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Chapter Twenty Three - October 4

"Nu-uh."

"Nu-uh."

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

I had created a monster when I told Shelby that she could call Mason. Every night around six o'clock, she followed me like a little puppy dog with her eyes on my cellphone. She knew Kev's speed dial by heart. She would walk around the room jabbering excitedly for about twenty minutes until Molly or I cut her off.

"It's almost been a month," I said one night. "How can two kids have so much to talk about?"

"I think it's cute. Shelby's never had a friend before," Molly would say.

And that's what kept me giving up my phone for the nightly ritual.

Since coming back from Kentucky, Molly and I had fallen back into a regular pattern. There were times, especially when Shelby and the babies were asleep, that we would look at each other and I would feel the sparks. But then she would turn away and those sparks would fizzle out like the last few seconds of a dying fire.

This morning started off like any other. Joe had rapidly gone from rolling over to sitting a week after we got back from Kentucky. I daresay that crawling was next on the agenda. In the last week, he had begun to babble to himself. Sometimes he rambled on so fast that he reminded me of a crackhead...a very adorable crackhead. I watched him greedily drink down his bottle. Each day I could see him catching up to where he was supposed to be. I think back now to his tiny little form, hooked up to all those wires, and I feel like we've finally reached the end of a very long, emotional journey.

And then there was Ally. She wasn't babbling, but she had managed to sit up. In the last two weeks, Molly had begun to work on baby sign language. Ally would watch her intently, but so far there was no repetition. She was watching Joe and drinking her bottle as if she was bored with the whole thing. Her whole little facial expression reminded me of Ro. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. I felt her little fingers brush against my chin.

I was so wrapped up in morning kitchen feedings that I ignored the ringing of the phone. Of course, there was one person in the house that could never ignore a phone.

"Mr. J!" Shelby yelled. I heard monstrous footsteps on the staircase and then she flew into the kitchen.

She had on soccer cleats, a ball gown, and one of those triangular paper restaurant hats. She held out the phone to me.

"IT'S FOR YOU!"

Joe dropped his bottle and stared at Shelby. He had gotten past the point of being startled by her. Now I think he was just immune to her antics. I took the phone. Shelby skipped by me, went right up to Joe's chair and gave him a kiss on the nose. He broke into a big smile. Shelby twirled around and around and around and fell down. Ally smiled.

"Hello?"

"Alex, this is Jim."

I had to think about it before I could place the name. Then I rememebered. It had been so long I had almost forgotten about the whole issue with Ro's mom.

"Hi Jim. What's up?"

"Well, I just heard from Child Protective Services. I know this is extremely last minute, but your home visit is scheduled for today."

"Today?"

I looked around. There were dishes everywhere. Shelby's finger painted pictures hung sloppily all over the fridge. I had a tent city in my living room. I hadn't cleaned up dog shit in weeks.

Fuck.

"I'm sorry. I would have let you know sooner, but I guess they just decided to do a pop-in visit."

I took a deep breath. "That's fine. Do you know what time?"

"I don't. I--"

The doorbell rang. I closed my eyes.

"I've got to go Jim. Thanks."

I closed my cellphone. Shelby had picked herself up and was quickly spinning in circles again.

"Shelby can you go get your mom?"

She paused, mid-turn. "Why?"

"I need her to clean the upstairs as fast as possible."

Shelby wrinkled her nose. "That doesn't sound fun."

The doorbell rang again.

"Please?"

Shelby stood where she was. I did not need her to argue with me. Come to find out, she wasn't. She cupped her hands around her mouth.

"MOM! CLEAN THE UP-TAIRS!" she bellowed. Joe started to cry. That amount of screaming was too much even for him. I scooped him and Ally up and made my way to the door. I managed to turn the knob, albeit clumsily and open the door with my foot.

I was wearing a ratty Jim Morrison shirt and Jim Beam pajama pants. I stared out at a no-nonsense lady that looked like she was part hawk. She peered at me through small lenses.

"Mr. McLean?"

I nodded. "Yes. Come in," I said. I took a step back. She didn't take her eyes off me as she opened the door and slipped through.

"I'm Lois Terhell from Child Protective Services. I've been asked to do a home study."

I licked my lips. "Oh, that's fine. My casa, su casa."

She gave me a look and brushed past me. I closed my eyes.

I was so screwed.

I followed her into the kitchen. The remnants of breakfast were on the table. The baby bottles were laying on the floor. Shelby had disappeared.

"You caught us in the middle of breakfast," I said. Ally started to slip a little. I bounced her back up onto my nonexistant hip. That was why God gave women hips. I don't think the guy upstairs had initially planned on mother-less children when he was laying out our design.

Ms. Hell, as I will call her from this point forward, made a couple notes on her chart. She turned around.

"Let's proceed."

I led her reluctantly into the living room. I had sheets and sleeping bags draped over chairs and couches. Ms. Hell raised an eyebrow.

"My nanny's daughter," I explained feeling silly. "She likes to make tent cities and..."

Ms. Hell seemed to be ignoring me. She walked around the architectural nightmare. Finally she stopped. I saw her lift a corner of a sheet.

"TROLL! TROLL!"

As if things couldn't get any worse, Shelby sprung out from under the sheet holding that damn seltzer bottle and a club. Ms. Hell stumbled back.

"SHELBY LYNN!"

Molly rounded the corner of the living room. She had a duster in one hand and what looked like a vaccum attachment in the other. She shook the duster; dust flew everywhere. Shelby looked at her and dropped the club.

"Upstairs. Now," Molly said. Her face was beat red.

I cleared my throat. Joe had begun to drool and my arm was getting soaked. Ally was slowly sliding down again.

"Molly, this is Ms. H--Ms. Terhell from Child Protective Services. Ms. Terhell, this is my nanny, Molly."

Molly dropped the duster and attachment and held out a hand. Ms. Hell shook her hand and then stared at the little dust particles all over her finger. Molly looked at me wide-eyed. Then she looked at Ally and Joe. She came over and took Ally from me. I picked up Joe and held him against my chest. He stuffed two fingers in his mouth and sighed.

The rest of the visit didn't go much better. Molly had done her best to do an emergency sweep of the nursery and the bathroom, but we still had daily items that ended up in the wrong place. And then there was Shelby's upstairs artwork. She had snuck downstairs one night two weeks ago and caught an episode of CSI that Molly and I were watching. Since then, she had found enjoyment in painting dead bodies.

"Well," Ms. Hell said as we finally made our way back downstairs. "Before I go, may I hold the babies?"

It was right on the tip of my tongue to say 'fuck off, old hag,' but I swallowed it back down. Molly held out Ally.

"That's Alexis," I said.

"Oh, I believe she's deaf?" Ms. Hell said. I nodded.

"She'll be able to get cochlear implants after her first birthday," I explained.

"Until then, what are you doing?"

"I've just begun to introduce infant sign language," Molly said. Ms. Hell zeroed in on her.

"And you've had experience in doing that?"

Molly smirked. Ms. Hell wasn't going to get under her skin that easily.

"My daughter became nonverbal for a year. I took a couple courses and worked with her. It's a wonderful thing even for babies that can hear. I plan on working with Joe as well."

Ms. Hell turned to me. I tapped Joe's leg.

"This is Joe," I said dumbly.

"I see that," Ms. Hell said coldly.

I was pretty sure that nothing about this visit was going to go well when a miracle occured. Ally, who was still in Ms. Hell's arms, placed a hand on her old shriveled face. Ms. Hell turned to look at her and Ally made the sign for milk.

I'm pretty sure the old hag had a heart attack. I grinned.

"She's catching on very well," I said smoothly.

"I...see."

After another five long and torturous minutes, I closed the door behind her. I pressed my head up against the door. Joe laughed.

"That didn't go so bad," Molly said hesitantly.

"Shelby called her a troll and almost hit her with a club," I said. I turned my head; we looked at each other.

We both started to laugh.

"Am I not in twouble anymore?"

Shelby peeked around the banister. I knelt down and balanced Joe on my lap. I opened my arms. Shelby was a helluva lot like me. You just couldn't change who she was.

"C'mere, kid." I said. She beamed and ran to me. I hugged her tightly.

"I love you, Mr. J," she said in a loud whisper. I smiled.

"I love you too, kiddo," I whispered back. Shelby pulled away, gave me a loud smacking kiss on the cheek and skipped back to her tent city. I looked up.

Molly was holding Ally and staring at me with the most unusual look on her face I had ever seen. I couldn't tell whether it was a good look or a bad look or...

There was about ten steps separating us. I stood up. Before I could open my mouth to ask what was wrong, she cleared those ten steps. Suddenly we were nose to nose. I was staring into those beautiful brown eyes and my heart was pounding and Joe was drooling...

And then she kissed me. Just like the night in the shed.

Only better.