It wasn’t supposed to have happened. I was supposed to have one of those lives where I married the love of my life and we bought that little colonial on the corner with the white picket fence and big back yard. Two, maybe three, children should have been underfoot with lazy, Sunday morning brunches and summer vacation car trips to Florida. But things don’t work out the way you want them to and that rainy Friday had plans of its own. Plans that consisted of wet, slick roads, a big rig whose driver took the curve a little too fast and went into a skid, his trailer jack-knifing, and the oncoming car with no way out. It was a fiery scene; the authorities had said death was quick, on impact even. So the only suffering was with those that had been left behind.

That’s the night I learned that when you’re sitting atop the world, you will fall off. Hugh Weston had only been 25. We had been married for two years; just celebrated our second wedding anniversary in a little bed and breakfast up in Vermont. He was a sports writer and had been traveling home from New York City. The weather forecast predicted clear and sunny, but everyone knows how quickly things can change. Weather is unpredictable and the sudden onslaught of the storm hadn’t alarmed anyone.

I got the call after midnight. Hugh had been expected home by ten. When he hadn’t arrived, I wasn’t too alarmed. He was the type to get caught up in something and not realize that an hour, or even two, had passed and he may want to give a phone call so people didn’t worry. That’s who I had thought it had been when the house phone rang, causing our over affectionate chocolate lab, Daisy, to lift her head from her comfortable spot before the fireplace. I had been curled up under a quilt, reading by firelight and answered the phone on the second ring. But it wasn’t my husband’s rich voice that greeted me, instead it was a man who introduced himself as Officer Sterling and he proceeded to inform me that he was having a car sent to pick me up. There had been an accident and they were going to take me to the hospital.

Nothing was ever the same after I found out about Hugh’s death. I tried to carry on like usual but just couldn’t. The house, the town, even my job had too many memories. I needed a change; I had to get away and start fresh, try to get myself back to normal, or at least be able to pretend I was. So I packed my things, said goodbye to my friends and family, loaded Daisy into the SUV and drove. And I didn’t stop until I reached California.

~*~*~*~*~

“I’m setting you up on a date.”

I blinked over the cup of Earl Gray tea in my hand. “Say what?”

“A date. I’m setting you up on a date.”

“Wh… why?” My pristine blue eyes focused more clearly on the woman that sat across from me. Dianna Torres. One of the first people I had met since relocating. We were neighbors and had quickly become friends.

“Because, in the year and a half that you’ve been out here, you have yet to go on one.” She took a sip of her own beverage, her brows raised at me.

I gave a little sigh. “I… I know. But Dianna… you know that…”

She didn’t let me finish. “Morgan, you are 26 years old, not 60. You still have lots of living left.”

I felt a frown crease my forehead. “Dianna..”

“No,” she held up a hand and cut me off. “I understand that you went through a lot, and I know that it takes time. But honey, you have to at least get your feet wet.” Her slender hands set her mug back onto the table. “I’m not asking for a commitment… just one date.”

I chewed my bottom lip and watched her. I know she only meant the best for me, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for a date. Hugh had been everything to me and I still had that empty void inside.

“Getting your life back on track and seeing other men isn’t going to make you forget about Hugh.” She must have been reading my mind. “He’s always going to have a place inside of you, no matter who you meet or how happy you are.”

“I … know.” I could feel the lump rising in my throat. “It’s just… hard.”

“I know it is.” She reached across the table and touched my hand, her coffee colored eyes full of sympathy. “But you moved out here to start afresh, right? And hiding away and not continuing your life is not doing that. You might as well have just stayed in Connecticut.”

I set my own mug down, bringing my hand up and rubbing the back of my neck with it. “You’re right.”

A playful little smile graced her full lips, revealing pearly white teeth. “Of course I am. And it’s just one date. You never even have to see the guy again after.” She paused a moment and grew somber again. “But you have to start somewhere.”

“Okay.” The words were but a mere whisper.

She gave my hand a friendly squeeze. “And don’t worry; he’ll be a great guy. I’ll make sure of it.”

I wasn’t worried about that. Dianna Torres was one of the best judges of character that I had ever met. She seemed to have this way of reading people, peering into your soul and exposing it to her, and instead of feeling violated, it left you wanting to open up completely to this woman. She was vivacious and full of life, lived off the beaten path and those who came in contact with her immediately fell in love. One of the few genuine people left in this world, her husband described her as. She could be pushy and over bearing but with her quirky personality and vigor of life, it never came across that way. Instead, she only seemed like the type that wanted everyone as happy as she was.

She was young, only 35, but had the wisdom and maturity of someone well into their fifties. She and her husband, Manuel Torres, lived next door in a two story Mediterranean, with a fountain in the front and an amazing view of the ocean out the back. He was a contractor and she an illustrator for children’s books. They had turned one of the bedrooms into her own personal studio, and she spent many hours a day holed up inside sketching, drawing, and painting on her latest creation. Art was soothing for the soul; she would tell me and then suggest I try it sometime. Take a class, buy a sketch pad, invest in some water colors. I wasn’t keen on that idea, but she never stopped trying.

“So you um…want some more tea?” I rose from my seat and moved towards the tea kettle.

“Sure, that sounds great.” She nudged her mug towards my direction. “So, do you have a specific type?”

I blinked and peered to the teapot. “Um.. it’s Earl Gray.”

My friend chuckled. “No, silly…type of man.”

“Oh.” Shaking my head a little bit at that blonde moment, I poured Dianna another cup of the hot beverage. “I … dunno. I haven’t.. had to think about that in years.”

She gave a little nod, thanking me for the drink and pulling the cup back towards her. “Do you prefer blonds over brunettes, muscles or lean bodies …artist types or professional business men?”

I gave a little shrug and returned the tea kettle to the stove before sliding back into my chair. “I really don’t know.” I traced my fingers around the rim of the porcelain mug.

Dianna nodded and watched me with a solemn expression. “I’ll just surprise you, how ‘bout that?”

That sounded perfect to me. I sent her a grateful smile and nodded.

She returned the smile and took a sip of her drink. “You’re going to be just fine, Morgan Weston. I’m going to see to that.”

~*~*~*~*~

Hours later, after Dianna had left and I’d cleaned the kitchen; I lay comfortable in a lounge chair outside on the balcony from my bedroom. The view of the coast and the pristine blue waters of the Pacific Ocean were breathtaking; one of the main reasons I had purchased that house. Those waters seemed to calm me in some strange way. Each evening I usually sat in the chair, staring out at the scene, letting my mind go and just relaxing. Daisy would rest her head on my thigh and together we’d relive our days in Connecticut, when we were happy. At least I think she did the same as me, those soulful brown eyes just looked so sad that’s what she had to be thinking on. I would stroke her head, she would put her paw on my leg and we’d reminisce.

Tonight I had other things on my mind. Like this date Dianna wanted to set me up on.

“I dunno, Daisy…” I murmured as I smoothed my hand over her silky fur. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to date again.”

She shifted her head some, turning her gaze in my direction.

“I know it’s been two years … but sometimes it only feels like it was yesterday.” I watched her with a somber gaze. “I’m not over Hugh; I don’t think I ever will be.”

Daisy was my therapist to a point I think you could say. Since Hugh’s untimely departure, she has been the one that I have spoken to and not held back from. I think that’s because I know she isn’t going to tell anyone, or judge me. And in some weird way, when I talk to her and she watches me with those eyes, I think I can feel Hugh. I feel something touch me inside and stir my soul and all the uneasiness, sorrow, and fear fades away. It is in those brief moments that I finally feel at peace.

She lifted her head and nudged my hand with her wet nose.

I watched her, stroking her muzzle for a moment. “It’s okay to keep a part of him, isn’t it?”

She licked at my fingers.

“Is that a yes?” I sat up and smoothed both hands over her head. “Do you think it’s time we both moved on?”

As if in response, she gave a gentle bark and rose to all fours, wiggling some.

That surprised me and I lifted a brow, watching her. “Wow, about time, huh? Is that what you’re thinking?”

Daisy barked again then lifted her front legs off the floor for a moment. I watched as she nuzzled my hand then pulled back and paced before me, giving another soft yip.

“Is something wrong?” I swiveled to the side of the chair, placing both feet on the ground. She didn’t normally act this way.

With another woof, she lifted her front paws into the air again before pacing then turning and suddenly bolting into the house through the open French doors.

I stared at the spot she had just been standing before quickly jumping to my feet and following her. “Daisy!” Maybe she had to go potty, though usually in that case she’d just go to the door and wait patiently for me to let her outside.

But she didn’t stop; instead she cantered down the stairs and didn’t slow till she reached the sliding glass doors in the family room that led into the quaint backyard. And even then she continued to give her soft barks, looking my way and wiggling her body.

I was completely befuddled by this dog who was always so mild mannered and tame. “Okay, girl… calm down, it’s alright.” I reached for the door and undid the locks, sliding it open and watching as she sprinted outside. Maybe she had to potty really bad.

She got halfway to the middle of the yard before stopping and turning to face me, tilting her head to the side and giving another yelp.

Suddenly it dawned on me that maybe something was out there. Carefully, I stepped out onto the back patio and glanced around, the sun was slowly setting, leaving the sky streaked with brilliant hues of red-orange, yellow, pinks and purples and though it wasn’t dark, there were shadows cast across the ground that some small animal could easily hide in. “You see something out here, Daisy?”

She gave a woof and wiggled on all fours, waiting until I had stepped just off the back patio and into the grass before turning once more and heading straight for the edge of the yard. I watched bewildered as she reached the wooden stairs built into the cliff that looked out over the beach, and then with one glance and sharp bark in my direction, she disappeared down them.

“Daisy!” I started for the stairs in a hurried pace. Something strange had gotten into my dog and I had to rein her in before she was trying to swim across the Pacific to Hawaii or Japan.

By the time I got to the stairs and down them onto the beach, my chocolate Labrador was nowhere to be found. I felt a small panic and glanced around, careening my neck to peer further down the beach in either direction. “Daisy!?”

There was no response and I ran a hand through my blonde hair, pushing it from my face and spotting her tracks in the sand. Thank God. I could just follow those, hoping she didn’t get far before I caught up.

Wondering what on earth had gotten into her, I started the way she had taken, her path taking me back up closer to the cliff that jutted out over the sand. It was a few feet before they disappeared around a corner, leading into a little alcove. We were probably three houses down from mine, and knowing that this beach was private; I hoped no one would think I was a trespasser and report me to the police. I didn’t know too many of the neighbors.

“Daisy!” I called again as I rounded the corner and stopped, finding her sitting in the sand next to a white and brown Bernese Mountain dog with a silky coat and friendly eyes. The two were sniffing each other, her tail wiggling wildly in the sand, creating a groove.

Both heads turned as I came into view and the Burmese rose to its feet. Daisy gave a friendly bark, as if letting the other dog know I was family then she tilted her head at me and watched me in a way as if saying ‘what took you so long?’.

I shook my head, carefully keeping an eye on the other dog, though he had settled back into the sand after Daisy’s bark. “What is going on with you?” I snapped my fingers, motioning her to join me. “Get over here.”

But she just cocked her head, a childlike expression on her face.

Next to her, the Bernese was settling down into the sand.

“Daisy.” I frowned and motioned her to join me once more.

But she continued to sit on her rump, an action that was quickly annoying me. She had never before been this disobedient. Did dogs go through hormonal teenage years like people did? Because if so, then maybe she was in hers.

“What is your deal?” I took a step towards her and she plopped herself down into the sand next to the other dog.

I rubbed my forehead and glanced around in hopes of spotting the owner of the Bernese, but there wasn’t another soul in sight. He probably had come from the house up the steps and she had smelled him and gotten the crazy idea she wanted to meet him. She was fixed so I wasn’t worried about any mating and little puppies, but still. This was strange, even more so for my dog.

Deciding the other dog wasn’t going to hurt me if I approached; I moved to Daisy’s side and took hold of her collar, suddenly wishing I had the leash with me. With a swift tug, I soon had her on her feet. “Say goodnight to your boyfriend. We’re going home.”

She gave a little whine but didn’t object, and as I led her away, she turned towards the other dog once more, as if trying to tell him she would be back one day. I cast a glance back as well, finding him watching us with an indomitable expression.

Deeming the whole thing weird, I led her back along the path we had taken, not sure what to think of it or her behavior. “Maybe you’re lonely too.” I mused as I reached our section of the beach and started for the stairs. “You miss having a guy around I think.”

She nudged my leg with her nose and we were soon in the backyard. I finally released her collar and gave her head a little pat. “Everyone’s allowed to have a moment every now and then and that was yours. But no more for another few years, mmkay?”

She licked at my hand and I took that as an apology. Scratching gently behind her ears, I led her back into the house and closed the door, securing it behind me. “You’re forgiven.”

Watching as she trotted towards the kitchen, probably in search of her water dish, I gave a sigh and started for the stairs. Thinking back on Daisy’s behavior as I made my way towards my bathroom and a hot shower, I could only contribute it to the fact that she was lonely. And then I wondered if dogs could go on dates.

~*~*~*~*~

The night was precarious; darkness all around me so thick and black you couldn’t see a hand in front of your face. I could feel the fear in my veins and felt the beating of my heart pounding in my chest. Something was after me, something dark and ominous, so sinister that it would make Charles Manson look like a nice boy. I didn’t know what it was, but I could feel it closing in, the hairs on the nape of my neck standing straight up. I was running blindly in the blackness surrounding me. If I strayed off the path it would have me in a second flat. Nothing could stop it; it was after my own soul.

Trying to push my legs faster, I ducked my head and prayed nothing would trip me up. I knew if I fell, it would be on me and that would be it. Death, so ominous but something no one could avoid. When it came for you, when it was your time, that was it. There were no second chances. And those that did happen to be pulled back, those deemed lucky to have another try at life; well it simply hadn’t been their time. When it was time for you to go, you went.

It had been Hugh’s time, and soon it would be mine, because this thing would reach out to me, wrap its bony, ice cold fingers around my neck and squeeze the life from my body. I could feel the brush of something against my neck and a jolt went through me. I wasn’t ready to die yet; I wanted to live, for many more years. I wanted that happiness I once possessed back. I wanted those lazy Sunday morning brunches and car trips to Florida. I wanted laughter, joy, hugs and kisses.

Something snagged the back of my shirt and I struggled against it. Damnit, it wasn’t my time. I was going to fight it; I was going to live again. The chill moved down my back and goosebumps slowly spread, those icy fingers inching closer to my neck, trying to wrap around it. No! I struggled harder, feeling the fear spreading through my belly as the hand finally enclosed my throat. It began squeezing, choking the breath from my lungs. I fought it, but it was useless, I could feel the burning as my eyes began to water. This was it… it was over. It wasn’t supposed to end this way, I was supposed to live again. No!

With a cry, I jerked awake and sat bolt upright in the bed. My lungs heaved hard beneath the worn t-shirt, my eyes wide. I scanned the room then leaned over to the nightstand, flicking on the lamp. A warm glow filled the room and I rubbed my eyes, finding them damp. The dream still filled my head and I squeezed my eyes, trying to force it out. It was the same dream; the same dream for nearly two years. Something pursuing me, something so evil it made the worst serial killers seem tame.

Only tonight one thing was different. I fought it. Every other night I’d had the dream, when the fingers wrapped around my neck, I didn’t struggle. It was as if I was welcoming death. Each time I’d awake just before the last breath left my body. But tonight… I didn’t want to die. Suddenly I wanted to live.

Daisy moved up from her spot at the foot of the bed and nuzzled her nose into my side.

I opened my eyes and looked to her, stroking my hand along her side. “It’s okay, girl. Just another bad dream.”

She settled down onto the bed and shifted until she was right against me. Her eyes seemed to tell me it was okay and that she was there now. That I would be safe.

I smiled and leaned over, kissing her head. “You’re such a good doggie; even if you do run off to find yourself a boyfriend.” I scratched her head and shifted back to the bed, stretching out and letting her rest her head against my chest.

Daisy was a good companion and she tried to take care of me the best she could. But I missed having that body in the bed with me. I missed having that someone to come home to and share my life with. I missed Hugh. Tears began to fill my eyes and before I knew it, I was giving those silent sobs.

My Labrador was used to my behavior, for she licked my hand in that comforting way and nuzzled against me. She did her best and I was grateful to have her, but suddenly I wanted something more. I wanted to live and I wanted more.

“You look hot.”

I glanced down at myself, taking in the flirty, black skirt and purple halter with a beaded empire waistline. “Thank you.”

Dianna gave her broad grin and slipped an arm around my shoulders. “Andrew’s eyes are going to bug out when he sees you.”

A slight blush crept over my cheeks. “Maybe I should go home and change.”

“No, no, no.” She began steering me towards the doors of the restaurant. “You’re staying exactly like you are.”

“Are you sure this is such a good idea?” Knots were forming tighter and tighter in my stomach. And I suddenly didn’t want to go inside. “I can wait in the car.”

“Nonsense.” She waved away my nerves.

“Dianna…” I placed a hand on my belly. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“You’re acting worse than a bride on her wedding day.” She got us inside Malo and greeted the maître d'.

“I can’t help it. What if he.. he turns out to be some …” I lowered my voice, “…sexist, piggish, snob?”

“He’s not.” She was brushing my nerves off with a mere flick of her fingers, like one would react having found lint on their clothing. She was treating me like lint. I frowned at that but followed along with her through the tables and to the corner booth where her husband sat with a tall, dark and handsome man.

They both rose upon our arrival and Manuel kissed his wife’s cheek before doing the same to mine. I squeezed his arm then stepped back as Dianna greeted my date. She gave him a warm hug, commenting on how his suit made his piercing blue eyes stand out so strikingly. Manuel reminded her that Andrew was my date and he was hers then tugged her into the booth with him, allowing the handsome gentleman to finally look my way.

“Um…h…hi…” the words wanted to stay stuck in my throat. He was a beautiful man; with tanned skin, boyishly handsome good looks, soft dark hair and those piercing blue eyes.

He smiled and it reached his eyes, the corners crinkling. “You must be Morgan. It’s nice to finally meet you.” And then his hands were enveloping mine. They were large and thick, but surprisingly warm, and his touch gentle.

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes… and … you’re Andrew.”

“That’s right.” His teeth were so straight and white.

“It’s nice to meet you. Dianna talks very highly of you.”

Andrew chuckled and smoothed his suit jacket. “Likewise, I don’t believe she has stopped once since I learned about you.”

I felt my cheeks growing warm and peeked over to her, finding her smirking my way with a rather ‘I told you so’ look about her.

“Well, here…have a seat.” He motioned towards the booth and I thanked him, slipping into it and setting my purse between me and the wall. He slid next to me and I felt his arm brush mine, the fabric of his jacket tickled my bare skin and a few goosebumps rose.

“So, Dianna tells me you’re from Connecticut.” His voice was a rich baritone and it matched him perfectly.

“That’s right.”

“I spent a few summer’s in Connecticut.”

I watched him. “Really? What part?”

“Just south of Redding. My aunt and uncle lived there for about five years and for two summers I went out and helped around their farm.”

I flashed a little grin as our server came over and introduced herself as Brandi, letting us know that she would be taking care of us and wondering what we’d like to drink.

After taking the drink orders and leaving us to look over the menus, Dianna spoke up from her spot across from me. “Morgan does real estate.”

“Yes, I remember you telling me that.” Andrew gave a little nod. “You just got your license for it, correct?”

“Right. Three months ago, in fact.”

“What did you do before that?”

I gave a little shrug and flipped a page of the menu. “Some PR work.”

“PR to real estate; that’s quite a change.”

“Yeah…” I tucked some hair behind my ear. I didn’t want to give too much away and I didn’t want to get into why I moved careers. “Well, everyone needs a change every once in awhile, right?”

He must have sensed something in my voice because he dropped it and the next few minutes were spent pouring over the menu and trying to decide what we all wanted. Brandi returned with our drinks and promised to return in a little bit for our orders. Then she hurried on her way to the next table. We took another little bit before everyone was ready and our server returned, taking the orders and heading to the kitchen to turn them in.

Once she was gone, and we were all settled in the booth sipping our drinks, Dianna turned the conversation onto Andrew. “He’s from Sonoma Valley in Northern California.”

“Ooh, wine country, right?”

Andrew chuckled low and gave a little nod. “Right. My grandparents actually own a vineyard.”

My brows lifted. “A real vineyard?”

His eyes met mine. “A real vineyard.”

“Wow, that’s really neat. Do they sell their wine to different companies?”

He nodded and relaxed back into the booth. “Some they do. They also make their own.”

“I bet it’s so beautiful up there.”

“It really is. I recommend you take a trip up there sometime. It’s something everyone should see at least once in their lifetime.”

I nodded at that, looking over the table at Dianna and Manuel. “Have you two ever been up that way?”

“A few times.” Manuel Torres answered, his big, burly arm wrapped comfortably around his wife. “It’s like a whole different world compared to Southern Cali.”

I gave a little nod, imagining the clear air and miles upon miles of vineyards, with the hills and valleys and beautiful coastline. “Maybe I should have moved there.”

“We like you right where you are.” The other female replied.

I sent my friend an appreciative smile and fiddled with the straw in my glass.

“Do you like California so far?” Andrew questioned, resting his arm onto the back of the booth behind me, the fabric of his jacket giving the slightest brush against my shoulders.

“It’s a lot different than Connecticut, but I like it. I think my favorite part is the weather.”

He gave a good natured laugh and I found myself liking the way his eyes crinkled at the corners. “Yeah, those Northeastern winters could be pretty rough, huh?”

“That’s putting it mildly.” I shook my head some. “I do not miss shoveling snow or having to dress all up just to go to the mailbox.”

My date made a little face. “That’s why I only went to Connecticut in the summertime.”

“Smart move.”

He chuckled and squeezed my shoulder.

Just then the food arrived and we spent the next few minutes getting the dinners situated and busying ourselves with eating. Manuel told some story about some of the construction guys that worked for him that ended with one of them getting beamed in the shin and having to go to the ER for stitches.

I winched a little bit and Andrew shook his head. “Those guys have got to be more careful.”

“That’s exactly what I told them.”

Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I turned to Andrew. “So, Dianna tells me you and Manuel worked together?”

“That’s right.” He gave a nod and set his glass down. “One of the new office buildings downtown. Manuel had been the contractor hired and I was doing the design.”

“How long have you been in that field?”

“Since college … I love it too much to even want to do anything else.”

I smiled at that; he sounded really passionate. “Have you done a lot of buildings?”

“A few.” He took a bite of his taco and wiped his mouth before speaking again. “One in New York and a couple here. I mostly stick to houses though.”

“That’s so fascinating. You must be very creative.”

“Well, I do try to be.” He flashed a warm smile my way.

Manuel questioned him about what projects he was currently working on and the next few minutes of conversation were filled with architectural talk, something I wasn’t too familiar with. Andrew did his best to answer any questions and explain the different terms, but Dianna and I both finally gave up and fell into a discussion about a new movie that was coming out we wanted to see.

“We should all go see that next Friday.” The words blurted out before I think she realized what she was doing.

I blinked, wondering if she meant … her and me… or her, me, Manuel and Andrew.

Next to me, my date looked her way. “What movie?”

I felt a sudden panic inside. No, this was supposed to be just one date; baby steps. I sent her a discreet look, hoping she would pick up on that.

Either she was oblivious or trying to ignore me. Instead, she informed him of what movie and suggested we all go see the 9:30 and have dinner first.

Manuel said that sounded great and I could feel Andrew watching me. I met his gaze and tried to give a smile.

“Is that okay with you?” He watched me with curiosity and concern.

“Uh …” I hated being put on the spot. “Well, honestly …I don’t know.”

“Morgan…” Dianna was sending me look. It was my turn to ignore her.

“You’re um… you’re a great guy and all … but I… just don’t think I’m ready for another date that soon.”

Andrew watched me for a second longer then gave a little nod. “That’s okay. Keep it a ladies night.” He directed the last sentence over to Dianna.

She sent me a frown and I scowled in her direction.

Manuel suggested maybe another time and then changed the subject.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly despite Dianna’s disapproving looks my way every so often. I did my best to ignore them and forced myself into a pleasant conversation with Andrew about Sonoma Valley and northern Connecticut. He didn’t seem offended by what had happened and I didn’t let it bother me.

An hour later we were finally exiting the restaurant. Dianna and Manuel walked ahead of us a little ways, giving us plenty of privacy.

“I had a good time.”

I smiled. “Me too.”

“Thank you for letting me buy you dinner.”

“Well, thank you for doing so.”

He had his hands shoved into his pockets. “Would you mind if I called you sometime?”

I peeked my eyes his way, mulling that question over in my head. ’You let him go, Morgan. Hugh is gone, but you’re not. And you have to live your life. You have to be happy.’ Dianna’s words echoed in my ears and I finally nodded. “I think that would be just fine.”

Andrew slowed as we approached the Torres’ car. “Great.” He reached out and touched my arm. “I’m glad you agreed to let Dianna set us up.”

I turned and faced him, wondering if he was going to try to kiss me. He wouldn’t, would he? No… especially not in front of Manuel and Dianna. That calmed my racing heart and I returned the friendly smile he was offering. “I am too.”

“We’ll have to do it again.”

“Sometime. Yeah.”

His large hand enveloped one of mine. “I’ll give you a call soon.” Then he was brushing his lips across my cheek and I could smell his aftershave; spicy and warm.

I bade him goodnight and he pulled open the back door on the Honda Civic. I slipped into the vehicle with a ‘thank you’ and he wished Dianna and Manuel a good night, promising to be in touch with them soon. We watched as he hurried over to his own vehicle and slipped behind the wheel. Manuel shifted the Civic into drive and pulled from his spot, heading for the exit.

“So …” Dianna turned her lively eyes on me. “That was fun, huh?”

I met her gaze and gave a nod. “Yeah, he’s a nice guy.”

“How come you didn’t want to go on another date? It’s just the movies.”

“I just wanted to get through this one first. This is … hard enough as is. I … really don’t need the pressure of a second date right now.”

My friend gave a little nod. “You’re right. I’m sorry … I think I just got caught up in it. I mean, you two were hitting it off pretty well.”

I held up a hand. “It’s okay. I did tell him he could call me.”

“That’s a start.” She smiled softly and for a moment I thought she looked somewhat proud.

I felt somewhat proud too.

~*~*~*~*~

Daisy was out the door the minute I unlatched it and had it open enough for her to fit through. Poor thing had been cooped up all evening and probably had to pee something terrible. I flipped the back patio light on so she wasn’t wandering around in the dark and left the door open enough for her, then headed towards the kitchen, removing my earrings as I walked. Setting them down on the counter, my eyes darted back towards the backyard. I should probably go out there and monitor her. I didn’t need her taking off and going down to the beach at this time of night.

Before I had a chance to do just that, the cream colored phone hanging on the wall gave a shrill ring, cutting through the quiet in the house like a knife. It surprised me and I gave a jerk, grabbing it up on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, honey.”

“Mom. Hey.” The clock on the microwave said 10:15pm. That meant after 1am in Connecticut. “What’s wrong? Is dad okay?”

“Your father is just fine. He’s in his chair in the den snoring away.” Miriam Huntley’s voice flowed through the line.

I left out a relieved breath. “Why are you calling so late?”

“Well, I tried to reach you a couple hours ago and there was no answer. So I was just checking to make sure things were okay.”

I gave a little nod and lifted myself up and onto one of the barstools at the counter. “Yeah, things are fine. I was just out with Dianna and her husband.”

“Oh good.” My dear mother had been so worried when I announced the move to California, but being a good mother, she supported me. That didn’t stop her from fretting from afar and she would call often to make sure things were going well. She and my father worried, she would inform me in just about every conversation. Losing someone is never easy, but getting through it on your own must be next to impossible.

“How are you?”

“Oh, I’m managing. How is Dianna?”

“She’s good. She’ll have another book coming out next month.”

“I’ll have to check that out.”

I peeked my eyes to the phone, knowing she was waiting for me to tell her what I had been out doing, or give her an update on how I was feeling. I would do neither. “How’s daddy?”

“Oh, your father is your father. He’s taken up golf.”

“Golf? Really?” I arched a brow.

“Yes and he thinks he can practice in the den. He almost put a hole in the window.”

I chuckled low at that mental. “I’m sure you banned him to the backyard.” My parents were the couple that complained at each other so much some wondered how they stayed married. Despite all the nit picking, they remained very much in love.

“I sure did. And he looks absolutely ridiculous in his plaid golf pants and that hat.”

“He bought golf pants?”

“Yes!” I could hear the unbelievable tone in her voice. “The kind that you pull the socks up over. At least I think that’s how it goes.”

That made me laugh.

“Next he thinks he’s going to get me out there.”

I laughed more. The thought of my mother out on a golf course brought tears to my eyes. She would be hitting more grass and sod then she would the ball. Then she would get frustrated and just pluck the ball up, carry it to the hole and place it right in there.

She gave a chuckle. “I’m glad you find that thought so amusing.”

“Aww, mom…” I wiped the corners of my eyes and took a breath. “I’m sure with enough practice you would do great on a golf course.”

“Who am I kidding?” I could almost see her shaking her head. “I’ll leave the golfing to the people that can actually hit the ball.”

I laughed low and peered towards the back door; Daisy hadn’t come back in yet. Hell, she was probably cavorting with her boyfriend.

“So, you’re doing okay, Morgan? Honestly?” My mother’s voice grew serious.

I rubbed my forehead, knowing better than to lie to my own mom. “I’m … okay.”

“I worry about you.”

I could feel tears pricking my eyes. “I… I know you do.”

“I wish you would come home.”

“I… I’m making this my home, mama.”

A sigh. “Maybe your father and I will come for a visit.”

I cleared my throat and wiped under my eyes. “I think…. I need a little more time.” My words were soft.

“Morgan, you can’t keep us away forever.”

“I know…” Tears threatened my vision. I was scared though. Scared they’d come out and bring all those memories I was trying so desperately to avoid. This was a fresh start and tonight had been my first date since Hugh. I finally wanted to be happy again and my parents showing up with the ghost of Hugh was scaring me to death.

“We’re so worried.”

“I just need more time.”

“Morgan…”

“Please, mama…I just …need more time.” The words echoing throughout my head as I spoke them. That’s all…just more time.

Sunday morning I took Daisy for a walk on the beach. She was leashed this time so there’d be no running off to go find lover boy. The sun was warm, but a cool breeze was blowing in from the water and I was glad I wore a light jacket. Daisy and I didn’t walk the beach too often; she would get distracted too easily with the sea gulls, waves and sand creatures. We’d often end up taking half the beach home with us. But today I wanted the solitude I knew the private oceanfront would provide us with. I wanted time to think; about the date, my parents … Hugh.

After telling my mother good-night and hanging up, I had collected Daisy and retired to the bedroom. A nice hot shower had provided me with the solace I needed to have a good cry. It was hard not having seen my parents since the move and they so desperately wanted to come visit… but I wasn’t sure how well I would handle it. I was going to have to think about it and gauge how I felt with things. I had taken my first baby step last night; maybe this could be another one.

Daisy gave a tug on the leash and I looked to see her burrowing her nose into the sand.

“You’re going to get yourself bit by a crab.” I chuckled and gently tugged her away.

She looked to me then wagged her tail and ran off towards the water’s edge. She only got as far as the leash would let her.

Slowly, we made our way along the sand. I watched the waves as they gently moved up onto the beach, as if gently kissing it. Daisy didn’t seem to be paying any attention to the beauty of it all as she ran here or there, tried to jump at the waves a little farther out, sniffed at a shell or stuck her nose into a hole. It was precious; how unabashed about life she was. I was beginning to wish I could have her carefree and happy-go-lucky attitude. It must be easy to be a dog.

Lifting a brow at being envious over Daisy’s attitude, I perched myself onto a large piece of driftwood, looping the handle of the leash up and to my elbow, allowing the chocolate Lab a little more room to explore. I watched her as she began to make herself familiar with the wood I was sitting on. Thankfully she didn’t mark her territory and moved on to explore something else. With a sigh, I stretched my legs out and watched the waves cresting. There were many days I felt like the ocean; angry waves and dark waters, many hidden and unknown regions. That was my life. Or what had become my life.

Why had things taken the turn they had? What had I done to deserve this? Those questions had burned my mind for nearly two years and the answers weren’t becoming any clearer now then they’d been the night of Hugh’s death. I didn’t know why the universe had decided to shaft me and leave me alone and terribly afraid. I thought moving to California would help me; starting over and getting away from everything that had been us. But nearly two years later I had gone on my first date and didn’t feel any better, or different.

It made my heart ache.

I longed for Hugh; longed for that safety and warmth. For the love that we used to share, the passion that was in our souls. And I didn’t understand why he had been taken away. Why him? Why me? And why couldn’t I find happiness again? That’s all I wanted; to feel at peace and be happy. I deserved that. Two years of pain, having my world crumble around me, trying to move on with my life when there was so much holding me back. How does one overcome all that?

Just then something white filled my vision and I blinked, jerking back and turning to see a man standing next to me, offering me a handkerchief.

He noted the expression on my face and gestured with the white cloth. “Go ahead, it’s clean.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying. Embarrassment flushed my cheeks and I took it, wiping the tears and clearing my throat.

Daisy trotted over as the newcomer joined me on the driftwood, sniffing at his jean clad legs. She let him gently pat her head as she checked him out then suddenly tried to climb up in his lap.

I blinked and pulled her down. “Daisy!”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He gave a chuckle and brushed some sand off. “She’s just saying hello, aren’t you?” His hand affectionately rubbed behind her ears and her tail thwapped against the sand.

I smoothed the kerchief between my fingers and watched as my dog wallowed in the attention from this man. A black cap was pulled low on his head, wisps of dark hair peeking from beneath. He wore blue jacket made from a light material, the collar turned up to keep the wind from his face. He had a neatly trimmed beard that covered just his chin then lined his jaw up to his ears. But what I took most notice of were the tattoos on his hands. He wasn’t holding them still enough for me to make out what they were exactly, but I could see they adorned his fingers and the back of his hands. Peeking to his body, I wondered if he had any more hidden away.

Daisy finally turned her attention elsewhere and was back off exploring again. I watched her trying to catch a sandpiper before feeling his gaze on me.

Turning my head, I was met with round, deep and tender, dark eyes. Something twitched in my chest and I had to take a breath.

“It’s not very often I come across women sitting on driftwood, crying.” His voice was husky and smooth.

A blush tinged my cheeks. “I… don’t do this often.”

“Hey, no need to explain to me. You can sit out here and cry to your heart’s content.”

I watched the handkerchief in my hands. “Thank you.”

“Tears are a good way to cleanse the soul.” He was looking out at the water. “Though, so is laughter.”

“I don’t have anything to laugh about.”

“Everyone should have something to laugh about.”

I shook my head. “Not me.”

He was watching me again, those eyes penetrating my soul almost. “The glass is always half empty, huh?”

I couldn’t meet his gaze. “It didn’t used to be.”

Beside us, Daisy was digging a hole.

“Well,” he gave a little shrug. “Maybe you need a new glass.”

I looked to him, biting back the urge to snap at him and tell him he does not know what I need. Instead, when those eyes met mine, something in my chest twitched again and I tore my gaze from his.

“I made you angry.” He touched my elbow.

I shook my head, biting my cheek to keep the tears at bay.

“I did. I apologize.”

I nodded and wiped at my eyes with the kerchief again.

He was quiet, and for a moment I wondered if he had left. Glancing his way, our eyes met again and he smiled.

I felt something stirring inside of me at his friendly expression and warming grin. Maybe he was an angel sent down to give me solace and comfort. Then my eyes fell to his tattooed hands again. Did angles have tattoos? “Are… you real?”

“What else would I be?”

A shrug. “An angel.” Then feeling silly for suggesting such a thing, I quickly added. “Or a ghost… or something.”

“I could be a vampire.”

“No,” I shook my head, watching him again. “The sun is shining.”

“Ooh, good point.” He chuckled low. “Maybe I’m a daywalker.”

“Do they have those?”

“Hell, I have no idea.”

Did angels cuss?

He sent me a lopsided grin and offered his arm. “I’m very real.”

I wanted to touch him, to make sure for myself. But I didn’t. “I believe you.”

“Do you really?”

My eyes searched his face and I had to look away before I fell into his own eyes. “I do. There aren’t such things as vampires, or daywalkers … I don’t even think ghosts exist.”

“But angels?”

“Not anymore.”

“Ouch.”

I didn’t look his way, I didn’t want to see him judging me, or thinking he knew what was going on in my life. Instead, I held the kerchief out in his direction.

He rose from his spot and I kept my eyes trained on my knees. “Keep it.”

Giving a nod, I lowered it to my lap again, fiddling with the edges.

I could feel his presence next to me. “Someone once told me…‘The tears upon your face are there to remind you that you’re still alive.’.”

His words filled my head and I clutched the kerchief a little tighter. Could this guy be related to Dianna? She would often sprout off proverbs herself. Wetting my lips, I turned to ask him his name and found the spot empty. I glanced to my right, back to the left… then behind me and all around, but he was nowhere. How strange. People just didn’t disappear into thin air. I could feel my pulse pick up and a shiver ran down my spine. Maybe he wasn’t just a person.

~*~*~*~*~

I couldn’t stop thinking about my mysterious visitor on the beach all week long. His words kept repeating over and over in my head; ’maybe you need a new glass.’. A new glass wouldn’t solve my problems though. Life is way too complicated for things to be changed and fixed so easily. And besides, how do you even go about obtaining something like that. It’s not like they’re just lying about for the taking. I knew it was a metaphoric statement but one can’t help but to assign materialism to it.

But it wasn’t just his simple, yet profound, statement that had me puzzled. It was the man himself; his odd appearance and even more strange disappearance. We had had a very strange encounter that left me with a feeling I couldn’t place. If I still believed in angels I would have insisted he was one. Could he have just been a figment of my imagination; my subconscious trying to tell me to buck up and get on with my life? Maybe so, but the white handkerchief lying atop my dresser really told me otherwise. He had been real.

I needed to stop obsessing.

It was Friday; nearly a week after my date and Andrew still hadn’t called me. I really didn’t want him to. Lying, having to make up excuses and reasons why we couldn’t get together again were not things I enjoyed. The more and more I thought about Andrew, the more and more I really did not want to see him again. He was a good guy; don’t get me wrong, but something inside was holding me back. Maybe it was Hugh, maybe it wasn’t … maybe it was me, maybe our connection. Gah, all this dating, and phone calls and starting over crap was already too much for me. I needed to stop trying and just …be.

’Maybe you need a new glass.’

Maybe I needed a hole to hide away in.

“What has got you so frowny?”

I looked over to find my neighbor joining me on my back patio. It was the middle of the afternoon and the sun was high in the sky, warming everything it touched.

“Hey, Dianna.”

“Hey yourself, Grumpy Smurf.”

“I’m not grumpy.”

“Well, you’re certainly not Little Miss Sunshine.”

“Do you really expect me to be?” I watched her with an exasperated expression.

She watched me with those coffee colored eyes before rubbing the middle of her forehead. “No, I suppose not.”

I gave a nod and stared out at the water.

We were both silent; me lost in my thoughts and her … well who knew what was going through Dianna’s head. It could be anything, from contemplating World Peace to what she was going to serve with the roasted chicken she was making for dinner.

“I’m sorry.”

I tore my eyes away from the blue and met her gaze.

“I’m sorry.” She repeated again. “You .. you’re going through something very difficult and I’m over here trying to force you to just… be happy again.”

I didn’t reply, just watched her unwavering.

“I’ve never lost a husband. I don’t know…how the healing process is supposed to go.”

“I…don’t know either.” I had to force the words around the lump in my throat.

She gave a little nod then reached over and took my hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know…” It was barely a whisper. Quickly, I brushed away the tear that ran down my cheek.

She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

More tears blurred my vision and I wiped them away, drying my hands on my jeans. “I..I’m sorry..” My voice cracked.

“Don’t apologize.” She sat sideways on the chair, facing me. “Honey, you are the last person on this earth that has anything to apologize about.”

“I feel stupid for crying.”

“It’s healthy to cry.”

“Someone…” I cleared my throat and took a little breath. “Someone told me that … they remind you that you’re still alive.”

“That’s a very wise statement.” She stood and moved into the house, returning with a box of tissues. “The anniversary is coming up, isn’t it?” She questioned once she had taken her seat again.

I wiped my eyes and nose with the kleenex. “Next month.”

“You could fly back home. Go visit his grave.”

Her words made a chill race down my spine and I quickly shook my head, a panic seizing my chest. That was the very last thing I wanted to do. I could not face that headstone ever again.

“Hey… hey, it’s okay.” She reached over and rubbed my arm.

“I… I can’t.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to.”

The panic slowly eased away as she calmed me.

“How ‘bout you come over for dinner? I’ll send Manuel off somewhere and it’ll just be us.”

“Okay.”

She offered up her friendly smile. “Good. We can order some cheesy movie on TV as well, if you want.”

I nodded and gave a sniff. “That…sounds nice.”

“It will be.” Her hand squeezed my arm before releasing it.

We were quiet again and I began to regain my composure, feeling foolish for falling apart like that with her.

“Where’s Daisy?”

“Inside.” I gestured towards the house. “She wore herself out at the dog park this morning.”

“Wow, Daisy wore out? That’s a first.”

A chuckle slipped from my mouth and I gave a little nod. “I know right. She made friends with a Collie and the two raced each other around the entire time we were there.”

“She’s just making friends all over, isn’t she?” Dianna gave her own chuckle. “How’s her boy-er excuse me, dog-friend doing?”

I gave a little shrug. “They haven’t seen each other in awhile. I haven’t let her down to the beach.”

“Ooh, look at you; nipping that romance in the bud. Next thing you know she’ll be jumping the balcony and sneaking down there in the middle of the night.”

“She better not be.”

“You can’t stop true love.”

I looked her way. “Do you think dogs fall in love?”

“I’m sure they do. They definitely feel affection.” She waved her hand at me. “Look how she is towards you.”

“True.” I gave a little sigh and settled back more in the chair. “They grieve. She would just sit at the door for hours waiting for Hugh, the saddest expression on her face.”

“Then they have to fall in love. Or at least feel love.”

I didn’t respond to that, just watched the water again, the waves rolling in a bit higher. A storm was brewing.

“It’s too bad she’s fixed. She’d have the most adorable little puppies.”

I gave a low laugh. “Yeah, and all of them would be just as hyper and active as she is. The house would be insane. I’d be insane for allowing that to happen.”

“Maybe they’d take after their dad.”

A snort. “Fat chance. I think the hyper gene is the dominant one.”

“Maybe so.”

In the distance there was a low rumble of thunder.

“It’s gonna storm.”

I nodded.

“Gonna be a bad one.”

“How do you know?”

“Look at the swells, they’re angry and tumultuous.”

I looked, watching as the water began to crash to the shore in a bitter manner.

“Yup, gonna be a bad one.”

And I wondered if it matched the one inside me.

~*~*~*~*~

The storm came. The rain pounded, the wind shrieked, sending leaves and trash can lids scattering through the street. Lightning lit the entire sky, brighter than even the sunniest of days. And the thunder, so powerful and commanding, shook the house, rattling the windows and shaking shutters loose. Daisy hid under the kitchen table, whimpering and burrowing her nose beneath her paw. I had a flashlight sitting on the counter, and candles scattered about in case the electricity was cut off.

It was fierce, and every boom in the sky sent chills down my spine. I hated thunderstorms, maybe more than Daisy. But they brought my favorite part; that moment just after the rain has stopped and the earth is settling, when the sun is beginning to peek back through the clouds and the light catches the water, rainbows dancing all around. Those were the best times, I’d go outside barefoot, feeling the warm ground beneath my feet, watching as brilliant colors streaked the sky. Hugh called me a rainbow chaser. They were a beautiful part of life that needed no explanation. It’d been two years since I’d cared to see one.

A crack of thunder pierced through the howling wind and more lightning illuminated the sky, chasing away shadows for the single moment it was. I grabbed for the flashlight as the lights dimmed then flickered. I was hoping it wouldn’t go out. Last time the electricity had gone out; it wasn’t back on until the following afternoon. I didn’t want another hot, sleepless night. But they soon returned to their full strength and I relaxed.

Suddenly a loud crash came from the back of the house and I jerked, whirling towards the family room and staring at the patio doors, half expecting a madman in a mask wielding a knife to be standing there. But when more lightning streaked and lit up the backyard, the patio was vacant. Was probably just the wind. Letting out the breath I had been holding, I turned once more then gave a shriek as another loud boom sounded; something had hit the house. Maybe a loose tree branch.

Grabbing up the flashlight just in case, I crossed through to the family room and slowly eased my way to the doors, flipping on the exterior light and peeking towards where the noise had come from. A patio chair lay strewn across the yard, being slammed into the house with each gust of wind. If this kept up, it could come careening right through the glass. I’d just bring it inside.

I undid the locks and set the flashlight to the side then carefully slid the door open, feeling rain pelting my face as the wind blew it in every direction. Quickly, I darted outside, grabbing for the chair. It slipped from my fingers as the wind took it further from my reach.

My hair was now damp and being blown in my face. With a frustrated growl, I pushed it from my eyes and lunged for the chair again. My fingers gripped the arm and I turned, hauling it behind me as another gust of wind suddenly forced me back, nearly toppling me over. I caught myself, pushing forward and making my way towards the open doors, which Daisy was now coming out of.

“Daisy?” I blinked. She hated storms, why would she be venturing out into the midst of one?

She ignored me, and instead gave a sharp bark then ducked low to avoid the wind and took off across the backyard.

I watched her go, wondering if I was imagining it. Then realization suddenly sank in and I pushed the chair away, taking off after her. “Daisy! Get back here!” What if something happened and she fell off the cliff, or was swept out into the ocean? She was not that strong a swimmer, not in this kind of storm.

She either ignored me, or didn’t hear me, the wind carrying my voice off in a different direction. Instead, she pushed on and I saw her heading right for the wooden stairs, the streaks of lightning lighting the way. She disappeared down them and I struggled against the storm.

It took me a few moments longer, but I finally made it to the beach, the spray from the waves dousing me as they crashed angrily over the sand. It was too dark to see anything, and the few seconds I did have light were not enough to tell which way my dog had gone. I was soaked head to toe, my clothes sticking to my body, my hair plastered to my cheeks.

The wind continued to throw itself at me and I turned my back to it. Why was I out here in the middle of a storm trying to find Daisy? If she didn’t get herself hurt, then I probably would. I should just go back to the house and wait; she’d find her way back. That was the sensible thing to do, but I didn’t do that. Something wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t leave Daisy. I couldn’t lose Daisy. Giving an embittered growl, I struggled against the winds and rains, shouting for my dog and hoping she would hear me and come.

Another streak of lightning brightened the sky and I nearly screamed as the thunder cracked overhead, reverberating inside of me. The wind was picking up and sand burned my eyes, coating my face and mouth. That dog was in some big trouble once I did get her back to the house. Could dogs be grounded?

I turned against the wind again as it sent cold chills down my back. Leaves were being tossed around and one stuck to my head. “Daisy!” I called out again, hearing the wind swallow my words.

“Daisy!!”

All of a sudden, an explosion rocked me, pain filling my head. And then darkness ensued.

I was moving. It felt like I was moving. I didn’t know where I was going because my eyes refused to open. I tried, but they were so heavy and I was so warm and comfortable. Except for the sharp pain that had taken over my left temple. It was piercing, and felt like someone had stabbed me with a knife, or maybe a screwdriver. Who would want to do that? I hadn’t done anything to anyone. I wish I could open my eyes and pull the blasted thing out. Had someone glued them shut? Was I in the clutches of a serial killer? Oh my god, what’s my name?

My name? Who am I? A panic started in my chest and I tried to move, but my body was even heavier than my eyelids. I had no idea who I was! And then suddenly it came back to me.

Morgan Weston.

That calmed me, though I was still confused as to why I was immobile and had my eyelids glued shut. I tried to speak but my mouth felt like it was full of sawdust and I longed for a glass of water. What was wrong with me?

Before I could put any more thought into that, the pain in my skull increased and it felt like my head was literally splitting into two pieces. I tried to cry out but couldn’t; the pain was overwhelming. And in a foggy daze, that moment just before the darkness took over once more; I thought I heard a voice.

“Don’t try to move; just relax.”

~*~*~*~*~

The next time I awoke, I could open my eyes. My head still hurt greatly, but it felt like the screwdriver had been removed. I reached for my temple, finding I could move again, though my mouth still felt like it was full of sawdust. My fingers touched a bandage of some type on my head and I winced at the sharp pain that simple action had set off. What had happened?

Lowering my hand, I surveyed where I was, relief flooding through me when I recognized my bedroom. It was still dark outside, the shades pulled closed, but a lamp on the nightstand filled the room with a soft glow. What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I could recall was the storm and being down on the beach. Daisy!

I tried to sit up but the room gave a sudden tilt and my head began to spin, forcing me back down. Had I been drugged? Or were these just the after affects of having been stabbed in the head?

“You’re awake.”

The voice came from my right and I jerked to look in that direction, immediately regretting the decision as a wave of nausea washed over me.

“Hey, take it easy. No sudden movements.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, waiting until the sickening feeling had passed.

“There you go.” Someone sank down onto the edge of the bed and a cool cloth was pressed to my forehead.

I kept my eyes closed until I was sure I wouldn’t vomit then slowly blinked them back open.

It was my angel.

No, there were no such things as angels. But there he was. Suddenly, I was very confused.

“Wha….” I tried to speak, but the words died in my throat.

“Here, sip this.” He held a glass of water towards me, the straw meeting my lips.

I took a few swallows, the cool liquid soothing my throat and washing the sawdust away.

After he had set the water back off to the side and was watching me again, I tried once more.

“What…happened?”

“You got beamed in the head by a piece of flying driftwood.”

I blinked, the pain from my temple now moving into my eyelids and behind my eyes. “What?”

He watched me with those soul-stirring eyes. “You were down at the beach in the middle of the storm from hell, and a piece of wood smacked you in the head.”

“You… were there?” Gingerly I touched the bandage, wincing as even the slightest brush caused a stab of pain to shoot through my temple.

“Fortunately for you.” He reached and plucked a small orange bottle from the nightstand.

“But…wha…how?” I was still rather confused, and the throbbing of my head was not helping. It was making it hard to think clearly.

“I saw you go down.” He shook two small white pills out into his hand. “By the time I reached you, so had your dog. She led me back up here to your place.”

“Shouldn’t I be in the hospital?”

I watched as my rescuer recapped the bottle and set it aside, taking up the glass of water. “Once I got you back here, I called a doctor; a guy that lives across the street. He came over and checked you out. Said you’ll have one hell of a headache but should be okay.” He extended the pills and water towards me. “You got lucky. Take these.”

I eyed him carefully, peering towards the pills in his hand. “What’s that?”

“Tylenol. It’ll help the headache.”

Normally I didn’t trust strangers, but for reasons unknown I took the pills, swallowing them down with the water.

“Good girl.” He sent me a teasing grin and set the glass once more to the side.

I just watched him, hoping beyond hope that the medicine would kick in soon and ease the pain that was gripping my head.

“Do I have a concussion?”

“A slight one. Doc said to just rest and take it easy the next few days, but if your headache doesn’t leave, or you have trouble walking, or any confusion…he said to call your own doctor right away.”

I gave a little nod then blinked. “Daisy?”

He nodded his head towards the foot of the bed.

Daisy lay watching me with her big, brown eyes. Upon mention of her name, she lifted her head and her tail gave a thump against the bed.

I sent her a scowl before carefully resting my head back against the pillows. Our eyes met once more and I felt that familiar twitch inside my chest.

“Still think I’m an angel?”

I realized I’d been holding my breath and slowly let it out. “I don’t believe in angels.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

My eyes drifted to the quilt that covered my body and I realized I was still in my wet clothing. “I’m going to catch a cold.”

“Yeah, I had that thought too, but didn’t think it’d be appropriate for me to just…change you. Not that it wouldn’t be a pleasant experience for me.”

A small blush crept on my cheeks. “Well um… thank you for… not doing that.”

“You’re very welcome.” He watched me a moment longer and I watched the quilt.

Finally I turned to face him. “Maybe you are a vampire …or ghost.”

“So you believe in those now?”

A shrug. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.” It came out softer and more hurt then I had intended it to.

“Then angels could be very real.”

“No, they’re not.”

“How do you know?”

Inside my chest my heart was beating faster and I opened my mouth to respond, but then closed it again and broke our gaze, looking off towards the curtain covered windows. “You should go.”

“And leave you here alone and unsupervised with a slight concussion?”

“I’ll call someone.”

“Is that what you want?”

What I wanted was for my head to stop feeling like it was splitting in two. But I just nodded.

He was quiet for a moment then gave a sigh and rose from the bed. “Okay.”

I chanced a look to him, feeling my pulse quicken slightly. “Um…thank you…”

His grin warmed my belly. “It was my pleasure. Get some rest, okay? And make sure you call someone.”

“I will.”

He watched me for a moment longer before instructing me where he had put the Tylenol and cool compress. Then brushing his fingers over my arm, he bid me goodnight and left.

It wasn’t until I heard the downstairs door slam that I realized I still didn’t know his name.

~*~*~*~*~

“You know, if you’re going to be getting into any fights … you should at least wait until I’m there to cheer you on.” Dianna’s words greeted me bright and early the next morning as she let herself into my house.

I looked over from where I sat at the kitchen table, trying to force down an orange.

“What the hell happened to you?” She was by my side in an instant, examining the gauze bandage taped to my head.

I hadn’t called anyone like I should have. Instead, I had fallen into an uneasy sleep before waking a few hours later and managing to strip my damp clothes off. My head still throbbed, but not as sharp, and I felt sore and tired all over.

“Just a little road rage.”

“Uh huh.” Carefully, she peeled the bandage back to discover the cut and swollen lump above my temple.

“You should see the other guy.” I swallowed another slice of orange.

“Seriously, what happened?”

The tone in her voice was one I knew not to mess with and so I told her. All about Daisy taking off on me and following her, about the flying piece of driftwood and slight concussion and the headache the size of Alaska that was slowly fading away. I didn’t mention being rendered unconscious or my mysterious rescuer.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because it was late and I was fine.”

“That does not look like fine. You should see a doctor.”

I sighed and wiped the sticky orange juices from my fingers. “I kinda already did.”

“What? When?”

“Last night. I called the doctor guy across the street and he came over.”

“Doctor Grant?”

Was that his name? I pretended like I knew and gave a nod. “Yes, Doctor Grant.”

“Really?” She arched a brow. “And he fixed you all up?”

I pointed to the bandage taped back to my head. “Yup.”

“Hmm…that’s really interesting considering Doctor Grant is my gynecologist, a woman at that, and the doctor that lives across the street is Doctor Morris.”

I paused with another orange slice halfway to my mouth. Damn.

Dianna watched me intently. “What’s going on?”

There was no hiding anything from her. She was like a mother hen with eyes in the back of her head and could tell you what your next move was going to be before you’d even made it.

“The doctor guy from across the street did come over; I just…didn’t know his name.”

“How did you know to call him?”

I set the orange piece back down. “Um… some guy actually called him for me.”

That was news to Dianna and she slipped into a chair. “What guy?”

I shrugged. “Some… guy. He… was on the beach and saw what happened.”

“You didn’t get his name?”

I shook my head. “I thanked him though.”

“Well, that’s sweet of you.” She shook her head some then watched me with concern. “But you feel okay?”

“I do. The doctor said if I start seeing funny or walking funny …or my headache doesn’t go away then to see my doctor. But he thinks I’ll be okay.”

Dianna eyed me then finally gave a nod. “Alright. And if you start having any of those … you better let me know.”

“Oh believe me, you’ll be the first one I tell.”

She reached and swiped a piece of my orange. “I had come over here to see if you wanted to go shopping or something. But you’re not in the best of shape to leave this house.”

“Yeah, I still feel a little woozy.”

“Maybe we should just take you to the doctor’s.”

“No, I’ll be okay. Seriously.”

“Mmkay, but if you lapse into a coma…do not blame me after you wake and are missing thirty years of your life.”

I chuckled low. “I’ll try not to.”

She gave a firm nod then fell into colloquy about the newest book she was illustrating.

I didn’t mean to tune her out, but my thoughts drifted to the angel from the beach before I even knew they were going there. It was a little weird that he just happened to be out there in the middle of a raging thunderstorm. People just did not walk around in those things; well okay I had been but I had a pretty good reason; my mangy mongrel of a pet.

Maybe he wasn’t a normal human. Maybe he wasn’t human. Angels didn’t exist. Neither did vampires or ghosts… there weren’t even aliens. He was just some crazy man who thought it would be fun to walk the beach in a powerful thunderstorm. Lucky for me.

“Morgan?”

I blinked and Dianna’s face came into focus. “Huh, what?”

“Where’d you go?”

I glanced around at the chair I sat in. “Nowhere.”

“You looked a million miles away.”

I shook my head. “I’m not.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not. I’m right here.”

“Obviously, you were thinking about something you don’t want me to know about.”

I sighed as Dianna eyed me like she was some kind of private investigator. “I’m really not.”

She gave a chuckle and I knew she wasn’t upset with me. “You are the worst liar.”

I shook my head, dropping the entire subject. “Will you take Daisy on a walk for me today?”

“You poor thing, of course.”

“Thank you.” I sent her a genuine smile then rose from the chair, taking my trash with me. “I think I need to lie down for a little bit.”

“Of course, take your time.” She stood as well, collecting the orange peel and napkins from my hands then shooing me out of the kitchen. “You go rest. I’m going to tidy up down here then take Daisy for her walk. If you need anything, holler.”

I didn’t object, just thanked her again then made my way back upstairs to the bedroom.

I settled into the bed and gave a little sigh, staring up at the ceiling. Why was I so hesitant to tell Dianna about the mysterious guy? There wasn’t anything wrong with it; he had saved me after all. But something was holding me back. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was so perplexing and the whole situation odd, or if there was something more to it. Did I even want to go down that path to figure it out?

It took me two days before I finally began to feel like my regular self. The lump on my head was slowly diminishing, but still very visible. I began to brush my hair the other direction to help hide it, not wanting to have to answer any questions at the office, or by any clients. I called off work Monday, letting another of the realtors take over the house I was supposed to show. Dianna dropped by for a bit mid morning, but didn’t stay long. After she was gone, I made myself comfortable on the couch and put in a movie; The House Bunny. A comedy starring Anna Faris as a playboy bunny, with nowhere to go who ends up moving in with a group of college sorority girls. It’s a pretty funny movie and I would have probably laughed more had my head not been so sensitive and foggy.

Sometime during the middle of the flick, the phone rang. I paused the DVD player and grabbed the cordless that sat beside me. The ID gave an unfamiliar number and with a curious expression I answered.

“Hello?”

“Morgan?”

The voice was vaguely familiar. “Who is this?”

“It’s Andrew. Andrew Holden.”

Recognition clicked and I sat up a little straighter. “Oh hi.”

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, not at all.” I smoothed the blanket that was covering my legs. “How are you?”

“I’m doing good.” His voice was like velvet over the line. “How are you? I heard you had a pretty nasty fall.”

Dianna and her big mouth. “It wasn’t a fall so to say. I got hit with some driftwood.”

“Ouch. How did you manage that?”

“Oh… you know, I thought I’d take a walk in the middle of a thunderstorm. See what kind of things I could find.”

He chuckled low at my casual tone. “Bet you’ll never do that again.”

“Only next weekend and then I’m done.”

He laughed again and I shifted my eyes to the phone. Was I that funny?

“So um…sorry it took me so long to call you…” he began once a silence had settled over the line.

I started to tell him that it was okay, but he continued on, explaining he had been out in New York for the week busy with a new project he was heading up. That made me feel a little bit better; least he hadn’t been one of those guys who promises to call but never does.

So we chatted for a little while about his new project which he sounded pretty excited about. He said he would be flying back and forth to New York pretty often during the next few months. Which translated to me; he wouldn’t have a lot of time for anything dealing with a woman or a relationship. Which was perfectly fine by me; I didn’t feel any of those romantic vibes towards him. He was a very nice guy, and fun to talk to… but I think it stopped at being friends.

Towards the end of our conversation Andrew suggested we have lunch on Thursday. He wanted me to meet him at his office in downtown LA and then we’d go to some cute little bistro he knew about down the way. I debated it over in my head, wondering if he wanted it to be more than a friendly date. But he had been pretty up front about letting me know he didn’t have much time for socializing. I finally relented.

“Only if you promise to ignore the ugly bump on my head.”

“Aww, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“Heh, you haven’t seen it yet.” I reached up and gently touched the knot.

“Alright, I promise to ignore it if it’ll get you to have lunch with me.”

I chewed my cheek. “What time?”

“How’s 12:30?”

I was free on Thursday. I only worked a few days a week; the money from Hugh’s insurance policy and will left me pretty comfortable and in no need of an extra income. But I knew if I didn’t do something, I’d go stir crazy. Besides, it was nice to get out and socialize with people.

“I can do that.”

“Great.” It sounded like he was smiling.

He gave me directions and we conversed a few moments longer before finally hanging up.

As I set the receiver back down on the cushion next to me, I thought about how excited Dianna would be when she found out. Maybe I wouldn’t tell her. She would read more into it then she should and think it was a romantic date. I did not need her breathing down my neck about this.

Nodding, and deciding that she would not find out, I returned to the movie, unpausing the DVD. Hopefully Andrew wouldn’t tell her either. Friendly lunch date. I needed more friends.

~*~*~*~*~

Tuesday I was at work; elbow deep in paperwork and my head filled with numbers and facts. I had a long list of things that needed to be done and I was already over halfway through with my day. Just then a red and white box was plopped down on my desk.

“What’s this?” I looked up from my work, seeing Anna Sawyer perching on the edge of my desk.

“Sweet n’ Sour chicken. You look like you could use a break.”

Anna was one of the few people I did socialize with outside of work. 32 and married, with a two year old, she was a good person; head of the food drive committee at her church and volunteering at the soup kitchen on Saturdays. Sometimes she seemed a little too good, but the world really needed those kinds of people. Someone had to make up for all the evil.

“Thanks.” I set my pen down and rubbed the bridge of my nose before taking up the Chinese take out box and opening the top. “I forgot to eat lunch.”

“Been pretty busy, huh?”

I nodded and took the fork she handed me, digging into the warm chicken and rice.

She let me eat a few minutes before speaking. “I think some of us are going out for drinks after work. You should come.”

“Who is some?”

“Uh… well I’m going. And Dixon is I believe. So are Maureen, Lewis and Kaiti.”

I made a little face and she sighed.

“I know. You don’t like Maureen.”

“Or Dixon. He’s so arrogant.”

“Yeah he can be.” She rolled her eyes. “But you should still come. We’re going to O’Malley’s.”

I twirled the fork in the rice. “I dunno… I’ve had a long day.”

“Aww, c’mon, Morgan. Just for a little bit.”

“You know I don’t really drink.”

“One Margarita isn’t going to hurt you.”

“Why do you even want to go?” I speared a piece of chicken.

“I don’t know…” Anna shrugged and brushed her dark hair from her face. “Greg is out of town and my mom has Abigail. So I figured, why the hell not.”

I opened my mouth to respond but was cut off when Dixon Giles sauntered over, arrogance just oozing from him like sap from a tree.

“Hello, ladies.” His teeth were so white it was nearly blinding.

“Hey Dixon.” Anna sent him her friendly smile.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” He smoothed a hand on his crisp, white shirt and I had the sudden urge to dump my take out over his immaculate head of dark, perfectly styled hair.

“Not at all.” My female friend shook her head, motioning towards me. “Morgan and I were just talking about O’Malley’s.”

His beady eyes looked my way. “Ooh, you’ll be joining us?” And there was that grin again; it made my skin crawl. “That’s great.”

I could not put my finger on why I did not like this man. Was it because he reminded me of every sleezy, slimebag I had run across in my lifetime? Or was it because one time he had goosed me, pretending he thought I had been someone else from behind. Maybe both.

“Actually, I can’t.” The last thing I wanted were his drunken hands trying to get up my skirt.

Anna frowned and Dixon looked disappointed.

“That’s too bad. Maybe next time.”

“Yeah, maybe next time.” I echoed his words, pretending to be thoroughly engrossed in my chicken.

He and Anna talked for a moment longer before he continued on past, heading off to annoy someone else.

Once he was out of range, she frowned at me. “Why aren’t you coming?”

I set the take out box on my desk. “Because he would either hit on me, or try to cop a feel.”

“You don’t know that.”

I sent her a look and she sighed, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Alright, next time…if Dixon isn’t there, will you come?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.” She smiled then invited me over for Sunday dinner.

I accepted and we conversed while I finished the chicken. Finally she headed off and I resumed my work.

Anna was sweet. She was the first person at the agency to befriend me and we had clicked almost instantly. I didn’t get too personal with her, but she did know I had lost my husband and still recovering from it. And unlike Dianna she wasn’t pressuring me to take baby steps and move on from it. ‘Everything will work out in the end’ was Anna’s motto, and if it took you years to get to that spot then that was life and you take what it throws your way. I was certainly doing that.

Twenty minutes later my desk phone rang.

“Houghton Real Estate, this is Morgan Weston; how may I help you?”

“Hello. You sound like your doing better?”

I glanced to the black receiver in my hand, not recognizing the smooth male voice that had greeted me. “Who is this?”

“I don’t think we’ve gotten that quite established yet.” He gave a low chuckle and my heart skipped a beat.

My beach angel.

“Wha… how?” I rubbed the good side of my head. “How… did you know where to find me?”

“I’m an angel, remember?”

“No, you’re not. But I do think it’s weird you show up at the oddest times.”

“Maybe that means something?”

I lifted a brow. “You’re stalking me?”

His chuckle made me want to grin. “You know that’s not true. I was just calling to see how you were feeling.”

I don’t know why that touched me the way it did. “I’m feeling much better, thank you.”

“No lasting affects? How’s the bump?”

“None at all and it’s going down. Almost gone.”

“You sound like you’re in better spirits.”

“Well, my head doesn’t feel like someone is shoving a screwdriver into it.”

His laugh almost felt infectious. “You sound in even better spirits then you did on the beach.”

I paused at that, memories of our first encounter flashing through my mind. “I was having a bad day.”

“Is that what you’re calling it?”

“That’s not what I’m calling it. That’s what it was.”

“I think it’s a little more than that. Bad days don’t cause people to stop believing in angels.”

“A lot of them do.”

“You’ve been dealt a pretty bad hand, huh?”

I gave a little sigh, not wanting to get into this conversation and end up in tears in my place of business. Glancing around, I leaned over my desk and cleared my throat. “I um… need to go.”

“Yeah, I suppose you do.”

I fingered the silver chain that hung around my neck. “I’m feeling much better though. Thanks for checking on me.”

“Anytime.” He paused a moment. “I’ll see you around.” And then he was gone before I could even respond.

Slowly I replaced the receiver, sinking back into the chair and staring at the phone. My life had gotten weird in just a matter of a week or two; strangers on the beach, Daisy and her dog-friend, first dates again, violent storms with blowing driftwood, concussions and bumps on the head. I wasn’t sure what to make of any of it.

“Morgan!”

I jerked and whirled towards the direction of the voice.

Zoe Houghton, my boss, stood watching me with her hands on a hips and a rather annoyed expression on her face.

“Um… yes?” I pushed myself up from the chair and smoothed down my tailored blouse.

A frown creased her brow. “I have been calling you for the last minute.”

I blinked. “Oh… I… didn’t hear you. I’m sorry.”

“You were too busy trying to stare a hole into that phone.” She nodded her head towards my desk.

The blush crept over my cheeks and I ducked my head. “I apologize. I just… had a weird phone call.”

Zoe watched me a moment and gave a nod. “Come into my office.” Then she turned and her long legs moved her amongst the desks and towards her large corner office.

I shared a look with Anna and followed behind the very business oriented redhead. Zoe could be very strict and completely involved in the agency. It was hers though, built it from the ground up and she would take no hoopla from anyone. She always expected the best of her employees and gave them hardly any room for error. My stomach began to do nervous flips and I racked my brain for anything I may have messed up on. I knew she wasn’t going to yell at me for taking the sick day, and none of my clients had been left hanging. So what had I done wrong?

“Have a seat.” She motioned towards the black leather chairs arranged neatly at her desk.

I gave a little nod and sank into the cool leather, watching as she perched herself expertly in her own chair.

She watched me a moment before speaking. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” I shrugged a shoulder.

“You have a pretty nasty bump on the head. Are you sure?”

“Yes.” I gave a nod and smoothed my skirt. “A doctor checked me out and I haven’t had any complications. I just needed a few days to rest.”

Her vivid green eyes watched me expectantly. “Did you get enough time? I don’t want any of my employees not at their best.”

I would never be at my best again.

“I’m okay. I appreciate your concern, but really I’m okay.”

She finally relaxed back in her chair, crossing her legs. “What was this weird phone call about?”

“Nothing serious. Just… some guy and his prophecies.”

“A Jehovah’s Witness?”

I chuckled low. “Not those kind of prophecies. More the um…ones that just get you thinking about life and stuff.”

“Oh.” She gave a little nod and I don’t think she knew what I meant. I wasn’t even sure I knew what I meant.

Brushing it off, Zoe leaned forward and placed her arms on the desk, hands clasped. “I have to say, Miss Weston, that since you started here I have been very impressed with you. You’ve done a rather superb job with the few houses you’ve shown and I do believe you are the top agent this month.”

My brows lifted. “Seriously? I’ve only… sold two houses.”

“That may be, but you also only had two clients. And … you were able to bring in top dollar.”

“Wow…” I chuckled low, glad I wasn’t getting in trouble. “Well, thank you.”

Zoe matched my smile. “And thank you.” Then her expression went strict again. “But I want you to take the rest of the week off. Head injuries are nothing to mess with and I would feel horrible if something were to happen due to your work schedule.”

“But I’m okay.”

“Then enjoy your week. Work in your garden, get some sun …take a trip.”

I sighed some, knowing I wasn’t going to win against this woman. “Yes ma’am.”

“Thank you.” She stood and took my hand when I got to my own feet. “I shall see you on Monday.”

“Bright and early.”

“Good, now go home and rest.”

I nodded and gave a sigh, exiting her office. The rest of the week off….wonderful. What could I possibly do to fill all that spare time? Maybe I’d learn a new hobby. Rock climbing had always looked interesting. How hard could it be?

I awoke in the middle of the night to a sound. It was faint and I was surprised I even heard it. I sat up and strained my ears, waiting to see if it came again and if I should worry myself. Next to me, Daisy nuzzled my hand and I gently stroked her head, feeling the pulse in my throat speed up as it came again. I couldn’t even describe what it was but the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up. Daisy was clueless and as I quietly slipped from the bed I frowned at her, wondering what had happened to the sixth sense she was supposed to have.

She didn’t move from her spot and I pulled on my thigh-length, powder blue robe telling her to stay put, though I was sure she had no intentions of going anywhere. She didn’t even lift her head. Shaking my head at that, I carefully tiptoed for the door, peeking out and finding the hallway deserted. The sound had come from downstairs and as I edged myself out of the bedroom, it came once more.

I probably should have stayed in the bedroom and called the police, or at least taken a heavy lamp with me. But those thoughts didn’t even cross my mind and as I carefully descended the stairs, my heart pounding in my throat, I wished they had.

He had his back to me, but the familiar outline of his shoulders made my blood grow cold. His unruly blond hair looked like it had the last time I’d seen it and when his scent, a smell I knew inside and out, wafted into my nose… my head began to spin. I gripped the banister so tight my fingers grew white, probably matching the color of my complexion because I was sure the blood had drained from it. I didn’t move, I didn’t blink, I didn’t breathe.

When he turned to face me, my heart dropped to my toes and my knees grew weak. I wanted to scream, to turn and run up the stairs and lock myself in the bedroom. But I couldn’t move; my body felt frozen in place and I could only stare, feeling chill after chill race through me.

“Morgan.”

The sound of his voice brought me to my knees.

“It’s been awhile.”

Tears welled into my eyes and I shook my head, not being able to force out the scream that was building in my chest.

“I’ve missed you.”

His voice, the way he spoke, made my insides ache, but when he took a step towards me I felt fear grip my body.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I can’t hurt you.” He stopped in front of me and crouched to meet my tear filled gaze. “I could never hurt you.”

My cheeks were damp and my heart hurt so badly suddenly. I wanted to grab to him and hold on, to cling to him and beg him not to leave; to never leave me again. But I knew if I reached out, he’d disappear or my fingers would move right through him.

“Oh Morgan…” his tone was full of sorrow. “Don’t cry, please, baby.” His fingers brushed my cheek and this little jolt moved through me.

I shook my head, not able to find my voice.

“I’m right here, baby.” His hand moved down and he placed his palm over my chest, right over my heart.

The warmth that filled me was unexplainable. It soothed through my veins and I could relax, a sob finally escaping around the lump in my throat.

“I… I… I’m so s…sorry…” I blubbered out.

“For what?” Those emerald eyes were so full of love and I wanted to throw myself into his arms.

“E…e…everything….”

“No.” He laced his fingers through mine. “Don’t apologize for living your life.”

I shook my head, feeling my heart breaking all over again. “I… I’m not…li…living… I ..can’t.”

“Yes you can.” He drew my knuckles to his mouth, brushing his lips so barely over them. “I want you to.”

“N…no..” I could barely manage it out between my sobs.

“Yes, Morgan.” He gave my hand a squeeze, his warmth filling me completely. “I want you to be happy.”

I felt broken. “I…I can’t…”

“You can.” He released me and a cold chill ran down my spine.

“No!” I grabbed for him but he was suddenly out of my reach.

“Go be happy.”

I shook my head, my shoulders racking with sobs.

“Live your life.”

I tried to stand, pulling myself up with the banister. “D…don’t go…” All the warmth was slowly trickling out and I didn’t want to be left with icy chills.

He seemed to be fading away, his voice echoing. “You’re still here. Don’t pretend you’re not.”

I took a step, giving a strangled ‘No’ as he began to dissipate.

“Live, Morgan.” His words filled my ears and I crumbled to the ground, my head in my hands, more tears taking over.

He was gone. And I was cold again.

The tears on my cheeks woke me. I reached a hand up and wiped at them but they continued to flow from my eyes. Slowly, I sat up and grabbed tissues from my nightstand, wiping the dampness away. The dream had been so real, so vivid and emotional. I wondered for half a second if it really had happened. Then I remembered I didn’t believe in ghosts.

Daisy chose that moment to stick her head in my face and lick at my cheeks.

I frowned and pushed her away. “Daisy, down.”

She obliged, but not before giving a small whine of protest.

I sighed and cleared my throat, staring at the bawled tissues in my hand. Had that really been a dream? It felt too realistic to be one … but dead people did not just appear in your house. What else could it have been? Maybe I was losing my mind.

With a heavy sigh, I settled down more into the bed, gently rubbing Daisy’s head as she curled up beside me. The whole thing had left me rather troubled and I didn’t know if I could go back to sleep. I was afraid I’d be greeted with images of Hugh’s face, feel his warmth and smell his aftershave. Seeing him like that, hearing him tell me to move on …it shook me to my core and I was left feeling more alone then I ever had before. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than daylight.

~*~*~*~*~

The bell echoed on the other side of the door, filling the house with its melodious chimes. I glanced around and waited, watching the drizzling rain. It was going to be one of those days; the kind where you just wanted to curl up on the sofa with a good book, or sleep the day away. I, however, was not sleeping anytime soon. I probably did not sleep more than a couple hours after the haunting dream. Every time I closed my eyes, Hugh’s face would be right there. I finally abandoned the bed at 7am. Now three cups of coffee and a hot shower later I was standing on Dianna’s doorstep, hoping she was home.

“Morgan?”

My friend’s voice broke through my thoughts and I turned to face her.

Her eyes widened as she took in my disheveled appearance and the bags under my eyes. “What’s wrong? Come in.” She quickly ushered me inside and closed the door, touching my arm through the long sleeve shirt I wore. “You’re freezing. Here, come into the living room.”

I allowed her to lead me over to the oversized couch and sank down.

She pulled a red fleece blanket from the back and wrapped it around me securely. “Are you sick?”

“No…” I shivered and huddled beneath the cover.

“Then what’s wrong? What happened? You look like you haven’t slept a wink.”

“I haven’t.”

“Why not?” She pressed the back of her hand to my forehead to feel for a fever.

“I had another dream.”

Dianna’s dark eyes looked into my clear ones. “And it kept you up all night?”

“Yeah.”

“For Pete’s sake.” Finally she settled herself down next to me. “Tell me what they’re about, Morgan.”

I wiped my hands over my face, rubbing my bleary eyes. “This was a new one.”

“Another one?”

“Yeah…” I tucked my arms back under the blanket. “… And … I’m scared, Dianna.”

Her expression softened. “Scared of what, hon?”

Of Hugh appearing in my living room. That sounded like crazy talk. “I .. I don’t know.”

She reached over and rubbed my arm in the same way a mother would her child’s. “What happened in your dream?”

I studied the intricate patterns on the blanket. “I … saw Hugh.” His name caused a lump to form in my throat.

“In your dream?”

I nodded.

“Well, what’s so horrible about that?”

“It’s… I…” I sighed and pushed some hair from my face. “He… was in my house. It felt so real.” Tears dotted my eyes.

“Some dreams can feel like that.”

“Do… you think … it was really him?”

Her brows lifted. “Like… a vision?”

I nodded and she blew a puff of air between her lips.

“That’s quite possible. People have experienced those before.”

I turned my eyes to her, looking as lost as I felt. “Do you think that was what it was?”

“Well, what did he tell you?”

“To…. keep living. He told me not to pretend I wasn’t alive.”

“Maybe.” She tucked the blanket a little tighter around me. “Or maybe that was your subconscious talking to you.”

“In the other one… someone is after me.”

Her brows furrow. “Who?”

My slender shoulders shrugged beneath the fleece cover. “I dunno … I never see them. But I know they’re horrible; the most absolute evil. And they want to kill me.”

“What happens?” She gently urged me on.

“They…catch me and ….choke me. And I always wake up just before I die.” I looked up from the blanket. “A couple weeks ago I started fighting back.”

“You never did before?”

“No.”

I could feel her eyes studying me and she’s quiet for a long moment. Normally her scrutiny would bother me, but I’m just so exhausted physically and mentally I don’t care.

Finally she shifted and tucked one leg up under her before speaking. “Dreams are a way our subconscious communicates with us. Maybe you’re more ready to start living again than you realize. I do think you want to be happy again.”

“I want Hugh.”

“A part of you will always want him. But you won’t always need him.”

I decided to change the subject. “Do you believe in angels?”

“Like, heavenly hosts from above?”

“Right.”

“Absolutely.”

“Can humans see them?”

Dianna tilted her head. “Only if they want us to.”

“Do they have tattoos?”

Her brow creased. “What?”

I sighed and shifted under the blanket. “Remember that guy I told you about…the one who called the doctor for me when I hit my head?”

She nodded and I continued.

“He has tattoos on his hands.” A shrug. “Well, he may have them in other places but I couldn’t tell.”

“You think he’s an angel?”

I hesitated, mulling that over in my head. “If I believed in them, I would. He was out in a raging storm just as I was being rendered unconscious.”

“Oh my God, you were knocked out?” She sat up and gaped at me.

Oops. I forgot I hadn’t told her that little part. “Maybe just a little.”

“Just a little? Morgan!” Her dark eyes flashed.

“Okay, so a lot. He saw me go down and then Daisy led him to my place. He put me in bed, called the doctor and gave me some Tylenol. Then he left.”

“He left you?! With a concussion?!” She looked rather upset.

“Only when I promised to call someone.”

I think she wanted to shake me, or smack me. “But you didn’t.”

“No….” I sighed and reached a hand up, rubbing my forehead. “Look, what’s done is done.”

“I know that.”

I looked her way and met her gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you. But I’m okay.”

“Yeah…” She studied me a moment. “So what makes you think he’s an angel?”

I wasn’t going to argue the semantics. “Well… if I believed in them, it’d probably be because…he always has this way of appearing, at the oddest times.”

“You’ve seen him before?” She sounded incredulous.

“Just once. Then he called me yesterday at work.”

“Who is he?”

I could only shake my head. “I have no idea. I wasn’t even going to tell you about him because the whole thing is just…so strange. I don’t even know what to make of it.”

I could tell Dianna was baffled. “And you don’t know his name?”

“No,” I looked her way again. “I never think to ask it until he’s gone. He just…” I searched for the words. “…appears. And then he’s gone.”

“Well,” she shrugged a little. “Maybe he is your angel.”

I made a little face. “They don’t exist.”

My friend reached over and rubbed my arm. “Just because you don’t think something exists doesn’t mean it’s not really there.”

I peeked my eyes her way, scowling a little bit at her statement. “Maybe I don’t want it to exist.”

“Maybe you’re just afraid to let it.”

That struck a chord and I was back to studying the patterns splashed across the blanket.

I got flowers Thursday. Nothing big, just a small bouquet of yellow daisies mixed with baby’s breath, but they were beautiful; bright yellow petals, brilliant green stems and a scent that filled the room. There wasn’t a card though and the delivery man assured me he had the right person. I thanked him and then set them in the middle of the kitchen table. It was odd they hadn’t come with a card, but maybe the sender had just forgotten, or thought the company was including one. Maybe it had fallen off in the back of the delivery van.

It had been a long while since I’d received flowers that had nothing to do with funerals and sympathy greetings. Andrew, Anna, Zoe, Dianna. The different names ran through my head as possible senders and I finally gave up trying to figure it out. I’d mention it with each one and see what they had to say. After all, none of them had any reason to hide it. Speaking of Andrew, I checked my watch and headed from the kitchen towards the backyard. I needed to bring Daisy inside and hit the road. It would take me about half an hour to get downtown and to his office. We still had our friendly lunch date.

I actually felt rested that morning. Dianna had given me a couple Ambien CR and I’d taken one last night. The sleeping pill had kept me from waking even once, and had chased all nightmares, or Hugh filled dreams away. Instead, I’d been left with a very peaceful sleep and woke refreshed and ready to face the day. She had suggested, as I was standing on the porch ready to head out, that if they worked for me, I should visit my doctor and get my own prescription. I may just do that, I hadn’t felt this good in the mornings in a long time.

After collecting my dog and making sure she had enough chew toys to keep her occupied, I was out the door. My dark blue Saturn Aura got me safely to my location and Andrew was soon heading from his office, a warm smile on his face as he greeted me.

“It’s good to see you again.” His large hand swallowed mine as he took it and gave it a gentle squeeze.

I couldn’t help but smile. “You too. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Oh, it’s my pleasure.” He motioned us to walk and we made our way towards the elevators. “So, how have you been?”

I gave a little shrug. “Well, my boss gave me the week off to recuperate from the bump on my head.”

“Oh, that’s right; the infamous bump.” His azure eyes looked me over slowly, lingering on the still visible knot hidden beneath my hair. “You can hardly see a thing.”

“You’re too kind, but thank you.”

“It’s the truth.” He ushered me into the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. “I hope you’re hungry. Le Clare has some of the best dishes in the city. And just the right proportions for lunch.”

“Sounds wonderful.” I fiddled with the clutch handbag in my hands.

“It really is. You’ll have to try the Madeleine. It’s marvelous.”

I gave a little nod and we made small talk as we headed from the elevator and out of the building.

The restaurant was only a block away and soon we were seated at a little table, tucked away in the corner, surrounded by brilliantly colored paintings of the French countryside.

I took in the ambience, feeling comfortable, and thanked the server as she brought our drinks and gave the specials.

“So what’s good here?” I scanned the lunch menu, not sure if I even knew what some of the words were; luckily the descriptions were in English.

Andrew glanced to me over the top of his menu. “Well, are you in the mood for chicken, beef, fish or duck?”

I blinked. “They have duck?”

“It’s duck liver.”

“Oh...no.” I quickly shook my head. “Chicken’s good.”

He chuckled and pointed out a few things I might like and I decided on the Coq Au Vin; a chicken cooked in red wine sauce.

Andrew ordered something I could not even try to pronounce and soon we were left facing each other, a basket of bread sitting to the side.

I helped myself to a piece, buttering it and watching as it melted into the toasted bread. “I got flowers today.”

He was buttering his own bread. “Oh?”

“Yeah, daisies.”

“Yellow or white?”

“Yellow.” I set the knife down and watched him. “I don’t know who they’re from though.”

His dark brows lifted. “How come?”

“There was no card.”

“Ooh.” He gave a nod. “Maybe it was an oversight.”

“Probably.” I cut my piece in two then selected a half. “I may call the florist when I get home and see if they know anything.”

He gave a little nod. “What’s your favorite flower?”

“Lilacs.”

“Really? Most women say roses.”

I chuckled. “Roses are nice, yes …but Lilacs are so beautiful and their smell is like heaven.”

“They do have a nice fragrance.”

I bit into my bread and watched him. “What’s your favorite flower?”

“Do guys have those?”

“I’m sure there’s a kind you do like.”

He nodded and tilted his head, his brow creasing in thought. “Tulips. Yes, tulips. They’re different and bright.”

“Tulips are nice.”

He sent me a warm smile. “You seem to be more relaxed today.”

I blushed a little. “Well, I am. The other night was a first date, and this is just…” I glanced around the room then back to him. “…just a lunch.”

He gave a solemn nod and chewed his bread before speaking again. “You’re not really looking for anything, are you?”

Oh boy, wasn’t it a little early to have this kind of conversation? What happened to just being friends? “I…no,” I shook my head. “I’m not.”

Andrew accepted that and didn’t bring it up again until we had been served our main course and the server had left us alone.

“Dianna made it seem like you were.”

I glanced over at him from where I was cutting the steaming chicken. “She did?”

“Yeah,” He began to prepare his own meal. “She said she had a friend she wanted me to meet. Said I’d really like her and that she thought she’d really like me. Thought we’d hit it off.”

“Well, sometimes Dianna gets over excited.”

Andrew chuckled and I relaxed some; he didn’t seem angry. “That’s very true.”

I busied myself with cutting the tender meat into bites I could eat. “I’ve had… a really, really hard past couple of years. It’s really done a number on me and …” I trailed off, not sure if I wanted to get into all that, or even admit I was damaged.

“Hey,” he held a hand up. “No explanation necessary.”

His eyes soothed me and I sent him a grateful smile. “I think ‘just a lunch’ is exactly what I need right now. If….if that’s okay with you.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled from the smile he sent me. “It’s perfectly fine with me.”

That made me feel a whole lot better and I just watched him. “Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me at the moment.”

“Well, you’re very welcome.” He reached over and touched my arm. “Though this does mean that now you’re stuck having a lot of ‘just a lunches’ with me.”

I gave a soft laugh and brushed some hair from my face. “I can handle that.”

And I could.

~*~*~*~*~

After lunch I spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall. I bought a few new business suits for work, a cute party dress that I had no idea when I’d even wear, but it was just too cute to pass up, and some jeans and regular tops. Retail therapy was one of the most therapeutic kinds and whenever I had something on my mind, or felt a little down and out, I’d hit up the mall. Probably not one of the best decisions, but a new purse or bracelet or shoes always made me feel better.

On the way home I stopped by this cozy little diner that had some of the best cherry pie I’d ever tasted. I got a BLT, some fries and a slice of pie to go, then made my way merrily along towards home. The sun was beginning to set as I pulled into my driveway and parked in the garage. Brilliant streaks of red, orange, pink and purple were painted across the sky and I decided to eat out on the patio, enjoy the view and watch the sun set slowly over the water. Leaving all my bags in the car to collect later, I took my food into the house where Daisy greeted me and nearly knocked it from my hands.

“Calm down.” I chuckled and set it to the side before crouching down and paying her attention. She loved on me and I scratched behind her ears, ruffling her fur and talking softly to her.

After she had her share, she trotted off to the patio doors, giving a little bark.

“I know, you have to potty.” I crossed the room and undid the latch, sliding the door open.

She took off across the yard, barking adamantly and I frowned. That was unlike my dog. Was there a seagull in the backyard?

As I stepped out onto the back patio I realized she was probably running off to meet her lover boy again. “Daisy!” I hollered after her, starting from the slate gray stone and into the grassy yard, but something about twenty feet out in the grass made me slow.

At first it appeared to be a mound of brown, black and white, but then I realized that mound was fur…and the fur belonged to a dog. As I drew closer I recognized the fallen animal; Bernie.

Daisy had recognized him as well, for she had stopped and was pawing at him, nudging him and barking as if saying ‘hey, what’s wrong with you? Get up and let’s go play.’.

But her male companion didn’t respond, not even so much as to wag a tail.

I felt a twinge of worry in my chest as I knelt down by him, gently touching his head.

At first I thought he was dead, but when he felt my hand he gave a weak attempt to lift his head.

I frowned and smoothed his fur. “Shh, it’s okay. Don’t move.” Like he could understand me, though he seemed to be for he settled down again, his eyes closed and his chest rising very faintly from his breath.

Something was terribly wrong with this dog. Alarm rang through me and when I heard the whimper he gave, I knew I needed to do something.

Jumping to my feet, I told Daisy to stay put and made a beeline for the house. I hurried to the closet and pulled out a large sheet, shaking it open as I dashed back outside and to his side.

Dropping to my knees, I laid the sheet onto the grass then I managed to carefully lift Bernie onto it. I did a quick once over for any signs of injuries, but there didn’t seem to be any. That worried me more, which meant whatever was hurting him was internal and something serious.

Wrapping the sheet around him, I managed to lift him into my arms and then started for the house. Daisy stayed at my side, watching me and looking like she wanted to climb into my embrace as well. I kept her from getting underfoot and tripping us then got Bernie safely to the garage and into the backseat of my car. Daisy slipped in before I could shoo her away and I knew there was no way I could get her back out. I told her to behave, then ran back into the house and gathered my purse and keys.

Once I was back in the car, I managed to get the phone number off Bernie’s collar, then buckled and backed from the drive. I punched it into my cell then hit send, steering my Saturn down the road and heading for the all-hours veterinarian hospital.

The phone rang three times before a male voice answered. “Hello?”

I kept my eyes on the road, glancing every so often at the rearview mirror and Bernie in the back, Daisy next to him. “Um… hi. You don’t know me, but um… I found your dog passed out in my backyard. He doesn’t look to be doing too well, so I’m taking him over to the animal hospital off Vineland. Do you know where that is?”

There was a pause and I sent a quick look to the phone, making sure I had dialed the correct number. “Um, hello?”

“I… I’m here.” The voice came back. “Which… dog?”

“Uh, his tag said Bernie.”

“And he was passed out in your yard?”

I nodded and took a left at a green light. “Yes, not really responding. So I wrapped him in a sheet and we’re on our way to that animal hospital. Do you know where it is?”

“I do. I’ll meet you there. Thank you.”

I opened my mouth to respond then realized he’d already hung up.

Tossing my phone into the passenger seat, I gripped the wheel with both hands and slowed for a stop sign. Bernie was still not moving and I began to silently pray that he would be okay. I didn’t want to have to tell this guy that his dog died. Or was dying.

A few moments later I pulled into the parking lot and claimed a spot. I cut the engine and clambered from the car, managing to ease Bernie out without knocking his head into the door. Then with Daisy following, I got him inside and passed him over to the nurse behind the desk. She whisked him off and I sank down into one of the orange vinyl chairs to wait; Daisy resting at my feet.

The receptionist wanted me to fill out papers, but I told her he wasn’t mine; I’d found him in our backyard and the owner should be coming shortly. She didn’t seem happy that they didn’t know any information about the dog, but she set the clipboard aside and resumed whatever filing she was doing.

I chewed my thumbnail and glanced to the large clock over the doorway, hopefully it wouldn’t take this guy very long. And then I began to hope that he wouldn’t take any of his anger or frustrations over the situation out on me.

Daisy’s collar clinked against the cement floor as she shifted and I looked down to her, leaning over some and smoothing her fur. “I know you’re worried. I am too.”

She leaned into my touch, those big eyes watching me with the saddest expression.

“If he gets through this, I promise you’ll get to see him more often.”

That seemed to satisfy her for she settled down against the ground again, watching towards the direction they’d disappeared with Bernie.

It wasn’t but a few minutes more before the bell above the door jingled and someone stepped into the building. I glanced over, expecting to see Bernie’s owner, but felt my heart skip a beat instead.

My angel stood there; a rather unreadable expression on his face.

Our eyes locked and I felt that twinge in my chest.

“Well, this is a surprise.” His voice sent chills down my spine and my back stiffened.

“I…” I was speechless. Was Bernie his dog? Or was he just…here? He did have a way of showing up at random times.

“I thought that was you on the phone.”

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. “B..Bernie?”

“Yeah, he’s my dog.”

I was floored. “They uh….um…”

He gave a low chuckle and something told me he’d look more amused had he not been so worried about his dog. “Sit tight, I’ll be right back.” Then he strolled over to the reception desk.

I watched as he conversed with the receptionist then took a moment to fill the clipboard out, nodding as she picked up the phone and made a call. He waited until she was finished and they spoke, keeping their voices low so they wouldn’t be overheard.

At my feet, Daisy nudged my leg and I glanced down to her. “This is a weird day.”

She gave a little whine in response and rose to her feet, shaking her body before settling onto the ground once more.

“They’re running some tests on him.”

His voice was at my side and I jerked, looking over and feeling a warmth spread through my chest as our eyes met again. I blinked and shook it away, clearing my throat some. “Uh… I… I’m sorry.”

He gave a shrug, relaxing back in the chair and stretching his legs out. “Don’t be. I’m just glad you brought him here.”

So he was totally human. I was right, there were no such things as angels. “Well of course, I was worried.”

He gave a nod and looked to where Daisy was sniffing at his jeans. “Well, hello again.” Reaching a hand out, he stroked her head, chuckling as she tried to lick his fingers. “You’re a friendly girl, aren’t you?”

“Too friendly.” A beat. “She thinks your dog is her boyfriend.”

“Really?” He glanced to me then back to the chocolate lab. “I kinda thought he might be sneaking down to the beach to meet a girl.”

I gave a little nod. “Yeah, the past couple weeks they’ve been cavorting in the sand. You should have seen how worried she was when we found Bernie lying in my yard. She refused to leave his side once.”

“They sound pretty serious, huh?”

I nodded and tucked some blonde hair behind my ear. “Seems that way.”

He was quiet and I could feel his eyes on me; they were making the pulse in my neck throb. I couldn’t look at him, I was afraid of how his gaze would cause me to unravel. Instead, I stroked Daisy’s flank, managing to get her to sit back on her hunches and stop trying to love on the man next to me.

“I guess you’ve figured me out.”

He sounded as smooth as silk and sex. I pretended not to notice. “Hm?”

“I’m not an angel.”

I smoothed my fingers over Daisy’s ear, keeping my eyes on her. “I know.”

He was silent for just a few moments. “Ya know, ever since we met I’ve been trying to figure you out.”

This time I allowed our eyes to meet. “Why?”

“Because you intrigue me.”

A line creased my forehead. “Why?”

“I don’t have an answer for that yet. But I think if we keep having these encounters I’ll start to figure something out.”

I really didn’t know what to respond to that with and was grateful when a tall man with salt n’ pepper hair and wire rimmed glasses, wearing a white lab coat, appeared with a clipboard. He asked for the owner of the dog and my companion rose to his feet. They moved off to the side and I looked back to Daisy, wondering if we should go.

Something inside told me to stay.

“He thinks Bernie has cancer.”

I blinked and looked back to the gentleman as he sank next to me once more. “What?”

He gave a nod and ran a hand over his face before pinching the bridge of his nose.

I had never realized how good looking he was. Long, dark lashes framed his expressive eyes, his skin was a golden tanned color, the way his clothes hung on him accentuated his toned arms and chest, and his scent was spicy, with just the slightest hint of something more. I bit my cheek as I realized I was checking him out, and then mentally scolded myself.

“What um… why do they think he has cancer?” I forced myself to pay attention to the matter at hand.

“They found some tumors on the bones in his ribs. They won’t know for sure until they get the test results back, but the chances are good that it’s …bone cancer. I don’t remember the words he used.”

I felt my stomach twist. “God, I’m … I’m so sorry.”

He gave a little shrug, his eyes staring off in the distance.

I wanted to reach over and touch him, offer some kind of comfort. “Maybe… they’ve caught it in time.”

Those brown eyes flickered at me. “There were a lot of tumors.”

“Oh God.”

He gave a heavy sigh and seemed to be deep in thought. Finally he turned back to me. “Thank you for um…bringing him here, but you can go. I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

Something stirred inside of me and I reached over, lacing our fingers together. His hand was warm and surprisingly soft, and very much real. “I don’t have anywhere to be.”

He blinked and watched me, slightly surprised. “Are…you sure?”

I studied him, recognizing the sadness and fear in his eyes. “Absolutely.”

I still didn’t know his name, and I didn’t care. He needed someone, and I needed something to believe in again.

Hours later I lay stretched out in a lounge chair on my balcony, just staring out into the night and hearing the waves crash upon the shore. Daisy was at my feet, curled into a ball, dozing. I watched her for a moment, thinking over how I’d feel if Daisy got cancer. I’d be scared to death. More so because I’d already lost a husband, I didn’t want to lose the only other precious thing I had left. Maybe that’s why I related to my beach angel so easily.

We had stayed, sitting in those chairs, neither speaking until they had brought Bernie back out. He was still wrapped in my sheet and I felt tears prick my eyes at how helpless he looked.

My forlorn companion had accepted him in his embrace and talked softly to him, promising lots of yummy treats and new toys, then together we’d headed for our vehicles.

I reached my Saturn first, and Daisy whined as I forced her into the car. She wanted to stay with Bernie.

I wasn’t sure what to say as I turned and faced him, reading the expression of hopelessness that covered his face. So I simply said if he needed anything, he knew where to find me.

He thanked me and I watched as he continued on towards his SUV. Then I slipped into my vehicle and was on my way.

Daisy watched out the back window the entire way home. Then she moped around, barely touching her dinner and curling up with me as I stretched out on the balcony.

I watched her then turned my attention back overhead, taking in the twinkling stars. One shot across the sky and I closed my eyes, making a wish.

Please heal Bernie.

It was simple yet it surprised me, and then I realized that I didn’t want anyone to ever have to go through what I had. A dog was nothing like another human, but the loss could be devastating.

Sitting up some, I reached over and grabbed my phone, dialing a number then holding it to my ear.

“Hello?” I was greeted with a sleepy voice.

“His dog is dying.”

“Wha…Morgan?”

I glanced towards the receiver. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”

“Yes.” Dianna replied. “What time is it?”

“Like midnight I think. I’m sorry … I can let you go.”

“Well, I’m awake now. What’s up? Who’s dying?”

“His dog.”

“Whose dog?”

“Remember that guy I told you about…”

There was a pause. “The angel?”

“He’s not an angel and yes. Bernie is his dog.”

“Who the hell is Bernie?” She was so confused.

“His dog. Daisy’s dog-friend.” I explained, reaching and touching her head as she stirred a little.

“Daisy’s dog-friend is your angel’s dog? What a small world.”

“He’s not an angel.”

“How do you know?”

I sighed and pushed some hair from my face. “He’s as human as you and me.”

“Not all angels are spiritual ones. Some are very human.”

I ignored her. “Bernie has cancer.”

“Dogs can get cancer?”

“Yes. The vet found a lot of tumors and he’s running tests on them. The results should come back tomorrow.”

“Today.”

“What?”

“The results should come back today. It’s already tomorrow.”

My brow furrowed. “Are you trying to confuse me?”

She gave a sigh. “So, how did you find out about this?”

So I relayed my tale, starting with finding Bernie passed out in the yard, and ending with how Daisy was handling the situation.

Dianna listened without saying a word until I had finished.

“And you still don’t know his name?”

I blinked, caught off guard by that random question. “Uh…” Then it dawned on me that neither of us had introduced ourselves. In fact, we had hardly spoken after I had taken his hand and told him I wasn’t leaving. Words just hadn’t seemed right.

“I really need to meet this guy.”

I lifted a brow. “Why?”

“Well, either he’s so damn hot that you are rendered speechless each time, hence the forgetting to get his name. Or, every time he’s around, you go mute.”

I frowned. “I don’t go speechless or mute. It just…never comes up.”

“Maybe so.” She gave a yawn and I found myself echoing it. “So his dog is dying? That’s pretty sad.”

“Yeah it is…” I sighed and tugged my shirt down some. “I didn’t know what to say. Things like ‘it’ll be okay’ or ‘things get better’ are not something you want to hear when you’re going through something like that.”

“Sometimes just knowing someone is there with you is enough.”

I gave a little nod. “Right. I think it helped that I stayed with him.”

“Did you at least get his number?”

I eyed the phone, already seeing the wheels turning in her head. “Do not even take it there.”

“Where?”

“You know where.”

“Morgan,” Dianna chuckled low. “I was merely asking so you could call and check on the dog. He is Daisy’s dog-friend. You’re the one who went there with it.”

“I did not go anywhere.”

She chuckled again. “I think sometimes life has a way of working everything out on its own time.”

I think I wanted to knock her in the head with the phone. “Go back to bed, you’re talking gibberish.”

“Mmkay.” She sounded so amused.

I frowned. “Go to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Today.”

“What?”

“It’s already tomorrow.”

I just shook my head. “Good-night, Dianna.” Then I clicked the phone off and tossed it into the chair next to mine.

Whatever she had been implying, or not implying, made me frown. I didn’t even know the guy, how could there be any feelings there? He could be a serious nut job, or a psychopathic killer. Hell, I didn’t even know his name. How could she even begin to think that there was anything more than acquaintances and compassion for his situation involved?

I rolled my eyes at what she had brought up and pushed myself from the chair, Daisy lifting her head to watch me. Grabbing up the phone, I started back into the house with it. Whatever Dianna had been not suggesting was suddenly filling my head. I tried to push it away but it fought back and with a frown I fell backwards across my bed. We were nothing more than two people who happened to meet and share a sad encounter. He had needed someone, and not wanting him to feel alone like I felt, I had been that someone.

But something in the back of my head told me I was the one speaking gibberish.

~*~*~*~*~

Friday morning I went for a long run. Put my ipod into the athletic clip and strapped it to my arm, then tied on my tennis shoes and was out the door. Usually I took to the roads, but today I decided to run along the beach. Sometimes, when something was bothering me I’d just run. For some reason it helped to purge me and cleanse my soul. My feet pounding hard on the pavement, my chest heaving, the sound of my heart thudding in my ears; it was all soothing to me. And I’d come back feeling somewhat better.

I didn’t run for a long time after Hugh died. I didn’t have the energy, desire or need. My father had told me one time, after I’d settled in California, that I was still running, just not in the same sense. I had locked his words in the very farthest box in my mind. But that morning as the sun beat down on me, and my feet kicked up some of the hard packed sand, I wondered if maybe he was right. Had I run from Connecticut, my family, my entire life? I had only been trying to start over. And I didn’t want to be reminded of my dead husband every day, or have to continuously answer question upon question about how I was feeling or how I was coping, or how things were going. The six long months I did endure them had been excruciatingly painful.

A month ago I’d started running again. I’d woken up and had the sudden urge to dig out my cross trainers and get out there. Of course I didn’t get as far as I used to be able to. But now I was back to running three times a week and it was getting easier. I usually tried to get it in before work, but a few times I had to go in the early evening. Dianna went with me one time, then swore never again.

But that Friday, despite the diminishing lump on my forehead, I was at it again. As I ran, keeping my breathing even and my abs tucked in, I thought about my clientele and hoped they hadn’t minded when Zoe had called to reschedule my appointments for next week. I hadn’t gotten a phone call, so I assumed things were okay. I was supposed to show a house that afternoon, but now my calendar was wide open and I had nothing to do. I could take Daisy to the park, or I could go bother Dianna. I could meet up with Anna for lunch. I could clean my house, go grocery shopping, lie on the beach and tan. Zoe mentioned a vacation; I could drive up the coast.

I still hadn’t made my mind up when I returned home. Maybe I’d just watch TV all day or something.

Daisy greeted me as I headed into my house, and I left the sliding door open for her. She trotted out to do her business and I swiped a bottled water from the fridge, taking a long drink. Glancing to the time, I headed for the stairs and up them to get a shower and get dressed.

Thirty minutes later I came down the stairs to find Dixon Giles in my living room. He was standing at the fireplace looking over the pictures I had on the mantle.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

He whirled around upon hearing me, a guilty look covering his face. “Hey, sorry… um…your backdoor was open so I just kinda…slipped in.”

I frowned at him; he’d nearly given me a heart attack. “Have you not heard of using the bell?”

“I did. But when you didn’t respond, I became worried.”

“Well, did it occur to you that maybe I was busy?”

He shrugged like it hadn’t. “I was worried. You have a head injury, what if you were splayed out across the floor?”

I wasn’t going to argue with him. “Please don’t just come into my house again.” Crossing the room, I whistled for Daisy and watched as she trotted back in, eyeing Dixon all warily. Where the hell had she been when he’d first come into the backyard? Probably looking for lover boy; Daisy was no watchdog.

“Alright, I won’t. I apologize.” He watched the dog uneasily and I almost smirked.

“Thank you.” I rested my hands on my hips. “So what can I help you with?” The sooner this sleezeball left my house, the better.

“I was just stopping by to see how you were doing. We all miss you.”

I shrugged. “I’m doing okay. Tell everyone I miss them too.”

He gave a little nod. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I’m good, but thanks.” I was waiting for him to lunge at me or something.

Dixon gave a little nod then glanced towards the fireplace. “So … I didn’t know you were married.”

I felt my breath catch. “Excuse me?”

He motioned towards the pictures neatly arranged on the mantle. “Your wedding photo.”

“That’s…you…. It….” I frowned. “You… should go; you’re going to be late.”

His dark eyes blinked slowly. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

I ignored him and headed for the front door, undoing the locks.

“Oh, I get it.” His tone became cynical. “A divorce, but you just can’t let go yet.”

In a flash, I whirled and stalked to him, my eyes blazing. “Shut up! You know nothing about me!”

He didn’t even bat an eye. “Such a shame. That’s so unhealthy, you know. I bet he’s remarried and every-”

But I cut him off when my palm connected sharply with his cheek, sending a crack through the room. “Get out! Get out of my house!”

Dixon grabbed his cheek, a red spot immediately appearing. “Fuck! You need to calm down.”

I yanked the door open. “Don’t tell me to calm down. Get out of my house.”

He frowned at me then moved past me and out onto the stoop. “You’re acting like a crazy bitch.”

I just glared at him, swinging the door shut so hard it caused the wall to shake.

He had some nerve. To come into this house without permission, look through my personal belongings then make rash judgments about things. And his attitude had shown his true personality. I always knew he was a sleaze. He should have been lucky the only thing I did was slap him when it fact, I wanted nothing more than to tear his hair out. If we ran into each other at work, he better watch out.

It wasn’t until I had locked the door again before I realized I was trembling.

Daisy nudged me leg and I glanced to her.

“What is it, girl?”

She moved past me and back to the living room, standing by the open patio door.

“Heh, yeah we need to close that.” I joined her then went about sliding the door shut and getting it locked. “The last thing we need is that asshole trying to come back in.”

She barked a response and for a moment I really thought she understood. Rather she did or not, she knew he was bad news and wanted him to stay out as well.

Least we agreed on that.

~*~*~*~*~

I got ready for bed relatively early. After Dixon had been kicked out, I’d ended up cleaning the house top to bottom. I’d always heard that when people were angry, they cleaned. And that turned out to be true. By the time I was finished, my shoulders ached, my back was sore, my hands scrubbed raw, but I fell a hell of a lot better. I relaxed in a bath, soothing my muscles and trying to wash the thoughts of the day away. I just wanted to forget about Dixon and his behavior. And make sure I was on my toes when I returned to work on Monday.

The steam from the water filled the bathroom and I rested my head back against the tub, my hair clipped up to keep it from getting wet. This was nice; I loved my bathroom. It was large, with a deep Jacuzzi tub and marble walk-in shower. Little round lights lined the vanity and the mirrors wrapped around, allowing you views from every angle. It was a safe haven and many nights I’d find myself relaxing in a bubble bath, seeking solace from the harsh world.

As I relaxed there, I thought back to the animal hospital. I had told him to call me if he needed anything and I wondered if he would. If he did, what could I even do? There wasn’t anything to say in that situation that they would even care to hear. Just being there was enough, Dianna had said. I could try that, but it might be a little awkward considering I didn’t know him. What was I even thinking; he had his own friends and people who could be there for him. He had only needed someone last night and I had filled in.

I pushed him, his dog, and the whole situation out of my head.

Three more weeks would be the second anniversary of Hugh’s death. I still wasn’t feeling any better than I had a year ago. As I swirled my toes in the water, I wondered what life would be like today if he were still here.

We’d be living in Connecticut, and he’d shovel the drive every time it snowed. By now we would have probably added to our family; a little boy, or girl, with his charming smile and my beautiful blue eyes. And on the weekends we’d all go to the zoo, or the park. I wondered how many children we would have had, where we’d have gone on our summer vacations. What kind of father he would have been…what kind of mother I would have been. Then I wondered if I’d ever have children. Or was I going to be alone the rest of my life?

And in the warmth of the bathroom, I felt a chill move through me.

I didn’t see my mysterious beach angel again until Sunday. I spent the afternoon with Anna and her family. She made pot roast with roasted potatoes and carrots and then we just relaxed in the living room, discussing the different current events of the world before playing some cards. She was always so relaxing to be around; no pressure to get over what I’m dealing with, no pressure to move on with my life, just me …being myself and feeling how I feel. Her husband, Greg, was probably one of the nicest guys I have ever met. He was so genuine and pleasant, very considerate and always went out of his way to make you feel at ease and welcomed. They had an adorable toddler, Abigail, who looked just like her mother and adored her father.

It was a nice, relaxing afternoon and I decided to stop by the grocery store in the way home. I preferred to get my errands done while I was already out as opposed to having to go out just to do them. That way on my days off, I could just relax and enjoy them. Not have to worry about what bills I needed to mail, or making a list then doing some shopping. I hated grocery shopping. It was so tedious to have to figure out what you wanted to eat that week then walk aisle after aisle deciding which brand was better and what price you wished to pay. Such a hassle for me and so I’d usually end up waiting until the very last minute which of course then meant I’d come home with a car chock full of bags.

But on that warm, Sunday evening, I made the dreaded stop. Fortunately I wasn’t inside for too long, I took my cart and cruised the aisles, selecting the different items before making my way to the checkout. After paying, and loading the bags into my cart, I strolled along towards the exit, stopping just outside to slip on my sunglasses. The sun was very bright that early evening and I didn’t want to have to squint while driving home.

As I slipped my sunglass case back into my purse, something caught my eye and I looked, feeling a chill run down the middle of my chest and straight into my stomach. It was my beach angel; no he wasn’t really an angel, he was just another regular human. But still, there he stood, watching me behind dark shades with a cigarette pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

He stood straighter when our eyes met and flicked some cigarette ash onto the ground. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

That rich voice made my heart beat just a little faster. “I uh… always shop here.”

“So I see.”

“Are you stalking me?”

He took a drag from the cigarette before speaking, plumes of smoke escaping his mouth and nose. “Sure seems that way, doesn’t it. Us always running into each other.”

I shrugged. “Maybe it’s just a coincidence.”

“A very weird coincidence.”

“So you are stalking me.”

“I’m not stalking anyone.” He smashed the butt of his cigarette into one of those trash cans with the ash tray that circled the rim.

I didn’t think he was. “How’s um… Bernie?”

He was now pulling a pack of gum from his pocket. “Doc called me with the results Friday. It’s definitely cancer.”

“Gosh, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He popped a piece of the gum into his mouth before offering me the pack. I just shook my head. “Doc said that it’s treatable and that it’s not usually the cancer that kills dogs. Long as his kidneys and liver don’t start malfunctioning we have a fighting chance.”

“That’s… that’s good news, right?” I was teetering on the edge of either hope or despair.

He gave a nod and repocketed his gum. “It’s better than what I had been expecting. I have this long list of things I have to do now.”

“Well um…” I shifted and rolled the cart back and forth, wanting to tell him everything would be fine, but knowing that is the last thing you are supposed to say. It’s not going to be fine, and it may never be fine again. “I um…I’m sorry and I wish you the best with everything.”

“Thank you.”

He sounded so somber and suddenly I wanted to console him, cradle him and sooth his fear away. “You’re welcome.” I offered a hopeful smile then motioned towards my bags of food. “I’m gonna get going…don’t want to spoil the milk.”

“Right, don’t want that.”

I nodded. “Exactly. I’ll um… see you around.” Then I turned and started for my car, feeling his eyes still on me.

I had only gotten a few feet away when he spoke.

“Have dinner with me.”

I froze, his words registering and causing my heart to leap up into my throat.

“Please.”

Slowly, I turned to face him, seeing he had removed his shades and was watching me with such a raw and honest expression. It made my chest twinge.

“Wednesday night.” He stepped from the sidewalk and onto the black pavement of the parking lot. “Unless you’re busy Wednesday night. I could do Thursday. Even Friday.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at him feeling a pressure welling inside.

He was moving closer to me and those eyes were making my knees knock together. “Maybe even Saturday.”

“Y…wh…I…”

He stopped just a few inches from me, reaching a hand up and gently brushing my cheek with it. “Whichever day works best for you.”

I felt like I could topple over sideways. “Y…you aren’t… you aren’t serious.”

Those allusive eyes bore into mine. “As serious as a heart attack.”

“Well I… um you.. um I um…”

His lips curved into a smile. “Wednesday night it is.” His hand smoothed down my arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll pick you up at seven.” And then he turned and strode towards the entrance of the grocery store without so much as a glance back.

I stared at his retreating form. What the hell had just happened here? I was thoroughly confused and felt my head swimming at trying to wrap it around how this man, whose name I didn’t even know, had talked me into having dinner with him.

The honk from a car jerked me back to my senses and I quickly pushed my cart, and myself, out of the way.

As I loaded my grocery bags into the back of my Aura, I was still trying to figure what exactly had transpired. It had happened so quickly and left me stumbling over myself and unable to comprehend it in time. And now I had this date with this man … and I was still at a complete loss for words.

~*~*~*~*~

On Monday I was back at work. I spent most of the morning and afternoon showing houses. I had three prospective clients. Brandon and Kaitlyn Martin, a newly married couple that had just moved from Arizona; he was an orthopedic surgeon and she was a hair stylist. They were a picturesque couple with their blonde hair and dreamy blue eyes, perfect bodies and complete and total adoration for each other. He wanted her to have the house she’d always dreamed about so we had spent a good three hours touring two perspective locations. They, of course, wanted a couple days to think it over but promised to call before the weekend. One property was a hot commodity so I had let them know, the sooner the better.

Next up were Kyle and Gayle Weatherly. They were a middle aged couple married going on 20 years with two teenage boys and a tween girl. The Weatherly’s were looking for areas with good schools, safe neighborhoods and places not too far from the activities their children liked to participate in. Aaron was a soccer fanatic, trying to gain a scholarship for college, Kevin was working towards his black belt in martial arts and little Melody could bend over backwards and walk on her hands from all her gymnastics training; a very active family that needed a house that represented exactly that. It was trying to find something that fit all of their needs, but I had uncovered one home hidden away in lush foliage with a backyard big enough for a makeshift soccer field. They fell in love immediately and made an offer.

And my final client of the day was Peter Berkins. He was in his mid 50’s and strikingly handsome, with blond hair tinged with steaks of silver, a golden tan; sparkling green eyes and a smile that made him look ten years younger. This was his third home; he already had one in Florida and Colorado. He was single and not looking for anything more than someone to warm his bed at night; a rich playboy who kept the champagne flowing and girls satisfied. He wanted a beach house with big floor to ceiling windows and a deck that would lead you directly down to the beach. He hadn’t been easy to accommodate and after our third beach home, we’d finally called it a day and agreed to try again on Friday.

I was back in the office by four. I filled in the paperwork required and sent over the offer the Weatherly’s had given me. I should have an answer back by Wednesday. They had been very excited and I could tell would probably go a bit higher in their bid if need be. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that. I was pretty sure the current owners would feel satisfied with the offer and accept. Then we’d be in escrow and deal with the bank until finally everyone was approved and they had their home. A tedious process, but very rewarding.

I had signed off my computer account and was straightening up my desk when Zoe Houghton stepped from her office. She wore a crisp, tailored, dark blue suit and her red hair was piled high atop her head. She always moved with finesses and power, and just one look at her and one would definitely know who was in charge. I slipped my files into my desk drawer and closed it, turning the key so the lock slipped into place and watched as she stopped at the head of the room, folding her arms across her chest and clearing her throat.

“I have an announcement.” She finally spoke, her voice ringing clear throughout the room.

All eyes turned towards her, their motions ceasing.

“The National Association of Realtors will be hosting their annual expo in three months, over the last weekend in June. And of course, I would like for this company to have a few representatives there. It’s going to be a four day event and will consist of a variety of conferences and meetings, as well as an opportunity to browse the expo floor and learn about new techniques, new software and much more valuable information.” She paused and gave her words time to register.

“I will be selecting the attendees, but it will be based off of your ratio on how many homes you are able to market and sell to how many clients you have taken on. The top two will be chosen and put up in a hotel; accommodations and meals taken care of. In the event of a tie, then all the winners shall attend. There is one catch though…” She paused and scanned the room over.

A few murmurs sounded, but for the most part all kept quiet waiting to hear what Zoe had to say.

“The conference this year will be in Hawaii.”

Suddenly everyone was talking at once.

“Hawaii?!”

“That’s great!”

“Where do I sign up?”

“I want to go!”

“Count me in!”

Zoe let them converse in excitement for a moment before holding up her hand. “Obviously, not everyone can attend. So I thought the top two sales agents over the next three months should be the ones to represent our firm. It’s only fair and I think it’s going to be a good incentive to sell some houses.” She looked around the room, taking in all the eager and excited faces. “So, good luck. And if you have any questions, I will be posting the information and brochures on the bulletin board. Anything else, just let me know. I’m expecting to see fabulous results.” Then with a final grin, she turned and headed back into her office.

Of course that’s all anyone could talk about for the last couple hours.

Anna stopped by my desk, propping her hip against the mahogany wood. “How exciting is that? Hawaii?!”

I leaned back in my chair, turning my baby blues onto her. “Yeah, it’s very exciting.” Truth be told, I was not that eager to go. Yes, I knew that at the moment I was the top realtor the agency had, but in three months I might not be. And secretly I wished I wouldn’t be. I never wanted to go to Hawaii again.

Hugh and I had honeymooned on the white beaches of the beautiful island state. We’d made love in the surf, gone scuba diving, hiked and toured a volcano in a helicopter. We’d island hopped and gone out on those little glass bottom boats. We swam with dolphins and took lazy walks amongst the wildlife. It was probably the most amazing time I’ve ever had and now all it would do was drudge up more feelings and memories I didn’t want to be having.

“What’s wrong?”

Anna’s voice cut through my reverie and I blinked, focusing on her once more. “Um, nothing.”

“You sure? You looked….a little out of sorts.”

I nodded and sat up again. “Yeah, I’m good.”

She eyed me with a knowing look, but let it drop. “So, rumor has it, you’re the top agent as of right now.”

How had that gotten out? “Really?” I pretended not to know.

“Mhm, apparently Maureen overheard Zoe talking with her secretary.”

“Oh.”

“That’s great, Morgan. Means you have a head start on everybody else. You showed some houses today, right? How’d that go?”

I rubbed the back of my neck and gave a little shrug. “Well, the newlyweds have to think it over, the married with kids couple made an offer and the Hugh Heffner wannabe didn’t like anything. We have another appointment Friday.”

“So that’s one for sure…possibly even two.”

“Unless the offer falls through, or the bank doesn’t accept the loan.”

“I’m sure none of that will happen and you’ll be basking in the warm Hawaiian sun before you know it. Ooh, I wonder who that second person will be.”

“Let’s hope it’s not Dixon.”

“Speaking of which, do you know he’s going around telling people you slapped him?”

My brows shot up. “Really?”

She nodded, her dark hair bobbing. “Yeah, he said he stopped by your place to see how you were doing and you went crazy on him.”

If he were standing here right now I’d go more than crazy on him. “I should have clawed his eyes out.”

Anna took in my frown. “What happened?”

“He showed up out of the blue, let himself into my house and then proceeded to look through my belongings before I found him.”

Anna’s eyes widened as I spoke and she brought a hand to her mouth, obviously shocked.

I nodded my head in affirmation. “He was looking through all the photographs on my mantle.”

“So you slapped him?”

“Not yet. First, I asked what he was doing in my house and how he’d gotten in. It was when he was going on about…” my voice dropped a notch. “…Hugh and how it must have been a divorce I couldn’t let go of… that’s when I slapped him.”

Anna gawked. “He seriously said it was a divorce you couldn’t let go of?”

I nodded, a rather annoyed expression on my face.

“I’m surprised you didn’t kick him in the balls.”

“I didn’t think of that.”

“Geeze, what a bastard.”

“Tell me about it.” A snort. “And now he’s telling people I went crazy on him? I oughta go kick him in the balls right now.”

My friend waved her hand. “While that is something I’m not totally against, I think it’d be much wiser if you just ignored it. Everyone knows Dixon can be all hot air and no one really takes him seriously.”

“I don’t want rumors spread about me.”

She shook her head. “There won’t be. They all know how level headed and rational you are and how slimy he can be. I’m sure they figure he put the moves on you and was turned down; so now he’s telling people you went crazy so he doesn’t look bad.”

I frowned. “Well that doesn’t sound much better.”

“It’ll all blow over in a day or two.” Anna slipped from the desk and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Don’t let it get to you. Don’t let him get to you.”

Yeah, that’s definitely something I was trying not to let happen. “You’re right.” I nodded and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Let’s not talk about this anymore.”

“Sure thing.” My friend merrily chirped as she changed the subject. “So, when you win the trip to Hawaii, are you going to buy a new bathing suit? Ooh, we could go shopping together.”

I chuckled low and tilted my head, deciding to amuse her. “Sure, but on one condition…”

“What’s that?” She lifted a brow.

“You have to go with me.”

Anna chuckled and waved a hand, dismissing my statement. “I already said I would.”

“No,” I laughed. “You have to go to Hawaii. You have to be the second winner.”

“But I-“

“Come on, Anna. Don’t make me go with anyone else…like Dixon.” I chuckled. “He may not make it back in one piece.”

“You’re right. That would not be a good combination.”

I beamed. “You’ll come then?”

She gave a little sigh and seemed to be mulling it over. “I suppose I could. Greg could take the weekend off and we could leave Abi with my parents.”

I rose from my chair, grabbing up my leather-bound bag. “Good. It’s settled then.”

Anna gave a firm nod. “Yes. We’re going to win the contest and go to Hawaii.”

“Right.” I slipped a few folders into my bag before flipping it closed.

“Hawaii, here we come!” She was excited now.

Me? Not so much.

The sand was still warm on my toes as we strolled along the beach. I carried my heeled sandals in one hand and held the skirt of my dress up with the other. Beside me, my date also meandered along barefoot. The sun had set completely while we had been eating and now the sky was left with that dim haze as the night set in. The lights from farther up towards the parking lot kept the area from being completely dark, but gray shadows were cast here and there. The moon was hidden behind some clouds and in the distance thunder rumbled.

“I think it’s going to rain.”

I glanced over towards the handsome man at my side. “You think so?”

“That was thunder.”

I kicked lightly at the water that was rushing over my toes. “Maybe it’ll pass by.”

“Maybe.” He reached and took my shoes from my hand, placing them with his and out of the way of the waves, then he laced our fingers together.

I glanced around the area, trying to ignore how my heartbeat had increased the minute he’d taken my hand. “There isn’t any driftwood around here is there?”

His laugh was calming. “I don’t think so. And I think we’ll make it back to the car before it gets too bad.”

“Good.” I gave a firm nod and glanced down to my skirt, lifting it a bit more as the water rushed around my ankles. “The water’s warm.”

“Yeah it is.” He glanced out to the dark ocean. “We should take a swim.”

The pulse in my neck was now throbbing. “I don’t have my suit.”

“Do you need one?” His eyes twinkled and I wasn’t sure if his tone was joking or if he was serious.

“Um…yes.”

He chuckled low and let the subject drop. “So, tell me more about yourself.”

I sent him a sideways glance, feeling a protective barrier starting to go up. There was only so much I was willing to share. “I have told you about myself.”

“Not much. Just what you’ve been willing to share over dinner.”

A shrug. “Well, what else is there to know?”

He stopped and the gentle pull on his hand stopped me as well. “There’s a lot to know. C’mere.” He led me further up from the water and sank down onto the dry sand, tugging me down next to him.

I dropped down beside him, smoothing my dress out.

Once we were settled, he leaned back on his elbows and stretched his legs out, watching me in the dim lighting from up the way. “How old are you?”

I curled my legs to the side, leaning into the sand on one hand. “You’re not supposed to ask a girl her age.”

“Humor me.”

“Twenty-six. You?”

“Thirty-one.” A pause. “Are you dating anyone?”

Again my pulse was beginning to race. “No. You?”

He shook his head. “Nope.”

I fiddled with the silver locket around my neck. “Why did you ask me to dinner?”

“I believe it was my turn to ask a question.” He gave me a small smirk.

“I didn’t realize we were taking turns.”

He chuckled low and sat up, brushing his hands together to remove any traces of sand. “Well, we are.”

“Well then, by all means.” I motioned towards him, giving the go ahead.

“Thank you.” He drew his legs up and rested his arms on his knees. “Why did you agree to go to dinner with me?”

“I don’t believe you gave me much choice.”

His warm laugh made another twinge appear in my chest. “I really didn’t. But aren’t you glad you came?”

I took a moment to ponder that question, glancing around at the still beach and thinking back over to the relaxing dinner and comfortable conversation. This was one of the few times I had felt so at peace with myself. “Yeah,” I spoke faintly, nodding my head and brushing at the skirt of my dress. “I think I am glad. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He spoke softly in return then reached and brushed some hair from my cheek, his fingers lingering for just a moment.

Around us the air grew a bit warmer.

“So um…” I cleared my throat and tried to shake off the strange feeling that was trying to settle in my stomach. “I believe it’s my turn to ask you something.”

“I think you’re right.”

I studied him, pressing my lips together and trying to think up what I wanted to know. Then it hit me. “What is your name?”

He blinked then laughed lowly. “Alex.”

“Alex.” I echoed him, liking the way it rolled off my tongue. “I’m Morgan.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Morgan.”

“Yeah,” I gave a nod, “likewise.”

“I think that after the play date on Saturday, you and I should do something again.”

It was weird, but I wasn’t against the idea. “Like what?”

He tilted his head and seemed to be thinking it over. “How adventurous are you?”

I lifted my brows. “Not very.”

“Really? You moved out here from the East Coast on your own. I’d say that’s pretty adventurous.”

“Maybe so, but not enough to go like…hang gliding or bungee jumping or something.”

He laughed. “That’s just crazy.”

I chuckled and gave a little nod. “Yeah, it really is.”

He nodded then reached and smoothed his fingers softly over my arm. “How ‘bout I just surprise you.”

I eyed him with a teasing expression. “I’m not jumping out of any airplanes either.”

“Deal.” He chuckled then traced his fingers down to my hand, taking it in his and smoothing his thumb across my palm.

I watched that simple action, feeling the electricity in the air and hearing more thunder in the distance.

He pulled my hand closer, tracing his fingertips over the soft skin of my palm and my breath caught in my throat.

“You have amazing skin.” The pad of his thumb was gently rubbing the inside of my wrist and tiny goosebumps were spreading up my arm.

“Th…thank you…” It was but a mere whisper.

He lifted my hand to his mouth, brushing his lips over my fingers and our eyes met, the electricity in the air now spreading through my chest.

“You have beautiful eyes, too; so clear and strikingly blue.”

A blush slowly crept up over my cheeks at his scrutiny and I barely managed out another thank you.

“But they seem so sad.” His lips were now gently cruising over my knuckles. “You have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

I suddenly wanted to pull away and run, but I only accomplished in pulling my hand from his.

“You…don’t know anything about me.” It came out a lot more shaken then I wanted it to.

“I could if you’d let me.” He kept his distance, but his gaze never wavered.

I was struggling inside, the barrier around my heart trying to close around me a little more. “I don’t even know you.”

“I know.” He reached and scooped some sand into his hand, letting it fall between his fingers back to the earth. “But I know you feel the connection.”

“No.” I shook my head, tears threatening my vision. I had only felt the connection with one man, one, and he had been ripped away. I would never feel any sort of connection with another man ever again.

“Yes.” He brushed his hand on his pants then reached for mine, catching it before I could move it away. “Something is going on here, Morgan.”

“No…nothing is going on.” Inside I was trembling and it made my voice catch.

“You can’t hide from the truth.”

“I’m not hiding from anything!” I looked his way and our eyes met and for a moment I couldn’t breathe.

He watched me, his voice staying low and calm despite my outburst. “Life is full of ups and downs.” He was rubbing my hand in a soothing manner. “But every time you get knocked down, you have to get back up.”

“No…” It was a pleading tone. I wanted him to stop, to leave me alone. Hot tears stung my eyes and I tried to desperately blink them away. “You…know nothing about my life, nothing.”

“Maybe not, but I know about my own. I know what it’s like to fall down every single time you get back up. I know what it’s like to struggle to just get through the day. And believe me; I know about losing everything and wondering what is the point of even living.”

His words hit home and the tears finally slipped down my cheeks. “Wh…what did you do? How did you handle it?”

He kissed my palm then reached and smoothed his thumbs beneath my eyes, wiping the dampness away. “It’s all a part of learning to live. It hurts a lot along the way, and there are times you don’t think you’ll make it, but you take it one day at a time.”

I just shook my head, tearing my gaze from his and looking to my lap. “We’re practically strangers.”

“Hey,” he reached and tilted my chin up, forcing ours eyes to meet. “You were there when I needed someone. Let me do the same for you.”

“Why do you even care?”

“Because something in here,” he tapped his chest, “is telling me to.”

I had nothing to respond with so I broke our gaze and looked out over the rushing waves.

“Hey, c’mere.” He gently tugged me closer, smoothing his hand over my back in nothing but a comforting manner. “I think sometimes people are brought into our lives for specific reasons.”

I sighed and glanced back to him. “You… think you were brought into my life for a certain reason?”

“Maybe,” he gave a little shrug. “Or you were brought into mine for a reason.” His hand continued to sooth my back. “But there is something between us, Morgan. I know we both feel it.”

“It doesn’t matter if something is there.” I watched the water again. “Nothing is going to come of it.”

He was quiet for a moment, his fingers trailing up and brushing along the back of my neck. “I don’t think that’s something either one of us has a say in.”

A frown creased my forehead. “Of course we have a say in it, it’s our lives.”

“Not when fate plays a hand.”

“Fate?” I gave a scoffing laugh. “Do not talk to me about fate.”

He gave a little sigh and his fingers brushed the back of my neck again. “Fate’s dealt you a pretty bad hand, huh?”

I just stared at the rolling waves, the thunder sounding again in the distance. “You don’t even know.”

He responded with a chaste kiss to my bare shoulder. “Tell me who Morgan Weston is.”

The words spilled out on their own, as if I had no say in the matter. “Lost, alone…afraid, heartbroken, sad…angry.”

“Does anything make her smile?”

“Lilacs.”

“That’s it?”

I had to think, it’d been so long since I’ve had any genuine, happy moments. “Rainbows. She loves rainbows.”

“Lilacs and rainbows. That’s all?”

“Feeling young again.”

“What else.”

I thought back on the many memories of Hugh and things we did that brought laughter into my life. “Dancing barefoot in the grass, letting it tickle your toes.”

Beside me, Alex gave a warm smile of his own. “Come with me.” He rose to his feet and brushed his pants off before holding his hand to me.

I blinked and pulled from my reverie, glancing to him. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He helped me up then headed down the beach to collect our shoes.

I followed slowly behind, wondering what he had up his sleeve this time.

After making our way back to his vehicle, we brushed the sand from our feet and slipped our shoes back on, then we were on the road again. He wouldn’t tell me where he was going and so I watched out the window with curiosity until he had pulled into a deserted parking lot.

“What is this place?” I glanced around at the open area, noting a few picnic tables off in the distance.

“C’mon.” He ignored me and unbuckled, climbing out and coming around to my side. He helped me out and took my hand then together we headed towards the picnic tables.

A few tall lamp posts dotted the area giving off enough light to not feel like you were in the middle of a horror movie and, as we drew closer, I saw a couple tall slides and a swing set, a jungle gym with a wooden bridge and some monkey bars.

“You brought me to a playground?”

He gave me a cute grin. “Nothing beats being a kid again.”

I could only giggle. “Wow, I haven’t been to a playground since I was in middle school.”

“Ooh, she smiles.”

I blushed and gave another giggle. “So, that’s what you’re doing, huh?”

“Yes.” He led me towards the see-saws. “I think you’re much more beautiful when you smile. And it uses less muscles then a frown.”

I couldn’t stop grinning. It was silly, but it really touched me. He didn’t know me, didn’t know a thing about what I was dealing with and yet he was going out of his way to put some happiness back into my life.

I thought back to our beach conversation as he directed me to one end of the see-saw. He had pushed all my buttons, taken me past my comfort zone and practically stripped me bare and yet, here I was laughing as he climbed on the see-saw and pushed me into the air. I couldn’t explain it; there was something about this man that I couldn’t put my finger on. He was different and as much as I tried to ignore it, as much as I wanted to push it away and pretend it didn’t exist, I did feel the connection. Deep down it was there, hiding, waiting for the right moment. I could brush it aside, push it away, reject it, scorn it, shut my eyes and try to be oblivious, but it was there. And as much as I didn’t want it to be, I was fairly certain he felt just the opposite.


~*~*~*~*~

Two hours later we stood on my front porch, the glow from the porch light leaving a cozy feeling. I fiddled with the keys in my hand and he watched me, both his hands shoved into his pockets.

The playground had been an experience I would never forget. After the see-saw we’d gone down the slide then taken turns pushing each other on the swings. It was childish, but rewarding, and for those two hours I had forgotten about the heartache and pain I was going through. Time had stood still for me and it wasn’t until we were on our way back to my place that I felt the weight of the world settling in around me again. I hadn’t wanted it to end; I wanted to savor that happiness that had overcome me so I could remember it always. I forgot what it had felt like to be lighthearted and laugh. And I knew that I wanted it back. This man had given it to me and I wanted to keep it.

I think he could read it in my eyes because he brought a hand up and touched my cheek. “You’re welcome.”

I wet my bottom lip, having so many things I wanted to say, but nothing at the same time.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He brushed a stray tear from my cheek.

I just shook my head, more tears filling my eyes. I couldn’t explain why I was suddenly crying, but this pressure was in my chest and the tears just flowed.

“Hey, shh… it’s okay.” He pulled me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.

The hot tears streamed from my eyes and I pressed my face into the cool fabric of his shirt, a muffled sob sounding as he held me tight to his chest.

I lost track of how long we remained that way. It was well after my last tears flowed and my shoulders stopped trembling.

Finally, he pulled his head back and peeked to me. “You okay?” He spoke low and his voice was filled with concern.

I gave a small hiccup and took a little breath, not wanting to feel the warmth of his embrace leave. “I…um…yeah.”

He gave a little nod and smoothed his hand over the back of my head then down over my back. “You sure?”

I suddenly felt embarrassed. “Yeah, I… I’m good.” I pulled from him and wiped at my cheeks. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

He caught one of my hands and pulled it to his chest. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

I couldn’t meet his gaze, I felt too foolish for falling to pieces in front of him. “Thank you for tonight. I had a good time.”

“I did too.”

I nodded and watched our hands.

“And we’re still on for Saturday.” He ducked his head and peeked to my face.

“Oh, yeah…” I had forgotten about Saturday. “We…can meet on the beach.”

“How’s ten?”

“In the morning?”

“Well, as I recall you telling me… there isn’t any sun in the night.”

I chuckled despite everything. “Ten is fine.”

“Alright.” He kissed my fingers, his lips lingering for a moment. “If you’re late, I’ll come find you.”

I laughed low again. “I know you will. I won’t be late.”

He gave that heart warming grin I’d come to find myself liking. “Good. Then you get some rest and I’ll see you on Saturday.” And with that he leaned in and brushed his lips over my cheek, my skin warming at the simple touch.

I echoed his goodnight then turned and unlocked my front door. He waited until I stepped inside before wishing me a good night once more. I smiled and returned the well wish then finally shut the door, leaving the porch light on so he could find his way back to his vehicle.

I slid my shoes off and dropped my purse on the end table before giving a sigh and leaning back against the door. Words were useless when it came to trying to describe my night. It was going to take me a day or two to think it over and figure out how I felt. He had definitely stirred something inside me, but I wasn’t sure what; or if it was a good or bad thing. Sometimes life changes came in big explosions and other times they came in soft whispers. I didn’t know rather this man was an explosion or a whisper and so I welcomed it with hesitance and caution. He called it learning to live again. I called it being scared to death.

I was up and gone to work before Dianna had a chance to come over and find out about my date. I knew she’d probably try to interrupt my breakfast, so I made sure to skip it and grab some coffee on the way into the office. I didn’t escape her phone call though. The sneak got crafty and instead of calling my cell so I could screen her, she rang up my office phone.

“Houghton Real Estate, Morgan Weston speaking, how may I help you?”

“Are you avoiding me?”

I blinked and gave in inward groan. I should have known she’d call the office. “Good morning to you too, Dianna.”

“I went to your house to have breakfast with you and you were gone already. Since when do you leave for work before 7:30?”

I rubbed my forehead. “I have a lot of things to do today. I’m supposed to be hearing from a bank on a possible sale and wanted to make sure I was here before eight.”

“Uh huh.” She didn’t believe a word.

“I’m being for real.”

“I think you’re trying to avoid a conversation on what happened last night.”

A sigh. “I’m not trying to do that.” I was trying to do that, but I wasn’t about to admit it.

“Good, so then tell me what happened.”

I glanced around the office; it was early so not very many had made it in yet. And I wasn’t really on the clock so to say until about nine. “Can’t this wait? I’m at work.”

“It’s not even 8:30; you’re probably the only person there right now.”

“Try the second.”

She chuckled. “So, how did it go?”

I relented. There was no avoiding Dianna, she would go and go until she got what she wanted. “It was nice. He took me to this really good sea food place and I filled up on the lobster.”

“Ooh, lobster. Nice.”

“Yeah, we had a good time. Pleasant conversation and good atmosphere.”

“Are you gonna see him again?”

I fiddled with a pen on my desk. “Maybe.”

“Ooh, Morgan!” She gave a cute laugh. “That’s great!”

I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks. “Shh, Dianna. I said maybe.”

“Which means yes. If you weren’t planning on seeing him again you’d have told me no. I know you.”

“Okay, so we’re gonna do something on Saturday.”

“Wow, another date already set up.”

Suddenly I felt guilty. “That’s not good? I should wait, huh? I’m not really ready to date and … now I have two in one week.”

“Morgan, stop.” She gave a sigh through the phone. “Honey, you have no expectations or rules to live by. If you want to see him again then go for it.”

“What about Hugh?”

She was silent for a moment. “Would he want you to be alone and unhappy?”

I peeked to the phone. “No.”

“Would he want you to find that happiness again?”

She was right. “Yes.”

“Then honey, why aren’t you doing that?”

“Cuz it hurts.” I made sure to keep my voice low to not be overheard. “And it’s hard. I just keep thinking about Hugh and how much I love him. Of our life together.”

“I know it’s hard, but honey…that part of your life is over. It was beautiful and wonderful and will always be cherished, but it’s time to let someone in again. Don’t you want to feel that happiness and joy that you experienced with Hugh once more?”

I closed my eyes, feeling a weight in my chest. “Of course I do. I just want it to be Hugh that makes me feel that way.”

“Hugh is gone. He is never gonna make you feel that way again, Morgan. It’s sad, and I know it hurts, but it’s true. You can’t go through life looking in the rearview mirror.”

Tears brimmed my eyes. “Stop.”

“You have to face reality. And you can’t compare every guy to Hugh.”

“Just stop!” I spoke a little louder, wiping at my cheeks with my free hand.

“I’ll stop when you finally face the truth.” She sounded firm.

“I know he’s gone! I know he’s never coming back! I’m not stupid.” I could feel myself trembling.

“Then you need to realize that it’s okay for you to date again. It’s okay for you to be happy.”

I didn’t know why she was being so harsh, but I wanted her to just shut up about it. “I… I can’t talk about this right now. I …I gotta go.” Then I hung up before she could respond.

I was infuriated that Dianna would call my place of employment and go off on me like that; that she would speak to me about Hugh in that manner. She knew how fragile and vulnerable I was. She knew how hard it was for me to pick up the pieces and continue on. She knew I was still mending and trying to be myself again. I was angry suddenly.

“Morgan?”

I jumped and looked over as Anna set her messenger bag on her desk. She was watching me with a rather perplexed and concerned expression.

“Are you okay?”

“No,” I shook my head and rose from the chair. “Can… can you take my calls today? I’m waiting to hear from the bank and …” I tried to recall all the things on my to-do list. “…The Martins should be calling about the house they saw on Monday.”

“Sure, no problem.” She moved towards me. “Do you need anything? What’s going on?”

I shook my head and pulled a couple folders from my own bag. “Here, theses have all the information you’ll need. And take any messages for me.”

She accepted the manila folders. “Sure, I got it covered. You’ll call me later?”

I knew she was worried. “Yeah, thanks.” I gave her arm a squeeze then grabbed my bag, heading through the desk and towards the front doors. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I needed some time to myself. I had a lot of thinking to do.

~*~*~*~*~

I ended up at a rather empty park about a mile from my home. It was an open field with a hiking trail and bike path. There was a set of swings and one slide, but that’s it. The only people that really inhabited the place were joggers, bicyclists, rollerbladers and mothers pushing strollers out for a brisk walk.

I found myself sitting on one of the park benches facing the pond. I watched as a few ducks bobbed their heads under the water searching for food. Life must be easy for a duck; just swim, waddle, quack and eat. I sighed and brushed a lock of hair from my face. Was I jealous of a duck? That was an absurd thought.

I must have been so into watching the duck that I didn’t notice when someone sank down on the bench next to me until they spoke.

“How come a pretty, young thing like you looks so sad?”

I jerked and glanced over to see an elderly woman with glasses and strikingly beautiful white hair next to me. She wore a cream sweater and some dark slacks and a small plastic bag of some kind of duck feed was in her lap. “Um…excuse me?”

“I asked what you were so sad for.” Her round hazel eyes watched me with the same concern my grandmother would have.

I wet my bottom lip, not quite sure how to respond. “Um…it’s kind of personal.”

“Oh,” she gave a little nod and tossed some of the feed out into the water, watching as suddenly a flock of ducks swarmed, fighting to get their share, “Means it’s about a man.”

I blinked. “Not…not necessarily.”

“Oh yes, child. You have that look in your eyes.”

“What look?”

She glanced to me as she tossed more feed to the ducks. “The one that says a man hurt you. Hurt you so bad you don’t know if you can ever love again.”

I hesitated, watching this woman with a perplexed expression. “It…it wasn’t his fault.”

“No,” she shook her head some, studying my expression. “It wasn’t the man himself that hurt you, it was what happened.”

I was suddenly uncomfortable. This woman seemed to read me like an open book and I didn’t like that one bit. “I um…I’m gonna get going…”

“Let me tell you a story first.” She spoke as I began to rise from the bench. Her eyes never left the fluttering ducks as they dove for the food she tossed their way.

For some unknown reason, I wordlessly sank back down in my spot.

For a moment neither of us spoke, just the sounds of the ducks squabbling over the feed. Finally, when I was about to once more try to leave, she began to talk.

“I was 19 when I met Henry. He was 21 and worked at his father’s bank. He was supposed to take it over when his father retired, but Henry didn’t really want to do that.” She paused and tossed more of the grains into the water.

I took the bait. “What did he want to do?”

“Open his own store. Henry loved to build and he was very good at it. He could make anything from a table, to a bed, dresser…you name it he could create it. It was his passion, but his father didn’t see where that would get him in his life. A banker fared much better, especially one that owned a handful of successful banks. So Henry went to school to become what his father wanted him to be. That’s where we met. University. I was going to be a teacher.”

I watched her curiously, wondering where she was taking this tale and how it was going to pertain to me.

“We dated for two months before he proposed. We were married before the year was over. It was after our honeymoon that he finally faced his father and told him he was opening his own store. He was going to build and sell furniture.” She finally tore her eyes from the ducks and watched me. “He told me I gave him the courage and strength to do that. He said that as long as I was by his side he could do anything. Which is why when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and we went to war, he enlisted. He believed in fighting and defending a country that gave each man such freedom to follow their dreams.” Her eyes misted over and she stared out over the water again.

“What happened?” I gently urged her after a moment.

“His plane was shot down over the Pacific.”

My heart hurt for her. “I’m so sorry.” Gently, I reached and touched her arm.

She brought her other hand over and gave mine a squeeze, it was tender and warm. “I didn’t think I could go on. My life fell apart when my Henry died and I just wanted it to be over for me as well.” Her voice softened and was overcome with that faraway tone, like she was being taken back to that time. “I didn’t know how to live without him. There was just this hole where he had been.”

“I… I understand.”

Her eyes flickered to me and she gave my hand another squeeze. “I imagine you do.”

“How did you…move past that?”

“I didn’t think I ever would. For two years I holed myself away, only leaving to go teach at the local school. I thought my life was over and I wasn’t even 25 yet. But then….” A distant look appeared in her eyes. “…I was walking home from the school one day and it suddenly started to rain. Out of the blue, this gentleman appears at my side with this umbrella. He shields me from the rain and insists on seeing me home. I didn’t want to become soaked and catch pneumonia, so I accepted.

Everyday, for the next month, he’d meet me on that corner and escort me home. It took him nearly another month before I finally agreed to go on a date.” Her round eyes focused on me again. “It took him another year and a half before I finally agreed to marry him.”

“Y…you…married him?”

“Yes, his name was Matthew and he was a banker.” She laughed low at the irony of that situation. “He was the love of my life, dear. I thought I knew true love, but it was nothing to what Matthew taught me.”

“How’s that? How…come Henry wasn’t your true love?”

“Because Matthew taught me how to overcome the grief and loss I had experienced. He showed me I was still living and I had so much more to live for. He brought me back from the edge and filled my soul.”

I was moved by her words and wiped at the corners of my eyes where tears were collecting. “What…what about Henry?”

“I loved Henry, my dear; don’t get me wrong. It was true and passionate and perfect, but life had plans for Henry. I didn’t understand it and it wasn’t until I was with Matthew and staring into the beautiful faces of our children that I realized, Henry taught me how to love, prepared me for that great love. He still has a place in here,” she touched the place above her heart as she spoke. “But it was Matthew that completed me.”

“Then…how…how come you went through that with him? Why not just…meet Matthew from the start?”

“Because life has little lessons for everyone. I would never have met Matthew if I hadn’t gone through what I had with Henry. Life is a journey and every incident in your life takes you one step closer to the next.” She watched me. “I could have stayed miserable and angry at the world, but look at what I would have missed out on.”

I wet my bottom lip; my eyes trained on her, just letting her words slowly sink in. She had a point. I could stay hurt and upset with losing Hugh. I could pine away for him until I was 70, but it wouldn’t do any good. He wasn’t coming back. And if I continued to hide from the world, I would miss out on my life.

“Sometimes you get a second chance, because time wasn’t ready for the first one.” She touched my shoulder. “Just something for you to think about, my dear.”

I gave a little nod and looked to my hands. I didn’t want to be alone and miserable when I was older and I didn’t want to miss out on living.

~*~*~*~*~

My emotional day left me exhausted and I climbed into bed rather early, curling up under the blankets and turning the television on to some evening comedy. I had done a lot of thinking after my chat with the woman at the park, and now my head hurt and I wanted nothing more than to sleep everything away. I had visited my doctor a couple days back and he’d written me a prescription for the Ambien CR I’d first tried courtesy of Dianna. The white pill lay on my nightstand and I eyed it like a piece of candy. I would take one and have a restful night with no dreams or nightmares. I just needed a night of uninterrupted rest so tomorrow I could face the day and try to focus on becoming whole again.

My phone rang before I could reach for the glass of water next to the sleeping aid. “Crap.” I gave a frown and selected the black receiver from its base, seeing Dianna’s name flash on the ID screen. Did I really want to talk to her? Something inside told me to, so I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, are you busy?”

I glanced towards the television and grabbed up the remote, muting it before speaking again. “No, just getting ready to turn in.”

“This early?”

“Yeah, I’ve had a long, trying day.”

“I’m sorry.”

I gave a little shrug. “Not your fault.”

“No,” she gave a little sigh. “I’m sorry for this morning. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”

I glanced to the phone. “You were just trying to help me.”

“I know, but they were harsh and I could have gone about it a different way.”

“Yeah….” I fiddled with the remote. “But it’s over and done with.”

“Are you mad?”

“I was. But I’m not anymore.”

She sighed. “How about on Sunday we go shopping or something. Maybe do lunch first.”

I gave a small grin. “I think that sounds nice.”

“And I promise I won’t ask about your Saturday date or …anything dealing with Hugh.”

I chuckled low. “Well, you might could, maybe, ask me a few questions about my date.”

“Yeah?” I could hear the grin in her voice. “Do you like him?”

“I…think so. I’m not sure yet. He’s so….different.”

“Different? How so?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Well, maybe that’s a good thing.”

I chuckled again. “We’ll see.”

She gave her own laugh. “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. I know…how hard this is and that you’re scared, and I’m proud that you’re taking some more baby steps.”

Her words touched me. “Thank you. I did a lot of thinking today …and yes, I’m scared to death and all I really want to do is pull my head into my shell and hide, but…I really don’t want to miss out on my life.”

“I don’t want you to either.”

“So, I’m gonna just…try. Who knows how it’s going to go or if I’ll even be successful, but what do I have left to lose? I’m…alone, Dianna, and I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Oh, Morgan.” She sounded so heartbroken for me. “You are the bravest person I know.”

“Thank you.” But I didn’t feel brave. I was more scared than ever. Scared that I would fail terribly, scared that I wouldn’t be able to move past Hugh and scared that I even wanted to. That thought made me sick to my stomach and I almost changed my mind.

“Dianna?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t want to forget about him.”

“Honey, you aren’t going to. He has a very special place inside of you and he always will.”

I could feel the nerves in my tummy. “I’m scared.”

“I know you are. And you don’t have to rush into anything, or do anything you’re not ready for.”

“I know.” The words felt caught in my throat. “But I … I don’t want to be 80 with no…husband or family…all alone.”

“You aren’t going to be and 80 is a long ways from 26. Just take the time you need to grieve and get yourself to the point where you’re ready to find love again.”

“Right.” I gave a little nod, thinking back to the woman from the park. She had done it, I could do it. Maybe. Probably. I hoped so. I wanted to. I didn’t want to. I wanted Hugh. I wanted to take my Ambien and make my thoughts stop for just a little while.

“And you know I’m here for whatever you need.”

I nodded again, rubbing my head. “I appreciate that.”

“It’s going to get easier, Morgan.”

Tears were pricking my eyes. “I hope so.”

“It will.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“Hey, you’ve already made some improvement. You just have to give it some time.”

I gave a heavy sigh. “I suppose.”

“And when you’re 80 and I’m…older than that… we’ll get together and poke fun at our husbands as they race each other with their walkers.”

I chuckled at that thought. “While you and I race each other in our Hoverounds.”

She laughed. “Now you’re thinking. We’ll be riding in style.”

I giggled low and shook my head. Dianna was a trip, and sometimes her mouth was too big for her face, but I wouldn’t trade her in for anyone else. When I needed someone she was there, and I had a very strong feeling I was going to need someone a lot as I tried to overcome my grief and move on with my life. I think she was going to have her hands full. Hope she was ready for it.

Friday, after I got out of work, I received a phone call from Andrew. He had just arrived back in town and was wondering what I was doing that weekend. I told him I had weekend plans but we might could; possibly get together for lunch later in the week, as just friends of course. He agreed and we arranged to meet at this little café not far from the airport Tuesday noontime. I didn’t mention my date(s), not that it was any of his business, and I hoped he didn’t get too personal with what I had been doing lately. We didn’t chat for long, just enough time to exchange pleasantries and set up a time and meeting place.

I got home after six and slipped out of my red heels. My feet were slightly swollen and my toes ached. Peter Berkins had traipsed me all over town looking for just the right beach house. He was not an easy person to please, and after our fifth location, I wanted to shove my paperwork down his throat and leave him. But I didn’t and he finally seemed satisfied with the last place on the list. Of course, he wanted time to think it over, but he promised to let me know sometime the following week. The sooner he had his house and was off my hands, the better.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I sighed and padded into the living area, Daisy right behind me. She had greeted me at the door and wouldn’t let me past the foyer until I had loved on her sufficiently enough. And she would probably be underfoot the rest of the night. It was fine with me; I was hoping take a nice, long bubble bath then curl up on the sofa with a good book. The sun glinted through the patio doors as it began its descent over the horizon and on a whim; I moved to the French doors and threw them open, allowing the warmth to fill the room. I watched as my precious Labrador sniffed around the entrance then settled herself half inside and half stretched out over the stone of the patio.

“You’re a trip.” I told her as the sound of the telephone filled the room.

Glancing over to where the white cordless was nestled in its cradle, I sank down onto the sofa and plucked it up. My parents name flashed in the ID and I gave an inward groan.

“Hello?”

“Hey, honey, how are you?” My mother’s soothing voice flowed over the line and directly into my ear.

I gave a little nod. “I’m doing alright. Had a long day at work.”

“Ooh, did you sell any homes?”

“Well, there’s one that a couple recently made a bid on, but I just spent today showing some wanna be Hugh Heffner about a hundred different beach houses.”

“Goodness, that is a long day.”

“Yeah, it is. And now I want to take a nice, hot bubble bath.”

“Well, I think you most certainly deserve it.”

I smiled. “I do too.” A pause. “So, what’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Oh yes, everything is just fine. I was only calling to tell you the news…”

She trailed off and I lifted a brow. “What news?”

“Your brother and Candace are going to be moving to Arizona.”

Both my brows arched now. “Seriously? What for? I thought he loved New York City and wouldn’t give it up for anything.”

“We thought so as well, but Candace was given a very lucrative promotion that would require her to work out of their Phoenix office. So,” she chuckled, “they’re moving.”

My brother and his wife, Grayson and Candace Huntley, were power house executives. He was vice president of the accounting firm he worked at in the Big Apple and Candace had just made partner at her law firm. They were both so career driven it left them with no time for children and so I had no nieces or nephews. I hadn’t seen my brother since my move, and even living in Connecticut rarely saw him then. Grayson was six years older than me, and we didn’t have a close relationship. When I was old enough to want to spend time with him, he was out the door with his friends or school. He traveled overseas to London for college and returned home with Candace. They were wed four months after graduation and immediately submersed themselves in their work. But it made them happy.

“What about his job?”

“He says he’s going to commute. Get a place in the city and travel to Arizona on weekends.”

I made a face, thinking that was probably one of the worst decisions for a relationship. “And Candace is okay with only seeing her husband on weekends.”

My mother gave a soft laugh. “Well, you know Candace…she’ll probably be too busy during the week to even think about Grayson.”

I sighed and gave a nod. “Whatever floats their boat, I suppose.”

“It may not be the best choice, but they’re both willing to see it through, so that’s important.”

“Yeah, I know…” I rubbed my forehead. “Well, next time you speak to him, tell him I said ‘congratulations’.”

“I most certainly will.”

“When are they making the move?”

“Not for a few more weeks. They still have to find a place to live and get everything situated.”

“Oh,” I leaned back in the sofa, watching Daisy sunning herself.

My mother paused and I knew what was coming.

“So, everything is going good for you?”

“Yeah, it’s going well.” My toes dug into the plush carpeting.

“Your father and I miss you, Morgan. Maybe you could come visit sometime.”

At least she wasn’t asking to come out and see me. “Um… maybe sometime, yeah.”

Miriam sighed. “Why are you trying to isolate yourself?”

I hesitated, wetting my bottom lip. “I’m not isolating myself, Mom.”

“You are. You won’t let us come see you, and you won’t come see us. Are you cutting us out of your life?”

Her words made my chest twinge. “No, Mom… no.” I shook my head. “I wouldn’t ever do that.”

“Then… then why won’t you see us?” I could hear the tremor in her tone and knew tears weren’t far behind.

“Mom…” I sighed and rubbed my cheek, feeling my heart breaking at what she was saying. “I…don’t know. I guess I…just…don’t want to be reminded of Hugh.”

“Oh honey, you know we would never do that.”

I could feel my own tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. “I…know, but it still scares me. I’m trying so hard, Mom…”

She was quiet for a moment. “Morgan, baby, you can’t do it on your own.”

“I’m not. I have Deanna…and a few others.”

“Let your father and I visit.”

My eyes looked outside, the sky illuminated with the pinks and oranges from the sunset. It was brilliant and beautiful and I felt a tiny glimmer of hope inside. “Maybe.”

“That’s better than a no, we’ll take a maybe.” She sounded more cheery.

I had to smile at her optimistic attitude. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, baby.”

~*~*~*~*~

Saturday was a beautiful day; the birds were chirping, the sun was shining and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. It was warm so I dressed in a pair of denim shorts and a pale pink polo. Daisy was eager and got so excited when she saw the leash I produced. She tried knocking me over in all that excitement in fact. I laughed and shooed her back down to all fours before hooking the leash to her collar, then together we headed from the house and across the backyard to the beach.

Alex was waiting at the bottom of the steps, Bernie at his side. Daisy tore the leash right out of my hand the minute she laid eyes on the other dog. I could only laugh though and watch as she raced down the stairs and greeted the Bernese with affection. Bernie returned the greetings, his tail thwapping as he sniffed and pawed at the chocolate Lab.

“Aren’t they an excited pair?” My male companion spoke as I reached the sand and grabbed up her leash before my dog could dart away.

“Yeah, it’s heartwarming.” I couldn’t stop the grin that covered my face as I observed the two of them fawning over each other.

“How are you?”

I turned and met his gaze, those familiar shivers moving down my back. It was an uncanny effect he had on me and I wish I knew the reason for it. “I’m good. How are you?”

His smile reached his eyes. “I’m great.”

“Good.” I returned the smile then turned back to my dog, tugging her away from Bernie a bit. “Daisy, give him some room to breathe.”

Next to me, Alex chuckled. “Say, ‘I’m excited, mama. I’ve missed Bernie so much’.”

“She’ll miss him even more when she suffocates him.”

He laughed and gathered the black leash attached to the Bernese. “Shall we walk?”

I peeked my eyes towards his dog then back to him. “Will he be okay?”

“Of course.” He touched my arm and we started a slow gait along the sand. “He’s not gimp.”

I felt a blush creep up my cheeks. “Well, I wasn’t sure how he was doing with everything.”

“Better than expected, actually. The doc said he’s surprised how well Bernie is handling the diet and medications.”

“Oh, that’s great!” I flashed a grin and squeezed his hand.

He returned the squeeze then continued to hold my hand. “We’re not in the clear yet. He still has to undergo chemotherapy and they’re talking about surgery.”

“Surgery?”

“Yeah,” He nodded and watched as the two animals tried to frolic in the waves, “To remove the tumors.”

“Oh gosh,” I was overcome with sadness for the dog. “Are… you okay?”

A shrug. “Doing the best I can. There’s still a long ways to go and a hard fight, but Bernie’s a fighter.”

My eyes shifted in his direction. “You seem to be one too.”

He gave my hand a warm squeeze. “I do my best.”

I giggled low, finding myself liking the feel of his hand and the warmth that seeped into me. “So, there’s this contest at work and whoever has the highest sell percentage gets a trip to Hawaii.” I wasn’t sure why I was telling him this.

“Oh yeah? Are you going to win?”

“I don’t know, some people seem to think so. I don’t know if I want to though.”

“Really? It’s Hawaii, how can you not want to win?”

“Because you have to attend this convention and listen to lectures and all that kind of stuff.” I left out the real reason why I didn’t want to go.

“You find those kinds of things boring?”

I tugged Daisy back from where she was trying to catch a crab that scurried along the sand. “Not totally, but who wants to spend all day in a lecture hall?”

“True, especially when it’s Hawaii.”

“Exactly.”

We fell into a comfortable silence as we strode along, the dogs pawing at each other before darting this way and that, trying to jump in the waves or catch a butterfly. It felt nice to just walk and not worry, or over think, or stress myself out. Alex was a good companion; there was no pressure to be something I’m not, or move past something I’m not ready to. I still couldn’t explain why I felt so at ease around him, but I was beginning to learn not to question it.

“I’m surprised there’s not more people out here.” I finally broke the silence and glanced around at the surroundings. A few people were parked in beach chairs or strewn over beach towels, and a couple of children played in the surf, but for the most part it was empty.

“Most everyone’s over at the public beach, or the boardwalk.” Alex explained. “And the ones that use this one, are so used to it they get bored coming out here.”

“I don’t see how that could be possible. This place is too beautiful for someone to not want to be a part of it.”

“People don’t always realize what they have.”

I gave a little nod. “That’s very true. And when they do realize, it’s too late.”

“You need to live each day like it’s your last.”

I glanced over at him, realizing we were still holding hands. “Do you do that?”

“I try to. Sometimes I get caught up in the every day living, or all life’s troubles, but I try to take a step back and look at the big picture.”

I nodded and finally took my hand back from his, using it to tuck some stray hair behind my ear. “Where does your mom live?”

Alex gave a slow blink and chuckled low. “That’s a pretty random question.”

I gave a little shrug, but remained quiet.

“She lives in Florida.”

“Really?” My eyes cast his way. “How often do you see her?”

“Hmm…” He rubbed his chin and thought it over. “Major holidays, sometimes I’ll go back for a visit or she’ll come out here.” He paused then looked at me. “Why?”

I shrugged. “No reason.”

He studied me a moment then reined his dog in from where Bernie had been trying to run out into the water. “How often do you see your mom?”

I didn’t look at him. “It’s been awhile.”

“How long is awhile?”

“Almost a year and a half.”

“That is awhile.”

And suddenly I didn’t want to talk about this topic anymore. “Yeah, but she and my dad may be coming out to visit me soon.”

“Well, that’s good.” He reached over and captured my hand again.

We strolled along in that comfortable silence once more, just observing the two dogs and their playful frolicking. After making our way so far down the beach, we finally turned and began to head back. The sun had risen a little higher in the sky and was beating down. It wasn’t scorching hot, but I was definitely feeling warmer than when we’d started off. I would probably want to get a shower in before we met up for whatever else he had in mind. Speaking of which.

I glanced over at him. “So, where are we going after this?”

“Have you ever heard of Catalina Island?”

“Um…I’ve heard it mentioned before, but that’s about it.”

“Well, I’m gonna take you there.”

My eyes widened some. “Really? What kind of things are there?”

“Lots of things.” His eyes danced as he looked my way. “Kayaking, jet skiing, snorkeling, horseback riding, a museum, dance club…golf course.”

“Wow… we won’t be bored, huh?”

He chuckled and lifted my hand, brushing his lips over my knuckles. “Not at all.”

I tilted my head and watched him all thoughtful. “That sounds nice though. I don’t even remember the last time I…rode a jet ski.”

Alex glanced to his watch. “Well, what are we waiting for? How ‘bout we take our pooches back, get cleaned up and I’ll pick you up at one?”

“Okay,” I nodded and sent him a grin. “That sounds good to me.”

“Great.” He matched my grin then together we strolled hand in hand back towards my place.

It was the middle of the night and I was wide awake. Glancing over to the small clock on the nightstand, and seeing I’d only been in bed for about three hours, I gave a groan and turned to my side, pressing my face into the pillow. Why couldn’t I fall asleep? The day had been long and I should have fallen into a quick sleep the minute my head hit the pillow, but instead I lay tossing and turning, feeling restless. Maybe it was because I wasn’t in my own bed. The different house, the different room, all the new sounds; maybe they were keeping me up. Or maybe it’s because I couldn’t stop thinking about the man asleep in his room down the hall. He might be the reason for my insomnia.

After my shower, Alex and I had convened in his den for a movie. He made up some buttered popcorn and we’d spent a few hours engrossed in some action thriller, munching on the snack. Afterwards, we had just lounged on his leather sofa discussing our favorite movies and books and different philosophies of life. It was different for me, but in a good way. And before retiring for the night, he promised a big pancake breakfast that next morning. And now here I lay not able to get his face out of my mind.

I gave a groan and pushed the pillow away. I felt like a 16 year old with a crush on the football captain. I remembered all those nights back in high school dreaming and day dreaming about that one boy. How just one smile from him made your day and if he stopped to talk to you in the hall, well that made your entire week. That boy that was unattainable, because of course he’d already had a girlfriend or he wasn’t interested in you for anything more than a friend. But Alex; Alex was single and obviously interested in me. And I think I liked him back. No, I know I did. I was just scared and afraid that moving on meant forgetting. I never wanted to forget.

With a heavy sigh, I pushed the covers off my legs and sat up. The pale light from the moon filtered in through the half open blinds that hung over the windows and it cast the room in an eerie glow. A noise on the other side of the bedroom door caught my attention and I looked to the oak wood, staring intently and listening to see if it would come again. It did; a soft thud towards the bottom of the door. The thought that something was in the hall made my heart race, but I bit back my fear and slipped from the bed.

Stealing slowly to the door, I hesitated just a moment before reaching for the knob and easing it open.

Bernie’s lonely face greeted me.

I gave a low chuckle and pulled the door open further, kneeling down by the dog and smoothing his fur.

He nuzzled to my hand then tried to lick it.

“Aww, don’t lick me.” I made sure to keep my voice low. “What are you doing out here anyway?” Alex had told me he kept Bernie in his room at night, along with his other dog, Ozzy.

The glossy coated dog nudged at me until he could slip past me then entered into the room.

“Ooh, you want to sleep in here with me, huh?” I watched him sniff around the room. “Can you smell Daisy on me? Is that it?”

It seemed to be because he zeroed in on my bag and settled himself on the floor directly under the chair.

I watched him with a small grin. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring her with me. You would have loved that.”

He sent me a look that seemed to tell me I was a fool for not doing so and it made me chuckle.

“You’ll see her soon, I promise.” I shook my head some and peered out into the hallway again before returning to Bernie. Did Alex know his dog had wondered off? I didn’t want to shut him up in the room with me and worry him if he awoke and couldn’t find the Bernese Mountain Dog. “You probably shouldn’t stay in here.”

The expression on his doggy muzzle said he wasn’t going anywhere and to accentuate that point, he shifted and seemed to settle even more into the floor.

I could only laugh; he was a dog with quite a character, that’s for sure.

“Morgan?”

With a jerk, I looked back out to the hallway to find Alex standing there, clad in only some dark pajama pants and carrying a glass. “Alex….hi.”

He watched me a little confused. “Are you alright?”

“Um yeah, I…couldn’t sleep and then I heard this noise and Bernie was out there and he came in here and ….” I glanced to the dog then back to his owner, “…now he won’t leave.”

“Bernie’s in there?” Alex gave a chuckle and poked his head into the room, spotting the furry animal. “What are you doing in here, boy? C’mon, Morgan wants to go to bed.”

“Um actually,” I spoke up, fiddling with a strand of my hair, “I can’t sleep.”

His heart melting eyes returned to me. “Oh. Are you okay?”

I nodded, tucking the hair behind my ear. “Yeah, I just… you know, different room, new bed…that kind of thing.”

“Ooh.” He gave a nod of his own. “Do…you want me to take you home?”

I blinked. “Oh, no…no. I….no.” I shook my head quickly. “I want to stay.”

“Good, cuz I didn’t really want you to go.” He sent me a cute smirk and I giggled.

“Well, good, cuz I’m not going.” Oh my word, we were acting like teenagers.

“So, um…you want something to drink?” He motioned to the glass in his hand.

“Yes, please.”

Another smile graced his face. “Okay, come with me.” Then he took my hand and led me from the room.

Ten minutes later, I was tucked into the corner of his couch with a blanket around my legs and a mug of hot chamomile tea in my hands. He was seated next to me, sipping on his own beverage. I watched him, getting caught up in how inviting his skin looked and the way the muscles in his arms moved. I didn’t even realize I had been staring until he spoke my name and my cheeks flushed.

The corners of his eyes crinkled from the grin on his face and he reached out, smoothing his hand along my arm. “You see something you like?”

My blush grew and I gave an embarrassed giggle, ducking my head.

“Aww…” He moved his hand to my leg and gave it a squeeze. “I’m just teasing you.”

“So um…” I cleared my throat and tried to will the pink from my cheeks, “how come you’re awake in the middle of the night?”

He kept his hand on my leg. “Sometimes I get insomnia.”

I gave an understanding nod. “Me too, sometimes; though it’s not really …insomnia, it’s more just a restless sleep.”

“I feel ya.” His hand smoothed gently on my leg over the blanket.

“What keeps you awake?”

He tilted his head in a thoughtful manner. “Too many thoughts racing through my head, I suppose. I’ll lay there trying to sleep, but instead be thinking about all the shit I have to do the next day, or trying to figure out why this happened or wonder about that.”

“Yeah, that happens to me sometimes too.”

He gave my leg a squeeze. “It sucks.”

I could only agree. “Yes, it does.”

He gave a nod and took a sip of his drink, lowering the glass back down to his leg. I gripped my mug tighter when his soul searching eyes turned to me once more. For some reason, I felt exposed; completely laid open for him to see every little incident, every little flaw, every little part of me. It made me fidget and I stared into my tea.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head, blowing into my tea before taking a sip.

“Liar.” He reached over and pushed some hair behind my ear, his touch sent chills racing down my neck and back.

I peeked to him. “You…just have this way of…” I searched for the right words, “of knowing exactly what I need, or …how to make me feel better. It’s like…you can see inside of me.” The instant the words left my mouth I wished they hadn’t. Why was I telling him this? Embarrassment flushed my cheeks and I pushed the blanket from my legs. “I mean… um…I think I’m gonna go on to bed.”

He caught my arm before I could rise from the couch. Gently, he tugged me back to a full sitting position and pushed the blanket aside. “You can’t run from this, Morgan.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re trying to.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not…I…I’m…” I gave a sigh and stared back into my tea, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Understand what?” His fingers tilted my chin so I was forced to meet his gaze. “Understand why you’re so scared? Why you’re so afraid? Why you’ve built a wall around yourself that’s higher than the Great Wall of China?”

I wanted to tear my gaze from his, but he still had hold of my chin. “I…I can’t…I…no…” Tears threatened my eyes. I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want to talk about it; I didn’t want to face it.

His fingers moved from my chin and grazed along my cheek then down over my neck before he took the mug from my hands and set it with his drink on the coffee table. He leaned back to me, taking both my hands in his, those damning eyes boring into the deepest parts of my soul. “Sometimes, holding on hurts more than letting go.”

I wanted to pull away; I wanted to tell him not to touch me. I wanted to sink into his embrace; I didn’t want him to let me go. Inside, I was in a ferocious battle of tug-o-war. My head on one end and my heart on the other and they were at a standstill. Tears glistened in my eyes as I watched him, half afraid to speak for fear of what I might say.

“Oh, Morgan.” He gave a sympathetic sigh and pulled me into his arms.

I melted against him. The warmth of his body flowed through into mine and for a single moment, everything seemed right. It felt so nice to be wrapped in him, so warm and comfortable; like this is where I was supposed to be. That thought sent a shock through me and my heart leapt into my throat.

He must have felt me tense because he began to rub my back in soothing circles, tilting his head and peering down at me. “When’s your birthday?”

“What?”

A tiny grin tugged at his lips. “Your birthday; when is it?”

“That’s a random question.”

“I know.”

“November 4th.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“A brother; he’s older.”

“Where does he live?”

“New York.”

“Any nieces or nephews?”

“No, he doesn’t want kids.”

“Do you?”

I gave a shrug. “Someday.”

“I want kids someday too.”

I peeked up at him. “Have you ever been married?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I came close though.”

“What happened?”

His eyes clouded over. “Just one of those things; we were both in different places and I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Was she pregnant?”

“No.”

I let it drop, not wanting to force him into something he didn’t want to reveal.

His next question made my stomach knot up.

“Have you ever been married?”

I felt the breath catch in my throat and quickly broke our eye contact.

He was quiet a moment, just smoothing his hand over my back. And when he spoke again, it was in a hushed tone. “I’ve had my heart broken too many times to even remember.”

I pulled back from him, shaking my head. “No, this,” I motioned to myself, “isn’t just a broken heart. My whole life is broken. I was merrily skipping along, then suddenly, bam, I go careening off a cliff that came out of nowhere.” I could hear the tremors in my voice, but I forced my eyes to meet his. “And now I’m broken; completely shattered and I don’t know how to fix myself.”

He reached for me, but I rose from the couch.

“You don’t get it. You think I’m afraid of love or …or relationships. But, it’s not that…” fresh tears now streaked my cheeks, “it’s that I have nothing left inside. I have nothing to give. The one man that I ever truly loved is gone…forever. I don’t feel like I’m even living anymore. I just move…go through the day and the motions, put on an act so people at least think I’m okay. But I’m not. Inside, I am so broken that I feel numb to it all. And you,” I watched him through my tears, “think that we were brought together by some greater being. You think we belong together, or whatever it is that you think, but you have no idea the kind of mess my life is in. You sit there and you try to figure me out, you try to guess or judge, but you can’t. You can’t do any of those things because you don’t know, you never have, and you never will know every little thing that I have been through. So, don’t talk to me about some greater force, don’t talk to me about destiny or fate, because the last thing I want to hear, is that it was my destiny that got my husband killed.”

I don’t think he knew what to make of my outburst. He didn’t say anything, just watched me with a look I couldn’t even read. And then he stood, moving to me and towering over my small frame.

I shrank back, feeling my heart still racing from the adrenaline coursing through my body. I hadn’t meant to go off on him, I didn’t want to hurt him, but it had to be said.

Suddenly, he was gripping my upper arms and hauling my body to his, crushing our mouths together.

It caught me too off guard to pull back, and the strong grip on my arms told me I wasn’t going anywhere.

His kiss chased my breath away. One hand snaked around to my back and up into my hair, holding my head to his, his mouth nibbling at my lower lip.

He consumed me; my lips tingled, my blood began heating up, my skin flushed. I tried to pull away, but he held me closer, invading my mouth with his tongue, teasing it at my own and eliciting a tiny groan from my throat.

His hand left my arm and he wrapped it around me, pressing the length of his body against mine, his fingers curled into my hair.

My head was spinning; I didn’t know what way was up or down. I was hot, and needing, and began to respond back as my own hands grabbed at his shoulders.

And then he was pulling back, keeping a firm hold on me, his chest heaving against my own. “Tell me you felt that.” His voice was low and husky and it made my knees wobble.

I couldn’t think, let alone speak. My lips felt swollen and my cheeks were ablaze with heat.

His hand slipped from my hair and moved to my chin, tilting it to face him. “Open your eyes.” He spoke firmly, but his words held a gentle tone.

My lids fluttered open and I tried to focus on his face.

“Better.” He spoke, once our eyes locked. He cupped my cheek with his hand, his head just inches from mine. “Now, tell me you felt that.”

I gave a little nod, trying to wrap my head around that kiss.

“Say it.”

The words seemed stuck inside and I had to clear my throat before I could speak. “I…felt it…”

“You’re alive, Morgan.” He pressed his forehead to mine, his fingers smoothing along my warm cheek. “You can’t cling to your anger, or your hurt or even the pain. They use up all your energy. Take that energy and focus on the here and now. The past is what it is; the past. You can’t change it. All you can do is let it go. You have to learn to live for yourself. Be who you want to be, not who others want you to be. Feel what you want to feel, not what they want you to feel.” He wet his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue before speaking again. “Because you can feel, and you are alive inside; even if you don’t see it yet.”

I had no words. My eyes shimmered with tears and I held to him tightly, just knowing if he let go I would crumble to the floor. His words had touched something deep inside; stirring my soul, and I knew after tonight nothing was going to be the same.

We stood like that for I don’t know how long before he finally guided me back to the couch. His arms wrapped around me and he held me close, pressing soft and lingering kisses to my head, forehead, temple and cheeks. It felt so nice to have a warm body against mine, to hear his heart beating, to watch the rise and fall of his chest with every breath he took. I had to smooth my hand down his arm to make sure he was real; not just a figment of my imagination. But he was real, he was very real and it made my pulse race just thinking about him.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” His voice finally broke the silence that had settled over us.

I shifted in his arms and glanced up to his face. “Um… I’m supposed to go shopping with a friend. I think she wanted to do lunch too, but I don’t remember at the moment.”

“Ooh,” he gave a nod, his fingers ghosting along my upper arm. “So, that means, I have to have you home bright and early, huh?”

I gave a little shrug and watched as my own fingers began to trace little patterns on his bare chest. “I could call her and move it to later in the afternoon if you didn’t want to.”

“Or…” He drew the word out, “you could call her and cancel and then spend all day here with me.”

The grin that covered his face was so adorable and I couldn’t help but reach up and touch his cheek. “I could do that too, you’re right.”

“So you will?”

“Hmm… I don’t know. She was pretty intent on going shopping.”

“Well, I’m sure if you tell her you’re spending the day with a wonderful and very handsome man she would be just fine in rescheduling.”

“You’re probably right.” I watched my fingers smooth along his skin. “What would we do if I stayed?”

“Whatever you want to do. The sky’s the limit.”

I arched a brow. “Really? So… if I said let’s fly to Paris and visit the Louvre, we would?”

He watched me unblinking. “Do you have a passport?”

I gave a nod.

“Then absolutely. You take a few days off work and we’re there.”

I blinked, eying him with a rather disbelieving expression. “Uh huh.”

He raised one eyebrow, that simple action causing a chill to spread over me. “You don’t believe me?”

I wasn’t sure what I believed. “I just…I mean… that’s … a lot and we’re …we….” I was having a hard time conveying my thoughts.

“It’s too soon for the Louvre, huh? Why don’t we start with something like the Grand Canyon?”

“What?”

“How ‘bout we drive to the Grand Canyon? Have you ever been there?”

I gaped at him. “Are you serious?”

“Of course.” He reached and laced our fingers together. “It’s about a seven hour drive. We could stay a couple nights, even take the dogs. You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen something like the canyon.”

This man was unreal. “I can’t just take off and go to the Grand Canyon; I have work.” Besides, I didn’t know him well enough to go off traipsing over the country with him.

“That’s too bad. It’s really beautiful; I think you would have enjoyed it.”

“I think we should just spend Sunday doing something simple like…sunbathing or going to a movie.”

A slow smirk covered his lips. “So, you’re going to reschedule with your friend.”

I gave a low chuckle at how he had trapped me into that. Very sneaky. “Yeah, I suppose I am.”

“Good.” He wrapped his arm back around my shoulders and drew me closer to his chest. “And maybe one day we’ll get to the Louvre.”

I wasn’t sure how far we would get, but if tonight was any inclination, I had a feeling he’d be around for a good while. Rather I wanted him to be or not.

Sunday, I called Dianna to see if we could reschedule. Of course she was fine with that and even finer with it when she found out who I was spending the day with. I had to promise to call her with all the sordid details of course, but I didn’t intend to. What was happening between Alex and me I wanted to keep between us. There was something there and until I was confident I knew what it was, I didn’t want to go running my mouth about it. Part of me also felt that the bond we were slowly forming was too special at the moment to gossip about. Dianna would just have to wait.

Alex made us breakfast after we finally met downstairs in the kitchen close to 11am. I shuffled in with a freshly washed face and dressed in clean clothes to find him already scrambling eggs and flipping pancakes. He still wore the pajama pants and I paused a moment to admire how they hung on his frame. A blush crept over my cheeks as he glanced to me and I quickly looked away.

“How’d you sleep?” He questioned as he took some plates from the cabinet and set them on the counter.

I slipped onto a stool there at the counter. “Once I finally fell asleep, pretty well.”

“Yeah, I finally drifted off eventually as well.”

“That bed in your guestroom is really comfy. It felt like I was lying on a cloud.”

“You think that one’s nice, you oughta try my bed.” He glanced my way as he piled our plates with food.

“Is it like sleeping on a cloud?”

“It’s like sleeping on a dozen clouds.” He set my plate in front of me then moved to his fridge. “Whatcha wanna drink?”

“Um, do you have apple juice?”

“I do.”

“Great, thank you.” I unfolded a napkin in my lap then took my fork. “This looks and smells really good.”

“I hope you like it.” He slid a glass of apple juice in front of me then took his own spot on the stool next to mine.

I began to butter the toast and glanced over to him, making a face at the ketchup he was squirting onto his eggs. “Ew.”

He looked to me. “What? This?” He motioned towards the concoction and chuckled when I gave a nod. “Have you ever tried it?”

A shudder ran down my back. “No. My husband would eat it that way too, sometimes and always try to get me—” I stopped mid sentence. I hadn’t meant to let anything slip out about Hugh.

Alex didn’t seem fazed. “I think your husband had very good taste.”

I wet my bottom lip and studied the food on my plate, not feeling very hungry anymore. “Yeah…”

“I mean, he liked ketchup on scrambled eggs…and he married you.”

My head snapped in his direction and I found him watching me with an amused expression.

“I like you, Morgan. I think that much is very obvious.”

I could only nod. “It… is.”

“Good.” He smirked then turned back to his food.

“But ketchup on eggs is not good taste.”

“Depends on who you ask.”

“Me, and I say no.”

He chuckled and emphasized his own point by taking a big bite of the food, giving an ‘mmm’ as he ate it.

I couldn’t help but giggle then took a mouthful of my plain eggs, giving an ‘mmm’ of my own.

“You should really try this,” Alex encouraged after wiping his mouth. Quickly, he swiped the ketchup and was holding it over my eggs in a threatening manner.

“Nooo!” I laughed low and tried to cover the plate. “Don’t you dare!”

“Aww, what’s wrong? It’s just a little ketchup.” He shook the bottle some.

I laughed and tried to pull my plate away. “No, I like my eggs plain.”

“Alright,” he conceded and returned the ketchup back to its rightful spot, “You don’t want to try a new thing, that’s fine with me.”

I watched him, trying to decide if he was still being playful. “It’s not about trying new things; it’s about finding something you like and sticking with it.”

“Sometimes it’s good to broaden your horizons.”

“Oh believe me,” I stirred my fork around in the eggs, “I’ve broadened my horizons plenty these last few years.”

He gave a shrug and returned to his food. “So, tell me what he was like.”

I blinked, my head turning in his direction. “Why?”

A shrug, “Just curious; I’m sure he was an amazing guy.”

I wet my bottom lip, wondering why he was so interested in finding out about Hugh. “He was.”

“What’d he do?”

“Excuse me?”

His penetrating eyes met mine. “His job, a career. What was it?”

I felt a little sense of relief washing over me. I had for a split second thought Alex was asking me how he had passed. “Oh. He was a sports writer.”

“Was he any good?”

I had moved my gaze back upon my plate of food, not feeling very hungry anymore. “One of the best; he’d won a few awards.”

“Ooh, sounds like he knew his stuff.”

“He really did.”

We were quiet for a few moments then Alex spoke again.

“What did he look like?”

I felt a small lump forming in my throat. “Um, you know, I don’t think I’m really comfortable talking about this with you yet.”

His dark head gave a nod and he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I can respect that.”

“Thank you.” I was now just stirring the food around on the plate.

There was another moment of silence and I managed to nibble on the toast, the crumbs feeling like sawdust in my throat.

“Can I ask you a question?”

I glanced over to find those soul stirring eyes upon me. The moment they met mine, something twinged familiarly in my chest. “…what’s that?” For some reason my heart was beginning to pound in my ears.

He just watched me a moment, his eyes searching my face before speaking, “Why are you holding onto him so tightly?”

I felt a pressure spreading slowly through my chest. “Wh…what?”

“Morgan,” he reached over and plucked the fork from my hand before clasping it with both of his, “holding onto what you have gone through, and him, is not healthy.”

My brows furrowed. “Are you saying I’m not healthy?”

“No, baby,” he pulled my hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to my knuckles, “but you don’t move forward by holding onto the past.”

“Who says I want to move forward!” The words came out harsher than I had intended, but I didn’t back down.

He didn’t seem fazed, however. “Don’t you want to? Why cling to the pain? Yesterday is gone, Morgan. All that’s left is today and tomorrow. Why are you holding onto something that is hurting you so much?”

I gave a sigh, not having the energy to get into this emotional conversation with him once more. “Why do we have to analyze and figure it out? Can’t we just be?”

He arched a single brow. “Is that what you want? To just…be?”

My eyes pleaded with him to just let it go. “Yes.”

He gave a nod then reached up and cupped my face, drawing me towards him. I hardly had time to even blink before his mouth was covering mine.

The kiss was soft, but was fueled by something deeper, and as his lips claimed mine, I felt a hard shiver run right through me. He had caught me off guard and made quite sure my head was spinning before I had time to recover and realize what he was doing. His mouth nibbled at mine and he teased his tongue at my lower lip, sucking it gently into his mouth then letting it free before kissing me like that all over again.

I could feel the heat that was slowly starting to work its way up through me, and as he intensified the kiss, and swept his tongue into my mouth, I felt that part of me that I had long forgotten, the part I had locked away start to reveal itself. It was what made me a woman, what drew two people together, the very core of oneself. Sexuality; raw and pure. I had pushed it away after Hugh’s death and now this man was slowly revealing it to me again.

His tongue was teasing mine as he kissed the very breath from my body. One hand smoothed into my hair and he tangled his fingers in it, the other ghosting along the side of my neck, sending goosebumps racing along my skin. I felt the small fire low in my belly and groaned softly against his mouth. Inside my chest my heart was beating a mile a minute and echoing in my ears. I was sure he could hear it and when his fingers tightened in my hair and he kissed me with a harder, unbridled passion, I knew he could.

His mouth seemed to devour mine, heat seeping into and slowly filling me. He was pulling me closer and closer to that line and I was dangerously close to crossing it. I could feel the simmering inside, the urges and needs he was stirring up were starting to come to life and I knew if I didn’t get away, if I didn’t squelch them, they would soon rage out of control. But I was powerless to stop him; he consumed me, pulled me under and wrapped me in all that was him. He was surrounding me; his scent, his taste, his sound, all that was Alex. It made my head spin and the pounding of my heart echoed loudly in my ears.

Finally, he pulled back, his hand still tangled in my hair, our mouths inches apart.

My chest gave sharp heaves and my eyelids fluttered, but stayed closed. I wasn’t even going to attempt to think yet.

When he spoke, his voice was low and thick and full of desire and want. “You still want to just …be?”

I couldn’t speak; I was barely able to manage a small squeak. My lids fluttered and then slowly opened and I had to blink them a few times to clear the blurry haze that had taken over my vision. It had just been a kiss, but it had shaken me to my very core, and as his face cleared and our eyes met, I knew nothing was going to be the same between us.

“I could kiss you until our breath becomes one,” He spoke low again and his words sent chills through me.

I didn’t know quite what to say, and for once I didn’t have any concrete thoughts.

He must have sensed that, because he gave a low chuckle and finally smoothed his hand from my hair, brushing my neck and collarbone before pulling it away. “You okay?”

I gave a little nod; at least I thought I was okay.

Those mesmerizing eyes bore into mine. “Did I kiss you speechless?” He chuckled low at that and took my hand, pressing his lips to my knuckles.

He must have, because I had nothing; no words, no thoughts, nada. That was a first.

His lips curved into a slow, sexy smirk. “If I had known kissing you would make you speechless, I’d have done it a long time ago.”

I blushed and pushed at his shoulder gently. “Shush.”

He laughed and caught my hand. “It’s true; I haven’t had a reaction like that from a girl in a long time.”

“You go around kissing a lot of girls?” I lifted a brow.

“Ooh, she speaks.”

I giggled low, “Hush.”

He wouldn’t let me pull my hand away. “You hush.”

“I already did.”

“Heh, I should kiss you again.”

“It’s not too late for me to call Dianna back and meet her for shopping.”

He laughed low at that, arching his brows. “You wouldn’t.”

I eyed him. “Try me and find out.”

“It might be worth it.”

I giggled and finally got my hand back, sitting back on my stool and putting some space between us. “I think my breakfast is cold.”

He let me change the subject and offered to heat it up for me, but I declined. Who liked reheated scrambled eggs? Not me.

We made it through the rest of breakfast without incident and then cleaned the kitchen together. Alex tried to stop me, but I threatened to douse him with the sprayer attached to the sink and he finally obliged.

Afterward, we lounged on his sofa, just making it a lazy Sunday afternoon. Those were the best kind though; just chilling and relaxing, not a care in the world. At least pretending there wasn’t a care in the world. He put the TV onto some movie channel and National Lampoon’s Vacation, starring Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid, was soon playing on the screen. Not my favorite, but humorous enough to watch.

It kept us entertained though and by the end of the movie, I was curled up against Alex, my head tucked against his chest and his arm around me, absentmindedly twirling my hair with his fingers. I don’t think either of us really noticed how we had ended up snuggled together, but it was nice and I felt protected and wanted, maybe even a little needed.

The credits began rolling across the screen and I smoothed my fingers over the skin on his chest. “Chevy Chase is so annoying.”

He tilted his head and looked down to me. “You don’t like Chevy Chase?”

I gave a shrug. “He’s okay, just…annoying in those National Lampoon movies.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We didn’t have to watch it. You shoulda said something.”

“No,” I shook my head and lifted it from him, meeting his gaze, “I don’t mind watching it; he just annoys me.”

A grin tugged at his lips and he reached his hand up, brushing some hair from my face. “What kind of movies do you like?”

“I don’t really have a favorite genre. I can watch anything from comedies to dramas to suspense.”

“Horrors?”

I made a cute little face. “Sometimes. They freak me out, but I can stomach ‘em.”

He chuckled, “Next time we’ll watch something scary.”

I giggled lowly, “You just want me all close and hanging onto you.”

“Mhmm, that’s exactly what I want.” He wiggled his brows at me and pulled me closer.

I laughed and settled against his chest again. “I need to go home eventually and let Daisy out. She probably needs to pee something awful.”

“Ooh,” He made a little face. “You want me to take you on home?”

I glanced up at him, knowing I needed to, but not sure if I wanted to. “Do….you want to come with?”

He lifted his brows. “To your place?”

“Yeah,” I shrugged, “you don’t have to; you’re probably getting tired of me, huh?”

“No, baby,” he smoothed his fingers through my hair, “I don’t think I could ever get tired of you.”

“Oh yeah right,” I chuckled and sat up straight, watching him.

A teasing grin tugged at his lips. “Well, at least not for a long, long while.”

I giggled then kissed his cheek and pulled myself up from the couch. “Lemme go get my things and we can go if you want to.”

“Sure.” He pushed himself up and grabbed the remote, shutting the television off. “I gotta go change, but I’ll meet you down here in a few minutes.”

“Kay.” I watched him with a cute grin as he tossed the remote back onto the sofa then strolled from the room.

Following him, we made our way up the stairs then parted ways at the bedrooms. I moved into the guest room and gathered my bag, doing a once over and making sure I had everything. I didn’t know if Alex was going to come on over to my place and stay awhile, but he hadn’t said he wouldn’t. Something had changed last night after that kiss in the living room and then again in the kitchen. I couldn’t explain what I was thinking or feeling, but I didn’t sense the same caution or hesitances I’ve had sense Hugh’s death. In fact, Alex made me feel calm and happy and wanted.

I had no idea what was going to happen between us, or how far it would go or how serious it would get, but I knew I wanted to be around him. If I let myself dwell on my deceased husband I knew those old feelings would creep back in. So, I had to make sure I didn’t. I didn’t want to feel that loneliness or sadness that his memories filled me with. I needed to start learning how to honor his memory and not let it seclude me from all of my family and friends. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy road to travel and that along the way I would probably have plenty of setbacks, but I had to start somewhere.

I wanted to learn how to live again and I was hoping that Alex would show me. Maybe angels were real after all.

The next couple of days passed smoothly. Alex did indeed come over for a couple hours on Sunday. We spent most the time outside on the patio watching Daisy chase butterflies then ordered some Chinese Takeout before he left to return home. He kissed me again just before heading out and it left me as breathless as that morning in his kitchen. I realized I wasn’t against his kisses, nor was I against him. I did know I wanted to take things slow; very slow. The last thing I needed was to rush into any kind of a romantic relationship when I was still trying to learn how to overcome my grief and move on with my life. And if I did have some freak-out moments and tried to push him away, something told me he wouldn’t be so easily swayed. It felt soothing to know that I would be allowed to handle this and heal in my own way, on my own time without the fear of him growing tired and moving on.

I realized I didn’t want him to move on.

That frightened me. We hadn’t known each other long, we were just getting to be comfortable around the other and starting to get to know one another in depth, but I knew I didn’t want him leaving.

“Well, you seem in better spirits today.” Anna perched herself on the edge of my desk.

It was Tuesday and I had just gotten off the phone with the Kyle Weatherly. Things were moving along perfectly for the purchase of their dream home and it would only be a matter of time before inspections were being done and we were drawing up contracts. The Martin’s, however, weren’t as fortunate. The bank hadn’t come through on their lien and so they had to start all over again. We had some appointments Thursday to see some new listings that had come over at the end of last week. I was still waiting to hear from Mr. Playboy; Peter Berkins. He was supposed to call this week with his decision on the one beach house we had found that seemed to fit what he was looking for. The Lord only knows if he’d make an offer. I was hoping.

“Mmhmm, I had a good weekend.”

“Really?” She arched her brows as a sly little grin formed on her lips. “What did you do?”

I shrugged. “Well, on Sunday, I just lazed around, but Saturday I went over to Catalina Island with a friend and spent the day there.”

“Oh yeah?” She watched me with a look I hadn’t deciphered yet. “Why didn’t you tell me this yesterday?”

I leaned forward and began to collect the papers for the Weatherly account. “You were out most the day showing houses. I think we only talked in passing.”

“True,” she was quiet for a moment, “so, who’s the friend?”

I blinked then glanced to my watch. “Crap, what time is it?”

“11:30.”

“Already? I’ve got to meet someone at noon across town. Shoot.” I quickly rose to my feet and grabbed up my bag.

“You’re not going to tell me who you spent Saturday with?”

“No, I’m late.” I rifled through my bag and pulled out my keys. “I’ll talk to you later though, kay?” Then without waiting for a response, I hurriedly strode towards the doors that would take me out to the parking lot and my car.

I hadn’t been trying to avoid Anna’s question. She would probably think so, but that wasn’t the case. I had a friendly lunch date with Andrew at noon and if traffic were as horrible as normal, I’d probably be ten minutes late. The time had completely escaped me.

It was rather convenient on my part that my friend’s questions had come when they had, I didn’t want to avoid her, but I didn’t want to tell her about Alex. Dianna was the only one that really knew anything about him and for the time being that’s how I wanted it to stay. I couldn’t lie to Anna though and she’d see right through my “just a friend” line. I was going to have to use the next couple of hours to think up some kind of truthful response.

~*~*~*~*~

“There you are.”

Andrew greeted me with a relieved expression as I was led to the table in the cozy little Bistro by the hostess.

“Yes, sorry I’m late. I got wrapped up with work.” I set my purse on the table and gave his hand a squeeze when he stood and stretched it towards me.

“It’s no problem, I was thinking traffic.” He placed a chaste kiss to my cheek then pulled out my chair. “Have a seat.”

I thanked him then smoothed my a-line skirt and slipped into the seat.

“So, how are you?” He questioned once we were both settled again and the server had stopped by to take our drink orders.

I nodded some and fiddled with the edge of the menu. “Doing good, thank you. How are you? How was New York?”

“I’m excellent,” He flashed a charming grin showing off his dimples, “and New York is New York, busy and bustling and wonderful.”

“How’s your project coming along?”

Andrew gave a chuckle and smoothed his tie. “It’s still there. Things got off to a rough start, but they’re beginning to settle.”

“Oh,” I made a little face then gave a nod, “well that’s good.”

“Yes it is.” He smiled again then thanked the girl that brought us our drinks. We requested another few moments to look the menu over and she moved off to check on another table.

“Guess that means we should look at the menu.” I laughed low and flipped it open, taking a minute to read over the selections. “I’ve never been here, what’s good?”

“Everything,” came his response. “Are you in the mood for a sandwich, salad…steak?” His piercing blue eyes glanced overtop his menu to me.

“Um… maybe a salad or a sandwich; nothing heavy or filling.”

“They have a really good turkey burger.” He pointed it out to me and I read the description over.

“I dunno…”

“Chicken Caesar Salad?”

“Hm…no.”

“The Ahi Tuna Salad?”

“No….” I rubbed my head. I wasn’t sure what I was in the mood for.

From across the table, Andrew chuckled low. “Are you even hungry?”

I glanced over to him. “Well, yeah… I just… I don’t know what I’m in the mood for.”

He studied me and it made me want to squirm in my chair. “Is something bothering you?”

“No.” I shook my head and tucked some hair behind my ear.

I wasn’t sure if he believed me or not, but he smiled and turned back to his menu. “They have good Panini’s.”

I read the selections over, but didn’t see anything that caught my eye. “I think I’ll do a wrap. Ooh, they have a roasted turkey one.”

“I’ve had that one, it’s very good.”

“Okay, that’s what I’ll have.” Satisfied with finally making a decision, I set my menu down and leaned back in the chair. “What are you going to get?”

Andrew blinked some then gave a laugh that made me smile. “I dunno yet. I’ve been so caught up in finding something you’ll like I forgot all about myself.”

I giggled a little bit. “I’m sorry.” And then I was flipping the menu open once more and reading it over. “Okay, let’s see here… what are you in the mood for?”

“I think I want the fish tacos. I had started to read about them before you arrived.”

I wrinkled my nose in a cute manner. “Fish tacos. That doesn’t sound very appealing.”

He gave a light hearted laugh. “They’re delicious. They come with salsa, sour cream, Spanish rice.”

“Ew, but fish with Mexican styled food? How is that good?”

“I’m not sure,” he chuckled then gave a shrug, “it just is.”

I let it drop and soon we ordered the meals. Andrew told me about the different issues he was facing at work with the new project while we waited for the food to be prepared. After it had been served, I talked about the three clients I had been busy over the last week with. He laughed as I filled him in on Peter Berkins and then he asked if he had hit on me yet. Thank goodness he hadn’t, or I wouldn’t be able to help him. He’d be finding himself a new realtor, or a sexual harassment lawsuit, or quite possibly, both.

After the plates were cleared away, and we were relaxing in that ‘after lunch’ atmosphere, Andrew leaned back in his chair and smoothed his tie, just watching me with those piercing eyes.

“So, other then your clients, what’s been going on with you?”

I lifted my brows. “What do you mean?”

“I’m assuming your whole life doesn’t revolve around work.”

“Oh,” I chuckled and shook my head, “not at all.”

He gave a low laugh of his own and watched me with amusement. “So, what else have you been doing?”

I tilted my head and thought back over the previous week. “I’ve spent some time with some friends, went to the beach, tried out this seafood place over in Calabasas, went to Catalina Island on Saturday and…” I shrugged some, “have just been around. I don’t have a very exciting life.”

He lifted his brows. “You want an exciting life? How about coming out to New York this weekend and joining me at this dinner thing the Mayor is having.”

I blinked, “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

I think my eyes grew three sizes. “You… you want me to fly to New York and go to dinner with you and the mayor?” I had thought we were just friends.

Andrew remained casual about the whole thing. “You said you had a boring life. That’d make it a little bit exciting.” He held up his hand, using his fingers to gesture ‘a little bit’.

I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “I…that’s….”

“You’d have a good time. You could come Friday afternoon and the dinner is Saturday night. We could go sightseeing during the day and then have brunch somewhere Sunday before you head back home.”

I did not know this man well enough to fly across the country for a weekend with him. “I don’t know, Andrew … I have work, and that’s so sudden. Besides, where would I stay? Last minute flights are expensive. Dinner with the mayor of New York sounds like a serious thing, I wouldn’t have anything to wear appropriate enough. And last time I checked we were just friends…what you’re suggesting sounds a little more serious than that.”

He reached across the table and took my hand. “It’s as serious as we make it. I know you want to just be friends and that’s all this dinner would be, a friendly dinner.”

I still wasn’t sure I could agree to something like that. “I… dunno,” a sigh, “I just told a friend I couldn’t go to the Grand Canyon with them because it was too sudden and I didn’t know them well enough.” My eyes searched his. “New York is a lot farther than the Grand Canyon.”

“True, but you’re from Connecticut. You’ve probably been to New York a hundred times. And you could see your family if you wanted to instead of sightseeing.” He ran a hand over the front of his shirt. “As for the expenses, I’d pick up the tab and no complaints from you,” He pointed a finger at me as he spoke that last part. “Friend to friend and,” he chuckled low, “I need a date for this dinner…even if it’s just a friendly date.”

I rubbed my forehead; I just wasn’t comfortable with this idea. “I don’t know, Andrew.”

He wet his bottom lip and gave a little nod. “That’s okay. I understand if you’re not comfortable with the whole idea.”

“I think we just need to be closer friends before you start paying for me to fly to New York for a weekend.”

He chuckled. “I really need a date for this dinner thing. I have a friend in New York that was going to go, but her mother is having surgery and she had to fly home to be with her.”

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” He squeezed my hand then finally let it go. “I’ll find someone though.”

“Of course you will.”

“Yeah,” he watched me with a little grin, “and next time I have an affair to attend to here in LA, I’m calling you.”

I returned his grin with one of my own. “Well, next time you do, I’ll go with you.”

He leaned forward and took the bill the server had set down. “I’m holding you to that.”

I giggled softly and watched as he paid the bill, refusing money from me, then together we headed from the restaurant and bid our goodbyes before parting ways.

It was on the way back to the office that I realized I still didn’t know what I was going to tell Anna.

~*~*~*~*~

“So, who’d you go to Catalina Island with?”

She had cornered me at my desk just before five. I thought she must have forgotten about that question because she hadn’t tried to get any answers since I had gotten back from lunch. And now I knew why; she wanted me to think she had forgotten so I wouldn’t try to high tail it out of there or avoid her. She was sneaky, that’s for sure.

“Why are you so curious?” I remained calm and began clearing my desk of papers.

“Was it a date?”

Darn it. “Um….maybe.”

“Maybe? Ooh, Morgan! Who are you dating?”

I sighed and set the folder in my hands onto the desk. “Keep your voice down, I don’t need the entire office hearing about my personal life.”

Anna chuckled and lowered her voice, leaning in towards me. “Sorry.” She waited just a moment then spoke again, “So, who was this date with? I thought you weren’t really ready to get back into the swing of things.”

“I’m…” I wasn’t sure how to explain it. “Well… I’m not really, but… this isn’t like… normal dating. We’re…um….” What were we? I didn’t even know.

She watched me, waiting for me to continue my explanation.

I sighed and rubbed my head. “I don’t know what we are, but we went to the Island on Saturday and spent the day.” I wasn’t telling her about the rest of the date.

“What do you mean; you don’t know what you are? You went on a date, right? You’re dating. Unless…you don’t like him and want to see him again?” She chuckled low at that. “Was it a bad date?”

“No,” I shook my head and swiveled in my chair some, “the date went well and we got along great.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “Are you worried because you don’t think you’re ready to date yet?”

“A little bit.”

“You just take it one date at a time, Morgan,” her head tilted as she spoke. “Don’t let him rush you into anything and if you need to space them out …do so. Keep the ball in your court.”

“He wants to know what happened with Hugh. What kind of guy he was.”

“Does he know you were married?”

I nodded, remembering how I’d just let it all out that night on his couch.

“Does he know Hugh has passed?”

Another nod.

“And now he wants details?”

“Right.”

“How do you feel about telling him?”

This is where my emotions became mixed. “I don’t know. I want… him to know, but I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it. I don’t think I want him to see me that vulnerable and…hurting. I don’t want to give him the power to hurt me more. Or to know what could tear me apart completely.”

Her eyes searched my face. That was something I appreciated so much about Anna, she may have no idea what was going on, but she never dug deep enough to make me spill. When I was ready to tell her, I would and until then she’d wait. I knew she had to be madly wondering who this guy was and where we met, but she wouldn’t ask until I volunteered the information on my own.

“Do you think he would do that?” She finally questioned in a gentle manner.

I wet my bottom lip and shook my head. “No.”

Her smile was a comforting one. “Then what are you waiting for?”

I mulled it over in my head; the new realizations Anna had helped me with were making my chest feel a bit lighter. “What if something happens? What if we get close and then…he’s taken away too?” I could feel tears threatening to appear in my eyes. The thought of having to go through that heartbreak and grief and all the emotions was just too much. I couldn’t do it again.

“Aww, Morgan…” she sighed and reached out, touching my shoulder. “God never gives us what we cannot handle. If you really truly could not go through something like that again then it won’t happen.

“I’m not handling it now and he did it.”

She pressed her lips together and just watched me, gathering her thoughts before speaking again.

“You’re surviving, Morgan. You’re coming through that horrible tragedy slowly, but surely. Yes, you’re going to have scars, but it really is making you a stronger person; as cliché as that sounds. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And now you’re being molded and changed into this new Morgan, who can use her past experiences to help herself and those around her. You’re learning things about yourself you didn’t know, you’re learning things about people that you did not know, and you’re learning things about life in general that you did not know. Horrible things happen to people every day, but with every tragedy comes something beautiful and amazing and it may take awhile to see it, but it’s there.”

I listened to her, realizing that she was right about everything. I was left scarred and damaged, but I was a stronger person now and I was a different Morgan than before Hugh’s death. And I could take my experiences and the lessons I had learned, take the horrible tragedy and do nothing, sit on it and wallow in my misery, or I could take the situation and make the most of it, use it to help others. I wasn’t entirely sure what the beautiful thing that had come out of losing my husband was yet, but I certainly hoped I figured it out soon.

“You’re right.” My eyes met her own.

She gave a nod, keeping her tone gentle and soft, “I know. And I can tell there’s something going on with you about this guy. I don’t know him, but I know that you wouldn’t allow yourself to be involved with someone that wasn’t right for you. I say, take that blind leap of faith and go for it. Tell him what happened to you, let him know and come into your world. Let your walls down, Morgan. You may find it’s easier than you think. Besides, you may find out what you’re leaping into is more wonderful than where you jumped from.”

’It’s easier than you think.’ Her words echoed in my ears. ’What you’re leaping into is more wonderful than where you jumped from.’

Was she right?

There was only one way to find out.

That night I called Alex.

“Hello?” He answered on the second ring and just the sound of his voice made my tummy flutter.

I bit my bottom lip, “Hey.”

“Hey!” Warmth filled his tone as he recognized my voice, or checked his caller ID and saw my name. “How are you?”

I was curled into the corner of my couch, legs tucked up under me and Daisy lounging at the floor close by. “I’m okay. How are you? How’s Bernie?”

“He’s managing. Had a doctor’s appointment today and he’s scheduled for surgery next week. They’re going to try to remove all the lumps they can and then we’ll take it from there.”

I gave a pout, feeling that sadness creeping in, “I’m so sorry, Alex.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Well, I know that, but I’m sorry you have to deal with something like this.”

“I know you are. What are you doing on Wednesday?”

I smiled softly, “Sitting with you while Bernie is in surgery.”

“Thank you.” I could hear the gratefulness in his voice.

I was finding myself wanting to cuddle him and hold him close again. “You’re welcome. What time?”

“Um, he’s scheduled to go in at ten.”

“You want me to meet you there?”

“Why don’t you just come on over to my place and we can go together.”

I gave a nod and looked to where my own dog was peacefully sleeping, “I can do that.”

“Thank you.”

I peeked to the phone, “What are you doing tonight?”

“I didn’t have anything planned,” he paused, “do you want to do something?”

I gave a little shrug, Anna’s words still fresh in my mind. “I thought maybe you could come over. Have you eaten yet? I have some of those DiGiorno pizzas.”

He chuckled low, “You’re going to feed me frozen pizzas?”

“They taste like delivery.”

He laughed, “How ‘bout I come cook you something?”

I peeked to the phone, “Cook in my kitchen?”

“Unless you’d rather I cook it in someone else’s kitchen then bring it over.”

I could hear the teasing tone to his voice and chuckled, “I haven’t been to the grocery store yet so the selection is limited, but you’re more than welcome to come cook for me. You made excellent eggs and pancakes the other day.”

“I make even better lasagna or chicken parmesan.”

“How’s spaghetti?”

“That works too.” I could tell he was grinning.

I was smiling myself. “Okay, so … I’ll see you soon?”

“Sure will, babe.”

We bid our goodbyes then I hung up, gave a little sigh then fell back into the sofa. I could do this, have a nice dinner with Alex and then afterward, sit down and tell him about my past. He knew the main points anyway, so what harm could filling in the gaps do?

~*~*~*~*~

After a relaxing, and very tasty, dinner of lasagna, garlic bread and some kind of Greek salad Alex put together, we moved into the living room and sank onto the sofa. Alex had arrived an hour after our phone call. He had Bernie and a bag of groceries with him. Daisy about peed the carpet she got so excited at seeing the other dog and I had to put them both in the backyard so they didn’t knock something over in all their happy doggy galore. Alex had wanted to cook, but I insisted on helping him so together we made up the lasagna and tossed a salad. I probably hadn’t laughed more in three months then I did in the kitchen with him. He had me in stitches over little jokes and I didn’t even mind the cherry tomato food fight that ensued. It was such an easy and light hearted moment and thankfully it continued over the dinner.

Angel food cake and vanilla ice cream awaited us for later, and I was dreading having to be the one to serious up the evening. The more time I spent with this man the more I realized how good I felt during and after. I was starting to feel like my usual self again and I worried that this conversation would deplete that and make everything awkward and uncomfortable.

“Thank you again for dinner,” I smiled warmly at him as we relaxed on opposite sides of the sofa.

He flashed a friendly smile back, “You’ve thanked me about a half dozen times now.”

“I know,” I chuckled low, “and I’ll probably do it a half dozen more before you leave.”

“You’re right,” His head nodded some and I saw him gauging the space between us. “Why are you sitting way over there?”

I arched a brow, “Why are you sitting way over there?”

“Hm…I don’t know. Lemme fix that.” And then he was against me, slipping an arm up behind me and trailing his fingers along my bare arm. “That’s better, don’t you think?”

He smelled like warm spices with just a hint of tobacco. “I do think so.” I relaxed into his side and allowed his warmth to seep into me. “How do you think the dogs are doing?”

Both our eyes locked onto the patio door that I’d left open just enough for them to slip through if need be.

“They look comfy and relaxed out there,” Alex spoke as we watched the two furry friends lounging on the stone together.

I was observing the way Daisy would nuzzle at the Bermese every so often. “I think they’re in love.”

“It sure seems that way.”

“Do you think dogs can feel that?”

“What, love?”

I nodded and he stroked his fingers up, brushing them through my hair.

“Without a doubt.”

I smiled, “I think so too.”

His fingers stroked my hair. “I think they feel a lot of things that we humans feel. They may not think like we do, but I’m certain they can feel emotions.”

“I could tell Daisy was sad about Hugh’s death.”

I think my words caught him off guard. He didn’t respond right away, and though I wasn’t looking at him, I could feel his eyes turning back onto me.

“What would she do?” He finally spoke, his fingers stilling in my hair and resting on my shoulder.

“She’d lie by the front door just waiting for him. Or she’d wander around the house going from room to room looking for him.”

“It’s too bad they can’t understand things like that, isn’t it?”

I peeked a glance to his face and gave a little nod, “It really is. It was hard to see her sad and not knowing where he’d gone or why he wasn’t home.”

“She’s doing better now though, so that’s good.” He gave my shoulder a comforting squeeze.

“Yes.” My gaze returned to the two dogs relaxing outside in the night air with the glow from the patio light reflecting off their bodies.

“And how are you doing?”

My heart was starting to pound a little harder. “Some days are better than others.”

“I can imagine.”

“How do you do it?” I looked up to his face, searching his eyes for any sign of an answer.

“Do what? His brows drew together.

“You said you knew what it felt like to lose everything,” I replied with a simple shrug. “How did you move past that and get on with your life?”

He gave a sigh and his head relaxed back into the couch, his eyes closing for a brief moment. “My situation was nothing like what you’re going through.”

I wet my bottom lip and watched him, “I want to be able to enjoy life again. I want the old Morgan to come back. I want to be happy and not alone anymore.”

His eyes fluttered open and met mine and I felt a chill race down my spine. “You’re never going to be that old Morgan again, baby,” His knuckles brushed my cheek as he spoke, his voice filled with a new tenderness, “but you can get all those things you want, you just have to learn how to let go of what’s holding you back.”

I could feel my eyes growing misty. “And how do I do that?”

“By finding something new to hold on to.”

My heartbeat was pounding in my ears.

His fingers grazed my cheek again and I could just sense the air around us growing thick with that familiar electricity. “You could…try holding on to me…” As he spoke, his head moved slowly closer and closer to mine, his hand cupping my face.

“Hugh was in a car accident,” The words spilled from my mouth in a sudden manner.

Alex jerked some and pulled back, watching with a perplexed expression, “….What?”

I wet my bottom lip and fiddled with the hem of my shirt, “Hugh. He was in a car accident.”

“Oh…”

I could tell I had just thrown him for a loop with that outburst. “I’m sorry… I… I’ve wanted to tell you all night and just didn’t know how to bring it up. That’s not something that can easily be dinner conversation.”

“No, I guess not.” He ran a hand over his face then looked to me again. “Was it the car accident that…caused his death?”

“Yeah,” I whispered the word, my gaze falling to my hands in my lap.

“How’d…it happen? If you want to tell me, that is.”

My eyes lifted and met his and the hesitance and wariness that had set in suddenly dissipated. I wet my bottom lip, “It…had been raining; storming pretty badly, actually.”

He gave a little nod and I continued.

“He was driving back from New York City. He was a sportswriter.”

I paused again as the memories of that night began to replay through my mind like scenes from a movie; the phone call. The police escort to the hospital. The doctor’s face as he greeted me there in the emergency room. I knew the minute I saw that look in his eyes my Hugh was gone. I had fallen apart, dropping to my knees there on the floor and crying out for him. I don’t remember the rest of that night; how I got home, who brought me home, how long I sobbed there on the floor. I just know I woke in my room with the sun glaring me in the face.

“Morgan?” Alex touched my hand and I jerked back, returning to the present. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you to tell me.”

“No,” I shook my head and turned my hand over, taking his into mine, “I want to tell you. I want you to know.”

“Okay,” He nodded and gave my hand a comforting squeeze.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts, “He was supposed to be home by ten. He didn’t normally travel to the city, but he was doing a special assignment for his editor. I didn’t think much of it when he wasn’t back on time…he usually ran late with things and I figured he was caught up in something.”

The way Alex held my hand was giving me the strength I needed to continue. I paused, hesitated, faltered…but that warm hand gripping to mine as if he was keeping me from falling far into nothingness soothed me and spurred me on.

“I got a phone call sometime after midnight; Officer Sterling. He sent a car and they took me to the hospital.” I wet my bottom lip, “Hugh…never even had a chance. A semi jackknifed on the highway from the wet roads; he took a curve too fast.” I let my gaze drop to my lap.

“Oh, geeze…”

“Yeah.”

“Morgan, I’m so sorry.” He kissed the back of my hand then pressed it to his chest. “No one should have to go through something like that.”

“We had been married for just two years. Two years. We wanted to start a family, buy a cute little white house on a corner lot in a safe neighborhood. Take family vacations and spend Saturdays at the beach with our children.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” He repeated again, grasping my hand between both of his. “I don’t know what to tell you about why that happened to you or him. I don’t think things like ‘it’ll get better’ or ‘you’ll get through this’ even really matter when you’re feeling or going through something like that.” He seemed to be searching for the right words, “All I can say is that when one door closes…another one opens. You just can’t keep staring at the closed one because then you’ll miss the one that’s opening.”

I gave a little nod then used my free hand to wipe away some stray tears, “I… know. These last few days I’ve realized that I don’t… want to miss that door.”

A tiny smile tugged at his lips, “You won’t…I won’t let you.”

“I didn’t think you would,” I chuckled lowly, already feeling the weight lifting from my shoulders at having told him what had happened with my husband. “You know, ever since I met you my whole life has been thrown off balance.”

The smile grew on his face. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Is that a good thing?”

“I dunno, I’m still trying to figure it out.”

He laughed and brushed some hair from my face, “I think it’s a very good thing. You needed a little shaking up.”

“I need everything to seem right again, is what I need.”

“It’ll get there, babe.” He turned my hand over and began massaging my palm. It sent shivers racing down my spine. “It’s always right in the end,” those soul stirring eyes met mine, “and if it’s not right then obviously it’s not the end.”

“Are you always this optimistic?”

His eyes dropped down to my hand. “I never used to be.”

Maybe tonight I wouldn’t be the only one sharing about their past. “What happened?”

“I was in a bad place and doing things I shouldn’t have been doing.”

I could sense he was a little guarded and didn’t really want to get into it, so I didn’t push it. “I think we’ve all done things we shouldn’t have been doing. One time I skipped school to stand in line all day for concert tickets.”

“Really? For who?” He looked to me again and I could read the thankfulness at the subject change in his eyes.

“Prince. I was sixteen and he was coming to New York. So a couple friends and I ditched school and took a train to the city.”

“Oh yeah? I didn’t realize you were a Prince fan.”

“Oh of course. Prince is probably one of the greatest artists there is.”

Alex gave a little nod, “He’s a talented guy.” He tilted his head and his fingers began tracing along my arm again. “Did you get caught?”

I shook my head, “Surprisingly, no. I didn’t get home thought until like almost nine and had to tell my mom some story about tutoring some kid after school.”

He laughed, “Did she ever find out?”

“Yeah, but not until I was in college. I think it came up one night when I was home visiting and I told her. She said she always thought it was odd that I would be tutoring someone for almost six hours after school.”

We both laughed and then a silence swept into the room. Was it one of those awkward silences? I couldn’t really tell. But I was racking my brain with what to talk about next.

“So….”

“What brought you to California?”

I shook my head, “I couldn’t stay in Connecticut anymore. Things were just too overwhelming and there were way too many memories. My family was suffocating me and I felt like I was being examined under a microscope; like every little thing I did they were scrutinizing and analyzing. I just had to get away from that.”

“I totally get that.”

“Really?” I met his eyes and felt another shiver tickling down my spine.

“Oh yeah, you feel like they’re watching your every move and judging even the littlest of things.”

“You know, someday you’re going to have to tell me your secrets.” It was starting to make me a little curious as to what things he had gone through in his life.

He kissed the top of my head. “Maybe someday I will.” Then he turned the conversation back to me, “Is that why you haven’t seen your parents in awhile?”

I gave a sigh, “Yeah.”

“What are you scared of?”

What a loaded question. I smoothed my hands on my thighs and took a little breath, “I just…I’m…I’m trying so hard to just get my life back to normal and…move past everything.”

“And you’re afraid if you see them it’s going to stir it all up again and you’ll be back where you started?”

Bingo. He hit the nail squarely on the head with that one. “I guess you could say that.”

He shifted against the couch and drew me against his chest, waiting until I was comfortable before responding, “Why do you think that would happen?”

I shrugged, “I… don’t know. It’s just this …feeling I have that when I see them… everything I’m trying so hard to build out here is going to come crashing down and I’ll be right back where I was two years ago.”

“Maybe you’re not really working past it and moving on.” He wet his bottom lip and smoothed his hand along my side. “Maybe you’re just pushing it aside or suppressing it.”

My brows drew together and I glanced up to him, “Are you my therapist or the guy I’m dating?”

His brows arched and a tiny grin played over his mouth, “Are we dating?”

I blinked some, not having meant to put that out there. Even I wasn’t entirely sure what we were. “I… guess so. I mean… I don’t know. What… are we doing?”

“Well, what do you want?”

I didn’t know what I wanted. Maybe I did, but I was afraid to admit it. At least out loud to anyone else. “I…don’t know…” The words whispered from my mouth.

His fingers smoothed along my cheek, “How ‘bout we don’t put a label on it.”

How ‘bout that sounded really good. “Okay.”

“And we take things a day at a time.” His fingers were now smoothing up into my hair.

“I like that.” So far that panic in my chest hadn’t set in.

“And whatever happens…happens. Go with the flow.” His face was inching closer to mine with each spoken word.

I could feel my heart picking up speed. “Okay.”

“Okay,” He echoed my words in a low tone.

The pulse in my neck was throbbing something awful. “Are…you going to kiss me?”

“Would you let me?” His mouth was so close I could feel the heat radiating from it.

I wet my bottom lip, “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” He cocked a brow.

“Yeah…maybe; if you don’t hurt me.”

His thumb smoothed over my cheek. “I’m not gonna hurt ya, baby. You just have to trust me.”

And so I did. And he kissed me. And it was wonderful.

The next couple days passed uneventful, yet busy for me. I was suddenly swamped at work and stayed till 9pm both Wednesday and Thursday night. I probably took on more clients than I should have, but things were just moving along so easily I thought I could handle it. And so far, I seemed to be doing well. Peter Berkins finally put an offer on his beach house and Brandon and Kaitlyn Martin had found another home they wanted to make an offer on. Picking up three new clients on Wednesday hopefully won’t have been a mistake.

I didn’t get a real chance to talk with Dianna since I had cancelled our Sunday plans. She called and left a few messages, but when I wasn’t swamped in the office, I was out in the field giving tours and trying to barter between prospective buyers and homeowners on selling prices. I had it on my to-do list to call her when I got home Friday evening. I had made a promise to myself not to stay late and try to get out of there by seven at the latest. I knew she was dying to find out about this guy that had taken precedence over her Sunday plans, and while I was still guarded with all the details, I knew I could let her in on a little bit.

I was trying not to let Alex get too far into my head at the moment. He knew I wanted to take things slow and so we hadn’t spoken since he left my place on Tuesday night. I think we both needed a few days to digest everything that was happening and forming between us and so we had agreed not to speak until this weekend. He had said it was my turn to figure out the weekend date and I hadn’t even had the opportunity to think about what I might want to do. So after my conversation with Dianna, I’d be pouring over Google and trying to come up with something he’d enjoy as much as me. Almost two years in the city and I still wasn’t sure what all there was to do.

It was Dixon Giles’ voice that pulled me back to my surroundings.

“You’ve been pretty busy lately.”

My clear blue eyes blinked and I turned to find him leaning over my desk with his hands placed squarely on the wood surface. “Wh…what um…can I help you with?” I hadn’t even heard him approach.

He gave a simple shrug. “Just taking notice of all the clients you’ve been taking on.” A pause. “You trying to win the trip to Hawaii?”

A frown settled on my features. “No, I’m just doing my job.”

“Ah.”

My eyes narrowed. “What do you want, Dixon?”

He remained hunched over my desk. “I’m going to be one of the winners. With all the work you’re taking on, maybe you’ll be the other.”

“What do you want?” I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

He seemed to lean in towards me more. “Wouldn’t that be nice? Both of us together in Hawaii?”

I arched a brow. “Why would that be nice?” Nice is the last thing it would be.

“An exotic place? The two of us? My looks, your grace…we’d be good together.”

Was he seriously coming onto me? I mean, seriously? “You’re joking right.”

He blinked, and for a split second a look of hurt passed through his eyes before quickly disappearing. “Why would I joke about that? You and me, Morgan, we’d be one of those powerhouse couples. Beauty, brains, style,” his eyes seemed to rake over me, “sensuality.”

“I hope you’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, because if you are then I’m going to have to report you to Zoe,” I kept my voice calm and even, “sexual harassment is not tolerated.”

His laugh made me want to shove cotton balls into my ears. “Oh, you think this is sexual harassment?” He seemed to lean even closer to me and I recoiled back. “If you want sexual harassment, I could show you sexual harassment.”

My eyes met his without flinching at his threat. “If you don’t get out of my face and back off my desk, you’re going to wish you had never come over here.”

“Are you threatening me?” His eyes seemed to be dancing with amusement.

I wasn’t in the mood for any of his games. “Dixon, go back to your desk and leave me alone.”

“You know I’m right, baby.” He pulled back and stood straight, smoothing his shirt. “And when we get to Hawaii, you’ll finally see just how good together we are.” Then with a wink, he turned and strolled back towards his workplace.

I watched him go with utter disgust. His so-called threats had made my stomach churn and I didn’t even realize how hard I was gripping the arms of my chair until I finally flexed my fingers and found them stiff. Dixon had better not be one of those Hawaiian trip winners unless I was not one. If I did win, and that being a big if, and if I even decided to go, that being an even bigger if, Anna or someone else had better be the other ticket claimer. If it came down to me and Dixon, there’s no way I’d agree to go.

“What’s wrong?”

I looked over to find Anna next to me. She watched me then glanced off in the direction I had been looking then back to me again.

I rolled my eyes and sat up straight in my chair. “Heh, Dixon was just here going on about how good together we’d be and how he’s sure he and I will win this contest.”

“Oh whatever,” She gave a laugh, “he’s so full of hot air, you know that, Morgan. Besides, I think you and I are leading. Zoe’s gonna post a chart on the bulletin board on Monday.”

“I know he is, but it doesn’t stop the fact that he made a few rather crude and sexual comments. I have half a mind to report him to Zoe.”

“Right, and make it your word against his. There’s no proof and you know how clean a record Dixon has. You’re the newbie here.”

“What does that mean?” I frowned at her.

“Put your claws away,” She touched my shoulder, “it just means that Dixon hasn’t done anything or acted in any way to support your claims.”

“You don’t believe me?”

She sighed. “No, Morgan, that’s not what I was saying. I believe you, but as for Zoe believing you, that might be kind of hard to pull off.”

I frowned and slouched in my seat. “Why would I make something like that up?”

“Because you’re trying to get back at him for passing word around the office about what happened when he stopped by your place the other week?”

“People would seriously think that?”

A shrug. “Some might.”

I huffed and folded my arms across my chest. “Heh, whatever, but if he says or does one more thing, I won’t hesitate to report him.”

My friend squeezed my shoulder. “I think he’s just trying to get under your skin.”

“Well, it’s working.”

“You can’t let it though. He knows that and so he’s going to keep doing it.”

I sighed and tried to shrug the conversation off my mind. “Dixon just pushes my buttons in ways I can’t even describe, and not in a good way.”

“You’re going to have to figure out a way you two can co-exist without him getting on your last nerve.”

“If he would stop talking to me, I think we’d be just fine.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

I frowned at my desk, crease lines appearing on my forehead. “Then I’m going to just have to try harder to ignore him.”

~*~*~*~*~

That evening, Dianna and I lounged on my couch. She sipped on a glass of chardonnay and I googled different activities Alex and I could do on Saturday, or Sunday, whatever day we decided. I could feel her eyes on me as I scanned a webpage filled with different date ideas and glanced over the top of my notebook at her. “Hm?”

She took a sip of her wine then rested the glass on her leg, one curled up under her. “How much do you like this guy?”

I shrugged some and scratched my shoulder. “I’m not sure yet. We’re taking things very slow.”

“How slow is very slow?”

“Um,” I tilted my head, “I don’t know, just slow. We haven’t even called it …dating. We’re keeping things simple and not giving labels.”

“And he’s cool with all this?” She watched me curiously.

I nodded. “He’s amazingly cool with it. I’ve never met someone so patient and…” I searched for the words, “understanding and supportive and just…chill.”

“Wow,” she arched a brow, “you seem in very serious like of this man.”

I felt a slight blush creeping up onto my cheeks. “I do like him, but at the same time I’m scared to death.”

Dianna gave a nod before taking another sip of her wine. “That’s understandable, but you don’t want to take it too slow.”

“Whatcha mean?”

“I wouldn’t want this guy to grow impatient or lose interest because things weren’t progressing quickly enough for him.”

Pressing my lips together, I thought back on the conversations held between us and his determination that we were brought together for a reason and supposed to be together. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Good.” She smiled warmly and I returned it then went back to my task at hand.

“I’m at a total loss for what we can do this weekend.”

“Why’s that?”

I sighed and maneuvered the browser back to the Google search results. “I don’t want it to be the typical date, like dinner and a movie. I want something a little bit different.”

Dianna rose from her spot on the loveseat and sank down next to me on the sectional. “Well, what kinds of things does he like?” She peeked to the screen of my notebook.

“He likes art and movies…um water sports…” I listed off a few more things and scanned over the list of selections that had been found in my search.

“You could take him horseback riding.”

I looked at her. “Horseback riding?”

“Yeah,” she nodded and leaned forward, setting her wineglass on the coffee table, “he’s a pretty chill guy, right?”

I nodded then let her take the laptop from me and settle it in her own lap. “Yeah.”

“Maybe he’d like it. You could call and ask him.” She began typing something into the web browser.

“Ooh, I could text him.” I leaned and got my phone from the coffee table. “I hope he doesn’t think it’s stupid, cuz I love horseback riding.” Quickly I directed a text to his phone asking about the activity.

A moment later he sent one back telling me he loves horses and has gone a few times in his day.

I giggled low and showed it to Dianna. “We can do that, it’ll be perfect. Thanks.”

“Anytime, hon.” She slipped the notebook back into my lap. “Okay, here’s a place not too far from here. The owners are really great and they have some of the prettiest and most behaved horses.”

“Ooh, okay.” I looked to the screen and took note of the page, reading about a ranch nestled in the mountains with breathtaking views of the pacific and beautiful trails for the horses. “This sounds really nice.”

“Mmhmm, the owner’s a good friend of mine. I’ll give her a call in the morning and I’m sure she’ll fit you in either tomorrow or Sunday. Whatever day you decide.”

I sent my friend a grateful smile. “Thank you so much.”

“Ooh, you know what else you could do?” Her eyes widened some at her idea. “Take a picnic lunch with you. There are some nice places to spread a blanket and admire the view while you eat.”

“Ooh,” I mirrored her expression, “that’s a good idea. I could make up some sandwiches or something and pack it and we could have lunch.”

“Or you could get it from some restaurant.”

“Or he could make it.” I giggled. “He makes amazing lasagna.”

She arched a brow in a teasing manner. “Does he now? I’m sure that’s not all he’s good at.”

I blushed some, picking up on what she was hinting at. “I told you, we’re taking things slow.”

“So, he hasn’t even kissed you yet?”

I ducked my head.

“Ooh, he has!”

“A little bit.” I held up a hand, showing a little bit with my finger and thumb.

My friend’s eyes danced with merriment. “Uh huh, I bet he can’t keep his hands off you.”

“Yes he can,” I pushed some hair from my face, hoping the pink on my cheeks faded quickly, “we’ve only kissed a few times.”

“Please tell me you’ve learned his name?” She reached and picked her wine glass back up then settled into the couch next to me again.

I laughed and closed the laptop, setting it aside. “I have. It’s Alex.”

“Alex,” she mulled it over, “I like it.”

“Me too.”

Dianna watched me a moment, sipping on her wine some before speaking. “You get this little look on your face when you talk about him.”

I blinked. “I do?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “it’s not very noticeable, but your eyes just look a little different than they normally do.”

“Is that good or bad?” I watched her warily.

“Oh, honey, it’s a very good thing. Means there’s something there.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “I think there just might be.”

Dianna matched my grin with one of her own. “I think so too.

~*~*~*~*~

The middle of the night my phone rang. I fumbled in the dark, trying to locate the receiver and succeeded in knocking my clock radio off onto the floor before finally grabbing it from the nightstand.

“Hello?” My voice was thick and laced with sleep.

“Morgan?” My mother’s voice flowed through my ear.

I immediately sat up, her tone instantly waking me. Something was wrong; she wouldn’t call me in the dead of night to chat. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, honey…it’s your grandfather….”

The way she said it made my blood run cold. “What? What happened to Poppy?”

“He had a heart attack. He’s in the emergency room.”

I felt my own heart do a flip then push up into my throat. “Oh my god…”

“I called you as soon as I could.”

I threw the covers off my legs. “Do.. are… um…what do the doctors say?”

“They haven’t been out much, we’re not sure how severe it is …but I think it’s pretty bad.” Her voice was trembling and it made my eyes tear up.

“Where’s…where’s Mimi?”

“She’s here… with your father and Grayson at the moment.”

“How… how’s she doing?”

“Worried out of her mind.”

I didn’t expect any less. “Do they… how um…” my mind was racing, “what… what do I do?”

“Well…” she took a shaky breath, “everyone is here….we’re waiting on the doctor’s. I can call you later after they see us.”

I glanced to the phone, feeling guilty for the first time about being so far away. “Do you need me to come there?”

“It would take you hours to get here. Who knows what will be going on by then, how ‘bout you just sit tight and I’ll call you as soon as I know something?”

I nodded. “I can do that.” Though I had no idea how I was going to be able to function with this weighing very heavily on my mind.

“Okay, baby. I’ll call you as soon as we find something out. Try to get some sleep…I’m sorry I woke you.”

“No, mom…it’s okay. I’d want to know something like this.”

“Mmkay, baby. I love you.”

My fingers combed through my hair and I nodded. “Love you too.” Then she was gone and I slowly hung up.

I think I was in shock; I sat there in my bed another few minutes just staring ahead into the dark. Next to me, Daisy was nuzzling my side, but I didn’t seem to notice.

My grandfather, Jameson Douglas, had always been an active, loving, engaging man and the idea of him frail and stricken with something as horrible as a heart attack brought me to tears. What if he didn’t pull through? What if it led to serious heart issues? What if they weren’t able to save him?

Those thoughts, and many more, plagued me and I sank back into the covers, tugging a pillow over my head in an attempt to block them out. The tears continued to pool in my eyes and stream down my cheeks and I was reminded of the night of Hugh’s death. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe and I threw the pillow across the room, not caring that it hit my dresser and knocked things to the floor. I scrambled from the bed and pulled on my tank top, that familiar and tight pressure in my chest.

It was closing in on me and so I did the only thing I could think of, I grabbed the phone and called Dianna.

Dianna made up a pot of strong coffee while we waited for my mother to call back. It was going on 3am by now, but I wasn’t the least bit sleepy. It had only taken my neighbor, and friend, a few moments to get over to my place after my frantic phone call. She had helped calm me down enough so I would sit at the kitchen table, then she brewed some coffee and made me drink it. It helped; the strong, bitter taste settled my frazzled nerves and now I was just staring blankly into the mug, watching the black liquid.

Next to me, Dianna sipped from her own mug. Neither one of us spoke; the only sound the soft ticking of the clock that hung over the stove.

tick-tock

It seemed to be growing louder with each tick.

tick-

As if it was counting down to something.

-tock

Something that I simply could not face.

tick-

“Why hasn’t she called back?!” I exploded from my chair, clenching my fists so I wouldn’t rip the clock off the wall and smash it to bits.

Dianna jerked back at my outburst, setting her mug gently down on the table. “You know how doctors can be; they make you wait and wait.”

I frowned. “Do they realize how rude that is? How inconsiderate? People are on edge waiting to find out how their loved ones are doing and the doctor’s are probably out back taking a smoke break.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” She reached and patted my chair again. “Sit, I’m sure she’ll call soon.”

“I can’t sit.” I began to pace.

“You’re pacing is gonna make me nervous.”

“Join the club.”

“Morgan,” my friend sighed and tucked her curly hair behind her ear, “getting yourself all worked up is not doing anyone any good.”

I tugged on my tank, but didn’t slow my pacing. “I don’t know what else to do. What if something happens? What if I have to fly home…” I wet my lower lip and turned toward my friend, “what if he doesn’t make it?”

There was a tremor to my voice and it made Dianna rise from her chair and move to me, taking my arm and leading me back to the table. “Whatever happens, things are going to be alright. If you have to go out there, then you’ll go out there. Whatever the case, Morgan, you are going to be okay.”

I gave a small nod and slowly sank down into the chair, turning my eyes back onto the mug of coffee in front of me.

“You’ve been through things a lot worse and you’re still standing.”

“Heh, just barely.”

“You’re finally getting yourself back on your feet, hon.”

I sighed and rubbed my face. “I don’t want to think about that right now. I just want my mom to call and tell me my grandfather is okay.”

She rubbed my arm. “She’s going to call.”

“What if he’s not okay?”

“We just have to hope and pray that he will be.”

I sighed and leaned forward, resting my face in my hands, my elbows propped up on the table.

She gave her own sigh then rubbed my back in those soothing ways only a mother could.

We fell into more heavy silence and I tried my best to push the constant tick-tock out of my head.

I don’t know how long we sat there like that. The minutes seemed to crawl by at an agonizingly slow pace, but neither of us moved. The ticking of the clock almost seemed comforting by now and any other noise that may spring up would surely break the spell that had settled over us.

When the phone rang, my heart dropped into my toes.

It rang a second time and I just stared at it.

“Answer it,” My friend prodded, nudging my leg.

It rang a third time.

“Oh geeze…” Rubbing my hands on my legs, I slowly stood and moved to the phone, my heartbeat echoing in my ears. Slowly, I lifted the receiver and held it to my ear, praying my legs held me up if my mother brought bad news. “Hello?” The words caught in my throat and I had to force them out.

“Baby….”

The tone in her voice told me exactly what I needed to know; and it wasn’t good. “…. Mom...”

“He’s not doing good, baby….” She sounded like she had been crying.

I fought back my tears. “What… is… what…” I couldn’t even formulate a sentence.

“The heart attack damaged his coronary arteries,” her voice wavered and I bit my lip harder to hold back the tears. “Right now they’re trying to decide if they think he’s strong enough to do bypass surgery.”

“Oh God…” I brought a hand to my mouth.

“He’s not good, Morgan. They don’t know if he’d even survive the surgery. He’s so frail and weak; right now he’s sedated to keep his pain at minimal.”

“Mom….” Tears began to spill down my cheeks.

“You um…” she hesitated, “you should probably come home.”

I could feel the sob in my chest and bit the palm of my hand, trying to squelch it.

Just then, Dianna appeared at my side and pried the phone from my fingers, taking it and speaking to my mother.

I didn’t hear what she said, my mother’s words were bouncing around in my head and I was trying not to lose it and become a blubbery mess.

They spoke for awhile and then Dianna hung up and moved to my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Okay, c’mon on, honey. We’re going to get you packed and onto a flight to Connecticut.”

I gave a nod and allowed her to steer me up the steps then into my bedroom. Rather I really wanted to or not, I was going back home. Home to a place I had tried so hard to forget. It was beckoning me, and I was coming.

~*~*~*~*~

I arrived at the Bradley International Airport just outside of Hartford, Connecticut that evening. My travels had taken me from the Los Angeles airport to Chicago O’Hare then finally on to Bradley International. My plane touched down at 7:08pm and I departed the cabin, making a pit stop on the restroom before continuing on to baggage claim.

Dianna had helped me pack a couple suitcases then called and arranged for a flight. She then took Daisy on over to her place to watch her while I was gone, promising to take the best care of her. Afterward, she drove me to the airport and made sure I knew what gate to go to before we finally parted ways. At times, she was like a mother hen. But this was one of those times I needed that from her.

She had said Grayson would be picking me up and he’d meet me in baggage claim.

I was a ball of nerves, not just for my grandfather, who I hoped was still alive so I could see him, but to just see my family again. I didn’t know what to expect, or how it was going to make me feel. The last thing I wanted was to be sent spiraling back in my recovery process. One step forward, two steps back. Things had been going so smoothly with Alex and it really scared me to think I’d eventually get back to LA and be right back where I was when I’d first met him.

Speaking of Alex. We had a horseback riding date for Sunday and now I wouldn’t be there. I hadn’t even gotten to call him today. I was going to have to make sure I did before tomorrow came and he thought I’d stood him up.

Trying to make sure that was a mental note I didn’t forget, I stepped off the escalator and into baggage claim, that innate feeling of fear immediately setting back in. Would I even recognize my own brother? Would he recognize me? Had we changed that much in two years? With those thoughts, and more, swimming in my head, I scanned the area, moving around a few groups of people and searching for Grayson.

“Morgan?”

It came from behind me and my shoulders stiffened just slightly. I’d recognize his voice anywhere. Taking a little breath, and trying to calm the nerves in my tummy, I slowly turned to face my brother.

He still looked the same as he did two years ago, maybe just a slight bit older. At 33, he was a handsome man with a full head of thick blond hair and sparkling, clear blue eyes. He was tall, about six feet, with a swimmer’s body and tanned skin he’d had to have acquired in a tanning bed. My brother was way too busy to spend the day at the beach. It half surprised me that he had taken today off to be with my parents and grandparents.

“How are you?” He stood with his hands shoved into the pockets of a pair of designer jeans.

I shifted my tote bag on my shoulder and gave a little nod. “I’m okay… how are you?” I was debating on rather or not we should hug. I didn’t know if he’d want to and I didn’t want to go in for one and have him rebuke it. Besides, Grayson was never the hugging type and I didn’t even know where we stood relationship wise.

He gave a shrug. “I’m alright.” A pause. “It’s good to see you again. You look good.”

“Thanks,” I smoothed my shirt some, tugging it down a little, “so do you.”

He flashed a grin and showed off his pearly white teeth. “Thank you.”

I nodded some and shifted my bag again. “You’re welcome.”

“Here, lemme take that.” He reached and slid the bag off my shoulder. “How was your flight?”

“Um, a little bumpy, but nothing I couldn’t handle.” I slipped my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and together we turned and headed for the carousel my luggage would be arriving at. “It was really long though.”

“Yeah, it usually is when you fly across the country.”

I nodded, stopping just before the conveyer belt. “So, um… how’s Poppy?”

Grayson gave a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his perfectly manicured hair. “They’re still waiting to see if he stabilizes a little more before deciding on the surgery.”

“Geeze…” I pouted and rubbed my face, “how’s Mimi doing?”

“She could be a lot better.” His sparkling eyes met my own before looking back to the carousel when the belt started to move and a beeping sounded, signaling the bags were about to come from the chute.

I rubbed my eyes, already feeling exhausted from the long flight, the time change and the emotional take my Poppy’s situation was having on me. “Do they think he’ll make it?”

“It’s hard to tell.”

“The doctor’s haven’t said?”

“No,” my brother shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets again, “all they have said is that they need his condition to stabilize a little more before they’d suggest a bypass. They won’t tell us if they think he’ll pull through or not.”

I needed a subject change. “How’s Candace? I hear she got a huge promotion.”

“Yeah, she did, she’s really excited.” A smile lit up his face at the mention of her name and it made me a tad jealous that I had lost what he had.

“Good, I’m glad for her. I hear you two are moving to Arizona.”

“Yeah, we are.”

“You won’t be too far from me.”

He scratched his head. “Once we get settled you could come visit.”

I nodded some and watched as the luggage began to appear, keeping an eye out for my two pieces. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” I didn’t know if it was just formalities or if either of us really wanted to visit the other, but it sounded strange the small talk we were making. I hoped it wasn’t this uncomfortable with my parents.

We struggled through, however, and after collecting my bags, Grayson loaded them into his silver BMW and we were off, heading towards Coventry, Connecticut; my hometown.

“How’s Mom doing?” I brought the subject back around to the situation at hand as we sailed down I-91.

Grayson’s eyes never left the road. “She’s taking it hard, but trying to be strong for Mimi. You know how she is.”

I did and I nodded in understanding. “Is she…nervous about me being here?”

He looked to me at that. “What would make you think that?”

“I…dunno…” I shrugged, “because I haven’t seen her since I left; or even been back home.”

His hands flexed on the steering wheel. “She is glad you’re coming back.”

“They aren’t mad, are they?” I could feel my heart knocking away at my chest.

“No,” he shook his head, “they aren’t mad. They were a little hurt, but they aren’t mad at you.” He checked his blind spot then merged lanes. “Though, I think Mom’s forgotten most of that with what’s going on with Poppy and I know she’s just glad you’re coming home.”

I let out a breath of air and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Good.”

“It’s only been a year and a half, Morgan; not that much can change in a year and a half.”

I looked to him. “You’d be surprised how quickly things can change.”

He shrugged some, watching the road ahead. “I guess overall they don’t.”

I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “So, is everyone at the hospital? Is that where you’re taking me?”

Grayson glanced over to the clock on his radio. “Mom should be there still, but Dad took Mimi back home. She needed her rest. You’ll probably get to see her tomorrow.”

“Where are you staying?” My brother lived in New York City, which was a good couple hours from Coventry.

“At the house, one of the guest rooms.”

“Ooh,” I nodded some then looked to my tote as a soft chime sounded; I had a text. Pulling my bag closer, I slipped my phone out and saw Alex’s name across the screen. A soft smile touched my lips and I pushed a button to open the text.

When r we making plans? Horses on Sunday? What r u doin 4 din din?

Immediately, I had a bit of sadness push through me at not being able to keep our horseback riding date. Pushing some hair from my face, I hit reply and quickly typed back a response.

Something came up :( I can’t make it this weekend. I’ll call u 2nite or 2morrow. I’m sorry :(

Hitting send, I closed my phone and slipped it back into my bag, my brother having fallen silent and just driving along.

It didn’t take us long to get into Coventry and the minute I was back in familiar surroundings, a sense of nostalgia washed over me. I just watched out the window as he steered us down familiar tree-lined streets that would take us to the Windham Community Memorial Hospital. I remembered the summer’s we’d play baseball in the street, how we’d ride our bikes all over town, Popsicle grins and tree houses built in the backyard. This was a place where neighbors watched out for neighbors, high school sweethearts married, and main street was in fact truly called Main Street.

It was dark, the sun having set about an hour ago, but I could still make out the high school as we passed, Bob’s Grocer, where I worked for two summers during high school, the lake where Hugh had proposed and the church we were married in. I felt a lump forming in my throat as the memory of our wedding and life together played before my eyes. Blinking back the tears, I tore my gaze from the building and watched out the other side of the car.

“You okay?”

Grayson’s voice floated over to me and I turned to look at him.

“Yeah.”

He glanced to me as he slowed for a stop sign. “You sure?” He wet his bottom lip. “I know it’s probably a little hard being back here since…everything.”

I nodded and cleared my throat, wiping under my eyes. “It is, but I’ll be okay.”

He gave a little nod and we started through the intersection. “So, how’s LA treating you?”

“Really good; it’s so beautiful out there and I have this amazing view of the ocean right from my backyard.”

“Wow, that must be nice.” He looked to me before turning his eyes back to the road.

I nodded and settled back more into the seat. “It is. It’s so relaxing and just… really good for me.”

“Good, I’m glad.” I could hear the warmth in his tone. “How’s the job going? Real estate, Mom says.”

“Yeah, and it’s actually really successful. I think I’ve sold like…six or seven houses in the last month or two.”

“Wow,” my brother arched his brows, “good for you, Morgan.”

“Thank you.”

He looked at me. “I mean that. You’ve had it rough, you deserve something good.”

My mind instantly thought of Alex and I had to grin. “Well, I think I’m finally starting to find whatever it is.”

“Good.” He made a turn and soon we were pulling into the hospital parking lot.

Suddenly my nerves were all aflutter and my heart was beating twice as fast. Saying a little prayer, I unbuckled and slowly climbed from the car, surveying the hospital before me. This was it. I was going to see my Poppy and find out just how terrible his situation was. And even more nerve-wracking; I was going to finally come face to face with my mother.

Oy vey.

The smells of antiseptic, alcohol and cleaning supplies filled my senses as Grayson and I made our way down the corridor, heading towards ICU. I always hated the smell; like they were trying to mask another scent, something so ominous it took bleach and ammonia to cover up. But it was still there, it lingered in doorways, on passing doctor’s scrubs, in the waiting room with the anxious loved ones. Death. I wondered if I was the only one that could pick it up. Was it only those who had been jaded by the very thing itself; those that had loved strongly and lost? Rather it be a parent, a child, a best friend or a spouse. Had the doctor’s become so immune it was like second nature to them?

Those questions, and more, plagued my mind and tried to distract me from what was about to occur. But I was still nervous. My palms were sweaty, my heart was pounding hard against my ribcage and my chest was heaving in short, quick breaths. It was uncanny to feel this way, but having to come face to face with a past I was trying so hard to leave behind before I’m ready for it, was close to giving me an anxiety attack. Why oh why hadn’t Dianna come with me?

“Morgan? Are you okay?”

Grayson spoke from beside me and I looked to him, a heavy weight in my stomach. “Just nervous.”

He reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay.”

My head nodded slightly. “I hope so.”

He watched me a moment before turning and pushing the button located next to the secured doors that led into the ICU. They kept it secured and monitored with video camera, only allowing family members and close friends in to see the patients. In order to gain access, you had to be put on a list and check in at the nurse’s station.

I was new, but they were familiar with Grayson and we were buzzed in through the doors. I signed my name on the check-in sheet and Grayson followed suit.

“My goodness, you have got to be Miriam Huntley’s daughter,” A plump, middle aged woman with tight dark haired curls and thin wire framed glasses perched on her nose said, looking up from her computer. She wore a pair of scrubs with little Snoopies dotting them and her name tag read Nurse Clayton.

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“You look just like your mother.” She shook her head and pushed her glasses farther up her nose, peering at me through them. “Yes, you sure do. And I’ve only known her a few hours.”

I looked to my brother.

“Um, yes Ma’am; this is my sister.” Grayson slipped his arm around me and rested it on my shoulders. “I just picked her up from the airport.”

“Ooh, where’d you fly in from, Honey?”

“California.”

“California? My goodness, that’s a long ways away.”

“Yeah, it was a long flight, I’m pretty tired.”

“Ooh,” she sat a little straighter, “I won’t keep you. Go on in.” With a wave, she motioned towards the doors of the different rooms that lined the hallway.

“Um, thank you…” I nodded and reached up, tucking some hair behind my ear. Maybe I should just wait out here, Grayson could go in and bid them goodnight then we could leave. And I could go to a hotel. I knew I wasn’t ready to face my mother yet. Just thinking about it made me a ball of nerves.

“Morgan?”

I blinked and looked over to find my brother standing outside of a door, looking at me like he wasn’t too sure what to make of me.

“Oh, sorry.” I scurried to his side, tugging on the hem of my shirt.

He studied me carefully. “Are you sure you want to go in here?”

I didn’t think I did; but did I have a choice? Though before I could voice that thought, the door was pulled open from the inside and my mother appeared in the doorway.

“Morgan…” She spoke my name out in a tone just above a whisper.

I felt my heart leap into my throat as our eyes met. She was still beautiful with her blonde hair and blue eyes and in that moment I realized that we did look alike. She hadn’t changed drastically in the 18 months since I’d last seen her, except that at the moment her hair was falling from the clasp keeping it in place and her eyes looked exhausted. The situation with my grandfather was really taking its toll on her. I felt that pull on me and tears began to well in my eyes. “Hi, Mama.”

“Oh, Sweetheart.” and then she was engulfing me in a hug; tight and secure and in a way only a mother could do.

That was all it took for the flood gates to open and the tears to flow freely. My arms wrapped around her and I held to her tight, pressing my face against her shoulder and just sobbing. I cried for her grief, for my grandfather’s pain, for having stayed away for so long, for the loss of my husband; for it all. And she just held me.

Finally, she pulled back and smoothed a hand over my cheek, looking at me like she was memorizing my features and disbelieving that I was really there before her.

I sniffed and had to take a breath before I could speak, “I…I’m really here, Mama…” It came out in a tremble.

“I know, baby, and I’m so glad; so, so glad.” She cupped my face and kissed my forehead, her own eyes pooling with tears. “You look so beautiful.”

I gave a small laugh and stood right as she finally released me. “I’m a hot mess.”

“A hot, beautiful mess.” She wiped just under her eyes and looked me over. “Have you lost weight?”

“A little bit.”

“Honey…” she sighed and gave my hand a squeeze, shaking her head, “it doesn’t matter. You’re here, that’s all that counts.”

“That’s right,” Grayson finally spoke up. He peered around our mom and into the room. “How’s Poppy doing?”

Something flickered in her eyes and it matched the tone of her voice, “He’s not doing well.”

“Wha…um,” my fingers were fiddling with the hem of my shirt once more, “can they operate?”

“They aren’t sure.” Her shoulders sagged and she rubbed her forehead before straightening up again. “Would you like to see him?”

My eyes darted towards the room and I could feel my heart kicking it up a notch. “Yeah…”

“He doesn’t look like his usual self,” she warned before squeezing my hand and leading me into the room.

I had already figured that, but I wasn’t prepared for just how different he was. He lay there with his eyes closed, looking like he could quickly become lost in the bed that surrounded him. His skin was ashen with a slight, yellowish tinge around his eyes and mouth. He didn’t look anything like the man I remember; more like just a fragment of him. He was thin and frail and was attached to more wires and tubes then I could even figure what they were for. The only way I could tell he wasn’t already gone from this world was the slight rise and fall of the blanket that covered his chest.

Seeing him like that made my eyes sting and a sharp pain appear in my chest. “Ooh… ooh no…” The words slipped out and I brought a hand up, covering my mouth.

“I know, baby,” my mom wrapped her arm around my shoulders, “it’s hard.”

I just nodded, fearing my voice wouldn’t hold.

“Do they still have him sedated?” Grayson moved around to the other side of the bed.

“They do. They tried to bring him out of it earlier, but he was just in too much pain.”

I wanted to crumble to the floor and weep; my Poppy lay in the bed looking nothing like the strong, vibrant and loving man that he truly was. He looked like he was one step away from death; already fighting with it and trying to hold tight. It made my heart break and I moved to his side, reaching out and gripping his hand with both of mine. “Poppy…” I choked out.

My mom came up beside me, her hand smoothing on my back.

“Poppy…” I muttered again, lifting his hand and kissing the back of it. My vision swam and I held his frail hand to my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Poppy… I’m so sorry.”

Beside me, my mom slipped her arm around my waist.

“He…he doesn’t…this…” I couldn’t even formulate a sentence and had to squeeze my eyes shut tight to keep the tears from taking over.

“I know,” Her voice cracked.

I used one hand to wipe my face. “Why…did this happen?”

“I dunno, baby.” She rubbed my back in a soothing gesture.

“This isn’t fair!”

“I know it’s not.” My mom reached out and grabbed my hand. “I know it’s not.”

“Why does this keep happening to us?” My teary eyes searched her face for some kind of answer.

But she didn’t have one and I had to turn away, crossing the room and stopping at the window.

“Morgan.” I could hear her just behind me.

I wiped my cheeks with a hand and sniffed. “What?”

“I know this is hard; it’s hard for me too.”

I didn’t turn around.

“We just have to do what we can and pray for the best.”

My head dropped and I covered my eyes with a hand. I could feel the hot tears behind my lids threatening to escape and did my best to keep them at bay.

“Baby.” She touched my shoulder.

I shook my head, not wanting to hear any words of comfort.

“Would you like Grayson to take you back to the house?”

I finally turned to face her. “You..are… you coming home?”

“You should,” my brother spoke up before she had a chance to reply.

We both looked to him.

“You’ve been here all day, Mom. You need to go home and eat, take a shower…get some rest.”

“Grayson-”

He interrupted her, “You need a break from this place.”

“I can’t leave my father.”

“I’ll stay.”

That surprised me and my brows lifted.

I think it shocked our mother too because she closed her mouth, sizing him up. Finally, she gave a defeated sigh and nodded. “Alright.”

“Good. And I mean that when I say, get some rest.”

I watched as she made her way to the bed and took her father’s hand, leaning over some and speaking softly to his sleeping form. Suddenly, I turned to my brother. “My things are in your car.”

“You guys can take my car. I’ll bring Mom’s home.” He fished into his pocket for his keys.

I accepted them and then passed them to my mother after she hugged her son goodbye. He promised to call if anything changed and said he would be by in the morning. Then he gave me a friendly hug and rubbed my head, telling me to get some sleep myself. I nodded and bid my goodbyes before following my mother out of the room and towards the elevators.

We were relatively quiet as we made our way out of the hospital and across the parking lot to Grayson’s vehicle. Once inside, I settled back into the seat and my mom started the car, putting it into gear and pulling from the spot.

Neither of us spoke for the first few miles, both lost in our own thoughts. Finally, we slowed for a traffic light and my mom looked over to me.

“Thank you for coming.”

I was pulled from the dark reverie of the hospital room and turned to her. “Oh, you’re welcome.”

“I know how hard it was for you to do.”

A nod. “Yeah.”

“Your father is probably waiting up.”

My eyes drifted to the time on the dashboard and I realized it was a lot later than it felt; 9:38pm. Only 6:38 in California and I was still on Cali time; though I was exhausted from the long and emotional day. “Is he glad I’m here?”

She reached over and squeezed my arm. “He’s very glad.”

I had to smile at that. “I was worried you’d be upset.”

“Because you came home?”

“No,” I shook my head, “because it took me so long to do so.”

“Oh.” she pursed her lips and glanced towards the front again, staring at the bright red of the traffic light. “We don’t have to talk about that right now.”

But I knew it was coming eventually. “Right.”

“We’ll get home and get cleaned up then get some food. Are you hungry?”

“Not really. Are you?”

She chuckled low. “No.”

I nodded then stifled a yawn. “I’m pretty tired.”

“I bet you are.” The light changed to green and we accelerated through the intersection. “When we get back you can go on straight to bed; get some rest.”

I sent her a sideways glance. “Are you going to be able to get some sleep?”

She gave a heavy sigh and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I have some Ambien CR. I could give you one.”

“You have sleeping pills?” She looked to me with an arched brow.

I shrugged. “I’ve been having trouble sleeping.” I wasn’t about to tell her about the nightmares.

“Oh,” she turned back to the road, “I just might take you up on that.”

I nodded and the rest of the ride was in silence, each of us lost again in our own thoughts.

Soon we pulled up to a white, two-story colonial with a vast yard and three-car garage. I had grown up in this house and my eyes darted up to the corner window that my old bedroom lay behind. A white trellis with winding rose bushes was directly beneath and I remembered the one summer my first serious boyfriend had convinced me to sneak out my window and climb down the trellis to meet him. I ended up with a sprained wrist and grounded for a week. We broke up soon after and my parents had to replace one of the rose bushes.

“Here we are,” My mother announced as she parked in front of the garage and pulled the keys from the ignition.

I glanced to her, feeling the nerves starting up again at the thought of seeing my father.

She watched me a moment then reached over and touched my cheek. “He is going to be happy to see you.”

“He won’t lecture me?”

“Not tonight.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Maybe,” she reached for her buckle, releasing it and pushing it from her shoulder, “but I won’t let him get too harsh.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I spoke the words with a grin, knowing she was teasing.

She chuckled and together we climbed from the car, collecting my luggage and heading up to the house.

My dad had the door open and was out on the porch wrapping me in a hug before I could even blink.

“Morgan!” His voice boomed and he lifted me from the ground, squeezing me tight.

“Uh, hi, Dad,” I managed out, feeling the air escaping my lungs from his hug.

“Neil, put her down you’re going to hurt her,” My mother lectured, “and you’re letting bugs into the house. Let’s get inside before any more mosquitoes do.”

He obliged and set me on my feet, firmly taking hold of my shoulders and leaning me back some to look me over. “Look at you, my beautiful daughter.” Then he directed me towards the front door. “Go on inside, I got the bags.”

I thanked him and stepped into the house, the familiar scents of being home filled me and I gave a sigh, surveying the scene and realizing not that much had changed. The foyer was the same, the décor and color on the walls, the Oriental rug across the wooden floor. It was all the same as it had been a year and a half ago.

My parents came in behind me and my dad lifted the luggage so he could carry it up the stairs. “I’ll take these upstairs; they’ll be in your old room. We’ve got it all set up for you.”

“Oh,” I looked to him, nodding my head and setting my tote to the side, “okay, thank you.”

He flashed a warm smile at me. “Anything for you, honey.”

I nodded and watched him go before turning to my mother. “He’s getting gray around the edges.” His chestnut brown hair was still full, but graying slightly around the ears.

She chuckled then slipped her arm around me and guided me towards the living room. “Yes, he is. He refuses to color it.”

“Makes him look more distinguished.” My eyes scanned the living room, noting they had gotten a new sectional and end tables.

“That’s what he says.” She sank down onto the new piece of furniture with me. “Are you sure you’re not hungry? When did you eat last?”

“Um, they fed us a meal on the plane.”

“Oh, okay.” She gave a nod and fiddled with the silver chain around her neck.

I watched her a moment then surveyed the room once more, cringing at the wedding portrait of myself and Hugh that my mother still had on the mantle.

She must have sensed it because she spoke up, “Oh, um, I…haven’t taken it down yet. You just…look so beautiful and I can’t bear to take it down.”

I nodded and smoothed my shirt. “It’s um…okay.”

“It’s hard, I know.” She reached over and squeezed my arm.

She really didn’t know, but I didn’t go there with her. “Yeah.”

“Alright, your bags are in your room,” My father announced as he entered into the living room.

I smiled at him. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“You’re welcome, Princess.” He winked at me and sank down into an oversized chair. “How was your flight?”

“Long.” I sighed and slouched into the sofa, stretching my legs out. “I was seated next to this woman who would not shut up. She kept talking about all this stuff like she expected me to know the people and understand.”

My father laughed low. “Some people can talk to anyone about anything.”

“She was definitely one of those.”

That made my parents chuckle.

“So, Grayson called and let me know that he’s going to be staying the night with Poppy,” dad spoke, changing the subject to something a bit more pertinent to our family.

“Yes, he sent me home.”

My dad nodded and looked at my mother. “Good, you have been up since 3am and you’re running on fumes. You know I didn’t want you staying there all night, Sweetheart.”

I saw the look exchanged between my parents and took it as my cue to exit stage left. “Um, I’m just gonna get a glass of water.” I rose from the couch and tugged my shirt down some around my midriff. “Do either of you want anything?”

“No, thank you,” my mom replied and my dad shook his head, echoing her.

I gave a nod then strolled from the living room and down the hall into the kitchen. It looked the same as always and I selected a glass from the cabinet, filling it with ice and then water out of the door of the fridge.

I stood there a moment sipping the cold beverage and let my eyes wander the different photos and memos that had been stuck to the fridge; there was a note about a hair appointment for my mother, a message from my dad to her about where he was the other day while she was out, some pictures of them with a few close friends, one of me taken just after my honeymoon, one of my brother and Candace they used for a Christmas card last year and one of my mimi and poppy.

Seeing his smiling face and lively blue eyes made my throat close up and tears began filling my eyes. This could not be happening to him, or to us. Tomorrow I had to go see my mimi. I needed to just hug her and make sure she was being taken care of and didn’t need anything. I knew what it felt like to lose a husband; I could only imagine the grief she had to be going through after nearly 50 years of marriage and three children.

Giving a sigh, I wiped some fresh tears from my eyes then stood straight again. I think it was time to call it a night. I’d go bid goodnight to my parents then head on up to my room. I was exhausted and knew it was going to be an early morning. And I still wanted to call Alex.

Taking my glass with me, I headed back for the living room. So far things seemed to be going okay; I had made it past the first hurdle smoothly, but I was nowhere near the homestretch.

I was finally in the guestroom; showered, teeth brushed and clad in some pink pajama pants and a plain white tee. I had bid my parents goodnight then gathered my bathroom items and taken a nice, hot shower. The water was relaxing and had soothed my muscles, calming me some. After my nightly routine of lotion, moisturizer, a toothbrush and hairbrush, I was now curled up in the lounge chair in the bedroom. It was nearly 11 o’clock in Connecticut which meant only going on eight back in California. I wasn’t sure what Alex would be doing, but hopefully he’d be able to spare a few moments. I still felt a little guilty about not being able to keep our date though I was sure he would understand.

Directing my cell phone to call his number, I settled into the back of the chair and listened to the rings.

He answered on the third.

“Hello?”

I wet my bottom lip and smoothed my shirt some. “Hey.”

“Hey. How are you?” His voice seemed to soften a little.

I glanced around at my surroundings. “I’m…okay, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. Is everything okay with you? I got your text.”

“Um…” I felt nervous and couldn’t explain why, “not really.”

“What’s wrong? Did I do something? I was going to text you back earlier, but thought I’d wait a bit and see if you called me.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s not you, Alex, you’re just fine. It’s um…my poppy…”

“Your poppy?”

“Yeah,” I could hear the tremble in my voice, “my grandfather; he had a heart attack last night.”

There was a second of silence before he spoke again, “Oh no, Morgan….”

I was fighting to keep my voice from breaking, “Yeah, he’s… he’s not good. I…I’m in Connecticut.”

“Well, yeah, Baby, you should be. Do you need anything?”

“Nothing that you can do from there.”

There was a heavy sigh over the line. “I’m so sorry, Morgan.”

I could hear the anguish in his voice and it made tears prick my eyes. “They don’t know if he’ll pull through. What am I gonna do?” It felt like someone was trying to rip all of my scars wide open.

“Shh, Baby, don’t cry. I know it’s hard; I know. I’ve been there. And nothing anyone says helps.”

“No,” I shook my head and wiped at my eyes, “it really doesn’t.”

“What hospital is he at?”

I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a tissue from the box that sat there. “Um, Windham Community Memorial Hospital.”

“I bet they have really great doctors.”

I gave a nod and then suddenly remembered something. “Ooh no…”

“What?”

“Bernie’s surgery. I won’t be able to be there with you… ooh no, I’m so sorry…” Suddenly I felt worse and the tears wouldn’t stop.

“Ooh, Baby, you don’t even need to worry about that, right now. It’s okay; you need to be where you’re at. I have other people who can go with me.”

“I…I know, b..b…but I …you…” my shoulders shook and I pressed the tissue to my eyes, “you need me…”

“Not as much as your family does right now, or your poppy. Or as much as you need to be right where you’re at.”

I was surprised he could understand my words through my tears. I wiped my eyes and took a breath, trying to calm myself some. “Are you mad?”

“Why would I be mad? No, Morgan, I’m not mad.”

“I dunno when I’m going to be home.”

“That’s okay, take your time. I’ll still be here when you get back.”

I could hear the smile in his voice and that made me smile as well. “Good.”

He chuckled low. “Will you still call me?”

“Of course,” I balled the tissue up and set it aside, grabbing another, “will you call me?”

“I could call you so many times you’ll be sick of me.”

That made me chuckle. “I’d never get sick of you.”

“Oh, you just wait.”

I laughed a little more. “I think if I was gonna get sick of you, it’d have already happened. You’re so persistent and you don’t give up.”

He laughed. “I wore you down, huh?”

“Mmhmm.” I stifled a yawn and rubbed my eyes.

“Are you tired, Baby?”

“Yes, but I’m not ready to hang up yet.”

“Neither am I.”

I smiled softly. “What did you do today?”

“I hit up The Grove and did some serious shopping.”

“I love shopping. What’d you buy?”

“Things I probably shouldn’t have,” he chuckled low, “but um, I got some new shirts and jeans…a couple new hats, some more shades ooh and some shoes.”

“That’s a lotta shopping. Lately, I’ve been buying things that I don’t even know when I’ll wear.”

His grin was evident over the line. “You’ll just have to find somewhere to wear them at.”

“Yeah,” I peeked to the phone, “what are you going to do tomorrow?”

“Probably go out on one of my friend’s boats. He called me earlier and invited me.”

“That sounds really nice. I hope you have a good time.”

“I’m sure I will, though I don’t think it’ll be as much fun as going horseback riding with you would have been.”

I chuckled. “Are you trying to get points?”

“Is it working?”

I tried to hide the smile that wanted to grow. “Maybe.”

“Hmm, better than a no; I’ll take it.”

I giggled low and we chatted for a few minutes longer, just making simple small talk which helped to keep my mind of things. Finally though, we had to hang up and after I climbed into the bed and switched the lamp off, darkness invading the room, everything that was going on came back and I pulled the covers over my head. It was going to be a long night.

~*~*~*~*~

I was more tired than I realized and was asleep in minutes and I didn’t move until morning when the sun hit me square in the face. I gave a groan and buried my head under the pillow for a moment before remembering where I was. Then I quickly pushed the blankets off and sat up, smoothing my hair and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. The clock on the dresser read 9:22am and I wondered if that was right. How come no one had woken me up earlier? I was sure they would have wanted to be back up to the hospital well before ten.

Those questions still in my head, I slipped from the bed and gathered some jeans and a clean shirt, then I crossed the hall to the bathroom and took a quick shower before drying my hair, brushing my teeth and getting dressed. I did a light bit of makeup, hoping it would help me look better than I felt, then finally put my belongings away and made my way downstairs.

I could smell the food cooking well before I entered into the kitchen to find my dad and mimi sitting at the breakfast table enjoying English muffins, fresh fruit and coffee.

The minute I laid eyes on my formerly raven haired grandmother my eyes grew misty. “Mimi…” I choked out.

She looked up from her coffee and my bright eyes met her sapphire colored, crystal clear eyes. “Morgan.”

I was across the room before she even stood and enveloped her in a loving, firm hug. “Mimi, you’re here. How are you? I’ve missed you. You look great! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Why aren’t you at the hospital?” I rattled the questions off without a pause as her thin arms held me close.

“Goodness, Child,” she chuckled and pulled back, smoothing a hand on my cheek, “one question at a time, but let me get a good look at you.” Then she took a step back and looked me over, turning my hips side to side like she was scrutinizing me. “You’ve lost weight, but you’re a lot tanner then last time I saw you.”

“Yeah, I’ve been getting outside more.”

She smiled then kissed my cheek. “You need a good, healthy breakfast.”

“You sound like my mother.” I chuckled then looked over to my dad as he rose from his seat, telling me he’d make me up an English muffin. Mimi directed me to a chair and nudged me into it before taking her own seat.

“I’m glad you’re here, Morgan.” Her dainty hand reached over and squeezed my arm. “We’ve all missed you so much.”

A few tears dotted my eyes. “I know. I’ve missed you guys, too.”

“You can’t stay away for so long, my dear.”

“I know…” I fiddled with a napkin there on the table then glanced over to my dad, clearing my throat some. “So, um, where’s Mom?”

“She took your brother’s car back to him at the hospital,” he replied as he put an English muffin into the toaster.

“That sweet Grayson stayed all night with your grandfather.” My mimi sighed and shook her head some, a forlorn expression covering her face.

I reached over and squeezed her hand. “Mimi, you look so good.”

“Oh, well, thank you,” she touched the still beautiful skin of her cheek and smiled, “I got a new face cream.”

I smiled, leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“We were going to wake you in a little bit if you didn’t get up on your own,” my father explained as he set the different types of jellies next to me on the table. “After you eat, we’ll three head on up to see your poppy.”

I gave a nod and selected the raspberry jam from the variety of choices my father had provided me with. “Is Grayson going to come back here?”

“Yeah, his stuff is here and he’s too tired to drive back to New York right now. He’ll probably head back this afternoon or sometime tomorrow morning.”

I glanced over to my father. “He’s not going to stay?”

“He has his job to get back to, Sweetheart.” He plucked my English muffin from the toaster and dropped it onto a small plate.

Speaking of jobs, I had to remember to call Zoe tomorrow morning and let her know what was going on. Hopefully she could get in touch with my clients and either pass their appointments off to someone else or reschedule them.

“He’ll probably be back out here Friday evening.” He set the plate down in front of me. “Do you want any fruit? Toast? Coffee?”

“Just coffee, please.” I opened the jam and took a knife, going about preparing my muffin.

“Just a muffin and coffee?” My grandmother frowned. “Neil, bring her some fruit. She needs to put a little meat on her bones.” For emphasis she lightly pinched my arm.

I chuckled and set the knife down. “Mimi, I’m fine.”

“For dinner you should have a nice, big steak.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t like steak.”

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot,” a pause, “a burger then.”

I chuckled at her persistence and looked back to my father. “How come Candace didn’t come with him? I was going to ask him last night, but forgot.”

“She’s in Arizona and won’t be back until Tuesday or Wednesday.” He set a plate of fruit down next to me.

I made a face at it, but didn’t say anything.

My father caught it however and chuckled. “Eat it. Your mother will kill me if she finds out all I fed you was an English muffin.”

I relented and stabbed a piece of cantaloupe with my fork. “So, how long have you been here, Mimi?”

“Your mother dropped me off before heading on up to the hospital. I wanted to see you before we got there.”

I smiled at her. “I’m glad you did.”

“Me too.” She winked at me before taking up her mug and sipping her coffee.

We were quiet for a few moments, each one of us apparently lost in our own thoughts, then I broke the silence.

“So, how’s Poppy?” It was the subject we were all thinking about, but no one wanted to bring up. I didn’t either, but I needed to know.

“No change,” my father replied over the top of his coffee.

My eyes darted over to my mimi and I pouted at the way her shoulders sagged at my father’s words. Without speaking, I reached over and took her hand in mine, giving it a comforting squeeze.

She squeezed mine in return and then patted the back of my hand with her other one. “Tell me what California is like, my dear.”

I swallowed my bite of strawberry and sat back in the chair. “Really warm and sunny. I don’t have to wear any of my winter clothes and when it does get chilly, I just pull on a sweatshirt or hoodie.”

“That sounds so nice.”

I smiled and gave a nod. “It is, and the ocean is beautiful, Mimi. You’d love it.”

“I hear it’s different than the Atlantic,” she mused, releasing my hand and sipping on her coffee.

“It really is. They’re both beautiful, but there’s just something about the sun setting over the water and the way it reflects off the surface.”

“Your grandfather and I have seen many a sunrises over the Atlantic.”

“Well, after he gets out of the hospital and is strong enough to travel, you’ll both come out and visit and get to see the Pacific Ocean sunsets.” I knew that they both thought if on that one, but didn’t care. I wasn’t going to talk about the possibility of him leaving this world; that would only make me upset and sad and depressed and I was tired of feeling that way.

My mimi watched me with her striking eyes. “Rather your grandfather goes or not, I’ll come to see you.”

I smiled. “I know you will.”

“And we can go try to find Tom Cruise.”

That made me laugh. “Mimi, you know he’s a nut, right?”

She waved a hand. “Oh, I know he is, but he’s still gorgeous in my book.”

I giggled and ate some more fruit, looking towards the front of the house when Grayson’s voice rang out.

“Hello?”

“In here, Son!” My dad called out to him.

A moment later my sleepy-eyed brother appeared in the doorway.

“Hey,” He greeted us as he sauntered into the room and took a mug from the counter.

“Good morning.” My father watched him over his newspaper.

“How is everyone?” He poured himself a cup of the hot java then set the pot back in the coffee maker.

Mimi smiled warmly at her grandson. “We were just talking about going to visit Morgan in California.”

“Oh? Who’s we?” He joined us at the table and kissed Mimi’s cheek before taking his own seat.

“Well, myself for sure.” She smiled at me with her eyes.

“I’ve invited Morgan to come out to Arizona once we get settled out there.”

“Ooh, that sounds nice.” My dad lifted his brows and looked between us kids.

I gave a nod and finished up my breakfast. “Yeah, just lemme know when you guys are all moved out there.”

“Will do.” He sipped his coffee.

I wiped my mouth then began gathering my dishes. “I just need to run upstairs and brush my teeth again and we can go.”

My father nodded then looked to my brother. “When are you gonna head back to the city?”

“Probably like four or five. It’s a Sunday so there shouldn’t be much traffic.”

“What are you going to do until then?”

Grayson checked his watch. “I’ll probably sleep a couple hours and then join up with you guys again. I didn’t get much rest in the armchair.”

“Mmkay, you know where to find us.” My father rose from his seat.

I did as well and placed my dishes in the sink. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” Then I hurried from the kitchen and through the hall to the stairs.

It was going to be another emotionally trying day and I was going to do my hardest to stay strong; if not for myself then for my mom and grandmother. They needed me and I needed to not fall apart. I hadn’t had much practice in the not falling apart category, but I’d do my best. And in case I wasn’t successful, I needed to remember to bring a lot of tissues.

It was the same scene in the hospital room when I arrived there with my dad and grandmother. My poppy was still sedated, looking frail and lost in the hospital bed, that yellow tinge around his mouth. My mother was at his bedside, holding his hand and murmuring softly to him, her eyes already red and swollen. I wanted to turn around and walk right out the minute I stepped into the room, not liking the heavy pressure that was inside my chest or the way my stomach was churning.

Luckily, I didn’t have to wait too long before I had my chance to escape. After greeting my mother and making sure my grandmother was settled comfortably in the armchair, my cell phone chimed with a text and I excused myself to step out into the hall and read it.

It was from Andrew and I lifted a brow as I read what he had sent me.

Heard ur in CT. Dianna told me what happened & I’m so sorry. R u ok?

Why was Dianna discussing my personal life with other people? I frowned and wet my bottom lip, debating on what to respond with, or if I even should. Finally, I relented and hit reply.

Yup in CT, could b better. Thanx

I considered shooting one off to Dianna telling her to stop running her mouth about me, but decided against it because I didn’t want to start any drama. I needed all the support I could get right now. I didn’t want to drive her away; she might leave Daisy on the side of the road. Not really, but it did flash through my head for a split second.

Before I could pocket my phone again, it chimed and Andrew’s name showed on the screen. He had responded already. I selected to view the text then read his message.

Ur welcome. I’m still in NYC if u need a break. Might do u good 2 get away 4 a day.

That made both my brows rise and again I debated on a response. Finally, I pushed reply and typed it out.

Thanx but not sure if I wanna leave here. Appreciate the offer tho.

This time I did pocket my phone, thinking over Andrew’s invitation. He was trying to be a friend and be there for me, offering to take my mind off what I was going through. In theory, it was a good idea, but what happened if I went to visit Andrew and my poppy took a turn for the worse? Besides, I’d feel so guilty to go off and try to have a good time with him lying there sedated and struggling to stay alive. I just didn’t think it was a good idea.

With a sigh, I turned to head back into the room when a voice came from my left.

“Morgan? Morgan Huntley, is that you?”

I blinked at someone calling me by my maiden name and turned to find a petite brunette with her long hair tied back in a simple ponytail and bright lively green eyes. “Um…can I help you?” She looked vaguely familiar to me, but I couldn’t place her.

The brunette gave an excited squeal and moved to me, wrapping me in a hug. “I thought that was you!”

I waited until she had pulled back before speaking again, “I…I’m sorry, but I-”

“You don’t recognize me?” She interrupted, grabbing for the nametag on her white lab coat and wiggling it some. “Eva Davis, though you’ll remember me as Eva Gordon.”

And I did. “Eva?” I gave a low laugh and blushed some, feeling foolish for not remembering someone I had graduated with. “Of course I remember you, I’m sorry…you just caught me off guard.”

She chuckled, tucking the clipboard in one hand under her arm. “That’s alright, I got that laser eye surgery and don’t have to wear glasses anymore, so not many recognize me.”

“Ooh, right.” I nodded some, remembering the tiny brunette with the black wire framed glasses that had sat next to me in English Literature.

“So, what have you been up to? This is the last place I expected to find you.” She waved a hand, motioning around us to the hospital.

“Yeah,” I tucked some hair behind my ear, “um, my grandfather had a heart attack the other night and he’s in there.” I motioned towards his room.

“Ooh, gosh, I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“But don’t you worry; this hospital has some of the best doctors. They’ll take good care of him.”

I smiled and gave a nod. “They’re doing a good job so far.” Then I motioned towards her lab coat and the light blue scrubs she wore underneath. “How long have you worked here?”

“I just established my residency.”

“Oh, wow, that’s great!”

She smiled warmly. “Thank you. How ‘bout yourself? What are you doing these days?”

“Oh,” I shrugged some, “I’m in real estate and I live out in California.”

“California? Wow, I bet that’s nice.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled low, “it’s a lot warmer than here, that’s for sure.”

“I bet it is. Is that where your husband is from? I heard you got married a couple years ago.”

I blinked, feeling my heart starting to beat a little faster. “Um, no …I…I’m not married anymore.”

“Oh.” she pursed her lips and hugged the clipboard to her chest. “I’m so sorry.”

I shook my head, grateful that she wasn’t trying to pry and find out what happened. “It’s okay.”

Eva smiled then motioned to her papers. “I should get going; I have a few patients to see.”

“Oh, sure.”

She watched me a moment then reached out and touched my arm. “It was really good seeing you again. If you’d like, I can stop back by later and check on your grandfather, see how everything is going.”

“Oh,” I shook my head, “I appreciate it, but you don’t have to do that. I’m sure your plate is full enough as is.”

“It’s no bother, really. I’d be glad to do it.”

I smiled and finally relented, “Alright, thank you.”

“Anytime.” She touched my arm again then strode off down the hall.

I watched her go and gave a sigh, reaching up and rubbing my forehead. Well, that hadn’t been awkward whatsoever; yeah right. I hadn’t been expecting to run into anyone that I may have known. But considering that the town isn’t all that big, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Waiting until she had disappeared out the doors to the ICU, I finally turned and headed back into the room.

“There you are,” My father’s voice greeted me as I let the door close slowly behind me.

“Yeah, sorry; I went out to respond to a text and ran into a friend from high school.”

My mimi’s eyes perked up. “Oh, that sounds nice, dear.”

“Yeah,” I made my way back over towards the bed, “she’s a doctor here, actually.” I sank down into a chair next to my mother.

She smiled at me, her blue eyes looking so tired and lifeless. “Your Uncle Spencer is arriving later this afternoon.”

My brows lifted. “Really? Is he coming alone?”

She nodded. “Yeah, Naomi has to work.”

I glanced over to my poppy. “That’s good, he should be here.”

My uncle, Spencer Douglas, was my mimi and poppy’s oldest child. He was three years older than my mom and five older than my Aunt Lindsay. He and his wife, Naomi, lived in Michigan where he worked for Ford as some computer engineer; of what, I wasn’t entirely sure. Naomi was a high school Chemistry teacher and together they had two grown children; my cousins, Gina and Abigail.

“What about Aunt Lindsay?”

“She’s still in Germany,” my mimi explained from the armchair she was resting in. “I talked to her this morning. She isn’t sure when she’d be able to get a flight out, but said she would certainly try if she needed to be here. I told her not to worry herself over it.”

“Ooh, makes sense.” I nodded some and sank back into the chair.

My aunt, Lindsay Schellden, had gone backpacking in the European countryside nearly twenty years ago and never come back. She’d met and married a wonderful German man by the name of Claude Schellden, and was more than happy to make a life for them overseas in the beautiful country. They had a large family; six children in all, ranging in ages from 18 down to four. Once when I was 12, we had taken a trip out there to visit, and they had been here a few times, but I really didn’t see much of my mom’s sister and her family. I was really hoping this would not turn into one of those situations where I did.

I rubbed my head. “When do the doctors come in?”

“They had their rounds before you arrived,” my mom replied.

“Oh.” I glanced around the room wondering if we were going to just sit around like this all day. Lord knows I loved my poppy, but it would get very depressing very quickly.

My dad must have sensed that because he rose to his feet. “Morgan, why don’t we go for a drive?”

“What about Poppy?”

“Your mother will call us if something happens.”

I glanced over to her and she gave a nod, reaching and squeezing my hand. “Go spend some time with your dad.”

I looked to my mimi. “Are you okay with that?” I wasn’t entirely comfortable with leaving her there.

She smiled warmly at me. “Of course, dear. I don’t want you just sitting around here like us old folk.”

“Careful who you’re calling old, Sophie,” my dad joked with her.

“Just myself,” she retorted back.

Standing as well, I kissed both my mom and grandmother’s cheeks before giving my poppy’s hand a warm squeeze. Then my father and I made our way from the room.

Neither of us spoke until we were in the car and heading along the tree lined street, away from the hospital.

“How are you doing, really?” My father questioned as he steered his maroon Chrysler 300 along the road.

I glanced over to him and wet my bottom lip, offering up a shrug. “I’m okay.”

“Just okay?”

“Yeah, not stellar, but not horrible.” And now it was time for that conversation I wanted to avoid. I should have known.

“How’s California treating you?”

I looked to the front window. “It’s there.”

He fell silent and we went another mile or so.

“Why did you run?”

His words made me frown. “I didn’t run.”

“It sure seemed that way, baby. You up and decided to move across the country before your mother and I even knew what was happening.”

“I needed a new start.”

He slowed for a red light and looked to me. “You were avoiding us.”

“I didn’t intend to do that.” I sighed and stared out the side window, not able to look at him. “I just had to get away and start over. I couldn’t handle the way people were looking at me, or treating me; like I was so fragile I’d break, or like they were just so sorry for me. No one knew what to say or do to help me and I didn’t know how to help myself. I needed to figure that out and Connecticut, as much as I love it and you guys, it just wasn’t the place for me to do that in.”

“Have you figured it out?” His voice was gentle and held those notes of concern.

I met his eyes. “I’m getting there.”

He watched me a moment before speaking, “Morgan, you know that your mother and I want you to be happy.”

“I know.”

“And we want you to do whatever you need to do to get there.”

I nodded.

He started through the light after it turned to green. “But we don’t want you avoiding us, or trying to write us out of your lives.”

I sighed and closed my eyes a moment. “I’m not trying to do that. I know…I should have let you come see me, or come home sooner…” tears sprung into my eyes, “…but I just didn’t think I could handle it. I’m not even sure I can handle being here right now. I’m trying hard to get past losing Hugh,” my voice cracked and I looked away, biting my bottom lip. I didn’t want another breakdown.

“You need support, Morgan. You need your family. You can’t get over something that tragic on your own.”

I wiped at my eyes. “I’m not…doing it alone. I have friends out there.”

He stopped for another red light and reached over, turning my face to his. “But you need your family, sweetheart.”

“Dad,” I sighed and rubbed my eyes, “I know you and Mom want to help me get through this, but sometimes a person just has to work past it on their own. I know that you guys are there for me and if I really need you I’ll come to you. I wish you could just be satisfied with knowing that.”

“You weren’t the only one to lose someone when you lost Hugh. He was like a son to both your mother and me,” his eyes searched my face, “we just don’t want to lose our daughter too.”

I bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. “Y…you aren’t going to.”

He watched me a moment then followed the car ahead of us through the traffic light. “Good.”

I brushed some hair from my face and glanced around to where we were heading. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere particular, I’m just driving.”

“Oh.” I watched the scenery a moment before speaking again, “Do you think Poppy will make it?”

My dad sighed and glanced over at me, “It’s hard to tell. If they can get him stabilized and think he’ll be strong enough for the surgery then he might.”

“Or he might not.”

“Let’s not go there yet.”

“I wish we could do more than just sit there watching him. That can’t be healthy for Mimi, or Mom.”

“No, it can’t be,” my father agreed. “But there’s not much else to do.”

I wet my bottom lip. “I know that…I want to be here in case something happens, but honestly, Dad, I don’t know how well I’m going to handle it. I mean,” I rubbed my forehead, trying to get my thoughts in order, “the more I think about it the more upset it makes me and I …don’t want to go back to that place I was six months ago.”

“I understand, sweetheart.” He flicked the left blinker on and slowed for a turn. “I was a bit worried when your mother told me you were coming. Having to deal with something like this so soon after what you’ve already dealt with.”

“But I don’t not want to be here.”

He glanced at me. “What if you went into the city with your brother? Stay at his place a few days then come back on out here later on in the week.”

“I…I don’t know. I don’t want to leave.”

“Morgan, it’s just a few days.” My father’s emerald like eyes met my clear ones.

“What if something happened?”

“Then both you and Grayson will be coming right back out. It’s just a couple hours away, honey.”

I watched him. “You really think it’s a good idea?”

He sighed and brought the car to a stop at a stop sign. “I think it’s something you need just in case things don’t get better.”

He was right.

“You think Grayson will mind?”

“I don’t think he will, but I’ll talk to him.”

“Sometimes, I don’t think he likes me.”

My father sighed some. “I know you two were never close, but he loves you, Morgan. Things are awkward right now because no one knows how to act, or what to say or do. You can’t show up after almost two years and expect things to be a hundred percent normal. You just have to give it some time.”

I gave a little nod.

“And maybe the few days in New York with him will help you two reconnect.”

“Maybe.”

“Hey,” he slowed the car some and looked to me, “things will work out, Morgan. They always have a way of doing that.”

“I know. Sometimes it gets harder before it gets better, but it’ll get there.”

“That’s right.” He gave a firm nod.

I fingered the silver chain that hung around my neck; things always got worse before they got better, but just how much worse were they going to get? Unfortunately, I didn’t have that answer.

“Alright, I’ll go.” I turned my attention back to my father.

He sent me a loving smile. “Good. I think it’s what you need.”

Rather it was what I needed or not, I was doing it. Nodding my head some, I turned my attention back out the window and watched the rolling hills pass.

I did indeed travel with my brother back to his penthouse apartment in New York City. He was more than fine with it and warned me I might find myself bored while he worked and Candace was out of town, but he promised we’d take in a few sights whenever he got any free time. I told him to not even worry about it; I was plenty fine with chilling in their Jacuzzi or eating strawberries and watching movies while they were at work.

I called my mom every morning and evening to stay updated on my grandfather’s condition. The doctor’s brought him out of sedation once more, but he didn’t respond well and they thought the hopes of a heart bypass operation were dim. That panged me, but I was trying to keep a stiff upper lip for my mom’s sake. It was a lot harder on her and my grandmother than it was on me. Not that I wasn’t having my own struggles with the losing situation, but I was trying to be the supportive daughter and granddaughter that they needed. Making up for lost time? Maybe.

I talked to Alex once on Monday, twice on Tuesday and then again Wednesday evening. He reported that things seemed to go well with Bernie’s operation and they were able to remove quite a few of the lumps. They hadn’t been successful with every one, but he was also responding well to the medicine, so there was still hope. I felt some of the weight on my shoulders lift after the good news and after we finally hung up, I sent him a bouquet of yellow daises.

Speaking of daisies, my Daisy was doing fine; she missed me, but was still being her happy go lucky self. Dianna and I talked a few times over the days I was in the Big Apple. She reported good things about my chocolate Lab and made sure to reassure me that she was getting plenty of exercise. She and Manuel had even taken her to the dog park once and the beach twice. I retorted that it sounded like they were enjoying the whole taking care of an animal process, then teased her about needing an ankle biter for herself. She snorted.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t seen much of my brother, or Candace after she arrived home Wednesday night. My main purpose for going into the city to visit them completely defeated; Grayson was wrapped up with some huge clients their firm had been hired by. It was too bad really because I did want to reconnect with my brother. But, he had promised that we’d do dinner Thursday night and had even cleared his schedule for it.

It was now nearly nine o’clock and he hadn’t even called.

I could strangle him.

With a frown, I sank down onto the plush, suede couch and smoothed my dress. I had even worn a nice dress. And now I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. And starving.

He could at least call and let me know he had gotten hung up. We were schedule to drive back to Coventry tomorrow morning and this was going to be our last real chance to repair that brother-sister bond.

Tomorrow was Friday.

The anniversary of Hugh’s death.

Friday.

That fateful day two years ago that changed my life forever.

Friday.

That day I would never get back.

Friday.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight to block out the memory. Okay, I needed to get my mind off it or I’d end up wallowing in the bed eating Chunky Monkey ice cream until I made myself sick. But what was there to do in New York City by yourself when you weren’t too familiar with the area?

Suddenly an answer presented itself to me and I could have smacked myself in the head for not thinking about it sooner; much, much sooner.

Andrew.

He was in the city, unless he’d gone on back to Los Angeles for the week. But it couldn’t hurt to call him and find out.

I pulled my phone from the purse and dialed his number, lifting it to my ear and listening to the rings.

He answered on the third one, “Hello?”

“Andrew?” I peeked to the phone.

“Morgan? Hey!” He sounded happy to hear from me. “How are you? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I gave a nod then shook my head, “actually, no.”

“Is it your grandfather?” Alarm could be heard in his voice.

“No.” I shook my head then blinked and shook it more. “No, not that kind of not okay. I just…” I sighed, “I’m actually in New York at my brother’s place and we were supposed to have dinner tonight, but he stood me up and I really don’t want to be alone at the moment. Are… you here? Are you busy? I just…could really use a friend right now.”

“What’s wrong?”

I suddenly remembered he had no clue about Hugh. Dianna had never told him and neither had I. “Um, I just...I don’t want to be alone.”

“Sure, Babe. Where are you? You want me to come over?”

“No, can we meet somewhere? I can get a cab.”

“Of course.” He rattled off the name of some restaurant and gave me the address.

I agreed to meet him and we hung up. After slipping my phone back into my purse, I gathered my things and made sure to leave a note for Grayson. Then I called down to the doorman and asked for a cab before checking my hair and makeup once more. Deeming myself presentable enough, I gathered the spare key I had been left with and was out the door.

It didn’t take long to get to the cozy little restaurant Andrew had selected and soon we were seated in one of those u-shaped booths, side by side and pouring over the menus. I was ravenous and was able to decide on the Chicken Florentine before too long. Andrew chose the Salmon and we placed the orders, relaxing back in the booth to wait.

“I hope it doesn’t take them long, I’m so hungry I could eat my arm.”

Andrew laughed low and watched me, amusement clearly in his eyes. “You’d eat your own arm?”

“Okay, maybe not, but I could eat a chicken the size of a horse.”

He laughed again. “That’d be a sight to see.”

“What? A chicken the size of a horse?”

“Well yeah, and you trying to eat it.”

I giggled low, smoothing my dress. I was already feeling a bit better just being out of the penthouse and around other people, not to mention someone I knew. “That would be a sight; me, chasing it around with a fork and knife, a napkin tied around my neck.”

His laugh was infectious. “More like, it’d be chasing you around trying to peck you.”

I pushed at his arm, laughing a bit more at the mental that picture produced. “Shh, don’t say that.”

“Sorry,” he apologized with a grin, getting control of himself. “It was just too funny to pass up.”

“Uh huh.” I reached for my water and took a sip.

He cleared his throat and took a drink of his own beverage. “I didn’t realize your brother lived in the city,” he spoke once he had set the glass down and was settled back into the booth again, one arm casually swung up on the back of it.

“Yeah, he and his wife; they live over near Central Park.”

“Ooh, that’s a nice area.”

I gave a nod and tucked my hands beneath my legs. “We were supposed to, kinda, hang out together and catch up, but he’s been swamped with work and I’ve hardly seen him.”

“So, you’ve been all alone each day?”

“Yeah, well except for Consuelo, their housekeeper. But mainly, I have. Though I haven’t really minded that much; they have a really nice place.”

“Didn’t you get lonely?” His fingers moved down and barely brushed my arm.

I didn’t take much notice of it. Instead, I was trying to figure out why I had, for once, felt alright to spend a few days all alone. How come Hugh’s memories hadn’t haunted me, especially being so close to the anniversary? It was very unlike me. “Surprisingly, not really; I watched movies, relaxed in the Jacuzzi, spent some time working out.”

“You should have called me sooner.” His fingers brushed my arm again.

This time I noticed it as a few goosebumps spread where he had touched my skin. “I was okay. Candace is a huge book feign and I got caught up in a few novels.”

“You’ve been keeping busy despite, huh?” His hand rested on my upper arm and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Of course.” I was trying to process what his touches meant. Were they friendly ones, or was he trying to do something a little more?

“How’s your grandfather?”

My shoulders slumped some at that. “They don’t think they’ll be able to do surgery. I’m…not sure the details, but I’ll find out tomorrow after we get back into town.”

Andrew’s brows furrowed and he pulled his arm from around me, taking my hand into his and giving it a squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Morgan. That’s really rough.”

“Yeah,” I spoke softly, watching our hands. It was nothing more than a friendly action.

“How about tonight we don’t talk about grandfathers, or surgeries, or brothers who stand their sisters up?”

I had to smile at his sweetness. “That sounds really nice.”

“Great.” He matched my smile with one of his own.

“So, things are going well for you?”

“At the moment. We had a few hold ups earlier in the week with some of the building supplies, but they were straightened out today.”

“If it weren’t so late, I’d tell you to take me to the site for the building so I could see all your hard work.”

He chuckled and smoothed his shirt and tie. “We could swing by after this. It’s not that far from here actually.”

“Really?” I lifted a brow and pulled my drink closer, taking a sip.

“Yeah.”

The smile on his face made me feel warm inside and I had to return it. “Maybe.”

“And then,” his fingers began to smooth along the palm of my hand, “maybe we could go back to my place.”

I wet my bottom lip, feeling the need to speak up, “Andrew, you know that we’re just friends.”

“I know,” he gave a nod, his eyes trained on our hands, “but I also know that I’m still very interested in you, for more than a friend.”

“Andrew…” I trailed off, not quite sure what to say.

He sighed and squeezed my hand before releasing it. “I know. I know you aren’t ready for a relationship and I respect that. I don’t want to pressure you,” his clear eyes watched me intently, “but I’ve wanted to be more than just friends since the night we met.”

Oh boy.

I sighed and tucked my hands into my lap. I didn’t know what to say, or how to take that. Maybe I was a bit naïve. I hadn’t even considered that he might harbor deeper feelings for me, and not be completely satisfied with remaining on a ‘friends only’ level. I guess I had just assumed that the decision we had made was it and he wouldn’t continue to feel anything else. Man, talk about being an idiot.

“Maybe we could go on one date.”

“Andrew…”

“I…don’t know what’s going on in your life and the reasons why you aren’t ready to date someone, but we could take things slow.” He wet his bottom lip and gave a dry chuckle. “Hell, I’m not even in town much these days. Things could go slower than molasses.”

It was at that very moment that I realized I had dug a rather deep hole for myself and was soon going to be buried in it. Andrew thought I didn’t want to date anyone and when I was, he’d be the obvious choice. Had I led him to believe that? I tried to think back over the conversations we’d had about it, but so much had gone on between now and then that it was difficult to remember everything. Maybe I hadn’t been clear enough that I wasn’t interested in being anything but his friend. And now the situation was even messier because Alex was involved.

What was a girl to do? Was I supposed to tell him about Alex? I didn’t know if that’d piss him off or freak him out, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t take it well. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I couldn’t lie to him. Could I get away without saying anything? Was that considered deceitful? I know it wasn’t being completely honest, but was it any of his business with what was going on between Alex and me? Besides, it wasn’t like I had been looking to date anyone. I had been telling the truth when I told Andrew I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship or to even get my feet wet. But sometimes things just happened, no matter how hard you tried to fight it.

“Morgan?”

His voice yanked me from my thoughts and I blinked, meeting his gaze. “Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I tucked some hair behind my ear and looked over as the server arrived with our food. Thank God. Not only was I starving, but I really needed the distraction.

We busied ourselves with getting our plates situated and started in on the piping hot meals, a silence falling over the table. For the moment, he seemed to have forgotten about the conversation; or at the very least, let it drop. I was grateful and concentrated on my Chicken Florentine.

We ate for a few moments in reticence, enjoying the delicious food and cozy environment and then Andrew began to tell me some tale about work and an order that got all misconstrued. It turned out to be pretty humorous and in turn I drudged up some of my own stories from the real estate office.

No one brought up the whole dating situation again and I was more than relieved. I could tell that Andrew sensed I didn't want to go there and I appreciated that he was respecting it. Though once we were both back in the safety of LA I wasn't sure what to expect. I wasn't keen on having to tell him about Alex and I really didn't want to hurt his feelings, but I saw Andrew as nothing more than a friend.

After our plates were cleared away and we were sipping on some nice house wine and enjoying the soft tunes the piano player strummed up, I relaxed back in the booth. It was getting late, but I wasn't ready to head back. I think a part of me was hoping that by delaying my return to the penthouse in some way I'd be inadvertently delaying the coming of the next day.

"What's on your mind?" Andrew's crystal clear eyes watched me like he knew I was hiding some kind of secret.

I lowered my wine glass and met his gaze. "Just the whole situation with my grandfather." Not a total lie, but not the complete truth. For some reason I didn't feel comfortable opening up my vulnerable side to him and telling him about my husband.

"We're not supposed to talk about that," he reminded me with a knowing smile.

"I know," my fingers smoothed along the stem of the glass, "but I just can't get it out of my mind."

He reached and took my hand into his again. "I know it's hard. Three years ago I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's."

I blinked. "I thought your grandparents lived up in wine country?"

"Those are my dad's parents. This was my mom's mom."

"Oh," a pause, "I'm so sorry. That had to be rough."

"It was, but each day gets just a little bit better. It's never going to go away, but with time it does ease up."

"Yeah." My head gave a small nod. I did not want to be talking about this conversation anymore. Clearing my throat, I looked his way once more. "So, were you going to show me this new building of yours or are we going to sit here all night until they kick us out?"

A large grin formed on his face and he set his glass down. "Right, let's get moving then." He paid the check then, together, we headed for the doors.

We had just exited into the cool New York night air when my phone rang.

"Oh, hold up." I paused and dug it from my purse, seeing Grayson's name on the screen. "It's my brother." I glanced over to Andrew then answered the call, "Hello?"

"Morgan? Where are you?"

"Um..." I glanced around my surroundings, "I'm at Alta Voce with a friend I know from back in LA that's out here in New York this week. Are you still at work?"

"No, I'm on my way home."

The way he said that made a chill run right down my spine. "What's wrong?"

"You need to meet me there." He brushed my question aside.

I could feel the fear rapidly growing in my stomach. "Grayson, what's going on?"

There was a pause. "It's Poppy."

"Oh no." I felt my knees growing weak and reached a hand out for a light post. "What happened? Did he have another heart attack? Did he have a stroke?"

Grayson gave a sigh and I knew he was dreading his next words.

"What...what is it?" The words came out choked and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up straight.

"He...um...he's gone, Morgan..."

Inside, my heart was breaking. "No...no.." I shook my head vehemently as a sob rose in my throat. Poppy couldn't be dead. He was supposed to get better and go home. He was supposed to live until he was at least 100. He was supposed to come out to California and see a Pacific sunset.

"He is. Mom...called me a few ago and she wants us to get out there as soon as we can."

I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth, the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I'm almost home and I'm gonna get a bag together. Can you meet me there?"

I gave a sobbed response and nodded my head, wiping at my cheeks. This could not be happening. It had to be some dream gone terribly wrong.

"Okay, I"ll see you in a few." He added his goodbyes and then hung up.

As I lowered my phone and slipped it back into my purse I became acutely aware of Andrew beside me smoothing his hand along my back. I hadn't even noticed when he'd come up next to me. "Andrew..." I choked out in a strained tone.

"I know..." He pulled me against his chest, both arms wrapping around my slender body and holding me close.

I didn't want to cry there in his embrace, but the tears wouldn't stop. I could feel a tightening in my chest and I closed my eyes tight, pressing my face against his shirt.

He held me for a few moments, smoothing my back and whispering soft 'it's going to be okay's' into my ear.

I finally couldn't take anymore and pulled away. I wanted to scream at him to shut up, that he didn't know if it was going to be okay, that it might never be okay again, but I didn't. Instead, I asked if he'd take me back to my brother's.

He agreed and hailed us a cab.

Once inside, I dug some tissue from my purse and wiped my eyes. This next week was going to be a repeat of two years ago; the visitations, the funeral, the dinners, the family and friends. An emotional roller coaster ride that I didn't know if I could handle again. But I had to try. If not for my mom then definitely for my mimi. I had to be there for them because Lord knows they were there for me. After all we were family, and that's what families did.

The ride back to Coventry was filled with silence. It was just Grayson and myself; Candace would be joining us on Saturday. We had been driving for about 45 minutes and so far neither one of us had uttered more than two words. It was late; the dashboard clock glowed 12:53am and I know he had to be exhausted from his long day. And we still had another hour or more to go. The traffic was lighter than normal, but wouldn't become sparse until we were another good half hour down the road.

I shifted in my seat and rubbed my swollen eyes. They hurt and, at the moment, I wanted nothing more than to fall into the welcome arms of sleep. But I knew only horrible dreams would plague me and that would be if I could even get to sleep.

"You alright?" Grayson finally broke the silence and I looked over to find him watching me.

"No."

"Me either." He turned back to the road.

I sighed and tucked some limp hair behind my ear. "This sucks."

"You're telling me."

"I can't believe it's really happening. That... that he's really gone..." my voice broke and I pressed my lips together in an attempt to keep some kind of composure.

"Me either," he echoed softly.

I cleared my throat some. "Let's talk about something else."

"Okay." He flexed his hands on the wheel, watching the lights from the car ahead of us. "Who was that guy that brought you back tonight?"

I hadn't meant that, and I hadn't meant for them to even meet, but once the cab had gotten us back to Grayson's apartment complex, Andrew had insisted on seeing me inside, saying I was in no condition to make it on my own. He thought I'd end up misreading the elevator numbers and end up on the roof. I tried to tell him I was okay, but it didn't work and the two met very briefly when Andrew spotted my brother as I opened the door to head inside.

"You met him, you know his name."

"Yes, we met for like five seconds and I learned his name, but who is he?"

I sighed, not wanting to get into the semantics of my relationships with people. "His name is Andrew Holden and he's an architect. He lives in LA, but he's out here working on a big project. And when you stood me up-"

"I didn't stand you up," he interrupted me. "I told you after you got back that I was called in to some late night emergency meeting."

"Okay, when you had emergency meetings and your building lost all telephone service-"

"Morgan, I told you that I hadn't been able to call because I can't just tell the president of Johnson & Johnson that I needed five minutes to call my sister."

I contained the eye roll that wanted to slip out. "Fine, anyway," he scowled at that, but I ignored it, "when I realized you weren't going to be home in time for dinner, I called him and wet met up."

"Are you seeing him?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but no. We are strictly friends."

"Are you seeing anyone?"

I frowned some. "Why are you asking me that?"

He shrugged. "Just making conversation."

"Yeah, somehow I feel it's a little more than "just conversation"," I finger quoted the last part of my sentence.

"Maybe it is." He glanced my way. "I'm just wondering how you're getting along out there, alone."

Was he trying to piss me off on purpose? "First off; I'm not alone, and second of all; I'm getting along just fine, thank you."

"Why are you getting so defensive?" His tone changed to a softer demeanor.

I rubbed my head, wishing that the silence was still filling the car. "I'm not getting defensive."

"You are, Morgan." He glanced over at me again.

I blew a puff of air from between my lips. "I'm tired of people thinking that I'm all alone out there and that I'm not moving on with my life; that I'm hiding and wasting away." I shook my head. "I'm not doing any of that."

"We only think those things because you ran away from here and for the past year and a half have refused to see any of us," His tone had lost the edge and held genuine notes of concern.

"I know and I didn't mean for it to go down that way. I just...wanted a fresh start."

"Without your family?"

The lights from the dashboard reflected on his face and I thought I detected a disheartened expression. It made my chest ache. "I know I hurt you guys and I'm so sorry. I guess I was just afraid you would remind me of Hugh and I didn't want anything that'd remind me of Hugh."

His eyes met mine. "I get that, but you have no idea the kind of grief and turmoil it put Mom and Dad through."

My gaze dropped to my lap. "I know."

"And look what you lost because of it; the last few years left with Poppy."

Hot tears began to sting my eyes. "Don't remind me, please."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, the last thing I want to do is make you feel guilty. You don't need that on top of what you're already going through. What we're all going through."

I brushed some stray tears from my cheeks. "I don't want you mad at me."

He slowed the car some as the traffic ahead of us slowed down. "Morgan, I'm not mad at you. I was mad at first, seeing how upset our parents were, but not anymore. Now, I just feel sad for you."

"Please don't," I shook my head and looked in his direction, "I'm okay, really. Yeah, it was hard and still is, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him...but I can finally see that light at the end of the tunnel."

Grayson reached over and gave my hand a comforting squeeze. "Good. We just want you happy again, that's all."

"I know," I nodded and returned the squeeze before he took his hand back to help steer the vehicle. "I’m getting there; it's been a long time coming, and a very slow process, but I’m getting there."

“That’s all that matters.”

“Right.” I smiled through the tears that shone in my eyes. I hadn’t really noticed too much until tonight, but it was true; I was slowly becoming happy again. And when the time was right, I would tell them about Alex.

~*~*~*~*~

It was late, but my parents were still awake when we got back to Coventry. They were in the living room with my mimi, drinking hot coffee and staring at the floor with somber expressions. My mother’s eyes were red and puffy and my mimi looked like someone had ripped the heart right out of her chest. I went straight to her and wrapped her petite body in my arms, holding her close.

The five of us sat there for another hour, or so, crying and hugging, comforting one another the best we could and trying not to fall to complete pieces. It was emotionally exhausting and when I finally dragged myself up to the bedroom, I barely had enough energy to brush my teeth and change into some sleep clothes. I think I was out before my head hit the pillow.

It wasn’t until the sun hit me squarely in the face and my eyes peeked open that I remembered I hadn’t called Alex. With a groan, I buried my head under my pillow and pouted at not remembering to do that. I knew he would have been able to provide some type of solace for me, even just the sound of his voice was comforting in a way.

Peeking from under my pillow, I noted it was barely 9:30am, way too early California time to make the call. I would just have to make sure I took a few moments to slip away from everyone and get a hold of him later. I’d only been gone a week, but I already missed him something awful. Which was odd to me, but in a way felt strangely normal.

I pouted at that thought and finally tossed the covers from me. I could hear people moving about downstairs and knew family would be arriving soon and I would need to help with whatever my mom needed. This probably meant washing linens and towels and preparing the last guest room for whoever might stay there.

I slipped from the bed and gathered some clothes then headed for the shower. I might feel like crap, but I was going to try to at least look like I felt okay.

Thirty minutes later, I entered the kitchen to find my dad and brother seated at the table finishing up their breakfast. They were both dressed and ready for the day and each pouring over different sections of the morning newspaper.

I set my phone on the counter and grabbed a mug from the cupboard, pouring myself a fresh cup of coffee. "Where are Mom and Mimi?"

"They went with your Uncle Spencer to speak with the director at the funeral home," my father explained, glancing over the top of his paper at me.

I pouted and added some creamer to the black liquid. "Is everyone coming into town today? Do we need to call anyone?"

"Already taken care of," came my brother's response.

"Oh." I held the warm mug with both hands and took a small sip, feeling the scalding liquid heating my mouth and throat then down into my stomach. It felt nice and I took another, sighing at the warmth that filled me.

"You're mimi is going to be staying with us."

I looked over to my father. "That might be best. Who is gonna stay at her place?"

"Your Aunt and her family. They're arriving tonight from Germany."

"Makes sense." I took another drink of the coffee then looked to my cell phone as it gave its familiar ring. Reaching over, I lifted it and checked the screen; Dianna.

"I'm going to take this in the living room," I spoke to Grayson and our father before hurrying from the kitchen. Once in the quietness of the parlor, I lifted my phone and answered it, "Hello?"

"I just had to call and tell you that thanks to your dog, Manuel is now talking about possibly going to look for one for us," Her unenthused voice greeted me. "I hope you're happy."

I chuckled low; Dianna was never one to make small talk. "Hello to you too and I'm thrilled. It's about time you two talked about getting a puppy."

"Ooh no, not a puppy. Maybe, maybe a dog; a year or two old. But no puppy. I'm not about to clean up after any mongrel or try to train them. No matter how much Manuel promised he'd do it, you know that shit would be left up to me."

"True," I laughed low, "okay, so a dog. Where are you looking at? The Humane Society? They get hundreds of precious guys that need good homes."

"Heh, we go in there and my luck we'd come out with four of 'em."

"Aww." I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips.

She sighed and I imagined she was scowling. "Daisy is doing well. Though, you may not get her back once you get home because my husband might take her hostage."

My eyes drifted towards the kitchen. "Well, you're going to have to hang onto her for a bit longer...I have no idea when I'll be getting back to LA."

Dianna paused. "What happened?"

I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. The words felt stuck in my throat and I had to force them out, "Poppy...died last night."

"What?! Ooh God, Morgan..."

"Yeah." I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Honey, I'm so sorry..."

I could hear the sympathy in her voice and I had to force myself not to cry. "I wasn't even here. I...I was in New York. I should have been here."

"No, Morgan, don't say that. You did what you had to do."

"I should have been here," my voice trembled.

"Don't do that, Morgan. Don't beat yourself up. You had no way of knowing."

I wiped at my eyes again. "I...I know, but I could have...done something. I could have...told him goodbye. I didn't even get to say goodbye." I sank into an armchair and buried my face in my hand.

"Oh, honey..." she sighed and was probably at a loss for words on how to comfort me. “What can I do? You want me to come out there?"

"N...no...you got too much going on. Your... your book is due and...you have those meetings with your publishers. I...I can't let you do that."

"I can reschedule them easy."

"Please, not on my account. I.. I have my parents and...family out here. I'm..." I wet my bottom lip and knew I was about to lie through my teeth, "I'm okay."

She was quiet for a moment, but then finally agreed. We spoke for a few more minutes and she asked for the address to my parents place, insisting that she was going to send flowers if she couldn't be out here for support. I relayed the information and, after promising to call her the following day, we finally hung up.

With a heavy sigh, I slouched more in the chair and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe I should have told her to come on out, I was going to need someone to help keep me sane and Dianna knew exactly how to do that.

I didn't want her to have to reschedule all her meetings though, on my account. This new book of hers was a big deal and putting things on hold would cost a lot of money, not to mention, if she had any appearances or book signings scheduled. Changing even one thing could set off a domino effect and throw everything off balance.

I was just going to have to get through this on my own.

~*~*~*~*~

My family came in hordes on Friday; aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, friends and friends of cousins. Being a small town, the news spread quickly and people were bringing casseroles over before we had even decided on a day for the funeral.

I kept myself busy with tidying the house and finding room in the fridge for all the food. My mom, uncle and mimi finally returned from the funeral home and sat around the table discussing the funeral preparations. Of course, they wanted to wait for Lindsay before making any final decisions and then I was sent over to Mimi's to help prepare it for their arrival.

It was a long and rather exhausting day, physically and emotionally, and I didn't make it back to my parents place until after ten pm. My aunt and her family were due to arrive by midnight and I knew I'd be expected to wait up to greet them with everyone, but at the moment all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and try to get some sleep.

I climbed the porch steps slowly, enjoying my last few minutes of quiet. The lights from inside shone through the tiny spaces between the curtains and the window and I knew most of my family were just on the other side.

I had stayed busy for most the afternoon and evening and no one had really been given a chance to talk to me. Which, on my part, I deemed a good thing. I knew they'd want to ask how things were going, how California was treating me, if I was feeling better. They were wondering why I had left so abruptly, why I felt the need to move across the country, if I was going to be coming back home.

It had been hard enough explaining everything to my parents and Grayson; I was nowhere near ready to explain things to anyone else. The thought of all the questions, looks and whispers made my stomach churn and I found myself seeking refuge on the porch swing.

The night was calm with a slight chill in the air. There wasn't a cloud overhead and all the stars twinkled brightly, the moon full and casting eerie shadows around the yard and out in the street. I was half tempted to go lie in the yard and watch the sky; you didn't see the stars in the city. All the bright lights from Los Angeles dimmed them; such a shame really.

Deciding I didn't have the energy to move off the swing at the moment, I rubbed my arms and wondered how long I'd get away with hiding on the porch. Probably at least until my Aunt Lindsay arrived. Another hour or so. That would only be if I could handle the chill in the air and not be forced inside to seek warmth.

As I swung lazily in the porch swing, I listened to the sounds of the crickets and frogs that lived out in the yard. It dawned on me that not only did I miss the stars, but I missed all the sounds of the nighttime as well; crickets, frogs, locusts, the occasional coyote howl. I'd left a lot behind when I had run to California. Not just my family, but all the things I had grown up with. The small town vibe meant a lot to me and it wasn't until I was back that I realized just how much it did and how much I missed it.

And Hugh.

I hadn't forgotten what day it was and for the first time I felt somewhat grateful that I had been busy enough not to dwell on it. But it loomed over me and a heavy feeling was settling in my chest. Maybe I should go inside; that might be better than taking a trip down memory lane.

I had just risen from the swing when the sound of a vehicle caught my attention and I turned to find a car pulling alongside the curb. It rolled to a stop and parked under a streetlight and I lifted my brows. I had thought my aunt and her family weren't arriving till closer to midnight, but maybe they had gotten lucky and the plane had made good time and landed early.

Watching the dark sedan, I half expected the doors to fly open and my cousins to come spilling out, but after a moment, no one emerged. That seemed a bit odd and I took a step closer to the steps, half intending to see who was inside, half worried I may not want to.

Finally, after what felt like an hour, but was probably more just a few minutes, the interior light came on and the driver's door opened. Apprehension had grown inside me the very moment I realized this was not my aunt and uncle and I nearly bolted for the house when I saw the movement. Horrible thoughts were racing through my mind and I choked back a scream.

Nothing bad ever happened in Coventry. People left their front doors unlocked, their keys in the car, neighbors watched out for neighbors and the worst crime was teen vandalism. But as a figure emerged from inside the vehicle, I suddenly had thoughts of burglary and murder. I was too adjusted to the crimes of bigger cities.

The sound of the car door being shut seemed faint against the pounding of my heart in my ears and as badly as I wanted to bolt into the house, my feet wouldn't let me move. I felt frozen in place. The scream caught in my throat was now making its way into my mouth and as I opened it to let it out, I suddenly recognized the figure.

Alex.

A feeling of relief washed over me and I nearly sagged against one of the white support columns. A million questions filled my mind and I knew my brain was working in overload trying to process everything. Tears sprang to my eyes and instead of a scream; a strangled sound came out instead.

And then I was moving; off the porch and across the yard towards the street. I don't remember doing that. One minute I was on the porch, the next I was throwing myself into his arms, feeling them wrapping around me and hugging me close.

His scent, his warmth, the sound of his heartbeat, the feel of his chest; it flowed through me and tears spilled from my eyes. I pressed my face into his chest and inhaled all that was Alex. He was here. I don't know how or why...but he was. And at the moment, that's all that mattered.

We stood there in each others arms at the curb for I don't know how long. I didn't want to pull away for fear that I was dreaming and moving might make him vanish. So I stayed there tucked against him, holding him close and taking in his scent.

It was Alex who spoke first and broke the spell that seemed to be around us.

"I guess this answers my question."

I peeked up to his face, a grin spreading over my own. "What question?"

"On rather or not you'd be happy to see me."

"I am, but I'm also confused and wondering if I'm dreaming."

He matched my smile and brushed his lips over my forehead. "No, this is very much real."

"How did you know where to find me? How did you know I was here? How...did you know to come? Wait...why are you here? What's going on?" I rattled question after question off at him in one breath.

He smoothed his hand along my back, taking the questions in stride. "I had a visitor at my door this morning."

My brows drew together. "Who?"

“Daisy."

"My Daisy?"

“The one and only."

I blinked. "How...what..."

He laughed and watched me with an amused expression. "She was sitting on my porch when I went to get the mail. I knew immediately who she was ... and thought maybe you had gotten home. But when I got to your place, you weren't there and this woman came rushing over as I was trying to decide what to do with your dog."

"Dianna."

He nodded, "Right, Dianna. She said she was dog sitting for you and that Daisy had run off when she had let her out to go potty. She thanked me immensely for returning her and then we introduced ourselves. Of course, she was elated to discover who I was," my cheeks blushed and he chuckled low, "and then she wasted no time in telling me what had happened."

I hugged him again. "You didn't have to come, but I'm so grateful that you did."

"Yes I did." He kissed the top of my head, holding me close. "I think Daisy showing up on my stoop was a very clear sign that I needed to come out here."

"Maybe so." I smelled his chest and gave a soft sigh.

He rubbed my back and peeked towards the house. “I’m glad you happened to be outside. I felt kind of …awkward at the thought of knocking and asking for you.”

I lifted my head and met his gaze. “Yeah, that might have been kind of strange. Everyone would have been wondering who you were and why you were here.”

“Exactly.” He brushed his fingers over my cheek and it made me shiver and hug him tighter.

“When did you get in?”

“A few hours ago,” he smoothed his hands down my arms and took my hands into his own, “I rented a car then got a room at the Nathan Hale Inn over near the university and now, here I am.”

I smiled and squeezed his hands before blinking. “Oh, what about Bernie? He just had surgery…he needs you.”

“Don’t worry about Bernie. I left him with a good friend and he’ll be taken care of.”

“Are you sure?” The last thing I needed was for Alex to fly across the country for me and then something to happen to his dog.

His fingers smoothed over my cheek and he forced our eyes to meet. “Positive.”

I felt a sense of relief wash over me and embraced him again. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too, baby.” He kissed my head and hugged me close.

We stood wrapped in each others arms for a few more minutes before he pulled back and took my hands in his again. “It’s a little chilly out here.”

“Oh, yeah…” I glanced around then towards the house, “um…do you wanna go somewhere? I’d…invite you in, but tonight…just…probably isn’t good. I have an aunt coming in tonight with her family and it’s just kind of crazy at the moment.”

“Um no, that’s perfectly fine with me. I’d feel sort of uncomfortable being thrust into the midst of what’s going on.”

I gave a slight nod and pulled a hand from his, rubbing the back of my neck with it. I knew I wasn’t ready to introduce my family to Alex, but he was here and it was going to have to happen sooner than later. “Yeah, tonight’s probably not a good night for meeting the fam.”

He nodded in agreement and smoothed a hand along my arm. “Are you hungry?”

Suddenly it dawned on me that I hadn’t eaten anything since early that morning. “Um, not really, but I should eat something. I haven’t all day.”

“Okay, let’s do that.”

I glanced back to the house then to him. “Okay, give me just a minute to let them know so they don’t wonder where I’ve gone.”

“Sure, babe.” He kissed my cheek then headed for the vehicle.

I sighed and smoothed my shirt before heading back across the lawn and onto the porch. Taking a little breath and trying to figure out exactly what I was going to say, I finally headed into the house and shut the door behind me.

“Morgan, honey? Is that you?” My mother emerged from the living room. “I didn’t expect you to be so long cleaning the house.”

I shrugged and set the keys to her car onto the end table. “I took my time.”

“Are you alright, dear?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” I motioned back towards the door behind me, “But um, I ran into a friend and we’re gonna go get something to eat.”

“This late?” Miriam checked her watch.

“Neither of us has eaten all day. I won’t be too long.” I kissed her cheek then retreated back to the door, opening it before she could object.

She hesitated. “Well, alright. Be careful.”

“Always.” I smiled then slipped back outside and closed the door securely.

Alex had pulled the car into the drive while I had been inside and I crossed the porch then headed across the walk and slipped into the vehicle.

“All set?” He questioned as I buckled and settled back into the seat.

“Yes,” I flashed a grin, “let’s go.”

He returned the smile and then we were off.

Fifteen minutes later we were seated in an all night diner just outside of town. It was small and I knew it wouldn’t be crowded this late; the perfect place to relax and talk, not to mention they had the best onion rings in the state of Connecticut.

After placing the orders, I settled into the back of the booth and sipped on my water, watching Alex from over the top of the glass.

A little grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “What?”

I shrugged and pulled the straw from between my lips. “Just watching you.”

“You like what you see?” His voice had a teasing note.

“So far I do.”

He chuckled then reached across the table and took my hand. “So, how you holding up?”

I sighed at the question, but answered it, “I’m okay. Today’s been rough.”

“I imagine so.”

“Yeah,” my gaze dropped to the table, “especially more so because today was the anniversary of Hugh’s death.”

“Geeze,” he squeezed my hand firmly, “I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s been hard.” I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.

“I know.” He stroked my hand in a soothing manner.

I sighed and wiped at my eyes with my free hand. “And now I have to go through all of this with my poppy.”

“How is your grandmother doing?”

I shrugged a shoulder. “The best she can be, considering. I avoided everyone today and cleaned their place top to bottom,” my voice cracked, “it was hard to see… all his things.”

“I imagine it brought back a lot of memories.”

The way he was massaging my hand calmed me. “It did. I couldn’t go into their bedroom.”

“That’s perfectly fine.” He pressed his mouth to my knuckles.

I cleared the lump from my throat and met his gaze. “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this next week. Not just…because of my grandfather, but …I haven’t seen these people since Hugh’s funeral…and they’re going to be whispering behind my back and wondering what happened and wanting to know why I left.” A beat. “All they know is from my parents’ point of view.”

“Well, maybe this is your chance to explain everything.”

“What am I supposed to do? Make a speech? I just can’t see me explaining everything over and over, that’ll be so tiring and I cannot rehash that part of my life. I just can’t.”

“Hey, don’t get yourself worked up.” He held my hand with both of his, leaning over the table some.

I sighed and slouched in my seat. “I’m sorry. It’s… it’s a fresh scab and I just don’t want everyone picking at it.”

“I know, baby.”

“Yeah,” the word slipped from my lips with a puff of air and I fiddled with the edge of a napkin. “So um,” I cleared my throat and lifted my head to meet his gaze; determined to change the topic of conversation, “how long are you going to be here?”

Alex lowered our hands to the table and shrugged one shoulder. “I didn’t get a return ticket yet. I wasn’t sure what was going on with you.”

“How ‘bout we sneak out and go back tonight?”

He blinked. “Are you serious?”

I gave a dry chuckle. “Only half; I know I can’t, but it doesn’t mean part of me doesn’t want to.”

Alex chuckled low and the middle aged waitress that had taken our orders appeared at our side, placing two piping hot plates down before us. She inquired if we needed anything more, but satisfied with the meals, we sent her on her way.

“So, what all do you have to do tomorrow?” Alex questioned as he squirted ketchup onto the bun of his burger.

“I don’t even know. We have family coming in so I’ll probably be stuck at the house all day.”

“That doesn’t exactly thrill you, huh?”

“About as much as eating glass does.”

“You know,” he lifted a brow, “they really have people who can do that.”

“They’re crazy.” I shook my head and grabbed up an onion ring, holding it towards him. “Try this.”

“Ooh, so these are the best onion rings in the state of Connecticut,” he quoted my statement made when we were trying to decide where to eat.

“Mmhmm,” I held it closer to his mouth, “take a bite.”

Alex did so then reached a hand up to catch the part of the ring that crumbled when he bit into it. “Ooh hot,” he breathed out as he attempted to eat it.

“Oops,” I winced and quickly set the ring back on the plate. “Gosh, are you okay? I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

He swallowed it successfully then took a long drink of his soda. “Yeah, I’m good,” he exclaimed after setting the glass back on the table and wiping his mouth.

I made a little face. “Try one again after they’ve cooled some.”

“Good idea.” Alex chuckled then returned to his own food.

I watched him a moment before taking up my fork and making myself eat some of the chicken salad I had ordered.

After a few bites of his burger, Alex set it down and wiped his hands with a napkin. “Okay, lemme try an onion ring.”

“Ooh, you think they’re cool enough?”

“One way to find out.” He wiggled his brows then let me select one and offer it to his mouth.

I giggled low and watched as he took a bite, making sure he had bit completely through the onion part before pulling back. “Good, huh?”

He nodded, but a voice from my left spoke up before he had a chance to reply.

“My, my, are my eyes deceiving me?”

I froze in my spot, sharp chills spreading from my lungs straight down into my stomach. I knew that voice anywhere and despite wincing on the inside, I lowered the onion ring back to my plate and turned towards the newcomer with a smile. “Jade, hi. Yeah, it’s really me.”

Jade Carnes, formerly Jade Weston a.k.a. Hugh’s sister, stood at the side of the table dressed in a pair of dark denim jeans and a cream colored sweater. “I wouldn’t believe it if I wasn’t seeing it with my own eyes.” Those steely blue eyes she mentioned looked me over then darted over to my companion. Lifting a brow, she glanced back to me. “I thought once you’d high tailed it out of here, you wouldn’t be back.”

I bit my cheek at the cool tone to her voice. Jade and I had never had the best of relationships. In fact, we hardly had one. Of course, we’d play nice and smile for the cameras when we had been forced together at family events, but that was about it. Hugh wasn’t too fond of his sister; who had married rich and morphed into one of those society snobs that looks down her nose at those that make less than two hundred grand a year. And so I hadn’t had to deal with her too much, thankfully. But now, here she was and here I was.

“Did you bring your new beau,” her eyes darted to Alex then back to me at that, “home to meet the family?”

“No.” I held back the venom that wanted to come out with that.

“No? Then who’s this?” She waved a hand towards Alex.

“I’m Alex,” he introduced himself, holding a hand out towards her.

He was wearing long sleeves, but the minute Jade spied the tattoos on his hand, she made a face and refused the handshake. “Ugh, you’ve really downgraded, haven’t you?”

I blinked, my eyes widening at her statement. Could she have possibly gotten any ruder in the last two years? I hadn’t thought that was feasible, but it sure seemed so. “Jade!”

“What? It’s the truth. Hugh was so clean and…” she looked Alex over with a pure look of distaste, “and normal and now look at who you’re bringing home.”

I couldn’t believe I was actually hearing the words coming out of her mouth. I could feel my face flush with anger and embarrassment for Alex and had to clench my hands into fists to keep from jumping from the booth and lunging at her. “That was completely uncalled for.” I tried to keep my tone even, but my voice trembled just a little with the emotions I was feeling.

Jade gave a shrug and placed her hands onto her hips. “No, it wasn’t. I always knew you were the type to be slumming. Made me wonder what Hugh ever saw in you,” a shrug, “maybe the semi wasn’t an accident, maybe he just wanted to escape you.” She threw the last part at me before smirking and turning on her heel to saunter off.

I felt like I had just been kicked in the stomach, my entire face was red and it was starting to spread down over my body. A bile taste rose into my mouth and I forced it back, suddenly pushing out of the booth and going after Jade with every intent to do her bodily harm.

It was Alex’s strong hands that grabbed my shoulders and held me back. “Morgan, don’t,” he warned in a low hiss as he pulled my body against his and wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me in place.

I struggled in his grasp, watching as the woman of my spite waltzed right out the door. “How dare she?!” I seethed, trying to go after her once more.

He held me strong against his body. “Kicking her ass isn’t going to get you anywhere but a night in jail. You know that woman would press charges. And as much as I love to see some girl on girl action, I can’t let you end up there.”

I frowned and finally went slack. “It’d make me feel a hell a lot better.”

“Maybe so, but I don’t think you want a criminal record,” he paused, “unless you already have one.”

“No,” I sighed out, waiting until his grip loosened then pulling from him and sinking down onto the edge of the booth.

Alex was quiet for a moment before crouching down in front of me, one hand on my knee. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Silly question, I don’t know why I asked.”

I reached out and touched his cheek. “I’m sorry she said those horrible things about you.”

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.”

“I know, but I still am.”

He kissed my palm. “Okay and I’m sorry she said that stuff to you.”

I snorted and frowned towards the exit. “Talk about slumming, she’s the hoity toity bitch that wouldn’t be caught dead in a McDonalds, let alone a place like this. What was she doing here?”

“I don’t know,” he shook his head, “I don’t even know who she is.”

My eyes shifted back to his face at that. “Jade Carnes…she’s Hugh’s sister.”

“Really?” He arched a brow and glanced towards the exit as well then back to me. “She’s a bitch.”

“She always has been, but she’s seemed to have gotten worse since I last saw her.”

“Hugh wasn’t like his sister, was he?” He rose to his feet and slipped back into the booth.

“Oh God, no.” I turned to face him and pushed my plate away. “Hugh was genuine and compassionate and caring and…just perfect. Jade…” I searched for words that weren’t too hateful, “Jade married really young to a multi-millionaire. She let the money and attention get to her head and it completely changed her. They have a house out here on the lake and then like…four other places around the world. Though by now, it’s probably more like ten.”

“Lemme guess, they have a loveless marriage.”

“Why do you say that?”

He shrugged. “Because she has to tear everyone else down to make herself feel better.”

“That doesn’t mean they have a loveless marriage.”

“It does if she’s got to attack others’ relationships because hers has gone to the shithole.”

“Maybe.” I reached out and toyed with my fork.

“He probably has a mistress, or two.”

I gave a low chuckle then felt bad for laughing at that. “Hugh wasn’t too fond of Jade. We usually only had to deal with her at like…family gatherings; Christmas, Thanksgiving…Easter. And even then we tried to keep it to a minimal.”

“Does he have any other siblings?”

“Yeah, a younger sister, Isla. She’s always been a sweetheart to me. But I have no idea where she is or what she’s up to.” I studied the table top. “I lost touch with his family after his death.”

“Well, that’s understandable.”

“Yeah,” I lifted my head to meet his gaze, “can we talk about something else?”

“Sure, what do you want to talk about?” He pulled his burger closer again and resumed eating.

“Anything that doesn’t deal with my past.”

“How ‘bout your future?”

“Yeah and how’s that look?”

Alex chewed on his food and then wiped his mouth before speaking, “Well, from over here it looks pretty damn good.”

I offered up a small grin. “Yeah?”

He reached across the table and took my hand again. “Absolutely. Now eat your food.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something.” His expressive eyes watched me with concern.

Those eyes always made me melt. Begrudgingly, I pulled my plate closer. “Maybe a few bites.”

“That’s all I ask.” Then he returned to his own food and a comfortable silence fell around us.

It was early, the sun had yet to rise over the horizon and I was tucked under the blankets barely dozing. For some reason I had woken up early, too early. It was barely five a.m. and sleep was evading me. I knew it’d only be a couple more hours before I’d really have to be up and at ‘em, and that’s why I longed for as much rest and quiet as I could get.

Suddenly a small ping sounded from somewhere in the room and I stilled myself. What was that?

It came again and I tossed the covers from my head, pushing up on one elbow and glancing around.

Ping.

My eyes were pulled in the direction of the sound and I found myself watching the window. Was someone throwing gravel at my window? It dawned on me who might be doing that this early and I was quickly scrambling from the bed, shivering at the chill on the wood floor and hurrying over to the large window seat. Pulling the curtains back, I lifted the blinds and peered outside.

Alex stood on the lawn below. I had to squint and use the light spilling into the yard from the streetlamp to make sure I was correct, but I was.

So that was why he had wanted to know what window was mine that previous night when he’d finally dropped me back home. I couldn’t help but smile and unlatched the window, lifting it up and leaning outside at him. “What are you doing?” I questioned him in a shouted whisper. I didn’t want to wake everyone. They’d surely wonder why some strange man was in their yard throwing rocks at their house.

“Good morning,” he greeted me with an ear to ear grin.

The cool morning air brought goosebumps to my arms and I shivered. “It’s not morning yet, it’s like…five a.m.; what are you doing?”

“Well, I didn’t want to ring the bell and wake everyone, so I thought this might be my best approach.”

“Why are you here so early?”

He gave a little shrug. “I’m kidnapping you for the day. Get dressed and meet me down here.”

My brows rose despite the grin that formed over my lips. “I can’t just leave. Everyone will wonder where I went.”

“Then leave a note.”

“Where are we going this early? Nothing is open.”

“You’ll see, now c’mon, it’s cold out here.”

I hesitated, but only for a moment before relenting, “Okay, give me a few.”

His smile seemed to grow. “Great, I’ll be in my car. It’s out front.”

I nodded and watched him jog back towards the front yard then withdrew back inside and closed the window. I secured the latch then rubbed my arms and glanced around the room. It was way too early to be going out somewhere, but curiosity was getting the better of me and I was rather interested in where exactly he was going to take me. I didn’t have time to dwell on trying to figure it out. I had to get ready and sneak out of the house without waking anyone.

I couldn’t forget to leave a note either and I just knew the minute I stepped foot back inside the house they’d be alive with questions on why I had left them and where I had gone and who was I with. That almost made me change my mind, but I knew I couldn’t disappoint Alex. I just hoped no one was upset that I wasn’t going to be home. The visitations didn’t start until tomorrow and the funeral was Wednesday and I would definitely be there for those. What were a few hours anyway? If they needed something there were plenty of extra hands around. Besides, I was an adult and I could do what I pleased.

With that thought in mind, I gathered some jeans and a long sleeved tee. Despite it being spring, it was still chilly in Connecticut. Our warmest weather was definitely the summertime, but the north east was famous for being 20 degrees one day and 75 the next. So I grabbed a short sleeved shirt to wear underneath in case the day decided to warm up.

Fifteen minutes later, I was letting myself quietly out of the house and sneaking across the yard to where Alex was waiting. I had pulled my hair up into a simple ponytail and put on a light coat of makeup. My face was washed, teeth were brushed and I was thankful I had showered before bed. I’d also left a note for my parents and stuck it to the fridge, explaining that I was out with a friend and wasn’t sure when I’d be back, but I would return, wished them a good day and gave my love.

Alex leaned over the passenger seat and pushed the door open as I approached. I pulled it wider and slipped into the vehicle. “Okay, I’m here.”

“Hey,” he greeted me and allowed me to get settled before he leaned over and kissed my cheek.

I smiled and touched his jaw. “Hi.”

A grin tugged at his lips. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I breathed out softly, my fingers smoothing up over his cheek.

“You’re welcome,” he murmured just before brushing his lips softly over mine.

A soft little sigh escaped my mouth at that simple action and I wouldn’t have protested if he’d wanted to kiss me again.

Instead, he sat back and pulled his seatbelt across his chest. “You ready?”

I buckled my own belt. “Yes, where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He put the car in gear then pulled away from the curb.

We drove along in silence for a few moments, but it was comfortable and I didn’t feel the need to have to speak. Alex’s hand was resting between the two seats as he steered us along with his left one. His fingers drummed the console and I reached over, taking it into mine and stilling his hand. He sent me a warm smile and squeezed my hand before resting it on my leg, our fingers entwined.

It felt natural to ride along like that. Softly, I smoothed my thumb over the soft skin between his own thumb and index finger and when our hands shifted, I lazily traced over the tattoos on his knuckles.

He gave a throaty chuckle. “What are you doing?”

“Looking at your tattoos.”

“Do you like ‘em?”

My eyes lifted and met his gaze and I suddenly felt this admiration filling me. “I think they’re beautiful.”

A smile formed on his lips and his gaze traveled back and forth between me and the road ahead. “All of them?”

My mind went back over the various tattoos he sported on his hands, neck, arms and chest and I gave a nod. “Every single one.”

Instead of a response, he pulled my hand over and pressed my knuckles to his mouth in a warm kiss. Then he rested our hands chest level and watched out at the road ahead.

I rode the rest of the way with a smile on my face.

Soon we had arrived at our destination and I noted the signs welcoming us to Mansfield Hollow State Park. I wondered why he was bringing me to a state park at 5:30 in the morning, but didn’t question him until we had parked and were making our way along the path that directed us toward Mansfield Hollow Lake.

“Are we going swimming, cuz I didn’t bring my suit?”

He chuckled and gave my hand a squeeze, tugging me along with him. “Could be skinny dipping.”

“It’s way too cold for that.” I shivered some at the thought. “It’s way too cold for swimming, period.”

He laughed then shook his head. “We’re not going swimming.”

Despite the fact that the sun hadn’t risen into the sky yet, the path wasn’t completely dark. A few lights from around the park lit the way and Alex had been smart and found a flashlight somewhere. Curiosity was really getting the better of me on what exactly he had planned, but I kept my mouth shut. I knew he wanted it to be a surprise and I didn’t want to spoil anything for him.

Soon, we were coming upon a clearing at the edge of a small hill that overlooked the crisp, clear lake.

“Here we go.” He slowed to a stop and my brows lifted at the tan colored blanket that already flanked the ground.

“What…what’s going on?”

He flicked the flashlight off and small slivers of light began to appear from the sun that was slowly beginning to come up above the crest of the lake. “There’s something I want you to see.” He sank down onto the blanket and patted the spot next to him. “Have a seat.”

I lowered down next to him. “Whose blanket is this?”

“I got it from the hotel.”

“When did you come out here to set it up?”

He leaned back on his hands and stretched his legs out before him. “Before I came and got you.”

I tucked my legs under me and watched him with a piqued interest. “What are we doing out here?”

He nodded toward the horizon and my gaze followed.

I inhaled a breath as the first lights from the sun were staring to illuminate the sky with various hues of orange, yellow and pink. The way the colors reflected off the clouds and filled the entire sky, it looked like the heavens were ablaze. Never before had I seen anything so breathtaking, so glorious, so beautiful and it filled me with awe.

As the sun began climbing higher and appearing over the horizon, I reached for Alex’s hand, holding it firmly with mine and seeing tears blur my vision. The upper atmosphere was alive with brilliant colors that continued to streak through the air, the clouds appearing to glow. This warmth began to fill me and we watched in silence as the sun appeared to be born again for the new day.

A new dawn was here and the earth was greeting it with open arms. Colors upon colors spilled overhead; mixing, mingling, coming together to create the perfect sunrise. The air began to warm and, with tears on my face, I finally looked away and over to my companion. I knew exactly why he had brought me here. “Thank you,” I managed out in a strangled whisper.

Alex reached over and wiped my cheeks, his thumbs smoothing along the skin just under my eyes. “You’re welcome,” his tone matched my own.

I reached up and caught his wrist, bringing his hand to my mouth and pressing a slow kiss to his palm.

“No matter what happens,” he spoke quietly, “every single day the sun rises just as beautiful as the day before.”

I gave a slight nod, continuing to press my lips to his palm. My insides were trembling and more tears began spilling down over my cheeks. He had finally shown me what he had been trying to tell me all along; I was still alive. And I could overcome.

“You’re like that sun, Morgan.” His free hand smoothed along my upper arm. “No matter what happens in your life, you just have to continue to rise. Like that sunrise, you’re still beautiful and have so much yet to offer. Even when clouds overtake and hide the sun, you know it’s still there; rising and setting, beating down day after day. It never gives up,” his eyes searched mine, “and neither can you.”

I fell into his embrace at those words and cried into his chest. He was right, truly and completely. I couldn’t give up; I couldn’t just lie down and try to fade away. I was still here and I couldn’t stop the time from continuing on. No matter what tragedies plagued me or tried to pull me under, in the end I was still alive. There was so much of me left to give and just like the sun rose every day, shining strong even amidst the clouds, I knew I could too. It had been buried deep, deep down, but it was finally surfacing. Thanks to this wonderful man who had taken a chance on me. He hadn’t given up and neither could I.

~*~*~*~*~

“Ugh, I don’t think I can move a muscle,” I groaned as I lay stretched out on a picnic blanket staring overhead at the clear blue sky, not a cloud in sight.

“No room for dessert?”

I turned my head to see Alex stretched out next to me, an amused expression on his face.

With a chuckle, I shook my head. “Not for awhile at least.”

“I guess I shoulda warned you we had dessert before letting you stuff yourself.”

I reached over and lightly pinched his arm. “You should have.”

It was hours after our sunrise expedition and the two of us had just finished stuffing ourselves with ham and turkey hoagies piled high with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, pickles and onions. Not to mention, the coleslaw, potato salad, fresh fruit and potato chips. I had been starving when we’d set up the picnic, and now I was stuffed to the brim. I probably wouldn’t even want to eat dinner.

After we’d left the state park, he’d driven us to a diner where we’d dined over scrambled eggs and waffles. Then it was off to a stable and we finally had our horseback riding date. Alex had even packed a picnic lunch and that’s what we were doing now; relishing in the fact that we’d both stuffed our faces until we couldn’t move. Our horses were tied off to the side near a small stream we’d come across.

I felt a lot better. That morning had been like an expunging of everything I’d been going through and now it was like a clean start. I felt at peace inside finally. It had been a long and hard road and I was finally at the journey’s end. Now it was time for the next chapter of my life. One that I could go into without holding back.

“Mmm, I think I could nap,” my date murmured from beside me.

I giggled low and lightly pinched his arm again. “No falling asleep.”

“Why not?”

“Cuz I’m not sleepy and if you sleep I’ll be bored.”

He gave a low laugh then rolled onto his side to look at me. “Alright, I won’t nap.”

I matched his grin with one of my own. “Good.”

He watched me a moment before pushing himself up into a sitting position. “There is something I want to talk to you about though.”

I turned my head to the side to see him better. “What’s that?”

“C’mere.” He reached a hand out and gently pulled me up next to him.

I knew it had to be something relatively serious. “What’s going on?”

His eyes darted about nervously and it made a small piece of fear creep up into my tummy.

“Alex,” I reached out and touched his cheek, forcing our eyes to meet, “what is it?”

After a heavy sigh, he finally spoke, “You remember how I told you I was an artist?”

I gave a little nod, thinking back on the various conversations we’d had when we had been getting to know one another at the start of whatever kind of relationship this was.

He wet his bottom lip before continuing, “Well, I wasn’t exactly honest with you on what type of artist I was…”

My brows furrowed just slightly. “What kind are you?” A blink. “Do you do nude photography?”

“No.” He shook his head and chuckled low. “But um…I’m not that kind of an artist.”

I was just a bit confused, but stayed quiet and let him continue.

“I’m…a musician kind of artist.”

“Okay.” Was he trying to get at something here? What was wrong with being a musician? Was he ashamed or embarrassed and think I’d think less of him? I wouldn’t care if he was one of those guys that follows the horses in the parade and scoops their poo. It didn’t matter to me what Alex did for a living.

His soul moving eyes bore into mine and for a moment I thought I saw a flicker of fear.

“Alex,” I took his hand with mine, “what is it?”

“You ever heard of The Backstreet Boys?”

My head gave a nod as I tried to figure out what was going on here. “Yeah, I used to listen to them in high school. But…what do they have to do with you?”

He let out a puff of air. “I’m…one of them.”

I think my eyes grew to the size of saucers and I gaped at him. “You’re….famous?”

It was his turn to nod and he pulled my hand up to his chest, holding it securely. “Yeah…on the celebrity level I’m known as AJ.”

I just stared at him.

“But, I don’t want that to change anything. I just… I had to let you know before things went any further.” His hand stroked mine and he watched me with a look of desperation.

I shook the feeling of shock from my body. “I… understand.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes, of course.” My lips formed a small smile and I touched his cheek with my free hand. “We haven’t had a very regular kind of relationship and,” I could feel a small laugh bubbling up, “I don’t care what you career is. I mean, I care cuz you know, I want you to like what you’re doing…but you could be a pooper scooper and it wouldn’t matter to me.”

He chuckled. “A pooper scooper?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “you know, one of those people who follow the horses in the parades and cleans their poo all up.”

This time he laughed. “That’s disgusting.”

I giggled and shifted closer to him. “It is, but someone has to do it.”

“Definitely not me.” He pulled me into his lap, my back to his chest, and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. “And you really are okay with the fact that I’m a celebrity?”

I relished in his embrace. “It seems very fitting.”

“Whatcha mean?” The hairs on his cheek tickled my skin as he lowered his head next to mine.

I giggled low at the feel. “Well, everything about …us… has felt so surreal and …different. I guess it’s very fitting that you have some …different kind of job.”

“That’s an interesting way to look at it.”

I touched his cheek, melting just a little bit as our eyes met. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for not freaking out.” His lips formed a crooked grin.

My hand moved down and I traced his bottom lip with my finger. “How come you waited so long to tell me?”

Softly, he kissed my finger. “It just didn’t seem like the right time. And I didn’t want you to freak out and run off or…” he trailed off.

I placed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Or, you didn’t want me to end up becoming one of those chicks that tries to get into the limelight, right?”

His body seemed to relax at that and he nodded. “Right.” A pause. “Are you upset?”

“No, not at all.” I cupped his cheek, my thumb smoothing soft circles on his skin. “Sometimes, you just have to wait for when the moment is right to talk about something. No matter how badly you may want to or not want to.” I was referring to more than just him of course.

He nodded and I was certain he understood that completely. “Exactly.”

I smiled then leaned in and kissed his mouth softly.

He moved a hand to my cheek and pulled me closer, matching my kiss and taking it up a notch. Slowly at first, just letting his mouth gently nip at my lower lip, taking his time as if he was savoring and enjoying, then his tongue teased at my lip until my mouth parted and our tongues met.

The kiss quickly grew more heated. Somehow, he shifted us to face each other and my arms wrapped around his neck, his smoothing to my back. Around us the air grew warmer and I found myself falling into him. His kisses chased all thoughts from my mind and a hard shiver raced down my spine as he teased the roof of my mouth with the tip of his tongue.

I matched his passion with my own and when I heard the tiny groan in his throat, I swept my tongue into his mouth to taste him. He was sweet and spicy all at once and it flooded my senses, urging more from the kiss and him.

He responded and our tongues dueled together, his arms holding me securely against his body. I could feel his hard chest pressed against mine and wondered if he could feel the beating of my heart as it pounded against my ribcage.

Hands began roaming as mouth became more insistent, demanding more heat and fervor from the other. He pushed my shirt up some and the warmth of his hands on my bare skin nearly caused me to crumble. One hand snaked into his hair, fingers curling in the dark locks and as he tore his mouth from mine to place those hot kisses along my throat, I groaned his name with a hot need.

I could feel the shudder run through him at that and he lifted his head, his chest heaving against mine.

When he spoke, his voice was low and throaty, “There’s…still…one more thing we need to do today…”

I forced my eyes open, trying to focus on his face and bring my brain under control so I could comprehend what he was saying.

He chuckled low at my expression and kissed my lips lightly. “Then after, we can continue this because this is something I very much wish to continue.”

I cleared my throat some and found my voice, “What’s that?”

Very gently, Alex shifted me off his lap and back onto the blanket. Then he slipped over to the picnic basket and lifted the lid. “You’ll find out soon enough, but first,” he pulled out two spoons and a little ice chest, “what do you say to having some dessert?”

The shady tree lined road of Memorial Drive was familiar to me. Too familiar. And the cemetery that sat at the end with wrought iron gates and bold black lettering almost made my stomach churn.

“What are we doing here?” I questioned Alex as he drove us under the arch labeled with Coventry Cemetery. This really was the last place I wanted to be today.

He kept his dark eyes on the path ahead of us. “When was the last time you were here?”

I fiddled with the seatbelt. “Two years ago.”

“Just his funeral? Or have you come after that?”

I felt a little guilty about my next words, “Just his funeral.”

His dark eyes met mine. “How come?”

I sighed and tugged on a strand of my hair. “Do we have to talk about this?”

“No,” he shook his head and slowed a bit more, moving around a car parked on the side of the path, “but you do have to tell me where his plot is.”

My brows lifted. “Why?”

“Cuz, that’s where we’re going.”

“What? Why?”

He slowed at an intersection. “Right or left?”

I sank back into the seat. “Right. Then another right and it’s just past the large stone that says Benson on it, under the willow tree.”

He followed the directions and soon we were parked at the edge of the path, Hugh’s grave across the way.

I stared out the front windshield then brought myself to meet Alex’s gaze. “Why did you bring us here?”

He reached over and pushed the release on my seatbelt. “This morning with the sunrise, you realized that you are really able to overcome and that you’ve got so much left to live for.”

I waited for him to continue, not speaking a word.

He pushed the belt from around me and sat back, releasing his own. “And now, it’s time for you to realize that you’ve got to say goodbye.” His hand shot out and caught my chin before I could look away or argue. “You’re not forgetting, you’re just saying goodbye. Letting go isn’t the end of the world, Morgan; it’s actually the beginning of a new life.”

I felt a lump form in my throat and could only nod. I knew this day would one day eventually come. I had been dreading it, trying to push it away, trying to hide from it. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I took off to California. I didn’t want to say goodbye. But now I knew I needed to. It was time to let Hugh rest in peace and let me live in peace. It was time for me to let go off all the suffering, lost, helplessness and sorrow I’d been holding onto so strongly for the last couple years. It didn’t mean I was forgetting Hugh, I would never forget Hugh. And it didn’t mean that he would mean any less to me, it simply meant that I was finally accepting that there are just some things that no matter how badly you want them, they just cannot be.

“Hey,” Alex brushed away a stray tear, “Henry Beecher once said; ‘What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose.’.”

I blinked some. “Who is Henry Beecher?”

He chuckled. “A prominent figure from the 19th century. It’s a quote.”

“Oh.”

“It’s true though.”

I watched him and gave a nod. “Yes, it is.”

He chuckled again then leaned over me and opened my door. “Do you want me to go with you?”

I caught his shoulder before he could sit right again. “No.”

His face hovered just inches from mine. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” I nodded some then closed the space between us and kissed his mouth softly.

He grinned against my lips and kissed me back, keeping it soft and sweet, just nibbling gently at my mouth.

Finally, he sat back and gave my hand an encouraging squeeze. “I’ll be here.”

“Kay.” I pushed some stray hair from my face and finally slipped from the vehicle. Shutting the door, I adjusted the bottom of my shirt around my waist and crossed in front of the car, heading slowly onto the grass towards Hugh’s grave.

Inside, my heart was starting to beat a little faster and I could feel my palms growing damp. I rubbed them on my jeans then fiddled with the hem of my shirt, needing to keep them busy with something. The lump that had started in my throat in the car was now the size of a golf ball and I nearly turned and fled back to the safety of the car quite a few times. But my feet kept on and soon I was standing before his grave, the headstone still polished and a shiny black.

My teary eyes read over the words inscribed on the front and I slowly sank to my knees.

Hugh Gregory Weston
February 4th 1982-April 20th 2007
Cherished son, loving husband; forever in our hearts

I read the headstone over and over until the words blurred from the tears in my eyes. “Hugh…” I managed out in a small, shaken tone. Gingerly, I reached out and my fingers smoothed over the cool marble. “I’m… so sorry….I… should have come sooner, I should have come… a lot sooner.”

A soft wind blew through the trees and the leaves rustled.

“I just…. I didn’t know how to handle it. What….what to say…” Despite the tremors in my voice, it held up. I took a shaken breath and wiped my cheeks with the sleeves of my long sleeved shirt. “I still….I still don’t know what to say.”

The breeze tickled my face and I glanced around. Could there be some kind of supernatural force at work? After a moment, I frowned at that thought. There were no such things as ghosts, or spirits passing messages from beyond.

“But, I’m here now,” I continued. “And….I’ll be coming back when I’m in town. I…I’ll never forget you.” I touched the stone again and the breeze took that moment to blow stronger, sending goosebumps racing along the back of my neck.

I tried to push it out of my mind. “I’ve…met someone.” I could feel my stomach starting to churn and tried so hard to squelch the fear that wanted to grow. “His name is Alex…and he’s….” I searched for the right words, “he’s…so wonderful to me. He really likes me….and….” I almost felt guilty with the rest of the sentence, “I really like him too.”

Suddenly, the breeze stopped and a quietness filled the air around me. My eyes darted around. Okay, that was weird.

Trying to shrug it off, I smoothed my hands on my jean clad legs and took a shaky breath, letting it out slowly. “So…that means that I have to let you go…..I’ve…been holding on to you for far too long. And…” fresh tears began filling my eyes, but I didn’t wipe them away, “and I can’t do that anymore….you’re…. you’re gone and …I have to move on.”

The wind blew softly again, like it was caressing my face.

My eyes closed and I sat there quietly for a minute, listening to the leaves rustling and a bird in the distance. And in that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay. Hugh was letting me go and I was ready to let go.

Blinking my teary eyes open, I touched his name on the cool stone, allowing my fingers to trace the lettering. “This is goodbye,” I whispered. “Thank you for everything we had and shared. You’ll always have a place here,” I touched that spot over my heart, “forever.” And with that, I kissed my fingertips then pressed them to the headstone, holding them there and just letting the tears silently flow.

Finally, after they had dried from my cheeks, I made my way back to the car and slipped inside. Alex handed me a tissue and I wiped my eyes, cheeks and nose.

“You okay?” He questioned, not moving to start the vehicle quite yet.

I only nodded, already feeling like another weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I knew from somewhere up in the heavens, wherever Hugh was at, that he was smiling down at me.

Alex shifted and leaned over, placing a kiss to my temple before sitting back and reaching for his seatbelt. “You ready to go?”

I cleared my throat before responding, “Yeah.”

He hesitated. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I looked to him, watching him with a mixed look of admiration and gratefulness. “Yeah.” I reached out and took his hand, drawing it to my mouth and pressing a gentle kiss to it. “I’m really okay.”

“Good,” he sounded relieved then finally started the car and put it into drive. “So, where to now?”

I straightened my shirt then pulled my own seatbelt over my chest and snapped it into place. “Anywhere but home; I’m not ready to see them yet.” ‘Or leave you’, I thought to myself.

“Okay,” he stated once we were driving along the path and heading for the exit. He reached over and took my hand, resting it on his leg. “We’ll go find something else to do.”

That sounded wonderful to me. As I relaxed back in the seat and watched out the side window at the headstones we passed, I thought back on the past couple years of my life. Sometimes, you wake up to a day that affects your whole life. A day that changes the way you think about everything and everyone. A day that changes things and you know nothing will ever be the same. That happened to me on April 18th 2007 and it happened to me again today.

~*~*~*~*~

That something else ended up being relaxing in Alex’s suite at the hotel, lying on the sofa with my head in his lap and his fingers stroking through my hair. I stared up at the creamy white ceiling and wiggled my bare toes, my feet propped up on the arm at the other end. It was just past dinner time and we’d pulled through the drive-thru of a Wendy’s on the way to the hotel. I was full again, but not as stuffed as earlier. And now I was just relaxing and trying to not think about my family that was probably worried sick about me. Maybe I should call them. My mom had left several messages on my phone, which I’d managed to avoid listening to until after I finished my Frosty.

“What’s wrong?”

Alex’s question cut through my thoughts and I brought my eyes to his face. “Just thinking about if I should call my parents; they’re worried sick, I’m sure.”

He played with the ends of my hair. “You might should.”

“What would I tell them?”

His eyes twinkled at me. “That you met some sexy man who has swept you off your feet and taken you away to his hotel room.”

I laughed and nudged his arm. “Oh yeah, right.”

“You could do it just to see what they say.”

I giggled then slowly sat up, swinging my feet to the floor. “I need to tell them something.”

“What I suggested.” He reached out and poked my side.

I jerked and grabbed at his hand. “I can’t tell them that.”

He laughed then leaned forward and kissed my neck. “Tell them that you’re with your friend and will be home later. They have no reason to worry and you’re perfectly safe.”

I snatched up my phone from the coffee table there and rose to my feet. “I’ll try; we’ll see how well it goes.” Then flipping it open, I pressed my mother’s memory and listened to it ring.

She answered on the second ring, “Hello?”

“Hey, Mom,” I greeted her, glancing over to Alex.

“Morgan? Where are you, honey? I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”

I wet my bottom lip. “I’m with a friend, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t get your calls, we’ve just been busy.”

“Doing what? Who are you with? Your note was very vague. What time did you leave this morning? Your father was up at six and you were already gone.”

I chuckled low at her barrage of questions. “Just…doing things. I can’t stay at the house with everyone sitting around talking about Poppy all day, Mom. As much as I love you and I love him,” a tremor sounded in my voice, “but I just… I can’t do it.”

She sensed the tone of my voice. “Alright, that’s okay, honey. We were just worried about you.”

I rubbed my forehead and sank back down onto the couch, my shoulders sagging some as Alex reached over and smoothed his hand over my back. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s okay, baby. You’re an adult and you don’t have to answer to us.”

“I know, but I don’t want to worry you. I’m okay though.”

“Alright, Morgan.” I wasn’t sure if she really believed me.

I gave a nod and peeked to the phone. “I’ll be home later.”

“Tomorrow is Poppy’s visitation. It starts at six, but they want us at the funeral home by five.”

“I’ll be there, Mom. I’ll be home long before that. Tonight even.” My tone softened, “No worries, okay?”

She sighed through the phone. “Okay, baby. Just, be careful. I love you.”

I smiled. “I love you too. Bye.” Lowering the phone, I flipped it shut and looked to Alex.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad.”

“Not at all.” I shook my head and sank back fully into the back of the couch, stretching my legs out in front of me. “She’s dying to know who I’m with though and what we’re doing.”

He chuckled and slipped my phone from my hands, placing it back on the coffee table. “When do you want me to meet them?”

I met his gaze, feeling chills going through me at the way those eyes looked at me. “Um…when do you want to meet them?”

“Whenever you want me to.”

I studied him, just taking in everything I could; his eyes, the shape of his lips, his long lashes, the scar on his ear, how his brows moved slightly from his facial expressions.

“What?”

I smiled softly and reached a hand to his face, smoothing my fingers over his cheek. “The moment I met you, I stopped existing and started living.”

A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth and his hand reached up and caught mine. “The moment I met you, I knew you were exactly what I needed.”

“Really?” My eyes searched his face, a strange sensation entering my chest.

He gave a little nod and brushed some hair from my forehead. “Really. You were a mess; in tears with your hair all askew, but I knew in that instant that…you were everything I would ever need.”

The strange sensation inside my chest grew even more. “I….I was so lost and alone…and afraid. And you,” tears began to fill my eyes as I remembered that day, “didn’t give up on me. You….brought me back from the edge… you gave me direction and meaning again.”

His thumb wiped the tears from under my eyes. “I just pointed you in the right direction.”

I shook my head, feeling that sensation starting to squeeze my chest and cause more tears to spring to my eyes. “You…were everything I didn’t know I needed.”

“But you know now, right?”

I nodded and grabbed his hand, kissing his palm then his wrist. Inside, the pressure was filling my lungs and I knew I probably needed to say something, but at the moment I could hardly breathe.

“What are you thinking?” Alex questioned softly.

I watched him, that pressure spilling into the rest of my body and the strange feeling making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight. Suddenly, I knew what it was. I was in love with this man. That thought brought me crashing back to reality and I reared back from him, a look of fear crossing my eyes.

“Whoa, what’s wrong?” He held my hand firmly, not letting me escape. “Morgan?”

“I… I need to go,” the words stammered out and I tried to rise from the couch, but Alex still held my hand.

“What’s going on?” He tugged me back to a sitting position. “You’re suddenly freaking out. What happened?”

I just shook my head, having the strongest need to suddenly be out of that room and away from him.

“Morgan!” He grabbed my shoulders and forced our eyes to meet, a firm expression on his face. “What are you running from? Something you don’t want or something you’re afraid to want?”

I shrunk under his harsh gaze, biting my bottom lip to hold back any tears that may want to escape.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Alex continued when I didn’t give a verbal response, “because I’m thinking it too.”

That made my blood freeze and I gaped at him. “Wh…you…” the words were caught in my throat.

“Yes.” He nodded firmly. “Morgan, I-”

“Don’t say it!”

He blinked at the words that spilled from my lips, but didn’t let it faze him. “Yes.”

“No,” I shook my head, “you can’t.”

Alex lifted one brow as he watched me. “Why not, you do.”

“No.” I tried to rise again, but he pulled me back down.

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

And then he was cutting off my next words with a kiss; one so hot that it scorched my blood and stole my breath away. It was demanding, but not forceful, and as his tongue invaded my mouth and claimed it for his own; I was pulled under and lost in all that was Alex. He made my head spin and I quickly lost all thoughts with our conversation. All that filled me was the need for more, the want for more and the desire for more.

My hands began to roam over his back and up into his hair and he pulled me closer, pressing our chests together. I could feel his hard chest and stomach against my own and it made my insides tremble. The growing need was getting stronger and I began to kiss him back with just as much want as he was giving me.

One of his hands held the back of my head firmly to keep our mouths together, the other began to smooth over my side, his thumb brushing the side of my breast. When I arched more against him, he took that opportunity to shift us and lay me back against the sofa, moving over me, our mouths never breaking contact.

My fingers curled into his shirt and inside my chest, my heart was beginning to beat so loud and hard I thought it was going to come right out my mouth. But I didn’t care about any of that, I only wanted more of what he was offering. And whatever he gave, I took.

And then as quickly as it started, it ended. Alex tore his mouth from mine, his chest giving ragged heaves against my own.

A throaty whimper sounded from me as he broke the kiss and I shivered, feeling my lips puffy and face flushed. I kept my eyes closed, trying to keep my mind from clearing and my thoughts from organizing.

“Let me make love to you.”

His words cut through me like a knife to butter and my eyes fluttered open, meeting his gaze. Chills shot down my spine and I could only squeak out a response, not even sure what I was saying.

“Is that a yes?” He placed a soft trail of kisses along my neck, his teeth nipping ever so lightly.

I found myself nodding my head and murmuring out the response he oh so badly wanted to hear, “Yes.”

And then he was lifting off me, taking my hands and helping me stand from the couch.

Inside, I felt like a ball of nerves. It had been years since I’d been with a man and Hugh had been the only man at that. Thoughts of not being good enough, or not doing the right thing or him hating it filled me and I nearly stopped walking.

But Alex urged me on, kissing my knuckles and letting those intense eyes of his bore right into me. “It’s going to be okay.”

For some reason, his words calmed me and I allowed him to guide me toward the bedroom. Once there, he pushed the door open then kissed my mouth softly. “You trust me, right?”

I could only nod, not able to find words at the moment.

“Good.” He offered up a comforting smile and touched my cheek. “Then just trust me, okay, baby?”

“Okay,” I whispered out and watched as he kissed my fingers then led me inside the bedroom, the door closing securely behind us.