Taylor Brett sighed as she walked into the foyer of her house and dropped her briefcase. "Mike? Are you home?" She yelled out.

No answer. Sighing again, she said to herself, "Well, that's a relief. Maybe he won't be home for a while."

She slowly climbed the stairs to their bedroom, and changed out of her suit. She slipped on her fluffy bathrobe and ran a brush through her disheveled hair. Returning downstairs, a bottle of wine greeted her when she opened the fridge. Taking the bottle, a glass from the cupboard and a pack of cigarettes from the counter, she retreated to her office to go over some case notes.

Sitting at her computer, Taylor's thoughts drifted back to Kevin and Nick's trial. It had been almost a month since it ended and yet she couldn't shake the whole experience from her mind. Even though things were going okay between her and Mike, it seemed as though every spare moment she had was spent thinking about Nickolas Carter. Conversations with her best friend Jamie were laced with information on what and how the guys were doing. Like everyone else, they were all trying to settle back into a normal routine. But as hard as Taylor tried, she wasn't sure that her normal routine was something she wanted to go back to.

Nick reached for the phone once again. Every day for almost a month he had wanted to call her, to hear her voice. He dialed the first nine numbers and as usual hung up before he could dial the last.

Although everyone was shaken by the trial, Nick seemed even more distraught since it had ended. The rest of the Backstreet Boys did their best to bring him out of it but nothing seemed to work. He declined the offers to go clubbing, shopping and even to play basketball with the fellas. Brian was surprised that he could actually beat Nick at Nintendo. He was even more surprised that Nick rarely accepted his challenges anymore. And although Nick's body appeared at the studio everyday to work, it was obvious that his mind was somewhere else. He would stay only as long as necessary to record the CD they had been working on since this whole mess started. But once they were finished for the day, Nick was the first one out of the studio and out of the parking lot before the others could even remove their headsets.

Nick thought back to the long conversation he had with Jamie just before she returned to Cincinnati. He had tried his best to explain what happened between him and Taylor while Jamie did her best to enlighten him about Taylor in general. To say Taylor was a complicated person was an understatement. She was intense, passionate, intelligent, beautiful and deep down inside she was incredibly scared and insecure. In this last respect, Nick knew he could easily relate to Taylor.

But he also knew he couldn't go on like this much longer. It was either now or never. Nick decided that if he didn't have the nerve to call this time then it just wasn’t meant to be. He picked up the phone and again dialed the first nine digits. Taking a deep breath, he hit the last number and put the phone to his ear.

The shrill ringing of the phone broke Taylor out of a wine and thought induced daze and she reached behind her to grab the cordless.

"Hello?"

"Umm, . . .may I speak with Taylor please?"

Taylor responded, not quite recognizing the voice. "This is she."

"Taylor? This is Nick. . ." his voice faltered for a moment when she didn't respond immediately. "Nick Carter."

"Oh. . . um, hi Nick." She tensed up as she responded, her recent thoughts causing her head to spin as the reality of his voice hit her like a sledgehammer. Calming herself she finally spoke again. "And I knew who you were. Um, how've you been?"

Biting his lip as her voice had a similar effect on him, he replied, "Sorry. Not too bad I guess. And you?"

"Okay, I guess."

Hearing the hesitation in her voice, Nick began apologizing, "I'm sorry. I hope you don't mind my calling. . . I. . . I just. . ."

"Oh, no Nick, don't be sorry." She finally let out the breath that she had been holding, "I'm. . . I'm glad you called."

An overwhelming sense of relief swept over Nick as she spoke. "I. . . I. . . miss you."

Taylor felt an unfamiliar warmth come over her as well, and she replied softly, "I know. . . I miss you too."

"I need to be honest with you, Taylor." Nick knew he had to get this out. "I can't seem to get you out of my mind. I have no idea what it is, but I just needed to hear your voice."

"Nick, I . . ."

"Wait, let me finish. I. . . like I said, I don't know what this is, what happened between us. And I don't really know anything about you or your life but. . ." Nick's voice softened to barely above a whisper, and she strained to hear him. "I know that something I can't explain is drawing me to you."

The silence was deafening as Nick waited for some sign, any response at all.

At last she said, "I. . . I don't really know what to say Nick." His shoulders sagged and he closed his eyes briefly.

"Well, how about. . ." He thought for a moment. "'I feel the same way and I'd like to get to know you better?'"

"I don't know. . . I just. . ."

Nick cringed as he regretted saying that. "Okay, how about 'Thanks Nick, nice to know you care but no way in hell, so go away.'"

Taylor laughed slightly at his attempt to lighten the tension that existed between them. Hearing her soft laugh, Nick relaxed a bit and decided that he needed to further state his case. "Listen Taylor, I know this whole thing is weird, trust me, I have no clue what I'm doing either. What I do know is that I feel something for you and if I don’t at least try, I'm going to go out of my mind. I have done nothing but think about you every second of every day since I first met you. You amaze me, you intrigue me, and I'll admit it, you scare me too."

Taylor laughed openly this time. Nick smiled to himself, proud that he got her to do so.

"But I will tell you this. If you feel absolutely nothing for me right this second then you just say the word and I am gone. I promise, I won’t bother you again."

She paused for a moment, not believing she was about to let herself open up to him. "I. . . I. . . think I like the first choice you gave me."

"The first choice?" He tried desperately to figure out what she meant by that, but came up empty. "Okay, remember I'm blond, what was the first choice I gave you?"

Another laugh. "You said that I should say, I feel the same way about you and I'd like to get to know you better."

Nick smiled again. "You mean that?"

"Yes Nick, I mean that. But. . ."

"No buts, you can't take it back now." Nick said, laughing slightly. "I'm not going to let you."

"Nick, it's just that. . . things are. . . really. . . complicated in my life right now." Even as she said that, Taylor heard the front door slam shut and Mike call out her name.

"Taylor, I know that it's. . ."

"Listen Nick, I really have to go now but I will call you soon, I promise, okay?" she said quickly.

Sensing the urgency in her voice and happy with the progress they made, Nick obliged her request. "Okay Taylor, but I will hold you to that promise, all right?"

"I don't make promises I don't intend to keep Nick, hopefully that is something you’ll learn about me."

"I hope to learn that and much more, Taylor."

"Me too Nick, me too." Taylor heard the doorknob to the office turn and she quickly slammed the phone down.

Taylor looked up to see Mike walk into the room staring at her. "Who was that on the phone?" he asked with a very possessive tone.

Taylor replied nervously, trying to think of a lie that Mike would accept. "Um. . . no one. . . just a telemarketer."

"Oh really? A telemarketer?" He questioned with a frown, obviously not buying her excuse.

Looking away from him and back down to the computer screen she continued to try to play it off. "Oh yeah, I just got rid of them. They shouldn't be calling again."

"So this telemarketer. . ." Mike continued smugly, "they were from Florida right?"

Taylor froze briefly, then looked up at him through widened eyes as she realized that she hadn't had a chance to erase the caller ID before he got home.

"That's a big coincidence that a random telemarketer has the exact same name as that little pretty boy you defended down in Florida." Mike kept talking as he slowly walked over to where Taylor was sitting behind the desk. "Don't you agree Taylor? That's probably too much of a coincidence?"

"Mike, listen. . ." She looked down again, and started babbling nervously, "I can explain."

"There isn't anything to explain Taylor."

"Yes there is, he just wanted to call and see. . ."

"And see what? And see when the next time you could get away to cheat on me with him was?"

She flinched. "You know that's not true Mike. . ."

"No Taylor, I don't know the truth at all because you lie to me every chance you get don't you?" he asked softly. It was that tone of voice that alerted Taylor that she was in danger once again.

"Mike please. . ." she begged.

"And you know what happens when you lie to me." He was towering over her now, glaring at her like a child that needed to be disciplined. "I thought you were being a good girl, I thought things were getting better."

"They are getting better Mike. . . really, they are. . . please. . ."

He shook his head. "There you go again, lying every chance you get. I'm sick of it Taylor and I really think it's time you learned your lesson. . ." he said menacingly, that awful sneer still on his face. He came even closer to her, if that was possible.

Taylor cowered in the chair with her hand up, preparing for the first of what she was sure would be many punches that night.

Nick looked at the phone after the connection ended. He sighed and put the phone back in its cradle. He had heard her voice, and he had told her what he felt. And she had encouraged him, not blown him off as she had done countless times before. Leaning back on the couch he smiled a hopeful smile, having no idea what was happening in Taylor's world at that exact moment.

Later that night, after Mike left to try and forget what he had done, Taylor dragged herself into the bath tub to soak. As she sat in the warm bath, she remembered how it used to be with Mike. He had started out as a very sweet and loving person, albeit a little intense at times. She and Mike had been together for three years, two of those years spent in the same house. Time and again Taylor tried to figure out why she couldn't just leave him. Her reasoning always fell back to the same answer; she was more fearful of being alone than she was of Mike.

It hadn't always been like this, but as of late Mike's temper had gotten progressively worse. The last year or so with Mike had made her very good at preventative medicine. A long bath and a couple of drinks would help ease the pain for the night, but when the morning came the real agony would set in. She hadn't found a way yet to prevent that.

Mike was pretty brutal tonight and Taylor wondered if she might actually have a cracked rib this time. She tentatively passed a hand over her side and tried not to cry out from the pain the movement caused. The bath didn't help much but she told herself to toughen up as she got out of the tub and once again snuggled into her robe. With a stiff drink in hand, she wandered out to the backyard. She settled into a comfortable patio chair and stared up at the sky as if she were looking for answers.

Taylor sighed to herself as she pondered her situation. Surely keeping in contact with Nick would cause nothing but more pain; if not from Mike, then from Nick himself. Was Nick really a risk she wanted to take? Was he really worth it? Probably not, he wasn't that special, she decided finally. Resigning herself to what she thought was the right thing, she picked up the phone and dialed Jamie's number.

Jamie had just begun to fall asleep when she heard the phone ringing. Groaning, she glanced at the clock. Two thirty in the morning, who would be calling at this time of night? She thought about not answering it, but decided to pick it up in case it was important. She rolled over and answered the phone in a sleepy voice, "Hello. . .?"

"Hey Heads, it's me. . ." Taylor said softly.

Waking up a little, Jamie could tell something was wrong, "Hey you, what's wrong?" She sat up and reached out to turn on the light.

"Nothing, just wanted to hear your voice, that's all." But Taylor's tone sounded as if she was trying to hide the fact she had been crying.

"You're lying, I can tell. Besides, you only call this late when something is wrong."

"Can't I just call you? Seriously Jamie, nothing's wrong."

"Uh huh, I don't believe you. What did Mike and you fight about this time?" Jamie only thought that Taylor and Mike fought a lot, and that he verbally abused her. Taylor never told her the complete truth, in part because it was Taylor's natural reaction to deny to the world that anything was going on.

"Oh, nothing important, just the usual stuff. He's under a lot of stress at work, and I guess I didn't help any." Taylor paused. While she knew that Jamie had always been there for her, Taylor was still uncomfortable with the thought of telling her. But Jamie just worried a lot about her friend, so Taylor had to say something. "It's not. . . it's not that bad. I'll be fine."

"You say that every time Tails. You know eventually you won't be fine. I still don't understand why you put up with him."

Thinking that it was a good idea to try to change the subject and lighten the mood, Taylor said "Yeah, well, you'll never guess who called me tonight?"

Sensing her reluctance to go on about Mike, Jamie decided to humor her friend and play along. "Umm, let's see. President Clinton right? He wants to nominate you for the Supreme Court?"

"Don't I wish. . ." Taylor laughed a little, but stopped when she felt a pain in her side. "No, but almost as good, I guess. Nick called."

"Oh really?" Jamie smiled. She knew that Nick had wanted so badly to talk to Taylor ever since the trial ended. "And what did my little brother have to say?"

"Not much, we didn't talk for very long." Taylor realized she shouldn't let Jamie know how happy she was to hear from Nick or she wouldn't go along with her plan. "It was nice to hear from him."

"I can imagine. He really cares about you, you know that don't you?"

"Yeah, I kind of got that impression."

"You're all he talks about. It's driving Kevin and the rest of them crazy." Jamie added dryly, "Although Kev does think it's an improvement over video games."

Taylor sighed. "Yeah, well he'll get over that. He knows that I'm with Mike and that. . ." she stopped abruptly, realizing she had almost said too much.

"And what Tails?"

"Nothing, just that I'm not planning on leaving Mike, no matter what I think of Nick."

"So you do think of Nick?" asked Jamie.

Taylor made a frustrated noise. "Not like that. He's a sweet kid and all, but there isn't anything there."

"He'd be annoyed if he heard you refer to him as a kid you know. And you are such a liar, it's not even funny. You do like Nick, more than I think you're willing to admit to yourself."

Hating the fact that Jamie was sometimes too perceptive about Taylor and her feelings, she tried to backtrack. "Jaim, look. I do like Nick, you're right. But as a friend, there are too many differences between us to be anything more than that. The difference is I like Nick, yes, but I love Mike."

It was Jamie's turn to groan with frustration. "You know I swear if I didn't know better, Mike has some kind of hold on you that makes you afraid of leaving him. What is it?" Taylor's eyes widened as she heard Jamie innocently explain their relationship. "Do you really like arguing and fighting that much, Taylor? I realize you're a lawyer, and as lawyers we all love to argue, but there's gotta be some limit somewhere."

"No," Taylor replied softly. "No, that's not it." She turned in the chair to get more comfortable, and winced as she felt her side pull painfully again.

"Are you all right?" asked Jamie sharply. Taylor realized she must have exclaimed out loud, and she cursed silently.

"Um, yeah. I hurt myself earlier tonight, and I must have moved the wrong way."

Jamie was much more alert now. "What do you mean, you hurt yourself?"

"I, uh, ran into something," offered Taylor lamely.

"Like what, Mike's hand?" Taylor had forgotten that Mike had slapped Taylor in a fight once in front of Jamie. It was the only awareness Jamie had that their fights might be more than just verbal, and it was also one of the reasons Jamie disliked Mike so much. Taylor had spent a lot of time convincing Jamie it was a one time thing, but Jamie wasn't easily convinced. Taylor had to disabuse her of her guess, otherwise Jamie would never agree to help her.

"No," she said with as much conviction as she could muster.

Jamie was silent for a minute, then said, "Okay." Taylor knew she didn't believe her, but there wasn't much she could do about it right now.

Jamie decided to change the subject again, but only slightly. "Are you going to be nice to Nick now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said you like him as a friend, will you let him be your friend?"

Taylor considered for a minute, then finally answered, "No, I don't think so."

"What? Why not? Do you realize what you're doing Taylor?" Jamie was exasperated.

"What do you mean?"

"You are blocking out every positive opportunity in your life and wallowing in some self-pitying, wanna-be-a-martyr-all-my-life thing."

"Jamie, I don't exactly see Nick as a 'positive opportunity.' And I am not wallowing."

"Of course you don't, but only because you don't want to see it Taylor. He is a good person and he really does care about you. I'm not saying Nick is perfect, no one is. But you'll never see that will you? You won't consider anything that might actually make you happy, like having him as your friend. That's all I'm asking here."

"Please, Jamie. . ." Taylor was crying by this time, knowing that her friend was right but unsure how to make things right. She felt things had gone too far for her to turn them around.

"I love you Taylor, but I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. You need to make some changes in your life and Nick and I are both offering to help you make those changes. Please don't shut either of us out."

"Jamie please, just listen to me for a minute." Taylor bit her lip hoping her best friend would understand and help her this time. "I need a big favor from you."

It was hard for Jamie to sit back and watch one of the people she loved most in this world suffer like this, but for the most part she knew there wasn't much she could do. Jamie took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm listening."

"I need. . .I need you to call Nick for me and tell him that I can't talk to him again."

"You're joking right? Did you even hear what I just said to you?"

"Yes, I heard you, and no, I'm serious about this. I promised him tonight that I would talk to him again and I said some things to him that I shouldn't have. I can't talk to him again Jamie, I just can't."

Jamie had a feeling this was all related to tonight's fight with Mike, and she thought she knew why Taylor felt she couldn't risk calling Nick again. "And what exactly am I supposed to tell Nick, Taylor?"

"I don't know. . .just. . .just tell him that I thought about it and I changed my mind. That things would never work anyway."

"Tell me one thing Taylor. How am I supposed to convince him of that when neither you nor I believe it?"

"I do believe it. It wouldn't work."

"Maybe not but you'll never know for sure because you won't give him a chance. Nick deserves that chance, and so do you."

Taylor closed her eyes, "I just can't do it Jamie, I'm not strong enough to fight for all this right now. Sometimes it's just better to leave things alone."

"When did you give up fighting for what you want, Taylor? My best friend used to fight hard for what she believed in, but I'm not sure I know who this person you've become is anymore."

Crying openly, Taylor made one final plea for Jamie to talk to Nick. "Please Jamie, if you will do me this one last favor I promise that I will try to start fighting again. I need you to help me is all."

"You actually want me to help you? You're asking for my help? Dammit I hate when you go all soft on me," Jamie chuckled ruefully. "All right, fine. Are you sure you really want me to tell Nick to stay out of your life?"

"Well, not like that, but yeah, it's what's best for everyone."

"I won't be that blunt, I do know how to be tactful sometimes," said Jamie wryly. "You do realize though that you will have to see him every so often, because he's in my life. Hell, I sometimes see him and the others more than even I want because of my relationship with Kevin. But you do understand he won't be gone completely, right?"

"Yes, I know. But that's different, because he'll be your friend not mine. I can handle him being on the fringe, but right now I can't deal with him directly."

"He also may be not believe it coming from me," she warned. "He may call you anyway to make sure."

Taylor shook her head, even though Jamie couldn't see her, "No, I think he'll be more likely to believe it if you tell him. He won't call me again."

"You that afraid of him, Tayl?" she asked softly.

"No, I'm not afraid of him, Jaim," Taylor said. They ended the conversation soon afterwards. As Taylor hung up the phone, she thought to herself, "No, it's not Nick I'm afraid of, Jamie. It's me and what I'll do that scares me to death."

Jamie found it difficult to get back to sleep after her conversation with Taylor. Although she wasn't sure it was the best thing to do, she knew that Taylor wouldn't have asked her to talk to Nick if it weren't important to her. Jamie thought about her friend, wondering just how bad it really was between Taylor and Mike and exactly what she should and shouldn't say to Nick. Before she fell asleep, Jamie decided that she needed some advice herself before she actually talked to Nick about this.

Jamie was definitely distracted the following day at work. Her clerk and her secretary both noticed and made comments after Jamie had given them the wrong assignments and case files for the third time in an hour. Jamie tried to laugh it off, but she realized it would bug her until she at least attempted to resolve this thing with Nick. She picked up the phone and dialed an all too familiar number.

"Kevin's House of Honeys, and exactly who is your pleasure today?" a laughing voice answered.

Jamie snickered, "Okay AJ, why are you answering Kev's cell phone?"

"Oops, hey Jamie, um, sorry about that. I was. . . was just. . ." AJ stuttered, clearly embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it AJ," Jamie said still chuckling, "but seriously, is Kev around?"

"He's in the middle of a photo shoot right now. Can I have him call you back? He shouldn't be too much longer."

"Yeah, just tell him I'm at work, he has the number."

"No problem sweetheart," AJ said. "Hey, how are you by the way, I haven't had a chance to talk to you much since you went back to Cincinnati."

"I'm doing okay I guess, I miss you guys though."

"Well you know how it is, we're all just so freakin' irresistible."

"Yeah I know, I know, especially that tall dark-haired Kentucky boy you got there," Jamie grinned. "Actually, AJ, can I ask you something?"

"Of course I'll go out with you," AJ quipped, "but you gotta break up with Kev first."

She rolled her eyes. "Funny, Bone, very funny. But I'll file that little bit of information away for future reference. Seriously though, I need a somewhat objective opinion. . ."

"Okay, on what?" asked AJ.

"How has Nick been lately? Does he seem okay to you?"

"Nicky?" AJ paused for a minute, thinking. "Well, he's been okay I guess. He doesn't go out much at all, just kind of keeps to himself. And he's a lot quieter than he used to be. Other than that, he seems to be okay. Why do you ask?"

"I guess I'm just worried about him, that's all."

"It's funny you should ask though, because today he seems a little better than usual. He's been bouncing all over the place, almost back to his old chaotic self."

"Oh really?" Jamie thought about it and realized Nick's behavior was most likely a result of his conversation with Taylor last night. "Well thanks a lot AJ, and just have Kev call me when he gets a chance."

"I will sweetheart. Take care and I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Sure thing Bone. Oh, and have Kev call me on my cell, I think I'm going to get out of the office for a bit." The conversation ended and Jamie gathered her things and told her secretary that she would be out of the office for at least a couple hours.

Jamie walked along the downtown streets of Cincinnati, not paying careful attention to the crowd around her. Her thoughts wandered to everything important in her life. Her family, Kevin, Taylor, her career. She had a good life and for that she was grateful.

She wondered what Taylor thought about in her more pensive moments. It was difficult for her to imagine such a strong person seemingly giving in to a difficult situation. But Jamie also knew that there were things about Taylor's life right now that she knew nothing about. Finally, Jamie walked over to Fountain Square and sat at the foot of the fountain. Staring up into the water, the ringing of her cell phone broke her thoughts.

"This is Jamie Saxon. . ." She answered professionally.

Kevin's rich smooth voice greeted her from the other end. "Hey baby. . ."

"Hey darlin', how did the photo shoot go?"

"It went fine, what are you up to?"

"Not much, but I kinda need to talk to you about something, do you have few minutes?"

"For you? Always. . ."

"Good answer," she teased.

Kevin gave a short laugh, "So what's up?"

"Well, I got a phone call from Taylor last night. . ." Jamie began telling Kevin about the phone call. She also explained everything she knew and suspected about Taylor's relationship with Mike.

". . .Wow. Jamie, I really don't know what to say. Hunh," Kevin said, with a slight shocked tone in his voice.

"What I don't know is if I should tell Nick about any of this or if I should just try to convince him not to call her. What do you think?"

"To be honest Jamie, I think that he should know what's going on. Even though I don't really know much about their relationship, Nick obviously feels something for her."

"I know, but. . ." Kevin stopped her.

"I can tell you this though, he's been happier today than I have seen him since. . ." he paused.

"Since before the trial?" Jamie finished. "Yeah, that's what AJ said. Damn, Nick is not going to want to hear this, and I hate to do this to him."

"Do you want me to talk to him first?" asked Kevin.

"No, I don't think that is such a good idea. He'll think that we are talking about him behind his back."

"Uh, Jamie, we are talking about him behind his back."

"No, really Mr. Obvious?" Jamie said sarcastically. She thought for a minute. "How about this: See if you can get Nicky over to your place tonight for dinner or something and I'll call and talk to him then. That way, if he wants to talk about it with you or I need help with him, you'll be there."

"Okay, I think I can do that. What time do you think you'll call?"

Jamie mentally ran through her DayPlanner. "How about 8ish?"

"Okay Jaim, I'll have him at my place then, okay?"

Jamie breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks Kev, this makes it a little easier on me. I love you, you know that right?"

"Of course I do, and you know I love you more, right?"

"You've been watching Forces of Nature again, haven't you?" she grinned. "Bye darlin'."

"Bye baby," answered Kevin. Jamie clicked her phone off, and stared vacantly into the fountain, trying to decide how she would approach this with Nick.

As promised, Kevin had Nick at his house that evening. It wasn't too difficult considering that Nick was finally in a good mood. They ordered a pizza and just hung out talking, like they all used to do before the trial. Kevin actually broached the subject of Taylor, and Nick confided in Kevin that he had in fact talked to her the night before.

Kevin was about to answer Nick and ask what they had talked about when the phone rang. Sighing, he answered, "Hello?"

"Kev, it's me. Is Nicky with you?"

"Yeah, Jaim. How was your day?"

"Sucked right up until I spoke to you, then improved slightly."

Kevin laughed, "Glad to know I can brighten your day anytime."

"You know you can. So are you going to make this harder on me, or are you going to let me talk to Nick?"

"Not much. Just having dinner with Nick."

"What?" asked Jamie. "Oh, you're trying to make it seem like we didn't plan this."

"Exactly."

"Fine, well now that you've done that, can I get this over with please?"

"Oh sure, you call my house, and you want to talk to Blondie? I'm thinking I need a new girlfriend," Kevin teased.

"Oh you think so, eh? Well, I'm thinking you can just as easily be replaced, Richardson, so knock it off and let me talk to Nick."

"Promises, promises. Fine, hold on." Kevin looked over at Nick and pouted, "She wants to talk to you."

Nick laughed, "I knew she'd come around eventually, and realize I'm the better man for her than you are." Nick ducked as Kevin cuffed him lightly on the back of the head.

"Hey Jaim, what's up?"

"Hey there Nicky, how are you doing?"

"I am great, thanks for asking."

Jamie laughed, even though she could feel her heart sinking. "Oh really? And what has brought this on? You get signed by the Magic?"

"Nope, although actually that would be good too. Actually, I called Taylor yesterday and didn't get blown off."

"You sure you dialed the right number, Nicky? Last thing I knew, you thought you were never going to hear from her again."

"Ha ha, yes I dialed the right number. I decided to try and talk to her, see if we could work something out."

"Oh," Jamie said softly. God, this was going to be harder than either her or Taylor thought. He sounded so happy, so animated, that Jamie almost decided not to say anything.

"Oh, what? You don't sound too happy," asked Nick, suddenly worried. He had a feeling something was going to shatter his happiness, but he didn't know what that something was.

"I talked to Taylor, and she told me you two had spoken," Jamie said finally.

"Okay, so what's wrong?"

"Nick, she didn't sound as glad as you do about it."

Nick's voice got quieter, "What do you mean? What are you saying, Jamie?"

"I'm sorry, Nick, there's no real way to say this without hurting you. She doesn't think it's a good idea if you two talk again. She doesn't want you to call her again."

Tears appeared in Nick's eyes, then he got angry. "You're lying Jamie! Why are you doing this, don't you think I'm good enough for her? What gives you the right to say who I can be with?"

"Nick! Oh God, no, that's not it at all. It's not me, I swear to you, Nicky. Taylor's life is very. . . complicated right now, and she doesn't want you to get involved with her. She asked me to tell you, because she thought it would be easier coming from me." Jamie said, devastated by what Taylor was making her do to Nick.

"Please, Jaim, tell her she can't shut me out like this. Please talk to her for me, I know you could convince her to talk to me again. Remind her she promised me, and she said she doesn't break her promises." Nick was very close to breaking down completely. Taylor meant more to him than he realized, and the anguish he was feeling was obvious to both Jamie and Kevin, who had just come back into the living room.

"Nicky, believe me, I tried. She's adamant about this, she thinks it would be better this way."

"I care about her, Jaim," he said quietly. "A lot more than I thought I did. Please, Jamie, tell her to talk to me just once more. I know I can convince her. Please, for me?"

Jamie tried to talk but could only manage a small distressed noise. She loved Nick as if he really were her younger brother, and she couldn't take much more of this. Nick heard her, and looked over to Kevin. "Talk to her, Kev. I didn't mean to upset her too."

Nick handed Kevin the phone. "Baby? Hey, it's me, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so," Jamie sniffled. "This is so hard, I can hear his heart breaking, Kevin. What am I going to do?"

"I'm sorry, baby. But I think you know what you have to do," he said gently.

"You mean tell him everything, don't you?"

"It's the only way. You shouldn't have been put in the middle like this, I don't like that she can do this to you. But since you are in the middle, you need to do what will make you feel better too." Kevin said soothingly.

"Oh, I hate it when you're right," Jamie muttered. Kevin smiled, and she sighed again. "Alright, I'll tell him everything I know. Taylor isn't going to like this, but this is her fault. Maybe next time, she'll do her own dirty work."

"Maybe, but in the meantime you are the one who has to deal with this. Here, I'll put him back on."

"Thanks, Kev. I love you."

"Me too, baby. Here, hold on." Kevin handed the phone back to Nick, who had been listening to Kevin's end of the conversation with a confused and hangdog expression. "Jamie has something to tell you."

Nick sniffled into the phone, "Is she okay Jamie? Please just tell me what's going on."

"Nicky. . ." Jamie hesitated, unsure of how to continue. She had no idea how Nick would react to all of this.

"I need to know, please I need to know why she thinks she can't talk to me anymore. . ." Nick pleaded.

"I know, Nick and I'll tell you everything I know, okay? But please, give me a little leeway here. Just listen to what I have to say and then we can talk about it. This isn't going to be easy for you to hear. . ."

"It can't be any worse than hearing she never wants to see me again," he said miserably.

"Okay, Nick. . ." Jamie gathered herself and slowly explained what she knew. She was careful as she spoke about the abuse she suspected but Nick knew exactly what she was getting at. His expression was stoic as he listened to Jamie but as she told him more and more, a flush of anger came over his face.

Finally Nick took the phone away from his ear and thrust it at Kevin. "I can't take anymore of this Kev. . .I've got to get out of here. . ." He got up and started to walk towards the door.

Kev grabbed the phone from Nick. "Nick wait. . .we need to talk about this. . ."

Nick didn't turn around, he just walked out the door.

Kevin went back to Jamie and explained to her that Nick left. They talked for a few minutes and figured that Nick needed some time to himself to absorb all of this. Both were a little relieved that at least it was out in the open now, although there was still an ominous cloud over everything.

If only they knew what Nick and Taylor were thinking right now.

Nick drove aimlessly around the streets of Orlando. His head was spinning and he was looking for any way to stop it. The thought of Taylor being physically hurt made Nick sick to his stomach. The thought of her being emotionally battered tore his heart out. He wished it was only as simple as getting Taylor to talk to him again. There was much more on Nick's mind than that, which only added to his heartache.

He ended up where he always did when he needed to sort things out, the beach. It was already late and Nick found himself walking alone on the shore. The moon was shining bright enough to cast shadows on the sand, specifically the shadow of one very confused young man.

Questions flew through Nick's mind like laser beams. Was Taylor okay? Was he in love with her? Did she really have feelings for him? Did he really have feelings for her? Did the age difference matter? Did they really have that much in common? Would it matter if they didn't? Nick wanted badly to help Taylor, although he couldn't figure out a way to get through to her. Being stubborn was definitely one trait they shared.

Sitting down on the sand, Nick ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He looked up to the stars as if asking for guidance. "Please, just help me to understand some of this," he thought to himself.

Thinking back through the short time he had known Taylor, Nick couldn't help but smile to himself. She was tough, that was certain, but she had a shell of insecurity that he had recognized immediately. Originally, he had thought it was a reflection of his own shell, but now he knew better. Her actions and reactions were mirror images of his own. Their attitudes were strikingly similar as well; project a very strong image, don't let anyone get too close and when they do, bite back. Protect the true inner self at all costs, and don't ever reveal it. Don't feel anything deeply for anyone; without those feelings, there was no way to get hurt. Birds of a feather, two peas in a pod, whatever the cliché was didn't really matter. But the sentiment behind it did, and both Taylor and Nick had recognized their psychological twin. The difference was Taylor turned and ran at every opportunity, Nick stayed and tried to make the connection between them. Why? he asked. If they were so alike, why were their reactions to each other so very different?

The only reason he could come up with was that Taylor had been maintaining this façade far longer than he had. So long in fact, that Taylor believed there was no other way to live her life. Thinking about this scared Nick. "Will that happen to me? Will I end up playing this game my whole life? Will I ever have the courage to truly let someone into my soul?" he wondered. "Or will I always be truly alone, only half a person?" The real possibility of that last question being true rocked Nick to his core. He closed his eyes tightly as if that action would prevent his loneliness from occurring.

Every time he ran away or stalled someone emotionally, he had convinced himself that it just wasn't the right time, or it wasn't the right person. He had made promises to himself that he would know when it was right and it would be safe. Then, and only then, would he really let someone into his heart. But when was that time? Was this it? And was Taylor the one? Was that why he was so distraught?

His eyes opened on their own. That has to be it, he concluded. This is the time when he should ignore his fears and throw caution to the wind. The time is now, Taylor is the one, he decided. She may be his last chance, just as he was hers. This revelation calmed him, and he wasn't as frightened of letting someone in as he had been in the past. It wasn't an anonymous someone anymore, it was Taylor.

He'd made up his mind. Nick decided to go back to Kevin's. He wanted to talk to both Kevin and Jamie about his decision. Theoretically, this was a big step for him to take, for both of them. Realistically, Nick had to come up with a plan to convince Taylor to give him this chance.

Weaving itself through all of this, however, was another more ominous thought. Did he really deserve Taylor? After everything they had both been through, after everything each had done in the past, it came down to the question he had asked Jamie earlier in anger – were they good enough for each other?

Nick practically ran up the walkway to Kevin's door, anxious to talk about what he had decided. He knocked on the door until a sleepy Kevin appeared and opened it.

"Hey Kev, I'm sorry I ran out before but I really needed to sort things out ya know?" Nick apologized.

"I know, Nick. I know this isn't easy on you." Kevin said, gesturing to Nick to come in and sit down. Kevin noticed that Nick looked somewhat relieved, his eyes a little brighter and the permanent frown he had been wearing for a month all but gone.

"So how mad would Jamie be if we called her? I really want to talk to you both about this."

Kevin chuckled and looked at his watch. "She's probably asleep by now, but I know she was worried about you. You really upset her by running off like that."

"I'll apologize to her too. If she gets mad, just blame it on me."

"I do that anyway," Kevin smiled. Nick just pursed his lips, shook his head, and handed Kevin the phone.

Kevin called Jamie expecting to wake her up. She hadn't been able to sleep so she picked up right away. Nick picked up another extension and the three of them talked for quite some time. He told them most of what he had been thinking and that he decided he couldn't just let go of Taylor. Jamie and Kevin both expressed their support for Nick's decision, albeit with some apprehension about Taylor's willingness to talk to him.

"I have to try, Jamie," Nick stated bluntly. "I can't drop this, I'm in too deep already."

"I just want you to be prepared, Nick," Jamie replied, trying to reassure Nick but caution him as well. "As much as Taylor may want to reach out, she's still not going to be easy to convince."

"It won't be easy, I know that. But above all else, Taylor needs friends right now. Friends who really care and want to help her get out of this crap with Mike." Nick had a very confident and mature tone in his voice now, surprising both Kevin and Jamie. "If nothing else, I want to be there for her as a friend and help her through this. If the rest comes later, then it's all good. If not. . ." He paused and his voice cracked a little. "Well, I'll deal with that when the time comes."

The three of them talked a bit more and finally figured out a way for Nick to try to talk to Taylor without putting her in any danger from Mike. Finally, exhausted mentally and physically, they ended the phone call. Nick stayed at Kevin's for the night, too spent to drive home.

As Nick settled once more into the guest room, there was a knock at the door. "Yeah, come on in Kev. . ."

"Hey little bro," Kevin said, peeking his head into the room. "I just wanted to make sure that you got settled okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for everything Kevin, it means a lot to me to know that you. . ." Nick turned around, unable to finish his sentence.

Kevin just stared at the man before him. Nick had grown up right before his eyes. Instead of the whiny little brat Kevin had come to love, now there was a mature, confident and caring man that Kevin had come to respect as well. "You don't have to say it, I know Nick."

"Thanks." Nick faced Kevin again, and gave a brittle smile. Kevin nodded in response.

"Oh, and by the way. . ." Kevin paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm really proud of you."

Nick was startled at first, the smile disappearing completely from his face. Looking closely at Kevin, he saw that Kevin was very serious. Afraid that they would both fall apart, Nick chose the only method he knew to break the mood. He smirked at Kevin, "Thanks. . . dad." With lighter hearts, both men laughed and said goodnight.

Taylor sat in her office organizing her appointments for the day. "Damn, I need a vacation," she said to herself looking over her crowded schedule. The buzz of the intercom brought her back to the moment and she hit the button to answer her assistant.

"What is it, Kate?"

"You have a call on line four."

"Who is it?"

"A Mr. Carter. . . he says it's urgent."

She paused for a second. "Tell him I'm busy."

"He figured you'd say that. He told me to tell you that he is going to call every five minutes until you talk to him."

"Oh really? He said that, did he?"

"I get the feeling he's serious," Kate said, laughing.

"Damnit," Taylor thought to herself. "Jamie said she was going to talk to him." She sighed, "Okay, I'll pick it up. And Kate, can you hold the rest of my calls for a few minutes?"

"Sure, Taylor."

She must have stared at the phone for several minutes before finally getting the nerve to pick it up. "This is Taylor."

"Hey, it's me. . ."

"I know. Listen Nick, Jamie was supposed to. . ."

Nick interrupted her, "Stop right there Taylor. Just listen to what I have to say and then you can hang up on me if you want. First, Jamie did talk to me, that's why I'm calling you at work instead of at home."

Taylor suddenly realized what Nick was getting at. Jamie must have told him at least something about Mike, enough to know that Mike was angry about Nick calling her at home. She tensed up, wondering exactly what Nick would say, how he had or would react to knowing more about her situation.

"What did Jamie tell. . ." Again, he cut her off.

"She told me enough Taylor, just leave it at that. Okay, here's the deal. I'm not letting go of you that easy. Like I said before, I have feelings for you and I'm not willing to just ignore those. I know you have feelings for me as well but you are afraid to let them surface. Regardless of any of that, you need help Taylor. You need to get out of this thing with Mike before it gets too dangerous. You know better Taylor, but you're scared, just like everyone else."

"Nick, just. . ." she tried one last time to get a word in edgewise, but Nick refused.

"No, I'm not listening to you right now Taylor, you're supposed to be listening to me. You need people in your life who really care about you and want you to be happy. Not people who hurt you and want to control you. I want to be a friend to you Taylor, I want to help you. So do Kevin and Jamie. We are going to do everything we can to get you out of this, whether you want us to or not."

Taylor was speechless. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she could feel the lump in her throat expanding.

"Are you still there. . . Taylor?" Nick said holding his breath, hoping she hadn't hung up already.

Her voice cracked but she managed to choke out a response. "Yeah, I'm still here."

Nick breathed out, thankful she hadn't hung up. "I know this is tough, trust me. You're afraid to change what has always worked, but the wall has to come down Taylor, and it has to come down soon. You tore mine down, and now I'm going to return the favor."

"Nick. . . I need some time to. . ."

"You can have some time, Taylor. But Kevin, Jamie and most especially me are going to be there every step of the way for you. Think of it as free therapy, three for the price of none. Richardson, Saxon and Carter, at your service," Nick said jokingly.

Taylor smiled a little through her tears. "Okay Nick, I'm checking myself into therapy."

"Good. Now that we have that settled, here's our little plan. . ." Nick told Taylor how the three of them had all agreed that at least one of them would talk to Taylor everyday. Mainly checking up on her to see that she was okay, but also to reassure her that she could get out whenever she was ready. They all knew the day would come, it was just a matter of time.

Taylor stared at the phone in her hands, her new lifeline, waiting. She had gone out after her conversation with Nick and bought a second cell phone. The account was created using Nick's name and information, because she was afraid of what would happen if the bill ever came to her house. Once in the car driving back to her office, Taylor used the new phone to call Jamie, Nick and Kevin to give them the number. They were the only ones who would have it, so Taylor knew if that phone rang it was one of them.

Nick was the one who seemed to call her most often. Jamie tried to call whenever she could, but because of her work and getting ready to move to Orlando, she usually talked to Taylor in the evenings. This worked out since Mike expected Jamie to call Taylor. The conversations were usually guarded, but they managed to talk about things without raising Mike's suspicions. Kevin called less often because almost every time he tried to do so, Nick was around and would offer to call instead. Kevin didn't have the benefit of being able to call at night, so he monitored Taylor through Jamie and Nick.

Nick always called during her lunch hour, and today was no different. "Hey, Taylor," he said cheerfully. Taylor smiled, realizing that hearing his voice, as well as Jamie and Kevin's, were the only real bright spots to her days lately.

"Hi, Nick. How are you?" she asked.

"Pretty good. The better question is how are you?"

"Just fine, Dr. Carter. Nothing happened last night, so I am bruiseless today," Taylor said lightly. "Well, almost. The ones from a couple of days ago are turning that delightful green/yellow/purple combination I am so fond of."

Nick was surprised. Taylor had never made light of her situation before. These last few weeks, it had always been a very serious, almost detached, conversation about how the previous night had been for Taylor. She almost always answered in two words or less, and while she disliked talking about it, she sounded relieved that she had made it to the next phone call. Then they would talk about anything else, ranging from what Nick and the others were doing, to the outrageous things fans would do to meet the guys, to the goings on of her work in roundabout terms. There was a silent agreement between them not to discuss their feelings.

"Well, personally I like green, but yellow and purple too, huh? You need to do something about that. Make it turn all green if you can, maybe some shading thrown in there, with a hint of the purple," teased Nick cautiously. He was rewarded with a chuckle from Taylor.

"I don't know if I can, but I'll talk to the Art Department, see what they can come up with."

"You do that, and get back to me," said Nick. "You sound much better, you know."

"Yeah," she replied softly. "You see, I have these great therapists, and they've been helping me out a lot."

"Really? Maybe I should get their names, talk to them every once in a while. It's tough being me, you know."

"Are you whining about your life again?"

"Who me?" he asked innocently. "Never, I don't do those sorts of things. I was told once that I was the one who made this choice of careers, now I need to accept it and move on without whining."

Taylor laughed, remembering clearly what she had told Nick that first night she was in Orlando. Then she sobered, "Yeah, well perhaps that wasn't the best advice I've ever given."

"Hey, now, none of that. This isn't your fault, how many times do we have to tell you that? And you shouldn't accept it, not at all."

"It's sometimes hard to remember that," said Taylor quietly. Nick tried to reassure her again, but she cut him off. For the first time, Taylor told Nick exactly what Mike had been doing to her for the last year, not glossing over anything this time. Nick's face paled as he listened to Taylor. He realized that Jamie had done a lot of guessing about what went on, but that she wasn't even close. Her guesses had made him sick, but listening to Taylor made him positively ill. As she spoke, Nick got angrier and angrier at Mike.

Taylor heard the anger in his responses, and stopped abruptly. "I'm sorry Nick. I didn't mean to make you mad. I guess I shouldn't have told you. Maybe I should go."

"No! Please Taylor, don't hang up, you're wrong. I'm not mad at you, I'm furious with Mike. I'm angry that this had to happen, and that no one has tried to help you until now."

"Oh," she said softly. "It sounded like you were angry with me. I thought maybe I shouldn't tell you anymore."

"No, really Taylor, I'm not mad at you, I'm frightened for you. Honestly. I'm about ready to kill Mike though."

"Please, no, don't say that," she paused. "Deep down somewhere, Mike is still a good person."

"You're kidding, right? After all of this, you still believe that? You don't want to leave him yet, do you?" he asked incredulously. He found it hard to deal with the fact that despite everything he had done to her, she still loved Mike.

"I don't know, Nick." She sighed, "Look, you forget I've known him for more than three years, and he wasn't always like this. You only know what I've told you about him; I can still recall when he was good to me. As for leaving, I don't know about that. I don't think I'm ready right now."

"Taylor, please. . ."

"Nick, I know that you want me to get out, and so do Jamie and Kevin. I'm just not there yet myself. But I am trying to distance myself from him. It's hard you know, he still tries to keep me under his thumb. Why do you think I still have this phone, Nick? I can't be friends with you that openly right now. If he ever found out about this, I don't know what will happen."

"I can't help it, I'm just worried about you, Taylor," he said in a small voice. He didn't want to think about Mike discovering their deception.

"I know you are. But there's nothing you can do at the moment, so try not to worry too much. And please don't make threats against Mike again, that doesn't make me any happier."

"I'm sorry. I just feel helpless, and I want to do something."

"You are, Nick. You call me every day and talk to me. You are doing something, and I appreciate it more than I can tell you."

Nick smiled slightly, "You're welcome. Well, I guess I better go, Brian just came in looking for me. He's making weird faces at me, and I have to go make him show some respect by tickling the hell out of him." Taylor could hear Brian in the background claiming to be scared out of his Nikes, and she laughed.

"All right, go ahead, but be nice to him. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"You know you will. And I can't promise what will happen to Frick if he doesn't QUIT IT!" Nick's voice rose slightly, directing the last part of the sentence at Brian, who was doubled over in laughter. "Ah, these kids nowadays, no respect at all for their betters," said Nick mockingly.

Taylor giggled, "Yup, none at all. Well, bye, Nick."

"Bye, Taylor. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will. Thanks." She hung up the phone. Taylor sat there, looking out her window for a while, wondering just what she had done to deserve having friends like Nick, Kevin and Jamie.

After Jamie spoke to Nick that afternoon, she made a decision to ask Taylor to move to Florida with her. She had asked once, before Taylor had flown back to Oklahoma City after the trial, and Taylor had said she would think about it. The subject had never been mentioned again between the two of them, and Jamie thought now was a good time to reintroduce the idea.

"Hi Taylor," she greeted her friend once Taylor picked up the phone. "You alone?"

"For now. Mike is out tonight with some friends, so it's safe to talk for a couple of hours."

"Good. Nick called me this afternoon, he said you told him everything."

She swallowed. "Yeah, I did. But now he wants to kill Mike."

"Tails, he wanted to do that before you said anything. To be honest, I feel like it as well. But that's not really what I want to talk to you about."

"Uh oh, and why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this discussion?"

"Probably because you won't," Jamie smiled in spite of herself. "I'm in the middle of arranging movers to move my stuff to Orlando."

"So you really are moving?"

"I told you I would be. I think I'll be all settled in Florida by the end of the month, and ready to start a practice down there. I got the letter from the Bar two days ago; I've been admitted, I passed their version of the Multistate."

"Congratulations. What about work?"

"Well, I've spoken to my senior partners. I'm going to be opening a branch office of my firm in Florida. I'll be the senior partner there, I just need to hire a staff."

"Senior partner at 30? I'm really impressed, Jaim. How big will the office be?"

"I'm not sure at this point. I know the plan is for at least five attorneys to start, but I need to hire them. Know of anyone interested in joining me?"

There was silence on Taylor's end of the line. "Sounds like you have someone in mind," she said finally.

"I do. I understand she's a damn good attorney, just won a big high-profile case recently too. Someone like that could do a lot to help establish the office quickly."

"Talking about yourself in the third person again?" cracked Taylor. "I think you've been hanging out with famous people for too long."

"Funny, ha," smiled Jamie. "I was talking about you, Tayl."

"Nope."

"No, I wasn't talking about you? How would you know?" Jamie retorted.

"I know you meant me; my answer is no. I can't, not now."

"Taylor. . ." started Jamie, but she was interrupted.

"Jamie, I told Nick this afternoon, and I'm telling you now. I know I need to do something to get out of this, but I'm not ready yet. And I'm certainly not ready to move across the country, even if I could leave Mike now."

"So you're just going to dismiss this out of hand? Taylor, please, this is perfect for both of us. You need to get away from Mike, and I need your talents as an attorney. You can't just say no."

"I just did."

"Taylor," Jamie admonished. Taylor sighed and shook her head.

"All right, can I at least think about it for a while? It's an awfully big step for me right now, I. . . I don't know if I'm up to it. Please?"

Jamie frowned, "Taylor, you have to do something before Mike does something we all will regret."

"I know that. Really I do, but I just can't bring myself to do anything at the moment."

"What is it going to take for you to do something? Do I have to stand by your hospital bed, by your grave? Taylor, I'm serious, I'm frightened for you. Please come with me to Florida," she begged.

Taylor winced. "Now I really think you're overreacting. Yes, Mike has hurt me, but never that badly. I know you're upset, but I really do need to think about it. Give me a couple of days, please?"

"Oh, all right!" Jamie was exasperated with Taylor's recalcitrance. "You win, for now. I'll give you until the end of the week, how's that? But you will be coming with me to Florida, even if I have to have Nick tie you up and throw you over his shoulder to carry you there."

Taylor laughed, "That's not a real threat, Jamie, and you know it. Nick can tie me up anytime. . ."

Jamie snorted, "You know what I meant, although it's nice to see you still have your sense of humor. You've been much too serious lately."

"I know. And I promise Heads, you'll have your answer by the end of the week. I really will think about it, okay?"

"Okay. But you really better be thinking about it."

"I will, I promise," said Taylor. "So what else is going on?"

Two days later, Taylor was in the library of her office pulling down a State Reporter from a high shelf when she felt herself become lightheaded. The book fell out of her grasp as she sank to the floor, blacking out. Her assistant came into the room upon hearing the noise, and found Taylor unconscious on the floor with several other books lying around her. Kate knelt down and felt for a pulse, then shook Taylor gently.

Taylor stirred, eyes fluttering open. She saw Kate crouching over her with a very concerned expression on her face, and the phone receiver in one hand.

"Oh my God, Taylor, you scared me to death! I was just about to call 911."

Taylor slowly sat up, still slightly dizzy. "No, Kate, thanks. I'm fine, no need to call. And I didn't mean to scare you."

"What happened?"

"I was getting a reporter down for some research. I must have slipped on something, I don't know." She tried to stand, but was struck by another wave of dizziness. Taylor abruptly sat back down, and tried to center herself.

Kate peered into Taylor's gray face, and didn't like what she saw. "Maybe I should see if your doctor can squeeze you in today?"

"No, that's not necessary, really," Taylor protested.

"Taylor, this isn't like you. And you're obviously not fine, you can barely sit up and your eyes are all glazed over. If you won't go to a doctor or the hospital. . .?" Taylor shook her head no at that option as well, "then you're going home. And that's final."

"Kate, who's in charge around here?" she tried to be gruff, but it didn't sound very menacing to either of them.

Kate smiled, "We both know darn well that I am, and that this office would have gone to hell in a handbasket ages ago without me. And I say you're going home."

"Yes, ma'am," Taylor said meekly, and Kate laughed. Taylor grinned slightly, but was still feeling dazed.

"Good girl. Now you obviously can't drive home, so should I take you?" asked Kate.

"No, the office still needs to be open, I'm expecting a few documents from the court of appeals and some other attorneys today."

"So much for me getting a free afternoon out of this," Kate said saucily. "All right, well, you still need to get home, I'll call Mike to come get you."

Taylor winced at the thought of calling Mike and the potential tantrum he'd throw. "I don't think you need to bother him, I'll be fine in a minute, Kate. Really," she said nervously.

"Nonsense, I'm calling him, he'll come get you, and you're going home. End of discussion." Kate was dialing Mike's work number before Taylor could protest further. After a quick discussion, Kate hung up and looked at Taylor. "I told you, he'll be here in a couple of minutes. Let me get you some water, and you try to make it to the chair okay?"

Taylor gave in, knowing there was no way she was going to win this argument with her assistant. Kate was one of a small group of people who could actually tell Taylor what to do, how to do it, and still get away with it. Kate had been in control of the office and Taylor since the beginning, and she knew that Kate was irreplaceable. Unfortunately for Taylor, so did Kate. So Taylor did what she usually did, grumbled the whole time, but did exactly what Kate asked her to do.

Twenty minutes later, Taylor was sitting by the conference table, sipping a glass of water when Kate walked back into the library with Mike.

"Are you all right?" he asked, kneeling down. Taylor was surprised with the man in front of her. He hadn't expressed genuine concern for her in the longest time, but she figured it was because Kate was still in the room with them.

"Yeah," she replied quietly. "Kate just overreacted."

"No, I don't think she did. You look kinda pale. C'mon, let me take you home, and I'll take care of you." He held out his hand for her, and helped her out of the chair. Wary, she allowed Mike to lead her out of her offices and into his car. On the drive home, Taylor kept shooting sideways glances at Mike, and he finally noticed.

"What are the looks for?"

"Um, well," she hesitated. "I. . . I just thought you'd be angry that you had to drop everything to come get me."

"Why would I be angry?" he asked, puzzled. "You're my best girl, I would do anything to take care of you. I'm not angry at all." Taylor's eyes widened involuntarily. Mike sounded sincere to her, as if the events of the last year had never taken place, and this was the Mike she met and fell in love with. Completely confused by his behavior, she closed her eyes.

Once at the house, Mike shepherded Taylor upstairs and into the bedroom. He made sure she changed into pajamas, tucked her into bed, and told her to take a nap. He would work from home this afternoon to keep an eye on her. Still confused by the apparent turnabout in his behavior, Taylor allowed him to do all of this for her, and nodded when he told her to give a yell if she needed anything. Hearing the bedroom door close, Taylor snuggled down in the blankets and closed her eyes to nap.

Mike was going over some papers in the dining room when he heard a faint ringing noise. Looking first for his own cell phone and finding it quiet, he decided it was coming from inside Taylor's briefcase. Opening it up, he was astonished to find two cell phones inside. Picking up the phone he recognized, then the other unfamiliar ringing one, he answered it.

"Hello?"

Nick, upon hearing a male voice answer Taylor's cell phone, gasped and hung up quickly. He prayed he had accidentally dialed the wrong number, and that the voice on the other end of the line did not belong to Mike. Tentatively, he dialed Taylor's number again, and hung up just as quickly when he again heard a male voice answer the phone.

Mike wondered why there were two phones in Taylor's briefcase, then decided that perhaps it belonged to another attorney, and she had accidentally picked it up without realizing. He started to put it back into her bag when he saw part of the caller ID on the phone. Turning the phone so that he could read the display fully, he stiffened when he saw who had called: "Nick Carter, (407) 555-0128"

Realizing that it wasn't someone else's phone, but Taylor's, Mike got angry. "That conniving little bitch, she just couldn't stay away from him. Well, I'll make sure the whore knows what a mistake she has made." Throwing the phone against the wall and hearing it crack into several pieces didn't satisfy him. He raced up the stairs and threw open the bedroom door, slamming it into the adjoining wall.

Nick started to panic as he pictured Mike going ballistic, remembering all of the horrible things Taylor had described to him just a few days ago. Quickly he dialed Taylor's office number. Kate picked up on the second ring and Nick asked to speak with Taylor.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Brett has gone home for the day. May I take a message?"

"No, thank you," he replied curtly. Nick hung up and dialed the next logical number. The line rang several times as Nick begged for Jamie to pick up.

"Damnit Jamie, where are you?"

Finally he hung up and dialed Kevin's number.

"Hello?"

"Kevin, thank God you're there. Listen, I think something really bad just happened. . ." Nick quickly explained everything about the phone call and Taylor not being at work today.

Nick's voice was shaky as he spoke, "I don't know, Kevin, I just have this really bad feeling that Taylor's in trouble. What should I do?"

"First thing you need to do is calm down little bro. Are you sure that it was Mike that answered her cell?" Kevin asked, trying to be rational.

"Who else could it be? They said she went home and you know Mike never lets her have anyone else in the house. Kev, he's going to hurt her, I just know it."

"Is he really that crazy? I mean, I know what Jamie suspects but. . ."

"Suspects nothing Kevin, Taylor told me everything just a few days ago. If I didn't have to be strong for her I would have lost my lunch." Nick said, vividly remembering that conversation.

Kevin paused for a second to realize just how serious this situation could be. "Okay, I think we need to call the police or something and have them go check on Taylor. That's the only thing I can think of right now. . ."

Taylor instantly awoke when she heard the door crash into the wall, but she wasn't fully alert. Mike stood above her, his brown eyes blazing with anger, his face flushed. Taylor cringed and tried to move off the bed away from him, but he was too quick for her and caught her by the leg. Dragging her back across the bed towards him, he flipped her over and said in a deadly quiet voice, "Where are you going, Taylor? I just came up here to tell you that your boyfriend just called you on your private cell phone."

"My boyfriend. . ." her voice trailed off as she stared at the clock radio by the side of the bed. 12:05 p.m. it read, and her heart stopped. It was her lunch hour, and Nick was calling. . . No, she cried inside, this can't be happening. But it was, Mike had found the other cell phone. Closing her eyes in futility, she waited for his rage to strike, praying it wouldn't be too bad or last too long.

"Taylor, I'm waiting for another one of your explanations. . ." Mike snarled.

One eye opened and she looked fearfully up at Mike. He was one second away from really exploding, and she tried to give him the answer that would make him the least angry. Instead, she was horrified to hear herself burst into tears and say, "Mike, I can't do this anymore."

"You can't do what anymore? Lie to me? Cheat on me? What can't you do Taylor? Tell me."

"I. . . I can't stay here anymore. I don't want to keep doing this, Mike. I want to leave," she heard herself say, not knowing where the words came from. Taylor felt detached from everything, as if she were merely watching the events taking place rather than participating. As she heard the words spill out of her mouth, some part of her brain screamed, "NO! Don't say it, just be quiet a little longer! NO! What are you doing? Oh God, NO!"

The hand that had been on her leg disappeared, and as she kicked free and started to roll away again, it reappeared on her arm, squeezing tightly. "You want to what, Taylor? I don't think I heard you right."

The traitorous words came out again, "I want to leave you, Mike. I want to get out of this place and not come back. It's over between us." Taylor was fascinated by the color on Mike's face. She hadn't thought it was possible for anyone to turn that shade of purple, but obviously it was. She realized that Mike's hand was grasping her upper arm so tightly she couldn't feel the fingers on her left hand anymore.

"Over? You think it's over? Oh no honey, it's not over. Not by a long shot. We will never be over, I won't ever let you leave here." He paused as his rage again spiraled out of control. "Unless of course, it's in a body bag. No one can have you except for me, Taylor, do you understand? No one."

They were both shocked to hear her say, "No, I'm leaving, and I'm doing it now." She started to struggle away from his grasp, but he backhanded her, the force of the blow twisting her neck painfully and throwing her down onto the bed. She tried to sit up again and received another punch. Reeling from the blow, she made a move to the side.

That little movement to escape finally detonated Mike's anger. Taylor couldn't move under the onslaught of blows that fell on her body. He had never been this harsh or this brutal before, and the detachment Taylor felt intensified. It was the only way she could block out the pain being inflicted upon her.

She barely felt it when Mike dragged her off the bed, her head striking loudly against the hardwood floor. Dazed, she was only slightly aware of being pulled across the floor by one foot, and led out into the hallway. Mike stopped at the top of the stairs, and she only faintly heard him say, "If you want to leave so badly, what are you waiting for? Go! Get the hell out of my sight!" Taylor had no time to brace herself for the kick that sent her tumbling down the stairs. Landing in a broken heap at the foot of the stairway, Taylor moved slightly before finally, blessedly, blacking out completely.

Mike walked slowly down the stairs, stepping over her as he reached for his jacket on the hook by the front door. "You can leave whenever you want Taylor," he said as he walked out the door.

The police cruiser slowed as it pulled up in front of the address they had been given. One of the officers looked at the other asking, "Any idea what we're supposed to be looking for?"

"Not really. I guess this lady is an old friend of the chief's and we're just supposed to check to see if she's here, or okay or whatever."

The two officers got out and slowly walked to the door. One was about to knock when they noticed that the door was slightly ajar.

"Looks like reasonable suspicion to me, how about you?"

"You know it." Slowly they opened the door and announced their presence. It only took a second for the first officer to see Taylor's body at the bottom of the stairs. Quickly they radioed for an ambulance and went to check on her.

After calling the police in Oklahoma City, Nick drove to Kevin's house. In the living room, Kevin watched while Nick paced frantically. "Damnit Kevin, why haven't they called back yet?"

"Nick, calm down. I'm sure nothing's wrong and they just haven't gotten around to calling yet." Kevin tried to reassure the younger man so that he would stop creating a track in the carpet.

"The police chief told me he would call me back himself." Nick stopped pacing and looked at Kevin with tears in his eyes. "I can't take much more of this. I know something happened Kev, I can feel it. . ." He trailed off as he heard the phone ring.

Kevin picked up the receiver, "Hello?"

"Hey darlin', it's me," Jamie said.

"Hey you. . .where have you been all day?"

"I've been in court since early this morning, and I just got out for lunch. Why, what's up?"

"Well, we've been trying to get a hold of you, we may have a problem."

"We? Why, what happened?" Jamie's mind raced as she tried to guess what could be wrong.

Kevin calmly explained what had transpired and expressed Nick's fears to Jamie. She was worried as well, but still more reserved than Nick.

"Can I talk to Nick?" Jamie asked. Kevin looked over at him and saw that he was finally sitting down with his head buried in crossed arms.

"Jamie wants to talk to you," he said, handing the phone to Nick.

"Yeah. . ." He said trying to clear the sobs from his throat. "Jaim?" he said, sounding very much like a little boy.

His tone of voice nearly killed her so Jamie decided to try to lighten the mood. "Hey cutie, how's it goin'?"

"Well, I've, ummmm, I've been better." He choked out. "Jamie, I just. . .I need to know she's okay. . .this is all my fault."

"Okay sweetie, we're gonna find out what's up, okay? But for now, you need to stop thinking that anything is your fault, I don't wanna hear that."

"But it is Jamie, if something happens. . ."

"First things first, we don't know if anything has happened and second, blame Mike for everything, he's the one who started this whole thing," she said firmly, wishing she could be there to comfort him. And she needed to feel Kevin’s arms around her, comforting her as well.

"Yeah, I know, but. . ."

Jamie stopped him, "Just calm down. Let me try to call the house, Nicky, I'll call you right back, okay?"

Sensing he was about to go over the edge, Kevin got Nick a drink, something to calm his nerves as they waited for the two return phone calls. Suddenly, Nick's cell phone went off and he nervously punched the button to answer it.

"Hel – hello? Yes, this is him." He signaled to Kevin that it was the police in Oklahoma City.

Kevin watched as Nick's face paled, then saw the fear, anger and finally frustration well up in his eyes, Nick’s hand clutching the phone as if his life depended on it.

"And where is she now?" He paused to wait for a response. "Okay, St. Anthony's, got it. Yeah, we'll be there as soon as we can." Nick's voice calmed a bit but had an eerie edge to it that Kevin couldn't interpret and had never heard from him before. "Thank you again."

As Nick clicked off the phone he looked up at Kevin. "That son of a bitch. . .I'm gonna kill him."

"What happened, what did they say?"

"They said that they found her in her house, at the bottom of the stairs. . ." Fury emanated from voice as he spoke. "Unconscious, barely breathing, covered in bruises, maybe some broken bones. . .God knows what else."

Kevin didn't say anything, he just picked up the phone. Nick listened as Kevin made flight reservations for the both of them and Jamie. When he hung up with the airlines, he dialed Jamie's number.

Feeling the plane begin its descent into Oklahoma City, Jamie slowly opened her eyes. It wasn't that she had really been asleep. Jamie just wasn't the best flier, and since she flew often, it saved a great deal of embarrassment and air sickness bags if she attempted to sleep on planes.

She would be the first one to arrive in Oklahoma; Nick and Kevin wouldn't get in until the following morning. The flight had been the first time she sat still all day. After being in trial that morning and then speaking to Kevin, she had tried to call Taylor's house. She listened to the phone ring endlessly before the machine picked up. She had hung up knowing that it would be pointless to leave a message, and then she had received Kevin's call with flight information and Taylor's status. Once Jamie had that, she rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Thankfully, she had gotten the trial continued so that co-counsel could take over for her. Calling her secretary from her cell while rushing from the courthouse to her Hyde Park apartment, she managed to get her schedule cleared for the rest of the week. Clothes and other necessities were tossed carelessly into a duffel bag, and then it was another mad rush into Northern Kentucky to get to the airport on time for her flight into Houston. She was now sitting on her connecting flight to Oklahoma, but the two hour layover in Texas was excruciating. Although she wanted to be there as quickly as possible, Jamie realized that there would be little she could do for Taylor when she arrived. Taylor probably wouldn't know she was there, but Jamie had to know what was going on, and the sooner it happened the better.

Being attached to her cell talking to Nick and Kevin during her layover hadn't helped her much either. While she was trying hard to be a rock for Nick, Kevin could tell she was just as close to breaking down as Nick was. Personal stress was something Jamie had trouble dealing with, and Kevin had already witnessed the results once before, with no real desire to do so again. He just hoped for everyone's sake that she pulled it together before they joined her in Oklahoma.

Once on the ground, Jamie took a taxi to the hospital. Inside St. Anthony's, she was directed to Taylor's room, and everything ground to a halt for her as she steeled herself for what she thought she would see once she opened the door.

Her imagination in some ways hadn't prepared her for what Mike had done to Taylor, but to some extent she had done too good of a job imagining. Taylor was sedated and asleep, but she looked far from peaceful. The entire left side of her face was swollen and discolored, and both eyes were blackened. The bruises were plainly visible on both of her arms where they weren't bandaged, and there was a splint wrapped around two of her fingers on her right hand. Peeking from underneath the blanket were more bandages around Taylor's chest. At some point during the day, Taylor had kicked part of the blanket away from her legs, and more bruises could be seen.

It was involuntary, but Jamie turned her head to the side, closed her tear-filled eyes, and swallowed hard. Setting her duffel bag off to one side, Jamie pulled a chair over to her friend's bedside, sat down, and cried softly. Regaining some control over herself several minutes later, she carefully wiped her eyes with her index fingers, then looked at Taylor. Jamie took a deep breath, then began talking to her. Jamie spoke randomly, not really making any logical sense, but carried on a one-sided conversation as best she could until finally she ran out of things to say.

Taylor hadn't woken up at all during Jamie's ramblings. At first she appeared agitated, moving restlessly in the bed, but once Jamie raised her voice slightly so that she could be heard better, Taylor calmed down. By the end of the conversation, although Taylor was still unconscious, she had apparently fallen into a peaceful sleep.

The same could not be said for Jamie. She didn't leave the room, and when a nurse tried to shoo her out, Jamie impassively turned to look at the woman before saying "No", then turned back to Taylor and resumed talking to her. The nurse watched them from the doorway for a minute, then turned and left, leaving word at the nurses station that Miss Brett's friend would be staying the night with her and not to try to remove her. The nurse returned with a pillow and blanket for Jamie, which she took and laid at her feet, not acknowledging the nurse in any other way. Jamie spent the rest of the night in an uncomfortable silence, watching over her friend.

Since their flight left at 5am the next morning, Kevin and Nick managed to get out of Orlando without much fanfare. That night had been difficult for Nick and without worrying about the consequences, Kevin had fed him enough booze to allow him to mercifully pass out. Jamie had called when she got to the hospital and told Kevin as much as she knew. The doctor had not been in to see Taylor since Jamie got there, so there really was no medical news. Jamie made a feeble attempt to describe what she saw but emotions got the best of her. Kevin understood and pondered the best way to prepare Nick for what they would find.

Knowing they could be gone several days, Kevin called the other guys to let them know, and each of them offered their support. Thankfully, Denise offered to talk to management and smooth things over. She told Kevin to take as much time as they needed. After what Jamie and Taylor had done for them, she said it was the least they could do.

By 6:30am, the guys had changed planes in Atlanta and were on their way to Oklahoma City.

Jamie felt a hand on her shoulder as she sat up and let her eyes adjust to the bright sunlight in the room.

"Ms. Saxon?" The older gentleman said softly.

"Umm, yeah, that's me," she replied, stretching a little, wincing from the soreness that set in while she slept at Taylor's side. Jamie looked up and saw a kind face, a fatherly type with salt and pepper hair and a gentle smile.

"I'm Dr. Leyland, Taylor's physician."

"Nice to meet you. So, how is she?"

"Well, why don't we go get some coffee and we can talk about it, you look like you could use some caffeine."

"But I don't. . ."

"Trust me, she'll be here when we get back." He smiled reassuringly at Jamie and she reluctantly agreed.

The two walked silently to the cafeteria and Jamie waited at a table while Dr. Leyland got coffee for them both. She inhaled deeply when he set the cup in front of her and after sipping some, breathed a small sigh of appreciation, "Thank you, I needed this."

"No problem," he said quietly. "You know it's strange, I feel like I know you. Taylor talks about you constantly.

"Oh really?" Jamie asked. "So you're her regular doctor?"

"Yes. I just happened to be on call when they brought her in yesterday."

Jamie noticed his demeanor and became curious. "You seem pretty calm about this, I'm going to assume that this didn't come as too great a shock to you."

"Honestly, no it didn't," he paused for a moment. "I mean, I've never seen it this severe before, but to answer the question you didn't ask, yes I know about the abuse."

"Has she ever told you about it? Or did you just figure it out?"

"A little of both. I think Taylor looks at me like a medical doctor and her secret psychiatrist; we tend to have long chats when she comes to see me."

"Which is probably pretty often," Jamie said with a sad yet sarcastic tone.

"Unfortunately, yes. In the past year and a half or so I've probably seen her at least two dozen times." He stopped when he saw the shock on Jamie's face. "Mostly office visits for sprains and bruises, certainly nothing like this."

"I see. So what about this time, is she going to be okay?"

"Physically, nothing is wrong that won't heal with time. But her emotional state is very fragile right now." He opened the folder on the table and looked through some notes he had made. "She has several broken ribs, two broken fingers, the obvious cuts and bruises, and a pretty bad concussion. Nothing life threatening, but I'm a little worried that she hasn't regained consciousness."

"So you think that emotionally she's afraid, or that she doesn't want to wake up?"

"Possibly. But there is something else that you should know and since I know how close you are, I feel comfortable telling you." Jamie peered at him curiously over her coffee cup. "Taylor was pregnant."

Not sure how to react, Jamie just put her coffee cup down and sighed. "She was pregnant," taking on a biting tone, "until yesterday."

"Yes, she miscarried shortly after they brought her in."

"Does she know?"

"Not that I'm aware of. She was only eight weeks along and probably hadn't considered it as a possibility."

"So what do we do now?" Jamie asked.

"Well, we're going to watch her closely but all we can really do is wait. She'll decide when it's time to wake up." He sensed frustration from Jamie, "She's pretty strong and as long as she has people that care about her, I'm sure she'll come out it."

The doctor excused himself and promised to check on Taylor that afternoon. Jamie glanced at her watch, two hours until the guys got there. She decided to try and find a shower and to change clothes.

As they neared Oklahoma City, Kevin thought it would be best to tell Nick exactly what Jamie had told him the previous night, including the physical description of what Taylor looked like. He was a little worried about the younger man's reaction, but it couldn't be helped. Nick was going to find out anyway, and a little preparation could go a long way.

At first he wasn't sure Nick heard him since Nick was somewhere between being slightly drunk and having the beginnings of a hangover. His blue eyes were glassy, but Kevin couldn't tell if it was due to the alcohol or if it was from unshed tears. When Kevin finished, Nick simply slipped a pair of dark sunglasses on his face, and turned towards the window, staring outside. Knowing how Nick hated to fly, his calm demeanor surprised Kevin, and at that point he realized just how much agony Nick was in. He put a hand on Nick's shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze, but then withdrew and left Nick to his troubled thoughts.

Arriving at the hospital, Kevin again tried to assess Nick's mental state, but Nick shrugged him off, saying he was fine, he just needed to see her for himself. Again, Kevin dropped the subject, but made sure that Nick knew he and Jamie would be there to help him through this.

Jamie was waiting for them outside Taylor's room. When they reached her, Jamie held out one arm, and Nick allowed her to give him a hug. She held him for a while, not saying a word, but just running one hand along the line of his shoulders. She looked over his shoulder at Kevin, giving him a weak and troubled smile. Kevin nodded solemnly, instinctively understanding that there was more bad news waiting for them.

Nick finally stood back up, forcing Jamie to release him. He looked down at her and asked about Taylor. Jamie closed her eyes for a moment, then quietly repeated everything the doctor had said, including about the miscarriage. Nick was momentarily shocked, but then his face became blank. He calmly asked to be allowed into the room to see Taylor. Jamie moved to one side of the doorway and Nick walked past her into the room.

As he closed the door, he saw that Kevin had crossed over to Jamie, enveloping her in his embrace and rocking her gently. Nick turned and walked over to the chair by Taylor's bedside. Sitting down, he reached for her unbroken hand and cradled it tenderly in his own. Tears streaming down his face, he whispered, "Taylor, this is all my fault. . . I'm so sorry. . ."

Everything hurt. Even the simple act of opening her eyes hurt. She could hear herself crying and was shocked by the sound of pain and sorrow she managed to convey with her tears. She couldn't see clearly through the tears either. Blinking to clear them away, Taylor became aware of someone else in the room. She realized she wasn't the one crying, and it wasn't her voice saying "I'm sorry, so sorry" over and over again. Carefully, she turned her head towards the voice, and blinked harder to clear her vision. It worked, although the pain the action caused made her think it hadn't been worth it.

The blond head she saw was still bent down staring at their clasped hands, so that whoever this was didn't know she was awake and alert yet. She looked at the figure for a little while, trying to discern who was sitting next to her. Taylor didn't have any blond friends, and the only blond male she really knew of was. . .

"Nick?" his name came out in a weak croak. He appeared not to hear her at first, then he looked up from their hands to her face. They stared at each other for a moment, Taylor disbelieving of the tear-stained face in front of her, and Nick surprised at being caught crying over her bedside. Taylor tried to break the silence again, "Nick?"

He shook his head, and said, "Shhh. Don't try to talk, it doesn't sound like it would work well anyways."

Never having listened to him yet, she tried again, "Where. . . what. . .?"

He smiled weakly, "Still stubborn I see. Don't talk and I'll tell you what's going on, okay?" She nodded slightly.

"You're in the hospital, at St. Anthony's. You were brought in yesterday afternoon, after the police found you in your house." Nick choked up a little as he spoke, "Do you remember anything before that?"

She tried, but only random images floated through her mind. "Not. . . much."

"That's okay," Nick said as he leaned down to softly kiss her hand, "maybe it's better that way."

Her words were soft and slow as she questioned him. "How did. . . you get. . . here?"

"Kevin and I flew in this morning. Jamie has been here since last night. We all got here as soon as we could."

"For me?" Taylor seemed genuinely astonished by this, and Nick felt the control over his emotions that he had regained in the long moments staring at her slipping away again.

"Yes, Taylor, for you. We told you we would help." He looked away from her. "Not that you could call me helpful. It's all my fault you're in here, and I am so very sorry. More sorry than I can ever tell you."

A puzzled look crossed Taylor's face, "Why?"

"Why?" Nick was surprised by the question. "Why what?"

"Why. . . your fault?"

The answer was so obvious to him that he didn't understand why Taylor wasn't blaming him for what happened. "It's my fault you got beat up Taylor, because I called you yesterday."

"You call. . ." her words were exasperated, "every day."

"Yeah, I do, but Mike never answered the phone before yesterday. If I hadn't called, this wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't be here. This is my fault and I'm so sorry, Taylor."

"Stop. . . saying. . . that." Her voice was weak, but the annoyed tone came through clearly. He smiled in spite of himself.

"Okay. But I am."

"Fine." She took a deep breath, and winced at the pain in her side. "See. . .Jamie?"

"You want to see Jamie? Okay, I'll go get her, but I'll be right back." She nodded again, and he carefully let go of her hand. He walked over, opened the door slightly and spoke softly. He turned and came back to his perch by the bed, not noticing that he had effectively closed the door in Jamie and Kevin's faces. The door opened again, and they walked in. Jamie had a slight scowl on her face directed at Nick, but seeing Taylor awake and watching her caused Jamie to lose the scowl and smile instead. Kevin hadn't been in to see Taylor before this, and his facial expressions toward the damage Mike inflicted caused Taylor's eyes to widen slightly.

She turned to Nick, "How bad?" Nick just shook his head, and said "I'm sorry." She looked over his shoulder at Jamie.

"I won't lie," said Jamie, "he did a really good job on you. You're practically one giant bruise."

"Feels like it," Taylor said, her voice strengthening the longer she was awake. "Thanks for coming here. . . for me."

"Wild horses wouldn't have kept me away Taylor. You know I would do anything to make sure you were going to be okay," said Jamie.

Taylor nodded again, and said quietly, "I know. Would do. . . the same. I was thanking. . . Kevin and Nick. . .more than you."

"Who do you think told me where you were?" asked Jamie. "They were the ones who called the police to check on you."

Kevin had regained his composure enough by this time to look at Taylor and said, "We wanted to make sure you were all right too. We care about what happens to you just as much as Jamie does. You're like family now and there isn't any reason to thank us for doing this. You couldn't have kept us away."

Taylor sighed as her eyes thanked Kevin and the others for being there for her. She made an attempt to stretch and cringed horribly as pain shot through her body from head to toe.

Jamie spoke up, noticing her discomfort. "I'm going to go get the nurse and tell her you're awake. And I'm sure Dr. Leyland will want to see you as well." She smiled at Taylor reassuringly as she and Kevin left the room.

"Can I do anything for you?" Nick asked, pleading with her to let him help.

"I'm. . .thirsty."

Nick looked at the nightstand and saw a glass of ice. "Here, we've got some ice chips," he said reaching for the glass, "how's that?"

Taylor only nodded as Nick reached into the glass and pulled out a big piece of ice. He ran the ice gently over her lips before she parted them and the ice slipped into her mouth. A look of comfort swept over her face as she suckled the ice and let the cool liquid slide down her throat. "Thank you. . .Nick. . .for everything."

Nick just leaned down and carefully brushed his lips across hers.

Jamie and Kevin returned soon thereafter, along with Dr. Leyland. The doctor asked the other three to leave so that he could examine Taylor and they went to the cafeteria to get some coffee.

"So, how do you feel Taylor?"

It was still difficult to speak through all the pain, but she managed to be her usual sarcastic self, "I've been. . .better. Anything. . .really bad?" she asked.

He looked down at her worried expression. "Well, you were really lucky, it could've been much worse considering the circumstances." He paused and she picked up on the hesitation.

"But . . .?"

"There's no easy way to tell you this or ask you for that matter. Umm, did you know you were pregnant?"

Taylor's eyes closed and she grimaced as the full effect of his phrasing hit her hard. She shook her head no and brought her good hand up to cover her eyes as the tears started to fall. Dr. Leyland brushed the hair away from her face and looked down at the fragile woman before him. "Taylor, listen to me." She wiped her eyes and moved her hand unconsciously down to her stomach, rubbing it lightly. Her eyes cleared and she looked at the doctor to let him know she was listening. "Physically, you are going to be just fine. A few weeks of rest and maybe a little therapy, you'll be good as new." She nodded that she understood and he continued.

"Now, psychologically, that's up to you. I know this won't be easy for you to come to grips with, but you have plenty of support, okay?" Again she nodded. "I'm not going to push you into anything right now, I want you to tell me when you're ready and what you need." He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "But for now, I want you to rest so I'm gonna get out of your hair."

As Dr. Leyland started to walk away from the bed, Taylor reached out and took his hand to get his attention. He turned back and looked at her as she spoke. "I need. . .Nick." He nodded with a small smile and left the room.

Nick returned to Taylor's room after Dr. Leyland had found him in the cafeteria and said Taylor wanted to see him. He opened the door slowly and found Taylor propped up slightly in her bed staring out the window. As he walked towards her she turned to look at him, tears falling silently down her face. Her sobs made it even more difficult for her to talk as she tried to tell Nick what happened. "I. . .was. . .baby. . ."

He delicately gathered her in his arms and rocked her gently. "I know honey, I know. But it'll be alright, I promise." Her sobs overtook her and she cried herself to sleep in his arms.

Jamie and Kevin returned to Taylor's room a couple of hours later. They had remained in the cafeteria long enough to allow Nick and Taylor to be alone for a while, and to catch a moment for themselves as well. Jamie looked as if she would burst into tears at any moment, but never actually did. Kevin sensed Jamie's fears and reassuringly wrapped his arms around her. Jamie sighed contentedly, knowing Kevin was there for her. Composing herself, Jamie quietly opened the door to Taylor's room and Kevin followed her inside. By this time Nick was half lying on the bed and half lying in the chair, the pair sleeping peacefully in each others arms.

Kevin whispered to Jamie, "Should we wake them up?"

"Let's try to get Nick up first," she whispered back as she approached the bed and gently shook Nick's shoulder. He stirred a little and then opened his eyes to see Jamie hovering over him. He yawned and carefully pulled himself away from Taylor, stretching his neck and shoulders as he stood up from the chair.

"What time is it?" he asked with a sleepy voice.

"It's after seven," Jamie replied. "How is she? Did she say anything else?"

"Not really," Nick said as he motioned for them to go into the corridor to talk. "She's just really emotional, upset and scared I guess. The nurse gave her a sedative and said she'd probably sleep through the night."

"Probably for the best," Kevin said. "Why don't we go get a hotel room, leave her be for the night and come back early in the morning?"

"That's a good idea," Jamie agreed. "I think we could all use some rest right now."

Nick was quick to speak up. "I'm not leaving her." Kevin and Jamie both looked at Nick, neither really surprised at his statement but wanted to make an attempt to change his mind nonetheless.

"Are you sure, Nick? She's probably going to sleep through the night anyway," Jamie pleaded weakly.

"Yeah, but if she does wake up I wanna be there."

Kevin looked at Jamie, his eyes conveying the futility of arguing further with Nick. "Nick, we'll be back early in the morning, okay?" Nick nodded and hugged Jamie before she and Kevin turned and left.

The nurse was kind enough to bring Nick a blanket and a pillow. He settled himself in the chair and leaned on Taylor's bed. He took her hand gently in his, if only to let her know he was still there. He whispered silently to himself more than anyone, "I'll be here for you Taylor, as long as you'll let me."

The sun shone brightly through the faded hospital curtains as Taylor stared into the light. Her body felt like dead weight but her mind was racing a thousand miles a minute. Everything physical seemed to move in slow motion compared to her thoughts. The questions flew by but the answers refused to come out of hiding. Why couldn't she just let go? She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. As she exhaled, she said to herself, I'm tired, I give up, and fell back into a deep dreamless sleep.

Nick stirred as Jamie and Kevin tried to wake him. He stretched and pulled away from the bed to look up at them. "Hey guys. . . " he said.

Jamie tousled his hair, "Hey Nicky. How's she doing?"

"She's fine I guess. She slept through the night for the most part," he replied with a yawn.

Kevin tapped Nick on the shoulder and handed him a large cup of coffee, "Here, you look like you could use this." Nick nodded his thanks and took the cup, immediately bringing it to his lips to drink.

Sighing, Nick leaned back in the chair and ran his hand across his face and through his hair. He turned to look at Taylor. "She looks so peaceful right now, doesn't she?" he whispered.

"Yeah, she does," Jamie said, placing a hand on Nick's shoulder. "Let's just hope she stays that way."

Taylor woke up a short while later. Jamie, Kevin and Nick were surprised at how calm she seemed. It wasn't a relaxed calm though, it was an eerie complacency that bordered on apathy. When she looked at them, it was almost as if she were looking through them.

Dr. Leyland had stopped by earlier to check on her. Nothing had changed as far as he was concerned and he stated that Taylor could be released in a few days when she felt up to it.

While Nick and Kevin had left to get more coffee and to let Nick clean up a bit, Jamie took the opportunity to talk to Taylor alone.

"So," she asked nonchalantly, "where do you want to go when they release you?" Taylor turned away from Jamie and looked out the window once again.

Her response was monotone. "Wherever. It doesn't really matter anymore, does it?"

"Taylor, of course it matters. We all want you to be safe, and we want you to be happy," said Jamie, surprised by her attitude. "It's why we're here, to make sure you'll be okay, and that this doesn't happen again."

"Whatever. And wherever is fine with me. I don't much care." Jamie was shocked by Taylor's cold tone. "I need to make some phone calls, could you excuse me for a few minutes?" Jamie couldn't do more than just nod. Taylor turned away from the window and without even looking at Jamie, she reached for the phone and began dialing. Jamie watched her for a moment, then turned sadly and left the room. She went out to the waiting room, and sat down.

She had been sitting there a few minutes when she heard Kevin and Nick's voices from around the corner. They both stopped abruptly when they saw her in the waiting room. "Did something happen? Is something wrong with her, Jamie?" Nick asked with a worried look on his face.

She shook her head. "No, nothing's wrong, at least I don't think so. She just. . . said she needed to make some phone calls and asked me to leave for a few minutes." Kevin sat down next to Jamie and took her in his arms. She settled in his embrace gratefully, and he dropped a kiss on the top of her head, silently encouraging her to go on.

"I'm really worried about her, she seemed so cold and distant just now. That's not like her, at least not with me." Kevin and Nick glanced at one another before Jamie continued. "I asked her where she wanted to go when she gets released and she said it didn't matter. I think if I had told her she should stay with Mike, she would have said fine."

Nick knelt down in front of Jamie and took one of her hands. "No, she's overwhelmed by it all. It'll be okay Jamie, she's probably just tired. . . of everything. She needs us, she may not like it, but she does." Jamie smiled at that, knowing how hard it was for Taylor to depend on other people. "We're going to make her let us take care of her, okay? Even if it kills us." Jamie's grin widened and all three stood up to go back into Taylor's room.

Taylor was again staring out the window when Kevin, Nick and Jamie returned. Nick walked over to her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. As he did, he felt her stiffen up. He straightened back up without finishing the movement, and sat down in the chair he had spent the previous night in, a sad expression on his face.

Taylor's voice, although cold and sharp, broke the tension in the room. "I need you all to do me a favor." The three looked at her but didn't speak. "I need some things from the house." She still hadn't turned away from the window, but she kept talking. "I'm not sure where Mike is so I called the chief and he said he'd send a patrol car with you."

Jamie spoke first. "Sure Tayl, we'll get whatever you need."

Taylor reached over to the night stand and picked up a piece of paper, motioning for Jamie to take it. "Here's a list of things I need right now, the rest can wait until Saturday." Jamie took the paper, and Taylor drew her hand back, recoiling from any possible contact between them.

Jamie, Nick and Kevin all gave her quizzical looks. "I've arranged to have movers there on Saturday to pick up the rest of my things." Taylor's statements were sterile, technical, as if she were explaining some mathematical formula. Her voice was void of any emotion as she proceeded. "I've also spoken to the partners in the firm and they are reassigning my cases."

Nick took her hand in his. "Does this mean that you're coming home with us?" He could feel her start to pull away, but he simply refused to let go. Her hand remained in his, as if it weren't worth the struggle.

Her reply was still cold, but quiet. "Yes, Nick. It's over, I'm going with you."

Reluctantly, Nick went with Jamie and Kevin to pick up Taylor's things. Although he was curious to see if Mike was home, he was still worried about leaving her alone at the hospital.

They followed the patrol car to the house and an officer joined them as they approached the front door. Jamie noticed Mike's car in the driveway and tightened her grip on Kevin's hand. "Looks like he's home," she said nervously as she thought about facing the monster that had practically killed Taylor.

"Don't worry baby, we'll be in and out of there." Kevin said as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "He won't give us any trouble." She closed her eyes and nodded, but she was still wary.

"I hope you're right Kev," she whispered back, "I hope you're right."

Jamie lightly knocked on the door and almost instantly it opened to reveal Mike standing in the doorway. He snarled at Jamie and she reared back slightly.

"We're just here to pick up some things for Taylor," she said quietly but firmly. Mike looked as though he were about to say something when he looked behind Jamie and noticed the policeman. He shrugged his shoulders and stepped aside and the four walked inside. Nick glared at him as he walked past and Mike looked up and glared right back.

The officer stood close to the door watching Mike closely as Jamie and Kevin told Nick they would go up and get the things Taylor wanted.

Nick sat on the couch and looked at Mike, eyeing him fixedly. Physically, Nick noticed that he and Mike couldn't be more different. Mike was shorter, about five foot seven, with very short jet black hair and a goatee. He wasn't heavy but he wasn't skinny either, just average and not too muscular. Nick tried to figure out what it was about this seemingly average guy that had captured Taylor's heart in one moment and then had destroyed it in the next.

Mike was apparently giving Nick the same once-over, albeit with more malice. Standing with his arms crossed defensively over his chest, he stared back at Nick. "So, you're the little faggot that she's been cheating on me with huh?"

Ignoring him without losing eye contact, Nick leaned back on the couch and slowly ran his hand over the pillows laying beside him.

"I asked you a question, pretty boy," Mike laughed harshly as the officer continued to watch him. Mike made his way over to the bar against the wall and poured himself a drink. "What's the matter, Nick, is it? You can sing but you can't talk? Or is it that you don't really sing like they say?" He continued to laugh at his own jokes as Nick slowly stood up and walked over to Mike.

Standing directly behind Mike, Nick spoke softly but with an icy tone. "Did you know that she was carrying your baby when you beat the shit out of her?"

Knocking the glass over as he spun around to face Nick, Mike shouted at him, "You're lying, you little son of a bitch."

It was Nick's turn to snicker, "Guess you didn't know then, did you. Probably wouldn't have stopped you though." Nick turned away from Mike but kept talking. "Does it get you off to beat her up? Is it just Taylor? Or do you just like hitting women in general? Picking on those who can't or won't fight back?"

That was it for Mike. He moved to punch Nick but the officer, who had heard everything, was already there to grab his arms and pull them tightly behind his back. Mike wrestled with the officer trying to break free as Nick's laugh continued to taunt him.

The officer was getting tired of Mike's struggle and threw him on the floor face down. "Please, just give me a reason to throw you in jail. Even the scum down there don't like wife beaters."

Nick leaned down to Mike's level. "Yeah, Mike, is it?" he said mockingly. "I'm sure jail would do wonders for a 'pretty boy' like you." It was all Nick could do not to kick him in the face. He thought back to all the stories Taylor had relayed and the look on her face when she woke up in the hospital the day before. He stood back up when he heard Kevin and Jamie coming back down the stairs.

The officer let Mike go and they both stood up. Jamie and Kevin, both guessing exactly what had transpired between Mike and Nick, didn't even bother asking as they walked directly to the front door and out to the car. The officer followed them to the door while Mike and Nick still stood in close proximity. Before he got to the door the officer turned back and spoke to Nick. "If anyone asks, I didn't see a thing Mr. Carter."

Picking up exactly what the officer meant, Nick reared back and punched Mike right in the face just as the officer walked out the door. Mike went down as soon as Nick's fist connected. Shaking his hand out and looking at Mike on the floor, Nick got one more shot before he left. Pulling Mike up by the hair to look at him, he spoke softly but sternly. "As much as I hate that Taylor lost the baby, I'm just glad she doesn't have to have your child." And with that Nick walked out to the car, slamming the front door.

Taylor winced as she reached over to pick up the ringing phone. "Hello?" she said weakly.

"Taylor, baby, are you all right?" Mike asked sweetly, but got no response. "Is it true Taylor? Were you carrying our baby?" His voice was soft and she almost thought she heard remorse in it. She considered answering him but her strength to fight him and her strength to love him had both left a long time ago. Silent tears fell from her eyes and it took all she had left in order for her to say "Goodbye, Mike" and hang up the phone.

The ride back to the hospital was very tense. Jamie was still nervous about seeing Mike. That man struck fear in her although he had never made a move toward her. Kevin was worried about Jamie and held her hand tightly as he drove. Nick was the only one close to being content, but that wasn't the right word for it.

Nick finally broke the silence with a timid question. "Hey Jamie, do you know what Mike does for a living? Taylor never told me."

Jamie turned slightly back to look at Nick. "He's also a lawyer. Why?"

Nick shook his head, "No reason, just curious." It figures, he thought to himself. Even though he got some shots at Mike it didn't change what had happened to Taylor. Nothing Nick did could ever change that.

Jamie and Nick had gone to get some coffee, leaving Kevin to go into Taylor's room. He walked in and noticed that she wasn't there. He looked around and then laid Taylor's belongings at the foot of her bed. When Jamie and Nick came in a few minutes later and didn't see Taylor, they looked at Kevin for an answer. He simply shrugged and took one of the cups from Nick's hands.

Jamie was quick to make a guess as to where Taylor was. "Maybe she went to take a shower or something?"

A voice came from behind her, answering all of their questions. "Actually, they took her down to x-ray and to run a few tests." Jamie turned to look at the nurse who had come in to change the linens and straighten up the room. "Oh, thank you."

"Dr. Leyland wanted to talk to you all when you got back. I just paged him so he should be here in a few minutes."

"Is there something wrong?" Jamie asked.

"I don't really know, you'll have to talk to Dr. Leyland." Just as the nurse said this, he appeared in the doorway. "Why don't you all come down to my office so we can talk in private."

The three followed Dr. Leyland out of the room without a word, each wondering what else could go wrong in Taylor's life. Once seated in his office, Dr. Leyland explained that while they were gone, Taylor had attempted to get out of bed but was unable to move her legs. He had ordered x-rays, an MRI and some blood tests to see if they could find a medical reason.

"Her paralysis appears to start about mid thigh and continues down. The fact that she has feeling and control of her hips is a good sign, since a lower back injury serious enough to cause this type of paralysis would normally result in loss of feeling from the waist down," he explained.

Jamie asked cautiously, "Do you have any ideas as to what may have caused this?"

Dr. Leyland shook his head, "Honestly, I can't think of any medical reason that would cause this to happen. Physically, her injuries were not serious enough to cause paralysis. There is a remote possibility that falling down the stairs may have done some nerve damage that we didn't catch before, but I seriously doubt it. We gave her a very thorough exam when she was brought in."

Now it was Nick's turn to interrupt. "So if there isn't a medical reason, why is she paralyzed?"

"Well, my theory is that it is psychological. Taylor seems very depressed and she’s withdrawing, closing herself off from the rest of the world. This attempt to mentally shut down and shield herself from everything could be manifesting itself physically. Basically, her mind is going to try and shut her body down."

"Why would she shut down like that? I don't understand. She's getting away from Mike, shouldn't that make her feel better?" Kevin asked.

"Well, it's not that simple. Abusive situations are very difficult when the person being abused has endured it for longer periods of time. Once they have left the situation, there is a void for them psychologically. They have spent so much time walking on egg shells, so to speak, that they don't relate well to 'normal' situations anymore. It becomes a habit for them to be afraid of their abuser and to some extent it's comforting to them."

"Yeah, I'm sure it was comforting wondering when he was going to smack her around again," Nick mused sarcastically.

"I know it sounds strange Mr. Carter, but imagine that fear is all you have had to cling to for two years. Mentally, Taylor trained herself to believe that was how it was supposed to be, that it was normal for her to feel fear, that she deserved to be abused. Like any other scenario, Taylor is going to have a hard time adjusting to a different situation."

"Okay, I can almost buy that but what I don't get is her personality away from Mike." Nick and Jamie looked surprised as Kevin spoke about Taylor with a greater insight than either of them had at that moment. "I know I haven't known her that long, but from what I have seen and from what Jamie has told me over the past year or so Taylor just doesn't seem like the kind of person who would let something like this go on, or even get into a situation like this. She always seemed independent and headstrong and I don't see how Mike managed to get control over her like he did. She never acted as if she were abused."

"Well, Mr. Richardson, that is very astute of you. But this is a very complicated thing. I know exactly what you mean about Taylor's outward personality. To most of the world she is a strong and confident attorney and therein lies the answer. From what I gather Taylor has always had to be the strong one, whether in her own life, her career, or with respect to her family. She has never gotten the chance to let someone be strong for her. My guess is that once she felt comfortable enough with Mike to actually let him into her world, she succumbed to his control as a break from her own. Does that make any sense?" Kevin nodded, attempting to process what the doctor had just said.

"In any event," Dr. Leyland continued, "we need to wait and see what the x-rays and tests say before we make any medical decisions. I am going to talk to her about the possibility of starting on anti-depressants, I think that would help her in the long run. In the meantime however, arrangements need to be made for Taylor's release and care. I hope that you all are ready to take on some responsibility for her, she is going to need a lot of help both physically and mentally."

The battery of tests Dr. Leyland had ordered for Taylor would take several hours to complete so the three of them decided to go back to the hotel and relax. Jamie laughingly suggested that Nick could really use a shower so he no longer would offend Taylor or anyone else at the hospital. He looked at her and pouted. She reached back and ruffled his hair.

Everyone seemed lost in their own thoughts on the drive back to the hotel. Obviously Taylor's new condition changed everything and the responsibility of taking care of her was greater than ever. Jamie thought about taking Taylor back to Cincinnati with her. It would be several weeks before she moved to Florida and she still had a million things to do between now and then.

"I'll be at the office too much, I can't leave her alone. She'd be moving twice, that couldn't be good. She needs stability and constant care. Damnit, I'm not sure I'm up to this. What do I do?" she thought to herself. Right now, taking care of Taylor was the most important thing to Jamie, but she wondered if it simply would be better if the guys took her to Florida with them.

Kevin was also wondering the same things. Being the most detached from the situation gave him a more objective and realistic opinion on everything. He could tell that Jamie was torn between getting her life together and taking care of Taylor. He also knew that he wasn't prepared to take care of her, at least not by himself. And while Nick appeared to want the responsibility, Kevin wasn't sure if Nick would be able to handle it either.

The shrill ring of his cell phone shook him from his thoughts. "Yeah?"

"Nice greeting," said the raspy voice on the other end. "How's Taylor?"

"Hey Bone, ummm, she's okay I guess. . .She was beat up pretty bad but nothing that won't heal." 'At least I hope so,' he thought to himself while listening to AJ speak. "No, I don't think anyone really knows we're here. We haven't had any problems so far. Honestly, I'm not sure what's gonna happen. Listen, I'm in the car right now, we're going back to the hotel, so let me call you back in a bit, alright? Yeah, tell the guys we're fine and tell your mom thanks for taking care of things. . . Okay bro, yeah I will, see ya."

Kevin glanced down at Jamie who was leaning her head on his shoulder. "AJ said to give you a hug from him, and that should you need anything. . ."

Jamie smiled, "He's still trying to take me away from you, eh?"

Kevin snickered, "Yeah, like that's gonna happen," and kissed the top of her head, then focused back on the road.

Nick blinked his eyes to peer through the pouring rain. He looked around aimlessly, not even certain where he was or what he was searching for. He heard the screams and the rustle of the leaves off to his left. Standing up, he felt the cold rain beating into his skin and chilling him to the bone. Turning toward the voice he did his best to push aside the brush and move in that direction. The trees and the vines were thick, making his trek a slow one. The sound was piercing, like something a dying animal would emit as it bled to death slowly and painfully. Nick shivered at the sound but he couldn't resist following his ears to the source. Suddenly the brush opened up to a clearing and he saw her. Taylor was sitting there, holding her knees to her chest and screaming bloody murder.

Instantly Nick starting running to her. As he got closer, he tried to speak, to say her name, to let her know he was there. Nothing came out, he had no voice and he couldn't hear anything except her screams. Suddenly she looked up at him with an indescribable fear in her eyes. He reached out to her but she scurried away from his touch like a frightened animal. Stumbling to her feet, she moved away from Nick, walking backwards to keep an eye on him. She kept her hands in front of her as if to warn him to stay away. He kept going though, he had to get to her, to hold her, to tell her everything would be alright. He had to.

Nick blinked and ran his hand over his face to wipe the rain from his eyes. When he looked up, she was gone. The screaming had started again and he could see her figure running toward the edge of the clearing. As Nick ran after her he heard his heartbeat in his ears and the blood pumping through his veins; the noise was deafening. Moments later, he stopped a few feet from Taylor. She had stopped running and stopped screaming as she stood facing away from him. He could see just in front of Taylor where the edge of the grass stopped and the ledge of the cliff began.

Again he reached out to touch her but it was as if something was pulling him back so he couldn't get close enough. She turned to face him. The fear in her eyes was gone and she appeared calm and collected despite the rain pouring down on them both. He couldn't touch her and he couldn't speak to her and he was dying inside. She looked up at him and smiled slightly. "I love you Nick and I want to thank you for trying to help me. You'll never know how much you meant to me. There's nothing you can do to help me now, but trust that I'll be fine." With those words she turned back to the cliff and disappeared over the edge. He lunged forward but couldn't get to her in time. He watched helplessly as she fell into the blackness below.

Nick's own scream woke him from the dream as he bolted upright in bed, covered in sweat and mangled sheets. The salty sting on his lips made it obvious that he had been crying, and his muscles ached as if he'd been in a fight. He sat on the bed with his head in his hands, trying to calm himself. Finally he got up and went to take a shower, thankful that Kevin and Jamie had already gone back to the hospital and weren't there to see him like this.

Kevin and Jamie lay cuddled on the couch in Taylor's room, half-asleep, waiting for her to wake up. She was exhausted when they brought her back to her room and the doctor had given her a sedative to relax her.

Jamie sat up a little when she heard Taylor stir in her sleep. Kevin released her and she got up off the couch. Taylor's head tossed back and forth violently and soft whines escaped her lips. She was mumbling 'no, no, no.' Her arms were thrashing at the sheets as both Jamie and Kevin approached her bed. Just as Jamie reached out to try to wake her, a morbid calm swept over her and she looked peaceful again. Her eyes opened and she looked curiously at Jamie and Kevin, as if trying to figure out just where she was.

"Are you okay Tails? You looked like you were having a nightmare," Jamie said as she brushed the sweaty hair off of Taylor's forehead.

"Yeah, I'm fine," was all she said as she closed her eyes and went back to sleep. Jamie and Kevin looked at each other, worry apparent in each other's eyes.

Nick emerged from his shower feeling better but still shaken. His dream had frightened him, and while he ordinarily didn't believe in dreams and their meanings, Nick couldn't shake the bad feeling he had about this one. He picked up the phone and quickly punched in some numbers.

"Hey, it's Nick. . . I'm okay, I guess. . .Physically? She's doing okay I guess, but psychologically. . .I want to be there for her so badly, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. . .Yeah, I know. . .that I can handle, physically taking care of her isn't the problem. . .I just want her to let me in. . .You know I appreciate you listening to me. . .I just need someone who isn't so involved with all of this, ya know?. . .it means a lot to me. . .no, they're at the hospital right now. . .I really do love her, honestly. . .I'm just not sure that's going to be enough." The conversation ended and he returned the phone to its cradle. His second phone call was to the hospital to check on Taylor's status.

Nick stared into the mirror hanging on the opposite wall and pondered the situation. He knew Taylor needed him, almost as much as he needed her. Did he have enough fight left to get through to her? He exhaled deeply and decided to get dressed and head back to the hospital.

"Wait for me, I'm almost there. Just hold on a little longer. . ."

Just as Dr. Leyland had speculated, Taylor's test results revealed no medical reason for her paralysis. But knowing that didn't help matters any. Taylor still could not get up out of the bed on her own. The doctor kept her in the hospital for a few more days, making sure Taylor was healed enough to travel. Her fractures and bruises were healing nicely, due in part to her inability to move around much and aggravate them.

Her state of mind, however, was not on the mend. Apathetic. Listless. These were the only words that could describe Taylor at this point. Taylor allowed the others to decide what should happen to her once she left the hospital. It wasn't because she wanted them to, but because it was easier that way. She didn't care, it was as simple as that, so she let them plan.

Nick shamelessly took full advantage of her attitude. He doted on Taylor every chance he could and while she wasn't outwardly hostile to him, she wasn't exactly a bright ray of sunshine either. It was hard, but Nick accepted responsibility with a curious combination of his normal childlike exuberance and a Kevin-ish serious mien. Kevin and Jamie were both amused and amazed by Nick, and he knew it. Although he enjoyed surprising his older "brother and sister," he wasn't doing this for them. He was doing it for Taylor and he had no intention of letting her suffer anymore than she already had.

And she was suffering, whether she consciously accepted it or not. Psychologically, Taylor was looking for something to hold on to. Kevin and the doctor had been right when they said that Taylor lost her "comfort zone." As bad as Mike had been, at least her life with him had some shred of certainty. Now, with Mike out of her life, she was feeling lost, and she had no one to turn to. Nick was there ready to help her, but apathetic or no, she wasn't really ready to turn to him either. She simply existed, and waited.

Reluctantly, Jamie and Kevin had to return to Cincinnati and Orlando, respectively, leaving Nick to care for Taylor alone. They had finally given in, agreeing that Nick had a point – since he was going to be taking care of her for a while anyway, why not start now?

Kevin had been summoned back to Orlando to deal with some technical problems the production staff was having. And Jamie was in the middle of tying up her life in Cincinnati to move to Florida, and she still had responsibilities of her own that needed to be dealt with. While both of them were sad to leave each other, and Taylor, they were curious to see how the situation between Nick and Taylor played out.

Jamie opened the door to Taylor's room, dropped her duffel bag just inside the door and crossed over to Taylor's side. Nick was sitting on the bed with Taylor, holding her hand and talking to her. When Jamie reached them, Nick smiled at her, leaned over to kiss Taylor, then got up and walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

"Tails? I just came to say goodbye." Taylor, who had been staring blankly at the ceiling, shifted her gaze to Jamie. Her expression was dull, and she had trouble meeting Jamie's eyes.

Jamie reached for her hand. "Taylor? It won't be long, I promise. I will be in Orlando in a couple of weeks. And then, everything will all go the way we've planned. You'll be fine, we'll get a house and start our practice, and. . ." she trailed off as Taylor returned her gaze to the ceiling. Swallowing hard, Jamie tried again, "I would take you with me if I could, I'm not abandoning you. I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone, and I don't think moving you to Cincinnati only to go to Florida a few weeks later is what's best." Silence. "Taylor? Please say something." Jamie's eyes sank to the floor.

"It's okay," Taylor said softly as she lightly squeezed Jamie's hand. "It's okay."

Kevin had left earlier that day for Florida. Nick waited for Jamie in the waiting room so he could drive her to airport. In the car, Jamie quietly watched the cityscape pass by, wondering how long it would be until the real Taylor came back.

"Jamie?" Nick asked softly, not wanting to startle Jamie out of her thoughts.

"Hmmm?" She looked away from the window and towards Nick.

"Do you know much about Taylor's family?"

"Well, yeah, I guess so. Why?"

"She never talks about them to me," he said, disappointment in his voice. "I'm just wondering what they're like I guess."

"Well she had pretty much a normal family like everyone else. They weren't the Cleavers by any stretch but they were okay, I guess. They had problems just like you and me." Jamie paused for a second. "Her parents died a few years ago, her mom died first and then her dad about a year later. She has a sister who lives in Atlanta. And her sister has two kids, I think they're about your age."

"My age?" Nick was startled.

"Yeah, Taylor is the baby of the family; her parents were older when they had her. Mallory, her sister, is ten years older than Taylor. I think her niece Hayley is 20 and her nephew Carter is 19."

"She has a nephew named Carter?" Nick said, laughing.

Jamie giggled at this, "Yeah, I guess I never thought about that."

"Is she close to her sister and her kids?"

"I know she keeps in touch, but honestly, I don't know how close they've been the past couple years."

"Did Mike keep them apart?"

Jamie looked at Nick, surprised. "That's a good question. I guess I never really thought about that either. Maybe he did."

"Was she close to her parents?"

"Yeah she was pretty close. Her parents were very nice, a little odd at times, but pretty cool," Jamie said, remembering Taylor's parents fondly. "So what's with all the questions, Nicky? Haven't you and Taylor talked about your families?"

"No, she never did. I guess I just assumed she was an only child, because if we talked about family it was usually mine."

"No, Taylor has family. She loves them but there are times she acts like Aphrodite."

"Aphrodite?" Nick asked, clearly confused. "What the hell are you talking about, Jaim?"

"Oops sorry, you're blond, I forgot about that for a second," Jamie said, looking over at Nick who mock-pouted. "I'm just kidding, Nicky. I was referring to the Greek myth, where Aphrodite, the goddess of love, appears to the Greeks from the sea. All I mean is that she sometimes acts as if she just appeared on Earth with no ties to anyone else, no family at all. It's sometimes disconcerting when she suddenly does mention them. Why, did she say something about them to you lately?"

"No, but I was wondering if there was anyone else who should know about her," Nick said seriously. "Maybe we should call her sister and let her know what's going on. Maybe seeing her would help Taylor open up a little. What do you think?"

"I don't know Nicky, maybe. It might, it might not. I do know that something has to get through to her, I just don't know exactly what that is." Nick nodded and fell silent. Jamie stared thoughtfully at Nick for a moment longer, then turned to look out the window again.

Nick and Jamie shared a quiet good-bye once they reached the airport. Each tried to reassure the other that Taylor would be okay, and each tried desperately to believe it.

Nick and Taylor left for Tampa three days later, and things seemed to calm down for them. Although Taylor was still depressed and distant, she seemed to settle into a routine. Her passive demeanor continued, but the doctor had assured Nick that she would come around eventually, she just needed time.

Nick hired a full time nurse/physical therapist for Taylor. She was there during the day to take care of Taylor and left when Nick came home from the studio at night. Knowing Taylor loved the living room of his house as much as he did, Nick had all the necessary therapy equipment and a suitable bed set up in there. Although she really didn't take all that much from her and Mike's house, most of Taylor's things had been put in storage in Orlando until Jamie got there.

Knowing that Nick had his hands full at home, the others did their best to help out and kept the long hours to a minimum. They were all very supportive and each tried to make time to stop by and see Taylor, especially AJ. He stopped by almost every other day, bringing stories or little gifts to try and help lift her spirits. Everyone was worried about Taylor, except Taylor.

Nick sank wearily into his bed. It had been a week since he and Taylor returned to Florida but he was already exhausted, more mentally than physically. He was getting a little scared from constantly seeing the blank look in her eyes. On a good day, she said maybe ten words to him. On a bad day, she wouldn't talk at all and refused to look at anyone. Today had been one of the bad days. The nurse said that Taylor had refused her therapy and spent the day staring at the ceiling in the living room. He spent a futile evening trying to get her to eat something, to watch television with him, even just to look at him. Nothing, no response.

Nick looked at his watch, it was almost midnight. Not really too late to call, he thought. The machine picked up after a few rings, but Nick hung up. He didn't need to leave a message, he needed someone to talk to. As he put the phone back in its cradle, he heard a faint voice from downstairs.

"Nick. . ." He stopped and listened for it again, thinking he was imagining things. A minute later the small sound came again. "Nick?. . ." It was Taylor, and she was calling for him. He raced down the stairs and into the living room. Almost tripping over a bag on the floor, he stumbled into the room and saw Taylor struggling to sit up in bed.

"Hey, easy. What's wrong baby? Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly.

"I. . .can you do something for me?" she whispered.

"Anything. What is it?" He didn't come any closer to her, but remained standing in the doorway. He was almost afraid to get too close, afraid he would scare her and she would retreat into silence.

She spoke softly and calmly. "I want to listen to some music," she paused, trying to remember, "do you know if we brought the box with my CDs here or is it in storage?" Her voice had a ragged edge to it, brought on by days of silence.

"I think it's upstairs in the guestroom, I'll go get it for you." He left before she could answer him.

A minute later Nick returned again, breathing as if he'd just run a marathon. Taylor looked at him and he motioned to her with the box in his hands. She nodded as if to give him permission to come closer to her. He inched forward until he was by her bedside and laid the box gently in her lap.

Taylor squinted as she looked through the box, trying hard to read the titles in the dim light. She looked up at Nick and quietly asked if he could turn the lamp on for a moment. He did as she asked and after blinking for a moment, she found the CD she was searching for.

She held it out toward Nick and he carefully reached out to take it from her. "Number 10," he heard her say as he turned to put the disc in the player. After adjusting the volume to what he hoped was an appropriate level, he moved back and switched off the lamp.

The smooth opening strands of an orchestra floated into the room and Nick watched as Taylor closed her eyes and smiled softly for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. Winds and strings gleefully filled the room, dancing with one another and daring anyone listening not to play with them. Nick felt as though he were intruding on something private for Taylor and decided to leave her alone. As he reached the doorway he heard her voice above the music, asking him to stay.

He walked back to her bed, and Nick saw in her eyes a glimmer of the person he once knew, a speck of the person he'd fallen in love with. He moved the box of CDs carefully to the floor and climbed onto the foot of the bed. He sat cross legged while Taylor was propped up on pillows, her hands resting carelessly on her lap, fingers moving in time to the melody.

The music softened as the winds and brass faded into the background. A piano crescendoed to a peak and then stopped, paving the way for the lone clarinet to begin its journey through the piece.

"What is this?" Nick asked, boldly yet gently taking one of Taylor's hands into his own.

"Mozart's Clarinet Concerto." Nick smiled with her as she spoke about the music. As they listened to each movement, Taylor explained what the music was trying to convey, what Mozart had intended. It was obvious that this was a special piece for Taylor as she continued describing it to him.

She had been in her high school orchestra, and had performed this concerto, featured as the soloist. At the time, music was her escape, the place she went to get away from life. After high school, time and circumstance had prevented her from playing as much as she would have liked, but listening to that piece always brought her serenity and allowed her to escape again. This time was no exception, she was calmer now, content to just be there, content to just be with Nick.

The moon splashed shadows whimsically around the room and Nick was reminded of the first night they shared in this room, the night they became friends, the night they shared their secrets and fears without revealing the reality of them.

Slowly, Nick stretched out until he had carefully wrapped Taylor in his arms. She snuggled into his gentle embrace. As the music faded, they drifted off to sleep.

Music really does heal the soul. Nick awoke the next morning to find Taylor resting comfortably in the crook of his shoulder, watching him sleep. When his eyes met hers, she smiled for the first time in weeks, turned and kissed Nick's chest, and whispered, "Good morning, Nick."

Stunned, he said the first thing that came to mind, "Oh my God. . ."

". . .I'm back again," she laughed. The horrible pun didn't even register on Nick's radar; he just laid there slack-jawed. Although she was still hoarse, she laughed again, reveling in the sound. "Nick? Are you alright?"

He shook his head, "Am I dreaming? Taylor?"

She pinched him, and he yelped. "Nope, not dreaming, Nick. You're wide awake, and so am I."

"But. . how. . .why now?" he stammered.

"I have no idea." She shrugged, "You seem shocked. Do you want me to go back to the way I was yesterday, and the day before that?" She smirked, "Is that what you want?"

"God, no! Taylor, I just. . .I don't understand," he said softly.

The confusion in his eyes did not go unnoticed by Taylor and she cupped his face lightly, reassuringly running her thumb over his cheek. "I'm not sure I understand either, Nick. All I know is the doctor told me that the anti-depressants would take some time to work." She giggled, "I guess they just kicked into overdrive this morning."

"So, does this mean that you're back to normal?" Nick questioned.

"Honestly, I'm not sure." Taylor paused and contemplated telling Nick more about what she had been thinking about the past few days and why she thought this was happening.

"It doesn't really matter though, I guess." Nick smiled and kissed her nose. "As long as you're back for now, that's all I care about." He started to get up from the bed and Taylor pulled him back down to face her.

"Nick, I feel like I need to tell you some things, about me, about my family. I feel like I owe you at least some explanation."

"Taylor, you don't owe me anything," he said as he tipped her chin up to look at him, "but if and when you need to talk then I'm ready to listen, okay?"

Taylor shook her head and continued quietly, "My mom was like this ya know, pretty much as far back as I can remember."

"Like what?"

"Depressed, withdrawn, just weirded out a lot of times. And my sister has had bouts with depression too. I guess I just denied that it would ever affect me."

Nick gave a sarcastic smirk, "You? Denial? You're joking, right?" Taylor laughed and playfully smacked him on the arm.

"I know, I know. I'm a control freak, so sue me." Her eyes closed as she brought back some rather unpleasant memories. "There was this one time, I was maybe 11 or 12. Dad was off somewhere, doing who knows what, and Mom decided that she needed to take a week off from life. The only thing that mattered to her then was her sleeping pills. She didn't get out of bed for the entire week."

"God, what did you do?" Nick was appalled.

Taylor pinched the bridge of her nose as if she were holding back the tears. "I just went on like nothing was wrong. I went to school, did my homework, went grocery shopping, cooked and cleaned. I guess I just kind of ignored what was going on, or maybe it was that I just didn't understand what it was at the time."

"Where was your sister?"

"She was living in Colorado by then. . .wait, how do you know about Mallory?"

"Jamie and I talked about her just before Jaim left Oklahoma City. I was just curious, I hope you. . ."

"No, it's alright. I guess I just kind of, I don't know, didn't think it was that important," she shrugged.

"You have a nephew named after me and it's not important?" Nick laughed. She thought for a minute, then grinned up at him.

"You mean Carter? Wow, I guess I never thought about that. Speaking of them, I probably should call and let them know where I am, not that they'd worry too much."

"Why do you say that about your sister?" he asked.

"Well, I'm kind of the black sheep in the family," she said jokingly. "I'm the one who would up and move and change my whole life at any given moment. It won't shock them that I'm in Florida."

"Tell you what, we've got the day off today so why don't you call your sister and then we'll get ready and go house hunting for you and Jamie. How's that sound?"

"Trying to get rid of me I see," she teased and duplicated one of his pouty looks.

"NO! That's not it at all, I swear." Nick looked at her sheepishly, then laughed at the expression on her face. "I would love to keep you here. . . permanently," he said lifting an inquisitive eyebrow at Taylor, "but I just don't want to pressure you and I know how much Jamie is looking forward to you guys living together again."

Taylor lost the pout, slightly taken aback by Nick's suggestion. "I don't know if I'm ready for. . ." she began.

"No pressure, Taylor, no pressure," Nick said quickly. "That's why I suggested looking for a house, okay? I'm gonna wait for you, I'll wait forever if I have to."

Taylor called Mallory and they talked for a while, and she even talked to Carter and Hayley. They all offered to come down and see her but she refused. They decided that when she felt up to it, Taylor would go to Atlanta for a visit.

House hunting was kind of like deep sea fishing with meal worms for bait. Nick had all of these huge wonderful houses to show Taylor and she of course thought some of them were great. The problem was that she and Jamie had very different tastes in everything, not just houses. They needed to find a place that was somewhere in between the very plain, casual look Taylor wanted and the fancier, nouveau style she knew Jamie would prefer.

After looking at the eighth house of the day, and the sixteenth time Nick had to situate her and her wheelchair back in the truck, she finally took pity on him. "I think it's time to go home Nick, I'm tired and I know you have to be exhausted."

He stretched and pretended to yawn and then smirked at her. "No, really, I'm fine."

Taylor smiled wearily at him, "Great, but let's go home anyway."

"I'm sorry, I guess I forgot you're not used to this," he apologized.

"It's okay. I'm tired and hungry, and it's a long drive back to Tampa."

So they went back to Nick's house, picking up take-out Chinese on the way. The two spent the rest of the evening eating and talking and laughing at and with each other. It was nice to have the old Taylor back again.

The next week seem to fly by for everyone. All of the guys had come over to see Taylor and they were just as happy as Nick that she was getting back to her old self. Kevin, Nick and Taylor spent an entire evening on the speakerphone talking to Jamie. She was very happy to hear that things were going well but still a little bummed that she couldn't be there to help.

Brian and Leighanne even came over for dinner one night and the four of them ended up playing Trivial Pursuit. To make it fair, the three of them played against Taylor and no one was surprised when she won. She of course was quick to point out that although she was pretty good at the game there was one person whom she could rarely beat – Jamie, the Queen of Useless Information. Nick made a mental note to never play a trivia game with Jamie.

At the end of the week, Taylor had an appointment with a doctor in Orlando for a check up. Nick decided that she needed to get out of the house for the day and go with him to the studio, then he would leave early and go to the doctor with her. She agreed, forgetting, of course how early he was supposed to be at the studio.

Nick crept down the stairs at 5:30am to find Taylor sleeping like a baby. She was curled up as much as possible, hands tucked under her face, face tucked half under a pillow. He laughed softly and decided he had better start some coffee before he actually attempted to wake her up.

Armed with a steaming cup of strong black coffee, Nick slowly approached her bed. "Taylor?. . ." he said softly as he set the cup on the end table. Nothing. "Taylor?. . ." he said a little louder. Still nothing. He perched precariously on the edge of the bed and reached for her shoulder as he called to her again. "Taylor honey, we have to get up. We're supposed to be at the studio by 7:30." Again, nothing. He sighed and decided to use Plan B.

Leaning down close to her ear he started whispering to her. "Taylor, sweetie. . ." he said as his hand slowly smoothed over the back of her neck and across her shoulder. "It's time to wake up. . .if you get up I'll give you a present." By now his hand had slid back up her neck and into her hair, gently massaging along the way.

Wait, there it was. She moved. It was slight, but he knew she had moved. The pillow was no longer covering her face and a coy smile played on her lips. He was pretty sure she was awake and playing along, but he needed to be certain.

His whispering tone changed from pleading to sensual as he leaned closer and moved his hand down her back. "Don't you want to know what your present is?"

A moment later she moved again as he heard her mumble, "Mmmmm, hmmmmm."

"I'll give you your present but you have to wake up first.

She stretched and her eyes flitted open, adjusting to the dim light in the room. She yawned and started to speak before she finished the yawn, resulting in that muffled, incoherent, deep tunnel voice. "But I was having the best dream."

Nick was still leaning over her, "What was the dream about?"

A playful smirk crossed her lips and she reached up to pull him closer, her turn to whisper in his ear. "I'll make a deal with you." Nick laughed, knowing better than to make any deals with any lawyer, even Taylor. "I'll show you what I was dreaming. . ." she said slowly, letting her breath warm the side of his neck, so close that he could feel her lips on his earlobe, "if you let me go back to sleep afterwards."

Nick moaned and turned his head to capture Taylor's mouth with his. Their first passionate kiss in what seemed like forever and they both reveled in the moment. Finally, Nick pulled away and looked in her eyes as he carefully swept the hair from her forehead. "You don't play very fair, Taylor." She just looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and a 'who me?' expression. "And as much as I would love to find out what you were dreaming about. . . No dice, time to get up." He said as he quickly got up from the bed and moved away, honestly expecting to be smacked or, at the very least, hit with a pillow.

Instead, Taylor just glared at him. "You, Mr. Carter. . .are so not my friend anymore." Attempting to reconcile, he lifted the coffee cup toward her, gesturing with it as a peace offering. She carefully took the cup and sipped some, closing her eyes as she felt the warm liquid slide into her stomach. Eventually, she looked back up at Nick who, from what he felt was a safe distance, was intently watching her every move. "Coffee, or no coffee, I hate mornings and you're still not my friend."

Nick laughed, convinced she was awake enough, and turned to go take his shower. "I'll be down in 20 minutes to help you get up and get a shower."

Taylor snickered as she thought to herself, if you help me get a shower, you're gonna be late for the studio anyway. . .

They arrived at the studio thirty minutes late, but only because there was a traffic accident on I-4 East, leading into Orlando. Taylor was set up in the control room while they worked on their music. Nick periodically looked up from the sheets of music in front of him to see Taylor swaying along in time to their voices or engrossed in conversation with the engineers. They made eye contact a few times, and each time Taylor smiled then waved both of her hands, palms down, in a shooing motion, and mouthed, "Get back to work!"

Everyone knew Taylor was close to returning to normal when, during one of the playbacks, she fiddled with the controls. The Backstreet Boys' newest song came out sounding like it had been recorded by The Chipmunks. Everyone burst into laughter except Kevin. He turned around, scowled at Taylor, and barked into the microphone, "Don't do that! Chris, keep her hands off the board!"

Taylor merely flipped the switch so that they now sounded like Barry White. "Any better?" she asked innocently. Again, everyone else laughed.

Kevin just shook his head and said, "God, you are Jamie's friend. I think Nick needs to take you to the doctor now, right?" Nick looked at his watch.

"Yeah, guess I do. Be back in about 20. . . want me to pick up some pizza or something?"

Howie chuckled, "Kaos, are you hungry again? We had lunch an hour ago!"

Nick grinned, "Hey, can't help it. . .hard work makes me hungry. And this is hard. You know how I am. I'll just bring back a small pizza." With that, he left the recording booth to go into the control room, and scooped up his wallet and keys off a chair in the corner where he left them. He and Taylor left the studio ten minutes later.

The others decided it was a good time for a break, so Brian, Howie and AJ wandered outside to get some sunshine while Kevin stayed in the control room to work on mixing the last part they recorded.

A cell phone rang about five minutes later. Kevin looked around after realizing it wasn't his and saw Nick's phone lying on the chair. He reached for it, switched it on, and said "Hello?"

A female voice replied, "Hey sweetie, it's me. I saw your number on the caller ID last night, and I was just calling you back. . ."

Kevin broke in, "Um, sorry, but I'm not Nick. He's not here right now, can I give him a message?"

"Oh, umm. . .I'll just call him later, thanks."

"You want to give me your name so I can tell him who's calling at least?"

"Oh, no. No, I'll just call later," and she quickly got off the phone. Kevin hung up, slightly confused. The voice sounded a little familiar but he couldn't place it. It was probably just one of Nick's sisters. Kevin chuckled as he wondered what kind of Carter family crisis was brewing now.

Taylor rested her head against the door of Nick's truck as he drove. The afternoon had been exhausting for her, in several ways. Nick had brought her into the doctor's office, apologizing for not being able to stay with her. Taylor reassured him that it was fine, she understood that he had work to do, and she didn't want anyone to be around anyway while the doctor examined her. She promised him that she would call the studio as soon as she was finished with the appointment. He looked down at her, trying to determine if she was fine or not. She caught his appraisal, and told him that she was okay and ordered him to go back to the studio. He smiled sheepishly at her, leaned down for a quick kiss, then loped out of the waiting room. Taylor shook her head, then began flipping through the magazine while waiting for the doctor, trying to ignore the curious stares from the other people in the room.

An hour and a half later, Taylor decided that perhaps being stared at was a lot easier to deal with than the torture being inflicted upon her. The doctor had examined her, and determined that she needed to see an orthopedist. She was sent down to the basement – an appropriate place to keep "the torture chamber,"Taylor thought – and met with a young perky woman who claimed to be the orthopedist. Taylor detested perpetually perky people, and the fact that this woman was still smiling and encouraging Taylor while doing a muscle atrophy test only reinforced that belief.

Taylor was guided between two parallel bars, roughly waist high, and was helped out of the wheelchair. She stood there, bracing herself up on the bars, while the orthopedist pulled, pushed, twisted and turned her legs, trying to see if there was any damage done to the leg muscles from the weeks of nonuse. Taylor gritted her teeth and concentrated on staying upright, focusing on her arms and the bars rather than the incessant chatter of the orthopedist. Come on legs, one good kick and I'm sure she'll shut up. . . please, just work with me here, people! I can't take this anymore. . . she thought.

Just as her arms gave out, the doctor was finished with her examination. Breathing hard, Taylor allowed herself to be placed back into the chair, and taken back upstairs to the doctor's office. The good news was that her legs were in decent shape, and very little atrophy had occurred. The bad news was that she still had to endure physical therapy everyday for an hour at a time, and that the doctor honestly couldn't give her a timeframe of when she might regain the use of her legs.

Back in the waiting room, she asked the nurse if she could use the phone to call the studio. The nurse slid the phone across the counter, and listened as Taylor asked for Nick, then spoke to him about coming to get her. She hung up the phone and was about to thank the nurse, when the nurse asked her, "Did you just call Nick Carter?"

Hesitant, Taylor answered, "Yes."

"The Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter?"

"Um, yeah." The nurse got a dreamy look on her face.

"You're related to him?"

"No." The look left the nurse's face and was replaced with a frown.

"How do you know him?"

"We're friends," Taylor said shortly. She didn't like being interrogated like this, didn't want to have this conversation, but just wanted to wheel herself outside and wait for her ride.

The nurse gave Taylor a pitying once over look and then her tone turned condescending. "Aren't you a little old to be his. . .friend?" Taylor didn't miss the pause, the raised eyebrow, skeptical look or the implication the nurse made.

"I'm sorry, I'm new to Florida, I don't know the local laws all that well. Is there an age requirement for friendship in this state?" she asked archly. The nurse was taken aback, surprised that Taylor caught her attempt at subtlety.

"N. . .no," she stammered under Taylor's gaze. Taylor continued to glare at the woman, who was relieved when another patient came up to the desk to check in. She excused herself hurriedly, and left Taylor.

The black look never left Taylor's face as she turned the chair around abruptly, and wheeled herself out of the office and downstairs to wait outside for Nick. He noticed her expression when he pulled up in front of the medical center.

"Is everything all right? Did the doctor say when you'd be back to normal?" he asked as he lifted her out of the chair and into the passenger side of the truck. She didn't answer him as he folded the chair and stowed it in the back, then walked around the car and slid into the driver's seat.

As soon as the door closed, he asked again, "What happened?" Taylor briefly explained the doctor's visit, leaving out the conversation with the nurse. As she finished, she noticed that instead of returning to the studio as she expected, Nick was driving on the highway back to Tampa.

"Where are you going? Don't you still have work to do?"

"Nope, we finished early today. Kevin thought you might be exhausted after the doctor was through with you, and didn't want you waiting around while we worked. So we called it a day, and he told me to take you home."

Taylor raised an eyebrow, "Kevin told you to stop working? You're kidding? He actually said those words in reference to the five of you?"

"Yeah he did, although he also said he didn't want you playing with the mixing board again. He was afraid you might get restless and do something to our tape," Nick grinned.

"Ah hah! The truth comes out," she said lightly. "Kev now has something to worry about. Maybe I'll just edit him out of the song next time!" Nick laughed.

"Great, just give our fans something to complain about. You know there's a bunch of them convinced that we are conspiring as it is to keep Kevin from singing on the albums. Could you not give them more ammo, please?" Taylor just smiled up at him, then rested her forehead against the door once more, and closed her eyes.

"Hey! Don't fall asleep on me!"

"I'm not, I promise. It's just been a long afternoon."

"I can imagine. Are you hungry at all? Do you want to go somewhere for dinner?"

She opened her eyes again, "Yeah, I am a little bit hungry. Did you have something in mind?"

"You like seafood right?" She nodded, and Nick said, "Great! There's this little place I know that has fresh seafood, it's just incredible. Sound good to you?"

Taylor nodded again, so Nick drove them to this restaurant just north of Tampa, right on the Gulf. Taylor had a bemused look on her face as they followed the hostess out to the wooden deck to a table right near the railing. The dark green umbrella over the table fluttered gaily in the slight breeze.

After the waiter came by and took their orders, Taylor half-smiled and asked, "'Little place,' eh? Somehow this is not what I pictured when you talked about getting seafood. This is a little fancier than I expected." She looked down at her clothes, then over at Nick.

"I'm afraid to ask what you expected," said Nick.

"I don't know, but certainly nothing that screams 'take-a-date-and-have-a-nice-quiet-maybe-romantic-dinner,'" she said.

Nick leaned over and picked up her hand. "And does this place do that?"

"You know it does, Nickolas."

"Ooh, my full name," he chuckled, while she shook her head. "But is that such a bad thing, Taylor?"

"Not normally, but. . ."

"But what?" Nick had a very serious look on his face. "What's wrong?"

Taylor was silent for a while. Finally, she said softly, "Nick, you couldn't possibly want this kind of setting while you're with me."

"Why not? You know how I feel, I want to go out to nice places with you, and have you with me. Why don't you think I wouldn't want to take you out tonight?" Nick seemed hurt by her assumption. She moved her hand in his grasp, as if to reassure him.

"Nick, I'm sorry. I just meant that you wouldn't want to be seen with me while I'm stuck in this chair."

"I think it's more the other way around. Being in that chair bothers you, doesn't it?"

Taylor seemed startled by his perception. She shrugged, "Yeah, it does. People have been staring at me all day. At first, I thought maybe it wasn't me they were looking at, but you. But then I noticed I was getting sympathetic looks, like people feel sorry for me for being in this chair. I guess I'm a little self-conscious, that's all."

He lifted her hand and kissed it, "Don't be. You're not going to be in it for very long. Everything is going to work out, Taylor, I promise. You'll be able to get out of that wheelchair very soon, and I'll be with you when you do. We all will. You're not alone in this."

The look in his eyes was very earnest, and she was about to respond when the waiter came to their table with their meals. Taylor pulled her gaze away from Nick, took her hand back, and waited quietly as the plates were placed in front of them. The waiter left, and Taylor looked back up at Nick. The expression he had was no longer there, and they both recognized the moment had passed them by. Whatever Taylor had been about to say was lost as they smiled regretfully at each other. They both picked up forks, began eating, and turned the conversation to more mundane topics.

The drive home was short and quiet and Taylor was practically asleep as Nick pulled in the driveway. As he turned off the engine he leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek in an attempt to rouse her.

"Sweetheart. . .we're home." As Taylor opened her eyes and leaned over to look at Nick, a sense of contentment swept over her as his small statement filtered through her consciousness. Home. With Nick, she truly felt at home. The realization brought her to the brink of tears, which in turn brought a concerned look from Nick.

"Hey. . .what's wrong baby?"

Taylor took a deep breath and then brought Nick's hand to her lips to lightly kiss his palm, then turned to rest her cheek lightly in his hand. "Nothing's wrong, absolutely nothing." Nick simply ran his thumb across her cheek, gave an understanding nod and climbed out of the truck, going around to help Taylor out.

Nick lifted her gently out of the seat and she wrapped her arms around his neck, breathing in his scent. He carried her into the house and carefully laid her on the sofa.

"Wait here, I'll be right back." She fell back into the cushions as an overwhelming urge to sleep came over her. Fighting it, she stretched as much as she could in an attempt to alleviate the stiffness in her back and hips.

Appearing in the doorway a few minutes later, Nick watched her sleepily moving around on the sofa. "I've got just the cure for those aches and pains," he said as he lifted her back up into his arms and carried her up to the master bathroom connected to his bedroom. A bath had been drawn, several candles were lit so that they were the only lights in the room, and the soothing scent of juniper berries filled the air.

She looked up at Nick and smiled as he perched her gingerly on the vanity. "How did you. . .?"

"I called Jamie earlier," Nick said chuckling, "and it's a good thing I did too. I was planning on getting vanilla."

Taylor made a sour face, "I hate vanilla."

"I know, that's what Jamie told me," he smiled.

Without any fanfare, Taylor allowed Nick to help her get undressed and into the soothing tub. There was nothing erotic about Nick's actions, just honest sincerity and love. She had been soaking for almost an hour when she called for Nick to come help her out of the bath. When he did, he brought her scented lotion, powder and a new satin gown.

"Mr. Carter, if I didn't know better I would say you're trying to seduce me," she said, raising an eyebrow.

Nick was a little shocked, then his expression melted into a mischievous one. "Nah, this isn't seduction, that'll come later," he smirked. Nick whispered into her ear as he lifted her up to carry her into the bedroom, "This is just me wanting you to be happy."

"Mmmmm, I think I can do that," she whispered back.

He took her into his bedroom and laid her in the middle of the bed. "Now that you're all relaxed from the bath, how about a massage?" Nick asked as he reached onto the nightstand and took a bottle from it. Taylor just sighed, nodded and closed her eyes. She heard the click of the bottle opening and soon more juniper berries filled her senses. She sighed to herself and wondered if there was any such thing as too much of a good thing.

He started at her feet, roughly rubbing the thick lotion into her skin. As his hands worked their magic across her skin, he watched her expression and wondered what was going through her mind. Slowly he worked his way up her legs, kneading the tension from her muscles and feeling her body relax little by little. Her ankles, her calves, the back of her thighs, no muscle went unattended.

Finally, he got up the nerve to break the silence. "Taylor?"

"Hmm?" She answered without opening her eyes.

"Can you feel this? I mean, can you feel me touching your legs?" The sadness crept into his voice before he could stop it.

She propped herself up onto her elbows and looked down at Nick as he sat with her legs sprawled across his lap, his hands running over them. He peered up at her through his long eyelashes and she felt her heart break as she realized again how much he truly cared about her and how bad he felt about her situation.

"Nickolas," she said softly, reaching for his hand, "I may not be able to feel you there," she pointed at her legs with her free hand, "but I can feel it all right here." She placed his hand over her heart, and Nick closed his eyes. He touched her face and she gently inhaled the soft scent of the lotion. Nick shifted her legs from his lap and moved so that he was lying beside her, his hand still caressing her face. His thumb gently traced the lines there, across her eyebrows, down her cheekbones, over the curve of her lips, under her chin.

"You know," he whispered, "I think tonight was our first real date."

Taylor lazily ran her fingers over his hand and wrist and smiled, "Yeah, I guess it was."

"Well, I'm not exactly a pro at this dating stuff," he continued, "but I think that I'm supposed to ask my date if I can kiss her goodnight."

"I think I remember hearing that's how it works," she replied.

"Ms. Brett, I must say that I have had a wonderful time tonight and I was hoping, that is, wondering, may I give you a good night kiss?"

"Yes Mr. Carter, you may."

And he did. The most tender kiss she could have ever imagined. And for the second straight night, Nick and Taylor fell asleep in each other's arms, feeling safe and peaceful in the one place they most wanted to be.

When Nick arrived at the studio early the next morning, he found Kevin waiting for him. "Train, hey man, what's goin' on?"

Instead of replying, Kevin simply handed over a cell phone. Nick took it from him, surprised.

"Is this mine? I didn't even know I had forgotten it. Thanks, Kev." Kevin still hadn't said a word, but just looked curiously at Nick. Nick played with the buttons, checking to see if there were any messages on his voicemail. Kevin coughed softly, and Nick looked up at him.

"What?"

"Did you talk to your sister? Is everything okay?"

"My sister? Which one?" Nick was puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not sure, they all sound alike to me, but one of them called yesterday looking for you. I heard it ringing and answered it, it's how I found your phone."

Nick shook his head, "Oh. No, I didn't talk to any of my family yesterday. What did she say?"

"She wouldn't leave her name or a message. Just said something about seeing your name pop up on the caller ID the previous night and was just calling you back. . ." Kevin trailed off as he saw Nick pale for a moment, then regain his composure.

"Oh, uh, yeah, now that you mention it, yeah, I called, uh, BJ. Thanks, I'll uh, call her back," stammered Nick. He started to walk past Kevin, but he caught Nick's arm and stopped him.

"Nick, you have got to be the world's worst liar. It wasn't your sister calling, was it?"

"Yes, it was. . ."

"Nick! Don't ever lie to me," said Kevin, getting angry. "It wasn't your sister, it was Molly, wasn't it?" The anger and betrayal were clearly evident in Kevin's voice. "What the hell do you think you're doing with her?"

Nick froze, the words he had been about to say stuck in a lump in his throat. His eyes were wide open as he finally managed, "But how. . . how did you know?"

"I didn't until just now. Not for sure, anyway. It was a guess." Kevin still had a stern expression, but his words were tinged with concern, not anger. "Nick? What are you doing? Do you even know?"

It was Nick's turn to be angry and defensive, "Believe it or not Kevin, I am not a child anymore. Quit acting like I don't have a brain in my head. I do know what I'm doing. And at the moment, what I'm doing is none of your business."

"I'm not so sure of any of that. Do you even remember what Molly did to us, what she tried to do? We almost ended up in prison because of her!"

"Well, we're not in prison, so just chill. It wasn't her fault. . ."

Kevin was dumbfounded. "Not her fault? If it wasn't for her, we'd never have been arrested!"

"Look man, there is so much about that whole situation that you just don't understand. . ."

"I understand enough to know that you shouldn't be talking to her, what more do I need to know?"

"Just drop it okay, you're gonna have to trust me on this one."

"No Nick, I'm sorry, I can't do that, not this time. Molly Coughlin has been nothing but a liar and big pain in our ass, do you even realize what could've. . ."

Nick held a hand up to forestall Kevin. "Lou made her do it okay, you know that. But she didn't have a choice. She's not like that."

"How the hell would you know what she's like? Don't even tell me you've been friendly with her since the trial?"

"Kevin, you don't understand. Just let it go, forget you heard anything." Nick started to walk away, but Kevin hadn't released Nick's arm.

"I am not going to forget it. God, think Nick, use that brain you claim to have! She tried to destroy you, me, all of us. If it hadn't been for Jamie and Taylor. . .oh my God, Nick, tell me you haven't been sneaking around on Taylor! And with Molly! You are insane, you know that?" Kevin's tone took on a protective air as the potential gravity of the situation hit him. "Taylor is having enough problems at the moment, when she finds out about this. . ."

"She's not going to find out anything, because there is nothing to find out. Kevin, you really don't know what you're talking about."

Kevin exclaimed in frustration, "Fine, explain it to me then." He let go of Nick and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Nick closed his eyes, trying to figure out what to say to Kevin that would get him to back off.

"It's not what you think, I swear to you Kevin. Molly and I have been friends for a long time now."

"You think she's your friend? God, Nick, with friends like her who needs enemies? What do you think the people who don't like you would do to you?"

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up and listen to me for a minute." Nick began pacing back and forth in the hallway. Kevin realized where the two of them were, and pulled Nick into one of the conference rooms. Nick started to protest, but thought better of it. They needed to be somewhere private, where no one could overhear them. The less the others knew, the better it would all be.

The room was dark except for a lone lamp in the corner which cast a dreary light across part of the room. Kevin leaned on the conference table for a moment and then pulled out a chair and sat down. He looked up at Nick expectantly, with a 'if-you-really-think-I'm-gonna-buy-any-of-this-you-better-start-talking,' look.

Nick sighed and started pacing slowly as he spoke. "Kevin, I met Molly when she first started at Trans Con. Yeah, I thought she was pretty, and we went out a couple of times. But it didn't work out that way, we decided that we were better off just being friends. I don't know why no one realized we were friends; we weren't really hiding it from anyone. I guess our schedules were just so different and we were both so busy that no one else paid attention, I don't know. I guess I just never thought about it before.

"When the shit hit the fan with Trans Con, and we left, Molly was still under contract with Lou. She was miserable there because Lou was taking out his anger with us on everyone else still working for him. I met her for lunch once, and we talked about all of this. Neither one of us knew Lou saw me come get her."

Kevin interrupted him, "You went back to Trans Con when you were specifically told not to?"

He held up a hand, "Yes. I was only going to be there for a minute, just to pick her up. We didn't think anything about it." Kevin muttered under his breath, "You got that right."

Nick ignored him, and continued, "Anyway, when she came back, Lou called her into the office. He basically fired her right then and there for being a 'traitor'. Then he changed his mind, sort of."

Kevin narrowed his eyes, "What do you mean sort of?"

"I mean, he blackmailed her. Told her she could keep her job if she would make up charges against us. Anything to discredit us, to break us up. You know how furious he was that we left him. She was barely making ends meet as it was, and he offered her more money. She didn't have a choice, Kevin. She thought she had to do it. And that promotion at the record store, well it was a perfect place to do it. By being alone like that, we made it so easy for her."

"In case you forgot Nick, I was with you at the time. You two didn't act like you knew each other. What the hell was that all about?" asked Kevin.

"She called me before the promotion. She had some story made up about how she'd been contacted by The Firm and they asked her to act like one of our fans, that they were going to photograph it and use it for publicity. At the time, it sounded okay. I know that's not how The Firm works now, but I didn't back then. So I went along with it. And when she was acting all weird by the bathrooms, I was completely confused, so instead of doing anything, I just reacted. She told me later it hadn't even mattered which of us had been there, it all would have happened anyway. It just happened to be me and you."

"Gee, that makes me feel so much better," snarled Kevin. "What about afterwards? Why didn't you say anything?"

"By then, it got all out of hand, and I couldn't. I was so scared Kev, I wasn't thinking right. And she had said, that if either of us had said anything to you or anyone else, Lou would have left her out to dry, denied any part in it, and cut her off completely. I couldn't do that to her."

"But she was perfectly okay with accusing us of raping her? Nick, you certainly have some wonderful friends."

"Knock it off, Kevin! She wasn't okay with it. She wanted to tell someone, but she was afraid of what would happen to her. If we had been convicted, she would have said something then. She wouldn't have let us go to prison."

"If you believe that, then you're a bigger fool than I think you are. If she was afraid of what would happen to her before, she certainly wasn't going to say something after the trial," said Kevin.

Nick looked as if Kevin had just punched him. Kevin felt bad that he was hurting Nick, but he had to make him understand that Molly was not someone he needed in his life. Molly had already hurt them once, and Kevin was convinced she would hurt Nick again.

"She's not like that," Nick whispered. "She's helped me more than you ever could imagine." Kevin gave Nick a 'yeah, right,' look, convinced that his little brother had totally lost his mind and his perspective.

"I'm serious, Kev. If it weren't for her, I don't know if I could have gotten through all this with Taylor. Molly listens to me, she lets me say whatever I need to, and she doesn't judge me, not like some people." He eyed Kevin, who looked away with a guilty look. "She lets me get it all off my chest, gives me advice if she thinks I need it, and I feel better afterwards. You don't understand Kevin, she's the only one who is completely outside this whole thing. We are all involved in some way, you, me, Jamie, Taylor, and even Brian, Howie, and AJ. No one here is objective. Molly is. She sees things as they are, not how we all want them to be. Not like how I want them to be, and she'll tell me when I'm in fantasyland. No one else does that for me, and I need that. I need to be able to talk to her, Kev. Don't ever tell me I'm a fool for wanting someone to listen to me." By this time, Nick was sitting down at the far end of the conference table, head resting on his folded arms.

Kevin got out of his seat, walked over to Nick's end slowly, and sat down next to him. "I'm sorry, Nick. I forget sometimes you aren't 14 anymore. And I guess I didn't realize just how hard this whole thing with Taylor has been for you, for all of us."

"You know, there were so many times over the past few months when. . .when I just wanted to give up. I just couldn't take it and I wasn't so sure that it would ever be worth it. Taylor's made it so hard sometimes. . ."

"Nick, this isn't all Taylor's fault, she's. . ."

"Damnit Kevin, I know that, trust me, I know that now. But still, sometimes I felt like. . . I don't know, like it wasn't right."

"Is that how you feel now?" Kevin asked quietly.

"No." Nick whispered, "Now I know it's the most right thing in the world. I love her Kev." He looked at Kevin with tears brimming his bloodshot eyes. "I love her. . . like you love Jamie."

Kevin closed his eyes and took in the entirety of Nick's statement. At that moment he was reminded how much Nick had matured, and that embracing love for the first time, no matter at what age, is something life-altering. He spoke with an apologetic tone. "I'm sorry Nick, you're right, you do need someone objective to talk to. I just don't think that person is Molly Coughlin. She's only going to hurt you again, Nick."

"I don't think she will. She knows what she did last time was wrong and she feels bad about it, and she knows how lucky she was to have only gotten probation. She's not going to risk it again."

"Nick, by talking to you, she's risking it. Do you know what would happen if anyone found out you two were friends?"

"Nothing would happen. We're not breaking any laws, Kevin."

"Hello? Do you remember the restraining order? Not to mention the terms of her probation. Nick, there's a whole lot that could happen. I'm not sure exactly what, Jamie would know better than. . ."

"Please say you didn't tell Jamie about this, did you?" Nick pleaded.

"No, like I said, it was just a guess that it was Molly on my part. I wasn't even sure until you lied about it being BJ, and the way you got really pale when I mentioned the call you had made. I wouldn't have said anything to Jaim unless I was sure. I didn't want her going ballistic for no real reason, and she's got enough to worry about right now. Why, does Jamie know about this?"

"As far as I know, no one knows. Molly and I do know that we can't be seen together, publicity wise or because of the restraining order. But we call each other and talk that way." Nick sighed, "Maybe deep down I did know this would be everyone's reaction, but we are friends, and I'm not changing that right now."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Nick."

"Yes, I know. You've made that crystal clear. But no else knows, and I need to be able to talk to someone about all of this. I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything either."

"Nick, I don't know if I can or should keep this to myself," said Kevin.

"Please. I'm asking you to do this for me."

"I can't promise you that, I need to think about it," said Kevin. "It's not just you, there are others to think about, like Jamie and Taylor. And Nick, what if Taylor does find out, what is she going to think?"

"She won't find out, she hasn't yet, and she's been with me for a couple of weeks. And if she does find out, Taylor will understand once I explain it all to her. She isn't going to be upset by this."

The next two weeks flew by for everyone. Kevin didn't mention Molly again, which came as a great relief to Nick. He relaxed, and he and Taylor enjoyed getting to know one another better. They went shopping, went out for dinner and spent hours lying in each other's arms talking about anything and everything. It was therapeutic for both of them. Taylor learned to trust him more and more. Nick came to know the real Taylor, the one Jamie knew. They weren't forcing each other into anything, emotionally or otherwise, and there was no pressure between them. They simply talked about whatever came up.

Nick sensed that a physical relationship was not really what Taylor wanted right now. She was still very depressed about her paralysis and it was obvious that this made her feel self-conscious and unattractive. It didn't matter to Nick at all, but he understood and made no move to advance that part of their relationship. Instead, he lovingly showered her with compliments and gifts, which were sincere and carefully used to help boost her self-esteem.

At the end of that second week, Jamie finally moved to Orlando and it was a great relief to everyone. Kevin was happier and so was Taylor. Nick was just happy to see Taylor smiling more and laughing more. Taylor was very excited that Jamie had finally moved, even if it was into Kevin's house. The firm had given Jamie a month to get settled and organize things for the office before they officially opened for business. While she spent some of her time working on the new office, Jamie took full advantage of the first few days to catch up with those she had missed so much. Kevin was more than ecstatic to have her living with him even if she adamantly stated that it was only temporary.

Although before this whole mess started, Jamie and Taylor didn't see each other more than a few times a year, it was obvious the two friends needed one another now, more than ever before. When the two of them were together, the others couldn't help but smile, they were like two halves of the same soul. Nick and Kevin did their best to weasel in to their inner circle, but the girls would only let them in so far, and then they teased the boys mercilessly as they verbally threw them back out of the loop. It was a game they enjoyed and one that Kevin and Nick reconciled themselves to playing. Most days Nick would bring Taylor with him to Orlando in the mornings and she would spend the day at Kevin's house with Jamie.

Jamie was telling Taylor about the going away party that her co-workers threw for her before she left Cincinnati, when Nick walked into the room. Unnoticed by the pair, he stood in the doorway and listened to them.

"Yeah, in the middle of the afternoon everyone piled into my office," Jamie was saying. "Just a little cramped, but hilarious, considering I was on a conference call at the time. The other party on the phone wanted to know what all the laughter was about, they didn't think their offer was all that funny. Anyway, once I finished the call, we had a little party. Andy and Deb brought in a cake and some champagne, so it was slightly embarrassing with a toast and all. They even had a going-away present for me, a CD they had burned for me. They played it during the party, you have no idea how funny it all was."

"Really? What's on the CD?" Taylor asked. Jamie shook her head, and began laughing again.

"The intro message on it is from Andy and Deb, and when they had time to do this considering all the work I've given them to do is beyond me. Here, listen for yourself." Jamie dug through the box on the floor in front of the entertainment center and came up with a CD. She put it into the stereo, adjusted the sound, and her secretary and law clerk's voices came through the speakers.

"Jaim, we can't believe you're leaving us behind while you go traipsing off to SUNNY WARM Florida."

"Yeah, although, maybe I can transfer law schools. . .are there even any in Orlando?"

"Andy! You're not leaving, so forget it! If she wouldn't take me with her, there's no way you're going."

"Okay, okay, can't afford it anyway. . .back to the point of this. . . we wanted to record this so you would always remember us, especially when it comes to our vacation time, and we're looking for someplace WARM to go. . ."

"Oooh, vacation plans, hadn't even thought of that. Sounds good to me. Yeah, Jaim, keep a spare room for us in that mansion you're no doubt moving into."

"Anyhow, we thought we'd make a CD of your favorite songs for you, something to remember us by, one of our infamous party mixes for you! We hope you like it!"

"But keep in mind this was all Andy's idea. . ."

The CD lapsed into silence, and Jamie said, "I can't believe they did this. Ready?" Taylor nodded as the first song began.

"It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you,

"Hey!" said Nick, and both girls turned to see him standing in the doorway, hands on hips, glaring at the CD player. Jamie was still laughing, and seeing Nick offended by the music caused her to double over, and she almost fell off the couch. He came into the room and turned off the stereo, still glaring at the machine.

"Nicky!" she managed to say between breaths. "You'd better leave while you can, little brother, you're not going to like the rest of this any better."

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Their present to me was a CD full of 'boyband' songs. . . you name it it's on here, N'Sync, Hanson, Youngstown. But no Backstreet anywhere, they made sure of that."

"Again, why?"

"You'd have to meet them to fully understand. But let's just say they find it ironic that my boyfriend is in a boyband, given all the stuff I used to say about the bands, you guys in particular."

"We're not a boyband. . ." started Nick.

"Yes I know, Nicky. But I didn't make any distinctions when I didn't like you, you know that. Actually, I know you've heard some of things I've said about you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he waved her off.

Taylor turned to Jamie, "The point is why is this your present? You really like these songs?"

"Nope, can't stand them, but that's all part of Andy's bizarre sense of humor. Since he said I was about to be immersed fully in 'the Backstreet experience', the least he could do was remind me of the other music that's out there," she said, trying hard to regain her composure. "You missed Kevin's reaction, though."

"You actually played this for him?"

Jamie nodded, "Yeah, he saw it last night and wanted to know what it was. So I played it for him. He mentioned something about going up to Cincinnati and giving Andy a 'Backstreet experience' of his own. . .Kev's foot kicking Andy's ass." Jamie exploded into laughter again.

"Don't laugh too hard, I may help him," Nick muttered darkly.

"Whatever happened to 'I'm a non-violent person', Nicky?" asked Jamie. He narrowed his eyes at her. "After all, it's only an N'Sync song. . ."

"I am," he said, walking over to Taylor and leaning down to kiss her quickly, "but I have my limits," he said, biting back a comment about the song itself. Taylor turned her head and returned his kiss, pulling him down to the couch.

Jamie made a gagging noise, pointed in their direction and then chuckled when they both blushed and broke apart, "Speaking of limits, what did you do with that no-good boyfriend of mine? Didn't he come home from the studio with you?"

"He said he was going to stop at the store for something, he should be here any minute."

He was home a few minutes later, a bouquet of roses in each hand, white for Taylor and red for Jamie.

"Kev, man, you're makin' me look bad," Nick whined when Kevin arrived with the flowers.

"Don't worry Nicky-boy, you have a chance to redeem yourself," Kevin said, drawing inquisitive looks from all three of them, "You're cooking dinner."

When Taylor and Jamie had stopped laughing long enough to notice the permanent pout Nick was sporting, Taylor spoke up. "Don't worry, I'll help. . .this could be fun." Pushing her wheelchair through the doorway, Nick turned to Jamie and Kevin and stuck his tongue out with a 'so there!' look.

Dinner was wonderful. The four leaned back away from the table, patting their overstuffed tummies and smiling.

"I still don't believe you actually cooked, Nick," Kevin said jokingly. "And that it was really good."

"Well, I couldn't really do anything wrong with Taylor hovering like a mother hen and barking orders at me left and right," Nick responded, glancing in Taylor's direction with a wink and a smirk.

The conversation quickly devolved into one in which Nick and Kevin were the main topic, each carefully raked over the proverbial coals by Jamie and Taylor. All in all it was a good evening between four good friends.

Taylor and Nick spent the night in "Nick's Room", as Jamie had dubbed Kevin's guestroom. Taylor had a doctor's appointment the following day and Kevin and Nick had an early call at the studio, so it was simpler to stay the night.

Jamie was idly flipping through a magazine in the doctor's office waiting for Taylor's appointment to be finished, when Taylor came cruising out into the room. She was visibly excited and smiling. Jamie noted the look and asked, "Well? What's the verdict?"

"Tap my leg, no better yet, kick me," said Taylor.

"Kick you? Are you crazy, I'm not going to kick you."

"Just do it," commanded Taylor, as she wheeled herself in front of Jamie. Jamie brushed the toe of her shoe over Taylor's shin. Taylor raised her eyebrow and said, "That's the best you can do? I said, kick me, damnit."

Jamie rolled her eyes, then kicked Taylor. "Ouch, you bitch! That hurt!" said Taylor, reaching down to rub her shin, but laughing. Several other patients in the room looked over and some were frowning at Jamie, who weakly smiled at them, then turned back to glare at Taylor.

"What? You just said to kick you. . .hey, wait a minute, you felt that?" asked Jamie, startled. Taylor nodded.

"Yup, the doctor says the paralysis is practically gone, and that I've got all of my reflexes back."

"Oh my God, that's great!" said Jamie as she leaned down to hug her friend. "So you're just in that chair for fun now?"

"Well, not exactly. I still can't walk very well, since I haven't in almost two months, so I'll need it for a little longer. But I'll need a cane until I regain my balance and all that. The nurse went to go find me one to take with us."

"We need to celebrate! Let me call Kevin and Nick. . ." Jamie said as Taylor interrupted her.

"Just tell them to meet us somewhere for dinner. I want it to be a surprise. Actually, ask if all of them can come for dinner, might as well make it good." Jamie nodded as she called Kevin and they made arrangements to meet at 6:30 for dinner. As she closed her cell, she turned to face Taylor, "All set. But I think you and I need to do something this afternoon."

"Absolutely. I think this calls for a trip to the mall."

Jamie was slightly surprised because Taylor didn't like going places where she could be seen in the wheelchair. Taylor wasn't obvious about it, but Jamie knew. "Oh really? Shopping, eh?" smiled Jamie as the nurse handed her an antique looking cane for Taylor. "Well then, let's hit the mall! Anything in particular you looking for?"

"Yup," nodded Taylor. "I need running shoes!"

Taylor and Jamie had a successful shopping trip followed by a stop back at Kevin's house to change clothes and freshen up. They both did their best to hide their excitement as Jamie pulled into the restaurant parking lot. They looked around and counted the cars; everyone else was already inside the restaurant. Jamie helped Taylor out of the car and into the wheelchair. With a knowing glance between them, they headed inside.

The hostess escorted them towards the back where they saw the guys sitting casually around a large table. Nick had his back to them as they approached the table. Taylor stopped several feet from the table, but Jamie walked over to Kevin, who sat waiting for a kiss. Nick immediately turned around to see Taylor as he got up to help her into a chair.

She held up her hand to forestall him, "Just a sec Nick, stay right there for a minute okay?" Nick stopped, slightly confused, and just stood by the table looking at Taylor. The others also watched in silence, wondering what Taylor was doing. Jamie sat down next to Kevin, holding his hand and fidgeting slightly with her excitement. Kevin started to ask her what was going on, but she whispered, "Shush, just look."

Taylor carefully locked the brakes on the chair and leaned down to move her feet and her legs out of the lower parts of the chair. Holding tightly onto the sides of the chair, she slowly rose up to a standing position as everyone at the table sat wide-eyed. Pausing a moment to catch her balance and staring intently down at her feet, Taylor slowly put one foot in front of the other and took a step toward Nick. She kept looking down as she took a couple more tentative steps and then brought her eyes up to Nick as she painstakingly moved the last few feet into Nick's waiting arms.

He picked her off the ground and held her tightly as a few tears slid down his cheeks.

"Surprise," she whispered lovingly into his ear while he held her.

He didn't say anything, but his tears of joy streamed a little faster. A moment later he calmed down and carefully slid her back down to the ground, his arms still holding her close to his body. Taylor pulled him down with her and again whispered to him, "I love you, Nick."

He pulled back from her and looked into her eyes where a few tears had welled. "I love you too, Taylor," he said as he leaned down and kissed her with all he had.

AJ drummed his fingers on the table loudly, giving them a second before his brash nature took over. "Ahem, excuse me you two. . ." They broke apart and looked over at him with broad smiles while everyone else laughed. "You love birds are cute and all, but now I think we have a reason to par-tay! Oh, waiter!"

And they did. Everyone ate and drank and laughed until they were exhausted from enjoying themselves. As they all parted ways, each of the guys gave Taylor a big hug and kiss to congratulate her on her recovery. Finally it was just the four of them, and Kevin and Jamie walked with Nick and Taylor to the car. It was slow going because Taylor insisted on walking and using her cane, and she had to stop several times to catch her breath. Nick offered her wheelchair, but she shook her head stubbornly and continued on.

Kevin took on his fatherly tone as he leaned into Nick's truck to give Taylor one last hug. "Hey kiddo, you take it easy, okay? I know you want to go run a marathon tomorrow, but. . ."

"I know Dad, I know," Taylor said laughing. "Don't you worry, I have other, um, less mobile activities in mind," she said arching an eyebrow in Jamie's direction.

Jamie cracked up as Kevin and Nick exchanged a cautious 'so-are-ya-gonna-get-lucky?' look between them. Revving his engine slightly, Nick and Taylor left Jamie and Kevin standing in the parking lot as they headed home to Tampa.

The ride home was tense, but in the best possible way.

As he helped Taylor out of the truck at the house, Nick carefully took her hand and kissed it. She felt the jolt as his lips lingered longer than she thought they would. Nick raised his eyes from her hand to catch her stare as both of them realized something new was passing between them. It was as if a floodgate had been opened around them and waves of understanding, trust and love were flowing from one to the other and back again. For the first time ever, they were free to love one another, with nothing hanging over them and no pain buried deep inside.

He picked her up and carried her inside. Wanting to walk on her own, she started to protest but he stopped her as his lips fell across hers in a gentle kiss. She kissed him back and allowed him to take her to her bedroom. He set her down on the bed and gave her another sweet kiss.

"This calls for a celebration." Taylor looked up at him and smiled. "Change into something cute and I'll come back and get you in ten minutes okay?"

Taylor just shook her head as Nick bounded toward the door. Before he closed it, Taylor stopped him with her voice, "So Carter, is this going to involve that seduction you were talking about last week?"

Nick winked at her mischievously and answered, "If you're lucky it will."

Taylor managed to change into the demure negligée she and Jamie had picked up at the mall. It was sexy, but not very revealing; trashy wasn't Taylor's style. She sat down at the dressing table and picked up a hairbrush. As she slowly pulled the bristles through her hair, her happy thoughts clouded slightly and a voice inside her spoke up. Who are you kidding Taylor? She stopped and looked in the mirror, her complexion paling slightly. Reaching for her perfume, the voice returned. You honestly believe that Nick could be attracted to someone like you? Let alone love something like you? It was mocking her and a sinister echo followed each word. She closed her eyes to try and force it from her mind.

Standing slowly, she opened her eyes and again looked at her reflection. She saw only ugliness and pain; these were her reality. She couldn't see anything that would be remotely attractive to anyone, especially to Nick.

That's right Taylor, you know it's true. He can't love you, no one can. A tear slid down her face and she quickly brushed it aside and breathed deep. But you owe him, God knows he's taken pity on you for some reason. You know what he wants Taylor and you owe him that. . .

She closed her eyes again and tried to stop the voice. "No, go away, I don't need you anymore!" Looking on the dressing table she noticed one of her prescriptions. She snapped the bottle open and pulled out a tablet. "Nick loves ME," she thought as she quickly swallowed the pill, "NOT YOU!" A few deep breaths and she was calm again. "I deserve to be happy, don't I? I'm good enough, aren't I?"

Nick was at the door a few minutes later. "Come in," she managed to choke out. He opened it, and she stared at him for a moment. He stood there in his silk pajama pants, smiling that mischievous smile again.

"Have I told you lately how beautiful you are Taylor?" She blushed as he swept her up in his arms. Without a word, he carried her to his room which was bathed in candlelight and had soft music playing in the background. He moved over to the small sitting area and lowered her onto a big overstuffed chair. Taylor looked down at him as he sat cross legged on the floor in front of the chair facing her.

"Why do you look so sad, baby? We're supposed to be celebrating. . ." Taylor smiled a little at the anxious look on Nick's face. "Oh, I know what it is," he said as his eyes lit up as if a light bulb had just turned on in his brain, "You can't really celebrate anything without champagne, right? See, I knew that so I came prepared." He was smiling proudly as he reached to the side of the chair and pulled out a tray with some glasses and a bucket of chilled champagne. He carefully opened the bottle and poured two generous glasses, handing one to Taylor.

"May I propose a toast?" He asked and Taylor nodded. "To the most amazing woman I have ever met. A woman who is as smart as she is beautiful, definitely something new in my world," he said laughing. "A woman who challenges me at every moment to be a better person, a better friend, and hopefully," he said picking up her hand and kissing it lightly, "a better lover." Taylor shuddered as his lips returned to her hand once more before he continued, "To a woman who has opened my world up to feelings and emotions that I never knew existed. And finally," he said, looking deeply into her eyes, "to the hope that this wonderful woman will continue to amaze me and challenge me for the rest of my life."

Taylor reached out and brushed her fingers lightly across his cheek as a lone tear slid down her face. He covered her hand with his and moved his lips to caress each of her fingertips as she closed her eyes to drink in the sensation. Nick leaned in closer as he took her hand and placed it with his over his heart. "Taylor, look at me. . ." She blinked her eyes and looked down to see tears falling from his eyes as well. "I meant what I said Taylor, I love you like I've never loved anyone before and I won't lie, it's a little scary, but that's because this is all new to me. . ." He stopped to take a deep breath. "I know that somewhere deep inside you love me too, I can feel it when I touch you and when you touch me and I just want you to know that I'll wait as long as. . ."

"Shhhh. . ." Taylor stopped him, "This is right Nick, we don't have to wait." She wanted this so bad and it had been so long. "But. . . I'm scared too. This, all of this. . ." she paused looking deep into his eyes, "this loving, caring, this is all new to me too. I don't know exactly what. . ." He stopped her and laid his head in her lap, running his hands softly up her legs and pulling her closer to him.

"I don't know either Taylor, but I do know one thing, I love you and we can learn together, okay?"

Taylor lovingly reached down to run her hands through his hair as he sighed. It was taking all the strength she could find, but for once in her life she was letting her fears go. She had never felt so loved or so safe. The walls she had carefully built up that stood between her and the rest of the world crumbled as this beautiful person professed his love for her. Her hands fell to his face and she smoothed her fingertips over his cheeks and across his lips. She watched him close his eyes as she leaned down and placed her lips on his, reaching out to him as if he were her own personal savior.

Their lips met gently, each tasting for the first time the love which had for so long been lying in wait, yearning to come through. It was as if they were feeling each other for the first time, their hands gliding patiently over every curve and every crease of the other. Nick felt her apprehension floating away as his fingers moved over her neck, flowed down her shoulders and traced the length of her arms to clasp her hands in his.

Her lips opened as his tongue tentatively reached out to tease the outline of her mouth. She parted her lips slightly and met him with her own sense of curiosity and need. She breathed deeply in the midst of the kiss, and her senses were filled with the scent of his cologne, the champagne, the candles, and most importantly, his love. They leaned into one another as if they were trying to break through some invisible barrier that was keeping them apart. The barrier wasn't there anymore and their physical search for the secrets the other possessed began.

Nick pulled away and stood up, gathering her softly into his arms. He moved effortlessly to the bed and placed Taylor gently in the center, carefully moving to stretch out beside her. He laid on his side looking at her for the longest time, committing the moment to memory as much as he could. From the tips of her incredibly long eyelashes, to the soft waves in her auburn hair, to the taupe polish on her toenails, he loved everything about this woman and it took his breath away thinking about it. He casually leaned over to kiss her neck, trailing his tongue across the sensitive skin and sliding up to whisper to her. "I want this to be perfect for you Taylor," he said as his fingers lingered on her hip, coaxing her body to turn and meet his.

"I'm with you Nick, it will be perfect, it will be," she replied as she rolled over to meet his lips once again.

Their kisses were deep and gentle. Each touch, each caress was more passionate than the one before. Nick was tentative, he didn't want to rush anything. It had to be perfect because to him, she was perfect. Taylor sensed his hesitation but she didn't encourage him either way. It was all about Nick, whatever he wanted. She wanted this just as much, but like the voice said, she owed him that.

The satin she was wearing felt cool to his touch as he slid her gown up from her thighs, resting it on her hips as his warm hands slid over the back of her legs. He felt goosebumps on her skin as his fingers gently massaged her legs. He leaned back for a moment, watching as she unconsciously licked her lips, swollen from their kisses, her eyes closed and a look of contentment painted on her face.

He reached up to trace the outline of her face, his fingers grazing lightly across her cheek and down her neck down to the outline of her breast through her gown. She moaned softly as he lazily ran his finger around her breast and across the nipple rising against the shiny fabric. His tongue followed the trail of his fingers and he gently nipped her through her gown. Taylor rolled back onto the bed, allowing Nick to continue his exploration. As she moved, he pulled at her gown, carefully undoing the tiny buttons that held it together. He stared at her as he did this and she looked back at him with shining green eyes, full of love and hope. Her fingers reached out to smooth over his arms as he continued his task with the buttons. She felt the strength of his muscles under her touch and took comfort in the thought that he was strong enough for both of them.

Finally, her gown fell open and his hands and mouth took possession of her body and her soul. Taylor felt the fire starting as Nick moved his hands and mouth lower, his tongue inviting her body to let go, to give into his caress and fill the void between them.

Nick watched her face as he moved rhythmically above her, the sensation of being inside her overpowering him.

She was gasping, her body writhing within his grasp but some part of her remained unwilling. Nick could feel her fighting her own demons, and losing the battle. She tensed up and he felt her start to pull away from his touch. He wasn't going to let that happen. He wanted to help her overcome the fears and doubts that still had a hold on her.

His hand continued to roam over her as he shifted his body, trailing kisses along her neck until he could whisper to her. "This is me Taylor, no one else. . ." Her eyes closed as he watched her battle. "I love you and you love me. . .give in to me Taylor. . .you know this is right. . .you know this is real. . .just let go. . .let it all go. . ." With that she cried out as Nick felt her push onto him and slip over the edge, the feeling of her orgasm washing over him and forcing his release as well.

He sighed deeply as he looked down at her. Her eyes were closed again and she was slowly coming down from her high. As her ecstasy subsided, he gently ran his hands across her body, watching as her breathing evened and the flush complexion of her pale skin faded slightly.

She opened her eyes and leaned up to touch her lips to his. "Thank you, Nick. . ." Crystal blue eyes met mossy green ones, and he smiled, "You're welcome." He lightly outlined her lips with his tongue. "But oh, I'm not finished with you yet. . ."

Life was good. Taylor's recovery lifted everyone's spirits. The fellas continued recording, and it was fun again. They laughed and argued and sang. It was all the way it used to be when they were just five struggling vocalists looking to succeed in the industry, hoping for the one break they needed. They had been through so much lately. All of the tension that had existed for various reasons was gone, and it showed up in the playbacks in the studio. Their voices were clear and beautiful and the fun they were having came through. This was going to be the best album they had done yet.

Taylor got physically stronger every day, and she came to rely on the hated wheelchair less and less. She pushed herself hard to regain the use of her legs. Nick and Jamie cautioned her to take it easy but she laughed at them and told them they were just afraid they'd be left behind in her dust. She continued to work hard, and soon it was hard to tell that she couldn't walk several weeks earlier.

Taylor and Jamie had a great time together. Their days were spent househunting, arguing good-naturedly over the type of place they wanted. They were setting up the branch office, interviewing potential staff, and getting everything organized. They hung out at the studio when the guys would let them, or they took off on their own, either shopping or just relaxing on the beaches.

Nights were spent either alone, or with some combination of the five guys and their significant others. Something was always going on, and they all grew closer as a group. Life was definitely good for them all.

Only Taylor had an inkling that it wouldn't last. The voices in her head appeared with an alarming frequency when no one else was around or late at night when Nick was sound asleep and she was wide awake. She dreaded being left alone with her thoughts. She would creep out of their bed, careful not to wake Nick, and wander down to the bay windows in the living room that faced the ocean. Taylor would watch the waves roll over the shore, and drown the voices out with a glass of wine.

Sometimes Nick would wake in the night, and find her downstairs. Taylor always reassured him that she was alright, just not able to sleep. She would then lead him by the hand upstairs back to bed, and distract him by seducing him. Nick often joked about how he liked her insomnia, and she would give him a demure smile in return, then continue her seduction. Being with Nick was an escape for the moment, but in the back of her mind, the voices simply laughed.

They were at Nick's house. Jamie was waiting for Taylor to finish her shower after her daily therapy session so that they could go have a late lunch. The phone rang, and not thinking twice, Jamie picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" she said. There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, then, "Is Nick there?"

"No, I'm sorry he's not available right now. Can I take a message?"

"No, no that's all right. I'll try his cell, thanks."

"I could tell him you're calling if you want? Is this BJ?"

"Thanks, but I'll just call his cell and talk to him. It's easier that way." Jamie heard a click and a dial tone before she could say anything further. She hung up the phone just as Taylor walked into the living room.

"Was that for me?"

"Hmm? No, just someone looking for Nicky. No big deal," said Jamie, shrugging her shoulders. "C'mon, you ready to go? I'm starving." They left the house several minutes later and both forgot about the phone call.

Molly replaced the phone, shaking. She needed to talk to Nick, needed to find out if it was true. She replayed the other conversation she had over again.

It wasn't really a conversation though, more like an ultimatum. Kevin had called Molly and warned her to stay away from them all, especially Nick.

"You have no idea what you're doing, and you are going to ruin his life. Leave Nick alone, I'm only going to say it once."

"Or what?" she challenged him.

"Don't provoke me," he warned her. "You've done enough to us, and I will make sure you can't hurt us again. Your probation will be revoked so fast your head will spin. I mean it, leave Nick alone."

The tone in Kevin's voice had frightened her and she knew he was serious. But somehow she didn't think Nick knew about Kevin's call. She and Nick had been friends for too long and, with the one exception, they had been brutally honest with each other about everything. Having someone else warn her off wasn't Nick's style at all. He was too honest, too forthright, to let someone else say goodbye for him.

She just wanted to talk to Nick, to ask if that's what he really wanted. If it was, she would fade out of his life without a second thought. Kevin had been right in the respect that what Nick did was too important to him to let anything destroy it. She wouldn't be responsible for that; she had come so close to doing that once before and she remembered the pain she had caused Nick. When they began speaking to each other again, Molly had promised him then and there that she would never again be the reason his world fell apart.

"I must be in the wrong house, I'm sorry," teased Kevin as he walked into the kitchen. Jamie was over by the counter, bowls and ingredients spread out in front of her. She shot him a look, "Funny, very funny Richardson."

"Well, it's just that the last time I checked, you didn't know how to cook."

"I never said I didn't know how, I just don't like doing it, that's all."

"Oh, okay," he looked around the kitchen. "So where'd you hide Taylor? I know she's the one actually making dinner, right?" The dishtowel in Jamie's hand suddenly hit Kevin in the chest and rolled down his body to land at his feet.

"Just for that, you're not getting any of this."

"That is supposed to be a threat, right?" She scowled, and he laughed. "So what did the Twin Terrors do today?"

"Not much actually. Taylor had a late therapy session, so we had some lunch then just stayed at Nick's talking and planning for the office some."

"I see. So nothing interesting, huh? Nothing I need to be worried about?" asked Kevin as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Honestly, why do you think there is something to be worried about whenever Tails and I are together?"

"Howie didn't name you two the Twin Terrors for nothing," Kevin chuckled. "He doesn't give nicknames to people unless he thinks it's appropriate." She stuck her tongue out at him, then turned back to the counter to finish up.

"So did Nick get the phone call?" she asked suddenly. Kevin looked up, startled.

"What phone call?"

"I'm not sure. While I was waiting for Taylor, a girl called the house looking for Nicky. I assumed it was BJ or one of his other sisters. It sounded important and she said she'd call his cell. I'm just curious, can't help it you know."

Kevin knew exactly what she was talking about. Molly did reach Nick on his cell that afternoon, and Nick and Kevin had a chat about it afterwards. Nick was angry that he was interfering, and Kevin defended himself as best he could. He told Nick that he wanted to make sure nothing happened to hurt Taylor. Nick had responded by telling him to mind his own business, but Kevin pointed out that if Taylor got hurt, Jamie would be hurt too, "And that makes it my business, Nick, whether you like it or not." They had left it like that, since Nick couldn't fault that argument.

Jamie sat down at the table next to Kevin. "Hello? You there?"

"Yeah, what?" Kevin shook his head to clear his mind.

"You just spaced out for a minute. You all right, darlin'?" Kevin leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." He regarded her silently for a while, trying to make a decision. The confused look didn't leave Jamie's face, and he nodded to himself, at last deciding what he had to do.

"Baby, there's something I need to tell you, but you have to promise me you'll hear me out and not get mad."

"Let me guess, I'm not going to like this very much," she grimaced. He nodded, then briefly explained the situation with Molly and Nick, and his part in it all. Her confusion quickly gave way to shock, but she remained silent as Kevin explained.

"And you've known about this all along?" she asked quietly. He shook his head, "No, I found out about a month ago. But I didn't say anything because I thought there was enough going on at the time."

"So why now? Why tell me at all?"

"I guess it was all alright when I knew you didn't know anything. But you talked to Molly, I just realized that it would happen again, despite the warning I gave her. And if I act on it and have her probation revoked, then you'll find out everything anyway. I wanted you to hear it from me, Jamie, before you found out the hard way. I've said before that Molly would hurt us again, and I want to make sure this doesn't come between us." He looked into her eyes, "I love you too much to want this to screw it all up."

It was Jamie's turn to be silent. She thought through everything Kevin had said, everything she had seen with Nick, and finally everything she knew about Nick and Taylor. Kevin sat there nervous, but let her process this all, and waited for her to speak.

"I want to talk to Nick about this," she said finally. Kevin waited for more, but she said nothing.

"Okay," he said cautiously.

"I'm serious, Kev. We need to show him that this can't go on anymore, and it certainly can't be hidden." Kevin relaxed once he heard her say 'we.'

"Don't take this the wrong way Jamie, but you don't sound mad."

She smiled, "Perhaps I should be angrier, but I just can't. Right now what concerns me is what will happen if this goes on much longer. Nick can't keep this from Taylor, it's almost the same as lying to her in her eyes. She's the one I'm worried about. She may seem better, but she's still fragile inside. Mike broke something in her, and it's not fixed yet. I don't know what it is, but she needs all of us to help her through it. If she finds out that we all kept this from her. . ." She shook her head. "The sooner the better, Kev, that's all I know. We need to talk to Nick soon."

Jamie told Taylor the next day that she needed to run some errands in the morning, and that she would meet up with her later in the day. Since Taylor had another doctor appointment and a long therapy session, she agreed to meet in the afternoon.

Jamie drove over to the studio, and parked in a secluded corner behind someone's minivan. She didn't want to risk having the car seen by anyone, especially Taylor, if by some chance she decided to surprise Nick.

Kevin was the only one who knew she was coming to the studio. But he acted just as surprised as the others when she appeared in the control booth alone. They had just finished running through one of the arrangements, so they all decided it was a good time for a break. Kevin asked Nick to come with him, to see what was going on, and Nick agreed and followed him out the door.

Kevin picked Jamie up and gave her a hug, "Hey there baby! What are you doin' here?" Nick looked behind her, "Did you leave Taylor on the side of the road again?" She kissed Kevin, then laughed at Nick, "Nope, she's at the doctor, remember? I just thought I'd come see what my favorite guys are doing. . .so have you seen AJ and D?" Kevin pretended to drop her.

"Kidding, I'm kidding! Did I hurt your feelings, baby?" she asked. Kevin nodded, and Nick sniffed behind them and acted like he would burst into tears. Jamie giggled, then got serious.

"Actually, there's a reason why I'm here." Kevin opened the door to an empty conference room, and beckoned them to come inside. Nick remained where he was, but Jamie tugged on his arm, "C'mon, this involves you, Nicky." He looked surprised and allowed her to lead him in the room.

Jamie closed the door behind Nick, then turned around to face him. "Nicky, I know," she said quietly.

"Know what?"

"Molly." Nick's face drained of color momentarily, and he sank into a chair. He faced Kevin, "You told her?"

"Yes, he did," said Jamie before Kevin could say anything. She moved over to where Nick was seated, and sat down next to him. "I'm not mad, Nicky, Just concerned."

"You don't understand. . ." he started to say.

"Nick, you're right. I don't. I'm not going to pretend I do. But that's not why I want to talk to you. You can explain to me why you're doing this, but you'll do it while Taylor's in the room too."

Nick balked, but Jamie simply put her hand on his. "Nick, you know you need to. Taylor needs to know what's going on. If she finds out from anyone but you, that'll upset her more."

He bowed his head, "I know." He took a deep breath, then looked up. "I know I should have done this from the beginning, but I just couldn't. I guess now's as good a time as any, right?"

"Yeah, it is."

"How mad do you think she'll be?"

"I don't know. Kevin seemed to think I was going be angry, but I'm not. I'm more concerned for you. As for Taylor, I used to be able to tell you exactly what she'd do. But I can't do it anymore."

Nick's brow furrowed. "Why not?"

"Mike. . ." Nick closed his eyes and nodded. He whispered, "When do you want me to tell her?"

"We will tell her tonight, okay? I'll help you, Kev will too, right?" She glanced over at Kevin, who was leaning against the wall, silent during this conversation. When Nick looked his way, Kevin nodded. "We'll all tell her, Kaos."

He breathed a sigh of relief, "Okay, tonight it is."

The four of them had dinner at Nick's. It was a quiet meal and Taylor easily picked up on the tension. As they sat in the living room afterwards, Nick finally broached the subject. Kevin and Jamie supported him and hoped to head off breakdowns in all directions.

Nick wanted Taylor to know so many things. Not just the facts about his relationship with Molly, but every reason he had for being with her, for confiding in her, and for not telling anyone sooner. He paced back and forth, expressing himself the best he knew how. His animated actions as he explained showed how nervous he really was. Obviously emotional, he stopped several times looking for some reaction from Taylor.

Taylor listened intently as he conveyed the story to her, Kevin and Jamie interjecting and attempting to clarify whenever Nick stumbled. She really didn't say much as she assimilated what they said. Consciously, she knew it shouldn't be that big of a deal and Taylor appeared to sit there quietly. But on the inside, her mind splintered into pieces, and each piece reacted differently.

The attorney part of her was furious. Nick had lied to her or neglected to tell her the whole truth. Holding back could have sent Kevin and Nick to jail. As for Taylor and Jamie, they could have been accused of misrepresentation to the court, and they could have both been disbarred. The consequences were huge, and Taylor was appalled by what could have happened. Knowing the full story behind the accusations, however, she knew that not much could come of this information. Bringing it to light now would hurt Molly more than anyone else, and in Taylor's mind bringing her more pain seemed totally unnecessary. Molly's conscience would do that with time, if it hadn't already.

As Nick's friend and lover, she was a little hurt. He had confided in someone else besides her. Deep down she knew that he didn't intend to hurt her emotionally. Nick was human and he was young, and he needed an outlet for all that had happened in the last several months. Taylor knew that Nick's reaction was reasonable. The hurt she felt would subside. This was not going to end their relationship.

But the most severe reaction came from the emotionally wounded, scarred and scared individual that Taylor had become over the past few months. None of this was Nick's fault, it was all because of Taylor. If she hadn't been so cold, so distant, so unreachable. If she hadn't pushed him away. If she hadn't stayed with Mike so long. If she had been a stronger person. If she was prettier or smarter or a million other things. If only she wasn't who she was. If, if, if. No, this wasn't Nick's fault, this was all Taylor's fault.

It wasn't so shocking or surprising to Taylor, it was just her premonitions coming true. In the back of her mind, she was convinced that this was merely a symptom of a larger problem, she just wasn't good enough for Nick. And now everyone knew what she had known all along; she wasn't good enough for anyone at all.

There wasn't much to say after Nick finished. Taylor's reaction was calm and she convinced everyone that she was fine, that she understood. Kevin and especially Jamie offered their love and support to Taylor before they left, allowing Nick and Taylor time to themselves.

Nick watched her as she got ready for bed. She had been quiet since Kevin and Jamie left and the silence was killing him. She moved around the room nervously. Finally, she pulled the blankets down on her side of the bed and just stood there with her head down.

"Taylor?" he asked quietly.

She lifted her eyes to look at him and he saw the blank stare that he had feared would return. He quickly moved over and reached out to touch her arm. "Taylor, can you ever forgive me?"

"No, Nick, I can't," she replied softly. His heart sank and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. He dropped his eyes but she quickly lifted his chin to force him to look at her. "There's nothing to forgive Nick. This wasn't your fault, I don't blame you for anything."

"But I know that. . ." he began.

"Stop Nick. Let it go okay?" She leaned down to kiss him tenderly, "just let it go." He returned her kiss, determined to show her just how much she really meant to him. As Taylor joined him in his quest to express his feelings, the voice echoed menacingly in the back of her mind. That's right Taylor, you know whose fault this is, don't you.

It was cold, and the rain blocked her vision. Taylor was in a field, surrounded by the forest, and she could hear someone coming closer to her. They were coming for her, but she couldn't move. She couldn't get away. The rain drove into her, feeling as if it would flay the skin from her bones. She was huddled in the middle of the field, curled into a small ball, as small as she could get. Perhaps if she made herself small enough, they wouldn't find her.

She looked up suddenly, and all she could see was a hand, reaching for her. Taylor opened her mouth and screamed, hoping the noise would scare whoever this was off. But it didn't, the hand came closer and closer to her. Finally she found she could move and as the hand almost touched her, she scurried backwards, acting like a frightened animal. She held her hands up in front of her, trying to protect herself. But still she was pursued, and she kept backing up and screaming. She had moved across the field, and now was at the edge of the forest. She felt a tree behind her, and she lowered her head, whimpering, and waiting for the inevitable.

Taylor raised her head and found herself on the other side of the forest. She stood on a patch of grassland, and there was a ledge of the cliff behind her. The noise from the driving rain was deafening, but soothing. It blunted the edges of her fear, and soon she was calm. Everything made sense, and she knew what needed to be done. The knowledge made her peaceful and serene.

A figure came stumbling through the brush, and she turned to see Nick standing before her. He stood there, blinking rapidly to get the rain out of his eyes. He was pale and shaking, and had the saddest look on his face. She smiled gently, knowing that it would all be fine. She moved slightly, and said to him, "I love you, Nick, and I want to thank you for trying to help me. You'll never know how much you meant to me. There's nothing you can do to help me now, but trust that I'll be fine." Nick's expression turned horrified as she spoke. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. She smiled again, and stepped backwards.

Free falling, she felt the sense of peace increase. She closed her eyes, still smiling, as the blackness enveloped her. "Wait for me, I'm almost there. Just hold on a little longer. . ."

Taylor woke with a start. She lay in bed, silently listening to the sounds around her. She thought about the dream, and realized it was the same one she had in the hospital. But now it all made sense, she understood what needed to be done. Moving quietly, she slipped out of bed and went into the bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet, she reached for her medication. She stared at the little brown bottle in her hand for a moment, then opened it. She spilled all the white round pills into her hand, shifting them over her palm.

She lifted her hand, then turned it over, watching the pills fall into the toilet. A touch of the handle, and the pills swirled away down the drain. Taylor tossed the empty bottle in the wastepaper basket, ran some cold water over her face, and opened the door.

Nick was moving restlessly in bed, and suddenly he sat straight up yelling, "NO!" He looked around and saw that he was alone in the bed. Sniffling, he reached over to the space where Taylor had been. Taylor stood at the edge of the bed, looking concerned. "Nick? Are you all right?" Nick lifted his gaze to see Taylor standing there. He closed his eyes and shuddered.

"I'm. . .yeah, I'm fine. Just. . . just a dream," he said. He sat up, letting the sheet fall into his lap, and ran his hands over his face and in his hair. Taylor sat next to him, and gathered him in her arms.

"Nick, it's all right. Dreams are good, there's nothing to worry about." He looked at her and started to shake his head no, but looked into her eyes. She nodded, "It's all night, Nick. Just trust everything will be fine." His eyes rounded in shock; Taylor had said something similar in his dream, just before she disappeared over the edge.

Nick found the empty bottle the next morning, but Taylor assured him that it was alright, that she had merely finished up one prescription, and there was another one for her. In truth, there wasn't another bottle nor would there be. After the dream, Taylor decided there was no reason for the medicine any longer. The voice howled in victory, but she ignored it for the moment.

Before Nick left for the studio, he found her at the bay window, watching the waves roll onto the shore. He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and nuzzled her neck before turning her to kiss her. She allowed him to take what he wanted from her, then broke the kiss gently. Nick was surprised, but seeing the flat look in her eyes, he misinterpreted it.

"I'm sorry, Taylor," he repeated.

She smiled faintly. "Yes, I know, you've said it countless times since last night. And I've told you there is nothing to be sorry for. I don't blame you." He nodded, and she turned back to the window.

He let go of her, "Well, I gotta go or I'll be late. See you tonight." And he was gone. See, he couldn't stand to be with you any longer than he has to. And you know why don't you? Taylor gritted her teeth, trying to shut out the voice.

The ringing of the phone was the distraction Taylor needed. The voice retreated back into the depths of her mind as she answered. "Hello?"

"Tails! What's up?" Jamie's bouncy tone got through to Taylor and she automatically reacted in kind.

She smiled, "You know you sound an awful lot like my best friend Jamie, but I know you can't be her, it's way too early in the day for you to be awake and talking, much less be cheerful about it."

Laughter rang out from the other end of the line. "What, you don't think I could ever be cheerful in the morning?"

"The only time you ever are is when you haven't gone to bed yet. . ."

"Oh, I've been to bed, Tails," snickered Jamie.

Taylor rolled her eyes, "Perhaps I should say when you haven't gone to sleep yet." A small fit of coughing sounded in Taylor's ear. "Busted! So why are you calling me anyway?"

"Well it wasn't to announce my nocturnal activities." Taylor bit her lip to keep from laughing outright. "I was calling, Taylor, because since I am awake and since my, um, nocturnal activity has decided to leave me and go to the studio and work, I thought perhaps I should do something equally as productive."

"And what did you have in mind?"

"The realtor found a couple more houses that I think we should look at. And this afternoon I need to go into the office and get some more stuff done so that we can finally get the office going full-time. Interested in joining me for these projects?"

As quickly as the happiness had come, it disappeared again, leaving Taylor with her desolation. The corners of her mouth turned down, and she replied softly, "I am, but I can't do it today."

"Why not?" asked Jamie, not noticing the change in attitude. Taylor hesitated for a moment, then replied, "There are things I need to get done around here."

"Oh, okay. Well, do you mind if I go scout out the houses then? If there are any I think you'd like, we can both go again later."

"Go ahead, knock yourself out. Have a good time."

"I will, and like I said, I'll let you know what I find. Talk to you later?"

"Sure," said Taylor, and ended the call. She returned to the window. She sounded happy that you weren't going with her, relieved even. No one wants you around, Taylor, there's nothing for you here. Nothing. Taylor closed her eyes, but the voice continued its endless taunting, telling her over and over again how worthless and unwanted she was. She opened her eyes, and stared blankly at the ocean, as the voice pulled her deeper into the undertow of despair.

Taylor stayed by the window all day, and when Nick returned home late that night, he assumed she had just gotten ready for bed and was waiting for him. She didn't resist when he led her upstairs to the bedroom, and said little when he began to make love to her. Her body reacted the way Nick expected, but her mind wasn't in it as Taylor retreated further and further into another depressive state. Having satisfied himself, Nick didn't seem to notice her lack of real response towards him. He held her as he fell asleep, but Taylor remained awake, imprisoned both by his grasp and the taunting voice.

The downward spiral continued the rest of the week. Taylor made excuses, leaving Jamie to househunt and set up shop on her own. Needing to do the work and feeling pressured to get it finished quickly, Jamie didn't realize Taylor was withdrawing into herself again. She accepted Taylor's excuses, and went on with her plans.

Nick was equally as busy, since the end of recording was in sight. He left early for the studio and came home late. He had no idea Taylor spent every day by the window listening to the voices and drowning in self-doubt, depression and despair. He noticed her sadness, but he chalked it up to her reacting to the situation with him and Molly. Nick believed that although she said it wasn't a problem and he wasn't to blame, that deep down she did blame him. He said nothing about it, partially because he was tired from working, and partially because he figured she would work through it and everything would be fine as she had said it would be. He was so blissful being in a relationship with Taylor that he failed to recognize it as being similar to her behavior when she first came to Florida.

The fifth night, Taylor had the dream again. She woke again with a start, and for once the voice was silent. She closed her eyes again, reveling in the serenity, and knowing what had to be done. Tomorrow, it would all be over.

Taylor looked carefully around the foyer, taking in as many memories as she could before she left. She breathed deeply, inhaling the scents of the place that brought her more happiness than she ever thought was possible for her. It smelled like Nick. . .and juniper berries, her two favorite things in the whole world. The cab driver honked the horn and she grabbed her bag and walked to the front door. She turned one last time, closed her eyes and said a prayer that Nick would be happy. All she had ever wanted was Nick's happiness. She opened her eyes, gave one last look, then walked out onto the front steps, shutting and locking the door behind her one last time.

His heart splintered for the millionth time as he reached once again into his suit jacket and pulled out the letter she had left him that morning. He had handled it so much over the week since he got it that it looked years old, complete with ragged edges, blurred and faded writing, and tearstains. The tears came back as he read it yet again.

Dearest Nick - 

Please know that none of this is your fault, and whatever happens, don't ever blame yourself. I don't and I couldn't. Also know that I love you with all of my heart and soul, and that is exactly the reason that I need to leave. Love is too hard and I'm not strong enough to handle it right now. I probably will never be strong enough. You deserve someone who will let you in and love you as easily as you love them. I just can't do that. It's not you - it's me.

I forgive you for not telling me about Molly. I understand that you needed someone you could open up to - since I wouldn't let you truly open up to me. I never did make it easy for you, did I? I know that now and subconsciously, I'm sure I knew it then too. Your confiding in her just made me realize how little emotional support I really have to offer to you - another reason you'll be so much better off without me.

I want you to go on, be happy and find the real love of your life; someone who can share in your joys and your sorrows, not just BE your sorrow. Please do that for me. I'm going to move on too, the best that I can. I'll never forget how it felt though, if only for a few fleeting moments, to be loved so honestly and so deeply by you. If only I could have returned that love the way I needed to and the way I should have; the way you should be loved, Nick. The way you deserve to be loved. You WILL be loved that way someday, I promise you that, but it just can't be me.

What I have to offer isn't good enough for you, and it never could be, that is why I have to go. Just know that every thought of you will bring a smile to my face and every memory will give me strength and remind me that happiness and love, although elusive, do exist for those who deserve it.

Wishing you the purest of love and the happiest of lives,

My love always,

Taylor

It hadn't taken long. Everything happened so fast that no one had time to reflect on where anything and everything went wrong. By the time Nick realized Taylor had left for good, she was on a flight back to Oklahoma City and Mike.

After ranting and raving until he was exhausted, Nick fell into a deep depression and holed himself up in his house for two days. He refused to talk to or see anyone. No one knew what to do, Jamie included. Taylor hadn't called her, she hadn't called anyone. Even her sister had no idea what to do, but they were all frightened for Nick and Taylor.

It was late when Jamie and Kevin showed up at Nick's house. It had been four days since Taylor had left Florida. He was groggy when he answered the door and found a very disheveled Kevin trying to hold up Jamie, who was openly crying.

"What, what happened?" Nick asked frantic.

Neither Kevin or Jamie were in any shape to answer him. They slid by him and sat down in the living room. Nick still hadn't moved anything out and the room was filled with remnants and reminders of Taylor. Jamie took one look around the room, then began another round of tears, turning her face into Kevin's already soaked shoulder.

"Damnit, Kev, what's wrong? I'm the one that's supposed to be falling apart. . ." Nick was now wide-eyed with worry, he had never seen Jamie react this way before.

Kevin looked at Nick, his eyes brimming with sorrow. Without saying a word, Kevin pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it, handing it to Nick. It was a fax, a police report from the Oklahoma City PD.

He quickly scanned the page and just as quickly burst out sobbing. Mike had had the last word after all. He had beaten Taylor up one last time, and this time he killed her. Then, unable to deal with what he had done, the weak bastard had killed himself. It was over, for Taylor at least, it was finally over.

Nick wiped his eyes and folded the letter up as he heard Kevin slip quietly into the room. A gentle hand touched his shoulder and he turned to look at Kevin with bloodshot eyes.

"I still can't believe she's gone Kev. . ."

Kevin leaned down and embraced Nick as the younger man cried into his shoulder. "I know Nick, I know." Nick cried for the friend he'd lost, the heartache he'd suffered and for all of the experiences that he and Taylor would never have.

Somehow the guys managed to get Nick and Jamie through the memorial service and then out to the cemetery for the burial. Ironically enough, Taylor was buried in southern Kentucky, in the same plot as her parents and grandparents. They sky was clear and the wind was still as the minister performed the service. The hilltop cemetery was very small and very old, but nicely kept. It was surrounded with trees and wildflowers and had an airy peacefulness about it. Taylor's headstone was already in place, part of a set that she and her sister had made when their parents died.

Jamie sat next to Taylor's sister and Nick sat next to Jamie. They both sat stonefaced, listening intently to the drone of the minister with the airy sounds of the countryside in the background. For a moment Nick pondered whether anyone was there to grieve for Mike. When the minister finished everyone simply mingled around. There was no reception to go to, this was their last chance to say goodbye.

Her sister was there, along with her niece and nephew, and a few random family members that still lived in the area or close enough to come. But there really wasn't that many people. As best she could manage, Jamie introduced Nick and the others to those she recognized. None of Taylor's family seemed to know that she and Nick had been together, they all assumed he was just there as a friend. Nick was cordial and polite to all of them as they exchanged condolences, but only the guys and Jamie truly understood the extent of Nick's loss.

Jamie. She seemed to be on auto-pilot. She wasn't upbeat by any stretch of the imagination but she was functional, maybe a little too functional. Kevin watched as she fluttered from person to person, talking and consoling when she was really the one who needed to be consoled. He was at a loss. He wanted so much to help but other than being a shoulder to cry on for both her and Nick, there wasn't much he could do. He and the other guys were upset about Taylor's death, but it was clear that their pain couldn't touch Nick or Jamie's.

Kevin walked over to join Howie, Brian and AJ as Jamie led Nick around the small crowd. They talked about Jamie and Taylor and Nick and everything else that had happened to them as a group over the last year or so. They realized that as much as things changed between them, like Nick and Kevin getting closer because of Jamie and Taylor, one thing hadn't changed at all; they were still a group. The group had come to include Jamie and Taylor and this fact wasn't lost in the conversation. They had always drawn their strength from one another and they vowed to do what they could to help Nick and Jamie, and each other, through this.

Everyone else was gone. Jamie and Nick wanted some time by themselves at the cemetery. Kevin reluctantly left with the others and went back to the hotel.

They sat next to each other under a tree, holding hands, grieving together. It was almost dusk and a quiet calm settled in around them.

Nick broke the silence, "It wasn't supposed to end like this ya know." He looked over at Jamie who simply nodded. "I should have noticed she wasn't happy, I should have seen it coming. I was supposed to be the hero, the one who got her out and made it all better. I was supposed to give her the fairytale ending. I could have saved her Jamie, I SHOULD have saved her."

"Nick. . ." Jamie said, reaching out to wipe the tears from Nick's eyes, "I feel the same way, trust me. I should have seen the signs. . .but I think we both know that there wasn't anything we could do. This was something that. . ." she stopped, trying to collect herself, "something we couldn't control. It's easier to blame ourselves than to admit that there was nothing we could do."

"I know, but. . ." he said sniffling, "I just, it's not fair." He paused for a moment and looked skyward, "you know, I was listening to the minister and I realized that I didn't even know what religion she was." Nick straightened up and looked at Jamie, "There are so many things that I never got to find out about her. I could guess, but I don't know for a fact what her favorite color was, or her favorite food, or what kind of pets she had when she was little, or. . ."

Jamie smiled and stopped him. "Nick, those aren't the things that are really important. What's important is that you know that she loved you and that you love her. That's all that matters."

"Yeah, but I'm just afraid that I'll forget. . .and I don't want to forget her Jamie, I just can't."

"You won't Nick, not if you don't want to. She'll always be right here," she said, pointing to his heart.

Nick was silent for a while, then asked softly, "Tell me about her, Jaim?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything, just tell me anything you can, anything that will make me feel like she's still here."

Jamie stared off in the distance. Then leaning up against the tree and Nick, she began talking. A breeze suddenly came up, ruffling Nick's hair lightly. He closed his eyes, and the wind caressed his face. He could almost believe it was Taylor's touch, and he thought he could faintly hear her laughter as Jamie told him everything she could remember about her friend.

The next few months weren't easy for anyone. Nick, Kevin and Jamie spent several weeks in Kentucky after Taylor's funeral. Staying with Kevin's family was good for them all. It was serene and gave them a chance to reflect and to heal. Nick drove down to the cemetery everyday for a week, two hours each way. Kevin wasn't sure this was such a good idea but Jamie tried to reassure him that it was okay and that this was Nick's way of dealing with things.

Each day Nick took flowers and a juniper berry candle to her grave. There was a little spot carved out in the headstone and he would put the candle there, light it and then just sit there and talk to Taylor. There were so many things that he wanted her to know and he hoped that somehow, someway, she heard what he was saying.

His heart told him that she did hear him and he knew it was time to start letting go. He wouldn't forget, but he had to let go. The last day he spent at the cemetery was a dark and dreary one. He sat there crying until well after dark, waiting for the last candle to burn down. When it went out, he knew it was time. He had said his goodbye so many times before it seemed like there wasn't anything left to say so he simply leaned down and kissed her headstone, then walked away.

Jamie and Nick starting spending a great deal of time together. Kevin didn't mind; he understood why they needed each other and Nick made sure he didn't interfere with their personal time. Nick and Jamie talked it over and decided that it might be a good idea to see a therapist to help them through this. Kevin and the others agreed and supported them wholeheartedly. Nick and Jamie went to the therapist together and that helped as well.

At first they both blamed themselves for all that happened, then they blamed Mike, and then they blamed God, and the list went on and on. They couldn't bring themselves to blame Taylor and they probably never would. As much as it may have helped them, neither one could be mad at Taylor for leaving them.

Slowly they came to understand what really happened. Taylor had just given up fighting everything. Her whole life had been one emotional struggle after another and she was just tired of fighting. In her mind, going back to Mike was just returning to something she was used to, something familiar, something bearable. To Taylor, the pain she suffered during her own inner battles was much greater than any physical pain Mike could ever inflict upon her.

The new album was finally released, and the guys did some promotional traveling for it before they started rehearsals for the new tour. Jamie had immersed herself in work, getting the branch office up and running, but she would sneak away to travel with Kevin whenever she could. Things settled down and everyone seemed to be moving on. They were all healing at their own pace.

No one was surprised that Nick couldn't bring himself to date anyone, not even casually, but they all hoped that would come with time. That was something not even Jamie could help him with.

Nick came home late one night from rehearsal to find a Federal Express package waiting for him. He noted the return address was from Oklahoma City, and he cringed. "What now? What the hell is this?" he wondered to himself.

Hesitantly, he opened the package. Inside the box was a leather case and a letter from a law firm in Oklahoma City.

Mr. Carter:

Enclosed please find a bequest to you from Ms. Taylor Brett. Her estate has been officially closed for some time, but this was a personal bequest that was not discovered until recently.

Should you have any questions or concerns regarding this distribution please feel free to contact our office. . .

Nick's mind spun, he wasn't sure how he felt about this. Had she known she was going to die? Is that why she left him something? He calmed down and decided that whatever it was, he could deal with it.

He carefully unzipped the leather case and opened it. Tears came to his eyes as he looked inside. Lying on top was another letter, this one with his name handwritten on the outside. He put the case beside him on the sofa and pulled the letter from its envelope.

Dear Nick,

As I write this letter I think of the oddity of all of this. I'm writing this a week after your trial so I've only known you a short time. Since I have no idea when or if you will ever get this letter or the gift with it, I guess this is my chance to write to you all of the things that I'm not strong enough to say to you personally. Bear with me if none of this makes sense; I suppose this is my weak attempt at expressing myself openly.

First, let me apologize for the way that I've treated you at times. There are so many reasons I can give for that, but honestly, none are really good. Let's just leave it at two short ones. One, you were my client. I have this attorney mode thing I do and unfortunately, it's not going to win me any congeniality awards. Two, and definitely the stronger of them, I'm scared, more scared of me than you, and you'll probably see why as I drone on.

I'm sitting here tonight, staring out the window at the moonlight with a glass of wine and a cheesy romance novel. As I read the simple words in the fairytale I couldn't help but think of you. I remember the evening we spent at your house in that wonderful room looking out to the ocean. It was peaceful and calming and for just a moment I felt safe and comfortable. You kissed me that night. I really wish I could tell you how that made me feel but I don't think I know any words to describe it to you. In so many ways Nick, you really are Prince Charming. Okay, maybe you aren't really Prince Charming, but I'm going to pretend you are. :)

I know it sounds strange that a grown woman would still have fairytale fantasies like Prince Charming and castles, but most of the time, that's the only happiness I have. I'm not going to bore you with details but let's just say that I haven't had the easiest life imaginable. Knowing the little bit you do about Mike you could probably guess that though, right? Anyway, the point is that when I met you, I was reminded of the place in my mind and in my heart where I feel special. I felt safe with you. I still do, and maybe I always will.

I hope that I'm not embarrassing myself here (posthumously, of course, although I suppose it would hard to blush if I'm dead right? - that’s a joke, Nick - it's okay to laugh :). If I am embarrassing you then just consider reading this your good deed for the day. The point is that when I was with you I felt something really special. I'm not sure if it was love or lust or friendship or whatever. I just know that is was something that I have never felt before, and I wanted to thank you in some way.

Okay, now on to the gift. This clarinet was given to me a long time ago by my paternal grandmother whom I was named after. She played it when she was young and graciously passed it along to me before she died. She was graceful and loving and passionate and probably the only person I truly looked up to when I was little. I wanted to be her when I grew up.

This clarinet was one of the few things that brought me joy. It was precious to me not only because it came from my grandmother but also because when I played it I actually felt like I was accomplishing something. It made me happy, the same happiness I felt when I was with you that evening.

It is my hope that we got to know each other enough for you to understand how much this meant to me. It was a very special part of my life and I guess I'm just hoping that you will become another special part of my life. Or at the very least, two of the few things in life that I really cared about will be together after I'm gone.

I know that you may never get this letter, or the clarinet, and I also know that we will probably never see each other again, but a girl can dream can't she? Honestly, my dreams are pretty much all I have to keep me company, Nick. My reality is not much fun. At least now I have a face and a voice and a personality to put with my idea of Prince Charming. Whether you know it or not, you'll always be in my heart and in my dreams.

Love always,

Taylor