Stepping out of my brand new Mustang, I ran my fingers through my blonde hair. I looked over to the small crowd that had formed at the entrance of the studio. Lifting a hand, to wave, I flashed my signature…uh…look. Yeah…see I do this thing, where I purse my lips together, smirk and raise an eyebrow, all at the same time. It drives the chicks crazy!! Anyways, I slowly walked towards the entrance, with long steps. They always tell me to use the back entrance, but everyday I enter through the front.

“Ni-ick! Ni-ick!” the girls chanted, as I drew closer. Sure, guys always come to the show, too, but it was only the girls that came early, to catch a glimpse, and chant my name. I won’t deny that I love it!

“Hello, ladies,” I flashed my signature look again, scratching a few autographs, onto little notepads and t-shirts. I gave another small wave as I approached the security that was manning the entrance.

“Morning, Nick,” he smiled his own signature smile. It wasn’t known, like mine, and it wasn’t famous, like mine, but it was one hell of a grin.

“Hey Bri. How’s it?” I bumped knuckles with him and smiled widely. I have always gotten along with the older man, we’ve even played ball on occasion.

“Pretty typical day. Although watch out for D., he’s been goin’ looooocoooo!!!” He chuckled heartily, “That man has been talking in Spanish, aaaaaaall morning.”

“Problems, I take it?” I snickered. Howard Dorough…a great guy, just…a little temperamental. It takes a lot to set him off, but when he starts speaking Spanish…LOOK OUT!

“Someone didn’t show.” Brian shook his head, with a slight amusement. I just rolled my eyes. It always put everyone in an uproar, when someone decided not to show. Half the time, it turns out that, the plane was delayed and the people are just late.

“Nice…” I was cut off by a loud shouting, from in the building.

“NICK! Where is that damn boy! I swear to fucking hell, he better be here within the next five minutes! CAAAARTEEEER!”

“That’s my cue.” I rolled my eyes, knowing that the man shouting was on a rampage, as well. “Catchya later, Bri. We should get together for the game, on Saturday.”

“Yeah, for sure. See ya after the show.” He smiled, steping in front of the door, that I had just entered through.

“Alright,” I shouted, over the bustling crew. “Who wants me?”

“Where, the hell, have you been?!?” The shorter man came hurrying up, to me. “Howard is fuckin freaking out and you are nowhere within sight! We have a shitty problem to fix and new material to cover! Hurry up…let’s go!” His words were jumbled, as he dragged me, by the arm.

“Chill out Al.”

“You know I hate it, when you call me that!” He scoffed, giving me a death glare. Al was a tough guy…or at least he tried to be….covered in tattoos, dyed hair, lots of jewelry, sunglasses inside, and wild facial hair. Really, if you know him, he’s like a squishy little teddy bear and I doubt he could do anything that, that glare implied.

“But, everyone calls you that,” I reminded him, with a snicker.

“Shut, the fuck, up, you oversized twerp! We have 15 minutes until show time and you’re just dickin around. I am the damn stage manager for a fucking reason! Now let’s GO!”

“Alright, alright! Geesh!” I followed him back, further, into the bustle. I had people coming up and practically attacking me, but it was routine. Sarah Lynn pulled off my t-shirt and slipped on my clean one, for the show. Melissa was walking and putting foundation, onto my face. Joan was trying to work, around Melissa, to brush the blush, onto my cheeks. Kara was frantically combing my frazzled hair. Who knows what else was being done, to me, at that moment, but I was used to it. I’ve been doing this for years and it all seems normal, now.

“TEN MINUTES!” That man…he’s a piece of work, let me tell ya! He’s the only one, around here, that’s even close to my height, being only an inch or two shorter than me. He’s the Producer, of the show, and he can be a bit…anal…sometimes.

“You hear him, we’ve only got ten minutes until show time.” Al rushed around me, grabbing papers from different people. To an outsider, it would look like pure chaos, in here, but, to us, it was all an organized symphony. Every person had their part and did it well. Al spun around, facing me again. “First set is the typical he-she married shit…you know the drill. Commercial. Then we’re onto the she-he, illegal immi…don’t forget to question about the immi thing…” He spoke in a blurred rush, of words. It had taken us years to perfect our communication. He spoke quick, I listened quick…he used funny terms for things, I knew what they all meant…we had a code, of sorts…it helped us to communicate quicker and more efficiently, and we used it five days, out of our week.

“Right…second set is the immi, got it.” I nodded, paying close attention, as we walked towards the set. I peered out, taking in the looks, of today’s crowd.

“Okay…commercial. Then were back to the he-she married shit with the kid twist…not the real father…who is…blah blah blah. Paternity test after the break. Cut to commercial.” I took the cards that Al handed to me. I glanced at them, shuffling through them, to see what was written for my notes. It was typical…Al always kept it short and simple, for me. The music was cueing and the crow was starting to clap. It was show time. Al turned me, to face him, and fixed my shirt, as he finished up.

“NI-ICK! NI-ICK! NI-ICK!” The crowd shouted their usual chant, as I positioned myself, to go on.

“After the test read, you go to the thought. First commercial we’ll discuss. Get through first set…he-she married…on the rocks…big surprise…chairs and security…rips…chant…break. Ready? Let’s go! You’re on!” I suppressed my laughter, as he gave me a light push, onto the stage.

“Hello! And, welcome to the Nick Carter Show!”

“Let’s bring out our first guest, shall we?” I asked the audience and received excited cheers, in response. Looking down at my cards, I looked at the first name. “Let’s welcome Brandon Bair, to the stage!” I swept my arm, through the air, toward the door on the left of the stage. The short, black haired, man strolled onto the stage, waving.

“Hi, Nick.” He smiled widely, as he took a seat in the chair. So far, it was the only chair on the stage.

“Hello. So tell us, you have a secret that you have been hiding from your wife, correct?” I questioned, with a raised eyebrow. I already knew the answer, to this, but this was a show. I had a part to play, too, you know…it’s not just the crew that has a job to do. That organized symphony, of chaos, surrounded around me and I was almost like the soloist. I played an instrument, like everyone else, I just happened to get the spotlight.

“OOOOOOOOO!!!” The crowd chimed, behind me.

“Yes, Nick, I do.” The man became a bit timid, fiddling with his hands. “I’m…I’m really a woman, Nick.” I widened my eyes, looking out at the crowd that was gasping.

“You’re a woman?” I asked, in order to make him…her…clarify. It was the usual routine…always ask a question to make the person restate, what they just said.

“Yes, Nick. I am a woman and my wife doesn’t know.”

“Okay, so how have you been able to keep this secret?” I walked through the crowd, as I spoke to my guest.

“Well, we only have sex at night, in the dark and I never undress, in front of her.”

“Hmm. How long have you been married?” My questions roll, off my tongue, without a problem. We’ve had guests, and episodes, like this before, that’s why Al blew it off as the same old shit.

“It’s been almost three years.” The crowd gasped. I walked up beside a younger woman, who had her hand raised.

“You have a question, sweetheart?” I smirk at her, holding out the microphone.

“Um yeah, what is your real name, and have you ever considered having a sex reassignment surgery?” Her voice made me smile. Hmmm…I might have security keep her, after the show. I shook the thought from my head, winked at her, and turned my attention back to the guest.

“I was born Brandy Marie,” the guest answered. “I have thought about getting the surgery, but I have never been able to afford it.”

“Why do you want to tell your wife, now?” I asked, trying to move the show along, so that everything would get fit in.

“We’ve been talking about starting a family, and since I am not really a man…we can’t exactly do that. I asked her about adopting but she really wants her own. We’ve been fighting like crazy, all the time and I am just sick of it. I want to come clean.”

“Alright…let’s send you backstage and we’ll bring out your wife!” I smiled, as my guest stood and left the stage. After the stage was cleared, I spoke again “Let’s bring out Brandon’s wife, Melissa. Melissa! Come on out!” I waved my hand towards the door on the opposite side of the stage, as I stepped up the stairs. I greeted the woman as she hugged me. “So, Melissa, do you know why you are here today?” I asked, sitting in the chair, next to her, and crossing my legs.

“Um…I was told that my husband has a secret.” She answered, looking out over the crowd. Her hands rested in her lap, and I could tell her nerves were a little high.

“Do you have any idea, what it is, Melissa?”

“Not a clue.”

“Well, we’re going to bring him out…right after this short break!” I smiled into the camera.

“Aaaaand we’re clear!” Kevin shouted. Suddenly, I was rushed, by the same people as before. They touched up my make up, fixed my hair and straightened my clothes. I walked to the side of the stage, where Al was waiting.

“Nice, Carter.”

“Thanks, Al. Same old shit.” I shrugged, bumping knuckles with the shorter, older man. He handed me fresh cue cards and went right into his little babble.

“Alright…your thought…”

“Um…be true to yourself?” I question, referring to my guests all lying about their gender and keeping secrets.

“Good…work with that. The immi still didn’t show, we’re skipping over, so draw for time.” Al instructed, wiping something off my shoulder.

“Got it.” I nodded my head, as I heard Kevin shout for positions.

“You got it kid…ready…” Al started, anticipating the next voice.

“In…3…2…1…” Kevin counted off, before pointing at me, for my cue.

“Welcome back, to the Nick Carter Show!” I flashed my signature and walked back up, onto the stage. “Before the break, we were talking to this lovely lady. Melissa…are you ready to find out your husband’s big secret?” I sat back down next to her, in the seat that would soon occupy her ‘husband’.

“I don’t know…I’m so nervous!” Her eyes widened, for added effect. You know…we try not to stage these shows, but people know the Nick Cater Show and they know what happens on it. So…when they come on the show, they automatically fall into the parts.

“Well, I guess it’s time to bring him on out. Brandon!” I shouted, standing up and walking back into the audience. “Come on out!” I yelled, again, pointing my finger to the door. Brandon walked out on the stage and the crowd booed.

“Alright…alright…let’s calm down!” I motioned for the crowd to settle down and, like usual, they obeyed. “Brandon, are you ready to reveal your secret, to your wife?” I asked, standing towards the back, of the audience.

“Yeah…” taking a deep breath, my guest nodded, “I think I am.”

“Okay, then, go ahead.” I nodded, giving ‘him’ the cue, to continue.

“Lissa, baby…you know I love you, with everything in me, but, I haven’t been completely honest with you.” Turning towards each other, they stared, Melissa waiting for the reveal.

“What is it?”

“I…I’m really…a woman. I was born Brandy Marie.” The secret was out and the shock was evident on Melissa’s face. I rubbed my chin, waiting for the response. She stood up, slapping her ‘husband’ across the face.

“HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME, LIKE THAT?!?” She screamed, both of them now standing.

“Baby…”

“Don’t you ‘baby’ me!” She shoved the other woman, who shoved back. I smirked as the cat fight began. “Are you serious? How did you hide this from me?”

“We’ve always had sex in the dark…I just used a strap on.” Melissa’s jaw hit the floor, and she lunged at Brandy, ripping her shirt and revealing the woman’s breasts. It was beyond me, how people could hide this sort of thing, but hey…it made for a damn good show!

“Ni…ick! Ni…ick! Ni…ick!” The audience chanted my name, as the fight, on stage, progressed.

“Alright…alright…sit down!” I ordered the guests. Like usual, they didn’t listen. It’s funny how the audience always listens, but the guests never due…then again, that’s what makes the show so interesting! A chair flew across the stage, landing with a thud. Brian and other security members rushed onto the stage, in their ‘Nick Carter Show’ shirts that had their names across the back. Brian and Jake restrained Melissa as Q and Bubba restrained Brandy.

“You BITCH!” Melissa struggled against Brian and Jake, her shirt and pants now torn some, too.

“You’re the whore! You cheated on me!” Brandy screamed, kicking the security.

“You’re a fucking WOMAN, so it doesn’t count!” The security was now sitting the two women down, on opposite sides of the stage.

“We’ll continue talking with Brandy and Melissa…after the break.” I grinned at the camera.

“Ni…ick! Ni…ick! Ni…ick!” The crowd’s chanting revived, loudly.

“Aaaaand we’re clear!” I let out a huffed sigh, as Kevin called us clear.

“Alright, everyone calm down and sit down!” I ordered, walking up the steps, onto the stage. Everyone listened, this time, and sat down. The studio was filled with hushed talking, as I made my way over to Al.

“Good draw.” He smirked, giving me a nod. I looked, at him, waiting for him to start his ramble. The small crowd surrounded me again, fixing me up, as Al continued. “Alright. Wrap it and move.” He handed my fresh cues, and I quickly looked them over.

“Lying never gets you ahead…be true to yourself, and those who really love you, will accept it?” I offered, looking to Al for confirmation.

“Not bad, Carter. Not bad. Ready…” He gave me a light push, and I walked onto the stage, standing in the middle.

“In…3…2…1!” Kevin called out, motioning my cue, again.

“Welcome back!” I grinned. “Let’s welcome out our next guest, Roberto Lopez! Come on out here, Roberto!” The man came out and took a seat. “So…tell us your story, Roberto.”

“Well…I have been keeping a secret, from my wife. I was really born a woman, but I’ve had a gender reassignment surgery.” This guest seemed more open, than the last.

“Well…well…well…” I walked through the crowd, “you were born a woman? Why are you coming out with this, now?”

“Yes, I was and…I just…I feel bad for hiding it from her…and I want her to know the truth.” I nodded, as I made my way over to a guy that had his hand raised.

“Yes? You have a question?” I asked, motioning for him to stand.

“Yeah…since your dick is from a surgery…can you nut?” He asked, tilting his head, causing the audience to snicker.. I pursed my lips; trying not to bust out laughing…didn’t HE have a way with words?!?

“No…I do not produce sperm,” came a simple answer, as the guy sat back down.

“Okay, Roberto…we’re going to send you backstage and bring out your wife.” I watched the guest stand and leave, before shouting for the other guest to enter. Looking down, at the card in my hand, I call out, “Come on, and let’s welcome Erika Lopez!” I walked up, to greet the woman, and took a seat next to her. “So, Erika, my dear…why are you here today?” I smirked at her and then at the camera.

“I have a secret, Nick.” She replied, causing the audience to gasp.

“What is your secret, Erika?” I ask her, softly. I cross one leg, over the other, and look at her closely.

“Well…for almost the entire 8 years we’ve been married…I’ve been cheating on my husband.” She let out a long sigh, looking at me, through the corner of her eye.

“Erika, hun, you’ve been cheating? Is that all?” I ask, glancing at the cue card, in my hand. The audience gasped, again.

“Yes…for about 7 years. And, no, Nick…we have three daughters and…I’m not sure if they are his.” She blushed.

“Ooooooooh!” The audience responded, as if they had rehearsed.

“Shall we bring your husband back out here? Are you ready to reveal, to him, your secret, Erika?” I asked, standing to my feet. I ran a hand through my hair, as I looked to her.

“Yes, Nick…I’m ready.” She nodded, hesitantly.

“Okay, then…Roberto…why don’t you come on, back, out here!” I stepped, off the stage and, back, into the audience. They all stood up and chanted, as Roberto re-entered. After everyone was sitting down, I continued on. “So…both of you have a secret. Erika, let’s start with you.” I sat down, in the front row. Crossing one leg, over the other, I let one arm drape over my chest, microphone in hand, and propped my other elbow on top of it, letting my chin rest in my hand.

“Roberto…” she fiddled with her hands, staring at the floor. “I have been cheating on you, for most of our marriage and…I’m not sure if the girls are yours.” She let out a deep, shaky breath, carefully looking up to Roberto.

“I know…” Roberto drew in a deep breath, himself. “I know this because…I was born a woman. My penis is from a gender reassignment surgery and I am unable to have children.” Silence filled the stage, as the audience looked on, in anticipation.

“I have a little surprise, myself.” I speak up, not moving. “We have a special guest here, today…well…sort of. Let’s bring to the stage, Erika’s lover…” I drew in a breath, raising my voice, “…AND the show’s producer…Kevin Richardson!!!” I smile widely, standing up and holding out my hand, directing everyone’s attention, to Kevin, as he makes his was onto the set.

“Ni…ick! Ni…ick! Ni…ick!” The audience went nuts! I watched on as a fight broke out, immediately. I had been, a bit, shocked myself, when I heard about this part. I would have never expected Kevin to agree to this! Evidently, he wanted to do it, because he loved Erika, and wanted her to himself. I guess this was supposed to prove that, or something.

“You asshole!” Roberto screamed, as the audience continued to chant, and the security rushed to the stage. Kevin and Roberto were in a full out brawl, rolling on the floor. Punches were flying in every direction, as Erika stood crying.

“Ni…ick! Ni…ick! Ni…ick!” The chants got louder, and more enthused, as the two of them continued trying to beat on each other. Brian and Q were holding onto Kevin’s arms as Jake held Roberto, by the waist, with Bubba standing between them all.

“We’re going to take a quick break. When we get back, we will reveal the results of a paternity test, for Erika’s children. Don’t go anywhere!” I raised my brows, not knowing who the heck was gonna clear us.

“Alright! We’re cleared!” Al screamed, from the side of the stage. “Break it up, now! We’re on commercial, people…save it for the cameras! Come on back, smooth talker.” He nodded me, towards him. I quickly sprinted up the steps, as security and stage crews worked on getting things re-set, for after the break.

“What a show!” I snickered, walking up to Al.

“Yeah…not bad for having a no-show, on the bill. Alright, we’re cutting close, now. You’re gonna read and limit then go straight to the step thought…that’s when Kev is gonna pop it, you’ll shoot the look.”

“N.P.” I grinned, bumping knuckles with Brian and Q, as they walked by. I looked out, to see Kevin, on the stage, sitting with the other guests. His legs and arms were crossed, a serious look, on his face. Al handed me two big manila envelopes and I got into position, as he called it.

“We’re back in...3…2…1…” Al pointed at me.

“Hey, we’re back!” I smiled, turning to the guests. “I have the results, Erika…are you ready?”

“Yes, Nick.” She nodded. We, all, already knew that Roberto couldn’t be the father, but…was Kevin the real father, or was there someone else? I opened the seal, on the first envelope, pulling out the papers.

“On all three children…Roberto Lopez…there is a 99.9% chance you are…NOT the father.” He just nodded, as I tossed the envelope, to the floor, in front of me. I set to work on the other envelope, and pulled out its contents. “In the case of all three children…Kevin Richardson…there is a 99.9% chance you…ARE the father.”

“Ni…ick! Ni…ick! Ni…ick!” The audience was to its feet, chanting, and shaking their fists. Another fight broke out on stage, as I sat on the step.

“Today’s thought…remember to always be true to who you are. Those who truly love you, will always stick by you. Take care and…”

“ERIKA…WILL YOU MARRY ME???” Kevin’s screaming voice boomed, over everything. I turned, to look, behind me. Erika stood frozen. “Divorce him…her…it…whatever…and marry me! Please!”

“Yes, Kevin!” tears trickled down her cheeks, as I turned back to the camera.

“…we’ll see you next time on…The Nick Carter Show!”

“Yo, Carter…great show!”

 

    I turned to find Al walking towards me, a huge grin on his face. Behind him, a string of three rather hot girls followed. One of them was the bombshell that had asked Brandon…Brandy…whatever, Bair…the question about the sex reassignment surgery. I smirked to myself, giving her a wink. To be honest, I’d put her to the back of my mind. Now that she was close though, I was determined to use my charm to win her over…

 

    Holding up a hand, I high-fived Al, “Thanks…the transsexual shows are always the most entertaining!”

 

    I was still on a high from the fights that had broken out. No matter how exciting the shows were though, I always looked forward to what happened afterwards the most. Al never let me down, bringing backstage with him a few pieces of eye candy from the audience, meaning another fun night and another one night stand, no strings attached.

 

    “I brought you a little something…” Al informed me as if reading my mind.

 

    “I can see that,” I licked my lips discretely, my eyes glued to the leggy, blonde hair, green eyed beauty with curves in all the right spots and breasts the size of melons, “What’s your name, doll?” I pulled her into me, snaking my arm flirtatiously around her waist. The scent of her perfume was driving me nuts.

 

    “Ariana.” She breathed out, giving me a seductive smile.

 

    “I’m Nick…” I introduced, although she already knew that. However, the introduction always gave things a more personal touch. I gave a smile meant just for her before turning to the other two, “And you are?”

 

    “Alicia.” The brunette sighed, bored, as she examined her nails. She didn’t even look up, realizing that I was not interested in her.

 

    “Lindsay,” the other, a strawberry blonde replied, freckles dotting her nose delicately. I’ve never had much of a thing for red-heads, but this one was quite sexy.

 

    “Nice to meet you,” I gave them that famous grin of mine, charming them by giving them each a kiss on the hand, all the while, claiming my territory with Ariana by keeping my arm firmly around her tiny waist.

 

    I gave Al a secret nod, his cue to hurry things up with the two whom I wouldn’t be taking with me that night. I posed for a few photos with them, and signed their t-shirts across their breasts before having Al escort them back to where he’d picked them up from. Knowing him, he would be exchanging a few numbers of his own for later on. Unlike myself, Al liked to keep a few girls strung along at a time for a couple of weeks until he either got bored with them or a new set fell into his lap, literally. I preferred to keep it simple with having one female around for one night, then sending her on her way. Some would call me shady, but hey…I am Nick Carter.

 

    “So, Ariana,” I began, knowing chicks locked it when I used their name, “What do you do?”

 

    “I’m a student and a dancer.” She informed me with confidence, and somehow, this…career choice…suited her.

 

    “Nice,” dirty thoughts ran through my mind like wildfire. Chances were, with her job, she wouldn’t be looking for anything emotionally involved either. I noticed Al walking back towards us, this time alone.

 

    “God damn, Carter…” he shook his head, “How could you choose…” he asked as if Ariana wasn’t still there. Al wasn’t exactly known for being…how should I put it…sensitive? “I picked up both of their numbers. Could be fun, if you know what I mean.”

 

    I smiled at him. I did, indeed. Although, I think deep down Al wants to find somebody to settle down with.  He’s just too afraid of commitment. Remember what I told you earlier though…he’s like a big, squishy teddy bear deep down.

 

     “What’s on the agenda for tonight?”

 

    The backstage was beginning to clear out. I knew that it wouldn’t be long before we were asked to leave too, so that the building could be locked up for the night and the crew could do whatever it was they did to prepare for the next day. I could already tell you that there would be some blood on the stage that would have to be scrubbed down. I laughed on the inside. It would suck to be whoever had that job. I could only hope that they wore rubber gloves…

 

…”Nick?”

 

    I looked up wit ha blank expression on my face, knowing I’d spaced out again, “Huh?”

 

    Al smirked, “I said that Bri, Howard and Kev were all meeting up at Bar Louis for happy hour drinks and apps. Wanna swing by and meet up with them for a bit?”

 

    I gave him a nod before turning to my date for the night, “What do you think? Up for a night out?”

 

    “What do you think?”

 

    Ohh…I loved with they did that. When they answered a question with a question. It was so damned hot. Most women eagerly agreed. Once in awhile though, one would take me by surprise and make me guess. A challenge was always more fun.

 

    “Count us in then.” I told Al, “We’ll meet you there in say, an hour?”

 

    “Works for me,” Al shook his head and laughed, knowing what would be holding me up for that hour, “Don’t forget the condom!”

 

    I blushed slightly. Not much, but enough.  What did I say? Al was so not smooth. And I knew he did it on purpose too. Ariana didn’t seem to mind though, for if it were possible, I could swear she came in closer to my side. At least she wasn’t uptight. I get those on occasion. They completely ruin any plans that I had in store for…us.

 

    So I had one hour to take care of…um….business, as I like to call it, and then take Ariana out for a night with the rest of us. I would then give her a little parting gift in the shape of an O…then we would separate. I know I’ve said this before, but I want to make this clear. Nick Carter does not settle down. Never.

 

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    The second I saw Kevin from across the bar, I choked back a laugh. The attempt was failed though, because a cackle escaped my throat as I approached the table.

 

    “Damn, Richardson…that SHIT sure did clobber the fuck out of you.” I grinned, nodding towards the black eye that continued to swell and darken by the minute, “Good thing you are the producer and are behind the scenes.”

 

    “Yeah, yeah,” Kevin muttered, “Better watch it or else your pretty little face will be looking just like this on camera.”

 

    I rolled my eyes at his threat, knowing he wouldn’t touch me. Let me explain for a moment though when I mentioned the SHIT. It is a code that we’ve come up with for the transsexuals or the gender confused. It is a combination of She, He, IT. Get it?  SHIT!

 

    “Right, Richardson…keep on telling yourself that.” I smirked, pulling a bar stool out for Ariana to hop up upon. I took the only empty seat left at the table next to her, “Erika…nick to see you again. Congrats on the engagement guys. I assume it is official now?”

 

    “You assume right.” Kevin answered. I then noticed the ring on Erika’s finger. A 1-karat diamond that glittered under the bar lights. How romantic. I sneered, “We’ve got the relationship, the kids…now just need the marriage.”

 

    “A little backwards, don’t you think?” I asked.

 

    “At least I have a real relationship.”

 

    Howard interrupted us before we could get into it. I wouldn’t say it was a sore spot for me, but I didn’t like being called out on the fact that I’d never had anything that lasted for longer than a week. It was my choice. What was it to them anyways?

 

    “Who’s your friend?”

 

    “Ariana,” I informed the group, “Ariana, you’ve already been lucky enough to meet Al…the old man next to you is Kevin, and Erika is the chick. That is his fiancé,” I put emphasis on the word, “Curly over there is Howard and then the blue eyed man with the cooked smile is Bri.”

 

    “Thanks so much for the thoughtful introductions,” Kevin quipped, but he was smiling.

 

    A bartender came up to our round high-top, taking our orders. We got a basket of one-hundred hot wings and a round of Heineken. While she went to fetch our stuff, Kevin began to speak again. Imagine that…Kevin speaking. He always feels the need to get his two cents in though, and since he was here, this would likely turn into a business outing.

 

    “I was thinking about new ideas for the show…”

 

    See, I told you so!

 

    “New ideas?” Howard’s eyes held interest, “How so?”

 

    ‘Well, we have enough ideas to get us through half the season, but we need something fresh. We are in season eight already. I don’t want the show to dry up because we keep reusing the same ideas over and over again.”

 

    The show dry up? Please. Not with this face!  

 

    “I’m listening.” Howard nodded intently.

 

    “Do any of you have any ideas?” Kevin rolled his eyes, “I’m not going to come up with all of this on my own you know.”

 

    All of us sat there for a few moments in silence. I could tell that Ariana was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Usually I save the fun for later, but it was more convenient this way. The studio, and her car, were only a block and a half away. I could always make her walk back…

 

    “How about ‘My ten year old is pregnant’?” Brian suggested, breaking my train of thought.

 

    “Done it.” The whites of Kevin’s eyes became visible for a moment as he rolled them.

 

    “Ah…” Brian held up a finger, “But not with her eighteen year old first cousin’s child.”

 

    Kevin looked thoughtful before jotting the idea down on a napkin with a thin point sharpie. I know, so professional, right, “Anyone else?”

 

    “My momma’s dating my man?”

 

    “Done it…but we can always do a different spin on it.”

 

    “Mommy meets the boyfriend at school for a little lunchtime romp in the library.” Al grinned wickedly.

 

    “Or other public places…like under the bleachers…” Howard laughed.

 

    Kevin rapidly jotted down the notes as our round of beer was dropped off at the table along with a humongous basket of wings, plopped right in the center. This could get messy.

 

    “How about “I accidentally shot Grandma in the back yard, mistaking her for an animal.”

 

    There were a few laughs, and Kevin continued to write. He must have been desperate for ideas. It could be interesting though. The more I thought about it, the more fun that one could be though. We continued to talk as we ate and drank, the ideas just getting more an more bizarre the more buzzed we became. Kevin didn’t write down all ideas, but most of them ended up on his little napkin at some point. Before I knew it, it was near time to pack up and leave. Time had gone fast, and now I would have to figure out how to discard of Ariana without her becoming clingly.

 

    As everybody got up and said their goodbyes, I decided now was as good of time as any to ask what had been on my mind for the entire night. Maybe that was part of why I hadn’t contributed much to the ideas?

 

    So…” I laughed nervously, ‘Can I ask you a question?” when I got several pairs of eyes looking at me, I continued, “What’s tomorrows show again”

 

    Everyone groaned, and I was left ignored.

I woke up, to a bright, warm, sun, this morning. It was another, typical day, in the life, of Nick Carter. My morning was awesome…I got up, made myself some breakfast, lounged around, without a worry…ah, I really am living the dream! Around noon, I walked out of my huge house and hopped into my Porsche, heading to the studio. Living the dream is almost an understatement, you know! I have a closet, the size of most living rooms, and it’s filled with clothes, half of, which still have the tags attached. There’s a different car, for every day, of the week, and then some. Oh yeah…life is good!

Pulling into the parking lot, I started my daily ritual. I stepped out, of the car, and ran my fingers, through my hair. Taking long strides, I headed toward the crowd and entrance. There was no stopping, for autographs, or pictures, today. I, just, bumped knuckles, with Brian, and headed into the studio.

“Good God, Carter, you’re…” Al met me, at the door, and glanced at his watch. “…a whole ten minutes early!” He smirked, grabbing my arm, and dragging me into the familiar crowd. Sarah Lynn went, straight, to pulling off my shirt, as the make-up duo worked on my face…not that this face needs any help, but it’s all for the stage lights…you get what I mean. The familiar hands flocked, over me, preparing me for show time. “Oh…and RT’s U. It’s the tops.”

“Whatever, Al, you know the topics have nothing to do with the ratings, being up. It’s the face man…people love this face!” I smirked, but just received a blow, to the arm.

“We got fifteen, everybody! FIFTEEN!!!” Kevin’s voice boomed, over the bustle and Al led me back, further, into the mass, of people. He grabbed the papers that were being handed, to him, from every direction. I told you…it’s a daily routine. The same thing…every day…chaotic organization, and I love it.

“What’s the topic, for today, again?” I asked, nonchalantly. Al stopped, and lifted a brow, looking at me, like I was insane.

“Dude…seriously…how, could you, possibly, forget this one?!?” We picked, back, up our pace, as we made our way toward the stage entrance. The time was down to ten, and we still had to go over cues. He looked, at me, and knew I had really forgotten. Hey…being a talk show host does not require me to be a brainiac…I just have to show up. I don’t need to remember these things…that’s what I have people, like Al, for.

“So…you gonna clue me in, or am I flying by my pants, again?” I crossed my arms, knowing he’d give in. After all…if I screw up…it’s hardly ever blamed on me. If I go on and screw up the topic…Al gets the blame, and usually takes the fall, without argument. He just gives me hell, about it, later.

“Just take the cues, Carter.” He rolled his eyes, and shoved my cues into my hand. I looked down, reviewing their contents. My eyes widened, looking over the topic…he was right, how could I have forgotten this one? “Alright, Carter, first set…16 and 54…locker room talk. Bring out and then break.”

“FIVE MINUTES!” Kevin screamed, walking right past us. He crossed the stage and I could see him directing the crowd that was flooding, onto the set. The audience looked good, today, and I was already scoping out my…uh…date, for tonight.

“Yo, stop staring, at legs, and pay attention.” Al’s scolding brought me back, to reality. I grinned, sifting through the cue cards, again. “Come back, for a set of 13 and 39…shocker, dude, let me tell ya, on this one.” Al shook his head, like he was trying to rid it, of a bad thought. That wasn’t a good sign.

“Discuss thought on first?” I asked, figuring that I already knew this answer. His response came, as only a nod. This episode’s thought would be interesting…I didn’t even have an idea, for it, yet.

“ONE MINUTE!”

“There’s your cue, Carter. Make it good, use that…uh…face.” He broke out into chuckles, as he shoved me toward the stage. I straightened my shirt, and grabbed the mic that he was holding out. Stepping onto the stage, I waited for the countdown.

“Ready…in…3…2…1…” Kevin counted off, pointing to me. The lights flashed over me, the camera man gave me a thumbs up, and the crowd began to chant.

“Hello…and welcome…to the Nick Carter show!” I flashed my signature look, as I walked toward the audience. “Today’s first guest is 16 year old, Leah Haines. Come on out here, Leah.” Turning, to face the side, of the stage, and watched the young girl emerge.

“Hi Nick.” She smiled, at me, as she came to sit, in the middle, of the stage. She was a pretty little thing…looked like one of the high school’s most popular.

“Why are you here, today, Leah?” I sat next to her, crossing my legs, and turning, to face her.

“Well…um…it’s my mom.” She fiddled, with her fingers, looking up at the crowd. “It’s exactly like the show’s title…my mom dresses like a teenage prostitute.” The crowd gasped, their jaws dropping. I love it, when that happens…pure shock. You’d think they would be used to our crazy shows, but alas, they always seem surprised, by the topics.

“How does she dress? What does she wear, that makes it so bad?”

“She wears a lot of mini skirts and high heeled boots. Sometimes I find her wearing my clothes, but she, like, rips the sleeves off, or makes the skirts shorter. My friends don’t like going into public, with her, because she hardly wears anything.” She looked, very, upset, as she spoke about her mother’s choice, of dress. Taking a deep breath, she looked, over, at me.

“What would you like your mom, to be like?” Switching legs, I re-crossed them, and looked, to her. She was in jeans, and a normal t-shirt…it was a well fitted outfit, but didn’t reveal much, of anything. I was curious, to see, what her mother would walk out in.

“I, just, want her to be normal. Like a normal mother. She’s not a teenager, and she’s really embarrassing, to be around. I mean, I love my mom…but…she’s just…I don’t know. I want my mom…not trampy competition.”

“Competition?” She let out a sigh, when I prompted her, to elaborate, on her statement. It was important, to get full details, about her feelings, before bringing her mother out.

“Yeah. I feel like I am always in competition, with her. The guys at school ask me, all the time, why I won’t dress like my mom. They like to look, at her…and…I get blown off, a lot, because she’s so out there.” Sniffling, a little, she took a deep breath. I could tell that she was nervous.

“Aaaaaaw.” The crowd responded, evidently, feeling for her.

“Alright, well, are you ready to bring your mom out?”

“Yes.” She nodded, looking down, at her hands. I stood up, and walked across the stage, heading into the audience.

“Here’s Leah’s mom…come, on out…Cindy!” I held my hand out, toward the side entrance. The audience gasped, and my eyes widened, at the sight. The woman was tall, anorexic skinny, and barely dressed. Her make-up was caked on, so much, that she looked like a circus act, rather than a mother.

“Booooooo!” The crowd roared, as she strutted across the stage, lifting her, barely there, shirt. I could hear random comments, being shouted, as the woman held up her middle fingers.

“Shut up! FUCK YOU!” Her voice cracked, as she leaned toward the crowd, screaming. “You don’t know me! You don’t know me!”

“Alright…alright…” I motioned the audience, to sit down. I stood, in the aisle, as the woman took her seat, next to her daughter. Flipping her hair, she crossed her legs, and I could see just how high her heels were. How can women walk, in those things? “Leah, why don’t you tell your mom, what you told me?”

“Okay.” Turning, to face her mother, the young girl took a deep breath. “Mom…I love you, I really do…but, I’m tired of you dressing like this. It’s embarrassing and I’m sick of hearing the guys, at school, tease me because I don’t dress like that.”

“Whatever. I’ll dress however I want…I look hot, like this.” Pursing her lips, she bobbed her head. Honestly, I disagreed, with the statement. Like I said, she looked like a circus act, to me, but hey…whatever…it still made for a good show.

“Mom…”

“NO! If you don’t like how I dress, then you can go live with your father.” She held her hand up, in her daughter’s face, and the crowd reacted. I saw a young woman stand, on the other side, of the audience. I, quickly, made my way over, as the woman began to shout.

“How dare you tell your own daughter that? What kind of mother, are you? You should dress appropriately and set and example, for her!” The rest, of the crowd, shouted agreements, as I shifted the mic, towards another woman.

“She’s right! Your daughter needs you and you’re prancing around like a damn prostitute!” Waving her hands around, the woman scrunched her eyebrows, continuing to scream. “Are you insane? What the hell, is your problem?” I had to jump, out of the way, as Cindy lunged, off the stage, at the audience member.

“How dare you fucking talk to me, like that!” My eyes widened, as I stepped further away, letting security step in. The guest was swinging, aimlessly, at the other woman. It was amusing, to me, because she missed, every time.

“We’ll be right back…after this short break.” I grinned, into the camera, as Brian, and Bubba, pulled the women apart. Sprinting, up the stairs, I headed over, to where Al was waiting. “How eventful.” I chuckled, taking the fresh set, of cues, from Al.

“Tsh…you just wait, until this set. Anything on thought?”

“Nada. You?” I shrugged my shoulders, as I looked at the cards. Al was usually a big help, to me, figuring these things out. Overall, he’s one of my best friends, here, on the show. It was him, and Brian, that I was closest to. They’re both great guys, and I liked to hang out, with them.

“Shit, I ain’t got nothin’. You’re the talk show genius, remember?” He smirked, rolling his eyes. Damn, he wasn’t being much help, today. “Think more, we’ll discuss.” Looking around, he watched, for our cue. He nodded, once he got it, and then gave me a light push, toward the stage. “Come on Carter, kill it.”

“Right on, Al.” I gave him an upwards nod and took position in the middle, of the stage. I saw Kevin, looking from Al, to me.

“And we’re on in…3…2…1…” Pointing, at me, he nodded. I, immediately, flashed my signature, standing in front, of my guests. The crowd chanted, until I motioned for them to settle down.

“Our next guest is a 13 year old boy, who feels his mother is too trashy. Let’s welcome, to the show, Jason Lawrence.” The crowd clapped, as I moved to the side, of the stage. The boy walked, onto the stage, and sat next to the others.

“Hi.” He waved, shyly, at the audience.

“Welcome, to the show, Jason.” I smiled, taking a seat, in the front row. There was always one seat, left open, just for me. Crossing my left arm, over my chest, my hand rested on my other arm, which held my mic. I looked up, at him, and continued. “Tell us what’s been going on, with your mom.”

“She’s a slut!” Okay, wow, he went from being shy, to being blunt, awfully quick! I blinked, a few times, not sure if I hear him right. He just shrugged his shoulders, and stared at me.

“Would you like to…elaborate?” I asked, lifting a brow. Wasn’t he coached, on how he was supposed to answer me? Great job, crew…real nice.

“My mom is embarrassing. No one should dress like her. She wears really skimpy clothes, and she’s not cut out to do that. It’s gross, and sure, I love my mom, but…she needs to put clothes on!” His eyes were wide, as he described the situation, in a bit more detail. I guess, for the full story, we had to bring her out.

“Alright. Let’s bring out your mom…here she is, Jason’s mom, Laura. Come on out, Laura.” I stood up, slowly, heading to the stage. I had one foot on the step, when I caught a glimpse, of the woman. Good God! I turned, right back, around, closing my eyes. DAMN!

“BOOOOOOOOO!” The audience got to their feet, protesting against the woman, who now stood front, and center, screaming back, at them. My mic in the hand, by my side, I covered my mouth, with the other hand. Okay, seriously…did anyone have a barf bag?

“SCREW YOU! This is sexy!!” Let me tell you, ‘sexy’ was the last word I would use, to describe this woman. She was in a little read, leather, mini skirt and a read, shimmery, bikini type top. That wasn’t the disturbing part…the reason I could barely look at her, was because she had to be nearing 350 pounds! How did she even get those clothes on? I had to side with Jason…she needed a pair of sweats and a huge t-shirt!

“Mom…sit down, you’re embarrassing me!” Jason pleaded, touching her arm. She pulled away, continuing to yell, at the audience, who just screamed back. Obscenities were flying, in every direction…the sound crew would be working overtime, to *bleep* it all out.

“Laura…Laura…” I walked, back, toward the stage. She finally sat down, next to her son, still cussing, at the audience. “Your son is telling you that he’s embarrassed, by the way you dress. Don’t you care, about how he’s feeling?”

“Well, of course, I care, but this is who I am and he needs to accept that.” Her large arms crossed, over her sagging bust. Did I mention how hard it was, to look at the woman, without my gag reflex kicking in? I made way, over to a guy, who had his hand in the air.

“What do you have to say, about this?” I held the mic, so that he could talk, into it.

“You’re, both, dumb bitches and neither of you even look good.” I couldn’t help, but smirk. The guy had a good point! The two women didn’t think so, though, and they were on their feet, screaming again.

“He’s right about you…you’re a fucking cow!” Cindy rested a hand, on her hip, flipping her hair, again. Obviously, this sparked another fight. This time, it was two guests, open handedly smacking each other. I rolled my eyes, as the security team came out, to restore order.

“You’re a stupid whore! Get off me!” Laura tugged at Cindy’s hair, as the women rolled on the floor. Brian was trying to drag Laura away, and ended up on the floor, too. The brawl intensified, as the kids tried to defend their mothers. I let out a sigh, turning back, to the audience.

“Ni…ick! Ni…ick! Ni…ick!” Chants rang out, through the set, as the audience stood, to their feet. Hands waved in the air, voices shouted, and the guests continued their brawl.

“God, fucking get off me, you fucking fat ass bitch!” Cindy’s obscenities rang out, over the chants. The audience chanted louder, as Laura picked up a chair, ready to throw it. Bubba stepped in, taking the chair away, from her. Taking a swing, she hit him, square, in the nose and drew blood.

“Enough…take a break!” Brian’s voice caught my ear. I looked, from Bubba, to him, catching the look. I knew this coding, very, well…that phrase…that look. Turning toward the camera, the camera tech focused in, on me.

“We’re going to pay a few bills…watch these commercials, and we’ll be right back.” I gave the camera a lopsided grin, and turned back, to face the stage. “ENOUGH! Everyone get in their chairs! Bubba, you alright, man?”

“I think she broke his nose.” Brian shook his head, helping Bubba off the stage. It was a rare thing, for a security member, to get severely hurt. I walked, toward the side, of the stage, but turned, back, to my guests.

“Now y’all just chill, for a few. We’ll be back…don’t kill each other, a’ight?” I rolled my eyes, and headed off stage. Making my way over, to the group, I stood next to Al. “Is it broke?”

“Tuh…yeah. Howard’s gonna drive him, to the ER. So we’re down an SG and D.” Al rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “We’ve still got one set.”

“Nice…like this episode could get any worse.” I was a good thing that it’s one of those ‘Previously taped, in front of a live audience’ type shows. If we were live, this would really throw a wrench, in things. Someone mentioned taking the guests, back, into the green rooms, so everyone could re-group.

“Everyone take 20.” Kevin weaved, through the crowd, making everyone disperse. Howard led Bubba out, and everyone went their separate ways, for the break. After making sure that Howard and Bubba got out okay, I headed to my dressing room. I’d just sit, and chill, until they were ready, to resume taping.

I didn’t use it very often, because I never showed up early enough, to warrant its use. The girls just got me dressed, as I walked to the set. That’s, exactly, how I liked it. I don’t, ever, have to do anything, for myself, unless I want to. I’m rich…I’m famous…and I get what I want, when I want it. It’s damn good, to be me!