~ 40 ~

Around the Corner

The first few days after the explosion, I was in really bad shape. The doctors weren’t even sure if I would make it. I’m still unclear about what happened. The guys said something about a crate breaking into a million pieces and a huge chunk hitting me on the head. I was comatose for a few days and I heard at one point a priest even came in to deliver last rites, although that’s weird because I’m not Catholic but I guess when you’re about to die, you take what you can get. There was some brain swelling and talk of potential permanent damage, but in the end, all I suffered was memory loss.

I was lucky.

Supposedly I was comatose for about four days before I opened my eyes for the first time. I wanted to talk to the people in my hospital room, I saw them and wanted them to know I was okay, but I had a tube down my throat because I guess I wasn’t able to breathe without it.

I always awoke to someone’s hand in my own. Most times it was Kevin or one of the other guys. Sometimes it was Anne, Kevin’s mom who is now my legal guardian. They would all whisper to me that I was going to be okay. I didn’t believe them and I’m not really sure why.

As I would come in and out of consciousness those first few days, I would hear discussions about things that made no sense to me. Sometimes I would keep my eyes closed so they would think I wasn’t awake.

One time I could swear I even heard my mother’s voice in the room.

 “I wish we could take him with us.”

“This is the only way he’s going to be safe sweetheart.”

“Don’t worry Jane; you’re leaving him in good hands. I promise I’ll take good care of him for you.”

“Thanks Anne. He almost died because of us.”

“He was far enough away honey. Kevin made sure to get them all far enough away. It was just a freak accident.”

All of these things make no sense because A) my mother has been dead for a very long time now and B) my father who told my mother not to worry is also dead, which leads me to believe that maybe I died briefly and joined them. For some reason thinking that gives me a little comfort and hope that one day I’ll see them both again.

My father died in the fire, I was told a few days after I woke up. They said it was some kind of freakish explosion and the guys were there with me. Whenever I ask them for details they look at me funny. They always seem to exchange looks when they think I’m not paying attention. You know the kinds of looks you get when people around you are planning a surprise party and you happen to walk in on them. It makes me feel like there’s more to the story but unless I remember it myself, it’ll probably remain a mystery.

Shortly after I was able to talk, Howie asked me what the last thing I remembered before the accident was. I said I was in a hotel room talking to my dad on the phone. He was coming to see me for Christmas, after that, it’s all a big blur.

The guys looked relieved when I said that which makes me think that something bad happened. Whenever I ask them they change the subject. When I slept I heard whispers of “Should we tell him the truth?” Followed by answers like, “No, the fact that he doesn’t have any memories of what really happened is a blessing in disguise.”

I decided not to press the issue.

I underwent intense rehab because my speech patterns were all wonky and remembering little things like how to spell my name for instance took a lot of effort but I made a very quick recovery. I managed to impress all the doctors with my drive. I wasn’t really driven though. It felt more like a running away. I just wanted to get out of the hospital and back to some kind of normalcy although for me, things would never quite feel normal again.

About six months after the accident, the dreams started to come. I had the worst dreams about people trying to kill me. I was always running away from someone or something. Calling out to my father, but he never answered.

When I would tell Brian what I dreamt, he’d bite on his bottom lip and look away before telling me not to worry, at least it was just a dream and dreams can’t hurt you. I could tell he didn’t believe the words he was saying though.

He seldom looks me in the eyes anymore.

 “Are you all packed and ready to go?” I looked over at Kevin confused for a second. That’s another thing that happens a lot these days. I tend to just drift off and it takes someone physically placing an arm on my shoulder and a look in my eyes, to get me back from wherever I go. Not that I never daydreamed before but I guess now I have a medical excuse.

“Uh…yeah, just about.”

Because he knows me so well, he answered before I even had a chance to ask. “Germany Nick, we’re going to Germany.”

“Right, I knew that.” I smiled at him. I actually did not know that.

It’s been over a year since we’ve been out of the US and that of course has been my fault. I got the all clear from the doctors though, so Lou wasted no time in booking us on a really long tour. Lord only knows when we’ll be home again. Not that I care anymore. I no longer have a home. I’m not saying that the Richardson’s haven’t accepted me with open arms. Actually it’s been incredible how ready they have been to make me part of their family.

Sorry, it happened again…

Right, I was saying, nothing against Kevin’s family but no matter how many hugs and kisses I get from them, in the end they still aren’t my real family. I am an orphan now. Nothing is ever going to change that.

AJ walked in the room and smiled at me, “You all ready to go Nickster? Let me take your bag.” That’s the other weird thing. Ever since the accident AJ has been overly nice to me. Maybe he was hit with a block of wood too?

“Thanks man.” I smiled and handed him my suitcase.

“It’ll be kind of nice having fans again. I don’t like being invisible.”

I nodded but didn’t agree with him. I kind of like being invisible. There’s something ‘safe’ about it. Being around a lot of people makes me uneasy these days. I’m sure it’s just because of what happened and so much time out of the spotlight, but when I am around people I don’t know, I become nervous. Hopefully that will go away.

The ride to the airport was filled with our management telling us our itinerary. I tried not to zone out but I must have because the next thing I knew, Brian was patting my back and telling me we were there. I’m sure they’ll fill me in on anything important I may have missed.

After checking in, we took a seat in the waiting area. Now this seemed familiar to me. Waiting to leave on another tour, the last time I was here it was to pick up my dad I think. “We were here to get my father, weren’t we?”

“Yeah Nick.” Kevin answered. He always seems to be the one to answer.

“Did we have a good Christmas last year? I don’t remember?”

More looks of unease, “I’m going to go get a coffee, does anyone else want a coffee?” Kevin stood up and we all shook our heads.

I was restless and stood up as well. “Where are you going?” Howie asked as if I was five years old.

“The bathroom.”

“Want company?” AJ was once again being nice.

“No, that’s okay.”

I ventured towards the bathroom and felt like I was being followed so I quickly turned. It felt like déjà vu. I didn’t see anyone there so I went in and splashed some water on my face. After grabbing a paper towel to wipe off the excess water I went to leave only to run into a guy full force, making him drop his paper.

“Sorry!” I said as I went to pick it up for him. He was wearing long and pointy shoes. I found myself just staring at them. Finally I stood straight up and handed the guy his paper.

“No, problem.” He said smiling at me, and then quickly looked around. “Are you here alone?”

“No, my friends are with me.”

He nodded, “Good. Stay with them, you shouldn’t be off wandering by yourself.”

I nodded in return and then awkwardly walked past him and back into the main terminal, glancing back one last time to see him staring at me. He seemed familiar.

When I got back to the guys they were all huddled around along with management. They were in mid conversation and it quickly halted when they saw me approaching. Everyone has a secret nowadays. Sometimes it gets old.

“Nick, I wanted to introduce you to one of our new security guards.” Pamela, one of the people from Lou’s management team said. The way the guys were huddled around him, you would think they were already the best of friends.

“Hey.” He said with some kind of freaky accent.

“Hey.” I took the guys hand, hoping he wouldn’t be assigned to me. He was pretty scrawny for a bodyguard and not all that much older than Kevin.

“What’s your name?”

“Andrew.” He said smiling at me.

“Where are you from Andrew?”

“Russia.”

“Nice.” I then took a seat and put on my headphones. It was going to be a long flight and I wanted to take a quick nap before I got on the plane. I’m kind of scared of planes.

“You ready for this?” My brand new cousin asked me after he finally stopped talking to the new hired help.

“I guess so. It’ll be kind of nice I think.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Hazy.”

He nodded at me. It seemed to be my go to explanation of what it feels like to be me nowadays.

I feel like I live in a haze now, somewhere between real and dreams and everyday that line becomes harder to discern. There are actually days when I am convinced I’m not who I think I am. I guess the best way to describe it is walking down a long corridor and just when you think you’re at the end, there’s always a corner to turn. Most of the time I’m afraid to find what lurks around the corner, so I stop myself and back away.

Maybe one day I’ll venture forward.

“Looks like we’re boarding.” Kevin said patting my leg.

I took off my headphones and handed them to our newly acquired help. He seemed amused by that. “I guess I’m your bodyguard then?”

“I can take care of myself. I don’t really need a bodyguard. Consider yourself more like a butler.”

“Great…” He smirked at me.

We had the same smirk.

Ah well, guess I won’t be getting sleep anytime soon. What is it they say? You can sleep when you die and I’d like to think I’ll live a very long life since my family sadly can’t say the same.

Another thought popped into my head just as we started to board the plane…

“Guys, have I ever mentioned a blueberry pig?”

The end