August sighed as Carmen dragged her inside the building. Of all the places she could possibly be in Orlando that night, this was one of her last choices of where to spend a Friday night. She’d made mention of this several times, being the person that she was. But Carmen, being the person she was, had ignored her.

The one thing August had been looking forward to upon entering the building was the air conditioning. Being summer, Florida was more than hot. Just standing in the humidity was torture enough. But she was disappointed. Due to the activity and massive amount of people, the temperature was almost just as horrible inside.

Her ears were filled with the sound of ghetto dance music. Some rapper was poorly belting out lyrics at a rapid pace. Needless to say, it wasn’t the genre of music she had in her CD player at home.

The dance floor was packed with people who did love this noise though. The girls were in various states of undress, with short skirts, skimpy halter tops, high heeled shoed types of ensemble. The smell of alcohol was everywhere. It had also lowered inhibitions on the dance floor, as no one seemed to be leaving anyone else personal space.

Ah, a club.

Carmen found one of the last available tables, which, to August’s relief, was in a corner further away from the speakers. There were multi-colored lights streaking the dance floor, but they were nearer the bar, so the atmosphere was slightly darkers.

“Why couldn’t you have gotten someone else to come with you?” she said, loudly enough for Carmen to hear her.

“Most people have gone home for the summer. Besides, you just got here yesterday.”

“Couldn’t we have gone somewhere else? I hate this kind of music. I can’t dance. We can’t drink.”

This was an 18 and over club. Although the majority of the populous was of age, we had some tuning 21 to do.

“Where would we go? The library?” Carmen laughed. “If you’d relax a little, maybe you’d actually have a good time.”

I know exactly how she feels, someone thought from a table over. He was sitting in the corner of the club, where the lighting could help disguise his identity. Like her, he’d been talked into it.

“Man, B, only you could come here and be drinking a Coke,” AJ rolled his eyes, taking a chug out of his own beer.

He’d been listening to the two girls’ conversation behind him, glad he wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to be here. But AJ had talked him into it.

“Wow, look at that babe,” AJ peered over his sunglasses, which were tinted a shade of blue to match his hat.

Brian just laughed. He didn’t consider any of these girls his type. Too many of them were intoxicated, and it was still relatively early. If their clothes said anything about them, then they were materialistic. And…

Well, he shouldn’t be judging all of these people he didn’t know. He was just in a bad mood, and had had enough of that type of girl to last him a lifetime. If he’d misjudged those he thought he’d known forever, how could he start making assumptions based on a visual first impression?

Brian adjusted the baseball cap over his head.

“Chill, dude,” AJ said. “No one’s going to recognize you. You’ve hidden us in the corner… Heck, look at Kevin. He’s dancing with some girl and she doesn’t even know who he is. There aren’t any twelve year olds here.”

He laughed, but kept his hat on. It’s true that this crowd wasn’t their target audience at the moment, but he’d been identified at way more peculiar places. You couldn’t be too careful. AJ took another few sips of his beer, obviously wanting to hurry up and finish so that he could start dancing with some girls like Kevin was. Brian started listening to the other table’s conversation again, trying to ignore his conscience, which was telling him that he was eavesdropping.

“You realize that I’m going to rub off on you, right?” Carmen said. “There may come a day where you’d rather go club hopping them… treehugging or something.”

August laughed. “Because what I usually do on Saturday nights? Hug trees?” She’d made a comment to Carmen earlier today about her using so many Styrofoam cups and throwing them out. Think of how much waste that was putting into the landfills?

“I’m just saying. No offense, because I love ya and everything, but I think you missed College Student 101.”

“You know you’re right,” August said. “I must have been chained to a hundred year Oak that day.”

Brian was absent-mindedly taking a sip of his drink when he started to laugh. The soda went down his throat one, and he started coughing.

AJ turned back to him. “You okay, Rok?” Smiling, he hit him on the back, as if food was lodge in Brian’s throat. But as AJ was on his third or so drink, he did this a little hard. The force caused Brian to drop the drink, which was still in his hand. It splashed onto his lap and then onto the floor. As he looked to see the damage to the floor, he could see the two girls in his peripheral. Speaking of first impressions, he thought.

AJ was laughing hysterically at him by this point. Brian was only relieved that none of the other fellas had witnessed this moment. Kevin was immersed in the music, Howie was either dancing or getting another drink at the bar, and Nick hadn’t come out tonight, probably due to Kevin’s continual reminder that sometimes he was too young to hang out with the rest of them.

August wiped her leg, where a few drops of the guy’s drink had gotten on her. There were two people at the table, but the one was blocking the other’s face. She could only see the side of his head and wavy brown hair coming out under his cap as he peered at the floor, but he looked strangely familiar.

“I’m going to go get some napkins,” Brian told AJ, ignoring his cackling. He stood up and turned, making eye contact with the brunette for the first time. He felt so stupid. Figures that the one sober guy in the club was the one being this clumsy. Face getting hot, he wanted to get out of her sight as quickly as possible.

In his haste, though, he slipped on the slick, soda covered floor. A few seconds later, he was facing the ceiling. There was no repairing this embarrassment. Realizing that he was now drawing other people’s attention, and not wanting this story on his to get out, he muttered a goodbye to AJ. AJ didn’t say anything in response, as he was clutching his side from snickering so much.

August felt bad for the guy. Funny as it had looked, she knew she would want to crawl into a hole and die if that had happened to her.

“Wow, what a clutz,” Carmen said. “Come on. Is there any way I can get you to come dance?”

“Ha. No. I’d have just as many people laughing at me as that guy did.”

“Alright. Well I’ll be back in two songs, okay?” Carmen asked. August nodded and immediately felt stupid to be sitting there by herself.

She decided to get a soda, but when she reached for her purse, she discovered it wasn’t there. When they’d gotten out of the car, August had still been trying to talk her into going somewhere else. The purse was probably still sitting in her seat, as August had been too distracted too grab it.

August grabbed Carmen’s purse, not wanting to leave it unattended and needing her car keys, and headed outside, after motioning to Carmen she’d be right back. Where did we park, she racked her brain. It hadn’t even been a half hour. She found that she was still feeling sorry for that guy and wandering where she’d seen him before.

She soon found the car, grabbed what she needed and headed back to the side door of the club, walking alongside the next door building. She noticed a bench by going this route, and saw the soda spiller sitting on it. There was a streetlight nearby, but it wasn’t close enough to rid all of the shadows. August was wondering if she could turn around and go the other way, but suddenly he was looking at her, too.

Feeling awkward, she asked, “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah. Slightly embarrassed, but I guess I’ve experienced worse,” he laughed slightly. He was pleased to note that she didn’t look like she recognized him, having initially been skeptical of whether or not she’d purposefully searched for him. It wasn’t often anymore that he got to talk to girls who didn’t already know who he was. Still, to be safe, he said, “So what are you doing out here?”

She held up her purse. “I wanted to buy something to drink.”

“Well if I wrung out my clothes, I could probably come up with a decent sized glass of Coke for you,” he flashed a grin.

Even the shadows couldn’t hide that beautiful smile. August smiled back and felt her heart beat slightly faster. He was really friendly, but the familiarity was all in his personality. And his tinge of southern twang didn’t hurt, either. She was sure they’d never spoken before, so why did she feel as if they had?

“Wait,” she thought about what he said. “You were drinking… Coca-Cola?”

Now Brian really laughed. “Of course. You think I seemed drunk or something? I’m naturally that coordinated.”

“Oh, of course.”

“Hey, what’s taking you so long… Oh,” Carmen came out and realized who August was talking to. “Wow, didn’t think you be the one of us picking up guys tonight.”

August rolled her eyes, but Brian noticed that she also blushed slightly.

“Anyway, I’m not having any luck with guys today, and I know you don’t want to be here. So do you want to just go?” Carmen asked her.

“Uh. Sure,” August said, trying to hide her disappointment. She was having fun talking to this guy, whoever he was.

“Nice meeting you,” Brian said, sorry that their conversation was cut short.

She told him the same and then followed her friend to their car. Brian decided to wait another a few minutes. He’d wanted to let him clothes dry some. He didn’t want to mess up the inside of his jeep with soda.

August buckled herself into the passenger seat of Carmen’s car. “Alright, my turn to pick a CD.”

“Oh, I wonder what it’ll be,” Carmen said sarcastically.

August had just gotten it earlier this month, the week it came out. She’d rarely listened to any other music since.

“When I said we could take turns choosing the music whenever I drove us somewhere, I didn’t realize that you were always going to choose the same freaking thing!”

August ignored her, dramatically singing, “Eeeee aaaahhh ha ha ha ha ha ha.” Turning to Carmen, she added the “Woo!” She practically had the album memorized already. She closed the CD case and started to put it in the side door compartment when she glanced at the cover. She held it up as Carmen started backing out of her parking spot. August stared at the guy second from the left. She tried to envision him smiling.

No way, she thought. She would’ve realized it, wouldn’t she? He’d look familiar, but he wasn’t famous. Where had his entourage been? His… body guards. Did someone like that just go out like a regular person on a Saturday night?

Of course, she’d never gotten a good look at his face. They both had the same brown hair, but so did lots of other people. Although, was he from Kentucky? And this guy had the country accent.

“Oh my gosh,” August said, still not quite believing it. No, it couldn’t have been. There was no way. She couldn’t be that stupid.

As Carmen pulled to the edge of the parking lot, her lights shined on the guy she’d been talking to. He was walking down the sidewalk, probably on the way to his car and looked before he walked by, to make sure Carmen wasn’t going to pull out. She waited for him before getting onto the road.

But August was thinking about when the lights had shone on his face. Hat or not, there was no mistaking who it was.

She’d been talking to Brian Littrell.

~*~August’s point of view~*~

I was still kicking myself the next night. I had finished unpacking my stuff in Carmen’s guest room. Well, my room now. “It’s Gotta Be You” was blasting on the stereo.

Why? The one time I encountered a celebrity, I couldn’t see them clearly enough to make out who he was. And who’d been sitting with him at the club? I thought back to the sunglasses.

AJ Mclean. It had to have been.

Of course, what would I have done at the time if I had realized who he was? Well, I might’ve asked for an autograph, but I had to give myself some credit. I wasn’t a “teenybopper.” There’s no way I would’ve started crying. I laughed when I saw fans on TRL doing that.

Yeah, maybe that was a little mean. But it was humorous. But how could they be in love with someone they’d never met before? And how could just seeing them be the happiest moment of their lives? I respected the Backstreet Boys and loved their music. But I wasn’t in love with any of them.

Yes, they seemed nice on TV. But who could tell for sure? I hadn’t met any of them (except for Brian, apparently), so for all I knew, fame had gone to their heads, and they were selfish and egotistical. Well, aside from Brian, as I said. He hadn’t seemed either.

Well, even if I never found out how the rest of them were like as people, I had gotten to talk to Brian for a minute. And that was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“Hey, don’t kill me,” Carmen came into my room with a guilty expression on her face.

“Uh-oh. What?”

“I know we were gonna go out to eat tonight, but my boss just called, and Nicole, this chick I work with, is sick with the flu and left early, and they want me to cover for her. Usually, I’d just tell them ‘whatever,’ but I’m hoping they’ll make me a manager soon…”

“Okay, okay. I get it. That’s fine,” I nodded.

“I’m sorry. You know how busy the mall is on a Saturday night.”

“Chill, Carm. I said that it was fine,” I laughed. “I’m not leaving any time soon. What time do you think you’ll get off?”

She worked at Bath and Body Works. “Um… probably 10:30 or 11.”

“Could you give me a ride to Wal-mart and drop me off? I need to get some stuff.” My car had made the long drive to Florida… but it hadn’t lasted a second longer. I was going to pick it up from the shop next week.

“Sure. But how are you going to get home?”

“I’ll call a cab. Or I’ll call your cell, and you can swing back by when you get off. You’ve only got to cover for a few hours.”

“You’re going to hang out in Wal-mart till 11 or so?”

“Well, it’s a popular hang-out spot where I come from.”

“So where you come from there’s absolutely nothing to do? That’s sad,” Carmen commented.

“Hey, not all of us have had the opportunity to live in Florida forever.”

“Whatever. One problem at a time. I’ll deal with your sad idea of a Saturday night another day. You’ve already been to a club this weekend. Even I’m not a miracle worker. Let’s go!”

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

“Man, I told you it’d still be crowded,” I felt like slapping Nick on the back of the head.

“Well, it’ll probably start clearing out soon,” Nick shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. “If I get mobbed by fans…”

“Maybe no one will recognize us.”

“Nick, there are pictures of us all over the store. Especially since Millennium sold the one million copies, it’s being advertized like crazy.” Of course he knew the sales figures as well as I did, but I hadn’t grown tired of saying it yet. I was so proud of this album. It was even more rewarding since three songs I’d co-written had made it onto the CD.

I couldn’t help but smile. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that we’d be so successful. It was a blessing.

But I reminded myself that I was scolding Nick. Success did have its drawbacks. With fame came losing a lot of freedom.

Like being able to go out on a Saturday night. I lowered my Kentucky Wildcats hat. It was becoming a daily part of my attire.

“We couldn’t have come much later, anyway. We have that photo shoot in the morning. And a meeting after that.”

The meeting was to discuss the tour. We were in high demand right now, and would have dates around the world. “So why are we here in the first place?”

“Because you called me and said that you were bored,” Nick said.

“Well, there are a million other places we could’ve gone besides here. Is there something you need to buy?”

Nick smiled mischievously. “Well, when you called me, I was checking my e-mail. And I was reading this…” He handed me a piece of copy paper.

I unfolded it. A heading at the top read “65 Things to do at Walmart.” I skimmed through some of the activities. “If we did some of these, they’d probably kick us out of the store.”

“It’s not like we haven’t been kicked out of plenty of hotels… Of course, that was due to fan hysteria. Not because of anything we did. But still. What’s one more building?” Nick reasoned.

Maybe this was something a teenager would want to do. But I was 24. I was an adult. I couldn’t possibly agree to this.

Although it did look fun.

“Well, I don’t have anything better to do,” I justified.

But he saw the smile I was hiding. “Don’t give me that ‘I’m too old for this’ act. You’re the one who called me the other day, asking if you could come over and play my N64.”

“I try to spend time with you because I think you need to have a mature influence in your life,” I laughed. “So let’s do this.”

He led us over to the toy department. “Set up a battle between the Barbies and G.I. Joes,” he paraphrased.

“Well, we’ve got plenty of Barbies,” I looked at the aisle, which contained everything from scubagear Barbie to a mini-Barbie dressed up as a munchkin from the Wizard of Oz. “I’m not seeing any G.I. Joes, though. They must be outdated… like from Kevin’s childhood.”

“Hmm.. what else could we use?”

I looked one aisle over, and I couldn’t help myself. I guess he was the one who was influencing me. “There are some NSYNC dolls over here.”

“No way!” He rushed over, not believing me until he saw it for himself. “No Strings Attached?” he read the box that contained a Lance Bass.

“I think that’s what their next CD is going to be called.”

We grabbed one of each member. “Hey! You’ve got one, too! I didn’t know there was a Nick Carter doll!” I held up the Justin Timberlake one.

Nick simply rolled his eyes, though he looked like he was restraining himself from throwing a Joey Fatone at me. He got the comparison all the time, both being the young “heartthrobs” of each group. It wasn’t a role I envied.

We set up all their band members facing the Barbie’s. Nick moved the Justin doll in front of Holiday Barbie, singing “I Want You Back,” then motioned the Barbie to smack him. I was just waiting for a reporter to jump out at any moment. What a front page story in the Entertainment section that would be? “Backstreet Boys Having Playtime With NSYNC.”

And that didn’t’ sound right.

Just then, someone did walk by. She stopped when she saw us and stared. It took me a second to realize that she wasn’t staring at us, about to start screaming. I wasn’t trying to sound vain, but that’s what I was used to now.

She was staring at the battle scene we’d created. With a bunch of dolls. Makes you wonder why so many people think of us as “larger than life,” doesn’t it?

Nick smiled sheepishly and stood up.

One I realized I wasn’t going to have to prepare for screaming and hugging, I recognized her. She was the brunette from the club. She was a couple inches shorter than me, and looked like a dwarf next to Nick. Unlike in the dim light last night, I could also see that her eyes were the same shade of blue as my own.

“Hey… fancy running into you again,” I said.

“Yeah.” She looked at the ground. After a pause, she said, “What are you doing?”

“Umm…” Nick stuttered.

“Sixty-five fun things to do at Wal-mart,” I shook my head, my tone as if to say, What else would we be doing?

“Oh, of course. What was I thinking? I mean, it looked like you two were playing with Barbie and… is that NSYNC?”

“Yup. I’m thinking about purchasing JC,” I joked. “They’re my favorite group.” I wondered if she understood the irony? She didn’t seem to know who we were.

“My friend would seriously like one of those,” she shook her head.

“So do you two know each other?” Nick was obviously lost, judging from the expression on his face.

“Sort of. Hi, I’m Brian,” I extended my hand.

She shook it. “August.”

Well, she still hadn’t asked for an autograph. Or proposed marriage. There was no startled expression when I told her my name. August showed no signs of being a fan. But she looked to be a few years younger than me, and as I said, I wasn’t the teenage heart throb of the group. I needed to put her to the test.

“And this is my best friend Nick. Carter.”

She smiled politely. “Nice to meet you.”

Wow.

“Well… I’d better let you finish,” August said after a few seconds of silence.

A fan also wouldn’t miss the opportunity to hang out with two of the Backstreet Boys.

“Or you could stay and help us out,” I didn’t want to miss the only opportunity I’d get to get to know her. Although it suddenly occurred to me that she had no reason to want to stay. She wasn’t starstruck. And as a person, I hadn’t exactly been impression. All she’d seen from me was me spilling and then slipping on my drink and now playing with dolls.

Yeah, Brian. Score.

“Oh. I don’t know…”

“Really? Great, come on,” I pretended like she’d said yes. I would show her that I wasn’t a complete moron.

Nick looked a little annoyed that I hadn’t checked with him first. I sent him a “Is this okay?” looked. He shrugged and then looked pleased that his event was gaining momentum.

“Umm… how about his one? That’d be hilarious,” he read one to us.

“You’re kidding right?” August asked, wide-eyed. She could see that he wasn’t. “All right, be my guest. At least I don’t have a part in this.”

We went to find some towels. August handed me a blue one and Nick a white one. We draped them over our shoulders.

Nick started walking up and down the aisles. Occasionally he’d blurt out, “I am Batman! Come Robin. To the batcave!” and swing his “cape” in true superhero fashion. He even found a boomerang and declared it was his “Baterang.”

“Come on,” I grabbed it from him. “Like Batman’s not already having a bad day and you want to take a key crime-fighting piece of equiptment!” Nick didn’t remember the quote, and simply grabbed it back. August and I laughed.

One family with two daughters who looked about high school age stared at us for a little while. But I think they reasoned that there was no way Backstreet Boys would act like we were acting.

If this was hysteria repellant, I’d be more than happy to dress like Batman and Robin any day.

Nick put his arm around my shoulder and pointed to an employee a good ways away, trying to ignore us so that he didn’t have to deal with the situation.

August smirked. “Aww, you two are pretty as a picture. I guess what they say about Batman and Robin are true?”

“Alright, alright,” I shoved him off of me.

Add homosexual superhero on my ever growing list of impressive character traits.

Nick took on the next task, after we put the towels back. He found his victim: an elderly woman who was grocery shopping. She had glasses on, but was still holding each can of food close to her face and squinting.

“Excuse me?” Nick approached her. The woman turned her squinting from the food to him, but didn’t say anything. “I was wondering… do you have any Gray Poupon?”

Still she just stared at him. His face reddened. He hadn’t been expecting that reaction. Or lack thereof. He stared over at us, helplessly.

“Um… do you have any Gray Poupon?” he repeated to her, louder this time. Still nothing. “I need some. It’s for my… dog.”

I smirked. August clamped her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. “He has no idea what it actually is, does he?”

“Nope!” I laughed. Then stopped. “What is it?”

August looked at me. “Oh. I don’t know. It’s just funny that he doesn’t… maybe he should ask the woman.”

We pulled various other stunts. I began to wonder who had taken the time to create this list, and if they’d ever actually completed every item on the list.

“Your turn,” Nick said.

“Huh?” August asked.

“We’ve done plenty of stuff. Now it’s your turn to do one. You’ve still got a bunch to choose from. This one looks easy.”

“I can’t do that…” she looked at the piece of paper.

“Why not? It’s easy,” Nick repeated.

“Maybe you’re cut out to stalk random people, but I can’t go up to Walmart employees acting crazy. They’ll think I’m.. crazy! There’s no way.”

A few minutes later, we were walking up to the customer service employee.

“Hi, I’d like to put this on layaway,” August said.

The clerk looked at her skeptically. “Huh? Why?”

“Because I don’t have enough money to buy it right now. But I can come back tomorrow and get it.”

“Well…” he looked at the item in question. “You could always just get a different bag tomorrow. We have lots of M&M’s.”

“Yes, but how will I know that this bag is still here?”

I laughed inwardly as she purposefully twitched slightly.

“Well… none of the bags are any different than this one.”

“Actually, the exact number of M&M’s will vary slightly between each bag. Not to mention the ratio of each color,” August corrected him. “I want a bag with the highest proportion of blue ones.”

He stared for a few seconds. He looked to be around my age, and getting tired. I wondered if his shift was ending soon. “But who’s to say that bag has more blue ones than the others do?”

“Oh. I can tell.” She grinned widely. “I have a sixth sense about these things.”

“Wow,” Nick said as we were walking out o the store. “Wow. I can’t believe you got him to do it. You’re really good at pretending your crazy.”

“Who said I was pretending? I could tell that that one had the most blue M&M’s.”

“Okay, just stop. You’re freaking me out,” he said, as she did her crazy smile again.

I laughed. “And just think, you almost weren’t going to do it. Now that guy has a story to tell all of his friends.”

“Well, I’m out guys. See you tomorrow, Brian. Nice meeting you, August!” He gave her a high five.

“You, too,” she said, as he headed towards his car. “Well, it is getting late.”

Ask her out, a voice in my brain was screaming. “Umm… where’s your car? I’ll walk you to it?” was what ended up coming out of my mouth.

“Oh, it died. I’m gonna call my friend and see if she’s gotten off work yet. She’s supposed to pick me up.”

“So you just got dropped off at Walmart tonight? I can give you a ride,” I offered.

“Oh, thanks, but that’s okay. You shouldn’t have to go out of your way. Carmen works right at the mall.”

“It’s no problem, really. I’m not leaving you standing out here by yourself,” I added.

She relented, and we headed to my jeep.

“So how long have you lived in Orlando?”

“Well, I’m at school down here. I was staying on campus and had gone back home for the summer. But Carmen’s roommate dropped out, and she asked if I wanted to move in. So I moved in this weekend. It’s so much nice than where I was living, too. And cheaper.”

“So how old are you? Nineteen?”

“I will be in August.”

“Oh, and your name is August. What a coincidence!” I held the door open for her.

“Yeah, imagine that.”

“That’s how old Nick is, as hard as it is to believe.”

“Nineteen? Are you sure? I was thinking, you know… twelve, thirteen! Of course, you were having fun with the NSYNC dolls, too.”

I hung my head. “I can see that I’m never going to live that down.”

She shook her head. “But, no, I’m really glad I found Carmen. I transferred down here in January. It’s been a semester, but I spent most of it studying and didn’t get a chance to meet to many people or see a lot of Orlando. Or Florida in general.”

We mainly talked about what was good to do here in the summer. She didn’t live too far away, so before I knew it she was saying, “This is the apartment complex right here.”

I pulled over to the side of the street.

“So… it was good running into you. Again,” I finally managed.

“Yeah. You, too. Well… uh, bye,” she opened her door and got out of the jeep.

“Do you want to do something sometime? Maybe I could show you around Orlando… Now that you don’t have classes to worry about,” I offered, surprised that I was getting the words out while my nerves were in overdrive. I barely knew her, but she was so… refreshing compared to most of the people I was dealing with these days.

August stared at me, seeming surprised. I couldn’t tell if that was a good reaction or not. Every second was like a slap in the face. I found myself wishing for an instant, enthusiastic response. Maybe the fans had just spoiled me, though. It was so rewarding to see their smiling faces in concert.

Finally, she said, “Sure… I’d like that.” A slow smile spread across her face. It matched the one already on mine. She wrote down her number, and I drove home not caring about how late it was and how early I had to be up in the morning.

~*~August’s point of view~*~

I had woken up that next morning wondering if it had been a dream or not. Was this what living in Orlando was like? Like the people in Hollywood and L.A. who got used to seeing celebrities walking down the street on a daily basis. I couldn’t imagine getting used to seeing a Backstreet Boy. No matter how many times Brian ever popped up out of nowhere, that part of me that adored their music would always be screaming.

Luckily I could keep that piece of me under control. It was a little weird, since he didn’t seem aware of the fact that I was a fan. But he was a Backstreet Boy. Who wasn’t a fan of theirs? I didn’t really see how it mattered, as long as I didn’t start writing his name on my face with glitter and start brandishing “thank Heaven for Kevin” signs or something absurd.

Just the same, I’d frozen when he asked me out. I couldn’t say yes simply because he was who he was. I’d had to set that obnoxious part of me aside. As well as screaming, it was also constantly reminding me, “He’s Brian Littrell!” But he was so down to earth. He was one of those people that you instantly felt like you’d known forever.

“Where’s your stuff?” Carmen had asked when she’d gotten home that night.

“Oh. I forgot to get anything.”

“What were you doing there all night then?”

Three days later, and I still hadn’t lived it down. I’d gotten caught up in the game.

“What are you doing?” I walked into the living room. Carmen was sitting on the couch.

“Watching the shopping network. Aren’t those diamond earrings gorgeous? Only a few payments…”

I rolled my eyes. “You need to find a cheaper hobby.”

“You need to find a hobby,” she shot back. “Has that guy called?”

“No,” I sat down next to her and sighed. I’d been jumping up every time the phone rang.

What if I’d written down the number wrong? I’d only just memorized it. Although I’d checked with Carmen since then. Or what if he’d lost it? What were the odds I’d ever run into him again?

“Well, just forget about him. If he hasn’t called by now…”

“No he’ll call. You don’t know him…”

“You don’t know him either,” she laughed.

I’d… forgotten to mention to her that Brian was the Brian she was always listening to when I played Millennium for her. “It’s not like I forced him to get my number. I was about to get out of his car.” I’d been so nervous.

“Well his window of opportunity is slowly closing. What? He too busy to call or something.”

She was going to find out sooner or later. “He’s a Backstreet Boy.”

“Say what?” she turned away from her earrings and turned off the TV. “A who?”

“Brian from the Backstreet Boys.”

“No. Freaking. Way.”

But she was right. If he hadn’t called already, he probably wasn’t going to. And he could hang out with anyone in the world. How random would it be to want to spend time with me? A college student. We were in completely different places in our lives…

“August… August,” Carmen waved a hang in front of my face.

“Wha…” The phone was ringing.

She went to the kitchen and grabbed the cordless off of the phone. “Hello?... August… hmm, does an August live here…” Carmen looked like she was about to say no.

I sent her a look of death.

“May I ask who’s calling?... Brian…” she said to herself, and then louder to me, “August, do you know a Brian?”

“Give me the phone!” I snatched it from her.

“Oh, you’re no fun,” she grinned.

I took a deep breath. “Hello?”

“August? This is Brian, hey.”

He sounded just as wonderful on the phone.

“Sorry I didn’t call sooner, but I’ve been… out of town working.”

Duh, I smacked myself on the forehead. The man’s CD hadn’t even been out a month. The fact that he’d been in town for two consecutive days over the weekend had been a miracle. “Oh, that’s okay.”

“I know this is short notice, but I’m leaving town again tomorrow and I’ll be gone for about a week. So I was going to see what you were doing tonight.”

“Absolutely nothing.” Like that didn’t make me sound like a complete loser.

“Great! I should be able to get out of here around 6:30, so I could swing by and pick you up around seven.”

I wondered where “here” was. “Okay. Do you remember how to get to the apartment complex?”

“Yeah, I think so. If you get a phone call and someone’s screaming ‘help, I’m lost!’ you’ll know who it is.”

I laughed. “We’re 304, in the first building on the left.”

“Got it. Hopefully, I’ll see you at seven. Sorry if I end up being a little late.”

“No problem… I’ll see you tonight.”

“Bye!”

I hung up, and realized that Carmen had resumed her spot on the couch, simply listening to the conversation.

“Oh, I thought you went into your room.” It couldn’t diminish the smile on my face.

“And miss this? Please. So I take it that went well?”

“I guess,” I said nonchalantly.

“You guess? There are practically hearts in your eyes.

“We’re going out to dinner tonight. As soon as he gets off… work, I assume.”

“Work? He’s a BS Boy. His idea of working is counting his millions that he makes off of teenyboppers like you.”

“What a typical NSYNC fan,” I rolled my eyes. “You act like he’s lazy and the money just fell into his hands.”

“Being famous can’t be too difficult. They have secretaries and managers to do everything for them…”

“Our groups are managed by the same people, my dear. If you’re calling my Boys lazy, then the same goes for your copycat group.” I gave her a triumphant look.

“Yeah, I know. But I love my Lance Bass anyway. Once we’re married, I can help him count his millions…”

“It’s a good thing he didn’t have to work hard for it, or he might be resentful when you start spending it all on random stuff you buy off the shopping network, Mrs. Bass,” I laughed. “And just for the record, BSB paved the way for your group.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“And I’m not a teenybopper.”

“Yeah? Tell that to the poster hanging on the back of your door.”

I hadn’t realized she’d seen that.

“I didn’t realize that boy banders dated fans. Just more hope for me and Lance then,” she grinned, going to the refrigerator. She grabbed two cans of soda and passed me one.

“Oh, actually… the fact that he’s in the group hasn’t come up. So don’t mention if, okay? For some reason, he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“Interesting. So he doesn’t know you like them?”

“No, not that that really matters. It just means I’m getting to know him as Brian, not Brian Littrell the Backstreet Boy.”

“Right. They’re the same person. You can’t tell me when he asked you out, you weren’t thinking, Oh my God, he’s famous!”

“Of course not.”

But she didn’t believe me. And I thought back to that voice that had been saying exactly that, and I wasn’t sure I could believe myself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

7:15.

And I was nervous. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been on a date. This semester had been too hectic, with starting a new school, classes, and everything else. And this was with a Backstreet Boy. Well, not that this was necessarily a date. We were just.. hanging out. I was probably over thinking the entire thing.

He’d told me he might be late, so at least I wasn’t (too) worried he just wouldn’t show up. But the anticipation was killing me. Why me, I kept thinking. He didn’t know me that well. I was five and a half years younger. A college student, whereas he was already on the height of his career…

I told myself to shut up. I was beginning to replay these things in my mind. I turned on the radio, to have something else to think about.

7:25.

Where the heck was he? I paced back and forth in the living room.

The doorbell rang. I took a deep breath and answered it.

“Hey! I am so sorry… I really thought I could get out of there sooner. It’s just been so hectic lately, and it’s not going to get better any time soon,” he said, more to himself than to me. He looked tired but pleased. As if he was sure that all the hard work was worth it.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You can’t say you didn’t warn me,” I grabbed my purse.

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s your roommate tonight?”

“She found some guy to take her to a movie.” I laughed, “I don’t think she could stand the idea of sitting at home, when I had a…” I paused.

Brian just grinned. “A date?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said, blushing more. “So, um, she left a little while ago.”

“I guess she goes out a lot?” he asked, as I locked the door behind me and we headed to the parking lot.

“Does Michael Jordan score a lot of baskets?”

“So what about you?”

“I tend to put classes and work first. I just haven’t had much time.”

He nodded. “Same here. Especially with the last girlfriend I had… well, I work a lot. So I’ve been focusing on that.” He looked bitter. I wanted to know what had happened, but I could tell that he didn’t want to talk about it.

“So where are we going?”

Brian blinked back to the present conversation and whatever had been on his mind was quickly set aside. “I’m not that hungry, to be honest with you.”

“Me neither.” What a relief. I was too nervous to eat a whole meal.

“Wanna go get some coffee or something?”

“Uh… sure.”

“What was that look for?”

“Huh?” I asked, innocently.

Brian continued to stare.

“I just don’t really drink coffee… but I could get something else.”

“No worries… Umm… Ice cream?”

“Sure.”

“You like ice cream, right? You’re not just being agreeable.”

I laughed. “No, ice cream sounds great. Especially since I’m not used to summer in Florida. It’d be great if it could start snowing now or something.”

“Snowing? Even if it were December, I don’t think you’d have any chance of that!”

We arrived at an ice cream parlor a little later. Lots of other people had obviously had the same idea, so there was a line already formed in front of the counter.

“What do you want?”

I looked at the list. “The banana split looks good…” I glanced at the picture. “But I don’t think I could eat all that, so how about…”

“Do you wanna split it?”

“Split the split?” I laughed.

He laughed dramatically, and then instantly changed his expression to one that was completely serious.

“Ha. Ha,” I said flatly.

“I’m just playing,” he put his arm around me in a friendly gesture.

Such a simply action, but I could feel my heart beat faster.

Brian got up to the cash register. “One banana split, two spoons, please,” he told her cashier.

He is so polite, I thought.

I started getting out my wallet as we headed to a deck on the side of the building, with chairs and tables set up under colorful umbrellas.

“Now what are you doing? This is my treat.”

“Are you sure?”

He grinned, obviously surprised. I guess people didn’t offer to pay very often when with him. I was sure that with Millennium sales being what they were, it was no inconvenience to purchase a four dollar dessert, but it was the principal of the thing.

“Yes, I’m sure. Besides, if I’m paying, I won’t feel so bad about this,” he took the one cherry from the top and hovered it in front of his mouth, about to eat it.

I opened my mouth but didn’t say anything.

Brian sighed. “Here,” he said.

“No, you take it. I didn’t say a word.”

“You don’t have to. It’s all in your eyes. You’re practically an open book… and I guess I’m a sucker for that sad look you were giving me,” he smiled.

I took the cherry, dipping it in whipped cream before eating it.

“Well, now that’s just rubbing it in!” he said, pointedly taking a big bite of chocolate ice cream.

“I’m sure you’ll survive.”

After a minute, he said, “Well this is much better than coffee.”

“I concur.”

“Well, of course. You don’t even like coffee, so, sorry, but you’re opinion doesn’t count.”

“What? That’s not fair. I object!”

“Sorry, objection denied. The vote was unanimous.”

“Unanimous? It’s just you…”

“Exactly, and I happen to agree with myself.”

I held up a spoonful of strawberry ice, as if to use it as a catapult. “You are impossible sometimes, you know that?”

“Once again, you’re opinion doesn’t matter. I say I’m not impossible, and once again the jury rules in favor of me. Another unanimous vote. Imagine that!” He made a funny face. “So, what are you majoring in?”

“English. Well, creative writing specifically.”

“So what do you want to be when you ‘grow up’?”

“Older,” I joked. “No, I want to write for a living. I think. Journalism? I don’t know for sure.”

A look similar to the one I’d seen earlier tonight flashed in his eyes. I wish I could read him as easily as he apparently could read me. Wondering why we were suddenly treading on more dangerous territory, I said, “I’d ask you the same question, but you’ve already grown up.”

“Hey, you’re making me sound ancient. Like I’m thirty or something!” I never got tired of hearing his laugh. It was so easy and honest.

“Well, you’re not a teenager anymore, that’s old enou- mmph.” He shoved some ice cream into my mouth.

“It was time to cut the jokes off at the source! And if I recall, you’re teenage days are numbered come August, August.”

“But you’ll always be older. I’ll just have to change ‘being old’ to being old enough to drink once I hit my birthday. And so on and so forth…”

“What? No, you’re not allowed to do that.”

“Oh, sorry, you’re already in your twenties, so you’re opinion doesn’t count. The decision is unanimous!”

He looked impressed. “Ouch. Alright, one point August!”

Just then, a little girl walked up. She looked to be about six years old, with pigtails and a bright pink dress on.

He flashed one his friendly, never met a stranger smiles. “Well, what can I do for you?”

She held up a napkin and a pen. “Could I have your autograph?”

An autograph? I wondered why in the world she was asking him that, and then I remembered. I was having so much fun talking to him that I’d forgotten who he was. Well, more like I’d forgotten what he was.

“Sure. What’s your name?”

“Jessica.”

He grabbed the pen, and signed the napkin for her.

“Thanks, Brian!” she gave him a quick hug, and ran back to two teenage girls who looked to be her older sisters. “See!” she said, loud enough to cause them to look mortified. “I told you it was him!”

Brian laughed and turned back to me.

“That was adorable.”

“So… You know that job I keep talking about? Sometimes it follows me around. It’s not exactly a nine to five day job.”

“I can see that.”

“I guess you’ve realized I’m a Backstreet Boy, or you’d be sending me a clueless look right now.”

“I didn’t at first,” I told him, honestly. “But you guys had your own cardboard cut-out display at Walmart that we passed several times last weekend… But you hadn’t mentioned it, so I didn’t want to bring it up.”

“Yeah. When I’m not working, I want to concentrate on other things, you know?”

I nodded again. That wasn’t hard to understand. I couldn’t imagine people coming up to me when I was enjoying free time and asking about Shakespeare’s romantic comedies or the evolution of the novel. I started to tell him that I’d beaten myself up over not recognizing him sooner. It was so funny and ironic. But just then, the sisters had found the courage to approach him, too, and he ended up signing two more napkins.

“So am I allowed to ask where Nick got it into his head to carry out that crazy list, or does that fall under talking about your job?” I said when I had an opportunity to talk again.

There were a million questions about the Backstreet Boys I would’ve loved to ask, but I wanted to respect his privacy.

Brian laughed. “The way Nick’s mind works is one of the greatest mysteries of all time.”

We sat there talking long after the banana split was finished off. His career didn’t come up again, which I don’t think he minded.

“Well…” he looked at his watch.

“Yeah, it’s getting late… well, sort of,” I laughed. The clock read nine o’clock.

“Sorry, I’ve got a full day ahead of me again tomorrow. And a plane to catch.” He looked like he hated to see the date end.

So did I. There hadn’t been an awkward silence all night.

“Yeah, I have a busy day ahead of me, too,” I said, throwing away the bowl and heading towards his jeep. “Carmen doesn’t have to work tomorrow, so we’ll probably sleep in… Eat lunch. Watch TV. Eat dinner. Go to bed…”

“Wow, why didn’t you say so? I shouldn’t have kept you out so late,” he said sarcastically. “What was I thinking?”

He opened the door to the jeep for me, and I thought about how polite he was once again.

“So is your schedule going to be that hectic all summer?” he asked.

“No.”

“Oh, good.”

“It’ll probably get worse,” I sighed. “I may have to sleep in, but still cram breakfast into my morning. I don’t know how I can do it!... No, seriously, I’m going to be working this summer. Maybe do an internship if I still can. But I’m going to enjoy my week off while I can.”

We got back, and he ended up walking me back to the door.

“I had a great time tonight.”

“Me, too.”

“You’re not just being agreeable again, are you?”

“You’re right… I had a horrible time. You just seem to lead such a dull life!”

“Are you always this quick-witted, or do I need to take you somewhere with less sugar next time?”

He said next time! I thought happily. “Well, we all have our talents.”

“Can I call you again sometime? In between… being out of town and meetings…”

“You know the number. I’ll be here, watching TV!” I joked.

“Good night.” He hesitated. Finally he said good night again, and I headed back inside, waiting for Carmen to get home so that I could tell her all about it.

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

I hadn’t had that much fun with a girl in a long time. I’d felt like I could be myself, not have to worry about how “high profile” my life could get these days. Like this afternoon, word had somehow gotten out that we were boarding the 2 o’clock flight to L.A. and there were two dozen fans waiting for us. I’d tried to sign a few autographs, but I was running late as it was. I smiled in every direction as there seemed to be as many cameras as fans, but I hated to see the disappointed looks on the faces of girls I hadn’t had the time to personally greet.

All of our time spent in flashes of light.

And people said "pop" songs weren’t personal enough. I lived that lyric on a daily basis.

I supposed it was good that we’d finally discussed “who” I was. It was bound to come out sooner than later. Just as I’d suspected, she hadn’t known who I was initially. I wondered at which point she’d seen the cardboard cut-out of the Millennium cover and figured it out. The fact that August hadn’t made a big deal about it only further supported knowing she wasn’t a fan. Nor was she the type of person to capitalize on my fame. Those were the two types of people I was constantly surrounded by. Sometimes the two overlapped, though not usually. The ladder of the two was the big problem.

I had nothing against the fans, of course. But they all had a preconceived notion of who I was. Not that I was trying to project a false persona, but a lot of who they thought I was came from secondhand sources, like magazine articles that I may or may not have been interviewed for. Or even if it was an interview I was giving, a person isn’t going to be the exact same in real life as on the TV screen.

No, I was extra careful these days. I knew firsthand what it was like to trust somebody who ended up using me as a Backstreet Boy. I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

“What is up with you today, man?” AJ asked. He was sitting next to me on the airplane.

“Oh. Nothing.”

Nick heard us talking and turned around from in front of me, poking his head over the seat. “What’s up guys? We’ve been on the plane twenty minutes and Kevin’s already asleep. Why did I have to sit next to him?”

“I’m just resting my eyes,” came Kevin’s annoyed voice.

“Oops,” Nick mouthed.

“Well Brian might as well be asleep, too, for all the talking he’s doing,” AJ said, pulling a portable CD player out of his bag in case things didn’t get any more interesting.

“Sorry, I was just… thinking.”

“Brian, did you ever talk to that girl again?”

“What girl?” AJ lowered his sunglasses and must’ve decided that I was going to provide some entertainment after all because he stopped putting his headphones on.

“Just a girl.”

“August” Nick said to him and told him about running into her on Saturday night.

“You met her at the club on Friday? Wow, she must’ve felt really sorry for you!”

“Why?” Nick asked.

“Casanova here spilled his drink all over himself and then fell and busted his a…”

“Thanks, AJ,” I said, surprised he hadn’t already told everyone the story.

Nick cracked up, and Kevin gave a loud “Shhh.”

“So have you seen her since then?” Nick asked again.

I sighed, figuring they’d find out sooner or later anyway. “Yeah, we went out last night. I had a great time.”

“You haven’t been out with anyone in forever,” AJ commented. “She must be fi-ine to have this kind of hold on you,” he turned the word into two syllables.

“No one has a hold on me,” I laughed. But then I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah right, you liar. We’ve gotta start memorizing the choreography this week. You gonna be able to concentrate?” AJ asked. “You were the last person I suspected would pick up a girl at a bar.”

“I didn’t pick her up! We just… met. And ended up meeting again the next night.”

“And then last night!” Nick cut in. “She seemed cool.”

“Anyone that can put up with you prancing around a store pulling pranks is your idea of a dream girl!”

Nick didn’t deny it. “Maybe she has a friend? August was my age, wasn’t she?”

“Yeah, she’s in college.”

“College girls?” AJ’s eyes brightened. “Even better!”

I rolled my eyes. He was impossible. “Last time I checked, you were taken.”

“That may be, but I’m always looking,” he smirked.

Nick sighed. “How come I’m the popular one in the group, but you two are taking all the chicks?”

He’d raised his voice too much for Kevin’s liking. “You may be a cute kid on the magazine covers, but once the girls meet you they realize you run your mouth like an eight year old! Sit down!”

“Yes, dad,” Nick rolled his eyes before turning back around in his seat.

AJ and I sent each other a look, and AJ “accidentally” kicked the back of Kevin’s seat before settling back in his seat.

I couldn’t wait to learn these dance moves for the tour that Fatima had been working on. The sooner we got through the first wave of rehearsals, the sooner I’d be back in Orlando and could see August again.

~*~August’s point of view~*~

“It’s been a week,” I grumbled.

“Really? That’s the first time you’ve mentioned it!” Carmen said sarcastically. “Want some ice cream?” She pulled out a carton of chocolate Breyers.

“Ice cream,” I dropped my head on the counter.

“Oh, jeez. You’ve been out with him once! How can everything in the world remind you of him?” She pulled out two bowls and soon set mine in front of me.

I let out a laugh. “I know. It makes no sense whatsoever.” He obviously wasn’t thinking about me though, was he? I didn’t even know if he was back in town yet.

“Here’s a bright idea… why don’t you call him?” Carmen sat next to me at the island.

I paused. “I don’t have his number.”

“What?” she laughed. “Well, you just need to be patient.”

I nodded. But it was easier said than done.

“Cheer up, August. Why don’t we watch a movie or something tonight? Heck, I’ll even sit through one of your concert videos.”

“Really?”

She shrugged. “I’m in a compassionate mood tonight.”

“Apparently,” I walked towards the entertainment unit. We had our movies in the cabinet underneath her TV. I pulled out Backstreet Boys: Live from Orlando.

“Besides, maybe he has Lance’s number.”

“I really don’t think that Brian has the N’SYNC members on speed dial.”

We grabbed some pillows and made ourselves comfortable on the couch. We watched a few songs, during which I couldn’t help but sing along.

“I’m going to have to shove this in my closet,” I said suddenly.

“What for?”

“I can’t imagine what Brian would say if he saw that I had this.”

“Eh, it’s just a video.”

I stared at the slightly younger Brian on the TV screen. “I’d never hear the end of it. He’d probably find it hilarious, my little bit of fandom.”

Soon, Brian was singing That’s What She Said.

I must’ve sighed aloud, because Carmen was tilting her head at me.

“Just listen to his voice. He wrote this song, too.”

“Really?” she listened to some more of it. “Hm.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

I barely heard her. I’d already returned my attention to the screen. I Need You Tonight came on next.

“This is Nick’s song from the new CD, right?”

I told her that it was. Now it was my turn to glance at her. She was mouthing the words. “Looks like somebody’s a bit of a closet case fan! You know the lyrics!”

“So? How many times have you played me this CD?”

“Still. You were getting pretty into it…”

“Shut up and watch your concert.”

I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the evening.

Well, except for actually hanging out with the Backstreet Boys.

~*~*~*~*~

Two more days passed. I was laying on my bed reading a magazine that afternoon when the phone rang, and grabbed the one on my nightstand. Carmen was supposed to call when she got off work so I could meet her for a movie. “Hey, you ready?”

“For what?” asked an amused voice.

“Oh, sorry. I thought you were… who is this?”

“Forgotten me already, huh?”

“Brian?”

“The one and only… well, hopefully. You don’t have any other Brian’s lurking around do you?” he laughed.

“Says the man with millions of adoring fans… How are you?”

“I’m great. Still in L.A. Sore from rehearsals, but good.” He paused. “I missed you.”

Wow. “I missed you, too. I was worried I’d never get to talk to you again!”

“I didn’t want to call until I knew I’d be back in town… but that was taking way too long.”

I agreed. It was so nice to hear his voice again. He told me about Fatima and which routines they were talking about including for the next tour. The minutes flew by and before I knew it, I heard Howie’s voice in the background.

“Hey, Brian. Break’s over. You ready to get back in there?”

“No… but I’ll be right there. Thanks, D.”

“Well I hope the rest of your day goes well. It was great talking to you,” I said sincerely.

“You, too. Would you mind if I called again tomorrow?”

I told him that he had better.

“Alright!” he sang. “Bye!”

I sighed, laying back down, not being able to keep the smile off of my face.

Another week passed, but Brian started calling every day. I even talked to Nick for a few minutes when Brian was called away to work on a particular dance step with their choreographer. Just like the time we’d gone out, we didn’t seem to run out of things to talk about.

The phone rang, and Carmen started walking towards it in the kitchen.

“I got it!” I ran past her and grabbed it. “Hello?”

“Hey, August. It’s me.”

“How’s it going?”

“Well… it could be better.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well… I think that it’s going to be forever before I can see you again. I feel like I’m never going to be in Florida again at this rate.”

“Oh.” I plopped down on the couch.

“I know. It really sucks.”

Tell me about it. I didn’t realize this was going to be such a long-distance relationship. Well, we weren’t even in a relationship. I didn’t quite have a word to define us.

I heard a knock on the door, and let Carmen answer it.

“Well…” I didn’t know what to say.

“Are you upset?”

“No…”

“You look upset,” he stated.

“No, I… wait. How do you…”

“Backstreet’s back, alright!” he sang, jumping over the back of the couch and landing next to me. My heart skipped a beat. I placed a hand over it.

“You scared me to death!” I whacked him with a pillow.

“Does this mean you’re not happy to see me?”

I started to answer, but Carmen interrupted us. “Um, you left your luggage in the hallway.”

Brian turned around, confused. “Oh.”

Nick was standing there.

“Carmen, this is Brian and that’s Nick.”

“Hey. Come on in,” she told Nick.

“I’m his ride from the airport,” Brian explained Nick’s presence.

I exchanged a quick glance with Carmen. He’d come straight here from the airport?

“What are you guys doing tonight?”

“Well, it’s 11:30…” I looked at the clock.

“Really?” Brian stared at his watch. “Oh, duh. I’m on L.A. time. Well, pencil me in for tomorrow, would you?”

I nodded.

“Just wanted to say hi.”

“Welcome back!”

They only stayed a few more minutes. As quickly as they came, they were gone again.

“It was nice meeting you,” Nick told Carmen. “See you guys later.”

“What have you done to that boy?” Carmen asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I thought you were pretty pathetic, going on about him, and I was worried your heart was about to get broken. But it seems he feels the same way…”

“Carmen, we barely know each other. We’ve been out once. He’s been in California, so we’ve had more of a relationship with the phone than each other.”

“Even better. You’ve had the chance to talk a lot. I mean, you two were on the phone for an hour last night. How do you find things to talk about?”

There was no point trying to explain a conversation with Brian via telephone. He was amused by the most random things and often went off on unexpected tangents. And even over the phone, I could tell when he smiled.

“So what’d you think of Nick?” I tried to talk about something else.

“He’s cute.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Hold your horses. He’s no Lance,” she headed towards her bedroom. “But he’s a close second,” she added right before bidding me goodnight and shutting the door behind her.

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

“What? Tonight?”

“Yeah,” AJ said.

Luckily, he couldn’t read my expression over the cell phone. “You miss us already? We’ve been back in Orlando, what? Fifteen hours?”

“You got something better to do tonight?” He’d said this as a joke, but then he thought it over. “Wait, you do already have plans, don’t you? We’ve been back, what? Fifteen hours,” he mocked me, “and you’ve already called that chick you were talking about last week, haven’t you?”

“It’s not a big deal.” I found no reason to tell him I’d actually gone straight to her apartment.

“Oh, I think it is, Rok. She must be something to have pulled you out of your hermit phase.”

“I’ll be there tonight,” I said, to show him that he was getting ahead of himself. August would understand. I could reschedule for tomorrow.

“Why don’t you bring this girl with you?”

“I don’t think...”

“Hmm... a big enough deal that you won’t introduce her to your best buds, huh?”

Touché, Mclean, I thought. “No, of course not. I’ll invite her and see if she wants to come. You just want to meet some college girls,” I laughed.
“Don’t we all. Aiight, I gotta go call D. Later!”

“Bye,” I hung up the phone and immediately called August.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When I picked up August, her roommate was there and didn’t have any plans, so I invited her along. That would show AJ that this wasn’t a date tonight.

Whatever the two of us would have decided to do had he not cornered me into coming would’ve been a date. But he didn’t need to know that.

“So is he having a party?” August asked.

“No, not really. Originally it was just going to be the five of us. He bought a new house and wants to show it off basically.”

“Did he just move in? When’s he had time to?” she wondered.

“He closed on the house last month. It came fully furnished, and he’s been unpacking his things whenever we’ve been in town.”

I noticed their astonishment at the words “fully furnished.” It’s funny how just a year or two ago I would’ve had the same reaction. But so many things were possible all of a sudden.

We pulled into the neighborhood, and I glanced at the post-it I’d written his address on.

“Jeez,” Carmen said. “Which one’s your mansion?”

My jaw had dropped slightly at the sight of these houses, too. Driving down the street, it somehow became real to me.

“Haha,” I said sarcastically. “I don’t have a mansion.”

But I could, that was the thing. I mean, not literally a mansion. These were certainly mini-ones, though. These houses were Cribs worthy. Heck, AJ’d probably be getting a call from them any day now.

“Where do you live?” August asked. I could tell she’d never thought about it before, which made me smile inwardly.

“Umm...”

“What? Your estate only half this size?” Carmen said, drly.

“I have an apartment.”

“You mean condo?”

“No,” I told Carmen. “Kevin, Howie, and I share an apartment.”

“All that money, and you...”

“Carmen!” August cried, exasperated.

With Millennium, I’d been thinking about getting a place of my own. We’d been successful for several years, but in the last month or two, we’d reached a new level. Regardless of more success, I’d been home so little the past few years, I hadn’t felt the need to bother with my own apartment or house. Who’d take care of it all the months of the year I was touring around the world?

And a lot of my time off was spent with my family in Kentucky, anyway.

Besides, the home AJ had purchased had been a bit of a gamble. It had been out of his price range unless the CD did extremely well.

Lucky for him.

“Well, the lease hasn’t run out yet,” I said. I could tell Carmen wanted to ask more, but one look from August silenced her on the subject.

I got to the end of a cul-de-sac. I looked at the house numbers on the mailbox and said, “This is it.”

Our mouths dropped open. There was a U-shaped driveway. I parked next to Kevin’s car. Stone steps led up to the double doors of the two-story home of who knew how many square feet. The backyard was surrounded by a tall fence, which no doubt held the pool AJ was so excited about. I rang the doorbell, and AJ soon answered. He quickly shoved me aside and said, “Well, hello ladies!”

August smiled politely. Carmen smiled flirtateously.

“This is August and this is Carmen.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m AJ, the best the Backstreet Boys have to offer. Which one’s yours?”

I shot him a look. “Niether are yours, and that’s all that’s important.”

August laughed.

“Got it,” AJ said, taking that as an answer. As if any regular girl wouldn’t find me funny. He put his arm around Carmen and led the three of us inside.

“Hey,” I greeted Kevin as he came into the entryway from what, I assume, was the kitchen.

“This makes our place seem pretty pathetic, huh?” he asked.

I laughed. “This is August and Carmen.”

“Hey, nice to meet you,” he shook each of their hands. He looked from August to me, but had the self-control AJ lacked to keep whatever he was thinking to himself.

“This is my bachelor pad!” AJ said.

“Can you give us the tour yet?” asked Kevin, who’d obviously been forced to wait until others arrived. “Howie said he’d be late, and Nick’s… well, Nick.”

“Well, I really wanted to show everyone at the same time, but…” It was obvious he couldn’t wait any longer.

He led us up the staircase first. He had an office that was still in need of some unpacking and a guestroom that looked like something off of HGTV. His master bedroom was three times that size, complete with a bathroom.

“This is as large our apartment,” Carmen marveled, staring at the marble tub underneath and arched window.

AJ looked pleased with himself as he led us back down the hall. “I saved the best for last,” he opened the door and ushered me and Kevin in.

It was like he had his own movie theater. There was a large screen against the wall, with a projector opposite it. The room was wired with surround sound.

“Wow, AJ,” Kevin plopped down on a comfy couch. “I’m willing to ditch Brian and D if you want a roommate.”

AJ grinned. “I could use a maid…”

I laughed. Kevin was usually the one to do the cleaning in our apartment.

We heard the doorbell ring and headed back downstairs.

“Hey, D!” AJ said. “About time you got here.”

“You showing off the new house without me, huh?” Howie said.

I did introductions yet again and AJ showed us the rest of the home. We ended up on the back deck, after grabbing some sodas by the fridge.

“I wish we could go swimming,” Carmen glanced at the pool, longingly. It was a humid night. “Me, too,” August agreed.

“Who says you can’t?”

“Umm, none of us brought swimsuits,” she laughed.

“Oh, that’s perfectly alright,” he said to her, mischievously.

“Alex,” came a slightly annoyed voice from the screen door.

Like a kid trapped with his hand in the cookie jar, AJ turned around. “Hey, babe! I thought you had to work tonight.”

“Got off early,” she said.

“Come on out. You know the guys already. This is August and Carmen. And this is Natasha.” After glancing at her expression, he added, “My girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” August smiled.

Natasha smiled back, but I didn’t think it was sincere.

“So AJ, I never got to see the upstairs of the house,” Howie reminded him after a moment.

“Well, right this way,” his arm around Natasha, the three of them went inside. But not before Natasha sent Carmen and August a look. Carmen wasn’t looking back at her, but August glanced at me, raising her eyebrows.

“So what do you two do?” Kevin made conversation.

“We’re students mostly,” Carmen said. “Working to get through school.”

“Oh,” Kevin nodded. “Do you go the same college

Carmen nodded. “And we’re roommates now, too. We…”

We could heard the doorbell through the screen door.

“It’s probably Nick,” Kevin said. “We’d better get it in case AJ can’t hear it upstairs. He might have his surround sound speakers turned up in his theater!” he laughed.

Carmen decided to go with him.

“Did you see that?” August asked.

“What?”

“Carmen.” Noticing no dawn of comprehension on my face, she added, “She perked up at the sound of Nick’s name.”

“Oh,” I said. “Yeah, I totally missed it.”

“Boys,” she said airily, then smiled. “Seriously, pool party next time,” she fanned her face and leaned against the deck’s railing.

“Is that a waterslide?” I squinted in the dark. It was.

“Imagine that! What a house,” she said. She stepped out into the yard to get a better look at the slide, and I followed her.

She glanced back towards the house. We could see the Natasha pass by one of the windows.

“She seems… nice,” August said, dryly.

“Natasha just gets jealous of any girl AJ flirts with. Which is… every girl,” I laughed.

She did, too.

“Look, he’s got a diving board, too,” she pointed to the other end of the pool. A cloud shifted, causing the moon to shine brighter, reflecting off the water and giving us more visibility. “So you guys looking for a sixth Backstreet Boy?”

“Hmm… not sure you could really pull it off. You know, seeing as how you’re not a boy.”

“Brian Littrell, that’s so sexist!” she put her hands on her hips, in a mock-annoyed tone.

“You’d have to be quite the singer and dancer.”

“Oh, I am,” August said, matter-of-factly. And then, loudly and off-key, she sang, “It’s tearing up my heart when I’m with you! And when we are apart I feel it, too…”

“My ears!” I cried, just as dramatically as she was singing. I covered them with my hands.

She pulled them back down, getting in my face and continuing, “And no matter what I do, I feel the pain…”

“Yeah, I’m feeling the pain, too!”

“Don’t lie. You ready to sign me into the group yet?”

“You should just be glad I’m not throwing you into the pool.”

She squatted next to the pool to feel the water. “It’s the perfect temperature.”

I shoved her lightly, but then grabbed her shoulders so she wouldn’t fall in.

“Very funny!”

“Why thank you,” I said, feeling the water myself. “I’m about ready to jump in with my clothes on.”

August tried to call my bluff. “No one’s stopping you.”

“What? You don’t think I would?”

She shook her head.

I kept her gaze, raising my eyebrows as I walked over to the diving board. Her mouth opened slightly, but she still looked skeptical. I climbed the few short steps. Walked to the end of the diving board. One of her eyebrows was raised now.

I jumped towards her and did a cannonball. When I came to the surface, I could see her stepping back and shaking some water off of herself. “If you were really Backstreet Boy material, a little water wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“I’m just saying,” I said, treading water in the deep end and enjoying a break from the heat.

August stood there a moment in consideration. “You know what?” She ran to the diving board and jumped in.

“Hey, I did a trick.”

“Oh, yeah, because a cannonball is really difficult,” she splashed me.

“What in the world?”

I looked over to see Nick standing next to the pool. Kevin and Carmen were standing behind them.

“Come on in, Nick. The water’s perfect!” I said.

He glanced at Carmen. “I’m just surprised that she’s in the water,” she said, and then added to August, “You know I’m in.” She used the diving board like we had, but Nick took one look at the waterslide and went in that direction.

“Kev?” I said.

He looked amused, but didn’t move. He didn’t have to speak for me to know exactly what he was thinking.
Kids

~*~August’s point of view~*~

By the time the others came back outside, we’d already started to get out of the pool.

AJ had exclaimed, “You guys had a party without me?” Luckily, he was more amused than left out and obliged when Brian asked if he had any towels.

We sat around the deck, just talking and relaxing. The guys probably didn’t get to do a whole lot of this. Especially not with the impending tour. I was glad I’d already met Nick. And Brian, of course. I felt like I’d worked my way up to meeting them as a group, which had done a great deal in calming my nerves. It was a regular summer night, really.

If you ignored the mansion. And the pool.

Oh, and the fact that they were five of the most famous people on the planet right now.

Carmen was talking to Nick, constantly flashing him smiles. Brian was discussing a management issue they were having with Howie, so I turned to talk to AJ, who I was also sitting next to. “Do you like living in your new house?”

“August, who wouldn’t love living here?” he peered at me over his sunglasses. “I mean…” he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gestured towards the house with his other hand and then laughed.

“I see your point,” I laughed.

At this point, Natasha, who’d gone to use the restroom, reappeared and sent me a dirty look.

“Hey, babe,” AJ motioned her to come over.

She sat next to him, tossing her long dark hair over her shoulder as she did so. I noticed a butterfly tattoo on her shoulder blade. Natasha was pretty, there was no denying it. She had an olive complexion and was as tall as AJ. If only she was capable of a facial expression besides a glare.

“Will you get me something to drink, Alex?”

I wondered why she hadn’t grabbed something on her way out here. But AJ obliged. Now, I was left next to her.

“So how do you and your friend know AJ?” she asked, trying to sound casual.

“Umm… well I’m… friends with Brian.” I didn’t really know what else to call him. We’d really only gone out of one date. I immediately regretted my words, though.

“Friends?” she asked. “Well, AJ and I are more than friends.”

“I’m happy for you.” I didn’t know what else to say.

She stared at me for a few seconds, as if sizing me up.

I hoped Carmen would bail me out of this awkward conversation, but she was fully engrossed in whatever Nick was saying. I turned to Brian and was more successful. He glanced back a few seconds later, then muttered something to Howie. Howie looked at us before nodding at Brian, smirking slightly.

“So what am I missing over here?” Brian came and sat between us, a friendly smile on his face.

“Oh, nothing much. I was just talking to your new friend,*” Natasha told him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A little later, we moved to the living room and turned on AJ’s big screen TV to MTV. Kevin and AJ went to play a game of pool in the gameroom, and Howie and Natasha decided to watch. Nick seemed to be waiting to see whether or not Carmen was staying before he made his decision.

“Wow! They’re actually playing music, it’s a miracle!” Brian laughed, putting his hands on each side of his face and opening his mouth in amazement. “Music videos on music television… ingenious.”

One music video ended, and then “I Want It That Way” came on. Brian had already turned around to talk to AJ.

I pointed to the TV screen. “That guy looks kind of familiar.”

He looked at the Brian on the screen, who was singing, “You are my fire. The one desire. Believe when I say…”

Turning to m, he joined his TV self for, “I want it that way.”

“This song is so overplayed,” I rolled my eyes.

“Say what?” His country accent revealed itself a little, so that it sounded more like “saay whut?” He slung his arm around my shoulder and, even louder, saying along with Nick’s part. “Can’t reach to your heart, when you say, I want it that way…”

“What does this song even mean?” Carmen asked, staring at the video. “I don’t get it.”

“You mean the video doesn’t help?” AJ laughed.

“Umm… you guys are standing in an airport right now. Not helping,” she responded.

Nick smiled, staring at the screen. “It means… well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“Wow.”

“What?” Nick asked her.

“Here I was feeling like a dumb blonde, and you don’t get it either do you?” she put her hands on her hips. “It’s your song. How can you not understand your hit single?”

Nick stuttered for a few seconds. “Oh, look…”

The music video had just gotten to the part where a group of fans were standing in the airport hanger, waving signs and trying to get the attention of whatever Backstreet Boy was closest to them.

“Aw, man, August, if only you’d come across this guy sooner,” she jerked her thumb at Brian. “We seem to have missed out on our fifteen minutes of fame. I could’ve done *that.*” She looked at one of the girls on the TV screaming.

I laughed, still enjoying the fact that I was standing in the same room as the people in the music video.

“Yeah, I’m sure you would’ve been the perfect fans,” Nick said to us, and then looked to Brian, seeing if he’d caught the joke.

Brian shook his head. “I’m the funny one in the group, you’d do well to remember that.”

“They were all really nice,” Nick said. “But they get pretty crazy, too. They were hoping for advanced copies of the CD!” he grinned.

I started to say that I’d gotten the CD the day it had come out. This had been the first opportunity for me to bring up like their music without seeming like one of the crazy girls on the screen. The mood was lighthearted; we could laugh at it. I could point out Carmen for being an N’SYNC fan. We’d laugh some more. Good times. Brian knew me well enough by now not to think anything of it.

“I-“ I started.

“Anyway, you guys wouldn’t even be here if you’d been a fan in the video,” Nick said.

“What do you mean?” Carmen said.

“Brian doesn’t like fans.”

“Huh? Nick, what are you talking about?” he had a tinge of country twang again. “You know I love the fans.”

“Yeah, but…”

AJ entered the room and said, “Anyone else wanna challenge me? I’m on a roll!”

He’d beaten both Kevin and Howie, who followed him into the living room with defeated looks on their faces.

“Maybe you should be practicing for Fatima a little more, and pool a little less…” Kevin said.

“Good game, AJ,” Howie said. The argument was still friendly, but he didn’t seem to want to chance the potential for it to escalate.

I glanced from Nick to Brian, hoping they would resume their conversation, but their attention had already returned back to the TV. Brian sat down on the couch, moving over to give me enough room to sit next to him.

We stayed another hour or so, until Carmen noticed the time.

“Well, I hate to ruin the party…” she glanced at Brian, “but some of us have to work in the morning.”

I groaned. I had to be up before she did.

“No problem,” Brian got up immediately. “See ya later, AJ.”

“Bye, man. Thanks for coming,” they did a short but practiced handshake, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

We said our goodbyes. To everyone except Natasha, that is. She chose that moment to look for something in her purse, but I didn’t mind. I hoped I wouldn’t have to see much of her in the future.

We drove back to our apartment, and Brian walked us inside.

“It’s been fun,” she said to Brian. “Thanks for inviting me! Call me anytime you’re going to tour another mansion,” she flashed a smile and went into her room to get ready for bed.

“I can’t take her anywhere!” I said, as we headed out to the balcony.

He let out a laugh. “This was fun, though. I’m glad you guys could come. Sorry I kept you out past curfew!” he joked. “And I’d been under the impression that your summer consisted of watching TV and sleeping…”

“Well, it was certainly good while it lasted!” I said. I thought about Nick’s comment earlier. Casually, I said, “Of course, if I’d gotten a job as an extra on that video, maybe I could’ve stayed later tonight. So you have no one to blame but yourself!”

“Next time I need someone to put on a t-shirt with my picture on the front of it and scream at me, I’ll let you know,” he promised, smiling and leaning against the rail.

“Is someone a little contemptuous against the fans?” I asked, still trying to sound casual. “Nick…”

“Oh, no. Nick was just kidding. I mean, without the fans, where would I be? They’re the key for us being able to do what we do.”

I nodded. “I guess I misunderstood him when he said we wouldn’t have been here tonight.”

“Well, he’s just talking about what I’ve said about you…” he fumbled with his keys.

I hoped he couldn’t see the red in my cheeks. “Uh-oh. You’ve been talking about me?”

“Yeah,” Brian looked up, staring at me for several seconds. “Good things, though. Well, mostly…” he added with a half-smile.

“Mostly?” I started to question him, but he leaned in closer. I barely had time to catch my breath and appreciate the blue of his eyes, with a hint of moonlight reflected in them, before he kissed me.

A few seconds later, I was smiling and lightheaded.

He grinned sheepishly back. It was a wonderfully awkward moment. We both tried to think of something to say.

“Actually I’ve told him nothing but good things about you.”

“That’s nice to know,” I had trouble keeping my voice calm. Then, finally able to start clearing my thoughts, I said, “But what does that have to do with Nick talking about the fans?” I was still puzzled.

“Well, I don’t do this with fans.”

He meant he didn’t kiss them, I assumed. “Much to their dismay, I’m sure.”

He rolled his eyes. “I mean… And it’s not the fans specifically,” he contemplated this for a moment. “I’ve just realized how careful I need to be about who I trust and who I let into my life. I don’t want to always be surrounded by people who are caught up with me being a Backstreet Boy. That’s who I am, but that’s not all I am. You know?”

I nodded. But I had the feeling that I still wasn’t grasping something.

“I just wouldn’t want to be with someone who I couldn’t be sure I could trust. You know why you stood out so much when I met you?”

“What?” I felt my stomach sinking slightly.

“You didn’t recognize me. Do you know how rare that is these days? You were just you, and I was just me. That’s really all Nick was saying anyway, although he was just trying to make fun of me!” Brian laughed. I got the feeling that he hadn’t planned to really get into this matter, but he obviously hadn’t minded too much since he was complying to answer my inquiries. “I’d never know if they really liked me for me. .. So I wouldn’t… couldn’t, really ... date, for lack of a better word, a fan. Ever.” Brian said this firmly, looking at the moon, his thoughts suddenly far away.

Any elation I’d been feeling just a moment before vanished. This was not good.

“He kissed me,” I told Carmen, after much needling. “Last night.”

“I knew it!” she turned around from the stove, where she was cooking us dinner.

“What? How could you possible know?”

“You’ve been smiling for no reason all day. Not to mention daydreaming more than usual,” she pointed a spatula at me matter-of-factly.

She was right. I’d zoned out so many times at work today, it wasn’t even funny. I kept reliving that wonderful moment in my head. So far, I’d managed to keep the next moment out of my mind, but the euphoria from the kiss was eventually going to die down, and it was slowly edging closer to the surface of my mind.

I set out two plates and started pulling out some silverware.

“So?”

“What?” I asked.

“Was he a good kisser? I bet he was.”

“Why do you say that?” I avoided the question, but smiled to myself.

“August, he’s a Backstreet Boy. I’m sure he’s had plenty of practice.”

I shook my head and laughed. “He doesn’t exactly give off the rock star image. You act like he’s had two dozen girlfriends.”

“Oh, no. I was thinking groupies.”

She was still trying to be funny, but the comment wiped the grin off my face. Carmen gave me a puzzled expression, sensing the sudden change in my mood. Groupies, I thought. The worry finally surfaced and filled my mind. I tried to force it out of my head, but to no avail. “No, I’m definitely sure that Brian would never be hooking up with any groupies. Or fans.”

“What are you talking about?” She scooped pasta on each of our plates, and then poured the alfredo sauce on top.

“Brian doesn’t date fans.”

“Um… yeah he does,” she said pointedly.

“That’s just it. He doesn’t know I’m a fan, remember? At first, I didn’t think it mattered. Then I figured as long as I wasn’t… you know, crazy about it that it’d be fine. But I was so wrong.” I told her about the conversation I’d had with him.

Of course, he was right in a way. I hadn’t recognized him at first. But the realization had hit me that very night. By the time I’d seen him again, I’d been able to act normal since I’d already met him once. Even though the first encounter at been that way because I’d thought he was a regular person, it made it easier to stick to that same habit.

Brian didn’t make it difficult to treat him like any other person. A lot of other fans would probably be able to be calm around him, too, if they saw him outside the concert setting, when they were surrounded by all those other thousands of screaming fans.

How could I tell him the truth now? That I owned his new CD, as well of the first CD. That I even had a poster. I didn’t see that conversation going well.

“I’m sure he’ll understand,” she said, but her voice wasn’t very convincing.

I shook my head. “You didn’t hear how he said it.”

“Have you talked to him yet today?”

“No. I expect he’ll call later though.” I took a bite of dinner, but I soon realized that I’d lost my appetite. I pushed it away and rest my arms on the island.

What was I going to do?

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

It didn’t matter that I’d gotten woken up incredibly early by my manager to discuss the newest interview booking. Or that the skies were threatening to start dumping rain at any moment, complete with the thunder I could faintly hear in the distance. Or that I’d tripped over something Howie had left lying in the living room and twisted my ankle. Not too horribly, just enough that it was going to be sore for a few days. Dance rehearsal was not going to be fun tomorrow.

But I didn’t care. Nothing could spoil my good mood. Hello, cloud nine. I’d wanted to call August all day, but I didn’t want to seem too pathetic, calling her first thing. And I was worried if I talked to her that she’d be able to hear the contentment in my voice. Not that I didn’t want her to know I was happy. Just not this happy.

I felt like I was a teenager again. This hadn’t been my first kiss by any means. But… I couldn’t explain it.

“What’s with you?” Kevin walked into my room, bringing me my mail.

“Nothing,” I said, keeping my face steady.

“Oh,” he bought it. “I thought I heard you humming.”

“Well, I don’t know if you know this about me, but I like to sing occasionally…”

He sent me a look, unimpressed by my joke. “Still…”

I noticed Howie was standing in the doorway. Kevin looked at me again, trying to read my face, but then simply shrugged. Turning, he noticed Howie, too.

“Talking about me, huh?” he said, noticing our sudden silence and assuming it was because of him.

“Oh, you know it, Howard,” I said, cracking up at his expression in response to me using his first name.

“Only my mom calls me that,” he said. “And last time I checked, you weren’t my…”

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, Howard,” I repeated him name, giving me a sympathetic looking, patting the spot next to me on my bed, motioning for him to sit down.

He reached over, grabbed a pillow, and threw it at me.

Using a higher voice, I said, “Is that any way to treat your mother?”

“Please, God, don’t make me share a tour bus with them,” Kevin looked up and put his hands together.

“We’re all getting our own buses…” Howie said.

“Except you, Kev. You’re sharing one with Nick.”

Kevin grabbed the same pillow Howie used and launched that at me.

“That’s my mother you’re hitting!” Howie let his own sense of humor show for a moment.

“I swear,” Kevin shook his head and left the room.

“What’s with him?” I pretended like his sudden disappearance was for no reason.

Howie didn’t follow, starting to explain.

“I know,” I silently said goodbye to his humor again for the time being. “Thanks,” I said sarcastically, shoving him out the door and laughing. It was nice while it lasted,

I looked out the window and saw that it had finally started to rain. Huge drops were pounding the window and a huge bolt of lightning streaked across the sky. It didn’t bother me in the least. Not even the sudden realization that I might’ve left the top off on the jeep. Too late to do anything now, I changed my mind right after I grabbed my keys and threw them back on the dresser.

I picked up the stack of mail that Kevin had dropped off and plopped down on the bed right after I turned on the stereo. At first, I didn’t see anything of interest. My car payment was due soon. No problem. I was pre-approved for a credit card. Woo-hoo.

The last envelope I flipped to was a letter. My breath caught as I stared at the return address in surprise. What did she want? Sighing, I ripped it open and read the contents. An unwelcome flood of emotions crashed over me as I stared at the ceiling.

Something had managed to destroy my day, after all.

~*~August’s point of view~*~

He hadn’t called.

When he was across the country, with a hectic pre-tour schedule and a different time zone to get used to, he found time to call me.

But when he was in town with a somewhat normal schedule, did he take a moment to do so?

Even though he’d kissed me the night before?

No.

My internship at the magazine dragged by all day. My boss had to ask for coffee three times before I heard her. I accidentally bumped into one of the editorial writers. I spent the afternoon wondering why there was such a long space between the “ticks” and “tocks” of the clock hanging on the wall.

When I got home, I stared at the phone. This was actually what I was doing when Carmen came home. My head was resting on my arms at the kitchen counter, staring at the telephone on the wall. “Ring!” I said for the thousandth time.

“How’s commanding the telephone working out for ya? You’ve figured out what you’re going to say, huh?” she asked, looking a little scared that this was how I was spending my time.

I paused. “No.” But the problem of him not calling yet was much easier to handle than the other problem, so almost as aggravating.

Did he think it had been a mistake? Did he not want to see me anymore? Was he not the kind of guy capable of calling and letting me down gently?

“Hey, genius, why don’t you call him?”

I stared at her. This thought hadn’t even occurred to me.

“Yeah, some feminist you are,” she rolled her eyes and laughed.

“But…” I started.

“You know what they say,” Carmen picked up the phone and handed it to me. “Call somebody who cares.”

With that, she strode past me, across the living room, and into her bedroom. I stared at the phone. What was I going to say?

If I waited to figure that out, I’d never talk to him again. Taking a deep breath, I dialed his phone number which, pathetically enough, I had memorized.

“Hello?”

It was a male voice, but it didn’t sound like Brian. It wasn’t at all friendly, either, but rather guarded and forceful. Did I have a wrong number? “Hey, this is August.”

“Oh, August, hey! How are you?” he asked, suddenly friendly again. It was Howie.

“I’m good. What about you? I was worried I’d dialed someone else for a second.”

“Sorry about that. I didn’t recognize the name on the caller ID. I was worried our number had gotten out again and that we’d have to change it.”

My stomach hurt. He’d thought I was a fan. Surprise, I thought, I am one. Just don’t tell Brian. “No problem,” I said, understanding where he was coming from. It had been Carmen’s last name on the ID. “What are you up to today?”

“I was about to run out the door to catch a movie, actually. You’re looking for Brian, I assume?”

“Yeah, is he around?”

“One second,” Howie responded, sweetly. A second later, he was screaming, “Brian!”

“Jeez,” I could hear Brian faintly in the background. “Don’t strain yourself. How you gonna hit all those high notes?... Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. August.”

There was a second’s pause. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Umm… nothing. Just wanted to say hi.” How lame did that sound?

“Oh.” That was all he said.

“Yeah…”

He started to say something, then I heard Howie talking to him. “What?” he said to Howie. “Oh, you’re going with Diana? Cool. Have fun. Later… Sorry, I’m back.”

“Who’s Diana?” I asked, clinging to anything that might jumpstart our conversation.

“It’s this girl Howie’s been seeing for a few months now. They’re going to see Austin Powers.”

“The sequel? I didn’t realize it had come out already. I didn’t like the first one though.”

“What? I did.”

“Well, it’s stupid funny. But I prefer *funny* funny.”

“Oh. Well I thought it was good.”

Usually, Brian would enjoy arguing with me on such a stupid topic. We bantered with the best of them. What was wrong with him today? He wasn’t at all invested in the conversation. But I knew the answer: me. He hadn’t called for a reason. Whatever that reason was, it didn’t look good for me.

There was another awkward silence, which was something that had never occurred during our phone calls. Unable to stand it any long, I found myself saying, “Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

And I hung up the second he told me good-bye.

That did not go well.

I went into Carmen’s room. She was lying on her bed, reading Cosmo. The radio was on, playing TLC’s “No Scrubs.” I knew that its obnoxious, repetitive chorus would be stuck in my head the rest of the day. Needless to say, this did little to improve my mood. I sat down on her round, plush chair from Pier One Imports, and she set the magazine down.

“So. How’d it go?”

“Do I look like it went well?”

“You called Brian right? Mr. Always-Something-Funny to say Littrell? As annoying as that sometimes is,” she rolled her eyes.

“Hey, don’t talk about my…” I trailed off. My what? He wasn’t my boyfriend. After that conversation, I didn’t even feel like I could call him friend. So part of me thinking of him as “my man”? Yeah, right. Delusional.

The next song came on the radio. The familiar intro. Then Brian’s was voice singing, mocking me. “You are, my fire. The one, desire. Believe when I say…”

I did want it that way. I got up and turned her radio off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When I heard the phone ringing the next night, I knew better than to get my hopes up. Sure enough, it wasn’t Brian.

But I was really surprised when I recognized the voice.

“Hey, August. What’s up?”

“Nick?”

“The one and only.”

Why was Nick calling me? “Oh, I’m not doing much of anything. How about you?”

“Just chillin. Is Carmen around?”

Oh. Right. “Yeah, hold on.”

I went to her room and handed her the phone. “Hello?” she said into the phone. Her eyes widened when, I assumed, Nick told her who it was. I wanted to listen to the conversation, but she shooed me out of her room.

I sulked back into my own. I’d rearranged it today, trying to keep my mind off of Brian. The bed was in the center of the opposite wall, positioned between the two windows. My bookcase was now next to the door. That had been the most difficult to move, as I’d had to take all of the books of first. And I had plenty of books. Next to that was a small desk with a computer on it. It was several years old, but it had a floppy disc drive and several games loaded. I’d just installed AOL 4.0 though, and it was causing everything to run slowly.

Bored, I opened Microsoft Word. I wondered if the internship would get me anywhere. It would be fun to be a staff writer. Well, depending on what kind of articles they let me write.

Would I have anything interesting to say though? Anything that people would be interesting in saying, that is?

I laughed, thinking of the reason I’d just moved the computer to this side of the room. I typed My Date with a Backstreet Boy. For the fun of it, I started typing. That had been a great night. I was finishing up, not that it was that long or anything, when Carmen came in.

“What are you doing?”

I saved the document and then Xed out of it. “Just goofing off.” Pretending to be a writer by writing, I thought, amused.

“Well get ready to go.”

“Where are we going?”

“Out with Nick.”

“Why am I coming?”

“It’s not a date. I’ve barely had a chance to speak to the guy. We’re just hanging out. And I’m not letting you mope around here like you did last night. I’d hate to see how bad off you’d be if Brian were actually your boyfriend and you two had a fight.”

“We’re not fighting,” I said. Then added, “I don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Well isn’t Nick like his best friend? Look, you can either come and pry information out of him or else sit by the phone and wait for Brian to call, which I’m sure he will eventually, but you do want to answer on the first ring and clue him into how pathetic you are?”

“Wow. Thanks.”

“I give you reality checks because I love you,” Carmen gave me a hug. “Now hurry up. Nick’s going to be here soon.”

Nick did arrive shortly, and we headed to the mall.

“You sure you aren’t going to get mobbed by people?” Carmen asked when we pulled into the parking lot.

Nick put on sunglasses and a baseball cap. Yeah, because that made him unrecognizable. Like the sunglasses wouldn’t stand out once were inside. Or even before then, as the sun was currently setting. But who was I to argue?

“So how’s Brian?” Carmen asked. I stared at her. She must’ve realized that I wasn’t going to dare ask.

“Oh…” Nick hesitated. “He’s good.” I guess he noticed the expression on my face, as much as I tried to hide it. “He’s just having a hard week. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Good. See?” Carmen swung an arm around my shoulder. As I should be worry free about it.

“What happened? Is he okay? When did you talk to him?”

“Well, I haven’t talked to him since hanging out at AJ’s. But I’ve talked to AJ, who talked to Howie, who talked to Kevin.”

“Wow. What a reliable source for your information,” Carmen rolled her eyes.

“What did he tell Kevin?” I pressed.

“Nothing.”

I sighed. “Did I ever tell you how helpful you are?”

“Kevin just knows.”

“Kevin knows what?” I asked.

“What’s bugging Brian this week.”

“Again with the helpfulness!” I wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him. But with my luck, it’d cause his glasses to fall off and I’d hear “It’s Nick Carter!” all-around me, and he would be carried off by teenyboppers.

Leaving me in the dark.

“Why don’t you just ask him?” Nick asked.

“That’s what I said,” Carmen told him, approvingly.

“No,” I corrected her. “You told me to call him. We both know how crappy that idea turned out to be.”

We went inside Barnes and Noble.

“August, take a deep breath. The place smells of books. That’s like your favorite thing in the world. Peruse. I swear, I’ll scream if I hear the name…”

“Brian Littrell! Look mom!”

The three of us turned. A little girl was standing near the magazine section. The Backstreet Boys were front page on every issue, so that was no surprise. I let out my breath again, realizing my first reaction was that he’d been standing behind us.

Carmen grabbed Nick’s arm. “I need some coffee,” she started walking him over to the coffee bar. A few minutes later, she was handing me a strawberry smoothie. Both of them were holding lattes. We wandered around the mall for an hour or so, ducking Nick behind whatever was nearby whenever we saw a group of girls who looked to be fan-age. He still signed several autographs, going “shh” and holding a finger to his mouth whenever someone was about to start into hysterics upon recognizing him.

“Wow, who knew your disguise wouldn’t be enough?” Carmen said sarcastically, smiling at him.

We wandered back through the bookstore to get back to the parking lot. I was in a much better mood. I hadn’t thought about whats-his-name but a half dozen (well, a dozen) times. I was probably overreacting. Who didn’t have bad days? And with the stress he was under these days, it was understandable. Nick had said it had nothing to do with me.

I was putting my hand on the door rail when I saw it. The little girl hadn’t actually been looking at the magazines, she’d been right next to them. The new releases.

That had to be the reason for Brian acting strange this week.

My stopping suddenly caused Nick to bump into me. His sunglasses fell off, making a soft thud and hitting the carpet.

It was like the calm before the storm. I heard, “Guys, look! It’s Nick Carter!”

It was funny, really. Ironic. Not that I could appreciate it at that particular moment, but I would be able to later, no doubt. I’d had the thought that this would happen, and it came true.

Except for the part where they carried Nick off. They were teenyboppers to be sure. Four or five of them, looking to be about sixteen. Their scream had caused everyone within hearing range to poke their heads out. Several middle school-age girls started rushing down the one of the book aisles. I’d even seen a grown man pulling out a camera.

“Uh, time to go!” Nick had screamed, pushing me out the door.

We’d literally had to run to the car, several of the sixteen year olds chasing us. Nick sped out of the parking lot.

Now, sitting in our living room again, they were laughing.

“Now that was fun,” Carmen said. “You certainly get your work-out being famous.”

“Oh, yeah, because the ten hour rehearsal today didn’t quite do the trick.”

Carmen pulled two soda cans out of the fridge, throwing one to Nick. She looked at me, but I shook my head. “Now, I thought we’d finally snapped you out of your mood.”

“Does that book have anything to do with why Brian’s been weird this week?”

Nick choked on his soda. “Uh… what book?”

“What You Wanna Know: Backstreet Boys Secrets Only A Girlfriend Can Tell You.” I said, sitting down in the chair opposite the couch.

“Well, I did say it had nothing to do with you.”

“What…”

“Just call him. Or wait until he calls you. It’s his business. I ain’t about to start gossiping.”

“Oh, so hearing it from Howie, who heard it from AJ, who heard…”

“No! AJ heard it from Howie. See, it’s completely different,” he teased Carmen. “Well, thanks for the Pepsi. I have another early morning ahead of me. I’ll see you guys later.”

Carmen walked him out. I went to bed, wondering what all the fuss was about this stupid book that had Brian so bent out of shape.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Needless to say, the next day I went back to the bookstore and picked up a copy. My curiosity was overwhelming. I wasn’t going to attempt to call Brian again. The thought was mortifying. I could grow old waiting for him to call me. No one else would tell me anything, so what other choice did I have?

It wasn’t that long of a novel; more like a novella. From the way it was written, the target audience must’ve been rather young, too. Simple sentence structure, not very detailed. Most of the “hot” questions that were supposedly answered were simply skirted around. But it was very detailed in that nothing in the book should’ve been published, as far as I was concerned. How could someone who had loved him sell out their relationship? From Brian’s reaction, this publication could hardly meet his approval.

I mainly skimmed the book. I kept feeling like I was reading a diary, coming across information I wasn’t supposed to be privy to.

I found my good old VHS again, fast-forwarding until I reached That’s What She Said. I felt like I was hearing the song for the first time. But just when you think that you can trust that someone you love, tell me why, oh, do you know how stars can fall from above.

The lyrics were heartbreaking. I felt irrational tears begin to form in my eyes. Poor guy.

I made a quick decision, before I could talk myself out of it. I got Nick’s phone number from Carmen.

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

I’d come back to my apartment for lunch. The other guys had gone out to eat, but I didn’t accept the invitation. I didn’t want to subject them to my horrible mood anymore than I had to.

Which was present quite often so far this week.

My singing had not been up to par today. Hopefully after I got some food into my system, my head would clear. I needed to focus. I was about to bite into my sandwich when the phone rang.

“Mmllo,” I answered, then swallowed my food.

“Hey, Brian. What’s up?”

“Umm… Nothing. I'm doing the same thing you are.” We were going to be seeing each other again in less than an hour. “Something wrong?”

“No. I just wanted to let you know, I talked to August a litte while ago.”

I set my sandwich back down. Suddenly, my appetite was gone. “Oh.”

She was probably somewhere cursing me right now. I really needed to call her and I knew it. I just hadn’t been able to deal with her this week. How could I explain “it’s not you, it’s me.” Because it really was me who was the problem.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to her. I did. But…

“Can we talk about this later?”

“I just wanted to give you a heads up…”

The doorbell rang, and I barely heard him. “Nick, someone’s at the door. I’m going to have to call you back.”

I clicked the phone off and threw it on the couch, then answered the door. August was standing there, fidgeting with her car keys.

“Umm… hey,” I said. What was she doing here? “Come on in,” I moved over.

“Thanks,” she stepped inside beside me.

The awkward silence had simply moved two feet. Great.

“Uh,” I stuttered again, wondering why I was so nervous. I wasn’t ready to talk to her yet.

“I’m sorry to just drop in like this,” August said, staring at me for a few seconds.

“No, it’s no problem.” I probably didn’t sound that convincing. I wondered how she’d gotten the address, but deductive reasoning told me that this was why Nick had called.

Thinking back to that conversation, I suddenly noticed how pale she looked. “Are you okay?” I grabbed her arm.

August had been thinking about something, but I’d snapped her out of it, startling her in the process. After jumping slightly, she said, “Uh, yeah.”

She didn’t look alright.

“I really just wanted to…” she stopped. After opening her purse, she pulled something out.

Of all the things I would’ve guessed, this would’ve been the last.

“Where did you get that?” my voice seemed to be raising itself.

“The bookstore,” August said.

“Oh, funny,” I said, sarcastically.

Her eyes widened. “I wasn’t trying to be funny. I saw this at… the bookstore.”

“And bought it, apparently,” I crossed my arms.

“Well,” her face reddened, “yes, but…”

“But what?”

“You’ve been, you know, different this week. I figured that this was why. I mean, it was just released. And you didn’t call…”

“We talked two days ago,” I shot back. “It hasn’t been that long.”

She stuttered, not knowing what to say. “You’re right, but I could tell something was wrong.”

I didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry I bought it. I just…”

“Did you read it?”

“What?”

I repeated the question.

“Well, sort of…”

“So yes.”

“I think it’s horrible that she exploited you like that. This isn’t anyone’s business except for the two of…”

“And yet you read it!”

We stared at each other. August’s mouth was moving, but no words were coming out. I was breathing hard.

“You had no right,” I said.

“What was I supposed to do? Out of nowhere, you stop talking to me, and I had no idea why! I still don’t really know why,” she had started to yell, too.

“So the solution is to invade my privacy?”

“By purchasing a published book, available to anyone across the country? Do you know how many of your fans are probably curled up on the couch, reading this book even as we speak?”

August looked into my eyes and immediately realized that this hadn’t been the right thing to say.

“Wow, thanks for pointing that out! I hadn’t realized that!” I rolled my eyes. “Anything else you’d like to add? Huh? Yeah, I didn’t call. So what? There’s nothing that says I have to. We’re not… anything.”

Her eyes looked watery. Maybe I’d made the same blunder. That had been the worst thing for me to say, but I was too angry to take back the words.

“I shouldn’t have to explain myself!” I yelled again, hoping it would make me feel better. It didn’t.

August stood there for what seemed like an eternity. “So… do you still…” she trailed off.

“What?” I demanded.

“Do you still love her?”

That floored me. The question surprised me more than her pulling out the book in the first place.

She nodded, as if I’d answered. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” she gestured towards the book still in her hand. “I’m sorry,” she said again, and left, closing the door softly behind her.

The effect would have been the same if she had slammed it.

“Brian, what is wrong with you?” Kevin demanded. “Look, I know you had a crappy week, but get over it! I’m sick of rehearsing late everyday because your head isn’t in it…”

“Come on guys,” Howie stepped in.

Kevin glared at me once more before going to grab his water bottle.

“You were doing good today,” Nick came over, after Kevin was safely out of hearing range. “What happened with August?”

“Why didn’t you say she was coming over?”

He look at me, incredulously. “Are you serious?”

“You should have… shouted it out,” I laughed in spite of my bad mood.

“I didn’t know she’d go back and buy the book,” he started.

“Go back?”

Nick realized his blunder, but I forced him to tell me about her seeing it. “I was trying to stay out of the middle of it. I told her that she should talk to you.”

It was my turn to fill him in. I told him about the fight we’d had.

“Aww, you’re first fight. How sweet, Rok,” AJ swung an arm around my shoulder.

I glared at him.

“God, that look must run in your family… you and Kevin have it down,” AJ said.

“Get out of here, AJ,” Nick laughed and shoved him away. “What’s the big deal about her buying the book anyway? You haven’t read it, have you? It probably doesn’t say anything that bad about you.”

“It’s the principal of the thing. Especially August reading it…”

“So what?” he asked again. “You think she’ll believe any crap about you anyway? The girl gets hearts in her eyes every time she looks at you. It’s kind of sickening, actually.”

I smiled slightly. “I just… I don’t know. I lost it when I saw that stupid book. What You Wanna Know about me,” I rolled my eyes. I’d dated her for years. I’d been in love with her. I’d pictured myself marrying her.

And now she was using my fame for her gain. It made me sick to my stomach.

Something lit up in Nick’s eyes. An understanding came over his face. “She’s not going to do the same thing. You know that, right?”

“What?” I said, trying to sound indifferent.

“You get the same hearts in your eyes as she does, Brian,” he said matter-of-factly.

I didn’t answer at first. “August thinks I’m still in love with her.”

“Oh, I think you’re in love. But not with Samantha.”

“Wh…”

“Alright, guys, let’s go. I’m ready to go home! Get it right this time,” Fatima clapped her hands together.

I told myself, while doing the Larger Than Life choreography, that Nick was crazy. But I knew he was right. About one thing, anyway. I’d gone off the walls, as if buying the book was as bad as writing it in the first place. It wasn’t the same thing, not at all. I was being stupid. When did Nick turn into the smart half of Frick and Frack? I smiled, while singing, “Wishing I could thank you in a different way, alright.”

August was different. I put that book out of my mind. It wouldn’t happen again.

~*~August’s point of view~*~

I’d gone through a few dozen tissues. My eyes were puffy, my throat was dry. I was in yoga pants, a tank top, and fuzzy slippers. Delilah was playing on the radio. Carmen would be home from work soon, wondering what the heck had happened to me.

This was crazy. I shouldn’t be this distraught over him. It was irrational behavior.

I’d never been so emotional until I’d met him. Hang out with a Backstreet Boy long enough, and apparently your life turned into a sappy pop song. I smiled in spite of myself, glancing at the book. I threw it in the trash.

I heard the apartment door open, but just flopped down on my bed. Carmen would know where to find me.

I closed my eyes, A few seconds later, I heard another knock.

Puzzled, I opened my eyes.

Brian was standing at my door.

It figured. I tried to untangle my hair nonchalantly, but who was I kidding?

“Brian.”

“I knocked, but no one answered. And the door was unlocked…” Brian gestured towards the front door.

Not wanting him to see the tissues that hadn’t made it into the trashcan, I led him into the living room. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you. We didn’t really finish our conversation earlier.”

Wonderful. Because that was a conversation I wanted to continue. I was going to get some kind, parting words. He was trying to let me down easy, after watching me go a tad drama queen earlier.

“I’m sorry.”

That surprised me. “What?”

“Look, that… relationship didn’t end well. It took me awhile to get over it. To get over her. I thought I was, but then I heard about this book being published. I tried to ignore it, but then I got a letter from her this week about it coming out…” he rambled.

“I know how much you must hate all this information being out about you, Brian. I get it. I really do. I shouldn’t have bought the book, but I was just wondering what was going on.”

“I just wasn’t ready to talk, you know? That’s my fault. I shouldn’t care that you bought it. Just don’t believe everything you read. I can only imagine what’s in there.”

“It’s probably not half as bad as you think,” I said, “but if it helps, I did a lot of skimming. I felt guilty reading it.”

He smiled. “Anyway, enough about the stupid novel. Why should I worry about what she’s doing when you’re around?” He took my hands in his.

I smiled.

“And, no. I’m not in love with her. I can promise you that.”

My face reddened. “Oh. That’s good.”

“You know, you seemed a little jealous before,” Brian’s token grin was back.

“What? Of course not. I was just wondering…”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“You think pretty highly of yourself, don’t you, Backstreet Boy?”

“And you sound pretty confident for someone in pink slippers,” he glanced at my outfit.

There was no arguing with that statement. “I know, I look horrible…”

“You look beautiful,” Brian countered. “Forgive me?” He started to lean towards me, but I put my hand on his chest.

“If we kiss, you’re not going to disappear again, are you?”

Brian laughed. “Try and keep me away.”

We kissed. For the first time in days, everything seemed right again.

I heard the door open, and Carmen’s voice saying, “August, you look like a train wreck.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“I can’t believe we’re front row,” I incessantly tapped Carmen on the shoulder.

“I know. This is pretty sweet,” she agreed, glancing around at the mostly empty arena. She’d spent an hour perfecting her make-up and picking out the right outfit. Then, once we’d arrived here, we’d had to stop by the bathroom to use the mirror. After all, what would Nick think if a single-strand of blonde fell out of place?

“Stop it,” she said, knowing why I was laughing.

“Well you’re being obsessive.”

“Please, Miss ‘why doesn’t he call me’ McFadden?” she smirked. “He’s Nick Carter. When you go out with Nick Carter, you have to look perfect.”

It was fun seeing her nervous. Usually, that was my job. But he’d asked her out for coffee after the rehearsal. Their first date. First, we were going to get to watch them run through the entire show. They were videotaping it, to watch later and figure out what kinks they needed to work out.

“This is going to be so much nicer, not having to listen to thousands of people scream,” I said. “We’ll actually be able to hear them sing and talk…” I’d never seen them perform live before.

Music started playing. Brian had told me that there was going to be a big entrance, but everything wasn’t set up for that tonight. They appeared on the stage though, dressed in blue, futuristic garb. It lasted almost two hours. There were a few minor mess-ups, like Nick rotating the wrong way on the circular stage or Howie dropping his hat during All I Have To Give. But overall, the show was spectacular already. It was obvious that all five of them thrived from being on stage. They had worked so hard to pull all of this together.

Nick failed at not glancing at Carmen every chance he got, though it was obvious he was trying to look cool. Like it wasn’t that important she’d come tonight. Brian had smiled at me a dozen times. I even got a signature wave and hello during Quit Playing Games. Natasha was nearby, so AJ could be caught doing the occasional pelvic thrust while dancing and smiling flirtatiously in her direction.

At the end of the show, they disappeared under the stage. We were both screaming all loud as we could. The energy in the room was obvious. If they could pull that off with such a small crowd, then I couldn’t imagine how it would be opening night.

And the many show nights thereafter.

“Hey, I love your necklace,” someone sitting a few seats away from Carmen said. The lights had come back on, and we were waiting on Nick to come out so that he could take her out.

“Oh, thanks,” she responded. “So how do you know the Boys? Do you work here?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I’m… friends with Howie.”

I laughed at her guarded answer. Howie would of course want to protect her identity from the public and jealous fans. Loving the Backstreet Boys could bring out the best in people at times.

But the worst in them other times.

I didn’t know why interviewers bothered prying about their relationships. Usually, the standard answer was: single.

“Are you Diana?” I asked.

“Yes,” Diana was puzzled.

“I’m August, and this is Carmen.”

A smile appeared on her face. She’d heard of us, too. Her face was round and friendly. She was short, with dark brown hair and matching eyes. A few minutes into the conversation, I already felt like we were friends. Diana was like the anti-Natasha. She was in her late 20s and worked in real estate. Howie had met her when he’d decided to look into developing condos.

“I’m kind of sad the tour is getting so close. I’m not going to be able to take much time off of work to see him while he’s traveling,” she bit her lip. “But I’m so happy for them, selling all the shows out the way that they did.”

I nodded, but wasn’t really listening anymore. I was remembering how long it had seemed like he’d been in L.A. for. That was nothing compared to how long he’d be gone this time. Still, he’d called often, so hopefully he would again.

Although his words were still ringing in the back of my mind. Brian had said he didn’t have to call. That the two of us weren’t anything. Even though this statement had been a product of the fight, it worried me. What if he meant more to me than I did to him? What if, once he got on the road…

“Hello,” Carmen waved a hand in front of my face.

“Oh,” I snapped back into the present.

“Welcome back,” Carmen said, dryly. “I’ll see you later, okay?” She’d seen that Nick was heading over. Howie was with him.

“I see you three got to meet each other,” he said, slipping his hand into Diana’s.

“Yeah. Hopefully we’ll see you again soon,” I said to her.

“Definitely,” she smiled back.

Carmen said, “We’ll have to think of some fun stuff to do while these guys are traveling the globe.”

“As long as you don’t have too much fun without me,” Howie grinned at Diana.

“We can’t make any promises…” I joked.

“Ooh, there’s that new restaurant opening up downtown,” Carmen remembered.

“Look at that, D,” Nick said. “We ain’t even gone yet, and they’re already counting down the minutes…”

“You may have to work hard to make a lasting impression on us,” I said. “Or we’re going to be ‘Backstreet who?’”

I felt someone grab my waist and then the sensation of falling backwards. Instinctively I reached up and wrapped my arms around someone’s neck for stability. Brian’s face was suddenly in mine, and before I could say a word he was kissing me.

A few fast-paced heartbeats later, he was setting me on my feet again.

“Boys,” Brian said. “Backstreet Boys.”

“Huh?” I was light-headed, trying to remember the conversation.

He had that mischievous look in his eyes and looked pleased with himself.

“I guess you won’t go and forget us now,” Nick laughed.

“Well, I’m safe Nick, but that doesn’t mean you are,” Brian shook his head.

Nick reached out, making motions as if he was going to do the same thing, but Brian put his arm around me.

“Don’t even think about it, Carter,” Brian said, he shoved him away. “Don’t you have someplace to be?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Nick nodded and turned to Carmen. “You ready?”

The two of them left the group, only to be replaced by AJ and Natasha.

“Hey Natasha. How are you?” Diana asked.

“Not too bad,” Natasha said, not bothering to ask Diana how she was. “We’re going back to watch a movie, you two want to come?”

Diana and Howie exchanged looks. “Sure,” he answered.

“What about you?” AJ turned to us. “Rok?”

From the look on Natasha’s face, it didn’t look like she had been planning to extend the invitation to us. She didn’t voice her objection, though.

Brian looked at his watch. “It’s not too late… why not. August?”

I agreed, and the six of us headed to AJ’s house.

We were all sitting in AJ’s living room, trying to pick a movie.

“Lethal Weapon?” AJ suggested.

Diana gave a thumbs down.

Diana and Howie were curled up on the love seat. Natasha was in the middle of the couch, saving one of the seats for AJ, but not being specific about which one, so Brian and I were on the floor, leaning against one of the cushions, his arm around me.

“Pulp Fiction?”

“AJ, we’re not watching that again!” Brian threw a piece of popcorn at him. “I know it’s your favorite movie, but give it a rest!”

“Man, I swear, if you get butter on my carpet…” AJ picked the piece up. Laughter erupted.

“Maybe we should go with Armageddon and have the tissues ready in case you start crying. Living alone has you in touch with your feminine side,” Howie grinned. Although kidding, Diana perked up.

“I love that movie! Do you have it?”

AJ groaned and started to shake his head.

“Yeah, he does,” Natasha got up and found it on his DVD shelf. “It’s one of my faves.” Without waiting to hear anyone else’s vote, she slipped it into the DVD player. Having watched this movie recently, I wasn’t keen on another viewing so soon, but I kept my mouth shut. My presence here alone was enough to aggravate Natasha. I didn’t really care anymore, though. I’d been nothing but nice to her, and where had it gotten me?

“Can you move your leg a little?” I put an overdose of sugar in my voice and smiled.

“Huh?” Natasha said.

“You’re kicking our cushion.” Still smiling.

She stopped, begrudgingly. Soon, however, I was the one receiving an occasional “accidental” kick instead of the cushion. The third time it happened, I spoke up again.

“Could you not do that, please?”

“Do what?” Natasha feigned innocence.

“You’re kicking…”

“Look, I don’t have enough room. I can’t control where my leg goes!” she said, getting annoyed. “Do you want the couch?” She was being sarcastic, not to mention rhetorical, but I jumped through the window of opportunity.

With the same sweetness in my voice, I said, “How nice of you! That would be wonderful.” I quickly stood up and pulled Brian with me. I left the cushion in the floor, for her to use if she chose to, and as she leaned forward, trying to figure out what I was doing, I moved that cushion from behind her to our side of the couch. I sat down, and Brian followed suit. Now squished, Natasha stood up, fuming.

Stuttering, she looked around trying to figure out how exactly that had just happened. She glared at me, but I stared at the screen, grinning, pretending to be oblivious. I wasn’t going to give her the chance to try to weasel her way back onto the couch. Finally, Natasha resigned herself to the floor, moving her cushion in front of a bewildered AJ and leaning against his legs, arms crossed.

I dared a glance at Brian. He had an astonished look on his face, but the hint of a smile was evident; he was impressed. I put my head on his shoulder, and we continued to watch the movie.

A little while later, Howie complained of being out of popcorn. Diana offered to pop some more, so I decided to help her. I was ready for a break from sitting on the couch so long.

“So… I take it you don’t get along well with Natasha,” Diana said, once we were safely in the kitchen. She rummaged around some cabinets until she found a box of popcorn, and put another packet in the microwave.

“You realized that, huh? I was trying so hard to hide it.”

We laughed.

“She’s hated me from the start,” I said. “I can’t really figure out why. I would love to know how I’m supposedly trying to steal her man.”

“She definitely wasn’t ready to join my fan club when we first met, but she warms up to you… a little. Well, maybe not you,” she laughed again. “I can’t say I ever beat her at her own game.”

“We both know you’re too nice for that. At least you won’t have to worry about her making a voodoo doll of` you or something… I guess I’d better watch my back,” I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know what he sees in her.”

Diana poured the popcorn into the bowl and started to smile. “I”ll give you a hint.” She pointed at her chest.

We were still cracking up when we reached the living room. Diana was handing Howie the bowl when he asked if she’d remembered his soda.

“How can she remember what you never told her?” I shook my head. “I’ve got it. Anyone else?”

“Ooh, ooh, me! Pick me!” Brian waved him arm like an eight year old.

What a goofball. But an adorable goofball, I thought.

I pulled a 2-liter out of the refrigerator. The only glasses I could find were in the sink. “AJ, do you ever do dishes?” I called.

He appeared a few seconds later. “Umm… every year or two. Let’s see.” AJ pulled out some plastic cups from the pantry. “These are clean.” He blew some dust off the top one. “Mostly.”

“Wow. I don’t even know what to say.” I poured two glasses of Coke, a third when AJ asked where his was, and a glass of water for me. I set the now empty soda bottle next to the sink and turned around to help carry the cups, not knowing that AJ was reaching over me to set a dirty plate on top of the pile already mounting in the sink. I bumped into him. He stepped backwards and his hand sought the island to stay upright, but he only managed to knock over my cup of water. It splashed to the floor, and he slipped, now grabbing me for support. I was still in the process of turning around, so AJ knocked me off balance, and I fell with him, landing halfway on top of him.

My arm was a little sore from being tugged, but the situation was too amusing for me to be upset.

“What is with you Backstreet Boys always falling? I’m surprised any of you can stay upright long enough to dance!”

AJ then remembered the night I’d met Brian, too. “What can I say, August? We can’t help but fall for you.”

“Right,” I pushed on his chest as I stood up.

Only to find Natasha standing over me. To make matters worse, Brian was behind her.

AJ hopped up. “Tasha, babe, it’s not…”

“Just shut up,” she did a “talk to the hand” motion worthy of Cher in Clueless.

After sending me a death look, she stormed out of the kitchen.

Guess there was a zero percent chance she’d ever warm up to me now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So… they walked in to find you lying on top of AJ?” Carmen asked. “And I thought I was the one with the hot date last night! One Backstreet Boy not enough for you?”

We were sitting on the balcony the next night.

“No, not when there are five of them… and I’m going after Nick next,” I joked.

“What did Brian have to say?”

“When AJ ran off to apologize to Natasha and try to explain, I started to do the same, and Brian just laughed. They’d both heard what AJ had said, but since Brian actually got the joke…” I trailed off.

“Well, once Natasha knows what it was in reference to,” Carmen began.

“Then she’ll still hold it over his head.”

“Yeah, your right.”

“So what happened with Nick?”

“We had a good time,” she said. “He’s a fun guy.”

“Did you do anything after getting coffee?”

“Just walked around. Guess it was past the bedtimes of his tween following,” Carmen laughed. “No one bothered us… Well, a paparazzi dude took our picture.”

“Nuh-uh. Are you serious?”

“Maybe I’ll be in a tabloid.” She laughed as soon as she said it.

“Look at us, leading interesting lives!” I said.

She nodded, leaning back in her chair. I could tell she was daydreaming about Nick.

“Anything else happen?”

“Well, I don’t kiss and tell…” she smiled.

I couldn’t refrain from going “aww.”

“I think we’re going to lunch tomorrow. If he has time.”

“Oh, that reminds me. Brian printed me off a tour schedule. Do you want to see it?”

She followed me to my room. I’d left my TV on. Friends was about to come on. They were dancing in the fountain and the theme song was playing. I grabbed my purse from behind my door and pulled out the tour date list. After handing the paper to her, I noticed her staring past me.

What?”

“You took down your poster.”

“Oh. Yeah. That’s been down.”

“Since when?”

“Since Brian and I made up from out fight.”

If he’d gotten so angry over me buying that book, I shuddered to think about what he’d say if he ever saw a Backstreet Boys poster. That there was ever a time that I thought I could casually bring it up was unbelievable. I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it.; the hurt from his last relationship was too evident. And we had been doing so well apart from the one issue, I didn’t want to spoil it. Maybe there would come a day when I could tell him…

But I didn’t plan to any time soon. I’d stuffed my poster, VHS, and CDs in the closet. As far as I was concerned, I was a girlf… well, friend, at least, first and fan second.

“Shoes!” Carmen cried. “Let’s go in here!”

I groaned. “You just bought a pair of shoes twenty minutes ago.”

“Yes, but those are flats. Those are high heels,” she pointed in the window and went inside without another word.

Diana and I exchanged glances. “She does know how to accessorize. I have to give her credit for that.”

Carmen looked for any excuse to shop. Currently, it was: new man, new wardrobe. The economy was benefiting from her happiness, too. She handed me her bags, sat down, and tried on a pair of black heels.

“Well, you’ll certainly give Nick a run for his money on height in those,” I laughed.

Carmen, deciding I was useless, looked past me to Diana. “They’re cute,” she said.

The mental clock I had of the group’s departure was ticking away in my head. This week was going to fly by.

Diana read my mind. “The tour probably won’t be as long as you think… well, it is long. But maybe it won’t seem it.” She was trying, but she didn’t sound very convincing.

I nodded. “I mean, they’ll have small breaks here and there between legs of the tour…” I said this mostly to myself.

“Aren’t we supposed to go frolicking around the world with them? Especially, you, Diana. You’re a Backstreet girlfriend. That’s how it is in all those stories, right?” Carmen asked.

“Well, maybe those fan fic girls can drop their lives at the drop of a pin, but I have a career,” Diana smiled.

“Well, get Howie to put a ring on your finger. You can retire to the lifestyle of a rich and famous,” Carmen winked.

“Carm,” I said, “It’s a good thing you have such high aspirations in life, or I’d think you were a shallow gold digger.”

Carmen gestured to her shopping bags. “You know, I get that a lot.”

“Everything’s so hectic. I wish we could get everyone together one last time before opening night,” Diana sighed. “I barely see Howie, much less the other guys.”

Carmen was putting her shoes back in the box, having decided to buy them. “Did I hear party?”

I laughed. “We don’t have time or space to throw a big party.”

“Well, maybe something more intimate. Us, the guys, and…”

“Natasha,” I finished, rolling my eyes. “Yeah, we’d have to invite her, wouldn’t we?”

“I’ve been painting my living room and haven’t set everything back up yet…”

“We could have it at our place,” Carmen offered.

It would be a little squished, but I couldn’t think of an alternative. We’d be able to make it work. I started mentally planning a grocery list and wondering when I was going to have time to clean the place. Carmen dragged us to a few more stores. We passed by the bookstore, my usual must-see location in the mall, but I let her walk us right by it. That novel was still looming over it like a dark storm cloud.

“All right. I don’t think my credit card can handle anymore action today.”

We headed to our car, bid farewell to Diana, and started driving back to the apartment. We each had plans with our respective Backstreet Boy that night. Carmen needed forever to get ready.

“Hmm… maybe I’ll wear one of my new outfits tonight.”

“It only makes sense to show off your new Nick wardrobe to Nick,” I said. “Don’t forget to tell him about the party when you see him. We have to make sure they don’t have plans that night.”

She nodded, putting in one of her CDs.

“Where are you guys going tonight?”

“Second base, hopefully.” She laughed.

“Oh, jeez… There are things I really don’t need to know. Forget I asked,” I turned up the volume of the song.

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

“And what are you doing here?” I reached the door to August’s apartment only to find my blonde Backstreet Boy counterpart standing there. “I just can’t get rid of you can I?”

“You just can’t separate Frick and Frack, man,” he put his arm around my shoulder and a cheesy, sentimental grin on his face. Looking down at my hands, he asked, “What are those?”

“What do they look like? All that homeschoolin’ never quite sank in, did it?”

“You’re going to make me look bad!”

I shook my head. “You don’t need my help for that. That shirt is going to handle it on its own.”

He looked down, self-consciously, and I had to reassure him that I was only joking.

“I didn’t bring anything for Carmen.”

The boy looked so desperate, I decided to be nice. I’d brought three roses. A dozen seemed a little much, since there was no real occasion, and one hadn’t seemed enough. As I was handing him one, I heard August’s voice from the other side of the door.

“Are you guys going to knock, or are you going to stand out there and talk all…” The door opened and she saw me handing him the long-stemmed red rose. “Wow, boys. I had no idea. We can stay here if the two of you had a romantic evening of your own planned…” her blue eyes sparkled, giving away the smile she was trying to hide.

“You sure got yourself a funny one,” Nick teased.

“Well, Nick didn’t want these, so I guess you can have them,” I handed the remaining two roses to her.

“Thanks,” her smile lit up her whole face. I’d asked Carmen, and she’d told me they were August’s favorite; Carmen had obviously been right. August went to the kitchen to find something to put it in.

“Is Carmen ready?” Nick asked.

“Have you met Carmen?” August asked.

Carmen yelled from her room, “I heard that! I’ll be out in a minute!”

“Which means at least five,” August whispered. “You guys can have a seat if you want.”

Nick sat on the couch, and August joined me on the loveseat.

“Where are you headed tonight, Nick?” I asked. “What?” I turned to August, when she started to laugh.

“Nothing. Just don’t ever ask Carmen that…” she kept laughing.

“Dinner somewhere,” Nick shrugged. He looked at the rose in his hand and then at me. “Where are you going?”

“It’s not a competition, Carter.”

He blushed a little. “I know.”

“August, did you tell them your good news?” Carmen called out again.

I looked at August, and her face turned as red as Nick’s. She avoided my gaze.

“It’s not really a big deal,” August called back to her.

“Are you kidding?” Carmen said.

“What?”

She finally looked back at me. “I’ve got an article that’s going to be in the newspaper tomorrow.”

“You write for the paper?” Nick looked confused.

“No, I’m just an intern there, but whenever I have free time at work, I write blurbs about whatever assignments I’ve seen the boss give out… just for practice. I had one sitting on my desk today after I’d printed it off. He saw it and really liked it.”

“Oh,” I managed a smile. “That’s really great.” I successfully managed to put the proper amount of enthusiasm in my voice.

“Really?” August bought it. “Thanks.” Her smile returned. “I’m really excited about it… I mean, it’s not a big deal. Who knows if anyone will even see it, because it’ll be in the back. The article’s basically announcing a line-up of events for the rest of the summer in the area. Like festivals and stuff, and I wrote a little about what each one was.”

“Congratu-“ Nick started, when the door to Carmen’s room opened. She stepped out. “Wow.”

Smooth, Nick, I thought, laughing. He was so young at times. Right now, the boy was practically drooling.

She walked in, knowing she owned the room, and Nick gave her the rose.

“That’s so thoughtful of you!” she smiled, and gave him a kiss.

August grinned knowingly. Then the three of them started talking about some party. My thoughts returned to the article. There was a pang in the pit of my stomach as soon as she mentioned it. I knew August had the internship at the paper, but I hadn’t realized how much writing she’d been doing. I should have been happy for her. After all, this was a great accomplishment. But it only made me sick.

August helped Carmen find another vase for her rose.

“You ready to go?” I asked August, not wanting to be noticeably quiet.

“Yeah, I’ve just gotta grab my purse.”

I offered to get it for her, looking for any excuse to leave the room for a few seconds, and she sent me to her room. I picked it up off of her desk and was turning to go back to the living room when something caught my attention. Walking over, I got a closer look at what was sticking out of the trashcan.

I smiled at the sight of the all too familiar book. In the back of my mind, Nick was telling me again that August was different. I handed August her purse and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Smiling, she asked, “What was that for?” She tried to read my expression.

I just smiled back. “No reason.”

Once we got to my jeep, I said, “Let’s go celebrate the newly published.”

And I meant it.

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

“Not bad,” Fatima clapped her hands together. “You’re finally proving to me that you deserve to be the center of all the hype.”

“Oh, you know you love Backstreetmania!” Nick called.

She was walking around our circular stage, trying to keep an eye on all five of us as we practiced. “Looks like it’s going to be a good show. Especially the choreography, if I do say so myself.”

“It takes a lot of work to whip our sorry butts into shape,” AJ grinned.

“Now isn’t that the truth?” Fatima laughed. “Okay, run through that song one more time- flawless- and then you can take fifteen.”

We made it through most of the song “Get Down” but Kevin tripped over his shoelace during some of the dance moves. Fatima hadn’t been looking at him, so I was hoping she hadn’t caught it. He fell back into step as quickly as he could, but apparently she had eyes in the back of her head. When Fatima asked for flawless, she expected flawless. Anything less was unacceptable.

We ran through it again.

A few minutes later, I collapsed into a seat in the audience and chugged from my water bottle. Nick sat next to me, laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Howie wondered, wiping sweat from his forehead.

“It wasn’t me screwing up for once!” Nick glanced at Kevin.

Kevin heard him and was fuming, but he simply walked by the three of us, keeping his gaze straight ahead.

“So what time is this party on Saturday again?” Howie sat on the other side of me.

“Seven. I think,” Nick looked confused.

“You think?” I rolled my eyes and turned back to Howie. “Yes, it’s at seven.”

“I’ve been trying to convince Diana to come with me on at least part of the tour, but she won’t take the time off work. Well, she says she can’t.”

I knew how he felt. I hadn’t even brought it up with August, but I knew she wouldn’t want to leave her internship early. It was too important to her. It wouldn’t be fair to ask that of her. And the fall semester was right around the corner. I couldn’t expect her to drop her life for even a few weeks just because my job was taking me on the road.

Besides, that was a big step forward. A big commitment I shouldn’t even be considering. We’d only been dating a handful of weeks. Not quite two months yet. It was one thing for Howie and Diana to discuss traveling together. They were officially a couple, they’d known each other longer.

It didn’t make sense for August and I.

But I was going to miss her.

“I guess we’re all gonna be touring solo,” Nick sighed.

“Speak for yourself,” AJ joined us. “Natasha’s coming. At least for the North American leg of it. We haven’t gotten to the rest of the tour yet.”

“I thought you two were fighting,” Howie said.

From what AJ had told me, they’d reconciled last night. He’d showered her with chocolates and flowers to apologize. The diamond bracelet he’d personally delivered to her last night had finally been enough to buy, or “gain,” her forgiveness.

I told him he shouldn’t have bothered with all of that. He said nothing happened. August said nothing happened. I believed them. She should have, too. Or they should have been able to work out the disagreement without extravagant bribes. Hopefully AJ would work it out eventually. They didn’t exactly bring out the best in each other. Actually, I’d yet to see anyone bring out the best in Natasha.

But maybe she’d change. Or maybe they would both change. They’d been together this long, and when they weren’t fighting, she, for whatever reason, made AJ happy.

“At least the two of you will still be able to date,” AJ said, looking at our long faces. “D and I are tied down, but you can see other people.”

“There’s really not going to be a lot of time for them to meet people…” Howie started.

“Please, have you seen our dancers?” AJ lowered his sunglasses, giving Howie a pitying look. “Gor-or-orgeous. And you can always go out to clubs or wherever after the shows. Not to mention groupies…”

“Not really my scene,” I shook my head. I couldn’t picture dating anyone else. I’d only be thinking about the girl waiting for me in Orlando.

“Yeah,” Nick agreed.

“You’re just saying that because you’re too young to get into the clubs!” AJ laughed. “You don’t think Carmen’s going to have boys lining up once you’re M.I.A. for awhile?”

Nick obviously hadn’t thought of this. He looked distressed. The fifteen minutes of rest were over, and Kevin was calling us back to the stage. For being the reason we’d had to perform the last song twice, he was being rather pushy about us being ready to start again on time.

I suddenly thought of some faceless guy asking August out, holding her hand, taking her to dinner. The thought made me sick to my stomach. But just as we weren’t ready to rearrange our lives for each other and her to come on tour, we weren’t ready for that. We were still getting to know each other.

Then the image of that unknown guy popped into my head again…

I wanted to punch him in the face.

“I’ll just have to ask her to be my girlfriend,” Nick said matter-of-factly.

“What?” AJ laughed. “You want a ball and chain, too?”

I was surprised, too. He barely knew Carmen. I looked at him questioningly.

“Hey, B, if it’s right, it’s right,” he took his spot next to AJ for the next song.

“Oh, to be young again,” Howie put a hand on his heart and sighed dramatically. “Wouldn’t life be great if it was always that simple?”

I had to agree. That would be nice

~*~August’s point of view~*~

The moon was almost full in the sky and shining down on us. For being the middle of summer, the air wasn’t as muggy as usual, which I was appreciative of. The park was mostly empty, being past sundown. We walked along a dirt path, simply enjoying each other’s company.

“You guys ready for the tour?”

Brian nodded. “As ready as we’ll ever be. There’s a lot of pressure this time around.”

“Well it won’t be your first tour. Or your last, by the looks of it.”

“Yeah, but this CD is so big. Bigger than I ever could’ve imagined. The stakes are higher. People are expecting more.”

I slipped a hand into his. “You’re right. They are expecting more, but that’s exactly what they’re going to get. The five of you are so amazing together on stage. Even for the run through, you all were unbelievable. You especially. I’ve never seen you smile quite like that.”

I hadn’t even realized that until I said it, but it was true. He was in his element when he was performing. They were born to be doing this, and I had a feeling that they were still going up.

“Smile like what?” Brian inquired.

I didn’t know how to put it into words. I paused, thinking about it. Picturing his face when he’d been up there singing for the rehearsal. “Happy.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad I didn’t look bored being on stage, since I’m going to have a lot of people watching me pretty soon…”

“That’s the only word for it though. You were happy. When you were up there, a look of pure contentment was on your face. Like you couldn’t imagine anything you’d rather be doing.” His fans were going to notice the spark, too, I was sure. I could already see them interacting with them.

He nodded, thinking. We approached a small pond and stopped at the edge. The moon was reflecting on the water. I looked up, disappointed that I couldn’t see more stars. Though currently surrounded by trees, the lights of Orlando were not far, hiding the stars from view. I would probably be staring at the sky a lot in the coming months. No matter how far away he was, he’d still be able to see the same moon as me. That was somehow comforting.

Well, except for the tour dates that would take him across the world. Brian would be seeing the sun when it was night here. Nevertheless, the sky made the world seem a little bit smaller.

“This has been the perfect week.” I didn’t even realize I’d spoken aloud until Brian answered.

“Pretty much,” he smiled.

What You Wanna Know and all of his emotional baggage that the novel brought out hadn’t been spoken of. In a way, I was glad we’d gotten into that argument. I understood him better because of it, which could only be beneficial to our relationship, as far as I was concerned.

In fact, it had been already. I knew how serious he was about distinguishing between those who viewed him as Brian Backstreet and those who simply cared about Brian Littrell. It was a miracle I hadn’t had the opportunity to bring up being a bit of a fan, because I knew we wouldn’t be standing here tonight. There didn’t seem to be a way of convincing him that perhaps someone in the ladder group could become someone in the other; someone who didn’t care about his fame.

“Has Carmen said anything about Nick?”

I hadn’t expected this change in topic. “Lots. Why?”

“Just wondering. I know the two of you probably swap stories every night,” he laughed. “I just wanted to know what she thought of him.”

“She likes him. And there are other things we talk about, thank you,” I said. Not nearly as much, of course. But he didn’t need to know how much time I spent in a day thinking about him. “We spend a great deal of time each night discussing politics and foreign policy…”

Brian laughed again, his eyes crinkling as he looked down at me. “Forgive me, I didn’t realize the two of you were quite so worldly. No, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Nick and I talk about the two of you all the time.”

I peered at him, tilting my head. I couldn’t see the two of them, two boys, gossiping about us the way we did about them. “What do you say?”

He shrugged, looking back at the pond, purposefully being frustrating.

“You’re not going to elaborate at all?”

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing. Carmen is going to have a lot to tell you tonight. Hopefully good news,” he added.

I put my hands on my hips. “That’s all I get? I don’t know why you bring it up if you aren’t going to tell me anything.”

“Because it’s fun to watch you get mad.”

I didn’t say anything, not wanting to give him the pleasure of seeing me get even more frustrated. Either way, Brian was going to win.

He seemed to sense this fact, looking a little smug. I just gave him a look. Brian put his arm around my waist and leaned his head on top of mine. Another perfect moment. We’d fallen into a comfortable pattern with each other.

His cellular phone rang, breaking the silence. “Sorry,” he said sincerely.

I nodded. I was happy knowing he had been enjoying the moment as much as I was.

“Hello?” he said into the phone.

He spoke with whoever it was for a moment. I assumed it was one of the other Backstreet Boys, because Brian was talking about the schedule for tomorrow.

“Is that all? I’m out with August right now…” Brian said. After listening to what the person on the phone said, he cracked up.

I sent him a questioning look. “What?” I asked, when he simply grinned more.

“AJ says not to stay out too late with me, or you’ll be late for your date with him… What?” he spoke into the phone again. “No, I’m not putting you… fine,” Brian rolled his eyes. “What did you want to say?”

Brian had put AJ on speaker phone. “I was thinking we could get horizontal on the kitchen floor again…” he cracked up. I didn’t find it as funny. I sent an embarrassed glance to Brian. He was smiling and shaking his head at AJ.

“Right AJ. I’ll get right on that,” I said, sarcastically, knowing that if Natasha were within a block of him he wouldn’t be joking around like this. She would have wanted to kill him.

“Get on me, you mean?” AJ only laughed harder.

“Good night, AJ!” Brian said firmly, though his sense of humor was obviously still intact.

“You two have fun!”

Brian stuffed his cell back into his pocket. He looked at me, immediately sensing something was wrong despite my attempts to keep a blank face. “What is it?” his blue eyes searched mine.

I didn’t know what to say without sounding ridiculous.

“I won’t laugh. Promise.”

“If Natasha heard him saying that…” I still tried to avoid the question.

“Oh, don’t I know,” he said. “We’d have to find a replacement for the Backstreet Boys real quick. He’d usher in the new millennium from a hospital bed.”

I smiled, too. If AJ’s comments weren’t bothering Brian, I don’t know why they were bothering me. I’d only been worried Brian would think there really was something going on. Or just get mad for no reason like Natasha had. I guess I was just wound a little tighter right now, knowing he’d be gone soon.

“AJ wouldn’t joke about it if something were really going on,” Brian said.

“I swear you know how to read my mind,” I said.

“Not your mind. It’s all in your eyes,” he pressed his forehead against mine. His eyes shined extra blue.

“I just would never want you to think…” I trailed off. “I don’t want to get into a fight with you like AJ and Natasha got into,” I finished lamely.

Brian smiled. “You have no reason to worry about it.” Then, heartbreakingly sincere, he said something that meant all the more because of who he was and because I knew how guarded he could be.

“I trust you.”

“About time!” Carmen exclaimed as I opened the apartment door.

I jumped, wondering how in the world she’d managed to get right behind the door that quickly. I threw my purse on the kitchen island and waited for my heart rate to go back to normal.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been waiting all day for you to get home!”

She hadn’t been scheduled to work today. So, while I’d risen with the sun and was exhausted from getting back from my date relatively late, she’d gotten to lounge around the house all day. Carmen hadn’t even gotten dressed. Instead, she was sporting her pajamas, much cuter than mine I had to admit. When Brian had stumbled upon me in my pjs, I shuddered to think of the sight before him. But if Nick were to walk in right now? He’d be drooling just as much as he always did when she was around.

I sat down on the couch, noticing the big smile on her face. “You going to tell me what’s going on?” She jumped into the seat next to me. Giddy, I noted incredulously. Carmen was giddy. There was an elementary school child sitting in front of me. She never acted this way. Whatever it was, it had to be good.

“Guess what!”

“Umm… I’ve already asked a million times.”

“Nick took me out last night…”

She trailed off, expecting me to guess. Carmen had still been out when I’d returned to the apartment from the park with Brian. I never even heard her come home, no doubt too far into dreamland by that point.

“And he professed that he, too, was an N’’Sync fan?” I joked.

“You know what? Not even your sarcasm can bug me today.”

I waited a few more seconds. She was obviously drawing this whole thing out for effect.

“Nick asked me to be his girlfriend!”

“What?”

I was shocked. How many dates had they been on? How well did they know each other? I suddenly recalled that Brian had mentioned something about Nick and Carmen last night. This must’ve been what he was being so cryptic about. Nick had already told Brian what he was going to ask Carmen.

“Nick Carter is my boyfriend,” she gushed, still smiling.

“Wow, Carmen! That’s great!” I didn’t think I was too convincing, but she wasn’t able to tell from her perch on Cloud Nine. She just sighed, leaning back on the couch and staring at the ceiling, dreamily.

“I couldn’t believe it. I mean, he did it out of nowhere…”

I’ll say, I thought. “So what does this mean? You going on the tour with him or something?”

“Well I can’t bail out for a semester. But we were looking at our schedule’s… like where he’ll be during fall break. And once I start classes, I’ll know which ones I can afford to miss. He said he’d fly me out for a long weekend. Isn’t that wonderful? I’ll get to do a little bit of traveling! I’ve hardly ever been anywhere!”

Carmen’s family was from Florida. For family vacations, her father had always said, “Why go anywhere else? The rest of the country is always coming here for a reason!” Therefore, though she’d explored every inch of the state, she was long overdue to broaden her horizons.

I told her I was happy for her. I was mostly telling the truth.

Apparently, Nick had been acting nervous all night. He waited until they got to the apartment door before he found the courage. After blurting it quickly and quietly, Carmen needed to ask him to repeat himself. She had no idea what he was talking about. He took her hand and asked her again…

She, of course, answered yes.

“That is just so great,” I said again.

Carmen glanced at me. The excitement from telling me was wearing off enough for her to detect the hint in my voice I was trying to cover up. Luckily, the phone rang, saving me from furthering this conversation.

“Hello?... Well, hi boyfriend,” Carmen said into the phone.

Yup. Giddy as a schoolgirl, I retreated to my room.

I realized with regret that I was jealous. Brian and I had known each other longer, after all. Part of me felt that they shouldn’t be allowed to take that next step until we did, as stupid as I knew that was. It obviously hadn’t crossed his mind. That’s what made it worse. Brian had brought it up so casually last night. Fully aware of what Nick was planning to say, he wasn’t jealous at all.

We’re not anything.

But I knew even as I thought them, those words that haunted me, that they weren’t true. Brian had said that once out of anger, and it was time that I let it go. He’d proven to me last night that that was anything but the case. I trust you.

This only managed to make me feel worse. I thought of his eyes, his voice, his smile when he’d said that. Such bittersweet sincerity. I didn’t deserve to be his girlfriend. Brian shouldn’t trust me because I was lying to him. Not purposefully, at least not initially, but it was a lie nonetheless. How could I expect our relationship to move forward when I’d built such a crappy foundation?

“Hey!” Carmen came in and literally hopped onto my bed, jumped a few times, and then sat cross legged.

“What did Nick have to say?” This was her night. The last thing she needed to hear about was my latest worries about Brian.

“He was just calling to say hi. They’ve gotta work late tonight, so I won’t get to see him until tomorrow. They’re done with rehearsal, but they had some PR to do.”

“Oh okay,” I said. “Well,” I said, noticing again how happy she was and wanting to be a good best friend, “I say we go get some ice cream to celebrate. I’ll treat.”

“Looking like this?” said the cover girl for beautiful. “Give me an hour to get showered and dressed and then we can go.”

I laughed. “Deal.”

She started to leave and ran back in to give me a quick hug. “Thanks!” She left for a shower. I smiled again, really happy for her this time.

With an hour to kill, I grabbed some strawberries to munch on and sat at my desk. I decided to check my e-mail, expecting to hear from my parents and one of my high school friends. While my family hadn’t responded (they were taking their time adjusting to the internet, and didn’t get online regularly), but my friend had sent me an e-mail. There was a link, and I clicked on it without thinking twice.

I knew something was wrong instantly. I tried moving the mouse, but the cursor was frozen. After a minute, I restarted it. When the screen came back on a message appeared as soon as I tried to click the Microsoft Word icon, figuring that would be an easy task for the computer to achieve. I was wrong.

The message said: Have a cupholder.

The disc drive tray popped out. I pushed it back in and tried to get to “My Computer” to figure out how to fix the problem, but every time I clicked I was simply offered another cupholder.

I yelled at the computer, resisting the urge to kick it. My luck, I’d break it even worse. I was cursing the contraption when Carmen finished her shower. She came in, a towel still wrapped around her head.

“What is your problem?”

“This,” I showed her my computer.

She laughed. I glared.

“Well, you have to admit. That is kind of funny. If you have to have a virus, at least it’s harmless.”

I didn’t agree. Yes, everything else seemed to be on the system still, but what good was that if I couldn’t get to anything?

Carmen patted me on the shoulder. “We’ll just have to get someone to look at it. I’m sure it’ll be fine. You can use mine if you need to.” She started to leave and paused. “Just watch what e-mails you open!”

I glared at her again.

“I still get ice cream, right?”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Yeah. But you lost your second scoop option.”

“Aww… that’s harsh.”

“Will you finish getting ready before I can do anymore damage?” I smiled.

I shut off my mess of a computer and went to hurry Carmen along.

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

I yawned, leaning my head on Nick’s shoulder. My bed was waiting for me. But it seemed so far away.

I opened my eyes long enough to see Kevin glaring at me. The interviewer was finishing up with her questions. I’d answered every one directed at me, and been personable and witty, if I did say so myself. I was too tired to even remember what magazine this article was going to be featured in. We’d had a photo shoot this afternoon. We’d gotten done with rehearsal and I’d had just enough time to change clothes, take a shower, and then the camera was being shoved in my face and make-up applied.

Deciding it was easier to comply than get into an argument later, I sat up straight again.

The woman asked one more question. We talked about how excited we were for the impending tour and then thanked her for her time. A short while later, we were outside and heading towards our vehicles.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea to look bored in front of an interviewer,” Kevin was telling me.

“Chill, Kev,” AJ came to my aid. “She didn’t notice. I wouldn’t have noticed anything, either, if it wasn’t for your token look. That was a good interview. Don’t stress.”

Kevin didn’t listen to the last remark, which was a shame since it would have done him some good. AJ was right: Kevin was worried about opening night. He could be a bit of a perfectionist, a trait that ultimately strengthened our group, but I was too sleepy to appreciate it right now. I was as ready as I was ever going to be for Into the Millennium. I just wanted to get up on stage and feel the energy from the fans. That energy would get me through each and every show, I was sure of it.

“Someone needs to find himself a woman,” AJ whispered, making sure that he was just loud enough that Kevin would hear.

“Excuse me?” Kevin raised his eyebrows.

“What?” AJ feigned ignorance.

“I think you guys should spend a little less time thinking about girls and a little more time thinking about work,” Kevin replied.

“Said like a true single guy,” AJ flashed a smile.

Kevin looked up to the sky as if making a silent plea.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who needs some sleep, huh, cous?” I decided we should be a little nicer to him, noticing how tired he, too, looked all of a sudden. The last thing we needed was to be on each other’s nerves before the tour even started.

He nodded. “You can say that again.”

“Am I the only one who’s not sleepy?” Nick said.

The four of us stared at him. I wanted to be the one to wake him up early tomorrow morning and ask him how awake he was then. I laughed inwardly, knowing how cranky he was before the sun was up.

“That’s right, Carter has a girlfriend now, doesn’t he?” AJ caught on.

“Really?” Kevin looked from AJ to Nick for a confirmation. “How cute, Nick’s first girlfriend…” he said, truly acting like an older brother.

“She’s not my first girlfriend!” Nick exclaimed.

Kevin just ruffled his hair.

Nick had been different today. A good different. His vocals had that extra punch in them, and he was really getting into the dancing. Of course, the interviewer had had to repeat a few questions more than once in response to him gazing dreamily into outerspace, but that had been too amusing to criticize. His happiness was contagious. He was currently sporting a lopsided grin.

Nick’s new relationship status seemed to effectively give Kevin something else to think about besides work, and he seemed more relaxed already. Howie hopped in his car after saying a quick goodbye. He was hoping he still had time to call Diana and say goodnight. I looked at my watch, but I knew that by the time I got back to the apartment, it would be too late to try and call August. Besides, my bed was still waiting for me.

“What is wrong with your gene pool that you can’t get girlfriends? Everyone’s officially off the market except for the two of you,” AJ commented.

“Not according to that interview,” I laughed. “As always, we’re all single! Imagine that.”

“Oh, right,” Nick laughed.

“How convenient,” AJ smiled, too. “I wonder how long we’re going to have to go with that answer. The five of us have been single for years now… it’s getting pretty pathetic. The fans are going to wonder what the heck is wrong with us.”

“We’ll have wedding rings on our fingers. Our wives will be sitting next to us, the kids running around… ‘Nope, none of us have girlfriends,’” I put on blank expression. “’Why do you ask?’”

I couldn’t remember the last time we’d laughed that hard. The absurdity of the music business could be rather amusing. Still, I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing.

“Alright,” Kevin said finally. “I need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to come too quickly. Don’t stay out here too late.”

“Yes, pop,” Nick grinned.

The parking lot was soon empty except for the three of us.

“Well, Kevin’s right. We should all get some sleep,” I said. “Have a good one.”

“Alright, B. Peace out guys,” AJ did a corresponding peace sign and strolled to his car. When I finally reached my apartment, I managed to stand long enough to brush my teeth and register that Howie was still awake. I could hear him talking through his bedroom door, to Diana no doubt. He was just like Nick, I realized. Nick still hadn’t looked at all sleepy when I’d left him. He was probably still daydreaming about Carmen. Howie, too, couldn’t go to bed until he’d talked to his girlfriend. It was sweet.

For them, anyway.

I was a little uneasy about depending so much on another person for happiness. People weren’t that reliable, after all. Then I thought of August and couldn’t imagine her making me anything but. Still in my clothes, I laid down on top of my comforter, glad I’d switched the light off when I’d come in my room. I knew I wouldn’t be getting up again tonight.

Exhausted but in a good mood, I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of concerts and getting to sing the new music to all of the fans. When I looked into the audience, I could see August in the front row, looking up at me. For just a second, the screams faded away. The lights faded away. I could hear a pin drop. She and I were alone in the stadium, but the energy of the sold-out crowd was still present. I rolled over in my sleep, smiling.

~*~August’s point of view~*~

“You are so beautiful, to me,” Carmen sang loudly. “Can’t you see? You’re everything I’d hoped for…”

“Oh my gosh!” I covered my ears. “Leave the singing up to the guys! Please!”

She didn’t have any music playing yet, but she was holding up the microphone, her voice was blaring through the speaker. She’d gotten several karaoke CDs, including a recently released pop music mix that included I Want It That Way. We’d gotten a kick out of that.

The counter was covered with chips and soda. I’d managed to clean the apartment this week in my spare time. I sat with Diana on the couch, watching Carmen pick a song to perform.

“Oh, come on August, we can sing one together!”

I agreed to Shania Twain’s Man! I Feel Like A Woman with her. I plugged in the other microphone and stood next to her, Diana cheering us on. We were in the middle of the first verse when the doorbell rang.

“Come on in,” Diana called.

Brian, Nick, and Kevin walked in.

I paused, feeling a little ridiculous doing this in front of world famous musicians, but I joined in again when I noticed Carmen hadn’t missed a beat. “Oh, oh ,oh, get in the action feel the attraction. Oh, oh, oh, color my hair, do what I dare. Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feel. Man! I feel like a woman!”

Carmen was dancing a bit with her microphone, eying Nick. I glanced at Brian and rolled my eyes. He grinned back, sitting next to Diana and putting his hands together several times during the parts of the song with no lyrics.

When the song was over, Nick made a pouty face. “I wanted to sing that song!”

I sat next to Brian, worried about how tonight was going to go. I have to, I told myself.

“You’re still welcome to, Nick,” Diana said. “I for one would love to hear your rendition of it.”

“No, I don’t want to steal the thunder from these two wonderful vocalists,” Nick said.

“You guys should definitely sing something!” Carmen said, pulling out the CD case and pointing to the back. “I vote for this.”

She put in I Want It That Way. We pushed the three of them on stage. Nick and Brian shared a microphone since there were only two. Brian scratched his head as the introduction started.

“I’m not sure I know the words to this song.”

Nick started singing, “You are, my fire…”

“Hey, man! That’s my line!”

“You said you didn’t know it… believe when I say, I want it that way!”

Brian, in turn, started singing Nick’s part, but changed the words. “But you, don’t know how to sing. There’s AJ Mclean…”

Laughing, I turned around to see AJ and Natasha walking in.

“AJ say…” Brian sang, still parodying the song.

AJ sang up just in time as Brian held out the mike to him. “I want it that way!”

The four of them sang the chorus. They were nearing the end when Howie showed up.

As they were perofrming the last “I want it that way,” Brian yelled, ‘Take it away, Howard!”

“Cuz I want it that way,” Howie sang with AJ.

The rest of us cheered.

“It’s almost like you do this for a living,” I said to Brian.

He smacked his hands on his cheeks. “No way!”

We opened chips and passed around soft drinks.

I glanced at Natasha. She had purposefully not glanced in my direction once since arriving. I was certain that she was only here because AJ had promised to come, and she wanted to keep an eye on me. As I had nothing to say to her, though, it was actually a relief. The only downside was not being able to talk with AJ, since she was standing next to him. Natasha stood out, too: everyone in the room was dressed casually except for her, wearing what had to be her littlest black dress.

“You all packed?” I turned to Brian, realizing I’d been quiet tonight. I was worried he’d prove once again to sense that something was wrong.

“Almost. That’s what I’ll be doing all of tomorrow.”

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. The more I tried to think of something, the more I drew a blank. Surely he was going to realize something was with me tonight. I looked at him, following his gaze. He didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular. In fact, he was as distracted as I was. Never had I wished for the ability to read minds more. No wonder he wasn’t sensing my mood. Brian had something on his mind, as well.

“Please, Nick! Please!” Carmen begged. She fluttered her eyelashes.

“Fine,” Nick relented.

Carmen ran to the karaoke machine, skipped to track five, and pressed play. After handing Nick his microphone, she sat on the couch, full of anticipation.

“Oh, baby, baby. How was I supposed to know,” Nick serenaded her. Plugging his nose, he continued, “That something wasn’t right here.”

“Oh my, God. Where’s my camera?” AJ said.

After Nick finished singing his first “Hit me baby one more time,” Kevin called, “You’re out of the group!”

Howie got up there with him, and they started doing some of the dance moves from the music video. As the song was ending, AJ was calling for an encore. Natasha was sulking because the singing had taken AJ’s attention off of her.

Brian slipped his hand into mine as we watched.

I turned to him, wishing I could enjoy the performance as much as everyone else seemed to be. “Hey…”

“Brian, come here a sec,” Kevin interrupted. He and Howie had been discussing something, and it seemed like he wanted Brian’s input on the topic at hand.

Brian looked a little relieved. Whatever was on his mind definitely had to do with me. What a party this was turning out to be. I walked over to Nick and Carmen. They were talking about the first show the Backstreet Boys were doing in Orlando.

“Yeah, they aren’t the greatest seats, but at least you’ll be there.”

“Nick, that’s great!” Carmen gave him a hug. “Hey, August, check this out!” She was holding up the two tickets.

I looked at the one she handed me. We had, of course, wanted to be there for opening night, but it hadn’t become real until this moment. The tour had already gone on sale by the time we’d entered the picture, and every date long since sold out, but we’d been told they’d figure something out for any show we wanted toattend. It was row M, but I wasn’t complaining. Only having the personal Backstreet Boy connections could’ve gotten us something even that close. Since they were performing in the round, it wasn’t as if could watch from backstage.

“Well, Brian and I both wanted you two there,” Nick grinned. “Hopefully, I’ll be able to work something better out for the other shows you go to.”

I took a magnet and pinned both tickets on the refrigerator.

“Ooh,” Diana came up behind me and looked at the seats. “I’ve got front row!” She grinned.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Carmen stuck up her hand and laughed.

I assumed Natasha did, too, since they’d been dating AJ and Howie since before the ticket sale.

I leaned over to Carmen. “You know, if we got Natasha sick or something so that she couldn’t’ go, we could share her seat…”

She laughed some more, giving me a high five. “And that is why we’re best friends!”

My spirits had lifted considerably by the time Brian came back over.

“So Nick gave you your ticket? Good!” he smiled. “You’re coming, right?”

“If you want me there.”

His face lit up. “You know I do.” There was that beautiful sincerity again.

I took a deep breath. “Could I talk to you for a minute?”

Brian instantly noted the change in the tone of the conversation.

“You want to help me give Diana here the official tour?” Carmen was saying.

Diana had never been to the apartment before today. She’d arrived early, but the three of us had gone to the grocery store and then were setting up the living room until the Boys had arrived, so she hadn’t had time to look around yet.

“What?” I said, distractedly. “Oh, no. You go ahead.”

Brian looked worried as I pulled him out onto the balcony.

We could only see a sliver of the moon tonight. Clouds scattered the sky. A few of them threatened some much needed rain. I leaned again the railing, nervous.

“Brian…”

“Hey, Rok. You want to…” AJ had come out. Looking as if he though he’d walked in on the middle of something, he paused. “Nevermind.” Then he gave Brian a big smile, followed by a quick wink, and slid the balcony door shut behind him.

“What was that look for?” I asked.

“Huh?” Brian looked startled.

“That look he gave you…”

“Oh. Nothing,” he said, looking at me intently. “August, what’s up?”

I didn’t answer at first. He put a hand on each of my arms, gently turning me towards him and trying to read my expression. Most of his face was in the shadows, but the blue was his eyes was as visible as ever.

“August?”

“I have something to tell you.”

Maybe this wouldn’t go as badly as I kept envisioning it would. I could explain, after all. And he should know me well enough by now to realize why I’d lied to him. Well, not outright lied. Hid the truth, rather. And it hadn’t been all along, only since I knew how much it would bother him.

Well, that part made it worse, didn’t it? But surely he could see why.

“August,” Brian said my name again. His eyes were full of understanding. I hoped they would stay that way. “What do you need to tell me? I’m getting worried.” He laughed nervously.

I could feel water forming, ever so slightly, in my eyes. Just do it. It’s like a band-aid. Rip it off.

“I want to be honest with you,” I started. “I—“

There was a loud shout inside. Our eye contact broke.

Brian opened the door and we peered inside, making sure everyone was okay.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Natasha said, loudly. It had been her we’d heard, but she wasn’t yelling in anger. She looked incredulous, almost pleased. “Hey, Brian, come here.”

Carmen was sitting on the couch. We exchanged glances, but she didn’t know any more than I did.

Brian removed his hand from the small of my back. He’d placed it there, protectively, when we had heard the shout. He walked over to Natasha.

To my horror, she led him into my room. What had she been doing in there?

The five second walk across the living room felt like an eternity. I could feel everyone’s eyes darting from me to my room, curiously. I stood in the doorway.

The Backstreet Boys poster was sitting on my bed.

My heart stopped. I turned to Brian, about to launch into a series of explanations. I stopped when I saw his face.

Brian was staring at my computer screen.

Microsoft Word was open on the screen. The virus had been fixed somehow. Diana was standing near the desk, looking as if she wanted to be anywhere else in the world but here. Natasha was sitting in my desk chair. She looked at me, face full of triumph.

I returned my gaze to Brian, mouth open but no words coming out. Tears filled my eyes.

He was reading it, I realized.

I wished he would yell at me. Anything was better than the expression on his face when he finally turned to look back at me. There was nothing but hurt.

After standing there staring at each other for several long seconds, he just shook his head. A mix of confusion and pain were replaced by a blank stare. Without a word, he walked by me. Everyone in the living room, still confused about what was going on, stared at him as he passed. The room was filled with his forced, fake calm. As he was grabbing his keys and opening the door, I finally found my voice.

“Brian, wait!”

He ignored me. The door shut.

I couldn’t let him leave like this. I ran to it, ignoring the questions being thrown at me. I ran down the stairwell and outside. Brian was walking briskly towards his jeep. Clouds were still hiding the moon. There was a streetlight glowing faintly in the distance.

“Brian!” I said again. “Wait, I can explain.”

He paused. With his back facing me, head lowered, he said, “There’s nothing to explain.” It was the same forced calm.

“Yes, there is!”

“There’s nothing you can say…”

“I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.”

He laughed bitterly. “You didn’t mean for me to find out at all,” he corrected me.

I shook my head, though he couldn’t see the action. “That’s not true.”

Brian finally turned around and I regretted my initial wish for him to yell at me. I hadn’t thought there could be anything worse than that look, but I realized I’d never seen him angry before. His eyes, usually a calming color of blue skies and ocean waves, flashed. His jaw clenched. “Neither was our relationship.”

I started to say something, but he interrupted me. I felt a tiny raindrop fall on my face already wet with tears.

“You lied to me!”

“I was going to tell you the truth,” I tried to reiterate this point. “I was just scared…”

“You’ve had plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth. Nothing but opportunity, in fact.” His eyes were watery, too. Tears of anger.

I raised my arms in frustration. “How could I tell you when I knew you’d react like this? And I didn’t recognize you at first. Yes, I like the Backstreet Boys music, but why is that such a bad thing? That’s a big part of who you are. Brian, just because I’m a fan…”

“Just because you’re a fan…” he let out a laugh, full of irony.

I stared, surprised.

His voice was unsettlingly quiet. After a brief pause, he asked, “So how long before it’s published?”

“What?” my mind blanked.

“That article.”

Published? “Never…”

“Please,” Brian shook his head in disbelief.

“Brian, I swear…”

“Because your word is worth a whole lot?” he said. “You used me for a stupid article! For your journalistic aspirations!” he was yelling at this point. Each word hit me at full speed. I felt like I was going to be knocked backwards by their force.

“You think I’m going to stick around so you can use me some more? So I can give you enough material for a freaking book? Yeah, I don’t think so. Been there, done that.”

I realized the full depth of the conversation. He wasn’t upset that I was a fan; he was past that. He thought something much, much worse. I’d hit him where it hurt the most without meaning to.

“I wrote that article for the fun of it. I never intended for anyone to read it.”

“This has all been for fun to you, hasn’t it? “ Brian screamed, misinterpreting my words, then let out a sigh as his own statement sunk in. He lowered his voice. It was like the fight had been knocked out of him. “It’s my fault. I was stupid enough to trust you. I was stupid enough to fall for this again.” He looked at the sky, lost, as more raindrops fell, then back at me.

I could hear thunder faintly in the distance.

“I should’ve known better.”

“This is a misunderstanding. We can work this out,” I insisted.

The look he gave me tore my heart in half. All the anger had suddenly disappeared. He looked…

Broken.

This is the worst look of all, I realized. The wave of despair washed over me.

“No, we can’t,” he said simply.

Brian started getting into his jeep.

“I love you,” I said, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

I was sure he heard me, though. His whole body tensed. Then he sat down, pulling the door shut and starting the engine.

Until that moment, the moment I was about to lose him forever, I hadn’t realized it. But it was true. In fact, nothing I’d ever felt was more true than this emotion. The horrible aching of love.

The rain started to pour. I shivered, drenched by the time he was pulling out of his parking space. Brian drove away, my heart falling with the raindrops and shattering on the pavement.

I didn’t go back to the apartment for a good while that night. I wanted to be sure that everyone else was gone. The thought of having to face then, of having to explain what had happened… I couldn’t deal with it.

Instead, I walked around the small park near the apartment complex. I waited until my eyes weren’t capable of anymore tears.

Carmen was waiting for me. I knew she would be. Diana was there, too, which surprised me.

“August, I’ve been worried to death!” Carmen said. “Do you have any idea how long you’ve been gone?”

I didn’t. I’d lost track of time. I sat on the couch, feeling numb. Unable to look either of them in the eyes.

“What happened?” Carmen asked, sitting on one side of me. Diana moved to the other.

“He…” I had to take a deep breath before I could continue. “He never… wants to… see me again.” As much as I tried to calm down, I could feel my eyes water again. I choked over each word.

“Did you try to explain?”

I nodded. “He… wouldn’t… believe me.”

Sensing that I couldn’t go on, Carmen said, “It’s all my fault. When I was giving the tour, I mentioned the computer virus. I told them about the cup holder because Natasha was being her regular self, and I was trying to lighten the mood. Diana mentioned that she was good with computers…”

“It’s my fault,” Diana interjected. “I feel horrible, August! I only got on your computer to try to help.”

I realized now why she’d stayed. She felt guilty and wanted to explain.

“No, I left you two in there… Nick called me out to the living room…”

Diana shook her head at Carmen. “I got it running again and just wanted to make sure your systems were working. I clicked on the Word icon and just picked a file at random. I got up to find you, and Natasha got on the computer…”

“That whore,” Carmen muttered, crossing her arms.

“When did she… find the poster,” I asked, trying to take it all in.

“I guess she was kind of looking around your room when I was getting rid of the virus,” Diana said. “She must’ve looked in your closet. Anyway, you were on the deck, so I came back into your room and by then Natasha had been reading…”

I could take the rest from there. “Oh.”

“I swear, August, I hadn’t looked at the document. I didn’t…” she was getting teary eyed, too.

“It’s neither of your faults,” I said. “It’s no one’s fault but my own.”

Carmen passed me a tissue.

“I was going to tell him tonight… I was about to tell him. I mean, not about the article—I hadn’t thought about it since, it was just me killing a few minutes—but about being a fan. Ironic, huh?” I laughed sadly and wiped my face with the tissue again.

“It’s not like you would have ever published it, right?” Carmen asked. “He’s got to understand that. Deep down.”

“So I guess you read it?”

She exchanged looks with Diana. “Yeah. We were wondering what all the fuss was about. And not until everyone else left, of course. I had a good enough idea when I saw the poster. I kicked Natasha out, I can promise you that. I gave her an earful. If she can ever hear again, it’ll be a miracle.” Carmen put her arm around my shoulder.

They had already cleaned up from the party. I sat on the couch for several minutes, not saying anything. Not knowing what to say.

“You know, I think we still have some ice cream left from the last time you and Brian fought,” Carmen got up and rummaged through the freezer. She pulled out my favorite: Chocolate Fudge Brownie. After passing each of us a spoon, and scooped herself out a big bite.

I still felt miserable, but it helped slightly.

“We’ll have to buy some more for next time,” Carmen said, once the carton was getting empty.

“What next time?” I wondered.

“I’m sure you guys will get through this,” Diana said comfortingly. “This just caught Brian by surprise. He’ll calm down though. You can tell him how you really feel…”

“I told him I loved him.”

Diana stared at me. Carmen froze, spoon full of ice cream in mid-air.

“You did? What did he say?”

“Nothing,” I sighed.

“And… do you?” Carmen asked.

Did I love him or was I simply caught up in the moment? That’s what she was asking. “Yes.” I forced more ice cream into my mouth, so I couldn’t talk. So I wouldn’t cry. They didn’t know what to tell me, but they sat with me anyway.

**********

On Monday, I was still replaying the events of two nights before over and over again in my head. What if I’d said this, or done that… It was all hindsight bias now. I thought about calling him, but I was afraid he’d hang up on me. Besides, what could I say at this point that I hadn’t already?

It was hopeless. I’d never had a broken heart before, not really. I’d never felt so sick in my life. I would’ve gladly broken my arm again, like the one time in fourth grade. Or gotten my tonsils taken out again. My wisdom teeth. All three on the same day.

Nothing was worse than this.

I stayed in bed for half the day, calling in sick to work. I couldn’t get myself to go in. It made me think of Brian.

Carmen tried to make me lunch, but I couldn’t eat. I could manage a few bites here or there, but I hadn’t had a full meal since before the party. I just wasn’t hungry. When I went to get a bottle of water out of the fridge, I saw the concert tickets where I had placed them. Opening night was tonight. I forced myself to look away. I was on my last box of tissues and wasn’t about to go to the store looking and feeling like this.

“I don’t suppose there’s any way I can convince you to come tonight?” Carmen asked gently.

“He won’t want me there.” It was painful to say, but it was true.

A horrible image ran through my mind of him seeing me in the audience. Of him glaring at me in hate and disgust. I thought of his face before he left… I couldn’t bear to see that expression again.

“Are you going to be okay here by yourself tonight?”

I could tell what she really wanted to ask. “Carmen, go to the concert. Nick would be crushed if you didn’t show up. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

I’ll be fine. I wasn’t sure I ever would be again. But her being miserable tonight, too, wouldn’t solve anything. I knew how much she was looking forward to seeing the performance. I had been, too.

The doorbell rang and Carmen went to get it.

“Nick, what are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to drop by for a second. I’ve got soundcheck in an hour. But I’m packed and ready to go otherwise.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, August,” he said, glancing at my wrinkled clothes and unwashed hair. “How are you?”

It was one of those questions people already know the answer to, but feel like they have to ask anyway.

“Umm… I’ve been better.” That was an understatement.

I started to get up, to give them a moment to talk before he had to leave, but Nick stopped me.

“I didn’t mean to kick you out, August.”

I remembered that they were going out to celebrate after the show tonight, as well as say goodbye to each other for the time being. It dawned on me that he wasn’t here to see Carmen. He was checking up on me. I smiled inwardly.

“How’s…” I stopped myself. It was automatic for me to ask about Brian. “Everyone excited for the show tonight?”

Nick looked from Carmen to me, not sure how to talk to me. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re… all excited. Are you…?”

“No, she’s not coming,” Carmen answered for me.

“Thanks for the ticket, Nick. I just… can’t.”

“Oh,” he said. “Well, no problem.”

There was an awkward silence.

“AJ is really pissed off at Natasha,” Nick said.

Carmen smacked him on the arm. I guess she’d asked him not to bring it up. Especially not Natasha. I also assumed she’d filled him in on what had happened. As far as what the article I’d written said and why we’d fought, although Brian had probably filled him in, too. I knew Carmen wouldn’t have mentioned that I’d said I loved him, but I didn’t know whether or not Brian would tell Nick. Regardless, Nick was trying to relay that he was rooting for me. I appreciated it, even though I knew that Brian and I were a lost cause.

I laughed slightly. I knew he was only trying to help. “That’s funny. Me, too.” Even though I took full responsibility for what happened. Still, it brought me some happiness to know that Natasha hadn’t gotten off completely. Their fights never lasted long, but it was nice to feel as if I had people on my side.

“Well, it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on,” Nick joked.

Carmen glared at him again, but I laughed.

“Yeah, Nick. That’s true.” I laughed again, and for a few seconds my heart didn’t ache. Nick glanced at the clock. “Well, I’d better get going. I wasn’t kidding about only having a second to spare today.”

“I’ll see you tonight,” she said, walking him back to the front door.

“You bet,” he said, then turned back to me. “I really am sorry, August.” He gave me a half smile. “Especially since I thought Brian had already…”

Nick stopped suddenly, looking embarrassed. He raked his fingers through his hair nervously. Carmen’s eyes were wide. She was angry he’d almost let something slip.

“What?” I asked, worried.

Unconvincingly, Nick answered, “Nothing.” Carmen echoed with the same response.

Nick stuttered. “Uh, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Nick, what?” I asked nicely but firmly.

Carmen shot him a look, then thought better of it. “You worry about your big night. I’ll handle this. Good luck, sweetie. You’re going to do great.” She gave him a kiss. Nick looked from her to me, but then nodded. What did “handle this” mean?

“Are you sure? I only meant…”

She started pushing him towards the door.

“I’m sorry you’re not coming tonight,” Nick repeated. “And… I’m sorry,” he gave me a half smile. “Umm… I’ll see you guys later.”

Once gone, Carmen busied herself putting the food away. Putting the tie on the loaf of bread, she asked, “Are you sure you won’t eat anything?”

“Don’t try to change the subject. What’s up?”

“August, just trust me. As your best friend, I know you won’t want to know. It’s only going to make you feel worse.”

“If it’s about Brian, I have to know.”

She sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to relent. She started wiping the counter. “At the party, he was… planning to ask you to be his girlfriend.”

I stared at the tickets on the fridge again. She was right, that did make me feel worse.

“Brian, can I talk to you for a second?” Kevin took me aside from the others.

“Yeah, cous. What’s up?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Seriously,” he pressed.

There was a lot of excitement going on around us. The stage crew was double checking every minor detail. We were dressed in blue, futuristic outfits for our opening songs. I could hear AJ, Nick, and Howie chatting nearby, checking their mikes and waiting to be hooked up to the harnesses to fly out to the stage.

“I’m fine,” I repeated, as if I had no idea what he was talking about.

“We have a lot of fans out there. They’re counting on us to give them what they paid for,” he peered down at me, brow furrowed. “A good show.”

“Yeah, Kevin. This isn’t my first day as a Backstreet Boy you know. I have performed once or twice.”

“Brian, I’m not joking around.”

That was stating the obvious. His arms were crossed in an intimidating manner, though I couldn’t tell whether it was intentional or simply Kevin… being Kevin. I didn’t know why I was getting this talking to. My vocals had been flawless during soundcheck. Better than his even. Kevin was over thinking everything. Once he got on stage and loosened up, he’d be fine. The stress would slowly fade away.

The fact that I’d sounded my best today had actually surprised me. I was running on a few hours sleep, which wasn’t ideal when I had so much singing and dancing to do tonight. When the clock struck two AM, there was no other choice that I could think of. I took some cold medicine that always put me to sleep. I needed some rest, and I wouldn’t have gotten any if I hadn’t acted. After all, I couldn’t be anything less than energetic to pull off this show.

I woke up this morning still tired, but the remnants of three cups of coffee, coupled with an energy drink this afternoon, were still with me. And, luckily, the adrenaline was kicking in. I could hear fans chanting: Backstreet Boys… Backstreet Boys… Backstreet Boys…

There was no time to think about anything, or anyone, else. I was a professional. I had a job to do.

“I’m not either, Kev,” I assured him.

Kevin stared at me intently, then nodded. I started to turn around, but I felt his hand on my shoulder. A second later, he was enveloping me in a hug. With a big pat on the back, he released me. “It’s going to be okay.”

Focus on the show.

We headed over to the other three guys. It was time for our pre-show tradition. What we did every concert. Some of the dancers joined our circle, too, for the group prayer.

I often led it, but Kevin did today. I was more than happy to relinquish the task over to him. He all huddled together.

God, please let this show go well, I thought.

A minute later, I was standing on a surfboard and listening to the introduction of Larger Than Life. We were raised into the air, the screams getting louder as we came into view.

My heartbeat sped up. I was more than ready to get lost in performing, in the music. To leave all my troubles behind.

And sing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Great show!” AJ came up afterwards.

We were in the dressing room, changing out of our sweaty clothes. I peeled off my blue shirt and threw it at him. “Was there ever any doubt?” I grinned.

All of our hard work had paid off. The crowd had been amazing. The fans already knew every lyric to Millennium, as well as songs from Backstreet Boys and Backstreet’s Back. The singing was especially loud and clear during I Want It That Way. There was something magical about a stadium of people singing the same song. This tour was going to be the best ever.

“Listen, I didn’t want to bring this up before the concert,” AJ turned serious, glancing at the floor. “I wanted to let you know that Natasha and I broke up yesterday.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “For real this time,” he said, adamantly. “It’s not just a fight. We’re through.”

“How come?”

“How come, what?” AJ tilted his head to the side.

“Why did you two break up?”

AJ stared at me. “You’re kidding, right?” He grabbed his fresh clothes out of a duffel bag.

I shook my head, then wiped my forehead with a towel.

“It’s not right what she did, setting you up like that…”

“Setting me up? She pointed out the truth.”

“The truth? Man, she was just trying to screw with you and August.”

I ignored the pang in my chest at the mention of her name. “Thanks to her, I saved myself from getting into a relationship. I’m grateful.” I sat down and pulled on my tennis shoes. “Don’t get me wrong, AJ. I think you’re better off without her, to be honest. She wasn’t good for you. But don’t end things on account of me.”

He didn’t seem to believe his ears. “How can you not be pissed at her? She was just aiming at August, but she got both of you. She sabotaged what you had.”

“By revealing the truth?” I repeated again. “I know what her intentions were, AJ. Like I said, I think you’re better off without her. But honesty is the most important part of a relationship, and August and I didn’t have that. I don’t know why it’s bothering all of you so much. It’s not bothering me.”

He raised an eyebrow, skeptically, but said nothing. “Well, either way. I’m sorry. And I can’t be with someone who would even think about treating my friends like that.”

I nodded, smiling slightly. “Thanks.”

Before I knew it, AJ was giving me a big hug, rocking me back and forth playfully.

He was the second Backstreet Boy in a matter of hours to do this. Nick came in the dressing room a few seconds later and ran over to us.

“Aw, group hug!” he said.

Third, I counted. I half expected Howie to appear at any second.

“You guys are crazy!” I laughed, jumping out of the AJ and Nick sandwich.

“You are coming out with us tonight to celebrate, right?” Nick asked.

“Of course,” I said. “What else do you think I’d be doing?”

Nick didn’t seem to know how to answer that question. Instead, he shrugged, looking uncomfortable.

I ignored it and got my stuff together. The stage crew was ready to start dismantling everything. We had buses waiting for us. None of us would be going home tonight, having to leave so early in the morning. The tour had officially started, though we hadn’t left town yet. And we couldn’t have driven ourselves anyway. I could only imagine trying to get out of the parking lot of if any fan spotted and recognized me.

I’d be surrounded. And that situation could actually become really dangerous.

Howie and Kevin were already outside by the buses. Two girls were with them. Once we got closer, I realized it was Diana… and Carmen. I’d forgotten she was even going to be here. But, of course, she was Nick’s girlfriend now. She would want to see him perform. The same for Diana. They wanted to support their boyfriends on their big night…

I wondered how it was going to be, interacting with August’s best friend, but I kept my face straight. There was no turning around now, even if I wanted so.

Nick ran straight to her. “What’d you think of the show?”

“I think that you were amazing!”

I felt a wave of jealously. I pushed it aside.

She was grinning at him, obviously proud. When she saw me, her smile faltered. “Hey,” she said, uneasily.

“Hi. How are you?” I said, as friendly as I could be. Carmen studied me. “I’m good. You did a great job tonight, too.”

She said it sincerely, but she didn’t sound happy about it for some reason. I said thanks, anyway. Her expression was guarded, the opposite of August’s, which was so often an open book.

Or so I’d thought, anyway. I suddenly noticed it wasn’t just the three of us participating in this conversation. Several sets of eyes were staring at us. I rolled my eyes, but not so much that anyone noticed. Did they expect a scene between Carmen and me? I was glad this day was almost over. Everyone seemed to be expecting me to go off at any moment. What they thought I’d do, I wasn’t sure. But they were waiting for something. Eventually, they would have to realize that I was exactly what I said.

Fine.

“Um,” Nick glanced back and forth between the two of us. “We all ready to go?”

“Yep,” I said cheerily.

I could feel Carmen watching me as I got on the bus.

We didn’t go anywhere very fancy. There was a nice restaurant downtown with a VIP section in the back. We rented it out for us and the dancers, as well as some of the stage crew who weren’t currently dismantling the stage. I ordered a huge piece of chocolate cake for dessert. I was always starving after performing. Usually, I would worry about the sugar keeping me up. But I knew I’d have another restless night, anyway, so why not indulge?

And I enjoyed every bite of it.

Carmen was studying me throughout the evening. I was sitting with Kevin and one of the dancers, but I noticed her periodically looking at me when in conversation with Nick. A few times, she’d say something to him and then Nick would be glancing at me, too.

Apparently, they’d never seen a man eat a piece of cake before. You’d think it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I finally returned their gaze, wondering if they wanted anything. They just smiled, looking caught, and turned back to each other.

As the time approached one o’clock, we started saying good bye for the night. My bus was waiting for me. The poor driver had some miles to cover tomorrow. For a split second, I was sure Carmen wanted to say something to me. She was nearby, caught my eye, and started to come towards me. But she stopped, waved, and finished saying goodbye to Nick.

I let out a sigh of relief. I headed out the back entrance of the restaurant and go to my bus, alone at last. I brushed my teeth and hopped onto my bunk. Physically, I was exhausted. Maybe I could get some sleep after all. I certainly hoped so.

The day was over. The concert had gone great and I’d chatted with everyone, enduring all the interrogations, some more blatant than others. Feeling I’d passed the unspoken test with flying colors, I closed my eyes and willed sleep to come.

~*~August's point of view~*~

The summer was slowly fading away. The first half had gone by so quickly. I’d blinked and it was July. Since then, each day had dragged. I finished my internship somehow. It wasn’t easy to go back, simply because of the connection it had with the fight, but I was done now. They’d offered me a job, part-time, during the school year. Especially since I didn’t have classes on Fridays this coming up semester, I could’ve worked a good amount of hours each week. And it had looked promising that they’d want to hire me full-time one day.

But I declined. Carmen flipped when I told her, saying that I was making a big mistake. But the fact of the matter was, my heart wasn’t in the writing anymore. I would find something else to concentrate on.

With classes impending, some friends were back in town, setting up their apartments and looking for part-time jobs for the year. Carmen got a few of them together and we had a girl’s night out, going to the movies to see a chick flick and getting ice cream afterwards. I was doing fine during the movie, but when they took me to the same ice cream parlor that Brian and I had gone to on our first date, I started to feel horrible again. We decided to go somewhere else instead, but the damage was done.

I just wasn’t capable of not thinking about him. I couldn’t remember what it was like to sleep through a night. I was still skipping a lot of meals, although the Ben and Jerry stock was probably benefitting from my pain.

Pa. The. Tic.

I played Millennium on repeat, just to hear his voice. There was one song in particular that I would play over and over again:

I’ve got this feeling, you’re not gonna stay, it’s burning within me

The fear of losing, of slipping away, just keeps getting closer, baby

Whatever reason to leave that I’ve had, my place is always beside you,

and I wish that I didn’t need you so bad, your face just won’t go away

I had always loved the song, but now I could relate. “Don’t wanna lose you now, baby, I know we can win this,” I sang along softly to it. Although I didn’t really think we could. ‘Win this,’ that is. Any remnants of hope I’d harbored were long gone. Whenever the harmony of that verse kicked in especially, the lyrics reached straight into my soul. There was something about that song that always touched me.

Whatever reason to leave that I’ve had my place is always beside you, and I wish that I didn’t need you so bad. Your face just won’t go away. It was too true.

“August, I love you, but if you play this song one more time, I’m going to have to find another roommate.”

“Sorry,” I turned my stereo off and sat back down on the bed.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” she asked. “It’s been weeks. You need to move on.”

Carmen was packing tonight. Nick was flying her out for a few shows before classes started. Diana was going, too. I’d come in my room because I couldn’t stand to watch her pack.

“I know. I just can’t.”

“August,” she said hesitantly, “it’s not like you even went out with him that long. He was busy with Backstreet half the time you all were dating. You’re first few weeks of acquaintance consisted of phone calls.”

I stared at her. I couldn’t believe that she was belittling what we’d had. Yes, that was all true. It was short lived. But I loved him. I’d never been surer of anything in my life. Sometimes I wished I didn’t, but it wasn’t a decision I could consciously make. And I knew it wasn’t a fact that was going to change any time soon.

“So. I don’t care how long it was. He was… is… the greatest guy in the world. And I blew it.”

“Natasha had a hand in that, too!” Carmen said. “Why does everyone keep forgetting about that?”

“Who’s everyone?”

“Um… nobody. You! What happened happened. I can’t stand to see you kicking yourself for it every day. Are you going to punish yourself for the rest of your life?”

I didn’t answer.

She sighed. “Anyways, I need to finish getting my clothes together.”

I thought about her leaving again. About how much I was sure I loved Brian. “What if I came with you?”

“What?”

“What if I went to meet them with you and Diana? You were the one saying that I just needed to explain things again…” I rushed, before I could think about it. I knew I was grasping at straws, but I couldn’t sit here and do nothing any longer. I know we can win this.

“No. That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because I think you need to move on.”

“But what if I never find anyone else?” I could hear the song playing in my head. Carmen was right. I’d listened to it way too much.

“You will.”

“But what if I don’t?” we went around in circles.

“I just don’t think you should invest so much time in him anymore,” she said cautiously.

“Carmen, what is it you’re trying to tell me?” I started to add up all the things she’d been saying tonight. “Carmen,” I said again when she didn’t answer. “Tell me, or I’m calling the airlines and booking my flight.” Good thing I had room on my credit card. This wasn’t going to be cheap.

She sat down in my desk chair. “If I thought it would make a difference, I would tell you- probably force you- on a plane to go find him and force him to stop being stupid. But I don’t think you’re going to get him back. I’m sorry. You know I’m rooting for you guys, but…” she trailed off.

“Carmen,” I repeated, “what do you know that I don't? Anything…”

“That has to do with Brian you want to know, I know,” she rolled her eyes. “Remember how well you took the news last time?”

Yeah. Not so much. “I’m not saying I’m going to like what you have to say, but I want to hear it.”

“Brian’s over it,” Carmen stated. “I’m sorry. I kept figuring he’d come around and realize what he was giving up, but… he’s moved on, August. I think you should, too. There are other guys out there. They aren’t Backstreet Boys, but we shouldn’t hold that against them. Not everyone’s cut out to be world famous boy banders.”

He’d moved on. I hadn’t exactly expected him to be half as much of a wreck as I was, but… I didn’t think he’d be over me either. I was hoping he missed me. At least a little.

“Over me? How did he act when you saw him?”

I’d heard about the opening night some. Mostly, she’d talked about the show and Nick. I had asked about Brian’s performance, and she said he had sung great. I didn’t realize until now the full meaning of that statement. I had only been happy that he had done a good job. I was still happy he had.

But it still stung that I hadn’t been on his mind.

“He acted… fine,” she shrugged. “He seems to be focusing on his career. I’m so sorry, August,” she said again. “But he’s happy. And that only means that he wasn’t the guy for you in the end. There’s someone else out there.”

I nodded, but I didn’t mean it. In fact, the more she said it, the less I believed her.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Carmen told me. “I just don’t want you to keep pining after someone who doesn’t realize how awesome you are. I mean, let’s be honest, I could be best friends with anyone. And I chose you!” she said grandly, grinning.

She was trying to make me laugh and it worked. “Maybe that’s just what I needed to hear.” Not what I wanted to hear, of course, but now that I knew that, maybe I could think about him a little less. Maybe the two of us hadn’t had quite what I’d thought.

Then I thought about the words I’d finally been able to get out of my mind. To him, we weren’t anything. But why had he looked so hurt when we had our fight? Why…

Well, if Carmen said that he was happy now, then he was happy now.

Of course, there was still the little problem of me being one-hundred percent in love with him. But there was nothing I could do about that.

And I wanted him to be happy. He deserved to be. I’d been reading reviews, and he was getting praise night after night. The newspaper articles showed him with a smile on his face, enjoying every second of being on stage. And I wasn’t the one making him happy. The truth was, Brian was better off without me.

~*~Brian’s point of view~*~

“Hey Brian,” AJ walked onto my bus. “What’s up?”

“Not much.” I was watching a DVD, lying on the couch and enjoying a break.

The tour had been going great so far, but I was getting pretty tired. We had two days off coming up, so that would be nice. I could sleep in some. Well, if I could get to sleep to begin with.

“Where’s Nick? I couldn’t find him on his bus, so I figured you all were playing video games or something.” AJ sat on the chair across from me.

I turned the movie off. “He went to get Carmen, remember?”

“Oh yeah… I thought that was tomorrow for some reason.”

I stared at him. “He was talking about it all during breakfast. Forget much?” I laughed. Then I thought about it. AJ knew perfectly well that Carmen was coming today. He was probably just trying to find a nonchalant way to bring it up and see what I’d say.

“Well, the days all kind of run together. Just be glad I remember to show up to all the concerts.”

“Uh-huh.”

“So,” he said, “wonder how Carmen’s doing?”

“I don’t know. You can ask her any time now,” I shrugged. “Probably fine.”

He decided to be more blunt. “You going to ask her about August?”

I sighed. “Why?”

“Because you haven’t talked to her since the party.”

Everyone knew the two of us had fought in the parking lot. But that’s all they knew. I hadn’t mentioned anything else, although this wasn’t my first time being quizzed on it. I supposed Nick had a pretty good idea, since Carmen would’ve told him. Apparently he’d kept his mouth shut concerning the others.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Didn’t she apologize?”

I nodded.

“And you won’t even think about trying to…”

“Is the bad boy of Backstreet turning into a romantic?” I raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly.

“I just don’t see why you don’t try.”

“AJ,” I smiled, “is there nothing else to talk about these days besides August and me?”

“She made you happy,” AJ said.

I thought about the words I’d read on her computer screen. The way she’d misled me.

“Did I look happy when I stormed out of their apartment?”

AJ shook his head. “Not then, but in general. You were happy. Don’t even try to deny it.”

“Well, I’m happy now, too,” I said, deciding this conversation had already gone further than I wanted it to. I didn’t want to dwell on the past. I was ready to move on. To get some sleep. To not think about her. If everyone would stop bringing her up, maybe I would be able to do that.

“No, you’re not,” AJ said.

“Um, that’s funny. A smile keeps appearing on my face. Call my crazy, but…” I trailed off, grabbing the remote and wondering whether I should turn the DVD player back on.

“That’s not the same as being happy. You think you can fool me? The five of us have been stuck together for years now!” he laughed.

I didn’t answer.

“Seriously, man. I’m supposed to be the one screwing up relationships.”

“I refuse to let my heart get broken again. That’s just being smart.”

“You act like this is some sort of preemptive strike.”

I balled up my fists. I wasn’t going to get upset. I wasn’t going to get pulled into this discussion on anything but my own terms. “You mean getting out before I made the same mistake as last time? I don’t understand what the problem is.”

“That’s the problem,” AJ answered. “You keep acting like you’re doing this so you won’t have to go through having your heart broken a second time, but it’s already happened. And you can’t hide it, as much as you’re trying.”

I shook my head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

There was only one way that- having my heartbroken- was possible…

“You love her, Rok,” AJ said matter-of-factly, “and somewhere in that thick head of yours, you know it.”

I was breathing harder now, mad at myself for reacting to his comments. “She lied to me. She was writing articles about me…”

“And you love her anyway,” he said.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By now, the pre-show routine had fallen into a good rhythm. We could get dressed and in our places rather quickly. Any kinks we’d had the first few nights live had long since resolved themselves.

Luckily, Kevin had come looking for AJ, which had forced our conversation to a close. I was trying to avoid him at the moment, though I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay mad at him. The fans would notice. A lot of our arguments within the group worked themselves out on stage. And we were too much like brothers to hold any sort of grudge for long, anyway. But I had a few more minutes to be angry, even if I was well aware that he hadn’t actually done anything wrong in the first place. I had become a pro at functioning on the little amount of sleep I was getting, at being able to clear my head despite everything I was feeling. But tonight, it was more difficult than usual.

And you love her anyway.

“Hey, guys! We came to wish you good luck!” I heard Diana tell Howie. “I can’t believe you guys found us front row.”

“We, I know someone in the band…” Nick joked, walking up to the two of them.

I turned around to get connected to the cables for the opening sequence. Carmen was standing there, on her way to say hi to Nick.

“Hey,” I managed.

She looked at me but didn’t answer.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“If you must know, I’m pissed off at you at the moment.”

“What’d I do?” I asked.

She crossed her arms, deciding whether or not to let me have it. The answer was yes. “August was offered a job at the paper she was interning at, which would’ve practically guaranteed her a job once she graduated. She’s been working towards that for years, but no! She had to turn it down because all she can think of is you. I can’t get her to see that you aren’t nearly as great as she, for some reason, thinks. So my best friend is at home throwing away her dreams for someone who doesn’t even care! I mean, what was it? Five minutes you were upset about your fight? Or did you decide she was worth ten? I know you have a lot of baggage from that other chick or… whatever. I don’t really care about any crap that’s in your past. If you honestly think that she would ever purposefully do anything to hurt you, or ever publish anything about you, then you are the absolute dumbest person on the entire planet. And…”

“Okay, Carmen, I think that about covers it,” Diana put a hand on her shoulder.

Nick and Howie were standing there with their mouths open.

“Let’s go find our seats,” Diana continued. “Er… good luck, guys! Have a great show!”

Luckily, we needed to start the show. There wasn’t time for anyone to say anything to me. For me to fully process what Carmen had hurled at me. The show started and I focused on the smiling faces in the crowd. I focused on my vocals. I waved and said my “hellos.”

We ended one song and the music started for the next. Nick began singing his verse. I noticed that he seemed to be singing to someone in particular. I followed his gaze and saw Carmen. Glancing back at Howie, I saw that he was staring at Diana. They were front row, standing and cheering with the rest of the fans. Looks of contentment were evident on their faces.

Without thinking, I looked to the seat next to Carmen, expecting to see August there. I only saw someone I didn’t recognize. August is supposed to be there. The thought struck me suddenly. My mind started swirling.

Although loneliness has always been a friend of my mine

I’m leaving my life in your hands

People say I’m crazy and that I am blind

Risking it all in a glance

But how you got me blind is still a mystery

I can’t get you out of my head

Don’t care what is written in your history

As long as you’re here with me

I thought about the first time I saw August. There was just something different about her from the start. She’d stood out to me. I hadn’t been looking for anyone, I hadn’t wanted to find anyone, but…

I realized just in time that it was my turn to sing.

Every little thing that you have said and done

Feels like its deep within me

Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run

As long as you’re here with me

I could remember the smallest, seemingly insignificant details. The first time August had laughed. The phone conversations. Her weaseling Natasha off of AJ’s couch. I smiled, putting my heart into the song.

I’ve tried to hide it so that no one knows

But I guess it shows

When you look into my eyes

What you did and where you’re coming from

I don’t care, as long as you love me, baby

Huh. The words circled around in my head. But you love her anyway.

I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did

As long as you love me

~*~August’s point of view~*~

The apartment felt weird without Carmen around. It had been empty for days now. I’d watched a lot of TV and all my favorite movies. I thought I’d be able to keep myself busy, but my to-do list had gotten finished more quickly than I’d planned. I bought all the textbooks for my classes (and wanted to get hit by a bus once I saw the total on the cash register screen). My laundry was done. Groceries bought. Apartment spotless.

At least she’d mostly been gone during the week. Not that I was currently employed- I’d be starting at the campus bookstore next week. But not having plans during the traditional workweek didn’t seem so bad. Now that it was Saturday, on the other hand, I felt more pathetic being at home by myself. I was lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling. The radio was on in the background.

I’d only talked to Carmen once since she left with Diana. I wanted to hear every detail of the tour and nothing about it at the same time. She was having a great time. She hadn’t mentioned Brian, at least not individually. It made me think of what she’d said. I guess it was still true: while I was here, thinking about him constantly, he had long since moved on with his life.

I really didn’t know what to do. There was no great epiphany like I’d been hoping for. I shut off the radio and went to sit on the balcony. I looked at the moon. The night reminded me of the one during which Brian and I had kissed for the first time. The air was the same. Cool, sweet.

I sat down, leaning back in the chair. I was going to have to start getting more sleep when classes started. I wasn’t going to be able to function otherwise. Breathing in the air brought back more memories. The way his eyes had shined. His smile. Closing my eyes, I smiled, too.

I don’t know how long I was asleep. I dreamt I was at the concert with Carmen, and we were close to the stage. Brian was up there with the rest of the Backstreet Boys, performing a ballad. I heard some tapping. Once he saw me, he started singing to me. Only to me. I started to forget there were thousands of fans around us. The drummer started tapping his drumsticks again, which was odd because there wasn’t any percussion in this song. I looked back to Brian, but the dream was fading away. I could only see mist. I struggled to stay asleep, wanting to see Brian again, but I knew that it was no use.

I opened my eyes…

And Brian was still there.

I sat up, straightening my hair and rubbing my eyes, sure I was still asleep. This had to be a dream within a dream.

“Hey,” he said.

I didn’t answer. Even to this dream Brian, I didn’t know what to say.

“Um… sorry to wake you. No one answered the door, so I used the key Carmen let me borrow.”

“I’m awake,” I stated. Then I realized that I had said it aloud. My face reddened.

He laughed. “Yeah.”

“What are you doing here?” I stood up to face him.

“I had a small break in the tour schedule. I thought I would come by and see how you’re doing,” he stuffed his hands in his pockets.” When I could only stare, he said, “So… how are you doing?”

I wanted to say that I was fine. That I’d been going to parties and hanging out with college guys and having the time of my life. Or at least tell him something believable, perhaps that I was having a great summer and didn’t need him around, like he didn’t seem to need me. But dishonesty was what had gotten me into this mess. Besides, I didn’t have anything to lose. Brian had never been mine to begin with.

“How am I? I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I don’t want to hang out with my friends or listen to music or read…” I rambled. “I’m pretty crappy, to tell you the truth.” I hated that my eyes were watering, that I was probably making the worst impression. What was he doing here?

“I haven’t slept a full night since I left, either,” Brian admitted.

“I…” I stopped talking long enough to process what he had just said. “What?”

“I’m miserable.”

I shook my head. I didn’t need any false hope. This was hard enough as it was. “What are you talking about? Carmen told me how great you’re doing. You’re singing great, performing great, the life of the tour.”

“Well Carmen’s wrong.”

“I thought you’d moved on, that you were happy. You deserve to be, Brian. I never meant…”

He put an arm on my shoulder. “I know.” Then, to my astonishment, he started singing softly. “I’ve tried to hide it so that no one knows, but I guess it shows, when you look into my eyes. What you did and where you’re coming from, I don’t care. As long as you love me, August.”

For the first time in a long time, my heart didn’t feel broken. “But I lied to you… and that article… I swear, I was never going to do anything with it…”

“August, you told me. I believe you. I was just… I wasn’t ready to fall in love with you.”

“Oh.” Wow. What had he just said?

“But ready or not, I am. And I don’t care who you are, or where you’re from, or what you did. As long as you love me,” he repeated.

I was skeptical to say the least. This was too good to be true. I thought of what he’d just sung and studied his face.

I could barely breathe. But, for once, in a good way. In his eyes, I saw exactly what he was telling me.

Love.

“You come up with that line all by yourself?” I laughed slightly, feeling like myself again for the first time in a long time.

“There’s that sense of humor I know and love. Because I do. August, I love you,” Brian said sincerely, his face close to mine, his eyes as blue as my memory.

“I love you, too,” I said.

“We’re about to perform in front of two point eight billion people…”

“Because that’s not an exaggeration,” I laughed.

Nick ignored me. “…and you guys are just piling it on. Brian, next time we pick girlfriends, we need to make sure that they aren’t best friends first. They are teaming up on us.”

“Hey, I saw her first,” Brian put his arms around me from behind and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. “You find someone else.”

“Wait a minute. You two are best friends,” Carmen retorted.

“But that’s different.”

“How?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Well,” Nick stammered, “because we’re boys.”

“Backstreet Boys,” Brian corrected him.

“Nick, that is so sexist!” I said. “What does that have to do with…”

Nick raised a finger. “There you go, piling it on again! You know, there are tons of people waiting for the show who would love to be talking to the two of us right now. I think you’re both unappreciative.”

“Well how about I go find you a Nick fan to replace me?” Carmen shot back. “I’m sure the tabloids would love it if you got yourself a twelve year old girlfriend.”

“Not all the fans are twelve,” Nick defended.

“No, just all of your fans.”

“Oooh,” Brian was enjoying himself.

“Aw, that hurts,” Nick pretended to pout, pulling her closer.

“Get off me,” she said, but not seriously. They turned towards each other and she adjusted his mic.

“You ready to go?” I asked Brian. His hands were still on my waist, and I put mine over his.

“That depends. You got your ticket?”

I nodded. Front row. This would be my first Into the Millennium concert, aside from the run through. I was beyond excited. When we’d reconciled, he had had to fly out again the next day. Then we had to wait a few weeks, as I started classes again and my new job, before I could see him. I was glad to finally be back in his arms again. Although the last few weeks hadn’t been too bad, since he called almost daily. This long-distance wouldn’t be easy, but we could make it work.

I turned around and Brian leaned in slowly, his blue eyes gazing into mine. As soon as he kissed me, I heard AJ approach.

“Man, you guys need to get a room,” he laughed.

“Can we help you?” Brian asked.

“Nah, Rok. I’m just getting ready to go perform. What about you?”

“I’m warming up,” Brian laughed.

AJ laughed, too, and went to join Kevin and Howie.

“I better let you go, so you can have time to make it to the merchandise table and then your seat.”

“Merchandise?”

“You know you want a t-shirt,” Brian teased me.

I shook my head. “I’ve already been there. I wanted this.” I reached into my bag and held up a paper-sized picture of Brian, dressed in white with blue in the background. It was from the Millennium cover photoshoot.

Brian cracked up, taking it from me. “A picture, huh?”

“Yeah, I thought he was cute.”

“You know, August, I may be able to get this signed for you.”

“Really?”

“He looks kind of familiar. I’ll see what I can do,” he grinned.

I knew I would never tire of seeing him smile. Especially when it was aimed at me.

“I wish we had longer,” he said.

This was just a long weekend for Carmen and I. “Me, too. But I gotta work.”

Brian’s face lit up. He was obviously remembering something. ‘

I tried to read his expression, but, as usual, I found no answers. I gave him a questioning look and waited.

“I think you should talk to the paper you were working at this summer. You really liked it there. And they were just starting to realize how talented you are.”

“Um… I think that ship has sailed,” I said. “They aren’t going to take me back. I was… a little distracted my last few weeks there.”

“I don’t think that’s anything an interview with a pop star couldn’t cure. And we’re in luck! You happen to have one as a boyfriend.”

I stared at him, surprised. Was this some kind of trap? “I can’t write about you.”

“Sure you can. You just take some paper, and write some letters. Those letters will form words…”

“You know what I mean!”

Brian kept his comical expression, but his voice turned more serious. “You’ll have an in-depth exclusive for the hottest tour in the world right now,” he said. “If I do say so myself,” Brian joked, not wanting to sound smug about it. He was simply stating a fact.

I had to admit, the paper would love to have an interview with the Brian Littrell. It would be an easy article to write, too, when the subject matter was so important to me.

Still, I shook my head. “It’s not worth it. I don’t want…”

“August,” he held my face in his hands. “I want you to.” He sounded sincere. “You have my full permission. And I will jot you down in my busy schedule for right after this concert. Be thinking of some intriguing questions, Ms. Journalist.”

“Are you positive?”

“Who am I to stand between you and your dream? Especially if there’s something I can do to help. Whatever you want, you’ve got it,” Brian said. “After all, you’re here supporting my dream.”

“You are without a doubt the best boyfriend in the world,” I said.

“You just wanted an excuse to say boyfriend.”

“Darn right,” I said, giving him another kiss. “Now get out there and be the Backstreet Boy I know and love.”

“No,” he shook his head, smiling. “Just the Brian you know and love. And I love you, too, August.”

My heart sighed happily. “Alright, well get out there Brian.” My Brian, I thought. I liked the sound of that.

Brian exploded with energy, prepping himself for the show. “I may run and hide when you’re screaming my name, alright?” he spoke the lyrics, taking his position with the other guys.

I stood next to Carmen as they prepared to get raised up.

“You better get hooked in,” I laughed at him, “or you’ll be the one falling while they’re flying…”

“I’ll be the one,” he sang, “to hold you, and make sure that you’ll be alright.”

Shaking my head, the others guys laughed at him. “Seriously, Brian,” I wanted to make sure he was harnessed correctly. “I don’t care—" I should’ve seen what was coming.

“Who you are, where you’re from, what you did,” Brian sang, blowing me a kiss as the five of them started lifting into the air.

The Backstreet Boys put their arms around each other. They joined Brian and harmonized, “As long as you love me.”

Carmen and I hurried to our seats. He’s impossible, I thought, still laughing.

But I could get used to this.