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Chapter Twelve - June 30

It's amazing how fast time flies when you're taking care of two infants. The first month that Alexis and Jonah spent at home was an absolute blur. A visiting nurse checked on us three times a day. The nurse, Flora, was a middle-aged lady that deserved sainthood right up there with Reva. She was patient even when I was freaking out. Even when I didn't think I could handle another minute of crying, she pointed out some new little baby accomplishment that made the sleep deprivation all worth while.

The only other good thing about being so fucking busy was that it didn't leave many moments in the day for me to dwell. When I finally fell into bed at night my brain didn't have an opportunity to sink down into the depths of dispair. It just shut off.

The sound of Jonah wailing woke me up out of a deep sleep. I lay there for just a moment wishing as I did every time I woke up that Ro was here. I got up and headed over to his crib.

"What's a matter Joe?" I asked as I stifled a yawn. His hands opened and closed and his face was as red as a tomato. I held him close and took a wiff. I turned my head and gagged.

"You are a crapping machine," I said with a cough. I put him down on the changing table and got out a new diaper. I had learned the hard way that when changing to cover up the junk. Getting hit with a stream of piss in the face isn't fun.

It was kind of amusing, but Jonah actually enjoyed diaper changes. Once the dirty diaper was removed and he was cleaned up his little legs spread open like he was just content to let it all air out. He'd shove his hand in his mouth and just watch me lazily as if his job of throwing a bitch fit was done.

"You are such a pimp," I said with a laugh. I tightened the tabs on the diaper and scooped him up. I put him down in the crib and turned on the mobile.

I had almost gotten back to bed when there was a loud clap of thunder. It sounded almost like an explosion. I hadn't even realized we were expecting rain. The moment the boom filled my ears I heard Jonah start to wail.

"Shhh," I consoled as I made my way back to his crib. I scooped him back up just as another clap of thunder rent the air. I patted him gently and walked towards Alexis' crib. I looked down ready to scoop her up as well.

But she was sound asleep.

It wasn't the first time that I had sensed something was wrong. I wanted to chalk it up to Alexis being an amazingly chill baby, but there was a point where that just wasn't enough.

Jonah's cries slowly became whimpers. I put him back in his crib and walked down the hall towards my bedroom. I flipped on the light and looked around.

By the time I walked back into the nursery I was armed with a whistle, a bell, and a wind-up alarm clock. I stood my Alexis' crib and looked down at her. Her mouth was slightly open; her fingers curled into little fists. I slowly brought the whistle to my lips and blew.

The shrill sound filled the room. Jonah began to cry again. Alexis slept on. My heart began to pound. I took the bell and slowly dropped it down into her crib. I shook it right next to her ear.

And still she slept on.

With shaking hands I set the alarm to go off in a minute. I held the clock above her head. When it finally rolled over and the alarm blared out I let out an anguished moan. There was no denying.

Ally couldn't hear.

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"I'm going to repeat the ABR test that we did at birth. At that time we screened both Ally and Joe at birth and the hearing tests came out fine."

I held Jonah while Ally lay on the exam table. Dr. Tresher placed five electrodes on her head.

"What will those do?" I asked.

"We're going to send a variety of sounds through small earphones. As the hearing nerves fire, the sound will travel to the brain and the electrodes will pick up on that in waveform. I can watch the screen and determine the softest levels Ally can hear."

I sat there while the test was performed. I watched the screen. It didn't take a college degree to see that the activity level on the screen was almost nonexistant. I heard Dr. Tresher sigh.

"This is completely different than the first screening," she said. "It must be an indirect complication from the pneumonia."

"How bad is it?" I asked. Dr. Tresher looked at Ally and then at me.

"Total hearing loss," she said. I closed my eyes.

"I'm going to recommend you to a specialist in this field," she continued. "The good thing is that you were so attuned to her that you caught this right away. The earlier a diagnosis is given the sooner a course of action can be discussed."

"What type of action?" I asked.

"Well, I'm not a specialist, but catching such profound hearing loss so early means that there are more options. One is cochlear implants."

When I heard the word implants all I could think of was boobs. BIG boobs.

"What are cochlear implants?"

"It's a surgically implanted device that will provide a sense of sound. The surgery is usually done around the time the baby turns one. Prelingual children are some of the best candidates."

"So eventually she'll hear and talk?"

"If that's the way the specialist thinks you can go, then yes."

My head pounded. It seemed like every time I turned around, life was giving me the finger.

After I got Ally and Joe in their carseats, Dr. Tresher handed me my paperwork and a referral card for the specialist. I walked out feeling like there was not a person in the world who would ever understand what I was going through.

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After we returned home I had just enough time to schedule an appointment with the audiologist before interviews started for the nanny position. The first time the doorbell rang, I opened the door expecting to see a Ms. Delores Pfifferstein. Instead I saw Nick leaning against the doorframe with a lazy grin. I stared at him in surprise.

"Well, don't say hi or anything," he teased.

"Hi. What are you doing here?"

Nick straightened up and breezed past me into the foyer.

"You told me when I talked to you earlier this week you were interviewing nannies today. So here I am."

"I see you are," I said. I closed the door and turned around. "Why?"

Nick looked at me like I was insane.

"I'm going to help you pick out a nanny."

"I don't need help."

Nick snorted. "Of course you do. You tend to judge women on the three T rule and that won't work for taking care of two infants."

I scratched my beard and looked at him in confusion.

"Three T's? What the fuck, man?"

Nick held up three fingers.

"Tongue. Thighs. Titties."

I scowled. The last thing I had thought about since 'then' was women.

"You don't have to worry about that, Nick," I said.

"Well, I also don't want you to pick someone based off the three G's."

His acronyms were getting mildly amusing.

"Three G's?"

"Gray, grumpy, and geritol."

Before I had a chance to respond, the doorbell rang. I groaned and motioned towards the living room.

"Sit on the couch and don't try to be helpful."

Nick grinned, pulled out a notebook and headed towards the living room.

The first woman we interviewed was Ms. Pfifferstein. I hate to admit it, but she met Nick's three 'G's' classification.

The next three women were almost as bad. One spoke very little English, one smelled of sauerkraut, and one didn't look like she could pick up a toothbrush without dropping it.

"I think the next one's going to be the one," Nick called from the living room as the doorbell rang for the fifth time. I snorted.

On first appearance, the fifth woman didn't seem bad. Her name was Kathy Polizzo. She reminded me of Mary Poppins. Of course that might have just been because she was carrying a gigantic bag. But, I did feel a little hopeful.

"Now, what experience have you had with handling infants?" I asked.

"I've been a professional nanny for fifteen years," she said. She opened her bag and pulled out a neat stack of papers in one of those clear report binders. She handed it to me.

"I made a photocopy of the references from all my past clients," she said. "Organized chronologically."

Nick leaned over my shoulder.

"What do you do with a toddler that likes to eat crayons?" he asked. I looked over at him. He was skimming advice for his own personal use. Now I knew his ulterior motive.

"Oh, none of my charges ever did that," she said. "I firmly believe in teaching the right way to do things from the beginning."

"Yeah, but everyone makes mistakes," Nick argued.

I leaned back into the couch. I needed someone to teach my kids the right way. I knew the older they got, the more chance I had of screwing up. Even though she sounded very 'Super-Nannish,' she might be just what I was looking for.

"My daughter," I said hesitatingly. "She has some hearing problems."

I saw Nick look at me, but I ignored him for the moment. "Do you have any experience dealing with things like that?"

Ms. Polizzo frowned. "You mean slow children?"

It was like she had slapped me. And I hate to be slapped. I stood up and handed her back her report.

"Thank you for your time."

She started to argue but I was walking towards the door and she had no choice to follow.

"Have a nice day," I said cooly. I slammed the door.

"J?" Nick called. I closed my eyes. I was starting to get a headache.

"What?" I called back.

Nick appeared in the hall, a frown on his face.

"Is Ally okay?"

I scratched my beard again. I really needed to shave. Shave the whole damn thing off.

"No," I said quietly. "She's deaf. I have to take her to a specialist and see if there's anything we can do."

"Jesus, J," Nick said. "I..."

Before Nick could respond the doorbell rang for the sixth time. It was my last interview of the day. I opened the door and looked out in surprise.

"Hi, I'm Molly," she said before I could even look down at my list of candidates to check the name. "This is Shelby. I'm here for the live-in nanny position."

Molly looked like she was in her late twenties or early thirties. Shelby looked like she was about five. Both had outrageous curly red hair that didn't look like it had been combed for days. Shelby was wearing a ballerina tutu, a pirate patch, and hooker heels.

It takes a lot to render me speechless.

This rendered me speechless.