Kevin saw the redness in Nick’s eyes and he knew that the conversation that he and Kimberly had did not go well. He wanted to punch AJ for setting this up, he knew it was going to backfire. Nick was a wreck and Kevin couldn’t feel more terrible for him. He knew his heart felt like it was in a torture chamber and it just wasn’t right. He looked at Nick with empathy in his eyes, “Are you okay?” He asked as kindly as he could.
He just nodded, “I’m fine,” he bitterly said. He sniffled and looked to the ground, “Let’s…let’s go.” He then quickly walked away.
Kevin shook his head, the poor kid was dying inside.
Nick walked into the arena and went backstage. He knew he couldn’t let anyone see him while he was like this. He needed another drink. Seeing Kimberly just made him feel like someone ripped open his scabs and poured salt all over them. The pain was unbearable. How the hell was he supposed to preform while in this state? He knew if anyone had any liquor it would be AJ. He walked over towards him, “Hey, man,” he said, in a low voice. “Do you got any Jack’s or anything?”
AJ looked at him perplexed, “Any what?” He couldn’t have heard him correctly, “Nick, come on, you gotta stop this shit.” Nick’s eyes burned in agony and that was when AJ saw his blue eyes were tinted red and he felt his heart give out. Seeing the pain his little brother was in killed him. Things must have not gone well with him and Kimberly. But how could they not have? The whole reason of her coming up here was to make Nick happy, was for them to get back together…unless he said something stupid. What if it was about the girls he’s been sleeping with? He shouldn’t have told her that. Fuck, he messed things up for them, “What…what happened between you and Kim?”
Nick glared up at him with angry pained eyes, “What do you think?” He hissed. It then hit him, he wouldn’t be feeling such rejection again if it weren’t for this guy that claimed he was his friend. Friend? Ha! The bastard didn’t even know the meaning of the word. He was the reason why Kimberly left him in the first place, he was the reason why he could feel salt being poured on his wounds. “What gave you the right to bring Kim here anyway?” He demanded.
AJ swallowed hard as he could see the ominous look in Nick’s tearful eyes, “I-I just was trying to help you.”
“HELP ME?!?” He shouted and that caused everyone in the backroom to stare, “How the fuck are you helping me?!?” He continued to rage, “If it weren’t for YOU, we would still be together in the first place. So don’t fucking give me this you’re trying to help me crap.”
Ashley looked at Ray and he looked at Angel. Things did not go as well as they all hoped. He walked over towards his friend, “Yo, Nick. Calm down.”
He glared at his friend with hard eyes, “Don’t fucking tell me to calm down. He fucking had Kim come here, he knew she didn’t want me back…he knew she just would make things worse.”
She didn’t want him back? Ashley was confused, she did. She knew that for a fact. She was completely miserable without him. She took a deep breath before attempting to walk over towards Nick, “Ni-Nick,” she hesitantly said. “That’s bullshit and I know that. Kim is a wreck without you. She’s crying in her room all the time, she’s sad. She still wears the necklace you gave her. So what does that say?”
Nick looked at her with swelling eyes and a few tears managed to escape and roll down his flushed cheeks, “She’s the one that wants to leave. I fucking begged her to stay until tomorrow and she said she can’t.” He then shrugged, “Maybe she wears the necklace because it’s diamonds. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend after all,” he bitterly said.
“Come on, Nick,” said Angel. “You know she’s not like that.”
He looked to the ground, “I don’t even know anymore.” He then looked up at the four Backstreet Boys with his aching eyes, “Come on, the show’s about to begin. We gotta get into our costumes.”
“How do you even plan on preforming?” Demanded Brian, “I mean just look at you! You’re a wreck, man.”
He shrugged, “I’ll manage like I always do.” He then walked over towards the rack of clothes and began to attempt to put on an outfit for their first song.
Kevin let out a loud sigh, “Alright, we only have a few minutes until we’re on. So come on guys.”
Howie looked at Kevin pained. He hated how Nick was in such a terrible state. How was he supposed to act like the goofy and flirty Nick that the fans were used to or expecting? The only thing that Nick could even concentrate on was his broken heart. Kimberly was all he could see, all he could think about. This was not going to be a good show…not at all.
Laura looked at Cindy and shook her head in astonishment, “I still can’t believe you got us in without tickets.”
Cindy grinned, “Apparently the guy I hooked up with was a Backstreet Boy. His name is AJ.” She then shrugged, “What can I say…I learn from the best. He wanted to see me again and I told him how much going to a concert with my dear friend would mean so much. The guy told me it was all set without me even needing a ticket.” She then smiled widely, “He even said later after the show we can go backstage. I mean, how awesome is that?”
Laura looked at her impressed, “Nice work. So do you actually like the guy? Is he even good in bed?”
Cindy laughed, “Of course he was good. Shit girl, he was amazing! He knew exactly what he was doing. I can’t wait until later tonight.”
That sparked a flare of curiosity in Laura and she raised an eyebrow, “Oh? And what’s later tonight?”
Cindy couldn’t hide the smirk that grew across her face, “AJ said he wanted to take me out. I’m pretty sure we’ll be fucking like rabbits later.” She giggled, “I can’t thank you enough for dragging me out with you. Plus, you and Carter got pretty friendly. I’m sure he’s dying to see you…maybe you can make him forget all about that bitch.”
Laura had neglected to tell her friend that Nick had kicked her out of his house. She didn’t tell her that he was calling her Kim or Baby Angel the whole time while they were getting their freak on. Cindy thought that Nick and Laura had crazy monkey sex and that Nick wanted to always meet up with her. Although Laura did tell her that Kimberly hurt him so badly, he knew he couldn’t be in a relationship for a while….he just wanted to mess around. Mess around with Laura. Of course she believed her. Laura was her best friend, why would she lie to her? She would have no reason to…right? Cindy was unaware that Laura was terribly jealousy of her. She hated how AJ was crazy about her. On Kimberly’s photo that all the guys had written on, AJ made it clear that he liked Laura. So why did he want Cindy? Maybe it was because she was hanging all over Nick. It just wasn’t fair, if AJ liked her, he should ditch Cindy and spend a night with her. Maybe tonight? A devious smirk formed around her thin lips.
Laura looked at her friend and shrugged, “Maybe. We’ll see.”
The show began and the fans screamed as the first song was Everybody Backstreet’s Back. Laura couldn’t help but notice the dead look in Nick’s eyes. He smiled and sang…but the look in his eyes. It was the same look he had in the club. Oh yes, fuck AJ. She was going to have Nick again…even if it killed her. She would make him forget all about Kimberly…if that was the last thing she did.
Ashley stormed to the hotel that Kimberly was in; she opened the door with the key card that Kevin had given her. She told him that she was going to talk some sense into that girl if that was the last thing she did. Once she opened the door, she found Kimberly on the couch, bawling her eyes out. Instead of Ashley running up to her and ask what was wrong, she lashed out at her. What the hell was her problem? She was there crying her eyes out because she loved Nick. Nick was there dying inside because he loved her, but he thought that Kimberly didn’t want him. Why wouldn’t Kimberly just shut up with wanting him to get on with his career and fix this mess that she caused?
“Kim, what the hell?!?” She yelled, “What is the matter with you?”
Kimberly looked up at Ashley and saw the fury in her eyes, “What are you talking about?” She demanded, as she wiped her eyes.
“THIS!” She shouted, “You being so stupid.”
Kimberly stood up and walked over to her friend and glared at her with her tinted red eyes, “Excuse me? How the hell am I being stupid?”
“Because just look at yourself!” She barked, “Crying because you’re in love with Nick.” She shook her head in disgust, “Why the fuck don’t you fix things with him already?!?”
“Because it’s not that simple!”
“What’s not simple about it, Kim?!?” She demanded, “I saw him when he got back…he’s on stage right now. How the hell he’s even singing in the condition he’s in is beyond me! He was crying, Kim. I have never seen a grown man cry. He’s hurting…really hurting. Make it stop…make his pain stop. Make your pain stop.”
Kimberly just shook her head at her, “You just don’t get it,” she said as she began to walk away.
Ashley grabbed her wrist, “And what exactly don’t I get?” She demanded, “I understand how you think he’s better off without you, but he’s not, Kim. He’s really, really not. He’s dying inside…more than you even. Just please….just talk to him. Go to his show and then talk to him…okay?”
Kimberly shook her head franticly and she wiped her blurred eyes, “I-I can’t.”
“And why not?” She asked, nearly pleading.
“I’m scared!” She finally admitted.
Ashley looked at her baffled, “What do you mean? What are you scared of?”
“Look at all he’s done since I’ve been out of the picture. If I come back…what if I ruin all that? What if he goes back to leaving the band? What if drops it all because of me?”
Ashley let out a loud sigh, “Kim, I know where your heart is. I know you care a lot about his career but if he doesn’t want it don’t force him. But he is happy. Howie talked to me backstage before I came here. He said that Kevin and Nick had a long talk and Nick even admitted the things he did weren’t his best choices. He loves the guys and he was just getting overwhelmed. But you know what? You know what Howie told me?”
She shook her head, “No…what?” She asked, as she sniffled.
“That he had never seen Nick more happy than he has with you. You bring light into his life, Kim. You love him so much and I know you don’t want him giving up certain things but you need to know these are his choices.”
“I just…I don’t want him hating me down the road because of them, you know?”
Ashley looked at her friend and half smiled, “That won’t happen, I promise. Nick is happy in his career right now, but he’s miserable with his life. Only you can fix that…only you can make him happy again. So please, just talk to him about it. Go to the show and talk to him about it after.” She let out a loud sigh, “I know you don’t believe this, but I think you’re slowly killing yourself too. I hear you crying at night, Kim. I know how much you love and miss him. So let’s stop with all this pain…just patch things up with him. I know you want to…don’t you?”
She slowly nodded, “I do,” she said above a whisper. “I know leaving him was the biggest mistake I ever could have made, but I thought I was doing something good for him.”
“The only thing that is good for him is you.”
Kimberly looked at her with her suffering tinted eyes, “Are you sure he doesn’t hate me?” Her eyes began to swell again and tears slowly rolled down her face, “I know I would hate me.”
Ashley put her hand on her shoulder, “Kim, I promise you Nick does not hate you. He loves you…so fucking much. So come on, stop with this and let’s go see your man. Let’s make things right again.”
Kimberly weakly smiled and nodded. She knew she couldn’t keep this up anymore. Turning Nick away when he begged her to stay was probably one of the most hardest things she had to do. She knew he probably didn’t think so…maybe he even thought that she didn’t care. She had to prove him wrong…she had to show him that she really did love him and that he meant everything to her. Even if he did sleep with other girls. It was her own fault, she told him to get on with his life, she wouldn’t answer his phone calls…she was trying to cut him out of her life. So what did she really expect? She had to make things right again.
The past couple of songs were fast pace so Nick didn’t have time to actually think about Kimberly…which was really a good thing. But the boys then slowed things down and the next song that was about to begin was Incomplete. How the hell was he going to manage this? These were the worst lyrics…all of them made him think of how he was feeling. He was so incomplete without his Baby Angel. He couldn’t function without her. He skimmed the crowd and saw that she was nowhere to be seen and that just made the situation worse. He felt his heart being torn. So this was really how it was going to be? She didn’t want him back. Why the hell did she even come here? What was going through AJ’s mind? She left him for a reason! She just wasn’t in love with him anymore…those tears she cried must have been fake. Fake. It was all fake. Nick got too caught up in the moment of thinking about how she was never coming back…ever. He almost missed his verse. How these lyrics fit him so well…far too well. It felt like this song was written just for him. He was sure the fans could hear the agony in his voice as he sang them. He felt warm liquid rolling down his cheeks…
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray
For this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is
Incomplete
The crowd cheered, he turned around so they couldn’t see him wipe his moist eyes. He then turned around and smiled his heart melting smile to get girls to swoon. He prayed no one caught the tear…he knew there would be people videotaping. The last thing he needed was a video of him crying during a performance on YouTube. He’d never hear the end of it.
Laura stared at him in bewilderment. The way he sang that verse, it was amazing. The pure emotion…it sent her chills down her spine. She leaned over to Cindy and whispered, “Did Nick actually cry or was that just part of imagination?”
Cindy stared up at Nick who was singing the chorus with the guys. She studied his face and then shrugged, “I didn’t see it. But I’m also not in love with him,” she said with a laugh.
Laura turned her attention back to Nick. She knew she wasn’t seeing things. He cried…but why? It then hit her…fucking Kimberly. Like really? Was he really that torn over her? For crying out loud, he should have been over her months ago! She could feel her teeth grind as she remembered how he called her Baby Angel while in bed or called her Kim. She felt pain wash over her as she remembered how he kicked her out. How the hell could he kick her out? What was the matter with him? He had a loose screw in that head of his and she was going to be the one to tighten it.
As he sang his eyes skimmed the crowd again. Maybe he just missed her? He was hoping, he was praying that she changed her mind. He felt a rush of depression rush over him…she wasn’t coming. She didn’t want him. For all he knew she went back to California. The song was now over and Brian was talking about something, hell he wasn’t even fully paying attention to it. His eyes were to the crowd once more, he thought maybe if he kept on staring long enough maybe she would just appear. He felt his heart go in his throat as he saw Laura in the crowd. They made eye contact and she smirked her devious smirk and waved with her fingers in a seductive mode. If Kimberly were here he’d be scared shitless…considering he fucked that conniving bitch. Oh how he tried to block that night from his mind; it haunted him day in and day out. The next song that they began to sing was Just Want You To Know. Yet another song that made him think about his Baby Angel except there weren’t any nights that he made it through…the pounding in his ribcage was going to be the death of him. That was why he drank, he rather have a painless death than feel the agony. He rather drown himself in liquor than feel his heart being pulled apart, blood vessel by blood vessel.
Kimberly and Ashley walked into the arena from a backdoor that led backstage. Jenn; one of the boys' managers led them through. Kevin already talked to her about Ashley. Jenn gave them both a tag so they would be able to access without security kicking them out. They both walked near the stage and watched as the boys preformed a fast beat song. Kimberly half smiled as she watched Nick work the crowd with his sleek mores and his sly smile, but the more she watched him, the more she could see how much he was faking. He was all smiles, but his eyes….his eyes is what gave it away. He looked anything but happy. In fact he almost looked dead inside. It were as if he was just a shell…an empty shell. Kimberly felt pain hit her chest as she thought this was all her fault. Everything was all because of her. Kimberly watched the rest of the show and Nick did a wonderful job hiding it from the fans…except on occasional songs. The break up songs is where she could really see the pain and she was sure others could as well. It killed her. The boys finished their last song and four of them left the stage behind the curtain…but not Nick. Instead he walked up to the microphone and he cleared his throats.
“So before we wrap up the show,” he began. “So um…I’ve – I’ve been working on a second solo album.” The fans screamed and he weakly smiled, “I’ve been struggling a lot the best few months over a girl. I wrote a song about the situation…music really helps me. Without it, I don’t think I would even be here breathing. Okay, so I call this one Falling Down I hope you like it.” Nick looked back at the band, “Ready? Let’s go.”
Kimberly felt her heart squeeze. She was terrified to listen to the lyrics, but she held her ground. She breathed deeply as he began and she knew she was going to end up crying. She felt her eyes stinging as his beautifully broken voice hit her eardrums.
It’s so cold in this room
And I’m trapped inside your heart
All by myself, yeah
All alone
In your sea
And I’m sinking like a ship
I’m going down…going down
I don’t wanna live my life without you
The hardest thing I ever do
Is try to pick myself up off the ground
I try to outrun
All the memories
But I keep falling down
But I keep falling down
And it’s like you still got a hold on me
‘Cause I keep falling down
I keep falling down
I can’t sleep, I can’t dream
‘Cause your scent’s still here
On the pillows in my bed
You’re in my bed
And this pain’s so insane
I’m still haunted by the stupid things I’ve said
All the things I said
I don’t wanna live my life without you
The hardest thing I ever do
Is try to pick myself up off the ground
I try to outrun
All the memories
But I keep falling down
But I keep falling down
And it’s like you still got a hold on me
‘Cause I keep falling down
I keep falling down
And how do I let go
I know I should move on
But without you I don’t know where I belong
And everywhere I go
Every happy face I see
It reminds me of the way it used to be
Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh
I try to outrun
All the memories
But I keep falling down
But I keep falling down
And it’s like you still got a hold on me
‘Cause I keep falling down
I keep falling down
Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh
I keep falling down
Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh
I keep falling down
Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh
I keep falling down
Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh
I keep falling down
Down…down
Nick swallowed hard after he had finished. The tears were freely flowing down his face and at the point he didn’t care if the fans saw or not. “Thank…thank you,” he choked out before walking off the stage and behind the curtain.
Kimberly put her hand up to her face and tried to hold back the sobs, but it was no use and she cried. Ashley walked over to her and put her hand on her shoulder. She turned around and wrapped her arms around her friend and squeezed her tight. She was the cause for the pain and suffering he was going through. She was the reason for feeling that way. He wrote a song about her…a painful song about her. She had to be the one to help him back up…she would not let him fall down anymore.
“Kim,” said Ashley in a soothing voice. “It’s time to end this.”
She nodded and walked back towards where the boys were. She had to talk to Nick, she had to fix things with him. She loved him, loved him more than she had ever loved a man before. She had to stop his suffering and she would. Jenn showed her where Nick was, he was leaning against the wall where the costumes were. The other guys were changing into their regular clothes; Nick was the first to be finished. His eyes were red and he refused to talk to anyone…not even Kevin. He just wanted to get out of there; he wanted to forget this night ever happened.
“Ni-Nick,” she choked out. Her voice sounded scratchy instead of smooth like how she intended. His head shot up. The others guys saw her and Brian smiled. He motioned for them to leave so Nick and Kimberly could have some privacy. Her bottom lips began to tremble and she rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around him and sobbed, “I’m so sorry.”
Nick's arms cradled her tightly, he closed his eyes and he held her close, feeling her heartbeat against his. He was terrified she would want to leave again; he had to hold onto her as tight as he could. He couldn’t lose her…he couldn’t bear it. He opened his eyes and a few tears rolled down his face, “How…how long were you here for?”
She pulled away and looked at him with her drowning eyes, “A good while,” she admitted.
“I thought…I thought you went back home to Cali.”
She shook her head, “No…I couldn’t leave. I love you so much.” She embraced him again, “I’m so sorry for what I have done. For all the pain I put you through.” She looked back up at him again, “But you gotta believe me when I say, I was only doing it because I thought it was better for you. I never…I never meant to hurt you.” She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, “I thought that maybe you would just get over me.”
“I can’t just get over you like that, Kim,” he whispered. “You made me so happy and when you were gone it was like a dark cloud was over me.”
“May…maybe I can get rid of those clouds for you then.”
Nick stared at her intently, “Do you…do you really mean that?”
She nodded. She went on her tippy toes and pressed her trembling lips against his. Nick’s hands tangled in her hair and his mouth engulfed with hers. His tongue went after hers with such a need. Kimberly wrapped her arms around his neck and she allowed him to rape her mouth. A small moan escaped her lips, “I love you,” she whispered.
He held her for a long moment staring into her green eyes, “I missed you so much, Baby Angel.” He then squeezed her, “I love you so much.” His lips touched hers once more, but this time it wasn’t nearly as passionate. He was sweet and slow, “Let’s go back to the hotel.”
She smiled and nodded, “I’d like that.”
Relief swept over Nick as he wrapped his arm security around her and left for the black van that was parked outside. Finally after two long tormenting months, he and Kimberly were back in each other’s arms. He never wanted to deal with losing her again…he was sure if she didn’t come backstage or if she left to go back home, he would end up doing something terrible to himself. The pain was just too unbearable, but it were as if she was his morphine and the pain just vanished into thin air. He could breathe again...he could live again.
Laura was outside with Cindy. There was a change of plans and they wouldn't be going backstage. Cindy said that AJ texted her and that he would pick them up and bring them to his hotel room.
Laura’s brown eyes narrowed as she watched the Nick and that bitch leave into the vehicle. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Kimberly was supposed to be out of the picture…Laura was supposed to be the one to help him out of his depression. Jealousy and hatred overpowered her. Something had to be done…she knew where they were headed. At least she had a pretty good idea and she would not surrender without a fight.
