The sun begins to set over the California horizon; the sky was a vibrant baby blue, but now it's stricken with strands of teal, orange and purple. It was like a painting, and I wish I took a few photos of it.

I sit in my car, listening to the radio; hearing Seal's “Kiss from a Rose” ring throughout the corridors always made me feel good. I sing along with him as I started the car, making my way towards home.

I look over at the sands of Sunstar Beach and instantly enjoyed the sights; the evening sky simply made the sands attractive with its tertiary glow.

Why should I worry about not having someone to hold, to caress, when the beige sands are there for me to wander in? I guess, in a way, life isn't so bad when I have these things, and when I think about it, I'm not really alone.

Summer had finally arrived, my favorite season of all. To enjoy it fully, I let all of my windows down as I drive past the beach and intake the sweet smell of the warm air and the ocean. It was invigorating. The sky's colors start to fade, and it saddens me a little, quickly perked up that I'll get to see it again tomorrow night.

Something tells me to stop the car and bury my feet into the sands. So I decided to do so. I park my car by a blue and orange flagpole and got out the car.

My sandals were thrown to the back of the car, as was my cap. The shore was calm; there were no waves, so I was able to lie in it, having nature take me away to bliss.

I lie on my back, and close my eyes, feeling the warm wind waft through my hair and slip into my skin. “Oh...this is heavenly…”

I say to no one at all; I was so engulfed by nature, I made sand angels. They didn't last, for the wind's current washed through the sands causing each angel I made to disappear.

I lay on the sand motionless for a moment just wanting to hear the water clash upon nearby rocks and such.

Everything's upside down now; the faint moonlight cascading down the warm ocean floor as the soft, subtle waves clash against the rocks and a man lying against it.

Wait. What?

I quickly sit up and get a closer look at what I thought I saw, and sure enough, it was somebody washed up onto shore. ”Oh, my God...” I mutter to myself, and I run to the person's aide.

Before the ocean enveloped him again in its watery embrace, I grabbed him by the legs and pull him back onto the sands.

As he lies there motionless, I straddle his legs, and try to pump life back into him. I get a closer look at him; lifeless he seemed, but I was stricken with enthusiasm to wake him up.

I lean down, and press my lips on his, performing amateur CPR. Compressing his chest and continuously breathing life back into him wasn't working at all, but I was still determined to do everything I can. Everything was happening so fast at the point, but I didn't care.

He gasps for air sharply, and he coughed heavily...he was alive. I got off of him and landed on my knees, looking him over again. He sat up fast and turned to me with a weak smile written on his face. “You saved me...thank you so much,” he said while still trying to clear his air passages.

“It was the least I can do...” “I thought...I thought I was a goner. The last thing I remember was swimming around in the water, and I ended up here....I can't remember much else...” he held his head, shaking it lightly trying to jar his memory back in place.

“Come to think of it...” I crawled back to him, “What?” “I don't remember much of anything...I...” he clenched his strands of dark brown into his pruny hands and growled lightly. I crawl faster towards him and hold the sides of his arms. “God, I have a headache…”

“Did...you lose your memory...?” he looks onto me with his emerald colored eyes, clouded with confusion. “Yes....I don't remember anything...I don't even know who I am...” I turn his face to mine, and flash him a promising smile.

“Maybe I can help retrieve your memory, if you'll let me, that is.” He nodded in affirmation, and then touched my leg.

For some reason, my body was on fire when he touched me. “I want you to...because you saved my ass out there...please help me…” he then, out of desperation, pulled me close and held me tight as if I was to leave him where he sat.

Never.

The outside world was pitch black for the moon decided to hide for the evening. That wasn’t important at the moment; the most important thing right now is getting this stranger to my house, and help him anyway I can.

An hour after I saved his life, I drove him to my place. I felt him turn to me, and say, “Thanks again,” then looks out the window. “Don’t mention it…” He looked over at me with pure intent in his eyes; they were absolutely lovely, and I could stare at them all day if I could...but I’m driving at the moment, and I don’t feel like crashing through a tree.

“I’m sorry, but I have to. You saved me out there, and I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t there. I don’t know if I can stop saying thank you for doing such a brave thing.”

I look down at the upholstered floor smiling. “Did I embarrass you?” he asks while still looking out the window, probably trying to remember his life. “No, you didn’t. It’s just that no one thanked me for anything while doing something for them. Isn’t that crazy?” “Yes. They’re called selfish people, and they always ask for everything, but give you nothing in return.”

I nod in agreement, and make a left turn to Weldon St.: home. The mystery man looked up at my apartment complex and whistled lightly. “Nice digs…” As I get out the car, I look over at him: he had on a black long sleeved turtleneck sweater which clung onto him from the ocean. His black dungarees were also drenched, and reeking of sea salt, and sandals which were torn by the oceans’ angry tides.

His hair was half dry, half wet and it hung over his broad shoulders. I see his jaws tightening for some reason; I guess to stiffen his intricate jaw line, which looked to be chiseled to perfection. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” I say to him as he stands in front of me. “Lead the way,” he says in a lowly tone, barely audible. We both entered the lobby and I closed the double doors.

In awe, he looked around the Malian Terrace; it didn’t take long for him to be impressed by it. “It’s beautiful!” he exclaims; his eyes widened, “I wish I could afford to chill out here.”

I look at him with a lop sided smile. “I’m lucky to even RENT a place like this…I’ll show you to my floor.” He and I walked around to find the elevator that goes to the even floors of the building. For some reason, I felt eyes watching our every move. Why, I do not know.

I heard people speaking in hushed tones and others lightly gasped. What were they looking at? Maybe they’re ‘shocked’ at me bringing up a man to my quarters? The majority of the people here know me, and I guess it’s weird (to them) that I’m picking up random guys. I’ve never done that.

We step into an elevator, and he’s once again enamored with what he sees: Greek patterns of gold laced all about the walls, dark red carpeting, and a chandelier above our heads. The last little tidbit that set the area off was the heavenly sound of Enya playing in the background. I guess for this place, Muzak elevator music was highly overrated.

I felt his eyes burn a hole in the side of my face, so in response to that, I looked at him back. “What is it?” I ask nonchalantly. “Nothing…” he said softly. I cocked my eyebrow up in either confusion or intrigue.

I couldn’t remember which. From the looks of this man, he seemed to be, oh I don’t know, shy? Sensitive? In angst by his dark appearance? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but oh well; I didn’t let it bother me for the time being.

We entered my apartment on the 6th floor with no problem, though he felt a little sick from the elevator. I set my bag down on the table as well as tossed my keys next to it. “Make yourself at home---“I say after taking my sandals off, and walking back towards…no one. “Sir?” I shout out to the air, I wish I knew his name; I don’t want to sound like a maid.

From the kitchen, I hear, “Where’s your bathroom?” I follow the voice, and lean against the counter the moment I entered the room. “It’s down the hall, to your far left. If you’re going to take a shower, fresh towels are in the linen closet next to the bathroom. Try not to get lost,” I smugly say. “I’ll try not to,” he said with a light chuckle.

I liked that, it sounded cute like a child, but attractive for a person who hints hilarity. He went in, and I hear the shower go off…then a soft, gentle voice alluding from the corridors of the bathroom and down the empty halls. The words, so blissful sounding and tranquil, rang through my virgin ears, for I’ve never heard such a sweet sound.

It’s not that I can’t live without you; it’s just that I don’t even want to try. Every night I dream about you, ever since the day we said goodbye.

I approached the white door of the bathroom, and pressed my palms and ear against it.

If I wasn’t such a fool, right now, I’d be holding you. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do, baby if I only knew…

The words to say, the road to take, to find a way back to your heart. What can I do, to get to you? And find a way back to your heart?

It was amazing. The tone of his vocals was clear and pristine, even down to the landing points his voice fluttered calmly.

I pressed my back against the door and sighed in an impressed tone. He should be signed right on the spot if he wanted a life like that. I can’t imagine living such a life with cameras and paparazzi everywhere you go, and moochers as your new ‘best friends’. It’s a scary business, I can tell you that.

The shower stopped running, and I backed away from the door after hearing the doorknob jiggle. Playing it cool, I was in the kitchen fumbling with a half a sandwich I didn’t want. I wasn’t hungry for food; I was hungry for his voice.

“Thanks a lot, I needed that.” “You’re very welco--“I looked up at him and saw him in nothing but a red/black striped towel. His wet hair stuck to the sides of his face, neck and shoulders; he moved some away from his face. He was breathing in and out, possibly from the hot steam of the shower he took. All of this was getting to me all at once, but I contained myself (which was very hard to do).

The recessed blue and white lights were thrust upon his taut chest, causing it to glisten either by intention or on purpose; I quickly looked away. “Do you um…have any clothes for me? Or a robe perchance?” he said while smoothing his hair back, causing piddles of water crash on my checkered tiles. “Yes, I do…” I told him while getting up to trek towards the linen closet.

I pull out a black t-shirt and blue boxers and walked over to him, placing them on the table. “I hope they’ll fit you.” He takes them and smiled at me warmly. “You’re too kind, Miss…?” I smack my forehead, hard. I stumbled and quickly grabbed onto the table for leverage.

“What an idiot I am…I never even told you my damn name; it’s Nathalie. Do you remember your name?” “It’s Kevin. That’s the only thing I can remember. Everything else is still a blur.” I place my hand upon his moist shoulder, and say, “You’ll remember everything in due time, ok? Just…let your mind wander a little until you find something, or read something that’ll trigger your memory.”

He turns to me, full frontal, and holds the sides of my arms. “You will help me do this, right?” I nod and say, ‘of course.’ “But in the meantime, you hungry? There’s a piece of sandwich that I didn’t want…” “I’ll take it!” he exclaimed, and in a flash, demolishes the miniscule sandwich.

“Was it good?” I say as I laughed. “Yummy,” was all he said. “Well, if you get hungry, you know where the kitchen is. Want me to show you to your room?” He said yes, and I led him down the hall towards the vacant room. I turn to him, and say goodnight, and he nods to me.

“I may not know you that well, but you’re the best. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Kevin.” I smile, and then feel for my bedroom door while still looking at him.

He smiled back at me, and walked into the room shutting the door.

“That man is something else,” I thought to myself. “He’s everything a woman could want…but…I’m not going to say anything else…”

Dawn broke throughout the horizon, and infiltrated my quarters. My eyes slowly opened, but closed them back quickly; the suns’ rays become painfully bright this time of year. I get up, approaching the window and close the blinds, but before doing that, I decided to look over the waters.

It’s so wonderful to have an abode that’s near the vast ocean floor and a grand view of my growing city. I shut the curtains and blinds and sat against the dresser, carrying my thoughts back to yesterday: the sand between my toes, the smooth, velvety air wafting through my skin; him.

All the while, I couldn’t get that mysterious stranger out of my head, and thanks to that man, I couldn’t sleep last night. I tossed, I turned, I took a drag from a single Virginia Slim. Nothing worked. I guess now, the fact that I actually saved a life, his life, shook me and finally sunk in.

“Where did he come from?” I ask myself. “Who is he? I never knew him from around here…”

My thoughts were ajar when I suddenly heard the door close from the bathroom, then the faint sound of the shower running. I set myself against my bedroom door, and waited, hopefully to once again hear his symphonic voice. All I heard was the shower going off; nothing more.

I sat on my patio chair looking up at the clear blue summer sky with a glass of orange pineapple juice in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I hear someone enter the kitchen and open the glass patio door.

I turn around and I’m met with the tall, dark figure wearing nothing but a dark blue robe and his hair in a sloppy pony tail. “Good morning,” he says to me while walking all the way into the patio. “May I join you?” I scoot over so he can sit next to me, and when he did so, something fused inside me…and I didn’t know what it was.

It’s true that within 24 hours, I took a liking to him, but at the same time, I don’t see myself getting involved with him, for I know not of his whereabouts, or who he really is.

It’s going to be hard to ask him a menagerie of questions, since he knows nothing of his past. That’s why I want to do my best in trying to help him restore his memories.

“So, you smoke?” I look down at my dwindling Virginia Slim, then back at his near sleepy face. “Yeah…It’s kind of a habit I can’t seem to break right now. I smoke when I’m stressed.”

He scoots over to me and looks me over again. “Are you stressed now…?” I look up into his vibrant green eyes (inadvertently) and say, “No…” he lightly nods and turns his attention back to the horizon.

“Have you ever seen such a beautiful sunrise…?” Secretly I look over at him and smile. “No, I haven’t, Kevin. No, I haven’t.”

“And he didn’t call? Nothing?” asked a panicked Southerner pacing the floor of a hotel room. “No, man. He was supposed to meet us at The Rave last night, and he never showed up. I wonder why that is…” stated a man wearing black and red tinged shades.

“Maybe he’s visiting Kristin.” “He would have called to tell us that, Alex; it’s not like him to just up and leave like that.” Alex nodded, and sat back down. “Should we call the police?” a short, Latin man asked his worrisome confidant.

The blonde man looked back at him, and shook his head with his eyes closed. “I don’t want the media in a damn frenzy; that’s the LAST thing we need. I think it’s best if we find him ourselves.” Another blonde man, much taller, walked into the room with his hands dipped in his pockets.

“Gee, that’s a great idea. Only one problem there: where do we start looking?” “I don’t know, ok? We just HAVE to start looking somewhere…ANYWHERE…” They all turned to each other, never for a second realized how worried Brian was. Never had they’ve seen him lose his cool; but right now, he’s nearing wits end.

They watch him carefully walking towards the balcony and rest his arms and chin upon the cold steel railing. His glowing, but now worried blue eyes sought the clear blue sky, but quite possibly the Man Upstairs, and sighs sadly.

“Kevin, where could you be? It’s not like you to just get up and leave without notice…” he hangs his arms over the balcony railing and rests his head sideways onto his shoulder.

I wish I knew where you were…”

“Hey Kevin, I’m gonna head out to the store for a couple of hours. I’m in DESPERATE need of food…” I give him a fake disappointed grin. As if he was a little child that committed a bad deed, he looked down at his folded hands.

“I’m sorry for ‘confiscating’ your ‘fridge, Nat. It’s just that I haven’t had any normal food in a while.”

I turn around after grabbing my keys and stare at him confused. “Normal food?” his head shot back up and smiled briefly and scratched his head. “I mean, I’ve been on a diet, and I decided to cheat with it.” “I see…” was the last thing I said before leaving out the door.

“That was weird…normal food? What did he use to eat, caviar on intricately cut crackers imported from Italy?”

To myself I was, as usual, overreacting about what he said. Maybe he was on a diet? After all, I’m sure the last thing he was “snacking” on was kelp and saltwater last night and wanted to take a much more humane eating approach.

Sorry that my jokes are substandard, but I just can’t stop wondering where this handsome man came from…

Aw well, I said to myself as I got on the elevator to the 1st floor.

All was well so far as I turned the corner towards the Sunstar Hotel lobby. I was about to head towards the door, but was immediately stopped by a familiar voice.

“You are so damn lucky.”

“Nadine?” I slip my car keys back in my pocket and turn around to one of my closest friends. “How are you?”

“Me? I’m swell. You on the other hand, are on cloud nine at the moment. I know you are.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Nathalie, you know exactly what I’m talking about…better yet, who. That guy you brought up to your apartment last night. I saw you two with my watchful eye.”

Sometimes her eye was too damn watchful. She’s notorious for sticking her nose where it didn’t belong, and it drove me nuts every time.
“Kevin?”

“So…you do know who he is, huh? Like I said, Nat: you’re so damn lucky.”

I throw my backpack over my shoulder and looked over at her with my face yet again contorted to confusion.

“Nadine, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know that guy at all. All I know is that his name is Kevin, and he was out by the beach unconscious. He told me nothing of his past, because—“

“Because he wants to keep it a secret, and that he doesn’t want you blabbing to the paparazzi of his whereabouts. I’m sure he has to gain a fan’s trust.”

“…Are you on mushrooms?”

Nadine just shook her head and clicked her tongue at me.
“My God, girl, are you empty-headed or blind?”

I give her a blank look as a response. I wish she would just tell me what the hell she was talking about instead of dragging shit out like that old chick on “Murder, She Wrote.”

“I would appreciate that you didn’t call me names and just tell me what you’re hinting at!” I fire back at her in a sharp hushed tone; I didn’t want the whole lobby to know what my crazy friend is babbling about.
She walks up to me and places both of her hands upon my newly tensed shoulders.

“The man you have upstairs…is a celebrity.”

Now, I KNOW she’s insane. I knew I should have given her Ritalin for her birthday last month.

“You’re kidding. Right?”

“Nathalie, my dear, I never lie.” “But you eavesdrop.”

“That’s something completely different.”

I shake my head at her, not wanting to hear anymore of her nonsense. “I have to run a few errands.”

As I was about to reach for the door again, she barricades herself in front of it, preventing me to leave, and forcing me to listen to reason.

“Nathalie, you’ve got to believe me… The guy you have in your house is Kevin Richardson…he’s huge around these parts! I can’t believe you didn’t know that…”

“And I can’t believe that you’ve just lost whatever mind you have left, Nadine. Now, would you please move? I’ve got to go.” Reluctantly, she moved out of my way and set her arms down to her sides.

“Just do me one favor, Nathalie.” I turn back around once again to face her. “Name it,” I say to her impatiently.
“Tonight at 7:30, turn on ABC. That’s all I have to say.

“Right….whatever.”

And with that, I turn up my heels and walk out the door.

While getting into my car, and stop and think of what she told me. "What’s on at 7:30 on ABC? I don’t even watch TV that much. She’s probably trying to ignore the ‘celebrity’ that’s snacking on the couch and wants me to watch an episode of Desperate Housewives…I guess.”

As I drove towards the supermarket, my mind starts to contemplate on whether or not I should turn on the telly and see what she was talking about.

While humming a tune and holding a big bowl of Doritos, Kevin plopped down on the couch with his feet other the armrest. “Ahh…this is living. Nothing to worry about anymore, and best of all, it’s 100% a safe haven here.”

He grabs the remote off top of a pile of Glamour magazines and turned the TV on.

Suddenly, something flashes across the screen, a title card as it’s called. He drops the remote as well as the bowl of chips, shocked by what he saw.

“The Backstreet Boys Live from Orlando! Don’t Miss It!

Tonight at 8:30/7:30 Central on ABC.”

“Oh, shit…”

Meanwhile, at the Waldorf-Astoria, Brian wrote out a list of places that Kevin was likely to go. The other three men were sitting around, becoming more and more impatient. “Is there an eco-friendly store around here?”

Nick nods to him, “It’s called the Greenhouse Effect. It’s supposed to be a restaurant and a plant foods store.” “Perfect! He could be there…” Frantically, he writes down each ‘green’ place on a sheet of paper, and cuts it up in slithers.

“What are you doing now?” Howard asked with a raised eyebrow. “I’m dividing each place out, so each of us can look for him. It’s been 48 hours so far, and it’s driving me up the damn wall…” “Dude, don’t you think we know that? I’m sure when we find him, he’ll have an explanation as to why he didn’t bother to call us. Just give it time,” Nick stated and sat back on the couch.

“That’s easier said than done, Nick. Now, here are the places he might be. We’ll partner up to save time.” Brian walks up to each of his friends and handed them a piece of paper with two locations.

“AJ, Nick, you two go here. Howie and I will go to the Flower Garden and the Greenhouse Effect. Let’s not lose hope, ok?” They nod and get up to leave the room.

Alex walked up to Brian once again, and places a hand on his shoulder. “And you need to relax a little, man. I mean, Kevin’s a grown man; he’ll be fine…I know it.” “You’re right…I just can’t stop worrying…but I’ll try and stay calm…for all of us.” The man in shades gave him a friendly smile and hugged him tightly.

Darkness was slowly falling upon every nook, cranny and crevice of California.

Another day has gone by, and soon another will begin; but will it be full of new questions?

I finally make it home after being out for 3 hours. I hope he’s alright up there, I thought to myself while looking at my watch. The time was 6:53.

For some unknown reason, my heart skipped a beat as I saw each second pass; each agonizing second dispersed as I waited for whatever came on at 7:30. Not only was the time a new nuisance to me, but the chat my friend and I had was eating at me.

What If she WAS telling the truth? She seemed so disappointed when she found that I didn’t believe her. In fact, I never believed in the bullshit gossip she spews at me, it’s the same mess over and over again. But…does the gossip she gave me tell a different story?

I walk into the building and arrive at the lobby. I don’t know if I felt deceived, but I could have sworn that I was being looked at by the people I know, and strangers.

This has been going on since Kevin and I went up to my room. Maybe there was more to what Nadine told me…eh, whatever. The only thing I care about right now, is taking up my groceries and chow down.

I’m in the elevator going up to my floor; I see a couple of girls walk in after me. They see me quickly and turn around just the same to talk to each other.

“She just doesn’t know, does she?”

“How can she NOT see it?”

“Maybe she does see it, and she’s hoarding him for herself.”

“Yeah…what a shame, though.”

I decided to make myself known to them, but the second I attempted, they exited the elevator, and the door closed.

“Well, at least I don’t have to hear another word from them,” I said to myself, and walked out the elevator to my floor.

“I’m home!” I shout while struggling with two bags of groceries, and my keys dangling from my mouth. “A little help here? Kevin??” I sigh inwardly and take the bags to the kitchen, setting them on the gray marble counter.

“Kevin, are you in here?” I got no reply. “Maybe he went out for some fresh air…” I thought, so I headed towards the balcony.

Before leaving the living room, I see a note underneath a bowl of chips and lint. I pick it up and sit down reading it.

Nathalie,

If you read this, I’m at the Greenhouse Effect café. I figured I should have called to tell you that, but you probably don’t have a cell phone, and…I don’t know your number…

I was wondering if you would meet me there? It’s about 3 blocks away from here, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find. I saw it while you were driving me to your apartment, and it caught my eye. Maybe here, you can tell me more about what I need to know, if you found anything.

I’m at a window seat, so you can see me before you walk in.

See you there,

Kevin.

“Wow, 2 days, and already he’s asking me out…” Where did
THAT come from? It’s not a date, he just wanted to have green tea and raisin bread with me…I guess.

What harm could that do? I sit the note down and walk out the door. I didn’t need my car, since he did say it was a few blocks away; I made the trek towards the café.

Kevin sat at a window seat at the café. His hands folded, and his head down, he awaited for Nathalie’s arrival. He turned to his left to see his savior in black pumps walk past the store. She saw him and smiled then rushed in to meet with him.

“Hey, you..” he said to her with a smile. She nearly melted, but shook the feeling of fainting off.

“So, you ran off, huh?” I asked him and he chuckled. “You kind of scared me, Kevin…”

He reached his hand out to me, and I hesitantly placed mine down. “I’m sorry about that…I just needed to stretch my legs a little…I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all…” our hands were still intertwined without me realizing it. I looked down at our hands, and saw that he thumbed the top of it lightly. I drew my hand back and placed them on my lap.

Blushing, I look down at the green and white table, nipping at my upper lip. “Are you ok?” he asked me in a calm tone, his head leaning towards me.

Without looking up, I mutter, “I’m fine.” He sat back in his seat and sipped his white tea.

We sat there silent for at least twenty minutes. I look down at my watch, and see that it’s 7:45.

“Damnit…”

“Something bothering you?”

“What? Oh, no…I just realized there was something to TV that started about 15 minutes ago…it’s probably not that important; a friend of mine wanted me to check it out.”

“What was it?” he asked in an interested tone.

“You know what? She never told me…this is probably going to sound nuts.”

He leaned back and flashed me a lop-sided smile. “What would, Nat?”

I loved when he calls me by my nick name…

Not again…

I look back at him and say, “Well, that same friend stopped me on the way out earlier, telling me that…”

“What?”

“Well, she told me that…that you’re a celebrity. A Pop star no less. Isn’t that hilarious?”

I noticed that he cleared his throat a couple of times, and nervously chuckled. Then, he said coolly,

“Yeah. That’s nuts, alright. Why would she think that?”

“Well, she said that you’re Kevin Richardson from some boy band ‘Backstreet Boys’. I told her I didn’t want to hear another word of her jabbering, and I left.”

“Do you know what they look like?” “No. In fact, I’ve never heard of them.”

“Well, I can assure you that I’m not him,” he said and nibbled at his bottom lip. I nod in understanding and nibble at an oatmeal raisin cookie.

Something didn’t really sit well with me. Maybe it was the cookie I ate? Nah, it can’t be it. No, it’s how he reacted when I told him that he’s a supposed rock star.

He seemed…out of place when I told him: the nervous cough, the chuckle, the scratching of the top of his head. He’s done that before, but I never caught him on it verbally, but visually. I guess it’s just me overreacting as usual again; I brushed it off and continued to eat my food.

We still sat at the table, noiseless. I tilt my head to the side and yawn a little; this caused him to look at me, so I had to say something. “So, um…what else do you want to talk about, Kevin?”

I look back up and see that he’s in deep thought. While he had his green eyes closed, I couldn’t help but look him over again…there he sat, wearing a black Rolling Stones ’79 World Tour shirt and khaki shorts. They were actually my ex-boyfriend’s clothes; he didn’t bother to take them with him since he, well, abandoned me 3 years ago.

Marsh never looked good with that outfit, but Kevin sure as hell did. His eyes were still hidden from the world, and I continue to, dare I say it, admire him. He looked so calm and just…perfect in a way. For some reason, when he touched my hand, my insides were set ablaze, and there was nothing else I can think of that could put the fire out.

I tried not to let those new feelings become me, but they have, and I’m scared. Sure, he’s a nice guy and he can give you a few laughs, but what if he’s like Marsh, ya know? I mean, what if we were together…

Oh, what’s the point? He probably doesn’t like me like that. Like I said before, I know nothing about him, and he knows nothing about me…

But we can simply start a conversation of getting to know one another better, right?

His eyes slowly open and look over at me. “You ready to go?” I get up and grab my keys, “Yeah…I’m getting pretty tired.” Kevin flashes another smile at me, which caused me to automatically do the same. “Sorry if I made you miss your show, Nathalie.” “No biggie. It probably wasn’t even important…”

“That was a close one…”

As we both headed out the door, he pushed it open to let me go first. “Ladies first…” I blush a crimson red again and walk out, “such a gentleman…” He giggled slightly and followed me out the door.

Howard and Brian arrived at the Greenhouse Effect, 20 miles away from the Waldorf-Astoria hotel. They scanned the outside tables and the sidewalks from their Escalade like hawks searching for their prey. Nothing; just an empty street.

“Damn! He’s not here…but Nick did give us a good hunch.”

Brian groans while running his face up and down his hands. He felt his friends’ hand rub his back. “It’ll be alright, Brian. I promise. Like AJ said, Kevin will turn up; it’s only a matter of time.”

Brian nods while his face was still hidden in his tired hands. “Everyone keeps saying that...but words won’t help this situation.”

Howard knew he was right, so he kept silent…

That is, until he saw Kevin and Nathalie walking down the other side of the street.

“Brian! Look!”

He looked up, “What are you screaming for?” he looked over at the direction Howard pointed at and gasped. “It’s Kevin…but where is he going?”

They were lost from their sights, for they turned the corner. “Follow them,” Brian ordered, and they discreetly followed them.

“So, you’re an avid volleyball player, huh?” he asked me surprisingly. “Yes, well, back in my high school days. Never got a trophy or anything. I wish I knew what you did back in high school.” “So did I…it sucks to not know what I accomplished.”

With each word he utters to her, his stomach ached, but his heart burned even more.

He started to fall for her, and in only two days time.

“There’s something I have to tell you…” she confronted while they stopped in the middle of her sidewalk. “What is it?” “I heard you singing the other day…you have such a lovely voice. If you really were a singer, I bet you’d knock ‘em dead with your sound; it’s harmonic.”

Nathalie noticed that he scratched his head again and looked down at the pavement. “Th…thank you, Nat…”

“Embarrassed?” “Wha? Oh, no…I just didn’t think you heard me in there…I don’t sound that good…” She shook her head in disagreement. “I don’t think so…you sound better than any other singer I’ve listened to. You have a gift.”

Kevin smiled in agreement of her argument and approached her. “Have I thanked you enough for what you’ve done for me?” “Yes…everyday.” Closer and closer he walked towards her and placed his hands upon her shoulders. “Thank you…Nathalie…”

My lips trembled and quaked, for I knew what was coming next…”You’re welcome, Kevin…” His hair fell forward first, than his face approached mine. My heart raced, my blood boiled, and my nerves shot as his lips inched closer to mine . . . . . . .

In the alleyway, a couple of trashcans rattled and crashed on the cement floor, scaring the hell out of the both of us, jarring us away from our gazes. While he looked back at what happened, I moved away from him, and run up the steps, pushing the door open.

“Natha—What the…?”

She was gone. The only thing he could do was sigh inwardly and follow her into the apartment.

“Great job, Howie…” Brian stated as he saw him move away from the trash pails, and reenter the car. “What was that all about, I wonder?” he asked while fastening his seatbelt. “I don’t know…but the others have got to know where he is; and someone else we all know and love.”

“And who would that be, Bri?”

“Kristin.”

It was the next day, and I still lay there in bed. My eyes were to the ceiling and my thoughts were towards him; a beginning ritual of sorts now.

When I first woke up, my mind shot to what happened last night immediately. He was about to kiss me…but I ran off like an imbecile. Why on earth did I do that?

Did I want him to deep down? Yes. Was I scared in the fact that he was going to press his lips against mine? Hell yes. I guess the deal with me is, we barely know one another, and it’ll be VERY difficult to fall in love with a stranger.

While I’m still in thinking mode, I hear my door being rapped upon by ones fist; Kevin’s fist.

“Nat…? Are you up? I need to talk to you.” I sat up and look over at the door. Should I open it and let him explain what the hell happened last night? Maybe I should, but now I’m not so sure. Great, now I’M the one dragging shit out of my mouth for no apparent reason.

“Nathalie?” I open the door and look up at him. Fresh from waking up (seeing that he didn’t change clothes; he just fell asleep on the couch last night without giving the king sized bed in the guest room a second thought), he stepped back, waiting for me to say something…anything.

“You’re right, Kevin…we do need to talk.” “May I come in?” Sighing inwardly, I step aside to let him in and close the door. “I’m…I’m sorry for what I did, or was about to do. It’s just…” “It’s just what, Kev?”

He sat down on a wooden blue chair, folded his hands between his legs and looked up at him with confusion misted in his eyes. “It’s just that I hate being alone…ya know?” “So do I…but I think…it was a bit fast.” He looked down at the ground; I could tell that he was feeling ashamed about what happened last night.

“Next time…I’ll only do it if you let me…” he then slowly raises his head up to meet my face. “What?” I say to him, before he got up to meet me in the middle of the room. “I said I’ll only kiss you if you want me to. Look, I know we just met…but—“I put my finger to his lips and shake my head.

“Don’t say it, Kevin…not yet. I can’t…do this right now.” He held the sides of my arms…gently squeezing them with his strong hands. “I’m sorry if I seemed too fast for your pace, Nat. Find it in your heart to forgive me?” I had to force myself to look up at him, because deep down, he was too gorgeous.

“I don’t see the reason for you to apologize, Kevin…it’s fine. I guess I’m not over--““Marsh?” I nod. “I mean, I’m over him, it’s just that I don’t want a repeat of what happened between me and him, ya know?” He smiles in agreement. “I know; and that’s the last thing you need right now, right?”

“Exactly…”

He lets my arms go, and I back up a little. “How about I make you dinner tonight? What are you in the mood for?” He stood there with his finger curled around his chin, and his eyes upward to the ceiling. “Hmm…how are you at making chili?” “Uh…not so good, I’m afraid.”

“Tell ya what: how about we go to the store and get the ingredients and I can help you out? I can remember how to make my mom’s homemade chili.” I smile at him and pat his arm, “At least some of your memory is coming back, which is great!”

“Yeah…great…”

He didn’t know how long he was going to keep it up. He didn’t want her to know of his past, but at the same time he didn’t want to lie to her.

He loved Nathalie too much to ruin any bond they’ve grown to have.

Brian and the other three men were still in a hotel room fresh from a press conference. Instantly noticeable that Kevin wasn’t present, Howie mentioned to the press that he had the flu, and was too weak to attend it. Hopefully that’ll ward off any suspicion by fans that this was the second conference that he missed.

Brian didn’t want anyone to be worried about him, but at the same time, wished that everyone would mind their own business…

“I mean, what should I tell them? ‘Oh, yeah, Kevin’s fine; he’s just out screwing off with some brunette hussy?’ The media would REALLY love us then. I can see the headline on the National Enquirer now: ‘Kevin Richardson: The Backstreet Boy Toy.’ This can NOT fall upon the media’s ears. No one outside the circle should know of what he’s become.”


“Yo, Brian, you ok?” he looked over at Nick who was drinking a diet Pepsi. “No, I’m not alright…” he got up, walked up towards the window and sighed. “I found Kevin.” Nick nearly dropped his drink when he heard the great news. “You found him? Really? That’s great!” “But where the hell is he, Rok?” Alex asked him while walking into the room.

“He’s…he’s with someone at the moment…another woman to put it blatantly.”

“…what do you mean, ‘another woman’, Frick?” Nick asked intrigued. “I saw Kevin and some woman talking near an alleyway…”

Alex scratched his head, “So, you what does that have to do with him not being here? I would be with another woman too, if I was him. His wife is such a nag.”

“And I agree with you, AJ, but what he’s doing is wrong, and he knows that!” “Then why don’t we go to this chick’s house and tell him that to his face?” “Because the place she’s in was an apartment complex, so we don’t know which room she’s in,” Howie stated and sat back down on the couch.

Nick looks back up at Brian, seeing that he’s pacing the floor with his hands in his pockets. “Does Kristin know?” “I haven’t told her yet. I don’t think it’s my place to.” “You’re right,” said Howie while grabbing his coat.

Brian stopped in his tracks.

“Where are you going?” “I’m not going to stand here and watch a marriage fall apart. I’m going to that complex and confront him.” “Howie, we’re not going yet, and neither should you. We’re going to wait it out,” the worried southerner stated as he sat back down on the bed.

Howie, feeling defeated, sets his coat back on the chair’s armrest and leans against the wall with his head tilted upward.

“How long, Brian? How long do we have to wait?”

“Just one more night. Maybe then he’ll realize what he’s doing, come back to us, and spill.”

If only they knew Kevin’s plan.

Meanwhile, as the others waited in the wings to confront their friend, Kevin and Nathalie prepared dinner for two. “Open up,” he told her as he held a wooden spoon full of chili. “It smells magnificent!” she exclaimed as she readied herself to taste it.

“Mmm…and it tastes even better, Kevin…” he smiled down at her and chuckled a little, “You’re welcome; I take it that you haven’t had chili before?” “It’s not that; it’s just that I’ve never had chili THIS good…” “It’s better homemade than fresh from a can,” he told me and I couldn’t help but believe him.

Truthfully, he’s everything a woman could want: he has a sense of humor, he’s kind, affectionate, handsome, and a great cook. I’m trying hard to not to fall for this man, but as every second passes, it gets harder and harder to do.

And plus, now that I know he feels the same way that I do (I guess, I’m not really sure if he just wants to lay with me, and nothing more), I’m not ready to open up.

After my awful breakup with Marsh, things got really complicated: I built up a wall, a strong reinforcement that I don’t want anyone to break into…

Just yet.

We both sat down with a bowl of chili, salad and oyster crackers. As I take my first bite, I close my eyes and savor each spicy morsel. “This is just fantastic, Kevin…you said your mom made this?”

He places a linen handkerchief upon his lap and turned to me, “Yes, it’s just the best; I can’t eat that dish any other way but by her hands.” “But you’re eating it, and she’s not here…”

I tell him smugly. “It’s her recipe, Nat…guess I should have put it in better wording,” he tells me and starts to eat.

Again, I look over at him and smile. He caught me staring and flashes me his simple, warm smile as a reply. God, I loved that smile of his; so honest and truthful, and calmness written upon each lip. “You are a wonderful cook, Kevin…” “Thank you again, Nathalie…” I nod and shift my eyes back to my half empty bowl.

“You know what would set this food off right?” he says to me. “Now, what would that be?” he gets up and walks over to the liquor cabinet. “Vodka?” he shakes his head and sticks his tongue out. “That stuff is TOXIC…I meant this Dom Perignon just sitting there all by its lonesome.” “You drink?”

He walked back over to the table and leaned forward to me and said, “I only drink when I’m stressed out.” I smile at the quote from last week, and reply, “Are you stressed out now?” “Not anymore…”

He flashed another smile and stood upright. As he walked off to the cabinet, I say to myself: “You are something else…”

There we were, out on the balcony drinking cool glasses of aged champagne. “This is delicious; the best damn champagne I’ve ever drank,” I tell him, and he nods in affirmation. He looked up at the moonlit sky, and out to the distant universe; he sat the glass down and was lost within the sight of the lustrous moon.

“Is…is there something on your mind, Kev?” “Just…looking at the moon…how we can count on its angelic light during a dark night like this to lead us to the paths we choose…to lead us back to our true home…”

I sat my glass down as well and walk over to him. “Something is on your mind. Tell me, please…” I reach over and grab his hands. He turns to me and at once his eyes immaculately glisten in the moonlight.

I was star-struck, and I couldn’t say a word; all I could do was submit myself into his green-golden orbs.

“Kevin…” I inadvertently utter into the air. He clasps my hands into his tightly and pulls me closer. “Nathalie, there’s something I have to tell you…”

“I love you.”

Kevin blinked a few times before beginning to register what she just said. “…wha…what did you just say?” She took another deep breath and looks him into his eyes again.

“I said, I love you, Kevin…I tried so damn hard to hide my feelings for you…and as much as I’ve tried, I can’t. You’re…you’re everything that I could ever ask for…I can tell you about anything, and even though you hardly know me and that you try to relate to my problems, you understand me completely.”

She breaks her hands away from his and touches Kevin’s face softly; for that split second, his heart melted for her even more, but as he aforementioned, he couldn’t keep the charade going on forever.

Each time he spoke to her, another lie emits from between his lips: how he claims that he lost his memory, and that he was slowly gaining his memory back thanks to her positive energy.

He lashed at himself, hating himself that he kept on lying to her; and now she’s professing her love for him.

And he felt more and more like a creep with each loving word she professes.

“…remember when you said you’d have to get my permission to kiss me?” I looked down at the ground and back into her tear-filled eyes and smile. “Yes.”

“Well…permission granted.” I sigh inwardly again and bite my lower lip, leaning into her light mocha tinged face to kiss her, but she placed her hands on my chest stopping me. “Was there something you were going to tell me?” I said this to her delicately:

“It’s not important.”

My hands sought her waist and I began to envelop her into an embrace. But as I was about to, she pulled my face down and nipped my bottom lip before lightly clashing her smooth lips upon mine.

I was lost, swimming in an abyss of insecure blue as she kissed me; I felt...overpowered. I held her close to me and cradled her to and fro; I sung softly to her as she snuggled her head against my chest…

“It’s true; I mean it from the bottom of my heart

Oh, it’s true; without you, I would fall apart…”

But the true question that lies ahead is this: will she still love me after I tell her the truth?

Another day has gone by, and it’s been over a month since Kevin’s ‘disappearance’. The only people that knew where he was were his three best friends and his disappointed cousin. Brian sat in the den at his apartment not far from where his cousin in law was located and waited for her arrival.

His fingers lightly rapped upon the wooden armrest of the couch and he looked up at the clock; even the ticking made him edgy. Why? Because one only knows what Kristin was capable of once he tells her what’s going on. He didn’t tell her sooner, because he didn’t feel it was his place to tell her such things; that it was between a cheating husband, and a worrisome wife.

The front door opened and closed, and a soft holler soon followed. “Brian?” “In here.” Soon, he saw Kris walk into the den; when she saw his position and facial expression, she knew quickly that something wasn’t right.

“What’s going on, Brian?” With his hands folded between his legs and his eyes shifting up towards her, he finally breaks the ill-gotten silence that fell upon the room.

“It’s about Kevin.” Tears immediately fell from her stark brown eyes and onto the carpeted floor. She was frightened to ask of his whereabouts, but she wanted to know; no matter how good or bad the outcome. “We found him…he’s--““Oh, my God…no…”

Brian looked up at her and raises his eyebrow up. “What, you think he’s dead? I can assure you that he isn’t.” Kristin let out a sigh or relief as she places her hand upon her chest.

“Thank God for that…I swear I don’t need that mess right now.” “Huh.” “Now that I know he’s not dead, where the hell is he?” he stood up and walked up to her with his bottom lip pursed in-between his teeth. “Last I saw him he was at an apartment complex…nesting it up with some brunette woman.”

She felt frigid.

“…what? Ke….Kevin’s cheating on me? Why?” “I don’t know, ok? All I know is that me and Howie saw him and the other woman outside getting very close. The problem is we don’t know which room they’re in.” “You didn’t ask anybody inside?!” she screeched and he backed up a little.

“I didn’t want to cause a scene, or be seen. We also didn’t want the media finding out about this. It’s no one else’s business but ours.” “So…you didn’t call the police if he was truly missing? You are such an idiot!” “AND DO YOU WANT THE MEDIA UP YOUR ASS IF WE DID?!” she stood down as he finally blew up in front of his cousin’s arrogant wife.

“At least people would have known, Littrell…” “No. It’s so that YOU can find out, and hoard the attention for yourself! Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been such the media whore. I never liked you. I swallowed every negative thought I’ve had for you just to save face for Kevin…”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Woman, you know EXACTLY what I’m talkin’ about. You never really loved him; you’re only around to mooch off of him every chance you got. In fact, that’s the only reason you married him.”

She shook her head, desperately telling him that what he’s saying is not the truth. She loved Kevin…well, the idea of him; part of what Brian said was part true, that she was there for the money and fame.

She was nothing before she met him, and now she’s close to a something as she can get while being at his side. She didn’t want her ‘mooching’ side to come out whatsoever, but to have Brian see it in a blink of an eye was just phenomenal; he read his ‘cousin in law’ like a book.

“If you really love that man, stay here so you can confront him.” “Stay here? Why can’t we just go over there?” “Just listen to me; I know what I’m doing. You just…try to be interested in what he’s done; we all know that you don’t really care what he does.”

“That’s not true.” “Really now? Enlighten me, Willits.”

“I really do care for him…now. He showed me things no one else did, and that was outside the glitz and the glamour. He showed me Kevin Richardson, not Kevin the Backstreet Boy. And now that he’s with another…I don’t know what I’ll do without him.”

“Are you practicing for the Golden Globes?”

She clasped onto his collar, tears beginning to fall down her face again. “You don’t understand, Brian...I love him. I can’t live without him, ok? I know I’ve made mistakes in the past; I know I blew him off in front of my friends…but I’ve changed since then, I really have! And if you don’t believe me, then I can’t change how you feel either.”

Kristin lets him go and hangs her head down. She was sure that she could never get through to him, not right now. He’s too stubborn to listen to reason at times, but at this point, he was too stubborn to listen to her at all.

“Fine. You don’t have to believe me. I’ll…I’ll just go, alright?” I grabbed my purse and proceeded to leave his house. Feeling as if my sleeve was caught on a loose nail, I felt something tug at me. Brian’s hand was wrapped around my upper arm, and pulled me back to him.

“You had better not be lyin’ to me, Kris, or so help me God…” I shook my head profusely as he tightened his grip on my arm. “I swear, I’m not lying to you…just bring him back home.”

The warm, airy morning soon turned into a hot and humid afternoon; Kevin and Nathalie were at a nearby park. Laughing heartily, Nathalie cried out to him: “Higher, Kevin, higher!” he pushed her on the tire swing harder and she soared higher than anticipated. For the first time in her life, she felt majestic, wholesome, and free.

Nathalie never felt like this before; not even with Marshall Satoria. While she was with him, she never felt the security or the gentle warmth of him as they slept or when they were simply together. To her, she thought he loved her, but showed her in a much different aspect; she was wholeheartedly wrong.

Kevin stood back and looked at her as she was laughing and screaming in the air. “Enjoying it much?” he asks trying not to laugh. “Yes! I get all giddy when I’m on a swing…it was my favorite childhood pastime. I wish I knew yours.” “I wish I knew mine, too,” he said while pulling her back to him. She ran her hand lightly across his cheek and smiled, “I know you will someday, Kev, just you wait and see, ok?”

As giving her an answer, he spun the swing around so she’s facing him, and leaned in to kiss her gently on the lips. Nathalie turned beet red and looked away giggling like a school girl. “You are something else, you know that?” “You tell me that everyday, Nat…everyday…”

Alex and Howie were driving back toward the apartment complex. “So, Kev had a chickie on the side, huh?” “I wouldn’t call her a ‘chickie’; I would call her a home-wrecker. I mean, how could he? He had Kristin; I’m sure she’s enough for him!” Alex looked over at him and scoffs. “D, are you blind as well as stupid? Kris is a user. She only got with Kevin because of his status, you know that.” “You believe what you want; I think she’s a very comely woman.” “Yeah, right…” he thought to himself.

Deep down, he too never liked her from the beginning. He says that he can tell when a woman or anyone else wants to be with a certain person because of their monetary value as well as their status; it made him sick.

Being jarred out of his thoughts, Howie stated: “Look, all we have to do, is ask around for them, bring him back, and that’s that. I know that Kristin misses him dearly…” “Or his money.” “Alex, please! Would you stop thinking negatively and just look for Kevin and his whore?” Alex silences himself and looks out the window returning to his thoughts:“Wherever you are, man, you’re living a lucky streak. The ‘little lady’ of yours is a ball-buster, rest assured.”

“Wait a second…” he parked the car near a curb outside the street and looks ahead near the swings of the park. “There they are, AJ. Lady Luck’s on our side this day, isn’t she?” “Uh…if you say so.” Without hesitation, they both get out of the car and approach them.

“This is a wonderful day, isn’t it, Nathalie?” “I couldn’t agree more with you, Kevin…but it’s even better with you by my side. I love you.” I turn to her with a promising smile and brush her lips lightly with my thumb. Leaning in, I give her a soft kiss in telling her I love her as well.
At long last, I finally got what I wanted; peace, freedom, and above all; love. Everything seemed for the most part, perfect.

Until a few seconds ago.

“Yo, Kevin!” someone shouted from a distance. Kevin and Nat turned their heads towards the sound only to find two men approach them hurriedly. “Oh, fuck…” he said under his breath as they came closer to them.

“Dude, we’ve been looking all over for you! What are you doing?” Kevin got up and scratched his head while looking away at them. “Uh…hi…do I know you?” AJ and Howie looked at each other, then back at Kevin with mixed expressions of confusion. “What? Kevin, don’t play dumb! It’s D and Bone, man…” Nathalie stepped back a little and looked on at the three men talking. “What is going on?” she thought while crossing her arms.
She decided to step up and place her arms around his waist.

“Kevin? Who are these people? What’s going on?” he turned to me and weakly smiled. “Honey, I don’t know these people whatsoever.” He turned back to them; “Look, we’re trying to have a little picnic, so if you don’t mind…”

“We do mind.”

In a flash, the short Latin guy grabbed his arm and pulled him away from me; I didn’t know what the hell’s going on. Were they criminals? No, they haven’t any guns. Spies? I KNEW being with Kevin was too good to be true! He’s probably an International spy hell-bent in taking over the world. God, I really need to lay off the caffeine for a while. I saw them holding Kevin and carrying him away from me. I so desperately wanted to know what the hubbub was, so I quietly followed them.

“I want to make sure that she’s not of earshot. What is going on with you, Kevin? You go to a club for one night, and the next you disappear without a trace or a phone call? What gives?” “Look, I don’t have to answer to you two, ok? Just leave me alone…” Howie and AJ became even more confused.

“Why haven’t you kept in contact with us? We were worried sick, Kev.” He slipped his hands into his jean pockets and looked down at the pavement. “I just needed some time to think.” “About what?” “About what I want in life.” AJ stepped up to him and took his signature shades off.

“Dude, you have everything you ever wanted…I mean, come on! You’re a freakin’ Backstreet Boy for God’s sake! You’re internationally known, man! I mean, you got chicks swirling around you, wanting to do ANYTHING for you, but you chose a money hungry bimbo to call ‘wife’ everyday! You’ve got millions upon millions of dollars to do whatever you like with!”

“And that’s what I don’t want anymore, AJ! Don’t you get it? There’s more to me than just being famous. I just want to put up my microphone and move on with my life.” “Not while there’s a new tour to start in a few months! Kevin—““I made up my mind, ok? I’m done with show business…” after setting his foot down to them for the last time, Kevin turned away from his friends and leaves them standing there, pondering.

“What about Kristin?!” Howie shouted while he was no longer at their distance.

Kevin stopped and turned to look at them. Complete silence was his answer.

Nathalie sat on a bench, silent, shaking, shocked. She couldn’t believe what she just heard. The man that she fell head over heels in love with, the man that she believed was her soulmate, the man that she knew would make her life complete, was lying to her the entire time. She felt the idle tears stinging her eyes then inch their way down her cheeks.

“Ahh, good riddance to them,” he mumbled to him as he approached Nathalie. He stood over her and smiled…but his smile turned into a frown once he saw her look up with tears in her eyes. “…Nathalie?”

“You….you lied to me. You fucking LIED to me!” he stepped back a little, shocked that she’s filled with bleeding anger. “What are you talking about, Nat?”

“You lied to me, saying that you weren’t a celebrity, and you ARE! You’re not what you seem!” He felt a hard lump quivering in his throat. “Nathalie, calm dow—““DON’T tell me to calm down! I’m so pissed at you, I could just---AHH!!” he tried to calm her down with his soothing voice; he tried to hold the sides of her arms, but she pushed him away.

All this time, you were lying to my Goddamn face! You said you lost your memory and didn’t know what to do! How could you lead me on like that? Huh?!” “I was trying to tell you—“ “When were you going to tell me? When ‘Kristin’ started looking for you?! You have a wife, and you cheated on her! God, I’m such a fool!” “I don’t love her! I love you…only you…please believe that…”

“Never.” “What?” “I said I will NEVER believe a word you tell me ever again…I don’t want anything to do with you…I hate you.” “You…” he then felt his own wallowing tears settle upon his pale cheeks. The three words that he hoped to never hear from the one he truly loved, were uttered out of fits of rage. “You don’t mean that…”

“Yes, I do. I never want to see you again.” As he kept approaching her, she would step back more. “No…no more…NO MORE! Leave me alone!”

“Nathalie, listen to me!” he grabbed her arm as she turned away, but he was met with a hot, stinging slap across his face. Kevin’s head jerked the other way, letting the pain ooze into his breaking heart. But as soon as he brought his head back up, she was gone--like a flash.


“Nathalie!” he shouted into the air, but no other response resounded; only silence. He fell to his knees, grasping the cool grass and dirt into his hands.

“It…it’s over…it’s really over…”

It's been 5 months since me and Nathalie parted ways, though in my heart it feels like forever. I don't know what to do now; I tried calling her, but she blocked my number; I tried sending her letters, but I know she never reads them. What's the point in trying to get her to contact me? She wants nothing to do with me, and yet I'm desperate to talk to her...

I might as well give up; but my heart won't let me.

I lie awake and look up at the ceiling, my thoughts trailing back to that wonderful, enchanting woman. She completely changed my life in less than a year, and yet, I haven't been truthful with her from the start.

I can understand why she doesn't want to be around me anymore; she wants to be with someone that tells the truth in every word he utters. I don't deserve that woman, and at the same time, I don't deserve to be happy.

I hear soft footsteps clashing upon the carpeted floor then a knock on my bedroom door.

“Kevin? It's me...” It's Kristin; my 'wife'. I groan as I hear her needy voice calling out to me. I don't answer, for I have nothing to say to her or anyone else. My so-called friends cost me the one person that made me complete in a matter of days, and thanks to them, she doesn't even care if I'm alive or dead.

Again, I hear the door being lightly rapped and she calls me again. Defeated, I throw my body up and approach the door, opening it.
“What do you want?”

“I want to talk to you, baby...is that so wrong?”

“I don't feel like talking right now, ok? I need to be alone.”

She walks up to me, placing her thin hands upon my nude chest. “You've been alone for weeks...I can help you take your mind off that slut.” Her hands traveled downward, and while still looking up at me she grasps my belt-buckle. “I'll make you forget all about her...if you'll let me...”

I push her away and cause her to stumble back a little.

“Kevin, what the hell?!”

“Stay away from me, ok? I'm in no mood!”

I let out an aggravated sigh and throw my t-shirt on and turn around; she's blocking the door.

“Move.” “Why can't you leave her alone? I'm your wife...I'm supposed to be there to love and cherish you...” Not wanting to come near her, I say, “That's just it; I DON'T want you to love me...because I don't lo--” she puts up her hands to silence me; “Don't say it...don't you DARE say you don't love me! I've respected you throughout all the years we've been married, the least you can do is show me the same!”

“You cannot be serious! Respect? You don't SHIT about respect!! The only thing you 'respect' is spending my money! You fell in 'love' with my image...NOT ME!” “That's not true, and you know it!”

“Just...get away from me...” “I can't do that, Kevin.” She throws her arms down, sighing.

“There was a time where I only cared for your money and your fame...but I've grown up since then; you've got to believe me.”

I just look at her with sheer disgust. I don't ever want to believe a word she says to me, because they're all lies. I don't want to be in the same universe with that woman, let alone the same room breathing the same air. I turn away from her crossing my arms, my eyes darted to the floor.

“You don't believe me, do you?”
Without even looking at her, I say, “No. I don't. I want you to leave me alone, Kristin.” “I can't do that...I have to be there for yo--”

I turn around sharply, looking her up and down; I was fumed. “That's just it! I don't need you around me! God! Every waking hour, you're around me! I can't even BREATHE when you're around, and it drives me nuts! For once, can't you just let me get my own space?”

I see her stand before the door, softly crying. I didn't give a damn, seeing as though everything I spat at her was the truth, and she's just putting on a show at this time; I know she doesn't care about me. I don't exist to her; I'm merely a meal ticket. No more.

“I....I refuse to let you go...”

“Tell that to the judge.” She's stunned. “Wh...what?”

“You heard what I said. When I said I don't want you around me, I meant that, so tomorrow? You and I? We're going on a little outing.”

“...an outing—what are you talking abo--”

“We're going to the courthouse tomorrow, Kris. I want a divorce.”

Frantically, she shakes her head, her tears rapidly falling. “N—no...I won't do this...”

“I'm afraid you have no other choice.”

She threw herself at me, she got on her knees, and pleaded with me to change my mind. I was solid as a rock. I didn't want anything to do with that bitch anymore; being around her literally made me sick to my stomach.

I look down at her and watch her stand on her knees, her eyes red and her mascara runny and smudged.

“Why are you doing this, Kevin...?” “Because...I made a horrible mistake when I married you; now I'm switching gears.” As I step over her, I approach the door, but she grabs onto my pant leg. “Please, don't do this to me! I love you!”

I look down at her, disgusted by the sight, but intrigued, for she deserves an Oscar for this role. “My mind's made up; I want out of this marriage. If you're not at the courthouse tomorrow, the proceedings will go on without you.” “Kevin, you can't do that! It's a two party system!”

The last words I say to her before I leave her alone a crying mess was this: “As far as I'm concerned, this marriage is at an end. Goodbye.”

And that was it; I was to be finally free from her money-hungry grasp, and I was to move on from this dilemma of being married to her another day.

But there was still the situation in trying to win Nathalie back; a stipulation that eats at my heart and soul because she doesn't want anything to do with me. What was I to do? I can't stand the fact that she wants nothing to do with me, because I refuse to believe it.

Deep down, Nathalie loves me despite the lies I threw her. I know I have to do something to win the love of my life back; and I have to do it fast.

Howie spat out his tea when I told him the news. “You're going to what?!” Kevin looked up at his 'friend', and repeated, “I'm divorcing Kristin. Finally, I'll be doing something worth while; I should have seen it from the start.”

Brian walked over to his lovesick cousin and patted him on the shoulder. “I'm glad you're stepping up to the plate and giving this woman what she deserves; loneliness.” Everyone was happy for him; all but Howard.
“You cannot be serious, Richardson! Why are you divorcing such a wonderful woman?” AJ looks over at him as if he's lost his mind.

“Dorough, are you for real? Have you been living under a rock lately? Kris is a moocher! The only thing she 'loved' about him was the fact that he was LOADED, and he has celebrity status...she was a nobody before they met...why do you even care about that leech?”

“Because I know her, and Kevin's making a huge mistake.” “No, I'm not. And thanks to you, Howard, I lost the one thing that meant more to me than life itself.”
He stood there stunned; he was surprised that I blamed him for what happened that fateful day; he shouldn't be.

“I can't believe you're accusing me of breaking you and that harlot up. Besides, you're married, and you were about to cheat on her!”

I go over tohim and lean into his heated face. “You should be LUCKY that I'm still talking to you, Howard.” I felt Brian's eyes look over at him, then at me, then Howie again. You see, there are some things that even my own blood doesn't know about.

“Kristin Willits is no good; you of all people should know that.”

“Kevin...” I heard my cousin call out to me, then approach me. “What is going on?” I look at him, then back at Howard with a grin; I didn't where that came from. “Should you tell him, or should I?” he stood there, speechless. “You wouldn't dare.” “Oh, trust me, 'friend', I would. And I will.”

“You see, Brian, a few years back while I was still dating the 'love of my life', we went to Howie's birthday party at his club. We all had great laughs and a few drinks and Kristin was, as usual, mingling with the other party-goers. I didn't think anything of it at first until I noticeed she was spending way too much time with Howard on the dancefloor, as well as the VIP lounge.

“Anyway, it was getting around that time for us to go home, so I was asking people where Kris was. I was told she was at the parking lot waiting for me---” “Kevin, please...” I look at him and he instantly shuts up. “Like I was saying...I get to the parking lot, and guess who I see in the backseat of MY car?” “No way...” said a stunned Nick, covering his mouth. “Howie...you didn't...”

My 'friend' looked down at the carpeted floor in complete shame. “It's true. I had her in his car, but it wasn't my fault! She kept pressuring me!” “Please, Dorough, you ALWAYS wanted to fuck her, so don't lie!” AJ exclaimed.

“I thought I knew you, man...how could you sleep with another man's wife?” “It just happened, and it was just one night...” “Now, do you see WHY I need to distance myself from her? She's no good...”

Then, in the big hotel room, Brian broke the lingering silence. “But what about the other girl?”

I look over at him and sigh, “Thanks to Howie blowing my cover, she won't even talk to me. I swear, I was going to be up front with her and tell her the truth...but it's too late. She'll never forgive me.” “Yes, she will.” My cousin placed his hand on my shoulder and flashes me a promising smile.

“I know she will. All you have to do is go and talk to her...tell her why you did what you did.” Still looking away from him, I nip at my lower lip and say, “It won't work. She said she's dead to me...that she hates me...I.....I've never been hated by someone I love...”

They all stood there and watched Kevin slowly crumble in little tiny pieces; they had to do something, but what? The only thing they can do is be there for him and support him. He looks up at his friends, all but Howard, with his eyes misty and pink.

“Guys...? If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone right now...” “But, Train--” “Nick, if that's what he wants...” the tall blonde one surrendered and weakly smiled.

“Alright, man...we're here if you need us, ok?” he nods while lying back on black leather couch and his arms thrown behind his head.

His support system leaves the room, all but his betrayer. “You're making a BIG mistake, Kevin. If you divorce that woman, you'll NEVER forgive yourself.”

“Get. The Fuck. OUT!.” And he does, slamming the door hard, causing the room to violently shake.

He lies there, feeling thepain and the sense of loneliness teem throughout his body. His tears begin to fall without him realizing it, but he didn't care anymore.

He missed her; he wanted to feel her warm kisses against him again...he wants to be loved again.

“Nathalie, you’ve got to get out and go somewhere today; you can't be cooped up in this house forever,” said Nadine.

“It's been close to a year.” “I know it has, Dine, but...God, I shouldn't have been so hard on him.” “So, you didn't know he was a Backstreet Boy?” “No, I didn't...no one told me...everyone just stared at me whenever we walk through the lobby doors...”

Nadine took a sip of her champagne and looked over at her broken hearted friend.

“Did you let him explain?”

Nathalie looked down at the ground, and whispers, “no...” “Don't you think you should now? He has the right to.” She became furious. Nadine moved away slightly. “That DOESN'T excuse him from lying to me...why do men ALWAYS lie to me?”

“I wish I knew...but I know Kevin, hell, I followed their career since the beginning; he would have to have a great reason why he never told you about his past.”

I look over at her, smiling weakly in agreement; “You're right. He...he was the type of person that would never hurt me...but I kept my stupid barrier up...what is wrong with me?”

“You're afraid of being hurt.”

I turn to my friend, and nod slightly, giving her the signal that she was, on rare occasion, right. I was afraid of being hurt, but at the same time, I didn’t want to be alone. Everything happened so fast, I never even gave Kevin a chance to explain himself…

I guess I should have.

“Why don’t you give him a call and tell him what’s on your mind. What have you got to lose?”

The love of my life. But I already lost him.


“All rise! The Honorable Judge Maurice Reynolds presiding,” began the tall, burly bailiff. Seconds later, a man in a long black robe trimmed in blue walked into the courthouse and towards his desk. “You may be seated,” he says in a raspy, near British brogue.

His eyes wandered over to the jury, nodding for them to sit down and then at me and my soon to be ex wife. He looked intently at her more than I, and I hope he can read her like a book; I know I can.

As he sets himself down thumbing through the files, he looks back up, “Mr. Richardson, you are seeking an annulment from a Kristin Willits?” I stood up, feeling instantly confident and say, fluidly, “Yes.”

Three tables down, I hear her crying to her attorney, mumbling, “I can't believe this is happening...he can't do this to me...” Her lawyers were staring at me, their gazes fierce and full of disgust; I shut away their gazes and continue to speak to the judge.

“Your Honor, I cannot be with this 'woman' any longer...” I look over at her and try to mentally settle my turning stomach; as I look at her, I see that she's putting on a show. I'm tellin' ya, she's Golden Globe material if she wasn't a conniving bitch.

“This woman...has been a thorn on my side ever since we met...she even had the nerve to cheat on me...when I gave her my life and my love...now tell me, is this someone that deserves to be happy when they refuse to learn from their mistakes?”

The judge sat back, smoothing his chin with his thumb and forefinger in deep thought. “You are very determined to end this relationship, aren't you, Mr. Richardson...?” I nod to him, twisting my thumbring around. “And Mrs. Richardson, are you--” “NO!” she shouts throughout the room, her booming voice echoing about. “No, I don't want this divorce...”

Judge Reynolds owered his glasses at her, and flashes her a stern gaze. “I have not even finished my sentence; please stay quiet until then.”

“But, Your Honor, you can't let him divorce me...we have too much going for each other!” “You are such a Goddamn liar! I've done everything I can to make this 'marriage' work, and you've done NOTHING to back it up!” “YES I HAVE! I may not have been the perfect wife throughout this marriage, but I've changed my ways, because I love you!”

The sound of the gavel slamming against the small, wooden rest resonates throughout the courtroom, with the demanding sound of, “ORDER! ORDER!!” They become silent instantly and look over at the angered judge. “I can see why he wants out of this marriage; you do not listen to anyone, especially authority.” “Bu--” “Don't say another word, Mrs. Richardson...you've had your chance to speak, and you ruined it. “

The judge looked over at me again as I slowly calm down. “Young man...what do you truly want...?” “All I ask for Is fair justice, Your Honor. Why would I, or anyone else here in the court, want to stay with someone that can easily hurt you and would try to tarnish your image at the same time...? Who could put up with that? Whoever that can...I tip my hat to them... for they're just as strong as me.” Again, I look over at the heartless snake, then back at the judge.

“Please, sir...grant me this one request....set me free.”

Again, he sits back, his eyes closed and his mind stirring. My knees began to buckle and a lump gathers in my throat as I waited for his response.

He sets his gavel down on the table and leans forward to me. “How badly do you want to be, “set free”, Mr. Richardson?” I turn to her weepy stature and state without looking back, “Badly. I'd rather be in Hell than to be married to her.” His brows furrowed and his lips pucker slightly. Understanding me.

“Then, the court shall favor in approving the divorce; proceedings will commense in two months.” I heard her scream, but it was overshadowed by the slam of the gavel and a “Court is adjourned!” I let out a sigh of relief; the frustrations I feel is no longer, and I'm finally, shall I say it? I'm finally able to spread my wings again...

But what I've accomplished hasn't scratched the surface yet. I have to win back the one woman that meant everything, TRULY everything to me...by any means necessary.

Here I sit, in my den, alone. I stare at the phone for God knows how long, maybe an hour or so. Within that time, I tried to gather up the necessary courage to pick it up and call her.

I get up and pace the room over and over, my hands clenching against my hair in frustration and confusion.

“Damn, what is she gonna say? What if she really DOES want me out of her life?” I kept on pacing, my mind racing about with unanswered questions. I was beside myself yet again, not in the exact way when I first saw her, but just...completely baffled and ignorant.

I throw my arms up in disbelief of what my 'friend' did to me that day and it's something I will never be prepared to forgive him for. Great, now I'm off track again. Stay FOCUSED, Richardson! Think of what you're going to say to this woman...she's it, right? She's the one you're planning to spend your life with, ok? You can't worry over what the bastard did with your ex....

Again, I look over at the phone after I stop pacing; hoping it would ring...that would be impossible because she doesn't even know my number. Stupid.

I plop back down on the leather couch and sigh heavily, feeling myself getting upset. “Damn it, pull yourself together...” I keep telling myself, but it's not working; not one bit.

Just as I was about to let out a single tear, the doorbell rings; at first the sound didn't trigger my ear drum, but the second and third and fourth ring did. I pull myself off the couch and open the door to see a man in a blue suit; the bellhop.

“Mr. Richardson, a letter for you,” he says in a smooth, British butler type tone of voice. “A letter? From whom? A fan?” He shook his head and told me the envelope was unmarked with no return address or name; just mine in near indecipherable cursive. I take it from his hand and tipped him; he refused it, saying it was common courtesy in serving me;

I hate being treated like I'm royalty.

That's one of the main reasons why I didn't want to be who I portray to the fandom and critics alike anymore.

I sit down and look over at the envelope after the bell hop left and I wonder; “who could have sent this to me? And why?” The only way to answer those questions is to open the letter and find out. As I did so, I uncrinkle it and read its contents:

Kevin.

We really need to talk things over.

I should have let you explain, and in a fit of anger, I shut my ears to you.

Meet me at the Desidia Terrace balcony tonight; I trust you know where it is. Hope to see you then.

And that was it.

That little voice in the back of my head kept telling me, “It's Kristin; it's Kristin,” but I hope to God it isn't. But at the same time, she's willing to do anything to get me back; she said so after she was escorted out of the courtroom...

“GET THIS WOMAN OUT OF MY COURTROOM!” the judge shouted whilst slamming his gavel repeatedly. “No! You bastards! You can't do this to me!!” she shrieks at the judge, and to me, stupidly wanting her own justice.

Oh, she received her 'justice', alright; 200 hours community service and a permanent restraining order placed upon her, for because of her erratic behavior the judge feared she was dangerous to society. I watch as the guards restrained her and I watched her as she tried to get away, kicking and screaming.

Imagine that; all of this because I wanted a divorce. Sad.

“I'LL GET YOU BACK, RICHARDSON!! SO HELP ME GOD, I'LL GET YOU BACK!!” And she was whisked away.

I get a cold chill everytime I think back to that day; but I'm glad I got her out of my system.
But is she truly out for good?

I walk down an empty street towards the Terrace and look up to see someone with their back turned. “Kristin, what do you want now...?”

I thought as I approached the building, walking up the steps. It started to get colder as I make my way up the steel steps, clasping onto the cold banisters. The wind began to pick up and the steam from the rotating vents filled the air blocking my view as well as the womanly figure still with her back turned.

Breathing hard and holding onto the banister for support,
I spoke to the stranger; “Alright, Kristin...what's this about?”

She turned around and said, “Trust me, it's not who you think it is.”

“Nathalie...?”

She walks up to me, placing her leather gloved hands upon my pale face. “I'm sorry...for never letting you explain yourself. I was so fumed, and--” “Nat...it's fine...you shouldn't be the one apologizing...it's me. I'm theone who lied to you from the start. I'm the one that kept everything for you. I never knew you could be so wonderful...” I take her hands into mine and look into her misty blue green eyes. “Can you forgive a fool?”
Her eyes, those lustrous turquoise orbs glistened in the streetlights. A smile creeps up on her which made me flash my own in response. “Only if you'll tell me one thing.” “Anything...”

“Why did you break away from your life?”

“That wasn't my life, Nathalie. Being in the limelight, and signing autographs, and spending the past 17 years trying to make people happy; and for them to accept my 'image'...is NOT my life. It...it took me 5 months to realize that you're my life...” I held onto the sides of her arms, looking down at our shoes. “You are it for me. Not Kristin...not my other 'friends'...you.”

“All my life, I thought I was placed on this earth to please others, be used and get no kind of respect in return....” Nathalie looked down at the ground then at me, a single tear falling down her face. “So, what did you do?” “I....I can't tell you that--” “Kevin.” I heard her say in a stern voice, turning me around to face her. “You're opening up to me...don't draw back now. What did you do?”

I look her in the face, lashing out my soul with 'You can't tell her this, she'll hate you for sure' chants restraining it. But upon her request, I told her what really happened at the ocean that fateful day...

“I'll be right back, guys,” he told the gang after getting out of the recliner heading for the door. “Where are you going? We have a press conference in an hour,” Howard blatantly said to him, not wanting him to be late. “D, can't you trust me? I said I'll be back.” after he leaves the hotel room, Howie flutters his hand at the door, without looking up fron his book.

I walk down a lonely road, surrounded by my thoughts; nothing else. I have no grand childhood memories, no childhood friends; no childhood. All my life, I believed I was put on earth to be cheated on, to be hurt...to never feel love.

Through my walking, I find myself at a beach; the sun was setting, and I see the oceanic waves crashing against the jagged rocks ahead. I stand there, watching the beauteous sight for the very last time. I thought everything through; I WAS here to be used as well as abused by family, women, and critics.

I threw myself towards the merciful limelight; deep down, I wanted to be popular, but not like this…not this way. Right now, I miss my life…the one life I never should have sacrificed for a pretty penny.

I slowly scoot ever closer to the ocean, the water tickling my feet and the wind coursing through me. My eyes were closed, and my mind shutting down every inane and regretful thought I or God may conjure up. The only thought was simply this; I don’t want to live anymore.

I looked around to see anyone around me as I began the proper steps in ending my ‘life’; all I saw was a car parked far in a distance in the sand and I heard the song Desert Rose surrounding the city air.

My legs and feet are surrounded with water, as is my torso…then my whole body. I dive all the way in, sighing against the feel of the summer waters washing me. I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy it, for I had a job to do.

With my back to the water and my eyes closed again, I slowly feel the water cover my clothed body completely and wash me away from shore. The only sounds that resonated in my ears were the seagulls crying, and the waves crashing upon rocks and sand; the sound started to disperse dramatically.

I was on my way out, I didn’t know where I was going after this; I just hoped that God would forgive my actions. I don’t feel like playing cards and sipping tea with Lucifer.

Everything started to go black now; my job was almost complete until…

“Hang on! Just hang on, mister!!”

I…I heard someone screaming in my unconscious state; who disturbed my peaceful death? My eyes were still shut to the world as I’m being pulled out from the angry ocean to the dry shore sands.

My chest felt compressed and my lips…my lips, sated by a someone elses…a woman… I wouldn’t dare call it our first kiss due to the circumstances, but…it was in a way.

She saved me when I thought no one else gave a damn about me. Slowly I open my eyes and see a half drenched woman hover over my weakened body. I felt her hands graze the sides of my face and held them there for quite some time. If I had the urge to hold her where she straddled me and never let go, I would, but I was too loopy to do anything else.

I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell this woman how I came about in the sea; I had to think of a plan B and fast…

“So…instead of telling you what really happened, I gave you that lie…I’m so very sorry, Nat…”

“You….were gonna kill yourself…because you thought no one loved you?” I nod and I turn away but she holds my arm in her grip. “Kevin…I am…SO GLAD you didn’t, or I would have NEVER found you that night. And yes, there are people on this Godforsaken planet that loves you; you just have to—“ “Look for them…” I intercepted her last quote, but she didn’t mind. “And I’ve found her.”

I heard an inward giggle come from her which made me do the same. “Yes, you have,” she told me with a bright smile. “Kevin, you no longer have to worry about anyone disliking you, or simply hating you…what should be important…is that I love you. Ok?” she just knows the right words to say to make a man feel special, and above all strong.

The only thing I could do at the moment was hold her close to me again. “Thank you, Nathalie…for being a true friend…” I try to fight back my tears, but they quickly slide down my face. “And my true love.”