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Chapter Twenty Three – December 20

Rain fell in heavy sheets as friends and family gathered under black umbrellas for Aaron's funeral. After days and days of searching, no body was found, but a clump of blonde hair matching Aaron's was discovered smattered on the rocks below the lighthouse. A rush on DNA testing had concluded the hair did indeed belong to Aaron. It was presumed that the tide had taken him far out or pushed him down into the depths of the sea.

During the course of the search, authorities had begun to piece together Aaron’s whereabouts during the last two months of his life. The information was worse than anyone could have possibly imagined. Aaron had been involved with one of the deadliest gangs in Mexico. The gang was known for drug smuggling, arms handling, and human trafficking. The idea of human trafficking made my blood run cold, especially after Nick took it upon himself to call Maile's parents so that they could let Maile know about Aaron. Her parents told Nick that they hadn't heard from Maile in two months; right around the time she had called to tell them that Aaron was surprising her with a trip to Mexico.

She was now listed as a missing person.

As we entered the church, Nick shook out our rain drenched umbrella and took my hand. He had been tried so hard to keep it together as hope still remained, but he had completely broken down on the day the police discovered the blonde hair on the rocks. I didn't think my heart could break any more as I held him as he rocked back and forth on our bedroom floor, the phone clutched in his hand. Today he was more solemn than I had ever seen him before; in his eyes was a quiet determination to get through the day.

We walked up to the front of the church to take our seats in the Family section. As we walked, I noticed our entire Backstreet family, including Kevin. Nick stopped in his tracks as they stood up and came over. Nick was fine until Brian hugged him; then he began to cry.

"I'm sorry Nick," Brian whispered. "He was like my little brother too."

The entire funeral service was extremely emotional. A slideshow of Aaron's life was played. Pictures of Nick and Aaron were plentiful. Whatever had happened in the last few years between the two was completely overshadowed by the fact that they had been extremely close. As the slideshow ended, the preacher stepped forward.

"And before we conclude the services for today, Aaron's brother Nick would like to symbolize our reflection of Aaron’s life with song. Aaron lived to sing and perform; there could be no better tribute that could be given to help his soul alight to Heaven," he said.

Nick's hand patted my knee as he stood shakily. Leslie let out a shaky breath. Angel dabbed at her tears with a tissue. Jane was stoic; she had begged a doctor to give her a sedative to get her through the day. So far, it seemed to be working. From the creaking of the pews behind me, I knew the other Boys were joining their brother.

With Kevin's arm draped comfortingly around his shoulder, Nick led the way up to the front of the church followed by Brian, AJ, and Howie. Their heads lowered in unison in silent prayer before the organist began to play. With voices that struggled not to quiver, the Boys performed a beautiful rendition of Go Rest High on That Mountain and Never Gone. There was not a dry eye in the house. When they were finished, they filed past a picture of Aaron on the way back to their seats, stopping momentarily to kiss the frame. Nick was the last to pass; he fell to his knees, his head bowed. When he rose he placed his hand to his mouth and then placed it over the picture. When he sat back down next to me, he buried his face in my shoulder.

Without a body to bury, there was no gravesite service. After Nick collected himself, he took my hand and squeezed it tightly as we rose from our seats and walked back out into the drenching rain. Nick turned as a hand squeezed his shoulder; Kevin walked up beside him.
"I've got to catch a plane back to Lexington," he said apologetically. "Kristin's flying Mason in for Christmas with me.”

"How are things going Kev?" He looked tired, but I could see the quiet resolve back in his eyes. It gave me hope.

"I'm taking it one day at a time," he answered. "Just getting Mason here for Christmas was challenging, but those wonderful reference letters you guys sent in helped a lot. I think we've almost settled on a custody schedule. We'll be back in court January 10. If everything's agreed upon, the divorce will be finalized by the end of February or first of March."

"Thank you for coming," Nick said. Kevin clasped him in a hug.

"Anything for you," he said earnestly.

The rest of the guys and their wives followed us to a restaurant after the service. Jane and Bob sat at opposite ends of the table. It was the first time I had seen Nick’s half-brother Kaden; he looked so much like Nick that I couldn’t help but have a little feeling of déjà vu. Bob's wife was by his side; she looked just slightly older than me. I knew now why Nick felt uncomfortable visiting his dad. Amazingly, we managed to get through the entire ordeal without another Carter family fight. I attributed it to the sedatives Jane was on.

"Thank you guys so much for coming," Nick spoke up as conversation ebbed away and the Boys prepared to leave.

"If you need anything Nick, let us know," Howie said.

"Just call, AJ added.

"We're not that far away," Brian finished.

“We love you both,” Leighanne added. She gave me and Nick a tight hug.

After they left, Nick looked around at his family. No one seemed to know what to say, but almost in unison everyone got up and began to say their goodbyes. Angel hung back, coming up to us after all the others had left the restaurant. Nick wrapped her in a hug.

“I love you Angel,” he said.

“I love you too Nick.” When she pulled back I saw a strange look on her face. She wiped her eyes once more.

“Can I tell you something?” she said quietly.

“Of course,” he replied.

“I know it sounds weird, but out of everyone you and I are the ones that believe in the crazy stuff, like the Ouija boards. I just…” she shivered and looked at Nick. “I’m his twin and I’ve always felt a connection to him. And I just don’t feel like he’s dead.” Her eyes were pleading, begging him to believe her.

Nick hugged her again. “Angel, I promise you that I won’t stop believing until they find his body. We’re in this together okay?” He hooked her pinky around his own. She gave him a weak, watery smile.

“Thank you, Nick,” she said softly. “I knew you of all people might understand.”

We said one last goodbye to her outside the restaurant and then climbed into the car. As I buckled up I looked over at Nick. He sat unbuckled, staring thoughtfully out at the rain splattering on the windshield.

“Nick?” I said softly. He shook his head slightly and looked over at me.

“Honey, are you okay?” I asked. He nodded.

“It’s just funny,” he mused. “I’ve had the same feeling that somehow Aaron wasn’t…” he trailed off. “It’s okay to keep hoping, right?”

I nodded. “I don’t think I would expect any less.”

His shoulders slumped with relief. The engine roared to life and we drove home in relative silence.

It just seemed right to leave Nick with his thoughts.