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Chapter Sixteen

The weeks flew by and races came and went. Before long AJ and I were neck in neck for first place. Unfortunately at the moment he was in first with me twenty points behind. Yet, as I swung my arms from side to side, limbering up before having to sit for three hours I knew that the tables were soon to be turned.

Out of the past six races AJ had won four and I had won two. The two I had won AJ had been in wrecks, put far back in the pack after spending a large amount of time in the pits or even in the garage.

"Ready for the race?"

I cringed. It was John.

"Can't you realize that I don't want to talk to you?" I snapped, turning on my heels.

"Well I figured that I'd just say good luck. You always were good at Talladega."

I sighed, shrugging slightly. Talladega, set in beautiful Alabama, is the biggest, fastest and most competitive motor sports facility in the world. Records for both speed and competition have been established right where I stood.

"Anyhow...I gotta go give this check to McLean. He won our bet fair and square. I had my money on you honey...I really did."

My stomach knotting up, I turned slowly to face him.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"The bet. McLean bet me a grand that he could distract you so much that he could easily win at least four of the last six races. Is he really that good in bed? The way he's been talking it sounds like you've turned into a slut. Maybe you could have sex with me on a chair too. Let me get o---"

Resisting the urge to vomit, I turned, running quickly away. I didn't know where to run to but the anger burning in me was like that I had only known once before in my life...when my father had killed my brother. And now I was the one that wanted to do the killing.

I had opened up to him. AJ McLean knew all about me and I had been stupid enough to believe that he cared. And yet now I knew. It was all some sick joke to gain some money and get higher up in the polls.

"I'll burn in hell before I let him win." I whispered through gritted teeth. "I'll win it for you, Tony. As my brother you were the only man that really cared about me anyhow."

I stayed in a dark corner in the woman's bathroom for over a half hour...my eyes misted over yet I refused to let the floodgates of tears break open.

"Krista?"

It was Jerry. I knew it must have been getting down to crunch time. There was no way in hell he would walk into a women's bathroom otherwise.

"I'm here." I choked out in a voice that seemed void of everything. I didn't sound like myself.

"Let's get going. We have a race to win." Jer said uncertainly. I heard the door close and again I was alone.

"Yes." I whispered, my hands clenching into fists. "I have a race to win."

____________________

I hovered over my newspaper the next morning. My name looked so good and I couldn't help but continue stare at the first two standings:

1.) Krista Hemmings
2.) AJ McLean -65

"Krista?" Jerry called from the other side of the door.

"Yeah?"

"Why is your phone off the hook?"

I sighed, leaning back against the wall. What could I tell him? I didn't want to even utter McLean's name. It made me sick.

"AJ's been to my hotel room like twenty times. Your not answering the door either. What's up?"

"Why don't you ask John?" I said. Gritting my teeth I chastised myself for sounding slightly hysterical.

"Krista...what's going on?"

I didn't respond. Instead I headed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. Turning the faucet handles I jumped into the shower, fully clothed. It was only at that moment that I began to cry. I hated the thought of tears...I hated everything about crying and yet lately that's all I was able to do.

It was at that moment that I wanted to hurt myself. Looking around I grabbed a razor, popping out the metal blade. I dangled it over my wrist for minutes, staring as the water droplets slid off either side, dripping onto the floor. Shaking my head I yelled loudly, tossing the implement across the bathroom to the opposite wall.

Falling silent I slid along the shower wall, sinking into the tub. Lowering my head I just let the water run, washing away my own tears and creating their own.

Cry for me, I thought miserably. Cry for all the lost souls.