Only Hope by BSBSavedMyLife
Summary:

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Heather is the love of A.J.'s life. When she falls ill during the Unbreakable tour, he finds himself losing grip of his faith in God. Unable to keep his faith, he struggles to stay strong for Heather. Can he make it through this or will he crack under the pressure?
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: None
Genres: Drama
Warnings: Graphic Sexual Content
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: No Word count: 1851 Read: 788 Published: 10/26/09 Updated: 10/26/09
Story Notes:
Originally titled "You Know How I Feel"

1. Chapter 1 by BSBSavedMyLife

Chapter 1 by BSBSavedMyLife
A.J. linked his fingers with Heather’s as she laid her head on his chest. He lovingly kissed the top of her head and softly sighed to himself. He gently rubbed his hand on her back as she draped her arm over his torso. The two were lying in his bunk, enjoying each other’s embrace. The bus was semi quiet for a change. A.J. could hear the soft laughter of Nick in the back room, muffled by the sound of a movie playing on the television. He closed his eyes and relaxed his body with Heather in his arms. A.J. was content with his world at that moment. He couldn’t imagine a more perfect moment. Being on tour and holding the love of his life in his arms was all he needed. He felt as if nothing could go wrong with her by his side. He opened his eyes and saw Heather looking up at him with her bright blue eyes. A.J. gently stroked her cheek as she smiled at him.

“Baby, you are the most wonderful man in the world,” Heather whispered in his ear.

A.J. smiled and kissed her. “And you are the most wonderful woman in the world.”

Heather kissed him back and looked into his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said then kissed her again.

Heather smiled and snuggled up to him. He nuzzled her neck as he held her close. A.J. couldn’t help but smile; he was very much in love with Heather. She was the first woman who came into his life after rehab and for almost six solid years, she’d been his rock. He was happiest whenever she was around and he was convinced that she was his soul mate. No other woman has understood him as well as she has. He couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else.
A.J. rested his chin on the top of her head as she laid in his arms. He couldn’t help but breathe deep to smell her perfume. The alluring scent made him dizzy with love and passion. He linked his fingers with hers and softly kissed her hand. Heather buried her head in his chest as A.J. ran his fingers through her long, soft, burgundy hair. She sighed softly as he continued to twirl her locks within his fingers.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked gently.

“Nothing, I’m just really tired,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

“Mmm hmm,” she murmured. “You’re making me fall asleep by doing that.”

A.J. smiled as he continued to stroke her hair. “So, go to sleep,” he said as he studied his own movements with her hair. “I’m not going anywhere and we’re not stopping any time soon.”

“Okay,” she whispered and snuggled closer to him.

A.J. pulled the blankets over them and held her tight. Heather sighed softly as closed her eyes. Her breathing slowed a little and within minutes, she had drifted off to sleep. He watched her sleep for a while and felt his own eyes droop with fatigue. A.J. yawned silently and closed his eyes. He drifted off to sleep without much struggle.

Completely unaware that he’d fallen asleep, A.J. was shaken awake to the sound of Nick laughing. He looked around and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Heather still laid beside him, fast asleep. A.J. picked up his cell phone that was sitting in the corner of the bunk. He squinted as he looked at the time. Not even two hours had passed since they’d fallen asleep. Nick continued to laugh and A.J. carefully leaned over to pull the curtain back. Nick was wrestling with Brian in the walkway of the bus and both of them were being loud with their horseplay. Heather softly stirred and A.J was becoming annoyed at the thought of them waking her up. He sighed and opened the curtain a little wider to catch their attention.

“Hey!” A.J. said in a semi-loud tone. “Could you guys knock it off? Heather’s trying to sleep.”

Nick peeked his head into the bunk. “Sorry about that, Alex.”

“It’s fine,” A.J. said. “Just keep it down, please.”

“No problem,” Brian said. “We should finish that movie,” he said to Nick.

“Alright, cool,” Nick said and shut the curtain to A.J.’s bunk.

A.J. rolled his eyes and drew his attention back to Heather. She was awake and blinking her eyes, obviously still tired. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

“What was that?” she asked while yawning.

“Just Nick and Brian goofing off,” he said. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said as she snuggled back up to him. “Oh, my god I feel exhausted.”

“It’s probably because we stayed up too late last night,” A.J. said as he started playing with her hair again. “Just go back to sleep, baby. I’ll wake you when we stop.”

“Okay,” she with another yawn.

“I love you,” he whispered into her ear.

Heather didn’t respond. She just softly moaned and nuzzled her head against his chest. He smiled and rubbed her back until she fell back to sleep. A.J. kissed the top of her head and laid there with her in his arms. The bus was now quiet except for the faint sounds of the television at the back of the bus. He listened to the soft humming of the bus for a while then decided to get up. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to go back to sleep. A.J. carefully wiggled out from underneath Heather and climbed out of the bunk.

“Where are you going?” she whined in a groggy voice.

A.J. leaned back into the bunk and kissed her forehead. “I can’t sleep, so I’m gonna read for a little while. Is that okay?”

“Okay,” she said as she grabbed his pillow and curled into a ball.

A.J. smiled and shut the curtain. He grabbed his book from out of his bag and made his way to the front of the bus. Howie and Leigh were playing a game of Yahtz-ee at the table. Howie stared intently at his dice and shook his head at the crappy set of numbers in front of him, an obvious sign that Leigh had won the game. Leigh looked up at A.J. and smiled as she gathered the dice from off the table.

“Hey, you wanna play?” she asked as she put the dice in the cup. “We just finished up a game.”

“No, I’m just gonna read for a while,” he said while holding up his book. “Thanks though.”

“Okie dokie then,” Leigh replied. “Howard, do you wanna play another game?”

He laughed and shook his head. “No, you keep beating me. I’m done.”

She snickered at him and put the game away. “Maybe if you laid off the Aass Beer, you could win a game or two,” she teased.

“Oh, funny,” he said with a smirk.

A.J. laughed and sat in a seat across from him. “She has a point.”

“Shut up,” Howie said as he took a sip of his beer. “It’s not the beer.”

“So, you just suck then,” A.J. said with a cackle.

“Aren’t you supposed to be reading?” Howie snapped back.

“Maybe,” A.J. said with a grin.

Howie picked up his beer and looked at his wife. “I think we should join Nick and Brian.”

“Alright, honey,” she said then followed him to the back of the bus.

A.J. softly chuckled to himself as he opened his book to the page he had marked. It was a new hobby he started. Reading helped him stay centered while on tour. He’d picked up the habit from Nick. It was a way for him to relax without resorting to substance. He usually read the same books as Heather, but he fell behind during his hectic schedule. Since she was asleep, it was the perfect time to catch up with her.

An hour had passed and he found himself engrossed in the book. He’d just finished another chapter when Heather came and sat beside him. She had the blanket wrapped around her and her IPod playing. A.J. smiled at her as she laid her head on his shoulder.

“Hey, you,” he said as laid his head on top of hers. “What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she mumbled then looked at him. “I hate to say this, but I think I’m getting sick. I keep having hot and cold flashes.”

A.J. looked at her in concern and felt her forehead. “You do feel a little warm, but not too bad.”

“Ugh,” Heather whined. “I hate it when I get sick.”

A.J. looked up from his book and kissed her cheek. “When we stop, it’s straight to bed for you.”

“I was just in bed and that got me nowhere,” she complained.
“So, you’ll sleep some more,” he replied as he turned the page.

“How far have you gotten?” she asked as she peeked at the book, dodging the sleeping debate.

“I just finished chapter ten,” he said with a sigh. “It’s going to take me a bit to get up to chapter thirty with you,” he replied with a chuckle.

“That’s alright,” Heather said with a smile. “I can hold off reading until you catch up.”

“Works for me,” he replied then kissed her. “But I get to pick the next book. This one is too damn long.”

“Deal,” she said with a smile. “Go ahead and read, baby. I’m just gonna sit here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she said as she linked her arms around his right arm.

“Okay,” A.J. said as he went back to reading.

Heather cleared her throat and flipped through the music on her IPod. He smirked as she skipped over her collection of Backsteet Boys music. Heather looked over at him and hid her grin as she hit the play button. He playfully rolled his eyes and kissed her flushed cheek.

“You really do feel warm,” he said in concern.

“Told you I was getting sick,” she said with a sigh.

A.J. shut his book and stood up. “Come on, we’re going back to the bunk.”

“Baby, it’s fine,” Heather replied as she tightened the blanket around herself.

“Being stubborn isn’t going to get you anywhere,” he said as he offered her his hand. “I’m going to lay down with you.”

“Fine,” Heather said as she followed him back to the bunk.

He let her in first and laid next to her. A.J. adjusted the blankets and pillows and took her into his arms. Heather changed the song on her IPod and laid it on top of his stomach as she placed her head on his chest. He gently rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head.

“You don’t have to sleep,” he mumbled. “Just rest.”

“Okay,” Heather said softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” A.J. replied then shut the curtain.
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