“Damn it!” I threw down the pencil on the drawing table and took a step back. I had been working all morning on a floor plan and it just wasn’t coming together. I stared at the drawings from a distance, trying to think of a solution to the problem. I hated having to rush ideas onto paper when I was under pressure to meet a deadline, but as an Interior Designer I met deadlines all the time for clients. I took off my glasses and turned towards the windows, wishing that I were outside enjoying the sunshine and the cool autumn breeze. Fall is my favorite time of year. I love watching the trees change their leaves. It was barely the start of September and the colors were already beginning their process.

“I need that proposal in my office by the end of today.” I turned around at the voice that interrupted my thoughts.

“Yes Dave, I’m finishing it up right now.” Dave Callaghan was the lead architect of Callaghan and Associates, one of the top leading midwestern architecture firms specializing in sustainable design. He was also the man who helped me get my start as a commercial Interior Designer.

“Good. Just make sure to-.”

“To print extra copies for your scribbles you call editing,” I smiled, “I know Dave. This isn’t the first project we’ve worked on together.”

“I am aware of that,” Dave chuckled, “We just have to make sure we are on top of our game with this one. We can’t afford to have any mistakes during the presentation Friday morning.”

“Everything will be taken care of. You can trust me.” Dave nodded as he stepped out of the doorway. I sighed and turned around to look back at the trees. I could just imagine my boys playing outside at recess. Laughing, running around with their friends, getting dirt on their clothes. I picked up their picture from the bookcase and couldn’t help but smile. They were my pride and joy. Eric was 6, Damon just turned 4 and yet they looked more and more like their father every day. Eric especially. Who would of thought that there would be another carter look alike in the family? I placed the picture down and walked back to the drawing table to look at the plans some more; I knew I needed some help.

I hit the intercom on the phone, “Jenni, will you come in here please? I need an extra set of eyes.” I released the button and placed my glasses back on. I only used them for work; it was difficult to view detailed floor plans without them. A couple seconds later Jenni walked in.

“Yes Renee.” She walked in the office, petite with bouncy red hair. Jenni had been my assistant for 2 years; we had worked on various projects together while she completed her bachelor’s degree in interior design. You could say I was preparing her for my job someday.

“Take a look at these plans and tell me what you see.” I pointed at the plans lying on the table. Jenni walked over to them and started examining. After a while she spoke, “Well, your wall section isn’t matching up right. Do you mind?” Jenni asked. Knowing that she was referring to the west wall, I nodded and gave Jenni the right away to make some changes. She picked up the pencil and started sketching quickly. I looked over her shoulder and watched her work. Jenni was great at picking up on details that I had trouble with. She set down the pencil when she was finished.

“There. You just needed to carry over the line to complete the wall,” She made it sound so simple, “That stone is going to be a great feature for the exhibit at the art gallery.”

“If it doesn’t get rejected. I hear this client is very particular.” I commented.

“Dave have you under a lot stress, huh?”

“Yes. But with good reason,” I paused. “This client is going to give us lots of recognition.” I looked over her changes again and cursed myself for not seeing the mistake. It wasn’t the first time that I’ve worked on a large construction project, but it was the first time working with a major client on a LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) certified project that would give us more than statewide recognition. Needless to say, I was nervous as hell. I gathered up the papers that needed to be copied and handed them to Jenni.

“Take these to the printers and get back with me as soon as possible.” I watched her walk out of the office and knew that the rest of the week would be hectic.

“Mommy, mommy!” Damon yelled with excitement as he ran towards me with Pepper, our Jack Russell Terrier, following from behind. I had just arrived home and hadn’t even had the chance to set down my design portfolios, full of the prints that Dave returned to me, before he reached me. They fell to the floor as I met him with a hug, “Hi Damon!”

“Did you miss me mommy?” He looked up at me with his big beautiful green eyes and his messy brown hair that he inherited from me; he looked so sweet it made my heart melt.

“Of course I did. I miss you every day.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek before he ran away with Pepper by his side again. Got to love short attention spans, just like his father sometimes. I picked up the prints and headed to my office to protect them from the boys with their sticky fingers or their drinks that accidentally spilled on the papers they weren’t suppose to touch. I opened them up on the drawing table, dreading the idea of having to come in here later and work when I’d rather be with my family. I locked the door behind me as I exited the room.

“Hey babe.” Nick smiled as he walked by wearing a pair of sweats and carrying a basket of laundry, which appeared to be the boys’ clothing. He continued down the hall towards the boys who were yelling while they played. Rough housing I’m sure by the look of Damon’s hair.

“Hey! Eric, don’t lay on your brother!” I heard Nick yell. Yep, rough housing. I sighed; Eric was only 2 years older, yet he was almost twice the size of Damon. I hated them playing rough, but knowing that I couldn’t do much about it, I headed upstairs to change my clothes. I passed the boy’s bedrooms along the way, and stopped to view the damage. Nothing too unusual, just unmade beds, toys on the floor, clothes not placed in their hampers, except for Damon’s room. He was just learning how to clean at preschool and do chores at home. We tried to get Eric to join in to show Damon that his big brother cleans too, but that didn’t quite work out like we’d hoped it would. I blame myself for not encouraging Eric to clean more when he was Damon’s age, but with caring for 2 boys (sometimes 3 if you include Nick), juggling work, and recovering from a kidney surgery, it wasn’t always a priority.

Once I stepped into the bedroom, I quickly realized how exhausted I was. All of the extra stress at work was catching up with me and I wanted nothing more than to lie down in our bed and not leave till the weekend. I rubbed my lower back, around the area of the scar; although I no longer felt any discomfort from the surgery since it occurred 2 years ago, I still rubbed it out of habit when my body ached. Against my every desire, I removed my blouse and dragged myself into the closet to undress. Wearing nothing more than a black lacy bra, black pencil skirt and red high heels, I rummaged through my clothes trying to find something comfortable to throw on. I placed my hands on my hips, annoyed that I couldn’t find my favorite t-shirt. “Where could it be?” I asked not expecting a response.

“This wouldn’t be what you are looking for would it?” I turned and saw Nick standing in the doorway with a smug look on his face, proud of himself that he found my t-shirt.

“Yes, it is,” I walked towards him and went to reach for it, but Nick put it behind his back instead, “Nick, can you give it to me?” I asked with little patience. I was in no mood for any of his games.

“I think I like this little number you’re wearing better.” He scanned my body from head to toe before wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me in for my proper welcome home kiss. I knew I was doomed the instant his lips touched mine. They were so soft and tender as they graced my skin; I couldn’t help but respond back to his touch with the same gentleness. I began to run my fingers through his hair, pulling his head in closer just as our tongues entwined in a more passionate kiss. The t-shirt fell from his hands as they wandered down my back, following my every curve before landing on my hips, drawing them closer to his. He moaned upon contact making his arousal known. Every inch of my body wanted more, however I knew I had to fight every urge and pull myself away if I were going to stay on task for the day. He mumbled something incoherent as I parted from his embrace.

“It’s about time Carter, I was beginning to think the laundry was more important to you than I was.” I joked as I snatched the t-shirt from the floor and walked back into the closet to finish dressing.

“Don’t Carter me. I can’t kiss you and hold the laundry basket at the same time, it’s just a sacrifice you’ll have to make if you want me to clean around here.” He said as he leaned against the door adjusting his sweats.

I shook my head in astonishment as I kicked off my shoes, and placed the t-shirt over my head, letting my brunette hair fall down on to it. I could never really understand what was running through his head, and although I was use to the randomness of his thoughts, this one caught me off guard. I continued to ignore his remarks and slipped out of the skirt and into a pair of jeans.

“I take it you have to work tonight?” Nick asked dryly.

“Yeah, Dave has me on a tight leash. He wants me to get all of the plans ready for Friday’s presentation, which means that I have to have every plan drawn, rendered, copied, and matted for display in 3 days, not to mention that he expects me to run everything by him, which is why I was 40 minutes late tonight.

“I don’t know how I am suppose to have these done quickly when he can’t even get them in to me on time. Not to mention that if the presentation goes well, the client still has 3 other proposals to listen to. So I may be working my ass off for nothing.” I walked out of the closet and laid down on the bed, at least I was giving into one of my desires today.

“I don’t think Dave would be having you work as hard if he didn’t think you guys had a chance of taking on the project.” Nick followed me over to the bed and sat down beside me.

“Yeah, but I have to make them come to life. Visuals are the main selling point during presentations. If I can’t make them shine, then we don’t have shit.”

“I don’t understand why you are so upset, it doesn’t sound like anything you haven’t done before. Besides your drawings are great, they’re definitely better than anything I could do.” Nick chuckled; I could tell he was trying to lighten the air.

“You know why I’m stressed. This project is very important. There is the possibility of having the highest LEED certification when completed, plus all the economic growth that’s going to come from having this performing arts center downtown, not to mention the rebuilding of the theatre that hasn’t been up to code for 25 years…”

“Shut up,” Nick placed his hand over my mouth stopping me from my ranting, “You’re going to be great, like you always are.” He removed his hand after I became silent and gave me another kiss before speaking again.

“Would you like to know what I’ve done today? Yes, Nick I would love to know how your day was. Oh you would? Well, I’ve done laundry, picked up the kids from school, fought to keep them off of each other, and got turned down by my girl who would normally enjoy a quickie in the closet.” Nick pretended to carry a conversation with himself.

“Sorry Nick. I’ve had an exhausting day. I’ll try to let you feel up my skirt next time.” I grinned.

“That’s all I ask.”

Nick jerked awake; the buzzing from the alarm startling him from his sound sleep. He grudgingly rolled over to shut off the alarm, wishing it wasn’t morning yet. He was exhausted, although it was a feeling he was all too familiar with from his years singing with the group, it had a completely new meaning now with taking care of kids. His kids. The idea still shocks him every now and again, even though he can’t imagine his life without them. Nick exhaled loudly as he stretched his legs underneath the sheets; he had to get out of bed and round the boys up for school. He had taken care of them all week and kept them out of Renee’s way so that she could prepare for her meeting today. He had traded his career for the chance of having a family when he fell for Renee and saw what his future could be.

Through his career with the Backstreet Boys he had his fair share of women, but after his widely public relationship failed along with many other relationships he thought he had with women who genuinely cared for him, he knew he needed to find a different breed of woman. From the moment Nick saw Renee, he knew she was the real deal; she was the first girl he met who turned him down before he had the chance to make a move. He was use to picking up girls pretty easily, they would throw themselves at him, hang on his every word and follow his lead; maybe it was his cockiness that made him think he stood a chance with her. Once he approached her, he knew from her lack of interest that she would completely look past his celebrity life and see him as an average person.

He was in Chicago with the Backstreet Boys, promoting their new album and upcoming tour, when he and A.J. decided to go out downtown for the night while the others stayed in; they were by the way the only two single. He was instantly attracted to her when he saw her ordering a martini from the bar, her long brunette hair flowed along her back, leading his eye down to the curves of her body accentuated by her tight fitting jeans, but it was her smile that made him go weak. He knew he had to get close to her; he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her even though there was a petite blonde flirting with him and A.J. He excused himself from the booth to say hi.

“That’ll be seven dollars.” The bartender told Renee as he handed her the Manhattan she ordered. As she reached for her cash, Nick walked up and offered to pay.

“Oh no. Let me.” He reached for his wallet and gave the man a twenty.

“Thanks, but that was not necessary.” Renee turned to look at him, trying to be polite when she clearly didn’t want to be.

“A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t be buying herself a drink on a Friday night.” Nick worked his Carter charm the best he could.

“As much as I appreciate the gesture, I hope you don’t mind if I rejoin my party, I’m not from here so I probably won’t see you again.” Renee put her money back in her pocket and took a drink.

“Well, you’re in luck, cuz I’m not a local. I’m just in town for the week.”

“That makes two of us then,” Renee took another drink from her glass before saying goodbye, “Thanks again.” She walked away leaving Nick stunned. He usually got a better reaction than that from a girl. He was confused, and looked back at A.J. sitting in the booth chatting with two girls now whom he was sure were groupies. Nick caught his expression, and knew he had to rejoin him, and save him from their conversation. As he seated, the girls reluctantly got up without them to dance after A.J. refused to join them.

“Who was that girl you were talking with?” A.J. asked Nick.

“I don’t know.” And he truly didn’t. He wanted to know who she was, but she didn’t even give him a chance to ask for her name.

“You don’t know? Is Nicky loosing his charm?” A.J. chuckled. Nick scowled at him in return.

“I’m offended J. I’ll get her name.” Nick took a drink from his glass, and watched the mysterious woman laugh with her friends, or so he assumed. She was seated at a counterheighth table next to 3 men and another woman. Nick didn’t understand why none of these men were acting like they were interested in her. Where they blind? Was Nick the only one who saw how amazingly beautiful she was? He had to find out her name. Someway, he would.

Putting the past on hold, Nick rolled over to take a look at Renee, but discovered she was not lying next to him. He rolled his eyes, and knew he had to wake up before she came back to give him hell. He threw the sheets back off of his body, revealing his 6’ frame clothed in a light gray athletic shirt, exposing his tattoos along his shoulders. He reached up to stretch his arms just as Renee walked in.

"You're not out of bed yet Nick?" Renee walked into the bedroom wearing gray dress slacks paired with a black camisole covered up with a 3-quarter length cream colored cardigan. She was dressed for her meeting except her hair and make-up still needed attention. "I can't be late today, hurry up." She continued into the bathroom to finish curling her hair.

"I would have been had you walked in a minute later." Nick grumbled as he followed her into the bathroom. He stepped into his personal water closet and left the door open as he used the toilet.

Meanwhile, Renee grabbed another piece of hair and wrapped it around the 1" curling iron, creating long flowy curls. Any other day she would have her hair pulled up, but today, she wanted to look perfect.

"You put more time into your hair for work than you do for me." Nick whined as he flushed the toilet and walked up behind her, looking at her through the mirror.

"You don't pay." Renee joked with a smile, her eyes gleaming at him.

"Sure doesn't stop you from using my money." Nick responded. Renee set the curling iron down and turned around to face Nick.

"And I love it too." She stepped closer and gave him a kiss. "Now, get the boys ready for school. They've already ate, and their lunches are made, but Eric won't get dressed without you." She turned back around and started applying her makeup.

"That’s because us Carter men have to look good. And he knows you can't help him with that." Nick smirked.

"You are full of shit," Renee laughed for a moment, then returned back to her original tone, "Now hurry up. I'm going to leave after I'm done with this."

"You don't need it babe," Nick walked closer and placed his arms around her waist, holding her tight, "It'll sweat off later tonight anyway." He started kissing her neck, teasing her just a little.

"Well, you'll have to wait till later. If our proposal gets accepted Dave is throwing a party for us downtown, plus the boys have that sleepover tonight, you need to remember to get that birthday gift today for the Pearson boy."

"Damn," Nick stopped caressing her neck, and released his hold on Renee. "I completely forgot about that. I scheduled a phone conference with the execs today."

Renee finished her mascara, "You'll have to figure it out. Don't forget the boys' bags either. They're in the closets, oh and their sleeping bags."

"Shit, why do the boys need so much stuff? I swear our girls will have less belongings."

"Our girls? Oh Nick, you are day dreaming." Renee rolled her eyes.

"We're due for a girl any day now."

"Really? That’s news to me." Renee placed her make-up back into the box sitting on the counter and shook her head at Nick's comment.

“I’m just saying our next kid should be a girl.”

“Well, tell me how that works out for you. I’ll see you later.” Renee kissed Nick one more time before leaving for the day.

“Good luck with the pre-sen-tation,” Nick swatted her butt as she walked towards the bedroom door.

“Carter!” Renee turned around and glared at him.

“Love ya babe!” He just smiled back at her, appearing to be innocent. Renee shook her head again, and blew him a kiss as she exited the bedroom and walked out of the house.

“Dad!” Nick heard Eric yell from down the hall. He had forgotten Eric needed help getting dressed.

“Coming little man!” Nick yelled back, stepping into the closet to get dressed quickly. He threw on a pair of dark washed jeans with a pink and white polo. He grabbed a pair of white sneakers, carrying them down the hall to Eric’s room.

“K, Eric, lets make this quick. We’re running short on time…”

I arrived at the office ahead of schedule. I was so worried about being on time, that I hardly gave Nick any attention this morning. Sure we chatted long enough to share the plans for the day, but I always wanted more time with him, we were always doing something that kept us apart, at least intimately. I hated having to put a stop to his affections and advances when his touch always made my heart weaken. However, I knew I was going to survive the day knowing that we had the house to ourselves tonight.

I stepped off the elevator and onto the 5th floor of the building and said hi to Cathy, the receptionist that I have known and grown to love over the years. She was standing behind the desk, her short blonde hair stuck behind her ears exposing her bifocal glasses. Although Cathy was in her upper thirties, she had terrible eyesight.

“Good Morning Renee. Isn’t it beautiful today?” She greeted me with a warm smile. I couldn’t believe she was this happy on the day of a proposal.

“Hi Cathy. Aren’t we especially cheerful?” I greeted her back, as I stopped at the desk on the way to my office.

“Is it that obvious? I thought if I hid my nervousness with fake happiness I’d get through the morning better.”

“Why do you say that? What are you nervous about?” I asked, it wasn’t too unusual to see Cathy bright and cheery in the morning, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer.

“Dave’s already here with the potential client.” Cathy responded. I could see the weariness in her expression as she spoke.

“Here? Now? No, the meeting isn’t scheduled till nine thirty. What is he doing here early?” I panicked. I was not expecting those words to come out of her mouth. The meeting was a good hour away, just long enough for me to set up the conference room with the displays and prep with the other team members before we gave our presentation.

“I’m not sure Renee. I came in this morning and he was already here waiting for Dave. He’s with him now, giving him a tour of the building.” Cathy picked up a stack of mail and started sorting them into separate piles.

“No, this is not good. I’m not ready to meet him yet. I haven’t even been to my office, yet alone clock in for the day. No, this is not good.” I could feel my blood pressure rise. I had been stressed all week about today, and now he was here early?

“It will be ok Renee. You’ll be a pro, like always.” Cathy smiled as she handed me my stack of mail.

“Thanks Cathy, you really are pulling out your best material this morning.” I responded dryly.

“Ah, see it’s working already. I have you making jokes.” Cathy chuckled. She finished sorting the mail and placed them on the cart she used to deliver mail to all the offices.

“Hi Renee. Did you hear the news this morning?” Jenni walked up to the desk and joined in the conversation.

“Oh yes. I’ve heard the client is here early.” I turned and looked at Jenni. She was as perky as ever today. Normally I liked her enthusiasm, but it seemed to irritate me this morning.

“Yes he is, but I was referring to the time of the meeting. Its been pushed up to nine.” She stated matter of factly.

“What?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. That just barely gave me enough time to set up, yet alone prep for the meeting.

“Oh, you didn’t hear. Sorry to break it to you.” Jenni smiled wearily. I couldn’t help but think that everyone else was prepared for this meeting but me. And why did Jenni know before I did? It wasn’t her meeting today.

“Well, I guess I better get a move on. Catch you girls for lunch.” I stepped away from the desk and headed towards my office. I needed to sit down, and do it quickly before my heart was going to explode. I could hear Jenni behind me, her heels clacking on the tile flooring with every step she took. I was already annoyed at her for knowing about the time change; the last thing I wanted was for her to follow me. I had to think of something to get her away from me.

“Jenni?” I stopped just outside my door, my portfolio in my hands, “Could you set up the conference room with the easels, and set the drawings on them? I have them placed in order of how I want them displayed. It would help me out a great deal this morning.” I smiled, trying to act like I wasn’t annoyed of her.

“Sure, Renee. I was just going to ask if there was anything you needed,” she took the portfolio from my hands, “I can’t wait to see the drawings, I’m sure they look great!”

“Well, thanks to your help with the art exhibit, they do! I really appreciate you helping me out Jen.” I smiled and watched her walk down the hallway and turn the corner to the conference room. I sighed as I unlocked the door to my office. I couldn’t believe the change of events this morning; I didn’t want to have to rush through my preparation, not that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off, it just threw off my routine. As if I wasn’t nervous enough about meeting the client. I shut my door and sat down at my desk, ready for some quiet to regroup my thoughts.

“Renee, you have a phone call on line one.” Cathy chimed in over the intercom. Damn! I could not catch a break.

“Renee Carter speaking.” I answered the phone, dreading a response. I was not in the mood for any more complications this morning.

“Mmm, I can never get tired of hearing that.” The voice on the line spoke in a low sexy tone. I shook my head, and laughed a little before responding,

“Nick, what are you doing?”

“I was just thinking about tonight. Can’t wait to have you to myself.” I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t believe he was interrupting me to talk about sex, as if I didn’t know it was on his mind this morning in the bathroom.

“Did you really have to call and tell me that? You know how busy I am.”

“I’m sorry. I love you, can I not express that?”

“No, its just I was thrown some curve balls this morning.” I turned the chair around, and looked outside the window.

“Well, you’ll have to hit ‘em out of the park, babe.” I laughed. He did have a strange way of making me laugh when I was stressed. I finally broke down and told him what he wanted to hear.

“I can’t wait till later too. It’s the only thing getting me through today.”

“Aww, babe. Don’t make me cry.”

“You are a strange, strange man Carter.”

“And yet you stick around.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me why I shouldn’t.” I turned the chair back around and faced the front wall of my office.

“Ouch! That hurt, cut me right in the heart.” Nick chuckled.

“Alright, I’ll see you later.” I tried to end the conversation, knowing that if I didn’t Nick would carry on.

“Love you babe. I’ll be thinking about you all day.”

“Yeah, you too.” I placed the phone back on the receiver, and couldn’t help but feel more relaxed. I looked over at the photo of my family and smiled. How could I be so lucky? What did I do to deserve Nick and our two beautiful, healthy boys? I wasn’t anything special. I grew up in the Midwest, had a typical catholic upbringing, and attended private schools for as long as I could remember. I had loved and lost a few men before Nick came into my life. I wasn’t looking to date; yet alone marry a celebrity when we ran into each other that night. And now we’ve had 7 years together, who knew how many more to come, or children for that matter.

I straightened my clothes and fluffed my hair before stepping out of the office. As I reached the door, I took a deep breath; I knew the biggest project of my professional career was ahead of me. As I stepped into the hallway I saw Dave escorting a man whom I knew was the client. Immediately my nerves settled down to my stomach, I was taken back by the presence of this man. I couldn’t pinpoint where the feeling was coming from, but it was too strong to ignore. It was almost like deja vue, but I knew I’d never met him before. I shook it off and approached them.

“Good Morning Dave, I hope I’m not interrupting.” I politely smiled as I stopped next to him.

“Well, good morning Renee! We were just headed to your office, Cathy said you were in,” Dave smiled so largely I knew he was trying to impress the client, “I’d like for you to meet Marc Ayres.”

“Good morning Mr. Ayres, its nice to meet you.” I reached out my hand and he accepted. He smiled as he took hold of my hand and shook it gently, yet firmly.

“Its great to finally meet you too, but please call me Marc.”

Nick smiled largely as he placed his cell phone on the passenger seat. He loved catching Renee off guard. He knew calling her would interrupt her day, but he didn’t care; watching the boys run up to their private school with their friends, made him want to hear her voice. He didn’t get to see much of her nowadays. She was always working, and he had become a full time father. Ever since he left the Backstreet Boys to raise his children and be with his family, Renee had put more focus into her work. Not that Nick minded, he had encouraged her to become more involved once she had recovered from her surgery and Damon was old enough that he didn’t need constant attention from her; he just longed for more time with her.

Nick sat in the booth, watching her every move. He knew he should have been more subtle, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. He took another drink and sat the glass on the table.

“Gee Nick. Go over there and ask for her name already.” A.J. yelled over the music that picked up as the crowd grew.

“I will. I’m just trying to figure out my next move.”

“Looks like you are a perv staring at her in a bar. Trust me that won’t get you laid.”

Nick looked at A.J. stunned. “Why do you assume that’s what I’m thinking? Why can’t I just want to get to know her?”

“We don’t get to know girls in our business Nick. Sure we meet a lot of them, but we don’t get to know them. Why do you think we’re still single?”

“Then how do you explain Brian and Kevin’s marriages and Howie’s girlfriend?”

Nick raised his eyebrows in A.J.’s direction. He couldn’t wait for his response. He loved putting A.J. in his place.

A.J. rolled his eyes in response, “Just go talk to her already. You’re making me sick.”

Nick smiled and playfully hit A.J. in the shoulder as he exited the booth. His nerves grew with each step he took. He watched as she tossed her hair while she laughed with her friends. She took another drink as he came up beside her and spoke in her ear.

“I didn’t mean to offend you earlier, I just knew I had to meet you.”

He stood close to her, his arms resting on the table. Her body became still. He knew he had surprised her and instantly became nervous. He hoped he hadn’t scared her; the last thing he wanted to do was push her away. His heart raced as he waited for her response. She finally turned her head over her shoulder to look at him, still holding her drink. When their eyes met, he could feel her presence overwhelming his body. Instantly her cheeks grew red and she turned her head away. Nick assumed her blushing, although he thought it was cute, embarrassed her. He watched her finish her drink, and chuckled inside. He knew he was making her
uncomfortable.

“You look like you could use another, I’ll be back.” Nick leaned in and spoke again before stepping away. He approached the bar, and ordered another cocktail. As he turned away, he could see her leaning across the table, talking with the blonde haired girl. He could tell by her friends’ wide-eyed expression that they were talking about him. As always the conversation stopped when he reached the table.

“You really shouldn’t assume that a girl couldn’t afford her own drink,” Renee said as she took the drink from his hands, “Or that I would want another.”

“Well, you finished that one so quickly I thought you’d need something to follow it with, since I plan on making you uncomfortable all night.” Nick smiled. He wasn’t about to let her display of affection get away unnoticed.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but that won’t be happening. I don’t know what you have in mind here, but I’m not interested.”

“You always so quick to turn a man away when all he wants is to know your name so he can ask you to dance?” He countered back. He loved how quick she was to resist him.

She took a drink, and looked at him. He could feel the hesitation in her body language. She was too quiet, like she was debating her next move. He wondered what she would have to think about, why she would be so hesitant to flirt with him. Had she been hurt before, like he had? Had she just gotten out of a relationship that didn’t end well? Or was she really not interested like she had said earlier? Just when he thought he might not find out, she spoke.

“It’s Renee.” She shied away, again.

“Nice to meet you Renee,” he paused before continuing, “That’s a beautiful name.” He winked; he knew he had to be sweet with her.

“Well, it’s definitely better than yours.”

“Oh, you do know who I am? Here I was thinking you were treating me like every other guy you meet.”

“Oh, no. I am. You’re not any different than them, Nick.” There it was, the truth. She had been hurt before. He didn’t know whether to be sad, or glad to hear her say his name.

“So, are you going to ask me to dance? Or was that just a ploy to get me to tell you my name?”

“It worked didn’t it?” Nick chuckled, “Would you like to dance?”

“Eh, maybe later. I don’t want to show you up.” She teased.

“You think you can take me? I’ve got to see this.” Nick reached for her hand and waited for her to stand up. He led her through the crowd, through their stares and gossip. He wasn’t new to watching people stare; it was the life he was use to, he just hoped she wasn’t uncomfortable, although a part of him knew she would be. He stopped in the center of the floor, lights flashing, music still pouring through the speakers. He pulled her close as he started to move to the music. She was slow to respond, but eventually they were dancing as a pair. Moving together, responding to each other’s advances. He was taking in everything about her as she moved. He breathed in her perfume when her hair swayed; he felt the chills run through his body, as her arms would grace his. He was completely mesmerized by her when she took control. She turned her body towards his, their eyes connected as she moved against his tall frame. He could feel the blood rush through his veins, his body temperature rising each time her hips moved against his. He wished that the night wouldn’t end.

They continued dancing through several songs, oblivious to everyone around them. When she finally slowed down, Nick wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her from behind. She leaned into him, fully letting her guard down, resting her head against his chest. Nick felt her breath slowing down as his hand traveled down onto her leg and back up her hip. He was surprised she was allowing him to touch her so intimately, yet he couldn’t believe how good it felt to hold her. It had been awhile since he touched a woman, and at that moment he did not want to let her go. However, she did slip out of his grasp and headed back through the crowd towards her table. Nick wondered if he had gone too far, if he had touched her inappropriately. He followed after her and stopped to see her notice that her friends had left her behind.

“Where did your friends go?” He watched her, as she grew upset that they were gone. He kind of felt bad for her, here she was in a large city and her friends left her to hang out with him.

“They’re not my friends. They’re my colleagues.” She mouthed shit as she placed a hand on her hip. It was official; he did feel bad. Her colleagues? Fuck! She was in town on business. Who knew what kind of trouble he had gotten her into?

“Do you know where they went?” Nick sensed that he had asked a stupid question once the words left his mouth.

“Probably to the hotel. We have speakers to listen to in the morning.” She ran her fingers through her hair; he couldn’t help but think she was beautiful, even at that moment. “Shit! She has my key.”

Okay, maybe now it was official. He did feel bad. Not only did he take her away from her coworkers, but he also kept her away from her room for the evening.

“Do you need a ride? I can take you to your hotel. Maybe you’re friend is still awake.”

She looked at him and apologized, “I’m sorry. This doesn’t need to be anything for you to worry about. I can handle it.” He could tell she was putting her wall up again. He wasn’t about to let her get away so easily after the night they just shared.

“No, please. Let me take you to your hotel, it’s the least I could do.”

Nick rode silently besides Renee in the car, watching her while she gazed out at the buildings as they passed by. He knew she could have taken a cab, but he didn’t like the thought of her being alone in the city. He wasn’t sure if he felt protective of her or just guilty for separating her from her friends. He had noticed a change in her mood once they left the bar. Out of respect, he kept quiet, even though silence made him nervous when people surrounded him.

“Sorry you couldn’t get a hold of your friend.” Nick finally spoke.

She turned her head, “Its ok. Luckily we are staying at the same hotel.”

The lack of excitement in her tone stung him and instantly raised his guilt level. “We can probably get the clerk to give you another key?” He suggested. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Yea, but then I wouldn’t be sleeping in your room.” Her response surprised him, yet he expected nothing less. Everything about her was new to him. He wasn’t use to such a challenge. Sure he thought about asking her up, but he didn’t want to give her the wrong impression.

“You wouldn’t like my room anyway.” He teased, trying to loosen the tension between them. He sensed she could feel it too.

“I guess you’re right, I bet the top floor suite is always a drag compared to standard rooms.” She chuckled. Nick cracked a smile, relieved at the sign of her laughter and the sight of the hotel up ahead.

Once the car came to a stop, Nick stepped out to open the door for her. He caught her arm as she stumbled up from her seat. At that moment he was thankful there were no fans waiting outside. He didn’t want his actions spread around about this. He was tired of the media thinking he was a womanizer just because he was photographed with a couple different women. Nick wrapped his arm around her and led her through the lobby, the effects of the alcohol becoming evident as they headed towards the elevators.

“That was embarrassing.” She commented.

“What was?” Nick asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Tripping out of the car like a drunk girl.”

“You held onto me through the entire lobby, and the car was embarrassing?”

She playfully hit his side, “Don’t make fun of the intoxicated. Maybe I just wanted to touch you.”

The elevator chimed when it stopped at the top floor. Nick peered out making sure the others weren’t walking around. Everything seemed quiet. He sighed a breath of relief as they stepped out, and he led her to his room. Once he opened the door she didn’t hesitate to kick off her shoes, making herself more comfortable. Nick chuckled as she walked around barefoot in his suite.

“Wow! Look at the view!” She exclaimed, clearly another reaction from the alcohol, as she peered out the window overlooking the city. “You can see Lake Michigan in the distance.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder while he walked up beside her.

“Yeah, I like to request rooms with views of the water, although I prefer views of the ocean. Reminds me of home.”

“Well, all bodies of water can’t be oceans.” Renee laughed, and then resumed her composure. “Water scares me.” She turned away and took up a seat on the sofa, covering herself with a blanket.

“What?! You were just in awe of seeing the lake.” Again he was confused.

“I was excited about the view, not the lake. Not when your only memory of being in one is that of almost drowning."

“Well, I’ll have to take you out and show you its safe.” He said, joining her on the sofa.

“Because you’ll be by my side? No, thank you. I keep my feet on land.”

“And yet, I assume you flew here?” She scowled at his remark. He enjoyed this side of her; it reminded him of her banter at the bar.

“Well, it still doesn’t involve water.”

“I’ll give you that much. But, one day I will show you different.”

“Oh, you will? What makes you think I’ll see you after tonight?” Renee turned towards him, her arms crossed. Suddenly, Nick felt cornered. He hadn’t really thought his comment through, and didn’t know what to say.

“Uh…” he trailed off. She laughed and loosened up her arms.

“You’re not very good with comebacks Carter.”

“Not when I’m up against a pretty girl.”

“Hmm.” She looked at him longingly before moving closer to him. He watched her, not knowing what she was going to do. She wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she rested her head against his chest, her hand resting on his thigh. “Now you are.”

Nick’s body tightened. He was now fully aware that she was coming on to him. First inviting herself overnight, then kicking off her shoes, and now touching him while making a comment like that. He wasn’t sure how to respond, he was sexually attracted to her, and it was his intentions when he went out, but he didn’t think it’d be this easy after the run around she gave him earlier.

Without noticing, he started to rub her shoulder. Her breathing slowly increased with every caress. She nuzzled closer into him, her hand lying on his crotch now. Nick grew harder at her touch. He inched his hand closer to her breast, brushing up against it. He hoped she wouldn’t find him too forward, that she was feeling what he was. His need to kiss her grew once he felt how perky she was. Nick stopped when he didn’t get a reaction from her. He didn’t understand why she was still. Did he overstep his limit? Did he take it too far?

Nick removed his arm from around her, and leaned forward to see her face. It was then he realized she had fallen asleep. She wasn’t touching him out of lust; her hands were just naturally falling on him when her body relaxed. Nick stood up and felt like an idiot. A.J. was right. He was a perv. He had just groped a sleeping woman. He watched her curl up against the back of the sofa. Damn it Carter! Nick left the room and grabbed a pillow and a blanket from his bed. He softly lifted her head and placed the pillow under it; afraid that she would wake up, that she would realize what just happened. He never felt more embarrassed as he draped the blanket over her. He stepped back and cursed himself once more before retiring to his bed for the evening.

He woke up the next morning, still feeling embarrassed about the night before. He hoped she didn’t remember any of it. He rolled out of bed, and headed towards the other room where she was sleeping. He flattened his hair back down, nervous about her reaction to his appearance of him in his pjs. He took a deep breath before he exited the room, and stopped short when he noticed the sofa was empty. He sighed, damn! Where did she go? Nick looked around the room and noticed her shoes were missing. Did she leave already? He knew she had meetings to go to this morning, but he thought he’d see her before she left. He walked to the door and noticed it was unlocked. He relocked it and turned around. Still shocked that she was gone. He at least wanted to buy her breakfast. He picked up the blanket as he sat down on the sofa. He wondered how much she remembered about the night before. Just as he was about to brush the entire evening off, and order room service, he noticed a piece of paper lying on the desk by the window. He carried the blanket with him and placed it on the chair as he reached for the paper:
Can’t wait for that trip to the ocean. Here’s to jumping off the deep end. (888)555-6363 P.S. I get to buy the next round.

Nick pulled into the driveway and parked the car in the garage. He chuckled at remembering the events that happened that night. It felt like it all happened yesterday, not 9 years ago. He couldn’t believe that after that night, she wanted to see him again. That she chose him. Nor that she has put up with him for that long. Once he stepped into the house Pepper greeted him. “Hey, Pep.” Nick petted his head, his tail wagging with excitement. He ran out the back door and instantly ran to his ball where the boys had left if for him in the backyard. He then unloaded the car and placed the belongings in the kitchen. He was not looking forward to wrapping this boy’s birthday present. It was not his specialty. Noticing that it was close to his conference meeting with the record company, he put the wrapping off till later. He let Pepper inside, and let him accompany him in his studio. “You have to be quiet Pepper.” Nick petted his head again, as he took a seat. Pepper laid down beside him as he dialed the number, hope this goes better today.

I pulled into our housing development happy to be close to home. I couldn’t wait to put an end to the day, the workweek too, and relax in a quiet house without the children. 24 hours of adult time with my husband was exactly what I needed. I couldn’t stop thinking about his phone call all day. I couldn’t put the naughty thoughts out of my head. I parked the hybrid next to Nick’s car and entered the house. When he or the dog didn’t greet me, I knew exactly where I could find them. I sat my belongings down on the kitchen island and slipped out of my shoes before descending down the stairs into the basement.

With each step I took I crossed my fingers that the studio door was unlocked. He normally kept it locked to keep the boys out, but since they weren’t home, I knew my chances were high. My excitement grew as I reached for the handle and found it unlatched. I pulled the door back and peered through the crack at Nick. I grinned at the sight of my husband sitting in front of the imac wearing headphones, rocking out with his back to the door. It was difficult to retain my laughter while watching him bob his head and tap his foot on the floor. This was too perfect. I cautiously walked up behind him, and ran my fingers along his neck, letting him know of my presence.

He jumped up from the chair, ready to fight whoever was disturbing him. I stepped back just as his arm came within inches of my face. The headphones held him up, jerking his head back. He hurriedly threw them off. I couldn’t help but laugh at his cries, and the expression on his face. “God damnit! What the fuck are you doing?! Are you trying to kill me?!” I doubled over from laughter, as he tried to compose himself. “Shit, Renee!” He managed to express through his erratic breathing. By now Pepper had jumped up and started barking from the corner. “Shut up Pep!” Nick yelled again. I tried to regain my composure as I watched the color slowly return to Nick’s face.

“I’m sorry Nick. I couldn’t resist.” I smirked.

“I almost knocked you out! Do you know what that could have done to you?! You could be lying on the floor unconscious!” Nick exclaimed as he tried to catch his breath, his heart still racing.

I walked up to him and rested my hands on his hips. He tried to resist, but I leaned against his body keeping him still. “I’m sorry Nick. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. Although it was funny as hell.” I tried to fight my smile, but I couldn’t help it. He was too cute!

He scowled at me; “If you weren’t so damn hot I’d have your ass already.”

“Aww, I love you too Carter.” I leaned up and planted a kiss on his lips. When I he didn’t respond, I stepped back and caught his eyes. I couldn’t tell if he was fooling around or still angry with me. Either way I knew how to work him. I started forming circles on his lower torso with my thumb, and looked up at him sorrowfully.

“Oh, no. You cannot sex your way out of this one. No, don’t even try me.” Nick turned on his stern face trying to be serious. His ruffled eyebrows and tight cheekbones only made me want him more. I continued caressing him knowing that he couldn’t resist my touch. I pouted at him when he tried to break away.

“No! No, stop it. You know I can’t resist that look.” I released my arms and reached up for my cardigan. I started unfastening the top button, and continued down to the next. I grinned up at him as I released the button under my breasts. Nick cleared his throat and straightened his body at the sight of my cleavage under my camisole. Not wanting to give him the full show yet, I went in for a kiss again. This time he met me with an intensity that sent my blood racing. I placed my hand on the back of his head, playing with his hair. His body relaxed as we kissed. He embraced me, his hands placed firmly on the small of my back, pressing our bodies together. I planted kisses on his neck as I felt his hand against my skin, pulling at my clothes.

“No, no. You just enjoy.” I whispered in his ear before nibbling on it. He removed his arm, and I continued out of my cardigan, tossing it along with my cami to the floor. I kissed him again, as I reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head. He pulled me in for another kiss, and groaned when my hand traveled down to his groin. I unbuttoned his jeans and slipped my hand under the waistband causing them to fall to his ankles.

“Shit.” Nick moaned as I wrapped my fingers around his erection. He closed his eyes, and leaned his head back as I began to massage his length. My own arousal starting to surface as I watched Nick surrender to my touch. I stopped abruptly, not wanting him to release himself just yet. He opened his eyes and looked at me in disapproval.

“Come, sit.” I commanded as I grabbed his hand and led him to the chair. The lust filled his pupils as I removed my bra and slipped out of my skirt, throwing my underwear on the floor with it. I stepped closer to him, placing one knee on the chair as I touched him again. He tried to pull me closer and I shook my head.

“Not yet Nicky.” I continued stroking him, working him up again. I finally joined him when I knew he was ready. I felt his thigh muscles shift underneath me as I climbed on top of his lap. I kissed him deeply as I lowered myself on top of him. His groan sent chills through my body as I started gyrating against him. A wave of pleasure crashed over me as Nick’s mouth found it’s way to my breasts. I picked up the pace as his hands rested on my hips, guiding me, pushing me further. He cried out as I pushed him over the edge, his muscles twitching with his own release. I collapsed into his chest, his arms wrapped around me, holding me gently, as I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Damn babe. Did you come home horny?” He joked as I caught up with my breathing. He ran his fingers through my hair, playing with my curls, or what I imagined was left of them.

“I guess you can say that,” I chuckled “I know I’ve deprived you all week.” I planted a soft kiss on his shoulder.

“This is true.” He stated very matter of factly, as he traced a finger down my back.

“Did I make up for it?” I asked relaxed by his touch.

“Hmm, maybe. I think we may need to go for round 2.” He kissed the top of my head.

“Round 2?!” I leaned back and looked at him. I was stunned, and yet not surprised at the same time. “Only if you catch me.” I winked as I jumped off the chair and ran out of the studio up the stairs. I could hear him running behind me as I came around the corner towards the stairs to the second story. He caught me just as I reached the bottom steps. He swung me around and engulfed me with a passionate kiss. His arms wrapped around my back, supporting me from falling onto the steps. Our tongues entwined as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I struggled to stand straight. He released the hold on my lips, “Lets go to bed.” I nodded as he placed an arm under my butt and lifted me in his arms. I kissed his neck while he carried me up the stairs to our room. He gently laid me down, and crawled on top of me.

I laid beneath him, amazed at his desire, his longing to be with me again. His hand traveled down my stomach and in between my thighs. I spread open my legs as he delved a finger inside of me. My body quivered at his touch, sending chills up my spine. He teased me for a little, warming my blood through my body, stopping short as I did earlier with him. I knew he was getting me back, and I hated it. He smiled evilly as he lingered above me, I went to reach for him, but he pinned my arms down just as he entered me.

I gasped as he filled me just to pull out again. The hunger driving me crazy. I swarmed beneath him as he filled me again, this time pulling back but not completely. I wrapped my legs around his hips keeping him in. Our eyes met as his rhythm picked up. I wet my lips letting him know I wanted to kiss him, when he didn’t meet me I stirred. The longing driving me crazy. Just as I was about to lose all sense of control, he finally met me for a kiss, finishing our final release. Nick collapsed his head on my chest, his hands loosening their hold on my arms. I rubbed his back as his chest heaved against mine, his heart pounding with each breath. I planted a kiss on his head as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“I love you Nicky.” I spoke softly.

He lifted his head, our eyes catching each other’s, “I love that you call me Nicky only when we’re having sex.”

I rolled my eyes, only this man would make a comment like that after being intimate together. “I take it back then.”

“Fine, I love you too.” He chuckled before kissing me. When he pulled back, he spoke more sincerely, “I love you babe.”

Just then my stomach growled. I realized I had not eaten anything since lunch. I became sidetracked when I came home and completely forgot about dinner. I turned my head and saw that the clock read 9:00PM. I looked back at Nick, “We forgot dinner.”

“Or you just had dinner.”

“Nick! That’s disgusting.” I playfully hit his shoulder.

“Or maybe I worked up your appetite.” He grinned just as he pulled out and rolled off the bed. I sat up, blankets covering my breasts, and watched him disappear into the closet. He reappeared wearing sweats, carrying something in his hands.

“Seriously though. What are we going to do about dinner?” Nick sat down on the edge of the mattress and handed me the article of clothing he was holding.

“Put this on and come meet me downstairs in 10.” He kissed my forehead before walking out of the room.

Oh no. This couldn’t be good. I sat confused for a minute, not sure that I wanted to know what his surprise was. I looked down at what was lying in my hands and shook my head. “Carter, you’re asking for a bruising.” He had handed me one of my more revealing pieces of lingere, without any underwear of course. He expects me to wear this while he walks around in sweats? I laughed. My stomach growled again, damn. I gave into my hunger and climbed out of bed. I slipped into the negligee and grinned at the thought that just passed my mind. Little did Nick know the joke was on him.

I stepped cautiously into the kitchen, weary of what I was going to find. Nick was not the best cook, but he had significantly increased in his years since me. I expected a mess, but to my surprise, the kitchen was intact. He had his back to me, putting something into the oven. I had to wonder what it was that he was baking, and why he wasn’t wearing a shirt if he was cooking. It wasn’t exactly sanitary.

“Hey, babe.” He said as he saw me standing by the island. “I poured us some champagne. Gotta celebrate your big day.” He smiled like a little boy excited for Christmas.

“Mmmm, you read my mind.” I walked closer to him and accepted the flute from his hand. The excitement left his face when he noticed I was wearing underwear under the slip.

“Hey, that’s not what I chose for you.” He ruffled his eyebrows in disappointment.

“You think I’m going to walk around exposed while you’re covered up?” I pointed at his sweats as I took a sip.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

I ignored his comment and took a seat at the counter, “So what are you cooking?”

“Filet.” He stated.

“Champagne and steak. You sure do know a way to a woman’s heart.”

“Nah, just yours.” He smiled as he took a sip. He placed the glass down quickly, “Oh, I almost forgot.” He opened the door to the fridge and pulled out a bowl and sat it down on the island. “I got strawberries too.”

“Ooo! Are you sure we’re not celebrating for you too?” He removed the plastic wrap and lifted one to my mouth, and I gladly accepted.

“Nah, my day wasn’t that great.” He said without much expression as he ate a strawberry too.

“Oh no. What happened? Did they not like your song?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Nick, tell me what happened.”

“Well…” He lowered his head, “They hated it.”

“What? You busted your ass off on this song for them.”

He sighed, “I know, nothing I do is good enough. I was editing the song when you interrupted me.”

“Oh I’m sorry Nicky. What are you going to do?” I stepped off of the chair and walked around the island, climbing up on the counter next to him.

He lifted his head and turned towards my face, “I guess I’m just going to have to fly out to L.A. and meet the artist and record the song.”

“Wait, what?” I stared at him confused, “Are you joking with me? Are you pulling a prank on me Carter?” He started laughing. “That’s not even funny.” I scowled at him, and hit his shoulder.

“It is pretty funny. To think that someone wouldn’t want to work with me? I am Nick Carter by the way.” He smirked.

“Don’t get a big head, you’re not very active nowadays.” I joked back. He tried to act hurt, and I shook my head.

“I think I was just pretty fucking active tonight.” He kissed me before pulling the steak from the oven. I shook my head. Only my man.

“How was your day?” He looked over his shoulder at me.

“It was good. Long, but good.” I picked up a strawberry as I watched Nick plate our steaks. “Did you brown those first?” I asked staring at the filets.

“Of course,” Nick reached for the fridge again and pulled out a container, of what I only imagined was the other portion to our meal. “Don’t change the subject Renee.”

“Sorry, I’m just so damn hungry.” I ate another strawberry, upset that dinner wasn’t ready yet.

“I’m not giving this to you until you start talking.”

“Fine,” I sighed, “It started off rough. The client came early, something about how one of his other appointments that day got moved up so he had to move all his morning meetings up. So our proposal was and hour earlier than scheduled, and I could just not get Jenni off my back. Her and her perkiness, and knowing about the change before I did. I mean, I swear someone should have called me this morning.” I followed Nick to the table and took a seat before continuing,

“So then I meet him and I can't shake this feeling of deja vue, I know I’ve never met him before, nor heard his name, but it felt like I had. I don’t even know how to explain it,” Nick raised an eye at me, “I know its crazy. I sound crazy.” I cut into my steak and took a bite. I was in heaven. “This is really good.” I muttered with my mouth full.

“So, you’re proposal went well?” Nick asked, ignoring my ranting. Or better yet, moving the conversation along.

“Oh, yea that went fine. Dave thinks we nailed it. I don’t know how he can say that, Marc’s face was expression less through the entire meeting.”

“Marc?” Nick raised another eyebrow in my direction.

“Oh, yeah. The client. Marc Ayres. He asked me to call him Marc, and I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that.”

“Its just casual. I hate it when people call me Mr. Carter.” Nick joked.

“That’s because it makes you feel old.” I smiled at him.

“Well, it sounds like your day went well. I bet you guys find out by the end of the week that you got the job. He’d be a fool not to like your work.”

“Let’s hope,” I raised my glass to Nicks, “Here’s to our future job ventures.”

“I don’t need hope, I already have my job,” Nick winked at me, “Lets hope to round 3 after dinner.”

“Should we take yours or mine?” Nick asked as we entered the garage.

“Yours of course.” I said without hesitation as he closed the door behind me.

“Damn, someone’s looking to live dangerously tonight.” He joked.

“No, we always take your car when we go out. Don’t get overexcited.”

“True, but I’ve been dying to drive it!” Nick grinned with excitement as he slid past me and proceeded to his black Mercedes Benz to open the door for me. He leaned back against the car, looking ever so sexy as he waited for me. He was wearing a midnight blue dress shirt with a gray undershirt, and black slacks that emphasized his long legs. I blushed a little as I approached him; I wasn’t use to seeing him dressed up anymore.

“Damn Carter, you might be showing me up tonight.” I joked as I stopped in front of him. He eyed me in my sleeveless black satin cocktail dress, and shook his head.

“I don’t think so babe, not with this gut.” He stood up and took my hand as he helped me in the car. Soon after he jumped in and backed out of the driveway. I ignored his comment about his weight, nothing was going to ruin my excitement about tonight; going out on the town before we had kids, before we had responsibilities, back when it was all about us. It felt like we were dating again.

“What are you thinking?” Nick peered over at me. I looked at him,

“I was just trying to remember the last time we had a night out. It seems like we always stay in.”

“But the nights in are more enjoyable.” He chuckled; I sighed,

“Seriously Nick, when was that last time we went out for ourselves?”

He was silent for a while before speaking, “ I don’t remember. We’ll have to fix that when I get back from L.A.” He placed a hand on my leg as he drove.

“Whatever. I know you’ll go out when you’re there, and you’ll get home and be tired and lazy.”

“Tired? I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re the one who comes home exhausted. ‘Not now Nick, I have to lie down’.”

“I do not! I clean up after the mess you made all day, while you were tweeting.”

He chuckled. “Don’t hate the twitter. You know you like it.” He turned and winked at me.

“Right, that’s what I was thinking.” I spoke sarcastically.

“You can’t honestly say you don’t look at my posts when I’m in L.A.”

“Oh great, just what I have to look forward to. Adventures in Carter land.”

“Babe, everyday is an adventure in Carter land.” He winked as he smacked my leg with the palm of his hand.

“Ow! Carter.” I punched his shoulder. “You better not be pulling this shit in the restaurant.”

“That’s why I’m getting ‘this shit’ out now.” He grinned innocently at me. I shook my head,

“You are too much, you know that?”

“Yes, I am. And you like it.” He stuck his tongue out at me as we continued along the highway. I sat back and watched the scenery pass by. The week had gone by as Nick predicted it would. Our proposal was accepted, and as Dave promised, he was throwing a party downtown. Although it was meant to take place the night of our proposal, he decided a party would be better held until after we had a contract.

We exited the highway, and ventured our way through the streets to the parking garage closest to the restaurant. When we pulled in I cringed as the ceiling closed in on us.

“Oh, I hate parking garages.” I grabbed a hold of the door handle before we took a turn up to the next level.

“Chill babe. You do this every time.” He laughed at me.

“Its not funny. They make me claustrophobic.” I cringed again as a car drove past us. “Why do you have to park so high?” Nick took my other hand,

“Just breathe. We’re almost done.” He rubbed the back of it for a minute before parking on one of the least occupied levels. I relaxed after he put the car in park.

“You would not last in L.A. if garages freak you out.”

“That’s exactly why we don’t live there.” I said as I exited the car to get some air. After he closed his door, he came around to me and gently rubbed my back.

“You ok now?”

“Yeah, lets get out of here. I need a drink.” I clutched my bag in my hands as we walked towards the elevator.

“Do I need to hold your hand as we ride down?” Nick joked.

“No, you smart ass,” I glared at him, “You got it out of your system yet?”

“Never,” He grinned while we waited for the elevator, “You’re stuck with me forever.”

“Aren’t I special.” I rolled my eyes appearing to be annoyed, when I was secretly smiling inside.

“Yes, you are” He took a step to the left and planted a kiss on top of my head. I took his hand as the doors opened and led him into the elevator. I selected the ground level before wrapping my arms around his waist.

“Now, there is one rule for tonight.” I looked up into his blue eyes,

“Hmm… and what is that?” He asked as he joined my embrace.

“You must at all times, be on your best behavior.” I smiled.

“Not gonna happen. Its too hard.” We kissed just before the elevator stopped. When we exited, we were met with the cool evening breeze. I shivered upon first contact; Nick caught me and chuckled as we walked down the sidewalk.

“Wish you had a jacket don’t you?”

“No. It was just a normal reaction to the temperature change.” I tried to play it cool.

“Deny all you want, you know you wish you had one. I’d give you mine but I’m not wearing one.” He winked.

“Shut up Carter. I wouldn’t look hot if I were wearing one anyway.”

He looked over at me, and smiled. “Okay, I’ll shut up.”

“Well thanks Nick. I’m glad you think I wouldn’t be hot if I were wearing a jacket.”

“I didn’t say that, you did! Don’t twist my words around.” He quickly became defensive.

“Uh huh.” I elbowed him as we turned the corner towards our destination. I couldn’t wait to meet up with my friends from work. I know I see them everyday, but they are like my family. Thankfully they all get along well with Nick, nothing better than your man liking your friends.

I reached for the door, and Nick stopped me.

“Wait, let me be a gentleman and get that for you. Since we never go out anymore.”

“Alright, are you finally done now?” I dropped my shoulders and stared at him.

“Yeah, relax.” He held the door open and followed behind me. I felt a hand at my lower back as we approached the greeter. She instantly recognized us and smiled. “Good evening Renee, love your dress!”

“Thanks Crystal.” I faked politeness knowing what was going to happen next.

“You’ll have to tell me where you got it,” She broke her attention away from me and smiled at Nick. “Looking good Nick. How have you been?”

“Evening Crystal, I’ve been great, thank you for asking.”

“You’re welcome, have you been writing new songs? I can’t wait to hear more!” She touched his arm, and I laughed. Every time we come in she always finds a way to flirt with him. Last time we came in she claimed she wanted to be a singer.

“I have a couple deals under way.” He smiled.

“That’s so exciting, who are you working with next?” She asked. Ignoring the conversation, I looked around and spotted Jenni and Susan, Dave’s wife, leaving the bar.

“Hey Ladies.” I walked over and interrupted their conversation.

“Renee! You made it.” Susan greeted me with a hug.

“We did, Eric didn’t want to leave Nick or we would have been here sooner.”

“Aw, still going through that huh?”

“Sometimes. He’s getting better though.”

“So where is the handsome man?” She asked looking around the room.

“Oh you know who has him.” They both looked over at Nick who was still humoring Crystal.

“You think she’d stop already, she knows he’s not available.” Jenni chimed in.

“That doesn’t stop anyone.” I commented. Nick caught us looking at him and finally excused himself.

“Evening Ladies.” He spoke casually, stopping next to me.

“Nick! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!” Susan gave him a hug, like he was her son, “You look good tonight!”

“You’re looking pretty good too Susan.” He winked.

“Oh, you just know how to flatter an old woman.” I laughed at Susan’s remark. She was by far one of the classiest women I have ever known; she was anything but old and was always dressed head to toe in designer clothes.

“You know you’re my next pick if I didn’t have Renee.” They all laughed while I smiled at him.

“I don’t know. Dave might have something to say about that.” I joked.

“What he doesn’t know wont hurt him,” Susan smiled, “Come on girls lets go join up with the group. Don’t just stand there Nick, get this young lady a drink, wont ya?” Susan took my arm and started walking with me. I gave Nick a weary look, and he just smiled before walking to the bar. Jenni followed right behind us.

“He does look good. Has he been losing weight?” Jenni asked.

“Yeah, he’s started this new health food diet. He’s concerned about his weight now that the boys are getting older. Claims he’s having trouble keeping up with them. I’ve never noticed before.” I simply stated, although that wasn’t all true. He had lost a couple inches around his waist.

“Well either way, he’s one great catch Renee.” Susan winked at me.

“Thanks Susan. I know he is.” When we reached the party, I saw all the familiar faces. They greeted me simultaneously and followed up with where’s nick? He’s going to be here tonight isn’t he? I swear sometimes he’s more important to them then I am. I was caught up in the hellos that I missed someone.

“Don’t forget Marc, Renee.” I heard Dave speak to me. I turned around and saw Marc Ayres, our client, walk into the room. I was surprised. No one informed me he was going to be here.

“Good evening, Renee. Good to see you again.” He reached out his hand, and I shook it.

“You too Marc. Glad you could join us.” I lied. I wanted nothing more than to relax tonight, and now I felt like I had to be on good behavior.

“Its my pleasure to be here. Thank you for inviting me Susan.” He spoke very sincerely.

“Oh, you’re welcome honey. Couldn’t bear to think of you dining alone tonight in your hotel while we’re all here celebrating. After all you are the reason behind our gathering.” As I watched their conversation, I noticed how well kept Marc was. There wasn’t one wrinkle in his suit, his shoes shined like they had just been polished, and there wasn’t one strand of hair out of place. He looked like he was trying to impress us, but yet there wasn’t one ounce of arrogance in his actions or his speech. He almost reminded me of Susan.

“Here, babe.” Nick interrupted the conversation as he handed me my drink. I put my purse down on the table and took the drink in my right hand.

“Thanks Nick,” I smiled and took a drink before introducing him to Marc, “I’d like for you to meet Marc, he’s joining us for the evening.”

“Ah, so you’re the man who will be keeping my wife away from me,” he joked; I choked as I took another drink. I couldn’t believe he said that, to a client of all people.

“You alright Renee?” He asked me, while I was coughing. I nodded after I cleared my throat.

“Sorry, I have the tendency to be inappropriate, I’m Nick.” He reached out to shake Marc’s hand.

“Marc Ayres, don’t worry. It’s always good to have a sense of humor.” I wanted to die. Better yet, hurt Nick for making a fool of himself.

“We do have lots of that around here.” Dave agreed, “Why don’t we all get something to eat and sit down?” He motioned towards Susan, and they walked away.

“I can’t believe you Nick.” I whispered to him as we walked towards the buffet table. I was furious. He looked back at me,

“Relax, he thought it was funny.”

“Did he? I didn’t hear him laughing.” I spoke seriously.

“It’s all good.” He smiled his charming grin, and I scowled. I hated how carefree he could be at times. I wanted to say more, but I held back. Tonight was about having fun, and I was determined, now more than ever, to make that happen.

I was well into my second martini when I started to relax. I could feel the effects of the vodka through my body already. It always did the trick. The night was progressing well and to my surprise it was going better than I expected. It was silly of me to be worried about how Nick would get along with Marc after the comment he made. When I glanced at Nick from across the room, I could tell they were laughing at something he had said. Probably one of his jokes based on his hand gestures. He always over exaggerated while telling a joke or a story. Amidst the excitement he caught my stare for a brief moment and smiled before rejoining the conversation.

“You’ll sprain your neck if you keep checking back on him.” I turned around at the voice, and saw Susan looking at me. I immediately felt ashamed.

“Force of habit I guess.” I said non-convincingly.

“Oh honey, I think it’s more than that. You really don’t have to be worried about them getting along.” I was stunned. How did she know I was worried about that?

“I can see it on your face dear. You’ve been uncomfortable all night.” I finished the last of my martini and sighed.

“I just hope he’s not making an ass of himself.” I blurted out.

“Oh honey, when has he ever done that?” She joked and rejoined the conversation like she never left it. I looked at my empty glass and excused myself from the girls. I walked quietly past Nick as I exited the room. The restaurant had picked up, as had the bar. I made my way through the small crowd and adjusted my dress while I waited for the bartender. I was watching the flat screen above the bar when I heard a familiar voice next to me order a drink.

“You’re husband sure does like to talk a lot.” He spoke. I turned to look at him and chuckled.

“Its all he knows. He’s pretty good at it huh?” I asked Marc. He stood next to me, and slightly smiled.

“I can imagine its hard not to be center of attention after 22 years with his profession.” His comment shocked me a little,

“Did he tell you about that?” I asked. I figured Marc was not the kind to know who he was.

“Its hard not to know when the others ask him about it.” I laughed,

“Its kind of sad isn’t it? You would think that after all this time they wouldn’t act like his groupies.”

“Its not too bad. I left just as they were talking about their picks for the upcoming football games.”

“Ah, I would have left too,” I chuckled, “After 9 years he still thinks I want to hear about Tampa games.” I said with a smile. Even thinking about Nick’s annoying habits made me happy.

“Wow. 9 years? That’s a long time to be with someone with his career.”

“Yes it is,” I took a drink, “But it’s a long time to be with anyone.” I tried to keep the conversation neutral. Not that I minded talking about our relationship, there’s just some boundaries you don’t cross with clients.

“There you are babe.” Nick wrapped his arm around my back and leaned in to kiss my cheek, “Am I interrupting anything? You better not be telling jokes about me.” He laughed while trying to get the bartenders attention.

“Contrary to your belief, not everything is about you Carter.” I joked.

“She was talking about me wasn’t she?” He directed the question to Marc. I could tell by his silly grin that he was enjoying the evening. I couldn’t help but think about how many he had.

“Yes, but I brought it up. I was surprised to hear how long you two have been married.”

“It almost didn’t happen,” Nick took a drink, “Did she tell you she thought I was joking when I proposed?” I glared at him while he smirked at me.

“No, we didn’t get that far. But I’d like to hear about it.”

He arrived back at the hotel exhausted. He couldn’t wait to lie down and put this chaotic day behind him. Once he stepped into the room he heard the television playing. Renee was sitting on the floor shifting through some of her belongings; he couldn’t help but think that she didn’t look like she was waiting for him. He began to feel disappointed, after all the press he dealt with today he wanted to come back and wind down with her. He shut the door and interrupted her attention.

“Hey, I was beginning to wonder about you,” She looked up from the floor and smiled, “I have had one of the best days!”

“Yeah?” he yawned, with every step he took the more tired his body became. He wanted to do nothing but relax, and was not prepared for excitement. He dropped down on the sofa next to her as she continued talking.

“Yes! This city is so beautiful. I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing the architecture is. The streets and the buildings are nothing like we have back home. I went to this cathedral today and was in awe of its complexity. It was gorgeous!” She shifted through some papers and continued talking before he could speak.

“And then I found this alley, and took a picture of this man and his child while they were playing, and you would not believe that he asked me to join in. Even the crumbling walls and cracked streets were beautiful. I mean look the way the sun shines on this.” She flipped through her camera and found the pictures to show Nick, when she realized he was fading fast.

“Oh Nick. You look exhausted!” He watched her excitement fade, and instantly felt bad that he ruined her happy mood, “Here, lets take these off for you.” She started untying the shoelaces on his sneakers and took them off before messaging his feet.

“How was your day?” She asked.

“Long. And tiring. If I have to answer one more question about music I am going to quit forever.” She chuckled at his answer.

“It couldn’t have been that bad. You love this too much to leave it.”

He shrugged his shoulders, at that moment he didn’t care either way. He was tired of having his picture taken every 40 seconds and answering questions all day. He was starving and yet didn’t have the strength to eat, and most of all he was upset that Renee would be leaving soon and hadn’t had much time to spend with her except for the hotel room.

“Wish I could have spent the day with you. What I wouldn’t give to actually sightsee.”

“Oh no worries Nick. I don’t mind going by myself.” She stopped rubbing his feet and stood up from the floor. He noticed she was wearing one of his t-shirts with a pair of black shorts. He smiled at her as she walked over to her luggage and packed her pamphlets and collectibles in them.

“I do.” He muttered. She turned around and raised an eyebrow at him,

“Are you upset about something?” She asked. He did not want to get into a stupid argument when he was in a grumpy mood.

“I just wish I could have experienced that with you.” He grabbed a pillow as he yawned again.

“I know you would have been there if you could.” She sat down beside him. He looked at her and she stared back. He felt that she didn’t understand what he was saying.

“I know you do, but I hate missing out on sharing your interests too.”

“Well, I know you’re working. I understand that you can’t always be with me. I mean I came here knowing you had a busy schedule with your tour.”

“I know you’re understanding, that’s not what I’m upset about.”

“Well, I guess I don’t get it. Maybe you should shower and relax and let me get some room service for you. I’m sure you haven’t ate much today.” She stood up and grabbed the menu for the restaurant. The tension was building inside of him. He was frustrated that she didn’t seem interested in the conversation. That she didn’t want to listen to him. Reluctantly he stood up and walked into the bedroom to undress. All the while he could hear her voice from the other room. The sweetness in it made him even more frustrated. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to relax until his mind was clear. He put on a robe and stepped into the other room just as she hung up the phone.

“I wanted to be with you today, what don’t you get about that?” Nicks voice startled her. She cautiously turned around to face him,

“I do get that. That’s why I said that I understand you can’t be. I’m not mad Nick.” He looked at her eyes and saw how clueless she was. It upset him even more.

“That’s the problem! I hated not being with you today. And you act like you could have cared less that I wasn’t there. Like you didn’t want me to be.”

“I never said that. Where is this coming from Nick? You know I would have enjoyed having you there with me.”

“Really? Because you looked pretty content when I came back tonight.”

“What does that mean? Am I not supposed to enjoy myself? I’m sorry I had a good day without you.”

“No, babe! Maybe I’m not explaining myself clearly.”

“Clearly.” She rolled her eyes. Her arms were crossed now as she looked at him, “Why don’t you just say it Nick?”

“You leave in 2 days. 2 days! And we haven’t spent anytime together. I spent all day thinking about you, wishing that the day could go by so I could see you. I missed you and you act like you didn’t miss me.”

“Of course I missed you. I came here because I missed you, because I wanted to spend time with you. I’m okay with not seeing you all day because I know your job keeps you away from me. When I say I understand it, that’s because I do, but I never said that I enjoy being without you. Sorry that I couldn’t display that how you wanted me to, but you can’t be mad at me for that. I’m doing the best I can with our relationship.”

“I know you are babe,” He walked across the room and embraced her, “I just don’t want you to leave.”

“Well, I can’t stay forever.” She leaned into his hug.
“See that’s what I’m talking about. The sarcasm. I don’t like it.” He released his hold of her and walked away.

“I’m sorry Nick, I’m not good with sharing my feelings, all right? I fucking missed you, I hate that I leave soon too. That’s why I’m trying to enjoy every minute I have with you. What do you want from me?” She walked out of the room. He followed her.

“Marry me.” He stood in the doorway. She laughed.

“Right, lets get married. That’s going to solve our problems.” She spoke mockingly.

“I’m serious. Why not get married?” Nick repeated. She turned and raised an eyebrow at him.

“I can think of many reasons why not to. It’s crazy Nick.”

“No its not babe. I love you.” She gave him a strange look, and turned away. He remained in the same spot when she turned and looked at him again.

“You are serious about this?” She sat down on the bed. He knew her mind was trying to adjust. He walked over to her as he replied,

“Yes, I am.”

“I can’t believe this. You just got mad at me for not missing you and now you want to get married? I don’t understand you.” He reached for her hand and held it,

“I know this isn’t what we’ve talked about, but I’ve never known anyone like you. You handle our relationship far better than anyone else I’ve dated. I remember the first time we met like it was yesterday. I still get those feelings for you every time I see you, and today just made it more clear to me how much I miss you. How much I love you.” He brushed the hair out of her face. She kept her head down. He was sure she didn’t know what to say.

“Have you told anyone else about this?” She asked. The question threw him off, but he answered anyway.

“Alex.” He spoke softly.

“Great, Jay knows.” She shook her hand free of his and walked away from the bed.

“Yes, AJ knows. He couldn’t be more happy for us.”

“Us? I haven’t even said yes yet, and you too are acting like we’re already engaged.”

“You know Alex, babe. He likes you. He likes us together. He’s one of the only guys who truly loves you. Of course I shared it with him.”

“That’s exactly why we shouldn’t do this. They’re your family, and half of them don’t like me.”

“They like you. They just know my track record with women.”

“Right. That’s it. They don’t like me because of you.” She rolled her eyes and sighed, “Either way this is not happening. I like us the way we are.”

“I know you’re scared. I know you’ve revealed things about your past that have kept us from moving forward, but I’m not any of those guys. I’m not trying to change us, I just don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere soon. Clearly I’ve made it this far, but that doesn’t mean that we are ready for marriage. We’ve haven’t even dated for 2 years. Nor seen much of each other during that time.”

“But we’ve seen enough of each other that we’ve grown this close. I don’t know Renee. I just know I don’t want to live without you.” He grew frustrated and slammed the bathroom door behind him. That conversation didn’t go as well as he hoped it would. He didn’t have anything planned, but he hoped she’d be more open to the idea than she was. He hung his head in exhaustion as he stepped into the shower. The water soothed him very little. He couldn’t get the image of her resistance out of his head. God, he hoped he didn’t just fuck up the best thing that ever happened to him. When he reached for the soap, he thought he heard the door open. Wishful thinking, he thought. He cleaned his arms, then his chest, disappointed that he was showering alone. He didn’t expect her to join him after their fight, but he hated being away from her. Her words replayed in his mind as he washed his hair. He couldn’t stop thinking about how adamant she was against marriage. Although he couldn’t blame her, he had told her he didn’t want to in the beginning of their relationship, and she agreed. He cursed himself for mentioning anything as he stepped out of the shower. He looked around for clothes and remembered he didn’t bring any in with him. He opted for a towel instead of the robe, and opened the door.

He didn’t see her in the room. Shit. He didn’t hear the television from the other room. Shit. He didn’t hear anything. Shit! He began to worry about her. He walked over to his luggage and pulled out a pair of shorts. As he slipped into them he heard a door close. He peered into the other room and saw her sitting his food on the coffee table. He smiled faintly as he watched her. He couldn’t place how she was feeling based on her actions. He couldn’t read her, and he didn’t like it.

She glanced shortly at Nick as she walked towards the bed. She sat down with her back towards him and removed her bra from underneath the shirt. Nick felt strangely aroused even though he knew he shouldn’t have. They didn’t exchange words as she lay down on the bed and began to make herself comfortable. He let himself out of the room and closed the door behind him. He didn’t want to disturb her from the other room with the TV. He took one look at the food and was starving. His stomach growled so loud, he thanked god she ordered room service for him. He channel surfed while eating. He couldn’t understand the language on the local channels, but found it amusing to try to figure it out. He found a late night comedy show and laughed at how bizarre it was. He understood a few words and adlibbed the rest. He couldn’t wait to get back to the states and enjoy American television. He left his plates on the table when he was done. His stomach was full and he was fading fast. He turned off the TV before he left the room. He slowly pulled open the door and entered the room. He watched her as he approached the bed.

He lifted the covers quietly; he didn’t want to disturb her as he lay down. He opted not to give her a kiss, he thought he’d play it safe and give the night a rest. He felt foolish for mentioning anything. He had clearly upset her. He rolled onto his right side, facing the window. Shortly after, he felt her lean up against his back. Her arm rested on his side. He was surprised by her actions. Cautiously, he put his arm over hers, his hand cupping her elbow over his stomach, accepting her affection. He thought maybe she would say something, but there was nothing but silence. He felt her breath on his neck and couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He yawned as he closed them, his body slowly relaxed as he drifted into sleep.

“I love you Nick.” The voice was faint. He almost wasn’t sure he heard it.

“I don’t want to lose you either.” He heard it again, and rolled onto his back. He met her face and saw tears running down her cheeks. His heart ached instantly.

“Babe, why are you crying?”

“I feel bad. I don’t want you to think I don’t love you.”

“What? I know you do.” He rubbed her arm; he knew he fucked things up, “I shouldn’t have mentioned anything.”

“No, I’m glad you did.” She wiped her face.

“Okay…” He was confused. He sure didn’t get that impression from her earlier.

“I’m scared I don’t know how to say yes.” Her voice cracked as she spoke. He could clearly see how shaken up she was. He rolled onto his left side and held her. He rubbed her back as she continued to cry. She laid her head against his chest.

“I think you just did?” Nick questioned. He was confused about the meaning behind her words. She coughed before speaking again.

“I don’t want a large wedding. Just us, a few close friends and family. We can save the large invites for a reception.” Nick loosened his hold on her and leaned back to see her face. He caught her eyes as she lifted her head. He saw the change in her expression; she appeared more lighthearted.

“I don’t want to announce it quickly either. Not until I’m ready for the others to know.”

“Ok. Anything else?” he asked. The weight was lifting off his heart and his conscience. He was surprised to hear the commitments she was making to him.

“Never refer to me as Mrs. Carter.” She laughed.

He chuckled just before kissing her, “I love you babe.”

“I love you too Carter.”

“Goodnight! Thanks again.” I said goodbye to our babysitter, as I locked up the house for the evening. I felt lightheaded as I closed the door. I shouldn’t have had that last martini. I knew I would regret it in the morning.

“Is she gone?” He asked as he came from behind me. My body warmed up when his hand rested on my shoulder.

“You know she is, or you wouldn’t have come out of hiding.” I said while I kicked off my heels.

“I couldn’t let her see me like this babe, I’m drunk as fuck.” His hand was playing with my hair now. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah I know. I had to drive us home.” I waved his hand off and walked towards the kitchen; he followed.

“I could have driven us.”

“And gotten another dui, I don’t think so Nick.” I reached for a glass and filled it with water from the refrigerator.

“That was ten years ago, I was younger then. I would have been fine to drive.” He defended himself, “Besides you aren’t that sober either.”

“Maybe, but I got us home safely.” I sat down the glass and adjusted my dress. I was reminded of why I rarely wore strapless, it always slips no matter what garments you have under it. I caught Nick staring at my chest when I was done.

“Smooth Carter.” I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes; the objects in the room were beginning to become blurry.

“What? I can look, they are legally mine.”

“Oh, so that makes them yours?” I opened my eyes and he was standing before me, I felt my pulse climb just from his presence. After all these years the man could still excite me.

“Don’t you know all of you is mine?” He wrapped his arms around my waist, drawing me closer to him. I faltered as I stepped forward, the alcohol starting to take over. I found myself at his beckon call once his mouth touched mine. The taste of whisky on his lips was intoxicating. His cologne filled my senses as his hands roamed my body; I wanted more, needed more.

He sat me clumsily on top the kitchen table, pushing the chairs out of the way, spilling the salt and peppershakers, leaving a trail to the floor. I felt the grit between my fingers as I tried to regain my equilibrium. Nick had shed his clothes, and was working quickly to remove mine. His hands took me roughly, pushing up my dress, removing my underwear. The table was cold against my skin, and his body was warm. I grabbed the end of the table to stable myself. His speed increased quickly, his force was strong, I was becoming overwhelmed with pleasure at the moment, and I almost didn’t catch when he started to falter, when his breath began to become labored. It wasn’t until he slowed down before either of us reached our climax, that I opened my eyes and saw the pain on his face.

“Nick?” I touched his head; I got no response.

“Nick, are ok?” I asked again, he hid his face from me this time. I knew something wasn’t right. Nick never left anything unfinished. His breathing was still labored, he pulled away from me and hunched over the island, his back towards me.

I sat up, letting my dress fall back down. I was worried. I stood up slowly, feeling dizzy. I placed a hand on his back,

“Nick, what’s wrong? Do you need some water?” I caught him nod his head while he coughed, one hand covering his chest.

I moved quickly, pushing through the dizziness. He took the glass and swallowed the water quickly. Shortly after, his breathing began to slow down. I watched as the color came back to his face. I was scared. This wasn’t his typical exertion during sex. He handed the glass back to me,

“Do you need more?”

“No,” he coughed again, “It’ll pass.” He took a breath in, exhaled and stood up, his hands on his hips.

“What will?” His words didn’t make sense. Did he know what was happening?

“Its nothing, nothing babe.” His back was still facing me. I was starting to become mad. I felt like he was hiding something from me.

“That was not nothing. What is going on Carter?” I slightly raised my voice, but it was enough for him to face me.

“Just lost my breath, no big deal.”

“Lost your breath? Are you fucking serious with that answer? Nick…”

“I know, it looked bad. They usually aren’t that bad.”

“What isn’t? Has this happened before?” He slipped back into his briefs and pulled up a chair. He sighed before speaking.

“Yes, but it’s nothing serious.”

“Stop saying that! What aren’t you telling me Nick?” I was worried, I wanted an answer.

“I sometimes feel pain in my chest.” I froze. He said it so nonchalantly, like it meant nothing to him.

“What do you mean by pain?”

“Just this heaviness, makes it hard for me to breathe. It’s nothing Renee. It passes.”

I didn’t know what to make of this. How could what I witnessed be nothing? How could my husband hiding something like this from me be nothing?

“But it’s not the first time you’ve experienced this, so there’s clearly something wrong.” I crossed my arms, trying to comprehend everything.

“Babe, really. I knew you’d overreact, that’s why I haven’t told you.”

“No! You do not get to use that as an excuse, you do not get to make me be the bad person in this. You could have a serious problem and YOU are hiding it from me!” I yelled at him.

“It’s ok,” He tried to calm me down, “It only happens when I exude myself. I thought working out would make it better.”

“Wait, you had this before you started exercising? When did the first one occur Nick? Two weeks ago, a month ago, when?” I demanded. I was furious I had never seen this before. That I was just now learning about it. When I had trouble with my kidneys, he knew at the first moment I was worried.

“Calm down Renee. You may wake the boys.” He ignored my question.

“No, don’t give me that bullshit Nick. Fucking me on the table could have done that.”

“Alright, sit down. I’ll explain it to you.” I tried not to look into his blue eyes, they captivated me every time. I hesitated, and finally sat down where he once was sitting.

“Do you remember me telling you about how I felt my weight interfered with playing with the boys?” I nodded. I had told him his weight didn’t matter, that they wear me out too. He continued,

“Well, it would sometimes be difficult for me to catch my breath, for my pulse to slow back down. That’s why I wanted to get back in shape; thought if I lost some weight everything would be ok. But, I’m still having difficulty, especially after workouts. Not everyday, or all the time, but it does pass. They haven’t been lasting as long as they use to. I know its because my body is adjusting to exercising. It’s really no big deal.”

I sat there taking everything in. His words made no sense. I’m sure it did to him, but all I heard was that he may have some chest condition and was in denial about it. I started feeling nauseous; the room was spinning. I needed a bathroom.

“Babe, are you ok?” He sounded concerned.

“No,” I stood up, “The room is spinning and you could has some serious medical condition. I’m going to bed, and scheduling an appointment for you this week in the morning. I’ll be damned if you tell me its no big deal that you can’t breathe.” I almost exited the room before he spoke.

“I’m in L.A. this week.” The words weighed heavily on my heart. He’d be gone for a week, if not longer. I exhaled heavily, and headed to our bedroom without saying a word.

He arrived at LAX early that Monday morning. He adjusted his hat, as he stepped into the terminal, his carry on bag over his shoulders. Too many years he has had to protect himself from the public, it was a force of habit to try to conceal his identity. He discreetly looked around for cameras on his walk to baggage claim. They were always here, although he wasn’t photographed as much as he used to be, he still secretly wanted someone to spot him, he liked the attention. While waiting he pulled out his blackberry and sent Renee a text. He always notified her when he landed. The screen read “message sent” before he tucked his phone back into his pocket, not expecting to hear from her.

He shuffled his feet while waiting, he was anxious to go outside and smell the air. To feel the sun on his face, to hear the ocean waves, to be free in his home away from home. He needed to be himself this week, to clear his mind from recent events. Things were tense between him and Renee that weekend. Even though he hated it, he couldn’t fully blame her for her concern or rather her anger. He suspected she’d be upset; he would be too if she had hid her condition from him, but he didn’t expect her to feel so strongly about it. He didn’t have a condition; he was healthy. And yet he couldn’t shake the thoughts that ran through his mind: Why couldn’t I control it? Why is it getting harder to breathe? Exercising is supposed to help with that, maybe it’s my body’s way of coping with the changes? What if Renee’s right? What if it is serious? The thoughts were too much for him to deal with. He was fine. Everything was fine.

He watched his luggage come around on the conveyor and excused himself as he stepped forward to pick it up. When he turned around he saw A.J. walking towards him, cameras following him, photographers asking him questions. Nick shook his head, and laughed to himself. A.J. stood out amongst the crowd of people, wearing a black beanie with one of his many vintage t-shirts, showing off his tattoos, and a pair of tight blue jeans with black sneakers. Nick could tell by A.J.’s unsmiling face that he was annoyed by the paparazzi.

“Did you bring this all for me?” Nick joked when he walked up to him.

“Shut up. I need a cigarette. Come on.” A.J.’s tone further depicted his annoyance. Nick laughed again; he knew he could have fun with this.

“You don’t want to pose for a picture? Like old times?” He grinned.

“Don’t make me regret picking you up.” A.J. forced a smile at a camera, and sped up his pace.

“But I wanna stay! We need a real picture. Come one A.J. Please??? Let’s give the public what they want.” Nick started nagging.

“One fucking picture and we’re out.” They stood by each other and smiled for the cameras. They took a couple pictures and A.J. bolted for the door. Nick chuckled as he followed him out. He loved picking on A.J. It was too easy to push his buttons. Once outside, A.J. pulled out a cigarette and got in his truck, leaving Nick to load his own luggage.

“You picked me up in this?” Nick joked about his range rover (even though he found it did suit him well) as he closed the passenger door, “We need to get you a new car.”

“No way!” He exclaimed as he took a drag, flicking the ashes out the window. “This beats all your fancy cars. Could you see me in a Mercedes?” He put the car in drive and left the terminal loading zone.

“You use to own one! You’re just jealous you don’t have one anymore.”

“Different time, different person.” A.J. took another drag while changing lanes.

“Thanks for picking me up Alex.” Nick changed the subject, recognizing the change of tone in his voice. They didn’t talk much about the past with each other; it was better to be left alone.

“You getting soft on me dude?” A.J. teased.

“I can go back to being annoying.” Nick threatened.

“When are you not annoying?” A.J. laughed, “Glad you called me; although I’m surprised you didn’t let the company send you a driver. You know how much I hate airports now a day.”

“I didn’t want to miss out on our quality time,” Nick smirked, “Besides 8 miles isn’t worth a driver.” They merged onto 405 North towards Santa Monica when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out and sighed as he ignored the message. A.J. saw the disappointment in his expression as he put the phone back into his pocket.

“Not who you wanted to hear from?” He asked curiously.

Nick shook his head, “Just nothing important.”

“Ah, you and Renee fighting?”

“What? No. We’re fine.” A.J’s assumption took him by surprise. How did he know? He hadn’t once mentioned her.

“I may not see you much Nick, but you can’t bullshit me.”

“It’s nothing.” Nick commented. He didn’t want to rehash everything right now. He knew he would eventually tell A.J. but talking about it would only make it more real and right now he didn’t want to think about the possibilities. But A.J. prodded.

“Come on Nick, spill it.”

Nick hesitated before answering, choosing his words carefully with little hint to what was going on, “She’s mad at me.”

“When is she not?” A.J. joked, trying to lighten
the mood.

“No, never mind. It’s nothing.” Nick changed the subject, “God I’ve missed this place.” He watched the palm trees and the buildings pass as they drove along the freeway, the Santa Monica Mountains in the distance.

“It’s been awhile bro. The weathers fucking nice, I bet you loved stepping out of the airport.” A.J. followed suit, he knew better than to push things any further.

“I can’t wait to be on the beach. I fucking miss it.” The beach was what brought Nick to Santa Monica. His love affair started with his first visit in his early twenties. He surfed frequently there and soon began to love the city. It was an ideal location for work being close to downtown L.A.

“You’re the one who moved to the Midwest and wanted to play daddy.” A.J. teased.

“Like I had a choice,” Nick smiled, “it’s not that bad, just makes me love this place even more when I come.”

“Don’t forget the alone time.” What was that? The idea of having time to his self was idealic. Those words weren’t much of his vocabulary anymore, not that they ever were; he was never alone. He was more than just a celebrity now; he had a family that depended on him. The transition had proven more difficult than he imagined. He had to find his self again outside of the group as his roles changed.

“So what’s on your schedule while you’re here?” A.J. asked, curious about Nick’s business.

“Oh, the usual. Meet with the agent; discuss the contract with the record company about my song. Probably listen to what they want to change about it. It was so much easier writing songs for me; less people to please.”

“You do remember how long it took us to get that freedom? And I do remember there still being contracts.”

“Why do you have to ruin it with specifics? If I wanted that I would have called Howie.”

“Lord knows we don’t need that Latino business man running around,” A.J. laughed, “Do you know who your artist is yet?”

“Yes. I meet with them later this week to record the song with the producers.”

“Them? Are you working with a group?” A.J. asked his face glowing with excitement.

"No, I just can’t reveal who it is yet till the song is released. You do remember privacy contracts?” Nick teased.

“Ah, do I ever.”

“I’m excited about the collaboration though. The song should be sick.” Nicks’ excitement rose as they came closer to the condo. He could see it up the road and couldn’t wait to get there.

“I bet it’ll be great Nicky.”

“God help me if I have to hear you call me that all week. I’m not a kid anymore.” They both laughed.

“But you’ll always be younger than me.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Nick rolled his eyes. No matter how hard he tried, he was always going to have that nickname. A.J. pulled into the circle drive lined with palm trees and parked the car near the entrance of the building.

“Do you need help bro?” He asked as Nick stepped out.

“Now you ask me, where was the help when you picked me up?” He opened the back door and pulled out his luggage.

“It interfered with my smoking, besides I didn’t really want to carry your shit anyway.” He spoke through the window.

“You never do.” Nick laughed.

“Alright, alright, don’t forget my show this week. You’re gonna be able to make it right?” A.J. asked. There’s the real reason for his interest in my plans.

“Hell yeah, I’m not going to miss it. This city has missed me long enough.” Nick grinned.

“I’m sure they’ve had enough,” A.J. laughed, “Call me later.”

“You do know people text nowadays?” Nick joked.

“Do you know how hard it is to understand yours with your ghetto language? Crazy is spelled with a ‘y’ not two ‘e’s’.”

“Whatever, see you later Alex.” Nick stepped away from the truck and watched as he drove away. He turned towards the modern high rise building with its steel and glass balconies and smiled. A sense of warmth spread through him, not from the sun, although it did warm his skin, but from the memories of his crash pad by the beach. He was back, and it felt good.


Upon entering he was greeted with the warmth from the sun. The glass curtain wall expanded the length of the unit, letting the light pour in, illuminating the living, kitchen and dining spaces. It was a wide space, somewhat irregular for condo’s which were typically narrow. He had the walls removed from the two rooms, combining them during renovation shortly after purchasing it. The spaces were painted white to further create the felling of openness. The living room was anchored with a gas fireplace, HD TV above, clad in Japanese maple. The same wood was carried onto the floors, except for the bedroom.

He sat down his luggage by the door and walked into the living room. A dark gray sofa visually separates the two rooms, complemented with a pair of mid-century modern chairs. Accessories were minimal, as were pillows chosen in shades of military green and orange. He remembered disagreeing with Renee on the color choices, his argument that the condo was purchased for him and therefore should be a reflection of his taste, won out in the end.

He finally reached the windows and admired the view of the ocean in the distance; one of the features of the building that won him over. He was captivated by its beauty, like it was the first time he saw it. Its sparkly blues and greens called his name. He opened the glass door and stepped onto the balcony. The sounds of the traffic coming from the streets below couldn’t shake his concentration on the ocean. He longed to be on the beach, to feel the sand on his bare feet, between his toes. To skim the water with his hands, but that would have to wait. The smile on his face faded as he remembered his appointments today. He groaned as he forced himself back into the room.

He returned to his luggage and carried it to the bedroom to undress. His travel clothes were not going to suit his business adventures today. One foot into the room and you could feel the difference from the other spaces. The floor was carpet, the walls were painted a light blue, and the windows were covered with a layer of draperies for darkness and privacy. A welcoming king size bed centered the space. He sat the suitcase on the bed and unzipped it. He started setting his clothes aside on the bed, when he removed his hat and scratched his head. The realization that he may have hat head dawned on him and he quickly walked into the bathroom to check it out. He turned on the lights revealing natural stone materials and wooden cabinetry, accented with glass and silver fixtures. He looked at himself in the mirror; his hair was not as bad as he feared. He mentally told himself he could fix it, and returned back to his suitcase for his shaving bag. He sat the bag by the sink, unzipped it and rummaged through it pulling out a comb and hair gel. There once was a time when he felt it was a very girly thing to do, to coif his hair, but it was something he grew accustomed to with his work. Kevin had convinced him at a young age that it was considered grooming. He chuckled at the memory of him showing him how to style it, as he fixed his hair.

Once his hair was in good condition, he checked his phone for the time. He didn’t have much to spare. He carefully lifted his shirt above his head, trying to avoid messing up his hair. He made another mental not to remind himself to undress first then style hair. He changed into a pair of dark blue jeans, a gray t-shirt, and a black jacket. He looked himself over in the mirror, decided he looked appropriate, and gathered his personal affects. He took a deep breath to shake off the nerves in his stomach, and left with the hope that today would end better than it started.

He slammed the door shut, letting out some frustrations from the day. He emptied the contents of his pocket onto the console table in the foyer and marched to the living room. He flung himself on the sofa, stretched his legs out, tilted his head back, and closed his eyes. He took several deep breaths and exhaled slowly. He wanted to relax, clear his thoughts from the disappointment of his meeting. Needless to say, his gut was right. They wanted to change parts of the lyrics he felt were crucial to the integrity of the song.

He put his heart into this song; every song he wrote was special to him. It took time to find the right tempo and mix of words to create the sound he envisioned. Now having to make changes he felt weren’t necessary, tested his abilities. He took it harder than usual since this song held personal meaning to him. Every song represented some part of him or aspect of his life he could relate to. He took pride in his songs. When he decided to write songs for other artists he hoped to make a difference. Now all he felt was discouraged.

It seemed to be the theme of the day. Nothing was going as he hoped. The song was a minor setback, something he could control the outcome of. However, there were other things on his mind blocking his thought process. He could never write while angry; always had to have a clear conscious to be creative. He knew what he had to do to clear his mind, but he knew it wasn’t going to be easy.

He hadn’t received one phone call, one text, all day. No acknowledgement of his arrival, no recognition of his text. Nothing. The silence was killing him. How much longer did he have to wait for her? He learned early on to give her the emotional space she needed when they argued. Sometimes it would only take a matter of hours or a day for her to calm down; no matter how long the waiting frustrated him. He’d rather talk something through and solve it quickly than have it fog his thoughts. His leg started to shake as his thoughts ran through his mind, his frustration coming to the surface again. He craved contact with her. Especially since she wasn’t near. “Damn it!” He cursed as he sat up to retrieve his phone from the foyer. He knew he had to confront her before it consumed him more.

He scrolled through his contacts and pressed send when he found her. He took another deep breath as the phone ringed, hoping she would answer.

“Hey.” The voice was soft, quiet. He pictured her not knowing what else to say.

“Hi. Did I interrupt anything?”

“No. Just put the boys down for the night. Do you want me to see if they are awake? I doubt they are asleep yet.”

“Oh, I forgot what time it is there. Guess I’ve had other things on my mind that I forgot about the time difference.” It wasn’t all a lie. He sat back down, calculating what time it would be there even though he knew when the boys went to bed.

“Three time zones Nick.” She replied as if she was reading his mind.

“How’d you know I was thinking about that?”

“I could hear your mind thinking. How else?” the sarcasm did not make him laugh.

“Guess I’m that easy to read.”

“Yes,” she agreed, “What’s up Nick? I know you didn’t call to BS.”

“Are we ok? I haven’t heard from you today.” Nick asked not knowing how else to start the conversation.

“Been a busy day at work. In fact right now is the first time I’ve had to sit down.”

“Would have to be since I didn’t hear back from you.” Annoyance prominent in his voice. He knew he’d have to get to the point to get her to start speaking.

“What?” a brief pause, “Oh shit. I forgot to reply to your text.”

“I’ve been worried about you all day. And that’s your apology?” the anger slowly building from within.

“Worried about me? Are you sure you’re not trying to pick a fight?”

“Damn it Renee, don’t do this. Don’t turn things back on me. These are the most words you’ve spoken to me in three days; can we have a real conversation?”

“Are you ready to admit there’s a problem?” She countered back.

“I admit I shouldn’t have kept it hidden from you for so long, but there’s really nothing wrong with me. I’m only doing the appointment to please you.”

“God Nick. You really think you’re ok? That this will blow over? I know you’re scared but this is only going to get worse until you face the fact that there is something wrong. You’re not invincible, you need help and you’re too proud to admit it.”

“So, what? You’re saying I’m in denial? I’m not. I admit I’m not in the best shape, but I’m doing something about it. It’s just a phase, something that will pass.”

“What was it that you said to me? That you’ve had several episodes? It wasn’t the first time it happened to you. It will not pass Nick.”

“Why can’t you listen to me? I know my body, I would know if something was wrong.”

“You hid this Nick! Why aren’t you listening to yourself? Stop blaming me for your insecurities.”

“I’m insecure? Who can’t speak to me for three days? How childish is that Renee? And I still haven’t received an apology for today.”

“Wow,” she paused in shock, “You’re right Nick. I’m sorry for being selfish. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you when I was upset. I’m sorry that my concern for you has made me distant. Most of all I’m sorry I tried to help you. Clearly you don’t want it.” She sniffled as she finished.

His heart sunk, he knew instantly when he threw those words out that it was in the heat of the moment. He didn’t intend to make her cry, to upset her more. All he wanted to do was hear her voice, know she was ok. He feared he made it worse.

“Babe, I know you’re worried. I don’t know why I said that, I…” He was interrupted.

“Don’t do that Nick. You can’t take it back now. This is why I didn’t say anything, why I’ve been quiet. You can’t expect to make things better by blaming me for something I have the right to be upset about. Thanks for once again proving what an asshole you are.”

“Babe…” she cut him off.

“The fact that you don’t think you need help, means you need it even more. Good night Carter.” He rested his head in his hands while her words sank in. She was right; he was an ass.


I didn’t know what woke me, I wanted to be asleep, yet my mind had other plans. I was exhausted from the long day between work and managing the boys by myself, hell maybe from the past three days. I hadn’t got a good night’s sleep all weekend. Ever since that night it’s been on my mind. It keeps replaying like a bad dream you wake up from and hope you never have again. Every time I pray for a different outcome, but it always ends the same way.

As I lay alone in our bed I roll over and look at the spot where he lays, and feel water fill my eyes. I always missed him when he was gone; the bed seemed bigger when he wasn’t in it. Yet I knew he was still here in my heart, I pictured him sound asleep next to me, safe and healthy. I didn’t want to think about anything happening to him. The thought scared me. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Without his laughter, his silly jokes, his smile when he looks at me. His big heart he shared with me. Or use to. I was upset; maybe too upset but the news shocked me. Sure I could blame the alcohol but that’s cowardly and false. The night was full of surprises and that topped it all. I couldn’t comprehend his words at first; I didn’t want to hear that there was something wrong with him. I was scared, still am.

The next day was rough. Anyone could sense the tension between us; the cold exchanges, the glances when we were in the same room together. I knew I should say something, do something, but I couldn’t do it just yet. I needed time to figure out my emotions, my thoughts about this. I had plenty. I was worried and still furious at him. How could he do this? How could he be so blind? Why he was not worried about it? I knew in fact that he was, or he would have shared the news sooner. Knowing that he thought it was serious only frustrated me more. That there was something that could hurt him. It may have been selfish to leave things unfinished before he left, but it was easier. Why stress about something you don’t know is certain yet? He hadn’t had the appointment; I was dooming him before he knew anything was wrong. But my gut wouldn’t let it be, it was unsettled and wouldn’t quit. I knew it was bad, I saw it. Lord knew how many instances he had before I saw it. That thought irritated me more, him going through this by himself, too proud to lean on me for support. Why would he? He clearly thought I would overreact when he told me. Maybe I did. Or maybe I didn’t. Maybe I acted like anyone would when the love of their life was hurting. Frustrated, I rolled over; I couldn’t lie in the same place anymore. My mind was making me restless.

His voice tonight made my heart ache. I wanted to be weak, to break down and tell him everything was ok. To let him think I wasn’t mad, that I was here for him. But I knew I couldn’t let him win. Sure that sounds petty, but if I did he wouldn’t admit what I knew was in his head. I had to make him realize he was in denial. That he needed to wake up and see the only fight he was having was with himself and not me. I was just a scapegoat for something bigger. It worked for a while, until he threw it back at me. I should have expected it, seen it coming. He has never been afraid to hurt my feelings, to speak his mind. It’s what I admire about him. If only I could do that as easily as him then we wouldn’t be in this predicament. I cursed myself. I wanted to be mad at him and yet I was becoming mad at myself. How silly! Ugh Carter, these twisted webs we spin. Will it ever end?

“Thank you! L.A. I FUCKING love you!” A.J. shouted to the cheering crowd as he exited the stage. “Shit, I don’t remember all this sweat. I look like I poured water on myself.” He motioned to Nick for a towel sitting on an amplifier.

“Here you go Grandpa McLean.” He smirked as he tossed the towel to him.

A.J. caught it and wiped his forehead, “Go fuck yourself.” He continued to wipe the rest of the sweat off his face as he walked to a stool and took a seat. He inhaled deeply to regain his breath. He caught Nick in his peripheral vision and noticed his relaxed frame and glassy eyes. “You look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

Nick couldn’t wipe the grin off his face, “Just enjoying your music.” He took a swig and finished the last bit of alcohol in his glass, “You killed it J.”

“I feel like I killed myself.” He watched Nick fumble with the glass as he placed it on the table by the worn sofa he was sitting on. Watching him feel his alcohol made A.J. crave a cigarette even more than he already was. He looked around at his belongings and spotted his pack. When it was in his hands he opened it, pulled one out and lit it. After one puff he felt whole again.

“You couldn’t wait till we got outside? I don’t think you can do that back here.” Nick whispered.

“It’s LA. You can do whatever the fuck you want to.” A.J. took another drag and exhaled. He could tell it was going to be a long night having to put up with Nick and his changing moods.

“This week has been fucking nice. You have no idea how much I’ve needed to relax.”

“I think you are sobering up.” A.J. spotted a bar worker pass through and shouted at her, “I need another one for my friend here!” The young lady nodded upon her exit.

“Aw, are you trying to get me drunk? Take advantage of me later? J, I don’t think I roll that way.”

“Don’t make me regret having you here.” He said with a blank stare on his face. The young lady walked back in with a drink for Nick. He accepted it with his Carter smirk. A.J. shook his head, always the heartbreaker.

“You have a wife Nick.”

“Who isn’t speaking to me,” Nick took a big gulp of his drink and relaxed as the alcohol poured through his veins. A.J.’s curiosity was roused. He sensed there was something more happening in his friends’ life, but he resisted the urge to question it. Tonight was about enjoying the evening with his longtime friend.

“What must we do next? Hit the strip?” A.J. put out his cigarette and pulled out another. Nick’s face lit up like he had received a new video game, “Is that a yes?”

“Hell ya! Let’s fuck some shit up!”

***

"Get in the fucking car Nick!" A.J. yelled as he stood next to the open door. He was reaching his limit with his drunk friend. Nick resisted yet again,

"I don't want to go! You can't make me." Nick paced in the parking lot.

"You can't go back in, you made that fucking clear when you started a fight with the bouncer!"

"He had it coming!" He continued to pace, this time stumbling on his feet as he turned.

"Shit Nick, look at you! I don't know what you are thinking but knock it off. Get in the car!" A.J. grabbed his arm and started pulling him to the door. "Stop fighting. You're acting like a fucking child!"

"She started this. I didn't do shit."

"Who started what Nick?"

"I am NOT in denial. I'm fucking Nick Carter, there is nothing that can hurt me."

"Get in the car Nick," A.J. released his hold from his arm, "We can talk about this later. Right now we need to go." The paparazzi were getting closer with their cameras. They had lost them, but their time was running out.

"No! I don't fucking care if they see us!" Nick walked away, pacing again.

"If you don't get in this fucking car now I'm leaving you here!"

"Fine! I'll walk home!" Nick stumbled on his feet again, this time, A.J. caught him before he fell down.

"Fuck Nick, please just get in the car."

"It's beating so fast. Why is it beating so fast? I can't be sick, I can't be sick." Nick repeated.

"If you're going to vomit, do it in the grass."

"Everythings spinning Alex." Nick vomited before they reached the grass.

"Fuck," A.J. turned back and noticed the paparazzi call one of their names, "Nick we gotta go." He vomited again. A.J.'s concern for his friend overshadowed his anger, "Come on Nick, let's get you home." He pulled him up and walked towards the door. His lack of resistance had A.J. concerned.

"It hurts Alex. Why does it hurt?" a pit formed in A.J.'s stomach, that was the second time he had called him Alex.

"What does?"

"I can't breathe. No! Not the front seat, I need to lie down." Nick's right hand was on his chest. A.J. closed the passenger door and opened the back door. Nick crawled into the seat and laid down on his side. Once his feet were in, A.J. closed the door and hurried around the back to the driver side door. Once inside the car, he noticed a rancid smell, he turned to see vomit running down the seat. Nick still had one hand on his chest, "Fuck Nick, we're gonna get you home." He put the keys in the ignition and heard a faint voice as he pulled out of the stall, "I'm not gonna make it home."

I stared at the drawings sprawled out on the desk in my office and let them consume my thoughts. I delved into the fictional world that I had designed. I loved being able to take a concept and envision the bigger picture on paper. It was exciting to see it come to life once finished with color. I felt proud of the finished product that Marc was going to view today. After we received the job he was quick to point out some areas of concern, it took me all week to make the changes for Friday's meeting. I knew he would be pleased with them, yet the pit in my gut grew. I placed a hand on my stomach and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and let it out. I'll be damned if I was going to be anxious about this.

I turned my attention to the door as I heard a short knock. Jenni was standing in the doorway carrying two Starbucks cups, “I thought you could use a coffee break.”

“Those smell heavenly. Thank you.” I walked over in my black wide legged pants and accepted the tall coffee from Jenni’s hand. I let the aroma fill my senses as I took a drink.

“Anything to help. I know how tense the week has been for you.”

“Has it? I hadn’t noticed.” I played it cool. I didn’t like being anything but professional at work.

“No need to be coy with me Renee. Anyone could sense that; I just assume it’s because of Nick being gone for the week.” The thought of him when she spoke his name arose the fear in my body that I kept pushing away. I tried telling myself that I was upset with him, but I knew in my heart it was my fear of losing him, of something threatening our relationship that scared me.

“It’s always a bit more tiring while he’s gone but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“I don’t know how you work and manage to take care of two boys while he’s off partying.”

"Excuse me?" I asked confused by the change of direction in the conversation. I crossed my arms with coffee still in hand.

“Didn’t you see the TMZ coverage last night? They caught Nick and A.J. outside a strip club.” I tried to comprehend why my intern was looking into my life, yet was somehow amused at the idea of her searching celebrity gossip on her time off.

"Last night was A.J.'s performance. I'm sure he was out." I declared quickly, trying to end the conversation before it began.

"Yes, he was. He looked rather intoxicated and they were arguing." Jenni stood before me casually relaying the events. I couldn't for the life of me understand why this was important for me to hear. Why would she tell me this before a meeting? The anger started to rise.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I’m sorry, I knew it was a gamble to mention it, but he just looked far gone, it was not good. I just thought you should know.”

"Jenni, there will always be media surrounding my husband, it's never how it looks on TV or the internet. Those companies skew everything. I think we should get back to work now. Thanks again for the coffee."

"Yes, Renee." Jenni bowed her head as she walked out. I was stunned. What just happened? Did I just get filled in on my husband's doings from my 21-year-old intern? Was the coffee just a scapegoat to come and talk about Nick? I didn't know whether to be upset or concerned at the idea of Nick being caught drunk. I didn't like the idea of what happened the last time he had been drinking. And the arguing? It didn't sound good, but I wasn't going to look into it. I learned early on in our relationship that watching or reading any paparazzi news only brought trouble. I chuckled at the thought of them outside of a strip club, no doubt initiated by A.J. If it were true, I knew it was harmless.

Shaking the events that just happened out of my head, I turned to look at the drawings once more before Marc's arrival and felt something warm hit my chest. "Shit!" I cursed as I dropped the cup to grab my shirt. I pulled it away from my skin to stop the burning. This was the worst thing to happen. I couldn't meet him with a stain on my shirt. I looked around the office for something to wipe it up with and saw nothing. No towels, tissues, anything? Damn it Renee. I cursed myself for being unprepared. I needed to change my shirt and do it quickly. I had a spare shirt in my bag for a meeting at the school that was more casual. I untucked the sleeveless black silk shirt from my pants and walked to my bag for the new shirt. I pulled off the black one and reached for the pale pink blouse when I heard a familiar low-pitched voice.

"Hope I'm not too late, I got held up in traffic." Marc had entered the office. I squeezed my eyes shut and cursed myself again for not closing the door before I started stripping. I quickly took the shirt and covered my bra. I looked at him and was paralyzed. How embarrassing!

“Marc, I…” I stumbled to speak as he cut me off.

“Oh! I’m sorry! I should have knocked first. I shouldn’t have just walked right in here.”

“No, I had the door open. It’s my fault.” I apologized quickly as I felt my cheeks flush.

“Well, I, I’ll let you finish up.” He stuttered as he turned around for me to finish dressing. I dropped the shirt and threw on the new one like my life depended on it. I jammed the other into the bag, no longer concerned about the stain on it. I then noticed the cup on the floor and went to pick it up.

Marc heard my movement and peeked over his shoulder as I reached for the cup. “Did you have an accident?”

I stood up and caught his dark brown eyes looking directly at me, I swallowed, “Yeah clumsy me spilled the coffee. I forgot to close the door.”

“Well if you need a minute I understand. We don’t have to do this right now.”

“Oh no, I’m ready. I’m just embarrassed.”

“Well, I will be professional.”

“Good because I may need some help.” I shied away from him.

He reached out and touched my arm, “I doubt you will.” I felt the nervousness fade away with his touch. Just as soon as he reached for me, he let go and shifted focus to the drawings. “Are these them? They already look great from here.” He walked over to the desk and picked one up.

I watched as he held the lobby drawing in his hand and studied my work. He was wearing dark blue jeans with a sweater and a black jacket. It was the most casual I’ve seen him, even his brown hair was messy.

“I hoped you’d like them. I think the changes make a big difference.” I stood next to him and caught a whiff of his cologne. I breathed it in, it smelled good. It had been a week since I had smelled Nick’s and I missed it. I didn’t realize how much until now. I let my mind wonder to Nick that I didn’t hear Marc speaking to me.

“They’re great, I knew you could pull it off.” Marc turned to me, “Renee? Renee are you alright?” He touched my arm again and I flinched.

“Are you sure we don’t need to reschedule?” He asked concerned.

“I’m sorry, I seem to be distracted today.” I rubbed my forehead and walked away from him. He sat the drawings back down on the desk and waited for me to speak.

"I just got some news about Nick, it's why I spilled my coffee. It's why I just froze right there."

“Ah, is he ok?”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure he’s great.”

He raised his eyebrows, “’Are you?” I didn’t know how to answer that. I actually couldn’t understand why I was having this conversation, why I let myself get distracted at work. This was unlike me.

“I don’t know.” The words slipped out before I could take them back.

"Here, sit." Marc motioned to the gray sofa by the door. He moved his briefcase to clear a spot for me. I followed.

“Just take a minute.” His responses were short and to the point. It was easy to relax with how calmly he was approaching all of this.

“Thank you for handling this so professionally.”

“I take that’s important to you,” he chuckled, “Don’t worry about today. We all have personal lives. I’m sorry you and Nick are struggling.”

“I wouldn’t say that. He’s in LA this week, I just miss him.”

“I thought you said you just learned some news about Nick?”

“Oh, I did. I just found out he was caught drunk on camera last night. It’s nothing new, I just wish he were here instead.” I got up from the sofa. This conversation was too personal for my comfort. “Do you have any questions or concerns about the drawings?”

“No, I don’t have a negative remark about them. I can picture the space beautifully. Let’s do it.”

“Really? That’s great!” I was surprised and delighted I didn’t have to redo any work again. Now we could get started on the exciting parts of the project. “I will finalize the material selections and give the specifications to the project manager and we’ll start the purchasing process.”

"I'm looking forward to it." He stood up and reached for his briefcase. He walked towards the door, stopped and turn to me, "Don't be embarrassed about today. I've never worked with someone as talented and honest as you," he lingered his gaze on me for a few moments before exiting, "Oh, and don't worry much about Nick. He'll come back to you." I was left speechless.