When Kimberly and Ashley got off the plane it was getting close to five PM. They had a layover in Missouri for about an hour in a half. The flight took far too long. The boys’ show was getting close to starting. Kimberly knew they were probably in rehearsals, but she had no idea where she was going or what they were going. She thought AJ was going to meet them, but then a familiar voice filled their ears.
“Thanks so much for coming.”
Kimberly turned around to see the dark haired beauty. She half smiled and embraced her into a hug, “Hi, Angel.”
Angel looked at her with her moist eyes and embraced her into a tight squeeze, “I’m so sorry, Kim,” she whimpered.
Before Kimberly knew it the girl was crying. She looked at her confused, “What are you talking about? What are you sorry for?”
She pulled away and wiped her swelling eyes, “For everything that I’ve caused. I hate what I have done to you and Nick.”
Kimberly shook her head, “You haven’t done anything,” she reassured her. “What I did was because I felt I had to. It had nothing to do with you or AJ. Nick is happier without me…despite what you must think.”
Angel shook her head, “No, Kim. He isn’t…trust me on this. I have never seen my brother more miserable than he is now. He wasn’t even this bad when Paris did all that shit to him. You need to believe me on that.”
Kimberly swallowed hard as she could feel a lump forming in her throat. Seeing the pain in Angel’s brown eyes and sincerity she knew that she couldn’t be lying. If Nick were happy they wouldn’t have set all this up, would they have? She cleared his throat, “What’s…what’s wrong with him?”
“Everything! Come on, I’ll tell you on the way to the hotel.”
Kimberly looked back at Ashley and they walked to the car that was waiting for them. During the car ride Angel began to tell the girls about Nick and his behavior. She told them about their big fight and how she hadn’t really spoken to him in almost a month. Things were bad. Kevin called her up because he was concerned about Nick. He was always out drinking and hooking up with random girls and then last week she got the scare of her life when AJ called her that he was in the hospital. Kimberly could feel her eyes swell up as she could hear the distraught in Angel’s voice. She truly cared for her brother’s wellbeing and Kimberly was afraid for him…more than before. She thought maybe AJ was exaggerating a bit, but from the tone of Angel’s voice she could see it was all true. Suddenly Kimberly got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She shouldn’t have waited this long…she should have just went with her heart and picked up that damn phone and called him. She should have told him how terribly sorry she was, leaving him was such a stupid mistake.
Nick could feel the sweat roll down his face, he tripped at least three times. Kevin was getting frustrated with him, but he contained his temper. Nick knew he was fucking up so finally the fourth time he got it. There was still an hour until the show began and he wanted nothing more than to have a good drink.
“Man, that was rough,” muttered AJ.
Nick looked at him and nodded, “Yeah, just a bit.” He ran his hand over his face, to remove some of the sweat, “I don’t know what my deal is today. Usually I’m better at the steps.” He just shrugged, “It’s probably because I needed a drink,” he said with a smirk.
AJ looked at him concerned, “A drink before the show, Nick?”
He could hear the disapproval in AJ’s voice and he looked at him annoyed, “Yeah, so what? You do it all the time.”
“I haven’t in a while.”
He rolled his blue eyes, “Yeah, well good for you. I’ll be in the hotel taking a shower until the show begins.”
AJ sighed as he watched him leave. He shook his head in dismay. He felt his phone vibrate and he picked it up, “Hello…Angel, hi. Is she there…Good…No, I’ll be right there!” He knew if anything was going to help his buddy it would be Kimberly. He hated himself for treating her the way he had…all because he was selfish, “I’ll be back,” he said to Kevin, as he walked over towards the exit.
“Where are you going?” He demanded, “And where did Nick go?”
AJ didn’t want to rat out his friend, but he knew him having a drink before the show was a terrible idea. Maybe Kimberly would sober him up? Maybe he’d finally get his act together? Only one could wish. He shrugged, “I don’t know,” he lied. “Back to the hotel to relax before the show begins.”
Kevin’s green eyes burned with annoyance, “We have to get ready!”
“Dude, chill. We have over an hour. The opening act takes about half an hour, so don’t worry. He’ll be here.” At least he had better be there…Nick was once again walking on thin ice. Ever since his break up with Kimberly, he was worse than he had ever been. “Well, I gotta run. Be back later.”
Kevin raised one of his thick eyebrows and crossed his arms, “Where are you going?” He demanded.
He let out a small sigh, “Okay, if you really wanna know…Kim is here.”
His green eyes expanded, “What? Does…does Nick know?!?”
AJ shook his head, “No. I called her up last night. I pretty much had to beg for her to come down.”
“Why the hell would you do something like that, Alex?!?” He demanded, “This is a bad idea…a very bad idea! This is going to kill the kid.”
He shook his head, “No, Kev. This is what is going to save him. I fucked up big time by doing what I did to tear them apart. I’m the reason why she left him and I’m going to be the reason they get back together. Nick is still fucking love sick from her and when I told her how bad he was, she was frantic. She loves him too…it’ll work out. I’m going to fix the mess I made. Look, I gotta go. I’ll tell you how it goes.”
Kevin watched as AJ rushed out of the studio and all he could do was shake his head in empathy. He prayed AJ was right and things did get work between the two, but he knew it wasn’t very likely.
Angel took Kimberly and Ashley to the hotel that AJ had booked for them. Waiting at the front door was Ray. Ashley could feel her heart going into overdrive as it thumped loudly in her chest. She ran over to him and he wrapped his arms around her like a net so she couldn’t escape. Kimberly smiled as she saw the care she had for him in her eyes. She hadn’t seen her best friend look like that at many guys and it made her happy that finally she found that person. Kimberly then felt a twinge of pain rush through her as she remembered how her and Nick were once like that. She remembered how they could never keep their hands off each other. Oh how she missed him. She missed the way he would breathe into her ear, the way he’d call her Baby Angel…she missed his touch. He could give her goosepbumps just by simply tracing his finger on her arm. She inhaled deeply. She wasn’t here to get him back, she was here to see if he was alright. That was it. Right?
“Come on, let’s go inside,” gently ordered Angel.
Kimberly nodded and followed her. She could hear Ashley giggling behind her as Ray kissed her neck playfully as they followed. Kimberly closed her eyes to force the tears to stay in her eyes. She should be happy that her best friend finally had someone; she had been alone for such a long time. She hated how their love and affection reminded her of how she and Nick used to be. It just wasn’t fair. Every song on the radio, every happy couple made her think of them.
When they walk inside the hotel room they found AJ sitting down on the sofa. It caused Ashley and Kimberly to jump. He smiled apologetically, “Sorry.” He stood up and walked over, he tenderly wrapped his arms around Kimberly. She was unsure what to do, but she embraced him as well. She wasn’t used to him being so nice to her…after all he did hate her. “Thanks for coming,” he said, once he pulled away.
She nodded, “Any…anything for Nick,” she choked out. She cleared her throat, “So where is he?”
“In his room,” he answered.
“Okay…so tell him to come here?” She said, unsure of why he wasn’t there yet.
He sighed and sat down, “He um…he doesn’t exactly know that you’re here.”
Her green eyes expanded, “What? Why didn’t you tell him?” She demanded.
“Because…it was a surprise.”
“A surprise?!?” She spat angrily.
“Please Kim, don’t be mad,” he pleaded. “I just didn’t know what else to do. I’ve never been this worried about him before.”
Kimberly sat down on a chair and ran her hands through her hair, “What am I supposed to say?”
“Exactly how you feel,” interrupted Ashley.
She shook her head, “I can’t do that,” she said almost above a whisper.
“And why not?” Questioned Ray as he walked over to Ashley and wrapped his arm around her.
Kimberly watched in agony as Ashley moved into him and rested her head on his shoulder. Ray’s lips against her forehead. She inhaled deeply and turned her head, trying to fight the tears back, but it was a lost battle and she could feel a few slowly rolling down her cheeks, “Because,” she choked out. “I don’t want him to see how terrible I am without him.” She then looked back at AJ with her moist eyes, “I don’t want to make it any harder than it has to be.”
“Stop this,” ordered Ashley. “You miss him so much it’s killing you, Kim. Swallow your fucking pride and just tell him how much you love and miss him. It’s not that hard,” she reassured.
“Yes it is,” she muttered and looked to the floor. Feeling tears dripping from the tip of her nose.
Angel walked over to her and sat down next to her on the arm rest, “Why?” She whispered, “Why is it so hard to tell my brother how you really feel?”
She looked at Angel with suffering eyes, “Because if he’s with me it’ll ruin his life. Look at all the things he’s accomplished since I was out of the picture. The band is back together, you guys are on tour, you worked on a new CD. If I were still with him, he would have been – ”
“Happy,” interjected AJ.
Kimberly wiped her eyes and looked at him, “What?” She asked, as she sniffled.
“When he was with you, I’ve never seen him happier. Even if he wasn’t in BSB he’d still be happy…if he was with you. He loves you Kim, and I fucked that up. Now I’m here to fix it. Please, you have to talk to him. Just talk…explain your feelings…he’s going to kill himself if he keeps up this life style up.”
Angel nodded, “I agree with him. I’ve never seen Nick act so reckless before. Even after Paris he wasn’t this bad. So like AJ said, just talk to him. What can it hurt?”
A lot, Kimberly thought. She knew the moment she saw Nick in the state they claimed he was in, it was going to kill her. She let out a loud sigh, “Okay…I’ll talk to him.” What other choice did she have? They were giving her the biggest guilt trip of her life. If she didn’t do what they asked he may die. The love of her life die? That thought frightened her more than anything in the entire world.
When Nick entered his hotel room the first thing he did was go into the bathroom. He stripped out of his clothes and set the shower. He allowed the lucid water to beat down on his body. He leaned his head back and soaked his hair and he tried to ignore the throbbing in his chest. It had been over a month, so why was he still feeling like this? He prayed the pain would just vanish. Her face haunted his mind. It seemed like everything reminded him of her. He never was so hung up over one person before. Why couldn’t he just get over it and get on with his life? He felt like someone was fucking with his mind. He felt like he was under some sort of dark spell. He wanted her out of his head; he wanted to stop thinking about her. Was that really too much to ask?
Nick didn’t notice the water turned drastically cold. His mind was racking with memories. He thought about the time they showered together and he thought about the time where they stayed at Ray’s for a week straight and did nothing but show constant affection. He loved the way she would just snuggle into him on the couch, the way she would sit on his lap. A small smile formed across his lips as he remembered her waking him up to the best blow job any man could ever imagine. It wasn’t just the sex because God knows the sex was unbelievable, but it was the way she did things. The way he saw the care in her jade eyes. He closed his eyes and could feel his heart being punctured all over again. Things would never go back to the way they used to be, he had to face reality. He knew if it wasn’t the drinking that would kill him, it was going to be the heartache. He let out a loud sigh then quickly turned off the foist and opened the curtain feeling the cool air hit his skin causing him to shiver.
Once he changed into some clothes he walked into the kitchen and went to grab a beer. He then eyed a bottle of Jack Daniels and opened up the cabinet and grabbed it. It was much stronger than beer and if he wanted to attempt to perform tonight, he knew he needed to at least be a little numb. If he sang one of those heart wrenching break up songs and she was in his mind, he’d cry like a little bitch. Last thing he needed was to get shit on because he couldn’t keep it together. After he grabbed the warm bottle, he retreated into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch. He glanced at the round wooden clock on the wall and saw he had about forty five minutes until the opening act went on…and then the guys would have to be on stage in about an hour in a half. He had time. He flicked on the TV and saw there was a Disney World commercial. As he watched it, he could feel a lump in his throat form and his heart squeezed in agony. Memories came flooding into his mind. Memories of that day. He swallowed hard trying to force the lump down as he remembered taking her there for her birthday and oh man was it ever a good birthday. He loved the way she would tease him in that sundress that she had worn, the way the wind would blow it just enough to where it drove him mad with sexual desire. Then he took her to the bathroom and made her birthday the best birthday she had ever had, ravishing her against the wall. He had to close his eyes to block the tears from emerging. He grabbed the bottle of booze and took a long gulp. He needed this pain to stop. He needed it to end, this was killing him, fucking killing him. He laid his head back on the arm rest of the couch and threw his arm over his eyes, feeling liquid leak from his eyes.
Nick then heard a soft knock at the door, he groaned knowing it was probably Kevin checking up on him. That was so like him. Last time he checked Kevin wasn’t his father. “Go away,” he mumbled, he wasn’t sure if it was loud enough to be heard. He then took another sip of the poison, feeling the liquor making it’s way through his body. He started to feel it working, thank God! He then heard the door open he was getting annoyed now. Couldn’t he just relax a little bit until the damn show started? He was waiting for Kevin to start reaming him out; he was sure he saw the bottle in his free hand. His arm was over his face still, he didn’t want to have to deal with this. “Go away,” he muttered.
He heard someone inhale deeply and say, “H-hi, Nick.”
He felt his heart freeze…that voice. He immediately removed his arm to see her standing there in front of him. No, this couldn’t have been real. This must have been one of the best delusions he had ever had. She was wearing a white jean skirt that went right above her knees and a white button up blouse. Two buttons weren’t closed up and a small amount of cleavage was showing and she was wearing the necklace he had given her. He could feel his heart come back alive as it began to pound rapidly against his ribcage and his face grew hot. What the hell was in this drink? He didn’t care, whatever it was, he never wanted this beautiful image to end. He didn’t care if he was fucked up during the show, not if this is what he had to look forward to. He took another sip and looked her over once more. Her hair was shorter now, and highlighted blonde. She had bangs, they were to the side framing her face so perfectly.
Kimberly watched him in sorrow as he stared at her. Was he that drunk he didn’t know who she was? Why was he drinking? They had a show in less than two hours, “Nick,” she said again.
Was this real? It sounded so real…there was only one way to find out. He put the bottle down and slowly stood up. Would she go right through him like a mirage? He took a few steps towards her, “Kim?” He asked above a whisper; feeling stupid. He was most likely talking to himself.
She nodded and had tears overfilling her green eyes and slowly rolling down her face, “Hey, baby”
Nick aggressively grabbed her, constricting her into his hold and held her as tight as he could; her body pressing against his. It was her, it was really her! His fingers tangled in her hair as is face into her neck, “I’ve missed you so much,” he choked.
She felt tears hitting her neck and that caused more to fall down her face. “I’ve missed you too,” she wept. Her arms cradled around him, she didn’t want this moment to end. She missed being in his embrace, she missed hearing his voice. She felt him tremble and she ran a hand through his hair, “I’m here,” she whispered. She couldn’t believe how bad he really was. She thought they were exaggerating just a bit…she had no idea he was such a mess.
Nick pulled away just a bit so that he was looking at her face. Kimberly looked into his eyes, they were tinted red from the tears and she put her hands up to his face, feeling tears hitting her fingers. She softly pressed her trembling lips against his. He closed his eyes and it were as if he were afraid to break her, he was being gentle as he could be when he opened his mouth. His tongue hesitantly flicked at hers and once she felt his kiss, she constricted her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. Nick felt her tongue aggressively invade his mouth and he couldn’t contain himself as he slid his hands inside her blouse and snapped open the buttons and shoving it off her arms. Kimberly moaned over his lips and she began to work on his belt, as doing so, Nick was slowly pushing her towards the couch. She tripped over the Jack Daniels and fell back onto the couch, causing the liquor to pour across the floor. Nick went on top of her, taking off his white shirt and throwing it onto the floor and pulled off his pants and pushed Kimberly’s skirt up. Once he tore her panties from her body, he crashed his mouth back down onto hers and raped it with his tongue. She then felt him roughly insert himself inside of her and his kiss became more and more aggressive as he went harder. She wrapped her arms around him, digging her nails into his back as he continued his pace. This was nothing how they normally made love, it was hard…she didn’t feel a connection. She could feel tears slowly making their way down her face as he continued. She pressed her face into the crook his neck, and tried to hold back the tears. She heard Nick making loud pants. The harder he went, the tighter he held onto her body, he then put his lips to her ear and whispered, I love you so much, Baby Angel. She felt her body get chills as he called her that…that was the name that she longed to hear. She looked up at him and could see in his moist eyes how sincere he was and saw all the pain.
Kimberly felt warm tears rolling down her cheeks, “I…love you too,” she choked.
Nick then pressed his mouth against hers and she felt beads of liquid fall down onto her face from his. She tightened her grip on him and wrapped her legs around his waist. She then heard him make a loud grunt and that’s when she felt his body fluid go inside her. He collapsed down onto her, breathing heavy. Kimberly just savored this moment, because she knew within moments it would be ruined. A minute in a half later he pulled himself up and kissed her on the cheek and then the mouth. He could sense that she wanted him to get off of her; he knew something was going to happen. He didn’t know if this would be good or bad…his stomach felt like he had just gone on a rollercoaster and went through ten loops. He began to put on his clothes and Kimberly did the same.
“Do you…do you want something to eat?” He asked once they were both clothed.
She shook her head, “No, I’m fine.”
He sat down next to her, still not fully believing that she was really here. He cleared his throat, “So um…how did you get in here? It was locked.”
Kimberly pulled out a card and half smiled, “AJ gave it to me.”
He didn’t want to scare her away, he didn’t want to start a fight, but he knew he couldn’t ignore the question that needed to be answered. “So…uh…what are you doing here?”
She swallowed hard, “AJ…AJ called me yesterday.” She looked away and to the floor, seeing the booze was seeping into the hard wood floor. “He said he was really worried about you.”
“So that’s why you’re here?” He said, a bit disappointed, “Because AJ asked you to? Not because you want to be?”
Kimberly could hear the pain in his voice and that killed her. She could feel a new patch of tears coming along again, “I came because I wanted to make sure you were okay,” she admitted. “He said that you were killing yourself and he thought I was the only one that would help you.”
“And how the hell am I killing myself?” He demanded, as defense mode began to kick in.
She shrugged, “I don’t know you tell me.” She cleared the lump that was starting to form in the back of her throat, “You’re drinking before a show…going out all the time drinking…” she could feel her heart starting to shrivel as she said, “Sleeping with a bunch of different girls.”
He watched as her eyes began to swell once more and he wanted to kill AJ for telling her about the girls. She didn’t need to know that! She didn’t need to know about anything. “I was doing what you wanted me to do…I was trying to move on with my life.”
She didn't realize how painful that would be to actually hear, but maybe she needed that. She then nodded, “I can see that,” she said above a whisper, feeling her eyes sting once again. She cleared her throat, “It was…it was a bad idea for me to come here. I just…I just had to see if you were alright.”
“Why?” He demanded.
She looked at him hurt, “What do you mean why? Because I love you…and I just had to make sure…” she sighed, “You know what, forget it. I can see this was a mistake.” She stood up and said in her broke voice, “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have come.”
Nick looked to the floor, feeling angry…feeling devastated…feeling all his emotions imploding, “You…you can’t just come here to check on me, Kim. You made it clear you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”
“I came because I care!”
“You sure didn’t care when I kept on calling and calling.”
She put her hands on her face, “Oh My God, Nick. You don’t even know how hard it was for me not to call you back…you don’t know how hard it was for me not to go crawling back to you…you don’t even know the half of it.”
“Then why didn’t you?!?” He yelled.
She pulled her hands from her face and she saw that he was now standing not even an inch away from her, “Because…I was…because I wanted you to get on with your life…life with me is no life at all.”
“Life with you is the only life I want, Kim!” Tears began to drown his blue eyes again, “I fucking love you…I have…I can’t just get overt you! Why do you think I’ve been drinking myself to death? Why do you think I go out all the time? I’m trying to do anything I can to stop the hurt…but not matter how much I drink, no matter who I’m sleeping with it’s you that I see, it’s you that I want.” He inhaled deeply, “Baby Angel, why can’t you see that? Why can’t you see that my life is nothing without you? Stop with this…just stop,” he begged. “I-I can’t function without…I need you…God I fucking need you, Kim.”
Kimberly felt her bottom lip trembling and she turned her head away and small sobs escaped her. Nick moved closer towards her and he took his hand and it put it under her chin to force her to look at him. She hated seeing all the pain he was in, “I just…I just wanted what was best for you. Being with me – ”
“Makes me the most happiest.”
She wiped her eyes, “Wh-what about the band? Are you still unhappy with them?”
“We’ve overcame our differences.”
She shook her head, “You didn’t’ answer me…do you like being in the band?”
He nodded, “Yeah…yeah, I am. Me and Kevin had a long talk...things are good now.”
“I don’t want to ruin that for you again.”
“You won’t,” he promised. “Please Baby Angel…please. I know you still love me.”
There was a knock at the door, “Yo, Nick,” said Kevin. “We gotta go…the opening act is almost done…come on!”
Nick groaned, “Alright, be right there.”
“I-I need to go anyway.”
He looked at her alarmed, “Please, don’t.” Nick slid his hand in her hair and moved her face closer to his, “Don’t go.” His face only inches from hers, “Stay and we'll talk after the concert.”
She shook her head, “I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”
“Please,” he hoarsely whispered.
“Nick!” Kevin angrily yelled.
He sighed, “I gotta go…please Kim, don’t leave. Just wait it out until tomorrow…please?”
She knew she should have just booked it and left, staying was probably the worst idea. She already had sex, the situation was becoming more and more complicated. “I-I can't.”
Nick's eyes began to swell and he swallowed hard, “Please,” he begged. “Don't do this...”
Kimberly inhaled deeply and shook her head, “Nick...don't make this harder than it has to be.”
He wouldn't take no for an answer and tears began to overlap his eyes and roll down his face, “I'll be looking for you.”
She sighed, “Nick.”
He wiped his eyes, “See you at the show.” He gently pressed his lips upon hers, gently nibbling on her lower lip, “I love you,” he whispered.
Kimberly watched as he left the hotel room and she felt tears freely pouring down her face. She fell to her knees and put her hands up to her face and wept. This was killing her...seeing the pain in Nick's eyes just tore her apart. Oh how she wished she never came, oh how she wished she told AJ to just fuck off. She was doing well...and now it was like salt was being poured into her wounds. She would leave after the concert, she would stay just to support him that was the only reason. As soon as it was over, she was taking the first flight back to California. She would text Ashley after she got back to their place, she would let her enjoy her time with Ray. Oh how she hated herself...why couldn't she just be a selfish bitch and stay with Nick? Why did she have to care so much?
