Checkout at the hotel was at eleven, so after breakfast, I returned to my own room to shower and pack up my stuff. Then I went back to Nick’s suite to help him with his. He hadn’t thrown up again, but he was still nauseous and weak, like he had the stomach flu.
“This sucks,” he griped, sitting on the bed while I made sure all of the medical supplies were packed away in his suitcase. “My brother called and wanted to hang out today, but I told him we were on a tight schedule... which is total bullshit. He’s gonna think I just don’t wanna see him.”
“You could tell him the truth,” I replied off-handedly.
“No,” Nick said flatly. “My family’s got enough drama already. Mostly self-created, but still. The last thing they need is to worry about me. I’m the one they don’t worry about, the one who’s supposed to have it all together.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I couldn’t imagine going through this without my family around.”
“Yeah, well... I’m sure your family ain’t like mine. You got any brothers or sisters?”
“Only child.” I’d always wished that wasn’t the case, but my mom hadn’t been able to have any more children after me. It was actually through trying and failing to get pregnant a second time that she found out she was sick. After that, there was no chance of me getting a little brother or sister.
“You’re lucky. I love my brother and sisters, but they got screwed over having me as their big brother. Aaron’s always been compared to me, and the girls just got neglected. They resent me for it.”
“I dunno... I always wanted a little sister,” I said. “I think you’re the lucky one.” I could have gone on, but I wasn’t out to guilt trip him. He felt bad enough already. “There,” I said, zipping up the suitcase. “I think we’re all ready. Are you?”
He stood up and held out his arms. “I dunno, what do you think? Can you see anything?”
I looked. He had fastened the pouch with the chemo pump around his torso, underneath a baggy t-shirt. Over that, he wore a plaid button-down, hanging open. The loose layers of clothing worked perfectly; I couldn’t see any weird bulges. “Nope,” I said, giving him a thumbs up. “You look fine.”
“Awesome.” He still checked his reflection in the mirror one more time before we headed out. Then we made our way slowly down to the ground level and outside, where the fleet of tour buses were parked. I was supposed to be sharing a bus with the four back-up dancers, but Nick said, “Just get on my bus.”
I didn’t argue. There was no point. Now that everyone thought we were an item, it made sense for me to ride on his bus, and of course, it would make it much easier to administer the rest of his chemo. So I boarded the bus with him.
“Swanky,” I said, looking around, as he gave me a quick tour. The bus had its own lounge and kitchenette, a bathroom with a shower, and plenty of bunks, each with their own TV suspended from the ceiling.
“I’ve got Xbox in mine,” Nick pointed out. “If you’re nice, maybe I’ll let you play with me.”
I giggled. “No Wii?”
“It’s in the lounge. You can’t exactly play Wii in one of these bunks,” he replied seriously. I raised my eyebrows in surprise; I had only been joking about the Wii. He chuckled at the look on my face. “Hey, don’t forget, you’re on the Backstreet tour now, baby. We travel in style. Lifestyles of the rich and Nicky.”
His attempt at a stuffy British accent made me giggle again. But I was definitely impressed. “And they don’t even make you and AJ share?” I could understand why Howie and Brian each got their own bus; they had their families with them. But it seemed a little extravagant for Nick and AJ to each have a bus all to himself.
“Nah... Rochelle’s coming out in another week or so, and trust me-” he snorted, “-you don’t wanna share a bus with those two.”
I laughed. “I’ll take your word for it.”
When everyone else had apparently made it onto their buses, we pulled away from the hotel. Before long, we were on the interstate, cutting across Florida to the Gulf coast. “Clearwater’s near where you grew up, isn’t it?” I asked Nick. We were sitting in the front lounge, and I kept looking out the big, tinted windows. The urban landscape of Miami, dotted with palm trees and set against a backdrop of brilliant blue sky, didn’t look much different from LA, but it was a far cry from where I lived.
“’Bout an hour from Ruskin, yeah,” he replied. “It ain’t as pretty as Miami and the Keys, but it’s nice. I’ll always be a Florida boy at heart.” He smiled faintly, settling back on the leather couch. I could tell he knew Florida well. After a while, he said, “We’re in the Everglades now.”
I looked out the window again. The buildings and suburban neighborhoods were gone, replaced by uninhabited swampland. A shiver of excitement ran through me, as I imagined alligators lurking in the narrow creek that ran parallel to the highway and god-knows-what skulking among the thick trees.
As if he’d read my mind - or maybe he’d just seen it in my face - Nick grinned wickedly and said, “This is where Skunk Ape lives, you know.”
I laughed and asked, “Skunk Ape?”
“Yeah, you know... Skunk Ape. He’s like the Bigfoot of the swamps. Haven’t you seen him on MonsterQuest? He supposedly rolls around in dead animal carcasses to get people to leave him alone, and that’s why he stinks so... bad...” Nick trailed off, the boyish grin fading from his face, which had gotten a little green around the gills. “Ugh... fuck...” he groaned and scrambled up from the couch. He staggered off to the bathroom in the back of the bus, and I cringed when I heard the unmistakable sounds of him throwing up again.
When he didn’t come back, I wandered to the back of the bus and found him on his knees, gripping the sides of the toilet again as if he were afraid to let go. It didn’t help that it was a lot bouncier back here; I felt the bus rocking over the road and the floor vibrating beneath me as I sank down beside Nick. His skin was all clammy; I could feel the cold sweat soaking through his t-shirt when I patted his back.
“Ugh... think anyone would believe I’m bus sick?” he asked miserably, his voice hoarse from the strain of vomiting.
I smiled. “You don’t have to tell anyone anything right now. Maybe you should try to lie down again.”
“Yeah... okay...” He pulled himself up slowly and flushed the tiny bus toilet. Down went the little bit of breakfast he’d managed to eat that morning. I worried again about him getting dehydrated.
When he was settled in his bunk, I brought him back another sodium bicarbonate tablet and a bottle of Gatorade to wash it down with. “Drink slowly,” I warned him, “but try to get it down.”
He sipped, and the Gatorade stayed down. “Wake me up on Wednesday,” he mumbled, and rolled over.
I stretched out in the bunk across from his, hoping to get a cat nap in myself. But instead, I lay awake, staring up at the bottom of the bunk above mine and worrying, as usual. I seemed to do a lot more worrying than Nick did, which didn’t seem fair at all. This was his stupid plan, and I was the one giving myself an ulcer over it. He didn’t seem overly concerned that he had a show tomorrow night and another one on Tuesday - both chemo days, although not as intense as this one. Wednesday was another day off, so he would be able to recuperate some then, but his body would take a lot longer than that to recover from the chemo.
Halfway to Clearwater, we stopped for lunch. I watched the others emerge from their buses and looked back at Nick, who was zonked out in his bunk. I didn’t want to wake him up, but I wondered if he’d want me to. He was so determined to act like everything was normal, and it definitely wouldn’t look normal if he hid out on his bus while everyone else ate lunch together. Besides, I thought he should try to eat or at least drink something.
I leaned into his bunk, and just as I was about to give him a poke, I heard a deep voice call into the bus, “Yo, Carter! Where are you, man?”
It was AJ. “Nick,” I hissed, “wake up.”
“Huh?” Nick sat up sleepily, bumping his head on the top of the bunk. “Fuck!” he swore, ducking under it and rubbing his head.
“Dude, haven’t you learned by now?” AJ appeared in the doorway, snickering. “We need to put a sign on your bunk, like they have in those old castles in Europe... ‘Mind your head.’” He smirked when he saw me. “What hanky-panky have you two been up to back here?”
I flushed red, but Nick just scowled and snapped, “Sleeping! And not together, okay?” He shot me a meaningful look, which I appreciated, after what had happened Friday morning. But I hadn’t had a chance to tell him, the damage was already done.
AJ started cackling. “Riiiiight. That’s not what D heard this morning! How ya doin’ there, Cary?” He grinned like the Cheshire Cat. “A little sore, are we, after the old Carter workout?”
Nick looked over at me again, this time in utter bewilderment. I felt my face getting hotter, but I tried to keep my dignity. “I’m fine, thanks.”
“Glad to hear it. So, are you two gonna break for lunch, or what? You’re gonna need some fuel to keep up your stamina.” He was loving this.
“Where are we?” Nick asked, ignoring the last comment.
“Fort Myers. C’mon, I’m fuckin’ starving.”
“Alright... coming,” said Nick, sighing heavily. I gave him a questioning look as he dragged himself out of his bunk, wondering how he was feeling, but there wasn’t much either of us could say with AJ around. We followed him off the bus, blinking as our eyes adjusted to the bright afternoon sun.
We were parked at a Marathon gas station, along with several of the other buses. The rest of the fleet had stopped at the Circle K across the street. There were restaurants all around us - everything from fast food places like Chick-Fil-A, McDonald’s, and Taco Bell, to sit down restaurants like Applebee’s, Bob Evans, and Steak ‘N’ Shake. I could see the sign for Wal-Mart in one direction and Target in another. It was weird, but for a moment, I almost felt like I was home again. I hadn’t seen a Wal-Mart or a Steak ‘N’ Shake since I’d left Illinois.
Brian and Howie came strolling over with their families in tow, Leigh carrying James. “Where we headed?” Brian asked, shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand as he looked around.
“Well, you know where AJ’s gonna pick,” said Howie, pointing to the golden arches in the distance.
Brian made a face. “Yeah... no. How about Applebee’s?” he suggested, looking in the same direction. “Good variety, classier than Mickey D’s?”
“That sounds good,” Leighanne instantly agreed.
“Fine with us,” Howie said, and Leigh nodded. “Can you live with that, AJ?”
“Sure, sure, that’s fine,” AJ replied, sighing loftily. “Maybe I’ll just get my Mickey D’s to go and bring it in.”
Brian snorted. “Now that’s classy.”
“Are you guys okay with Applebee’s?” Howie asked Nick and me.
I looked at Nick. He was staring off into the distance - just spacing out, I thought at first, but then I realized what he was looking at. Across the street, catty-corner from the gas station, was a large, modern-looking building placed at the edge of a huge parking lot. I quickly recognized it as a hospital, and so had Nick. Regional Cancer Center was spelled out in white letters on the side of the building. A lump rose in my throat as I read the words.
“Hello? Earth to Nick?”
“Come in, Nick, come in,” Brian chimed in, doing a muffled radio voice.
Nick finally snapped out of it. “What?” he asked, sounding annoyed.
“Lunch? Applebee’s?”
“Oh - yeah, whatever. Cool with me.”
I didn’t miss the odd looks the other guys gave him, but it must have been fairly normal for Nick to zone out on them, because no one commented. Still, as we started walking in the direction of the Applebee’s sign, I couldn’t help but think that Nick was going to have to step it up in the acting department if he didn’t want them to start asking questions. It was obvious something was bothering him. I wished he would just tell them what it was.
“Are you okay?” I asked him in a low voice, as we fell behind the others.
“I’ll be fine,” he replied, back to his usual stubborn denial.
We walked on in silence. Of course, the restaurant they’d picked had to be the furthest one away, and by the time we got inside, we were all sweating just from being out in the ninety-degree heat. While everyone else was flushed, though, Nick just looked pale.
The hostess seated us around a large table in the private back room, typically reserved for parties. I was relieved when the waiter came right away to take our drink orders. “We’ll both have water,” I ordered for Nick and myself, before he could get a word in. “Lots of ice, please.”
The waiter brought our drinks, and within a few minutes of sipping ice water, some of the color came back into Nick’s face. I still worried about him, though. I wondered what he would do if he got nauseous here at the table. What excuse would he make if he had to keep running off to the bathroom?
He ordered grilled chicken with a side of steamed veggies, and while everyone else smiled at him with approval, thinking he was just making a healthy choice, I knew he was going for the blandest thing on the menu. He was quiet while we waited for our food, but there was so much other talking going around the table, no one really noticed. Baylee and James, in particular, kept everyone entertained. Baylee was Brian’s Mini-Me, in personality as much as in looks, and James was absolutely adorable. He could only say a few words, but he made up for Nick’s lack of conversation with plenty of baby talk.
Nick excused himself once before the food came and once afterward. When he came back the second time, AJ said loudly, “You got the shits or somethin’, Carter?”
“AJ!” hissed Leighanne, tossing her head toward her son. “Children!”
“Ummm! You said a bad word, Uncle AJ,” Baylee chimed in gleefully.
“Yeah, I did. My bad. Bad Uncle AJ,” AJ reprimanded himself. “I should have said ‘runs.’ Or ‘squirts.’”
“Squirts,” repeated Baylee, giggling.
AJ snickered. “Or ‘water butt.”
“Water butt!” Baylee shouted and started laughing like a hyena. This made James squeal with laughter and slap the sides of his high chair, which cracked everyone else up, too. Everyone except Nick, who had turned red.
“I think I ate somethin’ bad yesterday,” he mumbled. “I’ve been sick to my stomach all day.”
“Really?” said Howie, with a look of mild concern. “I’ve felt okay. What about you guys?” He glanced around the table, and everyone else shrugged and nodded, indicating that they hadn’t had any trouble.
“I hope it’s not a stomach virus!” Leighanne exclaimed, shuddering.
“Nah, I’m sure it’s nothin’,” Nick said dismissively. “I’ll be fine.”
Well, at least he’d admitted he didn’t feel well so they would leave him alone. I just wondered what he would say next time. Eventually, he would run out of excuses, as the chemo kept taking its toll on him. Maybe then, he would finally realize what I’d known all along: sooner or later, he was going to have to tell the guys the truth.
***
