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Chapter Nineteen

If you've ever wondered what a Backstreet barbeque might look like, you wouldn't have had to look any further than Kev's front yard. I can describe the whole entire evening in one word: PANDEMONIUM.

There were almost as many kids as adults. Shelby found a male counterpart in Mason and they ended up screaming just for the fun of screaming on top of a picnic table. There was a massive freakout over hot dogs being made out of real dogs (that theory brought to you by Ms. Shelby, of course) and then all the kids saw Kevin's horse (okay, that sounds damn dirty) and wanted to ride.

By the time Nick announced that there was going to be male bonding happening and that all the girls had to go back to the hotel, I was ready for a little quiet. My ears were ringing and I had eaten so much potato salad that I thought I might actually have to pop the top button on my jeans.

I helped Molly get Ally and Joe in the car. She turned around and smiled.

"Sorry. It gets a little crazy when we're all together," I said. Her eyes crinkled up as her smile widened.

"I have a feeling my daughter added to that." She stuck two fingers in her mouth and a loud whistle ripped through the air. "SHELBY!"

Shelby ran up to the van. She had so much dust and dirt on her that her hair almost looked brown. She turnd around and gave me an adorable smile.

"This is cool Mr. J!"

I laughed. "Glad you're having fun."

After Bri took the bus back to unload the ladies, I was ganged up on. Nick, Kevin, and Howie all had an opinion about 'the nanny.' At least all of their opinions pretty much matched. Even though they didn't come right out and say it, I think they all hinted that I should just go for it. Which I already knew I would. I just didn't need any interruptions (thank you, Nick).

Before we all started to sound like those ladies on The View, the hairdresser arrived for Kev. Once Brian got back, we all headed inside and Nick began to walk around with the videocamera. Kev's hair transformation was a little like watching paint dry. Nick got bored and turned his attention on me.

That was never good.

Somehow I ended up across from Kev in a kitchen chair with Howie standing in front of me as my personal stylist. Everyone insisted my thick beard had to go. Yes, it itched and yes, it probably didn't look well groomed, but...well, at least Howie had the razor. I wouldn't have let Nick within fifty fucking feet of me with a sharp object.

Surprisingly, the more little hairs that fell off, the better I felt. Howie paused halfway through. Brian and Nick had made a bet on who could spit a watermelon seed farther and Howie was the official distance marker. In the end, Brian won and we were all rewarded with watching Nick sing 'Milkshake' in drag. The dude has the hairest belly-button I've ever seen. I'm thinking he should start shaving his chest and stomach again.

After the 'show,' Howie returned to work and Donna, the hairstylist finished up Kev's cornrows. After a little smack down for any loose hairs, Howie stepped back with a smile.

"Much better. Now she'll want to kiss you," Nick said.

"I think she did before. You interrupted us," I said. I glared at him; hoping he would get the point.

Nick just waved carelssly. "Small detail."

Yeah, small detail for him considering he was married to Mrs. Energizer Bunny. They both just kept going...and going...and going...

I sat back and watched Kev humiliate himself by declaring that Nick was supreme and then we all watched the de-rowing and the subsequent haircut. When it was all over Kevin ran his hand through his newly spiked hair and smiled.

"Better. Much better."

"So what's our next bet?" Nick asked. Kevin just looked at him.

"I think we better be getting back," I suggested.

"Yeah, you have a kiss waiting for you," Howie teased.

"What? No kiss for you, How?" Bri asked. Howie pretended to pout.

"They're few and far between."

"Aww." Bri grabbed Howie's face and gave him a big smackeroo right on the lips. Nick started to laugh and Howie ran his mouth over his bare arm so many times that I was pretty sure he was trying to rub his skin off.

"Dude, it's funny when you do it randomly at interviews. Sometimes. But not in Kev's house. That's just wrong."

"I like Boys who like Boys," Nick said with a lisp. Brian turned and batted his eyes.

"Thank you."

I stood up and held out my hand. "Give me the bus keys. Screw you guys, I'm going home."

After a few more stupid comments, we left Kev to clean up the hair in the kitchen and Bri drove back to the hotel. Addy carried a practically unconscious Mason out to the bus and Brian drove her back home.

It was after midnight. I swiped my keycard. As I did, I felt a hand on my back.

"Good luck," Nick whispered. I turned; he was serious.

"She's probably sleeping," I whispered back. Nick shrugged.

"That's never stopped me before."

I rolled my eyes as he continued down the hall. I looked to my left. Howie was swiping his keycard. He gave me a thumbs up. I shook my head. It was like I was freakin' eighteen again and all of us were excited about getting laid as 'celebrities.'

I walked into my room. All was quiet. I stood there for several minutes letting my eyes adjust. I didn't want to turn on the light and risk waking up Ally or Joe.

I stripped off my clothes and crawled into bed in my boxers. I don't know what the guys had expected. Did they think I was going to get back to the room, lock Molly in here with me and then kiss her until she forgot her name?

It was a nice idea...

But it wasn't going to happen.

---------------------------------

During the middle of the night, probably around two o'clock in the morning, the door connecting my room and Molly's opened. The twins were still asleep and I was having trouble falling asleep. I held my breath; light footsteps padded across the room. My back was towards the door. I felt the covers being pulled back and my heart stopped.

I felt a warm breath on my neck. An arm wrapped around me; fingers ran along by bare stomach. I felt the telltale curly red hair on my back as her face leaned over me. I turned my head slightly; her lips met mine without a word. It wasn't just an ordinary kiss; it was a 'fuck me' kiss. I rolled over on my back. My arm reached for her.

She was stark naked. My hands eagerly sought the curves. Her body was banging.

"Now," she whispered. That was it...just now.

Her leg swung over me. She was here...she was real...she was...

I felt something cold on my face. My eyes flew open. It wasn't the middle of the night. It was morning.

And to make matters worse I was face to face with a CLOWN.

Now if there's one big phobia I have, it's clowns. I let out a blood curdling scream and about crapped myself. The clown began to scream too.

"What's going on? Shelby, leave him alone!"

I was clinging to my blankets, practically hiding behind them. Slowly, I looked back at the clown.

It was just Shelby. She wore a huge blue clown wig, red nose, and heavy makeup. She must have got into Molly's lipsticks and junk. She was holding one of those seltzer bottles. That was what had been so cold on my face. Her eyes were huge and I saw big tears threatening to fall. She looked scared.

"I'm sorry," I said gently. "It's okay." I reached out for her but she scampered off the bed, past Molly, and back into the other room. Molly leaned against the doorway. I looked at her apologetically.

"Clowns terrify me," I said sheepishly. She cracked a smile.

"She shouldn't have come into your room."

"No, it's okay. Tell her I'm sorry."

Molly nodded and turned. She paused and looked back at me.

"Hey, AJ?"

I looked over at her. She gave me a thousand-watt smile.

"I like the new look."

She closed the door behind her. I fell back into the pillows. Half of my mind was on the whole clown thing. The other half of my mind replayed my dream.

I needed a shower. Preferrably a cold one.

-------------------------------

By the time I got out of the shower, it was getting late. Molly was on the floor getting Ally and Joe in their carseats. Shelby was blowing huge gum bubbles to entertain them. I watched Joe's eyes cross and widen as the bubble came close. He jumped when the bubble popped right back onto Shelby.

"That was a really good bubble," I said gently. I felt bad about earlier. She looked up at smiled.

"Thanks Mr. J. I'm sorry I clowned you."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I screamed."

Shelby nodded. "You were really loud." She stared at me. "Hey did you know I can see your chin now?"

I touched my face and smiled. "Yup."

"Liv came over and told me that everyone's going down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I figured you might want to go."

I nodded. I picked up Ally's carseat.

"Sounds good."

Shelby ran over to the trash and hocked her gum out.

"I want biscuits and gravy!"

Molly and I walked down in unison as Shelby bounced ahead. I caught Molly's eye as the elevator descended. She seemed to study my face a little more intensely than normal.

By the time we made it to the hotel restaurant, a discussion was well underway, led by Liv and Nick.

"What do you mean?"

"The girls and I talked about it and we decided that it's our turn to have some fun. Addy told us they're not doing a wedding rehearsal or dinner so we're going to have a girl's night."

"But--"

"But what?"

I cleared my throat. "Good morning."

Shelby climbed into a chair next to Baylee. She tugged on his sleeve.

"What did we miss?"

As I propped Ally's car seat onto a cradle seat, I couldn't help but laugh. She was something else. Molly locked Jonah into a seat and sat down beside me. I looked over at Nick.

"So what did we miss?"

"The girls are taking Addy out tonight," Brian said. "We're babysitting."

"What?"

Liv smiled. "I watched the footage from last night. You guys had way too much fun. Now it's our turn."

Nick's face was becoming splotchy. I raised an eyebrow.

"You watched the footage?"

"She didn't just watch the footage," Nick said. "She broke it up into clips and posted it on the website."

Howie was grinning ear to ear. "Including the Milkshake clip."

I burst out laughing. Liv put her hand on Nick's arm.

"I thought it was adorable."

Nick just continued to pout.

"Molly, you need to come with us," Leighanne added. Molly shook her head.

"No, I---"

"What? Doesn't AJ give you a day off?" Leigh asked. "That's slave labor."

I glanced over at Molly. While all the other guys looked panicked, I couldn't help but think that Leigh had a point.

"You should get out," I suggested. She looked at me in surprise. I saw her look over at Shelby.

"I'll watch Shelby," I added. She looked doubtful.

"Leigh's right. OSHA is going to come arrest me if you don't take a day off."

"Out of all the guys at this table, AJ's the only one encouraging fun," Liv said to Molly. "For the love of God, take him up on the offer."

Molly laughed. "Well, I guess that would be nice. We had fun last night..."

"That was kid fun," Leighanne said. "It's time for girl fun."

"Sex in the City," Howie mumbled. Leigh jabbed him in the side.

"Sex in the Country," Nick amended. Bri laughed until Leigh shot him a look.

"So it's settled," Liv said. "We'll go get Addy at four."

"Who's going to drive the bus?" I asked. I figured Brian wasn't going to be chauffeur.

"I'm going to drive," Leigh said. Howie looked at her in surprise. She gave him a look. If I was How, I wouldn't even dare piss off a woman with that stare. He seemed to be thinking the same thing; I watched him back down.

As our waitress came up to take orders for juice and coffee, I glanced over at Molly. I had an ulterior motive for giving her the night off. I knew the girls at this table well. They were basically counterparts of the guys. I had a feeling there would be alcohol and debauchery.

Two things that would guarantee that all the guys would get laid once the girls stumbled home.

Which meant I'd be in the clear to finally get my kiss.

Score.