Alone 

I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight,oh
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone

Nick’s blue eyes lit up when he saw his visitor waiting backstage. He nearly knocked Brian over, running forward with tunnel vision and outstretched arms.

She smirked with her hands on her hips as if she expected this reaction from anyone. Her shining lips quickly broke their silence when she was lifted off the floor by a man 6 inches taller than she was. “Put me down!” She laughed, smacking her hand against his ass when threw her over his shoulder.

“Not a chance in hell..”

“This is exactly why I don’t visit you more often. You know I get motion sickness.”

“Well then maybe you can’t handle a ride on Nick Carter.”

“Oh you’re full of it.”

“Like you’re about to be.” Nick flipped her off of his shoulder and onto the couch in his dressing room, quickly closing the door behind him.

Sara grinned and propped herself up on her elbows, watching him fumble with the lock. She hadn’t known that he would make the new level to their friendship so obvious. She and Nick had been friends for around 8 years. He had met her in a studio in Nashville and, while they never hooked up, something had made them become close friends. However, that’s all they had been up until about 3 months ago. It had been a night he had off from tour and her heart was freshly broken. Neither of them had realized what they had done until they woke up in each other’s arms.

And neither of them would admit how good it felt.

So here it was, 3 months later and they were still close. Just close friends with benefits. They had made it clear to each other that there was nothing more to this than sexual attraction. They were both to stubborn to admit it was a lie.

Nick turned back to her, a slow grin creeping across his face as he crawled over the arm of the couch and hovered over her, kissing down her neck. His already heated body lowered down to press into hers, his gentle hands sliding under her shirt. “Missed you so much…”

“Mhm…” She murmured against his lips, her nails scratching up and down his back until they caught the hem of his wife beater, pulling it over his head.

“Mmm, now someone’s a bit overdressed, aren’t they?” The blonde pulled back and cocked an eyebrow, letting his fingertips play with the bottom of her tank top before copying her actions. He straddled her, sitting back and taking her in. She was only half undressed and damn, she was still beautiful. He quickly leaned back down and began placing soft kisses on her collarbone.

“Ugh, you always smell after concerts.” Sara crinkled her nose, running her fingers through his hair.

“You always smell after sex.”

“Not bad like you do.”

“You shouldn’t have been the first thing I seen when I came offstage.” Nick now had them both undressed and preparing for his entrance.

“Yeah, you’re always so hard from the 10 and 12 year olds,” She moaned as he thrust in, “That you were so ready for this.”

“Mmm yeah..” He closed his eyes, moaning deeply into her ear.

“Ew! You’re agreeing that 10 and 12 year olds turn you on?” Sara moaned louder as he grasped handfuls of her hand and tugged.

Nick opened his eyes for a minute. “What?! No..I…Just…shut up, Sara.” His lips pressed hard against hers, his tongue sliding gently into her mouth.

It was not until after they both reached their end, laying breathless together, that either one of them spoke again.

Sara smiled, rubbing his hair back as his eyes drifted closed. “So what happened to just say hey, I missed you?”

Nick looked up, smiling tiredly. “Hey, I missed you.” He laughed and sat up slowly, stretching.

“Much better.”

An hour later, they both walked out to his tour bus like nothing had happened.

And that was only the beginning of what they never saw coming.

Nick rolled over in the morning, slamming a fist down on his ringing phone. Who the hell would call this early? Someone that apparently didn’t know him and his sleeping habits and therefore, did not need to talk to him. He groaned and buried his head in his pillow then jumped when his leg hit the other warm body in his bed. His lips curved into a smile when he turned his head to see her facing him, sleeping like a baby.

It was only when he was alone with her that he would ever even allow himself to think about how he might really feel about Sara. Laying beside him was his best friend, and that was all he had intended her to be. She was never caught up in the whole fame thing, and she was honest when he made music that she hated, even thought he kept singing it just to piss her off. Her opinions of his girlfriends were always truthful, and she could almost always peg how long he’d stay with the girl he was with, even if he swore it was forever. Best of all, she was always waiting for him at home when his world fell apart.

Which was usually every two weeks.

But Nick would never have ever thought of Sara as more than a friend. Why would you ruin such a good friendship with something like commitment and promises that, when broken, would break everything they had worked to build. He had been such a non-believer in love and happy endings lately, he didn’t think he could make the one exception. Even if it was for the one who had always exceeded his expectations.

Maybe all it boiled down to was fear of rejection. Especially from her.

Nick smiled and gently eased his fingers down the side of her face, lacing them through her hair, down her back and down her side. Something about the way the sunlight was easing into the blinds in the back of his bus cast a certain beautiful glow about her face. Could he really see himself waking up every morning next to her?

“Whaaaaaatttt?” Sara groaned, eyes still closed, startling Nick a bit.

“Nothing.” He whispered, smiling a bit.

“Nothing doesn’t make you put your hand on my ass.”

“You know I love your ass.”

“Mph, not as much as you love Howie’s ass.”

“Sara! Gross!” Nick crinkled his nose at the thought.

“Well, the way you lick at him like you’re a damn dog.”

“But…” He leaned over to kiss her, “Nothing like I lick you.”

“Mmm, fresh morning breath.” Sara opened an eye and smirked then closed it again. “Go brush your teeth then we’ll talk.”

“I’m not doing shit for you.” As serious as he tried to sound, a laugh escaped his lips at the end.

“No kisses for you then.” She rolled over, pushing him away in the process.

The man whimpered a bit but when his attempt to pout proved futile, he simply crawled onto her back, kissing down his spine and nuzzling the back of her head. “Babbbyy…” With that, he began tickling her sides until her laughter caused her to flip back onto her back. “AHA!” Nick kissed her lips quickly. “Victory is so sweet.”

“I hate you. And I can’t breathe.” Sara breathed out, still kissing him.

“Perhaps because you’re sucking my face off?” That got him pushed off again.

A few minutes later, though, she was curled up against him.

-----------------------------------------

Sara sat in the back of the arena, intently watching sound check. A few lucky fans had been let in to watch and so she stayed back, wanting to avoid any awkward questions from Nick’s fans. What would she tell them? They knew she was best friends with him but for some reason, those bitches could smell out who had sex with Nick Carter. She knew they’d find out. And then the dreaded question…

“Are you two dating?”

So far from it. If they only knew. If only there was some way to explain it without her looking like trash and him getting a bad reputation. He had just come out of so much. Now, he had stopped drinking and started eating healthy and she couldn’t ruin that for him. Sara didn’t want to ruin anything for him. Which is exactly why she would never let him know her true feelings for him. She would ruin him, She wasn’t Hollywood glamour and she wasn’t anything that he should be with.

“You ready to go get lunch?” The brunette quickly asked as her friend approached, before he had any time to study her and ask what she was thinking.

“Um, yeah. I guess. I’m not too hungry.” Nick replied, rubbing his face.

“You ok?”

“Sure. Just tired.”

“You? Tired after just showing off in front of fans? I usually can’t get you to shut up.” Sara go up and smirked, patting his back.

“I must be coming down with something. I just don’t feel like eating.”

“Nick, you’re telling the truth right? Because if management is on you again…you’re smaller…” Her tone was slightly worried.

“Nooo, I’m being honest. I’m just not that hungry.” Nick wrapped an arm around her waist as they left the venue and the sight of anyone else.

“Oh, well I’m sure we could think of something else to do.” Sara giggled and wiggled her eyebrows up at him.

How could he ever turn that down?

Or so he thought. By the time they had gotten into the bus and undressed, Nick had fallen fast asleep for a nap that he couldn’t avoid. Sara simply laid against him and watched him nap, feeling something was about to go wrong. She felt it deep inside. She just didn’t know how much longer it could be ignored, but she knew, laying beside her, was not her usual Nick. How to fix that, she wasn’t sure.

But it would be even harder to convince him that something was different. Something that would change their lives forever.

“Nick! You’re sick…” Sara sighed, watching Nick rub his face after gagging up his breakfast.

“No,” He murmured, standing up to look in the mirror, “I probably just didn’t need to eat breakfast, like I told you.” He shot a half glare towards her.

“You’ve barely eaten since I’ve been here!”

“When are you going home?”

Sara looked downwards, his words hitting harder than they meant to. Sure, they had gotten into their little fights before but he had never spouted out some nasty things like he had these past few days. That was her first sign that something was wrong.

Nick sighed and leaned against the bathroom counter. He hadn’t meant to keep hurting her but he was scared. Management always got so pissed with him when he had gotten sick lately, which seemed often. While it was ok to hide it by yourself, having someone else around to point it out just made him feel worse because he knew it was true. “I’m sorry, Sar. I didn’t mean…”

“It’s ok. I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.” She walked back to the hotel bedroom and started getting dressed. Boy, he had really done it. She was never one to get dressed this early.

“It’s just…I can’t be sick. I don’t have time to be sick.” The blonde man spoke softly. “I’ve been sick too much recently.”

“You’ve been sick??” Her brown eyes filled with worry, replacing the look of hurt.

“Babe, just…don’t worry about it, ok?” Nick pulled her hand gently away from his forehead as she went to feel it and held it, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “I’m sure when I get a break next week, I’ll have time to rest and get over it.”

The short brunette stared at him for about a minute before nodding. “Ok. But I’m going to call and check on your stupid ass, ok?”

“You just want an excuse to call me.”

“Like I need one…”

Suddenly, Nick didn’t feel like arguing anymore. Actually, he felt like hugging the toilet again, but he would just wait until he got to the venue to avoid more scrutiny from his hot little voice of reason. “I should probably head over to the arena.”

“This early?” Sara tilted her head and smirked slowly, pulling him closer.

“We’ll play later babe. Yeah, I gotta run.” Slipping his shoes on quickly, Nick was out the door.

----------------------------------------

The room was spinning a little as the music came to a stop, the choreographer tweaking a few things before tonight’s show. Nick’s tired blue eyes searched the stage for a fresh bottle of water as he had already downed his first one, barely 15 minutes into rehearsal.

“You ok Nick?” Brian slapped a hand against his back, eliciting a small wince from him.

“Just fine…”

“You look kinda pale.” Brian moved around him to look at his face, inspecting him.

Nick really had the urge to punch Brian right in the nose, just for irritating him. But he was too tired and knew he would regret it later. His friend was just trying to care. He didn’t know why he started now. Brian hadn’t cared since he had gotten married.

“I’m really ok Bri. Just feeling a little under the weather.” The youngest forced a smile and sat down on the drum stool.

“Like that’s something new.” AJ walked by, taking a sip of his water and smirking.

Nick sighed. Oh, to be back in bed…

His thoughts were broken by Brian’s face paling. “Nick!”

“What?”

“Do you not feel your nose gushing blood?”

And that was how it all began.

“Don’t you think you should go to a doctor, Nick?!” Sara had reached a higher level of sound after she had stopped Nick’s nose from bleeding a second time that day.

“Sara! Damn it! I’m fine…” He jerked his head away from her cool hands and washed his face in the sink. He slowly stood back from the mirror and ran his hands over his abdomen. All this vomiting his guts out and loss of appetite and his stomach was still swollen.

The brunette eyed him for a minute and then crossed her arms across her chest. “Is that what this is? Are you taking diet pills again?”

Nick growled at the accusation. He really couldn’t blame her though, he had similar symptoms to that time. “I’m not stupid.”

“Sometimes I’m not so sure…”

“Look! I’ve had about enough of your shit, Sara.” He spat. He didn’t know where it was coming from. He had never yelled at her like this before. Not sober at least.

Immediately he regretted it as her face drained of color and then flushed red, all in a matter of seconds. The woman went over to the closet and pulled out her bag, quickly opening drawers and stuffing her stuff inside. Nick only sighed and walked over to her. “I didn’t mean…” But before he could finish, she brushed past him and slammed the door to the bathroom.

“Sar, don’t be a brat.” He breathed, running a hand down his face and wincing at how sore his body felt. He felt exhausted. Damn the flu, which is what he figured this all was.

As soon as the sentence had left his mouth, the bathroom door flung back open. “I’M the brat?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” The tone of her voice made him wince. “YOU are the one, Nickolas, that is such a brat, you’re risking your own health and the health of everyone else because you’re a stubborn ass who won’t pay attention when something’s wrong! I don’t care how much people make fun of you! You’re SICK! You look like shit!”

“Gee thanks. At least I’m not sleeping with someone that looks like shit.” Nick muttered, his feelings and emotions all of a sudden muddled. He wished he could just fast forward this argument. He wasn’t in the mood anymore, he just wanted to curl up in bed. Preferably with someone. With her.

“You’re right. I’m the stupid one here. I’m the stupid one that slept with my best friend that could have any woman he wants. I’m probably just hindering you from being with some hot slut right now.” Her voice was tinged with a bit of sadness as she zipped her bag and continued to stare down at it. “How could I have been so stupid to think…”

“Think what?” Nick’s voice had softened considerably, as did his whole expression.

Sara licked her lips and shook her head, refusing to reveal anything to him that he could use against her in the future. “I’m just…stupid. And you don’t need me here, telling you what to do. I have no right. I’m not your girlfriend.”

“But babe…”

“No…Nick.” She shook her head, sliding on her flip flops. “Just stop. I don’t want us to fight. I’m just…gonna go home early. I’ll see you after tour.” With that, she picked up her bag and walked towards the door.

“Wait! Just…” Nick licked his lips and grabbed her arm and before he knew it, his lips were pressed against hers. Not in just a normal ‘I wanna screw you’ kiss, but a passionate one. A loving kiss. “Just wait.”

Sara pulled back slowly, blinking. “Nicky, I…I can’t wait.” She reached up and touched her hand to the side of his face. “I can’t watch you keep living your life for people who won’t care in a years time. Just…I’ll…talk to you later ok?” Sara swallowed. “I love you.”

Then she turned and left, leaving Nick alone and swallowing back tears.

Leaving Nick to only get worse. She received the call at 11pm two days later…

They were all sitting down to eat before the concert, all going between catering and their buses. All except for Nick. He was sitting there with an empty plate that he had never filled, just to make it look like he had eaten. The only thing he seemed to be able to keep down was his bottle of water, which he was thinking might pick the opportune moment of right before going onstage to haunt him.

If Sara had thought leaving him would push him to get better, she was so wrong. And if Nick had been feeling anything like himself, he would have called her, just to tell her she was wrong for once. But he could barely keep up the energy to perform.

“Hey Nick,” Brian patted his back as he walked in with his son. “Feeling any better?”

“Kinda.” He replied, sipping a bit more of his water. “Just trying to keep energy.”

“Yeah, that’s probably best. Is anything particularly good today?”

“Umm, what?”

Brian laughed and shook his head. “The food, Nicky.”

“Oh,” he rubbed his face. “Sorry. Those little sandwich things were good.” He hoped they were because he really hadn’t eaten a thing on that table.

His friend eyed him and was about to interrogate further when Baylee insisted that he needed to eat or he was going to die soon. Nick thanked God for the intervention. All that talking was making him tired. He decided to just lay his head down and hope he would get better before he got worse.

------------

The first few songs weren’t so bad. Actually, he was feeling better. Maybe Nick just needed his blood pumping and the pills he had been taking were working. He almost felt like himself. It was when he sat on the stool that the trouble started…

The blonde sat, listening to Brian talk, but the sound was only a dull drone and the screams from the audience began to pierce his eardrums. A few times he swallowed back vomit and he hoped no one would notice the color draining from his face. Or the sweat that was seeping out at a rapid pace.

Just make it another hour…

-------------

Sara sat in her bed, reading a book and trying to avoid the thought that had been invading her mind ever since she had gotten home. It had been two days since she had heard from Nick and that worried her more than anything. Even if he was pissed for leaving, he would have texted her some picture with a girl telling her that he didn’t need her. That had happened more than once. That was the big baby part of Nick Carter that came with the package. He would call the next morning and apologize.

But he hadn’t messaged her and he hadn’t called. And she was at a loss for what to do. He was a big boy and he could take care of himself.

Oh, who was she kidding? Nick was only a big boy when he absolutely had to be. He had never taken care of himself on his own before, why would he start now? Why was she so concerned? It was probably just a stomach flu. Sara’s eyes wandered to the clock on her bedside table. Right about now, he was teasing some girls in the front row and later, he just might hook up with one of them. The woman growled at herself, feeling the surge of jealousy power through her, thinking about Nick with another woman. No one could ever care for him like she did.

But she would never tell him that.

Rolling onto her stomach, Sara grabbed a magazine and hoped to find something juicy that would keep her distracted until she was tired. She almost jumped out of her skin when the ringtone of her phone broke the silence.

Why was Brian calling her so late?

-----------

The feelings only got worse and the band only got louder. The screams only got more high pitched. All the noise made him want to curl up and cry. But he kept a smile pasted on. He was sure message boards would be hashing later on how sickly he looked. At least it wasn’t how fat he looked….

Nick was so proud of himself when the concert finally ended. Now to just make it to his bus. He felt weak, but nothing a little nap couldn’t help. A nap and some juice sounded wonderful…

And he didn’t even realize his vision was growing darker. Nick Carter didn’t even feel it when he collapsed, falling down three stairs and laying pale and sick at the bottom.

“Where the hell is he?” Sara rushed into the waiting room where she had been told that the rest of “Mr. Carter’s group” was waiting. Even though her voice sounded like she was ready to bitch someone out, her face told another story. Her brown eyes were clouded with unshed tears and her cheeks were stained with the ones that had managed to escape.

Brian stood as she entered the room and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, leading her to a chair beside his. “He’s still being checked out.” As hard as he tried, Brian couldn’t get the thought of lifeless Nick lying in a crumpled heap on the ground. He had been right behind him and almost tripped right over Nick’s body.

She sighed. It was hard enough having to wait on the flight here, but to be so close and still not know anything, that was the worst. Sure she had been stubborn and hadn’t been talking to Nick since she had left, but he was still her best friend and she was still convinced that no one would care for him like she could. No one. Ever.

“I shouldn’t have left..” Sara leaned forward, running her fingers through her hair.

“You and I both know it wouldn’t have made a difference.” Brian tried to reason with her. He had expected this. If anything had happened to Sara or Nick, he knew the uninjured one would blame themselves. That was how they were, screwed up but somehow loving.

“Maybe…I just…I should’ve let him play his game and stayed.”

“No, he needed someone strong enough to put him in his place. God knows none of us tried.”

“Well, it doesn’t look like I did much good either.” The brunette swallowed, closing her eyes. All she could see was Nick. His face before she left. How pleading his blue eyes were for her to stay but his harsh voice wanting her to go. Hiding what he really felt. That was the game he played best. It was the game he always won with her. As stubborn as she was, she would always give in to him.

Neither one of them had any idea how serious this game was this time. It suddenly became life threatening.

-----

Nick could hear the gentle soft voices, familiar yet far away. Brian…

…And Sara? What was she doing here? She left. Did this mean she gave in? He felt the urge to smile. Nick Carter wins again.

He groaned, opening his eyes and quickly squeezing them closed again to block out the bright lights. What the hell were the lights so bright for? He was either on stage performing some weird trick or under interrogation. “Wha…”

“Nicky?” Her voice was quiet and timid and he wanted to roll his eyes for the nickname, even though he secretly liked when she was the one saying it. Her voice was different though. Afraid almost.

“What the hell…” He managed, licking his lips. Almost immediately water was placed at his dry lips. Such maternal little friends he had.

“You’re sick and in the hospital. I told you so.” Even though Sara was squeezing his hand tightly, she still had to get in her own victory.

“Yeah yeah. I’m always sick. Nothing new.” Nick still couldn’t figure out why she sounded so worried. Wasn’t she used to this?

“Jesus Nick. Grow up. It’s serious this time.” Even though her words were tough, her free hand was gently rubbing his arm. And were those tears in her eyes?

Nick slowly turned his head so he could focus on her more easily. “Wha.. what do you mean??”

Sara took in a deep breath and struggled for the right words, but it was Brian’s turn to speak. “Nick, you have infection in your liver. You’re gonna need a partial liver transplant.”

The young man stared at the older one. What the hell was he babbling about? All he had was the stomach flu. He had been sure of it. The doctor on tour had been sure of it. He searched both of their faces frantically for some trace of humor. It was some sort of joke…

It was in seeing this panic stricken look on his face that Sara finally decided what she needed to do. What she had to do. Because in that waiting room, she had realized something she hadn’t considered before. Maybe Nick meant more to her than she had planned. And maybe she couldn’t help it. And maybe there was something else she could give him.

Besides her heart.