- Text Size +
Chapter Fourteen

"Would you talk to me?" AJ snapped hours later. I heard his forehead hit my hotel door but I just turned my back on it, facing the balcony. Why shouldn't I brood? I thought angrily, the corners of my mouth folded downward.

"Open up. C'mon what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" I exclaimed, turning back to face the door. Just the thought of him on the other side of the door pissed me off. "How can you even say that you two timing no good fucking asshole?"

For several seconds all that greeting my outburst was silence. Then, ever so quietly, I heard him sigh.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Why don't you go ask your brunette bimbo?" I said bitterly.

"Brunette bimbo?"

"Ugh!"

Falling back against my pillows I covered my face with my hands, blowing warm air between my fingers. Men, I thought with disgust. They're all pigs.

"Brunette---that was my cousin!" AJ finally exclaimed with a laugh. "You mean after the race? Jesus she lives near Watkins Glen and she came to the race to see me."

"Don't lie to me AJ." I said. Even so I slid my hands down from my face, glancing once more at the piece of wood that separated us.

"I'm not. Her name is Ashley and compared to you she's the Bride of Frankenstein. Now would you open up?"

Getting up slowly I padded to the door, opening it just a crack. His hands were braced on either side of the door, his head resting on it just like I had imagined. Hearing the low creaking, he looked at me with two sad brown puppy eyes.

"You're telling the absolute truth?" I said, folding my arms under my breasts.

"I swear on the Bible."

Nodding I stepped back, opening the door a little wider.

"Than you may come in."

He walked in and I stared at him and couldn't help but feel bad. Krista you promised yourself that you would never feel bad for a man, I silently chastised myself. Yet, I couldn't help myself.

"You're crying." I heard him say but all I could do was shake my head.

I felt his arms wrap around me and for the second time in weeks I let my walls down. Burying my face in the crook of his neck I sobbed. I sobbed for all the childhood memories that still were housed in my brain...the sound of my mom flying against the wall and the feel of dad's leather belt across my neck. And then I saw my brothers tan handsome face smiling at me from the hospital bed.

"Live my dream." he had whispered, placing the keys of his racecar into my hand as my fourteen-year-old face had been made of stone...unable to cry any longer.

"I'll win it for you." I had whispered, squeezing his hand as he took his final breath.

"I'll win it for you." I whispered out loud. And I cried harder...cried for the love of a man who I thought was going to be my husband...who had taken my virginity and my childhood and had falsely given me dreams. John who had promised to by my knight in shining armor...the man who I had given myself to for a chance at the NASCAR circuit.

Each moment in my life flew through my mind as I tore each piece of the wall down. I didn't want to keep everything bottled up inside...I wanted to free myself from the chains that bound me to the darkness.

More than anything I wanted to step out into the light.

____________________

"...and I saw her and I couldn't stand the thought of losing someone else. I don't like to be vulnerable." I whispered shakily.

AJ and I were curled up on my bed, dozens of Kleenex crumpled up on the floor. My body trembled as all the words ran out of my mouth like an overflowing cup. At any moment I was sure that my heart would break.

"I knew you were someone special. Everyone calls you the Ice Queen and I guess in my own twisted way that's why I wanted you more than anything. You and me share more than you know."

"How could that be?" I mumbled, licking my dry lips.

After several moments he began to talk...to weave his own tale. Growing up fatherless and watching his mother struggle for every crumb of food. Working full time while going to school just to afford his first racecar. Being an outcast...having his heart broken. All this and more made me realize just why we were the way we were: so angry at each other because we had so many similar experiences.

We held each other through the night. Each of us whispering memories as they came to us. Listening...and understand...

And finding out that we were soul mates after all.