"Madi, are you okay?" Evan asked through the door.

"No, go away." I called back.

"Not working, open the door." He called back through the door.

I cursed as I stood from my desk. I knew he wouldn't leave until I opened the door. I stared up at him once I opened the door and I saw the concern flash through his grey eyes. "Darlin, what is going on?" I wanted to yell at him for trying to sound southern. He was as gay as the day is long, and the southern accent wasn't needed and it didn't help him at all.

"Nothing," I lied and turned on my heel before he could see it in my face.

"You're good but you aren't that good. Now tell me what is wrong." He said entering my office closing the door behind him. I watched as he settled in the easy chair across from my desk chair. When he had crossed his legs and straightened his pants he looked up at me.

"I told you I'm fine." He sighed and I groaned. "I'm single."

He gasped, "Oh Lord, what happened?" I looked away from Evan the tears stinging the back of my eyes. "Madison, what happened?"

I looked back at him and I saw pity, the one thing I didn't want to see. "He doesn't 'trust' me." I said making the motion for quotation marks.

"Why not?" His voice rose just like mine had.

"Because I won't drop everything that I'm doing here and follow him around like a lost puppy. Hell I don't know. We have fought all night, and I just left."

"So, you aren't actually single, you are assuming you are single." Evan asked.

"How can I not be? I just left, you know I don't do that. It was easier than staying there and seeing him there." I said and sighed. I blinked to clear my eyes and two tears left my eyes. I sniffled and wiped my eyes.

"Honey, you have to give him time."

"Why do I have to give him time?!" I asked looking at Evan.

"Well he's used to being in control, I'm sure he's never had a girl like you before."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked looking at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Don't you give me that look. He's never had someone who is as career driven as you are. You're as bad as he is, if not worse." Evan said with a coy smile.

"Good cover." I said with a smile.

"I thought so. Give him time darling, it will all work out."

"Not if I don't want it to." I said.

"You don't mean that."

"Like hell I don't."

"Okay Madi, whatever you say." He said and stood. "You know you don't." He looked over his shoulder as he stopped at the door.

"Whatever Evan."

I groaned loudly as I dropped the box I was holding on the floor and
feel back into the couch. "Thank you so much Ev. I don't know what I'd do
without you." I said as I looked at him across the room.

"You're more than welcome." He said as he took a drink of his bottled
water. We both looked up as Evan's boyfriend walked in. I took in his form,
and I smiled. "Keep your eyes off of him. He's all mine." Evan said grinning
from ear to ear.

"You know what they say," I said with a grin, "All the good ones are
taken, or gay."

"Thank god!" Evan said as Bruce leaned down and gave him a kiss.
Bruce was 6'3", and built like a Greek god.

I shook my head. "Any chance you will ever go straight Bruce?" I said
with a grin.

"No offense but I don't like innies." He said with a flash of white teeth
as he grinned.

"Oh well. Can't blame me for trying." I laughed as Evan snorted. "Don't
worry I'll keep my hands off of him. My eyes are a different story." I winked at
Evan and he stuck his tongue out at me. "No, thank you both so much. I'd
never get all this done before I have to start to work if it wasn't for you." I had
been offered a job University of Kentucky, teaching Ancient History, the
money alone would have been enough to make me move across the country.
The opportunity to teach what I loved more than anything, was a dream come
true.

"Well as much as we would love to stay here, we have to get back."

"Oh I know. Thank you so much. Please be careful getting to the
airport." I said as I stood from the couch.

"You are more than welcome. And we will be." Evan said as he walked
toward me.

I looked up at him and felt my eyes dampen. "I'm going to miss you so
much."

Evan's bottom lip quivered slightly and he held it between his teeth
and smiled down at me. "I'm going to miss you too. Are you sure I can't talk
you into coming back with us?"

I shook my head and the tears began, "I love you so much. Thank you
for always being there for me."

"I will always be here for you. If you get an opening for a slightly
uptight, gay secretary you better call me!"

"You will be the first person I call."

"You better, take care of yourself okay?" Evan placed his hands on my
shoulders and looked down at me.

"Always." I squeezed his hand that rested on my right shoulder.

"You can't live on smokes and coffee." He said and pulled me to him. I
wrapped my arms around his waist as the tears came out forcefully.

"I can try." I said as I pulled away from him. "I'll take care of myself." I
looked up at Bruce, "Watch out for him, please."

"Always," Bruce said looking at Evan so lovingly, that my own heart
ached with longing.

"Okay thank you again. Go before I lock you two in here and make you
stay with me."

"Okay, bye darling!" Evan said as he took Bruce's offered hand.

I watched them as they walked back to their rented car and waved as
they pulled out of my driveway. I closed the door and leaned against it looking
around at my cluttered house that suddenly felt completely empty. I noticed a
box in the study door way, I don't know what I had even kept all of it. Yeah I
did, Evan told me I would want it. I pulled the box toward me and bit my lip as
I read the side, "Alex". I opened the box and could still smell his cologne in the
box. It had been almost six months since the night we fought. They had left
that day to go on a world tour, I hadn't kept up with them. I didn't want to
know that he was happy with some groupie of the day. I wanted to believe
that he was just as unhappy as I was. I snorted, yeah right. When you looked
like Aj, you didn't stay lonely for long. I shook my head and shoved the box
across the room watching it slide easily on the hardwood floor. I stood and
made my way into the study. I had to go to work in the morning, and I needed
to get things ready to go. Before long I was happily knee deep in books, and
lecture notes.

"YES!" I screamed as the whole arena erupted. Kentucky had scored
the winning point with just a second left to go. I grinned widely as I turned to
Elizabeth.

"Oh my god!" She said as she smiled at me. "This is insane!" She yelled
over the roar of the crowd. I nodded and turned my attention back to
celebration going on the court.

"I didn't even think I liked basketball." Elizabeth said as we sat at a
small cafe off campus a few hours later.

"BETH! How can you not like basketball? It's a riot."

"I didn't come from a family that watched sports." I looked at her as
she said this and I had no trouble seeing it. She was small, not short but small.
Dainty is the word I would use. Her nails always looked freshly painted, she
always looked complete. Like she had everything in place. I couldn't have
pulled it off if I had been paid to, so I admired her for it.

"What DID you do then?" I asked grinning at her.

"Dance. I took dance until I was 25. Shattered my knee, can't come
back from that."

"Ouch, damn."

"Exactly." She said with a smirk. "So how are you liking UK?"

"I'm loving it. I've always loved the school, it just wonderful that I get
to teach here." I knew I had a goofy smile on my face and I didn't care. I had
finally begun to feel at home in the last month and I was happy. Not content
but happy. I didn't know if content was something that I would ever feel
again. It's like the first time is always the best, and once you have it and loose
it, it's never the same again.

"But?" Beth looked at me, waiting for me to answer.

"What do you mean?"

" I heard a but in there. So fess up."

"Nothing," I saw her face and continued on, "Really it's nothing. I'm
loving it here."

"Yes, but there is more. Whatever." She flittered her hand as if to push
away the subject, but as her eyes settled on me again I would have rather
have that other conversation, "Why aren't you dating?"

"What?" I had heard her, I just didn't want to answer that loaded
question.

"Why aren't you dating? John has been following you around like a lost
puppy, and he's very attractive." She said tilting her head to the side as if she
could figure out what would going on in my head if she looked at me in a
different angle.

"Yeah it's nice, if you like the tall and blonde."

"You don't?"

"I didn't say that." My mind flipping to the only blonde that I had
thought was attractive. John was no Nick Carter. "I just like the dark and
handsome." I said and shrugged.

"There's someone else isn't there." She said with a gasp. "What have
you been holding out on!"

"There isn't anyone." I lied. Blatant boldface lie.

"You are a horrible liar. Are you seeing someone, seriously?"

"No, I just need time."

"Oh." She said almost sadly.

"What? What Oh?"

"You are still hurting from a past relationship."

I couldn't look in her face, I heard the pity, I didn't need to see it too. I
stared out the window, not seeing anything except my memories. His face as
he grinned, the way his eyes would light up when he laughed, the dimple in
his cheek that you couldn't notice until he shaved. I shook my head and bit my
lip to keep the tears at bay.

"Oh, Madison. I didn't know. I'm so sorry." Beth said as she reached
across the table taking my hand in hers.

"Am I that obvious?" I said not looking at her.

"To everyone else no, to someone who has been hurt, yes."

I smiled up at her sadly. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's my fault. I didn't know, I won't bring it up again. But if you
need someone to talk to. I will always be here okay?"

"Thank you, but I'm fine." She nodded, as if she didn't believe me, "I'm
fine I promise."

"I'll let it go, but not for long." She said as she took a sip of her coffee.

I groaned as he bit my nipple gently. He groaned as I ran my
nails up his back as he made his way down my body. My back arched
and I heard him chuckle as he slipped his tongue into my folds finding
my nub. I groaned loudly as he lapped and suckled on my body making
me call his name. Just as I felt my body tighten he stopped and slid into
my body. My body shook under his as my orgasm tore through my body.
I opened my eyes and looked into his, expecting to see his eyes dark
with lust, but all I saw was the sadness that I had seen in his eyes the
last time I saw him.

I gasped as I woke from my dream his eyes still dancing in my
mind. I was breathing fast, my bed rumpled, and my body aching for
release. "This has got to stop." I said as I slid my legs over the side of my
bed. I felt the last of my drowsiness leave my mind as my feet hit the
cold wood floors. Winter had officially hit Kentucky and it was colder
than hell. I laughed, could hell be cold? I shook my head at my rambling
thoughts and headed out of the bedroom. I smelt coffee and I made my
way to the kitchen. I was so proud I had set the timer on the coffee
maker last night. I was going to need something to push that man from
my thoughts. I sighed as I sipped my coffee as I made my way back to
my bedroom. It was snowing like a freaking blizzard outside but I had a
huge presentation tonight and I needed to get everything ready to go.
Unfortunately I had to be at the University at 10, so I would have to
make time to get ready for the fund-raiser tonight.

I grimaced as I opened the front door a little over an hour later.
It was biting cold. I finally understood what they meant when they said
it was biting cold. I wish I didn't understand it. I pulled the door to
behind me and made my way to my car.

"Oh my god." I said under my breath as I entered the history
department.

"Cold enough for you?" John asked as I passed his office.

"Nah," I said with a short bark of laughter.

"That's what I thought." John said. He had asked me out, I had
turned him down and he was attempting to keep it civil between us. I
had to give him credit. I wouldn't have talked to him again probably if it
had been left up to me. He said he didn't understand why I 'couldn't' go
out with him. It seemed a little far fetched to tell him the truth, 'Well
John, I'm in love with Aj McLean, from the Backstreet Boys.' Yeah I
didn't think it would fly so I just said I couldn't.

I sighed as I took my jacket off. I let the heat from the radiator
roll over me and I felt myself relax. I looked up as Beth came to my
office door. "You ready for tonight?"

"Hell no." I said with a laugh and nodded.

"That's what I figured." She said entering my office and sitting
down in the chair in front of my desk.

"How long is your speech?" I asked as I pulled folders for my
upcoming classes out onto my desk.

"Not very long, about 5 to 7 minutes."

"Okay, good. Mine is about 6, so I'm good." I said with a sigh.

"I still don't understand why all of us have to give a speech. Why
can't the head do it?"

"I don't know," I sighed, I had voiced the same opinion not too
long ago, "I mean it's not like each section is asking for something
different."

"Exactly." Beth shrugged, "Oh well, time to teach the youth of
America." She said and stood.

"Yeah you go do that." I said with a laugh as I pulled out the
material I would need for my own class. I stood and followed her out of
the room. "See you in a few hours."

"Have fun." She said as she headed toward the stairs. She hated
her Russian history class, can't say that I blamed her. I on the other
hand was heading to my Medieval history class and I couldn't be
happier.

My stomach was doing flip flops as I stood behind stage,
listening to Beth's presentation. She was good, I thought to myself as I
sighed. Dammit, I didn't think mine was that good. I sighed again willing
my body to relax, I lectured in front of hundreds of people everyday.
Yeah, teenagers mostly, my mind reminded me. I looked through the
curtain and could see a least 100 people sitting in their 'Sunday Best'.
Dammit, I was nervous. I was so nervous that when my phone rang in
the pocket of my dress slacks I jumped a foot. I smiled as I saw Evan's
number flash on the caller id.

"Hey you!" His happy voice flowed through to me.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm just peachy as I can be. But I wanted to call you and wish
you good luck."

I smiled, "Thank you."

"You're more than welcome, and don't you worry you will be
wonderful"

"How did you know I was nervous?"

"Darlin, I have known you for years, I know you better than I
know the back of my own hand." He said and I could just see him
holding up his hand looking at it.

I laughed, "Thank you. I needed to hear someone tell me that."

"Well of course. Now, go knock em dead. Well not dead, you
want them alive so they will give you money. Lots and lots of money." I
couldn't help but laugh. He sounded just like Anya from Buffy. "Yeah,
now there we go. I wanted to hear you laugh. Now good luck. Call me,
okay?"

"Okay I will. Thank you Ev."

"You're welcome. Bye"

"Bye." I smiled as I hit end and looked up as Beth came back
through the curtain.

"Good luck" She said as she passed me. I nodded and waited for
the President of the University to call my name.

"And now, I'm pleased to present our one and only Medieval
Historian, Dr. Madison Montgomery."

"Thank you President Todd." I said as I took my place at the
podium. I began my presentation, flipping through the PowerPoint that
I had created, trying my best to keep my voice from shaking and trying
even harder not to see all the people in the audience.

"So in conclusion, most professionals agree that the best way to
learn something is to do so through hands on learning. With history it
can be difficult to do so. With American history is can be a bit more
simple by going on field trips to tribal grounds or to museums. With
Medieval History, I don't have that option as it stands right now. That's
why I'm here tonight to ask for your help in funding trips to Europe so
that the students of the University of Kentucky can see first hand what
it means to really study Medieval History. Thank you all very much for
your consideration."

I stepped behind the curtain and finally took a deep breath.

"Wow, that was really good." Beth said walking toward me.

"Yeah right, it was horrible."

"Shut up, I'm jealous. That was great"

"You're serious aren't you?" I looked at her.

"Yes, that was great. Dr. Todd even said so while he was back
here." Beth said with a huge grin on her face.

"Oh wow." I stared at her shocked.

"Montgomery, good job out there. Some of the guests want to
talk to you." President Todd said placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, okay." I knew I went pale, I could feel the color drain from
my face.

"It will be okay, they may ask you what you teach, nothing major.
You did great." He said and left. I looked back at Beth and smiled.

"Told you. Come on lets get this over with. I'm itching for a
drink." Beth said and pulled me toward the stage door.

I sighed as I sat down in my office almost an hour later. I looked
up as Beth stepped into my darkened office.

"Well that was an eventful night." Beth said sitting down.

"I am so tired, you have no idea."

"Why are you so tired?"

"I can't get any peaceful sleep." I said leaning my head back
trying to stretch the sore muscles.

"Why not?"

"Dreams."

"Oh, I hope they are hot and nasty."

"Oh if you only knew." I said with a groan.

"Oh do tell."

"Not a chance in hell." I said looking at her.

"Oh, so there about the mystery man."

"He's not a mystery. I know exactly who he is."

"Yeah, that's the point. You know and I've known you over a year
and I know absolutely nothing about him." Beth said sounding a little
disturbed.

"Beth, he is an ex. There isn't anything to tell." I said sighing.

"Oh but I do believe there is something to tell." I heard an all too
familiar voice comment from the door.

"Well hello." Beth said standing staring at the man in my door
way.

I slowly turned my head to see if the voice actually belonged to
the man I thought it did. My heart stopped as I saw him, it was him.

"What are you doing here?" I said feeling my ire rise.

"Hello to you too Madison." He smiled down at Beth and I could
swear I heard her groan. I rolled my eyes, I'd see it all too many times.
"And who might you be?" He asked and took her offered hand in his and
kissed the back of her hand.

"Elizabeth, or Beth." She said. I'd never seen her flustered, but
then again she'd never been standing in front of Kevin when he was
being lascivious.

"Hello, Beth I'm Kevin." He spoke staring at her. I wanted to
throw something at him.

"Beth, if you would please wait for me in your office I will meet
you there soon." I said to her not looking at her. I groaned inwardly as
she gave me a dark look.

"Good bye Kevin. It was a pleasure to meet you." She said with a
small smile.

"The pleasure was mine entirely." He said as she pulled the door
together behind her.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" I asked as I flipped the
desk lap on. It was far too uncomfortable in a room with Kevin, let
alone a darkened one.

"I thought you had asked me that question once already?" He
replied and sat down in the easy chair across from me as if he belonged
there. I had always hated that about him. He was comfortable
anywhere.

"You didn't answer the question, so I had to ask again."

"I am a member on the Board of Trustees." He said folding his
hands across his chest as he leaned back in his chair.

I shook my head, how could I forget that he actually lived in
Kentucky. God how stupid was I?! I turned toward the window as I
berated myself.

"Madison," Kevin's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Yes Kevin?" I asked not turning from my spot staring out of the
window, my back to him.

"Alex doesn't know you're here does he?" The tone in his voice
made me look at him.

"No." I replied simply looking over my shoulder at him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I left." I turned back and watched as the snow fell
silently.

"Madison, I meant what happened between you two. He loves
you. You know that right?"

"If he loved me so much," I said as I turned to face him, "then
why haven't heard anything from him in over a year." I crossed my
arms. Chew on that for a while Mr. Richardson, I thought to myself.

"He's been busy."

"Well so have I." I said sarcastically.

"I can tell," He said looking around my office.

"Kevin, I know you didn't come here to see how I was doing. So
what do you want?" I asked suddenly tired.

"I couldn't go home without telling you that Aj loves you." He
said sighing.

"Okay so you left the group be the messenger?"

"No, he doesn't know where you are."

"And he better not find out from you." I stared at him until he
looked up at me.

"I can't not tell him."

"Like hell you can't. He hasn't called one time in over a year,
Kevin. He doesn't care."

"But you do."

I fought the urge to cringe. "No I don't."

He laughed at me, "You know one of the reasons I liked you so
much was because you could never lie. Not even about little things. So
you really think I believe that you don't still love him?"

"It doesn't matter what I feel Kevin. If he cared he would have
called before I left California."

"You never know." Kevin said cryptically, as he stood from his
chair.

"Kevin, are you going to tell him where I am?"

"I won't lie to him."

"Kevin, please. Don't do this."

He stopped at the door, and looked over his shoulder, "I won't lie
to my brother for anyone." He opened the door, "Goodbye Madison."

I sat down heavily in my desk chair as I heard the door close. I
wanted to scream, cuss and throw things. All I ended up doing was
crying.

When Beth came back to my office my head was splitting in half,
and my eyes were raw.

"Mad! What is wrong?!" She exclaimed as she crossed to room to
wrap her arms around me. "Who was that man?"

I pulled back and looked at her, "You don't know?"

"Should I?" She looked down at me like I had grown another
head.

"He is Kevin Richardson." I could see her mind working trying to
figure out where she had heard the name.

"Oh, he's on the Board."

"Yeah," I said and sighed. I wasn't about to fill her in on his past
career. "Beth, I don't think I'm up to going out tonight."

"I understand, well I don't understand. But I can tell you don't.
You want me to drive you home?"

"Would you?"

"Yes, come on get your things. It's snowing like crazy outside."

"I know." I said as I stood I wrapped myself inside my coat and
picked up my purse and I flipped off the light on my desk. I didn't care
about the test that needed to graded, I didn't care about much at all
right now.

I had to give Beth credit, she didn't mention Kevin, or the odd
events of the night until I was comfortably ensconced in my oversized
couch in my pajamas.

"Madi, I hate to bring it up, but I have to know. What happened
tonight?" Beth asked me quietly.

I didn't look at her at first, I took a sip of wine and stared out the
picture window beside me. "He is one of my ex's best friends." I said
quietly. I didn't think she had heard me until I looked at her. I laughed
lightly as she stared at me.

"I'm proud I'm friends with you. You know beautiful people." She
said with a wicked grin and I shook my head. "I'm guessing that you
didn't except him to be there tonight."

"That's an understatement."

"Does your ex know where you are?" She asked her eyes going
wide, and I shook my head. "Oh no. Madison, he didn't hurt you did he? I
mean is that why you left him because he hit you?"

"No!" I couldn't imagine Alex raising a hand to any woman, "No,
he never, he would never do anything like that."

"Okay, good. What is his name?"

"Who my ex?" I asked and she nodded, "Alex."

"Alex is short for Alexander right?" I nodded. "Why did you leave
him?"

I sighed again, I didn't know how to tell her the whole truth
without telling her everything. I didn't want to have to explain the hows
and whys. "He wanted me to stop work so that I could spend more time
with him."

"Okay I'm confused, that's bad how?" She asked and palmed her
wine glass.

"I didn't want to stop everything I had worked so hard to get to
end up with nothing to show for it. It's a long and convoluted story. One
that I have no intention of going into tonight."

"Okay, just one more question." She paused until I looked at her,
"Why did you leave him if you still love him?"

I stared at her dumbfounded. "Am I that obvious?"

"The look on your face when you saw Kevin standing there
tonight kinda clinched it." She said with a shrug.

"I felt like he needed more than I could give him."

"And yet, you loved him so much?"

"More than he will ever know." I said my voice cracking. I stood
trying to run from the tears.

"I'm sorry Mad."

"I am too." And I was. I missed Alex so much sometimes that my
whole body ached for him. It was the farthest thing from a sexual need. I
missed smelling his cologne in the morning before he went to the
studio. I missed hearing his bawdy singing in the shower. I sniffled, the
worst of it was I missed his snoring. I lost the fight against my tears as
Beth wrapped her arms around me. I sobbed, my body shaking with the
force of my emotions as we stood there.

I laughed weakly sometime later when I realized that Beth was
crying with me. I pulled back and looked at her. "Thank you."

"That's what friends are here for." She said with a smile. She
dried the tears on my face with a tissue and looked at me. She suddenly
looked so much older than her 29 years, "I promise you everything will
work out. Okay? If it's meant to be it will work out better than you could
ever imagine." I nodded and sniffled. She looked out the window and
sighed. "Looks like I'm stuck here tonight." I followed her gaze and
realized that it had snowed at least 2 feet since we had gotten home.

"Yeah, I'll get the guest room ready."

I groaned as I looked at the alarm clock. It was Saturday, and I
was awake before 8. I didn't like it one little bit. I rolled over pulling the
cover over my head, attempting to get back to sleep when the doorbell
rang. I cursed under my breath as I slipped out of the bed and my feet
hit the cold wood floors.

"You better have a damn good reason to be ringing my door bell
at 8 in the morning." I said to the person ringing my door bell as I
wrapped my robe around my shoulder. "Yes?" I said as I opened my
front door.

"Good morning." I scowled at Kevin as he stood there with a
smile on his face.

"What's so good about it?"

"It would be better if you invited me in, since it's well below
freezing out here."

"Fine," I moved out of the doorway and let him enter. "What are
you doing here? Before 8 o'clock no less."

"You are asking that question a lot here lately." he said with a
smile. He was down right annoying sometimes.

"Well if you wouldn't just show up at weird times I might not
have to ask you as much." I said sarcastically.

"Fair enough. But I didn't know your number or I would have
called. I did bring a peace offering for last night." He held out a bag from
Big Apple Bakery, the best bagel shop in the world, and two coffees.

I took the bag and opened it seeing that he had actually
remembered my favorite. I took out one of the cinnamon bagels and
stared at him, "You're up to something."

"Probably." He said as he sat down at the kitchen table.

I pulled out the chair at the end of the table, sat down and stared
at him carefully, as if he was a dangerous animal. He could be dangerous
if you didn't know him. "What do you want?" I took one of the coffees
and took a sip. I tried to hide my sigh of pleasure but he heard me and
smiled at me.

"I want you to tell J where you are."

I nearly choked on my coffee. "No." I said and coughed loudly.

"You have to tell him Madison. Do you realize that he hasn't been
with another woman since you left him."

"I find that highly unlikely. We all know how Alex is."

"Yes, we do. But he wants to be with you."

"Then why didn't he call me? I was in California for six months
before I left."

"I don't know why he hasn't called," Kevin shrugged. "I can't read
his mind, but I do know what he tells the guys."

"Kevin, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but Alex wanted
something from me that I wasn't ready to give. I'm sorry."

"What did he want?" Kevin asked looking at me.

"He wanted me to quit teaching and go on tour with him."

"You couldn't take one this one time?"

"I had just signed a 6 month extension on my contract with the
school I at USC. So no, at that time I couldn't."

"Did you explain that to him?"

"Yes, well I think I did. I don't know that was over a year ago. I
don't remember." I said with a sigh. I'm sure I had.

"I don't think you did."

"What difference does it make? We are over."

"Are you so sure about that?" Kevin stared at me as if trying to
pick my brain.

"What are you not telling me. Kevin you told him where I am
didn't you?!"

"No, I haven't told him anything." Kevin said with a small smile.

"Oh god, I know that grin. You told someone. You told Nick didn't
you!" I groaned. Nick couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it. It
wasn't like he tried to spread your secrets, they just seemed to leap
from his lips. I stared at Kevin. "Kevin! Why?"

"Because I know you still love him and I know he still loves you."

"How do you know? Have you been on tour with him everyday?
No you haven't. So tell me Sherlock how do you know!" I was furious. I
wasn't content in my little life but I had days of happiness. Now I would
be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wonderful. Just fucking
wonderful.

"I don't have to be on tour with him to know he misses you. I
hear it in his voice when I talk to him. If you would talk to him you
would hear it too." He said his voice calm and I knew he was getting
angry. I didn't like angry Kevin, I never had.

"Don't you dare get mad at me! I haven't done anything wrong." I
said staring at him almost daring him to push me until I was pissed. I
figured pissed hurt a lot less than heartache.

"You didn't do anything wrong? How is walking out on the man
you say you love not doing something wrong?" He glared back at me
and his eyes turned to a steely grey color.

"I couldn't give him what he wanted!"

"So you leave?!" His voice had rose slightly, "Why not just tell
him you couldn't go but still be in his life? Ever thought of that one
Madison?!"

"Fuck you Kevin! You don't know what it's like to not be able to
give someone you love what they want!"

"Madison I know all too well. Why do you think I left the group?!
Do you think I was ready?! Newsflash to you, Kristin wanted children."
He roared and stood from the table.

I cringed and stared at him. I hadn't realized he wasn't ready to
leave the group. "I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"Too late. I told you I wouldn't tell Alex, and I didn't. Nick asked
and I told him. I told you I wouldn't lie to them and I won't. You might
get a thrill out of ruining someone's life, but I don't."

His words cut me and stared at him. "Get out of my house." I said
quietly. He stared down at me, "I love Alex more than you will ever
know and if you can't see that then you are a stupid idiot. I let him go so
he would have the chance to find someone who could give him what he
needed. If that is ruining someone's life then so be it. Now get the hell
out of my house." I had been wrong about being pissed, it hurt almost as
much as being heartbroken. I lowered my head and bit my lip until I
heard the front door close. The resounding click seemed to set
something off in me and I began crying again. I lowered my head to the
cool wood of the table and sobbed. How did everything go so wrong in
just a few days, I asked myself.