Kevin had stayed quiet the entire evening, not wanting to get involved in a battle of wills between the other boys. Since the day Nick had died it had been a struggle to band together when everything seemed like a complete mess. He often said that, referring to the day Nick died, but then he would be quickly corrected because in the eyes of others Nick never died, he was killed, murdered. Brian would correct any person who referred to Nick’s death as such in a heartbeat. His cousin had been the most involved with the police investigation to the point of complete obsession. Walking into Brian’s basement was like finding yourself in an episode of CSI. He couldn’t blame him though; he still sometimes couldn’t believe that their youngest brother was gone, just like that.

He remembered that night like it was yesterday. He and his wife were at home fast asleep when the phone rang, and anyone with family living far away knows that a phone call in the dead of night usually is never a good thing. He immediately thought of Kristin’s parents and his own family so he was surprised to hear Howie on the other end asking for help because no one could find Nick.

AJ and Howie were spending the weekend at Nick’s house. Some sort of bachelor’s weekend that the old married guys weren’t invited to. One night they’d decided to check out what the nightlife had to offer and had all gone out drinking. But by the time they were ready to call a cab for a ride back to the Carter Hotel no one could find their younger companion. Howie, AJ, and some of their friends had searched high and low around the club they were at for Nick. They called his cell; they called his house, anywhere that he might have been. After a few hours of fruitless searching they’d given up and headed back to the house to see if he was there. He wasn’t though, and they finally decided to call Kevin. There wasn’t a whole lot he could do since he was home in Kentucky and they were in Los Angeles, but it was their instinct to call him because they figured he would know what to do. 

’He probably went home with some floozy, wait until tomorrow to decide he’s missing,’ Kevin had dismissed them, annoyed that he’d been woken from a deep slumber because of Nick getting himself lost in Hollywood somewhere. 

Tomorrow came and went, the next day and the next day and still no Nick to be found. By that time they’d all gotten together at Nick’s house in Malibu, waiting for something to happen or for someone to call. Once again it was a middle of the night phone call that roused them all from sleep. This time Brian had taken the call, and Kevin hoped he would never again see the fear and deflation in his cousin’s eyes. 

‘They need one of us to come look at a body,’ Brian had said and they had all looked at each other, willing one another to take one for the team and go find out if it was Nick. Kevin secretly hoped they were just going to see their first dead body, come home, and find Nick laughing at them from the backyard. 

It was Brian who ultimately volunteered to go because the anticipation was killing him. He needed to know the truth more than anything in the world. When he got to the police station they explained to him that the body of a man fitting Nick’s description had been found on a beach outside a small town called Sunrise, only a short drive from Nick’s home. The man had been found stripped down to his underwear, bound, with a bag taped around his head. 

Brian’s call to let them know he had given a positive identity on the body was really the last thing Kevin remembered. After that there was a lot of crying, a lot of grief, and a lot of sedatives passed around the household. 

Brian had never really talked about what he’d seen at the police station that day but Kevin could see in his eyes that it was not the kind of sight you could just forget about.

The car door slamming broke Kevin from his trance-like state and he gritted his teeth to hold back the tears, now that a fresh onslaught of memories was plaguing him.

“Leighanne is getting a ride with us,” Kristin informed him and Kevin looked at her with a questioning gaze, “Brian wants to stay here for a while,” she explained, reading her husband’s body language.

“I’m worried about him,” Kevin admitted, looking at the silhouette of his cousin walking down on the beach.

“He’ll be okay…in a way he’s right, we shouldn’t start celebrating Nick’s life until we know how he died.”

“He didn’t die, he was killed,” Kevin said offhandedly, still watching Brian in the distance.

***

Brian kicked at the rocks, huffing out an angry breath with each stone he sent careening across the beach. 

“You’re so melodramatic.”

“Shut up, I’m mad at you,” Brian spoke aloud to the voice in his head as if he were conversing with his best friend right then and there.

“You know you can’t stay mad at me,” Nick’s voice told him slyly and factually. 

Brian shook his head, “No, I’m really upset this time. I can’t believe you would do this to me!”

“I haven’t done anything to you.”

“Yes you did!” Brian yelled out to the empty beach, “You left me! I hate you for that! I hate the fact that you got yourself killed and didn’t even give me any way of finding out why! I HATE YOU!”

“Take it back,” Nick’s voice was stronger now and Brian couldn’t help but notice the sudden clarity as compared to how his voice usually sounded when he was talking to him in his head (as crazy as that already was).

“I can’t,” Brian whispered then was suddenly surprised when goose bumps rose on his arms and the hair on the back of his neck stood straight up on end.

“Take it back,” the voice said again, angrier this time and Brian swore he felt someone behind him, watching him.

He whirled around, his eyes going completely wide when he saw Nick standing in front of him looking pissed off. 

“W...who...I…oh my…Nick?” he asked, his voice barely there as he squeaked out the words.

“What?” Nick asked plainly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You’re…dead…”

“What are you talking about?” the blonde questioned, fighting back a smile. 

“You’re dead! I saw your dead body! I put you in the ground! You’re dead!” Brian was petrified with fear, his body rigid and cold.

“You’re crazy.”

Brian nodded, wide-eyed, “I must be going crazy that has to be it. You’re not really there, I’m just dreaming. This is all just a dream. I’m going to wake up and I’ll be at home and you’ll still be very dead.”

Nick watched his friend, amused, “I think maybe you should have your head examined.”

“This whole past year happened, I know it did,” Brian said as if he was trying to convince himself that he hadn’t dreamt up Nick’s whole murder, “I’m not crazy.”

“You are definitely crazy; batshit crazy even!”

“You…are you…you’re…alive?” Brian asked his voice full of uncertainty, his chest heavy as he panted nervously. He looked the man in front of him over and there was no disputing that Nick was standing in front of him plain as day. 

At his question Nick suddenly burst into hysterical laughter, slapping his hand on his leg, “I so had you going there for a second!”

“What?” Brian was thoroughly confused.

“Dude, I am so totally dead! I almost had you honestly believing I was still alive! Even after a year without any practice, I’ve totally still got it!”

“It’s official,” the shorter man sighed, “I’m crazy.”

“You’re not crazy,” Nick brushed him off, walking a little ways to sit down on a log; “I really am here.”

“But you are dead?” Brian wanted to clarify, still pretty confident in the fact that he was losing his mind.

“Yes,”

“Like a ghost or something?”

“Very much like a ghost or something.”

Brian ran his hands through his hair, trying to take it all in, “I thought visits from the other side were supposed to be heartfelt and meaningful. I didn’t think ghosts were supposed to practical joke.”

“This is me, I don’t do heartfelt and meaningful,” Nick shrugged. 

“I guess if I was expecting to be visited by your spirit I wouldn’t assume you would have suddenly become sensitive,” Brian reasoned in his mind, “So…why are you here?”

“You said you hated me,” Nick pouted, “Which you still haven’t taken back.”

“I won’t take it back, I meant it.”

“That’s unfair.”

“The guys…they act like you’re gone to the store or something,” Brian sighed and paused for a moment, thinking of questions he could ask Nick before he woke up and realized it was all a dream and he had been institutionalized during the night, “What happened to you?”

Nick pursed his lips, and then shrugged, “I don’t know I can’t remember.”

“What?!” Brian screeched, “How can you not remember what happened to you?”

“I don’t remember much of anything just bits and pieces here and there but only good things. It’s like the bad parts of my memories are gone,” Nick tried to explain even though he didn’t image he sounded any saner than Brian felt. 

“Then I don’t understand why you’re even here,” Brian huffed, “If you can’t even help me find who killed you then no one can!” 

“Who killed me?” 

Brian let out an exasperated sigh, “Well I would kind of hope that you could answer that question because I obviously can’t.”

“Maybe that is why I’m here,” Nick suggested, “I don’t really know myself. For the past couple of days I’ve been able to see what was going on down here but then I just found myself sitting on the beach. There’s got to be a reason, and that could be it.”

“How are you going to help if you can’t remember anything? Besides, once I wake up and you’re gone no one will believe I was talking to you anyway.”

“Brian, go home and go to bed and I promise you I’ll be there in the morning,” Nick assured him, only able to make out the older man’s outline in the darkness. 

“Nicky, if I wake up in the morning and you’re there…I’ll take it back,” he swore, meaning every word.