have enough money stuff right now…”

“Look, if I put up half, there’s no reason some of these local businesses can’t match it.”

“You think they will?”

“Can’t hurt to try and they do that a lot. It’s a tax deduction, advertising and they don’t have to give quite as much.”

“Hmm…sounds promising…”

“I’ve got a few business connections too…see if I can cash in a few favors.”

Brightening up a bit at the prospect of this actually working, she remembered one more glitch in their plan. “You know what else we need? Advertising. We have no money for it.”

“Ben.”

“Ben?”

“Yep…have you seen that kid’s art work?”

“Not lately, no…he used to be good.”

“He’s incredible. Not just good at drawing, but at designing a page, you know…making it all interesting. He could make posters…we’ll get ‘em printed up and Bonnie and Clyde can help hang ‘em everywhere.”

She chuckled, imagining Steve and Ron toting guns, running from the law. “Which one’s Bonnie?”

“Steve…just because.”

“Aw, that’s mean.”

Nick looked at her like she had to be kidding. Mean? Where had she been the past few days? “Uh, you know, I’m out of polite with him. And I don’t say it to his face. Yet.”

“I guess he does deserve whatever you decide to dish out.” She took a huge drink of water, thinking it through, amazed he was so quick to pitch in. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Yeah…a few phone calls…I’ll just send ‘em to you if that’s okay.”

“Sure…absolutely.” She looked at him again and then focused her attention on her empty bottle swirling in circles as it dangled from her fingers. “You know I didn’t mention this to get your help, don’t you?”

“Yep. And Lani, you could have asked anyway.”

“No. I can’t take advantage of you like that.”

“That’s not taking advantage. It’s using your resources.”

“No, a resource is a thing. I don’t use people.”

“Lani, look. You’re not using me. I offered anyway. Just…take it, huh?”

She sat back and ran it all through her mind. This was always the hardest part of her work…raising monies on her own. It’d be so much easier if the state would provide enough money for what they needed. But they didn’t. Maybe he was right. Take advantage of the options out there. Truth of it was…he was an option. “I appreciate it, Nick.”

“No problem, and hey. Maybe after you have a successful program this year, the state will see it and help out next year.”

“That’s what usually happens. Just can never get something off the ground for them to check out, first.”

“Well, this time, you will. We’ll get you hooked up.”

“And who knows…maybe we’ll end up serving more kids than we have before now.”

“Yeah, and if Ben helps, this might just be that thing we were talking about.” He got up, needing to head home, wanting to stay. It was always conflict when he was with Solana. Right and wrong. Desire and respect. Peace and tension. But knowing he had to deal with the boys again tomorrow, and the next day…even the next, was enough to make him just want to go home and crawl in bed.

She stood with him and looked at him questioningly, not remembering, feeling too tired to try on her own. “I’m sorry…what were we talking about?”

He chuckled at her exhaustion. This whole thing had drained them both and she had to deal with her regular job on top of it. A good long vacation was in order, but sadly, far, far from possibility. “Something for him to be passionate about…to take ownership of.”

“Oh yeah, passion’s good.” She sleepily grabbed his water bottle and started in the house, totally unaware of her words and of his reaction to them. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow…I’m goin’ to bed.”

Nick shook his head at her exhaustion and smiled. He couldn’t believe how important she’d become to him in such a short time. He couldn’t be more grateful either. “Goodnight, Lani.”

“’Night, Nick…mañana.”

Mañana. How many mañanas, how many tomorrows would they have to wait? He was willing to wait…good things come to those who wait, don’t they? He just didn’t have to like it. But, to show his gratitude, he would. Somehow.

“Pencils. Grab a few boxes there.” Nick stopped the shopping cart in front of the vast assortment of writing tools, amazed that you can have so many choices to take notes on the Civil War. Maybe he didn’t miss much in school. Yuck.

“What about Bic’s and stuff?”

“Um,” Nick scanned the list Solana had sent with them and nodded. “Yep. Pens. Markers. Crayons. Scissors…god I forgot how much shit you need for school.”

“And you use most of it like once.” Ben grabbed a few boxes of ink pens and leaned in to see the list. “Markers are over here, I think.”

“Okay. Oh, speaking of using once…watercolors. God, I hated those things.”

“I was always borrowing my teacher’s and every color was brown.”

“By the end of the year, everyone’s was. With that ugly green puddle in the middle of each one.”

“YES! Give me pen and paper…or chalks. I love using chalks.”

“Yup. Speaking of which, do you have any ideas for posters for this? We need to get stuff copied and out by…what’d she say?”

“Two days. Yeah, I’ve got something sketched, but I need poster board or something to get it down better…see if it’ll work. Maybe markers too?”

“We’ll get whatever you need here. I can’t wait to see it.”

“It’s not much…mostly words. People need the information, not a cute picture.”

“Yep…okay,” Nick tossed a box of watercolors into the cart and checked the list one more time. “I think we’ve got it all here.”

They picked up the supplies Ben needed for the poster and made their way to check out, joking and giggling with one another, feeling more and more like the Ben and Nick they’d been before the disaster at his house. Nick’s place was pretty much cleaned up, minus some of the repairs that were needed. No more dealing with Steve and Ron. It was a relief. They felt normal again. As normal as things could be anyway.

As they approached Nick’s truck, the giggling stopped as Nick noticed a group of young girls approaching. He pushed Ben to the side of the truck telling him to get in. He didn’t mind the attention himself, but on Ben? No. It wasn’t going to happen.

Smiling up at the girls and quickly unloading the bags into the truck, he hoped they’d not stop. He hoped wrong.

“Uh, Nick….” One girl had a small notepad and a pen, giddy, nervous and just…he wasn’t in the mood.

“Not right now, ladies.”

“Aw….please?”

“I’m sorry. No, this is my private time. Have a good day!” He quickly got in the truck and looked over to Ben, whose demeanor had changed since they left the store. Walled up. Upset. Dammit.

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

“No…it’s not your fault. How do you put up with that?”

“It’s my job. They were pretty harmless.”

“Yeah, but they interrupted OUR time!”

“I know…that’s why I sent them off. Ben…sometimes I can’t avoid it. It’s just…it’s my life.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I don’t always either, bud.”

Nick thwapped Ben’s ball cap bill, sending it flying off of his head and onto the dash. “Hey, man! I got hat head!”

Looking over to his charge as he shifted the truck in reverse, Nick chuckled. “Yeah, you do. Cover that mop, would you?”

Before returning the cap to his head, Ben smacked Nick in the arm with it. “I’m serious…why do people have to bug you?”

“Ben, I dunno. I don’t get it. Never have. But they do. It’s just something I’ve gotten used to.”

“I just don’t like…” He stopped, not sure how weird his words would sound, but not really having any better ones in mind. “I don’t like to share you.”

Nick had to smile at that. Ben had made that pretty clear from the first few times they were together, but he thought it had gotten better. At least with his siblings. It was a point of immaturity in Ben, but at the same time, it was endearing. “So, if I had an ordinary 9-5 job and work called while we were eating dinner…what would you think about that?”

“I probably wouldn’t like it, either. I mean, work is work and home is home.”

“Not always. Sometimes those lines are blurry…even if you’re an accountant or a garbage man.”

“Uh, I think if I was a garbage man, I’d leave my work at work.”

“Okay, smart ass. Bad example. I’m just saying…if you had a da-.” Nick stopped himself. They’d never really talked about the absence of a father in Ben’s life and Nick surely was no surrogate one. He could barely be responsible for himself it seemed.

“Yeah, but I don’t. You’re the closest thing…and I don’t wanna share.”

“When I’m with you, Ben. You don’t have to, okay? But, you have to understand I have a life separate from you. Just like you do with me.”

Ben nodded and turned his attention out his window. He knew that. He really did. But, it scared him. He was afraid to go back to school. He was afraid of the influences and temptations that awaited him there. He wanted Nick around all the time…to help him be good. Help him be the best “Ben” he could be. But…it wasn’t going to happen. He had to go it alone.

And it scared him to death.

Nick sat on his deck and watched Ben do laps in the pool. Angry laps? Scared laps? Something was driving him to go and go and go and not stop, not breathe, not rest. And Nick understood. Sure, he had no clue what was under Ben’s skin exactly, but he understood the need to out distance whatever was haunting you at the moment. He’d worn himself out so many times in this same pool over all sorts of things. Women. Work. Family. Friends. Sometimes, a swimming pool wasn’t big enough for all you had to outrun.

And Ben quickly learned that lesson. His arms and legs and lungs gave out long before his frustration did. When Nick heard the splashing in the pool stop, he looked up only to see a tired, defeated young man on the steps of his pool, head in his hands, shoulders heaving in exhaustion. As it had been so many times before, he felt like he was looking in the mirror. He’d sat on those same steps with the same exhaustion, and he had a feeling, the same emotions ganging up on him as his breathing returned to normal.

“Ben…do you wanna stay over tonight?”

“Huh?” Ben looked up, ignoring the large drop of water that hung from the tip of his nose.

“Tonight. Sleep here. Not go home. You game?”

“Oh…yeah. We have our last game tomorrow morning.”

“I thought so. Tony said he can come…if you want me there.”

“Yes! Of course. I mean, I’ll be a wreck, but…yeah. This is for the tournament championship, man. I want you there.” The drip was finally close enough to falling that Ben felt it and wiped it off, running his hands through his wet hair, wishing he could wipe off anxiety as easily.

“Then I’m there.” He got up from his chair and tossed a towel to the boy, sucking in his breath as it almost skirted into the water. “Let’s go watch stupid movies.”

“I’m in…”

And they did. And it was good. Just two guys hanging out, not talking, yet somehow in that “guy” way, saying so much. Ben needed this and Nick knew it. But, when it came time to turn in, Ben got uneasy and quiet again.

“Dude…you gotta quit acting in code on me. I can’t read your mind.” Nick dumped their empty bottles of water into the trash and sighed as his bare foot found one stray cereal crumb. He figured he’d be crunching around for at least another month.

“Can I uh…I mean…I know it’s not storming or anything, but…” Ben looked down and picked at an imaginary blemish on the counter top.

“You wanna sleep in my room tonight?”

Ben nodded and looked up, an annoying tear teasing it’s way to the edge of his eye. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Nick.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you…come on.” Nick wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulders and walked him to the large bedroom. No, nothing was wrong, but plenty was bugging the kid. He’d talk when he was ready. In the mean time, Nick would be a silent friend. It’s what he preferred when he had been stressed, so he figured it’d be enough for Ben.

As they settled into bed, Ben decided to talk. Nick was tired. Naturally.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yup.” Nick turned his back to Ben, not to tune him out, but figuring it was a question about…well, he thought he could go to sleep after a short answer. He thought wrong.

“Am I ever gonna be able to be good?”

Nick’s eyes had already fallen to half mast, but popped open at the silence that followed Ben’s question. It hung in the air like the smog over LA.

He slowly rolled over, surprised to find Ben also with his back to him, still and apparently unemotional. Or so scared at an answer he couldn’t breathe. Touching the boy’s shoulder, Nick pulled back when he heard a single word.

“Don’t.”

“Okay…” Nick sat up, running a hand through his hair as he tried to wake his brain up enough to answer, to consider, to care for such a loaded question. He wasn’t sure he was up for the task. “What do you mean, exactly?”

“Just what I said, Nick.” Ben sat up too, wiping his eyes free from the few errant tears that had escaped at Nick’s touch. “Am I ever gonna be good? I just keep fucking up and fucking up and fucking up…and I don’t see me ever getting out of it.”

“You know, there are few choices in our life that are totally our own. Usually you have other people to consider, other situations to think about, but that one…whether you’re good or not…”

“…it’s all mine, isn’t it?”

“Yep. No one can answer that but you.”

“If I couldn’t answer…if someone asked you and I wasn’t there…what would you say?”

“I’d say you already are good. I’ve already said it to Lani.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

Ben looked up to Nick and they sat there for a few long moments, neither speaking, both picking at fuzz on the blanket, wanting to say more, but too uncomfortable to do it. But, Nick wasn’t going to lay back down until Ben led. This was his conversation…his moment to ask, to think, to spill.

After a few more uncomfortable moments, Ben nodded his head with resolve and snuggled back into the bed, turning his back to Nick. “Yeah, okay. I can do it then. I can be good.”

“Yes, you can. Oh…remind me to give you the new password tomorrow.”

“You’re going to give it to me again?”

“Yes. You have a job here now. And I trust you’ll be responsible with it.”

Ben took a deep breath and closed his eyes, silently telling himself to be good. To not let Nick down, and most importantly, not let himself down. “Did I cause any problems with that? Was it hard to change?”

Nick chuckled, remembering the conversation with the guard that morning. “No, it’s fine. I just had a helluva time convincing him that I wasn’t changing it because I’d pissed off ‘that pretty Latino girl’. The man has no faith in me.”

“You must have a rotten history with women.”

“I do…”

“But not anymore?”

“Nope. I’ve decided I’m gonna be good.”

Ben smiled to himself, and feeling Nick sink under the blankets, he scooted back, letting his back rest against Nick’s. He felt safe here. But, if they were both going to resolve to be good…then he’d have to learn to feel safe away from here too.

He could do it. He knew he could.

“Are you here to cheer for that loser team again?”

Nick turned around to the familiar voice and reached out a hand to help its owner step up onto the bleachers with him. “I didn’t expect to see you here today!”

“Yup. Jack and Liz helped me to start setting stuff up for next week, so I had the time.” Solana sat down next to him, waving at a few familiar mothers and kids who noticed her arrival.

“Good…they’re just getting ready to start. Ben’s a nervous wreck.”

“Aw, well…he probably never thought they’d get this far. Couldn’t his mom come?”

“I guess not. He’s not a good salesman. I’m not sure he wanted her here.”

“Everyone wants their mom for important stuff.”

“You’d think…I dunno. I don’t think she felt very welcome. Hey…where’s your side kick?”

“With Katy. Not in the mood to do ‘mommy’ today.”

“Maybe Patty wasn’t either.”

“She does have it in abundance, huh?”

Nick chuckled and turned his attention back to the game just in time to hear the ump yell, “Play ball!”

You couldn’t have planned for a better match-up for a tournament championship. Both teams had hitters. Both teams had fielders. Both teams had star pitchers. And Ben was on fire. He was pitching the best game he’d pitched all season.

Steve, however, was playing like he was still in t-ball. Missed fielding from the short stop position got him moved to right field. They needed his excellent hitting or he’d have been benched completely. Thing was, he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn this morning. He was distracted. Upset. And crankier than a hornet. If he wasn’t such a jerk when he wasn’t cranky, it might be comical.

About half way through the game, Nick noticed Tony moving in closer before he noticed why. Girls were getting pretty good about leaving him alone here, so he’d almost considered not even bringing him. He’d soon be glad he changed his mind.

The two friends exchanged a glance. Tony asking ‘you want him’? Nick answering ‘I don’t care.’ No words, just understanding between friends. The man approaching looked innocent enough, if not a bit ridiculous.

He was sharply dressed, complete with used car salesman helmet hair, and a Saturday afternoon vodka swagger. He climbed up the risers and planted himself in front of Nick, turning around and offering a hand. “Mike Spencer, Steve’s dad. You’re Nick Carter?”

Nick took a breath and tried not to react, reaching his hand out and shaking. He silently thanked the gods for his career at the moment. He could baffle with bullshit like the best of ‘em. “Yeah, what can I do for you?” He eyeballed Tony letting him know to stay nearby.

“Aw, I’m not gonna hurt you. You can call off the bodyguard.”

Looking more firmly into Mr. Spencer’s eyes, Nick reiterated his question. “What can I do for you, Mr. Spencer?”

The older man pulled back a bit at the younger man’s confidence. He wasn’t accustomed to it…he could intimidate anyone. “Ah. Yes. Well, it’s about this ‘punishment’ you have planned for my son.” Idiot even used quote marks when he said ‘punishment’. What a piece of work.

“Mm-hmm.” Nick tried to look around the man’s hair-sprayed stiff coif to see if he was missing any of the game. And to show he was not interested in this conversation.

“Yeah, and uh…even if Steve actually did trash your little place, I think we can work out something a little less, uh…time consuming for him.”

Taking a deep breath, Nick focused on the man again, growing quickly impatient. “He admitted to it, Mr. Spencer. And no, I think working at the center is perfect. It’s easier than the alternative.”

“Which is?”

“Which would be putting it into the law’s hands. They let him walk without a mark after the school break-in. I don’t think they’d go that easy on him this time.”

“You can’t prove he did it.”

“His fingerprints are still all over my house, and we have a very credible witness.” How did proof change the acceptability of the matter anyway?

“If you think Ben would say anything against Steve, you don’t know the kid very well. He’s only looking out for his own ass.”

“No, sir. You don’t know Ben very well. And if you’ll excuse me, I came to watch a baseball game. You’re in my way.”

“I’m not finished with you.”

“I am…excuse me, please.” Nick’s eyes went over the man’s head and he purposely cheered a bit louder than he would, encouraging the team, ignoring the fool before him. Tony stepped in closer, but Nick shook him off, giving the man one last chance to be polite.

Mr. Spencer did turn around, but Nick had a feeling they weren’t finished. Seeing that Ben wasn’t going to be up to bat for a bit, he took Solana’s hand and squeezed. “Wanna go get some water?”

“Yeah…good idea.”

He never let go of her hand as they hopped off the bleachers and wordlessly made their way to the concessions. Finally, Nick broke the silence. “Well, now we know why Steve’s playing like shit today.”

“Yep…you okay?”

“Eh, whatever. It explains a lot. The guy’s slime.”

“You’re doing good though. Just keep your cool.”

“If he says one more thing about Ben, I’m not gonna be cool.”

“Yes, you are. You defend your boy with honor…you have no other choice.”

Honor. Yes. Ben deserved it, because even though he’d screwed up, he’d been nothing short of honorable through the entire thing. He admitted his failure…eventually…and was willing to pay the cost with no complaints. That was honor. Nick could only behave likewise.

When they returned, Nick sighed seeing Mr. Spencer still there with Tony close at hand. Fortunately, it was between innings.

Feeling the bleachers move behind him as Nick and Solana took their seat, Mr. Spencer turned back to them. “Okay, here’s the deal.”

“I don’t do deals.” Nick smiled to himself, remembering Ben’s exact same words to him when they were at the beach. Ben had decided a deal was okay after all. Nick had a feeling he wouldn’t be so quick change his mind.

“Just listen to me…we’re both men of wealth. We know money talks.”

Solana sat up at that comment, incensed at this man’s cajones. “But does it say anything important, Mr. Spencer?”

Nick tried not to flinch, clearing his throat to hide the chuckle at her comment. “I’m listening…”

“How much damage was done…monetarily speaking?”

“At least $10,000…monetarily speaking.”

“Okay, how ‘bout I just write you a check for that and we’ll call it even?”

“This has nothing to do with money, Mr. Spencer.”

“You’re using my kid for free help…saving the center money, right?”

Solana spoke up again, feeling the need to defend her territory. “No. You’ve misunderstood. I’m giving your son the benefit of the doubt that his criminal behavior comes from a lack of compassion and understanding for others. So, I’m providing him a place to learn that while paying his debt to Mr. Carter…and to Ben…not monetarily speaking.”

His eyes narrowed in a glare to Solana. Who was she anyway? And didn’t they see that Ben was the root of this whole problem? “Paying a debt to Ben!? He’s the one who let them in!”

“Ah, so you admit Steve was involved?” Nick’s eyebrows were as high on his forehead as they could go…this was entertaining.

“No, I…no. Not necessarily…I just.” He scratched his head, showing that the helmet head was indeed a helmet…in the form of a bad toupee. “I just don’t want him around those kids. He’s already in enough trouble.”

“And he’s going to be in more trouble if he keeps with the path he’s on,” Solana explained. “He’s a bright young man, and a very talented athlete. He can work with the other kids and everyone will benefit. And speaking from one parent to another, isn’t that what we want for our children? To learn from their mistakes?”

He wasn’t listening and Nick was growing impatient as the new inning started and the conversation continued. “Okay, how’s this…since you don’t need the money, Nick…”

“I said I don’t do deals. And I’m here for a ball game…you’re pissing me off.”

The man backed up, mocking fear, but showing real fear when Tony moved in closer…not that he was an intimidating person, but…well, it intimidated him anyway. “Okay, okay…I’ll donate the money to Ben’s family. Just don’t make Steve have to do that. It’ll…”

Nick was still irritated into silence, so Solana took over. This was her strength anyway. Nick felt totally incompetent in her presence with this. Which at the moment was fine. “It’ll what, Mr. Spencer? Make him take responsibility for his actions? Why are you so quick to buy off your son’s responsibility just to save his reputation? Or is it yours you’re worried about?”

“I’m not trying to buy off anything, little lady…and I don’t think I was speaking to you.”

Silence broken. “That’s it…we’re done. You gonna leave on your own, or do you need an escort?” Nick squeezed his water bottle, grateful for something to do with his hands. He so wanted them planted in this man’s face.

“Fine, fine. I’m out.” Mr. Spencer got up and hopped off the bleachers, turning back to add one last dig. “Just know you just gave away the opportunity of a lifetime for Ben and his family. I hope you can sleep at night.”

Nick closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing down, hoping no one noticed the heated discussion. More internet fodder. It was bad enough everyone kept asking who the kid was that he was hanging around…he didn’t need this. Not now. Not while his career lay in the balance. More importantly, Ben didn’t need it either.

Feeling Solana’s hand come to rest on his thigh, he took hold of it and brought her fingers to his lips and kissed, making gentle motions to help calm him down, remind him what mattered here.

“I’m so sorry, Lani.”

“What are you apologizing for, Nick? He’s the asshole.”

“I know, but…god. What a prick.”

“Yep. You did good, though.”

“What if he tells Ben what he offered? I just turned money away that that family could use.”

“Do you really think Ben wants that man’s money? Especially if it’s to pay off Steve’s role in this mess?”

Nick sighed, not really having an answer to that question. He’d hope the source of the money would matter, but when money was what you wanted and didn’t have, sometimes you’d do anything, compromise any principle to get it.

“Nick, you did the right thing. You know it, and if Ben doesn’t know it now, one day he will. And Steve will too.”

“Steve?”

“You just did him a huge favor.”

“That’s not what I intended…little shit.”

“I know, but you did. With honor.”

With honor. Be good. How come the right thing to do was so often the hardest thing to do?

It was finally the last inning of the game and Ben’s team was first to bat. Unfortunately, they were starting at the bottom of the line-up. The score was in their favor, 3-2. Even if they didn’t score, there was a chance. A slim one. The other team had incredible hitters and Ben’s arm was pooping out.

First two batters did as expected…dinged the ball right to the pitcher and were thrown out at first. But, stars do shine and they were back to the top of the line up. Fortunately, the other team’s pitcher’s arm was pooping out too. The next batter walked to first base.

Ben was up next and he looked back to his small cheering section for a much needed boost of confidence. Getting just that, he stepped up to the plate and eye-balled the pitcher. Ball one. He took a couple of practice swings and stepped up, hoping for a similar, but better aimed pitch. It was just the speed he liked them.

And it was…a solid line drive right through the second baseman into center field. Ben could run like the wind and he beat the fielder’s attempts to catch him at first base. Two men on.

The next batter watched the first strike sail by, but took hold of the second pitch, sending it to third base…who missed the easy play at his own bag by over-throwing it to first. Their first error of the game. And it could cost them just that.

Steve was finally in the position to do the job he was lined up to do. Clean up. Sadly, all he’d been able to muster this morning was making the mess. His morale was shot, his nerves were through the roof and his dad was an obnoxiously loud moron. Two outs, three men on base…it was up to Steve to put them in a comfortable lead. Their best hitter. Surely he could do it.

“Come on Steve…little dinger…nice and easy!” Nick cheered the little cretin on. Why the hell not? He wanted Ben’s team to win and well…this was part of it.

Solana joined him in cheering, leaning over as the crowd noise died down. “You’re too nice.”

“I’m full of shit is what I am. Maybe they’ll hit him in the head and he’ll advance that way.”

Steve swung at the first pitch, which he knew better than to do, and popped it straight up and over to where his father was standing. Foul ball and missed the dad. Damn. It wasn’t lost on him though, his stupidity reigned supreme.

“You swung too late, Steve…come on, man. Pay attention. You got your head up your ass!”

“Okay, now I’m voting for another foul ball…on his head.”

Second pitch was thrown and Steve swatted flies. Strike Two.

“What the hell was that!? Focus, focus…get outta your head!”

Steve’s frustration was mounting and his team continued to cheer him on, Ben and his teammates getting antsy waiting on base. He watched the third pitch sail by for a ball one. Foul tipped the fourth and walked out of the batter’s box to try to get his head together. They needed at least one of these three possible runs. Steve was their star hitter. This should not be so difficult.

Sixth pitch and Steve swung.

And missed. Strike three. No runs. Still 3-2 and the other team was also looking at the top of their line-up. Ben’s arm was dead but the second line pitcher wasn’t strong enough to take it. It was up to him.

Tossing his batting helmet on the ground and grabbing his cap, he took an extra minute and ran over to talk to Nick. “Hey…gimme some water.”

“Where’s yours?” Nick handed Ben his water bottle, shaking his head as he drained it’s last few drops. “How’s your arm, man?”

“I’m tired, but I think I can do it. What was Steve’s dad talkin’ to you about?”

“Would you get out there and play ball? Don’t worry about Steve or his dad.” Nick looked up to see and very dejected Steve getting reamed a new asshole by his father. Perfect way to treat a kid. No wonder he was so rotten.

“He’s an idiot.”

“Yep…but it’s not your concern. Now get out there and give ‘em hell.”

Ben knocked Nick on the thigh with his glove and took off for the pitcher’s mound, looking back one more time for that extra boost.

They start the inning cold with no warm-up pitches, Ben not wanting to waste what was left of his arm on practice. The first batter hit the plate and watched the first perfect pitch sail by. Strike one.

Next pitch was dead on and the batter took it, hitting it straight to second base. Easy play. Easy out. Two more to go.

The next batter wouldn’t go down as quickly and Ben wouldn’t pitch as smoothly either. First two sailed by him too high and inside. But, figuring Ben was tired, he watched the third one go right over the plate. Strike one.

Watching the fourth pitch as well, he got his third ball. Might as well swing at the next one. He popped it to left field and was out. Two down, one to go and the championship would be theirs.

“Come on Red!!! One more out guys…just one more out!!!” Nick and Solana got up and headed down to the fence. Sitting was no longer an option.

Steve had rejoined his team, but sat on the bench pouting. They were about to win the championship and he couldn’t even see past his own personal failures to see the team-wide success. And that was the greatest failure of all.

Third at bat, and he watched the first two pitches sail by. Both balls. Ben worked his arm, and soaked in the cheering crowd. No one cheered for him. Ever. But now they were. Now all eyes were on him and it was for something good. Something positive. Something he had talent in and could be proud of.

Winding up, he threw the third pitch in and watched it sail along the third base line, sighing in relief when it landed foul. Strike One. A low sinking pitch gave him ball three. A wild, un-tethered swing gave him strike two. Dear God.

Full count. Two outs. No one on base. Ben’s heart felt like it was going to pound out of his body. Nick’s heart felt like it was going to pound out of his body. As did Steve’s, the coach’s and every boy on that field. Nick grabbed the rungs of the fence, white knuckles shining, mumbling prayers to an unfamiliar god that this kid be allowed this one blessing. This one victory. This one moment in his life.

Ben looked over to Nick and shocked the older blonde right out of his flip flops. “Thank you.”

He didn’t hear it over the crowd noise, but he saw it on his lips and read it fully in his eyes. He almost forgot to breathe. But then, he snapped out of it, hearing the crowd cheer, seeing the other team pace in a fit of nerves…and he joined in. “Come on, Ben…this is it, Bud! You can do it!”

He nodded to the one person who mattered there, and nodded to his catcher. This batter could hit. This batter was a nervous fit as well. Ben wiped his right hand on his pant leg and turned to start his pitch. Taking a deep breath, he focused on one thing. The catcher’s glove. As the ball left his hand, time seemed to slow and the ball traveled into home plate. The batter stepped back and swung with all of his might.

At the sound of a smack, Ben opened his eyes. The smack of a ball hitting a glove.

Strike three.

Game over.

They’d done it.

Before Ben knew what hit him he was up on his teammates shoulders being carried into the bench. Once on the ground again, he quickly made his way through the throng of sweaty, dusty boys and broke free, wanting to see only one person.

No words were said. No words were needed. Ben looked up into the smiling blue eyes that had been guiding him for the past few months…helping him grow and learn and mature, took one step and leapt into his arms. Neither knew how long they stood there, Ben’s feet dangling at Nick’s calves, his face buried in Nick’s neck. Neither cared.

Nick felt a gentle tapping on his arm and peeked around. It was time for Ben to join his team again on the field and Nick put him down, still saying nothing and watching as he ran out to “congratulate” the other team. His eye caught Mr. Spencer’s and he simply nodded, knowing the man had watched the whole thing. Steve hadn’t even touched his dad yet.

Nick and Solana waited for Ben’s return and sent him off with his team for a congratulatory ice cream. Once they were back at the parking lot, ready to go their separate ways, Solana finally spoke up.

“He won more than that game today, Nick.”

“Yes…I think we both did.”

“You taking us shopping today, Nick?”

“Yep. You have your canned food?” Nick grimaced as the screen door slammed behind him and scooped up Liz to help her collect all of her siblings for their private back-to-school shopping trip at the center.

“They’re all in the kitchen. Mine are green beans.”

“So giving…you hate green beans.”

“Yep…but kids who don’t have anything won’t mind ‘em.”

“Probably true…where’s everyone else?”

“Jack’s beating Ben’s butt in basketball. Kitty’s putting on make-up.”

“And you’re here with me.”

“Yep…I’m the lucky one.”

Nick shook his head and put her down, making himself at home in their kitchen to find a bag for the canned goods. Kids would get one bag full of clothes in exchange for one canned food item. No matter how little you had, it was a good lesson to learn that someone else had less. They’d receive charity and also give charity.

For the Casey kids, they had a special benefit of getting to go through the donated clothing and school supplies before anyone else. They had all pitched in to help, setting up dressing rooms, sorting clothing by size, distributing and making promotional materials and designing signs to aid in the flow of the room. Solana and Barry agreed that a private shopping day was acceptable payment. Then, Nick would take them to the mall to fill in any gaps they couldn’t find at the center.

Once there, the kids dove right into the shopping. They’d done it before and knew the routine. Nick just stood back with Solana and watched the interaction between the siblings, giggling at Liz’s fashion show, Ben and Jack’s lack of enthusiasm and Kitty’s shyness. They were entertaining to say the least.

“Nick! Look at this one!” Liz stepped out from behind a dressing “room” and twirled around. She’d found a denim mini skirt and a cute purple top to go with it, looking like the princess she always dreamed of being.

“Aw, Liz…that looks good!” He walked over to her and took her hand, letting her twirl under his arm. “Purple’s your color.”

“Yep, lemme throw it in my bag.” She skipped back to her dressing room, sticking her tongue out to Jack who tripped her on the way in.

“I think I’m done already…these jeans okay?”

Nick looked down to Jack and giggled. Floods. Bad. “You goin’ for capris, man?”

Jack looked down and sighed, hoping no one would notice. “No…but…they’re Hilfigger!”

“Jack…they’re floods. Doesn’t matter whose name is on ‘em.” Nick squatted down and tried to adjust the waist, hoping it’d lower them a bit. It didn’t help. “Since when are you looking for labels anyway?”

Jack shrugged and sighed again, ticked he couldn’t once have first run clothes, and if that couldn’t happen, at least some decent stuff his friends had. “I just thought it’d be cool.”

“Go find a pair that fits…we’ll look at Hilfigger at the mall, okay?”

“Really!?”

“Yes, really…now take those fool things off. You look ridiculous.”

“From the man who wears capris…I swear.” Jack bopped Nick on the head before he stood and disappeared behind his dressing area, shouting at Ben who had started chortling when Jack reappeared in his floods.

“K, I’m done…how much longer we gonna be?” Ben tossed his bag at Nick’s feet and tied his bandana back on his head, looking more than bored with the whole ordeal.

“No floods for you?”

“Nope, they all fit, but I still need a few more things.”

“No problem. Go get your supplies. Miss Romero’s got your list at the front of the line.”

Ben took off to get his school things and Solana knocked at the divider covering where Kitty was getting dressed. “You okay in there?”

“Uh, yeah…can, um…you come back here?”

“Sure, sweetie.”

Nick could hear the girls whispering from behind the divider and helped Jack stuff all of his loot into his bag, sending him off to get supplies. Liz came out shortly after, still wearing her purple outfit, and pulled Nick to the next room to help her find just the right box of markers. She was definitely the only one who was excited about school starting again.

As Nick checked off Liz’s list, she plopped the right items in her bag, telling him how she was going to use it, what she was going to make for him that year, and how she was going to get straight A’s…just like always. Forget that it was only her second full year of school. Just as Nick checked off the last item, they heard Solana clearing her throat at the back of the room. All eyes turned to see what she wanted.

Which is what she wanted. All eyes on a very nervous, but wanting-to-be-confident Kitty. She’d found a cute t-shirt in her size that was decorated with a single rose growing through a pile of rocks. Underneath it, were the words, “I can grow anywhere.” Solana helped her find the right jeans and jewelry to dress up the simple, yet poignant outfit. She looked amazing.

“Oh, Kitty…look at you!” Nick kicked Jack to make him say something nice…stupid brothers.

“Dang, Kit…what’s gotten into you? You kinda look almost good!” He tried anyway.

Kitty touched her hair nervously and shifted weight on her feet. “Is it…is it too cheesy?”

Nick walked over to her to get a better look, stepping back and reading the sentiment again. “Where’d you find that?”

“In my box…it’s not stupid, is it?”

“No…no one but you and me knows what that means. And I like cheesy.”

Kitty blushed and pushed her hair back behind her ears. “I just wish my hair wasn’t so ratty.”

“Now, Kit, I told you…I’ll cut it…all of yours. After we’re done, we’ll all go back to my house to get back-to-school trims.” Solana looked up to Nick and ruffled his long bangs. “That includes you, big guy…you look like a girl.”

“Hey! I like my hair!” Nick ran a hand back through it and scruffed, making most of it stand on end. “See? It’s talented.”

Kitty got a fit of the giggles and Solana pushed her back into the dressing room. “You’re no help.” Looking back to Nick, she just shook her head. “And neither are you. Family haircut at my house. No arguments. You need to look nice for your album release anyway.”

“I do have a stylist for that, Lani.”

“Okay…just thought the kids would like it if you joined in.”

“Okay, okay…for the kids.”

“You’re so generous.”

“Don’t I know it. Are we almost done here?”

“Yep. You are anyway. My fun starts tomorrow.”

“How many kids are you expecting now?”

“Couple hundred. I have no idea how we’re going to service them all. I just hope lots of volunteers show up to work.”

“I’d offer, but…”

“You’d cause a scene. Nope. You’d better stay far the hell away.”

“Yep…steering clear.” Looking up to the others collecting their supplies, he grabbed a nearby folding chair and straddled it backwards, sitting down. “This is an amazing thing, Lani.”

“It’s so basic too. And thanks for your help with it. I got a call from someone at the state department. They’re coming out this week to see how it goes.”

“Are they? That’s great…you’ll have a grant in no time then.”

“Hopefully, yeah…I could use the money for all sorts of things.”

“Maybe we should have taken Mr. Spencer’s money for that…and still made Steve work.”

“It’d be nice, but I doubt we’d ever see Steve again. I’ll get my money the right way, thank you very much.”

Nick nodded in agreement and wrapped his arm around Liz when she saddled up next to him with her new goodies. The right way. Always meant more work, waiting, sometimes stress. But in the long run, he knew, it would always pay off. He was seeing it happen right before his eyes.

“Come in here, Buzz. I wanna show you something.”

“Would you quit calling me Buzz!? She cut it too short!” Ben tried to run his hand through his hair, but only sighed as he felt little hair and a lot of scalp. Solana got a little scissor/trimmer happy on Ben’s head. He was not pleased.

“Yes, she did…Buzz. Quit whining and come on.” Nick grabbed Ben’s wrist and pulled him into the hallway of his home, taking him into the studio…where he’d not ever been since the day they discovered Steve and Ron’s artistic ability with vandalism.

“Woah! You’re drums are done! Oh cool!” Ben walked over to the set and slid his hand over the refinished heads, happy to see it looking normal. He knew of all the damage done in the house, Nick’s drum kit was the most frustrating for him.

“Yep. Dude came in yesterday…and the glass guy showed up then too. Got all my mirrors and pictures fixed.” Nick slid around to the stool and picked up a bag of sticks, choosing a pair and starting to lightly tap the heads of the toms and snare, testing their pitch and feel.

“Good. How about your sound equipment?”

“It’ll be done by the time I get back from LA. I should be all set real soon.”

Ben sat down at the keyboard and watched Nick futz around, wondering how you coordinated hands and feet to actually make music like that. Putting one foot in front of the other to walk was becoming a skill beyond his reach lately. Growing pains suck…they make you clumsy.

Nick noticed him staring and stopped, smiling at Ben’s almost bald head. Poor kid. “You wanna try?” He offered him his sticks and stood up, knocking a cymbal one last time.

“You serious?”

“Yeah, dawg…come on. Give it a shot.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Can you rub your belly and pat your head?”

“Huh?”

Nick did the trick with ease, and just like a pre-programmed doll Ben tried to mimic him. “Oh damn. This isn’t easy.”

“Start with your tummy…just rub it.” Seeing Ben do that, he instructed him to add his hand to his head. “Now pat your head. I just think about the rhythm on my head and ignore my tummy.”

After a few false starts, Ben got it. For a few seconds anyway. “God, I look stupid.”

“Yes, you do. So do I. Now switch hands.”

Ben did and ended up a rubbing, patting mess. He was rubbing his head, patting his tummy, patting his head, patting his tummy still, only in a circular, rubbing pattern. How frustrating. “God…this is hard! How do you do this!?”

“Practice. Gotta add your feet too.” When Ben’s eyes bugged out of his head at the thought, Nick chuckled and gave him a reprieve. “But that’s next lesson. Okay, just start a slow rhythm on the snare.”

“Which one is that?” All Ben could see were a million drum heads and cymbals. Otherwise, he was clueless.

“Right in front of you. That’s the snare…these over here are toms…hit ‘em.”

Ben did and smiled at the different pitch. “Ooh…okay, those are my favorites.”

“Yeah, mine too. And then of course, cymbals, hi-hat and bass. Start with the snare.”

Ben got an even rhythm started on the snare and Nick corrected the way he was holding the sticks and slid another chair over to the set, adding a hi-hat rhythm to add to the sound. “Cool.”

“Okay, now try that pedal down there for the bass. Hit it every other beat of the snare.”

“Gads, okay…” Ben tentatively tapped the pedal, barely making a sound.

“Aw, come on now, Buzz…hit the thing. No pansies on my drum set.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“Do it loud and wrong then…we’ll fix it later. Hit it, baby!”

To Ben’s surprise, the confidence needed to hit the drum at the right pressure, set his foot right in rhythm. Nick knew this of course, but smiled none-the-less when seeing Ben’s grin bounce all over the room. “I’m doing it!”

“Yep…gimme the other stick and I’ll add cymbals.” Nick got up and stood over Ben, stretching out his leg to reach the hi-hat pedal and playing the cymbals and toms as a supplement to Ben’s basic rhythm.

“Oh we so rock.”

“Hell yeah, we do…he tuned these nice too…sound better than they ever have.” They played for a few more minutes, Ben getting a bit more daring with his bass rhythm and occasionally taking over Nick’s part on the toms, giggling when it flubbed, shocked to silence when it didn’t.

“Okay, big finale….just bang the hell outta the bass there. And duck…I’m dangerous.”

Ben ducked his head down and let Nick go to town…and they did rock. Sounded great and Ben felt like a rock star.

At the final cymbal crash, Ben tossed his stick into the air and Nick caught it, tapping him lightly on the head. “Nice work, dawg. With a little practice…you’ll be kickin’.”

“You think?”

“Sure. Help yourself when you come over to work on the yard while I’m gone. I’ll leave a few pairs of sticks here for you.”

“Oh cool…I’ll be careful.”

“I know you will.” Nick offered Ben his hand and helped him unwrap from the stool without tripping over pedals and cords that were strewn all over the floor from his haphazard attempts at hooking things back up. “Pizza?”

“Pizza. No anchovies.”

“Definitely.”

Nick pulled the truck up to Ben’s house and turned off he ignition. Ben didn’t move and Nick knew why. Tomorrow was the first day of school.

“Ready for tomorrow?”

Nick looked over to Ben, surprised to see total panic written all over his face. “No. What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never given a shit before.”

“It’s cuz you give a shit now…”

“God. The teachers already hate me…they’re gonna sit me in the front of the room just to save time, give me attitude right from the start…it’s gonna suck.”

“So prove ‘em wrong this year. Shock their socks off.”

Ben looked back out front and silently nodded. Easy for Nick to say. He had no idea how hard it was going to be with all of those temptations luring him at every turn.

“You know…I’m kinda going back to a new school year tomorrow too.”

“Huh?”

“Yep…and I’m nervous too.”

“What for?”

“Same thing. People expect certain things out of me and not a lot of it is something to be proud of.”

Ben looked back to Nick and considered his words. It was similar, wasn’t it? Same old situations with a totally different outlook. They had high expectations for themselves and everyone around them expected nothing but the worst. A lion’s den of evil-wishers.

“Well, if you think I can do it…I know you can, Nick.”

“I hope so, Ben. I like how I feel now. In control, happy…productive.”

“Yeah…like I matter somehow.”

“Exactly.” Nick opened the door to his car, hoping Ben would get out. It was time to quit musing about tomorrow and just start dealing with it. Peeking over the truck as Ben hopped out, Nick added one more thought. “You know…you do matter, Ben.”

Ben stopped in his tracks toward his house and turned back to his friend, scratching his almost bald head and blushing at the tender words. “Yeah, Nick…I matter. And so do you.”

“Ben? Hey man, it’s Nick.”

“Nick! Dawg! How are you man!?” Just as the words left his mouth, Ben was jumped on by all four of his siblings, ramming the receiver into his ear.

“Nick? Let me talk! Give me the phone!”

“Nick! Talk Nick! Talk Nick!”

“Ben! He’s my friend too!”

“Mom! Ben won’t let us talk!”

“Damn…down guys…jeez. Hang on, man. I gotta go outside…morons.” Ben pushed his brother and sisters aside, sticking his tongue out as they continued to whine and call out for Patty’s intervention. She wisely stayed put in her room folding laundry. Unless there was blood shed, they’d work it out themselves.

Nick laughed at the ruckus and told him to let them know he’d talk to everyone. But Ben didn’t pass that along…yet. He wanted Nick to himself for a few minutes.

“Okay, got rid of ‘em…so how are things going?”

“Goin’ good…how ‘bout you? How was school this week?”

“Real good. I think the teachers don’t know what to do with me.”

“Good…keep ‘em guessing. You have any classes with Erin?”

“Yeah, science. She’s got Steve for a lab partner though.”

“Oh, lucky her. How’s that goin’?”

“Eh, we ignore each other pretty much. I’ve got a few other friends from the team now.”

“Good. Just stay away from him, Ben.”

“He needs to stay away from Erin, man. Pissin’ me off.”

“Uh-oh…be cool, now. Just let Erin and the teacher deal with it.”

“I’m tryin’, I’m tryin’. Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“Steve was saying something to me about his dad offering our family money? What the fuck is that about?”

“Oh…yeah, that.”

“So he’s not bullshitting me?”

“Well, I don’t know what he’s said, but yeah. His dad offered to pay off Steve’s punishment by giving you guys the money to fix my house.”

Silence. The loudest silence Nick had ever heard. He’d been laying on his stomach across his hotel bed and rolled over on his back, giving Ben a few moments to soak it all in…think it through, and preparing himself for the words that would follow. They couldn’t be good.

“I see.” He was expecting a little more feedback than that.

“Ben…you know this has nothing to do with money, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know. Why would he do that?”

“Because he thinks money fixes everything…including his son.”

“But it doesn’t, Nick. How come I know that and he doesn’t?”

“Because you’re smarter than he is.”

“And poorer.”

“No…you’re richer. Richer than me…than the Spencer’s…”

“...maybe…” Ben sighed and ran his hand through his slowly growing hair. “I want my own room, Nick.”

“I know you do, Bud. And somehow we’re gonna get your mom on her feet working again and you’ll get your own room. It’s just going to take time.”

“No charity on this one, huh?”

“You want charity?”

“No…no, I don’t. I just want a room.”

“You’ll get a room. And you’ll have more than a room when it’s all said and done. Steve will still have nothing.”

“Yeah, I know. You did the right thing.”

“I’m glad you think so…I was afraid you’d be upset.”

“No. You’re right. Steve has to pay. He made the mess and he needs to see how things are for people not like him. He’s an idiot.”

Nick rolled back to his stomach and chuckled, happy that Ben had been so good about this. “Hey…did Miss Romero hear from the state or do you know?”

“I dunno. Why don’t you call her? You know you wanna.”

“I think I’ll do that, smart ass. Let me talk to Jack…putz.”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks for calling.”

“I’ll talk to you soon, dawg. Be good.”

“I am good, remember?”

“Yes, I remember…don’t you forget it.”

Solana listened to the odd feminine voice from the receiver, questions written all over her face.

“Is this THE Miss Romero of the Ruskin Community Center?”

“Uh…yes. How can I help you?”

“THE social worker of social workers? THE woman of women? THE queen of hair trimming and beauty?”

“Uh…I think so? Who is this?”

Suddenly the voice deepened and giggled. “It’s Nick. I’m hurt you didn’t recognize me.”

“Putz. Where are you?”

“LA. Ben told me to call.”

“Oh he did, huh? Did he tell you to prank me too?”

“No, that was my idea…I was wonderin’ if you heard from the state yet.”

“YES! Nick! Oh God…I did today.”

“And you didn’t call me why???”

“Because you’re working. Because…well, I dunno. Because I didn’t. Hang on.” Solana covered the receiver and spoke to her daughter. “Rosalinda. Why are you out of bed?”

“Is that Nicky?”

“Yes…go to bed, young lady.”

“I wanna talk.”

“No…it’s past your bedtime. Shoo.”

Nick heard a little foot stomp on the floor, and a few more stomps disappear in the distance. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the image. Full on pout. Hands on her hips and curls bopping with her steps, night time diaper swishing with each move. Irresistibly irresistible.

“Okay, I’m back. I don’t know where she gets her attitude from.”

“No, I can’t imagine. Must be some lost gene somewhere.”

“Shut up…what were we talking about?”

“State. Good news. You left me hanging.”

“Ah, yes. So…they showed up for the shopping and all. You knew that.”

“Yep. You were overwhelmed with the kids. Did you have enough stuff?”

“Barely. I ended up going to K-Mart for a few cheapy things to fatten it up a bit.”

“Ah…so, what’d they say?”

“Ready?”

“Ready, Freddie.”

“Not only will they give me grant money for next year’s program…”

“Alright!...Yeah??”

“They are giving us enough money to hire a full time administrator. Someone do to all the clerical stuff that Barry and I don’t have the time to do.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“I shit you not, Nick. It’s not the highest salary for administration, but…yeah. And I had an idea.”

“I’m having one too. You go first.”

“No, together. I know we’re on the same page.”

“Yep.”

“Mrs. Casey.” In unison. As it should have been.

“Oh hell yeah, Lani. This is fantastic. Ben was just whining about getting his own room again.”

“Yep…and after about 6 months here, she should be able to get a mortgage, especially through HUD, with no problems.”

“Wow. I can’t believe it.”

“Me either, Nick. I mean, I know what we do there is good, but I never thought they’d jump on the bandwagon like this. You have no idea how much we’ve needed someone to come get us organized.”

“Yeah, and if you’re going to get more kids because of the back-to-school thing…”

“Exactly. We’ll be totally overwhelmed. Now, we can concentrate on what’s important.”

“You haven’t called Patty yet have you?”

“No. I need to clear it through Barry first. She jumped in my head on the way home. We’ll interview her and a few others…just to make it official.”

“Sounds good. Hey, I’ve got an offer for you, too.”

“Ooh…I like the sound of that.”

“I have to go straight to New York when I’m done here. No stop off at home. I’m done over a weekend…um, Labor Day I think.”

Solana’s heart began to race. Was he asking her to meet him there? God, how she wanted to, but…that was not a good idea. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, so…Ben’s been wanting to fly and I thought maybe you could bring him up. My treat. You guys stay over the weekend with me and we can all fly back together.”

Whew. Okay. Yes, and no. That might work. But, wow…it was one thing to be alone on a beach with the kids in the condo on shore. Or alone on the front porch with the kidlet sleeping a window away. But, in New York City…wasn’t everything there forbidden?

“Lani? You there?”

“Uh, yeah…sorry. Um, I need to check on something for Rosalie. I don’t think she’d be a lot of fun there.”

“Totally up to you. I don’t mind.”

“You would, believe me. Let me call Katy and see what I can work out…talk to Mrs. Casey and all.”

“Okay. Good enough. I, uh…” Nick cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “I miss you.”

“Mmm. I miss you, too. So does Rosalie. Poor Aaron hasn’t had a kiss goodnight since you left.”

“Damned good thing. He’s too young for that.”

“Yeah, right. So, I’ll call you or…”

“Yeah, you have my cell. Seriously, Lani. Call anytime. I get kinda homesick out here.”

“I’ll call…mañana.”

Again with the “mañanas”. Nick sighed and rolled on his back again, wishing she were with him now. But she wasn’t. Mañana, mañana, mañana. When would tomorrow ever come?

“Ben! Wait, hon!” Mrs. Casey moved as quickly as she could from the kitchen to the living room where Ben was close to walking out of the door with Solana.

“What, Mom?”

Patty opened up her arms to her son and pleaded with her eyes. “Be good for Miss Romero and Nick, huh?”

Ben rolled his eyes and hugged his mom, secretly grateful for this rare sign of affection from her. “Yeah, Mom. I’m good. You be good, too, okay?”

She pulled back from the hug and took his face in her hands. “Yes, I’m good too. Give Nick a kiss for me.”

“MOM! I am not kissing that man!”

She giggled and popped him on the behind as he snuck out the door and patted Solana on the shoulder before she too disappeared outside. “Take care of my boy.”

“Of course…thanks for letting him do this.”

“It’s good for him. Good for me, too. I depend on him too much.”

“You’re doing better, Patty. Everyone is.”

“Yes…we are. Have him call when you get in, huh?”

“Yep…talk to you soon. Bye, Jack!”

Jack finally looked up from his video game and waved, glad to have the system almost to himself for a few days. Now if he could just get Liz out of the way, he’d be home free.

As the two travelers settled into Solana’s car, Ben’s leg started shaking like a leaf. “Nervous?”

“Yes…no.” Looking at her honest eyes and not being able to return anything less, Ben scratched his head. “Yes. A wreck.”

“Me too.”

“You?”

“Yup.” Solana started the car and tooted the horn as Patty and Amy waved from the front porch. “I haven’t flown for a few years and I’ve never been to New York City before.”

“I’m excited about that part. I wanna see Times Square. MTV…all that stuff.”

“Yep. Nick said he’s gonna try to get us into the studios…he’ll do what he can.”

“I know. Oh, and I have homework…which sucks.”

“Maybe you can finish it on the plane, so you won’t have to think about it, huh?”

“Yeah, good idea. It’s not too much.”

He leaned his head back and tried to calm his nerves as she drove them to the airport. They were both surprised to see that Nick had arranged first class seating for them and obviously alerted the airlines of who they were traveling with. Every whim was catered to. Every nerve was settled. Almost.

“Woah…these seats are huge.” Ben buckled in and looked out of the window, wondering how long it’d be until they backed away from the gate.

“Yeah, I’ve never flown up here before either. Lots of room.”

“Can I get either of you something to drink?” The flight attendant closed the bin over their heads and smiled brightly. How did they do that for eight hours a day?

“Yeah, Diet for me…Ben?”

“Coke is fine.” He looked back out the window, shaking his head. This was too unreal. “So, uh…how fast will this thing go before we leave the ground?”

“I’m not sure, but it pushes you back in your seat.”

Ben nodded and kept his eyes outside, jumping when the hatch slammed shut. “Shit…”

“You okay, bud? They just closed the door.”

“Yeah, yeah…dang…I’m more nervous than I thought.”

Solana slid her hand into Ben’s seat, pulling his wrist out from under his shaking thigh and holding on tight. She leaned in and said nothing, smiling when he leaned back to her…and sighed. She’d always had a soft spot for Ben. She could see the sweetness in him, even when he was giving her headache after headache after headache. She never imagined that the cocky SOB who waltzed in her office so many months ago would be the one to unleash it though. Whatever the case, she couldn’t be happier. With either of them.

When the plane started backing away from the gate, Ben tightened his grip on Solana’s hand. “You know…knowing Nick hates this isn’t helping me at all.”

“Well, see…you’re gonna love it and then you’ll have something to torment him about.”

“Like I don’t have enough already.”

“Never enough. He makes it so easy.”

Ben looked over to her and smiled…she was so pretty. So sincere. So strong. No wonder Nick was smitten. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do…he’s a good man.”

“Yeah…we’re both trying.”

She leaned in closer as the plane started to speed up. The faster the plane got, the bigger Ben’s eyes opened. And the tighter he clung on to her hand, finally grabbing on with both of his to her one. “Oh wow…”

“Here we go…nose up…”

“Woah…”

“Aaanndd…we’re in the air!”

“Oh wow! Wow! Wow! This is…” Letting go and looking out the window, Ben almost jumped clean out of his seat belt. “…amazing! Look at this!”

Solana leaned over, getting a peek at the approaching clouds and disappearing houses. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“Oh yeah. How can Nick hate this?”

“No idea…I’ve always liked to fly.”

“He’s nuts. This is beautiful.” Ben sat back and took Miss Romero’s hand again, winking as she offered a questioning look. “Can’t be too careful though…might hit turbulence.”

“Ah, of course…turbulence.”

“Ooh…look. He’s got a dude with a sign.” Ben pulled on Solana’s arm, dragging her outside of the gating area to a gentleman holding a sign that read, “Ben and Solana.”

“Good afternoon…I’ll take your luggage.”

Without another word, the uniformed gentleman took Solana’s rolling bag and led them out to a huge, white limousine.

“Holy shi-…goodness. He’s rolling out the red carpet, isn’t he?” Ben let Solana duck in first and threw his bag in, sitting across from her, staring in amazement at the leather, the gold, the TV…everything. “This is too cool.”

“No kidding.” As the chauffeur closed the door, they couldn’t help but look at each other and just giggle like school kids. “I don’t believe this…he lives like this all the time.”

“Yeah, but you’d never know it. He’s not full of shit.” Ben ran his hands over the smooth leather and snooped into the liquor cabinet. “Aw…empty.”

“We’ll have to talk to him about that.”

As they traveled into the city, Solana and Ben took on full tourist mode, gazing up at the tall buildings, pointing out famous landmarks to each other. They had only been seeing the outside, not paying much attention to their surrounds, or the sound of their surroundings. Until…

Solana stopped short and kicked Ben across the seats. “Listen…is that Nick???”

Ben stopped gazing outside and focused into the music playing in the limo. “Oh god…yeah…” He slid around to get closer to the back of the driver and tapped him on the shoulder. “Is this radio or a CD?”

“Radio, sir.”

“Holy shit! Miss Romero! It’s him! On the radio!!!”

But she was already gone, totally sucked in to the words and music coming out of the speakers, amazed at the work he’d done before they met and in his jaunts around the country after their time together had started. He’d really done it. On his own. And the words…

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night, where I belong.

Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here.

“Yeah…it’s him alright…he sounds amazing.” They shared one more glance before separating into their own private listening mode, finding meaning in the words, feeling more pride than either thought they could. “Wonder if he wrote that one.”

“I dunno, but it’s good…either way. I like it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

You love me
Who I am?
No angel…just an ordinary man.

Just as the song ended, the car slowed to a stop and the driver came around and helped his passengers out. “I’ll send your luggage up with the concierge, Miss Romero.”

“Oh, okay, thanks…” She clamored in her purse for a tip and he stopped her.

“No, no…our treat, ma’am. Have a good stay.”

Before either could ask any questions, they were being escorted up to the top floor of the luxury hotel and Nick was greeting them at the door.

“Hey! You made it on time! Come on in.”

Ben and Solana ducked in under his arm, Ben barely escaping Nick’s attempts at pulling his do-rag off of his head. And then they stopped. Luxury was an understatement. This was a completely furnished apartment under the guise of a hotel room. Brass, marble, solid cherry furniture and thick, lush tapestries decorated every corner.

“Good God, Nick…” Solana couldn’t believe it. She’d only seen this kind of thing in the movies. And Ben…well, he was totally speechless. And thrilled. He’d found the Play Station hooked up and ready to go.

“What?”

“This…and uh, they said I’m in this room too? I’m not sure…”

“Come here…there’s two bedrooms here.”

“Oh. Two bedrooms…” She followed him through another door and found almost a mirror image of the room she’d entered.

“This is your room. We share living space though…is that okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I think it’ll be fine. Tony has a place?”

“The couch.” Nick giggled and took her hand as they walked back to the living area and sat down as Ben dove into the video games. “I’ve missed you guys so much.”

“We’ve missed you too…” But she really wasn’t listening. She was still taken by the opulence, the glamour, the world he was so comfortable in and she felt like she’d never be able to get accustomed to.

“Hey…” He waved a hand in front of her roving eye, giggling at her trance-like state. “You in there?”

“Yeah, yeah…but, uh…”

“What?”

“Just an ordinary man you say? I don’t think so.”

“So, Ben…how was flying?” Nick dumped a helping of pasta salad on his plate and licked his lips. Nothing like New York deli food and Solana had picked tons of things for them to try. It was a virtual private buffet.

“You’re a wuss, man. It’s great! Hey…leave some for me!” Ben yanked the bucket from Nick and stuck out his tongue.

“God, boys…I swear…are you two always like this after a break?”

“No. Only when we’re hungry.”

“A wuss, huh? Oh fine…you gonna be a pilot now?”

“Uh, no. I just don’t know what you’re afraid of.”

“Crashing. I kinda like being on the ground. Doesn’t hurt so bad if you fall.”

“But you’ll put your heart out for the public to see and not worry about it? See, now to me, that’s scary.” Solana dangled a pickled anchovy in front of Nick and slid it into her mouth, laughing as he made barfing sounds off the side of the table. “Wuss is right. You just don’t know what’s good.”

“I guess we all have our hang ups…so you heard the song, huh?”

“Yeah, in the limo. Nick, it’s great! Did you write it?” Ben smacked his sandwich together and took a huge bite, looking down shyly when he got the scolding look from the adults at the table for his piggish manners. “Sorry.”

Nick shook his head and slathered his bun with mustard, shivering as Solana ate another anchovy. Maybe eating alone wasn’t so bad after all. “Nah, I didn’t write that one. I really liked it though. Liked the lyrics.”

“Yes…they’re good. They sound like you.”

“Well, just because I didn’t write ‘em doesn’t mean I don’t believe ‘em.”

“Quite true. So, when are we going to get to hear the rest of this thing?”

“How’s tomorrow sound?”

Ben looked up, surprise and mustard all over his face. “You serious!? We get to hear it first?”

“Well…not first, but yeah. It’s not the final cut, but close. We’ll go to the studio tomorrow, okay? You can play around on the drums and stuff there too if you want. You been practicing?”

“I’ve been messing around. I wouldn’t call it practice. I suck. Pissed the maid off the other day.”

“Eh, breathing pisses her off sometimes. You’ll be good for her. She’s too tight.”

Solana nodded and poked Nick with her fork. “Sounds like she might be good for you, too…you need a tight woman.”

Nick choked on his sandwich, as did Solana…shocked at her slip and frustrated his mind went right where it was not supposed to go. Ben, fortunately, missed it. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing…nothing at all…” Clearing his throat and avoiding looking at Solana, he found his voice. “Yeah, a tight woman is just what I need. Keeps me outta trouble.”

Solana busied herself at stabbing the rest of her pasta salad, mumbling something in Spanish, red faced and flustered. Men did not typically do this to her…why did he have such power over her? No ordinary man…that was obvious bullshit, but the no angel part? Oh hell yes.

Ben didn’t get the odd tension that had entered the room and he surely did not like it. So, with a burp and a screech of his chair on the tile floor, he excused himself and went back to the video games.

Whispering, Solana leaned over to him, hoping her words would come out better this time. “Nick…”

“Just…shh. Forget it. We’ll get through this.” The last thing he wanted was to discuss the tension. It’d never go away then. And, it needed to. His desire for her grew every time he saw her…and it was driving him mad.

“Mmm…I’m not so sure. Maybe I should just get another room.”

“Nope. You’re staying here with the guys. I want you here.”

“And you always get what you want?” She stuffed a forkful of pasta in her mouth and chewed slowly, wanting him to hear what she was truly asking.

He heard. Completely.

“Eventually…yes, I do.”

Ben woke up at way too early o’clock, and couldn’t get back to sleep at all. Not wanting to wake Nick, he slid out of bed and shuffled into the living room, giggling at the snores pouring out of Tony’s open mouth. Money, status, fame, celebrity…none of it could strip away the goofiness of basic humanity sometimes.

He pulled a can of pop out of the refrigerator and peeked out in the hall for…nothing. Just…to see what else goes on in hallways of such places in the morning. Not a whole lot. Seeing a newspaper on the floor, he picked it up and headed back in, hoping he could read or something without waking anyone. He didn’t like mornings…especially alone.

“Hey, Ben…what are you doing up so early, honey?” Solana rubbed her eyes, squinting at the light peeking in the room.

“Oh…did I wake you?”

“Nah, I gotta make a pit stop. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…just can’t sleep.”

“Well, give me a second…we’ll have a pajama party in my room, okay?”

“I’ll bring the nail polish.”

When Solana returned, she poured herself a drink and grabbed the paper, popping Ben in the behind as he walked ahead of her. “You have an odd preoccupation with nail polish, by the way.”

“It’s my sisters’ fault. They make me weird.” He stood by the door, unsure of what to do. Solana was in full girlie mode, and didn’t even consider the questions that would be racing through the boy’s head.

“Come on…get in here…let’s see what’s happening in the world.”

He hopped in beside her and flipped through the sections of the paper, looking for the sports page. She leaned into him, reading over his shoulder and both stopped cold when they got to the second section.

“Oh shit…”

“The Lost Boys: How a Pop Sensation Came Undone. Oh Ben…this is not good.” They both stared at the dated picture of the Backstreet Boys from a 1999 concert, flying over the crowd on surf boards, Nick looking so different than he did now…young, heavy…just…different. “Undone? God, I had no idea it was this bad.”

“You knew something was up?”

“Well, a little, but he just doesn’t talk about much.”

“Definitely not to me…does he know about this article?”

Solana shrugged and popped the paper open, resting it between them so they both could see. As they began to read, they had to giggle at the second picture in the article and AJ’s lack of hair. “He has less hair than me!”

“Hush…I said I was sorry.”

“Eh, it’s growing back…I’ll forgive you.” Ben rubbed his head, truly glad it was growing back. He didn’t like it at all, even though it was an innocent accident.

“Good…”

“Which one’s Kevin?”

“This one right here. The one who’s looking at Nick’s butt.”

“Ew…are you a fan?”

“A little. Nothing major. I’ve been to the Tampa shows. Have the albums. That’s about it.”

“My sister’s nuts over them.”

“Yeah…they’re a good group for kids, but I guess lots of adults like ‘em too.”

“Why not you?”

“More into rock, Latin stuff…I don’t like the over production on their albums too much. But it’s fun music.”

“Don’t let Nick hear you say that.”

“I’ll say it to his face…I have a feeling he feels the same way anyway…that’s why he’s doing this solo thing now. To get his own stuff out there, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was guessing too…anyway…I’m ready for the next page.”

“Okay…pg. 24…” Solana flipped the paper open and they both gawked at the length of the article. “Dear God. Oooh…look at him singing here. I was at this show!”

“Are they fun, the shows?”

“Oh yeah…high energy. They’re lots of fun.”

“I’ve never been to any concert.”

“Some day. You’ll get to one.”

They started reading again, gasping, tsking, shaking their heads at the things they learned, the money being thrown around without any consideration for individuals. It was a lousy life to lead. And she began to understand some of the fear he spoke of on the beach. It was all making sense.

“Why did they put up with this crap?”

“I have no idea…the benefits must outweigh the cost. I can’t imagine this much stress, especially at his age.”

“He started when he was my age, Miss Romero. There’s no way I could deal with this. I don’t even understand it!”

“He probably didn’t either…god.” She went back to the article and finished it, falling quiet at the final words printed there. It cut her like a knife.

Mr. Azoff is unconcerned with the current debate over tensions between the band and Mr. Carter. "Whether Nick is in the band or not, it doesn't frighten me," Mr. Azoff said. "The Eagles changed members three times, and it didn't hurt their career."

How cold and callous. No wonder Nick was so afraid, although lately…he’d not been acting it. But, who did he have to talk to about it all? Did he have someone he could trust, that would understand, provide support and sound advice? From the sounds of this article, it was unlikely. And it infuriated her.

Just as Ben sat back, having finished reading, the door to her room creaked open, a tussled blonde head peeking in.

“Oh now, see…I’m jealous.”

“And why’s that? You got to sleep in!”

“You left me for another woman!” Nick put his hand on his hip and flipped his “hair” back in a sign of feminine jealousy.

“Well, hell…look at her, Nick…she’s prettier than you in the morning! What do you expect?”

Ignoring the look on Solana’s face, because it was too early to figure out, he played along with Ben. “Yes, you do have a point. Much prettier.”

Ben fell quiet and glanced down at the paper in front of him, wanting to continue playing, but suddenly not feeling capable.

“What’s the matter guys? You look like someone just killed your puppy dog.”

Solana plopped the paper on the table, keeping the section with the Backstreet article on top. “I’m taking a shower…I need to think.”

“Oh…kay…” Nick looked down at the newsprint in front of him, still unsure as to why he was suddenly the victim of a first class pity party. Ben had disappeared into their room to get dressed and now Solana was locking the bathroom door…what the hell was going on?

And then he saw it. “Lost boys? Oh Jesus.”

Nick blew on his coffee and sat down, reading over his mug, flinching as the hot liquid touched his lips. Why he liked this shit, he never knew. Had to have it though, or the day just didn’t start right.

Not that coffee was going to fix the funky start to this one. This article was…well, it was sadly dead on accurate. Nick read through it quickly, skimming over some of the details because he’d lived them for ten years. Why read about it? But, he finally got Ben and Lani’s mood. And as awful as it was to read these words, he was more moved at how it seemed to be hitting them.

He tossed the paper aside and leaned back in the chair, trying to ignore Tony’s snoring. That man could make more noise…

Finally, Ben and Lani unearthed from their caves at the same time. You’d have thought they choreographed it. Unfortunately, the pathetic looks they had left with were still there. Time to do some damage control.

Lani tried to busy herself by getting immersed in the room service menu. “Anyone hungry?”

“Yep…starving. We can go downstairs to eat. I’m sick of being holed up here.”

“Oh, yeah…okay. Should we wake Tony?”

“He’ll get up…lemme shower real quick and we’ll go.”

Solana kept looking at the newspaper and back at Nick, hoping he’d say something and sighing with frustration when he wouldn’t. Ben just pretended to play a video game on mute. He wasn’t doing very well.

“Guys, look. The article. It sucks, but…it’s my life. It’s really okay.”

“But Nick, what they said at the end…that manager dude…he doesn’t even care if you come back or not!” Lani, the woman who all these months had been nothing less than a pillar of strength was actually standing in the middle of the room in a bathrobe and tears. She was really worried…and it blew Nick away.

“Lani…come here.”

“No. You can’t sweet talk your way out of this. What’s going on?”

“I’m not trying to…why are you crying?”

“Because…because…” She plopped down in a chair across the table from Nick and wrapped her bathrobe more tightly around her. “Because I care about you, Nick. And it seems like these people who you’ve given your life to…well, it just sounds like they don’t.”

“I don’t think they don’t care. They’re just…angry with me.”

“Why? Because you’re following a dream?”

“Because they think my timing sucks. They think I undermined them with the management stuff.”

“Did you?”

“No, not intentionally anyway. I never though we’d leave our management…I really didn’t. Kevin wanted to stay and what he says usually goes.”

“That had to get old too.”

“Well, yeah…it did. But this time, I went with it. Kwatz came and talked to me, offered me a deal and hell, I’m not fool. I took it. Saved me a lot of grief, you know? Only…” He ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward to the table resting his head in his hand. “…only it added grief instead.”

“Why can’t they see that?”

“I have no idea. They knew I wanted to do this. I’ve never been quiet about it.”

“So you didn’t intentionally betray them?”

Nick’s eyes shot up to her, wanting to make sure she totally understood this. “Absolutely not, Lani. I love them.”

“And they love you?”

“Well, that’s what I’m not so sure about anymore. It was obviously a bit one sided.”

They sat quietly for a few moments, soaking in what he was saying. She took his hand in hers and gently rubbed his knuckles under her thumb. “And you’re okay with that, or just being cocky about it so it doesn’t hurt so much?”

Man, she didn’t pull any punches, did she? And at the moment, he was glad. He’d ignored this for too long. “Right now, I’m okay with it. I did the cocky route already. You know that. And…it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Yeah, I’m sure…it hurt like hell.”

“No, I mean that you’re okay now.”

“Lani, I’ve never been more sure about something. I’m doing the right thing. And if they’re going to piss and moan about it…then let them piss and moan. I gave them 10 years of my life and now…I just want a chance to have a voice, you know?”

“Yep. I know. I just…it just seems so hurtful. You guys pull off this brotherhood to the public…”

“And it’s not so brotherly, is it?”

“Obviously not.”

“That’s why I’ve clung to Ben and…”

She looked up to him, hair still dripping from her shower and skin glowing from the sun shining in the room. She was radiant. “…and?”

“…and you. I’m finding a new family now, and really…I’m okay, Lani.”

“You weren’t so sure just a few months ago on the beach.”

“Things change. Priorities change. I’m doing this for me and I’ve never felt better.”

And somehow she believed it. His eyes didn’t lie and all she saw there was peace. She didn’t quite understand it, but figured it really wasn’t for her to understand. She had just been a fan…a cursory one at that. So all of the public image of brotherly love and unity was all she knew with these five guys. Now…now she could see it was just that. A public image. And as much as it sucked…she liked the man sitting in front of her too.

He was okay.

He stood and offered his hand to her, asking her to stand, wanting nothing more than to yank that fool robe off of her, carry her into the bedroom and have his way with her, make all the achiness go away. But, alas…that wasn’t going to happen. Ben was here, Tony was snoring and they still had that…court thing…hanging over their heads. Her concern moved him though and he didn’t know how to show his appreciation.

Then, it hit him.

“You guys wanna come to the studio today?”

“Yeah, Ben’s been looking forward to it.”

“And you?”

“Of course…I want to see you work.”

“Well, we might be able to arrange that. I’m done recording, but maybe we can set up some tracks or something…just fool around.”

“I’d like that. Go shower and we’ll go, huh?”

“Yeah…go kick Tony’s couch. Tell him I sent ya’.”

“Okay, you guys sit here. I’m goin’ inside the booth. I want you to hear something.”

Nick was like a little boy at Christmas, showing the visiting grandparents all of his treasures. He had taken Solana and Ben on a full studio tour, introducing them to anyone who showed the least bit of interest, pointing out equipment he’d used, rooms he’d worked in. He even showed them broom closets and bathrooms.

But now, he was getting downright jittery. He made sure they were seated and eyeballed the gentleman sitting at the soundboard. “You have it ready?”

“Yep…we’re ready to roll. Get in there.”

Nick stepped in the booth and smacked on the headphones, disappearing behind the large microphone. He flicked it with his fingers, looking to the tech for an okay on sound.

The large, bearded man pushed a button and leaned into a small microphone on the board. “You’re good, Nick. You ready?”

“Yeah…guys…maybe this will explain things a bit from this morning, okay?”

Knowing he couldn’t hear them from inside, they gave him two thumbs up and the music began. A nice, almost Fleetwood Mac feel. And then he opened his mouth and his heart and sang.

I want to thank you
For all the things you’ve done.
But most for choosing me to be the one.

Ben and Solana looked at each other and questioned with their eyes. “You or me?”

It’s funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believe in.

Solana shrugged and they looked back to Nick, holding each other’s hand, touched at this expression of his feelings. Nick saw the exchange and made sure they understood with eye contact and the standard hand gestures that it was for both of them.

The world on the outside’s trying to pull me in,
But they can’t touch me
Cuz I got you.

If the song continued, and it did, Solana and Ben didn’t hear it. They were stunned into their own private place where only the rhythm of the music continued in their heads. Finally, as the song ended, silence became louder than their thoughts and their trance was broken. Solana tapped the gentleman on the shoulder. “How do we talk to him?”

“Push this button right here and talk into the mic.”

“May I?”

He got up and gave her a seat at the huge board. It was overwhelming, but she kept her eyes on the one button he’d shown her. Nick was busy putting the headphones back, and snooping around the small room for something.

“Nick?”

He heard her quiet voice in the headphones and put them back on, turning to the window. “Yeah?” He was noticeably nervous, afraid maybe he’d stepped over a line by sharing how much these two people really meant to him. Every time he’d sung this song for recording purposes, he had visions of Solana and Ben. They had changed his life…and he hopefully had impacted theirs. It was their song to each other. At least in his heart, anyway.

“Thank you. Very much.”

He looked to her and glanced back at Ben who was looking down at the floor, unable to pick his gaze from where it landed as the depth of the words hit him. Someone really cared about him. Someone who didn’t need to, who wasn’t required to. Ben knew it all along, but now…he knew it.

“You’re welcome. I meant every word, Lani.”

“I know…and uh, so did we. Now get out here. I need a hug.”

He was going to let Ben play around on the drums for awhile, finally finding a decent pair of sticks back in the corner. But a hug? Okay, plans can change. He tossed the headphones onto the stool and ran out of the room, wrapping his arms around Solana and then Ben as he joined the huddle.

“You get it now? It just doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, I get it. And it does, but…it matters differently.”

“Okay. I’ll buy that.” Nick kissed the top of both of their heads and pulled back to look at them. “You ready to see New York City?”

“Yes…let’s go.”

“Hold up, hold up, hold up. Wait just a cotton pickin’ minute.” Nick pulled on Ben and Solana’s arms, halting their quick pace down Broadway.

“What?”

“You, Mr. Casey…”

“What!?”

“You haven’t asked for a smoking break since you got here…what’s up with that?”

Ben shrugged and stated as simply as he would have at reporting the weather, “I quit.”

“What!? When!?”

“About a month ago, genius. You just now noticed?” Ben started walking again, keeping his focus on all of the huge billboards and buildings he’d always see on TV and the movies. Now he was really here. He couldn’t believe it.

“Well, yeah…I never let you smoke around me.”

“Nope. Erin said she didn’t like kissing an ashtray, so…I quit.”

Nick cracked up. Solana cracked up. Ben stopped walking again wondering what was so damned funny. “WHAT!?”

“Get used to it, bud…that’s the first of a million things you’ll give up for a woman.”

“Oh great…you sayin’ I’m pussy whipped?”

“I’m not sayin’ nuttin’.” Nick kept walking a few steps ahead, making sure Tony was nearby. Every few steps though, he’d turn around to Ben and Solana and ‘meow’ like a cat.

“Stop it! I’m glad I quit!” Ben couldn’t hide the giggle from his attempt at anger. He knew it, Nick was right. Not that he regretted it at all. Erin was good for him. Smoking wasn’t.

“Okay, where we headed now?” Solana wrapped an arm around Ben and encouraged him to go with her to sneak up to Nick. When they got just close enough, they took advantage of his oblivious state. She gently stuck a foot in his step and tripped him, causing him to plow into a very stern looking businessman.

“Oh shi-…god. I’m sorry.” He whipped around to his innocent looking companions. “You know…I think…” He stopped and pushed them ahead of him. “…that you guys need to lead. You’re dangerous. Don’t make me separate you.”

“Party pooper.” Solana stuck out her tongue and kept walking. She loved this. She wasn’t the mom, she wasn’t the grown up, but she wasn’t the kid either. She was just…Lani. It had been too damned long. Playful. She missed being playful.

“Stick that thing out again and I’ll grab it.”

“Okay, you two…where the hell are we going? It’s hot out here.” Ben was being the grown up. Go figure.

“You wanna grab a cab and head to the World Trade Center Site?”

At just the thought, they stopped walking. Without brakes lights. So, of course, Nick plowed into them. “You know, we could just slip into one of these theaters and get paid for this routine.”

“Oooh, Broadway! Let’s go!” Solana stepped into the street and hailed a cab with one hip swivel. A cab van no less so everyone would have room.

“How the hell did you do that?” Nick pushed Tony into the van first and Ben next to him, sliding into the back seat with Solana.

“Gotta have Latino hips, baby.” She scooted her hip over and bopped his. “Ben? Do you have my camera?”

“Yup…in my bag here.”

“Where to, people?”

“Oh…World Trade Center, please.”

As the cab traveled closer to the site, the foursome grew more silent, realization hitting as to what they were about to see.

“I’ll drop you off at the ticket booth here…you’ll have to walk the rest of the way.”

“That’s good, thanks.” Nick passed a twenty up front and bopped Ben on the head when he pretended to pocket it instead of giving it to the driver. “Pass it up, dweeb.”

“Yeah, yeah…thanks, man.”

Everyone piled out of the van, they got their tickets for the viewing platform and they silently walked closer and closer to the site. As they approached, they stopped cold, seeing a building peeking out of the area with a flag hanging from it. Underneath was a banner. Ben read it aloud.

We Will Never
Forget Them

We Will Never
Forget You

Love
The WTC Families

“Have you been here before?” Solana took hold of Nick and Ben’s hands as they approached the walkway to the viewing platform, smiling at Tony who didn’t seem to mind being the outsider.

“Yeah…but it didn’t look like this at all…still cleaning up and stuff.”

“Where were you when you found out?” Ben never talked about Sept. 11th too much, like most kids his age. He freaked out the day it happened, got bored out of his gourd talking about it in school and then sort of left it alone. Now, there was no ignoring it. The tragedy was too obvious. He was regretting his half assed attitude about it all.

“Sleeping in Toronto. We had just been in Boston and some of us went on that night…so I was already across the border.”

“Boston!? Jesus. Didn’t one of the planes come from there?” Solana dropped Nick’s hand and grabbed onto the railing, leaning in to see as much as she possibly could.

“Two…yeah. Brian’s wife was supposed to be on one of ‘em…and one of our crew members was.”

“Oh God…I had no idea.”

“Yup. He was going home to be with his wife who was having a baby…she had it…oh, two or three days later.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“Wasn’t a lot of fun for us; I can’t imagine what she went through.”

“No kidding. I was at work and Barry’s wife called. We just closed up shop, picked up our kids from school and day care and went home. I didn’t come out of the house for like three days.”

“I wish I could have done that. I wanted to be with my family so bad…it was nuts. But, we had shows and were in Canada…so we kept going.”

“Do you regret that now?”

“Yes and no. I mean, on one hand, it was just a bitch to do you know? None of us dealt with it well at all. We wanted to hold our families too, but yet, it’s like we all needed to perform. The fans, the crew…everyone needed some life.”

“Yeah…how’d they deal with it in school, Ben?”

“We have closed circuit TV, so we watched news all day. Some moms picked up their kids, some kids ditched school…I just couldn’t stop watching TV. It was like a damned magnet.”

“Yep…we did that all day at the hotel too. Just stared at those images over and over and over again. My brother was here…saw it happen.”

“No way…oh my god! How old is he again?”

“He was thirteen then. He and mom rented a car and flew outta here like nobody’s business. Drove all the way to Florida.”

“Smart mama. I’d have run like the wind.”

No more words were shared as they walked around the platform individually, Solana taking pictures, Ben closing his eyes to shut it out, all of them soaking in the atmosphere, the depth of what happened here, and what it meant for them now.

As if choreographed, they met on the walkway and headed back to the street, stopping now and again to look at flowers, reading poetry and letters written on all sorts of papers, some fresh, some bleeding and running from previous rains.

Surreal. Scary. Holy. Hellish. Cursed and yet somehow…blessed.

They made their way back to the hotel, still quiet, still deep in thought, and stopped by a street vendor to get a famous New York hotdog before heading upstairs.

It had been a good day. As Nick let the others in the room, he had to smile to himself. Yes, he was gaining a new family. One with no expectations other than he be himself…he share himself…he love himself. Because they returned the same. Themselves. It was so easy.

“Are you being good for Katy?”

“Sí, Mami. I being good. Are you?”

Solana giggled and held the phone between her ear and shoulder, pouring drinks for her traveling companions. She was having a ball, but desperately missed her daughter. This was the longest she’d ever been away from her and it hadn’t hit her until they returned from their traipsing around that afternoon how much she just wanted to hold her. But, it would have to wait for another day or two. “I being good, too.”

“Can I talk to Nicky?”

“Yeah…he’s right here. I’ll talk to you tomorrow and be home Monday, okay?”

“Sí, Mami. Adios.”

“Adios, mi bebé. Te amo.” She tapped Nick on the shoulder to hand him the phone. “Your girlfriend wants to speak to you.”

“Oh, okay…” He got up from the floor after blowing up his character on the video game and took the phone and drink from Solana. “Thanks…Hola, Rosalie.”

“Hola, Nicky. Hablas Español hoy.”

“Ah, no Rosalie. I’m tired. You speak Spanish. I’ll do English, okay?”

She sighed and he could hear her shift the phone from ear to ear. He plopped on the couch, signaling Tony to go take his place at losing to Ben in his game and smiled, imagining her sitting on Solana’s overstuffed chair, legs crossed, pink underpants showing and curls pressed against the floral fabric. He suddenly felt homesick himself.

“Okay, Nicky. Lo pierdo.”

“Aw, I miss you too. We’ll be home soon.” Tony looked back at Nick amazed he was having a conversation with this little girl…in Spanish no less.

Nick shot him a “what?” look and flipped him off. He loved surprising people…this was kind of fun.

“Cuántos días?”

“Dos. Two days.”

“Okay. Quiero un abrazo.”

“You do, huh? Well, I’ll give you a big hug when we get back, okay?”

“Sí.” Rosalie yawned and groaned. “Durmiente ahora.”

“Okay, go to bed and we’ll be home soon.”

“Te amo, Nicky. Oh... Bese a Mami para mí, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Te amo, Rosalie.”

Nick clicked off the phone and tossed it on the coffee table, feeling 6 eyes on him. Looking at his companions he flopped back on the couch. “What!?”

Ben and Tony went back to their game, shaking their heads. Solana, however, walked over to him and stood in front of him. “You gonna tell me why everyone’s looking at me?”

“No.” She bent down and cupped his face in her hands, tilting his head forward so she could kiss his forehead. “You’re just neat, Mr. Carter.” She turned and disappeared in the bathroom, leaving him breathless and speechless.

Then, he felt four eyes on him. “What, god dammit!?”

And in unison…without another thought or moment between them, Ben and Tony told him.

“Meow.”

“Oh yeah, baby…and proud of it.”

Nick rolled over in bed and bumped into a skinny log. Named Ben. Stinkin’ kid…none of this was supposed to happen. He was supposed to do his time with the kid, go about his business and live his life. He wasn’t planning on change. On maturity. On…caring.

He looked at the clock and groaned, feeling much more awake than the 4 am time should allow. He checked on Ben one more time and got up, hoping a trip to the bathroom would be enough that he could go back to sleep.

As he stepped into the living room, he startled, seeing something move in the shadows.

“Hello?”

“Nick?”

“Lani? What are you doing up?” He walked toward her, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the deeper darkness in the room.

“I can’t sleep, dammit. I sent Tony into my room so I could pace or whatever.”

“Aw, I’m sorry…hang on, I’ll be right back out.”

“You don’t have to stay up with me. I do this all the time when I travel.”

“It’s okay…I’m feeling kinda restless too.” Before she could argue, he closed the bathroom door. She didn’t want him to stay up too. She knew from experience that she was probably up for the day. Homesickness sucked. Especially when you were really having fun anyway.

Nick came back and sat down in the chair across the table from her, rubbing his head, trying to decide if he was awake or asleep. “You okay?”

“Yeah…I just do this shit all the time. Makes me mad.”

“What exactly is it you do?” He looked up to her and could see she was shaking. “Lani…hon…what’s up?” He took her hand in his. It was cold and clammy.

“I do this…shake like a leaf. My stomach’s all screwed up. The more I try to relax the more spazzed out I get.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. I’ve always called it homesickness. I did it as a kid…still do it as a grown up. I was too tired last night I guess.”

“Yuck. Can I help?”

“Go back to bed. I’ll just be up for the day. I’ll be okay.”

He felt her body shiver and he grabbed her hand more tightly. “No. Come on…we need to calm you down. Did anything help before?”

“Um, yeah…but, I dunno.”

“What?”

“My ex used to rub my head until I fell asleep. That’s about the only thing that worked.”

“We can do that…we’ll kick Tony out again…or Ben.”

“Let Ben be. And no on Tony…he’s put up with enough with us.”

“Lani, trust me. He’d sleep if he was tied to the top of a tour bus. Probably won’t even remember you moving him. You need to sleep.”

She shivered again, from the inside out and moaned. “God, I hate this.”

“Then let’s fix it. Come on.”

“Let me stop in the bathroom one more time…how attractive, huh?”

“You sick?”

“No, uh…just…go move Tony. I’ll be in in a few.”

As she got up, he squeezed her hand and sat there for a few more minutes, thinking through a million things. It’d be a miracle if he got back to sleep too. His album, the group, Ben, Lani, life, career, future, past…it all jumbled up in his head and spelled one thing right now. Happiness. It made no sense, but there it was. Happiness.

“You still out here?”

“Yeah, sorry…got to day dreaming.”

“Well, you should be dreaming, but in your own bed. I’ll be okay, Nick.”

He saw her shake again and got up, taking her hand in his, guiding her to her room. “Nope. We’re gonna get you back to sleep first.”

“You’re stubborn.”

“Yes, I am. You’re gonna have to tell me what to do.”

She climbed in bed and patted the spot next to her. “Come sit…”

He propped the pillows up against the headboard and slid in, holding the blanket up for her as she laid down beside him, turning her back to him. “Now, tell me where to lay so you can reach without it hurting your arm, okay?”

“Okay…scoot out to the edge a bit more and we’re fine.”

She scooted over and snuggled into the pillow deeper, sighing as her body shook just as it had settled. “Dammit.”

“Homesickness, huh?” He rubbed her head gently, pulling her long, wavy locks away from the side to the back, rubbing her neck and back as he got to the end of the strands. She was still shaking every few moments, but he noticed her breathing was getting a bit more regular.

“Yeah…how do you do it?”

“I guess I got used to it. I didn’t used to travel well though.”

“No?”

“Nope. I always ended up curled up in bed with Brian when I was younger. Probably drove him nuts.”

“I doubt it. He was your friend.”

Was. Yeah. Damned ugly word for only having three letters in it. But the ‘was’s’ of life weren’t important anymore. Right here were the is’s, the now’s, the will be’s. The was’s would help him along the way, but his focus was now. And right now, he couldn’t imagine being in a better place.

“Am I doing this right?” Her hair was so soft, the waves in it just like the soft ones that rolled into his gulf coast beach at home. Slight, even. Beautiful.

“Yeah, it’s perfect. Feels nice.”

“Good. You missing Rosalie?”

“Yes…a lot. She drives me crazy when I’m with her and when I’m not…”

“You go crazy.”

“Exactly. Little brat.”

“Oh, the little brat asked me to do something, by the way.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah…” He leaned down and softly, slowly kissed her temple, letting his lips linger a few more seconds than he probably should have. As she rolled back to meet his eyes, their breath caught and Nick quickly sat back up and patted her shoulder. “From Rosalie.”

“Thank you, Rosalie.”

She rolled back to her side, Nick continuing to rub her hair, watching the rise and fall of her body as she breathed, letting himself relax as her shaking seemed to decrease. He stopped as she shifted onto her belly and moaned softly, then quickly went back to work rubbing the shakes away.

“Goodnight, Nick.”

“Goodnight, Lani.”

And she was out. Now what was he supposed to do? He kept rubbing her hair, loving the feel of it in his fingers, the softness of her neck when his fingers would slip deep enough into the thick mane and brush it. But he was getting tired and dammit, he didn’t want to have to get up and walk across the suite again.

So, he risked it. What the hell? He was already in her bed.

He slid down into the covers, keeping his back to her and snuggled in, trying to relax and failing miserably. Until…

…she snuggled back against him, reached back and patted his hip with her hand. “Thank you for staying.”

“Thank you for letting me.”

She moaned a peaceful sigh again and cuddled into her pillow, giving him permission to do the same. Happiness. Yes…definitely happiness.

Nick stumbled out of Lani’s room after a good number of hours of excellent sleep, only to have the judgmental eyes of Ben and Tony on him. He decided to play ignorant.

“’Morning.”

“’Morning, Mr. Carter…nice Mr. Carter.” Ben gulped down the last of his orange juice and tried not to snicker. He thought he had all the answers now, didn’t he?

“’Morning Mr. Casey…you guys eat already?”

“Yup. We were hungry. You, uh…get enough sleep?”

“Finally, yeah…Lani couldn’t sleep.”

“Mmmm…wonder why?”

“Because she was homesick and got all jittery. So, I went in and helped calm her down.” Nick walked over to Tony’s plate and thwapped him on the head. “You didn’t leave me any bacon?”

“Nope…you were too busy, uh…calming down Lani.”

“Oh for God’s sake you guys. You need to get laid or something.” Realizing he was talking to a thirteen year old as well, he stopped and retracted. “Well, okay…you don’t need to get laid…never mind. I’m taking a shower.”

He shook his head at the snickers that followed him and slammed the door shut in mock anger. He knew they were probably kidding…and if not, he’d have some explaining to do with Ben. The truth was, as wonderful as it was waking up and seeing her there, he had to get the hell out of the room before he did something they’d both regret. She never moved when he left and he was grateful. Had she opened up those chocolate brown eyes, he’d have been a goner.

Their day went on with no more mention of the morning arrangements as they did some more sight seeing, this time to shops and stores…more of Lani’s style. The boys were bored, but made the best of it. They were together. It was fun. Even in Macy’s.

That night everyone actually stayed in their “assigned” beds and slept well. Which was good…it was time to go home. Time to cash in on Rosalie hugs and gear back up for school again. And work. And life.

“You gonna go out ahead of me again?” Nick tossed his toiletries into his bag and zipped it up. Tonight he’d actually get to spit in his own sink. Ah, the simple pleasures of life.

“It doesn’t matter. They know we’re with you now. They asked me for a friggin’ autograph yesterday.” Neither Ben nor Solana really liked the fans hanging at the hotel. Nick had been having them leave first so no one would know they were together, but fans are smart. They figured it out in due time.

“You didn’t give them one, did you?”

“Nope. Thanks to Tony here…we got away okay.” Solana nudged Tony’s arm and gave him a wink.

“Good…you don’t need that crap. How do you wanna do it today?”

“We can leave together. No sense making Tony go down twice. You okay with that, Ben?”

“Huh?” He looked up from his video game, totally oblivious to the happenings around him. “Oh, yeah…whatever. Just tell me where to go.”

Nick shook his head and looked to Ben’s empty bag, clothes still strewn all around it. Kids. “You packed, man? We’re gonna miss our flight.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just let me save the world here first.”

“Ben. Now.” Nick grabbed the remote and showed it to Ben. “Don’t make me pull Dad shit on you, man. Let’s go.”

“I’ll go down and see how bad it is…you’ll be ready in 5?” Tony went to the door and tossed the newspaper on the table. “…and don’t read that today, huh?”

“No, no newspaper today…Ben. Get up now.” Nick clicked the TV off, making Ben lose his game completely.

“Aw, Jesus, man…you could have let me save it!”

“You could have been packed and ready to go when we told you, too. Now get moving.”

Ben slammed the controller on the floor and grabbed his bag, shoving clothes in it. “You pulled the dad shit on me anyway, didn’t you?”

“Your choice, Ben…go brush your teeth, too.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Ben finished storming around and Solana and Nick tried busying themselves so they wouldn’t laugh at the kid. Nick was enjoying it a bit too much. For too many years he had been the one storming around because one of the other guys had come in and interrupted a damned good game with, “We gotta go.” Time for the tables to turn…it was too much fun.

Tony strolled back in, licking his lips from swiping a muffin on the breakfast buffet. “Okay, there’s just a small handful down there…all adult. We should be fine to say ‘hi’ and go…no pics.”

“Are we that late?”

“Yeah, asshole. Plane leaves at 1:15, not 1:45.”

“Oh shit…Ben!” Nick went into the bathroom where Ben was brushing his teeth. “Hurry up, Dawg…we’re really late now.”

“Damn, okay…”

They all scurried out of the room and out of the hotel, Ben and Solana sneaking past the few fans waiting out front without too much commotion. Nick wasn’t that lucky, of course. He signed without saying much, to hopefully dissuade them from anything lengthy.

“Nick…could we bother you for a pic?”

“Uh, I’m really in a hurry, but uh…” He looked up at Solana who was waiting at the van…she had an odd look on her face. Pride? Desire? No…couldn’t even go there. “But, uh, I can do all four of you at once.”

Ben suddenly disappeared behind the van and Solana buried her face in her hands. He looked back up to them, silently asking, “What’d I say?” and got no help at all.

“Oooh…okay, can, uh…can she take the pic?” The tallest of the bunch handed a camera to Solana who stopped giggling long enough to take over as photographer.

“Short one in front…the rest of you come here.” Nick held out an arm to each side, bringing the ladies in close.

“Okay, you guys…say ‘Justin’s Timber’s a Fake’!” Solana put the camera up to her face and saw no one looking at her. They were all doubled over in laugher, Nick resting his head on the shorter woman in front of him. She quickly snapped the goofy shot and waited for everyone to quit giggling.

“I can’t take it if you aren’t looking at me…” She giggled too and aimed the camera. “Mr. Carter. Your shoulders are still twitching. Hold still.”

“Ahem. Sorry.”

“One…two…” she snapped the picture. “Three. There you go ladies…have a good day!” Just like a pro, Solana snuck into the van and locked the doors shut as soon as Nick closed it up.

“You are a brat. Justin’s Timber!?”

“You are an idiot.”

“What’d I do!?”

Ben started laughing again, shaking his head in disbelief that Nick had totally missed it. “Did you hear yourself, man?”

“No…what’d I say?”

In a mocking voice, Ben, Solana and Tony all recounted. “I can do all four of you at once!”

“Oh shit, I did not.”

“Oh yes, you did…I don’t think they caught it though.”

“God, I hope not. It’ll be all over the internet that I propositioned four broads.”

“Well, if not, I’ll put it up there for you.” Solana leaned her head on Nick’s shoulder and looked up batting her eyes. “I like a man with drive.”

“Oh shut up…god, is it time to get you guys home, yet?”

Tony parted ways from the others at the airport and Solana took Nick and Ben home. Everyone was beat and Ben took full advantage and fell asleep on the way. As they pulled up to his house, Nick leaned back and woke him up.

“Hey, buddy…you’re home.”

“Huh?” Ben sat up quickly, forgetting where he was and rubbing his eyes to try to focus again. “Oh jeez. I fell asleep.”

“Yep…you have your bag back there or is it in the trunk?”

“It’s here. I’m good. Thanks guys. It was great.”

“Yeah…I’ll definitely fly you out during my tour and stuff, okay?”

He climbed out of the car and leaned in through Nick’s window to continue their conversation. “Really? Are you serious!?”

“Hell yeah, man. We’ll get you out on a weekend or two. No missing school.”

“Awesome!” He reached in and gave Nick’s neck a hug. “Thanks again. Will we meet up before you take off again?”

“Yeah, middle of the week maybe?”

“Sounds good. I’ll talk to…” Ben looked up across the street and stopped talking. Stopped breathing. Stopped everything.

“Ben…you okay?” Nick’s eyes followed to where Ben’s had landed and saw…nothing much. “What’s up, man?”

“Ben…you okay?” Solana leaned over to look through the window, noticing Ben slump against her car. “Nick…”

Nick got out and shook Ben’s arm. “Dude…what’s up?”

Ben rolled his head back in the direction of his original glance, pointing across the street. “See that bike over there?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s Erin’s house.”

“Uh-huh…”

“And…it’s Steve’s bike.”

“Hey, Ben! Why didn’t you call last night?”

It would have helped Ben if she had found an ugly pill or something while he was gone. But, no. Erin looked more adorable and irresistible than usual. Naturally. But, he couldn’t flinch. He kept himself busy in his locker, rearranging books that didn’t need rearranging. “You had a visitor.”

“Oh…yeah. You got home early then, huh?”

Ben closed his locker and looked at her. “You were timing the visit so I’d miss it? What the hell, Erin?”

“No…Ben. Please don’t make a big deal out of this.”

“Who said I’m making it a big deal? I just told you why I didn’t call.” He started walking toward class, trying to keep up his wall of anger, but feeling like it was slipping away. He didn’t want Steve to have this control over him. He didn’t mind Erin having it. He wasn’t sure who was in control at the moment…all he knew…it wasn’t him.

“Ben, please.” She reached out and grabbed him arm, urging him to stop and turn around. He did with every ounce of frustration showing.

“What, Erin? I came home, I was tired, Steve was over there, and Mom was a grouch because she started her job today. I just didn’t call.”

“Fine. Can we meet after school?”

“Will your dad let you?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“But it might hurt you…or me.”

“Eh, he can kiss off. That’s why Steve was over anyway.”

“Huh?” Ben started walking again, this time with her instead of ahead of her. He much preferred it that way.

“Yeah, he ran into Steve at the grocery or something. Friggin’ invited him over. Like he’s matchmaking me or something.”

“You’re thirteen years old! What the hell?”

“Yeah, no kidding, huh?”

“God, he must really hate me.”

“He doesn’t know you, Ben.”

“He doesn’t want to know me, Erin.” They stopped at her room and he finally reached out to touch her, his heart softening to the pain that had seeped in when he saw Steve’s bike the night before. “Maybe he’s right…maybe you’d be better off without me.”

“NO! Ben…dad’s an idiot. It’s all about money to him. He doesn’t have any, so he’s always…” The bell rang, and they both glared at its incessant clanging. “God…meet me after 8th period, okay? Walk me home…kiss me…and…it’ll all work out.”

What he wanted was to kiss her now. But, that wasn’t looked real favorably upon, so…he just smiled. From his deepest place inside. And she knew. It was as good as a kiss. “Yeah, okay. Have a good afternoon.”

She squeezed his hand and disappeared into the room, leaving him feeling completely exhausted. Why hadn’t someone warned him how tiring women were?

“Amy! Get back here!” Kitty hopped up from her spot on the floor and chased after her little sister…right out the front door.

“Woah! Amy…where’d you come from?” Nick bent down and scooped up the diapered whirlwind, tossing her over his shoulder as she squealed.

“Oh, Nick! Hi…thanks. She’s walking one minute and running the next.”

“I guess. She can reach the handle?”

“No…the latch is busted. One push and she’s out. I’ve chased her three times this afternoon alone.”

Nick slid Amy down his front and held her at his hip. “You have to stay inside, girl.”

“No! Go out!”

“Mmm…Kitty wants you in.”

“No. Out.”

“Well, right now we’re going in. Where’s your brother, huh?”

Amy put her head on Nick’s shoulder and didn’t answer. Not that she had an answer anyway. If Amy had her way, she’d never have to talk. Everyone would talk for her.

“He’s over at Erin’s. Said he’d be back at 4:30.”

“Okay, I’m early…that’s cool.” He set Amy down, only to scoop her back up as she made a bee-line for the screen door again. “Amy. Come on. Where’s your dolly?”

Amy glanced around at all of her normal spots and not finding it, shimmied down from Nick’s arms and disappeared down the hall to get it. Score one for Nick. When she was out of sight, he closed the large wooden door. “I’d keep that closed ‘til you get the latch fixed.”

“Either that or just sit outside all night.”

“Whichever.”

“God knows when it’ll be fixed anyway.”

Jack and Liz heard Nick’s voice and ran in from the kitchen, happy for a diversion to their homework. “Hey guys…how’s school going?”

“Sucks.” Jack.

“Great!” Liz.

“That sounds about right. Lots of homework?”

“Yep. I have 15 math questions tonight. Come see.” Liz took Nick by the hand and dragged him into the kitchen. Jack sulked behind. He had 30 math questions. Oh to be in second grade again. Third grade sucked rocks.

“Why are you so pouty?” Nick tussled Jack’s hair as he slid into his chair.

“I dunno…just sick of homework and sick of Miss Happy over there.”

Miss Happy stuck out her tongue and went back to work. “Number 15…and I’m done. You know, Mr. Grouchy…” She bounced the eraser of her pencil on her lip, looking many years beyond her seven. Nick had missed her birthday. He made a quick mental note to take care of it on his next trip.

“What?”

“That if you spent less time being grouchy and more time doing homework, you’d be almost done by now.” She also talked beyond her seven years…smart little cookie.

“She’s got a point.”

“Oh, you’re no help.”

“Is it that hard?”

“No…I just wasn’t in the mood yet. I was liking summer.”

“Ah…that I get. Well, bud. Summer’s over. You’ve got cool clothes and a new teacher. Can’t all be bad.”

That made Jack smile…and big. He knew it was stupid, but having his own brand new clothes for the first time ever was the biggest thrill for him. He wore his new jeans everyday. Mrs. Casey couldn’t get the few pairs washed fast enough. He’d picked up a decent pair of older ones at the center’s sale, but they still laid under his bed unworn. “No, I guess it’s not. Wanna shoot hoops when I’m done?”

“If Ben’s not back yet, yeah…finish up.”

Liz finished her final problem and handed the paper to Nick to check it. “See if they’re right.”

He looked it over, finding it almost perfect. “Oops…missed one. Check your work and see if you find it.”

“I didn’t miss any!”

“Liz…yeah, ya’ did. No biggie. Just see if you can find it.” He put the paper back in front of her and rolled her pencil back to her.

“I never miss.” She did not like to be wrong. Especially in front of Jack. Especially in math in front of Jack.

“Mmm…well, stuff’s getting harder. You’re bound to miss now and again.”

“I never miss.” But, she looked. Reluctantly. She counted on her fingers, double checking her work and then…she saw it. “Oops. I missed.”

“Just one.”

“Yeah, but that would have made this a B. Poop.” She angrily erased her answer and fixed it, thanking Nick with her eyes. “I hate B’s.”

“Better than C’s.”

“Yes, but worse than A’s. I can get A’s…we all can.”

“Yep, you’re all smart.”

“So, what’d you miss, dweeb?” Jack was flying through his paper now that his attention was on it properly. He hated that math was so easy. He preferred English, but had to work on the writing part. He wanted to be good at that.

“5+3, dork.”

“Liz…5+3!? That’s a first grade problem!”

“I fixed it…I just forgot.”

Nick looked over at Jack’s paper and snickered. “Yeah, Jack…what’s 22-7?”

He looked down to where Nick was pointing and sheepishly back up at Nick. “It’s not 14 is it?”

“Nope…”

“Crap.” Jack erased his answer, ignoring his sister’s giggles. “Okay…22-7 is….is…15. Dang. I hate math.”

Just then the back door slammed open and Ben came tumbling in, out of breath, sweaty and covered in dust and grime.

Liz stuffed her paper into her backpack, looking up when she heard him panting and gasping for air. “Well, well…look what the cat dragged in.”

“Shut up…get me out of here Nick. Now.”

“Feel better?” Nick put down the newspaper and handed Ben a bottled water.

“Yeah, thanks for letting me shower here.” He slunk down into the couch, kicking his feet up on the arm.

“You forgot the bottom of your feet, putz.”

“No one sees ‘em.”

“I’m seein’ ‘em…you got grocery store feet, man…if you’re gonna swim in my pool, go clean ‘em.”

Ben got up and groused, heading back down the hall to the bathroom with Nick following behind. “Jeez, you’re worse than my mother.”

“No comment. How’s the new job goin’ anyway?” Nick sat on the edge of the tub and tossed Ben his washcloth.

“I dunno. She comes home tired, but she seems…” He soaped up and sat on the commode to wash, propping his feet up on Nick’s lap to dry. “I dunno. More like a mom, I guess. Helps Jack and Liz get ready for school, asks about homework…it’s weird.”

“Sounds normal.”

“I don’t know that kind of normal, man.” Ben tossed the wet washcloth back into the sink and wiggled his toes. “Better, Dad?”

Nick lifted them up and inspected, peeking between his toes. “Yep. That’ll do. Dinner first? Then swim?”

“Yeah…I’m hungry.” Ben got up and let Nick lead back to the living room.

“So what the hell happened anyway…what were you running from?”

“Erin’s dad.”

“What!?” Just like in New York, Nick stopped on a dime and Ben plowed right into him.

“Damn, man…brake lights.” He pushed him toward the phone. “Food first.”

“Always.”

“Ready…set…GO!” Nick and Ben pushed off the side of the pool and started swimming with all of their might. Three laps, free style. Loser had to load the dishwasher and take out the trash. They were practically fighting for their lives.

Nick started out ahead, having body length as an advantage, but Ben’s youth and speed finally took over at the second lap. He waited the few seconds he had in the lead at the edge with his hands clasped in front of him. Just as Nick surfaced, he welcomed him with a huge splash of water.

“You’re slow, old man!”

“Oh, you little shit!” Nick jumped up and dunked Ben under the water starting an all out wrestling water match. Where no one wins. Or loses. Ben finally slipped out of Nick’s arms and was able to hop out of the pool, escaping further retribution for his win.

“You still have to load the dishwasher, dude.”

“Yeah, yeah…now that you’ve killed me.” Nick fell back into the water in a last ditch effort to try to swindle his way out of the chores. It always worked on his sisters. Ben wasn’t so easy.

He waited until Nick resurfaced, finding their towels to dry off. “You’d better get back in shape if you’re gonna go on tour, old man!”

“Old man my ass…I’m tryin’.” Nick hopped out of the pool and grabbed a towel. “Are we done out here?”

“Yeah…thanks. I needed that. Get out some anger.”

“Yeah, on my ass!” They dried off and headed inside, continuing the wrestling with towel swats and slammed patio doors. It was all about avoiding what was on Ben’s mind. He’d get it out…if he wanted to. They’d learned a pattern with each other. And it was working. A little play, a little work, a little talk. All in due time.

Ben hopped onto a bar stool and watched Nick load the dishwasher. No way was he helping. He’d won fair and square. Besides, it was always a running bet he had with himself to see if the stuff would actually get clean. Nick rinsed nothing and overloaded the thing every time. It was a miracle more of his dishes didn’t break in there.

“So, uh…did you ever find out why Steve was at Erin’s the other night?”

“Yeah. Her dad invited him. Match making central over there.”

“Oh god…so she didn’t want him there either?”

Ben shrugged and started picking at his fingernails. “I dunno. She says she didn’t.”

“You don’t believe her?”

“I know I want to believe her.”

“What’d she tell you?”

“That her dad invited him, that she still is into me and not him…blah, blah, blah.”

“Does this have to do with you running home today?”

“Sorta.” Ben looked up to Nick who was standing over the dishwasher with one final glass in his hand and no where to stick it. “God, you are pathetic.” He got up and grabbed the glass out of Nick’s hand, rearranging a few things on the top shelf and finding a spot for it. “Grown man can’t load a dishwasher.”

“You saying I’m not a good housewife?”

“Among other things, yes…where’s the soap?”

“I got it…go back to your little throne over there, Mr. Clean.”

Ben hopped back on his stool after grabbing a bottled water out of the frig. “So, not only did he invite Steve over…he told Erin she’s not allowed to see me anymore.”

“What!? Why!?” Nick squirted the last of his detergent into the door of the dishwasher and slammed it shut. “Doesn’t he know what an ass Steve is?”

“Well…no. Erin doesn’t really know any of that stuff.”

“I thought she’d told you to stay away from him.”

“Well, she did…she just thinks he’s a dick, but…she doesn’t know what…I mean…she doesn’t know all about me either.”

“What’s to know?” Nick grabbed his own bottle of water and steered Ben back out to the patio. A gorgeous sunset was starting. No sense wasting it inside.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not. You’ve screwed up. You’re making it better and paying your debt. You’re also keeping it clean now. So, what’s to know?”

“Everything. But, I can’t tell her. She’d dump me.”

“Maybe.”

“Definitely. Anyway, so we’ve been sneakin’ around and he came home early…which is why I was running like a fiend.”

“She’s sneaking around with you and you’re questioning whether or not she’s still into you?”

Ben took a huge swig of water and shrugged. “She talks about Steve a lot. I guess they spent all last weekend together while we were in New York.”

“Oh. And dad’s all happy about it?”

“Thrilled. But yet…I dunno, Nick. I just want to be with her and it’s looking like I can’t.”

“Well, you know…sneaking around isn’t gonna help your point total with the dad.”

“But I want to be with her!” Ben couldn’t take sitting anymore, so he got up and started pacing, dragging his feet into the pool.

“I know…but…Ben, dads and their daughters…you can’t screw with them. It’s just not a game to mess with.”

He stopped and looked up to Nick. Surely he wasn’t hearing what he thinks he was hearing. “You saying I should just give up on her?”

“I’m saying maybe you need to keep it at school for right now.”

“No!” Ben dug his foot clear into the water and angrily kicked it out, splashing everywhere. “He’s not going to win!”

“He’s the parent, Ben. You aren’t in control of this one.”

Ben slunk down to the edge of the pool, turning his back on Nick and dangling his legs into the water, watching the ripples move away from him. “You just don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand? Explain it to me then.”

“Forget it.”

Nick got up and sat next to Ben, who proceeded to get up and move. “Ben, don’t pull this shit on me.”

“Pull what…you have no fucking clue what it’s like.”

“What what’s like? To not be able to get what you want…when you want it!?”

Ben looked across the pool to Nick, shock written all over his face. How could he not see how different their lives were? “Exactly, Nick. You’ve had everything handed to you…since you were my age. You get everything you want. You have no idea what it’s like. None!”

“You know, you’re right…partially.”

“Partially? Partially? Nick, look the fuck around you, man. You live in a goddamned mansion. You’re 22 years old, have traveled all over the world, have sold millions and millions of records, have fucked more women than I’ll ever look at…you’ve already filled all of your dreams and you don’t even break a goddamned sweat. You have NO idea what it’s like. None.”

“You think I don’t have dreams still, Ben? You think I’ve achieved everything I want to already?”

“What the hell else is there to achieve Nick? When is it enough?”

“Money does NOT define ‘enough’, Ben. Everything you’ve mentioned is work…money…career. And you’re right. I’ve been damned lucky. And I’ve worked my ass off for it too. No one handed this house to me on a silver platter. I’ve sacrificed a lot. Stuff I’ll never get back.”

“Cry me a friggin’ river.”

“I’m not looking for sympathy, Ben…cut the attitude.”

Silence fell as the sun sank beneath the horizon, both too angry to notice the gorgeous hues it was throwing into the sky. They sat unmoving but for the slightest kicks of their legs in the water. Finally, Ben broke the silence, angry he couldn’t stay…angry.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Nick thought about that one for a minute before answering. It wasn’t meant to be a loaded question, but it was. “No, I don’t think I have. Not looking backwards anyway.”

“Did you ever think you were?”

“Yeah…but it wasn’t love.”

Ben simply nodded and finally looked up into the sky, amazed something as ordinary as a sunset could make something so breathtakingly beautiful.

“I’m too young to be in love, aren’t I?”

“No. Not at how you define love now…it’ll change.”

“I love her, Nick. I don’t want to be without her. She makes me a better person.”

“No, you are a better person on your own. She just makes you feel like a better person.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No…it’s a really good thing. You do the same for me.”

“I do?”

“Yep. You make me want to be better…and remind me that I can do it.”

“Is that love?”

“Mmm…I dunno. Feels like it should be anyway.”

Ben thought for a moment before asking his next question. He had a feeling there wouldn’t be an answer for it, but…he had to ask. “Do you love Miss Romero?”

Now that was a loaded question. Nick looked down, surprised at how much he was blushing…that he didn’t have an answer. Not one he could share anyway. What the hell was love anyway? And how could he know when they had to keep everything so damned platonic? All he knew was his heart raced at the sound of her name, the thought of being with her, the memory of times together.

“You do, don’t you?”

“It’s complicated, Ben…I don’t understand a lot of what’s going on inside of me with that one.” He looked up to Ben, hoping he’d understand. “I know I care for her very much…she’s a great friend.”

“But…”

“But, I can’t be with her right now. Not the way I want to.”

“Yeah…”

“See, Ben…I get it. I can’t have what I want when I want it all the time.”

“No, I guess not…I don’t want to quit seeing her, Nick.”

“I know you don’t. But if you’re going to convince her dad that you’re the kid you say you are, then you have to respect his wishes. Even if they’re stupid.”

“They’re stupid.”

“I agree.”

“What if she ends up with Steve? I’d die.”

“No, you won’t. You’ll survive…because if she ends up with that putz…she was never yours to begin with.”

“Nice.”

“Better to know now…”

“You think Miss Romero will wait for you?”

“I don’t know…I hope so. Hell, I may meet someone too. Anything’s possible.”

“No…you guys are meant to be together.”

“I hope so, Ben. But, in the mean time, I’ve got to respect where she’s at right now.”

“And I need to with Erin, huh?”

“Yeah…trust her heart. If it’s yours, it’ll all come around.”

Ben nodded and got up, shaking his feet dry. “Can I ask you one more question?”

“Yep.”

“Could you take me home to get my school stuff…let me stay here tonight?”

“Sure…”

“And uh…” He looked down, embarrassed that he found so much comfort in what had become a routine for their nights together.

“My room?”

“Yeah…”

“You’d better hope I don’t get with Miss Romero, dude.” Nick raised his hand for Ben to grab and help him up.

“Why not?”

“Cuz that little party ends, man!”

“Aw, man…I thought we could make it a threesome!”

“Uh, no. I don’t share.”

“Open the door, doofus.”

Ben yanked on the handle a few more times and finally dropped his hand in defeat, looking back to Kitty. “What the hell?”

“Push the button…what’s the matt-“ She pushed the button to the latch and the door popped and opened easily. “What a minute…”

“How’d our door get fixed?” They walked in, looking at the screen like it just might attack, and plopped their book bags on the couch.

“No idea…was it still broken this morning?”

“Yeah, remember? Amy ran out butt naked before school.”

“Oh god, yes…how could I forget?”

“You got a lot of homework?”

“Not too bad, why?”

“Let’s go to the center and ask mom. We haven’t visited her there yet anyway.”

“Yeah…okay. Keep my mind off that blonde across the street.”

Kitty shook her head and ruffled her brother’s hair. “She’ll come around, Ben...”

“Maybe…”

“Hey…how’s the world’s best secretary?” Kitty was so proud of her mom. She didn’t even try to hide it.

“Kitty! Ben! Hi…I’m good. How was school?” Patty straightened up from the file cabinet to greet her visitors, fidgeting with her shirt. She still felt self-conscious about her weight and her clothes. She knew she didn’t look professional, but she was trying. Pound by pound. Just…a lot of pounds to dump.

“Eh, school.” Ben flopped on a chair and Kitty made herself at home by snooping around her mom’s office, opening containers of paper clips and rubber bands. Mom had a job. A real job. Anything was possible.

“What brings you here today?”

“Just thought we’d come by before Jack and Liz got home…did you know our front door was fixed?” Kitty picked up a manila folder and started snooping through it, but Patty yanked it from her hands, scolding with her eyes.

“Confidential, young lady…and how in the heck did our door get fixed???”

“Oh…we thought you’d know.”

“Nope. I’ve been here all day. It didn’t work this morning. Amy ran out again…I had to chase her in my underwear.”

“Oh no! Maybe the neighbors did it…sick of seeing our naked butts.”

“That’d motivate me!”

“Hey guys…come to see Mom work?” Solana peeked into the office winking at Ben. They had too many secrets between them now. Right. Wrong. Neither cared. It was fun.

“Yeah…someone fixed our front door and we thought she’d know.”

“Oh…a little gremlin did it.”

“You know!?”

Finally, realization dawned on Ben. “Wait a minute…Nick’s in LA again. He didn’t do it, did he?”

“Well, no, not personally. Can you see him fixing a screen door?”

“Not hardly.”

“No…but, he arranged for it, I think. But uh…shhh…I didn’t tell you anything.”

Ben and Kitty did the universal lip zipping sign and Patty just stood in amazement. “Why’d he do that?”

“Because he cares about you and didn’t want the neighbors calling the cops on some lady streaking at 7 am.”

“Well, that had to be frightening…hope no kids were outside.”

“Ben, I wanted to let you know, Steve and Ron are on their way. I, uh…didn’t know if you wanted be around or not.”

“Eh, I have a right to be here. They just have to! Not a problem.”

“Good enough. No trouble now.”

“Nope, not worth it.”

“Good boy…Patty, I have something else we need typed up whenever you get a chance.”

“I’ll be in in a sec.” She turned to her kids and scooted them out of the door. “Okay, shoo. I have a job.”

“Yes, you do…we’re proud of you, Mom.” Kitty kissed her mom’s cheek and pulled back…it had been years since she’d done that. She liked it so much, she did it again.

Not wanting to get all teary, Patty kept up the stern mother mode and wouldn’t look her daughter in the eye. “Yeah, well…show me how proud you are and have dinner ready when I get home, huh?”

“Deal.”

Patty watched her kids leave, amazed at the turn of their lives. She’d finally accepted Ben’s admittance to the abuse by her ex. Thanks to counseling, and his insistence. It ultimately explained so much of his out of control behavior and she couldn’t deny it. Now, she was on medication to help get her motivated again and feeling like a productive member of society. Maybe, just maybe they’d get out of the hell hole they lived in and she could provide a decent home for her kids. She really had just resigned herself to the mess they were in…and now, it was changing. And she couldn’t be happier.

She made a fresh cup of coffee and went into Solana’s office and sat down across from her desk. “More coffee.”

“Oh thanks…”

“So, he fixed our door, huh?”

“He arranged for it, yeah. I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but I told him one of the kids would probably figure it out.” Solana pulled out a creamer and dumped it into her cup. This assistant business was wonderful. Patty didn’t mind doing mundane things and she could do more one on one work with her clients and…get hot coffee before she even thought about it. Can’t beat that.

“Yeah…that was awful nice of him. I’m not used to people being nice to me.”

“He cares for Ben an awful lot…all of your kids. And I think he’s feeling guilty for being away so much lately.”

“Yeah, Ben found a new friend from baseball…he has the internet. His sister is a big fan and they’ve been downloading interviews and stuff that Nick’s been doing. I don’t know how, but she burns them on CD’s and he brings them home and they all gather around the boom box and listen to him. They miss him.”

“Aw, does he know Ben’s doing that?”

“I doubt it. Ben would be embarrassed if Nick knew.”

“Can I tell him anyway? He’d be really touched.”

“Yeah, just…let him know…”

“Yeah, he’ll keep it on the down low.”

“When does he come back?”

“For good, I have no idea. I think he’s just going to fly in town for a day or two at a time so he can see Ben. He won’t be here for any length of time for a number of months, I’m sure.”

Patty nodded and looked out of Solana’s window. She needed a better view. How boring. “We’re all gonna be okay, aren’t we?”

“Yes, Patty you are. You’ve taken control of your lives instead of letting life control you.”

“I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Well…it might…”

“I don’t know if I can deal with anything else, Solana.”

“Well, if that shoe drops, you just have to pick it up…and see if it fits.”

“Hey guys! Come here…we got a package!” Ben lugged a huge box from the front porch into the kitchen, yelping again for his brother and sisters.

“What? A package? Who from?” Liz was the first to come in, covered in paint from decorating her small pumpkin for trick or treat night. A week away…she couldn’t wait.

“I dunno…” He lifted the box onto the kitchen table and got a knife, standing on a chair to get to the top of the box. “Post mark is…New York City.”

Jack came stumbling in from the back yard and Kitty finally unearthed herself from her bedroom. “Good God, it’s huge!”

“Yeah, no kidding…” Ben slid the knife into the tape and popped it open. “Oooh, there’s a note.”

Jack yanked the note from Ben’s hand and quickly opened the envelope. “I’ll read it.”

“Jeez…grabby.” Ben hopped down from the chair and waited on the note before going any further.

“Okay…here we go.” He skimmed down the note and smiled. Big. “It’s from Nick!”

“Alright!”

“Cool…read, read!”

“Okay, okay. Let’s see….

Ben, Jack, Kitty, Liz and Amy;

I’m so sorry I won’t be home for Halloween this year. It’s my favorite holiday and I’d love to be there. But…work calls. So, I sent some stuff for you to pick out what you want to be. If you don’t like any of it, that’s cool. Just take it to the center for other kids to use. Also, you’ll find a couple of disposable cameras in the box. Take lots and lots of pictures and we’ll get them developed on one of my trips back.

I miss you all and I’ll call soon.

Love, Nick

“Oh cool. Ben, slide the box down here so we can get into it!” Liz was jumping up and down like a loon.

“No…keep it up there. Just take stuff out one at a time.” Kitty wasn’t in the mood for Liz’s excitability. She was too busy being excited herself, even if she was too old to go trick or treating. This was neat.

“Yeah…one at a time.” Ben climbed back up on the chair and pulled the tissue paper out, his eyes bugging out of his head at how packed the box was. “God, guys…there’s tons of shi-…er, stuff in here!”

“I wanna be a princess! I wanna be a princess!”

“We know, Liz…chill. God.” Jack climbed up on another chair and helped Ben dig through the items.

Spiderman for Jack. Punk rocker for Kitty. Pirate for Jack. Female pirate for Liz. Clown for Amy. Camouflage for Ben. On and on it went with costumes, packages of make up, masks, hats, props. Everything anyone would need. Finally, they got to the bottom.

“Oh Liz…”

“Yeah?” She didn’t care about the princess anymore. She had make up and jewelry and a cool skirt from the pirate costume to keep her happy.

“Looky here…” Ben pulled up a frilly pink dress, complete with crown, shoes, and tons and tons of lace.

“A princess!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m gonna be a princess!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Well thank God for that. I don’t think any of us could have slept otherwise.” Ben hopped down from the chair and gave Liz her outfit, sorting through every one else’s. “I can’t believe he did this.”

“Me either…bites he won’t be here.” Jack found his Spiderman mask and put it on, sticking his tongue through the small hole in front.

“Yeah. We should put all of ‘em on and get pictures though.”

“Definitely. And then take everything we don’t use to the center…they can just keep it there for dress up.”

The shrill ring of the phone, snapped them all out of their celebration. “I got it…hello?” The phone was typically for Kitty anyway.

“Kitty? Nick.”

“Nick! Hey…we were just opening your box!”

“Already? Cool.” He could hear Liz in the background, still chanting about being a princess. “I take it Liz is happy.”

“Yes…you done good. With everyone. This will be fun.”

“Good. Lemme talk to Ben, huh?”

“Yup…hang on.” Handing the phone to her brother, she had to tease. “Thanks for being such a jerk, Ben.”

“What!?”

“Cuz if you weren’t…we’d have never met Nick…so, you know. Thanks. You finally did something right.”

“Ooh! Nothin’ but net!”

Ben chased his rebound and grabbed the basketball, looking up to the voice…it couldn’t be.

“Nick! What the hell are you doing here?”

“I had about 48 hours with nothin’ so I flew home to see you.”

He stopped dribbling and held the ball under his arm, looking at Nick like he’d just grown a third head. “You came home just to see me!?”

“Yeah…why’s that such a shock?” Nick helped himself inside the fenced yard and knocked the ball out from under Ben’s arm, making a quick lay-up shot.

“Hey! Aw, man…not nice.” Ben darted under the basket and they played a fierce pick-up game with no written rules, no more words and lots and lots of missed shots. No winner either. Except for each other.

As Ben hopped over the fence from what felt like his ten thousandth trip over to retrieve the ball, he tossed it to Nick and bent over, out of breath and out of energy. “I’m done.”

“Good…me too. You’re getting better and better, buddy.”

“I got papers for the rec teams this week…think I could do it?”

“Oh yeah…you want me to sign you up?”

“I didn’t mean that. Mom might be able to swing it now…I just wanna play.”

“Well, if not, let me know. We’ll get you in.” Nick sat down on the picnic table, forgetting how wobbly it was, and laughed as he almost fell right back off. “Damn…I forgot this thing attacked.”

“We haven’t used it since my birthday, I don’t think…”

Gaining his balance, Nick cut to the reason for his visit. “So, uh…what does everyone have planned for tomorrow?”

“Nothing that I know of…why?”

“Well, I thought we could all get together, you guys dress up…I can help with make up and stuff and I arranged for a photographer to take some pictures.”

“Are you serious, man?”

“Yeah…I hate that I won’t be here Thursday and I wanna see you guys having fun with the stuff. We’ll get Rosalie and Miss Romero here too.”

“Oh cool…she told me you sent them a box.”

“Yup. You think everyone will be up for it?”

“Oh yeah…Liz practically lives in that damned dress anymore.”

“I figured…no pirate girl for her, huh?”

“Nope, some other girl at the center took it already.”

“Good…that’s what I wanted. Share the fun. You wanna come to the house tonight?”

“Yeah…gives me something to do.” Nick hopped down and slung his arm around Ben.

“Things still crappy with Erin?”

“She’s with Steve. Totally. I lost her.”

“For now…maybe she’ll come back around.”

Ben shrugged, truly not interested in thinking about it anymore.

“Can you promise me one thing, Nick?”

“I can try.”

“No mention of girls tonight at all…”

“Deal. No women. Just you, me, stupid movies and uh…”

“Pizza.”

“Okay, Liz, come here. Let’s put some eye shadow on you, sweetie.”

Liz picked up her skirt and skipped over to Solana, batting her eye lashes in anticipation of her firstreal make up application. “Make me pretty, Miss Romero.”

“You’re already pretty…I’ll just make your eyes pop out more…”

“Pop out!?”

“Well, not pop…just come here, you goofball.”

Liz closed her eyes and giggled as the make up brush hit her eyelids. “Kitty did my nails too, didya see?”

“Yes, I did…they match your dress perfectly.” Making quick use of the make up brush since Liz had the squirmies, she pulled back to check her work. “Okay, look at me.”

Liz pulled back and smiled, making Solana return one of her own. Pretty little thing when she was cleaned up. All these kids were. Well, except for Ben. Today, he was just gruesome.

“Open your mouth a bit…” Nick mimicked the look he needed from Ben and swiped the barf green colored make up on his face. Yeah, he hated wearing make up, but he’d done it enough, he knew how to apply it. Besides…monster make up was entirely different from blush and eye liner.

“You think I’ll scare Amy?”

“Oooh…hadn’t thought about that. Why don’t we get her in here so she can watch you change.”

“Yeah…KITTY!!”

“JE-sus, man! My ears! I can get up and find her, you know…damn.” Nick wiggled his finger in his ear and bonked Ben on the nose as he got up to find the girls.

Perfect timing, because just as he stood up, a speeding ladybug named Amy came plowing through the room…followed by her bug catcher named Kitty. “Amy Lee…get BACK here now!”

Nick hunched down and growled, making her squeal and try to go the other way. But she fell instead, tumbling into a red and black heap.

Nick scooped her up before she could even think of crying. “Come on…I want you to watch something. Ben’s gonna turn green!”

Amy’s eyes got big as Nick put her on her brother’s lap. “Here, give me your hand, Amy.” Ben took her hand and put it up to where Nick had started applying make up. “See? It’s Ben, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Keep watching.” And she did…without moving…as Nick applied the green goo to Ben’s face, adding a scar for effect. Then he worked on his neck and finally his hands.

“Who’s under there, Amy?” Nick dumped the sponge of make up into the tray and looked at his work. Damn, he was good.

“Ben!”

“That’s right…you ready to get your picture taken?”

She said nothing, but held up her arms to Nick, curling up into him as he pulled her in.

“She looks just like a real lady bug all curled up to you like that.”

“She’s my Amy bug, aren’t you, girl? Let’s go find everyone else and get this party started.”

“I didn’t know you were dressing up too…” Nick’s heart was in his throat as Lani and Rosalie walked in the room with Liz and Jack trailing behind.

“Well, Rosalie wanted me to…so…” Lani twirled around, making her large skirt poof out in a perfect colorful tent. Her hair was pulled up into a tight bun and she had tons of make up on…as did Rosalie.

“You look great!” He slipped his arm around her waist and grabbed an arm, doing a few tango steps. “Flamenco’s tango too, yes?”

“Yes…we do it all, baby.”

“Looky my castanet’s, Nick!” Saved by the Rosalie. She started dancing around, clicking her fingers together in a perfect rhythm.

“Oooh…those are cool.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of Solana though, thrilled she’d taken this little gift and ran with it. “You decided against being a princess, huh?”

“Yeah, Liz is princess. I’m a dancer!” She danced off, bumping hips with Liz and running from Spiderman Jack who was more interested in pretending to catch people in his “web” than anything else.

“I think we need to get started here…they’re gonna be out of control in no time.”

“One more thing, Mr. Carter. You’re still in street clothes.” Solana pulled on Nick’s shirt and shook her head. “That will never do.”

“Oh-ho no…I’m not dressing up. This is for you guys.”

“If it’s for us, you play along. Come on, little big man. I have an outfit we picked out just for you.”

She dragged Nick back to the room where she had dressed and unzipped a garment bag. “Here we go. You can be a teenie bopper.”

“What!?”

“See…we have a little blonde wig for you…long hair and all. A barely there shirt…balloons for boobies, a mini skirt…glitter gel for your skin and of course, a Sharpie so you can write, ‘I love Nick’ all over yourself.”

“Dear God…” He couldn’t say anything else. A drag teenie bopper. She had to be kidding.

“I’ll do your make up…let me know when you’re ready.” Without another word, she left him alone, closing the door and failing miserably at stifling her giggles while Ben and his brother waited outside.

He stared at the stuff one more time and pulled out the wig, plunking it haphazardly on his head and puffing a strand of blond hair out of his face as he looked into the full length mirror. “I am NOT doing this!”

“Yes you are…get dressed, mister. I’m coming back in 5 minutes, so you’d better be ready!”

“Want me to blow up your boobies?”

“Ben, get the hell out of here…I’ll blow up my own boobs, thank you very much.”

One more look in the mirror and he had to give in. Dammit. The kids would love this, and…it was pretty funny. What the hell? He blew up his balloons and figured out the straps of his shirt, stuffing the boobs inside. And then he had to laugh. This was pathetic. The mini skirt barely covered his butt, especially if he reached up to mess with his hair…or falling boobs. For better or worse, he was ready for Solana’s finishing touches.

He peeked out of the door and growled, realizing everyone was in the other room…he’d have to walk in looking like this. All eyes on him. God, what he wouldn’t do to take back that drunken night. This was the worst punishment ever.

Cat calls. Whistles. Whoops. Hollers. Camera flashes. And a shriek from Amy until Kitty convinced her that it was really Nick underneath all of the fake hair.

“Oooh…you’re one sexy mama. Let’s put some make up on you, sweetie. Nick will want you for sure.”

He said nothing as Solana pushed him on a chair and loaded his eyes and cheeks and lips with color. “Gotta be bold so he’ll see you and want you, you know?”

“Yeah, make sure you write his name all over, so he’ll know which girl to yank outta the front row.”

“I’m getting there…patience, patience.” Solana looked down at her make up tray and started laughing, catching a special touch out of the corner of her eye.

“What now?”

“How in the hell do you have nipples!?”

“Oh…see…” He lowered his shirt to show her the balloons. Put the ties in front…cuz yanno…that Nick Carter makes all the girls’ nipples hard.”

“Of course he does…silly girl. Close your eyes…you need more powder blue here.”

“You’re so gonna pay for this, you know that don’t you?”

“Yup. I think I can take it.”

If he could only think of a pay back fitting for this humiliation…because honestly. He was having a blast.

Solana finished, and took one more look at her masterpiece and shook her head.

“What now?”

“Your tatts are killing the femininity of it all.”

“Sorry, girlfriend. I didn’t come prepared today.”

“Mmm…it’ll do. Are we ready? This skirt is hot.”

“Your skirt is hot!? How ‘bout a wig and plastic boobs???”

“Whine, whine…” She looked around for the photographer who had been waiting patiently, laughing along with them at Nick’s transformation. “I think we’re good to go!”

“Excellent. Okay, up here by the backdrop…Nick in the middle and everyone gather around.”

They all cooperated, putting taller ones in back, babies in arms and on laps and before they knew it, it was time to say…

“Wait! Wait!”

“What now, Nikki?”

“My tits are fallin’…hang on.” He hiked up his boobs and readjusted his straps, sticking his tongue out at Solana for making him have fun in spite of himself. “Okay, now.”

“Everybody say…”

“Justin’s Timber’s…”

“LANI!”

“Fall out!” Solana unlocked the doors to the borrowed van and opened the back door to help Rosalie unbuckle. But, Jack already had her undone and she climbed over Ben to get to her mother.

“We gonna go buy Nicky?”

“Yep…let’s go buy Nicky. Liz, grab someone’s hand.”

She angrily grabbed Ben’s hand, tired of still being one of the little kids. Jack didn’t have to hold a hand any more…why did she?

Ben leaned down to her and whispered, “just grab my pinky…it’ll just be for show, okay?”

She gave him a shy smile and slipped her hand out of his, taking hold of his pinky. “Thanks.”

“Okay, everyone stay near the cart.” Solana slid Rosalie in and gave her a kiss. “You stay in it.”

“I wanna walk.” Rosalie crossed her arms in front of her and pouted. Big.

“Nope. Too many of us. You ride. Then you can hold all of Nicky, okay?”

“Okay…I hold Nicky.”

Just as they made their way through the store, Solana’s purse rang. “Oh crap…Ben, can you find my cell in there?”

“Yep.” As they walked, he dug through her purse, finally pulling out the ringing phone and handing it to her.

“Hello?”

“Lani? Nick.”

“Hey you! What are you doing calling today…it’s your big day!”

“I wanted to share it with you…”

“Aw, well, your timing’s perfect. Guess where we are?”

“No idea…”

“Walmart. Me and…god, how many of us are here?” She quickly counted to herself and shook her head. How cool. “Seven of us here…all buying our own copies of this new album out today…well, Rosalie and I will share.”

“Oh yeah? Wait. Justin’s isn’t out ‘til NEXT week!”

“Oh, shoot. We’re early…smart ass.”

“Wait a minute…everyone’s buying their own? Who’s all there with you?”

“Ben, Kitty, Jack, Liz, me, Rosalie and…you’ll never guess.”

“Who?”

“Ron.”

“No fuckin’ way.”

“Yep. He finally pulled away from Steve seeing how impatient he is with the kids at the center…heard me playin’ the single in my office and decided he wants his own copy.”

“You know, I have copies set aside for you.”

“I know, but Nick…they want to do this. They’ve all earned their own money and want to help your numbers.”

“Well, I’ll keep these and give them to the center or something.”

“Oooh, yeah. Incentives. Autograph them, huh?”

“Sure…not a problem. This is too cool. Lemme talk to Ben.”

“Ben…for you, bud.” Solana handed him the phone and made a quick head count. How did mom’s with so many kids do this? She was already exhausted.

“Hey, man…what’s up?”

“It’s crazy, man. Just had a break and thought I’d call. I got the pictures back from this weekend already.”

“Oh yeah? How’d they come out?”

“They’re incredible. And the stuff you guys did with the disposables was great too. When did you sneak in when I was getting dressed?”

“About the time you had your hand down your shirt adjusting the left one, I think. Just like the picture.”

“You’re lucky I have it now. This thing better never get out.”

“Never know. Might help the record sales.”

“I’d rather not sell any if it’s all the same. So, how’d you all get enough money for your own copies?”

“Well, Mom’s been giving us allowance since she started working and Liz and Jack have been doing over time…Liz makes everyone’s beds and cleans up dinner. Jack cooked for like a week.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope. Little brat’s good too.” He felt a hand meet up with the back of his head. Jack’s.

“I’m not a brat.”

“Yeah, you are, man…but you can cook, so it’s all good.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah…and Kitty did a bunch of babysitting for our neighbor and you’ll never guess how I got the extra money.”

“You’re right…I’m too tired to guess.”

“Your neighbor’s been watchin’ me workin’ on your lawn…he hired me to do his too.”

“No way…grumpy old Mr. Wilkins?”

“Yep…his wife likes me anyway.”

“She make you lemonade?”

“Yes…how’d you know?”

“Cuz she does for me all the time. I’ll come home from tour or something, go out on my boat and she’ll be there greeting me with lemonade and cookies.”

“That sounds about right. So anyway, yeah…we’re here and…oh wow. There you are. Nick, this is cool.” Ben picked up the CD, staring at the cardboard display…a life sized stand up of Nick. Ordinary, goofy Nick and here he was in the middle of Walmart. Too weird.

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it? I can’t believe it either.”

“I can’t wait to hear this thing.”

“I hope you like it. Hey, lemme talk to Miss Romero again.”

“Yep. Here she is.”

Ben handed the phone back to Solana and plunked his CD into the cart.

“I hold all the Nicky’s, Ben…gimme.” Rosalie twisted herself around in the cart…as much as she could and tried to clamor for the case.

“Woah…hang on, girlie. I’ll get it. Dang.” Ben retrieved it back out and gave it to her. “There you go.”

Solana looked up to Ben and Kitty to make sure they had their hands on all of the kids and disappeared down another aisle so she could speak more privately.

“They’re so excited, Nick. They worked hard for this.”

“I don’t even know what to say, Lani. It means more to me than…” He sighed wishing he could see the dance in her eyes, the dance he could hear in her voice. “…more than I can say.”

“Yeah…I know.”

“So how is Ben, really?”

“Really…he’s okay, Nick. I mean, his heart is broken. He knows Erin still cares about him, but she just gave into Steve. She looks miserable too…comes to the center now and again to help him out. He’s not such a putz with her around though, so…I guess it’s okay.”

“I know it’s just puppy love, but I have such a bad feeling about it all.”

“Yeah, something’s not sitting right with me either. But, Ben’s okay. Grades come out tomorrow and he thinks he might actually be on the honor roll.”

“No kidding…first time for him?”

“Probably, yeah. He’ll be okay.”

“Okay…well, I gotta run. Another string of interviews and stuff.”

“Okay. When will we see you again?”

“Um, I’m not sure. My schedule’s in my room…I’ll call tomorrow and let you know, okay?”

“You don’t have to…I was just curious.” Truth was, she missed him like mad. More than she should. More than she wanted to. More than she could let on. She just wanted him home. It was almost easier to control her feelings for him when he was around than when he was away…her imagination could take off without him there. And it went to some wonderful places.

“Lani…you there?”

“Huh? Did you say something?”

“Yeah…I asked you to give Rosalie a kiss for me.”

“Oh…sorry. I, uh…saw some really…cool, uh. You know, this place is bazaar.”

“What place?”

“Walmart. You can buy pacifiers and rifles all in the same store.”

Nick had to laugh, imagining her looking up and being surrounded by rifles, camouflage outfits and binoculars. “Yeah, well…if the pacifier doesn’t shut the kid up, you can shoot it.”

“Nice…although, I remember that thought crossing my mind now and again.”

“I can imagine. Okay, I really gotta go.”

“Sorry…and I’ll kiss Rosalie for you.”

“Okay.” He stopped, wanting to say something else. Not sure what it was, but not feeling quite ready to hang up. “Lani?”

“Yeah…”

“I…” No. He could not. How could he? But…Ben was right. No. He couldn’t allow it. He had to change his thinking and quick.

“What, Nick?”

“Th-…thank you. This means a lot to me.”

She knew he censored himself. She felt the tension through the phone. She felt the heart through the phone and she knew that he was feeling things he shouldn’t be feeling…because she was too. It made no sense. None whatsoever. How could their hearts go places their relationship couldn’t go? It wasn’t right. But…there it was.

“No problem. You mean a lot to them.”

“Good.”

“And Nick?”

“Yeah?”

She took a deep breath and risked it. She wanted him to know that they were on the same page. The wrong page. The forbidden page. The tempting page. But they were there together.

“Me too.” She stopped breathing as she said those two words, not knowing what she’d hear next. And she heard nothing. “I’ll…talk to you soon.”

As she clicked off her phone, she looked up to find two blue eyes staring at her with equal parts questions and answers. Ben.

“We’re ready to go, Miss Romero. You okay?”

“Yeah, Ben. I’m good. Let’s go.”

“Rosalie, girl. If you don’t settle down, we’re going to have to get another stroller for you. Hold my hand, please.” Kitty reached for her hand, only to have it jerked away…for the millionth time in the last hour.

“I’m a flamenco dancer! I dance!” Rosalie continued spinning and clicking and bopping all over the sidewalk, making the Casey’s heads spin. All but Amy’s. She loved to watch Rosalie dance around.

“Rosalie. Flamenco’s rest too. It’s time to rest.” Ben scooped her up and giggled as she turned her face away from his. He’d done his own make-up for trick or treating, closely mimicking the work Nick had done on it the weekend before for the photo session. “If you don’t rest, I’ll eat you.”

“Monsters no like dancers. We taste funny.”

“I don’t doubt that at all…will you stop dancing at this next house?”

“Yes…I be good.”

He gave her one more stern look before lowering her back to the sidewalk and handing her the pillow case she’d brought to collect all of her goodies. “I think Miss Romero got an easy out tonight…we’ve been had.”

“No kidding. She sits on the porch and hands out candy and we deal with the whirling dervish.” Kitty held back from the next driveway, letting Liz, Jack and Rosalie go up first…the night was for them anyway. As it should be.

“Trick or treat!”

“She’s having fun anyway.”

“Yep. And she said she’d share her candy with me.”

“What!? You’re stealing candy from a little girl!?” Kitty slugged Ben in the arm and shook her head. What a twit.

“Ow! I’m not stealing” Ben rubbed his arm and gently slugged her back. “…just…whining. And you know, she loves me, so…she’s gonna share.”

“You are lower than low, I swear.”

“And how much of Liz’s are you planning on eating?”

“Shut up.”

“Uh-huh…don’t even talk to me about stealing. At least I’m not taking from my own sister.”

The trick or treaters returned, and they finished up the final street in Miss Romero’s neighborhood. By the time they’d made it back to her house, the little flamenco dancer and the littlest lady bug were totally sacked out.

Patty picked up her brigade, quickly snooping through their takes to make sure everything looked safe. When they got home, Kitty took Amy in and put her to bed, while Liz and Jack stumbled in to their own beds, falling quickly asleep in a chocolate haze.

Ben was feeling melancholy, remembering how he and Erin had joked about matching costumes they could sport while they stayed home and handed out candy. But, it never happened of course. As he got out of the car, he saw movement over at Erin’s house and was stupid enough to look.

Steve and Erin stood on her porch talking for a few minutes, her looking down and he lifting her chin with his finger. It made Ben’s blood run cold. Finally, he saw what he’d hoped he’d never have to see. Steve bent down and kissed her…and she kissed him back. And Ben’s heart broke. It wasn’t supposed to end up this way.

Just as he dragged himself up his porch, he heard someone call his name. He was not in the mood to be social.

“Ben!”

Turning around, he fought every urge to scream and calmly answered. It was Steve. “Yeah?”

“Come here for a minute, man.”

Ben lifted the hem of his shirt and wiped as much make up from his face as he could. He didn’t need any tormenting about going out trick or treating, no less going out dressed up. “What do you need?”

“Just come here, stupid. I’ve uh…I’ve got something for you.”

“You don’t have anything I want, Steve…I’m going in.” Steve started walking across the street, making Ben’s heart race. He did not want a confrontation. Not now…not ever.

“You know full well I have something you want.”

“Steve, please. You won, okay? Just leave me alone now.”

“Ah, but see, Benny…”

“Do not call me, Benny…asshole.” Ben had now turned and was face to face with his nemesis.

“Calm down man…”

“What, Steve? What could you possibly have that I want?”

“Well, for one…a way for you to get it back…”

As Ben and Steve made their way back to Ben’s backyard, old feelings started creeping up on Ben. Ones he’d not missed. Ones he’d hoped would never return. Feelings of impending rebellion. Of bad decisions waiting around the corner. Of punishments beyond the fun of causing trouble. But this time, he let those feelings stay in the forefront of his mind as he tossed Steve the basketball and turned on the back light. Feelings of accountability would have to be present too…they just had to.

“Okay, so talk, asshole.”

“You know, as the one who’s wanting something here, you sure have an attitude.” Steve took a shot and missed. Kinda killed the cut of his words.

“You’re at my home trying to convince me of something I probably don’t wanna hear. I’ll have any attitude I want.” Ben took his shot and made it. And rebounded, spinning around and tossing up a haphazard lay-up that went into the hoop as well. “You wanna play or is this a solo outing?”

“Gimme the ball, numb nuts.”

So he did. Hard. In the gut. “I still don’t hear you talkin’.”

Yes, Ben was good now, but he had enough bad left in him that he was not going to be intimidated by Steve any more. If it came down to fisticuffs, Ben could whip Steve in about two punches. He’d done it before and he had absolutely no guilt about doing it again if necessary. Steve had an attitude of intimidation, but both boys knew, the upper hand ultimately belonged to Ben.

At least where physical prowess was concerned. Although, when he saw the smirk on Steve’s face as his breathing returned to normal, Ben wondered. This one wasn’t going to end up physical was it? It was going to be a matter of right and wrong. The hardest conflict of all.

“Well, I was thinkin’ of doin’ a little Halloween prank, but it’s too late now.” Steve shot the ball again, this time barely making it into the hoop.

“I’m not interested.” Ben got the rebound and held the ball under his arm. “You can go now.”

“Now wait a minute…hear me out, dude.”

“There’s nothing you can say to change my mind. Just leave, will you? Haven’t you caused enough damage to people?”

“I didn’t hurt anyone. And I won’t this time either. Give me the ball if you’re just going to stand there.”

This time Steve was ready for Ben’s force and caught the ball, gracefully coming in for a flawless lay up.

“How come I feel doom surrounding this whole conversation then?” Ben wasn’t in the mood to play, so he retrieved the ball and sat on the picnic table, spinning the orange orb on his finger like Nick had taught him to do. Such an amazingly cool trick.

“Cuz you’ve gone soft on me, man. You don’t know how to have fun any more. That’s why Erin’s into me now. You’re boring.”

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks, but she might.” Steve knocked the ball off of Ben’s finger and chased after it making a poor attempt at a shot.

“In your wildest dreams, asshole…what the hell is it you want from me?”

“Okay, here’s the deal.” Steve tried to balance the ball on his finger and failed at that too. What the hell? He was supposed to be the jock in these parts.

“I don’t do deals.”

“Yeah, neither does your fake Daddy from what I understand.”

Ben hopped off the picnic table and grabbed the ball from Steve, tossing it into the storage bin, ending the game. “If you have something to say, just fuckin’ say it. I’m going inside in about one minute.”

“Okay, okay…Jesus, you’ve gotten shitty. I wanna get Nick again.”

“Out. That’s it.”

“WAIT! Just hang the hell on! Just a prank, you know? Break a few windows, mess with his pool more. Get in his garage and fuck with his cars some.”

“You have got to be kidding me. Why Nick? Why is he your target?”

“Because…he’s an ass. He can afford to get it fixed. He won’t call the cops on us…he’ll protect you.”

“Me? How do you figure me into this?”

“Cuz you’re gonna give us the passwords to get in again. And if you wanna prove that you’re not a wuss…you’ll help this time instead of running away.”

“You live in a fuckin’ dream world Steve. I’m not giving you shit.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“What makes you think I’m falling for this? I will not help you hurt him again.”

“Oh it’s just stuff, Ben. Get over yourself. You know full well you don’t mean dick to him. He’s just being nice to pay off his court time.” Steve pulled the ball back out of the bin and shot again, making it this time. “You’re nothing but a fuck up to anyone. Couldn’t even keep Erin you’re such a loser.”

“If I’m such a loser, then why are you here with me?”

“Because…you have something I need.”

“And you’re not getting it. Get out.”

“Yeah, I am…”

“Steve, I mean it…get the hell out. I thought this was about you giving me something I want anyway.”

“Yeah, well, if you’d get off your high horse long enough and listen to me, you’d know.”

“Okay, hot shit. Talk.” Ben swatted the ball out of Steve’s arms and held it again, wanting to hear every word, every meaning in what Steve said.

“You give me the passwords, I walk from Erin…she’s all yours.”

“As much as I want her back, Steve, I don’t want your leftovers.”

“And if you don’t, smart ass…”

“Yeah?”

“I tell her everything about you. The vandalism, the school, Nick’s house…skippin’ school…all of it. She’s still into you, man. Totally…but once she finds out what a fuck up you are…”

“You wouldn’t dare. You’ve been with me for everything…”

“What the little lady don’t know…” Steve took the ball away from Ben again, making a lousy shot and swearing at his bad game tonight. “…won’t hurt her.”

Ben couldn’t sleep. Not that it was a big surprise to him. It was just a damned inconvenience. He couldn’t turn on the TV because it’d wake Jack. He couldn’t pace because it’d wake his mom. He couldn’t go outside because god forbid someone get up to pee and see him missing, all hell would break loose. So, he was stuck, tossing and turning in the dining room bed hearing Steve’s words chanting over and over in his head.

Nick didn’t care about him. Steve would tell Erin everything. He’d trash Nick’s house. Hell, even without Ben’s help, Steve might figure out a way to get in there…and then he’d lose everything. As it stood, he felt like that was going to happen anyway. Or had it already happened?

“You don’t mean dick to him.”

Those words ran over and over in Ben’s head. Every time he’d hear them, he’d close his eyes tightly and try to force them out. Only, they got louder and louder. He tried to take himself back to New York and the studio and the look in Nick’s eyes as he sang that song to him and to Solana. He meant that…didn’t he?

Didn’t he? Why would he care for Ben? He was only fulfilling a court order, that much was true. But he did so much beyond what he was supposed to do. Now their time was less frequent, but Nick called all the time. Checked in. Listened. That shit didn’t happen with someone who didn’t care, did it?

But it was hard to remember when he’d be standing in science class and see Erin and Steve flirting right under his eyes. Not that Steve and Erin had anything to do with Nick, but somehow it all jumbled together in Ben’s eyes. Worth. It was all about his worth. Erin made him feel good about himself. Nick did too. Steve just made him sick. And now, in a matter of one conversation, Steve had taken those two things and totally defiled them in his mind. Bastard.

And what about Erin? She was with Steve already anyway, but Ben wasn’t blind. He’d catch her watching him from across the street, from down the hall at school, from across the room in science class. He truly believed she didn’t want to be with Steve, but she didn’t know what else to do. Was he holding something over her head too? Was he that shitty?

Ben couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to get up, get out, run, ride, swim, do something. He took a risk, jotted a quick note to his mom, grabbed his backpack and extra clothes and hopped on his bike, hoping the cops were in low force tonight. Riding a bike up Route 41 at 3 am was not something a minor should be doing. But he had to go somewhere. He had to work this out and it was not happening at home in his bed.

As he rode through the streets, his mind continued to work on overdrive.

“You don’t mean dick to him.”

“Erin’s into me now.”

“You’re nothing but a fuck up.”

“He’s just being nice to pay off his court time.”

“Prove that you’re not a wuss.”

One week. Steve had given him one week to make his decision. If he didn’t hand over the pass words, Steve would tell Erin everything Ben had ever done. Every wrong he’d ever committed. What a total fuck up he truly was. And he’d lose any chance of having her for good. If he handed the password over…he’d get her back.

And he’d lose Nick. He’d hurt Nick. He’d betray Nick…again.

It seemed like such a simple decision. But it was so complicated.

“You don’t mean dick to him.”

It was like a damned broken record in his head. The harder he pedaled his bike, the louder the words became. Finally, he reached his destination and breathed a sigh of relief that he was the only lunatic out here at night…security included. He didn’t want to deal with questioning glances.

He parked his bike, punched in the garage door code and went inside. It was still weird being at Nick’s house without him. He’d still have flash backs to that day in the summer when he “broke in” with Steve and Ron. What an idiot he’d been. The entire time they were riding over he could hear the voices in his head telling him to stop. But he ignored them. Now, all he could hear was Steve’s voice telling him he was a loser. He wasn’t ignoring them this time.

A quick change into his swim trunks and he was in the pool, swimming quietly, slowly, not to awaken any neighbors. Mr. Wilkins was a bit of a grouch, even though he obviously had a sweet spot for Ben. No sense pushing the limits though. It was now about 3:30 in the morning. Ben swimming in Nick’s pool would surely not go over well.

He pushed and pushed his physical limits, lapping the pool time and time again, his arms growing weary, his breathing becoming more and more labored, his mind quieting some as the water sloshed around him. It felt good. It hurt. He didn’t want to stop because if he did, he’d hear Steve again.

But, his body eventually gave out and he had to. He sat along the steps, chilling in the night air, too tired to even get up and dry off.

“You don’t mean dick to him.”

“STOP IT!” Oops. Too loud. He needed to go inside. He needed to do…something.

Sleep. He needed to try to sleep.

He had to feel close to Nick again, but he didn’t want to have to depend on him. Didn’t want to use the last words Nick always said to him before he took off out of town.

“Call me any time if you need me, you understand?”

He didn’t want to call him. He wanted to do this on his own. But, he needed Nick. Was he that much of a failure, of a loser that he couldn’t make such an obviously simple decision without Nick’s help? Without his guidance?

Sadly, it seemed that way. After taking a quick shower, Ben went into Nick’s room and slid into bed…his side. He felt so safe here. He felt Nick’s presence here. When he was here, the right thing was so clear. But yet…Steve’s words taunted and tormented him. Nick was a performer…he’d even been an actor. It was very possible that Steve was right.

“You don’t mean dick to him.”

He tried to sleep. He failed. He tried listening to music. He failed. He tried everything. He failed.

So, he caved. He leaned over to the bedside table and hiked up on Nick’s pillows, picking up the phone. It was time to cash in.

He dialed the phone number, trying to remember where Nick even was. California, if he remembered correctly. Okay, so it would only be 2 am there…not as bad at 5 am was it?

“’lo?”

“Nick…” He heard music…loud music. And lots of people. He’d interrupted a party. Damn. “It’s…it’s Ben.”

“Ben!? What’s…are you okay? What…what time izit, man?” He was drunk. It was obvious.

And then, before he could answer, he heard the worst sound in the world at the moment.

The voice of a very drunk, very friendly woman.

“Come on, baby. Get off the phone…who’s Ben?”

“Back off for a minute. Hang on.” Ben heard Nick shuffling and the music faded a bit. “Okay, Ben? Whazzup, man?”

“N…never mind. You’re obviously busy.”

“No, no I’m not. Jussan album party izall.”

“It’s not a good time. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

“I tolju any time, Ben.”

“You’re drunk.” Ben felt like he’d been kicked in the teeth.

“I’m…yeah, a little, but I’m good…whazzup?”

“Nothing, Nick. I think I have my answer now.”

“Ben…you haven’t asked…whaz goin’ on!?”

“Nicky! Come on, baby…I wanna dance some more!”

“I said back off right now. Thiziz important.” Nick finally shrugged off the woman and turned his attention back to the phone, plugging up his free ear so he could hear more clearly.

But when he told Ben he was back, the line was dead.

“You don’t mean dick to him.”

Ben finally found what would make him sleep. Tears. Lots of them. He cried so hard, so loud, he was sure he’d wake the neighbors. He almost felt like trashing Nick’s house again, not to hurt him, but just to get out all of his anger. Instead, he curled up into a ball and sobbed until he fell asleep. The next thing he knew, the alarm was blaring and it was time to get up and go to school.

A long, tiring ride back into Ruskin for school. School. How joyful. School meant Erin. Steve. Teachers. Expectations. Responsibilities. Family.

Ah, yes. Family. Before his first class, he called home to let his mom know he was okay.

Somehow she understood. She let it go…she trusted him. A glimmer of light in his newly dark place. He took it and let it guide him through his day. Let it shine for him when he struggled through science class and a boring lecture and Erin’s blonde ponytail taunting him from the front of the class.

He’d promised his mom he’d stop by the center on his way home from school. Steve didn’t work on Fridays so he was safe. So he went. Maybe Miss Romero…no.

How was he going to even look her in the eye? Nick was with another woman last night. Ben knew he had every right, but yet…he also knew his heart was with Miss Romero. And hers with Nick. But he’d betrayed that and she was none the wiser. How could he look at her and not let it out? Not let her know that Nick wasn’t all he was cracked up to be?

The world on the outside’s tryin’ to pull me in. But they can’t touch me cuz I got you.

Yeah, right. Ben rolled his eyes as he remembered the words to Nick’s song. What a fucking farce. Maybe Steve was smarter than Ben realized.

He got off of his bike and locked it up, grabbing his backpack and taking a quick shot into the net-less basket in front of the center. Someone had forgotten to put the balls away. Ben had to snicker at that. It used to be him. But now, now he was so busy being “good” that he was the one everyone suddenly felt accountable to. Maybe that had been a farce too.

He plunked the balls into the bin and went inside, bypassing Miss Romero’s office completely. Just go see Mom. No one else but Mom right now.

He knocked lightly on her door to let her know he was there and took a deep breath hearing her voice. Who would have figured she would be a comfort to him. Ever? Now? But there it was. Mom had come through with the simple act of trust. He walked in and tossed his bag in the corner, wanting nothing more than to see the smile on her face, the pride in her eyes at making her life better.

Instead, when he looked up, he caught a glimpse of her shirt as she stepped away from her desk. And she wasn’t alone.

“Don’t ever hang up on me again, you hear me?”

“So guilt pays for an airline ticket nowadays, huh? I guess you’re right. Money doesn’t buy everything.”

“You wanna talk here or go somewhere else, Ben?” Nick leaned back in Miss Casey’s chair, never moving his glare from Ben. He was worried about the kid, but right now, he was a little taken back by his anger.

“Who said I wanted to talk anywhere?” Ben turned his back on Nick and grabbed at the door handle cursing when his sweaty palms stopped him from opening it right away.

“Hanging up doesn’t have to be on the phone. Do not walk out of that door.”

“You’re not my boss. You’re not my father. You’re nobody now, are you Mr. Carter?”

“You care to tell me what the hell is going on? I talked to you Tuesday and everything was fine. Now, I’m suddenly on your shit list. I have every right to know why.”

“Never mind, Nick. If you don’t know, then you’re too dense to understand if I explain it to you.” This time Ben didn’t think before he walked out of the office. He just walked. Then he ran. Right into Barry.

“Woah…Ben. No running inside now. You know that.”

“I…I’m sorry Mr. Irvin. I got-…I gotta get out of here.”

“Then do it safely…” Barry watched Ben slow down and then take off running again as soon as his feet hit the pavement. Turning back to go find Miss Romero, he saw Nick, taking off out of Miss Casey’s office and running after him. This didn’t look good at all.

Nick stopped when he got outside, looking both directions for any sign of Ben. Just when he feared he had lost him, he heard a scuffle to his left and saw a blur of Ben’s tennis shoes disappear behind a bush near the building next door. He took off in that direction, wondering who would out run whom. Who would out last whom. He suddenly felt like a 50 year old man.

When Ben heard Nick’s feet behind him, he picked up the pace. Why the hell had he come? He didn’t want to see him now. He didn’t want to face his demons anymore than he had the night before. He didn’t want Nick to be one of them, but right now…he was. Why couldn’t he have left well enough alone?

“Ben! Please! Stop! Don’t do this, man!” Nick was gaining on him, probably because he only had one goal in mind. To stop Ben. Ben’s mind was so active, so busy, it took extra concentration just to run in a straight line, no less do it quickly.

Finally Ben was stuck, having to wait for traffic at an intersection. Nick caught up and grabbed his arms, struggling as Ben fought to get away.

“Dammit, Ben…what is wrong!? Tell me what I’ve done!” He finally got a good grip of Ben’s arms and held him firmly, wishing the kid would just look up at him. What the hell had happened?

“Leave me alone, Nick! Just go back to California…I’ll be fine without you.”

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Ben…Jesus Christ! Look at me…if you’re going to blow me off like this, at least have the balls to look me in the eye and do it.” Nothing made sense right now and Nick was not going to just let this kid go like that. He had to explain. He just had to.

Ben slowly looked up to Nick, their blue eyes meeting in an angered confusion. “Leave me alone. Please, just leave me alone.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. Something has upset you. You don’t call my cell at 5 in the morning…from my house without some really good reason.”

“Yeah, well, it really didn’t matter last night now, did it? You had your entertainment for the evening.”

“Huh? You called during and album party, Ben. I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

Ben finally shimmied out of Nick’s arms. Too tired to run. Too tired to fight, he slumped down on the curb and scooted away from Nick as he took a seat next to him. Ben couldn’t help but mock the woman he’d heard on the phone. “Come on, baby…I wanna dance some more!”

“Yeah, Ben. There were women at the party.”

“You were drunk.”

Ah, finally. Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, okay…a little anyway. I’m not going to apologize for that. I haven’t been drunk since…shit, since you and I worked on your multiplication tables…”

“Yeah, right.”

“Yeah…right. I worked hard on this album, it’s been non-stop parties and yes, I’ve had too much to drink this week. I also know I’ve not been out of control either.”

“Why not? You surely could if you wanted to.”

“Yep, I could. I could have also snorted coke last night and popped a few pills. But I didn’t. I didn’t sleep with anyone and I drank probably one drink too many.”

Ben finally looked up to Nick and lowered his head again in embarrassment. Nick wasn’t lying. He’d freaked over nothing. What an ass. “Who was the woman?”

“No idea. Some broad who would not leave me alone. She was finally escorted out.”

Ben nodded and started picking up small pebbles that were laying in the gutter and throwing them into the street. “What kept you clean?”

“You. Lani. My family.” Sighing, he said the final one. “Me. I don’t want that anymore, Ben. I like to party a little, sure. I like to dance, I like to drink. But there’s no sense in going so far with it that I get into trouble and forget everything that happened. I don’t want to be numb anymore.”

“I kept you clean?”

“Yes, Ben. You.”

Steve was wrong. He knew it. He always knew it…somewhere inside.

“Don’t you have promo this weekend? How’d you get home?”

“I cancelled a few things and caught the first plane out of LA I could get. Just got in…maybe half hour before you showed up.”

“You cancelled stuff?”

“Ben, you called me on my cell at 5 am…from my house. You were freaked out. Then you hang up on me. I freaked out. I just made a few calls and came home. I’ll deal with the consequences later.”

“Will there be any?” Ben flung the last pebble within his reach across the street and scooted closer to Nick.

“Maybe…maybe not. I don’t care right now.”

“This is your solo career…it means everything to you.”

“It means a lot to me…yes. But Ben…you mean everything to me. I couldn’t ignore what happened.”

“You flew home just because of that phone call?”

“Yep.”

Ben was silent for a minute, realizing what he needed to do. “I need to go home…can you take me?”

“I came straight from the airport; I don’t have a car.”

“Shit…um…double on my bike?”

“Yeah…let’s go.”

It was an entertaining ride home, no doubt. Patty agreed to take Ben and Nick’s bags home with her after Ben had rejected her suggestion to just wait until she could drive him home. He wanted to take care of this now if he could.

Ben sat on his handle bars as Nick took the driver’s seat and rode them home, dodging cars, running stop signs and nearly crashing at every two or three turns.

“You suck.”

“Thanks. You’re heavy…throws off my balance.”

“You still suck.”

“Stop bitching and tell me if the next street is right. I’m all turned around not being in a car.”

“Yep…next street.”

“You gonna fill me in what this is all about?”

“Eventually, yeah. How long will you be in town?”

“’til Monday. I only had one radio show today, then I was off anyway.”

“Cool…”

They pulled into Ben’s driveway and Nick heaved a sigh of relief as Ben hopped off the handle bars and Nick could finally steer with some control. Too bad they were at their destination.

“God, I suck.”

“I told you.”

As they went inside, Nick stopped for a moment, messing with the latch on the screen door. No one had said anything about it. Surely they knew he was behind it. But, they knew he didn’t want to be found out, so they kept it quiet. Nice. His next call was to get that fool step on the front porch fixed. If nothing else, he was sick of fearing for his life every time he forgot and stepped on it.

“Okay, just…sit here while I make a phone call, huh?”

“Yeah, whatever. When’s everyone else get home?”

Ben shrugged as he disappeared into the kitchen to get the phone. “Kitty went to a friend’s after school. Jack and Liz should be home in…he looked up at the clock over his bed…about 15 minutes.”

Ben dialed the phone and paced nervously, hoping someone would be home. He had to take care of this now. He was not going to allow this situation to haunt him one more moment if he could help it.

Finally…someone answered.

“Erin? It’s…it’s Ben. I need you to come over. We gotta talk.”

“Why are you telling me this, Ben?”

Nick turned from the doorway, wanting to interrupt, knowing it was none of his business until Ben made it that…and reminded Liz and Jack of their homework.

Erin and Ben had been in the kitchen for what felt like hours. Nick wasn’t sure why he was there, what was going on or what had started this whole chain of events. All he knew now was that he was the entertainment committee for the younger Casey sibs. Not a bad gig.

“Lemme finish this game.”

“Jack…doesn’t your mom want it done before she gets home?”

“Yeah, but…I’ve almost…” Jack leaned his whole body to the left, as if to help steer the jet ski in the game. “Crap…beat this one. I can NOT do this.”

“Sure you can…after your homework.” Nick took Jack’s control and started his own game, quickly realizing controlling a real jet ski was a helluva lot easier than this thing.

“You’re worse than a dad, you know that?”

“How do you figure that!? I’m not here 24…” Nick sucked in his breath as he narrowly escaped crashing into a pier. “…7 to bug you.” He crashed into a wall and looked to Liz. “I suck.”

“Yes, you do. You need to practice more.” She got up and immediately pulled out her books to start her homework, leaving Nick to practice alone.

Jack was still trying to dilly-dally. “True, but you make up for lost time.”

“Oh quit whinin’ and get on with the homework.”

“I need the kitchen…the lovebirds are in there.”

“Do it out here…or lay across your bed. That’s what I always did.”

Jack was running out of arguments, so he made up for it by huffing and puffing and whining and moaning about the weight of his bag, the amount of homework he had for a weekend, how uncomfortable his bed was, and how dull his pencils were. His life was just horrid.

“Does he always do this?”

“Usually. He’s a drama queen.”

Nick was beginning to think it was a family trait after the fiasco with Ben earlier. Sick of hearing Jack’s litany of injustices, he went into the dining room and plopped down on the floor next to him. Jack was lying on his back, hanging his head over the edge of the bed doing a whole lot of nothing.

“You studying the texture of the ceiling?”

“No, the floor under Ben’s bed…he needs to clean it out.”

“And this is for…what? Science?” Nick lifted Jack’s head and rested it on his shoulder. He was getting head rush just watching the kid.

“No…I have to study spelling words. I hate doing that.”

“Where’s the list? I’ll give ‘em to you and you spell ‘em out.”

“We just got it. I’m not ready to be quizzed yet.”

“Okay…then, um…write ‘em out three times each. Use them in a sentence.”

“Both!?”

“Yep…where’s your paper?”

“God…in my bag.”

Nick crawled over to Jack’s bag that he had flung across the room and pulled out a notebook. “Okay, here. Where’s the list?”

Jack hiked up off of his back and pulled the wrinkled list out from under him. “Here.”

“Jack. Join the waking world here, bud. Roll over, open the notebook and start writing.”

“I can’t write 20 sentences!”

“Do the words…we’ll talk through the sentences.”

“Twice. I’m just doing them twice.”

Nick had found Jack’s assignment book in his bag while looking for paper. “Uh, says here three times. Let’s go for three.”

“You bug me.”

“You love me. Now roll over and get busy.”

Jack mocked him as he rolled over and thumped his pencil on his notebook. “You love me…wah, wah, wah. God…who died and made you Dad?”

Ben finally came out of the kitchen, looking like he’d been through World War III. His hair was disheveled, his eyes were swollen and bloodshot and his shoulders drooped so low he looked like an old man.

“Can we go somewhere…dinner, your house…away?”

Nick looked up from his spot next to Jack on his bed. Jack agreed to write out the sentences too only if Nick would come up on the bed and help him think of some. “Yeah. Where’s Erin?”

“She left out the back.”

“Oh…okay. Do you wanna see if she can come with us or something?”

“No. She doesn’t. Just…let’s go, huh?”

Nick looked at the final words on Jack’s spelling list. How ironic. “Okay, Jack. Last two. Your mom can check ‘em, okay?”

“Yeah, okay…”

“Lost…and stuck. See if you can put them into one sentence. Save ya’ time.”

“Okay, thanks for helping, Nick.”

“Any time I’m home, bud. We gotta read another Captain Underpants book soon.”

“Oh yeah! I’ll get one from the school library.”

“Well, let me check my schedule to see when I’ll be home again first.”

Jack nodded and went back to his paper, trying to come up with a sentence. Patty came home just in time for Nick and Ben to take off, again trusting Ben’s silence as needed time to sort out whatever was aching his heart.

They walked outside and stopped cold.

“Uh, Ben?”

“What?”

“No wheels.”

“Well, shit.”

“I’m not riding double back to my house. Lemme call a cab.”

“Dammit, I’m sorry.” Ben plopped down on the porch, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t do anything right.”

“Ben…this is no big deal. I’ll just call a cab.” He sat down next to him and pulled out his cell. “Why don’t you go get my stuff from your mom’s car, huh?”

“Yeah, okay.” Ben got up slowly, moving as though the weight of the world rested on his two skinny shoulders. He opened the screen door and stopped when he had to push the button. “Oh yeah…”

“What?”

“I’m not supposed to know, but thanks for fixing our door.”

Nick looked up from the ringing phone, wondering how badly this cab company wanted business and nodded. “Not a problem.”

“You’ve fixed a lot around here.”

Ben heaved a sigh and went inside, thwapping Liz on the head for no apparent reason. Because it was there.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself. Where’s mom?”

“Kitchen….starting dinner.”

Ben slumped into the kitchen and saw his and Nick’s bag in the corner. “We forgot these.”

“Okay, sweetie. You okay?”

“No. I’m not.”

“Pack up some clothes…just in case you wanna stay with Nick tonight, huh?”

“Okay, good idea.”

He wordlessly made his way into his “bedroom” and gathered up some clothes, shaking his head at the truth that Nick kept a toothbrush at his house for him. How could I have ever doubted him?

Jack looked up from his paper, still blank on the last line, waiting for a final sentence. “Ben…are you okay?”

“No.”

“Oh…what happened?”

“I’m not sure, Jack. But somehow it’s all gonna be alright.”

And then Ben did something he’d never done before as long as he remembered. As either boy remembered. He bent over and gave Jack a kiss on the head. “Thanks for asking, though.”

Jack watched his brother leave looking more defeated than he’d ever seen him, yet having a glimmer in his eyes that totally dispelled all the rest of the body language. It made no sense. Looking down at his paper, he wrote his final sentence.

“My brother thinks he is lost and stuck, but really, he is found and free.”

Nick waited through dinner. He waited through a swimming session. He waited while they warmed up after the swimming session. He waited for Ben to shower and waited while they watched a movie. He even waited while Ben beat the shit out of him at Sonic on the Game Cube. Finally he couldn’t wait anymore. He was tired from the flight, tired from the incessant partying that week, the press, the forced smiles, the lying through his teeth about his sex life…he was just tired.

But he was not going to say ‘goodnight’ to this kid until he knew what the hell had happened. He was sick of waiting.

As Ben slid into bed, Nick stopped him before he totally laid down.

“Okay, Ben…no way, man. Sit up.”

“I’m tired.”

“You have no idea what tired is, dude. We aren’t going to sleep until you spill.”

Ben heaved a sigh and sat up, looking at Nick like maybe he should start. So he did.

“Why am I home?”

“Because I freaked you out.”

“No shit…what the hell happened, Ben? What brought me here. I’m asking YOU!”

“Yeah, right…I know.” Ben fell forward onto his face, kicking his feet up onto his pillows.

And he finally began to talk. He told Nick about how Erin had cried when he said they’d be better off respecting her father’s wishes. About how she never stopped looking at him in school, but still clung to Steve. How it ripped him apart every day.

And how he was destroyed when he finally saw them kiss the previous night. And that she allowed it, and seemed to enjoy it.

And finally, about Steve’s visit. About the ultimatum, the threat, the constant dismissal of who Ben had come to believe he really was.

And Nick was fuming. Furious. Seething mad. His silence scared Ben. He didn’t think the anger was directed at him, but honestly, his eyes were burning such fire, his body language so stiff and jilted, he couldn’t be sure. Had he screwed up yet again?

“And you believed his filth???”

Yep, he’d blown it. Nick was mad at him. Wonderful. And Ben started to tear up again. He really thought his tears had all but dried up the night before.

“I didn’t at first, Nick, but dammit…it was like a broken record in my head. ‘You don’t mean dick to him’. I couldn’t make it go away!”

“After all of these months…”

“I’m sorry…”

“After all I’ve done for you and your family…”

“Nick…please…”

“What do I need to do, Ben? How can I get through to you?”

“I don’t know…Nick, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!” Ben was crying full force now, fighting the urge to run and the urge to throw himself into Nick’s arms. He didn’t know what Nick would do and he surely couldn’t take him pushing him away. So, he just sat there with his face in his hands and bawled his eyes out. “I’m so sorry, Nick…”

Nick was having a battle of his own, quite similar to Ben’s. Kick the kid out and work out a way to get out of this court order, or fold him up in his arms and realize that he’s just lost, searching, confused…just like Nick had been…and still could be.

He went for the latter.

He stood and walked around to Ben’s side of the bed and pulled him to the edge, kneeling down so he could look up into Ben’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Nick.”

“I know…look at me.”

Ben sniffed and wiped his nose with his fist and giggled as he wiped it on his shorts. “Sorry…I’m gross too.”

“Yes, you are…Ben, I need you to listen to me, okay?”

Ben just nodded, sniffling and snorting away his gut wrenching tears. He hated to cry, dammit.

“This is all new to me. I mean, being with you…it’s easy. You remind me of my brother, we play like me and Aaron…it’s all good. Liz, Kitty…remind me of my sisters. Easy shit. Amy…I have to pull on my memory a bit, but I still remember Aaron and Angel as babies. And I’m glad to do it again. I really am.”

Ben nodded again and lowered his head onto Nick’s shoulders, sighing as Nick’s arms snaked around Ben’s scrawny, jerky body. He couldn’t quit hiccupping and snuffling. He felt like he’d never stop the flood that had started.

“But, Ben…it’s more than just being with you. Going to games, swimming, playing video games, messing with Miss Romero…you and me…it’s something else, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

Nick pulled Ben back making him look at him. “Do you? Do you really?”

“I think I do now.”

“What if someone says something again, huh? What if it’s Steve’s dad this time…or…Erin? Who will you believe?”

“I want to believe you, Nick. I do…I know inside, I just get…confused. No one’s cared for me like this.”

Nick nodded and took a deep breath. He’d almost said these words to Solana a few nights ago on the phone while they were shopping for his CD, but he knew it’d be a bad move. But here? Now? For Ben? Yes. They were needed and very, very true.

“Ben…look at me again.”

The younger blue eyes finally met the older, searching their depths for confirmations he feared he’d never get. But then…he got them.

“I…love…you. And there’s nothing that will change that, do you understand me?”

That was it. Ben threw his arms around Nick’s neck and sobbed with every ounce of energy he had left in him. More energy than he thought he had, that was for sure.

“Shh…it’s okay…Ben…” They stayed that way for quite some time; so long that Nick’s legs were cramping, but he didn’t care, that Ben’s eyes were burning, but he didn’t care. Neither wanted to let go until they were both assured that the message was forever imbedded into the heart of the other.

“My mother hasn’t even said that to me, Nick. My own mother.”

“But she means it. And you know it.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Nick pulled away and got up to get Ben some toilet paper for his eyes and nose. He couldn’t believe Steve could do this to the kid. He couldn’t believe the words of one person could destroy all that they’d worked on for 7 months, but here it was.

People were so fragile.

“Here…you want a cold cloth?”

“Maybe that’d be good, yeah.”

“Come on…let’s clean you up.”

They went into Nick’s bathroom and quietly sat while Ben got his breathing back to normal and washed his face.

“I’m so sorry, Nick.”

“It’s okay…I’m sorry he put you through this.”

“I did it to myself.”

“No, not completely. I can see where that’d drive you crazy. But you knew where to go to find me. I’m proud of you, man.”

“Proud of me?”

“Yeah…you came here and you called. I’m always here somehow, okay? Always.”

Ben nodded and tossed the washcloth into the sink. “I’m really tired now.”

“Me too. But tomorrow…”

“Yeah?”

“Erin…you’ve got to tell me about Erin.”

Nick stirred awake, surprised to feel Ben’s arm still slung over his waist. They hadn’t moved all night apparently. Emotionally, physically exhausted. Both of them. Whoever would have told him a year ago that he’d be regularly waking up with a 13 year old kid in his bed would have been laughed off the planet. Now…he actually missed the twerp when he wasn’t there.

He slid out of bed, replacing his body with a pillow so Ben could continue to sleep undisturbed. The kid was totally dead to the world. Probably the best thing for him…a good night’s sleep and just a day to chill out. What a horrible few days he’d had to go through. What a complete fuck up Steve was…

Nick dug out a pair of sweats and a shirt from his bag and headed into the kitchen. Coffee. Cereal. Back deck. He loved November in Florida. All the humidity from past months had lessened and the mornings just felt fresh. This morning it was very welcome after the emotional maelstrom of the night before.

As he finished up his breakfast, Ben came out, toting his own huge bowlful of the breakfast of champions, shivering in the chilled morning breeze. He nudged Nick in the head with what felt like his elbow, but when Nick moved, something slid out of his hair.

“What the…” It was a Fruit Loop. “I don’t have Fruit Loops anymore…”

“It fell out of your cabinet. You’re still cleaning that shit up.”

“My god…like finding Christmas tinsel on Easter morning.”

“Yep, exactly…” Ben sat down and pulled his legs up into his chest, trying to eat around himself. It wasn’t easy. “Damn, I forgot it was November. Didn’t pack any sweats.”

“I might have some of Aaron’s here somewhere…lemme go look.”

Nick came back and had to laugh at Ben…he was shaking like a leaf and dripping milk everywhere. “You know, dweeb…you could just go inside. Here…” He handed Ben a pair of blue sweats and one of his old sweatshirts.

“Thanks…you sure this is okay?”

“Yeah, they probably don’t fit him anymore anyway…just keep ‘em.”

As Ben disappeared to change, Nick sat back and tried to digest all that Ben had told him the night before. He figured he’d better kick his security up a notch or two while he was gone just in case. Steve would find a way to do what he wanted with or without Ben’s help. Either that or he’d change his plans and do more damage elsewhere. The kid had to be stopped this time. Nick found himself daring Steve to try something…because this time, he’d hang him.

Ben came back fidgeting with the long sleeves on the shirt and tripping over the length of the pants. Chuckling at the site, Nick shook his head and took his final sip of coffee.

“What!? I like the shirt! It’s just…” he flailed his arms, making the sleeves flap beyond his hands, “…a bit big.”

Ben flopped down on the chair, covering his knees with the shirt and looked out onto the gulf, forgetting the size of his clothes, remembering all that had happened lately. At times, he still couldn’t believe it. He regretted not one moment. Well, there was that moment he let Steve and Ron in here, but otherwise…it was good.

“Then keep it, dweeb. You could fit two people in there…might be kinda fun.”

Ben chuckled and rested his head on his knees again. “Wish it could be Erin.”

“I know…so what happened with her?”

“I dunno. I mean, I told her everything, but…I think she thinks I was doing it to cover my ass.”

“You were, weren’t you?”

Ben sighed and stuck out his tongue…brat. “I just thought it’d be better coming from me and not Steve.”

“She thinkin’ you were just trying to get her away from him or something?”

“She shouldn’t. Every time she asked about him, I told her that she needed to talk to him about what he’s done in his life. It’s not for me to say.”

“Damn…I’d have spilled.”

“What good would that do? It’d definitely look like I was just talking so she’d come back to me.”

“But isn’t that what you want?”

“Yeah…but really…I just wanted her to know me…from me. Not from the sick shit Steve would fill her with.”

“I still can’t figure out why she’s with him at all. He’s just such an ass.”

“I can’t figure that part out either. She seems afraid of him.”

“You think he’s holding something over her head?”

“Possibly, but I dunno what it’d be. All I know is, I thought it’d help, but I’m not so sure now.”

“In the long run it will…”

“How do you figure?”

“Because you’re not giving Steve what he wants. So, he thinks he has the upper hand and when he goes to tell her everything, it’ll backfire. Just give it time.”

“I suck at waiting.”

“I totally understand.” Nick’s mind went to Solana…sitting on her front porch, her hair blowing in the slight breeze, eyes dancing as they laughed about some stupid joke or some ridiculous thing Rosalie had said. Yep, waiting sucked. He was sick of waiting…but he had to. “Speaking of Solana…”

“Uh…we were?” Ben smirked and unfolded himself from his sweatshirt ball, picking up their bowls and heading toward the door. “Inside…I’m still cold.”

“Wimp…we gotta get you to some real winter weather…toughen you up.”

“Can you believe…I’ve never seen snow?”

“No way…” Nick held the door open for Ben and giggled. The shirt was down to his kneecaps.

“Nope. Not once. Anyway, speaking of Solana???”

“Oh yeah…does Steve know where she lives?”

Ben stopped walking and dropped the bowls onto the counter, spinning around to look Nick in the eye.

“You don’t think…”

“I have no idea, Ben…but if he hurts her…”

“He’s dead. That mother fucker is dead.”

An excuse to see Solana was always a welcome thing. So, with Nick’s new concerns, the boys showered and made their way to her house. Nick hoped she wouldn’t see his worries as grandstanding, but as something to really keep forefront in her mind. Nothing was beyond this kid, obviously…using people seemed almost second nature to him.

Ben and Nick were busy tormenting one another as they got up to her front door and haphazardly knocked, not paying much attention to anything. Then, they heard it.

Music.

Loud music.

Nick knew she’d have never heard them. He opened the screen door and pressed his ear to the hard wood and started giggling.

“It’s that Elvis remix…oh god, you KNOW they’re in there dancing around.”

“Oh yeah, baby. We gotta see this. See if she left it unlocked.”

Nick tentatively turned the doorknob and smiled victoriously as it gave to his touch. “Oh yeah…” He creaked the door open, hoping he’d not be seen before he got an eyeful and slowly walked inside, motioning Ben to quietly follow. “Shh…in the kitchen…look.”

“Oh…my…god. Look at them.”

Which, of course, Nick was already doing, trying not to laugh and praying to the gods of comedy that Rosalie and Solana wouldn’t turn in such a way to see their intruders.

Nick had been right. Elvis. Loud. Raucous. Obviously, the girls had been cleaning, as both were wearing bandanas, schlumpy t-shirts and jeans, and using cleaning supplies as their microphones for their pretend performance.

Solana was Elvis…with a spray bottle of cleaner as her microphone while Rosalie was her back-up group, using a feather duster for hers. They were singing and dancing and having the party of their lives in the total privacy of their home. Well, except for these two guys standing in their foyer.

Who were about to give themselves ulcers from trying to stifle their laughter. It was obvious, the girls had done this before. It was well rehearsed. Solana sang the chorus:

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me

And Rosalie would echo:

Satisfy me

Solana would bring it to a finish before the verse:

Satisfy me, baby.

At the second or third go ‘round of the verses and chorus, Nick started to take off his shoes.

“What the hell are you doing?” Ben was having trouble keeping his voice to a whisper because his burgeoning giggles would threaten to take over.

“Shh…socks skid, dude…I’m goin’ in.”

“She’s gonna kill you.”

“No she won’t. Come with me.”

“No way…I can’t do that.”

“Chicken shit.”

“Cluck. Cluck.”

Nick shook his head and slowly started tip toeing into the kitchen as the song built up to a climax of yet another run of the chorus.

Come on baby I'm tired of talking

Rosalie would sashay her hips in time to the rhythm, pretending to play the saxophone. Nick almost blew his cover laughing at that one. Oh yeah, they were rehearsed alright.

Grab your coat and let's start walking

Nick looked back to Ben for encouragement, but all he got was a teenager bent in half trying not to laugh out loud. A lot of help he was!

Come on, come on

Rosalie didn’t miss her cue:

Come on, come on

Nick got closer to the kitchen, ducking behind the counter as Solana continued.

Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Come on, come on

And as the song built and Solana spit out all of the words and Rosalie “ah’d” her way to the build up, Nick stood up full, took a few running steps…

Don't procrastinate, don't articulate
Girl it's getting late, gettin' upset waitin' around

And slid into the kitchen, into the scene and started singing right on cue.

A little less conversation, a little more action please

Solana’s eyes popped out of her head and Rosalie cheered. Without missing a beat, she searched her kitchen for a microphone and handed Nick a plantain. When he looked at it questioningly but kept singing, she shouted over the music.

“Microphone, Elvis!”

All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me

Nodding and smiling, he slid his arm around her waist and used the plantain as it was meant to be used…as a microphone, of course.

A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me

Solana joined Rosalie as Nick’s back-up singers now, flirting with her eyes as they sang the echo.

Satisfy me
Satisfy me baby.

They danced wildly during the instrumental break and Nick finally caught Ben’s eye…hiding behind Miss Romero’s camera.

“Get over here, Chicken! Rosalie needs a partner.”

“Yeah, Ben…I need a man!”

How could he resist? Still keeping his cool demeanor, he rolled his eyes and put her camera back on the table, but took off his shoes in spite of himself. He was going to sing and dance to Elvis. Weirder things could happen, couldn’t they?

Just like Nick, Ben waited for the climactic build in the verse while they all sang and motioned, “Come on, come on”. He slid in right on cue, with a whoop and a holler from his band mates.

Nick handed Ben a wooden spoon and they took the song home, Ben picking up Rosalie and dancing around, singing Elvis’ part with Nick, and the girls happily being led by ‘their men’ singing back up and forgetting all about dust bunnies, grimy shower doors and laundry.

The song finally ended and the four friends huffed and puffed at their wild song and dance, giggling and holding each other up. “You know…”

“Yes, Elvis?” Solana pulled the bandana off her head and fluffed out her hair, causing Nick to almost forget what he was going to say.

“You need some ripe bananas.”

Solana, Rosalie and Ben all started to crack up, Solana yanking the plantain from Nick’s hand, shaking her head in disgust.

“What!?”

“That’s a platano, not a banana.”

“Huh? It looks like a big ole hard green banana to me!”

Rosalie smacked Nick’s leg and laughed. “It supposed to be big and hard, Nicky!”

Ben failed at stifling his laughter this time, gleaning a glare from Solana and Nick. Not a glare anyone could take seriously, but it was a serious attempt anyway. “Ahem. Sorry.” He straightened up and grabbed his girl’s hand. “Hey Rosalie…what say you and I go dance some more in the room? I think they wanna, uh…talk.”

“Okay…”

Nick yanked the plantain away from Solana again, shaking it in her face. “It’s supposed to be big and hard?” He plunked it into its basket and leaned back against the counter, wiping his brow from their mini party. “Why do I feel like I’ve been trapped?”

“Trapped how? You’ve traveled all around the world and you don’t know the difference between a platano and a banana???”

“Obviously not.”

“I need to cook for you, Gringo. That’s sad. It’s a staple in my cooking.” Grabbing the fruit back out of its basket, she stroked it lovingly, teasing him with her eyes. “Big…hard…and sweet…they’re my favorite.” She winked at him and put the fruit back, walking away a bit to keep a nice, comfortable distance. Bastard was not supposed to have this effect on her. “Now, what are you doing in town, Elvis?”

Nice segue. He could barely breathe. “We, uh…sorta had an emergency.”

Solana hiked herself up onto the counter, shoving Ben’s wooden spoon to Nick so he could put it away. “Oh yeah? Ben did?”

“Yeah. Barry didn’t tell you I was here?”

“Nope. Not a word. I’ll remember to lock my doors next time.”

Nick put the spoon away and ran a hand through his hair, not wanting to tell her what was on his mind. He had a feeling she’d resist his idea altogether. “Actually, that’s kind of what I need to talk to you about.”

“Locking my door? Nick, what’s up?”

“Steve. Steve’s what’s up.”

Solana flushed the toilet and closed the lid, standing up straight and groaning as her back rebelled. “I’m too young to feel this old.”

“But you look so cute scrubbing toilets.” Nick reluctantly resisted the urge to rub her lower back where she was stretching to try to massage herself. She needed to stop that stuff.

“I have one left, smarty pants…you wanna take it?” She handed Nick the scrub brush and toilet bowl cleaner, smirking as he leaned away from them like they were diseased.

“S...sure…I can clean toilets.” He smacked on a fake smile and stood to show what a willing volunteer he really was.

“Nick, I’m kidding. You do not need to clean my toilets.”

“I can!” He shoved the brush under one arm and gently pulled the bandana out of her hair, untying it so he could put it on his own head. “I just need the right clothes is all.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

Tying it snugly on his head, he looked up smacked her bottom with the brush. “You, my dear…are avoiding our conversation.”

“Yeah, I know…I just don’t want to think about it, Nick.” She grabbed her sponge and cleaner and started into the master bath with Nick following close behind.

“I don’t either, but Lani…”

“I know, I know. You’re worried about us.”

“I am. And so is Ben…” Nick stood in front of the toilet bowl like he’d never cleaned one before. He had…it had just been awhile.

“Lift the lid, squirt the goo, let it sit and brush, Nick. Not real hard.”

“I know, I know…” Nick heaved a sigh and did as told, closing the lid to sit on it while the cleaner worked. He sucked in a quiet breath when he saw Solana bent over the edge of the tub, moving her hips as she scoured away. Why had he avoided cleaning so much all these years…this could be almost enjoyable.

“Barry’s been wanting me to get a security system since we moved in here.”

Nick swallowed deep, hoping to find his voice. She was teasing him, he just knew it. “Why haven’t you done it then?”

Solana leaned back on her haunches and wiped her brow with the back of her wrist, blowing an errant hair out of her face. She wasn’t teasing at all…she was completely oblivious of the effect she was having on him. Which, of course, only made her more endearing. “Because I don’t like to live in fear, Nick.”

“How is protecting you and your daughter living in fear?”

She tossed the sponge into the tub and looked back at him, frustrated at her upcoming response. “I don’t have an answer for that.”

“Because there isn’t one.” He wasn’t budging. Even without the minimal threat of Steve, Nick knew he’d travel with less anxiety knowing they’d be safe. He cared too much about both of them to let this one go.

“Do you really think Steve will target me?”

“I don’t know, Lani…it’s just a feeling. This can’t hurt even if I’m totally off base.”

Seeing another spot in the back of the tub, she picked up the sponge and started scrubbing again, making Nick’s stubbornness on the matter more difficult to stick with. Did she have to move her behind so much?

“How much does something like this cost?”

“Couple hundred.”

“To install, but what about per month…you’re not paying that, Nick. I won’t allow it.”

“Mine’s pretty high, but I think you can get ‘em for under $30.”

Finally happy with the cleanliness of the tub, she rinsed it down, still debating this whole thing. She wasn’t happy, but Nick was right. It couldn’t hurt to keep her and Rosalie safe irregardless of Steve. She dealt with the dregs of society half the time anyway…she was always at risk. “I can afford that.”

“So you’ll do it?”

“Only if you let me pay the monthly fee.”

“I don’t mind doing it, Lani.”

“I do…scrub the toilet, Gringo.”

Nick popped up off the commode, lifted the lid and seat and started swirling the brush, giggling when Solana came over to investigate. “Do I pass?”

“Yep…you’d make a good little housewife.”

“That’s excellent, now put them back into the pan and we’ll fry them up some more.”

Jack smiled at his accomplishment and did as Solana asked, carefully placing the fried plantains into the pan so he wouldn’t spatter the oil everywhere. “These smell so good!”

“Just wait ‘til you taste them…they’re my favorite.”

Solana pulled the roast out of the oven and ran it under Jack’s nose so he could smell. “Oh man…this is gonna be so good. Nick’s gonna love this.”

“I hope so. Looky at the cueritos at the bottom.”

“What’s cueritos?”

“The crunchy crusty fat stuff…it’s the best part.”

“Crunchy fat?”

“Trust me…you’ll love it…like pan drippings.” She peeked into the skillet watching Jack push them around so they wouldn’t stick. “You’re doing good…not too brown. Stick ‘em on these paper towels when you think they’re done.”

“You’re gonna trust me to know?”

“You’re a good cook, Jack…yep. You’ll know. I need to go help Rosalie get dressed.”

Jack hiked himself up on the counter, kicking the cabinets and making Solana freeze, afraid he’d burn something. “Can I sit on the counter to finish?”

“To cook, nooo…”

“Aw, mom let’s me sit up here and stir.”

“I’m not mom…come on, big guy.” He jumped into her arms and gave her a squeeze before she put him down. “You guys are getting too big to hold for more than a second.”

“You can still give us hugs, Miss Romero.”

“You better count on it!”

Christmas dinner. It was something Solana had always wanted to prepare for a large family and just never had the family to fit the bill. But this year, she did. Nick had been gone since his emergency visit, filling their missing time with phone calls, emails to Solana’s office and special delivery turkeys at the Casey’s and Romero’s at Thanksgiving. They all missed him fiercely and to welcome him home for a short break from his touring schedule, they decided to surprise him with a traditional Puerto Rican Christmas meal…only he had no idea what or who was waiting for him. All he knew was that Solana invited him to stop by, dress up and ask no questions. Now it was time to make sure everyone else was properly dressed as well.

“Mami! Mami! Is this good? Will Nicky like?”

Rosalie spun around in the hallway, her skirt mimicking her carefree spirit, flowing and twirling right along with her. “Oh Rosalie. He’ll love it…let’s get your hair up, huh?”

“Okay…Kitty said she do it.”

“Is she ready?”

“I dunno. Let’s go see.” Rosalie skipped back to her bedroom and knocked on the door. “Kitty…can we come in?”

“Yep…I’m dressed.” Solana let herself in and sucked in her breath. She was stunning.

“Oh Kitty…”

“Is it still okay?” Kitty looked down and smoothed out her floral skirt, fidgeting with the waistband and sleeves of her sweater.

“Yes…gorgeous. That shade of blue is perfect with your eyes.”

Taking one last check in the mirror, Kitty grabbed a hairbrush and looked to Rosalie. “Okay, girlie…you ready to get beautiful?”

“I already bootiful.”

“Okay, beautiful-LER?”

“Yes…bootifuller. Use the blue bow so I match you.”

Solana left the two beauty queens alone and knocked on her bedroom door to check on Ben and Liz.

“Come in…”

“You guys read-“ …seeing them, she had her answer. Yes, they were ready. Ben looked almost…

…like a man.

Little big man.

He looked downright handsome. “Ben…”

“Yeah?”

Humility always makes one more beautiful, doesn’t it?

Solana shook her head and looked to Liz who was trying to buckle a shoe. “Nothing…you clean up good, bud.”

“Thanks.”

“Liz, you need help with that?”

“No! I can get it…”

Solana threw her hands up in submission and looked to Ben who was shaking his head and walking to the door. “Don’t bother with her…she won’t let anyone help, Miss Romero. Stubborn as a mule.”

“She learned from the best.”

He jokingly scowled at her and headed into the kitchen. “Jack needs to get dressed, doesn’t he?”

“Yep, he’s finishing the tostones.”

“Need me to do anything?”

“Stir the rice…it’ll be sticky on the bottom, but that’s okay.”

“Sticky rice is okay?”

“YES! Pegao…yum…you guys need to learn how to eat!”

“Whatever…” Ben saw Rosalie and properly fawned over her, picking her up and carrying her into the kitchen, not giving his big sister a second glance. Typical brother…reminding Lani of the “little” in her little big man.

Solana pointed to Rosalie’s room when Jack appeared in the hall looking for his clothes. “You’re in there; I’m in here.”

“Okay…can you tie my tie?”

“Yep…just knock first.”

“He’s gonna be really surprised, isn’t he, Miss Romero?”

“I hope so, sweetie…”

She shut her door behind her and bypassed her closet for a moment, walking over to a large package and picking it up with great care. Running her fingers over the beautiful wrapping, she wanted nothing more than to open it and look at it again. But, she knew it’d have to wait until Nick had it. He would be so pleased. So proud. He had an irreplaceable family already…no one wanted to replace them. But these kids…they were his new family. A place of unconditional love, support and acceptance.

It’s how she felt for him, how he felt for her…and hopefully this Christmas season, they would all be able to share those feelings in a very special, permanent way. It really was her only Christmas wish.

Well, that and that her dinner would come out perfectly.

“¡Rosalie, conteste la puerta, por favor!” Solana stuck the spoon into the bowl of rice and peas, quite satisfied with how everything turned out. It looked good anyway!

“Okay, Mami!” Rosalie hopped off the kitchen chair, while the other kids scurried back to the bedrooms to hide, probably making more noise shushing each other than they would have had they just calmly disappeared.

The doorbell rang one more time and Rosalie called out to it in Spanish…since no one else was supposed to be there, of course. “¡Un momento! ¡Vengo!”

She flung the door open and looked up to her guest, smiling broadly knowing that she had a secret. It almost made her want to explode.

“¡Nicky! ¡Feliz Navidad!”

“¡Rosalie! ¡Feliz Navidad!” He bent down and scooped her up, hugging her tightly, totally missing her dressed up attire. But she didn’t mind. She was wrapped up in and around Nick…she could have been in her jamies for all she cared right now.

“I miss you so much, Nick.”

“I missed you too.” He pulled back and reluctantly put her down so he could take a good look at her. Squatting in front of her, he had her spin around for a good view. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Thank you…Kit-…uh, I mean, Mami did my hair. You like?”

“I like.” Nick stood up and took in a deep breath, totally missing her almost slip up. “What’s goin’ on here tonight…smells wonderful.”

She tugged on his pants leg and he bent down again, picking her back up. He felt like he couldn’t hold her enough. Cupping her hands around his ear, she leaned in close and whispered loud enough for the neighbors to hear. “It’s a secret…I can’t tell you.”

“Oh…hmm…” He made his way into the kitchen and flirted with his eyes, trying to think of a way to weasel the secret out of her.

“Don’t look like that, Nicky. Mami said you try to trick me.”

“Oh she did, huh?” Damned woman. She was too smart for him. Whispering in a much more effective hush, he had his own idea. “Well, we’ll just have to trick her then.”

“How?”

“By acting like I don’t care about the secret.”

“You do, Nicky.”

“Shh…now you have a secret with me, too.”

Nick stopped cold when he saw the huge layout of food on the table. He just figured they were going to take Rosalie someplace nice for dinner or something…definitely not this. Looking into the kitchen, his breath left him as he saw Solana standing there looking more amazing than his wildest dreams could ever conjure up.

He felt Rosalie slipping from his grip and jerked his attention away from Solana long enough to put her down. And then totally forgot she was even there.

“Feliz Navidad, Nick.”

“Feliz…Navi-…Lani…my god…” He ran a hand through his hair and mindlessly loosened his tie. It was getting hot in here, wasn’t it?

Solana smiled and brought the final bowl of food to the table, brushing up against him as she leaned over the table. “You’re looking very handsome tonight, Mr. Carter.”

“Th-thanks…you’re um…wow. Amazing.” Damn, he was brilliant. He was lucky to get anything out.

He stood and watched her move around the table, confused as to why there was so much food for only three people. This was a feast…with a lot of foods he’d never seen before. It looked delicious. She looked…

…gorgeous. Her hair was tossed up in a loose bun, with slight tendrils of curls hanging loosely around her face. Her dress was obviously just for the holidays, a deep burgundy velvet that fit snugly around her body and fell freely off away from her hips, swaying gracefully as she moved. Her make up was typical, but more formal…understated yet somehow bringing out her finest features. Which, at the moment, Nick couldn’t have picked which features were finer than the others. All of it…all of her…she exuded elegance and beauty and…love.

“We’re almost ready to eat. Rosalie, didn’t you want to show Nick something in your room before dinner?”

“Oh! Yes…Nicky, come with me…” Rosalie grabbed Nick’s hand and started to pull him toward the hall but he was frozen in his spot, staring mindlessly at Solana. “Nick! Come on!” She tugged harder and finally smacked his thigh to get his attention. “Mami be here when we get back…you gonna mess up the secret.”

“Huh? Oh…oh, okay. I’m sorry. Where are we going?” He followed her, trying to shake his thoughts from his mind. The prime one being how he would kiss his way down her soft back as he slowly unzipped that damned dress.

“My ROOM! You not listen good tonight.”

“No, you’re right…I’m not listening…what’s in your room?”

“You see, Nicky…” She raised her voice in an obvious attempt at getting someone’s attention. Fortunately, Nick was still in a mini-coma. “You see, Nicky…I show you what’s in my room!”

She turned the knob to her bedroom door and Nick jumped out of his skin. Or would have had it been physically possible.

“SURPRISE!!!!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!”

“Oh my GOD!!!! You guys!!!!!!!!” He opened up his arms and hugged them all as they ran to him, Liz grabbing a leg, Kitty and Ben each getting an arm and Jack getting squished in the middle.

“Hey! Hey! I can’t BREATHE here!” Jack started pushing against Nick’s stomach while everyone laughed and stepped back to free him. “God…kill me for Christmas dinner, I swear.”

“Oh…are you the surprise main course?” Nick ruffled Jack’s hair and finally took a look at them all. “Holy crap…what’s going on??”

“Christmas dinner, Nick…we all cooked for you.”

“And look at you…my god guys…”

“Yep. We’re damned gorgeous aren’t we?” Kitty fluffed her hair and stuck her tongue out at Liz who was already visually chastising her for her language.

“Yes…you are. What a great surprise.”

“It’s not over yet…but you can wait for the rest.” Ben led the gang out of Rosalie’s room, winking at Miss Romero on the way out as she slipped her camera behind her back.

“There’s more!?”

“Yup…but we’re hungry. Let’s eat!”

They all went into the kitchen and took their seats, already decided upon before Nick’s arrival to avoid the “I-get-to-sit-next-to-Nick’s” that would inevitably happen. Ben and Rosalie got to sit next to Nick. With Solana directly across from him and the others filling in anywhere else.

“Lani, this looks great.”

“Good…it’s a traditional Puerto Rican Christmas dinner…a week or so early. This is stuff Mami taught me to cook when I was little. I wish I could have made more.”

“You’re kidding, right? We’d be eating for a week.”

“No, not kidding…I just made a few dishes tonight.”

“All for me?”

“Yes, Nick…all for you. Everyone pitched in.” She eyeballed his plate and he handed it to her to serve up the meat. “Pernil al horno.”

“Roasted pork…with cueritos…crispy fat. She swears it’ll be good.” Jack still wasn’t convinced.

“I’m sure it will.” Nick took the plate and looked around, picking up the bowl of rice. “This is rice, obviously…”

“Yes, arroz con gandules…rice with peas sorta. Special peas.”

“They’re into crusty stuff…that one has…what is it again, Miss Romero?” Ben scooped up a few tostones and put them on his plate, passing the platter to Nick.

“Pegao…the sticky rice at the bottom. The best part. And then Ben has tostones there for you, Nick.”

He looked down at the platter and smiled. “Ah…the big, hard bananas, huh?”

Rosalie giggled at Nick’s silliness. “Platanos, Nick…big, hard platanos!”

“Right…big, hard plantains. You want some?”

“Yes, please.” Rosalie lifted up her plate as Nick served her, still having trouble keeping his eyes off of the beauty across the table from him.

“This is…great, Lani…thank you.”

“Thank them. They did most of the work.”

Looking around at the blue eyed faces surrounding him, he couldn’t help but smile…from the bottom of his big toe on up. “Thank you all, then…this is even better than home.”

The kids mysteriously disappeared down the hallway, shutting the door to Solana’s bedroom and busting into a fit of giggles as they shushed each other in the ‘secrecy’ of her room.

“I wanna play against those brats in poker. They suck at hiding stuff.” Nick picked up the roast platter and brought it into the kitchen where Solana was already rinsing dishes.

“I dunno…you haven’t figured anything out yet, have you?”

“Just that they’re up to something…and as a team, that’s scary.”

“Aw, don’t be scared. It’s Christmas…let them play.” She took the platter and let her eyes leave her work long enough to catch his glance. And stopped breathing. She really never imagined how difficult this night would be. Surrounded by kids and childish excitement there was no way anything else would be allowed in. But here it was.

Nick quickly looked away, hoping for a still cluttered table so he could leave her side…but it was clean. “Um…want me to wipe the table down?”

“Get some foil out first, so I can send you home with some of this.”

“Oooh…okay…that’s where?”

Pointing to a drawer with her foot, she directed him. “Down there…bottom drawer.”

He tried, he really did. But when he squatted down and pulled out the roll of foil, his eyes traveled to her legs. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Licking his lips and shutting his eyes, trying to also shut out all the thoughts running wildly through it, he stood up and pulled out a length of foil. “Do we have enough to send home with the Casey’s too? I can do without if not.”

“Yep…enough for everyone.”

They wordlessly scooped the roast into three large servings and Nick wrapped them up, sticking them all in the refrigerator until time to leave. The roast was so tender it hadn’t needed a knife. The tension in the air did. Thicker than a San Francisco fog.

“This was really good, Lani…thanks again.”

“Yeah, turned out nice.”

Uncomfortable silence hit again as Nick dug through her dishwater to find a soapy cloth. Instead he found her soapy hand. “Oh…’scuse me.”

“Here…” She plopped the dripping rag into his hand and let the platter rinse in the hot water. “I’m done here anyway.”

Why was this so difficult? They were friends. Confidants. Companions. And…yeah, there was that desire for more that was more overwhelming tonight than it had been since…well, since the last time they were together anyway. It seemed to be growing with each meeting. Add the beauty of the night…their dress, the decorations sprinkling her home and just the general magic of the holiday and it was downright alluring…uncontrollably alluring.

Nick wiped the table clean, scooping crumbs into his hand and carefully bringing them back to the sink to toss into the disposal. Lani had been leaning up against the counter, drying her hands, putting on hand cream, and watching every move he made.

“Nick…”

“Mmm?” Her voice was so deep and soft…he was going to lose his mind in a minute. He really was. Neeck…it lured him in 9 months ago and it was doing a job on him still. Although now…he knew she was no vampire. And if she was? Well, tough. What a way to die.

“What are you thinking?”

He lowered his head, turning on the water to rinse away the stray crumbs…and to avoid eye contact. “You, uh…you really don’t’ wanna know what I’m thinking, Lani.”

She leaned down in front of him to hang the towel up on the cabinet door, making him step back, and again stop breathing. She was a hazard to his health, that was for sure. Standing back up straight, she stayed close, running a finger up and down his tie and turning the water off with the other hand. “Yeah…I do.”

“Lani…” Yep, she was killing him. He either couldn’t breathe at all or was going to hyperventilate. He stepped back, wanting nothing more than to step forward, and looked out the window, happy to see something to talk about other than his wandering thoughts. “You put lights on the new tree…that’s cool!”

She turned to the window, frustrated, but knowing she was pushing buttons she just should not push. “Well, yeah…it’s our tree. I think lights on palm trees are dumb, but I did it anyway.”

“It’s still crooked.”

“Mmm-hmm…but I don’t think that’s what you’re thinking about.” She was slowly backing him into the corner of the counters and he was…letting her.

“You’re right…it’s not.” His hands slid up and down her arms as he desperately tried to avoid cupping her face in his hands and kissing her. She wasn’t making it easy.

“I can tell you what I’m thinking…if it’d be easier.”

“Lani, we really…” He took one of her loose curls and gently tucked it back behind her ear. “…what are we doing?”

“I’m thinking I’d like to break a rule.”

“I’m thinking I really hate rules anyway.”

That was all the permission either of them needed. She parted her lips as she leaned in, keeping her eyes locked in his as long as physically possible. Their breath touched one another’s face, and his hand finally made its way up to her cheek. This was finally going to hap-….

“…Okay guys! We’ve waited long enough! Time to open presents!!!!”

Rosalie innocently pulled the two uh…friends apart from one another and dragged Nick into the living room, pushing him into an overstuffed chair. “You sit here.”

Nick looked helplessly back at Solana who got lost in the fray and tried to focus his attention on the kids. That’s what this was all about anyway. He’d eventually believe it. Sooner or later.

Ben barely caught the tale end of their interrupted moment and was thrilled…but glad that they were finally going to be able to share their secret with him. Nick would get another chance at kissing. “Okay, you have to open this first.” He held out a huge, somewhat flat package, resting the edge of it on Nick’s lap.

“Good God…this is…what the heck is it!?”

Rosalie climbed up no the arm of the chair and playfully smacked Nick’s hand. “You have to open it, silly.”

“Will you help me?”

Rosalie leaned up and grabbed at a corner, making the first tear into the paper, Nick quickly following suit. They flung the paper across the room, temporarily getting hung up on Jack’s head, and Nick looked at…

“It’s an empty picture frame…” Looking up to Solana, he questioned silently.

She looked to Liz who had another gift in her hands. “Open this next…we’ll explain.”

“Okay…” He took the smaller package and shook it, listening to the sound. Or the absence thereof.

“No shaking, Nicky. Just open it!”

“You gotta help me again.” He took off the bow and put it on Rosalie’s head, who immediately looked to her mom and posed for a picture.

They worked together to open the package again, tossing the paper aside, and flipped the lid of the box open. Nick saw the large album and stopped all motion. It was a photo album. A big one.

He looked up to the kids, still wondering what could be in the album and held it up as Rosalie pulled the box out from underneath it. “Guys…what have you done?”

“Just look through it! You’re driving me crazy!” Ben finally plopped onto the floor, almost choking himself on his shirt collar and tie. He hated these things…when was this part going to be over?

“Okay, okay…jeez…you gotta savor these things…” Nick slowly opened the album and didn’t look in it, wanting to draw it out further to drive the kids crazier. “…take your time…enjoy life.”

“NICK!!!!!” That would have been all of them. Solana included. Okay, game over.

Nick snickered and casually glanced down at the album.

And stopped breathing for the ten millionth time of the night. Only this time it wasn’t Solana’s fault…not entirely anyway.

“Oh God…you guys…” He gently touched the four pictures on the front page, looking at each person in each professional shot. “…and it’s the clothes you’re wearing tonight….when did you do this?”

Solana had found a business card of their Halloween photographer in the album of proofs and kept it, contacting him again so she could get professional pictures of the kids for Nick and for Patty for Christmas. And they were stunning. His Halloween idea had started a waterfall of ideas for pictures and moments to share. So, the album was filled with such.

“While you were touring. Keep looking…” Solana moved in closer, pulling up a corner of an end table so she could see his face, his reaction.

Nick continued to look through the album, laughing at the goofy shots and smiling proudly at the not-so-goofy ones. Professional, serious, gorgeous individual pictures of each of the kids, groups shots with them being goofy or serious, all showing off different sides of their personalities. It was amazing. As he kept flipping through the album, time went backwards in the album.

Buying the Christmas tree for the Casey’s and then the family decorating it. Solana standing on a ladder swinging a string of lights onto their palm tree in the back yard. Both families at their respective Thanksgiving dinners getting ready to dive into the turkeys Nick had sent from God-knows-where and then sitting stuffed like a bird at the end of the meal. All the Casey kids holding honor roll report cards, and then standing on their front porch steps, obviously jumping on them to test their new strength after Nick sent someone to fix them.

Rosalie putting her potty chair into the Salvation army container at the local K-Mart. “No more nighttime diaper, Nicky!”

“Alright! Good job!” Nick offered her a high five and kept looking, fighting back tears at all he’d missed, at how much they’d obviously still thought about him while he was gone. He couldn’t believe it. His gift to the families was suddenly feeling horribly meaningless and inferior. But now was not the time to think about it…this was about the kids. And he did know it. No reminder necessary.

More time passed in reverse as he flipped through the pages, giggling at the picture of Steve and Erin arguing. “Ben…”

“Sorry…they were loud and I had the camera. Sue me.”

Shaking his head, Nick went back to the album, loving the normalcy of the candid shots. Ben and Jack shooting hoops, Jack helping Patty with dinner, Amy covered in chocolate from…something. Liz licking her clean. Ick. Kitty dolled up in a dress and corsage. Nick looked up to her on this one, not sure what it was from.

“I had a Homecoming date.”

“Oh yeah? Was he good to you?”

“Yes…” She looked down and fidgeted with the hem of her sweater.

“Was he a good dancer?”

“Yes…”

“Would I approve?”

She shrugged and blushed, looking to Solana hoping she could stop the inquisition. She didn’t, of course.

“Did he kiss you???”

“Yes…”

Ben and Jack did the typical brother thing and ooh’d and aah’d, whistling and chortling. Made Nick proud. “Did you like it?”

“Yes…and I’ve kissed him again before you ask. Now turn the page…you’re embarrassing me.”

With a wink and a smile, Nick did as asked, finally letting a tear drop at the next picture. It was the whole gang standing in front of Walmart proudly displaying their individual, self-earned copies of Nick’s album. “Aw, guys…”

“Mom made us go back and get her own stinkin’ copy too…she keeps it at work.”

“Dang, you paid my mortgage this month!” He looked down again, laughing out loud seeing the pics of him, Solana and Rosalie dancing in her kitchen to Elvis. “Too bad there wasn’t anyone around to take the picture of you, Ben…”

“Eh, you’re the king, man…not me.”

“Thank ya’…thank ya’ verra much.” Okay, so it wasn’t a good Elvis impersonation, but it was a good try.

He turned the page, glad to see it about over….he wasn’t sure how much more he could take and laughed out loud again. “Oh God…our Halloween stuff.” Then he remembered. “Hey…wait a minute. I had these already at my house. How’d you…”

Ben straightened his legs out and kicked Nick’s foot. “I’ve been trying to tell you…you can’t trust me at your house, dude!”

“You took the pictures!? You little twerp!”

“If he hadn’t, I’d never have found that photographer…so hush. Now they’re in an album for you.”

Nick pointed to funny things in the pictures for Rosalie, scooting over in the chair as she slid into the seat with him, curling up under his arm. “That was fun, Nicky.”

“Yeah…it was.” He kept looking, letting Rosalie turn the pages for him and moaned at the pictures from New York City. “Oh, Lani…these came out nice.”

“Yeah, they really did…I love the ones of the church.”

“Yes…very nice. That was…”

“It was an amazing trip.”

He looked up to her, seeing the desire back in her eyes, and the sadness at the memories of the WTC site. Amazing. Yes, that it was. He nodded and went back to the album when Rosalie tapped his tummy. “Looky, Nick.”

“Ah…first day of school, guys?”

“Yup…and don’t we look fly as hell?” They looked like any other kid in school, but for all of them, that was honestly a first. Normally they looked like…well, like hell. As little as Ben cared about his appearance, he was glad he didn’t have to care anymore. He just fit in like everyone else.

“Fly? Uh, yeah. Fly. Nice threads…where’d ya get ‘em?”

“Some dude took pity on us and tossed ‘em out of his car.”

Finally, Nick reached the end and fell silent again. Somehow, someway, someone had taken pictures of the clean up at his house from the summer. Steve was hanging from the curtain rod, waiting on Nick’s return. Ben was buried under a pile of papers in the office, Nick was stepping carefully on and over his broken CD’s and cases. “Who took these?”

“Ron. He had a little disposable stuffed in his pocket I guess. I had no idea.”

“Wow…”

“I wanted them in there…so we’d never forget. So I’d never forget…”

“Yeah…I like this…” he flipped the last page over and closed the album, looking up to the 12 expectant eyes before him. “…but I still don’t get why this frame is empty. And it’s so pretty…”

Solana stood and walked over to him, reaching out her hand for him to hold. “Come with us…you’ll see.”

She led him into the family room that had, up to this point, been dark all evening. Flipping on the switch, he could see why. It had been temporarily transformed into a photo studio. Peeking around a backdrop screen, their photographer smiled and held a piece of mistletoe. “Merry Christmas, Nick.”

“What the…and I’m NOT kissin’ you, dude.”

“Good, I’m not kissing you, either. Now get over here…you get the stool.”

The kids pushed Nick into the fake studio and he plopped down onto the stool, still confused, still feeling very lost. Solana leaned over and tightened his tie, winking knowingly as he caught her eye. “What’s going on?”

“Well …this is really Ben’s idea…”

Looking up to his junior mirror image, he questioned with his eyes. “If we’re going to have a portrait, Nick…

…it’s not a family portrait until you’re in it.”

“Ack! Hang on…forgot to set the security thing.” Solana ran back into the house and quickly pushed her code in and closed the door again, sliding into Nick’s truck with an apology. “Sorry…still not used to it, yet.”

“She forget every morning.” Rosalie was content as content could be, buckled into the back of Nick’s big truck sandwiched between Kitty and Ben. The only better place would have been up front with Nick. But she wasn’t allowed.

“Hush you…I’m trying.”

“How’s that going…nothing from Steve?”

“No, in fact, he’s being sickeningly sweet lately.”

“It’s an act!” Ben had seen the act in action at the center and wasn’t amused. It made him sick that he got away with the mess at Nick’s house all for the price of playing with a bunch of little kids. Hardly costly. Although to overhear Steve bitching about it in school, you’d think he had potty patrol or something.

“Well good. Maybe my hunch was wrong.”

“I’m glad…and you’re right…I do rest better with that stupid thing.”

“Good. I do too.” They shared a glance, both somewhat oddly relieved at the interruption in their moment. They weren’t going to force this any longer. Timing was everything and if her job was on the line if they started dating, then the timing was wrong. End of story.

“Okay, so where are you taking us?”

“Actually, to the center. Barry let me keep everybody’s stuff there.”

Now Solana was the one questioning and Nick was in the know. He much preferred it this way.

When they got to the center, Nick stopped them all before they got out. “Now, guys…I have stuff for each of you…but we’ll do that later. This is kinda for everyone, okay?”

Doors flew open, brothers bopped sisters on the head, Rosalie jumped dead into a puddle and Nick and Solana could do nothing but stand and watch the fiasco unfold. Shaking his head at the clan, Nick took Solana’s hand as they walked in. “I have no idea how my mother did it…five of us. It’s a miracle she’s not dead.”

“What’s the miracle is that she didn’t kill any of you!”

“You got that right…we sure tempted her enough.”

“I think we all have a death wish as kids…I know I pushed every button my mother had…probably found a few she didn’t know about either.” Solana unlocked the door and quickly punched in the security code. “And see what you’ve done…we reactivated the thing here too.”

“Good…now you’ll definitely want ‘em.”

“Why?”

Nick flipped on the light and uncovered his surprise.

“Computers!?”

Three were out on a table, hooked up to a printer and scanner, equipped with headsets, stacks of educational games and of course game-games…kids need to be kids. Two were still in boxes. Solana stood in shock and the kids all grabbed chairs or spots around them and went to work clicking, opening, playing and squealing.

“These stay here at the center.” Nick pointed to the boxes, “One goes home with the Casey’s and one goes home with you.”

“Nick…”

“Shh…I got you both a year of cable internet service…and I’ll do it here too if you want. Didn’t know for sure with security and all of that. You’d have to watch the older kids.”

“Nick…”

“What?”

“Why…we already have…you didn’t have to…wow.”

“Yours is a dinosaur. Rosalie is getting to the point where she’s gonna wanna use it more…just hush.”

“Nick…”

He looked at her firmly and pointed to the kids, reminding her what this was about. They were having the time of their lives. “Merry Christmas. End of story.”

End of story. She opened her mouth to say something else, but quickly closed it when she saw Ben lean over and bring Rosalie up to his lap, showing her a game that was geared for the preschool set. He could have done something for himself, but instead, he took these few moments and showed her things she would enjoy. Computers…they were just the symbol of what Nick had really given them this year. He had given them all so much more. He had given himself so much more.

Ben tucked Rosalie in bed that night, and walking out of her room he groaned and wiped his face dry. “My God, she kisses wet.”

“Aw, bud…that just means she likes you.” Solana gave Ben a kiss too…a drier one and on the cheek. He much preferred that to Rosalie’s over-pucker on the lips. “Thanks for doing that though.”

“Eh, no problem. She’s a riot.”

“That she is…I think Nick’s ready to go. You’d better find your shoes and head on out.”

“Thanks for everything tonight, Miss Romero.”

“Thank you! It was a special night, huh?”

“Yeah…sorry we, uh…broke up your moment in the kitchen.”

Solana blushed and giggled low and deep, looking to the floor, hoping for a piece of fuzz or something so she didn’t have to look up at the ornery teen. Brat. “Yeah, well…” Voila! She found one. “…it needed to be broken up. We can’t do that right now.”

“Whatever you say, Miss Romero. I just wish you two would get on with it. If I’m frustrated, I can’t imagine how you two must feel.”

“You’re right…you can’t imagine!” She stood up straight and shoved the fuzz into his hand, kissing his cheek again. “You can’t push these things, though…it’s a good lesson for all of us to learn.”

Ben nodded, knowing she was talking about Erin too. Timing. Waiting. Patience. Sucked. Necessary.

He kissed her cheek, something he had never done before, and met his family out in the truck.

“God, man…what were you doing in there!?”

“Shut up, Jack…I was puttin’ Rosalie to bed.” Ben looked at Nick for a bit of support and definitely got it.

“She tends to fart around, Jack…the Queen of Dilly Dally.”

“You got that right. God, she knows every trick.”

Nick started the truck, looking to make sure everyone was buckled in and then chuckled to himself…since when did he care about seat belts? Since he started carting around meaningful cargo.

“She try to teach you Spanish?”

“Of course. And I suck at it. I can’t do the d’s and t’s right.”

“Soft…almost like a ‘th’.”

“Yeah, yeah…whatever. She’s in bed and I’m headed there. I’m dead.”

And so was the rest of the family. In the short drive back, Liz and Jack had both fallen asleep and Kitty wasn’t too far behind. “Okay, guys…we’re home!”

“Huh? Oh…” Jack woke up first, kicking Liz in the foot to stir her. “We’re home.”

“Mmm…okay.” She stretched out, unbuckled her seat belt and laid down in the seat that Jack had just vacated.

Kitty scooped up her sister, groaning under her weight. “You could try a little here, Liz…jeez.” Looking up front to Nick and her brother she offered a strained smile. “Thanks for everything, Nick. Need help getting that thing in the house?”

“Nah, Ben can help. We’ll be up in a minute.”

They watched everyone go inside and sat quietly for a few moments. Nick would visit for a bit tomorrow and give his more personal gifts, but after that, he’d be gone again for a few more weeks. Christmas and New Year’s shows called, and Ben was already missing him.

“So, you coming to Chicago to see me?”

“Yes! Your manager chic…whoever called Mom and they arranged it all last week. Twelve days!”

“Is that all? Cool. You can come to the show and then we can just hang out there for a few days.”

“Yeah, it’ll be cool.”

“You okay with flying alone?”

“I think so…not so sure Mom’s okay with it.”

“Yeah, I bet. Well, I’ll talk to her tomorrow…let her know you really won’t be alone except on the plane.”

Ben nodded and looked out of the window over to Erin’s house, and heaved a sigh. “I have a gift for her, but…”

“…is she even talking to you?”

“Yeah, kinda. Sorta. When Steve’s not around. He was sick last week, so we ate lunch together.”

“Maybe…you’re just supposed to be friends.”

“Maybe. She’s not happy, Nick.”

“I know, but you can’t fix everything. She’s gotta do it herself.”

Ben nodded and looked back to Nick. “So that photo album was okay? I know it’s not much, but…”

“Are you kidding? It’s everything! I love it. Been trying to figure out how I can get it on my carry-on without breaking my back. I wanna take it with me.”

“Make Tony carry it.”

“Ah…now that’s a plan!”

“Hey, um…I have something for you, but I don’t wanna give it to you in front of everyone else.”

“You didn’t have to…”

“Yeah, yeah…but I…well, it’s just something I want you to have. Can I give it to you now?”

“Yeah, sure…want me to come in?”

“Nah, wait out here…I’ll be right back.”

Nick leaned back in his seat and let his mind wander back to the scene in the kitchen that night…to Solana. To that dress. To her hair, her face, her legs, her lips. To that damned look in her eyes. Three months until the year was up…and god knew what could happen in that length of time. He didn’t want to lose her, but had to trust fate. And if it did happen…damn, they were going to be good together.

“Okay, I’m back.”

“Huh? Oh…yeah…sorry.” Nick sat up in his seat, hoping Ben didn’t notice the tent forming in his pants. Thank god for dark fabric and a dark car. Jesus.

“Oh, and uh…I apologized to Miss Romero already, but uh…sorry we interrupted y’all there.”

How did he know that’s where his mind was? Damn. “Eh, that’s okay…I’ll pay you back some day.”

“You guys are driving each other crazy.”

“Yeah, I know…probably a good thing I’m gone so much. I’m just always afraid I’ll come back and she’ll have met someone.”

“Aw, man…no way! She’s probably afraid of the same thing.”

Nick shrugged and wanted to change the subject. Too depressing. “So, uh…whatcha got for me?”

“Oh, yeah…well…” Ben handed him the wrapped box and immediately blushed. “All of my money went to the photo album stuff, but I wanted you to have this…”

“You pitched in for that?”

“We all did, yeah. I’m saving for something else now though.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“A stereo for my room.”

“Your room? You guys moving?”

“I hope. Saw some house books on the kitchen table last month. I overheard mom talking about it to someone…guess we have to fix up a bunch of shit at our house before it goes on the market though.”

“Yeah, probably…”

“But someday I’m gonna have my own room…and I want music. So, that’s what I’m saving for.”

“Sounds good…sounds good.” Nick looked down at the package and started to open it, remembering Rosalie’s excitability only a few hours earlier. “I can’t imagine what Rosalie’s gonna be like Christmas morning.”

“She’s gonna be wild, huh?”

“Yeah…wish I could be there.” He slowly removed the paper and lifted the lid to the box.

“You’ll be home though, won’t you?”

“Yep…gotta see my fam-“ Nick stopped talking when he saw what was in the box. “…Ben…this is your…”

“…baseball trophy. I know. I want you to have it.”

“No, man…no, no, no. You earned this…it’s yours!”

“And I want you to have it. Please? I just…you…I mean…” Ben ran his hand through his hair, frustrated at his lack of mastery over the English language. “Damn, maybe I should stick to Spanish.”

Nick waited silently for Ben to get his thoughts together, pulling the trophy out of the box and reading the plaque. “First place champions. Pony League 2002. Dairy Queen. Benjamin Casey, pitcher.”

“I pitched, but you…you did that, Nick. I couldn’t…I mean…” Ben sighed and looked to Nick with a tear threatening to slide out of his eye. “Just keep it, please?”

Seeing the sincerity in Ben’s eyes, Nick couldn’t argue any further. “Yeah, okay. It’ll go in my cabinet, alright?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought…with the stuff from the other fans…”

“Yeah, front spot. Although, you’re not a fan. Maybe I’ll find someplace else for it.”

“No, in the cabinet…”

Nick looked back to Ben and used his knuckles to gently wipe away the tear that had escaped from Ben’s eye. “Okay…”

“Cuz you know…I am a fan. The biggest one you’ll ever have.”

Home sweet home. It never felt as homey, never felt as sweet as it did after a long time away from it. And Nick planned on soaking in every free moment he had…at home.

It had been a month since he’d stepped foot in his house and almost two months before that. Touring had been exhausting, exhilarating, encouraging. No Backstreet Boys crowd sizes, but he filled the venues fine, made a good amount of money and more importantly, made himself and his fans very happy. That was his goal, he achieved it and now…it was time to rest.

But first, he needed to unwind, so after a long, hot shower, a cold beer and a call to the local pizza joint for dinner, he headed into his studio to beat out some frustration and tension on the drums. If only he could make it in there.

What stopped him was something new at the end of his hallway. When he left before Christmas, it had been decorated with a small table and a decorative mirror on the wall. One he had to have replaced after the break in. But now…it had been replaced again.

With the family portrait.

Obviously Ben had brought it sometime during his trip, never mentioning it in any phone calls or visits. Little snot. It looked great. And it really was perfect right here. Everyone looked wonderful that night…and the picture captured it beautifully. What a good looking gang they were.

As he took one last look at the picture as a whole, and of course spent an extra moment gazing at Solana…man, she was stunning that night…he turned to head into the studio. But, he was stopped yet again. This time, by his ringing cell phone.

“’lo?”

“Nick?”

“Lani, hey…” Nice timing.

“Okay, tell me I don’t have your schedule screwed up and you’re really at home.”

“You don’t have my schedule screwed up and I’m really at home.”

“Thank you, smarty…um, I uh…” He could hear her cover the receiver and speak to someone in the background. “I’m TRYING! Now shush!” More knocks and pings went on and finally, she came back to Nick. “Sorry…Katy. Pain in my BUTT…anyway, I’m really sorry to bother you.”

Nick cracked up at the two women goofing off, wondering what they could be up to. No good, he was sure. “You never bother me, Lani…whatcha need?”

“An extra set of hands.”

“’scuse me?”

“Well, I, uh…I’m in the emergency room.”

“What!? You okay?” Giving up on the studio, he went back into his kitchen and started pacing.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I sliced the hell outta my finger and…I’ve got Rosalie here and she’s…well, it’s just not working.”

“You need me to come get her?”

“Well, either that or stay with me and Katy can take her back to her house.”

“NO! I wanna go home with Nicky!”

Yep, Rosalie had one tied on alright. So much for relaxation. “Okay, I’m on the way…you at General?” He immediately turned back down the hall to change back into jeans and find some socks…somewhere in the mess from his travel clothes. There had to be a clean pair somewhere.

“Yeah, dammit…I’m so sorry, Nick.”

“What the hell for? Just…are you sure you’re okay?” Where the hell were clean socks?

“Yeah, bleeding’s slowed down and all, but there’s a good chunk just hanging here from the pad of my finger.”

“Jesus…”

“I’m okay…just embarrassed.”

“Only you would be embarrassed.” Ah-ha! Clean socks. In the drawer. How novel. He sat on the edge of his bed and put them on, not wanting to hang up with her for fear she’d pass out from blood loss or something. He knew he was being melodramatic, but…well, he was worried.

“Yeah, yeah, give me crap while I’m down.”

“Stop it. Okay, almost ready. ER at General…just come on back and they’ll know where you are?”

“Right now I’m still waiting…if you don’t see us, just ask. I’ll tell them to expect you.”

“Okay. You sure you’re alright?”

“Nick…I’m fine. I’m bloody, pissed and wanting to kill my daughter for doing nothing more than being three. Just save her life and we’ll be fine.”

“One knight in shining…uh…blue jeans on the way.”

“One damsel in distress waiting patiently. Thanks.”

Nick poked around the waiting area, trying to keep the heeby-jeebies at bay. He could do hospitals, he really could, but something about the ER gave him the creeps. Probably not knowing what catastrophe could be wheeled by you at any minute contributed to his discomfort. That and…the sounds, smells…just…ick.

He heard Rosalie back in a private corner, singing a Rosalie-composed song and had to chuckle. Yeah, he could see how her energy would not be real welcome in a small, confined area…especially if you were in pain.

“Hey…”

“Nicky! Take me home!” Rosalie hopped off Katy’s lap and ran to Nick, wrapping her arms around his legs and almost knocking him off balance.

“Woah…slow down, kiddo. Come here.” He bent down and scooped her up, looking into her eyes. “What’s this about you givin’ mom trouble, huh? She makes enough trouble on her own.”

“I’m bored.”

“You’re bored, huh? How do you think Mami feels?” He looked to Solana, asking just that with the concern on his face…and a soft question. “You okay?”

“Yeah…just wish they’d call me back already.”

“I’m hungry too.”

“You are? Wanna hit McDonald’s?”

“No…I want sketti.”

“Rosalie, I can’t cook spaghetti.”

“Yes, you can…Mami started.”

“Rosalie…no. Let Nick take you to McDonald’s or something…we’ll have sketti tomorrow.”

“NO! Want sketti!” She weaseled her way down from Nick and climbed up on a chair, crossing her arms in a full pout. She was very good at it.

“Why don’t I take her back…I can finish your dinner.” Katy got up and offered Nick her chair, which he politely refused. Instead he knelt down next to Solana and took hold of her injured hand and started to unwrap the gauze to investigate.

“NO! I want Nick! I want sketti!”

Solana leaned in and whispered so Miss Pout couldn’t hear. “I have Spagettio’s if you wanna just do that…she should be okay.”

Nick just nodded, too busy concentrating on not hurting her, but wanting to see how badly she’d sliced herself. When he finally reached skin, he pulled back at the dried blood and…damn, the entire pad of her finger was hanging. “Good God, Lani…you did a number on yourself. What were you doing?”

“Slicing squash…for sketti.”

“You’re supposed to slice the vegetables, not you.”

“You think? I was going for some extra protein.”

“It’s not bleeding too bad…”

“Nope, not anymore. Just gross and my whole arm’s throbbing.”

“Yeah, I bet. They said you should be going in soon when I got here…you sure you’re okay?” He started rubbing her arm, wanting to somehow soothe it all away. Looked painful. Not horrid, but…she was going to hurt for a few days.

“Nick, I’m fine…just get Ro out of here and I’ll be perfect.”

“Okay…” He didn’t want to leave, but he didn’t think she needed a conniption from Rosalie either. He kissed her finger before he bandaged it back up and held out his hand for Rosalie to take hold of. “Alright, girl…let’s go make sketti.”

“YAY! Be good for the doctor, Mami!”

“Yes, baby…I’ll be good.”

“Maybe he give you a sucker!” Rosalie stood in front of Nick and lifted up her arms. “Carry me.”

“Carry you? You can’t walk?”

“No…carry me.”

Looking into her begging brown eyes, he could hear the echo of Ben and Tony’s “meow”-ing in his head and smiled with pride. He couldn’t imagine it any other way. If this was pussy whipped, well then…whip away.

“You be good for Nick, now!”

Rosalie wrapped her arms around Nick’s neck and laid her head on his shoulders. She was going to be good…she was with Nick!

“Okay, you sit here and we’ll make sketti.” Nick plopped Rosalie on the counter and started opening cabinets looking for the canned foods. Glasses. Plates. Spices. Baking dishes…where in the hell…?

“What you doing? It’s all out over there.”

“Ah, well we’re going to make Nick’s sketti.” Finally finding the right cabinet, he pulled out a can of Spagettio’s and went to the can opener. A meal fit for a…knight in shining blue jeans. And his trusty maiden.

“No, Nicky. I want REAL sketti. Not this. This for lunch.”

“Rosalie, hon…I don’t cook.”

“Yes you do. You cook good boogers.”

“Boog-…oh, hamburgers…yeah, I cook good hamburgers. Spaghetti is a bit more complicated.” He opened the can and started searching for a pan. There was no way in hell he was making anything else.

“You can do it. Let me down.” She scooted to the edge of the counter and held her hands up for him to take hold of her.

“Why?”

“Please???”

Damned brown eyes. He gave up his search for a pan and got her off of the counter. “What are you doing?”

“We going to cook sketti. Veggies are in the frig.”

“She took the time to put the stuff away?”

“Yeah, Mami’s very clean…except the cloth over there…yuck.”

Nick looked to where Rosalie’s eyes had wondered and grimaced. Yuck was right. Solana had obviously done a heavy amount of bleeding before they took off for the ER. Damn…

“Okay, but Ro, hon… I mean it. I cannot cook.”

“Yes you can. She have it aaallll out.” Rosalie continued with her mission, pulling a chair from the table to the stove. Before climbing up, she got the vegetables out of the refrigerator while Nick just stood and watched her work. “Okay…we just need ‘ronis and…meat.”

“Rosalie…I cannot do this.” She had no clue. And he was beginning to see that the word that had been used on him as a small child…precocious…wasn’t as much of a compliment as he used to think it had been. Precocious meant “brat with dazzling eyes”, at least with this little one.

“I want sketti, Nicky. We make sketti.”

Suddenly, Nick had an idea. “Wait! Wait, wait, wait. Stop the presses.”

“What? Stop what presses? What’s a press?”

Nick chuckled and lifted her back to the counter top by the stove. “Jack cooks. Maybe he can help. We’ll make the sketti…” He peeked into the refrigerator and smiled. Score. Bag salad. “…toss up a salad…” Hoping for luck in the freezer he smiled again. “…and heat up some garlic bread. Have a nice dinner here waiting for Mami and Katy when they get back.”

“Jack can cook?”

“Yep…let’s call Jack.”

“I can get the door, Katy…” Solana reached around her body and clumsily pulled the passenger door closed with her left hand. Well, she tried anyway. Hearing it only partially latch, she looked up to Katy who was still standing outside of the car and offered up a cheesy grin. She hated being dependant on someone. Absolutely hated it.

Solana’s stubbornness was nothing new. The harder something was to do, the more convinced Solana was she could do it. Katy had learned to tolerate it quietly. Because the most frustrating part of Solana’s stubbornness? It always paid off. Every stinkin’ time.

Shaking her head, Katy pushed the door closed with her hip and got into the car, scolding Solana with her eyes. “You’re a lousy patient, you know that?” Making sure Solana’s belt was buckled tight, she started the car.

“I never wanted to be a patient, so yeah…I’m lousy at it. This hurts, dammit.”

“Well, you could have accepted the pain pills the doctor gave you.”

“No, I don’t wanna be loopy. I still have to deal with Rosalie tonight.” Solana leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Maybe if she thought about something else her finger would quit throbbing.

Or maybe not.

Stopping at the traffic light outside of the hospital, Katy snapped her fingers in Solana’s face. “Hello!? I’m here…you can ask for help. In fact, you don’t even have to ask. I’m helping.”

“I’m fine. You and Nick have done enough already.”

“Yeah…and Nick! You’re off duty tonight. We’ll take care of everything.”

“No…Katy…please. I can’t ask any more of either of you.”

“Solana…what is the deal, girl? We’re your friends…or whatever. What is Nick anyway? Besides really hot.”

Solana rolled her head over to glare at her friend. “If you think he’s so hot, why don’t you take him?”

“Because I think he has his sights on someone I care about…I don’t play that way.”

“Mmm…well, it’s mutual. Hands off.”

“So, are you two an item or not?”

“No. We can’t, Katy. Ben is my client. For a few more months anyway.”

“Ben’s leaving you?”

“Well, as a client, yes. Just got word that in light of how well the first 3 quarters of their time has gone, he will be legally released from the program in March…when their year is up.”

“That’s wonderful, Lani! He’s come a long way.”

“Yep…they both have. We all have.”

“So, what are you waiting for?”

“I just told you, Kate…unethical. No.”

“Bullshit.”

“What!? What’s bullshit about respecting my job?”

“You’re using that as an excuse…and you know it…this has to do with your heart. And your daughter.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

Solana used her one healthy hand and flipped off her friend, blowing a kiss behind the gesture.

“Don’t abuse your good hand…it’ll fall off.”

“Well then I’m saving myself some grief. I can’t slice it off if it falls off on its own.”

“You’re a pill…and your daughter is probably having the time of her life with him right now.”

“Probably…but, Katy. I can’t do this just because he’s good with kids.”

“No, you can’t…he has to be good with you…Rosalie will follow because of that.”

“Exactly. And that’s what I don’t know…don’t trust.”

“Did you SEE the way he looks at you? I’d die for that!”

Solana closed her eyes and smiled, remembering the look of total concern covering his face and his whole demeanor…how gently he unwrapped her finger to investigate…how he let his lips gently linger on it before he put the wrappings back. He made her feel like his queen.

“I’m so afraid, Katy.”

“I know, hon…I know, but Lani…he adores you and yes, he adores Rosalie. She adores him. I don’t see how it could be a bad thing.”

“Rosalie is still just a fun play thing though…he has no idea of the responsibility involved.”

“Maybe he’s getting a taste of that tonight.”

“Yeah…maybe. God, now I’m scared to go home.”

Miraculous timing seemed to be the theme of Solana’s day…just as she finished her sentence, Katy turned down her street. “Well, tough, cuz you’re not spending the night with me.”

“You’re a real friend.”

“You know it…” Pulling into the driveway, Katy took one more look at Solana. “Well…let’s see how they did, huh?”

Solana nodded and awkwardly undid her seat belt and door with her left hand. She had no idea why, but suddenly she felt like whatever she found inside would give her the answers she’d been seeking about Nick, about Rosalie, and about how they all fit together.

Or didn’t.

But they never once paused to admire Mr. Hanratty’s colorful artwork. They were too busy splashing in his cans of paint. Then his floor caved in and everyone followed Walter’s bed down through the hole.

Down and down fell Walter, Miss Hattie, Mr. Matty, Aunt Batty, Patty and Natty, Mr. Hanratty, Fatty Cat, seventeen cans of paint, the stamps…

Nick stopped reading and looked to Rosalie, waiting on her to join him. Having heard the pattern grow and repeat throughout the story, she had it memorized now. He squeezed his arm more tightly around her as they continued together.

…the TV, the spaghetti, the bed, and all.

“K, page turn, Ro.”

Rosalie turned the page and gasped. “Look at the big mess!”

“Kinda like the kitchen was when we were done cookin’, huh?”

She giggled and snuggled into the chair and his body, waiting to hear the end of the story. “Read more.”

Maestro Ferlingatti and his string quartet were astonished by the colorful crowd that fell from the ceiling.

“What’s ‘stonished?”

“Ashtonished? Um, it’s very surprised. Like you’d be if a bunch of people crashed through your ceiling.”

“’stonished? I’d be scared!”

“Yeah, I think I would be too.”

The Maestro loved an audience, even if they dropped in unannounced. But when Walter’s bed smashed through the floor and paint splattered everywhere, the Maestro wished his audience would leave. And so they did, along with his string quartet.

“Uh-oh. Page turn?”

“Yep…page turn.”

Maestro Ferlingatti’s practice room floor was also the basement ceiling. It was dark and quiet as midnight down there. Walter squeezed his eyes closed and tumbled through the darkness until he landed on something soft…

“Hey guys! I’m ho-…” Solana stopped seeing the sight in front of her. From the front door, all she could see was the back of Nick’s head and a tuft of brown curls peek ever so slightly from the side of his arm. They were so involved in whatever it was they were intimately doing, they didn’t even hear her come in.

She bent over to take off her shoes, using Katy as a support. Taking a deep breath when her feet were freed, she stopped again…what was that smell?

Spaghetti? Garlic? No frickin’ way.

She looked back to Katy who was smiling like she’d just guessed the lottery numbers. “Oh hush. I see your know-it-all look.”

Katy whispered, not wanting to break the spell in the room. “I’m out. I think you’re in good hands. Call if you need anything?”

“Yeah…thanks, girl.”

“Muah…and Lani?”

“Yeah?”

“If you let that man walk out of your life?”

Solana put her hand on her hip, waiting impatiently for Katy’s words of wisdom. “Uh-huh…”

“I will take him for myself. Cuz you wouldn’t deserve him.”

Solana smiled and kissed her friend’s cheek as she snuck out of the door. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He opened his eyes. Everything was in its place. His bedroom lights were out. The door was almost closed and through it Walter could hear his mother and father talking quietly.

Making her way inside, Solana walked lightly, not wanting to disturb Nick and Rosalie, but wanting to watch, to enjoy, and damn…to sniff this food. It smelled great!

“No more jumping on the bed for me,” mumbled Walter as he lay back down to sleep.

Nick looked up seeing movement out of the corner of his eye, but when he saw Lani put her finger to her lips, he kept it to himself so Rosalie would keep listening to the story. Winking at Solana, he went back to finish the tale. “Page turn.”

“Last page, Nicky.”

“Yep…then we get to eat!”

“YUM!”

Suddenly he heard a creak, the ceiling cracked,…

“Oh no!!!”

…and down came Delbert, bed and all.

Rosalie joined him for the final words of the book, using her hands to tell the story.

Down and down fell Delbert…

“So it was REAL!? Delbert broke the floor from jumping on his bed?”

“That’s what it looks like…he must jump hard!”

“I don’t have anything under my floor.”

“Then you can jump all you want to, huh?”

“YEAH!” Rosalie hopped up and started jumping up and down on the floor and stopped quickly when she caught a glimpse of her mother standing by the table. “Mami! How your hand?”

“Hey, baby…it’s okay.” She squatted down to give her a hug and looked over the child’s shoulder to Nick, amazed at what she had seen. At what she had felt. At the food.

At her answers.

He could do it. He really could.

She had run out of excuses.

“I, uh…well, I got some help, but we finished your dinner.”

“I see that. You didn’t have to, Nick.”

“Well, you know Rosalie…yeah, I did.”

Looking sternly into her daughter’s eyes, Solana asked, “Did you give him trouble?”

“No…but Mami. Skettios is for lunch. Sketti is for dinner! So, we made dinner.”

“You, young lady, are stubborn.”

“Can’t imagine where she learned that!” Nick walked over to Solana and led her to the table, pulling out her chair and lighting the candles he’d found to decorate the setting.

“Hush you. I’m handicapped now. You can’t abuse me.”

“Did you slice it on that mandarin thingy?”

“Yep…sliced as good as if it was squash.”

“You know, there’s that push thing to use when you get to the end. Jack showed me how to do it.”

“Jack?”

“Oh…yeah…Jack. He helped.” He was not going to get embarrassed for asking for help. Not too many months ago he’d complimented Ben on his ability to ask for help when needed. It had to apply to him too. Forget that it was from an eight year old. Please.

“Well, I’ll be…that’s sweet. And yeah, I know about the push thingy. It was a wobbly neck, so I was using my finger to support it and…slice!”

“OUCH! Mami! Don’t talk about it any more. Ick.”

Nick served the girls their plates and went back to load up his own. “Does the food look alright? We were guessing big time.”

“Looks perfect…veggies look done just right…” She awkwardly cut a chicken piece a bit smaller, trying not to grumble at having to use her left hand, and scooped up a forkful of the chunky marinara, pasta and meat. “…mmm…oh god, Nick. This is perfect.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No…totally perfect. Rosalie, you need the chicken cut up a bit?”

“No, I do it. Jack showed me how to use my fork as a knife.”

As Nick took his seat, Solana didn’t take her eyes off of him. She couldn’t. She was afraid if she did, the dream would evaporate and her finger would heal and the truth would be that this night really never happened.

But, just like Walter in the storybook, she realized that it wasn’t a dream. It was real. Her finger really throbbed. Her daughter had a light in her eyes that she had never seen before. Dinner was finished, served and catered by a man who had been her knight in shining blue jeans. Her heart…was open…and she was falling for him fast.

Down and down fell Solana…

“Okay, young lady. That’s the end of the movie…time for bed.” Solana stretched from her cozy position on the couch and Nick shifted his gaze to Rosalie. Pure thoughts. He could do it…if he just focused on the child.

“I’m not sleepy.”

“It’s still bedtime. Who’s gonna tuck you in?”

Rosalie never missed an opportunity to delay. So, with her hand on her hip and her toe softly tapping, she stood before her two options and contemplated. Nick or Mami? Mami or Nick? Business or pleasure? Injured or whole? Tough decisions required time. Lots of it.

And Nick remembered these games. He played them, and his brother and sisters were masters at it. So, he took charge of the situation. “How ‘bout we both do it? A double tuck?”

“Oooh! Yeah! I’ve never had a double tuck!”

“You’re gonna love it…let’s go, Ro.” Nick picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, stopping to make sure the second half of the ‘double’ was with him. “You comin’, gimp?”

“I can walk, weinie. I just can’t…write. Crap.” Realizing what she just said, she smacked her forehead with her good hand and stopped walking. “How am I gonna do my job tomorrow?”

“Rely on Patty?”

“I hate relying on people.”

Tossing Rosalie on her bed as she squealed and bounced, he turned to Solana and poked her in the nose with his finger. “Sometimes, it can be very rewarding…might wanna try it.”

Pretending to bite, she ignored him and focused on her daughter. She didn’t want to think about tomorrow. Tonight was going too well. “Okay, Chiquita…which nightie?”

After decisions on a huge Aaron t-shirt to wear, the Christmas Kitty from Nick to sleep with, a practice bed-jumping session in honor of her new book with Nick, a special kiss for Aaron’s poster…since Nick would get a real one, of course…and finally, a second trip to the bathroom, Rosalie finally got her first ever double tuck.

Solana took the bedside by the wall and Nick took the other. Rosalie laid back on her back and got a serious case of the giggles. They held the blanket up on each side and lowered it around her neck at the same time, tickling from either side, making the giggle fit escalate to dangerous levels.

“Okay, no kisses ‘til you stop giggling.”

“I…can’t…stop…” Nick tickled her again just as soon as she caught her breath.

Looking up to him with horribly acted anger, Solana mumbled through clenched teeth. “You wanna be tucking her in all night?”

“Uh, no…good point.”

Rosalie finally calmed down, seeing that Mami was almost at her final straw with the games and took a deep breath. “Okay…I’m done. Kissy time!”

Nick and Solana dove into Rosalie’s face at the same time, each taking their own side, kissing, zerberting and snarfing until her giggle fest was back in full gear.

Solana took a breath first, lifting up and just watched Rosalie revel in Nick’s affections. She was surely proving Nick’s earlier words that relying on someone…even if it was just for kissy-face love at bedtime, was truly rewarding. But, it was time to be the mom, not the romantic.

“Okay, you two. Sleep time.”

In unison, the snugglers stopped. “Okay, Mami.”

“Te Amo, Rosalie.”

“Te Amo, Mami…Nicky…te amo.”

“Te Amo, Rosalie…thanks for your help tonight.”

“Gooood sketti!”

“Yes, it was good sketti.”

The adults left and closed the door, sighing in relief that all in all, it hadn’t taken too long.

“I think I like double tucks. Much nicer.”

“Yeah…Mom and Dad did that with us. I always slept better.”

Solana nodded and silently made her way back to the kitchen to finish up the dishes. She didn’t want to be reminded that she didn’t have the pleasure of double tucks…and as it stood, it’d only be an occasional treat for her daughter. And most of the kids she dealt with. It wasn’t a pleasant thought.

Nick immediately knew what had silenced her and wanted to kick himself for it. It wasn’t like he was speaking in untruths, but he surely didn’t want to come off as insensitive. “Lani…I’m sorry.”

“Nah…don’t be. It’s my reality…it’s her reality. Normally, I don’t even think about it.”

“I know, but…” Just as she hit the sink and turned on the water, he reached around her and turned it off. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Finishing the pans…”

“Your hand…”

“I can get it wet, Nick. I have to bathe, to clean…it’s okay.”

“Nope. Go sit down. I’ll get these.”

“Nick…”

“Lani…”

Solana growled and folded her arms, leaning up against the counter…looking remarkably like the little three year old they’d just tucked in.

“Pout all you want…” Without further argument from Solana, he turned the water back on and squirt dish soap into the sink, smiling cheesily at his victory.

“You and Katy both…a pain in my ass.”

“You love us.”

“Yeah, she’s convinced I love her too…you’re both delusional.”

Nick ignored her whining and kept cleaning…Ben would be proud. He hand washed nothing and Ben was always on his ass about it… brat. “So, did they give you stitches? Rosalie didn’t seem to want to know about it.

“Yeah, she was freaked out by the blood earlier…actually, they glued it.”

“Glue!?”

“Yeah, check this out…he dribbled and I’ve got this goop all over my wrist now. Feels like plastic or something.”

Nick dried off his hands and took hold of her wrist, running his finger over the glossy line of plastic skin the doctor had slopped there. “He couldn’t have wiped it off?”

“Who knows…”

“So, it’s gonna just heal up that way, huh?”

“Well, he wasn’t sure. He thinks I might lose the pad, but he wanted to try.”

“Ew…what happens if you lose the pad?”

“Nothing. I’ll just need to get re-fingerprinted for work. I guess it kinda grows back but without the lines.”

“Oh weird.”

“Yeah…that’s me. Gotta be different, you know.”

“Now they’ll think you’re a criminal…changing your fingerprint on purpose.”

“Yep, now I can get away with anything!” Guilt for standing still and doing nothing took over and Solana finally grabbed a towel and started to dry the pans. Then she saw the scold in Nick’s eye. “What? I can help some…it doesn’t hurt so bad now.”

“It’s gonna if you don’t leave it alone.”

“Nick, it’s a surface thing. I’ll be fine. Hush.”

So he hushed as they finished, suddenly remembering how exhausted he had started. It was all coming back. “God, I’m beat. Crappy flights this morning…”

“Oh God, Nick…I’m so sorry. I thought you got in last night!”

“Was supposed to, but didn’t make it…” He noticed her picking at her bandages and didn’t care how tired he was. He just wanted to stay. To help. To…never leave.

“Well, I’ve got to get this off…put on a normal band-aid and get to bed myself. I’m gonna have to get up earlier to get ready I think…”

“Probably…you need help with the band-aid?”

She took a breath to say ‘no’ but thought twice about it…yeah. Rely on others. Okay, so far it had been pretty rewarding, darn it. “Yeah…that might be good.”

He followed her down the hall to her bathroom, stopping with her to peek in on Rosalie. “If I didn’t know she was recharging just to drive me crazy again tomorrow…”

“That’s her job, Mami.”

“Yeah, yeah…she does it well. Come on.”

Nick hesitated before going into her bedroom, knowing his mind was nowhere near where it should be. And with Rosalie sleeping, the temptations were loud, strong, clear and…persistent. Sliced finger. Band-aid. Antiseptic. Then get out. Do not pass go. Do not stop anywhere. He could do this. They could do this.

“He said I could just put a regular band-aid on tonight…gave me these funky shaped ones.” Looking up to see him standing nervously in the doorway, she shook her head and pulled him in. “Come on, Carter. I don’t bite.”

What a pity. A little nibble sounded really good about now. “Sorry, yeah…” He took a seat on the closed commode and watched her undo her bandages.

“You’d think my finger was falling off the way they wrapped me up.”

Nick unwrapped the paper from the band-aid and looked at it funny. “How in the hell?”

“Uh…” She giggled looking at the three tabs coming from the padded center. “Hmmm…” Sticking her finger out, she had to laugh at the look on Nick’s face. “The nurse isn’t supposed to get squirmy looking at the wound, now.”

“Well, its gross!”

“Thank you, Florence Nightingale…wrap it around like a normal band-aid and put that flap over the top maybe?”

“Okay…” He took hold of her hand and kissed her finger before covering it again. “Gotta kiss it first…the only way to fix boo-boo’s.”

“But of course.”

He wrapped the band-aid around her finger and kissed it again. And then was stuck with what to do next. Here he sat on her commode, here she stood in front of him…right in front of him, and somewhere between the wrap around the finger and the flap over the finger, her breathing had changed, her voice had changed and…dammit, everything went from clinical to sexual in no time flat.

He slowly looked up into her eyes, hoping he’d find the desire there that he was feeling, and then growing sickeningly nervous when he did. She’d said ‘no’…and he knew ‘no’ was the right answer. So why was ‘yes’ feeling so strong? Why was the right thing always the hardest thing to do?

Still holding onto her hand he stood and brushed a loose tendril of hair from her face. What to say? What to do? What was right? What was wrong? At the moment…it seemed everything was both. Right. Wrong. It was all staring him in the face.

“I…I’d better go, Lani.”

She broke the gaze, looking down at their intertwined fingers, a combination of relief and disappointment flooding through her veins. “Yeah…you’ve had a long day.”

“You gonna be okay?”

She nodded, wondering just what his definition of ‘okay’ really was. Her finger? Yeah, it’d be fine. Her confusion? Uh, no. Hardly okay. But there was nothing that could be done now was there? She’d instilled in him the ethics that she truly believed in. She still did, but knew Katy was right…a lot of it was her fear about Rosalie. But, he’d pretty much killed that fear tonight. Two months…just two more. It could be done.

He led her out of the bathroom and bedroom, already breathing easier just being out of that atmosphere. He needed to get out of the house…totally. But he didn’t want to be away from her.

“So, how ‘bout you and Rosalie come over for dinner tomorrow…so you don’t have to mess again?”

“No, Nick…you’ve done enough.”

“I’m just ordering pizza, woman. No more gourmet meals for me!”

“Still…”

“I’ll call Ben too. To, uh…yeah, I haven't seen him yet and all.” Okay, so he was a buffer for the sexual frustration. Whatever.

Looking into his eyes, she couldn’t resist. “Alright. She’ll enjoy that.”

Okay, they were using both of the kids as a buffer. Eh, sometimes you do what you’ve got to do. But, he didn’t want his meaning to be lost. “So will I.”

Opening the door, she gently pushed him out and leaned her head on the wood frame, watching him walk to his truck. Damned nice thighs…

Before he got in, he stopped and had to take one more glance of her before he left. Just one.

“Mañana, Nick.”

“You know, some day I’m gonna actually be happy to hear that word.”

“Some day I’ll be happy to say it...buenas noches.”

“’Night, Lani.”

Their mañana came and went, with a few more mañanas following. Nick was enjoying his time off, working now and again on promotion of another single, but mostly just relaxing. He’d missed it. He’d missed Ben. He’d missed just goofing off with his friends. He’d missed his family and took a trip to the Keys to be with them, enjoying the rare absence of time constraints that always seemed to cloud their lives.

Tonight he had been invited to Liz and Jack’s school for an achievement fair, displaying work that the kids in the gifted program had done. Jack had to do a miniature talk on his subject, sharks, and Liz’s was a class wide project on the rain forest. Ben had to be the supportive older brother, but was not in the mood. So, Nick agreed to take him separately and they’d go out for some one on one time afterwards. It worked.

“Hey…come on in. Almost ready.” Ben plopped back down on the living room floor, sitting behind a laundry basket overflowing with white clothes. “My turn to fold.”

“I hate folding clothes.”

“Tell me about it. I swear all we have is underwear.”

Nick sat on the couch, raising his eyebrow at the new fabric covering the old furniture. “New couch?”

“New cover…guess who mom talked to tonight before they left?”

“No idea.”

“A realtor. We’re getting the hell out of here.” Ben held up one of Kitty’s bras and shook it. “How many bras does one girl need!?”

“Uh, no idea.” Blushing at seeing Kitty’s under things…she was a child for god’s sake…Nick grabbed at the pile of socks and started matching them up. “Put that thing down…god.”

Tossing it to Nick, Ben continued to tease. “What’s wrong, Nicky…lingerie make you nervous?”

Nick ducked and gingerly picked it up off the couch, tossing it back. “Your sister’s does, yes…” Going back to sorting, Nick stuck his finger through a hole in the toe of one of the boys’ socks. “You’ve worn these out already?”

“Jack. Long assed toe nails.”

Chuckling, Nick changed the subject. Sometimes you learned a little too much about a family while folding their underwear. “Okay, so you leaving Tampa or just the house?”

“House…none of us wanna leave here.”

“Good…seems things are finally going well; it’d suck if you had to leave.”

“Yep. Mom loves her job, school’s as good as school can be…we all have friends. But we gotta get a real house.”

“So, what’d the realtor say?”

“We gotta paint. Get the roof fixed, um…fix the back stoop, somehow dry out the basement. Get rid of the picnic table…generally just fix up the place.”

“Sounds like a lot of work.”

“Work and money. We can do the work…”

“Paint’s cheap.”

“Yep, but a roof isn’t and the basement’s gonna be a pain. He said he’ll get an inspector, but thinks it’ll have to be fixed up. Mom’s all worried now.”

“Who was the idiot who put a basement in a Florida home anyway?”

“No idea…there’s like 5 on the street with basements. They’re always wet, always moldy…it’s just gross. I don’t know what Mom’s gonna do.” Finding a smaller version of Kitty’s bra, he held it up. “Oh look…a mini bra. Liz. She has to hold up what? Two peas?”

“She wants to be grown up like Kitty…”

“Mmmm…and still acts like she’s three half the time.”

“Coming from Sir Maturity.”

“Oh shaddup. Are you done matching?”

“Yep…you’ve got an extra and so does Liz…unless you wear the ones with lace around the top.”

“Yeah, I wear those to bed.” Ben grabbed the extras from Nick and shoved the basket to him. “Stick ‘em all in here…I’ll toss these back in our dirties. Somehow they match up next time.”

“You ready to take off?”

“Yup…ready to be bored off my ass.”

“Ben…didn’t you help Jack with his thing?”

“Yeah…drew some of his pictures and stuff.”

“Then kwitcherbitchin and let’s go see what they’ve got…they’re both proud…”

“I know, I know…” Ben kicked the basket into the hall way and smacked a ball cap on his head. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Nick! Come over here…come look!” Liz must have had her radar up and running. Ben and Nick had barely walked through the doors to the school, no less to the gymnasium where their displays were set up, before she ran up to them.

She dragged him past the older students’ displays to the back of the room where her class’s rain forest project decorated the entire wall.

“Woah…Liz…look at all of this…did you guys do all of it?”

“Yup. All of grade 2 in the GT class.”

He stopped to take it in as a whole, not letting her pull him to a specific point…which frustrated her. But, he was impressed. A bunch of 7 year old kids had, with the simple tools of paper, pen and crayon, created a beautiful temporary mural showing plants and wildlife from the rain forest. Monkeys swung from trees, birds flew and perched on branches, various flowers and shrubs decorated the imaginary walkway.

“Come on, Nick…whatcha lookin’ at?”

“I’m lookin’ at everything…this is incredible!”

Even Ben was amazed. In spite of himself. “Yeah, Liz…where’s yours?”

“Well, I’m TRYing…” She yanked on Nick’s arm one more time and he finally cooperated, following her to a point in the center of the mural. “Here…the blue macaw. By Liz Casey.”

It was sort of a macaw anyway. “Oh cool…where’s your paper on it?”

“Um…” she leaned into her index card by her bird to find her number. “I’m number 24…all the papers are over there.”

They looked at all the collected items from the area, trying some of the foods and admiring other students’ work before getting to the papers. Liz was very proud, as were all of the kids here. They all beamed. At least in this portion. The older kids, who all had to do presentations before judges, weren’t quite beaming.

They were nervous. You could almost feel the tension shift in the room as you walked from the showcase of the second graders into the rows of display tables for the older students. Third grade did animal projects, fourth graders covered important people and fifth grade could pick any topic they wanted. Everyone had a display board, a paper, some form of artifact or item to show and anything else they felt would aid them in sharing what they’d learned about their topic. It made Nick and Ben nervous just looking at the stuff.

Finally, they found Jack, who was busy giving his presentation for a judge. His penchant for talkativeness was guiding him along, helping him charm the socks off of his judge. He could have been talking out of his ass, but she wouldn’t have cared. He was a cute kid with lots to say. A good grade was in the bag.

Once he was done, he shook the hand of his judge and looked up to Nick and Ben, grinning from ear to ear. “This is so cool!”

“You like this!? I’d be a wreck!”

“Yeah, I practiced and stuff, so I don’t have to think about it…just hit ‘play’ on my tape on time is all.”

“What’s on your tape?”

“Lemme rewind.” As Jack messed with his boom box, Nick and Ben snooped through his paper, checked out his display, both impressed with the research Jack had had to do to get some of this information. Even more surprisingly, they both learned something…the little snot. “Okay…here.”

He hit ‘play’ and Nick and Ben cracked up. The Jaws Theme. “You do not do that during your presentation.”

“Yeah, I do…when I talk about the Great Whites. Makes people smile anyway. I got it off the internet!”

“You’re a riot…has your mom seen it yet?”

“Yeah, she was hoping you could take me and Liz home? I think Amy’s sick or something…they went home.”

“Yeah, I’ll hang out…how much longer?”

“Fifteen more minutes.”

Ben groaned and slid down the wall, looking forlorn and dejected. Poor thing. “You can live 15 minutes, Ben. I’m gonna go look at some more stuff.”

“I’ll wait here.”

Nick walked around, hoping no one would recognize him, quietly taking in the students’ work. He’d missed so much of this type of thing in school, always running around to auditions, lessons and performances. Even when he was in school, it was hardly full time. He was beginning to realize how much of normal life he’d really missed.

He was beginning to realize how much of normal life he still longed for. Or was it that his normal was just different from everyone else’s?

“How the HELL do these people get my address?” Nick gingerly pulled his mail out of the over-stuffed box, cradling the letters and packages in his arms. He could move every week and he’d still be found. It amazed him.

Making his way into the kitchen, he dumped the mail onto the counter and immediately started sifting through it, tossing the junk, pulling out the fan mail, stacking the bills and…

…from the courthouse. Finally.

His last report. The final one. The year was almost up. His ‘punishment’ was almost fulfilled. He pushed aside the rest of the mail and sat down on a stool, slowly opening up the envelope.

Sure, he’d done this for three other quarters. Sure, he knew what would be inside. But this one was different. What was the most different was how he felt about it compared to how he thought he’d feel about it almost a year ago.

He figured he’d celebrate. Whoop and holler. Rejoice. Party. Get drunk even. But here he sat with the ugliest cloud surrounding him. And the calmest peace. They had made it, he and Ben. They’d done what they were set out to do. They’d grown, they’d learned, they’d taught and they’d fought. He couldn’t imagine being where he was in his life without Ben’s presence. He also knew that Ben couldn’t be where he was without Nick.

And what about the future? In so many ways it was unknown. And it was exciting. The Casey’s house was officially ‘on the market’. Ben had been on the honor roll since the beginning of the school year, and he only had 2 more months to make it through. Hell, it even seemed that Steve had killed his desire to combat the good in the world. He got the girl and he hung up his devil horns.

Patty was still losing weight, keeping up the house, being the mom she could have always been, but was afraid to try. Afraid to risk and lose. Kitty had a boyfriend who really seemed to care about her. Jack and Liz were excelling in everything they touched. Amy was just a happy baby girl, running everywhere and repeating every word she heard. Even the words no one wanted her to repeat.

It was too much. Too amazing.

And then there was Nick. The partying had all but stopped. The womanizing…he couldn’t remember the last time he’d played that game. And the fear…it was gone. His future was probably more uncertain now than it had been when this escapade began, but yet, he was calm. It’d be okay. He could do whatever he wanted to do…he had it in him to succeed.

And succeed he would.

But, now, it was still time to help the Casey’s. The inspector had decided to let the roof go in hopes that a buyer would want a “fixer-upper”. It wasn’t dangerous, just ugly. But, the house needed a good coat of paint and everyone was going to chip in. Solana had offered up her brushes and pans and Nick missed her. So, this was as good a time as any to make a surprise visit to his favorite social worker.

Stuffing the courthouse report into his basket, he grabbed his keys and took off. Loud music and windows down was definitely the recipe for this trip. He mindlessly drove the familiar route and turned on Solana’s street.

And almost wrecked the truck.

Police cars.

Two of them. One in her driveway, one parked in front, both had their lights on. To say he panicked was an understatement. He had to tell himself to breath. To stop the car. To take the key out of the ignition. To get up out of the car and will his legs to function and get him up to her porch.

The door was open and an officer was standing in the doorway. Nick cleared his throat and was instantly face to face with a cop who couldn’t be one day older than Nick. It was disconcerting.

“You need to go.”

“No, I need to see Lani, please.” Go ahead, tell me again and again. Count to three. Smack hand cuffs on. It suddenly didn’t matter that he just might see a repeat of his first arrest. There were more important matters at hand.

“Who are you?”

“Nick…tell her Nick’s here…please let me in.”

Solana heard Nick’s voice and turned from the officer inside, letting out the strangest combination of moan and squeak in total relief at seeing him there. “Let him in…please. Step aside.”

“Are you sure ma’am?”

“YES! Let him in!” Solana got up, almost tripping over the questioning officer and pushed the door guard away, throwing herself into Nick’s arms. “My God…I can’t believe you’re here.”

“What the hell is going on, Lani? What happened?”

She settled into his arms, grasping at the fabric of his shirt trying to pull herself closer, feel safer, forget the fear that had been wracking her body for the past half hour. But she couldn’t bring herself to talk. He was here. She was safe. That was all that mattered.

Nick held her close, kissing the top of her head, rubbing her back and finally looking up to the officer for answers.

“Break in, sir. Broad goddamned daylight, too.”

“Oh shit…how’d they get in?”

Solana finally pulled back, anger at the whole situation taking over for some of the fear. “My bedroom window, Nick…MY bedroom.”

“Where’s Rosalie?”

“She’s with Katy…I got her out of here fast.”

“Good…” He brought her in close again, caressing her head, running possibilities through his head. None of them were good. “Was your security on?”

“Yeah, I had just turned it on…that’s how the cops got here so fast. They ran though.”

“You thinkin’ Steve?”

“I doubt it, Nick…the one guy I saw was big…big teen or adult. Four running total, but no way was that Steve.”

“Maybe he’s made new friends.”

She nodded, nestling into his neck, never wanting to leave the warmth, the security, the comfort of this place.

“Is someone out looking? We’re just not gonna sit here and have tea are we?”

“No, Mr. Carter…” The officer pulled back when Nick glared at him. Yep. These cops knew him. It was not the kind of comforting feeling he was going for at the moment. “They found some kids running not too far from here. They’ve been taken in for questioning.”

“Good…good.” Nick kissed Solana’s head again, not knowing what to do. What to say. He just wanted this fixed and now.

“Now that you’re here, I think we’re gonna go. Are you going to stay with her, Mr. Carter?”

“Uh…yeah, I can. Do you just want to come to my house, Lani?”

“No…the window. I want to be near Rosalie. I need to stay here.”

“Then I’m staying with you.”

Pulling in closer, Solana actually chuckled. Funny she would actually be thinking of such things at a time like this. Neediness took funny form sometimes. “Could uh…you think you could go get Ben or something?”

Nick pulled back and looked down at the shaking woman in his arms. Fear was making her eyes as big as brown saucers but her natural beauty and the feelings between the two of them wouldn’t be stilled by the fear of the moment. “Yeah…yeah, I’ll go get Ben.” Looking back to the officers, he asked, “Can one of you stay while I go get someone else?”

“Yeah, sure…I’ll stay. She’ll be fine.”

“Thanks.” Pulling her back and looking in her eyes again, Nick leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be right back, I promise. Right back.”

“Be quick, huh?”

“Yep…” One more kiss and he was off, hoping the police were so busy with the break-in that they wouldn’t pay any attention to his speeding and wild driving. He had to get back there and fast. But first…a little extra, uh…protection.

Nick pulled up to the Casey’s and ran to the front door, frantically ringing the bell. Fortunately it was dinner time, and they were usually always home at this hour. He heard the familiar clump of footsteps and wondered if it normally took them this long to answer the door.

“Nick! Oh my god…I’m so glad you’re here.” Kitty opened the screen door and pulled Nick inside, making him trip over the door stop. Nice welcome wagon…what the hell?

“Yeah, uh…where’s Ben? I need him packed and ready for an over night in five minutes.”

“He’s not here, Nick. That’s what I mean.”

“What? Where is he?”

“They just took him and mom.”

“They? They who? Kitty…what’s going on?”

“The cops. They just took him to the police station…”

Not knowing what else to do, Nick headed back to Solana’s house. There was no way Ben was involved in this…none. But, why did they take him in? Why the hell was HE suspect? Why couldn’t someone put out an all points bulletin when it was time for your world to turn on end?

The scene at Solana’s was much more calm than when he had left and that small sign brought him great relief. One car had left and the lights were off…much better. The officer let him in, but Nick didn’t see Lani anywhere. “Where…”

“In her room. She said to send you on back.”

Why the hell was she back there? She wasn’t cleaning up the mess was she? That could be taken care of later. He rushed back, shocked at what he found.

An emotionally beaten Solana. He didn’t think it possible. She was sitting in a rocking chair in the corner of her room, wrapped up in a blanket, curled up as much into a ball as her body would allow. She was staring at…nothing, a breeze lightly blowing the curtains through the broken window.

“Lani…baby…come on out of here, huh?”

Without moving her gaze, she showed that she was more aware than she appeared. “Where’s Ben?”

“Well, uh…yeah.” Kneeling at her side, he found her hands and pulled them out of the blanket, caressing them in his own. “They, uh…they took him in for questioning.”

“NO! NO! They couldn’t! Nick! He had nothing to DO with this!”

“I know, baby, I know…but…well…I just don’t know what’s going on.”

“We have to go…we have to be with him.”

“I was kinda hopin’ you’d say that. Are you sure you’re okay? Why don’t you just stay here? I’ll go.”

“No. I’m coming with you. To hell with my house…let them take whatever the hell they want. Ben’s all that matters now.”

The officer had been standing in the doorway watching them and cleared his throat to interrupt. “Miss Romero?”

“Yes?”

“They think they have all of the perpetrators. I’m sure your home will be safe, but I can bring in an undercover to watch the house while you’re away.”

“They think they have them all? Are you crazy?” Solana stood and threw the blanket on the chair, nearly pushing Nick on his butt as she stormed by him. Nope, she wasn’t beaten at all. No way.

“Ma’am, I’m just telling you what I’ve been told. You said you saw four figures and they’ve brought in four young men for questioning.”

“Well, you’ve got one of them wrong. You tell them that, huh? You have to keep looking.”

“I know nothing about it, ma’am…I just…”

“You just call them and tell them they have the wrong boy. If Benjamin Casey is one of the suspects, they’re going down the wrong road…keep looking!”

“Yes, ma’am…I’ll uh…I’ll let them know what you said. Do you know where Ben was at the time of the break in?”

“I have no idea, but I assure you, he did not do this. Someone else is involved if you think Ben’s one of the four.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll give my commander a call. You go on to the courthouse and I’ll get an undercover here while you’re gone. Do what you need to do.”

“Yes…thank you.” Looking back to Nick, she almost broke down, but realized that it wasn’t time to let all of her emotions out again…she had to be strong for Ben. For Nick. For herself. It was just a broken window right now. No sense getting all philosophical on how violated she felt. Not now. That was for later. “Nick, take me out of here.”

After a short run around to find where Ben would be, they finally reached a hallway that brought back more memories than he cared to have. It had been a year since Nick had been here. And he truly remembered little about it, but the glass door looked sickeningly familiar. God, what Ben must be feeling right now. Had they come full circle? Was it starting all over again?

With a deep breath and a quick kiss to Solana’s forehead, he opened the door and guided her in with his hand to the small of her back.

“Miss Romero! Nick! Oh God…” Ben got up and ran to them, wrapping his arms around Solana first, then quickly breaking free to let Nick swallow him up in the embrace he’d been waiting for all evening. “They wouldn’t let me call…how’d you find out?”

“I stopped by the house…what the hell’s goin’ on, Ben?”

Ignoring Nick’s question, Ben turned back to Solana, taking them back to his bench where his mother sat with a look of complete confusion and exhaustion. Nick and Solana smiled at her, patting her leg and sat down, waiting to hear what Ben had to say. His demeanor was nothing like either of them had expected. He was nervous, to be sure, but a calmness surrounded him that they were honestly both envious of.

“Miss Romero…I’m so sorry this happened. Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine, hon. Rosalie freaked out, but she’s with Katy right now. Probably watching movies or something.”

“Okay…good. Did, um…did they get anything?”

“Nope. We were home. Broken window is all…that and a lot of worry and fear to deal with.”

“That’s the worst part, huh?”

“Yes.” Nick finally stepped into the conversation, getting tired of the love fest going on and wanting some answers. Now. “So, why are you here?”

“You were right, Nick…it was Steve.”

“Jesus…why am I not surprised?”

Patty looked up from her point of concentration on the linoleum tile and joined the conversation. “That kid…I’ve told you to stay away from him for years, Ben.”

“I have, Mom…I’m telling you.”

“Then where WERE you!? Do you understand what’s happening here, Ben? You are in a police station again…they suspect you of this break-in. All the progress you’ve made…we’ve made…is being threatened. Don’t you GET that!?”

“Yeah, mom. I do. And you have nothing to be afraid of. I didn’t do this.”

Patty folded her arms and turned away from the three-some. She wanted to believe in her son, she really did, but honestly she had thirteen years of experience with him telling her otherwise. It was an all to familiar feeling. It made her heart hurt. Here she thought everything was finally going right for them and yet here she was, sitting in the damned courthouse again with a kid who was professing his innocence. Maybe nothing had really changed at all.

Ben looked on either side of him to Solana and Nick and pleaded with his eyes. “You believe me, don’t you? Someone’s gotta believe me.”

Nick looked up to Solana, not sure what to say. Not honestly sure what to think. “Right now, Ben…you need the cops to believe you. I don’t think our opinion matters much right now.”

“It’s all that matters to me. I don’t give a shit what happens…I know what I did and didn’t do. But if you don’t believe me…”

Nick and Solana exchanged another glance and they both knew. Their decision had been made. For better or worse…right or wrong…they really had no other choice.

“We believe you Ben.” Nick wrapped his arm around the teen and pulled him in to lean on him as they sat and waited. “We believe you and in you. This will all work out.”

And that was all Ben needed. It was all Patty needed too. Her body language shifted, as she unfolded from her frustration and opened her heart back up to her son. She had tried so hard with these kids, but when she started having them, she was but a child herself. The mistakes she’d made stared her in the face almost everyday. Things like this just brought it back to the forefront. She tried her best, especially now, but as every mother learns…sometimes your best isn’t enough.

But suddenly, it felt like this time anyway, it just might do the trick.

Ben stayed in Nick’s embrace, silence taking over, while each of them sat in their own state of thought, concern and questioning. What a year they’d had…and it all started here.

“You know, Nick…” Ben pulled back and looked up into Nick’s eyes, a little bit of orneriness seeping through.”

“What?”

“You need to be drunk and obnoxious…that’d make this déjà vu just perfect, dontcha think?”

“Put your head back down and shut up, Ben…perfect is far from it.”

Chuckling, he did as asked, happy to snuggle back up into Nick’s arms. He never knew the comfort of a man’s arms could be so amazingly secure. Peaceful. He’d never had it and now that he did, he didn’t know how he’d walk through the rest of his life without it being a phone call away.

No one knew how long they sat there, but all in all, time traveled pretty quickly. There was an unnerving tension in the air, but it was totally wrapped up in a blanket of peace. No one could explain it, but it seemed as though Ben was the one who owned it. He was just sharing it with everyone. But, all good things must come to an end.

“Ben Casey? They’re ready for you.”

“What could be taking them so long? If he’s innocent, they need to let it be and let us go home.”

Patty had all but worn a hole in the linoleum between the bench and the glass door pacing to and fro. She was a complete wreck.

“You don’t know where he was?” Nick had fallen silent in the boredom of waiting and into the depths of thought about this whole situation. Pieces were not fitting together. Solana had never checked out though, taking care of everyone…as always. She was definitely a pro.

“No.” Patty lowered her head, embarrassed at that truth. She’d never been good at keeping tabs on her kids’ whereabouts. That was one area she still needed to work on. “He just said he was going out…I’ve come to trust him, so I didn’t ask.”

“And he wouldn’t tell you…even after they brought him in?”

“No…and that’s what has me so worried. Because recently, he’ll tell me anything. He’s not so secretive anymore, you know?”

“Yeah…that is strange…not like him anymore.”

“Exactly. I just don’t know what to think.”

Patting Nick’s leg, hoping to bring him into the conversation, Solana did her best to assure the nervous mother. “I know he’s innocent, Patty.”

“I want to believe that, Solana…I do…”

“You’ve had a long history of believing him and being let down though, haven’t you?”

“Well, yes…he seems different this time though. I just don’t know…I’m so afraid.”

“Has anything happened in therapy that could have set him off?”

“No, I don’t think…in fact, she said next week is the last time we need to meet.”

“I thought I’d seen those papers on my desk…release is a good thing.”

“Yeah…in lots of ways. I called Darren and told him that if he ever showed up again, not only would Ben report him, but I would too…and he’s not bothered me since.”

“You’ve all come such a long way, Patty…I can’t believe Ben would throw it all away…especially on one of us.”

“You’re right…it doesn’t make much sense. You and Nick…I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for my family.”

Nick finally looked up, taking Solana’s hand in his. “Your family…they’ve done so much for me too. I guess we all kind of helped each other.”

“I suppose so…” Looking back to the door where her son had disappeared earlier, Patty heaved an exhausted sigh. “…I just hope he’s not throwing it all away.”

“He’s not…I can’t explain why, but I really believe it…and you have to, too. He needs you to believe in him.” Solana patted the empty bench next to her, inviting Patty to come back and sit down.

She obliged, looking up with the others as the glass door swung open. A mother and daughter walked in, the daughter obviously immediately recognizing Nick. He really didn’t need this right now.

But…Solana and Patty recognized the girl and pulled her attention away from the teen’s idol.

“Erin! My God…what are you…you aren’t invol-…Erin…why are you here?”

“Miss Romero…” Looking over to Patty, she lowered her gaze, embarrassed it had come to this. She didn’t want it to happen, but here they were. “Miss Casey…I’m so sorry.”

“Are you responsible for this? Are you involved…did you drag my son into this?”

“NO! No, Miss Casey, I swear…no.” Looking around for someone, Erin asked a question Nick was hoping he’d hear. “Ben’s not here? Is he being questioned?”

“Yeah…been back there for awhile now.” Nick still didn’t know why she was here, but was getting a feeling clarity was around the corner. And he couldn’t help but smile at the prospect. Ben’s peace was beginning to make sense.

“I figured…”

“What’s up, Erin…why do they have you here?” Solana hadn’t caught on yet and Patty was still too angry to think straight.

“I’m here for Ben…he’s innocent.”

“And you know that how?” Nick was beaming. He knew.

“How? Because he was with me.”

Jack answered the door with a what looked like a pile of plastic in his hands…but it was in the form of some sort of robot. “What the heck is that!?” Nick forgot that asking such a question could garner a long dissertation.

Jack would not disappoint.

“One of those Toa-Kedia things I’ve told you about.”

“Ah…more Bionicles dudes, huh? These from your Christmas stash?”

“Some, yeah. I made him from the three Tahu, Pohatu and Onua.”

Yeah, Nick understood this…not. Looking to Liz for some guidance, he went back to Jack when all he got from her was a pair of shrugging shoulders and her back as she turned to continue her video game. “Don’t ask me…all I know is I step on those stupid pieces all the time. They hurt.”

“Yeah, and I’m steppin’ on Barbie shoes all the time…”

“Okay, okay…so does this guy have a name?”

“Akhami.” Jack started twisting the critter’s head around and posing him in different positions. Nick couldn’t get over all the different parts…and that they worked differently that they did with the original characters. Whoever developed this thing was a genius.

“So, what makes this guy so special?”

“He’s got lots and lots of strengths.”

Nick asked if he could look at it and Jack handed it over, keeping one eye on Nick and one on Liz’s game. She was beating him to a pulp.

“Wait, wait, wait…this dude’s got two heads on his hand!”

“No, it’s like laser guns or something.”

“But it looks like their heads! Krana or something, right?”

“Yeah, krana, but no…it’s not.”

Nick kept looking at the toy, posing it, pretending to shoot flames out of the other hand…that two headed thing freaked him out. This flame thrower dealy could have come in handy recently, however. He could think of one ass in particular he’d like to blow up.

“Have you found these guys on the internet?”

“Nope, just on an online game. You see them in it but you can never be them.”

“Aw, man…I’d like to shoot flames at someone…”

“Not with him you can’t. But you can with Tahu.”

“Ah…then I wanna be Tahu. Who are the bad guys they fight again?”

“They’re called Rahi.” Jack’s attention was waning…he needed to get back to his game and Nick was suddenly more enamored with these toys than he’d ever been…what the heck?

“What do they do that’s so bad anyway?”

“Destroy villages, blow up places.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. Destruction. Flame throw at those who destroy. Oh yeah. “Why do they destroy stuff?”

“Cuz this evil guy named Makuta told them to….he hates his brother.”

“Who’s his brother?”

Jack was officially annoyed now. Nick was driving him crazy with all of these questions and Liz was beating his best game. Someone was going to start throwing flames and it wasn’t going to be a Tahu. He took a deep breath, making sure Nick saw his frustration. “Some guy named Mata Nui…they named their island after him in order to remember him.”

“And that’s where everyone lives, right?”

“YES…God…can we stop? Liz is whoopin’ my butt!”

“Yeah, yeah…where’s Ben? Big day today.”

“Uh…dunno.”

After all of that and all Jack could offer was an ‘I dunno’? Wonderful. Nick put the toy on the couch and got up to investigate. He must be out back because other than the basement, there really weren’t any other places for him to hide. When he peeked down the hall, he had to smile. They’d started painting. And it looked great. The girls’ room was done and so was the bathroom. A new shower curtain finished that one up and Patty had even added finger towels for extra decoration.

Coming back into the room, he was surprised he hadn’t noticed it earlier. It had all been painted. The living room, dining room/boys’ room and maybe…

…he walked into the kitchen and couldn’t believe it. Not only had they painted the kitchen, but also the cabinetry and back door. In just a matter of days, this house had been totally transformed. He was planning on helping out, but with the mess at the courthouse a few days prior, it seemed everything got jumbled up from there…but they took matters into their own hands and did it themselves. And it looked great. The house would definitely sell now.

Nick heard the bounce of the basketball out back and stepped out, instantly catching the escaped ball. “Hey.”

“Hi…you ready?”

“Yep…just inside talking to Jack. The house looks great, Ben.”

“Yeah…me, Mom and Kitty did it all. Well, most of it. Guess who came over to help yesterday?”

“Who?”

“Erin’s dad…can you believe it? Guilt’s a wonderful thing.”

“That’s cool…you have a lot of ‘splainin’ to do, man.”

“Yeah, I know…lemme get my stuff and we’ll go, huh?”

“I’ll wait out in the truck.”

Nick pulled a piece of pizza out of the box and stuffed the corner of it into his mouth, barely wincing at the hot cheese. Chewing quickly, he chugged back a swallow of beer. “Damn…”

“They cook it, asshole…it’s hot.”

“Yeah, I noticed…” Going for a second, smaller bite, Nick finally asked…mouth still full, manners out the window. This was Ben for God’s sake. “So talk. The other day. From the beginning.”

“I didn’t do it, end of story.” Ben smiled cheesily and stuffed a huge bite into his mouth, also forgetting the burning. Men. So slow to learn sometimes. “Damn…”

“They cook it asshole…it’s hot.”

“Thank you…”

“So how long have you been seeing Erin?”

“A month.” Ben tried to look innocent, but all he could do was crack up. He’d pulled it off. They’d pulled it off. Even pulled it over Nick’s eyes. But…he had help.

“A month!? Ben…you said…you were gonna honor her dad’s wishes…”

“Yeah, well. Her mom didn’t honor his wishes. She didn’t like Steve from the beginning. So, she’d let Erin come get me whenever her dad wasn’t home. Even take us to the movies and stuff.”

“You little shit…” Nick was amazed. Ben had wowed the mom. Not quite as impressive as the dad, but some dad’s weren’t to be impressed.

“Thank you…I try.”

“Okay, so you’ve been sneaking around with Erin…while she’s still with Steve?”

“Well, sorta, yeah. I mean, he’d go over, but she really wasn’t interested. He was talking shit about her in school because she wouldn’t put out or anything.”

“For God’s sake…you’re in what? Seventh grade? She’d better not put out for anybody! Including you!”

“She doesn’t…don’t worry. I’m…I mean, I’m curious, but hell…that scares the shit outta me.”

“Keep it that way. Sex isn’t a game, man. No one wins when you play it like a game.”

Ben looked at his pizza and took a deep breath and a tentative bite. Much nicer. Smiling around his food, he looked to Nick’s piece letting him know it was safe to go back into the water.

“Ah, good…I’m hungry. So, if you were at Erin’s during the break in…how’d they get your name out of it all?”

“Steve. The fuckhead talked me up during his questioning. Said I helped…was a part of yours, the school…all the stuff we’d done before…and Miss Romero’s. So, they came to my house and I was running home from the store with Erin. It didn’t look good that I was outta breath and sweaty.”

“Naturally…is all that gonna come back to bite you in the ass?”

“Nope. They had record of all but your house. You didn’t press charges, so that means nothing to them and the other stuff had been taken care of.”

“True…so you’re free and clear?”

“Yup. Totally. Steve has to answer to it all though.”

They continued eating, not saying much for a time, Nick trying to process this all. After all this time, he really figured Steve had let it go. But he hadn’t. It made no sense.

“I thought they dropped the school thing too since you guys cleaned it up.”

“Well, they did, but I guess they’ll count it on his record since he re-offended. I dunno…it gets confusing.” At least Nick wasn’t the only one who thought so.

“Where is he now?”

“Home. Kind of house arrest. Hearing is next month. He’s goin’ to JD man…I’m sure of it.”

“What’s his daddy have to say, I wonder?”

“Who knows…hell, Daddy may not even know yet. When he’s home he’s drunk. And normally he’s not home.”

“Lookin’ for attention. Is that what all this is about for Steve?”

“I have no idea…it’s almost like he just wanted to get caught. Why the hell else would you break into someone’s house in broad daylight? Someone’s house that has security signs all over it no less.”

“Cuz you’re stupid?”

“He’s that alright. I can’t believe I considered him a friend.”

“He was someone you could be a shit with…he let you be rotten.”

“No kidding. And when it came crunch time…he was the biggest chicken of all. That’s probably why he had other guys with him again. He’d chicken out.”

“They caught the fourth guy, didn’t they?”

“Yeah…I guess Steve finally gave up the right name. Him or one of the other guys.”

Nick nodded, still processing, still debating the whole thing. What a mess. Rosalie hadn’t slept well since it happened. Neither had Solana, but she refused any company. The window was fixed, the crooks were caught and they’d be fine. Stubborn mule.

“What I can’t figure out is why Miss Romero?”

“I dunno…I mean, you even thought he might get her. I guess it crossed his mind too. He couldn’t get Erin to cooperate. Couldn’t get me to…so he had to do the next best thing.”

“But why us? Why people that you lov-…” Suddenly it became clear. He was doing it to get back at Ben. Because Ben had found happiness and Steve couldn’t deal…how pathetic.

“Yep. He was doing it to get to me.”

“Kid’s got a lot of hatred in him, man.”

“Kinda sad. He has no reason for it. If anyone did, it should be me.”

“But you’re above that.”

“Well, now yeah. Anger takes too much energy. Happy’s much nicer.”

Nick sat back, full of pizza, and full of more questions. “What I wanna know is…you guys did shit before the school, right?”

“Right. Mostly just painting stuff.”

“How come you’re the only one who got punished for that?”

“Cuz Steve and Ron’s parents would buy off the administrators so they’d shut up. My mom couldn’t do that.”

“Everybody has to pay some time.”

“Yep. And I can’t wait to see him pay.”

“I’d rather see him grow up.”

“Yeah, well…that’d be nice too.”

Nick finished his beer and let out a loud belch. Ben followed…with his pop of course, and they looked to each other with huge grins. Satisfaction. Full tummies, a bright future and the bad guys were finally caught. Couldn’t get much better than that.

“Okay, you ready to head to the post office?”

“Yep…got my form.” Ben held up the envelope and a big grin. The last report. Done. Finalized and complete. He was a free man. They were free men.

Nick drove them to the nearest post office and even though it was dark, they made a big deal of their delivery. Nick held the mailbox open for Ben and Ben took Nick’s envelope, kissed them both and slid them into the slot. Nick closed the lid, re-opened it to make sure they’d gone down into the box and slammed it shut.

Looking to Ben, he smiled broadly and opened his arms out wide. Ben knew what to do…he took one leap and jumped up into them and held on for dear life. They’d done it. They’d really done it. One year. One little man became one big man. One young boy began the process of becoming one big man.

“I’m so proud of you, Ben…so damned proud.”

“Yeah, well…you didn’t do too bad either.” Mocking Nick but one more time, he almost laughed on his words. “‘Do you know who I AM!?’ You’ve come a long way too.”

Nick put Ben down and they got back into the truck, heading back for Nick’s house. Stupid movies, lots of snacks and too little sleep was on the agenda and they didn’t want to miss one more minute of it. After driving for a few miles, Nick had to ask. “Must you remember that night so clearly?”

“I figure one of us should…you were too trashed.”

“Great…so glad you have such fond memories of me.”

“Eh, neither of us were all that wonderful.”

“This is true. But we’re damned wonderful now, baby!”

Ben laughed and leaned up to punch the CD player on. They nodded their heads to the familiar beat, silently taking in the lyrics, now hitting them differently than they had the first time they shared the song.

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself (Myself)

As they pulled back into Nick’s driveway, Ben looked over to him and smiled. “That dude hasn’t quite figured it out yet, has he?”

“Nope…and here I thought he had…”

“Yeah, me too.”

They got out of the car and Nick waited for Ben to meet up with him before going inside. “I don’t think I wanna go at it by myself anymore.”

“Nope…me either. Never again.”

Nick awoke to find himself alone that morning. Not how he’d gone to bed. He’d had a scrawny kid curled up next to him only hours before. Where had he gone so early?

He stretched and scratched, focusing his eyes on the clock. Okay, so it wasn’t so early. Almost noon. How many movies had they watched last night anyway? Too damned many. They both had numb buns and numb heads by the time they’d called it a night. So, yeah. Noon was early, dammit.

Stumbling down the hall, Nick sniffed in the scent of freshly brewed coffee and moaned with anticipated satisfaction. The kid knew how to make a man smile in the morning. Pouring himself a cup, he headed out back, knowing full well that’s where he’d find the kid.

And he was right. Sitting poolside with his feet dangling in the cool water, Ben looked a little lost. Forlorn. Sad. It really didn’t make any sense. Everything seemed so bright for him now.

“’Mornin’…”

Ben turned hearing Nick’s voice and offered a weak smile. “Oh, hey.” He turned back and continued kicking his feet softly in the water. “Water’s still cold.”

“Yeah, probably…another few weeks…”

Ben nodded, focusing his attention on a ship far out into the gulf. He wondered where it had been…or where it was going. It was too far out to tell if it was coming in or going out. He kind of understood that confusion.

Nick joined him at the edge, sipping his coffee and dipping his feet into the water. “Ooh…yeah…still cool.”

They sat without words for a long time, only the sound of Nick sipping his coffee and the occasional seagull squawking interrupting their silence. The gulf water was so calm, it didn’t even add to the sound effects of the day.

Finally Ben couldn’t keep his questions inside any longer. With one big breath and one big blurt, he spilled all that had been running through his mind since his mid-morning bathroom trip. He hadn’t slept since.

“Am I ever gonna see you again or is this it?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Well…our year. It’s over. I just…I mean…you don’t have to…we don’t…” He sighed at his inability to complete another sentence. The last one had taken all of his energy to spit out. So, he just rephrased it. “Will I ever see you again?”

“I’d damned well hope so.”

“Oh…okay.”

“Why…don’t you want to? You wanna be done?”

“NO! No…I don’t. I…no. I was just afraid you might. Hanging out with a kid can’t be all that fun.”

“You have GOT to be kidding me, Ben.”

Ben finally looked to Nick like he’d lost his mind. “No…I’m not. You’ve sacrificed enough of your time to be with me.”

“You can’t tell me you think I’m doing this because I had to…not anymore.”

“Well, no. I mean…no. I just…aw, hell. I don’t know what to think.”

“I think you’ve been thinking too much.” Nick put down his mug and leaned back on his arms. How many times would he have to tell Ben? Of course, the kid had thirteen years of screwed up male relationships to heal up. He may have to keep telling him for a long time…he could do it.

“Well, there’s a change for you. Normally I don’t bother.”

“What the hell happened between last night and now?”

“I’m bad at night…my mind goes really weird.”

“Well, stop it would you!? I’m here, Ben. I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Nick stood up and grabbed Ben by the hand. “Come here.”

“What?”

“Come on…come with me.”

Nick dragged Ben into the house and pulled him down the hall towards his studio. But they didn’t turn in there. Or into his office. They stopped at the end of the hallway. At the picture.

Pointing to it, Nick asked, “What is this?”

“That’s our portrait.”

“Uh-huh…and what’d you call it? Why am I in it?”

“A family portrait. It wasn’t a family portrait unless you were in it.”

“Bingo. We’re family now, Ben. I don’t leave family. I’ve done it once to my real one…and I will never do it again...to either of them.”

“But…you have your real family…you don’t need us.”

“Yeah, I do. We’re a different kind of family and I’m not walking away from that. Ever.”

Ben nodded and looked up to the picture. It was a damned good one. He listened as Nick went on, wanting to drive his point home to the teen.

“I’m gonna be there for your high school graduation Ben. The day you get married, I’m gonna be there. When your first kid is born, I’m gonna be there. When he wins his first baseball championship, he’s gonna have to hug me first…before he even thinks about getting to you.”

“What if it’s a girl?” Ben couldn’t hide his look of orneriness, as much as he tried.

Nick thwapped him upside the head and ducked for the return attack. “Then I expect to do the same…she’ll be a stud just like you.”

Ben had to chuckle at that thought…him as a dad. Frightening. But Nick being there for it? It didn’t seem so frightening with that prospect. Nothing did.

He didn’t have to face life by himself. He didn’t have to go it alone. His real family was almost whole again. And he had a bonus. He had Nick. Miss Romero. People in his life that had helped him grow to be where he was and would continue to love him to where he needed to be.

And better yet? He had someone who would let him give the same in return. Let him love, let him care. He was trusted and he was trusting.

And it was the greatest feeling in the world.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah…have you seen my other shoe?” Nick got down on all fours by his bed and looked underneath it. No shoe.

“Uh, no…didn’t you put it inside the door?”

“Do I ever put them the same place twice?”

“No…cuz you suck…I’m gonna be late for practice.”

“You are not…” Nick peeked into his closet and shook his head. One shoe in the bedroom, one in the closet. He was a mess. “Got it. And we have to make a stop first, anyway.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah…I made you a promise and I’m about to keep it.”

“About…???”

“Miss Romero.”

Ben looked to Nick and seeing the smirk on his face, remembered the deal made last summer. “Oh my god…it’s finally time, isn’t it?”

“Yep. And just like I promised, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Oh cool…she’s gonna freak.”

“I hope that’s a good thing cuz I’m about to pass out.”

“Oh please…you two have been dying for this for months. She’s probably waiting for you.”

“I hope so…or I’m gonna feel like a fool.”

Ben had to chuckle. Nick was a wreck. He said nothing as they drove to her house. Absolutely nothing. Turning into her drive, Nick stopped the car and didn’t move. He couldn’t. His legs felt like noodles.

“Nick? You gettin’ out?”

“I’m gonna try.”

“Come on…you can do this.” And so the tables had turned. Or had they? It had always been about mutual encouragement, mutual respect, mutual child-like heart and mutual concern. Today, it was Ben’s turn to encourage. Big little man. Little big man. Yes, for these two, it worked.

“Mmm…we’ll see.” Reluctantly, Nick opened his door and tested the legs. They worked. One obstacle beat. Okay, maybe he could do this. He couldn’t figure out why he was so nervous…but there it was. Just in case he’d chicken out, he let Ben ring the bell.

Oh sure. She had to look amazing today. Of course, when didn’t she? Slopped out in jeans and a t-shirt or totally decked out in a velvet party dress…she took Nick’s breath away no matter what. Today changed none of that.

“Well, hello! What brings you boys here?”

Solana closed the door behind Nick and Ben as they entered, taking quick note of Nick’s odd behavior…he was almost…nervous? Whatever for?

“Yeah, um, well. I’m kind of following through on a promise I made to Ben.” Big, nervous grin. He was going to die. Right here in her foyer.

“I see…” Yes. He was nervous. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“No, we’re fine.”

“Well, come in for god’s sake…what’s gotten into you, Nick?”

“Oh, yeah…um, well you see…” He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, but never moved his feet further into the house, preferring the comfort of having the door only one step away. Why was he nervous? This was ridiculous. Maybe it was Ben’s presence. Maybe it was because this really mattered. Either way, he hated this.

Ben was enjoying it all too much, however, and made his way to the over stuffed chair where he crawled on backwards and hiked up on his knees for a good view. Nick was nervous…whodathunk it?

Suddenly, the timing, Nick’s nerves, Ben’s odd enthusiasm. It all dawned on Solana. And she decided to play along…although, this was no game now, was it?

“All I see is you standing in my foyer, Nick…what can I do for you?” Flirtatiously, she propped herself against the back of the chair Ben was in, crossing her arms in front of her, showing interest only in her eyes. It was all she needed to do. Nick was completely flustered.

“Well, see…Ben and I, well, we celebrated our, uh…one year…” He gulped. Why the hell was he feeling like…like BEN asking a girl on a date? Dammit, he was Nick Carter. He could do this…

“Yeah…did you do anything special?” Lifting up from the chair, she lowered her crossed arms and moved slowly…painfully slowly to the bumbling blonde in her foyer.

“Huh? Oh yeah…we dropped off our reports and did stupid guy stuff…you know.” Good god…small talk now? Could this possibly be any more nerve wracking?

“Guy stuff? How fun.” She continued her slow sashay towards Nick, looking back at Ben and giving him a wink. The twit laughed out loud. He was useless.

“Yep, and so, um…since we’re no longer under, uh…you know…since…um…” This was nuts. He couldn’t complete a sentence if his life depended on it.

“Yes, Nick? Since you’re no longer…” Closer and closer she walked, never taking her eyes out of his…or at least trying. He hadn’t really looked at her since he got there…his eyes kept shifting away.

“…no longer under court order or anything, well…um…”

Taking pity on him, and honestly, not wanting to wait one more moment, Solana decided to give him a reprieve. “You’re having problems, Nick…can I help you?”

“Huh?” He finally looked at her and almost lost his balance. She was more beautiful now than he’d ever seen her before. Her eyes glistened with a desire that up until now he’d never seen…and he figured he’d seen it all. It was official. He was going to die right there.

As she finally approached him, she slowly brought her hand up to her ponytail and slid the holder out, shaking her full brown mane as it slid below her shoulders.

“I said, ‘Can I help you’, Nick?”

Neeck. Jesus… “Oh…um, yeah…maybe you’d better.”

She took the final step into Nick’s personal space and softly laid her hand on his chest, bringing her eyes up to his and licking her lips. “Béseme, Nick.”

“Lani...” With not another word, another thought, another concern for who was watching he did just as she asked.

Slowly. Softly. Tenderly. Just with the softness of their lips touching, he brought his hands up to cup her face, feel the silkiness of her hair fall back as she leaned in closer and gave in more. One year. 365 days. Too many close calls. Too much pent up desire. This desire had stood the test of time and neither wanted it to end.

But he pulled back, resting his forehead on hers, looking deep in her eyes and smiling the most genuine smile he’d felt in years. With a soft brush of her cheek with his knuckles, he went back for more. Wanting more, needing more, knowing that this year-long wait was one of the smartest things he’d ever done.

This time, she opened her mouth slightly, feeling his tongue gently probe and moaned as his hands caressed her hair and back. Yes, this had been worth the wait. This was going to be hard to stop right here.

A kiss. Just a kiss. But it was one that said things they’d wanted to say for a year, so the intimacy shared was…well, for Ben…it was too much.

Silently getting up, he snuck beside the couple and quietly made his way outside to wait on the porch. Hopefully, they’d remember he was there and wouldn’t be waiting too long. He figured he’d be late for basketball practice…and didn’t give a damn. This needed to happen. He just didn’t need to watch.

Hearing the door close behind them, Nick finally pulled back, cupping her face in his hands again, loving the softness of her caramel skin under his thumbs. “Lani…”

Smiling bashfully, she looked down, amazed she’d allow herself to let go like that. It had been so long. Hell, had she ever felt like this before? Not hardly. “I think we embarrassed him.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“He’ll be okay…”

Kissing her again, he couldn’t stop kissing, pulling back and looking, then going back to kiss her again. It was as though he couldn’t believe it was finally happening. He was finally tasting her, feeling her, fulfilling all the questions he’d had about her in this one brief moment.

But, responsibility crept in and Solana pulled back, walking backwards to hopefully keep Nick…keep herself at bay. They couldn’t go any further. Not now. No way. But, she couldn’t stop kissing him. A word. “Nick.” A kiss. A word. “Wait.” A kiss. The word. “Ben. Please.”

He followed her backwards movements, sneaking kisses with each step, in between every few words. He couldn’t stop tasting her. “I know, but…tomorrow?” Kiss. “Can I pick you up tomorrow?” Kiss. “No kids.” Slow, deep kiss. “No teens.” Longer, fuller, more passionate kiss. “No…nothing stopping us anymore?”

“Yes, Nick.” She quickly snuck behind the chair Ben had been on, finally putting a barrier between them. Lifting her arm, she put her hair back into its ponytail, thus closing off the intimacy of the moment…or so she hoped. “Yes, tomorrow. I’ll be ready.” And then reality hit. “Shit…I need a sitter.”

“Wait right there. Don’t move.”

Nick made his way to the front door in one step, or so it seemed, and peeked outside. “Psst. Ben.”

“Hmm?”

“What do you have going tomorrow night?”

“Uh…nothin’, why?”

“You’re babysitting Rosalie.”

“I am, huh? How much?”

“How much!? I think you still owe me money, jack ass.”

“Aw man! Yeah, yeah, okay…for you I’ll watch Rosalie.”

“Thanks…and I’ll pay ya’ twice her fee if that kid’s asleep when we get back.”

“Deal, man. Total deal. Now go smooch some more…I’ll just sit out here and be bored. Don’t worry about me.”

“Shaddup, putz. I’ll be out in a minute.” Closing the door, he went back to Lani, sliding an arm around her waist and pulling her in for another kiss. “We’re all set.”

“Good, I’ll be ready.”

“Mmm…so will I.” They kissed their way back to the door, her pushing him away and then pulling him back in for more. Finally, it was time to go…or he’d never leave. He reluctantly opened the door and stepped out. Before leaving the porch, he turned back and blew her one more kiss, feeling lighter, more satisfied, more hopeful than he had in a good long time. If not ever.

And then, he finally said a word that had meant nothing but frustration and aggravation. But now…it meant promise.

“Mañana, Lani.”

“Sí, Nick. Mañana.”