1. Chapter 1 by old_archive

2. Chapter 2 by old_archive

3. Chapter 3 by old_archive

4. Chapter 4 by old_archive

5. Chapter 5 by old_archive

6. Chapter 6 by old_archive

7. Chapter 7 by old_archive

8. Chapter 8 by old_archive

9. Chapter 9 by old_archive

10. Chapter 10 by old_archive

11. Chapter 11 by old_archive

12. Chapter 12 by old_archive

13. Chapter 13 by old_archive

14. Chapter 14 by old_archive

15. Chapter 15 by old_archive

16. Chapter 16 by old_archive

17. Chapter 17 by old_archive

18. Chapter 18 by old_archive

19. Chapter 19 by old_archive

20. Chapter 20 by old_archive

21. Chapter 21 by old_archive

22. Chapter 22 by old_archive

23. Chapter 23 by old_archive

24. Chapter 24 by old_archive

25. Chapter 25 by old_archive

26. Chapter 26 by old_archive

27. Chapter 27 by old_archive

28. Chapter 28 by old_archive

29. Chapter 29 by old_archive

30. Chapter 30 by old_archive

31. Chapter 31 by old_archive

32. Chapter 32 by old_archive

33. Chapter 33 by old_archive

34. Chapter 34 by old_archive

35. Chapter 35 by old_archive

36. Chapter 36 by old_archive

37. Chapter 37 by old_archive

38. Chapter 38 by old_archive

Wednesday

Grace slept for a long time.  She was usually an early riser, even after she worked late, but when she opened her eyes and looked at the clock, she saw that it was past 8:00.  She was feeling very groggy and shook her head to clear it.  She went to sit up and felt the heavy weight on her right leg. Yesterday came flooding back.

"Now, there was a day straight from hell," she thought.  But it had had its good moments too, she recalled.  A blond knight in shining armor with a killer smile and strong, safe arms.  He smelled good too, she remembered.

The day had started off with the final blow-out with Matt.  They had been heading towards it for awhile.  The more independent she became, the more he tried to control their lives.  He didn't like her job, for starters.  He couldn't understand why she did it.  He resented the fact that she made more money than he did, although he knew that hers came in fits and starts, while his was a regular salary.  He was a financial consultant and as his career grew, he would outdistance her in income, but it grated on him now.

Matt also resented the fact that she wasn't always there for him.  When she was in the middle of a project, she was reluctant to let it go and sometimes worked all night.  When he came over, in the mood for some loving, he didn't want to be rejected for some piece of machinery and he told her so. He also told her that when they were married, she would be quitting her job, or at least cutting it back to match his working hours. 

The final straw had been the Lighthouse Project.  Grace was doing it for free.  The Lighthouse Project was a charitable organization that helped people with mental breakdowns re-assimilate into the community when they were ready to leave sheltered care.  The website was to be an informational one, explaining mental illness to the general public and offering advice and assistance to those in need - directing them to accessible health-care facilities.

Sunday evening, she had been working on the project.  She had hit a sticking point -  there were too many links on the home page- she had to find a way to re-organize the main headings - and all her concentration was on the computer.

Grace had promised Matt that they would go out for dinner.  When he arrived, she was not dressed for going out.  He was angry, but she told him that she'd be ready in five minutes.  She reluctantly shut down the computer.  He poured himself a large glass of Scotch and turned on the TV.  She came out a few minutes later.

"Oh, you look good, Baby," he purred, turning off the set.  He slid his arms around her and kissed her, thrusting his tongue into her mouth and running his hands over her body.

She tilted her head back.  "Matt, you know I don't like the taste of Scotch."  She wrinkled her nose.

"Well, maybe later, you'll get to taste something else," he said, taking her hand and pressing it to his crotch, where she could feel him hardening.

"Let's go to dinner," she said, stepping away from him.  Matt knew she didn't like 'dirty talk' outside the bedroom.  It annoyed her that he had done it on purpose to pay her back for not being ready on time.

Grace tried hard at dinner, she really did.  She listened to him talk about his day at work and asked questions to show her interest.  But her mind kept drifting back to her project, seeking alternatives and turning them over in her head.  Finally, she thought she had hit upon a solution.  She was concentrating fiercely, trying to see if it would follow through successfully to the end, when she heard, "Grace!"

She looked at Matt.  His face was stony.

"Um...sorry," she said.  "I was just..."

"Yeah, you were just...I know, I know.  It's disgusting - the look you get on your face - the kind of look I'd get if I were thinking about another woman, and you're just thinking about your stupid computer!"

"Are you thinking about another woman?" she asked.

"What the fuck do you care?" he replied and signaled for the check.

They rode in silence back to her place.  Matt pulled up in front and said, "I'm not coming up.  There's no point when you're like this."

Grace opened her mouth to apologize, but he cut her off.

"I know exactly what you'll do - take me to bed and allow me to have sex with you.  You'll swivel your hips and moan and groan to make me come as fast as I can.  Then you'll wait for me to go to sleep and head back to your computer.  That's where your enjoyment lies."

"That's not fair, Matt," said Grace, but she knew there was an element of truth to it.

"Okay, I'm sorry.  It's just that I want to be with you and I know your head's not in it tonight."  He leaned over and kissed her.  "Run along and get your work done, but don't stay up all night.  Call me tomorrow at the office and we'll have lunch together. O.K.?"

"Okay."  They kissed again.  Grace got out of the car and entered the building.  Her mind was already on her project.

Monday morning, she was in a great mood.  She had worked until one in the morning and ironed out the glitch completely.  She had a good night's sleep and was ready to make it up to Matt for her behavior the night before.  She phoned his office and his secretary, Janice, informed her that he was in a meeting but was expecting to see her for lunch and that she should come to the office.

She stepped off the elevator and greeted Carol, the receptionist for the company.  She smiled and waved Grace up the hall to Matt's office.  As Grace was rounding the final corner, she heard women's laughter.

"Imagine, in this day and age, someone still wearing days-of-the-week panties.  I didn't know they still made them."

"Sure do," said a voice that Grace recognized as Janice.  "And I love them...only problem is, I've misplaced 'Thursday'!"  Loud laughter greeted this comment.

"Ahem."  Grace announced her presence with a cough. 

The other women faded quickly away.  Janice blushed, wondering how much she had heard.  Thank goodness it wasn't one of the big bosses, she thought.  She buzzed through to Matt and announced Grace's presence.  He came out immediately and took her by the hand.  He dragged her to the elevator and once inside, began kissing her fiercely.  A 'ding' announced that they had stopped at another floor and he stepped away from her, as other people boarded.  They grinned at each other all way down to the parking level.  Before he opened the car door for her, he leaned her up against it and started kissing her again.  He ground his hips against her and squeezed her breast.

"Matt, stop it," she whispered.  "Someone might see."

"Let them," he breathed.  "We're engaged, remember."  And he ran his hand up under her skirt.  She clamped her thighs together.

"Matt!"

He laughed and let her go.  "Just wanted you to know how much I missed you.  But I'll wait until later."

Whenever they met for lunch, Grace would take a taxi to the office, and then Matt would drop her off at her place.  If he didn't have any afternoon appointments, he would come up to the apartment and they would make love.  And apparently, he didn't have any appointments today.

They had lunch in a quiet restaurant and were very sweet to each other.  It seemed like the previous evening's argument had been forgotten.  On the way back to Grace's, Matt stopped for gas. While he was paying at the booth, Grace got a speck of dust in her eye and it began to water.  She searched through her purse for a tissue, but couldn't find one.  She opened the glove box to see if Matt had any.  There were no tissues - but there was a pair of white nylon panties with the word 'Thursday' embroidered neatly in red.

Grace was stunned.  She didn't know what to do.  She sat in silence the rest of the way to her place with the panties bunched in her hands.  When Matt pulled up in front of the door, she turned and threw them at him.  "Tell Janice to stop worrying.  We found Thursday."  Then she bolted from the car.  Matt started to get out of the car.  Grace turned to him and said, "Don't.  Don't ever come near me again."  She stopped in the lobby long enough to tell Gary that under no circumstances was Matt allowed to enter the building and then she went upstairs to have a good cry.

Except she didn't.  She waited for the tears to come, but they didn't.  She was angry and she was hurt, but she wasn't destroyed.  Why was that? she wondered.

Matt called her that night and Grace said she didn't want to talk to him.  He insisted.  He could explain, he said.  Fine, she said, go ahead.  He told her that he had been distraught the night before.  He had really wanted to make love to her and it frustrated him that she was so unavailable.  So when he had left her, he had phoned Janice and they had gone for a ride - just to talk, he said, but then one thing led to another and...

"...and her panties ended up in your glove box."

Well, yeah, he admitted.  That was kind of what happened.

"And somehow, this is all my fault," said Grace, "...that her panties ended up in your glove box.  This is all my fault?"

"Grace, you're overreacting..." he began.

"Overreacting?" Grace screamed at him.  Then she calmed down as icy realization came to her.  "It's not the first time, is it Matt?" she asked in a dull voice.  She doubted that Janice wore her Thursday panties on Sunday.

There was silence.

"Aw, come on, don't lie to me at this point," she said, "It wasn't the first time, was it?"

"No," he admitted reluctantly.

"How often?" She didn't really want to know, but had to ask.

'I fucked her every time I couldn't fuck you," he answered.

Grace hung up the phone and yanked it from the wall.


******************************

The next morning she plugged it back in and it rang immediately.  It was Matt.

"Don't hang up!" he said.  "You owe me that much - listen to me."  So she did, but it didn't seem to matter how many ways he tried to explain things, it always seemed to come back to being her fault.  Finally, she had had enough.

"Look, Matt, I'm sure you would like to make this all my fault somehow, but the bottom line is...you slept with someone else, so it's over.  We are no longer engaged. In fact, we no longer know each other.  Come and get your things and bring back my keys."  And she hung up.  She paced the apartment for awhile waiting for the tears, but again, none came.  So she went for a walk to clear her head.  And that's when she met Nick.

Grace dragged herself out of bed and made her way to the big room, as she thought of it.  She loved her apartment.  It frustrated Matt that she wouldn't let him move in, but she just couldn't bring herself to share this precious space.

You could tell a lot about the occupant of the apartment by the layout.  To the left of the front door was a kitchen area with a counter and high-backed stools.  There was no part of the room that served as a dining room, no table and chairs.  Behind the kitchen at the back of the loft were the bedroom and bathroom, the only areas with walls.  The rest of the apartment was one big room.  The wall at the far end was completely windows.  The wall along the back had windows along the upper half and bookshelves beneath.  In the far corner was Grace's office, a hi-tech dream with the latest equipment and lots of it.  The large open space in the middle had a couple of sofas and chairs arranged in comfortable groupings from which one could enjoy the magnificent ocean view or the video system.   An up-to-date stereo system sat on the wall just inside the door, surrounded by, of course, bookcases.  The floors were hardwood, wide oak boards with a glossy veneer.  Bright, woven area rugs defined the seating areas.

Grace headed for the kitchen where she found a note from Nick, telling her that the coffee maker was set and ready - just hit the button...and...I'll call you tomorrow.   She had to push down the thrill those words gave her when she realized that tomorrow was today.  She looked around the kitchen.  The dishes from last night were washed and neatly stacked on the counter.  The pizza box was in the recycling bin and when she opened the fridge, she found the remains in a plastic container with a note - "Do not open until stomach growls."  She laughed.  What a sweet guy!

Well, you'd better get over that, she said to herself, he wouldn't be interested in a mess like you.


******************************


Nick arrived at the studio expecting to get hell from the others and he was not disappointed.  He leaned against the wall and let them have their say.  Kevin started it off.  "We are in a group business here and there were decisions that had to be made by the group...and you weren't here..."

Nick interrupted him.  "Can those decisions still be made today?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then the world didn't end.  Next!"

The others were shocked.  No one ever spoke to Kevin like that.  He was Train, their leader, the guy who always knew what was best for them.

Howie expressed concern that Nick knew nothing about this girl - maybe she was setting him up or something.  Brian worried that it would be all over the Internet and rumors would spiral out of control.  He wanted a plan, maybe a joint statement. AJ's concerns were a little more down-to-earth.  "I'm a little worried, Nicky, that you are so hard up for a woman that you have taken to running them down with your car."

Nick laughed and gave AJ a high five.

"Tell us about it," said Brian, and even though Kevin looked impatiently at his watch, the others looked expectantly at Nick.  And so he told them everything that had happened the day before.  By the time he was finished, they all knew that something had happened to him beyond just meeting a new girl.  They hadn't heard Nick talk this way about anyone since...well, since never.  During the whole description, he had never once mentioned any of her physical attributes beyond 'nice legs'.  This was totally out of character for him.  Nick not only judged a book by its cover, he rarely opened the book to see what was inside.  And now, he had described an entire afternoon and evening with a girl without mentioning height, weight, hair color or scale of one-to-ten.

"Is she pretty?"  AJ wanted to know.

"Yeah, I guess.  Yeah, when she smiles...oh yeah!"

"How old is she?"  Kevin, the fact man.

"I think she might be a bit older than me."  Glances exchanged all around.  "Maybe 25.  I couldn't really tell.  But she just seemed to have her life together - this great apartment and her own business."  They had all been impressed by her business.  They all knew how to use a computer, but to actually design a site - that was way beyond them.

"And what about the fiancé?" Howie asked gently.  "I mean, if they only broke up that morning..."

"He cheated on her," said Nick, matter-of-factly.  That was enough.  It was the one thing they agreed on.  You cheated, you paid the price.

"Look," said Nick.  "You guys are reading way too much into this.  I never said I was interested in her.   I was only telling you what happened.  Can't a guy rescue a girl without it being some big, romantic thing?"  More glances exchanged.  No, Nick, they thought, apparently it can't.

They talked business for awhile, tossing around numbers and demographics, and then took a break at eleven.  Nick left the room.  As soon as he was out of earshot, the others all started talking at once.  What do you think?  Do you think he'll ask her out?  Do you think she's for real?

Finally, AJ said, "How long will it be before Kevin wrecks it?"  They all stopped talking and looked at him.  Kevin?  Wrecks it?  What was AJ talking about?  Kevin glared at him.  "Face it, Train," said AJ, with a shrug.  "Nick is your little brother and there isn't a girl out there that is good enough for him in your eyes."

"That's not true," retorted Kevin.  "I'm sure he'll find someone wonderful some day.  But he hasn't yet."

"Maybe yes, maybe no.  But it should be his decision.  If he decides to pursue something with this girl, you should stay out of it."

"Well, of course," said Kevin.  "I would never interfere."  The others all looked at each other.  No one said anything and no one laughed.  No one was brave enough for that.

******************************

Nick had left the room because he wanted to call Grace.  He hoped that she had slept well.  She sure needed it after the day she had had.  He figured she'd be awake by 11:00.  She answered on the first ring.

"Style and Grace."

"Wow, that was fast!  You sure learned how to get around on those crutches!"

She laughed, "No, Nick.  I have a headset phone, so I can talk and work on the computer at the same time."

"Oh, I see.  Well, um...good morning!"

"Good morning to you."

"How are you feeling?  Did you sleep well?  Does your leg hurt?"

"Okay, Dr. Carter, here's the report.  Feeling a little shaky...probably the after-effects of the pain pills.  Slept like a log...also probably the pills.  Leg hurts a little.  Very frustrated by the crutches.  And you sir, are an absolute angel."

"No, I'm not.  I just wanted to do the right thing."

"Well, it was very sweet.  I mean, doing the dishes and everything."

"Hey, I said I couldn't cook.  I didn't say I was a total loss in the kitchen.  I did dishes when I was a kid."  Careful, he thought.  Don't remind her how young you are.

"I'm glad to hear you didn't have a misspent youth.  You know, leave home at thirteen and join the circus, or a pop group."

"Sometimes, they're the same thing," he said grimly.

"Uh oh, did you get in trouble for helping me and missing the meeting?"

"Well, it's not like I got sent to the principal's office."  Dammit.  Another kid reference.   What are you doing, Nick?

"But they didn't appreciate your Good Samaritan act as much as I did?"

"No...well, they're glad you're okay and everything, but they worry.  There's a lot of weirdos out there and..."

"...and I might be one of them.  I understand that perfectly.  Would they like a note from my mom?"  She was laughing.  "Or copies of my college diploma?  Maybe a sample of my DNA?"

Nick laughed.  "Yeah, Kevin would probably like that.  He worries the most."

"He's the oldest.  I guess it's his job."

She could hear voices in the background.  Come on, Nick, time to get back to work.

"Well, I guess you have to go.  Thanks for checking up on me."

"Listen, I...I was wondering...get lost, AJ!  Listen, Grace..."  Suddenly, all she could hear was muffled sound and the odd word...'Kevin'...'now'...

"Grace?" said AJ's distinctive voice.

"Yes?"

"What color is your hair?"

"Light brown."

"Eyes?"

"Dark brown."

"Age?"

"25 next month."

"Height?"

"5'6"."

"Weight?"

"None of your damned business!"

"Okay.  Cool."  And the connection went dead.


******************************

Grace spent the rest of the day learning how to do things the most efficient way with the crutches, and talking on the phone.  Matt called at noon.  Don't hang up, he said quickly.  I just want to see how your leg is.  She gave him a brief description of the mishap and told him she was fine.

"Look, Grace, that guy...you know, it might not be a good idea...you know, to jump into something too soon."

"Matt, I'm not jumping into anything.  He helped me out and he brought me home.  End of story.  And it's none of your business anyway."

"Of course, it's my business.  I love you.  And you love me.  I know you do.  As much as you can love anyone.  I was wrong.  I know that.  People make mistakes, Grace."

"Yeah, well, you made a big one."

"I know that, and I know it will take time for you to forgive me.  I'm willing to give that time, but I want you to give it too.  Let's not tell your parents yet.  There's no need to worry them unnecessarily.  And don't take up with someone else too soon."

"Look, Matt..."

"And who was that guy, anyway?  He looked familiar, but I couldn't..."  He heard the click as Grace severed the connection.

******************************

Grace called her mother right after that.  She didn't mention the engagement, just told her about her foot.  She could hear the maternal instinct kick in all the way from Ohio.  Was she okay?  Did Grace need her to come?  What did the doctors say?  What did Matt say?

Grace listened to the barrage of questions and waited for her mother to pause for breath.  Then she jumped in and reassured her that she was fine, no Mom, stay there, Dad needs you more than me, three to four weeks in a cast and then maybe some physiotherapy.

Grace had learned early on how to have a phone conversation with her mother.  Joan Barrett sat in Ohio (actually she rarely sat, but was on the move the entire day) and thought of things she wanted to say to her daughter.  When they would have their weekly chat, she would fire off a set of questions and Grace would answer as many as she could before the next batch came rolling down the wire.  Her older sister, Julie, was a naturalist working in Australia and Joan had no access to her.  Grace had to do double duty as a daughter. 

Interspersed with the questions were bits of maternal wisdom and information about her dad.  Have you been to any good shows?  Dad and I went to see Star Wars.  Why don't you get a real job?  The special effects were good.  Are you eating okay? Dad says he thinks you'd like it.

Grace thought of these weekly calls as contests.  Could she give her mother the true answers to her questions and still maintain her own dignity and independence?  Or would she let something slip that would have her mother sprinting to the airport?

What Grace did not realize was that her mother was much better at this contest than she was.  Her mother listened carefully to every phrase and nuance, but mostly she listened to see which questions Grace chose not to answer.  And today, it was the question about Matt.

"Are you really okay, honey?"  Genuine concern floated over the air.

"Yeah, Mom.  I'm fine.  I just have to learn some patience.  It's not my best thing, you know.  Or yours, for that matter.  I can't picture you on crutches."

They laughed together and Grace told her mom she was going to take a pain pill and have a nap.  Tell Dad not to worry.  I'm fine.

Grace did lay down for an hour, but she didn't take a pain pill.  She hated medication, hated anything that would fog her mind.  She didn't even drink, beyond occasional wine at dinner.  When she got up, she went back to the computer.  She had spent the morning there finishing up the Lighthouse Project.  She was ready to show it to the Board and get their approval to publish it on the web.

She sat down at the keyboard and looked at the screen.  She didn't feel like starting anything new.  She clicked Explorer open.  She opened her favorite news site and read the daily headlines.   She checked out the sports page to see how the Reds were doing.  Her fingers moved idly over the keyboard and she realized that she had typed something in the Search line - Backstreet Boys.  Her hand hovered over the mouse.  Should she?  Click!  Holy Mother of God!  Look at them all.  She started scrolling down - there was an official site, information sites that promised photos, bios and discography.  And fan sites - hundreds of them.  She spent the next couple of hours wandering around the Backstreet part of the web.  Not much wonder they were afraid of weirdos.  There were people out there devoting their lives to these men.

Grace had always been a fan of the music, but this went way beyond that.  Some of these people had adopted them into their daily lives, knew every move they made, had special newsgroups to inform them of any mention of them.  And fanfiction!  Grace couldn't even go there!  She wondered if the Boys knew what was out there!

At four o'clock, the phone rang.

"Style and Grace."

"I like that - the way you answer the phone."

"Well, it's the name of my company," she said, a little overwhelmed by the swarm of butterflies in her stomach.

"It's Nick.  I'm sorry we got cut off earlier.  AJ can be such a goof sometimes."

"That's okay.  I know you had to work."

"Yeah, we got a lot done.  How was your day?"

"No crutches have been thrown through a window yet, but it was a close thing once or twice."

He laughed.  "Now don't be doing that.  You have a lot of windows.  Maybe you should stay on the other side of the room."

"Oh, sure, the kitchen," she retorted.  "There's a plan.  Just sit and eat for three weeks."

He recalled the feel of her in his arms.  Maybe it wouldn't hurt her to eat for three weeks.  She was a bit skinny.  "Well, do you need any groceries or anything?  I could pick some up for you."

"No, I'm good.  I have a delivery service."

"Oh, okay."  The disappointment in his voice thrilled her.

"But...um...I do need a couple of pieces of furniture pushed around...to make it easier to get around."

"I'll come over and do that for you."

"Are you sure?  You've done so much."

"No problem.  And I'll bring dinner.  Not pizza.  What about Chinese?"

"Sounds great.  I like everything."

"Terrific.  I can even do chopsticks.  I'll see you around 7:00."


******************************

When Nick arrived, Grace had set out plates and chopsticks.  He insisted that she sit down and let him serve.  He had beer and she had water again.  They sat on the stools at the kitchen counter and chatted amicably about his day.  She asked questions about the technical side of things.  He guessed that shouldn't surprise him. She seemed to be into that kind of thing.  He explained that the meetings they were having this week were more about business than music.  They had their own company, KBNHA, as well as Backstreet to think about.  He said that it was hard being in charge of your own company and he asked about hers.

Grace told him that she had set it up six months ago.  Before that, she had worked for someone else, but she didn't feel she was getting enough credit for her work or enough say in the final decision.  Even when she worked for someone else, she had worked from home, though.

"So does it bother you to work and live in the same place?  Do you ever get sick of it?"  Nick longed for the day when he could stay in the same place long enough to get sick of it.

"No, I go out a lot.  It works out great.  Most people work all day and at the end of it, they can't wait to get home and stay there.  At the end of my work day, I'm ready for a change too, and that means going out.  I love the movies, theatre, all kind of music, sports.

"What sports?  Football?  Basketball?"  Nick perked up at the mention of sports.

"I like all sports.  But I love baseball.  Cincinnati is my team - the Big Red Machine."

Nick dropped the chopsticks on his plate.  He had enjoyed the food and was glad to see that Grace had eaten a plateful as well.

"Now, where's that furniture that needs moving?"  Nick stood up and looked around the room.   He hoped it wasn't going to be a bookcase.  He had never seen so many books in one place.  Grace pointed out a table and armchair that needed to be moved back a few inches.  They didn't really.  That was just her excuse for seeing him.  She thought the ploy terribly transparent, but he didn't seem to mind.

He moved the furniture and then wandered over to her work area.  Wow!  This was impressive.  He didn't even know the names of half the - what were they called? - peripherals.  "I'd like to see your work...one of your websites," he said to her.

"There's a list on the bulletin board.  It's kind of like my resume.  I'm always on-line, so just type one in.  I'll be right back."  Grace headed for the bathroom.

Nick sat down at the keyboard.  He looked at the list.  Typing was not his best thing.  He always goofed up on a web address - forgot a dot or a slash or something.  He went to the History icon.  Maybe she had already been at one of these sites today.  He clicked and his stomach dropped.  Oh no! Line after line of Backstreet Boys.  He scrolled down.  There must have been fifty of them.

"How do you live with it?" she asked.  He jumped.  She was standing behind him.  Oh, for Pete's sake, Nick.  What do you think - she's a stalker?

"What do you mean?" he asked.  He swiveled the chair around to look at her.

"I looked up your official site today, just to check it out, from a professional point of view, and I found...this."  She waved her hand at the screen.  "Doesn't it make you nervous?"

"They're our fans.  Where would we be without our fans?"  He shrugged.

"Fans, yes...but Nick, some of these people want to own you, and some of them think they do!"  Shut up, she told herself.  What are you trying to do, scare him?

"We don't look at most of it.  Our publicists have that awful job.  They track all the crap and the rumors so that we can be ready to deal with it.  The fan sites always have the news before the real media, so it kinda gives us a heads up."

"I guess, but...how do you know when someone is real...and not, you know, just a fan?"

Nick smiled up at her.  "Sometimes good things leap out in front of you." 

Grace laughed and ruffled his hair.  "You're sweet."  Then she sighed.  "I guess you're used to it.  Today was the first time I'd seen it and it was very shocking."

Nick felt a surge of relief wash through him.  He stood up and ushered her to a couch.  "So what did you think of our website - professionally speaking?"  He took the crutches from her and leaned them up against a pillar.

Grace wrinkled her nose.  "It isn't very good.  It's difficult to get into and to move around in.  But it's not you guys, is it?  It's the record company."

"Yeah, they have control of it.  And we can't set up our own.  It's in our contract."

"Well, maybe there's something you learned for when you negotiate your next contract.  I mean, when you signed this one, websites were just becoming the thing to do.  If you even had one, it was amazing.  Now, you really have to have a good one to make it work."  She braced her weight on her hands to shift herself to a more comfortable position.  She winced.

"Are you okay?  Is it your leg?" he asked.

"No, my leg is fine.  It's my hands, from the crutches.  I guess they're not toughened up yet."

Nick picked up her hand and looked at her palm.  He stroked it lightly with his fingertips.  "Yes, it's very soft," he said, half to himself.

Grace's mouth went dry.  The sensation in her hand raced up her arm to her brain and froze it.  Nick looked at her face.

"Hey, you're beat!  I'll get going.  Do you need any help getting to bed?  I mean..." he blushed.

"No, no.  I can do it," she answered.  She thought her voice sounded funny, but he didn't seem to notice.

Nick grabbed the crutches from their spot on the pillar.  He held them in one hand and reached the other to her.  Grace grabbed it and Nick pulled her up on her good foot.  She swayed forward too far and lost her balance.  He let go of her hand and wrapped his arm around her.

"Steady there," he whispered.  They stood together for a moment.  Then she broke away from him and reached for the crutches. 

She walked him to the door.  "I seem to spend all my time thanking you, but once again..."

"There's no need.  Again, I enjoyed it.  Now you take care and get a good night's sleep.  I'll call you tomorrow."  Nick brushed his lips across her cheek and was gone.

Grace closed the door behind him and leaned against it for a moment.  She put her hand up to her cheek where he had kissed her.  Then she looked over at the computer.  No, she didn't feel like it tonight.  She was going to bed early.  She laughed to herself.  Wouldn't Matt be surprised if he knew that?


******************************

Nick drove over to Brian's place.  He phoned when he left Grace's to see if Brian was home.  Yeah, said Brian.  Leighanne is out with the girls and I'm minding the dogs and watching the game.  Come on over.

Nick was relieved to hear that Leighanne wasn't home.  He liked her and everything and he was really happy for Brian, but...well, Brian was a different person when she was around.  Not in a bad way, just more subdued, less fun.

Brian got Nick a beer and they watched the game for awhile, exclaiming over certain plays and arguing with the referee.  At a commercial, Brian went to get them another beer.  "So were you over at Grace's?"

"Yeah, I helped her rearrange some furniture and we had some dinner - Chinese."

"You like her, don't you?" asked Brian softly.  He loved this young man more than anyone but Leighanne and his mother.  He wanted Nick to find the happiness that he had.  Brian would give up the whole Backstreet thing in a minute if it meant losing one bit of what he had with his wife and it was his sincere wish that all his Backstreet brothers could find the same thing, especially this one.

"Yeah, I do," sighed Nick, "but..."

"But?"  Brian urged gently.

"But...I don't know if I'm just getting a kick out of taking care of her, you know, be on that side of it for a change, instead of being the one that's looked after.  Because I have to say, I'm getting a huge charge out of it.  I love doing stuff for her.  I mean, I'm sorry she's hurt and all..."

Brian understood.   He'd been there.  "Well, maybe you have to see her in another situation.  Not at her place.  Get her on your turf.  See how she does there."

Nick nodded.  That sounded like a good idea.

Thursday

"Style and Grace.  Good morning."

"Good morning.  It's Nick.  How are you feeling today?"

Great, since I heard your voice, thought Grace.  Out loud, she said, "Terrific.  I slept really well.  I barely notice the cast at all any more."

"Great!  Well, it's time to get you out in the real world.  Put on some shorts, we're going to the ocean."

"Oh, Nick.  I'll never be able to manage a beach with crutches."

"We're not going to a beach.  We're going to a boat.  My boat."

"Are you a good boat driver, or whatever the proper term would be?  If I fall overboard, I will sink like a rock!"

"Then I'll tie you to the railing.  Seriously, it will be fine.  Do you want to go?"

"I'd love to.  I'll get out my sunscreen!"

"Great.  I'll pick you up in an hour."

Grace turned to her computer.  Well, baby, she told it, you're not going to get much action today.  She was in the process of roughing out a new project.  This was usually an exciting time, but she turned her back on it with no regrets.

She got ready and was just putting the finishing touches on her makeup when the phone rang.  Her heart dropped.  Please, don't let it be him canceling.

"Style and Grace," she said hopefully.

"Hey, Baby."  It was Matt.  "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she said coolly. 

"I figured you might be a little stir crazy so I'm going to pick you up and take you to lunch."

"NO!  I mean, no, you're not.  Matt, I meant what I said.  I don't want to see you."

"Look, Grace.  We need to talk about this."

"No, Matt.  We don't need to talk about it.  Because every time we talk, you try and make it my fault...my problem.  Now, I know you were there for me when I needed you, but I've changed.  I'm more in control of my life now."

"You think so?  Then how do you explain...?"  There was a knock at the door.

"I have to go, Matt."  She hung up.

Matt Lowry stared at the dead phone in his hand.  What was going on here?  Grace would never have done this to him before.  He headed for the door.  "I'm going out, Janice.  I'll call in."


******************************

The knock at the door was not Nick.  It was Petey.  He was holding a wicker picnic basket.

"Hi, Ms. Barrett," he said shyly.  "How's your foot?"

"It's okay, Petey.  Thanks for asking."

Petey shifted from one foot to the other.  He was an awkward teenager.  Although he was seventeen, he hadn't hit his final growth spurt, and he was shy about his height. He didn't want to be a giant.  He only wanted to be 5''7".  Grace was 5'6".  Petey would settle for 5''7".

"What's this?" she asked, indicating the basket.

"Didn't you order it?" he asked, looking confused.

"No," she said, "What's in it?"

"I'm not supposed to say," he said, "Just give it to you."  He thought about that for a moment.  "That doesn't make any sense, does it?"

"It makes perfect sense," said Nick, coming up behind Petey.  "I ordered it," he said to Grace.  "Are you ready?"  He took the basket from Petey and slipped a $10. bill into his hand. 

Grace nodded and pulled on a sunhat.  Nick picked up her beach bag and carried it in the same hand as the basket.  The three of them went down in the elevator together.  No one said anything.  When they went out the front door, both Nick and Petey tried to hold the door open for Grace.  Nick won and a disgruntled Petey was left standing fingering the ten dollar bill and staring after them with unhappy eyes.

"What do you think, Petey?  New guy in town?" asked Gary.  Petey wasn't sure if Gary was making fun of him.

"What happened to the other one?" Petey asked. 

"They broke up apparently.  The same day she got hurt.  She doesn't seem to be missing him too badly."  They both watched as Nick helped Grace into the car.  They were laughing about something.  Petey's eyes narrowed.  He wondered if it was him.


******************************

As they were pulling into the parking lot at the marina, Nick sighed.  "I have to warn you, Grace.  There might be fans."

She grinned at him.  "You mean you publicized our...outing?"  She substituted for the word 'date' at the last second.

Nick smiled back at her.  My God, what a mouth! thought Grace.  "No," said Nick, "it's just that they know I keep my boat here and sometimes they hang around, you know, in case I show up."  He shrugged apologetically.  "It's supposed to be private, but..."

"Well, if you are planning on running from them, I'm going to be a serious handicap," laughed Grace.

Nick helped her out of the car.  "No, I don't run from them.  I try to be patient and sign stuff and let them take my picture.  But if it bothers you..."

"Just as long as they don't tip me into the bay in their rush to get to you."

They walked up the path to the marina entrance.  Nick waved to the security guard who waved back and buzzed the gate open.  As they were walking along the jetty, they were both thinking the same thing.  Grace's crutches freed them from making the decision whether or not to hold hands.  Neither of them was quite sure what kind of 'outing' this was.  Both of them thought they were fairly sure what they wanted it to be, maybe, sort of.

When they reached the boat, called Answer to My Life, Grace looked at the swaying vessel and then at Nick.  It was a cabin cruiser, she thought.  She really didn't know much about boats.  It was pretty big.  Could one person run it? 

Nick stepped gracefully onto the deck and set down the picnic basket and her bag.  He turned back and held out his hand.  "Give me the crutches," he said. 

Grace handed them over and balanced on her good foot.  She was beginning to have doubts about this whole operation.  Nick set down the crutches and then stepped back up onto the dock. He picked her up in his arms.  He could sense her nervousness.  "Trust me," he whispered and stepped down onto the boat.  Grace could feel it sway a little and she tensed, but Nick set her gently on her feet.  He smiled down into her eyes.  "See, you're safe.  Now, why don't you sit over here?  I have to do stuff."  He helped her up to a padded seat beside the wheel, the co-pilot's chair, she thought.  It was fairly high up, so he could see to drive, she guessed.  Getting down from here would be a challenge.  She smiled to herself.  Well, he would just have to help her with that.  There was an awning over the top, so she took off her hat.

Nick disappeared through a doorway leading to the cabin and reappeared a moment later without the basket or her bag.  Nick had called ahead and the boat was all ready for him.  The harbormaster had sent one of his assistants down to help them shove off.  Nick checked some gauges and things on an instrument panel that looked to Grace that it wouldn't be out of place in the cockpit of a jumbo jet.  Nick started the engines and played with the gauges some more.  Then he started undoing the mooring ropes.  The assistant helped him by untying the ones at the front and throwing them up on the deck.  Then he pushed on the front of the boat to help it turn out into the bay.  Nick turned and grinned at Grace.  "Here we go!" 

He pushed the throttle forward and the boat started cutting its way through the water.  It moved fairly slowly until it was away from the marina, and then it picked up speed on open water.  They cruised for about an hour in a wide semi-circle.  They ended up in another bay.  Nick slowed the boat down and then stopped it.  He dropped the anchor.  Grace thought he would have to pick it up and throw it over the side, but apparently it just came out of the bottom of the boat automatically.  Please don't let me appear too stupid, she asked some unknown deity of the sea.

"Are you hungry?" asked Nick.  Grace shrugged.  "Well, I am," he laughed.  "Let's see what Antonio has done for us."  He disappeared through the doorway (hatchway? she wondered) and returned with the basket.  He also had two bottles of water in his hand.  "This okay?"  She nodded and looked inquiringly at his choice of beverage.

"I never drink when I'm driving," he said, "...driving anything."

"Good plan," she said.

"Yeah," he responded, "It would kill the group if one of us got caught for that.  I mean, the fans forgive a lot, but that's just so irresponsible.  Wow!  Look at this."  He had opened the picnic basket and was peering inside.  He looked around at the boat.  There was no way Grace could make it along the edge to sit on the deck at the front.  So...he disappeared again and returned with a red checkered tablecloth. 

"My mother gave me this," he said sheepishly, and spread it on the deck.  Then he helped Grace down from the chair and had her sit on the back deck leaning up against the cushioned seats at the back.  He sat down beside her and started lifting things out of the basket.  Antonio had outdone himself, she saw.  There was a lovely crisp salad with a variety of red and green lettuces and baby spinach.  A jar held a vinaigrette dressing.  There was a dish of marinated cauliflower and broccoli.  Another lid was lifted to reveal a thermal dish holding steaming tortellini in a delicate pink sauce with shrimp.

"I don't eat this good when I go out, never mind on a picnic," said Nick.  "I'm not even sure I know what all this is."  He held up the salad.  "I've never seen some of these leaves before.  Are you sure we can eat them?"

"I told you Antonio was super.  Yes, you can eat them.  They're just like lettuce only with a bit more pungency to them."

"And that's a good thing, I guess?"  Nick had never heard the word 'pungency'.  "This smells good."  Another lid lifted, another delight revealed.  This time, a round flat loaf of warm focaccia bread.

Grace laughed.  "I knew that would be in there somewhere.  Antonio knows I'm addicted to his focaccia.  Tear off a bit and taste it.  You'll see."

Nick tore a small chunk out of the loaf and popped it into his mouth.  "Mmmmmmmmmm," he said.  "That's fantastic."

"Told ya."  She grinned at him.  "Did he pack any plates in there?  Or forks?"

"No, but I'm telling you, I run a high-class establishment here."  He disappeared down below again and returned with plates, utensils and checked napkins that matched the tablecloth.

"I'm not sure why Mom picked these out for me.  They are so NOT me."

"Maybe she thinks you'll open a café in France after you retire from show business."

"That's a long way away.  I'm only 22."  Bite off your tongue right now, Carter, and throw it in the ocean, he thought.  What the hell did you say that for? 

But Grace didn't react adversely.  She merely said, "Well, then I guess you'll be working a few more years.  It would really be spitting in the face of fate to retire that young.  I'll be 25 next month."

"Yes, I know.  AJ told me."  They both laughed as they recalled AJ's little phone quiz.

Nick began serving out the food and they sat beside each other enjoying the meal and each other's company.  They talked about lots of things, pausing every now and then to exclaim over some new taste sensation.  Nick wanted to know about Grace's business - how did you go about setting up a webpage?  Actually, he wanted to know about Grace's ex-fiancé, but he certainly wasn't going to ask.  Grace asked him about KBNHA - was it difficult to always have four other people involved in decisions?  Did each person's vote carry the same weight?

"Yeah, each person's vote carries the same weight, but not each person's voice, if you know what I mean.  When we first start, Kevin tends to be the leader, directing the discussion.  Not forcing us to see things his way, but just keeping us on track.  Some people have a tendency to get silly."  He raised his hand, acknowledging his own guilt in that area.  "Howie is usually quiet until he hears what everyone else has to say and then he says what he thinks.  He goes along usually with what the majority wants, but if he really feels strongly about something, he won't budge.  AJ is the devil's advocate.  You can always count on him to throw out some weird idea - just to see where it goes.  And you'd be amazed how often we end up actually doing some variation of what he suggested.  Brian is honest and says what he thinks, but lately..." He stopped talking.  He didn't want to be disloyal to his best friend.

"There's been a bit of a change since he got married?" queried Grace.

"Yeah, kind of.  But I guess there should be, shouldn't there?"  Both of them realized at the same moment what path they were heading down and looked for a way to change the subject.  An errant cloud helped them out.  As the shadow passed overhead, Grace shivered.

"Are you cold?  Should we be getting back?" asked Nick.

"No, I'm fine.  Nick, this has been lovely, more than lovely."

"The best is yet to come," he said, "you're going to take us back."

"What?" Grace looked for a sign that he was kidding.  None came.  Nick stood up and gathered all the picnic things into the basket.  Then he held out his hand to her and hauled her to her feet.  He stepped behind her and let her use his arms as crutches as he propelled her to the pilot's seat.  He hit some switch which moved it out of the way. 

"We'll do this better standing, I think," he said.  "Put your hands on the wheel." 

Grace tentatively reached out and touched the polished mahogany. 

"Go on," said Nick, "get a good grip.  I'm right behind you.  I'll hold you up."  He placed his left arm around her waist and whispered instructions in her ear.  With his right hand, he touched switches and pointed at gauges, explaining them to her.  He pulled up the anchor and the boat immediately began moving with the waves.  "Ready?"

Grace nodded.  Oh yeah, sure, I'm ready.  With you standing so close to me, I can barely concentrate on breathing.  How am I supposed to drive a big boat?

Nick put his hand on the throttle and slowly eased it forward.  Grace tensed but Nick spoke soothing words and eventually she got the hang of it.  It was open water, after all, not rush hour traffic.  After a few minutes, she relaxed and began enjoying herself.

Once he felt Grace relax, Nick actually tensed up.  When he could stop concentrating on driving the boat, he became aware of everything about her - how great her hair smelled, how pleasant it was to hold her, how very kissable the back of her neck looked.

They spent a very pleasant hour, each of them thinking thoughts they would never say out loud.  The shore line came into view.  Suddenly, Grace gasped.  "Oh, my God, where did they come from?"  Two jetskis ripped through the water beside them.

"Welcome home committee," replied Nick.  "It happens sometimes.  The word goes out that I went out on the boat and they wait for me to come back."

"You take over," said Grace.  "I don't want to hit anything or anyone."

"Okay," said Nick and with one motion, he lifted her into the captain's chair at his side.  Then he stood at the wheel and maneuvered the boat into the harbor.  He ignored the calls of the girls on the jetskis that were circling the boat and concentrated on what he was doing.  Grace thought the girls were coming awfully close to the boat, but Nick seemed calm.   He sensed her unease.  "They do it all the time," he said, staring straight ahead and focusing on the pier.  He pulled back on the throttle and the boat began to slow.

Suddenly, as quickly as they had appeared, the girls were gone.  "What happened?" asked Grace, not really wanting them to come back, but wondering where they went.

"They went in.  They'll be waiting for us on the dock, probably with cameras in hand."

"How will you get me off the boat?" asked Grace.

"Same way I got you on."  Nick looked sideways for a moment and grinned.

Grace didn't know what to think.  She had learned yesterday that everything he did went on the Internet.  A picture of him carrying someone from his boat would be a hot item, for sure.  So you'd better decide, she said to herself.  Can you deal with this?  Aw hell, she thought, it's the new me, I can deal with anything.  "Maybe this time, I'll carry you, what do you think...good idea?"

They both laughed and Nick throttled the boat down to almost nothing.  They were approaching the dock.  Grace took a deep breath.

It wasn’t as bad as Grace thought it would be.  The harbormaster wouldn’t allow the girls to come right to the boat, so Nick got Grace off without any fuss.  As they made their way up the jetty to the public area, they could hear girlish squeals and laughter. 

“You have to tell me what to do,” said Grace, a touch of panic edging into her voice.  “What do you want me to do?”

Nick stopped walking.  Grace stopped too.  He stepped in front of her so that she was shielded from the entrance.  He looked down at her and his eyes were serious. 

"First and foremost, understand this.  I had a great time with you, Grace.  And I would really hate it if the next five minutes colored your view of me.  They probably won't talk to you.  They don't care about you.  Oh God, that sounds so awful."  She shook her head, no, go on.  "Just keep moving.  Keep your head down.  I'll do the rest.  Okay?"

She nodded at him.  "I had a great time, too."

They looked at each other.  A kiss would have been entirely appropriate at this moment, but they both knew they couldn't risk it.  Nick turned back toward the entrance.   He pushed the door opened and shepherded Grace through.  Then he stayed a half step ahead of her as the girls converged on them.  Grace kept her head down and kept moving forward.  Nick was wonderful with the crowd.  He smiled and spoke and let them take his picture, but he didn't slow his pace, just kept moving forward.   He signed a couple of autograph books that were thrust in front of him and then they were through the door to the VIP parking area. 

"You okay, Grace?" were his first words.  She was touched by that.

"I'm good.  You were right.  I was invisible.  Cool."

"You think it's cool?"  Nick seemed surprised by her answer.

"Why wouldn't I think that?" she queried.  "Why would I want to go through that?  I'm nobody."

"First off, you're not 'nobody'..." 

Grace shrugged and waved her hand in dismissal.  You know what I mean.

"Second, many of the girls I've dated would have been totally pissed to be ignored like that."

"Really.  How many of them did you go out with twice?"  Stupid thing to say, you moron, she chastised herself.  He hasn't asked you out twice.

"Good point," laughed Nick.  "Yeah, it's kind of a test sometimes.  And by the way, you passed with flying colors."

They drove home without talking.  Nick put on the radio and they listened to music.  Grace was pretty tired out by the day and fell asleep halfway home.  When they arrived at her apartment, Nick was reluctant to wake her.  She looked serene when she was asleep.  Some people fell asleep with their mouth gaping open or made weird breathing noises.  But not Grace.  She just leaned her head back and drifted off.  Nick wondered if she would tell him he smelled good as she came awake.  Or maybe she only did that as she was passing out. 

He turned off the engine and went around to her side.  He opened the door and leaned in.  "Grace," he said softly.  "Grace, wake up, we're home."  He reached in and touched her arm.

"Mmm..." she said, opening her eyes.  She couldn't figure out where she was.  She turned her head sideways and saw Nick.   She was instantly awake.  "Oh, I can't believe I did that." 

"It's okay," he said.  "The sun and breeze do it to you.  If I hadn't been driving, I might have done the same."  He helped her out of the car.   She shook her head to clear the cobwebs.  He reached in and grabbed the picnic basket and her bag.   They went into the building and made their way across the lobby.  Grace gave a small wave at Gary. 

The security guard smiled back.  "Hope you wore your sunscreen," he called out.  She nodded at him.  They waited for the elevator in silence.  When it arrived, they stepped on and both looked at the floor.  They arrived at Grace's floor and got off.  At the door, Nick made a big production of the picnic basket.  "I wonder what I should do with this.  Should I take it back now?"

"No," said Grace.  "I'll return it when I'm there next...or Petey can take it the next time I call for pizza."  Nick agreed that this might be a good plan.

There was nothing more to say or do.  The moment was becoming awkward, so he kissed her.  He leaned down and gently touched his lips to hers.  She tilted up her head and kissed him back. 

"Grace, I don't know...the timing on this...Matt and all...I don't want to get in your way...but I just...I had a good time today."

"Me too, Nick.  Thank you.  And you are not in the way."

He ran his fingers down her cheek and left.   She closed the door and leaned against it.  Wow!  Quite the day!  She was going to have to think about this one.  She pushed herself off the door and took a couple of steps.  A scent alien to her apartment assailed her nose.  She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw, sitting on a table in front of a sofa, a vase full of roses.  How did they get here? she wondered.  She moved over to them and picked up the card.  'Sorry I missed you.  Love you.  Matt.'  A chill went up her spine.  She spun first one way, then the other, as if half expecting him to appear.

She went to the phone and hit the star key with trembling fingers.  This connected her to the lobby.  "Gary speaking," was what she heard.

"Gary, it's Grace Barrett.  Did you let anyone up here today?  Was anyone in my apartment?"

"Ah, yes, Ms. Barrett.  That was me.  You had flowers delivered and I...uh...I didn't know how you'd get them up there, what with your crutches and all, so I just brought them up and put them there...on the table."

Grace sighed in relief.  She didn't know what she had been scared of.  That Matt still had keys?  Or what he might do?  Where was that coming from? she wondered.

"Was that okay?" he asked.  "I hope I didn't do anything wrong."

"No, no, Gary.  That was very kind.  It was just a surprise, that's all."

"Um...he delivered them himself.  He...uh...he..."  Gary took a deep breath.  "He came by and you were already gone.  He wanted to know where you went, but we didn't tell him..."

"We?" queried Grace.

"Petey was still here.  He only missed you by a minute or two.  Anyway, we just said you weren't home.  He wasn't real happy about it, but he disappeared and then came back a little while later.  He had the flowers and said he wanted to put them in your apartment, but I wouldn't let him.  He said he was going to leave you a note.  Is everything okay, Gra...Ms. Barrett?"

"Everything's fine, Gary.  Thank you.  That was very sweet of you to think of me.  Bye!"

"Bye, Ms. Barrett," he said, but he was talking to a dead line.  He leaned back in his chair.  Yes, he had certainly stopped 'The Man in Black' - this was how he thought of Matt - from getting close to Grace.  He had used his most coplike manner in refusing entry to him.  When he delivered the flowers, he had been tempted to change the card or tear it up, but decided against it.  From the sounds of things, though, it didn't matter.  Grace didn't seem too interested in patching things up.   He wondered how much this had to do with Blondie.  Petey didn't like Blondie.  Of course, Petey didn't like anyone that got close to Grace.  Gary thought it was kinda funny and kinda pathetic at the same time.  Petey sure wore his heart on his sleeve as far as Grace was concerned. 


****************************


The little nap Grace had in the car energized her and she headed for her office.  She turned off the phone ringer.  She didn't want any interruptions as she roughed out her new assignment.  She needed to see the big picture and keep details and threads straight in her head.  One ring of the phone could make it all go 'poof' like in a cartoon.  When she reached a point where she could take a break, she leaned back and stretched.  She looked at her watch.  Good Lord, it was nearly eleven o'clock.   When she looked around the table and saw how much she had accomplished, she was very pleased. 

Grace turned the phone back on and checked her voice mail.  Wow!  Eight messages.  One from her mother and one from her dad.  She smiled to herself.  Tag team.  They always did it that way.  Her mom would leave a message and then would want to call again, but didn't want to be a nag, so she would make Dad do it.  She knew that her mother would be hovering over his shoulder telling him what to say the whole time.

A message from Matt - similar to the card.  Sorry I missed you.  A second message from Matt - call me when you get home.  We need to talk.  Two messages about business.  Matt again - sounding pissed - you have to be home by now.  Call me.  Then again.  Grace, I know you're there.  Pick up.

Grace sighed and reached for the phone.  She knew she had to call him.  She didn't want him coming over to check on her.  She hoped she would get his machine.  But he picked up on the first ring.

"Grace?"

"Hello, Matt."

"What the hell have you been up to?  Why weren't you answering your phone?  Where were you today?"  He paused and took a deep breath.  "Because I was worried...you know, with your leg and all...you might have fallen."

"No, Matt.  I didn't fall.  I've been working.  I shut the phone off.  You know I don't like interruptions when I'm starting something new."

"Grace, I need to see you."

"No, Matt.  I don't want to see you.  Don't start this again."

"But we love each other."

"Maybe we do, maybe we don't.  I don't know yet.  But what I do know is that I was too dependent on you.  And I think maybe you liked it that way.  But I don't want that any more.  I want to be in control of my own life."

"You can be in control of your life and have me in it," he said.

"Look, I need some time on this.  Give me some time.  Please, Matt..."

He reluctantly gave in.  She hadn't said a definite no.  So he would give her some time, but he would be watching carefully.


******************************

Nick called Brian as soon as he dropped Grace off.  Come on over, said Brian.  Kev's here too.  Nick wasn't sure he wanted Kevin to be there. 

Kevin was his big brother.  He was big brother to them all, actually, even Howie who was almost the same age.  He felt the responsibility keenly, watching over them and trying to guide them through life's pitfalls.  He was a perfectionist and demanded much of himself.  He didn't expect the others to be perfect, but he did expect them to try.

Nick had made some unfortunate choices in his search for love and now Kevin questioned every relationship.  Relationship, hah!  He questioned every date, every conversation, every photo that appeared on the Internet.  And Nick knew that Kevin didn't like the way he had met Grace.   There was something about it that made Kevin suspicious.   Nick had told Grace that "sometimes good things just leap out in front of us", but Kevin wasn't buying it.

"How was the ocean?"  Brian settled Nick in a chair with a beer. 

"Deep and blue," said Nick.  Kevin looked at him expectantly.  Nick knew there was no point in trying to keep anything back.  Kevin would get it all out of him eventually and then wonder why Nick had been reluctant to tell all in the first place.  "I had a good time.  I think Grace did too.  And the food...man, you have to try this place -  Antonio's."

He described the meal and the weather and the waves.  Then he fell silent waiting for one of them to speak.  He was much relieved that it was Brian.  "So, Grace had a good time?"

"Yes, it whacked her out though.  You know what it's like when people aren't used to it.  She fell asleep in the car on the way home."  Nick smiled at the memory.

"Are you planning on seeing her again?"  Kevin came right to the point.

"I don't know.  I'd like to.  I'd really, really like to.  But..."

"The ex-fiancé!"  Kevin zeroed in.

"Yeah, she says it's over, but...okay, this is going to sound weird, but it's like it was too easy for her, if you know what I mean.  Shouldn't breaking off an engagement be a little more traumatic?  Of course, I don't know what she does when she's not with me.  She could be devastated..."

"Either way, you lose," said Kevin matter-of-factly.  Brian moved to protest.  Kevin held up a hand.

"Face it, Nick.  You are Rebound Guy.  Either she uses you to help her get over this Matt guy and then she moves on, or she uses you to find out that she really wants him after all."

Or uses me to get even.  Nick remembered Matt's words from their first meeting.

"And there's no possibility in your mind that this could be fate handing them both their future?" asked Brian.  He  wasn't prepared to be as cynical about love as Kevin. He had found his future by chance.  Why couldn't Nick?

Kevin shrugged.  Anything was possible.  "Do what you need to do, Nick.  Just don't invest too much of your heart too soon.  You've seen her every day.  Why not give it a rest for a couple of days?"

Nick nodded.  That sounded like good advice.  And he had that thing at the club tomorrow night, so he wouldn't have been able to see her anyway. 

"Yeah, okay.  Thanks, guys."  Kevin nodded in satisfaction.  Brian was less sure that the advice was wise.

Friday

Grace spent the next day at her computer.  She hadn't been putting in the hours that she usually did and wanted to make up for it.  Besides, she thought, keep busy and you won't have to think about your sorry life.  But she found herself often, sitting staring at the screen, her mind miles away on the ocean, or right here with Matt, or back in Ohio...no, she didn't want to go there.

You are going to have to go there someday, she told herself.  But not today.  She shook her head and went back to work.  She stopped at noon for a sandwich and at 3:00 for some stretches and a yogurt.  But she was on a roll and wanted to keep at it. At 7:00, her stomach growled.

She ordered pizza from Antonio's.  When she called, Antonio's wife Maria answered the phone.  "It's Grazia," she yelled.  Antonio immediately took the phone.  How are you?  How's the leg?  How was the picnic?  Grace thought Antonio could give her mother a run for her money in the overprotectiveness sweepstakes.  She answered all his questions and exclaimed over the food.  She thanked him profusely and passed on Nick's thanks as well.

"A nice young man," said Antonio, in his strong Italian accent.  "Very polite.  Bring him by for dinner sometime.  I'll make you something very special."

Grace said that she would and ordered the pizza.  Antonio clucked his tongue.  "Going to be working all night again, Grazia?  That's not a good idea."  Grace reassured him that she was taking care of herself and rang off.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock.  She knew it would be Petey.  Visitors were to be announced by Gary at all times, but Petey only arrived if someone was expecting him, so he didn't bother to check in, would just wave at Gary and announce his destination.  Gary would wave back and go on with his work, pretending that he was a police officer.  Gary took his responsibilities very seriously and kept careful notes on all activity in the building.  It wasn't in his job description and probably wasn't even legal, but he never showed the notes to anyone, just kept them for himself.  It made him more than just a security guard in his eyes.  He had tried to get into the police academy a couple of times, but failed.

"It's open," called Grace, without turning from the computer.  She heard Petey come in and she hit a few final keystrokes.  She swiveled the chair around and grabbed the crutches.  Petey was standing inside the door holding the pizza bag.  His hair was combed with some kind of gel in it and he had on a nice shirt and pants.

"Hi, Petey," she smiled.  "You look good.  Do you have a date after work?"

Petey blushed, both embarrassed and pleased that she had noticed.  "Yeah, a bunch of us are going to the movies."  He ducked his head shyly.  Grace motioned for him to set the pizza on the counter and take the picnic basket.  She reached for her purse for a tip.  She kept a running account at Antonio's for the pizza, but always gave Petey his tip in cash.  At first, he had tried to refuse, but Grace insisted, saying 'college doesn't pay for itself, you know'.

"Well, she's a lucky girl, whoever she is.  Have a good time."

Petey's feet didn't touch the ground all the way back to the restaurant.  Grace thought someone would be lucky to go out with him!

Gary smiled as Petey went by the desk without even noticing him.  Petey had a silly grin on his face and a faraway look in his eye.  Gary wondered what stupendous thing Grace had said to him this time.  Probably 'thanks for the pizza'.

Gary thought about Grace for awhile.  He was attracted to her himself, but had never thought about making a move - what with the fiancé and all.  But he seemed to be history.  Gary didn't know about the new guy - Gary knew who he was, of course.  He had recognized him the first night.  But it gave him a small sense of satisfaction to let on that he didn't know who Nick was.    When Nick had arrived the day before to pick Grace up, Gary had pretended he didn't remember him and had made him identify himself and ask for Grace's apartment specifically, before he allowed him to go up.

Gary leaned back in his chair and massaged his crotch.  He could feel the beginning of an erection.  He rubbed himself idly.  It amused him to stay in a state of semi-hardness for most of his shift.  There were large blocks of time when he had nothing to do but sit and look at porno magazines.

He found it funny to talk to the tenants from behind his big desk, talking normally, carrying on conversations while he was sitting there with a boner.  At night, when he got home, he'd take care of it once and for all, picturing one of the girls from the magazines dropping to her knees in front of him or one of the female tenants spread-eagled on his desk.  Lately, it was Grace's face and body that he pictured while his hand jerked up and down.

Grace ate a couple of slices of pizza and looked at her watch.  Eight o'clock.  She sighed.  She had tried all day not to think about Nick.  Every time the phone rang, her pulse had raced, but it had only been salesmen, business acquaintances and a couple of friends who had heard of her mishap and wanted to lend support.  Not that there were many of those.  Most of the people she knew were acquaintances of Matt. She had many on-line friends, made through business, but they were scattered around the country.

She made her way to the stereo.  She had a 6-CD changer that she filled every morning and set to 'random play'.  Many of the CDs were ones she had made herself blending favorites from her collection with downloads from the Internet.  At approximately eighty minutes per CD, she had nearly eight hours of uninterrupted music - her favorite songs quietly filling the background of her day.  She was on the second batch for this day, but she was done. 

She hit the Stop button.  She just wasn't in the mood for another Backstreet Boys song.  She looked at her computer.  Nope.  Done there too.  She surveyed her video collection.  She wanted something...not sappy romantic...not action and violence...  those were all Matt's...something with heart.  Here, this would do.  She pulled out Remember the Titans, a football movie with Denzel Washington.  She loved his work, and there was nothing like an uplifting sports movie, where the good guys come from behind and win.

Grace popped the movie in the player and relaxed on the sofa.  She was just going to veg tonight.  For tomorrow, she had set herself the onerous task of taking a shower.  She had been doing sponge baths since the accident, but she wanted a long, hot shower. She knew it was going to be tricky, but she hoped to do it without either killing herself or washing away the apartment.


******************************


After advising Nick to stay away from Grace for a couple of days, Kevin was determined to make him do it.  He asked Nick to pick him up on the way to the meeting, giving some excuse about the car having a tune-up.  Today, they were listening to demos of prospective artists for their label.  At the first break, Kevin asked to borrow Nick's cell phone to call his wife.  After completing the call, he turned off the ringer and slipped the phone into his pocket.

At the next break, he motioned Nick over to the refreshment table.  "Can you do me a big favor?" he asked.  "You remember Kristin's friend Theresa?"  Nick shrugged.  Not really.  Kevin went on, "Well, she is in from out of town and we were going to bring her to the club tonight."  Nick shrugged again.  So what?

"She doesn't want to go on her own with me and Kris.  Says she'll feel like extra baggage or something." 

Nick looked at him oddly.  He went out with Kevin and Kris all the time on his own.  And Brian and Leigh too. 

"It's a woman thing," said Kevin.  "I don't get it either.  But Kris wants me to get you or Howie to 'go with her'."  He put quotation marks around the words with his fingers.

"Howie's not going," said Nick.  "Pollyanna's got a gig and he's going to that."

"Oh," said Kevin, and waited.  He was willing to ask if he had to, but he preferred it if the suggestion came from Nick.

"I'm going, so that makes a fourth.  Is that okay?"

"That would be great, Li'l Bro.  I really appreciate it.  Kristin was worried about it.  How about if we pick you up?  We're getting a car."

"Sure, that would be fine.  I don't want to drive anyway."

Kevin moved away, back to the conference table.  Brian had been getting some juice and had heard the whole thing.  Kevin's ploy had been so obvious.  He couldn't believe Nick hadn't seen through it.  Or maybe he had.  Who knew?  AJ's words ran through his mind, How long before Kevin wrecks it?

Nick had seen through Kevin.  Theresa from out-of-town?!  Good God. But he didn't mind.  He was going anyway and this actually served his purpose.  He wouldn't feel the pressure to put the moves on anyone; he could just kick back, have a couple of drinks and enjoy the music.

Nick loved music - they all did; they had very different tastes in music for their personal listening.  Nick leaned more to the 'rock' side of things and the group playing tonight, Pleather, was an up-and-coming act that Nick enjoyed and figured would be huge one day soon.


******************************

Nick enjoyed the evening immensely.  Theresa turned out to be a very nice girl with no interest in him whatsoever.  All she could talk about was her boyfriend back home, who was a big rock fan, and how excited he would be to hear that she had seen so-and-so.  Each time she said it, she named another person in the club.  Apparently, he would not be that impressed that she had met a Backstreet Boy or two.

Theresa was into college basketball and they talked about that during one of the set breaks.  They were seated in the VIP section of the club and security made sure they weren't disturbed by non-VIP patrons.  The club management knew that they never accepted free drinks from anyone and that no one from outside the section was allowed to approach their table.  They had been burned too many times in the early years.

There were no cameras allowed anywhere in the club, but they knew that made no difference.  Someone always got a picture.  The Backstreet Boys were a phenomenon in the entertainment industry - they had the most widespread and loyal fanbase anyone had ever seen.  It covered all ages and spanned the globe.  They were nearing their tenth year together and the hype from the fans just grew bigger every day.  They could cause a stir just by - well, just by being.

They had learned to deal with it - sometimes, the hard way.  But they knew now - never in public - no swearing, no drunk and disorderly behavior, no altercations, no matter how provoked you were by some asshole trying to make himself bigger by shooting you down.  They never heard the words 'Backstreet Boy' as a statement of fact - it was either a breathless, adoring whisper or a vicious slur, usually accompanied by the adjective 'fucking'.

Saturday

"Style and Grace."  She mentally crossed her fingers.  Let it please be Nick.

"A Backstreet Boy, Grace?  A fucking Backstreet Boy?"

Matt had finally placed the face.  The receptionist at his firm was a fan of the group and kept a small, framed picture of them on her desk like they were her family.  Matt had seen it every day for over a year, but hadn't really looked at it.  When he arrived at the office the previous morning, he nodded hello to Carol.  She had the picture in her hands, was about to replace the photo with a more recent one.  The picture caught his eye.  That was the guy!

"Who are they?" he asked.

Carol rolled her eyes.  She was sick of explaining.  "They're a musical group - the Backstreet Boys."

Matt nodded.  He'd heard of them, sure, even knew some of their music.  "Who's he?" pointing at the tall blond in the middle.

"That's Nick...Nick Carter," she added.  She smiled shyly.  "He's my favorite."

"Why?" asked Matt.  "Is he the lead singer?"

"No, well...one of them, sort of...it's hard to explain how they do a song..."

Matt cut her off.  "So then why is he your favorite?"

Carol was over forty and felt foolish explaining the feeling she got when she saw pictures of Nick or heard him sing or when he pointed at her from a video.  "He's just...sweet," she finished lamely.  That didn't begin to describe it, but it was enough for Matt.  He nodded and continued up the hall to his office.

"Good morning, Matt," said Janice hopefully.

"Morning," he replied, picking up his messages.  He moved past her to his office.  Janice sighed.  When Matt told her that Grace had broken off the engagement, she had been outwardly sympathetic and inwardly thrilled.  She had been sleeping with him for nearly three months and she wanted it to become legitimate - actual dating...going out to dinner, dancing - not just waiting around to get laid because Grace had a headache or whatever.  He hadn't come near her since it happened, but Janice was patient.  She figured she had the home court advantage, seeing Matt in the office every day.

He stopped at his door and turned back.  "Janice," he said.  "Will you do a little research for me?  Nick Carter."

"Backstreet Boys Nick Carter?" asked Janice.

Matt nodded.  For God's sakes, did everyone know these guys?  "Yeah, find out everything you can for me."

"Is he going to be a client?" asked Janice.

"I may have some business with him, yes," muttered Matt, disappearing into his office.  First rule of warfare, he thought to himself.  Know your enemy.

Janice came in an hour later with a report - a recent photo, biographical details, financial worth, likes and dislikes, scandals and girlfriends - and a list of websites where Matt could look further.  He wouldn't, of course.  He hated the Internet.  The more Grace got into it, the more he backed away.  It was the 'other man' in Grace's life.  He picked up the photo of Nick.  Until now.

Matt sifted through the information Janice had given him.  He leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers together behind his head.  From all he could see, Nick was just a dumb kid with a good voice and a bad reputation.  He seemed to have an affinity for doing and saying stupid things.  Yet he was Carol's favorite...and he had certainly seemed like a take-charge kind of guy the night Matt saw him at Grace's.

Matt thought about it all day and by the end had decided.  He wouldn't call Grace tonight.  She said she wanted space.  He would give it to her.  Let her spend a lonely Friday night, or better yet, let her spend it hobbling through crowds after the stupid, blond guy.  He didn't have to worry about them having sex.  There was Grace's broken leg and then there was...well, there was Grace.

He invited Janice out for dinner.  She was ecstatic at the thought and exchanged her Friday panties for a pair of crotchless ones in the ladies room before they left the office.  They went to an Italian restaurant near where she lived.  It wasn't as good as Antonio's, Matt thought.

Janice sat beside him in the booth and used the long tablecloth as a shield for her hand movements.  She ran her fingernails up his inseam and massaged his groin.  Matt looked at her in surprise and then smiled.  This was going to be fun.  Grace would never do anything this brazen in public.

Matt enjoyed Janice's ministrations through the appetizer.  While waiting for the salad, she took his hand and ran it up under her skirt.  His eyes widened at what he found, but he left his hand there, rubbing her.  As the waiter approached with the salad, Matt slid his middle finger into her.  She squirmed in her seat and squeezed her walls around it.

The waiter went back to the kitchen.  "Now, he's finger-fucking her," he said to the sous-chef.  My God!  Why didn't they get a room?  They saw it all the time in the restaurant - couples going at it under the tablecloth.  And each thinking they had invented something new.

Matt and Janice finished dinner and declined dessert.  They rearranged their clothes - by the end of the meal, Matt's zipper was down and his penis was in her hand.  They went back to her apartment and didn't even make it to the bedroom.  He leaned her against the kitchen table and dropped his pants.  He entered her roughly and finished quickly.  A very satisfying experience for him; somewhat less so for her.

He disappeared into the bathroom.  She grabbed a handful of tissues and cleaned herself up.  She was determined to get more than this from him.  She wanted him to stay all night.  She loved morning sex and figured if she could keep him here, she could make him forget Grace once and for all.  Matt had let it slip once that Grace "wasn't all that good in the sex department".  Janice knew that it was one of her very best departments and she was going to use it to her advantage.  She would do anything to keep his mind off Grace.

"So why did you want to know about Nick Carter?" she asked, after they had settled on the sofa with drinks.  She was totally unaware that she had just scuttled her own fleet.

"He's got lots of money and he needs financial advice."  Matt shrugged.  "I might have a contact."

Janice nodded and began talking about the group.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if Matt could get all five of them as clients?  What a PR boost that would be for the firm!  She liked Nick, she said, but AJ was her favorite.

What the fuck was this? Matt asked himself.  He didn't have a clue about AJ, but he wondered, did everyone have a favorite?

They chatted for a few more minutes and then Janice moved over and knelt between his knees.  "Are you going to stay over?" she asked.  The challenge was evident.  If Matt wanted more, he was going to have to pay for it by his presence the next morning. 

He grinned at her and thrust his hips forward.  "Will I get bagels and scrambled eggs?" he asked.

"Eventually," she leered, reaching for his belt buckle.


******************************

Matt didn't get away from Janice's until after ten the next morning.  She had really given it her all the night before and he felt compelled to stay for breakfast.  He had to work with her, after all. 

He knew it wouldn't last.  He and Grace would get back together eventually.  He hoped it wouldn't be too awkward with Janice.  Oh well, if it did, he could just have her transferred to another department.  Give her a raise too.

He drove over to Grace's place and parked on the street in front of her building.  He walked down a side street to a bakery, from which he could see Grace's apartment.  From this angle, he could see if she was sitting at her computer.  She was.  He took out his cell phone.

******************************

"...a fucking Backstreet Boy?"

"What do you want, Matt?"  Grace's shoulders slumped.  She wasn't into this right now.

"What are you doing with this guy?  He's just a kid, for God's sake!"

"Matt, I am not 'with this guy'.  And his age is none of your damned business.  Nothing about me is your business anymore.  I..."  Grace's voice was drowned out by the siren of an ambulance speeding down the street.  She could hear the siren through the phone as well.  She swiveled around and looked out the window. She saw Matt leaning on the post outside the bakery, watching the ambulance go by.

Grace pushed the chair quickly away from the window.  Her heart was pounding.  What was he doing there?  Checking up on her, obviously.  She wondered why she was so unnerved...almost frightened.

"Grace, are you there?"  Matt could no longer see her in the window.

"No, Matt.  Not for you.  Stay out of my life."  Grace disconnected.  She was tempted to look out the window to see if he was still there, but she was afraid he might see her. She thought about phoning the security desk to warn them not to let him in, but it was a new guy on the morning shift and it would be hard to explain without sounding hysterical.  Gary would have understood, she knew, but he wasn't on until later.

******************************

Nick was on his way to the marina.  He had invited Kevin and Kristin, and of course, Theresa, out for a cruise.  Brian and Leighanne were joining them too.  Howie was busy and you couldn't get AJ on a boat for anything.  He meandered his way through the streets and he realized he was getting closer and closer to Grace's place.  He didn't know what to do.  Should he invite her along?  Kevin would freak, but maybe he'd get to know her faster.  Would it be fair to Theresa - making her the extra person - he knew she didn't like that.  His decision was made for him by the man getting into the black sports car outside Grace's place.  It was Matt.

Nick drove on to the marina and got the boat ready to go.  The others arrived and they set off.  They could all see that he was preoccupied with something other than just piloting the boat.  He was very quiet and had a faraway look in his eyes.  At one point, he handed the wheel over to Kevin and went forward to sit on the front deck.  Kevin and Brian looked at each other.  Kevin motioned forward with his head.  Brian nodded and made his way carefully up the side of the boat, holding tight to the railing.  Nick moved around a boat easily and gracefully, hardly ever having to touch a railing.  Brian did not have the same sea legs.  He was definitely a land-dweller.

"Hey, Frack!"  Brian sat down beside Nick.  Nick nodded at him but said nothing.  They sat in silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Brian spoke.  "Grace?"

Nick nodded again.  He pursed his lips and shook his head as if to clear it.  "I went by her place on the way here.  I don't know why.  I think I was half-thinking about asking her to come along today.  I saw Matt in front of her building."  He stood up from the deck chair and leaned on the railing, looking out to sea.

"The fiancé?" 

"Yeah."

"Are you sure it was him?" 

Nick nodded.  Brian thought for a moment or two and then said, "And you are immediately jumping to the conclusion that he spent the night?"

Nick looked at him.  What other conclusion could you come to? 

Brian sighed.  "Nick, the whole world doesn't keep hours like we do.  Some people have half a day's work accomplished by the time you roll out of bed.  How do you know he wasn't dropping something off?  Or maybe he tried to see her and she refused?"

"Well, he sure didn't look happy, I have to say that."

"And do you think if you had just spent the night with her, you would be looking unhappy?"

Nick put his hands to his temples and squeezed.  "Bri, I just don't know what to do.  I mean, I've only known her for a couple of days, but something just tells me...she's different, you know...from any of the girls I've been out with lately...she's not in the business, for one thing..."

"Or hoping to get into it..." added Brian ruefully.  That was the biggest disappointment they had had with women and they had all experienced it at least once.   At some point during a relationship, the girl would casually mention that she 'sang a little' or 'wrote songs' and did they know anyone who could help her get started? 

They felt the boat slow as Kevin throttled back the engines.  "Come on," said Brian, "Let's get some lunch.  Maybe you'll get some sort of sign - the celery sticks will spell out her name or something."

They laughed together and hugged.  "Thanks, Bri.  I know you only want what's good for me."

"So does he."  Brian nodded at Kevin.  They exchanged a smile.  Yeah, Nick knew that.  He knew that Kevin really did have his best interests at heart.  It was just that Kevin thought he knew better than Nick what those best interests were.

When they got to the back, the girls had set up a table and were putting out lunch.  Theresa got down out of the co-pilot's chair where she had been sitting.  Kevin called out to her.  "Hey, you forgot your hat."  He held up a straw sunhat that had fallen behind the chair.

"That's not mine," said Theresa.

Nick took the hat from Kevin.  He brushed his fingers over it lightly and looked at Brian.

"That's not a hat," said Brian.  "That's a sign."  Nick nodded and went below with the hat.

******************************


Grace didn't have a shower after all.  Seeing Matt outside the apartment had unnerved her and she felt too vulnerable to attempt it.  So she spread the towels on the bathroom floor again, wrapped the cast in plastic and did another drippy, messy sponge bath.  She usually washed her hair by using the telephone shower attachment and hanging her head into the tub.  But she couldn't be bothered today.  Altogether an enormous effort for very little purpose, she thought.  Who was going to see her? 

Okay, enough of that, she scolded herself.  You are not going to sit here and get maudlin.  Get your clothes on and get out of here.  She limped into the bedroom and was stopped by the view of herself in the mirror.  She was wrapped in a towel.  Her hair looked okay, she guessed.  It was her best feature, naturally wavy.  All she had to do was shake it and fluff it and it was ready.  But it didn't matter how you looked at it, she thought.  Crutches and a cast were not sexy.  She amused herself with a couple of poses.  Nope, no way.  Definitely not sexy.

Grace had gotten very good with the crutches.  Actually, she had gotten very good at not having to use them.  She had quickly found the focal point of the bedroom, the spot from which she could most easily reach the dresser and the closet.  She had placed a high-back chair there, so that she only had to use one hand to lean and she could hop and reach everything.  Getting dressed now took a fraction of the time it had the first day.  But it still took over an hour for the whole washing/dressing process.

Well, hooray for me, she thought.  It's noon and I've managed to get dressed.  She shook her head.  What's the matter with me today?  I got three hours of work done this morning.  So what if I was wearing PJs at the time! 

Grace decided that she had to get out of the apartment.  She was going to go for a walk.  That was it.  To the bookstore around the corner.  Not too far, wouldn't tire her out too much.  And unless she bought an encyclopedia, she should be able to get it home.  She laughed to herself.  Coming out of a bookstore with a small bag wasn't something she usually managed to do.

She sat down at the computer to finish one small area of the project.  When she sat back finally, satisfied that it was now perfect, she saw by the clock that two hours had gone by.  I'm in the Twilight Zone, she mused.  Time means nothing anymore.  She fixed herself a quick lunch and then gathered herself for the trip to the bookstore.  She thought about wearing a backpack, but that would be cumbersome in the heat and it made her vulnerable to pickpockets from behind.  Besides, she laughed to herself, that would just be daring herself to make large purchases at the store.  She settled for a waist pack for her wallet and keys.  On her way out, she chatted with Gary for a few minutes.  He was just starting his shift.  She told him she was on her way to the bookstore.  He laughed.  He had helped her up to her apartment with heavy bags before. 

"Sure you don't want to take a little wagon with you?" he asked with a grin.

"No, I'm going to be good today.  I have to," said Grace, waggling her crutches.

"Well, the store's not too far, and if you get carried away, just call.  I can leave the desk for a few minutes and run over and get them."

"Now, Gary, how is that encouraging me to exercise restraint?" she demanded with a twinkle in her eye.  He held open the door for her and watched her walk away.

Grace took her time, enjoying the neighborhood as she made her way to the store.  It was nice, she thought, that she was actually forced to go slowly.  She saw all kinds of things she had never noticed before.  Most of the shopkeepers waved and many came out to ask her about her leg and wish her well.  They all told her they would deliver anything she needed.  She loved this neighborhood.  She just hoped that it didn't become too popular and lose its charm to financial considerations.

By the time Grace got to the bookstore, Bailey's Books, she was exhausted.  She sat at the coffee bar in the window and enjoyed an iced coffee and a half hour of people watching before she turned to the store.  She loved this store.  It combined the amenities of the big stores - computer selection, coffee bar, sofas - with the charm and personal touch of a small store.  That was because Marian Bailey, the owner, did not need to make a profit from the store.  And in fact, didn't want to.  In some kind of bizarre divorce settlement, Marian had forced her husband to set her up in business in the store and pay alimony to a certain amount over her final profit margin.  He didn't realize how bitter she was about the blonde trophy-wife who had started out as his receptionist.  He thought Marian would make a go of the business and he'd be off the hook.  Marian deeply resented every dollar of profit that she made and her customers were the beneficiary of some lovely specials and treats, especially near her year-end.

Grace wandered through the stacks.  She loved books.  She was leafing through a travel book on France when suddenly she got a chill.  She had a feeling she was being watched.  She looked slowly around but could see no one.  She stepped away from the shelf and surveyed the store.  Marian was helping a customer at the cash desk and there were two women getting coffee from Tony, the young man who ran the coffee bar.  She saw no one else.  She put the book back on the shelf and moved on to the cookbooks.  She was a sucker for cookbooks.  She didn't cook all that much, but she loved to read cookbooks.  She was perusing a new book on salads, when the feeling came back, little fingers of ice creeping up her spine.  This is crazy, she thought.  Maybe I'd better forget the book and get back out into the sunshine.  She placed the book back on the shelf and turned to go. 

"Grace?"

Grace stifled the scream that rose in her throat.  Marian stood at the end of the row.  "Sorry to startle you.  I just wanted to show you a couple of computer books I got on spec.  Maybe you could tell me if they're any good."

Grace nodded, waiting for her heartbeat to return to normal before she spoke.  "Sure," she said in a voice that didn't sound like her own.  Marian looked at her oddly.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Grace nodded again and cleared her throat.  "Just frustrated with these," she said, lifting the crutches.  She followed Marian to the front desk and looked at the books with her.  She approved of one, said it would be good for people who weren't all that comfortable with computers.  She shook her head at the second one.  It dealt with a specific program for processing and enhancing digital photos.

"It's far too complicated for someone who doesn't know what they're doing and too wordy for someone who does.  The program itself is easy to follow.  This would just confuse people."

Marian thanked her and retrieved the book on France for her, which Grace had decided on after all. It was a small book of fold-out maps of Paris neighborhoods, with descriptions of the areas' attractions and restaurants.

Grace stepped out on the sidewalk and looked around.  She couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching her.  Oh, get over it, she chided herself.  You're on crutches.  Of course people are looking at you.  She turned for home.

She had only gone a couple of steps when she heard her name.

"Hi, Ms. Barrett.  Do you need any help?"  It was Petey.

"Hi, Petey.  Are you on your way to work?"

"Yes," Petey explained, taking the bag from her.  "But I've got time to take this home for you."

They walked along the street.  Grace asked him about his date the night before.

"What kind of movie did you see?" she asked.  "Because you know, that's a very important part of a date, especially in the beginning of a relationship."

Petey wasn't sure if she was making fun of him or not.  "There were six of us and no one could agree, so we ended up seeing Star Wars again."  He looked at her sideways, seeking her approval for the choice.

Grace shook her head ruefully.  "I guess that's okay in a group, but if you really want to impress a girl, take her to see a romantic comedy or a drama."

Petey raised his eyebrows.  "You're kidding, right?"

She laughed.  "No, I mean it.  You might not like the movie, but you will sure make points with the girl!"

She turned the corner and looked at the front of her building.  A blond head caught her eye.  Just opening his car door was Nick.

"Nick!" she yelled, without thinking.  A startled Petey stopped dead.  Grace began to hobble faster.  Nick tossed something into the car and started to get in.  "Nick!" she yelled again.

Nick stopped.  He was used to having people call his name and it didn't really register.  He was upset that Grace wasn't home and the doorman didn't know where she was.  Maybe that was a sign too, a sign in the opposite direction from the hat.  He got in and slammed the door.  He checked his rearview mirror and immediately jumped out of the car.  In two long strides, he reached her.

"Grace," he whispered. 

Grace looked up at him and smiled.  Nick took her face in his hands and kissed her gently.  Kevin would kill him for doing it in public, but Nick didn't care.  There wasn't anything he wanted to do in the world right now except kiss this girl.

Grace was glad she had crutches under her arms.  Her legs had turned to water.  His kiss thrilled her from head to toe.  When he stopped and leaned back, she smiled up at him and said, "Hi," very softly.  He smiled back.  They were lost in each other, smiling.

Petey stood on the sidewalk with the bag.  Gary watched from inside the lobby.  Neither of them was smiling. 

Sunday

The phone was on its fifth ring when she finally grabbed it.

"Shit.  Dammit.  Hello..."

"Well, it's different and it has a certain something, but I don't think it's going to replace 'Style and Grace'."  Nick laughed into the phone.

Grace laughed too.  "Sorry, I was in the shower.  I'm soaking wet and I'm dragging wet plastic bags all over the apartment."

Nick gulped.  Soaking wet meant naked.  He closed his eyes to picture it.  He heard rustling sounds.

"There," she said, "Bathrobe secure.  Plastic bags disposed of.  Not enough water to necessitate building an ark.  Cast seems solid.  Let me try this again.  Style and Grace.  Good morning."

They both laughed.  Nick told her that he had called to make sure she was awake.  He was going to pick her up at two.  Was that still okay?  She assured him that it was.  What should she wear?  Besides plaster.  Family barbecue, he said.  Shorts would be good.

"Yes, because I really want to get working on that one legged-tan," joked Grace.  They chatted for a few minutes and he rang off.


******************************


When Nick arrived to pick her up, she was already waiting in the lobby.  She had come down a few minutes early, because she was so nervous and anxious that she couldn't stand being in the same place any longer.  It was bloody hard to pace the floor with crutches, she had decided.

Gary had come on duty at 1:00 today.  He was not very friendly when he saw her step off the elevator.

"Ms. Barrett." He nodded politely.

"Hi, Gary.  You're working today?  I thought you had Sundays off."

Inwardly, Gary was thrilled that she had noticed what day he had off, but he was still upset.  The first thing he did whenever he came on a shift was to rewind all the security tapes and run them at fast forward to see what he had missed while he was gone.  Then he would update his notes.  He was not pleased to see that the blond airhead pop star had left the building this morning at nearly six o'clock.  Since Gary had been there when he had checked in, he knew it had been a long night.

"Just filling in for Jermaine.  His wife went into labor."

"Finally," Grace stated emphatically.  "That had to be the longest pregnancy on record."  The two of them laughed.  Jermaine had announced his wife's pregnancy practically from the moment of conception.  They had been given daily updates and shown pictures of sonograms. 

"Yeah," said Gary, "And if it's a girl, it'll kill him."  They laughed again.  Jermaine's determination that it was going to be a boy was incredible.

"Only until she's placed in his arms.  I understand babies have a miraculous effect on fathers."

I didn't have much of an effect on mine, he thought.  He opened his mouth to ask her about her father, when he heard the door open.

"Nick!" she whispered breathlessly and turned away from Gary, who realized he had suddenly become invisible to them both.  He glared at their backs as they made their way out the door.


******************************

The barbecue was hectic and fun.  People came and went.  Conversations were interrupted in mid-sentence as someone else came by or dragged the person away.  It was hard to keep everyone's name straight.  Since both Aaron and Nick were home, there were a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles thrown into the mix.  There was a strong family resemblance and none of them stayed in one place long enough to give Grace a chance to put name and face together.  Nick was assailed over and over by his siblings.  Come here.  Do this.  See this.  Throw the ball.  Catch the ball.  Even Aaron, the latest pop star sensation, vied for his share of Nick's attention.  Grace used the excuse of her broken ankle to sit back and let Nick go, roughhousing with his brothers and sisters and cousins.  He would pass by her chair occasionally to have a word or to touch her hand or her cheek. 

After awhile, a panting Aaron dropped into the chair beside her.  "Hey, Grace," he said.  "Welcome to the Carter madhouse.  Lucky for Nick you have that broken ankle.  Otherwise, you'd be free to run away."

"Why would I want to run away?  I think it's wonderful.  Did his other girls run away?"

"Couldn't say," said Aaron. "You're the first one he's brought home in a long time.  Watch out!"  He reached in front of her to catch an errant ball.

"Oh, for heaven's sakes, can't you see the poor girl is crippled?" said Nick's mom, Jane. 

Grace grimaced to herself.  It had been obvious from the moment they met, that Jane Carter did not like her.  Grace wasn't sure if it was her personally, her age, or whether Nick's mom disliked any girl that claimed his attention.  She was barely civil and made it obvious that she considered Grace an unwelcome intrusion on a family gathering.  Nick's dad, Bob, had tried to make up for it by being friendly, but this kindness only served to make Jane even frostier.  Grace was tempted to French kiss Aaron right in front of her to see is she could precipitate a coronary.

Grace did not usually have such uncharitable thoughts, but this woman was a piece of work.  She spent half the time refusing help from people and the other half complaining about all she had to do.  She had dismissed Grace's offer with a wave of her hand and a haughty, "What could you possibly do?  You can't even walk."

Grace was not sure if Nick had noticed his mother's attitude toward her.  He had been swept away so quickly after the introductions that she had barely seen him.  Bob settled her in a chair where she could watch the kids play.  He offered her a drink and she accepted some lemonade. 

"We have harder stuff for the grown-ups," he smiled.  She assured him that lemonade was her drink of choice. 

Nick’s dad returned with a tall, frosty glass of it and sat down beside her.  “How did you and Nick meet?” he inquired politely.  Grace almost asked him if he wanted to take notes.  She knew he had been sent out by Nick’s mom to get the information.

"Oh, she fell for me in a big way, didn't you Grace?"  Nick loomed up in front of them, a frisbee in one hand.  He was sweating and covered in grass stains.  Grace wanted to kiss him all over.  She blushed at the thought.  Nick thought she was embarrassed about the way they had met.  He explained it to his dad quickly - Grace fell down; I picked her up; we went to the hospital; there's the cast.  "Gotta go," he laughed, as two youngsters tried to tackle him from behind.  He walked away with the two hanging from him.

Bob Carter turned back to her.  Grace could see him mentally turn to the next page of questions.  "So, Grace, um...as a grownup..." he looked across at Nick.

"How much more grown up am I than he is?" she asked.

Bob laughed, "Oh considerably, I would say, and that's maturity, not age."

"Why don't I just give you the thumbnail biography and then you won't have to do this?" she offered.

He rolled his eyes.  He nodded with his head toward the house.

"I understand completely," she said.  "And she has every right to know about me.  Believe me, if we were in Ohio right now, my mom would have sent my dad out with an even longer list of questions for Mr. Nick."

"You're a sweet girl," said Bob.

"Here goes.  My name is Grace Barrett.  I am 24 years old, but not for much longer.  I come from White Oak, Ohio, which is a suburb of Cincinnati.  I am a website designer, by trade, and my hobbies are books, music and baseball."

"The Reds?"

"Absolutely!  I want to live through what my parents did in the seventies with The Big Red Machine."

"Johnny Bench," said Bob.

"Frank Robinson," added Grace.

"Joe Morgan," put in Bob.

"Pete Rose," they said together, and laughed.

"Should he be in the Hall of Fame?" asked Bob.

"Absolutely!  No question about it!" responded Grace.

"Well, I think I have all I need to know.  Enjoy yourself, Grace and welcome to my home."  He stood up and turned away.

"Thank you very much...and Mr. Carter?" 

He turned back.  "Yes, Grace?"

"I will never hurt your son." 

Bob Carter smiled and nodded.  He wanted to ruffle her hair, but he knew he was being watched and he really wasn't prepared to put himself through that!

******************************

"Well, did you find out about her?" Jane Carter asked her husband, as she tossed salad furiously in the kitchen.

"Yes, I found out all the important things," Bob responded.

"Oh good," said Jane.  "Tell me."

"She'll never hurt our son and she thinks Pete Rose belongs in the Hall of Fame."

"That's it.  That's all the important things?!"  Jane Carter was disgusted.  It was exactly the kind of thing Nick would do, she thought.

"It's good enough for me," he responded, "But I'm sure you also need to know that she is 24."  He turned and walked from the room.


******************************

When dinnertime came around, Grace could see the Carter family dynamic in all its glory.  As hard as Jane tried to make things difficult for her, the men of the family thwarted her every move.   Jane tried to serve Grace her dinner in a chair with no table beside it, so that she would have trouble managing plate, cutlery and drink.  Nick and Aaron picked up a patio table and moved it close to her.  They then both pulled up chairs beside it, saying they would eat there.  Bob Carter made a move to rise and was pulled back into his chair by his wife.

Jane tried to talk about family things that Grace would know nothing about.  She succeeded for the first three minutes, until she said, "Of course, we shouldn't be talking about family things in front of poor Grace.  She knows nothing about any of it."

"Grace is a website designer," put in Bob.  That was all it took.  All of the kids and most of the adults turned interested eyes on Grace.  Next to pop star, it was pretty much the coolest occupation there.  Jane stabbed a forkful of macaroni salad and remained silent for the rest of the meal.

When dinner was over, Jane stood up.  Grace stood up at the same time.  "Nick," she said with authority in her voice.  "Sit your mom back down.  'Cooks don't clean up.'  Leslie.  Angel.  Boys too.  Let's go." 

Within minutes, the patio had been cleared of all dishes and food.  Jane's efforts to protest had fallen on deaf ears.  Half the joy for the men had come from seeing Grace become a hit with the younger members of the family; but half of it came from watching Jane sit there and seethe, knowing that the enemy had just taken control of her kitchen.

When it was time to go, Grace discovered that the Carter family members were huggers. They lined up to say goodbye.  The younger ones said goodbye and a couple told her she was 'cool'.  Leslie said they should go shopping sometime.  Aaron told her to take care and that he hoped to see her again.  Bob told her that it was a pleasure meeting her and he really hoped to see her again.  Jane was last and she didn't hug her.  But she did shake her hand and thank her for the spotless kitchen.  Nick opened the door and as Grace went to go through it, she heard Nick's mom whisper under her breath, "Take care of my boy."

Grace looked back at her and nodded.  They went through the door and were halfway down the sidewalk when Nick's mom called him back.  Grace continued her slow path to the car.  Nick caught up with her and opened the car door.

"Well, you're certainly a hit," he said.  "My mom has never been so complimentary about anybody before."  He tucked her crutches in the back and closed her door.

"What did she say?" asked Grace, when he had gotten in the driver's side.

"She said you were 'okay'."  He said it with a perfectly straight face.  Grace nodded, equally serious.  He backed the car out of the driveway onto the street.  Then he put it in 'park' and leaned across to her.  "Yeah, you're okay!  It's a fact.  My mom says so."  And he kissed her.

Grace treasured each second that his lips were on hers.  When he pulled back finally, she whispered, "Well, if we want her to continue to think I'm okay, maybe we ought not to do this in front of the house."

"Good point," said Nick and he put the car in gear. 

Friday

"Hey Gracie-Facie," read the email.  It was from TFN, a computer friend from Kansas.  TFN stood for Totally Frickin' Nuts and he would happily tell that to anyone who asked.  He was actually a research analyst for some department of the government and led a fairly boring workday existence, although he let on to people that the government department was the FBI or the CIA.  He was married and had two small children.  He and Grace had met through an online conference on web design, her business and his hobby.

"So you've made the big time, I see.  Be careful, it's a scary world out there in entertainment.  And I see from the pictures that you are already wounded."  The email ended with a couple of website links.

Grace read the email twice before understanding it.  And it was only when she saw that one of the websites was called iluvnick.com that it sank in.  She paused with her hand over the mouse.  Did she really want to see this?

Grace and Nick had spent some part of every day together the past week.  Grace was beginning to get a taste of what his life was like.  They had gone to a movie.  They had gone shopping for clothes for him.  They had had two lunches and one dinner together.

There had been fans.  Of course, there had been fans.  Nick couldn't go anywhere without being recognized.  He was used to it and treated them well, signing things, posing for pictures with them and chatting.  The fans had been polite too, not intruding on them at lunch or when they were in the middle of something, but waiting patiently for them to exit a store or restaurant.  Grace had tried to stay back, offering to be the one to take the pictures for them, so they could be in it with Nick. 

Nick had taken her out on his boat twice.  Grace began to understand why he loved it.  It was so peaceful, just wide, empty ocean and clear, blue sky - no one demanding that he smile or sign an autograph or sing something - no one asking him awkward questions and then using his answers to try to prove he was stupid.

When they went out on Tuesday, it was a short jaunt, like the previous week, just a couple of hours.  But yesterday's trip had been longer.  Nick had picked her up in the morning and they had been out all day.  They had cruised for over two hours before finally stopping in a secluded bay.

"Oh, Nick.  This is so beautiful.  How did you ever find it?"  Grace was mesmerized by the beauty of the place - a small cove with a white sand beach, surrounded by trees and flowers growing wild.  At the back of the beach was a steep cliff.  The cove was totally isolated.  "It looks like a deserted island in a movie or something."

Nick was pleased at her reaction.  He had thought the same thing when he had discovered The Cove.  He always thought of it in capital letters.  It was one of his favorite places and he had never brought anyone here before.

"Yeah, I love it here.  I want to buy the land, but I can't figure out who owns it.  I haven't been able to find the place by land."

"Do you have the coordinates on a map?"  Grace asked.

Nick pulled out a chart from a shelf under the dashboard and opened it.  "We're right here," he said, pointing down at the map.

Grace looked down.  "Could I borrow this for a day or so?"  I might be able to find something out for you."

Nick nodded.  "That would be great.  And I won't be taking the boat out next week when I'm in New York."  He looked around, taking in the beauty and serenity of the place.  He sighed.  "It's just as beautiful under the water here, as it is above it."  He motioned to her cast.  "It's too bad you can't see it."

"But you can," insisted Grace.  "You don't have to sit here with me.  Jump in.  I'll sit here and enjoy the day."

Nick argued with her, but eventually gave in with a grin.  "Maybe a quick snorkel." 

He stood up and removed his shirt.  Grace looked at his tattoos.  She wanted to touch them.  He opened a compartment under the back seats and pulled out some fins and a mask.

"Is there anything I need to do?" Grace asked.  "I mean, safety-wise.  If you don't come up.  I mean..."

Nick smiled at her.  It pleased him that she was concerned for him.  He flopped over to her in his fins and took her face in his hands.

"If I don't come back up, I want this to be my last earthly memory."  He kissed her for a long time.  She ran her fingers across his chest and put her arms around him.  The feel of his hot, bare skin under her hands was very erotic and she caressed his back.  She could feel him begin to respond.

Nick broke away from her and grinned sheepishly.  He duckwalked to the side of the boat and jumped in.  Grace looked over the side and saw him treading water and smiling.  She tossed him the mask and snorkel and watched him glide through the water, tracing lazy patterns, like a fish.  She was afraid to take her eyes off him, but he knew what he was doing and didn't stray too far from the boat.

When he came out of the water, she handed him a towel.  He dried his hair and wrapped the towel around his waist.

"We're going to have lunch on the front deck," he said and put up a hand to forestall her protest.  "You can make it.  I'll help you."  She looked doubtfully at the thin railing and the narrow passageway.  He dropped the towel and said, "Come here." 

He lifted her up to the gunwale.  "Hold on to the rail along the cabin roof," he said, stepping up behind her.  He slid one arm around her waist and placed his other hand on the roof beside hers.  "We're going to do it like this," he said.  "I'm going to be your crutches.  You move along, using me to balance yourself.  I won't let you go.  Now, let go of the roof and just use me."

Grace took a deep breath.  What's the worst that could happen, she wondered.  We fall off the boat.  So what?  She figured he was strong enough to rescue her, cast and all.  She let go of the cabin roof and placed her forearms along his.  She moved sideways along the gunwale, doing a little hop-skip motion.  They reached the front of the boat and he lowered her to the deck beside a hatchcover.

"Be right back," said Nick, and disappeared up the boat.  She heard him moving around in the cabin.  Suddenly the hatchcover beside her popped open and his smiling face appeared.

"Hi again!" he said, and started handing things out to her.  Grace took the things from his hands - a small picnic basket which would later reveal sandwiches and fruit, a cloth bag containing towels and sunscreen and her sunhat.  He closed the hatchcover and a minute later was beside her again, carrying a small cooler, which he opened to show her bottled water and lemonade nestled among ice chips.  She accepted a bottle of water.  He took one for himself and closed the cooler, setting it aside.  He opened a locker and pulled out two mats, each about six feet by two feet.  He placed them side by side on the deck and covered them with towels.

"This will be softer," he said.  Grace used her hands and her good leg to drag herself to the mat.  Nick dropped down beside her.

"Are you hungry?  Do you want lunch?"

"Sure," she said, knowing that he would be hungry after his swim.  "But first, you need more sunscreen."

Nick nodded.  He spent enough time in the sun to know there was nothing macho about skin cancer. He took the bottle from the bag and slathered it on his chest and arms.  He put some in his palms and smeared it on his face and neck.  He finished with an extra dab on his nose.

"I'll do your back for you," offered Grace.  "Come sit here."  She moved her legs apart so he could sit between them.  She began to smooth the lotion over his back while he applied it to his legs.  Grace could not resist massaging the lotion in well, especially down at the waistband of his bathing suit.  Nick stopped what he was doing and enjoyed her touch.  His bathing suit was already drying out but it was still damp enough to be clingy and Nick knew it would not take much more to make him have an embarrassing reaction.

"Thanks, let's eat," he said moving forward from her.  He kept his back to her while he lifted the sandwiches from the basket and was finally able to turn to her.

They ate and drank and talked - about music they liked, about the movie they had seen, the latest adventure action flick.  Grace joked that Nick was obviously not trying to impress her anymore, as the film was far from romantic-comedy land.  Nick laughed and said he figured since it had Brad Pitt in it, that would fulfill the romantic requirements.  She said that the book was better than the movie. The book is always better, she said.  They talked about books for a bit, but Nick was not a reader and was way out of his league.  Nick was tidying up the lunch things when he noticed Grace yawn.

"The sun and the sea air got you again, didn't it?" he laughed.

Grace nodded.  "And the swaying of the boat is rocking me to sleep."

"I know," said Nick.  "I love spending the night aboard.  I sleep like a baby."

Grace started unbuttoning her blouse.  She opened it to reveal the top of a bathing suit.  "You can return the favor," she said, handing him the sunscreen and laying flat on her stomach.

"Be happy to," he said, "And when would you like me to wake you?"

She laughed.  "Nudge me to turn over every twenty minutes or so, so that I don't barbecue myself."

Nick spread the sunscreen on her back.  He rubbed it in slowly, massaging her gently.  He finished her back and looked down at her.  Her eyes were closed but he didn't know if she was asleep.  He poured lotion into his hand and began to rub it on her legs.  He started at the ankle of her good leg and worked his way up to her thigh, to the hem of her shorts.  Then he moved to her other leg and worked his way down to the cast.  He couldn't resist leaning down and kissing the back of her knee just above the cast.  The soft moan that came from her told him that she wasn't asleep, but had been enjoying what he was doing.

Nick lay down beside her, propping his head on one hand and using the other to trace lines down her arms and back.  Grace opened her eyes and gave him a lazy, sexy look.  She grinned and turned on her side facing him.  She reached up a hand to his face and pulled it down to hers.  She kissed him and ran her tongue along his lips.  Nick opened his mouth to her and they became part of each other.  Their tongues cavorted together, dancing and playful.

Nick's hand strayed to her breast.  He squeezed it gently and reached under her top to take her nipple between two fingers.  He rolled it back and forth and was pleased by her reaction.  She moaned deep in her throat and arched her back.  Then she moved her hand down his chest to do the same to him.

Nick released her mouth and lowered his lips to her throat.  He ran his tongue along her collarbone, causing her to gasp.  He pulled the strap of her bathing suit off her shoulder and nuzzled under the top.  He placed his mouth over her nipple and licked it roughly with his tongue.  Grace's head went back and her breathing became ragged.  She ran her hands down his chest to the waistband of his bathing suit.  Her fingernails danced across his stomach and this time the moan did not come from her.  She slid her hand down over his trunks and could feel the evidence of his arousal.  She rubbed her hand over him, feeling him harden further.

Nick's mouth movements became more active, licking and sucking her.  His hand trailed down her stomach to her shorts.  Then he lifted his hand and the next thing she felt was his fingers gliding up the inside of her leg.  She turned slightly toward him, but she was facing in the direction that made her have her cast on top and it was awkward.  When she moved toward him, the cast thumped down onto the deck.

He moved back from her and looked at her face.  "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head and whispered, "No," in a voice husky with desire.

Suddenly, another noise invaded their precious space.  It was an airplane passing far overhead, but it reminded them both that they were not really on a deserted island.  Grace pulled up the strap on her bathing suit and Nick rolled onto his stomach.  He propped himself up on his forearms and looked at her.

"When does that cast come off?" he asked.

"Two weeks at the earliest," she sighed.

"I'm counting the days," he said, leaning over to kiss her.

"Me too," she answered.  But she knew there were other issues that would have to be dealt with then.

******************************

Grace shook her head, bringing herself back to the present and her computer screen in front of her.  Apparently she hadn't been as successful at staying behind the camera as she thought...click!  She hit the mouse.  She was on some kind of message board.  There was a list of topics down one side with numbers beside them that said how many responses that topic had.  The hot topic seemed to be New Photos of Nick.  She clicked on that.  It had been started by frackbaby.  'Here are the latest pictures of Nick.  I took them outside the marina.  I'm in the third picture with him.  I nearly died when he put his arm around me.  His new girlfriend took the picture for me.'

Uh, oh, thought Grace.  She clicked open the pictures.  She remembered the girl.  She had been so thrilled to be in a picture with Nick, Grace thought she might faint or wet her pants.  But Grace wasn't in any of the pictures.  What was TFN talking about?

She scrolled through the messages and got a sinking feeling in her stomach.  Each poster had oohed and aahed over the pictures and then had either asked for information about the 'new girlfriend' or had provided some.

'Who is this new girl?  Does anyone know anything about her?' kidkaos
'She has a broken leg.  She was in a cast and had crutches.'  luvnick4ever
'He was out with her last week.  I saw them on his boat.'  nickysgirl
'She was at the Galleria with him.' nicksdreamgirl
'I saw them together at Montana's.' luvnfrack
'Here's a picture of her. She's not exactly his type.' dolphingirl

Grace clicked on the picture, wondering what they thought Nick's type was.  She saw a picture of herself balancing on her crutches and holding a camera.  It had obviously been snapped while she had been taking a picture of Nick and a fan.  She didn't think she looked that bad.  She knew she was no movie star, but...

The discussion on the message board then centered on the final comment - she's not exactly his type.  The posters started telling each other off about whether they should make judgments based on appearance and how maybe someone wouldn't consider them to be Nick's type either, but boy, they sure would like to be.

This went on for awhile, with other comments mixed in about 'let's get back on topic' and 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone, I was just saying...' and then a repetition of the offensive comment.  It got boring after awhile because they started copying previous messages into their post so they could respond to it.  Grace shook her head.  They couldn't remember what was said three lines earlier?

She left the board and clicked on the second link.  She looked at it for awhile.  She didn't know whether to be amused or afraid for her life.

The phone rang.  "Style and Grace.  Good afternoon."

“Hey, you.” It was Nick. 

Grace smiled.  She couldn’t help it.  She looked at the clock.  He was due in five minutes.  She hoped he wasn’t calling to cancel.  “What’s up?” she asked.

“The elevator,” he answered. 

Grace puzzled over this cryptic answer.  What was he talking about?  There was a knock at the door.  She made her way over and opened it.  Nick stood in the hallway with his phone in his hand and a wide grin on his face. 

“You idiot,” she said into her headset.

“What kind of talk is that?” said Nick into his phone.  Grace shook her head and reached down to her waist to turn off her phone.  “And now you’ve hung up on me,” he continued with a shocked look.  “I just don’t know what to say.”  Nick disconnected his phone and gave her a long look from head-to-toe.  “Gotta say, that headset gives you a really sexy look.  Like you’re getting ready to launch the space shuttle or something.  Come in, Discovery.  This is Houston.”

“You nut,” said Grace with a laugh and she turned back into the apartment.  When Nick had closed the door, she turned to him and asked seriously, “Who’s Willa?”

He looked at her oddly.  "Willa Ford.  She's a girl I used to date.  Why?"

"Because apparently I had better not be another her."  She motioned to the computer.  Nick walked over to it.  He sighed.  Here we go, he thought.

Nick explained the whole Willa fiasco.  The hate-filled websites and their public bickering.  "We were young and stupid.  We didn't realize..." he waved at the computer.  "We had no idea how huge it would get."

Grace nodded slowly.  She knew how these things happened.  She was no stranger to the Internet.  But could she deal with such public scrutiny?   She didn't know.

Grace moved to the kitchen area.  She opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.  She held it up and Nick nodded.  Grace tossed him the bottle and pulled a second one out for herself.

“Well, anyway,” she began, “it forced me to phone my mother and tell her about me and Matt.”  Grace grimaced at the memory of that conversation.

"You're just telling your parents now?"  Nick asked.

"Matt said that I shouldn't tell them yet."  Grace wasn't sure how deep she wanted to go into this conversational well.

"Why not?" Nick figured it was obvious, but wanted to hear her say it.

"I think he thought I'd go back to him..." 

Nick nodded.  That was what he expected.  But he was surprised by her next words.

"...that I wouldn't be able to survive without him."

Not survive without him?  Jeez, what an ego the guy had.  Nick couldn't believe it.  "Did you always do what Matt said?"

“Yeah, for awhile.”  Grace’s eyes went far away for a moment.  Then she gave her head a small shake and looked directly at Nick.  “But I think I was learning that I didn’t have to and that I didn’t want to.  That’s why I’ve had no second thoughts about it.”

"None at all?"  Nick thought that sounded a little strange.

"Well, I have had my mind occupied elsewhere," she grinned and then froze as a shadow crossed his face.  "What's wrong?  What did I say?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking about something Kevin said."

"Ah, the all-knowing one!  What did he say?"  Grace didn't think Nick realized it, but his conversations were peppered with 'Kevin says'.

Nick told her what Kevin had said about him being Rebound Guy and that he would lose either way.

"And what does Nick say?" asked Grace defensively.

"Nick says he wants to see where this goes because he's having a really good time with you.  Okay?  That's what Nick says.  What does Grace say?"

"Grace says she wishes you would stop saying 'Kevin says'."

"Well, I'll stop doing that if you stop saying 'Matt says'.

They glared at each other for a moment, both knowing that the other had a point.

"Are we about to have a fight?" asked Nick.

"I hope not," said Grace.

"Me too," he replied, "Because, frankly, I'd rather be kissing you."  He stepped toward her and leaned down to kiss her.

"Yes, much better idea!" she murmured and reached her arms around his neck.  He pulled her to her feet and kissed her for a long time.  Then he held her head against his chest and they swayed back and forth together.

"Let's go eat," he said.  "I called Antonio's for a reservation."

"Oh, I hate eating there," she pouted.  They laughed.  She added, "Who's on the desk downstairs?"

"Gary.  That's how I got to do my little phone surprise thing.  I explained it to him and he let me come up unannounced.  Why?"

Grace pointed at a gift-wrapped box on the counter.  Pink kittens and bears smiled back at Nick.

"Jermaine's wife had a baby girl last Sunday.  It's a present."

"A book, right?!" guessed Nick.

"Yes, of course," said Grace, "and a cute little outfit too."

When they stepped off the elevator, Grace stopped and said, "Oh!"

Nick looked up to see what Grace was looking at.  There was someone new behind the desk, a tall, well-muscled black man.

"Nick, would you mind terribly?" she looked up at him, "That's Jermaine."  She handed him her apartment keys.  "Could you go up and get the gift?"

"Sure," he laughed, "But I'm telling you, that's not the guy that was there before."  He stepped back onto the elevator.

Grace made her way to the desk.  "Congratulations, Jermaine," she called out. 

Jermaine looked up with a big, beaming smile that touched every part of his face.  He stood up and shook her outstretched hand.  "Thanks, Ms. Barrett."

"Do you have a picture of her?"

"I sure do," he grinned, and pulled open a drawer on the desk to reveal an envelope from Fotomart. He proudly laid three pictures on the counter.  Grace looked down at a tiny pink bundle with huge, dark eyes.

"She's beautiful," Grace whispered.  "What's her name?"

"She's named after her grandmothers - Latoya Henrietta Wilson," he finished proudly.

"Sounds like a good strong name to grow up with," Grace said.

"Thank you, Ms. Barrett.  And wasn't I just the worst kind of fool going on and on about wanting a boy?"  He looked down at the pictures and shook his head.  "Just the worst kind of fool."

A 'ding' signaled the arrival of the elevator.  Nick stepped off and came to the counter.  Grace introduced the two men and presented the gift.  She told him to take it home and open it with his wife and baby.

"That will be great," he said.  "I'm only here for a couple of hours.  Gary had something he needed to do and he was great about covering for me last week."  He gathered up the photos and replaced them carefully in the envelope.

Outside, Grace insisted they walk to the restaurant.  It's only a couple of blocks, she said, and it's a lovely evening.  Nick fed some coins into the parking meter and they walked slowly up the street.


******************************


"So, if you've told your parents, does that mean that Matt is definitely history?" asked Nick spooning up a large mouthful of spaghetti.

"Yep, uh huh," muttered Grace around a bite of garlic bread.  She didn't mind discussing Matt with Nick, but she wasn't ready to discuss other things.  Things he needed to know...or maybe he didn't, but maybe she needed to tell him.  Or maybe she didn't.

"Does he get that - that he is history?" Nick continued, after swallowing.

Grace shrugged.  "Hard to say.  He's used to getting his own way."

Nick looked at her thoughtfully.   "Do you think he'll give up?"

"Eventually," said Grace.  Then she smiled, "I'm sure he can do lots better than me."

Nick picked up her hand and squeezed it.  "Not in this lifetime," he replied.


******************************


After dinner, they walked slowly back.

"I can't wait until you don't have those crutches.  I really want to hold your hand," Nick sighed.

Grace smiled, "Me too!"

They passed Petey, coming up the sidewalk with the empty pizza bag in one hand.  He had car keys in the other and was heading for the distinctive red and green Volkswagen with Antonio's written on the side.  Inside were stacked several more pizza bags.  Petey nodded to them.  "Ms. Barrett, uh...Nick."

"Hey, Petey!" Nick nodded back, but Grace said nothing.  She was looking past him to where Matt Lowry was sitting on a bench outside her building, tossing his car keys from one hand to the other impatiently.  He stood up as he saw them approach.

"Evening, Grace!"  He looked Nick up and down and turned away from him dismissively. "I see you've still got your boy toy."

"Matt!"  Grace was outraged.  "How dare you?"

"I dare because I am tired of waiting for you to come to your senses.  You said you needed time and I've given it to you."

"I don't need any more time, Matt.  We're through.  I don't know how to make it clearer.  I told you the other day."

"Grace, you're not thinking straight."  A note of pleading crept into his voice.  "Who is going to take care of you, this...this kid?"  He flipped his hand in Nick's direction.

Nick's jaw was set so firmly that his lips were white.  His hands were clenched into fists.  Anyone who knew him well would have recognized the look in his eye as dangerous.

"I can take care of myself!" insisted Grace, starting past Matt toward the door.

"Oh, yeah?!  Well, what about...?" and he leaned down and whispered something in her ear.

Grace recoiled from him and her eyes filled with tears.  "Go away, Matt," she murmured.  "Leave me alone."

"You heard her," said Nick, "Go away and leave her alone."

Matt reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a card.  "Yeah, well when she flips out on you, give me a call."  He slapped the card against Nick's chest.

Nick's hands came up and he shoved Matt hard.  Then he braced his feet and raised his fists.

"No, Nick, don't," begged Grace, looking around for help.  She saw Gary inside, leaning against the desk, watching the scene unfold through the window.  He was smiling.  When he saw Grace looking at him, he changed his expression to one of concern and swung into action.  He came through the door, one hand on his hip, gripping his key ring as if it were a gun.  Nick and Matt were eying each other warily.  Both were looking to take out their frustrations on the other's face.

"All right, gentlemen.  Let's break this up.  You're upsetting the lady.  Mr. Lowry, please get in your car and go!"

Matt glared at Gary and then at Nick.  Then he looked at Grace, cowering by the door trembling.  "You know where to find me, Baby, when you're done with him."  And he turned on his heel and walked away.

Nick's fists slowly unclenched.  His jaw started to loosen.  He watched until he was sure Matt was not going to come back.  Then he turned to Grace.  Gary was holding her awkwardly, trying to hug her around the crutches.

"It's okay, Grace.  He went away.  It's okay," Gary said soothingly.

Grace looked past Gary.  "Nick," she whispered.  Gary immediately let her go.  He turned around and leveled his gaze at Nick.

"I'm not so sure brawling on a public sidewalk would do much for your image, sir," he said sternly, and the word 'sir' dripped with sarcasm.

"Omigod," said Grace, looking frantically up and down the street.  She could see no one.

"You're right.  I'm sorry.  Thanks for stepping in, man."  Nick was calmer now.  "Come on, Grace, let's get you upstairs to a chair."

He moved past Gary and held the door open.  Gary watched them until they were on the elevator.  Then he turned back and picked Matt's business card up off the sidewalk.  He looked at it and tucked it into his shirt pocket.

Nick and Grace were silent until they reached the door of her apartment.  When she put the key in the lock and turned it, she realized the door was already unlocked.  Nick must not have locked it when he got the gift, she thought.

"Grace," Nick began, helping her through the doorway.  "I'm sorry...I just...I couldn't stand to see him treat you that way...I have a bad temper...I know that...I..."

"Hush," she whispered and stilled his words by placing her mouth on his.  They kissed gently and sweetly.  They both seemed to realize that it was not a moment of passion.

Grace backed away from him.  “I’m okay.  Really, I am.” 

Nick recognized this as his cue to leave.  He kissed her again and headed for the door.

"Hey, Nick," she said with a grin.  He stopped and looked back at her.

"What would Kevin say about this?"  She laughed and after a moment, he did too.  But going down in the elevator, he thought that it was no laughing matter.  What would Kevin say?  If Nick had been photographed fighting in public, or God forbid, arrested again?  Kevin's words would peel the paint from the walls.  He stopped in the lobby to thank Gary again for stepping in, but he didn't see him around.  He went out to the street to get in his car and stopped cold.  Running along the side of his Cherokee was a long scratch.  Someone had dragged a key from one end to the other.  Nick looked around and saw no one.  His anger resurfaced as he climbed into the car and the tires squealed as he pulled away from the curb.

Upstairs, Grace turned to her apartment.  Something was different.  She could feel it.  She looked carefully around, but could see nothing out of place.  Still, she couldn't shake the feeling that everything was not the way it was supposed to be.

"Style and Grace, good afternoon."

"Hey there!  Are you working?  Am I interrupting you?"

"It's okay," said Grace hitting Save and then swiveling her chair away from the computer.  "I'll make up for it next week when my main distraction is out of town.  How's the packing coming?"

Nick, AJ and Howie were headed to New York to do a promotional thing for DLF, Howie's charity.  Grace planned to atone for lazy days spent cruising the ocean by concentrating on her work fulltime.

"Um...are you busy tonight?" asked Nick tentatively.  "I wondered if you would go to dinner with me."

Grace looked at her watch.  It was already three o'clock.  "Is this your way of putting off packing?" she chided gently.

"No...um, it's just that..." and he proceeded to explain what had just happened.

"Meet Kevin?  Jeez, I don't know, Nick.  My armor's at the cleaner's."  She laughed, but she was suddenly very nervous.

“Please,” pleaded Nick.  “Brian will look bad if we don’t.  And he was trying to do a good thing.”

“Okay,” conceded Grace with a sigh, but she didn’t see how any successful evening could be built on such a web of lies.


******************************

"Kevin Scott Richardson, you will behave yourself this evening.  Do you hear me?"

"Now Kris, when am I not the soul of gentility and Southern courtesy?"

"When you are raking one of Nick's girls over the coals, that's when!" she shot back.  "And you aren't going to do that tonight."

"Yes, dear," he grinned, advancing toward her.  "Whatever you say, dear."  He slipped his arms around her and kissed her.  "Will I get a reward later if I'm a good little boy?" he asked, a mischievous grin lighting his face.

Kristin gave him a sexy look.  "If you're a good little boy at dinner, you can be a bad little boy later."

Kevin laughed.  "Deal!" he stated emphatically.  "I'll behave."

Kristin sobered.  "Seriously, Baby, Leighanne says that Nick really likes this girl.  And the whole broken leg thing is kind of good, because it's giving them time to, you know, get to know each other without sex getting in the way."

"I wouldn't let a little thing like a broken leg get in my way of having sex with you," laughed Kevin, running his fingers down the side of her face.

"Down, boy!" she laughed.  "Come on, let's go!"

******************************

Nick and Brian had been wrong about how much Kristin would tell Kevin.  Leighanne and Kristin had lots of things they kept from their husbands.  When Brian told Leighanne what he had done, she gave him hell and told him she’d do the best she could.  She immediately called Kristin.  They talked it over and decided it had to be quick and simple – steaks, baked potatoes, salad.  Kris would order a dessert from her favorite bakery and have it delivered.  Leighanne would hit the market for some easy appetizers – pate, crackers, cheese.  Done!  Now what about this girl?   

Leighanne told her everything Brian had told her so far, which was everything Brian knew.  He discussed everything with his wife.

"It sounds like he's really interested in her," said Kris.  Kevin had said very little to her on the subject, other than the first day when he told her how they met and his doubts about it lasting, especially with the ex-fiancé so recently departed from the scene.

"Yeah, Brian thinks this could really be something but then again, you know Brian.  He is so desperate for Nick to find someone, he likes them all.  Not that there have been that many that have lasted into the second week."

Kristin laughed.  "Yeah, and people don't believe it, but he's had some long dry spells.  If Nick was getting it as much as the fans thought he was, his thing would have worn right off by now."

The two women laughed together and made a pact that they would decide as quickly as they could whether or not they liked Grace.  If they did, they would do their best to spare her the Kevin inquisition.  If they didn't care for her, they'd turn him loose.

******************************

"Where's your car?"  Grace asked Nick, as he was handing her into a hired car.

"I might feel like drinking tonight," he answered.  He didn't want to tell her about the scratches on the car.

"Is it going to be that bad?" she asked, a worried frown settling on her face.

"No, it's going to be great.  You're great.  I know they'll like you."

"Stay with me!" she commanded, squeezing his hand.

"It will be my pleasure," he said, picking up her hand and kissing it.  They held hands in silence for the rest of the trip.

"We won't be too late," Nick said to the driver when they arrived.  "Pick us up about ten, if you don't hear from me earlier."  The driver nodded and handed over his card.  Grace hoped he wouldn't be hearing from them in the next ten minutes.  She looked at her watch.  It was only six o'clock - four hours to go!

Brian answered the door and ushered them in.  "We're out back on the patio," he said.  Grace got a glimpse into some rooms as she made her way slowly behind him.  She was willing to bet he hadn't had any say in the decorating decisions.  Every room she saw was totally feminine - overstuffed and frilly.  Leighanne would hate my place, she thought, all spare and angular.

"Kev and Kris are already here," Brian said over his shoulder, causing Grace's stomach to turn over. She felt Nick's hand on her shoulder and she stopped.  She turned toward him.

"Good luck," he whispered and kissed her.  She made a face at him and stepped outside, trying to take in the scene.  The patio was lovely - lots of potted plants and flowering bushes.  There was a small pond with a fountain burbling water into it.  Off to one side was a rectangular table with a green glass top.  A green and blue mesh umbrella poked up from the middle of the table and provided shade.  Seated in high-back lawnchairs covered in the same fabric as the umbrella were two blonde women.  Grace wasn't sure she could tell them apart.

"They're here," Brian called out and the little troop started making its way toward the table.  Leighanne met them halfway and Nick made the introductions.  Then he turned to Kristin and did it again.

"And I'm Kevin," said a deep voice behind her.  Grace turned her head and looked into the most gorgeous face she had ever seen.

Wow! she thought.  His pictures, stunning though they were, did not do him justice in person.  Especially his eyes.  She realized that she was staring.  "Grace Barrett," she stammered, trying to hold out her hand.  But he was behind her and the crutches made it awkward and her hand was left flailing in mid-air.  Great start, she thought.

Kevin reached around her and took her hand.  He shook it firmly, "Pleased to meet you, Grace."  He looked at Nick.  "Finally." 

Nick narrowed his eyes.  Don't start, he warned Kevin silently.

Leighanne ushered Grace to a chair.  Would she prefer a lounger, what with her leg and all?  Brian, bring over that lounge chair.  Grace’s protests that she was fine were overridden by Leighanne’s fussing.  Finally, Grace was ensconced on a lounge chair.  Nick pulled up a chair close to her, so that she wouldn’t be isolated from the group at the table.  Kevin picked up his chair and set it down on the other side of her.

Suddenly, Grace realized that she wasn’t the only one who was nervous.  Kristin was biting her bottom lip and darting glances at Kevin.  Brian bustled around taking drink orders.  Leighanne trailed after him.  Nick shifted back and forth in his chair.  All this nervousness had the strange effect of calming Grace down.  Maybe, I just don’t appreciate the gravity of the situation, she mused.

She took a deep breath and turned to Kevin.  “So, would you like to see my driver’s license to begin with?”  She heard the sharp intake of breath from Nick and Kristin.  Brian and Leighanne froze where they were.

Kevin looked her over from head to toe.  He saw that she had no purse with her.  "Yes, please," he answered and a lop-sided grin crept across his face.

"Tough," she shot back.  Their eyes locked together.  His broke away first, as he threw his head back and laughed.

"So where are those drinks, Bri?" he asked the host.  The tableau unfroze as people started moving and breathing again.  Nick and Kristin exchanged a glance.  Score one for Grace, he thought.  It's early in the game yet, she thought.

Things moved along smoothly.  Drinks and appetizers were served.  Grace's request for a soft drink was acceded to with only a slight raising of eyebrows.  Conversation centered on Nick's trip to New York and then Leighanne's new movie.  Grace was quiet, content to listen, but answering easily any comment directed her way.  The subject of her profession eventually came up.

"Grace doesn't like our official site," Nick stated.

"Really?" asked Kevin, turning toward her.  "Why not?"

Grace didn't detect any challenge in his tone and answered the question honestly and in detail. 

Kevin listened intently, nodding once or twice and asking a couple of questions.  “You really know your business,” he said, when she was finished.  “I’ve never liked that website and you just explained to me why.”

"Okay, guys, hit the grill."  Leighanne appeared in the doorway with a platter full of meat.  The three men rose and headed to a large barbecue at the other end of the patio.

The women sat and made jokes about men barbecuing in packs.  Leighanne cleared the appetizers and went back inside to get dishes and cutlery.  Kristin and Grace sat in silence for a few moments.  Kristin was pleased that Grace could do that.  Some people couldn't do silence - they had to fill the air with talking.

"You're doing fine," she said after a minute.  Grace looked at her and grinned.  "He just really wants the best for Nick," Kristin continued.

"Who wouldn't?" said Grace, looking over to the little huddle by the grill.  The look she bestowed on the tall blond touched Kristin's heart and when Leighanne reappeared carrying plates and salad, Kristen stood up to help her.

"It's all good," she whispered in Leighanne's ear.  Leighanne nodded slightly.  She thought so too.

******************************

Conversation lagged over dinner, as people were busy enjoying the food.  After dinner, Leighanne announced that it was getting too buggy for her outside and dessert would be served in the family room.  She declined offers of help from both Kristin and Grace, insisting there wasn't much to tidy up and she'd get to it later.

"Better be careful," said Nick and described Grace's marshalling of the troops at his parents' place the previous Sunday.

They all looked at Grace, who shrugged.  They were impressed.  Anyone who could bring Jane Carter to heel was all right with them.

They enjoyed dessert - a strawberries and cream cake concoction that looked like it might sit heavy on an already full stomach, but which was surprisingly light.  Grace exclaimed over it.

"Yes, it is good.  Kristin orders it so often, the bakery is thinking of renaming it after her."  Kevin looked lovingly at his wife.

"You should tell Antonio about it," said Nick to Grace and they were off on a discussion of their favorite restaurants.

Coffee and more drinks were served.  People moved about the room.  Grace was stuck in an overstuffed chair.  She had to sit, as she couldn't manage crutches and coffee at the same time.  The others made sure that she wasn't left on her own and they kept a wary eye on Kevin.  Nick flitted around her until Leighanne finally told him to stop hovering and help her carry the coffee things out.

Grace was desperate to get out of the chair and move, but she knew there was no way to do it gracefully.  Kevin read her mind.  He held out his hands to her and hauled her to her feet in one elegant motion.  "Even I have trouble getting out of that chair," he said, "and I have much longer legs than you."  He smiled down at her.

"And both of yours are working!"  Grace added.

"What's the first thing you're going to do when the cast comes off?" asked Kristin.

"Have a bath," answered Grace without hesitation.  "I want to soak in the tub - all of me."  She laughed, "I want to be wet."

"You're just like Nick," said Kevin, "a couple of water babies."

Grace looked over to where Nick and Leighanne were coming back into the room.  Kevin followed her glance and then looked at Kristin.  He smiled at her and nodded.  Yes, it was all good.

Tuesday

“Style and Grace.”

“Hey there!” 

Grace’s heart leapt at the sound of his voice.  “Hey there, yourself!  How’s the Big Apple?”

“It’s pretty big.  It’s an amazing city.  Have you ever been here?”

“No, I was going to go for a weekend last year with my sister, but Matt said he thought it would be too dangerous.”

“It’s not that dangerous if you’re careful,” Nick answered.  Jeez, this Matt guy was something else.  What a control freak!

“Said the man with the big, hulking bodyguard,” laughed Grace.  “Of course, an anonymous computer geek probably wouldn’t be besieged by screaming fans.  How are the fans?”  Grace  clipped the phone to her belt and grabbed her crutches.  She made her way to an armchair and sat in it sideways, making herself comfortable for a long chat.

In New York, Nick sat on his bed, leaning back against a pile of pillows, his long legs spread out in front of him.  Nick loved talking to Grace.  He felt like he could talk about anything with her.  She made him feel at ease with conversation – something he had never been able to do before.

Nick had never been taught to talk with people.  Long conversations were something he had never encountered.  He had lived in a world of sound bytes and Q & A sessions.  He sat at a long table with his brothers and prayed he wouldn’t say anything stupid. 

It was hard to come up with an original, interesting answer when four other people had just answered the same question and it was the same question they had been asked the day before and the day before that.  And they had learned early on that you had to say something different each time.  Brian had used the exact same answer to a question twice in two days and people leapt on it, saying they were scripted and unoriginal, just like their music.  

Nick thought it was ironic how quickly they had gone from being discounted as a manufactured pale imitation of New Kids on the Block to being written off as has-beens with the advent of similar groups, such as NSYNC.  Even the fleeting blaze of glory that was Millennium had been buffeted by criticism and cries of ‘lucky break’.  It didn’t seem to matter how many a cappella performances they gave at press conferences, the media was determined not to like them or acknowledge their talent.

And they zeroed in on Howie and Nick as the weak links in extemporaneous speech.

Kevin took the lead in interviews, answering slowly and thoughtfully.  AJ didn't care how he sounded.  The more outrageous the better, he figured.  Brian was always sincere and, when in doubt, thanked the Good Lord or the fans or both.  That didn't leave much for the other two. 

Howie always answered earnestly, but his words didn't come out right all the time.  Howie never realized this as he was speaking.  In his mind, the words were fine.  It was only later that people would tell him what he'd said.  He would shrug it off and laugh.  So what? he would say. 

Fine for him, thought Nick, but not so easy for me.  Everyone knew that Howie mixed up his words but they called it 'cute' and 'endearing'.  They saved descriptions of 'stupid' and 'dumb' for Nick.

Nick realized when he had said something wrong the moment it was out of his mouth.  His famous "I resign here" comment, when he was asked what he thought of Florida, had never been forgotten.  His own personal memorable humiliation had occurred when a British interviewer had asked the nervous youngster if he had any tattoos and did they effect his sex life.  "I'm only 15," he had answered honestly.  "I don't have tattoos or a sex life."  The fan mail from that one had amused and titillated Denise McLean, their publicist at the time, for months.

Each of them had a public persona they could do little about.  Brian was the down home country boy with a sincere faith in God and an undying devotion to his Lord, his wife and his country.  Oddly enough, this was almost exactly the truth. 

Kevin had fought hard against the Backstreet Boy definition of himself.  He had established his JWR environmental foundation and spoken out numerous times as a serious political lobbyist on behalf of environmental causes.  It was an uphill battle but one he was determined to win.  Nick thought it would probably be easier for Kevin to be taken seriously, if he wasn't so damn handsome.  It didn't matter how often he spoke out before Congress or at environmental summits, it was what he did with his hair that generated the most talk on the fan sites.

AJ had thought he was the smartest of them all.  By choosing the 'wild child' image, he could do and say almost anything with impunity - the more tattoos, the wilder the hair color, the more they loved him.  It had almost killed him, of course, when he had started believing his own hype and living out his wild fantasies.

And Howie.  Dear sweet Howie.  Sweet D.  That was pretty much all you needed to say, thought Nick.  The man did not have a mean bone in his body.  He saw the best in everyone and just wanted the whole world to be happy.  Howie was the epitome of pouring oil on troubled waters.  You couldn't be mad at him.  He always meant well. 

Nick wondered how he did it.  Nick couldn't manage it.  He always seemed to be mad at someone - often himself.  He tried to keep his anger under control, but inwardly, he raged at the destruction of his youth, the lost opportunities to learn something, to be of use.  He hated being the youngest, bristled whenever anyone but Howie or AJ called him 'Nicky'.  He wanted to be treated like a grownup, even though he wasn't really sure he was one.

Grace treated him like a grownup.  She asked his opinions on a wide range of topics from politics to the weather.  Sometimes, he had to admit that he didn't really know much about it, and she would quickly fill him in, not in a condescending manner, but in a way that said she understood that his career didn't include opportunities to scan the latest headlines every five minutes as hers did.  Nick didn't like to read, but he had begun reading the newspaper every morning.  AJ had been all set to tease him about it the first morning in New York, but a shake of the head from Howie had warned him off.

******************************

Friday

Nick had called Grace every night from New York.  He loved the time difference.  It meant that he could get her before he went out in the evening or even after he came home.  Two o'clock in the morning was only 11:00 in California and she would still be up, sometimes still at her computer.

Tonight he was calling her at 1:00 New York time.  They had finished the charity gig and had returned to the hotel to change.  They were going clubbing on their last night in town.  Sarah had not come to New York with AJ.  Wedding plans, he had explained, rolling his eyes.  He was looking to cut loose a little.  Nick said he was going to call Grace.  Give me five minutes, he said.  You mean, give you an hour, said Howie.  He hadn't met Grace yet, but he liked the change he saw in Nick since he had met her.  Less angry, less...Howie didn't really know how to say it...less looking to hurt someone.

Nick could hear Grace moving around her apartment.  He pictured her wearing her headset, the phone hitched to her waistband.  He didn't know why that image turned him on, but it did.  He swung his legs up onto the bed and leaned back against the headboard.

"Tell me what you're doing right now," he said.

"Actually, I was just about to go to bed," she said.  "I'm tired.  It was a long day."

"Are you wearing the headset?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied.  She knew he liked her in that for some reason.

"Where are you in the apartment?" he asked.

"I'm in the bedroom," she answered.  There was a pause as they both digested that sentence.  Actually, she was in the big room, but as hastily and silently as she could, she turned off lights and made her way to the bedroom.

"What are you wearing?" he asked with a catch in his voice.

"Khaki shorts and a cotton blouse," she responded.

"Put the phone on the nightstand," he ordered, "and take off your shorts."  They both paused and considered the game they were about to play.  He waited with bated breath, hoping he hadn't gone too far.

"Okay, they're off," she whispered.

"Describe your underwear," he said.

Grace looked down at her plain cotton briefs.  "They're nylon," she breathed, "Flesh colored bikinis with lace over the...middle area."  She made a mental note to buy some like that.

Nick leaned his head back and closed his eyes.  "Take off your blouse," he ordered.  His hand wandered downward and adjusted his pants to make room for his growing erection.

"Okay," she whispered.  "I did."

"Describe your bra," he demanded huskily.

“I’m not wearing one,” answered Grace, quietly removing her plain cotton bra and tossing it behind her.  Nick’s sharp intake of breath made her smile.  She pulled back the covers on the bed and crawled onto it, placing the crutches on the floor as silently as she could.

“Now I’m laying on the bed,” she said, taking the lead in the game.  “How do you want me to be?”  He moaned into the phone.  She smiled and leaned her head back.  She had never done anything like this before.  It was very liberating.

“Put two fingers in your mouth,” he whispered.  Grace complied, sucking on them gently. 

"Now move them down to your throat." 

She did.

"Those are my lips," he said.  The feeling that swept over her was overwhelming and she felt it in every nerve ending.

"Now move them downward," he breathed, "to your breast, to your nipple...my lips..."  She did what he said, a tiny whimper escaping her throat and racing through space to New York, where it made an erection grow larger and begin to throb.

"Now the other one," he panted, his voice thick with desire.

"Mmmm..." was all he heard, but he could picture her manipulating herself, her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted.

"Nick, I want you here," she breathed so softly that he barely heard her.

"I know.  I wish I was there too.  I wish those really were my lips moving down your stomach, kissing your sweet skin, putting my tongue in your navel."  He heard the groan and knew that her fingers were tracing the pattern he described.

"I'm running my tongue along...awww fuck!"  They both snapped back to reality with the pounding on Nick's hotel room door.

"Come on, Frack, we want to go!"  AJ called out petulantly.

"In a minute," Nick yelled back and then spoke into the phone.  "Sorry 'bout that.  We're uh...going out...they're waiting."

"Mmmm..." said Grace, clearing her throat and trying to sound normal.  "You go on and have a good time.  But, um, Nick, I remember something you said to me the first night we met."

"Yeah, what's that?" he asked.

"You said you give good phone.  And you were right.  You really do."

"I'll be home tomorrow," he said.

"I'll be here," she answered.  "'Night."

They disconnected and he went to the hotel room door.

"Holy crap, Nick.  Are you planning on taking that with you?"  AJ pointed at the bulge in Nick's pants.

"Aw, Grace and I were just messing around a little on the phone."

"Well, do you want five minutes to get rid of it? 'Cause if you do, hurry up.  We're ready to roll."

"Nah," said Nick, with a secretive little smile.  "I think I'll keep it awhile.  Let's go.  Where's D?"

"Waiting by the elevator," said AJ, following Nick up the hall.  He shook his head.  This girl must really be something.  Popular notion had it that being a Backstreet Boy meant getting laid all the time.  And in AJ's case, it had been true.  Before he met Sarah, he had slept with lots of girls, at least one after every concert.  He would point out the one he wanted and his security guy, Jonas, would arrange to have her taken to Jonas' room.  Jonas couldn't count the number of times he had slept in AJ's room because AJ was banging away at some broad in his.

But Nick...never on the road.  Nick was too scared of the media.  The frenzy surrounding Willa had frightened him and made him distrustful of girls who said they wanted him.  One-night-stands weren't his thing anyway.  On the road, he'd curl up with his video games. No video game ever asked him to help it get into show business.  No video game ever generated a website full of hatred. No video game ever offered him a blow job in exchange for an autograph.

******************************

Grace leaned her head back against the pillows and replayed the conversation in her mind.  Phone sex!  Who would ever have thought it would be such a turn-on!  She slipped her fingers under the waistband of her panties and searched out her center.  She was already wet and she stuck two fingers into herself for lubrication.  She pushed her panties down and spread her legs.  She massaged herself gently, then faster and harder, as she pictured Nick's mouth over hers, over her breasts, her stomach, her...

She came with a bucking of her hips and a guttural sound of pleasure.  "Nick," she whispered, "Oh, Nick." as she arched her back and her head slammed back against the pillows.

A few minutes later, her breathing returned to normal.  The visions of Nick stopped flashing before her eyes.  She removed her hand from her crotch and pulled up her panties.  She got off the bed and headed for the bathroom, grabbing her nightie on the way and cursing the crutches.  She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror.  Passion still glazed her eyes and her cheeks were red.  She ran the hot water and washed herself all over as best she could.  She knew her knees were too weak to manage a shower at this point.

Saturday

Grace slept late the next morning and woke up with a smile on her face.  Nick was coming home today!  She tried to sort out her feelings for him.  He was sweet and charming, not the big egotistical pop star, but just a kind-hearted...she stopped herself from saying 'kid'.  She knew that Nick was in awe of her job and her lifestyle. He thought she was so much in control of her life.  She shook her head at that.  And just because she liked to read, he thought she knew everything.  She shook her head at that too.

Grace crawled out of bed and made her way to the kitchen.  She looked around the big room at the five vases of flowers that were sitting there.  Matt had sent her one every day this week with a note of apology for his behavior last Friday.  He had called four times and left voice mail messages ranging from flat apology to pleading to barely-contained anger.  She had not had to speak to him. 

She had also not told Nick about the flowers and she wasn't sure she had made the right decision there.  She didn't want to bother him with something like that while he was on the other side of the country, but he might not see it that way.  He might think she was hiding something from him, that she was still involved with Matt. 

Matt had enlisted her parents on his side and that had been three painful moments of the past week. She had patiently explained to her mother, then her father, and then her mother again, that she did not want to marry Matt, that she was not in love with Matt, and that she was not even sure she liked him very much any more.  In answer to the question, are you in love with this other guy, this...Backstreet Boy, she said nothing.  Because she didn't know what to say.  Was she in love with Nick?  She didn't know what love was.  She knew that now.  Maybe she could find out with Nick.  Maybe not.

Grace got dressed and made coffee.  She made her way over to the computer and powered it up. She set herself to her first task - checking her email.  This used to be one of her favorite parts of the day - but no longer.  Not since she had been publicly identified as 'Nick's girl'.  Her email address had been published on a number of message boards along with details about her business and a listing of the websites she had designed.  She had gotten some compliments about her work from it, but that didn't begin to compensate for the hundreds of emails she received from Nick's fans.  Most were friendly, wishing her good luck, telling her to take care of him, oh, they wished it could be them.  But a few had a more belligerent tone - you're not good enough for him, why don't you find someone your own age? you had better not hurt him.  And there were a couple that she had saved in a special file - nasty, threatening missives calling both her character and her ancestry into question.

She had not replied to any of them and she had not told Nick about them.

After finishing with the email, she planned her next campaign.  Throwing out five vases of flowers when you are on crutches is a big production.  And she still had two to go when the phone sounded. It was Jermaine, announcing Nick's arrival.  Shit, she thought.  What time did his flight leave New York?

Nick had come straight to Grace's from the airport.  He left his bags with Jermaine and hurried to the elevator.  Jermaine smiled as he watched Nick punch the button four times impatiently within a space of ten seconds.

Nick knocked on the door.  He heard Grace yell, "It's open."  He pushed the door open. 

"Grace, how many times have I told you to lock this door when you're in here alone?"  he scolded.   He stopped when he saw her by the counter.  A warm feeling spread through him.  "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she whispered and felt her stomach flip flop as he swept her into his arms and kissed her.  When he set her back down, several minutes later, she said, "But not when you nag me, Mr. Bossy Boots.  The door was open because I was taking stuff to the garbage chute."

"Okay, okay," he laughed.  "I'm just saying...wow, where did you get those?"  He pointed at the two floral arrangements sitting behind her on the counter.

"Oh, Matt wanted to apologize for his behavior last weekend," she waved her hand through the air as if the flowers meant nothing.

Nick felt bad that he hadn't thought to send her flowers from New York.  He changed his guilt into anger as he so often did.  "And how many times did he apologize?" he asked with an edge to his voice.

"Five," said Grace airily.  She shrugged. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"  Nick was still upset, although Grace didn't seem to be.

"Because I was afraid you would react just the way you are doing right now.  And I wouldn't be in New York and be able to calm you down.  Like this..."  She slipped her arms around him and hugged him, running her fingers over his back and kissing his shirtfront.  Nick allowed her to do that for a moment, and then he set her away.

"And because they mean nothing to me, Nick.  He can send me flowers every day.  It means nothing to me.  He can call and leave messages and have my parents phone and beg on his behalf, it means nothing."

"And did he do all that too?"  Nick really wanted to hurt this guy.

"Yes, he did, but I haven't spoken to him and I don't intend to." 

Nick let it go for the moment, but he wanted to discuss it further.  He felt that he didn't understand a relationship that Matt couldn't let go of, and that Grace had tossed off so easily.

"How come he only sent five?" he asked, tilting his head to one side.

"What?" asked Grace.  Now he didn't think there were enough flowers!?

"Well, his boorish behavior was last Friday and that was seven days ago.  How come he only sent five arrangements?"

Grace laughed.  "Because he has his secretary send them.  And she only works Monday to Friday.  You see, Nick, he didn't make any effort himself, just said to Janice, send flowers to Grace."

Nick nodded.  Good point, he thought, but he made a mental note to send Grace flowers at the first special occasion he could think of.

"Anyway, I'm back.  I brought you a present."

"Yes, you did, but could I have another one please?" she said, referring to his kiss.  She tilted her face up to him and he obliged to the extent that she felt she was having an out-of-body experience.

“I have something for you too,” whispered Grace, breathlessly.  “It’s sort of a present.  Maybe.”

"What is it?" he grinned.  He loved surprises as long as they weren't named Matt.

"You have to drive me somewhere first," she said.

"Okay, let's do this"  Nick suggested that they take a cab to his place, dump his bags and get his car.  Then he would drive her wherever she wanted to go.  He didn't want to let her out of his sight.  She acquiesced happily.  She didn't want to let him go either.

She grabbed her stuff and hobbled to the door.  As they were locking the door, Nick pointed back at the flowers.  Don't throw them away yet, he said.  They are pretty.


******************************


During the ride to Nick's house, they held hands and whispered how much they missed each other.  They were too smart to display any public passion in the cab, but were barely inside the door of Nick's apartment when they started in again.  "When does that cast come off?" he demanded.

"I go in on Monday for an x-ray.  It could be then or I could have to wait.  The doctor says he thinks one more week at least."

"Grrrrr," growled Nick.  Grace laughed and rumpled his hair.  Nick announced that he wanted to take a quick shower.  He took Grace out onto the balcony of his condo, which had a magnificent view of the ocean.  She leaned on the railing and breathed in the air.  Nick's apartment was a reflection of the man.  There was barely any furniture in the living room, where a long leather sofa faced a large TV.  It was attached to a sophisticated video game set-up with speakers.  There was a DVD player and VCR also rigged to it.  It was the focus of the living room.  There was a fireplace that had never been used, and along the mantel was a series of Oriental jade figures.  The only painting that had been hung on the wall also had an Oriental theme.  Several other paintings were leaning up against another wall, waiting to be hung.  They had been there since Nick moved in, over a year ago.  A couple of side tables held souvenirs from his travels and gifts from fans.

The housekeeper had been in while Nick was in New York, but if she hadn't been, Grace would have seen stuff everywhere.  Clothes, scuba gear, CDs.  When Nick finished with something, he dropped it wherever he happened to be.  His occasional clothes shopping forays were usually due to the fact that he didn't have anything clean left hanging up.  He loved being on tour.  There were people there to take care of stuff like that for him.

The kitchen cupboards were full of dishes that had been provided by his Mom, but he hardly used any of them, other than glasses.  The bedroom had a king-sized bed. Nick slept in it corner to corner when he was alone.  He rarely had a girl spend the night with him.  He much preferred going to her place.  It was easier to get rid of her.  He could just get up and go.  And she wouldn't have his address.  Grace didn't know it but she was the first girl in several months to see the inside of his place.

Nick finished with his shower and they headed off up the coast.  In answer to Grace’s question, he said that he had eaten on the plane and wasn’t hungry.  They could stop for something to eat whenever she wanted.  They chatted easily about lots of things, but Grace turned aside every effort Nick made to find out what she was up to. 

Eventually, she said, pull in here.  Nick stopped at the side of the road.  He looked around.  There was a deserted fruit stand by the road and a ramshackle cabin further up a rutted dirt lane. Why were they here, he wondered.  He got out and came around to help Grace get out of the car.

"What is this place?" he asked. 

"It's your dream house, if you want it to be," she replied.  He looked at her questioningly.

Grace pointed at the highway and explained.  "That is the Pacific Coast highway.  Along this stretch of it, there is only a narrow portion between the highway and the ocean.  And that land all belongs to the government.  It is high cliffs and they don't want anybody trying to build on it."

"The Cove!" he said.

"Yes," she said.  "The Cove is right down there.  But you can't buy the land.  You can, however, buy this land."  Grace pointed at the shack.

"And why would I want to do that?" asked Nick.  "So that I could be right here beside the spot I wanted to be, but couldn't be?"  He shook his head.  That didn't sound right, but she knew what he meant.

“So that you could have access to that.” Grace pointed across the road again.  Then she explained.  An old law said that even though the government owned the land, they had to allow access to the ocean to the landowners on the other side of the road.  So the person who owned the fruit stand was the only one who could have access to the ocean from the beach in The Cove.

"But you can't get to The Cove from up here," said Nick.

Exactly, she said.  So there would never be any trespassers.  And access to the ocean from the beach was no different than access to the beach from the ocean. 

"So if I buy the land this shack is on, I'm buying exclusive rights to The Cove."

She nodded.  "And would you like to know how much that will cost you?  I made inquiries, not in your name, of course."  She quoted him a figure that was so low it was laughable.

"You're kidding," he said.

"Nope.  Don't you see, Nick, the very reasons that you want this place are the reasons that nobody else does.  It's deserted.  No one stops here.  They go through here on their way to someplace else."

Nick picked her up in his arms and twirled her around.  "You're wonderful.  I love you for this."  Grace's brain froze solid at his words.  She didn't think he was even aware of what he had said and she decided to ignore it. 

"My pleasure," she whispered as he set her on the ground.  He kissed her and then threw his head back and shouted for joy. 

"The Cove.  I'm going to get The Cove."  He looked at the little shack.  "It's weird.  I'm going to buy a piece of land that I never want to see, because any time I'm in this area, I want to be down there." 

Grace fished the realtor's card out of her waist pack and handed it to him.  "Welcome home."

"This is the best present.  And now you get yours."

"Oh, good.  More kissing," she said.

Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out a little box.  Inside was a small gold chain.  It was beautiful.  Nick shifted from one foot to the other.  He wasn't good at this stuff.

"It's an ankle bracelet.  For your ankle."  Jeez, ya think?!  "It's for when you get your cast off.  So you'll always remember me.  How we met."

"It's beautiful," she said.  "You're beautiful.  Let's go back, so you can buy your property.

On the way back, she fingered the bracelet as he drove.  "You know," she said.  "Maybe I need to get a bunch of these for remembering other things."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I keep forgetting where I've put things.  I guess I just concentrated so hard on work this week that I lost track of things, but stuff keeps turning up missing and then when I find it, it's not where I thought it would be."

"Maybe it's old age," he joked.  He was more comfortable with their age difference than he had been.

"Listen up, sonny," she said in an old lady voice, "I can still run rings around you, you young whippersnapper.  Well, maybe not..." eying her cast, "but I can still out...out..." she searched for something she could outdo him in.   "...outread you," she settled on.  "My God, I am old."

"Grace, I have to know more about Matt." 

They had returned to the city and were sitting in Nick's living room playing video games.  She set the controller down.  She nodded.  It was a huge shadow looming over their relationship.  She had to reduce the shadow with words.

"Matt and I are from the same town, White Oak, Ohio.  It's near Cincinnati.  He's five years older than me and we actually first met when he dated my older sister, Julie.  They didn't hit it off, though."

Let's hear it for Julie, thought Nick.

"A few years later," continued Grace, "I came home from university.  I'd had a bad experience and I dropped out early in my junior year.  I was at home and my Mom knew Matt's mom and he just started dropping by.  He was working, all finished with school..."

Nick nodded.  He didn't like all this talk of college and university.  It reminded him that all he had was a high school diploma that wasn't worth the paper it was written on.  Grace hauled herself to her feet and made her way to the fireplace, where she made a study of the Oriental figurines there.  Nick waited patiently.

"It didn't even seem like dating at first...just watching TV or going for walks.  And then simple things like bowling or a movie.  At some point, it just kinda changed  from friendship into..."  She paused and a puzzled expression came across her face.

"...love?" asked Nick.

"Yes, I guess so," she muttered absently.  But her mind was far away.  She picked up one of the figurines and studied it.  "He was good to me."

"When did you get engaged?" Nick prodded gently.

"Well, we had this big fight..." she began.

Nick laughed.  "Is that how engagements usually begin?"

Grace laughed too.  "No, I don't think so.  We had been dating for awhile...nearly two years...I had done some college courses online and was getting my diploma in website design.  I wanted to move out here.  There are a number of good companies in the area.  Matt didn't want me to go.  Neither did my parents.  They were on his side.  They didn't think I could survive on my own.  So Matt asked me to marry him so he could keep me in Ohio."

"But you're not in Ohio, and neither is he."

"No, because I said I wouldn't marry him.  He wanted to keep me safe, but I wanted to fly a little, try life on my own, not just move from my parents' home to his.  I needed a little 'me' time."

"I bet he didn't take that well," Nick guessed.  He had seen Matt being rejected and it wasn't a pretty sight.

"No, he didn't.  And my mother..."  Grace rolled her eyes at the memory of her mother, standing at the kitchen sink, sobbing and saying, 'Why?  Why?' over and over.

"So, we compromised..."

Compromised.  Odd word to use for an engagement, thought Nick.

"I was allowed to move out here for a year to see if I could make it on my own.  Then at the end of the year...well, they never really got that far in their planning.  I'm sure they thought I'd be scurrying back home long before that."

"'They' being Matt and your parents?"

Grace nodded.  "Mostly my Mom."

"And did you make it?  On your own?"

"I never really got the chance to find out.  When Matt saw that I wasn't going to cave in to him this time, he arranged a transfer with his company and he came too.  He didn't tell me about it until the last moment.  And I just let him come.  I was used to him making the decisions."

"I don't get it, Grace.  You seem so independent and so in control.  I mean, you run your own business...why did they think you were so helpless?"

Grace closed her eyes and looked at the floor.  Then she took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders.  She looked at his face.  The depth of pain he saw in her eyes almost made him gasp out loud.  He set down the game controller and rose to his feet.

"Because for awhile, I was helpless.  I had a...when I came home from...after the..."  She searched for the right words.  What were the right words to tell someone you were crazy?  "I had a breakdown.  I withdrew from the world...stayed in my room...just surfed the Net and listened to music...lots of yours, by the way..."  She grinned feebly.

Nick was trying to process the information.  He was trying to match this picture of Grace as a helpless, broken individual with the person running her own company and living out her dream by the ocean.

"What happened?" he asked.  He wasn't sure he had the right to know.  He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he had to ask.

Grace hesitated.  These were hard words to say out loud.  She was afraid of his reaction, afraid he would be repulsed, or worse, pitying.  She knew the relationship could go no further unless she spoke now.  But she could not meet his eyes.  She looked at the floor.

"I was raped." 

"Noooooooo..."  An anguished cry came from Nick as his heart broke for her.  He didn't know what to do.  He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, but he wasn't sure she would want to be touched.  On the other hand, he didn't want her to think he was rejecting her.  Man, he wished the other guys were here to tell him what to do?  What would Train say?  Hold her.  He heard Kevin's voice as clearly as if he were standing next to him.  He mentally asked the others and their voices came back.  Hold her.  Hold her.  Brian.  Howie.  Now, you big dummy.  AJ.

Nick walked over to her.  He lifted her chin with one finger.  She looked up at him, searching for his reaction, fearing rejection, praying for understanding, dreading pity.

She saw confusion.  He didn't know what to do.  Well, that makes two of us, she thought and was warmed by the fact that he didn't have a ready answer to something she had been struggling with for years.  She reached up and touched the hand that was touching her face.

"Oh, Grace.  I don't know what to say.  I don't know how to make this better."  Nick slipped his arms around her and held her gently.  Grace leaned her head against his chest.  His arms tightened and he kissed the top of her head.  Then he mentally slapped himself.  Comfort her, you ass, don't come on to her.

Grace let him hold her for awhile, wishing it could be forever.  Then she moved back.

"It's not up to you to make it better.  Oh, God!  That doesn't sound right.  I mean...you can't make it better.  No, that sounds worse."  She tried to gather her thoughts and make a coherent sentence.  "It's over.  It was a long time ago.  It doesn't have anything to do with us..."  She looked at him, searching his face.  "At least, I hope it doesn't."

Nick pulled her to him.  "Someone hurt you," he whispered, "and that hurts me."

Relief washed through her.

******************************

Nick picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the couch.  He sat down and placed her so that she lay sideways in his arms. 

"Tell me if you want to," he said.  "If you can."

Grace blessed him silently for having placed her in his arms in such a way that she could meet his eyes or not, as she needed, without feeling evasive.  Haltingly, she told him the story.

The story of how she was in her third year of university.  How she was dating a fraternity boy, a Big Man on Campus who had suddenly seemed interested in her.  The Head of Rushing at the Kappa Alpha Fraternity House.  How he had invited her to the Fraternity Initiation Party where all the veterans made fun of the pledges and had them do stupid things.  How he had told her that the punch was non-alcoholic.  How that had turned out to be a lie - the punch was, in fact, the infamous Purple Jesus, grape juice laced with club soda for sparkle and straight alcool - 100% alcohol - for the 'punch'.

Grace had a couple of glasses, out of boredom really.  Nothing much seemed to be happening.  She and the other girls stood around the big frat house living room waiting for the music to start, maybe some dancing.  The frat boys ran around, giggling, conspiring against the pledges.  The girls were disgusted, but secretly pleased that they had been chosen to be a part of it. Grace talked them into starting the music themselves.  They gathered around the stereo, but when Grace tried to pick out a CD, she realized she had trouble seeing the cover.  Everything was suddenly all whirly.  She shook her head to clear it, but that just made her dizzy.

"Hey, Babe," came a voice behind her.  It was Mike, her date.  "Are you okay?"  She turned toward the sound of his voice and stumbled.  He grabbed her before she fell.  "Whoa, there!"

"I'm feeling dizzy and fuzzy," she said, and started to laugh.  "Are you sure there was nothing in that punch?"

"Oh, God, don't tell me you had the punch!" he responded.  "I told you - don't go near the purple punch.  It's for the pledges."

Grace knew that this was not the truth, but she couldn't seem to put together the words to argue with him.

“Come with me,” he said.  “You need to sleep this off.”  Mike led her from the room, explaining loudly to the other frat boys that ‘Grace was a little bombed and needed a nap’.  He helped her up the stairs to his room.  They stopped at the bathroom long enough for her to throw up and then he laid her down on his bed.  “You’ll be fine, baby,” he assured her.  “Just go to sleep.”

And so she had.  But she had been awakened by voices in the room.  Arguing. 

"Grace," said a voice in her ear.  "Are you a virgin?"

She wasn't really sure where she was or who was talking to her.  Her head was whirling and it took all her concentration not to throw up again.   "Yes," she whispered feebly, not knowing who she was talking to or why they were asking this question.

One of the pledges had not been able to fulfill one of his challenges.  To have sex with a virgin.  He had been trying all term, he said, and he had made it with several girls, but they all turned out not to be virgins.  It wasn't his fault, he argued.  He had done his best.  They just weren't making virgins like they used to.  He was there with his sponsor, Jim, to put it before the Head of Rushing.

"Grace, can you help Dan out?" said a voice that she thought was Mike's but she wasn't sure.

"Mmmhh?" she asked.  What was the question?

"She said 'yes'," said Mike.  "Got a condom with you?"

Dan nodded and patted his pants pocket.  Dan and Jim looked at him.  Was he sure? This was his girl.  What was he doing?

"You're right.  There just aren't that many virgins out there any more."  He jerked his thumb at Grace.   "I cultivated her for just this purpose," he said.  "Take her."

And he reached over and pulled up her skirt.

******************************

Grace couldn't remember much of the first rape.  She vaguely recalled someone tugging at her clothes and pulling her legs apart.  She remembered pain and a sense of being smothered, but that was all. 

The second rape was a little more vivid.  She had been coming back to herself, the effects of the alcohol wearing off.  Probably throwing up had helped with this.  The second rapist was Jim, the advisor to the pledge.  Watching Dan pound away at Grace had aroused him.  His hand had wandered down to his crotch.  This amused Mike, who pulled open the drawer of his nightstand and fished out a condom.  He tossed it to Jim and said, "Go for it."  Jim had not really wanted to be a rapist, but he did want to have sex, so he had pulled her shirt up and pulled down her bra.  He had manhandled her breasts for a few moments and then he pushed himself into her and satisfied himself.  Grace still had not been able to move physically, to protest or push him away, but she knew what was happening to her.  She had whispered, "Don't, please don't." over and over but it had no effect.

The third rape was the one that broke her spirit.  It was Mike.  After the others left, he carefully removed all of her clothing and while he was doing so, he explained to her in gentle, soothing words that this was all her fault, that she was a drunken whore, that he was the Dean's nephew, that many people had seen her drunk, but that no one had seen either Jim or the pledge with her.  Your word against ours, baby.  Now wake up and make my day.  He slapped her hard and she came up fighting.  But that was what he was waiting for.  He was already inside her and the harder she fought, the harder he laughed and the more he enjoyed it.  He came inside her, leaning his head back and yelling in satisfaction.  When he was done, he threw her clothes at her and told her to get out.  But I'll keep these, he said, holding up her bra and panties.  Just in case you decide to do a Debbie Whittaker.

The tears fell from Nick's eyes.  Silent, pain-filled drops.  He didn't know what to say.  He couldn't imagine the pain, the humiliation.  He was afraid to touch her.  Afraid she might think he was one of them.  But his arms closed around her.  He had to keep her safe.  That was all he knew.   All the plan he could come up with right now.  He had to keep her safe.

Grace leaned back in his arms.  She felt his anguish and his strength and his comfort.  But there was so much more.  How could she ever make him understand?

Grace had stumbled home from the fraternity house.  She had gone into her dorm room and collapsed on the bed.  She was shaking so hard she could barely breathe.  She looked at the empty bed on the other side of the room.  Thank God Tracy had gone home for the weekend.

Grace dragged herself into the shower.  Her legs were shaking so badly she couldn't stand, so she sat in the tub and let the hot water rain down on her.  She rubbed herself hard all over with soap, but she couldn't get clean.  She felt dirty and used.  She finally dragged herself to her bed, after checking the lock on her door three times and placing a chair under the handle.  She cried herself to sleep, curled up in a fetal position, hugging herself.

She slept for most of the next day.  She was afraid to get out of bed.  Her head ached and her body hurt.  Finally, she knew she had to get up.  Her roommate would be home and wondering why she was in bed.  She dragged herself out and stood in the shower again.  Then she walked over to the dining hall.  She felt like every person that passed her was staring at her - that they could tell what had happened to her.

She got a tray full of food and sat down at one of the tables.   The conversation at the table died.  She looked up and saw a group of girls who had been at the party the night before.  She read their faces and did not see sympathy or concern, but rather disgust.  She looked at them inquiringly.  What was happening?

"Jesus, Grace, don't you have any respect for yourself?" asked one.  Grace looked at her.  What was she talking about?

"I sure hope you made them all wear condoms."  All?  Made them?  Grace was confused.

"Oh, don't try and look so innocent, Miss I'll-be-a-virgin-til-I'm-married," added another.  "It's all over campus that you did almost the entire KAP House last night."

"No," Grace whispered.  "No, I didn't.  They..."

"It better not have been my boyfriend," said a third.  Grace looked up into the face of Jim's girlfriend.  Her eyes gave it away before she had a chance to recover.

"Oh, my God, Grace.  How could you be such a whore?"

Grace discovered that the frat boys had done their work.  While she had been sleeping, they had been spreading the word that she had spread her legs for anyone who had a condom.  They were launching a pre-emptive strike, just in case she decided to do a Debbie Whittaker.

******************************

"Who's Debbie Whittaker?"  Nick asked softly.

Grace looked up at him.  The pain in her eyes cut through to his soul.  "She was this girl.  She was date-raped the first year I was there.  It wasn't the same guys.  She went to the Dean.  He didn't want to hear about it, didn't want the bad publicity for the school. So she went to the police.  They arrested the guy.  It split the campus.  Half the people blamed her, said she had led him on and what was she doing in his room, and she was wearing sexy clothes, just asking for it.  The other half said that the guys had been getting away with this for too long and 'no' meant 'no'.   Everybody tried to make her into a symbol for their cause.  She lost her identity totally.  She was just the 'rape girl'.  And the guy and his friends churned out so many lies in the form of gossip and rumors that people started doubting her and she became the 'vindictive girl'.  She dropped the charges and left school.  She went home and locked herself in her parents' garage and turned on the car."

Nick's arms tightened around Grace.  She had left school too.  She had gone home to her parents.  Oh, please God, don't let her have tried to...

"I left.  I didn't even try very hard to stay.  I didn't have the courage.  I just ran away.  I went home and told my parents that I was dropping out, that my courses didn't interest me and that I wouldn't go back.  I didn't tell Mom and Dad what happened.  My dad would have killed them.  If he could have beat my mother to it.  They knew it was something more than what I was telling them.  They figured some guy had broken my heart, but they couldn't get me to talk.  Literally.  I wouldn't speak. I spent all day in my room, sleeping, listening to music.  Or I'd go for walks, four or five hours long.  They were so afraid for me."  Her voice broke on these words and it was a couple of minutes before she could continue.

"One day, my mom ran into Matt's mom at the supermarket.  Mrs. Lowry said that she had heard I was home from school and my mom lost it a little.  She said how worried she was and Matt's mom suggested that maybe Matt could come over and visit and maybe that would help.  They meant well..."  Her voice trailed off.  She was silent for a few minutes.

Nick was not going to be the one to break the silence, even if he had to sit here for a week.  Eventually, Grace began again, her voice small and tremulous.

"Matt came over one day.  My Mom made me come out of my room - said I had a visitor.  They didn't have to worry about me being presentable.  I took three or four showers a day."  She looked up at him, anguish written in her eyes.  "But I couldn't get clean."  Nick nodded slightly in understanding and she continued.

She told him how, at first, Matt would just sit there with her, talking, letting her be silent.  He would talk about people they knew, how his workday had gone, news stories of the day.  Eventually, she began to answer him, short one-word answers.

"It took weeks for him to get me to do that.  He had incredible patience.  I can't believe he stayed."

But he had stayed.  He had gone with her on her long walks, soothing her with an endless stream of words.  He took her to movies and let her sit in silence watching the screen.  They went bowling and she threw the balls down the alley without a word.

"He figured out what happened to me.  He didn't know the details but he could see my reactions when he mentioned certain news stories.  And we went to a movie where there was a trailer for a new movie and it showed a woman being assaulted.  I got up and went to the ladies room and threw up."

Matt decided that it was time for Grace to deal with it and stop hiding from life.  It was over a year since she had come home from school.  She was beginning to come out of her shell, thanks to him, but she still spent all day cooped up in her room with her computer.  He saw her after work and on weekends, but she still had those long hours in which to brood. 

"We went for a drive.  He took me out in the country.  We climbed a hill and he pointed at the surrounding countryside.  It was really quite pretty.  And then he said to me..."  Grace's voice broke and she paused again.  Her face was pinched and white.  Nick was feeling out of his element.  He wanted to be here for her, but maybe this would be better handled by a professional.  He sure wasn’t going to stop her now, though, and ask her if she wanted a shrink.

Grace took two deep breaths and then continued.  "He told me that we were the only ones there.  No one but him was there to hear.  And he wanted me to say the words out loud.  He wanted me to say what had happened to me.  I shook my head.  I said, No, over and over again.  Finally, he grabbed me by the arms and shook me.  He held my face in his hands and he told me that if I didn't do what he said he was going to tell my parents."  Grace started shaking.  Nick tightened his arms around her and rocked her. 

Grace's voice was cracking and she was gulping great lungfuls of air.  She had to get through this, she knew.  Nick couldn't believe that she wasn't crying.  But her body was shaking so much, he was afraid she might go into convulsions.

"So I did.  I looked at him and I said, 'I was raped' and he said, 'Say it again' and he made me say it over and over and he made me shout it.  He said we were the only ones on the hill and no one would hear me, and he made me shout it over and over again until I was hoarse."

And when she was done and could say it no more, Matt had held her in his arms and said, "There.  Now that's over.  Now you can get better."

Nick thought that was a little cold, but he hadn't been there.  Maybe it was the right thing to do.  Tough love, or whatever they called it.

So that was it, Grace said.  From then on, she and Matt were together.  They dated for another year. She did her college courses online and got really good at web design.  Matt hated it.  For him, it was a symbol of her seclusion, her illness, her weakness.  Then she told him she was moving out to California.  She was feeling much stronger, better about herself.  She knew she had him to thank for that, but she wanted to try life on her own.  He argued with her  she wasn't ready, she would fail, she needed him - and finally, he told her parents.

"What?" Nick was aghast.

"No, he didn't tell them what happened to me.  But he told them that I wasn't as strong as I thought and I shouldn't be going away and blah, blah, blah.  He enlisted my mother on his side, and believe me, Joan Barrett is a formidable weapon, especially when she thinks she is protecting her baby.  Between them they wore me down for six months."

"So first he made you strong and then he tried to make you weak again," muttered Nick.  Grace nodded.  "How did you convince them?" he asked.

"Daddy," she said, and her voice broke.  "I think he knew.  I think he figured it out too, what had happened to me.  He always called me his Baby Bird.  And he could see how important it was to me and he finally put his foot down and said that a Baby Bird had to leave the nest sometime.  And I had his permission and blessing to go to California."  Grace was crumbling.  She was stammering so badly, she could hardly get the words out.  Tears streamed down Nick's face.  He had a feeling that he was hearing his own parents described.  He understood completely.

When next Grace spoke, her voice was cold.  "And there you have it, the sad tale of Grace Barrett.  But Matt won after all.  He said that he wanted me to marry me, that he would allow me to have this little 'fling' of independence, as he called it.  He insisted that we get engaged, and I just gave in like I was used to doing.  That sounds so awful and it wasn't like that.  I did believe I loved him.  I believed he had saved me and I was grateful.  I thought that was love.  And I believed that once he saw that I could survive on my own, he would be happy for me.  For us.  But he never gave me a chance to prove it to him.  To prove it to myself."

Grace became silent.  Nick held her in his arms.  The light faded and they sat in the dark.  Finally, he lifted her off him.  He stood up and picked her up in his arms.  He carried her into his bedroom and laid her on the bed.  He lay down behind her and held her.  They lay like spoons, fully dressed.  They fell asleep together without a word.